#its free and the government can’t stop you

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Fun fact! There is nothing stopping you from posting the entirety of Shakespeare plays on Tumblr.com!

Exhibit 1 — The Comedy of Errors:

ACT 1

Scene 1

Enter ⌜Solinus⌝ the Duke of Ephesus, with ⌜Egeon⌝ the Merchant of Syracuse, Jailer, and other Attendants.

EGEON   Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fall,  And by the doom of death end woes and all. DUKE   Merchant of Syracusa, plead no more.  I am not partial to infringe our laws. 5 The enmity and discord which of late  Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your duke  To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen,  Who, wanting guilders to redeem their lives,  Have sealed his rigorous statutes with their bloods, 10 Excludes all pity from our threat’ning looks.  For since the mortal and intestine jars  ’Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us,  It hath in solemn synods been decreed,  Both by the Syracusians and ourselves, 15 To admit no traffic to our adverse towns.  Nay, more, if any born at Ephesus  Be seen at Syracusian marts and fairs;  Again, if any Syracusian born  Come to the bay of Ephesus, he dies, 20 His goods confiscate to the Duke’s dispose,

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 Unless a thousand marks be levièd  To quit the penalty and to ransom him.  Thy substance, valued at the highest rate,  Cannot amount unto a hundred marks; 25 Therefore by law thou art condemned to die. EGEON   Yet this my comfort: when your words are done,  My woes end likewise with the evening sun. DUKE   Well, Syracusian, say in brief the cause  Why thou departedst from thy native home 30 And for what cause thou cam’st to Ephesus. EGEON   A heavier task could not have been imposed  Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable;  Yet, that the world may witness that my end  Was wrought by nature, not by vile offense, 35 I’ll utter what my sorrow gives me leave.  In Syracusa was I born, and wed  Unto a woman happy but for me,  And by me, had not our hap been bad.  With her I lived in joy. Our wealth increased 40 By prosperous voyages I often made  To Epidamium, till my factor’s death  And ⌜the⌝ great care of goods at random left  Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse;  From whom my absence was not six months old 45 Before herself—almost at fainting under  The pleasing punishment that women bear—  Had made provision for her following me  And soon and safe arrivèd where I was.  There had she not been long but she became 50 A joyful mother of two goodly sons,  And, which was strange, the one so like the other  As could not be distinguished but by names.

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 That very hour, and in the selfsame inn,  A mean woman was deliverèd 55 Of such a burden, male twins, both alike.  Those, for their parents were exceeding poor,  I bought and brought up to attend my sons.  My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys,  Made daily motions for our home return. 60 Unwilling, I agreed. Alas, too soon  We came aboard.  A league from Epidamium had we sailed  Before the always-wind-obeying deep  Gave any tragic instance of our harm; 65 But longer did we not retain much hope,  For what obscurèd light the heavens did grant  Did but convey unto our fearful minds  A doubtful warrant of immediate death,  Which though myself would gladly have embraced, 70 Yet the incessant weepings of my wife,  Weeping before for what she saw must come,  And piteous plainings of the pretty babes,  That mourned for fashion, ignorant what to fear,  Forced me to seek delays for them and me. 75 And this it was, for other means was none:  The sailors sought for safety by our boat  And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us.  My wife, more careful for the latter-born,  Had fastened him unto a small spare mast, 80 Such as seafaring men provide for storms.  To him one of the other twins was bound,  Whilst I had been like heedful of the other.  The children thus disposed, my wife and I,  Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fixed, 85 Fastened ourselves at either end the mast  And, floating straight, obedient to the stream,  Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought.

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 At length the sun, gazing upon the earth,  Dispersed those vapors that offended us, 90 And by the benefit of his wished light  The seas waxed calm, and we discoverèd  Two ships from far, making amain to us,  Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this.  But ere they came—O, let me say no more! 95 Gather the sequel by that went before. DUKE   Nay, forward, old man. Do not break off so,  For we may pity though not pardon thee. EGEON   O, had the gods done so, I had not now  Worthily termed them merciless to us. 100 For, ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues,  We were encountered by a mighty rock,  Which being violently borne ⌜upon,⌝  Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst;  So that, in this unjust divorce of us, 105 Fortune had left to both of us alike  What to delight in, what to sorrow for.  Her part, poor soul, seeming as burdenèd  With lesser weight, but not with lesser woe,  Was carried with more speed before the wind, 110 And in our sight they three were taken up  By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought.  At length, another ship had seized on us  And, knowing whom it was their hap to save,  Gave healthful welcome to their shipwracked guests, 115 And would have reft the fishers of their prey  Had not their ⌜bark⌝ been very slow of sail;  And therefore homeward did they bend their course.  Thus have you heard me severed from my bliss,  That by misfortunes was my life prolonged 120 To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.

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DUKE   And for the sake of them thou sorrowest for,  Do me the favor to dilate at full  What have befall’n of them and ⌜thee⌝ till now. EGEON   My youngest boy, and yet my eldest care, 125 At eighteen years became inquisitive  After his brother, and importuned me  That his attendant—so his case was like,  Reft of his brother, but retained his name—  Might bear him company in the quest of him, 130 Whom whilst I labored of a love to see,  I hazarded the loss of whom I loved.  Five summers have I spent in farthest Greece,  Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia,  And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus, 135 Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought  Or that or any place that harbors men.  But here must end the story of my life;  And happy were I in my timely death  Could all my travels warrant me they live. DUKE  140 Hapless Egeon, whom the fates have marked  To bear the extremity of dire mishap,  Now, trust me, were it not against our laws,  Against my crown, my oath, my dignity,  Which princes, would they, may not disannul, 145 My soul should sue as advocate for thee.  But though thou art adjudgèd to the death,  And passèd sentence may not be recalled  But to our honor’s great disparagement,  Yet will I favor thee in what I can. 150 Therefore, merchant, I’ll limit thee this day  To seek thy ⌜life⌝ by beneficial help.  Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus;  Beg thou, or borrow, to make up the sum,

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 And live. If no, then thou art doomed to die.— 155 Jailer, take him to thy custody. JAILER  I will, my lord. EGEON   Hopeless and helpless doth Egeon wend,  But to procrastinate his lifeless end. They exit.

⌜Scene 2⌝

Enter Antipholus ⌜of Syracuse, First⌝ Merchant, and Dromio ⌜of Syracuse.⌝

⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT   Therefore give out you are of Epidamium,  Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.  This very day a Syracusian merchant  Is apprehended for arrival here 5 And, not being able to buy out his life,  According to the statute of the town  Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.  There is your money that I had to keep. ⌜He gives money.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, handing money to Dromio⌝   Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host, 10 And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.  Within this hour it will be dinnertime.  Till that, I’ll view the manners of the town,  Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,  And then return and sleep within mine inn, 15 For with long travel I am stiff and weary.  Get thee away. DROMIO ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Many a man would take you at your word  And go indeed, having so good a mean. Dromio ⌜of Syracuse⌝ exits.

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ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   A trusty villain, sir, that very oft, 20 When I am dull with care and melancholy,  Lightens my humor with his merry jests.  What, will you walk with me about the town  And then go to my inn and dine with me? ⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT   I am invited, sir, to certain merchants, 25 Of whom I hope to make much benefit.  I crave your pardon. Soon at five o’clock,  Please you, I’ll meet with you upon the mart  And afterward consort you till bedtime.  My present business calls me from you now. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  30 Farewell till then. I will go lose myself  And wander up and down to view the city. ⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT   Sir, I commend you to your own content.⌜He exits.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   He that commends me to mine own content  Commends me to the thing I cannot get. 35 I to the world am like a drop of water  That in the ocean seeks another drop,  Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,  Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself.  So I, to find a mother and a brother, 40 In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.

Enter Dromio of Ephesus.

 Here comes the almanac of my true date.—  What now? How chance thou art returned so soon? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Returned so soon? Rather approached too late!  The capon burns; the pig falls from the spit; 45 The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;  My mistress made it one upon my cheek.

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 She is so hot because the meat is cold;  The meat is cold because you come not home;  You come not home because you have no stomach; 50 You have no stomach, having broke your fast.  But we that know what ’tis to fast and pray  Are penitent for your default today. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Stop in your wind, sir. Tell me this, I pray:  Where have you left the money that I gave you? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  55 O, sixpence that I had o’ Wednesday last  To pay the saddler for my mistress’ crupper?  The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   I am not in a sportive humor now.  Tell me, and dally not: where is the money? 60 We being strangers here, how dar’st thou trust  So great a charge from thine own custody? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   I pray you, jest, sir, as you sit at dinner.  I from my mistress come to you in post;  If I return, I shall be post indeed, 65 For she will scour your fault upon my pate.  Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your  ⌜clock,⌝  And strike you home without a messenger. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season. 70 Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.  Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   To me, sir? Why, you gave no gold to me! ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,  And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS  75 My charge was but to fetch you from the mart  Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner.  My mistress and her sister stays for you. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Now, as I am a Christian, answer me  In what safe place you have bestowed my money, 80 Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours  That stands on tricks when I am undisposed.  Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   I have some marks of yours upon my pate,  Some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders, 85 But not a thousand marks between you both.  If I should pay your Worship those again,  Perchance you will not bear them patiently. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Thy mistress’ marks? What mistress, slave, hast  thou? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  90 Your Worship’s wife, my mistress at the Phoenix,  She that doth fast till you come home to dinner  And prays that you will hie you home to dinner. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, beating Dromio⌝   What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,  Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  95 What mean you, sir? For God’s sake, hold your  hands.  Nay, an you will not, sir, I’ll take my heels. Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus exits. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Upon my life, by some device or other  The villain is ⌜o’erraught⌝ of all my money. 100 They say this town is full of cozenage,  As nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,

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 Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,  Soul-killing witches that deform the body,  Disguisèd cheaters, prating mountebanks, 105 And many suchlike liberties of sin.  If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.  I’ll to the Centaur to go seek this slave.  I greatly fear my money is not safe. He exits.

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ACT 2

⌜Scene 1⌝

Enter Adriana, wife to Antipholus ⌜of Ephesus,⌝ with Luciana, her sister.

ADRIANA   Neither my husband nor the slave returned  That in such haste I sent to seek his master?  Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock. LUCIANA   Perhaps some merchant hath invited him, 5 And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner.  Good sister, let us dine, and never fret.  A man is master of his liberty;  Time is their master, and when they see time  They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister. ADRIANA  10 Why should their liberty than ours be more? LUCIANA   Because their business still lies out o’ door. ADRIANA   Look when I serve him so, he takes it ⌜ill.⌝ LUCIANA   O, know he is the bridle of your will. ADRIANA   There’s none but asses will be bridled so. LUCIANA  15 Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe.

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 There’s nothing situate under heaven’s eye  But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in sky.  The beasts, the fishes, and the wingèd fowls  Are their males’ subjects and at their controls. 20 Man, more divine, the master of all these,  Lord of the wide world and wild wat’ry seas,  Endued with intellectual sense and souls,  Of more preeminence than fish and fowls,  Are masters to their females, and their lords. 25 Then let your will attend on their accords. ADRIANA   This servitude makes you to keep unwed. LUCIANA   Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed. ADRIANA   But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway. LUCIANA   Ere I learn love, I’ll practice to obey. ADRIANA  30 How if your husband start some otherwhere? LUCIANA   Till he come home again, I would forbear. ADRIANA   Patience unmoved! No marvel though she pause;  They can be meek that have no other cause.  A wretched soul bruised with adversity 35 We bid be quiet when we hear it cry,  But were we burdened with like weight of pain,  As much or more we should ourselves complain.  So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,  With urging helpless patience would relieve me; 40 But if thou live to see like right bereft,  This fool-begged patience in thee will be left. LUCIANA   Well, I will marry one day, but to try.  Here comes your man. Now is your husband nigh.

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Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus.

ADRIANA   Say, is your tardy master now at hand? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  45Nay, he’s at two hands with me,  and that my two ears can witness. ADRIANA   Say, didst thou speak with him? Know’st thou his  mind? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear. 50 Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it. LUCIANA  Spake he so doubtfully thou couldst not feel  his meaning? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Nay, he struck so plainly I could  too well feel his blows, and withal so doubtfully 55 that I could scarce understand them. ADRIANA   But say, I prithee, is he coming home?  It seems he hath great care to please his wife. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Why, mistress, sure my master is horn mad. ADRIANA   Horn mad, thou villain? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  60 I mean not cuckold mad,  But sure he is stark mad.  When I desired him to come home to dinner,  He asked me for a ⌜thousand⌝ marks in gold.  “’Tis dinnertime,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he. 65 “Your meat doth burn,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth  he.  “Will you come?” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.  “Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?”  “The pig,” quoth I, “is burned.” “My gold,” quoth 70 he.

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 “My mistress, sir,” quoth I. “Hang up thy mistress!  I know not thy mistress. Out on thy mistress!” LUCIANA  Quoth who? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Quoth my master. 75 “I know,” quoth he, “no house, no wife, no  mistress.”  So that my errand, due unto my tongue,  I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders,  For, in conclusion, he did beat me there. ADRIANA  80 Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Go back again and be new beaten home?  For God’s sake, send some other messenger. ADRIANA   Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   And he will bless that cross with other beating. 85 Between you, I shall have a holy head. ADRIANA   Hence, prating peasant. Fetch thy master home. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Am I so round with you as you with me,  That like a football you do spurn me thus?  You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither. 90 If I last in this service, you must case me in leather. ⌜He exits.⌝ LUCIANA   Fie, how impatience loureth in your face. ADRIANA   His company must do his minions grace,  Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.  Hath homely age th’ alluring beauty took 95 From my poor cheek? Then he hath wasted it.  Are my discourses dull? Barren my wit?  If voluble and sharp discourse be marred,

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 Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard.  Do their gay vestments his affections bait? 100 That’s not my fault; he’s master of my state.  What ruins are in me that can be found  By him not ruined? Then is he the ground  Of my defeatures. My decayèd fair  A sunny look of his would soon repair. 105 But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale  And feeds from home. Poor I am but his stale. LUCIANA   Self-harming jealousy, fie, beat it hence. ADRIANA   Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.  I know his eye doth homage otherwhere, 110 Or else what lets it but he would be here?  Sister, you know he promised me a chain.  Would that alone o’ love he would detain,  So he would keep fair quarter with his bed.  I see the jewel best enamelèd 115 Will lose his beauty. Yet the gold bides still  That others touch, and often touching will  ⌜Wear⌝ gold; ⌜yet⌝ no man that hath a name  By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.  Since that my beauty cannot please his eye, 120 I’ll weep what’s left away, and weeping die. LUCIANA   How many fond fools serve mad jealousy! ⌜They⌝ exit.

⌜Scene 2⌝

Enter Antipholus ⌜of Syracuse.⌝

ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up  Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave

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 Is wandered forth in care to seek me out.  By computation and mine host’s report, 5 I could not speak with Dromio since at first  I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.

 How now, sir? Is your merry humor altered?  As you love strokes, so jest with me again.  You know no Centaur? You received no gold? 10 Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?  My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad,  That thus so madly thou didst answer me? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   What answer, sir? When spake I such a word? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Even now, even here, not half an hour since. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  15 I did not see you since you sent me hence,  Home to the Centaur with the gold you gave me. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Villain, thou didst deny the gold’s receipt  And told’st me of a mistress and a dinner,  For which I hope thou felt’st I was displeased. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  20 I am glad to see you in this merry vein.  What means this jest, I pray you, master, tell me? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?  Think’st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that and that. Beats Dromio. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Hold, sir, for God’s sake! Now your jest is earnest. 25 Upon what bargain do you give it me? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Because that I familiarly sometimes  Do use you for my fool and chat with you,

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 Your sauciness will jest upon my love  And make a common of my serious hours. 30 When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport,  But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.  If you will jest with me, know my aspect,  And fashion your demeanor to my looks,  Or I will beat this method in your sconce. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  35“Sconce” call you it? So you  would leave battering, I had rather have it a  “head.” An you use these blows long, I must get a  sconce for my head and ensconce it too, or else I  shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But I pray, sir, 40 why am I beaten? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Dost thou not know? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Nothing, sir, but that I am  beaten. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Shall I tell you why? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  45Ay, sir, and wherefore, for they  say every why hath a wherefore. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  “Why” first: for flouting  me; and then “wherefore”: for urging it the second  time to me. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  50 Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season,  When in the “why” and the “wherefore” is neither  rhyme nor reason?  Well, sir, I thank you. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Thank me, sir, for what? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  55Marry, sir, for this something  that you gave me for nothing. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  I’ll make you amends next,  to give you nothing for something. But say, sir, is it  dinnertime? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  60No, sir, I think the meat wants  that I have.

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ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  In good time, sir, what’s  that? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Basting. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  65Well, sir, then ’twill be dry. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of  it. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Your reason? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Lest it make you choleric and 70 purchase me another dry basting. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Well, sir, learn to jest in  good time. There’s a time for all things. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  I durst have denied that before  you were so choleric. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  75By what rule, sir? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as  the plain bald pate of Father Time himself. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Let’s hear it. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  There’s no time for a man to 80 recover his hair that grows bald by nature. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  May he not do it by fine and  recovery? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig,  and recover the lost hair of another man. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  85Why is Time such a niggard  of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Because it is a blessing that he  bestows on beasts, and what he hath scanted ⌜men⌝  in hair, he hath given them in wit. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  90Why, but there’s many a  man hath more hair than wit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Not a man of those but he hath  the wit to lose his hair. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Why, thou didst conclude 95 hairy men plain dealers without wit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  The plainer dealer, the sooner  lost. Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity.

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ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  For what reason? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  For two, and sound ones too. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  100Nay, not sound, I pray you. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Sure ones, then. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Nay, not sure, in a thing  falsing. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Certain ones, then. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  105Name them. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  The one, to save the money that  he spends in ⌜tiring;⌝ the other, that at dinner they  should not drop in his porridge. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  You would all this time 110 have proved there is no time for all things. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Marry, and did, sir: namely, e’en  no time to recover hair lost by nature. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  But your reason was not  substantial why there is no time to recover. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  115Thus I mend it: Time himself is  bald and therefore, to the world’s end, will have  bald followers. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  I knew ’twould be a bald  conclusion. But soft, who wafts us yonder?

Enter Adriana, ⌜beckoning them,⌝ and Luciana.

ADRIANA  120 Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown.  Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects.  I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.  The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow  That never words were music to thine ear, 125 That never object pleasing in thine eye,  That never touch well welcome to thy hand,  That never meat sweet-savored in thy taste,  Unless I spake, or looked, or touched, or carved to  thee. 130 How comes it now, my husband, O, how comes it

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 That thou art then estrangèd from thyself?  “Thyself” I call it, being strange to me,  That, undividable, incorporate,  Am better than thy dear self’s better part. 135 Ah, do not tear away thyself from me!  For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall  A drop of water in the breaking gulf,  And take unmingled thence that drop again  Without addition or diminishing, 140 As take from me thyself and not me too.  How dearly would it touch thee to the quick,  Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious  And that this body, consecrate to thee,  By ruffian lust should be contaminate! 145 Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me,  And hurl the name of husband in my face,  And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow,  And from my false hand cut the wedding ring,  And break it with a deep-divorcing vow? 150 I know thou canst, and therefore see thou do it.  I am possessed with an adulterate blot;  My blood is mingled with the crime of lust;  For if we two be one, and thou play false,  I do digest the poison of thy flesh, 155 Being strumpeted by thy contagion.  Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed,  I live distained, thou undishonorèd. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not.  In Ephesus I am but two hours old, 160 As strange unto your town as to your talk,  Who, every word by all my wit being scanned,  Wants wit in all one word to understand. LUCIANA   Fie, brother, how the world is changed with you!

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 When were you wont to use my sister thus? 165 She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  By Dromio? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  By me? ADRIANA   By thee; and this thou didst return from him:  That he did buffet thee and, in his blows, 170 Denied my house for his, me for his wife. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?  What is the course and drift of your compact? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   I, sir? I never saw her till this time. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Villain, thou liest, for even her very words 175 Didst thou deliver to me on the mart. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   I never spake with her in all my life. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   How can she thus then call us by our names—  Unless it be by inspiration? ADRIANA   How ill agrees it with your gravity 180 To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,  Abetting him to thwart me in my mood.  Be it my wrong you are from me exempt,  But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.  Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine. ⌜She takes his arm.⌝ 185 Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine,  Whose weakness, married to thy ⌜stronger⌝ state,  Makes me with thy strength to communicate.  If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,  Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss, 190 Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion  Infect thy sap and live on thy confusion.

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ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, aside⌝   To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme.  What, was I married to her in my dream?  Or sleep I now and think I hear all this? 195 What error drives our eyes and ears amiss?  Until I know this sure uncertainty  I’ll entertain the ⌜offered⌝ fallacy. LUCIANA   Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner. ⌜He crosses himself.⌝ 200 This is the fairy land. O spite of spites!  We talk with goblins, owls, and sprites.  If we obey them not, this will ensue:  They’ll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue. LUCIANA   Why prat’st thou to thyself and answer’st not? 205 Dromio—thou, Dromio—thou snail, thou slug,  thou sot. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   I am transformèd, master, am I not? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   I think thou art in mind, and so am I. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  210 Thou hast thine own form. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   No, I am an ape. LUCIANA   If thou art changed to aught, ’tis to an ass. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   ’Tis true. She rides me, and I long for grass.  ’Tis so. I am an ass; else it could never be 215 But I should know her as well as she knows me.

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ADRIANA   Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,  To put the finger in the eye and weep  Whilst man and master laughs my woes to scorn.  Come, sir, to dinner.—Dromio, keep the gate.— 220 Husband, I’ll dine above with you today,  And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.  ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,  Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.—  Come, sister.—Dromio, play the porter well. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, aside⌝  225 Am I in Earth, in heaven, or in hell?  Sleeping or waking, mad or well-advised?  Known unto these, and to myself disguised!  I’ll say as they say, and persever so,  And in this mist at all adventures go. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  230 Master, shall I be porter at the gate? ADRIANA   Ay, and let none enter, lest I break your pate. LUCIANA   Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late. ⌜They exit.⌝

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ACT 3

Scene 1

Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio, Angelo the goldsmith, and Balthasar the merchant.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;  My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours.  Say that I lingered with you at your shop  To see the making of her carcanet, 5 And that tomorrow you will bring it home.  But here’s a villain that would face me down  He met me on the mart, and that I beat him  And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,  And that I did deny my wife and house.— 10 Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know.  That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to  show;  If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave 15 were ink,  Your own handwriting would tell you what I think. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I think thou art an ass. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Marry, so it doth appear  By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.

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20 I should kick being kicked and, being at that pass,  You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   You’re sad, Signior Balthasar. Pray God our cheer  May answer my goodwill and your good welcome  here. BALTHASAR  25 I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome  dear. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   O Signior Balthasar, either at flesh or fish  A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty  dish. BALTHASAR  30 Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but  words. BALTHASAR   Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry  feast. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  35 Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest.  But though my cates be mean, take them in good  part.  Better cheer may you have, but not with better  heart.⌜He attempts to open the door.⌝ 40 But soft! My door is locked. ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Go, bid  them let us in. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Maud, Bridget, Marian, Ciceley, Gillian, Ginn! DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝   Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch!  Either get thee from the door or sit down at the 45 hatch.

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 Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for  such store  When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the  door. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  50 What patch is made our porter? My master stays in  the street. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝   Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch  cold on ’s feet. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Who talks within there? Ho, open the door. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝  55 Right, sir, I’ll tell you when an you’ll tell me  wherefore. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Wherefore? For my dinner. I have not dined today. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝   Nor today here you must not. Come again when you  may. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  60 What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I  owe? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝   The porter for this time, sir, and my name is  Dromio. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my 65 name!  The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle  blame.  If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,  Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or 70 thy name for an ass.

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Enter Luce ⌜above, unseen by Antipholus of Ephesus and his company.⌝

LUCE   What a coil is there, Dromio! Who are those at the  gate? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Let my master in, Luce. LUCE   Faith, no, he comes too late, 75 And so tell your master. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   O Lord, I must laugh.  Have at you with a proverb: shall I set in my staff? LUCE   Have at you with another: that’s—When, can you  tell? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝  80 If thy name be called “Luce,” Luce, thou hast  answered him well. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Luce⌝   Do you hear, you minion? You’ll let us in, I hope? LUCE   I thought to have asked you. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝    And you said no. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  85 So, come help. Well struck! There was blow for  blow. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Luce⌝   Thou baggage, let me in. LUCE   Can you tell for whose sake? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Master, knock the door hard. LUCE  90 Let him knock till it ache. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down. ⌜He beats on the door.⌝

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LUCE   What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the  town?

Enter Adriana, ⌜above, unseen by Antipholus of Ephesus and his company.⌝

ADRIANA   Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝  95 By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly  boys. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Are you there, wife? You might have come before. ADRIANA   Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door. ⌜Adriana and Luce exit.⌝ DROMIO OF EPHESUS   If you went in pain, master, this knave would go 100 sore. ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome. We would  fain have either. BALTHASAR   In debating which was best, we shall part with  neither. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  105 They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome  hither. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   There is something in the wind, that we cannot get  in. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   You would say so, master, if your garments were 110 thin.  Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in  the cold.

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 It would make a man mad as a buck to be so  bought and sold. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  115 Go, fetch me something. I’ll break ope the gate. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝   Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s  pate. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   A man may break a word with ⌜you,⌝ sir, and words  are but wind, 120 Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not  behind. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝   It seems thou want’st breaking. Out upon thee, hind! DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Here’s too much “Out upon thee!” I pray thee, let  me in. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝  125 Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no  fin. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Dromio of Ephesus⌝   Well, I’ll break in. Go, borrow me a crow. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?  For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a 130 feather.—  If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow  together. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow. BALTHASAR   Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so. 135 Herein you war against your reputation,  And draw within the compass of suspect  Th’ unviolated honor of your wife.  Once this: your long experience of ⌜her⌝ wisdom,

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 Her sober virtue, years, and modesty 140 Plead on ⌜her⌝ part some cause to you unknown.  And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse  Why at this time the doors are made against you.  Be ruled by me; depart in patience,  And let us to the Tiger all to dinner, 145 And about evening come yourself alone  To know the reason of this strange restraint.  If by strong hand you offer to break in  Now in the stirring passage of the day,  A vulgar comment will be made of it; 150 And that supposèd by the common rout  Against your yet ungallèd estimation  That may with foul intrusion enter in  And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;  For slander lives upon succession, 155 Forever housèd where it gets possession. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   You have prevailed. I will depart in quiet  And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.  I know a wench of excellent discourse,  Pretty and witty, wild and yet, too, gentle. 160 There will we dine. This woman that I mean,  My wife—but, I protest, without desert—  Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal;  To her will we to dinner. ⌜To Angelo.⌝ Get you home  And fetch the chain; by this, I know, ’tis made. 165 Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine,  For there’s the house. That chain will I bestow—  Be it for nothing but to spite my wife—  Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste.  Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, 170 I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me. ANGELO   I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense. They exit.

⌜Scene 2⌝

Enter ⌜Luciana⌝ with Antipholus of Syracuse.

⌜LUCIANA⌝   And may it be that you have quite forgot   A husband’s office? Shall, Antipholus,  Even in the spring of love thy love-springs rot?   Shall love, in ⌜building,⌝ grow so ⌜ruinous?⌝ 5 If you did wed my sister for her wealth,   Then for her wealth’s sake use her with more   kindness.  Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth —   Muffle your false love with some show of 10  blindness.  Let not my sister read it in your eye;   Be not thy tongue thy own shame’s orator;  Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty;   Apparel vice like virtue’s harbinger. 15 Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted.   Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint.  Be secret-false. What need she be acquainted?   What simple thief brags of his own ⌜attaint?⌝  ’Tis double wrong to truant with your bed 20  And let her read it in thy looks at board.  Shame hath a bastard fame, well managèd;   Ill deeds is doubled with an evil word.  Alas, poor women, make us ⌜but⌝ believe,   Being compact of credit, that you love us. 25 Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;   We in your motion turn, and you may move us.

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 Then, gentle brother, get you in again.   Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her ⌜wife.⌝  ’Tis holy sport to be a little vain 30  When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Sweet mistress—what your name is else I know not,   Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine—  Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not   Than our Earth’s wonder, more than Earth divine. 35 Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak.   Lay open to my earthy gross conceit,  Smothered in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,   The folded meaning of your words’ deceit.  Against my soul’s pure truth why labor you 40  To make it wander in an unknown field?  Are you a god? Would you create me new?   Transform me, then, and to your power I’ll yield.  But if that I am I, then well I know   Your weeping sister is no wife of mine, 45 Nor to her bed no homage do I owe.   Far more, far more, to you do I decline.  O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note   To drown me in thy ⌜sister’s⌝ flood of tears.  Sing, Siren, for thyself, and I will dote. 50  Spread o’er the silver waves thy golden hairs,  And as a ⌜bed⌝ I’ll take ⌜them⌝ and there lie,   And in that glorious supposition think  He gains by death that hath such means to die.   Let love, being light, be drownèd if she sink. LUCIANA  55 What, are you mad that you do reason so? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Not mad, but mated—how, I do not know. LUCIANA   It is a fault that springeth from your eye.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by. LUCIANA   Gaze when you should, and that will clear your 60 sight. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night. LUCIANA   Why call you me “love”? Call my sister so. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Thy sister’s sister. LUCIANA   That’s my sister. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  65 No,  It is thyself, mine own self’s better part,  Mine eye’s clear eye, my dear heart’s dearer heart,  My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope’s aim,  My sole Earth’s heaven, and my heaven’s claim. LUCIANA  70 All this my sister is, or else should be. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Call thyself “sister,” sweet, for I am thee.  Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life;  Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife.  Give me thy hand. LUCIANA  75 O soft, sir. Hold you still.  I’ll fetch my sister to get her goodwill.She exits.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse, ⌜running.⌝

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Why, how now, Dromio.  Where runn’st thou so fast? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Do you know me, sir? Am I 80 Dromio? Am I your man? Am I myself? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Thou art Dromio, thou art  my man, thou art thyself. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  I am an ass, I am a woman’s  man, and besides myself.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  85What woman’s man? And  how besides thyself? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Marry, sir, besides myself I am  due to a woman, one that claims me, one that  haunts me, one that will have me. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  90What claim lays she to thee? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Marry, sir, such claim as you  would lay to your horse, and she would have me as  a beast; not that I being a beast she would have me,  but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays 95 claim to me. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  What is she? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  A very reverend body, ay, such a  one as a man may not speak of without he say  “sir-reverence.” I have but lean luck in the match, 100 and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  How dost thou mean a “fat  marriage”? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Marry, sir, she’s the kitchen  wench, and all grease, and I know not what use to 105 put her to but to make a lamp of her and run from  her by her own light. I warrant her rags and the  tallow in them will burn a Poland winter. If she lives  till doomsday, she’ll burn a week longer than the  whole world. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  110What complexion is she of? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Swart like my shoe, but her face  nothing like so clean kept. For why? She sweats. A  man may go overshoes in the grime of it. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  That’s a fault that water will 115 mend. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  No, sir, ’tis in grain; Noah’s flood  could not do it. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  What’s her name? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Nell, sir, but her name ⌜and⌝

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120 three quarters—that’s an ell and three quarters—  will not measure her from hip to hip. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Then she bears some  breadth? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  No longer from head to foot than 125 from hip to hip. She is spherical, like a globe. I  could find out countries in her. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  In what part of her body  stands Ireland? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Marry, sir, in her buttocks. I 130 found it out by the bogs. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Where Scotland? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  I found it by the barrenness,  hard in the palm of the hand. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Where France? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  135In her forehead, armed and  reverted, making war against her heir. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Where England? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  I looked for the chalky cliffs, but  I could find no whiteness in them. But I guess it 140 stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran  between France and it. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Where Spain? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot  in her breath. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  145Where America, the Indies? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  O, sir, upon her nose, all o’erembellished  with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires,  declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of  Spain, who sent whole armadas of carracks to be 150 ballast at her nose. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Where stood Belgia, the  Netherlands? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  O, sir, I did not look so low. To  conclude: this drudge or diviner laid claim to me,

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155 called me Dromio, swore I was assured to her, told  me what privy marks I had about me, as the mark  of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart  on my left arm, that I, amazed, ran from her as a  witch. 160 And, I think, if my breast had not been made of  faith, and my heart of steel,  She had transformed me to a curtal dog and made  me turn i’ th’ wheel. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Go, hie thee presently. Post to the road. 165 An if the wind blow any way from shore,  I will not harbor in this town tonight.  If any bark put forth, come to the mart,  Where I will walk till thou return to me.  If everyone knows us, and we know none, 170 ’Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack, and be gone. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   As from a bear a man would run for life,  So fly I from her that would be my wife.He exits. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   There’s none but witches do inhabit here,  And therefore ’tis high time that I were hence. 175 She that doth call me husband, even my soul  Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,  Possessed with such a gentle sovereign grace,  Of such enchanting presence and discourse,  Hath almost made me traitor to myself. 180 But lest myself be guilty to self wrong,  I’ll stop mine ears against the mermaid’s song.

Enter Angelo with the chain.

ANGELO   Master Antipholus. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Ay, that’s my name.

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ANGELO   I know it well, sir. Lo, here’s the chain. 185 I thought to have ta’en you at the Porpentine;  The chain unfinished made me stay thus long. ⌜He gives Antipholus a chain.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   What is your will that I shall do with this? ANGELO   What please yourself, sir. I have made it for you. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Made it for me, sir? I bespoke it not. ANGELO  190 Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.  Go home with it, and please your wife withal,  And soon at supper time I’ll visit you  And then receive my money for the chain. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   I pray you, sir, receive the money now, 195 For fear you ne’er see chain nor money more. ANGELO   You are a merry man, sir. Fare you well.He exits. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   What I should think of this I cannot tell,  But this I think: there’s no man is so vain  That would refuse so fair an offered chain. 200 I see a man here needs not live by shifts  When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.  I’ll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay.  If any ship put out, then straight away. He exits.

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ACT 4

Scene 1

Enter a ⌜Second⌝ Merchant, ⌜Angelo the⌝ Goldsmith, and an Officer.

⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Angelo⌝   You know since Pentecost the sum is due,  And since I have not much importuned you,  Nor now I had not, but that I am bound  To Persia and want guilders for my voyage. 5 Therefore make present satisfaction,  Or I’ll attach you by this officer. ANGELO   Even just the sum that I do owe to you  Is growing to me by Antipholus.  And in the instant that I met with you, 10 He had of me a chain. At five o’clock  I shall receive the money for the same.  Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,  I will discharge my bond and thank you too.

Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Ephesus ⌜and⌝ Dromio ⌜of Ephesus⌝ from the Courtesan’s.

OFFICER   That labor may you save. See where he comes. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Dromio of Ephesus⌝  15 While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou

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 And buy a rope’s end. That will I bestow  Among my wife and ⌜her⌝ confederates  For locking me out of my doors by day.  But soft. I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone. 20 Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me. DROMIO ⌜OF EPHESUS⌝   I buy a thousand pound a year! I buy a rope! Dromio exits. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Angelo⌝   A man is well holp up that trusts to you!  I promisèd your presence and the chain,  But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me. 25 Belike you thought our love would last too long  If it were chained together, and therefore came not. ANGELO, ⌜handing a paper to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Saving your merry humor, here’s the note  How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,  The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion, 30 Which doth amount to three-odd ducats more  Than I stand debted to this gentleman.  I pray you, see him presently discharged,  For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I am not furnished with the present money. 35 Besides, I have some business in the town.  Good signior, take the stranger to my house,  And with you take the chain, and bid my wife  Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof.  Perchance I will be there as soon as you. ANGELO  40 Then you will bring the chain to her yourself. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   No, bear it with you lest I come not time enough. ANGELO   Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   An if I have not, sir, I hope you have,  Or else you may return without your money. ANGELO  45 Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain.  Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,  And I, to blame, have held him here too long. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Good Lord! You use this dalliance to excuse  Your breach of promise to the Porpentine. 50 I should have chid you for not bringing it,  But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Angelo⌝   The hour steals on. I pray you, sir, dispatch. ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   You hear how he importunes me. The chain! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money. ANGELO  55 Come, come. You know I gave it you even now.  Either send the chain, or send ⌜by me⌝ some token. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Fie, now you run this humor out of breath.  Come, where’s the chain? I pray you, let me see it. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   My business cannot brook this dalliance. 60 Good sir, say whe’er you’ll answer me or no.  If not, I’ll leave him to the Officer. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I answer you? What should I answer you? ANGELO   The money that you owe me for the chain. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I owe you none till I receive the chain. ANGELO  65 You know I gave it you half an hour since.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   You gave me none. You wrong me much to say so. ANGELO   You wrong me more, sir, in denying it.  Consider how it stands upon my credit. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   Well, officer, arrest him at my suit. OFFICER, ⌜to Angelo⌝  70 I do, and charge you in the Duke’s name to obey  me. ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   This touches me in reputation.  Either consent to pay this sum for me,  Or I attach you by this officer. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  75 Consent to pay thee that I never had?—  Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar’st. ANGELO, ⌜to Officer⌝   Here is thy fee. Arrest him, officer.⌜Giving money.⌝  I would not spare my brother in this case  If he should scorn me so apparently. OFFICER, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝  80 I do arrest you, sir. You hear the suit. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I do obey thee till I give thee bail.  ⌜To Angelo.⌝ But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as  dear  As all the metal in your shop will answer. ANGELO  85 Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,  To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse from the bay.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Master, there’s a bark of Epidamium  That stays but till her owner comes aboard,

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 And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir, 90 I have conveyed aboard, and I have bought  The oil, the balsamum, and aqua vitae.  The ship is in her trim; the merry wind  Blows fair from land. They stay for naught at all  But for their owner, master, and yourself. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  95 How now? A madman? Why, thou peevish sheep,  What ship of Epidamium stays for me? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope  And told thee to what purpose and what end. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  100 You sent me for a rope’s end as soon.  You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I will debate this matter at more leisure  And teach your ears to list me with more heed.  To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight. ⌜He gives a key.⌝ 105 Give her this key, and tell her in the desk  That’s covered o’er with Turkish tapestry  There is a purse of ducats. Let her send it.  Tell her I am arrested in the street,  And that shall bail me. Hie thee, slave. Begone.— 110 On, officer, to prison till it come. ⌜All but Dromio of Syracuse⌝ exit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   To Adriana. That is where we dined,  Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband.  She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.  Thither I must, although against my will, 115 For servants must their masters’ minds fulfill. He exits.

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⌜Scene 2⌝

Enter Adriana and Luciana.

ADRIANA   Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?   Might’st thou perceive austerely in his eye  That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?   Looked he or red or pale, or sad or merrily? 5 What observation mad’st thou in this case  ⌜Of⌝ his heart’s meteors tilting in his face? LUCIANA   First he denied you had in him no right. ADRIANA   He meant he did me none; the more my spite. LUCIANA   Then swore he that he was a stranger here. ADRIANA  10 And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were. LUCIANA   Then pleaded I for you. ADRIANA   And what said he? LUCIANA   That love I begged for you he begged of me. ADRIANA   With what persuasion did he tempt thy love? LUCIANA  15 With words that in an honest suit might move.  First he did praise my beauty, then my speech. ADRIANA   Did’st speak him fair? LUCIANA   Have patience, I beseech. ADRIANA   I cannot, nor I will not hold me still. 20 My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.  He is deformèd, crooked, old, and sere,  Ill-faced, worse-bodied, shapeless everywhere,

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 Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,  Stigmatical in making, worse in mind. LUCIANA  25 Who would be jealous, then, of such a one?  No evil lost is wailed when it is gone. ADRIANA   Ah, but I think him better than I say,   And yet would herein others’ eyes were worse.  Far from her nest the lapwing cries away. 30  My heart prays for him, though my tongue do   curse.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse ⌜with the key.⌝

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Here, go—the desk, the purse! Sweet, now make  haste. LUCIANA   How hast thou lost thy breath? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  35 By running fast. ADRIANA   Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   No, he’s in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.  A devil in an everlasting garment hath him,  One whose hard heart is buttoned up with steel; 40 A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough;  A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;  A backfriend, a shoulder clapper, one that  countermands  The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands; 45 A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot  well,  One that before the judgment carries poor souls to  hell. ADRIANA  Why, man, what is the matter?

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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  50 I do not know the matter. He is ’rested on the case. ADRIANA   What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   I know not at whose suit he is arrested well,  But is in a suit of buff which ’rested him; that can I  tell. 55 Will you send him, mistress, redemption—the  money in his desk? ADRIANA   Go fetch it, sister. (Luciana exits.) This I wonder at,  ⌜That⌝ he, unknown to me, should be in debt.  Tell me, was he arrested on a band? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  60 Not on a band, but on a stronger thing:  A chain, a chain. Do you not hear it ring? ADRIANA  What, the chain? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   No, no, the bell. ’Tis time that I were gone.  It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes 65 one. ADRIANA   The hours come back. That did I never hear. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, he turns back  for very fear. ADRIANA   As if time were in debt. How fondly dost thou 70 reason! DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Time is a very bankrout and owes more than he’s  worth to season.  Nay, he’s a thief too. Have you not heard men say  That time comes stealing on by night and day?

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75 If ⌜he⌝ be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the  way,  Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?

Enter Luciana, ⌜with the purse.⌝

ADRIANA   Go, Dromio. There’s the money. Bear it straight,  And bring thy master home immediately. ⌜Dromio exits.⌝ 80 Come, sister, I am pressed down with conceit:  Conceit, my comfort and my injury. ⌜They⌝ exit.

⌜Scene 3⌝

Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Syracuse, ⌜wearing the chain.⌝

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me  As if I were their well-acquainted friend,  And everyone doth call me by my name.  Some tender money to me; some invite me; 5 Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;  Some offer me commodities to buy.  Even now a tailor called me in his shop  And showed me silks that he had bought for me,  And therewithal took measure of my body. 10 Sure these are but imaginary wiles,  And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse ⌜with the purse.⌝

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Master, here’s the gold you sent  me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam  new-appareled? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  15 What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?

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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Not that Adam that kept the  Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison; he  that goes in the calf’s skin that was killed for the  Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil 20 angel, and bid you forsake your liberty. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  I understand thee not. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  No? Why, ’tis a plain case: he  that went like a bass viol in a case of leather; the  man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives 25 them a sob and ’rests them; he, sir, that takes pity  on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he  that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his  mace than a morris-pike. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  What, thou mean’st an 30 officer? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band;  he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his  band; one that thinks a man always going to bed  and says “God give you good rest.” ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  35Well, sir, there rest in your  foolery. Is there any ships puts forth tonight? May  we be gone? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Why, sir, I brought you word an  hour since that the bark Expedition put forth tonight, 40 and then were you hindered by the sergeant  to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that  you sent for to deliver you.⌜He gives the purse.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   The fellow is distract, and so am I,  And here we wander in illusions. 45 Some blessèd power deliver us from hence!

Enter a Courtesan.

COURTESAN   Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.

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 I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now.  Is that the chain you promised me today? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  50 Master, is this Mistress Satan? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   It is the devil. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Nay, she is worse; she is the  devil’s dam, and here she comes in the habit of a  light wench. And thereof comes that the wenches 55 say “God damn me”; that’s as much to say “God  make me a light wench.” It is written they appear  to men like angels of light. Light is an effect of fire,  and fire will burn: ergo, light wenches��will burn.  Come not near her. COURTESAN  60 Your man and you are marvelous merry, sir.  Will you go with me? We’ll mend our dinner here. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Master, if ⌜you⌝ do, expect spoon  meat, or bespeak a long spoon. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Why, Dromio? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  65Marry, he must have a long  spoon that must eat with the devil. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to the Courtesan⌝   Avoid then, fiend! What tell’st thou me of supping?  Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress.  I conjure thee to leave me and be gone. COURTESAN  70 Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner  Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,  And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Some devils ask but the parings  of one’s nail, a rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, a 75 nut, a cherrystone; but she, more covetous, would  have a chain. Master, be wise. An if you give it her,  the devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.

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COURTESAN   I pray you, sir, my ring or else the chain.  I hope you do not mean to cheat me so. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  80 Avaunt, thou witch!—Come, Dromio, let us go. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  “Fly pride,” says the peacock.  Mistress, that you know. ⌜Antipholus and Dromio⌝ exit. COURTESAN   Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad;  Else would he never so demean himself. 85 A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,  And for the same he promised me a chain.  Both one and other he denies me now.  The reason that I gather he is mad,  Besides this present instance of his rage, 90 Is a mad tale he told today at dinner  Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.  Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,  On purpose shut the doors against his way.  My way is now to hie home to his house 95 And tell his wife that, being lunatic,  He rushed into my house and took perforce  My ring away. This course I fittest choose,  For forty ducats is too much to lose. ⌜She exits.⌝

⌜Scene 4⌝

Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Ephesus with a Jailer, ⌜the Officer.⌝

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Fear me not, man. I will not break away.  I’ll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,  To warrant thee, as I am ’rested for.  My wife is in a wayward mood today

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5 And will not lightly trust the messenger  That I should be attached in Ephesus.  I tell you, ’twill sound harshly in her ears.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus with a rope’s end.

 Here comes my man. I think he brings the  money. 10 How now, sir? Have you that I sent you for? DROMIO OF EPHESUS, ⌜handing over the rope’s end⌝   Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  But where’s the money? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  15 I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   To what end did I bid thee hie thee home? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  To a rope’s end, sir, and to that  end am I returned. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜beating Dromio⌝   And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. OFFICER  20Good sir, be patient. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Nay, ’tis for me to be patient. I am  in adversity. OFFICER  Good now, hold thy tongue. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Nay, rather persuade him to hold 25 his hands. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  Thou whoreson, senseless  villain. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  I would I were senseless, sir, that  I might not feel your blows. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  30Thou art sensible in nothing  but blows, and so is an ass.

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS  I am an ass, indeed; you may  prove it by my long ears.—I have served him from  the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have 35 nothing at his hands for my service but blows.  When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I  am warm, he cools me with beating. I am waked  with it when I sleep, raised with it when I sit,  driven out of doors with it when I go from home, 40 welcomed home with it when I return. Nay, I bear it  on my shoulders as a beggar wont her brat, and I  think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it  from door to door.

Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan, and a Schoolmaster called Pinch.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Come, go along. My wife is coming yonder. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  45Mistress, respice finem, respect  your end, or rather, the prophecy like the parrot,  “Beware the rope’s end.” ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  Wilt thou still talk? Beats Dromio. COURTESAN, ⌜to Adriana⌝   How say you now? Is not your husband mad? ADRIANA  50 His incivility confirms no less.—  Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;  Establish him in his true sense again,  And I will please you what you will demand. LUCIANA   Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks! COURTESAN  55 Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy. PINCH, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜striking Pinch⌝   There is my hand, and let it feel your ear. PINCH   I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,  To yield possession to my holy prayers, 60 And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight.  I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Peace, doting wizard, peace. I am not mad. ADRIANA   O, that thou wert not, poor distressèd soul! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   You minion, you, are these your customers? 65 Did this companion with the saffron face  Revel and feast it at my house today  Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut  And I denied to enter in my house? ADRIANA   O husband, God doth know you dined at home, 70 Where would you had remained until this time,  Free from these slanders and this open shame. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   “Dined at home”? ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Thou villain, what  sayest thou? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  75 Were not my doors locked up and I shut out? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Perdie, your doors were locked, and you shut out. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   And did not she herself revile me there? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Sans fable, she herself reviled you there. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Did not her kitchen maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS  80 Certes, she did; the kitchen vestal scorned you. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   And did not I in rage depart from thence? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   In verity you did.—My bones bears witness,  That since have felt the vigor of his rage. ADRIANA, ⌜to Pinch⌝   Is ’t good to soothe him in these contraries? PINCH  85 It is no shame. The fellow finds his vein  And, yielding to him, humors well his frenzy. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Adriana⌝   Thou hast suborned the goldsmith to arrest me. ADRIANA   Alas, I sent you money to redeem you  By Dromio here, who came in haste for it. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  90 Money by me? Heart and goodwill you might,  But surely, master, not a rag of money. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats? ADRIANA   He came to me, and I delivered it. LUCIANA   And I am witness with her that she did. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  95 God and the rope-maker bear me witness  That I was sent for nothing but a rope. PINCH   Mistress, both man and master is possessed.  I know it by their pale and deadly looks.  They must be bound and laid in some dark room. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Adriana⌝  100 Say wherefore didst thou lock me forth today.

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 ⌜To Dromio of Ephesus.⌝ And why dost thou deny the  bag of gold? ADRIANA   I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   And, gentle master, I received no gold. 105 But I confess, sir, that we were locked out. ADRIANA   Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,  And art confederate with a damnèd pack  To make a loathsome abject scorn of me. 110 But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes  That would behold in me this shameful sport. ADRIANA   O bind him, bind him! Let him not come near me.

Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives.

PINCH   More company! The fiend is strong within him. LUCIANA   Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  115 What, will you murder me?—Thou jailer, thou,  I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer them  To make a rescue? OFFICER   Masters, let him go.  He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him. PINCH  120 Go, bind this man, for he is frantic too. ⌜Dromio is bound.⌝ ADRIANA, ⌜to Officer⌝   What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?  Hast thou delight to see a wretched man  Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

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OFFICER   He is my prisoner. If I let him go, 125 The debt he owes will be required of me. ADRIANA   I will discharge thee ere I go from thee.  Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,  And knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.—  Good Master Doctor, see him safe conveyed 130 Home to my house. O most unhappy day! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  O most unhappy strumpet! DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Master, I am here entered in bond for you. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Out on thee, villain! Wherefore dost thou mad me? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good 135 master.  Cry “The devil!” LUCIANA   God help poor souls! How idly do they talk! ADRIANA, ⌜to Pinch⌝   Go bear him hence. ⌜Pinch and his men⌝ exit ⌜with Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.⌝ Officer, Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan remain.  Sister, go you with me. 140 ⌜To Officer.⌝ Say now whose suit is he arrested at. OFFICER   One Angelo, a goldsmith. Do you know him? ADRIANA   I know the man. What is the sum he owes? OFFICER   Two hundred ducats. ADRIANA   Say, how grows it due? OFFICER  145 Due for a chain your husband had of him.

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ADRIANA   He did bespeak a chain for me but had it not. COURTESAN   Whenas your husband all in rage today  Came to my house and took away my ring,  The ring I saw upon his finger now, 150 Straight after did I meet him with a chain. ADRIANA   It may be so, but I did never see it.—  Come, jailer, bring me where the goldsmith is.  I long to know the truth hereof at large.

Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.

LUCIANA   God for Thy mercy, they are loose again! ADRIANA  155 And come with naked swords. Let’s call more help  To have them bound again. OFFICER   Away! They’ll kill us. Run all out as fast as may be, frighted. ⌜Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse remain.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   I see these witches are afraid of swords. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   She that would be your wife now ran from you. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  160 Come to the Centaur. Fetch our stuff from thence.  I long that we were safe and sound aboard. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Faith, stay here this night. They  will surely do us no harm. You saw they speak us  fair, give us gold. Methinks they are such a gentle 165 nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that  claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to  stay here still, and turn witch.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   I will not stay tonight for all the town.  Therefore, away, to get our stuff aboard. They exit.

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ACT 5

Scene 1

Enter the ⌜Second⌝ Merchant and ⌜Angelo⌝ the Goldsmith.

ANGELO   I am sorry, sir, that I have hindered you,  But I protest he had the chain of me,  Though most dishonestly he doth deny it. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   How is the man esteemed here in the city? ANGELO  5 Of very reverend reputation, sir,  Of credit infinite, highly beloved,  Second to none that lives here in the city.  His word might bear my wealth at any time. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   Speak softly. Yonder, as I think, he walks.

Enter Antipholus and Dromio ⌜of Syracuse⌝ again, ⌜Antipholus wearing the chain.⌝

ANGELO  10 ’Tis so, and that self chain about his neck  Which he forswore most monstrously to have.  Good sir, draw near to me. I’ll speak to him.—  Signior Antipholus, I wonder much  That you would put me to this shame and trouble, 15 And not without some scandal to yourself,

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 With circumstance and oaths so to deny  This chain, which now you wear so openly.  Besides the charge, the shame, imprisonment,  You have done wrong to this my honest friend, 20 Who, but for staying on our controversy,  Had hoisted sail and put to sea today.  This chain you had of me. Can you deny it? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   I think I had. I never did deny it. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  25 Who heard me to deny it or forswear it? ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   These ears of mine, thou know’st, did hear thee.  Fie on thee, wretch. ’Tis pity that thou liv’st  To walk where any honest men resort. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Thou art a villain to impeach me thus. 30 I’ll prove mine honor and mine honesty  Against thee presently if thou dar’st stand. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.They draw.

Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan, and others.

ADRIANA   Hold, hurt him not, for God’s sake. He is mad.—  Some get within him; take his sword away. 35 Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house! DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Run, master, run. For God’s sake, take a house.  This is some priory. In, or we are spoiled. ⌜Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse⌝ exit to the Priory.

Enter Lady Abbess.

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ABBESS   Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither? ADRIANA   To fetch my poor distracted husband hence. 40 Let us come in, that we may bind him fast  And bear him home for his recovery. ANGELO   I knew he was not in his perfect wits. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   I am sorry now that I did draw on him. ABBESS   How long hath this possession held the man? ADRIANA  45 This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,  And much different from the man he was.  But till this afternoon his passion  Ne’er brake into extremity of rage. ABBESS   Hath he not lost much wealth by wrack of sea? 50 Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye  Strayed his affection in unlawful love,  A sin prevailing much in youthful men  Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing?  Which of these sorrows is he subject to? ADRIANA  55 To none of these, except it be the last,  Namely, some love that drew him oft from home. ABBESS   You should for that have reprehended him. ADRIANA   Why, so I did. ABBESS   Ay, but not rough enough. ADRIANA  60 As roughly as my modesty would let me. ABBESS   Haply in private.

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ADRIANA   And in assemblies too. ABBESS  Ay, but not enough. ADRIANA   It was the copy of our conference. 65 In bed he slept not for my urging it;  At board he fed not for my urging it.  Alone, it was the subject of my theme;  In company I often glancèd it.  Still did I tell him it was vile and bad. ABBESS  70 And thereof came it that the man was mad.  The venom clamors of a jealous woman  Poisons more deadly than a mad dog’s tooth.  It seems his sleeps were hindered by thy railing,  And thereof comes it that his head is light. 75 Thou sayst his meat was sauced with thy  upbraidings.  Unquiet meals make ill digestions.  Thereof the raging fire of fever bred,  And what’s a fever but a fit of madness? 80 Thou sayest his sports were hindered by thy brawls.  Sweet recreation barred, what doth ensue  But moody and dull melancholy,  Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,  And at her heels a huge infectious troop 85 Of pale distemperatures and foes to life?  In food, in sport, and life-preserving rest  To be disturbed would mad or man or beast.  The consequence is, then, thy jealous fits  Hath scared thy husband from the use of wits. LUCIANA  90 She never reprehended him but mildly  When he demeaned himself rough, rude, and  wildly.—  Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?

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ADRIANA   She did betray me to my own reproof.— 95 Good people, enter and lay hold on him. ABBESS   No, not a creature enters in my house. ADRIANA   Then let your servants bring my husband forth. ABBESS   Neither. He took this place for sanctuary,  And it shall privilege him from your hands 100 Till I have brought him to his wits again  Or lose my labor in assaying it. ADRIANA   I will attend my husband, be his nurse,  Diet his sickness, for it is my office  And will have no attorney but myself; 105 And therefore let me have him home with me. ABBESS   Be patient, for I will not let him stir  Till I have used the approvèd means I have,  With wholesome syrups, drugs, and holy prayers,  To make of him a formal man again. 110 It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,  A charitable duty of my order.  Therefore depart and leave him here with me. ADRIANA   I will not hence and leave my husband here;  And ill it doth beseem your holiness 115 To separate the husband and the wife. ABBESS   Be quiet and depart. Thou shalt not have him. ⌜She exits.⌝ LUCIANA, ⌜to Adriana⌝   Complain unto the Duke of this indignity. ADRIANA   Come, go. I will fall prostrate at his feet  And never rise until my tears and prayers

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120 Have won his grace to come in person hither  And take perforce my husband from the Abbess. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   By this, I think, the dial points at five.  Anon, I’m sure, the Duke himself in person  Comes this way to the melancholy vale, 125 The place of ⌜death⌝ and sorry execution  Behind the ditches of the abbey here. ANGELO  Upon what cause? ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   To see a reverend Syracusian merchant,  Who put unluckily into this bay 130 Against the laws and statutes of this town,  Beheaded publicly for his offense. ANGELO   See where they come. We will behold his death. LUCIANA, ⌜to Adriana⌝   Kneel to the Duke before he pass the abbey.

Enter the Duke of Ephesus, and ⌜Egeon⌝ the Merchant of Syracuse, bare head, with the Headsman and other Officers.

DUKE   Yet once again proclaim it publicly, 135 If any friend will pay the sum for him,  He shall not die; so much we tender him. ADRIANA, ⌜kneeling⌝   Justice, most sacred duke, against the Abbess. DUKE   She is a virtuous and a reverend lady.  It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong. ADRIANA  140 May it please your Grace, Antipholus my husband,  Who I made lord of me and all I had  At your important letters, this ill day  A most outrageous fit of madness took him,

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 That desp’rately he hurried through the street, 145 With him his bondman, all as mad as he,  Doing displeasure to the citizens  By rushing in their houses, bearing thence  Rings, jewels, anything his rage did like.  Once did I get him bound and sent him home 150 Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went  That here and there his fury had committed.  Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,  He broke from those that had the guard of him,  And with his mad attendant and himself, 155 Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords,  Met us again and, madly bent on us,  Chased us away, till raising of more aid,  We came again to bind them. Then they fled  Into this abbey, whither we pursued them, 160 And here the Abbess shuts the gates on us  And will not suffer us to fetch him out,  Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.  Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command  Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help. DUKE  165 Long since, thy husband served me in my wars,  And I to thee engaged a prince’s word,  When thou didst make him master of thy bed,  To do him all the grace and good I could.  Go, some of you, knock at the abbey gate, 170 And bid the Lady Abbess come to me.  I will determine this before I stir.⌜Adriana rises.⌝

Enter a Messenger.

⌜MESSENGER⌝   O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself.  My master and his man are both broke loose,  Beaten the maids a-row, and bound the doctor,

p. 143

175 Whose beard they have singed off with brands of  fire,  And ever as it blazed they threw on him  Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair.  My master preaches patience to him, and the while 180 His man with scissors nicks him like a fool;  And sure, unless you send some present help,  Between them they will kill the conjurer. ADRIANA   Peace, fool. Thy master and his man are here,  And that is false thou dost report to us. MESSENGER  185 Mistress, upon my life I tell you true.  I have not breathed almost since I did see it.  He cries for you and vows, if he can take you,  To scorch your face and to disfigure you.Cry within.  Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress. Fly, begone! DUKE  190 Come, stand by me. Fear nothing.—Guard with  halberds.

Enter Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.

ADRIANA   Ay me, it is my husband. Witness you  That he is borne about invisible.  Even now we housed him in the abbey here, 195 And now he’s there, past thought of human reason. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Justice, most gracious duke. O, grant me justice,  Even for the service that long since I did thee  When I bestrid thee in the wars and took  Deep scars to save thy life. Even for the blood 200 That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice. EGEON, ⌜aside⌝   Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,  I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.

p. 145

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there,  She whom thou gav’st to me to be my wife, 205 That hath abusèd and dishonored me  Even in the strength and height of injury.  Beyond imagination is the wrong  That she this day hath shameless thrown on me. DUKE   Discover how, and thou shalt find me just. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  210 This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me  While she with harlots feasted in my house. DUKE   A grievous fault.—Say, woman, didst thou so? ADRIANA   No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister  Today did dine together. So befall my soul 215 As this is false he burdens me withal. LUCIANA   Ne’er may I look on day nor sleep on night  But she tells to your Highness simple truth. ANGELO   O perjured woman!—They are both forsworn.  In this the madman justly chargeth them. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  220 My liege, I am advisèd what I say,  Neither disturbed with the effect of wine,  Nor heady-rash provoked with raging ire,  Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.  This woman locked me out this day from dinner. 225 That goldsmith there, were he not packed with her,  Could witness it, for he was with me then,  Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,  Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,  Where Balthasar and I did dine together. 230 Our dinner done and he not coming thither,

p. 147

 I went to seek him. In the street I met him,  And in his company that gentleman. ⌜He points to Second Merchant.⌝  There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down  That I this day of him received the chain, 235 Which, God He knows, I saw not; for the which  He did arrest me with an officer.  I did obey and sent my peasant home  For certain ducats. He with none returned.  Then fairly I bespoke the officer 240 To go in person with me to my house.  By th’ way we met  My wife, her sister, and a rabble more  Of vile confederates. Along with them  They brought one Pinch, a hungry, lean-faced 245 villain,  A mere anatomy, a mountebank,  A threadbare juggler, and a fortune-teller,  A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,  A living dead man. This pernicious slave, 250 Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,  And, gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,  And with no face (as ’twere) outfacing me,  Cries out I was possessed. Then all together  They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence, 255 And in a dark and dankish vault at home  There left me and my man, both bound together,  Till gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,  I gained my freedom and immediately  Ran hither to your Grace, whom I beseech 260 To give me ample satisfaction  For these deep shames and great indignities. ANGELO   My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him:  That he dined not at home, but was locked out.

p. 149

DUKE   But had he such a chain of thee or no? ANGELO  265 He had, my lord, and when he ran in here,  These people saw the chain about his neck. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine  Heard you confess you had the chain of him  After you first forswore it on the mart, 270 And thereupon I drew my sword on you,  And then you fled into this abbey here,  From whence I think you are come by miracle. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I never came within these abbey walls,  Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me. 275 I never saw the chain, so help me heaven,  And this is false you burden me withal. DUKE   Why, what an intricate impeach is this!  I think you all have drunk of Circe’s cup.  If here you housed him, here he would have been. 280 If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly.  ⌜To Adriana.⌝ You say he dined at home; the  goldsmith here  Denies that saying. ⌜To Dromio of Ephesus.⌝ Sirrah,  what say you? DROMIO OF EPHESUS, ⌜pointing to the Courtesan⌝  285 Sir, he dined with her there at the Porpentine. COURTESAN   He did, and from my finger snatched that ring. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜showing a ring⌝   ’Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her. DUKE, ⌜to Courtesan⌝   Saw’st thou him enter at the abbey here? COURTESAN   As sure, my liege, as I do see your Grace.

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DUKE  290 Why, this is strange.—Go call the Abbess hither. Exit one to the Abbess.  I think you are all mated or stark mad. EGEON   Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word.  Haply I see a friend will save my life  And pay the sum that may deliver me. DUKE  295 Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt. EGEON, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Is not your name, sir, called Antipholus?  And is not that your bondman Dromio? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Within this hour I was his bondman, sir,  But he, I thank him, gnawed in two my cords. 300 Now am I Dromio, and his man, unbound. EGEON   I am sure you both of you remember me. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you,  For lately we were bound as you are now.  You are not Pinch’s patient, are you, sir? EGEON, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝  305 Why look you strange on me? You know me well. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I never saw you in my life till now. EGEON   O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,  And careful hours with time’s deformèd hand  Have written strange defeatures in my face. 310 But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice? ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  Neither. EGEON  Dromio, nor thou? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  No, trust me, sir, nor I.

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EGEON  I am sure thou dost. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  315Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not, and  whatsoever a man denies, you are now bound to  believe him. EGEON   Not know my voice! O time’s extremity,  Hast thou so cracked and splitted my poor tongue 320 In seven short years that here my only son  Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares?  Though now this grainèd face of mine be hid  In sap-consuming winter’s drizzled snow,  And all the conduits of my blood froze up, 325 Yet hath my night of life some memory,  My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,  My dull deaf ears a little use to hear.  All these old witnesses—I cannot err—  Tell me thou art my son Antipholus. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  330 I never saw my father in my life. EGEON   But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,  Thou know’st we parted. But perhaps, my son,  Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   The Duke and all that know me in the city 335 Can witness with me that it is not so.  I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life. DUKE   I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years  Have I been patron to Antipholus,  During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa. 340 I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.

Enter ⌜Emilia⌝ the Abbess, with Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Syracuse and Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.

p. 155

ABBESS   Most mighty duke, behold a man much wronged. All gather to see them. ADRIANA   I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me. DUKE   One of these men is genius to the other.  And so, of these, which is the natural man 345 And which the spirit? Who deciphers them? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   I, sir, am Dromio. Command him away. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   I, sir, am Dromio. Pray, let me stay. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Egeon art thou not, or else his ghost? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   O, my old master.—Who hath bound him here? ABBESS  350 Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds  And gain a husband by his liberty.—  Speak, old Egeon, if thou be’st the man  That hadst a wife once called Emilia,  That bore thee at a burden two fair sons. 355 O, if thou be’st the same Egeon, speak,  And speak unto the same Emilia. DUKE   Why, here begins his morning story right:  These two Antipholus’, these two so like,  And these two Dromios, one in semblance— 360 Besides her urging of her wrack at sea—  These are the parents to these children,  Which accidentally are met together. EGEON   If I dream not, thou art Emilia.  If thou art she, tell me, where is that son 365 That floated with thee on the fatal raft?

p. 157

ABBESS   By men of Epidamium he and I  And the twin Dromio all were taken up;  But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth  By force took Dromio and my son from them, 370 And me they left with those of Epidamium.  What then became of them I cannot tell;  I to this fortune that you see me in. DUKE, ⌜to Antipholus of Syracuse⌝   Antipholus, thou cam’st from Corinth first. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   No, sir, not I. I came from Syracuse. DUKE  375 Stay, stand apart. I know not which is which. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  And I with him. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Brought to this town by that most famous warrior  Duke Menaphon, your most renownèd uncle. ADRIANA  380 Which of you two did dine with me today? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   I, gentle mistress. ADRIANA   And are not you my husband? ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  No, I say nay to that. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   And so do I, yet did she call me so, 385 And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,  Did call me brother. ⌜To Luciana.⌝ What I told you  then  I hope I shall have leisure to make good,  If this be not a dream I see and hear. ANGELO, ⌜turning to Antipholus of Syracuse⌝  390 That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.

p. 159

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   I think it be, sir. I deny it not. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Angelo⌝   And you, sir, for this chain arrested me. ANGELO   I think I did, sir. I deny it not. ADRIANA, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   I sent you money, sir, to be your bail 395 By Dromio, but I think he brought it not. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  No, none by me. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Adriana⌝   This purse of ducats I received from you,  And Dromio my man did bring them me.  I see we still did meet each other’s man, 400 And I was ta’en for him, and he for me,  And thereupon these errors are arose. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to the Duke⌝   These ducats pawn I for my father here. DUKE   It shall not need. Thy father hath his life. COURTESAN, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Sir, I must have that diamond from you. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  405 There, take it, and much thanks for my good cheer. ABBESS   Renownèd duke, vouchsafe to take the pains  To go with us into the abbey here  And hear at large discoursèd all our fortunes,  And all that are assembled in this place 410 That by this sympathizèd one day’s error  Have suffered wrong. Go, keep us company,  And we shall make full satisfaction.—  Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail  Of you, my sons, and till this present hour 415 My heavy burden ⌜ne’er⌝ deliverèd.—  The Duke, my husband, and my children both,

p. 161

 And you, the calendars of their nativity,  Go to a gossips’ feast, and go with me.  After so long grief, such nativity! DUKE  420 With all my heart I’ll gossip at this feast. All exit except the two Dromios and ⌜the⌝ two brothers ⌜Antipholus.⌝ DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard? ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embarked? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   He speaks to me.—I am your master, Dromio. 425 Come, go with us. We’ll look to that anon.  Embrace thy brother there. Rejoice with him. ⌜The brothers Antipholus⌝ exit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   There is a fat friend at your master’s house  That kitchened me for you today at dinner.  She now shall be my sister, not my wife. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  430 Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother.  I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth.  Will you walk in to see their gossiping? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Not I, sir. You are my elder. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  That’s a question. How shall we 435 try it? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  We’ll draw cuts for the signior.  Till then, lead thou first. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Nay, then, thus:  We came into the world like brother and brother, 440 And now let’s go hand in hand, not one before  another. They exit.

[itsbansheebitch]

!!!CALL YOUR LAWMAKERS!!!

Make it clear that KOSA is a controversial bill!!!

Lawmakers don't want to vote for controversial bills before people vote for them again!!!

KOSA would

Eliminate ANY queer content under their "duty of care" clause

Censoring of lifesaving resources

This IS NOT a privacy bill!!! This is a censorship bill!!!

There is hope!!!

Last week, Senators Schumer and Blumenthal took to the Senate floor to talk about their commitment to moving this dangerous bill forward. There are a few Senators keeping the vote from happening right now, but we need to make sure they keep up their opposition to block the vote unless it is fully fixed to stop it from becoming a censorship bill.

On the House side, the House Energy and Commerce Committee could consider the bill as soon as this week. If it gets voted out of this committee, the next stop is a full House vote. We still have the opportunity to win significant changes to get rid of the part of KOSA that would let government officials decide what content they think is “dangerous” for young people. And if we can’t, we need to keep raising opposition to keep KOSA from passing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Script:

When someone answers, say your name, be polite, and then say, “I'm calling to urge you to oppose the Kids Online Safety Act. Because of its duty of care model, this bill would be a threat to free speech online and puts LGBTQ+ kids at further risk by incentivizing social media companies to censor lifesaving resources, in an already scary time for them. If you care about kids' experience online, Congress should pass remove the duty of care from KOSA completely and pass comprehensive privacy legislation that would actually protect kids.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The petition is below! If you can't call, sign!!!

Call Now!!! They will connect you directly to your lawmaker's office!!!

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

It’s one in the morning let’s talk Six of Crows analysis - it feels like it’s been ages since I did any analysis, which is like the entire point of this account so sorry about that but here we go: We should talk more about Adem Bajan you guys okay because first of all he effectively comes to represent the vast majority of everyday people in a clear juxtaposition to both Inej and Van Eck, but he also is in a position of far less choice than I think we give him credit for.

As a reminder, Bajan is a young Suli boy (presumably somewhere around 19 but we have no confirmation of that) working in the Van Eck household teaching Alys music. He is highly implied to be having or to have interest in having as affair with Alys, and was Van Eck’s chosen jailer for Inej at the beginning of Crooked Kingdom. Van Eck claims he made this choice because he thought “a Suli boy would be most conspicuous” when he was attempting to lure Kaz into a trap to save Inej, but it was also an inarguably smart decision in that, as Inej even comments herself, Bajan was easy to talk to, made her feel nostalgic, homesick, and alone, and very nearly succeeded in drawing information out of her without having to restore to torture. If anything, resorting to torture was Van Eck’s major mistake at this point but that’s really a conversation for another time. Bajan is a really interesting character because he doesn’t want to hurt Inej and specifically encourages her to tell him things so Van Eck won’t escalate things further, but when Van Eck does escalate things Bajan is unable - or possibly unwilling - to stop him. For this Inej calls him a monster, and when he claims he did nothing replies “no, you’re the man who stands idly by congratulating himself whilst the monster eats its fill”. She draws a Suli phrase on him that effectively means he’ll be rejected by the community forever and his spirit/soul won’t be accepted, and she describes it as the worst fate or something along those lines sorry I can’t remember exactly. But what’s the most interesting thing is that even though he claims not to believe in any of it Bajan gets noticeably upset by this and says “that’s not fair”. Inej is surprised that he’s this soft, and there’s a very clear juxtaposition between the lives they have lived.

BUT - let’s look at this from Bajan’s perspective. And remember - this is important - Bajan is not described as an employee of Van Eck’s, but an indenture. An indenture. So Bajan is a young boy indentured in a foreign country to a man as high up in the country’s government as you can get and who has clearly been illustrated to the reader as a terrible person on several different levels that I won’t dissect in too much detail right now. He appears to have acclimatised himself to Kerch surroundings and acts with elevation above his status, because that’s what he has to do to survive in the upper echelon of a deeply classist society that actively diminishes and disapproves of his culture. (<<if anyone wants references for that let me know and also I’ve written about it quite a bit before so that’s kicking around on my page somewhere) He refuses to speak to Inej in Suli because “it makes me maudlin” and my question to you is: is he rejecting the language to further attempt to fit in and as a product of internalised prejudice, or because it’s so incredibly painful to be half-connected to a culture not only that he has forced himself to reject but also that he feels he can never safely return to? Probably both. He tells Inej he doesn’t believe in Suli superstition, religion, or culture, and yet is deeply upset when she uses it against him. Is this because he actually does believe, or wants to believe, in the Saints and the Suli interpretation of them but has rejected them for survival and the supposed betterment of himself? Possibly.

Bajan strikes me as very similar to Jesper in the way he presents himself as free, flirty, and casual, but had a considerable weight to almost everything he says and considerable pain hidden closer to the surface than he may have realised. I think there are parallels between him and Inej if we want to see them, but also a very stark difference in the way Kerch and Ketterdam have treated them. Bajan may not be privileged but even as an indenture he has - or at least as far as we know has had - a far safer and kinder experience than Inej has. This could be related to gender since the hyper-sexualisation of Suli culture is mostly centred on women - “the Menagerie always stocked a Suli girl” (I’ve intensely analysis this quote before so I won’t now but ugh there’s so much to say) - but we do know there are young boys captive at the pleasure houses as well although less commonly and it’s also possible that this difference is linked to Bajan’s decision to turn his back on Suli culture in order to appeal more to Kerch society whilst Inej continually embraced her culture and arguably became more religious in response to her experiences.

This is complicated because I’m not entirely sure how I feel about Bajan. I understand and support Inej’s perspective and everything she saw whilst in a far more dangerous position that he was, but is it possible that this was a lonely boy who saw someone he thought was like him and tried to communicate with her the only way he thought was safe? You are completely isolated in a foreign culture and hate yourself for having suppressed your own upbringing in order to survive, but now you meet someone else who yes, is in more danger than you, but who you might be able to help so that she can help you in return. You aren’t safe to speak freely and so you subtly tell her that you are an indenture, hoping she acknowledges that none of this is of your free will and because you know that she was indentured too (and remember from a societal pov there is very little understanding of what indentured girls at the pleasure houses actually go through and although that doesn’t excuse ignoring Inej’s trauma it may explain why he doesn’t fully acknowledge that their positions aren’t equal), you tell her that speaking your own shared language makes you feel maudlin, hoping she realises that you desperately miss your homeland and using your language makes you feel even further from your family than you already are because you can’t share it with them. She doesn’t seem to be taking any of it in, your employer has every intention of hurting her and you don’t know what else to do, so you make a last plea: you ask her about home. You think you’ve already made it clear that speaking about home is painful, so you ask her about it to invite that pain, to share it, so you both understand. But it fails, because she only sees your employer puppeteering you. You openly beg her to tell him the truth so that he won’t hurt her but she refuses to comply, and after all of your efforts and your desperate attempts to connect and beg her to help you both go home, her response is to turn your home against you and banish you from it for eternity. So when you see her the next morning, how could you possibly look her in the eye?

Bajan did not make all of the right choices in his brief time on the page. He didn’t. But maybe he was trying really hard, and he had no other options left.

Anyway I’m not saying this is definitive one way or the other it’s just an interpretation but I find him a very interesting and very sad character and I although I support all of Inej’s actions in these scenes from her point of view I do find myself wondering how she appeared to Bajan and how he felt in the aftermath.

[greatcheshire]

one more thing I have to say, since you'll hide the obvious goal behind your agenda, I'll say it for you, & I know you most likely won't publish this ask because of your lack of empathy, but if there's a soul in that sorry excuse of a man you are, use it.

Trans "women" aren't women, men cannot be women, what your cult is trying to do is mutilate yourself to the point of unrecognition like some kind of skin walker so you people can invade women & children's safe spaces & friend groups in order to rape & molest them & get off scot free.

That's always been the end goal of the trans agenda BUT BECAUSE THE WORLD IS FALLING FOR YOUR MANIPULATION EVERYONE IS STARTING TO TURN A BLIND EYE TO YOUR ACTIONS, EVEN OTHER WOMEN, BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO DELUDE THE WORLD INTO THINKING YOU'RE "WOMEN" YOUR RAPE IS BEING OVERLOOKED BECAUSE REAL WOMEN CANNOT RAPE, THATS THE REASON YOU WANT OUR GENDER, TO. GET. AWAY. WITH. RAPE.

THEY'RE NOT STOPPING THERE EITHER, THEY'RE TRYING TO INDOCTRANTE CHILDREN BY MOLESTING THEM IN SCHOOLS & TEACHING THEM HOW TO MULIATE THEIR FACIAL FEATURES & BODY TOO, THEY'RE LITERALLY RAPING TO RAISE RAPISTS!!!

ITS FUCKING SICKENING. WAKE UP SHEEPLE, ITS NOT UNINTENTIONAL EITHER, THEY'VE BEEN PLANNING ON THIS FOR YEARS & YEARS BECAUSE THEY KNOW WOMENS RIGHTS ARE BEING OVERLOOKED & GETTING WORSE EVERYDAY, THEY KNOW THE GOVERNMENT WON'T CARE FOR OUR ABUSE, BECAUSE THERE'S TRANS PEOPLE IN THE GOVERNMENT!!!

Please, if anyone cares for what's right, spread this message. For the sake of women & children's safety everywhere.

hey sorry to ignore the rest of your essay or call for help or whatever it is but did you just say that women can’t rape because uhhhhhhh

[fazedlight]

Lost (Character study for 1x16 Falling)

I couldn’t save Krypton.

The thought floated past her mind, surprising her with its intensity. While she could never erase the ache inside, her old haunted feelings had softened into fond memory over the years. She didn’t know why that thought would occur to her now. And she had never thought of it as her responsibility to do the saving then - she had been a child, unable to rescue a planet.

She pushed it out of her mind.

That morning as she pulled out clothes - trying to control the strange restlessness in her body - she scanned her wardrobe for what to wear that day. Cat always talks about power dressing, Kara thought, mulling over how easy it’d be to fly over to a clothing store before work. Power. Confidence. A bit of sex appeal. Don’t I deserve that?

And it seemed to have worked when she finally strode out of the Catco elevator in the morning - every head in the room turned. Rao, what she would give to have James look at her like that more often. Even Siobhan seemed intimidated as Kara sniped back.

But still, the drops of pain seeped into her mind all day. I couldn’t save Krypton. 

Kara pushed it away in every meeting, as her jaw clenched and her hands twitched into fists. She pushed the thought away during the DEO briefing where J’onn droned and droned about stolen gold bars. 

Pointless. She knew her job. “Kick. Alien. Ass.” Rao, why does any of this matter?

Kara threw another lazy punch at the weak alien. There will always be Fort Rozz inmates, she thought. The next, and the next, and the next - chasing down rogue aliens like an annoying chore that the DEO couldn’t even bother to thank her for. When does it end?

There was the fear she couldn’t acknowledge. It ends when Non’s kryptonian army takes her down.

J’onn was less than pleased that she had let the inmate go. The fucking audacity, Kara thought, her frustration at being the DEO’s disposable tool finally boiling over. “Every kryptonian on this planet wants to kill me, except my cousin,” she shouted back at J’onn -  an alien almost as powerful as she was, who couldn’t lift a damn finger. “What are you so afraid of?” she demanded, “You talk about honor and your people, and yet you refuse to be one of them.”

Because fuck, she had tried. Tried to honor her culture, as last daughter of Krypton - only to find out that her mother had used her, that her aunt and uncle had killed so many in their attempts to save her planet, that her government had lied to them all. She had tried to honor a culture that had destroyed itself. I couldn’t save Krypton.

J’onn and Alex watched in shock as she turned on her heels. She was almost mindless as she turned the corner, denting a concrete wall as she stormed out of the DEO. My life doesn’t matter to them, she thought, and my people’s lives never mattered to Rao.

She could control the chaos. She felt nothing as Cat’s eyes narrowed on her, a subtle threat for daring to use a fucking elevator. She felt nothing as she got Siobhan fired. She felt nothing as she jerked James’ arm back on the dance floor. All she could do was laugh in the face of absurdity, laugh at how hollow all of this really was.

She had meant what she said to Cat. All she did was enable these humans’ victimhood, carry the weight of their world on her shoulders. “True power, Cat, is in deciding who will live and who will die.” I couldn’t save Krypton, and I can’t stop Non.

“Kara, this isn’t you,” Alex shouted, putting out the fire Kara had set as Kara strode casually away from the charred clothing.

“I’m more me than I’ve ever been.”

She was done with the hero business. She was free. Free of kryptonian rules, free of human rules. Her godlike powers would ensure that she could be worshipped by these insignificant humans, that she could erase the weak child that had lost her entire planet. She could be a god who owned her powers until the planet inevitably fell to Non’s army.

The litany went on in her mind. Krypton is dead, living is pointless, trying is pointless. Somewhere else in her mind came the thought Alex is right, this isn’t me - but it floated away as quickly as it came, darker thoughts breaking through the surface to replace it.

Kara flew away, and it wasn’t long until there were bullets hitting her chest. I was the one who survived, Kara thought as she laughed, watching the metal glint in the street lights. She burned cars and knocked weapons out of agents’ hands, reveling in a past that she was free from. Me, a child. And now I’m the most powerful person in this world.

Something twinged inside her, watching as Alex collapsed against the DEO car, claiming to want to help after attempting to shoot her. She never valued my life, Kara thought, not when she sent me into battle. Not when she slayed Aunt Astra.

“You have to stop,” Alex begged, as Kara’s eyes began to burn red.

“Nothing on Earth can stop me,” Kara growled.

“You don’t want to kill me.”

She was right. Kara knew she was right - she didn’t want Alex dead. But you’ll die anyway, Kara’s mind raced. Non’s army, human ecological destruction, what does it matter how.

The thought tore through her like acid. This planet will die just like before, came the fruitless and angry thought. We’ll be nothing, in the end. 

It was absurd. It was reality. It was everything she was running from. I couldn’t save Krypton, and I can’t save Earth.

She didn’t hear J’onn before the ambush, but she could feel his punches land. He was far more powerful than any Fort Rozz escapee - she had to put effort in to gain the offense again, fighting for the upper hand as they skid up a skyscraper. Kara landed in the concrete, rising from the ground to stare down a man she once called a friend, ready to start again - when she heard a click and a buzz behind her.

And then everything went black.

[shoyastars]

My 100th Post! 🥳

Ok long story short, I couldn’t get the image of this outta my head!

Soooooo

Ray x GN/ Reader

The proposal of a lifetime.

Yes its something other than my oc x ray, not to mention you guys are probably tired of it by now hehe!

Anyways…

Let’s begin.

————————————————————————————————————————

Ray was always protective of your love and always patient as he could with you, when you were ready to love again, especially after double vision, you weren’t entirely sure what you were getting yourself into. However… one day by someone mysterious, the NAHA’s wrong doings were brought to the public eye and somehow Ray escaped the binds of it all, and the NAHA had to have a rewritten system. Ray got the news that he would only be needed if truly necessary, which was when aliens attacked, it did still annoy him but it was a bit fair due to some of the hero’s still a bit inexperienced with the said situations. However, he was able to not have a chains attached or be bothered, due to the new staff knowing his power, he could possibly destroy everything if they were to try anything. Ray was not free from the governments eyes but was able to have a good once of freedom he’s never had before. He mostly spent it with you. You were his tie to humanity, and if you weren’t here at all he would’ve destroyed humanity at this point…. But he never did. He felt more human more sane, all thanks to you. As he said to you before, you were his binary star.

Soon going on dates without worry and able to spend more time with you as days pass, he realized he wanted more. More than just a simple title as a lover. He had it planned out, a nice picnic somewhere nobody else would interfere and no one to ruin the mood, he wore something special for the occasion even texting you to put on something nice. He flew you out because he was too excited to simply drive. When you both landed you were more skeptical than ever, first the blindfold, then him flying? Something was definitely up with him.

“Ray, what are you planning?”

He let out a soft chuckle as he let you down carefully.

“Wait and see, I picked out a perfect spot just for us.”

He lead you by taking your hands and guiding you. When you both stopped you heard him go behind you and take off your blindfold, due to the darkness your eyes had to adjust to the sunlight a bit.

“Well?”

When you’re eye’s focused, you saw a beautiful site, a lakeside picnic. You were a bit speechless.

“I- I don’t know what to say…”

He walked in front of you and gave you a passionate kiss.

“No need, you’re face expression says it all star.”

“But… why all the way out here?”

You crossed your arms and smiled a bit you knew exactly by now if it’s something worth Ray dressing formally for then he has something up his sleeve.

He smiled and let out a soft laugh.

“I just can’t hide anything from you now a day can I?”

He put his hands in his pockets.

“What If I wanted to enjoy the view?”

You scoffed and turned a bit as you weren’t believing that.

“Hmph! And I thought we agreed not to hide things from each other again.”

Ray saw his chance and took it. He took a deep breath, scared out of his mind.

You were wondering why he was so quiet now.

“Ray?”

“Maybe if you turn around it would be more clear.”

“What?”

When you did, you were met with him on one knee. He took out a small box, you couldn’t believe your eyes. Was this all truly happening or was it all just a dream?

“Star… you’ve changed my life, in ways I’ve never thought it could, depending on it being good or bad for me. You were most important. You made me realize I could be more than what I thought I was.”

Ray opened up the box to reveal a beautiful ring, it wasn’t too flashy or anything outrageous. Your emotions were pouring over at this point, your hands over your mouth, tears practically in your eyes, it was happening. You weren’t dreaming. It was real.

“Would you… like to fulfill a greater purpose for us?”

You couldn’t help but kneel to the ground on both knees, you were so happy, you were questioning why you were crying. Was it the fact you didn’t think you’d find someone like Ray to begin with? Or we’re you so sure you’re villain career would’ve ruined any chance for you to have a happy married life?

Ray starts to worry, his hand shaking as he was going to check on you.

“Star, are you-“

Without warning you hugged him along with a passionate kiss on the lips, Ray couldn’t help but feel both relief and joy. The little box still in hand as he wrapped his arms around you as you kissed, when you pulled away you were still crying tears of happiness laughing as you knew you weren’t dreaming at all, it was all real, he was real, this was real.

“I’m assuming that’s a yes?”

“Yeah haha!”

He took the ring and put it on your ring finger, you couldn’t help but laugh as you saw it fit perfectly, weeeelll actually it was a bit loose but that’s a problem for later.

“Wait… I thought we couldn’t…. Wouldn’t the NAHA?”

“The new head said hero’s personal lives should remain personal. And they knew if they were to try anything on me I’d practically have to deal with them personally.”

“Personally? Wow Ray never thought you’d be that intimidating.”

He shrugs.

“They just realized how much of a problem it would be if they were to make an enemy of me I guess.”

You’d playfully nudge him, causing him to laugh a bit.

At that moment he had so much love for you he wasn’t even worried about what could possibly come next. He knew exactly what he wanted, a future with you. You were his star, and he was willing to take a chance with you, might as well go all the way.

“Now come on, it’s a picnic for a reason, I bet you made the food yourself since this was oh so secret.”

You move over to the blanket set out of you two of you.

Ray smiled as he then goes to join you, enjoying the rest of the day together.

In a world he was brought in, he thought nothing was worth saving, till he saw you petting that cat.

He knew there would be something about you, knowing something about you was bound to change something within him he didn’t know needed to be changed. Or felt….

He felt love

He felt beloved

He felt…. Human.

He was simply… Ray

He forgot he was Binary Star that day.

He was ready for anything now more than ever.

You were ready more than ever to.

Come at you and him, you were ready for it.

Ready to face the world.

Together.

————————————————————————————————————————

The end

————————————————————————————————————————

Please be sure to know this was inspired off of @smxhyphy

Due to the picture!

Without this picture This beautiful scenario would of probably never existed 😩

I hope you all enjoyed! Be sure to support the artist of the commission!

And as always if you want to give me criticism for my writing be sure to put it in the comments!

✨💗Bye!💗✨

[quinloki]

Birthday Request Event v2024

"It's my birthday and I'll write what I want to \o/"

Gift Details ♥ Reader Style: cisfem Character: Rob Lucci Vibe: NSFW Consensual AU: Soul Mates Prompt: Erotically Charged Fight Gift Giver: @jintaka-hane

Summary: You've experienced the worst side of Soul Mates being a reality - your long term relationship had found their soul mate and left you. So you dove into martial arts as a means of distraction.

Lucky (?) for you, it's what causes you to finally meet your soul mate.

Content Notes: canon levels of violence, oral, rough sex, mentions of blood, cream pie,

This birthday party is 18+, consensual unless explicitly stated otherwise, and BYOB

There wasn’t a protocol for this, but even if there was, Lucci wasn’t certain that it would do him any good.

His initial attack failed. Whether by dumb luck, or your own skill, he’d missed. That had become a problem. In this world, with its rules, and his job, he had to eliminate his target with the first strike. Anything less invited a terrible risk, and of all the statistical possibilities, that risk came true with you.

Your eyes were wide with fear as you tumbled away. The way you got back to your feet left him with the distinct and sudden impression that you hadn’t been merely lucky.

Realization marred your beautiful face, as he was sure it was twisting his.

Soul mates.

Lucci hadn’t given the concept much thought. With his job, with his skills, with the blood on his hands, what right did he have to consider something as pure as love? And beyond even that was the very laughable idea of soul mates.

He’d never loved anything save himself, and even that love was cruel.

All of his arrogance, all of his sureness - everything was used for the government. There was nothing of him to be concerned with. Nothing to stop him from doing the tasks required of him, whether it was years under cover, or a few days spent stalking some poor hapless fool.

Looking at the man who had invited himself into your home, you feel a powerful conflict of emotions. How dare he come in uninvited! How dare he mean to kill you!

HOW DARE HE BE YOUR SOUL MATE!

Everyone had one. The curse of this world, as far as you were concerned. Because while everyone had at least one, no one was promised to find theirs. There were no red strings of fate to guide people, no services provided by the government to help you find yours. Nothing but the cold hard truth of it, and nothing to protect you from simply falling in love.

It was your broken heart that had distracted itself by learning how to fight. It was sorrow of a love lost to the very concept of soul mates that you had honed your skills with all the fervor of a desperate monk. That you could dedicate yourself to a love that would never find another damnable soul mate.

That love had saved your life when the chill of death ran up your spine moments earlier and bade you move.

And it saved you for this? For your soul mate?

“You bastard!” You growl, charging at the stunned assassin. You knew he was reeling just like you should be. Whatever state he was in, he didn’t have your rage, and it shook off the powerful desires threatening to crack your bones.

He dodges the strike, but barely. You feel strands of his hair slip through your fingers as you pivot. Shock twists to something akin to confusion on his face, and he bats away another swing. He seems ready to attack you, but his body stutters, and the confusion on his face turns to anger as you lash out again, forcing him to take another step back.

“How?!” He growls, grabbing your wrist at the end of a series of punches. His grip is locked like iron, and you can’t escape it, but somehow it’s still gentle. You understand he could break it easily, but he’s not even trying.

“Why now!” You roar. “Why years too late?! Bastard!” You repeat, stepping in and driving your free hand into his stomach. Whether the words, or the bold movement, something caught him off guard enough to force the air from him.

His grip on your wrist loosens and you pull it free. “You asshole!”

You hear him growl, more like a beast than a man, and as he straightens there’s no more confusion in his eyes. He matches your strikes, knocking your blows aside and dodging your attacks with a fluidity he hadn’t shown in his shocked state. Irritation is written plainly on his handsome face, and anger swells in you again as you start to realize you can’t best him.

Anger, but no fear. You’re not sure why. He tried to kill you - he can kill you! You should be afraid.

Once he sorts out the rhythm of your fighting style, he draws you in. Lucci’s too experienced to be concerned about someone with just a couple years of fighting under their belt, but there’s a strange feeling of pride in his gut. You’re not bad. At the very least your instincts make up for what you lack in skill, and that’s what put you both in this predicament.

Getting both your wrists this time he turns you, folding them behind your back and pinning you roughly against the wall. You try to kick yourself away from it, but he forces your leg to the side and puts his knee right between your thighs, using his height to nearly lift you off the floor.

“Ahhhhnngh ❤️!” Your euphoric cry causes both of you to freeze.

“…”

“The hell was - nnnnnnngh!!” He pressed his knee into your crotch again and you couldn’t supress the jolt that went through you.

“What a pleasant sound.” He leans against you, cheek pressed against your head as he holds you in place. His breath is hot against your ear. “Far better than before.”

He pulls you up enough to tease his lips against your neck, making you shiver and moan softly. Letting go of your wrists he puts his hands on the wall on either side of you, keeping you effectively pinned.

You have enough space to turn and face him, and maybe it’s a mistake to do so.

Grabbing the collar of his shirt you pull him in, or he allows you to, or you will him to allow you. Who cares, his lips against yours are a flood of pleasure and heat. You don’t let yourself think about it, about everything leading up to this. The rollercoaster of emotions was too much and you let your desires guide you.

He pulls his shirt off when your hands tug it up. The shift of his muscles, the lines of scars, the deep ink of tattoos, everything was known to you, and everything left you wanting more. You pulled at his belt as he tossed the shirt aside. He interrupts your attempts, pulling your shirt off and tossing it aside.

Your clothing is barely shed enough to be out of the way. He pulls you into another kiss, unhooking your bra and leaving you to take it off as he yanks his troublesome belt free.

The metallic clatter barely registers. Heavy, heated kisses are trailing down your stomach as he crouches down in front of you. You weave your fingers through his hair while he tugs your pants down and away. One leg, and then the other, he hooks your thighs with his arms and lifts you easily, pressing your back into wall as his mouth dives into your pussy.

Your fingers tighten in his hair and you cry out into the air. Trapped between him and the wall there’s no escaping the demanding man between your thighs. Heavy searching licks note every sound and twitch and it only takes him a couple minutes to have you shivering from his actions.

His tongue’s buried in your pussy and you don’t even know his name yet.

Holding onto his hair you push yourself into his face as your pleasure crests. There’s no reason to hold back, and he laps up every second of your messy pleasure. Sharp eyes cut through your hazy gaze and he brings you down slowly, keeping your ankles at his shoulders as the tip of his hard, thick cock pushes against your dripping hole.

“Say it,” he commands, pressing against you. He’s desperate and half mad, but he seems to be holding back as much as he can.

You shift, looking at the beast between your thighs before looking back up at him. “Please.”

He pushes in, just the tip, and you moan, hands against the back of his neck. “Lucci,” he says, and you gasp, groaning as he pulls back out.

You don’t have to be soul mates to know what he wants.

“Please, Lucci,” you mean to say more, but apparently all he wanted on your lips was his name. Pushing into you he devours your gasp of pleasure, kissing you deeply. Hands gripping your ass, he holds you steady as he  takes you, barely giving you time to breathe or think.

Heavy thrusts, rough husky gasps falling from his lips that crash into your skin, hot and deep as the cock threatening to split you in half. There’s little more than pleasure in the harsh treatment, the pressure of the wall against your skin is a dull, useless ache you can’t be bothered to recognize. The sting of sharp nails digging into your ass as he fucks you against the wall are ticklish compared to the dizzying heat of his hungry and demanding kisses.

Lucci nearly bites into your neck when he finally releases your lips. You’re sure the frantic hold you have on him is trickling blood down his back, as the second orgasm slams into you. Every brush of his skin against yours feels amazing, every brush of his breath against your sweaty skin has you nearly crying for relief. Your orgasm causes his, and you can feel him twitching deep inside you, pressing you shakily against the wall as a few final, wet thrusts leak your combined pleasure down the curve of your ass and onto the floor.

Soul mates.

You collapse into a pile of bones and exhaustion on the floor when he pulls out of you and eases you down. You regard one another in the haze of the sweetest afterglow you’ve ever known, and you wonder idly which is stronger.

This new bond?

Or his devotion to the government?

[sixtynineinchnails]

I've been wanting to make this post for months and in light of the recent ex-presidential ear piercing now seems as good a time as any.

As a non-usamerican, as someone who is pro Palestine, as an anarchist: I am begging you with every fibre of my being to go to the fucking polls this fall and

VOTE.

Disclaimer: I don't live in the united states and I never have and I probably never will. I can never truly understand what it's like to be a usamerican and I'm not going to pretend like i could. I fully expect to get called a fascist or some shit for saying your should exercise your right to vote but at this point I don't care. I'm scared, we're all scared, and news like we've just gotten tonight is only going to compound the fear and chaos and conspiracy thought and fearmongering and hopelesspilled doomerism we’re all dealing with rn. I don’t want to make anyone’s day worse. I'm not looking to debate you. I just want to say some things that i’ve been thinking about for a long time now while a couple people might actually stop to listen.

The united states of america is the most powerful country in the world.

What happens in the united states government this fall will affect every single person on the planet, in some way, for better or worse.

You aren't just voting blue to avoid trump turning the united states into an alt-right theocratic dictatorship (which on its own is bad enough). You're also voting to avoid the right from gaining power (where they haven't already) in of other powerful democratic countries. You're voting to stop Palestine (and let’s be real, probably a handful of other places) from being wiped off the face of the planet with nuclear bombs. You're potentially voting to avoid a third world war. I'm not saying this to spread fear of these things happening. I'm saying this because if you're not already aware of how huge the scope is here: you're not voting to save your country, you're very likely voting to save the entire world.

I can't speak to how people feel everywhere (if you’re also a non-usamerican please feel free to share how this is/has/will affect your country in the notes) but I want to speak to my own for a bit. I can confidently say that what happens in america heavily affects the political and social situation here in canada. We would not have had a convoy of thousands of people drive across the country (which takes days to do) to occupy our capital city for a month and halt almost $4 billion in trade to protest, i kid you not, wearing a mask during covid, if trump supporters hadn't paved the way (and directly influenced canadians to follow in their footsteps). We wouldn't have had "concerned parents" protesting against sex-ed and LGBTQ+ inclusivity in schools (protests full of armed+mounted police which they brought their young children to during school hours) if trump supporters hadn't paved the way. There are people waving flags and signs around on street corners along major roads every single week everywhere from the largest city in our country to small towns of under 5000 people. I’ve heard of people who’ve spiraled into such severe conspiracy rabbitholes that their entire lives and personalities have changed in just a few years. Despite being canadian nationalists, these people and their patterns of behaviour are all a direct result of donald j trump and his followers. And no matter your political leaning, pretty much everyone hates our current prime minister, our economy is bad, even people with decent incomes can’t afford to eat, and everyone is frothing at the mouth for something to happen. If america votes trump this fall, I see very little hope that our country won't vote conservative (our main right-wing party). They will backpedal decades of LGBTQ+ rights and Indigenous peoples' rights and climate action funding and children's education and a whole pile of other important stuff. They have made it very clear that they will follow the exact same path as right wing america and there are a scary amount of people here who want that. And even if canada remains centre/left while sharing the largest land border in the world with a trump dictatorship....well I for one can’t see that going over very well either.

And that's just my country. I know a lot of other countries have been battling a similar spike in alt-right groups and conservative ideologies following the last trump presidency. I don't think any of us are truly prepared for what will happen in the event of another one.

Look. I hate biden too. In general I disagree with the very concept of colonial government and money and the division of countries/states/etc and the legal/carceral system and a whole whack of other shit that we have to live with right now. Someone’s said this before but if any of us thought that telling you guys to blow up a walmart would save your country from a fascist dictatorship I for one would encourage it. But none of us are actually going to blow up a walmart, and it wouldn’t solve anything at this point anyways. We all have to take action in whatever ways we actually can and will. Voting is one of many small, simple steps you can take, should take, fucking better be taking. It’s easy, it’s legal, if you mail in you don’t even have to go to the polling station, and if you really can’t vote for whatever reason, encourage everyone you know who can to do so. Hell, if I could vote on november 5th I would crawl my ass over the border on my hands and knees to do it. I'm sorry that the two options are a fascist police state and an even worse fascist police state run by a man who thinks he's a god, but not voting won't fix that problem. You're not going to establish a revolution by purposefully not taking part in social change, and encouraging others not to either. Not voting against trump = voting for trump. If you don't vote and that orange nukefucker takes over your country it is your fault. And we’re all going to pay for your inaction, especially the people in places like Palestine who will be in significantly more danger than they already are if trump gets his fake tanned hands on the situation.

Anyways. Keep fighting. Stay safe. Do what you can. Don't give up. There is always hope for a better future. And for fucks sake go vote.

Oh and if we do end up in the worst timeline this november and I see you anti-voting fuckers making "lmao time to move to canada" jokes...count your fucking days.

-

TLDR: usamerica is not the only place in the world affected by the actions of usamerica. If you’re still railing against voting at this point you’re pro-trump lmao.

[maydays-medbay]

I want to be so real with you all right now, because I can’t seem to get my head on straight when I desperately need to.

I know this is a silly little fandom blog where I post about my characters and have a laugh with my mutuals, but recently I’ve been so burnt out over this that I’ve lost the want to make anything. I don’t have the mental willpower or energy to make anything.

KOSA scares me. Genuinely. I can’t tell you a time in my life where I’ve ever felt more scared and angry and upset over something so genuinely horrible.

I haven’t been able to sleep since learning of its recent resurgence and now upcoming voting in the Senate. I feel sick every time I stop doing things to distract me because of how much grief this bill brings.

If this bill passes, I genuinely don’t know what I’m going to do. As a queer transgender man, this bill not only makes me afraid of what’s going to happen to everything I’ve built, but it makes me fear over my safety and all of the things I love about the internet.

This bill will ruin all of those things. Censorship on this magnitude is abhorrent and gross, and I’m tired of the government trying to control the things they don’t like under the guise of protecting children. Especially when a bill like this is going to end up fucking over countless minors and adults alike.

If a minor lives in an unsafe home, their resources for getting out of it will be stripped away because of how the bill goes about censoring media. If a queer minor is trying to find LGBTQ+ resources, this bill won’t let them because that information is going to be protected behind safeguards and other censorship methods based on “preserving mental health”. All under the guise of “protecting” them.

Protecting children is important. This? This is not the way to do it. Period.

Putting our information on the internet to verify that we’re adults- personal, identifying information- is incredibly, incredibly dangerous. Information privacy and anonymity have always been very, very important to me. This strips that all away.

I feel safe when I can be more private online. I feel safe being able to talk to people without my private information being submitted to their databases.

This makes my already rampant paranoia worse. This makes me afraid of my personal information ending up on some insecure database that’s ripe for the taking for those with malicious intent.

Fuck this bill, and fuck anyone who supports it. I’m tired of this bill making me feel unsafe, paranoid, vulnerable, and overwhelmingly scared. I just want to live my life normally.

I’m tired of constantly agonizing over the next time when children or LGBTQIA+ people are going to be political scapegoats. I hate living like this.

Stop KOSA. Please. From the bottom of my heart, I want this bill stopped.

Please. If you can, call your reps and lawmakers- tell them that you don’t want this bill to pass. Even if you’re not from the US, you can help. Below I’ve put in a link to Stop KOSA’s website where you can email/call your lawmakers and let them know how much you hate this bill. And if you can’t do that for some reason, or you already have, please spread the word and let other people know about this bill and how to stop it.

And remember, even if KOSA passes in the senate, we can halt it in its tracks when it reaches the house. So please. Don’t stop fighting, and STOP KOSA!

(Also, feel free to reblog and add any other information you can to this post to spread the word about this bill and/or provide more resources to combat it. Every email, Call, and other way to inform lawmakers of your opinion helps. There’s a reason we stopped KOSA the first two times. We can do it again.)

[punisheddonjuan]

Goddamn this is a good essay, and it's grappling with a question that's been on my mind frequently since Oct. 7th: what the fuck is wrong with Israelis?

[...]In Israel, where a majority opposes a ceasefire and supports starving Gaza, this content is, on the whole, incredibly well-received. It offers the folks back home an image of fortified dominance, the illusion of control. In March 2024, the liberal Zionist daily Haaretz detailed, in a report titled, “We’re Not Only Here to Fuck Hamas,” how battlefield imagery has flooded online dating profiles in Israel. Beyond its sexual currency, this content, like the torture of Palestinians aired on mainstream Israeli television, functions as entertainment. Telegram channels sharing graphic images of dead or dying Palestinians—and foreign aid workers—have amassed hundreds of thousands of subscribers. The image of the shrunken corpse of a nine-year-old Palestinian boy with cerebral palsy, starved to death by Israel, appeared on one feed as part of a movie poster that included the boy’s severely cachectic face alongside a picture of E.T. in his bicycle basket, riding into the night sky. The film would be called, “A.H.M.E.T.” The boy’s actual name was Yazan; his mother called him Yazouna.

[...] The pervasive sadism cannot be explained away as the behavior of soldiers at war, adapted to the needs of a new generation whose social media-addiction compels them to document their cruelty. The tendencies to revel and deny coexist, not just within the population but within the same person. Near the border with Egypt, a settler, there to block humanitarian aid from entering Gaza, tells a journalist that (a) the Palestinians are not starving, and (b) they will continue to receive no food (i.e. starve) until the hostages are released. These justifications are not for him; he throws them at a wall, and the listener is free to see what sticks. People ask what’s wrong with the Israelis because, I suspect, they find the depravity difficult to believe, let alone comprehend. Attempts to ascribe motive are met with visceral revulsion, an affront to something fundamental and big, like morality. I wonder how a person gets here. And I know our responsibility is not to find a way to psychologically accommodate it, but rather to work to stop it. Still, with every snuff video I find myself back at that same question. In strictly political terms I can appreciate the clarity it allows. Watching these soldiers, I do not feel concern, or anything at all, for them. Instead, the feeling is that of looking at a person, and where you expect recognition you find its inverse—a stunned alienation.

The cruelty itself, on display in videos like the one taken from the vantage point of Israeli soldiers driving their tank over the “I Love Gaza” sign (that greets visitors entering Gaza through the Rafah crossing), is somehow less disturbing than that it is presented with naked glee—no trace of the sober air that marks a person “doing what needs to be done” or an awareness that the rest of the world might not welcome overt, genocidal sadism as enthusiastically as the average Israeli. It’s like they can’t see us seeing them. Or maybe they don’t care. Attempts to explain Israeli behavior often reach for the biomedical. Surely this cannot be willed, they think, and so it must be pathological. In medicine, when a patient is unable to grasp their condition—as when a person experiencing hallucinations does not recognize them as such—we say they lack insight. Because we encounter the Israelis’ smug cruelty most acutely through individuals—be they government officials, soldiers, or formerly-known-as-Twitter warriors—it is easy to perceive it as an individuated “settler psychosis.” Psychosis replaces politics and history; it obscures how societies arrive at ideologies, reinforce and transmit them over time; and how dehumanization is preceded, constructed, and justified, so that it can be rendered with intention.

[...]

To sustain the Zionist project, the Machiavellian clarity common among Zionist leadership required ideological integration into the population. Among the more idealist kibbutzim members who’d arrived to cultivate the land in the 1940s and construct a socialist utopia, some struggled to reconcile their politics with the reality they were recruited to establish. My grandfather’s village Salha (spelled Saliha by the British and their colonial inheritors) was settled in 1949, soon after it had been ethnically cleansed through a massacre that killed an eleventh of its inhabitants and drove the rest to Lebanon, after which they were barred return and shot at if they attempted to. Part of the land was renamed Avivim; the rest, Yi’ron. A member of kibbutz Yi’ron wrote in the second issue of their newsletter: "The facts are that men, women, old people and babies were murdered, villages were destroyed and burned, without justification. . . . There will only be atonement when those guilty of murder will be judged and when the houses and lands of the people of Saliha will be returned to them . . . but who but us, sitting upon skulls and ruins and eating from the “abandoned land,” who but us knows that none of this will ever come to pass? . . . What a horrific contradiction! We, who “uphold brotherhood of nations and faith in man,” will we be silent and will try to find atonement for that great crime, in ourselves?" While this moral dilemma was by no means common—none of the issues he raised were revisited in subsequent newsletters—that it was raised at all suggests the settlers knew. Of course they knew...

[...]

Looking at Israelis looking at Palestinians, it is easier to imagine they cannot see than to consider what it means for them to know. We psychologize, in some ways, to avoid having to. Settler psychosis, sick society, these people are not in their right minds—these are descriptive terms that reflect our inability to make sense, within a particular ethical or moral frame, of what we see; they do not interrogate etiology. The illness, given its prevalence, must be colonization: through contagion or side effect, the brutality of colonialism folds back on the colonizer. The occupation exacts a price on its enforcers. Missing is historical time, through which we see that the problem starts with the decision to colonize. A post on X, by a doctor, advises us to avoid “dehumanizing” Israelis. She suggests we instead consider their behavior to reflect a complex trauma response to entrapment in cyclical violence. But alienation is only possible because we already perceive the actor as a human being. The language of illness confuses morality with mental status and diffuses blame. It erases volition, without which there is neither escape nor responsibility. Understanding Zionism as a product and function of people does not quite show us the door. That is why, I think, the world met the actions of Aaron Bushnell, the active-duty U.S. Air Force member who lit himself on fire outside the Israeli embassy in D.C., with something like a burst of recognition: under the snarled weight of seemingly inescapable structural pull, here was a person stepping forward, disentangling their agency at a cost exaggerated to try to map the gravity of refusing to do so. The last time an Israeli self-immolated for geopolitical reasons was in 2005, in protest of the “evacuation” order from Gaza. One cannot erase what they do not see. Ari Shavit’s great-grandfather knew, Lord Balfour knew, Ben Gurion knew, the people in the kibbutzim knew, and every soldier in Gaza knows. And the people back home, they know too. In the years since 1917 or 1948 or 1982, Zionism has become increasingly difficult to maintain, and requires a certain insularity—sustained by the United States—that appears, if rooted in a less curated selection of facts and causal links, like insanity. For Israelis, this is self-preservation. Peering into the Zionist project, what we see is what Zionism requires.

I've cut out large chunks there in the middle, please go and read the full article on The Baffler website, it's fantastic.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The IRS will do your taxes for you (if that's what you prefer)

This Saturday (May 20), I’ll be at the GAITHERSBURG Book Festival with my novel Red Team Blues; then on May 22, I’m keynoting Public Knowledge’s Emerging Tech conference in DC.

On May 23, I’ll be in TORONTO for a book launch that’s part of WEPFest, a benefit for the West End Phoenix, onstage with Dave Bidini (The Rheostatics), Ron Diebert (Citizen Lab) and the whistleblower Dr Nancy Olivieri.

America is a world leader in allowing private companies to levy taxes on its citizens, including (stay with me here), a tax on paying your taxes.

In most of the world, the tax authorities prepare a return for each taxpayer, sending them a prepopulated form with all their tax details — collected from employers and other regulated entities, like pension funds and commodities brokers, who must report income to the tax office. If the form is correct, the taxpayer signs it and sends it back (in some countries, taxpayers don’t even have to do that — they just ignore the return unless they want to amend it).

No one has to use this system, of course. If you have complex finances, or cash income that doesn’t show up in mandatory reporting, or if you’d just prefer to prepare your own return or pay an accountant to do so for you, you can. But for the majority of people, those with income from a job or a pension, and predictable deductions, say, from caring for minor children, filing your annual tax return takes between zero and five minutes and costs absolutely nothing.

Not so in America. America is one of the very few rich countries (including Canada, though this is changing), where the government won’t just send you a form containing all the information it already has, ready to file. As is common in complex societies, America has a complex tax code (further complexified by deliberate obfuscation by billionaires and their lickspittle Congressjerks, who deliberately perforate the tax code with loopholes for the ultra-rich):

https://pluralistic.net/2021/08/11/the-canada-variant/#shitty-man-of-history-theory

That complexity means that most of us can’t figure out how to file our own taxes, at least not without committing scarce hours out of the only life we will ever have to poring over the ramified and obscure maze of tax-law.

Why doesn’t the IRS just send you a tax-return? Well, because the tax-prep industry — an oligopoly dominated by a handful of massive, ultra-profitable firms — bribes Congress (that is, “lobbies”) to prohibit this. They are aided in this endeavor by swivel-eyed lunatic anti-tax obsessives, like Grover Nordquist and Americans for Tax Reform, who argue that paying taxes should be as difficult and painful as possible in order to foment opposition to taxation itself.

The tax-prep industry is dominated by a single firm, Intuit, who took over tax-prep through its anticompetitive acquisition of TurboTax, itself a chimera of multiple companies gobbled up in a decades-long merger orgy. Inuit is a freaky company. For decades, its defining CEO Brad Smith ran the company as a cult of personality organized around his trite sayings, like “Do whatever makes your heart beat fastest,” stenciled on t-shirts worn by employees. Other employees donned Brad Smith masks for selfies with their Beloved Leader.

Smith’s cult also spent decades lobbying to keep the IRS from offering a free filing service. Instead, Intuit joined a cartel that offered a “Free File” service to some low- and medium-income Americans:

https://www.propublica.org/article/inside-turbotax-20-year-fight-to-stop-americans-from-filing-their-taxes-for-free

But the cartel sabotaged Free File from the start. They blocked search engines from indexing their Free File services, then bought Google ads for “free file” that directed searchers to soundalike programs (“Free Filing,” etc) that hit them for hundreds of dollars in tax-prep fees. They also funneled users to versions of Free File they were ineligible for, a fact that was only revealed after the user spent hours painstaking entering their financial information, whereupon they would be told that they could either start over or pay hundreds of dollars to finish filing with a commercial product.

Intuit also pioneered the use of binding arbitration waivers that stripped its victims of the right to sue the company after it defrauded them. This tactic blew up in Intuit’s face after its victims banded together to mass-file thousands of arbitration claims, sending the company to court to argue that binding arbitration wasn’t enforceable after all:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/24/uber-for-arbitration/#nibbled-to-death-by-ducks

But justice eventually caught up with Intuit. After a series of stinging exposes by Propublica journalists Justin Elliot, Paul Kiel and others, NY Attorney General Letitia James led a coalition of AGs from all 50 states and DC that extracted a $141m settlement for 4.4 million Americans who had been tricked into paying for Turbotax services they were entitled to get for free:

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/turbotax-to-begin-payouts-after-it-cheated-customers-new-york-ag-says/ar-AA1aNXfi

Fines are one thing, but the only way to comprehensively end the predatory tax-prep scam is to bring the USA kicking and screaming into the 20th century, when most of the rest of the world brought in free tax-prep for ordinary income earners. That’s just what’s happening: the IRS is trialing a free tax prep service for next year’s tax season:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/05/15/irs-free-file/

This, despite Intuit’s all-out blitz attack on Congress and the IRS to keep free tax-prep from ever reaching the American people:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/20/turbotaxed/#counter-intuit

That charm offensive didn’t stop the IRS from releasing a banger of a report that made it clear that free tax-prep was the most efficient, humane and cost-effective way to manage an advanced tax-system (something the rest of the world has known for decades):

https://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p5788.pdf

Of course, Intuit is furious, as in spitting feathers. Rick Heineman, Intuit’s spokesprofiteer, told KQED that “A direct-to-IRS e-file system is wholly redundant and is nothing more than a solution in search of a problem. That solution will unnecessarily cost taxpayers billions of dollars and especially harm the most vulnerable Americans.”

https://www.kqed.org/news/11949746/the-irs-is-building-its-own-online-tax-filing-system-tax-prep-companies-arent-happy

Despite Upton Sinclair’s advice that “it is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends on his not understanding it,” I will now attempt to try to explain to Heineman why he is unfuckingbelievably, eye-wateringly wrong.

“e-file…is wholly redundant”: Well, no, Rick, it’s not redundant, because there is no existing Free File system except for the one your corrupt employer made and hid “in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard.’”

“nothing more than a solution in search of a problem”: The problem this solves is that Americans have to pay Intuit billions to pay their taxes. It’s a tax on paying taxes. That is a problem.

“unnecessarily cost taxpayers billions of dollars”: No, it will save taxpayers the billions of dollars (they pay you).

“harm the most vulnerable Americans”: Here is an area where Heineman can speak with authority, because few companies have more experience harming vulnerable Americans.

Take the Child Tax Credit. This is the most successful social program in living memory, a single initiative that did more to lift American children out of poverty than any other since the days of the Great Society. It turns out that giving poor people money makes them less poor, which is weird, because neoliberal economists have spent decades assuring us that this is not the case:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/16/mortgages-are-rent-control/#housing-is-a-human-right-not-an-asset

But the Child Tax Credit has been systematically sabotaged, by Intuit lobbyists, who successfully added layer after layer of red tape — needless complexity that makes it nearly impossible to claim the credit without expert help — from the likes of Intuit:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/29/three-times-is-enemy-action/#ctc

It worked. As Ryan Cooper writes in The American Prospect: “between 13 and 22 percent of EITC benefits are gulped down by tax prep companies”:

https://prospect.org/economy/2023-05-17-irs-takes-welcome-step-20th-century/

So yes, I will defer to Rick Heineman and his employer Intuit on the subject of “harming the most vulnerable Americans.” After all, they’re the experts. National champions, even.

Now I want to address the peply guys who are vibrating with excitement to tell me about their 1099 income, the cash money they get from their lemonade stand, the weird flow of krugerrands their relatives in South African FedEx to them twice a year, etc, that means that free file won’t work for them because the IRS doesn’t actually understand their finances.

That’s a hard problem, all right. Luckily, there is a very simple answer for this: use a tax-prep service.

Actually, it’s not a hard problem. Just use a tax-prep service. That’s it. No one is going to force you to use the IRS’s free e-file. All you need to do to avoid the socialist nightmare of (checks notes) living with less red-tape is: continue to do exactly what you’re already doing.

Same goes for those of you who have a beloved family accountant you’ve used since the Eisenhower administration. All you need to do to continue to enjoy the advice of that trusted advisor is…nothing. That’s it. Simply don’t change anything.

One final note, addressing the people who are worried that the IRS will cheat innocent taxpayers by not giving them all the benefits they’re entitled to. Allow me here to simply tap the sign that says “between 13 and 22 percent of EITC benefits are gulped down by tax prep companies.” In other words, when you fret about taxpayers being ripped off, you’re thinking of Intuit, not the IRS. Just calm down. Why not try using fluoridated toothpaste? You’ll feel better, and I promise I won’t tell your friends at the Gadsen Flag appreciation society.

Your secret is safe with me.

Catch me on tour with Red Team Blues in Toronto, DC, Gaithersburg, Oxford, Hay, Manchester, Nottingham, London, and Berlin!

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this thread to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/17/free-as-in-freefile/#tell-me-something-i-dont-know

[Image ID: A vintage drawing of Uncle Sam toasting with a glass of Champagne, superimposed over an IRS 1040 form that has been fuzzed into a distorted halftone pattern.]

[stranger-rants]

You don’t think it’s possible for someone to support Israel because they are Jewish and have a strong ethnic and personal connection to that region (his bar mitzvah was literally in Israel) without actively being full of hatred towards Palestinians? There’s this narrative going around that Noah is somehow this deeply psychotic and racist person who wants Palestinian children to be exterminated, but isn’t it far more likely that he’s just deeply connected to his culture, fearful of the rise in antisemitism, and sad about 10/7? He condemned Hamas, a terrorist org. He never said anything about hating Palestinians.

Btw I personally support Palestine and agree that Israel has gone too far in its actions. I just don’t demonize everyone on the other side which is apparently a controversial position to take

I think that ongoing support of Israel as a settler colonial state hinges on the apartheid and genocide of the Palestinian people. Noah “Zionism is sexy” Schnapp is racist as is anyone who supports Zionism because it is a racist ideology. The establishment of any nation should not require the dispossession of land and resources of an entire group of people, but that’s what Zionism does.

Israel is no different than any other settler colonial state. Noah is not more or less ethnically tied to that land than I am to America. As a person raised within a setter colonial state, I could recognize the power and privilege I have to be able to live here or I could buy into a radical ideology based on the idea that I’m inherently superior to the indigenous people here and thus I deserve this land more.

Noah Schnapp has explicitly sided with Zionism. I don’t give a single flying fuck if he has been to Israel or he had his Bar Mitzvah in Israel. There are indigenous Palestinians who can’t return to their land because of Zionism. I’ve lived here in America my whole life. My immediate family is here. That doesn’t change the violent racist history of this place.

I didn’t call him psychotic. I didn’t demonize him. I am speaking in plain and simple English here - Noah is a Zionist. Zionism is a racist ideology. Israel as a settler colonial state that is younger than my grandparents has been displacing, imprisoning, torturing, and killing the indigenous people of that land for decades on the basis that they have a right to build an ethnostate on said land.

Stop conflating Jews and Judaism with Israel. Stop conflating Jews and Judaism with Zionism. Stop using the fear of antisemitism as a rhetorical device to excuse Zionist propaganda. There are many Jews sacrificing their safety to condemn Israel. There are many Jews who have suffered because of Israel.

Israel does not represent Jews or Judaism. It is a violent settler colonial state supported by other violent settler colonial states. Jewish safety and freedom shouldn’t hinge on apartheid and genocide. That’s not true safety or freedom. The only way forward is to free the Palestinian people. Stop the genocide. End the apartheid. Build a state based on equity for all, not just some.

This isn’t a religious conflict. This is a genocide and you can either support the oppressor or the oppressed. He chose the side of the oppressor. You’re not stating a controversial opinion by arguing in his favor, for him arguing in Israel’s favor. The U.S. government argues in Israel’s favor regularly, providing billions in weapons. We all see the consequences of that.

I will remain angry with him as is my right.

[punkzines]

TFP SOUNDWAVE X READER SHORT

reader just loves aliens.kinda.

a/n: let me just say this has been sitting in my drafts for like months…i might make this into mult. chapters…

In a moment of fear you had tried to escape, free yourself from the tight grasp of a tentacle-like cord that made itself oddly comfortable around your waist. It was mad, the whole situation seemed unreal.

But it was real.

How much you wish it wasn’t.

You couldn’t believe you were planning on doing something so reckless, so foolish. But it had to be done. There were too many rumors, too many sightings— consequences and conspiracies. You needed to do something, find out the truth.

You were a simple being, driven by curiosity and the thirst of knowledge. Knowledge wasn’t something you obtained easily though, as you were a low income student going to a local community college: Jasper, Nervada College. You had limited resources, oftentimes your power or internet ran out. But that was the reason why you went out. And why you are doing what you’re doing.

As of recent years, many people have reported sightings of UFO’s lurking around Jasper, Nevada. At first, you couldn’t consider the possibility. It was absurd, what would aliens want to do with Earth out of all the other planets that are so much better? But then— power outages, numerous reports— videos and photos that couldn’t be explained, and seemed too real to be edited, brought you a certain type of thrill you just simply couldn’t ignore.

So, you did what anyone would do, you’ve spent the last two years researching, and investigating. Looking around sites strangely suddenly closed by the government, staying up late because what alien wouldn’t wander around the night where they couldn’t be spotted? You collected newspapers, anything that would help. You admit, you never really found any evidence. There were times you thought you saw something strange at a car garage, some tall dark figure far away from a cliff, everything was so close yet you never actually got anywhere. Dead ends were becoming so common.

The drought of information made you consider giving up— what was the point? If there really were aliens, what could you hope to ever do with that information? Would you expose them? Profit off of them? You were in debt. But like always, the thoughts holding you back were the ones that brought you a step forward. You don’t know how they did it but they did. You were just magical like that.

For the past 6 months you’ve been contemplating on sneaking into an old, unused military base(you don't recall why it was abandoned, but maybe it was something you could now find out!) It was the dumbest yet smartest thing you’ve thought about doing. You planned on using your skills and gathering any information you could. Anything, who knows, maybe your tech skills would’ve been useful. You were at risk of being found out, jailed, but you were certain the place wasn’t used anymore— you’ve been watching it for some time already after getting off from college and work. You also had nothing to lose.

But of course, life ends up biting you in the ass. The fucking alien had to come to the same place as you did AND at the same time.

The tall metallic soulless creature brings you up rather quickly (giving you a scary view of its entire body) to its head— or what you assume is its head— and simply stares at you. Your head is spinning, things are happening too quick, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Compared to your heavy breathing, you’re not even sure you can sense it breathing.

“Let me go!” The demand practically goes unheard, as the robot creature does not stop its actions, but instead a purple light passes up and down your body, much like a scanner. You can’t let that stop your struggles.

You trashed around the grasp, elbowing, punching, anything to set you free. It was futile- escaping from the grasp, you knew it, yet you still tried. Briefly, you see some type of statistical analysis, if that’s what you could even call it— written in some type of strange code you’ve never seen before until you spot something familiar— your face.

You paused your attempts, body going still stricken with a deep feeling of dread. “What are you doing?” You asked, voice breaking down in fear. Was it information about you? Was it going to send it to someone? What if all this time you’ve been wrong and you’ve just stepped into some military government trap? This couldn’t be…

The screen goes blank. Your heart sinks as you see your reflection on the screen. You two were the only ones in this dark room, but the silence was so strong, it felt as if there was a third presence.

You couldn’t breathe— you were going to die. You really didn’t want to jump into conclusions so quickly, but if this robot was what you’ve been trying to prove was here on Earth… you were certain your death would be coming any second now.

Just as you thought of your goodbyes to the world and anyone who had been remotely kind to you, the cord around your waist starts to make its grasp harder on your waist, knocking out any air. It hurt.

In instinct you suck in your stomach but it does not alleviate the pain. Crying out in pain you try to escape the grasp, however the pain makes it hard to do so. You wanted this to be over— “If you’re going to kill me, at least make it painless-” You choke out, but are cut short when another cord hrabs your face harshly— gripping it tightly.

Your vision is gone, and your senses heightened. Why is this happening to me?You move your hands from the cord on your waist to the one on your face, trying to remove it.

It was getting harder to breathe, you figure from the lack of oxygen you're getting. Punching the cord wasn’t working, it hasn’t been. You were trapped.

Your body betrays you as your heartbeat begins to slow down, your eyes start growing heavy. Your hands fall from the cord connected to your face as you go limp.

[oofskiesis]

Celebrating Pride in a Time of Genocide

it’s finally pride month of 2024 in the US!! but there is a lot of things going on in the world right now so i wanted to say some things because i think they should be said 🤷‍♂️

heartbreaking things are happening in the world right now. genocides our government is funding are happening in Palestine, Sudan, and Congo. and we need to keep talking and thinking about these people. they deserve to live and what is happening is disgusting.

but recently, i’ve noticed a trend (at least in my circles) of queer people feeling ashamed or guilty about celebrating pride in the midst of these horrific events. and that is a completely valid feeling, if you pause celebrations in honor of those suffering that is so beautiful and you keep doing that. but also don’t feel bad if you continue to celebrate.

pride at its core isn’t a celebration in terms of “yippee all the bad stuff is over now, let’s get smashed in public!!” because all the bad stuff isn’t over, trans lives are being threatened more and more every day, homophobia still runs rampant, even within our own communities discriminatory actions are prevalent. but in a way that’s what pride is for. at its core pride is about hope for a better future, a future where we can be out and proud, every single one of us. it’s a month where we can pretend like we are all one big queer happy family.

but this years pride is going to and should look a little different. make room for the queer Palestinians that can’t celebrate anymore, make room for the lives they could have led if not cut short by greed and hatred. don’t stop talking about Palestine, Congo, or Sudan. but don’t stop celebrating queerness either. pride is about ending hatred, something that the entire world needs right now.

so go to protests in support of Palestine, and do so with your LGBTQ+ flag on your cheek and your favorite pair of rainbow socks. go to pride parades with a ‘free Palestine 🇵🇸’ shirt on and give some of the money you would’ve spent on some rainbow washed corporations pride merch to a family in need in Gaza.

and do it all with Pride!

Happy Pride Month!!

[deonideatta]

Twilight realizes his feelings

Hello, thanks for the ask! Took a while but I finally got to it lol. Was fun to write, hope you enjoy it!!!

-------------

He feels nothing for her.

Nothing lovers usually feel for each other, at least. Of course, he respects her. Her insight has been crucial to the smooth operation of the Forger family, pulling him back from irrational spirals more than once.

And he admires her. How could he not? The way she cares lingers in Anya’s grins and cheery shouts for her mama, in the warmth that welcomes him home in the evenings, in cups of caffeine-free coffee and gentle smiles that linger in his mind. It throws him sometimes, how much kindness she pours into this little family formed on pretenses.

But over time, he’s come to expect the unexpected from her. None of his pages of analysis can pin down her entirety, no manipulation or carefully planned flowchart can fully bend her to its will. Just when he thinks he’s understood her she blindsides him, throwing all his well laid plans into disarray. It’s intriguing in ways he can’t afford to delve into, as much as he finds he wants to.

Because he feels nothing for her - nothing that should make him want her to trust him with the intricacies of what makes her who she is, at least. He isn’t really her husband, after all. And one day, when Loid Forger has served his purpose and all this is over, she'll find someone out there who will love her truthfully and openly. Someone she can love back and happily share her life with. The thought should not feel like ice in his chest.

Because she doesn’t feel for him either, not in any of the ways a wife should feel for her husband, not in the way he sometimes wishes someone would when the thought of spending the rest of his life in an endless cycle of discarded identities weighs on him a little too much. Solitude is an inevitability. He tells himself he’s fine with that.

She doesn’t know him, anyway. Not him as he really is, beneath the facades that make up his legend, beneath the false emotions and the vulnerability that he’s not sure is quite so false anymore.

It shouldn’t matter, since he feels nothing for her. But this nothing sets a rhythm going in his chest when they’re close, and dusts his cheeks with colour when she stops to fix his tie after adjusting Anya’s uniform at the door.

He’s forced to confront that ‘nothing’ when one evening takes them too close to the edge. His smiles are too soft, and the look in her eyes is too tender, and he struggles to confine all the feelings he shouldn’t feel in the container of nothing where he needs them to stay.

And then she kisses him, and his mind goes terribly blank, devoid of all the reasoning that would - should - give him the strength to pull away. There’s no pretense to the way he reaches out to cup her face, shifting to better kiss her back.

She sighs against him, and he really should stop, and save them both the hurt this will inevitably bring. There's nothing left of himself to give her, barely a shadow of a man hiding behind layers and layers of lies.

Restraint prevails, and he manages to pull away, averting his eyes so as not to see whatever her reaction is. She goes still in front of him, face turned towards him.

He forces himself to meet her gaze. She's looking up at him like she's seeing him for the first time. It's an oddly understanding look, a gleam in her eyes that holds him captive and makes him forget to put up any of the facades that are supposed to govern their relationship.

She moves slowly, leaning up to press a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth, and the nothing shatters its casing to reveal something bubbling up like a spring in his heart. Her face is serious but gentle, and restraint cannot suppress the urge to hold her close. She lets him, tucking her head against his neck. For some reason there's a lump in his throat.

The spring trickles on, a small but constant presence.

Time makes it into a stream, stronger with every touch and every glance, with every quiet evening and every inch that the facades drop.

“And you definitely don’t feel anything for her?” Handler asks, in the middle of the Yor section of one of his weekly reports on the family.

“Nothing,” Twilight replies. If he listens hard enough, he can almost hear the sound of a river roaring.

-----------

Hope this was a good read!!!!! Twilight feeling things is one of my favourite things to write lol. But yea there's a few more prompts left to write, I will write all of them eventually!

[starlightrows]

Final thoughts on The Bad Batch Finale

I’ll cut to the chase here and be honest. I am not mad about it, in fact I’m over all pretty content with this ending.

Are there unanswered questions? Yeah.

Are there loose ends? Yeah

But to be completely honest, after a while with this show, I lost a lot of real attachment to it. I stopped caring so much about how it would all shake out. And it improved my viewing experience immensely.

But I’ll still share some specific thoughts.

What I wish had been tied up

• I realize they can’t show it, because it’s a kids show. But I hope one or some of them hunted down Cid and killed her. She sold them out. Twice. I can’t fucking stand betrayers and backstabbers.

• A little bit more explanation on Omega’s M Count and how it actually affects her (who knows, we might find out later. Maybe she’ll meet Kanan Jarrus later in the rebellion!)

• What happened to Cody? Listen, I’m not really part of the Cody fandom space. But I love and support you guys, and I think you guys deserve to know what happened to your blorbo!

• Was Tech one of the winter soldier-esk operatives? To me it felt a little odd that they didn’t confirm or deny it either way. And it sort of doesn’t matter. If he was, there wasn’t going to be a way to save him and they would have had to kill him while looking at his face. If he wasn’t then he died to save them. He died a hero and they can mourn and remember him.

Most of these things, we might be able to get answers or closure to later in a future project. Fingers crossed.

Here are the things that I loved

• Omega has grown so much. We can see it in how she approaches situations and views the world. You can see little reflections of all of her brothers in how she behaves without them. And that is a beautiful thing.

• The batch has grown a lot too. They of course want to protect her, their little big sister. But they also trust her immensely. They taught her how to lead, how to think tactically, how to protect herself and others. The taught her to be a soldier.

• Nala Se knew she would not leave the base alive. And so did Omega. They both understood the importance of ensuring the empire lost all possibility of using that data. Nala Se also got to avenge her city and her people by taking Rampart with her.

• Omega leaving to join the rebellion means everything to me. She grew into an amazing young woman. She was raised by soldiers. Soldiers that didn’t choose to be part of a war. But she got to choose. She chose to become a soldier on her own to free the galaxy of its tyrannical government. There is nothing more Star Wars than that to me.