#it’s got so many iconic quotes

[h-worksrambles]

Blackaddder’s Christmas Carol is the best holiday special and I will take no objection.

[moongothic]

Hey so also have Sir Crocodile brainrot and have recently reread Impel Down. This is probably nothing at all but it made me question the artistic choice made. Like we dont see Crocodiles full face until Luffy recognizes him. Before that tho he joins in on Jinbei & Ace's convo about Whitebeard and is shown to (non-)react to Boa Hancocks visit. But we only get his face in shadows or see the hook. Which. Why. Oda we know what he looks like and who the guy with the stitches on his face and the hook is. WHY OBSCURE HIM.

My friend, this is what we call a "cocktease"

Okay jokes aside, yes it was an artistic choise. More specifically, a storytelling technique Oda masterfully used to build up hype and excitement to Crocodile's eventual reveal and re-introduction into the story.

So thanks to Ms Goldenweek's cover story (which ran back during Water 7/Enies Lobby) we already knew Crocodile along with Daz, Bon-chan and Galdino had all been sent to Impel Down, when we also learned about Impel Down, Marineford and the Gates of Justice (+ the giant whirlpool between the three locations) to some extent. ((Now of course, if you were an anime-only then you would've had no idea about the former BW members being in Impel Down. And even if you had read the manga you still would've had to actually pay attention to the cover story and its lore, and not forgotten all about it))

So even before Luffy decides he's going to head to Impel Down to save Ace, we know Crocodile's going to be somewhere down there. The second Luffy arrives there, we are immidiately reminded of the fact when Domino mentions Crocodile taking the traditional "bath" new inmates take at the entrance. And as we descend deeper and deeper into Impel Down, with those cuts to what's happening down at Level 6 every now and then, as well as with the Baroque Works Countdown, Oda time and time again keeps on reminding of us of Crocodile's looming presence in the background. This is all absolutely deliberate. Crocodile was arguably the most iconic (maybe not most popular but iconic) One Piece villian at the time, if given an opportunity of course the readers wanted to see him again. But just letting us see him right away would be anti-climactic, and distracting from what's actually important (Ace, and Luffy getting to him as fast as possible). So keeping him hidden could serve multiple purposes:

For one, Crocodile doesn't get to steal the spotlight from the other characters (at least not too early). We can focus on Luffy, Ace, all the new Impel Down characters and the other returning characters in peace, while Crocodile waits for his turn. Another thing is that Crocodile's presence being downplayed gives off the impression that perhaps him being there isn't that important to the story. Thus, him teaming up with Luffy to break out isn't such an obvious twist (and so when that happens, it's ever more hype as a result)

But indeed, the most important part is that by teasing us constantly through out Impel Down, Oda creates hype. He makes us the readers excited if/when we might get to see the bastard, even if it was just a quick little cameo. So when Luffy finally reaches Level 6 and we finally do get that reveal, everyone loses their fucking marbles over the HISASHIBURI DANA MUGIWARA when we finally get to see The Motherfucker Himself. (And indeed, then getting to see him fight alongside Luffy is cool as fucking hell, completely unexpected and absolutely delightful)

But there's also another thing building up to Crocodile's reveal does. Compare his original introduction to the re-introduction

Compare Crocodile at the height of his power and influence, to the absolute rock bottom he has hit. No longer happily laughing while looking down on people (literally), he's filthy, he has given up on life, with sunken eyes and a hollow look on his face, only moved by a thirst for petty revenge (/an opportunity to go out with a bang). He doesn't even get the whole page for his grand reveal anymore, he's been shuffled to the side so the plot can progress on the same page.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

And to some degree, this is kind of meant to be a shocking realization to the readers. That this is not the same Crocodile we remember from Alabasta, that Crocodile died when Luffy defeated him. This is just the husk that remains, a shadow of what was once there. It's a sad sight, and probably not what the readers who loved Crocodile The Villian wanted to see. It's not the epic Return of the (Evil) King they wanted. And that juxtaposition helps, because Crocodile doesn't return into the story as a villian, but as a frenemy/ally-on-thin-ice. And that idea is easier to signal to the readers in a lowkey manner when you do his re-introduction like this.

So yes, Oda refusing to show Crocodile's face until Luffy found him was 100% a deliberate artistic choise. This is fantastic storytelling

[neonacidtrip]

“ And it hurts so much! Life is suffering. It is hard! The world is cursed. But still, you find reasons to keep on living." ... "I don't regret a thing, you know. I don't regret the struggles. I don't regret the hardships. The pain. The sorrow. And I've seen so much of it! But still. I don't regret what I've done or how I've lived my life. I just wish the world had been a better place. A better place for them, for us... But surely, a better place for you, my dear." ... "I feel like a vast vessel, with so many dusty rooms and cabins... I have so many of them... So many memories... Some of them are gone, but some of them... Some of them will live on forever. In you, in others. ”

- Astrid, Spiritfarer Farewell Edition

[milflewis]

Actually, Lewis tagging Seb in his post when he usually only tags F1 peeps of his own team and considering how he used to write whole love letters to Seb on Insta knowing that Seb wouldn't see them..... is something that can be so loaded and so personal and in this essay I will

no but this !!! and lewis doesn’t even follow seb !! but do u think he scrolls through seb’s insta. sobbing over his chubby cheeks n big smile that hasn’t changed n stupid bowl cut in his little kart !! do u think spinz n miles n angela n his brother wake up to 1618182992 texts the next morning when seb posts smth new. do u think

(smth smth being able to tell the whole world that you love him but not being able to say it to his face smth smth. but !! now seb is going !! so lewis HAS to tell him !!)

[s1llycilantro]

Normalize blocking ppl for the most mundane reasons. Just saw someone say that drv3 is a horrible unplayable game and immediately my finger just flew to the block button. I don't need that negativity in my life and not from an sdr2 ELITIST. I LOVE ALL OF THEM 🙁 THEY HAVE SO MANY CUTSIE PATOOTSIES HOW AM I MEANT TO CHOOSE.

[britneyshakespeare]

Charlie McDonnell's coming out post being on my dash under the Instagram handle @coollike but me not reading that first and just being like "who am I looking at" at a strange picture of some girl and then seeing the caption as "gender reveal... still going by Charlie but pronouns are she/they" and then I look closer at the face and the eyes and details and slowly put together. OH MY GOD THAT'S YOU!!!!!

[todayisafridaynight]

if i start crying looking at the super groupies collab pieces no im fucking not

[theworldgate]

I have to explain what is going on in the UK, because it is absurd.

So, this is Gary Lineker:

He's known for a fair few things over here. He was a very good (association) footballer, playing for England in the 1986 and 1990 World Cups, winning the Golden Boot in 1986, and managing to never get a single yellow card in his playing career. He played for Leicester City, Everton, Barcelona, and Tottenham, before finishing his career in Japan. But if you aren't in your mid 30s, you probably know actually know him him for a couple of other things. The first is the role of spokesman for another Leicester icon, Walkers Crisps (which are sort of equivalent to Lays, but hit different), as pictured above. Despite being a notably clean player, he used to play a cheeky serial crisp thief. I don't think he's done that for well over a decade, but his ads were on the telly a lot when I was a kid and it's a bit like learning that the hamburglar was an incredibly clean (American) football player or something.

The second thing Gary is widely known for is having presented Match of the Day, the big football program on the BBC, the sort-of state broadcaster, since 1999. He is, incidentally, very well paid for this (though with a consensus that he could get even more if he went to one of the non-free-to-view broadcasters because he is very good at the job). He also has a twitter account. And political opinions. So, the UK government has got itself dead set upon doing heinous stuff that will totally somehow work to prevent people who want to come to the UK making the perilous crossing of the Channel (between England and France). By heinous, I mean "openly advertise that they won't attempt to protect victims of modern slavery" stuff. It's very obviously using a legal hammer to victimise a marginalised group of people in order to win votes. And, uh, I should clarify that by "legal" I mean "using the passage of laws" - the policy is, in addition to all the other ways it's awful, probably incompatible with the Human Rights Act and the UK's international law obligations. Gary, top lad that he is, objected to this. On Tuesday 7th March, he made a quote Tweet of a video of the Home Secretary, Suella Braverman, bigging up the policy, he wrote "Good heavens, this is beyond awful.". This got a bunch of backlash from extremely right-wingers, and then he made the tweet that really got him in trouble (with right-wingers): "There is no huge influx. We take far fewer refugees than other major European countries. This is just an immeasurably cruel policy directed at the most vulnerable people in language that is not dissimilar to that used by Germany in the 30s, and I’m out of order?".

Now, I am not actually subjecting myself to watching a video of Suella Braverman bigging up a cruel policy to say whether the specific comparison of the language to 1930s Germany is accurate. But needless to say, Ms Braverman was amongst the many figures on the right of UK politics objecting to Gary's rhetoric. And here's the part where a fact about the BBC comes in: it is nominally neutral and impartial (and so, of course, is routinely accused of bias from all sides but particularly the right-wing), and has something of a code for its contributors to this effect. Now, that code has previously been applied to Gary Lineker, over a comment about whether governing Conservative Party would hand back donations from figures linked to the Russian regime. But it generally hasn't been applied too strongly to people like Gary, whose roles have nothing to do with politics (such as presenting a "here's what happened on the footie today" show), on the basis that, well, their roles have nothing to do with politics. However, when directly asked about whether the BBC should punish Gary Lineker for his tweets, government figures basically went "well, that's a them problem". But a couple of days passed, and it seemed like Gary's approach of "standing his ground because he did nothing wrong" was working and everything would die down. He was set to get 'a talking to' but not much more than that. The Conservative right, after all their fire and fury earlier, had gotten bored and moved onto something else. And then, on Friday 10th March, the BBC announced that he would be suspended from hosting Match of the Day this weekend. But it could still go ahead, because there are, like, other hosts! Except, well, funnily enough, when you take a beloved figure off air, for making a fairly anodyne tweet, no one wants to be the scab who actually takes up the role of replacing him. Gary's two co-hosts, Alan Shearer and Ian Wright, said that they would not appear without him. People who (co-)host Match of the Day on other days followed suit. The net result is that Match of the Day is currently set to air without hosts, BBC commentary, or global feed commentary. And the solidarity shown to Gary Lineker, over what is very flagrantly actual cancel culture and an attack on freedom of speech (the logic implied is that institutional impartiality requires that no one say anything too critical of the government ever), has continued to grow. The BBC has pretty much been unable to run pretty much any live sports content today, and has resorted to raiding the BBC Sounds archive to fill the sports radio channel. And, as of 17:30 on Saturday 11th March, the situation shows no signs of improvement, though some are calling for the Chairman Richard Sharp, who is separately facing corruption allegations, to resign (yes I linked to the BBC itself there, there is nothing, nothing, the BBC loves more than going into great detail about how much the BBC sucks).

[workingwhileidream]

Okay Burrow's End had me thinking some thoughts... So here are my favorite Dimension 20 moments that rotate like a rotisserie chicken in my brain (in no particular order other than the order I thought if them).

- Riz goes into the butthole of the Corn Ooze Monster (Fantasy High). The first absolutely insane shenanigans move anyone makes on D20, setting the tone the show will have forever.

- Raphaniel kills Queen Pamelia (Ravening War). I think I saw Brennan's soul leave his body briefly when he got that How Do You Want To Do This from Matt. Time was an absolute flat circle that day.

- Hank convinces Brennan to let him role savvy instead of sneak (Mentopolis). Hank is one of the most famous content creators, having him on the show was phenomenal to begin with. Then right out of the gate, he pulls this move in his first episode. And it just works. Hilarious, instantly iconic.

- Jet Dies (A Crown of Candy). When Lapin dies, it is shocking but I wasn't attached to him as a character. Lapin was a bit antagonistic and his death happens early in the season. On the other hand, Jet is instantly likeable. Emily and Siobhan are amazing as siblings, their performances this campaign are some of my favorites. I have siblings and I am very close to them, so this hit me like a ton of bricks.

- The entire epilogue of Burrow's End. "Are you pitching and Air Bud ending?" is one of the instant hall of fame quotes from this show. I started crying I was laughing so hard.

- Ylfa's bottleneck and the TPK (Neverafter). There are so many close calls for total party kills in Dimension 20 history, but this is where it finally happens and it's only 3 episodes in. I was on edge, expecting another TPK at any turn, for the rest of the campaign.

- 3 nat one initiative rolls for the battle that literally opens the season (A Starstruck Odyssey). The beginning of a new season is always full of excitement. This season was extra special, having everyone back in the dome after the pandemic and the season being based off Brennan's Mom's comics. The zoom energy is still in the air and I still think about this season opener a lot.

- Mother Timothy Goose breaks Snow White's concentration with a cantrip (Neverafter). Only Ally Beardsley could and we all damn well know it. Still didn't stop me from being so far in disbelief that all I could do is laugh.

- Hob's "You will never know another lonely day" speech to Rue (A Court of Fey and Flowers). I will still cry about this if I think about it for too long. Rue and Hob's romance is the heart of this season to me. I won't be over it ever.

- Gertrude convinces Nyruth to give the Questing Queens very powerful boons after the Queens tried to rob them only a few hours earlier (Dungeons and Drag Queens). The fact that this season exists drives a level of serotonin into my brain that is unimaginable. This is the definition of a big swing and when Bob rolls well, Brennan has no other choice than to honor it. This is one of the moments I have made a meme of. I cannot wait for season 2.

- Wuuvy shows up to the duel and she did not come to play (A Court of Fey and Flowers). Aabria has talked about how Wuuvy is one of her favorite NPCs and I feel the same. Wuuvy and Rue's relationship has such a great arc and this moment is so pivotal.

- Fabian's no good very bad day (Fantasy High Sophomore Year). An iconic moment in D20 history that was truly wild to watch live. For everything to go so fantastically bad for Fabian and Lou was unprecedented. There is a reason why people still talk about this moment to this day.

- Amathar survives being pushed off the castle (A Crown of Candy). Brennan tried to kill Lou so many times in this campaign. I really thought Brennan had gotten him with this one, my stomach sunk. But Lou pulls it out and Amathar lives once again.

- Pib plays "Smoke on the Water" (Neverafter). "I stepped out to play 'Smoke on the Water' " is also a hall of fame quote to me. This list could be all Pib moments if I'm being honest, he's my favorite Zac character. And the fact that Zac doesn't roll well makes this moment funnier to me.

- Buddy Bear gets planted with the All Blossom (Dungeons and Drag Queens). Jujubee and Brennan owe me a therapy session for this one. I sobbed. My cat is my baby and I will be ruined the day she leaves me, so I get it. I really do.

- "Eat your dice, Brennan" (Fantasy High Sophomore Year). A great bit made physically possible by Siobhan. I hope Siobhan gives him gummy dice or something like that so that Brennan can continue to eat his dice for Junior Year.

- Orange Top Hat Fairy (Neverafter). It's a horror season and the cast is doing bits about how hot a mini is the entire finale and the Adventuring Party that followed. I felt the stress and off the walls energy through the screen. The Smooth Criminal pin was the first piece of Dimension 20 merch I bought.

- Viola's epic takedown of Phoebe (Burrow's End). Watching Rashawn absolutely crush it her first time in the dome was amazing. I loved Viola from the jump, her arc was so satisfying and fun to watch. Also the idea of a tiny stoat kicking a gun just the right way to get it to fire is hilarious. No notes other than please have Rashawn come back on every season she possibly can.

- Evan Kelmp warns the Rosemont student not to duel him (Misfits and Magic). Brennan's deadpan warning matched with the reactions of the other players and Aabria really make this scene. An underrated Brennan moment for sure.

- Stacey Fakename turns out to be real (Mentopolis). This was such a good reoccurring bit, so to have Stacey be real at the end of the story was too funny. In a season of bits, tropes, and puns - this one has the most payoff to me and is definitely my favorite.

[hotgirlssupportlando]

hard launch

”… and shoutout to Lando Norris because he's gonna be taking it off for me tonight”

pairing: lando norris x reader!photographer (she/her) summary: y/n hard launching her relationship with lando during an awards show wc: 1.4k warnings: none note: all creds to nicki minaj iconic quote hehe and also this is my first text ever so feel free to give feedback :) not a native english speaker!

y/n was a somewhat known photographer in the f1 community. if you asked a member in the paddock what motorsport photographers they knew they’d probably say Kym Illman or y/n y/l/n because they were the most noticeable around the f1 paddock. she was an outgoing beautiful girl and a true spreader of joy, you could almost say that she was the photographers daniel ricciardo. through the years of being in motorsports she had gained lots of friends but in the past months she had found a deeper connection to one of the drivers, lando norris. 

they’d always been good friends, she and lando, but somewhere along the line their interactions had started to become more and more flirtatious. one thing led to another during the afterparty of the last gp of the season and they had now spent all of the winter break together. y/n and lando had travelled around the world during the break and somehow lando had an unusual amount of pics to upload to instagram during his world trip? maybe bc he had a professional photographer with him. the fans however didn’t notice this, they were just delighted over the frequent uploads from all of the corners of the world. 

during their trips it was easy to keep a low profile because they were always a part of a big group people traveling together. but when they were back at lando’s flat in monaco it became harder to hang out in public together without rumors spreading. they both were quite secure in their relationship to one another but they didn’t know how their managers and fans would take the news. they’d either hate it or love it. and if fans were to love it, y/n knew that they couldn’t escape at least some hate, that was just part of being public and especially with a beloved driver like lando. it didn’t help either that y/n remembered the hate that lando’s ex luisa got when they were together and though it could appear that y/n had a though shell she was afraid that it would be tough on her. at the end of the day she was ’just’ a photographer and didn’t receive a lot of hate, and if she received any it was mostly about her work and not about her personally. that’s why this whole public relationship would mean a huge readjustment for her and that’s why they kept it a secret for a little bit longer. 

—

at the end of winter break y/n was sunbathing in the garden of lando’s flat when she received an email with an invitation to a british motorsport award. she was nominated in the category photographer of the year and wow she couldn’t be more excited!! finally a confirmation of all the hard work and many years photographing motorsport. she was quick to run inside the house to tell lando the exciting news, where she was met with huge support and also the news that lando too was nominated in a category! y/n felt a relief that she would have her emotional support with her during a nerve-racking event like this.

—

lando was used to getting dressed up in designer clothes and going to awards but for y/n this was a whole new territory. since lando knew about this and that y/n was quite insecure about these things he wanted to help her as best as he could. before heading to britain for the awards they together went out shopping for a dress in monaco and even got it custom made to fit perfectly for y/n. this was absolutely not in y/n’s price range but lando insisted because he wanted her to feel really special on this rare occasion. y/n had always seen how caring and loving he was but these last months together had really shown her that he’d do anything for her, which was something she’d never experienced. y/n’s heart was so full of all the love she received. 

—

it was the day of the awards and y/n and lando were at a hotel nearby getting ready when y/n was starting to feel anxious and wanting to call the whole thing off. ”this dress is too much, i can’t wear this! people will think i’m full of myself, who am i to wear versace?? i’m a farm girl not a superstar. AND what if i don’t win? it’s going to look terrible if i show up in this only to go home without an award” y/n panicked. lando sat beside her soothing her whilst stroking her back. ”y/n/n you don’t have anything to worry about, you will look absolutely stunning in the dress and who cares what anybody else thinks? this is your first time to really shine so let’s go and make the most of it otherwise you will regret it” lando comforted her. y/n tried her best to keep the tears in to not ruin her makeup, the nervousness really got to her but lando knew exactly how to make her feel safe and a bit more relaxed about the situation. 

y/n was stood in front of the hotel room mirror whilst lando was closing the zipper to her tailored black dress. when he looked in front of the mirror ahead y/n could see his jaw drop. lando was mesmerized over the girl in front of him, her eyes sparkled like never before and her height seemed to have increased from the confident posture. and she felt it too, the confidence, she felt truly beautiful which rarely happened. lando could only smile and gently kissed her bare shoulder ”we look like a badass couple” he chuckled. y/n felt a tingle through her body and smiled at the thought of them being a couple.

to keep a low profile they decided to take different taxis to the awards. y/n felt butterflies in her stomach walking the red carpet whilst seeing lando only meters away looking like the most handsome man she’d ever laid her eyes on. it was even more exciting knowing that no-one of the other people on the red carpet knew about their relationship, it was their little secret. 

the show went on with lando winning driver of the year and the loudest cheers could be heard from y/n’s direction. he held a short speech thanking the team and so on, making a few jokes a long the way because of course he hadn’t prepared anything which was typical him but she liked that about him. that in situations like these he could relax and just be himself. y/n on the other hand had her speech well prepared, if she were to win. 

—

”and the award for photographer of the year goes to…”

y/n’s eyes locked with lando’s and he mouthed ”you got it” followed by a smile.

”… to y/n y/l/n!” the presenter almost shouted. 

y/n was overwhelmed with the feeling of winning that for a moment she was left staring in disbelief. however after the woman sitting next to her gently nudged her arm she woke up again. the woman smiled to her and made way for y/n to walk up the stage. she straightened her postured and confidently walked with the biggest smile on her lips. once she was on the stage and was handed the award she held her well prepared speech about how tough it can be as a photographer in a male dominated sport and thanking her family and that kind of stuff. when the formal part of the speech was said she looked at lando that was admiring her from his seat. she continued whilst looking at him with a smirk ”i also have to give a shout-out to donatella versace for custom-making this dress for me…” people were cheering, ”… and shout-out to lando norris because he’s gonna be taking it off for me tonight”. lando dropped his jaw once again and his smile was the biggest in the room whilst the crowd cheered at the shocking statement. the cameras and crowd excitedly turned to him to whom he gave a cheeky wink and blew y/n a kiss.

a hard launch to say the least.

[thisisadonaldduckblognow]

rise raph also has autism swag: a post

so basically heres a quick little cap collection just of some of raph not getting social cues or reading tones etc

01. minotaur maze, calls leo out on being up to something only because of the use of the word “indubitably” (bonus: so into behavior pattern/routine that even though leo admits outright that he lied to get them to do the maze, raph just continues having half an argument like leo denied it)

02. mrs cuddles, raph is fully wholly completely unaware of the suspicious pre-prank energy his brothers and april are giving with their faces, actions, and tones of voice. like he fully 100% does not suspect a thing

03. stuck on you, raph does not pick up on the fact that his brothers are CLEARLY only saying that the teamwork ball they complained about all episode ~really did make them a better team and they wanna get back together~ to make him feel better bc he was sad it got wrecked

04. shadow of evil, does not pick up on or suspect ANYTHING about the weird-ass energy of the mutually-lying-and-hiding-something exchange they had with splinter. look at him. he is in the middle of being like “we nailed it i can’t believe he fell for that”. i love him.

05. mutant menace, raph is VERY ANGERY that people were unable to tell that the note they left with their ‘good deeds’ was using THE JUST-KIDDING QUOTES AND JUST-KIDDING WINKY FACE!!!! this whole ep could make a case for his autism swag, it’s so.... he is understanding many things in a way that makes a ton of sense to him that is largely not understood by others

06. the ancient art of ninja hide and seek, where raph spends almost the entire mission taking “stick to the shadows” as literally and face-value as turtle-ly possible and thinks he is absolutely nailing it.

07. snow day, (or lbr any other time he interacts w ghost bear) just. so so so excited about his favorite wrestler... very much having that override the fact that ghost bear is clearly not about this

08. raph’s ridealong, goes through the entire process of getting mistaken for a criminal, freaking out a whole police station, getting apprehended and thrown into the back of the wagon, without clocking any of that energy (bc he is so excited to do a cool activity related to his extreme interest in crimefighting/justice)

and like thats just the stuff i found idly browsing through caps i bet theres a ton of other examples on the social front alone, let alone stuff like stims, special interests, behavior patterns, etc.  

BONUS: 

late fee, iconic autism to autism communication

[stupidlovergirl]

TL;DR He's HOT! In which you get caught gushing about how into them you are, by them

Feat. Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan,Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor Dateables Version not edited

"What do I like about Lucifer?" you repeat back. "What is there not to like? He has a pretty good fashion sense, a mature vibe also-" you kept rambling, naming qualities you like about the eldest demon, from his physical qualities to his personality. 

He honestly couldn't believe his ears. He had just come to drop off some documents and ask questions. He didn't suspect that you and Diavolo would be talking about him, much less what you supposedly liked about him. The list must be quite great, as you have barely taken a breath and kept chattering off things.

"To sum it up, Lucifer is one the hottest men I've met. Mature with the just right amount of playfulness. Not to mention easy on the eyes" you finish, love sick look in your eyes

He stopped and waited before appearing a little while after. Diavolo could tell he heard, by the smug smirk he wore. You felt awkward, I mean you were literally JUST singing the man's praises. Giving the documents to Diavolo, Lucifer chatted a little before saying goodbye.

You immediately got called to his office after you came home. Man literally started quoting what you said as you rotted away in the chair in front of his desk. Don't worry, he's just having his fun before he tells you the feeling is mutual.

Mammon catches you talking to Asmo about him on one of your spa days. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop! Honest! You were just kinda loud and he could hear all that you were saying about him through the door.

“Have you SEEN his eyes Asmo? They are the prettiest shade of blue! Ugh, and his hair is so freaking soft. I have never been so in love. He can rob me blind as long as he just keeps smiling. I am so down bad. AND ANOTHER THING-!” you said, going on another tangent. 

Mammon is blushing sooo bad. He is so pumped you like him back! As you should, he IS your first man!!! He has no preservation instincts, so he yells in victory, fistpumping the air. Asmo gets on to him and they have an argument about how he needed to learn to stop that. You, on the other hand, are trying to hide.

Mammon kidnaps you (against all of Asmo's protest) and tells you that you should feel that way about him! He is the Great Mammon after all, your first man! He also stutters out that he likes you too. 

Leviathan does not know how the stars aligned, but he heard you and Beel talking in the kitchen. Well, you were talking as Beel scarfed down the entirety of the fridge and pantry. (He's hoping that his rainbow pizza is a survivor).

"He is just so dreamy, Beel. I don't know how he doesn't see it. His sunset eyes, his devotion to his games? Ugh, and when he goes on his nerd rants? Be still my beating heart!!" You exclaim dramatically. 

Through a muffled mouth of food, he hears his younger brother reply 

"Just tell him. I'm pretty sure he likes you back" 

"He's like a wild animal! Can't approach him to fast or he will run away!! Ugh, but I wanna kiss him so baddd"

He squeaks at that comment, quite loudly. The two of you come out of the kitchen, but Levi is GONE. He might have given away someone who was listening in, but he will not get caught.

Later in the week, he invites for an anime marathon, and makes it very obvious he knows. Just tell him there, he'll freak out, but accept anyways.

Honestly, it was your fault for talking about Satan in a library, especially quite close to the mystery novels.

He was looking for a novel, when he heard you and Mammon talking. He recalls that earlier in the week you two got in trouble for low quiz scores, so you must have been forced to stay here for so many hours.

"Ugh, he is so cute. I love him sooo much. He is so cute when he plays with the cats in the street. He looks so at peace and comfy I lose my mind. Not to mention, his ability to remember things? Iconic. He is the only reason I pass history. I have never felt this way before! I think Satan is, like, my perfect match."

"Good for you. Did you find a cheat sheet online?" Mammon replies boredly.

"I don't think Lucifer would appreciate you not even attempting the work, Mammon" Satan replies, startling both of you.

"Satan!" the both of you yell, in shock.

"H-how long have you been there?" You ask nervously. Oh, how cute is all Satan can think.

"Long enough"

He ignores it till Mammon and you finish your work, with his help of course. He tells you the feeling is mutual, and that he appreciates all the compliments.

Asmo was running late. It was usual, beauty takes time you know! It's also tasteful to be fashionably late, keeping suspense up. He does feel a little bad, as it is Solomon and you kept waiting. It was a cute new café that he had seen all over Devilgram, and just knew that the three of you had to go together.

He was about to yell out for you two, but he saw you passionately talking about something so he decided not to.

"He is just so pretty, Sol. Do you ever think he would be into me? He is completely out of my league, but maybe there's a small chance?? I could be, like, his funny little significant other who hypes him up!! I think Asmo would appreciate that, don't you?"

Solomon, who had noticed Asmo approaching, just shrugged. 

"I dunno, you ask him" is all he says, pointing at the object of your affections with a smirk.

Asmo is soooo happy!!!!! You and him are gonna be the prettiest couple to ever exist, and he tells you that right then and there. He announces that you're dating right on the spot, as you and he both obviously want to. You three have a good day out, and when you go home, Asmo spoils you as you both talk about how the other one is prettier.

Beel had just gotten out of a shower after a workout. He, you, and Belphie had a movie night planned. Aka, Beel gets snacks, Belphie sleeps through the entire thing, and you get to see something you have wanted to for a little bit while hanging out with the twins. It was a perfect win-win -win for all three of you. You and Belphie we're doing prep(you were while Belphegor slept the whole time) for when he came back in their room. So, when he heard you giggling in their room, Beel couldn't help but smile.

"He is so perfect, Belph! He cares so deeply for everyone, and is so kind. I dunno if I ever met such a sweetheart before. I think I should go for it, but I don't know. I figure I should ask you how he feels since he is your twin"

"Go for it" is all Belphegor replies with, sleep obvious in his words. He hears you laugh again, and then decides to open the door.

You look a little pale, and Belphie looks a little smug. He probably heard him coming down the hall, with his better hearing.

"Hey! So I thought-"

"You really feel that way?" Beel ask.

"Oh! You, uh, heard that. Yeah, I really do"

Ecstatic, he smiled so big when you said you were serious. Puppy boyfriend aquired baybee!!!!!!! You two watch the movie while holding hands and cuddling as best you could. Belphie appreciates you two being together but he's not giving up the best cuddle spot to indulge you two.

Belphie, Satan, and you had a scheduled Anti-Lucifer League meeting. The plan was to move everything in Lucifer's office half an inch to irk him. Belphegor had fallen asleep, so he came in a little later than you two. 

"He is so cute when he sleeps Satan! He literally acts like a cat! When he snuggles his head into my stomach I lose my mind!!! I might be reading into it too hard, but I think he might also like me back? Maybe I'm delusional, but it seems like it! I like Belphie so much, he makes me crazy"

"Criminally insane, crazy does not fully describe how in deep you are" Satan replies boredly, like he had heard this rant time and time again.

Belphie, is of course, happy. You like him! Him! Oh man, this is such a good day. He obviously acts like he doesn't know anything when he enters the room. You look awkward, and Satan is tired. After a day or two, he brings it up. He wanted to make you feel like he hadn't heard you. He makes fun of you for being so down bad, but accepts your feelings and tells you he feels the same. He might not show it, but he is also so into you it almost hurts.

[saintvainglorious]

10 Best Black Sails Fics I Read in 2023

In honor of Black Sails' 10th anniversary, here's a list of my top 10 favorite Black Sails fics I read in 2023, in order from shortest to longest. Most Black Sails fic rec posts I've seen are now around 2 or 3 years old (though not all, bless @jaynovz and your #jay's esoteric rec lists tag) so nearly half of the recs in this list spotlight newer fics. It's amazing to see fantastic fics still being written and updated years after the show ended - y'all are keeping this fandom alive!

I didn't read that much Black Sails fic this year, comparatively speaking, so I'm sure there's plenty of newer gems that I missed. All the fics in this rec list are Silverflint unless otherwise stated.

1 - Gone To Port Royal by Apetslife (G, 3k) - a delightful oneshot from Gates' POV where they all go to a pirate afterlife. every scene is perfect. endlessly re-readable and never fails to make me smile.

Definition of Valhalla 1: the great hall in Norse mythology where heroes slain in battle are received 2 : a place of honor, glory, or happiness: heaven

2 - i’ll be seeing you by youatemytailor/@annevbonny (NR, 19k) - this is THEE post-canon Silverflint reunion fic. the anguish, the rage, the quiet jokes, the tenderness, it's all devastatingly in-character. particularly the chapter 5 climactic unspooling leaves me in awe upon every reread.

Silver is out of his chair and across the room before he knows it. He has a grip on the barkeep’s shirt before he knows it, and he’s pulling him up, hauling him eye-level, only to head-butt him to the ground again. The barkeep’s mouth is thrown open in a wail, but there’s no sound, Silver thinks, no sound at all, save for the blood rushing in his ears as he looks at the other man on the ground, watches him roll to his side with a groan. Flint, Silver thinks, and nothing else. It beats around the knife in his gut like a drum. Flint. And then Flint is looking at him.

3 - The Dark Lord Proprietor by Amiril/@runawaymarbles (M, 19k, Silverflintham) - a fuckin hysterical supervillain AU. Thomas has amnesia, Flint is pining, Silver tries to get them back together. what could go wrong? could not stop cackling.

A year ago, James Flint was in a stable relationship and was within spitting distance of taking over London. Now he’s single, with a dubiously loyal henchman, a lairmate determined to learn his every weakness, and a Secret Past with the new supervillain on the scene. And thanks to a new government program, it’s all a race to the bottom.

4 - the cross dimensional nassau bar of getting izzy hands laid by FortinbrasFTW/@fortinbrasftw (E, 19k ~WIP~, Flint/OFMD Izzy Hands) - a Black Sails OFMD Flint/Izzy Hands crossover. the very best kind of smut-as-character study. funny, gripping, and endlessly re-readable.

The first thing Izzy realizes is he looks absolutely fucking furious — which yeah, alright, fair enough. He’s got shorter ginger hair. A beard like Izzy’s but kept neater. Earrings like Izzy’s but worn simpler. Bleeding like Izzy but, well, maybe a bit less. And he’s handsome. Izzy realizes it suddenly and slowly somehow all at once. Bit like a bloody painting even. The kind you saw up on walls in rich folk’s houses. Only, well, no painting had eyes like that, did it? You’d have to be mad to keep a painting with eyes like that in your home. They were bright and clear and looked — honest-to-fucking-Christ — ready to set the whole damned world on fire. Izzy's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night takes an interesting turn thanks to a completely different sort of pirate captain.

5 - frail and fragile bars by Ajaxthegreat/@francisthegreat (E, 21k) - Silver realizes, post-shark date, that he's in love with Flint. an instant, iconic fave fic. SO many delicious scenes and quotes that live rent free in my head. just read it, you won't regret it.

“I think you fuck,” Silver says. By which he means, with great intent: I think you are human. I know you are human. I see you.

6 - the whole estate of mortal man by Amiril/@runawaymarbles (T, 43k) - Creature Silver AU where he'll grant wishes in exchange for souls. first read this fic in 2020 and cried. reread it this year and cried again. the nature of the AU intersects so cleverly with Black Sails' themes, and the end result is devastating.

Silver has a limited memory, an unlimited lifespan, and a need for human souls. He spends months trying to buy Flint’s.

7 - our feast is but beginning by x_etoile_x/@etoilesombre (E, 55k) - Flint teaches season 1 Silver how to cook. they're definitely not dating. no, really. this writer writes dialogue so in-character that it cuts like a knife. features sensual cooking, Flint being a queer mentor for Silver, fun genderfuckery, and Them Being Real Tender.

Flint should walk away. Silver can figure out how to feed the men, it isn’t his problem. But roasting a pig is so easy, and when was the last time he had a hand in creating something rather than destroying it? Anyway, what else is he doing, with Billy taking the crew in hand with such annoying competency? He absolutely does not think about why he is reluctant for this interaction with Silver to end. “Go get another pig,” he says before he can reconsider. “Do exactly as I say.”

8 - With Strange Aeons by Amiril/@runawaymarbles (M, 60k, Silverflint + Flinthamilton + Jackanne) - Came for the Silverflint, stayed for the Silverflint but also for holy fuck Jack and Anne are sent to Savannah and break out of there with Thomas to battle literal Cthulhu. How can you NOT read this. I don't typically read Flinthamilton, but by god Thomas is amazing in this.

After the disappearance and presumed death of Captain Flint and Long John Silver, Max smuggles Jack and Anne to Oglethorpe’s plantation. Thomas learns that not only do the three of them have a friend in common, but he is not the only one whose dreams are haunted by a strange city and a terrifying name. Meanwhile, Flint and Silver try to escape an island trapped in time, impossibly built and impossibly old. Along the way they’re forced question reality, each other, and themselves. And in his house in R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.

9 - The Salt and the Sea by x_etoile_x/@etoilesombre (E, 60k) - a between season 2 and 3 recovery fic. i still remembered months after reading that chapter 4 in particular left me undone. a harrowing journey into the ruins of post-leg loss Silver's mind, plus exquisite hurt/comfort.

John Silver was always able to make the best of a situation. If this particular situation had started to feel complicated, well, a vast fortune ought to prove clarifying. Whatever he might have imagined he’d seen in Flint, the reality was they had used each other. And he had been set to walk away on top. Except now he couldn’t. Now he was trapped.

10 - the straight walk home by vowelinthug/@vowel-in-thug (E, 73k, Silverflint + Jackanne + Maxanne + Billy/Vane) - A western AU and one of the best long fics in the fandom. Excellent comedy, amazing AU twists on our favorite characters, found family vibes, nail-biting action, and a fucking fantastic climax. Also, I can't believe this fic got me invested in Billy/Vane.

Let me tell you a story, about a vaquero named Vasquez...

[bitchimasnake-sss]

iconic (random) quotes as the strawhat crew + shanks, ace!

luffy:

- if you didn't wanna get assimilated into my found family, you should have killed me when you had the fucking chance - i dont have sex cause it serves no narrative purpose to me - (flirting) you look so biteable today - the fact that i am constantly saying weird and unpleasant things is just part of my charm

zoro:

- he's probably texting so many girls sweet things. stand out. tell him you're gonna stab him. - got caught giving a fuck. embarrassing. - *clearly covered in blood and guts but trying to act normal* ok. maybe i did awaken my inner beast. so what. fuck u guys - dont care, didnt ask, plus my boobs jiggle when i walk

sanji:

- talking stage? baby just move in we can talk at home - hes NOT just some guy, hes my girlfriend - how is "pretty boy" an isult?? yes, i am the prettiest boy in town, call me a pretty boy - "what if your gf was wrong?" i'd reshape reality to make it right.

shanks:

- i knew i was gonna be a good daddy at the ripe age of fifteen - if i had a lame ass boyfriend i would hype him up so much. i'd make him wait outside as i go in first and and be like get ready here comes the most specialest boy ever if you dont cheer and clap for him ill blow this whole building up (talking about buggy) - bro your relationship with your friend is borderline homosexual and i think thats beautiful

ace:

- "i can fix him" good for you, i joined him in his insanity - (gripping the bathroom sink, knuckle turning white) but i stay silly :3 i stay silly :3 i stay silly :3 i sta - *gets caught pickpocketing cause i keep saying "yoink" out loud when i do it* - everyday i have to wake up and carry on being a little babygirl

nami:

- i am so happy for you and your ugly fucking boyfriend, im serious - if i had a boyfriend i'd trap him in a glass jar and shake him around - puts cocaine in my lip gloss so when she kisses me she thinks im god - you let a blonde man speak to you like that????

ussop:

-you can't "im just a little guy" out of this one cunt - i could never abuse substances, i love substances - you'd be amazed about the amount of times ive fucked around without finding one single thing

chopper:

- girls be like "i love animals!!" and hate themselves....... like you're an animal girl <3 peace on planet earht - if you look really closely i have this "fear meter" floating next to me that goes up whenever anything - being six feet tall seems excessive

[freemansgirl]

so, you got a boyfriend?

pairing: amber freeman x fem reader

genre: sfw

words: 2.8k

summary: amber hits up reader on her phone, pretending to be a guy from her class so she can see if reader is single to get closer to her and take her on a date. (there’s lines from the iconic opening of scream in this. bold quotes signifies the lines used. based off of this tamber edit!! watch it for context please, it’s important to the plot)

warnings: jealousy-filled murder mentioned, stalking, obsessive and possessive behavior, amber being yandere-ish, amber kills for you

in the stillness of the night, you lay nestled in your cozy home, surrounded by the soft glow of moonlight filtering through your bedroom window. the eerily hum of distant city sounds of woodsboro lulled you into a dazed reverie as you gazed at the empty ceiling above your bed, eying the flat, smooth surface of it. you didn’t understand why your parents bothered moving to this place, there was nothing even special about it, it was dull, boring, and quiet…. too quiet at that. to make matters even worse, what didn’t help to make the city less creepy was the fact there were so many murders happening around here. that’s how you found yourself here, confined to your room with nothing to do... especially now that your parents have you in a safe place to prevent you from becoming ghostface’s next potential victim.

little do you know, the person who was causing all of these murders so happened to be outside of your window. it was no other than, amber freeman, one of your classmates from your art class that was focusing her dark brown eyes on your relaxed figure staring at the ceiling. she thought you were just so beautiful, it’s like the moment she first saw you, she had to make you hers. ever since, the teacher introduced you as the new girl to the class, she felt this strong feeling towards you.

she was continuously watching you to make sure you got home safely and to protect you from any ominous men in the alley, weird boys at school, and occasionally even girls if they made advances toward you. her body was overcome by a wave of overprotectiveness. she even killed a guy for you because he harassed you for your number, and stole his phone off of him so she can contact you. that’s how crazy she was for you, and how willing she was go to go extreme lengths for you. she frequently appeared below your window, concealing herself behind bushes while wearing her black ghostface outfit that blended in perfectly with the night sky to prevent detection.

the stalking started to turn into a daily habit, which led her to learn things about you, even personal things. she shouldn’t even be outside stalking you, and it’s a good thing richie didn’t even know that she had a crush on some new girl at her school. if he knew, he would try to kill you or even convince her to kill you… but that would be such a waste. you were too pretty to just die, she wanted you. once she obtained your phone number, she instantly felt happy because she would finally be able to call you, her dream girl.

suddenly, you hear your phone go off, the ring tone chirping from the phone’s lock screen while it vibrates against the sheets of your bed. the sound of the ringtone cutting abruptly through the peaceful, calming atmosphere that you were just in made you wonder who wants your attention. who could possibly be wanting to be calling you so randomly in the middle of the night? you grab the phone and turn it over just for it to be…. a random number calling you? at the sight of the random numbers showing on the screen, you let out a sigh while you stare at the phone with a blank expression, your thumb grazes over the decline button.

moving to an small, mysterious town and finding a private number ringing you immediately away—yeah that’s totally not unusual. you turn the phone over and don’t even bother with it. since that ruined your mood of peace, you decided to go downstairs to fix you some popcorn to prepare yourself for a movie to get things off of your mind.

amber wasn’t too happy about that, a frown was present on her face while she watched you ignore her calls. just who do you think you are seriously ignoring her calls? you weren’t doing much anyways, you were just some random teenager stuck at home on a normal night while her parents were away. so she calls you again, pressing her finger to the call button to send the call your way.

that’s when you felt your phone buzz in your back pocket, the vibration sending chills down your spine. the sound danced from soft to loud, starting as a faint jingle before swelling into a vibrant melody that demanded attention. you pull out the phone again, it was just that same number calling you. each ring carried a sense of urgency, beckoning that you respond to the call that awaited you on the other end. you begin to press the answer button as you hold the phone to your ear, before speaking.

“hello, who is this?”

“can’t tell you that much, sweetheart, but what i can tell you is that you got a nice voice.”

on the other side of the phone, you heard a masculine, deep voice. their voice had this weird feeling to it, there was something off about it like it was robotic or fake... it just didn’t feel quite right. it’s as if it could’ve been a voice moderator so therefore this person could clearly be hiding behind a fake voice… not their own… how odd. but who in their right mind would even use a voice moderator in this day and age to talk to someone? even if it was a voice moderator, the fact that it has an attractive voice doesn’t help either.

you began to snap yourself out of these crazy, dumb conspiracy theories so you don’t freak yourself out. maybe it was one of those dumb guys at school playing a prank on you. boys being boys, perhaps?

as weird as this was, you couldn’t help but feel yourself blushing and smile while your cheeks begin to warm up. you timidly tuck a hair strand behind your ear, feeling shy from the sudden compliment. just who is this person and why are they even complimenting you? and why are you getting so giddy from a complete stranger at that?

“um, thank you. i appreciate the compliment, but i think you got the wrong number. i’m going to hang up now, have a nice night.” you speak out, trying to end the conversation before things get further. everything about this phone call was just so sudden and random, there is no way they meant to call you and talk to you. you begin to press the decline button wanting to just finish the conversation but the voice talks again, distracting you.

“wait, wait! don’t hang up!” amber exclaims into the phone, her eyes watching from her eyeholes of her mask at the scene of you about to decline her call again. she starts to get frantic and upset because now she may never hear your voice again. she’s doing all that she can to persuade you, as best as possible, so you don’t hang up. she gave you a compliment and made you blush now you wanna end the conversation? god, you were just hard to please. you let out an annoyed huff when you see how persistent and whiny the voice is acting towards you. “okay, fine, i won’t hang up…. just who is this, exactly?”

the unknown voice doesn’t even bother to respond to you, ignoring the question. it was pretty clear they weren’t going to tell you too much based on the answer they gave you when you asked who they were the first time. you should’ve known better to not even ask again. it seems they just want to keep their presence unknown and not reveal themselves. very, very suspicious. “let me guess, are you the guy from my math class that asked me out for my number today? ethan, was it?”

“bingo, sweet thing. that’s right.” amber replied, going along with what you’re saying, clearly making a lie. the lie was so stupidly funny that it was taking everything in her to not break character by laughing. the fact that you simply believed her was just naive and she loved it. the guy that you think that you are talking to is actually dead, he’s not even alive. she’s just taking over and pretending to be him to simply get closer to you.

the beeping from the microwave starts to get your attention, which makes you go run to it so you can get your popcorn out of there. “what’s up with the noise in the background?” amber asked, clearly playing dumb like she doesn’t see you getting popcorn out of the microwave. “it’s just popcorn, that’s all.” you replied, pouring it into a bowl, watching the popcorn fill inside of it. you start to carry the bowl towards your room, beginning to sit on your bed. you grabbed the remote to the tv in your room, turning it on to find your favorite horror movie to watch.

“popcorn? are you about to watch something?” the raven hair girl replied back to your comment. she watched you turn the tv on, wondering what you were planning to watch now. “yes. i’m going to watch a horror movie, right about now. could we continue this conversation another time?” you said, still clearly not interested in the conversation and just wanted to be left alone. your parents would be so pissed at you if they found out you were sitting on the phone talking to some stranger. they warned you so many times about how the ghostface murders have always started with a random phone call, but you just assumed it was one of the many guys from school who wanted your number. that ethan guy did say he was going to call you tonight, but you didn’t take him seriously until now.

“oh? a horror movie? could it be… (favorite horror movie)?” “ethan” replied back, ignoring your request on ending the conversation. “he” just wasn’t going to quit, was “he”? you started to feel yourself getting really shocked, feeling excitement in your face when you heard the voice guess your favorite horror movie. suddenly, the conversation felt interesting to you, maybe ethan wasn’t so bad? you wanted to give “him” a chance. “what? how did you know it was that one?? that’s my favorite!” you beamed, a smile stretching across your lips when you heard your favorite horror movie being mentioned.

“just a hunch, i guess.” amber smirked, knowing damn well she was lying about it being a “hunch”. when stalking you for quite some time in previous nights, she figured out your favorite horror movie, just like she figured out majority of your favorite things. she was feeling quite proud of herself when she watched how giddy you were acting at the sound of her mentioning it. just a second ago, you didn’t even wanna talk to her but now you’re suddenly all up and bubbly to discuss with her. she was slowly starting to win you over.

after moments of discussing your favorite horror movie, you began to feel more and more comfortable with this “guy”. you hate to admit it, but… a small crush was forming and it was crazy because you only known “him” for such a small amount of time. you never smiled or laughed this hard from someone in this fucked up town. it felt nice to have this moment right about now. amber started to speak up, so she can change the subject. “so, you got a boyfriend?”

when you were asked that question, you begin to blush and were left a little speechless at the sudden subject change. “why? you wanna ask me out on a date?” you giggled, playfully twirling a piece of your hair like schoolgirl talking to her crush for the first time. “maybe… do you have a boyfriend?” amber responded, a little bit of stern adding to her tone, clearly trying to get an answer out of you to see what you will say. she needed to know this because she hated seeing all of these annoying guys around you, it was so unbearable. she needed to know if you were single to make you hers once and for all. even if you weren’t single, she could make you by simply killing any potential crush of yours or secret admirers that look in your way.

“no.” you speak, shaking your head behind the phone. at the sound of that, amber felt so much happiness and excitement inside of her body at that response. she definitely had to make you hers somehow and someway, she’ll figure it out soon. “you never told me your name.” she announced, still trying to keep up the play pretend act of being some guy that asked you out. she acted as if she didn’t see your name saved in this phone on the big, bright phone screen but she had to stay in character to earn your trust.

“why do you wanna know my name?”

there was another giggle that escaped your lips, you pressed your hand to your mouth to hide more laughter to situation. you started to just mess around with the “guy” at this point, just wanting to play stupid. you clearly knew why “he” wanted to know your name, it’s because “he” was obviously interested in you. however, a part of you was confused because you could’ve sworn you told ethan your name when he impatiently asked for your number…. unless he forgot? he was in a hurry to get to his next class after all, when he was speaking to you.

“cause i want to know who i’m looking at.”

the smile on your face instantly dropped, causing you to freak out internally, a million of thoughts racing in your head. your gut instinct told you to check the windows since you were in your bedroom and that’s the only way someone could really see you. all of the doors in the house were locked and the windows downstairs had curtains closed, so theres no reason to bother going downstairs to check on everything. you hop out of your bed immediately to go run to see if theres anyones outside… just for no one to be there. you see, amber is always just one small step ahead of you.

she’s been behind the bushes outside of your window, never moved out of her own spot to go directly in front of the window. she’d be a complete idiot if she did that. at the sound of hearing your frantic footsteps run to get out of bed and you not seeing anything, thats when amber spoke up.

“made you look.” she sneered, causing you get to get upset at the fact that she was clearly playing a prank on you just to scare you. “all of this talk about horror movies we just had, and you still fell for this? if i wanted to know who i was looking at, don’t you think i’d make myself known by taking you out on a lovely date soon instead of hiding behind this phone call…?”

this “guy” just scared the absolute shit out of you and all “he” could talk about was a date? wow, talk about a total jerk, right? you started to roll your eyes, not pleased with the amount of terror that just came through your body. you start to get visibly annoyed, which amber can see from her stalking spot, loving your reactions to this. you ended up closing the curtains to your window so no one could see you now. now, amber wasn’t the happiest when she saw that you did that, she could feel a pout come onto her face because now she couldn’t admire you.

“a date, really? you don’t even know my own name. this is not very funny, i’m hanging up.” you huff, about to press to decline button until the voice comes through again.

“wait, so no date? i could just learn it through text or even at the date! cmon, i’m sorry, let me make it up to you…” amber pleaded through the phone, a sweet smile behind that mask hoping you would forgive her. she couldn’t hold back from doing this, you looked way too adorable when scared, just as she thought you’d look. you begin to give in and just sighed at the response. “fine. if i go on a date with you, will you hang up?”

“it’s a done deal.”

after a while, you and “ethan” started texting. it wasn’t that hard for amber to convince you that she was ethan by sending selfies of him off his phone to you. you did actually ended up giving “him” your name just so “he” can make plans for the date. on a random day after school, you ended up going to the cafe “he” told you to meet up with him at….. just for you to end up waiting a while for “him”. he never did show up, leaving you stranded all alone at the empty table booth. it’s such a shame because you didn’t even pay attention to the news to know what truly happened to him. however, to make light of the fact you got stood up, you did end up meeting a really, really cute girl named amber at the cafe…

[physalian]

Take A Risk and Don’t Write a Chosen One

This trope stands the test of time for some very good reasons: Audience wish-fulfillment as they live vicariously through the hero, automatic plot-induced agency for your protagonist, and automatic legitimate reasons for your protagonist to join the whirlwind adventure of the day.

I like chosen ones. We all have our favorite famous chosen ones and I’m not here to say the concept of a chosen one is bad at all.

However.

Those “automatic” windfalls that come pre-packaged with the trope can lead to the author taking shortcuts, or not thinking they have to put in more effort to write a compelling character, because they’re the “chosen one,” what more do you need?

Not writing your protagonist as commanded by the powers that be to participate in the plot forces you to get creative with why they’re here, what they want, and how they entrench themselves in the story. And most importantly, if the gods haven’t chosen them to act, they must now choose themselves to act.

—

I have never read Harry Potter and after its author-who-shan’t-be-named flushed her reputation down the toilet, I never will. I’ve seen the movies, they’re ok. I have no nostalgia-driven love for this franchise, and most of that comes from watching Harry be an incredibly boring protagonist.

Book readers correct me, but Harry is the poster child of “only exists so the audience can live vicariously” with generic heroic traits and nonexistent or at least unimportant side quirks and distinguishing hobbies, interests, or personality tics. He’s “brave” and “courageous” and “determined”... as most child protagonists of children’s books should be. He has zero flaws that come back to bite him in the ass. He acts the way he’s supposed to, not the way he should want to, as an independent being.

He’s the least interesting character in this entire cast, and I can’t stand Movie Ron. Ron, Hermione, Neville, or Draco would have made much more compelling protagonists and so much of this relies on the “Harry is important because the plot demands it” crutch.

Why is he the chosen one? Because his birthday happened at the right time of year? What is the story trying to say about the dichotomy between him and Voldemort? What about his personality, his wizard-societal stances on the many faux pas in this series, or the choices he makes, that makes him the chosen one? Why should I care?

You know who’s a great chosen one? Percy Jackson. Why? Because he understands the screwed up world he lives in on page 1. Being a demigod isn’t everything he ever dreamed and despite what Disney + wants you to believe, he’s got a crap bio dad who’s as disappointing in book one as Percy expects him to be.

He’s not even the chosen one by the end of the original series, and what a fantastic twist that was.

An infamously self-chosen protagonist has her own iconic hero quote: "I volunteer as tribute". Katniss is a nobody. She's not the evil president's daughter, she's not the child of a famously martyred revolutionary, she's just a girl who refuses to bow down to the reaping, refuses to let her sister get slaughtered, and volunteers for a death match that historically sees anyone living to survive another year cowering in relief. Yeah, she has some convenient skills in her archery and survival knowledge, but those matter because her district is starving, she learned through necessity.

Every second of her story, Katniss is fighting for her right to exist, and she only becomes a "chosen one" dragged around by the powers that be when she becomes marketable to the grand scheming of the actual revolutionaries, when, before, she didn't care about politics, she just wanted to save her sister. She matters because she chose compassion in a world where survival demands only serving yourself.

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It’s so, so easy to start planning your book and make your cool fantasy world and figure out how your protagonist fits into it. So easy to say “well they’re the long-lost princess and the only heir to the throne” or “this magic amulet from her great great aunt is the key to saving the world” or “she’s the villain’s secret love child and the only one who can stop him because blood magic” or “this vague prophecy picked this little desert slave boy to bring balance to the Force”.

None of these stories are at fault for writing chosen ones.

But push yourself to let go of that crutch and come up with other reasons for why your hero is the hero. Usually this character has been isekai'd into magical-fantasy-land or magical-hidden-fantasy-urban-underbelly and you can still write that character.

Refusing to make them the chosen one demands one thing first and foremost: How is this outsider going to fight for their place to exist here? What do they bring to the table with their hobbies or interests or unique skillset that happens to be mighty applicable and useful in this new world? What is it about their personality that draws these strangers in? What do they want from this new world, and what are they willing to do to get it?

This choice demands you give your hero agency (though whether you give into those demands is up to you).

More importantly: I think it gives your audience agency, as they still live vicariously through their hero. Sure, lots of kids have lost their parents and live in horrid conditions like a cupboard under the stairs, but none of us will ever be “chosen” by omniscient wizard prophets. Harry would have immediately been a more compelling protagonist to me if he’d stumbled upon magical shenaniganry and fought for his place as some forgotten nobody mudblood.

Harry would have shown us his courage, instead of the story insisting he has it, we promise, just don’t think too hard about it.

Stop giving me characters who accept their destiny because God said so. Give me characters who fight tooth and nail for a destiny they discover on their own and I’ll root for them to succeed even more than someone compelled by force. Not everyone can be a chosen one, but everyone *can* choose themselves and decide to act.

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With that said, I have an announcement! I have a new book in the works bereft of a prophecy-ordained hero. It’s time I put all my sagely writing wisdom to the test in a shiny published paperback myself. If you’ve learned anything from my blog in your writing journey, please subscribe for updates on the upcoming novel!