#its a hell of a lot for me to go into the headspace of a 1 and write posts on 1

[justwonder113]

would you please do a reaction for when other members are being a little too close with their s/o baby bump cause they want to be the better uncle than the other members if that makes sense? like theyre trying to get the baby to recognise all their voices before its born. this would ne so cute ngl and then the member finds their s/o cuddled up with the other member having both fallen asleep on the sofa or some place like that. thanks a lot in advance!

This has to be one of the sweetest and unique asks I have ever gotten. Thank you so much for it!! I'm really terribly sorry it took me this long to write it and it's only Hyung line too. I was in really terrible headspace and I'm trying to get myself out there again. so I hope you understand. I will try to update Maknae line as fast as I can.

Warnings: There's not much to put here but if I missed any please let me know. The baby's gender is only specified in Changbin's. Just pure fluff

Masterlist

Maknae line here

Bang Chan

When you announced to the boys that you were pregnant it was safe to say that boys were over the moon. Hell, the restaurant you and Chan decided to invite boys to and annoynce the news almost banned you from how loud you were being. You were immediately showered with questions like how long you were due, when would the baby be born, if you knew the gender, everything! They were really excited to be uncles.

Ever since one could only imagine how protective they were of you. Chan and the boys did their best to support you in any way, you didn't even have to lift a finger now, everyone kept doting on you and the baby. You were also swarmed with countless questions about the baby, if you needed anything, if you craved anything, if you felt the baby kick and ect... Listening to them alone you already knew that your baby was going to be spoiled rotten. Even though you found it adorable hearing their plans and what great uncles they were going to be, you knew at some point you would have to to sit them down and talk about boundaries. Which was an impossible task! Because now as Innie talked to you (mostly your babybump) all cute and excited how much things he was going to teach the kid and how he was going to bring them with him to the coolest events ever and stuff. He even bought up an idea of maybe even convincing and possibly setting up a deal with Alexander McQueen for having your kid as the cutest model ever, Mind you the baby wasn't even born yet. As the baby of the group who was always babied and doted on he was the most excited having someone small around so he could be this cool reliable hyung to. You and Chan found it absolutely adorable how giddy he was. Heck you even made a promise to him, after convincing him to keep this a secret, much to his dismay and out of everyone's earshot, that he'd be the one to hold the baby first out of the boys once the baby was born.

Chan couldn't help but smile once you saw Innie who normally hated physical contact soundly asleep with his head on your shoulder, with you snuggling next to him all cutely. He couldn't help but to take a picture of you two, smiling, excited the most of all for the baby to be born.

Lee Know

Once you announced your pregnancy everyone was extatic. They all hugged and congratulated you, asked you hundreds of questions they were curious about. You really loved how excited they were for and you were more than happy to answer all their questions even the silliest ones. The evening was peaceful, everyone was here gathered at your house and you were spending lovely time, but everything changed when the fire nation attacked, meaning, someone, you really didn't catch who, but probably Jisung, asked if you had decided who was going to be the baby's godfather, and let's just say the hell broke loose after that, the kind not even the avatar could salvage. One second there was silence the next thing you knew was that everyone kept screaming and yelling at each other. You and Chan watched from afar, thankfully he was mature enought not to cause a scene, which couldn't have been said about your husband who was also yelling some incoherent stuff. Chan tried his best to solve the situation but at some point even he had to get involved in the fight to stop it. Everyone was yapping about god knows what at this point, you sat there on the coutch watching from the couch sipping your drink, praying that your neighbours wouldn't call the cops on you.

Jisung sat down next to you after a while all sad and pouty. The boys were yelling about something else now but you didn't really pay much attention to it. "It's not fair right! I'm Minho's and your closest friend, I should be the godfather right?" You couldn't help but huff out a laugh about Jisung's dramatic outburst. "Really Ji? The fact that I'm the one thirdwheeling whenever you're around my husband, which is a lot I might add, isn't enough for you and now you're coming for my baby too?" You couldn't help but raise your eyebrow at the audacity, Jisung looked taken aback but he quickly gathered himself and gave you the biggest smile ever. "Pretty please?" His eagerness was actually kind of endearing, you couldn't help but laugh. "I'll think about it little homewrecker." You were barely done with your sentence when Jisung basically quickly but also really carefully wrapped his arms around you and kissed your cheek very eagerly. You stayed cuddled up like that for a while and chatted for a bit while everyone was at each other's throats. Jisung talked to your bump all excitedly that he couldn't wait to meet them and that he was going to be the coolest godfather ever. Next thing you knew he was asleep still cuddled next to you. How this boy managed to fall asleep in this absolute chaos was beyond you but it was cute. Your eyes met Minho's who only raised his eyebrow at you, intrigued on what went on while he was distracted, you gave him a wink in return. You lovingly stroked your bump, You really couldn't wait for the baby to be born.

Changbin

When you and Changbin announcede that you were pregnant to the boys they were beyond extatic. They were about to pounce on you and give you the biggest hug ever but thankfully Binnie and Chan stopped them in time and warned them to be careful with you. So instead all of them decided to basically jump on your poor binnie, who was on the floor in seconds with 7 bodies on top of him, and hopefully without a concussion.

After that everything went smoothly, the boys tried to be as supportive as ever and helped you in every way they could. Your sweet Husband was also an absolute Godsend. You didn't know what you would do without him. Even now he basically helped you with everything. You really wanted to have a gender reveal party and he really jumped out of his skin trying to make everything perfect. The boys also helped out a lot, all of them were really excited to hear the gender of the kid. Jisung even wanted to place a bet but Binnie quickly stopped him by softly whacking him on the head.

The party went perfectly, your sweet husband even made the impossible possible. It was just perfection. Also everyone was so excited when they heard that you were going to have a baby girl. Binnie even burst out crying while hearing the news. You really couldn't wait for your sweet angel to be born.

You were having time of your life when Hyunjin approached you with the sweetest idea ever. He said that he knew that you still hadn't set up a nursery for the baby and suggested that he could paint the room for you and even showed you some of the inspiration he got from the internet earlier. You couldn't help but tear up at how sweet he was being. It was really one of the cutest and meaningful presents ever. Also he was so cute cute talking about how he wanted to help you create the prettiest room for the baby girl, which would be as pretty as her. You and Binnie almost burst out crying, Binnie couldn't help himself and literally almost smothered the poor boy by giving him the tightest hug ever.

You really were so thankful. You spent almost whole evening talking about various designs and ideas. Even the baby must have been really excited because she kicked for the first time that evening. Binnie and you even joked that it must be a genetic thing being obsessed with Hyunjin. Hyunjin got even more excited after witnessing it, and for the whole evening he talked to your bump about the prettiest colours and designs he was going to use for her room so she could have as pretty room as the prettiest girl deserved. You and Binnie couldn't be more grateful to have sweet people like him around especially when others also chimed in and gave you their ideas too.

Hyunjin

When you first announced your pregnancy to Hyunjin poor boy almost fainted, but once the news set in, he was more than overjoyed. He was on top of the world and since day one he was set on for giving your baby the best life possible and to spoil them rotten. You couldn't help but find it endearing how he thought about making every moment special and memorable.

He even planned the most dramatic and over the top way to announce your pregnancy to the boys and family members. He made custom envelopes with custom shirts and letters, ordered the cake which had your due date written on it with see you on top of it, ordered the best drinks and food. Also ordered most beautiful flowers. He was so excited to announce the news he wanted everything to be really beautiful and elegant, maybe it was a little over the top but it was made with taste and what's important with lots of love.

Everyone was over the moon once they heard the news, all of them congratulated you and wished you all the happiness. Hyunjin was over the moon he looked so happy like this was his greatest achievement ever. You couldn't help but tear up everything was so beautiful about this day.

All of the boys were so excited to become uncles. They already started planning how many things they were going to teach your kid, how many cool places they were going to take them too, how they were going to dote on them and spoil them rotten. The baby wasn't due yet but you already knew they were going to be most spoiled and most loved baby ever.

Out of the boys Felix seemed to be the most over the moon, he was so excited to have the baby around, he could barely contain his excitement. Which showed because in next couple of days you had almost every piece of Louis Vuitton's baby line and he had so many more plans too! Imagine that and also countless many presents from the boys too, it was like there was no space left for you and Hyunjin in your own house from all the boxes and envelopes. Of course you and your husband were more than thankful. But felix was really outshining everyone with his gifts. He even sent you his baked goodies which on you happily chewed on. Baby must have really loved his baking and you were really satisfied too with the devine taste.

Hyunjin kept joking that how would it look if baby was covered head to toe in Louis Vuitton when he was Versace ambassador himself. Felix and Hyunjin even jokingly argued which designer brand was better. They even tried to bring you into the little argument. And now you had a little ongoing bet on which designer brand was going to be your baby's favorite. You couldn't help but smile as you eyed the boys who slept on each side of you soundlessly all smiley and cuddled up to you as if they weren't the ones jokingly arguing earlier. You were really grateful that your baby was going to be surrounded with all the love in the world.

[generalllimaginesss]

"If the entire human population was in front of me, I'd still choose you” with Jack.

I can only imagine what it would be like to have fans attack you if you were publicly dating him. I feel like Jack is so conscious of this. And he’s just soft boyfriend Jack trying to block out the unnecessary noise.

Maybe they just went public and she’s getting a lot of hate and it’s making her insecure. And Jack reminds her that it’s just them against the world and the only people whose opinions matter are their family and friends who love her.

Warnings: self depreciation, insecurities, self image issues, etc. Please don't read if you're not in a good headspace!!!

This is probably my favorite thing that I’ve written. I hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it!!

plus size! reader x Jack Hughes

••

You knew that dating somebody in the limelight would have its challenges. Hell, dating an average person was hard. But nothing could have prepared you for the magnitude of hate that hit as soon as Jack went public with your relationship.

It wasn't like the relationship was new. The two of you had been dating for almost a year before he decided to post you on his Instagram. You let Jack set the pace since he was used to the attention. He could let things go in one ear and out the other a lot easier than you could. He was almost conditioned to be able to do that. You, on the other hand, took everything very personally. Every comment about your weight, about what you wore, about how Jack looked miserable with you, they all hit you like a ton of bricks.

You didn't understand why all of these people were coming at you saying so many horrible things, but Jack tried his best to ease your mind and remind you that at the end of the day it was you and him.

He did a really good job at this normally, but he was away on a roadie for a few days and things began to get really bad. This started when you saw a fan account for Jack post something about how Jack downgraded from Sienna to you and all of the comments agreeing.

It was like a rabbit hole...once you clicked on that post it led you to many others. They all made you feel like shit, but when people started commenting on your body, saying that they "didn't know Jack dated plus size girls," it hurt. Your body was yours. It wasn't like you could just zip it off and find a new one, but if you could you would, just to shut the comments up.

You spent the 3 days Jack was gone in a really dark depression. No laundry was done, you hadn't showered, and you barely could make yourself get out of bed to brush your teeth. Dishes piled in the sink, but you couldn't make yourself do them. You knew the signs of your depression, but you welcomed them in a way, almost like a coping mechanism. Not allowing people to see you was the only way the haters couldn't get new material. Was it a healthy way to cope? Obviously not, but it was what worked in the moment.

As soon as Jack walked through the front door, returning from the games, he could tell something wasn't right. You always kept up with the chores when he was away, normally making the house spotless before he got back. So when he saw the state of the kitchen and eventually the rest of the house, he knew something was off.

When he walked into the bedroom and saw that you were pretty much in the same spot he left you in he immediately dropped his bags and climbed into the bed with you, forcing you to look at him.

He gently shifted your body to face him, cupping your cheek gently with his hand.

"Baby, what happened," He made note of the streaks that stained your face, probably from countless hours of crying. He wanted to make them disappear immediately. You were his happy-go-lucky, carefree girl. You danced around the house all the time, singing whatever song was playing. This side of you was uncharted territory that he wanted to take away so bad.

"I just need you to hold me," You began to hyperventilate, worried that if he didn't hold you that he would leave you. Even though that would never in a million years cross his mind. But he did as you asked, and whether it was for 5 minutes or 30 minutes, he didn't know. He held you until you pulled away.

"Can we talk about it?" Jack asked, pulling the hair that crusted on your cheek from the tears out of your face. He treated you like you were fragile, and you hated that he felt that way.

"It's just the comments, Jack. I'm already insecure sometimes and these people come at me in so many horrible ways," You began to explain, loose tears streaming down your face, but you were composed otherwise.

"They compare me to Sienna, and God, I know I'm not as pretty as her. They tell me I'm fat and that they didn't know you dated "fat" girls. It's just insane. Do they not realize that I actually am a real person with real emotions? Do they know that I've believed, at some point in time, the things they are saying? I've worked so hard to get to this place where I'm at, to love who I am, and within the span of 3 days they just tear it all down," You let the words just flow from your mouth, whatever thought that comes to mind is voiced to Jack.

"Baby, they don't care. They don't care because they're jealous," He tries to soothe you, but it almost made you mad. Not at Jack, but at the whole situation.

"What the fuck are they jealous of? My thighs that I cover with leggings and pants so that I won't have to go through the pain of them chafing? Are they jealous of the fucking stretch marks that go up my stomach, so I refuse to wear regular bikini bottoms? I mean what the fuck, do they want my anxiety and depression? I will gladly give them that..." The tears were beginning to pick up, but Jack continued to rub your back, waiting to get the chance to speak again.

"I know you could have any girl you wanted. It makes me sick when I see some blonde walk past that looks like she stepped out of a magazine because I know that's what you deserve. You don't deserve this. You're Jack fucking Hughes," You looked at him, your lip quivering. You were going to say something else, but Jack put his finger on your lips, gently stopping you from continuing.

"You gotta stop that. I can't let you keep putting yourself down like this, not when I love you with my whole fucking heart," He began.

"First off, I had that. I had whatever you consider a girl walking out of a magazine is. Look how that turned out. It didn't, did it? You don't look like Sienna, and I'm so fucking glad because I don't want her kind of beautiful. I want your kind. I want to see all of the things on your body that show me that you lived. I don't want some manufactured cookie-cutter girlfriend. I want somebody that nobody else has," He pulled you in for a hug, continuing to talk while placing kisses ever so gently on your cheek and neck, looking out the window at the busyness that was the outside world. All he could think about was how you didn't see what he saw. Why couldn't you see it?

"Baby, I want you to realize something. If the entire human population was in front of me, I'd still choose you. Without a second thought, with no regrets. Every. Single. Time. You have such a special relationship with my brothers and that means the absolute world to me. They love you so much. My parents tell me I should marry you anytime that you come up in the conversation. The entire team has commented on how much happier I am with you. And if I'm being completely honest, at the end of the day I don't give a damn what anybody else has to say because it's me and you until the end. Do you understand me?" He broke the hug, cupping your face with both hands and wiping at the tears with his thumbs.

"I love you," You whisper, your voice long gone by now.

Jack pulls your forehead toward his lips, kissing it for a few seconds before letting your head go.

"I love you, too. More than you, or anybody else, will ever know. Now, I think we could go for some cleaning karaoke, yeah? I'll wash the dishes if you'll dry them," He poked at your side, trying, and succeeding, in forcing a grin on your face.

"Only if we can get a shower together afterwards," You bargained, taking in the beautiful boy.

"Deal," He says and drags you off to the kitchen, connecting his phone the the speaker and blaring Dierks Bentley's new song "Beer at My Funeral," occasionally twirling you in a circle.

The water may or may not have gotten everywhere since Jack decided it was a good idea to spray you with the hose that connected to the sink, but he enjoyed every second that he got chased by you around the island.

Once the dishes were put up and the shower washed away the remaining bit of your depression, Jack couldn't help but to just admire you. He promised himself then that he would remind you so often of how beautiful you were so that would be the only words ringing through your head, taking up any space that the hate may have. Because it was true. You were the most beautiful and precious thing that had ever walked into his life, and he'd be damned if anyone made you feel otherwise.

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[estro-gem]

Jax x Gangle (Situation-ship): Raptors and Reptiles

The Amazing Digital Circus AU: Oasis

Author's note: Thank you all who showed your support for my previous fanfic! I didn't expect people to actually enjoy it, but I'm not complaining at all. You all made me blush like crazy! I'm really flattered.

Welcome to the Gangle-centred fic! These events happens after those of the previous oneshot, but you don't really need context for it to still make sense.

This story is a little less of a series of events and a little more of a descriptive narrative - definitely not everyone's cup of tea - but at least you get to see unhinged Gangle, I guess... And a little bunnydoll is sprinkled in there too....Maybe a speck of Zooble x Gangle to wrap it all in a nice little bow.

Ths fanfic is very much a situation-ship, instead of a romantic ship. I love the concept of Jax x Ragatha too much to break it in this AU. We are all free to ship whoever; we are all here to have fun!

I hope didn't make too many distracting mistakes in the grammar.

Warnings: Angst, easy on the fluff. All characters and the story of The Amazing Digital Circus belong to Gooseworx!

SUMMARY:

Gangle meets Jax in the hallway right after his long visit to Ragatha. It's been a hard day with a new face arriving so suddenly and Jax looks a little worse for wear.

One look at Gangle's face was enough to have him on edge again.

Please enjoy!

RAPTORS AND REPTILES

In the desert, there is a bird that, despite their wings and the ability to hunt mid-flight, nests beneath the very ground.

The burrowing owl.

It’s small, it’s quick, and it’s silent. The Amazing Digital Circus was a desert, inhabited by characters who banded together to form their own paradise. It was far from flawless, but together, they made a desolate hell into an inhabitable home.

The owl was fleeing back to its burrow after stalking the delicious fresh meat that graced them with their arrival earlier that day. The new arrival was known as Pomni and she had unfortunately proven to be a nuisance to their beloved Ragatha. Minutes prior to the raptor’s flight to her burrow, she spotted the jester loudly blubbering from the hall while standing just outside the ragdoll’s door. She can only imagine Ragatha’s face upon hearing Pomnni’s voice frantically try to apologize.

Of course, Ragatha wouldn’t let the jester in so soon; just as the owl suspected. Pomni had a lot to learn and a lot to prove before she was going to be accepted. The soft sobs that the burrowing owl had heard from Pomni’s mouth, before walking through her new room's door, gave enough of a clue for the raptor to find that the jester seemed to realize that.

But that was enough spying – she had a burrow waiting for her.

“We really need to get you a bell.”

Gangle halted at the sound of Jax’s voice. She was almost startled by it since she just passed his door without hearing it open next right to her. His voice came from further down the hall. Based on the today’s event’s, the petite character could easily deduce that the male paid a nice, long visit to Ragatha. She had the suspicion that he would, but it was nice to receive confirmation.

When Gangle turned around, she almost missed how he stiffened in alarm.

Jax’s smug expression was fixed, and he seemed to be the personification of ‘unbothered,’ but she knew better. When it came to one’s headspace or emotion, she always knew better – call it a blessing from being born with 2 faces.

Jax was deeply disturbed, but he wouldn’t show it. It was understandable, she thought to herself. Today was a rough day and they had fresh meat to worry about. The ribbonoid girl suffered greatly under the brutal bullying of Jax, with tears practically staining cheeks by the end of it all. She should’ve been broken down and crying. Jax was prepared to see her sulk until the following morning, but he wasn’t prepared for her to present as she had in her current state.

Jax wasn’t prepared to be faced with Gangle’s bright smile.

“Someone has a pep in their step.” He quipped sarcastically, “One wouldn’t be able to say that you spend the entirety of the day with tears streaming down your face.”

It didn’t matter how easily Jax was able to fool everyone. Sure, it wasn’t all a simple façade; he really did enjoy being the menace that would ruin anyone’s day, but to call him incapable of caring would be a crime. The snake struck because it was his role – his nature – and the snake was arguably the most dedicated to his role in the oasis.

She saw the rabbit shift into a wider stance as he suddenly took extreme interest in one of his now torn gloves. Gangle didn’t notice that little detail before – something must’ve gotten his skin. Him reacting the way he did, meant that he was immeasurably uncomfortable.

Something within her shifted. If anything, the sight of his torn gloves and the fact that he just left Ragatha’s room, prompted the burrowing owl to come out of its shelter.

She suddenly craved the meat of a reptile.

“I was crying all day…” Gangle slowly took a step forward. She wanted to see him squirm a bit more before she struck her talons into him, “No thanks to you, of course…”

“What can I say? My theatrics tend to bring people to tears.” Jax kept up his aloof demeanor. He didn’t seem to quite catch on to what had her ribbons in such a twist. All he could do in the meantime, was suppress the shudder that crawled up his back while witnessing Gangle’s positively, unsettling smile.

It’s one of the only ways she could express anger, after all. It was bone-chilling.

“Judging by the state of you gloves and your previous whereabouts,” the girl used her head to motion to the door behind Jax, as he did his best to block her view of it, “I’m assuming that you were responsible for tears other than mine, yes?”

THUMP

Now that did it.

Jax was so adorable when he lost his temper. Being the only ‘animal’ in the circus, Jax tended to revert to his feral instincts when he was overcome with emotion. Gangle always found it so queer.

“Cut the crap.” Jax spat, averting his gaze in embarrassment, before glaring back sternly, “I didn’t do anything to her. I wouldn’t!”

“Your outburst doesn’t support your case, Bunny~” her voice chimed smoothly as Gangle’s smile stretched inhumanly wide in response. She knew just how to drive into her personalized predatory charms. As a burrowing owl, it’s impossible to believe that Gangle was above anything. She spent most of her time stalking underground, below their feet. Unnoticed, until she revealed herself.

And reveal herself she did.

“You know that only I do what I have to do – nothing more!” Jax’s grin widened in kind, like a snake baring his fangs as he poised to strike. He lowered his voice to a harsh whisper, “Our little dolly needed some special attention. Since you were M.I.A. I bit the bullet. You’re welcome, by the way.”

Gangle’s eyes narrowed to slits, “I dealt with Caine to get my mask fixed. He drew it out more than necessary. I was about to pay Ragatha a visit before I saw you slip into her room.”

“And you figured that 2 is compony and 3 is a crowd, right?” His sarcasm never let up, even when he was rattled by her unwavering gaze.

“We both know that you just loved every minute you had with our sweet Ragatha…” Gangle leaned in closer, until she was too close for comfort. She intended to bait Jax into losing himself. If he did, she could take it… until she could wrap her ribbons around him as restraints. She would scream for someone to help; to check on Ragatha. Until then, she needed him to give her reason to do so, “Want me to believe that it's a chore for you to manhandle your doll?”

“Want me to wipe that smile off your face, Ribbons?”

Silence.

Tension.

Feral looks that could kill.

All, but no violence. No claws or teeth. Jax was perfectly composed, despite being as disheveled as he was. Yes, the rabbit was on edge and oozing with anger and frustration, but I kept his hands to himself, and his claws retracted. He only displayed his wide, feral smile – inches away from Gangle’s face. The snake’s threat display.

That was all Gangle needed to calm her racing mind.

Jax was still sane and merely acting within his role. Nobody got hurt, despite Jax having felt the need to bare his claws at some point this evening. A wave of relief washed over her as she allowed herself to pull back and deflate her stance.

No need for talons to sink into snakes tonight.

Jax drew back as well, mirroring her stance. Gangle could see his eyes soften slowly, upon realization that she was just fulfilling her role as his was fulfilling his. Unbeknownst to the ribbinoid, Jax heart swelled as the moment lingered. He felt the urge to display his appreciation to Gangle for wanting to protect their Ragatha.

Their precious water spring.

Sure, he was offended that she would think him capable of even thinking of harming the ragdoll, but it was the sentiment that won him over. Gangle was the raptor with the bird’s eye view, after all.

She poked and prodded; she searched and tracked for anything and any sign of Jax falling out of line. The masked girl’s mind was racing and calculating, as she was assigned to; with a brilliant mind such as her own. A certain gleam in Jax gaze had Gangle deduce that his mind was called back to a fond memory of them, operating in sync.

Maybe back to when Gangle first arrived in the circus…

Since no one could remember anything before entering The Amazing Digital Circus, Gangle considered her memories to be precious. She was prone to cling to as many as she could.

Her memory was actually brilliant. The mess of ribbons she was, with nothing more than a mask for a head, would leave one thinking that Gangle’s mind was as empty as the space behind her mask was, but her memory was practically photographic. Every shift, every twitch, every mannerism and every micro-expression along with the extensive description of what it all meant – enabled Gangle to easily read and understand her peers.

She could practically read their minds with a single glance.

She’d recall almost anything to the finest detail, but no one needed to know that. It didn’t concern them… and being frail and weak in stature, means that her mental ability was her greatest strength.

Her only strength.

She could still precisely recall her arrival in this forsaken hellscape.  

When she first arrived in the digital realm, she ripped off her comedy mask – thinking that it was her headset that she put on moments before.

However, instead of escaping the new virtual reality that she ungracefully stumbled into, she was just overwhelmed with an undeniable sense of dread and sorrow. The negative emotions brought her to her knees as she scrambled to maintain her grip on the smiling mask. Back then, she didn’t know that it was just because of her tragedy mask fronting. It wasn’t until she saw herself in the mirror, when she could fully comprehend her masks’ ties to her emotions.

Ragatha remained by her side throughout her first day, gently providing a safe space for Gangle to breathe. She did her best to shoo away the chaos that always possessed the tent, whether it be the NPC's the Caine cooked up for them or the other's curious, prying eyes. Gangle couldn't voice it then, but the doll was her saving grace.

They all thought that the ribbinoid wouldn’t last a week.

It felt like hours as Gangle sat in front of that mirror, wearing and removing the respective masks… growing used to the internal waves of emotions that ebbed and flowed from joy to sorrow. It was uncanny how she could feel an indescribable, undeniable joy in the most unfortunate circumstances.

A part of her wanted to believe that she had already lost her mind... but she could never experience the full range of emotions all at once. Maybe, for that reason, Gangle held out for so long.

Maybe she couldn’t abstract, no matter how hard she tried to.

Can one experience a mental breakdown if you already had 2 heads?

One mask would always nullify the other – and that, in itself, was Gangle’s own personal hell. As time progressed and days went by, she’d wear her comedy mask for the kick of it. A close friend abstracted? She’d pop that bad boy on and revel in the horrified faces of her fellow inhabitants as she laughs and smiles like she doesn’t have a care in the world.

That little trick had even brought Jax to unadulterated unease.

She was addicted to the control she had in her self-expression, as it was the only control she believed to have at the time. A smile amidst that tragedy. It drove everyone around her to the brink of insanity. She apparently left them to question the urgency and distress of the ones they lost by the day, but that only had her bursting with uncontrollable cackles.

Nothing mattered anyway.

Everything was so much funnier and lighter with her comedy mask – a high she couldn’t live without at the time. Upon having it broken by Jax for the first time, forced a tsunami of the pent-up negativity to crash into her being. The bunny presumably couldn't stand another minute of living with the girls cold, chilling smile.

This was when Gangle realized that any of her emotions were banked until she wore the relevant mask to let them out.

It was a never-ending dive from the previous high.

Once she recovered after days of crying, screaming, and wailing in fear, agony and sorrow, she accepted and welcomed the bitter melancholy of her existential crises. For the first time since she woke up in the digital world, Gangle found comfort in sadness.

And she realized her need for Jax.

He was the panic button she needed but didn’t always want. He was happy to bask in her tears. She knew that he would be on the prowl to hunt her down, desperate to still the ever-growing hunger he had; to be the greater evil. Gangle would always welcome him with open arms, because in the end, she couldn’t trust herself anymore. She needed her friends.

Because without them, she would turn to that undeniable happiness once again – and she would lose herself in it. This was the very beginning of Jax’s new role of ‘snake’ and her new role of ‘owl.’

Jax and his charming, fiendish stunts operated the groundwork by biting everyone in an attempt to be the occupational hazard. Gangle and her bird’s eye view could oversee it all and silently direct or divert Jax to and from suitable victims. She was the only one who could unnerve the bunny into having him take someone seriously. She was the only one whose eyes and mind he could trust when reading into their behavior. The owl snatched the snake who carelessly parades his antics.

On the other hand, Jax was the only one that could read her state of managing her… ‘addiction.’ He was the only one who would dare bash into her shield – her comedy mask - because the snake strikes the owl weighing heavy with neglect of self-reflection.

Two predators with each other as prey.

Gangle blinked to find Jax searching for something in her expression. Even though their dispute was quietly resolved, Jax still seemed to be bothered by something. The girl made quick work to figure out what it could be – starting with today’s events.

He took such good care of her, Zooble and Kinger today.

This day was stressful and disorienting with Pomni’s arrival. Gangle felt the phantom urge to reach for her comedy mask; her smiling shield of denial. By some devine intervention, her mask was broken due to unfortunate circumstances and without her consent or control. At least, when Jax broke it, it was because it was her choice to plead for his intervention with her eyes – desperate not to fall into old, destructive habits again.

Today, her mask broke, because of her clumsiness.

Her mistakes.

Luckily, Jax was quick to fix that! He purposefully stepped onto it, effectively rubbing salt into the fresh wound. Suddenly, it was him that was the problem! Yes, he didn’t need to do that - that was just evil!

The greater evil – the menace.

Throughout the day, Jax kept them under his heel and stomped on them for good measure. The day’s stress and uncertainty regarding the arrival of Pomni and some fake exit door was gradually drowned by Jax’s antics, and they all fell into routine once again. It was a crying shame that Ragatha had to suffer alone. If only they could’ve done something more…

Something clicked.

Gangle paid attention to Jax’s face again. He looked so tired, but desperate all the same. The masked girl blinked again and suddenly she knew exactly what he needed. What he yearned for.

He needed to see that he’d done enough.

...

With slow movements, Gangle reached for the edges of her comedy mask and removed it from her face. Jax fixed his gaze on her current, sad expression and found no suddenly overflow of tears, no uncontrollable sobbing and no screaming. It was just Gangle’s calm, sad, yet content expression staring back at him. There was no repressed emotion for her to show.

“You asked me if I want you to wipe the smile off of my face...” Gangle spoke, voice wobbly due to her sad expression, “It’s not necessary, I don’t need to be smiling to be ok.”

Jax eyes widened by a fraction, but that was all she needed to understand that he was truly surprised, as if he didn’t expect her to really be content and coping.

She gave a bitter smile; the friendliest one she could muster on her tragedy mask, “You won’t see me crying, though. You’ve already done enough of that today.”

You’ve already done enough.

To an outsider, Gangle's words would sound bitter and petty, but with the way she looked at him, she wanted Jax to feel nothing but reassurance.

You've done enough.

Gangle wasn’t surprised to see Jax stare at her in disbelief, but she was surprised to see sudden, spontaneous tears sprout from his eyes. She almost missed it with how quickly he ripped away his gaze. She couldn’t say or do anything fast enough, before Jax swung around and ripped Ragatha’s door open, entered, then throw it shut just as fast. The ribbinoid stood awestruck in the silent hallway.

She wasn’t upset; she felt honored.

She’d savor this moment until the day she’d abstract, like so many of them had before her. Brief worry flashed in her mind, but it dissipated upon looking at Ragatha’s face on the door. Jax was where he needed to be at this very moment. Although she couldn’t hear Jax sobbing into his arms as he sat against the door with his knees brought to his chest, she was sure that his doll sat right next to him.

Even though Ragatha would be tired and drained after today’s events, she would always make room for someone in need to wash away their sorrow in her clean water.

Knowing the doll, Gangle could only guess that Ragatha ended up eavesdropping on their whole encounter - biding time before splashing into action once things got too heated.

Gangle loved Ragatha for that.

She turned slowly, still dumbstruck and touched by what she had witnessed from Jax and then walked down the hall without a worry in the world. Maybe she will pay her beloved Zooble a visit before retiring for the night. She'd love to let her guard down.

She'd love for something to wrap around.

Gangle looked down at her comedy mask, smiling at her. It felt like a warm, welcoming smile... and she couldn’t help but feel content.

She didn’t feel like wearing a smile anyway.

Oasis: TADC AU list

Masterlist

[the-s1lly-corner]

Seeing Kinger stuff is so nice gosh! Would it be cool to get the rest of the fluff alphabet with him please? Or if that's too much the ones you'd like to write about most

Kinger fluff alphabet! the whole thing!

two things one is more so one of my personal woe things unrelated to you but i deleted my masterlist immediately after finishing it because i didnt like the layout of it; 3 hours down the drain SOBS other thing! imma go ahead and link the other fluff alphabet stuff so its a complete list! actually third surprise thing, WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME I ACCIDENTALLY FORGOT TO PUT P IN THE FLUFF ALPHABET/lh/nm i fixed it now but i cant believe i skipped a letter i feel so dumb

ABSTRACT- if you were to ever abstract he would probably abstract himself. i mean if the things about queener/queenie are true and they were close, then that would mean this guy would lose a loved one TWICE. that would most definitely break someone, and kinger is already on the edge as it is. if he somehow doesnt abstract, he probably becomes even more paranoid; kind of shutting everyone out almost because he sure as hell knows he cant take a third heartbreak. rarely ever leaves his pillow fort, unless hes physically dragged out? sometimes he forgets you're gone, because he just refuses to believe the truth. sad stuff

BONDING- will rattle on and on about cool bug facts, if he has his own collection in his room he will show you it! maybe, if you want, he will let you hold some of the critters! tells a lot of stories, nicer ones from when things in the circus arent so... bad.. usually when hes in a good headspace! you get the feeling he embellishes his stories... not too different from a grandfather trying to make his experiences seem more glamorous and action packed than they really were

CUDDLING- he is very hard, due to him being a chess piece, but his clothes do a really good job at softening him! no arms :(... usually rests his hands on your back, or maybe has one on your shoulder and the other on your hip. switches between being big and little spoon, sometimes he wants to hold and sometimes he wants to be held

DATES- you can find them here!

EMOTION- kinger is... odd... im not sure where he lies, because i think sometimes he does have moments where he remembers thing and it overwhelms him, so that may be the main time hes the emotional one. however, i guess this entire time for emotional ive been focusing on more.. 'bad' emotions, but i think kinger would gush about how much he loves you, like WOAH! he is just overflowing with feelings right now

FAMILY- honestly he gives me dad vibes, if this dude doesnt already have kids in the real world (wow thats a sad thought... dude is like MIA probably and his kids are left to wonder where he went. double owie if queener/queenie was his real life wife before things happened) so if you guys make it back to the real world and unite, you're gonna be a step parent! would he like to have more kids with you? i think it depends, he would want it, though!

GIFT- you know how some people put bugs in like, cases to preserve them or something? i feel like he would give you those with some of his prettier bugs! loves anything you give him, he always keeps them stored safe in his room!

HARSH- you guys dont really get into arguments, i dont think! kinger doesnt like hiding things from you unless its something deeply personal, but otherwise hes an open book to you

IN HOUSE ADVENTURE- here!

JEALOUSY- its not so much as him being jealous as it is him being paranoid that something is going to happen to him or you, so! even if he wasnt worrying himself half to death he doesnt exactly seem like the jealous type to me, tbh

KISS- its time for my favorite thing for characters with no mouth!!! he boinks his face into yours, i actually wrote something for this! not gonna link it since its so short and i can easily relay the idea: but he would internally hype himself up (usually does this if this is the beginning of the relationship, he gets more confident as time goes on!), and just lightly 'pecks' your cheek before pulling away. loves kissing your cheeks as well as the back of your hands. loves being kisses where his mouth would be as well as his cheeks

LOVE LANGUAGE- quality time!! this man follows you around like a love sick puppy, because he loves you so much but also because again, he worries.. he also likes doing acts of service for you, makes him feel like hes capable of doing things on his own (which he is!). loves it when you return the favor via words of affirmation

MENDED- is he dreaming? is he imagining things again?

nope, its really you. somehow, you've recovered from abstracting, and you're now out of the cellar. he wants to hold you and never ever ever let you go, out of fear that hes going to come to his senses any second and youll be gone. wants to keep you in the pillow fort with him, or at least within his line of sight

NO- its less of an active dealbreaker and more of a "hey this is going to stress him out and probably hurt his mental health" but like, i dont think he would pair well with a really really intense person. like sure caien is pretty intense, but its not like caine is going to be spending a significant amount of time with him everyday, but like. you know? like i talk about some characters enjoying being on their toes and left guessing in regards to their partner, but kinger is NOT one of those people. he needs stability

PDA- less of a case where he actively and knowingly indulges in PDA and more so a case where he subconsciously holds onto your hand to keep you at arms length and to feel you. due to his lack of arms he has probably wandered off without you (and his hand) at least once. is not opposed to PDA, though, so long as its not like. insane

QUIET TIME- quiet time between the two of you is very rare. sure kinger can be very quiet when hes alone, but when hes alone with someone else, someone he cares so much about.. he cant help but fill the silence with words, to keep the ringing in his ears at bay .. so really quiet time is talking time

ROSES- ill mention it again in V (i wrote v before this section), he loves giving you roses especially on special occations! loves receiving flowers as well, he seems like a rose kind of guy as well

SHH- the one thing he doesnt like talking about is queener/queenie, well, more so the last few days leading up to her abstraction. it brings up. well, memories. on one hand he doesnt want to forget her, but on the other hand he doesnt want to bare the pain of those terrible memories

TUNES- THIS THIS THIS THIS ONE ALWAYS COME TO MY HEAD WHEN I THINK OF ROMANTIC HCS FOR SWEETIDEAS FOR OLDER GUYS IDK WHY

UPSET- im going back and forth with a lot of these as i fill in the list so! tying this in with E, i mention one of the only times he gets emotional is when he remembers some unfortunate events that took place in the circus. you're going to need to console him and bring him back to the present moment :(. when you're upset he tries to distract you, takes you to his fort, and tells you stories

VALENTINE- on the chance that he remembers what day it is, hes going to give you the most sterotypical date he can give to you. i think it might be because i can kind of see kinger as like, a classic/stereotypical romantic when it comes to you. flowers, he cant take you out to dinner so he takes you out to the digital lake to gaze at the clouds and watch the bugs pass

WANT- he wants a companion, he wants stability, and thats something he needs. he wants someone to be compassionate about him, his wellbeing, and his interests

XOXO- here! as well as Yearn!

ZZZ- if you guys go to sleep together its always in his room, where hes more comfortable. he also has a thing where he insists on being the one closer to the door; almost as if hes offering himself as protection to you should someone unwanted to come in. huh. always sleep holding onto you, snores like a dad

[richonnesbitch]

Oooh ok now we know your fav TOWL kiss(es) so the logical next question is what is/are you favorite TWD kiss(es) ???

And between your fav TOWL and fav TWD kiss… which one wins 😈

Just wanna start this off by saying I'm sorry I took so long to get to this! I've been busy lately but I wanted to give this question the time it deserved because I could really go on and on about every richonne kiss. But I am going to limit myself to my top 3. I would do more but currently I'm not in the hest headspace so its hard for me to think! This is in no particular order because it's hard as hell to pick favorites! Anywayyyy let's get started.

1. Have Your Mints

Okay so before richonne I wasn't really one of those people that shipped couples, okay? Of course I loved the chemistry between richonne but I wasn't as hardcore about it as I am now. I remember where I was when this moment happened. When I say it changed my life, it changed my entire DAMN life. Like, I was shell-shocked in the most amazing way possible. Never have I felt such euphoria in my life than I did when Rick and Michonne finally happened! I immediately became a VERY hard-core shipper. I would literally rewatch this kiss on repeat for HOURS for MONTHS straight. Obsessed was not even the word. Like it was straight up addiction the way I would watch it. Naturally it would have to be my favorite kiss! It's just so beautiful and romantic and sensual and tender, etc, etc, etc. I've never seen anything else like it. To quote Scott Gimple, "These are two people who have found kindred spirits in each other, strength, respect, support, loyalty. But the world has been screaming in their faces and clawing at them for a good part of their acquaintance. For all they’ve been through, when the world stopped screaming and clawing for them, they realized what they had." Wooooo! What a gorgeous quote. Basically, this kiss invented romance for me and changed the entire course of my life. I had to give it the #1 spot, I had to. I had to!!!

2. The Triple Kiss

This kiss is just too damn cute. If I'm not mistaken, it's the only casual kiss we ever get between richonne. Most of the time they're making out lmao! But it just goes to show how life has slowed down a lot for them and now they're fully able to enjoy their time together and they can take time with their kisses. It's so domestic. Also find it cute how Rick knows Michonne likes too work hard but kinda softly tells her to take it easy for the night because he wants to cuddle her to sleep. This whole scene is too good.

3. Hearts Still Beating

Well, this kiss was almost too dark to see but from what I did see it was sexy as fuck! And also very loving at the same time. Richonne is so good at that. I love love love LOVE Michonne's speech. She has such a way with words, her thinking about becoming a writer at one point in her life makes SO much sense. The way she talks about how she doesn't wanna do things her way. she wants to do it her AND Rick's way. She doesn't wanna do anything without her man by her side. The way she not only convines Rick to fight the saviors but also uplifts him in the process.... she is so one of a kind. And the way Rick listens intensely and values each and every word. This scene is also extra sweet because not only does it drive the narrative forward but it's also a makeup scene for Rick and Michonne who have been at odds! Whenever she starts crying and he cups her face and kisses her.... ughhhh you can just FEEL the yearning they've been experiencing over each other. They missed each other so bad and it feels so good for both of them to be back on the same page. This isn't an actual picture of the kiss but a still from the same scene. WHY IS THE STILL BRIGHTER THAN THE SCENE IN THE EPISODE!?!?! Lowkey I feel like someone on set was trying to sabotage them.

Now.... how do these compare to TOWL kisses? Well, this is kind of like asking a parent to pick their favorite child. How can I choose when they're all so perfect?!?!?!?! But seriously if you really want me to choose.....I have to go with the "have your mints" scene. I'm sorry! I just do. I mean... it's where we all started. It's what turned me into a shipper and kicked off the greatest love story of all time. Did I mention it was all done in one take and Danai and Andy essentially took their own direction for the scene? Meaning everything they did was unscripted and yet it still came off as the most natural thing in the world.... how can it not win?!?!

[huntedhauntedhunter]

I have TADC agere headcanons...if anyone cares (prolly not haha)

Posting on art blog because I post my agere art here sometimes, so why not headcanons and writings too?

Will be tagged properly so you can blacklist it if you want.

Age regressors: Gangle and Pomni (FT. YOU)

Caretakers: Jax (yes and I will explain more later), Ragatha, and Zooble

Grandparent who spoils the agere and helps the caretakers: Kinger

I don't have...a spot/hc for Caine yet...sorry...feel free to tell me what you think he'd be good as though, and why/how!

------

🎀Agere Gangle: Its kind of obvious and she's not oblivious to it or in denial. She loves agere and finds it comfty and safe. She loves to draw for hours and have playdates with Pomni (she actually convinces Pomni its ok and to do it.)

I HC her caretaker as Zooble, who can be romantic or platonic! I just think Zooble would be a good caretaker for her.

📐Caretaker Zooble: Zooble is...meh about it on the surface. They don't care and they don't think they need to be so public about it. But once in the headspace, they're kind of like...a cigerette mom? Where they're sarcastic about everything, and they question almost all of your choices with a specific type of judgementalness...but they really care and if anyone (Jax) fucks with their baby, it's gonna go down.

Having Gangle as their little really opens up a protective side they didn't know they had in them. Beating the shit outta Jax becomes a more common occurence.

🤹🏻‍♀️Agere Pomni: Pomni is def in denial, and it takes a LOT of convincing from Gangle (and gentle coaxing from Ragatha telling her it's ok) to really let themselves get into it. She is very shy and anxious about it. At first she was paranoid about others finding out (namely Jax), but one Jax finds out and she becomes accustomed to...him, she really gets into. I feel Ragatha would be the best caretaker, whether platonic or romantic (altho I personally lean towards romantic!)

🔪Caretaker Ragatha: (Knife emoji is for a few reasons haha) I've seen everyone under the sun HC Ragatha as a caretaker...and so they've pretty much already said everything and I agree! Gentle, loving, sweet, but also firm and no nonsense. Her and Jax get into a LOT of fights over the littles...like, a lot. It's like watching two parents at a sports event scuffle over whose kid is better.

♟Grandpa Kinger: I HC Kinger as a grandpa figure. He isn't really a caretaker, but he spoils the littles and plays along with everyone whether he actually knows whats going on or not. Def lets them hide in his pillow fortress, whether to play in, sleep in, or be naughty and hide from their caretakers in. Teaches them about insects...plays silly games with them...etc.

🐇Caretaker Jax: OK...this one is purely for me and I have a lot amusing scenarios with Jax in which I think he'd be a fun and unique type of caretaker...So hear me out...(Since I don't see him as a caretaker for anyone in the circus, section will be xreader, sorry! I made him a caretaker for me, but if anyone does read this and enjoys it...here you go.)

It'd start with him finding out about you being an agere. And in typical Jax fashion, he would mock, berate, and tease the hell out of you every single chance he got. He would def make you cry and be paranoid, because he would go through your room and nitpick anything and everything he found.

Slowly though, and I mean SO slowly you wouldn't even notice it was happening...he would insert himself as your caretaker. Like, I'm talking he would just find amusement in teasing you and playing the part, making you upset and then saying shit like "what, aren't I a good daddy?" when he "helps" you fix the problem he caused...or sushing you by sticking a paci in your mouth, or threatening to spank you if you annoy him just a tad.

He would eventually just. Go to the playdates and sit between Zooble and Ragatha and just...start pretending he's your parent. Behind your back. You wouldn't realize he's doing this or talking about you in this way for awhile. You'd only realize it one day, when you Pomni and Gangle are having a fun competition, and you hear Jax yell at the others about how "his kids the best and gonna win", or some sports dad shit.

You don't know how to confront him, TBH...I'll let you insert how you'd personally confront him.

He's super teasing, loves having excuses to "punish" you (usually puts you in a poorly made baby jail), and acts like a mix between a deadbeat dad who only intercepts when he feels like it, and a protective dad who feels like he has to fight everyone about you being better than all the other "brats".

(Sorry the Jax part is so long, I just have lots of feelings about it...and IK the fandom would see "caretaker Jax" and laugh at how absurd that is which is fair, it's meant to be absurd! That's part of the fun and why I enjoy the idea so much.)

Anyways...yeah...that's it...just need HCs for Caine and Bubble and I'll be set....Sorry for how long this is and if you for some reason decided to read it...wow.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Love-Bites (2)

In which the relationship between you and Jungkook is just something special.

Tags/Warnings: Dog Hybrid!Reader x Idol!Jungkook, DDLG themes, sub/little headspace, soft dom!Jungkook, fluff, minor angst, established relationship, puppy gets a lil lost, but dw

<- Previous | Next ->

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You're alone.

You know Jungkook might be back any minute now, but for the moment, you're alone. Maybe he's gonna be gone for some more hours? You're not sure. You've never been able to tell time by feeling alone very well.

Your caretaker, a student working part time, had left you a few minutes prior. She's not supposed to, you know that from your simple routine- because you're not supposed to be alone. You can totally survive by yourself, you're not stupid- but there's a lot of things you just shouldn't do on your own, as any second of the day, you could slip into your headspace.

And right after she'd left you- you did.

It was probably the fact that she left you alone that you slipped- mind needing comfort and reassurance as you're not used to being all on your own with no one else around. The apartment seems bigger- has the ceiling always been this high up?

You're hungry.

But you're not allowed to cook by yourself. Jungkook doesn't like that because you could cut yourself, or burn your fingers, all things that have happened before. And you don't want to be bad.

But then again, aren't you already being bad by being alone?

Slipping into your boots, you grab your coat and leave the apartment. You can't stay alone, that's bad- so you'll go and find him instead, easy!

Or maybe not. Since when has Seoul been this busy?

You don't even realize how long you've been walking around until the sky turns dark, sun slowly setting. Nighttime is scary alone. Maybe you should go home instead-

Except, where is home?

When Jungkook comes home and isn't immediately greeted with the sight of you, he already knows something is wrong. No one's there- everything seemingly abandoned, TV still running, a letter on the table.

"Sorry, something important came up. She was alright with me leaving her, so I hope it was okay!"

No, it was absolutely not okay.

Your boots and coat are both missing, giving him all the clues he needs to realize what you might've done. This is bad - you're already bad at navigating your surroundings when you're fully conscious. Who knows how much time he has until you slip and lose that ability entirely.

He's trying to stay calm, but its not easy.

He's walking from spot to spot around Seoul he could think of where you might be, but you're not there. There's no trace of you anywhere, and your collar is still at home, so he can't track your tag with his phone either. How is he supposed to find you now?

You're lost, and he can't help.

When his phone rings, he can't help but be a little frustrated in answering it- before he hears what the voice on the other side has to say.

"Lost something?" Yoongi chuckles, a TV in the background as he talks into the phone. "I don't know why she was running around alone, but uhm.. you can pick her up at my place at any point, just so you know." He tells his bandmate.

"Where the hell was she?" Jungkook asks, sighing as be releases a breath he didn't even realize he was holding. "I searched everywhere! The fucking caretaker just left her alone..!" He groans, while making his way to his bandmate's apartment. "I'll pick her up right away." He simply says, before he hangs up, walking into the elevator leading up to the apartment where you wait for him.

And as soon as he rings the doorbell, and Yoongi opens- you spot him too eagerly running into him, excited that he's here to bring you home.

Completely oblivious for the moment, how dire the situation really was.

You'll realize it later, probably, once you're a bit more clear in your head, but for now, he simply brings you home, pampers you in the bathtub, before he wraps you in a blanket and keeps you on his lap.

You laugh, as you both sit in front of the TV. "What's so funny, puppy?" He chuckles too, as you look up at him, tail wagging.

"Clingy." You comment, and he smiles, nodding.

"I am. Very." He agrees. "Cause I want my puppy close all the time." He explains, and at that, you wiggle around to free your arms to hug him close.

He really does want you close all the time.

And from now on, the collar stays on.

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR Rambles 12 times Vaati got his ass kicked

Insanity, Vaati being pathetic.

What's new?

Ooop. Zelda showing off how she'll kill you within 2 seconds of being in HER castle.

Link's letter was smth addressed earlier: He warned her with a letter he was going to pull the sword.

Which implies a certain amount of impersonal-ness to the action. He didn't want her talking him out of it lmfao. He was already struggling with defying Vio's persistence so it makes sense he didn't want Zelda to try and logic his ass either.

Her outfit being the sneaky armor in botw, presumably so she could sneak attack, whoever ended up attacking her.

I thought it'd also be a fun throwback to Sheik and spoiler:

Zelda's gender identity is pretty open. Link referred to her with "They" pronouns earlier in the comic but I didn't feel it was very relevant to bring up at the time lmfao. Zelda's all sorts of gender in this comic to say the least.

The reason why Vaati knows she's around is smth I'll get into later when it's more relevant.

"Damn would you have preferred Gannon???" - Vaati probably.

Zelda isn't playing around she wants to know where her blonde twink is at.

Vaati is a bitch about it of course.

Oh she mad.

She real mad.

"PATRICK THATS NOT A HOOKER!!!"

"It's not?"

"ITS A BOMB 💣!!!!"

Vaatis stupid as hell expression before she goes boom is hilarious to me.

Smth people seem to be CONFUSED about fsr is Vaati's not so subtle Zelda simping.

Vaati is a Zelda simp, that's really all there is too it. The extent of that simping is smth I've joked about a lot.

So he got his ass handed to him.

Shadow himself noted vaati must be weak as hell earlier so. Guess he was right.

Smth of note: vaati is struggling to keep his form in the "wind mage" form. As his body keeps trying to revert to the "wind demon" design

Those titles are used interchangeably in the manga but I call his Hylian disguise his "wind mage" form and the demon form his "wind demon" form personally.

Zelda casually drops the fact she was trying to murder Vaati with that blast. She isn't playing around. Makes sense this asshole held her prisoner for who knows how long before and did something to her best friend.

Haha vaatis pathetic and also in pain.

Good.

His suffering is all the direct cause of his own actions so...hard to feel TOO bad for him rn.

Zelda certainly doesn't.

Link’s shitty state outright made her a more cold hearted person it seems.

Not that'd I'd blame her for that lmfao.

Vaati struggling to get back to being handsome lmfao.

Vaati, my bro, when are you going to do a single thing for yourself????

Okay but the implication Dark Link let Vaati get his ass kicked and only jumped in to help when Vaati called for help is very funny.

Dark links comedically large sword is just interesting. It's not a four sword replica like Shadow’s.

Zelda is in shock at the weird Link coming out of nowhere.

Darks immediate reaction of being flustered at seeing Zelda is so funny to me.

"HYLIA'S MASSIVE TITS, IT'S A WOMAN!!!"

And fun note: This is the first time Dark's actually for reals appeared in the physical world and not just in the "Headspace".

Subtly creepy he isn't just a mental problem but a physical danger as well.

His attack was very calculated, as he didn't hurt Zelda and just slammed his sword in front of her...

...Haven't we seen smth...SIMILAR TO THIS?

Huh well, look at that...

Sweaty weirdo Dark Link enters the chat.

No it was not just for the memes he's actually just like that lmfao.

So from what we know about Dark so far there's some things to note:

Our buddy boy can see the memories of others and "live" through their experiences.

Yall see what it is getting at right?

Shadow link, Vio, and Vaati's emotions and memories are influencing Darks inability to harm Zelda here.

And perhaps he formed feeling a certain kind of way about her.

He associates her with positive feelings lmfao.

Their influence aside, he still chooses not to hurt her on his own.

Vaati’s reaction is priceless.

Zelda seems to grant Dark some mercy, assumably because he outright denied Vaati here lol.

For his sparing of Zelda he gets squished like a dog toy. Poor Dark Link.

Vaati leaves with his dumbass lackey.

When you casualy blow a hole in your castle lmfao.

She's overwhelmed.

She need break.

She need hug.

She need...Link.

Pff.

Guys, he has self-awareness...fuck.

Vaati, that was just unnecessarily mean to your lackey.

Also Dark Link appearance wise:

His hair color has changed. It's purple toned now when it was grey blue toned earlier....

Okay I'll stop being coy it's because he's mimicking Vio's appearance.

Oh. Well, that's a face, alright...

Is he ANGRY? Is he HAPPY?

Did he make that face because he knows it'd freak Vaati out?

Vaati’s abusive bullshit doesn't seem to damper his mood at least as he's smiling in the 3rd panel.

Dark link and Shadow link are very different people, ESPECIALY when it comes to how they cope with Vaati's abuse.

It left a mark on Shadow where as as of right now at least, Dark acts MOSTLY unbothered by it.

Let's face it rn his idea of normal relationships are Shadow and vio lmfaoooooooo-

The dudes who both almost murdered each other.

Pff

His "I want kisses too" line will never not get a laugh out of me.

It's so indicative of how he actually feels.

He wants kisses.

He drops that Shadow is the demon king and for a second you gotta wonder if Vaati was like

"...Why is Gannon smooching Vio?????"

Dark Link also wants to dance. Both are things he saw Vio and Shadow do, mind you...

Vaati has no idea wtf is going on lmfao.

Dark has eclipsed him as the true villain of this comic-

I say in jest.

Dark casually recaps stuff we already kinda know.

While trying to dance with Vaati pff.

Funny enough, taking the lead in said dance, which reflects how he's the one doing all the work rn.

So, Dark link is interpreting peoples feelings, not 100% understanding them. 🤔

He has to actually think about Blue's emotional state hah and even seems surprised.

It's funny to think that even Green picked up on blue being jealous, and basically everyone did, but Dark had to think about it...

Kinda shows he doesn't really understand people much. Like TRUELY.

Or he's just not as interested in blue vs Vio and Shadow.

Dark stutters again like he did when he was face to face with Zelda.

Vaatis so mean mocking his stutter and continues to berate him.

Well that was an outburst.

And I finally get to talk in detail about Dark Link’s "mechanics" for a lack of a better term will expand on the next page.

Design/art wise:

Dark's teeth are all sharp here when normally, despite being a demon his teeth are flat/human looking teeth.

The background is a more red version of the head-space Vio and Green have been dragged to when Dark talks to them/at them.

Immediately he's back to being himself.

Weirdly happy, which settles in the true horror of the previous outbirst:

He didn't mean, a single word of what he just said.

He said that, PURELY to hurt Vaati because it's something that Vaati already feels about himself. He wasn't actually MAD at Vaati and snapping in response to Vaati's abuse. He was just reflecting Vaati's anger right back at him.

So smth about Dark:

He often reflects DIRECTLY how others behave.

Instances of such:

The madder Vaati got in this talk, the "angrier" Dark Link got right back at him.

He shouted at Dark to "Do something" and he responded angrily back that he didn't want to hurt Zelda.

He shouted and berated Dark Link causing Dark to shout that nobody loves Vaati.

Dark Link's nature is to be calm, quiet, pretty "Happy" and kinda hopelessly romantic lmao. He wants to have his idea of "Fun" with people.

He MIMICS people.

Dark has no identity of his own (At least he doesn't seem to realize he does) so often he just bounces off people. He only takes joy in hurting others atm.

Not even in an outright malicious way. At least not the kind of malicious that's "haha I broke the hero because I hate him". This is just what his idea of "Fun" is. What his idea of normal interactions are. This is just what he's suposed to be doing rn.

He isn't acting much outside of his direct reason for creation. What he even deems as fun is indicative of his creation as well.

Engaging with their range of emotions and characters and memories he deems interesting is FUN to him.

If his dialogue from page 121 is anything to go off of, bro really doesn't give a shit about his job. He just wants to have fun:

He finds it amusing Shadow can ALSO manipulate people's feelings, outright kind of complimenting him for it.

And then gets hopelessly distracted and starts talking about what he'd "Rather do" right now.

Which involves hugging Vio and reading oop.

He didn't get SUPER involved/invested in Shadow's memories until Vio and Shadow were doing more "interesting" things, at least in Dark's opinion of what is "interesting."

Dark wants to engage in relationships lmfao. But he's stuck engaging with memories living though them vicariously and hurting people he supposedly "Likes".

He wants to dance with someone and kiss them and in general have "happy" moments with someone. But is stuck being a curse that's only purpose is to break the hero apart and reflect negativity.

It's kinda sad.

But he clearly hasn't reflected on his own life/situation outside of Vaati's feelings towards him.

Also: Dark has no desire to kill any of the Link or Link himself...keep this in mind.

Again: He reflects Vaati's mood of annoyance with that face in the second panel. Which kills me. You just know Vaati's making the same face off screen lmfao.

Symbolism symbolism

Dark plucks the violet but leaves the silent princess alone outside of petting it. Call back to how he left Zelda alone.

He says more stuff we kinda already know, but recapping is good. Actually, we spent like 100 pages in flashbacks, hah.

It also shows what Dark learned/his takeaway from watching their interactions.

Haha oh Dark why are you ripping petals out?

There's smth to be said about him ripping the petals out as the game "She loves me, she loves me not" is a vibe that's being invoked here.

With the odd amount of petals (Being 5) it'd land on "She loves me" by the way.

A relatively innocent game turned into something sinister as he rips petals out in accordance with how many heroes there are.

Dark's behavior continues to be ODD, as he claims Shadow's predicament is "Sad". Which is true.

But...does his expression REALLY scream that he's ACTUALLY sad about it to you?

His chest eyeball just stares blankly forward, his body language implies he's just kinda pretending or acting sad.

Which makes sense, Dark hasn't been shown to clearly understand sorrow properly as even when he cried he was still smiling.

He compares Vio and Shadow's struggles with their identities directly as they're both struggling with who they're SUPOSED to be compared to who they are.

Again: he's ripping a petal out as he talks about each member of the Link squad.

Notes notes notes my favorite:

For whatever reason Vio is not in his present day look here. He's how he looked 7 years ago.

You could make a lot of different assumptions as to why:

Is this how Dark sees Vio? Vio visually represented to be stuck in the past. Vio just feeling more childishly scared in the face of what's happening.

Dark's comforting Vio here in a similar manor to how Shadow did though.

Also super weird: Dark actually in a round about way compliments Vio here.

"He's so blinded by his self hatred he can't see just how much everyone adores him because of his calm cool nature..."

Dark can feel how others feel about Vio and repeated those opinions.

This is smth to note because so far the only things he's really repeated out loud have been negative things people feel about THEMSELVES.

Outside of when he complimented Shadow.

But this shows he can actually recognize positive feelings people have towards others and repeat those too...

And outright stating: He "likes" Vio.

Because of his strong reaction to Zelda, we can assume that he likes people depending on how others feel about them. Because the team likes Vio: So does Dark Link.

Another petal falls while he dips into Green's problems. Who's the only other one we've seen him play around with so far outside of Vio and Shadow And not even really with Shadow...

Weirdly enough Green feels empty inside because he's diet link lmfao.

I told yall I'd give him a personality.

Harbors guilt for lazing around when everyone else was doing stuff. Ouch.

He felt the need to promise Link he'd keep shit okay but he doesn't even know if he CAN.

Blue and his ptsd.

Dark continues to hug people while utterly obliterating them as people lmao.

Blue can't express his emotions arounv Vio which is a theme we'll see as we go into the comic more.

Vio looking back at Blue tho is, a thing.

To be fair to Dark's assesment of Red: red hasn't done anything in the comic yet.

Him chucking the flower the second it's not pretty anymore and, eating the petal is just funny in a morbid way.

Creepy thing: He ate the petal that "Symbolized" Red. The sweet optimistic character. Kinda just shows Dark consumes everything around him in a pit of despair lmfao. Also it's hilarious that he ate smth that he shouldn't have.

Vaati's disgusted reaction to said petal eating is very funny and Dark's monologue about HIMSELF is very telling I feel.

He thinks he's a hero, because he's saving someone. Removed from context that Vaati is a villain and the fac to "Save" Vaati he needed to hurt the REAL hero of Hyrule...

His actions are preventative at the moment: he's making so Link can't reform and the pieces can't seal Vaati back into the sword.

Dark's actions all make sense to Dark Link. XD

Nobody is cheering him, so he just blatantly says "YAY DARK LINK!!!" Which is honestly the funniest lines Dark has said purely because it shows his childish outlook on this entire situation.

He's just the hero saving Vaati.

Dark's clearly annoyed to some degree nothing he does is bringing Vaati any amount of satisfaction.

He did what he was supposed to do. The sword is drawn. Vaati is free.

Dark even mocks Vaati's impatience and his need to control someone else to do his work for him. Hitting Vaati right where it hurts with Vaati's insecurity about being a pawn.

Instantly also going for the throat with "Master Elzo and Link would be disgusted with you"

Obviously: He's talking about Minish Cap Link NOT "our" Link.

This use of their names offends Vaati to no end.

The fight scene is fun, enough said. XD

Okay fine: Ramble thoughts.

Dark manages to mauver his way into not getting properly hit.

Dark's fascination with strangling people is not missed as he does it to Vaati here.

As he repeats things he knows will hurt Vaati's feelings.

Vaati is being unreasonable and stupid in Dark's eyes so him bringing up Vaati's insecurities to make a point is just his attempt to get Vaati to listen to him.

Despite his actions seeming to go against it: He IS on Vaati's side and IS trying to "save" Vaati.

He isn't even saying/acting out of spite, he's just kinda lowkey annoyed and exasperated at Vaati at best. XD

We hit the image count so I'll pick up later.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

TW: Mentioned past torture. Mentioned past self harm. Mentioned death. Just Killer really not being in a good headspace.

——

This is just me exploring that need for something new.

—-

It’s easy for Killer, while in Stage 2, to get very, very, bored. The type of boredom that’s dangerous for himself and others.

Killer does purposefully cause conflict and chaos for Nightmare, even outside the battlefield or missions. Often heckling or saying/doing some pretty fucked up shit to his ‘coworkers,’ sometimes he literally can’t resist doing it.

Because he wants to see how people will react. Sometimes he just does or says these things without even thinking about it, it’s instinct for him. He has to do it. He can’t explain why, he just knows he does.

Because whenever he doesn’t, the world gets darker and colder and blurry. He gets weird, cold and unresponsive and unmoving. He wouldn’t move or eat or sleep or drink or do anything if he doesn’t follow his..instincts.

All that comes after the reckless, self destructive, almost manic behavior. He gets twitchy and itchy and he just..needs something new.

He could never say where his mind went during those times. It reminds him of how he was during a period of time with Chara, before he killed them. In his mind, he’s dubbed them “the Dark Days.”

Cliche. But that’s how it was for him. “The Dark Days” lasted for about…200, maybe 400, Resets. He couldn’t measure it in time, days or weeks or years didn’t exist to him unless Chara decided they did. Time was a luxury the human gifted him. Resets were all he was allowed.

His world was always an empty and uninteresting place, but it got worse when he was like that. Things became predictable, routine, he could recite everything by memory. He knew what Grillby was going to say if Killer did this, he knew how loud Monster Kid would scream and cry if Killer did that.

Nothing felt real. Just a video game running its script, NPCs following their programming.

And his partner wouldn’t allow him to do anything else. The world bent to Chara’s will with a simple click of a button and yet they decided to see how long he would fare without a Reset. Disappeared because they got bored of him.

He didn’t know long it was like that. Just him, the Stages, dust and voices in his head. There wasn’t even anything or anyone to kill. Food and magic hit an all time low, and that was the only time he was certain that he would die and stay dead.

He would’ve accepted that. Parts of him wanted to die, parts of him thought at least it’d be something different, parts of him accepted Chara’s design of his fate.

A part of him was too scared to die. The animal didn’t want to roll over and submit.

He didn’t understand why, he didn’t think he would ever understand that part of himself. Especially not then. There was nothing left to do, nothing left to see, nothing left to experience or feel. Nothing left to live for.

Death would be kinder to them than any living being ever could. And that was one thing he hadn’t experienced. Kindness. It’d be.. something new.

Regardless, that part did what it always did best. Survive.

Somehow, someway, that part redeemed them — redeemed him — in Chara’s eyes. Enough to come back to retrieve him, release him from his Hell. Heal all his self inflicted injuries with a simple, glorious push of that beautiful button.

But he didn’t forget that. Didn’t forgive that. He let a lot of things slide, but for some reason, that was what he couldn’t let go.

He never wanted to experience that again.

He needed control, he needed freedom. He couldn’t allow anyone to ever reduce him to that state again.

He needed Chara gone. Or at least weakened.

He needed power.

He needed strength.

He needed the ability to Reset.

He needed..

…DETERMINATION.

[sam-is-my-safe-word]

Demon Dreams

Demon!Dean Winchester x Jensen Ackles

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Non- AU, Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Season/Series 10, Character Bleed, Jensen Is Not Okay, Jared is Jared, Jared Is Worried About Jensen, Demon Dean Winchester, Demon Dean Is An Asshole, Emotional Manipulation, Identity Crisis, Possession, Sort of? - Freeform, Wet Dreams, Oral Sex, Rough Oral Sex, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Strangulation, Exorcisms, Sexorcism If You Will,

Word Count: 3,201

Summary: Jensen is no stranger to character bleed. But it's not meant to take over your life like this, right?

Notes:

I'm participating in @jacklesversebingo and this part will fill my "you fed my demons" "you created mine" square.

Okay, this is the most fictional thing I've ever written lol. This is an utterly fictional Jensen set in an AU with no wives or children. I am not implying for one single second that anything in this fic actually occured. Nor am I implying Jensen is gay or bisexual. Please don't sue me lol. Also, first time writing RPF/RPS. Still feel some kinda way about it. Be gentle with me (even though I am not gentle with you, my dear readers)

Endless thanks to my beta @runawaydr3amerao3 for all her help in making this so much better than I could have & for her comma wrangling <3 Endless thanks also to @talltalesandbedtimestories for getting me involved in this whole bingo thing & cheering me on <3

Jensen is no stranger to character bleed. It’s happened before. Some characters are just too heavy. 

It’s happened with Dean a few times. Hard scenes that invade his dreams for days afterwards. Character arcs that refuse to leave when he sheds Dean to put Jensen back on and leave him snapping at everyone. 

This is different, though. This is like the character has taken on a life of its own in his head. 

Jensen is no stranger to sex dreams either. He’s a healthy guy in his mid-thirties with no long-term partner and a job that takes up almost all his life. 

Jerking off at 3am because he woke up hard from a dream of some faceless someone riding him like a mechanical bull, and his alarm is going to go off in just over an hour and he’d really like to sleep a little more and sleep won’t happen until he deals with his cock, is just another part of life. 

This is different as well. This isn’t a faceless stranger. He knows the person haunting his dreams. 

Intimately. 

Jensen has dreamed about Dean lots of times. He’s an old friend. 

This is not his Dean. 

~~~

Demon Dean was a challenge. He started out fun to play, a nice mix-up. A chance for extended scenes with Mark, to let out Dean’s inner asshole. A sex scene - awkward - and a fight scene - awesome. The black contacts weren’t fun but overall it was a good time. 

Up until filming the third episode, when he had to act against Jared again, and suddenly Demon Dean wasn’t fun anymore. Then it was hard. Then it was fighting against every acting instinct that came with ten years of Dean, ten years with Jared. 

Not Dean, Sam’s brother anymore; Demon Dean, Sam’s enemy. It was a hard headspace to get into. Chasing Jared around the bunker with a hammer was brutal. He couldn’t even truly lose himself in the character because he still had to direct everyone else. 

Then it was over. Just three episodes and he was free to lose the murder shirt and style his hair properly again. 

And he’s proud of his work. Especially ‘Soul Survivor’. It’s always a challenge to balance actor and director, but he’s thrilled with how it turned out. He made Demon Dean a true threat to Sam, and as long as he doesn’t examine that too closely, it’s okay. 

But it’s been a couple of weeks since they finished ‘Soul Survivor’, and Jensen is still waking up sweating after dreams about black eyes and the words ‘do it’ ringing in his ears. 

~~~

Look, Jensen is a perfectly sane guy. He has a great handle on his mental health, knows the signs of when he needs to reach out. Hell, after ten years of helping Jared, Jensen would say he probably knows more about mental health than most people who don’t actually suffer with mental health problems. 

So while he knows that his dreams of weapons, black eyes and the thrill of the chase are just character bleed, he also knows that he needs to be aware in case they develop into something serious. 

But nothing he knows tells him what to do when he starts to look forward to his dark dreams. 

Jared might be able to help, though. 

So a few days later, when he wakes up hard and aching after dreaming about Demon Dean fucking his throat raw - all while holding a knife to it - after he’s taken care of the problem, he texts Jared - once he’s washed his hands, of course. 

It’s still early, but Jared gets up hours before he needs to, to work out and walk his dogs and generally become a person. A far cry from Jensen, who falls out of bed after four snoozes of his alarm and downs coffee until his eyes open. 

Jensen: You up?

Jared: Yeah, lol. Why are YOU up?

Jensen: Can’t sleep. Can I ask you something? 

There’s a pause and Jensen thinks maybe Jared’s sitting down or something. No one asks to talk at 3:30am. He isn’t expecting the phone to ring in his hand. 

“‘Lo.” 

“You okay? Not like you to be up at this time, never mind asking if you can ask me something.” 

This is exactly what Jensen didn’t want. Now he has to try and explain himself with words instead of text. 

“I’m okay. Just… Do you even dream about Sam?” 

Jared lets out a small laugh; Jensen can hear the relief. 

“All the time, man. All the fucking time. You don’t dream about Dean?” 

“Yeah, I do. I mean… like, weird dreams about Sam?” 

Jared hums. 

“I had a recurring dream that he kept showing up to my high school graduation and glaring at me. Like I was an asshole for finishing school, y’know.” 

Jared chuckles.

“Or when I’ve gone a little too hard on the candy and there’s Sam, staring at me from across a table with a pile of salad in front of him. Like, okay, dude. You’re a health nut, I’m not. That kind of weird?”

God help Jensen, Jared is going to make him spell it out. 

“Not exactly…” 

Jared must hear something in his voice because he starts to laugh, far too loudly for the time of day. 

“Ohhhh… that kind of weird. Jackles, you pervert, you.” 

This was a terrible idea, why did he even message Jared? He’ll never live this down now.

“No, not like- I mean, that kind of weird but not… Stop fucking laughing, Jared.” 

Jared has gone from laughing to belly laughing; Jensen can hear him fighting for breath. 

“I’m sorry...”

“You’re not.” 

“No, I’m not. This is too funny. Hollywood hot-shot Jensen Ackles all in knots at 3am because he had a wet dream-” 

“I fucking DID NOT!” 

He did, though, night after night. 

“Why are you blushing then?” 

“I’m no-” 

Damnit, he is. He can feel his cheeks heating up. 

“It wasn’t a wet fucking dream, Jared. I’m not thirteen, for chrissakes. It was just a weird dream and it kinda freaked me out.” 

“A weird sex dream, you mean.” 

“Yes.” 

Jared is still laughing but it’s starting to die down now. 

“Okay, calm down. Yes, I dream about Sam. Yes, sometimes they’re weird. Yes, sometimes they’re sex-dreams-weird. Hell, I dream about fucking Sam more than I dream about fucking anyone else.” 

Jared sounds perfectly at peace with this revelation, and if it was regular Dean that Jensen was dreaming about, he might get it. 

“I mean, it’s either dream about fucking Sam or dream about fucking you . I’ll take Sam any day.” 

Jared starts fake gagging and Jensen is over this entire conversation. 

“Okay, good talk. Thanks, Jared. I’ll see you in a little while. Let’s just forget this ever happened.” 

“Wait. You know I’m only messin’ with you. You can talk-” 

*Click*

Well, that was a waste of time. Jared sounded sincere at the end, but Jensen is too embarrassed to even try to talk now. Hopefully by the time he has to face Jared in the car, Jared will have found something else to talk about. 

~~~

Jared was smart enough not to bring up the early morning phone call, and after a brief hug and a nod, they were all good. 

Demon Dean, though? He’s dining out on the call, milking Jensen’s embarrassment for all it’s worth. 

It’s a special kind of humiliation when someone is three fingers deep in your ass and you’re moaning like a whore, and they bring up an awkward 3am call you had with your best friend a few days ago. 

“So you think this is weird, huh?” 

Jensen never doubted Dean’s swagger was well earned, but Demon Dean turns it up to eleven. Jensen hasn’t come this hard since he was a teen, and it’s part of the reason he looks forward to these damn dreams, even though they freak him the fuck out. 

“‘Cause you sure seem to like it.” 

Demon Dean twists his fingers and Jensen howls.  

“You like being here, at my mercy. You like when it hurts, when you’re scared. When I take it.” 

Jensen’s hips buck. God, he’s so close. 

“This is where you should be. That pretty face needs to be sucking cock or face down in the sheets.” 

Jensen isn’t eighteen anymore, he’s not new to the scene and insecure about himself. He knows he’s a good actor, a good director, a fucking professional. But something about Demon Dean cuts through all that and suddenly he’s a kid again, doubting everything. It makes him even harder. The pitch black eyes and the waves of menace rolling off Demon Dean make Jensen legitimately scared of him, even though he knows it’s just a dream. 

“Does it feel weird , Jensen?” 

Jensen can only moan in response. It’s so fucking good. 

“Answer me!” 

There’s the cold and heavy weight of a hammer pressing into his Adam's apple, and when Jensen opens his eyes, Demon Dean’s own ice black is all he can see. 

“N…no.” 

He’s rewarded for his answer by a hard thrust in and upwards. He’s right there, he can taste it. 

“N…no.” 

Demon Dean mocks him. 

“No, it doesn’t look like it, either. Looks like you’re having a blast. Cunt so tight around my fingers. Looks like you’re right where you should be.”

Jensen can’t breathe. 

“Say it. Say you feel right here, cunt stuffed full of me.” 

“I…”

“Say it, Jensen. Or I’ll stop.” 

“Fuck. Fuck… I feel right.” 

“That’s it. This is what you’re good for, isn't it? Just a pretty boy to get fucked.” 

“Ju-just a pretty boy to get fucked. Fucking… please!” 

Demon Dean smiles coldly. 

Jensen wakes with a groan, hips still thrusting into the mattress as he soaks the sheets.

More laundry. He should buy more sheet sets. 

~~~

Jared pulls Jensen aside a couple of weeks after the call. They’re out with some cast and crew from that week's episode, just relaxing, having some drinks and blowing off steam after a difficult shoot. 

Jensen really doesn’t want to be there, doesn’t want to be anywhere, really. But he couldn’t refuse, not without prompting more questions. So he paints on a smile, sticks to beer and tries to let the conversations happen around him without getting involved. 

Jared must notice his discomfort and grabs him on a trip to the bathroom. 

“You alright, dude?” 

Jensen sighs internally. He doesn’t want to do this. 

“I’m fine, just tired, y’know.” 

Jared cocks his head a little; looks at Jensen too closely. 

“You wanna get out of here? I’ll split an Uber with you?” 

God yes. But then it will be questions on Monday and he can’t with that. 

“No, I’m good. Besides, you’re having a good time. You don’t gotta leave on account of my old ass.” 

Another head tilt, Jared really can be a puppy at times. Normally, Jensen adores this caring side of his friend. But he’d give anything to have that focus aimed away from him right now. 

“Jen…” 

“I’m fine! Okay. I’m fucking tired, it’s been a long week. Let’s just… get another drink or something. Okay?” 

Jensen didn’t mean for Dean to come out of his mouth then. It happens, but not usually in temper like that. Jared holds his hands up in surrender and lets Jensen walk past him, back to their group. 

~~~

He’s on his knees, Demon Dean’s cock buried in his throat. It hurts, he can’t breathe, but it feels so good. 

“Fuck, that’s it. Choke on it. Gonna get that throat all fucked out.” 

Jensen moans and digs his fingers into Demon Dean’s hips. 

“Gotta help you find Dean’s voice somehow. Know you’ve been having trouble with that.” 

Demon Dean runs a hand through his hair as he says it and Jensen forgets to be offended.

“That’s it. That’s it. Pretty mouth on my cock. Just like it should be.”

~~~

Something isn’t right with Jensen. Everyone can see it. He’s just not present anymore. Not totally at least. He gives it his best on set, but he just can’t seem to find the right headspace anymore. Scenes that he would knock out in two takes, max., are taking six/seven/eight now. 

Jared is beside himself with worry. 

“Jensen, please. If you won’t talk to me, talk to someone, anyone. Please!”

“I’m fine, Jay.” 

Weary smile. Tired eyes. 

“Jensen. Is this about those dreams you were having?” 

“No! Of course not. Anyway, I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Jen…” 

“Night, Jared.” 

~~~

“I should just keep you here, Jensen. In your mind with me, all the time. Think how good it would be, nothing to worry about. Just pleasing me.” 

“Please…” 

“So fuckin’ pretty. Made to be laid out on silk sheets and just fucked . Over and over and over. This is where you should be.” 

“Fuck…” 

“Too much pressure out there. Acting, directing, managing your life. Wouldn’t you rather stay here, just us?” 

“Yes. Fuck yes. With you.” 

~~~

It comes to a head during the filming of ‘The Executioner’s Song’. An absolutely pivotal moment for Dean, and Jensen just cannot get his head in the game. Everyone is frustrated, including Jensen. 

But as always, it’s Jared that breaks the spell in the end. 

“C’mon, dude. Get it together. I’m sick of redoing this scene.” 

It’s said with humour, but Jensen can hear the tension and frustration underneath. 

The words spill out of him, without thought.

“I think I’m gonna quit…” 

Jared just looks at him, slack-jawed. There’s silence for a minute. Thankfully they’re in a quiet corner of the set while the crew resets the equipment… again. 

“What?” 

It’s said so softly, Jensen almost doesn’t hear it. 

“I think… I’m not cut out for this. I should quit. This isn’t what I should be doing.”

Jensen says it calmly, as if he’s pondering what to have for lunch. But when he looks at Jared again, he’s floored by what he sees.

Jared is crying. His eyes are full of tears, one is tracing its way down his cheek. He’s clenching his jaw, but Jensen can see the wobble. Jensen is reminded of filming ‘All Hell Breaks Loose Part II’, wiping away the stray tear that fell as Dean mourned Sam. 

It’s like the fog lifts from Jensen’s eyes. He realises what he just said. 

“Jared…” 

He reaches out to touch his friend, but Jared turns and walks away without a word. 

Jensen just watches, unable to move, as Jared goes to the crew and tells them he needs to go home. The director tries to beg Jared to stay, saying they’re already so behind schedule - a glance in Jensen’s direction at that. Jared is unmoved, though. Jensen hears him say that even if ‘he’ - meaning Jensen again, of course - can get it together, they won’t get anything usable from him today, and he’ll be back on set bright and early tomorrow to get it done. 

Shame, hot and sick, fills Jensen. What has he done… 

Jared has already left by the time Jensen gets his things together. The car that usually drives them both to and from set is waiting for him, though. Jared had said he was going to make his own way home. No one wanted to argue. 

The ride home for Jensen is smothered in thick silence. Not even a goodbye is exchanged with the driver when they pull up outside Jensen’s apartment building. 

What has he done…

What has he let himself become? 

He spends the evening drinking bourbon from the bottle and stopping himself from calling Jared. Even with the early finish, it’s still late - by normal standards - and he’s tired from the day. The bourbon speeds the process along and it’s not long before his head is hitting the pillow. 

Jensen is well into the dream before he realises this is one. It’s almost like lucid dreaming, these nightly visits with Demon Dean. But he’s never tried to control them, just takes what Demon Dean gives to him. 

Tonight, though, tonight he sees through the veil. So to speak. 

Demon Dean is above him, watching him with those blank, black eyes and that cold smile, distorted by the grimace of effort he’s putting into fucking Jensen as hard as he can. He’s got two fingers buried in Jensen’s mouth at the same time and he’s spouting the usual shit, but this time, Jensen knows it’s shit. 

“God, wish I could fuck your mouth and cunt at the same time. Both so fucking tight and pretty.” 

He thrusts deeply and Jensen groans around the fingers before spitting them out in disgust. Demon Dean doesn’t seem to notice. 

“Fuckin’ perfect here, right where you’re meant to be, getting this tight hole fucked sloppy. Just what you’re good for.” 

Jensen snaps, or breaks free. He’s not sure. 

With a roar of anger, he bucks his hips upwards, uses the momentum to shove Demon Dean over onto his back. Jensen goes with him, ends up straddling his waist, feeling Demon Dean’s hard cock resting against his ass, no longer inside him. 

With the demon beneath him, Jensen raises a fist to punch him, break his nose, his cheekbone, his jaw, anything. But those depthless black eyes and that cold fucking smirk stop him. Demon Dean would welcome the violence. Jensen is not a violent man, not unless he has to be. 

He has to be here. Has to take back control in the only way Demon Dean understands. 

He wraps his hand around the throat beneath him, squeezes just a little. Just to test. 

“You fed my demons long enough. No more.” 

The laugh that comes from below him is a little strained, a little wheezy. Jensen brings his other hand up, wraps them both around Demon Dean's neck, thumbs crossing over the Adam's apple. 

“Fed your demons? Jensen, you created mine.” 

Jensen squeezes. Hard. Tight. His arms shake with the effort. The face beneath him goes red, then purple. But the body never fights to break free. The hips under him squirm and thrust. 

Tighter. 

Harder. 

Jensen is sure something is going to pop, unsure if it will be him. 

Right as his arms are about to go limp, unable to hold the tension anymore, he feels the cock behind him twitch, kick and then shoot hot over his ass. When he looks into the face under him, the eyes appear to roll back. 

But instead they just morph to green, the same green eyes he’s seen in the mirror every day of his life. 

His hands fall from his own throat and the body under him takes a deep breath. 

Not Demon Dean anymore, only Jensen. 

Jensen wakes with a shout, his hips churning into the sheets and mattress below him, cock still spurting cum into his boxers. 

He’s soaked in sweat and when he realises what woke him - strangling Demon Dean and watching him morph back into Jensen - he feels new cold sweat break out all over him. 

Is it over? Is he free from Demon Dean’s spell? 

He needs to call Jared… 

But first, where did he put those new sheets?

[skyisepic]

“i hate basil for what he did!” why do you not hate any other character, then?

the “i hate basil for his actions” argument has always been one that confuses me. this isnt to say you cant hate him, its more the way people are so quick to target basil then immediately forgive any other character. (omori spoilers under the cut!)

every omori character has fucked up. its on different levels, sure, but none of them are perfect people. they have all hurt each other, sometimes on purpose. they all have their own reasons, but to excuse them and not basil is just unfair, especially given how similar some of their reasoning is.

if basil should be held accountable for hanging mari, then mari should be held accountable for putting so much pressure on sunny. sunny should be held accountable for killing mari and hiding that for so long. hero should be held accountable for yelling at kel when all kel was doing was trying to help. kel should be held accountable for using aubrey’s trauma against her and not letting her have peace. aubrey should be held accountable for turning against everyone, bullying basil for years, and pushing him into the lake.

“but they all had reasons! they were all traumatized!” so was basil? basil went through the same thing they all did - hell, arguably worse than what they all went through. his actions are not, and never will, be okay, but i’d honestly say that what he did, when you think about his circumstances, isn’t as bad as the others when you consider their choices.

characters like aubrey and kel had every chance to stop what they were doing and make it right. they’re almost fully grown and were choosing to do what they did. basil was twelve when he hung mari. he was a little kid who had just witnessed the murder of one of his best friends and was trying his hardest to help. he didn’t really have many other choices, did he? even his actions later on, while still not okay, can be easily explained by his trauma. he was not in a right headspace. you could make that argument for any character, so why do people choose to do that for them and not for basil?

i am not in any way trying to compare bullying to straight up hiding a murder for years, im just trying to say that basil has more of an excuse than anybody else. he was in a panicked state of mind and didnt have much time to think about what to do. he didnt have a lot of choices at the time and did what he thought was best. he didnt get to stop and think - he had to act then and there. he couldnt go back once he’d done it, too. however, a few of the other characters did have that choice. they had years to think about what they were doing and make the choice to stop, but never did. they’re capable of rational thoughts from time to time - basil was not at the time.

this isnt to excuse or blame any character’s actions. none of them are okay and they never will be, but they all had their reasoning. it just pisses me off how basil is hated so much for his shitty actions, yet everybody else is defended to hell and back…

[666writingcafe]

RIP MC's Ass

Scenario: On another night where Luke is staying with Michael in the Celestial Realm, the brothers, royals, and remaining Purgatory Hall residents decide that it's only right that they get to slap MC's ass after they slapped theirs. When approached with the proposition, MC has no choice but to accept.

Inspired by the following tags on @delphi-dreamin's reblog of my post about MC slapping everyone but Luke and the new characters' asses: who gets to slap mc's ass? hopefully they all take turns <- rip mc's ass but also hell yes

Also inspired by @leavesandflowers' reblog (which I didn't see until I had finished writing this post).

I hope you don't mind me using one of the tags as the title of this post. I just couldn't resist.

This will probably be a bit more NSFW than my first post addressing ass-slapping, so if any of you are not in the mindset for that kind of content, you are more than welcome to continue scrolling or look for something else to read. For everyone else, the actual post starts under the cut.

First up for the revenge ass-slapping is Belphie. He guides MC to the nearby dining table and positions them so that they're facing the group with their arms resting on the actual table. Then, he gets behind MC and waits a moment before delivering a solid hit on their butt. MC doesn't give him the satisfaction of making any noise, but that doesn't really matter to him. At least, that's the message MC gets when he whispers in their ear that he'll make them scream later that evening.

Asmo nearly skips his way over to MC and comments that they look like a student at the start of certain pornographic videos on DevilHub. Unfortunately for MC, any fantasy they might have had about this particular situation ends the moment his hand connects to their butt, for the hit--if you can call it that--is nothing to write home about. Let's just say that it's obvious that he's received a lot more ass-slaps than he's delivered.

"Allow me to give you a quick little lesson," Diavolo tells MC when he positions himself behind them. "While you didn't do too bad, you certainly could have gone harder. It all starts with a little build-up." He demonstrates this by hovering his hand over their butt and moving it back and forth a couple of times. "Then, while using your free hand to support the other person--" He does this by resting just below MC's chest. "--you bring your hand as far up as it will go and then bring it down with as much force as you can muster." The intensity of his hit makes MC yelp, although their feelings wouldn't be entirely hurt if they got to repeat the experience again.

To everyone's initial surprise, Mammon walks right past MC and seemingly leaves the room entirely. Just when they think that he's too scared to hit MC, Mammon casually strolls back in and greets MC by calling them babe before delivering a quick hit on their butt. "Nice ass," he remarks as he walks back to the group. If it weren't for the blush settling in on his cheeks, he would have come across as completely confident.

It takes a while for Levi to muster enough courage to slap MC's ass. You see, he has to conjure up a roleplay situation in his head that would justify him hitting them in this way. Once he gets in the proper headspace, however...oh boy. He growls to MC, "How dare you," before hitting them rather hard. Not as hard as Diavolo, but enough for the hit to sting. Who knows what scenario Levi created in his head? Certainly not MC.

"Perhaps I should go easy on you," Lucifer states when he approaches MC. "After all, you've been hit pretty hard by a couple of us already. I wouldn't want you to be too sore once this is all said and done." At this, he smirks. "Then again, this--" He brings his hand down swiftly on MC's ass with enough force for them to scoot the table forward. "--is a lot more fun."

Beel silently walks over to MC. He repositions the table back to its proper place before turning his attention to them. Going behind them, he squats down and examines their butt. He's more of an ass-eater than an ass-slapper, so the idea of doing this isn't exactly his cup of tea. However, everyone's watching him, so he has to do something before they start questioning or taunting him. Standing back up, he mumbles an apology to MC before quickly bringing his hand down.

Satan knows that everyone expects him to get revenge on MC for hitting his butt. However, he really doesn't want to. Since he has an aversion to people hitting him, he doesn't feel comfortable hitting anyone else just in case they have that same aversion, for he doesn't want them to suffer the way he has. He actually is the first one to back out of slapping MC's ass. MC tells him that he can get back at them some other way in order to help him feel better about the situation.

"You don't get a table," Solomon tells MC as he moves them to the center of the kitchen. "You made me nearly lose my balance, so I'm going to make sure you lose yours." Sure enough, as soon as his hand connects to their butt, MC stumbles forward and nearly faceplants on the floor. He walks back to the group with a big smile on his face, proud of his accomplishment.

Barbatos delivers his blow in a rather methodical, calculated kind of way. It's not enough to cause MC too much pain, but it is enough to get his point across. Just what one would expect from a demon butler who's been trained in this sort of thing as a means to entertain his young master by punishing troublemakers.

Finally, it's Simeon's turn. He walks around MC in a circle, trying to determine whether he should deliver an angel's blow or a devil's blow. One would be a playful hit, and the other would deliver some damage. He goes with the safe option (even though there's a part of him that wants to see just how hard he can hit MC's ass), leaving the group with a rather disappointed (but expected) ending to the whole ordeal.

[grey-sorcery]

Suggested Reading

Foundations of Energy Work Spell Design Conceptualization Vs. Visualization What is Witchcraft? (A massive article that contains anything you’d ever want to know when first starting out.)

Introduction

An altar is a place in your home or land that is used and dedicated to your practice and all that it entails. For some, it's a place of reverence. For others it is a place for spellwork.  But, regardless of its purpose, they all share some features. Some practitioners use pocket/travel altars. I have never used one so I cannot speak towards their effectiveness; but, if that is a concept that is alluring to you, please look into it. Regardless of their size, each type of altar will contain some of the same aspects. For some practices, an altar being a stationary place is important for correspondence and representation.  This is a post from my old blog, however I have edited the hell out of it. It used to contain some culturally protected information, and some personal biases. It also recommended Wicca for some ungodly reason. 

Uses

There are two main uses for an altar, magical and spiritual. However, that being said, there are limitless possibilities as to what an altar can be or look like. I personally have an altar that is dedicated to one of my deities. Through this altar I show my dedications via creative endeavors such as art, game creation, writing, music composition, and spell/grimoire design. There are an infinite number of possibilities for their design and application. In this post, I’m mostly going to be covering the main uses and important design concepts.

Design & Structure

The design and layout for altars can be very personal, but there tend to be some commonalities depending on the altars purpose. For some, like me, an altar has multiple uses and its layout reflects that. For some basic reference, here is an altar that is purely for spellwork. In some traditions and practices, like mine, the direction in which the altar is facing is important. Each cardinal direction has its own correspondences and associations. If that is something you care about, it can be useful to find what correspondences resonate with you the most. Some traditions have very strict correspondences for this. What is almost always present for altars like these are representations for the elements. Water, stones, feathers, candles are all used to represent their respective elements. For some, incense is used to represent both air and fire. Water is kept in a glass container, or occasionally ceramic. In a handful of traditions its kept in metal containers. I typically try to keep elemental representatives in the general direction of their corresponding cardinal directions. Idols are widely used as a point for meditation and/or the building of a headspace.

When setting up an ancestral altar there are several layout that can be used, but again there are common elements found in a lot of them. Most ancestral altars hold images of the dearly departed. Some people also hold images of the living, though this is by no means common. Some altars also contain elemental representations, depending on tradition. There is always an area for ofrendas or offerings. This area is typically front and center. Offerings can range from food and water to the burning of incense. 

Using an altar for spellwork

When using an altar to cast spells, it is very common to open the space up and sanctify it. Now, the method chosen to do this varies wildly and a lot of information on doing so is heavily biased towards Wiccan practices. If you aren't a part of tradition, I recommend just figuring that bit out on your own without references. If you aren’t a part of any traditions a good smudge can be sweetgrass or cedar wood. After the space has been sanctified and is ready to begin, most light their candles and set up any incense they may be burning. It is relatively common for witches to use electronic candles in place of real ones for valid reasons such as fire safety or dorm room regulations. This works just as well. When setting up for a spell a lot of people have a vessel to burn things in. It is important that these vessels can withstand high heat and their bases won’t heat up too much. If you use an iron cauldron, be sure to place it on glass or tile to ensure that it is safe. After burning it is often recommended that the ashes and remaining contents are buried to the west of the altar; but, this can also be aligned with your personal correspondences. When using crystals, it is important to know about their chemical properties, like if they are water soluble or toxic to handle for too long or scratch up. Be sure that your spellwork isn’t 100% reliant on visualization and correspondences.  

Using an Altar for Ancestral Work

An ancestral altar is a place for reverence, remembrance, and meditation. It is common for the space that it is kept in to be regularly cleansed as well as being cleansed before sitting at. It is recommended to smudge any offerings before they are given. Some practitioners burn money for their ancestors, but this isn’t really recommended due to the temperature of the offering. This is at least until enough experience with spiritwork has been gained. In several traditions it is unwise to give warm offerings to spirits as it excites them. I’d recommend offering refrigerated things. In some traditions, eating offerings after offering it is very frowned upon and may lead to unwelcome occurrences. It is recommended to bury offerings after they are removed. This is widely done in the west, but this can vary depending on your personal directional correspondences. 

Shrines Vs. Ancestor Altars

Shrines are a place regarded as holy because of its associations with a divine entity, sacred person, or relic. These space are purely for devotion to any given theological or spiritual being, concept, or object. While ancestral altars can also be used for these purposes, they also function as work spaces for magical purpose. This is a very important distinction. Shrines are places for prayer and reverence, where an ancestral altar is for reverence and magical practice. An altar is a tool and medium for magic, not just faith.

[scoonsalicious]

since I can't insert any images while on anon, just imagine me reading this, and in between every paragraph, groaning in disappointment and frustration and then dropping my face against the table. Or maybe just putting my phone down and yelling into my pillow for every bad decision made...which is a lot, to say the least. I'm attacking this by part so I don't miss anything but also fo expect something long hahaha

Well, Bad Decision #1 (unfortunately. I hate that's its just #1. also BRANDON. I'm not saying that name has anything to do with me but I got confused for a second because that's what I've been calling Bucket sometimes so I was like? Bucky? lol), more like Bad Dick #1 ha ha. Anyway. I honestly wasn't surprised that he turned out to be horrendous at that LMAO. I mean, he's young and arrogant and on top of that, disrespectful and disgusting. While I don't condone violence, I mean, with how he was acting, he kinda deserved that dick twist. Was it too much? Probably. I thought so at first then I realized that he's probably done this to other girls before, and most of them didn't have the training Pocket had so it probably had gone worse so that was perfectly fine by me. Also her blurting out a Bucket's name during made me wince because yikes that's always embarrassing but I wasn't surprised. She was imagining him. And ha! you got to insert the "Who the hell is Bucky?" line! I absolutely read that the same way he said it in CA:CW. iconic line. Will probably set that as my ringtone.

But Pocket's last line about feeling disgusted but empowered at the same time and then wondering if that's how Banjo felt, left a little sour taste in my mouth. I mean, I'm no mathematician but 2 wrongs ain't gonna make 1 right. And I can already tell that was a power trip for her where she feels like she's finally in control of her sexuality for once and that she's not the one being used and hurting this time. That can only mean she's going to crave it some more, which, I mean, in the next part it was stated that it had become a routine at this point. The problem is, she's never going to be satisfied. No matter if they look like Bryce, they're never going to be him on so many levels. One: his dick game is supersoldier strong in both skill and size. Two: he took the time to know Pocket and her body pretty well and how to satisfy her needs. Three: well, she loves him. I'd argue sex with someone you love will always feel better than just casual sex (maybe I'm just a sap but anyway) you can't really get all of the above with random strangers. So now, she's always going to crave that power with no real satisfaction in the end.

Now, Sam...he's trying so hard to get through to her and he did make some great points. They are on a mission, there are lives at risk here so it's not only herself she's putting in danger. So her going out randomly and drinking without any communication is so reckless, and dare I say, selfish because who knows what could've happened to her. But she's so far gone now, unfortunately :( She definitely wasn't ready for this mission and she absolutely wasn't in the right headspace for it no matter how much she said she could handle it. I truly did think if Tony knew what happened to her in full, he never would've offered this in the first place. I mean, Bojack tried to stop her and I kinda saw how it was out of concern for her well-being, but, he did come off a little jealous and possessive on top of what he's done so, so that canceled his opinion. Still, I wish someone would've stopped it, but then again, if someone did, we wouldn't have this story haha. Now, the two of them being the ones to look into Hydra again though, I don't know how I feel about it. But then again, they are the ones who know Hydra the most. Still, I don't trust Jeremiah. I still do think she's a spy.

Now with what happened in that room. It's so hard to see all these innocent girls who are just trying to get by on life be taken advantage of. Obviously Pocket meant well, but she did come off as a little all-knowing when she scolded Chloe. Pocket was right of course, an 18-year-old shouldn't be there at all. But she went about it wrong. I also can't blame her because she probably felt so panicked and scared for her and these girls. But now, Pocket taking two lines right off the bat I just...that's one way to hit rock bottom running I supposed. She did it to spare one girl which is great but, at what cost? I could argue that now she's put herself in a vulnerable position where she wouldn't be able to help any of them. It was a good solution at the moment but in the long run? I mean, she couldn't even remember much of what happened while she was intoxicated, so she didn't even really get much information. I mean she said it herself, she's probably jeopardized the mission. But now, she's feeling free from all the pain and anger and hurt, so what happens after that? She'll crave that moment of peace even more. That's how she relapses. She thinks the drugs are going to be a great escape and that could only end so so badly.

I have a feeling where's still on our ride down this hole and we haven't exactly reached rock bottom yet. And I could nothing but watch and be in it for the ride. Amazing as always! Super grateful for you and for giving us three parts today. Sending you love always!

— Jnon 🤍

Dearest Jnon, Do we share a brain from opposite sides of the world?

I shall address your points by point. I'm sorry I named him Brandon-- I should have avoided a 'B' name, but when I wrote it, I had NO IDEA your beautiful trend would have taken such hold, lol. I just chose one of the most generic, boring names I could think of, lol. And it helped her fantasy that his name starts with a 'B,' too. She thinks she's trying to fuck the memory of Bucky out of her, but the truth is, she misses him; she wants it to be him, to go back to a time and place before he hurt her. She's searching for something to make her feel the way he made her feel (I'll come back to this).

I definitely don't condone The Dick Twist. I think it points to just how off the rails she is at the moment, and I wrote it as her having a trauma response to when he grabbed her. Like, she's only concerned about herself right now, and protecting her wellbeing, both physically and emotionally, and at a kind of throw-back moment where she's being manhandled against her will, she experiences a bit of PTSD. Hence, The Dick Twist (TM). One of the things I wanted to make sure I did with Pocket was ensure she wasn't a "perfect" reader insert. I wanted her to be a full fledged, rounded character all on her own, which means making bad choices and doing questionable things. I don't necessarily think Brandon is some kind of sexual predator who does this kind of thing often; I think he was enticed by the idea of guaranteed sex from a hot, older chick, and then got pissed when he realized he was just being used as a substitute for someone else, and he wasn't going to get anything out of it. He reacted the way I'd expect an immature, selfish college boy would react (how I've seen them react, unfortunately). And yes! Absolute intentional throwback to CA:TWS! It's, without a doubt, my favorite line of dialog in the entire story, lol.

She absolutely SHOULD NOT have gone on this mission, you're right. And if Tony had known the extent of her pain, he never would have sent her. If he knew what she was doing, he'd blame himself, profusely. But, her pride, and her false sense of being over her trauma, kept her from telling the one person she trusts implicitly.

Going to her last line, about feeling disgusted with herself and yet empowered, I definitely didn't make this clear enough, but it has less to do with Bucky than it does with the men who abused her throughout her childhood. She's lumped Bucky in with them at this point (because of him denying her consent after he slept with Jade), and she views her actions against Brandon as taking a kind of revenge on every man who hurt her, not just Bucky (I'm sticking with his actual name so as not to cause confusion with actual Brandon, lol). That's why she feels empowered, but she knows it was wrong, which is why she's disgusted. If that wasn't clear, that's my failure as a writer, and for that I'm sorry. Yes, it was definitely a power trip, feeling in control. She barely mentions it in one of the earliest chapters, but she was fairly promiscuous once she escaped her parents, in a way to reclaim sex for herself (and not panic every time she had it), and she's repeating that behavior here. She's reclaiming it after the way she feels Bucky violated her. It's something she's going to keep doing, but without the violence. We're actually not going to see any more of her "conquests," fortunately, but she keeps searching for someone to make her feel the way Bucky made her feel.

So, coming back to that: It's not going to happen for her, exactly for all the reasons you mentioned. The biggest is #3: She loves him. No amount of strange dick is going to compare to that. Like, they weren't just lovers, they were best friends. Her feelings for him are deep. She thinks that, because she was able to basically fuck herself out of her trauma in the past, she can do it again, but it's an entirely new kind of trauma, with such a powerful emotional component, and it's not going to work for her this time.

Her behavior is extremely selfish, definitely, and it's absolutely going to affect the mission, starting with what happened in that room. With Chloe, Pocket saw herself (and I'll spoil a little something-- Chloe isn't 18), and she panicked, wanting to protect this girl from falling into her old life, but it came out condescending, especially without Chloe knowing anything about Pocket's history. It just made Pocket seem cruel, but it was coming from a place of fear.

I confess, writing this chapter was so fucking depressing for me, I wanted it over with as soon as possible, so I did kind of go for making her hit rock bottom right away. I didn't want to keep her in this space for a second longer than I had to. She definitely put herself in a vulnerable position (as the next part will show) and put the entire mission (and something else) in jeopardy due to her actions, and she'll carry that with her for the rest of the fic.

The spiral-down will continue, but I honestly don't detail it. Like I said, it was hurting my heart, so I felt it was enough to show her get there, then just kind of describe how it continues for a bit. I want the best for our girl, and I hated putting her in this position. But she's tough. It sucks, but she needs to go through this so she can actually process the trauma of her childhood. She thought she had, but until now, she's just repressed it.

Thank you, as always, for your insightful thoughts and theories. I love reading your take things! I love you!

[anti-endo-haven]

[hey you probably know who this is ;,) feel free to not reply as an ask on your blog or talk in dms or whatever you prefer if you aren't comfortable with the topic, sorry we just. don't know where to go. you don't even have to reply we just. need to speak to someone]

TWs: System doubt, system invalidation Christianity, demons, & cult mentions.

Oh. oh. oh. oh. oh no.

sorry if our wording is jagged or doesn't make sense

despite having some minor religious trauma, we're collectively christian and have a lot of religious imagery headmates, both angels and demons, some in-between etc, sometimes we go to church. but we feel like the black sheep because stereotypical christians feel so judgemental and stuff but we're trying to be good about it because some of our friends and people we know are very kind and patient [we admitted we dated same sex a few years ago and they weren't "YOURE GOING TO HELL" etc but it was still a little awkward].

but. but. that's not the current issue. oh no. nonono. we just saw a short video how a man said he was he/they and multiple people because "we are legion." which is. demon bible stuff. legion is a demon of 6,000 or something i don't know the details. and then afterwards opening tumblr. what do we get greeted with? yes. a fuckinf post saying "Demons refer to themselves as they/them/we/us."

fuck! fuck!!!! we don't have a great relationship with christianity but now parts of our system are like "please don't let me be possessed" and others are "we're christian we can't be??" and others "we have angelic alters how would we be demonic?"

fucking. hhh.. tried to find. a DID christianity blog to vent to and ask for advice how do system christians work together?? because Google doesn't help and stuff?? instead!! great!! a rant about how christianity is a cult.

now i feel like our headspace is in a panic. our religion is invalid. we're not a real system, we're possessed. we don't know what to do or think. why can't we just be normal. why can't we just be a singlet. why do we have to be so ashamed of ourselves to the point of convincing ourselves that we're faking. now some of us are genuinely thinking we're in a fucking cult.

i want to cry so badly how do i calm us down how do i fix this why can't we ever EVER find reliable sources about DID and christianity as one? apparently they can't fucking coexist if its all like this!! hhhhhhggf...

im sorry shining if anything here offends or upsets you or if you don't know how to reply its okay [/gen] we're just. lost. very very. lost.

Okay, so, as someone that does have Christian parts even past religious trauma, you’re not possessed and you’re not faking.

It’s okay to have both angelic, demonic, and in-between alters. It’s not something anyone can harm you over, it’s perfectly okay.

You can still be Christian and be a good person. It’s not unheard of, just rare in some parts of the world or specific countries. It doesn’t mean you’re automatically bad or a black sheep. You’re not the wolf amongst the crowd. We view it as the Christians that are there for everyone are shepherds tending to their flock and protecting a family they enjoy and care for, they’re the ones that someone can go to and have support they need even without religious contexts.

The whole “we are Legion” thing strikes me as fearmongering, as well as “demons use they/them.” And it honestly depends on what you’re talking about. For us, typical “demons” are just trickster spirits or the ones that just want to do things out of boredom. Genuine “demons” are people that do genuinely horrible things.

This is an extremely hot take, especially from me, but just because a religious thing has something that can be cultish around it doesn’t make it a cult. Yes, there can be a cult disguised as that religious thing and can/will cause religious trauma, but that doesn’t make the entire religion bad (which is what we’ve learned to better heal to support friends/family that are Christian rather than just cutting them out entirely). Not every Christian person is going to be related to the disguised issues underneath. It can be hard to see that or understand and a lot of people might find it hard, but it’s also okay to just not interact with the religion but don’t bash it. Also just because people relate the religion to a cult doesn’t mean you were in one, it’s okay to be afraid of it, but don’t harm yourself by thinking that way.

The only thing I can really say is trying to take a break from social media for a little until everything is settled, this is optional. Write down all the reasons you know you aren’t fake. You’re not faking. You’re not possessed, write some positive things down about you and your alters.

It’s perfectly okay to be Christian and have DID/OSDD. A religion doesn’t define you. You’re good enough and you’ll have a place here as well as in DMs. You’re loved.

I’m a little slow on guessing people on anon, but you’ll always stay anon no matter what (even if you DM me). I don’t entirely like assuming who someone is either :)

I’m posting this as an ask for any other Christian DID/OSDD people that also want to have some reassurances regarding things like this.

You’ll always have a spot here, my friend.

[ifwebefriends]

My Child Lebensborn review/thoughts/rambles

So the other day, I played a game called My Child Lebensborn and I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about it. It’s kinda intense with its themes and story (TW below) so if you’re in a good headspace right now, I really think that you should play it or watch a let’s play on YouTube. It’s like 4-5 hours long. The game is on most consoles as well as android and iOS. It costs $3 and a part of that goes to the Children Born of War Project so while I’m usually pro-piracy, this is one game that I really think you should not pirate. I played the iOS version which you can download here.

The game is described as a “dark tamagotchi” where you play a struggling single parent in 1951-1952 Norway and care for your young adoptive child (either the male Klaus or female Karin, you choose). Klaus/Karin is a “Lebensborn,” an Aryan child born out of wedlock of a German soldier and a Norwegian woman during the occupation of Norway in WWII. You have to balance caring for the child both mentally and physically, work, investigating the child’s origins, and keeping up with local news. A lot happens to the child over the course of the game that you can’t do anything to prevent, you can only impact how the child sees the situation and how they may react to it. It’s a really good and educational game about an aspect of war that I wasn’t really familiar with until now and while it’s not really the most “fun,” it’s a very fulfilling and engaging experience.

The story is basically entirely told through text and mostly happens to the child outside of the home so most of the disturbing stuff happens off-screen but it’s still heavily referred to and feels like a punch to the gut.

If you have a hard stomach and think you can handle it, stop reading this post now and go play it as I’m about to give trigger warnings that could spoil the game and then go into my personal thoughts about it.

Trigger warning for: references to war, bullying, assault, poverty, abandonment, references to Nazism, attempted murder, being forcibly tied up, being urinated on, ethnic discrimination, cruel family members, cruel teachers, and child sexual assault.

Direct Spoilers below

So I don’t think I ever want kids IRL but the way that Karin had MY WHOLE HEART and I wanted to be the best parent ever for her 🥺 like that is my DAUGHTER and you WILL NOT TOUCH HER

Karin baby you deserved so much better I’m sorry I could only do so much for you 🥺🥺🥺

AHHH I DIDN’T BUY THE FOX TOY IN TIME IT WAS GONE BEFORE I HAD THE MONEY FOR IT FUCK

I wish I had chewed out the grandparents more during that visit with them fuck them

The bullying was so fucking cruel like what the hell that’s a child who didn’t ask to be born under these circumstances have some compassion!!!!!!

The way that I clocked almost IMMEDIATELY that Karin was sexually assaulted since she didn’t want to be touched (I don’t know where I learned the warning signs but I did)

I wish there was an option to fucking murder Mr. Solheim

I choose to believe that Karin and the parent ended up somewhere good where people were more tolerant, I have to believe that

I chose to investigate the parents as much as possible, be as honest with Karin as I could, and tried to keep some hope and cautious optimism alive in Karin while still being sensitive to her feelings and not forcing her when she didn’t feel like doing something and I was very satisfied with how things turned out, she trusted me fully by the end

I wish that Karin was more trusting of others by the end but I don’t know how much control I had over that

Here are my chapter complete endcards to further describe the choices I made:

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