#it wont be against my skin though so i can use it just to help with structure and keep the materials from rubbing my other clothes raw

[fedine]

I was saving this linen for my corset lining but I went and turned it into a night shirt because I realized it was the perfect fabric for it. So now I have to buy new fabric for that.

[moechies]

hey can i request 2 and 3 with gojo?

ofc !! enjoy <3

prompts:

2. “if you weren't bad, none of this would've happened right? so who's fault is it?"

3. 's okay, i forgive you, told you daddy's always right."

cw reader is gojos gf, vunerable reader, daddy kink, humiliation, dubcon, coercion/manipulation, mentions of cheating, slight spanking, fingering, pet names good girl, baby

the position you were in was so embarrassing.

you got here by accusing your lover of cheating, and satoru was starting to get sick of your bantering,

“f-fuck you ‘toru. f-fuckin hate you. you’re a l-liar..” you cried out, squirming and shaking on his lap. one of his hands pressed into your back, the other on the cheek of your swollen ass,

“i’m a liar sweetheart? look at where you got us baby. if ya didn’t act bad, none of this would’ve happened, right? who’s fault is this hmm?”

“i h-hate you to-“

slap

he rubs against your ass to soothe your skin, cooing quietly at your crying.

“i’ll give you one more chance baby. who’s fault is it that you’re here?” he gives your ass a tight squeeze to warn you again to answer correctly,

“m-me, ‘s mine” you mumble with your face smushed into the pillow that satoru gave you to quiet your screams.

you feel his fingers drag down to your cunt, pressing down on the wet lips,

“cmon do it right. look at me baby, tell me who’s fault it is nd i’ll give it to ya.” he pulls your face to his by grabbing on your cheeks, your crying face and red cheeks making him groan.

he slips the tip of his fingers into your sticky cunt, just enough to make you squirm.

“cmon.. i know you want it.. this could be so easy. ”

even though you’re distraught by this fucked up situation, you cant help but give into your lover. his luring eyes and addicting smile, and how you know how well he's going to fuck your cunt.

“s m-my fault daddy.. m sorry.. w-wont be bad anymore..”

“good fuckin girl.” he says before dropping your face back down, and thrusting his fingers into your cunt, curling them exactly where you need it.

“ s okay baby, daddy forgives you. told you daddy’s always right, isn’t he? how could i do that to my sweet little girl? couldn’t find anybody else even if i wanted to.”

“y-yes.! m sorry, m s-sorry daddy! d-didnt mean to a-accuse you.. p-please forgive me..!” you say in a state of pure lust, not aware of anything that spills out your mouth.

“there’s daddy’s good girl. but next time you misbehave, i won’t be so easy, mkay?”

[pinkeos]

Hi, hope you're doin well! love your fics lmao. If I could request something? No pressure though lmao.

Just been thinking; afab argenti who's a virgin, gently helping him learn about it and through it - he's so sensitive that he can hardly handle rubbing - eating him out and he's a twitchy mess, almost squealing, pulling your hair (wont stop apologizing afterwards lmao) so something along those lines if it'd be alright? Up to you ofc

AFAB!Argenti x GN!Reader || 18+ MDNI

Warning/s: Cunnilingus, fingering, virgin argenti

Notes: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG ANON😭 this is my first time writing argenti, he's my first limited 5*, first 50/50 won and first main so i hope this is alright🥹

You were Argenti’s home. His resting place for when his travel throughout the cosmos made him weary. You were the only one he could return to and the only one that he couldn't bear to be without unlike several other things he left behind for his knighthood. Could he blame himself, though? When you touched him and kissed him like he was the only thing in the universe worthy of your affection?

Gentle yet firm, your hand held his jaw and made him face forward, his face reddening at the sinful sight of himself in the mirror, bare and panting like a dog in heat. You parted his thighs with your other hand, showing his pussy dripping with arousal and clenching frustratingly around nothing.

You sat behind him, a smile on your face as you took in the sight of him, the confident and strong knight nothing but meek and submissive in your arms. As much as you wanted to fold him, pound him like there was no tomorrow, you held back for his sake. He was a virgin, after all. You'd hate it if he felt pain rather than pleasure on his first time.

Slowly, your hand traveled from his chest down to his inner thigh, teasing him with featherlight touches. This made the knight whine, hips bucking up against the air as pleas fell from his lips, “Please, my love, please. I want your touch, please.”

You pressed a kiss on the crook of his neck, nibbling on his skin and sucking, leaving a trail of love bites as you made your way down to his shoulder, “Patience, dear. I love seeing you like this.”

He felt bashful at the way your eyes lingered on the reflection of his naked body, a different look from the usual soft adoration you'd give him. But he wouldn't complain, though. It was him who wanted this in the first place, he wanted you to be his first, to guide him through his first experience.

Who knew you could be this cruel, using your fingers to part his pussy lips, his quivering hole and sensitive clit on full view, whispering filthy words in his ears.

A gasp tumbled out of Argenti’s mouth when your finger touched his clit, rubbing the bundle of nerves ever so slowly as he familiarizes himself with the foreign feeling. It felt weird, but also good.

“You’re so wet just from kissing and a bit of touching. How adorable.” You cooed.

He could only whimper, head tilting to the side as his eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed as you continued your gentle touches on his clit, “I-I can't… please.”

Chuckling, you decided to cut the teasing for now. You inserted your index finger inside of him, earning yourself a loud moan from the man. Your other free hand kept a hold on his thigh so he wouldn't have a chance to close them. His back arched when you began pumping your finger in and out, adding a second one once you deemed he was wet enough for another.

“Nnghh! D-darling, I…” He stammered, hips humping your hand as you continued pumping his cunt, curling and uncurling your fingers inside of him, rubbing at a specific spot that made him see stars.

The wet, lewd noises coupled with the euphoric feeling of your fingers inside him drove him near the edge. And his toes curled, hand holding holding onto your bicep, “W-wait— ohh!— dear, please, wait…”

Your eyes remained fix on his face, basking at how his face twisted in ecstasy from your fingers alone, waiting for any sort of discomfort while your fingers never relented on fucking into him.

With a loud moan, his thighs spasmed as he came all over your fingers. He was panting, coming down from his high as you slowly pulled your digits out of him, gathering what you could of his cum with them and placing them in your mouth.

Argenti’s eyes widened at the sight, cheeks flushing a shade that rivaled his hair as you moaned in delight at his taste.

“You taste amazing.” You praised, kissing his cheek, “I need more of you.”

His eyes curiously followed you as you stood up, a yelp coming out of him when you grabbed his hips and pulled him to the edge of the bed until only his upper half was on it. You parted his legs, placing them over your shoulder as you kneeled, face merely inches away from his pussy that he could feel your warm breath.

The knight's back arched off the bed when you drove straight into eating him out, hips squirming at the onslaught of pleasure from your tongue lapping at his folds and sucking the remainder of cum out of him, gulping down eagerly. You ate him like a hungry, deprived man presented with his last meal.

Your nose bumped into his clit, the vibrations from your own moans sending waves of euphoria through every inch of his body. His thick thighs pressed against either side of your head, his fingers running through and tugging at your hair.

He could see from the mirror placed across from the two of you how lewd the faces he was making, tears brimming in his eyes and lips swollen from how much he was biting them. Argenti’s never felt this way before, and he was glad it was you that was making him feel so good.

“Haah! Please— ahh! Nggh! More, please!” He whimpered, grinding his pussy against your face, his hold on your hair tightening as the knot on his stomach did the same.

He could feel it again, he was almost there, just a bit more. Your tongue entering his hole, licking at his walls and slurping the sticky fluid of his arousal only served to tip him over the edge yet again, eyes rolling to the back of his head and thighs tightening around your head.

You groaned, smiling against his sensitive, swollen cunt. You helped him through his second orgasm, letting him come back from his high. He fell back on the bed, eyes half lidded and spent, chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath. The way his long, red hair spread under him, creating some sort of halo around him and the way he looked so fucked out almost wanted you to bring out your phone and snap a picture.

Maybe next time, though. He was evidently too spent to go all the way, and you didn't want to overwhelm him. For now, you prioritized cleaning him up and offering him water, to which he gratefully accepted.

“My apologies, for pulling your hair.” He frowned, placing his head on your chest, “I was too caught up in the moment and—”

Your chuckle cut him off, along with the short, sweet kiss you pressed to his lips, “Oh, darling, you don't have to apologize for something as small as that. You can even pull harder next time, I don't mind.”

[savannahsdeath]

Hi <33 I love love love your writing and I really want your take on what fucking santa barbara!Ellie would be like if your up to it 🫶🫶

first of all THANK YOU💗💗 and yes ofc i tried my best !!

SANTA BARBARA!ELLIE X READER HEADCANONS + EXAMPLE ONESHOT

mdni please<3

warnings: 18+!! smut

writers note: its not like my typical hcs because this ones more like umm with plot?? idk how to say this but i hope ykwim😓ENJOY!!

🌿 she's definitely rough like im sure 100%

🌿 she would degrade you but she also praises you from time to time

🌿 now, hear me out, she doesnt have her usual smirk. like someeetimessss but mostly she looks so stern and focused youre literally scared to make a sound

🌿 she definitely doesnt care about making a mess. shed be sooo sloppy istg!!!!

🌿 she also doesnt care about whatever youre saying. she barely listens. everytime you hit her with a 'stop/too fast' she either completely ignores you or replies with some 'huh? what did you say?' and shed go even faster..

🌿 she def uses strap but also loves just using her fingers. she just wants to feel it ykwimmm

heres an example story(lets skip the plot)

its not really what i meant but whatever😓

You couldn't stop yourself from moaning, what seemed like an invitation for Ellie to shush you by pressing her lips to yours. It silenced you, but not stopped, as your inaudible groans were now caught in Ellie's throat.

You were unable to move, pressed against the wall, so she didnt need to hold you. With her free hands she started undressing you both, knowing you wont be able to do so by yourself. She didn't break the kiss though, only stopping for a second when she had to pull your shirt over your head and didn't have access to your face. She continued right after.

You're not sure when did you moved to the bed, but here you were, laying down beneath her.

She kissed your neck, leaving wet spots on it. She was moving down your body, as you played with her hair, shutting your eyes closed.

Not long after that, a few more of your body parts were red from her nibbling - inner thighs mostly.

Even though she took her time, it didn't take too long. She knew youre impatient and wasn't in mood to mess with you, not yet, not like that.

Soon after, she buried her face between your legs, planting the same messy kisses all over there.

Her hands were holding onto your thighs, preventing them from clenching. You knew her grip will leave bruises, painful ones too, but you didnt care.

Ellie's tongue was definitely doing a good job, playing with your clit, slidding in and out of your entrance.

Her fingers didn't loose up but her thumbs started gently tracing circles on your skin, which definitely made it seem less aggressive.

When she was finished with her mouth, one of her hands took the initiative. She was rubbing two of her fingers for a few short moments, before pushing them in.

You were finally able to see her face - her expression. She looked at you firmly, like one bad move could get you killed.

You were whining and whimpering, desperately begging her to slow down.

"Sh, shhh... Just take what youre given, will you?" The corners of her mouth moved slightly upwards, creating a little smile.

You nodded but continued squirming, your thighs trembling, breath shaking...

"Oh, dont be so dramatic. Youre doing good, you'll handle it, trust me." She reassuringly patted your side. "People survived worse things."

Did that help? Well...

But you knew its the best she can do when it comes to being nice. You couldnt blame her, not after you found out about her past. She killed more people than you ever talked with, after all..

Your mind went blank and you couldnt think of anything to say, so you kept mumbling the two words you always do - 'Ellie' and 'please'. At this point, it seems your mouth remembered how to say these. Your tongue knew exactly what to do to make them come out of your mouth, while it was struggling with any other word.

But it was enough for her to know what you want to say.

When youre finally done (she can tell youre close by the way you scream her name, so she knows when to go faster), she cleans you up with her toned expression.

"See? You'll live, atta fucking girl."

[stevie-petey]

episode three: the pollywog

Steve looks over at you, not necessarily amused, but flattered nonetheless. “You know my class schedule?” A blush spreads across your face as you look away from him, but Steve still sees it and something flutters in his chest. He’s always thought you were pretty when you blushed, but you’re even prettier when he’s the reason why. “I pay attention,” you dodge.

Summary: you lecture jonathan about daddy issues and then have an intellectual debate about healthy relationships, you play Mr. Love Dr with Steve, nancy and jonathan go on a sick side quest (and actually inform you this time !), meanwhile: you're about to put a leash on your damn brother.

Rating: general, some curing

Warnings: use of y/n, fem!reader, cursing, slight reference to billy being mean and trauma

Words: 6.7k

Before you swing in: hello ! my first day of spring semester is tomorrow, so here's a quick lil chapter for yall :) i wont have a lot of time to update as frequently anymore, but i promise i will continue to update as much as i can <3 in the meantime, enjoy this chapter n have a lovely day my dears !!

-

Like most mornings, you’re up and ready before Dustin has even woken up.

“Dustin! C’mon, wake up! Jonathan will be here soon and–” You try to open your brother’s door, but it’s locked. “What the–? Dustin! Hello?”

You begin pounding on his door, trying and failing to get in, and right as you’re about to break the door down, your mom comes in from the kitchen. “Y/N, Dusty has already left.”

“Left? Like, he went to school already?” No way in hell that kid has just decided to get up and ready for school any earlier than he needed to. That kid could sleep thirty hours if given the chance.

“Yup! He left pretty early this morning, said he had a test to study for.” Your mom says as she wanders back towards the kitchen to make her usual cup of coffee.

“Huh,” you’re starting to worry that maybe Dustin is hiding something. First he blocked the door from you last night, now he’s supposedly leaving early for some test? He’s hiding something, you know he is. What worries you, though, is that Dustin hasn’t felt the need to hide anything from you since the whole El fiasco.

Which hadn’t ended well.

As you’re lost in thought, mentally going through Dustin’s actions these last few days, Jonathan walks through your front door, keys in hand.

“Hey, bug. Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” you shake your head to clear any more thoughts. You’ll interrogate Dustin later. “Let me grab my bag, one sec.”

Jonathan nods before he’s attacked by your mom, who pulls him into a hug squeals. “Jonathan!”

“You saw me last night, Mrs. Henderson.” He pats her back awkwardly, mouthing “help me” towards you, but you only laugh and grab your bag from your room.

As soon as you have your stuff, you and Jonathan head out. You sneak some glances at him while he drives, memories from last night crashing back. The party… Well, who could’ve seen any of that coming? Considering how shitty the night turned out, Jonathan looks better at least. However, the bruises on his knuckles make you frown.

“I’m sorry about Billy,” you say, grabbing the bruised hand. His skin is rough against yours, but familiar all the same.

Jonathan gives you an incredulous look. “You’re sorry?”

“Yes…?”

“Bug, no. We aren’t doing this.” He shakes his head, pulling his hand away to run it through his hair. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Billy was being a piece of shit, you needed my help, so I did what any sane person would do.”

You’re silent, not used to having such aggression from Jonathan aimed at you. He’s not necessarily mad at you, but you and him have had some issues in the past about stuff like this. You’ve always apologized for other people’s actions, as if you getting hurt is somehow always your fault. He hates that you do it.

You hate that you always do it. But you can’t help it, it’s almost second nature at this point.

Jonathan, reading your mind, sighs. His anger dissipates and he grabs your hand now, kissing your knuckles softly. “I’m sorry for yelling. I just… You mean the world to me, Y/N. I love you, I will always be there for you. I’d punch Billy a million more times if I needed to, without you ever having to ask me.”

“I know, but–”

“If you feel guilty I will pull this car over and shake your pretty little head until I finally knock some sense into it.”

Finally, you laugh. “Now that’s just dramatic.”

“Do I need to pull over?”

“No,” you raise your hands up in surrender. “I’ll shut up now.”

Jonathan nods his head. “Good, just the way I like it.”

You smack his chest, and he fake screams in pain. He makes a show of it, hunching himself over while he drives and clutches at his chest, which you giggle at. He’s laughing as well, and it’s one of your “normal” moments that have become so few and far between. Just you and Jonathan, giggling in his car early in the morning as you drive to school, your laughter is just enough to keep the two of you warm.

Jonathan’s ladybug ring catches the morning light and the bee wrapped around your neck buzzes against your skin.

But “normal” never lasts long anymore, and you remember Nancy’s drunken eyes from last night and Steve’s loneliness in his voice when he asked you why everyone keeps leaving him. The memories cause your giggles to fade off, the small moment of joy now gone.

Jonathan sees your mood change and, because he’s always on the same page as you, purses his lips. “So… It’s now tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, remembering telling him last you’d talk about Steve and Nancy tomorrow. “It’s now tomorrow.”

“Why’d you insist on driving Steve home?”

The question is innocent enough, but you sense that how you answer it could change things. “He was upset.”

“Sure, but you almost bit my head off when I last asked about that guy. Then you wanted to drive him home?” Jonathan keeps his eyes on the road ahead of him, though he clenches his jaw ever so slightly. But you see it. You always see it.

“Bee… I had to, okay? Please, can we just leave it at that?” You don’t want to talk about your fucking feelings with the first boy you’ve ever loved, the boy who doesn’t love you back.

Jonathan swallows, takes another deep breath, and then nods. “I took Nancy home, like Steve asked. She was… Very drunk. Had to carry her into bed.”

“I’m sorry about that, too.”

“You didn’t shove alcohol down her throat.”

“No, but I did encourage her to go to that stupid party while she was fighting with Steve.”

“Steve and Nancy have been fighting?”

Shit. You forgot that Jonathan didn’t know.

“Okay, yes” you say, but right as Jonathan’s eyes light up, you’re quick to backtrack. “But if I tell you anything else, you have to swear to keep it between us. Got it?”

“I won’t say a word.”

You sigh, really hoping you aren’t breaking Nancy’s trust. Technically, she hadn’t asked you to keep your conversation from yesterday private, but… It feels wrong telling Jonathan about it. “Nancy and Steve have been fighting, yes, but not in the way you’d think.”

You’ve arrived at school, so Jonathan quickly parks the car before motioning for you to keep talking. “Go on, I’m curious now.”

“God, you’re a worse gossip than I am. Anyways, she’s mad at Steve for brushing off Barb’s death, in a sense. But also, like… Steve isn’t really brushing off Barb’s death? I think he just wants to help Nancy, those are his intentions, but he doesn’t know how. He thinks dinner dates, going to parties, and spending a lot of time together will get her mind off of things.”

Jonathan scoffs. “Well, babying Nancy won’t help.”

“I know, and you’re right, but Nancy should have expressed this to Steve better, don’t you think? I mean, we don’t know what happened last night, but it seems like she tried drinking away her anger towards him rather than actually talking to him.”

“And how can we know Steve wouldn’t just run away or something? Actually be up for it, be proactive rather than retroactive. It seems like Nancy needs to do something about Barb’s death.”

Frustration builds within you. “And what good does assuming something actually do? Assuming that Steve wouldn’t listen is wholly unfair and honestly, a bit rude. He’s her boyfriend, she can’t just assume he wouldn’t care. Steve has done everything he can to show he cares, that he loves her, so I think Nancy should be the one to voice her feelings and let him know what she needs. What she wants.”

Jonathan looks away. “And what should Nancy want, bug?”

You’re silent.

Somehow, you and Jonathan aren’t fighting about Steve and Nancy anymore.

“I… I don’t know.” You look out the window, watching as students pass by.

After a tense silence, Jonathan tries to crack a joke. “Oh, you’ll laugh at this! Caught Bob sneaking out the house like some shameful teenage boy this morning.”

You turn towards him now. “Why would I laugh at that? I think it’s sweet, your mom seems happy.”

“Sure, but…” Jonathan’s smile falters, not expecting you to be so stoic as a reaction. “He’s kinda a loser, you gotta admit.”

“Jonathan Byers, I literally had to save you from bullies, five times my size, as a girl, when we were twelve.”

“Okay, I didn’t mean it like that–”

“You should be nicer about Bob. He’s a good guy, he actually cares about you, Will, and your mom. After the hell you guys went through with Lonnie, you should be appreciative of Bob.” You’re so angry now, your fists shake with rage. “You have a healthy father figure in your life now, which I would kill to give Dustin, and even if you don’t like him, you’re luckier for it.”

Jonathan is quiet. He’s staring down at his steering wheel in shame, and you feel bad for snapping so suddenly. You aren’t sorry for your anger towards him, his attitude towards Bob has been bothering you for a while. However, it doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch about it just because of your own issues surrounding shitty dads.

“I’m sorry, bee. You have a right to feel uncomfortable about the change, but I just think you should give Bob a chance. I like the guy.” You offer, looking over at your friend tentatively.

“No, you’re right. I know you are, it just takes some getting used to, I guess.” He grabs your hand, gives it a squeeze as if to tell you it’s all good now, and you squeeze his hand back.

“Great drive to school today,” you quip.

Jonathan laughs. “God, I think I had about five heart attacks during those conversations.”

The tension leaves the car. Then, slowly, the warmth creeps back in as you and Jonathan once again start laughing. You’re not sure why you’re even laughing, but you’re happy that you are.

–

Jonathan walks you to your locker, as he always does, and before he turns to head to his, you notice how quiet it is in the hallway. You look over at Nancy’s locker, which somehow always manages to be near yours every year, and frown when you don’t see her.

“There’s a suspicious lack of Nancy and Steve making out against her locker this morning.” You tell Jonathan.

He looks around and notices you’re right. The two of you share a concerned glance, knowing that their absence can’t mean anything good for the couple.

“Should we go look for them?” He asks, but you’re already heading towards the parking lot to find Steve. “Y/N!”

“Go find Nancy!” You call behind you, speeding up. “I’ll meet you at first period!”

Steve’s car is hard to miss in the parking lot. Hawkins isn’t necessarily a flashy town. No one else besides the Harringtons owns a fancy BMW. You approach the car and spot Steve sitting in the front, his head ducked down as if no one can see his massive red car and easily identify him.

Idiot.

Steve is having a rough week, so he’s spent the last five minutes in his car debating on whether or not he can afford to skip his first class. Reasonably speaking, his dad would kill him. He already has shit grades and he’s missed three college application deadlines. All he has left is Tech. However, his girlfriend told him last night she doesn’t love him and Billy embarrassed him in front of everyone last night.

Plus Nancy left with Jonathan, which everyone saw.

He told him to take her, but still.

Pretty embarrassing.

Yup. Alright. He’s going home.

Steve reaches over for his keys to turn the car on, but before he can, a knock on his window stops him. He looks up, scared Billy will be there, but instead he sees you and he’s not sure if his day just got better or worse.

“Let me in, dingus.” Your voice is light, but still stern, and yeah. Steve’s day just got better.

He unlocks the door and you silently get into the passenger seat. As you get settled in, he thinks about the first time he ever had you in his car. It feels like a lifetime ago, Steve’s heart had been beating wildly taking the risk of offering you a ride.

It had been the start of something, he could feel it.

But then you left him that summer without another word, as if nothing had happened between the two of you. As if Steve hadn’t slowly come to find himself opening up to someone, trusting that you’d let him be whoever he wanted; he could just be Steve around you, not King Steve or even perfect boyfriend Steve.

Now Steve’s hiding out in his car, no longer King Steve or even good fucking boyfriend Steve, and instead of his girlfriend seeking him out to comfort him, it’s you. Because of course it’s you.

“Hey,” you say.

“Hi.”

“You know that senior study hall is inside the school, right?”

Steve looks over at you, not necessarily amused, but flattered nonetheless. “You know my class schedule?”

A blush spreads across your face as you look away from him, but Steve still sees it and something flutters in his chest. He’s always thought you were pretty when you blushed, but you’re even prettier when he’s the reason why.

“I pay attention,” you dodge.

Steve wants to tease you some more, play into the banter he missed the most when the two of you weren’t talking, but his heart isn’t in it. Nancy’s words kept him up all night. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could hear was her telling him that she didn’t love him. After he did everything he possibly could’ve done right, it still hadn’t been enough.

“Did Nancy get home okay?”

You give him a small smile. “Yeah, I just talked to Jonathan about it.”

Relief floods through Steve. At least that’s one thing he hadn’t fucked up last night. “Good… I’m glad then.”

He awkwardly clears his throat and looks away again. He doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore. He feels lost, floating through his morning. Nothing has felt real since yesterday in the library with Nancy, when she had been looking up at him with those eyes he’s always been weak for.

“Any particular reason you’re hiding out in your car?”

Steve lets out a bitter laugh. “You were there last night. You know what happened.”

“Actually, I don’t.” You see the disbelief on Steve’s face and quickly correct yourself. “I mean, I remember you saying something about Nancy but… I don’t want to assume, so…”

Now you’re the one looking away in shame, and Steve watches as you nervously fiddle with your fingers and bite your lip. You’re trying. Though Steve still isn’t sure how to feel about you, how much to test this new compromise between you two, this “friendship”, Steve knows he has to at least try as well.

He takes a deep breath. “Nancy… She isn’t in love with me.”

A beat of silence passes.

“Steve, I mean, are you sure–”

“Pretty fucking sure, Y/N. Unless you think someone telling their boyfriend ‘like we’re in love’ means she’s madly in love with him.”

Another beat of silence passes. Steve can see the pity in your eyes, and he hates it. He fucking hates this, feeling so pathetic and small.

Then, your hand slowly intertwines with his and the anger in Steve’s chest lessens a bit. “I know my words don’t mean anything, but… Nancy not being in love with you has nothing to do with you as a person.”

Something untangles in Steve’s chest; you’ve reassured him of something he hadn’t even known had been his fear. How do you always seem to decipher what he’s feeling before he can?

“How do you know?” Steve has never felt so small before.

You shrug, but there’s a calculated nonchalance to it that he can easily see. “Because I know you. You’re frustratingly charming, Harrington.”

Steve laughs, something he didn’t even know he was able to do anymore. “That’s your takeaway here?”

“Mhm,” you squeeze his hand and Steve has never felt this grounded before by such a small action. “I say you need to talk to Nancy, I mean really talk to her. No more half truths and appeasements. I think she does love you, in her own way, but the circumstances aren’t on your guys’ side. I mean, she went through hell and back last year, Barb’s death anniversary is soon.”

You pause for a moment and frown, which Steve has come to learn means you’re carefully choosing which words to say next. “I want you to know, no, I need you to know, that this has nothing to do with you. Okay?”

Steve wants to believe you, god he really wants to, but even he can see the blaring irony of you telling him that Nancy’s lack of love for him has nothing to do with him personally. You, the girl he came to trust more than anyone else in this awful town, ditched him in the same manner. Steve’s the common denominator there. He’s always the one left behind.

“Look, I appreciate what you’re saying, but the words don’t mean a whole lot coming from you right now,” Steve tells you, and he hates the way your eyes darken, as if guarding yourself from him. “I know we agreed on being friends again, but I just… I need some time.”

You nod, as if you expected something like that from Steve, and he almost wants to just drive away with you in the car and pretend that nothing else exists. Instead, he clears his throat, his tongue feels heavy and his throat threatens to close up, but he forces himself to get the words out. “I want to be alone, please.”

He really doesn’t want to be alone, but his brain is swimming in confusion and you’re still holding his hand and Steve just needs a moment to himself to just breathe.

“Of course,” you tell him, because of course you listen and understand. “You know where to find me, yeah?”

Steve nods. He does.

“Bye, Y/N.”

You give him a small wave in response, close the car door, and then make your way back to the high school.

Steve watches you fade into the distance.

He’s alone again.

–

Jonathan makes it to first period with only seconds to spare. He throws himself into his seat next to you with panting breaths. Your history teacher, Mrs. Kent, drones through attendance without having noticed anything.

“I couldn’t find Nancy.” Jonathan whispers, before his name is called and he quickly raises his hand and says, “Here.”

You glance at the chalkboard and then flip your textbook to the page scrawled on it. “I found Steve wallowing in his car, alone. Guess he didn’t drive Nancy to school?”

“Seems a bit harsh.”

“May I remind you of the time you threw a jacket at my face and then screamed at me that we aren’t family? All because you felt guilty about taking naked photos of Nancy?”

Jonathan drops his head onto the desk, letting out a groan. “I’m never living that down, am I?”

You keep your eyes on the board, taking a few notes. “Nope.”

Class starts up now, so the topic is left alone. The school day passes on, you and Jonathan separating for your own classes after history is done. The day drags on for a while, though you hear a few whispers in the hall about how Jonathan had taken home a drunk Nancy.

“God, it’s like she loves the attention.” One girl giggles with her friend while you’re at your locker.

Her friend rolls her eyes. “Please, as if anyone would choose Byers over Steve Harrington.”

“I’m more of a Wheeler fan myself,” you tell the girls, not even sparing them a glance. “Now, why don’t we all just shut up and move away from my locker?”

The girls scurry away, fear in their eyes, and you simply shake your head at them. Why is Nancy always the one those girls gossip about? Objectively speaking, Steve has done much more heinous things than getting a ride home from a friend while drunk.

Jonathan kisses your cheek as he walks up from behind you, breaking you from your thoughts. “Hey, bug. Lunch at my car today?”

“Ugh, it’s such a nice day today, I’d love to.” You grab your lunch from your locker. Once you have it, you link your arm through Jonathan’s. “Guide the way, good sir.”

“Yes ma’am.”

–

Nancy is leaning against Jonathan’s car when you walk outside.

Her shoulders are slouched and you can see the unease on her face. She looks tired, too. A few people walk by her and stare, whispering as they go, and you really hate high schoolers sometimes.

When you make it to Jonathan’s car, Nancy holds her lunch bag up awkwardly. “Can I join you guys?”

“I’m sure we can make some room.” You tell her, which she smiles at.

It takes some adjusting, but eventually the three of you manage to fit on the front of the car. You sit on the roof, your legs dangling off of the side, while Nancy and Jonathan take the front. The early November sun beats down on you three, but the cool breeze makes the sting less painful. It’s a lovely day, all things considered.

You’re nibbling on your sandwich when Nancy exhales deeply and turns to you. “Y/N, you’d always tell me the truth, right?”

“Depends,” you take another bite out of your food. “What is this in reference to?”

“Last night… I don’t remember what I did.”

There’s a certain shame in her eyes that tells you she encountered Steve before retreating to Jonathan’s car. “You spoke to Steve this morning, I take it?”

She looks at you, surprised. “How did you–”

“We talked to him last night.” Jonathan cuts her off, looking between you and Nancy nervously. He’s not sure where you, her, and Steve all fall in regards to each other.

“So, he asked you to take me home?” Nancy faces him now, and you go back to eating.

“Yeah. Yeah, I mean he was upset…” He glances at you briefly before looking back at Nancy. “I mean, he was really upset.”

“I don’t blame him.” You cut in, mouth full of chips you stole from Jonathan.

He sends you glare and keeps talking. “But he was still worried about you, Nance.”

Nancy drops her head down and a part of you feels bad for the quip. She really does look ashamed, but you distinctly remember warning her about this exact thing last year in the school’s shed. She had tried telling you there wasn’t anything between her and Jonathan, and all you could tell her was that Steve didn’t deserve to be lied to or cheated on.

Guess she only kept one end of that bargain.

Jonathan sees that she’s upset and he softens his voice, scooting closer to her. “Hey, you need to cut yourself some slack, okay? People say stupid things when they’re wasted. Things they don’t mean.”

You bite your tongue. Hard. If you allow yourself to speak, you won’t be able to guarantee it’ll be anything nice. Sure, being drunk can influence some words to slip out, but cruelly telling your boyfriend of over a year that you don’t love him is something you can’t defend. Not when Nancy had other chances to tell Steve.

Nancy whips her head up. “Yeah, but that’s the thing. What if I did mean it? All this time, I’ve been trying so hard to pretend like everything’s fine, but it’s not.”

You and Jonathan share a look. He seems more curious, you can feel the anger burning through your eyes.

“No offense, Nance.” You wipe your hands on a napkin and force the girl to look at you. “But this is really something that you should be talking to Steve about. Remember our conversation from last year?”

Nancy looks down again in shame. “You’re right, I know you are, but… I don’t know. I feel like there’s this…” She pauses, trying to figure out how to explain her thoughts, but Jonathan finishes for her.

“Like there’s this weight you’re carrying around with you. All the time. I feel it, too.” He says, then he flicks your leg. “Y/N does as well. She tries to hide it, but I know she feels it as much as I do.”

Now it’s you who turns away, embarrassed and ashamed. Clearly you haven’t been so good at hiding your neverending guilt over Will.

“Yeah, but it’s different for you guys. Will came home.” Nancy says.

You open your mouth to speak, to correct the girl’s horrible viewpoint, but Jonathan surprises you by correcting her himself. “Yeah, he did. But he’s not the same. I try to be there for him, you know, to help him, but… I don’t know.”

“Dustin still has nightmares.” You admit, which Jonathan hadn’t known.

“I thought those went away, bug.”

You shake your head at him. “No… If anything, they’ve only gotten worse. Some nights he sleeps in my bed, says I calm him down, but I just… I feel horrible, knowing I left them alone that night at the middle school. The things he saw… god.”

Nancy and Jonathan sigh, understanding how painful the weight of guilt can feel.

A silence follows your confession.

Then, because you hate when there’s silence, you try to go back to the previous topic. “Anyways, Nancy, what we’re trying to say is that we understand. And I’m sure Steve will, too. He was also there that night, at Jonathan’s. You should talk to him, explain the weight within you. Steve, he…”

You find yourself pausing, unsure if what you’re about to tell Nancy is something Steve would want you to keep between you two, but he misses her. He loves her, so you try to fix whatever you can between them. “He thinks he did something wrong, that he’s unlovable. It isn’t fair to make someone feel that way.”

Nancy sighs. “I didn’t know that.”

“I know, but now that you do, you should probably do something about it. You guys can still go back to how things were.”

Jonathan frowns. “What if things can’t go back to the way they were? I mean, Will still thinks he’s in the Upside Down sometimes. I’ve seen the way Dustin gets scared when he hears a loud noise.”

A phantom pain shoots through your ankle. It’s long since healed, but sometimes memories from last year still sting. As you’re absentmindedly rubbing at it, Nancy notices and starts to get upset.

“Doesn’t that make you mad?”

“Mad?” You and Jonathan ask at the same time.

Nancy seems to almost come back to life, her anger now bringing energy back into her. “Yeah, that those… Those people who did this, who ruined so many lives, they just get away with it.”

“The people responsible for this, they’re dead.” Jonathan gently reminds her.

Nancy leans in close, bitterness in her voice as she narrows her eyes. “Do you really believe that?”

Jonathan frowns again and you do the same. If you’re being honest, you were also pretty skeptical about the whole evil scientists at Hawkin’s Lab all dying. Seemed like a pretty convenient thing to happen. But what else are you supposed to believe?

Nancy looks between you and Jonathan and sighs again. You know she’s upset by your unwillingness to look further, to question everything, but then you watch as her eyes drift towards some kid with his headphones and his walkman. Something shifts in her gaze and you know immediately that she’s thought of something.

You scoot closer in a hurry. “Nancy, whatever it is–”

“Your mom’s boyfriend,” she looks over at Jonathan. “He works at RadioShack, right?”

“Yeah… Why?” Jonathan looks over at you as if you have any possible explanation, and you just shrug at him. “What are you thinking?”

“Do you wanna skip fourth period?”

Immediately you hop down from the car. “No. Nope. Not happening. We aren’t doing this again.”

Nancy groans at you. “Y/N, I haven’t even explained my plan to you yet.”

“Okay, go on. Explain it, so I can then say no.”

Nancy does as she’s told, and it’s a fucking brilliant plan. You know it’ll work, and that’s why you can’t do it. Buying a tape recorder, planting a fake meetup with Barb’s mom to con the Hawkin’s Lab people into taking them in, and then recording whatever they confess to take it to the detective Barb’s parents hired.

It’s a genius plan, but you can’t leave the kids behind for that long.

“I can’t go.”

Jonathan looks disappointed. “Bug, don’t you want to make those assholes pay?”

“I do,” you reassure him. “But I can’t afford to leave the kids behind for two whole days. I mean, last time I did they opened a portal to another dimension. And Dustin has been acting weird lately, and Will’s been having those episodes more and more and I just… What if it’s happening again?”

Your voice shakes a bit with fear, and Jonathan pulls you into him. “We don’t know that.”

“But what if it is? Who would be there for them? We can’t just leave them to suffer the consequences alone while we’re trying to avenge them.”

While you’re still wrapped in Jonathan’s arms, Nancy rests her own hand against your shoulder. “I would feel better knowing the kids are in good hands. You’ve always been their biggest advocate.”

You thank the girl, but Jonathan still seems unsure about leaving you behind. “What about you? Who’s gonna be there for you if something happens?”

There, hidden underneath his words, you know he’s really asking how can I protect you if you aren’t within arm’s reach?

You bury your face into his chest, and Nancy seems to get the message and looks away. When you have some privacy, you look up at Jonathan. “I’ll be okay, bee. I promise. We can call every day you’re away, nothing will go uncommunicated this time. No secrets. You’ll be home in no time and I’ll be right here, safe and sound.”

He kisses your head. “Promise me you’ll be safe.”

“I should be telling you that.”

“Y/N…” he isn’t laughing, and you can hear how fast his heart is pounding. He’s terrified to leave you behind, but you know that this is what you have to do.

“I love you, and I’ll be right here. Come home to me, alright?”

“I will.” He promises, and you look into his eyes and see all the warmth and sincerity that you’ve come to love so much, and you believe him.

After a few moments, you finally pull away from him. You clear your throat and turn towards Nancy. “Okay, now that we’ve got that settled, I’m assuming I’m covering for y’all?”

She nods. “If you wouldn’t mind, can I tell my mom I’m at your place?”

“Duh, and Jonathan,” you flick his forehead, breaking the remaining tension away. “I’ll tell your mom you’ll be at my place as well. Sound good?”

He nods as well, though his eyes linger on you longer than they should.

“Well!” You clap your hands and stand between Nancy and Jonathan. “Great team meeting, gang. Let’s reconvene in two day’s time.”

Nancy laughs and pulls you into her own hug.

“I’ll keep him safe,” she whispers into your ear, and you exhale shakily. The weight of everything has finally settled in. You can’t believe you’re doing this. A part of you feels like you’ve just solidified something horrible, not agreeing to come along, but the other part of you, maybe even the larger part, is secretly relieved.

You’re not sure what to make of it.

“Thank you.” You whisper back, squeezing her tightly.

When you break apart, you pull Jonathan into yet another hug. “Stay safe, bee.”

“I will.”

“Good,” you pull away and give the two teens a thumbs up. “Break a leg, go expose some weird government agency!”

–

True to your word, you cover for Jonathan and Nancy the rest of the day. Teachers ask where they are and you simply tell them they both had a family emergency. Thankfully, due to living in such a small and rundown town, they don’t question it.

After school, you head over across the street to the middle school to go pick up Will and Dustin. Since Jonathan drove you to school and took his car with Nancy, you’ll have to hitch a ride on your brother’s bike pegs to work.

When you reach the school you walk towards the bike rack, expecting to see the boys all standing there about to leave, but you stop when you realize that they aren’t.

Huh. Odd.

You wander around. It’s been years since you’ve been inside the middle school, and the hallways are filled with memories. You walk towards the AV room, figuring they’re probably there to discuss whatever new project they’re working on. As you round the corner, you hear pounding and a girl’s voice demanding to be let in.

Speeding up, you spot Max with her angry fists. “Guys! What’s going on? C’mon!”

You watch for a moment, curious as to who this girl is. Dustin spoke highly of her, yet her brother is the worst person you’ve met in your life. She has an anger in her, that much is obvious, but then she grabs something from her bag and begins to pick at the lock.

Hm, she’s smart.

“Need some help?” You ask her.

She looks up at you and frowns. “And who are you?”

“Y/N Henderson. Unfortunately, the idiot that I’m assuming is locked inside the room is my brother.”

“You know how to pick a lock?” Max asks, eyeing you up and down.

Shrugging, you say, “can’t be too hard.”

Max seems to accept that as an answer and slides over, making room for you to crouch down next to her. You help her jimmy the paperclip into the door. Then, you hear some muffled yelling from the other side. What the fuck has your brother gotten up to this time?

“I’m gonna put a leash on that kid,” you mumble, and Max laughs.

“Do they do this a lot?”

You blow a piece of hair out of your face. “Yeah. They’re weird, honestly–”

The lock clicks, the door flings open, and suddenly a tiny, slimy creature comes scampering out the room. You hear the boys curse and before you can get up and out of their way, they come crashing into you and Max on the ground.

“Shit!” Dustin knees your forearm and you groan.

“Y/N!” His eyes widen when he sees you. He’s been caught.

Max gets up. “What was that?”

Lucas ignores her. “He’s getting away!”

“Who is getting away?” You’re finally up as well, watching as the boys start to scramble around in a panic.

Mike, seemingly unsurprised by your sudden appearance, turns to you. “Dart!” Then, in annoyance, he turns towards Max. “You let him escape!”

“What the fuck is a Dart?” You’re freaking out now. Lucas, hearing your confusion, can only shrug his shoulders at you.

Then, Dustin angrily advances towards Mike and starts yelling in his face. “Why did you attack him?”

Mike doesn’t say a word, he just starts to run down the hall. Dustin, even more in a panic, screams at him, “Don’t hurt him! Don’t you hurt him!”

You grab at your brother’s jacket and fling him back, now incredibly fucking angry. “Dustin Henderson, you have three seconds to explain what the fuck is happening.”

Lucas, Max, and Will stand back, frightened by your anger. Dustin, the only one who ever seems to face this anger, gulps. “I can explain.”

“Start. Talking.”

And he does. He explains how he had found Dart last night, thinking it had been some new lizard breed previously undiscovered. That’s why he hadn’t let you into his room. Then, to prove he was some scientific prodigy and, which he doesn’t tell you but you suspect, to impress Max.

“I was about to show Mr. Clark before Mike came in and took Dart. According to Will…” Dustin looks over at Max, lowers his voice, and whispers to you, “he’s from the Upside Down.”

And there it is.

There, the dread that has been creeping up on you ever since you saved Will, comes crawling up. You knew this would happen eventually. It’s happening again. You were right.

God, it’s happening again.

Thank fuck you stayed behind with the kids.

You want to throw up, crawl into a ball and pretend nothing else exists anymore, but Dustin is looking at you with fear in his eyes and you know you have to be strong for him. For all the kids, now. “Okay, let’s split up and find Dart.”

Dustin nods and sends Will southbound, Lucas westbound, and Max towards the gymnasium. You go with him, both because he’s your brother and because you have a few choice words you’d like to say to him. Everyone takes a walkie and splits up.

Mike is already long gone, which you’re not surprised by.

After everyone leaves, you snap at Dustin. “Thanks so much for telling me about Dart, by the way.”

“Y/N…”

“What exactly did you think you’d do with that thing hidden in our house?”

“Continue to hide it from you–ow!” Dustin rubs the back of his head.

You continue to walk. “You deserved that.”

“I did.”

You laugh, but then you feel a sense of static behind you. You turn around, but there’s no one there. But the static had felt like the same electricity that had accompanied El’s powers last year, but… No. She’s gone. You know she is.

Brushing it off as paranoia, you continue to keep an eye out for Dart. “So, what does Max think about all this?”

“Mike won’t let us tell her.” Dustin says, annoyance in his voice.

This doesn’t shock you. “I get why. I mean, we all almost died last year.”

“Yeah, but she’s different. She’s cool, I think she could be good for the party.”

Dustin seems so eager, and you feel bad for denying the boy. “She’s too young. You’re all too young for this. We can’t rope her any further into the Upside Down. It wouldn’t be fair to her.”

Your brother sighs. “I mean, I guess… but–”

Will’s voice suddenly comes through the walkie. “Guys, I found him.”

“Where?” Dustin fumbles with the walkie, almost dropping it in his frantic rush to answer.

“In the bathroom by Mr. Salerno’s.”

“Copy that.” Mike says.

You look over at Dustin. “Race you to the bathroom?”

“You’re on.”

The two of you start to run, and at first you’re winning. But then you forget that you haven’t been in the school for at least three years now and you take a wrong turn, misremembering where Mr. Salerno’s room is. “Shit!”

You backtrack, but Dustin is long gone now.

By the time you get your bearings back, Lucas, Mike, and Max have all run down the hallway towards the bathroom. You join them as you all run inside. Dustin is standing in the middle of the bathroom, which you find strange.

Mike looks around. “Where’s Dart?”

“I don’t know. Not here.” You eye your brother, but he averts your gaze.

“Will said he was here.” You remind him, but Dustin doesn’t respond.

Mike curses and starts checking all the stalls.

“Maybe Will has him?” Dustin says, but you keep an eye on him. Something isn’t right.

You’re about to call Dustin’s bluff, accuse him of lying, when Mike suddenly freezes. He looks around, then turns to you. “Where’s Will?”

You turn around and finally notice that yeah, Will isn’t here. But he had just radioed from the bathroom.

“I… I don’t know.” Fear settles in you now, and you have an awful feeling that something bad is about to happen. After his episode from the night before…

You run out the bathroom, the first to start looking for Will.

-

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[xstarkillerx]

Okay but how would Anakin react to a short ass trying to top him. Because i cannot shake the need to dominate Anakin. Like i just wana pounce and wrestle him into submission before fucking his brains out. I want to ruin him. But i know even without the force its physically not possible as a 4'9 ankle biter but my god the thoughts wont stop 😭😭😭

LEEEEEEET'S TALK ABOUT IT, and I apologize if this ends up being a long tangent, but as a 4'11 switch who's had more submissives than dominants, I feel you! While there are always exceptions, the reality is we will likely never be able to have a dominance style that relies on intimidation or physically overpowering people, but that doesn't mean dominance is an impossibility!

Thinking about this from an Anakin-centric perspective, I'm gonna be honest, even if you WERE taller, stronger, aided by the force, you still wouldn't be able wrestle him into submission because that's Anakin H. Skywalker, that's Darth Vader, that's the Hero With No Fear, it's a losing battle regardless. But like I said, there are other ways to dominate, and what you have is the benefit of a misleading appearance.

Anakin is a cocky man who is often blinded by his love and desire, with that it'd be more of a game of easing him into submission and not showing your cards until he's on his back with his eyes rolling into his head and no clue how you got him there.

If it were me, I'd start playful, right. Distract him from whatever little droid or trinket he's modding in his spare time with a deep kiss and strategic brush of his jaw that implies more. Pull away, but only a little, enough to make him want to close the gap again and when he tries to, pull away entirely. It's bait and you'll see it in his eyes, intrigue for what exactly you're playing at. With your fingers tucked behind his belt, pull him with you; lead him to the bed and kiss him again, stripping off his outer robes and tabards, leaving nothing but his base layers. Before he can get you on your back, make sure his legs are right up against the bed so you can push him against it and climb on top of him.

Understand that, while caught off guard by this, Anakin still probably won't take you seriously at this point, but he's playful when he wants to be and he'd be amused if anything, so you're in a good spot. Keep an unsuspecting ere about it for now though, like you don't quite know what you're doing yet, like you're playing dress up. He'll put his hands on your hips and guide you back and forth against his hardening dick, "explaining to you" with his body what comes next when one is on top. Keep grinding, run your fingers against his skin, kiss his neck and jaw and what little of his chest is exposed while you rub yourself on him until he can't help but grind back. Pull his trousers low on his waist until his cock is exposed. Get him so hard and wanton that he begins digging his dull nails into your thighs, itching to flip you over and put himself on top. When his fingers curl under you, shove your hands beneath the hem of his shirt.

Tease your fingers over the expanse of his body and gyrate faster on his bare cock, as if you're the one losing control. Scrape the side of his ribs with your nails and listen to how the biting pain makes him purr. Kiss him through it. Bring his shirt higher until it lifts over his head and up the expanse of his broad shoulders, his biceps, then his elbows and that's where you spread your hands out over the fabric, locking it tight against his arm and putting your whole weight down on the bed.

It's an awkward restraint position to be in. I honestly think his initial thought would be that you meant to go for the wrists but aren't tall enough, however, you're exactly where you need to be. At his wrists, he'd have the option of using the full strength of his arms to break free; simple pivot from the shoulder is all it would take, but in this position, all he has is his upper arm strength and the awkward flailing at anything below the elbow. Could he break out of it? Oh absolutely, but the chains are the easy part, it's what goes on in here that's hard, Mentally you've already got him halfway there anyway. I personally think he'd be so intrigued from the moment he realized you're serious about this, that somehow you got him locked down with your pretty chest in his face, that he wants to see you go through with it now. Remember how hard you made him, remember that he's already dripping to be inside you.

Before his amusement runs out and he uses the full extent of his power to flip you over and have his way with you, get up close to his ear and make sure he knows "if you try to get free, I'll stop. Now put your cock in me." He'll have just enough range of motion in his arms to guide it into you with the force.

Now have fun fucking his brains out ♥️

Never underestimate your ability to be dominant, to take control of a scene. In my opinion dominance and submission is less about inherent power, but rather how power is transfered from one person to another, is it coaxed? Is it given on a silver platter, bent over in supplication? Is it won, is it bartered for? Everyone has their own way of getting and giving.

Contrast, unconventionality, the mental game of it, that's what's beautiful to me about BDSM now go forth and be a tiny Dom ♥️♥️♥️💖

[spiderrrling]

Everything I never told you

summary - your best friend eddie tells you something he really wishes he would have told you sooner | 900 words

warnings - so much angst, reader is in the hospital after taking eddies place in season 4

a/n - sad about ruining your hand? channel it into angst, im genuinely so sorry but i think it's some of my best writing in a bit

"Hey there Trouble," his fingers grazed over your cheek, and he swears he can see the slightest twitch in your eye, hope he wishes won't be empty. Falling down in the chair next to you, normally he would be afraid to wake you from your sleep, a fear quickly subsided.

"you know I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to even start talk to you like this," Eddies voice quivered as his hand latched onto yours tighter than before, his burning hot skin against your ice cold, a touch he used to be so familiar with now turned into something grotesque, ugly even.

"you're here, physically I can see you, I can touch you," he squeezed your hand at that comment, "but you, the you that I know isn't here, I can't see that little glint in your eye as you come up with our next prank, I can't hear your laugh as I make the same lame joke for the millionth time, the you that completes me isn't here," his voice shakes again, whatever sliver of control he had mustered up slipped away from the moment he saw you.

"and you know what, I can't help but blame myself for it, it's my fault, I should have stopped you I should have done something, I should have-" his voice breaks, the hand that isn't holding yours covers his mouth in an attempt to conceal the pain slipping through his mask.

He's shoulding himself again, a common occurrence for someone in this state, everything he knew he should have said. The things that slip through the cracks waiting for the perfect moment before re appearing. But there is no such thing as a perfect moment is there?

It's just the lie we tell ourselves when we are too afraid to say what we really want to say.

But if there ever was a perfect moment, Eddie was sure it couldn't be this.

Lidded eyes, pillows of prisine white bandages slowly turning pink, fanned out hair over threadbare hospital sheets.

Nothing can be heard, other than your deep machine made breaths mixing with his panicked shallow ones.

"I'm sorry I haven't been here, another thing I should have done. "But seeing you- seeing you here means it's real, it means nightmares I could not even dare to dream now stand at my doorstep taking the form of you."

His fingers lace with yours, your grip weak and feeble in his. He probably couldn't remember all the times you held hands, but he knew the feeling of your limp hand in his would haunt him for years to come.

"Lots of people have been though, you would laugh if you knew how many bouquets of flowers that line this room, or the amount of stuffed animals," he takes a second to look around the room before continuing "You're so loved, so loved, no one more than me."

"I wasn't sure what to bring you, you'd hate flowers, make a comment about how they'd wilt before you even got a chance to see them. But it wont shock you to know, Wayne figured it out in the end," he paused, using his free hand to pull something from his bag and placing it in a free spot on the table beside you.

A mug.

Blue with flowers.

The one Wayne bought for you after he realized he considered you family.

It was perfect.

"Yeah it's pretty damn good don't you think, beats all the teddy bears bought at the gift shop if you ask me," he was still holding your hand, terrified of letting you go because he didn't know if he would be able to grab a hold of you again only to be met with no response.

"It's my fault-" he repeats again, "it's my fault you're-" dying, he wants to say it, the word stays deathly silent but they might as well be the loudest thing in the room.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for all I did, for all I didn't do, for everything I never told you, for all of it I'm so sorry,"

Did you even know what was happening? He had no choice but to believe you did.

"It's ok if you can't fight anymore, it's ok to rest, I just need you to know the last thing I should have done, I should have told you I love you,"

"Not like I do every day, I am in love with you and that is all that I need you to know. The way you never give up on me, the way you talk to Wayne, the way you make me feel when you look at me as if I'm the only other person you share this world with, I'm in love with all of it." Tears had long ago formed in his eyes while he struggled to choke out the words he wishes for you to know.

"I won't bother you for long, I'll let you rest now," Eddie stood up, pressing his lips to your forehead, letting himself linger for more than he should.

"I love you," he whisperes softly against your skin, before finally dropping your hand back into the tussled bedsheets beneath.

thank you for reading <3 comments and reblogs are very appreciated!!

[mx-darling-1]

I don't know if you're taking requests or not but if you are then could I get a wally x g/n reader who nearly passes out of being dehydrated and too hot?

This almost happened to me today (thankfully someone was around)

Please disregard if you find it triggering at all, have a good day

Absolutly! My requests are always open!

This was definitly a bit theraputic for me to write! I've struggled some with stuff thats caused me to be in that situation far more times then I'm proud of. Remember, always drink electrolytes if your going to be out in the heat! I'm no doctor but thats whats always helped me! TW: Dehydration, poor eating/hydration habits, and fainting/blacking out

Wally Darling X Dehydrated GN Reader A Summer Picnic

This was youre first summer in your new neighbor hood, and it was far hotter then anywhere youve ever lived. Usually as long as you wore lighter clothes you were fine in the summer. You often forgot to hydrate and sadly today was no different. You were in a pair of jean shorts and a tank top, something light for your picnic this afternoon. You were honestly excited, your first summer, and first date with Wally Darling. It is going to be absolutly amazing, at least thats what you thought. But, you hadnt eaten all morning so you would have an appetite for lunch. What you forgot to take into account was that you went to bed without dinner the night before simply because you were exaughsted.

Your date with Wally was going amazing y'all had been eating and chatting, a beautiful red blanket drapped across the perfect green grass. Being seated under the sun, you didnt even notice the heat against your skin or the sweat that began to bead off of you. You just happily chatted away with Wally, a bright smile on youre face. The two of you talked about anything and everything, but your vision began to get blurry. "Hey Wally, did we remember drinks?" Wally thinks for a moment before responding to you. "Oh dear, I can't believe I forgot! They are on the counter in Home!" You couldnt help but laugh gently, knowing that Wally meant no harm by this small accident. "Okay, then I'll go get it!" Without a second thought you stood up from the blanket and oh no.

Your vision begain to go black, white balls of lights appearing as your balance began to faulter. You didnt realize you were falling until you awoke in Wallys arms, him desperately fanning your face. "Neighbor! You fell over! Are you okay? Oh dear, we really must get you inside. I'm sure Home wont mind!" Wally stands up, you in his velvety arms. Thats something you dont know if youll ever get used to, he's almost two feet shorter yet can hold you with ease. Though...he eats with his eyes...so you suppose the size difference doesnt mean much here.

You didnt even realize you were at Home, so lost in your thoughts and stuggling to focus. You probably wouldnt have noticed if it werent for Wally speaking up. "Hello Home, please open up. Our dear neighbor fainted outside and I must get them cooled off." Home creaks with concern before opening its doors to let Wally get you inside. After only a few moments you were laying across Wallys couch, your date in the kitchen, although you arent quiet sure what he's up to. In fact, you had no idea until he walked back in. He was holding a damp towel; a bottle of water that seemed to be cold, well you assume so from the condensation; and he had a thermometer.

Wally walks right over to you and places the cold damp towel against your forehead. "Hey, do you know why you fainted like that darling?" Usually you'd be far more flustered from the nickname, but you were far to dizzy and exaughsted to pay that much attention. "Mm...I forgot to drink....I'm sorry Wally...I didn't mean to ruin our date." Wally shakes his head gently, handing you the cold water. "Drink up precious neighbor." You took the water bottle, opening it up and taking a few sips. Only once you took your first swallow did Wally began to talk again.

"You dont need to apologize to me dear. I still loved our date, and your health is more important to me then some picnic." Wally gently moves hair out of your face before placing the thermometor on your forehead. "I'll make sure you drink more from now on. I wouldnt want you to get sick or faint again like this. Especially if no one was there to catch you...oh dear well that would just be no good." The thermometer beeps and Wally checks it, a small sigh of relief leaving him as he puts it down on the stand beside the couch. "How....are you not mad at me?...I ruined our date..."

Wally cant help but shake his head, kissing your forehead before responding. "I would never be mad at you for something like this Darling. I doubt I could ever be angry with you for anything. I love you [Name], thats why I invited you on a date. If your health would make me upset with you, would I really love you?" You couldnt help but smile, leaning into Wally as he places a hand on your cheek. "Thank you Wally..." Wally strokes your cheek with his thumb, looking down at you adoringly. "Dont thank me dear neighbor, caring for you is a pleasure to me. Not a favor I'm doing, but something I do because I want to. Becuase I love you [Name], I truly do."

I hope you liked this chapter! I definitely enjoy writing Wally fluff, so I'm probably just going to keep requests open at all time! That way I can work on stories whenever! This request was really nice, but please make sure to take care of yourself!

[amzthycrazzy]

I want the most graphic detailed down right down bad junkrat smut you can give me. or pharah, pharah works too (I love her!!)

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OFC!! There's not much smut of my poor handsome man

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A warming explosion

Junkrat x Junker!reader. !NSFW!

Reader is female.

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Warnings : NSFW,face riding, p in v, make out session, degrading, rutting, MENTIONS of biting, 2 rounds in this, reader calls Junkrat a pervert (just once)

Setting : Greasy Junkertown gas station lol

Enjoy!

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The sun was blazing, the sweater full of holes and stitches covered your waist, your tank top exposing the chest, covered in sweat as you work on the motorcycle outside of the gas station your family owned. It was yours, adorned in stickers and writings like : a sticker of junk, a possum and other animals you've seen in junkertown. Writing pointing to the handles "(NAMES) DO NOT TOUCH! OR YOU WONT HAVE HANDS AT ALL!!!"

you fixed up the engine before hearing the ground rumble and shake, a engine loud and bust came from the left side of the road, you look at the loud motorcycle and see Junkrat and roadhog, covered in jewels and money, you stroll the motorcycle to the side and let them slide into your motorcycles spot, spitting in a bucket than speaking. "What can I do ya for today mates?" You ask, the toothpick in your mouth moving with your lips. "AAA LIL'OL TOUCH UP NEVA DO NO JUNKA A HARM! WE BUSTED OUR UH... THINGY ON THE WAY HERE TO SAY HI SO! HERE'S A REASON!" His busted up voice yells, he should stop yelling but he never will, and your used to it. "Alright, just let me hand ya some water, it's on me." You hand them the water, 2.25 dollars outta ya check won't do any harm. As you expect, Junkrat chugs it down and roadhog puts it in a can so he can drink it later. He stays more hydrated than Junkrat. You allow them to help you with it, telling you what to add, they get more than a fix, like a change for the steel, and you hand them some stickers to slap on while you fix the engine. Shining it after and allowing them to awe at it as you put the wrench away, slamming the motorcycle top. "There ya'go mate. Should fix it up a bit,but rest assured your good to go junk." You allow them to do a test on it, you watch as they roar up and down the long dusty road, chuckling when Junkrat starts jumping and running towards you. "DID YA SEE THAT MATE! oooOooO! THIS IS A GOOD ONE!" He does a prayer motion with his hand as he giggles. Roadhog whispers something in his ear and Junkrat shivers. You can hear a "alright.." and "yeah yeah I won't mess this up!" Come from Junkrat, even if he's whispering you can still hear him. He walks over to you and coughs, he's nervous, you can tell. "A-alright.. so basically.. me n roadhog uh.. well just me.. wanted to know if you uh.. wanted to maybe.. be in a relationship..!-" , he was so nervous. It was cute. "Aww.. of course junke, It would be a crime if I said no to you."

He smiles stupidly and hugs you, roadhog drives off, you close up for the night and hang out with Junkrat. He was so touchy, and you loved it, his metal hand and real one rubbed against your soft flesh, massaging your stomach as he kisses your neck. Shuffling whenever you moved against him.

He giggled and whimpered whenever you called him a pervert for staring to long, his body and yours close together, he grinned Everytime you're lips would leave his. Until things started to get heated, the sounds of moaning were heard from the mechanics room as you road Junkrat, the sounds of your skin slapping together had a toll on the poor junker that loved bombs, the sweat trickling from his forehead as he whimpers your body leaving his before slamming back down onto him. The make out session while you were riding him had you both scavenging for air, his bite marks in your skin being traced by his hands, soon he switched it up pulling you into a full nelson, even though he was skinny, he sure as hell was strong. His name slipping through your lips as each thrust took even more breath out of you. "Jamie..! Fuckkkk- plleaseee..!" You moan. Your nails digging into his skin. He digs even deeper, cumming into your body. Letting you fall back and regan your strength, before awkwardly asking you to ride his face. "I- I got a question.. you know that thing were the woman sits on the-" "of-HIC!-course i'll ride your face.." he allows you to sit on his face, you didn't put all of your weight on him, since you were afraid of suffocating him, but he grabbed your hips and pushed you farther into him. You body shivering from the overstimulation.

You whimper as he lathers up your juices, his cum and yours mixed together are like a fever dream. He's eating you like your his last meal. Except he's taking his time, every space, he touches with his tounge, you grind on his face, your body giving out as you cum, covering his face in your fluids. Whimpering as he lifts you off of him, cuddling with you. Rubbing your sore hips. You cuddle with him as you fall asleep.

The morning...

You wake up with him gone, and you cleaned up and warm.. you wake to the door being slammed open aswell. "Good mornin- my sweetie bomb!~"

He places some breakfast on your lap. It looks way to good to be his making... Than he says it. "Uh- roadhog made this!.. he told me to get out of the kitchen before I BLOW IT UP! HAHAHAH!-" he laughs, but then quiets down as you kiss him. Thanking him for last night and pulling him in a hug.

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I HOPE THIS IS OK, I'm on a trip yet I do need to feed u before I leave LMAOO

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[legofemme]

I have a lot of Thoughts wrt terastalization in the pokemon world and people. Mostly headcanons for fun and not anything serious . Gonna put em under a readmore bc its Long and bc theres spoilers for the end of sv in here 👍

Firstly: Tera crystal radiation and Terastalization itself

I headcanon that terastalization is some sort of magic radiation thing . A pokemons tera type is innate but can be changed (albeit rarely, and it takes a lot) and the terastalization process forces that to the front, making the pokemon appear more like its tera type. So like. In the pokemon world, i dont think terastalization looks like that . No big stupid hat. I think the pokemon just takes on some of the physical attributes of another pokemon that has the tera type as their main typing. So, my lapras has her tera type as steel. If i were to terastalize her, shed take on steel type attributes, maybe bisharp for example. Her fins would turn metallic like blades and her horn would get sharper. The shimmering sparkling of a terastalized pokemon is just residual tera energy hanging in the air like radiation particles in photos. However, these minor transformations and type changes take a lot of energy from both the pokemon and the tera orb. Hence only being able to terastalize once per battle and once per charge. Though i will say that i think that pokemon who consistently terastalize- like gym leader aces- will start to have those tera transformations stay in their normal forms

Secondly: Humans are pokemon.

This is hotly debated in the fandom and also within canon?? But. Imo humans are pokemon. The same way were animals. So it means. Every human has an innate tera type. As well. The only reason people dont notice and dont know is because 1: terastalizing like we see it can typically only be done with pokemon in pokeballs 2: even pokemon that terastalize outside of this dont do it for long (the random tera encounters) because again, it takes a lot of energy, and we can assume that wild pokemon have a trigger for terastalization the same way caught pokemon do. And, like other pokemon, humans will experience physical changes upon terastalizing

Thirdly: Area Zero

Using the radiation comparison is great for Area Zero where the air is described as being "weird". And you can see why when you get to the caves at the bottom of the area and see the massive tera crystals growing there. I think that area zero is the one place (with a couple of exceptions that are vaguely dlc spoilers, which i wont get into here) where humans can get close to- and actually- terastalize. With changes becoming more intense the deeper into the area you go . THAT SAID i have . Examples ♥️

1: at the top of area zero, where most of the crystals are still far away, you only feel mild tingling the same way someone would around a normal terastalized pokemon

2: going down towards the bottom is where things get Weird. Your skin would start to feel 'sparkly' And your eye color would change to match your tera type. Not smthn super noticeable but its There

3: in the cave itself your eyes Really change color and base body functions and instincts will shift to align with your tera typing. So, youre a grass tera youll want to be in the sun. If youre an ice tera you get cold to the touch, etc etc

4: at the bottom of the cave is where things get really fucky, and depending on how long youre down there you can start to see physical changes like fur/grass/metal growth, face shifting, etc etc. if youre in a building- like the lab stations or the massive lab itself- theres protection against the changes. But youll definitely start to see them if youre out with the giant crystals completely in the open

And a helpful little image guide ♥️

[takobaki]

𓆩♡𓆪 Snowy innocence 𓆩♡𓆪 // PT: 3

彡Like a kid in a candy shop彡

˗ˏˋSams shop´ˎ˗

A/N: So this one has a bit of Alkni's backstory or well the events leading up to her being transported to NRC lol, also Ik what imp means just in case lmao

Fun fact Alkni's name is pronounced Alk-e even though that isn't the actual way to say the name

Word count:

WARNING:

Other parts here

"Welcome to Mister S's Mystery Shop! My friends on the other side tell me you came here looking for something. Ee hee hee!" Sam said as he waved to the the Octavinelle students, a warm and welcoming smile on his face "Oh- Whose that little imp!" Same asked as he pointed to Alkni, who only buried her face into Floyds neck, trembling slightly

"That's what we're hoping you would tell us" Azul said as he grabbed Alkni, setting her on the ground. "Do you think you could get your friends on the other side to help us find out" He continued while gently rubbing the 5 year old girls head. Sam let out a hum as he nodded, before turning to Alkni with a smile "Of course I can, my store will meet anyone's needs! Now little imp, what's your name" Sam asked as he slightly bent down to look at the little girl, before turning around to grab her a octopus shaped lollipop

Alkni happily took the candy from him, quickly popping it in her mouth as Sam let out a quiet chuckle. "A...Alk...n..i" The 5 year old girl spoke as she grabbed Azul's pant leg, still slightly weary of Sam

"How are we supposed to even feed that- that- kid if we cant even feed ourselves!?" Yelled the woman, venom lacing her tone as she slammed her fists against the creaky wooden table "Just throw her out again. She'll probably find some way to eat and maybe someone will take her so we don't have to deal with her" The light haired male said as he leaned back, his head resting against the wall as he picked at his teeth. Alkni flinched hard as she peeked through the door leading into the room they were talking in, as tears grew in her eyes. Quickly wiping her tears with her scarred fist, she quietly went to find even the smallest bits of food so she wouldn't have to go hungry for as long as she currently has

Sitting on the cold ground, the little hugged her knees close to her chest as she listened to the people happily chatting with one and another, completely obvious to the child left all alone again. Pushing herself up with the help of the wall, she peeked over the corner of her hiding place, hoping to find maybe a food vendor or a new shop that might've opened. Taking a step out, she reluctantly walked over to the bakery since there where no such things that she had hoped for, while silently begging that the owner would maybe allow her to get something this one time Peeking in through the large windows, she saw that there seemed to be a new person working there, making her eyes light up in hope. Yet all that hope went down the drain as she felt a hand grip her arm tightly. "What did I tell you about trying to steal from my shop. How many times do I need to kick you out for you to understand that you. aren't. getting, Anything" The owner hissed, his tone full of venom as he glared at the small girl, making her winch as turned her head away. The man clearly didn't know of her situation as if he did, he may have been nicer- or not. Dragging her harshly through the streets, he turned a corner, appearing in a rather messy alleyway, pieces of glass and cardboard littering the floor, as he tossed her down harshly onto the dirty floor, causing pieces of glass to cut her skin. "If you ever come back again to my shop, I wont hesitate to call the police on you like I should've done awhile ago" The man hissed before walking away Alkni attempted to push herself up, her hands trembling as they got nicked on the small shards of glass, making her let out quiet yelps. As the extremely small childs stomach let out a rumble, she sat against the wall of a building, tears filling her eyes as she let out a quiet sob while she wrapped her arms around her stomach in a attempt to quiet the rumbling. After sitting there for longer then she thought, she felt drops of rain hit against her pale skin, making her flinch as she snapped out of her zombie like trance. Alkni let out a quiet yawn as she looked up to the sky as the rain rewet her dried tears Gathering pieces of cardboard she attempted to form them into the shape of a bed, just wanting to go to sleep and wake up from the nightmare she was forced to live in, even if it was impossible

Alkni was sat on the counter, swinging her legs back and forth as she slowly chewed on her lollipop that Sam had given her. Sam stared at the little girl, as he thought about what his friends from the other side had told him about her, and what she had gone through. Walking over to her, he bent down to meet her eye to eye, as he gave her a warm smile in a attempt to comfort her.

"Do you see anything that you would like little imp, " Sam asked Alkni with a warm smile as he gently rubbed her head "I'm sure you will be able to find something you like!" He continued as he gestured around the store.

Alkni looked at him surprised for a moment as if she was asking as if he was serious, making the shop owner let out a chuckle as he nodded "Whatever you want" Sam confirmed as he picked her up, before setting her on the floor

As Alkni was looking through the store, albeit wearily, Sam went over to the three Octavinelle students, using the fact that she was focused on something else to explain to the three boys about what had happened to her

As Sam was finishing up speaking with Azul, Jade, and Floyd, he felt a small tug at his pants leg, and upon looking down, he saw Alkni holding a bread shaped stuffed animal, Alkni thinking that it was actual food instead of a toy. "You want that little imp? Well then its all yours" Sam exclaimed with a warm smile as he gently ruffed her messy dusty black hair.

Standing up, Sam looked towards the students again, his gaze slightly darker then usual. "Be careful with them" Sam spoke to them as he crossed his arms ocer his chest, before looking down at Alkni with a warm smile, only to see her trying to eat the bread shaped stuffed animal, making him cover his mouth in a attempt to cover a chuckle

[imtherain]

Be Holding Me

Hey there

Today was lame and my stomach was a POS as it is wont to do, so I threw up about it. Didn’t feel great after (surprise surprise) so I wrote an incredible indulgent fanfic which is 100% a self insert and if you have a problem with that you can fuck right off.

But, yeah, not feeling good, wanted some cuddles, currently in love with Ghost, so here we are.

Warnings: talk about getting sick/losing one’s lunch, very slight mention of blood, Ghost being a chair. No pancakes. idk man I just work here

Anywho

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I get sick a lot.

I always say it's my ungrateful stomach, or my useless meat suit. Some days, no matter how nice I am to them, they rebel and I lose my lunch. Or dinner. Or breakfast. It was never fun, but after so many years of this nonsense, I’d grown, unfortunately, used to it.

Today was no different. Something random set me off, a smell maybe. I’d been set off by something as mundane as the air freshener before, even though it was the same one I had always used. It didn’t really matter the why though, only that it happened, and now I was woozy, annoyed with my lot in life, and needing some positive attention.

So I went looking for Ghost.

Anyone else who knew Ghost would think he would be the last person you’d look to for comfort. He was big, intimidating… glared a lot. But under all that big badass energy, he was secretly a softie. Well, maybe not for everyone, but he definitely was for me.

He was on the couch, watching the sports channel when I found him. He glanced up at me, but didn’t say anything. He knew that usually I didn’t want to talk about it, sometimes I didn’t even want to acknowledge it.

I went right up to him and crawled into his lap. He shook his head a little, but adjusted so that there was room for the both of us, and tucked my head under his chin. I hummed, content to be held for a bit.

“I hope you didn’t have to hear all that,” I said.

“Want me to lie to you?” Ghost said.

“Sorry,” I was always embarrassed when someone had to hear the tragedy that was my insides. I knew it wasn’t fun for anyone involved.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” He said. “Need anything?”

“Just this for now,” I told him, nuzzling myself into his neck. I felt him chuckle as his arms held me a little tighter for a moment. If anyone accused Ghost of being nice, he’d call them a liar. 

“Did you drink some water?” He asked. I grunted at him.

“I brushed my teeth,” I offered instead.

“Not the same,” He shifted so he could reach down next to the couch and handed me his water bottle. “Drink,”

“Boo,” I complained but I drank some before resettling against his chest. One of his hands began rubbing up and down my back and I hummed again, closing my eyes. He was warm and everywhere and it was nice.

I could tell he had gone back to watching his game because he started cursing under his breath about a bad call. I smiled though because it was so damn domestic.

“How we feeling?” Ghost’s voice pulled me from the slight doze I’d found myself in. If he wasn’t so comfortable, it wouldn’t have been such a problem to stay awake.

“Like shit,” I told him.

“What can I do about it?” He asked.

“Kill me?” I offered hopefully.

“Negative,” 

“Why not?”

“Too much of a mess,” I snorted at him.

“You’re no fun,” 

“Never said I was,” But he moved to press his forehead into my hair. I always joked that he was like a cat that gave head bonks instead of using his words. I didn’t mind, sometimes words didn’t help anyway.

I bonked him back and I could feel him smile through his balaklava.

“I could always try to fuck you better,” He offered with a smirk even his mask couldn’t hide.

“I don’t know that that’d make me feel any better,” But I was smiling.

“Always makes me feel better,” Another gentle knock of his forehead against me. 

“That’s cuz you’re a slut, Simon,” I shifted slightly to press a kiss to his cloth covered cheek. There was a time that was the closest I got to skin. He moved to pull his mask up to his nose.

“Like I’m going to let you get away with that,” But he was grinning. He held me tighter so I couldn’t escape him as he kissed my face. I laughed and tried to push him away, but he was far stronger than me, and really, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. “Kiss me,” He commanded softly. I rolled my eyes at him.

“I just got sick, you don’t want to be near my mouth,” 

“You’ve kissed me when there’s been blood on my face, and you at least brushed your teeth,” He reminded me. I snorted at him again.

“That was a very different situation,” I said.

“Don’t care,” This time he took matters into his own hands, and by matters, I mean my face. He tipped my head back and covered my mouth with his. For a long moment, there was nothing else in the whole world but his lips on mine. No school or work or groceries to get. No rent or bills or stress. No ungrateful stomach, no useless meatsuit. Just Simon.

And that was more than enough.

[Masterlist]

[More Ghost]

[bridgyrose]

Ladybug, Snowfall or Fallen Petals for the bunny suit drabble (I don't know what a reverse one is)

(A reverse bunny suit basically covers everything a bunnysuit doesnt while leaving everything a bunny suit covers exposed. That said, have some snowfall)

“You want me to wear… what?” Cinder had asked in almost a half gag at what Winter had asked her to do. “I know you were put in charge of my… rehabilitation as Ruby put it, but… you cant be serious.” 

Winter rolled her eyes as she held a red bunny suit in front of her. “Its just for one night and you wont be alone. I promised Weiss that I would be there to help-” 

“And so now I’m supposed to wear that because of a promise you made?” 

“Its for the spring festival that Vale is putting on.” 

Cinder sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I dont see why I have to wear that for a festival. Its so revealing and… crude. There has to be something better to wear.” 

Winter sat the bunny suit down next to Cinder. “Part of your rehabilitation is to help where its needed. And right now, Weiss needs help making sure we have enough people for the… bunny cafe… that she’s putting on. The suit is required, but she is allowing stockings for your legs to be covered as well as sleeves for your arms.” 

“I dont see how this is supposed to help with any of that.” Cinder laid back and looked over at her prosthetic arm, still self conscious about the scarring that came flush with the metal along her shoulder and chest. “There has to be another way for me to be better, right? Maybe I can rescue a few cats out of trees or help someone cross the street.” 

“Then dont do it for Weiss, do it for me.” 

Cinder sat up. “For you?” 

Winter looked away to try to hide her own blush as she cleared her throat. “Like I said, you wouldnt be the only one wearing something like this. Robyn, May, Fiona, and Coco have also volunteered along with Ren and Jaune. Besides, its supposed to be fun and you’ll only be required to be there for a couple hours.” 

“That still feels like two hours too many.” 

“Just… think about it for now.” 

“Fine…” Cinder watched Winter leave the bedroom and shut the door before she got up and picked up the bunny suit that laid next to her. As she held it up against her, it seemed a lot more revealing than what Winter made it seem to be. Though, she had to admit, she did see the appeal of wearing one, even if it wasnt exactly her style. 

She grumbled a bit as she found herself stripping down and putting the bunny suit on, her skin shivering as the cold latex pressed against her. The outfit fit a lot more snug than she expected it to, not that she didnt really expect it to be snug against her. A sigh left Cinder’s lips once she finished dressing, the scars along her legs, arms, and chest all still visible and stood out against the outfit. A cruel reminder of the life that she had lived up to this point. 

Leggings and sleeves would certainly hide most of her scars, but the ones along her chest where the grimm arm had attached to her… Cinder started to strip the outfit off herself, nearly disgusted with how she looked. Every scar a reminder of what she’d been put through, the pain that she felt when Ruby purified her of that grimm that was killing her from the inside out, every scar practically engrained with the identity of the person who put it there. 

“Everyone has scars, you know,” Winter said as she walked up behind her.

Cinder flinched at Winter’s voice and started to get dressed again. “But not everyone has to wear them as blatantly as I do.” 

“No, but this fight has left us with our own share of issues. I have to keep wearing my brace, Ruby’s missing an eye, Weiss has scars all along her arm now, Emerald has scars along her face from when you nearly killed her… but we all choose to wear them proudly.” 

“Its still different.” 

Winter sighed. “Alright, then how about this: wear the bunny suit for as long as we need it and I’ll make sure your scars are hidden.” 

Cinder paused as she pulled her shirt over her and looked at Winter. “And how do you plan to do that?” 

“Makeup will still do wonders to hide most of your scars we cant cover.” 

“Fine,” Cinder said as she finished getting dressed. “Help me cover the scars first and then I’ll decide if I agree.” 

Winter pulled Cinder into a hug. “I promise, I’ll do everything I can to keep you comfortable.”

[socialoutsiderwritings]

Always, Only. You 29.2

Talia had taken Y/N in to her pack after your parents and their pack  were brutally murdered. For years she trained and learned under Talia alongside Derek , Laura and Cora. One night Talia tells you along with Derek that you two have to imprint on each other , to become each other’s mates. Your connection to Derek has always been stronger than his to you. So after the fire it killed you to be away from him , but you had to do it for your own survival. 7 years after the fact , you return home. Back to Beacon Hills. But the Derek you return to is not the same Derek you know. Will Y/N ever get Derek to accept the fact they are meant to be together?

Penthouse

"You live here?" Brett asked as you three walked into Deucalion's penthouse. "Alone?"

"No," you answered, closing the door behind you. "My place is too small. Deucalion left me the keys, lease is under my name and he's paid for the rest of the year so." You shrugged. "It's home for now."

Lori, Brett's sister turned around with a grin on her face. "Thank you for letting us stay with you." She thanked you for the hundredth time again.

"Dont thank me yet. Thank me when you're safely back with your pack."

Lori glanced at Brett almost disappointed. You decided not to acknowledge it. It would be safer for them in the long run if they didn't attach themselves to you.

"Anyway, there are two extra bedrooms in the back. Take your pick and, uh, don't worry about what was left behind. The owners wont miss it at all."

********

You stood under the shower head, allowing the cold water to cascade down your skin. Although you were exhausted, you had barely gotten any rest last night. You were up all night thinking about everything. Hunters, Stiles, Oni, Nogitsune, and the uneasy feeling something big was coming.

What worried you more was your newfound status. You were always part of a pack, never the one leading one. Even though this was only temporary, it would be a matter of time before more came. And then you'd have to step up. You just wished you didn't have to do it alone.

“Good morning.” Lori greeted you. She was at the stove placing the food on a plate. “I hope you dont mind. We helped ourselves.”

“Good morning.” You greeted back. Brett was at the table already eating. "Morning," you greeted him. You turned your attention back to Lori, "not at all. Help yourselves to whatever." You walked over to the counter to begin preparing your cup of coffee.

“Shouldn’t you two be leaving for school soon?”

"Devenford Prep is holding lacrosse tryouts today." Brett answered. He got up to put his plate in the sink and then leaned back against the breakfast counter to look at you with his arms crossed.

You glanced at him over your shoulder, "Ok? What does that have to do with school?"

"Everything." He stated plainly.

You frowned as you finished preparing your coffee. You turned around now to face the two teenagers. You looked over at Lori first. She gave you an apologetic look before standing up and walking over to put her own plate in the sink.

“Uhm, ok?” You sighed. “You can take my car. Just be careful, ok.”

"You know Devenford Prep is on the other side of town, right? I dont know how to drive." He stated matter of factly.

You sighed, growing annoyed. "Devenford is a private school, right? Why are they holding open tryouts?"

"They need lacrosse players." He explained. "I can get in on scholarship."

"Using your werewolf abilities? Thats cheating."

"Not if I worked hard." He stood up straight and uncrossed his arms. "Four months ago I didn't know anything about lacrosse. I know I can get in on skill alone."

You smirked as you looked at Lori. You had to admit, you admired his confidence a little bit. She nodded at you, as if agreeing with her brother. "Ok. Let's go then."

*****

The car ride to Devenford Prep was awkward, to say the least. You could still sense a bit of hostility from Brett. Lori, on the other hand, tried to ask you more about yourself. But whenever the conversation started to get a little too comfortable for Brett's liking he would butt in to change the subject or just look at Lori to get her to stop talking.

Out of the two, you figured Lori was the best to talk to. You had already agreed to take them in for the time being. But you wanted-- needed to know why Deucalion put so much effort in convincing them to come to you and not Scott.

You and Lori sat side by side on the bleachers, watching as the coach spoke to the teenage boys. You were a little nervous for him for some reason. You could tell the other students had an issue with him trying out as well. As the boys broke the huddle and moved further away from you, you decided now was your chance to find out.

"So, what sparked his sudden interest in lacrosse?" You casually ask Lori.

She shrugged, "boredom, I guess. He watched a game once and started practicing the next day."

"Why play for Devenford? Does your school not have a lacrosse team?"

"We do. But Brett says this school would be better."

"Oh." You stated. "Whats wrong with your school?"

"I don't know. Brett's pretty popular."

"What about you? Are you…pretty popular?"

Lori shrugged. "Not...really. But its ok. I have my brother...well had my brother. I know he's going to get in." She smiled.

"It doesn't bother you? At all?"

"No. Why would it?"

"I don't know." You answered, questioningly. "If he gets in...where does that leave you?"

"Brett's always watching out for me. So in a way, I think he might be doing this for me, too."

"Really?" You asked now curiously. "What about your parents?"

"Our parents died in a fire a long time ago." She spoke slowly as she looked down at her hands, already fidgeting with her fingers. "Satomi took us in when she found us. She's great, but Brett has always been the one taking care of me. We're all we have left, you know." She finally looked at you.

"Yeah," you nodded sympathetically. For a moment you pictured Derek's face. "I know exactly what you mean."

You turned your attention back to the tryouts. You spotted Brett on the right side of the field, alone. Across from him you noticed four boys glance at each other. The coach hasn't blown the whistle yet and the four boys rushed at Brett knocking him back a few feet.

"Oh shit." You whispered.

The coach blew the whistle and ran towards the boys. You watched worriedly as Brett removed his helmet and then quickly got up to face the four boys. The biggest of the boys took off his helmet laughing and high-fived the other boys. Brett slowly walked towards him.

"Oh no. He's not gonna wolf out, is he?"

"He's mad but he wont fight." She stated. "He doesn't believe in violence, unless he really needs to."

Brett laughed at the four boys and put his helmet back on. You watched the boys get back in to position for their play. You were now eager to see what he was going to do. The coach blew the whistle again and this time Brett took off. He easily avoided each of the boys as they rushed him, trying to stop him from reaching the goal. The bigger of the boys stood his ground in front of the goal. Brett picked up his pace, used the side of his body knock the kid on his back and scored.

The rest of the tryouts, Brett had the other boys out of breath and tripping over their own feet.

********

Brett walked out in to the living room as he dried his hair with a towel. You noticed him as you shut the dishwasher door. "It was really generous of them to give Lori a scholarship." You said out loud to get his attention.

He only glanced at you but didn't say a word. He looked over at the sofa and then around the living room in confusion.

"I took your uniform to the dry cleaners." You told him. "And thats for you." You gestured to the new lacrosse gear. "A gift.. for making it on to the team."

He looked at you a bit taken aback. "Thanks.." he replied. He then grabbed the lacrosse stick to examine it.

"Is she the reason you learned how to play?" You walked out of the kitchen towards the living room.

"She was having trouble making friends at our old school." He answered. "They were bullies. I didn't want her to keep going through that." He set the lacrosse stick down and grabbed the helmet.

"Really? You never thought of, you know, doing something to stop them? Why go through all the trouble of learning a sport you were never interested and trying out for a different school?"

Brett set down his lacrosse helmet and stared at you. "It wasn't trouble." He told you. "I did it because I wanted to do it for the both of us. Teaching those losers a lesson would have been too easy. They aren't worth it. Trust me." He was a little angry now.

"Oh-ok." You hold your hands up to mean no harm. "I was just curious. I mean it must've made you upset when you first found out. I hear you two are pretty close."

"Yeah."

"How did you deal with it? You've got quite a hot head on you, I noticed."

"Me?" He scoffed with a smirk. "You want to know what makes your scent strong? Your anger."

"Ok, fine." You crossed your arms. "I'm asking for advice here, kid. Watching you during the tryouts, kind of had me thinking maybe Deucalion had another reason of sending you to me. Besides us having a few things in common."

"Like what?"

You sighed. You weren't sure if this kid was actually oblivious or if he enjoyed having you practically beg him for help. "Control. Without using anger. Better yet, controlling my anger."

"Satomi taught us how to meditate. We use a mantra."

"Can you teach me?"

Brett looked stunned at first and then nodded at you. He gestured for you to help him move the furniture to create a big enough space in the center of the room.

"Why do you want to learn how to do this?" He asked you. "Do you really think that's why he convinced us to come find you?"

"I've developed a bit of an anger issue." You halfheartedly joke. "I don't know, it's just a guess really." You finished moving around the furniture and sat in the center of the room across from Brett.

"I was taught anger is the best emotion for control. It's easier. So you could imagine how many angry individuals i've been around growing up." You chuckle softly. "I cant run away from what I am. No matter how much I would like to.” you admitted.

"Beacon Hills is really going to need more than one protector. So if I'm going to embrace what I am.. I want to do it my way. Not out of other people's fears."

Brett nodded in acknowledgment. "It took Lori and I months to master it. So don't feel discouraged."

You giggled slightly. "You sound like you've taught this before."

"No," he shook his head, "never. I just remember how I felt when I started. I was easily frustrated. I really tried to fight it; fighting it just made it worse." He then inhaled a breath and closed his eyes. "Start with a clear mind."

You copied him. He took another set of deep breaths and then, "what three things cannot long be hidden?" He asked quietly. You weren't sure if you had to answer at first until Brett answered himself, "the sun, the moon, the truth." A deep breath.

"The sun, the moon, the truth." you repeated.

"Slower." He instructed. "What three things cannot long be hidden?"

"The sun," you answered this time, slowly, "the moon, the truth." A deep breath. Brett got quiet but you could still hear him taking his breaths. So you did the same. It took a while but you felt your body relax, as if you were melting away.

"Now think about the things that have made you angry. Triggers." he spoke softly. "Spark your anger and then use the mantra to calm yourself." He spoke calmly.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" You kept your eyes closed. You were worried now, but somehow your body remained relaxed.

"I trust you."

You inhaled a deep breath. Then you thought back, on every occasion you have gotten angry. The fire, Talia and Deaton, Deucalion, Jennifer, Kali and Ennis. You inhaled another deep breath. Your heart began to beat faster. "The sun, the moon, the truth." You chanted quietly. "The sun," a breath, "the moon," another breath, "the truth."

Then your mind drifted to Derek. You thought about earlier, before you shifted. Somehow, remembering the incident now, it didn’t make you angry. Instead, it hurt. It made you sad. You repeated the mantra in your head again.

Then more memories with Derek flashed in your mind. Special ones. You inhaled a shaky breath. You imagined Derek's hands all over you, you were practically starting to feel them. The warmth of his palms gently caressing up your arms, to softly graze down your back. The way he'd squeeze you gently just to feel you closer to him.

"The sun," you mumbled, your breathing getting heavier as you remembered the feeling of Derek on top of you, "the moon. The truth."

You were startled out of your daze by big hands grabbing your shoulders. You opened your eyes to see Brett staring at you, awkwardly. Your eyes trailed from his eyes, down to his lips, to his neck then back up to his eyes. Realizing what you were feeling, you closed your mouth and gently pushed him away from you.

"I think that's enough for today."

Brett chuckled and helped you up to your feet. "Sounds like someone needs a cold shower."

You glared at the young man. "I'm going to pick up your uniforms."

**********

The voice in your head was screaming, begging you to turn back. But your body had a mind of its own. Before you realized where you were going, you were already in the elevator going up to his floor.

You stepped out of the elevator, made your way to his door and knocked. After a minute or so there was no answer, so you knocked again. The door slid open. You heart was pumping, eager to see Derek.

"Peter." you were surprised to see him.

"Y/N." He was just as surprised as you were. Without a warning, Peter grabbed you and embraced you in a tight hug.

You froze at first, then Peter's scent filled your nostrils. Your eyes fluttered closed and your hands felt up his back and you grabbed his shoulders. You turned your face inwards to the crook of Peter's neck and inhaled his scent again. His scent was intoxicating, it was making you feel warm inside, you accidentally let out a low whimper as indulged in Peter’s scent.

Peter noticed and he leaned away a bit to look at you. Your faces were so close you could feel his breath fanning your face. You gripped tighter at his shirt, pulling him closer to you. He brought one hand up to caress your cheek, then to the temples of your sunglasses.

You immediately turned away as you felt him pull the sunglasses from your face. "Uhm," you gently pushed him back as you stepped away from him and pressed the sunglasses back up the bridge of your nose, "is Derek here?"

Peter cleared his throat. "yeah," he answered. He gestured you to enter the loft. He didn't say anything else as he slid the loft door shut behind you.

"Peter," You heard Derek's voice first and then he appeared descending the spiral staircase. "who was at the door?" He froze when he saw you descending the stairs towards the center of the loft.

You looked around the room, "is Cora here?" You already knew the answer though. You began stripping yourself of your jacket as you approached Derek.

"She's out with Erica and Isaac. They're actually looking for you," he spoke slowly, watching you carefully. "Is everything ok?"

You were already in front of him. "Fine." You all but whispered, you wrapped your arms around his neck, instinctively Derek placed his hands on either side of your waist. Derek's scent was different from Peter's. It wasn't intoxicating. It was fresh, nostalgic; almost like home.

You slowly leaned in, Derek noticed and grabbed your waist to pull you in and kissed you. The tiny hairs on your body stood up as if your body had been ignited with electricity as soon as your lips met. Without removing himself from you, Derek guided you towards the bed. When he hit the edge of his bed he spun around, still holding your waist, and laid you down on his bed.

You moved your hands down his chest to the hem of his shirt, to pull it over his head. Derek put his hands over yours to stop you and pulled back a bit.

"What?" you breathed.

Derek didn't say a word, instead, he grabbed the sunglasses and slowly removed them from your eyes. You allowed him but you kept your eyes closed. "Open them." he gently instructed.

"No."

"Y/N," he kept his soft, "open your eyes. Please."

You exhaled a deep breath and slowly opened your eyes. Derek stared down at you, one his hands cupping your face as he rubbed his thumb against your cheek. "I'm sorry."

You removed his hand from your face, went to gently grab him by the neck and pushed him to the side so you could straddle him on the bed. You removed your shirt and tossed it behind you.

"I didn't come here for sorry." You reached behind your back for your bra strap, undid it, and then slowly and teasingly pulled it off your body and dropped it next to you on the bed.

Derek swallowed dryly, as he lustfully looked at you and down your chest. He sat up a bit and removed his own shirt. He stayed here, hands reaching up your back as he pulled you in closer to kiss you.

You whimpered out when you felt him softly drag his nails down your back. "Fuck," you moaned, "Derek." Your hands found the button of his jeans, and you hastily worked on unbuttoning them

Derek wasted no time and did the same. He spun to lay you down on the bed again. In one quick motion he got his and your jeans and undergarments off and settled himself between your legs.

You breathed heavily as you watched him. He hooked his arms behind your knees and pulled you closer to the edge of the bed.

"Are you just going to stare?" You asked, losing patience. Derek softly chuckled. He leaned down, simultaneously slowly inserting himself as he kissed you. You let out a sigh of relief and wrapped your arms around his neck.

He thrusted himself in and out of you slowly. He moved one of his hands to the side of your head and gripped the sheets tightly and he buried his face in the crook of your neck. Your hand found it's way to the top of Derek's head and you gently pulled and tugged on his short hair, earning a soft(sexy) moan from him.

"Faster." you moaned. "Fuck, Derek. Faster."

He did as you told. He could feel you getting closer and he pulled back to look down at you. He watched you, listened, made sure he was giving you exactly what you wanted.

"Oh fuck," you whimpered. Yo stared up at Derek, his eyes glowed blue a moment as he rode out his climax with you.

He laid down beside you to catch his breath. He kissed your cheek, and pulled you in closer to him.

You turned you head to look at him, softly caressing his cheek. "I have to go." You whispered.

Derek blinked lazily. "Stay." He whispered. "Please," he breathed, "stay with me." Derek's eyes slowly closed, and you watched him quickly fall asleep.

You untangled yourself out of his grip and grabbed your clothes to get dressed. You searched his pants for his phone and typed your new number into his phone. You looked back at Derek sleeping on his bed. You deleted your number in his phone and put it back where you had found it. You looked back at Derek one last time before leaving and sliding the loft door closed behind you.

[owlets-outlet]

habits you should have, regardless of beauty standards:

we all know that sex sells, and if youre like me, you refuse to be a part of it. the issue is, many of the habits that are advertized to be for the improvement of your looks, are actually really important for your health as well, often times even life saving. if youre like me, you might be unaware of this and deliberately NOT participating in them as a protest against beauty standarts, which might actually be hurting you. let me tell you which! (long post)

1. wearing sunscreen:

unless you have a lot of melanin, you should wear sunscreen every time the uv index is 3 or higher, to protect yourself from skin cancer.

why does society tell us to wear it?

i always hear 'sun exposure gives you wrinkles, freckles, sunspots, etcetc' and went 'well i dont CARE, fuck you' and never wore it.

everybody tries to sell sunscreen as 'antiaging'. its crazy how thats the biggest selling point, and not the fact that sunscreen protects you from getting CANCER.

heres the thing, you SHOULDNT care about getting wrinkles! theres nothing wrong with them, no matter how 'premature' they are!

why you should actually wear it:

you should care about skin cancer though. asides from melanoma, which has very low survival rates, other skin cancers, while not as deadly, can then spread to different organs and *cause* other deadly cancers.

okay, im new to sunscreens, what should i do?

well first, let me say that mineral vs chemical doesnt really matter, as long as the spf is high enough. the general rule is the higher the spf, the better.

if i were to reccomend a sunscreen, it would be beauty of joseon. it has gone viral, and while i do think its overhyped, i think its a great basic. its pretty cost efficient, not sticky or smelly and doesnt burn my eyes.

you should apply spf if the uv index is 3 or higher, which you can check the levels in your area on any weather website. if youre staying outside for longer than 2 hours, you should reapply.

you dont have to wear suncreen indoors! your windos block most uv rays.

your face needs at least a quarter of a teaspoon to be fully protected. of course the amount varies depending on the size of your face, but usually two fingers are enough to protect your face:

to save as much sunscreen as possible, try to stay in the shade and and cover your body when going outdoors!

before you go to sleep, you should remove your spf by double cleansing!

2. working out:

why does society tell us to work out?

the most common answer is: to lose weight. the get a 'desirable' body shape. to get a 'healthy' body shape.

there are many scientific papers that talk in depth about how your weight isnt indicative of your health, so i am going to spare you, and i certainly dont need to go in depth about how nobody should conform to societys beauty standards.

another thing worth pointing out is that often times, exercise cannot actually give you the shape you want. there are many factors to this, such as genetics or hormones, but the fact is, exercise often just wont help you archieve the ideal body shape anyway.

why should you actually work out, then?

many reasons!

-being in shape (metaphorically, not literally) will make moving around easier and you'll get less tired perfoming your daily tasks.

-working out improves mood and helps with brain fog

-increases energy levels (ironically)

-good for cardiovascular health, digestive health, good for bone heath: that means that as you age, you are more likely to retain more of your mobility than if you didnt work out, and your body will in general be happier

-sometimes it helps you socialize, participate in community etc.

how to get into working out?

now, this is the fun part: there is no wrong way to go about this!

you dont need to do a specific type of working out! in fact, just pick whatever suits you!

you can run or go for walks. dance in your living room or attend dance class. shadow box. go to the gym to box.

lift weights or do at home calisthenics, do chloe ting workout videos, climb trees, go for a bike ride, whatever!

just keep moving! you should workout a few times a week :) you dont need any fancy equipment or clothes.

3. eat healthy

now, this one may be different definition of a healthy diet than youve heard of: you shouldnt eat less, but more. the biggest adjustment to your diet shouldnt be removing things but adding things.

you should eat a lot of vegetables, as well as proteins, sugar and fats.

you can keep your fries and a burgers, but you should add a salad as well!

maybe you grew up believing that you dont like healthy things, like fish or collard greens, but you might be living in a lie :D

i reccommend trying new recipes, you might be surprised!

a good diet will have similiar effects to working out- its very important to nourish your body so that it can work properly.

[shamelessobjectglitter]

lasagna-270kcal

coleslaw-56kcal

garlic bread-217kcal

muesli bar-86kcal

cereal-234kcal

almond milk-26kcal

banana-88kcal

------------

walking=187kcal

sit-ups=850kcal

vent under cut

it was my youngest sisters birthday a few days ago, 8th june, she'll never know who i am, she'll grow up not knowing who i am, or if she does it'll be from my dad who will tell her lies like he told me only she wont have anything to check against to see he's lying, i can still tell the twins apart i think, i saw a photo of them both and i just automatically knew which was which, they'll go up hating me to, and they'll be justified, i left them when it got bad, i didn't protect them, my mum moved and i left them, i love them so much but they'll grow to hate me and im okay with that, but i just want them to know i never stopped thinking about them, i dont know what he's doing to them, probably worse than what he did to me because they're not related to him, what he did to me was mild and some people wouldn't even consider it abuse but it fucked me up, he'll fuck them up too, they're getting to the age where it started to effect me, i look at pictures of them and wonder if its already getting bad for them

im helpless, he tracks their phones, my mum moved us away because he started to stalk and harass me, he knows how to divert and listen in to calls, he reads text messages, everything is monitored, would they even want to talk to me if it wasn't? do they already hate me? they should, im nothing but a coward i should've stayed and helped them even if it killed me, though he probably would have thrown me out after a week for being mentally unstable, thats not an excuse, they should hate me

when i kill myself, im considering unblocking him and sending him and his fiancée messages, to pass along to the kids, but if he knew i was dead he'd start harassing my mum, im always causing problems no matter if im alive or dead

im a fucking creep for caring this much, it makes me feel disgusting that my brain instantly tells me im a pedo and fills my head with shit i dont want to see everytime i think about anything, i just want to die, i want to not have existed, i cause so many problems, if i wasn't conceived my mum wouldn't have stayed with my dad as long as she did, if i wasn't born then so many things in her life would be better

i just want to die

but i cant do that so I'll just starve, except im failing at even that, im eating close to 1000 calories per day, im such a wannarexic

i need to study but all i can think about is wanting to die, guess I'll go slit my wrists in the bathroom or something, my arms are fucked anyway, might as well add to the grotesque skin, why did i ever think i had a chance at love when i look like this, fat, ugly with so many scars all over my body that are obviously sh, how do i expect anyone to love me, i bet if i died now not even my mum would mourn me, she was the only one i was sure would care last time, but now im doubtful