#it's 3 AM and this is all i have to say for myself

[stargirlinterludefr]

1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK: Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Based off of the song 1 step forward, 3 steps back by Olivia Rodrigo

TW: Toxic relationship, emotional & verbal abuse, drug usage, references to sexual relations but no smut, addiction, heavy angst, small amount of fluff, guilt tripping for not having sex (I do NOT condone any of this, you should never be made to feel guilty if you don’t want to sleep with someone!), Rafe being an arsehole

Word count: around 3,500

‘Called you on the phone today

Just to ask you how you were

All I did was speak normally

Somehow I still struck a nerve

You’re laid down on your front, hand mindlessly plucking at your lilac coloured blanket as your other hand holds your phone close to your ear, waiting for your boyfriend to answer your call.

“Hello?” Rafe’s deep voice rings through the other end, cutting out the ringing sound that you’d been listening to whilst waiting on an answer.

You smile softly, “Hey baby, just thought I’d ring, not heard off of you in a few hours.” You say, still plucking mindlessly at your blanket as Rafe sniffles down the phone before he answering.

“Uh yeah, been busy with Barry sorry, what’ve you been up to?” He asks, and while deep down you know he’s distracted and probably doesn’t even care about what you’ve been doing as long as you’re not out flirting with other boys or…out doing anything at all.

“Barry? I didn’t realise you were hanging with him today, is he doing okay?” You ask sweetly, kind nature shining through despite how much you disliked Barry for continuing to get Rafe involved with dealings.

“Why you sound so mad about me hanging with Barry, huh?” Rafe snaps back and your heart plummets to your stomach as you pause your mindless ministrations on your blanket.

“Wha- I’m not mad, baby, I was just asking-“ You start but you don’t have the opportunity to finish as Rafe is quick to cut you off.

“Well fucking don’t! I don’t wanna deal with your bitchy attitude, it’s like you- you’re judging me or something so just cut it out a’ight? Get enough of that from my fucking dad, didn’t know my girl would be all up in my business to.” He says, voice agitated and slurred making it clear to you he’d been snorting up lines like there was no tomorrow.

You stay still in your place, eyes laced with tears that were on the verge of falling if you didn’t swallow the lump in your throat.

“What, you gone mute or something?” Rafe snaps and you jolt slightly, clearing your throat as you answer.

“M’ sorry.” You mutter, voice strained and quiet as though he’d zapped every inch of energy and happiness from you in a matter of seconds.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” He scoffs, the sound of beeping ringing through your speaker signifying that he’d ended the call and as you slowly lower your phone from your ear, silent tears stream down your face and instead of picking mindlessly at your blanket you bury your face into it.

You got me fucked up in the head, boy

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

Parties had become something you dreaded immensely.

Rafe would usually leave you as soon as you arrived, seeking out people to sell his stuff to and snorting so many lines of it that you’d be left to deal with either his raging temper or his raging boner.

Despite that fact, you made sure you looked your prettiest each time. At the start of your relationship, Rafe showered you in compliments each time you’d get all dressed up but now he’d simply complain about how long you took and then he’d go flirt with some other look or touron making you seriously question whether you were even pretty enough anymore.

And at this particular party? You felt the burning pit of insecurity like it was etched onto your skin.

You were sat beside Rafe, two other kook girls across from you who were alongside Kelce and Barry.

Rafe was pouring out some coke from a small baggie, organising it into lines as he glanced toward you briefly.

“You want some?” He asks, pupils blown as wide as spaceships.

“No, I’m okay.” You say immediately, you’d never wanted to indulge in things like cocaine as you’d drawn the line at weed and alcohol.

“Oh my god, you’re like no fun are you? Live a little, girl.” One of the kook girls hanging off Kelce’s arms says, making the surrounding people laugh in response as their eyes dart to you.

And the worst part? Rafe laughs along with them.

“Alright then.” You mutter quietly, making the same girl holler in excitement as Rafe smiles, gesturing to the lines of cocaine he’d organised.

“All yours, baby.”

And as you sniff up the line of coke, you wonder when you’d let Rafe have so much power over the way you perceived yourself.

‘Cause it's always one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

The next morning you woke up to a regretful Rafe, the boy showering you with a million apologies for essentially forcing you to do something you’d never been comfortable doing in the past.

You’d assured him it was okay but he still preached his guilt, continuing to spend the remainder of the day spoiling you with a shopping trip and ending it with a walk on the beach.

The day had you feeling hopeful, Rafe had promised earlier on that he’d atleast stop doing cocaine around you so you wouldn’t be forced to.

This was progress…wasn’t it?

The hope you felt quickly diminished when you caught sight of your old friends, JJ and John B.

And JJ would be damned if he didn’t say hello to you, while you never talked much to the Pogues anymore JJ’s loyalty was impossible to extinguish. If the Maybank boy cared about you, he wasn’t ever going to let those feelings diminish.

“Ain’t this a sight for sore eyes?” A voice calls from behind you, making yours and Rafe’s heads whip around as you come face to face with JJ who is lightly jogging toward you both. John B trailing slowly behind as he adjusts two surf boards under his arms.

“How you been, y/n/n?” He asks, head cocking to the side as his messy blonde hair moves softly with it.

You open your mouth to speak but Rafe quickly cuts you off, hand tightening on your own “She’s good.”

JJ’s face immediately drops as he narrows his eyes, “Don’t think I was asking you, bro.” He says dryly as Rafe clenches his jaw.

“You gonna answer then?” Rafe spits out, making you look at him with pleading eyes, knowing by the look on his face that he was going to end this in a fight with you.

He simply gives you a glare and you turn to JJ, eyes not daring to meet his.

“Uh yeah, I’ve been good, you?” At your words Rafe lets out a scoff and you bite your lip anxiously, praying to whatever god that whatever has him mad will be resolved quickly.

“You know me, I’m always a’ight, you should uh come by the Chateau soon so we can catch up with ya…we’ve missed you.” JJ says, eyes trained intently on you as he ignores Rafe’s looming presence.

“Yeah, that sounds real nice.” You say, smiling softly and before you can say anything else Rafe is tugging you away.

“Yeah, real good to see you JJ, always a fucking pleasure!” He shouts sarcastically, ignoring how the blonde boy calls out your name when John B finally makes it to his side. You send an apologetic smile over your shoulder as Rafe’s hand detaches from your own.

“That sounds real nice?” Rafe parrots your words, eyes wild with anger as he scoffs to himself continuing his rapid walk back to the truck.

“What else was I supposed to say?” You ask desperately, running slightly to keep up with Rafe’s fast paces as he refuses to slow down for you.

“Rafe!” You call out when he doesn’t respond, the two of you now all but five meters from his truck.

That’s when he spins back to face you, face scrunched in anger as he points at you.

“I’ll tell you what your fucking problem is, y-you can’t be happy with what I’m giving you so you put on the sad kicked puppy act when Maybank is around for what? Huh? You fucking him or something?” Rafe shouts in anger, now towering over you as you all but freeze in your place.

“What? No I’m not fucking Jay, Rafe. I haven’t seen him in months, ever since you told me to stop hanging round with my friends!” You say, voice trembling as you attempt to hold back tears of frustration not missing the way Rafe’s eyes flash with more anger.

“You might as well be fucking him, you got nicknames for him and shit?” He states mockingly, letting out a dry laugh when you go to correct your mistake as a force of habit from your childhood, he spins back toward his truck before you can even respond. “Go hang with Maybank for all I care, prove how much of an attention seeking whore you are.”

Your brows furrow as Rafe rounds his truck, clambering into it as you step forward.

“Rafe?” You call out, listening to him start his truck and rev the engine. You begin walking toward the truck but Rafe reverses so quickly that sand flicks up leaving you to shield your face when he spins the truck around,leaving you stood there.

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

You receive an abundant of text messages from Rafe later on in the same night as your pacing the small space of your room, nibbling anxiously on your nails.

Rafe 💜: am sory baby

Rafe 💜: Pogue get me soooooo pissed

Rafe 💜: I lobe u so moch ❤️❤️

You let out a groan of frustration at the words, your mind spinning as though you’d experienced whiplash. You didn’t know how to keep up anymore, you didn’t understand.

No, I don't understand

You: I love you too 🤍

And maybe in some masochistic way

I kinda find it all exciting

Like, which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?

Your sat reading on the dock at the back of your house, one foot dangling into the water when your phone buzzes.

Rafe 💜: coming over.

Your stomach churns with an excited sort of nervousness, mind reeling on how Rafe is going to be today.

His emotional imbalance had made such an impact upon your own that you didn’t know how to feel anymore, whatever you felt was never right in his eyes.

you: okay, on the dock <3

When you hear Rafe’s footsteps drawing closer you don’t dare look up, pretending to be engrossed in your book to see how he would react.

Whether he’d be his teasing normal self that you’d fallen in love with or the coked up angry Rafe that you’d grown to hate.

Rafe steps grow dangerously near and his voice comes along with them, “That book so interesting it mutes your hearing?” He asks, voice boarding on teasing as you look up at him a few meters from you.

You smile and shrug, “It’s a good book.”

Rafe cocks a brow, coming to a standstill in front of you as locks down upon you.

“That good book better than my presence?” He asks, and some part of you sighs in relief at his calm demeanour and undiluted pupils.

“Not a chance.” You say, holding your hands out for Rafe to pull you up and as he does he picks you up into a tight hug and spins the both of you around as you squeal in delight.

It's one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

“Come on baby, please.” Rafe pleads with you, hands tugging at the waistband of your pants in the country club bathroom as you give him a pointed look.

“Not here Rafe.” You say softly as he groans, head on your shoulder.

“We’ve done it here before.” He says in response, lips suckling on your neck as you laugh, gently prying him away from you.

“Yeah, when we weren’t at a business party with your father here.” Rafe then stands to his full height, his jaw ticking and your stomach immediately drops at the quick shift in demeanour.

“My father’s never seemed to bother you before.” He says, referring to the abundant amount of times the two of you have fucked in the house while Ward was just downstairs.

You sigh softly, “We’re at a business party, baby, I promise when we get home-“

Rafe withdraws his hands from you and runs one through his bangs, “Whatever.” He mutters, moving swiftly toward the bathroom door as you reach out for him.

“Rafe, talk to me, what’s wrong?” The boy in question turn his head and rolls his eyes.

“What’s wrong is my girl is more interested in my father than me.” He says simply, shrugging as he goes “I didn’t even wanna fuck anyway, you make it to much work.”

And like a child who’d been refused his favourite toy, Rafe leaves you stood there swallowing the all too familiar lump in your throat.

No, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

It's back and forth, goin' over everything I said

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong?

It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

Instead it's one step forward and three steps back

Rafe had been giving you the silent treatment since you’d gotten to Tanny hill, only exchanging a grunt in response to you when you placed a kiss to his head as you sat beside him.

Your mind was raking over whatever it is you’d done wrong as you sit on his bed, anxiously waiting for him to come off of the phone to see if he’d talk to you.

You’d be a fool to yourself if you said this wasn’t a regular occurrence, Rafe constantly gave you the silent treatment in response to something.

And then he’d act like you were stupid for thinking such things.

You’re mind couldn’t pin point a thing you’d done wrong nor could it pin point anything you’d said wrong.

You should know by now that this is Rafe’s way, when he’s annoyed at everyone else he takes it out on you. When he doesn’t want to face his own emotions he pushed them onto you so you can face them. Like his own personal punching bag, you should know it’s not your fault yet you feel like it is every time.

When Rafe re emerges from the balcony, he lies down on the bed beside you as you remain sat up trying to find the courage to ask him the question that often leads to him essentially biting your head off.

“Are you mad at me?” You blurt out, turning to look at Rafe who sighs loudly in annoyance.

“Not this shit again.” He groans, rubbing a hand over his face as you fiddle with your fingers.

“I- you just seem quiet today s’all.” You point out and you can predict Rafe’s response before he even says it.

“What? I can’t be quiet now? It’s all good when you wanna be quiet but when it’s me I’m suddenly mad at you?” He asks rhetorically as you shrug half heartedly, avoiding his gaze as he sighs again bringing himself to a sitting position as he places his chin on your shoulder.

“Stop asking me stupid shit, a’ight?” He says and all you can do is nod numbly.

And I'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all I've ever had

As youre walking out of Tanny Hill, face wet with tears due to another screaming match with Rafe, a voice calls out your name from behind you.

You’re quick to wipe your cheeks when you realise it isn’t Rafe, it’s Sarah.

You turn, forcing a smile onto your face as she approaches you, and by the look on her face you know she heard.

“Hey Sare, everything good?” You ask, voice hoarse due to the amount of shouting and crying you’d done.

“I should ask you that, are you okay?” She says softly, brown eyes so kind that your heart nearly breaks to think of how much anger her brother’s blue ones hold.

“You heard, huh?” You ask, watching as she nods, “Look, he- he’s just had a long day and-“

“Y/n, he’s always either had a long day or he’s had a fight with our dad, that doesn’t justify the way he treats you.” She states, deja vu hitting you remembering the similar conversation the two of you had but in that conversation she’d been cautious with what she’d said to you but it was obvious now that caution had gone out of the window.

You stand silently, biting your lip as you look at your former friend “But he loves me.” You whisper, as if that justifies anything.

Sarah’s face breaks out in so much empathy that you swear you can hear both of your hearts break, “Love isn’t supposed to be that hard.” She says and you suck in a harsh breath, “He does love you but…not in the way you deserve.”

Tears roll down your cheeks once more as you respond, “How am I supposed to know what I deserve? I’ve never known anyone else’s love apart from his.”

Sarah immediately brings you into her arms, hugging you so tightly that you have no choice but to let yourself fall into the embrace.

Yeah, it's one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy

I don't understand

You and Rafe sit silently together at one of Rose’s infamous parties, your eyes trained intently on both Sarah and John B as the Routledge boy pains her around whilst watching her with such a lovesick expression that it makes your stomach churn.

You don’t think Rafe has ever looked at you in such a way.

Not even Ward argued with the fact that Sarah was dating a Pogue, JB was so fiercely in love with his daughter that everyone with eyes could see it. He worshipped the ground she walked on making you come to realisation that Rafe had never been that way with you.

Your head turns to said boy as you speak up, “Do you love me?” You ask, making Rafe slowly turn his head toward you in return, the motion slow due to how high he is.

You don’t think he’s been sober properly since you got together, and you know he won’t be sober any time soon.

You’d helped him in every way you could, he threw it all back into your face.

He needed to figure his shit out for himself now.

“You really asking me stupid shit again?” He asks harshly, yet this time, you don’t waver in your response and you chose to ignore the lump in your throat.

“It’s a simple question, Rafe.” You state calmly, eyes twinkling with such a small amount of hope for whatever thread is hanging on in yours and Rafe’s relationship.

Rafe simply stares at you, as though he can’t bring himself to say the words he’s always eager to say when he wants to get you into bed.

You nod, hope dying out as the thread finally snaps and you unlatch the necklace he’d given you, signifying you breaking free of the prison he’d had you in for over a year.

“I hope you get better Rafe, but I don’t think you’re ever going to do that when you’re with me, I don’t want to be the thing that takes on all your shitty emotions…you need to face them for yourself.” You say, gently prying apart his clenched palm and placing the necklace there before you stand up.

Rafe is quick to follow, calling out for you as you walk away, ignoring the multiple gazes on you and the attention drawn toward you at Rafe’s desperate shouts.

Somewhere in the crowd, Sarah and John B watch with small smiles, happy you’d finally made the first step for yourself.

No, I don't understand

Two weeks later and you’re sat on the front porch at the Chateau, hair flowing softly in the morning breeze as you watch the sunrise.

Rafe had been non stop texting you during the duration of your split, words of love and hatred that you still couldn’t begin to understand no matter how hard you tried.

You did come to the realisation that he’d never even allowed you to understand him, despite how hard you’d tried.

He’d attempted to come to your house but you’d made the wise decision to crash at John B’s, rekindling your friendship with the Pogues as they welcomed you with open arms. Eyes filled with immense guilt for not realising how bad things had gotten with you and Rafe but also with so much love that you’d felt overwhelmed, you didn’t realise such love still existed.

You smile softly to yourself, eyes dancing over the colours coating the sky and you decided things would be okay.

You’d be okay.

[gatheringbones]

[“Too many of us have chosen to live in sexually ambiguous, sexually boring, sexually dead lesbian relationships because it wasn't safe to talk about desire---desire for cock, desire for pussy, desire for leather, desire for diversity. Exploring my desire for men has led me in an interesting circle---back to my incredible passion for womyn. My queer world will have to stretch (again) to make room for my fantasies, and perhaps even an affair or two. It will have to stretch to make room for whatever I desire.

Finally I realize what I am so afraid of. I am afraid that men and penises have so much power in this heteropatriarchal world that simply desiring one can invalidate 25 years of deep womon-loving. I'm afraid that lesbianism is so fragile that it needs to be protected by an iron fence. I am afraid that by desiring a cock, I will be excommunicated, torn away from the world of womyn. I am afraid that if I allow myself to open, perhaps I will want more. This is why a lesbian wanting a man demands so much courage. Courage to stand outside of identity politics, to insist that our community grow to accept all of us.

My lesbianism is as sure and solid as the Himalayas, as predictable as the seasons and the phases of the moon, as familiar as a womon in my arms ("Wherever I go, there's one thing I know, I'm sure to have a womon around me"). My desire for men is as fleeting as good chocolate and ripe strawberries---not always available, sometimes bitter and disappointing, often intoxicating as nectar, somewhat allergic, and extremely tempting.

I can live with all these desires. I will not compromise myself again. Fitting in is less important than filling out. There is a revolution afoot, and it is stretching the parameters of the old gay life. The hundredth monkey. A friend says, "Oy, I'm not ready for this century." But she is. She is.

Just when I thought I'd made some sense of these desires for men and had come to peace with them, my ex-lover called. The butch who couldn't communicate and who could never fuck me right. She has something to share, something important, something very personal. She has decided to come out as a transgendered person---bi-gendered, s/he calls it. S/he has come to realize that s/he has both a male body and a female body. Hir language may be new, but the experience is familiar.

It was hir male body I always wanted. I'd called it butch. S/he says that when s/he is in hir male body s/he desires men; when s/he is in hir female body s/he desires womyn. In other words, s/he's as queer as a $3 bill.

Suddenly, a fog begins to clear. If I desired hir male body and hir male body desires men, and when s/he is in hir female body s/he desires womyn, then s/he must've wanted me womon to womon (or man to man?), while I wanted hir butch to femme (Dare I say, male to female?). Suddenly our sex problems become very clear.

I always felt hir switch. As I filled with desire, wanting hir hardness, her maleness, s/he would become soft, almost girly, and it was like someone pulled the plug on the bathtub, the desire leaked out of me, leaving me--us--empty.

This starts me thinking about the lover before hir. The one with the sweet curls in her hair, the big round belly, and the soft eyes. The kinky one, where anything goes. She loves my femme self, calls me bitch and desires to fell me with hardness, to force me into submission.

Somehow though, it never quite worked. I am beginning to see what went wrong. This one wanted butch/femme, boy/girl sex, and I wanted lezzie sex. I loved hir female body and wanted to touch her. S/he wanted to give me hir male body. When I tried to touch hir breasts, I was reminding hir that she was a womon and was therefore rejecting her power. The lover s/he picked after me identified as a heterosexual woman (although she too used to be a radical dyke). When my ex-lover told me this new lover wouldn't touch her (after all she did identify as straight), I thought, how terrible, such internalized homophobia. Now I am beginning to understand how, by ignoring the girl body, the boy could feel his power. It got old fast, but for a while it worked, fed the rejected boy place inside.

I began this piece saying I hadn't had a man in 15 years. I am beginning to suspect that I've had many men. They'd called themselves butches.

I suppose none of this makes sense if you just think about biological bodies. These girls definitely had female bodies, tits and ass, and oh, so lovely to touch. But there is no doubt that these womyn have also had dicks. I've never said this out loud before, because dick is a dirty lesbian word. But I have been filled by womyn's dicks, and no, they are not "just" dildos.”]

Lionheart, from wanting men, from genderqueer: voices beyond the binary, edited by Riki wilchins, 2002

[fordtato]

I am happy to announce this year's Project Six-Eighteen video lineup!

Every year I make a series of video projects related to Gravity Falls. These videos tend to be shorter than my main video essays (which tend to be between 1.5-3 hours long), and usually are between 20-60 min.

All of the dates above are subject to change, but a couple have been in the works for about a year! I will tentatively say that if a video does not come out in the allotted time, you can expect something to be bumped to July. But please be patient if something does not go according to plan. It is difficult to juggle this project with my workload, but I will do my best.

Subscribe to my YouTube to stay posted

Support my work, AND SEE EXCLUSIVE CONTENT on Patreon

Last year's Project 618 playlist

[Text from image can be found in alt text, also below cut]

Image 1: Project 618 2024 Video #1 - June 4 Interview w/ Rob Renzetti

Video #2 - June 11 A look back at Musical Falls - My favorite fan project that you‘ve never heard of

Video #3 - June 18 A Scene-By-Scene analysis of A Tale of Two Stans

Special stream - DATE TBA Giving myself an all-star tattoo* while playing GinJuiceTonic’s Ford Dating Sim (For a future video In July on GF Dating Sims) (Celebrating 50 Patrons, 10k Subs)

Video #4 - June 25 Gravity Falls AUs: (Some of) The ones I missed Last Time

Video #5 - June 30 Defending Stanford Pines: A look back at the Stan Wars Note: All dates are tentative. Watch all of these videos on Hana Hyperfixates’s YouTube channel. *It’s an inkbox temporary tattoo, though if i reach 1000 patrons, then we’ll talk.

Image 2:

Project 618 PATREON EXCLUSIVES

Video #1 - June 5 Behind the Scenes of my interviews with Alex Hirsch and Rob Renzetti

Video #2 - June 17 A Scene-By-Scene analysis of The Last Mabelcorn*

Video #3 - June 23 A Patron-Only Zoom Call! (Future video discussion [Mystery Trio vid essay, etc.), Channel Updates, Chat with me, Join me in Celebrating Sonic the hedgehog’s birthday, and More)

Note: All dates are tentative.

*This will replace the current Patreon-exclusive video “Where is Gravity Falls?”, which will be re-edited and posted to YouTube later that month.

[entertext]

HGSN 27-3

Chapter (Japanese)

(Please hit the green thumbs up at the end of the Japanese chapter to show support)

Rough translation by me

P1

Waiter: Your Tropical Hawaiian Pancakes ~Served with the Sea Breeze~

Waiter: And your Tropical Parfait, sirs

Tanaka: Thank you

Hikaru: ...Thanks

P2

Tanaka: Mm

(sfx: creak)

Tanaka: Well, please think it over carefully

Tanaka: I'm also just going to do what needs to be done

(sfx: rattle rattle)

P2

(sfx: ka-thunk ga-thunk)

(sfx: ka-thunk ga-thunk)

(sfx: ka-thunk ga-thunk)

(sfx: ka-thunk ga-thunk)

P3

Yoshiki: (There's no such thing as Nounuki-sama)

Yoshiki: (Then what did Hikaru even die for?)

Yoshiki: (What is 'Hikaru' anyway?)

Yoshiki: (What have I been doing all this for...)

Hikaru: Today sure was a lot, huh? ... What should we do tomorrow...?

(sfx: ka-thunk ga-thunk)

(sfx: ka-thunk ga-thunk)

Yoshiki: ...I'm so glad

(sfx: ka-thunk ga-thunk)

P3

Yoshiki: I'm so glad you didn't have to go back to the mountain...

(Hikaru: The monster will go away...)

(Hikaru: Happily ever after.)

(Hikaru: That's for the best.)

Yoshiki: (I'm a monster too)

Yoshiki: (I can't find a place to belong in this cramped world)

Yoshiki: (It's always been hard to breathe)

P6

Yoshiki: (and I've kept myself hidden away)

Yoshiki: (That's why I want him to be saved)

P7

Yoshiki: (Because when I'm with you, I'm saved too)

Yoshiki: (In the end, its just ego)

Yoshiki: (I've said it was for 'Hikaru''s sake, for the village's sake, desperate to shift responsibility...)

Yoshiki: (But in the end, it was all just for me, wasn't it?)

P8

(Yoshiki: You don't need to turn into a human or anything )

Yoshiki: (I went and said something like that...but in the end I'm still seeing him as a human)

Yoshiki: ('Hikaru' and I aren't the same at all)

Yoshiki: (No matter what, he's a real monster that's murdered people, a dangerous existence...)

Yoshiki: (That's why he tried to go back to the mountain)

Yoshiki: (The choice 'Hikaru' made wasn't wrong at all)

Yoshiki: (And yet, I...!)

P9

Yoshiki:

(Because I don't want to be apart from him

Because I don't want to be alone

Because to me, 'Hikaru' is my salvation

Even if anyone else gets hurt

Because 'Hikaru' is important to me

The truth is I might not care what happens to anyone else

Am I maybe still seeing Hikaru in him?

I'm the one treating people's lives too lightly)

Yoshiki: I'm a self-centered asshole...

(sfx: slump)

Hikaru: Huh?

Yoshiki: I've been saying it's for the village or for you

Yoshiki: But it was all...just to serve my ego...

==

Next part: 2024/06/04 (next week)

Twitter Extra (link):

Hikaru: Whoa, he suddenly started crying (LOL)

[ajje-111]

Pick a Painting: General Messages

Pile 1: Lady in Blue [Two of Swords]

Pile 2: Woman holding man's head [Justice]

Pile 3: Four Women [Ace of Swords]

Pile 4: Two Young Girls [10 of Pentacles]

In usual tarot fashion, please take the following messages as what resonates with you. I hope these messages find you well. With peace and love, Hare Krishna.

-Wind.

Pile 1

Cards: Two of Swords, Two of Pentacles, & 10 of Swords (reversed)

Courage: I find the inner strength to face fear with confidence.

Balance: I bring a state of perfect harmony into my world, and I do so without judgment.

Hello to all the visitors of pile 1. I hope you are well. The colors blue and purple are very vibrant to me in this pile. Many of you may strongly connect to your throat and third eye chakra.

A current situation in your life is affecting these deeply connected qualities, specifically your ability to communicate. You are on the fence about how to approach a certain situation because you are unsure of the consequences that it may lead to. I picture someone biting their tongue a little before speaking up to someone who has a big say in their future.

You will be turning inward and taking this situation personally because it has triggered deep emotions within you that were unaware of.

Although I see you being able to find the courage and strength needed to restore balance in this situation, I do not see it happening without deep reflection beforehand.

If there is something that brings out uncontrollable emotions in you, listen to them. Our body reacts to all stimuli, not only physical but also emotional. Learn how to find balance in this situation.

Song: "Dem Haters (feat. Dwane Husbands)" - Rihanna

I hope this helps, be well. Thank you :)

Pile 2

Cards: Justice, Queen of Swords, Seven of Cups, & Six of Swords.

Failure: I understand that a mistake is only an opportunity to learn.

Perseverance: I know that I can do whatever I set my mind to.

Hello pile 2 visitors, I hope you are well. Purple is the color for you, embodying a sense of high knowing and openness of your crown and third-eye chakras. Very beautiful energy that you have created within yourself. I sense that many of you make sure that your thoughts are clear so you can operate throughout the day as efficiently as you'd like.

The message here is not for all of you, so please take what resonates with you. If you feel it does not apply to your well-being I suggest you stop reading. This message is for those who have left a certain situation in the dust. There is a person or situation that is showing me your complete disengagement. Much like the painting, you hold the dead head of whatever it is that you have left. Only you will know what that is.

I sense you feel that this situation was a failure, but I see you choosing to believe that it was not a waste of time. You're taking this fall out and learning from it, you're moving on to a better place and imagining what awaits you next.

Either way, this situation or person that you have decided to disengage with is the right decision. For some of you, I see karma dealing its cards in your favor. Continue to do what feels right for you.

Confirmation from your guides that you are on the right path.

Song: "Free Mind" - Tems

I hope this helps, be well. Thank you :)

Pile 3

Cards: Ace of Swords, Eight of Swords, Eight of Wands, Two of Pentacles, and Two of Swords.

Honesty: I can't always expect the truth from others, but I can expect it from myself.

Peace: I am a being of love, and I release all negative energy.

Hello pile 3 visitors, this pile is very in tune with the universe I can tell by the synchronicities within the cards. During my initial shuffle, I was supposed to only take one card but for your pile two came out.

I see honesty and peace being key ideas that you hold with your heart. If there is anything that poses a challenge to you I see that you do not take action without regarding your honesty and peace first. I see this to the point of you virtually not engaging with negativity at all for the sake of your own being. Which I totally understand, sometimes I have to do this myself. Not every opinion needs a thesis written about it.

I digress, your message here is that there is a certain aspect of your life that provides stability to you, it could be a job, relationship, pet, house, I don't know but it shows up as something that gifts you new ideas the more you engage and invest into it. This aspect restrains your creativity and restricts you from expressing ideas of honesty and peace. Similar to the painting, you feel claustrophobic in the world you're in and brings out a different side of your honesty and appears defensive.

I see that this situation or aspect of your life has caused you to not express yourself in the most peaceful of ways, but you see that as a sacrifice willing to take to be an honest person. You will not lie.

Some of you will leave this situation as is, you tell yourself you did all you could. You may be right.

Others of you will feel a sense of regret and guilt, remember that the past does not define you. You can move past this if you find it within yourself to be honest about the situation and see it for what it is.

You may be a water sign.

Song: "Wake Up Alone" - Amy Winehouse

That's all, be well. Thank you :)

Pile 4

Cards: Ten of Pentacles, Three of Swords, Three of Wands, Five of Pentacles, Five of Cups, & Two of Cups

Death: I am learning that endings are merely beginnings

Relationships: I am attracted to those people who serve my higher good.

Blame: I accept responsibility for my well-being

Hello, pile 4 visitors, a lot of messages I got for this pile specifically. I don't pull many cards out for my readings. But there was no need the cards honestly flew right out. Off the bat, this tells me that you are a very expressive person who doesn't hold any of it back and honestly refuses to. Some of you may be performers as a career or side hustle. Either way, this pile attracts those who are very creatively defined, talented, and intelligent.

Your message is that there may be something you've invested in that is not working out how you initially thought it would. For many of you, there was actual money involved. Some of you may have lost a large sum of money but that is not a message for everyone.

There is a project you are working on that requires you to be on 10 all the time. This means discipline, and you're only human but this project requires 100% focus and it shows up to me as draining, but it ultimately invests into your 10 pentacles, which is the abundance of your life. You see this investment as worth it even if you may have lost something of value or importance to you. Do not dwell on loss if you did lose a large sum of money. Think of the law of attraction, if you worry about what it is you don't want, all you will receive is exactly that.

A strong message to keep moving forward, reflect on how you're showing up in your relationships. Continue to connect to loved ones as they will remind you of who you are.

Song: "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" - Whitney Houston

That is all I have for you, be well. Thank you :)

[lovedrruunk]

'Mango Letters ♡⸝⸝💌⊹˖➴

Venture (Overwatch) x GN Reader

[Established Relationship!]

Authors note!!!; DID U MISS MEEE??? also...IM SO SORRYYY!!!! BUT I THINK IM JUST GONNA START WRITING WHAT I WANT :((( i realized im sososo bad with requests like genuinely ughhhh!! Ill def do some every now and then tho! Anyways im just clearing out my drafts cuz I’ve come to the realization that this is literally tumblr and my posts don’t have to be perfect lmao, enjoy!!

75 days 18 hours 46 minutes and 3 seconds. That's how long it had been since you've seen your partner Sloan. Being with them you knew how devoted they were to their work and how much it required them to travel but on pretty days like this one when the weathers just right and the flowers are in full bloom and the sunset is the perfect hue of orange, you couldn't help but wish they were by your side.

And although they were thousands of miles away they always made sure to send you physical manifestations of their love.

Through love letters of course!!!

It had been a tradition ever since they had started going on longer expeditions for them to send you things in the mail. So there in your shared closet in a cute little shoebox on the top shelf, laid all their feelings on coffee stained papers. Little crystals the same color as your eyes, maps with all the places they wanted to take you, polaroids of them doing silly faces, and your favorite part, the sweet scent of mango that came with it all.

And so although they weren't by your side, their feelings were. Their longing, their excitement, their thoughts, all in the palm of your hands covered in all types stickers and doodles.

Sitting outside on the porch of your shared home enjoying the calm breeze you smile holding the most recent letter delivered. Inhaling deeply catching the hints of mango as you carefully open it.

Dear Beloved,

It's been so looong!!! I can feel myself aging without you! Hope this letter finds you well! Notice how I used "beloved"? Fancy huh? Arn't I just the most romantic partner ever? (don't answer that.) This is my fifth time trying to write this and it's annoying the crew so this is my last chance before they jump me... It's just so hard y'know!? It has to be perfect. Perfect for you. Is that cringe? That was cringe sorry! I miss you lots and I think about you all the time... You'd love Petra! A camel ate my shemagh... but It's whatever. I'll buy a new one tomorrow, I'll get one for you too so don't worry! Now that I'm thinking about it the days seem to be going by pretty slow and I'm not sure if I like it much. Like I said I miss you a lot and it stinks being away from you for this long. Can't you just book a flight over here? Can't you do that for me pretty pleaseee? That's ridiculous? Okay just say you hate me and never want me to come back, just say you don't love me at all and want me to get stuck in a cave foreva. Just kidding! or am I?... (I am! >ᴗ<)

I like to imagine you’re missing me really bad counting down the seconds till I get back, which by the way I am too so don’t feel the need to deny it! I can see it now… You all shriveled up like a raisin crawling on the floor going “sloannn… sloannnn…” because of how bad you miss me hehe. Just kidding again! It’s probably the opposite let’s be real… I’m going insane without you seriously, I started talking to the hieroglyphics yesterday and the crew even caught me tasting some rocks earlier (sos!!!!)

But speaking of, they’re rushing me to “turn the lights off already” what a bunch of buzzkills ammarite? Promise to show up in my dreams okay? Who am I kidding, you’re always there regardless. Sweet dreams ᥫ᭡ᥫ᭡

p.s they really wanna meet you!

p.p.s take care okay? I’ll be home before you know it!!!

Yours truly,

(so romantic!!!)

“(๑´>᎑<)~*”

[saturn-lia]

~ Our little date 🩸

Character: Scar (Wuthering waves)

Content: oneshot, SLIGHT NSFW (nothing that serious), scar x reader, fem!reader.

Just scar begin obsessed with you, so much that he is going insane.

again, you find yourself face to face with Scar, for the umpteenth time in the last 3 weeks.

Your icy gaze challenges his defiant one.

"don't look at me like that, come on. If you keep doing this I won't be able to control myself, love." Scar chuckled

In a fraction of a second he appeared in front of you, tipping your chin up with his finger to meet his gaze.

"we haven’t met for 2 days straight, why not enjoy our alone time once more?"

“don’t call me love.”

You approach even more to look deeper into his eyes, making sure he knows how serious you are.

Scar's smile widened, looking as if he took pride in your reaction.

"Why not? But that's what we are, hm?" He leaned forward, his thumb gently caressing her cheek, "I mean, I can't stop thinking about you. What more can I call you?"

Scar's touch caused a shiver to run up her spine, but she did her best to ignore it, attempting to move away from his touch.

With all your strength, you push Scar to the ground trapping him with the weight of your body, blade aimed at his throat as your the knee pushes against his stomach.

He lets out a strangled gasp falling to the ground, his left hand trapped underneath yours.

“...Well, this is rather...intimate," he muses with a chuckle, a smirk still playing on his lips, "If this is how you want to start off, then be my guest, darling. I love nothing more than to enjoy these little power struggles of yours."

you push your knee into his stomach, enough to make him struggle to speak, he flinches.

“You’re just trying to get me on your side.”

Scar's body tremulously shuddered from the pressure on his stomach, making his smirk falter slightly as he struggled to speak, his breath hitching.

Despite this, he still tried to maintain his composure, trying his best not to give you the satisfaction you crave to see.

"And if I am?" He manages to retort through gritted teeth, his gaze still fixed upon you with a mixture of defiance and amusement.

“Did they tell you to seduce me so that it would be easier to convince me?” you say without breaking eye contact, your faces are inches apart.

As their breaths mingle, a slight blush starts to form on Scar's cheeks, the proximity between them beginning to have an effect on him. He takes a moment to answer, his gaze unwavering as he looks deeply into her eyes.

"Well, they didn't tell me anything," he finally says, a sultry undertone evident in his voice, "but even if they did, I would still be drawn to you. Seduce you or not, I don't care about any of that. It's just you and me, now."

"Yeah sure" you stay alert, still pointing your sword at him, you stand up letting him go.

Scar stands up, a devious look gleaming in his eyes as he brushes off the dust on his clothes while watching her with a smirk. After a few moments of silence, he finally speaks up, his tone mischievous

"Ah, I do love how you treat me with such passion." He laughs. "But come now, you can't deny the chemistry between us. Why not we take a step back and have some fun together?"

“It would end up with you trying to kill me”

He chuckled at your response, his smirk widening into a full-blown grin.

"Killing you? Now, why would I want to do that when you make such an entertaining plaything?" He said in mock disappointment, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

"Tell me, love, what's the point of a game if it ends too quickly? Where's the thrill, the excitement? Don't you enjoy a good chase?"

as he approaches, you take a few steps back.

Noticing her retreat, Scar slows his pace, his movements almost languid as he continues to approach her with a wicked smile on his face.

"There, there... No need to back away," he coos, his voice taking on a more seductive tone. "I won't hurt you, my darling. But isn't this so much more exhilarating than just getting rid of each other?"

A chuckle escapes his lips as he notices your blush, his smirk widening in delight. With a flick of his wrist, he disarms your sword, the weapon clattering to the ground with a dull thunk.

He steps forward, eliminating the remaining space between them and pressing his body against her, the heat between them almost palpable. He leans forward, their faces mere inches apart, his breath hot on her neck as he whispers softly in their ear.

"You can't deceive me, my love. I know you want this just as much as I do."

You try to escape from the weight of his body that pins you against the wall, but he is quicker than you to grab your wrists with one hand, and trap them above your head.

Seeing her struggle, Scar's grip on her wrists tightens slightly, a possessive glint in his eyes as he presses them further against the wall, his body trapping them in place.

"What's the point of resisting, my dear? You may deny it for now, but I know the truth. You're here because deep down, you desire me."

He leans in even closer, his breath hot on your skin as he murmurs against your neck.

His words carry a mixture of confidence and desire as his gaze lingers on her, a subtle shiver runs down her spine.

"You're so beautiful, it's almost a crime…and yet, you're still trying to deny us both the pleasure we deserve."

Scar's free hand starts to slowly run down her body, exploring her form with a possessive touch.

"You don't need to be so shy. Let your desires run free. Let me give you everything you crave, my love," he whispers, his breath hot against her skin as his mouth finds its way to her neck, planting soft and lingering kisses along the tender flesh there.

You try in every way not to fall into the sweet trap he set for you, but you've had enough of pretending you don't like it so, you abandon yourself to his touch.

A smirk spreads across his lips as he senses her finally giving in, the way she melts into his touch only igniting a fire within him even more.

"There, there, my dear," he murmurs against the skin, "Let go of your doubts and fears, and just enjoy this moment with me."

Scar continues to shower her with his heated affections, his mouth moving along her neck and collarbone as his free hand continues its exploratory journey over her body.

your arms feel like jelly, when he loosens his grip on your wrists you let your arms fall to his shoulders.

As she moves, he takes the opportunity to slide his own hands around her waist, pulling her closer, their bodies pressing even more firmly against each other.

"You're so responsive," he praises in a low voice, his breath hot against their skin.

He begins to plant soft kisses along her neck, his mouth moving up towards her jaw as he savors the taste of her skin.

A muffled moan escapes your lips as if your subconscious is demanding more from his touch.

A low growl escapes Scar's lips as he hears her soft moans, his hold on her waist tightening.

"That's it," he whispers huskily, "let me hear you, my love."

His mouth trails upwards, pressing hot kisses along her jaw before he captures her lips in a possessive kiss

He moans softly against her lips, the sound muffled by their kiss. Her eagerness fuels his desire even more, his hands beginning to wander lower.

The kiss grows deeper, more intense, his hunger for her apparent in the way he claims her mouth with heated passion.

You break the kiss to move your mouth on his neck, working on leaving a mark on it, while your hands slowly trace his body lower and lower

A sharp inhale escapes Scar's lips, the touch sending a shiver down his spine.

"Oh, you cheeky minx," he purrs with a low chuckle, his breath coming in ragged gasps now. His hands rest on her lower spine, his fingers tracing slow, lazy circles as they brush against the soft skin beneath his touch. He lets out a soft groan as he feels her hands travel lower and lower, unable to hide the effect your touch has on him.

“You want me that much, Scar?”

"You have no idea..."

His breath hitches with a mixture of desire and vulnerability, tilting his head back to give her better access.

"You have no idea how badly I've craved your touch," he confesses, his voice almost a whisper. "Every second, every moment, every breath we're apart is torture. I ache to be close to you in every way possible. That's how much I want you."

A sharp gasp escapes from his lips as her touch finally reaches its desired destination, the sound a mixture of shock and raw pleasure. His body shudders slightly, his eyes widening a fraction.

"Oh, sweet hell..." he curses, an involuntary groan escaping his lips. "You're going to drive me mad, my love."

His hands tighten their grip on her, holding her firmly against his body.

“Don’t hold back, wasn’t this what you wanted?” She whispered against the boiling hot skin of his neck, now covered in marks.

His breath hitches at her words, the mixture of her touch and her whisper against his skin fueling the burning desire coursing through his veins.*

"Yes, yes..." he responds, his voice barely above a whisper, his breath coming in ragged gasps. "This is all I want... All I need."

His eyes shut, lost in the bliss of her touch as he gives in to the tidal waves of pleasure crashing over him.

“they’d kill me if we get caught, I’m supposed to work, you know?” Scar said.

”I know, but enjoy the moment for now, let’s keep this between us, shall we?”

A grin spreads across Scar's face at her words.

"Your wish is my command, my dear," he replies with a chuckle, his voice laced with a hint of teasing.

He presses up against her once more, pinning her against the wall with a strong hold. He leans in close, his breath hot against her ear as he whispers,

"They'll never find out if we keep this between us."

in that right moment, a feminine voice is heard behind them

“Between the three of us?”

Scar's eyes widen in shock as he abruptly breaks away from her his heart racing furiously as he tries to regain his composure. Seeing Phrolova suddenly appear startled him, and he quickly composes himself, straightening his clothes and forcing a calm expression.

"Hey, what's... what's up?" he asks, feigning nonchalance despite the surprise still evident in his voice.

Phrolova's gaze flicks between Scar and him, she raises an eyebrow, an amused smirk playing on her lips.

Phrolova: "What's going on here, lovebirds?"

Scar shoots a quick glance at her. His usual cocky smirk returns as he turns back to Phrolova

"Oh, nothing, just a little bit of... intense conversation…”

He turns to face you.

“Our time is sadly over, my dear, I would have liked to tease you a little more.”

He winks at you as he walks away.

Phrolova chuckles, a knowing look on her face as she eyes the both of them.

He shoots you a last lingering glance, his eyes holding a mixture of hunger and desire before he finally turns away.

Phrolova glances at you with a smirk once Scar is gone.

Phrolova:”Looks like you have the notorious playboy, Scar, wrapped around your little finger."

……………………………………………………………

Hi hello I’m Lia yes it’s my first oneshot, hope you liked ❤️

Requests for WuWa are opennnnn!

I’ll wait for y’all <3

[larluce]

Merlin as Arthur's familiar/Arthur's shapeshifter falcon AU

@dsabian , @theplatanitosqueal , @stressed-but-chill , @gregre369 , @chaosofbelievers , @thelordofabsolutelynothing , @another-tblr-fangirl , @aceauthorcatqueen , @smileytrinity , @tiny-and-witchy , @wako-weirdo , @a-very-tired-ravenclaw , @schiwalkers-ineffability , @natsu2501malo , @dearfuturelyn , @thedollopheadofcamelot

LINK TO THE OTHER PARTS: PART 1 , PART 2 , PART 3 , PART 4 , PART 5 , PART 6 , PART 7 , PART 8

In Morgana's chambers. Morgana and Gwen with the chicks that are now 3 weeks old.

Morgana: (putting the chicks their neckerchiefs) purple for Guardian, blue for Rain, green for Blizzard, orange for Brave and yellow for Wary.

Chicks: (chirp happily on the table) 😊😄😊😄😊

Gwen: Shouldn't we wait until they fully grow up? What if they later choke on them?

Morgana: Oh, that won't happen, the neckerchiefs are- (stops herself) Ahm... I'll change them before that happens.

Arthur: (knocks from outside)

Morgana: Come in!

Arthur: (enters) Where are my babies? 🤗 (goes to them)

Chicks: (chirp, moving their wings and jumping, happy to see their father) 😃😃😃😃😃

Arthur: There you are. You look regal! (extends his arms to the table)

Chicks: (move their wings like flying, but really they just jump to Arthur's arms)

Morgana: Awww, even Wary jumped. Fatherly life has really changed you.

Gwen: (also in aww at Arthur's behaviour) If you are like this with your merlins, I can't imagine how would you be with your actual children, my lord. Your future wife will be more than happy.

Arthur: ...

Morgana: ...

Gwen: (worried) Did I say something wrong?

Morgana: No! Nothing at all. Gwen could you bring me some flowers, please? The ones I have are already withering

Gwen: Eh... sure. My lady (bows), your highness (bows and leaves).

Morgana: (To Arthur) I'm so sorry.

Arthur: (smiles, reassuring) Don't be. Guinevere was just being nice. It's not her fault she doesn't know Merlin and I are together.

Morgana: Where is him by the way?

Arthur: Hunting. (Laughs a little) I literally have 50 hunters at my disposal, but he still prefers to hunt the chicks' food himself.

Morgana: (Laughs too) He can be almost as prideful as you sometimes (turns to the door and gets sad)

Arthur: (concerned) What is it?

Morgana: Nothing, it's just... I hate hiding things from Gwen. Before I knew I was a sorceress, we told each other everything and now... (sighs) I know I have you and Merlin and that’s a relief itself, but... most of the time I feel like I can't be myself.

Arthur: Merlin told me something similar. That he hates having to hide all the time. He didn't say it like that, but I know that's what he meant. (Sighs) I'm sorry.

Morgana: It's not your fault.

Arthur: But still, I'm sorry. You shouldn't live in fear. Nobody should.

Chicks: (chirp in Arthur’s arms)

Morgana: (shakes her head) No more sad talking. In fact, I wanted to tell some wonderful news!

Arthur: Really?

Morgana: (very excited) I finally got your birthday present!

Arthur: ...

Arthur: Morgana, my birthday was a week ago.

Morgana: Yeah, but then the disastrous feast happened and you were grounded and I didn't have it quite right at the moment to be honest, but-

Arthur: Have WHAT right? 🤨

Morgana: Don't freak out, but it's a spell that-

Arthur: (almost yells) A SPELL?! You wanted to do magic on my birthday?! 😨

Morgana: No infront of everybody, of course, just to you! Or really ON you.

Arthur: (yells) YOU WANTED TO PUT A SPELL ON ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?! 😱 What were you thinking?! 😡

Morgana: Stop yelling! 😠 It's a complex spell, but is pretty harmless even if it goes wrong and I think you will find it quite useful.

Arthur: I don't care! You know I trust you with my life, Morgana, and I'm open to magic, I really am. But I don't need-

Morgana: Even to understand what your chicks are saying? 😏

Arthur: ... what? 😧

Morgana: There's a spell that can help you understand other languages. It used to work only with human languages, but Merlin and I perfected it and now it can be use to understand other animals too.

Arthur: I... (his eyes water with emotion and looks at his chicks) I'll be able to understand what they say?

Morgana: Merlin says their vocabulary is pretty basic still, but he thinks you'd like to hear it.

Arthur: (nods still emotional) I'd love to, I'd really love to. (Composes himself) And it would be nice to hear what Merlin says behind my back in his bird form too. 🙄

Morgana: (giggles) Sure. So, wanna try?

Arthur: (worried) But Gwen-

Morgana: She always takes her time when she looks for flowers and she always knocks before entering. We'll be fine.

Arthur: (sighs) Alright. What do I do?

Morgana: Well, first, you should sit. You might get dizzy for a bit.

Arthur: Okay (sits on the bed carefully so he doesn't drop his merlins) Now what?

Morgona: Now just stay still and close your eyes.

Arthur: (does it)

Chicks: (copy Arthur and do it too) 😌😌😌😌😌

Morgana: (puts her hands on Arthur's head and chants, her eyes turning gold) Þurh minum gewealde ond þinum mægen! Grið gehiere mid þisse feorhberend!

Arthur: (Gets a headache) Ow!

Morgana: (concerned) Arthur! Are you alright?

Guardian: Papa! 😨

Rain: Papa hurt? 🥺

Brave: Who hurt? 😠

Blizzard: Big female hurt! 😡

Wary: Nooo! Papa! 😭

Arthur: (in shock) They... they talked! 😧 (Laughs in joy) I can hear them! Morgana, it worked! I can understand them! 😃 (brings his chicks closer)

Morgana: (just as excited) Really? What are they saying?

Arthur: (eyes watering with emotion again) They... They call me papa. I know they do. Merlin told me they did, but hearing it is...

Morgana: (Smiles, moved) I know. I'm glad you can finally hear it.

Blizzard: (throws himself at Morgana while chirping loudly) You hurt Papa. I hurt you! 😡

Morgana: (catches Blizzard with her hands that are wearing leather gloves) Wow! Careful! you can't fly yet.

Blizzard: (chirps and pecks her hands furiously) Hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt! 😡

Morgana: (can't feel a thing due to the gloves. Amused, giggles) What is he saying?

Arthur: (Laughs softly) He's mad because he thinks you hurt me. Blizzard, stop it. Aunt Morgana didn't hurt me.

Rain: Papa no hurt? 🥺

Arthur: No, Rain. Morgana just gave me the most wonderful gift. (To Morgana) Thank you. (Thinks for a moment) Wait, can they understand me?

Merlin: (from the window in his bird form) Kinda. (Lands on the floor and takes his human form) We talk english and falcon around them constantly, so you could say they're bilingual.

Arthur: (surprised) Merlin! How long have you been there?

Rain, Wary, Brave and Guardian: Mama! 😄😄😄😄 (jump from Arthur's arms to the bed to the floor and go to Merlin)

Arthur: (amused, to Merlin) Mama? 😏

Merlin: Shut up 😒 (sits on the floor and his chicks jump to his lap) Oh, I love your neckerchiefs! Your aunt Morgana did a great job! 😊

Morgana: Oh! Do they call me auntie?

Merlin: No, but just because there's no word for that in falcon. They call you Big Female though.

Morgana: Cause I'm big?

Merlin: And because you were the only female they knew for a while besides Rain. Now they are kind of aware you hold some autority around the castle, so they think you are the leader of females or something like that. So really they mean 'great female' when they call you that.

Morgana: Oh! (smiles) I'll take it as a compliment then.

Blizzard: (Still in Morgana's hands and keeps pecking at her) Hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt 😡

Merlin: (scolds) Blizzard, stop pecking your aunt or no food for you 😠.

Blizzard: (stops and lowers his head in shame, chirping) Sorry, Mama 🥺.

Merlin: Now come. Food is ready. (Moves the dead bird he just hunted on the window with magic until it is in his hand)

Blizzard: Food! 😃 (jumps from Morgana's hands to the floor)

Guardian, Rain, Brave and Wary: (jumping in place) Food, food, food! 😃😃😃😃

Merlin: (throws the dead bird in front of him)

Guardian, Brave, Wary and Blizzard: (go to the dead bird and start tearing out the meat theirselfs)

Rain: (gets off Merlin's lap, but doesn't go to the dead bird)

Merlin: Rain go eat.

Rain: (shakes her head)

Arthur: (concerned, aproaches) Why don't you eat, Rain?

Rain: (chirps) No tear meat. No eat.

Arthur: Oh, you want me to cut it for you? Okay, let me-

Merlin: (sternly) No! she has to tear it herlself. Rain, eat now 😠.

Rain: (shakes her head)

Arthur: There's really no problem, I can-

Merlin: (raises his voice) NO! 😠 (To Rain, more sternly) Rain eat or no food for you!

Rain: (sturbornly shakes her head again)

Merlin: (furiously stands up and goes to Arthur) This is your fault! 😡

Arthur: Wha...Why? 😧

Merlin: You spoiled them too much! You think other chicks refused to eat if their parents don't bring their favourite bird? Or if you don't give them the part of the bird they want? NO! They eat what they are given! And they eat by theirselfs when they turn 3 weeks, but Rain doesn't want to eat by herself and it's because of you!

Arthur: (now angry too) What's the problem in them having taste?! 😡 If I'm perfectly capable of giving them what they want-

Merlin: Nature is not going to give them always what they want! 😡 Nature won't give Rain her bird in tiny little pieces and on a silver plate!

Chicks: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Morgana: Uhm... guys? 😥

Arthur: I know how nature is! But she won't live in nature tomorrow. She's a chick still. You're being too hard on her!

Merlin: I'm not! If she doesn't tear her own meat now, how will she learn how to hunt? How will she survive?

Arthur: You're talking like this will decide her future forever. It's just one meal!

Chicks: 😢😢😢😢😢

Morgana: Guys? 😰

Arthur: Maybe she's a slowlearner, didn't you think of that?

Merlin: If her brothers already can, then she can! She's just being a brat just like-

Arthur: Just like what? 😠

Merlin: Just like you! 😠

Chicks: (chirp crying) 😭😭😭😭😭

Morgana: (yells) Guys! 😡

Rain: No fight! No fight! 😭 (Pecks the dead bird) See? I eat, I eat! No fight, please! 🥺😭

Guardian: I feed sister in nature 🥺. No fight! 😭

Brave: I fight nature! Mama and Papa no fight! 😭

Blizzard: Nature make Mama and Papa fight! I hate nature! 😭

Wary: What is a nature? 😭

Arthur: (almost in panic) No! Babies, we are not fighting! (Kneels close to them to comfort them)

Merlin: (does the same, reassuring them) We are not fighting, I- (takes bird form so they can understand him better and flies to them) Mama and Papa are not fighting, we were just talking. I'm sorry, don't cry.

Gwen: (from the door, drops the vase with the flowers, mouth open in shock) 😨

Morgana: (turns to the sound, completely pale) Gwen?

Gwen: I... I'm sorry. I knocked, but nobody heard... and there was shouting and I was worried.

Arthur: (very serious, stands up infront of his family protectively) You saw.

Gwen: (too quickly) No! I mean, yes, but I won't tell anybody, I swear!

Morgana: There's no need for you to be afraid. Merlin has magic, but he's good.

Gwen: And is a man.

Morgana: Yeah, that too.

Gwen: And a bird.

Morgana: Sometimes.

Gwen: And has magic.

Morgana: I think we already established that.

Rain: (scared) Mama, what happen? 🥺

Guardian: Papa okay? 🥺 why Papa angry?

Merlin: Papa is not angry, just worried.

Guardian: Why? We in danger? 😧

Brave: A predator! 😨

Wary: Nooo! No predator! 😭

Blizzard: Where? 😠 I fight predator.

Merlin: (comforts them) No, there is no danger and there is no predator. Nothing will happen to you (thinking) I'm the one in trouble here. (chirps to the chicks, trying not to cry) I... I love you a lot, my chicks.

Arthur: Don't be dramatic, Merlin. Nothing will happen to you either. (aproaches Gwen, warnly) Guinevere if you dare-

Guard 1: (Enters sudenly) Sire! What happened?

Guard 2: (Enters too) We heard noises.

Blizzard: Predators! Attack! 😡 (lets a war chirp and goes to attack the guards)

Brave: Predators die! 😡 (goes to attack too)

Guardian: I protect brothers! 😡 (follows them)

Rain: (hides behind Merlin)😲

Wary: (hides behind Rain)🥺

Guards: (just look down how 3 chicks peck their boots furiously in silence) ...

Arthur: (holding back a laugh) Well, as you can see, my merlins can be sort of loud.

Guard 1: But, sire, we heard fighting and something breaking-

Gwen: That was me. Sorry, I was... clumsy and droped a vase. (points the broken vase on the floor)

Guard 2: I see. (turns to Arthur) We apologize for the intromission, sire.

Arthur: Don't. You were just doing your job. You're dismissed.

Guards: (bow) Sire. (close the door and leave)

Arthur: (lets a sigh of relief. To Gwen) Thank you.

Morgana: Yes, thank you so much, Gwen.

Gwen: (smiles) I told you I wouldn't tell anyone, didn't I? And it's not like my word would mean anything against the one of the prince and the king's ward anyway.

Guardian: (jumping happily) Predators leave! 😃

Brave: (jumpinp happily) We win! 😄

Blizzard: Come back! Fight! Die! 😡 (goes to the door)

Arthur: (picks Blizzard up before he gets to the door) Enough fight for you. (crouches and extends his free arm to Guardian and Brave) You up, there's glass on the floor.

Brave and Guardian: (jump to Arthur's arm)😊😊

Gwen: Uh... Can they... I mean, are they like-

Arthur: (laughs softly as he stands up again) No, just Merlin. They're common falcons. But Merlin and I adopted them as our own.

Gwen: As your own? (Looks at Merlin still on the floor with Rain and Wary) You mean you two are...

Arthur: Yep.

Gwen: Oh...

Morgana: (holds Gwen by the shoulders, gently) I know is a lot to take in. I have my own secrets as well. But everything in it's time. For now the only thing you must know is that magic is not what we were tought it was. Magic is not evil.

Gwen: Well I know Merlin isn't. He's been here for around a year and has done no harm. He even saved Arthur’s life once.

Merlin: (chirps) Much more than once, really. He'll be dead if it weren't for me.

Rain: Mama fight? 😧

Wary: Mama strong! 😊

Arthur: True. He protected me since then. I didn't know he was a man at the beginning either. Not even Merlin knew. It's a long story.

Gwen: Well, I would like to hear it, if you let me.

Morgana: (more than happy) Of course! We'll tell you everything.

Arthur: Or Merlin can tell you himself! Right, Merlin?

Merlin: (takes human form and goes to Gwen) Hi, I'm Merlin! It's nice to finally present myself properly 😊 (extends a hand)

Gwen: ...

Morgana: Gwen?

Gwen: (faints)

Morgana: (catches her before she hits the floor) Gwen! 😨

Arthur: Uh... Maybe it was too soon. 😅

Merlin: You think? 😒

Chicks: Mama kill predator! 😃😄😃😄😃

...

The chicks now:

Okay, I know up close they don't look so graceful. But look!

They are still so small! 🥺🤧

Also, what do you think about Merlin and Arthur’s parental methods?

[yuurei20]

Hello!! Sorry if this is a little something out of your wheelhouse but I keep seeing people say Yana said in a tweet that the Twst’s story will continue after the current main story arc. Do you know if she actually said it or have a link to that tweet? It feels like an urban legend and idk if I can believe it without seeing it for myself. Thanks if you get around to answering this and if not then have a good night/afternoon/morning!

Hello hello! Thank you for this question!

There has been no explicit statement released by Yana, Aniplex or anyone on the direction of the main story (that I have been able to find), which makes sense!

According to the interviews we have, plans/ideas/characters are changing all the time behind the scenes (sometimes long after development has begun), so someone saying "these are our plans for the future!" at any time would be very unwise. It is a volatile industry!

Proving that something has happened is much easier than proving something has not (which is likely why a lot of these rumors get so popular), but I can certainly share the things that we know have been said! ^^

I reviewed the two official interviews that Yana has given on Twst, one published in the Magical Archives game guide in 2020 and one posted to the Apple Store in 2023, and here are all the comments that might be meant to relate to future endeavors!

・"I wrote this story with the intention of developing mutual understandings through such clashes. So no matter where this story goes, it will never be about forgiveness or saving someone."

・"I would like to have raid battles where players fight together. The theme of the game is 'making problem children cooperate with each other,' so I feel that such an addition to the gameplay would allow us to better feel the growth of the characters."

・"I would also like to collaborate with other Disney productions. The characters in 'Twisted Wonderland' are also Disney characters, so I don't know if collaboration is the right word."

・"I would also like to continue to dress the characters up in gorgeous outfits. I have so many ideas for what kind of fashion I want them to wear, what kind of makeup I want them to try…there are so many things I want to do."

・"As long as villains are the basis for these characters, I think it is important that they never become overly good people."

・"However, I am sure that more and more events are going to be held in the future, so I am wondering if parallel and ‘if’ worlds are going to start appearing."

・"The text of the first book is 35,000 Japanese characters long but book 6 has over 250,000. Up until about book 3 users are still getting to know the characters, so we prioritized helping people come to understand the world of Twst and keeping things compact. After the game was released, however, it felt like people were reading much more deeply into the story than we had anticipated. So now I include much more information than was provided during those setup chapters."

・Going forward things are going to be on a much larger scale, incorporating not only the vertical and horizontal axes of the story but also expanding upon elements such as a present, past and future. Look forward to Book 7 (currently on chapter 2)!

・"We will continue to develop this game that emphasizes the spirit of villains that cannot be discouraged, and we hope that our users will continue to enjoy it.”

・"Thank you so much for playing Twisted Wonderland. We will continue to do our best to make this game into something that can add a little more fun and color to your daily lives."

I have seen fan-rumors before of maybe an RSA arc, or perhaps the 4th years being introduced, or even the current class graduating to welcome a new wave of 1st-year students, but they are all unproven theories ^^ Very fun to think about, but unofficial!

[iizzeee]

Guys, I am begging you. Please please please please please PLEASE do NOT vote 3rd party, or not vote at all.

I get it. I really do. Biden’s handling of Israel has been, not gonna mince words, dogshit. Abominable. Unspeakably bad.

But we cannot afford to protest like this.

We don’t need Biden as president. We do need to keep Trump out of office. And to those who respond “well, I don’t want just the lesser of two evils,” please, for the love of god, grow the fuck up.

For one, why wouldn’t you want the lesser of two evils. It is, by definition, LESS EVIL.

“Why can’t we just have no evil, why isn’t that an option.” I really wish it was. Just as much as you. But it’s not. These are our cards, and we have to play our hand to the best of our ability.

Which brings us to two.

Trump is more evil. Like, so much more evil. We’re comparing apples and oranges here guys.

I understand that a lot of you might doubt that. The largest demographic of people advocating for third party or non-votes are in the 18-26 range. New voters, with one or no elections under their belt.

So they don’t remember.

Most of us (I myself fall under this age range) don’t remember 2016. The election, that is. They don’t remember how so many people protested Hillary vs Trump by going 3rd party or writing in joke votes, because they saw the two as equally bad. And Trump won.

Half of us don’t remember the Trump presidency. We’ve heard he was a weird, bad, bigoted president, but don’t fully grasp the scope of how bad.

So off the top of my head, here are some highlights of real things Donald Trump did while he held office.

- threw toilet paper at hurricane victims like he was trying to shoot a 3-pointer

- fired the man investigating him for election fraud

- called African countries “shitholes”

- appointed members of the Supreme Court who would go on to overturn roe v wade

- stole classified documents from the white house to hide at his resort

- tried to instate a Muslim Ban

- incited a insurrection to try and keep himself in office, and maybe hang his VP if there was time

- looked directly at an eclipse. Like no glasses, full on.

- fueled covid conspiracies. Also told people to “drink bleach” to fight the virus

- withdrew us from the Paris Climate Accord

- cofefe. Remember that? What a fun, normal thing for the president to tweet at 2am.

- employed literal white supremacists

- called Nazi’s “very fine people”

- got endorsed by the KKK, and refused to condemn David Duke

And that’s just what I can remember right now.

So if you’re angry at Biden about Palestine, please please please do not think for a fucking second Trump would be better. He would almost certainly actively be worse. He would give Netanyahu the green light. If you think Biden has used a loose leash, at least it’s some kind of leash. Trump would be all in. Full chips, flying to the Middle East to send in the bombs himself.

If you’re still hesitant, consider this last plea.

Things are bad. These shouldn’t be the only two choice we have, but they are. You can’t look at the menu, which is offering either bland soup someone spit in or actual rat poison and go “could I have some steak”.

You can order the soup and live to write a one-star review on Yelp, maybe call health inspections on the restaurant or contact the owners and say “you guys know your menu has only two options and they’re both dogshit. If you don’t add more, you’ll be unemployed soon.”

Or you can order rat poison and die.

If we elect Donald Trump in the fall, we will be eating rat poison. He has repeatedly said himself to be in favor of a dictatorship. He quotes Hitler. If he is put in office, the change we all want and so critically need will not be fucking POSSIBLE. Because with Biden, it’ll be hard, and tedious, and long, and exhausting, but at least it will be goddamn possible.

So, come November, please don’t order the rat poison.

Please just eat your shitty ass soup so we can live to get really angry about it.

Please.

[rampantram]

I've been saving this but I can't take it anymore... your art is super cool!! I love the drawing style you have, especially the lines and expressions. Also the dynamic poses and interactions between characters, everything looks so cute but at the same time exciting to keep watching!! I would read a whole manga with your art in it :3

Curious question: what size are your drawings normally? I see that you draw in pencil and many times there is more than one drawing on a single canvas/sheet so I am curious to know approximately the size of your drawings

I hope you don’t mind me using your ask to say this, but…you guys have no idea how much your kindness and positivity has affected me since I started posting my CotL stuff.

I’ve had anxiety since I was a kid, and depression for almost a decade now, and most recently been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. I’ve had the most lows in my life over the past few years, and my consistency and drive to draw has suffered for it; at most, I’ve posted every other week, but mostly once every couple of months, and even longer than that until now. Being on medication has affected my motivation to draw, and I’ve been on short-term disability for over a month now, trying out new medications and feeling mostly miserable from the side effects.

Despite all that, I’ve wanted truly to finally be consistent with art, interact with people, try new things, and it’s helped so much to have so many people loving the things I’ve come up with. I haven’t been as consistent this last week, and spotty some weeks before that, but you’ve all been so patient despite that, which is part of the reason I want to give you some transparency and vulnerability on my part.

So I apologize if things continue to be a little less than organized or consistent, but I’m going to keep trying my best everyday, because I want to keep bringing you things you enjoy and want to interact with, so…thank you. 🥹

But getting to your question before I really start to tear up…this 9x12 sketchbook by Strathmore (specifically the recycled paper) is what I’ve been using for my sketches for a long while:

And it typically depends on how big or small I think each of the drawings should be, but I do try to keep them on one page if I can just for organizations’s sake.

Also if I know I need to post it from my phone, I try to make things easier for myself by putting things within proximity of each other with my phone’s camera in mind (not the whole page because it’ll be blurry, up and down since that’s easier for me to take a shot with, and so on).

If I’m gonna scan it, that makes things a bit easier, but I do try to condense them enough so I can try and avoid doing two scans of the same page and having to stitch them together (this one below just ended up taking the whole page, and since most scanners - my roommate’s included - usually only scan Letter or A4 size areas, those I end up having to scan on multiple parts and edit them together in Clip Studio Paint).

But of course, it all comes down to what feels right or works with your own method the best (as long as you achieve the outcome you wanted, the tools and method to get there don’t necessarily have to be the “best” or “right” way to do it).

I hope this helps, though, and that you have a brilliant day~✨

[k-s-morgan]

TGSTLTH related

Ok so I decided to do it here cuz I don't know will AO3 allow me to write essay hahahahah 😂😂😂

I don't even know how to start this. I've been reading fics for 13 years straight, like I don't remember the period of my life where I didn't read them cuz I always have some ship active and I'm crazy BL fan. Only a small number of them can make me crazy to the point I don't wanna sleep, eat, skipping my obligations, killing the pain and your sebaciel did everything. I haven't felt like this reading fic..,maybe ever? This is totally another level of me being fascinated by some writer.

I adore sebaciel, I'm in fandom since 2016 but the biggest problem I had with their fics is that - either people go too much OOC with them orr they rush up the things between them, going quickly with sex and feelings. It bothered me so much so I was crawling for good SC fics as crazy!!

After some break with SC, I came back to ao3 and saw your long fic. I started reading it but I dropped it after 3 chapters, I got bored cuz I thought you are gonna just re-type manga and do classic thing which another people do. Quickly, I got disappointed with another one and idk how but I decided to give your fic one more chance and dear lord......that was one of the best thing I have ever read. Maybe even the best.

Like, how smart are you? What's your IQ? Your manage to explain me some things about Kuro plot which I haven't udnerstand by myself. And the way you write Sebaciel relationship. That's everything I have ever wanted. Everything. They have normal conversation and that's it, that's all I need cuz there is everything. I feel electric every time when they talk, fight, do things together, goood the little touches svbjhsdjvbvbvbvbvbsdjvhbdf. I was tense whole fic. I read it for like 10 days, abandon everything until I finished it and now I feel sad ahahhaahha. But you are really something special, cuz I always used to say that manga itself is the best fiction cuz Yana knows the best how to create good Sebaciel energy. You, next to Yana, did the best job. You kept them as they are, never broke the character, and that's what I am most grateful. Slow burn, with drama and angst, love and attention, all misunderstanding, you put all necessary spices for 5 star meal. My fav part is when Ciel told Sebastian to add slamming doors to his most dramatic moments of his life ahahahahahahhaha 😂😂 I laughed like crazy, they are so precious♥ And I really wanted kiss to happen when Ciel lied Sebastian about another demon, that was sooo svbjhsvjhjhvbdf. But okay, you know the best, I trust you fully with this♥

The fact that they are ready to kill each other before they have normal conversation about their feeling is my fetish. I am in love with toxic things. Ciel ready to throw all game just to prove Sebastian that his value is not only his soul, right after he told himself for 1000 times he needs to stay on distance..... I LOVE ITTTT!!! I also need to say that you find PERFECT balance for good plot and romance. Your games and their cases...I just don't know, deep bow for you queen🔥💯After all, you didn't retype drama ahahaha but you manage to keep it canon without changing anything but still adding your spices so it's not ordinary Kuro plot we see every day....

I just have one question. From time to time, I was like a Bard ahahhaha, so sick of their games and my head hurting me, but on a good way. I am clear about Ciel but what about Sebastian and his disgust for Ciel's nicer, soft, emotional side? I know Ciel doesn't have it a lot, but would Sebastian still be grossed out about it as he was at the beginning of a contract or not? Keeping in mind that he is more and more obsessed with a boy?

So, that's all. I don't know how to use Patreon/PayPal, but for you I'll try cuz I only have credit card and that's all I know ahhahaha, I like to keep money in my hands😂 I'm sad about the situation in your country and all under - war countries. It's not bringing any good for anyone, specially for civilians. I hope you are okay and I wish you alll the best, the good karma must hit you really quickly cuz you made one person really, really happy here♥

Looking forward how will you finish this story, have a nice day❤

PS - this is the longest comment for fic I have ever left ahhaha, it's crazy how you got me sooo hyped up bjcvsdghvbds.

Hi! Ooh, thank you so much for your amazing, wonderful essay! I can't tell you how happy it made me! I think the electricity was already started being cut off when I got it, so I could see I have some really lengthy ask, but it wouldn't load. It was the torture of the most delicious kind :D

Like you, I've been reading fics for ages now, and the moments where I find some fantastic story that won't let me sleep or work or even blink are always the happiest and the brightest spots I remember. So it's extremely flattering to know that my story has become something similar to other people.

I love writing about smart characters, but most of them are definitely smarter than me! The benefit is that since I'm writing, I can think and plan everything in advance. In real life, I only wish I were as quick-witted and inventive. Alas, the best ideas and arguments come to me when they are no longer needed.

I love slow burns, and I love characters who abhor the idea of expressing their feelings, so Ciel and Sebastian have the most perfect dynamic in my eyes. I feel like I could spend the eternity just enjoying their Gothic world with their games, arguments, plots, and so on. Them antagonizing each other only to instantly team up against the common enemy is my most favorite thing in the world.

As for your question, right now, Sebastian would be thrilled if Ciel were to show a softer and more vulnerable side - at least in relation to him. Well, a part of him would feel the automatic need to mock him for it anyway, some habits don't die easily, but Sebastian's feelings have evolved a lot, plus Ciel is cold more often than he is not. So Sebastian treasures every word of praise, every hint of appreciation and need because they are so rare - he's come to crave them, and he has memorized all known cases of them by heart.

And no worries about supporting me! I really appreciate you taking your time to leave such a fantastic review, it made my day!

[trans-androgyne]

hey, thank you for having and running this blog. you're doing the equivalent of gods work.

first, i'm sorry for the amounts of jerk anons you have to deal with. you literally articulate yourself very well and clearly, and still, people will find a way to twist it or not take it seriously. it reminds me of me "arguing" with terfs back in 2022 on twitter. (shudders.)

and second, how do you deal with the constant negativity? i have found myself doomscrolling the transandrophobia tag, and, well, to no ones surprise, my mental health is down the gutter. do you have any tips to deal with it? mainly with the transandrophobia in general? it is more than exhausting existing as a (gnc & enby) trans guy atm, and it's really getting to me. the thing is, I wouldn't mind it if it were non-queer bigots, but the fact it's coming from inside the community is devastating. i am more than hurt. this intense hatred for men and masculinity, queer, trans, or not, is incomprehensible to me. it never does anything good. anyone who says "i hate all men and anything masculine" is definitely going in the "yep that's either a radfem or a radfem hatchling" box. i partially understand as to why- i had a fear of men myself when i still identified as a girl, and slipped into the "all men bad. kill" side of the internet for a short while but ONLY because of this rhetoric ("you need to be afraid because there are men outside." , "men and masculinity are inherently predatory or dangerous")- but i got out of it because i saw how fucked it was eventually (thank goodness)- but nothing should ever be an excuse to excessively hate a gender or masculinity this badly. and its mostly gender essentialist bs anyways imo, so i do not understand it at all...it reminds me of people saying men/mascs cant be asexual because it's "in their nature to be sexual"- because testosterone. its hard. i just wish we all could respect each other. you're either "one of the bad bad evil men" or "noooooo not YOU. you're AFAB!! never!! youre a girl/woman in spirit!!" from my personal experience with terfs/radfems/idiots.

anyways, sorry for invading your anon space with this long rant, but i just wanted to leave this and the question. i hope you have a nice day/night, and thank you for reporting on transandrophobia as much as you do. it's sadly very much needed right now.

Thank you so much, this is such a kind ask to receive. To be honest with you: I don’t handle my mental health very well around it </3 It’s weighed on me pretty heavily these last few months especially. The things keeping me running this blog anyway are my passion for the transmasc community and lovely anons like yourself cheering me up. When it comes to trying to manage it, the most important thing for me has been finding people I can vent to about it who will understand. I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful discord server full of awesome trans people who will talk it through with me, and that’s been a life-saver. Staying offline for a bit and trying to engage in person with people who are unlikely to be transandrophobic towards you can be a nice relief. I catch myself doomscrolling constantly too, and it doesn’t feel great. If you need to set some sort of time limit on your phone even just to remind yourself not to do it, that’s helped me before and might help you too.

Having this much hatred levied at me for my identity from my own community lately has been devastating. I completely understand you. I’ve always been vocal about supporting transfems in particular, so it really hurts to see so many turn against me for speaking up. I understand how the queer community got this way, though. Antimasculinism has been an issue in queer and feminist spaces for ages. I think people are starting to notice it more and understand why it sucks and how much it negatively affects trans men and mascs. It feels like a losing battle sometimes with how much cultural feminism — the Men Bad Women Good flavor of pop feminism — has pervaded our communities and often led to very overt radical feminism that people still can’t always recognize because they don’t know anything about TERFs outside of them hating trans women. I believe the culture will start to shift soon such that people are able to recognize sexism and gender essentialism that harms all genders, and I will be doing my part to help that happen.

[k1ssoflove]

~My 51 Day Challenge~

Duration: May 31 - July 21

RULES

Hygeine. Do skincare routine daily, 2x a day. Brush teeth daily 2x a day. Take a cold or lukewarm shower every day. Use a face mask once or twice a week. Dry brush body 2 times a week. Take good care of hair. Use teeth whitening strips every 2 weeks.

Education. Study each subject for 40 minutes to an hour. Read 2x a day for 40 minutes to an hour. After studying do practice questions on the subject.

Fitness. Workout 5 times a week (I will be following Chloe Tings 2024 weight loss & Summer shred programs)

Eating Healthier. Eat 3 balanced meals a day. Little to no snacking. Calorie deficit. Drink lots of water and tea. Eat healthier alternatives to cravings. Avoid sugary, salty, and oily foods. Fast for 12 hours overnight.

Mindset. Have a good and healthy mindset. During these 51 days have a “Its all about me. I am the main character of my life.” Don’t care about what anyone says or thinks about you. Be selfish with yourself. Be confident. Journal 2x a day. Meditate. Watch TheWizardLiz and other creators like her.

Sleep Schedules. Sleep early and wake up early. Prioritize getting lots of sleep. Sleep well so that you can get up immediately in the morning without feeling fatigue.

Hobbies. Try new or practice some hobbies that interest you. During this time I will practice my dancing and singing skills.

Social Media Detox. Get away from social media. Set a screen time. Deactivate certain accounts, or only go online to post and then get off. Only watch stuff that brings you happiness instead of negativity, same with music.

Rewards. Reward yourself every so often because you deserve it! During this challenge every fortnight I will reward myself with a cheat meal.

[hell-drabbles]

Mock-up Card 1

Basically it's just an L Card with the Embittered Companion and Lucifer working together because my brain is stuck on that for some reason? It's weird. Anyways, when you activate the Ultimate Skill of this card, you switch to either Lucifer or the Embittered Companion. A sort of, two-in-one card. Embittered Companion is all about dealing damage while Lucifer is all about healing. There's a boost to their ATK for a good while after switching. Don't ask about the numbers, I didn't think of them at aaaall.

Also I don't have it in me to write prose right now, so here be lines!!!

[First Encounter]

YOU: Hey. It's been how many years? You know, since I last took up a weapon to chase people away? It's pretty nostalgic, honestly. LUCIFER: …are you already forgetting what you promised us? YOU: I'm not gonna charge in head first, you two. Get off my ass.

[Level Up]

YOU: What I lack… LUCIFER: I'll make up.

[Evolve]

YOU: It would be nice, to have less lives lost. LUCIFER: But all we can do is continue on, until the very end.

[Ultimate Skill 1]

YOU: Go ahead and take a nap, Lucifer.

[Ultimate Skill 2]

LUCIFER: Sit. Rest. You're bleeding.

[Upon Death]

YOU: I'm still shit at keeping promises huh? LUCIFER: It's not your fault. Let's go.

[Victory 1]

YOU: Glad to see you've been focusing on the task at hand, Ra-on. Well, battle's over, so you can do whatever the hell you want.

[Victory 2]

LUCIFER: This is something to celebrate about, isn't it? …yes, you'll be invited to the party.

[Defeat]

LUCIFER: A mortal body such as their's does not deserve to have injuries like this. Keep quiet, they'll wake up. I know they will.

[Lobby Interaction 1]

YOU: It's kind of funny to me that, after all that, my normal body hasn't really changed one bit. Still the same strength, still the same weaknesses. LUCIFER: It doesn't make it any less remarkable to me. YOU: So you and Ra-on say. Well, I've been in this body longer than anyone, so I wouldn't know what to be impressed by. Everything about this body is just uninteresting to me. Doesn't make me any less happy that I'm back in it, though.

[Lobby Interaction 2]

YOU: Hmm? What are you staring at us for, Ra-on? We that good of a sight? …happy, huh? Yeah, I suppose Lucifer and I make each other pretty happy. Don't discount yourself though, buddy. Wouldn't be in the place that I am without your help.

[Lobby Interaction 3]

LUCIFER: Your hands. Let me see them. YOU: Huh? Alright, but why? LUCIFER: Ra-on told me you forgot about your blisters. YOU: Oh. Oh! No, yeah I did forget. Whoops. But hey, at least I'm wearing gloves this time around, so they're not that bad. None of them popped, so they should heal nicely.

[Lobby Interaction 4]

LUCIFER: If you wanted to destroy Heaven, would you? I wouldn't blame you if you answered 'yes.' YOU: …maybe a younger, more freshly wounded version of myself would've said yes, but as I am now, no. The fate of Heaven is not mine to control. I can only control the distance between me and that place. Besides, I'll hold onto hope that the angels will eventually weed out that sickening need to be superior.

[Lobby Interaction 5]

LUCIFER: Shh. They haven't rested well last night. Whatever it is you want to ask, save it for later. Hmm? Mm. Yes, they're… still haunted by everything. Not even in sleep can they be allowed to escape. A curse that not even my powers can relieve.

[Lobby Interaction 6]

YOU: You know, I haven't heard the name Solomon in a while. Did you finally put your foot while I was away, Ra-on?

[Lobby Interaction 7]

YOU: Another angel almost snatched me up today. Even in this human form they hate so much, they still want to whisk me up right back to that suffocating cradle. Thanks for the warning by the way. LUCIFER: While we were all once siblings connected through our love for God, I won't allow them to repeat that torture. If I must make my words absolute, then I will.

[Lobby Interaction 8]

LUCIFER: Have you adjusted yet? YOU: To what? LUCIFER: To your lack of extra limbs. To that body of yours. Is there any pain? Any noises that want to invade your eyes and ears? YOU: …There's nothing. Sometimes I'll feel like I'm missing something, but it's all blissfully silent.

[Lobby Interaction 9]

LUCIFER: Do you have no intention of staying here? YOU: I have no intention of ever forgetting you, Lucifer. But, I can't stay here. This is not my home. Our home, is right where Minhyeok is. Where our beloved earth is. Hell is nice, but I'm pretty sure Ra-on and I miss the comfort of our home's air.

[Lobby Interaction 10]

YOU: Lucifer? LUCIFER: Yes? YOU: If, one day, I decide to visit, would you welcome me? LUCIFER: …always. A small visit, or a promise to dedicate our existences to one another, I'll welcome it all the same.

[coquettebratzdoll]

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

Okay a while ago I made this post talking abt how I haven't shifted yet bc I'm lazy, and while the sentiment holds true, I made some advancements is my beliefs. I've come to the realisation that I wasn't lazy, I just lacked some things 😭😭. Since many of you guys seemed to relate to my struggle, I'll go over what I found to be lacking and how I am fixing it:

1. Persistence - I just wasn't persisting in the fact that I am a master shifter. Some days I believed, only to give up a few hours later. I let the 3d tell me stuff that was literally not true. Like okay not you tryna be relevant gtfo 💀💀

2. Direction - I had no clear goal in mind. Like ofc I wanted to shift, but I was switching up on myself every half hour. First, I want to shift by xyz date, but then I change my mind and say that I'll shift tonight. So by the time night actually came around, I would just say one aff then give up on myself.

3. Mindset - talking abt giving up on myself, my mindset is all over the place rn. I don't hate myself (far from it), but I do not believe in myself. It's even crazier cus I KNOW I can shift, and I HAVE SHIFTED multiple times to realities like this one 😭😭. Ik that it has to be real, but I am limiting myself by believing that I personally can't shift (or don't deserve to). I know that it is possible to shift with doubts, but if you don't believe in yourself, where will that get you.

4. Methods - there are a plethora of methods that I can choose from to aid my shifting, but I just don't resonate with the traditional methods of shifting. I know that you don't need a method to shift, but I wish someone told me sooner how little methods actually matter. Lemme be honest, I've never been a Type A planner person. Steps and instructions aren't my strong suite. I prefer to be 'lazy' and just go with the flow.

So now that I listed my problems, here are my solutions !!

For persistence, I'm just gonna shut my ass up and do it 💀💀. Like ik 4d is the only reality that matters, so imma continue to hold true in that assumption.

As for direction, imma focus on one dr for now. I'll also gaslight myself so badly yall just wait 😭🙏

Mindset is gonna be the most exposing one lmao. Imma do some shadow work to find the root cause of the problem and deal with it from the source.

For methods, imma use the law of assumption to my benefit. I alr apply it to everything else, so why not shifting ? I'll also add on lucid dreams cus they're fun 💀💀

Overall, this really made me think harder about why I am so 'lazy' when it comes to shifting and inspired me to do something about it. I hope you do the same :)