#it is so exhausting to read comments like those every day. you dont know my country my culture nor my history you dont even know where

[latinashepard]

people are being willfully ignorant and xenophobic towards argentines, harassing them and hiding behind the myth perpetuated by the usa that it's a white country so here i am again trying to bring in actual sources to dispute this claim. nevermind that trying to bring in nuance to a discussion on the internet is like talking to a wall

erika edwards is an academic, the only person from usa that i've seen discuss this subject with the respect and the sensibility it deserves. the matter of race in argentina is just as complex as it is anywhere else and deserves to be treated as such.

[toastthewolfie]

tw: suicide ideation and attempt (not drawn and is given up on but it’s there.), take care of urselves and dont read if it’ll trigger you <3

It’s under the cut but it’s about Selena after the Alone mission MW2 bc im still on my shit (like usual)

It takes about 3 months for her to break fully. For the first week or so, it was just pure shock that kept her running and non-processing. Nightmares weren’t all that common because she was so stressed out and mentally worn down that her brain just went: no. We aren’t doing this.

its when she starts think she’s getting better it starts. The voice, initially small now all consuming, that hisses every single one of the thoughts her brain had suppressed for the past week or so. The voice was easy enough to brush off, it was easy enough to brush off the offered therapy and throw away the business cards of therapists. It was easy because it wasn’t bad. It was just something she always dealt with just amplified.

Then it got worse and worse and became harder to hide. It became impossible to just brush off that persistent little voice. It was damn near impossible to not at least slightly agree with what it was saying (at the end of the day, she WAS coward that ran away the second she saw her colleagues dead, and while logically, she knows that the choice she made in the moment was what kept her alive, maybe it would have been easier had she just died there. She should have gone back to try and help and not just run the second her brain realized what was going on).

Suddenly, it went from small zone outs when nothing was going on, to zoning out during missions when she’s supposed to be keeping overwatch (it hasn’t gotten anyone hurt or killed yet, thankfully).

it went from exhausted hours of dreamless sleep to nightmarish images that startled her awake every few hours in a cold swear until she gave up and just started her day early, regardless of how tired she is.

It makes her easier to beat during training, when she’s practically dead on her feet and trying to hide it. Saying that she thinks that night is hitting her a little bit so she’s tired and will be back to normal in a few weeks. It gets her a nod of sympathy and then she snaps back into how she was before. (Those weeks show her how to hide whats going on.)

Her lackluster performance just perpetuates the voice’s influence. While comments about her being weak used to be easily ignored, when she can’t help but genuinely lose to a newbie, it’s true. It throws her further and further into this silent spiral of anguish. It’s not hard to see, just focusing on her a bit more than usual would give any indication that something is wrong, but one could suppose it was a delayed reaction of that night.

The further it goes, the more anguish morphs into being passively suicidal, such as moving away last second from a grenade, or barely even blinking when her right hand gets stabbed yet again.

And then passive suicidalness turns into being actively suicidal. It goes from quietly hanging in the corner to laughing and joking. It would be easy enough to assume that she was coming out of whatever had been affecting her for the past few months, had it not been for her just randomly giving away things. It was small, easily passed off. Just small trinkets she claimed ‘belonged with someone who had more time to appreciate them’ or pins she collected that she thought someone would like. The only really odd thing was Selena transferring legal ownership of Skye to her brother. (Selena fucking loves that dog, so with her transferring ownership? Pretty fucking iffy. But she reasoned that Jack had just retired from the corps and she was still active duty, it made more sense for Jack to hold onto her just in case she died in the line of duty.)

And then of course, it all came to a head when 3 months later. She was on a leave for… unspecified reasons. Here she was, alone in her apartment with nothing but her and the pistol she kept for self defense. There was no laughter outside the door that kept her holding on. There was no Skye anxiously brushing against her human’s legs. There was nothing but silence.

Really, it would be so easy to just pull the trigger and blow her brains out and around the apartment. It’s easy to consider, especially with it pressed against her temple she she stares blankly at the table in front of her.

but, they would have to find someone else to fill her role (as, she did have objective use. An overwatch sniper.). And she didn’t have all her affairs in order. And skye wouldn’t know what happened, plus she did NOT need to traumatize any of the other shadows or her family anymore. I mean, wouldn’t it be sad? The youngest daughter of the family, dying on the day her father died? Wouldn’t that just be pathetic and bring more pain to the day?

It was those thoughts that left the gun in the safe and the bullets in the other one, and a very tired Selena stumbling off to bed.

[satellitesoundwave]

Hi! Book-binding annon here! Hope you are out there living your best life and that you are getting better!

I just wanted to tell you that dont worry! If I end up making DwtD a physical book I will totally send you pictures! I have an Idea for the cover, I am hoping to sketch soon!

About the “look away” comments… I just don’t want you to think I am weird <- Is on tumblr how normal can he be.

But anyways, Annon allows me to send you love and recognition for your beautiful brain, without me feeling like I am bothering you. But I should prolly take off the annon mask if I want you to see the art. I am 99% sure you wont think I am annoying, we artist trive in seeing people go crazy about our stuff.

But is that I trully love this fanfic sooo much. The way you write Jazz in particular makes me so happy!

I know this is going to be a hot take but I don’t think most of the fandom gets Jazz. I blame TFA. Animated is a great show, and I love TFA Jazz but it sucks that this is the version most of the fandom takes to write their Jazz. Because TFA took his role as a deescalator and made it his main trait. In concequence to that (and classic downplaying of Black coded characters) I find that most people just have him as a reactive character, instead of a highly active one.

because that is the whole point, isn’t it? Jazz being the most deceptive Autobot.

He *pretends* to be laid back and non threatening, when in reality he is lowering peoples guards so that he can strike. To be like that recurries knowledge of character, profiling and so much control. But he is not calculative and meticulous, because he knows numbers don’t count in the field, actions do. He controls his actions, he gets the job done.

And I honestly sometimes just reread that fic to remind myself there’s people out there that get it. That Jazz is a character that makes his own decisions. Morally grey. Highly capable and competent.

Dear Rung in the Core, in chapter 3? When he makes the mistake and he is like “Stop, learn from the mistake. Get back up” Thats is so…. Bdjdjdkdj I want to yell and scream because OMGGGG In real time that was like, what? 3 seconds? It was enough, he was working behind enemy lines *with* an Enemy, and he just got back on track because that’s what he does!!

Also, just the fact that you didn’t butcher AAVE. I much rather people don’t use it than to just act like using “ah” instead of “I” is not disrespectful. Really, thanks for this, it is exhausting.

The entire lore with the Ravir is SO IMPORTANT TO ME!! The fact that you gave Jazz a Ravir Friend!??? Also, I love anthropology and sociology (I am studying sociology) And just… delicious I am putting them in my mouth for safe keeping.

I actually have to get back to take screenshots of the Ravir but they have been really fun to sketch in free time. I was not using reference for those, so If I want to draw the cover anytime soon I will need to check that and make sure I am following descriptions.

I love how enigmatic Soundwave is through the entire thing until we get to the “OH SHIT” Moment of “He is into you”

I haven’t reread it in like… a week, I need to do it again 😔 <- Is hyperfixiating, sorry.

Anyways, also, just I love chapter 3, k? I love reading it and mentally going “JAZZ NO!! JAZZ!! MIJO ESTAS CAYENDO EN LA TRAMPA!! JAZZ NOOOOOOO” My man got caught simping 😭

I can not express enough HOW MUCH I love every single fucking mention of Jazz’s knife through the fic. It all just… ties down so beautiful in the end, Dear Rung I just dbjddbdkdbdjdbdjdb [Grabs the entire fic and consumes it]

Anyways, is just… So good, and this is just another continuity for me.

If you are okey with it I can DM you the drawings. Have a great day, I trully do hope you are doing okey. You have given me something that gave me so much Joy and I just want to let you know through this silly annon messages.

I shall Go 😎

bye

YO you’re drawing a cover?? That’s so cool

No need to worry about me finding you annoying! Like you said, I am way too busy thriving at seeing you enjoy DwtD for that. (totally get the concern tho, god knows I find interacting with people whose work I admire intimidating)

I can’t offer a lot of insight into how TFA influences how people characterise Jazz since I’ve only seen most of season 1 - though tbh while I do take inspiration IDW, really my angle on Jazz comes down more to an accident of taste, I think. Proactiveness and specific direction/goals are things I really like in protagonists, to the point that fics and books that are excellently written can sour a bit for me when they don’t have those, so I do tend to zero in on and emphasise those things. But that’s just my preference. I can’t really begrudge people focusing more on his easygoing side and Jazz being everyone's friend when that's what appeals to them, since those are as much a part of him as the stuff I gravitate towards

Though it could also… hm. Some of the more common shipping options for Jazz are ones where they’re already friends or have established amicability, and I kind of wonder if you’re gesturing at something I’ve run into a fair bit in friends to lovers fics. It’s that thing where a fic seems to be very interested in the interiority of Character A, and you keep waiting for Character B to get the same level of attention, except then it just never happens. It can feel a bit like the writer is more interested in how Character B can act as a vehicle for making Character A feel loved/comforted/etc, than in Character B as an actual character in their own right

Obviously not all (or even most) friends to lovers fic does this. And it’s not, like, an unforgivable crime or anything either, actually! Imo this can be a perfectly valid decision for a story - for instance, while it's not at all in friends to lovers territory, I did something similar in Your Own Hands. There's a lot of stuff in my plot outline about what Prowl’s thinking in each scene, details of the multiple factors being weighed in his decision making. But the reader ends up seeing basically none of it, because for all Tarantulas believes he understands Prowl as no one else does there are ways in which he understands him very poorly, and the narrative is so tightly bound up in Tarantulas' pov that his shortcomings prevent the reader from ever getting a clear read on Prowl. So I am definitely not saying this is automatically a bad thing. But at the same time, I also get how frustrating this can be when the sidelined half of the ship is the reason you clicked on the fic in the first place. Especially when you run into several fics doing this to the character you’re turning up for in a row, that has happened to me and I have felt petty resentment about it

Sorry for the little ramble haha, you just got me thinking about what made me drift away from the friends to lovers approach to ships a bit (this is something I’ve not really run into in enemies to lovers fic, I guess bc the narrative needs to have at least some investment in the interiority of both characters so them being in conflict has a foundation and makes sense. Tho maybe it does happen here too and I've just not seen it)

Please do dm me the drawings!! Thank you for this message :) It's very special that this little fanfic I made brought you so much happiness. My work’s been very understaffed recently and covering the gaps has been super tiring, so I've been reading and rereading this as I slowly pulled together the energy to reply bc it’s so nice and made me feel better ( ´∀`) I wanted to go into more depth in my reply (ahsjdjd I laughed so hard about how Jazz 'got caught simping' he did lmao, and I’m delighted you like the bits with Jazz’s knife bc I did go feral when I realised I could have that as a recurring bit :3c and oooooooh my god I am so stoked that you’re drawing the Ravir) but I’ve been so fatigued these past few weeks that if I don’t reply now then I’ve got no idea when I’d get the ball rolling again orz Besides that I am doing okay though. Things in my life now are better than they've ever been before, which I personally am pretty happy about :D

Thank you again for the kind words <3

[strawberryspeachy]

I cant even wake up in time to go out for a fucking hour

Whatever curse is on me keeps getting worse. I’m so fucking exhausted all the time and every time i get excited for something its taken away or ruined

Its bad enough i dont have anyone and that i cant wake up or stay up for the prime time of going out

Which is why i moved to an area where most of my salary is spent on fucking existing here

But now i cant even wake up for one damn fucking hour of going out

But i wake up fully awake in time to see the clubs are JUST about to close and waste my fucking life away

I hate being me. I want to be dead so fucking bad.

Tell me why. When i put in so much effort and thought and try so hard to make my classes good.

Apparently junior high in private school suck. They know they dont need to do anything to pass right through the system so theyre little fucking dicks about everything

I guess the annoying high school kids at my last school were the ones that were passed on through middle school

And now middle school is the only job i can get for next year. I hate private school junior high

I loved them in public school. But my god. Dealing with kids who refuse to do the bare minimum and even pushing them to try results in them throwing a tantrum bc they always get their way (sitting around doing absolutely nothing while complaining about having to do something they signed up to fucking do)

Ive read this is what american schools have turned into and yeah. Its fucking exhausting. what’s the fucking point. You cant teach anyone

Youre not allowed to just ignore those shit kids - even if you try they disrupt the class. So you cant teach the ones who WANT to learn because you have to teach to the dumbest kid in the class and no matter how low you go they go lower.

What’s the fucking point

Today in the advanced english class which the kids in the class CHOSE to be in - a girl i literally complemented so much last class because she did so well - and to other teachers commented how shes come so far from being super shy and on the verge of tears/crying at the beginning of the year - back to crying today

Crying because i asked her to speak english in the advanced english class that she chose to do saying she thinks ill be mad at her if she makes a mistake WHEN I NEVER GET ANGRY AT STUDENTS. LITERALLY NEVER. Meanwhile her homeroom teachers literally screams at them and guilt trips them all the time. But he’s a man. Even to the kids apparently theyre fine with being screamed at by men. But let me - a woman - tell them to do their work and its a fucking problem

Its so fucking stupid because it sounds like im leaving out half the story. Or that ive spun it to sound better. Or that anything. Like this isn’t the full story. But it fucking is and this kind of shit has me exhausted. I see why teachers are leaving in droves. From reading about the conditions i already understood but my god is it so fucking exhausting.

The class i see 3 times a week. Theyve been a pain in the ass since day one. My other classes teachers always try to steal - not this one. No one likes them. Its like pulling teeth to get them to do shit

Theyve been getting better. Theyve been really good recently. I felt like i finally got them somewhere. They were doing so well. But no. They didn’t improve. Its like a rollarcoaster. I go from the quietest worst at english boys volunteering to go to the front and do an improv skit in english and the whole class actively engaging and having fun

To the next class they act like they cant understand a single word i say. They wont speak and act like theyre being tortured by a simple actively

I dont have the fucking energy. I fully understand those days that my teachers would tell us “if you dont want to try then im not going to either. Just there in silence till the bell rings” as “one of the kids who are trying so im sorry to you but your classmates ruined it for you” having been that kid. I got it then but i really fucking get it now.

Like do you think i enjoy nagging you. Is it really the fun trying to explain something to a kid staring at their friend fully understanding what theyre supposed to do and being entirely capable of it but deciding its more fun to make fun of the teacher in front of their face while pretending you cant understand

And i just have to pretend you really cant understand and keep trying.

Like im not their only english teacher. They have other english classes. Theyve been taught how to read. Theyve learned grammar up to “if you could fly what would you do” “i would…” they fan make sentences and understand at the level of a preschooler. And telling them to talk about a topic that they like - i know they can have conversations in english. Theyve done it many times. Tell them to do it and use their new grammar- cause thats my class - using the fucking shit they’ve learned beyond textbook shit

No all of the third years this week refusing to say anything more than “nice” “yea” “oh really” “i like” “oh mhm”

I’ve always thought school needed reformed. There was no reason that i should have been so stressed out all the time over school. I still believe that. But i know the world deciding to make school a fucking joke where no kid fails. You cant make them do anything. You cant punish them. Its not to make the learning environment better. Its to make a bunch of fucking idiot adults who cant critically think, dont have any working knowledge of the world, have no desire to learn and dont know how to teach themselves, and think that theres no repercussions for their actions so that when someone is unfairly targeted theyll just think “man they must have done something think REALLY bad”

The ones that WANT to learn. That try hard. Theyre honestly so far and few between and theyre punished for it. Why try hard when youre the only one who actually gets graded on your work. You work hard and get a B your classmates does fucking nothing and gets a C then the lazy one does ANYTHING and ya gotta encourage them to keep doing that so they get an A. They suck at school(refuse to try) so they should get rewards for literally anything else so they dont feel bad about themselves

Ridiculous. It sucks that the worlds gonna get stupider. The current school children are gonna be stupider than boomers. And the fact that they have no rules… at least old people to in trouble all the time as kids and were forced to be respectful to others and understand repercussions.

[magiclovingdragon]

I’m going to start eating in the garage away from everyone if I’m going to get lectures over every single thing I eat (no matter how healthy or unhealthy it is, there is always at least a snarky comment) cuz I’m going to start developing a complex if this keeps on. Yes I know I’m fat and I need to lose weight because its not helping my chronic illnesses but I will not be lectured on my diet by fatphobic, daily gym going twats who eat half a 9” pizza, say “I’m full” then go on to scoff a load of nibbles and sweets, who have no clue what its like to try & cook anything when you’re in pain to the point you could cry & painkillers arent working, fatigued to the point of lightheadedness & too brainfogged to understand the instructions printed on a box.

Unless you have experienced the embarrassment & distress that being so tired & brainfogged that you can look at a sentence but have no comprehension of what its saying or being in too much pain to stand & make a cup of tea then do NOT say to me how easy it is to microwave a ready meal or make a sandwich rather than get a takeaway of something I’ve ordered before so dont have to think about.

There are days I feel like I am losing my mind meanwhile I’m getting my head bitten off because “its not hard to make a decision, there’s only 6 choices on the menu” because I cant comprehend whats being listed in front of me or read the instructions to prepare something.

Its bad enough I get comments about how long Im asleep for & what time I wake up when you know I have conditions that cause chronic fatigue & “jokes” about me spilling food/drinks down myself when I struggle with my hands cuz they swell & sometimes I’m so tired/in pain just lifting a cup is exhausting. And lets not forget the reminders about how unwilling you “dont want to end up being {your} carer one day” cuz those just make me feel great (/s)

[rommahh]

Better

Word Count: 3.9K

Pairing: Buckybarnesxfem!reader

{This is for @metalbuckaroo's challenge. I had this brewing for a minute but college has got in a chokehold. I chose prompt #30 from the given prompt list. I hope y'all like this read. Love, R}

Bucky trailed behind Y/N as she ignored his calls. Her boots clicked loudly in the small hallway as she rushed towards their shared apartment. Her keys shook in her hand, body tense with anxiety and anger.

Bucky reached her at the door, his hands loosely gripping her arms. Y/N shoved the door open, her body snapping away from his. Y/N haphazardly throws her keys in the small bowl that sat on the hallway side table.

Her chest heaved with deep breaths as she tried to remain calm.

“Y/N please, what is going on? Why are you so mad?” Bucky questioned, slamming the door behind him as his own frustrations started to catch up with him.

“I'm going to bed.” Is all she said to him without even meeting his eyes. She was quick to enter her room and lock the door before he could say anymore. Bucky stood behind her door in confusion. His body still tingled with the lasting effects of the shots he took hours prior.

Sitting on your bed, Y/N finally released. Her shoulders dropped, her body hunching over itself as the tears started flowing.

Y/N had been looking for Bucky for what felt like hours. He was her ride back to the apartment and having been at this party for over four hours- she was exhausted. There was a twinge of disappointment that lingered in her caused by Bucky's disappearance. He invited her to this party tonight but quickly left her to her own devices the moment the both of them walked through the frat’s doors.

The house was mainly empty except for the few lingering bodies that were drunkenly wandering around. She climbed up the stairs that lead to a common room on the second floor. Y/N’s cute white go-go boots were tight on your feet, making her wince at every step. Fashion was a moment type thing, not a four hour long excursion.

Y/N heard a group of voices leading from the common room once you reached the top of the stairs. She listened out waiting to see if she could hear Bucky’s voice before walking through the doors of the common room.

“I don't know why you hang out with that girl Bucky.” Her ears perked at his name. Y/N almost walked through the door but she took a step back to listen to what they were saying.

“Yeah, shes fucking weird.” The group laughed. “I mean look at how she dressed tonight. She’s wearing a costume.”

Y/N looked down at her 80’s inspired dress with a frown. She thought she looked cute tonight, Bucky said she looked cute. She couldn't stop blushing after she heard his words.

“She’s a freak barnes. All she does is follow you around. Are you sure you guys aren't dating?” One of the boys asked with a chuckle. No one said her name yet but she knew they were talking about her. She could tell.

“Y/N’s not that bad. She just doesn't have any friends. I don't like her like that, not my type. She's got that weird anxiety thing.” Bucky's voice finally sounded out from the group. Y/N heart hurt hearing his words. Weird anxiety thing?

“Yeah, making her a freak. So you're just friends with her out of pity? Are you at least getting community service hours?” The group laughed again, Bucky's deep laugh standing out to Y/N.

“You have a lot of strength for a man who's not getting any ass from the girl he's keeping company with. Shes weird as fuck but her body is still bangin. Have you ever copped a feel of her tits? I would hang out with the loser if I got to fuck her too.” Someone commented. Y/N felt bile rise in her throat. She could feel a panic attack approaching having heard the sexual comments about her body. She stepped out from around the wall into the common room. All eyes snapped up to her, some eyes widening in shock. Bucky just looked up, not catching on that his roommate may have heard the horrid words said about her.

“I-im ready to go home, Bucky.” She hadn't looked up from where her feet were rooted on the stained wood floors. Bucky slowly wobbled up from his seat. The rest of the guys watching quietly, some snickering at Bucky's submissiveness.

“Here sweets, you're gonna have to drive.” Bucky says handing his keys over to Y/N. Without looking at him, she snatches the keys from his hands and quickly retreats to his car. Bucky stumbles behind her confused by her attitude.

Y/N walked to Bucky’s car, arms covering whatever they could cover on her body. Her mind telling her she was unsafe, her anxiety telling her even worse things.

Bucky eyes burned from the headache he had. He felt physically ill as he woke up from the living room couch. Last night's activities blur in his mind, no clear memories presenting themselves. He sits up to rest his forearms on his knees trying to calm his bubbling stomach.

The first thing he notices as he comes to his senses is the lack of Y/N’s noise. Normally the small apartment would be filled with the sounds of her sunday playlist as she cleans about. He also doesn't smell her extra dark and strong coffee that she only makes for sundays. He doesnt smell her out of the can cinnamon rolls either that she would normally wake him up with on a small tray with said coffee.

He finds it odd that her presence is lacking in the apartment. Standing, he makes his way over to her room knocking on it slightly. He hears shuffling from the other side but no one comes to open the door.

“Hey sweets, everything ok?” He knocks again to gain her attention.

“I-Im fine Bucky, please go away.” She stutters out to Bucky. Bucky is shocked by her statement not used to being pushed away by her.

“Oh ok, just let me know if you need anything.” He says quietly.

Y/N remained the same way over the next few days. She rarely came out of her room when she was in the apartment leaving Bucky on his own. She stopped making him meals out of kindness or filling up his canisters of water for workouts. She stopped baking him treats as midday pick me ups. She didnt wait for him to get out of classes so they could gossip about what was going on on campus. She didnt bother him at all.

Bucky felt uneasy about Y/N’s silence. He was hurt by her sudden disappearance. Hurt that she could just ghost him without any reason. But there was a reason, Bucky just didnt remember.

Y/N sluggishly walked into the apartment after taking an extensive exam in one of her classes. She tried to walk quietly throughout the apartment to not catch the attention of Bucky. She walks softly on her feet close to the opening of the kitchen.

“Hey.” A quiet voice makes Y/N jump in her spot. Her mission of going unnoticed failed. Bucky leans against the kitchen counter that is parallel to the opening of the kitchen. His feet are crossed in front of him, hands holding a cup of tea.

“Hi.” Her tone matches his. She turns her body to face his, hands fidgeting with each other. She slightly moved from foot to foot, a trait that had been acquired out of nerves. Bucky recognized her tic, his heart constricting at the thought that he might have done something to cause it.

“Y/N, please, what's going on?” Bucky can see that she's not wearing one of her normal outfits that are adorned in bright colors and fun patterns. Instead, her body is covered in a boring sweater that hides most of her body. She wears a large pair of jeans underneath, a belt tightly bounding it to her body.

“Nothing Bucky.” She dismisses. Bucky feels his anger peak. A range of emotion he tried to hide away breaching over its point. He missed his best friend beyond belief and all she could give was a few words.

“It's not nothing Y/N!” He snaps slamming his mug of tea on the counter. Y/N flinches at the sound. Her hands start to shake, not out of fear of Bucky but from unwarranted anxiousness. “I've given you your space but its killing me. I miss you Y/N. I dont get what happened?”

Y/N feels her eyes well up with tears.

“You hurt me Bucky.” It was Bucky’s turn to flinch hearing her words. He hurt her?

“I don't know what I did though.” His voice sounded childlike as he whined.

“At the party, you let your friends talk poorly about me. You-you let them call me a freak and-and weird. They made fun of my clothes and said you were hanging out with me out of pity and you just sat there and laughed James!” Her voice rose with every word. Bits and pieces of that night float around in his head. He can slightly remember the conversation but nothing is clearly showing in his head.

“I'm sorry they said that Y/N but you know that's not true. We both know our relationship, I don't know why you're letting them get to you.”

“They talked about my anxiety. You talked about my anxiety!”

“That's it? That's why you're not talking to me?” He exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.

“You let them sexualize me!” The kitchen filled with an uncomfortable silence. Bucky’s exterior softened.

“What?” His tone was drastically softer than it was earlier.

“You just sat and listened to them as they talked about my body. They talked about my boobs and if youve had sex with me and you said nothing. They said that they would hang with the loser if they could fuck me...How could you let them say that about me?” Y/N whimpered. Her hands cradled her face as she sobbed. Bucky saw the way her chest heaved with each sob, tears forming in his own eyes.

“I didn't know. I wouldn't have let them say those things sober. You have to know that.” He almost fell to his knees pleading for her forgiveness.

“You even said you wouldn't date me. I know its stupid but I thought you liked me back. You told me you loved me. You've taken me out on dates. You've kissed me for goodness sake!”

“I know and I'm sorry. I do like you, I don't know why I said that. I like you so much.” His knees buckled slightly but he held his ground.

“Obviously you dont Bucky. We should just stay away from each other from now on and I won't be renewing my leasing contract at the end of the semester.” She finalizes. Buckys whispers a small no in protest. “You really hurt me, Bucky. I would never let anyone slander you. I respect you too much to allow for someone else to disrespect you.”

With that being said, she gave Bucky one last look over before walking away. Bucky was knocked out of his thoughts at the sound of her door slamming shut and the lock being secured.

Bucky sat on the kitchen floor, the cold tile seeping through his pants to chill his legs. His face adorned with a frown, tears sliding down his warm cheeks. Y/N was his best friend and he ruined it by being a shitty person. He knows he should have defended her, defended their relationship.

Bucky’s rolly chair was his only source of entertainment at his desk in the lobby of the admissions office. Today was a slow day. There were only a few students who came in asking for help finding buildings or looking for the financial aid office. Some high school student came in for tours but his coworkers beat him to doing tours so here he was stuck in the quiet office. He had already stolen a large amount of guest snacks, a cold bottle of tea and a sugar cookie with the school's logo on it.

His chair spinning activities came to a halt when he heard the front door open with a small jingle sounding from it. He took a moment to let the dizziness fade away before he looked up. Bucky felt his breath stop in his throat.

There stood a girl with overalls and a bright colored top. She wore dark green converse, high tops, with frilly socks that peeked from the top. She had large glasses that framed her face perfectly. She was looking around the office, eyes wide with wonder. Her eyes finally met Bucky's, making a large smile appear on her face.

“Hi!” She exclaimed walking up to Bucky’s desk.

“Hey, what can I help you with today?” Bucky asked cooly.

“I just transferred here and I was wondering if you knew where I could apply for on campus jobs?” She placed her hands on top of the counter of Bucky’s desk. He admired her baby blue acrylics that had white flowers on them.

“Oh um, the admissions office is hiring. We do all of the tours for highschool students, or package and mail acceptance letters. Sometimes we plan scholarship events. It's an easy pay type of job. I just sit here and do homework my whole shift.” Bucky answers. “What's your name so I can get my boss to contact you?”

“Y/N Y/L/N.” Bucky quickly scribbled your name on a post it note and stuck it to his laptop as a reminder. “Do you really like this job or are you just trying to pull me in?” She jests with a small smile on her face.

“I mean it's a decent job but im sure with you working here it would make it ten times prettier.” Bucky smirked at the giggle that escaped Y/N. He wasn't normally a flirt but he couldn't help himself with this one.

“Oh really? How many times have you said that line to a girl?” Bucky put a hand to his chest in a fake offense.

“You think too low of me Y/N. I saved that one for the prettiest girl to walk through the door.”

“Hmm, ok. I'll believe it only because my ego needs this boost. Hey, you never told me your name. How am I supposed to write about this encounter in my journal if I don't have your name?”

“My name is James but I prefer if people just call me Bucky. Short for Buchanon, I know it's weird.” Bucky leans back in his chair, arms crossed. He can see her eyes checking out the way his muscles flex underneath his long sleeve shirt. He may have purposefully flexed a little extra for show.

“No, I love it. I dont think ive ever met a Bucky.” She counters. She leans forward, placing her elbows on the counter, her chest pressed against the front of the counter.

“Well I'm glad I'm your first Bucky.” He jokes with a small smile on his face. There was a small moment of silence shared between the two as they just looked at each other. Bucky couldn't help but think about how cute she was as Y/N thought the same thing.

“Oh gosh, I'm probably holding you up from your work.” She snaps out of her little spell rolling her eyes at herself. “I should get going.”

Bucky frowned at the idea of her leave, wanting nothing more than to continue talking to the new girl.

“Right, of course. Maybe I could get your number...so I can notify you about the job.” Bucky proposes. Y/N raises one eyebrow in question, a knowing smile placed on her lips.

“Sure thing bucky.” He hands her a pen and post it for her number. “I wouldn't be opposed to you using this number for things other than work too.” She suggested. She signed her name on the post it note ending it with a small heart.

“I will definitely take you up on that offer. No take backs though when I start sending you random shit.” She giggled, leaning up from her spot. Bucky basked at the sweet sound. He stood up to meet her on the other side of the desk.

“Well Bucky, it was lovely to meet you.” She stuck her hand out for him to shake, he reciprocated the action. Her hands were soft and warm, he thought. She gave him one last smile before walking away.

It was warm outside on the quad as Bucky sat by himself. He sat at the table that would normally be occupied by Y/N and him. Y/N would bring lunch- made by her. Anytime Bucky would try to help her by making lunch she would kick him out of the kitchen. Today, Bucky sat by himself, with no hand made lunch. He had a greasy bag of french fries and a large coke. He planned on eating his sorrows away.

“Hey Bucky!” A voice yelled out to him. Looking up from his fries, Bucky looked towards the sound that broke him out of his fries excursion. Tanner and Logan, his friends from the party, came walking over to him. They both sat down, throwing their lunch onto the table.

“Where's Ms. weirdo?” Tanner asks, mouth full of food. Bucky grimaced at Tanner's manners. He also felt the anger he should have felt on Saturday bloom in his chest.

“She's not weird.” Bucky snapped, fists tightening in his lap. Tanner scoffed, Logan laughing along with him.

“Says you. She is fucking weird. Did you finally get some from her or something? Defending her and shit.” Logan clapped Tanner on his back agreeing with him. “Shit, good for you dude. I would have fucked her a while ago. Probably would have kept her face down so I wouldn't have to see her-”

Before Tanner could finish his sentence, he was thrown from his seat from the powerful punch being landed on his jaw. His feet flew from where he was sitting, landing on his back with a heavy thud.

“Dude what the fuck?” Tanner stood wiping his face from the blood that started to trickle down from his bloody eyebrow. Bucky had never felt anger like this before. His heart was racing, his breathing labored. His cheeks were red and warm, eyebrows turned down.

“No, you don't get to make fun of her and make sexual comments about her.” Bucky snarled. Tanner rolled his eyes, walking closer to Bucky.

“Oh fuck off with that! You didn't defend her this hard on saturday.” Tanner's mistake after his words was shoving Bucky's shoulders back. Bucky reacted quickly by shoving Tanner with even more force.

Tanner threw a punch to Bucky’s jaw, making his head fly back. Bucky tackled Tanner to the ground, throwing punches left and right. Tanner fought back, hands flying landing punches wherever he could land them.

Logan was able to pull Bucky off of Tanner, warning the two that campus police would arrest them if they were caught. Both boys stared at each other fuming. Bucky snatched his trash and his backpack up, the scowl never leaving his face.

“If I ever see you looking or talking to Y/N, I will bash your face in.” Bucky growled.

Y/N felt better today. She found the strength to wear a cute outfit versus the oversized clothes she had been wearing prior out of fear. She didn't want anyone to look at her in any harmful way. She wanted to wear her cute outfits that were sometimes form fitting and short. She liked to wear her cute period pieces that had her own twist on them. She spent many years hating her body and the way she looked. She deserved to feel cute without thinking she is at fault for being sexualized and poorly treated.

She whipped out one of her favorite outfits today, loving the way it fit on her body making her feel confident. Sitting at the front desk of the admissions office, her feet propped up on the desk. Her shift was going by slowly, no one needing assistance this late in the day.

The door burst open making Y/N jump from her seat. She stood up shocked to see Bucky walk in with a huff. He wasn't supposed to work today but here he was. Y/N gasped looking at his cut lip and bruising eye.

“Bucky, what happened?” She maneuvered her way around the desk to stand in front of the beat up boy. She placed both of her hands on his cheeks to examine his injuries. He moved his face away from her tears brimming his eyes.

“I'm sorry Y/N. I'm really sorry. I should have protected you from them. I should've told them not to speak about you that way. You are more than some eye candy for men to act disgusting towards. You are beautiful and eclectic. You have a brilliant mind that shines brighter than anyone elses on this campus.” He spoke to her softly.

“I don't understand Bucky. What made you have this change of heart? You didn't give two shits about me last weekend.” She crossed her arms defensively.

“I know and I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe it was the alcohol but that's no excuse. I love you. I love all of you. You're not weird. You're your own person and I love everything about you. You do so much for me and I feel like shit for not doing the bare minimum for you.” His words stunned her.

“You love me?”

“God, with everything I have. Since the day you walked in here with those overalls. I've spent the past four years loving you.” Bucky whispered. He grabbed her hand, thumb rubbing over her knuckles.

“I love you too, Bucky.  I really do and I'm hurt. I don't think the hurt will go away for some time. You let them speak horribly about me. If you loved me like I was your girl, you would have defended me.” She spoke sorrowfully.

“I know, I know. I can't change the fact that I did nothing but I can tell you that I'm sorry. I'm always going to protect you. I did today. Tanner may be sporting a nasty goose egg on his eye because of his dumbass words.” Y/N giggled softly, touching his bruising knuckles.

“Thank you, Bucky.”

“I want to go back to normal. I miss you in the mornings and-and during our lunch breaks outside. I miss you.” Bucky stated.

“I miss you too.”

Bucky watched her eyes drop down to his lip, busted and all. He leaned forward slightly hoping she would meet him in the middle. She met him the rest of the way pressing her lips to his. Bucky relished this moment. He relished to be even sharing  moments with the girl he's been in love with since the second he saw her.

“I'm gonna be better, I promise.”

[ji-yaaan]

Jessamine-rose asked:

Ohh hiiii!! I really loved your leona fic, it was so soft!! X3 may i request idia and jamil seeing their short mc wearing their hoodies?? Headcanon or one-shot whatwver you are more comfortable with!! I would like to request a but of spice as well if you dont mind.

𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐇𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐬♡

Headcanons with: Idia, Jamil, Kalim, Jack

Note: Yo this idea is so cute I'm melting as I write this- this scenario is just wholesome and I won't forgive myself if I sully this wholesomeness... Oh but Jamil however- ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Oh btw I added in some characters I can imagine with this secnario lol. Ok on to the headcanons!

And yes... I reposted this cuz tumblr hates me and won't let me use the tags... I don't stay up til 5am for nothing bro-

°•°•°•°•°•𝑰𝒅𝒊𝒂 𝑺𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒅•°•°•°•°•

After 8 rounds of Mario kart Idia destroying you 8 times lol cuddled up in the blankets as the both of you crush your consoles attempting to win a round.

It's getting pretty late, but game time is holy for the both of you, so both of you gotta make time to schedule the most awaited activity of the day! GAME TIME~

But after a long day of brain damage at school *cough braincell squad cough* anyone is bound to get exhausted. Taking a break from the game, Idia takes off his jacket and nyooms away to the kitchen to get some chips and soda for you two.

"Potato chips? check~ Soda? check~" Idia smiles as he excitedly makes his way into his room to crush you at the game again.

Oh my what's this? He found a rare treasure lying in his room!!! Quick! What does he do now??? OH MY GOD! You were sleeping... BUT YOU WERE WEARING HIS HOODIE! What is this cuteness? What is this ultra uwu energy? What is this fluff doing here? That's it! Idia has now died of uwu. Respawn later...

While Idia was holding his bags of chips and cola, he can't help but blush at how cute you were! You looks sooooo smol in his jacket- congrats you stole Idia's heart.♡♡♡

I'd say Idia's greatest weakness is cute stuff and small things. So you looking so smol in his jackets is just going to give him heart combulsions.

Idia will probably crouch in the floor to stare at your sleeping face. He'd sit right next to you and stare at you for a while. "Hehe..." Linking his arms with yours as he playfully pokes your cheeks.

He'd rest his head on your shoulder still blushy wushy cuz you're just sooo adorbs♡ "Games can wait for tommorow.."

•°•°•°•°•°•𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒍 𝑽𝒊𝒑𝒆𝒓•°•°•°•°•°

Like the usual, the Scarabia dorms is up for a party 24/7 because of the happy go lucky kalim. Jamil is still pissed like the usual too...

While kalim was performing his thing entertaining the guest... A wild Jamil appeared! Care to send love??? Jamil makes his way to you, so he can finally chill and recharge from chaos with a powerhug. But as he was just inches away from from you... Dammit someone just have to ruin his moment.

"WAHHHH! Y/N! OH NO I'M SO SORRY!" Some idiots just have to ruin his time with you... Drinks spilt in your top, leaking wet from the juice that spilt on you.

Jamil will just sigh and volunteer to take care of another problem yet again, just like the usual. BUT! Before he takes care of those stuff PRIORITY FIRST! You need to be taken care of first ;>

Jamil will drag you in an empty room to change... now all thats left is to change in clean and dry clothes- Wait....Wow just the luck you both have... No one got spare clothes... what now?

Of course Jamil will offer his hoodie! He can't have you walking around uncomfortable in damp clothing!

When you walk out of the room... Cute... What is this cute creature? Since you are small and short, Jamil's hoodie is oversized on you. The sleeves go way past your fingers, and the big jacket makes you look even smaller in general.

Jamil's having a lowkey midlife crisis inside his head, but gotta keep looking chill and cool, so he just settles with a pinch on the cheek.

HOWEVER! When you go back to the party in the banquet halls. Everyone seeing you will comment how tinier you look like in a big hoodie. Everyone is just going ballistic with the smol and cute comments. Jamil is not happy about this.

As people are making cute comments about you. You'll just blush and freeze on the spot. BUT JAMIL HOWEVER... SNEK BOI IS BURNING WITH RAGE AND JEALOUSY... I mean... That's his hoodie you were wearing. Are they blind? Should he hypnotize people to do stupid things later?

After the party... Oho ಠ ͜ʖ ಠ with Jamil going jealous a little while ago... He'll hug you tighter this time, his chin resting in your head. "Don't look cute in front of other people... I'm the only one you're allowed to look cute for."

Expect markings here and there in the morning... Take this sentence however you like...

•°•°•°•°•𝑲𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒎 𝑨𝒍 𝑨𝒔𝒊𝒎•°•°•°•°•

Midnight trip in the clouds with your local sunshine boi! Riding the magic carpet with kalim is one of the most magical experience! Moonbathing with the stars WHILE YOU SIT BESIDE A LITERAL STAR LIKE KALIM TOO! as kalim cheerfully tells fun stories while laughing.

But of course the night today was kinda chilly and cold but you forgot to bring your sweater with you... Dammit it was really cold today. But somehow seeing kalim smile warms you up! I can't blame you though-.

When a really cold wind blew past the two of you... THAT'S IT! IT WAS REALLY COLD TODAY! You shivered while you held unto your arms and shoulders in attempts to keep yourself warm.

Of course Kalim notices this and offers his cardigan in uwu style! "Oh? Y/n are you cold? Oh! If you want, you can use my cardigan! Hehe..." Kalim brightly smiles like the usual. A blinding smile to keep the sleep paralysis demons away.

Frankly, Kalim is not that big, but his jacket still drooped on you which was very cute in Kalim's eyes!

"Y/n you look so small~ how cute!!" Kalim just casually blurts out, no embarrassment or whatsoever...

Of course it's a bit embarrassing for you at first, but Kalim's too pure and innocent for this world, so it's mainly just rainbows and sunshine being with him.

While the both of you are up in the air, maybe he'll offer a hug too if you're still cold. ಠ ͜ʖ ಠ it wouldn't be a sin to decline right?

•°•°•°•°•°•𝑱𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝑯𝒐𝒘𝒍•°•°•°•°•°•

As the both of you are walking home, casually strolling in the roads that leads to the ramshackle dorm, this night was especially chilly.

The cold breeze was not cooperating this time as it continues to blow past the two of you. "Brrrr" this was cold... this was really cold... It was stupid not to bring your jacket with you when it's autumn near winter...

Jack was not blind to not see you shivering from the cold! Because jack is a good boye, he'll lend you his Jacket!!!

Seeing you look so smol in his jacket just melts his heart away. It literally looks like a blanket on you with how big it was. I MEAN THIS BOY IS LITERALLY WHOOPING 192CM TALL! GIVE ME UR HEIGHT

He'll just stare at you for minutes while you take walks, if you look close enough, you see his tail wagging and his ear perking up... Maybe a little blush too if you really look close ಠ◡ಠ

But a jacket can only do so much... Even if it was big and warm, your hands were somehow still cold seeing as you rub them every few minutes...

Good boye Jack offers to hold your hands!!! Would you like to accept this kind offer? ∆Yes ✓Yes!

When Jack holds your hands, JACK WAS A HEATER ALL ALONG? Big warm hands.... How comfortable... ;v;

Maybe along the way, he'll put your tiny hands in his pocket too... Who knows... But what you know is that you don't want to go home yet. Can the both of you extend this hand holding session?

Bruh...... tumblr won’t let me use the tags and properly post this... sigh.......

That's about it! I added Kalim and Jack to quench my thirst! And indulge in personal interests Again.. thankz for the request! And I hope you enjoyed this! ಠωಠ sending love before you read the next post under this♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ 

[arumin-arureruto]

Honeytea PT 2

Kyoya x fem reader and Hikaru x fem reader, Kyoya angst, Hikaru slowburn.

Warnings: none

word count: 1.7k

songs to listen to while reading:

What Am I by Why Dont We

Greek God by Conan Gray

hikaru’s outfit:

Reader’s outfit (your outfit can be whatever you want this is just what I had in mind while writing <3):

Cafe Hikaru and reader are at:

you woke up with the sun shining on your eyes, reaching out to feel the spot where your husband had been sleeping cold and empty, he had already left for work. Last night was emotionally exhausting, you had a fight with Kyoya and called Hikaru while your emotions were running high, even though you woke up feeling calmer it would still be nice to see him. You decided to get up and check your phone to see if you were still on for today, there were 6 unread messages from Hikaru.

“checking if ur okay”

“meet me tomorrow at 12pm for lunch at that cafe near my house, the one Honey got banned from”

“btw how the fuck do you manage to get banned from a restaurant for eating too much cake”

*picture of a single spoon inside a sink* “lol me”

“I should probably go to bed now goodnight”

He hasn’t changed a bit since high school, that’s what was so comforting to you about Hikaru. He took you back to a time where everything was much more simpler, lazy afternoons on the grass with the host club, drinking tea by the window in music room 3 with Kyoya, study sessions with Mori and Honey, getting into all sorts of mischief with Hikaru and Kauro, quietly reading with Haruhi, piano lessons from Tamaki…

All those memories started playing back in your mind and you started to feel all warm inside, you really didn’t know how good you had it. It’s not that you weren’t happy, you were married to the man you loved, you were one of the most respected and powerful women in society, what else could you ask for? But sometimes it felt like you were missing out on something, like your world could be so much more. When you mentioned this to Kyoya a couple months ago he suggested you try for children but you quickly shot down the idea, you were 23 and he was 24, having kids right now would be too big of a responsibility.

Shaking those thoughts from your head you checked the time on your phone, 10am. You still had 2hours before you had to meet Hikaru so going back to sleep was a tempting offer, but considering the cafe was almost 30 minutes away and you got easily distracted while getting ready it would be wiser to start picking out some clothes and getting in the shower. There was about 45 minutes before a maid was supposed to come in and clean your room so you figured that should be enough time to take a quick shower, you could just ask them to wait till you were done but you always felt awkward doing so.

After zoning out for a minute you headed for the shower, got undressed, put your hair up and turned on the hot water, you already washed your hair yesterday so there was no point in washing it again. You had always loved showers, the feeling of the warm water on your skin, the sound of the water dripping on the floor and the smell of all your products were enough to wash all your problems away. After about 25 minutes in the shower you turned the water off and stepped out, already missing the warmth of the water. After quickly drying yourself off with a towel you started massaging some lotion into your skin, first your arms and then your legs, this was your favorite part of your routine. When you felt that you had enough lotion on already you put on a robe, walked out of the bathroom and towards your walk in closet. It was september so the weather was still warm, today would be a simple dress day, or as simple as you could. Downside of being married to Kyoya Ootori: having to keep up appearances ALWAYS. After picking out a dress it was time for shoes, you gravitated towards a gorgeous pair of open toed gold heels that would’ve gone really well with your dress, but your legs were still slightly sore from last night so sandals it is.

After scrutinizing every part of your outfit and make up, which in the end you decided to go with a simple eyeliner, mascara and gloss, it was already 11:15. You grabbed your purse and asked someone to bring the car around. You hurriedly walked down the large staircase, excitement clear in your step, you got inside the car and gave a quick hello to the driver.

“Good morning Mrs Ootori, where to?”

“Morning Ryuzaki, Honeytea Cafe.”

“Understood ma’am.”

After giving your instructions you  pressed the button to lift the divider between the driver and the backseat, needing to be alone. You hadn’t seen Hikaru in person since your wedding reception, you talked on the phone occasionally but always for less than 2 minutes, this was the first time in months you would be in the same room again. Was it gonna be awkward? I mean you did call him yesterday late at night crying so what if he thought you were weird? No, no, this was Hikaru, your best friend since your first year of high school, everything was gonna be fine.

The 30 minute ride felt like it went by in less than 15, After getting to the cafe you told Ryuzaki to go back home and that you would call when you were done, since you didn’t know how long you would take. 11: 52pm, 8 minutes till you were supposed to meet Hikaru, meaning you had 8 minutes to get your act together.

You stepped into the cafe and scanned the place, 6 years and nothing had changed. Still the same old tall bookshelves lined the walls. The same paintings on the walls, and just like you remembered, peace and quiet. Since the cafe was a bit old fashioned it tended to attract an older crowd, old people just trying to enjoy their coffee and adults in their 30s that wanted a quiet place to work. While you continued to examine the room, lost in your own world, you felt a pair of slender hands on your shoulders and heard a familiar voice coming from behind you.

“Taking a trip down memory lane while blocking the way huh? Honestly y/n I thought commoners taught their children better manners.”

At first you were startled but then you quickly turned around to face the voice and there he was. Tall, mischievous smile and wild hair, Hikaru Hitachiin in the flesh. “Hikaru I-” you hugged him before you could even finish your sentence. You stood there with your arms wrapped around his neck in silence for a couple more seconds.

“y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re still blocking the way.”

Oh right.

Behind you 2 old ladies stood with unpleasant expressions on their faces, you both moved out of the way to let the ladies through, they walked past you and muttered something about today’s youth having no respect for their elders. You stood there slightly embarrassed, heat rising to your cheeks while Hikaru looked like he might burst out laughing.

You decide to grab a table at the very back of the cafe, away from everyone else. After you sit down Hikaru strikes a conversation. “Haven’t seen you in a year y/n, how’s married life been treating you?” He propped up his elbow and leaned his head on his hand, keeping his eyes focused on you.

Damn so we’re already on that topic.

“We’ve had our ups and downs, what about you? How are you and Kaoru doing?” Hopefully he won't bring up your phone call from yesterday. “We’re doing pretty good, Kaoru actually started seeing someone a couple months ago. Cute boy he met at an art gallery.” You could hear the tiniest hint of jealousy in the last part, but overall Hikaru sounded happy for his brother. “Oh he did? That’s cool” you stay silent for a couple seconds before proceeding with what you were saying. “And how do you feel about Kaoru seeing someone?” Hikaru’s eyes shifted from you to the table and kept them focused there. “In the beginning it was weird, I hated the idea of having to share him with someone else but now, I see how happy he is with Evan and that’s all that matters to me.” He looked up from the table to look at you and smile, then he spoke again but this time in a more playful tone. “So are we eating or what? Man were you seriously gonna let me starve? Typical Ootori.” That comment made you laugh, you really did miss him.

You both ordered and paid separately, since you knew you would argue over who would pay the bill. After you both received your food you sat down to eat, while you ate you reminisced about the past and talked about all the trouble you used to get into back in the day.

“No no, you were the one that tricked Tamaki into dressing up as Haruhi to fool the doctors during the physical exam that one time.” He laughed and pointed at you with a piece of bread. “Whaaaaat? Me? I would never, I was just an innocent bystander” you defended yourself while also laughing, then you remembered something. “No but for real that one wasn’t my idea, actually Kyoya came up with it.” Hikaru stopped laughing but still had a smile on his face, he then asked you a question.

“So Kyoya…” There was a pause before he spoke again.

“You mentioned you have your ups and downs, I’m guessing yesterday was a down?”

The food that was in your throat had trouble going down, you tried to quickly swallow and answer Hikaru’s question. “Yesterday was definitely not one of our best days” You let out a nervous laugh. Before you could elaborate a middle aged man came up to your table and asked if he could borrow one of your chairs for his daughter, seeing that you were both already finished with your food you told him he could have the chairs and got up to leave.

As you were walking out of the coffee shop Hikaru tapped your shoulder.

“Hey my house is just a 5 minute drive from here, we could go there if you wanna talk more in private.”

[leafcabbage]

hi hello very cool tumblr user leafcabbage. i sent an ask a few days ago abt starting your fic i dont remember if i was on anon but if i was then thats me!

anyways bc i'm clinically insane i finished binge reading ycssgwtlfs this afternoon and haven't been able to stop thinking about it actually!! sometimes the it gets worse before it gets better trope isn't my cuppa but you definitely made it work so well if not for the SHEER amount of hurt no comfort liiiiikeeeee omg omg omg omg that series of chapters where ranboo was just slowly losing their grip was just so exhausting to read (shals pos so slash pos!! i mean that like it very deeply emotionally affected me!!) and i am so here for it because it made the comfort at the end so so worth it. very excited to continue w the next parts :D

i also loved the little moments scattered throughout. i want to see so much more of techno and wilbur's relationship because that is really fascinating to me. i could read a whole other fic about that actually they have a great dynamic also bc we saw both their biggest flaws come to the forefront when trying to help ranboo. its just interesting. and!!!!! woah?! whats up with big q and techno?!! intrigue moment!!!!

and even though dream was a piece of shit (btw you wrote the gaslighting SO WELL that is exactly what it feels like. i was genuinely nervous everytime i read his name because we don't know whether ranboo was gonna get manipulated until he started talking. i thought it was a great detail that dream's mood was always the first thing we learned in every scene's narration because ranboo had to walk on eggshells with him. GOOD SHIT!!!! GOOD SHIT!!!!!!!!!) i rlly hope he gets out of that clearly toxic family eventually. how dare you make me empathize with him >:[

and purpled my beloved...... idk i just liked his and ranboo's dynamic. it was cute and i really liked seeing him and punz at the end. he is in the bathroom a lot. hope the guy is doin okay. i took that uquiz you made bfore i started reading the fic and i got him, so i am just attached ig oopsies. also tubbo and tommy's roomie was such a good moment it was genuinely really wholesome and is like my new favorite long build up joke ever :D

(also ahhh sorry if its annoying that i'm sending this in ask form instead of just commenting, especially since its kinda long!!!!!! but my eyes hurt from staring at the ol screen, tumblr interface is just a lot less headachy lol, thanks for writing such a wonderful fic and i hope youre having an awesome day!)

ahh this made me so happy!!! dont worry about sending it in ask form, i love seeing the little blue dot that means i have an ask, its very exciting. this did genuinely jumpscare me (in a funny way), which sound so dumb but i open the ask box and saw a long ask and went "woah!!" and genuinely actually jumped. thought you might enjoy learning that.

long answer so

i really really work hard on making the hurt worth it for the comfort, and having enough time to have that comfort and recovery. i think it helps that im writing a full series so if something wasnt dealt with in ycssg, i have quite a few more fics to deal with it and create closure. but im glad it was worth it! and it got tiring for me writing those chapters to be honest, it draws out just a little long and that was on purpose. it doesnt end at the perfect time, like in an ideal world ranboo would have accepted help at thanksgiving and that would be the beginning of things getting better, but thats not how life works. ranboo did not willingly seek out help, and thats an important part of the story. they accepted help because they were convinced they were literally dying and didnt know what else to do. and then they were somewhat reliant on tommy and tubbo, and if that hadn't been the case things wouldn't have ended up where they were.

sorry im now just talking about my own fic, that was all to say thank you ajshdlfk

thank you with the relationship comment too! i really wanted to make it clear that everyone has a life outside of the bench trio too, so in my head they have semi fleshed out stories and lives. especially dream. theyre all real people (or as real as fake people can be) not just props

dream was such a complex character to write, and he continues to be, and i love writing him so fucking much. he's ranboo's antagonist but he isnt evil and inherently awful, he has his own life and his own problems (which doesnt make what he did to ranboo ok at all, but thats just to say that hes a person out side of it) and im glad the emotions in his scenes came through so clearly!

purpled has ibs thats canon and its because i have ibs and i thought it would be funny. love the guy, really. hes one of my favorite side characters. i love him and im glad you like him too he deserves to be liked. IM GLAD YOU LIKED THE ROOMIE i have this ongoing joke with myself that he was fridged but in like a moving out kind of way. he was uhauled. hes my favorite NPC <3

im glad you enjoyed ycssg so much!! and i hope you enjoy the next fics too!!! this ask made me smile very much so thank you for that!!

[gaming-universe]

Who We Are || Russell Adler

Call of Duty Black Ops: Cold War

-PART ONE-

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR CALL OF DUTY BLACK OPS: COLD WAR! IF YOU HAVEN’T PLAYED/FINISHED THE CAMPAIGN THEN PLEASE DONT READ! Gore, violence, course language, mature content.

Summary: Betrayed and alone after surviving the events that took place on the Solovetsky Islands, Y/n ‘Bell’ L/n faces new and more dangerous threats when she learns that Perseus has other plans for his failed nuclear detonation of Europe. It was only a matter of time before Y/n came face to face with her old team. There is unfinished business between Y/n and Adler, as this operation proves to be more deadly than originally thought.

Author’s Note: So, after finishing the campaign, I needed to do Bell/Player and Adler justice. I loved this game so much, and chosing to play as the female character, I felt like there was a genuine connection between Bell and Adler throughout the game. There is a tag list open for anyone that wishes to stay up to date with the series. Simply comment below. Gif by @travelllar​

The feeling of drowing was somethong terrifying.

Knowing that your body was completely spent, knowing that the ocean’s surface was just a swift stroke away...and that you couldn’t reach it, caused your chest to tighten out of fear. Or maybe, it was because of the lack of oxygen.

You could manage to see the tall cliff face through the jagged waves, where he no doubt still stood, waiting to see if you would resurface. But no, no one could survive a fall from that height, especially after taking a single and deadly shot to the chest.

Blood, your blood you soon realised, stained the water a haunting red as you were swept further out to sea. The waves crashing above, though muffled and far away, soothed you as if it were a sweet lullaby. A lullaby of your final moments. The harsh cold of the water finally began to set in. Icen hands seemed to wrap around your form, providing you with the small mercy of numbing the agonising pain that coursed through every fibre of your being. A small and last act of kindness to lure you into an eternal darkness.

Amongst the silence beneath the waves, you released an anguished muffled cry, breathing in water the moment you stopped. Your body convulsed involuntarily, as death itself reached out to claim you. Your vision began to fade, flashes of past memories appearing before your very eyes. Some of them you remembered, some of them you didn’t. Speaking to Hudson before going to Cuba, travelling with Arash to the airstrip, where he shot you because of your suspected betrayal.

Suspected betrayal?

Then you saw him. Adler. He stuck by your side, even after explaining what he had done to you. But now...now you were here.

 Your eyes closed, your lips parting in a silent breath as you allowed yourself to be consumed by the darkness, your built up anger suddenly vanishing and lifting from your shoulders.

Death’s embrace seemed a lot warmer than you would have imagined.

Slowly opening your eyes, you were met with a rundown wooden interior of what appeared to be an old fishing shack. There was a small fire in the corner, opposite from where you lay on a mattress on the floor. There was no one else in sight, leaving you feeling more anxious then ever.

Where were you? What...how did you get here?

Sitting bolt upright, you winced loudly. Though your vision swayed, you looked down to examine the wound in your chest, finding that the wound had been properly treated, wrapped in gauze and bandages to prevent infection. Wrapping yourself in the blanket provided, you shivered violently, jumping slightly as the door opened to reveal the form of an older man carrying a few heavy-looking logs of wood. When his eyes met your own, the old man smiled. “You’re awake...” He spoke kindly, his Russian accent almost obscuring his words “I was worried you wouldn’t”. You watched him warily as he placed the logs in a pile beside the fireplace, stoking the flames quickly before turning around to face you. “Where am I? How did I get here?”.

“I found you when I was out on my trawler four days ago, you were half dead when I pulled you aboard, heavily armed, cut to pieces with a bullet to the chest. I’m going to assume you were apart of that raid on that Soviet base?” He questioned, raising a knowing eyebrow in your direction. You froze, your heart thundering in your chest as you pressed your lips into a thin line. Images of the air raid flashed through your mind, getting caught up in the explosion and having...having him...

“And if I was?” “Then I owe you many thanks. Those soldiers have been terrorising this town for years. Destroying that base was the best thing to happen on this Island for a while”. You nodded slowly, grimacing slightly as you moved to make your shoulder more comfortable to eleviate the pain. Your gaze fell to the floor, as a wave of emotions consumed you. Anger, sadness, betrayal was the most prominent. You tried to stop the sting of tears from your eyes, which didn’t go unnoticed by the old man before you. He tilted his head to the side, moving to sit down on a small wooden stool beside you. “Something is troubling you, my dear...” He spoke softly, “what is it? But you may share in your own time if you like, but right now, you need some rest”. You nodded slowly again, allowing your tears to cascade down your cheeks. For the first time since Cuba, since Hudson’s team had admitted what they had done to you, after Adler had...had shot you, you cried.

Despite who you might have been with Perseus, who you might have been before the CIA messed with your mind, you were still human. You had been lied to by the people you thought you could trust, who turns out you had only been introduced to a few months ago. And Adler, for some reason his betrayal hurt the most. A man you thought you had known for the longest time, a man you thought you had served with, a man who had lied to you from the very beginning. We have a job to do.

That phrase left a bitter tast in your mouth, but just thinking about that phrase caused a series of fragmented memories to resurface.

A few days before leaving for the airfield with Arash, you sent out an encrypted message to the CIA, claiming that you were willing to cooperate with any questions they may have in exchange for asylum. Your plan was to hopefully make contact with the CIA taskforce that you were informed would be there. Unfortuately, Arash must have gotten wind of your movements.

Your sobbing suddenly stopped, your eyes widening in shock and sudden realisation. You had planned on defecting? Oh god, oh god. You were going to defect from Perseus and cooperated with the CIA. Then what had happened? If Adler’s team knew that you were planning to willingly aid them in their fight against Perseus, then why go through all that trouble of the MK-Ultra program? Why go through all that trouble to fuck with your mind, implant false memories, and lie and pretend as if nothing had ever happened?

From the corner of your eye, you watched as the old man approached, carefully extending a warm ceramic mug toward you. Steam rose from the warm beverage contained within, the old man smiling kindly. “It’s just tea, I used to make it for my son all of the time”. He moved back slightly as you gingerly took the mug from his hands. You thanked him with a silent nod of your head, sipping the tea lightly as the two of you sat in silence.

In a way, you were grateful the old man allowed you to take things in your own stride, that he didn’t ask the questions he so desperately wanted answers to. “I will leave you to sleep now. If you need anything, the house is just outside. If you get too cold, there is more firewood against the wall here” The old man instructed, before standing to his feet and making his way to the door of the shack. With a mumbled ‘goodnight’, the old man disappeared outside, closing the wooden door behind him with a loud ‘thunk’.

Sighing loudly, you placed the tea aside and carefully moved to lie back down, cursing under your breath as pain exploded through your chest. Your eyes focused on the roof above, as sleep finally began to take hold of your exhausted form. Dedcending into a dreamless sleep, you allowed yourself to relax for what felt like the first time in a long, long time.

Tag List: @pookolokon​

[vangoghmusings]

are you hiding too? part two | shoto todoroki x reader

summery: part two of “are you hiding too?” read part one here: ✿✿✿

college au + nsfw 

pairing: shoto todoroki x fem!reader

word count: >3,000

warnings: cussing, mention of drugs and alcohol, nsfw, oral, intercourse 

a/n: oh my goodness, i can’t believe you guys wanted a part two!! and with smut?! lord have mercy, i can’t believe i’m giving y’all permission to be horny on main smh...oh well >:) i had a really great time writing this and if you guys dont like it i might actually cry...hehe enjoy!! 

taglist: @mixfi​ @lilacskyura​ @brownmoonchild (comment or message me if you would like to be added)

After what seemed like ages of attempting to drag Mina and Ururaka to their shared dorm, you finally managed to put them into bed. You felt drained, the two of them were completely drunken toddlers. Except worse because they reeked of vomit and were far from cute. 

You walked took the stairs to your own dorm, sneaking in quietly. Tsu was asleep in her room, and you did your best to not wake her up. Your phone chimed, signaling you had failed. 

“Shit shit shit,” You whispered, quickly turning your phone on silent. You made your way into your room, closed the door behind you, and plopped onto your bed. You exhaled deeply, exhausted from your night before looking at who had texted you. 

unknown number: hey, y/n its shoto :-) 

You blinked and bit your lip, your cheeks heating up. You recalled the nights events. You had only just truly met Shoto, but the way he kissed you made it seem like you had known him for a lifetime. Before you could reply, you heard your name being shouted from your window. You hurried over to the window and peered your head out. On the sidewalk below stood the very drunk Denki Kaminari and a plastered Eijiro Kirishima. 

“Oh y/n, y/n, let down your hair!!” Kirishima sang, his words slurring together. 

“Nah man you gotta be like, HEY Y/N FLASH ME YOUR TITS!” Kaminari wailed, flinging his shirt in the air. 

You rolled your eyes, “Go to bed boys.” 

Their eyes widened seeing you look down at them. Kirishima cleared his throat. 

“Shall I compare thee to a summers day-” 

“CMON Y/N, LET US UP! WE’LL MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE,” Kaminari sang, thrusting his hips out in the air suggestively. 

You laughed and shut the window and closed your curtains. You hopped into the shower, washing off the smell of weed, alcohol, and Mina’s vomit. You got into your pajamas and crawled into bed. You remembered the text from Shoto and eagerly grabbed your phone, replying quickly. 

you: hi shoto, did the party die down? 

shoto: yes, thank goodness. did you get home safely? 

you: yes :) thank u,, hows whiskers? 

shoto: he left me for koda :-( 

you: oh you poor thing!

shoto: i know what would make me feel better though...

you: hm? whats that 

shoto: can we go on that date sooner? like, sunday? 

you: sounds perfect :)

It was Friday going into Saturday. You almost wished he’d ask to see you tomorrow, but that must’ve seemed too eager. Another text came in as you looked back to the screen. 

shoto: great :-) i’m beat so im gonna go catch some zzz, good night 

you: good night shoto 

You felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest. You barely knew him but everything just felt so normal. 

Before you knew it your eyes fluttered shut and you were sound asleep. 

✿ 

You were woken up, quite harshly by Mina and Ururaka screaming in your face. Mina shook your shoulders, your head wobbling around. 

“Okay okay!” You groaned, pushing Mina off of you. 

“IS IT TRUE?!” She shouted. You rubbed your eyes, irritated from the rude awakening. 

“How the hell did you guys even get in here?” 

“Tsu let us in,” Ururaka chimed in. 

“Sorry!” Tsu yelled from out in the living room, causing you to sigh. 

“Stop dodging the question!” MIna said, gripping your shoulders once again. You slapped her hands off. 

“What question?” You glared. 

“That you made out with THE Shoto Todoroki!” 

You blinked. 

“ARE YOU SERIOUS MINA YOU WOKE ME UP TO ASK ME THAT?! YOU WERE THERE!” 

Ururaka squeaked at your sudden outburst, pulling Mina away. 

“Thats what I told her! She couldn’t remember,” She said, Mina pouting. 

“Just how drunk were you last night?” You question, Mina turning away in shame. 

“Enough to forget that you made out with Shoto,” She grumbled. 

You chuckled and got out of your bed stretching. 

“Mmm, well, yeah. And we’re going out on Sunday.” 

Their jaws dropped. 

“SUNDAY?!” 

You cringed at their shouting. Ururaka began spilling out a bunch of dating advice while Mina kept begging you to tell her all the details in case you got the opportunity to “give him the ol’ razzle dazzle” as she put it. 

“Hey I made waffles! Get them while they’re hot!” Tsu yelled. The three of you looked at each other before running into the the kitchen, sitting down at the table, and proceeding to stuff your faces. 

“So, Todoroki huh?” Tsu said, sitting down beside you. You blushed and nodded, cheeks full of waffle. 

✿ 

You anxiously pressed your hands on your skirt. Shoto was supposedly 10 minutes away and you had no clue to where he was taking you. You stared at your self in the mirror. You donned your most confident inducing outfit, a mini skirt and lace trimmed top. You took a deep breath before reaching down to slip your sneakers on. There was a knock on the door and you shot right up. You ran to the door and inhaled deeply as you opened the door. 

“Shoto- What are you doing here?” 

Standing infront of you was Mina and Ururaka, pure excitement in their eyes. 

“We came to see you get ready-”

“We wanted to make sure you wouldn’t make a fool of yourself,” Mina said cutting the brunette off. 

You rolled your eyes and let them inside. 

“He’s supposed to be here soon,” You said, the nerves bubbling up once again. 

“You’ve got this y/n!” Ururaka cheered, giving you a tight squeeze. Mina made her way to the fridge, shuffling around and grabbing a day old breadstick from a pizza box. You tilted your head at her. 

“What are you doing? Those are mine!” 

“You can’t possibly think I’m going home when you’re going out with him. I need to be here for when you get back so you can tell me every juicy detail,” Mina scoffed, punctuating the sentence with the last few words. 

You huffed and nodded, your eyes widening as a knock was heard at the door. 

“OH MY GOD!” Ururaka mouthed, waving her hands in the air frantically. 

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT HE’S HERE HE’S FUCKING HERE,” Mina mouthed, jumping up and down, the breadstick flopping between her teeth. 

You opened the door, relieved to see the real Shoto standing there. You smiled up and him, praying he couldn’t see how nervous you were. 

“Hey,” You said breathlessly. Shoto looked, stunning. You thought he looked beautiful in the dim yellow lighting of the room at the party, you were proven wrong. He wore slim trousers and a gray button up, open at his collarbones. 

Shoto’s eyes seemed to replicate the same thoughts. 

“H-hey,” He said, nerves edging his voice. He tried his best to not make it too obvious that his eyes were raking you up and down. 

You closed the door, Mina and Ururaka giving you energized thumbs up. 

“Sorry about that,” You blushed, walking at his side.”They were excited to see you take me out.” 

“I don’t blame them, I’m excited to take you out too,” He smiled sweetly. 

You punched his shoulder playfully, “Don’t be so cheesy.” 

He chuckled, making his way to his car and opening the passenger door for you. You stepped inside, looking around. You inhaled, his car smelled just like him. 

He sat down in the drivers seat and buckled himself in, you doing the same. 

“So, you never told me where you’re taking me.” 

“Oh?” He smirked. “I know.” 

“I hope this isn’t a plot to murder me.” 

“Oh no, nothing like that,” He laughed, turning on the ignition and beginning to drive.  

You arrived at what you believed to be an art museum. He hopped out of the car and ran to open the door for you. You beamed up at him as he took your hand, walking inside. 

“Reservation for Todoroki,” Shoto stated to the security guard. The guard nodded, opening the door and letting the two of you inside of the massive, and empty museum. 

“Dean’s son huh?” You looked up at him, swinging your laced hands in between you. 

“Its got its perks,” He chuckled. “Like renting out the art museum for just the two of us.” 

You blushed and you walked around the corner to see a series of paintings. The two of you walked and talked and gushed over the art for what felt like hours. 

You came to a stop in front of a painting. The image portrayed a gorgeous Japanese woman in a traditional kimono. You bent down to look at the title of the painting. Courtesan: after Eisen, Vincent van Gogh. You hummed and stood back up. 

“She’s beautiful.” 

“Yeah, she is.” 

You turned to see Shoto looking at you, tenderness and endearment in his eyes. You blushed deeply. 

“I thought I told you to quit it with the cheesy-ness.” 

Shoto cupped your face, leaning in, his lips brushing against yours as he whispered, “Sorry.” 

You drapped your arms over his shoulders, closing the gap and kissing him deeply. He set his hands on your hips, his lips moving with a loving softness that made you melt. He pulled you closer the kiss gaining momentum and getting rougher. He pulled away, slowly, teasing you by biting on your bottom lip. The two of your stared at each other, pink cheeks and eyes filled with lust. Shoto quickly grabbed your hand and began walking. 

“This way.” 

You followed behind him like a love struck puppy. You found yourself int he photography section of the museum. The space was illuminated by a red light, the photographs lining the walls. There were several benches in the middle of the space. 

You looked up at Shoto, the red light highlighting how hungrily he looked down at you. He sat down on one of the benches, you following his lead. 

Before you could say a word, his lips latched onto your neck, soft whimpers of shock leaving your mouth. You felt his lips curl into a smirk against your skin. You ran your fingers through his hair, tugging gently when he bit down on your collar bone. 

“S-Shoto,” You huffed. You could sense yourself getting extremely wet, and the sudden idea of jumping him right in the museum wouldn’t leave your mind. He seemed to get the message, placing his on your inner thigh. He snaked his hand further up, his eyes widening feeling your soaked panties. 

“I-I,” You stammered, afraid of what he would say. He said nothing actually and instead dropped to his knees in front of you. You blushed profusely, as he took the zipper of your skirt in his fingertips. 

“Is this okay?” He looked up at you, waiting for your consent. 

Is this okay? Oh god yes. 

You nodded, too excited to see what he would do next to let the words come out of your mouth. 

He proceeded to unzip your skirt, your thighs exposing themselves to him. 

“You know,” He says softly, his nimble fingers, gently removing your soaked panties. “I’ve been wanting to do this since I saw you in philosophy freshman year.” 

Before you could reply to his confession, he burred his head between your thighs, darting his tongue inside of your heat. You gasped, your spine shuddering at the sudden penetration. You gripped the bench tightly, Shoto humming happily against you. His tongue swirled inside you, his nose tickling your clit that was so needy for more. You reached your hand down, and proceeded to rub your sore clit. You whimpered and bucked your hips, Shoto pulling away. His eyes widened at the sight, causing the erection in his trousers to cause further friction against the fabric. He stood up, and unzipped his pants, pushed down his boxers, allowing his strong erection to stand at attention. You eyed his length hungrily. Not only was he big, but he was long. 

You opened your mouth, a fake innocence glazing your eyes. Shoto blushed as you took his cock in your mouth, hollowing your cheeks as you began to suck. 

“F-fuck,” He groaned, griping your hair. He tenderly ran his fingers through your locks, brushing the baby hairs that were pressed against your forehead with sweat out of the way. And all this time you were still touching yourself. 

“God, you look so pretty when you touch yourself y/n,” Shoto spoke softly, his mind beginning to blank from how good you were sucking him. You shuddered and whimpered, your fingers quickening their pace. You were reaching your climax and Shota had noticed. 

“No,” He said sternly, gripping your wrist and pulling your hand away from your aching heat. 

Your face was filled with defeat and embarrassment. 

“S-Shota please, I just want to cum,” you whimpered.

“You’ll cum y/n, but when I say so.” 

He sat down on the bench, gripping your hips and turning you so you would face him. The lust in Shoto’s eyes seemed to have crept to the rest of his features. He held his length in front of your core, it was dripping in your saliva. He picked you up and placed you above his lap, your entrence hovering over his cock. Part of you was afraid you wouldn’t be able to take all of him. The other part of you really wanted to try. 

“Ride me,” he commanded. You nodded without hesitation and kined yourself up with his lenght, slowly lowering yourself unto him. You shut your eyes tight as he entered your tight hole. 

“Shit,” you whimpered, but you were on a mission to fit all of him inside you. Shoto groaned, his cock twitching inside your tight walls. Once you managed to take in his whole shaft, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. 

“Jesus Christ, you’re fucking huge,” You exhaled. You places your hands on his chest and kissed him hungrily, but not making any attempt to bounce or grind against him. You were cockwarming him, and Shoto adored you for it. But not for long. 

“Fuck it y/n, I wan’t you to ride me already.” You giggled at his needy request and began to bounce yourself on him. Moans passed your lips effortlessly. Shoto was in a position that directly targeted your g-spot, and with every thrust upwards from his hips, you felt like you were on cloud-9. 

Shoto watched you, completely enamored. You somehow managed to make riding him look so elegant. You glowed under the red lighting, and he was dying to see how your face would look under it during your orgasm. In one swift movement, he laid you on his back, your legs laying against his chest. You gasped in surprise. Shoto had gotten impatient and was dying to please you. 

He gripped your legs firmly and began began thrusting-no-pounding into you. He huffed with every forceful thrust, grunting at the tightness of your walls. Your moans and wails were music to his ears. Your knuckles were white from gripping onto the bench. 

“I-I’m close Shoto,” you moaned, the words shaking as they came out. 

Shoto nodded and proceeded to roll his hips, hitting further inside of you. You groaned, your eyes rolling back, and seeing your face like that caused him to moan too. You arched your back, reaching your climax and Shoto continued to pound his entire length inside of you. You cried out in pleasure and cummed heavily all over his length. Shoto’s suspisions were correct, you looked glorious during an orgasm. So glorious infact, the sight caused him to cum himself. He groaned in a raspy tone, hot ropes of cum filling you up. Shoto slowed down, allowing the both of you to ride out your highs. He pulled out, the mixture of your cum flowing onto your thigh and the bench. He swiftly grabbed your damp panties and slid them on you. 

“You’re just going to have to keep that inside of you until we get home,” He said with a smirk. You blushed and pecked his lips. He helped you up and off of the bench, and the two of you proceeded to get dressed. 

“Hey!” The two of you whipped your heads around to see the security guard. 

“Is this where the two of you have been hiding? Your session is up.” 

Shoto bowed infront of the guard. 

“I am so sorry sir, here,” he pulled out his wallet, and handed the guard what appeared to be two $100. “We didn’t mean to take so long. Thank you and have a good night.” 

You squeaked out a little thank you to the guard, before Shoto and you were running back to the parking lot, laughed and grinning at their adventure. Once again, Shoto opened the passenger door for you and proceeded to get in the driver’s seat. 

“Are you okay with staying at my apartment tonight?” 

You blushed and nodded. 

“A sleepover with the dean’s son? How could I say no.” 

He chuckled and drove away from the museum as you pulled out your phone. Three texts from Mina. 

mina: how’s it going?? ;)) 

mina: its getting late wya 

mina: oh my god are u dead 

You rolled your eyes and replied. 

you: i’m fine, staying at shoto’s house tonight <3 

Not even a second later, Mina answered. 

mina: OMG YOU SLY BITCH GET IT GIRL

You giggled and put your phone away. Shoto set his palm down in front of you. You took his hand and your fingers laced together. He smiled, focused on the road and rubbing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb.

[reynie-muldoons]

'The Art of Conveyance and Round-Trippery' Liveblog!

Sorry this is a few days late!! I moved across the country this weekend, we drove like 13 hours within 2 days and we did a lot of heavy lifting. I'm exhausted, but the boxes are slowly emptying and I've been wanting to watch this episode so gd bad, so LESGO

Over halfway through the season!!!! That's absolutely surreal

1:11 oooh they're getting their royal fitting

1:22 LMAOO WTF 😂😂 Princess Diaries vibes

1:42 ✨CONFIDENCE✨

1:52 Alfonse is a perfect name for that guy HAHA

2:05 Nathaniel, my guy, you've made some points

2:11 "do you feel your power?" POWER RANGERS, GO

2:24 no no hesitation just prolly thinkin bout how he was caught cheatin

2:39 "can you not allow yourselves luxury?" okay fr I feel that I get Nice Things Guilt(tm) too easily

2:52 dayummmm let's talk about Sticky being a hat stall between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor, mans is brave as fuck under extreme pressure and loyal to the point of putting himself on the line

3:15 bro Sticky getting some recognition. Love to see it, he deserves it

3:19 "is that a coincidence? Or written in the stars?" IS DR. CURTAIN CATCHING ON THAT THEY KNEW EACH OTHER BEFORE OR LIKEEEE

3:49 WHAT WORD AROUND CAMPUS 😭😭😭 MY BOYS ARE NOT A MISTAKE HOW DARE YOU

4:09 why doess the action of Dr. Curtain putting the sash on them seem so nefarious

4:36 I dont really understand the whole pastel yellow, blue, and pink palette of the school but the boys both look pretty okay in their vest-sash getup

4:42 THE OPENINGGGGG. This shit slaps.

5:41 Kate and Constance look so fucking cute in that shot, dont ask me why but hnnggggg

5:54 sash rope 😂😭 kate, honey, that's a reach

6:09 it might feel buttery, but, my guy, it also looks buttery. It's literally the color of butter. Get yourself some crisco

6:24 I find it kinda interesting that they made up new riddles for the show, I'm almost positive that that one wasn't in the book. Correct me if I'm wrong though

7:03 "I'm not gonna apologize for knowing things" the sass. the ✨confidence✨. living for it

7:03 If they build on that it sets Sticky up really nicely for the arc in the second book where he starts to show off a little

7:15 tiny Constance who is constantly dressed in pink with cute little braids is the perfect medium for the most morbid comments 😂😂

7:55 Martina's hot in her uniform. Can't prove me wrong.

8:15 why does that make me sad 🥺 eat with your friendssss. iirc they only talked about eating at the Messenger table in the books

8:26 dipshits forgot their lunches. Seems Constance is holding the communal braincell atm

8:50 anyone have Guiness on speed dial? Reynie and Sticky have a submission for them

9:25 oh hello this was alluded to in the preview!!! Morse code is compromised, rip

10:05 so are Jackson and Jillson stuck with night guard duty all the time?? They've been outside at night a lot

10:18 ahhhhhh the little blinkie light, stopppp

10:25 MILLIGANNNNN!!!

10:25 so is this the point where he starts staying on the island with them????

10:39 so are they just like "fuck it we'll do it right before sundown" ???? Like Jackson and Jillson are still gonna be on the lookout, they aren't gonna chill just because it's not fully dark

10:50 did the kids.....just not tell them that Mr. Bloom was on the island 😂 nice oversight guys

11:05 MADGE TIME MADGE TIME

11:05 remind me to tell you guys a story about Madge, I may or may not have done something irl a few years ago that would make y'all proud 😂😂😂

11:16 idk why but it makes me so happy that they kept Madge as a peregrine falcon

11:37 Rhonda, my love, you have my heart in your hands

11:46 roll credits

12:05 THE HEAD SHAKE HAHAHAH

12:06 Awww man, I was so excited for Milligan to be on the island .-. He must have been scoping out the inlet

12:07 "they're quite regal" A. I read the subtitles as "legal" the first time and that's somehow really in character for him, and B. IS MILLIGAN GOING TO NAME HER???!? HER MAJESTY???? PLEASE I WOULD LOVE THAT SO MUCH

12:15 his grimace KILLS ME

12:17 the hard cut from Nicholas in a brown setting and brown suit to Nathaniel in a blue setting and blue suit was lowkey striking

12:36 are they looking up Morse code 😳 can you imagine if they wrote down the message and are now decoding it

12:41 omfg all that for a HAT 🙃 I feel stupid

12:51 two things: 1. Those walls are atrocious, and 2. Yeah, talk about Morse code in a louder voice Connie girl, you're just in a public hallway

13:03 I'm sorry but those orange pillar things are not the vibe

13:03 the golden gate bridge called, they want their arches back

13:10 please let Kate climb the tower before the end of season 1. please.

13:22 y'all are about to be flying something else 😎

13:33 cleansing breaths

13:47 OH HELLO MESSENGER DUTY ALREADY??

14:06 what the heck is that teal pole for 😭😭

14:12 blindfold timeeee

I'm so sorry but I'm exhausted, it's 11:30 pm on Sunday night right now, I'll finish this episode tomorrow morning after I get some sleepies

~~

Good morningggg lesgetatit

14:50 "vomit of metal" ashhdjdjd

15:16 a wild Martina appears!

15:36 and if you folks look to your left, you'll see a wild Constance being the voice of reason once again

15:57 "lose the bucket" "I'm not gonna do that" HELL YEAH KATE

16:07 I get not having the bucket on the court lolol, I thought Martina was telling Kate to lose the bucket in general. Like, yeah, good luck convincing her to so that

16:35 show!Kate is much angrier than book!Kate and I'm still deciding how I feel about that. The Kate we've known from the books is a sunshine baby with looots of repressed trauma.

17:03 ......what is that. why is that.

17:11 WAIT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE REYNIE AHEHDJDJD

17:15 HI MADGE

17:41 the grand swell in the music makes me think it's going to go comically wrong

17:51 she's majestic because she's a queen 🥺

18:03 LMAO CALLED IT

18:14 Rhonda and Number Two getting at each other is such a sisterly thing to do 😂😂😂

18:37 ohhhhh? Someone's approaching? Miss Perumal perhaps????

18:45 YEAHHHHH BABY

18:50 PROTECTIVE MOM COMIN IN HOT!!!

19:22 THEYRE SO PRECIOUS 😭😭😭😭 I feel like I've been subconsciously starved for her and Mr. Benedict's interactions

19:36 died at that line in the one trailer

20:00 so Miss Perumal pulled a Sherlock Holmes. Love that for her

20:20 Cheri Tupintown??? Of all the aliases they could pick, Cheri Tupintown???

20:33 "Power in Truth Inc" that HAS to be something Rhonda came up with

21:01 you can literally watch Mr. Benedict realize that this is a woman not to be fucked with and he is CORRECT

21:23 "he's fine. Perfectly fine." At this, Mr. Benedict's pants caught aflame.

21:52 something about Constance sitting in on practice!!! It scratches an itch!!!!

22:19 "incorporate the helix. Live in the helix." Lord Helix is pleased with this offering.

22:26 so what I'm hearing is Kate is going to blow up on Constance for messing with the bucket

23:13 unrelated but Jillson'a shoes are cute

23:29 why does this room give off Johnny Depp's willy wonka vibes

24:13 that looks like a chair from a doctor's office waiting room 😭

25:29 they do be egg heads tho

26:02 baby girl, I have no idea why you're crying at weird art but let me dry your tears 🥺🥺

26:50 SHE FOUND ITTTT

27:27 okay Indiana Jones, go off

27:46 why did that kinda sound like Miss Perumal

28:43 the return of everyone's favorite, "enjoyable"

29:05 not that I'm not loving the ice breaker questions and the one-sided conversation, but I'm not loving it

29:22 oh so we're getting right into it aren't we

29:54 his eyes being open again makes this infinitely creepier

30:36 "where's your proof?" Miss Perumal doesnt fuck around!!!

31:29 you're telling me Constance has been there all day?? And Kate went to find her???? 🥺

31:58 oh so we're getting right to it then?? Kate addressing her independence and trust issues arc????

33:29 NEWS!!!!

33:49 CONSTANCE RIDING PIGGYBACK!!!!!!

34:04 okay, so they opened the murder hole, what are they gonna do now

34:59 Italian? 🤨 m'sir that is so fancy

34:59 fun story I learned Italian diction in college, so I know a little bit

35:16 "take your time" the whisperer says, immediately repeating the prompt to get the answer sooner

35:31 theeeeere it is

35:46 SOMETHING ABOUT THE WHISPERER SAYING "YOU ARE HOME" 😭😭😭 the show really played up the cult shit!!

36:02 Kate being protective of Constance 🥺

36:20 ohhh shit is it time for Connie girl to have double Reynie? Double Sticky?

36:36 STICKY

36:52 "what kind of nonsense?" HAVE THEY NOT ASKED THAT BEFORE THIS?????

37:14 "and your tiny brain can somehow pick it up!!" KATE STOP 😂😂😂

37:16 "I knew you had to be special in some way." WE DONT HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT

37:51 she's right, this is disregard for their safety. The show made Mr. Benedict and his team a lot more back-alley and dishonest, and Miss Perumal has every reason to be pissed

38:30 oh good they finally remembered he has narcolepsy

39:38 and the best mom award goes to:

40:38 I was gonna say that this hallway is how I imagined the KEEP in riddle of ages but then I remembered that (spoilers) the Institute is the KEEP

40:46 oh, hello propoganda

41:10 that's the other person Rhonda couldn't contact, along with Mr. Bloom. This has to be the brainsweeping process

41:22 yeppppp

41:44 this dark doctor's office theme gives me horror movie vibes

42:22 ohhhh, so that's how they replaced that scene where the four of them jump in a crate to hide and Sticky drops his glasses in the open

42:47 and so we've come to the part of the story where Sticky and Reynie become infinitely more conflicted

42:47 and since we've reached that point..... can we have the white knight scene? Pretty please? Please Disney I'm begging you-

43:12 so Reynie just figured that out without Constance? :/

44:03 love the manipulation

44:31 I'm sorry, the farm?

44:35 farm and forest????

45:16 "the Emergency has served its purpose" 😳 well okay then murder man

45:39 "one thought, one purpose" the hive mind rises once more

45:48 LOVE THE MANIPULATION

46:07 "what have you done to earn anyone's trust?" VALID

46:26 "please do!" WHY AM I EMOTIONAL

47:06 "we still have the falcon" that you do 😂

47:19 AYYY HERE WE GO!!! Time for Milligan to stay on the island??

47:49 ohhhh Constance, casual telepath strikes again

48:16 "stop it, Kate!" OOOOHHHHH

48:53 that line ("it would be nice to be unburdened") would be funny as shit if not for the fact that Constance is a telepath unbeknownst to herself and can both subconsciously perceive people's thoughts and hear the subliminal messages

49:20 HI MRS. PERUMAL!!!

49:25 wow, she's really going through with it 😳 not that I doubted her, but still, that's dedication

49:39 OH SHIT

50:17 oh, so he's an asshole to SQ too. Got it. Torches and pitchforks? Ready to kick his ass?

50:40 "for the moment, anyway" FUCKIN WHAT

This episode was really good!!! They covered a LOT. I hope Miss Perumal comes back to the group and talks about her findings, I hope Milligan goes to get the kids and they tell him no, and I hope they get that classic 4-person Society brainstorming and binding time that hits that sweet spot

[newtedison]

my thoughts on the crank palace

i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy

1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later

2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in. 

3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...

4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt

5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it

6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...

7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.

i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think

(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)

[upsteadhq]

Ok I just have to get something off my chest quick, and yes, it is another message directed to those linstead shippers that, if I’m being honest, are pissing me off.

All I’ve been seeing day after day from literally the moment I joined the PD fandom over a year ago is them taking digs at upstead, and I understand why, you’re protective over your ship, like a lot of shippers are, but if I’m being honest what you are saying is disgusting, hurtful, and false. And I’m gonna come out and say this directly: I’m not one to get pissed off easily. Yes while throughout lockdown I have become a little more short-tempered but that’s a consequence of living in a house full of only younger siblings, one of them younger by a lot, and I have seemed to lose my patience, and I’ve held off saying this until now, when all of you have decided to come out of hiding simulateously and just start your rapid fire of incorrect statements and rude comments.

Now to put this into perspective for your tiny brains, I watch all three shows and have ships for all of them, as I’m sure many people do. My ships however do not include the ever-increasing in popularity Brettsey and Mancel - in fact I’m still a hardcore shipper of Dawsey and Manstead - and if I’m being honest, I can’t stand brettsey and mancel and don’t see why people ship them, but you don’t hear me complaining about it every fucking day. I learn to just move on, skip over the tweets or gifs or fics or mentions of those ships and I carry on with my life, move on to the next one and carry on looking through Upstead (or whatever oc ship I’m looking at). I block those hashtags and avoid the YouTube videos and I actually forget about it pretty quickly. WHY DONT YOU DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND DO THAT? It’s really not that hard. I do this because I know there are people out there that are as passionate about those ships as I am with upstead, burzek, stellaride just to name a few, and that they are protective over it, and I’d rather not get on anyone’s bad side, because I do think of myself as a friendly person.

Now, I do performing arts at college, and while I am planning on dropping the course because it’s just not for me, I have picked up on one certain thing doing this course. This things is: actors spend a lot of time, put in a lot of effort, blood, sweat and tears into their performance, especially when they’re so passionate about it and have been doing it for a long time, and it FUCKING SUCKS to have someone chip away at that effort bit by bit. Back in December I spent a total of 10 hours travelling to and from venue three days in a row, did two full rehearsals of it on stage on the Wed, and two full shows on both Thurs and Fri. I was at the venue from 12pm till 11pm every day for those three days and it took me an hour to get home, so I got home just after midnight. I’d then have to be awake by 6am to do the whole thing again. To top it all off I then had stagecoach (which is a drama school) on the Sat from 2-5:30pm. When I got home from that I didn’t move until Sun afternoon, and then I had to do it all over again on Mon. It was exhausting, and to have been told it sucked after all that, I would have been heartbroken. This is the exact same situation for the PD actors, or any other actor that you may rip apart against, including Tracy. They work like 15 hours a day for 10 days and all they get out of all that time is one episode, and they do that ~20 times for every season. To be told what I’ve been reading after all that (about 3000 hours of work/season) I can’t even imagine how upset that would make me, and it probably would to them as well.

So please just do yourself a favour and stfu, block the tags, avoid the videos, and for the love of god don’t take it to Twitter, because there will always be somebody there that’s gonna fight against you, and I know from experience fighting with you lot gives me more of a headache than helping my seven-year-old sister with her home learning - and that’s usually like a fucking migraine by the end of the day.

Kind regards, Holly, a.k.a @/upsteadhq :)

[ailec-12]

Today, September and Calendar

Thanks!

Today: Have you made any progress in any wips today?

Uhh, no. Remember what I said about writing earlier this week? Well, I've done a million things, but unfortunately writing hasn't been one of them.

September: Share a comment or review which still warms your heart?

Oh, Anon, I can't share only one. I've been rereading comments this past month and several come to mind right now. These all warm my heart no matter how old they are or how many times I've read them already.

randomdork11 on House Potter:

You’re back!!!! I’ve missed you and this story more than I realized. Little Sev dealing with sick Harry and exhausted parents is so heartbreaking and sweet that I can’t handle it! Plus, I can totally relate to the exhausted parent bit XD. That whole family is just far too adorable. A certain bean who is far less evil than she proclaims to be, told me you were about to post again, so I’ll admit that I’ve been checking my updates like a crazy person.

Self-doubt is easily the worst part of writing. However, if I can offer you any encouragement, it’s that you have no reason to doubt yourself. Sometimes stories seem so big and daunting and we aren’t sure if what we are writing even makes sense or is relatable or true to character. Everyone goes through it and - as I’m sure many have already said - in your case, you’ve nothing to worry about. This story is beautiful and charming and captures the characters so very well. You’re doing a marvelous job of creating well rounded characters who all have faults and positive traits. You’re writing it in a way that none of the characters seems too good or too bad, just simply human. It’s utter perfection and you should be extremely proud of this work!!

Happy writing Ailec! And if you end up in doubt, just remember that your readers all agree that you are wonderful and we are here for you!!

@allstoriesrtrue24601 on the last OFaH chapter on AO3:

What a beautiful ending to an unbelievably impressive series! Having read the original series on fanfic.net repeatedly habitually since their original completion, it’s brought me so much joy to have weekly reminders of how much I love this story; and now with a gorgeous new epilogue!!

I’ve said it before but the one thing that really gets me about your writing is the characterisation - it drives the stories in a way I feel is really missing from most pieces of published works and tv shows. The bonds you build between characters and the whole dynamic really comes through throughout each installment - making the character development extremely natural and impactful. I’ve waxed lyrical previously about your writing style but I reiterate that it’s utterly and irrevocably beautiful, especially when considering English is not your first language. The pacing, plot and actual progression of the pieces are so well thought-out and really prompts excellently-executed dialogue and exposes opportunities to get to the hearts of the characters. It is suffice to say I have THOROUGHLY enjoyed your work in every one of its forms.

On a side note, I feel massively honoured to be mentioned in author’s notes (I have to say I’m slightly star-struck) and I’m more than happy for any future English queries. Have a wonderful day x

Kuroui, also on OFaH, but the first version on FF:

I realize I never actually left a review on here but here it goes.

This is definitely one of my all time favourite fics to ever exist period. Not just within the OUAT fandom. I was ecstatic with the introduction of Zelena, as it opened potential for Regina to have someone blood related still alive for her to interact with. At the end of Season 3 when Zelena was given that second chance, I was excited to see a possible turn around for her character. Up until that point, everything she had done was to give herself a better life, one with her blood mother, in hopes that she may be loved. She was not unlike Regina's initial persona and I could see how they could connect over it.

Season 4 dashed those hopes, and the progressing seasons left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. In the end, I am glad at least that at the end of Season 6 they had become something like sisters, and for that I am glad. I am also happy to see Zelena returning to play some time in Season 7. I dont know what it is but Zelena is my favourite OUAT character, and I love Rebecca Mader who plays her. For that reason I always seek out Zelena fics in hopes of finding good ones as she is not one of the most popular characters, in terms of fic writing at least.

This fic was both amazingly written and brought to light my hope of them reconciling as sisters. I like that it was not an immediate turn around from "villian" to "good", but a gradual process that involved interactions with multiple people and learning from mistakes. It made her a very real and relatable person. Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes and going from a life where her only goal was to hurt Regina, to living with her and attempting to be "good" was a large turn around that no doubt shook her to her core. You displayed that in your series very well, showing the ups and downs in her journey as well as the reflective reactions from those around her.

Henry's role in this was very heartwarming and he really is a miracle. The Greatest Believer. I do not think that Zelena would have come as far as she had without him. Though Regina does her best, it is always nice to have someone else there, not to mention someone who looked at Zelena without any negative feelings. Having multiple people care and believe in her no doubt gave her greater motivation to change and be a better person. Not to downplay Regina's role in this of course. Regina very much has been the core to this family, to Zelena's change.

At the end, Zelena desired to be wanted, to be enough, and she was going to look for that in Cora. Regina knew though, that it wasn't Zelena's fault for that, Cora only wanted power. Which you had her explain. And I think that having Regina turn into that person that Zelena wanted to be enough for, to be loved by, was a big change even if she didn't realize it. The initial hostility, anger and sadness moved away from being targeted AT Regina, to more herself and referenced in terms of Regina instead.

At that point, I think that Zelena's family slowly began to form in her own subconscious which eventually or hopefully would expand onto friends like Robin and Tinkerbell and perhaps even the Charming family, they do get along well enough of course. And if Charming's reaction to her run in with Sidney was any indication, I'm sure they would welcome her with open arms at this point.

Overall I suppose I can summarize it into this.

Thank you for writing this story/series. It holds a very very special place in my heart and I come back every once in a while to read through it. It warms my heart every single time no matter how many times I've read it. I love it with every inch of my OUAT loving soul and I am so glad that such an extensive well-written piece on Zelena exists.

Long comments aren't the only ones that have my eternal love and gratitude, though. Here's a couple of recent ones that are making this writing hiatus much more bearable:

Ninafia on the latest instalment of Hotchpotch:

I loved this! You're really good at writing emotions.

It's like I'm in their head, if that makes sense. Thanks for the chapter!

Lilia on House Potter:

This is such a remarkable story—so subtle and heartbreaking. Use of child Sev’s POV is a true narrative tour de force. Wish I could give it 100 kudos.

I'm lucky to have received a lot of nice comments over the years and you can be sure that, if your comment made me happy the first time I read it, I've come back to it more than once.

Calendar: Do you have a schedule for posting?

Not right now —I only keep a posting schedule when there are a few chapters already written at the very least.

Fanfic questions :)

[katzirra]

Waiting for the place to give me my file list from my hand drive recovery. Made an omelet with asparagus and bacon, and gave the boys a tiny bit for being good this morning and letting me sleep in past 8:06...

Hannibal woke me up with very loudly aggressively loving face rubs which is new, and has been demanding attention all morning by soft paw grabbing and holding my hand while cooking, also new. Usually he's very independent and wants nothing to do with us.

Still concerned with his audible breathing when he's SLIGHTLY distressed, for a cat with obvious anxiety, and when he's picked up or sitting/laying weird. It's very noticeable, and I'm wondering if it has to do with his nasal bridge being a tad flat.

Trying to manifest a good mood. I'm having a big existential crisis about being alive.

Which, I'll just throw that under a cut and pair it with an apology. 🤙✨

I feel like I have no purpose or meaning. Having a lot of those "why bother/what's the point" moments about a lot of things which...the depth of those feelings isn't just apathetic like most people experience? For me it's very much a red flag, so that's been fun. Usually it's doing something as simple as doing something nice for myself, thinking why bother, and having to ARGUE with myself why it matters. Like...having to validate EVERYTHING I do these days is exhausting. Honestly, it's been a low simmer scary JUST KEEP SWIMMING the last few months. But everything I feel is too much to talk to anyone about, and it doesn't HELP me to. It's me. It's my brain. It's scary and I don't like looking the beast directly in the face when people want me to open up. My demon, my problem, trust me when I say I'm trying and that I'm sincere when I say sorry I'm not all here or present.

I'm, like torn between wanting to message my friend first to talk about shit, but I'm also refusing because I was hurt and the comment about shit being too much to read just resonates in my brain yelling "you're not worth their time and effort, you dumb bitch!" because my brain has a FIELD day with that shit. Its.... Kicking a dead horse, repeating myself anyway probably. It hasn't seemed to stick after the last year of me apologizing monthly because I'm just a shit friend who is too busy working and trying to not kill myself. Suicide ideation is a thing, and it SUCKS when it's as invasive as it is for intruding thoughts. But I'll keep apologizing because I feel guilty for not being good enough. Present enough. Engaging enough. Because maybe that time it'll stick??

They'll probably be better off without me making them feel bad because I don't put in enough effort I guess? Which also just hurts because I know online I'm standoffish these days, so I put the extra effort into being a good host I thought and I hoped that mattered. I just feel like no matter what I'm doomed to disappoint them? So I don't mean they'd be better off in a dismissive way, it's a legit...way I think. Like I'm obviously causing distress, and yelling at me won't fix it because it makes me recoil emotionally. So maybe I'm just a bad friend in reality and it is what it is. I'm sorry so many people have fucked me up about inter personal relationships?? I don't know what to do this time because that stupid fight cut me very deep in core values in myself.

It...Fucked me up. And whether that's important to them or not, or whether it has an repercussive weight, whatever. We've both been hurt by people, and been there as much as we'd let eachother. I've tried to be crazy supportive in the last bout of shit they went through. Because I love a bitch, and they matter immensely to me, and I know I suffered alone through a LOT of things like that and know it sucks. I offered my home, attention and time any time I could give it.. Being told i don't give as much as them set weird on my heart in light of that. It hurt.

Idk...And maybe I'm just some dramatic bitch or whatever I guess. Doesn't matter. I matter, my feelings matter. I'm mentally ill and I fucking bust my ass to deal with it, AND be a loving and supportive fixture in people's lives. I suck, sure. But I'm ALWAYS there for people.

I mention I'm depressed or angry at life, sure, but the layers of distress aren't...on display? It's my shit to deal with, if I bring it up, it's for benefit of people knowing why I'm withdrawn usually. I don't talk about myself much anymore because everything is too much and I just start venting. And people don't care that deeply about how fucked up my head is. Or I over share too much. Or yeah, it's a lot to read and I start babbling because the cork is off and I HURT inside just being alive anymore. I don't feel like I'm living my life for me these days. I don't feel alive. I feel stagnant. I'm biding time for SOMETHING to happen??

Yet I'm constantly apologizing to people for not being able to do basic shit, that I'm upfront about being difficult for some dumb reason. I'm always having to explain myself to people. I am in this bubble so often of feeling like I was made wrong, a mistake, missing something important.

Or that I'm a bad person. I'm too open, too closed, withdrawn, outgoing - I can never seem to get the ratio right. And its the kind of discussion I feel leans into self pity and attention grabbing but it's...something I internally struggle with every week and keep to myself.

Oh Kat, get a psychiatrist - I dont know that it would help, honestly. I know 90% of my thoughts and fears are irrational, and pointless. But I know they have valid backing in trauma that I have mostly dealt with, and am unlearning. But I also know I see through people, can identify those markers, and understand outcomes way too easy and that ALSO makes people mad. So. What the fuck is a shrink gonna do for me? My depression is a background white noise to this stuff, and it's honestly just bullshit I deal with. I'm not keen on medication, I'm sure it would help quiet my brain, but I've been dealing with this shit almost 20 years now, ita just the added drama and bullshit from people that exacerbates the emotional brain rash, for lack of a better phrasing. My issues are all behavioral and some depression and anxiety in the mix that I manage.

For all I'm told people understand ahit wrong with me, it sure is something I repeatedly get bitched at over, honestly. And I partially get it, I also find it frustrating. But I've been battling depression since I was 12/13 and learning to stop thinking certain things only since 21, and that's the harder part. I'm not the person people think I am, I wish I was anymore. That bitch died in 2011/2012. That fissure in my foundation fucked me UP. The shaking I had one or two years ago, didn't help.

To be transparently honest the whole shitstorm two weeks ago really hit some raw nerves I'm trying to deal with, and not doing well. Because the more times that nerve is hit the more I don't feel like a valuable person and that I'm wasting people's time. But the reason I'm yelled at is that I am a valuable person, and they want more of my time in a way?? I don't know what people want from me.

Waves hand dismissively - they're being sweethearts by the back door for now.

I'm in a weird place emotionally and mentally. I don't feel alive. I don't feel real. I don't feel valid or... I don't know. Nothing I say or so actually matters in my own life or experiences. I can be an amazing person with communication and intention but it doesn't matter if the other person doesn't care, it's like arguing online.

You can have a valid discussion and someone can just say "you're a fucking moron, I'm not listening to this" and you can't do anything.

I just wasted two hours organizing my thoughts qnd emotions into a post that I'll delete in a week. What a great use of my time. I'm juat exhausted.

I turn 31 tomorrow and is rather be dead lmao. I'm so tired of the weight of being alive and aware of the world and people around me. About being considerate and kind to everyone and it's never god damn enough. I bleed myself dry emotionally for everyone and run my mental battery into the ground qnd it's never enough. It's never going to BE enough. I don't want mental.break downs and emotional roller-coasters. I want friends that understand I'm scatterbrained and severely damaged and abused and I'm TRYING. I'm sorry it's never good enough.

I'm so fucking tired these days. I just want to disappear. I want to have an actual breakdown and cry

I haven't actually cried in years. I.... Mm. I feel like.im a shell. I'm so tired. I'm trying AO hard to be a good person and functional and I'm just constantly having more dished and I'm just...what is my purpose qnd point these days. I can't even make people happy.

Tomorrow I'll turn 31. It'll be like any other day. 👍✨