#ink's life

[wanderinginksplot-writes]

Ugh. I'm not someone who cries at movies, but Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 had me ugly sobbing in my hotel room.

People can say what they want about Disney and Marvel - and I agree with a lot of it - but Guardians of the Galaxy is a solid set of movies and I love it so much!

[wanderinginksplot]

On Asexuality as a LGBTQIA+ Identity

I just read a lengthy and disheartening post about the inclusion of asexual and aromantic people in the LGBT (et al.) community, especially about how many people don't believe it is acceptable. The main argument seems to be that aces aren't discriminated against and that they don't share the same experiences as the rest of the LGBT spectrum.

This may be a strange way to explain this point, but you know in Stranger Things season three, when Will wants to play DnD, but Mike and Lucas are worried about their girlfriends?

Will gets frustrated about the four of them not spending time together any more. Mike says something to the effect of, "Did you think we were just going to sit in my basement and play games forever?" And a broken-hearted Will just says, "Yes, I did." (S3, E3; 19:20 - 22:15)

That scene broke my heart.

I know that face. I've made that face. I've made it every time someone told me that I didn't understand my friends ghosting me because I'm not in a relationship. Like romance was some magical state of mind that would reorder my priorities and make my friends' actions make sense in retrospect. (Exactly what Mike is doing in that specific scene, by the way.)

I'll get into specifics below, but long story short, I read that scene as Will being asexual. Even now, having watched season four, I still think Will might be ace, though everyone seems pretty determined that the character is written as being gay.

Now for the promised explanation (below the cut):

Growing up, I went from having several close friends to constantly given lower priority than the relationship of the week. It started in middle school, but continued throughout high school and even to this day. That always frustrated me.

To me, my friends were the most important people - why didn't they feel the same? We saw each other nearly every day for four years, but because they made out with someone a few times, it was worth leaving their friends behind. It sucked and I never understood why it bothered me so badly.

Fast forward to now. I've been out of high school for almost a decade. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm most likely ace, if not aro/ace. I understand why the behavior of my friends bothered me so badly: They were demonstrating over and over again that I was a lesser priority. Our friendship didn't matter as much as the early stages of their romantic relationship. Even our friendship of years was less important and less worthy of devoting time to than a romantic relationship.

And that's one of the most frustrating parts about being ace.

Now, obviously, it's not a competition. Being LGBTQIA+ in a non-ace capacity is hard. I am not doubting that in any sense. At all. But I will say that my father has assured me multiple times that he doesn't care if I'm gay, as long as I find someone. Anyone. Because that's the only way I'll be happy. And he's not the only one who's said that to me.

I can have friends. I can adopt children. I can have pets and a fulfilling job and a life that makes me happy, but if I choose not to have a romantic relationship, all of that is worthless. According to society, there is only one way to be happy: in a relationship.

We as a society are getting better about broadening definitions of relationships, thankfully. You can be just as fulfilled as a man in a relationship with a man, a woman with a woman, and infinite variations of those. Polyamory is even gaining more appreciation and recognition as a valid lifestyle! That's great! It's just frustrating that asexuality is the exception.

The point to all of this is that if I, an asexual person, can interpret a gay character as asexual because we share so many of the same experiences and struggles, it seems like we may have more in common than some people seem to think.

Thank you for your time.

[somedaylazysomeday]

Can't believe I avoided the Oscar Isaac hype for this long only to be taken down by Nathan Bateman, Marc Spector, and Steven Grant.

Humiliating.

[emotionalwords]

i’m such a “i want your attention” but “won’t bother you” kinda person

[remanence-of-love]

[jaggedjawjosh]

[thoughtcascades]

idk how to flirt but i can make things awkward if you're into that

[thoughtsthatstayedwithme]

[poetryforall]

-Rumi

[thehopefulquotes]

The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.

Juliette Lewis

[thoughtkick]

You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.

Ernest Hemingway

[wanderinginksplot-writes]

Clone Trooper Rambles

Because everything is a little more interesting with imaginary clone troopers hanging around.

Warnings: Frustration about post-surgery recovery (long-term).

---

Singing Again

“Thanks for listening! We’ll see you guys next time.”

The podcast ended and flipped immediately to the next song on the playlist. Rex eyed me from the passenger seat. 

It had been months since the surgery. I could speak normally again - as long as I wasn’t talking for an extended period of time - but singing was still out of my reach. I had been fixating on this podcast when I was driving or doing mindless work around the house. 

But that day, I hadn’t loaded another episode of the podcast to play. I didn’t like messing with my phone overly much while I drove, especially to do something as involved as finding the right episode and adding it to my queue. And the weather had decided to go from sunny to a torrential downpour in the last few minutes, so my concentration was firmly fixed on the road. 

And so I let the song play. It was Ella Fitzgerald’s Dream a Little Dream of Me, a song I had loved for as long as I could remember. I had a similar vocal range as Ella in that particular song, and it always gave me chills to hear her beautiful voice dance up and down the notes.

We drove in a cocoon of quiet - Louis Armstrong’s trumpet and Ella Fitzgerald’s voice filling the car as the rain drummed on the roof and windows. Rex’s attention was on the road ahead. Boss was watching the scenery fly by from the back seat and Trapper seemed to be nodding off in beside him.

“But in your dreams, whatever they be, dream a little dream of me.”

The words had burst from me in a uncontainable stream and I was horrified… until I realized that I sounded okay. Not just okay; I had actually hit the correct notes!

I laughed delightedly as the troopers swiveled their attention to me. As Louis and Ella scatted back and forth in the background, I asked, “Did you guys hear that? I think my voice is back!”

“We heard,” Boss told me. 

Rex nodded. “That sounded great.”

Trapper waved me on. “Keep going!” 

“Sweet dreams… til sunbeams find you, keep dreaming

Leave the worries behind you

But in your dreams, whatever they be

You’ve gotta make me a promise

Promise to me

You’ll dream

Dream a little dream of me”

The song ended, fading into nothingness. My smile was so wide that my cheeks were starting to ache, but I couldn’t have been happier. 

“How do you feel?” Rex asked. 

“Light,” I answered without thinking. Then, when I realized that didn’t make a lot of sense, I added, “I feel like I could fly the rest of the way home.” 

“You look like it, too,” Boss said. “Happy for you, kid.” 

I kept smiling as Trapper leaned forward to pat me on the shoulder. I felt so good that I wasn’t even going to object to being called ‘kid’.

---

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Author's Note - As a reminder, I write these a long time before I ever post them. This moment happened quite a few months ago, but it was a delight to revisit. Thank you for reading!

[wanderinginksplot]

Reblogs are important

I know, that isn't a shock. But I wanted to share something that might help people who are new to Tumblr understand why everyone says that.

Tumblr used to have something called Reblog Graphs, and they're working on bringing them back. (You can find them in Tumblr Labs if you're interested.) Reblog Graphs are a great way of visualizing how posts spread through the site.

I chose two of my most popular posts for this experiment - one with a lot of likes and relatively fewer reblogs and one with a ratio that was closer to being even.

[For sake of clarity, the posts are part of the same fandom, but the like-heavy post is a fic while the reblog-heavy post is not. That does have an impact on what gets reblogged versus liked, but my point still stands.]

Here is the like-heavy post:

The post was reblogged by people in my immediate sphere. Approximately three of the rebloggers' followers also reblogged and three more reblogged those reblogs.

Okay, now the reblog-heavy post:

See the difference? My original post is in the bottom right and was reblogged by people in my immediate sphere. But more of their followers reblogged and their followers did the same. Infinitely more people saw this post, though it has 328 fewer notes than the like-heavy post.

In conclusion, if you want to see more from people (ESPECIALLY artists, writers, and others who create time-consuming content), you NEED to reblog. It makes a difference in how much meaningful interaction people get, and meaningful interaction (which is often interaction other than likes) is what sparks creativity.

[somedaylazysomeday]

No one told me there were consequences from ignoring brainrot!

I've been shoving it down and making up silly little stories in my head for months, but I finally decided to write one little fic and everything else came pouring out.

I now have a 5k word outline (and still going!) for the most hyper-specific, self-indulgent fic I have ever written, full of tropes I don't usually touch. If I ever work up the nerve to post it, you'll see what I'm talking about, but oh man...

I should have just bled out this rot when it could have been a one-shot. Now look at the mess.

[emotionalwords]

[remanence-of-love]