#it all spiralled down onto them thinking they couldn't do anything for these people

[reginrokkr]

𝐂𝐋𝐗. The belief in the Abyss has been established in Khaenri'ah for a very long time, born from the obsessions with the gods and to one day overthrow them with little regard for the people outside the kingdom as their "enemies", just for living under The Seven. This reverence to the Abyss was further intensified when Khaenri'ah was going through a tough spot for undetermined reasons, although one of them could easily be the fall of King Irmin as the last one of the Blacksun / Eclipse dynasty.

However, not everything was done out of wrong intentions. It's only natural that in a hostile environment would lead to the need for investigation of that which makes the location dangerous in order to protect themselves and to create medicines as a means to build resistance to the Abyss.

While this blind belief isn't exclusive to the native Khaenri'ahns, as it would spread to those who come from other nations that adapted extremists mindsets too, it brought unrest in the society with the excessive experimentation to the point of using a source of energy dangerous for everyone's health and the suspicious apparitions of monsters despite the fact that the borders were well-guarded by Black Serpents and automatons alike.

When people started to be more vocal about their discontentment with the situation surrounded the Abyss, outsiders were first to be blamed and thus were regarded as people who haven't abandoned yet their faith or too obtuse to not accept these "better ways" Khaenri'ah had. The Abyss continued to be a mystery even to nobles and highly restricted, but the issues it caused were to big to not be noticeable. And among the outsiders that were genuinely concerned were also native Khaenri'ahns that disliked the route the society was going. Just like people of other nations wanted nothing to do with the gods and have peaceful lives without worrying about divine judgement, so was the case of some natives of Khaenri'ah.

The arrogance and superiority-complex of many from the high sphere of aristocracy led them to believe that outsiders were still below them and that all the natives have the same mindset as they have. At first, only Black Serpents in keeping in mind the citizens' safety in combination to their own beliefs that what was happening is wrong were the ones who verbalized aloud the unrest, and they ran the risk of being put down by the hands of Black Serpent Knights. But to the surprise of those who fell a long time ago into these obsessions, it wasn't the case and it's because the Black Serpent Knights who supported them and other Khaenri'ahn natives that weren't afraid anymore of voicing their agitation that those who were at the helm of the Abyss as a new religion had to back down and eventually continue their reverence and experimentation clandestinely.

And for some time, it actually worked and people believed that things could only get better from that point onwards, with those who were deep into their obsession for the Abyss now falsely-presumed to have stopped their endeavors until Lumine descended to Khaenri'ah in answer to the wishing ritual that the devotion for the Abyss started to boil again from its clandestine status until everything exploded with the cataclysm.

[girlgenius1111]

i could change up my body and change up my face

arsenal x platonic young reader

warnings: this discusses an eating disorder. this is based off my experience; everyone's are different.

You thought you were doing the right thing. The healthy thing. You'd always been a more muscular player, and it hadn't really bothered you. Football players varied in size; it didn't mean anything for how good you were. You debuted for Arsenal at only 18, and people had a lot to say; most of it you could handle. The comments on your weight, on how if you were smaller, you'd be faster, better, were what caused the problems.

It spiraled quickly; one day you were skipping dessert, and the next you were skipping entire meals. It was hard to balance: eating enough that you didn't feel like you were going to pass out on the pitch, but not so much that you could barely look at yourself in the mirror. Evidently, it was harder than you thought. You only managed it a few weeks before people began to catch on that something was up.

Your teammates had noticed that your behavior was off recently. You were less talkative, and you saw everyone outside of training a lot less. A few of them had discussed it, and had decided to keep an eye on you, see if things got worse.

When you passed out during training, everyone thought you were joking. It had recently become a popular prank; you and Kyra pretending to be hurt, scaring everyone, before popping back up. It was a bit of a boy who cried wolf situation: when you went down, a few people glanced over, but thought you were kidding, especially because no one had been near you. It was a hot day, though, and you'd barely eaten. You were lightheaded before you got out on the pitch, but once training began it only got worse.

You managed to last through the first part of the scrimmage, before you had to stop, putting your hands on your knees and breathing hard. Black spots dotted out your vision, and the world spun gently around you. You though you heard Katie make a joke about you already being winded, but you were falling to the ground.

In fairness to your teammates, it only took about 10 seconds before they realized something was actually wrong. Katie and Lia watched you go down, and something about it just looked wrong; you crumpled too easily for it to have been on purpose. Swearing, they both rushed to your side, rolling you onto your back.

"Fuck. Medics!" Katie called, kneeling down beside you.

"Hey, y/n, can you hear me?" Lia called, lightly tapping your cheek. Your eyes were shut, and you were completely limp on the ground. At her prompting, though, you groaned, shifting slightly and opening your eyes. Both girls sighed in relief. You blinked up at them in confusion. Why were you on the ground? You tried to sit up, but both girls stopped you.

"No, stay here, we need to make sure everything's alright," Lia said, as the physios finally arrived. A small crowd had gathered around you and your cheeks flushed red at that realization. You'd messed up. No one was going to let it go that you'd passed out. None of your protective, caring, overbearing teammates would let it go until they knew why this had happened. And they couldn't know: if they knew, they'd make you stop.

That was really all you could think about: how possibly you were going to play this off. As they got you up, after you blatantly refused a stretcher, and walked you slowly into one of the medical rooms, your mind was flashing from excuse to excuse.

"What are you feeling?" John, the head physio, asked, once you'd settled on the exam table. He was looking at you carefully, as if he could see right through you; it was incredibly unnerving.

"Just a little dizzy, I don't think I drank enough water," you replied. John looked at you searchingly for a minute, before asking another question.

"Did you eat breakfast today?" he questioned, eyes not leaving yours. It was the way he asked; not what did you eat, but did you eat, that told you that you were caught. You knew they'd notice that you'd lost weight, you all had to do weigh ins to correctly meal plan. You just hadn't noticed a difference, and assumed there wasn't much of one. But the way that John was looking at you, it must have been more than you thought. Enough that they'd noted it, and enough that they seemed to know what they were dealing with.

"Yeah of course," you lied. He could tell.

"I'm gonna step out for a minute, alright?" With that, he headed out of the door, leaving you to stress in the room. You didn't know where he was going, and it terrified you that he could come back and blindside you with anything at any moment.

You heard voices in the hall, and prepared yourself for an onslaught of different physios, and maybe the club psychologist. You weren't really sure what your plan was, and you didn't have anytime to settle on one before the door was opening.

It wasn't John, or a different physio. Not the club psychologist either. It was Leah and Katie, both walking into the room with incredibly worried looks on their faces. Briefly, you thanked god that Kim was out; she had this specific look she gave, and whenever you got it from her, you told her whatever you had previously been trying to hide. The odds of being able to lie to Leah and Katie weren't great, but better than if Kim had been there too.

"Using me to slack of training, McCabe?" you tried to joke. Neither girl cracked a smile.

"We talked to John. Do you want to tell us what's going on?" Leah responded, ignoring your comment.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I just got dehydrated, I'm fine." Apparently, you'd decided to play dumb. A strategy you weren't so sure of as you tried to hold eye contact with Leah.

The blonde sighed, taking a seat in one of the chair in the room. Katie remained standing, arms crossed over her chest. You were expecting tough love; harsh words that told you to get your shit together. You weren't expecting Leah's voice to soften, for her to look at you like you were fragile.

"Y/n, we want to help you."

"I don't need help with anything," you insisted.

"Then why have you lost a significant amount of weight in the past 3 weeks? Why did you just pass out on the pitch? And why haven't we seen you at any team dinners recently?" Katie replied. Her expression was hard, but you knew it was masking her worry.

You didn't know what to respond to that, honestly. You'd been expecting them to tiptoe around the issue for a while, try to get you to admit to it. In the back of your mind, you wondered if maybe you weren't in trouble. Maybe what you'd done was wrong, was bad, but it didn't mean they were mad at you, like you'd expected.

"Listen kiddo, we know there's a problem. There isn't anything you can say that will make us think there isn't."

"I don't know what to tell you. There isn't anything going on. It's not on me if you guys are seeing things that aren't there," you replied, crossing your arms. Both girls sighed, and exchanged looks.

"Okay, y/n, if that's how you want to play it. If everything is fine, you can come over for dinner with me and Lia tonight." Leah told you.

"I can't-" you began.

"Be there at 6," she interrupted, her tone leaving absolutely no room for argument.

-----

You took a seat at the table, putting your hands underneath to hide how much they were shaking. You really didn't want to be here, but there was literally no way to get out of it. If you didn't show, you expected Leah, Lia, Katie, and probably half the team to show up to your house. You didn't want to draw anymore attention to the issue that you already had, so you just needed to get through this dinner, eat the food, and go home.

How hard could it be?

"We made your favorite," Leah told you, setting down a full plate in front of you.

"We?" Lia questioned, smirking at the other woman.

"Okay, Lia made your favorite, I sat nearby and kept morale up." You only weakly smiled in response, your attention still on the seemingly massive amount of food in front of you. If they noticed, they left it, taking seats on either side of you.

They kept the conversation going, with you contributing very little. Instead, you pushed the food around your plate, taking bites every so often. You weren't saying anything, forcing every bite down your throat. Lia and Leah watched you carefully, seeing the way every time you brought the fork to your mouth, you looked like you were in pain.

You could have done this meal normally. It was just that you'd had to eat lunch with the team after training, and the food in front of you was food that had practically haunted your nightmares in the last few weeks.

By the time you'd gotten halfway done with your plate, you were close to tears. The conversation had died out, and the older women were watching you as the fork shook in your hand.

"Y/n," Leah said softly, placing her hand over yours to stop it from trembling.

You let out a deep exhale, putting your face in your hands.

"I'm sorry," you said, voice muffled. You felt horrible. Truly, completely, horrible. All you could think about was the calories you'd consumed, and the fact that there was literally no way for you to deny this anymore. It was terrifying; the recognition from the others that you had a problem made it all the more real to you.

A hand was on your arm, pulling you away from the table. You went with it, standing and following Leah out of the kitchen. She led you to the couch, sitting down in the armchair across from you. Lia came in too, placing a glass of water on the table, before sitting down on the next to you. You were staring intently at the rug, following the pattern in it across the floor, instead of looking at either of the other people in the room.

"You don't need to apologize, y/n. You're not in trouble, and we're not mad at you." Leah stated cautiously. You remained quiet. "Can you tell me when this started?"

You bit the inside of your cheek, thinking for a minute.

"Neither of us are going to judge you for anything you tell us. And we aren't going to tell anyone what you say, as long as you let us get you help," Lia promised, and you found yourself looking up at her, blinking back tears. Her face was open, kind, and you felt yourself opening your mouth and beginning to talk.

"It's only been like a month."

"Did something happen that caused it?" Lia questioned.

“I'm not really even sure what happened. I know I shouldn't read comments on social media but I did and I couldn't stop and all of a sudden..." you trailed off.

Both girls sat in silence for a minute, clearly thinking hard about what they wanted to say.

"We'll talk to the club psychologist, and we'll get you in therapy. We'll get you better, and everything will be fine," Leah said, trying to project confidence. You knew she was just trying to help; outline a plan for you, let you know that there was a fix.

It wasn't that easy, though. The way she said it, like it was just a matter of going to therapy, and then it would be all better, made you inexplicably angry. Clearly, she didn't understand how hard this would be.

"It's not that fucking simple Leah," you said bitingly, and both girls looked at you in surprise.

"Y/n, I know it's not-"

"No, you can't just say that. List out 2 steps and make it seem like it'll be easy. It's going to be impossible, and I don't even want to-" you cut yourself off, jaw snapping shut.

"You don't even want to what, y/n?" Lia asked, eyebrows pinched in confusion.

"I don't want to stop. I don't think I can, I don't think I'm strong enough," you said, voice cracking over the last few words. Just as quickly as it had arrived, your anger had disappeared, leaving your eyes stinging with tears.

Before you knew what was happening, Leah was crossing the space in between you, sitting down on your other side, and pulling you into a bone crushing hug. The force of it knocked the air out of you slightly, leaving you to hold tightly to the stability that Leah brought.

"I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't mean to make it sound like it would be easy; I know it won't be," she paused. "Alright, I don't know what it will be like, because I haven't gone through this, but I promise you, you are strong enough to get better.

"And you don't have to do it alone; we'll be here, whatever you need," Lia cut in from your other side, sounding earnest. They wanted to help, so badly. It shouldn't have surprised you, how much they cared, but it did. It always did.

-----

Lia had told the truth. Every member of the team, even if they didn't know exactly what was going on, helped you in some way.

Leah and Lia had you over for dinner most nights; their support was silent, but there all the same. They didn't make a big deal of it if you finished your meal, or if you didn't. They trusted that you were trying.

Katie took your phone one day, wordlessly grabbing it out of your hands and disappearing. When she came back with it, you found the comments on all your posts limited to people you followed.

Alessia ate lunch with you, every day, no matter how long it took. She talked to you to, about her experience, but never made you feel like you had to tell her anything in return. It helped more than you could express, knowing that you weren't alone, that someone knew what you were going through.

Viv grocery shopped for you, when she figured out it was something you struggled with. She always bought too much, but she always gave you options. When things started to get easier, Viv still took you grocery shopping. It was her way of checking in without making you talk, seeing how you were doing by how overwhelmed you got.

You were partially right; it wasn't easy, but you were strong enough. And when you weren't feeling like you were, your teammates stepped up and were strong where you weren't. You could do it, you could recover. You weren't sure if you would have been able to by yourself, but it didn't matter, because you weren't.

-----

[domesantis]

Lotor and Keith: The Duo We Deserved

Disclaimer: it's been around 8 months since I've last watched voltron. details may be inaccurate

Sometimes I think we were robbed of what could've been an amazing friendship.

Keith's discovery of his Galran lineage and Lotor's of his Altean heritage, and their indirect parallel of upbringing, I hoped these two would form an amazing bond as they're the only people that could relate to each other in terms of ostracization due to their race. But that hope eventually dwindled down when I realized that the showrunners were definitely not planning that, and in fact, even makes Lotor a bad guy again.

At the very least, I had hoped for a heart-to-heart conversation about them being mixed race and flesh out that aspect of them more. Yet again, I was let down.

During Keith's entire life, he has been ostracized by his peers and constantly bullied for being different. It has been the fundamental characteristic of him— his preordained Galran traits— embedded into every crevice of his disposition and being unable to do anything about it. When he finds out about his Galran heritage, we finally conclude the reason, in profound realization, why he's never fit in much back in Earth. Ultimately, this would give clarity and closure to Keith about why he's the way he is, but what the showrunners overlooked is the inevitable, imminent consequence of an identity crisis.

He's too galra to be human (antisocial, rebellious, fierce and stubborn), but too human to be galra. (compassionate, warm, weaker and smaller in stature, humanly physical features)

This is his reality everyday.

I distinctly remember Sendak belittling Krolia because of her half-breed son, Keith. It went something along the lines of: "Is the Blade of Marmora so low on soldiers that they recruit a half-breed and his mommy in?" Which, most likely, amplified his identity crisis. Poor guy.

I feel as though the same case could be applied to Lotor.

Raised by only Galrans and raised to be one, his father, Zarkon, would also say that something was quite fundamentally different about him. Compared to a stereotypical, standard Galra, he seemed to be quite more compassionate and carefree as a child, showing great intellect and promise in other aspects yet lacking in the personality traits as a Galra and embracing more of his Altean characteristics.

Growing up, Lotor always believed in goodwill, altruism, and attempted to prove to Zarkon that he could successfully subjugate planets by sheer goodwill without repercussions. However, his father's constant abuse for millennia, and cruelly destroying said planet, would of course, send him to spirals and awaken his long repressed Galran characteristics: Tyrannous, vindictive, cruel and spiteful.

Both Keith and Lotor had been abandoned by their biological parents, one in a literal way, and the other, emotionally. Both of them had something just fundamentally, unutterably different about them that they couldn't quite explain, thus thwarting the standards of "what they should be".

If Keith and Lotor had formed a genuine, wholesome familial friendship to replace their absent/abusive parents, they could've established an actual safe space where they felt belonged and heard. The rest of the team may also provide an emotional connection towards them, however, nobody knows their pain more than each other. After all, they both went through similar experiences. Mixed race solidarity!

Also. I think it could've been a great way to represent mixed race people (I'm sorry. Is that how you call them? Is this offensive?). I'm not one myself, so I'm not sure, but this would've been so great to promote inclusivity and accurately represent their struggles in the actual world. This also could've been an amazing plot point for Lotor's character development and fleshing out his character more onto a much more profound and raw level. Instead, they threw it all down the drain by betraying VOLTRON then dying. Disappointed.

Also, I'll be diving deeper into Keith's identity crisis more in one of my next posts, and Lotor's tragic fate.

Get me out of this VOLTRON hellhole. The hyperfixation is too much.

[anangelinthepit]

Baby, you're the Right Kind of Wrong

Hey guys, sorry this story was put on the backburner. I got a new series coming, and I was focusing on BMB. Anya, I hope you all enjoy it and let me know if I should continue this series. I love you all

-Magenta 🌹

Small warning ⚠️ there is a sex scene, so please be advised.

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

Part 5

Y/N pov

My body, heart, and mind have been aching ever since I left my parents. Not because I missed them but because I put up with their bullshit for so long and was blinded by obedience. How could I be so brainwashed into thinking that was love? I wanna scream, but I'm just so tired, all I can do is lay here as the bruises from Papa’s belt form on my skin. Warm tears ran down my face onto the silk pillowcase, maybe taking a shower will ease some of this pain And help me forget. I don't wanna face anyone right now, not even Noah. Am I doing this? Running away with a boy that I just met and putting all my hopes into him? What the hell is wrong with me? That situation brought out the worst in him and part of me feels he might have developed some resentment against me. I met him a day ago and twisted his peaceful universe into a spiraling hell. I sighed and got up slowly trying to make my way to the door but my legs were killing me. I guess that all the adrenaline that was pumping through my body numbed the fact that I was burned, cut, and bruised. As I put my hand on the handle, it started to turn, meaning someone else was trying to come in. Noah beat me to it, and I'm gonna have to face him.

“How are you holding up, Angel? he asked.

“As good as I can be, I guess, I was just on my way to go take another shower,” I said, looking down, not being able to make eye contact with him. God, the guilt I felt.

“Do you need anything? You can borrow more of my clothes tonight if you want until we can get you some more,” he said, walking over to his dresser, digging through them once again

“That would be nice. My clothes smell like cigarette smoke, unfortunately.”

Noah handed me a pair of grey sweatpants with a t-shirt that had some character on it, holding what I presumed to be a whiskey bottle.

Man this guy's clothing choice is a bit strange

I smiled and said, "Thank you”. We shared an awkward silence once again, but this time, I had enough courage to break it.

“I'm sorry, Noah.”

“For what baby?”

Baby…

“For what? Noah, I turned your world upside down in one freaking day. You put yourself in harm's way and pulled out a gun all for what.”

“To protect the girl I fell in love with,” he said, crossing his arms.

This entire thing feels like a fucking dream that turns into a nightmare then back to a dream. How could he love me? I'm nobody. Unless it's just he loves the idea of me. Think about it, I'm a girl who has never been touched before and so clueless, I'm an easy target, and what Mama calls an “easy lay”. Now I'm starting second. I guess my decision.

Noah grabbed my arm and sat me down in front of him. I was worried that what I said offended him because the look he gave me was so cold.

“Y/N I know all this is a lot and I promise you we will take things slow but my priority was getting you away from that Hell house. Even if you didn't want to be with me, I still made you my responsibility.”

Responsibility? He makes it sound like I’m a chore

“The fact that other people could look at your arms and think what was going on was okay makes me sick to my fucking stomach. I couldn't sleep the night you left knowing all this. When you were staying over, I went downstairs and cornered Jolly and Ana. I know you were pissed at her for telling me and trust me she was reluctant to, but I didn't give her a choice. I had my theories, and they were confirmed that night. Even if you weren’t in trouble, I decided that you were coming back to a home where you had people who cared about you. A home where no one would dare lay a finger on you.”

“Noah I want to be with you, but it's just all strange to me that within one day you told me you loved me. You don't even know who I am as a person.”

“Is it strange because no one has told you that and meant it?”

Ouch, that hurt

“What are you insinuating?” I crossed my arms and stared at Noah, I'm not trying to defend my parents, but he also doesn't understand there is more to the story.

“Do you honestly think what your parents did to you was love”

“My parents do love me Noah they're just sick.”

“So that gives them a fucking right to beat on you? Y/N If you thought what had happened was okay and you loved your parents, you wouldn't have called Ana's phone begging her to save you.”

Noah started to slightly raise his voice and it made me shut down. I didn't want to make him angry, but he needed to see how odd this was from my point of view. Not wanting to make eye contact with him anymore, I just shook my head in silence. I hate arguing, and from what I'm seeing, there is no winning in this one.

“Y/N, look at me.”

I looked at Noah and saw that his demeanor had changed to his softer side

“Y/N. you beautiful, broken, naive angel, I fucking love you and I'm not going to hurt you. Not like them. Let me at least show you what real love is supposed to look like. Please.”

Hes lying. None of this is real. Mama always told us men only want one thing.

I threw my head into my hands, trying to prevent the tears from coming out and the voice to stop talking. He's not lying. No man would do this just for some sex. There's no way.

“Noah. I'm scared.” I said with tears now pouring down my bruised cheek. Noah gently grabbed my hand and caressed his face with it. Giving it a gentle kiss and looking into my eyes.

“The fear you carry is small compared to the love that I will give to you. It will always prevail Y/N. It's you and I from now on, got it? I got you, and I will never let you fall.”

Within that moment, Noah's lips clashed with mine, sending me back to cloud 9. I didn't want him to stop, but I wasn't ready to go any further. Noah pulled away and gently rubbed his thumb up against my cheek.

“Now go take a shower, I got something planned for us when you get back out,” he said with a smile.

I nodded and went about my way. Is this what love is? Unconditional? If so, I have it now, and I never want to lose it. I never want to lose him.

He'll get tired of you eventually. You're not worth it.

That thought made me grab my head and run into the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and slid down to the floor. Even after all of Noah's reassurance, the voice keeps creeping in. God help me.

Noah’s POV

Gonna have to do a lot of damage control with her, but it'll all be worth it. I was getting ready to order food for the house and pick out which horror movie would be best. She was never allowed to watch movies, so I feel like a movie night would be the best way to welcome her home. I got a knock on the door, and it was Matt.

“What's up ?”

“How's she holding up?” Matt asked

“Brusied to the core and mentally fragile. I guess as good as a girl who's been through the worst can be.” I said, scrolling through my phone.

“Listen, man, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but… just be careful. Don't forget to take care of yourself too. Sometimes, people lose themselves trying to take care of others” Matt said while rubbing the back of his neck

I wanted to get mad at what he said, but he was right. After all, he is my friend and he cares about me. I looked up at him and shook my head in agreement.

“With that being said, I'm also glad you did what you did. God only knows what would have happened if you hadn't gone back for her.”

“Makes me wonder. If God already knew, why would he let it happen?”

Matt was about to say something when Y/N walked in. Even covered in bruises, she was still so ducking beautiful. Beautifully broken.

“Your clothes are so comfy. At this point, your wardrobe is mine now.”

I smiled at her, but she was still able to see something was up with both of us. Guess I wasn't good at hiding my thoughts.

“Is everything okay? You guys look like you've just got some bad news.”

“I mean, I don't know about you, but I'm starving, the food is on its way, and we’re all gonna pile downstairs for a movie night. “ Matt said, trying to change the subject

“Sounds like fun.”

We all made our way downstairs and ended the night with Thai food and scary movies.

“So which one are we doing, Y/N turns to pick. Don't let us down.” Matt asked, holding up options

“Well, this one looks good.”

“No way, Y/N, are you trying to have nightmares,” I said in shock

How does this chick know what the grudge is?

“You know, for someone who talks about dethroning god, you're a real pussy.” Y/N joked

“Woahhhh language missy. We got virgin ears around here ” Folio said, holding his own

“Damn Noah, I didn't know your girl had it in her,” Jolly said, patting my shoulder

“Im pussy huh? We’ll see who's the real one after the movie. And you can't hide in my lap either.” I joked

“Pfft, what good is hiding behind you when you're scared too.”

“Be quiet and put the movie in.”

We all shared some funny jokes and a few good laughs. Something in me started to feel almost full. Like I had everything I ever wanted. My friend, my home, and now my girl. Everything has finally fallen into place, and I got my life back to where it needs to be.

At least, that's what I thought until Matt had some news for the band

About two months had almost gone by, and everything was perfect. Y/N adjusted so well to her new life, and we were even planning on moving to California.

“Are we really going to LA,” Y/N asked

“Oh yes, we are. It's gonna be me, you, and the beautiful West Coast sunset.” I hugged Y/N from behind and kissed her neck,

“Noah stop you're making me blush.”

“That's the whole point angel.”

“I don't mean to break you two love birds up, but Noah, I gotta talk to you,” Matt said, walking into the kitchen. I could tell it was something serious, so I told him lets go out on the back patio."

I winked at Y/N and closed the doors behind me.

“Everything okay?” I asked

“Summerian just booked you guys for an 8-month tour across the states.”

“What! Matt, you gotta be kidding me. We just got off of tour and are trying to adjust. I can't make Y/N travel all over the place.”

I started pacing and wondering why in the hell we ever signed with this company, to begin with. It's been non-stop touring one day after another.

“That's the bad news, Y/N can't follow us on this one,” Matt said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously,

“Now I know you're fucking joking.”

“I'm sorry dude but it's gonna look really bad when you have a girl following you around. The fanbase is gonna drop tremendously. I'm sorry she just gonna have to sit this one out.

“This is fucking bullshit.”

I looked up and saw Y/N sitting on the island sipping away at her tea. Looking so peaceful and happy, she noticed I was staring at her and smiled at me. Can I go 8 months without touching her or kissing her? Of course, I can’t but we need the money. Realizing I don’t have any other option, I start to get up and make my way to the door.

“When do we leave?”

“This Saturday”

“Of fucking course.”

I walked back into the kitchen and kissed Y/N on the forehead.

“Everything okay?”

“We gotta talk angel.”

Y/N POV

“8 Months? Baby that's not too terrible.”

“You’re….You’re okay with it?”

“I mean I’m not excited about it, being away from you for so long does give me some anxiety but I trust you, my love. You’ve never given me a reason not to and you know I’ll be right here waiting for you when you come back.”

Noah seemed a little taken aback by my reaction to the news but I couldn’t help it. I’m trying to work on keeping myself together and not falling apart with every piece of bad news I receive. And even though it’s killing me deep down that he has to leave, I need to understand this is his line of work.

Noah got up and hugged me, I felt a few tears drop down onto my head. I looked up at Noah and caressed his face.

“Baby I’ll be here waiting for you. Okay?”

“Promise?”

“I promise”

The rest of the band started to make their way to the house and go over the details for this. I never realized how much planning goes into a long tour but it does make sense. I stuck around for a bit and hung out with everyone. I wanted to enjoy the last two days with Noah before he had to leave but as the clock hit midnight it made me realize I only had one day left. The anxiety began to creep up on me and I felt it was best to go up to the room and try to sleep it off. I got up trying not to draw too much attention to myself but of course, Noah noticed.

I got up to the room and went to shut the door but a hand stopped it from closing completely. When I turned around I saw Noah in the doorway right behind waiting for an explanation.

“Baby?”

I tried to brush it off as nothing but he knew better

“Y/N please talk to me.”

Noah gently guided my hand making me move over to our bed. We sat down and just looked into each other’s eyes. At this point, I think both of us realized what needed to be said, especially since there were tears in mine. Pulling me close to him I no longer could hold in my feelings.

“Noah I don’t know if I can do this,” I said, crying into his chest.

“I know, baby, but it's something we have to do. These 8 months will go by quickly, and before you know it, it will be in California with our toes in the sand. That'll be the first thing we do.”

“Promise?”

“I promise”

The thought of our new life starting soon made me so happy. It's only 8 months we can do this. We both calmed down and started talking about all the things we should do before he left. Our favorite diner, the park where we took our first pictures together. We’re gonna do all of it tomorrow. Hopefully, it will help make the final departure from each other easier. I was stuck in my thoughts when Noah's voice brought me back to reality.

“Baby”

“Yea?”

“There's one thing I want us to do before I leave,” Noah said, sitting up

“What's that?”

Noah laid down on top of me and began kissing me passionately. Things were very heated between us and I could feel Noah's hand slowly make its way down my body. Lifting my shirt to reveal my breasts, Noah’s soft lips left mine and began kissing my nipples. I let out what I thought was an embarrassing moan, but it made him smile.

“Oh baby please don’t be shy, it’s just me and you. I need to know that what I do to you feels good. Let me hear you.”

As Noah said that, his hand slipped under my dress, fingertips caressing my inner thigh. My breath hitched, my heart racing as I felt him reach the apex of my thighs, panties damp. Pulling the material to the side, he swiped his fingers through my drenched folds, my slick gathering on his fingers to bring them up and around my swollen clit.

My hands shot to his forearm for purchase as my head fell back, jaw slack. There was a pause as two expertly long fingers pushed inside me, causing me to cry out, my walls clamping tight around him.

“That's right, baby, let it out.”

Noah's pace began to pick up, making me arch my back. An unfamiliar feeling began to fill my lower stomach, a feeling I didn't want to go away.

“N- Noah” I whimpered

“Cum for me baby.”

I covered my face and let out a cry. I could hear Noah giggling because he knew what he did to me. Crashing his lips into mine, I could feel his hard cock near my folds. I wanted him more than anything, but being a virgin made me so nervous, I wasn't experienced and had no clue what to do. I could feel my body tense up at the thought of this but Noah's reassuring words helped me relax

“We don't have to do this.”

“I'm not going 8 months without feeling you. I want this.”

“I'm not going to lie to you, my love. It's gonna sting, and you are going to bleed.

“I know.”

“Okay, just know, no matter what happens, it's okay. Alright?”

“Noah. Make love to me please”

Noah kissed me one last time before sliding his cock into me. God he wasn't kidding the sting was almost unbearable.

“Hold on to me, my love, I promise the pain will stop”

I dug my fingernails into his back, trying to distract myself from the pain. Each thrust felt like he went deeper and deeper. By the fourth thrust, the pain turned into tear-jerking pleasure. The sound of Noah moaning mixed with the pleasure that painted his face made this all the better. I could feel that now familiar sensation build up with each thrust

“Noah. Noah Baby, I'm so close”

“Me to my love, look at me”

Our eyes met as we both shared a soul-binding orgasm. Noah fell to the side and pulled me in for a hot and sweaty hug. Kissing me on my cheek, I could see that he was blushing.

“Are you alright?”

“Of course, my angel. I just love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

We lay there for hours talking about us and how we knew we were in this for good. Our future, our dreams, and California. Everything will be better in Cali. The sun started to rise, telling us it was a new day. Also, letting us know that this was our last day together.

“I don't want this night to end,” I said, holding him close.

“Don’t worry, my love, this is the first of many,” he said, smiling while kissing my nose.

We got out and went to clean ourselves off. I would be lying if I said we didn't try to do it once more time in the shower. Well, let's just say soap and sex do not mix. Noah ended up slipping and fell out of the shower, taking down the curtain and me with him. Normally, in a situation where people would be mad, we were able to find the humor in it.

“Okay never again in the shower”

“Agreed,” I said, trying to get off of him.

We laughed and realized we probably woke the whole house up. Finishing up in the bathroom, we got dressed and went back to the room. Noah's alarm went off letting him know it was time for us to get ready. We were supposed to meet the band for breakfast. Noah shut his phone off and grabbed me.

“Come here, you”

“Noah quit it” I giggled

“Nope, you're mine now.”

“You know Matt gonna be pissed if we miss the meeting.”

“He’ll be alright,” Noah said, getting on top of me

“You know you're my everything, right?”

“Of course I do.”

Noah began kissing me when I felt something slide on my right ring finger. When I looked down, I saw it was a little diamond ring.

“Noah?”

“It's not a wedding ring, I know you're not ready for that. It's a promise ring.”

“What kind of promise?”

“A promise that I'm yours and only yours and I will dedicate my life to us. A promise that one day you will walk down that aisle to me and say I do.”

He's giving me a promise. I know he’ll keep it. Mama and Papa were wrong, This man is my angel.

“I love you”

“I love you too”

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

Sorry guys, I didn't realize how long this one was. I hope you all enjoy 🩵 shouting out to @reyadawn for helping me 🩵🩵 love you bestie

@reyadawn @bloodylullaby @fadingintothegrey @chey-h @thisbicc @hurricanesfollowyou @supersquirrel1996 @dreamstyles

[kauenelikha]

Dazai Birthday Week, Day 4

Aaah I got sick and I couldn't function and now I wrote this in under an hour because I had to participate in @dazaibirthdayweek2024

Prompt: Mentorship

Characters: Dazai and Atsushi (not romantic)

Warnings: Atsushi typical terrible self worth, angst

Enjoy!!!!!

“I don’t deserve to live, Dazai-san, I don’t, I don’t.”

Dazai’s not suited for this. Anyone else would do a better job than him.

“Why am I even breathing? I shouldn’t be allowed to breathe.” Atsushi is gasping, air not reaching his lungs, hands trembling between both of them where they’re knelt on the ground. 

The half mangled bodies of their targets are being carted out of the warehouse. Police sirens blare, shrill and headache inducing. Dazai has brought them behind the warehouse, to get Atsushi away from the suffocating darkness.  

They’re not dead. They could’ve endured much worse and survived.

“I don’t Dazai-san, I- I- No, Dazai-san, I don’t have permission I can’t, I can’t.”

The enemy ability user’s shield faltered under their attacks, the Agency having overestimated their strength, Atsushi their spearhead as he often is.

What could human flesh do against claws that rip through abilities?

Dazai tries to shush him but to his horror a teary sob wrenches its way out of the boy’s throat.

It was Dazai’s plan, and it’s Dazai’s fault but Atsushi is in no state to see that. There’s blood drying on his hands and words tumbling out his mouth and each one sends a stab at his heart.

Anyone would be better. But Kunikida is out handling the police and no one else came with them. 

Atsushi’s eyes are glazing over and he doesn’t have time. What would ground him? He hasn’t responded to anything Dazai’s said. He’s aware at least that Dazai is here with him. Pain or shouting are out of the question. No, those would only send him spiralling further.

Simple touch?

It’s worth trying. Atsushi does not expect harsh touches from him. He's always leaned into the softer ones, subtle and unconscious like if he acknowledged it the touch would go away. It has him thinking of another boy, dark hair with white tips. Any physical contact they shared were blows and nullifying taps and he was never one for physical affection but that boy would never expect soft touches from him would he? 

Atsushi's hands have found his hair, tugging and digging. His muttering has turned feverish, he's looking down not talking to Dazai anymore. He acts before the boy's completely lost to his head, he can think about everything later.

He coaxes Atsushi's hands away from his hair, letting them clutch onto his own hand. They still shake, tremors he tries to soothe with gentle strokes. He’s crying now, words unable to make it out of his mouth.

“Atsushi-kun,” he chides and his voice sounds so fond he’d feel sick in any other circumstance. He raises his other hand to wipe the tears mingling with the blood on his face. “That’s no way to talk about yourself.”

He leans into the contact but gives no indication of having heard him.

Dazai feels sick. His hands forever stained with blood, cupping his face with such care when his presence alone should be far far away from someone as pure as Atsushi. His blood infected with Mafia Black shouldn’t be so close to the boy’s skin. Someone who cares so much, cries so freely for these people he doesn’t know, who believes he has to prove himself worthy of being alive.

But he’s all that’s here.

“It’s rather silly isn’t it? Being allowed to live. No one dictates that, it’s only what you wish.”

Atsushi shakes his head, again with the same desperation he uttered those terrible words. “But I’m not. Not until I– No no no no, I’m trying, I’m trying why can’t you see why can’t you see?”

And Dazai knows he’s lost him. He’s addressing someone else entirely, grip on Dazai’s hand crushing, eyes looking beyond him.

So he leans against the wall, pulling Atsushi with him to lie against his front. He wraps his arms around him, one hand carding through his hair the other around his torso. 

The shaking has stopped and that counts for something. Though it’s replaced with chest heaving sobs, his face buried in Dazai’s shoulder, hands clutching his trenchcoat.

Anybody else would’ve been better.

He thinks of Akutagwa and he doesn’t know why his thoughts are straying. He never hugged him like this. Showing such vulnerability would be a weakness. Weakness that Dazai would exploit then and there to teach him a lesson. To never forget and never make that mistake again. After all, weakness in the mafia meant death.

The light is kinder. It lets Atsushi break down with no consequence. It lets Dazai be here, to help pick him up later, build him back up.

The light is kinder. 

Dazai holds him just a little tighter.

There’s another shuddering sob from Atsushi and then in a voice so quiet and small it aches, he says, “I want to live.”

“You will,” Dazai vows. “You will Atsushi-kun. You’ll grow old and get wrinkles and back pain, you’ll get married to someone who loves you. I’ll make sure of it.” 

His fingers tighten in the other’s shirt. His words fall on deaf ears.

Atsushi’s cries die out. He falls asleep soon after.

Kunikida finds them like that, Dazai’s gaze dark, nose buried in the boy’s hair.

Anybody would’ve been better.

[cosmic-spider]

Off the planet

Hi and welcome this was based off on a story I found on AO3 that I really liked. But it was discontinued so the first chapter is based a bit of the story I read.

═════════⊹⊱❖⊰⊹═════════

Everyone, please remember-" your professor, Mr Altalune, kept talking about this assignment about bringing something from your families history, something inspiring they worked on.

But of course, you didn't really care. You just wanted to leave this damn class already.

Which luckily for you, you we're going to pretty soon due to the fact that it was almost time to leave. But, even when you supposedly didn't care, your mind wandered off thinking about the subject.

"(..What could I even bring?)" you looked down at your notebook which had nothing on it besides a few doodles that you subconsciously drew, little stars, spirals, really anything random.

You zoned out a bit, just staring at your notebook and it's doodles, everything else around you seemed twice as loud. You could hear the sound of light air coming from the ventilation system, the clicking of mechanical pencils and pens, and the soft whispering of people talking.

"Hey, do you know about that rumor? About..what was their name.." The two girls behind you were talking about you as the girl speaking just said your name, another rumour about you that people were whispering about already. You guys were in college, why we're people still gossiping like they were in high school?

"No- I didn't! I need to send that to the group chat." you probably would've turned around to the two girls and tell them that you could hear them but, you didn't wanna talk.

So, you just let them continue with their conversation as they giggled to each other while gossiping like high schoolers.

RING,RING,RING

Finally, the day was finally almost over. You'd have tomorrow off from college but, would have work as well.

But, at least you would get to sleep in. You started packing up your stuff into your bag, still thinking about what to bring for this assignment.

As you heard the girls go over to their friends and whisper to each other, probably telling them all about the rumor they heard about you.

Even if you wanted to yell at them, you couldn't and just, focused on leaving the class while you finally finished packing up everything and putting it into your bag before you left the place.

You made it off college perimeters and made your way to the sidewalk to go straight home to your apartment. As you stopped yourself in the middle of the sidewalk as you finally thought of what to bring for that assignment. You grinned a bit to yourself while rushing off, not a moment to waste.

Okay, maybe walking was a bad idea, maybe you should've brought your car that day. But hey, I guess that's your fault for not bringing your car to school in the first place.

Since it wasn't too long of a walk to make it to campus and back to your dorm and, the weather was supposed to be perfect today. Turns out, it wasn't. It had started raining pretty heavy but, it was worth it. Looking up with the side of your hand pressing against it, you finally saw it.

Your family mansion

You quickly glanced around for a moment to make sure nobody was looking before walking towards the front door of the mansion.

Just in case since you didn't feel like talking to someone nor explaining why you were going into this abandoned, old mansion in the first place.

You gently put your hand onto the door handle, twisting it which made you surprised that the door wasn't locked but you weren't complaining.

You hesitated for a moment before you walked into the mansion, unsure of what to expect but looking inside, it just seemed like any normal house that was abandoned for years.

Cracks, indents, mold, and vines everywhere, the whole 'horror movie house' kinda look. You started walking around as the floorboards creaked under every step you took which, made you slightly nervous everytime.

As you finally started looking around a bit more you found a folded piece of paper on the ground which was...ripped. You stared at it for a good moment before hesitantly picking it up.

Finally getting a good look at it, you finally noticed that it was actually a flyer. Looking at it, it seemed like a advertisement for some sort of museum? The biggest line read:

'Copper 9' wasn't that a planet and, wasn't it destroyed?? Nonetheless, you continued to look through it and noticed at the bottom it said 'supported by the founder of Jcjenson'

..the founder of Jcjenson..you swore that you've heard that before. Your uncle mentioned something about that before, didn't he?? Maybe he worked there..

And that's when you got the best idea

"(If I go to that museum, I'll surely be able to find some stuff my uncle made!)" you smirked to yourself a bit, and well, yes you could've found something in that house but.

It was really starting to creep you out at the moment so, as you finally decided to leave you kept the flyer in your pocket for later, still remembering the rain.

Maybe you should've at least brought an umbrella instead of your car, or maybe you should've chosen somebody else in your family for this damn assignment but now, it's too late. Finally noticing this...big white building

'Yes!!! Yesyesyes!' you smiled, rushing yourself towards the building but stopped for a moment

'..its run down...?' you took out the flyer from your pocket and looked everywhere and when you finally turned the flyer around, you noticed the date.

"GODDAMNIT!" you yelled out in agitation, who else wouldn't be pissed? You got yourself drenched for nothing practically...or, did you?

Huffing, you looked up at the building again, noticing the front door. As you looked a bit closer, you noticed the door war slightly open. You smirked to yourself

'Maybe this wasn't for nothing after all..' you put the flyer away which was now also soaking wet as you ran towards the door.

You quickly checked your surroundings and after making sure nobody was around you entered the building, only leaving the door open a crack as you finally started slowly walking around the run down museum.

Despite the fact that the museum was run down, it still had everything in it, blueprints, weapons, everything. But, there was only one thing that was very disturbing about this place, the powered off robots.

Yes, they were powered off but there was just something...wrong with it, as you looked around you found...a spaceship? You looked down at the small stand that had practically a whole essay about what this spaceship was

"(..I'm not reading all of that.)" you looked at the near end part which read:

'it will not be able to start without keys says the creator,’

you didn't read the rest of that and just thought.

"(Keys, I gotta find the keys)" you started looking around for the keys for that damn spaceship, while also looking at everything else that was pretty interesting to you and while looking, you paused at the front of a door with a sign at the top that read;

'bosses office' your lips curled into a smirk subconsciously, thinking of a great idea

"(One peek wouldn't hurt..)"you creaked open the door only your head popping out of the side, you finally opened the door all of the way before entering and started look around before you found a bunch of papers on a desk in the room. You picked one up

"(..eh, they won't know)" and started to read it

'Copper 9 has finally been inhabited by the Dissasembly drones J, V and N. They will make sure all of the faulty worker drones will be parished I'm sure of it, you have nothing to worry about at the moment besides...what was their name again? [Name], yes, [Name]. I'm sure my brother will be happy for you to be there when they are born, you have nothing else to worry about."

why were they talking about you? Who's serial designation J, V and N? What are worker drones? You shook your head

"(I'm...taking this with me)" you put the paper into your other pocket before deciding to look around again for the keys for that spaceship.

Looking at the rest of those papers probably would've took too much time anyways...as you were about to leave the room you nearly tripped on something in the middle of the room, causing you to yelp as you looked down, it was a small wooden box with indents of flowers such as roses and lilies.

You slowed picked it up and looked at it a bit closer, it didn't have a lock on it neither was it really, protected. It was pretty damaged but, that didn't matter at the moment as you shook the box you heard something inside which you thought were the keys for the spaceship it was just, a dagger

"(Well, at least I can protect myself now)" you thought, smiling a bit as you left the room with your new dagger in hand.

You were exhausted, but you continued looking everywhere for those damn keys and couldn't find them but, perhaps it would be your lucky day because as you finally made your way back to the spaceship.

You decided to at least check the inside of it to see if it had anything for this stupid project of yours and as you entering you immediately felt slightly...uneasy but, that didn't stop you.

You started looking around in the small space that actually wasn't too bad for a spaceship. Considering this has been in a run down museum for who knows how long, you finally noticed that the keys were already in the ignition which honestly.

Made you a little bit pissed at yourself but also a little bit more nervous. As you went near it you noticed a small note on the chair near the spaceship controls, and as you picked up you didn't notice that you had flipped a switch which caused the spaceship door to close

"Wha?.." you immediately looked up at the screens of the spaceship and it all showed

PREPARING FOR TAKEOFF IN:

50 SECONDS

"Wait- NO!" you immediately started panicking you started looking over all of the controls and the room. Immediately grabbed your phone out of your pocket with the dagger and immediately tried to contact anyone you could.

PREPARING FOR TAKEOFF IN:

45 SECONDS

You dropped your phone onto the floor of the spaceship because of how shaky your hands were at the moment.

"Dammit!" you exclaimed subconsciously before you bent down and grabbed your phone. Once again and started trying to call the person again as you watched the timer.

"I'm sorry, but-" you hanged up as it went straight to voicemail. You immediately tried again and again and again but even then it went straight to voicemail. You then tried to start texting them in hopes they would answer as you felt panic overtake you

PREPARING FOR TAKEOFF IN:

26 SECONDS

you tried calling every number you knew, even the police but, they all went to voicemail even after trying what seemed like million of tries afterwards.

"How does the police station phone go to voicemail?!" You yelled, you felt so powerless as you looked back up at the screens.

PREPARING FOR TAKEOFF IN:

13 SECONDS

You felt your knees go weak as you fell backwards as your back slid against the wall of the spaceship still looking at the screens.

Your knees were wobbling as you thought of all of the horrible things that could possibly happen. You could be stuck in space, or maybe even worse than that. You felt warm tear stream down your face as a voice started to say the final countdown

5

.

.

.

.

.

4

.

.

.

.

.

 .

.

.

3

.

.

.

.

.

.

2

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

1

Off the spaceship went with you, you screamed as your head hit the wall, incredibly hard, making you drop your phone and fall into the ground and the last thing you saw before passing out were the screens showing only one thing

Destination : Copper 9

[athenasgotu]

title: forbidden love. (part 3)

pairings: knight!ellie williams x female!reader

plot: ellie is one of the best knights in the whole kingdom, the first female one as well. you, the perfect princess. your mother has no clue you have a crush on ellie. but, your marriage is assigned. you couldn't get what you wanted.

warnings: eventual smut, little bit of angst, feeling unwanted, homophobia, negative thoughts, swearing, sexual desires

a/n: this chapter does have just like the smallest bit of smut. chapter 4 will most likely have smut. now, i don't usually write smut so bear with me 😭.

minors dni!

part 1 & part 2

MEN DNI❗❗

≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫

why did blair have to see this? she's going to tell mom for sure.. oh my god. my arrangement? what will happen to ellie? to me? you sigh and let go of ellie.

"blair.." you mumble. blair looks at you and ellie in complete shock. she never expected such disobedience from you. you knew the guidelines, and you broke them? out of all people. blair clutches the top of her gown and walks to you and ellie.

"sister.. you know better." blair looks at you. ellie was embarrassed and rubbed the back of her neck. you looked down feeling ashamed for your actions. you should've never fallen in love with her. why couldn't i just be normal? why does it have to be like this? your thoughts spiraled. you almost were completely distracted that your sister had to nudge your arm.

you jumped a bit, realizing you zoned out. "please.. don't tell anyone." you take your sister's hands and grasp on them tightly, begging her to keep this secret. if anyone knew, you'd be banished. ellie on the other hand.. executed. you couldn't let that happen to her. she was all you had, being forced to leave your home wasn't something you wanted either. why can't things just go back to how they were before? you and ellie, simple childhood friends. playing in the royal garden every once in a while. she'd talk about her training and show you her skills. but even before.. it was never "normal" you loved her, just didn't know it yet. why did you have to be like this?

"i.. i can't promise you-" you immediately cut your sister off. "i could be banished! do you really want that?" you were fed up with blair at this point. did she really want you to be cast away? thrown to the enchanted forest for good?

she lets go of her hands and sighs. "of course not," she turns around and was just about to walk away. right when you think she's done, she continued. "i have to follow the rules and so do you. i don't want you to end up like, him." she walks away, you hear her heels click-clack on the floor. ellie turns to face you, seeing the worry on your face.

"i'm sorry." she says. why was ellie saying sorry? she didn't do anything wrong. this is all your fault. if you didn't fall in love or be into girls.. everything would be normal. you'd be normal. "don't apologize." you say quietly. "you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. this one is on me." you grasp onto your dress and walk off. suddenly, ellie grabs your arm.

"let's go to my room, ok?" she says with a reassuring smile. god, that smile. who could say no to that? being in a room alone with her is probably all you need right now. you nod, letting her guide there.

・❥・

you wore ellie's clothes. her oversized grudge band shirt and a pair of flannel pants. pretty comfy than your dress. you laid down on the bed and she sat next to you. she gently rubbed your thigh. her touch was immaculate. her rough hands on your soft legs. it felt so nice. you feel her hand glide up to your waist, gently squeezing it. you felt a sort of arousal from this. wanting more. knowing ellie, she doesn't back down. she gets more aggressive as time goes on. this was just the beginning. the squeezing gets harder. she leans closer to you. "is this okay?" she whispered right into your ear. her hot breath on your neck. god. you nod. "yes- it is." ellie smirked at your nervousness. it was cute to her. just when was about to put her lips against yours, a sudden knock occurs.

ellie quickly moved away from you and yelled out. "who is it?" your heart was beating loud. please.. don't ruin this moment. "its the queen." fuck. your mom, of course. ellie puts the covers over you and gets out of the bed to open the door. "yes? what do you need, your majesty?" ellie asked. the queen looks down at ellie. "is my daughter in here?" ellie rubs her nose, it was a habit of hers. a cute one at that. "uh, blair?" the queen smiles a little and shakes her head. "don't act inarticulate. y/n, obviously." her big words confuse ellie in a way. ellie's usual language was just swear words. "ah- well, no." ellie smiles nervously. the queen looks away for a moment. "you certain?" she says again. ellie nods. "certain indeed!" ellie clears her throat, trying not to act so "enthusiastic". the queen nods and takes a step back. "very well then. sleep well, knight." the queen walks away and ellie shuts the door.

you uncover yourself and look at ellie. ellie sighs in relief. she walks back into the bed and lays down. she smirked again. that damn smirk. she patted on her legs. "c'mere." she said. you crawled over and go on top of her, ellie held your thighs down so you could straddle on her.

"now, where were we?"

[dalphahale]

Alright, I said I wasn't going to do this but I am over it and want to share my side of things so I don't have to again. Rant below.

It's come to my attention that a former RP partner of mine has been spreading lies about me and my character. She has told multiple circles that I am abusive, a gaslighter, and a manipulator without providing any proof of this information. I met this partner in March 2023 and we talked until February 2024. During this time, she smothered me and my character so much that I didn't really want to write anymore. I was afraid that if I posted online at all, she would notice and make some comment or see why I wasn't replying to our threads. I did point out to her that I didn't like all the recognition but it took me a long time to realize that I was unhappy on this platform because she tried to take all my time and attention. I dreaded being on here or on discord. I started to distance myself as I didn't enjoy my interactions but I felt like I needed to stick around as a friend because she was often sick and complaining to me about her chronic illness. This made me feel like I couldn't abandon her as she often seemed very lonely and I did feel bad that she was stuck inside because of the illness. I realize now that she used this more as a manipulation to likely keep me around and it worked until I couldn't deal with the constant messages, reblogs, ship posts, videos, whatever it was. I told her I no longer wanted to speak about anything that wasn't writing and that she needed to stop making me her sounding board for everything going on in her life.

She did not like the fact that I said no more to her and blocked me without any explantion. She then went around to multiple people that I do not know and accused me of being an abuser. I was far from that, I was a friend that listened and tried my best to be there for her when she needed it. I could not say the same about her. We knew each other for almost 11 months and she barely asked anything about me. When I told her I think I need to put my 17 year old cat down, all she said was "at least she had a good life" and then continued onto her own narcissistic spiral that was all about herself. Even when I told her I don't want to talk anymore about anything that isn't writing as I felt like we didn't have much of a friendship, she countered with "what do you mean? I just asked you about your job LAST WEEK." Mind you, we had known each other for 11 months and that was all she could come up with that she asked me about. Not how I was doing, how my life was going, not what kind of plans I had for the weekend, it was just one question she asked me a week before while she constantly trauma dumped and talked about herself to me.

Now, I blocked her and she blocked me in February and I wouldn't be bringing this all up if people didn't keep messaging me saying that this person has told them multiple lies about me and even claimed that she interacted with their characters just so I would see it and feel some type of way about it. She even began to write her own Derek, which is fine, I do not gatekeep Derek at all, but she wrote him purposely with someone I write with and tried to rub it in my face that her Derek was interacting with this person's characters. She would be sad to know that I never noticed as I rarely go on the dash and at that point I was dealing with my cat and could care less about Tumblr or what she was doing on it.

With all this information I would also like to say that this person is known for changing blogs often and this is because she gets in drama a lot on this site and needs to go into hiding and change her partners up so that they don't find out about her bullshit. She has taken characters, ideas, partners, and has collected faceclaims. She has also recently blocked a lot of her RP partners without any explanation why. She used to complain to me about people stealing her ideas or her characters but in reflection about all this I realize that it was her that stole most of the faceclaims and plotpoints she wanted to write. Her behavior since February has not changed, she's still a self absorbed, chronically online person who likes to create drama in every relationship she has. She does not care about you unless she can use you and she will manipulate you to think that you are the only person she will ever want to write with. You aren't. Just remember how many people she's lied to, hurt, and blocked and how many new blogs she needed so she could hide and write with people who know nothing about her yet.

That being said, I have had this blog over 10 years. I have not had any drama on this blog and I have not done anything that has made me need to hide myself as I genuinely believe in not having drama on here and keeping this website as fun as it can be. I have not abused anyone in my life and I do believe I'm a nice person that's willing to be a listening ear if you need it. I understand that a lot of you have gone through terrible things with her as well which I am truly sorry that you were put through all that and that I believed her when she said a lot of you were stealing her characters and ideas. I wish I had seen the red flags then so I wouldn't be needing to write this long post explaining everything. I do believe it's best to move on and just forget about said person as they thrive on attention which is why after this post I will not be making anymore about her. If you need to talk, feel free to DM me, other than that this chapter and drama is closed for me.

xoxo

G

[catras-witchy-girlfriend]

For However Long Is Forever

Catra x Reader

CW: LONG, smut, porn w/plot, kind of a sequel to Finally Free but can be read alone, soft sex, comfort sex, vanilla, gentle, sweet, no assigned roles, just making love, each other's first time, slight pain play maybe?

With her head resting upon yours you both began to sway in the kitchen of your little house. Far from the world, from the princesses, from the horde and all it's nightmares.

Catra's ears were pulled back, purrs rumbling softly from her chest against the soothing music from the record player. Hearing that familiar sound warmed your heart, her purrs were so rare in the horde.

It had only been a few weeks since you both escaped, and while difficult, you both made due.

About a minute later and the songs were over, but still you remained in each other's arms for just a moment longer.

"I never thought..." Catra began, softly whispering against your ear, "I never thought it could be like this..."

You smiled warmly against her shoulder, and held her tighter, "Do you like it?"

Catra rested her hands further down your waist, and sighed contently as she closed her eyes. "Yeah, I think I do."

You turned your head slightly to leave gentle kisses across her neck, "me too, kitten."

You felt as her jaw set for a moment and her voice grew serious, "What if someone tries to take this from us?"

"They won't..."

"How can you be sure?"

You thought for a moment, "because we won't let them..."

"But how?" She stressed, pulling back from you slightly to look you in the eye, "How are we going to stop them? We're only two people, we have no army, no weapons, no allies, we're-"

"Kitten," you said sternly to cut through her spiral and pulled her back into you, wrapping her arms around her waist. "I know it's scary, neither of us really know how to do... this, but I want to learn with you! So lets-"

You sighed and placed both hands on her cheeks, caressing her face softly with your thumbs, "-lets not worry about that right now, okay? Let the princesses and the horde fight their little wars, and for now? Just...just stay with me, please."

You looked to her with pleading eyes that she couldn't resist and she sighed.

Catra hugged you warmly and mumbled grumpily into your hair, "I hate you..."

You laughed and pushed her back gently, "Why? Because I said you can't worry!?"

"Exactly!" She laughed along with you, "I'm trying to come up with defense plans and you're luring me in with that stupid cute little face!"

"Oh I'm sooooo sorry my cute little face is so distracting, kitten~!" You teased.

She sighed dramatically, "Oh give it a rest, princess-" she smirked with her arms crossed, "-besides it's not like I like you or anything~"

"No, no you're right-" your voice laced with a false sadness that quickly revealed itself to be teasing as you gloated childishly, "-you looveeee me~!"

"I'm gonna get you, you dumba-!"

Knowing what would follow you shrieked with laughter and sped in the opposite direction from her and toward your shared bedroom as she chased after you.

As you entered your room and went to close the door to slow her down she picked you up and tackled you onto the bed.

"Nuh uh, no one's gonna save you now, cutie~" she teased in a sing song voice as you playfully struggled underneath her.

You grabbed a pillow and lightly hit her with it while saying between giggles, "You. Are. So. Mean!"

She grabs the pillow as you go to hit her with it again and snatches it from your hand before pinning you down, "Trust me, princess, I can be much much worse~"

Your nose crinkled cutely as you stuck your tongue out at her which she scoffed at and mumbled with playfully annoyance, "You're such a brat, you know that?"

"Maybe~" you shrugged with a wide grin.

After a moment or two she relaxed on top of you, her purrs vibrating between you both as she let go of your hands and moved them to your face as she caressed your cherry cheeks.

"Ive never seen you smile like that-"

You tried to look away from her sheepishly but she softly grabbed you by the chin to pull you back.

"-no wait, I-I like it." Her dazzling two tone eyes admired you beneath her, "You really have always been beautiful, princess. I'm so sorry it took me so long to notice it..."

With your heart swelling in your chest your eyes fell to her pretty red lips.

Your mouth parted slightly as you looked back up into her eyes and suddenly you felt light. As though the world had disappeared.

There was no war, no princesses, no horde, no betrayal, no heartache, no trauma, and no pain.

It was just you and Catra.

"A-are you sure?" Catra asked in response to a question you were too love drunk to even recall asking her, "I've never um...heh-"

She sat up, straddling your lap as you sat up as well, "I've never kissed anyone before..."

And just like that you saw someone you had missed for a long long time, you saw Catra.

Her eyes wide with curiosity and eagerness. Her tail swaying by the tip, and a soft smile across her face.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't love Force Captain Catra. You'd be lying if you said you didn't love the power she held, the confidence, the pride, and the ambition. All things that turned what was once a childish crush into yearning and want.

But you loved Catra too. The girl you fell for in training when you were younger. The girl who would startle you by leaping from the shadows, that high pitched laugh as she notices you jump, and then the care of her asking if you were alright.

"Neither have I-" you admitted sheepishly before taking a deep breath to still your nerves and placing a soft hand on the nape of her neck, "-but I've always hoped it would be with you."

You began leaning in before whispering inches away from her mouth, "Can I kiss you, Catra~?"

She wrapped her arms over your shoulders and whispered a soft, "yes."

With her permission you pulled her in gently, your heart hammering in your chest as her lips met yours. Your body shivered under her weight and you whimpered ever so softly before she pulled away.

Her eyes were wide, almost dazed, as her purrs rumbled between the both of you, "Woah..." she said simply.

Your face flushed, "W-was that okay?"

"I think so," Catra paused for a moment as she reached her hand out to caress your face once more, "but...I think I want to try again, if that's okay with you."

You felt as though you were caught in a trance, "Yes, please..." you shifted beneath her slightly as you felt something you had never really felt before, "please kiss me again, kitten~"

So she did.

Leaning and grabbing your face between her hands she pulled you into a deeper, more passionate and confident kiss.

You could feel her hot breath against your face, her nose bumping against yours, and her fangs ever so gently grazing your soft lips.

Between the frenzied kisses you ran your tongue across her bottom lip. She seemed to get the message as she parted her lips and allowed your tongue to explore her mouth with yours.

By now you were both a mess. With her hands combing through your hair and your hands roaming over her lean body as you moaned into each other.

"C-can I-" you attempted to ask between your kiss, gently placing your hand on her breast, "Can I touch you here, kitten~?"

"Yes, yes~" she mewled out. "F-fuck, why does this feel so good~?"

Her tail wrapped tightly around your thigh as she kissed you even more roughly, and desperately.

"D-dont question it, kitten," you told her through short pants and gasps for air, "just feel it, just l-let me take care of you~!"

This time she was the one to whine as you groped her tits over her shirt and as you kissed her deeper and deeper.

"Mmfh!" She mewled as you took her by surprise and gently laid her down flat on the soft mattress.

You pulled away from her for just a moment, your faces mere inches apart as you softly whispered for only her to hear:

"Gods above, you're lovely, kitten~" as you slowly ran a finger down from her chest, to her stomach, "I want...I want to show you...I want to show you how much I love you."

Her brilliant eyes were fixated on you as an audible gulp slid down her throat, "w-what do you mean, princess?" Though you could tell by the growing volume of her purrs that she already knew.

"I..." You were blushing wildly as you stated, "I want to make love to you, Catra~"

Still unsure, you slid up her body so you were laying on top of her and caressing your cheek, "I want to touch you everywhere I can, I want to kiss all those pretty freckles, I want to fill you up with my love so fully that it's engraved on your bones so you never forget it, kitten~"

You felt her shiver and squirm a bit underneath you before she leaned in to kiss you once more and said confidently, "Then do it, princess, I trust you~"

With her permission you carefully undid her short black shoulder cover before bringing your hands to the back of her horde uniform and slowly began unzipping it.

You couldn't help but take in the details on her copper skin. Freckles you had never noticed before coated her shoulder blades and chest, and small tuffs of fur like hair traveled in a stripe down her stomach and to her v-line.

"You have to take the shorts off first~" her silvery voice broke through your thoughts, but as you looked back into her eyes she began to laugh, "holy shit, you should've seen your face! Aw, you're so red, princess~!"

"Catra, stop, this is supposed to be sexy~!"

"Sorry, princess it's just-" she laughs and tucks a stray piece of hair behind your ear, "-you're so fucking cute~"

You scrunched up your nose playfully before hooking your fingers over her one piece, boxers, and shorts before pulling them all off with one quick tug.

Catra gasped lightly at the sudden cold air against her warm skin. Her parted lips soon replaced by yours as you continued to kiss her passionately.

Your slightly chilled hands go down to grope her bare breasts and play with her nipples as they harden underneath your touch and she mewls in your mouth.

Catra pushes you up just enough to claw at your shirt while repeating, "Take this off, take this off," in a lusty voice until your shirt was, not only discarded, but likely torn to shreds.

You smiled warmly before moving down enough to kiss her jaw and neck.

Her deep purrs echo throughout your room, her clawed hands tangled in your hair as she whimpers.

As you begin leaving wet open mouthed kisses across her neck and collarbone Catra moves a hand down from your hair to your back before-

"AAhh!" You wince, arching your back and pushing your bare chest against hers and whimpering to catch your breath as you adjust to the stinging sensation.

"Shit-!" Catra gently pushed you up just a little, still out of breath herself, "I-Im so sorry, princess! I didn't mean to scratch-"

"Hey, hey-" You cooed before brushing her cheek softly with your thumb, "I-its okay, it's okay, I um..."

Blood rushed to your face as you blushed, "I kinda liked it~"

There was a soft, and concerned look on her face, "A-are you sure?"

You shook your head with a smile, looking down at your intertwined limbs, "Hell yeah! So please-"

You nuzzled her cheek with the tip of your nose before whispering in her soft ear, your hot breath making it twitch slightly, "-I don't wanna stop, kitty, not until I give you every bit of pleasure you deserve~"

She purrs loudly, turning her face to kiss you hot and passionately. Though in her haste to return to your lips she mistakenly rubbed herself against your leg.

Her claws returned to your shoulders, no doubt leaving their own marks again, as she tensed and gasped.

The look so gave you was one you had never seen before. Her usually piercing eyes were dulled by her need as she kept looking down between her legs.

"Oh? Did you like that, kitty~?" You asked coyly.

Through her purrs she whispers sweetly, "I-I think so...can I do it, again?"

Your heart swelled by the sight of her so desperate for you. The woman who once was your force captain, was now under you longing to be touched and loved in a way she never had before. To say you felt honored was a deep understatement.

You held on to her hips gently and pushed your knee against her center more, "Of course, kitten, do what ever makes you feel good, okay?"

She nodded and then began grinding herself against your leg.

"Thats it, kitty, does that feel good~?"

"Uh huh~" she whimpers as she watched herself before turning her head, her cheeks flushed, and hiding her mouth with her hand.

You began rocking your hips with her movements before noticing she was trying to hide her moans.

So you leaned down, grabbed her hand, and pulled it away. "Please don't do that, kitty~" you said as you kissed her lips softly, "don't hide your pleasure, you deserve it~"

You grabbed a pillow from your side of the bed and placed it behind her so she was sitting up just a bit more so you could rub your knee against her cunt more purposefully.

"You deserve-" you started as you kissed her lips again, "every bit-" and kissed her temple, "of pleasure, kitty~"

"Then give it to me~" An odd mix between a growl and hiss left her mouth as she began trying to pull down your pants with one hand while the other was wrapped around the back of your throat. "Give it to me, now~"

As you slipped out of your pants she pulled you back and began kissing, licking, and biting your neck.

You moaned loudly at the suddenness, your eyes rolling back as though she had you in a trance.

"Touch me~" she moaned into your ear as she grabbed your free hand and moved it between her legs, "be a good girl for me, and touch me~"

With one hand between her legs you moved the other into her hair. Your hand roaming through it, messing up her mane every time she found a particular sensitive spot against your neck which Catra was so keen on nursing until it was red before biting to be sure to leave her mark all over you.

With a soft whimper you began to play with her pussy lips.

"Fuck you're so beautiful, Catra~" you moaned against her ear as you rubbed her.

She licked up your jaw with her barbed tongue, her eyelashes fluttering against your cheek as she whispered slightly lost of breath, "Mmm, you think so, princess~?"

"Mhm hm~!" You hummed before both of you gasped as you slipped a finger through her slit, "F-fuck you're so wet~!"

Your moans mixed together as you rubbed her up and down before finding her clit.

Catra jolted slightly in your arms, "Oh fuck~!" She moaned lowly, her purrs rumbling deeply throughout the room as she rocked her hips against your fingers, "Right there, princess~! Oh fuck~! Yeah, yeah~!"

You rubbed the sensitive bud a bit faster, her claws once again marking up your back with shallow red scratches, but you didn't care.

Her pleasure was all that mattered as you rubbed her and held her in your arms as she rode your fingers. Whimpering and squirming, this was a side of Catra you never thought you'd see.

"Y/n, Y/n!" She struggled to find her words as her mind was mostly over taken by pleasure, "I feel...I feel...fuck I feel h-hot down there? Fuck~! S-should w-we stop?"

You slowed down softly, needing to catch your breath yourself, "I-If you want to stop w-we can, d-do you wanna stop, kitty?"

She looked up your body. Your breasts in her face, your chest heaving slightly, the bright red blush across your face, the concerned yet yearning look in your eyes.

Catra shook her head no.

"D-does it hurt?"

She thought for a second the burning tension in her stomach letting up slightly, then looked back up, "N-no, i-it felt good, I think..."

"D-do you wanna try again?" You asked her softly.

She bit her bottom lip between her fangs before wrapping her legs around your waist and her arms around your shoulders, "Yes...p-please, princess~"

You smiled coyly before putting your fingers in your mouth to tease her, only for you to moan, "F-fuck, you taste so good, kitten~"

You looked up at her sheepishly before looking back down between her thighs, "C-can I...can I kiss you down there, kitten?"

Though slightly nervous, the innocent look on your face compelled her as she removed her legs from your waist and spread them open, "Go on, princess~"

As you moved down her body you made sure to leave opened mouthed kisses in your tracks. From her lips to her jaw, to her neck to her collarbone, to her breast to her tummy, to her v-line to...well;

Catra rested her hands in your messy bedroom hair as you looked up at her before kissing around her pussy lips.

However her sent was hypnotizing and you just couldn't help but want more of her so you quickly spread her lips with your fingers and began lapping up her leaking arousal.

"Ooh~!" She mewled as her hips raised up towards your face and hissed, "Fuck that feels so good princess~!"

So you continued, licking up every bit of the mess she made of herself before finding her entrance. Your curiosity got the better of you as you tongued it teasingly, slipping your tongue in and out.

She pulled on your hair so hard it made you cry out and grip onto her thighs tightly as she dragged you back up to her clit, "Fuck me, princess~! Please~! Please no more teasing, I want you, I want you so bad~!"

The desperation in her voice was all you needed to be compelled to do anything she said.

Closing your eyes you began licking around her hardened bud, moaning into her as you revealed in the taste.

Catra let out a deep mewl and arched her back while keeping your head in place. "S-shit! Mmm faster, princess~! C'mon, just a little aahh f-faster~!"

Immediately doing as she said you flicked your tongue faster against her clit before deciding to wrap your lips around her and begin sucking.

Her hips twitched up again and she borderline screamed from pleasure, her thighs tightening around your head as her arousal leaked down your chin.

"Oh fuck~! Oh fuck~! Don't stop, princess~! That-! Ohh, it feels so good~!!"

You continued to lick and suck on her at the same pace, as you moaned and gasped, the vibrations only making it more pleasurable for Catra.

"P-princess-! Ah, ah~! I-its hot again~!" She whimpered as her legs began to shake around you.

Alternating between sucking and licking on her sensitive bud and greedily taking mouthfuls of her pussy into your mouth, you held onto her hand.

"J-just relax, kitty~" you looked at her through bedroom eyes before gently rubbing her freckled thigh with your free hand, "I'm right here, fuck, I'm right here, j-just try to relax~"

She nodded as she combed her claws through your hair, gasping and moaning through her purrs.

Her eyes fluttered shut as she tried to relax, enjoying the feeling of you worshiping her delicious pussy. The feeling of your tongue lapping her up, your hand rubbing her thigh as you tried to soothe her and it was all too much.

The heat pooled between her legs began to build and build until all at once it released in a blinding light as her eyes rolled back and she screamed in pleasure from the top of her lungs.

Her legs shook against your head as her thighs clamped shut around you before she squirted and came on your tongue.

Catra's purrs echoed through the room as she caught her breath, and her tail softly curled around your waist.

You cleaned her up ever so softly with your tongue knowing that she would still be sensitive, but not even a moment later you felt her graze her claws over your cheek before tilting your head up to look at her,

"That...that felt so good, princess. You did such a good job for me~" she praised.

Knowing you made the woman you love feel good brought the brightest smile to your face and Catra couldn't help but laugh;

"You're such a cutie, ya know, princess~?"

You blushed softly before going to lay down next to her as she returned your pillow to your side of the bed and cuddled you, your bodies intertwined.

You flattened her messy hair so you could rest your chin on top of her head and kissed her temple. "I'm so happy I made you feel good, kitten, you needed it...you deserved it." You whispered.

She rubbed your back softly 'til you jumped and your face twisted in a grimace as she remembered the swallow scratches she left on you,

She moved to escape your grasp but you instead held her tighter.

"Where are you going?" You pouted.

"I'm just going to get a towel so we can clean up your back, princess."

You huffed childishly and pulled her back, "Nooo, I want to hold you, come back!"

She rolled her eyes playfully, "it's gonna hurt like a bitch tomorrow if we don't clean them up now."

You nuzzled your face in the crook up her neck and mumbled, "That sounds like a problem for future Y/n..."

Catra snickered and ran her fingers through your hair, "Yeah well then future Y/n better not be complaining tomorrow because of current Y/n's mistakes."

"Yeah, yeah whatever-" you sighed as you finally successfully pulled Catra back into bed with you, "just stay with me...please."

She looked down at you fondly as you moved to laying just above her soft chest and wrapped you up in her arms.

"Always, princess"

"Promise?"

That word sent a chill down her spine. You sounded so sweet, so peaceful, so hopeful, but Catra learned the hard way that promises often seemed to come with an expiration date.

But then again...as she looked back down at you and took in your restful face in your afterglow, the warmth of your body, the weight of your comforter, and soft natural light of your small home she thought, 'maybe promises don't last forever...'

'but for however long we have left...'

"...Yes, princess, I promise."

[goddesspharo]

For the Fanfiction Writing Asks: 35, 36, 40, 46, 56, and 75. A lot, but you’re a fave and I’m so curious!

[fic writing asks!]

Thanks for asking!

35. What's your favorite fic you've posted?

Definitely can't fake what you can't break up with, which I will finish soon. (I think I'm so slow about writing-not writing the last chapter because there's a part of me that doesn't want it to end because it has been so much fun to write! It's been a ton of fun to take a very trope-y soapy concept (drunk married in Vegas, continued marriage For Reasons) and spin it out into all the things. It's also ridiculously long so this year when NaNoWriMo rolls around and I say that I can't do it because I can't possibly meet that type of word count in a month, it'll be a bold-faced lie.

36. What fic are you proudest of?

Probably not every conversation is a new grenade, a post-The Batman fic that was, up until then, the longest fic I'd ever written at like 16k (I wish I could keep things that short these days!) after like a five year gap of not writing any fic. There would be a point during the writing process in the past when I'd just get tired of writing a thing and finish it while leaving a bunch of things I wanted to incorporate on the cutting room floor, but I really saw this one through. I'd only watched The Batman once (maybe twice?) before sitting down to write this - it was pretty early into the theatrical release so WB hadn't kicked it onto Max yet - so I'm particularly pleased with how on point the voices were. I also love nearly every iteration of Bruce/Selina and therefore don't write them as much (it's the old Austenian "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more") because I cannot be objective about how they should just be together, why won't you just let them be together, DC so probably the biggest accomplishment of all is that I even wrote this. It was also just a blast to do and gave me an excuse to bust out the 90s grunge playlist at the very beginning and then just listen to so much BANKS that I could not stop for weeks afterwards.

40. What is your favorite world that you've created for a fic?

The Bear as a band AU in put in in a zip-lock bag. Interestingly, a very natural stretch to transplant people from a chaotic kitchen setting to a chaotic, dysfunctional band setting. Mikey as a Kurt Cobain figure practically writes itself. Years of Behind the Music made this possible! I loved the experience of writing that fic and I loved that world! Everyone could be quietly devastated without burning down the kitchen (no promises about the Lollapalooza stage though).

46. If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I was going to say Enemies-to-Lovers, hands down, but that's not an AU, I guess. It would be boring to write one type of AU forever, but if I had to choose I'd go with the tried and true spy AU. (...she says as she still has her current spy!AU remains in WIP hell.) As Sydney Bristow has taught us, Spy!Barbie can be anything so you could theoretically have an AU within your one AU and game the system. Also spies are the best! All popped collars and dead drops and so much guilt about the things they've done and the people they've let down. God, we need Alias back and by that I mean put the original show on streaming with the original music since every replacement track they used because they couldn't get licensing for streaming is terrible.

56. Are there any fics that you would change or rewrite if given the chance?

That is one spiral I refuse to go down! Once it's out there, it is what it is. I've never wanted to go back and change any fics in a big way (I have gone back and fixed a grammatical error here and there that escaped notice during the editing process) because I wouldn't post it if I wasn't happy with it at the time. There are fics that I wish I had maybe finished before posting (ah, TGM!spy!AU, why are you so elusive?) because now they are albatrosses that I want to finish, know exactly how to finish, and yet can't finish.

75. Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn't expect?

I never know how anything will be received so I don't even try to guess. I operate on a "don't time the market" philosophy except about fic - it is beyond my control so why perseverate over it? I guess I was surprised by how much traction deflect and absorb got. I don't know why, but I think we were all riding the high of a new Jurassic Park movie after like fifteen years (longer if you ignore Jurassic Park III) and had yet to experience "The Worst Chris" burnout (ugh, he really is the worst though) when Jurassic World came out. It was definitely my big dumb blockbuster that summer! In 2015, it wasn't automatically guaranteed that everything would get a handful of shitty sequels so you could live in the space of just enjoying a movie for what it was without thinking about how they were going to mess it up by stretching it out past the expiration date.

[hallothere]

41 with... Lothrandir maybe? 👀

41. Panic attacks (and tw for associated content)

Alone was easier, most of the time, as opposed to being around other people. This is it, this is the thing that kills you. It's here, and it's coming and there's no stopping it now. Other people often had tells that were hard to stomach. A raised eyebrow. Alternatively, a frown. Techeron's face would pinch and his brows would crease up while he fought back the urge to use the 'And what's making you think that?' he asked when schooling. It's over. Feel that? That's death. That's already here and it's not stopping for you.

When he was alone, he could lie down, press the heels of his hands into his eyes and counting his breathing. Sometimes for an hour, sometimes less. He would have a quiet place to cry or to be sick. Being sick... that was one of the worst.

You're already dead. You just don't know it. But you'll feel it. You're feeling it all the way to the end.

The worst one in memory was with an audience. Here's the rest of your life. You're the last one. What's it going to be like, however long you have left, to be without them forever? He'd been bound, standing, feeling his heart hammering into the wooden post while the Wizard cocked his head. Amused. You know what you saw before you left. Dead. That was the sound of them dying. And he's told you the ways it happened, some of them. Do you even want to think about it? Can you afford not to?

He'd blacked out that time. He'd wept, never more thankful that the fear always dissipated on waking.

But he didn't always have the luxury of sleep. It's not really over. It's a trick, just one more in the downward spiral. You're on borrowed time. At least now you won't be alone when it hits. Be on your guard, and maybe you'll see it coming, however much good that will-

"Dagoras."

Lothrandir stood just outside the circle of the fire. There were a few Ithilien Rangers with mugs of ale, Rohirrim with mead, and the appreciative exchange happening between them. Dagoras turned and found his face. He didn't frown.

"Lothrandir. Need anything?" he asked as if he couldn't guess.

"If I could tear your from the revelry for a moment-" he paused to look at the assembled company and grinned, "-We won't be long."

Dagoras sighed heavily, for the benefit of the assembly. Lothrandir saw the mug go down to the log seat unfinished, saw Dagoras' face steel a second before sliding back into unconcerned acceptance.

"Keep my seat warm, will you? I'm getting too old for cold nights." It meant nothing. Everything. Past the line of tents and behind the heavy trunk of a culumalda, Lothrandir pushed his face into his hands.

"It... it is over? The War? The generals, at least, please tell me something is ended--"

Dagoras' face seemed to droop in recognition. Not in resignation, or reluctance. Compassion. Pity.

"The worst of it, yes." He spoke softly even for their relative isolation. "If the evidence in the air isn't enough, the evidence in your heart either-" here Dagoras set a hand on his shoulder and Lothrandir held onto it right back, "-then we can trust Mithrandir. Frodo cast the Ring into the fires of Doom, and that much has ended things. You saw him too, did you not? He wasn't some trick of the light. Mithrandir, too, seems glad, and we all know there's precious little that causes that these days."

Lothrandir managed a laugh. His eyes stung, and his head hung there a moment longer while the words sank in.

"Tell me again, then." Dagoras spoke up after a moment. "Like you did in Pelargir. Name the fear, that I might know it and dispel it."

Lothrandir took a deep breath. "That... that we didn't really win. That I have.." He swallowed hard. Dagoras didn't interrupt. "...That I have you all back, and I'm going to lose you. That orcs are going to sweep down from that hill over there and cut us down to a man."

Dagoras paused to look at the hill. "It's a worthy concern, don't mistake me." He pulled Lothrandir to his side, facing the hill, but did not insist Lothrandir look. "It's wise to be vigilant, but our Ithilien cousins scouted the hill. They did find trolls- turned to stone- and a few orcs trying to scavenge their caches. Our friend took care of those. Every hiding place of the enemy on that hill has been scattered. Better yet, the Eagles have taken great delight in picking off stragglers. I think I overheard Gwaihir compare them to fleas."

Lothrandir laughed again, deeper, and Dagoras ran a hand down the back of his head to his shoulders, again and again. Lothrandir felt something like a skittish horse, but didn't move to complain.

"Thank you" he said.

"Come find me any time. Any time at all, Lothrandir." Dagoras continued to tend to him like a frightened foal without complaint. "Or, if I'm not there, try one of the others." Lothrandir stiffened, and he felt it. "At least sit with one of them. For a minute- I'm not asking you bare your heart." More quietly, he continued, "Radanir is much the same. You may bristle, but he will try to help in his own way."

Lothrandir remained still for the measure of a few more breaths. Then, he straightened. He clasped Dagoras' hand tightly.

"Thank you." He repeated. We're alright. We're going to be alright.

[ikamigami]

Absolutely WILD that someone told you not to vague post THAT PERSON while THAT PERSON literally BLASTED YOUR NAME for everyone to see while calling you disturbing for relating to a suicidal character which led people to talk horribly about you and plummeted your mental health. But oh no! You're bad for talking about them without even mentioning their name /sarc LIKE??? You have feelings too! Why excuse THAT PERSON??? Because they're a big blog? Honestly fuck that anon and fuck THAT PERSON

Thank you, dear anon 🥹💗

Also yeah.. that anon said that they don't mean harm.. and you know what? I realized that for them it wasn't probably that serious cause even if they said that I'm disturbing.. they had the audacity to tell me that they were laughing at my theories - that person and their friend - and.. it hurt.. cause I was genuinely scared that Sun may kill himself..

But what hurt the most was when that person just when they found out form someone else who tried to defend me but they thought that it was actually me.. when they found out that I was passively suicidal..

They just said that no one knew.. and in the same sentence they felt okay to call me disturbing and that I was dragging everyone to these conversations?! When that's not true!

No one knew.. but when I tried to say that I relate to Sun and explain why I think that he might be suicidal.. they didn't listen, screaming you're projecting! ...

But apparently they can relate to other characters, they can project their own experiences onto these characters long before we learn how things are in canon..

But apparently I can't..

I was spiraling after what that person said.. I started panicking.. my breath was heavy, I was lightheaded and shaking.. tears started falling down my face.. and suicidal thoughts appeared.. but it weren't words.. I saw vivid scenes of cutting my arms with various sharp objects and jumping off high places.. the only thought that crossed my mind was that maybe I really should just kill myself after all..

I was scared.. and I was thinking to myself "you're so stupid, where these thoughts came from? you don't want to do that.." but it didn't change anything.. that I was feeling awful.. I was venting in my blog.. or rather I just wanted to get out just my feelings.. that maybe I should just delete everything what I wrote for sams..

I kept crying, I fell asleep feeling like shit.. I had awful dream where my family found out about my lies.. they found out that I'm not a good person.. because I was hiding the truth.. I was crying in my dream and later I was crying the next day..

I felt awful.. you may think that how can I remember all of this so vividly? I remember most of my dark moments in life.. things that I usually don't remember are if my words or actions were hurtful or not.. but not in the sense - I don't remember so it didn't happen.. no, I wish.. it's usually that "hmm I don't remember but if this person is hurt I mostly definitely said or did something hurtful.."

I just can't tell.. I can't.. I don't know.. especially if something is triggering my delusions I can't tell what's true and what isn't.. "they're all definitely right about me, I am disturbing and awful.."

I was struggling with depression long before this happened but I was in better mental state because I didn't hear that voice anymore.. but in fact I was in denial.. I wasn't doing as good as I thought..

And problems irl.. my own health problems and my family health problems and mental issues.. I was worried about them.. and all of this mixed with how that person and their friend treated me.. it caused my mental state to worsen..

I became paranoid and delusional and I thought that people will jump at me angry because I did something wrong.. because I'm bad.. I was experiencing hallucinations mostly auditory but sometimes visual as well.. but these things weren't anything big.. but I was scared I was jumpy.. I was irritated.. and I was depressed.. I couldn't sleep, I didn't have an appetite.. I couldn't concentrate on anything.. on any work.. I felt like my brain was made of cotton.. and had a really low mood..

And I admit that I was exaggerating about Sun.. because of my own mental state.. but I was afraid that he'll kill himself..

It wasn't the first time when I was projecting onto a fictional character.. but you may call me dumb but I didn't know that I was doing that.. because I wasn't aware that I'm not fine.. I just thought that I like angst and I like torturing my favourites.. only fairly recently I realized that I was projecting.. and I realized that I was doing it to cope.. yeah it sounds stupid that I didn't know that.. but that's how it is..

Also what was awful.. is that even when I apologized for being rude and exaggerating.. it didn't change how people saw me.. there's nothing I can do about it.. it is what it is.. people believed that person because they're famous in this fandom.. and I'm nobody so it had to be true that I'm disturbing, raging and obsessed fan that wants Sun to kill himself - and that was what hurt the most.. that people think that I wanted Sun to be suicidal and depressed.. when in fact I was scared that he is suicidal and depressed.. that he has depressive psychosis.. I was scared about it.. but for people I was awful..

Thankfully I have very loving family and i met caring friends here and even wonderful anons like you.. you all helped through my lowest moments.. I can't thank you all enough for this 💗🫂

I'm sorry for this vent.. I just want to share my feelings about all of this..

I hope you don't mind, dear anon 💗

Thank you and all of you who support me for being so kind and caring and understanding.. thank you 💗🫂

[starliit]

🌿 author portrait .

get to know the author behind the blog! repost, do not reblog.

basics .

name/nickname: rook; ryan age: 30 pronouns : he/they years of writing : uh....many. I think I picked up writing either stories or poetry at a very young age, probably early elementary school (so like...age 8-10) probably soon after the concept of stringing together sentences into storytelling made sense to me.

reflection .

why did you pick up writing? it's been so long, i don't think i really remember. i was an avid reader back then though and full of trauma and a drive to escape - so i think it was my way of therapy in a time when i couldn't get it and it spiraled from there.

do you have any writing routines? not set in stone. even when nano comes round and I TRY to have a routine, it doesn't work. I do have little tiny routines when I sit down and I'm really in the mood to do my drafts - I'll get some water/soda, start a playlist based on what I'm writing and dive in. But that's the closest to a routine that I've got.

what's your favorite part about writing? it's an escape. not only for me - but for the people that read it (or so I hope). growing up i've always been an avid supporter for storytelling and how cultures have their different ways of passing down stories and how you so easily get lost in them. but also for me, it's definitely a way to safely and more appropriately sort out my own feelings about certain things going on in my life. it's definitely a type of therapy for sure.

three things you like about your writing. hoo boy uh...

i personally like my character building. kaveh is my first functional canon character in a very long time, but otherwise I'm an oc writer and I personally believe that I fabricate pretty decently outlined backgrounds for my characters that make them delicious for people to interact with. just my personal take anyway askdjlaskj further i'm really in love with my descriptions of a character's actions, like how they go about doing things, particularly the use of their hands. Uh....this is hard kids. I like that it contains a part of myself in it to be honest. Like sometimes people get worried about projecting onto a character and sometimes I do too, but like...I write characters and themes I relate to, and if you see the author inside the muse - particularly my ocs, I think I've done my job.

have you ever given up on writing? Not exactly. Even when I'm not roleplaying, I'm probably writing either bits of my novels or one-shots for other characters. The only time I've ever taken a serious writing break was during a really low, stressful point in my life where I wasn't doing ANYTHING but working and sleeping to be honest. There wasn't any time to do anything else.

But like mercyburned said: just because I take a break or don't have writing mojo doesn't take away the fact that I'm a writer. I always come back. I think to give up on it would require I never come back and I always crawl right back. sldslkd

a question for the next person .

LORI's QUESTION: if you could give advice to someone just beginning their foray into writing, what three things would you tell them?

You're going to come back to something you wrote in a few months or years and you're going to think it sucks - this does not mean you were a bad writer when you wrote it. It simply means you've progressed over time. Better writing does not mean you were bad before.

Not everyone is going to like what you write and that's okay. You don't like everything you read either, and if you say you do you're a liar. Write for the folks who DO enjoy your stuff, don't burn yourself out trying to please everyone. It's not going to work.

You don't need anything fancy to be a writer. A nice laptop, a cool pen or notebook - these are all nice things to have, but you can write on a receipt paper if it's what you have. Your set up does not a writer make.

write a question for the next person to answer. once you've answered it, leave a new question for someone else to answer.

next question: What are your favorite themes to work into your writing?

tagging: @glacialswordsman @sncwlight @fortifice @papilio-anima @dhabibi & you tagged by: stole it from @mercyburned

[ososimilar]

WINTERSTAR LOVERS

CHAPTER 6- SEBASTIAN

He walked around the corner, far enough away that he figured Alex wouldnt find him and fell to the ground crying. Alex’s words echoed in his mind. “I was beginning to think you were a homo or something.” Those words played on loop his head. Is it that obvious? He knows he looks stupid, he knows it's embarrassing to sit there in the snow crying. He knows he has no explanation for this if somewhere were to stumble upon him. Pull yourself together. He willed himself to stop crying. After a few minutes he was able to compose himself enough to get up. He was still sniffling but he figured he could blame it on the cold.

He stood up, straightened his jacket and began his walk home. He kept rubbing his eyes, trying to hide the fact he was crying 5 minutes ago. I hope Robins is not working right now, I don't need her seeing me like this. He got to the door of his house, took a deep breath, twisted the doorknob and went inside. He closed the door, and as quiet as possible he dashed around the corner and down the stairs into his room. He threw open the door, took off his jacket and collapsed onto the bed. He put his face in his pillow as his sobbing continued. He hated himself for only being able to stop it for the short trip home.

He hated himself for not being stronger. Not being able to stand up to Alex. He hated himself for being gay. Should I have said something to Alex? Should I say something to Sam? Should I have even been born in the first place? That comment from Alex had sent Sebastian into a complete downward spiral. Seb felt like he could never face the world again. He felt like rotting away in his room. So he laid there, crying. Until he couldn't cry anymore.

He had no idea how much time had passed. From his position in bed he heard a chime come from his computer. He didn't want to move, all he wanted was to lay there forever. But then there was a second, and third message chime. “Ugh.” He groaned and got up to look at the messages. They were from Abby.

The first message was in a private chat with just the two of them: “Hey, are you doing okay?” The other two messages were in their group chat for D&D. From Abby: “hey we still on for tonight?” Sam responded: “Hell yeah! I’ve been waiting for this finale! You better not let us down Seb.”

He clicked on the chat with Abby and tried to think of how to respond. Should I ask her what happened last night? Should I ask her what Alex was talking about? Maybe I should have her come early so I can meet with her. But if people knew that would send the wrong message. “Ugh!”

He typed out his message, being careful of his word choice: “What exactly happened last night? I had a weird conversation with Alex today.” He read that message over a few times before hitting send. His eyes wandered to the group chat. He didn't feel like responding. Sam seems excited, if I don't respond he’ll probably just show up anyways. He stared at his keyboard, trying to think of what to say. He couldn't form the words, couldn't think of a way out of this.

His eyes wandered to his mess of a bedroom. If they're gonna show up I guess I could clean a little bit. He got up, made his bed and tried his best to hide any evidence that he wasn't currently in the best headspace. He took out the trash, picked up all the laundry from his floor, and shoved it under his bed. Trying to give the room a semblance of cleanliness. He then grabbed all the dishes from his room and brought them to the kitchen. When he came back he stood in the doorway and scanned his room for anything he should clean. He saw a pack of cigarettes sitting on his desk. His body ached for a cigarette then he thought of Sam. The thought of Sam almost cured him of his withdrawal. Sam doesn’t like me anyways. Quitting is stupid when it wont have any effect. He argued with himself. Eventually he picked up the pack and threw it in a drawer where neither he, nor Sam would see it.

He stood and went back to looking at the room and once it passed a visual inspection he took a deep breath. This deep breath however, was a bad idea. As he breathed in he was hit with the smell of his room. His room reeked of depression. The room smelled stale, like the air there hadn’t moved in ages. Now this scent, this air, was suffocating to Seb. How do I fix the smell? A candle? Where do I even get a candle from? He knew his mom had candles somewhere in the house, but he figured the scent would just remind him of her. Which is not what he wanted.

He didn't know where to get a candle but he knew one thing; he couldn't stay here after noticing it, and he couldn’t let his friends notice it either. He grabbed his coat and wallet then headed out the door. He walked into town with his hands in his pockets, not wanting to see anyone. I could go to Pierre's place, but then I’d run into Abby. But maybe that's a good thing? But there may be other people there. At the end of the day he didn't have much of a choice as Pierres was the only store in town. He walked in and made a quick pass of all the shelves but he didn't see any candles. He went to look again when Pierre called out.

“Can I help you find something Sebastian?”

“Umm…” His voice got caught in his throat, maybe going out wasn't the best idea. “I’m… um… looking for scented candles.” He looked down at his feet, avoiding eye contact with Abbigails father.

“I dont sell scented candles, all the candles I have are unscented. But I know my wife has some. I think she bought them from Emily, I'd go check with her.” Pierre was awfully kind to Sebastian. Even though Sebastian knew Pierre Thought he was a bad influence on his daughter.

“I… Thank you.” He nodded to Pierre and turned to the door.

“So, I hear there's a chance you become my new son in law.” He said, his voice was incredulous. “You better treat my daughter well.”

“I will sir.” He didn't look back and left the door. It seemed like every time he left his house there was someone waiting to bombard him with questions. The worst part of it all was he still had no idea why people thought all of this. He walked toward Emily's house, looking at nothing but the path in front of him. In his mind if he didn't see them then they didn't see him.

He entered Emily's house and walked to her room. “Hey,” he said in a nervous voice as he knocked on the door.

”Come in!” She called from the other side, he opened the door and looked at her meekly. When she saw him she did a double take then swiftly put whatever was in her hand in the drawer. “You are not the visitor I was expecting.” She gave him a warm smile.

“Y-yeah.” he hesitated, avoiding eye contact with Emily, looking around the room instead. “Pierre told me you had scented candles I could buy.”

“Well he sent you to the right place, what kinda scent are you looking for? OOH! Even better, what kind of energy are you trying to bring with this candle?” She looked at him, her large eyes full of curiosity.

“Umm… I… uhh…” he looked at her trying to tell her he didn't know. “I just wanted my room to smell good .”

“Okay, is there an issue with the smell? What kind of smell do you want?” She walked over to a shelf and started listing off the scents. “I have pine, sea spray, lavender, cinnamon, vanilla, rosemary, peppermint, sage…” She listed a few more but Sebastian was already lost. She turned and looked at him. She saw his confusion and gave some suggestions. “I think if you want a natural smell, pine or sea spray, but if you want an herbal scent I’d say, sage, lavender, or vanilla.” He still didn't get it so she continued. “Sage is good for cleansing, lavender will help you sleep and help calm you, and vanilla is for attraction.”

Sebastian's face flushed as he heard the comment about vanilla. Emily must be very observant because she grabbed the vanilla candle and brought it to him.

“Smell this one.” She held it out at face level for him to sniff and he took in the sweet aroma.

“This one smells good. But… Love’s not really what I wanted it for.”

She looks at him unconvinced, but she's not one to argue.

“I'm having a group thing with Sam and Abigail so, it's a group thing. Not really the setting for love.” He gave a nervous chuckle hoping she’d drop it.

“Then try this one.” She brought him one with an earthy smell he couldn't place.

“Its sage, good for cleansing negative energy.” She handed it to him practically forcing him to take it from her.

“I guess ill take this one. H- how much do I owe you.” He set down the candle and fumbled with his wallet.

“20 dollars.”

He pulled out 20 dollars, handed it to Emily then put his wallet away. “T-thanks.” He picked up his candle.

“Wait.” Emily stopped him and brought him the vanilla candle. “Take this one too, it's on the house, I'm sure you'll need it.” She winked at him causing him to blush. He took the candle in his free hand before leaving. He felt better after talking to someone who wasn't digging for relationship gossip. But that comfort was short lived. As he left Emily's house he saw in the distance, Sam and Penny chatting on the bridge. Sebastian's heart dropped.

[twtd]

There is literally so much going on

My fp (who happens to be a system) got a new host back in January.... who wanted nothing to do with me. Completely cut me off.

They would send me TikToks but would refuse to answer me, when I asked about some other app they blocked me and that moment I split. I blocked them on tt so I wouldn't get their messages. They could still message me if they wanted but they couldn't just send a tt with a push of a button.

I've been working in therapy on this relationship for a while, it's been something that's been eating me inside. I used to talk to them all day everyday about everything and anything. And suddenly I get told to fuck off. It's been sending me into such a spiral that I've been holding onto anything by a fucking thread. I hated myself for literally how all of this was making me feel and they fact that I was letting myself feel that way.

Fast forward to today, it's been a fucking weird ass week already but I'm not going to get into that but I'm sitting down at home just nursing a migraine and I get a message that I thought was from a friend of mine so I opened it to respond. I looked to see who sent it and you guessed it, it was my fp. Bringing up the most casual conversation. Like they hadn't just ignored me the past month. Like they hadn't told me to fuck off. Like they didn't play mind games with me.

I've been called manipulative and abusive and a gaslighter when I have tried to tell people how I feel, what I think. I know how they treated me in this case, I have so much evidence that I could not make up. But I still can't leave. I fucking can't. I need to know they're ok I need to make sure that they know I care that I can pass whatever test they're giving me that I can be the best for them but also I just want to go back to an hour ago when they hadn't texted me and things weren't as complicated again and I know I wanted this but I don't want it but I want it but I don't want it but I don't want it but I want it but I don't want it but I don't want it but I want it but I don't want it

[hecatombi]

@coolrpblog ash for Jason // mobile starter

Yet again, Ash has found himself driven out of his home. It's ALWAYS because of his status as an accused murderer; even though he'd been acquitted of the charges, the fact remains that most people were far too freaked out about him living near them. Honestly, he didn't even commit those murders but nothing he could say could convince anybody in his hometown, or even those around him for a matter of fact. No matter what he did he was always driven out, cast aside, and he could barely keep a job at any local s-marts for longer than a week or two. And this isn't even touching on what mobs seemed to always form that would drive him out.

Is this all there was to his life now? ... Being known as a murderer? Nobody's ever thankful for his hero work - - not that they ever survive the things that he tries to protect them from, no matter how hard he works his ass off to make sure they do. There is no redemption for a guy like him, and whether he wants to admit it or not .... that is. Definitely a damper on his life, and on his attempts to move past it.

Now, he'd taken his shitty little RV camper and made a quick escape -- though his car was pretty banged up, she'd seen worse days. What matters was getting somewhere safe for the night, where nobody could continue heckling him or mobs couldn't form to throw him out. Maybe that's what led him to drive down the path of Camp Crystal Lake -- not that he'd noticed the sign in the dark, but -- hey, it was a trail, it looked promising, and if anyone tried anything he did have quite a bit of chainsaws and weaponry stocked up.

Juuuust gotta .. not think about how that would probably NOT help his case. But y'know, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Eventually though, his car puttered out. Seems he'd forgotten to refill with more gasoline -- or maybe it was that he couldn't really AFFORD to right now -- so, in the middle of this old trail, he was stranded. Hands gripped the steering wheel, brows furrowed, teeth grit. Maybe if he jumpstarted this car or something, he could get it just far enough that he could get back to the main road and hitchhike? Would jumpstarting even do anything for a car running so low on gas? Actually, he didn't know. Ash wasn't a car person. He probably should be one though. Would help with day to day life and making expenses safer.

Still, he had to try something, lest he had to hike back to the mainroad on foot. After a long groan, throwing his head back and rolling his eyes, he rocked forward and THUNKED his head on the steering wheel. For a moment he lingers there, questioning everything in his life ever, thumbs tapping against the wheel. He spirals into a temporary existential crisis, before ultimately pushing up and letting his head loll back. Opening the car door with far more attitude than necessary, he beelined for the back -- or, the trunk more specifically.

As he digs around for the tools, muttering all sorts of curse words and other profanities under his breath, he suddenly feels the presence of someone else nearby. Body rigid, mouth twitching, he tussles with the idea of if he should be on alert or not -- and REALLY FUCKING HOPING THAT THERE DOESN'T NEED TO BE A FIGHT, he eventually settles on sloooowly turning around.

Eyes scanning behind him, his intact hand reaches back and pats blindly for a gun, not taking his eyes off the side of the path that's rustling for a second. Said hand grasps onto one, and his fingers curl around its trigger, holding tight. It's kept hidden behind his back, but he's pretty confident that if it comes down to it, he'll be a fast enough draw to shoot some warning shots. Twitchy fingers tap and ever so slightly put pressure on the trigger as it he holds it behind his back.

He does his best to keep calm, though; can't be getting too trigger happy just yet. After all, maybe things won't get too sour. Ooorrrr maybe it will, given that everything Ash ever says ends up sounding rude no matter the intention. He's just that kind of guy, he supposed. And the fact that his gut was telling him this might not go very well, but he's trying very pointedly to ignore that.

"........ I know you're there," He settles on, voice gruff in an attempt to prove he isn't scared, moreso just annoyed. He isn't in the mood for any fuckery tonight -- but if it comes down to brass tacks, he isn't gonna hesitate.

"So instead of just staring at me -- like a total CREEP, by the way -- I'd really appreciate it if you stopped fucking around. I don't want to be here either, so if You're gonna stick around, help me out. If not, get lost!"