#it's so fundamental to how people feel about themselves and i just can't find anything that matches what people say it is

[fairuzfan]

hello!! I don't know if this is appropriate (pls do not feel obligated to answer) but i was wondering what were ur thoughts on the israeli grass-roots movement Standing Together. I first found out abt them through a tumblr post that shared this substack article (https://theconnector.substack.com/p/if-its-not-helping-then-shut-the). the article immediately put an extremely bad taste in my mouth towards the movement and its founders, but i dont know if i'm being overly-critical of them.

Hey thanks for sending this in. No worries, it's totally ok. I was actually debating whether or not to publish this, mostly because I was afraid this would distract from Gaza, but I decided that it's imperative to stop normalizers from squeezing their way into the movement. Remember, the demands of the Palestinian people begin and end with liberation. Everything else is irrelevant and pointless to the cause.

So first off — I don't think you're being overly-critical of them at all. The first red flag of both this article and the group themselves is that they often exchange "Palestinian" with "Arab" and "Israeli" with "Jewish." That right off the bat shows me they have no respect for Palestinians and see Jewish people and Palestinians as mutually exclusive categories. I've spoken on this blog before about how racist it is to assume no Palestinian is Jewish and vice versa and this group really illustrates the forced division they imagine within their own goals and wording.

The article itself is quite anti-Palestinian in its erasure — it talks about avoiding words like "genocide," and "apartheid," and "ethnic cleansing" because "they are serious people trying to actually get something done." I really don't understand why not using those words makes you a serious person. If anything, it erases a description of how to define what it happening to Palestinians.

The whole redefinition of "peace" in this article and group is just calmness. These people are not advocating for peace in which families are reunited and land is given back — they are advocating for a muted version of the status quo of the current political system, just with less obviously fanatical governments. Peace cannot be attained when the people directly affected cannot have a say in defining it. They won't even say the word "apartheid." It's not some scholarly word with no meaning — it has actual consequences and effects on people (click). Palestinians are tried in military court. Their movement is monitored and restricted. It means that there are different legal systems for different people (click)! If you reject that this exists, then you're not interested in making the lives of Palestinians better — you're only interested in making your own life more comfortable.

As soon as you remove our ability to say words like "genocide" and "apartheid", you remove our ability to determine what happens specifically to Palestinians based on racism. By only saying "Palestinians are getting killed" an Israeli can come in and say "well so am I, by Hamas! Let's work together to end the killing" when it ignores that this is a systematic effort to completely wipe out all trace of Palestinians from the world.

It's like saying, "Don't say you have arthritis, say your joints hurt. And well, that happens to everyone, so let's just find a way to stop all our joints from hurting!" Then you work with people who fundamentally don't understand your pain and symptoms, oversimplifying your situation to the point of malicious universality. Sure, everyone's joints hurt, but my joints are hurting because my immune system is attacking them, not because of old age. You can't help my arthritis the same way you can wear a heat/cold patch to sooth your joints — there are other problems you're ignoring that all work together to cause me systematic pain and might cause bigger problems in the future if left untreated properly.

Similar symptoms don't mean similar causes and ignoring that is fundamentally ignoring the root issue and attempting to trivialize Palestinian's suffering. As soon as you take away the words to describe our situation, it doesn't sound so bad, does it?

Now, basically, the... weirdest part of the article is this excerpt:

People like him in Israel are very aware of how the left here is talking about them, and it’s not helping. “You can call me a colonizer or a settler,” he declared, “but I’m not going anywhere. And neither are the Palestinians.” When people chant, “Palestine will be free,” he said, “we Israelis hear, ‘without you.’ In the same way that a lot of Palestinians hear the ministers in Bibi’s government speak and think they want to do the same thing to them.” The problem as they both see it is that we are caught between two polar opposites. “Hamas believes in Greater Palestine,” Green said. “And on the other side we have people who believe in the idea of Greater Israel.” Indeed, that concept is in the charter of Netanyahu’s Likud Party. “Both sides have very problematic governing bodies,” he added. And the status quo of maintaining the occupation and managing the conflict has been exploded now.

Well, first off, Hamas is not the only one who believes in "Greater Palestine." Palestinians around the globe have been fighting for that since 1948. Second off, it's quite odd that you would center yourself in the wake of the ongoing slaughter of 10,000 people, with no end in sight. Right now, I would assume you'd be advocating for an end to the mass killings first and foremost, but you seem to be more worried about your right to stolen land.

Third, this completely erases the violence done to Palestinians the past 75+ years in favor for a "peace" that will only allow citizens of Israel comfort in their lives. Sure Palestinian citizens of Israel might have more comfortable lives, maybe (although I doubt it). But what about Gaza, which has been ravaged by Israel? What about the people in the Occupied Territories, whose economy depends on Israel, which controls it? What about the millions of refugees around the world who can't so much as see the place where they grew up because they've been exiled? The colonization of Palestine by Israel is not so old — there are people STILL ALIVE who participated in the massacres of Palestinians in 1948 and 1967 and walk around without facing any real consequences for that. My great-grandmother had seen both and she only passed away a couple of years ago. Where is the "peace" for her? Where is the "peace" for millions like her who still dream of going back to their childhood home?

This group AND the article tries to cloud your view into illustrating two opposing groups with equal power. They aren't. Palestinians, unfortunately, endure systematic oppression both within Gaza and throughout Palestine. Each and every time they try to resist peacefully, they've been shot, abducted, or imprisoned. The Great March of Return is one such example. BDS is also an example, yet that has constantly been outlawed by American governments. There have been a plethora of Palestinian artists, writers, and filmmakers who have been silenced or killed for advocating for a Free Palestine. Most recently, this included Heba Abu-Nada who was an award winning poet and writer who was martyred on October 20th after getting shelled by an Israeli missile. Ghassan Kanafani also was assassinated last century. The list goes on. Palestinians have no hope of "changing the system from within" because that internal change will always depend on the mercy of the Israelis that pretend to ally themselves with the Palestinians. Someone in Gaza cannot leave their refugee camp and go back to their ancestral home because no one in this group is advocating for that — and remember, the right of return is an essential part of the demands of the Palestinian people and we cannot ignore that for a forced "peace" that favors calmness over actual justice.

Now as we examine the group themselves, here is their mission statement/goal:

Standing Together is a progressive grassroots movement mobilizing Jewish and Palestinian citizens of Israel against the occupation and for peace, equality, and social justice. We know that the majority have far more in common than that which sets us apart and only a tiny minority benefits from the status quo. The future that we want-peace and independence for Israelis and Palestinians, full equality for everyone in this land, and true social, economic, and environmental justice — is possible. To achieve this future, we must stand together as a united front: Jewish and Palestinian, secular and religious, Mizrahi and Ashkenazi, rural and urban, and people of all genders and sexual orientations. As the largest Jewish-Arab grassroots movement in Israel, we are committed to creating an alternative to our existing reality and building the political strength to make this transformation possible.

Yet again, they are separating "Palestinian" and "Jewish," reinforcing this dichotomy that's so harmful. AND they're interchanging "Palestinian" and "Arab," which erases the diversity within Palestinian society. A group that makes the distinction between "Palestinian" and "Jewish" shows that they are not interested in the restitution of Palestinians but rather solidifying their own position within society by emphasizing a false dichotomy between "Palestinians" and "Jews" with no potential for overlap.

They mention "true justice" but "true justice" doesn't exist if there are no reparations towards the people who have been exiled and displaced, murdered, and tortured the past 75+ years. Justice is not an abstract concept — it is adhering to the demands of the people most impacted by systematic oppression, which is the Palestinians.

Looking at their leadership, there are only a couple of Palestinians with the vast majority of them being non-Palestinian. Sorry, but I'm wholly uninterested in "peace" and "equality" movements that are not made up of majority Palestinians. It's only common sense that you would expect such a movement to be led by Palestinians themselves — but this group seems to use Sally Abed as a token Palestinian who furthers their narrative of wanting "peace" in Israeli society. And even looking at their action items, you can see they make a point about emphasizing safety for the *Israeli* citizens above all else, stating that their far right government does nothing to serve the citizens of Israel. They claim it will also bring safety for Gazans, but how? You can advocate for a change in the government, yes, but if the people in Gaza are subject to getting their rights taken away based on the whims of whoever happens to be in power then no amount of "internal" activism in Israeli society will help them. They will always be at the mercy of the people who have a vested interest in erasing the people of Gaza and the West Bank so that they may take over their land.

Please remember, the civil rights movement of the 60s and the BLM Movement of this century were led by and FOR Black people of the United States because they were the ones making the demands for a change in their circumstances. Because at the end of the day, the people who are the most oppressed deserve the right to decide how their future appears and should not be dictated by the oppressor in any way.

This group tries to make a separation between the "Israeli people" and the "Israeli government." Right away, I have to laugh. They act as if the colonization of Palestine is too old for anyone to remember its origins — no. I had family living in Palestine as recently as '67. Maybe *this* generation didn't choose to settle in Palestine, but the previous generation did. And the generations before that. Before 1948, Israel didn't even exist. Hell, before a couple hundred years ago, BORDERS didn't exist. Not to mention, mandatory conscription means that most civilians will have been directly part of the suppressing forces, making them liable for the material effects of colonization. Why are people so resistant to the idea of undoing colonialism and its effects? I cannot think of any other reason than because they have a vested interest in keeping those borders up, in emphasizing nationality because they're one of the groups of people that is benefited from the establishment of a "Jewish State."

So in that, unless you call for an end to the idea of the "Jewish State" in Palestine, then I cannot think of you as a sincere advocate for Palestinian rights — this group especially plays at normalization of a muted version of the status quo rather than actual justice and reparations. The "Israeli advocates" within this group will benefit first and foremost in their own activism — therefore it's hard for me to view them in a positive light.

All activism for Palestinians should center around giving Palestinians reparations, as well as giving reparations to all indigenous victims of colonization. I think this group only tries to muddy the waters to make people forget what they're fighting for. I honestly do not understand why liberation scares you, if it means that no nation-state will have complete and total power over you and your family.

"Free Palestine" is an anti-colonial movement. Such a thing is possible — but you have to try to make it possible. Those against the unending liberation of all people are one of those who have the most to benefit from the continuation of colonization.

Right now, your main concern should be the people of Gaza and the people of the West Bank, and ensuring their safety and longevity in the face on continued erasure. "Peace" is all well and good but who exactly gets to define that? Who gets to benefit most from it? Unless you can unequivocally answer "ALL Palestinians," then you're not an ally — you're only interested in helping yourselves.

Remember — the fact that we even had to fight for our rights is itself an injustice. At the very least, ask the people who are most affected what they want before you listen to Israelis who have a vested interest in keeping the state of Israel alive.

[marezablr]

i think the thing that's funny about gohan is that if you take canon at face value, you have to accept he doesn't "have trauma." canon is fundamentally more interested in big intense emotions and drama than the smaller moments (although it still has those, and they can be really touching). this is not a deficit! dragon ball is a series where someone you love dies, and you scream so big you get superpowers. it's great.

so taking canon for what it is, gohan has experienced traumatic events, but he doesn't have any trauma from them. it has had no effect on him.

but if you want to understand him as having trauma, then the obvious reading is that gohan takes on the "just a guy" genre of having a trauma. the kind where you cannot get him to admit that he even experienced trauma, let alone that it did anything to him.

being dumped in the woods for six months should have affected him developmentally? sure, it was scary and weird at first, but then it was kind of fun, really!

watching people die at age five should have affected him? no, it's okay, most of them came back. it's sad about the ones who didn't, but it's important to mourn your losses and go forward in honor of their memories!

the world being put on his shoulders when he was eleven might have messed him up? that was hard, but it did have to be him. and he messed up, but his dad told him not to feel bad. his dad wouldn't want him to dwell!

everyone who put him in dangerous situations loved him, and they're his heroes, and gohan really was uniquely powerful, and the world was really at stake, so he did uniquely have to be involved. no one did anything wrong. besides, it was kind of hard, but nothing is wrong with him. he's just a guy.

he's aggressive about protecting his normal life and had a hard time even knowing what "normal" looked like, but he's just a guy. he didn't want pan to see people being killed, but there were no consequences when that happened for him. he's just a guy. his rage is something he avoids like it scares him, but his emotional regulation is great, really!

none of it had a negative effect on him. it was hard sometimes, but he learned a lot of things, and he's fine now. he's just a guy.

you will never get any of the big, obvious signs of trauma out of gohan (again: canon is pretty content that he's happy and well-adjusted!), but you can find trauma responses if you want by leaning into that. that's the kind of trauma response where people don't admit it to themselves, where they constantly minimize and excuse what happened (they love me, they never wanted to hurt me, therefore i can't have been hurt). the kind of trauma response that only comes out in weird leakages, in little comments and odd irrational behaviors—and then, occasionally, all at once in blinding moments of uncharacteristic emotional outbursts.

but that's not a big deal. it's just how his power boosts work, he guesses? it's a saiyan thing, probably!

don't worry about it. it's all okay. none of it was that bad.

he's just a guy!

[xf-cases-solved]

i wrote a fic inspired by this post i made, about how william should have been a girl named samantha and how i will die on that hill with honor. see below, or click this link to be directed to my ao3, if you so desire

Title: the bitter and the sweet

Rating: Gen

Word Count: ~2400

Back on the vineyard, before Samantha had been taken and the four of them had approximated something approaching a family unit, Mulder's mother would make homemade bread on Sunday afternoons.

The process had always fascinated him—the way she could parse out units of flour, sugar, water, and yeast and combine them together into something that, only hours later, would have the whole house smelling of an artisanal bakery, the atmosphere somehow made warm and inviting by the wafting scent of baking bread. When he was really little—when the biggest unexplained phenomenon to him was the Tooth Fairy—baking seemed like magic to him, and his mother was its wielder. 

How else, he'd figured, could she be able to take all those separate ingredients—banal and basic on their own—and turn them into something incredible?

Tonight, Mulder's feeling a little like how he did when his mother would make bread, only on a much, much grander scale. 

He's finding himself believing in magic, and this time, Scully is its wielder. It's no great surprise to him that she's powerful—he's known that from the start—but it wasn't until he'd found her drenched in sweat, tear tracks down her cheeks, blood staining the insides of her thighs, and a tiny child cradled protectively against her heaving chest that he'd learned that she was a magician, too. 

Out of two ingredients, Dana Scully has made a person.

Mulder has seen things in his lifetime that go far beyond the laws of nature. He's seen ghosts and ghouls; monsters, both bestial and human alike; he's seen proof of life outside this planet time and time again; he has died, his body buried six feet beneath the ground for months, and he's come back to life.

And yet, somehow none of that compares to witnessing the miracle of the most basic, fundamental tenet of existence: Reproduction. Something so innate—the instinctive need to replicate oneself so that one's lineage may live on in perpetuity. Hundreds of thousands of human babies are born a day; if he had known, like really known, how remarkable that is, maybe he would have decided that anything beyond it was simply above his pay grade and given up trying to understand the Universe long ago.

He hears the front door click shut as the Gunmen show themselves out, and yet he doesn't move just yet. He has to take a breath first—has to give himself a moment to shake his head in awe. On the other side of this doorway is his brand new life, and it's daunting to know you're about to walk into a fresh existence.

But no amount of anxiety can outmatch his need to see her. To see them. 

He'd had such little time with them before, and there had been so much chaos going on around them that he hadn't been able to appreciate what he did get, and he's trying not to feel resentful about it. The baby's healthy, Scully's healthy, and in the end, that's what matters most, but still, he can't help but feel robbed on Scully's behalf. On his own behalf, too, if he's being honest. 

After everything she has gone through—after the multitudes of hellfires she's walked through since the day she first stepped into his office—Scully deserved a beautiful pregnancy, with an equally beautiful birth. After everything he's gone through—after every chance he's lost to show the breadth of his love to the people who own his heart—he deserved to care for her, from week one to week forty, and to be by her side as she performed magic in a clean delivery room, with freshly laundered receiving blankets on hand, and the reassurance of trained professionals nearby should something go wrong. Something so precious should have never been shrouded in so much trauma.

It should have been different. They had earned different. 

But he's not going to dwell on it, at least not right now. Maybe in a quiet moment, when his family (his family!) is asleep and peaceful, he'll grant himself the space to feel the bitter in this sweet. 

But that's for later. 

Right now, he has to go to them; he can feel their thrall like the arrow of a compass being pulled north by the Earth's magnetic core, and this hallway suddenly feels a lightyear away from where he's meant to be, the space between them and himself a wormhole, where on his end there's the life he's led until now, and on the other side lies a brand new world he can't even begin to fathom the extent of just yet.

So he walks through the doorway, bending time, stepping out of one reality and into the next. He doesn't mourn what he's left behind—everything that matters now exists inside this room.

"How's everybody doing?" he asks, and if she can hear the thread of anxiety rumbling through his words like a shockwave beneath a tectonic plate, she doesn't mention it—merely smiles widely at him, the corners of her tired eyes crinkling. She's already so tiny, but the giant swaddling of blankets and baby in her arms covers half her torso, making her look even smaller. 

Small, but so incredibly, incredibly strong.

"We're doin' just fine," she says, standing up from the edge of the bed, a hand gently patting the baby's back through the cushion of blankets. As she approaches, he knows his face must look ridiculous—his head shaking in disbelief, his mouth slightly ajar, even as his lips are turned up into a smile, and eyes laser focused on them as though if he so much as blinks they'll disappear—but he can't help it. He's witnessing magic; of course he's awed. 

The baby snuffles grumpily at being jostled, as Scully moves the whole bundle into his expectant arms.

"Hey now," he mutters to the child. "None of that."

He gets the baby's head settled into the crook of his elbow, and the amount of protectiveness that swells within him is so sudden and intense that it almost takes his breath away. 

Words fail him; there isn't a language, on this planet or the next, that could ever properly convey the weight of his thoughts, so he just smiles at Scully and breaths a shaky, "Hi," before turning back to the baby, his body rocking to-and-fro gently on its own accord, and that's something, isn't it? That he instinctively knows how to soothe.

He surveys the baby's face with the focus one would use to parse out a magic-eye poster. He's searching for familiar features, and memorizing all the shapes and slopes and colors that have come together to create the breathtaking picture before him. A long time ago, he remembers calling his eidetic memory a curse, and at the time it had felt true, because in his line of work he saw so many horrible, wretched things, and it would have been a mercy to be able to forget them.

He doesn't consider it a curse now. He thinks that, maybe, he was actually bestowed a blessing, and he just hadn't realized it because it had always been meant for this exact moment in time.

This is... this is a lot. 

A lot, a lot, a lot.

Mulder has always known that he has a tendency to love at a magnitude so severe it is almost to his detriment; he knows that his heart has always been his biggest strength and biggest weakness in equal measure. Once, not long after a bullet had cracked his skull, he had found his way to Antarctica, armed with a vial of antidote, an unreliable compass, and a decent coat, and through the force of his love, he had brought Scully home with a clean bill of health, say for a bit of freezer burn on her cheeks. His love is so mighty, it is almost a type of magic in itself.

But he has never felt love like this before.

He's not even sure if it is love, the feeling so foreign and all-consuming.

He wants to cry with the might of it—feels so full of emotion that he could stand in the center of a field and scream it at the sky until his voice goes hoarse, and even then the precarious glass of his heart would still be dangerously close to overflowing. For all the things he's believed in his life, the hardest thing for him to wrap his head around is the idea that he is capable of loving this big.

"What are you going to call her?" he finds the words to ask. 

Her.

Somehow, the simple use of a pronoun tilts the world on its axis. He thinks it has to do with abstractions. Since he returned from the dead, they've only spoken about her in the abstract. "The baby." "This child." A nameless, faceless, sexless concept that they knew would come into existence one day, but they couldn't quite understand what that existence would mean. 

But she exists now, and she's a she. 

Boy, girl, both, neither—he'd had no preferences nor expectations, but the concreteness of the identifier has his pulse thudding wildly. Scully—the magician and, until very, very recently, the greatest love of his life—has done the impossible and created a person and that person is his... well, they haven't discussed that yet, have they? What he's entitled to referring to her as.

But then she says, "With your blessing"—she's quiet and shy about this, but still meets his eyes with her usual amount of confidence—"I wanted to name her Samantha." 

In some magazine a million years ago, Mulder had read about the art of human suspension. It originates as a spiritual practice that is thousands of years old, wherein people suspend themselves in the air by hooks embedded beneath their skin, and at the time he had been, of course, open and respectful of the concept, but did not particularly see the appeal. While he understood it in theory, without experiencing it, he couldn't quite see how one could endure such intense pain and be grateful for it. To feel revived by it. To feel complete. 

There are no hooks in his skin—he's not hanging from any banisters, trying to reach enlightenment—but he definitely has a better grasp on the practice now. In six words, Scully has taught him how to feel honored by pain. 

This is, he thinks, the utter definition of bittersweet, because god, it's so bitter, but god, nothing has ever been so sweet.

His instinct is to make a joke, because that's what he does when he gets overwhelmed. Maybe make a quip about seeing some of Walter Skinner in this little girl's face, is there something she wants to tell him...? But, unfortunately, it seems that his throat is closing up, so no jokes today, he supposes. Nothing to cover the rawness of his emotion as he blinks the tears out of his vision so that he can see his daughter clearly.

Because that's what she is—Scully just said as much. This is his daughter, named after an aunt she'll never get to meet, but whose memory will live on through her. 

"She deserved so much better than the short time she got," Scully is saying, and although he wants to look at her, he can't because that would mean looking away from his daughter, and that's not possible at the moment. "Mulder, every step we've taken that has gotten us to this point has been because of your love for her. Your search, your passion—everything that brought us together—it's because of her. And through you, I've grown to love her, too. She had no choice in making her sacrifice, but I want to acknowledge it anyway. I want... Mulder, I want our daughter to carry a name that symbolizes enduring strength, and unimaginable bravery, and, more than anything else, infallible, everlasting love." Her hand comes to rest on his wrist. "But only with your blessing, Mulder."

Mulder closes his eyes, a teardrop or two escaping and sliding down the bridge of his nose as he leans forward and presses his forehead gently against his daughter's. He breathes in deep, centering himself and righting his world with the scent of baby powder. Scully waits patiently, her thumb tracing small circles around the circumference of his wrist joint. Finally, he straightens himself out and looks at her.

Once again, language leaves him wanting. 

He settles on a whispered, shaky, "Thank you," that cracks his voice. 

He's thanking her for the in memoriam, certainly, but for so much more than that as well. 

Thank you, he means, for your magic that brought her into this world.

Thank you, for granting me entry into your body so that I could help you make this child, as much as I could.

Thank you, for saving my life, again and again and again and again, so that I can be here to experience true bliss for the first time.

Thank you, for stepping into my office the better part of a decade ago and, against all good judgment and reason, staying by my side ever since.

Thank you, for letting me love you.

Thank you, for loving me in return.

Scully gives a half smile and a nod; he has no doubt that she hears everything he doesn't say, because while all other languages are limited, they have long since created their own mode of communication that only the two of them speak.

There are conversations they need to have. The trauma of Samantha's birth is still shrouded in mystery; the fact that she wasn't taken from them has created more questions than it has provided answers, and that needs to be acknowledged. 

They have to talk about what happens next. What are their roles now? To the world. To their daughter. To each other.

That can all be discussed later, though, when language doesn't feel so useless, and his heart does feel so bruised and battered from all the bitter and all the sweet.

He does the only thing he could possibly do in this moment, and that's lean down and press his lips to hers. She kisses back, one hand holding him by the elbow, Samantha bracketed by their bodies, keeping her safe.

Since he was twelve years old, Samantha has been his driving force.

Today, she still is, but in a different form. A different life.

Mulder loves his baby sister.

Mulder loves his baby daughter.

He thinks he might go into the kitchen tomorrow, and bake Scully a loaf of bread.

[militaryshelf62]

you made me think about the triangle fucking the disgusting old man and I don't know how to feel about that

If I have to microwave them in my mind 24/7 then so do y'all

I just can't stop thinking about how funny it would be.

Like. They brush shoulders trying to pick pocket one another. They both scare kids on Summerween. They have epic fights trying to one up each other in their dreams. They both get hooked on Fights and The Duchess Approves.

Bill literally haunts the writers and show runners if they make something Bill and Stan hate canon.

Stanley indirectly teaches bill to be human by treating him as an equal. None of the, "Its okay, you're still learning."

Stan looks him in the eye and says, "You're no better than me." and for once bill has to face his past and really look at himself.

They fall in love but it isn't a pretty start.

Their love is a, "I know you like I know myself." it's them learning to find value in themselves without changing who they are fundamentally. They become good people, but they're still themselves.

(Went on a rant there lmao. i just love the idea of them being in love!Thanks for the message btw i found it delightful (I'm being serious) and I love getting to talk about them!

if anything doesn't make sense in this rant its ok because right now the room hurts to look at

I'm going to bed now its almost 2 in the morning and I have a migraine :] )

[teawinx]

Hello there! I just recently came across your blog, and really love your Naruto art! Especially your Sakura content. You give her the justice that she should have gotten in the canon material. Short haired Saku for the win!

However, I’m curious. What are your feelings on Hinata? I like her, but also find that I unfortunately have some bitterness towards her. Not because of the character herself (though she has her issues, and I fully believe she deserved better too), but because of her fandom and how the fanbase holds her to such high regard. She suffers from the same problems as Sakura, dare I say even worse, but people will find any excuse in the point to justify her actions and lift her up. Though I will say that most of the blame lies with SP and their very creepy fetishization of her- who mind you, was a minor for most of the series. It’s like if you even have the slightest criticism of her, your attack for it. But I don’t know. I hope you have a good day!

Hi there!

Thank you so much! I love my girliepop Sakura, she deserves feral rat rights

Hinata? Yeah I have quite a few feelings about her. Namely the feeling of "I like you and I wish you got more"

Hinata is depressingly the only girl from the Konoha 11 to have been given a story and setting that wasn't about boys. Heiress to one of Konoha's major clans but was kicked out in favour of her younger sister? A clan that's fundamentally shitty and they went into depth showing how shitty it is to its own members? There's a LOT that could have been done here.

But unfortunately this was all forgotten about and replaced with her whole existence revolving around Naruto and it's a darn shame.

I don't feel bitterness towards her or anything, just sadness. Grieving what could have been.

I couldn't tell you for certain why Hinata was favoured over Sakura, despite the two being so similar. Hinata's design is very appealing to some, and people seem to be drawn to shy cute girls (I see you, Fluttershy stans). Why I don't know. But it is frustrating as a Sakura stan to see your fav being criticized while Hinata gets praised for the same thing.

Naruto, the series, was just uninterested in them as characters. Naruto is a fantasy, a character for young teenage boys to project themselves on to. Hinata was made to be appealing to the teenage boy demographic. A pretty shy girl who's completely and utterly devoted to you is pure ambrosia. Sakura wasn't made to fit into that fantasy. She's much more like a real woman in that regard, at least to those who project themselves on to Naruto. And a real woman can't be the perfect little wife in your perfect little fantasy world. That's my personal theory anyway.

All that being said, I do genuinely like Hinata. I think she's wasted and done dirty, but even I have fallen for her core appeal. How much I like her makes me sad that she'll never be treated as a character, she will only ever be a reward.

[clotpolesonly]

i figured out why Declan is my go-to blorbo, and it's because he's one of those characters where i can find common emotional/experiential ground between him and practically every other significant character and that just makes him fascinating to me and so so versatile

Declan and Gansey: repression, repression, repression!! so much anxiety rolled up into a tiny little ball and stubbornly ignored because feelings are unseemly and have no place here. they will feel things when they're dead, thank you very much. responsible beyond their years, on their own/taking care of themselves long before they should have been. tending to other people or the practicalities of the moment take precedence over themselves, at all times. unfortunately, Ronan is very important to them and they will go out of their way to protect him. also the insomnia and the autism vibes.

Declan and Adam: ruthlessly practical people. hard working and ambitious but for a reason, not for its own sake (Adam to get out of the trailer park, Declan to camouflage his other activities). they would rather die than admit to weakness or vulnerability in front of another human being. Do Not Let The Emotions In Or You Will Never Stop. feeling alienated and fundamentally from their peers, and distrustful of/disillusioned by the idea of help from authority figures -- if you have a problem, solve it yourself. both very very accustomed to lying, constantly and about everything, in order to disguise their home situation and deflect attention from anything that might cause people to ask questions. complicated relationships with their mothers, at least partially rooted in negligence and not stepping in wrt the situation with their fathers. and of course, there's a difference in scale and severity, but feeling unsafe due to the aforementioned fathers.

Declan and Blue: the particular brand of resentment that comes with being the only unspecial member of a special family. being the sensible one and stubbornly proud of how well they manage to get by without any of the ✨ super specialness ✨ that everybody else has. torn between wishing and wondering what it would be like to be special too and being desperately grateful that they're not. wishing that somebody would understand how fucking lonely it is knowing that you and your loved ones will never truly understand each other. being too proud to ever admit as much out loud.

Declan and Noah: this one's more nebulous, but the idea of being not fully real, not fully a person, and definitely the idea of not being seen. of being invisible and looked through. Noah's is because he's a literal ghost, obviously, and it's through no fault of his, but Declan has gone out of his way to cultivate that experience, to make himself as overlookable and forgettable as possible, for safety and security. but it doesn't feel good. the erosion of the sense of self as time goes on, worn down by the life they're living. and a shared understanding of being the victim of extreme violence (Noah's murder and Declan's attack by the Grey Man, at least).

Declan and Henry: the children of criminals. burdened with the knowledge of a world -- two worlds tbh, the criminal and the magical -- that they can't speak about to anyone else. socially isolated and starved for emotional connection. uncomfortably comfortable with the violence that has permeated their lives and always acting under the assumption that it can and will find them again.

Declan and the Gray Man: business is as business does and it's not personal. ✨ depression ✨ and going through the motions because this is just their life and they don't have the emotional or mental capacity right now to think of how their life might be changed. making themselves as dull as possible and then not being able to find their way out of the hole they've dug themselves, at least not until someone comes along to remind them of what it feels like to feel things.

Declan and Jordan: repression of self and lack of identity. not being allowed the space to be their own person, always forced to cram themselves into a tiny box for the sake of others. bursting at the seams with dreams that they're not allowed to chase and feelings they're not allowed to express. feeling truly seen for the first time when they meet each other.

Declan and Hennessy: being preceded by the reputation of a parent they resent. living in Niall and JH's shadows, always compared to them, even when they suspect that they may actually be better than their parents at what they do. the struggle not to let that bitterness swallow them whole before they can grow into their own reputations and make names for themselves.

Declan and Farooq-Lane: young professions who have worked very hard, thank you very much, to be as competent as they are. logical thinkers with a brewing storm of emotion that they try not to let interfere with their logical thinking because they know it makes them impulsive and they don't like that loss of control. loss of control is the enemy. they are the only grown-ups in the room and they would rather die than acknowledge that they are actually scared kids in way over their heads. both with complicated feelings about dreamers and deep-seated issues related to their dreamer brothers. also they have very similar taste in women.

honestly, the only people that Declan doesn't have common ground with is his brothers, and that's what makes his relationships with them so interesting and so fraught. there's something to be explored between Declan and Ronan wrt their suicidal ideation (though they have very different flavors of it) and perhaps with them both feeling insecure compared to each other, but so much of their conflict is about just how different their experiences and perceptions and personalities are.

and Declan being unable to relate to Matthew on a personal, empathetic level is probably part of why he finds it so hard to really think of Matthew as a fully independent PERSON in his own right. though, if Declan's experiences with the bag of Niall's memories had gone a little differently, there could have been a connection over the experience of being denied full personhood by a well-meaning but ultimately overbearing and neglectful guardian. 🤔

anyway, these have been my musings on Declan and why he continues to fascinate me. he has the range, darling.

[yandere-fics]

Well, if you want darker asks, this one's been rattling in my brain for a while...

How would your yanderes handle it if their darling was a fundamentally, irredeemably evil person? Like, you can choose how they are evil based on setting, but to one-up rudie let's say they are at least on the level of "serial killer who targets loving parents specifically out of the sheer joy that creating sad orphans gives them". Darlings who are just utter despicable peices of human trash. I suspect the greatest angst in the city, where yanderes are basically soulbound to a worse monster than themselves.

♡ How Would They React To An Evil Darling ♡

♡ Miriel is delusional and will try her hardest to justify anything her darling does but I think this would kill her inside. See part of the reason Miriel only kills for her darling when she feels she has no other choice is because as an elf it's hard for her to be around death. She's very connected to the life that surrounds her so any suffering is going to weigh on her heavily and while she will follow her daling no matter what, it's difficult to see all the carnage they are causing and she would take them with her back to her village where she can lock them away for their own good. ♡

♡ Kassien was a mass murderer in the demon realm and she is only a few steps away from evil cause her kill count on a daily basis is much higher than any of the others but she also prefers her darling to be softer than her and so she will want to train this out of you if possible, otherwise she'll just try to find ways to let you do what you want because she wants to spoil her mate and well she can't deprive you if the thing you want is murder, as much as she would prefer you didn't. Though if you take it too far she'll break your legs and keep you inside so hopefully you'll learn to care about her and only her more instead of killing. ♡

♡ Nikki does not understand what is evil and what isn't. She's possibly the closest thing to evil in my oc lineup but she's not really sadistic unless someone steps out of line so she doesn't fully understand your desire to kill and hurt random bystanders but she just assumes they must have done something for you to be doing this, you are a bad influence on her because now when people bump into her or pass her she'll torture them slightly too because that's what you do though she's not going on murder sprees, she just makes them trapped in their worst nightmares for a couple minutes. ♡

♡ Nora's sense of morality is fucked up, as long as her darling cares about her, she loves them no matter what they chose to do because they are her reason for living. She has spent centuries being a walking death machine, killing without even asking The Boss why, and even prior to becoming The Boss's tamed pet she was a killer for hire. Although she never has really taken pleasure out of killing any of the people she has to, she also is not going to judge anyone who does because every one in the city has reasons for what they do. She's learned that even the most cold blooded killer in the city who she's been sent after has reasons, although she still kills them even after learning why. So an evil darling doesn't bug her, her darling is still the one bright thing in her life. ♡

♡ Rudie only kills for money but that certainly doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy the killing. She takes great pleasure in it and she likes knowing that she's extremely good at it. I wouldn't call her evil but she does very much enjoy the killing and if she ever won the lottery then she would just switch to killing for leisure instead. She herself feels she is evil and she doesn't really care but she would never consider her darling evil. In her eyes anything they do is not as bad as what she has done because she commited her first murder at 5 years old and after that she never really stopped. ♡

♡ Sawyer would burn down her city for her darling if they asked though they would have to give her plenty of affection in exchange. Sawyer adores her city but her darling comes first so if they destroy the lives of a few people then it's okay as long as she fills the void with affection towards Sawyer. For everything they break that Sawyer worked hard to build, they must do something for her to make that sacrifice worth it. She has worked so hard to protect it and has used her life force and the sacrifice of a few... miscreants in order to make it prosper so she would prefer if her darling didn't harm the citizens but she can grin and bear it for her darling's love. ♡

[goodluckclove]

I have spent some time now trying to formulate a question but every time i arrive back at there's probably no answer. OH. So. (Please ignore if you do not want to answer or can't or whatever. I'm thinking instead of sleeping and that tends to lead to strange thoughts.)

Where does creativity come from? Like, how do people get that spark that turns into an idea an universe. How do they step outside what they have experienced (tropes, stories), and... create something of their own.

I don't know. The answer is probably somewhere between "it just comes" and "they listen and notice it" (as in they are not in something resembling chronic creative burnout).

Writing looks fun. Creating stories. Having a world take shape in your imagination. I enjoy getting glimpses into that process and seeing the end products. (I would love to try it myself but it's one of those "so far away i have zero idea where to start" things. Where on the other hand rants, thoughts, concepts *prompted* by anything and routed in something already existing seem to come freely and turn into whole essays (sometimes at least). Oh well.)

I really don't know. Please ignore if this is weird. I should maybe have some water.

Take care if where you are it's also way too hot. Have water or rest or whatever might be good in that moment, if you want. I hope your day goes as well as can be, with nice moments and strength for the hard ones. (How do people end asks i am not good at people today.)

Hi! You sent this to me a while ago and I hadn't answered it, but I've been thinking about it a lot. I think I'm finally settled enough to answer it.

I think every human being - at least every that I've come across - possesses innate creativity and the ability to make art. I never believed in the concept of god-given "talent" and actually find the concept deeply patronizing as, in my mind, it implies no real effort. Which is bullshit. I will call an artist capable, honest, skilled, passionate - I will never call them talented.

Children are creative in their natural state and in their own way. What happens is an exposure to poison over the years. Your favorite books and movies aren't good for the reasons you like them, or if they are it doesn't matter because they're not real art. People project what they think art is onto you and negate any opportunity for you to grow and form your own sense of intuition.

Or you're never given a chance to really explore art at all. No one makes an effort to show you books you can relate to, so you decide you don't like reading. You think the stuff at art museums is just stuffy Old Dead Guy paintings, and since no one suggests you explore otherwise you never explore painting or sculpting as something accessible to you. It's an unbelievable tragedy to me and I cringe inwardly every time someone tells me they just aren't creative.

There are no uncreative people. There are no boring people. There are only people who were lied to and demeaned until they felt the only real option was to deny themselves the language of communicating through art and storytelling. And that's fucking horrible.

So how can you move past that? I talk to a lot of "aspiring writers" (another term I despise), who tell me blocks in their creative process that keep them from doing the work they want to do. Oftentimes I just respond by asking who told you that? Was it a teacher who was unable to finish their novel because of some poison they consumed? A parent who only sees you through the lens of a career they've decided you're meant to pursue to have value in the world? Perhaps a stranger on the Internet who realized that you can gain a facade of illusory "respect" by making individual taste and limited artistic scope as an overall rule of thumb everyone else has to follow?

Once you find the root of what makes you feel fundamentally severed from creativity, you can start to undo the hold it has over you. You might have to start further back than what feels good for the ego. If you struggle to write a long-term project, maybe you just need to write something. Anything. Just play with fragments and develop a foundation of actually confirming you're able to take up space. Because you are and you absolutely should.

Big ramble but this is a really important topic to me. Don't know where to start? There are really no wrong movies! People watch and wonder what their lives are like! Explore a single plot point of character without worrying about an overarching narrative! As discouraging as it can feel to struggle in a way so many other people seem perfectly well-versed in, it is never too late to develop creativity in your life!

[suffersinfandom]

I’m still thinking about dumb discourse because my brain is broken and guys there’s so much “Ed and Stede are not as queer as Izzy” out there what the heck. 

Anyway. I said this in response to a different post:

There are so many ways to be queer and so many kinds of queer experiences. Not everyone is going to see themselves in Ed or Stede, and that's fine. Some people are going to see themselves in Izzy, and that's also fine. What's not fine is asserting that your pet white guy (who, yes, conforms to pirate standards of masculinity better than anyone else on the Revenge) is the only character with a valid queer arc.

But why do some Izzy fans (can we call them Izzy Heads? Izheads? I want a word for that specific flavor of fan) relate only to the queerness in Izzy's story? I can't stop thinking about it.

It seems that at least some people who consider Izzy the best example of queer rep in OFMD do so because they relate to the character. They don’t have a romantic partner or they’re in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way. They’re disabled and focus on the intersection of disability and queerness. They feel as though they’re outsiders, even in a queer community (or a largely queer fandom like this one). They’re not cis men and they’re not trans in the same way as Jim is, so they don’t see their gender explicitly represented onscreen. 

On paper, most of that describes me too. The thing is? I do relate to Stede and Ed and I don’t relate to Izzy at all.

I’m an AFAB nonbinary person who’s physically and mentally disabled. I’m aromantic and asexual with the sliders all set to 100%; I have never so much as dated, and I almost never engage with romantic media because I just don’t get it. I feel like a freak in most circles, like I’m missing a fundamental part of what makes humans human. There isn’t a character in OFMD who shares my specific gender or sexual identity, but Ed and Stede are absolutely queer in ways that are understandable to me and, I think, a lot of other people in this community.

Ed and Stede both grow up and live the first decades of their adult lives in societies that don’t want them to be themselves. Stede can’t love flowers or bright and flashy fashion; he needs to dress down and become a family man. He’s forced to marry a woman he doesn’t love (and who doesn’t love him) and father children to inherit his wealth. Ed can’t fancy a fine fabric or pursue a peaceful life because his world is one that demands cruelty and violence. He has to wrap himself up in leather and layers of myth and legend to survive. They’re both GNC and wearing masks and entirely miserable.

I know -- I think most of us know -- what it’s like to suppress who we are so we can fit in or be who the people around us expect us to be. I think we know what it’s like to be miserable and lonely for ages -- to bury who we really are deeper and deeper until we barely remember who that person is -- right up until we find out that there are people out there who get us. There are places where we can be who we are, or at least experiment a bit and discover ourselves.

Even if we don’t know what it’s like to find a great love like Stede and Ed do, there are parts of their relationship that we understand. I'm sure plenty of us know what it’s like to meet someone who doesn’t ask us to pretend for the first time. We know what it’s like to be on the same silly, stupid wavelength as someone else, and we know how it feels to play with someone who gets us. I think that the friendship that Ed and Stede share, even with the romantic and sexual elements removed, is a distinctly queer one. 

So I guess I still don't know why Izheads only relate to his queer experience when Ed and Stede, in my opinion, are both extremely queer even beyond, like, the thing where they're wildly in love.

I want to think it has something to do with Izzy's status as a side character and not racism, internalized homophobia, or anything else like that. Characters without fully fleshed-out backgrounds provide opportunities to project whatever we want, you know? If you want to see your specific gender or sexual identity in a character, just grab one with little canon lore and fill in the blanks. Maybe I can be happy with characters who aren't just like me, but I don't expect everyone to be content with that.

What was I even typing about?

Oh, right.

Ed and Stede are super fucking queer. You don't have to relate to them because there are infinite ways to be queer, but you do have to acknowledge that there is nothing heteronormative about their relationship or them as individuals.

[best-underrated-anime]

Best Underrated Anime Group J Round 2: #J6 vs #J4

#J6: Students transported to bizarre new realities

#J4: Kids conquering dungeons to change the world

Details and poll under the cut!

#J6: Sonny Boy

Summary:

Thirty-six students find themselves and their school building suddenly adrift in a void-like dimension. When supernatural powers awaken in some of them, a sense of detachment begins to divide the group. Despite the student council's attempts to impose order, they clash with the students possessing special abilities, who rebel against their strict control.

This conflict leads them to discover that this world has its own set of rules—and following them is necessary for survival. After one of the students decides to take a leap of faith, the school switches dimensions once again. While they deal with the unique challenges and circumstances that each world presents, the students must unravel the mysterious phenomenon and find a way back home.

Propaganda:

Sonny Boy is one of the best shows to come out in recent years. The setting and plot is very fantastical, with superpowers and dimension travel, but fundamentally the story is about the characters. The character writing is really unique. Even the side characters feel like real people, not just cheap gimmicks.

But the main draw for a lot of people are the visuals. Sonny Boy looks like no other anime. The backgrounds are just absolutely stunning, and the realistic character design helps contrast the unreality of the world. There are these amazing visual sequences that just blow you away with how creative the writers must be.

I can't say much without spoiling but it's the kind of show you just have to experience. This is the kind of show where people either love it or hate it. If you are looking for clear, linear storytelling, this is not the show for you. If you're looking for a straight mystery where everything is solved in the end, you might be disappointed. If you want to cry, and feel something, and think about what it means to be alive, then I cannot recommend a better show.

Trigger Warnings:

Animal death - a bird died and is used as a metaphor

Flashing lights - many weird kaleidoscope effects and other sequences

#J4: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic

Summary:

A Magi is a magician whose inclination toward magic is so immense that they can be said to shape the world. With their significant influence, each Magi chooses a worthy candidate to become a king, then helps them conquer strange labyrinths called "Dungeons" and acquire the power of mythical djinns within. Above all else, the Magi supervises their elected representative as they build a country that might one day bring the world to its knees.

Aladdin is a young Magi wandering the world in search of his true self. However, his journey is not a lonely one, as he is accompanied by his friend and mentor Ugo—a djinn he summons using his flute. On his travels, Aladdin also befriends Alibaba Saluja and guides him to a nearby Dungeon. With this newfound friendship, they begin an epic adventure across the world, witnessing various irregularities that seem more frequent than ever.

Propaganda 1:

Imagine characters from Arabian Nights/1001 Nights coming to life in an anime. Even though it is loosely inspired off of the tales, it is a unique time and place from most anime settings. It has action, humor, and deep concepts. One of my favorite parts about Magi is how well-developed the background characters are.

Propaganda 2:

This anime has a lot of philosophical takes on what fate is. Basically, is everything that happened to you caused by a force you can’t control or is it what you make of it? Is there something or rather someone pulling the strings on what should or shouldn’t be? Is the person you are because you were lucky or unlucky to be born in the wealthy family or not? Why are things the way they are? Why was I dealt with a shitty hand in life? Is it because I’ll never amount to anything, or is something doing this to me? Why are we here just to suffer kind of deal, but you know not the meme version, the really sad and real version. Then you have the side of the people who may have not had the best life, but found a way out of it. Why do some people get to feel the light when you went through the same thing, but still lost and in the dark?

Trigger Warnings: Partial nudity and slavery. One of the mains is a slave in the beginning, but the other two mains help free her from that.

When reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.

If you want to criticize one of the shows above to give the one you’re rooting for an advantage, then do so constructively. I do not tolerate groundless hate or slander on this blog. If I catch you doing such a thing in the notes, be it in the tags or reblogs, I will block you.

Know one of the shows above and not satisfied with how it’s presented in this tournament? Just fill up this form, where you can submit revisions for taglines, propaganda, trigger warnings, and/or video.

[followerofmercy]

Fanfic 20 questions! I was gonna say 'fuck it I love talking about myself even if nobody tagged me' and then realized @hua-fei-hua already did like. Two weeks ago. Whoops aldsjf I don't check my mentions. ANYWAY THANKS HOMIE

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

Currently 119. Should be 120 in a week or two

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

361,556 published. We can add another 60k that is written but unpublished for Monoceros Novae, 9k miscellaneous Hearthling notes, 24k unpublished honkai notes and another 50k in my general notes document.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively rn, only Genshin and Honkai. I'll write for other stuff when I feel like it.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Missing Person - Hollow Knight, genfic, little ghost and Quirrel - 1500 kudos (this is why small fandoms are the best alsdfj)

I Need to Leave Him Before He Leaves Me - Genshin, Alhaitham/Kaveh - 987 kudos (helped a lot of people think about their autism with this one lmao)

Homeward Bound - Hollow Knight, genfic, little ghost and Quirrel - 757 kudos (Idk why this one blew up. Wasn't that great but I appreciate the attention. Probably people sorting by kudos)

How 4.1 Should've Gone - Genshin, Aether/Lyney kicking Wriothesley's ass - 656 kudos (First and only time rewriting canon. Surprised at how well received it was)

Abusing the World Tree - Genshin, Lumine/Scaramouche - 643 kudos (Yk I used to really hate this fic and I still do, but not as much as I used to. I still think the entire premise is Horror instead of cute, but I think I did good with the prompt. )

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always. I literally only write fanfic in order to connect with people alsdfj why the fuck wouldn't I take an opportunity to yap. I judge my success as a writer by how I make my readers feel/helping them realize something about themselves/etc and the communication is really fulfilling

I mean sometimes I don't reply if it's literally just like, a heart emoji, which I still appreciate but I don't have a lot to go off of there

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably the one where Steven Universe walks off a cliff on accident while he's sad and can't control his fall speed anymore and dies. I was much younger when I wrote it asldfkj.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That I'm proud of? No clue. Probably another Steven Universe one where Steven and Connie went to prom.

I will say that A Bard Walks in and Hugs the Bartender is my favorite 'happy' ending fic because of a comment I got on it. It's a story about forgetting details about deceased loved ones and the guilt that comes with that and then comfort that that's a natural part of the process, and someone let me know that they felt so seen. They said the forgetting is a part of grieving that doesn't get addressed enough and it was so nice to see it in writing and I'm like. Pack it up boys we've officially won writing! My writing has fundamentally changed a real life person. I have achieved what I consider success.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Very rarely and usually unintentionally. Had a dude call Arlecchino a 'psychotic bitch' in a comment where they were genuinely trying to praise my writing, but on a fic intended to show her doing her best and I'm like. I don't really have the energy to debate why that was rude and I'm blocking you. Bro if you see this tumblr post and you didn't intend to, like, shit on the entire premise and everything I love about that character, hmu in DMs and we can talk asldfkj. Otherwise please find other authors to read

Otherwise I think I'm secure enough in my interests and unabashedly unashamed of anything Problematique I write that bullies decide to choose better targets?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes and I've given up writing normal sex. I'm not good at it. I have a weird kind of medical kink where I think the word penis is sexier than cock and, yk, most people would disagree. I'm both better at writing gore and horror that achieves the same kind of intimacy with a slight sexual bend, and I get more fulfillment out of it. Anatomy of a Blade remains one of my proudest works.

Also I prefer writing it as a character study. I love finding jackoff material but I can't write it for shit. Pour one out for the authors doing what I can't asldkjf

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written?

Nah. The setting is usually so important to my interpretation of a character that I just Can't put them somewhere else. Same with AUs. I'd rather write an original story at that point. I will fantasize about it occasionally tho.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yesn't? I've had a few lines ripped, especially for rarepairs, but I had such an unfortunate thing happen recently asdlkjf. This new author so excitedly asked me if they could use one of my fics for inspiration and I'm like "omg of course!!! I'm so flattered!" because I was! and then when they finished writing it and told me about it I was so excited to read it!!!

and then I did

I'm sitting here like "...Who's gonna tell them that this is actually plagiarism without embarrassing them and completely crushing their motivation to write ever again" asldfkjasdf;l

like OBVIOUSLY they were not trying to steal, because why the fuck would they announce it to me. But also I don't want them to be served a cease and desist later down the line so we had to have a little talk and it's all good now. I'm really excited to see what they write next!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Supposedly! I've had several people ask me if they could and then just. Never followed up aldk;fskj. It's a shame because I'm absolutely fascinated by linguistics and would love to pick their brains about what translation choices they made and why.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Sorta? Ray did one chapter as an epilogue to one of mine, and I think I've worked with Sen a few times on shorter pieces. Otherwise I'm a bit of a selfish writer and a control freak adsljf

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Constantly changing. I'm currently on a Bootheng and Zhongxiao kick, tho once I watch more of Madoka Magica I'm probably gonna lose my mind over Homura/Madoka. Also Adora/Catra as I watch more Shera.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Literally too many to list. See question 1 and the 50k words worth of notes

I have so many ideas that I really need to pick and choose what I work on because there literally just isn't enough time in the world - unless I start doing cocaine or something, but even then I think I'd still have the same problem. Join my discord server if you're an adult and wanna hear me whine about it asdlfkj

16. What are your writing strengths?

Fitting body language and other scene description with dialogue. I don't see images in my head and I think in motion a lot, so I think I do a really good job of keeping a scene rolling while people are talking without having to bring everything to a screeching halt to describe, idk, the color of the carpet on the stairs.

Also emotional damage

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably longer works? I lose drive to work on anything over 6k words pretty easily and I also struggle with pacing. I'm insisting on finishing Monoceros Novae so it can be my first novel because everyone's first novel sucks ass. I'm getting it out of the way so my original works will hopefully go better asldkfj

Oh. Also what people look like. Fuck you you get a pronoun and maybe a hair color. If Martha Wells can do it with Murderbot, so can I lmao.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Just for the love of God don't put it in italics unless you're making a point that the person using the other language doesn't use it naturally. I'd like to highlight the poem Kupu Rere Ke by Alice Te Punga Somerville for my feelings on it alsdkjf.

Also gonna copy stardustdiving's answer and say that it's great for multilingual characters and places it makes sense, but I personally think it's a little annoying when it's just a shippy pet name to be cute without, like, some kind of basis for it. Notably Childe calling Zhongli Xiansheng. It's fine if he would say that BUT HE WOULDN'T. He'd call him Mr., Sir or Motherfucker Ratbastard Whyaren'tyoudeadyet

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Undertale! Surprised at how well a lot of the fics have held up over the years.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Changes a lot as I develop as a writer. I'm really proud of Frustrations of the Hunt and this is the vibe I want my original writing to have.

I'm also really proud of my one and only FMAB fic about Alphonse getting pants. It's more serious than it sounds.

I actually have a collection of my works that I'm really proud of too!

Let's tag @resplendent-chungus. Do it bitch /affectionate

[stalkedbytrains]

Dead Letters, Missing Wife

First Letter

Dead Letter #6: Beyond the Veil

You didn't sleep much at all last night. You had a lot on your mind. Siobhan was all you could think of. Even if all you can really picture is her hair, her eyes, and those hands crafting your wedding ring.

You haven't taken the ring off since you opened that letter.

No one has really said anything about it. The couple of friends that you eat lunch with have mentioned it.

They accepted the non-answer that you gave about it being a gag gift from a friend from long ago. But there was something in you that felt bad about lying. It's not like you can really explain the whole situation anyway. None of your friends even remember Siobhan or interacting with her even though you know for a fact that Jamie was at your 8th birthday sleepover with Siobhan.

No one really said much or reacted in any weird ways until today.

You were walking down the hallways at school when you crossed paths with you guidance counselor Mrs. Statch.

"Hey honey, that's a nice ring you got there. Tell me someone didn't propose to you at the bleachers and you said yes," the old, but pleasant woman says as she holds out her hand to inspect the ring on your hand.

"Oh no. This is from an old, old friend. We got married as kids, it was a joke. She gave it to me as a joke on my birthday."

"Oh that's cute," she starts, but when her hand touches you there's a sharp smell like ozone burning and a yelp as Mrs. Statch rips her hand away from you and lets out a sound that you can only approximate as a growl.

"Are you ok?" you ask.

Mrs. Statch doesn't say anything for a second as she nurses her hand. She speaks quickly, when she does speak, "An old silver allergy, forgot all about it. Got to go."

The old woman totters off into the crowded hallway full of students that didn't seem to notice a single thing.

You thought about the interaction all day. It was so weird, so strange.

You also tried to notice those people who looked at the ring and didn't say anything, or those that went out of their way to avoid touching it.

On your walk home you started to notice more than a few people who suddenly had to cross the street instead of just walking by you.

A feeling, something you can't quite place, something mysterious and strange, is building in your spine.

The journey is changing you.

You rush home to find the next letter.

"My dearest,

Have I ever told you of my love of parthenogenesis? It's the ability of some animals and plants to just have off spring without the use of a sexual partner.

In plants it's no big deal. I mean there are no plants out there having sex with each other to make little plant babies.

Would be fun to see.

But there are animals in zoos that have no contact with the males of the species. There was a Komodo dragon, a sting ray, and even a few sharks. It happens a lot in lizards.

My favorites are the sharks.

Do you think that the babies, which are genetically identical to their parent, know that they are a clone? Do they have any advantages from being a younger version of their parent? Does the parent even know how to parent themselves?

I know that they are sharks, they are animals that can be very smart, but they do not come close to the level of sentience.

Yet, I can't stop wondering. What would I be like as a parent? Could I be a better parent to myself knowing about all the things that I will experience and feel and go through or would the mere fact that I am my own parent change the offspring in such a fundamental way that it wouldn't even be recognizable to myself?

Sometimes I think life would be easier as a lizard.

Or a shark.

I think I would choose to be a lizard over a shark because finding a nice warm rock to lay on in the sun sounds like an excellent way to spend an afternoon.

I am realizing now how strange this letter must read. I am writing this very late at night, or possibly very early in the morning.

When does the night change over to morning? Is it when the sun starts to rise or is it when the darkness begins to lighten in an almost imperceptible way? I couldn't sleep and I wanted to talk with you like we used to. But we are separate and this letter is the best I can do.

Yours from the beginning to after the end,

Siobhan"

The letter is indeed strange and a little weird. But at the same time you find it funny and endearing. You feel like you know Siobhan a little bit better as a person now.

She loves lizards, and sharks.

It made you think of all the silly conversations you've ever had with friends and people at late night sleep overs.

So far this letter might be your favorite.

It warms you up a little, like a warm rock for you to lay on.

As you lay in your bed staring at the ceiling imaging Siobhan next to you, talking about parthenogenesis and lizards and sharks and komodo dragons. Then you can't stop yourself from thinking about all the other things that can happen at sleep overs, with Siobhan here, with you, in your room.

In your bed.

Your face feels hot.

Before you can get too far in a day dream there's a sudden explosion of noise and energy that you can sense happening downstairs.

From that level of commotion you know that it can only be for one person.

Your brother is home.

You try to collect yourself to go downstairs to say hello, but before you can your bedroom door bursts open as your brother lets himself in.

"Hey nerd. What the hell is happening in here?" He surveys the mess of dead letters and packages from Siobhan that have taken over your room.

"None of your business," you say automatically. "Don't you ever knock?"

"Why? Is there any possibility you'd be doing anything salacious in here? My perfect, sweet little-"

You throw a pillow at his head.

He catches it and is about to throw it right back at you when he suddenly stops.

"Hey, that's an interesting ring."

"Yeah, I got it from an old friend."

"Really?"

"Yeah, Siobhan Winters sent it to me. We got pretend married as kids and she sent this to me."

Your brother fully enters your room and sits down on your chair you have set up in front of your desk.

"That's a name I haven't heard in a while."

"You know her?"

Your brother nods. "She's hard to forget. And if you're wearing that ring, then I assume you know what it means?"

You don't break eye contact with him, you do nod very slowly.

He lets out a long breath that he had been holding for a minute. "Well then. Welcome beyond the veil. I hope you're ready for The Strange."

i have a kofi

[aroanthy]

Besides Anthy what other characters do you are aro- or any kind of a-spec?

All Of Them.

on a more serious note, im very partial to the following aspec readings of characters:

aroace/aroace lesbian nanami; one thing to know about me is that i realised i was aromantic because of two things. the first is that i wrote a 55k word fanfiction about two side characters from the 2005 bbc political satire 'the thick of it' that was basically just me airing my fundamental discomfort with romantic relationships, and the second is watching her tragedy and the romance of the dancing girls for the first time. Yeag.

aromantic nanami is profoundly important to me and i really just resonate with her character on a personal level. like shes so me. i dont get it. i too have convinced myself of all kinds of taboo and 'weird' affections and feelings because i Dont Understand Romance (just as a side note: i understand why some people take the cold turkey 'nanami never considered romantic feelings for her brother!!' reading, but for me personally. i think it's important to consider nanami considering those feelings, specifically because they make her feel uncomfortable, alienated, etc. there's also lots of interesting things to be said about how incest can affirm heteronormativity (and how it can't!! but that's more of a kaoru twins can of worms)).

and there's other stuff but we needn't get into that. i love when other people feel able to talk in-depth about how their personal expereinces shape their responses to rgu, but im not quite at that point with certain things. i do also just really like reading nanami as an aroace lesbian bc i find her connection with utena specifically to be soooooo. gah. delicious. fascinating. devastating. and also i love aroace lesbains they are the best

asexual utena; i just think he's neat :} sometimes i feel hesitant to read characters as asexual if theyre teenagers or if they have sexual trauma and funnily (not) enough, utena is both! having said that, i recently decided 'fuck it' and have been thinking about this interpretation of his character more and more. like, my aromantic identity is partially political, partially trauma-informed, and i feel quite strongly about queerness in part being one's choice to define (or not define) themselves on their own terms, be they 'contradictory' or 'inaccurate' or whatever the hell else.

i also have a fondness for asexual masculine characters. me personally i read utena as butch and transmasc and i think it's really interesting to think about how that queer masculinity can be expressed outside of allosexuality, especially considering what rgu as a show tries to do wrt that matter. dont ask me about my feelings on ikuhara and false dichotomies of love and lust in his works or i WILL explode ok sarazanami is The aroallo show and im soooo normal about it all tbh

i have this kind of vague arospec touga reading that im always knocking about in my head but kind of scared to talk about online because like. it's quite a lot to get into and, as an aroallo person, i dont want to get into discourse about if it's problematic to read a character like touga in that way. bc like. i dont think it is. but that's because i'm basing this reading off of my own lived experience and understanding of what aromantic allosexuality can look like. to be honest, if i really had to stick labels on them (bc labels are a shorthand to me that never fully express the complexity of identity that i want to personally (writer disease)) i read anthy as an aromantic lesbian and touga as aromantic and gay. but normally you would have to waterboard that out of me because im terrified of how people who aren't aroallo respond to aroallo conceptions of like... Anything. lol.

i think the tldr of Why im compelled by those similar readings of their characters is. something about how terrifying and constraining and rigid and incomprehensible and inaccessible romance feels to me as a concept. and something else about how important sex is to me as a concept, and kind of. this radical sex positivity that is so essential, imho, to beginning to unpack the issues baked into our hetero- and amatonormative conceptions of romance and sex, and thus reclaim human connection as we please. blah blah blah wah wah wah body as a bargaining chip or whatever (guy who is mildly terrified of talking about these things for Reasons).

that's it for specific readings i have of specific characters, but i will say that i do find it hard to put myself in the shoes of certain characters if im thinking of them as alloromantic. like i think juri probably is but i dont not understand her conflict with shiori and why it agonises her so much. but tbf, most of my focus on juri as a character is her struggle for self-acceptance and her fascinating gender troubles. funnily enough, that's also kind of how i feel about saionji. they are just both so genderfuck self-hating gay plagued by the power dynamics and i love that for them.

anway yeag :} rejoice, aromanticism be upon ye

[loveless-arobee]

Very angry rn and need to rant about bookish things. CW for aphobia, anti-lovelessness, and transphobia

I cannot with alloro people. Imagine listening to someone explain the plot of their book to you, a book about a loveless aromantic trans man, and your response is basically "why doesn't he fall in love at the end?"

AH YES THE MOST SATISFYING ENDING TO A BOOK ABOUT A LOVELESS PERSON LEARNING TO ACCEPT THEMSELVES IS "SIKE! I'M NOT LOVELESS AFTER ALL!"

Should he fucking detransition, too, and ~learn to accept herself~ since you're so up to erasing queerness??? That's the same thing!

Imagine hearing me explain how the whole fucking book is about Eliv learning to accept himself as loveless, aromantic, gay and trans, all at the same time, and thinking it's a reasonable response that he shouldn't actually be some of these things.

The whole fucking book is about him learning that he doesn't have to be a woman and wife, doesn't have to belittle his own sexual feelings, and that he doesn't have to love.

How the fuck would "oh, he actually does love!" be a satisfying conclusion after spending chapters learning that love isn't necessary? How the fuck can you hear about a book that is literally saying that he doesn't have to change himself to be accepted and liked and say "but why doesn't he change himself tho? :/"??? It would be just as fucked up as ending the book, after he learnt to accept himself as a man, with him detransitioning!

HE IS LOVELESS! The whole fucking point of the book is that he is loveless and trans and gay and aromantic, and that that is fine! GOOD, even! The whole book is about finding community without having to change or erase fundamental things about yourself!!

He will not "learn to love"! Because he doesn't fucking have to love anyone to be a whole person! He learns to be happy and accept himself!

Holy fuck I can't. I just can't talk to alloro people and non-loveless people about my book. What kind of response is that?

Fuck you. Honestly. If you wanna read about love so badly, pick literally every singly other book on earth, and leave me the fuck alone.

I won't tag this with anything but my book-tag, because I don't think anyone needs to read this. If you ended up here anyway, here's my stupid little dog in a stupid little pose to calm your nerves if this shit pissed you off, too. Hope you have a better day than me.

[dent-de-leon]

Thinking about how similar in some ways Molly and Astarion are: bullshitters and thieves with their hedonistic pansexual peacock ways and foppish sassy attitude

But also how despite those similarities, they still feel so immensely different to me. And it really makes me appreciate more how committed Taliesin is/was to making the Tealeaves people who aren't afraid of hard work. Who don't take advantage of those less fortunate than themselves for their own gain. Amd just how overwhelmingly KIND and SELFLESS they are despite everything.

Astarion, darling, I love you but you are a whiney bitch who has to be threatened with violence to share coin with anyone else and will absolutely use people to get what you want.

They're both such wonderful characters but I'd much rather have Molly in an adventuring party than Astarion

ooh yes this is such an interesting thought!! I adore how they both have their snark, that hedonistic love of indulgence, the mischief and roguish charm and playfulness--or those moments when Astarion is a little warmer and his heart softens, and you can see bits of that devoted loyalty and compassion that are so characteristic of Molly.

I think the main difference between Molly and Astarion is...he got out. He had just as dark and traumatic a past, just as much reason to turn his back on a world that's only ever been cruel to him--but he gets another chance instead. A reprieve. Somehow, someway, the slate is wiped clean, and he can live free of all the demons that chained Lucien. More than anything, I think Astarion doesn't just feel afraid. Hunted. He feels...alone. Abandoned. "You never felt the call of the divine, Astarion?" "Oh, I tried them all. None of them answered."

But for Molly, there's one that did--"I found peace in building a new person. The Moonweaver--" Someone saw him. Saw how Lucien suffered. And she gave this shard of his soul a chance at a new life, found him someplace safe to land and tended to his wounded soul.

Molly gets something both Lucien and Astarion never do. He gets to be free. He gets to be happy--he gets to be loved. And it fundamentally changes him as a person, leads him down a better path than the fate Lucien was doomed to--and does Lucien ever resent him for it. Of course Astarion does get that chance too, but it also comes after 200 years of agony, and it makes the moment when he finally realizes someone truly cares all the more gutting.

So in a lot of ways, I think Astarion actually reminds me quite a bit of Lucien. Like Astarion, he was someone who spent so much of his life backed into a corner, learning to fight tooth and nail for any grasp at control and freedom. He views nearly all his relationships as transactional--even with Brevyn, there's a point where he's ready to leave her behind when he thinks he no longer has need of her, fully intending to abandon her and Cree for a better life (before he realizes he's already burned that bridge too without even knowing it).

And of course, Lucien also clings to power as a shield. Anything to keep him from being another casualty of Shadycreek Run--to escape becoming the Empty, soulless puppet at the mercy of another witch. Astarion has a taste for power and always craves more of it; and it absolutely stems from a place of deep-rooted fear and desperation, just like Lucien. They can't go back--they'll never go back. They won't be anyone's prisoner or puppet anymore, even if it means leaving the rest of the world to burn. They won't be a victim anymore.

And Astarion finds himself bitterly frustrated with a good aligned Tav in much the same way Lucien looks down on the rest of the Nein. Astarion can't understand why someone would play the hero and keep throwing their life on the line for a world that will never thank them, why they'll continually put themselves at a disadvantage for the sake of some arbitrary moral high ground.

If you don't take the tadpoles, he tries to sway you to his side, make you see that you're squandering this opportunity--that if you want to live, to thrive, then you have to take every edge you can get. Sure, he loves the idea of power and control, bending others to his will. But the way he encourages you to take that power for yourself, even early on, I think there's a part of him that is genuinely concerned for you. "I'm embracing this power--and you should too." He doesn't want anyone else to have that kind of power over him--or you. And that's why, if you want to save yourself, then you had better take this chance while you still can--

And then of course there's how Astarion tell himself you're just another means to an end, tells himself you're just another target and he's just going through the motions--hating himself and how it feels to be used all the while. Continuing to put on the act. Until it's not. Until he realizes he genuinely cares, and he wants whatever you have to be real--even though he's afraid he doesn't know how to give you that after being used and manipulated for so long.

Lucien indoctrinating Caleb and Beau, forcing them under the Somnovem's thrall. Keeping all of the Nein close and telling himself it's just idle curiosity, another foothold to anchor Cognouza to this world, all pawns in his grand plan. "That's not how we are, Lucien. We love broken things the most." Nevermind that Yasha giving him a four-leaf clover awakens another heart deep within him that should be long dead. Forget that attacking Beau and Caleb causes him very real, visceral pain--and if the sight of Jester's body causes him to tear his own claws down his face, if the Magician lying lifeless and bleeding still makes his heart ache for the taste of a kiss from a lifetime ago--it's just another hollow echo. Nightmares and shadows of a broken, forgotten little fragment.

Lucien desperately telling himself the Nein mean nothing to him. Even when they're the only thing that makes him feel real and takes all the Emptiness away. Lucien seeking to bring the Nein to his cause, taking them to Cognouza and branding them with the Eyes one by one--trying to claim them as his own, control them, bend their blazing bright souls to his will--because he is a dark mirror of Molly's own soul. And so, when he becomes one with all the Eyes and screaming voices and hungry minds, he corrupts Molly's love for the Nein into something warped and possessive. The remnants of a desperate desire to keep them all close still, to hold onto the only ones who once made him whole and refuse to let go.

It feels a little bit reminiscent of Ascended Astarion's feelings toward the PC from what I've heard of that route. Though I've yet to reach Cazador in either of my playthroughs, so this is just based on what little I've seen and heard. But yeah, I think Ascended Astarion wanting to turn Tav into his spawn and seeing it as a kind of protection or love--I can definitely see some parallels to Lucien wanting to make the Nein one with him, even as he tears them apart and tries to take away their autonomy. "He's gone. And you will all die and join me--"

Anyway yes, I really do love how Taliesin portrayed Molly as someone who wants so badly to be good, be better than the specter of his past he's so scared of becoming. He knows deep down Lucien wasn't a good person, and every time a fragment of some memory or errant instinct creeps through, it terrifies him. And this from someone who not only clawed their way out of their own grave, who had all their memories stripped away and clung so strongly to the very first people to ever show him compassion--for all the joy he filled his life with, there is something that hasn't changed between him and Lucien.

He knows the world is still cruel. Knows that there aren't many people in it who will show him kindness in return. But still he tries, and reaches out, and lets himself bleed for those in need. "I know what the others think, but the truth is...How do I put this...The world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it." It's the kind of earnest and vulnerable moral compass that I think Astarion would find laughable. But given time to heal, I do think he's able to gradually change and reach back out to others the way Tav does for him. Even Lucien is able to take Molly's hand in the end--

[nova-alien-rants]

been thinking a lot about the concept of black and white thinking.

i've always been told "you think in extremes too much, your mind exists only in black and white," and i'd be lying if i were to say that isn't true about myself. but the more i've worked on my own black and white thinking, the more i've come to realize the rest of the world is just as guilty of this very thing they don't hesitate to call me out for.

and this isn't to say that those who have called me out on my own thinking and behavior are mean, bad, or anything like that by any means. i just find it to be an interesting irony how i'm constantly told i struggle to live in shades of gray when those who tell me this have the same exact issue, albeit maybe in slightly different ways.

i will say that my black and white thinking has significantly improved, hence me coming to this realization as i outgrow my old outlook on the world and society as a whole. i don't believe myself to be anywhere near perfect but i do think it's worth mentioning that so many issues would be solved if people were simply more self aware and willing to work on this prevalent flaw.

why is it that when i say i prefer being on the cooler side than hot, people seem to think i love freezing temperatures? why is it that when i tell someone i don't have a huge sweet tooth, they believe i live my life completely devoid of all sugar? why is it that when i explain how severe my executive dysfunction is, they turn around and say they're shocked i'm not practically a vegetable?

why is it that when i inform someone of my disabled status, they retort with a sentiment on how i can't possibly be disabled because i can technically walk and do basic human tasks? why is it that when i bring up that my method of self love also involves some firmness they accuse me of not loving myself at all? does balance not actually exist for anyone? have i suddenly become the outlier?

it's honestly a very bizarre feeling to live with and one i'm not quite sure how to compartmentalize. am i supposed to feel angry? sad? confused? or maybe even none of the above? everyone has kept telling me to work on myself, and now that i have, it seems like they never did the exact thing they've kept hounding me to do.

does this mean i've outgrown them? am i supposed to call them out on this backwards phenomenon? are they even aware of it happening? am i supposed to help them with this issue, or accept that this is what my growth has led me to and drop them? but what am i supposed to do if these individuals are highly healed and intelligent in all other aspects?

i believe every single thing in the universe has two sides, two forces if you will; these two are always opposite, forever polar. but is the human race as a whole so used to merely allowing one or the other to fully prevail that they never stop to consider the fact that balance is a requirement for harmony? for peace, for happiness, for tranquility, for beauty, for contentment?

it's strange to witness those who advocate so loudly for balance to be convicted of the very crime they seem to oppose. i don't hate them for it, nor do i blame them. the more i think about it, the more i realize that it's likely because humans as a species simply struggle to truly view anything from a balanced lens. our ancestors never learned so we never had anyone to teach us. we are the first ones to make such a profound revolution in philosophical and realistic thinking.

and i don't believe that this will ever be something everyone will achieve. especially not those who have become so engulfed in their own egos they fail to even see outside of themselves, forget reexamining the very way they view the world on a fundamental level. they don't want to admit anything about them is wrong, especially not their thinking, so be it.

but i think for a very large number of us whom don't want to be like that and have seen the underbelly of society, whom have undergone unspeakable horrors, atrocities, torture, and abuse, we have no choice but to tear down the walls of how the world works and build our own from the ground up. we need to in order to stay sane. those whom have been more fortunate never needed to care.

but maybe the black and white walls needed to be demolished in order to be replaced with gray ones. maybe we will see a gradual shift in society's thinking. it's a particularly odd and frankly nerve-racking thing to think about sometimes.