#it’s possible I also don’t know what the fuck im on about! I probably haven’t read enough to be qualified to have this rant

[exopelagic]

ALSO TRANSGENIC TRIALS ARE JUST LIKE THAT SOMETIMES MAN PLEASE SHUT UP

[ironunderstands]

I’m having some Aventio thoughts.. :3

Possessive Aventurine urghhh Aventurine who won’t let Ratio out of his sight for more than 10 minutes when they are out together out of fear, Aventurine who is terrified he will lose someone else he loves and will hold Ratio’s hand at any opportunity he gets, Aventurine who mildly and vaguely threatens anyone who so much as looks at Ratio badly…. AAAAAAAAA

Like usually I don’t enjoy the “you’re mine” kinda trope/mindset, but Aventurine has lost practically everything and everyone close to him so I can see him being extremely, well, possessive, of Ratio. However he would still obviously respect the others boundaries (especially due to his trauma), it’s just I can see him keeping Ratio as close as he possibly can.

I think that’s why I like writing fics where Aventurine is rescuing/saving/protecting/etc Ratio because he needs the ability to care for someone like that just as much as Ratio needs the ability to just let go and be vulnerable

Like Ratio already spends all his time trying to help others so having someone else do it for him is a welcome change, and Aventurine constantly has all eyes on him, so not having to be the center of attention for once is freeing..

..which is also why I probably prefer dom aven/sub ratio when it comes to nsfw/suggestive content of them. It’s more interesting than the alternatives to me because it’s a dynamic that would benefit both of them and help work out their issues in canon. Not saying it’s some magic fix it or something but yeah I think Ratio needs to give up his control sometimes and Aventurine needs to gain some. I feel like people downplay how sex can be used to explore character dynamics and I know this is kinda off course for what I usually write/talk about but I just haven’t seen anyone discuss it so I thought it was worth mentioning.

Moving onwards, I really love writing Ratio when he’s not in a normal state of mind. Drunk, injured, sleepy, a fucking owl (IM WORKING ON THE FIC THANK YOU @aurae-rori FOR HELPING ME BETA ITS AT 6.3/~10k WORDS IM GONNA TRY AND FINISH IT SOON I PROMISE), etc.

Whatever one of these you decide to inflict upon Ratio allows for some really interesting characterization to be enabled, because well, the man’s a tsundere, and it’s kinda hard for him to keep that up when he doesn’t have the capacity to. Honestly I view his tsundere-ness as being half voluntary/a choice and half just the way he is because he’s not very good at expressing his emotions or dealing with other people’s emotions.

However if I were to say, make him drunk, a good portion of that barrier breaks and Ratio’s true self gets exposed, and he nor Aventurine nor anyone really know how to deal with that. It’s so much fun to just put a character out of their element and see what they do next, and I think messing with Ratio’s mental state is the epitome of that, because now he has to confront the fact that he IS hiding parts of himself, and that’s scary (in a good way).

I also think Aventurine dealing with the fact that someone just genuinely lives him but is too afraid to really show it would be compelling. Would he blame himself? Would he dig into it and accidentally cross Ratio’s boundaries, then feel horrible about it? Would he doubt that it’s really real until it becomes transparently clear that Ratio does love him? Oh the possibilities..

Would he see Ratio being kind to someone in a similar way that Ratio is to him and get jealous? Would he worry that maybe he isn’t special to him and is just selfishly imagining everything?

They make me insane.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Is yugo a proshipper/neutral? Genuine question because they’ve done some… questionable things in the past (shipping frans, using slurs they can’t claim in a comic (the f slur).

I mean I came across a post that said they were pretty chill with someone shipping epic with freaking Xgaster in march of this year and I was like??????? (Dude?? 1. That guy is an alternate version of your abusive father. 2. He’s basically Cross’s father (y’know your canonical best friend?)  who also abused by him. like what????)

(here the link btw https://www.tumblr.com/yugogeer012/745992208927293440/im-very-interested-in-how-yugo-reacts-to-the-fact?source=share )

And I find it weird that they seem to chill about that, but if you try and bring up epic in any way possible they lose it since they have unbridled hatred towards him and his fans. (bonus points when someone talks about shipping epic and cross, heck shipping epic with anyone male tends to make them annoyed, despite some early art depicting epic FLIRTING WITH METTATON) 

(also here the link: https://www.tumblr.com/sanicpluushy/761634810556039168/can-we-see-epicsans-flirtin-i-do-imagine?source=share ,

and my thoughts : https://www.tumblr.com/talonsirgo/761779011986800640/this-is-even-funnier-when-you-scroll-down-to?source=share)

I'm pretty sure they wiped Epic and his papyrus out of the comic just so they wouldn't have to deal with them anymore.

At this point i've already blocked them for their hostility towards all things epic/epic being gay/shipping him with xgaster and the whole frans stuff. I mean dude, even comyet is grossed out by anyone trying to ship ink with a gaster or his fathers (who are gasters and aren't even related by blood. Not that it matter tho, it's stil gross).

Come on yugo. You're better than this

(oooh btw did you se my where i @ you?? I found some pretty interesting analysis on cross thats been agreed upon by jakie herself, unfortunately it was done by the creator of dreamswap eugh.)

I don’t know if they are or not, because shipping Frans (or used to) and using f slurs while they actively seem to really really hate any gay ships but is very okay with lesbian ships seems a little strange. Potentially fetishizing perhaps, although maybe they’re just annoyed if they were constantly bombarded with sans x sans questions and stuff.

I don’t know Yugo, haven’t finished reading any of the Epictale content and i haven’t scrolled all through the blog, so I can’t say for sure. Maybe someone with more knowledge on this can chime in.

Although, after reading one of the links you sent me, i think you might’ve misread something.

The asker and yugo didn’t say they shipped Epic x XGaster or were okay with that, they say were okay with Epic Gaster x XGaster. No alternative sons being shipped with alternative fathers, although DILFs (im using this word just because they are both fathers not because i personally want to fuck them 💀) who are the same person are being shipped and yugo at least doesn’t mind or doesn’t care.

I don’t know what their issue is with their own characters and people liking them, but I think yugo probably needs to set some boundaries with fans if they haven’t already.

rather than getting annoyed when people inevitably ship best friends and one of them is their character who they make flirt with men, perhaps they should just ask people to not send them questions about sans x sans ships, or crepic if it really makes them that uncomfortable. and if anyone does, just delete the asks or comments or reblogs.

getting annoyed when people bring up or ask about the characters you made seems pretty strange to me, it’s just a sign that people really like your character enough to be obsessed with them, but i can understand if they got annoyed if epic was all anyone focused on and not any of the other characters. but in that case, they should probably just delete anything they get about epic (from fans) they don’t want to see or answer.

but to allow your emotions and fans like of your character to cause you to change a story, or erase or get rid of the character, just to spite the fans/character or just so you don’t have to deal with them seems very odd to me. perhaps yugo needs to take a step back from the Epictale “fanbase” and stop engaging with it.

they can’t control what fans do with their work and characters as soon as it leaves their own eyesight, and they’d be better off not stressing over it. and fans should respect them, and stop bringing fandom stuff to them like ships or asking their opinions on ships—no one needs a creator’s opinion on a ship.

epic is a different thing, since he’s literally a character in the story, and a sans at that—which of course means people will bring him up and ask about him. if they don’t want to answer anything about epic, they should make that very clear and then don’t answer. Not answer just to give annoyed, passive aggressive replies. I think it’s sad when creators allow a fanbase to taint and affect their feelings about their work.

{ @talonsirgo }

[skkpaws]

rant but i feel like the fandom’s whole issue with “death baits” and the obsession with a character dying is a little odd. (open to continue :3 , manga spoilers)

first , i just feel like with most of the “death baits” (i keep quoting it because some of them i don’t consider real death baits but more moments where you just question the status of the character. ‘are they alive or dead? both a very possible’ but i digress) are either a little obvious simply because they’d be generally bad endings for those characters.

sure , sometimes characters die and there isn’t some world changing impact or affect on the story or characters. but especially since there hasn’t be really any main character deaths, including ones without a real purpose just feels cheap to me, for example dazai’s.

as for fyodor , having a villain that has always been in the background or as the mastermind for years be killed off without a real explanation of his character such as his abilities , his true motivations and where they come from or anything about his past would be such a waste of character in my opinion.

and sometimes ppl are just dramatic with what they call a death bait. no , fukuchi was not “death baited” he’s still heavily injured and would have liked died eventually even if fyodor didn’t show up. it’s not to crazy for him to not die immediately to a single stab, and i don’t think giving him one final comment to show his desires and be willing to sacrifice himself to protect the others hurt the narrative at all (also .. he’s probably dead now)

now we have bram likely dead and it still seems like that wasn’t enough for people? i’m not 100% sure, maybe i’m misjudging but from my point of view it feels like the fandom wants someone from the main cast dead which i just haven’t seen any moments where that would benefit the story. i get the idea of having stakes and consequences but it’s always conditional for the fandom. it has to be a character that they’re not too attached too but they like enough to give a fuck about and get feel something for and that’s just never going to be the same for people.

anyway , i’m not saying im at all against a main character dying, hell , with the new “tripolar singularity” threat i do think it would make sense for someone (whether it be main or side cast) to possibly die, but i want it done properly. i understand others opinions on the past arcs but im just not sure if people truly think their changes would have improved the story or if their own bias is skewing this. feel free to let me know your stance or dm so i can understand better :D

[mrsmiagreer]

“I haven’t had a crush in a long time”

Lasko whining to the DAMN crew about how hopelessly in love he is with Coworker

Warnings: Fluff, a little cussing

It was 8:48 in the morning on a Sunday. Lasko was up, showered and dressed, and sitting on his couch, butterflies lingering in his stomach from the night before. He had a wonderful night, even if it started like a shit show. And he was very grateful that they still wanted to be with him even if he was a mess, because lord knows if he was in their shoes, he probably wouldn’t.

He sat on the couch of his apartment and called Freelancer as soon as possible, letting it ring a few times before he heard them answer

“Hello??”

“Freelancer H-hi! I-I-im sorry to-to call you this early i-i-in the m-morning I know you were p-p-probably s-sleeping but I just want to- to tell you about m-my date! Uhh are you busy?”

“Yeah no i’m just uhh—”

They looked over at the mess in the kitchen, powdered sugar all over the counters and A certain special incubus and a cute curly-horned daemon trying to make donutholes

“—just gimme a minute and maybe you can come over and we can talk about it here?”

“Yeah! Yeah O-of Course. What time d-do you think I should head over?”

Gavin came over, politely interrupting for them, Freelancer immediately leaving him with the phone and going over to help Caelum with the donuts so it can be over quicker. They loved him but they also wanted alone time with Gavin before spending the day with Lasko.

“Hey Lasko, really happy to hear that you want to talk about your date, it must’ve went well, and we’re glad to hear all about it around…11? How’s that sound?”

“Oh! H-hey Gavin. Yeah, yeah 11 sounds g-good to me. Okay i’ll see you soon. Well not- not soon soon, 11 is-is in three hours. W-w-w-well i guess th-that wouldn’t make it a-soon at-at all because three hours is k-kinda a long t-time…Y-you know w-w-what I m-mean. Bye—”

And he hung up, not wanting to over speak like he usually does. He also texted Damien and Huxley to meet him at Freelancers house so they could talk about it collectively. So there he sat, maybe putting a show on or doing some chores around the house, waiting for 11 to roll by so he could tell his friends allll about how much he liked his date.

————————————————————————-

Freelancer sat on their couch with their legs on Gavin’s lap, his hands caressing their thighs and rubbing their feet from time to time. Damien and Huxley sat next to eachother on the other couch, next to Lasko who was uncontrollably smiling

“Alright Lasko. Spit it out, How’d it go?”

Damien spoke, tired of looking at eachother in silence

“W-well at first…at first it was a f-f-fucking d-disaster! I-I made a fool of myself and- and spilled their drink i-in their lap, A-AND s-s-stood up i-into the waiters’ p-platter of f-food and i-it got all o-o-ver the table! God I wanted to j-just CEASE to e-exist!”

“Oh my…Lasko I thought you said it went well” Freelancer said, a little concerned with how he was describing the night

“Well this is just the beginning…i-i-it got better I-I promise!”

Lasko went on to explain how his date still wanted to go on a walk with him, even though he was super clumsy and constantly inconveniencing them. They had a really nice conversation, the nicest Lasko’s had in a while. He emphasized how calm they made him feel and how they were considerate of his anxiety and let him take his time. After a while of him describing the night and the date themselves, Freelancer quietly noticed that Lasko wasn’t stuttering anymore, it become a slower, more admirable way of speaking. And they were really happy for him.

“They’re so beautiful and sweet and funny and their lips are so soft and- and they’re really fucking intelligent…I-I mean I really don’t know what they see in me…b-but I’m happy that they seem to like me. I really really like them. Gosh I haven’t had a crush in a long time” He put his hands up to his face, cooling his warm cheeks with a light gentle breeze.

“Aweeee” Huxley replied, also really happy for him. “That’s great buddy!”

“Yeah Lasko that’s amazing. When’s the next date?” Damien followed up

“And when do I meet them?” Gavin spoke, Freelancer cutting him off with a small hit to the chest “What? I have to approve first. I know Lasko and what’s good for him…really well actually—”

“U-uhm! I-I-I’m not s-sure but I’ll see. I r-really cant wait for y-you you all to meet them. Y-you’re gonna love them” He smiled, all his friends smiling back.

“Alright! Now group hugs?” Huxley spoke, standing up

“Yeah!!” Freelancer spoke also standing up, taking Gavin with them. He was smiling contentedly, knowing this was coming.

Damien rolled his eyes, never admitting to actually really liking the hugs. They all stood and pulled Lasko to their chests, Huxley squeezing a few people together a little too close.

“I love you guys”

“We love you too Lasko”

————————————————————————-

A/N: Hey guys! This took me a little while because of Lasko but I love him too much to give up, so here we are! @guyspizzapie I believe this one is for you, thank you for giving me the rec… I really enjoyed making this, and you actually have like 3 or 4 more coming so please stick around😊

[washedoutwings]

making a full list of headmates because uhhhhh why not

format: name, age, roles, species, pronouns, introject or not, sign off, fun fact??

nina, 12-16, beesecutor+chaosnaut, human, she/her, nope, #🧡🐎🌾.nina or just 🧡, she likes horses

castiel, uhhh no clue but he’s an adult, urge holder+guardian/protector+social anxiety holder, no idea, he/it, no (it is NOT castiel from supernatural, he’s green not an actor), -castiel, he’s around 8’ tall

unknown, we don’t think it really has an age, watcher+archivist, we don’t know but definitely not human, it/its, no, it doesn’t front so it doesn’t have one, it doesn’t talk

elijah/elephant man/elephant, 25-26, chaosnaut+adhd holder, not human of some sort but he looks human, he/him but every once in a while (vv infrequently) she/her, yes (camp here and there), #💖🐘.elijah or 💖🐘, he can do stuff other headmates can’t (like vvv abnormal stuff). also he’s gay

sydney, 24, autism holder+trauma holder+possible insomnia holder+possible anxiety holder, mostly human, he/him, yes (camp here and there), #🐌.sydney or 🐌, he died and was revived and also cofronts a lot

bill, all of it, chaosnaut+adhd holder, triangle god, he/angle/brick/it, yes (gravity falls), #🅱️🖕🫷🫷 or 🎱, he speaks in emojis a lot and we don’t really know what he’s saying when he does

chilchuck/chil, equivalent of 43-45, possible assidumate, half foot, he/him, yes (dungeon meshi), he doesn’t have one yet, he is younger than he is in his source material

natsume, 14, not sure yet, human? probably human with some demonic ancestors, he/xe/ce/it/they [xe/xem/xer/xemself, ce/cei/ceir/ceiself], yes (camp here and there), #🥀⚔️.natsume or 🥀⚔️, emooo

stan/stanley, uhhh old????, *shrug*, human, he/him, yes (gravity falls), #💵💵.STAN or -💵💵, BUY SOUVENIRS

jon/magnus, middle aged i suppose, archivist+co-host, it is. complicated, i do not know yet but he seems okay, yes (the magnus archives), #📼.jon/magnus or -📼, i am very new here. hello

adam/up and adam, wouldn’t you like to know (im an adult tho), heh. demon, vampire, he/rot/they/xe/it/blood/wound/fang, yes (camp here and there), #🫀🍎.adam or -🫀🍎, im dating elijah. also, i post about autocannibalism sometimes, but i’ll tag it. oh yeah, im also a marriage counselor lmao

ford/stanford, stan’s age, unsure, he/him, yes (gravity falls), we don’t know yet, he likely won’t front much

narinder, we don’t know, *shrug*, he/they, yes (cult of the lamb), #🐈‍⬛.narinder or -🐈‍⬛, uhhh yeah!

link, young?? like probably 16-19, not sure, he/him, yes (breath of the wild), not sure yet, he doesn’t speak out loud…ever

chris, early middle age, we don’t know yet, he/him, yep (chris dunne factive), fuck if i know man, yeah, that’s me, im here a lot

not sure yet but just call them ghoul or the ghoul, probably 28 ish??, mmmmm no clue but humanoid, they/them (there are more but we don’t know them yet), yes (ghost band/nameless ghouls), they haven’t fronted yet, they hang out in headspace mainly, we don’t know if they’re a fictive or a factive

there’s a dragon headmate but we don’t have any info on them yet

all of my (rook) kintypes and theriotypes are also headmates but they don’t have very specific identities other than what they are

possible/questioning/developing headmates:

soren (chnt)

hunter (toh)

a plague doctor guy

[mikimyslee]

is there anything that helps you when you run out of ambien? tbh i think i'm going to end up in a similar situation soon (in my case i haven't been overusing them but my doctor is just never in his office and the other doctors i get put with won't refill it and try to take me off it cold turkey) i hope you can find some way to hang in there, i'm sending kind thoughts your way and hope life gives you a break. wishing you the best 🫂

(I’m sorry this is so long, prepare for the biggest yapfest of 2024)

This is my first time running out, and it was due to my own stupid irresponsibility, so hopefully I shouldn’t deal with this issue again. However, I absolutely hate that your doctors are treating you so badly, it can be dangerous to pull you off of your meds at random especially when you really need it. If im not misreading and you’re taking Ambien as well, cold turkey quitting that stuff, whether it was your choice or not, can be dangerous depending on a few factors such as dose and length of time you’ve been on it. The doctors you are dealing with sound like they’re being incredibly careless with your health and if it’s possible I would see about switching doctors, but that process can be difficult and frustrating so I completely get it if you can’t do that.

If things start to get bad (like you begin having withdrawal symptoms or you start to feel like hurting yourself) and you have the option available near you, I would go to an urgent care or the ER.

I know that isn’t available to everyone though, but in the past four months I’ve been to the er and urgent care at least 15 times. It’s not an exaggeration, I just have been running into health problems that badly that many times in a short period. I’m saying this because it was the only way I could get SOME kind of help in my most desperate times. Maybe they can listen to the issues you’re having and someone might be able to help you get in contact with your doctor. I can’t say for sure what they’d be willing to do though, it’s like a gamble with every healthcare worker. Sometimes they’re really helpful, sometimes they’re indifferent to your situation.

Depending on where you are and what insurance you have, trying to get the help you NEED is like pulling teeth. I’m so sorry you have to deal with it, it’s stressful, scary, and it’s enough to drive you fucking insane. I’m also sorry that I’m not very good at giving advice and for going on a tangent. Despite being on the highest dose, I probably haven’t been on this med for as long as you have, and so therefore i have not dealt with much physical withdrawal symptoms. Mainly just anxiety, rebound insomnia, nausea. Its difficult for me to say exactly what I’m doing to deal with it, a lot of it is me just sitting and watching the clock, biting my nails, stuffing my face with food to deal with more bubbling over anxiety.

As far as I know, I am with certainty getting that prescription filled, so I’m able to find some comfort in knowing that it will happen eventually. For you, it seems that the future of your prescription refill is uncertain right now. I don’t know how you’re getting through any of it, but if I was in your shoes right now I’d probably be handling it very badly. That’s to say, I genuinely think you’re a resilient and strong person who has likely dealt with more than your fair share of problems and stressors. I think you’re going to make it through this, and you will be able to get in contact with your doctor or a doctor willing to listen to you, even if it’s a painstaking, infuriating process.

As for what I’m doing and I’ve been doing for the past week to get through it…I’ve been trying to keep myself distracted with other things and I take some other meds I have so that I’ll eventually get tired.

At night I take two benedryls, six hydroxizine (25mg), half a mirtazapine (15 mg, previously prescribed for insomnia but I stopped taking it after I got prescribed the zolpidem. I still have it so I’m using it to get through these two weeks) and two 10mg meletonin gummies. These are split into two doses, not taken all at once. I take a Benedryl, three hydroxyzine, and a meletonin gummy. Then I take the rest after a few hours, usually closer to 5 am and then I try to sleep. It’s worked so far, the key is to not start flipping out if you can’t fall asleep immediately, which I do a lot.

I’m not sure if you have hydroxyzine on hand, they give that stuff out like candy, but it’s an antihistamine similar to Benedryl and it can make you sleepy. If you don’t have that, 10mg meletonin gummies and Benedryl might help at least a little BUT PLEASE BE CAREFUL with how much Benedryl you take. It’s funny to joke about that hatman, but you can seriously die if you’re not careful. I went to the icu last month due to an accidental overdose of Benedryl and hydroxizine, wasn’t in there long but it was ROUGH.

At max, take three, but don’t take more than that in one night if you can help it. And don’t take them all at once. If you feel like they’re not working, give it time. I used to take about six or seven benedryls every night just to maybe catch a little sleep. Tolerance can build on it, so you have to be cautious about how much you’re taking.

I wish I had some better way to help, I’m so sorry for this long ass paragraph, I really hope I was able to answer some questions but please feel free to ask more if you need some clarification or anything else. I’m sorry that your doctors aren’t helping you, I know how fucking awful it is to deal with. I’m sorry if I didn’t make any sense at all but I hope I did, let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help. You’ve got this 🫂💖💖💖💖

[ancientgreecehistorynerd]

hi moottt how was ur day?

i have some bookish questions for u bc why not

-what is ur favourite genre of literature?

-what are your top 5 favourite books?

-what are your top 3 favourite authors?

-do you have a favourite book character? if so, who are they? (feel free to list more than one)

-what is your favourite romance trope?

-what do you like to see in a main character?

-what are your thoughts on queer literature?

-what is a bookish pet peeve you have?

-do you like to purchase books, borrow them, or read them online?

-do you often read books translated from other countries?

thats all for now :) have a nice day

hello! i’m doing okay in the middle of moving tho so stressful haha

help did i never answer this? i’m sorry i’m actually tumblr illiterate like crazy

My fav genre is probably hm… def fiction haha young adult and contemporary…? it said those were genres i’m so sorry i don’t know the names of them and i’m an anxious mess! but if it’s got gay people and mental illness i’ll take it. i like dystopian as well!

top five NOT IN ORDER LOL

-girl in pieces by kathleen glasgow

-solitaire by alice oseman

-radio silence by alice oseman

-the perks of being a wallflower by soeben chbosky

-blood of olympus by rick riordan

(they change all the time haha)

-for authors i would def say

-rick riordan

-alice oseman (obv)

-and hm i haven’t read more than one of glasgows books so possibly suzzanne collins maybe? AUGHH IM SO INDECISIVE! (i do have fav fanfic authors tho haha)

NICO DI ANGELO THE SON OF HADES AND WILL SOLACE THE SON OF APOLLO THEYRE FROM RICK RIORDANS GREEK DEMIGODS SERIES(S) AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEYRE MY SPECIAL INTETEST THEIR COOL AS FUCK AND HE IS SO ME I AM SO THEM THEYRE MY EVERYTHING AND I LOVE THEM MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF (wait that’s not a good comparison uhh) I LOVE THEM MORE THEN FOOD ITSELF 🗣️

as someone who is demiromantic i’ve got to say friends to lovers since nothing else makes sense in my mind haha other then that hurt/comfort and just being domestic are UGH love it! SUNSHINE X GRUMPY as well. I eat it up everytime.

i love when main characters are similar to me so mentally ill gay very sad etc etc lol but besides that i would say complex? i hate it when authors make “i’m so happy all the time” characters the main character like i need DEPTH where’s the FLAVOR. so i suppose just not being perfect?

there needs to be more of it lol. i’m loving how much of it is being made to day but tbh in my opinion some authors do it wrong… i love when being queer is a major part of a characters personality because well they’re proud! but it’s when an author makes the entire character based off of that with no other personality traits. sexualizing queer relationships too like…. yikes! would love to see some more aroace and genderqueer rep that isn’t just boy/nb/girl tho!

when endings are rushed! it’s terrible i remember i loved this one book when i was younger that had the og “i’m nothing like y’all” as the cover haha. i forget what it was called sorry! but there was a great story and then it ended with her friends saying “sorry for excluding you and they went on to win the state math fair!” what. YOU JUST HAD A FULLY FLESHED OUT STORY AND YOU DID THAT??? i’m sure nobody likes them but they especially piss me off. skipping over important scenes as well and just showing the aftermath! non floppy books. FIX ITTTTT. also tbh smut? i mean i don’t mind it but that’s what ao3 is for i’m fine with the smut where they don’t show it like in charlie and nicks first time in heartstopper where it’s just kinda vague but as soon as i see a dick beint described im OUT. and books that just are smut like dude there’s so many better things you could be writing about!

ngl i am a massive book purchaser. i used to get them all from the library but thennn i got a bookshelf and discovered what annotating is… i just love being able to go back on what i’ve read whenever i want! and the covers are pretty :)

no actually! i don’t think i ever have tbh? i think the only time that happened was when i translated an official nico di angelo short story from italian haha

thank you if you listened to my yap! also i’m so sorry i didn’t see this :( also if i already responded to this and i forgot you can just kill me please and thank you. also have a good day too so sorry i didn’t see this! :(

[eviligo]

https://www.tumblr.com/eviligo/760761024272105472/have-you-ever-considered-taking-testosterone

i’m ngl this is also what i thought until i started taking low dose T earlier this year. i never really had any identifiable physical things i couldn’t appreciate at least sometimes it was just viscerally uncomfortable to be perceived by others and think about how they saw me (in terms of gender). when i tried to picture my ideal future self (physically or personality wise) there was just a blank space because i couldn’t conceive of continuing to live like i had been. it was just kind of a …. banal dissociative torture that i was used to. i’ve been on like the lowest dose possible for 6 months and there haven’t even been that many physical changes but i already feel like i have a future in this body, something ive been missing for my entire life. i’m really really sorry if this is like weird or pushy or tmi, but ive been following you for a while and i feel like there are a lot of things you talk about that remind me of myself and others i know pre realization. one of the big things that cracked my egg was a friend sitting me down and being like “you talk about fucking these gay boys so much you know you can ….. be the gay boy right. it kind of seems like you want to be the gay boy” and i was like woah …. yeah i kind of want to be the gay boy. again im so so so sorry if this comes across poorly and this may just be me projecting parasocially onto my idea of you and things might be kind of hectic in your life rn and a lot of people aren’t able to do basic healthcare much less hrt but. you can be the gay boy. if you really want to. i believe in you. and also you have a future and i believe in you regardless. ok sorry tumblr user eviligo i just appreciate your presence on this site and wanted to reach out and say my transgender gospel.

ok sorry for taking SO long to get to this i wanted to give you a proper response to such a thoughtful message!!

you’re not being pushy at all :) i definitely resonate with a lot of feelings you had prior to going on t, especially the thing about picturing your ideal self and seeing a blank space although for me it’s kind of like… a blurry vague silhouette. i will say that growing up in bandom i often went between “do i want to fuck this band guy, or do i want to look like him” which is probably the closest to dysmorphia i’ve ever felt, at least in the sense that i could identify and put words to it. it took me a really long time to become comfortable with my femininity because i was definitely a “tomboy” and a lot of my interests were male-dominated. then when i got older i had the revelation that femininity =/= womanhood and i don’t need to be traditionally feminine to be a woman which like, duh, but it was still really freeing! and then i got even older and started seeing all these amazing ways people express themselves and i’m like. aaahhh i wish i had the confidence and the body and the money to do that. and “you can be the gay boy” definitely strikes a chord too in a way i’ve never really thought about honestly.

all of this is to say that as i am right now i have no intention of going on t but i do have a lot to think about! and i have time to think about it, which i need to remember. it’s not out of the realm of possibility. and you are so so so sweet and kind and thank you for that last part oh my god ;_; i’m just a bizarre woman (woman adjacent?) making my way in the world i don’t deserve such nice thingsssss

[xplrvibes]

part two. Ive decided to make comments as i watch big bulks so i don’t forget what i’m thinking.

1. the more sam and colby talk abt cody and satori… the more i believe them. like maybe im just a chameleon to opinion but they genuinely seem to believe in c&s and i wasn’t there, i haven’t experienced any of this so i think i’m back to ‘hey maybe it wasn’t all bs and this might be real’. I also firmly do not believe cody was cracking joints bc how? they felt it in the floor, heard it in the walls.. doesn’t make sense. also if the house ever goes up again they need to put an offer down. i get what sam was saying and it not being practical (properly value 300k but asking for 1.4m? that’s steep). it’d be a great investment tho.

2. with sam and colbys luck, one of them would get the most undeniable evidence of the paranormal (someone levitating, thrown a distance, possessed…) and people would still be like ‘fake!’ Lol Also gram (?) just mentioned a similar experiment to what we were discussing the other day! except he said take random people and not tell them which is haunted, we were saying put snc in a place and not tell them its haunted and then see what happens. they liked that idea so who knows… they might lol

3. i will always be so fascinated and proud of colby for how he handled and continues to be so transparent about his cancer journey. i say journey bc it will continue to be apart of his life for years to come, whether through medical appointments, anniversary anxieties, or just talking about it. mad props to him, mad props.

4. i just got a series of flashes in my mind of black and white photos of snc respectively announcing engagements to their partners and births of their children and it made me smile. one day, boys. one day that’ll be your future, your “purpose”.

done.

- aussie anon

always nice to listen to podcasts where everyone knows each other well, its less interviewy and more just a convo with friends caught on camera.

Also I hope their merch is still in stores next time i’m in the usa bc i would definitely grab a hoodie. just don’t wanna pay the insane conversion rate and shipping costs. i priced it, a hoodie + shipping works out to be $149aud. sorry boys… can’t do it 😂

1, I believe that they believe in Cody and Satori. I've never called snc's credibility into question with that whole mess, and it kind of annoys me that others do - not cause I think they are above reproach or something, but because people love to say "oh snc never bothered to even try to debunk these guys, so they must be in on it." Like, WHAT? They literally flew back across the country weeks later to try and debunk it cause they knew full well that there were a lot of ways out and around this. When the controversy started, they reached out to C&S and asked if they could run more tests and C&S said no. SNC, having done all of that, came out still believing them while also fully acknowledging that they could be faking - not much else they can do besides that right there, so why they are still coming under fire about it when C&S are the "frauds" is beyond me.

Literally, do y'all want them to kidnap these two people, tie them up, remove their shoes, and force them to do this barefoot? Do you want them to release this additional footage they have that C&S did not give them permission to release that they could probably get sued over (since releasing it would be done without consent) and possibly blacklisted from the entire paranormal community, just so reddit can have their fucking jollies? Like...?? Go after C&S and let snc continue to have their beliefs on the whole thing, since they did everything they felt they could to disprove this before making their decision on where they stood on the issue.

Sorry for the rant, that whole situation just annoys me.

As far as them almost buying the house - that made me laugh, cause we joked about the possibility of them doing that on here back when the house went up for sale. So knowing it almost happened is not only funny, but also explains some vague shit they said back in the day about possibly owning a haunted house lol.

2, You know, Sam's exuberant insistence that he wants to have some horrible thing happen to him so that he could have the experience and finally know for 100% that the paranormal is real is exactly the problem with Sam, and I've been calling that out for years. The fact that he can so casually say it out loud made me both feel vindicated and perturbed by him and his hubris (here's a good example of his hubris again lol).

But yea, I hope they take the idea and run with it!

3, I thought it was interesting to hear him be honest about the fact that this whole situation with the cancer is hitting him harder now than it did while he was in the thick of it. That is trauma. That is shock and adrenaline wearing off, and hindsight creeping in. I think it's important to be able to come out and say, "Yea, not all of this is a positive, and some of this will stick with you for years." Colby tries his damndest (to a fault sometimes) to always come across as a glass all the way full and overflowing kind of guy, or a stoic soldier who doesn't complain and keeps his head up, but then he's also very open about his emotional state, and vaguely alludes to his deep mental health struggles from time to time and I just think there's a well of really dark emotion buried deep, deep inside of him that would be healthier for him and everyone to let out every once in a while.

Anyway, that was a side tangent to the main point, which is that it is very impressive that he continues to put himself out there and speak so candidly about such a stigmatized topic.

Although, I don't think he grasps what the word "celibate" means, but he tried and that's what counts lol

4, I think it's high comedy that these two act like they've never given thought to their kids growing up together when they literally were just joking about this on xplrclub a few months ago. These two have brains like sieves lol.

Also, the looks on their faces when the host said "you should have girlfriends that are friends with each other" like yea, they are working on that right now, as a matter of fact.

And I think they'll be in Zumiez for a long time, so you should be good!!

[rianafying]

i’m starving and i’m hungover and i’m in trouble. my sd card got corrupted and i might lose all the work i’ve done in january, which is a LOT of work. i just need to talk to my friends. the timing is bad because they’re either at work or asleep rn. i’m about to throw up.

it’s fine i reached them, after they woke up. spoke to friends, i feel better emotionally. but worse physically because it’s been so long since i’ve had some food. any food. there’s so much shit i need to buy but no money to buy them. i’m scared that one of these days i’ll have to resort to ebegging. i don’t want to do that. because im not even doing that bad but i feel terrible. and im prone to heavily catastrophizing every situation im faced with. somehow i have linked this sd card failure to the downfall of my career that i have worked so hard to build. if you dont have catastrophizing anxiety, you dont know what it feels like to imagine every single worst possible outcome and believe it to be true. but somehow throughout my life, it has been. what i feared kept coming true. but fearing it and being paralysed by it, didn’t help my case. apparently it’s in my brain chemistry to do this and also to have chronic pain. apparently there’s something wrong in my hypothalamus, pituitary gland, amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. they’re are all fucked up and feel wayyy more pain than is ever necessitated. i feel like im spiralling out of control at a faster rate than i can reel it back in. for most of my life ive been getting wounded more than i could heal. and now im limping my way through life, and hating almost every second of it despite trying so hard not to.

i had a full breakdown today, worse than other breakdowns. i feel super defeated. people are being nice to me. somehow that is making me feel even worse. things keep going wrong. there is no escaping tragedy.

day 3 of this same journal entry. i’m officially out of money. even my coins. i have a little bit of usd in my absolute emergency fund, but i really don’t want to have to touch that. i have a week to go before i get paid a bit of money. which will still not be enough because i had to use afterpay to buy some necessary stuff at kmart, and now i have to pay it back. things rlly are tough out here. thinking i should not fix my laptop and instead spend that money like normal. like use it to get by nicely for a while. then what? at what point will i be able to get a real regular job? i found out for sure this month that i can’t make it to work on 25% of days due to my illness. so what work could i do. rlly upset about losing the images on my sd card. i haven’t permanently lost them yet, but, it’s far too expensive to recover. i was considering recovering the data when im in bangladesh but i dont think id trust the data recovery service in dhaka anyway. they’ll probably fail at the task and also ruin my card. things are so wrong rn. my microwave, my pan, my passport, my myki, my financial situation, the burnt skin on my face, my psoriasis and arthritis, my hair situation, my multiple severe nutritional deficiencies and chronic pain, my various mental illnesses, my awful dirty room, my inability to work on any, let alone every, one of these problems. i just get paralysed and bed rot for days. this is officially too much for me. it’s too many things to deal with. i’m not built for even half of this. how can i give up without like kms, like what’s another way to give up? because bed rotting isn’t cutting it. i could really use some help. when i asked for help, my uncle said to visit my friend in sydney, or to visit bangladesh, neither of which is going to actually help my situation, because ill be miserable regardless of where i am, until my problems have been resolved. and both of these things are expensive as fuck, like, what’s a girl supposed to do. i don’t wanna go on a $200 trip to sydney when my sd card requires a $400 data recovery. that’s just the tip of the iceberg that is my situation.

no amount of talking to people, or going on trips is going to solve my problems. which is painful for me to say because i’ve been dying to do something fun for once. not that i don’t have fun in melbourne i do, but that’s cause i try to enjoy work, and romanticise the life i already have. and because im not yet a local local, i can still experience melbourne like a tourist. with fresh eyes. anyway, yeah, im deleting bumble because its stupid, let’s be real im never gonna go on a date w a strangers plus i dont even respond to people because im obviously not ready to actually give this a chance. not yet at least. costar says i let my need for stability stunt relationship growth. but i’m okay with that, or at least i would be if i had any stability. right now i feel like i have the short end of every stick. no it feels like i have no stick at all. the universe or god or whatever is out there is giving me a huge middle finger and laughing at my suffering.

they say that i’m overthinking or that even if there is a problem there’s a solution. what’s the solution to not having enough money to solve my problems? by the time i might have money, these problems will have caused critical damage. what’s the solution to the weight i carry around from never feeling safe or loved my whole entire life. what’s the solution to the mother shaped void in my heart. what’s the solution to the fear of losing my sibling and friends. i cope, and i deal, but it never really goes away. even now as i’ve hit my weekly rock bottom, i’m trying to list things to be grateful for, to see the glass as half full. but i can’t lie, the glass is not half full. i’ve been running on a nearly empty tank for as long as i can remember. even if i somehow manage to get my tank full, there’s like holes in it that can never be permanently patched. i destroy everything i touch, i let down everyone i know, and i keep getting chances. i don’t need another chance. i need a break. i don’t want to prove myself, unless it is to prove that i fail.

i’m told that the broader focus of my life during this time is to clear away built-up structures that have been holding me back. excess is not always abundance. i’m supposed to decide what's worth keeping and what to pass up. apparently my sense of well-being relies on my willingness to seize new opportunities, which is a commendable move for someone who will only settle for all or nothing. “use this moment to streamline your aesthetic by getting rid of excess that no longer gives you pleasure.” this could not be more on the nose. fine i’ll pack some stuff up and head drop it in a donation bin. it will clear up some space in my room too. this might be good. give me some literal and also mental space to work with. also on the nose is “make sure you're not doing that thing where you over-intellectualize your experience, and then convince yourself that you know all the laws of the universe.” okay i get it. thank you for spelling it out for me. maybe now i will finally listen. i’m certainly being spied on. most of life is out of my control but i choose joy.

i couldn’t attend the invasion day protest today because i was on the phone talking a loved one out of killing herself. i shouldn’t feel guilty, it’s not like i had a choice in that scenario. i’m told that in most scenarios, there is no such thing as “fault”. if my goal was to shift blame, i could use all the words in the world to make myself innocent, but that’s not what i want, that’s not what i’m familiar with.

i think that maybe i would like to have a fresh start. i dont know what a fresh start would even look like. to go back in time a couple of years? how many years? at what point was it fresh? go back to when i was born? be born to different people? be a different person? a fresh start to me would be one in which so much is different from how my life is right now, that i don’t know how it would even be mine. this is who i am, all the terrible things that make up, well, me. and a fresh start wouldn’t be me, or it wouldn’t be fresh. i’m stale and im crusty, to the core of my being.

maybe i just need to go on a walk.

[myrabbitistrying2killme]

About this blog ig idk man I just work here

Mostly a tma /fandom blog (changes depending on current hyperfixation

I WILL go on monologues and I am SORT OF SORRY!! Hyper verbal as fuck I can’t stop it man. this site is meant for blogging and god help me I will use it as a rant journal until the Sun burns out!! i am annoying :| I don’t try to be but still, I am!!! My original about me was very apologetic and like “I’ll try to keep to one topic” but I’ve decided that’s LAME and i CANT SHUT UP so u get this instead (I am so apologetic and sorry this is my only outlet I have no friends(/hj) lmfao) !!. I know wayy too much about nothing that’s important and I will tell the 0-1 to maybe two persons liking my posts about it in vivid detail. That post belongs to them now. i have adhd (if u couldn’t tell) and like. A variety of other bullshit that I will occasionally label as -thing it is most likely to be- but in reality I have no clue. If I go on mha monologues it’s probably because my best friend hasn’t texted me back in an hour. literally any pronouns as long as they aren’t just he him. I think I’d prefer no he/him but honestly do whatever the fuck you want how you refer to me ain’t my business it’s your problem.

Sometimes I post art

This is rambling bc it’s a warning. All my posts will look like this. I have a probably ocd and adhd mix inspired urge to make myself as clear as possible and make that everyone else’s problem. (It’s compulsive) (im working on it)

My main and side blogs r the same bc I made a mistake and I am a mistake. I haven’t invented a carefully curated (/hj) online persona for this site yet so I straight up don’t have a name idk mate.

Probably gonna tag my thus not fully created tma au with #Rs! Au and idk what my art tag is yet but I need to make one bc I love sorting things.

I also love writing details. Which is the other part of why this post exists in spite of no one reading it :3

Accidental side blog is @myrabbitistryingtokillme

[cbram-ana]

RECOVERY.

(tw- now/then pictures)

i have been working very hard to recover these past few months and it’s actually going well. u don’t have to read this but i want to share what i did that helped me and also answer questions.

first i started going to soulcycle.

i initially was planning on continuing to starve myself and also burn 700-800 calories at a blacked out room with blasting music on a bike not going anywhere, however the community around fitness where i live has (unknowingly) played the biggest part in my recovery.

the riders: all body shapes and sizes in sports bras and biker shorts is actually really therapeutic for a lot of reasons; u can’t isolate urself at soulcycle like u can at school, it’s a social place. these gorgeous women are also cheering you on while you work out. if you get close enough to them they might even invite you out to burritos or sweetgreen after class. eating with healthy women that you just sweat ur ass off with is LIBERATING AS FUCK.

the instructors: i don’t know where to begin. these people who work out for A LIVING are muscular, healthy, and happy. one of the female instructors at my studio has the same body type as me and it makes me so confident to watch her run a class. they also just have your back always. the instructors are always cheering you on, making you feel worth it, and making you feel valuable. actually, one of my fav instructors at the studio introduced me to this other rider a few weeks ago, who turns out to be a instructor at a place called solidcore. so now i also attend classes at her gym. the community just builds on top of itself.

OVERALL, knowing that i can workout better, feel better, and get better by eating protein, makes it really easy to not keep track of calories but protein intake.

EVERYONE KNOWS PROTEIN IS GOOD FOR YOU! so instead of trying to keep calories low focus on the amount of protein, and try to get the number as high as possible every day. protein makes your performance better every day and therefore is helping you workout to the fullest potential.

second, i have barely weighed myself- which was one of my biggest issues

i took pictures of my scale around 3x per day. at my lowest i was 87lbs. however, i went to get a checkup and realized when i went in, i had no idea how much i weighed because i haven’t felt the need to weigh myself in so long.

but here’s the best part. i’m literally 93 pounds. (i’m only 5ft tall.) however, at my worst i was 120, and because i know i’m healthy now (i’m working out 4-6x per week and not restricting food but staying away from unhealthy ones) i know that 93lbs is just a natural state for my body. keeping with the routine i have assures the fact i’ll stay right where i am, and i’m happy.

third, i stopped taking adderall. (lol)

LMFAO seems stupid, but i’d rather struggle in school then die so….

anyways here’s some photos at my lowest vs now.

this is a very big deal to me because i know the group of people i’m about to post this to and i know which one you’ll probably find more appealing- however, i’m so happy with myself that i can see past that.

I WISH ALL THE BEST FOR YOU. REACH OUT IF U NEED HELP. IM HERE.

before rec

now (during rec)

[rukistarz]

✩ STAR DIARY - entry four - 20.2.23 ✩

6:19 pm

im on day 9 of my liquid fast and the cravings are getting like…really bad. im not planning to give in, obviously, but i can’t help but feel like shit for wanting to eat already when i’ve barely made a dent in my fast, you know ? it makes me feel less than, and pathetic. but im so determined to prove myself wrong and show myself that i can continue on, ignore these stupid cravings and complete my fast like i planned. im tired of being a failure. i will reach my ugw, and i will be successful and happy.

im currently at my lowest weight (124.4), which is great, and it keeps dropping, but i still feel really really fat. like, i can physically feel all of the excess fat on my body and it makes me feel horrible. the thing is tho, it’s not just a feeling, it’s actually there. like, my love handles are still there and they obscure my body in a disgusting way way. my thighs are unbelievably huge, as well as my arms.

it’s ironic because when i was like, twenty pounds heavier, i thought i’d be so skinny at this weight. but im not. i feel like i will finally feel okay, and not so fat when i get to 110 and lower, because i haven’t seen anyone my height being fat at that size. though, the possibility is still there, if feeling fat and gross, you know ? idk

anyway, im going out with my best friend tomorrow, and im really excited for multiple reasons. we haven’t seen each other in over a month, so im looking forward to meeting again. my birthday was on the 1st feb, her’s is on the 29th, so we always meet up during the middle to have a joint b-day celebration, and we’ll be exchanging gifts too. im excited for her to see what i got her, because i really went all out, and im excited to see what she got me. i feel like she probably got me an album or something, which would be cool because i got her two, so we can unbox them together. i also got her other bits and bobs, and a really funny birthday card that i think she’ll thoroughly enjoy.

though, im not planning on eating anything tomorrow, obviously. and the worst thing is, that she knows about my ed, so she’ll probably know that things are bad. she won’t pry or anything, but i know that she’ll figure it out. i feel bad, because i usually omad when we go out, but i cant this time. im also really scared that i might trigger her one day in some way, because she also struggles with body image, too. like, i don’t vent about my ed to anyone, especially in depth, but she knows about it already, and she’ll see my weight-loss and me turning down food, you know ? i just don’t want her to experience anything like this ever.

we’re going to a cat cafe, and i think i might just order a hot chocolate and drink that and when we go out to get food, i’ll say it made me nauseous and i cant eat, or something. i could also say that im on my period, which makes the sickly feeling even worse, and much more believable. granted, im not sure if we’ll go get food after, anyway, because she said she’ll probably get a pastry there, and idk if she’ll feel hungry after that. but it’s whatever, i have my plan in mind. im also glad because we’ll be doing a bunch of window shopping and walking a lot, and i wanna burn a lot of cals from the hot chocolate, you know ?

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

11:22 pm

my mind won’t stop thinking about something my sister said to me a few weeks back.

i was weighing myself and she walked in on me and decided to weigh in too, i was about 128 at that time, and she weighed in at about 180.

she said she wished that she was my size instead, but then went on to say that we’re not that far apart in weight.

which is true, however…that shit literally triggered me so bad.

like, does she think we look the same or something ?

like, no shade to her, i love her and all…it’s just, it fucked with me and it won’t leave my head.

honestly though, it’s crazy motivation because, she wants to lose weight, but refuses to change her eating habits. she always hounds me and my other sister (who has been going to the gym and eating healthily) for trying to lose weight (my family think im on a diet) and how it makes her feel insecure since we’re already skinny in her eyes.

i cant wait to see her again once im at my ugw and for her jaw to drop lmao, her as well as my other sister who’s trying to lose weight too, i want to surpass her and lose weight faster. i also want to be the skinniest in the family too, so this 100 day fast kinda like killing three birds with one stone.

✩ blessing you with a starry night, ruki ✩

[kithtaehyung]

OMGGGGGG RYENNNNN I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️you write beautifully, majestically, elegantly, romantically, heartbreaking, exciting and if I could just find the right word to compliment you, I would🥹 you’re really everything #mytwin

I literally read the chapter as soon as I got off work that night it came out and then reread it again right after so I could find quotes and give you the review of a lifetimeeee. I also reread twice today leading up to me sending my review. Oh how I love 3tan and you sm ❤️‍🔥

BUT ANYWAYSSYSYS?!?!?!?! The jk reveal that they had something going on, but he still feels sm love for her even after breaking her heart (I wonder if it was him trying to let her go when she was leaving and the whole situation got misunderstood) but I really thought this revelation in the chapter would predict all the future angst of 3tan9 and then no happiness between yoongi and oc, but ofc I’m WRONG?!?!! (Happily) I really wonder how everyone will take the news of them messing with each other now

ALSO JIN AS BROTHER?!?!?!?!?!?!? I actually thought it was joon, but joon and hobi being yoongi’s studio mates actually makes sm sense and Jin is obviously the dream big brother. I remember oc said something about how they (jin) went through a lot w their parents and I wonder if that bonded them more to want to live together as adults.

I ALSO HAVE QUOTES FROM EVERYTIME I HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN READING (some might not be in order as I literally re read 18 times:

“You don’t see what he does when silent, but you feel his jewelry slide against your ass when he leans forward to kiss the sore spot. “Careful, love,” he wisps into your skin. “ PLS IM ACTUALLY BITING MY PILLOW WHEN I REREAD THIS FOR THE 34TH TIME OMGMFIVAIXIA

“Something solid pushes into your nose before he stops, tearing his glasses off to kiss you straight into another plane of existence.” I NEVER WATCHED BUSINESS PROPOSAL BUT THIS DEF REMINDED ME OF THAT KISS SCENE THAT BLEW UP😭😭💔

“As you pull him in impossibly close, a thought pierces through you like lightning. That maybe—just maybe—he speaks through actions, because his mind already says too much.” There’s not much to say but🥹🥹🥹

“And you only feel the softest press of lips on your own. … Time bends when you’re pulled into the most tender kiss he’s ever given, and everything around you melts away. The song fades to background noise, but it’s still wonderful, hearing his distinct voice on recording while feeling his lips in person.” - I might actually cry. The tender kisses throughout the story have made me melt in ways I didn’t know was possible. I was already down for this couple BUT NOWWWW??? Yeah scoot over, I’m joining🙄🙄

“When he buries his head in your neck, he breathes you in…“I know I haven’t said my piece…But I’m really fucking into you, doll.” yooooooonnnnnnn😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

on a serious note, I am actually married to yoongi and the way you’ve managed to put our real life marriage into exact words is frightening???🤯🤯

OMGGGG THE SCENE WHERE THEYRE IN BED HOLDING EACH OTHER AND SHE TELLS HIM THAT HES ALL SHE NEEDS AS SHES CRYING, BUT WHEN HE LIFTS HIMSELF UP, HE WAS ACTUALLY THE ONE CRYING🥲

“As soon as you loosen your hold, he pushes upward, and you realize with a visceral burn that those tears you felt weren’t yours…Raw at their edges, just as welled, his eyes hold the heavens inside as he continues to regard you like you’ll still run.”🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲😋

“And as a man that speaks through actions, Yoongi responds with a kiss reminiscent of moonlight.” This actually became my favorite quote ever. 🥲

“And why wouldn’t he? Jungkook probably talked about that damn ring he has on his chain—the same one you still have in your bottom drawer.” UMMM??? I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE THAT SERIOUS??? HES STILL WEARING IT.

Lowkey nervous because JK never shows to back down from a fight and I feel like he’s gonna be here for a while trying to win oc back… or maybe not🧐 I will be back with later thoughts on what I think.

But alas… the quote that ruined me fully:

“Where’s my hi?”

HWCHWUVIEOCOSICJWJXJAICRKFOFOFSPZ IDK WHY BUT HIM SAYING THAT KNOWING HOW FLUSTERED SHE GETS OMGKGG. there will be a 1200 word analysis on these 3 words in ur inbox later… WHAT WAS THE REASON????

Also one quick question… will the future drabbles continue with them in their entanglement or will it be w their new sneaky, but confirmed relationship??

This was so long I’m sorry😭😭😭😭 but this was so good and fulfilling (as always) I can’t wait to read more of what you put out for us, you’ll have my support forever🥲🫶

-🍒

AHHHHH CHERRYYYY this is so fckinsfnfjfdnj amazing?? i have many many words under the cut because i am floored by everything in this review😭

OMGGGGGG RYENNNNN I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️you write beautifully, majestically, elegantly, romantically, heartbreaking, exciting and if I could just find the right word to compliment you, I would🥹 you’re really everything #mytwin

thank you, baby! you used a bunch of words that have me blushing fr fr. thank you so much for all of these kind descriptions, wow..

I literally read the chapter as soon as I got off work that night it came out and then reread it again right after so I could find quotes and give you the review of a lifetimeeee. I also reread twice today leading up to me sending my review. Oh how I love 3tan and you sm ❤️‍🔥

WAIT you reread it? twice?? that is a lot of words to go over holy heck.. but this review is certainly something and i am lucky af to have you reading along. wow.

BUT ANYWAYSSYSYS?!?!?!?! The jk reveal that they had something going on, but he still feels sm love for her even after breaking her heart (I wonder if it was him trying to let her go when she was leaving and the whole situation got misunderstood) but I really thought this revelation in the chapter would predict all the future angst of 3tan9 and then no happiness between yoongi and oc, but ofc I’m WRONG?!?!! (Happily) I really wonder how everyone will take the news of them messing with each other now

YEAHHH THE JK REVEAL!! it's a lot deeper than people ever imagined and that's what makes it heartbreaking.. and yoongi bowing out when he believes this is the better option?? it hurts. it hurts it hurts but then we get their actual exercise of communication. happy they decided to work things out after reader calls out yoongi so blatantly!

ALSO JIN AS BROTHER?!?!?!?!?!?!? I actually thought it was joon, but joon and hobi being yoongi’s studio mates actually makes sm sense and Jin is obviously the dream big brother. I remember oc said something about how they (jin) went through a lot w their parents and I wonder if that bonded them more to want to live together as adults.

AHHHH it's not jin! it's none of the members ahaha. but them all in the studio hell yeah.. those scenes were super fun to work on. they did have some stuff with the family so maybe we'll hear more about that later.

I ALSO HAVE QUOTES FROM EVERYTIME I HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN READING (some might not be in order as I literally re read 18 times:

“You don’t see what he does when silent, but you feel his jewelry slide against your ass when he leans forward to kiss the sore spot. “Careful, love,” he wisps into your skin. “ PLS IM ACTUALLY BITING MY PILLOW WHEN I REREAD THIS FOR THE 34TH TIME OMGMFIVAIXIA

GOODBYEEEE NOT THE FIRST QUOTE BEING THE CHAINS ON READERS ASSSSSSSS I LOVE YOU HAHAHAH

“Something solid pushes into your nose before he stops, tearing his glasses off to kiss you straight into another plane of existence.” I NEVER WATCHED BUSINESS PROPOSAL BUT THIS DEF REMINDED ME OF THAT KISS SCENE THAT BLEW UP😭😭💔

LMFAOOO so what's even worse here is that.. i've seen the scene you're talking about. but yoongi takes off his glasses much faster than what happens in that kiss. he practically rips them off and throws them on his counter i'm swooning FUUUUC

“As you pull him in impossibly close, a thought pierces through you like lightning. That maybe—just maybe—he speaks through actions, because his mind already says too much.” There’s not much to say but🥹🥹🥹

awhhhhhh this line, too :'))) it's so heartwarming to see that reader really is starting to read yoongi well. i just think that part of her character dev is dope as fck.

“And you only feel the softest press of lips on your own. … Time bends when you’re pulled into the most tender kiss he’s ever given, and everything around you melts away. The song fades to background noise, but it’s still wonderful, hearing his distinct voice on recording while feeling his lips in person.” - I might actually cry. The tender kisses throughout the story have made me melt in ways I didn’t know was possible. I was already down for this couple BUT NOWWWW??? Yeah scoot over, I’m joining🙄🙄

dear goddddd i warned y'all that kissing was a warning for a reason this time! i haven't counted how many kisses are in this one but i'm fairly damn certain it's more than what's in all the other chapters. and hahahah join the line get in wait ur turn i wanna be with them too LOLOL

“When he buries his head in your neck, he breathes you in…“I know I haven’t said my piece…But I’m really fucking into you, doll.” yooooooonnnnnnn😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

HELP MEEEEEEE THIS DAMN LINE

on a serious note, I am actually married to yoongi and the way you’ve managed to put our real life marriage into exact words is frightening???🤯🤯

BABY PLEASE LMFAO don't tell yoongi i'm writing y'all fr ok i don't want him to perceive me like this ufhsfhsfh

OMGGGG THE SCENE WHERE THEYRE IN BED HOLDING EACH OTHER AND SHE TELLS HIM THAT HES ALL SHE NEEDS AS SHES CRYING, BUT WHEN HE LIFTS HIMSELF UP, HE WAS ACTUALLY THE ONE CRYING🥲 “As soon as you loosen your hold, he pushes upward, and you realize with a visceral burn that those tears you felt weren’t yours…Raw at their edges, just as welled, his eyes hold the heavens inside as he continues to regard you like you’ll still run.”🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲😋

OH MY GOD YEAH.. when yoongi props himself up and we can see his tears? nah. i was done at that point. absolutely fcking gone and there was no going back i actually cried there, too.

“And as a man that speaks through actions, Yoongi responds with a kiss reminiscent of moonlight.” This actually became my favorite quote ever. 🥲

oh stop. STOP ITTT i can't do this is it really oh lord i'm gonna actually hide now. honored!!

“And why wouldn’t he? Jungkook probably talked about that damn ring he has on his chain—the same one you still have in your bottom drawer.” UMMM??? I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE THAT SERIOUS??? HES STILL WEARING IT.

Lowkey nervous because JK never shows to back down from a fight and I feel like he’s gonna be here for a while trying to win oc back… or maybe not🧐 I will be back with later thoughts on what I think.

DFSDFFJDF NOT ONLY IS THERE A REVEAL BUT THERE ARE LAYERS TO IT. there are certainly more things that need to be uncovered here but it's like. yeah. it seems - as of now and from what we can see - that they were pretty fcking serious.

and i totally get the nervousness surrounding jk! he's super competitive and he's clearly determined and stubborn if he's this successful right now. we shall see! happy to hear any thoughts or theories you end up having :D

But alas… the quote that ruined me fully: “Where’s my hi?”

HWCHWUVIEOCOSICJWJXJAICRKFOFOFSPZ IDK WHY BUT HIM SAYING THAT KNOWING HOW FLUSTERED SHE GETS OMGKGG. there will be a 1200 word analysis on these 3 words in ur inbox later… WHAT WAS THE REASON????

HAHAHAHAHH HE WANTS TO FIGHT. I JUST KNOW IT. MEET ME IN THE BACK OF A WENDYS SIR. down to hear the word analysis and screaming on this later i will not be mad at all LMAO

Also one quick question… will the future drabbles continue with them in their entanglement or will it be w their new sneaky, but confirmed relationship??

so.. this was the other surprise i was gonna wait to tell y'all. most of the drabbles are meant to be after this! (loosely-imagined, since the party is still happening) so you can read them as if they happen after 3tan9<3

This was so long I’m sorry😭😭😭😭 but this was so good and fulfilling (as always) I can’t wait to read more of what you put out for us, you’ll have my support forever🥲🫶

you are so damn kind, cherry! it was a pleasure to read as always and i treasure every word. you had so many good quotes and commentary!! super glad you decided to make it this way, no worries at all :D

[m1ckeyb3rry]

That answers my question I just completely forgot to send it in omfg I CANNOT let myself get distracted while replying anymore I literally like almost deleted this note thinking I already sent it in goodbye.

But anyways….……

LMFAOOO THANK YOU I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT!!! You’ll be the first to know if I ever actually start using it HAHA honestly you’d probably end up answering some boomer like tumblr questions of mine bc I’m ngl why’s there sm on this platform HAHA now that I think about it though I straight up just don’t post anywhere maybe I should start changing that…..

NO SO TRUE because I just KNOW they’re picking the juiciest stories like I’m not scrolling through that subreddit myself HAHA

Just doing my part for the Karasu community!!! Gotta kick start it somewhere yk hopefully I’m inspiring people to talk and request Karasu more often!!!! LMAO wait that’s actually kinda crazy though HAHAHA I guess the Hiori requester sniffed out your secret side character vibes before I did smh….lowk that is interesting though?? Ok my thought process was definitely 1) ok she knows Kaiser so she’s def read the manga 2) she has no character limits so I’m just gonna shoot my shot (it worked out in the best possible way omg) I’ve def seen blogs that only write for the main characters ****itoshis but a good amount of them do out only a specific handful of characters in their request rules….wait actually pause I think the main tipping point for me is actually when I ended up reading cherry tree and was like no fucking way Karasu mention??? Time to test the waters because I kid you not I loved the way you did cherry tree but I was also so fucking hooked on the Karasu cameo I was like oh em gee….karasu mention and HE TALKS?? Guys….so yeah!! Actually that also jogs my memory and clears up my own thoughts of how I first found you (again…??) my memory’s kinda bad if you couldn’t tell HAHAHA

Ok……Mira really trying to solidify the shower evidence…sus…/j

THATS WHAT IM SAYING HAHAHAAH ok but like I was a little surprised that they were the color scene I thought it would’ve been some Kaiser Isagi Rin looking thing with maybe mini side characters in the bg kinda like your current header! Stop did we just manifest ego glow up too??

That’s funny because I also haven’t watched but ik what you’re talking about because I remember seeing people freak out over it LMAOOO BUT FR omg shin ah so gorgeous??? Also omfg you’re so right??? The side by side of Hak and hair down zantetsu….the resemblance is uncanny….but FR S2 being my real male leads into the spotlight please….

Tbh I don’t have high hopes for the fandom but we’ll know in our hearts that Karasu is just a closeted sweetheart loser!!! Ok the Nagi cheater allegations and red flags are actually INSANE like how tf??????????? I seriously have no idea what people are on do you think bro even has the energy to cheat……

LMAOO you’re giving them a reality check on everyone’s behalf we thank you for your service o7

Honestly pop off LMAOO like who’s gonna go challenge your parents sooo also wtf????!!!! BRO DID WHAT???!!!! wtf I literally have no words what the helllllllll glad you’re safe now but omg I hope you never have to experience something like that again….um wdym you have more stories like that??????????? Idk if you’ve ever seen those wild tiktok sponsored posts of like this weird pheromone attractive perfume I think you need creep repellent you’re rizz is too strong…..wtf…..also ENJOY SWITZERLAND!!!!!

But omg another storm shshshs stay safe??? Manifesting your electricity holds up from now on HAHA I’d imagine there aren’t storms in Switzerland rn so….

-Karasu anon

LMAOO no i always get so distracted that ‘save draft’ button is my savior when it comes to answering asks but ik you can’t really do that when sending them 😭 if i ever take more than like a day to respond without explanation feel free to send a check-in ask because that means i’m either being unprecedented levels of offline or i just didn’t get it/see it!!

tumblr takes soo long to get a hang of i will be happy to answer any boomer questions of yours as i probably had the same questions when i first began using the app!! i will always be here for the reveal if/when it comes

i guess the side character vibes i give off are too strong…also hiori made a cameo in cherry tree alongside otoya and karasu so they might’ve made a similar journey as you LMAOAO especially because they mentioned in the request that they had read and liked cherry tree!! that’s so funny that that fic (which i wrote for the most basic character ever) is what led to side character fans finding me!! omg no because tbh there was no reason for karasu to be the one talking in that scene but i was starving and desperate to write him and i thought he could pull it off and now i’m so glad i did that!! and yeah a lot of people tend to only write for a few characters which i think is fair because i 100% get being uncomfortable writing for characters you’re unfamiliar with 🧐 me personally though…if i’m in a fandom there’s not a character in it I WON’T write for!! if i’m too unfamiliar with them i’ll just do research until i feel decent abt it (that’s what i did for the hiori request hehe read and reread his ln + wiki until i was like “okay i think i can do this”)

I SHOWER I PROMISE I SHOWER (not clickbait!!)

maybe this means the NEL arc is ending soon?? like they’re putting all of the coaches in the color spread because we won’t see them again for a while…honestly i really liked this (much more exciting than the last epinagi one) and i’m happy it wasn’t the kaiser + isagi + rin combo again!! all of the coaches are really interesting to me as they all show diff pitfalls of professionals sports (chris + vanity, snuffy + depression/burnout, loki + selfishness, lavinho + immaturity iirc?? and noa + being boring af /j) honestly i could read a spinoff abt all of them too!! and omg ego glow up too…we sensed the vibes in the air and we knew egonation was about to RISE

SHINAH MY BELOVEDDD omg i actually once started a fic for him that was the precursor for hurricanes / hummingbirds in many ways and i still think abt it sometimes but like the fandom for yotd is so nonexistent that i never got the motivation to finish it!! but i think i answered an ask abt it as part of a tag game once here if you’re in the mood for some mira writing while waiting for bfb!! no but the resemblance between zantetsu and hak is uncanny omg team v trio is actually team shoujo trio all of them look like they deserve to be male leads…zantetsu in a historical fantasy shoujo, nagi in a high school slice of life but also mental health focused shoujo, and reo in a ceo romance shoujo SKDJFHS they’re all so bf i love them

we will always know the truth abt karasu and that’s what matters 😩 no because i need to know…do the nagi cheater/red flag (which are unrelated to his laziness) allegations stem from him “leaving” reo during second selection?? because if so that’s insane to me there’s such a difference between joining a different soccer team and cheating on your romantic partner 😭 in epinagi even reo himself acknowledges that he SHOULD be happy for nagi and nagi is so ‘no thoughts head empty’ about it LKDFJGNS bro fr was putting the pieces together like isagi…”play soccer with isagi -> get better at soccer -> win world cup with reo 😄” HOW IS THIS A RED FLAG???

LMAOOO it’s so bad i feel like looking back my time in high school just sounds unreal?? i sent a picture of my eye to another guy i was friends with (in the same friend group as the other two ironically) to show him my new mascara and no joke he responded with an entire verse comparing my eyes to “the heavens” 😭⁉️ and there was also a point in my senior year when i kinda liked a junior on the soccer team (so bfb reader of me but like. reversed.) but for some reason everyone shipped me with the captain of the soccer team?? like people would harass my FRIENDS asking if i liked him…meanwhile i liked mr junior varsity who didn’t even get playtime 😓 it was so bad too i went to a soccer game and everyone thought i was attending to watch the captain, INCLUDING THE GUY I WAS INTO 😐 i went up to congratulate him after the game and bro fr said “did you see the captain play he was amazing” i just left at that point because what can you even do…these are relatively tame in terms of mira lore sadly KJSHGHDFK this is why i have never had a boyfriend or first kiss or anything like that 💔 they’re all CRAZY 😱

SWITZERLAND SOON!! unfortunately my dreams of finishing bfb before my flight are definitely not coming true sooo ig i know what i’m doing for the entire plane ride!! hopefully the lack of distractions will help me finish it up and then i can just proofread in my downtime and hopefully post at some point soon…feel like i’ve been teasing you all for so long but i promise it will be long enough to make the wait worth it (i hope anyways)