#is every single music cut more baffling than the last?

[psqqa]

there is no one on this earth i support more than 17-year-old figure skaters skating to phantom of the opera

[blaqcats-fics]

(He's) Just a Phase – Part 3

MASTERLIST

Word Count: 3.2K

December 1993

Relocating to Los Angeles has been an adjustment for Steve. Seattle was cozier, and he had the potential to settle down there, given the chance. On top of that, Steve made many good friends and acquaintances in a short time while living in the Emerald City.

Steve felt a sense of unease in Los Angeles as if he didn't belong there like many others. He had grown up with a wealthy family, despite the fact he had been cut off, but now it seemed that comparatively, his parents wouldn't have been considered special in any sense in the city. His mind briefly wandered to the Byers family and how they made it in California. It baffled him that Joyce had seemingly found success here despite being a single mother. California was proving to be much more expensive than Steve had ever imagined, yet Dr. Owens seemed to have some kind of influence on their luck. Despite the privilege Steve was born into, he couldn't deny his growing anxiety, especially since California was a different beast compared to Hawkins or Seattle.

Steve barely had time to enjoy Los Angeles as it was. He was busy day in and day out, and most days, he was close to just giving up and living with a void inside of him. However, the moments of weakness were always short-lived because Steve's mind never strayed to far away from the thought of Eddie, especially when the other man was almost close enough to touch.

It was common knowledge that Eddie lived in Los Angeles, and with that knowledge, Steve made it a mission to avoid going out to different bars and restaurants. Instead, he stuck close to the studio he was working for and spent his free time learning meaningless skills. He had been in the middle of learning how to crochet, and it was enough of a hobby to keep him distracted. It also helped that Kacey kept him busy enough as it was when doing his new job.

'You can't be a one-man deal,' Kacey said, sitting at her desk. She was perched on the large mahogany surface, nibbling on the end of her pin. 'You can, but you need a band to back you up. Unless you have invisible hands that can magically play different instruments.'

Steve was sitting on the floor, different pages scattered around him. The pages were a mix of other things, upcoming dates that Steve needed to memorize, resumes of people eligible to become his manager, and deadlines to meet for his debut. It was enough stuff to make Steve feel dizzy.

'I don't think I'm not functional,' Steve joked. 'But putting together a band won't hurt. I can't just play every song with a guitar that's on its last limb.'

Kacey hummed. 'Your sound,' she began, 'Did you ever figure out what you wanted it to be?'

Steve nodded. It was different from what he was used to or comfortable with. He didn't listen to rock music, and he didn't listen to metal music, but he needed something loud because if it wasn't loud, then there was no way it was going to reach Eddie.

'Something loud,' he said. He cringed slightly. 'Sorry, that's vague.'

'Uh-huh,' Kacey said, eyeing him. 'Rock? Metal? I don't think either of them really suits your vibe.'

'What's my vibe?' Steve asked, pulling his scrunchie from his wrist and pulling his hair into a ponytail. He pulled his knee to his chest, resting his cheek on his knee, and loudly yawned.

Kacey hummed, examining him.

Steve felt scrutinized under her gaze and felt his skin start to crawl. Bowie lifted his head up from where he was lying and let out a low whine.

'Can you not stare at me, please?' Steve asked. He looked at Bowie, patting the empty space next to him. He watched with a small smile as the rottweiler came over, laying next to him and putting his head on Steve's leg. Bowie's tongue rolled out his mouth as he looked up at Steve with a droopy look. 'Hi, sugar-plum,' he cooed, moving his hand to scratch Bowie's head.

'Sorry,' Kacey said but didn't sound apologetic. 'Grunge or alternative rock, maybe. Something similar to Kurt Cobain.'

Steve hummed as he absent-mindedly petted Bowie. 'Can we experiment with that before we settle on it?'

'Of course, we can,' Kacey said. 'We can go to a studio and get a producer to sit with us and figure out what suits your voice and message best.'

'It has to be loud,' Steve said.

'Remember that the most important things don't always scream the loudest,' Kacey said. 'You're message won't get across if the public doesn't like you, and for them to like you, you need to find a sound that fits your voice.'

Steve stared at her for a long moment before sighing. ‘When’s the soonest you think we can get in the studio?’

Kacey glanced up at the clock that sat above her door. ‘It’s only 1,’ she mumbled to herself. ‘Let me call Cameron and see if he has a space open today. He mentioned something back, having just one or two clients today.’

Steve nodded, moving his hand away from scratching Bowie. He picked up a few pages with song lyrics messily written. He tapped his foot anxiously, ‘How’s this going to work when I don’t have any of the instrumental parts written?’

Kacey glanced at him, ‘Don’t worry about it for now. You mentioned you can’t read music, right?’

He nodded, ‘Kinda just figured it out. I know a few notes and things, but just enough to get my way around a guitar.’

'That's fine. Plenty of artists don't know how to read sheet music. Prince, Jimi Hendrix, Paul McCartney, Eddie Van Halen, Bob Dylan,' she rambled off a list of names. 'They've made it big without reading sheet music.'

'Alright,' Steve said hesitantly. He knew who they were, but he also knew they were already prominent in the music scene. Moreover, they probably had backgrounds in music, whereas Steve had none.

'Have some confidence in yourself,' Kacey said. She reached over to her phone, punching in numbers that Steve couldn't identify from where he was sitting. He assumed she was calling Cameron to see if a spot was available for him to come in.

Steve pulled his gaze away, looking back at the sheets of paper in his hands. He mouthed the words, taking a moment to process the lyrics. He frowned for a moment, going back and re-reading to make sure his mind didn't change any words on him. He continued making sure everything made sense while he listened to Kasey strike up a conversation on the other side of the room.

He closed his eyes, thinking of the lyrics as he tapped his hand against his thigh, trying to find a rhythm matching the song. He scrunched his face up, changing the pace. It would be easier to hear the music with different instruments, but Steve didn't have access to that yet, and the song didn't seem right with an acoustic guitar. He let out a sigh, mumbling the lyrics under his breath.

‘Sorry to break your concentration, ‘Evie,’ Kacey spoke up, hanging up the phone and pulling Steve’s attention toward her. ‘Cameron has an open studio since one of his clients flaked. Said that we should head there if we wanna keep the room.’

‘Sick,’ he said. He started gathering up the pages scattered around himself and stuffed them into his binder. ‘Will the studio have a piano?’ he asked.

‘Of course, it will,’ Kacey said, pushing herself off her desk, gathering her belongings. ‘Why?’

‘I think I want my debut to have a piano base,’ Steve said, unsure of the technical term. ‘But not in a somber way? Kind of upbeat?’

Kacey grinned, 'You might want to play around with the keyboard then. It's the same understanding as a piano, there are different sound settings you can mess around with.’

‘Well,’ Steve pushed himself off the ground, Bowie standing with him. ‘I might have a debut record under my belt.’

The studio was spacious for one person. It was a bit terrifying, despite Kacey being on the other side of the glass. He wondered if the room would feel claustrophobic with other band members. He wondered how chaotic it would be, given the idea that Steve would even get along with his future band members. On the other hand, Steve knew that Eddie probably found this part of the process exciting, just after performing concerts in front of hundreds, if not thousands, of people.

'Alright,' Cameron's voice echoed in the studio. 'Go ahead and get a feel for the instruments and the equipment, and whenever you're ready, we'll start. Sound good?'

Steve sent him an awkward thumbs-up, clenching his throat and forcing his gaze onto the keyboard. It was well-kept, he noticed. Someone who knew what they were doing had obviously taken care of it. The paint glimmered under the lights, like wet stone or a diamond chiseled into intricate designs. He didn’t live under a rock, but it seemed more complicated despite being smaller than a normal piano. The buttons and settings were probably more intimidating than they really were. It also didn’t help that Steve really knew nothing about pianos. He liked how they sounded, but the last time he played one was in elementary school when his mother forced him into lessons.

He plucked a few keys, listening to the tone. It sounded slightly off compared to a piano, but Steve ruled it out because the keyboard was electric. He glanced at the settings and changed the sound, cautiously plucking another few keys, grimacing at the sound. He shook his head and continued trying different modes until he found one that sounded right. It was almost like the grand piano but sounded a little bit different.

‘Okay,’ Steve said, looking towards the window.

‘Ready?’ Cameron asked.

‘Yeah,’ Steve nodded. ‘I’m still going to have to get used to the keyboard, but I’m good enough to throw around something.’

‘Sounds good, kid,’ Cameron said.

Steve bit the urge to correct him, but he adjusted his headphone on his head, situating himself in front of the microphone, and ran his fingers over the keyboard. He glanced at where Kacey was sitting beside Cameron, and she gave him a wide grin.

Swallowing, Steve glanced to where Bowie was lying, trying to find comfort in his presence before pressing down on the keys and playing a few notes before shaking his head. ‘Can we start again?’

‘You’re the boss,’ Cameron said. Steve watched him move around. ‘You’re good to go.’

Steve repeated as he did before, stumbling along a few keys. The same pattern repeated itself — play, fumble, repeat.

It wasn’t until nearly two hours that Steve started getting the hang of how he wanted the song to be played.

‘Again?’ Cameron asked.

Steve nodded. He didn't bother to look over. He waited for the green light before diving into playing the keyboard. He didn't focus on his vocals, just on creating the song's beat. He nibbled his lip, coming to a stop after a few minutes. 

‘That’s it,’ Steve said. ‘I need to add in some strings and the vocals. Then we can put it together? See what we get?’

Cameron nodded. ‘Sounded good,’ he said. ‘Give me just a second, and then we can start on whatever strings you want to use.’

Steve nodded. He looked around the space and walked towards an electric guitar. He hadn’t ever played one before, but it was nearly the same as an acoustic — under his assumption. Eddie had always made playing the electric guitar easy, but Steve wasn’t stupid. Eddie had played guitar for a long time, probably before he moved in with Wayne. Steve had only been playing guitar for two years. He still fumbled around, nowhere near perfect. 

He plugged in the guitar, moving his hand to the head of the guitar, adjusting the tuners. He plucked a string, testing the tune before adjusting them again. He walked back to the microphone, humming to himself as he played some chords, figuring out a similar pattern to the piano. 

‘You ready?’ Cameron asked.

Steve glanced at him and nodded, 'As I'll ever be.'

Cameron nodded, ‘Go for it.’

Steve swallowed nervously, starting at the CD that rested in Kacey's hands. Two weeks ago, Steve was just messing around in a studio, and now suddenly, he had an EP with three songs that could be his debut. He didn't expect the CD to come in so fast, though. 

‘This CD is your future,’ Kacey said. ‘There’s only one thing wrong with it.’

‘What’s wrong with it?’ Steve asked instantly, heart jumping. Bowie nudged his ankle, and Steve tried to calm down. ‘I’m fine, Bows.’

Kacey chuckled, 'Nothing bad, I promise. You just can't leave these songs untitled.'

Steve let out a sigh of relief. ‘Don’t scare me like that,’ he huffed. 

‘I’m your manager,’ Kacey shot back. 

‘That doesn’t mean you get to scare me!’ Steve exclaimed. 

Kacey wiggled her fingers at him, ‘I can do what I damn well, please. Now, you have three tracks that need naming. These are like your children. Name them carefully.’

Steve rolled his eyes. ‘The first track,’ he stated. ‘Hind-sight. I figured that one out already. That one’s probably my favorite one.’

‘It is a good one,’ Kacey agreed. 

Steve watched as she wrote on the back of the CD packet, pulling #1 Hindsight on it. ‘I thought that one could be the song I used to debut?’

Kacey leaned back in her chair. ‘If I could, I’d let you do it, but once we name these, I have to give it to Jared. He will sample your tracks to people, and whichever song warrants a more positive reaction gets debuted.’

Steve groaned. ‘Damn.’

‘Sorry, ‘Evie,’ Kacey said. ‘Thems the dice.’

‘That’s fine, I guess,’ he sighed. ‘The third track,’ he continued. ‘Momentary.’

‘The second one?’ 

Steve closed his eyes, thinking. ‘End of Beginning.’ 

‘Well,’ Kacey started, writing the rest of the titles on the back of the packet, ‘The EP is officially finished.’

‘Yeah?’ Steve grinned.

‘Yeah.’

‘What happens once the debut song is decided?’ Steve asked, glancing at his lap as Bowie rested his head on his leg. He moved his hand to scratch his head.

‘We release it,’ Kacey shrugged. ‘And depending on how well it’s perceived, we drop the rest of the EP over the next few months. During that, your schedule will start filling up more, and you'll start making enough money not to live out a hotel room.’

Steve felt his heart sink at the thought of the hotel room. He was desperately trying to find a job, but it seemed like every opportunity was ten times harder to come by in Los Angeles than he expected. With Kacey constantly demanding his time at her office and in the studio, Steve could not find a job that could sustain him for long. The only thing keeping him afloat financially was the money from the music record. Unfortunately, they refused him a proper apartment, so all he could hope for was a small hotel room with a bed, hot water, free coffee, and complimentary breakfast. Even though this should’ve been seen as a dream come true, he still felt despondent about settling for less than he deserved.

Kacey was the only friend that Steve had made in Los Angeles, and he soon realized how lonely he was without his other Seattle friends. Even though he had come to Los Angeles with a singular goal, sometimes the longing for home and the people he had left behind overwhelmed him. He found himself wishing for conversations with Robin and his kids more and more often, missing the days when he talked to Sam, Gale, and all of the other people he had known in Seattle.

As the days passed, Steve's doubts lingered. He had sacrificed so much for something that might not be worth it. He cherished Eddie with all his heart — and he would never stop loving him — but a part of him questioned if leaving was his only option. He could have continued to live in this empty state, never daring to feel anything more than apathy. But Steve knew life wasn't worth living without closeness, passion, or purpose.

Doctor Newman had said that Steve only had to forgive himself to heal, but Steve wasn’t sure. He knew he had to tell Eddie his truth in an apology, even if it meant being ignored. The thought of a forgotten apology torturing him fueled an unbridled amount of anxiety. The idea of not being forgiven for something he could not control tore him apart inside. His parents had been the type to never apologize, or if they ever did, it would be empty and shallow. But Steve knew better than most that a simple apology was powerful — it didn’t matter whether it was accepted. It was unheard of, but the hopelessness of letting Eddie know how sorry he was weighed heavily on his mind. He hoped Eddie would hear his plea loud and clear and accept that many truths can lie within an apology.

'Depending on the popularity of your EP, we'll schedule a meeting with a screenwriter to develop a music video. If the script is accepted, we'll start with you meeting a choreographer and setting up a meeting with a director to shoot the video. Then we'll sell the video to be played on MTV,' Kasey continued to speak. 'Music videos push you to the top, and there's no way that your ex won't see it.'

Steve licked his lips, 'What if I don't want to do a music video? I don't really want to show my face yet. Not until I write the song.'

Kacey gave him a long look, 'We need to do music videos, but perhaps we can alter your image a bit. Make you a mystery to your inspiring fans.'

'How?' Steve asked.

'A costume,' Kacey said. She paused, shaking her head, 'A new persona. You'd still be you — you'd just be Evie. We can create a story around your new persona and then use different means to disguise you.'

'Kinda like KISS?' Steve asked.

'Sure, but it would be different. People know who KISS is behind the face paint. People wouldn't know who you are,' Kacey said.

Steve thought about it for a moment before shaking his hand. 'No,' he said. 'I want people to know who I am. If no one knows who I am, everything has been for nothing. I wanted to do this so I didn't have to hide who I was or what I identified as. It'd be against what I'm trying to do.'

'Then why no to music videos?'

'I don't know. I just don't want him to see my face before I can see him in person,' Steve shrugged. 'If a music video is unavoidable, I'll do it, but I have reservations against it.'

'Let me talk to a few people, get an idea of something, and I'll toss it to you once I know something,' Kacey said. 'Because if he doesn't see you on MTV, he'll see you on the front of a magazine or see an interview and connect the pieces.'

Steve nodded, feeling a sense of dread at the thought of Eddie seeing him before he was ready. He knew it was inevitable, but he wanted to control the narrative as much as possible. He wanted to be the one to initiate contact, explain himself, and apologize. The idea of Eddie seeing him on TV or in a magazine, without any context or explanation, made his stomach twist.

'Alright,' he said, rubbing his hands over his face. 'I trust you to figure something out.'

NOTE: Eddie's showing up soon, I promise lmao. I like world-building a bit too much. I have a good bit of part 4 written, which is another flashback. part 5 has an outline of sorts at the moment, it's a skeleton to fill in, and well, Eddie is finally a part of that skeleton. So, hopefully, by Wednesday morning, I'll have both parts 4 and 5 posted. And Steve during the second and third Steve did get a band, but I doubt I'll focus much on them.

Taglist is still open, so if you wanna be added to it, let me know via comment or dm.

This is also uploaded to Ao3 HERE. There's a few-hour post difference. Tumblr sees it first, and yadda yadda.

TAGLIST: @swimmingbirdrunningrock x @cinnamon-mushroomabomination x @phirex22 x @kylobith x @screaming-alone x @poopypantsbennett x @ledleaf x @rhyswritesreadsandcries x @trashpocket x @oxidantdreamboat x @moonshadows-13

[sagittariuswritings]

now that season 1 house of the dragon is over and the soundtrack is out, i can finally ramble about everything!!

i'm gonna be rambling a lot, and linking and timestamping so i'm putting the cut off here if you're not interested in my rambles!

main title - starting off strong with the game of thrones theme, of course

reign of the targaryens - just everything about it. it's a great combination of the existing game of thrones music we have with the new house of the dragon music. it's a perfect piece, and i just get feelings from it of this being the height of the house targaryen. the piece itself feels on top of the world about 3/4 through it

an impossible choice - my god, when i watched the scene of aemma's death, the music was what got me the most. the way ramin has the ability to play music into how the characters are feeling will never fail to amaze me

the prince that was promised - this piece feels like i'm being told a story, and when it was released with episode 1, i of course latched onto it seeing as it was all we had from the series until about 3/4 in

the power of prophecy - the second i heard this music with rhaenyra striding back into camp, i was HOOKED on that theme

surrender - this piece lives up to its name. it makes me feel like i'm just surrendering myself to whatever may come. it's a menacing piece as well, especially just considering the context of daemon being the most stubborn and petty human being to ever walk in his universe

whatever may come - a similar piece to i am hers and she is mine and break the wheel in my opinion; there's something about these 3 pieces that are so softly horny - and yes that is unfortunately the best description i can give you

the green dress - i wish the beginning of the piece wasn't so drawn out, because towards the end where the music really picks up, we get to hear alicent and team green's theme. i personally get light of the seven vibes from it, and i love it... it's just giving

house valaryon - there are no words. the way this theme matches that family and their style and just everything about them BAFFLES me. every single time i heard even just the slightest wind pipes when driftmark was discussed or it was set in driftmark, i fell more in love with their music

celebration dance - the second this music started playing i knew the night was not going to go according to plan for the wedding :|

we light the way - what a beautiful theme to a tragic wedding

destiny - the chills. THE CHILLS and emotions i went through because of the combination of the scene AND the music (specifically at 2:07 when it starts to climb)

funeral by the sea - another case where the music got me more than anything else. i was in shambles and tears. the violin, like in goodbye brother, has me in a death grip on me

aemond rides vhagar - this music combined with the scene had my eyes watering. it was such a beautiful scene (hE sToLL a DraGOn shut up let me live IT WAS CINEMATIC AND BEAUTIFUL), seeing how aemond (quite literally) got lifted by getting a dragon finally. the way the music would just match vhagar's movement, oh my god

sealed in fire and blood - what is there to hate about this music. it's just as ethereal as the scene in itself

protector of the realm - oh god my jaw was on the floor, tears were trying to sneak out, this music and viserys standing up for his daughter with every ounce of his life left PLUS the music...

intermission, i wish he would have released the music that was going during viserys' last dinner with the fam. diego mitre published a video of it on youtube (see here) and i just wish it was on spotify because that is currently my drug

lament & fate of the kingdom - quite similar to the green dress (alicent's theme), but the music in these is giving 'the realm is officially royally fucked'

dragons will rule the kingdom - yes

the crown of jaeharys - it starts off sad, perfect considering the scene, and it quickly leads into rhaenyra FINALLY getting what she deserves, and the relief the music provides but also has a hint of a heavy burden around it? ugh *chefs kiss*

bloodlines will burn - you can feel the fear of luke and the mischievousness from aemond in this, and then you get to around 2:40, when we see daemon breaking the news to rhaenyra about her son. but THEN as the music goes on, it slowly sounds almost horror-like, the slope downward of the music. i don't even have to see the scene of rhaenyra looking back into the camera to get absolute chills. you can FEEL rhaenyra lose it with the music alone, let alone emma d'arcy's phenomenal acting

the promise - it's just getting me amped up for season 2 which is too far away, but i love it. it feels like a mash up of everything we heard for season 1

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK!

[moonlit-imagines]

Misbehavior (Part 1)

Jason Todd x batkid!reader

warnings:

a/n: tysm anon!!

prompt: anonymous: “Hello Lacey! Hope your doing great! Could I please request a bat family x batsis!reader where the reader is Kind of the middle child (I was thinking older than Damian but younger than Tim) and she’s always forgotten and in the back. Maybe some scenarios can be that no one listens when she talks or they forget to invite her to do stuff. So then one day she acts up in school like maybe punching someone for no good reason because she’s craving attention but instead of Bruce showing up to get her Jason shows up and he sees that she’s actually really sad and starts to question her until she tells him everything and maybe spills some tears and it ends with just Jason comforting her and cheering her up. Just some soft Jason for my soul! Also have a great day and I hope that you feel better and more motivated now after your break! 😘”

part 2

No matter what you did, none of your deeds went unnoticed. Good or bad.

You always heard how Dick was so independent, the one everyone should use as an example.

You always heard how Barbara could do it all, she never failed to impress.

You always heard how Jason was reckless, someone who needed to get his act together.

You always heard how Tim was such a prodigy, he was one of a kind.

You always heard how Steph was so determined, she had such amazing goals.

You always heard that Cass was perfect, they’d never change a thing about her.

You always heard that Duke was so strong, he’d never give up no matter what stood in his way.

You always heard that Damian was dangerous, a kid that needed to be guided.

But what about you? What did they hear about you? Nothing. No one ever spoke of you, they didn’t have the time. It seemed as if you were just unimpressive, there wasn’t one thing that needed to be mentioned. Stuck in the middle of a bunch of bats and birds, no way to stand out in the crowd.

Maybe not in a mask or a cowl, a dress or a suit, behind a computer or among the darkness, but there was one place you couldn’t be ignored...

You sat at your desk, picking at old tape with the tip of your fingernail. The teacher had nothing interesting to say, so what was the point of being here? What made Gotham Academy so special that you just had to attend this place?

The uniform was overkill, the classes went nowhere, the students were too preppy, and you didn’t have a single thing in common with anyone here.

Anger was starting to bubble inside you as you continued your internal self-loathing. Your mind was only focused on the negative, but it was shifting from school back to home.

No one was ever there for you, not even on patrol. You’d called for backup several times on missions and nearly lost it all when you had to go in alone. If it were anyone else, a teammate would have met them in a heartbeat.

Your plans were always overshadowed whenever you tried to set up a mission or even just a day off. You wanted cookies? Too bad, Tim wants brownies. You wanted to watch a movie? Too bad, everyone chose a TV show. It was the little things that irked you the most. Half the time, you never even got the memo.

And what about when you all come back from patrol with all sorts of injuries and Alfred comes to patch you up? Well, not you. He’ll run to check on cuts and scrapes. Meanwhile, you had a broken wrist and a black eye.

You’d finally run out of things to pick at around your desk which resorted in you tapping instead. There was a brief bit of zoning out as you remembered the time that Damian’s plan for evading Killer Croc’s attack was to push you in the way. Or the time that Jason hid his guns in your bed for reasons he didn’t care to explain. Or when Dick drank the last of the milk and didn’t tell you until after you poured your cereal. Or when Tim told you that you weren’t fit for the mission he had been planning. Or when Bruce blatantly ignored the story you told out of pure excitement, giving you nothing but a “sounds like you had fun.”

While you were in a horrible daze, you felt a hand on your shoulder that snapped you out of it faster than the Barry Allen. Without even evaluating the situation, your reflexes caused you to turn and twist your classmates arm backwards as he screamed.

“Hey! Stop, ow, that hurts! Stop! Stop it!” You processed his words too late and knew exactly what was coming next.

“Y/N L/N!” You teacher shouted as you drew your hand back. “Dean’s office. Right now.” Her sharp voice sent a chill down your spine, not even the Joker could do that. You’d be able to explain the situation pretty easily, you just didn’t want to make it worse. But there was one ankle that sent you off the edge. Another student tripped you on your way through the aisles, and that student caught a fist to the face. The audience gasped and shouting from your teacher ensued, but you didn’t listen, you’d take the punishment at this point. So you walked right out and headed for the dean’s office without so much as a hall pass.

“Mx. l/n? What’s this about?” Dean Williams was surprised to say the least, you’d never been sent in for discipline before. Was there a certain way to do this?

“Well, I zoned out and some kid behind me grabbed my shoulder, I accidentally twisted his arm.” You retold your story, the abridged version. “But on my way out I punched a kid in the face because he tripped me. That one’s on me.”

“...Well,” the dean frowned at his obligations, but had to go through with some kind of punishment, “I’m going to have to suspend you for physical contact with a student. I’ll call your father to come pick you up.” You shrugged and slouched back in your chair, giving up on any hope of talking your way out of this. It might as well just happen. You listened to the clicking of the buttons on the dean’s phone as he typed in the Wayne Manor phone number, obviously reaching Alfred almost immediately.

“Wayne Manor.” You eard his faint voice through the speaker.

“Hello, this is Dean Williams from Gotham Academy, may I speak to Mr. Wayne? I have his child in my office.” Your dean explained over the phone, peeking back at your for a split second. You were completely unbothered, it was baffling.

“Is it Damian?” You heard him ask, causing an involuntary eye roll.

“Y/N, actually.” There was a long pause before someone else picked up the phone. “Mr. Wayne, this is Dean Williams at Gotham Academy. I have y/n sitting across from me right now, they seemed to have gotten themself into a physical altercation with two separate students, I have no choice but to suspend them.” You heard a deep sigh over the phone, then the handheld piece was handed to you.

“Bruce?” You asked.

“Really? Fighting at school?” He sounded unimpressed. Nothing new, even when you do something new.

“Something like that. Whoops.” He hung up on you right after that, so you handed the phone back and told your dean, “Guess they’ll get me soon.”

“You call your father by his first name?” Dean Williams had nosily questioned.

“I’m adopted.” He obviously didn’t know you as well as your more troublesome sibling, it was time he just minded his business.

After a good thirty minutes of silent waiting while listening to keyboard clacking and papers flipping by the front desk, the office door opened, and to your surprise, it was one of your brothers.

“I’m here for y/n.” He mumbled, signing the piece of paper and showing his ID.

“Alright, Mr. Harper, I just have to check some paperwork really quick...” The receptionist went into your file and checked for your emergency contacts. “You’re all set. Now, y/n has been suspended for two weeks. I suggest you get to the bottom of their little ‘outburst’ before they’re able to come back to school.” It actually pissed Jason off to hear her say that.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” His sarcasm wasn’t subtle. “Come on, kid.” Your brother gripped your arm and led you out of the office, noticing your bitter expression that he couldn’t even rationalize. Was that normal? “So what happened. Bruce just told me to come get you.”

“Of course he did.” You rolled your eyes on the brink of tears, he didn’t even come to get you himself. Jason opened the car door for you and nudged you inside, slamming it once you were clear.

“You better have a good reason,” he warned as he started the engine, “I was in the middle of a poker game.”

“Oh, yeah, ‘cause I’m such an inconvenience.” You were starting to remind him of himself. That was never a good thing.

“Okay, my bad. I didn’t mean it like that.” Jason began speeding down the block, you’d never once seen him obey a speed limit. You’d think someone with a fake ID and a death certificate would want to avoid any run-ins with the cops, but Gotham was just one of those cities.

“Yeah, right.” You reached for the radio knobs and felt Jason’s hand wrap around your wrist.

“No music until you explain yourself.” You fell back into your seat to pout, muttering some curses under your breath. “I won’t tell Bruce or anyone. I swear.”

“I just zoned out. Reflexes.” You bluntly replied.

“What?” He still didn’t have any context to go off of.

“I twisted someone’s arm backwards. Honest mistake.” Jason knew there was more to this story. “But on my way out of the classroom, I punched this kid who tried to trip me. That was on him.”

“As much as I condone payback, you can’t do that at school.” He sighed. “You’ve never been sent home before. That I know of. So why now?”

“Yeah, you know, maybe that’s the issue? You couldn’t tell me if I’ve ever gotten in trouble before. None of you could. You couldn’t tell me a definitive thing about me. When’s my birthday, Jason?” He was at a loss for words. “That’s what I thought.”

“So this was all for attention?” Jason asked. “There’s a hell of a lot of better ways to go about that.”

“Tried them all, this one barely even worked.” You replied with a crack in your voice. “How come none of you care about me? Why am I always looked over? I’m just like the rest of you. I put on that stupid suit every night and kick ass, I get my job done, I get good grades, I’m resourceful, I’m special—” You’d let that last one slip in your rant to your older brother, it shocked him so bad he stopped the car.

“I know what you mean.” Jason stared straight ahead at the empty road. “I felt the same way when I came back. After everyone was used to me being back, it was like nothing ever happened. Bruce just went back to calling me careless, irresponsible.”

“At least you get noticed, Jason. Your identifiable.” You turned to him with a pained look and he risked his confidence to look you in the eye. Once he did, he couldn’t look away. It hurt him to see someone so familiar to himself have tears running down their face because they felt forgotten. No kid should ever have to feel like that. That was why Bruce took him in. That was how Jason became Robin.

“Fuck this.” Jason hit the gas and turned the car around. “We’re getting ice cream. Do you like ice cream? That’s a serious question.”

“I...I guess.” You were somewhat confused by his sudden literal change in direction.

“Good. You’re my kid for today, all my attention goes to you. I’m sure Bruce won’t notice if you’re gone for a few hours.” Jason’s jaw dropped at his last comment. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, you’re right and you should say it.”

taglist: @thatwaspossession // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @kinoko-kai //

[miserablesme]

The Les Miserables Changelog Part 3: 1987 Broadway Production

Hello, everyone! This is the latest edition in my attempt to chronicle all of the musical and lyrical changes which the show Les Miserables has undergone over the years. This time, we're going through all the changes between the musical as it existed on the West End around 1985-1986 and the revised libretto for the 1987 Broadway production.

In some ways, this is a much easier changelog to compile than the last two simply because it is much easier to find audio evidence of the show from this era than from its pre-1987 self. We have a full soundboard of the original Broadway cast as well as a very good quality bootleg of the very first Broadway preview, as well as several audios from the next few years which use exactly the same script. We also have an officially released Symphonic Soundtrack which almost (but not quite) follows this version of the libretto exactly. So no more relying on unclear bootlegs and speculation to figure out what was changed when!

Having said that, the changes in this production were MASSIVE. It's almost certainly the most extensive edit the show's libretto has received to this day. As such, this will be a very long edition of this blog. So make sure you have a bit of time on your hands before reading it! With all that cleared up, let's begin.

The first change literally can be heard as soon as the musical begins. The pre-Broadway show opens up with the same recurring motif also heard, for instance, at the openings of "At the End of the Day" and "One Day More". This music then transitioned to the instrumentals to the opening "Work Song". The post-Broadway libretto cuts right to the chase, with the opening instrumentals to the "Work Song" starting right up without any preamble.

One interesting little non-scripted change occurs later in the "Work Song", but only in American productions. For whatever reason, every American Javert from the original Broadway cast until the first Broadway revival sang "And I am Javert" instead of "And I'm Javert", for reasons that honestly baffle me. Again, the libretto retained the original contraption as far as I'm aware, and the West End production as well as later UK and Australian tours still used it as well.

The next change happens while Valjean is on parole. After Valjean pleads against the farmer underpaying him, this was the farmer's original response:

Do you believe

A yellow ticket of leave

Allows a criminal like you to earn full screw?

Since Broadway, his response is instead as follows:

You broke the law

It's there for people to see

Why should you get the same as honest men like me?

I much prefer this revised version. Though the information is essentially the same, it feels more dramatic, as well as feeling less awkward now that it is in the form of separate sentences as opposed to a single sentence spoken in three lines with pauses in between. Moreover, the phrase "honest men like me" as used here provides interesting foreshadowing for its more well-known usage in "Master of the House". One could spend quite some time analysing the implications of this recurring description, but this blog is long enough as it is so now isn't the time!

In the same number, originally the innkeeper's wife had the following remark:

My rooms are full

And I've no supper to spare

I'd like to help you really, all I want is to be fair

Since Broadway, her line has been slightly modified:

My rooms are full

And I've no supper to spare

I'd like to help a stranger, all we want is to be fair

I suppose "I'd like to help a stranger" sounds less slang-y than "help you really". Presumably this is why it was changed. I find the change of subject from singular to plural far more interesting. My hypothesis is that the writers wanted to make it clear than this is a communal grudge, not a personal one. Everyone around sees it as perfectly fair to deny shelter to a former convict, not just this one individual. I definitely prefer the revised line, but evidently the producers of the West End production didn't; that production held on to the original lyrics for more than a decade after they were originally revised! More on that in a later edition of this blog...

A more minor change can be heard during "At the End of the Day". Originally, Valjean asks the factor workers "What is this shouting all about?" The Broadway script changes this to "What is this fighting all about?" Much less trivial implications now. I'm curious as to whether or not a staging change may have accompanied this. Usually the two workers get into quite a bit of physical scuffle by this point, far beyond the realm of shouting. Did the original pre-Broadway production use more subdued choreography?

"The Runaway Cart" has some noticeable differences. After Valjean asks the townspeople for help, the original response was sung by the entire ensemble, and went as follows:

(SOLO)

Don't go near him, Monsieur Mayor

There's nothing at all you can do

(ENSEMBLE)

The old man is a goner for sure

Leave him alone

The Broadway libretto revised this into a sequence sung by one individual at a time with the following lyrics:

Don't go near him, Monsieur Mayor

The load is as heavy as hell

The old man is a goner for sure

It will kill you as well

A female ensemble member sung "The old man is a goner for sure" while a male member sung the rest. I sort of like it better as an ensemble piece (something that would be largely brought back in later years, as I'll soon discuss) although I think it's cool that it rhymes now. Having said that, I'm fairly confident that no one in the real world has ever actually used the phrase "Heavy as hell"!

An official change in the libretto occurred in "Who Am I?" but listeners to the original Broadway cast would not have heard it. While the pre-Broadway show had Valjean refer to "This innocent who bears my face", the revised libretto instead refers to "This innocent who wears my face". Perhaps a means of avoiding repetition, given that the word "bear" is used again later in the number? Regardless, Colm Wilkinson didn't actually bother to adapt to this change! He still sings "This innocent who bears my face" in the Broadway production (as well as the tenth anniversary concert; not until his 1998 stint in Toronto did he ever start singing the revised lyrics). Since every future Valjean (except Ivan Rutherford for some reason) sings "wears", I still see it as appropriate to mention here.

At the end of the song, Valjean's "You know where to find me!", used on and off in the Barbican previews before becoming a settled part of the production by the final pre-Broadway libretto, is once again removed for the Broadway show. However, the West End production would keep it for a few years - more on that later...

Just listening to the original Broadway cast, one might think Javert's "Dare you talk to me of crime?" becomes "Dare you speak to me of crime?" However, this seems to be a Terrence Mann-exclusive change. Every Javert after him reverts to the original lyrics (as did Terrence himself when he returned to the musical fifteen years later). I'm still making note of the change here for the sake of clarification.

An instrumental change occurs between "Castle on a Cloud" and "Master of the House". Mme. Thenardier's "You heard me ask for something and I never ask twice" was original followed by three bars of notes, then by six more bars of notes that are identical to each other. After the Broadway production, however, those six bars of notes grow increasingly more dramatic as they go on.

A very slight change happens during the preamble to "Master of the House". Originally one of the guests proclaims "Hell, what a wine" while the revised libretto instead has him claim "God, what a wine". Definitely more natural in my opinion, though not a huge difference by any means.

A few subtle differences exist in the "Waltz of Treachery" number. First off, Thenardier originally asks "Have we done for your child what is best?" The Broadway libretto changes "your child" to "her child". I personally like the original lyric better, as it goes back to the idea established earlier that Valjean is metaphorically bargaining through the spirit of Fantine. It's definitely not a difference that makes or breaks the number, though.

Towards the end of the song comes another change that cannot actually be heard by listening to the original Broadway cast. In the pre-Broadway show, Valjean used the line "Let us seek out a friendlier sky", while the revised libretto has him say "Let us seek out some friendlier sky". However, Colm Wilkinson once again doesn't bother to adapt to the change, and unlike the "Who Am I?" change he wouldn't learn it over time either. He continues to sing "a friendlier sky" throughout his on-and-off performances as Valjean, right up to and including his 2002 run in Shanghai!

After the bulk of the number comes a more significant change. Prior to the Broadway production, as was discussed in the last entry, the "Waltz of Treachery" was followed by about forty-five seconds of vamping and then this exchange in the tune of "Castle on a Cloud":

(LITTLE COSETTE)

We're going home right now, monsieur

What is your name

(VALJEAN)

Now my dear

I've names enough, I've got names to spare

But where I go, you always will be there

Nor will you be afraid again

There is a sun that's shining yet

(LITTLE COSETTE)

I'm going to call you my Papa

(VALJEAN)

I'm going to call you my Cosette

The Broadway libretto replaced it with just under twenty seconds of vamping, followed by a sequence in the tune of the "Waltz of Treachery":

(VALJEAN)

Come Cosette

Come my dear

From now on I will always be here

Where I go

You will be

(LITTLE COSETTE)

Will there be children

And castles to see?

(VALJEAN)

Yes, Cosette

Yes it's true

There's a castle just waiting for you

This is followed by another fifteen or so seconds of vamping, and then the humming duet between Cosette and Valjean carries on as before.

Arguably the biggest change in the entire edited libretto happens now. Whereas the number was originally directly followed by "Stars", things have been moved around so that it instead transitions directly into "Look Down". "Look Down" itself receives a lot of adjustments. First off, the number began in the pre-Broadway musical with a bar of music that was then repeated. The Broadway version only plays the bar of music once, and the sung part happens immediately afterwards.

Gavroche's verse receives some lyrical updates. Originally it used the following lines:

This is my school, my high society

From St. Denis to St Michel

We live on crumbs of humble piety

Tough on the teeth, but what the hell?

If you're poor, if you're free

Follow me, follow me!

The Broadway production rewrote that sequence a little:

This is my school, my high society

Here in the slums of St Michel

We live on crumbs of humble piety

Tough on the teeth, but what the hell?

Think you're poor? Think you're free?

Follow me, follow me!

Better lines in my humble opinion; "slums" conveys the poverty of Gavroche's community much more effectively than the original line, and phrasing the "poor" and "free" lines as questions is more dramatic than their original statement form.

The old beggar woman's original "You give 'em all the pox" becomes the less grammatically accurate "Give 'em all the pox" for Broadway, though I have no idea if the original "You" was part of the libretto or simply an improvisation. Since seemingly all actresses used that line for the first few years of the West End production, it strikes me as warranting a mention.

Right after this comes another change. In the pre-Broadway show, the argument between the beggar woman and the prostitute was followed by an exchange by a few individual beggars. All of the following lines were said by one person at a time, the first three being said by female beggars and the last one by a male beggar:

When's it gonna end?

When're we gonna live?

Something's gotta happen, dearie

Something's gotta give

The Broadway libretto changes this to an ensemble piece performed by all the beggars simultaneously:

When's it gonna end?

When're we gonna live?

Something's gotta happen now or

Something's gotta give

I really like the switch to a group effort, as it really emphasizes that the beggars are a community sharing the burden of poverty. It really feels like an epidemic to an extent that it doesn't when it's just a small conversation. Evidently the producers of the West End show didn't agree with me though, as they held onto the original sequence for more than a decade after the official change, and by that point it had already been largely reverted worldwide! More on that in a later blog...

Originally, the exposition about General Lamarque was given by a few random students (supposedly not specified in the libretto, but in practice portrayed as Combeferre and Feuilly). Some ensemble dialogue between beggars was put in between. Feuilly sings over the end of the ensemble's lines - but many have speculated that this was not intended by the writers, as the background music sounds super out of sync with his singing! Here's how the scene went:

(COMBEFERRE)

As for the leaders of the land

As for the swells who run this show

Only one man and that's Lamarque

Speaks for the people here below

(BEGGARS)

Something for a meal

Something for a doss

Something in the name of Him who died upon the cross

On the cross, come across

On the cross, come across, come across

(FEUILLY)

Lamarque is ill and fading fast

Won't last the week out, so they say

With all the anger in the land

How long before the judgement day?

Before we cut the fat ones down to size?

Before the barricades arise?

Fortunately, the writers of the Broadway libretto had the sense to change the purveyors of the message into people actually relevant to the show's plot, namely Marius and Enjolras. Moreover, the beggars' dialog was rewritten into a sequence that feels far less clunky to me. The background music was fixed to account for the solo singing (now done by Marius) overlapping the beggars' lines, so it is now perfectly in sync. Here's the edited exchange:

(ENJOLRAS)

Where are the leaders of the land?

Where are the swells who run this show?

(MARIUS)

Only one man and that's Lamarque

Speaks for the people here below

(BEGGARS)

See our children fed

Help us in our shame

Something for a crust of bread in Holy Jesus' name

(SOLO BEGGAR)

In the Lord's holy name

(BEGGARS)

In His name, in His name, in His name

(MARIUS)

Lamarque is ill and fading fast

Won't last the week out, so they say

(ENJOLRAS)

With all the anger in the land

How long before the judgement day?

Before we cut the fat ones down to size?

Before the barricades arise?

Much better in my opinion! It should be noted that David Bryant instead sings "these people here below", but as far as I can tell every future Marius (or later Enjolras - more on that later) sings "the people, which is the actually phrasing in the libretto.

One final change in Look Down: Gavroche now says that all of Thenardier's family is "on the make", as opposed to the original "on the take". A rather pointless change in my book, though it certainly doesn't hurt anything.

"The Robbery" is another heavily edited number. Thenardier's line after acknowledging Brujon, Babet, and Claquesous was originally as follows:

You Montparnasse, watch for the p'lice

With Eponine, take care

You've got all the hash, I've got all the cash

The Broadway show rewrote those lines into their still-current form:

You Montparnasse, watch for the law

With Eponine, take care

You turn on the tears, no mistakes my dears!

This changed lyric more naturally transitions the scene into the gang's actual plan, though the original is an interesting continuation of Gavroche's recollection of Thenardier once running a hash house.

Mme. Thenardier's response is also altered from the original lyrics:

Here come a student from our street

One of 'Ponine's peculiar gents

Our Eponine would kiss his feet

She never showed a bit of sense

Into the current ones:

These bloody students on our street

Here they come slumming once again

Our Eponine would kiss their feet

She never showed a scrap of brain

It's interesting how the edit shifts the focus from Marius in particular to the students in general. It seems that Mme. Thenardier is less aware of the specifics of her daughter's personal life now, something that makes sense for her character.

After Mme. Thenardier's "You'll be in the clear", there was originally just eighteen seconds of a musical motif (the same one which opens "At the End of the Day" and "One Day More") followed by Thenardier's speech. Since Broadway, it's instead been followed by a few more lines of dialogue:

(MARIUS)

Who is that man

(EPONINE)

Leave me alone!

(MARIUS)

Why is here?

Hey Eponine!

Only now does the musical motif play. But instead of staying silent upon seeing Cosette, Marius now sings "I didn't see you there, forgive me..." Interestingly, in this video of a 1987 performance of the original West End production, Marius just stops without bumping into Cosette as he usually does. This makes me wonder whether or not the bumping was added into the Broadway version, and the lyric was added to accomodate for the blocking change. Of course, this is all speculation; I have no way to know for sure.

Thenardier's con job is also quite a bit different post-Broadway. Originally it used the following lyrics:

How you do? Spare a sou

God will see all the good that you do

Look monsieur, lost a leg

Hero of Waterloo now has to beg

Wait a bit, know that face...

The Broadway libretto edited it into its current form:

Please monsieur, come this way

Here's a child that ain't eaten today

Save a life, spare a sou

God rewards all the good that you do

Wait a bit, know that face...

It's interesting how Thenardier's facade shifts in focus from his own supposed hardship to that of an alleged child. I suppose the latter would be a good bit more effective in convincing passersby to donate!

During "Javert's Intervention", Thenardier now says "It was me that told you so, as opposed to the original "Wot told you so"; however, this seems to be a regional choice to account for a lack of Cockney accent, not an official libretto change. British productions retain the original "Wot".

“The Robbery” ends quite differently. Its pre-Broadway form had Gavroche’s remarks directly follow Javert’s “Clear this garbage off the street!” However, now Javert’s line is instead followed by some instrumentals to a slower version of the same tune as, for instance, “Honest work/Just reward/That’s the way to please the lord” and “He will bend/He will break/This time there is no mistake”.

After these instrumentals come the “Stars” number, now in a much more natural location given that Javert now has a logical reason to be thinking about Valjean!

The number itself is mostly the same, up until the final segment. After Javert’s “Those who falter and those who fall must pay the price”, he originally had the following lyrics:

Scarce to be counted

Changing the chaos

To order and light

You are the sentinels

Silent and sure

Keeping watch in the night

Keeping watch in the night

The post-Broadway show replaced this with a much more climactic remark:

Lord let me find him

That I may see him

Safe behind bars

I will never rest ‘til then

This I swear

This is swear by the stars

WOW, what an improvement! Now the stars are tied much better to Valjean himself, and Javert’s motivation is much clearer!

Now that “Stars” is over, we finally get Gavroche's remarks. The lyrics are the same; however, instead of the tempo progressively getting faster as it goes along, it now gets progressively slower. Interestingly the audio of the first preview has Gavroche saying "mother dear" instead of "auntie dear", but it's back to the original line by the second known original Broadway cast audio. Both audio feature Braden Danner; whether the "mother dear" was a choice on his part or a director's, a flub, or a libretto change that was later reverted is unknown.

"Eponine's Errand" has some significant changes. First off, the original libretto gave Marius and Eponine this exchange:

(MARIUS)

Did you see that lovely girl

(EPONINE)

A lovely two-a-penny thing

The Broadway libretto edited it a little:

(MARIUS)

Eponine, who was that girl?

(EPONINE)

Some bourgeois two-a-penny thing

Marius' request has also been changed from its original lyrics:

Eponine, do this for me

But careful how you go

Your father mustn't know

He'll strike another blow

'Ponine, I'm lost until she's found

Into some far clearer and more direct instructions:

Eponine, do this for me

Discover where she lives

But careful how you go

Don't let your father know

'Ponine, I'm lost until she's found

And yes, the line was "your father" right from day one. Michael Ball flubs it as "her father" on the complete symphonic recording, leading many to assume that was the original lyric which was changed later. But I'm not aware of a single live performance to use that lyric (which doesn't make a lot of sense anyway).

Another side note: Some Marius actors have very slightly changed the third line to "Be careful how you go" or "But careful as you go", though neither lyric is the standard.

Post-Broadway, as the instrumentals to "Red and Black" play, a student (I'm not sure which one) now shouts Enjolras' name before the singing begins.

During "Red and Black", Michael Maguire changes the original "It is easy to sit here and swat 'em like flies" to "Oh, it's easy to sit here and swat 'em like flies". However, this is an individual choice of the actor, not an official libretto change. Every future Enjolras I'm aware of (except Ramin Karimloo for some reason) uses the original line.

An actual libretto change occurs soon afterwards. After Marius' entrance, Grantaire originally asks, "Marius, what's wrong with you today?" The post-Broadway show changes this to "Marius, you're late. What's wrong today?" This makes it much clearer why Grantaire might suspect something is wrong.

Soon afterwards, Grantaire's original line "We talk of battles to be won, and here he comes like Don Juan" is slightly tweaked to "You talk of battles to be won". This is a little more appropriate, since Grantaire isn't actually doing a lot of talking!

After "Red and Black", Gavroche's part is very slightly changed. First off, American performances for a few years would have Gavroche whistle right before everyone quiets down, though I have no idea if this was in the libretto or not.

Secondly, Gavroche's original remark, "It's General Lamarque! He's dead!" is shortened to just "General Lamarque is dead!"

In another contender for the biggest change in the entire edit, the entire "I Saw Him Once" number is totally removed. I have mixed feelings about this. It does give Cosette, a frustratingly underwritten character, some additional content. However, stylistically it's not all that much like any other number in the musical, and it doesn't really add enough information to the show to warrant a whole song. So I say with regret that it was probably for the best to delete the number.

To compensate for the lost number, "In My Life" is lengthened to include the establishing character moments that "I Saw Him Once" originally did. Originally it opened as follows:

(COSETTE)

Dearest papa, can I tell him of this?

How can I tell him the things that I feel?

How could he understand?

(VALJEAN)

Dear Cosette, you're such a lonely child...

The post-Broadway opener is instead as follows:

(COSETTE)

How strange, this feeling that my life's begun at last

This change, can people really fall in love so fast?

What's the matter with you Cosette?

Have you been to much on your own?

So many things unclear

So many things unknown

In my life

There are so many questions and answers

That somehow seem wrong

In my life

There are times when I catch in the silence

The sigh of a faraway song

And it sings of a world that I long to see

Out of reach, just a whisper away, waiting for me

Does he know I'm alive? Do I know if he's real?

Does he see what I see? Does he feel what I feel?

In my life

I'm no longer alone

Now the love in my life is so near

Find me now, find me here

(VALJEAN)

Dear Cosette, you're such a lonely child...

After Valjean gives Cosette his cryptic defense of his secrecy, Cosette had a remark that is sadly incredibly hard to understand in the quality of the recordings we have. It apparently went something like this:

There are voices I hear

That come into my mind

Full of noise, full of fear

When the noise was unkind

In my life

I'm no longer afraid

And I yearn for the truth that you know

Of the years, years ago

Her post-Broadway response is much shorter:

In my life

I'm no longer a child

And I yearn for the truth that you know

Of the years, years ago

Shorter, but just as effective in my book. Plus, the use of the word "child" nicely ties into Valjean's initial remark that Cosette is "such a lonely child", as well as Cosette's frustration that he still sees her as "a child who is lost in the woods".

The next number, "A Heart Full of Love", also has a LOT of rewritten lyrics. First of all, after Marius' "I do not even know your name", these are his original lyrics:

Dear mademoiselle

I am lost in your spell

The Broadway production changed the lyrics into:

Dear mademoiselle

Won't you say? Will you tell?

I suppose this fits a little better with his remark about not knowing Cosette's name.

After Marius and Cosette finally learn each other's names (an important step in a relationship if you ask me!) this was their original way of showing their affection:

(MARIUS)

Cosette, your name is like a song

(COSETTE)

My song is you

(MARIUS)

Is it true?

(COSETTE)

Yes, it's true

The Broadway production rewrote it into the following:

(MARIUS)

Cosette, I don't know what to say

(COSETTE)

Then make no sound

(MARIUS)

I am lost

(COSETTE)

I am found

In my opinion, the rewrite captures the slight awkwardness of young love much better, as well as making a lot more sense!

Immediately afterwards, this is the original exchange:

(MARIUS and COSETTE)

A heart full of love

A heart full of you

(MARIUS)

The words are foolish but they're true

Cosette, Cosette

What were we dreaming when we met?

(COSETTE)

I can sing

(MARIUS)

Dear Cosette

(COSETTE)

A heart full of love...

The Broadway libretto redoes the scene as the following:

(MARIUS)

A heart full of love

(COSETTE)

A night bright as day

(MARIUS)

And you must never go away

Cosette, Cosette

(COSETTE)

This is a chain we'll never break

(MARIUS)

Do I dream?

(COSETTE)

I'm awake

(MARIUS)

A heart full of love...

Almost a totally different scene! The post-Broadway variant is better structured, but I do like the original too.

As the trio of Marius, Cosette, and Eponine exchanges inner monologues, Marius originally has the line "I saw her waiting and I knew". The Broadway libretto changed this to "A single look and then I knew". I kind of prefer the original, as it implies a little more than something as trivial as a cursory glance.

In the closing lyrical overlap of the song, Cosette originally sings "Waiting for you", but post-Broadway she sings "I knew it too". Then, she originally sings "At your call" but post-Broadway she sings "Every day".

During the opening to "The Attack on Rue Plumet", Montparnasse refers to Valjean as "the one that got away the other day" as opposed to his original "the bloke wot got away the other day". However, this is another regional change made for the sake of making sense outside of a cockney accent. The official libretto still had the original lyrics.

A tiny change occurs during Thenardier and Eponine's fight. Claquesous originally thinks it's a palaver and an absolute treat "to watch a cat and its father" picking a bone in the street. The Broadway libretto changed this to "see a cat and a father". Why exactly the writers felt the need to make such a miniscule edit is mystifying to me, but it certainly doesn't hurt anything.

Another change occurs later in the number, after Eponine's scream. Originally this was Thenardier's reaction:

Make for the sewers, don't wait around

Leave her to me, go underground

You wait my girl, you'll rue this night

I'll make you scream, you'll scream alright!

These lines were mixed up a bit for the Broadway libretto:

You wait my girl, you'll rue this night

I'll make you scream, you'll scream alright!

Leave her to me, don't wait around

Make for the sewers, go underground

The post-Broadway variation arguably is a bit less climactic due to it not ending on a threat. However, the original climax isn't all that appropriate since Eponine and Thenardier never actually interact at any later point in the musical. I like that the post-Broadway version ends on something that's actually relevant to the remainder of the show (namely, that Thenardier will be in the sewers). Evidently the West End producers didn't agree with me; this is another line in which the original was kept there for more than a decade (at which point a rewrite closer to the original was already being used worldwide)!

In "One Day More", Javert's "One day more to revolution" is slightly changed to "One more day to revolution". However, the number is otherwise unchanged.

And that's it for Act One! The opening barricade scene to act two has a small change. Grantaire's pre-Broadway "Some will bark, some will bite" was changed to "Dogs will bark, fleas will bite". Makes a lot more sense in my opinion!

The opening to "On My Own" is changed as well. Originally it was performed as follows:

And now I'm all alone again

Nowhere to go, no one to turn to

I did not want your money sir

I came out here 'cause I was told to

The Broadway version rewrote it into the following:

And now I'm alone again

Nowhere to turn, no one to go to

Without a home, without a friend

Without a face to say hello to

A huge improvement in my book. It actually rhymes now, and is far less likely to be misconstrued as ungrateful.

After receiving a massive overhaul not that long before, "Little People" was slightly tweaked for the Broadway show. The pre-Broadway version had this ending:

So never kick a dog

Because he’s just a pup

You’d better run for cover when the pup grows up!

Another line (taken from the original longer version of "Little People" as well as all versions of its reprise) was added for the post-Broadway show:

So never kick a dog

Because he’s just a pup

We'll fight like twenty armies and we won't give up

So you’d better run for cover when the pup grows up!

Grantaire's line afterwards is literally reversed in meaning from the original "Better far to die a schoolboy than a policeman and a spy!" into "What's the difference? Die a schoolboy, die a policeman, die a spy!" This post-Broadway lyric fits better into Grantaire's cynical personality.

A very subtle edit is made in "Little Fall of Rain" (to the point that I only just realized its existence by reading an old internet forum!) Pre-Broadway, Marius asks Eponine "Did you see my beloved?" The tense is changed from past to present perfect for the Broadway libretto, so that he now sings "Have you seen my beloved?"

"Drink with Me" receives quite a bit of editing. The opening few lines are originally all sung by Grantaire:

Drink with me to days gone by

Sing with me the songs we knew

Here's to pretty girls who went to our heads

Here's to witty girls who went to our beds

Here's to them and here's to you

Now, those lyrics are split between various students:

(FEUILLY)

Drink with me to days gone by

Sing with me the songs we knew

(PROUVAIRE)

Here's to pretty girls who went to our heads

(JOLY)

Here's to witty girls who went to our beds

(ALL STUDENTS)

Here's to them and here's to you

A far more touching scene now that it entails an entire group of friends reminiscing about their lives, as opposed to the thoughts of one heavily drunk individual.

Originally this was followed by a segment by the male ensemble:

Drink with me to days gone by

To the life that used to be

At the shrine of friendship never say die

Let the wine of friendship never run dry

Then, this was followed by the same lyrics, but sung by the male and female ensembles overlapping. The Broadway libretto removes that and replaces it with an all-new segment with Grantaire. It's much more cynical and philosophical than his original lines:

Drink with me to days gone by

Can it be you fear to die?

Will the world remember you when you fall?

Could it be your death means nothing at all?

Is you life just one more lie?

The lyrics from the pre-Broadway show, in their male-and-female overlapping form, are played afterwards.

The next change occurs during the Second Attack. Pre-Broadway, this was how the opening lyrics went:

(ENJOLRAS)

How do we stand, Feuilly make your report

(FEUILLY)

We've guns enough but bullets running short

(MARIUS)

Let me go into the street

There are bodies all around

Ammunition to be had

Lots of bullets to be found

Some very small edits were made for Broadway:

(ENJOLRAS)

How do we stand, Feuilly make your report

(FEUILLY)

We've guns enough but ammunition short

(MARIUS)

I will go into the street

There are bodies all around

Ammunition to be had

Lots of bullets to be found

The following exchange also is a bit edited. Here's how it went pre-Broadway:

(ENJOLRAS)

I can't let you go, it's too much of a chance

(MARIUS)

And the same can be said for any man here

(VALJEAN)

Let me go in his place, he's no more than a boy

I am old and alone and have nothing to fear

Post-Broadway, it instead goes as follows:

(ENJOLRAS)

I can't let you go, it's too much of a chance

(MARIUS)

And the same is true for any man here

(VALJEAN)

Let me go, he's no more than a boy

I am old, I have nothing to fear

Finally, Gavroche's final lines are as follows pre-Broadway:

So never kick a dog

Because he’s just a pup

You’d better run for cover when the pup grows up

And we’ll fight like twenty armies and we won’t give…

A small edit is made for the Broadway production, so that the latter two lines are reversed:

So never kick a dog

Because he’s just a pup

We’ll fight like twenty armies and we won’t give up

So you’d better run for cover when the pup grows...

I'd say this is an improvement, since Gavroche's death is all the more impactful when his literal last unfinished words are about growing up.

Not long afterwards comes the Final Battle. Leading up to Enjolras' climactic moment, the original lines went as follows:

(ENJOLRAS)

Come on my friends, though we stand here alone

Let us go to our deaths with our face to our foes

(COMBEFERRE)

Let 'em pay for each death with a death of their own

(COURFEYRAC)

If they get me, by God, they will pay through the nose

(ENJOLRAS)

Let others rise to take our place

Until the earth is free

The sequence was edited for Broadway, giving a bit more breathing space:

(ENJOLRAS)

Let us die facing our foes

Make them bleed while they can

(COMBEFERRE)

Make them pay through the nose

(COURFEYRAC)

Make them pay for every man

(ENJOLRAS)

Let others rise to take our place

Until the earth is free

"Dog Eats Dog" is a very heavily-edited number. First off, the vamping at the beginning originally lasts about 30 seconds. By Broadway, it has been reduced to about nineteen seconds.

After Thenardier's "As a service to the town" line, he originally sung the following lines:

It's a world where the dogs eat the dogs

And the worst is as good as the best

It's a stinking great sewer that's crawling with rats

And one rat is as good as the rest

I raise my eyes to see the heavens

And only the moon looks down

That entire sequence was cut for Broadway.

Soon afterwards, Thenardier originally proclaims "Here's a little toy". The Broadway edit changes it to "Here's another toy", perhaps to make it seem less repetitive after his "pretty little thing" line.

The exact same lines from after "As a service to the town" are repeated in the pre-Broadway number after Thenardier's "When the gutters run with blood" line, with one more line added afterwards:

It's a world where the dogs eat the dogs

And the worst is as good as the best

It's a stinking great sewer that's crawling with rats

And one rat is as good as the rest

I raise my eyes to see the heavens

And only the moon looks down

The harvest moon shines down

Unlike the first instance of those lines, they aren't completely excised for Broadway. They are, however, significantly rewritten:

It's a world where the dogs eat the dogs

And they kill for the bones in the street

And God in His heavens, He don't interfere

'Cause He's dead as the stiffs at my feet

I raise my eyes to see the heavens

And only the moon looks down

The harvest moon shines down

I really like how the edited version focuses more on godlessness than on how gross the sewer is. Not that a lack of a god is inherently sinister; I am quite agnostic myself and I think the unbreakable connection between religion and morality alleged by some is ridiculous. But it is blatantly obvious that Thenardier sees no reason to be moral provided no one will punish him.

As a side note, the 1985 London official soundtrack oddly uses this variant, yet the 1986 bootleg audio I have uses the original. Perhaps the original was experimented with, reverted, and later put in again? Who knows...

After the number, Thenardier now shouts Valjean's name.

The encounter in the sewers between Valjean and Javert originally ended as follows, with Javert's first two lines here in a tune not heard anywhere else in the musical to my recollection:

(VALJEAN)

Come, time is running short

(JAVERT)

Go take him, I'll be waiting at the door

I've never met a man like you before

A man such as you

The sequence was extended for the Broadway libretto, to the tune of "Look Down" and the "Work Song":

(VALJEAN)

Come, time is running short

Look down, Javert

He's standing in his grave

(VALJEAN - simultaneously with the next two lines)

Give way, Javert

There is a life to save

(JAVERT - simultaneously with the previous two lines)

Take him, Valjean

Before I change my mind

(JAVERT)

I will be waiting, 24601

A slight change can be heard in "Every Day". Originally Marius sings that he and Cosette will "remember that night and the song that we sang". The Broadway libretto edited this into the decidedly less medium-aware "remember that night and the vow that we made".

"Valjean's Confession" has been reworked to the point that it can scarcely even be considered the same song. After Valjean's "There's something now that must be done", this was how the song went:

(VALJEAN)

Monsieur, I cannot stay a night beneath your roof

I am a convict, sir, my body bears the proof

My name is Jean Valjean

I never told Cosette, I bear this guilt alone

And this I swear to you, her innocence is real

Her love is true

Our love, our life, are now her own

And I must face the years alone

(MARIUS)

I do not understand what's the sense of it all?

Is the world upside down?

Will the universe fall?

If it's true what you say, and Cosette doesn't know

Why confess it to me?

Why confess it at all?

What forces you to speak after all?

(VALJEAN)

You and Cosette must be free of reproach

It is not your affair

There is a darkness that's over my life

It's the cross I must bear

It's for Cosette this must be faced

If I am found, she is disgraced

(MARIUS)

What can I do that would turn you from this...

After the Broadway rewrite, Valjean's "There's something now that must be done" is followed by this:

(VALJEAN)

You've spoken from the heart, and I must do the same

There is a story, sir, of slavery and shame

That you alone must know

I never told Cosette, she had enough of tears

She's never known the truth, the story you must hear

Of years ago

There lived a man whose name was Jean Valjean

He stole some bread to save his sister's son

For nineteen winters served his time

In sweat he washed away his crime

Years ago

He broke parole and lived a life apart

How could he tell Cosette and break her heart?

It's for Cosette this must be faced

If he is caught she is disgraced

The time is come to journey on

And from this day he must be gone

Who am I?

Who am I?

(MARIUS)

You're Jean Valjean

What can I do that will turn you from this...

The few lines afterwards are the same, but as you can see not much else in the song is! Even the tune diverges a lot between the two variants. I'm very conflicted about which one I prefer. I gravitate towards the final one, though it's nice that the original actually tried to address to confusing notion that Valjean wants to tell his son-in-law of his past yet not his own daughter.

"Beggars at the Feast" originally ended with a solo for Thenardier:

(THENARDIER and MME. THENARDIER)

We know where the wind is blowing

Money is the stuff we smell

(THENARDIER)

And when I'm rich as Croesus

Jesus, won't I see you all in Hell!

The Broadway libretto switched this to a group line:

(THENARDIER and MME. THENARDIER)

We know where the wind is blowing

Money is the stuff we smell

And when we're rich as Croesus

Jesus, won't we see you all in Hell!

I much prefer the revised version, as the two Thenardiers clearly are in this act together. It seems more appropriate to let them both have the last laugh.

A small change occurs in the Epilogue. Pre-Broadway, Fantine sings "You raised my child with love". However, post-Broadway, she instead sings "You raised my child in love".

Another change occurs later in the epilogue. In the pre-Broadway show, Cosette tells Valjean that "It's too soon to ever say goodbye". The post-Broadway libretto instead has her sing "It's too soon, too soon to say goodbye". Repetitive as it may be, I prefer it over the original because the original awkwardly combines language clearly denoting the moment with language implying eternality.

Phew, we're finally at the end! Rest assured this is almost certainly the longest changelog you'll ever be forced to endure. I'm fairly sure it's complete, but this particular rewrite was so extensive it's not impossible that I missed something. Please feel free to let me know if that is the case.

As a side note, both for this project and my own enjoyment, I want as complete a collection of Les Miserables audios as possible. I already have most of what’s commonly circulated, but if you have any audios or videos you know are rare, or some audios that you haven't traded in a few years, I’d love it if you DMed me!

Until the turntable puts me at the forefront again, good-bye…

[tokoyamisstuff]

Tender Ch. 3 - Loki x Mute! Reader

Summary: As time passes,Loki and Reader grow closer.

Warnings: None. Cheesy, self-indulgent romance.

Words:

[Story Masterlist] [All of my Works]

Taglist: @austynparksandpizza​ @queenariesofnarnia​​ @commonintrest​​ @buckylokisimp​ @just-someone-who-likes-to-write​ @lxdyred​ @frostay​ @nina1800​

It was almost 8pm when the display of Loki’s cellphone lightened up, and immediately his heart dropped to his stomach.

Only recently the god had learned how to use this annoying tool, still refusing to take it with him all the time. But since it was easier for you to just text, he’d put up with it.

And truth be spoken, except for Thor sending him those silly ‘Memes’, there wasn’t really anyone eager to talk to him anway - so he knew it had to be you.

Thousand worries were made up by his mind, of you having realized this wasn’t a good idea and canceling your date. Holding his breath, he dared to unlock the screen and read:

“I’m so excited to see you tonight! 💘”

“Don’t raise your hopes” he thought to himself, now busying his mind with every possible way of him fucking things up - and still, your message made him grin from ear to ear.

“As you should be” Loki answered and put down the phone, just to pick itn back up and sending some random emoji’s so it wouldn’t sound so harsh. “💌💚💐😏“

You on the other hand felt as excited as a teenager on their first date, having occupied yourself for hours through trying on different outfits, as well as getting your hair and make-up just right. This was a special occasion, after all!

“I hope he’ll like me...” you thought as you assessed your silhouette in the mirror, debating wether this dress was too revealing or not. In the end, you decided to wrap a silken scarf around your neck - so he won’t have to see the scar.

A knock on your door made you jump a little. Had it already been this late?!

“Miss Y/N?” Loki patiently waited in front of your flat’s door, just for his whole expression to falter when you opened. “You- uh...look ravishing.”

“T-h-a-n-k y-o-u!” You mimicked, trying to give him your most welcoming smile. Oh, how glad you were that he could at least read lips - but then, the most unexpected thing happened.

“You’re welcome” he signed, a little sloppy and unsure how to precizely use his hands, but still good enough for you to understand.

“When did you-” Loki answered before you were even done signing the whole sentence, and you were completely and utterly baffled at his skill. “Started a week ago. Needs some improvement, but I get the basics.”

Basics?! Since when was the God of Mischief so humble? Especially if he really only self-teached this at such an incredible speed, that was amazing!

Loki’s trademark grin spread over his cheeks, pretty satisfied with himself as he saw how your eyes were shining in excitement. “No big deal. Shall we?”

Much to your further surprise, the god even offered you his arm to cling on, before the two of you made your leave.

You couldn’t help but admire how handsome he appeared in that suit, his locks tamed behind his ears and golden accessory complimenting his look. The whole way to wherever he’d lead you was coated in pleasant silence, with both of you exchanging small smiles and joyful glances.

“There we are!” Loki declared proudly, as if you were not still in the Stark Tower - well, he isn’t allowed to leave, so we’d better make the best of it.

The compound was gigantic, having almost everything one could think about. To be honest, you had expected a restaurant, maybe a movie night or something classy - well, on the other hand you don’t know they do it on Asgard.

But this?!

You’ve never been at this part of the tower before, unaware there were such beautiful places in this rather boring, high-tech environment.

“I come here often” he signed and you nodded approvingly, “It eases the feeling of being imprisoned.”

Yes, one could truly forget that you were still inside of the tower while standing in that great botanical garden at the top floor, ceiling made completely out of glass and revealing the starry night sky.

"B-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l” your mouth formed silently, just as you felt a hand on your hip. Loki embraced you from behind, his lips gracing your ear as he whispered “Just like you.”

“P-Pardon” he cut himself off, his grip loosening much to your frustration. “I didn’t know what came over me.”

Yet you only clasped his hand, signalizing him it was alright. “Well then...let me lead you to the table.”

In midst of this beautiful garden was a festively decorated table for two, with Loki holding one chair out for you to sit down. It seemed like he had thought of everything, making you wonder just how long he had prepared for this evening to go well.

As a prince, he was not really used to cooking, so he had gotten something in advance, together with some fine wines. “Not to compare with Asgardian quality” he joked, insisting you’d only deserve the best, “But it will do.”

Loki Odinson was the perfect gentleman, and every second of this date you became more aware of how unbelievably you had already fallen for him from the very start.

The two of you would exchange tales about your respective homelands, impactful events on your life as well as your dreams and ambitions. Even without a single spoken word, this conversation was deep and so natural, you could’ve kept on forever.

He would be happy to show you some little magic tricks, such as making blossoms float or lights appear everywhere. May you want it or not, the prince showered you in small gifts such as a selection of his most favourite reads he thought you might like, or a bracelet resembling two snakes intertwined with each other.

Oh, how both of you wished time would stop, letting you revel in this evening just a bit longer...

Having forgotten about time completely, you only realized how much time had passed when the sun was already rising at the horizon.

“Oh my” Loki chuckled shyly, almost feeling guilty for you were probably exhausted. “Let me consort you to your rooms, my fair lady.”

Trying his best to ignore all the spiteful looks Tony’s coworkers gave him as they crossed your way in the hallways, the god wished he would’ve just teleported you back.

“I need to thank you, my love.” The nickname escaped his lips quicker than his mind could catch up on. “Umm, I mean, I really enjoyed myself today. Hopefully you did too.”

You bit your lip, trying to play down your nervousness from expecting him to make a move - yet there was no kiss. Not even a hug, or anything to bid you goodbye.

“Sleep well-” Loki blinked heavily as you clutched on his arm, fingernails digging into the fabric of his suit. “What’s wrong, little dove?”

He squinted his eyes together, racking his brain as hard as he could to decipher your ASL, hopefully not misunderstanding something.

“Do you want to come inside?”

"I-I-I...” Hel, that caught him off guard. But you only gave him a sleepy smile, expression as welcoming as always. “That’s considered bad manners, I mean-”

“Not that!” You huffed quite amused at him becoming all flustered. “I thought you may want to sleep here? Just sleep, nothing more.”

“Of cou- I mean, if you insist” he desperately tried to preserve the last piece of dignity left inside of him, trying to downplay just how needy he was for your affection. "If you insist.”

Sheepishly entering your wide, one-room flat, Loki walked close behind you as his glare immediately went to the sofa on your right - yet you confidently shook your head, pointing towards the king-sized bed.

“This is new to me.” You judgingly rose your eyebrow at his statement, knowing the stories about how he and his brothers were heartbreakers back on Awsgard very well. “Not like that, I mean...ah, forget it.”

Much to your displeasure, the prince would rest far away from you, lying stiffly on his back.

Thinking back about your relationship up until now, you didn’t feel like sleeping in the same bed would cross any line:

It all started very subtle and slowly, but not unnoticed by you and the others - how over time, the God of Mischief was craving your touch. Like his hand ‘accidentally’ brushing against yours, just barely noticeable. Or how he almost naturally cuddled under the blanket with you whenever you were sitting on the same sofa.

The more time passed, the more confident Loki became in his approaches, always wary of your reaction - which would be delighted every single time.

Hugs had already become a firm ritual whenever one of you two traumazized messes were in need of affirmation.

Even some innocent kisses anywhere but your lips were a permanent feature or your togetherness by now, and both of you cherished every second of it.

So you’d plainly crawl over to his side of the bed, pressing yourself against his back.

“I tend to experience nightmares...” Loki whispered, only to be answered with your grip around him depending. "Maybe I should leave."

You snug your head hard against his back, inhaling his scent - for some reason, Loki always smelled like freshly cut grass and old books, not that you'd complain though.

The sound of his heartbeat was like music in your ears, and without giving him a response, it would soon calm you into a sweet slumber.

Tonight, Loki's mind would find peace.

[the-infinite-jukebox]

Panic! at the Disco - Viva Las Vengeance (Album Review)

(Review #419, August 19th [2022]) Viva Las Vengeance is the latest studio album from Panic! at the Disco. Although Panic! became a Brendon Urie solo project some time ago, the name hasn't fallen out of relevance since their pop punk origins made them massive icons of the 2000s. Their last record, the musical failure that was Pray for the Wicked, saw a string of hit singles that cemented their place in the current musical landscape. However, with the lack of attention that Viva Las Vengeance got, things might be turning around quickly on Urie.

One of the biggest issues with Viva Las Vengeance is that it relies too heavily on influences that simply cannot be recreated. It has been painfully obvious for some time now that Brendon Urie has wanted to make music that walks a line somewhere between anthemic indie rock like The Strokes and Queen's 80s output. The thing he doesn't seem to realize though is that the magic of those particular catalogues has more to do with the artists behind them than it does what was being created. Panic! at the Disco is a project with none of the passion or inventiveness of its influences. "Sugar Soaker" wants to be the equivalent of musical sex, but has none of the attitude needed to do so. Other cuts like "God Killed Rock & Roll" and the title track take a stab at pure grandiosity, but don't have the guts to go the distance. Viva Las Vengeance was unlikely to be anything more than mediocre from the start considering Panic!'s recent track record, but Brendon Urie's unwillingness to embrace a unique and self-defined sound ensures the album can't even reach the threshold slight remarkability. Viva Las Vengeance also attempts to be quite theatrical. This, as you may expect, completely belly flops. However, it belly flops into a body of water that is so cringe-inducingly cold that there is no possible way to save it from just sinking farther and farther down. "Something About Maggie" is just an example of a cut that feels like something that even a fan of Dear Evan Hansen would spit on and stomp into the ground for being over-the-top. Brendon Urie's enthusiasm for theater is obvious on Viva Las Vengeance, but being paired with a lack of care for virtually every other aspect of the record doesn't lend this side of the album any favors. In fact, the theatrical influences become quickly grating as it becomes obvious just how forced they can be at times. Most of the songs like Viva Las Vengeance could have been played totally straight to slightly more success. Adding this unnecessary flavor to things only makes an album with unclear merits even more muddy. This is all mixed together with some of the worst songwriting of Urie's career. To set things straight, Brendon Urie has never been some sort of master wordsmith. However, his lacking-in-self-awareness yet still songwriting in the early stages of his career as well as his more knowingly mindless lyrical style in recent years has been consistently acceptable. Viva Las Vengeance's songwriting has an air about it that seems to state that it believes it is making some grand artistic statement. Urie is doing no such thing here. The overconfidence of the poignancy of the lyricism here is paired with the baffling bad songwriting on cuts like "Middle of a Breakup." While Pray for the Wicked was still arguably the worse album overall, Viva Las Vengeance certainly has the weakest songwriting of Brendon Urie's entire stint under the Panic! at the Disco name. In conclusion, Viva Las Vengeance was never on anyone's tongue for a potential contender for album of the year. In fact, it seemed like nobody cared much about the announcement of the album. Viva Las Vengeance may not be quite as bad as Pray for the Wicked, but its forced theatrical nature and pathetic songwriting ensures it never once manages to achieve a sense of decency.

Final Rating: 1.5/5 (Awful)

Essential Tracks: N/A

[allthingskakashi]

• Birthday Boy •

[ Kakashi x Reader ]  |  3 Chapters // 17. 2k words  |

This is hella long so if you’d rather read on Ao3, here’s my Ao3 link 

A/n : slight shift from canon cause Gai is still capable of walking even after the war

CHAPTER - 1 (2 days to go!)

You let out a sigh, your eyes glancing over to the small desk calendar sitting in front of you.

September 13th.

A photograph of bright pink cherry blossom trees stands out on the glossy white page.

Just one more day. Just one more day and you still have absolutely no idea.

Your teeth grit unconsciously on the plastic cap of your pen as you look at the papers laid out on the table. You still have so much paperwork to get through. How, when or what you’ll plan for Kakashi’s birthday is beyond you.

You let out another loud sigh, the air making the papers in front of you shuffle just a little.

“Three.”

“Huh?” the voice brings you out of your stupor, and you look up at the purple haired woman sitting across from you, immersed in her own work.

“That was your third sigh.” Anko states, looking up at you with her eyebrows furrowed. “What’s going on with you?”

You lay your pen down on the desk, resting your forehead against your hands to massage your throbbing temples.

“Nothing, I’m just so overloaded with work, I barely have time to breathe.” You reply, dark bags under your eyes serving as witnesses. “And on top of that…Kakashi’s birthday is coming up and I really want to plan something special for him. But with all this work, I don’t know when I’ll get the time. And even more importantly, I haven’t the slightest idea what to do.” You say, leaning back against your chair to look up at the ceiling.

Anko stares back at you, her otherwise impassive face broken only by the slightest hint of sympathy behind her eyes.

“Really? Well, you better ask that old miser to pay up and throw us a party. He’s Hokage and what not now.”

Her words elicit an immediate eye roll from you. Protectiveness towards your boyfriend aside, that’s a completely ridiculous statement.

“Shouldn’t I be the one to throw HIM a party?” you retort as you slouch forward resting your elbows on the table, staring at your smirking friend in despair.

“What am I going to do, Anko? He’s been so busy since he became Hokage, I really want to make this one day special for him.”

The look on your face is so miserable, it makes even Anko soften up just a little.  

“I don’t know Y/n.” she shrugs, “I don’t usually stick around long enough to have to think of this kind of crap. Just hand him two beers I guess, put on a nice push-up bra and you’re golden.”

You narrow your eyes, shaking your head at her. “I have to give him a present too”

“Wear a bra with a bow on it.”                          

If you didn’t know Anko better, you’d have thought she was joking.

You sigh again. This is a lost cause, talking to Anko about this.

“UGHHHHH!! You’re completely useless!!” you cry out, bending forward and making a show of banging your head against the wooden table as she laughs, watching you with a pitiful look.

 “Hell-o Anko! Y/n! Correct me if I am wrong but I think I just overheard my dear rival’s name!”

A familiar voice fills the room and you stop to turn your head at the sudden intrusion.

It’s none other than Maito Gai, and the air surrounding you almost immediately livens up at his presence.

“I hear you are confused about what to do for Kakashi’s birthday! Fear not Y/n! I am here and I will help you make sure that my dear rival has the best birthday he has ever had in his entire life!”

You perk up at his words, looking at the man standing by your side.

Now that’s the spirit you’re looking for.

“Thank you so much Gai! You came in at the right time! What do you have in mind?”

Gai hurries to take a seat beside you as you turn around to face him, your eager eyes widened with interest.

“Hmmm, let me think…” he puts a finger on his chin before clicking his fingers. “A nice intimate evening with good food and tasteful music and lots of activities to celebrate the Power of Youth!!!” he says, before standing up again with his fist in the air.

You let out a wide grin at his words, that sounds absolutely perfect.

A nice intimate evening, just you and Kakashi. You could maybe cook up something, he’s taught you quite a lot of recipes lately. And music, yes. He has never been one to listen to much music but it’ll set the mood.

And activities to celebrate the power of youth… yeah, you can surely think of quite a few of those. A red tinge creeps onto your cheeks at the thought.

How you would manage the time is still a question but now that you at least have a fair idea, you can probably work something out.

“Thank you so much Gai!” you say, clasping the man’s large hands with your smaller ones. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. That sounds absolutely perfect!”

His eyes light up at your words. “You are very welcome Y/n! It is only my duty as Kakashi’s rival!”

You can hear him say something else in the background but your mind is already wandering, flooding your brain with all sorts of visuals. Expensive wine, the very best…a candlelight dinner…Kakashi looking so intensely into your eyes as you brush your foot up his leg under the table…bed laden with red rose petals…a night of passion…the spark in Kakashi’s eyes as he sees everything you’ve arranged so lovingly for him… a sensual melody playing in the background as he strips you of your clothes, one by one….

You shake your head. Now is not the time to be getting carried away.

You return your attention to Gai, whose last few sentences you missed as your mind became preoccupied with thoughts of everything that you’d like the Hokage to do to you.

“—And leave it all to me!”

“Sorry, what was that, Gai?” you ask as you watch Anko out of the corner of your eye, looking as if she’s choking on air for some reason.  

“You heard me, y/n! I will set everything up, you don’t have to worry about a thing!” he sings, clasping your shoulders with his hands.

“Well thank you for the offer Gai but actually—”

“No! I won’t listen to a single word!” he shakes his finger at you, “you can leave it all to me! You go get on with your work! I will get the BEST caterer-

Caterer? What do we need a caterer fo-

“and hire the best singers in the village-

Wait what is he talking about, am I missing something-

And set up some great challenges for people to enjoy! I’m thinking 6000 push ups, a cake eating competition and of course the lucky winner gets a chance to compete with my one and only rival—

Hold up-

“And I will send out invitations to all his friends! All you have to do Y/n is bring him and yourself at my house on the evening of his birthday!”

WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE-

“Wait, GAI, I think there’s been a—"

“Please do not thank me, y/n! As Kakashi’s eternal rival, it is only my duty to make sure he has the best time of his life! I would be very happy to set everything up!”

“Um, no actually I—" you start, but you’re cut off quickly by the zealous man.

“Don’t worry! You can still take care of his birthday cake, I will leave that to your impeccable taste!”

“Right, sure but—"

“Well, off I go then! I have a party to plan!”

“Gai—” you make one last weak attempt but you’re so baffled by the pace of events that your feet stand glued. You stare dumfounded after Gai, watching him walk out of the room, skipping with every stride.

Beside you, Anko’s cheeks glisten with tears as she clutches her stomach with both hands, chortling in such a fit that almost makes her slip off her chair.

A sudden dizziness threatens to take over your senses. You stand frozen with your arms hanging limp by your sides, resisting the urge to fling yourself face first into a wall.

You throw another menacing glare at your friend, your gaze shifting between her and the door that Gai walked out of few seconds ago, before you plop down on the floor with a thud, sitting down with your legs crossed, gaping blankly at the tiled ground with your head between your hands.

What the hell just happened.

CHAPTER - 2 (1 day to go!)

You force your eyes open at the sound of your alarm. Your skin feels damp against the heavy quilted blanket, the light from the windows is too bright and a headache clasps a tight grip on your forehead.

You shake your legs to get the duvet down your body and turn on your stomach to turn that horrible beeping off. Your hand flounders around your nightstand, knocking a few things down before you find the damn clock and pound it against the wall a few times until it shuts up.

Turning on your back again, you rub your eyes and sweep away the several strands of hair sticking to your face.

14th September, reads the calendar hung on the opposite wall.

Great. Another Monday. And a day closer to Kakashi’s birthday.

You feel an instant panic rising to your throat at the thought. Kakashi’s Birthday. Goddamn.

Gai has gone into complete party planner mode, you saw him rushing manically through the village over twenty-five times since yesterday, trying his hardest to be subtle; so you suppose you’re having a party after all.

You let out a sigh, massaging your temples. God this headache is turning out to be a real bitch.

The thoughts start swirling in your head again.

Kakashi’s not really the party kinda guy, and definitely not the kind Gai’s planning. This is so not what you had in mind, but…Gai looked so eager and excited, talking about the party with such a shine in his eyes, you just couldn’t strip him off of that. Moreover, ever since his injury in the war, Gai has been prohibited from missions outside the village. To a man of his vigour, it’s as good as being put into coma. This is the one thing that seemed to make him truly happy in ages, so to take that away from him… no, you cannot do that.

But at the same time, you really want the day to be special for Kakashi. You want to make it memorable for him and show him how much you love him.

Ugh.

Your stomach grumbles as you hang your legs down your bedside, preparing to get out of bed. You were so immersed in work last night that you forgot to eat dinner. You’d fallen asleep at the desk itself but you woke up in the morning to find yourself tucked in your bed.

You shuffle your feet around, trying to find to your slippers but they’re nowhere to be found.

“Kakashi!” you yell out, your voice still groggy from sleep. “Are you wearing my fucking slippers again?”

There’s some distant noise of things clattering in the kitchen before Kakashi’s figure comes into view at the doorway, wearing nothing but a pair of joggers, holding a mug of coffee in each hand. He stands leaning on the doorframe as he takes a sip from his mug and the sight of him is one for sore eyes, enough to crumple that temper of yours into a puddle of lovestruck mush.  

“Good morning to you too” he smirks as he comes near you, placing the other cup of coffee on the nightstand and planting a kiss on your head before bending down to pick up the things that had dropped on the ground earlier.

He reaches under the bed and pulls a pair of slippers out, placing them near your feet before keeping the other things back in their place on the stand. Your lip balm, hairclips, a few pens, his book and some loose sheets.

You slide your feet into the slippers, your face contorting into an apologetic look as you watch him.

“I’m sorry” you say in a whisper, admiring the way the muscles on his arms flex as he picks the things up. “I’ve been a little stressed lately.”

“I know” he says, his tone concerned as he comes up and sits beside you on the bed. “Why don’t you take a day off?”

“Oh no, I can’t, there’s so much to do, I have so much paperwork and I need to go through these files to check for—”

“Y/n.” Kakashi cuts you off, taking your hand in his. “It’s okay. Take a day off. Call in sick. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Take the day off and stay in bed, I’ll have someone pick up something for you from that restaurant down the street for lunch.” He says, stroking the back of your hand with his thumb.

“But Kakashi—”

“Nope. The Hokage orders it.” he says as you lean forward and sigh into his chest.

“I wish I could Kakashi….”

He wraps his arms around you, rubbing your back. “I knew I couldn’t convince you but it was worth a try” he says into your hair as you close your eyes, snuggling closer to him. The feel of his strong arms around you almost lulls you to sleep, enveloping you with such warmth and comfort that makes you wish you could stay this way forever.

You feel yourself almost dozing off against his chest so you pull away, planting a quick peck on his bare skin before relieving yourself of his grip. “Alright Lord Sixth, time to go to work” you say, patting him on the thigh.

He chuckles, nodding and taking the last sip of his coffee before getting up from the bed. “I left some toasts for you, eat before you go”

He turns around to walk away but you’re quick to catch his wrist before he leaves. “Hey.” You say softly as he stops, turning around to smile at you with a twinkle in his eyes.

“I love you” you say, pulling him down to you with a tug and placing a kiss on his lips.

He reciprocates, before pulling back to look into your eyes. You feel yourself melting under his gaze as you can’t help but smile like a twelve- year old girl.

“I love you too but your breath stinks worse than a dead rat” he says flatly without taking his eyes off you.

You fling his wrist out of your grip immediately, pushing him aside to get up from the bed. “Kakashi, you fucking asshole!” you scream, throwing a few punches at his arm as he chuckles and blocks them.

“I was trying to have a moment, you jerk!” you say, throwing a last jab at his stomach, before walking away past him, towards the direction of the bathroom, his laughter still ringing behind you.

Stupid asshole, you smile to yourself, shaking your head as you lock the bathroom door and turn the shower on.

…………………………………………

You watch white cotton clouds sailing across the sky overhead as you make your way down your usual work route. You might have appreciated the view a little more if your mind wasn’t entirely jammed and you weren’t surviving of off only 3 hours of sleep, walking around like you just rose back from the dead.

You already know you’re going to be late to work today, but that simply cannot he helped. You have to make this detour. You have to at least give this a shot.

You turn a street corner, a one storeyed white building with a fenced gate slowly coming into view as you walk ahead. Standing outside the gate, you open the latch, walking along the pavement which leads to the main door of the house.

You knock softly on the door, waiting for a response from the other side. There’s some shuffling behind and then the door opens, revealing Gai in a robe with the belts hanging loose. You notice him wearing a bright coloured boxer with banana prints on it, and his hair looks dishevelled, like he just woke up.

“Good morning, Gai! Um… I’m sorry to drop by so early, but there’s something I need to discuss with you.”

“Y/n! Come on in! It’s no problem, my morning is only made better by your radiating face!” he pipes, stepping aside to usher you in.

Only this man can sound so chirpy even with someone barging into their house during the early hours of the day.

“I apologise for my state, I was…. Finishing some business.” he says, taking the belts of his robe and tightening it around his waist.

You stand awkwardly as he closes the door, wondering how on earth you’ll bring this up with him. You shift on your feet, waiting for him to return his attention to you.

“Would you like something? Perhaps some coffee or tea or juice?” he asks, leading you into his living room.

“Um, no thanks Gai.” You look down to the floor, trying to form the sentences in your mind before you speak. You decide blunt and honest is the way to go.

He stands waiting patiently, looking at you with concerned eyes.

God I’m just the worst person in the world.

“Listen Gai, you start, “… Uhm… about Kakashi’s birthday—”

“Don’t you worry about that Y/n! The plans are full and well in motion! I’m sorry I could not get the singers, it seems that they are all booked for the day but everything else is right on track!” he flashes a toothy grin at you, holding his hand out in a thumbs up.

“That’s great, Gai… But um… Well, the thing is…” you try your hardest to come up with words that’ll soften the blow the most “I kind of wanted to do something special for Kakashi… by myself but now with your party, which is a great idea by the way, it’s just… I’m not sure, uh… I just want to do something for him too.” You fumble, looking up at him from under your lashes to register his reaction.

He stays quiet for a while, looking like he’s deep in thought before looking at you. “I completely understand Y/n.”

“You do!?” you ask, stepping forward towards him. “Oh, thank you so much—”

“It seems to me that you and I both want just the best for my dear rival! And you want to make sure he has the best birthday, just like I do! Which of course means that we should—”

Oh wait no. Oh no no no

“—Have a challenge!"

Just. What. I. Feared…

“Gai…” you begin, sighing.  Your voice sounds so weak and tired, as if any moment now you’ll lose your ability to speak.

You take a few deep breaths, steadying yourself.

Okay. If this is how it’s gonna be, so be it.

It doesn’t matter what you have to do. You WILL make sure Kakashi has the best birthday and no-one can take that away from you.

If this was another time, you would have gotten Gai to somehow cancel the party. But under present circumstances, you just cannot do that. That would be selfish and horrible. So right now, you simply have to play along and do your best to make the day special for Kakashi, even amidst all of this.

But you sure heck will make sure that YOU’RE the one that makes him happiest.

“Fine.” You say, meeting Gai’s gaze, your voice masking the absolute mayhem in your mind. “Challenge accepted. We’ll both try our hardest to make this the best birthday for Kakashi, and see who succeeds.”

Gai flashes a blinding grin at your words. “Grrr-reat!” he exclaims. “I would expect no less from my rival’s lover!” he says, holding another ‘thumbs-up’ out as you smile weakly, raising your hand up to do the same.

………………………………………………..

You take a large bite of your sandwich, looking out at the vast green training grounds from the window beside your desk.

A sandwich is the only moderately nutritious but not disgusting in taste food that you can manage to eat in your 20-minute lunch break, so that’s what you usually stick to. Thankfully for you, you were able to be done with most of your work in the morning, giving you some time to think clearly right now.

You already know you’re not going to get Kakashi alone at night because of the party, which leaves… the morning. But of course, you both have to go to work in the morning which means the only time you’ll see each other is directly before the party since you’re the one supposed to be bringing him. And since he is the Hokage and doesn’t get back from his office until 9 pm, the party is set to start late. By the time you get home it’ll probably be 1 and sure, you can probably have some time with him then but…you will both be exhausted and more importantly, it won’t be his birthday anymore.  

“UGHHHHH” you scream to yourself, tearing off a big chunk of your sandwich with your teeth and proceeding to chew noisily, putting all your frustration into the food churning in your mouth.

“Uhm… is this a good time?” you turn your head at the sudden voice, looking around to see Kurenai.

You hasten immediately to wipe the crumbs off your face as you gesture at her to sit and stuff the rest of the sandwich in your mouth, chugging it down quickly with some water.

“Yes, absolutely oh my god. It’s been a while since I saw you! How are you, how’s Mirai?” you ask, dabbing your mouth with your handkerchief.

“Ah you know, I mostly work from home these days. I was in the area today so I thought I’d drop by and pay everyone a visit”, the brown-haired woman replies, smiling.

“Good thinking” you say, returning her smile. “I’m glad you did, we have so much to catch up on.”

“God yes we do. Oh, and Mirai is great! They grow up so fast.” She says, her eyes filling with the kind of love you can only see reflected in a mother’s eyes. “But enough about me” she says, waving her hand. “I didn’t come down her to bore you with stories about diapers and potty training. Tell me what’s going on with you” she says, leaning forward on the table and resting her chin on her hand.

You let out a sigh, shaking your head before looking out of the window into the distance. “Ugh Kurenai, I don’t even know what to tell you.”

“I got the invite by the way! For Kakashi’s party. I was kind of surprised, didn’t take him for a party guy.” Kurenai says, her brows furrowing.

You look back at her with hollow eyes. “He isn’t. It’s a long story.”, you reply, your tone sounding just as miserable as you feel.

“Well, talk to me Y/n. Is something wrong? You look a little…bummed.”

You let out a chuckle. “Yeah, bummed is right.”

But it feels really good to talk to someone, someone sensible and actually capable of giving advice so you decide to tell her everything, narrating everything from how you’ve been up to your nose with work to how you got roped into having a challenge with Gai, to your dilemma about what to do for Kakashi. Kurenai stays quiet the entire time, listening attentively to every word, nodding and giving empathetic glances from time to time.

“So yeah…. That’s pretty much it.” you finish, sighing again.

Kurenai flashes you a kind smile before she speaks.

“Okay, so… if you aren’t getting any time with him throughout the whole day, how about you meet him for lunch during your break?” she suggests.

Lunch… yeah you hadn’t considered that. Sure, it was only around 20 minutes, but still better than nothing right?

You look at your friend, your eyes perking up as a smile spreads through your face. “Yeah, you know what…that’s a good idea!”

Kurenai returns a happy grin, glad to have been of use. “I know exactly what you should do. Pack a nice picnic basket, take a mat with you, find a good shady tree in the grounds and have a little picnic down by the lake. It’s sweet, romantic and perfect! There’s no way he wouldn’t love it. It beats a party and the weather is absolutely perfect too!”

Your eyes widen at her words. Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?

You almost jump across the table, pulling your friend into a bone crunching hug. “Oh my god Kurenai, thank you! You’re a real life saver! That sounds absolutely perfect!” you exclaim, before letting go of her.

She laughs a hearty laugh, before skidding her chair across the floor and proceeding to get up. “I’m glad to be of help Y/n, but I should get going now. Your break is almost over and I have some errands to run. It was great catching up though, I missed being around you” she says, smiling as she turns to make her way towards the door.

“Drop by more often!” you holler at her, before turning your head to look out the window at the beautiful clear sky outside.

A picnic, yep. That’s perfect. Everything is working out.

…………………………………………………

You open the drawer under your desk, shoving some loose sheets and files into it before jamming it close.

The clock reads 6 p.m. and you’re finally, finally done for the day. You worked an extra hour to make sure you have less pressure tomorrow and now with your load a little light and a tiny ray of hope about how you can make Kakashi’s birthday a good one shining through, you’re starting to feel slightly better.

Of course, there’s still loads to do. You still have to order the birthday cake, buy some things for the picnic, and pick up his gift which you’d pre ordered a month ago.

You ferret around on your desk to find the notepad you carry with you at all times. That’s where you make all your to-do lists, so that you never miss anything out.

You open the little notebook, flipping through the pages to locate the one where you’d started making a list of things to do for Kakashi’s birthday about a week ago.

You’re flipping when suddenly your eyes fall upon a different entry on the notebook, written in a handwriting that’s not yours.

You bring the notebook closer to get a better look and identify Kakashi’s handwriting at once. Written in black ink on the top of a page is

To do:

1)Kakashi

You let out a loud chuckle, your laughter ringing all the way out into the hallway.

This guy, you laugh to yourself, shaking your head. When did he even write that?

Turning a few more pages, you finally find the one you’re looking for. You glance at the sentence written in your messy handwriting.

Read Icha Icha Paradise, Page 162, para 5.

Ah yes, you’d almost forgotten about this. You’d written this down when the idea had occurred to you of re-enacting his favourite passage from that book to surprise him, one that he’d insinuated at, not so subtly, several times. You wanted to do it for a special occasion, and of course this would be just the perfect time. You make a mental note to give that paragraph a read once you return home.

So, re-enacting Icha Icha, a picnic, and his gift. That’s all you’ve got so far. Not bad but still not quite satisfactorily top notch yet. Still nothing that beats all of Gai’s efforts with a 100% guarantee. Something is still missing…

You stare out of the window, racking your brain for something, anything.

Outside, the Sun drapes the sky in its own colours. It looks so beautiful, you can barely take your eyes off for a while.

You watch the sky in awe, lost deep in thought when suddenly it occurs to you— Yes!

Yes, absolutely!

You. Are. Going. To. Write. Him. A. Poem!

What says you love him with all your heart better than a sweet, heartfelt poem written with your own very hands? It’s sweet and personal and just the kind of touch necessary to make you win. There’s no way anything can top that.

The sudden strike of inspiration sends you into a frenzy as you quickly pull a pen out from your pen stand, opening your notebook to a random page before starting to write.

Only… You have never written a poem before, don’t know how to, never tried one.

You uncap your pen, tapping on the page with the nip of your pen as you think hard, leaving blue dots all over the white sheet.

Ugh.

Kakashi your eyes, you jot down carefully, taking a minute to look out of the window before turning to your notebook again.

They’re as beautiful as the skies.

You lean back to admire the sentence you just wrote, a grin spreading across your lips. Great start.

You hunch over the notebook eagerly, scribbling the next few sentences in a haste.

Kakashi your face, it makes my heart race

Kakashi your hair, it’s so smooth it’s unfair

The grin on your face grows wider. God are you totally killing this or what? This is great, but still needs just a few more sentences.

You close your eyes, tapping the pen against your chin as you try to recall everything you love about him. The grin on your face turns to a curled smirk as you scribble the next sentences.

Kakashi your dick, it’s so big it’s sick.

Kakashi your lips, I love it when they touch my nips.

You feel a warm rush through your veins as you look at the words on the page.

Alright, now for the conclusion…

They call you copy ninja, you make my mind unhinged-ah

Baby you can bet, you make me so wet

You are my king, you make my heart sing

You lay your pen down, holding the sheet up to your eyes to read your final work.

And suddenly, the grin leaves your face. What the hell were you thinking? This is terrible.

You’re no poet, why did you ever think you could pull this off?

You tear the page off, shredding it into even smaller pieces before crumpling them together and shoving them into your pocket.

So much for poetry.

You check the time on the clock, it’s almost 7 p.m. and you have to be at the bakery by 8.

You clear your desk, moving some stuff around and throwing the rest of the junk into the trash can before gathering your things and setting off to leave. You pass by the Hokage Office on your way out and find the door closed, with two of Kakashi’s Anbu standing guard outside. They bow at you as you pass by and you understand that he must be in a meeting.

The cool evening air outside hits you like rain following a drought. After being shackled to your desk the entire day, the wind on your skin feels tranquilizing.

You walk along the street, snippets of people’s conversations flowing into your ears as you walk on, your mind boiling over with thoughts of its own.

You begin to realise how completely exhausted you are and that you can’t wait to simply go to bed. All your attempts so far have been completely useless and you most probably will be able to do nothing to make your boyfriend happy. The thought threatens to send you panicking, so you try your best to shove it away for now.

You take your last few strides towards the Bakery, which is decorated with twinkling lights on the outside. You pull on the glass door, stepping into the small store with cakes of all flavours and shapes displayed on the glass counter.

Your eyes dance across the displayed items as you reach into your pocket. You had already decided what you want and had written it down on a paper earlier today.

You scout around in your pocket, before pulling a piece of paper out and holding it out the young girl on the other side of the counter.

“Hi! I’d like to place an order for a birthday cake for tomorrow. The details are written on the paper.” You smile as she takes the paper from you.

She writes something down on a register and looks around to check both her sides before leaning closer to you, almost speaking in a whisper. “Thank you for your order ma’am, you can pick this up by 4 p.m. tomorrow. We have 3 sizes available for the cake, which one will it be?”

“The very biggest one, of course!” you sing. “The cake reflects the man, so it’s only fitting to have the largest one you have!”

She scribbles some more into the diary before looking up again. “And would you like me to add some special details?”, she asks.

“Yeah, why not? Make it your best!” you say as the girl scribbles on the notebook for a last time before handing you a receipt. You make the payment, shoving the receipt into your pocket before heading off for your next and last stop for the day, the market.

………………………………………

The Konoha Market sells everything from spices to shurikens. You stroll along the cobbled path lined with numerous small shops, each adorned with twinkling lights and a colourful assortment of all sorts of items. Your surroundings buzz with the vibrancy of people scuffling around, chattering and laughing.

You always found something so charming about the village market at night. Something about the way the little shops almost sparkle against the dark sky, or the way it always hums with such an energy, makes your heart feel happy for some reason. You take a deep breath in, various fragrances from nearby shops wafting into your nose at the same time.

You’re on your way towards one of the fruit stalls when suddenly your eye falls upon the unmistakable green figure in the distance. Gai.

He appears to be speaking very animatedly to the shop owner about something and you watch from a distance in amusement, before the man suddenly turns his head in your direction, catching sight of you.

He waves at you as you make your way towards him. You give him a nod instead of waving back, keeping up with your newly established rivalry.

Upon reaching nearer, you find yourself face to face with a variety of fluffy boa scarves of all colours, ranging from blue to red to yellow to green.

You look in confusion at Gai, who seems to have a dark green one draped around his neck.

“Um… will this have something to do with Kakashi’s birthday tomorrow…?” you ask, your glance shifting between him and the scarves, not knowing if you really want to know the answer.

“It sure does!” he replies, before turning to the shopkeeper. “I’ll take them all!” he says, as the old man proceeds to pack about 20 boa scarves into a bag.

A thousand different questions run through your mind, but if you were to put any more burden on your brain, it would iron out so you decide to simply pretend like you never saw any of this.

“Hope things are well at your end too, y/n!” he says, “I’d hate for you to lose to me, my rival’s lover!”

You take a gulp, avoiding looking at his eyes. Your head feels like it’s being crushed under a thousand heavy rocks as you feel the headache making its way back. You realise your arms can barely hold the weight of the bags you’re carrying, each filled with items necessary for tomorrow.

You look up at him, even the slightest movement of your neck suddenly so troublesome.

He looks back at you expectantly, the twinkling smile still adamant on his face. His teeth shine so bright, you can almost see your reflection in them.

You take a deep breath.

“Of course. Things are perfect, Gai.” you say, flashing him the very biggest and brightest smile that the twenty muscles in your face can possibly manage.

CHAPTER - 3 ( The Big Day)

The feel of two strong arms, one hooking under your legs and the other around your back, lifting you off the chair you’d fallen asleep on rouses you from your doze.

That must have been the fifth day that week that you fell asleep on your desk. You had been reading the para from Icha Icha which you want to re-enact for Kakashi’s birthday, and then all of a sudden you found yourself immersed in the book, devouring every single line, eager to know more about the story and what happens to the characters. So, you’d kept going but before you realised, you’d fallen asleep with your head over the book on the desk itself, with a string of white drool trickling down the corner of your mouth.

You blink in the dark as the arms carry you, melting into their familiar touch, your eyelids so heavy with sleep that you barely manage to keep them open enough to see what’s going on. The arms lay you down on the bed gently, pulling a cover over your body as you shift around in slumber, making yourself comfortable.

You watch a figure go round to the other side of the bed, before slipping in next to you slowly, careful not to wake you up by making too much noise or movement. 

“Kakashi…” you whisper, your voice hoarse and barely audible. “Happy Birthday…sorry I couldn’t…stay aw…” you trail off, falling into a deep drowse before you can finish your sentence.

Kakashi smiles to himself in the dark, his heart filling with such an ache at the sight of your sleepy, drooling face. He drapes an arm over your waist, pulling you close to his chest, his hand stroking your hair at the back of your head as he places a soft kiss on your forehead.

This, this feeling… this is all he would ever want. Just you safe against his chest, the two of you falling asleep together in each other’s arms every night.

“Thank you”, he whispers against your hair, the familiar smell of your shampoo so welcoming to him, soothing his soul after a long day, washing over his mind and carrying his worries away, even if it’s only for the night.

You snuggle closer to him in your sleep as he tightens his arms around you, the feel of your body next to his filling every cell in his body with such warmth, that he gives himself in to the pure bliss of the moment, his eyes closing as he dozes off as well.

Yes, it is indeed a ‘Happy’ Birthday.

………………………………………

 You jerk open every single cabinet in your kitchen with maniacal speed, looking for the damn frying pan.

Where the fuckity fuck did this guy keep the pan?

Between the two of you, Kakashi is the one who mostly uses the kitchen so he’s the one who has everything arranged according to his convenience.

You’re running on borrowed time, Kakashi should be up any minute now and you have to finish making breakfast before he does so you can surprise him with a nice breakfast tray in bed. You don’t usually wake up before him, he’s the early riser in your relationship but you figured you could reverse the roles for one day and kick start his day with a delicious meal, which would probably give you some winning points. And, of course… something else too. Something that will DEFINITELY give you some winning points.

You find the pan lying right in front of your eyes on one of the shelves and you turn the stove on, placing the pan over it before cracking open two eggs and sprinkling some cheese on them, berating yourself the entire time for being so blind.

On another burner of the stove, four perfect pancakes sit glistening, glazed with some maple syrup you picked up from the market yesterday. You reach for two cups on the counter and fill them with freshly brewed coffee as you hunt for a tray next.

You take a small glass vase and put two red roses in it, which you also bought yesterday, before placing it on a corner of the tray. Finding a notebook lying around, you rip a page off and scribble a note on it, a stupid grin spreading across your face as you write.

Happy Birthday, Kashi. You’ll always be the Hokage of my heart.  

Icha Icha Tactics Pg 150, line 2. <3

Icha Icha Paradise, Page 162, line 4. ; )

By the time you’re done, so are the eggs and you gather all the things on the tray, setting the note right beside the vase. You smile to yourself, looking at your creation. Not bad.

Take that, Gai.

You peek through the door of your bedroom to see Kakashi beginning to stir, and make a quick dash towards the bathroom.

You stand in front of the mirror, checking yourself out in the blue satin two-piece you changed into in the morning, just so you can wake him up with a real jolt.

You pull on the hem of your spaghetti top, revealing more of your cleavage and pull up the waist of your shorts, before turning around to admire the way it accentuates your curves. You fluff your hair up with your hands and take your favourite lipstick from the shelf, before puckering your lips up and dabbing a bit of it on.

You step back, admiring yourself in the mirror.

Forget a snack, I look like a full meal, baby. Take THIS too, Gai.

Hearing some sounds come from the direction of the bedroom, you rush back to the kitchen. You light a candle and place it on the tray before picking it up and making your way to the bedroom.

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthdayyy- ayyyyy Kakashi-ii, Happy Birthday to you!” you sing, swaying your hips to the tune and doing a little dance as you enter through the doorway. You find him sitting upright on the bed, still under covers, his sleepy eyes widening in surprise as he catches sight of you.

He looks you up and down, taking your view in in thunderous astonishment as you place the tray on the bed and step forward to pull his face into a hug against your chest. “Happy Birthdayyyyyy baby” you mumble, smooching him all over and leaving red lipstick prints all over his face.

His hair looks dishevelled and his eyes are still sleep laden as you pull back and watch him look at the tray and then at you, and then back at the tray again.

“This… this is for me?” he asks shakily, looking up at you as you stand beside him.

“Well, duh! Who else would it be for?” you reply in a cheery tone.

He picks up the note from the tray and chuckles as he reads, his shoulders heaving with every snort of laughter.

 “Y/n, I…” he fumbles, “This is… I’m…you didn’t have to...” he trails off, looking up at you with eyes that send a pang to your heart.

“Of course I did. You deserve it.” you say, smiling as you sit on the other side of the bed, facing him.

A wide grin spreads through his face, lighting the entire room up and instantly aging him down by about eight years, not that he looks a day beyond 30 right now.

“And…“, he says with a twinkle in his eyes as he gestures towards your outfit, “Is that for me too?”

“For you to rip off, yes” you say in a husky voice, smouldering at him before breaking into a giggle immediately. “Well okay now, dig in, come on! I woke up at 4 am for this!” you say, pushing the tray towards him.

He straightens up, the grin sparkling in his face as he looks at the food in front of him. “Y/n, this looks amazing!” he says, picking up a fork and a spoon before taking a bite of the pancake.

You watch in anticipation as he chews the food and lets out a “Mmmmm. This is really good!”, before digging in for more.

You watch him happily, forgetting everything about the challenge for a while and just admiring how happy Kakashi looks, your heart filling up with such joy and gratefulness to have him, and to be able to share such moments with him.

“Where’s your food?” he asks, looking up at you between bites.

“Ah I’ll eat in a while. This is for you” you say, flashing him a smile.

He stops, holding the cutlery in his hands before fixing you with a deadpanned stare. “Absolutely not. I know what that means. Come here, have a bite, there’s enough for the both of us” he says, holding out a spoonful of cheese scrambled eggs at you.

You roll your eyes at him, but comply, leaning closer and letting him feed you.

The eggs melt in your mouth, the cheese tickling your taste buds. You allow yourself a moment to feel happy with yourself.

You did a great job, no doubt.

 The two of you eat in bed, laughing and talking until all the plates are scraped clean.

“That was the best meal I’ve ever had” Kakashi states, shaking his head as he takes his last bite, before putting the tray away to the side.

“Really?” you ask, smiling as you sit up your knees on the bed, watching him wipe his hands, before crumpling the tissue and throwing it into the bin.

You smirk as you crawl closer to him, slowly quenching the distance between you. He returns the smirk, a playful look dancing across his eyes as you put your legs astride his thighs, placing yourself on his lap.

You fix him with a stare, your eyes boring into his as you lean in closer, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Well…you haven’t had your dessert yet” you whisper, your lips grazing his ear before you give it a light lick, one hand holding the back of his neck as the other trails slowly down his chest, drawing a straight line along his stomach till you reach the waistband of his pants and give it a small tug.

You hear a light ‘clap!’ as the elastic hits his skin and his breath hitches.

You slide down slightly on his leg, making sure to rub yourself against him as you do and pull on the waistband of his pants again, before reaching inside and stroking over his length with nimble fingers. Your mouth trails along his chest in red sloppy kisses… moving down his body…almost about to make contact with what you can feel growing harder and harder in your hand with every touch, when a sudden loud banging noise makes you and Kakashi both jerk up.

Not the kind of jerking you’d hoped to be doing.

The banging grows louder as you look at each other in confusion for a few seconds, before you get off Kakashi’s lap and he pulls his trousers back up, hurrying out of bed and rushing to the main door to see who’s banging so loudly this early in the morning.

You sit on the bed, pulling the fallen straps of your top up and wiping the smeared lipstick off the sides of your mouth as a feeling of dejection starts to grow heavy in your stomach.

The main door can be seen from where you’re sitting and you watch as Kakashi opens the door, a booming voice echoing through the house even before the door is fully ajar.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR RIVAL!”, Gai’s unmistakable voice hits your ears as you watch Kakashi being pulled into a hug before he even has time to react.

Gai shoves Kakashi away just as quickly as he had pulled him in, before thrusting a huge bouquet of flowers, ornated with daffodils, lilies, orchids and flowers of all sorts of other exotic kinds into his hand, making Kakashi stumble with the force.

Even from the distance you can make out the look of pure confusion and surprise in Kakashi’s face as he says “Gai...?”

You can hear both men’s voice as they exchange more words in your living room, but the voices start to fade and the words become incoherent to you as you feel your mind spiralling into a horrible, sinking feeling.

You look away from the door and plop onto the mattress on your back, starting up at the ceiling as you feel the load of your heart weighing you down.

A beeping sound goes off, and you turn your head to the side, catching sight of the alarm clock which indicates that it’s time to get ready for work.

 You’d set it last night so that you and Kakashi didn’t get carried away while you made him feel like the happiest man alive.

Well… so much for that.

Beside the clock, the two red roses you got Kakashi sit still in the glass vase, their wilting bodies watching you, as if in mockery. After all, what’s two measly roses in front of a massive bouquet of exotic flowers?

 ………………………………………………………..

 You look out of the window, up at the sky for the third time since morning.

The skies are still clear, thank goodness. The weather truly is absolutely perfect for a picnic.

You take the fully packed picnic basket out of the cupboard in your office, checking the items once again. Some sandwiches, fresh fruits, yogurt, a bottle of wine, two glasses and a mat.

The morning did not go exactly as you had hoped it would, true, but that’s okay. You still have the picnic and nothing will get in the way of that. You’re still hopeful and you refuse to give up. No, you absolutely will not give up. You had resolved to try your best to make this the best birthday for Kakashi, and you will do everything in your power to make that happen.

Sure, things haven’t entirely been going your way. But that’s fine, you still have the picnic.

You tell yourself this over and over again as you make your way towards the Hokage’s Office, this little internal monologue of yours standing as the only thing that keeps you from crumpling down completely.

The door to the office stands ajar and you notice Kakashi hunched over his desk, putting stamps on a bunch of papers as you enter.

He looks up at the sound of your footsteps, immediate surprising flashing across his features. “Y/n! I didn’t know you were coming” he says, his face lighting up at the sight of you. “What’s that?” he asks, glancing at the basket in your hand.

You smile and make your way towards him, sensing a warm rush flow to your cheeks.

Despite the years that you’ve been together for now, your heart still melts at the sight of him every single time. And there’s something about seeing him in the Hokage’s chair, looking so powerful and authoritative that really gets something going in you.

“What’s your schedule like right now?” you ask once you reach his table, even though you had already asked his Anbu guards to make sure he was clear during lunch time.

He looks at the papers on his desk before glancing up at you. “Pretty free, I’d say.”

“Great”, you grin, holding a hand out at him. “Come with me.”

“Come with you where?” he asks, looking cluelessly at you as he arranges some of the papers into an organised pile.

“Stop asking so many questions, Lord Sixth” you laugh, tugging his hand and pulling him up from the chair.

  Outside the Hokage Tower, you link your arm with Kakashi’s as the two of you walk along the path leading to the river. The village looks idyllic, people going about their own business, friendly chatter and chirping of birds ringing in the background. A pleasant breeze hits you and you close your eyes, inhaling the sweet fragrance of flowers it brings along with it. Kakashi smiles down at you and despite the fatigue in his eyes that’s always been a constant ever since he took up the position of Hokage, you see that he looks quite content.

You choose the biggest tree near the river, the one with lots of branches, casting a comfortable shade over the soft green grass. The shadows of the leaves dance across on the ground, swaying and flickering.  

You open the lid of the basket, taking the small rolled mat out and proceeding to unroll it.

Kakashi stands in the distance, gazing at the flowing river. This always was his favourite place to come to whenever he needed a break.

He turns towards you, smiling, before crouching down and helping you lay the mat. “You know you really didn’t have to go into all this trouble for me” he says, his eyes filling up with the same familiar look that he always gives you, every time you do something for him. There’s always a sadness in it that breaks your heart.

“Would you shut up already?” you say, unpacking the rest of the contents in the basket.

He laughs, raising his hands up in defence. “You’re spoiling me rotten. When did you buy all of this anyway?” he asks, watching as you take each item out and place it on the mat.

You shrug in reply, before handing him a sandwich which he takes eagerly, biting in immediately.

“Good?” you ask, “I got it from that shop you really like” you say, biting into one yourself.

“Really good”, he replies, finishing up the entire sandwich in about two bites and reaching for another. “I didn’t realise how hungry I was.”

You get the wine bottle next, taking two glasses out and pouring some into them. The liquid catches the sunlight, shimmering like jewel inside the crystal glass.

Beyond you, the river cascades gracefully down its winding path as you watch in awe, a peaceful silence enclosing its wings around you.

Kakashi smiles at you as you hand him a glass, clinking his glass against yours as his eyes linger on you and you feel your cheeks burning under his gaze.

Even after all this while, he has that effect on you. “What?” you mutter, gazing at him over the rim of your glass as you take a sip.

He shrugs, not taking his eyes off you. “Thank you” he smiles, and you know it’s not just for the wine. Or even the picnic.

You return his smile, leaning in for a kiss when suddenly a voice interrupts you.

“Kakashi Sensei!” you turn your heads around to watch two figures coming down towards you, one with bright blonde hair and the other with bubblegum pink.

The figures get closer and you wave at Naruto and Sakura, the latter holding a small bouquet in her hands.

“Happy Birthday, Kakashi sensei! I guess you really are an old man now, huh? Good thing your hair was white to begin with!” Naruto rambles with his hands behind his head as the young kunoichi  glares at him.

“It’s rude to remind a man of his age on his birthday, Naruto”, she rebukes, turning to her sensei to hand him the flowers. “Here, Happy Birthday Kakashi sensei!” she smiles, her eyes crinkling as she does.

Kakashi looks as taken aback as ever. “Thank you, Naruto, and Sakura! This is a pleasant surprise! It’s been a while since I saw you two” he says, placing the bouquet carefully beside him.

“Don’t be standing there you two, come join us!” you say, waving them over and gesturing at them to sit.

“Oh no, we don’t want to interrupt” Sakura says as Naruto crouches down with a “speak for yourself” directed at her, before reaching into the basket for a sandwich and letting out a contented moan with his eyes closed at the very first bite.

You laugh, handing him another of the two remaining sandwiches which he takes happily, putting it in his pocket. “Thank you, y/n sensei, you’re the best!”

You are about to offer Sakura the last one, when suddenly a loud, screeching noise infiltrates the grounds.

Kakashi stands up immediately, walking a few steps over to see what is causing the noise as you dust the crumbs of your dress and stand up, following after him.

You watch his eyes turn the size of saucers as you step in closer, turning your head at the direction of his gaze when you see it.

WHAT. THE. HELL.

Right there on the middle of main street stands Gai, holding a huge megaphone in his hand. Behind him stands a quartet, each holding an instrument of their own.

“Is that Gai sensei?” Naruto chimes, coming in and standing behind you with the second sandwich stuffed in his mouth.

“What…what is he doing?” Sakura says, going ahead to get a closer look.

All four of you stare frozen as another screeching noise fills the area, making you block your ears with your hands.

“HELLO, MIC CHECK— GOOD MORNING ALL MY DEAR FELLOW FRIENDS!”, you hear Gai screaming into the megaphone, the sound resonating across the next few miles.

“I AM FILLED WITH JOY TO TELL YOU ALL THAT IT IS OUR BELOVED LORD SIXTH’S BIRTHDAY TODAY AND IT IS ONLY OUR DUTY AS HIS COMRADES IN ARMS TO MAKE THIS THE ABSOLUTE BEST BIRTHDAY HE HAS EVER HAD!” He takes a few strides towards your direction, the quartet of musicians following after him.

You watch as several people in the vicinity stop to stare at this sudden spectacle.  

You look at Kakashi out of the corner of your eyes, standing with his body paralyzed as he gapes at the scene unfolding in front of him.

“GENTLEMEN, IF YOU WILL PLEASE”, Gai yells, turning around at the group of men behind him and giving them a nod.

They get their instruments in position and soon a tune breaks out so loud that it almost makes the ground vibrate.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR RIVAL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU” Gai begins singing off key as several people, shinobi and civilians alike join him. People poke their heads out of their windows in the distance, some coming down, all eager to wish the leader of their village on this auspicious day.

“Gai, what the hell are you—” Kakashi begins, but his voice fades beneath the roaring noise.

Soon a crowd begins to gather, as Gai keeps singing in tune to the quartet, nearing closer and closer to where you’re standing, the rapidly growing crowd following after him.

“This is so cool!” Naruto says, going forward to mix in with the crowd as Sakura follows behind with a “Naruto, wait—“, leaving you to stand alone.

The ground begins to echo with cheers and claps and wishes as everyone comes around Kakashi, surrounding him and you feel yourself being shoved and pushed as group of men gather in front of you, chanting “Lord Sixth!” and singing other praises in his name.

Kakashi stands in the middle of it all, his face reddened in embarrassment as he manages his very best to maintain composure, thanking everyone again and again with the occasional protests which are quickly cut off by the overzealous crowd.

You stand in the distance, watching the crowd devour his figure as you slowly lose sight of him completely.

You take a few steps backwards to get away from the stomping, screaming and shoving and come near to where you were sitting peacefully, just a few minutes ago.

You look down at the ground, Kakashi’s untouched glass of wine and the unopened boxes of yogurt lying near your feet, a few inches away.

You look up at the crowd in the distance again, their deafening bellows hurting you ears as you plop down on the ground in defeat, unable to keep holding any longer.

You reach for your glass, chugging the entirety of its contents down in one swig before grabbing the stem of Kakashi’s glass and doing the same.

Leaving the empty glasses lying on the grass, you reach for the bottle, opening the cap and tossing it somewhere into the distance.  You feel your eyes well up, in spite of your every effort to hold the surge of waterworks back. Fat, hot tears start rolling down your cheeks as you chug the liquid down straight from its container, trickles glistening down the corners of your mouth, your throat beginning to burn with every swift successive gulp.

 ………………………………………

 The Konoha bookstore lies in a quieter part of the village, away from the usual chitter chatter.  It was made so with the idea that a bookstore should be situated in a place where there’s peace and quiet, a sanctuary for people to seek refuge in when they need to get away from all the commotion.

Unlike most of the newer and fancier shops in the village, the quaint little bookstore carries an old school charm, with its wooden floors, low ceilings and cosy reading lights. The latest spruce to the store, however was the addition of a DVD collection, making it a book and DVD store at present.

Throughout the years, this little bookstore has seen many unions between you and Kakashi, from romantic dates to squabbles over novels and authors. It has also always been very close to your heart, your safe place, the place that provides you comfort even on incurably bad days.

And right now, you’re on your way over to this very bookstore, walking as fast as your legs would carry you. Kakashi’s gift, which you’d pre ordered about a month ago should be here by now. Had you not gotten entangled in a million other things, you would have picked it up earlier.

You can read the little sign, written on a wooden board in the distance as you inch nearer, almost tripping on a rock as you push your poor legs to their very limit. Your body feels made up of nuts and screws more than flesh and blood by this point, ignoring every signal from your brain to work on its own.

Images of the afternoon threaten to break into your mind as you shut them away with all your might, not wanting to recall that horrible meltdown smack in the middle of the grounds.

Thankfully the crowds were too busy with Kakashi in the middle and Gai right by his side, leading the entire village into singing like they were all in some sort of a choir, to notice the Hokage’s girlfriend having the silliest meltdown of her life in the corner.

Moreover, you had made sure to slip away before the mob had thinned out, your last recollection being the tiniest glimpse you caught of Kakashi as you went by, looking as if he wanted the Earth to swallow him whole, as Gai beamed by his side with an arm around his shoulder.

You shake your head, trying to rid your mind of these flashes. You can’t break down again, no. You’re too far into this to give up now. No matter what happens, you have to stick to your resolve. Your hope may be dwindling, but it’s still not out yet.

You reach for the little glass door of the bookstore, pushing as you enter. The musty familiar smell of old books hits you immediately, almost making you feel as if everything is going to be okay.

You glance at the numerous books stacked in wooden shelves, categorised by genre. Some look new, and some display the ravages of time on them.

The shop owner, Mrs. Kimura catches sight of you, beaming as you draw nearer.

Because of how frequently you visit this store, you and old Mrs. Kimura have developed quite a bond. She also happens to be a war veteran, and you’ve spent many evenings listening to tales of her time from back in the days, tales that never fail to astonish you.

“Y/n! Hello! It’s been a while since I saw you!” she greets as you smile at her, even the smallest act of smiling so exhausting to you.

“Hello, Mrs. Kimura. Forgive me for not dropping by more often, I have been a bit busy lately” you say, flashing her an apologetic look.

“Ah, that’s okay dear. Well, what are you here for today?” she asks, the wrinkles by her eyes crinkling further as she smiles.

You fish around for a receipt in your pocket and take it out, handing it to her. “I had pre-ordered a special edition book containing unreleased manuscripts of the Icha Icha series about a month ago?” you say as she brings the paper closer to her eyes to get a better look. “It must be here by now, I’m here to collect it.” you say, unconsciously bouncing your legs as you wait.  

She keeps the paper away, before looking up at you with a sympathetic look in her eyes, her face looking as if she’s about to break the news of someone’s death to you.

No. Please No.

She notices the immediate flash of horror across your eyes, reaching out her wrinkled hand to touch yours over the counter before speaking softly, as if speaking to a child. “I’m so sorry dear… I know you must have wanted it for Kakashi…Unfortunately, we had some trouble with shipping and it’s still not here yet.”

Your heart pounds in your chest as you hear her words.

No.

Is this for real?

Your hands start shaking beneath hers as you look at her, the tear ducts behind your eyes threatening you once again.

God is this really happening?

You pull your hand away, turning around to face away from her and taking deep breaths to try and calm yourself down. 

This is a disaster. This is a total disaster.

This was your very last hope and now that’s gone too. If you were anywhere other than here right now, you’re sure you would’ve smashed something.

You put your face in your hands, not wanting Mrs. Kimura to see you in this state.

The old lady steps out from behind the counter, coming around to stand by your side and rubbing your back in consolation. “I’ll tell you what dear, let me give you a little something to make up for this mishap.” She says, her voice soothing.

But nothing can make this better. You had managed to maintain your cool every other time because you knew that if nothing else worked out, you at least had this. It was the one thing that kept you from crumbling and now…

You feel a horrible feeling growing into a lump in your belly as you straighten up, fighting back the dam behind your eyes with every cell in your body. You take three deep breaths, before turning to face the old lady.

“It’s fine, Mrs. Kimura. I have somewhere else to be.” you say, trying your hardest to form your face into a smile as she watches you, her white brows furrowing.

You hear her mumble something behind you but you’re already out of the door, onto the street again.

Once outside, you stand out in the lonely lane for a minute, letting out a deep sigh and looking up at the sky, the bright blue suddenly looking so grave.

You walk in the other direction from the one you’re supposed to be going in next, down the lane into an alleyway, rounding into a secluded corner where one of the village junkyards is situated.

A rotten smell of trash fills your nostrils as you see multiple trash cans littered around the area in the dingy dark corner.

You walk in amidst it all, the scattered trash resonating perfectly with how you feel inside. You let your back rest against the mouldy wall, closing your eyes to let the anger wash over you.

You feel it come surging through your veins like a charging bull as you feel your hands forming into fists and your body working against your instincts to raise your foot and hurl a kick towards one of the huge trash cans with a loud, ringing thud.

You’re taken aback by your own outburst as you watch the big metal can wobble on impact and before you realise, you find yourself coming forward, throwing kicks left and right on the can, on the walls, sometimes missing your aim but pressing on again and again and again, persevering through the shooting pain in your toes.

You are right in the middle of your maniacal fit, possibly your ninth kick, when you suddenly feel your balance stumbling, having stepped on something gross and slippery. You tumble as you feel yourself falling backwards, before crashing straight into all kinds of sticky, smelly debris and landing flat on your behind with a ‘thump!’.

You sit heaving in the middle of it all, several used wrappers of heaven knows what things sticking to you as you lift your hand off what looks like… a used condom. In addition to your toes, there’s also an ache creeping its way onto your back.

Great. Just great.

But you’re hardly surprised by this point. You almost break into a cackle at the thought of your own pathetic, pitiful state before getting back up, doing the best you can to brush your clothes off all the junk sticking to you.

Out of all the things that went wrong in the recent days, falling into a dumpster certainly hits a new low.

You dust your hands as you make your way out of the dark alleyway, a slight limp in your strides as you step into the light again.

Things are so far beyond worse by now, you feel as if nothing can possibly go downhill any further from here. You’ve hit the lowest of the low. Moreover, you are all out of ideas anyway and there’s nothing left that could go wrong.

The thought is almost strangely comforting. Because if you’ve hit rock bottom, the only way from here is up, right?

Checking the time on your watch, you make your way towards the main streets. It’s fifteen minutes to four and you have to pick up Kakashi’s cake.

 ……………………………………………………………

 The Konoha Bakery looks emptier than it usually does, from what you can see through the glass doors as you enter.

That’s good because you’re running slightly late, thanks to your second meltdown of the day, and you have a lot of cleaning up to do before the party. With every other option out of the window, you suppose the only thing left for you to do now is just simply look stunning for your man and have him feeling lucky to have you.

Anko’s suggestion doesn’t seem so bad anymore, she was probably right the entire time. Perhaps you really will just put on a bra with a bow after all.

The young girl from before is the one at the counter again, and she greets you as you walk in, while the other few customers scrunch up their noses at your entrance. You must be stinking really bad. You flash an awkward smile at them as you wait for the girl to assist you, feeling very self-conscious all of a sudden.

She disappears into the storage room at the back of the shop without a word and you feel panic rising within you as you half expect to be served another piece of bad news, instead of the cake you had ordered.

Thankfully for your nerves, and for you since the stink eyes from the customers were getting a little too uncomfortable to bear, she comes back soon enough, holding a huge white box with a big red bow on top in her hands.

“Here’s your order ma’am! Just the way you wanted!” she says with a grin, placing the box on the counter.

Without wasting further time, you flash her a quick smile and hold the box with both hands, lifting it off the counter.

It’s heavier than you’d expected and you almost stumble, catching your balance at just the last moment.

There’s no way, no way you’re letting anything go wrong with this, hell no.

You tuck your purse under your arm as you try to hold the box, making sure to balance it in your hands. The box is so big, it almost obstructs your view and you struggle to see as you proceed to walk out of the store.

You push the door open with your foot and step outside, barely managing to see anything in front of you as you peek through one side of the huge box to see where you’re going.

 Out on the street, you keep struggling your way ahead, relying majorly on your other senses to walk, tripping and stumbling a few times.

No matter what though, you are not about to let this box fall from your hands.

You’re almost near your home when suddenly a very familiar voice stops you, one that you’ve unfortunately had to hear more times than you’d have liked to in the past few days.

You peek across the stooping box to look at Gai, standing in front of you with his eyes bright as ever and the evergreen toothy grin pasted across his face.

He also seems to be carrying some bags in his hands, but you don’t bother asking what they are.

Unicorn feathers for his dear rival perhaps. Or berries of immortality handpicked by tiny fairies from the forbidden forests of the Land of Rainbows. Whatever.

“What is it, Gai?” you ask, “I am not exactly in the best state to stand and chat right now” you say, making no efforts to mask your annoyance while struggling to hold the box up as the purse almost slips from your tuck.

“I am so very sorry, Y/n! Please allow me to carry this for you—” he begins, stepping forward as you take a step back, cutting him off.

“That won’t be necessary, Gai.”

You watch a look of confusion flash across his face and then he says, “Well then, I’ll see you at my party, Y/n! Everything is almost—”

“Yes, I am sure that everything is just wonderful.”, you can’t help but snap. You know that he is only trying to make his best friend happy but with each failure, you can’t help feeling more and more bitter towards the man in front of you.

You feel your patience running out as he says “Well, the cake looks wonderful too, Y/n! I can’t wait to—”

“Yeah, yeah” you snap again, cutting him off, not able to bear it any longer. “I have to go, see you later.” You say, sidestepping past him and walking ahead, trying your best to look dignified and not trip on the way.

You hear him call after you “Y/n, Wait! You have something stuck to your—”

But you pick up your pace, ignoring his calls and walking on with your eyes ahead, hearing his voice get fainter and fainter.

Once out of his view, you stop, looking behind to check the back of your dress and sure enough, find your old friend, the used condom sticking to the thin material of your dress.

You hang your head forward, and exhale heavily into the air.

So much for dignified.

  Once at home, you place the cake on top of your kitchen counter and run immediately to the bathroom, stripping as you go. The stench emitting from you is truly unbearable and the thought of having a myriad of disgusting, unknown things sticking to your body almost makes you gag.

You turn the tap on and wait for the bathtub to fill up as you take a quick glance into the mirror. You look absolutely terrible. You have dark bags under your eyes from several sleepless nights, your hair is all out of order and you just look completely exhausted. Which, well, you are. But that’ll have to change before the party.

You get your favourite, most expensive body wash down from the shelves, the one that you only use on special occasions or when you need to take a nice long bath to unwind. You uncap the bottle and breathe into its mystic fragrance, smiling to yourself.

Perfect. Kakashi loves this smell.

Next you splash some water on your face, dabbing it dry with a towel before putting on a homemade face mask that always softens your skin and leaves a nice glow.

With the face mask on, you step into the bath, leaning your head back against the edge of the tub with your eyes closed. The warm water engulfs your body, washing away the horrible day, and the stench.

You take a deep breath, inhaling in the fragrance of one of the aromatic candles you lit, and let yourself get into the moment. This is the first time in a week that you have felt truly relaxed and you take time enjoying it. You really, really needed this.

There’s still a few hours to go before the party and you take your sweet time in the shower, washing and scrubbing every part of your body.

You wash your hair, file your nails, put on some nail polish, and lather your entire body with sweet smelling moisturiser.

By the time you get out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, however, you realise that you’re running thirty minutes behind. You got so into the moment that you completely lost track of time.

The clock reads 8:45 and the party is set to start at around 9:15.

You dash to the bedroom, going straight for your wardrobe and racking through all the hangers to find the dress you had in mind for tonight. Sure enough, you cannot find it, so you start yanking each hanger out, throwing them onto the bed one after another. After about seven minutes you find the one you’re looking for, hidden behind clumps of a few other clothes.

You really need to organise your wardrobe, but that’s a thought for later.

You pull out a set of lacy black lingerie from another shelf, a pair that you haven’t worn yet since you were saving it for a special occasion.

You untuck your towel, letting it fall to the ground before slipping into the pair of black underwear. Next you wiggle into your dress, before walking to your dresser to catch a glimpse of yourself.

You smile, looking at your reflection. You have on a red, halter neck floor length dress with a thigh high slit on one leg. It was an impulse buy that you had made on one of your vacations and you recall having worn it only once your twice before.

You turn around in front of the mirror, checking yourself from all angles.

Definitely not bad.

With the clock ticking, you don’t spend further time on admiring yourself and move on to doing your hair and make-up. You brush your hair into a loose low bun, with loose locks of hair hanging by two sides of your face.

You aren’t one for much make-up, so you go for your usual minimal look, with a bit of eyeshadow, some mascara and lip gloss. To add one last touch of dazzle, you put on a pair of silver dangling earrings and then step back, looking at the final result on the mirror.

Your reflection is better than satisfactory, and a grin breaks out on your face. 

Kakashi certainly is going to need a moment to catch his breath when he sees this.

Now that you’re ready, you make your way towards the main door, making a mental list of all the things you need to check for before leaving the house.

Keys, wallet, watch, cake.

You repeat the order in your head as you go around the house, locking every cupboard that contains anything valuable and turning the lights of each room off.

You take the keys off the keyholder from the wall before going up to the kitchen counter where the cake is. How you’ll carry this cake and walk wearing a floor length dress and heels is a good question, but you suppose after all that you’ve been through today, this will quite literally be cakewalk.

The smell of the rich chocolate flavour permeating through the box is overwhelming and you resist the urge to sneak a peek.

There’s no harm in sneaking a little peek. Or maybe even in getting a little taste of the icing?

You giggle to yourself like a child as you tug the bow off and keep it carefully to the side before peeling off the single piece of cello tape that’s closing the box shut.

You slowly begin lifting the cardboard lid up, juvenile anticipation rising in your chest as you grow eager to catch a glimpse of the magnificent cake, until the lid is all the way up and—

 Sitting there, in front of your eyes, is a humongous, chocolate covered penis cake, complete with a pair of balls and several veins and even tiny hairs drawn delicately with icing. On top of the cake written in cursive, also with icing is “Kakashi your dick”.

You stare at the sight in front of you for a few seconds, having lost the ability to function.

You keep staring, as an inaudible scream leaves your mouth and you feel your legs wobble, your head suddenly spinning as they give way and you feel yourself losing balance, unable to keep yourself standing. Your foot catches the hem of your dress and you hear a clear ‘screeeesh’ as the flimsy material comes ripping on impact, before you fall on the ground.

You sit staring blankly at the ground in shock, your head suddenly completely empty of thoughts, before you find yourself letting out a loud, long coming, screeching scream that almost tears your vocal cords, into the empty house.

Your voice echoes through the walls as you find yourself unable to keep holding the tears back anymore, letting them come as you feel them roll down your cheeks in streams of water, completely messing up your freshly put on make-up.

You sit with your back resting against the kitchen counter, slowly slipping onto the floor before you’re fully horizontal on the cold tiled ground, crumpled up in a screaming, sobbing ball.

You make no efforts to hold back any longer as you catch hold of the ripped part at the hem of your dress and tear it off with a hard yank, using it to wipe the watery snot running down your nose.

Your shoulders heave as you stay on the floor sobbing, a whimper escaping your trembling mouth from time to time.

You lie on the floor crying for you don’t know how long, the clock ticking by behind you as you make no attempts to move.

I give up.

Gai wins.

You tried, you’d gone out of your way, you’d bent over backwards to do everything you could to make Kakashi happy. But despite your best efforts, you couldn’t. You failed. You failed at making him happy. You are a horrible girlfriend and a horrible person. You snapped at Gai and were rude to Mrs. Kimura, who had been trying to help you.

The sobs come harder and you give yourself in to them, your face looking like a wet mess with make-up smeared all over. And your dress… your beautiful red dress…

But that’s not the most important thing on your mind right now.

You recall every single moment from the past two days, letting all the feelings you had pushed to the back of your mind, every single instance where you tried to be strong when you really wanted to scream, flow over and consume you.

Your mind wanders to when you’d placed the order for the cake and you realise… you have no one but yourself to blame for this particular mishap. When you’d shoved the ripped pieces of the poem into your pocket, it must have mixed up with the scrape of paper that had the details of the cake written on it. And like an utter moron, you had handed the paper to the girl without even looking at it. No wonder she had looked at you funny.

And God, Kakashi’s name was on it. He’s the Hokage for God’s sake.  

In addition to self-pity and dejection, you feel embarrassment creep in as you recall the conversation you had had with the girl.

The cake reflects the man so the largest one you have of course.

Not only did you embarrass yourself, you also, without even trying, managed to drag Kakashi’s dignity into the grounds by involuntarily disclosing details about his measurements down there to the girl in the bakery.

God what did she even think!?

Another surge of tears overwhelm you as you hide your face into your hands, realising just what you have done.

The veins, I suppose that’s what she meant by “special details”

You bury your face in the cold ground, hoping never to get up again. There’s no way you can ever show your face at the Bakery ever again. Which really sucks because they have the best blueberry muffins in all of the Land of Fire.

 You remain lying on the ground for what feels like a lifetime and the tears eventually stop but you feel like trash and your muscles feel weak from all these days of running around and biting off more than you can chew, so you remain on the floor, crumpled into a ball like a snail.

It must be somewhere around 10:30 p.m. when you feel the main door clicking, but you remain in your position, too exhausted to care about anything anymore.

“Y/n!” Kakashi’s voice rings as he enters, almost screaming. “What happened, are you okay?” you hear him as he comes running across the room as soon as he’s inside, crouching by your side to take your face in his hands.

In all the years that you’ve known him, you can count the number of times he’s sounded this alarmed on your fingers.

You study his panicked eyes as you look into them, a sloppy smile spreading through your face. “Kakashi… what’s up, man?”

His brows knit deeper as he takes your state in, your tear streaked, make-up smeared face and your ripped dress. He leans down further and sniffs. “Are you drunk?”

“No, but I should be” you reply, still in the same position as he watches you in utter confusion.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” he asks, his tone worrisome. You realise he’s breathing fast, like he ran on his way here.

You lift your head off the ground, sitting up and facing him. “The question is, what isn’t wrong?” you say, putting a hand on his shoulder. “And the answer is, nothing. Because everything is completely and utterly wrong.”, you smile again.

You watch his eyes grazing across your face, reading you but saying nothing. He remains quiet, only looking at you, waiting for you to regain sanity.

A few minutes of silence pass before you speak. You let out a sigh before forming the words.

 “I’m sorry” you say, taking your face into your hands. “It’s just… I really wanted to make you happy on your birthday, and I failed. Miserably…” 

“What are you talking about?” he asks, moving your hands away your face, shock evident in his voice.

You avoid looking at him, shaking your head. “Nothing. I’m just stupid.”

He comes closer, pulling you into his arms as you rest your head on his chest, matching your breaths to the beat of his heart.

 Being in his arms feels like being blanketed in a cocoon and you feel a strange feeling of comfort flood over you. You stay that way in silence for a while before you conjure the ability to talk again.

“So…Did you um… go to the party?” you ask against his chest, still in his hold.

“Yes, but you weren’t there, so I came to look for you.” He replies, his chin resting on the top of your head as he speaks.

You feel a strange guilt forming as you wonder how thrown off Gai must have been when you hadn’t shown up.

“And were you surprised?” you ask, making a mental note of apologising to Gai. Temporary rivalry aside, he’s a good friend.

“Well, I knew about this” he says matter-of-factly and you pull back, looking at him. “But there definitely were surprises.”

“You knew about the party?” you ask, your brows furrowing.

“Well, yeah. Gai tried to hire singers and any gathering of such magnitude requires the Hokage’s sanction and I didn’t want him to go through so much trouble so I denied permission and asked the singers to tell him they were booked, but…  he found some way around it, I really don’t know how.”

You can’t help letting out a chuckle at this. “Sounds like Gai. He really went all out, huh?”

You watch Kakashi almost shudder. “You should’ve seen what did for the party” he says, shaking his head.

“Were there boa scarves involved….?”

“You don’t want to know.” He says chuckling, and you smile, taking his hand in yours, glad to have him alone at last, even under these circumstances.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I was the one who was supposed to go get you and I got ready” you gesture at your face and your dress,” But then this happened” you say, reaching for the open box lying on the counter with your hand. “Are you ready?”

He looks at you in confusion as you get a hold of the box, carefully bringing it over and placing it in the space between you.

You watch his eyes widen at the sight before he starts laughing and you join in, staring at the humongous edible rendition of a penis in front of you.

“Well, that is one well-endowed cake” he says, tilting his head to get a better look at it.

You sigh. “Ugh. This whole thing turned out to be such a disaster. This is not how it was supposed to be…” you say, looking down at the ground, your face forming into a frown again. ”I just wanted this day to be special and to make you happy”.

His eyes soften as he looks at you. “I AM happy”.

Inside your chest, your heart starts doing somersaults.

“You bring me a lot of hap-penis, Y/n.” he says, looking right into your eyes with a straight face.

“Kakashi, did you just—"you scoff, “This is not funny! Do you know the amount of craziness I’ve had to—” but you trail off, breaking into a fit of laughter yourself. “You’re such an idiot” you say and he smiles, coming closer to you and pulling you into a hug again.

You close your eyes as he whispers into your hair, “You smell nice”.

“Can’t say the same about you,” you reply without missing a beat but do nothing to let go of him.

He laughs into your hair and you feel the muscles of his chest move as he does. “Yeah, I should go take a shower. I ran on the way here.”

“Shouldn’t you get back to the party?” you ask.

“I’m not going back there.”

“But it is your party. As much as I’d like you to stay, you should go, Kakashi.” You say, pulling back from the hug to look at him.

“I did go.” He protests. “Believe me, they won’t miss me if I don’t go back. Gai is 3 sakes down, he can barely tell his right arm from his left, it’s havoc out there.”

You widen your eyes at his words. “3 sakes down? That’s not going to be good” you say, shuddering as you recall this particular memory from a few years ago where you had had the misfortune of witnessing Gai drunk in a bar. The place had taken 2 months to renovate and your entire group was banned from ever setting foot there again.

Kakashi laughs, recalling the same memory. “So, don’t worry. I am going to go take a quick shower and then I’m all yours for the night.” He says, with a twinkle in his eyes.

You smile at him and for the first time this evening, it doesn’t feel like a chore.

“Wait, let’s cut the cake before you go, it’s been sitting out for too long” you say, getting up with the box in your hands as Kakashi follows.

You come around to the counter, placing the box on top and looking for a knife as he comes behind you, standing with an arm around your waist as he laughs at the sight of the cake again.

“Well thanks to this, everyone in the village is probably going to know now that their Hokage is packing” you say, before proceeding to take the cake out of the box and placing it on a tray.

“Yeah, I had been thinking of ways to get out of this Hokage job for a long time and I think you gave me the perfect reason to resign.” He says as you hand him the knife, chortling.

He remains standing beside you with an arm on your back as he makes the first cut on the cake, and you watch thick white molten cream come spilling out onto the tray.

“Oh my god” you exclaim, laughing in fits as he cuts a slice and holds it out near your mouth.

You open your mouth and let him feed you and cut one of the 'balls' of the cake before holding it out to him. “Open wide” you say, before feeding him the slice as both of you try not choking on your laughter.

He looks at you with those eyes again, before dipping his index finger in a bit of the cream and smearing it on both your cheeks and your nose, before leaning forward and kissing the areas, licking them away.

“Thank you, Y/n” he says and you see the same look from earlier reflected in his eyes.

You lean forward and place a kiss on his mouth, the one you couldn’t earlier.

“Alright, I’ll go take a shower.” He says, kissing your cheek again before turning around to head towards the bathroom. Halfway through, he turns around to call out. “Oh and I found a package addressed to you at the doorstep? I kept it by the couch” he says, before turning back and disappearing down the hallway.

A package? What could that be?

Confusion looms over you as you walk up by the couch, inspecting the package in your hand. It looks big and heavy.

You crouch down, unpacking it slowly and find a note attached. You keep the note aside and open the package first and inside, you find a projector, complete with a roll up screen and a manual guide, and a DVD copy of Icha Icha Paradise.

You pick up the note, holding it in front of you.

Dear Y/N,

Please accept this small gift for me, as a token of apology and gratitude for all that you’ve done for me over the years.

But remember that the best gift a man can have is the company of the woman he loves.

My best wishes to Kakashi and my love to both you.

Akari Kimura

You hold the little note close against your chest and feel your eyes welling up, but not out of frustration or sadness this time. You smile to yourself and make a mental note to personally deliver a bouquet of flowers to Mrs. Kimura tomorrow.

But right now, something else plays in your head as you suddenly recall a line from that paragraph of Icha Icha Paradise.

His engorged fleshy sword slipped into her moist tenderness, thrumming deep and hard into her honeypot as the petals of her flower bloomed to welcome him into the humble abode between her legs. Their dewy bodies heaved, as if dancing to a melody written only for them and they became one, in a sacred union of love and lust, as they made love under the sparkling stars of the beautiful night sky.

Sparkling stars of the beautiful night sky.

Your face breaks into a massive grin and you stand swiftly up on your feet and dash towards the bedroom.

You pull out some sheets, a pair of comforters from the storage cupboard and run to your backyard, piling them all on the grass before making a quick dash back into the bedroom and coming back with some pillows and cushions.

You lay the sheets and the comforter carefully on the grass, before throwing the pillows on top.

You hurry back to the living room next, carrying the box containing all the things out into the backyard and set up everything one by one, with the help of the manual. You connect the projector to the DVD player you had in your house already and set up the screen on the two metal stands in front of the makeshift bed on the grass.

You make another quick dash inside your house, making sure Kakashi is still in the shower. You hear some movement behind the door and you yell “Don’t come out now!” before getting some twinkling string lights you have from the store room.

“What do you mean don’t come out? I’m done, I need to get dressed” you hear him yell back from the other side, followed by the sound of the bathroom lock clicking as you run to the door just in time, the string lights still in your hand, and lock the door from outside. “Don’t come out until I say so!”

You hear him utter a confused “What?” but you’re already off, out in the backyard again. You wrap the string lights around, in bushes and trees and clothing wires, before turning them on.

A dim yellow light fills your backyard, flooding the entire place with a warm cosy aura.

You look around to your creation, satisfied with the results and let out a big grin, thanking Mrs. Kimura in your heart.

She’s right. The best thing you can do for Kakashi is to simply be there for him, and spend time with him. You got so wrapped up in thinking about doing things to make him happy, that you forgot that it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as the two of you are together.

Kakashi loves you and you know you make him happy, regardless of whether or not you make any grand gesture on his birthday. 

But that being said, it certainly doesn't hurt to do a little something for him, as long as you don't get too carried away with it to the point that it almost kills you. 

The realisation soothes you and you feel a long-standing burden slowly crumble in your heart as you start to feel lighter, your spirits lifting up.

You hum to yourself as you make your last trip into the house, gathering some of the food you had picked out at the market that day but didn’t fit into the picnic basket. You pull out an old bottle of wine from the refrigerator, filling up two glasses and carrying it outside to the backyard.

Laying it all beside the sheets, you make your way back towards the bathroom and stand outside, facing the door.

“Kakashi?” you call in a soft voice.

“Yeah? Can I come out now? What are you even doing?” he calls back as you smile to yourself at the sound of his voice.

“How well do you know Icha Icha Paradise?”

“All the lines by heart, can we have this conversation when I’m not standing near a commode?” he calls out impatiently as you laugh again.

You reach behind and pull on the strings of your halter-neck tied at the back of your neck, feeling the top of the dress fall to your hips in one swift motion. You slide the rest down your hips, letting it pool near your feet as you step out of it, standing in front of the door in your lacy black lingerie.

“All the lines?” you ask again, your voice teasing.

“Yes”, he replies and you hear him about to start another sentence as you unlock the door, pushing it open. “We’ll test that.” You say, looking into his eyes as you watch him look at you like he just got an electric shock through his veins.

You gaze at him, standing there in a white towel with his hair wet, droplets of water still trickling down his torso as you feel something stir inside you and you smile, not taking your eyes off him.

He still stands there looking frozen as you step forward, and take his hand in yours, even the touch of his fingers against yours suddenly sending a shiver through you.

“I, uh… You look… I’m—” you hear him fumble nervously, visibly shocked as you cut him off.

“Just like the main heroine of Icha Icha, yes” You say in your calmest voice, tugging at his hand, a mischievous smile playing on your lips as he steps out of the bathroom, still looking at you as if he’s not sure you’re real. You pull him by his hand, slowly leading him down the hallway, all the way out into the backyard, knowing that nothing is going to come in your way this time.

You catch a glimpse of the clock as you lead him outside, and see that it’s almost midnight and soon it’s not going to be his birthday anymore but right now, you don’t care.

You don’t care if it’s not his birthday anymore, or if you don’t have rose petals, expensive champagne or a delicious meal cooked.

You don’t care that you couldn’t give him the perfect birthday gift, or that he’s already watched this movie multiple times before.

You don’t even care that all your previous attempts had failed, that even after breaking your back trying to do things for Kakashi, you couldn’t pull a single thing off.

All that you care about, is the fact that he’s here with you.  

In the end, it all worked out just fine, better than you could have ever dreamt of.

But what matters most is the fact that you’re together, and you make each other happy, and nothing else in the world could ever be more special, or a greater gift than that.  

 Just her and him in their own little world, entangled in each other’s arms, laughing the night away and making sweet love under the stars. (Last Line, Icha Icha Paradise)

Notes:- 

I tried my best to proof read but since it's really long, I may have missed some things. So if you find any spelling mistakes or any words missing or anything that seems out of place, please do not hesitate to let me know! 

Also, I’m gonna reply to the comments about the earlier chaps on here lmfao 

@ibukiirisha​ - You’re so cute what the hell, it was MY honor to tag YOU omg, I honestly was so fkn delighted when you’d even asked to be tagged in my fics,I was just ahdfdhkefhj  😩 Thank you so much ❤️

@ren-hatake​ - AHHHH i cant even tell you how happy you make me with all the love and support i mean  😩😩 it really fills my heart, you and your comments make My day 6000000x better and thank you so much for everything bb, I’m so glad you liked the earlier chaps thank you so so much ily ❤️

@issamomma​ - OH GOD THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOU SAID, honestly. I can’t verbalise how happy it made me 😩 Your comments always make my day, thank you so much taking the time to write them, I appreciate it a hell lot. You’re so precious, thank you, ily ❤️

@psychofishie​ - shdhdk i don’t even know what to say, you’re literally encouraging me and supporting me all the damn time and thank you so so much, it really does keep me going. Your comments mean a hell lot to me, thank you SO MUCH for all the support, i completely adore you and i really hope you like the story ahhhhh  ❤️  

@ sushi-comet - I agree lmfao Gai is pure af and i love him but yeah he sure does go over the top sometimes lmfao. Thank you so much for reading!!  😩

[ohheyitsokay]

dreamscapes

this is a little gift-fic for @scribbledghost! because you know as well as I do that she deserves all the love in the universe. this takes place in her “Multitudes AU” (or does it..?) and I directly pulled some lines from her stories to make parallels, so all rights belong to her. If you haven’t read it recently, I highly recommend a reread - not because it’s necessary but because it’s that good.

paring: Jack Daniels (Agent Whiskey) x reader 

wordcount: 2.5k

warnings: brief mention of ‘canon’ typical trauma, literally so much fluff 

summary: post universe-collision, you and Jack grow closer and closer every day, and every night 

>>

A few weeks had passed since your literal reality had collided with Jack’s- and it still feels surreal. He wouldn’t take no for an answer in all the best ways: you lived in his home, worked in his office, ate everything he put before you. It was the most safe and loved you felt in years, maybe ever.

The looming threat of losing it all, the memories of it actually happening, and echoes of loneliness still haunted you sometimes, but he fought them. Your sweet, try-hard Statesman cowboy would fight for you, making sure you eat like a mother hen, and shooing away prying questioners like it was his job. And he wrapped his strong arms around you, resting his chin on your head and glaring, daring the darkness to try taking away his love again.

It’s not happening – he spent too many nights sleepless, agonizing over the death of your world to let anything happen to you. And he lost so much once, he knows he wont make the same mistake twice.

Towards the beginning, he had been careful, trying to be as considerate as possible, but you’d been in agreement about one thing: you would share his bed. After gathering the courage to sleep with your monitors side by side, this was an obvious choice, but seeing his face when you woke didn’t compare to the elation of reaching forward and touching it. Of feeling his skin against yours, the relaxed muscles of his half-asleep body, gathering you as close to him as he could.

It was perfect.

Except, there was one thing being tucked against him couldn’t fix, that all the fighting for your health couldn’t cut away.

Nightmares.

Waking up to the love of his life tended or thrashing in his arms was a hurdle he never even thought of when he yearned for your presence in his life. Jack did everything he could, whispering into your hair, running soothing hands over your skin, even signing his favorite country lullabies when you woke and needed his voice to cling to. It made him wish for the times when you’d find each other in your dreams, when he could look you in your eyes and mouth to you that he would do anything to make sure it was okay. 

It made him wish, as as he had before, that the universe had given him you under different circumstances. 

And in a way, he got his wish.

-

It was hazy, he almost couldn’t see – musty and damp and dark, like he was a basement.

In the background of his mind there was a pulsing ache of fear, desperation, claustrophobia, and betrayal. It was gnawing at him, steady as a drum, pounding and painful.

Jack tried go move, his limbs heavy and stiff and different, than he remembered them. Harrier, darker, less … human. You were tucked into his side, tears drying on your face as your hands wander across the expanse of his chest.

The rising panic in his chest subsided.

Everything was different except one thing. You loved him, and he loved you.

Sure that everything could be okay, he shook his head to clear it, confused at the weight and size of it, before he woke, for real.

-

Jack felt strange, lighter and smaller, and he took slow breaths through his mouth. Against his side, you were still asleep, mercifully peaceful, and your hand twitched on his chest, running through the folds of his shirt like it was part of him.

When you woke, you’re eyes were puffy, but void of the familiar dark circles you’d grown accustomed to. Footsteps lighter than he could remember them being in awhile, Jack made you pancakes that morning, thinking nothing of the dream he had. 

You were his love, brought to him by the universe and some science, and his sheer power of will, and he wasn’t going to dwell on anything other then the fact that you were here. He was going to take it day by day.

It was a byproduct of your trauma, your need to stay close to him, and he liked having you a step away, or better yet, under his arm. Well rested, you slipped your hand into he crook of his elbow and talked more boldly around his coworkers. When you mimicked his accent he nearly cried, thankful beyond words he could see the teasing glint in your eyes, clear of the usual sheen of anxiety.

It was more than enough, your energy, to occupy his heart and mind the whole day through.

-

Your body had been sore when you went to bed, just a little from building your strength and keeping up with your long-limbed lover.

But this was something different, something new. Your body ached, pulsing and throbbing and through the haze of confusion you realized you needed… Jack. Where was he? He should know. He should be able to feel how much you needed him to soothe your pain.

Distress rose in your throat until you could hear yourself, pleading for him, whining in a way you didn’t recognize. You didn’t know who you were talking to, but you were desperate for his touch, his comfort, anything. 

And all of a sudden there he was, like he had heard you, your Jack but… different. Intense, shockingly so, confident and possessive waves rolling off of him, and you would have froze if seeing him didn’t make you need him even more.

When he stooped closer to you, though, the fear melted away, and he was gentle, so caring and worried and tender you could hardly understand it.

He was rougher and softer than the Jack you’d fallen asleep next to, but when he rubbed his nose along your neck, there wasn’t a single worry in your mind. Comfort washed over you, flooded your mind and body, his adoration clear and you could smell him. It was your Jack, your love, and he was taking care of you.

-

At the Statesman headquarters the next day, Ginger caught your arm, and Jack bristled next to you.

The woman let go quickly but her smile was kind as she told you, “You’ve been looking better, recently.”

She wanted to ask What changed? but she hardly could. You were fine the last time you let them test you, and she was well aware she was on thin ice. Besides, other than looking more rested, more self assured, it’s not like there was any evidence that the change in realities was having a lasting impact on you.

You smiled graciously and thanked her, before your love moved you along.

In truth, you felt better, too, and you didn’t want to question it.

-

It was another nightmare.

You surveyed the surrounding wasteland with resignation, less afraid that you had been in one of these in quite a long time. Your legs felt stronger than they had in months, like you’d been hiking. Jack’s whip was in your hand and you stared at it, wondering at the pride and confidence that filled your chest.

The realization hit you – you knew how to use it, enjoyed it even. Baffled at your satisfaction, you went back to examining the woods around you, searching for clues to the place your mind had created for you.

There were people around you, that you vaguely recognized from the Statesman, battered and looking worse for wear. They were listening to your Jack, as he instructed them on something.

Moving closer you saw his facial hair was grown out, rugged and handsome, and there were spatters of something dark on the edges of his clothes. The words coming from his mouth were strange, but you didn’t mind them, determination settling in your gut like you knew what he was saying.

Instinctively, your hand slipped into a pocket of your bag, and you pulled out a little stuffed cat. Perplexed but comforted, you put it away, looking up to see your love coming towards you. He was solid at your side, tired eyes filled with the fire of survival.

“You know I ain’t goin’ anywhere you ain’t, baby,” he said it like a promise he’d spoken many times before.

“I know, cowboy,” you heard yourself say.

-

It took you two steps to Jack’s, when he was walking quickly. The pace made your journey from Gingers office short and you almost laughed at the look on your partner’s face.

You loved him, but sometimes you felt like he was more anxious than you were, about your joining his world’s population.

Her and Soda had just shown you… something crazy, to be sure. All the universes where they’d found you and Jack connected, and it was beautiful, overwhelming.

Once the high had worn off, however, there were lingering thoughts, unspoken fears – what did that mean? What would happen in the universe decided it need more drastic methods to correct the error you created?

The little videos danced in your mind, stirring up foggy memories of things that didn’t quite feel like your own. It left you uneasy, uncertain, but you promised him that they were proof. If you could be certain about one thing, surely it was him?

Settling in his arms that night, you notice he held you tighter, like he was cherishing it as much as he had the very first time he held you.

-

The sun was well into the sky by the time Jack pried his eyes open, and that was normal. He wasn’t sure why, but if definitely felt routine.

This dream was a blurry as he prepared for the day, surprisingly domestic until it stilled again, and his elbows were resting on a long wooden counter.

There was laughter and chatter and country music and flirting and it seemed comfortable, like he belonged here. Almost like this was his home, and he’d been here awhile.

But his heart clenched when he looked around and couldn’t see you. Fear clawed at his throat and he almost thought it would be okay if you were anywhere – with another man or annoyed in the corner or anything, as long as you were here.

But then he felt your hand on his back, and he whipped around, almost knocking over a weeks worth of wages in glass. It didn’t matter, you were there, and he was so glad to see you he didn’t even tan your hide for coming behind the bar.

No, instead he kissed you until he heard hoots and hollers from his patrons, relishing the way you kissed him back, hands holding him like he was your anchor. 

Pulling away, he realized a crudely dressed ex-customer was walking out the door, no doubt suddenly aware of the futility of flirting with him, and he tugged you into his side.

When you looked at him unquestioningly, he knew, to the sole of his boots, you weren't going anywhere.

The burning of the ring in his pocket lessened, and he kissed you again.

-

Jack woke, more at ease than he’d been for a long time. Tilting his head he watched your eyes move behind your eyelids, lashes fluttering before you sighed and tucked your nose into his neck and settled.

It was a perfect moment, or it would have been, if Ginger’s show yesterday wasn’t still sticking in his kind, buzzing around like a summer fly, too small and quick to grasp. His previous worries of you being taken from him, were eased by his dreams but…

His dreams. Finally, he could place a finger on what was so strange about those images saying before his eyes yesterday. It was almost as if he’d had that feeling, of connection to you, before. Almost if he’d been having them for months.

Jack mulled it over for throughout the morning, wondering if having such an odd conversation was worth spoiling the peaceful Saturday.

You looked so cozy, wrapped in one of his sweatshirts, rocking gently on his patio, the sunshine brushing your outstretched toes.

But he couldn’t resist. It felt like a gift from the universe, those little dreams, and he wanted to acknowledge it.

“I’ve been having dreams about you lately,” he said, settling next to you with a strange sense of dejavu.

“Yeah?” you asked, cuddling into him like it had never been different. “What kinda dreams?”

“Well…” he started, “it’s like I’m me… but I’m not. Like those different universes Ginger and Soda showed us – I’m Jack from somewhere else, doing something else. And then you’re there, darlin, and just when I know everything’s going to be okay – ”

“You wake up,” you finished, giddy laughter bubbling out of you. “I’ve been havin the same dreams, I thought… I thought it was just me.”

“Again,” Jack joined you laughter, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I think we can reasonably come to the same conclusion we did last time, cowboy,” you said, relaxing into the warmth of his chest again.

“Maybe this was all meant to be, somehow.”

Jack leaned down to kiss your temple, his mouth almost smiling too wide to do it properly.

“Maybe like we were meant to be.”

-

Jack woke alone in his bed, longing in his heart.

As he got up and got ready for work, his movements were methodical, boring, simple. It was lonely, a feeling he hadn’t quite felt in awhile, and he hated it, wondering why it felt so wrong.

When he looked through his kitchen window, he knew.

Across his yard and part of another, there you were, sleepy as you picked up the newspaper off your porch. You glanced at his house and he almost ducked like a teenager caught peeping, but he held his ground, ready to wave if your eyes met his.

When they didn’t, a need rose in his stomach, insistent. There was no way he could start his day without seeing you – and when he checked the clock, it confirmed the theory blooming in his mind.

He had planned for this.

Grinning, he threw on his boots and slipped out the door, grabbing an extra handful of eggs to share with you.

In the back of his mind, Jack thought it was nice, to get to fall in love with you in a normal way.

-

You woke alone in your bed, longing in your heart.

Rolling out of it, you began to get ready, a nagging feeling on your mind. You shouldn’t feel lonely, it said, and you almost believed it.

Still, you werent sure what to do about it, you had to get ready for the day. You had ample time, for some reason, but making a real breakfast, one with eggs, seemed like it would only make you with you had someone to eat them with. So you wandered around your house, confused at why your feet wanted to carry you outside.

When you did, to get the newspaper, you knew. Looking over at the house next to yours, you scolded yourself for not remembering – Jack. Your love, your cowboy, wait. No, your crush.

The pig milling around his garden looked at you, and you could’ve sworn she winked.

Back inside, you watched through the window as he sauntered his way over o your home, and you grinned. He was wearing his boots and jeans and his shirt was mis-buttoned, and he was bringing over some of his eggs.

In the back of your mind, you were thankful for the chance to fall in love, the normal way.

-

Bonus:

Jack sighed, turning his pencil to tap the eraser on the paper of the notebook.

He wasn’t sure how he got here, really it didn’t make sense, but here he was, nonetheless. Writing stories about a love of his life he hadn’t met yet.

It didn’t bother him really, as the lines filled the papers, but he’d been catching himself daydreaming a lot recently. He liked the idea of someone out in the universe, sweet and kind and lovely, who adored him just as thoroughly.

And little did he know, that he was right.

<<

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[tainted-wine]

Evil Demonic Music

Priest!Reader X Demon!Present Mic

Hizashi has a large and filling feast on every Halloween night. He’s been doing it since before you were born. Yet here you are crashing his party while smelling like fresh meat in a den of wolves. It’s entirely your fault for throwing off his groove.

Disclaimer: Reader is more reminiscent of an action priest in a gothic action movie or anime. There’s little to no accuracy here. Lightning will most likely strike me the next time I venture outside.

Words: 7.9k

Warnings: Noncon/Dubcon, Christian Themes, Possession/Mind Control, Orgy, Public Sex, Sorta Corruption, Downer Ending

🎃👻🎃HAPPY LATE HALLOWEEN, EVERYONE!🎃👻🎃

------------x------------

Yuuei Club Presents “Dance With The Devil” Halloween Event LIVE Music by Present Mic Costumes Encouraged // Doors Open at 8 p.m.

It looked innocent enough; a graphical poster on the door of a building surrounded by smaller businesses in the outlet. It masked itself well in the daytime with its plain exterior, devoid of any attractive decorations save for the club’s name that glowed in hypnotizing neon when night falls. All of its temptations were contained inside, dormant until it was filled with careless souls seeking unholy pleasures.

You didn’t hate them for it. The temptation to sin is strong. It’s how evil thrives, and the average person lacks the strength to resist. It’s your duty to protect all people, even the faithless, from evil’s many devices. 

Like this nightclub.

Party locations like these were an uncommon feeding ground, although now that you think about it, the muddled and vulnerable minds residing within should make for easy meals. The loud and nonsensical “music” and absolute lack of restraint that the people displayed was baffling, but your task is to guard souls, not convert and guide them back to Heaven’s path. One demon in particular, however, favored ‘party animals’ more than any other creature from the vile depths.

“Easy there! You glare at this place any harder and it might combust!”

To the average human, the monster that appears beside you is nothing more than a tall blonde man with an inviting smile, but he can’t hide himself from the blessed and perceptive. Beneath the guise of spice and incense, he reeks of smoke and brimstone.

Hizashi, as he called himself, will never fool you.

“Stay back,” spit nearly flies from how harshly you say the words. You know that he can’t harm you, not while you wear your cross around your neck and calmly hold thoughts of your Lord in your mind. Still, you warn the dangerous fiend to keep his distance.

He obeys and innocently raises his hands. “Hey hey, you know I’m not out to hurt you, and you’re not gonna pull anything with that crafty little weapon there, right?”

No, you weren’t going to take a stab at him with the blade hidden in your holy necklace. You tried it before, an attempt to drive it into his back when he wasn’t looking. His hand caught your wrist at a speed you couldn’t comprehend – you were certain that you didn’t blink, yet you didn’t even see him move at all. His friendly smile didn’t waver, not a hint of anger visible on his face.

“Careful, baby priest! Don’t mean to sound cocky, but I’m way out of your league.” The warning wasn’t in his words, but in the heat of Hell itself that briefly washed over you, a sensation so powerful and real that you feared you were being dragged down that very instant. But the unseen flames died off the second he released your hand, eyes flashing a bloody red before returning to their usual emerald hues.

That was the first and only time you tried to banish him.

“I don’t trust you, but I’m not stupid,” was your answer, making sure not to let your hatred and disgust cloud your mind. He might take hold of that.

It was a satisfactory response, going by his bright beam of a smile. So friendly and inviting.

Months had passed when you finally accepted that he was a demon who genuinely enjoyed living alongside humans. He never spoke ill of your fellow men and commended them for their many ways of enjoying their short lives. Most demons you’ve dealt with favor negative emotions. Fear, sorrow, anger… those cold and bitter feelings attracted hellbeasts like flies to honey. 

But this one? He fed on mortals that were as cheerful and carefree as him. All of this still wasn’t enough to convince you that he is truly gentle, however.

Hizashi stayed where he was, staring at his own promotional poster. The urge to leave was almost overwhelming, but you couldn’t let him know how much he unnerved you with just his presence alone. Instead, you shuffle awkwardly and try not to utter prayers of protection. Whether or not that will anger him is something you don’t want to find out.

He rocks back and forth on his heels. “Are you pumped for the best night of the year? Man, Halloween never gets old for me, especially in this day and age. Everyone dancing while dressed like a bunch of monsters...it’s almost like I’m at home! Humans sure know how to party like tomorrow is The Cleansing.”

“Yes, and it’s shameful,” you humor him. “I have no interest in debauchery.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “It’s called having a good time, babe. Put the tome down and loosen up every once in a while.”

Put down the tome?

Loosen up?

Babe?

How dare he make you even entertain the thought of abandoning your teachings. You just know he’s trying to rile you up, to make you lose control. You won’t let him have his way. “I have my good times in moderation, on days when I praise God with my brothers and sisters with a glass of wine. There is discipline in everything, even celebration. Heathens simply get drunk and lose themselves in the madness.”

The demon chuckled as he ran his fingers through long golden locks. Just the beautiful sheen of his hair could probably attract the greedy. “Yep. Times sure do change, don’t they?”

“They don’t just change, they’re desecrated. What was once a day to ward off evil spirits now does the exact opposite. They’re too busy with their consumerism, candy, haunted houses…”

“Oh yeah, those haunted attractions are wild. So many of my buddies gorge themselves there. Free fear for the taking, ya dig?”

Despicable.

“And you don’t?” You test him. He was a conversationalist; a few probing questions won’t bother him, surely.

He withdraws his phone, scrolling through the screen for something. “Come on, you know me by now, don’t you? That sour stuff isn’t for me.”

“Forgive me for still struggling to trust you.” Sarcasm felt too risky, actually. You won’t use it again.

“Heh, no offense taken! You priests know just how cruel we can be sometimes. Mortals learned from the best, after all.”

Your lips twitch. His curve into a more wicked grin.

Every single passerby can’t seem to resist giving you odd looks. You can feel the eyes behind you as people make their way around the shops. Your garb wasn’t that strange; they’re acting like they’ve never seen a person in a robe and wearing several divine artifacts before. They would too if they knew what Hizashi was, who has yet to garner a single look of suspicion.

Ridiculous, his casual getup is actually fooling them. Perhaps the silly villainous mustache wasn’t big enough to give him away.

“Ah, here it is!” You nearly jumped from his voice and how quickly he leaned in, a video playing on his phone. “Just tap on the screen to play it an-”

“I know how to use a phone,” You hiss, taking the device from his hand and shooting him a glance every few seconds in case he tried something. 

The video was chaos, an unsteady view of flashing lights and thumping heavy beats. Whoever held it was smack dab in the middle of an energetic crowd that sang and danced like barbaric animals. It was an orgy of overindulgence. Too much drinking with their comically shaped cups and bottles, too much lust in their crude excuse of a dance, and synthetic drums that dragged on for so damn long, even the beat sounded drunk. It’s not the first time you heard the horrid noise; it unfortunately appears to be popular among the masses. 

God help these poor souls.

“Last year’s party.” Hizashi’s words cut through your thoughts. “Pretty hype, huh? Nothing gets my listeners goin’ like a hard trap beat!”

Oh? So he’s fully admitting it now? “So you’re calling it what it is, are you? Trapping them with your satanic melodies?”

The confusion on his face was very convincing, but you knew better. “What? No, that’s what the music is called.” 

You couldn’t help but snort. “Please, demon. What do you think sounds more believable: A genre of music with such a simplistic and misleading name, or evil tunes that your kind uses to ensnare unassuming mortals that don’t know any better?”

“....um…”

“I thought so.” To think that he’d slip up so easily. He wasn’t as clever as he thought. “Tell me what happened to the people in this video. Are they alive? Or did you drain them until they were nothing more than lifeless husks?”

There was a snicker behind you. Both you and Hizashi turned around to see a young man holding his phone up with an amused smile, giving a little wave after being noticed. “Sorry,” he didn’t sound sorry at all. “I really like your costume, miss. Your acting is awesome, too.” With that, he put away his phone and whatever images he now has of you and continued on his merry way.

Impertinent juveniles.

“Anyway, they’re all fine,” Hizashi said, eyes returning to the door while tapping his feet to a beat you can’t hear. “I know how to feed without causing any serious harm. Even if I do go a little overboard, they’ll just brush it off as having too much to drink.”

“It doesn’t matter how good you are at controlling yourself. You’re an evil entity invading human minds.” It takes every bit of strength to not flinch when he looks at you. Again, there’s no anger – there’s never anger with him – and it makes you all the more uneasy. Maybe a being as ancient and influential as him doesn’t find a novice exorcisor like you worth getting angry or even annoyed over. “Your stench will remain on those people forever, attracting more of your kind to them unless someone like me finds and cleanses them.”

He shrugs and rubs at the back of his neck. “Come on, your boy is doing his best here. What do you want me to do? Starve?” He considers what he just said for a moment before laughing. “Nevermind, don’t answer that. Look, I ain’t leaving the stage, little priest. I’m addicted. The noise, the energy, the way everyone just loses themselves in all of it.”

The way his tongue peeks out to swipe over his upper lip has every hair on your skin sticking up.

“Man, I wish they knew just how sweet their own essence is when they’re caught up in the lights and music. Sweeter than any candy the kids will be bringing home tonight.”

He compares consuming pieces of a soul to children’s treats. “You’re really not helping your case,” you remark.

Another shrug. “C’mon, you say that like I actually have a chance at winning with you! I won’t hurt anyone in there. You have my word.”

You scoffed. “A demon’s word is-”

“Worthless, I know. See what I mean?” He withdrew a ring of keys out of his pocket. “Welp, I think we’ve stood here and stared at the door long enough. I gotta prep for the big night. Thanks for the company!” A few more seconds pass when he finds the right key and opens the entrance to the club. 

You didn’t follow him inside. That would be careless.

Now it’s only you observing the building that will soon hold a giant living feast for the hungry monster. After another passing compliment about your “cool and authentic costume”, you figured you’ve stood around long enough. It was time to head home.

And find a way to keep everyone safe.

He was right; you have no way of getting rid of him yourself. That doesn’t mean you’ll stand by while knowing what danger these people will be walking into when night arrives. You’re not afraid to put your life on the line if it means protecting His children from the many evils on earth. When the first step of your plan takes root in your head, you change routes and make your way to the nearest costume shop.

Hizashi won’t be having his fill tonight.

---------------------------------------------------------------

8:30 p.m.

You weren’t expecting to encounter two demons tonight.

Well, perhaps that term isn’t appropriate. There is no sort of aura attached to the dark-haired man that you can trace back to the pits of Hell, but he is undoubtedly a creature of evil. One that was birthed from the shadows, living for eternity by lurking in darkness and drinking the blood of any unfortunate mortal that catches his eye.

“I knew it. I knew someone so close to Hizashi couldn’t be human.”

The vampire at the lively club’s entrance didn’t seem fazed by your accusation. He wasn’t even hiding himself. The sly bloodsucker knows that his crimson irises and enlarged fangs will be mistaken for prosthetics. Very convincing prosthetics.

“Nice to see you too,” he deadpans. 

You’re getting a little tired of these beasts brushing you off. “So what’s your feeding plan here? Waiting to find an innocent maiden who wishes to see the sinful wonders inside, then take her to the back and drain her dry?”

“Like you?” The smirk doesn’t reveal any teeth, but his predatory eyes are enough to make you step back and grip the cross that still hangs around your neck. Your reaction makes him chuckle darkly before he returns to his regular disinterested self. “I already ate.” That monster. “I’m here because Hizashi thought I’d make for good security.”

“So you intend to drink from anyone that steps out of line?”

“No.”

“Lies. Look here, vampire…”

“My name is Shouta.”

“...You and your friend won’t be preying on these naive humans for much longer. He told me about his trap music, but I won’t let his songs bewitch anyone tonight.”

He stared at you, one eyebrow quirked high up. “Alright...can you give me your hand already? There’s a line growing behind you.”

You look over your shoulder, and there is indeed a line of disgruntled people dressed as various monsters and characters. You have to admit that their costumes look to be of higher quality than the angel outfit you hastily bought in the store’s clearance section. The fuzzy headband for your halo was itchy and your flimsy wings were on the verge of falling off with every sudden movement.

With a glare that messaged him not to try anything, you cautiously extended your arm. He took your hand in his – deathly cold – and wrapped a thin paper tag around your wrist. “Have fun.” 

You always hate it when you can’t read their smiles.

The suffocating darkness around him was lifted when you made your way to the same doors you were looking at with so much contempt this morning. Glancing back, you saw others happily complimenting his ‘spooky’ appearance, to which he responded with either a quick thanks or a grunt. None of them seemed to notice his chilling aura or ice-cold touch.

Why must they be so blind to the evils that walk beside them everyday?

When you stepped in, the music nearly blasted you back outside. So loud, but not like the angelic choirs during gospel. You didn’t feel lifted, you just felt bombarded by pure noise. A repetitive tempo made the entire building pulse like a heartbeat. This didn’t sound like the music Hizashi supposedly used to put the crowd under a spell. It just repeated the same forsaken beat over and over again. Perhaps the repetition is meant to ease the victim’s mind and lure them in a false sense of security, then those long rolling beats will come in next, ensnaring them when their guard is down. Clever, but not clever enough.

You passed the lounge and bar area, paying no mind to the lecherous behavior around you. Boisterous laughs, alcohol being carelessly chugged…

“Hey there, angel.” A man dressed as a superhero nearly tripped over his own cape in his attempt to approach you. “You as innocent as you look? I can introduce you to the boUUUURP.” The sudden belch burned your poor eyes with the stinging smell of rum.

Lord have mercy on both you and these savages.

“No thank you,” you said through gritted teeth and brushed past him. The lights and colors are disorienting. Strobe lights, spotlights whizzing across the walls and floor, and vibrant ever-changing shapes on every surface. The intoxicated folk probably welcomed the flashing chaos. When you drink at the church, your sips stay modest and controlled, ensuring to never reach the stage of drunkenness. If you were feeling ‘buzzed’, as they would say, this musical and optical discourse would likely feel pleasant, like entering a world devoid of rules and consequences.

Also known as a world of sin.

A huge mass of bouncing bodies covered the dancefloor, and there on an elevated platform, acting as an advanced musical throne, was the evil orchestrator of the chaos.

And those long curved obsidian horns were most definitely real.

Even as he tampered with the many buttons and dials before him, Hizashi moved as wildly as his prey, too caught up in his own infernal electronic hymns to even notice your presence. Surely your chaste energy sticks out among these wrongdoers like a dove in a pit of serpents.

You need to activate your blessing before he eats. Good thing the vampire didn’t bother to inspect your costume for any natural evil repellents that you happened to be carrying.

Your self-made pockets were filled with sage and rosemary, common herbs used to drive away demons and spirits. You sprinkle them onto the floor as you continue to make your way to the center, where your power will work most efficiently.  Hopefully their scent will not be overpowered by the sweaty bodies and breaths laced with alcohol of all kinds.

Pushing through the dancing crowd was an arduous task. The music had since switched to something faster and more aggressive. The hectic sounds in this one was making you miss the boring but calmer tunes from before. You never considered what the sound of a robot vomiting would sound like, but it would probably sound similar to the cacophony of ‘whirs’ and ‘wubs’ that were assaulting your ears.

The mass was pushing and tossing you every which way. The variety of masks and makeup beneath the constant moving lights was rather frightening. Of course, you’ve dealt with plenty of real monsters, but it disturbed you to see your fellow man acting in such a frenzied matter in such a perplexing setting. You can see why Hizashi adored this environment. You couldn’t tell the difference between man and beast.

Straightening your halo, you decide that this spot will fare well enough.

Now it was time to apply holy water around your feet. Just a few drops of the blessed fluid will be enough to protect everyone here.

You close your eyes, ignore the many bodies bumping against you, and pray.

O Lord, protect me from temptation.

The water trickles out before you.

O Lord, forgive those who have been led astray.

“WOOOO SHIT! THIS IS MY JAM!”

The nearby exclamation makes your eyebrow twitch.

For we know that your power is greater than any evil.

The song is deafening, but you keep going.

Grant, O Lord, the protection fro-

Someone violently collides into you, knocking the bottle right out of your hands and rolling away to disappear behind the wall of stomping shoes.

Shit! Forgive my language, Father!

You elbow the fools blocking your way, ignoring the occasional “hey” or “watch it” during your desperate search for the most important tool against evil influences.

You didn’t even finish your prayer. You need to at least do that first, before it’s too late. Clapping your hands together, you shut your eyes again and moved your lips rapidly.

OLordprotectmefromtemptationOLordforgivetosewhohavebeenledastrayforweknowthatyourpowerisgreaterthanany-

“HERE COMES THE DROP!”

The rhythm and bass changed drastically, and with it came a powerful wave of raw exhilaration.

It’s like a force was injecting every positive chemical directly into your bloodstream. The abundance of newfound energy needed to be released, just like the tension that was released from that beat drop.

Your hips are swaying in a way you’ve never moved them before, and you can’t make them stop.

Stop! Stop, please! This is his doing!

“How are my listeners doin’ tonight?!”

The demon’s voice booms through the speakers, seeping into your ears and filling you with so much excitement that you can’t help but cheer with everyone else. Your senses feel simultaneously enhanced and dulled. The humans around you were out of focus, but the diabolical DJ up ahead was so clear, it’s like you were right in front of him. The hunger in his currently red eyes struck fear in you even as you danced.

“Woo, I’m lovin’ this energy! Thanks for coming by this Halloween, ya little monsters! Now...bring this house down!”

Your heart accelerates from the rush and you begin to jump in sync with the possessed crowd. Even the people standing by or sitting at the bars couldn’t resist, joining the growing horde on the dancefloor to jump in unison. 

It was unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. Not a care in the world. No customs, no praise. It didn’t give you that warm feeling of ascension. Instead you just felt...liberated.

No!

Struggling in the demon’s grip, you cleared your thoughts just enough to try to calm yourself and regain control.

Utter a prayer. Hurry. Focus. You need His protection.

‘Baby priest? Is that you?’

That is not the mighty entity you wanted to hear. The voice echoes in your head, impossible to escape. When your eyes open, you see that above the vast sea of faces, Hizashi is staring right at you. 

‘I thought the dancefloor smelled a little weird! I was so busy feelin’ the beat that I almost missed you!’  You watched him laugh as he continued to violate your mind. Damn him. Wasn’t possessing you cruel enough? ‘Please, no prayers when I’m about to dig in. That’s gonna leave a bad taste in my mouth. Just keep groovin’ like everyone else!”

Your limbs obeyed without your consent and followed the rhythm. This didn’t even sound like the music you heard in the video. Were you just foolish in thinking that he only used one specific sound to trap his victims?

With another change in the bassline, a heavier weight invaded, reaching right into the depths of your heart and tugging at your very soul. You know that fear will only make you more defenseless, but there was no fighting the terror that overtook you.

Not when a demon was feeding from you.

Your brain clashed with itself. You had to keep fighting, even as he stole a fragment of what your gracious Heavenly Father had gifted you and every human, but the cheerful voices implanted in your mind begged you to stop worrying and just give in already.

There was no stopping your movements or the unending rush that surged as strongly as the music. Only now, as he completely ignored your holy safety measures and tainted your soul as easily as the oblivious heathens surrounding you, did you fully understand just how great the differences in power between him and you were.

‘Whoa...holy shit.’

The breathless moan in your head made you shudder. 

‘I haven’t tasted a human as pure as you in ages.’ 

“Please! You’ve already fed from me!” You scream out loud as the mob revels in the thrilling sensation of having a part of them sucked away. Your voice is drowned out by the music and shouts, yet you know that the horrid fiend can hear you loud and clear. “Just get out of my head!”

The dancing stops.

The music stops.

Everything stops.

It’s relieving to finally let your body rest from the forced celebration. The lights still flash and move in the dead silence. Every single person in all of their costumed glory turns and pins you with a sharp glare. Their eyes were unfocused and glazed over, consciousness elsewhere. Hizashi was in full control of all of them.

The demon himself looked down at you, no longer wearing his usual friendly and carefree smile. He was now showing the more twisted happiness you were used to seeing on his kind.

Crazed and eager to devour.

He spoke into the microphone on his headset, voice low and eerily calm. “Angel, you can’t just give me a sample of a five-star meal and expect me to not want more.”

The dread threatens to make you faint.

“Hey, none of that!” He laughs and switches back to his cheery tone. “I told you the negative emotions aren’t for me. I mean, a lady as sweet as you is gonna taste delicious either way. Why don’t you come on up here?”

You didn’t want to. You wanted to flee from this entire situation that you foolishly believed you were ready for. You thought you could sneak into this age-old creature’s gathering and force him to go hungry for the night.

Cockiness treads horribly close to pride, and pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

You clearly didn’t have a say in the matter, what with your feet moving forward on their own. Every individual in front of you stepped aside to create a clear path from you to Hizashi’s platform. Their eyes never left, heads slowly turning as they watched you slowly climb the steps with legs that trembled from your resistance.

As he stood tall clad in leather behind the large mixer table, you noticed along with his sturdy horns, he also sported a black pointed tail that lazily swayed behind him. And his stench...the foul smell that would often make you crinkle your nose was replaced with a pleasing fragrance, like a sweet and fruity beverage. It was undoubtedly the work of his spell; everything about him has suddenly become tempting.

At this point you were wishing for the music to return so that you couldn’t hear your thunderous heartbeat as you stopped right in front of him. His hellish eyes observed you from head to toe, holding his chin between his fingers before shaking his head and smirking.

“Ya really couldn’t find a better costume?” He snickered as he got closer and fiddled with your cheaply-made gown. You avoided looking directly into his eyes, afraid of falling into the blood-red depths and never finding your way back out.  “Or do you priests work on a budget?” He pauses when he notices the contents in your pockets. “Oh?” A hand is shoved inside and pulls out a handful of herbs.

“Aww gross! Sneakin’ herbs into the joint?” He winces from the smell before tossing them aside, leaving them to scatter into the unmoving group below.

How? His reaction should have been much stronger…

“Not that this stuff really works when I’m vibin’ in my element, but I’m hurt! I thought we had some trust!” He pinches your cheek, knowing that you’re unable to pull away. “And I thought you knew that I was way out of your league. You’re gonna need the big guns if you plan on keeping me away from my food.” The breath blowing into your face is abnormally hot.

There’s a layer of something otherworldly hidden in his tone whenever he emphasizes his words, like a filter poorly attempting to cover up a monster’s true guttural voice. 

But once again, he switches back to normal, which does nothing to calm you. “But I’m not gonna get mad at some rookie that doesn’t know better, especially one as tasty as you!” Twirling around, he pushes a few buttons on the table that you didn’t even know where to begin to figure out. 

“Sorry about the interruption, listeners!” He says to the crowd, cruelly acting like they have any ability to respond. They continue to stare blankly. “I hope you don’t mind if I switch things up a bit. Your boy is gonna be a little preoccupied during the next few tracks.”

The deafening silence is lifted with the start of a new song, and the people suddenly spring back to life, completely unaware of the mindless state they were in. Their only goal was to keep partying.

Your body was moving again as well, this time bobbing gently to the double and triple beats and low frequencies that vibrate through the floor and up your spine.

This...this was the type of melody you feared, and yet it didn’t affect you any more than the other songs. All of them were traps.

The only way you can think of fighting back is by filling your head with songs of praise. Keep your Lord in your thoughts. He will protect you.

“Tsk...angel, that stuff doesn’t work when I, ya know, already ate a piece of you.” His face tightened from hearing just a few seconds of the holy song in your head. “I told you, ya gotta loosen up a bit. You’re already dancing better than I thought you would!”

He paid no attention to his other prey, instead admiring your simple but energetic movements.

Then he began to move as well, shoulders doing a slow shimmy and following each of your steps with his own, moving closer and closer until he was able to wrap an arm around your waist and pull you in.

He’s warm. Not burning or emitting an aura of terrifying darkness. The music suddenly feels softer, easing your fears. Like an intimate embrace. 

“There, it’s not so bad, is it?” He says lowly, lips almost touching your face. “Quit thinking about your big daddy for once.”

You want to protest against the disrespectful nickname for your God, but he predicts your reaction and tightens his hold on your spirit.

“You taste so damn incredible right now, don’t mess it up,” he groans and savors you. With every part of you that is consumed, it becomes harder to resist. It would be so easy to just hold onto him and keep swaying like this, rocking back and forth as his hips press against yours, grinding into you.

The unfamiliar sensation startles you, but Hizashi shuts down your panic with a growl. “Fuck, I can’t believe I’ve forgotten.” he murmurs into your shoulder, breathing deeply to take in your scent. “I’ve been so hooked on the party life that I forgot just how heavenly innocents like you taste. To think that I’d have an actual priest dancing with me, tasting that revelry from such a pure source...pardon my blasphemy, but goddamn.”

You’re swimming through the fiery haze clouding your mind, clawing against it in a desperate search for an opening. But with every beat, the haze thickens and you sink further in.

You couldn’t find the light. No salvation.

More sinful feelings assault you from the friction of his groin against yours, a growing bulge rubbing on your most sacred area. It sends a foreign tingle down there.

“Ooooh, don’t think I can’t feel that, baby” he rasps, holding you so closely in a dance fitting for two lovers. “I can sense everything now that you’ve let me in.”

That angers you enough to find your voice again, just barely. “I didn’t let you in...” You tense from another hard grind. “Foul...beast.”

“Are you sure? You’re giving in pretty easily. It’s nothin’ to feel bad about, I promise. Humans aren’t built to resist life’s basic needs, so I don’t know why the big man in the clouds gets so wound up about it all the time.” 

How dare he.

“Damned snake!” You force your hands to beat against him and push him off. “You will not corrupt me with the Devil’s words!”

He’s actually shocked for a moment, even to your own surprise, but he laughs it off. “Geez, my bad! I guess you are pretty persistent. Must be…” He grabs the cross around your neck, ignoring your horrified gasp. “...this.”

With a sharp yank and a pinch at the back of your neck, your one remaining object of holy protection is removed.

And with its loss, his influence completely overpowers you. The clearness of your senses switches on and off.

The music is muffled. It’s too loud.

The roaming lights are blurry. Too bright.

Are you still moving? Or is your body too heavy?

“It stings a bit, but that little thing can’t do much when the wearer’s already under my control.” An unfocused image of the demon tossing your precious necklace over his shoulder, the necklace you’ve held close to you since the day you first stepped into the cathedral and accepted your role as a righteous defender of man.

Your essence is now being stolen so quickly that it makes you shiver. He shouldn’t be taking this much.

“Mmm, I can’t get enough of this,” Teeth that are too sharp brush against your neck, threatening to pierce your skin. “I’m an old guy, ya know. I’ve done a lot of experimenting over the centuries, to see what I’m into.”

There’s a rip, and your gown is being pulled down along with your wings. It only relieves you from the growing heat of your surroundings.

“Y’see, our daddy isn’t a helicopter parent. He brings us into the world and just...lets us decide what to do. So no, my words ain’t the Devil’s words. They’re just mine, honey. I live for myself.”

Tilting your head, he presses his lips against your throat, making your breath hitch. No, your body is sacred. Don’t let him do this to you.

You don’t even know when the music had changed, but you’ve noticed the club was filled with a synthetic ambiance, the colors switching to magenta and cyan. 

The party demon is so captivated by you that he doesn’t even acknowledge the change in tune. “I used to stalk the depressed. Wasn’t worth it, they were too bland.” He peppers kisses down to your collarbone. “I tormented scared paranoid folk. Fun, but it loses its flavor fast.”

Your bra is removed to expose your breasts to him and the entire populace within the building. Your heart races, but the synths don’t stop seeping into your ears, the bliss wrestling with your fear. 

“Shh, don’t freak out. I’ll make sure everyone forgets everything that happened tonight.” He attempts to reassure you while massaging your newly revealed mounds. “So time went on as I treated my palate to different tastes. Wasn’t long before I realized my favorite vibes were the good ones. Festivals, games, a few buddies hangin’ out,” he lowered himself and flicked your nipple with his tongue. “Or a couple fucking, I ate all of it up. And after a while I decided that I just liked people in general.”

The pleasure felt when your breast is engulfed by the heat of his mouth is shameful. Hizashi moaned at your taste, though you weren’t sure if it was the taste of your flesh or your lust that was exciting him.

“I liked it when humans were having good times, so I figured out how to join in on the fun and damn, how do you guys keep finding new ways to rock out? The prudes keep droning on about how my favorite type of people have lost their way, but I think they’re the ones who found paradise, and they’re not even dead yet!” After nursing on both of your breasts, he rises and grabs your face to turn it toward the crowd. “I mean, just look at how these guys – oh.”

‘Oh’ indeed.

The people were no longer dancing. They were grabbing at each other, at men and women they probably didn’t even know, tearing apart clothes in a vicious urge to fornicate right there on the dancefloor. Some of them were already completely nude. You avert your eyes to stare at your feet instead.

Hizashi cleared his throat. “Whoops. Look what ya made me do, angel. My lust got the best of me!” He held you close while watching the horrid act before him. You’re trying to move your heavy arms to cover your bare body. “No wonder I’m feeling so horny. Think I should make them stop?”

It takes effort to nod your head.

His lip sticks out in an exaggerated pout before going, “Nah. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen an orgy. I bet this is a first for you.”

Something tickles your hips, your eyes wandering over to see the arrow-like point of his tail curling around your white panties, tugging them down.

Part of you already knows that Hizashi is allowing you to struggle for his own amusement. With all of your protection gone, he can easily stop you from swatting at the flexible limb as it brings your final article of clothing down to your ankles.

Wearing nothing but the small strap around your wrist, you want so badly to curl up and hide yourself. You were completely bare on a stage with a demon quietly taking in your form. The contrasting feelings of anxiety and calm threaten to tear your psyche in half.

“Given how anal you guys are about chastity, I think it’s safe to say no one’s ever touched you before?” The way you tense tells him enough. “Alright alright, relax. I’m gonna make this easy for you.”

‘How? By letting me leave?’ You want to say, but your vocal chords aren’t cooperating.

He grinned from ear to ear. “Well, no. I told ya I know everything goin’ on in that head.” He grabs you by the shoulders and places you right in front of his mixer.

There were many suggestive sounds amongst the pile of writhing bodies before you. It was the most depraved sight that you’ve ever witnessed. These people may have been sinners for their immoral pursuits, but they were still victims of a wicked creature’s influence. You wish you could apologize to all of them for failing to protect them.

Slender fingers massaged your shoulders. “Ain’t it beautiful?” He whispers hotly into your ear. “I’m not that crazy about lust, but I can’t resist when it’s coming from someone like you.”

His aura has you shackled on the spot, unable to move or even tear your eyes away from all of the sex. His voice meshes with the increasingly sensual tunes, both him and the music putting you in a deep trance that leaves every nerve in your body extra sensitive.

You’re gently pushed to lean forward until your hands are supporting yourself on the table. The leather of his clothes pressed against your back is irritating, but easily overshadowed by the hands trailing down your skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

“One of my favorite hobbies was hunting down faithful maidens like you. All demons love doing it, really. You can’t top raw innocence, it’s always a delicacy. It’s the closest most of us will ever get to fucking an actual angel. I managed to fuck an angel, and lemme tell ya, it’s a once in an eternity experience.”

He reaches your mound. There is still fear and an urge to pray, though it’s drowned out by the electronic harmony and all of the hot sex.

“Now she’s a fallen one that hangs out with me. Pretty little devil’s obsessed with sex now. If you’re lucky, maybe she’ll give you a visit in your sleep at midnight.”

His fingers reach your untouched folds, making you gasp. You’ve never felt so much lubrication down there before. Was that normal?

“I was really good at the whole corruption thing, so good that I caught the attention of the big holy boys. They were toughies, gotta hand it to 'em. I decided to lay low after that little showdown. That was all a preeetty long time ago.”

The demon’s voice is background noise as you watch deplorable acts that you didn’t even know existed. One woman was taking a cock into her mouth while another man pounded into her from behind. A new male approached and grabbed her free hand, wrapping her fingers around him and encouraging her to stroke him.

Three men pleasuring themselves with the same woman. They were probably complete strangers.

The repulsive sight makes you wetter.

They sure were having fun.

Hizashi hums at your arousal, sinking a digit into your folds. 

“Ah,” you choke on your own voice. His other hand plays with your breast again while you’re being penetrated for the first time. Some sort of flame was growing within you, burning and pleasing at the same time.

“I thought I’ve found my place. Going place to place and bringing in crowds who just want to forget their troubles for a day and groove.”

The finger pushes through your tightly clenched walls, or at least they try to.

“Fuck, relax a bit, babe,” he groans.

You do exactly that, giving him enough leeway to push in and out at a steady pace. You don’t think about the violation, only the strange friction that has no right to feel as good as it does. 

“And then you come along,” An unexpected sharp thrust causes his finger to brush against a spot that fills your vision with even more blinding lights. “It’s not like I was after you or anything. You’re a solid negative ten on the threat scale, but ya just wouldn’t leave me alone!” He relentlessly hits the spot again, and again, until you’re crying out and your legs are shaking. “Then you waltz in here and try to ruin my favorite night of the year?

He’s able to hide his anger as he speaks, but fails to keep it from entering his possessed victims. The orgy becomes more violent, all of the people looking no more civil than savages in torn rags as they try to dominate and fuck each other senseless.

It affects you as well, going by how annoyed you’re getting by his rambling. Can’t he just focus on pleasing you?

His finger leaves you too soon, your cunt already missing the brand new sensations. “Sorry, babe,” he says when he releases you and begins to undo his pants. “Normally I’d spend more time warming up, but I gotta join in on the raunchiness now before I go nuts. Just...do me a favor.”

You whined, wiggling your hips and rubbing your ass against his freed cock. He only chuckles at your impatience.

“Slow your roll, I’ll get started as soon as you push that button riiiight there.”

You push one of the many glowing buttons, and stock phrases are shouted out of the speakers.

“No, the one next to it.”

You press it, and another song begins.

Hizashi hums in approval. “I usually do a smooth transition between songs, but…”

A hard impact knocks you forward with the overwhelming feeling of being completely filled all at once. The stretch and pressure has your mouth hanging open in a silent scream.

“....Yeah, I just wanted to do that. And-” He yanks the halo off your head and drops it at your feet. “-I always loved the symbolism in that.”

He wastes no time building up. You’re being pounded as hard and consistently as the energetic beat. It should hurt, but the euphoric state of your mind dulls any pain and discomfort. 

With the demon inside both your head and your womanhood, there was no saving yourself. Your prayers wouldn’t even be heard through this thick depraved fog.

“Oh fuck yeah,” He growls loudly with his wild thrusts, hands gripping your hips tightly enough to bruise. “I’ve been missing out. So hooked on the party life that I don’t even remember how it feels to eat up a modest little soul like this.”

Was he still devouring you? You can’t even tell, not while you’re trapped in this melodic dreamworld as his cock rams you.

“Ya mind if we do this again sometime?” He angled himself to ensure he was hitting that sweet spot with each rhythmic pump. Despite his aggression, his hips moved with musical purpose. “Not like you’re much of a priest anymore. You’re fuckin’ a demon, sweetheart. I think the pearly gates have closed for you.”

That sounds sad and all, but God does he feel good. The entire moment was feeling like a hallucination. Your world was saturated with fuzzy images and muffled bass as your virgin pussy was ravaged. The tightened heat in your core was growing hotter by the second.

Hizashi just wouldn’t stop talking even as he became short of breath. “Ah, don’t worry, my doors are always open to misfits!” His rhythm falters a bit when you give him an especially tight squeeze. “Ya like that? I can always wipe your memory of tonight along with everyone else’s, and you can head back home. I just don’t think your next visit to the house of God is gonna end well.”

How does he expect you to care with the way he’s plowing into you?

His arms wrap around you in an embrace. “No pressure, angel. You can decide later. For now, just enjoy the show.”

And finally, he shut up and focused on fucking your divine lights out.

With his pelvis flush against your ass, Hizashi humps with newfound vigor, his thrusts rapid yet precise enough to keep stimulating your most sensitive areas.

The blinding stars in your eyes make it impossible to even make out what’s happening in front of you. A shame, because you want to know if you’re being dicked down as good and hard as the whores on the dancefloor.

The demon may not be talking anymore, but he was still being very vocal about his pleasure with feral moans and growls right into your ear. 

An extra hard slam forces you to nearly topple onto the controls, hands scrambling to keep you upright and hitting several buttons in the process. 

A series of sounds and distortion effects are added to the song.

It unexpectedly riles him up. “Shit, that wasn’t a bad mix, angel. I might have a junior DJ in the making,” he praises.

The tempo changes - different speed and new layers - and Hizashi follows suit by switching his quick bucks into deep thrusts.

The fire inside was close to doing...something. You weren’t sure what it was or what exactly will happen if this lasts any longer, but part of you knows that it’s about to feel very good.

With the head of his dick striking you nice and deep, you quickly learn that you were right.

The explosion of spasms was too pleasurable to even comprehend, each contraction tearing filthy screams from your throat. Hizashi bursts soon afterwards and fills you up with a cry even more lewd than yours.

Just like that, your mind is freed and the weight of his aura is lifted...and you feel gravely tired.

A coldness sweeps over you and saps every ounce of your strength. You find yourself dropping to your knees and falling over as a distant voice expresses genuine worry.

“Oh.......I overfed.” Though it doesn’t sound as panicked as it should.

You don’t want to close your eyes. You fear that something terrible might happen if you do, but your eyelids are quickly becoming too heavy to fight.

“Really sorry, little priest! I didn’t mean to! Look at the bright side - my friends are gonna love ya down there! Home isn’t half as bad as those books make it out to be!”

Each word sounds fainter than the last, but you still catch each one.

Home?

Your eyes shut. 

And the remains of your soul become stained with ash and black before heading downwards into the demonic realm.

Welcome home.

[heyheshi]

Her

2.8k words

written and uploaded: September 10 - 11, 2020

🌙 - angst

Please like and reblog! Also please don't post my writings anywhere!

I'm sorry this is a bit late, I was really busy the whole day! Also i feel like this isn't too angsty or this isn't as heartbreaking as i wanted it to be haha probably because I'm too tired right now, it's 3:00 am where I live but i really wanted to write it since this concept has been with me since i first started writing and i feel like i can nail it since me and this guy broke up just this last Saturday lol. But idk i don't think i gave this one a justice but please let me know!!

Also i tweeked some of the details of the whole album release as well as the album/song meaning/interpretation itself.

Btw! I'm planning on writing a second part and hopefully a third part which will have a spin off so tell me if you want me to write it!

Stream the songs in BOLD LETTERS AKA THE WHOLE ALBUM.

Masterlist

_________

You're proud. You're so proud of him, so fucking proud of your best friend - your boyfriend. You don't remember the last time you felt like this - you're anxious, excited, scarred - everything and you felt like you might pass out with every tick of the seconds of the clock.

You look like a crazy person. Sitting at the end of the edge of the couch, your foot tapping rapidly along with your ranging mind. Your natural nails now looks awful from how much you've bitten it for God knows how long. Your hair disheveled together with your now wrinkled clothes.

Harry on the other hand looks calm - too calm for your liking and you wanna scream at him for still looking so good even though you know he's also just as tense as you, maybe even more, but you can't. Not on one of the most special occasions in his life.

Tonight is the release date of his second solo album "Fine Line". You couldn't fathom how much sleepless nights he went through just to produce this - along with the crew and you couldn't be any less prideful. Harry has been so hands on, from the tunes, to the lyrics, to the instrumentals, to the photo shoot for the album cover, and even in the promo of the album.

You know everything he went through just to make it to his success right now. All the hardships, the pain, the tears, the laughter, the love - you've been there every step of the way. You never left him like how he left her.

And on that note, you felt like it's unfair if you get to hear the album first. Yes, you're there throughout the making but you never heard all of it. Harry insisted that you listen to the album after he's done recording it and as much as you'd love to, you politely declined and protested to just hear it along with the rest of the world, to which he agreed to.

There's just this thrill you're looking for, the thrill of having something you've wanted for a long time. The desire. The hunger. The yearn of hearing it for the first time after waiting for endless nights.

It's like being away from Harry and waiting in your room, longing for his touch, his kiss, his voice, and his presence and when he comes back - all of those explodes within you and it leaves you with the magical feeling that you couldn't feel anywhere else.

The process has been painful for you. He recorded in a different country and you had to do long distance again. At first it was fine but as the weeks passed, it got harder and harder for the both of you - being away from each other - so H insisted that you flew across the world to join him.

You didn't hesitate to say yes but even then, Harry always stays at the studio for days and comes home only for him to leave again but you understand. It's his work and you knew what you signed up for when you became his girlfriend and you vowed to yourself to fight and do everything you can for this relationship.

He was great though, took you on dates when he can and tried to spend as much time as he can with you because he knows that after the release of his album, the interviews will surely be nonstop and he'll be away again to plan for his promotional tour. You'd wake up with cute notes more often than not, flowers were also delivered almost everyday to where you two are staying.

But you felt it. You felt that he was slowly slipping away. You know it deep inside but you pretended not to notice. Too afraid of being kicked out of this world you created for the two of you. But perhaps he never really slipped away because maybe he was never truly yours in the first place.

Harry is so excited for you to hear his second baby so when the alarm clock went off, he quickly refreshed the website and played the first song. Golden.

You love the vibe. It's only the first song but you know that it'll be added to your personal playlist to jam with. He was looking at you the whole time, gauging your reaction but stayed quiet. The living room's filled with his voice and the lively instrumentals until the outro.

Maybe you're wrong. Maybe he wasn't slipping away and maybe he was truly yours before - and until now. Maybe it was just your mind playing tricks on you. Maybe, just maybe. A fifty - fifty chance for everything you don't know but you didn't let it eat you.

Next, the Watermelon Sugar. It is the song you knew will be a single and will have a music video. Just because you haven't heard the album before doesn't mean it stops Harry from sharing details here and there to you.

Your thoughts ran wild with thought of what the music video could be. The song is everything and you couldn't stop humming along with it and based on your reactions, he knew that he made the right choice of picking it as a single.

He's still yours. He loves you and he never slipped through your fingertips. You're most likely forcing yourself to believe it and so far it's working but you know you have to talk to Harry about the two of you sooner or later because it's not healthy for your health at all - the uncertainty that's currently laying in your persona.

The next two songs - Adore You and Lights Up - are the one's you've already heard before since those are the two that have a music video that came out before his album. Adore You is your favorite song. You're maybe being biased but the song just gives you great energy and you absolutely adored the concept of the video, as well as Harry's looks.

But the Lights Up hits different. You were there when they shoot it but you were sick so you didn't get go watch how they did it and you remembered watching the video for the first time and getting really really bothered by it that Harry had to take you to the nearest ice cream shop to calm you down. Your boyfriend looked so hot in it.

You're enjoying the album so far and you're almost too sure that nothing is wrong - or so you thought. It's silly but for some reason you felt like your relationship lies on this album.

Cherry came next, before, you thought it's gonna be upbeat like the Watermelon Sugar and Kiwi but oh boy, it's the opposite. It's not only the tune. It's the song itself that made you wanna walk out of the room.

You love songs like this, the type of songs that cuts deep within your soul. The type of song that can make you cry instantly but this is different.

You know the song is about her and if it the lyrics wasn't enough to slap you in the face, the voicemail at the end surely did. But this one hits different. Maybe it's because it shows you that Harry is not entirely yours in your relationship and that something inside him longs wants to have her again and it hurts. It crushes you but you're staying strong because like before, it's not certain - a maybe, there's still a chance and you're clinging into that like your life depends on it.

You couldn't look up. You know Harry is watching you. He tried to hide the outro, he almost clicked the button for the next track but you held your hand as a sign to stop. He couldn't hide it from you. The outro is still ringing in your ears like it's coming to get you. You can't. You just simply can't. Her voice with his giggles made you wonder what's running through his mind when he decided to put the voicemail.

You tried to hold your emotions and waited for the next song to start but it didn't get any better. Falling made your tears fall, finally. And when your boyfriend asked you if you're okay, the only response you told him was that, "you were so good with this it's making me really emotional", and he bought it.

He bought your lie. You don't know if you shall be happy or not. Happy because you wouldn't need to explain yourself further or sad because Harry believed it instantly without even asking if you're really okay for the second time.

The chorus hits different. You're baffled at how much emotion he put in that particular song. It felt so wrong but you couldn't do anything about it. You're sad. You're hurt. You don't know what will happen next. So you did what you do best - pretend that everything is alright.

Your mind was absent through the next two songs - To Be So Lonely and She. You still can't get over from the previous songs and it guilt you that you couldn't appreciate these songs as much as it shall be appreciated. All you know is that if Harry made it, it's fucking incredible.

He did mention to you in a low voice that To Be So Lonely is one of his favorites and oh you fucking wonder why but you didn't say it out loud, you kept quiet and pretended that you're analyzing every second of the song. And when he told you that She could be added to your love-making playlist, you only nodded.

The thought of it being added to your love-making playlist sickens you to the core specially now that you're almost too certain that this one is also about her, though you didn't reprimanded.

You tried to compose yourself along with the next song Sunflower, Vol. 6. You faked being happy just for the sake of this day. Yes, it is a happy and loving song but you couldn't enjoy it without overanalyzing the lyrics and the same goes to the next song Canyon Moon.

Who is the "Sunflower" Harry is referring to? You or her? Who will he be coming home to? Will he come running into your arms or will he seek warm in her presence? You hate to question it and you hate feeling this way but you're far too deep and you just wanted to get this night over.

Treat People with Kindness reminded you of your childhood cartoon theme songs and it eased you out. It also made you smile for the first time since Cherry and you could tell that Harry's relieved. It was the first time you looked up from the carpet and you almost thought that the next song is your saving grace. It's the final song anyway.

And it is. The only problem is that the song is you right now. Fine Line. The chorus kept repeating and it made you question your relationship. Is your relationship a fine line? Will the two of you be alright?

Thank God it's the last song because you couldn't wait to ask Harry something that really bothered you tonight. You need to know for your sake and for the sake of this relationship.

You'll be lying if you said you only shed a tear on the last song. No, you sobbed and Harry tried to console you and asked what's wrong and its now or never.

Harry beat you to speaking first though, he asked you why did you cried and you only told him, "I'm so proud of you and I couldn't stop my tears from flowing and I love you so much.", which is not a lie but not the whole truth either.

He only nodded and kissed your forehead as a way of saying his thanks. You're certain that he can feel that you're tired so he chooses to stay quiet and you know that he's already planning for a day off for the both of you tomorrow so you can properly tell him your thoughts on his album.

You we're about to ask him. Ask him if he still loves her but the tune of his phone ringing made you stop. He silently asked you if it's alright to answer it and you agreed.

The next few minutes was his friends and families calling and congratulating him. You don't wanna be bitter or be a mood disruptor but you just really want to think and be alone right now, after all, you deserved it. You signed Harry that you will go upstairs to take a rest and he whispered "I love you" but you only nodded and started walking to the stairs.

He didn't notice that you didn't say it back. He was too caught up with the people on his screen. His cheerful voice rang throughout the ground floor as he talks to the other person on the other line.

You don't wanna think about it as you lay down on your shared bed but you couldn't stop thinking about how much of a possibility for her to call him to congratulate him for the success of his second album. You couldn't stop thinking of how they might talk about their relationship. You couldn't stop thinking if Harry will ask her to come back if she did call. You couldn't stop thinking.

You took your phone from your beside table to open Twitter. Harry and his album is trending and praises after praises we're posted in different languages but most of those are about them. Harry and her.

You're numb.

It is now clear to you that the whole album is about her. You never asked or wished to have a song written about you but you also never expected him to dedicate the album solely to her, his ex from two years ago. You get it, you really do. The best songs came from the writers' personal experiences but to basically tell the world that he still wants her breaks you into pieces.

There gotta be at least one line about you. You, the one he is with now and not her. You, the one who's loving him now, not her. You, the one who didn't leave him unlike her. It's you and not her.

But no matter how much you repeat it in your mind, you know it's not you. You love Harry and you tried. Tried supporting him through the day much like all the other days but it's so hard when the universe already shot you with the truth.

You're still proud of him, it will never change but you need something. You have to have something to hold on to because right now you're only grasping to this very little hope that might save your relationship. You're proud but hurt and you hate yourself for not being there. None of it is about you. It's about her. Her and him. Her and Harry. Never you and Harry.

He never even warned you that the album is about her, it seems like he wanted to surprise you but you know he's not cruel but maybe you're just trying to defend him from yourself.

Or maybe he didn't thought you'd think this way. After all he doesn't put meanings behind his songs so you couldn't really get any answer from having him explain to you every song.

Your own interpretation's more than enough though. He still wants her. Maybe he did became yours even just for a second but his love for her is eternal and so he slipped away. You couldn't pretend anymore - not now when you're alone and you can show your emotions, so you sobbed.

You cried for you and Harry. You cried for what you thought was something so beautiful and unbreakable. You cried for what would've been a great night for the both of you and last but not the least, you cried for your uncertain tomorrow.

Tomorrow when you wake up, you don't know if Harry still wants you, you don't know if you can fix this, you don't know if you can still be with him.

Now, you realized it. Tomorrow there might be nothing, no world where only the two of you exists because tomorrow might be the end. The thought of that made you cried harder than you already are. It's so unfair. You love him so much but it doesn't seem enough and no matter how many excuses you naïvely say to yourself, you know it couldn't change the fact that it's her and him - it has always been her and him.

You're too tired and just wanted to sleep, hopefully get a clearer view out of all of this when you wake up.

_____

[shirtlesssammy]

2x13: Houses of the Holy

Providence, Rhode Island

A woman sits in the dark, smoking cigarettes, and watching TV.

The lights start to flicker and the television flickers back to an evangelical preaching. Her house starts shaking and her angel statues start falling. There’s suddenly a bright light and the woman watches it in awe. 

Sam Winchester, decked out in white scrubs, greets his patient, Gloria. Sam wants to talk to her about what she saw that night. Gloria tells him that she stabbed a man in the heart “because it was God’s will.” Sam wants to know if God talked to her (too busy fucking with your life, Sam) but she says no and that an angel came to her. The angel told her that the man she stabbed was guilty. She needed no other proof to do it. 

Sam later finds Dean enjoying some music and magic fingers. 

Dean’s on lockdown because he robbed a bank in Milwaukee. They discuss the case. It really seems that Gloria is just a religious nutjob. And Sam would agree if she wasn’t the second person in town to have murdered someone because an angel told them to. “Supernatural maybe. But angels? I don't think so,” Dean insists. BLESS. 

They then have a very fun conversation about how unicorns don’t exist (And Truly, BLESS Andrew Dabb. This dude took this one off joke and made it reality.) In any event, Dean firmly doesn’t believe in angels. (In a far off voice I hear: This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith.) 

Once they stop arguing about angels, they decide to check out the victim, Carl’s place. They head to the basement to see what secrets he had hidden. 

Sam finds scratch marks on the wall. On a closer inspection, he also finds a fingernail. They start digging up the dirt floor and find a skeleton. 

In a lonely apartment, a man lays on his bed, drinking himself to oblivion. His lights start flickering and the room starts shaking. Suddenly there’s a bright light.

Cut to the man, Zach, walking to another house and stabbing a dude right in the gut. 

Dean’s listening to the police scanner when Sam walks back to the motel room with food. He also has news that three people disappeared from the library where Carl worked. Dean has other news --the not-angel struck again. 

They head out to the victim’s house and sneak inside. Sam hacks into the dude’s computer and Dean browses his catalog collection. Sam finds locked emails that turn out to be to an underage girl. 

Dean is baffled by this spirit or demon they’re dealing with. Sam points out it’s like an avenging angel. Oh, Sam, if you only knew angels are dicks. Dean connects the two victims --they both go to the same church. 

They meet with the priest posing as new parishioners. They discuss this whole angel crap but the priest is a believer (obv.) and talks openly with Sam about what angels are thought to be like. They look at a painting of Michael, the archangel, while the priest describes his belief that they’re “more loving, than wrathful.” 

As they’re leaving, Dean notices a memorial on the steps of the church. It’s for Father Gregory, who was shot there two months prior in a carjacking. Dean thinks they’re dealing with a vengeful spirit, but Sam still humors the angel aspect of it all. Dean knows that Sam prays everyday (and I sit weeping in the corner, thinking of Purgatory.)

An angel statue begins to quake. Sam looks at it with curiosity, only to be overtaken by awe as bright light suffuses the room. He passes out. 

“I saw an angel,” Sam gasps to his brother later. He reports that the angel spoke to him and told him to kill a man. The kicker is, the doomed guy on Sam’s hit list hasn’t actually committed any crime...yet. Dean’s unimpressed by Sam “Minority Report” Winchester’s insistence that he’s been chosen by the angels and God for this mission. I give Dean a high five, then methodically throw rocks through every single one of my windows as I think about the next thirteen seasons. 

Their mom used to tell them every night that angels were watching over them. “She was wrong,” Dean says bitterly, “There’s no higher power. There’s no God. There’s just chaos. Violence. Random unpredictable evil that comes outta nowhere. Rips you to shreds. You want me to believe in this stuff? I’m gonna need to see some hard proof.” (I gallantly resist making a dirty joke about Castiel’s “hard proof.”) 

Ahem. Anyway, Dean’s solid on the ghost theory. At the priest’s crypt they find wormwood growing - it’s a sign of a restless spirit. LOLLLL early seasons. Sam agrees to hold a seance. 

They head out of a corner grocery a little while later, stocked with SpongeBob mats and candles for the seance, when Sam sees THE SIGN. Light glows around his mark - the guy he’s supposed to kill. While Ace of Base plays in my head, Sam makes a move  to kill - er, stop - the ghost-tagged perp. Looking to forestall Sam’s murder-to-be, Dean tells Sam to run the seance and tails Sam’s suspect on his own. Dean watches the guy pick up a date, and then they’re off again.

Meanwhile, Sam’s obediently running the seance.

The priest appears in the crypt, horrified to see what looks like THE VERY DEVIL WORSHIP taking place. “I can explain,” Sam says before utterly failing to explain anything. And then light fills the room. The priest wonders if it’s an angel, but Sam sorrowfully notes that it’s only Father Gregory’s ghost. 

The glowing angelic vision suddenly distills into a normal human figure. Father Gregory wonders why Sam isn’t killing his marked man. After all, he’s an angel and he commanded it! Sam glumly explains that NO, Father Gregory is just a normal ectoplasm-slinging ghost. 

Dean loses the trail of the marked man, while Father Gregory explains that his kill orders are redemption for the killers and every one of his marks is guilty. “This is vengeance. This is wrong,” the older priest declares and I look VERY HARD at the rest of the show. 

Meanwhile, the guy Dean was tailing parks his car in an abandoned alley and attempts to attack his date. JAB HIM IN THE EYEBALLS, LADY! Dean bashes his head in just in time and saves the date. The guy drives off and Dean follows quickly on his tail.

The old priest offers last rites to Father Gregory, who begins to flicker. 

Sam watches in full puppy eyed mode as Father Gregory disappears, presumably to high five ghosts in Heaven. 

Dean chases the Bad Guy through the streets until a truck pulls out in front of Bad Guy’s car. A metal pole bounces off the truck, pierces the windshield, and impales the guy right in the chest. 

Later, Sam morosely packs his bag back at the motel. 

For What the Fuck is this Motel Room Design Science:

Sam’s sad that there wasn’t an angel watching out for people on Earth. Dean pulls out his flask, takes a big swig, and promises to watch out for Sam. “You’re just one person,” Sam tells him. He’d hoped there was a higher power guiding their lives. One who’d grant Sam salvation. 

“Knocking on Heaven’s Door” starts to play, while Dean confesses his current emotional state. He proposes that the insane way the Bad Guy died MIGHT have been God’s will. I kick Chuck right in the nuts. 

Quakin’ Quotes:

Aw, dammit! That was my last quarter. Hey! You got any quarters?

There's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams and they shoot rainbows out of their ass

You’ve got faith. I’m sure it makes things easier

One of the perks of the job. We don’t need to operate on faith

Men cannot be angels

There’s so much evil in the world, Dean. I feel like I could drown in it.

 Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[forzafinally]

I'm a different anon and you can not post this if you don't want to.

Frankly this last year I've been getting annoyed with Harry because it just seems it's constantly one "bad choice" after the another. It's not a thing about pedastal because I don't put people in my real life whom I know on a pedastal so I'm definitely not gonna do it for a stranger because in my experience everyone is grey and not black and white

But with him jumping countries in middle of a pandemic ( and It's not like the whole of celebrity class was doing it. Many were BUT many did take a conscious decision to stay home. So no it was not all celebrities ) to doing my policeman signed at the same time of the BLM posts of his to breaking covid norms multiple times to being mum about the tickets people payed for because the tour is not happening rn the August shows aren't happening he isn't practicing with his band. They are all at different places to this new scandal ( even though it's his personal life but still it seems like a pattern in his behaviour ). And about music and fashion....I don't think we're getting music for a years and he's been a Gucci manequin for a while the fashion he had was all left in hs1 era

Idk it just seems like he's so out in touch with reality that I can't even enjoy his content because lately every single thing has been just a big flag about how out of it he really is.

I'm putting my answer below the cut so that I don't spam the dash

Your points are valid. Funnily enough the breaking point so to speak for me, was the covid merch he was selling in April last year. At that time I had just started working in the covid wards in my hospital and it was a mentally exhausting experience for me to see so much death for the first time in my life as a 23 year old. And then this rich white man drops a t-shirt saying "this t-shirt fights covid 19"??? The sheer audacity of it baffled me. It was one of the few times I've genuinely seen red because you're actually profiting off a worldwide pandemic. What the hell were you thinking.

Apart from my personal feelings regarding the matter many people had lost their jobs at the time and it was so callous to drop new merch then. Ofc you can argue that no one is obligated to buy merch. But I mean we all know how stan culture works don't we. Also Harries were dragging Louis for dropping merch just a couple of weeks before but suddenly it was radio silence all around because it was Harry dropping merch so it was apparently okay.

It did put me off the fandom for a long time yk but that's also probably why I'm so desensitized to what he does regarding his pandemic travels and the my policeman movie or even the way he hasn't given you guys a proper update about tour because he's living in a different reality than we are(see : not having to worry about money or racism).

Ofc everyone has a different limit. I chose to stay for my reasons. You are valid if you choose to leave for your own. There's no right or wrong answer. But whatever you decide to do I support you because unless you really go out of your way to block things out it's very easy to get bitter with the whole thing and at the end of the day your happiness is what should matter for you more than any celebrity

[theymakemegayer]

Reputation: Chapter 9

a/n: uhhh maybe get some tissues first 🤣

also sharing to you guys that Maniac by Conan Gray was a huge inspiration boost for this chapter

Chapter 1-8 here

(EDIT: sorry I forgot again ugh)

Taglist: @crazzyplays @riptideyun @baexpoppy @save-me-the-last-dance @dopeyouth

======================

The next day, after that encounter I had with Poppy - me and Zoey were sitting at the picnic table and peacefully enjoying our lunch. 

 My eyes darted again towards Poppy and her clique. They were laughing, really just a normal sight on a weekday lunch break. Suddenly Poppy looked at my direction. I froze, not really sure what to do. She averted first, her smile dropping and was replaced by a frown. 

 I sighed. Forget her Bea.

 "Hey are you alright?" Zoey laid her hand on my arm, bringing me back to the present.

 I smiled weakly, "Y-yeah."

 Before Zoey can even question me more, a static sound echoed. It caught all of the student’s attention. A hush fell as a group of students stood at the middle. They were carrying a portable speaker and mic. A girl walked in front from the group. Expect almost all of the students in Belvoire to dress up like they were about to catwalk on a stage. She was wearing a black designer dress which hugged her figure perfectly and compliments her pale skin tone.  She had a jet black hair tied up into a ponytail. A confident smile was on her lips.

 "Listen up Belvoire!" She started to speak on the mic, "It's Persephone Dalton here," She paused her eyes darting on my direction smirking, "We've all been having fun through the past few weeks courtesy of our clown Newbie here," She gestured at my direction, "Let me just say, that hog calling video was sensational." Her smile turned into a Cheshire cat. "So me and my friends decided why not turn up the fun?"

 My eyes grew wide, "What the f--" I stopped myself from fully cursing. I looked frantically at Zoey, "Who the hell is she?" I asked in panic and annoyance. I can definitely feel the bad news this girl brought oozing out of her.

 "She's one of the elites. She's in the top 15 Bea."

 I groaned.

 "Now to share to you guys the debut of another one of my remixes," Persephone spoke again, "Here's my latest dub step remix." She grinned at my directions, "Thanks a lot, Bea Hughes." She tapped something on her phone. A heavy beat music mixed with a familiar squeals played through the Bluetooth speaker they brought along.

 I gaped at this Persephone. I can feel my cheeks blazed with embarrassment and anger. Laughter and murmurs surrounded me. I wanted to go to her and stop her. I wanted to fight her. I wanted to be mad - scratch that I was mad, but all I can think about was how the ground beneath me looked more interesting than people. How it would feel if this ground would do me a favour and swallowed me up. My legs felt numb. My eyes stung as I fought back the tears threatening to spill. I won't cry. I won't cry. I chanted as my mind swarmed with thoughts. I don't want to be me anymore, please. 

 I weakly looked up to give a glare at Persephone. In a blur I saw someone in pink marched towards Persephone and grabbed her phone. The music paused.

 My eyes grew wide as I realized who walked towards Persephone. Poppy...?

 "What the fuck are you doing?" Poppy's voice was dangerously low. Her voice can be heard through the mic Persephone was still holding.

 Persephone smiled, "Oh my god! Poppy Min-Sinclair. It's a great honour to talk to you. Did you like what I did? I was hoping you'll notice me after I do that." Her smile never faltered. Her eyes were gleaming as she waited for Poppy's response.

 I can see how Poppy was clenching her jaw, "First, are you done yapping now?

 Persephone gaped at Poppy, her smile dropping.

 When she didn't get an answer Poppy continued, "And second, did I ask you to that?"

 "N-No?" Persephone stuttered, while Poppy glared at her. "Then it means," Poppy gestured on the phone and the speaker, "I don't need this." Poppy grabbed the mic, "Heck, I can't believe you all." She turned and faced the students, "Are you really this stupid and cheap to find this hog calling video funny at all?"

 I dumbly stared at Poppy my mind blanked. What is she doing?

 She glared at the crowd around us, "Who even leaked the video?" She exclaimed as if she was on the verge of losing her patience. "I dare you to come to me. I might have a little present for you,” She smirked.

 "Besides," She whipped her head and looked at me, "I am the only one who is allowed to humiliate Farmsville here." She gave back the mic to Persephone after and not failing to glare at her.

 She looked at me once again. My heart was on my throat as our eyes locked. There were a million of emotions flashing on those brown eyes. She cut our eye contact first before I can even decipher any of those emotions.

 "What was that?" Zoey exclaimed after a few seconds of dead silence.

 "I don't know... I don't know Zo."

 Later that day, Zoey and I were lounging at our dorm - well I was lounging and Zoey was pacing back and forth while she continuously ranted, "What was that all about? I believe I wasn't the only one who thought she defended you!" She looked at me, "I am more worried now Bea. Is she trying to keep you close now? This is some sick mind games of hers."

 "Zoey..." I sighed, "Will you sit first, please?" I massaged my temples.

 Zoey sat in front of me in our small dinner table. She sighed, "Sorry Bea. I am just really baffled and I kept on thinking what her plan is this time."

 I chuckled dryly, "To be honest Zo, after that hog calling video I am just so tired of anything that is related to her. I don't even want to get close to her or be with her in a same room."

 "Oh then I guess I shouldn't remind you to stay away from her?" She cheekily smiled.

 I laughed, "Please I am tired of her."

 "It's just that I never saw Poppy doing something like this to her enemies before, and that was what freaks me out," Zoey told me.

 "I am confused too that it is starting to give me headaches."

 Zoey reached out and held my hand, "I hate that it comes to this now."

 "Maybe I can still talk to her, get an idea what is her plan." I stood up.

 "Wait what?" Zoey exclaimed, "Didn't we just agreed to stay away from her?"

 I sighed, "I need to talk to her, Zo."

 "Then I am coming with you," She stood up too.

 "Please Zo, I need to confront her, alone." I looked at Zoey in the eyes silently pleading.

 Zoey sighed, "Fine." She grumbled, "But please be careful."

 "I will Zo." I smiled and hugged her tightly - seeking for a small comfort as I ready myself to confront Poppy.

 *=*=*=*

 I walked up to Zeta House. I realized I don't have a solid plan on how I can sneak up on her room. As if the Heaven's heard me Taylor walked out from the Zeta House. 

 "Thank God!" I exclaimed as I walked towards Taylor, "Hey is Poppy in her room?" I asked once I was in front of her.

 "Oh, hi Bea! Yeah she is. I actually have some errands to run for her." She said smiling at me.

 "Oh great! And don't tell anyone you saw me today," I winked at her as I confidently walked towards the main door of the Zeta House.

 "Whatever you have in mind Bea, I wish you luck." 

 I looked over my shoulder at Taylor smiling, "Thanks!"

 I heaved a sigh of relief as I successfully sneaked inside. I walked stealthy towards Poppy's room. Once I was standing in front of Poppy's room. Thoughts swarmed my mind questioning my bravery. Am I ready to face her? What if this only hurts me more? My heart was buzzing on my ears - longing to see her. I took a deep breath trusting my worries would fade away as I breathe out. I was about to knock, but my fist halted midway. I clenched my fist, my thoughts screaming on my face. I can do this - came a single whisper.

 With one last ounce of bravery, I knocked twice.

 "Come in," I heard her muffled voice from the other side. My heart drummed on my chest - whether it was because I heard her voice or the nervousness creeping on me, I tried not to think of it.

 I reached out for the door knob, everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. I felt every emotion and heard every sound. I hold my breath as I twisted the door knob.

 I pushed open the door. My eyes tried to find her first in her huge room. She was lying on her bed reading some magazine. Her gazed shoot up. I gulped thickly as our eyes met. 

 Her eyebrow raise, "What are you doing here?" Her voice sounded higher than usual.

 "I..." I cleared my throat, "We need to talk."

 Poppy chuckled dryly, "Now you wanted to talk."

 I clenched my jaw, "Look I don't want to talk to you that bad either."

 Poppy huffed out a laugh that sounded bitter on my ears, "Alright then why the hell are you here? I didn't ask for a talk, but you said we need to talk. You are confusing Bea."

 "I am confusing?" I frowned. As I walked towards her I continued, "Excuse me. From the start I had been clear with my intentions to you."

 She looked at me in the eyes, the magazine she was reading a while ago forgotten beside her, "Yeah you were clear from the start, but how about your actions these past few days?"

 "What do you mean? Can't you see that was the result of what you did!" I yelled. "You fucking hooked up with me and then what? You backstabbed me after?" I laughed dryly. My eyes were stinging again. I clenched my jaw, "And then you suddenly act like you care and defend me a while ago. Look who is confusing."

 She glared at me pointedly. If only looks could kill. "Stop putting the blame on me." She said through gritted teeth.

 "Then stop acting like a jerk!" I yelled.

 "You are the jerk!" She yelled back.

 I gasped, "How am I the jerk here?"

 "Just shut up Bea!" 

 "Wha--" 

 All of a sudden she pulled me by my hand. The next thing I knew her lips were on mine. My lips tingled and a blazed as she bruised me with her kiss. It was demanding sucking out the air out of me. Her hands cupped my face, thumb caressing my face as she deepened the kiss. My thoughts were hazy while my heart combusted. 

 Poppy.

 Her scent was intoxicating. Her lips were soft and firm like the feelings she were igniting in me. 

 Poppy.

 Her name was a prayer, and a scream into the fogginess of my thoughts. She consumed me. She took away another piece of me as she carved her name into another part of my heart.

 Poppy.

 She was now standing too. Her arms wrapped around my waist pulling me close to her. Her warmth filled me up. I thread my fingers on her hair, caressing as I kissed her with the same intensity.

 Poppy.

 She betrayed me...

 The spell was broken, as the reality pierced through me. I stopped kissing her and pushed her back.

 We were both panting for air. She opened her eyes and looked at me with intensity I never seen before. 

 "Why did you kiss me?" I asked while I used the back of my hand to wipe away the feelings she imprinted on my lips.

 She scoffed, "You are an idiot."

 "Poppy I am tired of you."

 She laughed dryly, "I guess it didn't occur to you that I can be tired too. One moment you made me feel like you like me and then the next you're acting cold."

 "Do I need to spell it out to you Poppy? You back stabbed me when you released that hog calling video. And you think I can still trust you after?"

 She laughed bitterly, "Bea stop being blind! I wasn't the one who released it!" She yelled in exasperation.

 I clenched my jaw and looked at her in the eyes, "Why should I believe you?"

 That left her speechless. I narrowed my eyes at her. I stepped closer and jabbed a finger on her chest, "I had always tried to see you more than your mean words or your mean attitude towards others. I tried so hard to see the real you. I thought I finally manage to." I paused as I wiped away the tears that were streaming down on my face, "But what happened? You only used my vulnerability and attacked me Poppy. Maybe... maybe that was the real you all along I just fooled myself that there was more to it."

 I let my tears fell as I stare at her. She was not showing any emotion. Even her eyes were cold. She was only proving me that I was right.

 "Now answer me, why should I believe you?" I asked again. A single whisper beneath my chest was hoping she would prove me wrong.

 She remained silent as she stared at me.

 I sighed and took a step back. I laughed dryly, "I thought so too. Your silence just proved so many things. Goodbye Poppy."

 I turned around quickly, not wanting to let her see how broken I was. I run out of her room. My tears were uncontrollable by now. It was like my heart was being split into two. My chest was aching as I run towards my dorm.

 My mind was in a mess and I didn't care around my surroundings until I bumped into someone. 

 "Oh sorry," I murmured ready to leave, but the person I bumped to held my arm. 

 I stopped and quickly wiped the tears on my face before I looked at the person.

 "Oh Benji," I spoke, "Sorry I wasn't looking where I was going."

 "Hey, Bea are you alright?" He asked worriedly.

 "Yeah," I plastered the fakest smile I can master. 

 He was standing a little too close for my comfort. That was when I get a whiff of his perfume. Why does he smell like my perfume. A realization hit me. This morning I can't find my perfume - my heart dropped at my stomach at the possibility.

 "Are you sure?" He asked bringing me back to the present.

 I slowly pulled my arm from his hold. "Yeah," I nodded. 

 "You know if you need anyone to talk to, I can listen." He smiled at me.

 I contemplated. Maybe this is my chance to find out if my gut feel is right. I stifled a sigh as I spoke, "Alright Benji. Why don't we hang out in your room?"

 We arrived at his room which was a little smaller than my dorm. 

 "Oh..." I uttered as my eyes scanned his room which was simpler than my dorm.

 "I am here on a full scholarship, and this is the room they gave me," He told me.

 "Wow that is actually harsh."

 He smiled at me, "I know you can see my struggles. Ever since you stood up towards Poppy I knew you would make a difference here at Belvoire. I've been following everything that's been happening between you and Poppy on the The T."

 "Have you now?" I replied nonchalantly as I tried to find my perfume bottle, but Benji stepped in front of me.

 "Totally! You're the best thing that happened in this school." He exclaimed.

 "You think?"

 "There's no question about it. Poppy is probably jealous because you're much prettier and smarter than her."

 I smiled at him, "Benji you know I'm just an average person right?"

 "See you're also humble! Something Poppy lacks. You also stood up to her and Chloe since day one. You even humiliated her on Kick Off Day. And you're nice to her assistant."

 I smiled, "I did all of that huh?"

 "The school is catching up and they can finally see what I see. The future is you Bea." He grinned.

 Okay... That irked me.

 "Actually I've been thinking of ways we can outshine Poppy and her goons,” He continued.

 Hold up. We? I raised an eyebrow as he continued telling me about his plan.

 "Benji," I tried to cut him off, but he only continued.

 "Benji," I tried again, but it was as if he hadn't heard me.

 "Benji!" I said a little louder this time which finally caught his attention.

 He jumped on his spot. He's totally giving me weird uncomfortable vibes.

 I plastered a smile as I speak, "Benji, would you be a doll and run to the dining commons to get me something special. I've been dying to try out their new iced cranberry oolong."

 "But--"He was about to counter, but I cut him off.

 "Benji. I'm parched." I coughed. 

 Panic was written all over his face as he scrambled out of his room murmuring, "Coming right up."

 I swept my gaze around his room. I still failed on finding my perfume bottle when my eyes landed on his computer desktop. Wouldn't be bad sneaking through it, I guess.

 As I browsed through the folders I landed on a folder named 'Poppy's Pathetic truth'. I clicked on it and found evidence after evidence of Poppy and Bradley's dating were fake. 

 I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. Somehow my chest felt lighter as the truth sunk into me. They aren't really dating.

 Still a little daze I tried to look more into Bemji's files and found files and folders about me. That was when I spotted something on the corner of the bedside table. My perfume! I walked towards his bed.

 "Is this really mine?" I uttered. The strong smell of my perfume just got stronger. I took his pillow and tried to take a sniff. The strong smell of my perfume wafted in me.

 "No." I uttered in shock.  My heart dropped in my stomach. I flung his pillow across the room knocking his closet door slightly ajar. A chill run my spine when I spot a very familiar red lace from inside.

 "Oh hells! It better be not what I think it is," I mumbled as I took shaking steps towards his closet.

 My hands were shaking as I opened his closet. 

 A disturbing smell and image welcomed me. The smell of rotten food wafted my senses. Benji had a shrine for me, made out of rotten food and my stolen belongings like my comb and red lacy bra. 

 "Hello Bea. I see you found my adoration station," Suddenly Benji’s voice rang behind me.

[chalkrevelations]

OK, so, episode reax of WoH Ep 4 is briefly delayed – may be out Sunday, but more likely post M-W workweek. It is coming. Meanwhile, have some more Street Dance of China? S3, Ep 2.

First of all, I have to say that if I had any way of figuring out what some of this music is, I’d have a new Spotify playlist 300 songs long.

ANYWAY, we get a recap of … Wang Yibo being incredulous about coming in last place in a dance competition. Wang Yibo vowing to get back the three colorful towels he lost by coming in last place in a dance competition and therefore can’t use to send three more of his team’s dancers on to the next round. Hip-hop freestyle battles for TOWELS. Wang Yibo getting his colorful towels back. Ridiculous unnecessary drama over whether Lay Zhang is going to win his battle and get EVEN MORE colorful towels, given his competition is Wallace Chung (oh dear. that was kind of blunt.). And that’s what you missed on Glee Street Dance of China 3 Ep 1.

 Snapshots of what’s coming up this week: Everyone has shot their wad on towels and is sweating the fact that they have 59 more dancers they want to send through to the next round and a single towel left. (I TOLD YOU SO. ALL OF YOU.) The only way to get more towels is to battle for them. A hip-hop battle has NEVER BEEN SO IMPORTANT.

Cutting here, I guess, for ridiculously detailed nattering. Hashtag long post (remorseful):

Team Lay Zhang: First of all, Lay Zhang, I just have to note that you’re getting an edit that doesn’t make you look like the brightest bulb in the box. I don’t know if this is just the edit, or if it’s … well. You. I guess we’ll see as the season goes on. Also, in the interim, I have found out that you also are Zhang Yixing, which a lot of your fandom seems to actually call you, so should I call you Yixing instead of Lay? You seem to be going by Lay for this show, so it seems polite to stick to that? Anyway. Gongsun Wu Ming & Hei Zai start us off this episode, and they get off to a little bit of a slow start, but once they pick up, they’ve got a lot of nice air in their moves, that effortless(-looking) almost anti-gravity effect that good breakers can get. Then we almost immediately get a series of ok, that’s fine, oh, wait, no, THAT is actually pretty mediocre poppers, none of whom gets a towel, thank god, because the supply has to be running low. And then Teng Zai appears, claiming to be the best popper, and … OK. OK, alright. Fine. He might be right. His technique and control are fantastic, but you want to know what really sells me, in the middle of this generally fantastic performance? It’s that series of chest pops followed by the little heart held out right on the fk’n music. It’s little details like that, that make or break a performance, and he pulled it off beautifully. I went back to re-watch, it was so slick, yet so charming. OK, maybe I went back to watch more than once. You can’t prove anything. (Also, he gets called their little “Ares” - in quotes, in the subs – by other contestants, more than once, but I can’t pick out the actual sound of that name, which makes me think the subbers have inserted “Ares” as something that will give the flavor of what he’s actually being called. My 1st level Duolingo Mandarin is absolutely not enough to figure out what people are actually calling him, so is there anyone who’s able to give me some insight, here?) Aaaand, Towel Battle 1 (see Footnote 1). Post-battle, we’ve reached the point when all the captains are sweating their lack of towels, so e’rybody is just going to have to battle for towels from here on out. Yuan Ye faces Momo, and a little bit, this is where I expect the knife fight to start (Momo’s bringing the knife). I’m honestly not that impressed with either of them and probably would have saved my towel for someone else, but Lay Zhang decides to send them both through, so what’s the point of a battle to begin with? BUT THEN (dun-dun-dun) some dude calling himself Bon shows up to really cut a bitch, waves away both Yuan Ye and Momo to the sidelines, describes himself as “a boom” and proceeds to give a performance that imo is kind of mushy and all over the place. Lay Zhang looks a little taken aback as Bon sort of grinds up on him but can’t even really commit to that, just before Lin Zi Jie shows up. Lay Zhang makes Zi Jie change his coat - thank god, because you can’t see half of what he’s doing and he actually seems like the most towel-worthy performance out of this whole cluster of flail – and asks for a freestyle battle, which turns out to not be that great on Bon’s or Zi Jie’s parts, actually. I feel like the dance vocabulary here is kind of limited, and we’re left with a bunch of hip-shaking, grinding, and supposedly seductive looks, which is NOT going to cut it in the battles we’ve seen already. Towels to Momo and Zi Jie, rather than putting them in reserve and waiting to see who else shows up, which I think is probably a mistake, but OK, I’m not a pop idol with the clout to star on this show, so. (I know what I like to watch, tho’, and none of that was it.) A promise to Yuan Ye that she gets a Battle Towel. Time for Towel Battle 3 (See Footnote 3).

Team Wallace Chung: So, first off, there’s George, who dances before he’ll introduce himself, and I guess I have to respect a guy who’s going to let his performance be his introduction. And then we get a series of OK that’s fine but not really great poppers, and Wallace, unlike Lay, is handing out towels like candy. OK, my man. If that’s really what you want to do, I guess, but it doesn’t seem like the greatest idea to me. You’re also really fucking with the morale of the dancers who haven’t performed yet, who are gradually realizing that you’re going to run out of towels before you even get to them. Hilariously (for me, if not the contestants), I paused at this point to go refresh my bourbon and managed to freeze on a random contestant, identified as Wei Ming - who I don’t know if we’ll ever get to see actually perform, but he deserves the bolded name for this, alone – looking baffled and concerned, with the English subtitle on his comment reading “Sir, what are you thinking?” I suspect he is not using “Sir” in the sense that I use it when my cat (or Zhang Zhehan) has done something appallingly adorable, but rather when the cat has knocked yet another gd pen off my desk while I’m trying to take notes, just to be a bastard for attention. (OTOH, I guess if you weren’t one of the dancers bold enough to swarm up there in the first couple of hours, you take what you get. Fortuna fortes adiuvat.) We finally get to Lin Meng, whose reputation precedes him, but seriously, if Wallace is just handing out towels to every popper, what does it even mean? Wallace – Wallace – proceeds to basically call Lin Meng an old man before making him bargain for a towel, which is a shame, because Lin Meng deserves to get not only this towel but the four towels you just gave away to some guys who should still be holding Lin Meng’s jacket, Wallace. I mean, seriously, this guy’s technique is fantastic. Even if he does fumble his jacket lapel that one time. Aaaand, Towel Battle 1 (see Footnote 1). Post battle, we get A.K. Dong, who’s got some excellent musicality and a face that apparently resembles a variety show star (Hank Chen?). I mean, I guess it gets him noticed, but it sucks that it seems to overshadow his dancing, because he’s really good. Then we notice our towels are running low, and everybody is just going to have to battle it out. Wallace promises the Battle Towel to some dude who we don’t see perform and don’t get a name for, and with my prognisticatory skills, I’m going to say we won’t need to know his name, because this is the last we’ll see of him. Time for Towel Battle 3 (See Footnote 3).

Team Wang Yibo: First up, we get Bing, whose reputation precedes him, prompting other teams to look around and wonder what all the commotion is about. Bing has a motorbike moment with Yibo, before giving a performance that starts off the tiniest bit mushy before he puts some fantastic technique on display. Yibo pulls out his Perpetual Student schtick and asks for some freestyle with some motorbike elements, which at first makes me suspect you might be fucking with this guy just a little bit, Yibo, but Bing is both game and versatile, and he eventually gets his towel, along with a wish from Yibo to ride together sometime, and oh. (As we say, in A Very Significant Tone, on AO3.) All of that was flirting. OK. On the heels of Yibo giving me yet another clue as to his taste in men, we roll into a seriously uncomfortable segment that stomps all over my embarrassment squick because they’ve cut together several women to look desperate and starstruck and comical and dumb, while Yibo looks increasingly uncomfortable, and I am super not down with this, show. I’ll admit that from what we can see, none of them are great dancers, but I suspect there were a lot of not-great male dancers, too, and I just. Ick. This was unnecessary, you haven’t done it to any of the other captains, and it frankly doesn’t make Yibo look that great, when you set his reactions here against the fact that not only have we not seen approval from him for any female contestants so far, but this segment is the only interaction we’ve seen from him with any female contestants so far. Hard on the heels of this segment, we get Chick, who is very good when he wants to be but also super-extra and annoying, and who fucks around more than he really dances, but the audience seems charmed with him, and Yibo doesn’t give him any of the smackdown he deserves, which doesn’t improve my impression of the previous segment, given the varied ways Yibo iced out some of the women. Meanwhile, Jackson Wang strolls over, and Yibo acts super weird about it, for a guy who was the first one to wander into someone else’s territory, which was – oh, yeah, I remember, Jackson’s – to watch his dancers, and Jackson says that he would give Chick a towel before heading back to his own street, and then Yibo does, even though he fucks with him a little bit first, and then there’s a bit of footage cut in of Yibo making dumbass excuses for this guy, so. I’m not entirely feeling you right now, Yibo. Also, all of this is certainly doing nothing to disabuse me of the notion that you’re about 1000000x more comfortable in homosocial situations, for whatever reason. Anyway, we then get a montage of Yibo handing out some towels to various dancers (including a woman, finally, although she’s intercut with some other people and doesn’t actually get a full segment of her own), and then we get Tao and Cici, who are both good, but Yibo now discovers that he only has three towels and there are two people standing in front of him, so he gives a towel to Tao and promises one to Cici after the next towel battle, which, yeah, Tao is probably better, but this is a hell of time to decide to be circumspect with your towels, Yibo, when you can leave a woman sitting on the sidelines but send her husband through to the next round. :hands: Anyway, it’s time for Towel Battle 2 (See Footnote 2), and I do have to give Yibo props, again, for his teambuilding, because he takes a minute to say, hey, there aren’t a lot of towels left, and there are quite a few of you, so what we’re going to do is all go over there together, and get another towel, as a team. Post-battle, Yibo is still concerned about his lack of towels, and everyone left is going to have to battle it out, although, frankly, the way Yibo’s been going on about how much he likes battles, I sort of think he might secretly be a tiny bit excited about this. He ends up putting person after person into reserve, waiting to see everyone, probably, and then Meng Di shows up, and she’s already got the rest of the group behind her. They know her, they know she has cochlear implants, they respond immediately when she shushes them so she can hear Yibo and the music, they call for the DJ to turn up the music for her, they clap together to emphasize the beat. She’s smart enough to keep six feet between her and Yibo while she dances, so that she doesn’t spook him like the fragile and shy homosocial forest creature he apparently is. She immediately gets her cha cha on when her battle partner holds out his hand to lead her out for her turn. Good technique, even though there are a few bobbles. None of these four performances in the final battle are the best we’ve seen so far, but they’re solid. Yibo is clearly torn about what to do with his one towel, although the audience starts getting kind of insistent that he needs a waacker, and a female waacker at that, and he ends up making Bullet and Meng Di battle again. She’s performing for the audience at this point – I mean, she’s not even pretending about it, she spends most of this round facing them, with her back to Yibo - and she’s also versatile, genre-wise, so I think we can all see where this is going. I think he really wanted to give that towel to Bullet, who definitely is very good, but he knew that he’s painted himself into a corner where he ought to give it to Meng Di, so that he’s got some genre-versatility on the team, if nothing else. Towel to Meng Di, and a promise to Bullet to win another Battle Towel for him. Time for Towel Battle 3 (See Footnote 3).

Team Jackson Wang: First up is Bai, who apparently is a favorite from season one, but I haven’t seen season one – or season two - so I don’t have any history on any of these people. Bai is doing a bit, here, but he’s also generally got some good technique, so OK. Why are they blurring out his left wrist, though? Yang Yu Ting is really good, some more good technique, good musicality. And then we’re already on to Towel Battle 2 (See Footnote 2). Post-battle, we get Shen Kai Xiang, who apparently looks A LOT like Jack Ma, which seems to be little bit like if some Bill Gates-lookin’ mf’r showed up to audition for SYTYCD. Lyrical; good technique; much like Bai, appears to be doing a bit. And, then, as with all the captains, the dearth of towels sets in, and Jackson is going to put everyone in the gladiator ring and make them battle it out. Maybe we can win another Battle Towel. Time for Towel Battle 3 (See Footnote 3).

***

Footnote 1, AKA Towel Battle 1, Team Lay Zhang vs. Team Wallace Chung, 3v3: Team Lay Zhang is San Jin, who they throw up some B-roll on, since the show has spent no time on him so far although he seems to be in cahoots with Xiao Bao (see Ep 1 recap); Gongsun Wu Ming, who’s spoiling for a battle after no one would take him up on it during his initial performance; and Teng Zai, because I mean, come on. Team Wallace Chung is Lin Meng, which should be interesting, since he and Teng Zai are apparently from the same crew, George, and Qin Yu, who we not only haven’t seen before this, that I can remember, but don’t even get B-roll on while Wallace is talking strategy, unlike the other two. Qin Yu, this does not bode well for your future on the show, if they’re not even bothering to give you B-roll, let alone an edit. Both captains are very weird about introducing their dancers, like these guys are some big surprise and aren’t going to dance in front of everybody in a minute and half, anyway. Possibly this is some kind of attempt at a dominance display? I don’t know. It’s won by the host, anyway, who eventually enforces his will and gets some introductions out of the captains. Anyway, Gongsun is up first for Team Lay Zhang, and this dude is just fun to watch, with great musicality and flow, and Wallace’s face while watching him is a picture, let me tell you. He’s up on Qin Yu almost immediately, possibly sensing the weakest link of Team Wallace? Team Wallace counters with George, who’s not having any of that, and gets the first point for his team. Second round, Teng Zai is once again impeccable, so even though someone has lit a fire under George, who spends half his time upside down, he nevertheless loses the point to Teng Zai. Round three, Teng Zai and Lin Meng face off, and they’ve both got great technique, although I feel like Lin Meng has a slight edge there, but I also think Teng Zai did a better job of showcasing strength and control, so I’m not surprised when the judges go for another round, in which Teng Zai is still super-fun to watch and definitely on his game, but Lin Meng steps up with some incredible precision, so I’m a little surprised when the judges give it (unanimously) to Teng Zai and Team Lay Zhang. One more round, and Teng Zai … is maybe wearing down a little bit, coasting on this one, and oh, hey, we’re finally going to get to see Qin Yu, who has some nice fluidity but maybe doesn’t really match up to Teng Zai in the charisma department, which may be why we haven’t seen him before this, and also why he loses the round. Round, battle, and two towels to Team Lay Zhang, and we still haven’t seen more than 15 seconds of B-roll of San Jin. But wait! There’s still a moment to be had, in which Teng Zai suggests donating one of their towels to Team Wallace, namechecks love and peace as a vital part of street dance, and quite possibly cements his place in my – and everyone else’s - heart. Both sides go home with a towel.

Footnote 2, AKA Towel Battle 2, Team Wang Yibo vs. Team Jackson Wang, 3v3 captain-led battle: Oh, they get to choose a song for each other. This should be interesting. I feel like there’s some shit-talking going on here, although I’m not really equipped to catch it and am at the mercy of the subtitles. Does Jackson really ask Yibo, “You WERE a dancer when you were young?” because lol. And Yibo is all, “Eh, kind of?” I do love how neither of them can hold still for songs two and three. So, Team Yibo is also Bing and Tao, while Team Jackson is also Bai and Ting. The thing that strikes me immediately during the minute or so that they get to plan and quickly choreograph is that Team Yibo has everyone there – there’s no point during this planning stage that the entire crew isn’t involved. They’re all part of this. Meanwhile, Team Jackson is just the three of them, separate from everybody, working out their choreography. The whole-team approach IMMEDIATELY pays off, when Team Yibo slams out of the gate with an energy and power and fullness to their performance that Yibo will later comment is fueled by the atmosphere that the dancers at the back create, and he’s right, it’s just like a wave of pressure pushing them forward, not even getting into the fact that the three people actually in the battle are fucking good. Team Jackson is also good, but they don’t feel like a team, the crew in the back doesn’t seem to have it together, and the loss of that – it has an impact. No surprise that Round 1 goes to Team Yibo and their Attitude, which is like an entire fourth dancer on its own. Round two coming up, and the entire Team Yibo is still involved in the planning stages, Yibo’s flannel has come off and we’re down to T-shirt sleeves, and Tao is surprising me not only with his moves – I honestly didn’t expect him to come as hard as he does, given he and Cici were more lyrical in their initial performance – but in his killer instinct, because he’s the one who suggests getting up in Jackson’s face, lit. and fig., by yoinking one of his signature moves. Meanwhile, Yibo is playing gay chicken, and it is just as great an idea as it sounds like (and this is that performance that a clip of it was making the rounds a few months ago); meanwhile Jackson is going high (?) concept, and that is just as bad an idea as it sounds like, although he does attempt some charming self-deprecation when it’s all over (also, omg, one of the contestant reactions later is that he’s “short of brain trust.” I’m not actually sure what the most eloquent way to translate that comment would have been, but it certainly gets an idea across.) Chick actually earns his pay in one of the best moments of the battle that – as much as I hate to encourage it – actually does profit off his general air of douchery, Team Jackson continues to lack the kind of cohesive team feel that Team Yibo is bringing – and second round, battle, and towel to Team Yibo. THIS is the advantage of team-building from the very first minute. Also, fuck, Yibo and the dancers he’s collected are good. Technically, yes, but also, the auditions are getting kind of interminable, but after this battle, I’m excited again, and that kind of audience reaction is a good measure of whether your dancing is successful. (Towel goes to Cici, btw, which, yeah, Tao did fucking earn that for her, so I’m glad you came through on your promise to her, Yibo.)

Footnote 3, AKA Towel Battle 3, all four captains. Cypher. Four rounds. Everyone else’s face when the cypher is announced:  D:   Yibo’s face when the cypher is announced:  >:D  They each get to choose a style of music. Wallace chooses locking. Yibo and Jackson both choose hip-hop. Lay Zhang chooses krump. Yibo’s already moving before the music even starts, to whatever music lives inside his head. The music actually starts, and Yibo is in the center before anyone else gets the chance (probably before anyone else can get up their nerve …) My sound drops out right here, which, wtf, but I can still tell Yibo’s throwing down the gauntlet. He’s beatable, but not by anybody who’s going to coast. Also, goddam, he has legs for days. Lay Zhang is in next, with some good speed and power and crispness to his moves, although I’m having trouble taking that cap with the fake dreads seriously. It’s … actually super interfering with me getting on board with your vibe, my dude. Jackson’s up next, and he has somehow managed to bring my sound back, and he also lands, frankly, the best forward Salto we’ve seen from anyone so far this season, which I have to admit even though he is my inexplicable mortal enemy. Yibo and Wallace, ffs, ice him out in the follow-up, although he then does the same thing to Lay, so who tf knows what’s going on with the actual interpersonals between these guys and what’s for show, at this point. Wallace finally gets his turn and is super-game but horribly out-classed. Yibo gives him props anyway, which, good on you for respecting your elders and their efforts, I guess, baby, but let’s all admit that was an “E” for effort. Judges are frantically scribbling their points down as round 2/4 begins, and Yibo is the first one in the middle, again, and wtf gdi my sound really picks this point to drop out again? I feel like Youku may be fucking with me, at this point. ANYWAY, Yibo is finally, actually all in, and he’s got a fantastic Harlem shake, it’s like his joints are barely connected. I honestly could watch this boy dance all day, that’s how smooth he looks. Here’s the thing about Yibo, and it’s something the other captains haven’t yet achieved, or have only accomplished in slivers of time – he makes me want to dance, too. I watch him, and I want to be doing what he’s doing. You could say that he literally, not just figuratively or emotionally, moves me. And his ability to stoke that is something I really appreciate. Jackson Wang is up next and is pretty good, but I’m honestly more impressed with Lay Zhang, who manages to look almost like he’s being special-effected, that’s how staccato he gets at his best in this round. Wallace dances. The other captains are polite about it. More scribbling from the judges. Jackson’s the first one out there in round three, and he’s honestly looking the least tired of all of them. Stamina is maybe an issue, here. Even with Jackson, some of the finer control is gone. Y’all are maybe a little soft? How long has it been since any of you idols had to endure the workout of an entire concert? There’s a whole ‘nother round to go after this, so you better get your oxygen masks. Lay Zhang is still fairly crisp and pulls off a literal hat trick, although he’s doing a lot more upper body work that lets him stand in place than he is actually moving around. Jackson, with his baby boy enthusiasm and energy, is magnanimous enough to fill up some of Wallace’s time by “pulling” him into the center and then getting out there and dancing with him. I am old enough that I understand what Wallace is going through, but there’s just a noticeable difference in ability, here. Yibo is clearly waiting until last this time, to those of us paying scrupulous attention, although it’s nothing too obvious, and it does buy him enough time that he’s basically recovered by the time he gets back into the middle of the circle, although he’s a little less expansive than he’s been in the previous two rounds. So, strategic, then, too. Judges scribble as we move into the last round. No time for weakness, all of you. DID YOU HEAR ME, because most of you are looking, to be frank, just a little bit WEAK as you circle around and hang out on the edges and try to get your breath and energy back. I’m just sayin’. Lay takes the hit first, and he’s really trying, although he’s not as strong as he was back in the second round. I’m a little bit afraid he might fall over by the end of it. Yibo is sweating but pulls some random dude’s hat right off his head before … at least going all in, even if he doesn’t quite know what he’s doing, krump-wise. He ends by falling on the ground, in a credible WWX-passing-the-fuck-out imitation, which is probably a relief, by that point. Jackson probably has the most energy left, although he’s reduced to pulling off his shirt and posing by the end of his time. Wallace does some dancing. Look. I’m just going to leave it at that. Jackson is still being polite enough to encourage his elder. It’s maybe a little bit endearing. Final result is that Lay Zhang wins, which. OK. I would have placed him second, after Yibo, but I also seem to remember that he won the initial captains’ performance, back in Ep 1, so I guess I can’t be too surprised at this, based on trends. Show director was apparently so impressed, he’s gonna give up four extra towels, one to each captain, which means Lay gets two towels. So I guess towels go to Yuan Ye on Team Lay Zhang and Bullet on team Wang Yibo, if they keep their promises, although don’t know who Wallace and Jackson are planning on giving their extra towels to.

Next ep: Mystery Guest.

[thehippaes]

The worst of Bangers - playlist

Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2ZZ3PEFfGCqNIVWUVpFt9t?si=4842722153114449 Intro Unbearable narcissist that I am, I was thrilled to see that Isaac Asimov’s Foundation was being adapted into a big budget straight-to-the-internet TV series not because I honestly thought it would be any good, but because I hoped it might finally vindicate one of Bangers’ most (perhaps unfairly?) maligned songs if a few more people consumed the source material that it was an extremely concise precis of. As it happens I’m proper enjoying the series, faithless as the adaptation is - incorporating both emotions and women (two of my favourite things) neither of which were really even hinted at in the books. This train of thought, the fact that Small Pleasures turned 10 earlier this year, and my realisation that I find most of the Bangers back catalogue to weigh heavily on my creative soul as well intentioned but badly executed trash, led me to create a Spotify playlist called The worst of Bangers and write this accompanying blog to revisit some of the most forgotten, dismissed and/or reviled deep cuts. Before I start, these songs are included for a variety of metrics, often because they have a noted down-turn of listens on Spotify compared their album position. That’s not a great metric for a band who split up before Spotify achieved the godlike ubiquity that it now enjoys, but c’est la pomme de la terre. If you can hum any of these songs just by reading their names then you’re doing better than me 3 hours ago. Asimov When Bird was released, I remember several people telling me that this song shouldn’t have made the cut. I got the impression that some people thought it was a joke that didn’t sit that well on an album that was mostly dwelling on depression and suicide, and some others thought it was just a bit shit. Exactly nobody told me that they understood what I was getting at, so for the sake of posterity I’ll explain what it meant to me. Foundation – as I see it – is a musing on humankind’s repeated inability to learn one of the most universal lessons. The story begins with the fall of the Galactic Empire, and each subsequent generation confronts a crisis which requires rejecting the philosophy of the previous generation. Each time, the ruling forces adamantly refuse to realise this – rigidly adhering to the most recent philosophy - until one character tricks them into it and saves the day, thus ushering in a new age. I find the prescience of this to be one of the most depressing facts of human existence, and something I was wallowing in at the time, hence the song. Listening back I think the chorus is great, and Andrew’s weird bass slide in the middle is a joy. Vibrate This song is undeniably cool, but every time we played it people stared at us like we were stupid. I think it’s the emotional pay-off for Bird, after such a miserable time it’s just an acceptance that probably the healthiest thing to do is to accept defeat and plod on ignoring all the glitzy wiff-waff and intriguing mysticism in the world. This is the Bangers song I still sing to myself when I’m doing really practical DIY like building shelves. The truth that I’m more of a practical ox of a guy than an ethereal waif has been one of the healthiest realisations of my life. Stressful Festival The only thing that I ever heard said about this song was that it sounded ‘like Bangers’ on an album that largely didn’t. I think that’s bullshit, Bangers very rarely played this kind of classic on-the-beat punk vibe. Two interesting facts about this song: 1. I remember writing all the guitar riffs in Berlin after playing with De Cracks in the Ramones Museum and their Ramones-core translating much better to acoustic guitar than any of Banger’s music did. 2. While recording I puked in my mouth singing “sick to death of every one of you” and swallowed it again before coming in for the last chorus. If you listen really hard you can hear it coming up. A Quite Different Coastline In amongst the fairly weird Crazy Fucking Dreams album, this song performs especially badly with people who aren’t in Bangers. I think it rips, but Spotify figures confirm a proper dip compared to the rest of this album. I just don’t know what’s wrong with people sometimes! Bad Jokes Someone in Austria told me to my face that this song was too boring, and we pretty much stopped playing it after that. I think it has a janky song structure, and the nearest thing to a chorus it has (none of the songs on Crazy Fucking Dreams really have a chorus) isn’t that catchy, but I think the song is OK. I can confirm that nobody ever shouted for us to play it live. The Nick of Time OK, here’s a proper deep-cut. It’s the first B-side from the Blind Hindsight single, and I couldn’t remember anything about it before listening today. I remember we cut it from Crazy Fucking Dreams because it didn’t sit well with the other songs, but on reflection it really carried the core message that I was trying to get across in that album. Namely that history forgets just about everybody, so why should we feel obligated to be interested in anything that’s mainstream enough to be remembered. I suspect that the lyrics are not that relatable, but they’re a good diary entry for me to remember the first person I ever watched die. Log Jam Second B-side. I believe we only ever had two B-sides. We recorded this in our practise room in Exeter, and I seem to remember we tracked it back to front with the piano first and drums last. Maybe Hamish was at work until late or something. This is the song to drag out if anyone tries to tell you Bangers were just a gruff punk band who sounded like The Menzingers. I think there’s a weird time signature change, and that’s probably not because we were trying to be clever if you know what I mean. A man like Jack McCall This is named after the guy who shot Wild Bill in Deadwood. I loved that show, but at the time I knew I was much more a drunken cowardly shit-heel than any of the heroic (or at least stoic) characters. It was on the Good Livin’ EP which I find mostly unlistenable because of some very sketchy guitar playing. This was the weird plodder at the end which we probably played live a handful of times and then realised that nobody really wanted to hear it and it wasn’t that fun to play. Every night’s a date night On the subject on not being fun to play, this song was always a pain. Something about the timing at the start just baffled Hamish, so we ditched playing it as soon as we had enough songs. However in my mind this is one of THE archetypal Bangers songs, it’s got that lolloping, on-the-push rhythm, not a normal power chord in sight, and three quite distinct sections without anything approaching a chorus. Small Pleasures is definitely our most listened to album on Spotify, but where some of those songs really defined how Bangers were perceived, this never really landed. The Love Nest I straight up laughed out loud today when I saw we’d called a song The Love Nest. I couldn’t remember anything about it until I listened to it today for the first time in years. We played this a lot when we were relevant to the DIY scene in about 2011, and I think people used to sing along. It’s included here because I fully forgot it existed. There was a positive vibe (when no one was left alive) + Walking on the ground These two songs make up the Last Songs EP (single?) that we just about managed to release in time for our last ever show. I think we’d decided to split up by the time we recorded them, but I wouldn’t put money on it. I don’t know if we ever played Positive Vibe live, which is a shame because both songs are great. I think the album that these songs were meant to become would have nailed a good mix of dirty pop that we were aiming at in that moment. We probably would have messed it up though. Outro After I put this playlist together I went and listened to Challenger – Give people what they want in lethal doses as a pallet cleanser. I heartily recommend you do the same. Go and support Andrew and Kay’s new doughnut shop Future Doughnuts in Bristol, and visit Hamish in Cambridge. I’m doing fine. Roo