#it's so important to be able to express the 'ugly' emotions

[fantabulisticity]

The new Kesha album Gag Order ABSOLUTELY FUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been listening to it on repeat the last several days. It's intense and heartbreaking and chaotic and disturbing and wistful and motivating. Listen to it when you have emotional space for it, but definitely listen to it.

[dunmesh]

okay i don't have anything smart to add i just genuinely love that these seemingly trivial jokes are actually an important part of his character. we see it throughout the entire manga, how he pushes aside his own frustration and discomfort to accommodate everyone else's and avoid needless confrontation- another example off the top of my head would be the barometz chapter in which he slowly gets frustrated with izutsumi but still tries his best to talk some sense into her calmly and soundly.

and in contrast, there are very few times he expresses his anger and hurt towards others, and it usually takes a lot for him to finally lose his patience and control.

i mean, even with kabru he tried to be polite despite the circumstances until the guy said the one thing that triggers an immense sense of shame, hurt and rage in laios. and you know, the manga does say it quite clearly early on. when we are introduced to namari and then to shuro, laios acts all friendly and shows his respect and trust in them despite how things ended between them, and everyone else gets frustrated with him for acting so strange- why are you the one who tries so hard to pacify the rest when you should be the angriest?

and they don't understand him. they don't know him well enough to be able to understand, but we as readers get to see during the manga that they aren't wrong to question him- he does, in fact, feel all those ugly emotions. and it's when the winged lion finally confronts him that we see to what extent these feelings he buried so deep go, and suddenly all those funny little moments where he sometimes pretends to be mr nice guy speak volumes about his character. honestly, ryoko kui is a master at using jokes in order to define important character traits and this one doesn't fail to amaze me.

and laios's hatred and rage and deep scars he can't get over aren't shown explicitly during most of these moments i mentioned before, but now you realize there are 26 years of emotional baggage to all of them and they sting. he is angry but he can't say shit, what difference would it make? it won't make his friends choose him instead of themselves when he needed them most, and it won't help his party get any farther. of course, this logic doesn't apply to them- they are absolutely allowed to get angry and it's fine to get mad at him, he can take that.

so after finishing the series it's so clear that he tries his best to avoid clashing with others not just due to the current circumstances and him needing to be a reliable leader but also because he knows that people don't even like him when he tries to show his good sides and hide all the rest, so who the hell would tolerate his rage and despair? who would stay after realizing that he is so deeply flawed he doesn't even like his own being?

but he does get mad. he can't help it, and sometimes it gets out of control and now everyone knows. and it's funny, isn't it? that most of those moments ended up bringing him closer to others. shuro admitting he is envy of him and actually becoming the friend laios thought he was all along, fighting for his sake and waiting for him to come back- believing in him even after he turned into a monster and searching for him the way he couldn't bring himself to do for falin when he learned of what became of her- or kabru being pushed to just let it all out because he couldn't bluff his way out of this one and get to laios any other way, so now they are even. they are both horribly honest with each other and they both choose to stay. a weird way of getting to know each other, but it is what it is.

it's simply... the more laios let himself just be, the deeper his relationships grew. and there's intimacy in being your ugly, weak and furious self around someone and them not leaving you. feeling safe enough to let it be known you are hurt and angry. and he knows that now, too.

[haikyu-mp4]

Fussy

word count; 1176 – f!reader

Not usually favouring sports, you’re in the journalism club to make use of your great eye for design and writing. After watching one of your school’s volleyball team’s official games last season, you took notice of the boring brochures they handed out with the players’ information. You hadn’t yet chosen what to do for your project this semester and decided to lend your talents to making a better representation of the team’s charms and talents. What you didn’t expect to get out of the project was a date.

You received permission from their coach and captain and set up some equipment to take your photos in a room adjacent to the gym during practice. Hopefully, you can encourage them all to pose confidently. In order to not disturb their whole practice, you ask one grade to join you at a time, starting with the first-years and ending with the third-years. Good luck!

You already know the captain of your school’s volleyball team. Sometimes you wondered if Kuroo knew everyone. The two of you have a lot of classes together and you would be lying if you said you hated hearing his charming comments and finding fun ways to quip back at him. Perhaps you even developed a little crush. So when you decided on the project for your club, you asked him with the biggest possible doe eyes to approve it and help get his players to cooperate. He was more than happy to help you and arrange everything, despite telling you that you owe him.

Fortunately, the first years were easy. Absolute sweethearts that were so excited to show off. You had almost finished with the second-years when you met your first obstacle of the day, unless you count Lev being too tall for you to photograph without a stool to stand on and Inuoka not being able to stand still so most of the pictures ended up slightly blurry. No, this was an actual problem.

Kenma was having a bad day and didn’t want to.

Nekoma’s pampered prince was really not in the mood for this today, and with every pose you didn’t approve of as good enough, he got more fussy. His facial expressions were very expressive, especially now that he was annoyed, it just wasn’t the emotion you wanted. You sighed and stomped your foot a little, looking at him with a slight frown. “Can’t you try a little harder, Kenma?”

“Does it really matter? Just use the first ones,” he complained, sounding incredibly bored.

You were trying to resist saying you would snitch on him to Kuroo like a little kid, but it was getting gradually more difficult. “This project is important to me, I want to make all of you look good.”

“Are you saying I look ugly?” Okay, now he was being childish. The two of you glared at each other for a second before Yamamoto stepped in to yell at his teammate about how a pretty girl needed their help and Kuroo told them to do everything you say and then hurry back to practice. On the contrary, that only made Kenma more apathetic. “I won’t start posing up a storm just because Kuroo has a crush on her.”

You froze, biting your lip as a blush flushed over your cheeks at the reveal. He has a crush on you? Yamamoto started waving his hands as if stressed about the information being revealed, but he only stuttered out a few syllables that didn’t turn into anything usable. You pick up your camera and look through the pictures you had taken of Kenma again, still chewing on your lip as you try to focus on the task at hand. “Can you do this again, please? Last one.” You held up the camera to show him the reference photo and he silently agreed, standing ready for you. You change the angle a bit and do your best to adjust the lighting before finally dismissing the second-years. When Kenma was about to leave, you carefully tapped his shoulder, not really meeting his eyes. “Is it true? About Kuroo…”

Kenma heard his best friend talk about you all the time. Your wit and charm matched his and he was especially obsessed with how you started doing your hair lately. The setter didn’t look so annoyed with you anymore, which made you glad. “Yes. Please date him or something so he’ll stop whining to me about it.”

You were a bit nervous when the third-years arrived, switching between avoiding Kuroo and coming on too strong. How do you act when you know someone you like likes you back?

Yaku and Kai were great, following your instructions and easily giving you several options for what photo to use of each. As Kuroo stepped up to the plate, he talked to you while you got the camera ready and fetched the little stool you used for the first years. “I hope no one gave you any trouble today,” he said, sounding like he would rather have a normal conversation right now.

“Your best friend and I got into it but we came to an agreement,” you said, gaining a bit more confidence as you went along. That made him chuckle, a fond look on his face as he didn’t doubt Kenma would fight the spotlight. You smiled at him before holding up the camera again, making sure the lens was on him when you kept talking. “I didn’t know you had a crush on me!”

Oh, the betrayal. As Yaku’s laughter burst behind you, you watched through the camera lens as Kuroo faltered and his smile fell, snapping as many photos as you could. His face suddenly matched the uniform and his shoulders were sky-high. “Huh?” he said. He was flustered, brain trying desperately to decide if he should deny it or follow the flow. Damn it, Kenma. Suddenly, Kuroo regretted how he had stolen some of Kenma’s snacks earlier. “You’re not going to use those pictures, are you?” he ended up saying, unusually awkward. It was fun, seeing Kuroo stumble.

Yaku and Kai end up throwing in a little comment about being finished anyway and leaving the area, giving the two of you some space. When he came back to the gym, Yaku threw an arm over Kenma’s shoulder and ruffled his hair, giving him a confusing mix of praise and scolding.

Meanwhile, you were smiling at Kuroo as he stepped a little closer to you. “Of course not, they’re for my special collection.” You wiggled your eyebrows and Kuroo finally felt his shoulders relax a little.

“I did say you owe me one for this project, how about I take you out this weekend?” he asked, usual charm back in place along with his crooked smirk.

“That sounds great, Tetsuro,” you agreed, taking a moment to say anything else as you stared at him up close. Your cheeks were burning at this point and you fumbled with the camera. “Now, come on. We have to show off Nekoma’s captain!”

“You got it, boss.”

/please note that Yaku calls Kenma their «pampered prince» in season 4, so that is not me making a nasty comment about Kenma. I just think it’s a very cute nickname that fit the scenario!

the Flyer Series ║ masterlist

/taglist: @cottonlemonade @dira333 @cosmiicdust @nagi-core

[sevilynne]

Sorry in advance, I'm going to rant here a bit.

Why do 80% of Snaters have to bring his looks into the discussion? Like, the way he looks has nothing to do with his character! I just saw another post calling him a "disgusting, oily, ugly man" in their rant on how he is an evil person, like... I look, apart from being a woman, exactly like him. Like, I 100% match the book description. Crooked teeth, shoulder long hair that gets greasy way to quickly, big, hooked nose, dark eyes, too skinny, walks in a "gliding" way: that's me! Why do the marauders fans have to do this?! Don't they realize that there are people, who will look like the charakter they hate on? This fucking fandom made me so insecure about my nose, that I am considering an operation at 19 years old! I just cried for half an hour after seeing jet another post about how ugly Snape is and no wonder he never found love! It just causes so much pain. If they want to hate on Snape's character, fine by me! But why can't they leave the way he looks out of it? Why?

Sorry for freaking out here, but you are one of the few pro Snape accounts one can write to anonymously and I don't want them to be able to figure out who I am. Thank you for reading this messy thing i wrote, it just needed to be said.

I must offer my deepest, sincerest apologies for posts you’ve seen. Alas, Marauder Stans possess a troubling insensitivity and thoughtless disregard for the nuances of character and narrative. In Sev V. S Marauders arguments, when they find themselves cornered without a coherent defense for their beloved quartet, rather than talk about the substantive truths about Sev, they instead throw callous, almost vulgar fixations on his appearance.

Marauder Stans, as fervent as they may be, are often proved problematic. Their disdain for Sev runs so deep that they not only dismiss his importance and erase him from his own circle but also stoop so low to attacking his appearance and ridiculing his poverty.

Marauder Stans seem to revel in disparaging Sev, often going out of their way to strip him of any redeeming qualities. It's that they take pleasure in rewriting his narrative, erasing his virtues and amplifying his flaws, making a one-dimensional caricature that serves their biases. It's a weird thing, revealing more about their own prejudices than about Sev himself.

Your appearance is a distinctive and beautiful part of who you are, but it does not, in any way, define your value or your capacity to be loved and cherished. Those who resort to attacking someone’s looks often do so because it’s the quickest, most mindless way to inflict pain. It says more about their own insecurities than it does about you. You deserve to be appreciated for the incredible person you are, far beyond the surface.

Please remember that you are so much more than any fictional character, you have your own unique story, rich with experiences and emotions that are entirely your own. Here, you are loved and valued for who you are, regardless of how you look or the way you express your personality.

You can always try to block every Marauders Stan who spews negativity about Severus’s appearance. Hypocrisy is those are often the same people who accuse him of bullying, completely oblivious to the irony of their own actions. They fail to recognize that by mocking an 11-year-old who grew up in the grip of poverty and isolation, they are perpetuating the very behavior they 'condemn'.

Have a pleasant day! (Apologies, I'm bad at comfort. And in summary, they hate Severus's character by itself and it's appearance and NOT because he bullied kids, and people like spewing insults at Severus because he is conventionally unattractive, unlike Potter and Black.)

[cobrabobra]

Dating Carl headcanons:

I think the most important part that people often forget about Carl is a teenager, ani insecure one. How could be not be if he literally has a hole in his face?

He surely knows that his skills are exceptional, that he knows how to handle things, that he's brave and pretty fucking cool, but every teenage boy has his insecurities and Carl is no exception.

I could imagine him being anxious after arriving in Alexandria, seeing that there are boys his age, he begins to think that maybe you'd leave him, that he was your boyfriend because he was the only choice.

He constantly tries to show you that he is in fact the best option for you, trying to protect you, provide for you, going on runs alone just to get you something. He's willing to risk his life just to make you see what he'd do for you.

And that brings another problem, Carl risking his life all of the time. Going alone to the woods, going to the Sanctuary, provoking Negan and his people. But I think that's a mix of frustration, being angry at how things are and wanting to change them and the need to show everyone that he's independent and capable of handling himself.

Another one of Carl's insecurities is not being able to express his emotions very well, he's used to bottling everything up until it explodes and he doesn't want to do that to you, but he doesn't know how to do it differently. He's scared to share, scared that you won't care or be troubled by it when you already have a lot of things on your head, he's scared that you'll get scared of him, that he'll push you away if he shares.

He never considered himself as handsome, he always was the pretty boy type, but that didn't bother him if it didn't bother you. Well, it didn't bother him until he got shot, then he wasn't pretty or handsome or anything other than a disgusting, ugly freak. He tried to hide that it bothered him, that he felt you didn't love him anymore, that you were scared of him, or grossed out. Which you probably were, everyone would be, but it quickly became normal, it wasn't gross or scary, it wasn't beautiful, it was normal, it was a part of him.

"Carl, are you here?" you knocked on the bathroom door, he was in there for quite a while and you were worried. "Can I come in?"

"No, please, don't" his voice was weak and shaky, like he was crying.

"Carl, please. At least tell me what's happening" you begged, your heart beating hard in your chest, you were scared, you needed to know what happened.

"It's just- it's my eye" he sighed, trying to calm himself, he didn't want to look weak in front of you. "I'm okay, just don't come in"

"Alright, I won't. Just- you know I love you, right? Nothing will change that" it was a promise, it didn't matter what he'd look like, what he'd become.

Carl never fully accepted his eye, but it became easier to live with it, thanks to you, he understood that this was a part of his body, that it can't be changed and that it didn't change anything between the two of you, that helped a lot.

You helped him a lot, not just with the way he looked at himself, with his emotions, but you saved him countless times, you cared for him, protected him and he wanted to do the same for you. He never was the best with expressing his feelings so that was his way of showing you his love.

You still did the usual couple things, holding hands, kissing, cuddling, fuck, Carl started to panic the second you were beyond his reach. You were his safe place and he needed you all the time.

It's just the talking about his feelings part that was hard for him.

He wasn't the romantic type, he didn't get you flowers or jewelry, but he made breakfast for you when he woke up before you, he made sure to wrap you up in a blanket when you were taking a nap on the couch. He showed his love through doing these little things for you.

He loves spending time with you, baking together, reading together, taking care of judith together, going on walks together, showering together, everything you did, he wanted to be close, to keep an eye on you.

But that doesn't mean he's clingy, he wants to be near, not to sit in your lap and kiss you all the time (he kinda does want to, but he doesn't do it).

If anything happens to you, I pity the fool that tries to stop Carl from being with you. He'll kick and punch, threaten and beg, anything to be there for you when you need him.

And if someone did something to you, don't worry, they're already dead, we all know that Carl's a little psycho and he'll do everything for his family. He tries to be calm and rational but if somebody lays thair hand on you he simply can't control himself, plus it's not like they don't deserve it.

He'd try to be his best self for you, it was because of you that he wanted Negan to live, he lost himself for a while and you pulled him out of it, because of that he believes everyone, well maybe not everyone, most of the people deserve a second chance, people can change.

He knows you're both young, maybe too young for him to even think about it but he can imagine having a family with you. The way you take care of Judith, hold her in you arms, the way you talk to her, kiss her forehead, play with her, he wants that for his own kid.

He wouldn't settle for just any ring, if he proposes, he's doing it right. He searches for not only the prettiest ring but also the coolest looking one.

When it comes to touching, Carl isn't particularly clingy, but he likes to keep a hand on your thigh, squeeze it a little, tease you. I think there's a lot of teasing, he can be cruel sometimes.

But you teasing him? No, that's not happening, not on his watch. He's too impatient for that, too vulnerable in a way.

He likes to kiss you, a lot. Good morning kisses, goodnight kisses, you look so pretty today kisses, all of them.

"Morning" he said, his voice raspy and tired, his eyes still half closed. He hugged you from behind, his chin resting in your shoulder, his hair tickling your neck.

"Morning" you said, smiling a little, he was so cute like this. "I'm making eggs"

"Mhm" he didn't care about some eggs. He took your chin in his hand and made you look at him, he wasn't harsh or anything, his movements were slow and delicate. He placed a sweet kiss in your lips and it has you melting into his arms.

"Breakfast will be ready in a minute" you turned your head, your cheeks were slightly pink, he never failed to make you blush, not even after doing this hunderds of times. "Wash your teeth"

Carl can be rash sometimes, like when he's really excited, horny or after a fight, adrenaline buzzing in his veins, he'd pull you in for a hungry, desperate kiss, his fingers digging into your hips, his crotch pressed against yours, but he's usually delicate with you, unless you want him to be a little rough.

He's a caring lover, tending to your every need, he'd be a loving father and a great leader, but only with you by his side.

Hope you enjoyed and thank you for your kind words under my daryl headcanons.

[kyrieeleisonelise]

Ruby the Actress (major Manga spoilers!)

Ruby is probably my favourite character in Oshi No Ko. She’s someone who at first seems really simple and straightforward, but as the story progresses it becomes more clear she’s more complex than that.

In the current arc, a lot of parallels are being drawn between Ruby and Ai, Ai is central to Ruby. As Sarina, Ai was her escape and her idol. As Ruby, Ai was her mother (and still her favourite idol). Ruby both loves Ai, wants Ai to love her and wants to emulate Ai. Ruby is borderline fanatical about Ai. 

But how similar are they?

The narrative has portrayed Ruby both as one of the more honest/straightforward characters, but also asserted that she has been lying/acting this whole time, so what’s the truth?

Ruby isn’t a step-ford smiler and doesn’t have any issue with expressing negative emotions. Whether it’s her initial hostility towards Kana or her nerves before a big show or throwing a childish tantrum about a song. 

It’s hard to imagine Ai being comfortable being this emotionally open around someone. Even when Ai was insulted by a friend on B-Komachi she hardly had any outward emotion, compared to Ruby in the same situation.

Ruby also values honesty even to her own detriment, wanting to honestly do the work out YouTube challenge with Pieon, even though they could of just edited it. Compared to Ai, who felt that being a liar was intrinsic to being a good idol and felt unable to stop lying.

But if Ruby is a sweet, honest and straightforward person, how was she able to change so quickly into someone who was willing to manipulate those around her for the purpose of revenge? Is it a sudden character change or something that was building in her all along?

Even before she was Ruby, Sarina is shown to be a sweet and cheerful girl. I don’t think this was completely an act, but she felt she had to hide her more ‘ugly’ emotions in order to keep her parents love and affection. Even to Gorro she never showed the extent of her hurt and anger about being abandoned by her parents. Crucially, she also lied to herself, unable to face reality that her parents didn’t love her the way she wanted them to. She is unable to face this reality even as Ruby, until she can’t deny it any longer. 

Even though Ruby is ‘cute and honest’ the circumstances of her life necessitated her to lie about important parts of herself; She kept being reincarnated a secret from Ai and everyone around her. She even kept the details of her past life a secret from Aqua. When Ai was killed she had to keep it a secret from the world. This increased her reliance on lies, as in order to protect her own secret and Ai’s, she has to play a ‘role’ and continue to pattern of cutting off unwanted parts of herself. 

Although Ruby was able to overcome Ai’s death to an extent and is able to grieve in a more healthy way than Aqua, she’s obviously still traumatised and harbours a lot of rage and hate for the perpetrator in her heart. Which she keeps mostly hidden. 

Ruby has shown to cope well with Ai’s death, but the fact she is unable to speak to any of her friends about major traumas in her life (one mother abandoning her, another being murdered) probably limits her ability to come to terms with her feelings. The only person she can sort of speak to- Aqua- has his own stuff going on. 

One of the first things Ruby says post time-skip is that she has two big secrets, showing that hiding things have remained central to her life. Whether she wants to or not. 

  Ruby remains cheerful and straightforward post time-skip, and I really don’t think this is all an act. She builds genuine friendships with Mem and Kana, unlike Ai who struggled to make connections with her teammates. Ruby really enjoys being an idol. She wants to fulfil her own and her mother’s dream and be a pure-hearted idol. 

And for a while things are fine. 

Until they’re not and Ruby realises that the person behind her mother’s death is still out there, and they killed the doctor who supported her more than anyone in her previous life. 

It feels like a complete character change. But is it?. Ruby is someone who feels love very strongly, but she also feels hate too.

She begins to be motivated by hate instead of love. With the same single-mindedness she displayed aiming to be an idol, Ruby aims for revenge for both Ai and Gorro. Ruby has always felt incredibly strongly about those she loves; Ai goes without saying. For Gorro, Ruby wanted to become an idol partially to meet him again, even though that was completely improbable. She can be fanatical with things she loves.  

So she is able to cross her own morals in order for revenge. Ichigo agrees to introduce Ruby to Ai’s old contacts if she becomes famous. So motivated by vengeance, Ruby manipulates those around her to become more famous. She’s surprisingly adept at it, because she was already used to having to hide things and put on an act to an extent. She isn’t ‘made of lies’ like Ai felt she was, but Ruby has always been cutting off the uglier and more complicated parts of herself in order to fit the role she wants to play. 

 Ruby becomes super popular. Her personality starts to shift but it’s she hasn’t completely left behind her childish traits. Being a manipulator is another role for her, but there are hints she still isn’t as calculating and serious as she maybe wants to be.

The pedestal Ruby put the idol world on starts to crack, and she starts to confront the ugly part of show biz beneath the glittering veneer. She realises that Ai probably had to lie too to be successful. She starts to realise the truth about things she’s lied to herself about. Idols aren’t always pure and perfect and the world they live in is brutal. Ai was the ideal to Ruby/Sarina, she always tried to emulate her. She wanted to be a pure and innocent idol like she thought Ai was, now she thinks she needs to be a liar like Ai. 

The happy lies Ruby made into part of her identity start to crumble.

Then, Aqua tells the world Ai’s secret in order to save Kana. Ruby see’s this as the ultimate betrayal. She thinks Ai is no longer first in Aqua’s heart and she feels totally alone in the world. Even though she has others around her, Aqua is the only one who can understand the reincarnation and Ai’s death.

All her core beliefs have been squashed; The Idol world is cold and brutal and lead to her mother’s death, Ai wasn’t a perfect innocent idol and had to lie constantly, and now she thinks Aqua has stopped caring about Ai, and loses the bond with the only person who could really understand her. She also has to confront that as Sarina she wasn’t loved by her mother.

At this point she begins questioning her own identity and falling apart. She no longer enjoys being an Idol but feels she have to get revenge. Ruby doesn’t know who Ai is, so she doesn’t know who she is herself. The entanglement with her own identity and Ai’s gets more confusing as she’s playing her in a movie.

She can’t be the perfect innocent idol- nobody can- but she doesn’t enjoy being the liar and manipulator she feels she needs to be to avenge Ai and Gorro.

We see how fragile her sense of identity is; she’s able to convince herself she became an idol to avenge Ai, forgetting that it was her dream across two life times.

It’s only when Aqua reveals who he is and reminds Ruby of who she was prior to her path of vengeance that she’s able to start rebuilding her identity. Finding out Aqua is Gorro helps tether her and bridge the gap between Sarina and Ruby.

Crucially, he reminds Ruby that she is not Ai. She doesn’t have to be her, she’s her own person and she’s good enough a herself.

Ruby still has a lot of struggles to come in the movie arc, but hopefully she’ll continue down the path of becoming her own person; realising she can’t be perfect and she will have dark feelings, but that doesn’t mean her naturally cheerful upbeat personality is a lie either. 

Is Ruby like Ai? I don’t think so. But they both struggle with identity. Ai feels like she’s never been able to form or connect with an identity, Ruby has had so many thrust on her (Sarina, Ruby, ‘Ai’) that it’s confusing to her.

They’re their own people with completely different backgrounds, personalities and quirks. But I do think Ruby’s emotional journey will leave her best placed to understand Ai; Ruby is starting to realise that Ai neither a perfect ideal idol, nor a mysterious master manipulator. She’s more than her idol persona. Ai is a complicated human with her own motivations, fears and issues just like everyone else. 

[asexual-society]

This might be a stupid question but what exactly is "internalised gay-/bi-/ace- etc. phobia"? Is it only called that if I'm ace and wish I wasn't for example? Or is it also internalised phobia if someone claims to be accepting of a sexuality but secretly isn't?

And how do I know if I have internalised phobia and how do I get over that? I'm aroace and I'm fine with the ace part but the aro part troubles me sometimes. I can't help but see it as a huge personal loss. I know about qprs but I want the romance, I want the feeling and I'm not capable of it. And that bothers me. And yes, it makes me feel broken.

So. We live in a society. Most of us live in a society that is misogynistic, that is racist, that is homophobic, that is ableist, etc. Everyone who lives in a society like this will spend their life internalising these messages, so even if they are a part of one of these groups, they may still hold bigoted views towards other people of their same group (or towards themselves). I'm going to explain to the best of my understanding but people are free to correct any mistakes I might have made.

A common example of internalised homophobia might be if a gay man is distrustful of other gay people who are especially over the top in expressing their queerness, or has a dislike for effeminate gay men, or a lesbian who thinks gender nonconforming or butch lesbians are ugly. Internalised -phobias and -isms can also be self-directed having been enforced for many years by others, such as a woman who shaves her whole body because she views having body hair as being "unhygenic" for women, or a woman who genuinely believes that she, and all women, are less intelligent and more emotional than men.

A person with internalised acephobia may have learnt from society that being a virgin or not having sex, or specifically being asexual, is weird or embarrassing or cringe, and feel the need to have sex just so as not to be one of "those people".

Crucially in order for some form of bigotry to be called "internalised", the person has to be a member of that group, so if an Asian person is racist towards a black person, that isn't internalised racism, it's just regular racism (or specifically anti-black racism). If an alloromantic asexual person says something like "I'm ace but don't worry, I can still feel love", that's not internalised arophobia, it's just regular arophobia (but it might also play into internalised aphobia if they feel that the only way they can deal with their asexuality is to throw themself as hard into their romantic endeavours as possible).

Lots of aromantic people struggle with the effects of amatonormativity, and feeling that their life will be incomplete without romance, or that they're missing out on a fundamental human experience (this is not true, you can live a happy and fulfilled life without romance or any form of relationship). You could be what's known as Cupioromantic, which is a label under the aro umbrella that describes aro people who enjoy being in romantic relationships and seek them out, but it's important to understand the distinction between wanting to be in a romantic relationship because you enjoy it, and wanting to be in a romantic relationship because you feel like you won't be happy any other way.

Unfortunately (if you see it that way), wanting not to be aro will not make you magically allo. Wanting to be another sexuality has never been able to turn someone into that other sexuality, that's why conversion therapy doesn't work. You have to find a way to live with it, and there's no surefire way to accept your orientation, but having other friends who share your orientation can be one of the best ways to feel less broken and less alone. Personally, I like to write about aro characters who are like me, mostly because they don't really exist anywhere else, and it helps me to remind myself that I'm not the only person like me in the world. But you could also listen to more music that isn't about love, or see if you can avoid specific things that you know make you feel unhappy in your aromanticism. I'm not saying it's easy, and I'm not saying that path to acceptance will be linear, but I do think trying to work towards that acceptance is worthwhile.

I hope this helps, and that you feel better about yourself soon.

~ mod key

edit: the reason i hesitated to call "wishing i weren't aro" "internalised arophobia" in that post, is largely because it depends where the desire not to be aro is coming from. if it's from a profound loneliness that many aro people experience due to their aromanticism, being misunderstood or even abandoned by their friends, having difficulty connecting with people who aren't aro, that's very different from a person wishing they were aro because society tells us we aren't whole without a partner, or that we're missing out on this experience, or even that we're broken or mentally ill for not being able to experience this sort of attraction.

[meetinginsamarra]

mayprompts2024 #6,

Read part one (using the prompt “box”) here

Read part two (using the prompt “familiar”) here

Read part three (using the prompt “fall”) here

Read part four (using the prompt “awkward”) here

++++++

If you thought the last chapter/prompt was awkward (LOL) it's not getting better.

The testing intensifies...

++++++

The Perfect Place - Part Five

John needed a handkerchief to deal with his sweaty fore head and since he also needed to fetch the catalogue with the type-of-boxspring-in-relation-to-body-weight spreadsheet, he went to the counter.

Opening the drawer, he saw his gun lying on top of it. He took out both, cramming the catalogue under his arm and shoving the gun into the front pocket of his corduroy trousers. As ugly as the trousers were, they had the undeniable advantage of sporting a baggy cut with spacious front pockets so the gun could vanish easily in its depths.

(To be fair, normally John would not have touched this pair of trousers with a ten-foot pole. But he had assumed they would make him look like a trustworthy and respectable salesman and they let him hide the gun easily. Also, they had cost him nothing since he had inherited them from his sister Harry and practical as John was, he would not simply throw them away.) (Which would have been better, actually.)

Anyway, the familiar feeling of the gun’s cold metal against his body gave John some much-needed emotional support in further dealing with this intense (John meant arousing) customer. It distracted him from salivating (too) openly over the client. John could not risk that the man would get cold feet because of John being creepy and leaving the shop without buying the bed. Luckily, today John also wore a long cardigan, therefore the gun was practically invisible.

(The cardigan was another piece of exceptionally ugly clothing John had inherited via Harry. His sister on the other hand had also inherited the cardigan via their grandfather who had been gifted the hand-knitted atrocity by his wife. The grandmother had been an avid cat lover and had adorned the cardigan’s front with several hand-stitched cat faces.)

John returned to the customer and found him staring into space with a dazed expression and observed a weird smile forming on this beautiful face.

Meanwhile, Sherlock had been in a daze. He couldn’t believe his luck. John had actually picked his brain earlier to learn if he was gay and single, ergo John was interested in his person apart from selling the bed.

Sherlock had also noticed that the delightful rigidity he had attested while testing the mattress had been mirrored in John’s midsection. Even the baggy corduroy trousers had not been able to hide all of the rising bump. Sherlock deduced that John had been aroused and the only source could have been Sherlock himself and concluded further that his plan was working out fine.

Originally, the steps had been to get John to move into 221b as Sherlock’s flatmate and then seduce him into being his boyfriend. But apparently, it went the other way around and Sherlock had made John fall in love with him already, putting the flatmate-thing onto second position. This was perfectly okay, just a little bump in the way of totally winning John over.

Sherlock decided to step it up a notch with the testing. He wanted to see how far John would go and how far he could push him respectively. (Sherlock assumed that it would be important for their later relationship to know what he could get away with.) He needed to see how John would react in a precarious situation.

Sherlock watched John returning with the catalogue, fixed his eyes on him, smiled and offered his hand.

“Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. Potential partners should know each other’s names. I’m Sherlock Holmes.” (Sherlock was so exited that he got a bit ahead himself.)

John stopped dead in his tracks. What? We’re partners? Since when? I didn’t notice… his brain fired frantic questions at him. Blood pounded in his ears.

Sherlock cleared his throat, realizing his blunder. “Business partners, that’s what I wanted to say. As in you sell the bed and I buy it. Therefore, we do business with each other, right?” That was close, he thought.

“Oh, sure, sure. John Watson, pleased to meet you. Again.” John released his breath. “Great. The deluxe bed suits you, then?”

“Yes, well, all seems very promising.” Sherlock looked at John from under his long eyelashes, deliberately changing his voice to a lower register because he knew exactly what effect this had on other men. (And women, but Sherlock din’t care about that.)

“Yet, I have to test the mattress for real. May I lie down, please?”

+++++

The Bed Shop Boys will continue to be idiots in love tomorrow!

tagging some people @calaisreno @totallysilvergirl @lisbeth-kk @peanitbear @raina-at

[kyouka-supremacy]

Hot take, Bones doesn't deserve the amount of hate they are getting. Some, I understand but the amount I'm seeing is ridiculous. They have multiple projects they're working on and I get it, rushing through BSD isn't great but they can't animate everything. Also... the way they animated Aku makes more sense. Hard to give a soft smile losing such a large amount of blood from your neck.

Mmh, I understand that it can be disheartening to see something you like so heavily criticized, but I do believe the studio is doing some major mess up this season and that people are legitimately enraged.

I'm the first one to say that we're all here to have fun and there's not really any point on focusing on things we dislike, but I think it's also valid to be upset when something you care about a lot is treated unlovingly, and people are in their own right to express such disappointment. Moreover, I feel like in this case there is a point in expressing one's disdain. It's important to be critic of the media we consume: we could all pretend to be satisfied and settle on complacency, but wouldn't that be deeply detrimental? Otherwise, sometimes it's important to acknowledge and even state loud that you don't like something, because it's only by recognizing something is wrong that people can get to work to change it and improve. If we all tamely pretended we liked the new season, if there was no one to ever evaluate its direction, animation quality, pace, there's little hope for any of them to improve, simply because there's no need to change something people are happy with.

Theodor W. Adorno is my favorite sociologist. He once said, “the splinter in your eye is the best magnifying-glass available”. With that he meant that pain is the greatest source of knowledge. Pain allows to see things that otherwise would go unnoticed: only by acknowledging pain one can understand that something is wrong, that something needs to be changed and improved. I think it's always important to state: “this is wrong”, because nothing can ever be fixed if you don't first recognize it's broken.

Personally, I do believe what Bones studio is doing is wrong. I don't think it's fair to have such a drastic quality drop with the last season just like it wasn't in the third. I don't think it's right to not have an original opening sequence nor an ending sequence (that we know of). I don't think it's right to have such a fast pace that you can't keep up with the events. I don't think it's right to have a season filled with reused animations. I don't think it's right to have very little animation to the point there's up to 36 seconds of the same static frame in a single scene. I don't think it's right to have a quality drop in the drawings and quality inconsistency between one episode and the next. I think it's outrageous that the Fukuchi vs. sskk fight was so poorly animated and completely striped of any emotion. I don't think it's right of them to assassinate Akutagawa's chapter 88 panel. But most of all, I don't think it's right to have a season come out three months after the other. I don't think that's in any way ethically sustainable, and I don't think anyone needed that. I don't think it's right that studios don't get that people don't want an uninterrupted flow of content, people want quality content, and it's important to say that, or they'll never get it. I think they messed up greatly with this season, and I don't think being working on multiple projects can use as an excuse in any way, because as a studio you should be able to tell when you've got your hands too full to handle another project without meeting the quality standard. If Bones studio was working on too many projects, they simply shouldn't have set this season up for release so early, because again, NO ONE needs a new season after just three months.

I can see why you would say that the way they animated Akutagawa's last words makes more sense. It definitely is more rushed, and ugly. I guess one could argue that it conveys how death is precipitous and unpleasant, and doesn't leave space for last words. ... But I highly doubt that much was intentional. The sskk scene in its entirety was so poorly curated that I can hardly see the direction make thematically relevant choices. Even in the rare hypothesis it was a conscious and intentional directing choice, the outcome was still extremely underwhelming, because the moment itself doesn't feel rushed in particular since it's coming right after an episode that was rushed in its entirety.

I agree Akutagawa's death scene in the manga isn't realistic the slightest. But realism in that moment was never what the reader was asking for in the first place! It's a moment of conclusion for Akutagawa. It's the end of his cruel and hated life, and the author chooses to end it in kindness. By giving him a moment to smile and redeem himself, the author is showing Akutagawa the compassion he never received in his violence ridden life. Death scenes in media are almost never meant to be realistic! Their main aim is to move the audience, not to portray a realistic death. It's part of the deal the audience makes with the media the second they start interacting with it, to suspend their belief in order to enjoy the media at its fullest. It's, fundamentally, the same reason why you wouldn't question the characters having superpowers.

All the same, if you find yourself to be on average satisfied with the anime, that's perfectly valid too!!! I'm sorry people's disappointment may have resulted disheartening, and I understand it's hard to avoid, but my best advice is to try and curate your own internet experience to be so that you see the least negativity as possible. You might want to consider blocking and unfollowing people whose comments you find unpleasant, even if it's just temporary for the time the season airs. If it gets too much, refrain from visiting the main tag on Wednesdays when new episodes drop if that can work for you. I recognize we as a fandom could work better to build a space that is enjoyable for people who are liking the new season and wouldn't want to meet so much negativity, and I'm the first to admit I've been quite inconsistent in tagging my posts recently, so in the future I'll try to tag negativity accordingly. I do appreciate you for reaching out and sharing your opinion Anon! Let's all work together to build a better fandom space for everyone (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

[delulu-is-the-solulu-843]

Just a “friend” 2

Abby Anderson x fem reader

Summary: you’re so in love with her, but could she ever love you back?

Warnings: cursing, angst, pining, best friends, getting together

-

You stared at the polaroid in your hand, you and Abby at 18 she’s standing behind you with her arms around your waist and her chin on your shoulder while both of your arms our outreached holding the camera. You missed when it was simple times like this, when all you felt around her were butterflies not anger or the pain of trying to be perfect. Your youth faces started to blur a bit as you felt the wetness in your eyes starting to build

“God damn it” you mumble to yourself your other hand wiping your eyes

Knock knock

You jump at the sound intruding the silence of your room. You scrub your hands over your face wiping away any evidence of your pain. You get up and open the door freezing a bit at who you see behind it

“Abby?” You were confused you can’t remember the last time she showed up unannounced

She looked nervous, her hands stuffed in her jacket pockets. She had a hard time meeting her eyes.

“Hey um can we talk about something.” She asked apprehensively

Your blood ran cold. Fuck. She knew now she was going to tell you she was uncomfortable around you, she was going to tell you she never wanted to see you again. The hatred you felt turned into fear. You hated not being able to love her like she deserved but not being around her at all. That would kill you.

“Yeah sure come in” you say your voice breaking. You clear your throat as you shut the door.

She sits on the end of your bed fiddling with her fingers.

You sit in your desk chair across from her.

“So uh”

“Listen”

You both start at the same time and chuckle but it sounds humorless

“You can go first.” You told her

She nods wiping her hands on her denim covered thighs and sighs

“Listen I don’t really even know how to say this or start this at all I just.” She rambles out

“Shit” she sighs and scrubs her hand down her face and takes a deep breath.

“This is just a lot. You mean so much to me and we’ve known each other for so long and the thought of not having you in my life is terrifying but I don’t think I can take it anymore I- fuck I don’t know how to say it.” Abby groans as she looks down at her shoes rubbing the back of her neck.

You knew it. This was the end, with how she was acting you just knew it. The anger and hatred was wearing its ugly head around, you were scared terrified. You couldn’t lose abby no she meant everything to you. No you’d learn to handle your emotions because the only thing worse than not having her love was not having her love. You couldn’t do this, you were in your own personal hell. Watching her as she leaned her elbows on her knees, her leg bouncing as she fiddled with her fingers.

“Just say it abby” you bit out

She whipped her head up at you surprised, she’s heard you angry before but it was never directed at her before sure you’ve had arguments before but the way you were looking at her was just cold.

“W-what?” She asked

“Well you came her with something important to say so just say it.” You tell her plainly crossing your arms.

You knew you were being an ass, you knew she was nervous and you weren’t helping her at all, but maybe just maybe if this is your last memory together maybe it’ll hurt less.

“I’m trying! It’s not like it’s easy to say.”

“Just say it Abby we’re both adults no sense in stalling”

“What’s your problem? Did I catch you at a bad time or something?”

“Is there ever a good time?”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Just say it Abby, just tell me. I know okay. I know.” You say standing up

Abby watched you stand, her expression was blank. God she was so stupid if this was your reaction to knowing why did she ever think that maybe just maybe you’d feel the same.

“What do you know?” She asked flatly

“That you know how I feel okay. I thought I was better at hiding it but apparently fucking not!” You say angrily more at your self than her. You feel the same tears from earlier forming and you try to blink them away.

“It’s fucking pathetic being in love with your best friend, being so in love it makes you sick knowing you’ll never have a chance. So just fucking say it Abby you know it and now you want me as far away from you as possible.” You tell her your voice cracking as the tears begin to fall

And Abby is frozen watch you, your words swirling around her brain. You loved you. You love her, you were in love her.

“Abby? Please say som-“ your cut off as she jolts up and crashes her lips into yours her hands cupping your cheeks.

You stand still, your eyes wide open. Your brain still trying to catch up to what is happening. She’s kissing you, holy shit she’s kissing you.

You melt into the kiss, your hands coming up to rest and her waist.

“Im in love with you.” She says breaking the kiss

“You love me?” You ask her

“I love you.” She confirms

You laugh in disbelief kissing her again.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for years.” You say between kisses

She hums in agreement

She hears you sniffle and she breaks the kiss and she sees the tears falling down your cheeks and she brushes them away with her thumbs.

“Are you okay?” She asks worriedly

“Yeah I’m sorry I’m just so happy.” You chuckle out with a sniffle

She smiles

“Me too.”

[tightjeansjavi]

The Skeletons I Wanted to Bury

Joel Miller x f! o/c (Gwen x Joel)

A/N: this piece can be read as a filler chapter for my Joel Miller x f! o/c series ‘Burning in a Hopeless Dream’ I suggest reading chapter 16 before reading this piece. I’ve mentioned briefly before that Gwen and Joel are soulmates and this piece touches on the topic in some parts. I really enjoy the complexity of these two characters and I think it’s really important to recognize that both Gwen and Joel have ugly sides to them. I’ve grown so attached to this pair so I truly hope you all enjoy this piece. Thank you for reading ♡

~word count: 1.4k~

Summary: the words you left unspoken to Joel, find themselves on a sheet of paper, stained with your tears.

Warnings: angst, resentment, sorrow, grief, anguish, light fluff at the end, depressing tones, fear, anger, forgiveness,(+18) minors dni!

Songs used:

“To Hell & Back” by Maren Morris

“Favorite Crime” by Olivia Rodrigo

Joel,

I am happy you’re sleeping right now. Not because I’m afraid that you’ll catch me writing this letter, but because you’re exhausted and need to rest. I know you hate to admit that Bill and Frank’s deaths affect you more than you’re leading on. I know you struggle with your emotions and expressing them openly. I also know that you’ve never handled loss of any kind particularly well. I think we’re similar in that sense. I let on to believe that death, and losing those closest to me doesn’t affect me. Everyone dies eventually, right? The truth is, I’m scared. I’m absolutely fucking terrified of losing you.

I have lost you in a sense haven’t I? It’s not your fault. Although, I want to blame you. I want to scream and cry and tell you how upset it makes me when you yell, when you grow violent. I thought I knew who you were, but now I’m not so sure. I understand why Tess warned me before she died. She warned me that you would act a certain way. Her final request to me was for me to not leave you. No matter what happens, no matter what he says, you can’t leave him. He needs you more than ever now.

I wanted to leave you Joel. I was ready to turn around and leave you, and everything that has happened between us behind. I wanted to bury you in the fucking dirt. I wanted to curse your name to the wind. I was so ready to leave. I would never pull that trigger, but I wanted to. I pictured it in my mind and I know you were waiting for the bullet that never came.

I just wanted to be there for you. I wanted to comfort you. I wanted you to know that you weren’t fucking alone. I was right there and you pushed me away, Joel. There was venom falling from your lips, hatred in your eyes, and yet I stayed. I stayed because the thought of leaving you was unbearable. You are far too deeply entwined in my soul for me to leave. I hate you for it. I hate that no matter how loud my heart screams for me to leave, I never listen.

Why do you hurt the ones closest to you Joel?

The world dealt you some fucking terrible cards. You were dealt some of the worst of the deck. I know the death of your daughter haunts you, and I know you feel that you do not deserve forgiveness for not being able to save her. The guilt consumes you just like the guilt consumes me. The guilt of not being able to save my parents. I see their faces almost every night as I close my eyes. I see what the cordyceps did to them.

I see what the cordyceps have done to you Joel. You’ve been infected in another way. Infected with feeling that you can never give yourself an ounce of fucking forgiveness. It’s not your fault that the world is a shit place, filled with shit people. It’s not your fault that the government turned on you. It’s not your fault that a single soldier gunned down your daughter. It’s not your fault that Tess died. It’s not your fault that Bill and Frank died on their own accord.

I want to be bitter, I want to yell, I want to hurt you, but I can’t. I’d just be hurting myself and I’m exhausted, Joel. I can taste you on my tongue still, feel you between my thighs. I’m so glad you cannot hear my sobs, or see my tears. I do not wish to put you through that again.

I want to be stronger for you, for Ellie. Despite the fact that we’re a ticking time bomb, Joel and I hope to god that we never go off.

I don’t want you to see the ugly parts of me. I know that they’re there. They simmer in the same fashion as your own. I don’t ever want to hurt you the way that you have hurt me. I hope that one day you and I will be at peace. I hope we live in that house with a library, with horses in the field, and you make sweet love to me in our bed every fucking night.

I hope that the cards that are dealt to us end with you and I together. If I lose you, I lose myself. I’m so in love with you, Joel. I’ve never loved another person as deeply as I love you.

I know you don’t mean to be cruel, but I’m not sure how much more I can take. You’ve chipped away at my heart, piece by piece. I’ll continue to fight for you, as long as you continue to fight for me.

I know you are a good man. I’ve seen the sweeter sides to you and I never took them for granted. I cherished those moments so fucking much. I know you did too. I see it in your eyes everytime you look at me.

You’re better than the rest of them Joel. You always have been, always will.

I hope that when our time comes, we will be dancing amongst the stars.

I got you, you got me.

Always and forever,

Your Gwen.

Hot tears began to pour down your cheeks, like a leaky faucet. The skin was stained in your tears' salty wake. Eyes glassy, heart aching, clenching painfully in your chest. Teardrops fell along the worn paper, blurring together the words on parchment, washing them away. Vision obscured as you pulled an old lighter from your backpack, watching as the flame kissed the paper, igniting it. You watched the words flutter into the night sky, ember turning to black ash. Glossed over gaze reflecting in the trickling flames, climbing higher, and higher.

Your letter was turned to ash before your very eyes. The words you etched stayed fresh in your mind, like ink from a tattoo. The flames died as silent sobs wrecked through your body.

Joel sensed your distress in his light slumber. He thought maybe he was just having another hopeless dream. A twisted nightmare, until he heard your light sniffling and his conscious mind told him something was wrong. He shot up from his sleeping bag suddenly, eyes adjusting to the low light provided by the twinkling stars above. His eyes zoned in on you, like moth to flame. “Gwen?” He hesitantly whispered through the darkness. He could make out your crouched over form in the grass as he slowly approached.

You felt his hand wrap around your shoulder, fingers gentle along the thin worn fabric of your shirt. “I’m okay. I’m okay Joel.”

He hesitates, gently rubbing his thumb across your shoulder blades as he crouches down behind you. You hear his knees crack, followed by a low grunt. “Were..you crying?” He finally asks, resting his chin along your shoulder as his arms snake around your waist, gently coaxing you to rest your back against his chest.

“Yes.” You whispered admittedly.

You feel his deep inhale against your back, his breath tickles the shell of your ear as he gently exhales. “For Bill..and Frank? Or, everything?..”

You know what he means by everything by the way it falls softly from his parted lips.

“Everything.” You whispered, voice cracking.

“Oh, my sweet girl. It’s alright, darlin.’ I’m here. I’ve got you, and I ain’t lettin’ go.” He rasped against your skin.

“I’m not letting go either.”

“You need to rest. It’s been a hell of a day. You need your sleep. C’mon.” He brought his strong arms under your thighs, gently lifting you from the soft forest floor, and into his warm chest.

“I can keep watch. You need your rest too Joel.” Your cheek was lightly pressed against his chest where you could hear the steady thrum of his heartbeat.

“Sweetheart, I appreciate you thinkin’ about me, but let me do my job of keepin’ you and Ellie safe, okay?” He was taking quiet footsteps towards your sleeping bag, only to stop when you had grasped onto the front of his shirt and whispered. “No. I want to sleep in yours.”

“Okay darlin.’” He walked back to his sleeping bag, gently setting you down on it, slipping his jacket off his shoulders and placed it over you as you nestled under the warm confines of his sleeping bag.

“Thank you.” You whispered.

“You’re welcome. Sweet dreams, okay?” He pressed a feather light kiss to your forehead, closing his eyes for a moment before he reluctantly pulled away and grabbed his rifle lying alongside his backpack.

For the rest of the long night, Joel kept you and Ellie safe, just like he had promised.

Tag list for those who I think would enjoy it:

@peterhollandkait @chaotic-mystery @korynnekorynne @last-girl @wonder-harley @dinsdjrn @lovers-liability @loquaciousferret @pedrostories @pedgeitopascal @wildemaven

[kkolg]

Expression tutorial (how I do expressions)

I decided to make this due to the request of many ppl in the discord server (join btw) so here it is :) This is gonna be long so ima just put a cut here 💀🙏

If you read the last tutorial I did I might be repeating myself here so feel free to skip this part.

FACE WRINKLES

Don’t be afraid of the character looking “ugly” BECAUSE FIRST OF ALL- they won’t. Face wrinkles add so much expression to a character like GENUINELY.

It really helps, don’t be afraid to experiment!

BODY LANGUAGE

Another very important thing to take note of when creating expressive characters is body language. It really helps when trying to show a character’s expression way more. I don’t really know how to explain further so I’ll just let the picture explain for itself lol-

Yeah-

EYEBROWS

This is probably the thing I am most known for lol. Forget eyes being the gateway to the soul, ITS THE FUCKING EYEBROWS. Eyebrows are one of the BIGGEST pieces to creating an expressive character. Eyebrows can change the WHOLE emotion just by moving them a little bit

I copy/pasted those pictures there, yet just by me changing where the eyebrow is was able to change the whole expression

EYE CONTACT

This can also be a biggy for doing expressions. Making eye contact with someone usually makes you seem more trustworthy/genuine while avoiding eye contact could mean you’re lying, thinking, etc…

It’s the little things that could change the whole emotion you’re trying to convey.

EXERCISES

PRACTICE, go all out :) Just do random goofy shit lol. I usually reference myself to help me and an exercise that I find very useful is doing a very specific prompt: Not like “sad” or “angry” stuff like “you just ate a pickle with peanut butter on it” or “there’s a cockroach you’re trying to kill but turns out it can fly”. Try to be as specific as possible when doing these, it has really helped me out personally when figuring out certain expressions, specific or not

Anyways that’s about it, again please remember I’m not a professional I’m just lending out some tips I’ve learned over the years. These might not work for everyone, and that’s alright! Hope you enjoyed anyways and here’s a goofy little exercise comic I did for your troubles :)

[urushimin]

some diluc comfort writing, gn! reader

"love? are you okay?"

you heard a concerned voice, struggling to escape the fog that seemed to permeate your mind.

"ah.. yeah, i'm okay," you absentmindedly replied. it was what you usually said to anyone who asked, and you couldn't seem to focus on anything right now.

he had noticed you skipping meals, or eating a few regular meals then not eating for a full day after. he had also noticed the way your smile faltered, never reaching your eyes. you seemed quieter, and even when you were laughing and chatting with any of the citizens in liyue he would notice how you immediately seemed so tired, drained after making small talk. perhaps it was enough to fool the average liyue citizen, evident from the praise you had received from the adventurer's guild. but he couldn't help but notice the smallest things about you, the way your shoulders slumped after you came back from a commission, the slight hesitation in your reply when people asked how you were doing.

"are.. are you sure? please, if anything is troubling you, i want to know. i would listen to anything you have to say, no matter what."

you finally looked up, realizing that you had subconsciously been avoiding looking at the expression on his face, his eyebrows knitted together with worry. you felt as if the facade would fall too quickly if you let yourself talk about how you were actually feeling, so you ignored, ignored, ignored. from the moment he asked you if you were okay, you immediately knew the answer was "no." but you had never really told anyone about it, because you had to keep up a constant facade to simply get through each day.

you knew already that you struggled with feelings of despising yourself, forcing yourself to bury your feelings in work or sleeping your thoughts away. you were so afraid of being alone with your own thoughts. you had often wished that you would die in some sort of accident, that one day some force of nature would coincidentally bring you to the afterlife. but.. looking into his eyes, you couldn't help but feel less and less confident in the front you had built up.

"i... i.."

you felt your voice waver.

"i'm... okay."

something in you still wouldn't let yourself bring your walls down. you couldn't be a burden. you couldn't let him see this ugly, disgusting, pathetic part of you.

Diluc approached you, sitting at the chair across from you at the table. he simply sat there, trying to think of what to say to you.

"my love.. i'm just worried, is all. you seem preoccupied with something, but i can never tell what. i'm worried that you're hiding something that you're struggling with, and i want to be able to help in any way i can. so please.. are you really feeling alright?"

you hated this stubborn part of you. despite wanting to pour out all your fears, doubts, anxieties - the words that came out were another lie. but this time, you could feel that swirling pit of emotions starting to surface,  bubbling out from the cracks that had started to form in your walls.

"it's just.. worries about work, and what the future holds. it's not important.."

you didn't notice the tears that had started to fall, and despite trying to blink them away they just kept coming.

"I don't want you to be angry with me, for being sad over nothing, and I don't want to be a burden, and.. and I don't know what I'm doing and- "

you felt something gently wipe away your tears. pulling you into a hug, he whispered that everything would be okay. that he would always be here for you.

you were just so tired. tired of everything. you wanted to rest, but no amount of sleep seemed to help - it was the kind of tired that permeated through your bones, weighing you down and pulling you into the depths. no sobs came out, only silent tears and uneven breathing signified that you were crying. why couldn't you be better? why were you such a burden to everyone around you? your boyfriend, your friends, your parents. they're all disappointed in you, you think to yourself. all you could do was sit there in silence, wanting to hide so badly from Diluc, who, even now, was so lovingly gazing at you, gently running his hands through your hair.

"i'll stay here as long as you need, you don't have to say anything. you are my star, my companion, my friend, my lover. nothing could ever change how much i love you, my dear. so please.. i hope you'll let me be here for you."

falling into his embrace, you felt a mix of relief and guilt - relief that he wasn't disgusted with you, and guilt that Diluc was doing so much for you when you were so helpless. but.. maybe it was okay, to have him here for you.

[molsno]

hey, sorry if this is out of line, but I'm a "theyfab" (pre-everything guy, waiting for top approval, rly sensitive to hormones so worried about t) dating a transfemme. I want her to feel loved and seen by me - she's also early in transition and I want her to know that me loving her as she is DOESNT mean I won't continue to love her as she grows and changes. She's pretty shy and her only trans girl friends are online. Anyway, I want to learn how to NOT be like the tme people you've interacted with. U can ignore this, but if u do have advice I'd love to hear it!

Also, I'm really sorry about the abuse you've endured. It's not fair. It's not acceptable.

hi, I honestly appreciate you asking for advice! that to me shows that you do really care about her and want to be good to her

I think the most important thing is to keep in mind that she's in an incredibly vulnerable and precarious position. it sounds to me like she doesn't have a big support network. it can be very hard to build something like that as a trans woman (especially early in transition) but it's something that's absolutely vital. a big problem that I think a lot of us face is becoming overly dependent on a tme person (or a few of them) which can be completely devastating if that person leaves. I think the best thing you can do to help her is to encourage her to make more friends of her own. ideally, they should NOT just be your friends that you're introducing her to. she needs to have friends and allies completely separate from you. you cannot do everything for her, nor should you be expecting/expected to - that's a fast way to make sure your relationship falls apart. above all - and this is key - is to understand that you don't own her. she's an independent person, and she deserves to have her own life and make her own choices about it

I feel I should also warn you that this is going to be a very tumultuous time for her. she is literally starting to undergo a second puberty, and it will be just as distressing, hormonal, and emotional as the first one. cut her some slack if she seems irritable or upset for seemingly no reason. for me and a lot of other trans women I know, this was one of the most dysphoria-inducing periods of our lives. it very well might be for her too. it's easy to be upset that the hormones aren't working, or that changes aren't happening fast enough, or that you'll be ugly or not feminine enough, etc. she may express doubts like this. offer her reassurance! it will take time for her to see the changes she wants to see, but they'll come. in the mean time, let her know whenever you notice changes in her. maybe you'll notice her skin is softer, or her hair looks more lush, or her face is rounding out, or her hips are getting wider. let her know that you see these things and compliment her. early transition can very well be a source of joy, if she's able to take pleasure in the little changes, and you can absolutely be a part of that process!

I don't know if your relationship involves sex, and I don't want to make any assumptions about how you two engage in it if so. however, this is a common experience I hear about, so I feel like I should tell you this. don't expect her to have sex with you like a cis man. not only can it be dysphoria-inducing to always have to top, her body will possibly not even be capable of that soon due to the effects of estrogen. if that's how you've been having sex up until now, you'll have to really reorient how you two do things. I haven't read it myself, but I've heard the zine "fucking trans women" by mira bellwether contains a lot of good information on this topic. you may find it useful! I think you can read it at this link, but I'm not sure. if any of my followers have a better link, go ahead and put it in the replies!

finally, and this is honestly just a good tip for relationships in general, listen to her. if she's upset about something, take her seriously and don't pass judgment on her. don't immediately jump on the defensive if she's upset about something you've done in particular. try to put yourself in her shoes and see things from her perspective. show her that she can talk to you about anything and you'll be receptive, and you'll be able to have open, honest communication much more often, which will lead to a much stronger and healthier relationship

thank you for sending this, and thank you for your reassurance about my own trauma as well. it really means a lot to me! it really helps me feel more optimistic to know that there are tme people who are willing to listen to us and be better allies to us. I think your girlfriend is very lucky to have you, and I hope you can both be happy together!

before I go, I know I'm not that knowledgeable about your personal situation, but I would say that if you think testosterone would make you happier, you should pursue it! if you can obtain it, there's nothing wrong with taking it for a week or two, seeing how it makes you feel, and then deciding whether or not to keep taking it based on that. either way, I wish you the best!

[whispydaze]

"Love"

I have such a crazy outlook on what “love” is, and it’s wholly subjective to the internet. The internet, in some cases, has normal outlooks on “love”, but these types of things build up on the consumer of said media, creating an idealistic, completely irrational expectation when it comes to love. Expectations have been written by people who I don’t know the name of, by people who, to me, only exist through ceramic-hardened glass and pixels. My outlook on love is beautiful. It’s completely trusting and full of smiles. It’s me controlling my emotions, expressing these to my partner in an entirely healthy manner while also being that reciprocal for said partner. My expectations are what I deem minimal. A partner who: listens to my words, appreciates and respects my emotions, doesn’t leave me to deal with my emotions, listens to my rambling (even if you’ve heard it before, you’ll hear it again), can respect when I need time alone without taking it to heart. Love is words, it’s expressing your mind rawly to your partner. It doesn’t matter how ugly the words are or how beautiful they are. It’s so important to me to be able to share my vehement emotions and it’s just as important I hear it from my partner too. Love is time, and making the time to spend with my partner is valuable to me. Making the time to talk, to exist soul-to-soul with one another is so meaningful to me and has to be done weekly where possible. I truly aspire to be an easygoing partner, someone my soulmate doesn’t have to worry about, someone who is a joy to love. I don’t want to be argumentative, I don’t want to be untrusting. These negative outlooks on how I love have all rooted from social media, they aren’t who I am. I just wish I could reset my heart in the sense that my love is passionate and true, rather than based off of someone else.

[aihoshiino]

Do you think that, had Gotanda told Ai something like "show me the real you for the sake of Aqua and Ruby in the future", Ai would have been able to show her real self? For starter, the project started as an idea coming from ichigopro, so the most important thing here is "to not show your real self", or at least that is how you would perceive the task. For Ai, it meant that there was no pressure aside from Gotanda to show her real self. I think that for Ai, confronting the emotions that he has long burried in her heart was such a difficult task that she just instinctively avoided doing it. If you think you are an ugly person, you probably won't like the idea of looking deep into your heart or showing those parts to the world. So for Ai, the greatest proof of her love should have been something like showing her real self for the sake of others. I wonder if Ai was able to do that in the DVDs she left for the twins.

The thing about this framing is like… it misses the fact that for Ai, people coming to know and understand her 'true self' is something she has always actively wanted. Yes, she's afraid of putting herself out there and being vulnerable because she has faced nothing but abuse and rejection her entire life over every time she's tried to connect with people but it is nevertheless something she has expressed that she wants.

Not only that but based on what Gotanda says in that scene, it's not that Ai wasn't being totally open with him - it was Gotanda who felt he was missing something.

I don't disagree that Ai untangling all the bullshit she'd been holding onto would've been difficult and given how much emphasis is placed on her difficulty with understanding her own and other peoples' emotions, I could easily see her being unable to articulate or express some of it in a straightforward way or one that could fully get across what was going on in her head, but I disagree that it was because she was holding back - that 'please film the real me' panel is given a massive amount of visual weight and Gotanda himself says in the same breath as expressing dissatisfaction with himself that Ai did 'bare her soul' to him.

I also think it's more in line, thematically speaking, with Ai's arc for Gotanda to be the one who failed to capture the real Ai vs Ai being the one who failed to express herself. 137 gets this across the most explicitly, but again and again in Oshi no Ko, we see instances of Ai expressing herself sincerely and reaching out only for the people around her to double down on deifying, rejecting and isolating her.