#it is kind of fitting with his mindset this whole series so far; both in relationship and as a hero -

[goatsghost]

this is actually making me curious if dick actually likes anyone, or if he’s just this go-with-the-flow people pleaser he seems to be.

like. he and shawn had a good thing, he thought they may start a family together (if on accident). and yeah they had their fights, but they’ve fought before. but one word from helena and he’s immediately moving on to something new.

( nightwing #28 )

[linelpisffxiv]

So, Lin shares a unique thought with Mneme: The desire to retire.

Teri has none. To Teri, they still have the mindset of an ancient, where retirement literally means death.

But Lin during Shadowbringers was beaten down a lot at the start, after twice narrowly missing becoming a weapon for the Eorzean Alliance (Once through Haurchefant's intervention and realizing her mammet's oddness was because his soul was in it, and the other time because of a perfectly-timed soulnapping meaning that she had to hold on longer)

Going into it, she was like "This is it. I'm doing this to get these people back and then I'm gonna go find a place and chill and heal because I hate this role." (She also loved Norvrandt, that she was interesting, but not inherently a hero publicly. That she could quietly settle down there if she kept herself unknown. No one could drag her back to the source and be a weapon being a plus)

However, it also inspired her to find the strength within herself to resist. To be herself, to heal without hiding. Especially with the extensions to 5.3 meaning she grew to care for the Scions as more than associates by the time they could return and be in charge. (Plus she'd fallen in love again and she wanted to chase that as far G'raha will let her)

Mneme has always been looking for "The End." There were things only they could do, and were willing to do, so 5.3 wasn't a reinspiring loose deadline, it was just another hurdle to jump.

With them finding both cures for and "Vaccines" against tempering, and a completely expected betrayal by the Alliance (as they view it), they were out. They were doing this one last thing because they promised, and then so long, farewell. They hoped it was just stabbing Fandaniel and Zenos until they stayed dead ASAP, but that's not how it happened. In fact, Zenos never gets stabbed again because the peculiarity of his speech pointed out he never knew them, so fighting him was going to go to waste with both their self-actualization so they just dump him at the edge of the universe to seek an answer on their own, and hope he does the same.

(He doesn't. Faced with the ultimate answer that if Mneme was a mirror to him, they're a very different kind of mirror than he thought, he kills himself, but they don't learn that until later)

And since they basically reset the whole fucking universe's cosmological constant and there's no reason, Mneme can finally, finally, retire. They bully the Scions to say they died, pop a Fanta to an intermediary form, ditch the scions ASAP saying "Do better" and then, once safely away, fanta again to a... passable form they don't hate, but don't love as much as Mneme, but is different enough that people won't assume they're the same person so no one who knows they're alive can figure out who they are.

Also, BTW, Lin does retire. Either I'll let the 6.X stuff happen with edits and Dawntrail, or I'm gonna just cut off everything after 6.0 for her as well (Except the raid series. Both are great and I think they fit her. Mneme doesn't get those.) After that, she decides to go full Student, get her Archon Thesis in, and decide to use Adventure in a more casual way, with maybe a bit of local saving the day here and there.

[shihalyfie]

After Kouji and Kouichi reconnect through their Digital World adventure, how do you think they handle this rather delicate situation in the Real World? What with all the adults hiding the truth if not straight up lying, and the boys not even being aware the other existed for years. The ending slides and CD dramas present Kouji as developing a positive relationship with both his mothers, so I wonder how it came to that point. And what of the twins' father? How does he fit into all this?

I think interpretations will vary depending on the person, but I wrote in my earlier meta about the twins that, given the known circumstances about the divorce and the culture surrounding it in Japan (most importantly lack of joint custody), I don't think any of the adults involved did what they did out of malicious intent. Remember, the situation we saw between Yamato and Takeru in Adventure and 02 is considered a situation where things went unusually well, with the parents going out of their way to make sure their brothers could still get some proper socialization once a year. A situation close to the twins is much more likely, and you can see that kind of clean, awkward separation in the reboot as well. The take-home here is that the adults simply didn't trust the kids to handle the situation maturely, and were probably waiting until they were older to break the news to them (presumably Kouichi's grandmother telling him on his deathbed was her making her own judgment that Kouichi was now old enough).

To a certain extent, this judgment would not have actually been wrong. For us in the audience who are used to The Parent Trap-esque plots, it's romantic to entertain the idea that knowing more is better, but more realistically, if we're talking a situation where the boys were something like three or four years old, telling them would have absolutely made it a mess of pain and suffering because kids that young would end up confused and upset all the time about why they can't meet more often. But once the twins started getting older, that meant pushing the envelope further and further on a shoe that was inevitably going to drop some time, and the results were going to be ugly no matter what, and in retrospect it seems they pushed it way too far (and even then it's not like either twin handled the news very well in-series, so this isn't entirely wrong). Ultimately, bad judgment to keep it drawn out that long, but it's not difficult to understand the motive behind it.

In the end, I think they simply confronted their parents about it. Even though supernatural Digital World shenanigans got caught up in the middle, the inciting reason the twins found out about it in the first place was very mundane (Kouichi's grandmother told him), so it's not hard to simply bring that up as the explanation as to how they found out. At the same time, I don’t think any of the parent-child relationships were portrayed as one where making this kind of confrontation would be a problem. Obviously, we know Kouichi is very close with his mother, and on the flip side I’ve said several times that I don’t think we have sufficient evidence to indicate Kouji’s father is particularly cold or has a negative relationship with his son (it’s unfortunate that most of the scenes we get of him are either from Kouichi’s very distorted/one-sided perspective or from a single incident between him and Kouji where the topic itself was inherently awkward for both parties, but the fact remains that we simply don’t have evidence of him actually being that bad of a person), so given that, as you said, Kouji’s stepmother knows about the twins meeting each other and supports them, it’s hard to believe his father wouldn’t also have been confronted and ultimately learned about this whole situation.

In the end, I do kind of feel like The Parent Trap and other similar works like these kind of tempt people into the mindset that everything would be better if everything got back together all the time, but that’s just not true from a realistic perspective. Even back in Adventure and 02, Hiroaki and Natsuko were portrayed in a sense that conveyed that neither of them could be completely held responsible for the divorce, but also that it was understandable a marriage between them would inevitably fall apart (because Hiroaki’s too much of a workaholic who leaves others to clean after him, while Natsuko’s exactly the kind of person who doesn’t have much patience for that). It was a positive thing for them to at least get on better terms and for them to try and make it up for what they did to their sons, but at the same time it was a lot more complicated than just “then they should get married again”. So in the case of the twins, I think the take-home is also that the best situation is for everyone involved to find a way to move on productively. We don’t know the circumstances behind the divorce, but either way it’s blatantly obvious it’s not going to help anyone if Kouji refuses to accept his stepmother purely based on fixating on a woman who (while obviously someone he has every right to care about) ultimately is not capable of being in his life nearly as much. But I also imagine the boys are now smart enough to know that they’re better off meeting and visiting each other independently rather than forcing their respective parents to meet up or anything. This is why I do have to admit it probably wasn’t completely the wrong decision to keep this hidden initially; by the time the boys found out, they were old enough for them to make their own independent decisions and make arrangements to meet up and communicate themselves without needing to force their parents to help them do it.

Incidentally, it’s very unlikely that Kouichi’s grandmother simply saying “you have a brother named Kouji” would have been enough information alone for Kouichi to find where his brother lived down to the exact street and address, so it does seem like there was some information kept about the other side of the family on each side. Kouichi probably at least had to know his mother’s former married surname (possibly even his father’s name), and Kouji had a photo with his father’s ex-wife in the house, so it’s not like traces had been completely wiped out on both ends anyway. Both twins clearly knew their parents were divorced, so they must have asked about the other parent at least; it’s just the part about a twin brother that was kept from them.

[jjkpls]

the wishlist (m) - 5

“She broke up with me.”

> genre : Angst, fluff

> pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (f)

> words : 4k

> content/warnings : back at it again w/ the bff2l; one sided love, lot of pining; explicit language; ambiguous infidelity; jjk heartbroken & crying; some wholesome flashbacks to make you swoon

previous - next

The next box arrives about a month or so later. You haven’t seen Jungkook in a while. He had been out of town, hopping from shop to shop, completing a series of long-awaited guest positions. 

He’s kept you up with his days and his appointments as much as he could, sending you dorky selfies, little videos of city landscapes you’ve never seen before, and exhausted late vocal notes made in tiny, with dragged on, mumbled words, to wish you luck and send you some courage for work. 

You did not expect that the day you’ll meet again, he’d be so different from the Jungkook you prefer and left a month ago.

It takes you a few seconds to realize. At first, you’re preoccupied with the sudden set of needles stinging your insides when you hear the peculiar sound of your front door being unlocked. There’s a very finite amount of probability that it’s not him, he's the rudest of your tiny group of friends and the only one that feels comfortable enough in your home to invite himself without any prior warning.

It’s him, your best friend and subject of too many of your both daily and nightly thoughts and preoccupations.

Once he appears in the door frame, with his heavy coat on his heavy XXL sweatshirt, in his heavy military pants, face turned down hidden by his hair, the magic thing, that grows so mysteriously quick. There’s the little explosion of warmth in your chest. The one that makes you smile tenderly without meaning to. He’s allowed to see how happy he makes you, as a friend anyway. Everybody smiles this way when he walks into a room.

Your eyes catch sight of a box, all white, that fits in his hand. Your eyes roll on reflex. You’re about to curse again. It’s not nice, you don’t want to, to attack him as soon as he returns to you but he’s asking for it, isn't he?

He’s still in the hallway, slowly slipping his shoes off, focus fixed on the present in his hand. The time he takes doing it and the seemingly seriousness you feel irradiating from his aura, confuse you.

Jungkook shakes his head twice, the way he does, kind of like a wet puppy would, before setting the box on the counter of your open kitchen.

It’s only when he starts walking towards you, that his head raises up, just a bit, enough for his eyes to meet yours through his hair. He has a tiny smile as a greeting. He looks really upset. 

He should be bouncing on the balls of his feet, he should be doing some TikTok cringe dance moves to make you laugh or yell some greetings in a dialect. He has a lot of peculiar, very Jungkook ways to celebrate meeting you again after a while. Even if neither of you has ever said the words, you do miss each other a lot when you can’t see each other, and the excitement that blooms during your reunions translates that. 

But he’s sad today. It’s obvious. 

When he takes a seat beside you on the couch, he avoids your gaze. You’re agape, watching him with probably too much insistence, a hand holding a spoon half-filled with yoghurt in the air.

These few moments are decisive. They’ll determine rather he’ll talk or not. Jungkook, for someone who cries easily, is not good with feelings and sharing them aloud. Sometimes he can, often he can’t. He’s told you not to worry about it before, that it was fine because sometimes he just didn’t need to, he just wanted a shoulder to lay his head-on. 

“You okay, Guk?”

He shrugs. You just have the time to catch his upper lip sucked in, a twinkle in his eye before he’s switching position, bumping into you and hitting his own shin against the coffee table like a giant dog, unaware of his own growth, would. Only to settle for an impressively tiny huddle against your side, cheek pressed to your shoulder. 

So that’s how it’ll be. 

It’s heartbreaking, torturesome. You always feel miserable when you know he’s sad but not knowing the reason makes it a thousand times worse. You might be the same vengeful kid you used to be. The one who’ll inquire straight away who made him cry and immediately went on her way to beat that reason up -it being another child or the troll of a tree that made him trip. 

Except you are grown-ups now. He knows he can deal with his problems on his own and he would probably not let you go and try to beat up everyone -he probably doesn’t believe you can too, even though he’d be wrong about that. 

Jungkook tears his hand out of his pocket only to mime you to turn up the volume of the television. You do so and the pretty hand is gone and if it wasn’t for his quiet sniffling and the heavy press on your side, you wouldn’t know he’s really here with you at all. 

Your heart hurts the whole duration of the shitty afternoon movie, even if having his warmth next to you helps a little. He leaves later the way he entered, mostly silently, only smiling a bit when you smooch the side of his head and squeeze his forearm in a wordless comforting effort.

Guk

Sorry for earlier

Guk

It was nice seeing you though

You

Don’t be sorry. Can you call?

Guk

Yes, in 5

The five minutes turn out to be twenty. You wonder, hoping to be wrong, how numerous those tears were that he needed twenty minutes to dry them. 

When he finally calls, voice quiet and throat dry, whispering through the phone straight in your ear, uneasiness settles deep and heavy in your stomach as you know, you were right. 

“What happened, Jungkook?”

He must not have heard you this soft and gentle for a while because you can hear a humourless chuckle you recognize as incredulity. He clears his throat a first time, inhales deep and has to clear it a second time before he can start, still choking out on a syllable or two. 

“She broke up with me.”

The gasp that escapes you, loud and obnoxious, could not have been faked. This news is hardly believable to you. First of all, because, to your greatest guilty despair, Jungkook and his girlfriend, who’ve been dating for almost a year, are probably the embodiment of The Power Couple. There’s no doubt, in all the people that know them, that they are meant to be. They look good together. They are on the same page, always, it seems. They’re beautiful and enviable, an example of a match from Heaven, healthy and aesthetic if that's even a mentionable point.

You can’t, even in your deepest, darkest fantasies, have imagined them to break up. 

But the thing that makes it all the harder to comprehend is that she is the one who did it. The girl is great. She’s beautiful, she’s smart and funny, so you heard. She has that glamour to her, with her dainty pretty milky hands and long thin milky neck, with her silky, shiny black locks wondrously floating over her shoulders. She is great, matches him well.

She is not that far behind him but she's still not Jeon-Jungkook-great.

How could she have broken up with him? Someone dumping him makes no sense to you. 

“That’s-“ You catch yourself before the words slip out clumsily. You’ve never really been talented at comforting people with words, especially a crying Jungkook which is the equivalent of your very own kryptonite. “I’m so sorry, Jungkook.” And you mean it. Even more so when you hear him snivel hard. You’ve never allowed yourself to, even just for yourself, in the quiet and discreet comfort of your own head, wish for that to happen. Because if there’s one thing that you want more than anything else, more than having him for yourself, more than your own fulfilment, it’s his happiness. And he was happy with Jiyeun. He’s got the girl he had a crush on for months and they went so well together. “But why? Did she give you a reason?”

You hate how eager you sound asking. The question is so pressing though. You wish to know so bad why, in what circumstances, Jeon Jungkook gets dumped. 

“She-“ There’s a sob he swallows back. “I know what you’ll say,” Your eyebrows dip low on reflex. You couldn’t imagine the reason. He must have really fucked up but Jungkook is not the kind to fuck up. Even when he’s annoying, even when his mindset on something turns a bit auto-centric, he’s too compassionate, he’s too considerate and loving, to suddenly stop wondering how the person facing him is feeling and act without care, hurt them, in any way. It’s just not his kind. So what did he do that even you’ll have a word to say about it. “Spare me because she’s done enough.” 

It takes another set of minutes for him to gather himself, find most of his voice back clear enough for you to decipher. You show yourself patient, not saying anything and leaving him all the time that he needs. In all honesty, in the darkness of your curtain closed bedroom, tucked comfortably in your mountain of pillows and blankets, with your phone stuck to your ear and just the quiet sound of his breathing and humming to himself to break the silence, but rock it rather than disturb it, it’s easy to be patient. Feels like an ASMR. A class A type of ASMR, his breathing to your ear could so easily lead you to sleep. 

“Yesterday, she came to welcome me back and-“ Rather than hurt, his tone sounds weakened by shame now. What the hell did he do? “She found the- the thing I brought for you today.”

The fucking idiot.

“Oh my God.” You feel instant nausea. It's not like you never thought about it. You wondered, multiple times, if she was aware that her boyfriend was buying you these. You never allowed dipping far in the questioning because what would be the point? Ultimately, it's his relationship. And it's his way of shaping your friendship. If she kept smiling pleasantly, asking politely, as she always would, how you're doing whenever you happened to cross her path, leaving his apartment, or visiting his shop, it was fine by you. It must have been fine by her. She might have known about it, or she might not, didn't really matter. Jeon Jungkook is a grown-ass man, who's allowed to make his own decisions, no matter if they make sense to you, or her, or whoever.

But he's a fucking idiot.

If she didn't know, if he didn't warn her, and now she's mad after learning about it, and he's surprised and he's sad then he's a fucking idiot.

“She asked if it was for her, I wasn’t gonna lie!” Fantastic. He's passed the shock, soaked in wrath now. That was quick.

"For fuck's sake, Jungkook!"

"What?" He sounds a bit hysterical on the phone, voice rough and angry, incredulous, even mad that you might suggest he's wrong. Obviously, he already knew you'd react this way, hence the primary warning. "You're my best friend. I get to gift you whatever the fuck I want." He whisper-yells, suddenly very much aware again of the late time and the quiet calmness he'd perturbed. "She-"

"I don't think that's the issue, is it? Did she- Did you tell her that- Like, nothing was up?" You don't know how to articulate what you mean to ask. It sounds so bizarre, so irrealistic, the idea of something romantic or sexual going on between you two. It sounds so ludicrous you can't even say it. And again, you're scared to say the words. You don't know how they'll sound leaving your mouth. Suspicious, maybe revealing.

You owe to ask the question though. Because the cause of the sudden nausea comes from one surprisingly major reason, you would hate for her to hate you. To think of you as the bad guy, the massive bitch who stole her boyfriend. It shouldn't matter but it does.

"What do you mean?"

"That it was just friendly. Did you say that to her?" You stutter, largely on edge.

"Of course, I did." He doesn't seem to notice. Or to pay attention to the, evident to your ear, change in your tone. "She said that it didn't matter." You bite your tongue, along with the couple of words threatening to slide off it. Quite frankly, Jungkook is a weirdo with his own intake on the world surrounding him, she chose to date that special, in a lot of different ways, one, however, you can fairly understand that she wouldn't accept any explanation, of any kind, for this situation. "Do you get that? If she thought I was cheating, I'd understand that she'd be mad but- it's not even the case!"

You try to focus on the essence of the conversation, annihilate the faint words you can read in between the lines. The ones that say that even his girlfriend, in those strange circumstances, couldn't imagine the two of you as more than friends. Just as he couldn't. Just as you can't either.

"She knows and she's still mad. But- I do- I was just curious about it."

"About what?"

"The toys." He pouts, barely articulate like the kid he really is.

"Why didn't you get them for her, then? She's your girlfriend."

There's a pause after your words coming from him.

"She hates those." The pout sounds so thick now, in between the sniffs, you wonder if his mouth won't stay stuck in this position, like a cute permanent raspberry on his cute little dumb face. "I did once and she- threw it in my face and called me a freak."

"Jungkook." You sigh. "That explains a lot, by the way." This comment might be mainly for yourself. He doesn't need an explanation, as it seems. He doesn't seem that troubled about the whole deal, about that new hobby he's picked for himself. But you did. It's hard to simply content yourself with a "well, it is what it is" and nothing more.

He's been curious about them, couldn't buy them for Jiyeun because she wouldn't use them and make him feel guilty about his interest. He's sort of living it by procuration this way.

Now you feel guilty. He can't have found much satisfaction from your reviews if you ever have given him any. And she called him a freak. What a bitch. You wouldn't have imagined that coming from her.

Your mind is a mess.

"And it makes you happy. I see the way-" You hear the friction of tissues, the squeaking of his bed, and the deep sigh that follows when, as you picture, he finds a comfortable position on his back. "You seem much better. Less stressed and-" You cannot deny that. Even though it's partially frustrating, to think that he has this very unpleasant picture of you, of the version of you preceding the very first orgasm brought by him - sort of. You are feeling considerably better. Even if you have to force yourself not to abuse the masturbatory habits, not wishing to turn into a jerk off crazed teen like you once was when your hormones were fucking you up, it helps a lot. Sometimes it's a late-night quickie, other times a longer seance to celebrate the start of the weekend, or find force for the beginning of a new week.

"What was that again? Youthful?" You wonder aloud, an annoyingly amused smile on your face.

"Rejuvenated." He's laughing a bit. And for that, all the turmoil he's been putting you through feels fine and worth it. When you think about the heartbreaking tone of his voice when you first heard it through the phone, it eases an incredibly heavyweight to your heart, enchants you to know that he can still laugh, and you can still be the one reminding him how to. Unfortunately, his heart's just recalled how to hurt and the ache is back as quick as it pretended to leave an instant ago. "She said to never call her again." He confides with a hearable sorrow.

"She didn't mean it." It's surprisingly easy to be a good friend to him. The words you know he needs to hear not even hurting that bad.

"I don't know. We never fought like that before."

"Of course, you didn't. But it's been a year, it ought to happen at some point."

"But if she won't even let me talk to her, how am I supposed to make it better?"

"Be patient and leave her time to cool down." He sighs, already defeated. "Maybe send her a vocal note, she'll listen when she's ready.” They're awfully nice when he sends some to you. “It'll be fine." You're made to be together, probably, you should add. You could add, it might help him immensely, to dry the tears you can picture filling up his eyes. It's a little too much though. You're not that strong of a masochist to force this on you.

"How do you know that?"

"I just do. Don't worry too much." He can't. His heavy silence precisely screams that. "Do you wanna come to my island? I'll let you run in my flowers if you want."

It makes him laugh once again. The lovely, most satisfying sound to your ear.

"That's sweet of you." And it is, extremely sweet of you. If there's one thing that you despise is him sprinting through the mindfully planted flower beds of your Animal Crossing island. It pisses you off. Even more so when he does it by accident than on purpose, because this shit happens way too often. And now, you're allowing him to do so. You're definitely too good at being his friend. "It's fine though. Turnips sell at 138 on mine if you're interested."

It's your turn to be laughing now. You love how even with his heartbroken, upset and crying, he still picks up his Switch to check where's the turnips' stock at.

"Jungkook." I adore you.

You have for seemingly ever. Since the very first time you met.

You'd never forget it. How you almost passed out from laughing because of the street sign that nearly knocked him unconscious. His forehead was already bruising dark, eyes unfocused and shiny with tears. You didn't mean to laugh but he was adorable and funny, and even if you felt guilty for enjoying it, people don't run their faces into street signs every day. You called it in your own head a miracle.

He had to sit for a little while from how dizzy he felt. His ears were burning with embarrassment too, your uncontrollable giggling not helping. He just sat there, on a bench you had dragged him to, hands tucked in the pocket of his sweatshirt, waiting for you to allow him to leave.

The kid stood unbalanced the four times he tried to walk and even if at eleven, you had nothing close to a doctoral degree, you still felt like it was wrong to just let him stumble his way back home straight away. You had to hold him hostage for a little while. You had shared your homemade cookies with him, the ones you hid deep in your bag for you didn't want anyone to ask for a bite at school. You made him drink the whole content of your water bottle because drinking water is never an unhealthy thing to do, therefore, it felt like a good idea.

He was so shy that your own timidness quieted down enough to allow you to make conversation to him. Or more accurately talk over the silence and distract him. He giggled a lot and smiled with cute bunny teeth. Kept saying thank you for every bit of cookies you'd given him and once you had walked him home and he arrived safe and sound, he bowed very low, apologized and thanked you again.

You thought it'd be the end of it. He pretended to be going to the same school as you but you had never seen him also he was a few years younger.

The next day, and every single day after that, at recess, he would appear out of nowhere. Wearing his adorable smile, and a tint of red on his ears, a bunch of homemade cookies of his own filling up his pockets. As a puppy would, he'd follow you around with a certain distance until you waved him over, rolling your eyes, because if he was going to stick by your side, he might as well actually play with you.

The most precious friendship you have ever experienced bloomed from this seed. A friendship, at the start, mainly based on a shared interest for very sugary treats, marbles, and that common memory of him eating shit in this street sign. You didn't mean to remind him, it made him flush furiously each time and you were not that cruel, but you couldn't help bursting out in laughter whenever you'd walk home -with him or alone- and pass that sign. It's your favourite spot in your home town. You never miss an occasion to take a selfie for him whenever you go to visit your parents.

It's hard to define the moment your feelings, once purely platonic, changed. But there's a memory that feels notably significant.

A guy made you fall. A useless asshole, who in retrospect was not even worth a single crumble of your time. You were confused. As you often get, without really knowing why. Maybe it's just you, maybe it's for everyone the same. People start by being too good in your eyes, too good for you not to give them your all, and maybe build pyramides upon pyramides of expectations.

Until they're not anymore.

Suddenly, they hurt your feelings. They suck ass and you felt so invested emotionally, way too invested for it to be any kind of healthy, and their very human selves harm you straight in the heart, where it is the most painful.

It didn't feel like a mistake this time. Like any of the other times, at the beginning, of course, otherwise, it wouldn't catch you again and again.

You fell hard and it's Jungkook who picked you up. He had cooked for you, one of his mother's infamous recipes because he knew you wouldn't even bother eating otherwise. He had held you close. He had kissed the top of your head, your cheeks and your eyelids when a diehard tear had slipped. He had called you baby and sunshine and his little kitten. Had showered you in an unfamiliar type of loving. Something so soft, so tender and warm. Hands firm when they'd wrapped around you and pulled you in. Fingers gentle when they'd brush the hair out of your face. He took care of you, made you feel good in ways no one has ever had. You had not known him to be like that. Suddenly, he really felt like a man when he touched you, when he talked to you. He wasn't only a dorky little overgrown baby anymore. He was a man, shaped like one but also able to act like one. Able to take care of a woman, please one you were sure of it. And suddenly, you wanted, so desperately, to be that woman. To have the same free access you had on his usual candid-self, on this newly met man.

Of course, it's too ludicrous for you to ever act on it. But deep down, a naive tiny voice kept claiming, in the back of your mind, that you could spoil him. Very few people in this world know him the way you do, surely, no one can please him the way you could.

Guk

She listened to my note!!!

Guk

She said she'll make me miss her a bit more and then she'll call

It took less than a day for her to give him a sign. You're not surprised. It's hard not to miss him. You're not surprised but somehow, still, disappointed.

A/N: tadam!! i needed to include some flashbacks because i know my fellow f2l addicts just adore these, also, i just can’t get over writing kookie as a cute kid.

Guess what guys? there is only one chapter to go *sweats profusely* I- am worried. I hope you keep enjoying it and will enjoy the rest. :] For now, let me know your thoughts. I hope you have a sweet, lazy Sunday and wish you a lovely, peacful week! bises!

As always please ask to be tagged for the final chapter on this post

[wrenhyperfixates]

The Raven Haired Rebel

Chapter 1

Pairing: Loki x reader Series Summary: After invading New York, it was decided that, as a punishment, Loki would work for SHIELD. Yeah, right. After escaping from their custody and stranded on Midgard, the God of Mischief decides to prove he’s the one thing no one ever thought he was: the good guy. Now a vigilante, Loki attempts to make amends for his past wrongdoings while also evading the Avengers, including their newest member. You. Brought in specially for the case, you notice more and more details about the prince’s story don’t add up. When you get the chance to turn him in, will you listen to your employers or your heart that believes Loki’s done nothing wrong? Chapter Summary: In which you plead Loki’s case. Chapter Warnings: none A/N: Besides this being a miniseries, all the chapters are pretty short too! Hope you enjoy all the same :)

Permanent Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8 @twhiddlestonsstuff @lokistan @lowkeyorlokificrecs @gaitwae @whatafuckingdumbass @castiels-majestic-wings @kozkaboi @cozy-the-overlord @birdgirl90 @myraiswack @mythicalgarlicknot @what-a-flammable-heart @marvelouslovely @laurenandloki @fallinallinmendes @sophlubbwriting @mooncat163

RHR Tag List: @happygalaxymilkshake @electroma89 @stardust-walker @i-would-kneel-for-loki​

Masterlist

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

Swiping into Avengers Tower made you feel important, more so than swiping into a SHIELD base. You weren’t exactly sure why, though. Perhaps it was because SHIELD was a secret, and no one knew. Here, the passerby on the street looked on in awe. Or maybe it was because the Tower was so elite. Because so select few got to enter. But really, it probably wasn’t that you got to enter so much as why you got to enter.

True, since your first day on the job, word got around that you were the best in your field. Fast as lightning, you’d risen through the ranks to be Fury’s top tracker, a position all but secured when he brought you on for this case. A case, you knew, that intrigued you far more than it should have.

Just like everyone else had on that day a little over three months ago, you watched the TV with rapt attention as gods and superheroes made themselves known to the world. And, you supposed, supervillains too. Not that you’d told anyone, but something didn’t quite sit right with you in the weeks after when news anchors and colleagues alike were referring to the raven haired god as such.

For the next three days, you’d pored over books of Norse Mythology and a number of studies. Most of the latter coming from one Dr. Jane Foster, who you soon came to link with Thor. But even there you found a disconnect between the god of legends and the bloodied man on your screen. He never really did have malicious intent before. He was a trickster, yes, but he’d not even come close to doing something this drastic before! Ok, yes, there was his involvement in Ragnarök in the myths, but even for that you’d found multiple sources that could debunk it. Besides, it certainly didn’t seem like Asgard had even faced the end times yet.

Alas, you figured Thor knew his brother, and you had your own case to work on, so you let be the mystery that was Loki.

And then you were called into Fury’s office a week ago and asked to begin tracking the god. A bit too eagerly, you’d agreed to take the case. You’d dealt with villains before, truly evil people, and your search only further proved what deep down you already knew; Loki was not one. Everywhere you followed his trail, a mysterious savior was stopping bank robberies and saving people from burning buildings and runaway trains. Not to mention there were multiple descriptions of said savior using green magic. It seemed a wonder that the tracker in the case before you hadn’t noticed. Then again, people tend to only see what they want to.

Regardless, you made your way to the elevators, heading toward the conference room on one of the upper floors. You tapped your foot as it ascended, impatient to share your findings. As the lift stopped and you got out, you tugged on your leather jacket. It was ever so slightly too big, but it was on sale. Plus, you felt like it looked pretty cool, considering your job and all. Subconsciously, you puffed up your chest a bit too. Regardless of actual size, you felt like a petite little thing, stepping into a room of now renowned heroes. Strange, you thought, how so much could change in just three months.

“You know, I got to get me one of those,” said the man suddenly keeping pace next to you. You quickly identified him as Tony Stark.

“I... Pardon?” you replied, slightly startled.

“Your jacket,” he said, pointing at it. “I feel like the leather will match the whole rugged good-guy, vibe. Besides, I think Capsicle’s got one.”

You chuckled at that. “Maybe we should just make it the team uniform then.”

“Team, huh? So you must be that new tracker kid we’re working with.”

“I’d hardly call myself a kid,” you scoffed.

“When you get to be as rich as I am, you get to call everyone a kid,” Tony shrugged.

“I’m not exactly sure that’s how it works, but whatever you say, I guess,” you chuckled again.

“See, now if everyone would just adopt that mindset, we’d get stuff done a lot faster around here.” He quickly signed something that was brought up to him on a clipboard, never stopping. You wondered how long he could keep up like this before collapsing. “Besides, take it as a compliment. That last tracker was some fuddy-duddy old guy.”

“Fuddy-duddy?” you guffawed. “Maybe you’re the old one, after all.”

Tony feigned like he’d been struck in the heart. But before you could keep up the banter, you reached the conference room, and Steve was waving you inside.

“Stark,” he said with a nod. “Are you ready to begin or are you going to keep distracting our new teammate?”

“Aye aye, Captain,” he said with a little salute. “Reporting for duty.”

You mouthed a sorry as you followed Stark into the room. Even if the rest of them turned out to be hard-asses, at least Tony was fun. And having one ally was better than none, you figured. As you took your seat across from your new friend, you flipped through the file that had been left for you. It wasn’t really anything new, so you glanced at your teammates again. Nat and Clint both nodded at you, recognizing you from a couple other missions you’d interacted during. There wasn’t really any time to talk, however, before Captain Rogers was walking to the head of the long table.

“Alright, team. Before we get started, I think it’s worth mentioning we have a new member on the team,” Steve said, before welcoming you by name. “I think we’re all caught up on the situation here, so let’s dive right in. A new trend has shown up in the Tower’s data mining.”

“Data analysis,” Tony butt in. “It sounds more ethical that way.”

“Whatever you want to call it, the program showed that wherever Loki goes, there’s a spike in activity of an organization calling themselves AIM. At first glance they seem innocent, but after some digging, we’ve found they’re anything but. We’ve determined Loki is working with them, perhaps even masterminding some of their more underground projects. Agent? Can we assume you found the same things?”

“Uh, yeah, no. Actually, my data shows the opposite,” you cleared your throat. Standing, you slid the information from your tablet onto the room’s TV screen. “See, it seems that he’s actually doing good deeds. There are multiple accounts of a man fitting Loki’s description performing heroic works.”

“Ok, I’ll bite,” Tony said, leaning forward. “What about AIM then? You think it’s a coincidence.”

You bit your lip. “I’ll admit, I haven’t found anything about them yet. But... maybe, just maybe, Loki’s showing up where they are because he’s trying to stop them.”

“I am so sorry to interrupt, but that does not sound like the Loki I know at all,” Thor laughed. “A wonderful joke, though.”

Now you were getting mad. You shouldn’t be, but you saw something worth defending in Loki. A lot, actually. There was something about that look in his eye that you couldn’t quite read, but it was telling you something was wrong all the same.

“That’s not fair! Maybe you don’t know him as well as you thought. Look at this,” you said, swiping to show a side by side of Loki during and after the fight. “You can see it by the look on his face; something was seriously wrong during the battle. Plus, I’ve seen videos of him when he first came; he was not alright. Afflicted with severe anxiety and what looks like burn marks, I’d say. He needed help.”

“With all due respect,” Clint chimed in, “aren’t your a tracker, not a psychologist?”

“Yes, but as such I’ve been trained to look at all the details. Not just what’s convenient.”

“Listen,” Steve sighed before things got any more heated. “It’s a great theory and all, but you read Thor’s account of everything that happened before this. So, until we get some solid evidence proving otherwise, we’re going to have to stick with what we already know. We’ll put a pin in the AIM thing until you can take a look, though. Ok?”

“Ok,” you agreed, defeatedly taking your seat again.

You looked around the table. Natasha and Bruce, the only two who hadn’t said anything, both looked kind of pensive. Alright, maybe bewildered was the better word for Bruce. He was smart, no doubt about it, but you got the impression he wasn’t very good in social settings. Then there was Clint and Thor, both who seemed a little skeptical of you. At least Thor seemed to be considering his brother’s innocence at least a little. Steve was a bit more unreadable as he continued to prattle on about what you already “knew” for the case. And then there was Tony, who seemed more impressed than anything else. He, at least, had seemed to genuinely consider what you said. Perhaps he still was.

“The best way to solve this,” Steve closed his spiel, “is to bring him in. Agent, have you located him yet?”

You sighed. Deeply. It shouldn’t be this much of a struggle to present your findings. You’d had no trouble speaking on his behalf. Yet a part of you—an alarmingly large part, you realized—didn’t want to turn him in. But who were you to ignore direct orders?

“Yup,” you conceded, pulling up a map with a blinking red dot, marking Loki’s location.

“Well then, team,” Steve said to the group. “Let’s roll out.”

[bookwyrminspiration]

How do you think Sophie's family/friends would react to female to male Sophie Foster? Like if it were while she was in the Lost Cities.

oo that's an interesting one! trans sophie, specifically in the lost cities (i'm assuming in the canon timeline with all the other worldbuilding still intact). I don't know if they have the concept in the Lost Cities--I mean I think it's entirely safe to assume that queer elves exist whether or not Shannon writes about them, you just can't erase us.

(note: I will be referring to Sophie with that name and =they/they pronouns for this post simply because name and pronouns are a whole other deal)

I think their immediate family and friends would be supportive, if a little confused, but understand that whatever they're talking about with gender means a lot to them. The elven world follows so many traditional stereotypes when it comes to gender--like hair length, dresses, etc.--and all apparently at will, as Della (i think it was her, might've been Edaline) said that Sophie didn't need to wear dresses if they wanted to wear pants instead, as it was actually the capes that signified nobility and not the dresses. This leads me to believe that there has been at least one other person who has rebelled against the dresses and prefers pants, hence that answer came so easily to Della; it wasn't her first time thinking about it. However, as it never went into practice for Sophie (another thing about her wardrobe that I'll mention in another post. to the person who sent me an ask about it: I saw it! I'll get to it!), it does make me think there would be a little bit of a rocky transition into wearing more traditionally masculine clothing.

it's worth noting that just because they may be ftm, they don't need to change their wardrobe and throw away all their dresses, I'm just including this because we've seen mentions of Sophie disliking the more poofy/obviously feminine clothing throughout the series, so they seem like they might be someone who would want to change their presentation a little.

to get a little more into specifics: I don't think any of their friends or family would be hostile towards them, maybe unintentionally a little dense, but well-meaning. Edaline would be very open and welcome to their transition, whatever that entailed (if anything), and mostly grateful Sophie was comfortable sharing that with her. I think Grady would be protective, the kind of person to question them just a little bit to make sure this was something they really wanted (not because he didn't believe them, just because he'd recognize the difficulties and wouldn't want them to go through it without due cause). I don't think Sandor would particularly care, mainly concerned with keeping them safe and only thinking about it so far as to make sure they feel safe emotionally with him. He'd recognize it as not his place to question or judge, and he doesn't need to know how their gender works in order to respect and protect them.

onto the friends! I think Biana and Dex would be the most supportive upfront and ask the fewest questions. Biana might even take this as a chance to help figure out how Sophie wants to look and figure that out with them. it's right up her alley, as she loves doing others up, and it's a bonding opportunity too, a chance to let Sophie reintroduce themself to her. And maybe she'd take the opportunity to take all those lovely gowns off Sophie's hands...you know, out of support, not at all because she wants them for herself (insert knowing wink here). And then Dex is already used to living outside the norms of society, so seeing Sophie decide to do what they wanted and to stop trying to fit in to a feminine role would just make his ecstatic. Because he knows what that's like and he'd enjoy seeing one of his close friends stick it to the system--and he'd also be very supportive of their journey. I imagine he'd help with whatever technical aspects of transitioning Sophie would want, helping them access resources and all that.

i think Keefe would be a little caught off guard, but once Sophie explains how they feel and he can feel their emotions on the subject, I think he'd be very enthusiastic about them doing what they wanted. he might berate himself for not putting the pieces together sooner, as he could literally feel their discomfort with themselves throughout the years and yet he just brushed it off. I kind of get the vibe he'd help Biana with assisting Sophie in finding their style, but focus more of the appearance aspect over the clothes. Teaching them how to actually wear the clothes together and style their hair and all that. he also feels like he'd start being a little rougher with them, playing around with them and teasing them the way he usually does with Fitz as he works to unlearn the way he perceived them before. Speaking of Fitz, he feels like the kind of friend who would be like "why would you do that?" but only because he doesn't fully understand what they're talking about. Not that he wouldn't be supportive, he'd just need a little more guidance and assistance understanding what they want. he's had a very traditional mindset for a lot of the series, but I think his love and respect for Sophie would be more than enough to challenge his understanding of gender so he could support them. if they had already dated at this point in time, he might want to talk to them privately about that just to understand if that's why things didn't work out or if he'd done something wrong, but that's another conversation.

then there are the other, more sidelined friends, all of whom I think would generally react the same. I think Linh would just go with it and not ask questions, but be pleased that Sophie feels more themselves, perhaps sharing a story of her own about coming into herself and her power and accepting herself as she was. i don't imagine Tam would have much of an outward reaction, being like "why are you telling me this, I don't care" but internally reworking how he thought about them. And I imagine he'd be a little protective, seeing Sophie go outside the norms of society even more. He was scorned by society for years, so that's a subject close to his heart, so while he might not think much of it or how it will affect their relationship, I think he'd be more protective of them, just like from the background. Then Marella would probably take it in stride and say something like "I always knew there was something off about you" but not in an insulting way, just being like ah. that's what it was. you were always a little different and I couldn't figure out why you acted the way you did, but this makes sense. It might answer a question about Sophie she didn't even know she had. Maruca probably wouldn't think much of it, instead focused on the Black Swan and fighting. I imagine something similar with Wylie, both of them going okay that's not my problem, happy for you but also there's some things we need to work on. They'd use their name and pronouns and support them emotionally, but I don't think they're close enough to them to have more of a reaction. it's just...not a priority to them.

this is getting long so I'll stop there for now, but there's also the thoughts of how the black swan, neverseen, council, and elven society as a whole would react to their gender things. I think Sophie would have an excellent support system built up, they're friends and family loving them more than any confusion that might get in their way.

this was a very interesting ask!! so thank you for the opportunity! got a lot longer than I expected it to, but I enjoyed it!

[cosmicjoke]

Well, there’s a book and a half to say about chapter 55 and 56 of Attack on Titan!  I’ll focus on 56, because the whole interaction between Levi and Historia, and that entire scene, is just packed full of so many important details.

 The first thing I picked up on, again, is how Levi takes the time to thank Nifa for riding all night to deliver them Erwin’s instructions.  It seems like a small moment, but Levi ALWAYS does this, and I feel like it’s really important to point out.  He’s the one character who consistently makes the effort to show his appreciation and gratitude towards others for doing a good job, or giving their best effort.  Just telling someone thank you like that can make a world of difference to them, especially when you’re dealing with a world of such desperation and extremity as the world of AoT.  So I just thought that was an important moment to note.

Another big deal in this chapter, I think, was Levi’s further interaction with Dimo Reeves, and the continued respect he shows the man.  Dimo says that him and his men will leave the room so that Levi can discuss the plan with his squad, but Levi insists that Dimo and his men stay, restating that that’s how their agreement works, that they don’t keep secrets from each other, and telling Dimo that he trusts him.  He reiterates this again when Dimo tries a second time to leave.  It speaks volumes about what kind of person Levi is, about his honesty and integrity as a person, that he’s treating Dimo and his men as equals, and including them in on the plan, and not just that, but the entirety of the situation, willing to reveal to them everything the SC knows.  He isn’t treating them as tools in Erwin’s plan, he’s treating them as partners, as people, and showing them respect by making them privy to everything that they’re getting into.  He’s showing Dimo complete trust here, when just a few days earlier they’d been on opposite sides.  Levi even takes the time to welcome Flegel, and once again reaffirm his trust in the Reeves Company.  I find this remarkable, this kind of respect and regard, and, really, this kind of deep humanity we see from Levi.  He treats Dimo and his son and his men with dignity, which is something nobody else has done for any of them in a long time, it seems.

Of course, this leads into the big scene between Levi and Historia.  I read a brilliant meta on this recently, where the writer pointed out that it’s significant that this scene takes place directly on the heels of Hange and Levi torturing Sannes for information on the Reiss family, because that experience directly influences Levi’s violent reaction and anger towards Historia here, and also explains why it is Levi forgot to tell his squad about who Historia really is, and the almost embarrassed look on his face when he realizes this.  Levi is still obviously bothered by what both he and Hange did to Sannes, enough so that he becomes distracted and forgot to reveal an obviously vital piece of information.  

What’s really interesting about this scene though is Levi’s reaction when Historia, initially, refuses to become Queen, insisting that there’s no way she can, insisting that she isn’t “fit”.  Levi gets about as pissed as we’ve seen him up to this point at this, and actually, physically attacks Historia by lifting her off the ground.  What’s interesting is Levi’s reasoning behind his anger.  Historia is being horribly timid and indecisive here, claiming she can’t be queen because she isn’t fit, essentially saying because she isn’t good enough.  This kind of timid shirking of responsibility, in the face of what Levi’s just had to do to get the information needed to perform a successful coup, would be pretty maddening.  He’s just had to dirty his hands by torturing a man, and here Historia is, flatly refusing to step up and make that experience mean anything.  We know how Levi can’t bear to let people sacrifice their lives for no reason.  I think the same applies here.  Levi can’t bear to have engaged in something as ugly and awful as torturing a man for information, with nothing to show for it in the end, with nothing gained for the effort.  Historia’s behavior here must seem to Levi very self-indulgent.  He goes into a long speech after he drops her, asking his squad members, after they yell at him for going too far, what all of them will be doing tomorrow.  Asking them if they think they’ll have food on their table, or if they’ll get a good nights sleep, or if the people around them will still be there.  He then tells them he never thinks so.  

Levi is essentially telling his squad that because of the world they live in, nothing is guaranteed, and nothing can be taken for granted, and the kind of fear they all live with of never knowing is something he wants desperately to rid the world of.  This life of being trapped and stuck and always living in fear and uncertainty.  There’s nothing worse than that.  He talks about being willing to be the one to do the dirty work, to get his hands dirty, in order to prevent anyone else from having to do the same, to have to carry the burden of that, and in order for the nightmare of their desperate existence to finally come to an end, to save everyone from having to sit there and worry if they’ll be able to eat the next day, or if their friends will still be alive.  Levi calls himself abnormal here, and says it’s probably because he’s seen so many abnormal things, but he’s willing to be that, willing to be the freak or the “bad guy” if it means no one else has to deal with it, has to go through such horrible experiences of loss and pain and guilt.   This, again, is an awesome example of Levi’s selflessness.  He knows everyone in that room is looking at him with revulsion and anger, that they think he’s being a terrible person and cruel.  But he doesn’t care.  He doesn’t care what they think of him in that moment, because the lives of so many other people are at stake, and he knows if Historia refuses to take on her role as Queen, so many more are going to die.  This coup is happening, regardless, because the standing Monarchy has proven itself unwilling to put the lives of the people ahead of its own interests, and without a peaceful transition of power to overthrow a corrupt government, more lives will be lost.  In the face of that, Historia’s meekness and uncertainty is glaringly petty and unimportant.  

I also think Levi is, again, pulling from his own experiences growing up, the poverty of living in the Underground and having nothing.  Being on the fringes of society and abandoned and uncared for by a ruling government, left to starve and rot beneath a thriving, wealthy capital.  Dimo later defends Levi when his son starts talking smack about him, and remarks that a man like Levi, who is awkward but kind, must have come from absolutely nothing.  He defends Levi to Historia too, telling her he might be scary, but he’s not a bad guy.  He calls Levi kind, even after what happened with Historia.  Because he understood Levi’s violence here, when no one else really seemed to.  He understood that it was coming from a man who had to fight all his life just to survive from one day to the next, never having any certainty in what tomorrow would bring.  He understood that Levi’s compassion towards the downtrodden, like the people of Trost now are, is coming from a place of personal experience, and so he knew Levi would keep his word to help them, even though he didn’t have to and it gained him nothing.  Because Dimo perceives that Levi knows what it is to have “absolutely nothing”, he then sees the genuineness of Levi’s compassion and the inherent kindness in him, and his sincere generosity and thoughtfulness, underneath his brusque and rude manner.  When Levi asks his squad if they think they’ll have food to eat the next day, or if they’ll sleep well, I think he must be remembering his life in the Underground, when even simple, basic staples of living like that were never a sure thing.  

Levi’s frustration and anger with Historia here is because he knows there isn’t any time for that kind of self-involved mindset.  Levi’s made sacrifices to get them to this point, as has Hange, as has the entirety of the SC, and Historia is threatening to render all of those sacrifices moot and meaningless because she’s... insecure.  Again, Levi can’t bear meaningless sacrifice.  So he gets incredibly pissed, and because, as always, Levi has so much trouble expressing himself through words, this is how he goes about trying to make Historia understand the importance of her part in this, how vital it is to so many other people’s lives that she step up and become Queen.  

It’s interesting too that this outburst on Levi’s part comes right after he expresses and shows so much trust and respect towards Dimo and his men, because it gives us such a clear picture into how Levi treats people with so much thoughtfulness and understanding for their position, but how he often struggles to express those things in words.  That, too, speaks the the kind of life Levi had growing up.  A world where social niceties and politeness were nonexistent.  Levi has such a pure, good heart, but he has no refinement or charm, and he’s no good at talking to people.  That inability to make himself clear or understood also leads to frustrated and angry outbursts like this, I think.  He wants Historia to understand, to realize how she herself is being foolishly selfish by letting her insecurity keep her from doing the right thing, but he doesn’t know how to make her see it, so he picks her up and yells at her.  

Anyway, that’s what I’ve got for these two chapters!  

Oh, and also on a side note, Armin was creepy as hell in chapter 55, lol.  Armin is an interesting character, because he seems so timid and nice, but he’s actually one of the most manipulative characters in the series.  Of course he’s one of the few that understood early on that in order to gain something, you have to be willing to make sacrifices too.  But his manipulativeness is a trait of his that sticks out pretty prominently at times, and so I always find it strange when people talk about what a sweet or caring person he is.  I do think Armin cares about his friends and comrades a lot, for sure, but he’s also a little scary in his deviousness, in how good he is at knowing how to get people to do what he wants.  

[bonnini]

Well I promised you a post about my bi Geoffrey Martewall headcanons so here it is guys <3

So…as I previously mentioned in a tag under one of @agapantoblu's posts, I've been half-seriously headcanoning Geoffrey Martewall a.k.a. the best character in the Hypervesum series as a clueless bisexual for... well, for some time. Let's say a year and a half. I've never bothered actually sharing these headcanons online because I didn't really have a clear idea for an actual argument in support of this claim of mine, but now I’m finally ready to put the all the reasons why I get extra-strong bisexual vibes from Geoffrey Martewall into words. Beware…it’s a lot of words :’’)

Exhibit A: Geoffrey and women

1.1. Geoffrey’s taste in women is just too good

Listen. LISTEN. Our man’s taste in women is IMPECCABLE: he could, as Brianna said herself, have chosen to take any young noble maiden as his wife, but he decided to go for a woman that 1) is a couple years older than him 2) is not noble at all and, you know, used to be just a poor paesant before coming to Châtel-Argent 3) already has a son who was fathered by a French knight to whom she was never married and that she had to raise as a teen single mom 4) at the time of their first meeting had a crush on his current worst enemy. LISTEN!!!!!!!! Geoffrey’s taste in women is suspiciously good, way too good, in fact, to be that of a medieval straight guy. I mean…Ian, a man who comes from the 21st century, fell for the textbook angelic maiden, while Geoffrey literally did not even bother looking around for some young blushing bride and just decided that the hot milf who threatened him with a pitchfork in book 2 was his first and best choice. What an Absolute Fucking King. This choice of his is, in my opinion, very telling of the kind of view he has of romance and women in general.

Which brings me to the next point, namely:

1.2. Geoffrey appears to have an attitude towards women and a view of womanhood that are significantly more modern than those of an average knight of his time

Is it just me or is Geoffrey actually the one with the most… modern mindset out of all the knights starring in the saga? There are a couple of specific scenes that kind of make me think of him as an outlier among his peers, and although some of those are definitely there for the purpose of showing us that Martewall is indeed a rather peculiar knight, others contribute to creating the picture of a character that is almost… out of place in the 13th century? 

Allow me to expand a bit further on the “Geoffrey and women” topic: we saw how chivalrous and respectful Geoffrey was towards an unconscious and injured Brianna. First he made sure her son was comfortable with him warming her up using his own body, and reassured him he meant no disrespect by removing her clothes; then, he proceeded to strip her in the most methodical and detached way possible, which let us know Geoffrey respects a woman’s body and modesty the way any proper, courteous medieval man would. But then there’s another, and in my opinion far more interesting, instance in which Geoffrey is seen interacting with a woman: I’m talking about his brief conversation with Blanche of Castile in book 3. Here we see 1) how Geoffrey treats women he is not attracted to (“not attracted to” as in: women he has no interest in romancing), and 2) to what degree he actually respects female authority. 

Our first introduction to Blanche is the scene in which Guillaume, Ian and Henri de Bar are talking about her right before the audience in Paris, during which we learn that the vast majority of noblemen do not take her opinions seriously and do not appreciate seeing her talk during political debates. Even Henri de Bar, although he does not mean to be insolent, raises an eyebrow at the thought of a woman participating in conversations that concern military strategy, while Guillaume seems almost amused at Ian’s heartfelt defence of her speeches. Which is why Geoffrey’s brief interaction with her stands out so much: when she starts talking about the war in England with him, he carefully listens to her as if she were just another male superior officer: he does not appear even slightly surprised by her competence, he does not try to dumb down the topic of discussion, he listens carefully to what she is saying, he offers his opinion only when she asks for it and he answers her questions in the most straightforward way possible. At no point during the conversation does he ever attempt to pull the condescending “with all due respect, madame…” to correct or contradict her statements. He is not in courteous knight mode, he is in soldier mode, and is unfazed by the fact that the one he is discussing logistics and war strategy with is a delicate looking princess.  Once again, the author is fleshing out Geoffrey’s character by having the protagonist and point of view character draw a direct comparison between him and other men. Martewall does not simply respect women as in “oh I’m a proper knight and I use my blade to protect defenceless maidens”, he actually, genuinely respects women. 

Which in my opinion is such an interesting facet of his values and personality: in the second half of book 2, Ian notices how thoroughly Harald Martewall managed to drill the code of chivalry into his son’s head, and remarks on the fact that the Martewalls are all perfect examples of the True Old School Knights. Both Harald and Geoffrey are the embodiment of the honourable, unyielding, upright warrior trope, and they perfectly fit the image we modern people conjure in our minds when we think of a knight of the Middle Ages. This specific aspect of Geoffrey’s set of values gives his character a strong, let’s say “old-fashioned” connotation, and yet said set of values seems to come from an internal source rather than rely on tradition and external rules. He, for example, got rid of his helm and shield when he saw his adversary in combat was not fully equipped, but he also willingly assisted the Dauphin in taking over England despite having previously sworn an oath of loyalty to John Plantagenet, since his sense of honour compelled him to aid the man who provided him with the help he needed to get his home back. Geoffrey is way more likely to base his choices on what his own moral compass compels him to do rather than resort to convention and tradition to tell right from wrong. This makes Geoffrey a perfect blend of both old and modern qualities, and in the context of his relationship with women he tends to lean quite heavily on his more modern side.  

Let’s go back to discussing his first introduction to Brianna for a second: he witnesses Brianna express her unrequited attraction to Ian, flirt with him and even mock-kiss him straight on the lips, and yet not only does that not make Geoffrey respect her any less, it also does not concern him at all later in book 3 when the story hints at the fact that he might have an interest in taking her as his wife. This is a rather unusual attitude! I mean, even the exuberant Etienne de Sancerre, who has shown an overt preference for feisty and confident women, grumbles and protests in jealousy when his wife Donna and Daniel greet each other with a hug while out in public, deeming the gesture to be inappropriate. What I’m trying to say here is that this is a man who is waaaaay ahead of his peers in regards to his view of women and womanhood, and who also appears to be very confident in his masculinity (so confident, in fact, that the thought of having to “put women in their place” never once crosses his mind), hence why I keep sensing the most excellent kind of bisexual vibes coming from him.

Exhibit B: Geoffrey and men

2.1 Jerome and Geoffrey’s friendship makes NO sense

And I mean it. Yes, we do read about Ian wondering how two people with such different sets of core values (ok maybe Jerome lacked core values all together lol) could have ever been friends, which means that yes, readers are in fact meant to notice how misguided Geoffrey is in his commitment to honour this bond of friendship and avenge Jerome’s death, but the more I think about this, the more I convince myself that this whole situation is, in fact…really weird.

Let’s start from the beginning: so, Geoffrey’s anger over Jerome’s death is the main source of conflict between him and Ian, and it puts the plot of book 2 in motion. Now, we never actually saw Geoffrey and Jerome talk to each other in book 1 (because at the time of its drafting the author had not yet planned on writing a sequel for it) so all the available details about their relationship (mind you, there aren’t that many) have to be gleaned from Geoffrey’s recollections present in book 2 and pieced back together in order to get a clearer picture. Another fact that should be noted is that we also never saw Jerome talk about Geoffrey (again, because Geoffrey wasn’t really that relevant to the plot of book 1): Geoffrey’s words are the only source available when it comes to trying to reconstruct what their interactions might have been like, which means that our perspective on their friendship is going to be inevitably, extremely one-sided. 

So here we go, book 2, chapter 5: Geoffrey has decided to abduct Ian and Daniel and drag them to his home in England to get some answers and avenge Jerome’s death and he currently has Ian at his mercy, so he immediately starts asking questions. He asks why he currently is not home, he asks why his brother has no knowledge of his whereabouts, he asks if his name really is Jean Marc de Ponthieu, and these are all very dangerous questions: they pose a real threat to Ian’s credibility. But then, when Geoffrey asks why Jerome was so certain he was an imposter, Ian breathes in relief, because that means Geoffrey knows nothing about the ambush in Couronne.

But. Wait a second.

How could Geoffrey possibly not know about Couronne? That’s how Derangale KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that Ian and Jean de Ponthieu were never the same person! Dude was busy forging incriminating letters left and right with Ponthieu’s help??? He was the one who helped Ponthieu and Renaud De Dammartin set Isabeau up to be assaulted by Claude de Dammartin??? Geoffrey explicitly says Jerome was obsessed with Ian, so Derangale must have talked his ear OFF with all his incessant rambling about him being an imposter…and Geoffrey did not bother asking him about the details of this weird doppelganger theory of his ONCE? We know how sharp and observant Geoffrey is. We know he is perceptive, and straightforward in voicing his opinions, and not easy to fool. We know he is the type of guy who likes to ask direct questions and get believable, clear answers in return, so he MUST have asked Jerome why he was so sure about the illegitimacy of Ian’s identity. How did Jerome answer? Did he make up a lie on the spot? Geoffrey is equipped with a very functional built-in anti-nonsense super-sensor (the one that allowed him to immediately spot all the places in which Ian’s deception and intentional gaslighting were coming off at their seams even after Ian had managed to convince Geoffrey’s own father that he was Jean de Ponthieu’s second-born son), so if that was the case – if Jerome had indeed tried to make up some story about why he knew who the real Jean de Ponthieu was – Geoffrey (in theory) would have easily been able to tell that he was being lied to. 

Do we then have to assume Jerome simply replied with “I just know”? Well…the text implies that this is the most plausible option: as Ian and Geoffrey’s heated conversation goes on, we realize that the only reason Geoffrey believes Ian to be an imposter is…because Jerome said so. And this, in my opinion, says a lot about both Geoffrey’s relationship with Derangale and his current emotional state. Let’s really think about what this little kidnapping stunt of his must look like from an outside perspective: Geoffrey just decided to abduct a man whose identity has been publicly confirmed by Guillaume de Ponthieu, one of the most powerful men on French soil, who also happens to be a relative of king Philippe Auguste (which means Ian has ties to the royal family as well lol???), who ALSO confirmed that Ian is the youngest Ponthieu brother and PERSONALLY BESTOWED the title of Faucon du Roi upon him. Geoffrey does not (currently) have a shred of proof against Ian: he just chose to believe that Ian is some random foreigner who has been allowed to pretend to be a nobleman and marry Isabeau de Montmayeur by the count of Ponthieu and the king of France because that’s what Jerome believed. Jerome stood alone in front of the entire French court, subjecting himself to ridicule, to denounce Ian as an imposter and Guillaume as a liar (and readers know he is 100% right, but look at this from the perspective of one of the characters who are not involved in this intrigue), which are such far-fetched, absurd, ludicrous accusations, even the closest of Jerome’s friends would have demanded at least some evidence in order to give his version of the story some credit. And yet Geoffrey, who has not been given even one crumb of information on the real Jean de Ponthieu’s actual political alignment, simply decided to stand with him against the rest of the world. 

And then, Ian starts answering Geoffrey’s questions by telling him all the vile things Jerome did to him, his family and his friends (while still carefully avoiding the Couronne topic): he tells him of his sadism, villany and criminal actions, and Geoffrey does not believe a single word of what he’s saying. He straight up calls all these accusations lies, and he urges Ian to stop insulting a knight of England his peer and a man of honour deserving of respect. Geoffrey refuses to listen to any negative remark Ian has to make and threatens him with violence when he insists on calling Jerome an unworthy man. “Jerome wasn’t a liar”, he says; “he was my friend, and you killed him”. This is exactly what I meant when I said their friendship strikes me as extremely weird: I mean come on, really? Derangale was a textbook piece of shit. He was violent, vengeful, and arrogant, and yet Geoffrey describes him as a “man of honour”??? It almost seems as if he and Ian are not even talking about the same person??? The sadistic felon Ian met in Cairs is nothing like the friend Geoffrey has such a high opinion of. Which can only mean one thing, namely that when he was with Geoffrey, Jerome was on his best behaviour. And in order to have adapted his behaviour to fit Geoffrey’s expectations of a good and honourable friend, Derangale must have had a very clear picture of the kind of person his “friend” was. Jerome knew Geoffrey would never have allowed all that malicious shit to happen under his watch, so he decided to keep all his plotting a secret from him. Geoffrey never was Jerome’s accomplice in aiding Renaud de Dammartin, Ferrand de Flandre and Jean de Ponthieu steal the Montmayeur fief for king John, and therefore has no reason to believe Ian’s words. 

There are two things about this situation that strike me as particularly weird. First of all: Derangale wasn’t just witholding information from Geoffrey, he was also hiding his true nature from him. And Geoffrey…never noticed? Geoffrey, who can usually smell bullshit and deception from a mile away, who has no difficulty in telling a man of honour from a felon, who normally would not bother wasting his time being friends with such an insufferable prick, never managed to guess the true nature of Jerome’s character? Huh??? And secondly: why exactly did Derangale ask for help from a guy he was so sure he would never have been able to turn into one of his accomplices he had to actively keep parts of himself and his plans hidden for months up to the battle in Bouvines? What we know, thanks to Harald Martewall, is that Jerome was the first to reach out to Geoffrey back in book 1: apparently, the two of them used to be friends as young boys, then stopped seeing each other for a couple of years until Derangale decided to pick up the phone and give him a call. Geoffrey was in England, minding his own business, when Jerome contacted him to ask if he was willing to join him in Béarne. He, as sir Harald recalls, “was busy raising a cavalry troop for Ferrand De Flandre, and wanted my last-born as champion in a tournament”. It is not difficult to guess why Derangale asked specifically for Geoffrey to join his faction. Martewall is, simply put, the baddest bitch in the area: he is easily the scariest and most skilled warrior out of all the knights we get to meet in the saga, and an experienced tournament champion is precisely what Jerome needs for the little show he has in plan for Béarne. What I really want to know here is: couldn’t Derangale have called for literally any other English knight to help him win? Why did he risk enrolling a guy he knew would never have approved of his schemes and totally could have kicked his ass if he ever found out about his misconduct? Couldn’t he have called for a couple more champions who would have been overjoyed at the opportunity of beating the shit out of all those French knights? Why did it have to be just him and Geoffrey against the ENTIRETY of Philippe Auguste’s lineup? Why was he so confident in his ability to manipulate Geoffrey? Oh AND. This is an information that is nowhere to be found in the actual books but it is something I asked the author to confirm because I was just too curious: Geoffrey…did not have fun in Béarne, like at all. He did not care for the show Jerome wanted to put on, he did not enjoy participating in that display of strength and superiority, and he was grumpier than usual during the whole ordeal. So our man Jerome basically decided to rely exclusively on Geoffrey’s excellence and made him travel all the way to Béarne instead of putting together a slightly larger faction of fellows who could have maybe shared his immoral cause (like hello?????? it’s literally JUST the two of them against ALL the French nobles competing at the tournament lmfao??? I mean ok girl!!! give us drama! give us spectacle!) despite knowing that 1) he would have had to completely alter his behaviour around him 2) he could never have explained to him why he knew with absolute certainty Ian was an imposter and 3) Geoffrey would have intensely disliked being at the centre of theatrics. Like…I get that Geoffrey is your most skilled friend when it comes to the art of jousting, but… his presence is also a bit too inconvenient in this context? I mean really? You didn’t know any other knights in the area who could have been available as champions? You had to call for Geoffrey? Specifically for him? Haha girl ok! (oh and you also saved some of the custom higher quality blades you had made for your squadron to arm Geoffrey? Ok! Oh and you decided to pick Geoffrey as the other leader of your special squadron? Girl Ok!!! The guy would leave your ass in less than a second if he ever found out about your awful crimes so keeping him at your side is quite the risky move, but you do you I guess).

And another thing is, not only did Geoffrey hate every second of that charade, he (and this is also information that I got directly from the author) was downright shocked at Derangale’s unprompted act of violence against the young count of Grandpré… that was something that caught him completely off guard and that left a bitter taste in his mouth. It makes total sense for Geoffrey to feel this way, that’s very in character for him. What actually, really surprises me is Geoffrey’s reaction at hearing Ian mention this particular incident. You were there, says Ian, you saw Derangale attempt to kill a friend of mine with your own two eyes, and yet you insist on threatening me for calling him a criminal and an assassin. And that’s what finally prompts Geoffrey to lay hands on him. He silences him with a slap so violent it almost makes him fall on the ground. Geoffrey reacted with anger and disbelief when Ian was describing him heinous crimes that he never witnessed and did not believe to be true, but only resorted to physical violence when Ian forced him to acknowledge and condemn an action he actually saw Jerome commit. This brief scene alone is enough for me to confidently conclude that Geoffrey is, there are no other words fit to describe his current emotional state, deep in DENIAL. He hears an uncomfortable truth he has no way of denying, he lets that send him into a violent rage, he acts that violence out and then he ends the whole conversation there. He just. Leaves. And he repeats the same exact pattern of behaviour a second time! Book 2, chapter 12: Martewall starts to interrogate Daniel, who tells him about Derangale’s first attempt at kidnapping Isabeau AND manages to have one of his own men confirm his story. Then Geoffrey becomes visibly agitated, to the point he inadvertently breaks the rod he brought to beat information out of his prisoner in fucking two, CHANGES THE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION ON PURPOSE, and then when Daniel insists on bringing the conversation back to Derangale’s crimes he draws his sword, points it at him in another fit of anger and then! He LEAVES!! AGAIN!!! Bro???????????? You keep saying you “want the truth” and yet when you finally get it you cut the conversation off because you don’t like what you’re hearing? Hello???

“You insist on defending him only because you do not want to admit you have been lied to and manipulated by him”, this is what Daniel says to Martewall’s face, and the most articulate rebuttal he is able to come up with on the spot is “that is not true”. He absolutely did not expect to be confronted with such merciless answers, and he has no idea how to cope with Ian and Daniel ripping into the image of the good and honourable Jerome that only exists in his mind, so he just rejects anything negative they have to say and breaks things like a moody teenager.

His behaviour is extremely erratic. For the entirety of the first half of book 2, Geoffrey is clearly not his usual self. His own father tells him he does not recognize him anymore. And when Sir Harald confronts him and makes an attempt at urging him to release Daniel, Geoffrey reacts with something I would almost describe as a…temper tantrum? Sir Harald’s request for an explanation from his son is more than legit: after all, he just learned from Daniel that Geoffrey decided to kidnap a renowned nobleman on a whim, without any evidence of his supposed crimes, WITHIN THE BORDERS OF HIS FIEF IN FRENCH LANDS. That could get them in SERIOUS trouble with both his brother Guillaume de Ponthieu and Philippe Auguste himself, as Salisbury will later remark on. I mean, this action is not only dishonourable, as Sir Harald will be very quick to point out, but also extremely stupid. And Geoffrey is not stupid. Like, at all. He knows when to shut up, his rage is usually under check, he is not prone to acting out in anger or taking rash decisions. But here, Geoffrey is letting his emotions run rampant. His father is being perfectly reasonable, and he replies quite disrespectfully by stating that he is not a young boy anymore and that he will not allow for any reproach o interference on his part.

It should be noted that Geoffrey’s troubled state of mind is not solely the result of Jerome’s death. In fact, in chapter 12, Geoffrey makes it clear why he is so angry and frustrated. He lays out all of his reasons to his father:

“I’ve always done my duty and I lost my honour because of those to whom I owed my loyalty. I fought loyally until the very end, I paid my defeat with imprisonment, only to discover at my release that my name is associated to those of a friend deemed a felon and a king judged a coward; I return to my homeland and I end up on a list of traitors because of you! I am forced to be subject to the last two accusations, but the first…that one I intend to acquit myself from with any means necessary. At this point, I have already lost my dignity as a knight and you are the last person who can reproach me for it, since you are the one who dealt me the final blow”.

Geoffrey’s words reveal that he is also doing all of this for himself. He is now more desperate than ever to prove Jerome was always in the right, since this seems to be the only means of coping with the loss of his precious honour. The thought of having been friends with a felon of this magnitude is something Geoffrey could never, ever tolerate, because what would this say about him as a person? This explains the state of denial he currently is in: he has done something he would normally see as despicable by kidnapping Ian in his own lands, but he could excuse acting like a vulgar bandit if only he managed to force a confession out of Ian and avenge Jerome’s death (have I already mentioned Geoffrey has NO business being mad about Jerome meeting his demise at Ian’s hands? Dude was killed in fair combat. On a battlefield. Ian did not assassinate him or anything of that sort, there simply are NO good reasons as for why Geoffrey could ever want to “avenge” his friend’s death?? like there’s literally nothing to avenge here??? Lol???). And although Geoffrey is indeed defending Jerome’s honour because he feels that his crimes, if proven true, could reflect badly on himself, Geoffrey’s words still betray real attachment and a genuine feeling of affection for Jerome. Ian himself will later recognize their bond as valid by directly comparing it to the sentiment of friendship he shares with Daniel. At the time of Ian’s abduction, Geoffrey did not yet know that he would eventually be forced to fight yet another war once he’d finally reach his home: at that point in the story, Geoffrey’s motives for taking Ian and Daniel as prisoners had little to do with him wanting to gain back the honour he now feels his father tore from him by ordering him to side with him against their king. The primary motivation for his disreputable conduct in chapters 4 to 10 was, in my opinion, grief.

Another thing that I find extremely interesting and that in a way contradicts what I mentioned above about Geoffrey not being able to tolerate the thought of having been friends with a criminal, is that once he starts to come to terms with the proof of Jerome’s misconduct…he never disavows their friendship. What he says once he finally accepts Ian as his friend and lets go of Jerome’s obsession is: “I did everything in my power to honour our friendship, going even beyond common sense”. He never tries to claim they were never really friends or proclaim he wants to cut all ties with such a man. And towards the end of book 3, when Geoffrey and Ian are discussing what Ian’s exile really implicates and Ian is finally forced to admit he never was Jean de Ponthieu, Geoffrey all of a sudden brings Derangale into their conversation to reflect on how Jerome was right all along and how happy he is to learn that he at least did not lie to him about this one specific thing. Well, maybe I’m reading too much into this, but I was expecting him to focus on the sheer amount of lies he had been fed by…you know, Ian, the friend who happens to be alive and whom he is currently confronting. He does not even seem interested in asking Ian to explain himself, it is Ian who apologises to him, completely unprompted. They were having a conversation about Philippe Auguste and Guillaume de Ponthieu wielding the power to destroy his life, and after several beats of silence and intense consideration, what Geoffrey decided to say out loud was “I’m happy Jerome didn’t lie to me about you”? Ummmmmmm ok??????????? Lying to him certainly was not the worst thing Jerome has ever done? What about the many crimes he committed against Ian, his friends and his family? What I’m trying to say here is that Daniel’s argument about Geoffrey having been manipulated by Jerome must have cut deep, since here he is, bringing this up again. Derangale died more than two years ago, and Geoffrey already gave up on trying to redeem his honour and reputation, but he appears to be still in the middle of the process of learning to truly let him go. Dealing with the idea of having been deceived in such a cold way by a close friend to whom he though he owed unwavering loyalty is proving to be challenging. I might be delusional but I can only make sense of the fact Geoffrey brought Jerome into their conversation about Ian only to briefly touch on a strictly personal matter that concerned his own feelings and his private relationship with Ian’s old archenemy if I assume Geoffrey was, at this point in time, still dealing with some very intense and complicated feelings (….furthermore…………it doesn’t…really…make sense…for Geoffrey to be happy about Jerome telling him that Ian’s identity was a hoax…since the whole point of telling him that…was getting his help in destroying Ian and not really “being honest” with him…like…Geoffrey, love, why are you so desperately hanging on to these miniscule scraps of “““honest and genuine interactions”””, why do you still treasure this literal MICROSCOPIC CRUMB of “““sincerity””” on Jerome’s part…hello…………………???). Sorry but this whole Jerome/Geoffrey mess just exudes one-sided, unfulfilled and unacknowledged tenderness in copious amounts once you really start to read into it. My personal interpretation of the situation is that Geoffrey is having such a hard time trying to make sense of the extent of Derangale’s manipulation and condemning him as someone who was always undeserving of his friendship and devotion because he completely lacks the tools to properly analyse and interpret his own feelings on the matter.

2.2 Geoffrey and Ian vs Geoffrey and Jerome

I’m touching briefly on Ian and Geoffrey’s friendship dynamics in book 3 mainly because I think that their relationship will provide me with some good clues and parallels that could be of help in determining what Geoffrey was like when he was in Jerome’s company, since the third instalment in the series gives us such a wonderful and complete picture of the kind of friend Geoffrey is. Remember how Geoffrey immediately sided with Ian against Gant without asking for evidence against him and came to Ian’s rescue twice despite having very important businesses to attend to? Geoffrey has repeatedly shown that he has a tendency to be aggressively protective of his closest friends, to the point he has no problem resorting to extreme violence to ensure their safety (Ian, bleeding on the floor, gripping Geoffrey’s arm: “please tell me you took at least one of my assailants alive I’m going to need a witness???????” Geoffrey: “…” Ian: “…” The pile of corpses right behind them: “…” Geoffrey: “…sorry lol I kinda dealt with them in a bit of a heavy handed way” Ian: whimpers and collapses in his arms). Geoffrey’s attitude in regards to Ian’s enemies perfectly explains why he never had any qualms siding with Jerome against Ian despite the fact Derangale wasn’t telling him shit about the supposed evidence behind his outlandish claims. This is actually part of his regular pattern of behaviour: Geoffrey has consistently shown a thorough commitment towards undying trust and unconditional support through direct action. He might seem cold and aloof since he is never seen behave in an overtly friendly or approachable way when he is out in public (he also does not smile ONCE throughout the whole trilogy), but this right here is, in my opinion, a very affectionate man who is capable of forming true and intimate bonds with a handful of hand-picked men whose company he deeply treasures. Let’s talk about how Geoffrey U-turned at the speed of light to go back and help Ian corner Gant even though he was in the middle of carrying out an extremely important mission for Blanche of Castile. Let’s talk about how Derangale did not even have the time to fall to the ground after Ian delivered him the finishing blow, because Geoffrey literally teleported behind him to catch him, hoist him on his horse and take him to safety (let’s also talk about how Ian later found Derangale’s corpse among those of all the abandoned fallen soldiers the imperial army was not able to retrieve, and saw that his dead body had been laid on a shield with care, which means Geoffrey probably was the one responsible for preserving his dignity in death since we know for a fact he was there to hear Derangale’s last words and witness him die – I am literally about to start screaming please send help :)))))))). Do not let his grumpiness and harsh words fool you, Geoffrey is the most dedicated best friend another knight could ever ask for.

HOWEVER, the main difference between the two relationships I am comparing is that Geoffrey’s support of Ian is always unconditional, but never irrational in the same way his pursuit of revenge on Jerome’s behalf was, and at no point in the story does Geoffrey fail in evaluating Ian’s character or intentions. Furthermore, Ian’s gaslighting game was ON POINT in book 2, he was warping reality around Geoffrey like a damn magician, but Geoffrey never fully bought into his carefully crafted lies. And yet I am expected to believe that Derangale was such a skilled master manipulator he was able to conceal his true nature and agenda from Geoffrey for months? Hello??? PLEASE! Make it make sense!!! The ease with which Derangale was able to withold crucial information from him is extremely suspicious. Really? You mean to tell me Jerome Derangale had one of the least gullible people in the saga wrapped around his finger for years and never once slipped and misbehaved in front of him? Sorry I know at this point I must sound extremely redundant but Geoffrey’s selective blindness towards anything that concerns Derangale really is the weirdest thing ever, like, uh oh! Are you sure you didn’t catch any overly soft feelings for your bestie? So…I’m gonna say it: my theory on why Geoffrey’s behaviour was all over the place in the first chapters of book 2 is that he has always been completely unaware of the true nature and extent of his emotional attachment to Derangale, and this cluelessness of his contributed to worsening his already frustrated state. Furthermore, I also think Derangale must have noticed something was going on with Geoffrey and decided to use it to his advantage. Dude was a bit too confident, suspiciously confident in his ability to keep Geoffrey at his side without having to disclose any kind of compromising information.

In conclusion:

What I’m trying to say here is that I’m pretty convinced Geoffrey Martewall is not one of the straights. To sum all of this up, he:

-drinks astronomical amounts of his own extra strong brew of respect women juice on a daily basis

-has a tendency to get very attached to a few selected male friends who he then proceeds to protect with everything he has

-never noticed his old friend (👀) was lying to him, acted in a very out of character and erratic way for a while after his old friend’s (👀👀) death and was ready to commit actual crimes in an attempt to honour his old friend’s (👀👀👀) memory.

So. Yeah. The bi vibes are there. I would rather die than give up my Clueless Bisexual King Geoffrey Martewall headcanons! Sorry but a straight Geoffrey would make zero sense to me. Your honour can’t you see!!! this guy is WAY too cool not to be bi!!!

I rest my case.

P.S. I cannot BELIEVE I’m actually posting this monster on the day of the anniversary of the battle of Bouvines??? I swear I didn’t do it on purpose, at first I was really annoyed at the fact that putting this together was taking me weeks but then yesterday while I was editing I realized I would eventually be able to publish this on the very day Derangale died and Geoffrey was taken prisoner :’’) Perfect timing am I right?

[drxwsyni]

Petrified (pt.5)

Yandere Erasermic x f!Reader

SERIES MASTERLIST

a/n: idk what to say about this part. the dialogue wasn’t fun, but that’s about it! hope y’all enjoy!

5.9k words

Warnings: reader experiences anxiety

Realistically speaking, there was a very low chance that you’d be able to wrestle your nerves under control as you waited for the impending meeting. It was creeping upon you, quite painfully slowly. On top of that you still had yet to resolve the almost instantaneous sensation of despair you felt upon waking.

Even as you spent the time you had to yourself completing menial tasks, nothing could truly remedy the feelings that plagued your being. It was incessant. Eating away at your will to distract yourself. And eventually you did succumb to its pestering.

No matter what you occupied yourself with, the reality of the approaching situation would invade your thoughts. It would keep you there until you mentally fought tooth and nail against it. But even then it wasn’t enough. It simply became easier to settle with the mindset.

You opted to lay on your thrifted couch, toying with the soft tussles on the blanket that was draped over your lower half. The connection of the fabric running across your fingers to how it actually felt wasn’t something your brain was choosing to register at the moment.

Rather, you simply stewed on your conflict.

It felt like you did this a lot nowadays. Brewing over muddled thoughts that didn’t entirely make sense but also did at the same time.

You trusted Shouta and Hizashi. Yet there was always an inkling of suspicion―or perhaps it was moreso a fear. Probably both, you assumed. What you wouldn’t give to have this whole reality be erased from existence. To never have met the two. Never have gotten preyed on by some lowly criminals that made you so indebted.

But that wasn’t something you could control. Much like you couldn’t seem to control the extent of the impact the heroes were having on your life. That was something they preferred to dictate, regardless of your protests.

Not that you protested all that much. To be fair, you hadn’t exactly been assertive with your wishes. Still, that doesn’t mean your few opinions should be as disregarded as they were.

It angered you more than anything. Shouta wouldn’t give you the chance to speak your mind while Hizashi glazed over the problem with a delusional sense of care. With their combined insistence it was more than enough to force you back into your shell. A place where no matter how upset you were, the courage to speak your mind was next to impossible.

If you didn’t know any better you would think that they were just as aware of this as you. After all, they seemed to be exploiting your weaknesses more and more. Maybe they did know you quite literally feared their methods of approach and were doing it just to see your pitiful reactions.

It would be cruel, and highly unlikely. But your mind had a habit of coming up with the worse case scenario, and this idea was no exception.

You were so wrapped up in contemplating the meaning for their behaviour and subsequently how you felt because of it that the time passing at an alarming rate didn’t even phase you.

No, not until the sound of your phone pinging―an alert for received text messages―were you finally pulled out of your stupor.

From: Shouta

Are you still okay with being picked up at 5:30?

4:32 pm

The time on the receipts made your heart drop a little. An hour left.

You:

That’s fine :)

4:33 pm

From: Shouta

Let me know if you need more time.

4:33 pm

You:

Will do, thanks!

4:34 pm

Of course you didn’t need more time to meddle with your own thoughts.

How exactly were you supposed to get ready to spend time with them? You couldn’t make anything to bring, something they made clear. Were you supposed to wear something casual? Or maybe dressing up a little was the better option.

None of these details really mattered, but overthinking was one of the things you were best at. So at each decision you came across you muddled over what to do. When all was said and done, you chose to settle with a navy blouse and black high waisted jeans. Dark colours were best for not drawing attention to yourself after all, and that was exactly what you wanted to do.

The rest of the routine to prepare for your slowly ensuing departure from the comfort of your apartment was done on autopilot. Any actions couldn’t be fully processed when your mind was drowning in nonsensical worries and ‘what if’ scenarios. The phenomenon wasn’t surprising, but still mentally taxing nonetheless. Nothing you could think or do would make you feel better. This was just something you would have to push through regardless of the voice in your head urging you to make up an excuse not to go.

After all, excuses now would only postpone the inevitable. And right now the inevitable was already here.

From: Shouta

I’m outside.

5:29 pm

You’d been ready for the past fifteen minutes―spending your remaining time anxiously waiting at the kitchen table. You regarded the text with a feeling of dread, but pushed the sensation down as you pulled on your shoes and jacket, stuffing your wallet in a pocket.

Just as he said, Shouta was waiting outside the apartment complex in the parking lot. He was leaning against the side of his car, eyes trained on his phone. Dressed in casual clothes with his hair pulled back into a half bun, he lifted his head upon hearing your approaching footsteps.

You watched as his eyes briefly scanned your form, presumably taking in your choice of clothing. “Ready to go?”

He didn’t exactly sound bored with the pseudo-greeting, rather it was a ‘let’s move this along’ kind of sound. It made you question for a moment whether he actually cared about the situation, but you disregarded the idea. “Of course.” Out of habit you offered a warm smile, which made his face lighten slightly in return. Even that alone was comforting compared to his normally serious facade.

Shouta opened the passenger door for you, letting you step in before closing it. He rounded the car and entered on the drivers side while you fastened your seatbelt, hands shaking ever so slightly. It was in your best interest to keep your nerves under control as much as possible, lest one of the two men pick up on it and become more concerned.

The car started with a low hum, the interior dashboard lighting up in areas that were blacked out before. The radio was playing quietly, allowing you to just barely register the soft rock music being emitted from the speakers. Shouta was the first to break the silence as he began driving.

“So, how was work yesterday?”

Small talk, thank god.

It would probably be a good idea to disregard the normal strain it put on your body. “It was good, like any other Friday I guess.”

The erasure hero nodded slightly before replying, “Anyone giving you trouble?” His eyes never left the road as he spoke, which you were thankful for, but it also made his expression hard to read from where you were sitting.

“I suppose a few people were a little impatient, but it’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”

To that he only offered a hum in response before moving to turn the radio up. By now there was a segment between the hosts, and you gratefully let it fill the silence if it meant you could avoid any awkward bits of forced conversation.

You found out regrettably that his home wasn’t too far from your apartment. Perhaps roughly ten minutes there by car, and you were already pulling up to the settlement.

It was comfortably small, set in a neighbourhood with houses of a similar size. You could tell that it was a pricy abode, evident in the elaborately carved wooden doors and smooth stone walkway. Everything exuded luxury, and you expected to find the same quality of handiwork on the inside. Not only that, but it was placed comfortably in the midst of the city―not close enough to any normal bustling life but in an area that would allow for a fast commute. Just another aspect that alluded to it’s likely expensive cost.

Shouta pulled into the driveway, parking the car inside the garage which was surprisingly big enough to fit the automobile. You stepped out as soon as the car door unlocked, the erasure hero following suit. The sound of the doors slamming shut echoed off the walls loudly, causing you to jump a little with your nerves already being on edge. Silently, you prayed he had yet to pick up on your behaviour.

“S’just through here.” Shouta gestured to the only door in the room before heading towards it, one hand shoved in his pocket. He held it open in wait for you to round the car and step through the threshold.

Instantly your senses were flooded with a smell that was so indisputably welcoming―a certain warmth, enhanced by the aroma of a home cooked meal in the making. It was wildly calming, and in that moment you forgot how stressed you’d been over the ordeal you were about to sit through. And yet, even as you came back to reality, the atmosphere continued to still your worries to a certain extent.

“We’re home.” The erasure hero’s voice sounded off behind you, causing you to turn to see that he was removing his jacket. You did the same, but before you could ask where to hang it Shouta had already gently removed the article from your hands, placing it on a hanger in the front entrance closet.

As you were removing your shoes a certain voice hero made himself known. “I’m just in the kitchen, grub’s almost done and cooked!”

Once the two of you had finished up getting comfortable, Shouta led the way deeper into the house. Following him, you finally laid eyes on his partner who was preoccupied at the stove. He glanced over his shoulder, face turning bright upon seeing you.

“Songbird? How’ve ya been?” He talked like he hadn’t seen you in forever, but that was no surprise.

What did come as a surprise was the suffocatingly tight hug he went on to wrap you in. The contact was jarring, but you did your best not to recoil. After all, you would be lying if you said the hug wasn’t at least a little nice. Sure, your mind had momentarily ceased it’s functioning from the shock, but biology did have its ways of easing your pain. Namely, in the form of that sweet release of serotonin as an innate response to the affection. Leaning into it to prove you weren’t too bothered by the close proximity, you responded. “Ah―fine. The same as last time you saw me I guess.”

The blond pulled away, opting to hold you by the shoulders as he spoke. “That head feelin’ okay? Your meds workin’?” The look in his eyes told you how concerned he was, even though the soft tone in his voice did more than enough to convey it. It was one of the few times it carried such delicacy to it, something you were grateful for as you don’t think the normal booming of his voice would’ve been tolerable from such a distance.

You smiled warmly, doing your best to maintain eye contact―and failing after a few seconds. “Yep, everything's back to normal, pretty much…”

That’s what you said, but it wasn’t the truth.

The reality of your health was something you normally chose to disregard, but you knew it wasn’t normal. At the end of the day, your normal was likely another person's hell. The exhaustion you felt was second nature, but that didn’t mean it was easy to deal with. However, putting up with the sensation was worth what you got out of it. So you kept going―kept lying―both to yourself and others that you were okay.

The pause Hizashi gave before answering instilled a brief pang of anxiety. The two were unbearably perceptive―they had to be, being heroes and all. But whatever he was thinking seemed to pass. “Good ta hear, why don'tcha make yourself comfortable while we finish up sweetheart.”

You glanced over to the stovetop, then to the countertop that was adorned with wayward vegetables and measuring cups. Naturally, you couldn’t help but offer assistance. “Oh, I don’t mind helping out. If you want I could―”

“Nah listener! Go get comfy, ‘Shou and I’ve got this.” He gave your shoulder a few reassuring pats, before motioning to the living room with his other hand.

As he gave you a gentle push, you managed to sputter out a response. “Um―okay, then…” Was it a strong response? No. But they weren’t giving you time to come up with something more polite. So you took Hizashi’s queue and padded over to the living room.

The first thing you noticed when you stepped into the expanse was how...empty it was. It had furniture―more than enough to fill the room. All of it looking high in value, only adding to the comfort and prestige of their home. That wasn’t the issue. It was the lack of personal items that stood out.

There were none of the items that you would expect in a well lived in home. Things like photos or framed degrees on the wall―nothing to suggest that either of the two heroes stayed there. Not so much as a haphazardly discarded personal belonging like a sweater or even a stray coffee mug was in sight. It was immaculately devoid of unique human presence. The only thing that served as evidence to suggest someone was actually living there and it wasn’t more so a showroom was the laptop on the coffee table in front of the couch.

But that was it. Peculiar, to say the least.

There was quite literally nothing else for you to evaluate. Nothing to help you get a better sense of who the heroes were behind closed doors. With the lack of stimulation came an awkward feeling of self awareness. So you did what the blond instructed―you made yourself comfortable.

The couch looked invitingly cushiony, so there you took up residence, pulling out your phone for the distraction of social media. You had your back to Shouta and Hizashi who were still in the kitchen. That particular detail mildly unsettled you, and you did your best not to let the paranoia induced urge to keep looking over your shoulder get to you.

With the comfort of the temporary seclusion you concluded that while they might be taking your presence to make up for the burden you’ve placed on them, you were paying an equal amount with your sanity. They couldn’t have seen how much their existence in your life as of late was displacing your will to remain calm. If they did then you were sure the heroes in them wouldn’t have suggested this meeting.

They were getting too personal, and all you could think about was never having to see them again after tonight.

Regrettably, the sound of clinking metal pulled you out of your thoughts. Behind you Shouta had begun setting the dining table, placing down cutlery along with napkins. Part of you knew that your offer of assistance would be shot down. It was all routine at this point, and you’d honestly lost track of the amount of times it had happened.

You inwardly cursed yourself for causing unnecessary anxiety, “I can help with that, if you want.” The ‘if you want’ came out unintentionally, your subconscious knowing what was about to happen.

Shouta glanced up at you, “That’s fine (y/n), you can just take a seat.” He went back to what he was doing without another word, before heading back to the kitchen.

It wasn’t even worth putting up resistance over.

Standing up, you walked over to the dining room, claiming the spot next to the head of the table. Not a moment later and the two were walking out with various bowls which appeared to be steaming.

“Hope you’re hungry sunshine! Dinner’s comin’ in hot” Hizashi set down a bowl in front of you.

“It’s beef stew, hope you don’t mind.” The erasure hero sat down at the head of the table. His partner left the room, only to return with a tray of golden dinner rolls.

“Homemade and fresh outta the oven!” He set the tray down in the middle of the table, taking a seat across from you.

You looked down at the food displayed before you. Frankly, it looked absolutely delectable. “This looks really good, you must’ve been at it for a while.”

Shouta had already begun eating so you assumed it was safe for you to do the same. Lo and behold, the food tasted just as good as it looked. The perfect ratio of vegetables to meat, seasoned to perfection. It was impressive, to say the least.

“Yeah it did take a bit, but it’s worth it for you songbird!”

You were almost too distracted by the mouth watering meal that was gracing your tastebuds to care about his pet names. And even if you did care, the hospitality would help in overlooking it. Thankfully your nerves had calmed down a bit, part of you thinking that you were growing used to their presence ever so slightly.

As you ate, the two took it upon themselves to make idle discussion to fill the silence, Hizashi always doing more of the talking than his counterpart. You did the listening, as they were dealing with topics beyond you. Namely hero work, its details something that you couldn’t quite relate to, let alone offer something valuable to the conversation. You weren’t complaining either―it was easier to let them go on than it was to worry yourself over trying to find something interesting to say.

It would’ve been nice if things could’ve stayed like that. The mood was something you could tolerate at the moment, an occurrence that was rare when you were around the two men. But of course something so ideal as that would never last.

Soon enough their back and forth discourse began heading exactly where you hoped they would avoid tonight.

Hizashi was on the subject of a few unsavoury criminals that had been active in the area. Nothing too serious, but still posing a large enough threat to those who were less capable of defending themselves.

And then he started talking about the area you were walking through when you just so happened to get cornered by similarly dangerous individuals.

At that point you were a little over halfway done eating, and desperately wishing to quickly move from the subject if not just drop it entirely. But no, Hizashi was intent on remaining on the topic.

“Ya know, a few buddies of mine have been dealing with some trouble in that area.” With his mouth half full, he continued. “Sure you gotta work so late? Can’t imagine walkin’ home at that time is very safe.”

You’d lost your appetite.

“Yeah, they need me to cover the later shifts, and I don’t really mind it, so…”

Shouta seemed to be more interested in the discussion now that you were involved. “Still, you should try and switch to morning shifts.”

“Mm―not only that but ya can’t just go exploring a bunch of alleyways. Shit’s bound to happen there hun.” The blond had set his food aside and was more than happy to indulge himself further in telling you what to do.

Did they really think you were so dense that you’d be going down alleyways just to explore?

You placed your spoon in the almost empty bowl, bringing your hands to rest on your lap. At least like that they wouldn’t be able to see you trying to relieve some stress by repetitively fidgeting with the end of your sleeve or digging your nails into the palms of your hands.

“I was taking a shortcut. That’s not something I would normally do.” There was a certain feeling of spite in your voice, but you doubt they could register it. Rather you probably simply sounded displeased to be talking about that night, mixed with a hint of shame for letting yourself get attacked like that.

“If that’s the case then I’d advise you take the long way. You’re just putting yourself at a higher risk by going down that path.” Shouta was taking a sip of his drink as the two let you process their advice. He didn’t seem to like the idea of you ‘putting yourself at risk,’ judging by the almost disappointed tone in his voice.

It was hard for you to meet their eyes as they spoke, so instead you alternated between staring at the table while looking at them for a brief second to prove that yes, you were listening to them.

However you did watch as Hizashi moved to fold his hands atop the table, leaning forward slightly. He paused, likely gathering his thoughts. “And, ah...somethin’s been sorta bothering Shou’ and I for a bit.” The two men eyed each other for a moment, “It’s just...the doctor never said what was quite wrong with ya, being so tired and all.”

The heroes were looking intently at you for an answer, causing you to mentally recoil from the unwanted attention. But you still had to come up with something to influence them into moving on to something that didn’t directly relate to your wellbeing. “Oh...well it was the end of the week I guess. That probably explains it…” You were curious to see if the answer was satisfactory, but upon looking up a little more to judge their reactions you found that oh no, that was most definitely not enough.

They didn’t look convinced in the slightest. You weren’t lying to them, just omitting most of the truth. And somehow it felt like they knew you were doing so―your suspicions being quickly confirmed.

“You passed out, (y/n). Your records don’t list any medical problems so there should be no reason your shifts cause you that much exhaustion.”

You had no doubt Shouta was boring holes into your skull with the unmatched intense look he was likely giving you. The wavering amounts of courage you held only allowed you to observe him from the shoulders down. He’d leaned back in his chair at this point, one hand in his lap while the other rested on the table.

They didn’t have the right to be so invasive with your personal life. They were heroes. They saved people and then they were supposed to move on.

Not access their medical history without their permission to see if they were being completely honest.

As if sensing your growing uncomfortableness, Hizashi piped up. “We’re just worried about ya sweetheart. Stuff like that doesn’t just happen outta the blue. And if somethin’ really is wrong then you gotta tell us.”

You could almost drown in the concern blanketing his words and tone. It was conflicting―you knew he was being genuine, and that the two were just that invested in your wellbeing at the moment. But that’s what scared you.

The attention was entirely unwelcome. How many times did you have to reassure them that you were handling things before they let it go?

Self-awareness was haunting you, knowing full well how you were going to be unable to control the shakiness in your voice. Even less so was the hold you had over the stirring of worrisome emotions brewing inside you. You knew skirting around the truth was better than telling them you used your quirk at work. They would probably get mad at you―the reality wasn’t a conventionally accepted thing.

“I think..I’m just a naturally tired person. And those guys freaked me out a bit, so...I don’t know. I guess it was just a combination of those things?”

You waited in heavy silence for a response. For once it seemed that they were thinking before they spoke. Hizashi especially liked to say whatever came to mind, at least that’s what you thought. Shouta wasn’t as impulsive, but he never hesitated this long. And so when he finally spoke, you weren’t sure whether to be relieved due to the occurrence or not―given what he said.

“If you think we believe that excuse for a second then you're very wrong, (y/n). You might be tired, but we know there’s more to it than that. It’d be much easier if you’d just cooperate with us.”

Looking up was a bad idea, but your head moved on its own. While Shouta looked as menacing as ever, his partner looked...nervous. You’d never seen him that way, like he was suffering just as much as you were. Perhaps it was a side effect of this irrational concern he felt, realistically you didn’t care. But the feeling transferred to you and slowly the pit in your stomach grew bigger and bigger with each passing second. You weren’t sure how much longer you’d be able to hold out.

“Please just tell us the truth, songbird. You’re not in trouble, we promise. It’s just―we can tell there’s somethin’ off with ya.” If your hands were on the table you wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to hold them, knowing of his tendencies.

You looked back and forth between the two, eyes silently pleading for them to just drop it altogether.

Of course, you knew they wouldn’t.

Maybe you should just run while you had the chance?

“R-really, I’m okay. Listen, dinner was...really good, but I think I should be going n―”

“You’re not leaving.”

The erasure hero was in no mood to put up with you dancing around the topic at hand anymore. He brought you here to find out what the fuck was going on with you and he’d be damned if you just denied them that truth any longer. Hizashi had no complaints―maybe wincing at his partner’s harshness a little, but otherwise was in it just as much as him.

The blond could bring the tension down a little though, mostly for your sake. “Are ya not gettin’ enough sleep? Shou’ knows a pretty good doctor that helps with that kinda thing if that’s the problem. We just wanna make sure you’re being safe is all, sunshine.”

Really? Because this feels more like an interrogation than a friendly discussion over your habits.

Perhaps it would be better to just cut your losses and tell them. You didn’t want to, if they deemed fit they could be the reason you lose your job. Your boss didn’t know that you used your quirk―nobody did. It was how you stayed ahead of everyone else. Technically it was like cheating, having such a big advantage over your coworkers in your line of work. But where was the harm? You were making people happy, there’s nothing wrong with that.

But just like before you left your apartment to be accompanied to their house, your mind decided it was a perfectly fine and healthy idea to come up with countless ‘what ifs.’ One of which included the possibility that yes, you would be fired for this small transgression. Even though it was unlikely, it still plagued your mind with dread. The shop was where you got validation―a place where you knew you were doing something right. You didn’t want it taken away from you.

But you had to tell them. They were waiting. There was no way out of this.

“M-my quirk…”

How were you supposed to explain this?

“What about your quirk?” Shouta was not giving you any room to weasel your way out of this.

Your eyes remained trained on the abandoned dinner in front of you. “I use it...at work, sometimes. It just makes me a little tired I guess.”

The erasure hero didn’t give his counterpart the chance to ruin the moment, knowing you were susceptible to revealing more information with another push. “Only sometimes?”

God, it felt like you were being shamed for what you did.

“A lot...I use it a lot.” Admitting it felt hard even though you were more than aware of your behaviour. It was their reaction that made the task so difficult.

“What’s your quirk, sweetheart?”

You looked at your hands―the tools that made the fruits of your labour possible. “I...um―it’s called Nurture. I can sort of...put life back into plants? It just makes them healthier, but doing it puts strain on my body. Makes me a bit sleepy, but it isn’t usually that bad…”

Shouta gave a quiet hum in response before continuing, sitting up in his chair a bit. “Well―I wouldn’t call that a bit. No point in trying to downplay it now, just be honest.”

It was probably supposed to sound lightly encouraging, but he sounded more like he was making a demand.

A demand in which you had no choice but to meet.

“Okay...it can be a little much sometimes. B-but Friday was the exception, I had to use it a lot the night before so...the exhaustion just caught up with me.” You left out the part where the emotional response from being cornered was likely a bigger problem than the sorry state your general physique was in.

Hizashi sighed, and it would appear that the two were relieved to finally get the explanation they were looking for. You however were not in the same state. You were vulnerable, and inwardly you prayed they would leave well enough alone.

The erasure hero took a sip of his drink, and you caught the men exchanging glances before the blond spoke up. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

You didn’t respond. Just kept staring at your hands.

“What you’re doing isn’t illegal or anything, but it’s still not something you should be doing. I’m sure you know what could happen to your career if this kind of information got out.”

At that your eyes shot up, looking desperately in Shouta’s direction. “Please don’t tell my boss. He doesn’t know, and I’m not hurting anyone by using it. Please just―I don’t know what I’d do without my job.” You glanced back to Hizashi, looking like your words were hurting him as well.

“I don’t know (y/n), you’re not exactly being responsible with your quirk. Just because you’re not hurting anyone else doesn’t mean it’s safe to disregard your own health.” Shouta must enjoy judging you when you were at your lowest, seeing as he tended to do it an awful lot.

Just when you thought this night couldn’t get any worse, it did. It got so much worse.

You weren’t able to form a rebuttal, but it didn’t matter when Hizashi beat you to it. “Listen, we don’t want to do that songbird, honestly. How ‘bout we make another deal instead…”

What in god’s name could they want from you.

“W-what kind of deal?” How you wished they’d just let you walk free, unburdened by their presence like you planned on before coming here. It’s like they wanted to watch you squirm uncomfortably with anticipation.

Finally the blond continued. “Simple. Ya try not to use your quirk as much and we don’t tell management!”

Shouta added his take, “And you have to keep coming over for dinner so we can make sure you’re holding up your end. It’s a fair proposition. Take it or leave it.”

It was unbelievable. Of course you didn’t want to comply―they were blackmailing you for christ’s sake. But one problem did stand out, “What are you guys getting out of this? I―I’m just not quite sure I understand.”

The erasure hero sighed, “Call it peace of mind―lets us know you're not on the verge of death while enjoying your company at the same time.”

Clearly they couldn’t see how much you weren’t enjoying their company. Or maybe they did and simply didn’t care. How they thought this was a fair deal was beyond you, and it didn’t exactly matter either way.

You didn’t want to admit it―to agree to their ‘deal,’ but you had no choice. They’d effectively cornered you. At this point you could only hope they would get bored enough of your presence to eventually call it off. You wouldn’t be able to stop using your quirk, it would break your heart not to. You got so much out of using it―emotionally at least.

They might not know if you were lying now if you agreed to it, but having to see them again wouldn’t be good news. Was it that obvious what your quirk did to your health? Honestly speaking, you’d never really evaluated whether or not you looked worse for wear. All this time you just acted without thinking of the effects. Perhaps there was physical evidence―but it was something you would have to evaluate later.

Not that you personally cared whether or not you actually looked tired. There was always makeup for that if you were feeling self-conscious. Mostly, you needed to see what you had to do to fool them into thinking you were complying.

At least they were patient when it came to this response, and eventually you did manage to give one. With great reluctance, you spoke. “I guess...if that’s what you want. But I―”

“Then it’s settled! We can keep meetin’ up like this every Saturday from now on!” Hizashi was positively beaming at the prospect, you however were not as excited.

Every fucking Saturday?

The thought of having to experience the same god awful stress made your heart sink. They should be sick of seeing your face by now. All you’ve done for them was place an immense burden, both on their wallets and apparently their minds as well. It didn’t matter if they were worried about you―they would have to get over it.

You would play along for now, mostly for the sake of your sanity.

It was simple. You just had to convince them that you were keeping up your end of the deal. It wasn’t impossible. You would be fine.

Shouta stood up from his chair, muttering an “Alright, then” as he did so. You watched almost helplessly as he began gathering the bowls and glasses off the table, stacking them in a neat pile.

You would've offered to help, but they’d already taken enough from you tonight. Realistically, you doubted it was even possible to form a coherent sentence. Your mind was too muddled with what was currently an inescapable despair, alongside of a slowly kindling detestment for the two men.

The audacity they held to put you in such a position would be impressive if it weren’t also mildly disturbing at the same time. For heroes, they seemed wildly unaware of how oppressive their behaviour was.

For the time being you were under their every whim and command. It wasn’t ideal, but it was something you would have to put up with.

Just enough for them to see you were okay. That you were capable of functioning even when your quirk posed certain unpleasant obstacles.

And in your mind of calculating escapes, you just barely registered that the two had gone back to their discussion of life events that you’d never come close to relating to. Hizashi still being the more dominant, relaxed as his partner cleaned the dining table.

The clock ticking away on the wall read 5:57 pm. You wondered how much longer they’d keep you here, seeing as they never made a point to ask you what you were comfortable with anyways―probably planning on doing the same with when they thought you should be free to go for the night.

End of Part 5

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taglist: @roseloverofpastels @shinsous-eye-bags @tjhonoluluprezstitch626 @pekusofixus @riarora @glitterypinkkitty @elektraeriseros @hadesnewpersephone @axolotleyeliner

[tngrace]

“Are you fucking insane!?” For the prompts please! I loved your last work!! 💕

Awww thank you nonnie! I've enjoyed getting back into writing so im glad people are enjoying it. 🤗 this fic is inspired by this 911 scene with Athena when she's trying to get back into the dating scene. I was rolling with tears of laughter during it and I could just see it happening to Tarlos so I decided to write it. However I'm editing the scene to make it fit Tarlos and the situation; I don't think in the concept art, Carlos has a headboard but for this one shot pretend he does. Thank you for the ask nonnie & thank you @moviegeek03 for helping me figure out who they would call, how this scene could work, and all your support it means the world ❤ also thanks to my girls @toews-a-peek & @justkillingtimewhileiwait our little memory lane conversation today helped put me in the right mindset for this 😉😏🔥 🤣

Send me prompts from this list

Completed prompts- links to a masterlist for this little series. Everything requested is already listed and I will add links to it as I post them.

Carlos and TK had been out to the club with Paul. They were decompressing from the week like they usually did at least every couple of weeks depending on how their shifts lined up. Carlos had had his one beer minimum, and Paul was well on his way to a good time.

Ever since he and TK had been together, Carlos kept himself at one beer out of respect for his boyfriend. TK had told him it didn't bother him, but Carlos still wouldn't drink more. He didn't need to drink with TK, always feeling love drunk any time his boyfriend was close.

They'd been dancing and having a good time, the club scene allowing them to be as close and as handsy as they wanted. The energy was high, the music flowing through them;TK was currently grinding all over Carlos, hands everywhere, but Carlos was no better; the alcohol making him free with his hands and lips. Since he quit drinking as much, one beer does more to him than it shoud. His hands gripped TK's hips helping keep him steady as his lips stayed attached to TK's neck either whispering words of promise for later or placing kisses in all of TK's sensitive spots.

It doesn't take many more well placed kisses or promises of giving TK everything he wants, before TK is finding Paul and telling him they're heading out. He passes TK his keys, ever the responsible one even if it was one beer hours ago, as they head out. Carlos's hands wander the whole time TK's driving from his thigh up to TK's hips and crotch and back until TK is going crazy.

"Carlos I swear to God if you don't quit I'm gonna use your handcuffs and cuff your hands," TK whines as he's stopped at a red light. "We're almost home," he says with a smirk sent Carlos's way.

"You started it," Carlos pouts reminding TK how hard he'd made him inside the club. Carlos was just trying to return the teasing favor.

"I know. Just let me get us home so I don't wreck your other baby," he teases as he gives Carlos a quick kiss before he finishes driving them home.

Carlos rolls his eyes affectionately at TK but he does keep his hand still on TK's thigh as TK keeps driving. Once home, lips attack lips once more as they're trying to unlock the front door to stumble through.

Carlos manages to get the door unlocked and then he's spinning TK into the wall beside the TV as he kisses him senseless. TK is just as enthusiastic, pushing his hips into Carlos's, making breathy sighs and moans of pleasure encouraging Carlos not to stop.

"Were you serious about the cuffs?" Carlos murmurs in between kisses as TK flips them so Carlos is against the wall. His mind had been playing TK's threat on loop, and it slipped out before he could think it through. At TK's lust blown wide eyed nod, Carlos can't help but growl and lift TK into his arms, carrying him up the stairs to their bedroom.

He knows how much TK likes it when Carlos let's his dominate side out, and he's proved true as TK attacks his neck; Carlos is almost positive he's leaving a hickey, as TK let's out little whines and moans of pleasure. He drops TK on the bed and quickly strips as TK does the same, doing his best to wiggle out of his skin tight jeans.

Carlos gets his cuffs out of his utility belt that's hanging on the closet door as TK gets lube and a condom out. Carlos tosses the cuffs down beside him as he climbs over TK, pinning him down and kissing him senseless.

TK moans and withers under him as Carlos keeps kissing all over him, but TK takes him by surprise and flips them around so he's on top. He gives Carlos a shit eating grin as he pulls back so they can catch their breaths. "Let me see your hand Officer," TK says reaching for Carlos's wrist.

Carlos chuckles as TK takes his wrist to handcuff to the headboard. TK was too busy trying to kiss Carlos while cuffing him that he wasn't paying attention and ended up cuffing himself as well. "Oh shit," he murmurs as he realizes what's happened.

"What? What's wrong?" Carlos asks finally looking up at his boyfriend. His eyes go to where TK's hand is still next to his and the cuff is securely around his wrist.

"Ty," he whines face palming with his free hand.

"I'm sorry. Your lips are distracting," TK accuses as he readjust his straddle on Carlos. "Please tell me you got the key," he all but begs, each word making Carlos's eyes wider.

"Dios mio," Carlos groans his hand running down his face once more.

"Carlos," TK whines as the reality of the situation dawns on them.

"You weren't supposed to be cuff too," he huffs. "You should've been able to easily get it."

TK hands his head resting it on his arm that is now cuffed to the headboard too. "Fuck what are we gonna do?" TK asks Carlos.

Carlos is racking his brain, but there is no way either of them are going to be able to reach his belt for the key. "We're gonna have to call someone," Carlos whispers in dread.

"We could call 911," TK starts before shaking his head no. "Or Michelle. She has key to your place."

"Are you fucking insane?" Carlos asks with wild eyes. "No. No. No. We're not calling either of those. We'd never hear the end of it Tyler. And besides if we call 911 and get Grace what are you gonna do when she tells Judd?"

He watches as TK's eyes get wide. "You're right both of those are bad options. Fuck," he groans trying to rattle the cuffs to see if his would give.

"What about.... what about Paul?" Carlos asks. "He'd keep our secret wouldn't he?"

TK thinks it over for a minute before nodding. "Yea... we could do that." He starts looking for either of their phones and realizes they're both too far away. "Fuck we're gonna have to use siri," TK groans.

Carlos has the calmest most authoritative voice of the two of them. So he calls for siri to call Paul on speaker and he just prays he picks up. Just when he thinks it's going to voice-mail Paul answers. Carlos asks him if he could come over and do them a big favor, and when Paul agrees, Carlos let's out a sigh of relief and tells him the front door should be open.

While they wait, they cover up better but continue making out and leaving hickeys on each other. If it wasn't for Carlos's good ear they never would've heard Paul come in. Carlos hears him call out and Carlos wiggles his way to sitting with TK in his lap, TK's back to the bedroom door and the covers pulled up all around him. "Bedroom," Carlos calls back already feeling his face so red before Paul even gets there.

The bedroom door just barely creaks open and TK turns his head to look at their best friend. "Yall know I'm straight right?" Paul reminds them with a hesitant look as TK starts laughing and Carlos turns redder.

"Yes you dork," TK says holding up his wrist which in turn shows off Carlos's. "I accidently cuffed myself too and now we can't get the key. So would you be so kind as to get the key out of the belt hanging there on the closet and then leave," TK asks like the brat he is making Carlos groan.

Paul stares at them like they've lost their minds before he starts laughing. "Wow... yall need this key?" He asks pulling it out of the utility belt.

"Yes please," TK says. He'd hold his hand out for it, but he can't. Paul moves to unlock the cuff, but TK stops him. "Just the key. I'll get that later." Carlos isn't sure how he can keep turning redder but his face is on fire and he's gonna kill TK he thinks.

"Oh... oh... I see. Ok. Here," Paul says dropping the key within reach. "You two don't hurt yourselves. Don't need yall calling 911 like this," he laughs as he heads back for the bedroom door.

"Keep this between us?" Carlos finally finds his voice to call out before Paul is gone.

"Yea.. oh yea. Ain't nobody need to know about this," he laughs phone in hand as he heads out the door.

Carlos is cussing in Spanish as TK laughs and resumes kissing all over him. It is some of the hottest sex of their lives, but they don't live it down from their friends for a solid two weeks.

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

Alright kiddos, it is time for! The last chapter of the opening arcs / battle trial! Wherein we continue Katsuki's mental breakdown! <3

I’m considering doing some kind of end-of-arc(s) summary / personal thoughts thing after this as a way of sort of compiling my thoughts on the story as a whole so far, as well as just being open to answering your general ideas and open questions / suggestions about the story and characters and whatnot so far (and I guess to come?) So have at it, I want to know what you all think about these first eleven chapters as an introduction to the series / characters / plot / whatnot.

[No. 11 - Bakugou’s Starting Line]

That is… a lot less damage than I thought there was. Like, it still looks pretty bad, but not to the point of ‘it’s going to collapse if someone breathes funny’ bad like I was thinking before. The active explosion of the panels before this probably added to that impression. Also, the building is a LOT smaller than I thought it was?

And speaking of Katsuki’s mental breakdown! He’s just standing there in complete shock while Tenya is comforting a vomiting Ochako, and Izuku is passed out on the floor. Someone points out that the losing team is almost unscathed while the winners are down for the count - they lost the battle but won the war, so to speak. Tsuyu points out that it’s just training though.

(to the tune of ‘Final Countdown’) It’s a mental breakdown~ (kazoo solo)

But in full seriousness, this is the first true moment we see of his worldview being smashed open. Like, he was definitely shaken with Izuku’s actions back with the sludge villain, but Katsuki was just more quiet and sullen. Here? Here he’s just had one of the pillars he built his entire mindset around - that Izuku was weaker than him - torn down as violently as the wall he blasted open. He is not okay with this. He’s sweating, he’s shaking, he’s probably about five seconds from collapsing to his knees and screaming. 

Fortunately, he’s mostly knocked out of his own head by All Might showing up and placing a hand on his shoulder, telling him to head back so he can get graded. Katsuki doesn’t really seem to be listening as All Might goes on about how whether one wins or loses, they can come out ahead by learning from the experience - instead he’s watching as Izuku is taken away on a stretcher by two transpo-bots to the nurse’s office. 

In the monitor room, All Might announces that the VIP of the battle was Tenya, much to said boy’s surprise. Katsuki is looking pretty gloomy and stuck in his head, while Ochako is still struggling with the lingering nausea. Tsuyu asks why the VIP isn’t one of the hero team who won, and All Might asks the class if any if them can guess at his reasoning. 

Momo raises her had and says she does, and then explains that Tenya had best adapted to the scenario. Katsuki’s actions were motivated by a personal grudge, and his use of destructive attacks indoors was foolish. Izuku’s performance suffered from the same faults. And Ochako lost focus halfway through and her final attack was haphazard - if the weapon had been real, the attack would be unthinkable. Tenya, on the other hand, formed an actual counterstrategy, and thought about what the struggle would be like. His only fault was being too slow to react at the end, and the hero team only won because it was a training exercise with exploitable restraints. 

Tenya is touched. Meanwhile, the rest of the class is stunned silent, with All Might shaking because she said it better than he could. He hesitantly adds that Tenya was a bit too stiff, but otherwise she was correct. She huffs and says that they need to start at the bottom and work up - if they don’t cheer each other on, they won’t even become top heroes. Her name is also introduced here, as well as the fact that she’s the number one recommended first year.

How’s Katsuki doing?

Eh… we’ll come back to you in a bit. For now, the other battle trials! Shouto and Shouji (hero team) versus Ojiro and Hagakure (villain team), in a new location. The heroes are both quiet, while Hagakure is getting hyped up and taking off her gloves and boots to go full stealth mode. Ojiro is a bit flustered at that, thinking that it makes sense for someone invisible, but that it feels unethical.

(Which is, I’m guessing, that comment that her ‘hero costume’ is being buck naked, which honestly, I refuse to believe. If the support companies can make a costume for someone who goes impermeable (which, by its own definition, would mean light goes through as well, ergo ‘invisibility’), then she can get one as well. I think she’s just a troll who says the costume is nothing to fluster others - I mean, considering she does like hidden camera shows, and they tend to do those weird stuff to surprise or discomfort people, it would fit in line with her character.)

Anyways, when the hero team is sent in, Shouji is listening in just inside the building with several arm-ears, right before they shift into really concerning-looking mouths to relay information. Shouji tells his partner that one is on the north side of the fourth floor, while the other is on the same floor barefoot - clearly, the invisible one is trying to ambush and capture them. Shouji also gets a title card and an explanation of his quirk, Dupli-arms: he can replicate his own body parts at the tips of his tentacles!

Shouto warns Shouji to get out, since it’s about to ‘get frosty in here’. Their opponents think they’re playing a defensive game, but it means nothing to him. He then proceeds to show off just what he means by ‘frosty’.

Yeah, that’s a bit OP there. Poor Ojiro - and definitely poor Hagakure, who got frozen to the floor with bare feet. Shouto walks in and says to bring it on, but that fighting without the soles of their feet will be painful. All Might and Kirishima are shivering in the monitor room from the cold, with All Might noting that neither Shouto’s ally nor the weapon were harmed when he immobilized the enemy; Kirishima says that he’s too strong. 

Hagakure’s hurting where she’s frozen, and Ojiro is freaked out and not even trying to break out as Shouto walks past and puts his left hand of the weapon, giving his team the win. Shouto apologizes to them as the ice steams away, Ojiro shocked to see how quickly the building is warming up. As Shouto finishes melting the ice, he declares that they are in different leagues - and we get his title card!

Number two recommended first year, quirk Half-Hot, Half-Cold (which I think is supposed to have some greater pun or sound better in Japanese? [Hanrei Hannen] I suppose does roll a bit better, but hmmm…) His right side can freeze things and his left can burn. His range and limits are unknown - what a beast! 

(Katsuki, meanwhile, is biting his lip to keep himself from saying anything - likely another blow to his preconceived belief that he was the strongest right while he’s trying to come back from the last one.)

We get a brief summary of what the other teams did: Sero and Kirishima played villains and defended with Sero’s tape as traps around the room. Tsuyu went along the walls while Tokoyami had his quirk primed to attack. Jirou scouted with her quirk while Kaminari kept a charge prepped in his hand, and Mina threw a ot of acid around, a bit of which burned Aoyama’s cape. 

We transition to the end of the class, with All Might telling everyone well done, and that besides Izuku, there were no serious injuries. He complements their teamwork and says they all did splendidly, considering it was their first exercise. Someone in the class mentions that after Aizawa, a straightforward class that that was almost a letdown. All Might walks away, saying that the teachers are free to have no-nonsense classes if they like, and that he’s off to give Izuku his evaluation, letting them know to get changed out of their costumes and head back to the classroom before he runs off in a hurry. Mineta notes he seems to be in a hurry, but that he’s also so cool.

All Might glances back, seeing Katsuki in the back of the class still in a gloomy state. He thinks about how Katsuki is ‘a bundle of conceit’ and how the most inflated egos are often the most fragile. As a teacher, he needs to give the boy some counseling, but for now, he has to save on his time, due to only having enough strength to get through a single class.

Which, considering All Might’s limit before USJ is three hours, seems a bit weird, so let’s do some math.

The villain teams have five minutes to set up, and the heroes have fifteen to get to the bomb after that - twenty minutes. With five rounds, that’s an even hundred minutes for the exercises, not counting those that ended early. With all the time saved from Shouto’s instant take out and assuming average times for the others, we probably have more like eighty minutes spent on those exercises. Of course, we can then add time for getting to and from the buildings, as well as the assessments of each match and determination of the VIP. So that can probably bumped back up to 100 minutes, maybe closer to 110? Which would just fit within the bounds of a double-class period for Japanese schools (which are fifty minute classes with ten minute breaks in between). 

Japanese classes have four periods before lunch and three after. The ‘canon’ schedule has heroics lessons happen THROUGH lunch period, which makes no sense when they need that energy in order to be able to fight. I am also skeptical of fighting right after lunch, when that makes it more likely for them to throw up if they take a bad hit, ergo, the reasonable time period for these lessons is the last two periods of the day - thus giving the kids about an hour for food to digest and energy to get into their systems.

I think this is also added onto with how Izuku doesn’t freak out after this over missing a class, which makes sense if it was the last one. Plus, well, scheduling the most exhausting and injury-prone class at the end of the day means that anyone who needs to rest a while actually can without missing important things - and that the kids won’t be too tired to pay attention to whichever teachers they would otherwise have afterwards.

...right, my original point. All Might is supposed to have three hours, but gets stressed out after using just two hours here. I can get that maybe it’s three hours total, but holding it for two continuously without chances to ‘unflex’ and rest for a bit might be straining on him still? Or maybe he just spent some time that morning doing hero things and so ran out of time a bit early. 

Anyways, I think I’ll end this off here, since it’s about halfway and we did get through quite a bit. Next time, we finish off the opening arcs of the series, and then I guess I do some Q&A / personal thoughts so far / narrative analysis / whatever? I guess send in questions or thoughts or whatever you guys have, and I’ll answer them after the next post. 

[midnightactual]

As a child, before she acquired a zanpakuto, did she have an idea or fantasy of what she wanted her abilities to look like? Was she consequently excited or disappointing with the reality of how her soul manifested its power? (if she had one more or less since as long as she can remember, can you talk a little bit about the Shihoin's traditions in training their heirs and the logic or superstition behind it?)

I’m going to take the scenic route in answering this one, so you’ll have to bear with me. I’ve been (probably rather obviously) watching Cobra Kai lately (into season 3 now) and although there are lots of things to recommend it, two things that I think are very interesting about it (and that apply to this question) are the themes of generational trauma and incomplete philosophies of life. The first—the mistakes and overcorrections of one generation transferring to the next—is pretty self evident, but the second bears some more scrutiny.

Cobra Kai, the dōjō, has a simple set of three rules: “Strike first. Strike hard. No mercy.” Meanwhile, Miyagi-Do, the dōjō, has just one ethos: “First learn balance. Balance good, karate good, everything good.” A thing that I think the show strives to communicate without constantly shoving it in the viewer’s face is that both are right, actually. They’re just incomplete. Both are inflexible. Cobra Kai’s logic has ruthlessness when it counts, but lacks balance and predictably always overcommits. Miyagi-Do’s logic has balance, but lacks the ability to commit and engage decisively. Both are unsustainable. And the problem with Cobra Kai’s ethos in particular is that it can’t be readily grasped by teenagers, because it takes wisdom and experience to see its failings. (Meanwhile, Miyagi-Do’s ethos can cultivate wisdom, but it can become a trap that prevents thinking outside the box it creates.) Johnny Lawrence eventually figures this out from the Cobra Kai end through a long series of painful missteps, and sums it up with:

“This creed on the wall... follow it to the letter, it'll make you strong. It’ll make you formidable. It will also make you an asshole. ’Cause that’s just black paint on a white wall. But life’s not black and white. More often than not, it’s gray. And it’s in those gray areas where Johnny Lawrence’s Cobra Kai... sometimes shows mercy.”

So, what does all that have to do with Yoruichi? Well, my conception of the Shihōin Clan, even before I ever saw that show, is that it possessed a mindset a lot like Cobra Kai. (At the time I started here, I imagined her home life as a child as being like a more watered down version of what Azula and Zuko endured under Ozai and Ursa in Avatar: The Last Airbender, with Yoruichi’s father being ultimately rather less of an asshole than Ozai and reforming, and that still fits and correlates quite well to my current thinking, but Cobra Kai makes for a more apt comparison.)

The Shihōin are not only the masters of the martial arts within Soul Society’s nobility, but of combat, conflict, and war as a whole. That is, in a sense, their “purpose”. They’re warriors, right down to their genes, because they not only train for combat (in a grueling and regimented way from childhood, a la the SPARTAN-II program in Halo, or the one shown in Soldier) but they historically bred for it too. (And to some extent, still do, with reiatsu output and quality having been a major element of mate selection as recently as with Yoruichi’s parents, and with even Yoruichi herself sort of subconsciously looking down on the possibility of meaningful long-term intimate relationships with notably weaker partners.)

Anyway, the ultimate traditional end-product of this was Yoruichi, and she reflects the pathologies of the process as much as she does its culmination. (Her decisive defeat of her relatives in Agni Kai to become Clan Head was the ultimate proof of her superior ability and pedigree within this system.) There’s some indication (from Yoruichi herself) that Yūshirō might have an even easier time of achieving power than her, but I view him as a product of a newer, different, and superior process. (Basically: Yoruichi broke the old one, and Yūshirō’s far more playful attitude is a product of a different childhood environment after Yōsuke chilled the fuck out and stopped trying to be Kreese/Ozai; play is really how mammals learn best, after all. Someone like Yūno, @ice-cold-shihoin’s middle sibling OC, is to my mind a sort of intermediary step in this transitional process.)

In other words, Yoruichi was raised to be a complete badass. The total package. The perfect soldier. The ultimate weapon. Not just battlefield superiority, but battlefield supremacy. Strike first. Strike hard. No mercy. And so to finally come back to your actual question, she dreamed of a zanpakutō that’d help her be exactly that: a badass. I don’t think she was really too focused on the nature of how that worked, exactly, so long as it did.

The trouble is: she got it. She joined the Onmitsukidō at 100, manifested her asauchi into a zanpakutō (Kurayami) before she was 101, had her Shikai before she was 103, it became a(n actual) permanent-release type by the time she was 145, and she achieved Bankai at 152. Kurayami’s Shikai form seems rather plain and boring compared to many—unless she so chooses, the sword cannot be perceived except when its edge or point is penetrating a target, and then only visually—but that belies a simple point: it exists purely to kill. Not to duel, not to pacify, not to disarm... to kill, and with the first strike. It’s a blade purely for assassination. And this is even more true of her Bankai, Kurayami Kara Umareta Daikokutennyo, which exists for mass destruction and slaughter. She got exactly what she always dreamed of, and it completely horrified her.

Even by the time she got her Bankai, she had some inkling of what Johnny’s trying to communicate in the earlier quote. She knew that her zanpakutō was inflexible, its use was unsustainable, and that leaning into it too heavily and becoming habituated to it would make her a murderous asshole. (Think like Unohana Yachiru, but even more so, because using Kurayami doesn’t foster any sort of sense of good sportsmanship.) The reason for that is obvious: when all you have is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail. It didn’t help that Kurayami, the zanpakutō spirit, was (and has always been) a kind of dark Azula-like mirror of Yoruichi herself, Yoruichi-As-She-Might-Have-Been had she not met Kaien. (Kind of like Ichigo and “Shirosaki” Zangetsu, but not nearly so extreme or directly comparable as Yoruichi has obviously [?] had no Hollowfication exposure.)

And so, just as Yoruichi had already blatantly rejected her father’s initial efforts to raise her like a boy by radically asserting her femininity, and just as she had tacitly rejected the Shihōin Clan’s focus on total efficiency by becoming far more sociable and using social engineering as much as combat ability, so too did she reject her zanpakutō by developing Shunkō.

It’s only in the present, with the aid of (bitter) wisdom and experience, that she’s gone back to it to not only try use it, but to bend it to her will rather than being afraid of it bending her to its. (To carry on with my theme here, this is actually kinda like adult Johnny going back to try and redeem the Cobra Kai dōjō of his youth and turn it into something more positive.)

Shorter answer: she wanted a badass zanpakutō, and she got rather more than she bargained for in the process. (With all that that says about the base nature of her soul and id, for lack of a better term.)

[violetlunette]

All Might and Bakugou Rant Chapter 8-11

Okay, before I start this rant I want to say that I LOVE All Might; he is a sweet sunflower man and I love him! He is in my top 3 favorite BNHA/MHA characters. HOWEVER, just because I love and adore him doesn’t mean I’m not going to get upset when his actions, or in actions in this case, potentially cause serious harm!

As for Bakugou--I like him when I’m not forced to like him if that makes sense? He has a lot of good qualities and I love that he has a unique backstory for rivals. There’s no angsty reason for his assholeness he’s just a brat who got a big head from being praised all the time and for actually being talented. I really want to see him grow which is why I get super angry when the story ruins his potential growth moments.

The rest of my thoughts I’m saving for a future post.

For those who are confused, I started a post series where I’ve been collecting every image I can find to explore Izuku and Bakugou’s relationship because it’s a big thing in the BNHA/MHA community and I wanted to judge myself. This rant is about Chapters 8-11 and how All Might handles things. Spoilers ahead! I should also warn that this is also very, very Bakugou critical as we are dealing with early gremlin Bakugou who goes overboard with Boom-boom. Also this is a rant, so things might not be very coherent and may repeat.

Oh and this is a LONG rant so I wouldn’t open on tumblr search. New tab suggested.

And finally; no beta reader. We die like dumbasses. Enjoy if you like rants.

The set up;

So here’s the stage; Bakugou vs Izuku. All Might tells Bakugou to adapt a villain mindset, and BOY

DOES

HE

EVER

Because of Bakugou’s temper he unleashes an explosion that both he and All Might admit could kill Izuku. Not just injure or maim, but KILL. And this wasn’t a small attack ether;

Look at this;

A large chunk of the building was taken out and the structure on the rest was damaged and cracked. I don’t think the building will collapse, but I’m not an architect and this is still serious damage.

And in this test run the area is supposed to be a nuclear plant. I’m not going to say too much considering Japan’s history with nuclear stuff, but I will say that if this was a real run Japan would be in serious trouble all because “King Explosion Murder” is having a hissy fit!

But this is a test, so I’m just going to focus on the fact that Bakugou used a literal killing move on Izuku and All Might did nothing!

Remember this part? “I will stop you if you take things too far?”

How

is

THIS

NOT TOO FAR?!

Is it just me here? I get we’re dealing with some value dissonance /blue and orange mentality as this world isn’t like ours, but come on!

YES!! Listen to Kirishima, the only one in the whole class that seems to care about the potential death of a classmate!

Even if Bakugou wasn’t intending to kill, he was going in to severely injure and maim Izuku. And what if Izuku tried to dodge the wrong way and it was a direct hit? What then? The only reason Izuku’s blood isn’t everywhere is because in anime world people are durable as fuck.

Isn’t it their job to teach these kids not to use moves that could kill someone, or at least be responsible and not use said moves on classmates during a training course?

Yes! You should!

Okay, to be fair to All Might it’s clearly stated by everyone around him that while All Might is smart and knows how to hero he doesn’t know how to teach very well at this point, though he does improve later on. And I do understand his thinking; if Izuku told him about the bullying then this is Izuku’s chance to get back a little at Bakugou and show him what he’s made of. That’s what he’s thinking here;

Yeah, that’s one way to describe it.

It’s also shown very clearly that Izuku wants this fight, to finally be able to challenge Bakugou on equal ground for once in his life.

I also understand that the UA teachers are getting these kids ready to fight real villains, so they are pretty lax on things to help them. That’s why I give Aizawa a lot of slack with his teaching methods.

And All Might does warn Bakugou not to do it again;

Also calm? Petty? Really? THAT’S what you see? Yeah, he’s “calm” and thinking clearly (which makes everything worse, btw), but “petty?” The word is genocidal, All Might. Bakugou does use the attack again! RIGHT ON IZUKU’S FACE.

Even if this was a different attack, how is this not too far? Okay, I guess Izuku blocked it as we see below;

But Bakugou didn’t know he would block and look at Izuku’s eye; did that attack do eye damage?

And what really irritates me is that All Might wasn’t going to do shit until he saw that Izuku was going to use OFA.

So, explosion fist that took out part of a building was fine, but using OFA that’s just too far!

Kirishima has to plead with All Might to stop things before he starts to give in. (And seriously? WHY IS HE THE ONLY ONE?! Does no one else care??)

But I’m not even that mad that he allowed the fight to continue. I wanted Izuku to have a chance to prove himself and beat Bakugou’s ass (he deserves it here. FIGHT ME). I also like that with Izuku’s hard earned victory Bakugou is momentarily humbled.

I agree that for both Izuku and Bakugou this fight needed to happen (but only if Izuku won). Bakugou needed this moment for character development.

He really needed this.

No, what I’m mad about is that BAKUGOU WAS NEVER SCOLDED FOR HIS ACTIONS. Hell, All Might goes the opposite way and tries to comfort Bakugou as we see here;

which okay, maybe he needed a little. He needed to hear these words, but he also needed a major scolding! But he never got that.

Izuku was carried away on a stretcher and severely damage, but does he care? No! What does he care about? Bakugou’s fragile ego!

Yeah, I know Izuku’s body is broken, but poor Bakubabe’s not feeling very confident. SERIOUSLY ALL MIGHT?!!

Why is this a big deal? Why am I so mad? Same reason why I was mad at the other teachers. By not telling Bakugou what he did was wrong and making him listen he did what every. Single. Damn. Teacher. Has done so far; taught him there was nothing wrong with his actions; it was okay that he unleashed an attack that could KILL on someone, especially on Izuku. There wasn’t anything wrong with it. Because no one ever tries to correct Bakugou he keeps acting this way, losing his temper and hurting people, mostly Izuku. And it doesn’t just hurt Bakugou, the inaction of no one ever scolding Bakugou teaches Izuku that it’s okay for him to get hurt. It’s okay that others hurt him, no big deal. It’s no wonder Izuku is always breaking his bones! Why would he listen to others telling him to to take better care of himself when the world keeps saying that it’s okay for people like Bakugou to hurt him?

There’s also the fact that Izuku was severely hurt here;

These are not comical anime wounds, these are serious, oh shit wounds so bad he has to be carried away on a stretcher.

No. Don’t laugh it off! You are hurting Izuku and Bakugou for reasons I already stated.

Even Recovery Girl tells him that what he did was stupid!

See what a good scolding can do? All Might made a mistake and he’s being called out on it.

An ego trip does not make this okay. Just like All Might needed to be told that his actions were wrong, so does Bakugou. Hell, Bakugou needs it even more!

I love RG. If she was there I’m willing to bet Bakugou would have gotten at least a time out. She’s the best teacher. She knows when to be kind, when to bee strict, and when someone needs to be called out. LEARN FROM HER All Might!

Bakugou’s quirk is EXPLOSIONS. It’s just as dangerous as Thirteen’s Black hole, or Shigaraki’s dissolve quirk and just as deadly! He needs to be taught to understand that along with controlling his temper especially because he’s going to be a hero, but he’s not going to learn if his ego is always babied and never faces consequences. I’m not asking for All Might to turn Bakugou over his knee or anything, just to tell Bakugou that what he did was wrong. Especially since he’ll be dealing with civilians in the future.

But no, instead of focusing on the fact Bakugou needs to control his temper All Might decides he needs to nurse Bakugou’s ego. I highly disagree because in addition to everything I stated above. Bakugou’s case a little ego bruising might teach him some humility which he SORELY NEEDS. He needs love and care, but when he does something dangerous and deadly, he needs a kick in the pants or at LEAST a strong NO, DON’T DO THAT.

How is he going to learn otherwise? Seriously, does anyone ever scold Bakugou for his temper? His ego is always called out, but what about his temper?

Again, I adore All Might. He is a great hero and he gets better, but I wish he bought that teacher’s hand book before his first class.

Rant finally over, I swear I didn’t intend for it to be this long, but oh well.

[nileqt87]

Despair For Castiel: A Review

From a series of posts before and after watching:

Before:

As far as I'm concerned, I'm now imagining the Empty having to deal with Gabriel and Balthazar redecorating the Empty into the angel/demon afterlife (probably with a lot of wacky alternate realities and bad porno) with all the free will angels and redemptive demons invited, Cas finding Meg and eventually Jack again for his true happy ending that he can have and Crowley probably trying to install himself as king again. Then when Rowena finally exits as Queen of Hell, she'll join and Crowley will annoyed, but Gabriel will be happy to see her again. LOL.

Megstielers also got robbed hard with all that setup of Cas still pining for Meg for YEARS, the Empty using her image (not Dean!) to taunt him (the Empty clearly saw Meg in Cas' head when it could have taken the form of anyone, including Cas like last time) and a whole dropped plot thread that Cas made a deal with Ruby to break a demon out of the Empty, which only makes sense with the one and only demon he'd actually want to let out of the Empty. That's dangling one 'ship a whole bunch of carrots (like every single Clarence reference for a decade) to rip the rug out from under them.

I suppose I should've seen it coming when the previously on segment for 15x13 was a Pizza Man and the Babysitter retrospective that shoved Cas out of the Pizza Man role beside Babysitter Nurse Meg to shove Dean into Megstiel's sexy times meme. I guess it turned Cas into just Dean's Baby in a Trench Coat (which was an insult about being useless to Dean's cause without powers, which suggests Cas has no worth to him otherwise), since he got infantilized with the removal of the Pizza Man originally being him.

I still haven't watched the episode. The Tumblr crap is that off-putting.

What should've been an epic moment in Cas' story is now tainted by his love of humanity, found family and free will (his real love story is with all of humanity and finding belonging, in spite of always being on the outside looking in on a life he can't have because he's not human) being reduced to horny girls who just want fetish smut with Dean and don't give a fig about canon Cas outside of a toxic, abusive crack!ship. It's always so immature and vapid!

It was immediately clear when I joined the fandom that shockingly few gave a crap about any character but Dean, even refusing to see what he's become in later seasons. Also numerous examples where they admit having not seen the show in a decade or only knowing the show via manipulative .gif sets. Cas and Sam (if they remember him at all) are just props or prizes to be won. They ignore context of familial/platonic relationships. Canon love interests aren't good enough because they're not the big prize of being a main. I also note the deluge of Wincest girls who hate Cas for existing (he's in their way) in the anti-Destiel tag.

I can't say the .gifs are making me want to watch, even though the dialog is vague enough to still fit Cas' actual character for the general audience who isn't glued to social media.

As for Dean's non-reaction, I had similar problems with Jensen's constipated acting back in 15x03 when Cas finally walked away while Dean looked like he couldn't care less, which the writers coincidentally praised Jensen for (holy crap that interview was up his backside) and completely ignored Misha actually giving a good performance in a scene that actually meant something long coming for Cas. I certainly can't say the same about the quality of this scene, which just looks forced on both ends.

I hope I like the episode more than the sounds of it, but my hopes aren't high. This is not how I wanted Cas' final moments on the show to be.

After:

Well, I got up the stomach to watch it tonight. Thankfully, in context, it definitely got blown way out of proportion by what the Hellers turned it into (as usual). Yeah, even when watching while unfortunately not blind to the wackadoodle fandom discourse, it played out better on screen than the .gifs. And frankly, a whole lot less like creepy Care Bear stare nightmare fuel than the few choice screenshots kept showing (yikes). I still wish Sam and Jack had been there, because they're just as much part of what connected Cas to feeling like part of a family (even more so in the later years), but it's not the total monstrosity it was turned into online.

Average viewers who just take canon as is without trying to read into it what they want to be there instead, IMO, will safely interpret it platonically (even if coming after a particularly hellish few years in Dean's personality rot where the whole friendship was beginning to be questionable) more often than not because that's what the canon has said for a dozen years. Again, I repeat that Cas already told the Winchesters he loved them when he thought he was dying.

It's a crime to have Cas' perfect philia (brotherly), storge (parental) and agape-style (sacrificial and unconditional) loves being immaturely twisted into eros in a way that degrades the whole meaning of the character's journey. People telling each other they love one another when it's not sexual should never be mocked into being afraid to do so because of this insidious, willful misinterpretation. If only somebody had told Cas they love him instead of him always being the one with his heart on his sleeve!

This character went from being tortured into a robotic, emotionless, ancient, not-remotely-humanoid being who couldn't relate to the simplest of human needs to being someone deeply in love with humanity and wanting to find belonging amongst it despite knowing it would always end with him watching them all grow old and die after having families and such experiences angels are forbidden from having (another reason why Jack was so important to Cas' story).

The wording is valid for that philia/agape interpretation, given Cas definitely equated Dean (whom Cas watched sacrificing himself for Sam endlessly, including why he had to be raised from perdition in the first place) with a guide role in his learning to understand humanity and proudly-defiant free will before he could love it. It's valid enough to say that Cas wouldn't have broken his programming permanently without being challenged to question everything he'd ever believed and give up his entire angelic belonging. That much of it did begin with Cas just happening to be the angel who succeeded in the Hell rescue.

Obviously, it's also canon that Cas had a long history of not following orders and getting lobotomized by Naomi, but Cas actually understanding humanity and what free will means did happen only after this particular rebellion. I'm very glad at least that was in the speech, but of course, it's being hopelessly ignored.

I stand by my interpretation that what Cas can't have has always been the tragic version of The Little Mermaid where she turns into sea foam in the end. Cas has always looked in on what everyone else takes for granted from the outsider's perspective. There's a part of him that will always be left out, no matter how well he learns to fit in and how much those around him begin to treat him as a real person. Cas never really got to truly belong with humanity, no matter how much he loves and is loved by it. He's also not getting to stay where he wants to be. There's no Pinocchio ending for Cas that turns him into a real Winchester.

Sadly, Dean's constant othering of him and Jack like they're just more monsters to hunt only alienated them more. Jack was someone Cas could relate to as a supernatural being capable of human emotions, which might also have furthered his draw towards Meg. Sam was also someone Cas could relate to as freaks and abominations amongst their own kinds. Sam always had that same struggle, also with his own family. It goes a long way towards explaining why Sam was always so empathetic to Cas and Jack in a way that Dean couldn't be. All three kept conflicting with that black & white humans = good/other = bad mindset that sometimes creeps in with Dean. When Cas was Dean's "best friend" in the early days, he rationalized it by thinking of Cas as being "like" a human ("You used to be human, or at least like one.").

Yet it still remains true that Cas often found himself looking to Dean to teach him about humanity back when he didn't know enough about it to be inconspicuous amongst them. Dean gave him the crash course in both what humanity is willing to do for each other, but also its flaws and failings at the same time.

Perhaps the saddest scenes in the episode were actually Sam watching everyone poof in front of him. Sam has really been forced to watch a lot of death scenes this season all by himself (as with Rowena), but he looked the most broken by Eileen's. Cas is going to be hard on him, because I genuinely think Sam was far closer to him in the end. Sam was the one who actually was trying to reach out to Cas when Dean repeatedly kept him out of the loop. Sam being left out from the final words with Cas or even hearing first-hand about the deal with the Empty just furthers that tragedy. While Dean has been raging at everything in sight, Sam and Cas have both looked broken, sad and tired all season.

[murasaki-murasame]

Since Higurashi Gou’s on break this week, I figure this would be a good excuse to make one big post going over all of my current theories, and also how I feel about the other popular theories in the fandom.

[This will have both Higurashi and Umineko spoilers in it]

On a meta level, my over-arching theory for Gou is that it’s basically a series of forgeries written by Featherine. Basically I think that some time after Matsuribayashi, Rika came into contact with Featherine, shared information about everything to do with Hinamizawa, and she decided to write her own stories based on that info.

Going down this route, I think the Rika we see in Gou [at least on the gameboard level] is basically a distinct fictional construct who more or less branches off from around Tsumihoroboshi or so. Basically I think this version of Rika doesn’t actually know the truth about Takano, or that her friends are starting to remember past timelines, and I also wouldn’t be surprised if whole elements of her backstory have been tweaked to fit the story that Featherine wants to write. I also think that the happy ending timeline she referenced in ep2, and her quoting stuff Keiichi said in the past in Tataridamashi, might instead be about some kind of original arc that’s just meant to trick us into assuming she’s talking about the last few arcs of the VN.

Mostly I just think that with how things have gone thus far, it really doesn’t come across like Rika actually knows about Takano being evil. This could just be a case of clunky writing where they don’t want to spoil it for new fans, so Rika’s being made to act weird and out of character in order to keep it a secret, but stuff like her rant to Keiichi in Watadamashi make me think that she straight up hasn’t been doing anything about Takano in these arcs, and her whole attitude in Tataridamashi of ‘we can change fate by saving Satoko’ while not saying or doing anything about Takano seems really weird if we assume that she remembers everything from the VN. The whole deal with Minagoroshi was that saving Satoko wasn’t actually enough to achieve a happy ending, since Takano ended up killing everyone anyway. So it’d be really weird for Rika to fall into that same mindset again.

And on the note of Takano, like most people I think she’s probably not the villain this time around, one way or another. For one thing it’d just be kinda underwhelming for old fans if they do that again, but I think they just don’t have time to actually do the whole Takano thing in Gou unless we get an entire second season after this. Which could happen, but I’m basing all of my theories on the assumption that Gou will just be 24 episodes, since that’s all that’s been confirmed.

There’s also the fact that the first half of Gou has provided far less evidence to allow new fans to even start piecing together what Takano’s deal would be. We haven’t seen Tomitake’s corpse get found with his throat clawed out, so it’d be pretty difficult for new fans to guess that Takano kills him in each arc. Technically they aren’t even shown to die in any arc in Gou yet, since they just go missing and their bodies are never found, so new fans wouldn’t even know if either or both of them die in any of the arcs. By extension, Watadamashi also didn’t have the whole plot point of ‘the police found Takano’s corpse in the mountains and figured out that it had died before the festival even ended’, which in the VN was a pretty massive hint that she was faking her own death. And since Tataridamashi avoided having Keiichi kill Teppei, while also ending before the festival can even get going, Takano and Tomitake don’t even do anything in that arc at all except show up to support the protests, even though Tatarigoroshi also provided it’s own massive hints toward Takano being suspicious, and her being responsible for Tomitake’s death.

Tatarigoroshi also ended with our first proper look at the GHD, but there was no reference to that happening in Tataridamashi, or any of the other arcs. If anything, it seems pretty intentional that every arc seems to end with a flash-forward to at least a few days after each arc ends, with no reference to the GHD happening. It’s possible everyone was just keeping it a secret from Keiichi at the end of each arc, but each arc has a different person telling him about what happened while he was unconscious, so it seems unlikely that they’re all coincidentally lying to him about the same thing. And in general I think that if the GHD happened in any arc, we would have gotten some obvious clues about it.

I know everyone disagrees about if Gou is actually meant to be accessible, let alone solvable, for new fans, but I’m on the side of thinking that it is, which is why I think the lack of any kind of evidence for the GHD happening [or Takano doing anything more suspicious than going missing in the first two arcs] says a lot about the direction Gou is taking with it’s mystery.

The question then is just whether Takano’s just being prevented from carrying out her plan in each arc, or if things have fundamentally changed with her. Personally, I’d prefer it if they committed to having her be genuinely innocent this time around. If she’s still evil but she’s just been getting killed off-screen or whatever, then presumably they’d still have to address her entire deal in order to explain why she needs to be taken out in each arc, which would defeat the whole point of not having her be the villain in Gou, and it’d feel super alienating for new fans. So I prefer the idea that she’s totally innocent. Which wouldn’t really work if Gou is a striaghtforward sequel to the VN, but it could work if Gou is an in-universe forgery. It could be built upon someone’s second-hand understanding of Hinamizawa and it’s history who doesn’t know about Takano being evil, or maybe the person writing it knows about that, but is intentionally changing it in order to set up a new mystery of their own for Rika to solve.

And one way or another, I do think that the whole meta purpose of Gou is to pose some sort of challenge or mystery for Rika to solve. It seems like some kind of third party is dragging her into a new loop with a new mystery she needs to solve, which could have a lot of different explanations, but it could be that Featherine is literally just presenting these new stories to Rika to see if she can solve them.

Anyway, when it comes to the murder mysteries themselves in each arc of Gou, my general theory is still that Keiichi’s been responsible for a lot of it, and one of the big conceits of Gou is that his whole perspective on things has been incomplete and subjective from the start.

In Onidamashi, I agree with the common theory that the events of Tsumihoroboshi were basically happening in the background, with Rena murdering people and falling into paranoia while nobody else realizes what’s going on. I think at the dump site she was genuinely considering killing Keiichi due to suspecting that he found out about her hiding the corpses there, and at the festival I think she ended up killing Takano and Tomitake because she assumed that Keiichi was somehow working with them and had told them about the murders she did.

In their fight scene in ep4, I think Rena was genuinely planning to murder him, and he only started full-on hallucinating about halfway into the fight, when he knocks her out on the table. I’ve seen a lot of people questioning her motives, but I think it’s pretty straight-forward. My theory that she killed Takano and Tomitake seems like it contradicts the idea that she’d still think later on that there needs to be more sacrifices for the curse, but considering how deep Rena’s paranoia is, it’s possible that even after killing them, she just continued to feel paranoid about everything, which made her think that those two weren’t enough to satisfy the curse for that year, and so she needed to kill more people. In general I think she was mostly just trying to protect her father out of fear that he was being targeted by Oyashiro-sama as one of the curse victims of the year, so she was trying to see if killing other people would let her father be spared.

I think that Rena probably got knocked unconscious when she hit the table during the fight, and Keiichi hallucinated her waking up and stabbing him, while in reality he was probably repeatedly stabbing her unconscious body.

Most importantly, I think that after that, instead of Keiichi passing out from blood loss [since I don’t think he actually got stabbed that much in reality], the Rena incident reignited his paranoia, and he jumped to the conclusion that Rika knew about Rena’s plans, and that she intentionally got him to lower his guard around her so that he’d get killed. So I think Keiichi took the knife Rena tried to use on him and then ran to Rika’s house and killed her, with Satoko probably being an unintended casualty. Which would also make the whole story Mion gave of the police suspecting that a burglar broke into their house surprisingly accurate.

I also think that Keiichi tried to claw his throat out after that, but he got found by the police and taken to the hospital before he died from it. Which is why I think he has a neck brace on when he wakes up later, and also why that one nurse asked him about his neck being itchy. Along the same lines of how I think Takano’s a complete red herring in Gou, I think there might not be anything going on with the clinic this time around either. That nurse might have just been asking a normal question about his condition, if they did indeed find him clawing his throat out. 

So basically I think the whole arc was a mix of Rena and then Keiichi killing people, and that Takano and Tomitake were basically just innocent victims. 

Watadamashi is the arc that I’m most iffy about, but basically my core theory is that Keiichi actually killed Takano and Tomitake off-screen during the festival after what happened at the Saiguden. It always stuck out to me that he seemed even more paranoid about things in this arc than he did in Watanagashi, and yet nothing really seems to come of it. But the way he freaked out at the Saiguden definitely makes me think he could have been capable of snapping and killing those two after everyone parted ways, and the show just kept that info from us.

I’m at least fairly confident about the idea that the whole phone conversation he had with Shion was her making up a fake cover story about what happened to Takano and Tomitake, and getting Keiichi to agree to it. I also think it was probably Mion on the phone posing as Shion. Either way, I think it was along the lines of how everyone in Tatarigoroshi agreed to a fake cover story to hide the fact that he killed Teppei. 

After the festival, I think Mion ended up lashing out at the village elders and killing them due to them talking about how Shion and Keiichi broke into the Saiguden and needed to be punished for it. They may have also found out about Keiichi killing Takano and Tomitake, or they at least suspected him of it, so Mion ended up killing them to try and keep him safe. I’m not entirely sure if she killed Shion here, but it’s possible she did, at least if Shion agreed that Keiichi should get punished.

After that, I think a huge part of Keiichi’s paranoia was due to his fear that people would find out about everything he did, and so I think that he got set off by Rika venting at him about what he did at the festival, and her talking about how she was surprised that Takano and Tomitake’s corpses hadn’t been found yet. I think that what actually happened between that episode and the next one is that, instead of joining Satoko for dodgeball, he instead followed Rika and killed her where nobody could see them, and then he took her body to the septic tank. I think this is the whole reason why Satoko was so suspicious of him afterward.

When you think about it, with how condensed the whole flow of events there was, she’d have no real reason to suspect him if he had spent the whole time playing dodgeball with her, and there were probably other kids playing dodgeball as well who would have been able to say that Keiichi was with them the whole time. But the only person who tries to vouch for Keiich is just Mion.

Along the lines of her covering for Keiichi at the festival, I think she was just lying about seeing Rika talking to a construction worker to try and draw suspicion away from Keiichi. I guess it might have really happened, but either way I think she was just trying to cover for him. Which makes me think that maybe she witnessed what he did, and was maybe even the one who moved the corpse to the septic tank after Keiichi killed her. Which would also explain why Mion coincidentally distracted Keiichi right before he tried to go into the septic tank room.

I think she was telling the truth about suspecting that Rika was behind everything, even if she knew about Rika being dead by that point. I think it was more about her thinking that Rika is working with all of the village leaders to perpetuate the curse killings each year, so even if Rika’s dead, there’d still be people following her orders. If we assume that she really did see Rika talk to a construction worker, maybe that made her think that she was giving them orders, and then at the end of the arc when she sees them on the security footage, she thinks of them as her minions.

Then I think the rest is fairly straightforward, with Mion assuming that there’s still some nebulous organization following Rika’s orders who are a threat to Keiichi even after Rika’s death, so she arranges to get him locked up in the basement while she goes off to try and murder them all.

I think it was the construction workers who Mion saw on the security footage [like Keiichi did], but I’m not entirely sure what the deal is with Satoko being at the estate and winding up dead. My best guess is that she snuck into the estate to try and question Mion because she was suspicious about her covering for Keiichi, or maybe just because she thought Mion could help her figure things out, but then things went wrong. Maybe Mion ended up assuming that Satoko was in on the whole thing and killed her, but I’m not sure.

What happens with Keiichi is a lot more iffy. It’s possible that it just went the way it was shown, with him passing out in the safe room and then getting discovered by the police, but with how the other two arcs ended, I doubt it was that straight-forward. It’s possible that the whole scenario of him smashing his head into the door until he passed out was more like a narrative illusion or fantasy, and that Keiichi actually managed to get out of the safe room and head back to the estate, where maybe he was responsible for Satoko and/or Mion’s deaths. I’ve at least seen some people on the Higurashi subreddit point out that in a few shots you can see door handles on the inside of the door in the safe room, which seem to vanish when Keiichi’s trying to bust it open, which could imply that the whole idea of him being unable to open the door was a lie.

I’m not sure if he’d have any motive to kill Mion even if he went full L5, but it’s entirely possible he got suspicious of Satoko and wound up killing her, if he went back to the estate. Though one thing that I think is noteworthy is that, even though I think Shion was probably dead by that point, he actually would have had a motive to kill her if he at least had gone L5. He blamed her for luring him into the Saiguden, so he could have wound up murdering her as revenge for that. But I dunno if that’s actually what happened.

One idea I’ve been toying with is that maybe Keiichi actually killed Mion in the safe room, and the whole strange scenario of him smashing his head against the door and leaving a weirdly giant blood splatter behind was an illusion covering up something like him wrestling her gun off of her and shooting her with it. Then maybe he dumped her body in the well, and then went to the estate where he saw Shion, and wound up killing her. At least if we assume that maybe Mion and Shion were working together in this arc instead of one of them already being dead. Ooishi did say that it was Shion who was found in the well, but maybe it actually was Shion who took Keiich into the basement. At the very least, there’s that scene where Mion leaves him alone in her house for a while and then comes back in a different outfit, which could have represented the two of them switching places off-screen.

In general I’m kinda iffy on this arc in particular, lol. It feels a lot more ambiguous and open-ended than the other two. Or at least more so than Onidamashi.

Also on the note of Watadamashi, the biggest question mark to me in all of Gou at the moment is the whole scene with the statue in the Saiguden, and the empty slot we see in it’s neck. It’s just a really baffling scene since it feels like it’s the only scene in the entire show thus far where it comes up in any way, but it’s one of the most blatantly important pieces of evidence we’ve gotten, even if I dunno what it’s meant to imply. It even happens in the manga version, so it’s definitely an important plot point.

What I can gather from it is that someone had already broken the head off the statue, presumably to steal the sword inserted inside it, and then they stuck the pieces of the head back onto the statue to make it look intact. Although I suppose we can’t just assume that the head being broken and the sword being stolen happened back to back. It’s possible that someone broke the statue, and then at some point later on, maybe even years later, broke back into the Saiguden to steal the sword.

Part of why the statue’s so bizarre is that it seems to be fundamentally different to the statue in the VN. Or at least it’s state is different this time. Instead of how the statue’s hand was broken off in the VN, the hand is intact while the head had been broken off and put back into place. I’ve seen theories that the statue in Gou is a replica of the original, but I think that’s unlikely, both because it just sounds difficult and inconvenient to get rid of an entire statue and replace it with something else, but also because the statue we see in Gou still has the slot inside it’s neck, and it’s the one that had it’s head broken open. If the statue in Gou is just a replica, there’d be no reason to go as far as to replicate the sword slot that nobody can even see from the outside, and if the point of breaking the head was to let someone steal the sword, then there’d be no reason for the ‘replica’s’ head to be broken. So I think it might actually be one of the big hints toward Gou being a fundamentally different world altogether to the VN, where even the history of everything has been adjusted in subtle ways. Satoko originally broke the statue’s hand in the VN before the curse incidents even started, which is way earlier than the part of the timeline that Rika and Hanyuu can go back to by the end of the VN.

I think this is one of the bigger pieces of evidence people use for Satoko being a looper, since maybe she’d have the ability to go that far back in time, but I still doubt that whole theory, so I’m more inclined to think that this is Featherine straight up changing what happened with the statue as part of the new mystery she’s setting up.

One way or another it definitely comes across like the entire thing with Satoko breaking the statue’s hand has been more or less retconned out of existence in Gou. On top of the statue’s hand not being broken, Satoko also never mentions anything about believing it to be the source of her hardships like she does in Tatarigoroshi. Which is another thing where the absence of a certain plot point or clue from the VN feels very noteworthy, especially if you look at it from the perspective of new fans.

Either way, I don’t have much of an idea for who could have stolen the sword, let alone WHY they did it. There hasn’t even been any hint at all toward the sword being involved in any of the murders thus far, and I definitely think they would have pointed it out if it was. So what exactly is the whole point of it? It could just be a ritualistic thing to set up the idea of Oyashiro’s sacred statue being desecrated, but we only find out about it in one arc, and only because the group breaks into the Saiguden and then happens to bump into the statue and knock it’s head off. So if the culprit wanted it to be some public display to stir up talk of the curse or whatever, they kept it pretty hidden, lol.

There’s only a few people who should even know about the sword, but there’s been no real hints toward Rika being responsible for it, and Hanyuu seems totally distanced from the gameboard this time around. Maybe Satoko knows about it, but I’m not sure.

I also have to wonder when exactly the sword got stolen in the first place. It might have actually been way before each arc even starts.

In general it’s just a weird bit of the mystery and I don’t think anyone has any concrete idea of what the fuck’s going on with it, lol.

Anyway, for Tataridamashi, I think the whole arc was basically designed to make Satoko suspicious without her actually being responsible for anything. Across all three arcs I think she’s been set up as a bit of a red herring, but it’s pretty heavy in this arc.

Basically I think that the events of Tatarigoroshi/Minagoroshi really were just happening the same way as in the VN, even if a lot of it was off-screen this time around. And with my theory of this being Featherine’s own spin on events, it’s possible that her ‘version’ of Teppei was just abusing Satoko in a way that didn’t leave visible bruises like in the VN, to basically goad everyone into assuming that she wasn’t actually being abused in the first place. I don’t think Satoko would have any logical reason to fake the abuse, especially stuff like her panic attack which was completely identical to how it went in the VN as far as I remember. And mostly I just don’t think Ryukishi would be comfortable writing a whole plot point of a little girl intentionally faking abuse for some kind of malicious or manipulative reason, especially if it involved twisting an existing story about genuine, realistic abuse. So I just feel fundamentally put off by that whole theory, lol.

Either way, one important thing that’s central to my theory here is the idea that Keiichi was going through a lot more stress and paranoia in this arc than we were shown. Even though they seemed to avoid the Tatarigoroshi route and go down the Minagoroshi route instead with him, I think he still had a lot of paranoia and anger building up inside him about the entire situation with Satoko and Teppei. Same with how Rena and Shion seemed like they were always about two seconds away from snapping and running off to murder Teppei. i also think that an important part of this is how Rika kept talking in ominous and weirdly mature terms about fate and whatnot, and she kept quoting something that Keiichi apparently told her but he has no memory of. I think this ended up contributing a lot more to his stress than he let on, but we did still see how he caught onto what she was talking about and was uncomfortable with it.

At the festival, I think Satoko’s intentions with Keiichi were totally innocent, and that she was taking him back to her house so she could give him Satoshi’s baseball bat. I think that she also set up a harmless trap in her house where Keiichi would pull on the cord to turn on the lights, and some stuff would fall on his head. She probably just set it up to try and lighten the mood and bring things back to normal, and also as a parallel to how earlier in the arc she set up a similar trap in Keiichi’s house. Even in Onidamashi there was a scene where she set up a trap in the school with stuff falling from the ceiling during one of their games.

So basically I think it was a variation of how Onikakushi ended, where this time around it’s Satoko who’s pulling a harmless prank on Keiichi, who proceeds to completely misinterpret it as her trying to kill him.

I’ve seen people point out that it seems really sudden for him to immediately go L5 that fast at the end of the arc, but like I said, I think he’d been dealing with stress and paranoia the entire arc, and it all just burst out at the end. I think he 100% hallucinated Teppei being there because he didn’t want to imagine Satoko doing it, and what actually happened was he ended up beating her to death with the bat instead.

Like with the fight scene in Onidamashi, the way that the lighting effects and gratuitous blood splatter happen in this scene make it seem like an over-exaggerated hallucination, especially since in this scene you can also see smaller and more realistic blood sprays overlaid on top of the super exaggerated blood all over the room.

After that, I think that since Keiichi was already hallucinating Teppei being the one attacking him, it lead to him assuming it meant he was alive, and thus that the entire situation with the village elders and the police working to arrest him and save Satoko was actually a complete ruse, and that they never wanted to save her at all. So, similar to how I think Onidamashi ended, I think he then took the bat, ran back to the festival, and attacked Rika, Mion, and Shion, due to believing that they were involved in some kind of conspiracy to protect Teppei. And then I think Ooishi pulled out his gun and shot Keiichi in the head to stop him.

So that’s basically why I think only those three specifically died at the festival [ignoring Satoko who probably died at the house], and the apparent weirdness with Ooishi pulling out his gun at the festival. I think that’s just meant to mislead us, and that Rena was repressing her memory of what really happened due to being traumatized by it.

I also think that’s why it seems to take Keiichi long enough to wake up in the hospital for it to be autumn, and why he has severe headaches after waking up. It’s possible that instead of it being due to having his head bashed in by Teppei, it was because Ooishi shot him in the head, and he managed to survive it with lasting injuries, and probably memory loss.

Also, aside from all this, I think that literally nothing happened with Takano and Tomitake in this arc, even after the festival. We didn’t see how it all played out, but we didn’t hear anything about either of them going missing, and they didn’t imply anything about the GHD happening even though a lot of time had passed, so I think they probably just survived the festival without anything happening to them, and the GHD never happened. Which seems like it’d imply that Takano’s straight up innocent in Gou, and not just that she’s been killed by someone before the festival ends each time.

So yeah that’s how I think each arc went. There’s a lot of room for interpretation, but I think one of the most important clues we’ve gotten is how every arc ends in basically the same way, with Keiichi getting knocked unconscious and then waking up at the hospital days if not weeks later and being told about what happened while he was unconscious. This is a notable enough pattern that it has to be central to the mystery, which is one of the reasons why I think that the answer is more or less that Keiichi actually WAS involved in all of these off-screen incidents, or at least most of them, and he just doesn’t remember it, and we weren’t shown it.

Of course, this all would imply that there isn’t actually a central ‘villain’ orchestrating everything who needs to be dealt with, and that literally everything is just the result of everyone’s personal problems leading to tragedy. Which might disappoint some people, but I think it could still make for a perfectly satisfying resolution, and honestly if we only have 11 episodes left to work with, it’d be way easier to pull off this sort of an ending than it would be to go through the entire Takano thing, or to set up an entirely new villain and then deal with them.

I also think it might be a sort of meta commentary on how there’s always been criticism about Higurashi’s ending veering away from focusing on the main cast’s personal problems, and getting into full on political conspiracy stuff for it’s final act. So maybe this is Ryukishi’s way of basically rewriting the story so that it stays more ‘focused’ on it’s central cast and themes right to the end. 

Also I just think it’d be fitting if the whole trick of Gou is that everyone’s overthinking it and looking for a deeper conspiracy that doesn’t actually exist. Which I think would honestly tie in really well with Higurashi’s central themes of paranoia and distrust, and be a fun way to mess with old fans who try and view Gou through the lens of how the VN plays out.

And even though it might seem like a surprisingly ‘simple’ answer to the mystery, I think it’s noteworthy that Rika spends all of Tataridamashi being 100% convinced that Keiichi’s going to challenge fate and save Satoko and achieve a happy ending, and since Gou feels like it’s designed to mess with Rika’s approach to fixing things, it feels like she’s being punished for having blind faith in Keiichi. So it might still take her a while to actually start suspecting him.

Anyway, that all aside, I know that the whole Satoko looper theory is probably the most popular one in the fandom at the moment, but like I said, I don’t really buy it. It feels like the obvious red herring solution that we’re being lead to believe, but I don’t think there’s any actual concrete evidence for it, especially when it comes to what her motive in any of this could be. I feel like a lot of the theory sorta ends up feeling like ‘I think Mystery Person X did the murder by using Mystery Tool Y’, where basically anyone could have done it instead of Satoko. I’m not entirely opposed to the theory as a whole though, especially with how what seems to be teenage Satoko shows up in the OP. There’s probably something going on with her, but I doubt that she’s been responsible for any murders or anything. If anything, I think it being *teenage* Satoko that shows up in the OP [presumably] might imply that whatever new importance she has is to do with stuff that hasn’t even happened yet in the story.

Considering that teenage Rika and the whole mystery of how and why she got dragged into this new loop when she did exists, I think that either the next arc or the final one might actually continue the timeline several years into the future when she and Satoko are teenagers, but I dunno how that’d play out.

There’s been lots of speculation that Lambda might tie into things here with Satoko, which I can’t help but like the idea of since I’m an Umineko fan, but I at least think that could happen without Satoko being the ‘mastermind’ or whatever. 

I think they’d have to be very careful about how they portray Lambda, if she shows up in Gou, since even though Rika’s connection to Bernkastel and even Hanyuu’s connection to Featherine can be fairly easily explained to new fans, the connection between Satoko and Lambda has always been a bit more weird and ambiguous. But if the story of Gou is a fictional story in-universe, it’s possible that Lambda’s role here can contradict her role outside of Gou, for the sake of introducing her in a more understandable way.

Basically I think they might portray Lambda [if she shows up] as effectively being Satoko’s witch form, like Bernkastel is to Rika, with maybe her being responsible for the new loops, whether or not Satoko herself has been responsible for any murders.

Satoko’s motives in doing any of this is a bit iffy, but it’d be neat if they lean into the idea of how Satoshi’s fate was left kinda open-ended and unresolved after Matsuribayashi. Maybe in Gou she ends up wanting to turn back time in order to save him from disappearing to begin with, or something like that. I at least don’t think she’d have any reason to kill anyone, unless she’s being forced into it, in which case it just means there’d be a ‘real mastermind’ behind the scenes, which I doubt we have time for.

I at least think that her deaths in each arc can be easily explained as unfortunate accidents, and that a lot of the moments of her being suspicious could just be red herrings with innocent explanations. Like how maybe she was suspicious of Keiichi in Watadamashi not because she’s actually the mastermind and was trying to place blame on him, but because he didn’t actually join her for dodgeball and instead just followed Rika right before she ended up dead. And her not having any apparent bruises in Tataridamashi might be due to Teppei not using that sort of physical violence on her this time around. She also might have genuinely had her big character development moment from Minagoroshi off-screen, and was telling the truth about revealing her abuse to the CWS and letting them save her.

There’s also the whole theory of Ooishi being behind everything, which I can maybe buy for Tataridamashi and Watadamashi, but I can’t really see it with Onidamashi.

One of my favourite ‘out there’ theories I’ve seen is that Satoshi is basically the culprit this time around, but that’s just because I really want him to be more important this time around than he was in the VN. I don’t actually think there’s any solid evidence for him being responsible for anything in Gou, and even though I’ve seen some really detailed and well planned theories to do with it, it’s another one of those things where you could basically replace Satoshi with any random character you want to explain how everything happened. But I do respect how much thought some people have put into this whole theory, and part of me’s rooting for it even though I don’t thin kit’s true, just because I want to see more of Satoshi in Gou, lol.

Anyway, in terms of how the second half of Gou will play out, I’m really not sure. The fact that the next arc is called Nekodamashi really throws off some of my predictions, since I was assuming the next arc would basically be Gou’s version of Meakashi. And I still do hope that they cover Shion’s backstory from that arc, but we’ll see.

The weird thing is that it sounds like Nekodamashi might be based on the one-episode original OVA from the 2006 anime, but with that being one episode long and this being four episodes based on the BD listings, I think any inspiration it takes from that arc would be very loose, and Nekodamashi will be almost entirely original.

From what I’ve heard, the Nekogoroshi episode mainly existed to hint at the existence of the Yamainu and the stockpile of gas they had stored to trigger the GHD, which is kinda interesting, since I think that the GHD is being effectively written out of the story this time around.

It’s possible the name is just a coincidence, though. Like how there was an arc called Onidamashi in some sort of short story collection released ages ago, that has nothing to do with the Onidamashi arc in Gou.

At the very least, we have some preview images showing Rika in the fragment world, so I guess we’ll see more of her there, and maybe the focus will shift towards her trying to actually piece things together and solve the mystery.

[ramblingguy54]

How do you feel about the sudden shift in pacing in SUF? Personally, I was so disconcerted at first, I thought that it was /worse/ than the original series, then I rewatched, and realized that it was just really different. It's definitely a lot more blunt in the humor, and of course there's the whole Steven-not-knowing-everything-anymore-thing. What do you think?

The overall pacing of Steven Universe Future has been very enjoyable!

I genuinely find it to be pretty damn good actually, as its focus is crystal clear on where it should be. That being Steven Universe’s inner dilemma of what he’s supposed to do now the whole massive conflict with the Diamonds has been solved. As much as I loved Steven Universe’s story when it focused on the main conflict surrounding the Crystal Gems against their own planet and learning more about each of them, along with Rose’s entire backstory too, it still suffered from some of the Beach City episodes dragging it down in the pacing when it could’ve focused more on the other characters, like further exploring Lapis and Peridot’s chemistry for example. That isn’t to say I hated every single one, as some were actually enjoyable and gave me an appreciation for them in a sense. Sometimes it’s okay to take a breather and have a simple slice of life episode. Fun fact, I didn’t get into watching the OG series, until the movie was released last year, so that gave me more of a tolerance for the Beach City episodes. Makes me very glad that I waited this long because hoo boi some of the hiatus issues I’ve heard about from a close friend of mine, who got into watching this series when it first aired back then, weren’t pretty. LMAO!

Anyways, the idea surrounding Steven’s characterization of not-knowing-everything-anymore-thing, as you’ve put it, isn’t actually as weird, from I’ve heard some people make it out to be for a form of criticism that people on Tumblr have made rebuttals against before. It’s wonderfully consistent with what Steven’s character is all about and that’s trying to figure out his place in the world. This has always been a consistent struggle for himself, like the lyric mentioned in the full version of the series opening from Steven.

“I will fight to be everything that everybody wants me to be when I’m grown!”

Steven’s whole internal conflict surrounds not knowing whether or not he can exactly be like his mother, which puts a shit ton of insecurities on his own self-worth into trying to fit in with the other Crystal Gems because he’s not your average-every-day-kid that you see in society. He’s a special hybrid of human/gem that neither side of the species connected to him has ever seen before and that puts a ton of pressure onto how the boy feels a need to connect with both sides of himself. While he already has a deeply loving relationship with his father, Greg, Steven also wants to better understand that Gem lineage and why his mother was so revered by what he perceives to be these amazing warriors, who fight evil. Never mind putting this onto a kid’s existence, as soon as he or she’s brought into reality, but even an adult would struggle a lot with all this stuff. As the original story progressed, Steven learns all of the hardships the Crystal Gems faced many centuries ago and what his own mother did to protect the Earth in exchange for many issues Steven would have to handle, as soon as Pink Diamond gave up herself to create the child.

Holy shit, did he ever have to handle the baggage from Pink Diamond.

You should’ve shattered me back then. At least if I were in pieces, I wouldn’t have to know how little I mattered to you. You didn’t even tell em. You bubbled me away and didn’t ever tell your friends! MY friends!

I’m going to tell them. I’m gonna tell them everything.

Then you really are better than HER…

Pivotal moments, like in the episode centered around Bismuth, paint everything in an entirely different light for Steve’s ideals based around his mother. At first, Rose Quartz was implied to be an individual who could do no wrong to any living thing, but hindsight from Bismuth’s trauma paints everything in an entirely different light for this poor boy having to take on the entire blunt of this figurative dagger. A question that is represented in the episode, Storm In The Room.

Did you make me, just so you wouldn’t have to deal with all your mistakes!?

Is that all I’m here for…?

I’ve went into more detail about this episode in a previous ask surrounding this topic, so you can check that one out in your free time, but the point I’m making here is Steven has centered a lot of himself around the idea of Rose Quartz being a self-less individual and helped many others through her actions that put this entire series into motion in the first place, but when all of that from this kid’s perspective is thrown out the window through tragic events that also happened in part because of her decisions, Steven starts questioning everything about his life. I’d like think in these moments Steven’s internal dialogue is worded around these types of statements.

“I wanted to be a savior, like her. Although, she did bad things, too! Am I no different from her? Can I truly help people without hurting them in the process?”

That’s why he helped the Crystal Gems in The Test Season 1 episode feel better about their own issues, while hiding how hurt the boy felt about being lied to about the obstacle course being 100% percent un-failable because Steven adopted the selfless image of his mother in this important moment. Steven listened in on a private conversation he had no business hearing from Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl that fueled this idea further of becoming a savior to all living things and put into perspective that these “amazing warriors” were in fact very insecure like himself and needed Steven in their lives, just as much as he did.

That’s why he helped heal Lapis before.

That’s why he helped Peridot open her eyes and come outta her shell.

I could go on and on, but in a nutshell Steven has made life revolve around others so much that feels only natural to help anyone he can, considering that’s what his mother believed in. Even if they’re morally questionable individuals, Steven still tries to see the good in everyone. His angry statements against Lars attitude about Rose put all of that into perspective to contemplate about.

What do you know about my mom!? I didn’t even get to know my mom, but I do know she saw beauty in everything! Even in stuff like this and even in jerks like you!

Steven’s only known what to do because he’s adopted the ideals of his mother so much. Kind of like being brought into existence like your typical Gems, where they’re programmed to feel that way and commit the actions they’re all built for. It’s poetic honestly that he’s helped everyone, but not himself in the long run. These issues were piling on since the start because Steven didn’t have to worry about feeling inferior because he could always help everyone in this series, but now that the events of Steven Universe Future have occurred this puts everything into a more deeply poignant light for the kid entering a more mature phase of his life now and is going to reflect on every little aspect of himself.

There’s no such thing as happily ever after. I’ll always have more work to do.

But if there’s nothing to work out…

Steven Universe Future is a brilliant character study pay off to all those five seasons that were paving the way to this cementing the idea that Steven has issues that are spiraling outta control from putting all of independence into the idea that he has to be a savior like his mother was. Much like how Spinel was so attached to Pink Diamond as a “best friend”, Steven puts so much faith into the mindset that he has must stick his guns and stay that perfect savior everyone knows/loves. It’s unhealthy emotional attachment that is coming to light with these Pink outbursts of his. While he still loves what his mother stood for, despite feeling very conflicted about her in general these days, still strives to be the best parts of her and not the worst, hence the ending of the Rose Buds episode where he puts the painting of her pure persona into Lion’s mane realm.

It’s entirely reversed roles now where the Crystal Gems and mostly everyone are fine, but Steven is far from being emotionally stable currently in recent events. Steven Universe The Movie built the subversive punchline that this epilogue series has been delivering strongly on so far and hope it will continue to do so. I’ve loved how they’ve deconstructed Steven’s characterization.

To end this lengthy post, I’ll refer to these words from Jasper that sums up everything on Steven’s issues. She may have been seriously harsh, but Jasper aint wrong in some ways about Steven feeling very low on himself in general.

You think everyone needs help, but its only you! No one is as pitiful as you!

On a side note, regarding the humor real quick in Future, I can see why you’d think its more blunt. It’s very on the nose with how much it pokes fun at itself, but honestly I don’t have issues with it all. I don’t know about you, but I find it fucking hilarious how they’ve been openly taking potshots at their previous ideas in the story line. I’m always down for a creative team being snarky with themselves!

Thanks for taking the time to read this detailed post of mine! =)