#lets think abt these three for a moment' and that moment became. a few months.

[auras-moonstone]

hiii i rlly love ur writing so if u cld write this i’d actually pass out ‼️

u can pick urself if it’ll be jack, Ethan, hockey player Ethan or even smth else! But what im thinking abt is like where he breaks up with reader because hes convinced he lost his feelings towards her but later on realized he didnt?? Hope u have a good day 🙁

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ all you had to do was stay

ᡣ𐭩 word count: 1.4K

ᡣ𐭩 pairing: hockey player!ethan landry x fem!reader

ᡣ𐭩 summary: convinced his feelings are gone, ethan breaks up with y/n. when he wins the championship, he realizes he made a mistake.

ᡣ𐭩 contents/warnings: heartbreak. angst. make-up. fluff.

ethan truly thought his feelings for y/n had washed away. but it’s wasn’t until now, looking around the arena for her, having just won the hockey championship, that he realized that maybe he had rushed into conclusions and fucked everything up.

the team went to a bar to celebrate, and while his teammates drank and danced, ethan moped by the bar with a drink in his hand, replaying in his head, like a sad movie scene, the moment he ended things with y/n.

why had he been so stupid? he had set in his mind the idea that hockey should be above everything and anyone else, that it was the only thing that mattered. and not only he had managed to slowly tear the most important bond in his life, but he had also fooled himself into thinking the feelings weren’t there anymore.

“hey, man. i’m going home, tara’s waiting for me. talk to you later?” chad asked.

ethan forced a smile and nodded. “yeah, go. i’m leaving in a few, too.”

chad walked out of the bar, and ethan’s heart reached another level of heaviness. his best friend was going home to celebrate with his girlfriend, he had managed to maintain his relationship while having the exact same responsibilities than ethan. the difference? chad had never failed to find balance and see how important life outside hockey was. ethan hadn’t, and now that hockey was over for a while, he realized he had nothing left.

with an emptiness no amount of drinks could ever fill, he walked back to the dorms, where some people were still on cloud nine from the win. he was congratulated, patted in the back, yet he could not enjoy his win completely. not when the guiltiness and regret lingered heavily over him. was it too late to try get back on track the relationship he had drove off the road?

the celebration was certainly overwhelming for y/n because everything reminded her of ethan and the way he had locked her out when she was letting him in. hell, she was ready to say the l-word when he pushed her aside. the way he had broken her heart was one she remembered all too well, every word, every expression, every little movement.

ethan hovered over her, standing as she sat on the couch. frown on his face, pained expression, as if the act of letting out the words physically hurt him. “i don’t think i- i’m not sure if i… still have feelings for you. i don’t know, i just, it’s not the same as it was a months ago. it’s as if something is missing.”

“did it cross your mind that maybe the problem is that you put hockey first?”

“y/n that’s my future. of course i’m going to put hockey first.”

“sorry, let me rephrase that. did it cross your mind that maybe the problem is that hockey is all you care about? because it’s always about that. you have stopped having time for me since you became captain. do you even remember the last time you stayed over? that we went on a date? that we spend time together without you worrying over the championship or some other fucking match?”

“y/n…” he sighed.

“well, i can remember. three months, that was the last time you acted like a boyfriend. something was indeed missing in this relationship. you.”

“hockey is everything to me, y/n/n.”

“yes, and that’s the fucking problem, ethan. your whole life can’t revolve sorely on a sport. but you clearly can’t see that, so this is useless.”

that was the last time she spoke to him, but not the last she had seen him. it was impossible not to do that, he was blackmore’s hockey star, he was fucking everywhere. she, on the other hand, managed to hide in the shadows, so she made sure she stayed hidden and not bump into him. until now.

she was leaving tara’s dorm when her eyes caught his wide frame. her feet became one with the floor, not allowing her to move. like magnet, his attention quickly fell on her.

“y/n” her name fell out of his mouth absentmindedly.

at the sound of his rough voice, she snapped out of her daze. her lips parted, but she didn’t know what to say. and then his feet kept going until he was standing right before her. was it too much to ask to disappear?

“hi.” he said after a couple of seconds of silence.

“hi.” her soft voice warmed his heart, and he had to put his hands in his pockets to stop himself from bringing her into his arms. “um… congratulations. on the win.”

“thanks.” for the first time in the night, he truly felt like smiling.

“shouldn’t you be celebrating?” why was she still talking to him? her brain screamed ‘get out of here’ while her heart told her to stay.

“i wasn’t feeling it.” ethan shrugged.

y/n frowned. “you… weren’t feeling it? ethan, what are you talking about? you’ve worked so hard for this win.”

ethan let out a humourless laugh. “the funny thing is… it wasn’t until i lifted the cup that i realize that i wasn’t happy with the win.”

the girl blinked, trying to make sense of what he was saying. ethan landry, the boy who lived for hockey, was saying he wasn’t happy with winning a championship. what was wrong with the world? “i don’t understand.”

“what is succeeding if you don’t have anyone to celebrate it with? that trophy was a reminder of what i pushed away in order to get it. it made me feel miserable.”

“ethan…”

his sad gaze found hers. “what i’m trying to say is that i miss you, and that the win means nothing if you’re not with me. i looked around the stands, you weren’t there and it felt like a punch to the gut.”

she was certainly not ready to hear that. “let me remind you it was what you wanted, you ended it, ethan. you put hockey first, and it got us here.” maybe she was being a bit harsh, especially after he was pouring his heart out.

“i know. fuck. don’t i know it.” he was not going to cry. if y/n somehow managed to find it in her to forgive him, it was not going to be out of pity. but he wanted to sob so badly. “i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. i was so fucking blind, and i hurt you.”

hurt was an understatement. ethan had absolutely broke her, and she had been trying to pick up the pieces of the mess he had made.

“i want to punch myself for everything i’ve done. for taking this long to realize i made a huge mistake. i don’t want for my life to revolve around hockey.”

y/n nodded. “that’s a good realization.”

“i don’t know what to say. there’s no justification for what i did, i was stupid and that’s the only truth. i… i want us back.” the anguish was written on his face. “i don’t know what to do to fix it.”

“all you had to do was stay… you had me in the palm of your hand. i would’ve done anything for you.”

“i know, you were too good for me. and i promise you i’ll work everyday to be the person you deserve, if you let me.” he put a strand of hair behind her ear. “i’m never making the same mistake again. i love you. you don’t have to decide now, take as long as you need. i’d wait forever.”

“you know it can’t be like before, right? you can’t keep this relationship in the lowest rank of your priorities.”

“i know, and i won’t. i love hockey, going professional is still my goal but now i know that my dream isn’t only hockey, is having you by my side while i play it.”

y/n slowly broke into a smile. “i would hate to see you succeed without me.” she grimaced as soon as the words clicked. “shit, that sounded so awful. i didn’t mean that i don’t want you to succeed unless you’re with me. that would be so bitchy, and i know you hurt me but i would neve-“

ethan couldn’t help himself, he cut her rambling with a soft kiss. “you’re the absolute cutest. i love it when you ramble.”

“it’s rude to interrupt someone, landry. you need to learn some manners.” she gave him a quick peck. “i guess i’m taking you back, or whatever.”

the hockey player smiled like a little kid and lifted her up on his arms. “i love you. did you know that?”

“i know it now. and i love you, too.” she wrapped her legs around his waist. “now, let’s go celebrate, captain.”

“fuck, yes. i have so many ideas.” the mischievous glint in his deep brown eyes made her stomach swirl.

“i’m down for anything if it’s with you.”

[ahdkshax]

for some reason ive been thinking really hard abt this platinum au thats been in development for a few months but rn im specifically thinking abt mythology in this whole thing... so like. im gonna talk abt that here lol

the overview of the entire basic mythology base for this au is a couple different things:

dialga and palkia are not two separate entities--its just the illusion of two.

where origin ore came from and what it actually is. bc like. in pla it felt really forced in yk. but i didnt like that so im changing it, but im also keeping it bc im swiping at least some of the idea from pla lol

what the fuck is the red chain. no like seriously its so ambiguous

and because i do enjoy reworking things very much i gave setups for these changes within the mythos itself. is all of it relevant? at this point, no. but i like to think about it so im gonna share it with whoever wants to hear it

it starts with the beginning, which, well, the first gesture matches pkmn canon (arceus hatches out of an egg. awesome). but then i thought hey. let's start by changing this right Now.

(long post!)

arceus hatches out of its egg, the first thing alive in all of reality. it looks around and down to see its shadow, something scholars of the modern day and long past debate if that was around before arceus or if the shadow was formed the moment arceus came into being--either way, theres a shadow here and arceus isnt alone.

arceus is curious when its young and not fully grown, so it chases the shadow around. the two twins change forms together--arceus is just happy to play with the shadow that dances along its feet. and with this love for the shadow at its feet, a deep spiritual connection is formed between the two. this connection allows the shadow to do more than just mimic--it creates its own form, yet its still tied to arceus and still mirrors is, just no longer fully perfect as an unfeeling shadow should be.

arceus plays with the shadow for days and days until it finally gets tired of puppeting it around with its every whim--its become more of an extension of the only being in the world instead of someone new--and so arceus cut the connection with the shadow.

but, instead of melting into the ground opposite of arceus like it was supposed to, to return to nothing more than a reflection, the shadow stayed, and, for once, didnt mirror arceus. within its smoky and blurry form, it adopted the red of this connection in its skin as stripes and rings. this was the second being to ever exist, the divine twin giratina--not an evil being as is often thought, but a simple shadow to the first one, given life through adoration and a blood-red bond.

this was not the only being created from this bond, as once it was broken, the chain connecting the puppet and puppeteer broke into three parts, known as will, knowledge, and emotion--all of which together created what is known now as spirit.

delighted by the new friends, arceus, its twin, and the spirit triplets danced and played for days upon days until one day the triplets became tired, yet they had no place to rest. saddened by this realization, arceus looked inward and created the earth within its chest out of care for the triplets--a beautiful place to live, infused with the connection it had to the triplets, manifested as glowing red ore.

while arceus could not look at the earth by itself with its eyes, it made sure to give it three spots for the spirit triplets to rest: a lake, all surrounding a mountain that would lead back to arceus and out of the world.

time passed and arceus began getting tired from holding this universe in its chest--despite the spirits being able to, arceus was now no longer able to. it was thinking about destroying the world just for some respite from its creation, until giratina approached with an idea: arceus was made of thousands of arms and legs and eyes and bodies--if arceus were to cut off parts of its grand form, it might just be possible to create something that could hold the world instead of arceus itself.

and so the twins got to work, cutting limb from limb from arceus until enough was taken off that a great beast could be created. arceus, already exhausted from holding a universe and now being cut up thousands of times, refused to put the being together, as it would only cause more pain. so giratina was given the honors of sewing the being together, taking great care in every golden stitch that was placed along its legs and back and belly.

after days of creation, the creature was almost finished aside from a gap in its chest. into this hole was where giratina, with the permission from arceus, reached into the creator's chest and pulled the world out. carefully, giratina placed it into the chest of the great beast, then covered the hole with armor to make sure no one else could steal it from its resting spot.

when the beast finally awoke from its cruel creation, it was furious with its creators, so much so that arceus had to lock it away so it would not harm anyone. giratina objected, saying it would be best to let the beast be angry at its existance, yet arceus refused to listen. it was only until giratina betrayed arceus by letting the beast out of its cage did it have the chance to be righteously angry, to be furious at its creators, and yet arceus locked it away again, this time commanding giratina to pluck out the beasts thousand eyes, so that it could not even see its creators any longer or use its divine glare. if it could not see what it hated, it would surely lose interest, arceus thought.

giratina, disgusted with what it and arceus had done, stood up again to arceus, refusing to punish the creature any more--to which arceus banished giratina, creating a prison for it to wander in its chest. it would be a perfect prison, except that giratina would be crafty and persuasive, finding ways to travel from this distorted world to the universe arceus had created--as the two were made of the same flesh, their universes would be intertwined.

[queer-enderdragon]

soo like, do you have favorite ships (what are they :3)? or do you multiship? just curious

well i do multiship a lot tbh, more with hermitcraft bc there's just. so many combinations and they are all so good in their own little ways

but i also have some favorites! like grumbo, convex, poly hermit gals, jleo, poly architechs, treebark and (rare pair alert) stress x grian/stress x etho/stress x grian x etho :D

[holylulusworld]

New Beginnings (8) FIN

Request: Was thinking something angsty with Sebastian Stan & reader. His friend maybe tells him that she's not nice & is behind his fame & money so she's acting all nice. Once when she's talking abt someone else Seb thinks she's actually talking abt him. He acts cold towards her & throws her out on her b'day. He insults her in front of everyone & tells everyone how bad she is. She leaves the country & changes all the contacts. Seb sees her after 2yrs, with his child. Idk a happy ending???

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Characters: OFC Matteo Christopher, Chris Evans, OC Jason, unnamed manager

Warnings: angst, arguments, daddy!Sebastian, shared custody, fluff, getting back together, light smut, unprotected sex, cuddling & snuggling

A/N: Matteo’s lines miss some words etc. on purpose. He’s two years old and doesn’t speak fluently.

A/N2: This part got inspired by Neffex’s ‘New Beginnings (I did not use all lyrics). Lyrics in Italics.

You love me not masterlist

I needed something

Someone to trust in

I needed something

To get me through this life

“Baby girl, you feel so good,” his rough hands move over your thighs to grip your flesh tightly. “Fuck, I almost forgot how well you take my cock.”

“Seb, not so loud,” you try to keep the noises low. Matteo cannot see you and Sebastian tangled in each other, skin sweated-slicked and voices hoarse. “Matteo could wake.”

“It’s just,” he begins to pump harder into you, moans against your lips wiht every hard thrust. “I need you to cum, baby. I don’t know how long I can hold back. I’ve missed this too much.” 

You claw at his back, try anything to hold tight onto Sebastian. He searches your lips, greedily claims your mouth, almost devouring you. “I—I’m going to.”

Sebastian swallows your screams with his lips, tries to make sure his son won’t hear the lustful noises leave your lips when you come undone underneath him. 

“Just let go, baby. All I want is to feel you fall apart for me,” he groans against your lips. His cock twitches violently and you realize, too late, both of you forgot to think about protection. “Shit, that’s it.”

“Ah fuck,” Sebastian laughs into your neck when you shudder underneath him. “We forgot a condom. Seb, we are no horny teens. What did we do?” whilst he slips out of you, not a care in the world, you think about the consequences of your irresponsible behavior.

“Maybe we made another mini-me,” he looks at you, smirking like the devil himself. “I wouldn’t be too sad having another baby with you. We could make a whole football team.”

“Sebastian,” he rests his head on your chest, sighing against you. “We can’t have another child. Not now. We should find a way to get back together first.”

“I think we are on a good way, right?” Sebastian hopes you will agree to permanently move in with him. All he wants is to have you and Matteo in his life. Everything else became unimportant the moment he saw his son for the first time. “I will do anything to make things work between us.”

“Seb, baby,” you run your fingers through his hair, gently massaging his scalp. “If you want this to be a new beginning, you, and I, need to talk about a few rules.”

“Rules. Sounds good to me,” close to drifting into sleep Sebastian fights to keep his eyes open.

“Hmm…I’m tired,” closing your eyes you struggle to stay awake. “I think we should talk about rules and living together tomorrow. We should get some sleep.”

“How about having a shower first? We can check on Matteo and sleep a bit,” he cages you with his arms to place a chaste kiss on your lips. “Come one, dirty girl. I’m going to get you clean.”

We're just cruising right on through this life with a playlist

And everything is right

Three months later, ...

“Pancaka, dadda,” Matteo happily munches breakfast while you watch his father hover over him like a mother hen. He pecks Matteo’s hair, smiling when you give him a soft smile.

“What does mommy want to eat this morning,” he points the spatula at you, a cocky grin on his lips. “Name it, sweet cheeks.”

“I’ll go for pancakes too, Mr. Stan,” watching Sebastian dance around the kitchen you giggle. He rolls his hips while singing along to the song playing on the radio. “Whoa, you are quite a dancer this morning.”

“I always was a great dancer,” he bumps his hips into yours. You giggle again, fighting his hands when he grasps for your hand to begin to dance with you. “Look at your mommy, she’s a great dancer too.

“Momma, dadda,” Matteo squeals. He freaks out watching you and Sebastian dance around the kitchen. “Dance!”

“Yeah, your mommy and I will dance together for the rest of our lives,” Sebastian sways to the music until his phone begins to ring. “We will dance some more later, sweet cheeks.”

“I’ll keep you up on the promise, Mr. Stan,” you peck his lips, smirking when he eagerly kisses you back. “Do not forget about it.”

Never really thought I would make it

Found someone who I don't think I'll ever replace and

I'm emptying my heart so, you can just take it

I’m living my best life

“I won’t, baby. Lemme just answer the call,” Sebastian frowns when Jason’s name flashes up on his display. His lawyer never calls on a Sunday morning. “Hey, Jason. Whoa, slow down. What happened?”

“Seb? Is something wrong? Baby, tell me what happened,” watching Sebastian’s features darken and his hand balls into a fist you know something must’ve happened. “Baby?”

“That fucking bitch,” Sebastian spits. He takes deep breaths to calm his anger. “Jason, do your very best and thank you for your call. I’m sorry that bitch is ruining your Sunday too.”

“Dadda, bad word,” Matteo Christopher looks up at his father with big wide eyes. “Dadda mad?”

“No, baby boy,” whilst you run one hand over your son’s head, you watch Sebastian pace the kitchen like a caged animal. “Sebastian, what’s wrong. Talk to me, baby.”

“She’s doing it again,” he sniffs, wiping his eyes. “I thought Sarah got the message and that she will leave me the fuck alone now. But no, my manager called Jason and told him about an interview. Now he tries to stop her from talking trash about you and me.”

“That fuck—,” you bite your tongue, not wanting to use a bad word in front of your son again. “I will scratch her eyes out and kill her.”

“Relax, baby girl. Jason tries anything. He called the interviewer and their boss. I will sue them all if I must. No one will talk shit about my family,” you bring Sebastian in your arms, run your hands soothingly over his back. “Three months ago, I had hoped Sarah got the message, now I know better.”

“We will not let her ruin our new beginning, Sebastian,” you peck his lips to calm your angry boyfriend. “Sarah won’t win, not this time. She already has stolen two years of our life and relationship.”

“Why did I never realize she’s the worst? How could I be friends with her for so long? I can’t wrap my head around the fact she still tries to ruin our family,” he whispers against your hair. “I love you and will not let her hurt you again. “

“I love you too,” you lean your head against his shoulder, try to push the fear away. “We will not let her ruin our relationship again. You, Matteo, and I are a family now, and we will not give this up.”

And I feel so alive

With you by my side

We can make a life

I've got nothing to hide

Driving so fast

Every town passed

Never look back

We're good at that

'Cause I feel so alive

Damn you look good tonight

“Ms. Y/L/N, please calm down. I tried anything to stop the interview, sadly the interviewer and her boss won’t stop. Sebastian’s newest film will come out in a few days, and they want their fifteen minutes of fame.”

“What will we do now?” you pinch the bridge of your nose, try to find a way to ruin Sarah’s plan. “WAIT!”

“Do you have an idea?” Sebastian nervously rubs the back of his neck. “Babe, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

“I know we wanted to keep our relationship a secret for a while but,” you bite your tongue, thinking about what you are about to say, “if we want to beat that bitch, we should go public. Let’s go to the premiere together, show her we are back together and stronger than ever.”

“That’s not the worst idea, Sebastian,” Jason looks at Sebastian’s manager, waiting for confirmation. “What do you think?”

“I told them to go public weeks ago, right after Sarah tried to sue Y/N. If we do it now, no one will be interested in Sarah’s little story. Especially if we reveal Sebastian and Y/N have a son,” Sebastian’s manager says.

“No pictures of Matteo!” you jump up to glare at Sebastian’s manager. “I told you we will not use my son, ever. If she wants to talk trash about me fine, but no one will drag my son into this shit show.”

“Y/N, we will not show pictures of our son,” Sebastian gently runs his hand over your back, “promised. But Jason ain’t wrong. If we tell them we are a family, and that Sarah repeatedly tried to ruin our relationship, she can say anything she wants to say, no one will believe her.”

“So, what are we going to do now?” you ask, grasping for Sebastian’s hand. “Will we go to the premiere and just tell everyone we are a happy couple or—”

“Over here, Sebastian!” the reporters freaked out the moment you attended the red carpet with Sebastian. Now they try to get you to talk to them. “Who is the pretty girl by your side?”

“Nice to see you here,” Sebastian smirks, not giving away too much. “Oh, you are more interested in my fiancé than my movie, I’m hurt.”

“Fiancé? Where did you meet? For how long are you in a relationship? What’s her name?” question after question gets thrown at Sebastian but he remains calm.

“Well, we met a few years ago and fell in love. Sadly, we parted ways for a while, but now we are back together,” you hold his hand a little bit tighter, knowing he will talk about your son now. “It was my fault but,” he dips his head to kiss your cheek softly, “this wonderful woman gave me a second chance.”

“Did you cheat on her? Why the breakup?” the reporters yell at Sebastian. “Who broke things up?

“Do you know the kind of movie in which the so-called best friend tries to ruin her friend’s relationship out of jealousy? That’s what happened to Sebastian and me,” you jump in, smiling sweetly into the camera. “Luckily Sebastian and I got back together and, we will raise our son as a family.”

“Son?” you smirk when the reporters begin to focus on you and Sebastian. They barely recognized Chris and Anthony joined you on the carpet.

“We should head inside. I think this was enough,” Chris whispers. “We beat Sarah with her own weapons.”

We're driving through rain riding through sun and looking at plains

We're cruising through towns moving all around but you stay the same

We like to runaway we're ditching all our pain and living for today

We're driving so fast wanna make it last we'll do it our way

Sebastian waves into the camera, smiles widely before he leads you inside, ignoring the screaming reporters and flashes illuminating the night.

He only feels your fingers intertwined with his, and the weight that got lifted off his chest.

And I feel good at night

Full moon the only light

You make me feel like

I'm doing alright

I feel good inside

Maybe a little high

You make me feel like

Everything will be alright

“Noooo!” at the other end of town Sarah throws her phone against the wall. She’s cursing your name, knowing she just lost Sebastian forever. “That bitch! She ruined everything once again! No!”

“Looks like she didn’t give that interview. What a shame,” you snuggle into Sebastian’s chest, smiling when he runs his hand over your back. 

“Yeah, I was burning to hear how I ruined her life and your friendship, baby. Maybe we should invite her to our wedding,” you giggle into his chest. “Seb, I’m glad we try again.”

“I’m glad you gave me a second chance. Now,” he flips you over to crawl down your body, “I will devour you and try to get you pregnant again. Matteo and I agreed we want a little sister for him…”

And I feel so alive

With you by my side

We can make a life

I've got nothing to hide

Driving so fast

Every town passed

Never look back

We're good at that

'Cause I feel so alive

Damn you look good tonight

And I feel so alive

With you by my side

We can make a life

I've got nothing to hide

Driving so fast

Every town passed

Never look back

We're good at that

'Cause I feel so alive

Damn you look good tonight

THE END...

You love me not Tags

@thequeenreaders​​, @aubageddon91​​, @adayinmymeadow​​, @imsonick​​, @selluequestrian​​, @mccloudchloe​, @harrison-shot-first​, @shakemeupthanks-blog​, @bvckys-doll​​, @firefly-in-darkness​​, @marvelgirl7​​, @spideysimpossiblegirl​​, @sebastian-i-stan​

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@novawillowbarnes

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Marvel Tags

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Bucky Barnes/Sebastian Stan Tags

@marshyrebelcloud​

@buchanan-lover​

@rosalynshields​

@neii3n​

@jane-dough​

@hinata7346​

@sociallyantisocialbutterfly​​

[solasan]

mollie please i am begging on my hands and knees for some sivala thoughts …. some ideas … 👉👈😳

im gonna combine these for organisation purposes but thank u @montliyets I Love You and i am kissing u on the head 🥰 🥰 🥰

🥺 omg sophie aaaa thank u for askin, i have many sivala Thots take them all <333

born on chandrila to 2 very loving parents who, because of the enforced low birth rate on the planet, were Super Not Down with letting the jedi have her; she was three when she was brought to coruscant (a little bit on the older side for a jedi youngling), so she remembers them in bits and pieces, but not super well.

that does mean her early years in the temple were uhhh...... tumultuous. she didn’t really want to be there and she made that Very Clear lmao. probably very nearly did get returned to her parents bc of all the trouble she caused, but she eventually settled in (with some guidance from her eventual master, yasta kivallo).

she matured into a very considerate and intelligent jedi knight. became a consular, rather than a guardian, bc of her skills in observation and persuasion; she’s probably one of the best negotiators the jedi order have, except for obi-wan himself. if things had been different, she might’ve ended up in the senate, ironically.

a few years after tpm, sivala took on a padawan; vuren passik, a rutian twi’lek. he actually becomes a knight a few months into the clone wars bc the jedi are desperate for fighters, and his death in the temple during order 66 is one of the biggest tragedies to shape sivala.

(another one being yasta’s death during the battle of felucia </3. siv loses everyone lmao).

her and obi-wan fight side by side quite a bit during the war; by rots they consider each other friends rather than just allies, and he rly helps her with her grief over yasta, since he knows what it’s like to lose a master. they’re both very skilled negotiators and they work very well together (after an adjustment period, they quickly get on the same wavelength in those kinds of settings), so they get pretty used to working together off the battlefield as well as on.

he kind of assumes she’s dead after order 66 (since she very nearly was) and although she knew he survived the initial massacre bc of the message sent out to the jedi, the years pass without even a whisper of him, and she just kind of... figures he must’ve been killed at some point?

and yknow. the force has gone quiet. she felt her padawan die. hundreds of souls screaming out, suddenly silenced. all that. so she goes on the run and grieves grieves grieves. puts her lightsaber away somewhere hidden and safe and swears she’ll never pick it back up again. (she can’t quite bring herself to throw it into a black hole, but she thinks abt it sometimes).

through a series of very convoluted events ive only like. half figured out. she ends up working to smuggle jedi and force-sensitives away from the empire and settles on daiyu to work especially closely with haja estree. they piss each other off a lot. it’s a riot. 

um and then yeah :) her n obi-wan have a whole huge i’m not alone anymore moment n just kinda. end up rly relying on each other. i dont think they get to see each other often (something tells me 1 powerful jedi + another powerful jedi = big energy in the force for the inquisitors to look out for) but when they do they r very soft and tired and in love sjdjjksdjk.

(she uh. does die protecting a force-sensitive kid in her charge from inquisitors a couple years before anh, but i dont want to think abt that rn so 😌)

if u read this far thank u i love u mwah

[matthewtkachuk]

love in all its forms - rafe cameron

you love rafe cameron and he loves you too. sometimes it’s better shown than told

pairing: rafe cameron x reader

warnings: allusion to sex, light angst (duh its me), no dialogue (is that a warning? idk)

words: 1k

a/n: this has been in my drafts for ages, finally finished her up this morning. this is probably the last thing i write for obx for a while, hoping s2 will bring some more motivation

Rafe Cameron has never been big on ‘I love you’s. He loves to hear it from you - your cracked sleep-laden voice first thing in the morning, a breathless whimper when he’s inside of you, rushed and casually as you peck his lips and leave the house, softly in his ear before you fall asleep in his arms, a quick text throughout the day. There is no sweeter sound that falls from your lips than those three syllables, except maybe for your soft sighs and moans.

Growing up, he never heard the words. A dead mother and an absentee father who didn’t have the time to ensure his emotional needs were met. It worsened as he got older, saddled with responsibilities and expectations he couldn’t keep up with, his father’s absenteeism grew into cold malice, the lack of love became an intentional absence. Ward Cameron only loved two of his children, and neither of them were his only son.

And so Rafe finds the words difficult to say. He means them, oh God does he mean them. He loves you like he’s never loved anything before. When he looks at you he sees an unbridled future, the two of you against the world, surviving and thriving, despite obstacle after obstacle. He sees marriage and a white picket fence and a dog and two and a half children that he will love the way he never was loved. He sees possibilities and hope and everything he ever dreamed of. He sees love in its purest form.

While he can’t say the words back when you utter them, he shows you in so many other ways. A vase of calla lilies brought home on a random Tuesday ‘just because’ and ‘they made me think of you’. Makeshift candle lit dinners when he knows you’ve had a bad day. Always vacuuming the living room carpet before you even have a chance to ask, because he knows it is your least favorite cleaning duty. Grabbing you a blue gatorade and your favorite snack when fueling up on a road trip even though you said you didn’t want anything. Gentle lovemaking, held hands and foreheads pressed together, intermingling breaths and soft kisses on bare skin. 

You treated him so good, he isn’t sure he deserves it. He knows he can be an asshole, and his temper needs work, and he can be overly possessive which you hate. He often says the wrong thing, can snap at you when you don’t deserve it. He sometimes forgets important things like your anniversary or dinner with one of your parents, and you don’t like it when he blows you off to go golfing with the boys. But you love him, flaws and all, and you will always forgive him. 

You knew love. Growing up, your parents had always told you they loved you and each other. with words, with actions, with gifts. Every morning you would witness the blissful domestic form of love, as your parents moved around the kitchen, movements a decades long choreography of your mother making coffee as your father made eggs. Stolen kisses and slight squeezes. A kiss atop your head and to your mother’s cheek before your father left for work and your mother was left to get you off to school. Dancing in the kitchen and family vacations and quiet Tuesdays. Father/daughter dances and dates and your mother pulling you out of school early one Friday a month to take you to get your nails done and a late lunch at your favorite restaurant. Consequently, you grew up very loved. 

However you also knew love could hurt. As a teenager, you had watched as your parents’ love for each other couldn’t combat their issues with each other. As your mother sought love in a man ten years her junior and as your father blamed himself, that his love hadn’t been enough for her. You knew that despite love’s best intentions it could very quickly turn to resentment, hate and impatience. You had witnessed the death of love, seen love in its most desperate and despicable form.

Despite this you had fallen deeply and quickly in love with Rafe Cameron. From the moment you had met freshman year at some stupid social your roommate had dragged you to, you knew he was it for you. He was dressed like a douchebag, blue henley and backwards baseball cap with your university team written across it, a red solo cup full of jungle juice grasped in one hand, the other hand flicking through his phone. Ordinarily he was exactly the type of guy that you would avoid but there was something about the look in his eye, or maybe it was the small smirk that graced his lips when he caught you staring for a minute too long. Whatever it was, it possessed you to cross the makeshift dancefloor, place your hand in his and drag him to dance with you; all without even knowing his name yet. He’d let you guide him and hadn’t stopped following you like a lovesick puppy since. 

At first it bothered you that he couldn’t say the words. You had an idea in your head of what the perfect progression of a relationship was, and when you had said the words first and he had been unable to reciprocate, you had stormed out of his apartment in a mix of embarrassment and sadness that your feelings were not shared. As he explained the next day, that wasn’t quite the truth, that he had never been comfortable with the words but that didn’t mean that he didn’t mean them too. 

As your relationship progressed, you began to see the ways he told you he loved you without having to physically speak the words. Picking you up at the bar after a few too many without any judgement. Taking on your least favorite household chores so you wouldn’t have to. You realized that love was more than three words, eight letters. It was every action, every conscious choice where he picked you every time. 

Your love wasn’t perfect. It was selfish and petty at times, it wasn’t always fair. But it was beautiful too, understanding and compassion and light. It was a combination of all you were and all that he was, and in all of its forms it was yours.

taglist babies (im so sorry if u dont care abt this anymore, i just copy pasted from my last fic lov u ) @velyssaraptor @danicarosaline @copper-boom @x-lulu @prejudic3 @rekrappeter @downbytheouterbanks @ilovejjmaybank @bricksatanakinswindow @jellyfishbeansontoast @rudyypankow @im-a-stranger-thing @alexa-playafricabytoto @hoodpankow @girlsru1eboysdroo1 @sortagaysortahigh @socialwriter @bloodyheavcn @anxietyandtacos @diverrdown @starkeyseguin​  @dmonchld​@rafej-cambanks @stfukie @obxmermaid

[secret-rendezvous1d]

what about spencer having the BIGGEST crush on you but he has never said anything abt it so he just wants to be near you all the time. one day he overhears a conversation between u and penelope talking about a guy so immediately he thinks its a guy that you’re talking to (when it’s not) and things go on from there

Oh, stop-

YN gets to a point where she can’t take it any longer; she needs to tell someone the goings on in her mind.

She’s been at the unit for less then three months and everyone had welcomed her so politely and so warmly and they invited her in like she had been there for years, sharing inside jokes with certain members of the team and holding a spot in the team that no one could fill if she wasn’t there due to illness or holiday. It was a hole that was massive to fill, shoes too big, a void that hung heavy when she wasn’t around. She had her moments with each member of the team, she had already made personal memories that she would cherish forever and she had bonds stronger to some than others... or to one other person, if she had to tell the honest truth.

Spencer.

From the very first day on the job and as soon as she stepped foot off the jet for the first time for her first case as an agent, she was plunged into an order with Spencer. He made it his priority to show her the ropes; what they did when they were travelling to a scene, what to expect when they arrived at a crime scene, what they spoke about with the victim’s families and how the dealt the grief that they felt when a case was taken to heart and he made sure to tell her that if she needed to take a break then it was more than okay to hide away and shed a few tears before coming back with a clearer mind. She remembered that so clearly and so vividly; it was their first conversation, apart from their brief exchanges of ‘hello’ and ‘good morning’ when they arrived at the unit and saw one another before the day began, and and it was a conversation that started off and helped blossom their friendship. From then, they were almost inseparable at the office and they worked best when they were put on an order together... the ‘dream team’ was the name they were given by the unit and it stuck so perfectly that it ended up becoming personal and meaningful.

YN just never expects to gain feelings from it... 

So what was she supposed to do when she was three months into a job, three months into a friendship she felt so grateful for and three months into a chapter in her life which was something so incredible to her that she feared losing it over something as minor as falling for a colleague? A friend? What did she do?

Garcia seemed to be her only option. 

A sisterly figure who always seemed to be so chipper, so bright and spritely, so sweet and kind and caring and YN felt like she could share anything and almost everything with her without worrying she was going to spread it around the office as cheap gossip that she thought should be shared. A figure she adored from the moment she met, from the moment they shared their hobbies and from the moment she offered YN a pen holder that was eccentrically designed with paper clips and pom-poms and pipe-cleaners that were glittery and brightly coloured.

With an extra coffee in the cardboard holder and a warmed croissant in a paper bag that had Garcia’s name written in scrawny handwriting, she knocks on the door and enters at the permission she was given.

“Good morning, sugar plum. How may I assist you today?”

YN grins as she leans against the table beside Penelope and passes a coffee to her, which she gratefully accepts and takes a rather heart sip and lets the warm liquid trickle down her throat, a groan of pleasure filling the room.

“You know me all too well,” she smiles and squeezes YN’s hand, “what’s the matter though? You don’t normally bring me coffee or a croissant so what can I help you with?”

“I need your help, Garcia.”

“With what? Come on, fill me in.”

YN shyly giggles and looks at her feet, the support of the table holding her securely enough that she could lean on the heels of her shoes, her thumbs picking at her nails nervously. The tingling in her stomach made her feel sick; was she really about to admit a secret she had been dreading to say aloud? For some reason, she felt like if she said it aloud then everything became real and having it become real was something she hadn’t necessarily thought about.

“So, I, uh-” she coughs nervously and takes a glance at Garcia, “I think I’ve developed some feelings for someone I just met and, and I guess I’m little nervous about it because this is the first guy I’ve actually really liked but there are things holding us back and I think it’s against the rules to even go on a date with him.”

“Against the rules? Have you never read Romeo and Juliet?”

“It’s not so easy,” YN sighs, “I don’t think he likes me anyway so it’s not really a Romeo and Juliet love story. I’m pining after someone who doesn’t like me back in that way.”

Garcia reaches over and squeezes her hand.

What neither of them notice is the movement of Spencer appearing in the doorway of the office, feeling a little intrusive as he hid himself around the corner yet still at a distance where he could hear when the conversation came to its end. A conversation he didn’t really want to listen to because it tore him to bits on the inside. His heart almost torn to shreds because the girl he liked... the only girl he had ever felt close to, who he felt a connection with, only saw him as a friend and a friend only when he saw her as something so much more than that. A reason to wake up and get to work early, a reason to find the best result in a case, a reason to smile and laugh and joke because life was for living and he felt like he hadn’t done much of that in his solo reign. 

“Garcia, he’s driving me mad. Like, the good kind of mad. It’s the kind of mad where I’m thinking about him constantly, I’m imagining what it’s like to be with him in certain situations like when I’m cooking breakfast or making dinner or watching some television,” she sighs and even though her shoulders dip down, she feels a huge weight lifted from her shoulders, “heck, I even think about them when I’m you know what-ing, Garcia. That’s not healthy, is it?”

“I’m no profiler, sweet-cheeks, but I think you’re in a little too deep for this guy. He’s lucky. You should go for it with him, don’t hold back on what you feel on the inside,” she softly pokes a fingertip into YN’s chest, “your heart tells you a lot and if thats how you’re feeling towards him then ask him out. Be that big and bold girl I know you are.”

“You think so?”

Spencer desperately wants to hear Garcia deny everything that she had said before; don’t encourage her to date some idiot who didn’t know about a neat thing called respect when she could have someone who treated her perfectly, he thought to himself, someone who was standing under her nose and praying she saw him like he saw her.

“Absolutely, YN. And you have to bring him to meet me and the rest of the team as soon as possible, okay? I want to know all about the guy who stole your heart and turned you all soft and happy,” Garcia smiles.

If only she knew that she’d already met him, YN thought. xx

[dottie-wan-kenobi]

DOTTIE’S BATFAM FIC RECS

hi!! so, no one asked for this but,,, I wanted to make one anyway! I really love the batfam a lot and I see a lot of ppl in the fandom wishing it was easier to find good fics. this is by no means all of them but they are some of my faves, generally not too fanon-y! all fics are gen/family fluff with little to no ships (which are not bat/cest). 

feel free to message/ask me about triggers if you’re unsure!! and lmk if I forgot to tag anyone ❤️

---

Homecoming by Ionaperidot / @iowriteswords on tumblr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10966704/chapters/24414906

Summary: “Your son’s grave. It’s been disturbed.” In which people actually notice when Jason breaks out of his grave, and Bruce finds him before Talia does.

My thoughts: Bruce’s voice in this is seriously perfect, plus Dick, Jason, and Tim are great as well!! This fic honestly helps inform me of my Tim characterization!

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The Wound Begins To Bleed by audreycritter / @audreycritter on tumblr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13295661

Summary: Now that Tim’s moved back to the manor, he just wants a few afternoons a week without Damian around. Funny how getting that was the catalyst for him becoming a better big brother.

My Thoughts: it makes me emotional okay it GETS me right in my HEART!!! both Dami and Tim are so so so good I can’t rec this enough

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just hold a smile by RecklessWriter

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22777705

Summary: That's the thing about smiles, Dick thinks. If you flash the right one, no one knows there's something more going on inside. Five times Dick faked a smile and one time someone saw through it.

My Thoughts: Dick & others, including Tim and Cass. Dick is really good at hiding his feelings from others, and I love how in this fic, a lot of times, he’s hiding them to “protect” whoever it is

(more under the cut!)

life, if well lived by CaptainOzone

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18378512

Summary: Jason wakes up from a time-travel mishap to find Thomas and Martha Wayne hovering over him. Just another day in the life, right? ...Not quite.

My Thoughts: this one had me crying like a baby!!! the characterization is great and I love CO’s Thomas and Martha

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one shot, two shots in the night by discowing / @dykewing on tumblr, @/wlwdiscowing on twitter

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18871864/chapters/44792710

Summary: The New York Times ✓ @nytimes · 4h

“A Shot in the Dark” remains on our bestseller list for the fourth week in a row! Read our review of @brucewayne’s tell-all memoir here: nyti.ms/3Fs9k2E

My Thoughts: TALK ABT MAKING ME CRY. this gets me every time, and it’s absolutely worth ALL of the rereads. such a great Bruce.

---

The View From Jade by lowflyingfruit

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11329791/chapters/25359972

Summary: Being transported to the past is not the sort of thing one normally expects. But this having happened, and with no easy way back, Jason's determined to make the most of it. Though the Bat still stalks Gotham's streets, the city's crime is run by the mobs instead of the rogues. There's no Joker yet. There's no Robin. Maybe there shouldn't be.

My Thoughts: Jason & Dick, and also Bruce somewhere in there too. this is SO! GOOD! I absolutely love Jason’s voice, and Dick is so in character. plus Bruce and Alfred are awesome as well!!!

---

The Birds Who Smile by Raberba girl / @raberbagirl on tumblr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12972324/chapters/29656290

Summary: "Dark Nights: Metal" AU where Bruce adopts three of the Robins who once belonged to the Batman Who Laughs.

My Thoughts: I think this was the first fic that introduced me to Duke, actually! and while there are a LOT of characters involved, they’re all pretty great and realistic. they have their moments to shine and it’s,,, *chef’s kiss*

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The Thing about Apples and Trees by Cdelphiki / @cdelphiki on tumblr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22192747

Summary: When Jason agreed to let Bruce adopt him, he thought that meant Jason felt happy and safe in Bruce's home. But when Jason's nightmares only increased, and his panic attacks and meltdowns started happening more often, Bruce was at a complete loss for what to do. But then, Jason finally opened up to him, and he was able to quell some of Jason's worse fears. Perhaps a midnight chat and a few hugs wouldn't fix everything, but it was a step in the right direction.

My Thoughts: this is part of a series but might be okay to read on it’s own? tho really I suggest the entire series, it’s amazing. but this fic specifically has great kid Jason characterization (and also made me cry, I think!)

---

Kitten by lurkinglurkerwholurks / @lurkinglurkerwholurks on tumblr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18194294

Summary: Bruce opened his mouth, prepared to give the unemotional, no-nonsense explanation he had cobbled together between his walk to the car and now. Instead, his mouth went dry and nothing came out.

“Bruce?”

Bruce was saved from answering by the thin cry that cut through the silence. He winced, then reached back with one hand to shush the dimpled, kicking legs.

“Bruce, tell me I did not just hear what I thought I heard.”

My Thoughts: so so so cute! plus the gangs all here!!!

---

Yes Ma’am by lurkinglurkerwholurks

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22004695

Summary: Jason had shuffled into the bedroom and had just finished pulling his shirt over his head when he paused, arms still trapped in the fabric. A pair of eyes glowed at him from the bed, reflecting the dim light from the hall.

My Thoughts: I also have to include this one bc it was a gift to me, and it’s so cute & angsty & just dkjsfsdjkhfksjah I love it so much

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The D-Word by AutumnHobbit / @autumnhobbit on tumblr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9597686

Summary: "See, Tim?" Jason called over his shoulder sardonically. "Dad agrees with me."

He turned back to his food for a moment before the thought suddenly occurred to him that the Cave had gone near silent. He cautiously glanced back at the others. Alfred was still working away at stitching Tim up. Tim looked a little pale and sweaty, but he was glancing over at Jason with a look that was a mixture of concern and confusion. Bruce was standing stock-still, seemingly staring off into space.

My Thoughts: I constantly reread this when I want funny and then heart breaking Jason & Bruce feels. I always know what’s coming and it STILL GETS ME

---

baby wonder by drakefeathers / @drakefeathers on tumblr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1887807

Summary: (baby!damian AU) Bruce dies, Dick becomes Batman. But the Damian that Talia leaves in his care isn’t a ten-year-old warrior, he’s a ten-month-old baby.

My Thoughts: oh my goddd this is so good, it hurts but it’s SO CUTE at the same time??? ugh dskjfhkjsadhf

---

a hat fashioned from tin foil by discowing

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14356020

Summary: nightwang @karakurachou – 8 hours ago

jason todd is alive and faked his death so he could become robin: a conspiracy theory thread

Batfam conspiracy theories meet social media.

My Thoughts: !!!!!!! so good!!!! seriously one of the best social media fics I’ve ever read.

---

Bet Your Bottom Dollar by jerseydevious / @jerseydevious on tumblr and twitter

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17971160/chapters/42447017

Summary: Dick's been having kind of a hard time, recently. When it boils over, Bruce is there for him.

My Thoughts: I reread this one a LOT when I need Dick & Bruce feels

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Metanoia by AlannaOfRoses / @alannaofroses on tumblr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21943249

Summary: Jason's bleeding out, Dick's overtired, and a half-serious offer turns into their new normal. Sometimes you just need somebody else around.

My Thoughts: this one was also a gift to me!! it’s got amazing brotherly bonding and it made me laugh a LOT

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a hundred miles through the desert by acrobats

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18197330/chapters/43045388

Summary: Finding himself nearly three decades into the past hadn't been part of Jason's plans for the day, but he could manage. Having no idea how he got there, no clear path home and a recently orphaned Bruce Wayne determined to drag Jason into his search for his parents' killer - that might be a little more complicated.

My Thoughts: ughhh this is such good Jason content (and such amazing Jason voice, too) I adore it

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oh, where do I begin? by LazuliQuetzal / @lazuliquetzal on tumblr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21988693

Summary: “No, no, nothing’s wrong,” Jason says. “We’re a-okay. Just peachy. Good times.”

“Oh,” Duke says, lamely, working himself out of crisis mode. There’s an awkward silence for a moment before he speaks up again. “Why did you call?”

“Right, right," Jason mumbles, which seemed a little out of character to Duke. His sort-of wayward brother was generally intimidating, even when he wasn't trying to be. "Uh, Dick said that you had a guinea pig when you were younger. How do you take care of a guinea pig?”

_____

AKA, not-exactly accidental guinea pig acquisition

My Thoughts: this was ALSO a gift to me but it’s so funny and sweet and there’s amazing Duke & Jason bonding so I absolutely must rec it

---

Latchkey by goldkirk / @goldkirk on tumblr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21672928/chapters/51685639

Summary: or, How Tim Drake Found A Family, Became A Photojournalist, Learned To Love Coffee, and Grew Up, not necessarily in that order.

Tim Drake is thirteen, runs the famous BatWatch blog that has spiraled hilariously out of control, has absentee parents that suit his purposes just fine, is training himself to run the streets at night, and is doing absolutely peachy, thank you.

Alfred and Jason disagree, and get Dick and Bruce involved in figuring out their weird nextdoor neighbor kid’s life. Everything goes uphill from there.

My Thoughts: this is SO GOOOOD the Tim feels are amazing!!! the family interactions!!! everything! sdkjfhsjdfhksdhfajh

---

Blood in the Water by MishaBerry

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12734052/chapters/29037474

Summary: We all do stupid things when we are lonely, and in faraway lands, we hardly expect the consequences to follow us. Bruce certainly never thought twice about an American woman in Jaipur after one night with her. He hardly expected to see her ever again.

The universe, on the other hand, had different ideas, and the tides of time and chance brought Tim Drake to Bruce's life over and over again.

My Thoughts: this one is more AU than a lot of the others on here but it’s a lot of fun!! it has Tim & Damian & Jason feels, plus the rest of the family on a smaller scale

---

so these are just SOME, and honestly you should go and check out other works done by all of these authors!! also would like to suggest reading the fics of @renecdote , @caramelmachete , @redtruthed , @rredarrow , and @schweeeppess !!!

[sweetcheol]

college boyfriend!sehun

—genre: fluff

—au: college, friends to lovers

—pairing: oh sehun x reader

—song to listen to while reading: fall again — klang

—word count: 2.2k

—warning(s): mentions of sex, sehunnie being the best boyfriend ever, choking on chips ??? (but it’s nothing bad, i promise)

sehun was your netflix binging partner before he was even your friend

okay ... he was your netflix binging partner before you even knew his name

you guys were in an ethics class together

and it was one of those common classes everyone in uni had to take no matter their major, so it was like 60 of you in a huge ass classroom

so you resorted to the only alternative to keeping you awake during 2 hour long, powerpoint based, boring lectures: 

yoy got the best out of your netflix subscription plan

god bless airpods bc you could just hide them with your hair and nobody ever noticed anything

except for sehun

who conveniently sat one seat to the left on the row above you

so he had the perfect view to your laptop screen

and had watched the whole fifth season of peaky blinders with you

of course he never told you bc that... that would have been kind of weird

so he just kept to himself and tried his best to keep on being your anonymous netflix partner

he had even started to buy himself some snacks to munch on during class and was truly living his best life

until you finished peaky blinders ... and were about to start watching crash landing on you

sehun just ... sehun loved that show, okay?

so when he saw the intro pop on your laptop he started choking on his shrimp chips, creating a commotion

like ... even the professor stopped talking and asked him if he was okay, causing everyone to turn around and face him

red-faced, choking him

even you, who had paused the show and turned around in your seat so quickly he thought you’d cracked your neck

and in that moment, sehun did the only thing he could think of

which in that case meant bolting straight out of the classroom coughing like a madman

and just like the concerned netflix partner classmate you were, you had walked out right after him

“yah! don’t run, let me help you!”

and tbh ... sehun had never expected to turn around and come face to face with you, holding a bottle of water for him to sip on

that alone helped him stop coughing

he reluctantly accepted the water while turning beet red in the face

so the two of you sat down on a set of stairs that were near the classroom while sehun drank his water

he was trying his best to zone you out, eyes set on the floor and only focusing on the bottle in his hand

bc that had been ... embarrassing, to say the least

and he had asked you, in the smallest voice possible to please wait until class was over to pick ur things up bc he didn’t wanna go in and then interrupt the lecture again

so you granted him his wish

and when people started piling out of the classroom, you were like well

and sehun didn’t even say anything to u before he walked back inside, took his backpack with him and walked away

so you were like ???? as you stashed your laptop in ur bag and walked back to your dorm

you didn’t see him the next class

and since the room was so big you were like wtf did he sit someplace else

you couldn’t even watch your show in peace that day bc ... what had you even done to him

the lesson after that ... you were resigned

whatever was his problem you wouldn’t mind

but then someone placed a blue thunder gatorade on your desk with a hot pink post it pasted on the cap

“spare airpod ???”

and sehun was sat on the chair next to yours, drinking from his own gatorade bottle while he waited for your response

so you fished the earbuds from your bag and extended your hand, one of them resting on your palm

sehun took it

and the two of you watched the third episode of the show together

the two of u didn’t speak much though

he’d muttered a soft “thank you” when returning the airpod when class was done and that was it

but then he sat next to you the following lesson

and the next one

and the next one

a couple of weeks after that he started giving you bags of chips and cookies alongside the gatorade

until you had finished a couple of dramas

... and the semester

the two of you were quite bummed the last day of classes

bc neither of you had seen the other one in any other classes so you were sure you weren’t in the same major

and sehun had only said “it was very nice meeting you” after the last class was over

and that was it

or u thought

until half-way through the summer, you had finally found enough willpower to clean your backpack

and had found a cute little note on the bottom of it

from none other but your cute, tall classmate

“maybe we could hang out and actually talk sometime?” alongside his phone number

and at first you were like oh a month has gone by, he won’t remember me

but then you wrote a simple “hey, it’s (y/n) from ethics”

and sehun almost ... choked once again when he read it

bc he though you just weren’t going to text him at all

and so the two of you started talking

he was very funny and easy-going, so you became friends pretty fast

you texted all through-out the summer

and ofc sehun told chanyeol, his best friend and roomate, about it

which prompted chanyeol to tease him 24/7 abt how he should just ask you out

and sehun was like “it’s not like that”

but everyone could see it was like that

so sehun was like ... okay i might

and he was like “so i was thinking ... maybe we could go to the movies”

and you were like !!!!!! red code !!!!!! alert !!!!!! oh my gOD 

bc you had been like ... crushing on him ever since the chip incident

and answered him like “yeah that’d be nice” 

a few days after you went to the movies

and were both a mess at first but the date actually turned out pretty well bc you went for dinner afterwards and everything ran out pretty smoothly

sehun was like OOOOOOH YEAH I’M UR BOYFRIEND NOW ... right after he walked you to your door

but you weren’t complaining bc you liked him a lot too

SO NOW

onto the relationship

ngl you are like low-key done with him the week after you start dating bc he is ... a little shit

like if he feels he isn’t getting enough attention he’ll go like “(y/n) that’s so unfaiiiiiiiiir”

but then he’ll start playing around with vivi and you’re standing there like okAY

and if you tell him he’ll get all sassy and go like “i knEW u just can’t live without me”

but then when you spend enough time with vivi and he starts running to you instead of sehun ... he goes like “wAIT (y/n) he’s MY son wtf”

but inside he’s like “that’s OUR son oh my god” 

gets low-key jealous of all the lead actors of the dramas you watch together

like suddenly you’ll turn around and he’s pouting 

but he forgets about it halfway through the episode

even though you two aren’t in the same class anymore he likes studying together

and is always buying snacks for your study dates

he’ll study for like 15 min and then will start pouting bc he wants kisses

wears a lot of hoodies and sweatpants but will also clean up somedays bc he wants to look nice for you

will very subtly leave his hoodies at your dorm

he thinks it’s romantiquè

and you’re very grateful for it bc he’s very tall and thus his hoodies are very cozy

you kinda want to kill him sometimes but he’s definitely the kind of guy that calls you at three am just because he wants to talk to you“i just wanted to hear your voice”

and he’s just laying in his bed smiling like a fool while you tell him about your day

you both end up constantly falling asleep over the phone but neither of you mind

and then chanyeol enters the apartment and sees him passed out on the couch with his phone in hand and your name on his screen 

it’s safe to say sehun’s not going to live it down

i don’t think he’d be a big fan of pda

so in public, you kinda only hold hands

he might give you a little kiss from time to time but that’s pretty much it

oh but in private ... he can’t keep his hands off you

and your butt

he gives the best hugs ever??? and it doesn’t help that he loves hugging you

forehead kisses

so so so many forehead kisses

definitely takes advantage of his height

for that, and for placing stuff on high places so that he has to help you on getting them down

lowkey touches your butt when he’s doing it

okay but when you’re ... doing the do

sehun’s a switch

i feel like he’d either be such a whiny sub or a very ... whiny dom (but he’d still be very soft ngl) 

(i mean he’s the spoiled maknae for a reason)

favorite thing ever is when you ride him and he can just hold your hips really tight and guide your movements so they can match his

moans so fucking loud you’re sure your entire floor can hear the two of you

i’m not sure he’d be a very kinky lover

like i feel he’d be pretty vanilla

but i mean ... he dances ... his hips can ... do things

so it’s not like it’s anything bad, you know ????

a huge fan of hickeys

but on more ... private places

like he’ll never leave one on your neck

but your chest is a completely different story

bc he doesn’t leave them so that people can see them

he leaves them so he can see them and remind himself that you’re his

that you chose him

that was really sappy

he’s a dance major

and he’s always asking you to go with him to practices

both bc he loves being with you and bc he likes it when you watch him dance

he’s a tease and we all know it

he’d run his hands over his hair and smirk all the time bc he knows you’re looking at him

sometimes he even takes off his shirt and acts like it’s just bc of the heat

and you blush so hard and he’s just like 😌

but also when he has a show or presentation or something

he gets so so so so nervous

but then he spots you in the crowd and just smile a bit bc you’re there, supporting him, and that’s all that matters

his phone background is this selfie the two of you with face masks on

you had your hair up in a bun and both of you were lounging in sweats

you had been playing around with snapchat filters and accidentally took the sweetest photo ever

so he asked you to send it to him

and he set it up as both his lock screen and his home screen

yours is a mirror selfie you took when you were watching him practice

you were taking a photo and when sehun noticed he came to give you a kiss on the cheek

and it was the sweetest thing ever

he literally sends you each and every selfie he takes

and sometimes goes like “hey does this look okay?”

and sometimes it’s more like “your boyfriend is so hot wth”

and just as he takes so many selfies so he can send them to you

he also likes taking photos with you

literally everywhere you two go

he either takes a selfie or asks someone to take a picture of you

and everyone he asks always thinks you’re the most adorable couple ever

bc the love you two have for each other is like so obviously there

and he gets so soft whenever people tell him that

even when it’s chanyeol who says it

truth is chanyeol loves you because of how happy you make sehun

he once told you when you got back home from a club

and like ... you were kinda, slightly, a little bit drunk

and hearing him say that only made you feel like you were walking on clouds even more

bc if anyone asked you to describe just how happy sehun made you ... you were sure you weren’t going to find enough words to describe the feeling

even though he usually is like hell yeah i’m a cool bf

he gets really sappy at night (and when’s drunk) 

and goes on and on about how much he loves you and he’s happy he found you

bc you always get that look in your eyes that make his heart melt

bc he’s the sweetest boyfriend ever

and it doesn’t help that he’s my ult bias bc i reallyyyyyyyy wanna date college!boyfriend sehun 🤧

[babysizedfics]

okok so i dont know if virgil would like it (bc of the separation anxiety) but how does he feel abt peek a boo? i imagine his cgs would make it super fun! like have him on his mama’s lap with his papa in front of him and theyre like “wheres the baby??” and pat covers his eyes “there he is!!” and pat gets all happy and excited to see virgil so v gets all excited which makes pat even mOre excited so v gets lil happy kissies!!!! (can u tell ive been wanting to play peek a boo hdhdj)

I HAD TO SCREAM INTO A PILLOW

I hope you don't mind but i made this into a fic it was essential it was unavoidable i was crying as i wrote this

Title: Peekaboo!

Summary: Logan is a shy new caregiver, Patton learns what separation anxiety is, and Virgil disappears then reappears and is a very confused baby.

Word count: 6,600

Note: Set before the events of Little Accidents, Big Developments (AO3 | tumblr)

Also on AO3

oOo

It had been a somewhat slow day. Roman had been holed up in his room for most of it, rehearsing for an audition that Thomas had landed for the following week. He was working rather relentlessly, though Patton had been sure to request that he at least leave his room for mealtimes - and Logan had outright demanded it when Roman stubbornly refused. After a very speedy lunch, Roman was back in his room and the other three were left to their own devices in the living room.

Quite understandably, Patton had noticed Virgil was much antsier that afternoon. Probably because Roman was constantly talking about how absolutely essential it was that Thomas did not mess up a single line in next week’s audition and that he personally would “enter into a state of devastated mourning should this chance at stardom be killed and dashed across the stage floor”.

That had evidently sent Virgil’s anxiety into a downward spiral. After the fourth shaky sigh in as many minutes from the younger side’s lips, Patton shook his head and twisted on the couch to look at him.

‘Okay, that’s enough,’ Patton said, giving a rare stern look to the boy who was currently pacing the living room floor and looking just about ready to tear his hair out. ‘No more worrying, Stormcloud.’

‘I can’t help it!’ Virgil whispered quite fiercely. His eyes were wide and though they looked in Patton’s direction, it was as if his gaze was fixed a mile in the distance, likely imagining a variation of disastrous scenarios. ‘We could choke or trip or literally do the worst performance ever and Roman would be depressed and then we might not be able to make videos for months because he’s so distraught and what if it was all my fault? What if I was the one to make Thomas mess up and then Roman would hate me and -’

‘Breathe,’ Logan commanded from where he sat in the armchair reading a book.

As if being shaken from a spell, Virgil’s frantic pacing halted and he gasped in a breath.

‘It was not your fault because it has not happened. Roman won’t hate you because even if it did happen, the blame could not fall solely on your shoulders. Everything is going to be all right, Virgil.’

At Logan’s reassuring words, Virgil nodded slightly to himself, his eyes fixed on his feet as he took in steady, though shallow breaths.

Patton bit his lip for a moment in thought. It was obvious that Virgil would not be able to get past this anxiety without a distraction… and what better distraction than being a baby?

With a firm nod to himself that meant Yes, this is definitely the only solution. Not just because I love looking after my baby, of course, Patton switched the TV over from the show he had been watching to Guess How Much I Love You, one of Virgil’s favourite cartoons in littlespace.

As soon as the bright musical score started playing, Virgil and Logan’s gazes both snapped up to the screen. The older one smiled slightly while the younger side’s thumb flew to his mouth in an instant. He began nibbling on his nail as a young child’s voice sang the opening song:

“Dancing through springtime,

Flowers are raised in summer sun,

Catching white snowflakes on your nose,

Running through autumn leaves that float from trees from high,

With a love that is bigger than the sky”

Patton beamed at how Virgil seemed fully enraptured by the animated rabbit and bright flowers on the screen. The moral side happily joined in singing his favourite part of the song, all while gazing at Virgil.

‘Guess how much I love you, guess how much I love you -’ he held his arms out to Virgil in an invitation for a hug ‘- Guess how much I love you!’

‘’M not little,’ Virgil mumbled with a strong blush gracing his cheeks. It was so quiet that Patton wouldn’t be surprised if Logan had not been able to hear it, being slightly further away from them.

‘I know, sweetheart,’ Patton said gently through a smile, knowing that Virgil’s statement wouldn’t be true for very long. His arms remained open. ‘But maybe we can just watch a bit and see if it helps you calm down.’

There was a stiff nod and within a few seconds Virgil had plopped down onto the couch beside Patton, instantly snuggling up to him.

Patton allowed himself a small chuckle as he wrapped his arms around Virgil and pulled him into his lap. Seeing Logan’s proud smile filled him with far more joy than he was currently able to express if he didn’t want to accidentally fling Virgil off of his lap, so he let it fizzle away in his chest with a bright grin. As he settled back to watch the show, he pretended not to notice his baby’s thumb slipping into his mouth.

Needless to say, by the end of the ten-minute episode, Virgil was entirely gone.

‘Papa?’

Patton nearly squealed. He wasn’t quite over his excitement for Virgil’s new nickname for him. ‘Yes, my sweet little fieldmouse?’

‘Peas Minpy?’ Virgil garbled around his thumb, twisting his head to look pleadingly at Patton.

That look… Virgil had no idea what that look did to Patton’s heart. With a firm hand on his chest, Patton said, ‘Okay, baby. Let’s go upstairs and get Minty.’

‘I can fetch them,’ Logan quickly announced from the armchair. Patton watched as he snapped his book shut quite hurriedly, stood, paused for a second as he clearly got a head-rush from standing so fast, then made his way over to them. ‘I’m going to go and get Minty for you, Virgil,’ he explained, leaning down to be eye level with them.

His hand reached forward hesitantly and patted Virgil’s head twice, to which the regressor replied with a giggle and a poke to Logan’s wrist.

Patton fought very hard to contain an adoring smile as Logan’s cheeks flushed before he bustled out of the living room. The logical side was a little awkward in his attempts at physical affection, but they never failed to put a smile on Virgil’s face so Patton could hardly tease him about it. And it wasn’t Logan’s fault that cuddles and kisses didn’t come as naturally to him as they did to Patton. He was trying, and it only made Patton all the more smitten with him.

Feeling his cheeks warm at that thought, Patton quickly busied himself with holding Virgil’s hand (the one that was not currently glued to his chin while he sucked his thumb) and started circling his finger on the little one’s palm. ‘Round and round the garden, like a teddy bear…’

After a short while of singing and tickling and giggling, Logan returned with Minty in tow. One of Virgil’s little baby blankets was slung over his shoulder. At Patton’s raised eyebrow he shrugged it with a short explanation of: ‘Just in case he needs it.’

Virgil snatched his thumb out of his mouth with a muted pop and held his hands out to the soft toy with a whine.

‘Can you remember what word we say when we want something?’ Patton nudged Virgil slightly, though kept him in a firm embrace to make sure the boy didn’t topple off of his lap with his lack of balance.

Virgil’s face turned back to him. He opened his mouth as if ready to say something then frowned and snapped his jaw shut with a pout. Another whine came forth, this time sounding a bit upset.

‘Aww, are you too little, sweetie?’ Patton cooed. Virgil’s head suddenly collapsed onto his shoulder and he heard a sniffle. ‘No, no, it’s okay. It’s all right, baby,’ he hastened to reassure, bringing his hand up to stroke Virgil’s hair soothingly. He really was so sensitive when he was this small, it was difficult to avoid upsetting him. That was one thing that had been difficult to come to terms with when Patton first became Virgil’s caregiver. ‘You’re allowed to be as little as you want.’

The cushion beneath him dipped and he realised the sudden firm warmth pressing against his arm was Logan, who was sitting incredibly close to him. It was difficult not to blush. And so Patton did blush.

‘Virgil, look who has come to see you,’ Logan said so warmly that it melted Patton’s heart.

A curious baby pulled his face off of Patton’s shoulder and all remnants of upset on his features were quickly replaced by sheer happiness. Patton thought it would never get old, seeing Virgil’s eyes sparkle with such rare joy.

A lopsided grin stretched Logan’s lips as he pressed the stuffed dinosaur into the crook of Virgil’s arm. ‘There we are.’

The sweetest little squeak sounded as Virgil sat more upright on Patton’s lap and hugged the toy tightly, burying his face in its fur.

‘So much for not being little,’ Logan murmured lowly by Patton’s ear in an amused tone. The rumble of it resonated right through the moral side’s chest and left him dumbstruck.

‘Yeah,’ Patton breathed, not being able to think of anything much smarter to add.

oOo

Twenty minutes and a couple more episodes of Guess How Much I Love You later, Patton and Virgil (now with a pacifier) were being silly on the carpet. By being silly, they were quite literally just making funny faces at each other and then taking a minute’s break while they calmed down from all of the giggles and aching smiles than ensued.

Logan, being “not one for such tomfoolery”, was back to reading in the armchair. Though Patton had noticed that he was tending to spend more and more time on each page as he cast more and more glances over to the two on the carpet.

It was quite evident that Logan was eager to take care of Virgil, and it was becoming more prominent every day. He was incredibly passionate about the idea when he had first discussed it with Patton nearly a month previously and had been damn near ecstatic when Virgil had agreed to the suggestion. Though, going by his timidity and shy glances when Patton was caring for Virgil around him, it seemed his nerves were getting the better of him. Well, Patton couldn’t have that at all.

‘Oh, you’re such a silly baby!’ Patton chuckled when Virgil scrunched up his face as if he had eaten a lemon slice. ‘Papa’s gonna be right back, sweetheart.’

Without much delay, Patton jumped up with a big smile and ruffled Virgil’s hair, only just noticing that his face had fallen as he walked away. He would be fine, especially with Logan looking after him.

‘Where are you going?!’ Logan practically shrieked, his eyes wide and staring at Patton in disbelief.

Patton couldn’t help but giggle. ‘I’m just going to pee. You can watch Virgil while I’m gone!’ he cried a bit too excitedly if the look of suspicion on Logan’s face was anything to go by. ‘Come on, Lo. You are his other caregiver, aren’t you?’

That seemed to humble Logan as he looked to his lap and fidgeted with his tie. ‘Yes, I - of course.’

As Patton moved out into the hallway he heard Logan sliding off of his chair and talking to Virgil in quiet, gentle tones. He smiled, knowing that Logan truly did have it in him to be a carer, he just needed some encouragement.

Within mere minutes Patton was on his way back to the living room. If he took his bathroom trip quite languidly and chose to use the upstairs bathroom just to have a longer journey, he was sure no-one would have noticed. It was all for a good cause, after all. Though, he began to doubt this reasoning when he became aware of wet sniffles and whimpers and frantic hushes coming from the living room.

‘Logan, is everything okay?’ Patton asked as he pushed the door open.

He was met with the sight of a red-faced, tear-stained Virgil pulling very harshly on his pacifier handle. Logan was knelt beside him, holding his hands out in a placating gesture and looking quite concerned.

It only took a second or so for Patton to drop by Virgil’s side and immediately wrap him in a warm hug. The younger’s crying slowed as he buried his face in Patton’s chest.

‘What happened?’ Patton whispered, looking up at Logan’s bewildered stare.

‘He started crying the minute you left,’ Logan said, his brow furrowed (beautifully), ‘but I could not find any indication of injury or anything in the vicinity that might have caused such a sudden drop in mood.’

‘Oh, sweetheart,’ Patton murmured sadly as he gazed upon his curled up baby, suddenly understanding. He lifted Virgil slightly to bring him into his lap. ‘It’s okay, Lo. Sometimes he does that when I leave him for a bit.’

Just as with every time previously, Virgil’s tears had completely subsided now that he was in Patton’s embrace. Rather than whimpers and sniffles, the only sounds coming from him were the suckling of his pacifier and a small sigh of content.

Logan seemed thrown off by the sudden change. ‘He cries when you leave the room? Is there no suggestion that he could be upset by extraneous variables in these situations?’

‘I don’t know much about “ex-trainer vary balls” but nothing else happens to make him cry.’ Patton tightened his hold around Virgil protectively. ‘He just misses his papa.’

The way Logan’s frown pulled down even more was slightly less cute this time, only because it made Patton worry.

‘Patton, I don’t believe this qualifies as “just missing his papa”. This may be a case of separation anxiety.’

Even as his baby snuggled into him further, Patton felt his heart sink. ‘That doesn’t sound very nice. What is it?’

‘In short, it means that he is aware enough to realise just how dependent he is on you, but not in an old enough headspace to have a solid understanding of object permanence.’ Patton’s confusion must have shown on his face because Logan immediately elaborated, ‘When something leaves his line of sight, he believes it has ceased to exist.’

‘Oh, that can’t be right.’ Patton looked down at the sleepy boy in his lap. ‘No, he must know I’m still gonna come back to him. I always come back to him.’ Purple tendrils of hair parted around his fingertips as he stroked his little one’s head.

‘Allow me to demonstrate,’ Logan said, then picked Minty up from where they had apparently been abandoned on the carpet. ‘Virgil,’ he called, ‘Vee, look over here. Look at Minty.’

With a little snuffle, Virgil lifted his head from Patton’s shoulder. It was noticeable how his eyes sparkled upon seeing his favourite toy. ‘Minpy!’ he squealed in excitement.

‘Aww,’ Patton cooed, unable to hide his adoration for just how sweet his little boy was.

‘Don’t you think he was surprised to see Minty?’ Logan questioned, holding Minty just out of reach from Virgil who was starting to whine as he held his arm out to the toy.

‘Well… I guess so, but that doesn’t mean -’

Minty was suddenly pulled away and hidden behind Logan’s back, completely out of sight. An expression of fake-surprise crossed Logan’s features as he looked at Virgil. ‘Where did Minty go, Vee?’

Watching Virgil’s reaction, Patton was beginning to understand what Logan meant. A mild panic had clouded over Virgil’s eyes and he looked frantically between Patton’s face and Logan’s now empty hand. It wasn’t long before the whimpering started anew.

‘Sweetie, it’s okay,’ Patton murmured, rocking him slightly on his lap. ‘You remember where Minty went, don’t you?’

Wet eyes locked onto his. ‘Gom,’ Virgil whispered forlornly.

‘He’s not gone, baby. See.’ Patton sent a pointed look to Logan, to which the logical side at least had the decency to appear embarrassed by his experiment and pulled Minty back out from behind him.

Virgil gasped through his pacifier, apparently shocked by the toy’s sudden reappearance. He whined and made desperate grabby hands at the toy.

‘There you go, Virgil.’ The toy was pushed into Virgil’s hands and instantly squeezed against his chest in a tight hug. Logan looked back up to Patton a little shyly. ‘I apologise for upsetting him. I had to prove my hypothesis.’

A sigh escaped Patton as he swayed his baby gently. Logan did honestly look remorseful, and he had shown Patton what object permanence was (or more what it wasn’t) so perhaps it was all right. Even if it hadn’t been in a very fun way. ‘So, does he think I… I die when I leave the room?’ he whispered shakily.

‘Not nearly so morbid,’ Logan reassured, actually reaching out to stroke his finger across Virgil’s knuckle. It was a very small act of affection, but Patton appreciated it nonetheless. ‘He does not have the mental capacity to think about anything that he cannot see. When you leave him, he cannot see you and so all he can think about at that moment is your absence, rather than believe you could exist somewhere that is not with him.’

The strangest bittersweet feeling swirled in Patton’s chest. Sure, it was kind of cute that Virgil loved and needed his papa so much that he always wanted to be with him. But Patton couldn’t be with him all the time. He did his best, of course, but he couldn’t exactly go hours without needing to go to the bathroom or fetching something from the cupboard.

‘Can we maybe fix it?’ Patton asked.

That crinkle in between Logan’s eyebrows came forth again and Patton longed to press his lips against it and smooth it out with a kiss. ‘There are simple activities we can do to try to reinforce object permanence. Though given the fact that he is not truly a developing child, I am unsure if they will have any effect on him.’

‘It’s worth a try though, right?’ Patton didn’t want his baby to be needlessly upset if they could help it.

A soft smile stretched Logan’s lips, and it made it quite tricky to remain worried. ‘It’s worth a try.’

And try they did. They really did.

As per Logan’s suggestion, they started with Patton leaving the room for progressively longer bouts of time. Thirty seconds, then one minute, then two minutes, and et cetera. At least, that had been the plan. In practice, it was much more resemblant of ten seconds, Virgil’s distressed whimpering, and Patton dashing back to comfort his baby. Then ten seconds, then Virgil whimpering, then Patton dashing. Ten seconds, whimpering, dashing. All in all, they considered it a failed attempt. (Patton was very glad that Logan didn’t reprimand him for ruining the experiment.) (‘You didn’t ruin anything, Patton.’)

The next activity was hiding objects and showing Virgil that they would always be revealed again. Minty had been the first choice, though Virgil was still rather distressed from their first activity and was clinging onto the toy tightly. The caregivers came to a silent agreement that it would not be fair to take away his comfort item. They instead attempted to hide things from around the room; little trinkets such as a photo frame or one of Roman’s sketchpads he had left lying around.

Virgil at least did not start crying whenever they were hidden behind Logan’s back or under his baby blanket. In fact, he hardly seemed to notice them disappear at all. No matter how much baby-talk and coaxing from Patton and Logan, the regressor did not react to them and only frowned and buried his head against Patton’s chest with a whine that almost resembled a groan of annoyance. Apparently he was entirely uninterested in the activity when it concerned such boring objects.

‘Virgil, look. Roman’s drawings are all gone,’ Logan announced, pulling the blankie over the sketchpad for the fourth time. Patton felt Virgil’s head roll on his chest lazily to look. ‘And now -’ Logan pulled the blanket back with a little gasp, revealing the book, ‘- there they are, they came back!’

‘Wow, would you look at that!’ Patton gasped, shaking Virgil very gently to try to excite him.

A soft grunt sounded before Virgil buried his pouting face in Minty’s tummy.

Both caregivers sighed.

‘Perhaps this activity is too impersonal to interest him,’ Logan mumbled, looking more than a little disheartened.

It wasn’t a surprise, given how passionate Logan was about educational activities. Despite the logical side’s hesitance with being solely responsible for a regressed Virgil, he had displayed plenty of interest in the boy’s wellbeing. Over the past few weeks wherein he had been subject to Virgil’s regression, Logan had had plenty of input in ways Patton could play with him and similarly teach him things that his regressed self had not known before. Patton, in turn, had convinced Logan that he himself partake in the activities too, and hence Virgil’s comfort around him had been gradually growing.

So seeing how disappointed Logan was by Virgil despondence for this activity, Patton absolutely had to do something to remedy it. He just had a fussy baby to get through first.

‘Oh no!’ Patton cried, knowing that it would be enough to get Virgil’s attention. As expected, the baby looked up from his toy still adorning a frown as he suckled his pacifier. ‘Vee, I’ve lost something very important and I can’t find it!’

Virgil’s grumpy expression melted into a worried one and he looked over to Logan. Then he pointed at the other side and whined at Patton.

A giggle worked its way through Patton’s words as he explained, ‘No, I didn’t lose Logan. I can’t find my happy little baby anywhere!’

Shyness replaced Virgil’s confusion as Minty was pulled up to cover most of his face.

‘Is he…’ Patton hummed in thought for a moment, then fluttered his finger under Virgil’s ear, ‘over here?’

A little squeak was muffled behind Minty as Virgil’s eyes crinkled. But, Patton thought in amusement, he still couldn’t see Virgil’s smile, so technically it didn’t count.

‘No?’ Patton gasped, then moved his finger down to wiggle over the sole of Virgil’s socked foot. ‘Is he under there?’

With a strained giggle, Virgil dropped Minty to push at Patton’s hand quite weakly. His dimples were starting to show.

Biting his lip around a grin, Patton released Virgil’s foot but then started circling his finger around in midair teasingly. ‘Oh, I wonder where my happy little one could be.’

‘Papa!’ Virgil called, giggling around his pacifier.

‘Oh my, I think I heard him!’ Patton’s finger started wriggling and moving towards Virgil’s tummy. ‘Could he be in here?’

He slid his finger under Virgil’s shirt and started squiggling over his tummy. Virgil was immediately squirming in his lap, giggling uncontrollably.

‘There’s my happy baby!’ Patton laughed.

For another couple of moments, the room was filled with the sounds of Virgil’s bright laughter and the soft kicks of his feet against the carpet. Then Logan spoke up:

‘Actually, this poses another suggestion.’

Patton twisted in his place, keeping a firm hold on Virgil who was still calming from his giggles. At some point during the tickle attack, Logan had apparently moved back to the armchair. While he was sitting quite stiffly and avoiding Patton’s eyes, there was a slight twist in his lips that suggested he was holding back a smile.

‘What’s that, Loganberry?’

A half-hearted scoff greeted that nickname, though Logan continued regardless. ‘Playing Where’s the baby? - otherwise referred to as Peekaboo - is a commonly used tactic in teaching object permanence in infants.’

‘Oh, how adorable!’ At once, Patton shuffled both him and Virgil to face Logan on the carpet, supporting Virgil in sitting upright. He was eagerly peering over Virgil’s head at Logan. Patton wouldn’t miss this for the world! ‘Whenever you’re ready.’

Logan bridled in his seat a little. ‘I, um… Well, I anticipated that you would want to do it, Patton.’

‘Oh.’ The slump of Patton’s shoulders was probably more noticeable than he would have liked. Was he asking too much of Logan to play a game like that with their baby? The logical side has always been sensitive to looking less than serious. ‘Of course,’ Patton nodded, regretting that his voice sounded strained.

‘Wait, no. I -’ The words stuttered to a halt as Logan closed his eyes and took a deep, likely steadying breath. When his eyes opened again, he looked down at Virgil with a soft, open expression. ‘Shall we play a game, Vee?’

Pride swelled in Patton’s chest.

The weight on his lap shifted as Virgil turned around to look at him. His expression wasn’t too easily read, but Patton knew he was simply seeking affirmation and so he encouraged him. ‘That’ll be fun, won’t it, baby?’

Seemingly satisfied, Virgil turned back to Logan and made a hum of assent.

It would never be spoken aloud, but Patton was quite sure that both he and Logan acknowledged just how awkward the logical side felt in that moment.

With a quiet clearing of his throat, Logan lifted the baby blanket from the floor and held it up in the air in front of him, concealing his face. After a moment, the fabric dropped to his feet to reveal Logan’s face - adorned with a faint blush.

‘Peekaboo,’ he said in an incredibly unfitting monotone.

A wince fought to crumple Patton’s face, but he battled it fiercely. As was to be expected, Virgil did not react much to Logan’s weak exclamation.

‘That did not have the desired effect,’ Logan grumbled, his cheeks a deep shade of pink now.

‘Aw, come on. Maybe you could try again with a bit more, y’know,’ Patton stalled, shrugging his shoulders with a guilty smile, ‘feeling.’

Logan’s eyes darted between Patton’s face, the blanket on the floor, and Virgil. Then he shook his head rapidly and muttered to his lap, ‘This was a silly suggestion. Forgive me.’

Being overcome by a wave of sympathy, Patton offered, ‘Here, why don’t we switch?’

He gripped Virgil tightly and rose from the floor with his baby in his arms. Virgil only had the chance to whine for half a second (he didn’t respond too well to being picked up a lot of the time) before Patton was easing him into Logan’s lap.

‘Uh, Pat - Patton…’ Logan stuttered, going stiff in his seat.

Ignoring the nervous protest, Patton persisted and situated Virgil further back on Logan’s lap so that the regressor leant against Logan’s chest. ‘There we are, sweetheart.’

It was met with a high-pitched whine and one of Virgil’s hands reaching out to him again as he leant forward to chase his papa.

Logan quickly caught Virgil’s shoulders before the boy swayed too far to one side. ‘Are you certain this is all right?’ he asked quite breathlessly. ‘I haven’t held him before, I don’t -’

‘Logan, don’t worry.’ It was almost amusing how wide Logan’s eyes were. Patton sent both of his boys the most comforting smile he had to offer. ‘I’m sure Mommy Logan is plenty capable of holding a baby in his lap.’

Both sides on the couch spoke simultaneously:

‘“Mommy Logan”?’

‘Mama?’

Virgil’s tiny voice filled Patton with such intense awe, he could hardly breathe past the swell of adoration in his chest.

He just smiled and with each hand offered a supportive touch to the two on the couch - a hair stroke for Virgil and a shoulder squeeze for Logan. He directed his next words at Virgil, knowing Logan wouldn’t be able to argue with his baby-talk. ‘Yes, baby. You’ve got a papa already, haven’t you? So now you’ve got a mama too!’

In a somewhat unexpected change of heart, Virgil’s upset at being away from his papa dissipated and he sank back against Logan’s chest quite happily.

Logan’s arms had fallen forward to secure around Virgil much in the same fashion as a seatbelt.

The decision to be so unapologetic and forward about suggesting “Mommy Logan” had been a risky one on Patton’s behalf, though seeing the gentle smile that softened Logan’s face thwarted any lingering doubts he had harboured about it.

‘I suppose that makes sense,’ Logan murmured, absently stroking his thumb over Virgil's shoulder and gazing down at him as if in a trance. ‘I can be Mama Logan.’

Going by Logan’s expression, Patton was sure he recognised the feeling that lay behind it. Patton knew it well; being entranced by the vulnerability and innocence and sweetness of the person who now relied on you to take care of them. It was the feeling of protectiveness. The paternal instinct. It was love.

He did his best not to tear up at seeing it displayed so openly in Logan’s eyes.

‘Okay, baby, are we ready to play?’ His happy tone was only moderately hindered by his tearfulness.

Virgil bounced a little in Logan’s lap (which earned him a surprised chuckle from the logical side) and nodded, squeezing Minty tighter in his hands.

‘Here we go!’ Patton announced, then leaned forward. He covered Virgil’s eyes with the palms of his hands. The confused squeak from Virgil forced Patton to bite his lip to conceal a giggle. After a couple of seconds, he lowered his hands and with a bright smile. ‘Peekaboo!’

There was certainly more of a reaction in comparison to Logan’s monotonous attempt, though it was not exactly the expected one. Where Patton expected to find an excited glimmer in Virgil’s eyes, he only saw confusion and upset.

Undeterred, Patton simply laughed it off. ‘There you are! And now…’ He covered Virgil’s eyes again, slightly concerned at his small whimper. When he lowered his hands and called, ‘Peekaboo!’ again, Virgil outright pouted at him.

‘What’s the matter, baby?’

‘I think he may have sensory issues with you covering his eyes,’ Logan suggested gently.

Patton observed how Virgil had instantly started rubbing at his eyes once Patton’s hands had pulled away from them. ‘Was it a yucky feeling, Vee?’ he asked.

A little nod and whine from the regressor confirmed the suspicion.

‘Aw, honey, I’m sorry,’ Patton cooed, feeling his heart sink with guilt. He had to remind himself to be careful of Virgil’s sensitivities. It was certainly proving to be a learning curve for the touchy-feely father figure.

Logan seemed to have regained some of his usual confidence and spoke without an ounce of hesitation, ‘I suggest you attempt it with his blanket instead.’

Glad for Logan’s to-the-point problem solving, Patton picked the blankie up. The material was unfathomably soft and always calmed Virgil down after he had been subjected to “yucky” textures, so he was sure it would help with their game.

‘All right, let’s try this again. Ready?’ Patton held the blanket taut and dropped it over Virgil’s head. An even louder whimper this time sounded from underneath it and Patton shared a concerned glance with Logan.

‘Papa!’ Virgil called out in panic. His grip on Minty was tight enough that the soft toy bulged between his fingers.

Patton hurriedly lifted the blanket again, ready to exclaim “peekaboo”, but was heartbroken to see Virgil’s eyes glossed over with tears.

Virgil whined as soon as he seemed to notice Patton. He dropped Minty to Logan’s lap so that he could hold his arms out. ‘Papa,’ he whispered, sounding close to tears.

‘Hey, hey, don’t cry, baby,’ Patton soothed, wrapping Virgil in a quick hug (that just so happened to include Logan, seeing as how he was so close behind Virgil). ‘It’s all right, Papa’s here.’

‘This separation anxiety is far more intense than I initially thought.’ Logan sounded troubled. 

It made Patton’s stomach flip. Would Logan want to test it more? Would he say it was bad for Virgil’s mental health? Would he want to separate Patton and Virgil? A sick feeling surged through Patton and he quickly plastered a big grin on his face, pulling back from Virgil despite his baby’s reluctance to let go.

‘No, no, we can do this,’ he assured. ‘Can’t we baby?’

Virgil didn’t seem to know what Patton was asking him, so he only whined and stretched his arms out further towards Patton.

‘It may help if you speak while he is hidden,’ Logan whispered. ‘That way he will still sense your presence.’ He offered a slightly awkward smile. It was beautiful to Patton.

He picked the blanket back up from where he had dropped it to the couch and, as per Logan’s instruction, repeated the game but this time spoke when Virgil was covered by the blanket.

More whines met his ears, though Patton quickly gasped and said, ‘Uh oh, I can’t see little Vee anywhere!’

To his relief (as well as Logan’s, going by the drop of his tense shoulders), Virgil’s whimpering stopped.

‘Papa?’

‘Where’s the baby?’ Patton sang.

A confused coo came from Virgil. It was such an unmistakably babyish sound that the remains of Patton’s concern were overridden by thoughts of My baby is so frickin’ adorable!

Then he snatched the blanket from Virgil’s head with a wide smile. ‘There he is!’

Virgil blinked slowly a couple of times before twisting around to look up at Logan.

The logical side smiled down at him and nodded. ‘You came back,’ he stated simply.

For a moment Patton was unsure of what would happen next. Virgil’s silence could have meant anything from shyness to fear. It could have been followed up by hysterical giggles or heartbreaking sobs.

Instead, Virgil turned back to Patton and mumbled, ‘Bwankie.’

How on Earth Patton had not yet suffered a heart attack from the sheer amount of adorableness coming from his baby, he had no idea.

‘Shall we play with your blankie again?’ Patton asked.

When Virgil nodded, so much pride and happiness filled Patton that it spilt out of him in a joyful giggle.

‘Oh my gosh, okay!’ He bounced on his toes as he lay the blanket over Virgil’s head again. His baby did go slightly rigid upon being left in darkness, but it was quickly remedied: ‘Where’s my little baby?’

Virgil’s body relaxed back into Logan and he shook Mento in his hands with a squeak. With a strong suspicion that his little boy was excited, Patton pulled the blankie away. ‘There he is!’

And it was true! Virgil was smiling behind his paci and flapped Mento in the air in front of him with a giggle. The anxiousness of the previous few minutes had completely disappeared.

‘Logan, he liked it!’ Patton cried, unable to contain how ecstatic he was.

He was a little surprised to catch Logan staring at him with a distant look and a soft smile etched onto his features. With a little start, Logan seemed to catch himself and nodded stiffly.

‘I am glad,’ Logan said and with the hand that wasn’t keeping Virgil secure, he scratched at his cheek. It only drew attention to how rosy it had become. ‘It might be worth keeping it up. Solely for the educational merits, of course,’ he hastened to add.

‘You don’t have to tell me twice,’ Patton laughed and looked back at his baby. ‘Again?’

Virgil bounced a little in Logan’s lap and his dimples sunk in his cheeks. ‘Gen!’

‘Anything for my little stormcloud.’

Virgil was promptly hidden behind the fluffy material. 

‘Oh dear, where did Virgil go?’

The blanket giggled.

Logan chuckled quietly as Patton winked at him. ‘Where’s my itty bitty baby?’

‘Papa, Papa!’

Patton gasped with an exaggerated surprise, ‘Oh my goodness…’ He swept the blanket off of Virgil's head to be met with a very happy baby with fluffed up hair. ‘There he is!’

The sound that came from Virgil could only have been described as a squeal of delight. His face was glowing with joy and he squished Minty against his face. He tended to do that when he was either shy (which he certainly wasn’t at that moment) or when he was so overwhelmed by emotion that he had to hide and process it for a moment. The fact that he was hiding from intense joy, rather than intense fear as usual, was nothing short of heartwarming to Patton.

‘I love you, honey,’ he whispered and leaned down to press a firm kiss onto the top of Virgil’s head.

‘Um, Patton?’ Logan asked quietly.

With a growing embarrassment, Patton realised he had his hands on Logan’s thighs to steady himself in leaning forward. He quickly retracted his hands. ‘Sorry.’

‘No, no, that wasn’t - you can -’ Logan cut himself off by clearing his throat. His eyes darted up to Patton quite hesitantly before they settled on Virgil. His hold on the regressor visibly tightened. ‘I wondered if perhaps I could try playing again.’

Patton had not, in fact, known true pride until that very moment.

‘Gosh, yes, please, of course,’ Patton rambled, instantly crouching down to be eye-level with Virgil. He had to seize this window of opportunity lest Logan shy away. ‘Let’s move you around, sweetheart.’

With a little help from Logan (and a little blushing as Patton’s hand brushed his), they were able to get Virgil to face Logan whilst in his lap. There was only a slight protest when Virgil reached out to hug Patton but couldn’t because of his position, but it was soon brushed over when Patton sat beside Logan so that Virgil could clearly see him. Perhaps the separation anxiety had not been helped so much by the game, but it was fun nonetheless.

‘We’re gonna play with Mama now,’ Patton announced and smiled when Virgil looked expectantly at Logan.

The logical side faltered a bit, though as Patton nudged him slightly with his shoulder he seemed to come out of it. ‘Are you ready to play, Vee?’

The baby nodded and hugged Minty tightly to his chest.

Logan did as Patton had - covering Virgil over with the blanket and immediately wondering aloud, ‘I appear to have lost Virgil. Wherever could he be?’

To Logan’s credit, the performance was far more expressive than his first attempt. It wasn’t quite as resemblant of a children’s TV presenter as Patton’s coos and gasps were, but it was certainly enough to get Virgil smiling, as was quickly revealed when Logan pulled the blanket back with a joyful, ‘There he is!’

They kept at the game for several more minutes, none of them getting bored of the repetition.

It was quite difficult to be bored by Virgil’s squeaky giggles, Patton found. Especially when they were supplemented by Logan’s soothing voice and a grin brighter than Patton knew the logical side would have ever dared to display in any other situation.

By the last round, Virgil was getting sleepy; his laughter was interrupted by quiet yawns (which sent Patton’s heart racing as he questioned how a human being could so closely resemble a kitten).

‘Last one, Stormcloud,’ Patton chuckled as Logan covered the boy with the blanket once more. ‘Then it’s naptime.’

‘Where’s Virgil?’ Logan called. ‘Where’s the baby?’

Virgil’s giggles were quiet, and it was noticeable how he was swaying a lot more now, being too tired to support himself. It was a good thing that Logan refused to release him from his careful hold.

Patton had shuffled further toward the other two as the game went on and now he was fully leaning up against Logan’s side. When they both looked at each other with bright smiles, Patton actually dared to wonder whether Logan’s cheeks really were just flushed from all the laughter, or if maybe Patton wasn’t alone in feeling a spark where their arms touched.

‘Together?’ Logan suggested.

Patton was sure his smile was completely goofy by this point, but he hardly cared.

‘Three…’

Logan smiled. ‘Two…’

‘One…’ Patton pulled the blanket from Virgil’s head.

‘Peekaboo!’ the caregivers said in unison, their happy, sing-song tones identical.

oOo

AO3 link

Reblogs, likes, and comments are greatly appreciated! ♡

[an1malcannibal]

So about that sog Kai au 👀👀👀 do you mind telling us about it????😳😳😳

ALSJJDJSKALAJSJSKALA GOTCHU BRO 🥺💞💞💞 thank you for asking!!!!! Beware.... long post time....

Basically this starts aaaallllll the way back in season 4, where when Kai became the red shogun, he got involved in even shadier and shadier business situations (he basically becomes a for-hire grunt/guard because he’s so good at fighting! As a result, he’s so deep in the underworld and it’s dealings that when the ninja tried to look for him in season 4, they straight up can’t find him. They use all of their connections, everything they can, but he’s completely disappeared, without so much of a trace past three months after Zane died. (This is a year later. They hadn’t checked up on Kai in a while, he had a huge fight with them before he left, swore he never wanted to see them again, etc. they decided to give him time and space). So they file Kai as a missing person, and come together for the search for him! A few days after the report is filed and they start the search, they get their invitations to Chen’s! Kai didn’t get an invite because even Chen couldn’t find him... so the ninja have to make the difficult decision to pause their search and try and go save Zane, only to have nya AND Garmadon show up because Nya came with him for backup, but then she heard abt Zane, and made the even harder decision to join them on their quest to get Zane. Season 4 happens relatively the same, only Nya was the one to become romantically involved with skylor instead of Kai (staff moment didn’t happen because nya didn’t have the villainous traits for the staff to bring out rip. But it did help connect her to her elemental powers a little early! Good for you queen). But anyways. Harm still gets yeeted, seasons aftermath is the same except now they have Zane and have to face the search for Kai, which hits them like a ton of bricks. Season 4 ends.

so when season 5 starts everything is pretty different, there’s no tea shop, because all of their energy and focus is on the search for kai, so nya hasn’t had time to rlly focus on trying to develop her powers, so later when she trains her skill level is abt the same. morro happens, which delays the search AGAIN. they are in very low spirits abt all this. season 5s ending and resulting effects are the same. skybound does not happen just like in the show :). day of the dead happens, season 7 is a bit more complicated but again, results for the ninja are the same. basically normal seasons, except kai isn’t there and they are generally in lower spirits because all of their free time is spent looking for kai, but they think he’s either vanished completely or.... something worse that they don’t want to think about. so by time season 8 starts, the ninja have definitely become much more lax on their search, not spending as much time on it, dealing with other threats. they hate it, but ninjago needs defending and they are the ones to do it. by time season 8 starts, they’ve stopped actively going all over ninjago. they just keep their eyes out during missions more, that kind of thing. MEANWHILE!

this whole time, kais been doing his shady activities. traveling around with different gangs until he finds one that have him work for them full time, however it’s one of the biggest organized crime syndicates in ninjago. all over the whole continent! so he basically has to travel a lot, and he goes DEEP undercover, because originally he didn’t want anyone to find him, then it became he was so ashamed of all the criminal activity he’s taken part in. however, after a while of stewing in definitely the WORST environment for this kind of thing, he slowly but surely has so much resentment, the anger, then eventually even hate for the ninja. it wasn’t near overnight, but it happened. he thought about all the hurtful things they had said to eachother in their last fight. how deeply everyone’s words had cut. how they all seemed to gang up on him, when he now knew he was grieving, and sure he was out of line a bit then, but did it really require that? them taking everything out on him? he thought about how it took months for them to even realize he was gone, that his last motel was a dead end and he hadn’t left a trace since. how they didn’t try and somehow let him know that zane was alive. how they had seemed to search for him like mad and then disappear for so long, almost at this point having given up on finding him entirely. he didn’t want to talk to them, but it had been nice, secretly, to know that they at least cared enough to look for him, to miss him maybe. he thought about how zane dying had fractured the team, but kai being as good as dead didn’t seem to meaningfully impact the team in any way. he was selfish for thinking this, he knew, but GOD it hurt him more than he could describe. all that he had done for each of his teammates. his sister. his family. his whole life he had done nothing but sacrifice for all of them, only for them to not sacrifice a thing in return for him? he is. angry. and devastatingly depressed about it at the same time. and he’s filled with so many conflicting emotions, because on one side he still truly cares about them, and would do so much for things to go back to the way they were. but on the other side, he is just filled with so much resentment and anger, hatred all built up, the feeling of betrayal and deep, gut wrenching sadness, all swirling together, clouding his mind, mixing with his deep, almost hidden happiness of being actually FREE of all of the hero junk, the responsibility, the destiny, EVERYTHING. he also, even more secretly, enjoys the fighting more now. he doesn’t have to hold back. he can keep going until he burns himself out because that’s what he’s paid to do, damn the consequences. he’s swept up into being more and more violent, even accepting a few hit jobs a couple of times, mainly to see if he could. he could. basically rn he’s an absolute SOUP of conflicting violent emotions and dubious morality. This is the state he’s in when he meets Harumi.

he meets harumi on a job, she was working with the opposite gang, starting to get herself into the crime rings so she could firmly establish the sons of garmadon, (this part might change a bit because i actually have to watch season 8-9-10 lol but i’m getting to it i promise) they end up outside after, ending up sharing a lighter and some smokes, causing them to start talking, and end up opening up a bit and bonding a bit. they end up sort of.... acquaintances. they will talk after a job or before sharing a lighter to smoke sometimes, talking about so many different things. eventually they end up talking abt the ninja and how much they HATE them, harumi egging kai on in his negative emotions towards him, revealing her parents fates. kai ends up revealing the stuff abt his parents, how he was forced to raise his sister from far too young..... eventually revealing that he was, at one time. the red ninja. never again to him though. never again. he’s begun to hate everything he once stood for. harumi has her suspicions, he fit the description of the missing red ninja, from broadcasts and flyers. this was just the kind of business where you don’t ask those kinds of questions. besides, she liked kai. and what better way to get back at the green ninja, the once she hated most, than getting his former teammate on her side?

BUM BUM BUM

So that’s it so far!!!! I hope u like this bro! I have a lot more details and fights in mind, especially when we actually get into season 8 lol, but I don’t wanna spoil anything rn!!!!! Lots of fun stuff I’m planning on posting lol 👀 PLEASE tell me what u think bro..... I crave feedback and criticism..... pls bro.... 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

hello this isnt abt batfam or batman but i saw your age and was wondering how do i survive till 23? i am 18 now and 5 more years is very hard to survive please help

Interesting question. I turn 24 in ten days, and sometimes even I’m not sure. I guess I’ll talk about how I personally stayed alive this long before I try to give advice.

The very first thing I would say is that I am religious, and that worldview makes a difference. I don’t mean that in a “everything happens for a reason” kind of way, and as a matter of fact, I very much dislike that line of thinking. It does a lot of damage, and I’m aware that it rightly puts a lot of people off from religion in general. 

I hold two beliefs that I think are helpful in terms of survival. First, I believe that humans are by nature bad. Counterintuitive in this conversation? Stick with me. Every day, but especially at my lowest moments, I hate the things that I am. In a metaphorical sense, my mind whispers to me that I am selfish, that I am cowardly, that I think bad things and I am capable of worse. I’m hateful, I’m terrifying, and I am absolutely broken. At my core, there is something fundamentally wrong, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t fix it. 

I am disgusting. I’m several thousand evil things in a trench-coat pretending to be anything but myself, and I’m not fooling anyone. 

Well, yeah. Yeah, I’m all those things and more: manipulative, lying, self-obsessed, angry, unforgiving, and judgmental. I could, of course, go on.

Here’s the thing-- everybody is. I am no better and no worse than any other person in the universe, and though I am ever abhorrent thing, I am. I have the same dignity, the same worth, and the same life as any human anywhere. The dark things are part and parcel of my humanity, but although I am not good, I do good. 

I will never be perfect because that just isn’t possible, but I can be kind. I can be loving, I can be strong, and I can be wise. 

Shit, doesn’t that set me free?

There’s a lot more to this conversation, and the rest goes, in brief, like this: at the bottom of the darkness that is every soul, we have one great fear-- if I am truly evil, no one will ever love me. Good news on that front, there is a God who does. If that’s something you want to talk about, hey hit me up. I’ll evangelize on my own time. 

Back to it. My second belief is a kind of understanding about the passage of time, and it’s sort of hard to boil down into a few sentences, but I’ll try my best. I believe in a grand struggle between good and evil. I know the beginning of that struggle. I know the end of that struggle: that good will win. I am a part of the middle. 

I see my role in the universe as extraordinary small but absolutely necessary. I have a two-fold purpose-- love God, love humans. I interpret both as a call to help others in any way I can, and I think in the way my life has worked out so far, that’s really the most important thing keeping me alive. 

I see all of this through the frame of my religion, but I would argue that everything I’ve said so far is applicable outside of that frame, because a lot of folks get to the same place from a fully secular point of view. I cannot be perfect. I should care about and fight for other people. That’s really all we’re working from here. 

A few years back, when people asked me this question-- how do you stay alive?-- I used to answer “spite,” and that’s not untrue. I am a very angry person, and the grand majority of that anger is directed at what I perceive as unjust acts. I have a deep-seated hatred of establishments (including the established church), and you’d be shocked at how much of a motivator that can be. 

I grew up in an environment that was very intentional in teaching me to identify injustice. Though I have radically departed from many of the teachings of my childhood, the part about fighting for others was something I learned at day one, and that bit has stuck around. For the most part, I grew up in an environment where everyone was on the same page about it. 

And theeeeeeen I went to undergrad. Hello, Texas A&M. I hit campus as an 18 year old fully incapacitated by anxiety. I was the kind of person who didn’t-- in fact couldn’t-- speak in front of others. I had always lived my life in a way that minimized myself, because if I never spoke, if I never disagreed, if I never drew attention, I would never make anyone angry. I knew from experience that angry people hurt me, and I was afraid of pain. 

Then I experienced the absolute shenaniganry of conservative Texans. The culture shock sent me to space and back, and on the return trip I decided that I couldn’t be quiet anymore. 

I learned to speak my freshman year so that I could scream FUCK YOU. It was incredibly painful, and I can’t tell you exactly how I managed it other than I was angry, and I didn’t want to lose. 

I fought a similar battle on my homefront against parents that didn’t know how to deal with a daughter that disagreed, or even worse, a daughter that wasn’t okay. I wasn’t a perfect child anymore. I knew I had anxiety, I knew I was depressed, and we all knew who I blamed for that. They hadn’t been the perfect parents they thought they were. 

I found myself growing, little by little, into a person that could write and argue and hold her ground. That’s personal growth for sure, but it didn’t necessarily help my mental health. As a matter of fact, my health declined all through undergrad, and in my third and final year, I cracked.

I was desperate. I was isolated. I was flooded by fear and despair, and I was falling apart. I don’t remember huge chunks of undergrad because I was so depressed that the memories didn’t stick, but I do remember my tipping point.

It was something small. The ceiling fan in my bedroom was broken. The lighting chain worked fine, but if anyone pulled the fan chain, the whole thing would stop working. I mixed up which chain was which, pulled the wrong cord, and broke it for the fourth time. 

For some reason, that was it. I lay down on my floor and cried for an hour, and while I did, my mind went to, as the kids say, a dark place. Finally, I called my mom and begged for psychiatric medication, something I had always been afraid to ask for. At the time, my parents believed that antidepressants were overprescribed, and they mocked parents that let their children take them. 

At around the same time, I was deciding what to do with my life. I was about to graduate, and I had always wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. Instead, everyone in my life pushed me towards law school. I didn’t know what to do, but I began fantasizing, not about going to law school exactly, but about being the kind of person that could go to law school. 

I knew that law school would be entail public speaking and constant conflict and the kind of work that would be hard for a person who sometimes couldn’t leave her bed. I wanted to be someone who could do all of that, but I didn’t believe I was.

Enter Donald Trump. Post-November 2016, I struggled to understand how something like that could happen, and I watched everyone else deal with it too. I began confused, moved to distraught, then returned to what I always am: angry.

January 2017 was the inauguration and shortly afterwards, the “Muslim ban.” I read the news on my bedroom floor, and there was one specific part that stuck out to me. There were pictures of lawyers flooding the airports. There was a court case headed for SCOTUS.

I suddenly realized that one group-- one very select group-- was doing what I was powerless to accomplish. I hated establishments, and there was one group that could challenge and change them. Some people could fight in the way I wanted to, and those people were lawyers.

I have a very distinct memory of looking into the bathroom mirror of my third-year apartment and thinking, “I will be miserable for the rest of my life, no matter what I do or what career I pick. I might as well be a miserable lawyer.”

So I took my antidepressants and I went to law school. I’m not going to rehash everything that happened there in this particular post, because in this topic, I don’t think it matters. The relevant part is that I went, and I had my reason why.

Sure as hell can tell you that law school wasn’t good for my health. The last three years have been, in terms of sheer stress and despair, the worst of my life. I picked up a self-harm habit, endured consistent humiliation, cycled through six different antidepressants, had horrible relationships, and developed a psychotic disorder. Don’t get me wrong, there were good things too. I met people that are important me, and beyond that, I grew. 

I know that 18 year old me would be absolutely flabbergasted by the woman I am now, cracks and flaws included. I wouldn’t say I’m healthy or okay, but I am more healthy and more okay. I’m coming out of this mess with the institutional power I wanted, and now I get to decide what to do with it. 

I was wrong three years ago when I looked in that bathroom mirror. I know now that I won’t be miserable for the rest of my life. I’m going to be happy someday, and to the parts of me that say otherwise: fuck you. I’ve learned to say it now. 

I graduated law school this week, and this month, I’ve felt better than I ever have before. I’m singing again, I dropped two medications, and suddenly, everything is so, so funny. I’ve been laughing so hard my face hurts the day after. 

This is a huge turning point in my life, so I’ve been meditating on my past. I’ve come to the conclusion that in most of the ways that matter, I won. My family has been forced to accept what I am. I became the person I wanted to be, even though I thought I wasn’t capable of that. 

I know for sure that there will be times in my life where I hit rock bottom again, and that’s not gonna be fun. It’s likely that with my mental health issues, I will always have to work harder than my peers to get the same results. That’s unfair. 

I also know that high points exist, and I will have them. I am having them, and I will again. 

I guess in recap, I know that I have deep flaws and ugly parts, but I am at peace with that. I know that I must help others, and in pursuit of that goal, I became a person I like more than the girl I used to be. 

You have exactly the same potential. I want you to know that whatever you are now, that’s not your forever. Circumstances change, and you will change too. We’re human, you and I, and that’s an exciting thing to be. 

Your worth comes from your humanity itself, both evil and good, not the things you do or the fights you win. You never have to compare yourself to others because you are exactly the same as everybody else-- no better, but certainly no worse. You’re a person. That’s enough. 

I’m telling you all those things, and as advice, I’ll say this: get angry and fight. Fight for others. You can help them, and you should. Fight for yourself. You are worthy of respect, and everyone else should give it to you. Fight yourself. Any part of you that preaches despair is wrong. 

Find the thing that makes you angry and use it. Things are fucked up! There’s a lot to be angry about. I put it this way to my classmates, now my attorney peers: you get one hill to die on. What’s your hill? Go and defend it. 

Here’s an interesting thing, anon. Your hill can be yourself. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re right. Five years is a lot, and all the years beyond that are more. Take your antidepressants and go.

[idjitlili]

Stop wait and listen baby that’s my pilosophy.

A request for @medievalmage

'Hello! Would you do a Faramir x reader where you’re out scouting with him and his brother and it’s night time and you end up falling asleep on his shoulder. Then Boromir won’t stop teasing Faramir abt it the next day and it’s adorable af and you just sorta kiss Faramir to stop Boromir’s teasing. Thank you!'

Hiya my dude,so sorry this is very late, I just haven't been feeling Faramir at the moment,but honestly I cant deny requests ,so here we are. I've been very busy making a teapot and bread,plus being tired. I hope this is alright for you.

Summary:Imagine growing up with Faramir and Boromir,you had liked Boromir when you were younger,but as you matured you lost them feelings and gained them for his younger brother.

Word count:1430

It was no lie growing up you had deeply liked Boromir ,how could you not?Gorgerous hair ,gorgerous face,charming. You had been bestfriends growing up ,well with his brother Faramir ,just friends with Boromir. Faramir never knew of your feelings for his brother;and he was the person you trusted the most.

Anways growing up,you would often spar with them ,westle ,whatever ,they taught you how to fight in fact ,when you were young. They thought you being close to the stewards sons could cause evil to try get a hold of you ,to get what they wanted from the stewards sons, gold and such.Yeah so they taught you how to defend yourself from danger,it took a while but you got there eventually. In fact it caused you to become much more close to the brothers ;you would wrestle with them after that. As you became much more accustom to their physical contact.

Your mother would tease you asking which one would you marry,she didn't have any problem you being around them,knowing they would become noble men. She was very pleased to discover that you had een trained to be able to defend yourself. However your father was not so pleased with you for being so close to these men,well teenages right now,as the years progressed his hatred died down. They would often come over for dinner,as you all would ride into the freelands for training and camping. When you would come home the next day ,it would be time for supper,so you'd invite them round.

Your father grew to like them ,even laugh with them,but he did question in secret with your mother when your marriage with faramir would be revealed. Your mother may of knew who you had liked ,but she knew you would grow to love one of them ,more than a school girl crush. Your father already knew from the look in Faramir and your eyes when they would meet from across the table.

You were only a young adult when you had joined the rangers with Faramir,which he allowed because he wouldn't let any harm come to you,plus he knew you could defend yourself.  That is what he would tell himself ,but in reality ,he wanted to spent as much time with you ,and be close to your as much as he could without being weird.

Anyways you two did grow close after just a week of working together ,constantly in each others presences. Truthfully everyone else that were apart of the rangers were men,they kinda scared you ,so you stayed by someone you tursted with your your whole heart,faramir. After that week ,you began to fall in love with the stewards youngest son. One or two of the rangers had degraded you ,or made some sorta sexual comment ,Faramir would appear and give them shit. After he would make sure you were alright,looking at you deep in your eyes,within two weeks you definitely began to realise that you were in love with your life long bestfriend.

That was over two months ago,you Faramir were closer than ever ,but you were about to be closer. Denethor II your bestfriends father ,had sent you ,Faramir and Boromir out scounting. Well actually Denethor was like 'Boromir go scout with some other dudes' not those exact words of choice ,so Boromir had chosen you two of course.

So you had taken your horses to go scout the forests ,near Gondor for spiders nest ,or orcs that could be planning to attack. You three had spent all day searching ,only to find nothing. Before you all knew it ,it was almost dark,you had made camp before you all gathered firewood. With that soon a fire was lit and you were all sat around the fire.  

You had forced the boys to help you peel some potatoes ,before putting them in the pan on the fire in some water. Sam would be proud to know you were making mash potatoes. They didn't take long ,your bellies were quickly filled. You had sat very close to Faramir as you were used to with all the other rangers ,as there was less spaced. General conversations ,and some of Boromirs battle stories were shared.

Yet soon your eyes grew heavy ,as the night grew dark,you hadn't even realised you had been leaning on faramir. You could not think about such a thing ,as you fell into sleep ,causing your head to rest upon faramirs should, he had wrapped his arm around you to support you up,but actually it in a few minutes you were against his chest ,clinging onto him.

Faramir had just watched you peaceful in his arms ,until his brother had caused him to break that gaze. "you know she loves you?" he had spoken sincerely ,he had seen it for a long time,such as your father. "don't give me hope when there is none ,brother." faramir was annoyed at the state,ment ,as he really did love you ,but he couldn't see that you felt the same about him. "then why is she so comfortable to lay on top of you? It seems to me that is not the first time." faramifrhad blushed ,but thankfully the flames of the fire had hidden that ,it was true ,you had down this many times before.

"just you see tomorrow I shall get the truth."

And Boromir was true to his words he would get the truth ,even if he had to go to you and get you to admit your feelings. Instantly when you we awake ,being last up, Boromir had began the teasing. He had been sat upon a log ,carving a small piece of wood with a sharp small knife. You had sat upon out of Faramirs hold ,beginning to brush your hair,allowing Faramif to finally sit up.

"So brother, when can i expect a nice or a nephew?" the smirk was clear in his voice, Faramir had sighed ,you turned to the brothers confused. "w-what? you have a woman?"  you were beyond embarrassed you would not have dared to touch him ,he was your bestfriend why wouldn't he say anything. Now faramir's cheeks had flared up."n-no my brother is-" but Boromir had cut his bullshit off ,like a dogs nuts. " i just figured from how close you to were , that it can't be too long until you are pregnant." you had choked, lauching yourself at Boromir ,more like tackling him ,causing him to drop his knife ,straddling his chest,his arms above his head. "damn  I should expect one real soon then. Brother she has some moves." Faramir just watched in embarassment at the whole situation.

"you'd think for being my bestfriend,you would know im virgin,also we used to wrestle all the time ,it not kinky shit."  as soon as you were finished you had squeezed Boromirs cheekjs,before grinning. "you know as child ,I had a crush on you,Boromir." he had grinned back shaking his head no,faramir just stood a few feet away ,knowing you never liked him. "well uh that didn't last long,-" you had stood up ,holding out your hand for Boromir to take,in which he did.

"don't expect children soon ,but I do love your brother" you had walked over to Faramir cupping his cheeks ,pressing your lips swiftly to his,before walking over to your horse feeding it an apple from your bag on his saddle.   Boromir had smirked at his brother raising his eyebrows ,while ,Faramir was a beet still watching you.

"I heard everything last night,thats my pilosophy baby,."

[holylulusworld]

In the Blue (2)

Request: Was thinking something angsty with Sebastian Stan & reader. His friend maybe tells him that she's not nice & is behind his fame & money so she's acting all nice. Once when she's talking abt someone else Seb thinks she's actually talking abt him. He acts cold towards her & throws her out on her b'day. He insults her in front of everyone & tells everyone how bad she is. She leaves the country & changes all the contacts. Seb sees her after 2yrs, with his child. Idk a happy ending??? 

I got inspired to write this sequel by Kelly Clarkson’s ‘In the Blue’ 

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader, Chris Evans x Reader (platonic), OFC Matteo Christopher, OFC Sarah Mitchell, Scarlett Johansson

Warnings: angst, unrequited love, sad reader, mentions of heartbreak/break-up, arguments, a hint of violence (a few slaps), Chris being a good bro, a hint of daddy!Sebastian

You love me not masterlist

Chris tried everything to distract you, to make you feel comfortable while Sebastian wouldn’t stop calling him, asking how you are doing. It’s three weeks since he saw you again and he tries anything to get in touch with you.

Your eyes drift toward your son, playing in the sun with his nanny. Loretta is an experienced nanny, almost like a mother to you and a grandmother to your son. She knows what happened and told you to kick your ex-boyfriends’ ass. But honestly, you are too exhausted, too tired of fighting with Sebastian to do so.

He doesn’t know where you are living, no one of your ‘old’ life knows, except for your parents and Chris. Your best friend had to swear to never tell Sebastian where to find you. 

The man ripping your heart out, the man not believing you is in your past. There is no turning back from what he did to you.

Sebastian is determined to get to know his son, but you don’t care. He could’ve been a father two years ago, share the experience of pregnancy and giving birth with you but he was busy pleasing his friend, Sarah, instead of standing up for you.

Christopher is squealing, as you smile him. Getting your phone you take another picture for Chris. He loves your son and you are sure he would be a great father, but your heart is still healing from the deep scar Sebastian left.

You want to trust a man again, but you are too afraid of getting hurt once again. Chris is a great man, but you can’t risk ruining your friendship. You will never be good enough for him either way…

Your son walks toward you, smiling and his blue eyes shine, reminding you once again of the man you loved and lost. Mind drifting toward better times with Sebastian you need to hold back fresh tears.

Some days I barely miss you

Some days I'm almost alright

Smiling you pick your son up, ready to head out to meet up with your friend. Chris invited you to visit the set, assuring you Sebastian won’t be there for another week. His role is not needed for the current scenes.

“Do you want to visit Uncle Chris?” You whisper.

Your son babbles when you carry him out of your house. For a moment you just hold him close, hold him tight to feel his little body pressed against yours.

Memories want to come back, reminding you of the feeling of Sebastian holding you in his arms but you shake the thought away. He made his decision two years ago. 

And some nights I turn to kiss you

But you're not beside my side

 ----

Making your way to the set you smile seeing Chris waving at you. Scarlett says something, and his features darken. She knows about the break-up and the reason behind it. She became a friend and you wonder why Chris is starting to run toward you until you see her…Sarah.

“I can’t believe you try to trick Seb with a fake pregnancy. Did you let a random guy knock you up to get him back or did you borrow the child?” She snarls striding towards you.

“I got no clue what’s wrong with your brain Sarah, but for sure I do not want him back. You can do whatever you want with him. I’m not interested in getting a man not standing by my side when I need him, back. Leave me and my son alone.”

She smirks, getting closer. Sarah has the guts to try to look at your son to see if he looks like Sebastian. Her smile falls seeing your son has the same features as Seb, his eyes and even his hair.

“Hands off Y/N’s son.” Chris is by your side, shoving you behind his back. “I got no clue why you are here or how you even got on set, but you will be gone in a minute. Scarlett called the security guards. Get lost, Sarah.”

“Is the little slut now using your fame and money?” She won’t give up, glancing at you with a toothy grin. “I mean I got Sebastian so she needs to find someone new.”

“You don’t get it, right? Y/N and Sebastian were in love. She was pregnant and he could’ve had a family with her. You destroyed his chance to get happy for selfish reasons. I can’t believe he fell for your lies.” Chris is shoving Sarah away, glaring at her. “One more word and I forget myself and slap a woman for the first time in my life. My parents raised me better, but I’ll do it if I have to…”

“Leave this to me,” Scarlett states rushing to her friends’ side. “I’ll hit that bitch with pleasure, Chris.”

“What’s going on…?” Gasping Sebastian rushes to your side, looking at his son in your arms and the tears welling up your eyes as Sarah throws more insults and hurtful words at you. “Why are you here, Sarah? I told you to stay away from me and the set!”

“But Sebby, I know you don’t mean it that way, we belong together. I told you two years ago.” Sarah coos, trying to touch Sebastian's cheek but he slaps her hand away, shaking his head.

“Leave the set…”

“Don’t worry, I called the security and there they are.” Scarlett waves at the security guards, pointing toward Sarah. 

She’s trying to grab Sebastian’s jacket, wiggling, and cursing but the security guards drag her off the set. Your eyes meet Sebastian, but you look away, sniffling. Seeing Sarah opened slowly healing wounds and you need all your strength to not let the tears burst free.

“Chris, can we go somewhere else? Please…”

“Sure, doll. Let me lead you to my trailer. We can have lunch and calm a bit.”

“Wait, let’s go to my trailer, please. I want to talk to you, Y/N. Just give me five minutes, that’s all I want.” Sebastian tries to touch your arm, but you flinch away as if his touch will burn your skin.

His eyes are filled with tears seeing your reaction. You used to lean into his touch, even if it was only a peck on your cheek but now you can’t let him touch you.

Yeah, my heart is wet and heavy but my body's on the run

'Cause the night is gonna get me and it's only just begun

I keep living on the memory of you and me

You, me in the sun, in the sun

“Please give me a moment to explain, Y/N. I swear I only want to talk to you, please.” Your eyes meet Chris blue ones and you bite your lower lip as he gives you a curt nod.

“Fine, ten minutes but my son stays with Chris meanwhile. I don’t want him to hear your lies.” Voice hard you smile at Chris who’s carefully taking your son, distracting the little boy immediately.

Sebastian watches his friend holding his son and his heart aches even more. He would do anything to change places with Chris right now.

“Follow me…” Seb mumbles and you take a deep breath, ready to leave your past behind once for all. Maybe it’s a good opportunity to make the final cut.

----

“Y/N…” Pacing around the room Sebastian points toward a huge bag. “I bought toys for my son. Can I give the toys to him, please?”

“No. We don’t need anything. My son has all he needs. Chris doesn’t need your gifts. I don’t want him to end up like me. He doesn’t need to hear his father believed his son faked loving him to get money or fame.” You spat ignoring Sebastian’s sad eyes.

“Please. I would never…”

“You would never what, Seb?” Poking your finger into his chest you glare at your former lover. “Tell him he was never good enough for you? That you can’t believe his lies any longer? That someone not involved in our relationship was more important than me – the woman you claimed to love? Huh? You wouldn’t do such a thing?”

Anger radiating through your body you slap his cheek repeatedly, turning to leave.

“You have to understand…no…you don’t have to but please… Sarah and I are friends since childhood. She was my first kiss with ten. I never thought she would lie to me, would destroy my relationship, Y/N. I thought she’s telling me the truth.” Sebastian’s voice cracks glancing at the toys in the bag.

“She was more important than me. You believed her and didn’t even give me the chance to prove I’m telling the truth. I could’ve called my colleague, could have called Jenny and both would’ve confirmed she’s lying.” Panting you press one hand onto your heart. It’s relieving to finally let all the words out. “I called you, Seb. For over a month I called you, crying, begging but you ignored me.”

Tears want to break free, but you blink them away, shaking your head as he reaches out for you. His eyes meet yours and you look away, to not drown into his sad blue eyes.

No matter where you are a little piece of my heart

Will be forever with you

In the blue, in the blue

In a thousand years, we'll be far from here

I'll be forever with you in the blue, in the blue

“Y/N…”

“I’m not done!” Slapping his cheek once again you stomp your feet and a little smile crosses his face. Sebastian always loved seeing you stand your ground. “You accused me that I only used you, that I never loved you, but you were the one tossing five years away without thinking twice. Do you know how often Sarah or someone else said you were flirting with one of your colleagues? With Scarlett or Elizabeth? I never believed a single word. I never asked you if it’s true. It’s called trust, Sebastian. The most important thing in a relationship besides love is trust…”

“I know, please give me a chance to be a father. Please let me hold my son for a few minutes. I’m begging you. I go on my knees if I must, please. I never got over you, never forgot our time together. Sarah admitted she lied a year after you were gone and I tried to find you, but no one knew where you moved to. Your parents refused to tell me anything…” Sinking to his knees Sebastian grabs your hand but you step back, freeing your hand.

“Don’t touch me…”

“Please let me hold my child…”

“Fine, five minutes and then I’m gone…”

----

Chris gives you an encouraging smile handing you your son. “I know he hurt you, but I think he’s regretting everything, and he barely sleeps since he saw you. He called me for months after Matteo was born but I told him I don’t know where you moved to…”

“I’ll give him five minutes and then I’m gone…”

Yeah, I'm running from this city like a diamond in the sky

 And I'm trying to count my blessings 'stead of all the tears I've cried

 I keep driving in this darkness to get you to get you off my mind, off my mind

I'll start over in a new place, put my feet back on the ground

 Can't believe the mess that I've made just trying to drown you out

 Baby, one day I won't miss you

 I'll stop looking for you in the crowd, in the crowd

Sebastian’s hands start shaking when you let him hold his son. Matteo is tugging at his father’s long hair, squealing. 

“He likes to tug at hair. That’s the reason I wear my hair in a messy bun around this little monster.” Not taking his eyes of his son Sebastian nods, sniffling when the little boy glances up at him.

“Dadda?” Matteo squeals and you take a deep breath, grabbing the edge of the couch you or sitting on. How can he know?

“What did you say, baby boy?” Sebastian chokes out. Your son grabs his fathers’ nose, babbling. “Dadda?”

“He called me daddy…he called me daddy…” Sebastian sits onto the couch, pressing his son closer to his body as you can’t hold back the tears. 

“I don’t know why…” You sniffle. “He only knows Chris and my dad. He never called Chris dadda.”

“My baby boy knows I’m his father, Y/N. He knows it. God, he knows I’m his daddy, Baby Girl. Please don’t take this away from me. I’m begging you…”

“Sebastian, you had your chance two years ago. Do you believe I can let you hurt my son too? That I could ever trust you again after the stunt you pulled?” Taking your son out of Sebastian’s arms you need to shush him as he starts crying. Holding out his arms for his father.

“I got toys…wait…”

Opening the bag Sebastian doesn’t know what his son likes so you place Matteo onto the floor to let him choose a toy. He’s grabbing a stuffed animal, a fluffy dog, squealing.

“He likes dogs. Chris brought his dog with him a few times. I had to soothe Matteo after as he wanted the dog to stay. He’s a stubborn little man, just like his daddy.” Gently stroking your son's head you watch him offering the toy to Sebastian.

“Please let me see him. I’ll come anytime you allow me to see him.”

No matter where you are a little piece of my heart will be forever with you

In the blue, in the blue

In a thousand years we'll be far from here

I'll be forever with you in the blue, in the blue

“I need time to think about it. I have to go…I need…” Picking your son up you almost run out of the trailer, not looking back you let the tears fall. How can your son call Sebastian daddy?

“Y/N, please wait. At least give me your number, at least give me anything. A picture…” Sebastian pleas while Chris and Scarlett try to act if they do not feel sorry for all of you. 

“Ask Chris, he was interested in me and your son. He has a lot of pictures. Let him send you one ‘cause I won’t give you anything. Not now…”

Sebastian watches you rushing toward your car, Matteo in your arms as he sinks to his knees starting to cry. 

I see your face in every stranger

Footsteps down the hall

Warm breath, back of my neck

Shadows on the wall

And your voice is loud as thunder hey

I can hear it crashing in my head, yeah

No matter where you are a little piece of my heart will be forever with you

In the blue, in the blue

In a thousand years we'll be far from here

I'll be forever with you in the blue, in the blue

I'll be forever with you in the blue, in the blue

All works Tags

@yolobloggers​​, @meganywinchester​​​, @shikshinkwon​​​, @miraclesoflove​​ ​, @mogaruke​​, @shatteredabby​​, @soryuwifeyxx​​, @letsdisneythings​​, @i-love-superhero​

Marvel Tags

@stuckys-whore​​, @notyourtypicalrose​​, @voltage-my2dlove​​, @thedoctorscamanion , @officialmarvelwhore​​, @randomgirlkensy​​, @juniorhuntersam​​, @lumar014​​, @doctorswife221b​​, @badboysdoitbetter2​​​, @sister-winchesters99​​, @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​​, @the-soulofdevil​

Steve Rogers/Chris Evans Tags

@hhiggs​​​​, @roonyxx​​​, @stylesismyhubs​​​, @multisuperfandom​​, @mrspeacem1nusone​​, @shadowcatsworld

[nctnight]

(college!johnny part three) < part one < part two

a/n: first half in italics is flashback! and i listened to d half moon by dean while writing this. listen to it and... enjoy c:

5:24pm

“what is this, Johnny?” you squint your eyes trying to hold your laughter. you are pretty sure that 70% of his body is covered in chocolate.

when you had opened the door to his apartment you didn’t expect to find him almost drowned in dough and flour. 

he grins sheepishly. “I was trying to make a cake for you, for your birthday,” he explains. “but it kinda exploded,”

you roll your eyes. “cakes don’t explode, what did you do?”

Johnny hands you a piece of paper and says, “the recipe Mark gave me.”

you laugh, not being able to hold it. he looks so lost, yet trying to keep his confidence. Johnny can’t help but laugh as well. that’s what you did to him. you made him light and happy, safe. like if he had a place in this world, and it was beside you.

“why don’t you take a shower and we’ll go to a bakery eat some cake and then we can celebrate my birthday at the pizza place.” you offer, wiping some chocolate from his nose. “we’ll invite Mark, Yeri, Haechan, Yuta...”

he nods and sighs. “well, at least I tried.”

“and I’m glad you did.” you chuckle, looking up at his face. he smiles cunningly. “what now? what else did you do? did you explode Mark too?”

“no,” he says, laughing. “I bought you a present.”

you gasp, hands flying to your mouth. “what is it? give it to me”

he shakes his head. “your birthday is only tomorrow,”

“I don’t care, it’s my birthday week, you can give it to me now,” you argue. he pauses a moment, as if pondering your request. you smack him in the arm, making him wince. “come on, you giant.”

“I am not a giant, you are the one who’s small,” he pauses, staring at your attempt at making puppy eyes. “okay, wait here.”

Johnny disappears into his room, leaving you with a knot on your stomach. whatever he had for you, you knew you would keep it forever. he showed up a minute later, his hand closed in a fist. “close your eyes, open your hand.”

you look at him questioningly but do as you are told. something metallic falls on your palm, and you can tell is a type of chain. “you can open your eyes now,” he whispers too close to your neck.

on your palm was a golden necklace. it had a small anatomic heart. “it’s prettier than that cliche heart and it looks cuter, anyway. I thought you’d like it. and I also printed a picture of us together and bought a frame, but I will give it to you tomorrow, no buts.”

you squeal and jump into a hug, not caring about the mess he was. “thank you so much. I love you.”

“I-I love you too, y/n...” he whispers, hugging you back. “you are my best friend.”

. . . 

[05:24 PM, 4/10/2020] mork lee: y’know u should talk to him…

[05:24 PM, 4/10/2020] y/n: who?

[05:25 PM, 4/10/2020] mork lee: you know who, y/n

[05:26 PM, 4/10/2020] mork lee: he’s coming up w the creepiest and most disturbing scenarios to why u r avoiding him

[05:29 PM, 4/10/2020] y/n: we won’t be friends anymore if I tell him

[05:34 PM, 4/10/2020] mork lee: I hope so lol

[05:34 PM, 4/10/2020] mork lee: just talk to him, k? you guys will sort it out

[05:41 PM, 4/10/2020] y/n: I’ll think abt it

. . . 

april 12th

it truly was a beautiful spring day. the birds were chirping, the trees were the prettiest shade of green, the sky was a pale blue. you decided to take a walk. spring break was coming around the corner and the truth was, you were going to miss your campus life. 

you had so much more freedom than back home. you had Mark, Haechan, Johnny. you hadn’t spoken to him since the party, four days ago. you were scared that you wouldn’t be able to say your farewells before spring break. he hadn’t texted you, so you were hesitant to take the first step.

you put on your favorite sweater and leave your room, earphones and phone in hands. you had to finish some essays due this weekend, but your mind was cheating on you with thoughts of him. it was frustrating and irritating. nothing seemed to make sense.

a sigh leaves your lips, as one of Johnny’s playlist plays through the earphones. 

your eyes wander through the landscape ahead of you: students leaving class—fortunately, you had morning classes and had your afternoons and nights free—, people speaking on the phone, exercising, laying on the grass to catch the last sunshine of the day. 

and there, a few meters away from you was Johnny. he was holding a pretty flower in his hand, his eyes locked on you. he smiled hesitantly. you pause your music, approaching slowly. “hey,” you say, giving him a small smile.

“hey, I was actually coming to see you...” he trails off, scratching the back of his head. he smiles again, taking a pause. “I think you’re keeping something from me, y/n. I’m not sure what it is, but I must be honest with you. I’m hiding something as well.”

you gulp, watching as he becomes a ball of nerves. you cross your arms over your chest. “what is it?”

“well uh...” Johnny pauses again and takes a deep breath “I-I was so scared when we became friends because you’re an awesome person and you understand me and my art, you know about all my dreams, my fears, but I d-didn’t tell you that I’m irrationally scared of being rejected,” he pauses, catching his breath. “you are too good, of course you’d reject me... and that’s why I didn’t confess to you when I first noticed that I liked you. but if I keep it in for too much longer I will explode,” he smiles awkwardly.

you felt your whole body going numb. your mouth went dry. your hand went to your chest, trying to calm your rabbit heart “w-what about Marie? why did you hooked up with her? was that to hurt me?”

“no! obviously not. it was something so dumb, and I’m sorry about it. I truly am and I understand if you want to stop talking to me after this, but the truth is that I tried to forget you with her,” his eyes look deeply into yours, his lips pressed in a thin line. “I know it’s a cliche, it’s just a dumb excuse. I admit it was something stupidly wrong to do, but I was not brave enough... now I am. you are my best friend but I want to be... more.” 

he looks away, playing with the flower still in his hands. “if you decide that you do not feel the same, I ask that you at least let me be your friend. I rather have you as my friend than not to have you at all.”

you bite your lip. “but, Johnny... I decided, a long time ago actually. I love you.” you chuckle dryly, remembering the party and how lost you are when it comes to Johnny Suh. his eyes widen, processing what you had just said. “I can’t blame you for being scared, because I was, too. but don’t try to cover up anything from me ever again, please.”

he nods, an anxious smile on his face—that same smile that has been giving you carnivore moths on your stomach for the past seven months. his fingers tangle into yours, your grin slowly widens. he’s so beautiful, it hurts, you think, but it’s a good hurt.

“this is for you,” he hands you the flower, a lilac tulip. “will you go on a date with me?”

you nod excitedly, accepting the flower. “what about a picnic?”

[captainkippen]

prompt tiiiimeeee shovel talk shovel talk shovel talk i need the ghc+jonah talking to tj abt being nice to cy and rOLE REVERSAL the basketball boys telling cyrus what a softie tj actually is and to be nice to him 🥺

Four Times TJ Got Given The Shovel Talk + The One Time Cyrus Did Instead

Buffy and Jonah

In hindsight, TJ probably should have seen it coming the first time. It had been three weeks since he summoned up the courage to tell Cyrus how he felt at Andi’s party (the most terrifying moment of his life) and all their friends had been suspiciously quiet about it. At first he’d assumed maybe Cyrus hadn’t gotten around to telling them yet, even though that seemed unlikely in the face of his love for gossip, and when it became apparent that they did know he just assumed they didn’t care enough to bother him about it.

Oh, how wrong he was.

Jonah and Buffy cornered him in the music store one afternoon, waiting until Cyrus was sufficiently distracted picking up the box of guitar picks he’d sent clattering to the ground by accident just a few moments before.

“He really likes you, you know that right?” Buffy asked, pretending to peruse a box of records. “Cyrus, I mean.”

Jonah loomed behind her looking like he didn’t quite know what he was doing there, just shrugging in response when TJ shot him a bemused look. 

“Yeah. I got that,” Said TJ. “I like him too.”

“Good.”

After a moment of silence, TJ assumed it was safe to turn back to the Back In Black vinyl he’d been looking at. He’d only just flipped it over when Buffy cleared her throat again, and forced himself to hold back a sigh. 

“If you hurt him, nobody will ever find your body once I’m through with you.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“I’m serious.”

“She is,” Jonah agreed firmly.

“Yeah, I got that too,” TJ said. “Look, I’m not going to hurt him. I like him, like I said. I don’t know why he’s with me - you and I both know he could do better, but he is with me. And I’m not gonna risk screwing that up for anything.”

Buffy rocked back on her heels, evaluating him carefully in a way that left him feeling like he’d just been x-rayed with her eyes. It was unsettling. Finally, she gave a satisfied nod and looked back to the boxes. 

“Do you think my mom would like any of these?”

TJ grinned and began listing recommendations. 

Andi

The second time, he felt totally justified in being blindsided. He was new to this dating thing, but TJ was pretty sure the shovel talk was meant to be a one time thing. Apparently Cyrus’ friends hadn’t got the memo.

“Cyrus is a really good person,” Andi said, making TJ jump as he closed the refrigerator door to find her lurking behind it. 

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” He replied, trying to calm his rocketing pulse. 

She was sneaky -- too sneaky. He hadn’t even heard her coming. It was a Saturday, one that they should have been spending out having a frisbee game in the park, but the rain had come in heavy the night before and washed that idea away fast. Instead they had settled for a ping-pong tournament at Cyrus’ house. The whole group was there, which TJ already found intimidating enough. He wanted them all to like him. Thankfully, they all seemed to be just as competitive at the game as he was and he’d felt himself slipping into place alongside them all just before he’d slipped out to grab a soda. It was nice, that feeling of camaraderie. Nice to have friends whose competition was more teasing and fun than built on impressing others like Reed and Kira’s always had been.

Andi looked unimpressed. “I could do worse than give you a heart attack, but I won’t. As long as you don’t hurt him. If you make him cry I will destroy you.”

His eyes widened involuntarily. Andi wasn’t particularly big or threatening and she’d never had the same feistiness that Buffy had, but her tone meant business. He believed she could destroy him if she wanted to. Her parents would probably help -- they loved Cyrus almost as much as they loved their daughter.

“Okay,” he said, unsure of what else to do.

It was a little frightening how quickly her face went from deadly serious to sunshine and rainbows.

“Cool, can you grab me a Dr Pepper? It’s way too hot downstairs.”

Amber

The third time was unexpected because TJ hadn’t even realised that Cyrus knew Amber, let alone was friends with her.

Amber and TJ had floated in and out of one another’s peripheries for most of their school careers - friendship circles overlapping and all that jazz. He didn’t know her well, but they’d talked a few times. She seemed cool, if a bit intense. He’d never thought of her as scary before. Well, not until now.

“So you’re dating Cyrus,” she said, sitting down across from him as he waited for Cyrus at The Spoon. They had a full day of stuff planned starting with Baby Taters and ending with the movies. He’d been looking forward to it all week.

“Uh…” Was all he could say in response, but that didn’t seem to matter. 

“I don’t really get why,” Amber continued on like a steamroller. “‘Cause he’s a giant dork and everyone knows you’re like… kind of a dick. Completely opposite ends of the spectrum, but even though he’s a dork, he’s really cool. And he was nice to me even though I was kind of a dick too, and he had no reason to be. So if you’re mean to him I will kick you in the balls so hard you have to get surgery. Okay?”

TJ just nodded, still trying to process what was happening.

“Awesome,” Amber said brightly, standing up with a smile as if she hadn’t just threatened him with physical violence. “So can I get you anything to eat?”

“...Baby Taters?”

She tapped her notepad. “Coming right up.”

How many times was this going to happen? Surely there weren’t any friends left to threaten him, he thought to himself. But then the little bell over the door tinkled and Cyrus walked in, and TJ forgot about everything other than his smile.

Marty

It was going to happen at least four times, apparently. TJ was getting sort of tired of the shovel talk now. It had been funny at first, but it was getting old. 

“Look, I get it, okay?” He huffed despairingly at Marty. “I’m not good enough for him, you’ll beat me up if I hurt him, yadda yadda yadda.”

They were in the middle of a pickup game of basketball in the park -- he’d been pleasantly surprised when Marty invited him along. They hadn’t spoken often, and usually when they did it was in a group of other people, but when they’d been at the movies last week Marty had brought up that they needed another player and asked TJ to join without even missing a beat. It had given him a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest (not that he’d admit that to anybody out loud), and Cyrus had smiled so brightly about it that TJ was sure he hadn’t known Marty was going to ask either.

“No dude, that’s not what I was gonna say,” Marty laughed as he stole the ball back from TJ. “I don’t think you’re not good enough for him. Jonah told us how you apologised to him and stuff, and you guys are always together. You obviously really like each other. He talks about you like all the time.”

Oh. Well, that was sort of nice he guessed. At least someone didn’t think he was a terrible choice of boyfriend for Cyrus. 

“I was just gonna say be nice to him, okay? ‘Cause I think Buffy might break your face if you don’t, and it would suck to be down a player again.”

TJ snorted. “Yeah, okay.”

Marty grinned. “Sick. Hey, you wanna get milkshakes after this?”

And if that was the conversation that kicked off a life-long friendship between the two of them? Well, that was nobody’s business but their own. 

The Basketball Team

The terrifying thing about jocks, Cyrus thought, was that they travelled in packs. It didn’t seem to matter where you went in the world, if there was one athlete lurking about, then ten more were sure to follow. It was intimidating. Especially when they decided to focus their full scrutiny on you. They had a habit of surrounding you when you least expected it.

This is what happened about a month into the new school year. It had been going alright so far. Better, at least, than Cyrus had thought the first few weeks of freshman year was going to go. It was nerve racking; it didn’t matter that he was one of them now, high schoolers would always be terrifying. Considering this, he felt justified in saying it was only natural that he’d drop his books and let out a little shriek after turning around from his locker to find half of the basketball team around him. 

“I don’t have any money!” He said, shielding his face. It was all very cliche.

One of the boys laughed, but it was not a cruel laugh.

“Relax bro, we’re not trying to mug you. We just wanted a chat.”

Slowly, Cyrus lowered his arms. The guy seemed genuine, in fact Cyrus even recognised him. He wasn’t sure of his name, but he’d seen him hanging around the hallways with TJ some mornings before class. He might’ve even said hi to him at some point, who knew?

“Um, okay?”

“TJ says you guys are together.”

Oh God.

“Yes?”

“Cool. We just wanted to say we’ve got your back, just so you know. If anybody gives you any trouble you should let us know and we’ll handle it.”

The boys nodded collectively. Cyrus wasn’t sure what to do with himself.

“That said,” The boy continued, leaning in dangerously. “If you hurt TJ we will fuck you up. Got it?”

“Got it,” Cyrus said weakly. 

The boy leaned back again and beamed, then bent down and picked up Cyrus’ textbook for him and handed it back with a jolly pat to his shoulder. “Cool. We’re gonna go get some food at The Spoon after class. You wanna come?”

Together

When Cyrus told TJ about it later, TJ laughed so hard he got a stitch. When he’d finally recovered and sat up, he tangled their fingers together and leaned in to give Cyrus a soft kiss on the forehead. 

“I’m really happy when I’m with you,” he said.

Cyrus leaned his head back on his shoulder and smiled a blissful smile. “Me too.”

And just like that, they knew they would never hurt one another.