#just felt so good idk how to describe it
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Y'know how people always talk about weed being a "gateway drug" that leads into doing heavier and heavier drugs as you go on?
That's what longsword was to me, I tried fighting with a greatsword yesterday and I can't go back, I need another hit already lol
#it's like#I absolutely fell in love with longsword mid-fight with it tbh#just redirecting momentum and learning about circular motion#spinning it around and rolling parried hits into harder strikes#just felt so good idk how to describe it#but idk the magic started to lessen for me as I got like physically stronger#and started being able to just swing it rather than having to rely on momentum and redirection#but oh my GOD with greatsword it's so fucking back#I've been enamored with it for a while but I never got to actually FIGHT with one until yesterday#and fuck dude it felt so good idk if I can go back lol#(I can I'm just being dramatic)#but augh#the feeling of momentum that weight that raw FORCE#seeing your opponent reel back because they tried to block it and underestimated how hard that thing was gonna hit lol#chaining swings and keeping that momentum going#figuring out what to do on the fly with the momentum I am given#just the motion and movements and such#augh#it's so good I love this so much and I missed it so bad lol#pun's text posts
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lover, don't touch me // leave, i am a danger to you // but ooh, i hunger for you
#this is leona's vampire lover audra#i guess you could say the first time they met was when audra nearly killed her in a blood lust because she hadnt fed in so long#idk how to describe it well but audra suddenly stopped devouring her when leona looked at her with no fear in her eyes#but looked at audra like she was something to worship#she whispered that audra was so beautiful even as her own blood was splattered between them and staining her lips#leona had never seen someone or something so perfect and powerful#power that she wanted and knew exactly how to get when audra whimpered over the slightest bit of praise#i never talk about them but i am CONSTANTLY thinking about them <3#some fun little facts is leona killed her husband in cold blood because he was pitiful and boring#she married the first person to show any interest in her just to get away from her family#he would have been a perfectly good husband for anyone else#but the best part of their marriage was when she stabbed him in the stomach 47 times and felt his blood splatter against her skin#for audra OBVIOUSLY had to make another oc who would do anything to be loved even if it means destroying herself#audra was turned very suddenly and without any guidance#she murdered her lover without even realizing it she opened her eyes to find them splattered across every surface of the room#because of that shes done everything she can to protect herself from others even if it means starving herself of blood#until she goes into a frenzy#leona is the first person she has ever willingly fed off of#idk if willingly is the right word since leona practically begs her to do it#i really want to remake leona now.........#i like how leona looks but i want her to match audra better#mysims#the sims 4#simblr#sims 4 screenshots#sims 4 cas#ts4 cas#sims 4 edit#ts4
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Enough time has passed to where I think we can openly admit how WK has gone through seasonal rot within its previous 2 seasons and how the hype of Season 7 along with the generally positive reception is a really green flag for the show's quality.
#wild kratts#pbs kids#kratt brothers#martin kratt#chris kratt#pbs kids go#2d kratt brothers#2d martin kratt#2d chris kratt#because season 5 and 6 were.... not good to say the least#S5 took a hard plummet in quality after the Alaska special#Idk how to describe it but episodes felt more flat and basic more often than not despite there being several good ones in the mix too#S6 was slightly better but still felt more two-dimensional and basic and oddly oversaturated (and I don't just mean in the color palate)#I know Season 7's only been out for barely a year and we've only had 8-10 episodes released#But I do think that this season is substantially different than the previous two.#It feels a lot more experimental in its concepts whilst utilizing the show's strengths#Sometimes it works like with Clever the Raven or the Blue and Green special#Sometimes it doesn't like with the Mudskipper episode#But you can tell that they've some ideas in mind that you definitely wouldn't find in other seasons.#It genuinely makes me both curious and optimistic. Bc again it took 2 years to film this season.#There's definitely more time put into the writing process as earlier seasons.#I'm gonna hold some reservations until the season ends but it's shaping up to be pretty good so far.
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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Xena Warrior Princess 3x07 The Debt (2)
You mean that I should serve someone who hates me. More than that, you need to serve someone you hate. I'd rather die. You've been a dead woman for a long time now Xena, I'm offering you the chance to live.
#xena warrior princess#xwpedit#xenaedit#wlwedit#wlwsource#tvedit#dailyflicks#xena*#gif*#I am 100% on the xena/gabrielle train bc duh but man I LOVE xena's relationship with lao ma and I wish we'd seen more of it in the series...#lao ma being xena's first turning point and helping her gain her consciousness back etc is so important to me...#lao ma is described as both soft and hard and that's exactly what xena needed and yeah she loved her and admired her so much to the point#that she felt indebted to her#xena in the debt ep series is lit like that meme that's like#If Lao Ma has a million fans then I am one of them. If Lao Ma has ten fans then I am one of them. If Lao Ma has only one fan then that is me#If Lao Ma has no fans then that means I am no longer on earth. If the world is against Lao Ma then I am against the world.#anyway I just love it - I just love the idea that dark xena came around to the point of wanting to serve this woman simply because she#believed in her and in how much of a good influence she could be 'I have been blessed or cursed to see into the souls of others. You don't k#know it yet Xena but you're a remarkable woman capable of greatness'#LIKE....... idk it just makes me insane the unconditional support the unconditional love.... anyways
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#so the other day i was rereading this fic that i forgot i wrote#some lashton thing from like 2021 that someone reblogged out of the blue#and i was in the living room and i say out loud like ‘oh this is actually pretty good. like i used to be pretty good at this i miss it’#and roommate who actively does not read or write fic#and in particular has some moral qualms w rpf#and she’s like ‘you’re still good at writing you just haven’t done it in a while’#and idk it meant a lot in a way i wasn’t really sure how to describe?#i haven’t felt creative in a really long time but it still doesn’t change the fact that i must be capable of it if i once was?#weird vibe. but good vibe. ya know?
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also gettin back into the vast umbrella of vaporwave/lofi(?ithinkitscalled) recently and. yeah. it was there for me before it’s still doing the same thing for me now
#it’s one of those genres you can jump into and out of again anytime#i first got into it through the macintosh plus 420 memes back in the day around 2015#i was havin really long and really uncomfortable dissociative epsiodes then. things were bad. but vaporwave described how i felt perfectly.#summed it all up. i Have found genres since which really resonate with me but this is the greatest example of… idk.#that state of ''expressing urself through the music you like at current time'' since i was a teenager.#it’s so good. i think everyone could like at least a little vaporwave.#it's a rabbithole u can get lost down <3#(disclaimer things are not so bad btw :) not as bad as before at least)#(i always said about death grips:#'i hope i can still enjoy them when things are better in the future as much as [i did at that time when things were bad]' and i do!#no association with the bad times like i'd feared! :')#dg arent vaporwave lol i was just making a comparison between these ''musics that perfectly describe your feelings at the time''
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@ those tf2 server related tags: the lazypurple silly servers still exist. and if you want a silly-adjacent server that still has killing/pvp enabled then they also have a "TDM" server where objectives are disabled so you really just get to dick around
i figured his servers would still be around, although i don't think i ever had personally played on his servers before. i think i've seen some videos of them in the past though.
the two servers i use to hang around in through 2012-2016 were mostly just... hang-out servers? the term i refer to them as is "hub servers", similar to like... hub levels in platformers. one was a big city server where i met a good ammount of my friends on, the other was a server with maps the server owner created, which is also the server that hosted one of my maps. they had some sourcemods in common like the jetpack plugin.
im not sure if i could personally experience the vibes of those servers in the same way these days. granted anytime i play tf2 these days, it's usually to play casual, haven't touched any community servers in a long time.
#ask#anon#theres a channel ive been subbed to on youtube that made the uhh... meet the random fortress videos#those videos give me nostalgia in a way i cant describe#cause like the two servers i mentioned didnt have that exact extreme vibes going on.#but thats what it felt like to play those servers sometimes#like i see those videos and i imagine thats how the golden machine gun server was back in 2008 or so.#i never played on that server for context. but i watched plenty of videos from their channel#the golden machine gun also brings back the nostalgia of a server having custom maps specific to that server#like you couldnt experience those maps anywhere else.#those kind of maps i think honestly inspired me to get into mapping#that. and the second server listed above had maps that kinda looked not great. and i wanted to make a map that looked nicer.#i dont agree with that sentiment in going about making maps now. but thats what got me into mapping.#im told that server hosted the map i made a lot. like it was a really popular map even after i stopped hanging out there#idk. i guess what im getting at is that theres a certain magic to the servers i use to play that idk if ill ever experience the same again#thats not to say it cant be recreated or remade exactly. its just idk if i could experience it the same.#id have to be around a lot of folks from friendshow. whom of which are folks i met from those servers#though not a lot of us play live tf2 that actively these days. ive mostly been playing cause my current computer runs it well now#and ive just been having fun playing casual.... for the most part. and also customizing my guys#im okay at the game these days. ranging from pretty good to okay in most matches.#sometimes i kinda want to be in a server where i can just look pretty and fuck about.#im sure maybe ill find a place some day. ik the servers exist. i just havent really tried exploring any#i think my experience to those servers are similar to roblox servers i use to hang around in as a kid in 2008-2009#if anyone remembers uhh... space cruise v3 or whatever. thats the vibes i want to achieve for a map some day.#like youre just in a big space cruiser with your own personal room and you can do jobs to get money and buy furnature#and just mill about and shit. too bad that world doesnt really work anymore with robloxs code changes since 2007....#anyway thank you for telling me anon! i do appreciate it!!
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#i am going to describe the state of being that i call: feeling unhinged#at least according to how i experienced it today. sometimes its a lil different#but i woke up at like 5am with racing thoughts. not racing in an anxious way but too much to think and trying to think all of it at the#same time. so much to think that it was hard to listen to anything because it was like my thoughts were a radio playing discordant sound#over everything else. so it was like i wasn't all the way in the present. most of me was in my head. and its like when i stop listening to#things my brain has echos. like someone's whispering in the peripherals of my mind. not in like a auditory hallucination way#just like in my head and ever so slightly out of control. its not bad. just kinda weird#and then energy. so so much energy. too much to hold in my chest. i could not be still so i ran and ran and ran and i still wasnt tired#and it was still hard to focus bc my brain was everywhere. around 1 i started to calm down and now im laying down#but i mean im not exhausted. for some reason i guess i was just possessed by a demon for a few hours. how am i supposed to get things done#bc like it would b nice if i could stop my brain from catching on fire 🔥#like idk what to call that tho. bc it didnt feel good. it felt like im holding my head together so it doesn't explode so i dont burst into#flames. ive got so many ideas but im just sitting here with my head in my hands#just kinda unhinged#unrelated
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new 2d sonic games coming out this fall apperently ?
#not sure how to feel abt it just watched the trailer. im a modern 'classic sonic' hater sorry.#it just doesnt quite capture what i enjoy abt the og games as well as stuff like advance and rush does (well those more take that and build#it up into its own thing (rush especially) but whatever. it still carries on some general things i enjoy about classic sonic design and#all the more recent stuff ive played has not really been my thing. idk what physics engine theyre using but if its the retro engine i will#probably not like it that shit messes with my muscle memory so bad im sorry. i dont like it i wish i did#also the general visual design/art direction just isnt my thing! im not into that kinda stuff ive always disliked it to an extent#ESPECIALLY in 2d it feels very visually overwhelming but that is probably just a me thing.#also idk if the sound design in the trailer reflects what the game is going to sound like but.did not like it . again a personal preference#so i guess im leaning kinda negative overall MAN i hate that . why am i like this lol sorry#i love sonic games i really do but i just Do Not care for the Big Stuff theyve been doing lately it isntreally my thing#the older stuff just plays to my tastes better u_u#also another thing classic sonic gameplay w 3d models has always felt so ? stilted?#rush doesnt count its its own beast. stilted is probbaly The last thing id use to describe its presentation LMAO#but like. all the sonic generations onwards stuff just feels Weird to look at theres no realkick to it. hell i feel like this abt a few#other 2.5d games that are. 2.5d in the visual sense.it just doesnt click right in a lot of cases#so what im syaing is . 3d bad 2d good /JOKE#the multiplayer seems interesting wonder how thats gonna be handled. also im guessing amy plays how she does in origins here#not sure how she plays there but i m glad to actually see her playable in more stuff! i hope her playstyle is similar to her advance 1#gameplay i love that shit so much geneuinely. its a lot of fun to mess around w#i wanna say im sure the game will be fine but also..... its sonic......... theyre always gonna figure out some way to fuck shit up#<- i say that somewhat lovingly but also it is pretty frustrating since most of it does stem from management issues and time crunch. sigh#okay im just rambling abt sonic nonsense now sorry. i try not to get too invested in everything anymore it was really draining when i was#actively trying to keep up w everything but sometimes smthn comes upand my brain goes back into Sonic Mode /silly#inquisitivewaltz.txt#oh god these tags are so long. im so sorry hgfdhsjgfdhs
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#about taylor. idk if this is parasocial or whatever but this break up of her and how she describes it is somehow heartbreaking to me#because after all those guys she dated and everything this one felt different i was like oh okay this looks like the one for real?!#she grew up sheo much she matured and we're almost the same age so i kind of cant help but relate.#she kept things private and she looked healthier and happier and it just felt good and healthy!#the whole lover album was like this whole long love letter to him. 6 year long relationship is long! and its heartbreaking when it just...#ends....... like something had to happen how do you even ruin so much time????#and i relate because i am with my beloved for 8 years now almost and i honestly love him so much and i can't imagine#going through a break up after all this time together after building so much together....#and how do you write such love songs about a dude and then it ends in such heartbreak.... it just feels impossible idk#and then it ends so sadly......#and then its incomprehensible to. me how she bounced into someone like matty lol. wtf is going on
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The past 2 days I've spent cleaning and rearranging stuff all around the shelves next to my worktable and I've just realised today how much I needed to do this... And it feels so rewarding and fulfilling 😌
#mina.txt#im not the type to clean one's room bvbnhfhg plus its a tiring task for me#but this time it felt... how should I describe this bggyfhy#it felt like a reminder that i went through a lot these past few years vghfgg and it reflected in my room#my shelves were messy and things were put randomly jbhjhgg almost like they're ready to fall#but now its all arranged properly... for the first time in two years in fact#and it feels... right?#of course im still going through stressful times dont get me wrong bbhhgghg#but it reminded me that things are going to be ok... that things are already starting to get better and better#that I am getting better and better#idk yvhghh its just... a good thing... right?#ive never experienced it tbh so idk how long itll last... but i hope this happiness will never disappear#i still need to fulfill some things until i reach true happiness... but its gonna take me a while#for now i can safely say that im doing baby steps yknow#sorry for rambling bhyfhhgu i got carried away ;-;#anyways im going on a walk in the park <3 its beautiful outside and hopefully it wont rain
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💭
#this girl I was close friends/roommates with during my last year of college just got engaged with her bf of 8 years#while I am happy for both of them… idk I have difficult feelings about her now and don’t see her as a friend anymore#she used to live in the same city as me during the first like year and a half or so of the pandemic#and in that time we got to see/hang out with each other twice#first time we got to catch up for a few hours and we had a good time but it was kinda bittersweet… idk how to describe it#the second time she asked me last minute to accompany her to pick up stuff she got through Facebook marketplace#during one of those two times we hung out/she basically told me to my face that it would be the last time I’d see her#i understood initially cuz she was about to start teaching and she wanted to focus on her relationships with her bf and her family#but not long after she started teaching/she quickly started going out a lot and making new friends#then she moved to another town like 30 ish minutes away cuz her aunt kicked her out in the middle of her first year of teaching#idk I never had a good feeling about things cuz of all of that stuff I stated above#but also since she’s been trying on working to improve her relationship with her mom after everything she’s done to her#cuz we both have shitty moms who’ve said and done shitty things to us and our families#i know it probably won’t happen or won’t happen for like a few years#but in the event she invites me to her wedding/ I’m gonna be deadass with her about how I’ve felt about her#and see if she’s willing to work on improving our friendship before I decide to attend (if she does invite me cuz idk)#oh I also forgot how after she moved after her aunt kicked her out#she had the nerve to randomly ask if I could watch her aunt’s dogs during the week I was starting 3 online summer classes#she didn’t even like say hi/make small talk or ask nicely either#she just straight up was like ‘hey can you watch my aunt’s dogs during (x) week?’#she recently congratulated me when I posted on my Instagram story that I passed my driving text and got me license but I didn’t respond#I just have a lot of difficult feelings about her now/wish I could unfollow her but I don’t wanna start shit & her be all in my face & shit#jazz uses curse! 💜
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Ok so my sleep... Walking... Thing has now happened quite a few times
- technically not getting out of bed but I wake up to someone screaming like they are being murdered. My brain finally realizes... That it's me (I've never heard myself scream that way, like genuine horror) and I'm sitting up in my bed just non stop screaming in terror
- i wake up on the floor. What woke me was that I felt like my chest was tight and it felt weird to breathe so first instinct, I can't breathe, I'm dying. No I'm just on the floor, with my arms stretched out, lying flat... Using my arms to drag myself forward? So basically crawling with less leg movement
- one night slept on the couch with Linus. Had a dream, I knew his TV was going to blow up. So I got up from the couch, took two steps behind and in my dream... It blew, so I was thrown to the ground. And then I hear Linus go "what are you doing?" no, I actually did this in real life, threw myself on the ground, bad bruises
- 'fell out' of bed when I had a sleepover with two people. I laughed it off but man
- yesterday, woke up by feeling weird, realize I've walked like 7 steps from my bed, in my still not conscious mind I just have a feeling I need to escape and I remember seeing my legs in the mirror I passed. Then as I reach the front door and unlock it, I finally fully wake up and I'm shaking and scared bc wtf
#Dreams#miranda talking shit#I can't describe these things well enough but to me in that moment of waking up? I'm never just netrual...#Only time I was with my sleepover bc that was a small thing and I was just like haha ok#The rest? All connected with a feeling of fear. I was trying to escape something. Before becoming conscious enough to understand what's#Happening. My immediate thoughts are legit that I'm dying. I'm dying or someone is hurting me. And that's a very intense feeling#Idk if anyone ever felt that feeling? I've had feelings of “I could have died” after the fact but in the moment... It's not good#If all these sleepwalking shit was just... Netrual ones. With just the confusion of how I got there... It would be fine#But the legit terror I always first wake up in with them? Mmm.... No) :#The first event with the screaming. Like I cannot describe it well enough...#Bc coming back conscious usually you get some senses at a time. So I just 'heard' someone screaming bloody murder#And then I realize... It's i making that noise bc I open my eyes. I couldn't recognize my own voice#Screaming by itself... Is one thing but when it's legit in terror#Your voice become very different and that was the first time I heard it#My cats were terrified. I was terrified goddamn
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
#this is true#writeblr#warm up#relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes#amongst the Siblings#is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting#like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good#(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and#like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract#to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids#so like she was right to stock up#ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that#u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it#> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes#> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9#when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters#i am the middle child#out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite
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also while i'm talking about short story long, p-33s story made me BIG WEEPY
#it was so good#i think the ending felt so euphoric and like#idk the way the collective that p33 became was described was really joyful and beautiful#very much felt like the kind of vibe i'm trying to catch with calcine#also just IDK! there was a line like#'desire must come from within'#and how the entire thing that led to this was awakening things created with Purpose to the concept of Desire#like....#be part of us. we Want things#and Wanting is what makes us Different than something created only to repeat actions over and over
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