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lemonfreshlysqueezed · 7 months

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I love that more and more drama’s refuse to dance around the subject and actually use the words

‘I Am Gay’

#it means so much for representation #no subtext you have to read into #less shame around the words #less misunderstanding happening #perfect propose the series #perfect propose #bl drama #japanese bl #japanese drama #jdrama #bl series #multi bl #queer media

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ghost-bxrd · 7 months

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Prompt:

Damian isn’t happy about father’s rule not to hurt the gaggle of false kids he has acquired. How is he supposed to prove to him that he is the only one worthy of the title of heir now?

But fine. Most of them are stupid enough they’ll end up dead sooner or later. Damian just has to play the long game. Establish himself as the only constant.

But then father’s wayward son, Todd, comes home… and it’s so much worse than Damian expected.

He remembers this man. Remembers him from hushed whispers in the League, from mother’s creased eyebrow, and training halls drenched with blood.

And he’ll take one look at Damian and know. Know that he’s a threat to his position.

And the worst thing: Damian isn’t allowed to defend himself.

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seventh-district · 4 months

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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill #well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst #like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made #bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you #but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings #and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste #there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc #so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything #if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is #which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose #anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages #or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing #i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know #it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess #as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence #the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education #i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype #sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen #there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions #like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity #like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem #but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.

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the-lark-ascending69 · 3 months

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Lumity is very cute but it seems like the kind of ship that would have a fandom so toxic it'd make you dislike the ship in time and I think that's sad.

#possibly because it's so ''pure'' like #the spiciest thing that happened between them was Amity being rude for like 1/3 of s1 maybe?#and a lot of baby puritans online like to cling to these ''unproblematic'' ships to feel super morally superior and whatnot #tbh while watching toh I was thinking ''mmmm how could a fanfic make lumity MORE dramatic? what situations could make them WORSE''#my conclussion is that more internalized homophobia would really make it shine #for me specifically. to appeal to my own personal tastes #tbh the lack of conflict became a bit boring after a while like there were times i wanted amity to throw luz out the window #that girl is a compulsive liar she can't ever say things straight even when there's no reason to lie 😭 and i love flawed characters #and i understand amity being tremendously loving and forgiving and understanding is a valid character trait #but like girl 😭 not even one fight? i wouldn't have that patience 😭😭😭 sometimes fights are good #i see so many people celebrating it's ''healthiness'' (if that's a word) and i just feel like. is that what appeals to you?#is that what you find fun and exciting? is that what keeps you at the edge of your seat?#personally i need amity to get psychologically abused by her mom soooo bad it destroys her relationship with luz. like with willow but worse #MORE misunderstandings MORE heartbreak MORE abuse MORE drama #and if you could add some self-loathing and SHAME there it'd be beautiful #i'm not talking about the show. the show is fine. i'm talking about the fanfic i'm gonna spend the next two hours looking for on ao3 #btw this is just me talking about my personal tastes and everyone is allowed to like whatever they like. if you like less drama that's cool #like i don't know you and my opinions on your tastes are actually zero

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shmuzzieheart · 2 years

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Rewatching “The MIND vs. The HEART” feels so weird now that we have “Selfishness v. Selflessness.” The scenario of Thomas being asked to help someone move even though he’s got previous commitments that day mirrors the wedding vs. callback situation and really drives home how Janus’ (and the other Dark Sides’) perceived scariness/evilness negatively impacts their ability to get through to Thomas. Logan wasn’t labeled as morally wrong for wanting Thomas not to help, and Thomas even told Patton in that video that sometimes he needs to prioritize himself over other people.

#sanders sides #Shmuzzie rambles #I've been rewatching the series today #and man if only C!Thomas remembered this discussion with Logan and Patton while the courtroom scenario was happening #the further along I get though the less I want to watch because I don't like all the angst and arguing and misunderstandings #JUST. COMMUNICATE. PROPERLY.#I really hope we get an episode in Jan's room where he opens up properly about how he feels. No sarcasm or sassiness #let the snake man apologize and get his time for character development

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unanottexxx · 15 days

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i wish ford kept a journal through his 30years in the portal. it would've been really interesting to learn what he had encountered there + we could've get more information about his mental state. 30 years without proper human communication, constant stress and running with an already messed up mind.

#gravity falls #stanford pines #i know people with average reading comprehension can guess how fucked up ford's mind is after all that happened #therefore they could understand why he acts in certain ways #but fortunately not everyone has that #i don't see a lot of people in tumblr blaming ford and acting too biased #but in tiktok....ohgod #i don't care that much but it frustrates me regardless #if there was a journal about 30years through ford's pov too these 'misunderstandings' would be less common #but here we are #trying to explain basic stuff :)#i don't even know why do i bother #(writes tons of complains) whatever.idc

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impossible-rat-babies · 9 months

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Me banging my fists we have GOT to start teaching agriculture in schools I s2g

#like bahugugugig is it normal for baby horses to be up and running and spunky at 2 days old? YES. YES OMFG #that is a PREY ANIMAL #if they don’t they would be dead omfg #also I think learning about agriculture is important to understanding where our food comes from both in meat and other products l #maybe there would be less issues with violent veg/an/ism if there was more education going on #not saying it wouldn’t happen but often fear comes from a place of misunderstanding or not knowing in general #owen talks

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data #which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done #for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior #so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a #collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more #devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close #bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the #country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will #instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a #different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad #a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi #intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see #them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize #the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b #doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped #that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying #less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating #unrelated

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iys-cloud · 11 months

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if you know me irl, don't read . Because I'm about to angry rant without filter and don't want anyone hurt. w/vent

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istl my friends can't just listen sometimes, oh? Your having a problem I gave you ADVICE ABOUT A MONTH AGO AND YOU DIDN'T LISTEN SO YOU'RE STILL STUCK WITH IT!?!? What a surprise. Your thinking your life is ending after a dumb mistake after I told you time and time again to STOP BLOWING THINGS OUT OF PORPOTION BUT AS ALWAYS YOU CAN'T EVEN TRY TO LISTEN!?!? You wouldn't say. Your crying again about that dumb thing that happened/not crying about that really important thing that happened I TOLD YOU EXTREMES ARE BAD, AND THAT ONLY YOU CAN TRY TO HELP YOURSELF IN THIS CASE, BUT NOOOO YOU WON'T EVEN TRY.

#NOT EVERYTHING IS A REASON TO SAY YOUR GONNA KILL YOURSELF/YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIFE #JUST BECAUSE A MINOR MISUNDERSTANDING HAPPENED DOESN'T MEAN THE WORLD IS GONNA END #STOP PERSONALIZING AND MAGNIFYING EVERYTHING THAT SOMEONE EVER SAID TO YOU/EVERYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENED #YES ITS OK TO CRY BUT NO BECAUSE OF EVERYTHING AND EVEN LESS BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO GROW UP #YES I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE IT #BUT GUESS WHAT??? SOMEONE ELSE IS GONNA TELL YOU THAT EVENTUALLY AND IT WONT BE AS JOKEFULL OR AS SOFT AS I SAID IT #YOU CAN'T BE A KID FOREVER #SORRY THAT YOUR CHILDHOOD WAS DIFFICULT AND HALF RUINED BECAUSE OF YOUR PARENTS #SORRY THAT YOU COULDN'T BE A NORMAL KID #BUT GUESS WHAT!?!? NEITHER COULD I #AND YOU CAN'T GO BACK #ONLY THING TO DO IS GO FORWARD AND TRY TO LIFE YOUR LIFE BEST #NO USE CRYING OVER SPILLED MILK #THE WORLD WON'T ACCOMMODATE ITSELF AROUND YOU AND YOUR LIKES #SO YOU BETTER START LEARNING HOW TO FEAL WITH IT #BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T YOUR GONNA CRASH #HARD #And and #And I just want to help you #But I can't because you won't even let me #therapist friend #Angry rant #I really needed to get that of my chest #local cloud

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daz4i · 2 years

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if i may complain for a bit about something that doesn't actually matter and can be easily avoided. god i hate fics that baby-fy chuuya

#yeah yeah i know just don't read them w/e. there's no tags to avoid these unfortunately 😐#it kinda feels like a fanon of fanon. it's so far removed from his canon self even if some core elements are there.#why write him like a 15 y/o even as an adult. and the thing is. even when he was 15 in canon he wasn't this childish. c'mon.#a lot of the most popular skk fics have him characterized like this and man I'm tired. look how they massacred my boy.#ok complaining session over. i feel like i sound kinda mean. sorry abt that.#it doesn't actually matter that much just a bit frustrating when it keeps happening when you're already a couple hundred words into a fic #edit: i lied I'm not done complaining i gotta turn this into a rant bc ppl misunderstanding my favorite character online is a crime.#childish was the wrong word for me to use ig it's more like. innocent.#girl. bestie. he has been part of criminal organizations quite literally since he remembers himself.#he is not some sweet uwu baby who's a bit of a tsundere or w/e. he's got genuine reasons to be angry yknow. he's been through shit #and he's not innocent? he's in the fucking mafia lol we literally see him kill like 20 people in 5 minutes at 15 y/o.#he's not naive either???? he may not be dazai levels of smart but he's still capable of figuring things out himself????#like he did figure out rimbaud's thing by himself. he's not stupid or slow. he wouldn't be a mafia executive otherwise.#and that's also the reason he can't be naive like... he is in constant danger after all #and idk watering down all this^ for aus is boring and turning him into practically an oc but it's even worse in canonverse #or literally any au where he suffers the same amount as he does in canon. bc then what's your excuse for watering him down.#it feels like forcing him into this very clear cut mold you see in every media when he is literally. not that.#no one in bsd is honestly that's part of its charm imo. they all subvert your expectations of their character archetypes #i think this is why it's making me so angry bc it doesn't feel like just misunderstanding the character but also the whole story. in a way.#am i going too far? perhaps. i dunno. i do feel less Dirty after letting out this frustration tho.#complaining session is now officially over okay. yes. sorry. i don't mean to offend anyone sorry if i sound mean at any point.

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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 year

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no, More active effort, More conscious consideration

#boo we HATE your [the implicit perspective that anything taking less effort / less thought is Good / an Improvement]#and it's like Getting Good at anything. Some element does become easier to navigate successfully?#great so now you can forever move on to devoting more conscious effort to Another element / really further evolutions of the same process #build on whatever understanding. if you realize something you thought was Correct seems not to be?#congratulations: it was inaccurate / too limited all along but now You know that. Better #thinking about [effort] thinking about [communication] means emitting a psychic blast doing all the Languaging of honing ideas #and b/c interactions are two way streets you get no guarantee anyone will listen / put effort into considering what they're picking up #it's a delight when someone Does happen to feel you're worth effort but everyone could be doing that on principle. they are not lol.#some actually not [jfc] comment on an akd interview like #they speak w/such precision they're used to not being listened to or understood like #well we'd have to ask them ofc but i won't even argue w/that concept lol #having One Chance To Get A Word In Ever like but you don't really when ppl misunderstand you which is an inevitability #and then made more likely by any number of factors. including not considering you worth the effort of Trying to understand #if they misinterpreted what you're conveying no they didn't; that's just What You Meant. double empathy style #gotta be out here figuring out The Approach when the outlier is ppl who do Not [only think you're worth effort as An Obstacle]#alleging how when you like urself you will now Earn Friends like the more i respect myself the more idc if i'm Interpersonally Beliked #the interpersonal relationship that Is guaranteed relevant of ''we're both people in the world & so already in relation in just that way''#i love to Socialize by being in public ''alone'' like clearly no i'm not & like getting to take up my bit of space / do my bit of a thing #while this fits into everyone else also having their presence; doing their thing; is >>>>> being with a group as its nth wheel for no reaso #the effort of what communication works w/what person in what situation #the effort of what navigation of the inherent mutual effect of your sharing [whatever System (like; physics style)] works out best / better #when ppl imagining this are still limiting it to Certain Interactions b/w everyone anytime as the ''ideal''....#sesame street was out here like. sometimes there's people wanting to be alone / who are ''unfriendly'' & they're still part of things #once again it's like kermit thee frog knows what's up. mister macabee old timey barkeep what should i do #furiosa as well lmao i should watch fury road again. i can sense it #you can't have much of a chitchat with her. and yet

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lilac-melody · 1 year

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Writing my own experiences is honestly such a trip...

#like even though they're my OWN experiences it doesnt feel REAL #like wow how fake #its so weird bc im simply basing it off of what happened to me and how i deal with it #but then i worry that people find it unrealistic #or they'll see even just the fic and tags without reading it and ridicule it for being written #im really thinking abt trying therapy again tbh. but finding time between work and the fact i cannot drive...#idk. i really truly dont....#im falling apart. the days are going by and im having less and less of a will to continue. im trying to find healthy #outlets for coping but then anxiety shoots through the roof #it doesnt help that the first two times i was in therapy it made everything worse #the first was 100% against my will bc of a simple misunderstanding blown way out of proportion at my college #and the 2nd was me p much being forced into it after i tried killing myself and ended up in the hospital lol #i tried overdosing. it hurts the stomach more than anything tbh.#the therapist just kept staring at me. like never taking her eyes off of me and kept asking how i felt #i felt more like a fucking test subject tbh. she also didnt sound Human. her tone was like i was just another patient #nothing more than routine. and she didnt Listen to what i said. then i was charged way too much despite being told it would be free #so i dropped out lol #anyway i got way off topic. um what was this abt #oh yeah my fear of fic venting bc im terrified of being ridiculed . yeah yeah yeah.

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ailurinae · 2 years

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might fuck around and change my tumblr URL... 🤔

#never changed my URL #my posts #personal #tumblr #would mean leaving the exclusive club #hmm #first twitter perma-banned my original account #for misunderstanding a joke no less #had to have been ML auto ban #and wouldn't respond to my appeal #just a few weeks before Musk happened #so made a new one using one of my game handles #then I went to look at my Mastodon account #cause of Musk #and found my instance was being closed down #so I moved to a new one and picked a handle #in line with my new twitter handle #maybe I should move that here too...#though it isn't very unique #on twitter I had to add some numbers #which relate to the handle but seem pretty random #of course Steam and Blizzard and Discord #have that non-user controlled part at the end for the full handle #so the base part doesn't have to be unique #also I would leave the exclusive 'real name on tumblr' club #hm #decisions decisions

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jvzebel-x · 2 years

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🦋

#as a rule it generally has always frustrated me that it very often feels like people are WILLFULLY misunderstanding&misrepresenting me #&occassionally it leads to fun past-times such as actively matching the level of intelligence generally expected from me-- none.#or matching whatever bland&one dimensional personality type i have been very obviously&typically tactlessly assumed to have.#but especially in regards to how nice i am as a default ive always had issues with negative backlash from it lmao.#like its a toss-up as to whether or not the assumption is that i'm too stupid w/ too little life experience #to understand that ppl are inherently evil&thus should be treated poorly&w/ as much suspicion as possible as a default-- lol #-- or that i'm being manipulative+fake &the kindness is surely just a front for nefarious intentions.#&like for the vast majority of my life ive primarily dealt w/ the former which is vaguely annoying but also a lot of fun to play around w/#until i've become too bored w/ the one-sided game to keep on playing it w/ ppl who have the overall depth of a shower floor #&the tact of a rabid wild boar only made worse by the continued assumption that im too stupid to understand that im being insulted.#but over the past few years the tides have shifted to the latter&like.#it took years of adjustment but i've finally perfected the art of actively disappearing in situations where its made clear #that my words&behaviors are being dissected for hidden meanings or malicious intent lmao.#truly the '... nah' philosophy has saved what little is left of my fucking sanity lmao.#it's officially the holiday season&i am already prepared to '... nah' my way straight the fuck into extremely comfortable isolation lol.#bc while i am more or less proud of having leashed my more vicious impulses it's still my first&strongest instinct #to take how bad someone thinks i am&to see how much lower i can go lmao.#when the assumption is that the worse that could happen is shattered kneecaps you take both the feet instead.#this is simply how i was raised lmao.#but in the interest of removing myself from that rather unhealthy cycle i am doing my best to just not engage when it happens.#... but fuck me if it doesnt feel like i'm being purposefully baited most times lmao.

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pa-pa-plasma · 2 days

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i don't think i'll ever get over how people treat kids that aren't good in school as worthless no matter what. "oh it can't be that bad" my guy idk how to tell you this but the last time i went to a normal high school the principal called me into his office to brag about how he failed me in all of my classes before the semester was even finished & i should quit while i'm ahead cuz i'm too stupid ("officially" diagnosed as such by a school counselor & a psychiatrist!!) to succeed. & this is considered normal

#''poor teachers!!'' yeah well at least they can fucking quit & go work somewhere else #''okay but times are different than when you went to school in the 1970's'' this was 2016 my guy. shut the fuck up #''well maybe you were a violent & severely misbehaving kid!'' i wasn't. i have ADHD & severe anxiety disorder & depression #my biggest crime was being too exhausted & dopamine deprived to do my homework #my dad talks about how he was treated in school & i'm like damn dude i went through the same exact shit #how is it that a majority of teachers & principals are still abusive power-tripping pieces of shit 60 years later #why haven't things changed #well actually the answer is simple & it's because they want disabled people to disappear #& if abled students that simply disagree with the way things are done get caught in the crossfire then that is acceptable #because anyone not fit to make billionaires a billion more dollars should just die!#anyways here are my original tags from that gravity falls post i just reblogged:#I know this is supposed to be an appreciation post but like. ''for being the ''dumb one'' he's surprisingly rational.'' seriously??#as ''the dumb'' but ''surprisingly rational'' one of my family this is THEE biggest misunderstanding & it drives me up the fucking wall #just because a person struggles in one area doesn't mean they're stupid & should be an irrational dumb dumb idiot baby holy fuckkk #sorry to OP but even when people try to ''appreciate'' stuff like this they can't help but throw in insults #simply because they genuinely believe that ''even though you're stupid you SURPRISINGLY act competent sometimes'' is a compliment #I'm less mad about this & more sad that this kind of shit is still so prevalent in 2024 #both Stanley & Stanford are smart & competent & rational #they just show it in different ways & exceed in different (sometimes overlapping) subjects #this is normal for human beings but the big societal scam is that if you don't do it in the way Ford does then you're stupid & a failure #& being surprised that Stan is also smart & competent in his own ways is the biggest sing that you fucking fell for it dude #btw before i get @ ed for this. i WAS that kid #i was so much that kid the school actually diagnosed me with stupid & spiteful & i was told to quit while i was ahead (they failed me befor #obviously this is very personal for me but also i don't think people realize the language they use is on purpose & it's used specifically t #& it's still happening right now & that just. makes me wanna cry honestly #like why are people still surprised that people can specialize in something despite bad grades in school #you know. the thing we all know is literally rigged to either put you in jail or in a factory to make billionaires more money.#man sorry for the rant the original spirit of the post is super correct but like fuck HS grade-centric judging of people's entire character #Stan being able to defeat Bill is just not at all surprising if you were him or knew/know someone like him #or really paid any attention at all to the show while watching it

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playingonedchess · 17 days

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how is it that i can feel nostalgic about the time i was sitting on the pavement under an overpass in a foreign country crying because something didnt go my way and gave me a bit of a largish bill but clearly really cause there must be something wrong with me

#this post started out being about nostalgia being for the past not just fun stuff but then it turned into what the fuck is wrong with me #nah like i dont actually cry in public or anything #there was no one around and i had my hood up #also when its strangers in a foreign country youll never ser again who dont notice your existence that princippal becomes less important #and yes it wasnt actually that much of a big deal im just stingey and think it was unreasonable and it wasnt my fault #only it actually sort of was if id actually bothered to use google and translate or actually ask someone and if id been less stingey in #the first place there wouldnt have been a misunderstanding and i wouldnt have got in trouble #but yes the point is the fact that i was cyring about it was a total overreaction and completely pathetic #even though cyring in privates like actually fine and this was basically private its still pathetic #i can say it was general stresses or whatever i guess which is probably true i dont know why else id do it #except that im a stupid pathetic self pitying loser thatll jump on any chance to feel sorry for myself #i suppose since i dont have much of a life i never feel emotions much any more cause theres nothing happening to make me feel them #so considering that it does make more sense and doesnt sound so bad #well whatever reason in general i dont think its a normal or balanced reaction #but thats how it works isnt it lots of small things build up and you ignore them but eventually something tips you over the edge #and i get pissed off or very very occassionally might cry about it #maybe it isnt even that unbalanced when i put it like that #or maybe im just justifying it cause i cant admit i really am that pathetic #but anyway the nostalgias more fun to think about #even though it was only a few months or so ago #maybe its cause i feel like i have to grasp onto any past i have at all to show i have an existence so i feel like i have an identity #or whatever im too tired its like 2am #am i actually going to post this #i shouldnt #not that being pathetic on the internet where theres such a minute chance some random stranger might see it makes any difference

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