#let people being annoying about their aromanticism

[hesperidiumsky]

They should make more annoying aromantic characters.

[mylavellan]

Okay let me talk about it.

Like everytime a character is canonized aroace people started to get annoying about it, shouting that aroace people can have relationships and if you are uncomfortable with them being shipped with another character you’re aro/ace-phobic.

Don’t get me wrong, they (we) can have relationships but I don’t think this is what people are uncomfortable about.

I personally think the problem is that you (generic person, not you reader) don’t really care that they are aroace. You don’t try to understand aromanticism or asexuality, you only use them to defend your ship.

What I’m saying is sure you can ship them, there’s no problem, but please at least try to understand it, try to talk to aroace people to know better the subject, most of all if you’re a fanfiction writer.

Sure, there’s aspec people too whose ship aroace characters, I’m not saying they don’t or that they shouldn’t, but I’m not talking about them now.

Not use the aroace spectrum just when it’s convenient to you, remember that it’s an important trait of the character.

Let’s not erase a sexual/romantic orientation that it’s so under represented and let’s use this “opportunity” to learn something more about aspectrum.

so, ship anyone you want, but try to contextualize it.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being condescending towards an asexual kid in GSA?

🙃🏳️‍🌈 to find later

Long post so buckle up.

I (17, they/it/he) am one of three co-leaders of my school’s GSA, along with R (18, she/her) and N (17, he/him). All three of us are openly bi, and I’m also openly trans and (most importantly) very loudly aromantic. We’re all in 12th grade now but we were leaders last year (in 11th grade) too. The school/GSA is small enough that all four grades (9–12, so around 13–18 years old) are in the same GSA, there’s no separate upper grade and lower grade groups. We also have two advisors, both cis queer teachers; and some younger queer faculty members also join sometimes for formal events. We take turns running events during club time, such as fun crafts or watching music videos. Sometimes we also do educational stuff or documentaries, including having teachers come in to facilitate discussions.

I’ve been planning (since early December) to run a two part series of discussions about asexuality and aromanticism (separate discussions of each). I really just wanted to do one day about aromanticism, but R said that if I did that, people would derail it and just talk about asexuality anyways, which both N and our advisors also agreed made sense. So, it’s two days, and the asexuality one is first so that the aromanticism one can be closer to Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week (ASAW).

There’s a girl in GSA, let’s call her A (16, she/her), who’s in 11th grade. She’s very socially awkward and if someone points out that she’s accidentally said something rude or offensive she’ll make a big deal out of not knowing and generally derail the conversation. Also, two years ago A made a ton of “jokes” about me and my little sibling (16MtF) being “secretly dating.” When I asked her (politely at first) to stop, she said she was just joking around, and kept doing it. I asked her again and also asked the theatre teacher and school counselor for help, and eventually she did stop. But A kept following me around and trying to be friends with me, and I was super uncomfortable to the point that I asked the school counselor to facilitate a conversation between A and I so that I could ask her to fucking stop. It somewhat worked. Now she still keeps trying to start conversations with me in the hallways and such, but I just brush her off or ignore her.

The one place I can’t do that is during GSA. Since I’m a leader, I have to be civil to everyone and actually talk to people (R, N, and I set norms at the start of the year during our planning meetings). A is asexual but not aromantic, and today she showed up like 5 minutes into lunch (cafeteria lines are annoying) and loudly asked if she was late. We weren’t doing anything in GSA today, just chilling. At some point during the meeting I announced casually that next week we’d be discussing asexuality, and then the week after that we’d talk about aromanticism, which leads nicely into ASAW during February break. When I said this, A immediately said that she would be extra ace that week [during ASAW]. I was like, “during aromantic spectrum awareness week?!?!” in the same tone of that “during pride month?!?!” meme. She looked like someone had just given her an F on the most important test of the year and said she hadn’t known.

I also made a comment about how there’s way more openly aspec people at our school than at most schools, and N said that maybe the presence of role models is part of that (clear subtext: he was referring to me). I said pretty loudly (more people could hear) that it was kinda funny that I’m the “ace role model” when I’m literally not asexual. A looked super lost and confused at this, and I think she might’ve thought I was ace, even though I’m super open about not being ace, and have told her directly more than once.

Here’s where the potential assholery comes into play. There’s an ad for PrEP that was fairly common on the back covers of theatre playbills in the past year. The ad shows a Black man dressed in ripped leggings with fishnets, shiny knee-length heeled leather boots, and some sort of white leather harness, doing a bridge pose with one leg extended upwards so that the “r” in PrEP is resting on the sole of the boot. The ad has a bright red background and text that says “you cast of PrEP options is changing” along with a small QR code and website link. The pose is somewhat provocative, but not out of place on a playbill for an all-ages show.

During GSA, A was saying that she thought the ad was bad, because of the leather being “fetish gear” and “weird” (basically the same arguments people use to say that gay people shouldn’t be allowed in public). I told A that there’s nothing wrong with someone wearing leather, and she said that “it’s fetish gear and that’s disgusting and degenerate and just bad advertising!”

I explained calmly, like I would to a child (although I probably wouldn’t talk about this topic with a child), that PrEP is a medicine that people take if they anticipate having sex with someone who’s HIV-positive, so it’s okay that the ad is somewhat suggestive. She seemed to accept that, but still said that the leather was weird, and the ad should’ve shown “a diverse group of people getting pills at a pharmacy” instead, because “fetish gear” was too much.

I asked if she thought that all leather clothing was inherently fetishistic, to which A said yes, and then I asked, “do you know that people can’t just choose fetishes?”

She hadn’t known that, but she still said the ad was too sexual. I pointed out that it was a fairly well-targeted advertisement, using theatre references, but maybe A was not part of the target demographic. I also said that sometimes outfits are just hot without there needing to be any fetishes involved, which she didn’t refute, and that even if it was a fetish, that wouldn’t make it inherently “bad” or “degenerate” at all.

A said that she still didn’t like it, and I told her that she was entitled to have whatever feelings she wanted to have, but that doesn’t mean the advertisement itself is a problem.

Another person (17, he/him) called out “[OP], what do you think about kink at pride?” in a sort of nonchalant way, so I walked over while saying “i’m pro–kink at pride.” The conversation eventually moved in other directions, and then club ended and we had to go to our next classes.

TL;DR: given my position of power and responsibility as a GSA leader, AITA for being kinda condescending towards an ace person who’s 2 years younger than me because she was being very sex-negative about an ad for PrEP?

What are these acronyms?

[kerubimcrepin]

LIVEBLOG: Wakfu Season 4, Episode 2 [PART 1]

I miss the grittier, browner Bonta of older seasons...

Agardoes what Jorisn't.

(totally not a joke I've been making for months now)

Moooooom Yugo was MEAN to me. Ngl Qilby was so good in this season, his interactions with Eliatrope are filled to the brim with insane implications.

Even more movie asset reusage. Ughh. The tavern Kerubim talked to Bakara at would NOT still be standing. It's canonically underwater and underground and shit. Like the rest of Dofus era Bonta.

Kettle insulting a pan for being on fire.

Ush will only have the right to insult him if he can stop fucking cats. <3

Both of these are also asset reusages but I'm too lazy to track down from where. The woman is from Aux Tresors, and the man is from Wakfu season 2, is all I can tell without further inspection.

I'm sure there's more stuff I missed, but I'm already annoyed enough that they decided to cut costs at every single corner even without looking further into it...

He's still a catfucker. Sad, oh well.

My beautiful wife.

[start talking shit about Ush as loud as possible the second he is in a hearing distance, in an exaggerated, expository way]

This is some school locker bully behavior, made funnier by the fact that the person actually doing all the bullying is Ush.

The way Atch starts staring here, and Ush immediately says "not here to fight, lol" just confirms the fact that this conversation is 90% all about letting Ush know he is not welcome <3

Something that makes me extremely mentally ill is about to happen, chat.

When it's Wakfu cast, who are Joris's friends whom he wants to impress, it's all "Papa... you're being awfully selfish for not letting us go and fight together with you :))"

But when it's Ush, it's immediately "whether my little Jojo is home or not depends entirely on what the fuck you want from him." as if Joris isn't a 600yo politician and kind of should hear whatever Ush has to tell him, and as if there aren't huge eyes in the sky that he was interested in.

Conspiracy theory: one of the reasons Joris is still single (besides the aromanticism, horrible personality, misantrophy, 20 psychiatric disorders, not wanting to be in relationships—) is that 99% of people who have ever had a crush on Joris were afraid of disappearing under mysterious circumstances.

Kerubim's little mad, unamused look...

I want to point out, once again, that when you actually pay attention to the OVAs and this moment, Atcham and Kerubim always kinda... act like Joris is a child.

Joris expressed that the eyes in the sky concern him? They try to stop Ush from talking to him outright. Because they don't like Ush, because they don't want Joris to investigate this, and because they want him to stay home.

Joris expressed that he doesn't want them to fight Ush together with him because he doesn't want to see them hurt? They don't give a shit, and try to express that in the softest way possible that won't embarrass Joris in front of his friends.

It feels like a mix of holding Joris on a leash, but also trying to wrap him in a cotton wool. Sometimes it helps Joris, sometimes it's just patronizing.

Ngl they do have good reasons to protect their [checks notes] 600-year-old ambassador from this guy.

You have no idea what this moment means to us, Atcham fans. All three of us.

Kerubim's expression..... probably gauging how likely it is that Atcham might start screaming or clawing at something.

Words can't express how much of a Gift this entire scene is.

Atcham looks like he's about to lose his anger management badge. Kerubim looks like he's scared that Ush is going to die or kill Atcham in self-defense.

HE'S SO SCANDALIZED.

The anger management classes + not wanting to be arrested?

KERUBIM SO UNAMUSED.

Kerubim is probably so used to seeing Atcham freak the fuck out about things. It's his brother's special charm.

[wipes tear] He's learned to love the bomb.

...sorry for making references to the band glass animals. it will happen again,. if you dislike that maybe you should learn to love the bomb too.

[musicalmoritz]

do u hc any character on the aro/ace spectrum?

I love this question!! Unfortunately since TBHK is so heavily focused on romance, I don’t have many. Ofc aroace ppl can still date but fandoms tend to ignore the nuance of that statement and put them into relationships without considering what that means for them. I like to look at it a bit deeper because aroace headcanons do have some importance to me. My sister is aroace so every time I see a headcanon for a character being aspec I have to let her know lol. So before I get into this list I just wanted to say to any aroace ppl who see this, I love ya’ll, ya’ll are doing great <3

Nobody murder me, I’m going to explain. Typically I’m not a fan of aroace villains bcuz the trope has some nasty implications. That doesn’t mean no villain character can ever be headcanoned as aroace but I need some very good reasons before sticking with a headcanon like that. And for Tsukasa, I have my reasons!! A lot of fans tend to agree that he shouldn’t be in a relationship with anybody and that used to really annoy me because I don’t like the whole “this character is clearly mentally ill therefore they get no love” thing. I know it goes deeper than that with him being generally abusive but still. Eh. There are people with disorders that make them bad partners and those people are still very capable of getting therapy and improving. Plus most fans who say that claim to love toxic ships to like???

I’m not really a fan of any Tsukasa ships tho (I used to crack ship TsuAoi but those days are over) so I figured I would actually put some effort into giving a reason as to why he doesn’t do relationships. Rather than go the whole “he could hurt other people” route, I wanted to focus more about how Tsukasa himself would feel about dating. And to be honest? I don’t think he’d like it! He’s definitely interested in relationships as a concept but I don’t think he’s the type to take them seriously. I try to use this headcanon to humanize Tsukasa rather than demonizing him like a lot of people do with aroace villain headcanons. Love is very important to him on a platonic level but romance just isn’t his thing. And it creates a nice contrast in fics between him and characters whose lives center so much around romance. My sister actually is the one who introduced me to this hc and every aroace hc she has is law so I abide by it lmao

This one is way more recent but it makes so much sense to me. If you want to talk about characters who are more realistically potentially aroace, Tsuchigomori has never expressed the desire for a love interest in canon. When most adult male characters are single in fiction it’s seen as a problem (at least in a comedic sense), but with Tsuchigomori none of the characters question it. I feel like he has some level of interest in romance, maybe demiromantic?? But overall romantic attraction isn’t something he experiences easily

This one is more based on vibes and me hunting down every TBHK character that doesn’t have an arc connected to romantic attraction. I don’t think he realized it when he was alive because the people in his village didn’t talk about asexuality/aromanticism much. Maybe he thought he was gay but that didn’t quite feel right because his disinterest in women extended to everyone. He seems like the type to love being surrounded by people and be generally very personable, so his platonic relationships are very important to him. Just no romance

I know you specifically asked for aroace characters but I 100% see this man as demiromantic, and maybe demisexual too. Possibly completely asexual, though leaning more towards the positive side of the spectrum (or just neutral). Emotions don’t come easily to this man so love is a complicated subject but I do believe he’s capable of loving people romantically, just under specific circumstances and not in the traditional sense

I hope you liked these headcanons!! I’ve seen some others that interest me too. I once wrote a Sakuhiko request where they were both aroace and queer platonic, that was very fun. I’ve also seen both the Minamoto brothers written as asexual which is cool to me. Tbh I’m open to most types of headcanons unless I see one that inexplicably gives me the ick…but even then I mind my business bcuz I don’t have to agree with every headcanon I see. I may not have many aroace headcanons for TBHK but I have more for other fandoms, completely unrelated but I could write a whole essay on why Jean Valjean is aroace lol

[besttropeveershowdown]

The Most Annoying Trope Showdown: Round 1, Poll 29

Pair the Spares

Every or nearly every character who did not get together with someone during the story is paired off in the epilogue or very end. The characters are often shown having kids together as well

Propaganda:

This may just be my aromanticism talking, but it's annoying seeing everyone getting shoved into a relationship at the last minute. It doesn't even make sense most of the time. Let! People! Be! Happy! Single!

I am aroace and I hate this. just let them be happy on their own, don't just pair up characters for the sake of pairing them up, even if they have zero chemistry. this happens so often in all kinds of media, and fandom is also guilty of this. not everyone needs a partner! leave them alone!

I love romantic subplots but this is just amatonormative bullshit. It has all of the "romantic partner=happy ending" bullshit that fucks people up in real life, with none of the fluttery crush feelings or the angsty decisions. It doesn't add anything to the character arcs and is only detrimental to the themes of a work as a whole. It can cast a shadow over other romantic subplots in the series I might have enjoyed up until this point, because I start to wonder if those romances were really about the character/themes/plot, or if the writers simply think "leading lady goes with leading man, sidekick with sidekick, etc. etc."

It's fucking stupid. A lot of the characters that end up together either barely interact, make no sense or both. It also implies the only happy ending requires love and marriage. It makes no sense for some of the characters to want to settle down and have kids even if they are with someone they love.

Born Evil

A character that’s evil due to them being inherently “born evil”.

No propaganda was submitted.

[sky-kenobye]

13 books

What’s up readers?! How about a little show and tell? Answer these 13 questions, tag 13 lucky readers and if you’re feeling extra bookish add a shelfie! Let’s Go!

Thanks @willameena for the tag! :D

1) The Last book I read:

Idk if it counts since it's a graphic novel but the last thing I read was Bolchoi Arena, by Boulet and Aseyn. It's a sort of Ready Player One universe (less dystopic i think though). I really like it, but I'm waiting for the fourth volume to come out and there isn't a release date yet 😭

(I don't think there's an English translation (yet) so i can only recommend it if you speak french, sorry)

2) A book I recommend:

Iron Widow, by Xiran Jay Zhao. LOVED IT! I'm bad at recommending stuff but: big monsters, pacific rim style machines to fight the monsters, polyamory, ruthless woman, plot twists... So cool!

Also Loveless, by Alice Oseman, because it's about aromanticism and asexuality which is almost non-existent in... any media really, and that book is very dear to me.

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

All the ones I really like x) I struggle a lot with putting down a book once I'm into it. The first advice to fall asleep easier is always 'don't use your phone before bed, read a book instead!' but if I do that I won't even try to sleep, I'll just keep reading all night...

But I guess the one that I was the most surprised about not being able to put down is The Pillars of the Earth, by Ken Follet. I'm not particularly into historical books, and that's a huge book around the building of a cathedral, so I was a bit skeptical, but damn, it was great! It's over 1000 pages and I still managed to read it in less than a week while on a school trip.

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more):

So many of my childhood books. I almost spent more time re-reading my favorite stuff than reading new books lol. I think the ones I've re-read the most are Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, and La Quête d'Ewilan.

5) A book on my TBR:

So many. Soooo many. I keep buying books even though I don't read them, help.

I'll go with the Wayfarers series by Becky Chambers because I really want to read them, people keep recommending them, I have them (in a really cool edition), I can literally see them in my bookshelf right now, and yet I don't read them for some reason 🤷

6) A book I’ve put down:

Also a lot. If I manage to put a book down I can forget it exists in a couple of days, even if i loved it, and weeks later I'm like "oh shit, I never finished that book".

One of the few that I put down more or less on purpose is Silo, by Hugh Howey. I'm pretty sure I would like it if I kept reading but something happens only a few chapters in that put me off and kind of annoyed me so I never read the rest.

7) A book on my wish list:

Revenge of the Sith! And many other star wars books. The reason why I still don't have it is that I want it in english so I have to order it online from the UK probably, and between the shipping and the taxes from being from outside the EU (sometimes there are taxes, sometimes not, i don't understand how it works)(one time I had to pay taxes on my own clothes that I sent myself from the UK to France 😭😭 I'm still mad about it) it'll end up being way more expensive than it should, so I'm putting it off x) I looked for it when I was in scotland but they didn't have it :(

8) A favorite book from childhood:

The ones I mentioned in 4) were my all time fav, I can't think of any other right now even though I used to read a lot more books than i do now 🤔

9) A book you would give to a friend:

Honestly I would be so scared they didn't like it that I probably would never give a book to anyone unless they asked for it 😬 (except my family I guess)

Mayyybe a Dan Brown, like The Da Vinci Code? I feel like that would be a pretty safe bet, unless they hate the genre.

10) A book of poetry or lyrics that you own:

I don't think I have any? I had to read Alcools, by Apollinaire for the baccalauréat (french high school graduation exam) but I think it was my mom's copy and i honestly hated it. According to my teacher it was "cubist poetry" which, what? I was not smart enough to understand any of it, and it wasn't doing it for me.

(Literary analysis is my nemesis, I'm usually pretty smart but when I try to analyse a text it's just *no thoughts, head empty*)

I'm really picky about poetry so I don't really know where to start to read any.

11) A nonfiction book you own:

I don't have many: a few anthologies of queer stories, How to Invent Everything by Ryan North (literally what the title says lmao), Eject! Eject! by John Nichol (about the history of ejection seats, super interesting!), Les Guerres de Lucas by Renaud Roche and Laurent Hopman (a french graphic novel about George Lucas), and Tu mourras moins bête by Marion Montaigne (scientific stuff explained, but make it hilarious, also french comics)

12) What are you currently reading:

Ithaca, by Claire North, but I've barely started.

13) What are you planning on reading next?

No idea! Maybe Iron Flame, maybe The Priory of the Orange Tree, maybe Floating Hotel, maybe finally the Wayfarers series, maybe a random other book, who knows 🤷

If you've read all of that, thank you and congratulations!

Tags: @piecesofeden11 @sendpseuds @kingdomvel @bolshoiromanova @renlyslittlerose @intermundia @desmothene @arobiwan @cottonraincoat @starwalkertales @artbythedarkside @shakeskp @somethingsteff (I tried not to tag people I had seen tagged already)(but no pressure!)

[fnafs-ex-boyfriend]

I do not like vivziepop. Am I crazy

My confidence has been invigorated by a variety of posts I’ve seen. I have always been afraid to talk about this because I was worried I’d come off as those awful harassers who nitpick her shows just to be a douche.

I believe in separating the art from the artist. I still enjoy things like Buffy the Vampire slayer even if joss whedon is a piece of shit. And I really like the Hazbin/Helluva universe. I love these shows though I am critical of how they could be improved. However, I have discovered that I really dislike Vivziepop for a number of reasons.

For one, her treatment of her transgender characters is just really uncomfortable to me as a transgender man. I don’t know the full details of it, but i remember people saying a while back that she was transphobic about something. Now she has since apologized for it, but one thing I’ve noticed in her writing is that it feels like she’s trying to make up for it but like in the most obnoxious way possible. I don’t dislike Sally May per say, but her being so heavily pushed in the merch just feels so uncomfortable to me. Like, she had two lines of dialogue and has only been in one episode, but she gets so much merch and it’s somewhat off-putting. It feels like she’s just pandering and clapping herself on the back for this little crumb of representation that she so graciously gave us.

Another thing I really, really don’t like is her condoning of RadioDust. RadioDust, for those who don’t know, is a ship between Alastor and Angel. I always was super uncomfortable by it, but her comment about it really irks me. She says that she’s fine with any shipping of the characters and it makes me so angry. This means that she condones the erasure of Alastor’s aromanticism, which is canon, just to appease her fujoshi fans who just want to see the coolest male characters from the pilot fuck each other. Shipping aro characters is not condenable because it’s taking away the shred, the absolute crumb of representation we have just for shipping. And the fact that she’s totally okay with that sickens me.

Ok I guess that’s all I have but I’m sure that it will get worse when the Hazbin show comes out. To clarify some things though, I don’t think she was abusive to her coworkers or that she is a terrible person (I mean I’m not really up to date on all the drama so correct me if I’m wrong). I just find her missteps incredibly annoying. I really hope she does better though for the sake of her awesome shows. Please let me know if you feel the same way, I’ve always felt a bit alienated from my other friends who like Hazbin and Helluva. Happy pride and stay safe

[soudakuwunmoment]

hi can i talk about something please:) hi

theres a post going around about pride flags and their history and meaning. and it taught me the meaning of the aro flag

and i feel like this made me realize something that has annoyed me for a while now.

aromanticism is always portrayed as the shadow behind asexuality. its seen as an extension. people talk about asexuality, but i dont see as many people talking about aromanticism, unless its being tacked onto a discussion of asexuality.

and sure, they share similarities. lacking an emotion/desire that is deemed "required" by the general public, or "impossible" to not have. a basic human emotion. being sexual desire or romantic love.

but thats about it. they are parallels, but aromanticism is its own thing, its not an extension of asexuality.

"aroace" is a term i see many times more than just "aro"

its like you cant be aromantic unless you are asexual. and yeah, i know no one is saying that, no one thinks that. i dont think there are people who believe that sentiment. but when you go around only seeing aromantic as an extension of asexual or tacked onto the back of it, it gives the wrong message.

it could make you feel like you cant be aro unless youre ace (which compounds the confusion an aro person may already have with telling apart the two kinds of attraction)

it could give the message that aromanticism isnt as important, relevant or common as asexuality. it makes an environment where aromantic people only really have their own space when theyre grouped with asexual people - who are the exact opposite to them essentially.

and if you put people who feel primarily or only sexual feelings towards others in with people who look down on sex as "below them" (even if only in memes) then it can make aromantics feel as though theyre perverted or dirty, or "only like sex" which is not true in the slightest.

i just wish there was equal support for both of them and that aromantics could have their own space that doesnt primarily consist of people with basically the opposite issues to them, even if they parallel each other.

let me know if you have a different take or experience, because as an aromantic, this has been mine.

[mar64ds]

21 22 23

21. Is there something people in fandom do or say that makes you feel uncomfortable as an aromantic?

well yeah all the time. fandoms no matter what are always going to be ship focused, fandoms will ignore relationships that aren't romantic, fandoms will say things like 'friends dont do that' or 'they are more than friends' constantly, fandoms will never have the popular headcanon of a character be that they are aromantic, fandoms will tell you that aro headcanons are boring or annoying. i'm used to it, but i shouldn't have to be used to it

22. Do you have an opinion on romantically shipping aromantic characters?

if your first reaction to a character being aromantic is to wonder if you can still ship them or not then we have a problem here. it's a problem that you are so incredibly ship focused on the first place, and it's also a problem that you care more about shipping than about aromantic people getting representation, which we barely have at all. it doesn't matter if we tell alloromantic people that they should consider further if this character that is on the aro spectrum would genuinely want to date someone or if they're just saying that they would because you just need to ship this character, it doesn't matter what we tell them because a lot of people won't care, they will just complain about how annoying this situation is, because a character being aromantic is always an inconvenience to many people. if someone asked me if they can still ship an aro character i would ask them why do they care more about that than about learning more about aromanticism and all the different aro identities. but they only care about partening romance-favorable aros, which also sucks for partening romance-favorable aros because they deserve representation too, but not by people that don't actually care about them and just want these characters to be alloromantic

23. Free question: drop a random aromantic related fandom thought

the world would be a better place if we let aros have aro opinions about the media we liked. we can't complain about amatonormativity, we can't complain about the demonization of loveless people, we can't talk about anything because it's seemed as 'annoying' or 'not a big deal'. i think it's okay if we watch a story about the power of love and we can have a discussion about how while it can have good intentions it still ends up harming a lot of us, like we can have a really interesting conversation about this. but no people will just tell you to shut up and that you should go to therapy i guess

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Responding to this post:

No, love. Not every single character has to have a romantic partner to be interesting. It is okay for characters to end up alone. Or not have romantic experiences at all. No matter their sexuality. Aromantic and Asexual characters can exist and be a good representation of the queer community. Not only gay couples represent queer struggle.

---

Preach!

Also, I'd also like to give another facet of this idea: NOT EVERY ALLOROMANTIC/ALLOSEXUAL NEEDS TO BE IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. People can be attracted to others but simply choose not to enter relationships because of a variety of reasons: 1) maybe they don't think they'd make a healthy partner and need to focus on their other non-romantic relationships first, 2) being in a romantic relationship isn't in their priorities/values (as opposed to career, family, etc), 3) literally any reason at all.

I hate how one of the only ways to convince a fandom not to ship a character with another is to make the character not attracted to the other's gender--- regardless of whether it's a hetero or homosexual relationship. (im not talking about casual shipping, that's fine with me. im talking about those who get irrationally angry when someone does not agree with their ship, even going as far as harassing the content creators because the ship won't happen).

Because it's possible to have a character whose personality/aspirations do not align with a future romantic relationship. And disregarding this is like disregarding their whole character??

I've seen some creators make their characters/OCs aroace purely to avoid them being shipped with another. (I HATE how that just sounded. Let me be clear that this is NOT criticism towards anyone under the aro and/or ace umbrella. Aromanticism/Asexuality is REAL and valid. This is criticism towards those who have made romantic relationships seem like "THE goal" one should aim for.)

Even making characters siblings or relatives to avoid shipping, even if being an only child/having a small family shaped who they were as a person.

this isn't me screaming at you btw this is me screaming in general. no aggression was intended with the all caps.

i hope this didn't come off as offensive. please let me know if it did.

---------- orchard

Hey! You are totally right with all your points. This is exactly what I am talking about.

Characters are given romantic arcs or stories just to make them interesting without the neccesity of them needing a partner in that particular story. No matter their sexuality. Like you said, people would choose not to be in a relationship for a various of reasons. And that is fine. What I've seen in stories or fanfics is that the character who ends up alone in the end, has a sad ending or is tragic thing to have ended alone. (The phrase: They would find their one eventually. But for now they are happy...)

Which shouldn't be true!

Also, just because a character or some characters don't have romances doesn't mean they fall under the aro / ace / aroace umbrella.

Again, characters that are headcanoned as Aromantic / Asexual or both are most of the time not interesting enough. They are not attractive enough. They are portraited as childish or cold, almost not human. These characters should be interesting enough.

If we are improving the type of queer rep was that the only arc of the gay character was that they were gay, we should improve that for aro/ace/aroace characters as well.

Another important thing you mention. It is annoying that characters are instantly shipped when they have a good relationship or chemistry, without the premise of there being anything romantic between them. I mean, people are allowed to ship whatever they want to ship (regardless if is Canon or not) but we have to practice to see friendships or platonic relationships as well. I don't want to make characters siblings, or for example make them one attracted to another gender, or clarify that they are not romantically involved for them to not be shipped. People tend to just ship whatever they can. Pair characters with characters just because.

I don't know, this is mainly amanormativity's fault. It ruins the way we prioritize relationships. (Thinking the romantic one is more important than others). Just like heteronormativity ruined homosexuality before.

Let's give friendships and queer platonic relationships the importance they deserve as well. Characters should be interesting despite their sexuality, if they get into a relationship or not, or they end up with someone or not.

And if two characters get along, they should not be instantly shipped or pretended to end together. They could have another type of relationship as well.

[redysetdare]

As another non-split aroace, you're so correct for saying that we're treated as the punching bags of both aro and ace communities. Like if y'all can accept and support straight aros and aces but are hostile towards aroaces, you're just aphobic. Yes even if you're aro/ace yourself. Aro spaces nowadays literally have the same attitude towards aroaces that exclusionists used to have towards asexuals, that we're weird freaks bringing purity culture into their "safe" communities just by existing and therefore need to be pushed out. And ace spaces still act like we're the bad guys and need to be pushed out of their "safe" communities because we can't romantically love other people, which makes us heartless monsters apparently. It's just exhausting. I've never seen aroaces being so hostile towards non-ace aros and non-aro aces, we're always trying to uplift their voices and bring awareness to their issues. But the moment we try to talk about our own issues in aromantic or asexual spaces we're told to shut up and let them speak over us because we somehow have it better than them. Not to mention the pressure to split your experiences into aro vs ace and prioritise one part of your identity over the other if you want to be taken seriously in those spaces. Like sorry but for some of us our aroaceness is interwined not split. But we're still aros and aces, still a part of your community. Stop trying to push us out of our own communities on the basis of aphobic stereotypes.

Honestly I've been kinda biting my tongue on it for a while because I understand why Aro and Ace ppl have been trying to separate the communities. it can be frustrating to constantly be paired with an identity that you don't relate to - but i feel like so many ppl have taken it way to far. They've taken the relatively understandable stance of "Aromantic and Asexual are not the same identity" and pushed it to the extreme of "Aro and Ace are so completely different they have nothing in common and NO overlap" and the worst part is i don't think anyone has particularly noticed.

Idk I was most active in the aro and ace communities when we still kinda shared communities. the idea that aro and ace were separate was still a thing (hell, aroaces were the ones helping to push that distinction. we wanted people to recognize our aro identities too, yknow.) but we recognized the overlap and similarities and supported each other... now it just feels like im seeing post after post reminding people not every aro or ace person is aroace and that people shouldt tag aro posts as ace and vice versa and "no ace people cant relate to aro experiences" "no aro people cant relate to ace experiences" because "They are so different they are completely not the same and don't have any overlapping problems at all" and as an aroace it sucks!

it sucks feeling forgotten in my own communities.

It's almost feeling like they are blaming us for there being this idea that people are are Ace must also be aro and people who are aro must also be ace. Like they know they cant get mad at the allos so they get mad at aroaces and act like we are the reason allos think this way. It's like aroaceness is only brought up to talk about how "Not everyone is aroace" or "aroace characters are so much more prevalent in media (Proceeds to only talk about ace characters)" or how aroace ppl must have an identity that means more to them - how their aro or ace identity must be more important or effect them more because they can't possibly intertwined and overlap and "hey you tagged your post with aro and ace tags but obviously its only about aromanticism/only about asexuality so remove some of those tags because it's annoying me" or worse I see aromantics being acephobic or asexuals being arophobic and it's like.... where do i fit in?

people think aroace ppl ran both communities as 1 community and they say it was bad and that we need to separate - but from my perspective it was two communities who worked together. the only difference now is that aroace ppl are getting pushed to the side. thrown under the bus. "you dont need rep you have tons of rep. society loves giving aroace rep!" and "not everyone is aroace. you're experience isn't universal and so you shouldn't talk about it" Aroace voices just got smaller. we got quieter. because our own communities decided we were privileged. we were more accepted than they were. or worse that we were actually the real freaks for not feeling both sexual and romantic attraction. we weren't palatable enough - there was nothing that could be used to normalize us. and besides, it was easier to just only fight for one set of rights, right?

and part of me understands it. it sucks. it sucks to always be a footnote. but guess what - aro and aces and aroaces are footnotes of the queer community. we're stuck here together and instead we're fighting over who's the more important footnote. we are all in the same boat and we're acting like we're not and trying to sink the ship forgetting we're all on it together.

[semper-legens]

57. All Out, ed. by Saundra Mitchell

Owned: No, library Page count: 342 My summary: A collection of stories about queer teens through the ages - from a doomed soldier in 1870s Mexico to two girls mourning Kurt Cobain, from apprentice painters sketching a naked man to forbidden love in a sixteenth century convent, from two men making merry in Nottingham to who a rollerskating girl doesn’t kiss, this book collects stories across many LGBT+ identities. My rating: 3/5 My commentary:

Of course I picked this one up. I'm a sucker for LGBT+ fiction in general, and I have a habit of reading young adult literature despite the fact that I am nearing my thirties. It drew me in with the idea of retelling fairytales and telling stories of LGBT+ youth throughout the ages, the stories having taken place at various points in the past, ranging from the 1300s to the 1990s. While overall I liked the individual stories in this collection well enough, I do have to take issue with one specific aspect of the whole, which I'll get into under the cut.

First of all, before I begin to talk about individual stories, I must first address a glaring omission. See, this book has gay characters, lesbian characters, transmasc characters...and no real transfem representation. It could be argued that one character who contains multiple personalities, the most prominent of which is female, could be transfem, but that's still a drop in the ocean compared to the other identities. It was really obvious to me throughout that transfems weren't going to get a word in, which is annoying given that 1) they are obviously also a part of this community and 2) transfems are some of the most marginalised people in this community. If the editors and collectors of this book want to make a followup, there should be more transfeminine representation.

As always with short stories, I'm only going to discuss the few that jumped out to me. And the first of those is the very first story in the collection - Roja. It's a loose reimagining of the Little Red Riding Hood story, with the wolf in question being reinterpreted as a trans soldier boy nicknamed 'la Loupe', and the Red Riding Hood figure being a young woman thought to be a witch by her community. This is both an LGBT+ retelling and a Latina retelling, given that the action has been changed to 1870s Mexico and draws on the real-life story of Leonarda Emilia. I really liked this one! The romance between the two outcasts was sweet, and Emilia's stubborn refusals to give her lover up and let him be killed was really engaging, especially as this apparently begins her life as an outlaw.

The next story I want to talk about is The Dresser and the Chambermaid, and I'm really not sure how to explain my feelings towards this one. It features the slow romance of Mary and Susanna, a newly-appointed lady's maid and a chambermaid respectively in the palace, and their clandestine meetings below stairs. While I was greatly fond of the story (another of my weird special interests is the history of domestic service) I thought it was too brief for how vast in scope it was. The girls fall in love almost instantly and have a depth of attachment to each other that I found to be somewhat unrealistic given the short timeframe. Ideally, the story would have taken place over months rather than days - though I acknowledge that this wouldn't have made it a short story.

Finally, the last story I want to talk about is And They Don’t Kiss At The End. It's a simple little tale where a teenage girl in the 1980s tries to understand her lack of feeling towards a boy that she should be in love with, but isn't. I like the story's exploration of aromanticism in a time period where the term had not yet been coined; Dee really struggles to understand what it is she's experiencing and put a name to it. As an aro/ace, I get it. It can be hard to prove a lack of something as opposed to a presence of something, especially when that thing is as nebulous as attraction, and I think this story portrays that well, as well as the complicated emotions that can arise when someone's spent their life under a heteronormative culture.

Next up, a young girl is resigned to a life of taking on other people's sins.

[aro-comics]

Fashion

Fashion, 1/1 - I’M NOT DRESSING UP FOR ANY MAN UNLESS THAT MAN IS A POTENTIAL EMPLOYER AT A NETWORKING EVENT 😤😤

Ok but in all seriousness, like I mentioned in the disclaimer, this post was originally meant to be a lighthearted joke about this idea all too many of us (especially people who were perceived as girls growing up) have been told time and time again – that you’ll grow up and “fall in loooooooove” and then suddenly you’ll be transformed into the heteronormative ideal of a woman who’s hyperfeminine 🙄 … Yeah, I can’t stand it either, it genuinely makes me cringe to even type this 😫

But as I kept working on this, I realized that … this whole situation goes deeper than just aromanticism and proving your parents/guardians wrong about how you would be when you grew up. This entire joke, and my experiences, are tied with so many other things. There are so many factors to consider, like sexism, classism, environmental impacts, ableism, racism (just to name a FEW). And as usual, if I let myself start rambling this description is going to be waaay too long, even by my standards.

So I’ll summarize my general thoughts in the comments, but if you’re interested in this subject I’ve actually written (… and don’t judge me, PLEASE 😳) a 12 page informal essay covering everything from social factors to my personal speculations on where Aro fashion might go, which you can find a link to on my carrd or on my Tumblr (which will also have some extra art, btw 👀)!  

NOTE FROM ARTIST: Since this is the tumblr, I will be posting the essay in parts here shortly!! There have been a few logistics issues (since the essay is VERY long) but I promise I will try to get all the parts up and linked to each other shortly. Sorry for all the chaos ^^” If you’d like to see the whole thing all at once, though, you can always read it in the original google doc! 

(And as one last note: due to some hand problems – though I’m getting better now thankfully – I’ll be responding either on my computer or with voice to speech! If my responses read differently that’s why 😅)

[Image Description:

Slide 1: “When I was a kid, I hated the idea of fashion, makeup, and dressing up.”

Young Celia grimaces “ewww no!” as she tries to push away a lilac coloured dress being offered to her by an adult off screen, who asks her “Can you try it on please?”

Slide 2: “And all the adults would tell me –”

Shot switches to Celia’s back as she looks at two women in her family. The younger/taller woman who holds the dress says, “oh you’ll dress up one day, when you fall in ~looooove~”. Celia is unimpressed, and annoyed, very firmly stating “Never!!”

Slide 3: A flash forward through Celia’s life growing up, where she does not care much about looks/fashion. The panel is split into 3.

The top third is labeled age 7. She’s running into the forest, saying “Eh, it’s appropriate –” wearing a plain orange t-shirt layered over a light grey long sleeved shirt. Her hair is wild and unkempt and a written note says “Running around like a little gremlin”.

The middle third is labeled age 11. Celia is shown hiding in the shadows in the corner of her school building on the playground. She says: “Well, it’s BETTER if I look plain. It’s easier to blend in!” A piece of context is given to the side: I was an avid manhunt player and my strategy was hiding until late in the game.

The bottom third is labeled age 15. She sits hunched over at a desk with short, messy hair and bags under her eyes. It’s late and she’s still working on some assignment.

“Dressing up? That’s … a luxury that nobody has time for,” she says. A note to the side says: Unhealthy work habits from school.

Slide 4: “And I hate to admit it but … they were right about wanting to dress up eventually” Celia ponders with a slight bit of embarrassment now, at her current age. Her outfit is an orange tank top paried with matching orange barrettes.

Slide 5: Note at top of slide: “At a special networking event”. Celia stands bewildered as she stares into the room of the networking event. A projector slide shows the event is called “Climate action lab”. In the distance, two well dressed young professionals talk.

Slide 6: Celia shown from the front now. She is wearing a very plain/somewhat weirdly cut long sleeved plain shirt with old black jeans (in essence. Not something you would wear to a business casual event). She looks a bit uncomfortable, and says “Oh shit, I really gotta up my fashion game …”

In the background two other people (who are also, appropriately dressed for the event) talk. The shorter man says “actually, I’m an environmental scientist to a tall girl who responds “that’s cool!”

Slide 7:

A montage.  At the top left, Celia is shown immediately after the event on her phone, making a note to herself to research business wear when she gets home. Then, in the center right, she is seen typing furiously as she researches on pinterest with a notebook open to her side. At the bottom left, she has already gotten a haircut, has some new hair clips and her now ubiquitous turtleneck top with a green gemstone ring strung on a necklace (which is split in orange and white). She is holding up a spring green puff sleeved blouse with white collar/sleeve details.

The sentence “I WANT TO BE A PROFESSIONAL” is written between all of these scenes.

Slide 8: Celia drawn shrugging nonchalantly now. “It really would have been a lot easier if my parents just told me as a kid “it’ll help you get a job you like”]

[toixxx-ace]

I watched Jaiden's video and I've been perusing the trending tags (first asexual, and then aromantic, but never aroace for some reason?) and I think I've discovered why I get hives when I hear someone call a living human being "representation"

When we think of representation, we think of politicians who serve as a symbol for a state/country, we think of cartoon characters showing an artistic likeness to an identity. I think issues begin arising when we start apply this logic onto random people, especially for things we cannot choose.

I have recently, in the span of 48 hours seen the reaction to Jaiden's coming out as being excited for the aroace representation to doing a complete switch and being annoyed because she wasn't representing aroace people enough. But it would do good to remember that this video isn't an educational essay on aromanticism, asexuality, the intersection, etc etc. This video is a deeply personal account of Jaiden's experience with being aroace, with a few quick and simple definitions for the audience watching who has no idea what any of those words mean. This is not a run-down of all aroace identities, and she never presented this video as end all be all of what it means to be aroace.

We don't expect one Black Youtuber to speak for the thoughts and feelings of ALL Black people. We don't expect one trans Youtuber to speak for the thoughts and feelings of ALL trans people. We know that this is a ridiculous assumption (or at least I HOPE we do). So why are we doing this to Jaiden? Why can't she just make a coming out video?

Well, it's because the online community, aroace or not, has deemed her representation! Which means she is going to be criticized and held on a pedestal on the same level as a politician and cartoon character. I don't think Jaiden made this video hoping to become a shining beacon pointing to the aroace community, she just wanted to talk about her experiences and let her audience know. Jaiden doesn't seem like a person who wants a bunch of their personal life online, she seems to be very strategic with what she does put online (which I completely respect). I don't think she wanted to be representation.

And Jaiden's video has been super helpful to a lot of people. Hell, I know I related to a lot of it and it's definitely helped clear up a few things for me. But I know that I am not representation for the entire aroace community, I know Jaiden isn't.

[chiafett-moved]

Autistic Fox Masterpost

You heard it here, folks, CC-1010, everyone’s favorite red commander, is autistic.

Fox's Autism Subtype is Hypercompetent But At What Cost

He masks a lot and can go for hours at a time, but it's really tiring and he has to spend a lot of time alone to recover

He has a few scripted conversations that get him through most of the day, but if you deviate from the norm you will stop him in his conversational tracks

Fox has atypical empathy. He forms deep connections to a select group of people and has a very hard time letting them go or sharing them with others. With those not in his group, he generally couldn't care less.

It's not that Fox doesn't understand what other people are going through, it's that he has a hard time putting himself in their shoes and feeling what they must be going through. He has intellectual empathy, but he's a little short on emotional empathy.

On that note, he's aromantic of the sort where it's like, "why would I date you? I don't know you and you're going to bang your teeth against my teeth, bite me, put me in an uncomfortable position, and then steal my clothes and try to make small talk." His aromanticism is definitely linked to his autism and that's okay! He's valid! I'm valid! All aromantic autistics are valid!

That being said, he does like to share time and space with his Special People. You know Fox loves you if he just moves into your space and Does Not Move Out Again. Has he talked in five hours? No. He's showing affection by giving you his favorite water glass.

Fox loves routine. Even though he rarely keeps the same hours from one day to the next, he has rituals and patterns he goes through in the same way every time that make things tolerable. For example, he always takes his caf the same way. He puts his armor on in the same order every time. He has the same conversation with Thorn Every Day and it's annoying but Thorn loves him too much to tell him to stop.

One of his special interests as a kid was foxes. That's all I think I need to say about that one.

Favorite stims include pressure, the texture of one specific part of his vambrace, rocking back and forth on his feet, and whistling in that weird text-tone way (which is really scary when your name is Quinlan Vos and you're sharing a hotel room and it's the middle of the night and you didn't know Fox Just Does That sometimes).

Can hyperfixate on work if he times his caf consumption and ritual completion right, the absolute MADLAD.

Bonus headcanon: Quinlan Vos has ADHD (more on this later) and they are obsolutely the kind of ADHD/autistic pair that clashes HORRIBLY. Quinlan can never sleep at night and Fox is always tired. Quinlan can't stand other people's motor stims and Fox can't stop flapping his hands. Fox gets an anxiety tic and Quinlan's ADHD adopts it (yes that's a real thing yes it's annoying). They don't get along until one of them's nonverbal and the other's infordumping.

That's all for today, folks! Tune in next time for Hunter Autism Headcanons!