#it’s not me conforming to gender stereotypes it’s me just being trans

[san-marzano]

what are some of the worstest takes youve ever seen come out of the twst fandom i wanna see whats going on

[vexingwoman]

I remember arguing with this trans-identified female before I was full-on gender-critical. I had asked her why it wasn’t enough for her to just express herself however she wanted. As in, why wasn’t it enough for her to cut off her hair, wear masculine clothing, go by a masculine name, etc. Why did she have to go one step further and misogynistically claim that the aforementioned characteristics meant she was no longer a woman? Because as she had described it, gender dysphoria was indeed an issue of self-expression first and foremost—not an issue of linguistics. 

She responded by saying that even if she self-expressed in a masculine manner, being called a woman would still give her dysphoria due to the stereotype of women being feminine. Essentially, it bothered her that others would associate the word woman with femininity. So then I asked how we would ever deconstruct those associations if masculine women like herself continued to deny their womanhood, and continued to insist that their masculinity meant they were actually men. She never responded after that.

What was most intriguing to me, is that she had no issue acknowledging that her sex was female. With that in mind, I had attempted to explain that whether she called herself a transgender man or a gender-non-conforming woman, in most people’s minds that simply translated to being a masculine female. And again, if she had no issue acknowledging that she was a masculine female, then why couldn’t she just as easily acknowledge that she was a masculine woman? Round and round the questions went. 

[t4tstarrailing]

afab, amab, fem, and masc: basic terminology 101

hi! are you wanting to be more inclusive towards trans audience members and are an x-reader writer? well, this is the guide for you!

my name is jules and i'm a trans x-reader writer. i focus mostly on true gn!readers, trans!m!readers, and cis!m!readers. i also like to read x-reader fics. unfortunately, i struggle to find x-reader fics to read, because i don't want to risk having my gender dysphoria triggered. and i am hoping that this guide will help you be more accessible to trans readers.

and you may have seen this guide before and yes, that was also me. i lost the post, am too lazy to go and look for it, and i am also a certified yapper and would like to add some additional things.

so in this guide, i am going to be over the terms afab, amab, fem, and masc; explaining how i see people using them incorrectly and what they actually mean; explaining what words you should be using in what scenarios; how to be even more inclusive towards trans readers; and emphasizing why trans isn't a dirty word.

if you are trans yourself, please feel free to add any additional notes or experiences that you have personally had, especially in fandom spaces. and if you aren't trans yourself and want to double-check yourself, see if any of your trans mutuals are willing to chat about it! sometimes they aren't, sometimes they are, but don't be afraid to ask.

so what do the terms afab and amab mean, and where do they come from?

simply put, afab means "assigned female at birth" and amab means "assigned male at birth". it means the doctor looked at you at birth and designated your gender based off your genital presentation.

the terms were never intended to describe someone's present sexual anatomy. in fact, they come from the intersex community and how doctors designate intersex individuals at birth, either surgically or sometimes taking a guess. the terms, however, have been adopted by the wider community, sometimes successfully but many times unsuccessfully.

i see a lot of people using these terms to designate what sexual anatomy the reader has, which is wildly incorrect. not every afab person has a pussy. some afab people have dicks. not every amab person has a dick. some amab people have pussies. not every afab person with a pussy refers to their anatomy as a pussy. sometimes they call it a front hole or just a hole. not every amab person with a dick calls it a dick. sometimes they call it a strap, or they call their own hole a pussy.

afab and amab should also not be used in sfw settings. you're more than likely looking for a different term, such as masc!reader or fem!reader, or just f!reader or m!reader.

what terms are frequently used by the trans community to refer to their anatomy?

bro, there are so many. off the top of my head, for trans men and trans masc, there's front hole, mancunt, boybox, boypussy. for trans women and trans fems, the only ones i can think of off the top of my head is girlcock, girldick, and strap.

when in doubt, go the gender-neutral route and say "hole" or "chest" if you're referring to the chest/breast area.

with that being said, there's nothing wrong with trans men calling their anatomy a pussy or trans women calling their anatomy a dick. in fact, many do.

however, there does come a point where it becomes a tad bit uncomfortable seeing non-trans men/mascs people insistent on using pussy/cunt for trans men and mascs, or non-trans women/fems insistent on using dick/cock for trans women and fems. especially if people flatout refuse to entertain the idea of using other words that trans folks may find more comfort in, or force the character to conform to characteristics stereotypically associated with the anatomy (eg. usually assertive guy in canon is depicted as being submissive and needy [example: dr. ratio in honkai star rail, childe in genshin impact, kabru in dungeon meshi], only difference being he's being written with a pussy. usually quiet girl in canon is depicted as being a dommy mommy [example: hanya in honkai star rail, ayaka in genshin impact, falin in dungeon meshi], with the only difference being she's being written with a dick)

so what do fem and masc mean?

fem and masc just refer to gender presentation. it doesn't have anything to do with gender or assigned gender at birth. fem =/= female, masc =/= male. fem cis gay guys exist, masc cis women exist.

so if i go into a fanfic and it's labeled fem!reader, i'd expect a fem reader with a slightly more feminine gender presentation. words like perfume, clothes like skirts or dresses, etc. if i go into a fanfic and it's labeled masc!reader, i'd expect a reader with a slightly more masculine gender presentation. words like cologne, clothes like suits and ties, etc.

nuance: yes, this is a very basic breakdown of gender and gender presentation. mascs wear skirts and fems wear suits, i am well aware of that fact. but this is fandom, and this is what i have personally noticed in fandom spaces. i'm not trying to teach gender studies 101. i just want to read fanfics.

how are these terms being misused? again, it is improperly designating the reader's sexual anatomy. fem does not automatically mean pussy. some fems have dicks. masc also does not automatically mean dick. some mascs have pussies. these terms also do not have anything to do with sexual preferences. some fems like to top and/or dom, some mascs like to bottom and/or sub.

if you're wanting to designate a female reader, the most common usage i see is f!reader. same with male reader using m!reader. if you're wanting to specify that you're writing a cis reader, you can always write cis!f!reader or cis!m!reader.

is your reader truly gender neutral?

there's been a few times where i'll go into a fic that's labelled as gender neutral and be slapped with gendered terms. most of the time it's a one and done thing, but other times it'll be throughout the fic and i'll need to exit out of it. and, to be honest, a lot of the time i just chalk it up to people not editting.

my advice is just comb through your work very carefully. look for any instances of gendered terms, like pronouns or pet names or descriptions of clothing. if someone is willing, find a beta reader to go over it and maybe pick up on something you've missed. learning to degender your thinking is difficult given how heavily a gendered world we live in, and people are bound to slip up every once in a while. hell, i do it as well and find myself having to correct myself in my writing sometimes.

gender neutral does not mean non binary!

this isn't as common as other instances, but i do see it every once in a while. not every non-binary person uses they/them pronouns and may, in fact, use neopronouns or he/him or she/her. or use multiple pronouns! so gender neutral fics aren't inherently non-binary fics.

trans is not a dirty word!

this is honestly kind of inspired by a recent uptick in people describing male characters as afab!male character, and seemingly refusing to use the word trans in any of their content. and to be completely honest, when it's coming from non-trans people, it's kinda weird and an auto block for me at this point. because like, you're wanting to write about fucking men with pussies or fucking women with dicks, but it reads like you're scared of using the word trans like it's a bad word. it also sounds like you're centering the fact that this male character has a pussy, or this female character has a dick, and making it like a "ohhhh look at this!!! this is so unique!!!". and fandoms are notorious for fetishizing trans people, so it feels a bit borderline fetishy, especially when it comes from non-trans folks.

side note: i am a single trans person. i do not speak for the hundreds of thousands of trans people in existence. please do not harass people that do this, i am just stating my own personal opinion. as said at the beginning, i am a yapper with opinions.

this is also about non-trans men/mascs writing afab!male characters or non-trans women/fems writing amab!female characters, i am not talking about trans men/mascs writing trans men/mascs or trans women/fems writing trans women/fems.

but men with pussies exist in real life! women with dicks exist in real life! trans people exist in real life! trans is not a dirty word! just say trans and explicitly state the anatomy terms and pronouns you're using! it's so much easier to communicate to your readers what to expect!

so what formatting would you recommend to communicate well with my readers?

honestly, it's gonna sound weird, but just lay everything out so the reader can make a choice on whether or not they want to read your content. some examples that i've used in the past as well as a few others i can think of atm.

this is for specific characters i write bc i got tired of writing reader over and over again lmao.

blade is depicted as trans masc and uses he/they pronouns. he is non-op for both top and bottom surgery. his chest is referred to as his chest with descriptions of him wearing a compression top, and his anatomy is referred to as tdick and tcock. his strap is referred to as his dick.

jing yuan is depicted as a trans man and uses he/him pronouns. he is described as having top surgery scars and a fully healed phalloplasty. his anatomy is referred to as dick and hole. his partner calls him "prince" and "handsome" throughout the series.

pantalone is depicted as a trans masc and uses he/him pronouns. he is described as having top surgery scars, silver bar nipple piercings, but no bottom surgery. his anatomy is referred to as chest and tdick/tcock. his partner calls him "sir".

reader is gender neutral and uses they/them pronouns. they are described as having a chest, and their anatomy is referred to as hole. there are references to wetness, but it can be interpreted as spit, natural lubricant, or artificial lubricant. their partner does not use pet names with them.

sampo is depicted as crossdressing in this fic, but continues to use he/him pronouns. he is described as wearing a dress and heavy make-up. his chest is referred to as breasts, while his anatomy referred to as dick and hole.

luocha is depicted as a trans woman and uses she/her pronouns. she is described as having breast growth but no bottom surgery. her chest is referred to as breasts while her anatomy is referred to as clit and pussy. her partner uses the terms "princess" when talking to her.

ningguang is depicted as a trans fem and uses she/her pronouns. she is described as having breast growth but no bottom surgery. her chest is referred to as breasts while her anatomy is referred to as her strap.

if it sounds weird me using the word "anatomy" for a person's sexual anatomy, it's bc i'm trying to avoid any possible moderation lmao.

anywho. i'm done yapping for now. if you've got any well-intended questions, please feel free to shoot me an ask and i'll try to get to it in a timely manner. i'm also happy to discuss how trans people are frequently fetishized in fandoms, or anything else that people may be curious about.

but please do remember that i am one single trans person, i am not the end all be all of trans opinions. i just yap a lot.

[trans-androgyne]

but what is WRONG about the statement “men and masculinity are privileged above women and femininity, so transmascs must be privileged above transfems”? that is sound logic, and it’s not disconnected from reality, because reality supports the idea that men and masculinity are privileged above women and femininity. even among trans people. that statement means “there is a particular scrutiny and struggle that women face that men do not”, not “men and masculine people aren’t ever oppressed and trans men don’t experience transphobia”. you seem to think that the issue is that not enough transfems/people are listening to what transmascs are saying about their own experiences, but when it comes to transfems talking about how their experiences with oppression are more severe, it’s perfectly ok for you to not listen to them?

Incorrect. The reality is that isn’t true for everyone, which is what we’ve been trying to demonstrate over and over. “Men and masculinity are privileged” when it’s cis men. Masculinity and identification with manhood is not encouraged above femininity for women or people believed to be women. Femininity for me would be gender conformity. Masculinity makes me transgender. And we are kicked in the teeth for it constantly, by both cis people and our own queer/trans community. All the worst stereotypes of both men and women are applied to us, as is true for trans women. If that supposedly common sense logic copy + pasted from narrow cisfeminist understandings were to be taken literally, transmascs would be privileged over cis women too gender-wise because masculinity is privileged over femininity, and we just Happen to experience transphobia with zero gendered oppression.

I am listening. I have been listening and agreeing and supporting for years and years and years. But other people speaking up made me realize my problems mattered too even if they didn’t fit into the narrative. And now this is my response. Now I want to be heard. I am telling you that my masculinity—my queer, my trans masculinity—is not fucking privileged above shit. I was nearly kicked out over it; I have been made to feel like I am ugly, worthless, and an inherently worse person for it; I am excluded from spaces I need resources from for it; I feel invisible in my community for it. Queer/trans masculinity gets you fucking harassed and assaulted — ask butches! Ask transmascs who don’t pass! Or the stealth ones who suddenly fail to, a nightmare situation for many of us. Look at the numbers for me — trans men and transmasc non-binary people have the highest rates of sexual assault of any gender category. It can and does happen to many due to being transmasc (including someone I know personally) even sometimes taking the route of corrective rape with the intention of “detransitioning” them. I feel less safe since I’ve started transitioning, not more. Before, I wondered if I was being stared at since I was pretty and had long hair. I would get catcalled. It felt gross. Now I wonder if I’m being stared at because I’m visibly queer. I still get catcalled. I feel less gross and more afraid.

We also experience things transfems and cis women don’t! “There is a particular scrutiny and struggle that trans men and mascs face that other people (typically) do not” that’s precisely what I have been trying to convey. And that’s exactly what our tag is full of. The belief that our oppression is “less severe” is mistaken, you just haven’t heard our voices enough. It is the result of our historical and compounding invisibility. We are speaking up and begging you to listen.

[sebaztianlovesgeek]

Why I don't like the trans woman Vil headcanon

You probably saw my repost of another person talking about this but I wanted to rant about it by myself so here we go.

Before you start calling me transphobic, I'm not angry BECAUSE he's being headcanoned as trans (I actually headcanon him as trans myself, but as a trans man) and at the end of the day he's just a fictional character and it doesn't really matter so do whatever the hell you want.

That being said, a huge part of Vil's characters is not liking gender roles/stereotypes

This scene with him and Epel speaks for itself:

Why is this a problem? Well the main reason I'm seeing a lot of people headcanon him as a trans woman is because he is feminine-

My reaction:

Ah yes because feminine men totally cannot exist! They HAVE to be a trans woman! Same with tomboys they have to be trans men! Oh my god-

I want to clarify I'm not blaming trans people for this, in fact I've seen mainly trans people in the twst wonderland fandom call this out and mainly non trans people headcanon Vil as a trans woman.

To be fair, a lot of trans people started out as masculine "women" or feminine "men" before they realised they were trans, but that doesn't mean ALL feminine and masculine men and women are trans (or at least not transitioning to be the opposite gender I have met plenty of masculine trans women and feminine trans men)

Like the post I reposted said, if Vil truly WERE a trans woman, s/he'd probably be a tomboy, because a huge part of Vil's character IS 👏🏻BREAKING 👏🏻GENDER 👏🏻ROLES!

A lot of the trans male friends I have who also like Twisted Wonderland look up to Vil, because they want to break male gender roles and pass enough to be seen as a feminine guy and not a woman (what I mean by that is when trans men are feminine and like wearing dresses and stuff they are often a bit too afraid to do it due to social dysphoria and being misgendered so they usually wait until they begin passing more to wear/do more feminine things, its sad)

So when said trans male friends see the other twisted wonderland say Vil HAS TO BE A WOMAN just because he's feminine it makes them upset, they think they aren't "trans enough" and that to be a "true man" they must conform to male gender roles so they can be "trans enough"

The same goes with female characters who are masculine, trans women who are tomboys could be happy that a woman in media they watch is more masculine like them, but when people start headcanoning said woman as a trans man, it could make the trans women upset

I'm not saying headcanoning certain characters as trans is a bad thing, do whatever the hell you want, I'm not the type to get angry over fictional fun, I scoff at people wishing death upon proshippers because yeah its gross but at the end of the day its just fiction and the person behind it are often just a weird pre teen, I barely even make "call out posts" about these types of fandom stuff but subjects like being transgender often hit home for me because I have many trans friends and a few trans relatives whom I worry about because I know dysphoria can often make people think unhealthy and suicidal thoughts, so I'm just concerned about the harm certain headcanons could cause

[xueyuverse]

I've seen comments about Xie Lian performing femininity as if it were a bad thing, saying things like "if you're going to make him feminine then make him a woman for once" and "making a gay man perform femininity is heteronormativity", so I need say some things.

First, saying that a gay couple with one of the men being feminine is "heteronormative" is homophobia.

Saying that a feminine person has to be a woman is also transphobia 😃 when a straight cis man wears clothes and makeup he is applauded, but when it's a gay man (sometimes even a cis man) or a trans person, is that heteronormativity??

Saying that an feminine gay man is stereotypical and that these men shouldn't be represented because of "heteronormativity" is homophobia and even transphobia, not the hot take you're expecting.

"But call one of them your wife–" so what? Haven't we gotten tired of saying that things related to femininity and masculinity have nothing to do with someone's gender and sexuality?

Not all people conform to their gender and there are many gay people who perform femininity because of this, just as there are many lesbian people who perform masculinity.

There's no harm in playing with gender roles, many feel comfortable and better doing so, and it does not in any way negate their sexuality, whatever it may be.

I'm a non-binary and gender non-conforming person, so it pains me to read things like "if we're going to feminize him then I might as well make him a woman all together." It seems like you have no idea how violent this is.

[the-delta-quadrant]

robyn holdaway (the person who played layla in sex education) made a tiktok about how most of the transantagonistic hate comments they get are calling them a girl to infantilise them, only rarely and in specific circumstances do they call them a woman to frame them as a groomer. they talked about how trans men & afab nonbinary people tend to be infantilised.

then i realised that this never actually happened to me.

like, i've seen this happen to specific people time and time again. i've seen enough general statements about "poor girls destroying their lives" and needing to be saved. i've seen it so much that i've internalised it. after all, i'm the thing they're talking about.

but looking back on my 7 years of being out, i don't really remember ever getting infantilised like that. pretty much all i ever got was comments calling me a groomer.

and i think it's in large (hehe) part because i'm fat.

it's way harder for them to infantilise someone who is physically big, possibly bigger than them. also the way fatness is often hypergendered, people tend to automatically assign a certain level of inherent masculinity to me. UwU smol enby or even UwU softboi isn't something that is afforded to fat people, and to other groups too.

a lot of whether you fall into the "child" or "groomer" category seems to just come down to appearance. people who have taken testosterone and are at the point where they are seen as men don't tend to get infantilised. they get framed as dangerous groomers. i've seen more than enough trans men, transmascs & nonbinary people talk about this.

and apparently this can also happen if you haven't medically transitioned and just happen to be fat, because we are also stereotyped as creepy and dangerous. it wouldn't surprise me if this happened to a lot of PoC too, as they're stereotyped as dangerous too, but i can't personally speak to that experience.

all it took is to be fat for me to just skip "child" and level up straight to "groomer".

looking back even further, i was never infantilised for gender transgression, even when i was thinner. even when i thought i was cis or wasn't as openly nonbinary, people would frame me as dangerous. people at my school would call me a common german slur that basically translates to "fighting lesbian".

and if you wanna go all the way back, even as a child when i was pretty gender conforming i was never treated like a child either due to many traumatic experiences. also apparently when you're a very tall child people just ignore your age or something.

but yeah. the whole "trans men and afab nonbinary people only ever get infantilised" isn't actually true for a lot of us.

they infantilise people that they perceive as any kind of feminine. they grab onto that "femininity" and try to "save" them. they think if there's even a slither of femininity left in someone, they're not lost to the "trans cult" yet. this is why they love going after people who had top surgery but aren't on T.

but many of us are perceived as inherently masculine, as the people doing the grooming rather than the kids being groomed, as the worst traitors of womanhood.

antitransmasculinity hits different when you're not thin.

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

kinda fucked up for you to see a gender non conforming woman (samsus) and automatically make them trans. you get what i mean about how thats just reinforcing gender stereotypes (that cis women are feminine and would never commit genocide even a little while transwomen would do masculine evil things like shoot gun (because they’ve kept their man vibes) or whatever

yeah

I can’t tell if this is like a shitpost or a really poorly worded commentary because I have no idea who you are. Frankly I would normally assume the worst block you, buuuuut since I like talking about it I’d love to explain why Samus Aran is extremely transgender.

Tbh I am still tempted to block you but the terrible grammar, spelling error, and nonsensical nature of the ask almost make it seem like a shitpost

First of all Samus being trans-coded was very core to her character from the very beginning. Regardless of the reasons they did it, the original Metroid was intentionally made and marketed to have people assume she was a man. This isn’t even just because people would see a person in a power suit and assume they were a man, the games manual explicitly refers to Samus with he/him pronouns. The immediate assumption that she’s a man because she’s tall, broad shouldered, badass, and wears a power suit that obscures her feminine features until the big reveal is inherently a trans theme. Taking that away makes her a less compelling character. It’s also continued in that Metroid media has continually joked that a lot of the Galaxy assumes that Samus Aran, the greatest bounty hunter in the Galaxy, is a man.

Secondly there was that one Metroid dev who said in an interview that Samus was transgender. The terminology used was outdated and it was explicitly a transphobic joke, but it’s too late she’s ours now.

Thirdly she is (was) built like one of us. That is, prior to the later zero suit designs trying way too hard to be sexy. Like seriously when I first found this image a few years ago I was the same height and weight as her. I miss the big buff broad shouldered Samus design so much and her later redesigns are honestly kinda pathetic by comparison

Fourth, Samus was raised by the Chozo and trained to become a powerful warrior. Part of what they did to make her strong was body modification via Chozo DNA splicing to make her stronger and more agile than a normal human. This is a sci-fi setting where she was raised by an extremely advanced alien race who could change her very DNA, acting like she couldn’t look like she does and be a trans woman is simply not even an argument.

Now, of course, you could refute all this by saying “but Cordelia, we know what Samus looked like as a kid from Metroid Zero Mission and the manga and she was clearly a little girl not a boy.” Now even without addressing the fact that it’s very possible for people to realize they are transgender as children and that children don’t even really have secondary sex characteristics to make it easy to tell what their gender is, this what Samus actually looked as a child:

The combination of all of this gives us trans women a lot of good reasons to believe she is transgender. But also, literally none of this is necessary for me to headcanon a character as trans. Trans women come in all shapes and sizes with all different stories and not a single thing in Metroid canon even remotely suggests that Samus Aran has to be cisgender. And if you try to say “but Samus has no bulge in canonical zero suit Samus depictions!” you’d have to be intentionally dense. Samus Aran is a chimera with a cocktail of human, Chozo, and Metroid DNA and, again, was raised by a race of super advanced aliens. Not only could they have easily given her bottom surgery, but they could’ve even changed her fucking sex chromosomes if she wanted them to. There is literally nothing in Metroid canon that even remotely gives me a reason not to insist that she’s transgender. To be honest, there is more evidence for her being trans than against.

To anyway anyone who actually read this far, I hope you understand the truth. Nintendo’s redesigns are too afraid to show us, but you and I both know that her cock is huge

[twistedsocials]

My gender hcs:

Ruggie is genderfluid, but they don't know it. Like, he knows they're not cis, but he just doesn't have the time to look into it atm

Transfem Jade. Fun fact: morays can change their sex if the circumstances are right. I think that at some point after graduating NRC, the twins decided to try it out of curiosity. Floyd wasn't really into it, but Jade had a "hey wait a minute" moment

Apagender Jamil. One time she mentioned that they don't care about what pronouns people use for him in front of Floyd and Ace and the two of them immediately responded by referring to them with the most absurd pronouns they could come up with, making Jamil question all of eir life choices

Vil is a gender non-conforming trans man and I will die on this hill

When asked about his gender, Rook will simply say "wouldn't you like to know". In reality, he doesn't know either. If he hears someone try to take a guess, he goes and researches whatever it was just to see if it fits

I'm kinda going back and forth on my Epel hc. The reason being is that I'm not sure if headcanoning him as trans masc is stereotypical or not

Lilia identifies with a gender that has been lost to time, but e uses the apagender label. She also uses any pronouns

Silver has both trans masc swag and trans fem swag, so I hc her as bigender

BIGENDER SILVER LETS GOO

Transfem Jade yesyesyesyesyes she’s literlaly my favorite transfem lesbian (hc) AND GENDERFLUID RUGGIE TOO LETS GOO

Unlabeled Rook canon trust me apagender Lilia and Jamil too okgomgomgomgomg gnc Vil too

Transmasc Epel (or bigender transmasc too) fits in my eyes

[charzoodle]

I originally turned to reddit about this, but reddit doesn't like trans people, and I just need reassurance/advice. So here's a copy pasted version of my original post, originally posted on r/advice. I really hope this gets to other trans people.

I (ftm 21) have known I wasn't cisgender since I was in 5th grade.

I explored gender a lot thanks to the internet, and in 6th or 7th grade I made a post on Tumblr asking old gender queer people for adivce, as I couldn't find a label for my gender that felt right. I accidentally left the post up on my computer, and my parents saw it. Both my parents are fairly conservative and right winged (they've gotten more conservative over the years), and were pretty upset. They sat me down and told me I would always be their daughter, my name would never be anything other than my deadname, and that this was all a phase. I decided to supress the feelings I felt, and continued to dress/act feminine for them. But there was this looming feeling in my chest that something was wrong about me body.

But as I got older, my transness became less easy for me to ignore. My freshman year of high school I cut off all my hair, and just at school with friends, started going by a different name. I made an alt Instagram where I posted about my transness somewhere my parents wouldn't be able to see. But, eventually, they found the account. Once again, they sat me down and angrily explained to me that I wasn't trans, that I was a girl, and would never be anything else. They once again told me it was a phase, and that the internet was telling me I was trans just because I'm "not like other girls". They told me to start exersizing, and once I lost weight I would stop thinking I was a boy.

That didn't help, though. Once again, I tried to conform to who they wanted me to be. But I was miserable. I forced myself to become hyperfeminine, and during Covid became an "e-girl" to try to conform. But every day I applied make up and put on skirts or put my hair down I'd start sobbing. Everything about my body felt wrong, but I had supressed the idea of me being transgender that I refused to think about it.

However, when I graduated high school, I came out as nonbinary on my TikTok and Instagram, and started going by all pronouns, saying I didn't care. My parents didn't bring it up, and I decided nonbinary was the closest I'd ever get to being myself.

Last year, though, I ranted to one of my friends about how much I craved being a guy. How seeing my chest or hearing my voice made me borderline suicidal, and how when people called me my deadname it just felt... wrong. He's also trans, and we talked about it for a while before I realized I'm actually transgender. Like, fully.

I socially came out as a trans man and started using my new (and current) name at college and with my friends, as well as online. I requested my new name and pronouns through my college, and they changed it in the system. My parents have never mentioned my name change or identity from online. Only three members of my family currently know I'm trans, and they've promised to keep it a secret until I'm ready.

So, basically everyone knows. Except for my parents (and my job, but becauss I work at a daycare I figured I'd be safer being in the closet so my job wouldn't be at risk due to harmful stereotypes and shit like that). After a little over a year of being out to everyone but them, hearing my deadname makes my skin crawl. Knowing my parents don't percive me as their son hurts, and it hurts even more knowing they never will.

But I'm so sick of being in the closet. I'm ready to start testosterone. I love the name I chose, and I'm ready to legally change it. But I don't make enough at my job to move out, and I don't want to risk going homeless or getting beat/killed. I can't pay for college on my own, since my dad pays for my tuition.

All that being said, it physically hurts to be in the closet. I want to rip the bandaid off, and finally feel the freedom of being myself. I'm just scared. But also, after all these years of seeing me be queer and talk about transness, how can they not know? My mom has even admitted to knowing I want chest surgery.

I feel so lost and scared. And I need help, because I don't know what to do and it's really bad on my mental health, especially right now.

[ventbloglite]

Some of you really need to step back a little bit and acknowledge how ignorant you are towards how misogyny affects trans mascs and how you yourself may be perpetrating said misogyny when speaking ill of trans mascs.

Which is not something you should be doing at all, fyi. You can talk about individual shitty trans mascs and certain community issues you dislike which involve or are perpetrated by trans mascs without just being transphobic towards trans mascs in general.

So many times I've seen the sentient of 'AFAB's have it really easy, everyone accepts AFAB's as trans, everyone loves AFAB trans people, the world caters to you, there is basically no problems for you if you're AFAB unlike AMAB folk' shown in a variety of ways from a variety of people including just outright saying it. Not to mention the belitting of trans masc experiences with transphobia and misogyny + the way those interact because they identify as men even though transphobes still consider them to be women and don't give a shit about their actual gender.

A main crux of transphobia (though many other factors which result in hating us come into play, too many to go into now) is that trans people are seen as and treated as their AGAB and punished for not identifying as it or portraying it 'correctly' by society. So tell me why so many seem to 'forget' about how misogyny impacts trans masculine people. Could it be because you believe that advocating for trans women and trans femmes and fighting transmisogyny somehow must involve being transphobic towards trans men due to that radfem influence you've absorbed? The world will never reach gender equality of any kind if everything is 'men versus women' so can we just fucking not bring that into trans spaces please.

Examples!

I saw recently a post which perfectly pointed out the potential risks associated with someone considered 'male' growing out her hair but OP clearly knew absolutely nothing about the same risks associated with someone deemed 'female' cutting his hair. Instead of not making that post or doing some research, OP thus assumed there weren't really any risks likely due to already believing that AFAB trans people have it easy.

The ignorance! Misogyny heavily impacts the way hair is treated on those perceived as women (including body hair) and women/those perceived as women have no end of people policing what they can and can't do with their bodies often taking things to the absolute extreme to do so. Short hair on woman may seem 'more accepted' but AFAB people of any gender could quickly tell you multiple situations where it's not and results in the same violence, abuse, homo(lesbo/butch)phobia and yes possibly even death depending on the situation even if you still identify as a woman. Pretending this doesn't happen is straight up misogyny btw.

'AFAB's pass easily by doing basically nothing' is another frequent one which makes me laugh. 'Passing' for most trans people is so situational and so dependent on what you do or don't do to strictly conform to gender stereotypes if you're even able to do that at all. To suggest that the world ignores feminine gender markers the moment someone's hair is short and their chest appears mostly flat ignores both the complexity of how humans perceive gender and how misogyny comes into play whenever a woman/perceived woman shows any masculinity let alone maleness. Considering the same misogyny comes into play frequently against trans women you'd think it'd be easy to remember.

This general sentiment of 'Being born with a vagina means your life is easy and everything you do will be loved and supported because society adores you. You don't and will never have any real problems, not like anyone born with a penis.' isn't magically okay and absolutely super different to when misogynists say it about cis women because you're using AGAB language and cite 'because you're men and blah blah patriarchy' as the actual reason you're saying it. It's very clearly same shit different coat of paint. The pool is there, your toes are in, stop preparing to dive for Gods sake.

[vouam]

Hi! I’m new to tumblr and the radfem ideology and so coming across your page I’m rly curious about certain part of the “gender abolition” movement. If there was society where people base each other off of sex, but don’t attribute the stereotypes of gender onto it, then would everyone just be a collective “them?” (Without pronouns like she/him) How would pronouns work and would everyone be considered “non binary?” Also does that mean being trans and identifying as a woman is inherently against this idea? Genuinely curious because I want to know more in depth about this from your perspective:)

Hiii thanks for your question & welcome :) feel free to ask me anything else!

I’ll answer each part of your ask in bullet points.

- Pronouns

No it would not necessarily mean there’s no gendered pronouns. Every language is different and english just happens to have a female, male, collective, unspecified pronouns (he, she, they) some languages have one gender neutral pronoun, some have even more! Someone’s preferred pronouns are irrelevant tbh. If someone wants to be called he/they and they’re female it doesn’t matter - just as long as we dont redefine what woman or man means (biology)

- Would everyone be considered non-binary?

The term non-binary only exists in a world where there is social gender, it basically implies someone has ‘opted out’ of social gender and identifies with neither. In a way, yes, people in a non gendered society would technically be non binary because social gender wouldn’t exist, but a term for it wouldn’t be necessary.

- Is being trans against this idea?

Yes, because trans ideology states that socialised gender is a thing. They believe biological sex and gender are different. In my opinion, socialised gender is oppressive and also makes no logical sense, it puts men and women into social boxes which is essentially the same thing as stereotypes. It’s insensitive to claim that being a woman is a feeling or an identity when this is something biological women are oppressed for, face difficulties for since birth. Why would a male ‘identify’ as an oppressed class? It’s often rooted in fetishisation and implies that if they like feminine things, or like to present feminine - that means they’re a woman. Which is just misogynistic and implies gender non conforming women are not actually women.

Hope this made sense! If you need any of this explained more just let me know 💖

[solarsolarpunk]

i know everyone is talking about imane khelif but theres something i can’t stop thinking about. The “i’ve never been punched so hard” line from the italian boxer, that left me in shock. It’s like she genuinely thinks that the womens category is inherently a lesser one where the weaker people go to compete, and that a woman has simply no chance against a man (even though imane isn’t one). To the point of forfeiting the match in 30 seconds. Even before the match media outlets were spreading misinformation against imane and saying that the italian “would be massacred” if imane were allowed to compete.

To me this specific moment highlights just how much pure sexism there is in the trans histeria. It was never about protecting women, it is about putting women “in their place”. Enforcing gender stereotypes about women being naturally frail and gentle and bashing all women who don’t conform to these ideals.

Of course, because of how white supremacy and the patriarchy go hand in hand the biggest affected are usually women of color. If Imane were trans, intersex or cis should not matter, this is a case of policing women of color. Let’s not forget that the italian boxer is a cop with links to the italian far right.

They are using transphobia as a weapon.

[vampirenicotine]

Do you think Louis is trans?

my first anon in years omg hi.

well louis is whatever you want him to be tbh that’s the beauty of fiction. i really don’t think viewing him or lestat as fem or trans should be as serious discourse as it is but for me idk if he’s trans per say in the form of presentation like gabrielle, but i do feel he falls somewhere along the gnc spectrum. i really want to see him & gab have a discussion on gender re this post: https://www.tumblr.com/vampirenicotine/759604986044891136/the-way-a-lot-of-us-view-louis-as-our-girlie-and

in my eyes, louis’s very fem coded and the first gay black male in gothic horror to be written in such a complex, well rounded way that doesn’t stereotype him and that’s so fucking important for those of us who love this genre. as a bi black girl who’s always been a little gnc i feel so connected to him becuz i’ve also had to code switch and put on a mask in order to blend in.

i think a few things that back up fem louis is first of all lestat saying in the pilot that louis conforms to a lot of roles and none of them are his true nature. to me that means being the dominant pimp prior to their wedding night was just that. i think after louis was turned he tried to hold onto that dominant role a little longer, but the deeper he fell in love with lestat, the deeper he fell into the role of “the loyal wife with an eating disorder” pitted against the “mistress” hence why we never saw him have penetrative sex with anyone during his marriage to les despite their sanctioned infidelity.

i also think being lestat’s “housewife” and claudia’s “mother” were the roles he most enjoyed before they got ruined by charlie’s death and that’s why we saw so little of it in his pov. lestat referred to louis as loving, thoughtful, and dedicated, and louis wanted to keep those “wifely” parts of him to him because once again…. he was playing a role in the interview.

to his core, louis is very soft, very demure, and very much just wants to be held in love and romance. s1 & 2 is his journey of self discovery and i think we got a taste of the true him in that final (iconic) scene for s2 where he emerged as a strong independent woman that’s enough for herself and owns the night.

[kunaigirl]

You know what screw it I'm making my own positivity post!

Here's to the butch lesbians who are soft and sweet. Here's to the butch lesbians who are shy and kind. Here's to the butch lesbians who don't like strap-ons. Here's to the butch lesbians who are silly and goofy. Here's to the butch lesbians who still enjoy cute things and get annoyingly excited over everything. Here's to the butch lesbians of faith. Here's to the butch lesbians who are vanilla. Here's to the butches who worry they won't be taken seriously in our own community because we might not be perceived as "tough enough" to fit in.

We're not any less valid in our gender-nonconformity and lesbianism just because we don't adhere to the stereotypes that masculine women should always be hardcore tops and have an abrasive attitudes at all times.

Obviously, there's nothing wrong with butches who are stone and gruff, they're all awesome too! I just wanted to make a post for butches like me. I've been invalidated by others (a few times actually) for being "too soft to count as a true butch" despite still taking pride in my identity as a masculine presenting and gender non-conforming gay woman.

There's no wrong way to be a butch lesbian! WE ROCK! Also yes this post IS trans inclusive btw!

[jfkonfucius]

i noticed you headcanon confucius as genderfluid! is that u projecting or picking up on little things within the series?

It's a mix! I'm not projecting on the genderfluid part cuz I'm not genderfluid myself, but I am a transgender guy, and Confucius seems to be relatable to a lot of transgender people

I'm prefacing this by saying that I acknowledge that realistically this wouldn't be canon at all, the show is very clear about him being a cis guy, as if the "cloned from a cis man" thing wasn't enough, they reaaally had to hit the nail in the coffin with .. that one line

(SHIVERS)

BUT ANYWAYS. I think a lot of the little details I notice trans people could relate to, I can also see going for different kinds of trans people, which is why in my personal headcanon his identity is fluid. He's alright with his masculinity, but he also wouldn't mind being perceived as no gender at all, or a girl. Depends on how he's feeling that day

FASHION

A common thing that made people transgender people relate to him (this is mostly a pre-s3 thing), is the focus on his design to cover the shape of his body. His main outfit is a very layered hoodie

But also, in situations where everyone else would wear lighter clothing or be shirtless, he would still cover his torso

People can be insecure about their bodies for plenty different reasons, body dysphoria being a common one

Bonus: he's not afraid to wear colors that wouldn't be stereotypically masculine. Pink is a major part of his main outfit

STRUGGLES WITH STEREOTYPICAL GENDER CONFORMANCE

He has to make a visible effort to be "like the other boys". A lot of S3 E4 was about that!!

He seems to often misunderstand what "being a man" is supposed to be. And the people around him agree that he doesn't conform to manliness very well. He has to go out of his way to prove it in ridiculous ways such as putting on an unnatural deep voice, or bringing A WHOLE ASS BEAR to a party. He's not used to manliness being his main thing, but embracing the man part of his identity doesn't distress him

THIS LINE THAT KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE WRITERS MEANT BY THIS

This also keeps me up at night as a Jfkonfucius shipper but by saying this he's excluding himself. "You're boys" what are you, Confucius!? This could be interpreted as a nonbinary or girlie thingy. I pick both with the genderfluid headcanon. Muahahaha

Or alternatively he's claiming that he also has something special with JFK because they're both boys I mean whaa

BLUE-HAIRED

Everybody knows blue-haired bitches collect pronouns and genders /J

Confucius is a guy. Confucius is a girl. Confucius is nothing. Confucius is all of it. But not at all times. Do you understand the vision ?

Thanks for providing me the chance to yap about my woke bs 😎😎😎 I don't take my headcanons super seriously so if u disagree and find this ridiculous thats cool . I'm just having fun