#it's okay guys he's coping with his emotions pretty well (<- lying)

[boar-sjn]

never could get the face quite right. ( bitterness sure is a hateful thing. )

( 1 , 2 , 3 )

[aroacesofspades]

alright gang time for bsd 123 !!

as always idk Anything as I liveblog so strap in dawg

manga spoilers beneath the cut

no author's comment okay asagiri i see how it is🤭

my boy is going thru approximately 2493098 emotions and all in all he is handling them pretty well👍

oh???? OH??!?!?? IS THIS WHAT YALL HAVE BEEN SCREAMING OVER OH MY FUCKING GOD OH MY BOY MY LOVELY BOYYY ARGHHHH

how does it feel to be transformed so spectacularly that ur entire self, ur entire way of living changes into something you haven't experienced in years. i've ascended oh my LORDDDD.

theres MORE???????

EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP NOTHING ELSE MATTERS NOW. BSD HAS PEAKED THANK U. i can't believe this arghrhhgh sskk montage in the big 25?? i'm ECSTATIC

no fr sskk shippers and aku lovers r being FED for the past 6 months and yet for the first time i am genuinely giddy rn😭

guys the shard of connection between dazai, atsushi and akutagawa is eating away at me, NEEDS to be examined.

can i just say. his relationship with dazai, where he had idolized him and festered something completely dependant on dazai's response to him.

vs. (or really it never clashes, more like, through his recognition of a world larger than dazai, he loses more and more of his hold on akutagawa)

aku's relationship with atsushi, where he rages at dazai's remarks about him and yet continues to seep in the light he (atsushi) brings IN RESPONSE TO DAZAI

like. akutagawa, who has come to understand strength as something earnt, where strength = purpose. as we are shown with his entire 'mad dog' persona, which, ultimately becomes his way of living. then atsushi comes along, blah blah blah, we've heard this beforee, challenging his position means challenging his purpose, his life. but through a disturbance of the curtains, there is a sliver of light. likeeeeeee. FUCK. my point being, the shell is cracking, and akutagawa's first death (hurry up and go, you fool; like shut up?? /j) is the catalyst where the shell splits open.

yes, now. take this and put it thru half a dozen regenerations which PHYSICALLY (and mentally) shake up his being. he is left with a sponge of a mind which takes in Everything he has known but shunned. yet it's akutagawa so of course the screaming elephant in the back of his mind is the fact that he is no longer looking for dazai in everything he does. and without his other pains, the failure to please dazai... his deteriorating lungs.... his anger as a coping mechanism, through clear eyes (literally) he can see himself in the light (with atsushi). id like to this is literally IS him thinking for himself for once. instead of doing something for the sake of the mafia/dazai or in the process of justifying his worldview.

this, my friends, is MY catalyst and i am abt to go batshit insane because of an anime twink🙏

it is just so interesting to me how bsd makes a trend of another charact acting as a symbol of enlightenment (or general character progression) within the confines of someone's mind (form few recent chapters: the director/dazai for atsushi, atsushi for aku, etc)

oh.

It is SO FUNNY to me that i spent a good 20 minutes ranting about the panel above only to be HIT by this like. inside me r two wolves. one calls him gay, the other also says this is gay but also him stripping himself of his attachment to dazai and that makes my head spin👍

NEW CHARACTER‼️i can't Wait to see what he will bring hehee

(side note: he is fine as fuck yall weren't lying and for that alone i feel betrayed😞)

now i need to read up on ueda akinari👀

[stariez-artz]

⚠️!!TRAUMA POST!!⚠️

TW: S/A, neglect, mommy issues, trust issues, etc.

(This is really just my last resort to getting all this shit off my chest. Also this will mention my deadname so yeah)

So when I was 8, my mom met this guy named Josh, he was okay. He tried to be like the dad I wish I could’ve had, but one night, he snuck into my room and locked my door. Then he told me I was dreaming and for me to put my face in my pillow, so I did, then I felt my pants going down and something rubbing against my… “tunnel.” I asked him what he was doing and he told me not to worry about it and to keep my face in my pillow, or he’d make me keep it there. I got scared and put my head back in my pillow and he put his hand on my back, gripping my pajamas. After what I could only assume was half an hour or so, he left. I told my mom about it but she didn’t believe me, not only that, but she guilt tripped me into talking about it with him. He started crying and saying stuff like “I’d never do such a thing” and “I see you as my own daughter, Emery” and so on and so forth. My grandma and aunt Lys believed me though, so I’m grateful for that.

The S/A went on for four years (it stopped when I was 11) the last time he did it was when his 5 year old son was visiting. He had him stay in my room while he took me to his and my mom’s room, sitting me in his gaming chair and wrapping my mom’s bandanna around my eyes, he told me we were gonna do a taste testing thing, he said he didn’t have a spoon though so he’d have to use his finger. He told me to get all the peanut butter or whatever it was on his finger off it. It was normal til the last time, he put, what I can only assume, was his dick in my mouth which obviously caused me to choke and pull away. I went to take the bandanna off and he told me to wait, I heard a zipper and then he said I could take it off. He asked if I was okay and I started crying a little and asking “What was that-?” He reassured me that it was just his finger (but I didn’t feel any nail SIR.😒) A few weeks later and he was put in jail for selling edibles at home or something.

After he was put in jail my mom was like “Well, now I hope you’re happy. Now your brother doesn’t have a dad to look up to! Does that seem fair to you, Emery?” As if all he did wasn’t just leaving my little brother in my room to watch TV and leaving me to take care of him while he just sat in his room playing video games. My mom has been a big fear of mine since I was 6, she has rarely been a good mother to me , or to anyone for that matter. Because the moment I was born, she left me to be my grandparents responsibility just so she didn’t have to worry about me. Even now she still expects my trauma to have just *POOF* vanished! As if that’s how it works.

And just a couple hours ago, her and ex boyfriend number 13 (yes, I keep count) got into a pretty heated argument and broke up. And because I’m emotional and a fucking crybaby, I obviously started crying in my closet, so I called my best friend and drew some quote art. But seriously, trauma doesn’t just resolve itself if the problem is away from the victim/victims. It takes time and effort to help the person get better and find a good coping mechanism for it (like therapy, drawing, writing, crocheting, writing, reading, etc.).

If any of you, a friend or a family member have gone through S/A or anything like that I am so, so, so sorry that happened and I hope you’re healing well.

[fyodior]

Okay hello again i just remembered i made this concept :((

Osamu with a a ghost reader he meets at the cemetery Odasaku's at.

Like one day there just happens to be a new grave and poof, suddenly this ghost wont leave him alone. Like they will CLING onto dazai, even if their body is like really fucking cold and uncomfortable. And dazai, kinda enjoys.

Like cmon we know much dazai has a hard time connecting with people emotional hecantreallydoitoften..

So like imagine ghost!reader sitting on his lap while they rant about whatever topic they have a slight interest in, and they're like talking as if Oda is there with him and like,"people are so reckless i hate how some people just release bunnies and chicks they buy as "gifts" for easter into the wild, its just irresponsible, right Oda?" And theyd be nodding and continuing, and jt just warms Dazais heart.

I imagine ghost!reader to be very optimistic qnd childesh to make the pain of spending all of eternity as a being cursed to roam death.

But one day they just break, and Dazai'a there to catch them.

Dazai comforts them and does whatever they can to help ghost!reader feel a lottle better.

Also it can he totally platonic too??? Or a little like dazai sort kf feels like a guardian to them..? Okay sorry the daddy issues cane out.

I love how my irl coping mechanism is hyperindependence and as soon as bsd men come im like "mmm princess treatment give"

Anway, i really need a hug from the zaza 😔

🪴

this is so cute and unique i love this concept 🥺🥺🥺 the sitting on his lap while they talk to oda im gonna cry fkjdskdjkdsl dazai trying to join in the coversation that he can obvi only hear one side of and reader just rolling their eyes and laughing with oda because dazai "just doesn't get it." i like to imagine dazai comes by and tells reader all these stories from the agency and just his general life bc they basically just live vicariously through him and they love to hear and remember what it's like to be alive. he'll also tell them all about what oda was like in the past and lots of memories they share, and reader being like "oh yeah oda already told me that one. he said you'd end up lying abt that" or something dflkkjdfkjl they're sooo clingy to him even tho like you said it's probably cold and an uncomfortable feeling for dazai and he would wear extra layers but reader has complained they don't feel as close to him that way, and they really miss human contact. and dazai is too endeared to say no to them, so he just holds them and kisses their cheek. i think this would be really cute as a platonic thing 🥺 it probably starts out at first as just a way for him to have a connection with oda, but he starts forming a genuine individual connection with reader. dazai is a pretty nihilistic/pessimistic guy so he probably would have a weird approach of comforting them, but it works well. he'll joke about how he's jealous of them for being dead, and promises that he'll make sure he's buried next to the two of them so they'll be together even in his death. and who knows maybe it does turn into something a little romantic, but idk how that would work askdjjfdk storytime: my lover is a ghost

[myherowritings]

Maybe It’s Fate

— After discovering the mememate you fell in love with was your ex-boyfriend who broke your heart, you find yourself alone in a bar with a dead phone in a poor attempt to cope. The person who helps you at 3 a.m. is the last person you want to see.

pairing: shinsou hitoshi x f!reader word count: 10,531 genre: modern au, social media au

a/n: hihi welcome to part 25 of toya ! ;) the smau is rated 17+ so keep that in mind because it applies to this part too. it’s a bit thicc so i hope it’s able to keep your attention! skksffsd plspls chat with me and let me know what u think once u read! i’m looking forward to the convos ^-^ [edit: THIS IS NOT THE FINAL PART LOLOL]

Of all the dumb decisions you’ve made in your life, this by far had to be the dumbest of them all.

You were angry and hurt and wanted nothing more than to drown your feelings with overplayed EDM music and cheap booze that reminded you too much of the trash college parties you used to frequent. And while going out to get drunk was no where near your stupidest decision, going out alone with the full intention of returning home with someone else was. 

“Is everything okay?” you heard an unfamiliar voice beside you call.

Wishing you had brought more than an empty can of pepper spray, you cautiously turned to face him. You wanted to call a cab or take the train home, but you knew walking alone in the streets in your current condition might just be more stupid than staying at the club. Besides, your phone died right after you sent Kaminari your location. 

In other words-- You were truly fucked.

Not that you would let anyone know that, of course.

“Everything’s just fine,” you replied, trying to sound polite but disinterested. “Thanks.” 

He kept his distance but sat down at the barstool next to you. “Are you sure? You’re a pretty lady alone at the bar and you’re staring at your drink like it just insulted your favorite grandmother.” 

Immediately, the tears of stress and frustration flooded your eyes but you kept them from falling. Your bottom lip quivered and you blamed all the alcohol in your system for your seemingly uncontrollable emotions.

 “Am I that transparent?” You sniffled, downing the rest of your drink as you turned towards him.

“Ah-- Wait!” he cried with wide eyes, waving his hands in front of him as you chugged what was in your glass. “Are you sure you should keep drinking? Where are your friends?”

You studied him curiously. He seemed nice and trustworthy, but you couldn’t help but be skeptical of his intentions.

“They’re...around,” you answered, unwilling to admit you were here alone to a random stranger. “And I’m okay! Just here hating men, but what’s new?” 

He nodded solemnly. “Understandable. Men suck. Carry on.”

That earned a grin from you.

As the last gulp of vodka settled in your stomach and made its way to your head, you instinctively checked your phone in your pocket only to find it still dead. 

Damn. And here you were hoping it would’ve miraculously charged through sheer willpower. 

Drumming your fingertips against the empty glass, you let your gaze roam around the perimeter of the nightclub, blinking furiously in confusion when you thought you had spotted a head of all-too-familiar purple hair near the entrance.

“What the…” you trailed off. You could have sworn you just saw Shinsou, but the next second you opened your eyes, he was gone.

Great, you thought to yourself miserably. First he snuck his way into your heart and now you were imagining his presence too? 

“You’re really had too much to drink, haven’t you, Y/N?” you chided yourself, head spinning as you instantly regretted the last few gulps.

The guy next to you glanced over in concern, drinking a glass of what you assumed to be respect women juice. 

“Can I order you some water?” he fretted. “Or maybe a cab?” 

You shook your head to decline but stopped abruptly when your temples started to throb at the sudden motion. 

“S’okay,” you slurred. “I just thought I saw--” 

“Y/N!” 

You froze in your seat.

That voice… It was faint and almost like it wasn’t real, but you knew that voice. 

There was no way. 

“Good grief, I’m losing it now, huh?” you asked your bar acquaintance with furrowed brows. 

He shrugged, not knowing how to reply.

“Y/N, thank god,” the voice said frantically, sounding closer this time. “You’re safe!”

Ever so slowly, you turned around in your seat, eyes squeezed shut.

Even hearing his voice amidst the blaring of music was enough to make your heart twist in pain. It was the same deep timbre you remembered from high school and you haven’t heard it since then. You hated just how much you had missed the familiar sound. It was like a hug of comfort telling you everything was okay and a stab in the gut all at once.

“Y/N,” he said again, almost a whisper this time.

You finally found the courage to open your eyes, but refused to meet his gaze. Instead, you developed a deep interest in the laces of his shoes, reluctant to look up. 

“Shinsou…” The name left a bitter taste on your tongue and you wished you had another drink to wash it down with. Your voice hardened. “What are you doing here?” 

He winced at your harsh tone but stood unrelenting. “Your friends are worried sick about you. Kaminari was so concerned he even messaged me-- Something I imagine he never wanted to do.”

Your lower lip jutted out in guilt as your stare stayed set on the intricacies of the tiled flooring. 

“Why have you not checked your phone?” asked Shinsou in exasperation. “Kaminari was trying to tell you I was going to pick you up.” 

“I’m sorry,” you said softly. “My phone died after I sent Denki my location.”

“Died? Did you not charge it before you left? Y/N how could you be so irresponsible--!” 

“Is everything okay here?” your unnamed acquaintance said from his seat on the bar. He glanced carefully between you and Hitoshi. 

You nodded, sparing him a wry smile. “I’m fine. Thank you, though.” 

Shinsou bit the inside of his cheek as he eyed the stranger who sat next to you. “Who’s this?” 

“None of your damn business.” 

Annoyed by Shinsou’s chiding, you bristled when he frowned at you. He had no right to sound concerned or jealous-- No right to pretend he cared!

Not when he did what he did.

“I know I was being stupid and I’ll call my friends when I get home,” you said, not bothering to hide your irritation. “But you can’t just come here and talk to me like everything is normal! Why are you even here?” 

Pushing yourself out of your chair, you stood up and finally looked Hitoshi in the eye, glaring at him. You wobbled on your own two feet and felt the goosebumps on your bare thighs and arms, briefly wishing you had brought a coat with you.

Great, another thing Toshi can call you irresponsible for, you thought crossly, a mixture of hurt and anger in your face as you stared up at him. 

“Why are you here?” you repeated as you paced away from the bar--turning back only to give your bar friend a wave goodbye that he returned with a confused look. You headed for the exist of the nightclub as briskly as your legs could carry you in your uncomfortable heels. “How did you know where to find me?” 

Shinsou trailed not too far behind you and you begrudgingly admitted to yourself that you felt a warmth near your back from his presence. “Kaminari told me you were alone at a nightclub and this one happened to be only ten minutes from my house.”

You pouted. Small fucking world. Fate must’ve been getting a kick out of this.

“Your friends were worried-- So was I.” You rolled your eyes, but he continued. “And since I was the closest to this place I offered to pick you up.”

Reaching the side doors, you stopped by the stone wall of the building and squinted at him. “You offered and they just let you?”

That did not sound like the friends you knew. You were expecting a full Shinsou beat down from Bakugou alone. 

Hitoshi scratched the back of his neck and, in your tipsy stupor, you felt comforted by the familiar habit of his. You swallowed, balling your hands into fists to snap your mind out of it.

It shouldn’t matter how many memories of the past were flooding you-- You were mad at him for lying and you had every right to be.

“Maybe offered is too loose of a word,” he admitted after a moment’s silence, having the decency to appear sheepish. “But we were worried and I knew I could get to you in half the time any of your friends could.”

Sure, it was a logical reason. But that didn’t mean you had to like it. “I would rather have waited double the time if that meant I didn’t have to see you again.” 

You stared Hitoshi straight in the eyes as you said that as you tried to ignore the trembling of your lower lip. He flinched at the words, looking hurt. But another part of him looked like he accepted it. 

“I know I’m the last person you want to see right now--”

“Mhmm,” you hummed just to be petty.

“--but we had no way of knowing if you were safe. Especially when you stopped replying to anyone! This was the quickest way.” 

Folding your arms across your chest you stubbornly held his gaze. “Well, I’m safe. So you can leave now.” 

Shinsou pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Please. I know you hate me and you have every right to--”

“I don’t hate you,” you muttered under your breath. As much as you wish you did, you don’t think you could ever really hate him.

He blinked slowly and you could have sworn you saw a shimmer of hope in his expression. You tore your gaze away, studying the small fissures and cracks on the otherwise smooth pavement. 

“Oh,” he breathed almost imperceptibly. “Thank you.” 

You pretended not to hear him.

“Regardless of whether you hate me or not, I know you don’t want to see me--and I apologize for showing up so suddenly--but will you please let me bring you home safely?” Hitoshi pleaded. “Or to your friend’s house if you don’t want to be alone.”

With your lips squeezed shut, you rubbed the goosebumps off your upper arm. It was cold and your head was spinning and you had no clue what to say to him. 

Silently, Shinsou took off his outer coat and gently draped it over your shoulders, fastening the top button near the collar so it wouldn’t fall off your frame. You looked at him in surprise, unshed tears stinging the back of your eyes as you recalled all the times he’d given you his jacket while you were dating.

There were more times that you cared to admit where you conveniently “forgot” your jacket or wore too little layers on a cold day just so Hitoshi could give you his and you’d be enveloped in his scent.

And that’s exactly what was happening now. Shinsou’s coat surrounded your body like a warm hug and your nose was filled with a scent exactly like the one you remembered from when you were dating. He smelled like a sweet sandalwood with a mixture of fresh jasmine. He smelled like a field of flowers you’d find after a long trek through a woodsy forest. He smelled like home.

But he wasn’t.

In actuality, you haven’t been this close to Shinsou since your break up.

It had been years since you had seen him or talked to him or even been close enough to catch a trace of his scent. And now he was flooding every one of your senses with no care of the repercussions.

Your head was light.

You missed him. You cared for him. You never stopped loving him.

And now old wounds that never fully healed had been ripped open all at once.

“You were shivering,” Hitoshi stated quietly. “So I gave you my--”

He stopped short when he heard a sniffle coming from your direction, eyes growing wide as your buried your face in the palms of your shaking hands.

Through the cracks between your fingers, you saw Shinsou reach out to cup your face, stopping himself before he could touch you and withdrawing as if he had been burned. As stupid as it was, you wanted nothing more than to feel his touch against your skin and you found yourself involuntarily taking a half-step closer to him.

Your silent tears feel even faster. 

“Are you crying?”

Despite the droplets of water blurring your eyes, you managed to glare up at him for his dumb question. 

He grimaced. “Sorry. I’m...sorry.” 

Although you were the one crying, you still noticed the pained look on Shinsou’s face. He seemed just as conflicted as you were, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands so hard his knuckles appeared white. 

When he opened his mouth to speak his voice sounded choked, but still gentle. “Are you okay, Y/N?” 

“Just peachy,” you murmured, barely moving your lips. The two of you stood there in awkward silence, nothing but the sounds of your labored breaths filling the air until you blurted, “Actually, you know what--? No. I’m not!”

Shinsou opened his mouth to speak but no noise came out. That was just fine by you, though. You had plenty of things you wanted to say, regardless of his response.

“I’m angry at you! And confused. And sad. And hurt! I don’t know if I want to yell at you or ignore you or run right back into your arms--” Your voice cracked and you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to slow your sharp breathing. 

You hugged yourself around your waist, painfully aware of how comforting his jacket felt around your body. A part of you wished you could just tear the coat off your shoulders, throw it onto a puddle on the floor, give Shinsou the middle finger, and turn away without looking back.

But you couldn’t. 

Instead, you let your tears continue to fall as you glowered at Hitoshi’s shoes. 

“I am so mad at you,” you managed, hands clutching the fabric at your sides. “You lied to me, Hitoshi. You lied to me and you didn’t trust me and you left!” 

The hurt from your past which you never wanted to accept mixed with anger from the present, both fueling your surge in emotions.

“And now you’re here--in front of me--acting like everything is okay?!” you shouted in exasperation. Your face was burning despite the chilling breeze outside. “Do you even care about me? Have you ever even cared about me?” 

He gritted his teeth, hurt that you would even ask that. “Of course. Of course I care about you, Y/N! Even through all these years I’ve never stopped caring about you.”

“Funny way of showing it.” 

His laugh was humorless. “I’m a fuck up. I know.” 

Your gaze softened just the slightest bit. “Hey-- I didn’t say that.” 

Shinsou shrugged. “Regardless, I did fuck up with you. And I’m so sorry for that.” 

“For which time?” By now, the tears flowing out of your eyes slowed, the remnants dried by the biting wind. You gave him a wry smile, unamused. 

“Both times,” he answered without hesitation. “I hurt you when I broke up with you for no damn reason and I lied when I told you I didn’t love you. That was the biggest lie of my life-- I still loved you. So much. But I jumped to conclusions and didn’t give you the change to explain. I owe you so much more than an apology but it’s the least I can give you right now.” 

You rolled your lower lip between your teeth, hating yourself for wanting to accept his apology and jump into his arms. He gave no excuses for what he did and his words were genuine. That much you knew for certain.

Slowly, he inched towards you. 

“I really am sorry, Y/N.” He paused. “You didn’t deserve any of that.”

You stayed silent, holding your breath as the pad of his thumb brushed against your damp cheek. Shinsou wiped away your flood of tears with a touch so gentle, it felt like a feather on your face.

His thumb lingered on your cheekbone, his fingertips lightly grazing your jaw, and you found yourself ever so slightly leaning into his palm. The tension in your muscles loosened and if you closed your eyes, you could almost pretend you were back with the Shinsou you loved in high school-- As if he never left and nothing had ever changed. 

Just for a moment, you tricked yourself into being truly happy. You tricked yourself into thinking that maybe you and Hitoshi could still be in love. 

You wanted to capture this second and replay it on an infinite loop, but just like all moments, this too had to come to an end. 

As you opened your eyes, Hitoshi reluctantly brought his hand back to his side.

“Sorry,” he said, voice hoarse. “You were crying and I just wanted to--” He shook his head, cutting himself off before his voice cracked. “I’m sorry.” 

It sounded like his apology was meant for more than just wiping some tears off your face. 

You nodded almost imperceptibly, the anger in your gaze diffused by hurt and longing. “I know.”

As the minutes passed, neither one of you made a move to step away from the other-- Your bodies mere inches apart and so close, yet never quite touching.

Suddenly, Hitoshi cleared his throat.

“Er-- If you’ll let me, I think I should bring you home now,” he said, forcibly shaking himself out of his daze and pulling his phone out. “It’s almost four in the morning.” 

Blinking, you rubbed your eyes. Not that he mentioned the time, you realized just how tired you were. You wanted to take a bubble bath, change into fluffy pajamas, and sleep until the following night. 

“Do you have to go to your flower shop tomorrow?”  

“Hmm?” You were startled. You had almost forgotten that the man in front of you was the same person you considered your “mememate.” As much as you hated to admit it, he probably knew more about you than some of your closest friends. 

Biting your lip, you snapped yourself out of it.

“Oh-- Right. My flower shop.” 

He nodded.

“No, I don’t have work tomorrow,” you answered finally. “I may not have made the smartest decisions tonight, but I’m not that irresponsible.” 

A shadow of a smile graced his face. “Of course not.” 

Fishing his keys from his pocket, Shinsou walked to the parking lot of the nightclub, looking over his shoulder to check if you were following.

When his gaze met yours you immediately stuck your tongue out at him haughtily so he knew you were only following him as a last resort and you needed to get home-- Not because you wanted to. 

You caught a glimpse of his grin before he turned around, and you managed to stop yourself before one spread to your lips as well. 

Stopping at a black car with tinted windows, Hitoshi unlocked it with his keys, opening the door of the passenger seat and waiting for you to safely enter. 

“I can open a door myself,” you murmured, sliding into the seat securely before he gently shut it close. 

“I know,” you heard his amused voice call through the window.

It felt like there was one, singular butterfly fluttering around in your stomach and causing mayhem, and you batted it away before Hitoshi could come in and see the grin on your face. 

“Did I just see you just hit yourself in the gut?” he asked when he entered through the driver’s side. 

“No.” 

“Okay.”

Subtly, you rubbed your tummy in a soft, circular motion. You hadn’t meant to punch the butterfly that hard. 

“Didn’t hit yourself, huh?” 

You flushed. “Oh, hush.” 

With a snort, Hitoshi turned the engine of his car on and you let your eyes explore the interior. It was sleek and clean, smelling like a mixture of sandalwood and new car. 

Reaching behind the gear level, he pulled out a white cord and handed it to you. You stared at the object in his hands.

“For you,” he said, with a raised brow. “You should charge your phone and let your friends know you’re on your way home.” 

Wordlessly, you accepted it from him. Careful not to let your fingers brush against his in fear of the spark it might cause.

“I messaged Kaminari earlier to let him know you were safe. But he probably wants to hear it from you.”

You nodded as you plugged your dead phone in. “Thanks.” 

He hummed, putting the car on drive and backing out of the parking spot, stopping before he reached the main street. 

“Do you know how to get home from here?” he asked. As you shook your head, Hitoshi handed you his fully charged phone that was opened on the navigation app. “You can search for your address.”

“Got it.” The air between you was almost suffocatingly awkward as you typed in where you lived, each click of the keyboard ringing into the stillness of the night. After finding turning the directions on, you handed the phone back to him. “Thanks.”

Shaking his head, he waved you off. “You don’t need to keep thanking me, Y/N. This is the least I could do.”

Averting your gaze, you twiddled your thumbs in your lap, unsure what to say. You had so much you wanted to tell him--so much you wanted to ask--but when it came to it, you froze. 

Just then, your phone made a sound from its spot near the gear shift, buzzing and lighting up as it finally turned on. A plethora of notifications filled your screen and you found yourself feeling guilty for making your friends worry like that.

Five missed calls for Kaminari, three missed calls from Todoroki, and nine missed calls from Bakugou. You gulped. You were definitely going to get your ears talked off by those three once they got a hold of you. 

But amidst the calls and texts of worry from your friends, you also noticed a handful of messages from Hitoshi. He sent you texts asking if you were okay and telling you not to worry because he was on his way to get you. There was a lump in your throat when he saw the messages were still from your mememate-- You never did get around to changing his contact name.

From the corner of your eye you saw Hitoshi glancing down at your phone screen, a look of regret apparent on his face. When he caught you staring, he directed his attention back on the road, clearing his throat as he followed the directions on the navigation system.

To think only a week ago, things were so different between the two of you. 

You thought he was a random stranger you connected with through the power of memes, never having a clue that he was your ex this whole time. You found yourself opening up and sharing your private feelings with him despite the promise you made yourself to always guard your heart. 

Even anonymously, Hitoshi climbed over your walls and found his way to the inner workings of your life. Even anonymously, he made everything feel like it was okay. 

But a part of you was scared--so scared--that it was all in your head and he was only playing you this whole time. And at this point, you were just too afraid to ask.

“Are you crying again?”

“What?!” you yelped in alarm, wiping at your slightly damp face with the sleeves of his coat. “No, you asshole!” You glared at him, a few loose tears still gathered by the corners of your eyes. You refused to let them fall through the use of sheer willpower. “The air conditioning is just blasting into my eyes.”

“The air conditioner is off.”

You blinked. “Well that makes sense. It’s so hot in here I’m just sweating through my eyes.” 

He pressed his lips together to keep from smiling. “Right.”

The lighthearted mood didn’t last very long, however, when your phone buzzed once more and the notifications from earlier tonight appeared on your lockscreen. 

“I really made everyone worry, huh?” You sighed, leaning back against the headrest and shutting your eyes, the effects of the alcohol long since worn off. “I can’t believe I did something like this.” 

He signaled a left turn and waited until he was at the red light before continuing. “I’m sorry for causing this.” 

You stared at him in confusion. “What do you mean? Causing this?”

“Yeah. If I had just told you who I was the moment I found out, this wouldn’t have happened. You wouldn’t have been scared and alone at a random nightclub and your friends wouldn’t have been in near panic for hours. Hell-- If I hadn’t run away like that all those years ago none of this would have happened.” His fingers tightened around the steering wheel so hard it left indents on the leather. “You wouldn’t have felt all the pain and heartbreak and--”

His voice grew hoarse as it broke off, as if something was tightening around his throat. Holding your breath, you gazed at him in concern.

You were angry at Hitoshi and thought he had a lot of explaining to do-- Sure. But...for him to blame himself for everything that happened? That was more weight than anyone should bear on their own. 

Surprising both him and yourself, you firmly placed your hand on top of his as he gripped the steering wheel. His hands were cold and rough from the wind, and you were certain yours weren’t much better. But still, you held him. And still, it felt right. 

“Not everything is your fault, Toshi,” you said quietly, his old nickname slipping out of your mouth before you could stop it, like it was natural for you to call him that.

His eyes widened and a flush filled your cheeks. 

You coughed to relieve the tension in your neck. “I just mean… You don’t need to blame yourself for everything. You messed up and there’s no denying that, but this isn’t all your fault. I mean it.” 

Your eyes met before he tore his gaze away to focus on driving. Quickly, you retracted your hand from on top of Shinsou’s, cradling it against your stomach as you felt the burn from his skin linger on yours.

“Thank you.” His voice was solemn and grateful, as if he needed to hear those words at least once in his life. “You’re too caring, you know? Your heart is too good.” 

You let out a breath of laughter, brushing his compliment off. “Yours is too. It’s just been through some shit. And maybe didn’t make the best decisions.”

“It most definitely didn’t.”

Though neither of you were looking at each other, there was a shared sense of happiness between the two of you--regardless of how brief it may have been. There was a small smile playing on your face as you bit your lip to keep it from growing wider. 

You hadn’t fully forgiven Hitoshi, he still had some explaining to do, but you felt a sense of calmness when you realized that maybe forgiveness would be possible.

Before you knew it, you heard the navigator say, “Your destination is on the right,” as Hitoshi pulled up at the curb in front of your building.

“We’re here,” he announced slowly, one hand on the gear level as if he wasn’t sure what to do next. 

There was an awkward silence as you unplugged your phone from his car charger. It wasn’t that you wanted to spend more time with him exactly (that was definitely not the case), but rather you had more questions to ask. And what better time to figure out those questions than at four in the morning? 

“You’ve been driving for a while…” you trailed off, hoping he caught the hint without too much embarrassment on your part. “Do you want to use the restroom before you drive back home?”

Hitoshi scratched the back of his neck. “No, I’m good. I wasn’t out for that long.”

“O-Oh,” you stuttered, a sudden feeling of nerves settling in your stomach. Not those damned butterflies again. “Well, how about… Maybe you want a glass of water or a cup of tea?” 

He gave you a curious look but set his car to park and turned off the engine nonetheless. “Sure��? Some water would be nice.”

You let out a sigh of relief you didn’t know you were holding, pulling your keys out of your pocket and unbuckling your seatbelt. Before you could open the car door for yourself, Hitoshi was already on the passenger’s side ready to open it for you. 

“I know how to open a door,” you muttered with a roll of your eye, but felt a faint flush litter your cheeks nonetheless. You hopped out of your seat, accepting the hand he offered to stead you. “But...thank you.” 

“No worries.” 

For someone you were still mad at, he was making it damn hard for you to stay petty. 

Despite the light throbbing in your head, both from drinking too much alcohol and from staying up too late, you were able to lead him inside your living room with no complications--only struggling with unlocking the door just a little. 

“Welcome to my house,” you said, flapping your arms around and fidgeting in place. You slid off your shoes and placed them at the doorway and Hitoshi followed suit. “You can, uh, sit on the couch while I get you water. Or you can follow me into the kitchen…?”

Your eyes scanned the floors and furniture of your apartment. You liked maintaining your living space clean and clutter-free, so it wasn’t too much of a mess. Still, you weren’t expecting any guests and it wasn’t as nice as it could have been…

You shook your head, giving your face a light slap when you thought no one was looking. You shouldn’t be bothered. It was just Hitoshi here. Someone you most definitely no longer cared about. 

Or so you kept telling yourself.

He followed behind you, grabbing at his neck and glancing between your walls and you, unsure what to look at in this new environment. After all, it wasn’t everyday you picked up your ex that you haven’t seen for four years at a bar only to be invited into their house.

“I can go with you to the kitchen,” he answered with uncertainty.

“G-Great!” 

You grimaced. When did you become Tony the Tiger all of a sudden? 

As you grabbed two glasses from the cupboard, you filled them up with ice and water, setting one next to Shinsou on the countertop. 

He accepted it. “Thank you.” 

You nodded and there was an awkward silence, both of you taking long sips from your glass, not knowing where to go from here. You knew you wanted to talk to him, but what were you going to ask exactly? What was the right way to go about this situation?

Next to you, Hitoshi looked like he was having some inner struggles of his own. His fingers flexed and unflexed around the cool glass, both avoiding your gaze and looking at you at the same time.

Biting your lip, you turned to look at him. As uncomfortable as it was, there was no better time to ask than now.

“Can we talk--?”

“We should talk--”

You both started and stopped at the same time.

There was a beat of elongated silence before the two of you laughed. Shaking your head, you buried your face in your hands, peering at him between your fingers. 

“This is silly,” you cried in embarrassment. “Why are we so awkward?” 

Hitoshi shrugged as a flustered laugh escaped his own lips. “Because this is weird. This is a strange situation we’re in and no one would ever expect something like this to happen.”

“Exactly!” 

“But,” he continued, almost hesitantly, “I’m kind of glad it did, though.” 

Your own laughter quieted down as the mood became more serious. You drank another gulp of water to quench your suddenly parched throat. 

“Can we talk in the living room?” you asked, heading towards the hallway when Hitoshi nodded. You figured if you were going to have an uncomfortable conversation, you may as well try to find some comfort in your warm and plush sofa.

You sat down at the edge near the armrest and he took a seat not too far from you. There was less than a cushion space separating the two of you and if you were to move a few inches, your thighs would be touching. 

Tearing your gaze away from your legs, you looked up to face Hitoshi. “You don’t have to answer, but… There have been some questions on my mind lately.” 

He nodded, as if expecting you to say that. “Ask away. It’s the least I could do.”

You curled your legs and hugged your knees to your chest, peering at him through your lashes. 

“Okay,” you said somewhat unsurely. Confrontation was never easy. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew who I was? How long were you planning on keeping it from me?”

Hitoshi ran a hand through his hair, tufts of purple sticking out in random patterns. Somehow, it suited him.

“I found out a day or so before you confessed to liking...your mememate,” he admitted. He had told you this through text when you asked, but hearing it a second time didn’t make it hurt any less. “I was going to tell you that day, too. But then you told me you liked me and I didn’t know how to break it to you then.”

You looked away, embarrassed at the reminder of the night you poured your heart out to him. He knew you were his ex the whole time and still didn’t stop you? You scoffed, “Well, you could’ve stopped me before I humiliated myself like that.”

“Humiliate-- How?”

“What do you mean how?” You glared. “I totally embarrassed myself that night by saying how much I liked you--my ex!--only to have you basically reject me on the spot!” 

“I didn’t reject you.”

“I told you that you were the first person I liked since...well you,” you said, rubbing your temples to ease your own confusion. “And you never said it back. Not that you needed to. It’s totally fine that you don’t. It’s just that… I don’t even know. I just wish I never said anything.”

He placed the glass he was holding onto a coaster on your coffee table, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry,” said Hitoshi. “But that’s not it at all. I wasn’t trying to reject you. I would’ve told you I liked you back-- I wanted to, I swear.” 

Your head snapped to his. He wanted to tell you? As in he started liking you too? Even when he didn’t know who you were?

With a wistful smile, he continued, “But it wasn’t fair to you. Not when I knew who you were and you didn’t know who I was. You didn’t deserve that bullshit.” 

You stretched your legs out so they were dangling off the couch, folding one carefully over the other as you crossed your arms. “Then you should’ve just told me the truth about who you were.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He hung his head. “And if I did, you never would’ve told me your feelings.”

“Exactly,” you huffed. “They’d be safe and locked away in my heart until they disappeared.” 

He was silent as you turned his body towards yours, resting his arm on the back cushions of the sofa.

“Is that really what you want, though?” he asked. “You’re so kind and beautiful and you deserve to open your heart to someone and be happy with them.” A flush rose to your cheeks at his sudden words of kindness but you shook it away. “I never knew I hurt you so badly that you were scared to love again-- And I’ll hate myself everyday for that.” 

“Hitoshi…” Your gaze softened. You wanted to reach out and smooth down his hair but you couldn’t. 

He hurt you, yes. But to hate himself and never forgive himself for it? You thought that was far too extreme. 

“When you broke up with me,” you started slowly, unsure how to go about this, “you said that our relationship was nothing more than some cheap dates and sex.” He winced, holding his stomach as if he felt nauseous. “If you’re so regretful now, why did you ever say something like that? Did I really mean nothing to you?” 

“No-- Of course you meant something to me. Y/N, you were everything to me. And it’s ridiculous of me to say this now but I never wanted to hurt you like that,” Hitoshi said, his eyes squeezed shut. “But I did and I’m so sorry. I thought if I told you those mean things you would find it easier to just hate me and move on. Be with Kaminari or someone who could make you happy.” 

You glared at him with both sadness and anger, nails digging into your palms. “I was happy. With you. Is that so hard to believe?”

“A little.”

Taken aback, you stared at him. You weren’t sure what response you were expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that. 

“But not because of anything you did,” he rushed before you could get the wrong idea. “I just thought you were a good person who truly deserved something better than what I could give. You should be with someone who wasn’t anxious and insecure and messed up.” 

You were unsure if you wanted to smack Hitoshi or give him a hug, so you sat there stock-still.

“Even when I saw you with Kaminari, a part of me thought it would be better off that way,” he admitted, a scornful look on his face as he scoffed at himself. “But that wasn’t my call to make, was it? And how I went about it was wrong and dishonest. I’m really sorry.” 

He tugged at a loose thread on the sofa while staring at you in earnest. There were so many things to say and not enough time in the night to say it. 

“You’re right. It wasn’t your call,” you said, furrowing your brows. “I wish you would’ve told me you were feeling this way all those years ago. I loved you--regardless of what you may have thought. And what you said really hurt me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I fucked up and hurt you more deeply than I could’ve ever imagined. You felt like you couldn’t have feelings for anyone for all those years because of what I did, and if I could take it all back, I would.” 

His hand trembled slightly as he reached out to cup your face, pulling away harshly before he could touch you. 

“You deserve to find love, Y/N. Even if it’s not with me because I know I have no right to anyone’s heart after what I did--”

“Hey, don’t say that!” you interrupted, a wrinkle forming as you scrunched up your nose. You frowned at him. “You deserve to find love again, too. You may have messed up a few times, and I’m not going to pretend like I wasn’t hurt, but I still care about you. A lot. And just because you made some really bad decisions doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to ever be happy.” 

He looked down at his lap, hands curled into fists by his side. You had the sinking suspicion he didn’t believe you.

Swallowing your pride, you inched closer to him, lightly lifting his chin so he stared at you face-to-face. The dark purple of his eyes stormed as a conflicted expression overcame him and you wanted to run a finger over his brow and brush the insecurities away.

Quietly, you whispered, “You’re so worthy of love, Hitoshi. And it makes me so sad that you still haven’t realized it.” 

You felt a piece of your heart chip as he pulled away from you, gritting his teeth as he hung his head. When he spoke, his voice sounded choked, as if he was holding back tears.

“You’ve shown me too much kindness,” he said, words shakey. “Even after I assumed you cheated and broke up with you in the cruelest way possible--” 

His voice cracked and he couldn’t speak. With his gaze avoiding yours he pushed himself off the couch.

“God, I’m sorry,” Hitoshi muttered, his face a look of self-disdain. “I shouldn’t even be here in your life right now. I should just--”

Your hand grabbed the one he used to shove himself off your sofa, holding his fingers tight in between yours. With your head bowed, you called, “Don’t leave again. Not yet.”

He froze in his spot, one leg immobile in front of the other in the direction of the door. Desperately, you tugged at his arm so he looked back at you. Your eyes pleaded with him. This wasn’t the end. It couldn’t be the end until you received your closure and Hitoshi received his. 

“You know that night we played Truth or Drink?” you asked, breaking the silence. 

He stared back at you curiously, slowly sitting down as you patted the seat next to you. Cautiously, he nodded in response.

That night was a pivotal time in bonding with your mememate and it was the closest you had felt with anyone besides your best friends.

Continuing, you said, “You told me about your dad cheating on your mom. And then seeing me and Denki the next day after I lied about who I was with.” 

There was no accusatory tone in your voice, and you stated it as if you were recalling the facts. But still, Hitoshi winced. 

“Yeah, shit.” He placed his palm over his forehead, rubbing at his temple as he grimaced. “I really just jumped to conclusions like that and it was unfair to you. I’m so sorry.”

You didn’t reply to his apology, but gave him a small smile. “That night, I told you I thought your response was understandable. It made sense that you were mistrustful at the time. Especially after just finding out about your parents-- People I know you looked up to. Even in regards to love.” 

Hitoshi wore a guarded expression, but still listened keenly to what you had to say. 

“Toshi… My opinion on that doesn’t change just because I now know it was me you were talking about.” 

“Y/N--”

“Don’t get me wrong,” you clarified, not wanting to sound too lenient. “I’m still hurt that you couldn’t trust me. I wish you confronted me so we could’ve cleared up the misunderstanding. I wish you hadn’t stood me up on our anniversary date. But most importantly… I wish I could have been there for you when you found out about your parents.” 

Hitoshi sat there in silence, mouth opening but unable to form the sentences he wanted. 

You gave him a look of regret, one hand still not letting go of his even as he stayed seated beside you. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”

“It’s not your fault. At all.”

As you shook your head, he faltered. “Still, you went to America, alone, and never told anyone what was wrong. You kept all these feelings to yourself this whole time and I hate that so much.” 

“I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. I don’t deserve to--”

Your fingers twitched. How many times was he going to beat himself while he was already down? 

“Stop saying that!” you snapped, unable to contain your emotions. “You are not a burden. And you deserve so much more than you think you do.” 

His eyes widened at your outburst and his lips parted slightly. 

“It’s good you know what you did was wrong-- You can’t pretend lying and making assumptions was okay because it’s not. But you know it’s not! And you acknowledge that and it seems like you regret it.” Your voice took on a desperate tone as you tried to get Hitoshi to see his mistakes as something separate from his worth as a whole. “You’ve made mistakes, but you can grow from them. Fucking up doesn’t mean you’re undeserving of love and happiness. You don’t have to take all the blame onto yourself.” 

“How can I not take the blame?” he asked, his frustration at himself matching yours. “If I had been a better boyfriend, I would have trusted you more. If I had been a better person, I wouldn’t have lied to you. And maybe if I had been a better son, my parents--”

As if your body had a mind of its own, you threw your arms around him in a hug before he could finish his sentence. You heard a sharp inhale come from him as he sat, rigid.

“Don’t,” you whispered, breathing harshly as you held him tight. “Please, Toshi. Don’t say that. If no one ever told you this, please listen to me then. It’s not your fault. Your parents divorcing has nothing to do with your worth. Don’t blame yourself for the issues they had.” 

His shoulders were still tense despite the shudder of tears you felt.

“You don’t need to blame yourself for everything. Hold yourself accountable, yes. Always strive to be a better person, yes. But don’t think it’s all your fault,” you pleaded. “You don’t have to handle everything on your own. You can lean on someone, Toshi.” You gently stroked the hair on the back of his head. “You can lean on me.” 

At your words, you felt him visibly relax, his body free of the tension as you held him close. 

Suddenly, his arms wrapped around you as he returned your embrace, his strong hands firmly gripping your waist as if he never wanted to let you go. You found yourself loosening up at his touch and you placed your head in his chest. 

Peering up at him through your lashes, you said, “I don’t know if you need to hear this, but I need to say it.” 

His thumb stroked the length of your spine as you continued. 

“I forgive you, Hitoshi. For everything.” He stopped moving as he looked at you in surprise. You simply smiled at him. “Your apologies were genuine and so is your regret. I know you’re a good person and I forgive you, so please stop blaming yourself now.” 

“Thank you, Y/N. So much.” He pulled away ever so slightly, feelings of guilt still flooding him. “But I feel like I still don’t deserve it though--”

A noise of protest bubbled up at your throat. “I swear to god, if I hear the d-word come out of your mouth again, I’ll make you shut up.” After a moment’s pause, you tried to hide your laughter. “Heh. D-word.”

“Oh my god,” he said, his amusement escaping him. With his arms still around your waist, he challenged, “How would you make me shut up?”

You wiggled your eyebrows. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” 

Hitoshi laughed a genuine laugh that you haven’t heard in years. The deep rumble had a smile of your own forming on your lips. 

But the mood turned serious when you gazed into his eyes again.

“Really, though…” you said, squeezing the fabric at his sides. “I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way for so long without telling anyone. I hope you know you can always talk to me.” 

He tilted his head back, staring at your ceiling as you caught sight of his Adam’s apple. “Why are you being so nice to me after how much I hurt you?”

“Because I care about you,” you answered simply. “And I know you still care about me. You wouldn’t be this hung up over everything if you didn’t.” 

There was a sort of smugness in you as you teased him and he let out a breath of laughter. 

“Hah. I do. I care about you. And I’ve missed you so much.” 

You didn’t think it was possible, but he hugged you even closer to him. Your arms released their embrace on Hitoshi as you brought them to your sides. He looked down at you with a strange expression.

“I’ve missed you, too,” you admitted, squeezing your eyes shut as if it pained you. “You’re the first and only person I’ve ever loved and I miss you more than you could ever know.” 

Your head was bowed at his chest as you tried to steady your trembling hands by grasping the fabric at the front of his shirt.

“Why did you never call me? Why didn’t you tell me you were moving to another continent? Toshi, I loved you so much--” Your voice broke off as the tears you were holding in escaped you. “Why did you leave me?” 

His fingers were laced in your hair, holding you tight. He wanted nothing more than to soothe your tears and hated himself for being the cause of them. “I’m an insecure idiot who fucked up the best thing that ever happened to him.” 

Through the blur of tears, you saw the wistful look on his face. The best thing? you thought to yourself, touched. 

“No amount of apologizing is going to fix anything,” he said, accepting it as a fact, “but I am so sorry. And I want you to know I’m grateful the person who AirDropped me that day was you.”

He lifted your chin and wiped your tears away with the pad of his thumb. Your knees were touching his thighs as you sat down with your legs folded under you, facing him. Letting go of the grip you had on his shirt, you unballed your fists and instead rested your palms on his chest.

You grinned at the audacity of it all. “I still can’t believe that happened. But I’m glad it did, too.”

“Must be a small world.”

“Or maybe it’s fate.” Your hand found his as you interlocked pinkies with him bashfully. 

Hitoshi looked down at your interlaced fingers and a light dusting of pink colored his cheeks. A sense of enjoyment filled you as he continued to blush, a teasing grin playing on your face. 

Before you lost any courage you had, you pressed your lips against the corner of his mouth-- Not quite a kiss but most definitely an invitation for one.

The red on his cheeks died down as his eyes darkened in color, removing his hand from your waist to cup your jaw. Hitoshi’s palm was warm and soft against you and you leaned into his caress.

“Do you feel like you got the closure you needed?” he asked, his voice a whisper as he leaned close to you. 

“Yes.” You nodded, painfully aware of your close proximity. If you were to lift your head up any more, your lips would brush against his. “Do you?”

“Yes.” 

His forehead was pressed against yours and your heart was being so hard, you were certain Hitoshi could hear it from his spot in front of you.

After a moment’s silence, you said, “Now what?” 

He shrugged, eyes shut. “That’s up to you to decide. I’m happy with doing whatever will make you happiest. And if that means leaving you alone and letting you close this chapter, then I--”

You yelped, silencing him with a gentle shove on the chest.

“Are you crazy?” you asked incredulously. “You think I would ever let you go again?” There was frustration in your voice as you resisted the temptation to kiss the stupidity out of him. “I… I mean, unless that’s what you want?” 

“Y/N…” Now he was the one with the tone of disbelief, like he couldn’t wrap his mind around what you had just said. “I’d want to stay with you. For as long as you’d let me.”

“O-Oh?” Your eyes widened in shock, but soon settled into an ecstatic smile. “Fate must have done us a favor with all this AirDrop stuff, huh? I fell for you all those years ago as Shinsou, and I fell for you again without even knowing who you were. There’s no way I’d throw that chance away.” 

Tired of waiting for him to make the first move, you brought your hands to the back of his neck, and lifted your head up to meet his. You spotted an amused look on his face, but it didn’t last very long when your lips finally pressed against his with a contented sigh.

His movements were gentle and slow, like he was afraid if he kissed you any harder he would find this was only an illusion that would shatter. But it wasn’t. It was real and it was genuine and you wanted to prove it to him. 

You broke away from his touch to pepper chaste kisses on his jawline, starting at the lobe of his ear and making your way down to the sensitive part of his throat you knew would drive him crazy, your hot breath blowing against his neck as a guttural sound escaped him.

“Eager, are we?” he asked hoarsely, his chin lifted. 

You grinned mischievously against him.

“As much as I appreciate the gesture,” said Hitoshi, gently pushing you away with a roguish glint in his eyes, “you don’t always have to keep giving. You should be spoiled for a change.”

You squealed when his hands trailed down your sides to cup the undersides of your thighs, lifting you up as you sat down on his lap. His hands unclasped the button that fastened his coat on you and brushed the collar aside, exposing the supple skin on your upper chest.

“You should be spoiled,” he breathed in between each kiss he planted on your decolletage, “every day of your life.”

Your face burned at the implication of his words, the skin his mouth had touched feeling like they were searing hot. Though his jacket had fallen off your shoulders, you were still overwhelmed by his scent, the woodsy citrus filling your senses as you sighed his name and you still couldn’t get enough. He was more intoxicating than any vodka you had consumed earlier that night. 

Growing impatient at his teasing, you squirmed on his lap, causing him to hiss in response. 

You giggled at his expression and stuck your tongue out at him. “Just kiss me already.”

Tossing his inhibitions to the side, he obliged. 

When your lips met again, this time it wasn’t uncertain and gentle. Each move Hitoshi made was firm and deliberate and if you weren’t already sitting down, your knees would have gone weak and given in.

His teeth grazed your lower lip and he kissed you harder, and your hands found themselves tangled underneath the hem of his shirt. The skin on your arms filled with goosebumps as he mimicked your motions, his fingers toying with the clasp of your bra as his name escaped your lips once more in a strangled moan.

Before it could go any further, however, Hitoshi removed his hands from the band of your undergarments and slowly pulled away from your kiss. 

His face was flushed with beads of sweat falling down the side and his breathing was labored. You were certain you weren’t any better as you rested your forehead against his to steady yourself. 

“Why’d you stop?” you asked with a strained voice, giving him your best pleading eyes.

“It’s late and you need some rest, baby.” He pressed a soft kiss to your nose with a smile. “I don’t want to stop--believe me,” he promised, his hands squeezing your thighs that still straddled his lap, “but I also don’t want you to rush into anything you might regret.” 

You pouted, not wanting him to stop, but also feeling grateful he wanted to make sure you weren’t going to do anything you would regret the next day.

“Damn you for being such a gentleman,” you grumbled. 

He ran the tip of his tongue against his lower lip. It was plump and red and it took all your willpower not to kiss it again.

“Only sometimes, princess,” he said when he noticed how your gaze zeroed in on his mouth. “But for now, you should get ready for bed. The sun is almost rising already.” 

Hitoshi made a move to get up and you slowly unwrapped your legs from his hips, standing up shakily. He placed his hands on your hips to help you steady yourself, but that just made the weakness worse. 

Still holding you, he stood up from the couch and looked down at you, resting his chin on the top of your head as you hugged him. 

“You’re leaving?” you whimpered, a pout on your face. 

“Sadly,” he sighed. “I have work tomorrow. Well, in a few hours I suppose. But if you need me to stay I--”

“Oh, my god!” you cried, jumping away from him. “You have work? And yet you still came for me and let me keep you this whole time?! Toshi!” 

You folded your arms across your chest as you scolded him, but he just ruffled your hair playfully. 

“It was the least I could do,” said Hitoshi. “And I’m used to running on little to no sleep. It’s fine, don’t worry about me.” 

“It’s not fine! If you don’t get enough sleep this week I will smother you until you pass out.” You glared at him, holding his face between your hands and examining his tired eyes. Your gaze softened when you saw how sleepy he looked and thought about how well he hid it from everyone. You sighed. “And I think you’re a lot more selfless and caring than you give yourself credit for.” 

You kissed the apples of his cheeks and smoothed his brows. 

“Thank you for tonight,” you said. “You should get going.”

“No, you’re the one I should be thanking,” he replied, giving you one last embrace before getting ready to head towards the door. 

Both of your legs felt like lead, neither of you wanting to leave the other after years of being apart. With a smile, he moved towards the door. 

In silence, you examined him for the first time in four years. He was taller than before-- Bulkier, too. It looked like he worked out since he was in college, his plain shirt stretching against his pectoral muscles. 

But still, he was the same Shinsou Hitoshi you had always loved. 

You glanced at his bared arms and your eyes widened. “Oh, wait--! Your coat!” 

It had fallen off your shoulders and onto the floor during the heat of the moment, and you picked it up and brought it to him. As you held it out, his hands wrapped your outstretched ones around the fabric of his sweater. 

“No, it’s okay,” he said with a shake of his head and a small grin on his lips. “You should keep it. It suits you.”

You raised an eyebrow at him in warning, but hugged the coat to your body nonetheless. “I hope you know this means I’m never giving it back to you now.” 

Hitoshi laughed. “I figured.”

He was about to grab the door knob when you blurted, “O-Or maybe I could give it back to you! If we were to, I don’t know, meet up for some food this week?” 

Turning back in surprise, he was met with a look of utter embarrassment on your face. Your cheeks felt like they were on fire. 

You bit your lip, unsure what had just come over you when you asked him on a date but also not regretting it for a moment. 

“Only if you want,” you murmured, suddenly feeling more bashful. 

Taking the hint, Hitoshi looked at you with a mix of wonder and amusement. “Sure. I’ll get some food with you just to have my coat back.” 

You gasped, cheeks burning. “You know what? Never mind, I’m keeping this--!”

“I’m kidding,” he laughed, tone still teasing. “The jacket is just a bonus. What I’d really be there for is...the food.”

You buried your head in your hands and sighed. “I-- Why do I have to like you?” 

He shrugged, feeling just as lost as you were. “Because feelings are strange.” 

“They are,” you agreed. “But they’re worth it. And so are you.”

Hitoshi smiled as you gave him a gentle kiss goodnight. 

“Have a safe drive home, Toshi.”

“Thank you. Go get some sleep now, kitten. We can talk when you wake up.” 

You nodded feverishly, almost bouncing in anticipation at the thought of talking to him again. “I’m going to sleep right now so I wake up faster and get to talk to you sooner.”

A chuckle of surprise left his lips before he could stop himself. “You’re such a dork, you know? But I love that about you.”

Your face heated at the sound of the l-word as the two of you stared at each other, both in shock that the night happened and even happier that it did. 

“I… I should go now,” he said in a daze. He didn’t want to leave and you didn’t want him to, but you knew he had work soon. 

You nodded, waving at him as he left your house. “See you soon, Hitoshi.”

When the door closed shut behind him, you slumped a little. Tired and exhausted yet wishing you could see him soon. Though it might have been foolish, you couldn’t help but wish he was feeling the same.

Grabbing your phone on the coffee table, you unlocked it to check the time. You were about to shut it off and put it in your pocket when a notification bubble popped up on your screen.

“AirDrop: mememate would like to share a note,” it read, and a grin spread across your lips as you eagerly pressed accept. 

The notepad application immediately opened up on your phone and you read the small message on the off-white display.

mememate: can’t wait for our date, y/n. p.s. i really really like you.

Letting out a surprised cry of joy, you held your phone to your chest, hugging it along with Hitoshi’s jacket he had left you. 

From the other side of the door, Hitoshi had heard your scream and responded with a laugh of his own. A feeling of warmth in his heart as he placed his phone in his pocket and headed for his car. Thank goodness for AirDrop. 

Your heart was pounding and your lips were still pulsing from the way he kissed you. Even as you got ready for bed and drifted off into a restful sleep, the silly smile never fell from your face. 

You were grateful he came to get you at the nightclub, and you were grateful he was the recipient of your memes that day at the amusement park. 

He made mistakes in the past and you were no saint either, but you had an opportunity to heal those wounds and be with Hitoshi again. 

And you just couldn’t wait for your next date together. 

a/n: AHHH THAT WAS A LOT,, pls let me know what you think! i know some readers never want to forgive shinsou at all and that’s okay, but i do think y/n forgives him and still really cares about him [and maybe l-words him? o.o] so i hope u support it 🥺 ilysm and thank you for reading! lmk ur thoughts !! xx 

[winwinnns]

as good as me s f a

fellow jaemin simps, i decided to put these two asks together because they were perfect lol

jealous sex, mentions of alcohol, fingering (from rec), penetration.

“you really like him huh...”

you and haechan were sitting on the counters in your kitchen. haechan always gave you great advice.

“well yeah of course i like him. he’s my best friend.”

jaemin. while haechan guided you through the toughest parts of your life, jaemin was your rock.

“no y/n. don’t dance around it. the best way to cope with something like this is to acknowledge your feelings.”

you sigh and lean your head against the cabinet.

“fine. i love him.”

“see that wasn’t too hard.”

“i don’t know what to do. he’s been my friend for so long, and i doubt he’d want to change anything.”

haechan listened quietly.

“i guess i’ve loved him for a while. he treats me so good all the time. he’s makes me so happy. but i know he wouldn’t want to date me. we almost did. you remember that?”

haechan chuckled.

“i do.”

“we were both so over our exes and... we were desperate. and we know each other so well we wouldn’t fight about anything.”

“you’ve thought a lot about this haven’t you?”

you bite your lip and nod.

“it’s just so frustrating.”

“i know.”

he slides off of the counter and stands next to you. he takes your hand and holds it.

“you’ll get through it y/n. i know you will.”

that night you laid in your bed, thinking. you needed someone to distract you from him. so, you went on tinder. you found this guy named lucas.

he was really nice and pretty. not like, jaemin pretty, no one could top that. but he was cute. and the stroke game? fire.

you messed around with him for a couple months. it made you forget about your best friend in the moment, but once he left, you spiraled all over again.

there was a party coming up, jeno, a mutual friend of you and jaemin, invited you both. you texted jaemin the day of, making sure he was coming. you didn’t really feel like going anywhere without your other half.

y/n😼🪱

hey jaem you’re going to jeno’s party right

jaem 👁👁

hey loser

yeah i’m going

y/n😼🪱

just making sure

jaem 👁👁

you’d miss me wouldn’t you

y/n😼🪱

🙄🙄 whatever you gotta tell yourself. see you soon

you dropped your phone somewhere on the bed and started to get ready.

there was a knock at your door. you were looking at your outfit in the mirror. it was cute. it made you look hot. you went to answer the door. jaemin was leaning against the doorway.

“hi princess.”

you flushed.

“don’t call me that that’s gross!”

your heart fluttered, but you ignored it. you shoved him in the shoulder. he laughed and shoved you back.

“you ready?”

you nod and walk with him to his car. on the way to the party you talked about the guy you met.

“there’s no way he’s that hot. i think that’s your imagination y/n.”

“no way!! he’s literally burning bro.”

“he’s not as hot as me right?”

you sigh. of course not. jaemin was your type.

“i dunno... he’s pretty hot”

“ouch”

you both laugh, then sit in a comfortable silence

it was a smaller party than you thought it would be. you and jaemin walked in together. haechan sauntered over to you.

“hello bitches.”

he was drunk.

“you guys kiss yet?”

super drunk.

jaemin laughed while you froze. haechan was good with keeping things to himself. he’d never reveal your feelings for jaemin, even when he was drunk, but he would definitely tease you.

you an haechan were standing next to eachother in a corner.

“are you gonna tell him~?” he slurred

you punched him in the arm.

“no.”

“then i’m gonna.”

“what?”

“i’m gonna tell him. you have been..”

he paused, thinking of the words he wanted to say.

“been so obvious. he probably knows.”

you scoffed.

“don’t tell him”

“i’m gonna.”

“do it and i’ll kiss you.”

if he were sober, he would’ve grimaced. instead he smirked.

“do it. kiss me.”

“don’t tell him.”

“i won’t if you do it.”

you rolled your eyes and kissed him.

“you happy?”

he smiled. you scoffed and went to go find someone else to talk to.

you found some people and were having a pleasant conversation when jaemin pulled you aside.

“what the hell was that?”

“what do you mean?”

“why did you do that?”

“do what?”

“kiss haechan!”

shit. he saw you.

“jaemin he just- it’s complicated.”

jaemin scoffs.

“too complicated for you to tell me about it?”

you ran your fingers through your hair aggressively.

“what’s it to you anyways? it’s not like you’re super close to him.”

“i’m super close to you.”

you went silent. jaemin was frustrated. he hated that you kissed him. he didn’t give you time to answer, walking away.

you felt devastated. you wish you could explain yourself, but you couldn’t. not without confessing.

jaemin sat outside, he finally had some time to think. you kissed haechan. he felt so many emotions. he didn’t want you to kiss him, he didn’t want to to feel anything romantic for him.

he knew you wanted him. he could tell, you’d been acting different in the most recent years. his feelings towards you were complicated. well, complicated to him. to put it simply, he loved you. but he was scared. he felt the exact same way about you that you felt about him. he loved you so much, and seeing you with other people hurt him. but he didn’t want to ruin anything.

he loved you.

you walked outside and stood with him. neither of you said anything. you held his hand.

“do you love him?”

jaemins face was serious. he wasn’t looking at you.

“what? no!”

“really?”

he wanted you to say it. he was ready now. he wanted you. and he knew you wanted him.

you couldn’t admit it. you couldn’t tell him you loved him. you’d lose too much. you’d lose him.

“fine, i love haechan.”

that was the biggest lie you’ve ever told him. and you rarely lied to him. you felt so gross. you wanted to take it back.

“haechan?”

that pissed him off. haechan?? really? he could treat you so much better than that.

jaemin scoffed.

“really y/n. haechan?”

you were about to cry. this was too much. you hated lying to him. it was the worst feeling ever.

“yes.”

he moved closer to you and held your chin. your heart was pounding. what the fuck was happening. he brought his lips to brush against yours.

“you really think haechan will treat you better than me?”

jaemin didn’t know what he was doing, but it felt good. you gulped you felt guilty for liking this. he’s your best friend. you two shouldn’t be acting like this. you shake your head.

“mm... then why do you want him?”

you’re entire body was on fire. this is what you wanted. you wanted jaemins lips on yours forever.

“i don’t.” you confess.

he hums and pushed his lips onto yours. tingles went up and down your body. finally. after years of wanting, he was kissing you. he pulled away.

“is this okay?” he whispered

“yes please keep going.”

he smiled and kissed you again. it was harsh. he bit your lip.

“we should go home.”

you nod.

the air in the car was thick. the 10 minute drive felt like hours.

when you got to his apartment he pushed you against a wall. he kissed down your jaw. he bit the skin and you whined.

he slid your pants down your legs, and brought his hand to your heat. he chuckled.

“you think haechan would make you this wet by kissing you?”

you shake your head.

“say it.”

“no jaemin”

you wiggle in his hand.

“so eager. you’ve been waiting for this haven’t you?”

you have. there’s been so many nights you got off thinking about how he would touch you.

he ran his fingers up and down your slit, lubricating his them. he pushed two into you. you moaned. he quickly pumped his fingers

“fuck jaemin.”

“that’s right princess say my name.”

you clenched around his fingers. that was so fucking hot. he was so fucking hot. his eyes were dark and full of want, looking down at you.

“mm you’re close already.”

you nod. he speeds up his fingers.

“you gonna cum?

“yes jaemin please!”

he pulls his fingers out of you. you whine loudly.

“i know baby.”

he leaned into your ear.

“feels empty without me doesn’t it...”

your body erupted in goosebumps.

“... don’t worry princess. i’ll fill you up again.”

his words made you moan. he motioned for you to follow him. you took your pants off all the way and followed him.

“lay down.”

you do so, plopping into his bed facing him. he spits in his hand and jerks himself off until he’s slick enough. he slides into you and moans.

“fuck princess... you’re so tight.”

he slowly thrusts into you, hitting your sensitive spot.

“fuck jaem! feels good!”

you didn’t know if you liked calling him by his nickname while he was fucking you, but something about it made you more excited.

jaemin scoffs.

“already? baby i’m barely even fucking you.”

he picks up the pace, making you whine pathetically.

“you sound so pretty doll.”

you lock eyes.

“just for me right?”

you nod feverishly. he speeds up, fucking you at an ungodly speed. you felt so fucking good.

“think haechan could fuck you like this? make you feel as good as me?”

“no!” you were losing your mind. he was fucking you so good, and you loved it. you loved him.

“fuck princess i’m close.”

you clench around him, signaling you were close too. he goes impossibly faster, you could barely hold in your moans.

“i wanna hear how good i make you feel.”

you moaned loudly.

“that’s it baby.”

jaemin brought his hand down to rub your clit. you whimpered as tears welled up in your eyes. it felt so good it was almost unbearable. you came in seconds.

“fuck.”

after you came down, jaemin kept going. you whined at the sensitivity

“i’m sorry baby i’m almost there.”

with a couple more fast thrusts he released inside you. he pulled out and laid on top of you.

“you’re crushing me.” you groaned.

“suck it up.”

you scoff.

“you’re such a big baby.”

“but your big baby... right?”

your eyes widened.

“i i mean-“

he hummed.

“yeah...”

he giggled and sat up next to you.

“i love you y/n.”

you looked at him. he loved you. this whole time he loved you and you didn’t even notice. you smiled.

“i love you too jaemin.”

he smiled.

“you should totally call me baby.”

he rolled his eyes.

“okay baby”

you grinned.

“what do you want me to call you?”

he thought for a minute, his smile stretching.

“sexy.”

you sighed.

“jaemin i’m not gonna call you sexy.”

“why not. i am aren’t i?”

“yes but i’m not calling you that daily.”

“i think you should.”

“i’ll call you it once a month how’s that?”

he looked at you smugly.

“pay up.”

you rolled your eyes.

“okay sexy.”

///

aaa my first requests please i’m love u. i hope this is what u guys were looking for!! <3

[haikyuuuuuhypeeeee]

Ch. Twelve

⚠WARNING: Swearing, arguments, mention of past character's death

• ────── ✾ ────── •

“So, you’re the Osamu Y/N won’t stop talking about?”

You shove Makki’s face away from it’s imagined perch between yours and Osamu’s shoulders.

“Ouch! So mean~~~”

“You’re fine,” you reply with an eye roll. You knew your friends would want to tease you about Osamu’s appearance at group therapy, which just wrapped up. At least they waited until the five of you were outside and away from the other group session attendees. But that doesn’t mean that you welcome their inquisition.

“I apologize for my boyfriend.” Mattsun steps up. He offers his hand to Osamu. “Matsukawa Issei. The strawberry idiot is Hanamaki Takahiro.”

Osamu, still mute, reaches forward and grabs Mattsun’s hand. “Miya Osamu, but it looks like you know that already.”

You blush furiously as Mattsun grins at Osamu. “Yeah, we do.” Mattsun shoots you an evil look. “We all went to high school together, so we have all the dirt on Y/N whenever you want it.”

“Okay, that’s enough of that.” You interject and step between Mattsun and Osamu. You feel your face is burning with embarrassment so you turn your back to Osamu and give Mattsun a glare. He returns it with his own lecherous grin, with Makki perched on his shoulder with a shit-eating smile of his own.

A laugh behind you makes you crane your neck over your shoulder and you send another glare to Osamu.

“I might have to take ya up on that offer.”

You now realize that it may have been a bad idea to have Osamu, your dry, sarcastic friend, meet Mattsun and Makki, your dry, sarcastic and just as prone to stirring the pot friends.

“There will be no sharing of any stories, by anyone.” You know Mattsun and Makki have enough to fill books upon books of your previous exploits, but you’re also addressing Osamu, who for sure has a few embarrassing moments he could share.

Osamu, Mattsun and Makki chuchle at your request, and while you silently lament at that budding friendship that will only cause you future headaches, you notice Oikawa standing off to the side looking bored.

“Osamu, this is Oikawa Tooru,” you introduce him, knowing that he’s not jumping up to dazzle and charm. “Oikawa, this is Osamu.”

Oikawa turns his gaze to you, pausing to glare with all the contempt he can manage, before looking at Osamu. “I’ve just gone through an emotional and draining therapy session so I apologize for not being bright and unaffected like some of us.”

“Stop it,” you hiss at him. He’s not lying, as he always cries in group therapy (which you would never fault him for.) But you’re not sure if his jab at the end was directed at Osamu, who sat quiet and stoic for the entire meeting, or not.

Either way, Oikawa’s behavior right now is ridiculously inappropriate.

But Osamu just chuckles. “Nah, I get it. People have different emotional responses and cope differently.”

Oikawa doesn’t reply but his eyes narrowing means he’s not happy with Osamu’s mature response.

“Well after our sessions we usually go grab some dinner,” Makki says, trying to diffuse the tension. “You’re more than welcome to come with, Osamu.”

Bless your sweet heart, Makki, you think. He’s always nice and polite and you knew you could count on him to open the group to Osamu.

But of course Oikawa has to slam that door shut and lock it. “Oh, so sorry Osamu-kun but we actually have to discuss a gathering coming up soon.” He gives Osamu a simpering smile with no ounce of regret at all. “I’m sure you understand.”

Yet again, Osamu takes his rudeness in stride and nods. “Of course, I’m pretty tired anyway. But thanks for the invite.” He looks at you and smiles. “Coffee tomorrow?”

You nod, unable to speak around the rage bubbling in your gut. You don’t react when Osamu waves to your friends and walks away - you’re zeroed-in on Oikawa, who is expertly avoiding your gaze. You keep your anger reigned in as it threatens to explode.

“Oikawa,” you start in a low voice. Your teeth are grit together and your hands are shaking.

“I’m feeling dumplings for dinner.” Oikawa doesn’t even acknowledge you calling out to him before turning away and heading up the sidewalk. He also doesn’t bother checking to see if you guys are following him.

The arrogance and gall that Oikawa's showing to you guys, his friends, makes you see red. You open your mouth to scream when a hand rests on your arm.

“Not here,” Mattsun says. “Let’s talk like adults, c’mon.”

He pulls you forward, Makki flanking your other side. The three of you follow Oikawa's figure, now several yards ahead. You know your friends are close to you to try and keep you calm but your brain is supplying reason upon reason to pummel Oikawa into the ground.

He’s waiting for you all outside of a restaurant your group frequents, and when he spots you getting closer he goes inside.

He’s delusional if he thinks he’s safe there.

When you walk inside you catch him getting a table for four. Mattsun walks ahead and takes the empty seat next to Oikawa, leaving you and Makki to sit across from them. You’re glaring daggers at Oikawa, who still hasn’t looked your way.

The table is silent, even when a waiter comes by, fills the water glasses, and leaves. You don’t look away from Oikawa as he peruses the menu. The anger you feel is nearly boiling over, the contained fury making your hands shake again. The culmination of events from the past few weeks has brought you to this moment - it just took Oikawa being unnecessarily rude to Osamu, someone who does not deserve that kind of behavior, for you to finally address the issue.

“Oh, maybe we should do dumplings for Iwa-chan’s picnic celebration.”

Like a rubber band, you snap.

Your hand comes down on the table, hard. “I cannot believe how rude you were to Osamu. You had no right!”

Out of the corner of your eye you see other patrons glancing at your table, and Mattsun and Makki look ready to step in and intervene. But your eyes are trained on Oikawa, who has finally met your gaze. His eyes are sharp and his mouth pulled down.

“Well Osamu-kun wasn't the friendliest either.” Oikawa shoots back. “It wouldn’t have hurt him to be a bit more outgoing.”

“You said it yourself. It was an emotional and draining therapy session.” You smile meanly, relishing in throwing the words back in Oikawa’s face. “And it doesn’t help that you were being a total prick.”

“Hey guys, c’mon.” Makki speaks up but is ignored.

Oikawa replies to you scathingly. “Well excuse me for not wanting to be BFFS with the person that you’re replacing us with!”

“What are you talking about?” You ask, exasperated.

“You heard me.” Oikawa snaps. “You’ve barely been talking to us or hanging out with us since meeting Osamu, and it’s obvious that we’re being replaced.”

You laugh, tickled at Oikawa’s audacity. “I spent nearly every day with you last week, how can you say I’m replacing you?!”

“You’re only there because I asked you to be!” Neither if you are shouting yet but you know it’s not far off. “You’re not even there all the time, you’re texting Osamu when you’re supposed to be helping me!”

“Well maybe it’s because Osamu doesn’t make me feel like shit, and doesn’t constantly guilt me into being your friend.”

“Or maybe it’s because he’s giving you the kind of attention that we can’t give you.”

You freeze, a loud ringing echoing in your ears. “Excuse me?”

“Knock it off, guys.” Mattsun’s request falls on deaf ears. You’re both wading into dangerous territory, and some part of your brain is telling you to back off unless you want to ruin your friendship with Oikawa. But another, more feral part of your brain is telling you to ruin him.

“I don’t know what your fucking problem is Oikawa, but maybe you should take a look at how you’re treating your friends. And then realize that’s why no one wants to hang out with you.

“Maybe you’ll realize that monopolizing our time and punishing us for doing things without you isn’t the best way to keep us around.”

You don’t stop the sneer that comes across your face. “And you say that I’m a shit friend - you’ve haven’t been keeping up with me either. Makki and Mattsun are the only ones who have asked me how I’ve been. They’re the only ones who noticed that I’ve been losing weight and sleeping less. They’re the only ones who’ve asked if I’m okay when I’m clearly not, because they use their goddamn eyes and actually give a shit about someone other than themselves!

“I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning but somehow I still made time to wait on you hand and foot, and this is the thanks I get?” You're breathing heavily at the end of your rant, staring down your friend across the table.

Oikawa doesn’t give any indication that your words had any effect on him. “What do you want, Y/N?” He asks patronizingly. “You want a pass because you’re tired? We’re all fucking tired. You want sympathy because you miss Iwa-chan? We ALL miss him. What, do you think you’re special because you’re in love with him?”

A horrid silence settles on the table, more devastating than any barb you or Oikawa have flung at each other. You feel your heart jolt painfully in your chest and the air is pulled from your lungs in a whoosh.

“What?” Makki asks faintly.

You’re frozen still, staring at Oikawa who now has a matching look of horror on his face. His breathing picks up, and his eyes shimmer.

“What are you talking about?” Makki asks, his voice a bit stronger than before.

“Y/N.” You thaw enough to turn your head and meet Mattsun’s dark eyes boring into yours. “Do you love Iwaizumi?”

You glance back to Oikawa, who’s eyes have filled with tears. “Y/N-chan,” he gets out, audibly fighting through his tears.

Another beat passes before your flight instinct fully kicks in and you take off.

Your friends call after you, Oikawa’s distressed voice louder than the rest, but you don’t stop. You head out into the sidewalk, not bothering to stop the tears falling as you walk home alone.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

A/N: And there it is....Y/N's secret is out. Definitely not in the way that anyone wanted, let's hope things even out in the aftermath (😬😬😬) Thank you all for reading!

Taglist Open! Please send an Ask with the request to be added to It’s [Not] Okay Fic & SMAU: @psycho-nightrose @camcam1617 @kamalymaly @toobsessedsstuff @shookykookie30 @roro-707 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @cerealfrdinner797 @ara-mitsue @gray-444 @tanakasimpcorner @rintarovibes @jellien @everytimeswift @@bongofrito @babucrow @beidouluvr

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Let's Call It Funny

Prompt: Hi! If you know about those gen z peter parker posts, could your write something based on that? With Steve Getting It (tm) because fatalistic nihilism in humor tended to show up during the world wars and we’re seeing a reflection of that now? Sorry- I just think it’d make great options for steve and peter bonding, and dad!tony but actual emotions (gasp!) You can totally ignore this if you want!

Don't ever apologize for giving me such a great ask

Read on Ao3 Part 2

Warnings: uhhh gen z humor

Pairings: none! all found family in this bitch

Word Count: 2529

Here’s the thing about humor. It’s not necessarily that one generation is any funnier than another, it’s just that high school kids are perpetually the funniest people alive. Something about being in a pressure cooker of an environment with a bunch of other people whose bodies are changing in new unpredictable ways whilst having very little say in how their lives go creates humor. Gasp of shock, right?

So basically what Peter’s trying to say is that he’s fucking hilarious.

Come on, not only does he have the default high schooler stuff, he’s also gay, which gives him an instant bonus. He’s trans, which opens up a whole new subset of humor for him to explore. He’s neurodivergent as fuck, and we all know that makes people funny as hell. And if that weren’t enough, he’s severely traumatized and he’s Spider-Man.

Peter Parker is funny as hell.

What is truly devastating—and really, it’s their loss—is that so few people seem to appreciate it.

Ned gets it. Ned’s not someone Peter would expect to not get it, just because hey, it’s Ned. They’ve met each other in the hallways and been like ‘hey! You’re still alive! Congrats on having a body!’ Only for the other one to go ‘hey! You’re alive too! I wish I had an intangible form!’

Because bodies are stupid and evolution really fucked us over but at least we’re not horses.

A solid 50% of their interactions are just quoting John Mulaney and Bo Burnham bits back and forth at each other. Peter’s never gonna forget the day they both had detention and had to watch that stupid Cap PSA—it’s propaganda, you Nazi fuckwits—and something reminded them of the ‘horse loose in a hospital’ bit and they just did it. Full out. Stood up and did the actions and everything. The rest of the room was either trying to do it with them—and failing, because they didn’t have nearly enough practice—or looking so confused. The security guard—Paul, he’s great—just looked at them blearily after they finished and went:

“I mean, you kids are right, but you’re not supposed to talk in detention.”

Well, excuse them for trying to make it more entertaining for everyone.

MJ gets it. If Peter’s being honest, he learned most of his humor from her. She is the master and it is an honor to study in her wake. He’s definitely hijacked the asking whether or not anything’s actually meaningful existentialism jokes and they’ve wormed their way into his day-to-day repertoire.

“Why are you late, Mr. Parker?”

“Time is a social construct, Mrs. B, none of us are ever late or early except in the subjective spacetime paths. The limits of our sensory perception make it so we can’t tell if anything is real, let alone whether or not they conform to some arbitrary definition of ‘time.’”

“…just sit down, Peter.”

See? It works.

Aunt May gets…worried.

Sure, they’ve actually talked about when Peter needs help and wants to reach out and when he’s just making jokes off the cuff because hey, humor’s a great coping mechanism or it’s just a joke and not that serious. Peter loves his Aunt May, so so so much, and the last thing he wants to do is really worry her. And she’s gotten pretty good at figuring out when he’s just joking and when he’s spiraling.

Sometimes, though…

“Peter,” Aunt May calls from the kitchen, “did you remember to stop by the store on your way home?”

Peter freezes halfway through the door.

“Peter?”

He swallows. “…no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I am too stressed and consumed by the swirling pit of blackness deep in my soul to remember my head is connected to my body, let alone remember to go to the store.”

Silence.

“…Aunt May?”

“Do you want to drop off your stuff and then go to the store?”

“…yeah, please.”

“Love you, Pete.”

“Love you!”

“Try to remember that you’ve got arms so you can pick stuff up.”

“Got it!”

See? It’s fine.

The Avengers don’t get it. Like, at all.

Natasha and Clint like, sorta get it? They make the same jokes all the time when they think Peter can’t hear them, which—come on, you guys are super spies, surely you know people are gonna hear you when they’re gonna hear you. Natasha will make a crack about something, Clint will laugh and shove her shoulder. It’s their dynamic, we get it. But when Peter does it…

“Hey, Baby Spider?”

Peter sticks his head up from the ceiling. “Yeah?”

“Where’re you crawling off to?”

“I’m gonna go hide in the garage.”

Natasha blinks up at him. “Why?”

“Because if I get crushed by the airlock doors then I won’t have to do my paper tomorrow.”

Silence. Natasha’s mask is too good for Peter to actually see what’s going on with her, let alone from this angle, but silence isn’t good.

“Nat—oof!”

Something blurs out of the vent nearby and tackles him down onto the couch.

“Clint!”

“Nope,” Clint mutters, wrapping Peter up in a hug as Natasha comes to join them. “You’re staying with us now, Pete.”

“Guys, I’m fine.”

“Peter,” Natasha says softly, “don’t joke about that, you’ll make us worry.”

“I don’t wanna do that,” Peter mumbles, “but it’s fine.”

“Coping mechanism, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s got too many brain cells to do that,” Clint says, ruffling Peter’s hair.

“Stark has a lot of brain cells, you see what good that does him?”

“Hmm. Guess you’re gonna have to stay awhile, Pete.”

There are worse fates. Definitely.

Thor just kind of gets confused by it. He acts like Peter isn’t going to be absolutely fine because there’s no need to do anything like that. No, Peter, you don’t have to put the bleach in first into your cereal, there’s plenty of milk left over. No, Peter, you don’t have to throw yourself off the roof because your laptop is freezing, Stark has so many just lying around. No, Peter, you don’t have to pack a rucksack and run away to the Alps and live like a recluse, come here and get a hug.

Peter suspects Thor’s playing dumb on purpose. The man is smart as hell, there’s no way all of this is flying over his head. And honestly, it warms his heart a little bit when he sees Thor’s sincere, concerned look when he thinks Peter’s not looking.

Banner and Rhodey just kinda shake their heads and move on. They’re used to it. They live and work with some of the most dramatic fucking people in the goddamn universe, they’re used to a little bit of extra humor. Occasionally one of them will give him a look that says he’s pushing his luck, but that’s not often. Less often now ‘cause he knows what he can get away with. He’s also seen them hiding smiles behind their hands or poorly disguised coughs. They’re not as slick as they think they are.

Tony.

Tony is the fucking worst.

Peter can’t get away with so much as sighing too hard before Iron Dad™ is swooping in all soft words and concerned touches. Jesus. You’d think he’d get it, he uses humor as a coping mechanism too, goddamnit, why is he so worried about Peter?

Okay, fine, he knows why.

MJ’s over at the Tower, having another one of her ‘sketch people in crisis’ appointments with Natasha. Peter is coming off of a 32-hour caffeine rush and is violently wishing for death. Tony is in the kitchen doing…something.

“Hey, do you think bleach would make a good smoothie?”

Tony wheels around to see MJ pulling a glass out of the cupboard.

“Kid—“

“Sounds like a filling breakfast,” Peter groans, “can you make me one too?”

“…I’m legitimately concerned,” comes Tony’s mutter.

MJ ignores him. “Who’s the bitch on your forehead?”

Peter rubs absentmindedly at the massive knot on his head, courtesy of a wall that rudely decided to move at the last second while Peter was attempting to walk through a doorway. “He’s called DJ Braindeath and he’s my only friend in the world.”

“Peter—“

“Oh did you meet him at the furry convention?"

“Technically it’d be a buggie convention.”

“What the hell are you two talking about?”

“The pantry doesn’t have good coffee, I’m going to Starbucks.” MJ grabs her bag. “You want anything?”

“A will to live?”

“Peter, what the fuck—“

“Oof, I’ve only got like…20 bucks.”

Peter lets his head drop back to the counter. “Then just leave me here to die.”

“Can I have champagne at your funeral?”

“I’ll be dead, I won’t fucking care.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

Then MJ’s gone and Peter gets treated to a 20-minute conversation with a very concerned Tony Stark that he doesn’t remember most of because hey caffeine crashes aren’t fun.

He definitely does it on purpose sometimes just to wind Tony up. Like there’s this one incident with an interview he does as Spider-Man and he gets asked what he thinks about Tony Stark’s newest intern, Peter Parker.

“That boy’s an embarrassment, just…complete failure. Can’t speak without stuttering through every other word and self-esteem issues all over the place. Also looks like he got dressed in the dark.”

The reporter had awkwardly moved on to another question. The interview aired later that day while Peter was at the Tower. Tony sat next to him on the couch about halfway through.

“You look good, Pete.”

Peter had mumbled halfheartedly, only to hear the reporter ask the same question.

“See, that’s the problem with having a secret identity, you don’t…” Tony trailed off as he heard the answer.

Peter snorted as Spider-Man finished talking. “Say that to my face, you bitch, get a real job. At least I don’t look like someone vomited silly string all over my spandex.”

“Are you okay?”

See? Fun.

The only one he’s made a conscious effort to not be this funny around is Steve.

Because, okay, here’s the thing. Steve’s disappointed look has no effect on him anymore. He’s immune, motherfuckers, he’s had detention too many times for it to still work. Here’s the other thing: Steve doesn’t actually use that tone of voice that often. It’s this meticulously crafted image he plays up in interviews because it catches all the bad guys so off guard when Captain America is suddenly swearing a blue streak at them and telling them to go fuck themselves in, honestly, quite creative ways. The sincere Steve Rogers disappointment and concern still very much works. Also doesn’t help that Steve does caring so fucking well, like…who gave him the right to say a few things and hold Peter like he’s something precious and do the quick one-two punch of saying a super sincere compliment and following it up with ‘I love you.’ Who did that? It’s rude. Stop it.

And yeah, Steve’s the resident Mom at the Ready. It’s a risk to even sit on your bed looking sad ‘cause here he comes, wearing something snuggly and saying ‘hey’ in that stupid, stupid compassionate voice. So Peter knows he’s just gonna end up crying from too much soft if Steve actually gets concerned. Which won’t be fair because he’s gonna try and explain that he’s fine and it’s just his sense of humor while crying. Yeah, like that’s gonna be believable.

So he’s trying not to but damnit it’s hard.

Then he walks into the kitchen one day to see Steve struggling with the toaster.

It’s one of Tony’s new prototypes—which means that anyone struggling with it is so fair—and from the looks of it, it’s managed to not only burn the bread to a crisp, but also mangle the slices beyond recognizable shape.

Peter’s not paying that much attention. He’s on his phone, heading towards his spot in the corner with the beanbag chairs and definitely doesn’t recognize Steve as he goes.

He only plops down and hears someone declare, in a completely deadpan voice: “There is no point to existing at all.”

“Oh, mood.”

He doesn’t think much of it. He doesn’t even know who said that, that’s how hyper-focused he is right now. He hears the others come in and feels Clint plonk down next to him.

“Hey, Pete.”

“Sah, dude.”

“Just vibing. Did I do it right?”

“Yeah, man you’re going great.”

“You teach Thor ‘yeet’ yet?”

“We’re getting there.”

“Steve,” he hears Tony call from the kitchen, “what the fuck did you do?”

“Language.”

“Don’t fucking talk to me about language when you’re making toast that looks like a goddamn welder’s table, what is that?”

“Your prototype’s work, I imagine.”

“How did you even—“

Clint chuckles next to him as the two of them start fondly bickering. Peter’s too busy speedrunning the five stages of grief in his head.

Did…did Steve say the thing about there being no point to existence at all?

No…no way.

He must be imagining things.

Then, of course, there’s a chime on his phone.

Ned: Did u do the bio hw?

There was bio homework?

Ned: yeah, due at noon

“I now know why God abandoned this timeline and when will death come to take me?”

The room goes silent.

Shit.

“Peter,” Clint says, “it’s gonna be fine, you can do bio homework in your sleep—“

“Are you okay?” Ah, that’s Thor.

“Kid—“

And Nat, and Tony’s probably rushing over here as he speaks.

Then there’s another voice.

“We can only pray the reaper arrives early for his appointment with us, kid.”

Peter’s head snaps up.

Steve.

Steve fucking Rogers raises a coffee cup at him in salute and takes a sip. He makes a face.

“…that was definitely salt,” he mutters, before shrugging and downing the whole thing.

…what?

Peter’s still staring at him until he catches his gaze and winks.

Oh, fuck yes.

“Steven Grant Rogers,” Tony says, hands on his hips, “explain.”

Steve just gives him a look. “I grew up in the Great Depression, Tony, and I was in the army. You don’t think I have a fatalistic sense of humor?”

“Plus the fact that most of my generation is resorting to types of humor found when death and stress are so ever-present that you have to joke about it says something,” Peter adds, “doesn’t it?”

Steve raises his cup again. “See? He gets it.”

And just like that, the bond between Peter Parker and Steve Rogers was written, formed, and sealed in salt and existentialist depression.

“There’s two of you,” Tony mumbles, “oh my god, there’s two of you.”

“Oh, you just wait ’til Buck and Sam get back.”

Peter can’t fucking wait.

[tanoraqui]

okay so yet another MDZS/Untamed fic idea: post-canon “accidental de-aging leads to some rebuilding of the Yunmeng Bros’ relationship” fic, but instead of WWX (like I’ve seen several times) it’s Jiang Cheng who becomes Smol

it should be Wei Wuxian. It would have been Wei Wuxian, if Jiang Cheng hadn’t happened to arrive a day early for a cultivation conference at Gusu and come say hello by kicking open the door to the classroom in which Wei Wuxian was testing an experimental new array, and as he kicked open the door, Jiang Cheng saw that it was about to backfire dramatically - possibly bc he startled WWX? - and, of course, the angry shout of his brother’s name turns into a panicked one and he bodily tackles him out of the way

the magical backlash hits Jiang Cheng instead and boom. smol scowly boy. grumpy baby. actually, mostly just bewildered, and about 8 years old - old enough to be very definitely Wei Wuxian’s brother, but still Baby, u know?

no memories of later events, except maybe dreamlike slivers of moments, more memories of emotion than anything

despite some half-remembered reflexive resentment/fury/hatred he doesn’t understand, he latches himself onto Wei Wuxian like an imperious, grumpy limpet...once WWX convinces him that he in, in fact, Wei Wuxian, bc you know. Wrong body.

so the next several days are just Wei Wuxian desperately trying to fix this while bb!Jiang Cheng tags along after him. FEATURING:

bb!JC can accept that, like, if everyone his age is adults, he’s clan leader and his parents have passed away. That’s fine

but he assumes Wei Wuxian is his First Disciple, and it’s right at the beginning when he’s really freaked out so Wei Wuxian doesn’t have the heart to correct him

(also u know. fraternal yearning. maybe he can pretend just for a while...)

Lan Qiren is rude to Wei Wuxian and bb!JC just fucking lays into him

bb!JC is extremely skeptical of Lan Wangji, but willing to trust a little bit bc his brother is happy with this guy so it much be okay. Ish.

by instant unspoken universal agreement, Everyone Lies Desperately About Jiang Yanli

Jin Ling arrives for the conference and has to cope with this “baby uncle” situation somehow

Jin Ling absolutely fails to cope with this

bb!Jiang Cheng somehow slides into exactly the same relationship with Jin Ling that they have when he’s an adult

someone lets slip or bb!JC just figured out that Wei Wuxian seems to spend his life alternately at the Cloud Recesses or wandering the land. He is both confused and consternated, because why isn’t he at Lotus Pier?!? Wei Wuxian hastily lies that he spends half his time at Lotus Pier, obviously, being First Disciple yes

Jiang Cheng has only has Wei Wuxian as a brother for a couple years but it’s long enough to know that Wei Wuxian can never do anything normally, and frankly this sounds about like how he’d be happiest. begrudgingly, he’ll accept it

bb!Jiang Cheng keeps getting screaming nightmares about things that happened when he’s older, ends up crawling into bed with Wei Wuxian pretty much nightly

needless to say but Wei Wuxian being the most doting and protective shixiong to bb!JC throughout

bb!Jiang Cheng scowling while covered in rabbits

Jiang Cheng does eventually figure out that Wei Wuxian is lying about the whole First Disciple thing, and he doesn’t get the whole story but he’s FURIOUS and BETRAYED and HEARTBROKEN and probably runs away or some nonsense

dunno how he calms down from that - bunny therapy or Jin Ling or both, probably - but it’s right before they finally figure out how to re-age him. So he ends up standing in the new array (basically inverse of the first one) and glaring at Wei Wuxian and saying that even if everything did go wrong, and everyone they love is dead and it’s mostly Wei Wuxian’s fault and he’s a demonic cultivator now, married to Lan Wangji, he should still - [jutted chin, fierce 8yo scowl] - come home, because they’re brothers and that’s what brothers do.

WWX: [wuxian.exe has stopped working due a sudden influx affection and yearning for what he believes lost]

then they turn him back of course, and Wei Wuxian is hesitantly, like, “...what do you remember?” and Jiang Cheng says shortly, “Most of it” (the week of being a child again was like a dream, the sense of his own stubborn affection for Wei Wuxian is still painfully strong and as usual he wants it to go away, and even more than usual he couldn’t bear to give it up/just wishes it’d be reciprocated again.) And there’s a couple more snappy comments, the last of which Jiang Cheng says bitterly as he sweeps out, but - 

- but the combination of whatever vague bitter thing Jiang Cheng just said plus bb!Jiang Cheng’s descriptions of his nightmare-memories PLUS the memory of Jiang Cheng thoughtlessly tackling him out of the way of a magical effect of unknown-but-likely-dangerous origin, taking the hit himself...leads Wei Wuxian to suddenly be Pretty Goddamn Sure why exactly Jiang Cheng got caught by Wens and lost his core in the first place

and hand-in-hand with that, of course, the realization (supported by the past week of evidence) that Jiang Cheng...well. still loves him. didn’t stop when the Wens took Lotus Pier, didn’t stop when Jiang Yanli died, certainly didn’t stop when Wei Wuxian came back. He just shoves it under an awful lot of anger...just like he always did. The anger is more real, now, but that doesn’t mean the love isn’t/ He just still can’t ask for it

so Wei Wuxian, who’s never needed to be asked in his entire goddamn life (which is part of the problem, see: Golden Core, but in this moment a solution) shouts after him, dashes forward, slings an arm around his brother’s shoulder and clings like a particularly loud, obnoxious limpet

Jiang Cheng doesn’t shove him off particularly hard

[whatifxwereyou]

The Oncoming Storm Part 18: Nemuri Hime

Liu Kang x Reader and Kung Lao x Reader (gonna do both, two paths!)

Kung Lao gets serious. But forgets to tell you all the important things. Boy, he's good at talking. Lol. Hope you guys are still loving the Lao time! Liu will be back soonish. Planned out his whole part last night and then the future. Question! Are you guys READY for the choice or do you want it drawn out more? Also, for the future of this tumblr, is anyone interested in oc x reader stuff? I have so many ideas that I have never shared Lol. Anyway, thanks for reading. Much love. Update Sunday!

Part 17 Part 19 Chapter Index

“They’re going to have someone in there keeping an eye out now.” Kung Lao kicked a loose stone on the walkway, arms folded over his chest. “So much for that idea.”

“For now. We weren’t getting anywhere anyway.” You were still in wonder that any of that had happened. It felt like a fever dream. Your whole life kind of felt like a fever dream now. “Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it isn’t in there. I tried to trust the vision and my gut, but it led us in circles. Nothing looked the same as it did back then.”

“Why would it lead you there otherwise? Maybe this shrine has changed more over the years than we thought.”

“You think so?” You furrowed your brow. He had pushed you like you’d been doing something wrong for a small moment inside the shrine but there he was, preaching his belief in you. It’d been easy to escape the frustration of not knowing where you were going with all that had happened in the shrine, but it was back in full force now. You were grateful to Kung Lao for not making it weird, but it was also a little weird to act like it hadn’t happened. You had a feeling that he knew exactly what he was doing.

“I trust your gut, Y/N.” He shrugged as if it were nothing. That was nice. You weren’t sure anyone trusted you those days so to hear it put so plainly as if it were no big deal was wonderful. “Let’s take a walk and rethink our strategy.” Together you walked around the shrine and along the path slowly, making your way toward the volcanic cauldrons.

Some were surrounded by posts and signs, expressing what they represented and why the water was the way that it was, but you didn’t stop to try and read any of them. Many of the cauldrons had small statues lined up surrounding their edge, placed there for prayer. You didn’t speak much. It seemed that rethinking your strategy was mostly just thinking. You were okay with that. Your head was still buzzing.

It was important to try and clear the fog from your mind. Between the disorientation of this place being so different from the vision in your head and then everything with Kung Lao, you were dizzy. You stopped before one of the cauldrons and Kung Lao read the sign above it.

“One of the hells of Mount Osore…” He was not good at silence, it turned out. He hadn’t been when you were younger either. You’d asked him once back then and he’d said silence was too loud. The dizziness became a buzzing, and the buzzing became darkness. You thought that you’d drifted to sleep to the hum of Kung Lao’s voice.

When you opened your eyes again, you gasped for breath. Your lungs were on fire, as though you had been deprived of oxygen for too long, as if invisible hands had reached into your chest and grasped your lungs to force all the air out. You lost your footing and stumbled forward but before you fell, Kung Lao had his arms around your middle and was pulling you back to him with a forceful yank. You lost your balance and collapsed into him, grasping his arms in surprise with a yelp. He held you upright.

“What the hell, Y/N? You can’t just do that!” He scolded. You gasped to refill your sore lungs and the ache began to fade. You weren’t where you’d been when you’d been listening to Kung Lao but you recognized the place immediately. It was the lake of blood from your vision. You turned in his arms to apologize but the words didn’t come. How did that happen? How had it happened? His expression went from frustration to concern quickly. You wanted to ask what happened, you wanted to ask him how you’d gotten there, but in your mind’s eye, you could see your body falling into that pool and the horned creature staring over you as you drowned beneath the red water.

You shuddered and covered your mouth. Maybe Raiden was right. It hadn’t felt like there was a shadow hanging over you until then when your body had moved beyond your control.

“Y/N, did you hear me?”

“What happened? What are you talking about? What did I do?” The words came out extremely fast, all at once almost. Bless Kung Lao for understanding a word of it.

“I was reading about that cauldron over there.” He gestured down the path. It seemed so distant now but that was the last thing you remembered. “And you walked away. I followed you and you stepped up and just went to jump right in. Right into the blood lake. Didn’t respond to me when I called you.” He tried to joke but there was an underlying concern that neither one of you could shake. “If you wanted to take a dip, Y/N, then you just had to say so. There’s those bathhouses.”

“No, no Kung Lao. I… I’m confused, that’s all. I don’t remember coming here. I closed my eyes to listen to you talk.” His low and deep voice was soothing, but you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that right now. “Then I felt like I was falling, and I couldn’t breathe. Then you and… here we are.” You gestured to his arms that still held you and you felt his fingers sink a bit further into the clothing at your waist as if that would protect you somehow.

“You really don’t remember walking up to the creepy blood lake and almost throwing yourself in?” His face was flooded with concern. You shook your head no. “Okay.”

“You believe me?”

“Of course I do, Y/N. You’re white as a ghost. Why would you lie about something like that? Also, you’re terrible at lying.”

“Thank you?” You couldn’t decide if that was a dig or not.

“Okay.” He exhaled and you watched his face contort as his tongue ran over his teeth. “In that case no more wandering away from me. You stay with me at all times. Got it? We tell Raiden as soon as we can.”

“Okay except that I don’t remember wandering away from you, Kung Lao. You were reading and then…”

“What do you think caused this?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t. Honestly, afterward I saw this part in my vision. I’d been choking on ink but in my head, I was drowning.” You pointed toward the red volcanic cauldron. “In there. And I could see that creature. He was watching me. I… I thought it was just my brain interpreting the ink in my throat but… what if… Raiden’s right?”

“You doubted that Raiden was right?”

“This has been a lot, Kung Lao. Accepting it all at face value is difficult.” You responded somewhat defensively.

Kung Lao finally let you go and turned away. He pulled off his hat, pushed back his hair, and then cursed. That would have been funny had you not still been coping with almost drowning because your body had decided to try to kill you. “Okay. We’ll deal with that as we go. I’m changing the subject now because I’m not sure how to process what you just did without talking to Raiden.”

“Smart. Avoiding the problem. Like it.” You were happy to go back to thinking about literally anything else. Up until now you’d handled all this nonsense with relative poise. You’d like to keep it that way.

“Let’s discuss strategy. What do you remember from your vision about the room where this artifact is supposed to be?”

“There was a well. The creature placed something inside of it and I heard this horrible ringing in my head. It was… sad?” It was difficult to describe a ringing as having emotion, but it had been sad. You’d had the distinct feeling that it was sad.

“Back up. What about the well? There was no well in that room. In fact, the whole shrine is elevated. There was a step down in the back for dining, maybe? Could the well have been in that area?”

“I think the floor of the shrine used to be level with the ground. Maybe they built over it? I read that it was abandoned here for some time.”

“That’s a very distinct possibility. Great. Now we get to desecrate a holy place. Loving this more by the second.”

“Or we can hope there’s a hatch above the old well or a way to get beneath the shrine without destroying it.”

“There are way too many people here for us to search that thoroughly without being caught.”

“You’re right. We need privacy.”

“And I’m all out of excuses, honestly.”

“The excuse you came up with earlier only really works the one time before it becomes incredibly suspicious.” You felt your face flush despite yourself. Kung Lao stood just behind you and bent over to be closer. You could feel the smirk on his face.

“You kissed me back so… didn’t feel like much of a lie.” He made a kissy sound near your ear and you tilted away and swatted at him.

“Stay focused, Kung Lao! So, we spend the rest of the day and then pretend to leave ahead of everyone. Then we can sneak in after the monks are at rest, right? Hopefully, we find an easy way to get to where we need to go.”

“That’s as good a plan as any.” Kung Lao began to lead you away from the volcanic cauldrons and you were grateful. The air was thicker there and, quite honestly, the more distance between you and the blood lake the better. “And if we’re caught tearing up the floor of the shrine in the middle of the night, then I’m pretty sure that no amount of making out will get us out of it without getting into trouble.”

“If we’re caught then we could try to be honest about it like I wanted to be in the first place.” You stuck your tongue out at him. “You could try it every so often. It works.”

“Wow.” Kung Lao sounded truly insulted but also laughed as if surprised you had the audacity. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Let’s just talk like adults for a few seconds. I’m not that little girl that you teased all the time. You don’t have to come up with crazy fake-date schemes. Hell, I’m surprised that you didn’t say we could only afford one room at this point.”

“Oh.” He straightened his posture and furrowed his brow. You nodded as if to confirm that he was far more obvious than he thought he was. “Does it really bother you?”

“Bother is a strong word, Kung Lao. Sometimes you’re just… all over the place. You go from pushing me too hard to not listening to me to having unwavering faith in me. Sometimes in a span of like ten minutes. I don’t mind the teasing, honestly, but it’s difficult to focus when I can’t tell what’s going on with you.”

“Okay.” He puffed up his cheeks as he thought and then exhaled deeply. “So, I don’t quite know how to act around you.” You were genuinely surprised that he was speaking so candidly. You’d expected him to laugh it off and move on. He didn’t.

“Why? I only expect you to be yourself.”

“I know. That’s not on you. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

“You don’t always act like there’s a whole lot going on in there.”

“Wow.” He winced.

“Sorry, it was easy. I get it though. I have a lot on my mind too, but you are all over the place since you got back. You tease me like we’re kids, then you flirt with me like we’re very much not kids, then you push me when I tell you that I can’t be pushed anymore. It is a rollercoaster spending time with you.”

“I guess I didn’t realize I was so all over the place.” He laughed and you walked together again. The further you were from the cauldrons the better you felt. “It’s funny. I’m still a little shocked that you’re here with me. Little Y/N. My Y/N. Weirder than that is that you are the person I found peace in when I returned home to clear my mind. I never thought I’d see you again. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you.” He avoided your eyes, and you got the chills but refused to shake them off. Him speaking so fondly of you in such a serious tone was freaking you out. These were things that you probably should have talked about far sooner. Instead, it felt as though he’d gone into some weird unspoken competition with Liu Kang for your attention. It wasn’t a competition. You just wanted to talk to him. “Your hair threw me off, I think. You didn’t keep it white. Same face now that I know. Cheeks aren’t so chubby anymore, though.” He pinched your cheek playfully and you scrunched up your face and swatted his hand away.

“I… didn’t recognize you either and you came into my store at least a dozen times over the last couple years. And the dojo just as many. I remember you fondly. You were always very kind with the students. And you look way different, I mean I can still see it, but you had these… dimples as a kid.” You poked the sides of your mouth. “They were so deep then. You still have them but they’re much more subtle.” It was funny. Something about his honesty cleared the air at least for the time being. “Also, I thought you were dead. So, I never considered I’d see you again.”

“You would have been crazy to have guessed it was me.”

“Sometimes I think that I have gone completely crazy and I’m in a hospital somewhere. That this is all an elaborate fantasy that my mind has conjured up to help cope with my madness.”

“I could see that.”

“What? The wild improbability of the truth?”

“No. You being in a nuthouse somewhere.”

You laughed and shoved his shoulder. He nudged you in return. “Some things don’t change, I guess.”

“I defaulted to sarcasm with you. Being together reminds me of when life was simpler. It’s easy to joke and get carried away but I understand that there is also distance with time and age and that this is extremely complicated. And that we haven’t talked about it. Talking about this kind of stuff makes me feel… uncomfortable.”

“What? No. I couldn’t tell.” You walked peacefully along the stone path. Across the way the monks were giving a demonstration and others were setting up tables for a meal near the white beach.

“Can I confess something?” He led you off the stone and down onto the white sand that bordered the beautiful, but absolutely artificial looking, lake. He offered you his hand to help you down and you took it. He didn’t let go of it as you walked together. Fun new game again: fake date or Kung Lao being affectionate? Your brain hated this game. Your heart hated it even more.

“That depends. Is it appropriate to say? Will I smack you when you make this confession? Will you be getting smacked and are you ready to risk being smacked?”

“Maybe. It’s hard to gauge how grown-up Y/N will react to most things.”

“Go ahead, Kung Lao. I’ll try not to smack you but no promises.”

“I uh…” He hesitated and then let go of your hand in favor of grasping the air in front of him as if trying to reach for the words to say what was on his mind. “I hate that you have the dragon mark.” You stopped in your tracks and Kung Lao stopped with you. Of all the things you’d expected, it hadn’t been that.

“What?”

“Yeah. Little Y/N. The girl with the gift, mom called you. You had enough problems. Now you’re here. A warrior chosen to fight for earthrealm alongside me and a bunch of other misfits with the same mark. Lost your home. Your life.”

“I could see your logic, Kung Lao, but I’m tough.” Your heart was racing again. Was this serious conversation better or worse than the rollercoaster ride that was Kung Lao? You couldn’t decide.

“Yeah, Liu showed me the bruises you’d left on him. I was a little impressed. However, you, just moments ago I might add, unconsciously almost drowned yourself in a lake of blood. Went completely gray, weren’t breathing, just walked over and almost threw yourself in.”

“Yeah, that is concerning.” He was right. The dragon marking and your arcana had awoken things within you that were beyond anyone’s control, especially yours. You were scared. You couldn’t imagine how it had to have felt to be watching it happen to someone you cared about. “You know, Lao, it’s probably not actually blood. I’d guess it’s algae making the water red…” You tried to joke but it was a feeble attempt. Kung Lao didn’t even smile.

“That’s not the point.”

You stepped in front of him and offered him a tired and forced smile. “I don’t regret where I’ve wound up, Kung Lao.” It was your turn to speak honestly. To say things that you’d meant to say and had been afraid to say for a long time. You’d kept waiting for the ‘right time’ but the time would never be right. “I’m terrified.” You searched around them just to make sure no one was close enough to overhear. “I killed people, Kung Lao. I never thought I’d be capable of such a thing. My dojo? My shop? They’re gone. I probably won’t see my family ever again or any of the people I associated with home. That life is gone. It scares me. Everything I knew is… being unlearned and relearned. At the same time? I feel like this is where I’m meant to be.”

“Yeah. You didn’t really get to process much of that, did you? Just went straight to studying and training with Liu Kang.” Kung Lao sounded almost bitter. You hadn’t thought about it that way. Liu Kang had been a beacon of comfort to you but was that healthy? Maybe some of what had escalated your whatever-it-was you were had something to do with your sudden lack of control. You were attracted to him, sure, in a crazy way even, but you were also vulnerable. Maybe the attachment between you had gone from big to huge because of it. You felt guilty. Liu. Oh, no. You’d kissed Kung Lao. Not just kissed him but kissed him. Things were instantly that much more complicated and messy. You had to talk to Liu. You had to sort out your thoughts. You had to do the same with Kung Lao. But you didn’t know how and just kept kissing them. It wasn’t like you’d ever been good at romance.

“It’s been difficult. But also surreal. Easy to forget some of it.”

“I get it. Really, I do. Because I’m not done confessing things yet.” He still sounded uncomfortable but urged his hand to your back and continued your walk. “I’m also super grateful that you have the dragon mark.”

“Well, that’s conflicting as hell. I’m having a hard time processing that.”

“I never would have gotten to know who you were or get to know you again at all without the mark. It’s brought me closure, in a way. I never thought I’d see you again.” You walked in silence and you felt your eyes burn just enough with tears that you thought talking was a mistake. You breathed through the sudden urge to cry until it faded.

“I’d like to state for the record, that you being this serious is freaking me out a little.”

“It’s been known to happen now and again.” He bowed his head politely to you after tucking his hat beneath his arm. “I’m sorry that I’ve been weird since I got back.”

“It’s okay, Kung Lao. This has been difficult.”

“Y/N?” He started, as though he had something important to say. He hesitated then exhaled and replaced his hat back on his head, tucking the strap under his chin. “Let’s keep walking.” He turned away and did just that as though he’d said nothing at all. There was clearly something on his mind that must have been difficult to share. You caught up to him.

“What aren’t you saying?”

He turned to you and searched your face with a glint of worry that faded so fast you weren’t sure if you’d imagined it or not. Then he smiled.

“I’m starving. That’s what I’m not saying. The sun is going to set anytime now and they’re setting up food so we should grab some.” He started back across the sand. You grasped his hand and pulled him back. That was not what he’d struggled to say.

“Lao, really. You can talk to me.”

“I know, Y/N.” He smiled so you let go of his hand. Whatever it was, he wasn’t ready to talk about it and who were you to say he should be? “Let’s get some food. You’re still gray so I’d like to see you eat.” If nothing else, he at least seemed less all over the place. What were you going to do? You didn’t know so you couldn’t think about it right now. You’d take everything one step at a time. It was all you could do.

[starshipsofstarlord]

Vaping - Elizabeth Olsen x reader x JJ Maybank

Masterlist Link

Summary; introducing your girlfriend to your best friend takes an interesting turn. Much evolves from a couple beers and a vape, JJ finally lets go

Warnings; mentions of nudes, vaping, underaged drinking, mentions of sex, some angst, swearing, mentions of cheating, angst, rejection, unreciprocated feelings

As the two of you kissed, a strong scent hit you, like a ton of breaks causing collateral as it fell from a building, though it smelled specifically of a pungent lemon scent. The pair of you pulled away, and there was a vaping blond stood above you, quirking his brow at the sight. It was no surprise that he had chosen to intervene with your casual date, you knew how he felt about your new relationship.

As the two of you kissed, a strong scent hit you, like a ton of breaks causing collateral as it fell from a building, though it smelled specifically of a pungent lemon scent. The pair of you pulled away, and there was a vaping blond stood above you, quirking his brow at the sight. It was no surprise that he had chosen to intervene with your casual date, you knew how he felt about your new relationship.

He was appalled to hear that you were committed to another, angry, jealous, he could go on about the emotions that were raging on inside of him. Time before you had even knew of Lizzie’s existence, you and JJ had a thing, more specifically, you had broken the pogue on pogue rule. The two of you would go at it with ample lust fuelling your every action, but the stick in the mud was, JJ had actually caught feelings.

When you had cut things off with him, claiming that you wanted to see other people, he was outraged, though he played it off as though it were no big deal. You remained close friends, and hardly noticed how he had been reading your messages to Elizabeth over your shoulder, nor how he frowned every time he heard of someone by that name. It pissed him off, she had his prized jewel, she didn’t have to fight for you like he had tried.

She was gifted your affection on a silver and clean platter, there was no dirty or guilt ridden scrubs that endured the profanity in your relationships, the two of you could be open with your turn of adoration for one another, but when JJ thought that he had you, it had to all be a secret. Even the pogues weren’t permitted an insight of your transactions, even if they had a keen eye for how the pair of you mysteriously tended to wander off together.

Kie, Pope and John B had been supportive when you told them that you had began to like someone, at first they thought it was JJ, which had gotten his hopes substantially up, but then it was revealed there was a girl in the picture. It didn’t matter if she was pretty, or kind, or out of the class laws of OBX, JJ resented her, even though he was a stranger to her and vice versa. But the one thing he liked about this unknown lover of yours had been how she made you happy, that was always his goal.

Without it being the matter that he was supposed to be concerned about, JJ thought hard about his own feelings. Yes, he tended to be a screw up, but he had an inkling that he was more than smitten with you. He was in love with you, and staring down at you with this new partner of yours, gave him great staking pain in his chest. “Why are you here Maybank?” In defends, JJ raised a cartridge of four beers to your view, the cock of your head being an invitation for him to take a seat.

He cleared his throat, as though that would be a primal factor in establishing his dominance, as he turned to your girlfriend. “How are you liking Outer Banks so far?” He handed her a beer, to which Lizzie willingly accepted with a thank you and a too kind to hate smile. “Most tourists think the views are nice.” He prompted to the conversation, watching a riddle spur in the brunette’s eyes.

“Oh, the views are more than fine.” She looked at you, running her green orbs down your form as she shamelessly checked you out in front of the boy. Lizzie cracked the lid from the bottle, weaving it off as she took a gulp from the liquor, draining her extraction of it like a champ. “I’m Elizabeth by the way.” Oh, he knew. A part of him wished that he in fact did not, the impartial knowledge of being aware of your exclusivity status had him crumbling from the inside out.

He had been getting into more fights with the kooks lately, taking his anger out on the prissy teens to establish some kind of reputation, even if that not carry the title of your boyfriend. “We get quite a few storms, like Agatha, she was a right bitch, didn’t hear from y/n for like a week. She was getting it on with Kelce, he’s from the other side of the island.”

“Figure Eight.” She noted, having recalled you mention it before. Your eyes widened, kicking him in the shin as you realised what he was doing. “How long ago was that, I know you said the power went out.” JJ realised what she was trying to do, it was her attempt at creating a time line of actions. She was building up a map of your entanglements with actions, and seeing if you could be held accountable for cheating.

“Just before the two of got together, which links to this funny story....” Oh no, no he wasn’t, was he? “We’d had our fun in the past, me and your girlfriend, and turns out when I heard about you two, we were still fucking.” Snatching the vape from him, you breathed it in, as though you were preparing for Lizzie’s reaction. She simply shrugged, taking the item from you and lulling in the acidic smoke that filled her lungs.

“That’s okay, we didn’t know each other too well then, and it seems there is quite the tight knit on the island.” God were you relieved, and endorsed in the sight of smoke blowing out of her nostrils as she took another swig of the liquidised joint. “I don’t have a problem with it as long as you don’t. What was your name again, I seem to have forgotten.” Forgotten on purpose it was more like, she wanted him out of the picture, he was simply a blockade in his way.

“Me?” He laughed lightly whilst pointing at himself. Yes him, the guy that was being an absolute dick and disrupting your supposed to be peaceful evening. “Oh, I’m JJ. I have no problem with you being here, in fact, I think it’s great. You’re just another hot chick that has caught y/n’s eye, when you go back to wherever the hell you came from, she’ll probably start hooking up with some random; wouldn’t be the first time, doubt it’d be the last.”

“I’m from California.” She stated unimpressed by JJ’s behaviour. You had mentioned him to her, filled her in on all valid details, but you didn’t say that he was this much of a dick. “And I don’t have to worry about that, I have my reasons.”

“Oh, because you trust her so much?” He laughed, taking a heavy slog of beer, hurriedly gulping it down as though it were some kind of coping mechanism. “She’s not trustworthy, she doesn’t give a fuck about any one’s feelings, she uses them for her own pleasure, and then makes things neutral between them.” Was he being over the top? Definitely. Were you astounded by the scene that he was causing? Sure as hell.

“J settle down.” You tried to coax him, but he swiftly stood, tears rimming the inclination of bud pain staked eyes. It was clear that he was not settling down; not in the slightest. He breathed in the vape once more, the lemony scent burning down through his chest for a moment, before he released the cloud out into the air, it swimming above like a wave out of the ocean.

“Don’t J me.” He mimicked you, rifling his destructive hands through his blond locks. “I don’t even know who you are, yet you took everything from me.” Lizzie felt a little bad for your friend, he was clearly experiencing symptoms of emotions towards you, it made her feel guilty for your shared secret.

“I’m moving JJ.” You revealed, his face becoming stoic with wide eyes. Lizzie squeezed your hand as you physically and mentally stood up to your best friend and past friend with benefits, causing him brash surprise that burned through his lungs. “To California.” You finished.

“With her?” He asked astounded, taking a step back as he dropped the glass bottle, allowing it to drop upon the dock, causing both you and Lizzie to jump from the smash. “I can’t believe you.” He breathed from his vape, turning away with a shake of his head.

“J.” You tried to call out for him, but he nevertheless continued on his path away. “Come on, don’t be ridiculous.” Him, being ridiculous? What a stupid annotation, he was allowed to be hurt. Yet it seemed that you wanted him to feel nothing, be a mute to emotions.

“I’m ridiculous?” He huffed, spinning around so that your noses touched, forcing you to throw your head back in shock. “You’re the one that ditched me, for some girl, that doesn’t know that you have a peeve of people not putting their ankle through the loop when they surf because otherwise it just hangs there, and how it makes you absolutely crazy when Kie dresses like a kook. Wait a moment, did you tell her that you were a kook?”

He laughed, noticing how a frown formed upon Lizzie’s face. “That’s truly amusing, lying about your wealth to attract the attention of a pretty girl, when you have a guy that absolutely adores you for who and what you are. He’s pogue and proud, and currently speaking in third person because he’s scared to openly admit that he’s in love with you.”

It was an unexpected reveal, that statement of how he truly felt, it unfortunately was not just a crush. “She didn’t tell me that she was a kook, you just want there to be issues between me and y/n, which there isn’t. So I suggest you continue walking, she is not interested in you, or your fucking feelings. We are dating, and she is moving with me, so grow up and deal with it.”

“Wait-“ your words ended as he continued walking. You knew he would take the news terribly, but you never guessed it would be him walking away, rather than the other way around. You were going to be 43 hours away from your home to spend time with the one that you were coiled in a relationship with. It was not how you wanted things to end, instead you wanted him to breathe his vape into your face and be like normal.

[hotchley]

15 from love prompts with hotchniss (romantic if not implied lol)

and maybe hand write my url? love you <3

Love you too <3 find your url handlettered here!

This starts off whumpy, but it does have a happy ending! For once! I think this is the first nice ending Hotchniss fic I've ever written, so everybody say "Thank you Raegan!" 1227 words, no proofreading, usual shebang that goes here.

15: "thank you." /" for what?" / "loving me." / "it's not difficult."

Trigger Warnings: canon-typical violence/events, blood mention, hospitals, trauma response, slight implication of self destructive behaviour right at the end

read on ao3!

"No," he says. Even before she's finished her sentence. It's a testament to just how well he knows her and her brain.

"You don't even know what I was going to say," she sighs. It's a stupid thing to say. Because she knows what he's rejecting. It's the exact plan she's about to suggest.

He raises an eyebrow, obviously not believing her. "Oh? Fine. What were you going to say?" He isn't trying to undermine her. He views her as his equal, always has. But he can't let her do this. Not now. It's too risky.

She rolls her eyes, knowing she's caught. "That I should go in to try and get the unsub to confess."

"And that's what I'm saying no to," he says, voice completely level. Too level. He's hiding his emotions. Well, hiding them more than usual. And she understands his fear. Really, she does, because she feels it every time he puts himself in danger. But they don't have any other options. Not if they're going to get the unsub.

"Aaron," she whispers.

He flinches away. "Don't. Not here. Not now. Please." His voice breaks on the last word, a small crack in his armour that only she is allowed to peek behind.

The sheriff looks between them, so close without even realising, and the rest of the team, who are watching them with a collective look of sad resignation. They all know how this is going to end. It won't be pretty, but it will end in one way and one way only.

"We don't have any other options. I'm the unsub's type. I'm the only one who can go in there and get close to him. You know that," she says, loud enough for everyone else to hear. She's right. He just doesn't want to admit it.

"There has to be another way," he says.

"There isn't," Emily snaps, with more force than intended.

Aaron looks down.

"She's right. If we want to catch the unsub without endangering a civilian, then that's the only way," Dave says. When Aaron glares, he just shrugs, like he already knows how this ends. In fairness, everyone does. Even Aaron. He's just not ready.

"So, are we all agreed? Agent Prentiss will get the unsub to confess. My officers will be there as back-up," the Sheriff says.

"Thank you," Derek chimes in, when it becomes clear nobody else is going to. They're all watching Aaron, who is rubbing his thumb against his forefinger and clenching his jaw. He leaves without another word. Emily sighs, but follows.

"What's really going on?" She asks, when she finds him in the other conference room. He's looking at their board, but as she approaches, she sees that he's not taking any of the information in. He's staring at it so his tears don't fall.

"I can't lose you as well. Not now," he whispers. He's fiddling. She looks down. There's a very faint tan line where the ring Haley slipped onto his finger all those years ago used to sit. Of course. How could she have forgotten? The anniversary of her death is coming up. Jack is coping fine for the moment, but Aaron clearly isn't.

"You're not going to. Not tonight. Not any time soon. I promise." She can't, not really, but Aaron smiles regardless. But that smile, like everything in this world, comes at a price.

The last thing she hears before her world goes black is her name being screamed by a man that has already lost too much.

The first thing she sees when her eyes open again is a light almost too bright to be real. "My head-" she groans, as her eyes finally adjust to the sudden change of environment.

"We know. You got hit. Hard enough for there to be blood," the doctor tells her.

"Oh. Wait, what happened?" She can't remember anything after twirling her hair to get the unsub to misjudge her.

"Unsub realised who you were and what you were up to. He ran, you followed, so did the rest of us. Then you got trapped in an alley and he hit you in the head with a brick that had fallen. One of the officers managed to tackle him as he left," Derek explains. He's sitting in the chair beside her bed, holding a cup of coffee.

"I thought I heard Hotch," she says.

Derek nods. "He ran after you as well. Sheriff was really pissed off that he gave us all away- because you were chasing the unsub, I don't think he ever clocked that the rest of us were following behind you. But we got the guy. Everyone's safe."

"I'm glad."

Derek can tell that she needs to have a conversation with Aaron. He always can. He's a good friend like that. So he simply smiles, stands, and kisses her forehead before leaving.

Whilst he's gone, the doctors ask Emily all of their usual questions and run the various tests required. It concerns her. Not that she's been asked to stay overnight, she knew that was happening as soon as she came round, but that Derek has been gone long enough for all of that to happen. He comes back shortly after the doctor leaves, and he gives Aaron a quick but comforting hug before going over the team.

"Hey sweetness," he says from the doorway. He looks terrible. His hair is a mess, and his eyes are red from tears.

"Oh my darling," she croaks, and he immediately goes over to her.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, kneeling by her side.

"I've been better. But I've also been worse, so it's fine."

He smiles.

"Aaron, I'm sorry."

"Don't. It's not your fault. I'm just glad you're alive and okay. When you collapsed- I couldn't hold it in. I just couldn't."

"I'm okay now though. We're all okay."

She carries on stroking his cheek until he nods. "I brought some of your favourite books from the hotel. Which one would you like me to read?"

"Did you bring Pride and Prejudice?" She asks.

Hotch looks stunned. "Well yes, but that's my favourite, not yours-"

"Read that to me."

"Are- are you sure?"

Emily smiles. "Of course I am." She rolls slightly, so Hotch can lay beside her. When he gets in, she rests her head on his shoulder, not even attempting to read the words over his shoulder.

When he reaches the end of the third page, she realises she needs to say something. She sits up, bumping his shoulder in the process, and he pauses. "Sweetness?"

"Thank you," she says.

"For what?" He asks, because it's not just about the fact that he's reading to her. It's more than that.

"Loving me."

"It's not difficult."

And he's not lying. Not in the slightest. She smiles and kisses his shoulder, then lies back down. As he reads, laying beside her like it's the most comfortable place in the world, she strokes his hair, smiling whenever he leans into the touch a little more.

Tomorrow they will talk. About how she endangered herself like that. About how all his fears worsen when it gets closer to an anniversary of something bad. About everything. Today, they are going to hold each other close, and be content with the fact that they are together, alive and in love.

[kagstea]

tsukishima k. - why him

tsukishima x reader

description: tsukishima desperately wants to be supportive of his friends, but how could he when it does nothing but hurt him?

warnings: unrequited love, angst

“I like Yamaguchi.” 

Tsukishima stopped walking, his feet suddenly feeling heavy. The words repeated in his head, in your voice and in your tone. Although he wasn’t looking at you as you confessed, he could just imagine the bright, shy smile that adorned your face. It upset him. “Oh, yeah?” He said.

You turned around, his voice sounding farther than before. To your surprise, he wasn’t by your side. Instead, he was a few steps back. “Tsuki, are you okay?”

His eyes snapped to yours. “Huh? Why wouldn’t I be?” As his mouth moved, he felt the frown present, and quickly covered it up with a cough. “I’m fine. What were you saying?”

Before you could answer, he started walking again without you, leaving you to chase after him. “I just… I think I like Yamaguchi.”

Tsukishima lowered his eyes. There it goes again. That blush creeping up on your cheeks as you talked about another guy with him. It sickened him, even though it shouldn’t. 

Using his middle finger, he pushed his glasses up on his nose. “Are you going to tell him?”

You shrugged. “I’m not sure, honestly. I only thought about it recently. And I’m not even sure he likes me back. Do you know how embarrassed I would be if he rejects me? What do you think I should do?”

He drowned you out already, hoping you would get the hint and just stop talking. This is not how he wanted his day to go. Usually he enjoyed walking home with you and hates how fast the time goes. But today, it seemed to drag on longer, and Tsukishima found himself just wanting to be in his room already.

“Tsuki?” He stopped when you pulled on his arm. You stared up at him in concen. “Are you sure you’re okay? You seem pale?”

His breath hitched as your hand slowly reached up to touch his face. Before he knew it, he snatched his arm out of your grasp and backing up, shocking both of you. “I...I just remembered. I have to go do something before going home. Go ahead without me. I’ll see you later.” Tsukishima rambled on, not daring to look you in the face before he ran off.

~

“Tsuki! Yamaguchi ran excitedly to catch up to his best friend, catching him off guard. “Tsuki!”

He grabbed onto his shoulders, stopping him in his tracks. The taller one looked at his friend, removing his headphones from his ears and letting them rest on his shoulder.

“What-”

“Y/N just confessed to me!”

Tsukishima quickly stopped himself from frowning. Instead, he asked, “Right now?”

Yamaguchi nodded, his smile growing by the second. “Yeah! A few minutes ago!”

He put his hands in his pockets. “Did you accept?”

Please say no. Please, let me be selfish just this one time. 

“Yes!”

Tsukishima had to be happy. So he forced a grin, and patted Yamaguchi on his back proudly. “Well, happy for you. Always thought you two would look good together.” 

Liar. Tsukishima was a liar, and he lied to his best friends and to himself.

~

He used practice as a way to let off some of the frustration that had built up during the day. It was effective, and definitely noticed by his teammates. He thought it was a good coping method and it had distracted him enough from his feelings.

As he took long gulps from his water bottle, a sharp slap on his back made him jump forward. He wiped his mouth and turned to Noya and Tanaka, who gave him a thumbs up of approval. The libero showed his teeth as he grinned, saying, “You made me proud today! As your upperclassmen, I almost teared up seeing you so into practice and…”

Tsukishima stopped paying attention when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He watched as you stood by the entrance, seeming to be waiting. Out of habit, he picked up his feet to go towards you, but stopped as he saw someone else greet you. He didn’t have to look at that person to know who it was. Your happy smile was a dead giveaway.

His eyes trailed Yamaguchi’s hand as he reached for yours and intertwined your fingers. He couldn’t help but tense up, his grip tightening on his bottle.

“Woah, are you good?” Tanaka’s voice boomed through his ears, capturing his attention.

“What?” Tsukishima asked. “I’m fine.” His response came off a little more aggressive than he intended to, but he didn’t get the chance to apologize as he walked away, ready to go home.

As he stuffed his belongings into his bag, he stopped. Would he still walk home with you? Or would you walk home with Yamaguchi? Is there a chance the two would invite him to come with? 

“Ah, Tsuki!” Yamaguchi walked up to him, sweat dripping down the sides of his head. He stopped just before him, pointing back at you. “We’re about to head out, are you ready?”

So they are inviting me, he thought. After a second, he shook his head. “You guys go ahead, there’s somewhere I need to stop first.”

Yamaguchi frowned slightly. “Oh, really? Well, okay. We’ll see you tomorrow then!”

Tsukishima nodded, not paying him any attention as he left the gym with you. 

~

It was a weekly thing for Tsukishima to meet up with you at your house to study. He was afraid of being a third wheel, but he was more afraid of the two picking up on his odd behavior if he bailed. So he forced himself to go next door, waiting for you to let him in.

“You’re here?” 

He looked up, seeing you dressed comfortably and wearing a smile. The sight had momentarily made him forget about his recent heartbreak, keyword being momentarily.

You pushed the door open wider to let him pass, and he headed straight to your room as usual. He had noticed how empty it was, and as he took his bag off and you entered, he asked, “Is Yamaguchi running late?”

You raised an eyebrow and gave him a look. “What do you mean? Why would Yamaguchi come?”

Tsukishima just blinked at you. “Why wouldn’t he come?”

“He never comes? Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean we’re together every second, Tsuki.” You laughed at his naivety, sitting down at the small table covered in your books.

He was confused as to how you acted like everything was normal. But also, he was upset with how much easier it was for you compared to him. Shaking his head, Tsukishima sat down across from you, pulling his own books out. 

“Should we start with English today? I barely understood anything from this week.” You raised your arms to stretch, groaning in the process. “I honestly feel so drained.”

He hummed in acknowledgement, grabbing his English workbook then looking for his pencil pouch. 

You tilted your head, realizing he wasn’t making any snarky remarks today. Actually, it had been a while since he had acted like himself. Knowing pestering him would do no good, you decide to start it lightly. As you hugged your knees to your chest and leaned forward, you asked, “Tsuki, you know you can talk to me about anything right? I don’t judge.”

He stopped his actions briefly, debating whether to open his heart or keep being considerate of you and Yamaguchi. In the end, he nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

You stared at him intently, trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong with him. “And I mean anything.”

“I know, Y/N.”

“I’m a really good listener. And my advice is pretty good too.”

“I’m sure.”

“I would never think lowly of you, Tsuki. I care a lot about you, we’re friends after all-”

The clattering of a few pencils falling echoed in your room. Tsukishima had lost his grip, and lowered his head. You thought you had broken through to him, until he spoke up.

“Why him?”

The words were mumbled, you weren’t sure you heard right. “Huh?”

“I said, why him?”

The atmosphere in the room changed drastically, and you felt shivers run up your spine. Suddenly uncomfortable, you shifted a bit. “What do you mean why him?”

After what seemed like eternity, Tsuki met your gaze, and there was an emotion in his eyes that you couldn’t explain. But it was intense, and it was directed towards you. 

“Why did you have to like him? Why did it have to be Yamaguchi, my- our best friend? Do you know what kind of position you put me in?” He narrowed his eyes at you as his feelings spilled out.

You sat there, dumbstruck. “What… I don’t understand. I thought you were happy for us-”

“I lied.” He spat. “I’m a liar, you see. I’ve been lying to you, Yamaguchi, to myself. I pretend like this doesn’t bother me, that everything is the same and that I’m happy for you guys. But I’m not.”

You straighten your posture, overwhelmed with his words. “Tsuki…” 

He shook his head. “I’m not happy. How could I be? Do you know how heartbreaking it was to hear your feelings for him? Do you know what it’s like to watch the person you love become someone else’s?” A harsh chuckle from him made you flinch. “I bet you don’t. How could you? The person you like likes you back.”

Tears pricked at your eyes, and you felt ashamed. None of this was your fault, and Tsukishima understood that. But even with knowing that he couldn’t stop the words that flew out his mouth. He had been hurting for a while, it was only fair someone else hurt too… right?

“Why did you have to like him? Better yet, why did I have to like you?” 

Your silence had made him curious, and he got a look at you, seeing you crying all on your own, all because of him. His stomach sank, and he tore his eyes away from you. You were hurt, and it was his fault. 

Tsukishima closed his eyes as he began to think. No wonder you didn’t like him. How could you with the way he treated you, with the way he made you feel? He couldn’t give you what Yamaguchi could give you. Why would you settle for him when you deserved so much better? It was his fault, not yours, not Yamaguchi’s. 

He screwed up.

Your sniffles and hiccups were the only noises for a moment. Not once did you reach out for Tsukishima, and not once did he bother to comfort you. He didn’t even think he would be able to. 

After some time, he swallowed, adjusting his glasses, and began to pack up his stuff. Once he was done, he stood up, carrying his bag. Before he could walk out, your hand shot out to grab his wrist, holding him back.

“Why are you just leaving?” You breathed. “What… what do you want me to do? I’m sorry, Kei. Really.”

He hated the pain in your voice. But mostly he hated how he was the cause of it. 

Roughly, he pulled his arm from you, not even bothering to turn to you as he spoke. “You can’t do anything. The best thing you can do is leave me alone. Forever.” Quickly, he rushed out of your house and to his own, worried if he stayed a second longer he would regret everything and just hurt everyone more. 

Tsukishima had lost the girl, but he never really had her in the first place.

[amphii-writes]

Hi! I would like to request an angst fic where the reader gets into a fight with any of the karasuno boys and ends up in an accident after running away. You can choose anyone who you like! Thanks

So, because of how much creative liberty you gave me I’m gonna make the accident less of a “your hurt” accident but an accidental meeting if you catch my drift! Okay, on that note here are the three boys I thought would work the best with this idea:

Asahi

Tsukishima

Ennoshita

surprising, right? people seem to forget that Asahi quit the club and ennoshita almost quit like 5 times, and Tsukishima is self-explanatory.

Part two -->here<--

Thank you so much for requesting! It means a lot to me!

synopsis: Tsukishima snapped at you after you asked him to support your friendship, doing so, you ran away and met a tall man with red hair and a strange smile. genre: ANGST, slight fluff in the memories and end! warnings: Swearing, toxic friendships, heartbreak, etc. pairing: Platonic?Tsukishima & Yamaguchi x F!Reader x Platonic?Tendou word count: 1.7k

After a long day of doing club activities and homework, you were thoroughly beat. Who could blame you, staying up late nights for some free time and to get your homework done. But you always made sure to check in on your closest friends: Yamaguchi and Tsukishima.

You three had met at the beginning of middle school, as you were getting made fun of by some kids and Tsukishima stepped in and helped you. Since then you’d always wanted to repay him with your time and effort in the friendship. He was often cold to you though, leaving you to believe that nothing would ever happen in the friendship and that he’d leave you high and dry.

You and Yamaguchi often discussed Tsukishima’s personality and actions to try to attest to his actions, which at some points was hard due to his slightly sadistic nature. After long nights of ranting to each other about your frustrations, you two became closer.

Long sleepless nights filled with laughter and music often warmed your heart, especially when Tsukishima joined. He had made both you and Yamaguchi playlists- full of songs that reminded him of you guys and a small description in the bio. It was the sweetest thing he’d ever done for a long time, but then he started getting colder to you, distant. He would push you away and use words sharper than knives to cut open your heart and let it bleed a little. You had asked Yamaguchi to talk to him about it but he just said that Tsuki told him not to bring you up anymore. 

You had no idea what to do, why he exiled you, and why you never saw this coming in all honesty. You wondered if he saw you checking up on him as clingy, or how you’d make treats for him and Yamaguchi and see it as annoying or too doting. You thought of everything you could until you decided to talk with him face-to-face, which you knew would be hard, but you knew you had to try.

Armed with some baked goods and a dinosaur plushie in your already weighted backpack make your eyes droop with exhaustion. But, you were determined to go and ask him what was up. You couldn’t let such a meaningful relationship go to waste.

As you approached the gym, the sound of volleyballs bouncing around the floor filled your ears, a faint yet somewhat comforting sound. You were proud of Tadashi and Kei for doing a sport, you knew it would exhaust them, but you believed it was exactly what they needed. the feeling of light dread and the beating of your heartbeat the sound of the slams of the balls, now a faint memory in your ears.

“NOYA, LOOK OVER HERE!” you heard a male voice yell, it was coming closer to the door. “RYUU, WHAT DO YOU MEAN- OH!” a short guy with a blonde streak of hair made eye contact with you, his eyes full of energy. He ran to the door and opened it completely for you. by this time, the whole gym is now aware of your existence.

“So, what’s a cute girl doing here? Waiting for someone-” The boy named “Noya” was then promptly picked up along with his friend, “Ryuu” by a tall boy with brown hair and kind chestnut eyes. “My apologies, what do you need?” he asked with a smile. You then saw a boy with orange hair jumping up and down.

“Kageyama, look how pretty she is! Is she gonna be a manager? Hey! Are you gonna be a manager? Your very pretty!” his sweet attitude and words reminded you of what you were there for, who you were there for. You chuckled, rubbing your hand on the back of your neck.

“Thank you for your compliments but I’m just here to walk home with my friends after they’re both done with practice, I don’t mean to be a bother. To apologize, would you like some brownies? I think I brought enough for everyone here-” you were cut off by the two boys who first greeted you praying and crying out of joy. 

“Well, if you don’t mind then we’d love some! I’m Daichi Sawamura, the captain of the volleyball team” He shook your hand, his grip was just tight enough and his hands where calloused and warm, you were then met with a boy with long hair and some stubble hunching over, his hand rubbing his neck as he flashed a shy smile and bowed and thanked you. You saw so many different looking people, the skinhead and blonde streak boy seeming to be the most energetic out of the team. You finally were met with Yamaguchi jogging over to you after seemingly talking to Tsukishima. 

“Hey, Y/N! Thank you for coming, I appreciate it!” Tadashi smiled brightly. “Oh yeah- I, um... this is me and Tsuki’s friend: Y/N!” he stumbled on his words because of how many eyes were onto him.

“Y/N? Why are you here?” Tsukishima sounded frustrated “Tsuki, let her explain! Please?” only to be answered with a “Shut up, Yamaguchi.” in an icy cold tone, icier than usual. “Well, I just wanted to see if you were okay, and in all honesty, I wanted to talk to you privately-” you said, trying to calm the thumping of your heart.

“Y/N, if I was avoiding you, it was for a reason, now leave.” He snapped, the whole gym was quiet, no sound of balls, just everyone holding their breath. “Tsukishima, please hear me out-” you were once again cut off by the harsh words of one of your closest friends.

“Y/N. I don’t care about what you want to say to me, shut up and leave.” his words made you hold your breath, choking back the salty tears with a warm smile and a bow and you reached into your bag to grab a small dinosaur plushie. You handed it to him without a word, left the bag of sweets with the boys, said goodbye, and then ran out the door. you heard the faint yell of Yamaguchi and Daichi saying something. 

You could only imagine how awkward the team felt, you felt bad for coming, felt horrible for bothering him so much. You knew deep down that you did nothing wrong, that he just had to learn how to cope with his emotions, but that didn’t change the ache in your heart as your feet carried you to the street. You were aimlessly running until you were met with a stop sign, the red lights from the stoplights illuminating your skin with the bright blue.

You just aimlessly walked around the streets, not caring where you’re heading, where you are. Your tear-stained cheeks being wiped away by your sweater sleeves. The moving of cars and the small amount of business on the streets welcoming your bad mood. A tune of humming met your ears as you looked around yourself. You had somehow managed to run yourself to Shiratorizawa Academy. Honestly, now that you think about it, your feet do feel sore after walking for so long.

"Hey! Whatchu doin' here? That uniform means your from Karasuno, right?" only to be met with a perky male voice, he sounded mischievous. you turned around to see a tall boy with sanpaku eyes and a mischievous smile. His hair was a medium red and his eyes were sunken in, but not dull. But as soon as he saw your tired eyes and your tear-stained cheeks his demeanor changed. “Hey, are you okay? Can I do anything to help?” by this time you had already cried all your tears, so you just simply asked him to listen, and listen he did.

He never interjected, but he was paying attention, nodding with you while walking into Shiratorizawa. You two were met by three boys, one with black hair and a bowl-cut, one with peach hair and slanted bangs that you giggled at, and a very tall man with broad shoulders and olive hair. Tendou had asked you if he could explain what happened and the team let you in with open arms.

“So, I know what I’m about to say doesn’t justify his actions at all! I’m not that stupid!” you giggled at his lightheartedness “But, ya know how parents often tell girls ‘If he hits ya, he likes ya?’ yeah, that’s the vibe I’m getting off of Mr. Four-eyes here.” he sighed “Still doesn’t mean much when he treats ya like garbage- I’m so sorry by the way- oh wait! I haven’t even introduced myself; I’m Tendou Satori! I’m a middle blocker for Shiratorizawa’s volleyball team. I guess not all volleyball boys are bad, huh?” he stuck his tongue out at you playfully and smiled.

He was so nice to you, hell, the whole team was so nice to you! but little did you know that your phone was blowing up with messages from Yamaguchi. He wasn’t going to forgive Tsukishima that easily after what he had done.

And Tendou said that if they ever played Karasuno, he wouldn’t go hard on him, but he knew he was lying, just a little bit. Hey, it isn’t cool to leave a girl crying in the middle of the street ya know?

Thank you so much for reading and requesting again, it means so much to me!

this is also my first fic that i wrote for someone who isn’t a close friend, so thank you so much!

-Amphii

[gogiberries]

Hi so I’ve had this in my head for a few days now

It’s basically how i see the Nanami x Gojo relationship (but it’s more sad than anything else tbh)

⚠️ spoilers ahead for those who haven’t read the manga!

Please enjoy this disgustingly long thread <3

- okay so the way they started was out of convenience/ desperation

- Geto left the school and abandoned Gojo

- Nanami lost Haibara

- So the two ended up just trying to find some sense of comfort and understanding in each other

- Gojo was the one to start it though

- I see Nanami as the type to just suffer silently with his pain and loss, so Gojo had to have made the first move

- They were still students and now they had to pair up for training more often

- Gojo did consider Shoko before Nanami, but he knew that she wouldn’t give him any chance because she saw the start and finish of him and Geto

- Gojo also didn’t want to go to some stranger because he couldn’t lay it all out to someone who didn’t understand sorcery and explain the heavy chip Geto left on his shoulder

- So Nanami, the guy who also just lost someone & who is up to date with the Geto stuff is a perfect candidate for Gojo

- Gojo starts teasu Nanami about how he needs to get stronger during sparring

(this just pushes the “have get stronger for Haibara/ not end up like him” notion in Nanami’s head)

- And one day Gojo just switches to heavy flirting

- Nanami is like ‘???’ but he chalks it up to Gojo just being his weird self

- But the flirting continues

- And Gojo being Gojo, he just keeps getting more direct until one day he just flat out asks if Kento has thought about fucking him

- Despite the constant flirting and suggestive stuff Gojo has been doing, Nanami is completely thrown off

- “What the fuck are you saying” is probably what he’d say, a slight blush forming on his face

- “Cmon dont lie, you’re saying it hasn’t crossed your mind once or twice when we spar?” Gojo would tease

- And Nanami would immediately deny it

- And Gojo would push it even further and say

“oh? That’s too bad, cause I sure have thought about fucking you“

- Now Nanami is blushing hard, face feeling too hot

- “Quit saying nonsense and stop lying” Nanami is too strong willed to give into/ believe in Gojo’s offer

- “I’m not~ do you want me to prove I’m not?” Gojo is also too strong headed and now refuses to back down from this thing he started

- Nanami says no, but they can both hear the hesitation in his voice

- Gojo takes this sliver of a chance to kiss the blonde

- Nanami goes to pull him off, but he doesn’t.

- Why? He’s not sure either, maybe it’s because he’s still a bit inexperienced with all of this, or maybe because he’s willing to accept this- whatever this is that Gojo is offering to help distract him from the pain he’s still trying to cope with from losing Haibara

- So he only backs up slightly to tell Gojo they should go somewhere more private

After that, their relationship, if you want to call it that for lack of a better term, begins

- Gojo definitely is the one who takes the most in this relationship

- At first, when he was trying to keep Nanami from regretting his actions and running away, Gojo was gentle and kind. Making sure Nanami felt understood and comfortable with their actions

- But once Gojo saw Nanami was staying, his caring attitude slowly faded

- He would stay to cuddle afterwards, but only until Nanami was asleep, leaving him to wake up by himself in the morning

[ maybe once in a while Gojo would leave a “Sorry I got called in for some mission” half assed excuse ]

- Not by force, but Gojo would make sure he’d get his needs met before Nanami did (definitely half assed in trying to meet Kento’s needs)

- Nanami isn’t stupid, he noticed the change in Gojo’s behavior early on, but being the masochist that he is, he put up with it because it still felt better than remembering Haibara and dealing with that

- Kento definitely noticed when Gojo was at his worst though. When Gojo was okay, he’d put up his usual goofy & cool dude front, and be selfish in bed, leaving the second they were done as if he was too “cool” and “strong” to show sad emotions.

- But when Gojo was really down and haunted with memories of Geto, he would stay the whole night.

- Gojo would be more gentle and slow with his actions, he wasn’t going out of his way to fully please Kento, but it was more like a sympathetic “c’mere let me do it for you” offer

- on those nights, after they were done, Gojo would lay there and hold-genuinely hold- Nanami.

- Nanami could see the accumulated exhaustion and pain in Gojo’s eyes on those days, and like Gojo, he wouldn’t go out of his way to help him. He might offer to be the bigger spoon or not question it when he stayed till morning, but Kento never would ask Gojo if he wanted to talk about it.

- Nanami would also allow himself to be selfish and enjoy the softer and more affectionate actions Gojo would do during these days

The sense of comfort and understanding they felt with one another was odd and definitely unhealthy, but it was better than being left alone with their own thoughts.

And it continued until Gojo was finally graduating and Nanami decided to share the news that he was going to start interning at some office

Gojo was taken back a bit by the announcement. Kento seemed like he would’ve just done the expected thing of graduating and going straight into sorcery work.

- “You really don’t like this sorcery stuff huh?” He’d probably ask him

- “It's all a bunch of shit” definitely a Nanami response

- Gojo was pretty indifferent in Kento’s post graduation plans, so he only gave him and understanding nod

During Nanami’s final year at the tech school, the two drifted apart without much trouble

- Maybe once in a while, when they were both overworked and stressed by their new schedules, they’d come back for one night to each another.

- It wasn’t much different than what they already had though

- Gojo would still only care about getting his first, and Nanami would use the time to space off and just distract himself from his reality

After Nanami graduated and started his salaryman career, their meetups stopped for a good while.

- Besides the fact that the two were now working even crazier schedules, Nanami was the one who wanted to full on quit.

- He was done with jujutsu tech & sorcery, and as he’s done with everything else in his life, he ran away from it

- He’d ignore Gojo’s out of the blue texts, or just give short and dry responses

- Gojo wasn’t really hurt about it, there weren’t any deep emotions formed below the surface of what he and Kento had.

- Though Gojo was very close to calling Nanami the day he dealt with Geto

But just how they were a few years ago as students, the two adults ended up back where they started, in an emotional void induced by stress and the years long accumulation of unattended issues that neither one of them knew how to handle.

- Nanami tried to quit, he really did. But going to company speed dating parties and or blind dates set up by coworkers was too much trouble for him. He was working way over 40hrs a week and had no time to develop a healthy relationship with someone.

- After some big deal falling through with his job, Nanami did what most adults who have little to no healthy coping skills would do. Get drunk and call his fuck buddy

- Gojo thought it was a mistake when Nanami sent him a text with only an address

- Gojo, also having almost no healthy coping skills, immediately called Nanami back to see what the text was about

- And oh.

- Nanami did send it on purpose

- Well. Who was Gojo to say no to a free night of being distracted with no strings attached?

Aaaaaand they were back, dancing the same dance they have been for years.

- Somewhere within those meetups, Gojo finally shared what happened to Geto.

- Nanami didn’t say much, he only said enough to convince Gojo that tonight wasn’t going to go as they usually do.

- Instead Nanami allowed Gojo to drink and let out any and all emotions he had about the incident.

- Gojo was embarrassed the next day thinking about what all he probably said. But he was grateful Nanami chose to be the responsible one and be next to him as he aired out his feelings

- Nanami never brought up that night’s conversation details to Gojo. He just let that night be what it was and moved on (the best thing for the both of them, more so for Gojo tbh)

Now present time, they still do their usual meetups, but maybe it’s the years of life slowly sanding them down because now, it feels more like a weird check up with one another than just a quick hookup

- It started with them just getting drinks for the night, nothing happened, they both just got drunk and passed out in Gojo’s Living room

- Then it slowly progressed from getting a quick bite to eat, to having planned dinners together

- Sometimes it leads to something, sometimes it doesn’t.

- Is it healthier than what they were doing at the beginning? Not really.

- They still don’t share their feelings that openly nor do they go out of their ways to comfort each other.

- But I guess just the mutual understanding from someone who has also lived through some fucked up stuff quietly sharing a drink or meal with you is somewhat comforting and helps you stay grounded.

End.

[riseandfxll]

Retribution, Chapter Eight

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven

Summary - Hailey gets shot while off-duty in a seemingly random attack, but what the intelligence unit uncovers while she’s in the hospital fighting for her life will change everything.

Sincerest apologies for the year long hiatus (if you can call it that). Another apology for the questionable writing - I haven’t written anything besides research assignments for over a year, so I’m a bit rusty, however I lost my tiny little mind over 8x03 & 8x04, so this was me trying to cope. 

[also posted on ff.net and ao3] & as always, story is not beta read (we die like men)

Jay was right, as per usual; the night had dragged on for so long that Hailey was almost certain the universe was messing with her. Even through the exhaustion plaguing every cell in her body, she felt content, Jay was still pressed up against her side in the hospital bed, slowing her heart rate and calming her electrified nerves as the pair continued flipping through the seemingly endless collage of faces that made up Hailey Upton’s career in the police force. It was something that the detective wouldn’t have been able to do with any other person, the memories of hard cases and victims that she had pushed so far down now threatening to escape. 

By the time the sun had risen the pair had been able to put together a list of nine names that were potential suspects. Criminals that Hailey had once locked away to keep innocent people safe, who now walked free once more. Jay was the first to lift the fog that had settled over the room, “I’ll call Vought, let him know we have potential names.” He told her, reluctantly swinging his legs off the side of the bed. “Try get some sleep, yeah?” Jay placed a kiss between her eyebrows, smoothing down her rumpled hair before leaving the room.

Hailey sat in the quiet of her hospital room, the sounds of the machines connected to her by the wires that were still connected to her body echoed through the bare room. In the midst of all the chaos, Kim had managed to bring Hailey her go-bag, which now sat discarded in the corner waiting to be opened. She wouldn’t mind changing into her own clothes, instead of being stuck in a hospital gown that left everything on show for all to see. 

Taking in a deep breath, Hailey pushed herself up the bed, sitting up properly for the first time in almost 24 hours. Holding back a wince, she pushed the bedsheets back until they only covered her feet and ever so carefully manoeuvred her legs off the side of the bed, still trying to fight the persistent pain shooting through her body. Her feet just touching the floor as the door swung open, the fluorescent lights from the hallway barging into the room, along with Jay.

Jay reached her side in a matter of seconds, “What’s wrong? Why are you up? Do you need something?” his hands bracing her, moving to lie her back down.

She pushed his hands back off her, grabbing his shoulder to stay upright on the bed, “well I was trying to get some fresh clothes from my go bag,” she answered, “but I guess now that you’re back you can grab it for me.” She smirked at him playfully, pointing towards the black duffle on the floor.

Jay took a step back, turning in the direction of the bag before picking it up and placing it on one of the chairs. “There should be a button up flannel and a pair of sweats in there,” Hailey told her partner, “hopefully the buttons will make it easier to put on,” she continued, wincing as she tried to roll her right shoulder, even with the meds the doctors had given her, the pain was almost unbearable. 

“You really shouldn’t be moving, Hailey, you need rest.” He told her, putting the flannel and sweats on the bed beside his injured partner. 

“I’m sorry, I was under the impression that your brother was the doctor in the family,” Hailey snorted, a smile taking over her face. 

Jay made a face at her, “At least let me get the nurse to come and help you.” 

“They’re busy Jay, I’m not going to make them come all the way here just to help me put some clothes on.” Reaching for the clothes as she spoke, a wince escaping her lips as she tried and failed to swallow it back down. 

Jay took a step closer to the bed and taking the clothes from where Hailey had failed to retrieve them from and discarded the sweats on the side table before unfolding the shirt, “fine, if you won’t let them help you, at least let me.” His eyes met hers, searching for her response, “unless that’s too weird… or I can call Kim If you want?”

The smile crept back onto her lips as she watched her usually well-spoken and stoic partner fumble and stutter over the words. “It’s fine Jay, I don’t mind you helping me. And besides, it’s 5:30 in the morning. Do you want Kim to murder you?” Hailey joked, receiving a huff of laughter in reply. Kim Burgess was a lot of things, but a morning person, she was not. 

Hailey watched as Jay seemed to be contemplating how to go about dressing her, “let’s start with the sweats, yeah?” she offered, the words bringing jay back from his thoughts.

“Okay, yeah,” he replied, still not sounding completely sure of the situation. He rolled the legs of the grey pants up and crouched down in front of her. This definitely wasn’t what she imagined when she had thought about the detective on his knees in front of her, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t slightly enjoy it. Hailey helped line her first foot up with one of the pant legs, doing the same with the next, holding in a shiver as she felt her partners thumbs brush against her calves.

Jay slid the pants up Hailey’s legs, holding his breath as he felt her skin against his fingers. “Do you want to, uh, try stand up for a second?” he asked, clearing his throat.

Hailey only nodded, not wanting her voice to betray how Jay’s touch made her feel. How it made her react. She took his hand to steady herself, his callused hands rough but comforting against her hands, she felt safe with him. When they were together, it was as if none of the things that lurked in the shadows could get her. 

She braced her other hand against his shoulder as she let’s her feet touch the floor, feeling the cool of linoleum even through her socks as Jay began sliding the sweatpants up her legs, the warmth of the fabric a stark contrast to the cool of his touch.

He felt his heart start to race as he slid the pants up her thighs and under the stiff fabric of her hospital gown, listening to her breath become heavier, and the weight of her hands on his shoulders become more obvious as she fought to keep upright. Allowing his fingers to brush against the soft skin of her thighs as he started to stand; pulling the waistband over her hips to sit on waist, allowing his hands to rest over the fabric. 

Hailey lifted her head, her eyes meeting the intoxicating green of Jay’s, a slight smile toying on her lips as she whispered, “you know, if this whole detective thing doesn’t work out, you’d make a pretty decent nurse.” 

His eyes didn’t leave hers as he spoke, a laugh escaping from his throat, “good to know, I’ll make sure to keep that in mind.” Now it was his turn to lose his breath as he felt one of her hands slide from his shoulder to cup his jaw, a finger running over the slight stubble he’d let grow. 

“Hailey…” he breathed, trying to hide the shakiness in his voice. God, he was absolute putty in her hands and she’d barely even touched him. 

Hailey’s breathing was equally as shaky as she smiled at him, still moving her thumb against his cheek.

Tears threatened to fall as he returned her smile, “I was so scared, Hails, I-I don’t know what I would have done if you had died…” this time he didn’t try to hide the emotion in his voice as he spoke, “I thought I’d lost you.” 

She used her hand to guide him down, his lips meeting hers. The kiss was soft, as if to say “I’m right here, Jay. I’m not going anywhere.”

She felt her own tears fall down her cheeks as they finally separated, giving him a small smile as their eyes met once more. “You know, this was the first time someone has put more clothes on me before kissing me.” 

Jay choked out a laugh “I guess I’m just not like the other guys then” he spoke, his words full of the humour and comfort that is always there when they’re together, bringing his lips back down to hers to kiss her once more.