#like every other game I can have a healthy work life balance with

[crystallilytarot]

What kind of parents will you and your future spouse be. Choose a dollhouse item.

Pile 1 - headphones

It feels like your partner will be the one who will spoil the kids more. They seems to be a nurturing type, like to provide everything. Like to go to trips as a family. A lot of playing, sports too. Talking about everything. They seems a bit more confident, I think you will be worried sometimes. It's just a parental instict, not because there's something wrong, don't worry. Maybe you are an overthinker sometimes. But overall, you seems balanced too. The kid/kids will be more like you in behaviour, but more like their other parent in their looks. Maybe you will fight sometimes, because it seems they like to question things, but actually they seems to have quite similar interests and beliefs as you have. It's nothing bad, just like any other child, and I think it will happen when they are teenagers. They will be confident and stand up for themself, even have good communication skills, so it's a good thing in the end. Overall it seems a harmonious relationship. I feel there are 2 children here, but take what's resonates, can be one child.

Pile 2 - candelabra

I think your partner will travel a lot because of work, so you will be the leader when they aren't home. So maybe you will need to be a little more strict at those times. But your partner seems like they have values and rules too. Not like you will be too strict, it feels like a healthy relationship. Maybe your partner will buy a little too much gift sometimes because they can't be at home always. They are the type who will spend a lot to give the child a memorable birthday party. They are proud of their children and very supportive too. In your home every celebration and holiday are very memorable, you will make a lot of pictures. This family seems rich, you will have a comfortable life, but your child is still ambitious, likes to have a challenge. Probably will go to some competition and has some award too. It feels like maybe you will be scared a little in the beginning, because it will be a big change in your life, but after that you will be very good at parenting. You will make your house a real home. You will also be very proud of your child. And you will be a great team, not just you and your partner, but your child too, great teamwork. For some of you, there are 2 children, but I think it's more like one child, or maybe a bigger age difference between the 2 of them.

Pile 3 - camera

You are more likely a little bit conservative parents. But having some rules is actually a good thing, I think it will help your child to be more independent in the future. You seems to be a stable, nurturing, responsible type, and your children will learn this from you. Your children will be good at concentrating at school, consistent, they are able to focus on their work. They will be very smart and talented. I think your partner will be a little more worried, maybe they need some time to feel confident enough. Especially when the children are very young, they will be worried about them. But after a little time, they will be better, and they will be actually very protective over the children. I think it's like when a parent play chess with their kid, because your kid will be smart and your partner seems also smart and they are a little bit more rational and logical type. They will talk a lot about everything, especially when it comes to science and whatever the child learned in the school. Playing some scientific games, scrubble and stuff. Maybe it doesn't seems so emotional, but it will be cute. I think you are more the leader here with the children. Your partner will take care of everything practical, but you are more likely to do the nurturing things. You both will believe in your child, and that's why they will be able to believe in themself always. Your partner will be nurturing too, don't worry. I think for some of you, there will be 2 children, but can be 1 or maybe even 3. I feel it's different, maybe a lot of you will choose this pile.

[buff-muffin]

Been thinking about Koala and cooked up some headcanons

She still has some long lasting trauma from her time with the celestial dragons and habits that are hard to break, one of them being the need to work. She finds a sort of comfort in working, she will be helpful if she’s working, she won’t get in trouble if she’s work, She won’t get HIT. Even knowing the revs would never hit her it’s a habit she can’t help but have. However the work life balance of the army where there were times she’s on and off the clock really helped her find at least a healthy balance with this habit even if it took some time to stop working in her free time.

Outside this habit she found it hard to figure out what freedom is for her, she found it hard to play with the other children of the army finding it difficult to connect or find enjoyment in games. The only person who taught her freedom. Was Sabo. Sabo as a child was SHAMELESSLY himself. Breaking rules mocking staff and testing every boundary there was. And while the two were paired up so koala would keep him in line. He taught her how to step out of it and took the blame every time. Sabo taught her the thrill of breaking rules and how to express herself. And in turn koala helped him figure out where the line of too far stands since Sabo with no memories had no real point of reference.

Koala is also one of the most patient when it comes to new staff. When she sees people doing tasks like cleaning the grounds, if she sees a mistake she will step in and as kindly as she can, correct it and even help. Because she never wants anyone to feel like their life is in danger for messing something up like she had felt.

When it comes to how exactly Koala joined the army, I’m not sure if we have answers but I have an idea. Her home was a little in the middle of nowhere and I could see it being sieged by a higher power. And when everything hit the fan, unlike her family, koala stepped into action having been in a similar situation with Fisher Tiger's liberation of the slaves years ago. Maybe she saved her parents by taking them to a safe place. Maybe she saved fifty people, whatever it was she stepped into actioned and proved herself as someone wanting to fight enough to get the attention of the revs. When offered a chance to fight and make a difference she accepted, wanting to find a way to help he fishmen who had helped her years ago. She doesn't like showing of the sun mark on her back. not so much because of disgust but the symbol of the sun had become unanimous with the sun pirates and fishmen and she did not not want to skew the meaning of that symbol to something having to do with the Revs. But she did in fact grow to be very proud of it. She's been keeping up with the news about the fishmen pirates for years. Jimbe becoming a warlord, Arlong taking over and being defeated in the east. Really she keeps up with a lot of fishman news and wishes she should meet the princess.

[sssarrrra]

Dying to stay alive. Why does Fyodor Dostoevsky enjoy being killed on purpose? Bsd analysis

Why Dostoevsky looks so young despite living for centuries? I think it's because he often gets killed. He literally has no time to age.

His skin care routine is being murdered every year or so. Maybe, even more often.

Fyodor CAN age, he isn't immune to it. He isn't immortal. He's ability isn't about eternal youth. He can get gray hair and wrinkles. But he doesn't. Dostoevsky looks almost identical to how he's been when he's met Bram centuries ago (minus a scar and an outfit). So why is it?

Let's assume that the physical "age" Fyodor naturally gains can be transferred to the new body he enters. And the only things that get "erased" are traces of harm left by someone else (bruises, cuts, scars, etc.)

Let's pretend that we know Fyodor's "biological" age. And it's 20. (That's just an assumption for this example!)

It would go like this: Fyodor's biologically 20. He lives until his 22, than gets killed. His "new" body will have the age of 22. Then he lives until he's 26 and dies unnaturally. He's biological age in the new body is gonna be 26.

And so on and so on. It means both his appearance and physic will gradually change. But we see NONE OF THAT. Present Fyodor is almost a twin copy of Fyodor from the past.

It means that Dostoevsky has never lived longer than a couple of years max without dying and respawning into a new body. He probably dies quit often and can't even get old enough because he simply doesn't have time.

Maybe, he has some mark on his calendar: "Need to die every year to keep my body young and relative healthy". And it's a strategy and nothing else. But I feel like there is more to that.

Dostoevsky probably enjoys the thrill of death (or near death) experience for various reasons.

People sometimes describe Dazai as a "suicide-addict", but THIS is a new level of it. These two share a hobby of trying to die often. But Dostoevsky not just tries. He dies. Fyodor's way of getting a rid of his stress is being brutally murdered by someone else. I wounder, if Dazai knew it how it would make him feel? To find out that Fyodor is drawn to death in the same way that he is? We'll find out eventually.

Dostoevsky meticulously got himself killed probably more than 300+ times or so. And, yes, sometimes it was work related incidents due to his plans. But he didn't HAVE to die so often, did he?

It honestly seems, that for Fyodor "dying" is just an extracurricular activity he does to pass the time. Some ppl go their friend's house to play video games. And Fyodor goes to someone's place -> dies there.

Maybe, Dostoy tries to connect with people by "dying" by their hands? When he transfers his mind into a new body, it makes him feel less lonely, somehow?

For example, Fyodor didn't have to break into Bram's castle and chat him up about demons. He didn't have to put his life on a line just to see how Bram would react to his musings about world-politics. He knew he would die, obviously. But he went anyway. Just to "catch a glimpse" of Bram (in his own words). And then, of course to get murdered. Did he hope that Bram would be the one to deliver a final blow? Did Fyodor secretly want to "posses" Bram's body from that long, long time ago?

You know how ppl joked about Fyodor's hobby being captured on purpose? Add "dying" to this list, asap.

He's reasons for overusing his ability to "reincarnate" are probably complicated.

A part of it is a need to escape/ease his guilt. Dostoy wants to feel like a martyr that has a right to commit sin. Maybe, it's his own self-punishment, a form of self-harm. He believes these short or long moments of agony "erase" the harm he does to others or, at least, balance it out.

On the other hand, Fyodor is still a human who wants to belong. But he spent decades in paranoia and isolation that affected him immensely. So now the only "true" connection Dostoevsky can create with someone is when he inserts his consciousness into their body. The flow of new feelings/goals keeps him distracted from himself and his bleak view of the reality. So he does it over and over.

Or is it just a boredom thing? Like living is such a drug he can't help but try to die?

Dostoy is too afraid/guilty to go to heaven right away so he passes time by adding bits of different personalities to himself. He has this semi-free subscription to people's agendas, he only has to die to access them. It keeps him entertained. Like a Netflix but he has to die to watch a "movie" from someone's POV, with their goals/emotions intact still.

Dostoy wants to pick up a new passion/hobby? No problem. He just needs to find someone who likes that particular interest, and than get murdered by that person. Then Fyodor can gain their insights into the topic (possibly).

I wish I could see the way Dostoevsky envisions humanity. It seems like he's both enmeshed with it to the point of losing himself and at the same time he's discarded by humanity and isolated from it.

It's such a mixed-up experience. No wounder Fyodor's mind is so… Bizarre.

[stari-hun]

After TWS and retrieving the ugly squid when everyone’s all together again and the world is back in one piece. I feel like YJH would get chubby, hear me out bros fully a gamer besides literally being forced into an apocalypse and getting the body builder physique because he’s likely always slightly dehydrated and hungry with how much he’s burning off. So once everything calms down yeah he’s still very healthy cause he probably knows from beforehand how having too much weight can be a burden on daily life but I definitely think he would put on some chub. If only because his body would be so used to burning at extreme rates that he gets super hungry after the apocalypse. Like that learning curve year or even up to 3 after, the entirely of KimCo would have a hard to adjusting to how their bodies are doing out of fight or flight mode.

YJH would just take a pretty big hit from adjusting to being human again and not a fighter. Something something long explaination on society but Yoo Sangah and Jung Heewon would have an easier time adjusting, but Han Sooyoung wouldn’t give a shit. She’d let her body absolutely fail and crash until she gets put into the same group as the kids with supervised meal plans and fitness routines that’ll ease their body from full survival mode back into leisure exercise. I’m talking HSY would absolutely forget to drink water one day after a nap, everyone’s bodies would be used to retaining water and food on nothing, to where she eventually passed out in the YSH’s kitchen and nearly killed her and JHW via heart attack. YJH is also in that boat with her but not quite as bad, he’d just be flipping around from too much to neglecting his body until he found proper balance by joining everyone’s Apocalypse Recovery Routine (named by Lee Hyunsung). YJH took over cooking and meal prepping because he was already making Yoo Mia’s stuff and claimed it wouldn’t be any more effort. Lee Hyunsung is also one of the only people who easily rebalanced their body to daily life again.

1863 YJH looks like an absolute tank. He still has the same amount of muscle mass he’s just getting in a proper diet now and balancing everything out. He’d be so paranoid afterwards that he’d never let himself not be in top fighting and survival shape at all times, he gets a recruitment once a month for basically every type of sport. Besides keeping his muscle tone up I feel like he’d go for the most mundane job possible afterwards and be an office worker (and totally not for any other reason), but he’d still game on his off days while his preferences changed to comfy games, anything without fighting and survival. If he does however he always gets hyper fixates until he’s strong enough to clear everything, I’m talking exp farm and grinding til he can beat the enderdragon in one hit. He’d also be super popular online though not by his own volition. People will be people and he’d find himself online from pictures of him in public or at the gym posted by others, every work out one gets reported to staff immediately.

[marshmallowprotection]

what do you think saeran’s toxic traits would be in a relationship? like do you think he’d treat his gf well? (ge saeran)

GE Saeran may not be the perfect partner, but to be honest, I don't think we can quantify anyone as a "perfect partner".

Relationships are about working, learning, and growing together. Sometimes you'll say something really dumb or misunderstand your partner without meaning to, and sometimes you'll do something like peel an orange for your lover without needing to be asked because you love helping them!

It's very normal to have a relationship that flows like a river, seeming fast and slow at times, moving through rocks, fish, and sticks, too.

Now, don't let that make you think it's healthy to argument with your partner all the time. Disagreements are healthy in a relationship but not full-blown arguments and spats. You're two different people, even if you love each other, you will run into a wall sometimes, and you get moments where you learn how to concede, compromise, and adapt if and when it comes to that. There's a balance, you're looking for some kind of harmony in your partnership, but it won't always be perfect.

It isn't healthy to assume it's sunshine and roses every day, just like it isn't healthy to assume it's doom and gloom every second. It's about two or more people coming together to make it work, and as long as you have that, as long as you have communication, your relationship will thank you for it. The cornerstone of a relationship hinges on your ability to communicate your needs. If you fall to meet that, it will end up crumbling in some way, shape, or form.

So, what do I think would be unhealthy for Saeran? Well, let's blow this one out of the bag already since this seems to be a problem for many people who talk about Saeran and MC. Did you guys know in the game, V/Rika and Saeran/MC are written to to be foils? Most of all, especially in the case of Ray Route and the RAE. There's a line in which we need to draw when it comes to unhealthy attachment and dependency.

V and Rika? Codependent. They have a hard time functioning without the other even if they're both well-aware they're horrible for the other by the end. Rika feels like she needs V around no matter how much she screams in agony that she hates him because he is her Savior, her God, and her light. V feels like he needs to keep protecting Rika, in part because he doesn't want to hurt someone like he thinks he did to his mother, but because he promised her he would.

Saeran and MC? NOT CODEPENDENT. Saeran and MC work side by side, communicate, and make decisions based on what feels right to them. Saeran's actions don't hinge upon MC telling him what to do in the moment. He asks them for input but he isn't bound by it. MC isn't demanding Saeran do what they want. They tell him to think about all the options he has, and he considers what he wants before they talk it out, discussing pros and cons for everything.

The game lays this out very plainly but some people miss the point in the fact that these dynamics are meant to foil one another and show two sides of the situation and where a dynamic can be healthy and... well, where it goes wrong. Saeran and MC don't need each other to be able to function in life, but V and Rika... they have a hard time with that.

Codependency vs Interdependency.

So, with that being said, what do I think Saeran might deal with in a relationship that's not healthy, but could be worked on?

I think GE Saeran's core struggle will be trying to find a sense of individuality.

But, this is something he's already talked about in the game, and it's something he's willing to work on every day for the rest of his life. It isn't surprising to know that he values the comfort of those around him more than he values himself, but he's learning how to accept that his needs and wants matter just as much. So it's not as if this is going to be something that's happening for a long time since he's already well aware of it, but it's good to point out that it's not only something that he needs to be aware of, but you do, as well. You don't want him to focus on just what you want in life, after all.

I have a hard time imagining him struggling with most things that many people do in relationships just because he's so dedicated to working on himself and being aware of the problems that may spring up within him—it makes it hard to say something that could be toxic. His willingness to be better and to communicate squashes so many traits that can make somebody do something toxic, willfully or not.

Since communication is a cornerstone of any relationship, if there were any problems, he would work on them, and that reduces a lot of the expected "toxic" traits you see. It's so hard for me to say, "Well, he may do this or that," when I know the minute you said something, he would be researching and learning how to curb a bad behavior. He's not trying to be willfully cruel, after all!

Saeran's not perfect, is my point, but if there were any problems, he would work on them.

[tarot-by-e11e]

hello! how are you? I wish to participate in your tarot game. my initials are MG + my nickname is Bri (cus of my username ofc). my emoji is 🐦‍🔥

my self help tip would be to learn to stand your ground—allowing people to walk all over you will only worsen your mental state. once you’ve learned to identify your needs, and once you’ve learned to understand your emotional reactions to situations, life will become so much easier. adopting an “idgaf” mentality especially in scenarios where people will be overtly judgemental toward you goes a long way. just don’t overdue it, though, because it can easily make one become too self centered. this advice is more-so learning how to set proper boundaries that will work for you while also respecting other people’s boundaries and at the least, understanding where the other party is coming from. in my case, I do like to help my coworkers and building good rapport with them, but I also grew to not care what other people thought of me—I do my job effectively while also not overdoing it, either. when I first began, since it was my first job, I didn’t know what my boundaries were, so I was taken advantage of a lot. it took me a few years to establish boundaries. though, there was a time I was TOO stubborn about them, so I initially came across as resistant and selfish. nowadays, I’ve learned from that, too, so I believe I am at a good balance. all in all, I feel my mental state has improved compared to when I first began as a naive employee. I have a coworker who has never learned to set proper boundaries, and they are always miserable. they complain a lot about the workplace and all they do for them, yet they still say yes to every single request. I do sympathize, yet this person is an example of lacking self awareness and not vocalizing their feelings (difficulty saying “no,” for example). so, yes, please learn to stand up for yourself. it’s not too late to do so. and once you do, who cares what others think—they’re only upset because you are no longer available to service their every whims. I hope this advice helps those who need to hear this ❤️

Hi MG/Bri,

Thank you so much for patiently waiting for your turn in my game.

The card pulled for “What do you need to learn to love about yourself” is: The Stone (LXVII)

The practical approach to learning to love yourself is: Devil

It was an absolute pleasure to read through your entire ask because yessss for context and healthy boundaries! I love how thorough you were in explaining why it is important which makes so much sense why the Stone card showed up in your reading. You’ve mentioned the IDGAF attitude which is definitely giving me Stone vibes. To be firm in your healthy boundaries, like a Stone, you persevere through life, unyielding to the toxic societal norms that were instilled to make the world conform in a blind sheep mentality. This IDGAF attitude of yourself is something you need to learn to love and appreciate more often! It seems rather odd at first, like how can you learn to love having an IDGAF attitude, but then you reiterated the importance of healthy boundaries, so this is your reason why this side of you should be appreciated more!

How you can show love to your IDGAF attitude is not caving into that whole hive community mindset. It’s like if your community is pressuring you to get married at a certain age and you don’t feel that you have any reliable suitors to create a lasting happy family with, say NO. Basically, your practical tip on how to honor your IDGAF attitude is to literally reinforce it with healthy boundaries. Just don’t cave into peer pressure if you don’t feel like it, then you’re all set.

This concludes your reading.

Do let me know how this resonates with you.

(This reading is for entertainment purposes only.)

[duckieberry]

Genshin 'Littles are known' Classification AU (Part 1 - basic info)

*warning long post*

---

So here is a quick rundown on what this is for those who are unfamiliar with what this kind of Au is. A’ littles are known’ classification AU, is a type of alternate universe in which individuals take a test or examination of some sort which figures out the type of headspace/behaviours the person being tested will develop and display throughout their life, in other words their classification. 

There are many different versions of classification AU’s that focus on different dynamics. This version is specifically based around and is for age regressors.

—-

Disclaimer before we start- 

This Au explanation will be split into parts. Part one will be this overview of the base concept, part two will be information about the nation's treatment of littles as well as information about the Fatui’s treatment of littles. Both parts will have links to one another but it will take a moment for me to get them stuck together like that upon initially posting them.

I made my best effort to keep the classifications of all the characters open to interpretation but some were specified for various reasons that I will try to explain in a concise manner.

You may see some things that are inaccurate to the games canon either because I changed it to work with the AU better or it’s because I didn’t remember things correctly. I’m only human after all and there will be mistakes.

Please remember that this is my take on this kind of AU and it may not line up with other iterations of the same concept that you may have read.

Without further delay, here is my genshin ‘littles are known’ classification AU!

—-

Overview-

This section goes over the basic information about the Au and how things work on a general scale

Testing:

Depending on the nation the tests go a little differently and their accuracy fluctuates. Most of the nations use naturally occurring objects that have special reactions to the hormones in the systems of Regressors and Caregivers. Best way for these tests to work is through blood samples.

Every person from every nation gets tested at 16 years old, the actual behaviours/habits won’t start to show up until at least 18 which is when it starts to manifest. It takes about a year for the behaviours/habits of a classification to form completely.

Classification information:

Littles/Regressors - those who regress into a childlike mindset with mental ages ranging from a few months old to 14 depending on the individual.

 A healthy Regressor will typically regress 1-3 times per week. They can be in headspace for as little as a few hours to as long as a few days depending on their age range. The younger a Regressor is the longer they tend to stay regressed for at a given time. 

Caregivers - those who care for Littles and help keep them safe like a parent or guardian. They exhibit above average strength which allows them to carry Regressors with ease.

Flips - those who don’t fall perfectly into Little or Caregiver but instead swap between the two. People with these split classifications are rather uncommon. Flips need to work to find a balance between regressing and caretaking to stay healthy. Most Flips lean more towards one side of their dual class than the other which can make balancing their classification more difficult.

Neutral - those who are neutral don’t fall into any of the above classifications and experience no changes in behaviour.

Risks:

Like all things related to our bodies and minds, there are health risks. If someone does not maintain their classification properly then there are significant drawbacks

Littles/Regressors who refrain from regressing for too long begin to develop a condition known as regression sickness. It starts out like the common cold but progressively gets more severe the longer the Regressor refuses their headspace. Symptoms like dizziness, nausea, mood swings, intensified emotions, lethargy and weakness may occur as the sickness progresses.

The only way to recover from regression sickness is to regress. Littles/Regressors who are affected by the condition will inevitably drop into their headspace. Upon doing so they will be unable to surface from their headspace until they have fully recovered which can take upwards of a week depending on the extent of the headspace repression.

Caregivers who do not have a Little are far more likely to develop mental health issues. Most Caregivers are recommended to buy a plant or a pet to look after to help mitigate the chances of such a thing happening.

Flips have the task of learning to balance their dual classification. Failure to find a semblance of balance can result in more minor forms of the above conditions 

Headspace management:

It’s not uncommon for Regressors to regress spontaneously. These sudden regressions can be at very inconvenient times or put the Little in danger. Most of the nations either make their own or import medications to sell to the citizens to help them manage their headspace and allow them to be functioning members of society without putting themselves in danger.

 Headspace suppressant medication can also reduce the symptoms of regression sickness but it won’t cure the condition and in fact makes it worse. Doctors will tell Littles to stop taking headspace management pills if they’re showing symptoms of regression sickness.

Archons and non-human individuals:

The archons and other non-humans do not fall into the classifications (the outliers to this rule being individuals with animal features like Tighnari, Gorou, Lynette, etc).

-Archons are not any one class but in fact are all of them at once. They get to pick and choose when they exhibit/experience the effects of a classification.

-The Adepti are affected by classifications but they experience it differently (half Adepti like Ganyu and Yanfei are exceptions to this). They have more control over when it affects them and have no need for headspace suppressant medications. (Adepti do share similar biology to humans as proven by half Adepti being possible)

-Yokai (like Yae Miko, Itto, Kujou Sara, and Kirara) don’t have classifications at all and are considered neutrals (Yokai are technically spirits and do not share the same biology as humans despite looking like them). Certain Yokai that live amongst humans may act as Caregivers despite not having an actual classification.

-The Melusine do not have classifications but they are all considered Caregivers under Fontaine law.

Other non-human individuals like Neuvillette, The Wanderer and The Raiden Shogun, are a more case by case basis when it comes to classifications.

-Neuvillette experiences classifications just like the archons do.

-The Raiden Shogun cannot have a classification since she is a puppet.

-The Wanderer is a Little in spite of his nature as a puppet. (it lends itself well to the reasons why he was discarded by Ei)

—-

Link to part 2 -> Here!

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Family of Heroes 🪪 | Everett Ross Heacanon

Link to my Marvel masterlist

Requested 📨 yes/no (rules for requests)

Having a family with Everett Ross would look like:

So if you’re an avenger/shield agent and fall in love with the silver fox that is Agent Everett Ross then there is no hiding the world of heroes from your children. After getting married/being partners for a long time you both eventually have/adopt a couple of kids and raise them in the New York/Quantico area.

Considering they grew up with parents who were federal agents, they were likely drawn to the field of criminology, intelligence, security, etc. Or possibly were talented when it came to mechanics, math, physics. Either which way you’re kids were top of their classes and managed to attend some of the most prestigious schools in the county. MIT, NYU, Cornell would be knocking on y’all’s door with scholarships and grants just to have your kids attend.

If you’re living in New York then they’d attend Midtown with Peter, MJ, and Ned. Of course with Peter being Spider-Man and knowing you, there’s a chance your kids knew his secret before the others. Hell, wouldn’t be surprised if Peter may have fanboyed when he learned that you were the parent of his friends. “That’s so cool your parents are agents—and one is an avenger!” “Only thing that sucks about it is I can never hide anything. Bad grades, relationships, sneaking out at night. They’ll always know.”

I can see you having a daughter who was like Everett with passions for intelligence. She’d come to his office just to watch him work and get a feel of what it was like to be an agent. When it came to intuition she was a natural at catching when something was suspicious. She was also great at analyzing—whether it be data, a crime scene, or body language.

Your son would have interests similar to you—wanting to be in the field or creating inventions that gave him abilities. He was very hands on, loved working on cars or building things from scratch. Don’t be surprised if he noted Bruce Banner or Tony Stark as his idols.

If your kids were into sports you’d go to every game. If they loved the arts you went to every performance, gallery, recital. Sometimes you’d be running late because of work, but you always made it up to them by taking them out to dinner or ice cream to get that quality time in. It was hard being a superhero and raising children, but with Ev by your side you both were able to put a healthy balance on things.

Early on your children were taught self-defense. Boxing, marital arts, how to disarm someone, and everything in between that would help them kick someone’s ass if they were attacked. Being that you and Everett’s jobs come with enemies there is always that risk they would target your kids. “You must be quick and sharp—anything less will give them the advantage.” “You know,” *catches breath* “This is really some parent-child bonding you got going on.” “Quality time, training, and life lessons all wrapped into one. Ain’t that something.”

When the topic of your kids joining the Young Avengers arose, you both were very hesitant. They were in college or about to graduate and your daughter had even applied for the CIA with your son building a prototype suit. It got the attention of a lot of people and you were already dealing with the stress of the Thunderbolts forming. “They are kids, Everett! They cannot handle the things we see—at least not yet!” “Believe me, honey, I agree with you. But they are technically adults and it’s not like they’ll be alone. They want us, Sam, Strange, Carol and Okoye to supervise them.” It did little to ease your worry, but at least you’d have some say in the matters.

No longer were you and Ev just their parents, but also their bosses. You both had control along with the other Avengers over whether or not the Young Avengers would get involved in conflicts. First thing that took place of course was months of training and teaching the kids (even if they were adults you still looked at them as kids) what and what not to do in a situation. Last thing y’all wanted was another Accords scenario.

“C’mon send us out! We can help you guys!” “You know the deal—once you pass your field exams then you can do missions. Until then you’re grounded here.”

“If Hydra’s been behind it the whole time then does that mean you guys didn’t check to see that you got them all in 2015?” “Honey, please, do not remind me because I’ll only get angry—not at you but at the situation. I need to have a word with Fury on what the hell went wrong.”

While you may be strict with the Young Avengers, best believe if someone insulted, attacked, or patronizing toward them you’d go ape shit. Oh and if Secretary Ross were to try something….Let’s just say Everett once had to pull you back from doing something that would’ve had you arrested. “He doesn’t have the right to get involved in what they do—or threaten them with prison after they saved the world!” “And don’t give him the satisfaction of locking you up, Y/n. You know he’s waiting for us to step out of line.”

If there is one thing the government realized quick when you and Everett decided to expand the Ross’ legacy, is to never underestimate a family full of heroes.

[trubbishrubbish]

Happy Last Day of 2023. Here's a long overdue update over how I have been.

As you recall, Jabberwock Genocide Part 2 was uploaded 3 weeks ago. And the only thing I did this whole month of December after Part 2 was uploaded was that I went to Canada to climb a huge mountain and confront my other self because it’s cheaper than going to therapy.

Just kidding, I just worked on more Jabberwock Genocide, nothing else.

This is a positive as I have made so much forward progress in the animation and the upcoming part 3 that you guys won’t have to wait 9 months for more Genocide Jack fun time. However, there is a cost to just working on Jabberwock Genocide, one that I’m currently struggling to find a way to deal with.

Basically, all my free time, focus and thinking has been dedicated to Jabberwock Genocide, but other stuff I do and create I have left to the dust.

My output in making Genocide Jack posts has just stopped.

I keep neglecting to share updates to my Sho Shrine. I am still getting new stuff for it but I have not yet organized it and taken picture of it.

I have barely played any new games. The last game I have beaten that is new was Super Mario Bros Wonder. I loved that game, but I had a hard time sitting down to play it for long sessions as I wanted to work on Jabberwock Genocide.

And tragically, I have really neglected interacting with my online friends. This I feel the most guilty of as I have no excuse for it. I know there are friends I used to talk to a lot before that I have now stopped engaging with for a really long time. If you are one of those people I just to say that I am sorry for ghosting you. I still consider you a friend I don't want our friendship to slowly die out due to lack of communication on my end.

This is my struggle. I love making Jabberwock Genocide. It’s honestly the most enriching thing I am currently doing in my life. I’m creating a story with my favorite character, Genocide Jack. I’m developing my skill as a sprite animator. I’m constantly thinking about how to create a particular scene with the limited resources I have. I get a real kick of joy when I am creating a scene and suddenly an idea comes to mind that I love and I put it in the animation.

I feel so satisfied when the ideas I have for a scene that I see in my head are transmitted into actual animation on my editor. More often then not, what I make in the final product is better than what I imagine in my head. Every single line, every single detail, every single joke, it all feels so amazing to craft them into a video.

It’s crazy to think that just a few months ago, I was at a low point in the animation where all of my motivation was drained and I struggled to make progress for weeks. But now, I feel so freaking happy and elated just thinking about the animation. Heck, even doing really tedious tasks like making every single sprite jump a little is still enjoyable to me. I’ve been working on this project since August 2022. I never expected this to be what is now when I first started writing down ideas. But I am happy the project did turn into this, because I really, truly enjoy working on this.

But… That’s the problem. I enjoy working on Jabberwock Genocide so much that any other hobbies, I find less fun. I rewrote my brain to dedicate huge parts of it to think about Jabberwock Genocide. I’m fully being this attached to a project like this isn’t healthy. I should be consuming different media and doing other activities and talking to my friends. I know this but I find it difficult to summon the energy to do it.

I’m still trying to find a good balance between working on the project and doing other leisure activities that I enjoy doing. I’m going to make this a goal for 2024, it might take me a while to find that balance but I will try to. Hopefully when I do, I can slowly rekindle friendships that I have abandoned.

That’s what I wanted to say. Thank you for taking the time to read this. See you in 2024.

[lemonflowercat]

de-catastrophizing

breathe in, breathe out

body

i want to step back and accept: i am 88 kilos at this moment, i have fat rolls that i try to conceal. i do not fit into the conventional standards of beauty. BUT i'm blessed to have a strong and healthy body - it's a real privilege, and i am so grateful for it. and i'm beautiful! i have lots of clothes i feel pretty in - and feeling it myself, irrespective of what anyone else says, is precious.

also, my best friend ♡ T-T is my favourite person in the whole world

i do have some goals for my body - these are majorly rooted in vanity - and that's okay. it's Dora Milaje looking out for me, protecting me from years of being fat shamed by my mother and society. this is why losing weight makes me feel more confident - and that's okay. my weight loss goals are also rooted in nurturing it so it can do the best of all the magic it is capable of. i want to lose fat to

have a healthy metabolism,

balanced hormones,

and healthy skin and nails.

keep my joints healthy

reduce the risk of CVDs

i want to lift heavy, jump, run, climb, be flexible.

i am not my ideal self now - but i am on my journey to it. it feels like it'll never end, on some days it's the hardest thing i do, i fail more often than i'm comfortable with - and it's ok. this is my character arc - and what's a good character arc without some struggle? besides, life is bigger than calories in-calories out, of course it's a struggle.

things i can do to support myself through this struggle:

stay kind when things don't go as planned

make the tough choices easier to make

plan ahead

look deeper, understand more of what drives me and what breaks me

have a little talk with myself before jumping on the indulgence train: be mindful, check in with my emotions, negotiate alternatives that are better for me

show up every day - can't be my best self every day, but i can be more like my best self

academics

//tummy flip

my anxiety is inversely proportional to the no. of days left to the exam. this means, freezing through the day and panic attacks at night.

to support myself through this, i can

make space for things that calm me down: meditating, staying mindful through little activities like doing the dishes and cooking, walks, working out, sleeping well, avoiding parent-interaction

prioritise studying: this means letting other people know that i don't have time for some things, making conscious decisions about how i spend my time, showing up at my study table and sitting through the first 20m even when it seems impossible

set concrete goals, track progress, actively monitor emotions

eliminate distractions: when studying, focus only on that.

no scrolling during study breaks: breaks aren't to load up more information on the brain, but to step back and relax. like really relax - stretch, walk, drink water, snack, gaze out the window, pet my babies

consume less than 2 hours of media per day: like, seriously! i know how much of a game changer this is

tap into how much i enjoy studying

75 soft reval - to make it align with changing life season. i want to ease off the stress too, because the next 56 days are already super stressful for me. i'm going to cut down on the no. of goals i set out for myself.

body

[] yoga every morning x20m: outdoors if i'm up early

movement first thing in the morning is the goal here. to save on time, i'm going to do yoga (my walks end up taking an hour). morning sun, or even just watching the sun come up makes me feel really good, so i want to practice outdoors.

to make this choice easier, i'll keep my mat and water bottle ready to go by my door the previous night.

[] midday wxo

summer is here - the afternoons are unbearably hot and it's v hard to focus while i'm a sweltering mess. i want to capitalise on evening study hours, so i'm reserving 11 am to 3 pm for working out, chores and cooking. this is also why i'm cutting down yoga to 20m - to make more of the cooler mornings.

can switch up here, like maybe go for a walk in the morning and yoga in the evening.

[] 1400 kcal/day x6/week

sad to see my raw veg/fruit goal go - i put it in to make myself come up with more ways to consume them, and i think i've established a good enough menu to tap into for now. i'll incorporate these into my meals, and maybe bring this goal back later when i have the headspace for it.

mind

[] meditate once/d

[] study 6h/d x6d + 4h on break day = 40h/w

well, that's down to 5 goals from the 10 i was going for earlier! i have some ground rules like

prioritize getting 7h of sleep but if i do sleep late, wake up before 6.30 am irrespective of what i went to bed (sounds inhuman but this is honestly best for me: a day or 2 of less sleep can be made up for with afternoon naps and i really do function best when i wake up early)

have social time once/week

do not consume media for more than 2h per day: includes little things like not using my phone until i'm done with morning yoga, not scrolling in between study sessions and not using my phone to deal with a freeze mode T-T

goddd, if not for 75 days, i really hope to see this through for the 56 days to my exam at least. //stress surge// ok, i've got this. everything is ok, i am enough and i am capable of way more than my stressed out self feels rn. i'm not doing anything i don't want to - all of these things are exactly what i want for myself, and it's just my surface brain that's feeling so apprehensive and stressed. once i get into it, it's all going to be fine amazing because let's be honest ok: i love eating healthy and putting thought into my food, i love working out, i fkn love yoga and how good it makes my body feel, i love the deep stillness of meditation, and studying is that exact perfect blend of challenge+something i'm good at that gets me flowing.

lots of love to me teehee and every person out there life-ing ♡ ☆

[nerdygaymormon]

Carving out the life I want - Therapy session 11/7/2023

This past weekend I was spending time with a husband & wife who are friends of mine. She is a nutritionist who is employed by the county to work with people who have eating disorders. What an amazing skill set to have in a friend at this time in my life.

She shared with me that when we feel like we could use a warm hug, chewing soft foods can provide that sort of feeling, especially foods we associate with being cared for or with good times. Or when a person is feeling frustrated or stressed, they choose crunchy foods as crunching down with your jaw can deliver relief, almost like punching a wall when you're angry.

Suddenly I started recognizing how I use different foods. For example, I was at a friend's home and some of my other friends were meeting us there. I felt a lot of anxiety. Would they get along, I have different kinds of relationships with each of them so how can I mesh those together? Plus, they're gay, one attends the LDS church and the other doesn't, so for me it brings up the whole balancing being gay & Mormon, which is the source of a lot of my mental health issues. My nutritionist friend said this feeling of nervous energy is exactly why chomping on potato chips can feel satisfying afterwards.

I also realized there's some foods I only use for the chewing & spitting but not for binging. She said those are likely foods high in sugar, salt and fat, and the chewing of them combined with the mouth feel of them, activates the brain's pleasure centers, even if I'm not actually swallowing them.

Whether I'm feeling the urge to do disordered eating, or even if I'm engaged in that behavior, she suggested I take time to think about what I'm feeling and what situation(s) triggered these feelings.

—————————

I shared with my therapist that a week ago I ate so much food that I was in real discomfort, and as I lay in bed I had the thought that purging would relieve this feeling. I suddenly could see the appeal of bulimia. Trading in one eating disorder for another isn't healthy and isn't my goal but in the moment it seemed like a solution.

I have years of binge eating and also of chewing & spitting. I've been living with these eating disorders for so long that I don't have a good history of listening to and understanding my body and its needs & wants in regard to hunger and food. My drive to eat isn't based on what my body needs, but in response to emotions.

It's been a while since I did the kind of binging where I eat a lot of food very quickly and don't feel in control, and then the next day I can't remember having done that. I used to do that on a daily basis. I still overeat to the point of being uncomfortable, but it's spread over more time and doesn't feel as out of control, and I don't do it every day, so it is progress

—————————

I told the therapist how earlier this year I ran into a former friend of mine. It's been great to reconnect. He left the church, came out as gay, and got married. He has invited me into his friend group which gets together monthly to eat, drink, and play cards (many of them were raised LDS, so they don't know how to gamble, which means the card games the group plays are things like UNO and Crazy 8's 😆). One of the couples in that group has invited me to Thanksgiving dinner and I was very surprised at the invitation.

My therapist asked why I'm surprised? Do I think my friend included me into his friend group because he thought I was a dweeb and wouldn't get along? Of course not. You're an interesting person, it's not surprising they want to spend more time with you and get to know you better.

At that point I shared with the therapist about a conversation I had with a friend of mine where I wondered why my stake has kept me on as the stake executive secretary for so long? They probably should've released me in 2017 when I was suicidal and started therapy, but instead they rearranged presidency meetings to accommodate my sessions. They probably should have released me when I was hospitalized with pulmonary embolisms and home bound for about a year. Instead of releasing me, they setup a screen in their meetings so I could continue to participate. Are they exploiting me?

My friend said it's likely that they love me, they like having me close, keeping me on during those times let them keep an eye on me, I help them see perspectives that help them better understand, and they can see I make an impact in the stake and beyond.

This past Sunday at church it was joked about how I've served so long that this is now the 4th stake clerk I've served with. Then the first counselor in the stake presidency said there's no plans to replace me, that's not a conversation they've been having. That I bring so much to the calling beyond making appointments that I make a unique impact. It felt great to have that confirmation.

My therapist said if they have the power to replace me and they haven't, it means they appreciate me and like having me be part of their team.

"Why do you insist on believing that others wouldn't want to have you around?"

—————————

We ended with my therapist saying that he sees me carving out the life I want from the life I currently have. Tackling eating disorders, joining new friend groups, and other examples, are ways of me saying I want a different kind of life and then working towards it.

[sissytobitch10seconds]

One Hell of a Beginning

Fandom: Umbrella Academy Summary: Viktor has to go on a grand quest to tell a man he's had a crush on since his Freshman year of college that he got pregnant after they spent one night together at a party while slightly tipsy. Warnings: Pregnancy, mentions of abortion, trans male pregnancy, and anxiety attacks Word Count: 6,737 Ship(s): Five Hargreeves/Viktor Hargreeves

Archive link!

A/N: So a couple people wanted to see the way that Five reacted to the baby from the first part of this series, so I wrote it! It's very unlikely that I'm going to write anything else in this series because I feel like it'd be the same thing as what I wrote in a couple other fics but with different things going on in the background. I hope that you guys can enjoy this! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Allison was going to get suspicious the longer that they had to dance around her, Viktor knew that.

Despite that knowledge and him being an overall smart person in general, he kept moving the goalpost to try and avoid completing the plan that he and Klaus had come up with. The note stared him in the face from the homescreen of his phone, constantly reminding him of what he had to do every time he opened up one of his relax-time games or tried to flick through social media between classes.

Classes were almost finished, most professors having already given their finals and graduation nearing. Viktor had finished enough of his work that he had basically nothing to do other than catch up on sleep.

He had wondered over the past couple of weeks how much harder it would have been to keep his secret from his roommate if he didn’t have the excuse of being a college student. He knew that a lot of their hallmates had the same kind of attitude as he did, so he was able to skate under the radar. Sleeping all the time could be blamed on him catching up on the sleep that he had missed while he was studying for finals. Mood swings could be passed off on the anxiety and stress that came with graduating and having to move out into the real world. The vomiting was harder to explain since Viktor made a rule of not drinking more than a single mixed drink even when in his own dorms, but even then he could just wave it off saying that his body was unhappy with their new final-induced diet. Finals were a good excuse for cravings as well since he could say that it was a good way to get his body’s daily nutrients quickly or some other poorly worded excuse.

The only problem was that Allison was smart and had been living with Viktor for four years. She was getting suspicious and he could tell by the way that she continued to try and pry into him whenever he gave her one of those excuses. He usually tried to make sure that he ate three square meals a day even if that happened to be while walking to his next class or around a book about music theory. She knew that he slept for at least five hours a night and supplemented the missed sleep with coffee during finals. She knew that he made sure to eat a balance of junk and healthy foods, something that had been drilled into him by his parents.

The last straw was going to be a combination of the appointment Klaus had just picked him up for and him going to church last Sunday. He usually only went to church when his parents were in town and they weren’t going to be showing up until graduation in two weeks. He had gone because he had felt like it was important to try and access the spirituality that his parents had always promised was there, but he had never felt. It was the same, despite the little life that he was carrying inside of him. He was considering taking Jayme up on their offer to attend the full moon rituals she was holding with her coven just to see if that would help either.

Something about learning that he was pregnant had completely changed how he had looked at the world. The decision to go through with the pregnancy and keep the baby had been another step towards that change, but not as much as the test coming back positive. A part of him deep inside must have known that would be the answer he was going to give when he got the result before even he did. It felt more final than any other decision in his life had. He knew that he would have been able to back out of college if he needed to, or move out of the dorm that he shared with a stranger at the time. There was always something to fall back on or a way to get out of that decision, but not with this one.

Viktor was standing in front of the door to his own apartment, frozen with fear. He knew that what he was going to do next didn’t even involve having to talk about his little secret. The only thing that he had to do was ask for something, he didn’t have to explain it if he didn’t want to. Even after prompting.

Those were Klaus’ words, Viktor would never be brave enough to refuse to give information to Allison when she looked at him with that unsure expression. He always wanted to reassure her that he was okay and validate every decision that he made that she didn’t approve of. She had that kind of motherly tendency about her despite her penchent of making bad decisions herself. The voice mails from her ex-boyfriend from Freshman year were proof enough of that.

“You can do this,” he muttered to himself as he grasped the handle to the door and then walked in. 

Allison was sitting on the couch with Raymond, he current boyfriend and an English major. They had a couple of books on the coffee table that they were purposefully ignoring despite the fact that Viktor knew their finals weren’t quite over yet.

“Hey, you’re home,” Allison smiled as she turned to look back at her roommate.

“That I am,” he replied as he closed the door behind him. He was trying to look casual as he shed his jacket and then dumped it on the little counter that they had in their makeshift kitchen. Their dorm was better than a lot of the other ones offered by the university, but it was still shit. He was glad he was going to be graduating and moving into a new apartment before the baby came.

Even just thinking about the fact that in a few months time he was going to have a whole child relying on him for their every need sent a shiver of anxiety up his spine. He always wished that he had kept the jacket on while traversing through his apartment after he remembered that the only remaining physical proof of his pregnancy was tucked into the pocket.

He tried to play it cool as he walked into the living room so that he was standing next to the couch. He awkwardly folded his arms over his chest and stomach, which hadn’t begun to change in a noticeable way but Viktor was still very nervous about. He cleared his throat and then shifted from foot to foot as he asked, “Do you think that you could give me Luther’s number?”

Allison had been half ignoring him the entire time that he was back in their apartment, obviously hoping that he would go to his room or pick up whatever he needed to spend time with Klaus. He was usually out of their dorm when she had her boyfriend over after the time that he had heard them being intimate through the paper thin wall that separated their rooms from each other. When she heard him ask that, her brows immediately flew into her hairline and she turned to look at him, “What?”

“Y-you still have it, right? I know that it would be totally in your right to delete it since what you guys had didn’t even really last that long and was totally weird but I know that you still talk sometimes so I was hoping that you would still have it and would feel comfortable giving it to me,” he rambled. The words were tumbling out of his mouth until they were basically overlapping and on top of each other.

She held up her hand to silence him before he could continue his ramble. While he had been talking she was untangling her legs from Ray’s so that she could stand up and face him properly. “Viktor, I don’t mean what number, I meant why did you want it? You and Luther had about one conversation and it went poorly because he’s a huge himbo. Why do you want his number?”

“I need it,” he said, which was entirely unhelpful. Viktor tried to wrack his mind for excuses that he could give her about why he wanted the number. 

It had apparently been too long since her initial ask as she then said, “I know, but why?”

“I’m trying to get some information from him that I really need,” his eyes flickered over to Allison. He knew that if he told her then Ray would hear again quickly, but for some reason his brain was more okay with him hearing through his girlfriend than through his own mouth. Usually it would be the other way around since he had been the subject of several nasty gossip trains when they were in college, so he preferred that people just not talk about him as a whole. However, having to tell everyone that he was one of those people that got pregnant on a one night stand in college wasn’t really something he wanted to have to keep admitting.

“Why don’t I step out for a moment and give you two a second to talk? You can let me know when it’s okay to come back,” Ray said as he got up from the couch. He held Allison’s waist to bring her closer so that he could kiss her cheek. 

“Thank you, baby,” she murmured as she brushed her hand over the side of his face.

Viktor’s heart ached as he wished that he could have that kind of relationship with Five. If he had just had the guts to go up and talk to him then he wouldn’t have ended up pregnant at twenty-two with no one to help him raise the kid other than his childhood best friend. Had things gone well, there was the slightest chance that he would have ended up pregnant at twenty-two with the man of his dreams at his side and a pleasant future smiling at them both. Then he wouldn’t have to spend the rest of his life explaining that his child wasn’t an accident, but a surprise that happened earlier in their life than they had intended.

He had spent a lot of time over the past couple of weeks daydreaming instead of continuing on with the plan that he and Klaus had made.

Once the door clicked shut and signified that they were really as alone as they could in the dorm block, Viktor took a deep breath to steady his nerves. His nausea had been playing up since his best friend had sat down next to him in the canteen to let him know that he had to get started on the plan or it was never going to happen. “I’m pregnant, Allison.”

“With Luther’s kid?” she gasped, her eyes widening big enough that they were basically consuming her entire face.

“What? NO!” he shouted immediately. She had been right about him and Luther only having one real interaction with each other. It had been when they were Freshman and Allison was still playing the will-they-won’t-they game with him like she had done with a string of men during that year. They had gotten hostile with each other, which had been the deciding factor for the relationship that it wasn’t going to be happening. Since then they had both changed and settled out so they could chat when they were in a group together in one of their shared classes and didn’t have to glare at each other in the hallways.

Given that their relationship had started off in such a bad place, it only made sense that Allison would be so flabbergasted at the idea of them putting aside their grudge to the point where they could sleep together and Viktor could conceive. 

He let out a sigh as he began to pull at the ends of his fingers. “The baby is Five’s, his twin brothers. Five is really fucking antisocial so the only way that I can reach out to him is through his brother because the only person that would have his number doesn’t text people,” he groused.

This hadn’t been his original plan, to go through two different people so that he could get the number he needed. However, when he had asked Lila about it she had just laughed and showed off the conversation that she had through Instagram. Viktor had later learned, while complaining about how much she sucked, through Diego that was the only way she talked with anyone. Apparently her adoptive mother was the only person that had her number so that she could handle the notifications differently and avoid accidentally reading a message she wasn’t prepared to reply to.

Viktor felt a little bit guilty as he remmebered that Diego still wasn’t in the loop. The two of them had been closer than he was with Allison because their interests aligned more and they actually spent quality time together. Viktor considered himself to be friends with Allison, of course, but he and Diego had reached the same level that he had with Klaus. To an extent, he supposed, seeing as Klaus knew about the baby while Diego didn’t.

A couple of months ago, he thought that the most complicated part of his life was going to be the transition from college to his first job.

Allison had apparently come to her senses. She toyed with the end of one of her braids as she asked, “Is that why you’ve been acting so weird?”

“Huh?” he asked, intelligently, since he had been so trapped in his own mind that he had lost their place in the conversation.

“The baby. Is that why you and Klaus have been acting so weird?” she reiterated.

Another wave of guilt. “Yeah, I’m sorry. Originally we didn’t want to tell anyone because I wanted Five to be the first person to know other than Klaus. Klaus was there with me when I took the test which is the only reason that he knows. I was going to tell you eventually…”

“Are you keeping it?” she asked next, her eyes flickering around their tiny dorm room apartment.

“I’m not due until well after we graduate, it’s not like I’ve been keeping this from you for months and months. I found out six weeks ago and I’m barely even at the tale end of my first trimester,” he explained. “I just… I’ve been putting this off for as long as I can and now I can’t anymore. We’re graduating in two weeks and I just got my first ultrasound done so I really need to tell Five so that I can give him the chance to be involved in his kid’s life.”

“Do you think he’s going to want to be?” Allison asked. She grabbed her phone from where it had been resting on top of all the books she wasn’t using to study.

Viktor dropped his head down into one of his hands. His feet were already beginning to ache despite how early he was into his pregnancy. He wanted to pass out and ignore his problems until a much, much later date but if he did that then he would have to answer to his best friend. “I have no idea. I’ve had a crush on him since we were freshman and while he’s absolutely gorgeous and very intelligent, he keeps his personal life so guarded that I didn’t even know Luther was his twin until four months ago.”

She laughed and then handed him her phone, open to the contact that he needed. He pulled out his own phone and then copied the information he needed before he handed it back to her. “Thank you for helping me with this, Allison.”

“Of course. What kind of asshole would I be if I stopped you from getting into contact with your baby daddy?” she laughed as she dropped her phone back down onto the table.

Viktor cringed, “Don’t ever say that to me again.”

Another laugh as she pulled him into a hug. It felt nice to be in the comforting embrace of another one of his friends, confirmed that they didn’t hate him for the slip up in judgment that he had that resulted in a life changing consequence. 

Allison kissed the top of his head and then said, “But I am going to be the type of asshole to kick you out of your own apartment. I want my boyfriend back here, so you have to scoot.”

---

Klaus’ dorm was very different from Viktor’s. Instead of being what was essentially a mini-apartment that his mother had helped him pay for, it was a standard cinderblock room. Klaus had managed to drive away every single roommate that he had ever had to the point where the administrators had given up trying to room him with anyone. That meant that he had pushed both of the single beds together and stretched a custom-altered queen-sized sheet over the mattresses to give himself a larger bed. His walls were cluttered with posters and overdue assignments, the ceiling stained from when he had been chain smoking cigarettes when they were sophomores (his mother had gotten so upset at him for it that he had quit almost immediately after she found out). His floor was littered with washed and unwashed laundry, more assignments, and enough baggies of weed to kill a large badger.

The weed was remaining unsmoked this time, though they had shared a joint or two every other time that they had been in his dorm. There wasn’t a lot of research about what marijuana would do to an unborn fetus since it had been criminalized for so long, but Viktor knew that smoking was bad so he assumed that he should just avoid the whole fiasco altogether.

He was spread out on top of Klaus’ bed after shoving the laundry that took up a fourth of it onto the ground. He was sitting with his legs crossed and his back propped up against the pillows with one hand pressed to where his child was steadily growing. He had his phone in the other hand, typing awkwardly with only one thumb.

“This entire thing feels so weird,” he muttered.

“That’s like the thousandth time you’ve said that since it all began. We get it, being pregnant is like totally bonkers,” Klaus teased.

He stopped when Viktor sent him a look, obviously not in the mood for that kind of thing. “Klaus, you know that this is really stressing me out. What if Luther and Five turn out to be total assholes? I know that his relationship with that theoretical physicist undergrad has changed Luther or whatever but we’ve ended up snarling at each other every time that we’ve had a long conversation other than once. Now I’m asking him for his brother’s number because I’m carrying his nibling! That’s fucking insane.”

“You’re right, it is weird. But Luther isn’t an asshole anymore. Sloane really made him change who he was and realize that the world didn’t revolve around him. Five is just weird in general,” Klaus shrugged. “Here, read me what you’ve got so far.”

“I just said: ‘Hey, this is Viktor from Mythology and History. I know we’re not super close but I need a favor and you’re the only person left that I can ask’. Which, I know, is super cryptic and not really the best way to start the conversation but I already sent it,” he grumbled.

“If you already sent it and it’s a text then there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ve just gotta learn to roll with the flow, Vik! Everything is gonna turn out okay in the end, you know that. We’re gonna raise this baby together as the best village a kid could ever ask for regardless of whether or not Five wants to be involved in their life,” he soothed. He had given Viktor that speech throughout the entire process of his pregnancy so far. Every step of their plan had felt like scaling an entire mountain in one go, overwhelming and nearly impossible.

Viktor was glad that he had Klaus by his side because if he hadn’t, he probably wouldn’t have even gotten as far as he had. “I know, thanks,” he grasped his best friend’s hand and gave it a light squeeze. Klaus was laying with his back pressed to the edge of the bedframe and his head tilted backwards so that he could look at Viktor while they were talking. When they weren’t, he was facing forward and doing a rather crude sketch of their teacher for a last-minute assignment he had neglected.

The pregnant musician jumped when his phone sounded to let him know that he had gotten another text. He relayed it to Klaus as he read it, “‘Hey Viktor, Allison let me know that you got my number from her earlier. What did you need?’ Klaus, what do I even say to that? Do I explain why I need his brother’s number or do I just ask for it?”

“Just ask for it. I never give an explanation even after I’ve been prompted to do so,” he smirked.

That got a little laugh out of him, which drained some of the tension from the surrounding room. He sent off the message requesting the other man’s number. Luther sent him a question mark and then the number before asking him what it was about. Viktor tried to assuage any worry or confusion he had by promising that he would explain it later.

He set up the contact for Five with shaking hands before he sent a message eerily similar to the one that he had just sent the other twin. “Here, this is what I have so far: ‘Hey, my name is Viktor. We met at a party a couple of months ago and I need to talk to you about something very important. Do you have a time/place we could meet up?’”

“From a logical stand point that is a very good message, however, I think that it would be a lot funnier if you said that you had something of his,” Klaus grinned.

“The baby is not a possession to be owned,” Viktor bit out immediately afterwards. His own father had tried that when attempting to get custody of Viktor when he was younger, which of course had not passed in the American court of law.

He sent off the message and then collapsed down onto the bed as he waited for a reply. He got one pretty quickly afterwards, simply giving him a dorm block number and a time. “I guess I’m going to be revealing the fact that I’m carrying my long-term crushes baby to him in a week.”

Klaus flipped around and then snatched the phone back from him to look it over. “Man, he didn’t even say hi back. Do you want me to come with you or are you gonna be good?”

“I think that I should be okay to do the whole meeting with just the two of us. Having you there might be awkward. Will you walk me there?” Viktor asked hopefully.

“Of course,” Klaus easily promised.

---

A week before graduation and a week into his second trimester with a pregnancy he had never expected to carry, Viktor and Klaus were wandering down the complicated sidewalks of their college campus to try and find a specific address. The GPS that they were using was very upset that they weren’t on the road, despite the fact that they were not in a car and had to be on the sidewalk. They had been going in relative silence as Viktor rehearsed things that he could say to Five once the time actually came over and over again in his head.

They were finally told that they had arrived at their destination in front of a tall dorm block next to a frat house. It was one of the cleaner frat houses on campus, without the trash littering the yard and generally pleasant looking people milling about in the front. The dorm block itself was nearly twenty stories and painted the same gentle purple as the schools’ overall color scheme. It was well kept on the outside and completely devoid of people coming in and out of it. That wasn’t as rare as it would have been earlier in the year since everyone was so close to graduating that they either wanted to catch up on sleep, had to study, or didn’t even want to be on campus more than they absolutely had to.

Viktor paused and looked to the top floor as if that would somehow help him feel more steady with what he was going to have to do. He had barely slept the night before because he had been so anxious about what the next day would entail. 

He snapped out of his thoughts again when Klaus placed a hand on his best friend’s shoulder, “You sure that you’re going to be okay? You know, doing this alone?”

“I don’t think that it’s going to have the same punch if I have someone there while I explain that he knocked me up,” he muttered. He ran a hand through his bangs to try and right them. When he had gotten up earlier that morning they had refused to lay flat, the dark chocolate locks already growing thicker and wilder than they ever had before in his life. His nails had also begun to grow quicker and gotten thicker, which was apparently a symptom of pregnancy no one online bothered to talk about.

Klaus didn’t seem so convinced. He wrapped Viktor up in a hug and while kissing the top of his head said, “If anything gets weird or bad you tell me right away and I’ll force Ben to come and check on you with me.”

Viktor laughed, his troubles melting away in the safety of his best friend’s arms. “You know that I will. You’re going to be the first person after Five to know how it all went down. And if it goes bad you better be prepared to pick up the pieces because I can only manage one person at a time and right now that means baby is my responsibility.”

“I know,” he chuckled as he pressed another kiss to the top of his head. “Now go. Actually tell him or there will be Hell to pay from me!”

The smaller man laughed and waved him off as he began towards the dorm block. He walked through the front door and then to the elevator at the back of the long hallway. There was a bulletin board inside that had a myriad of different declarations, such as when the graduation party was going to be, that someone was offering guitar lessons, when quiet hours were (that one had been scribbled over with a myriad of different colors to give each person their own quiet hours), a petition to make the dorm animal-friendly, and half of an essay that had a large boot print in the middle.

The elevator ride up to the floor that he had been given was slow and wobbly, since nothing in any of the dorm blocks was ever great. The one where Five lived was a little bit cleaner and tidier in the halls than the one where Viktor lived with Allison and leagues better than Klaus’. 

The anxiety that he had been fighting with since early in the evening the day before had returned with a vengeance. It was sitting like a massive pit in his stomach, eating away at his insides until all he could feel was nausea. His hands were shaky as he stepped out of the elevator, forced to release the metal bar that had been there to help people stabilize during the jerky movements. His stomach clenched around the single mini-muffin that he had been able to shove into himself for breakfast. His lungs choked on the air that he was breathing and helped spread the anxiety around his body.

He was able to force himself forward so that he was slowly stalking down the hall. He didn’t know if the queasiness roiling in the back of his throat was because of the pregnancy or his anxiety, but he was ignoring it as best he could to focus instead on his mission.

He stopped in front of the door number that he had been given and rose his hand to knock. After he did, he closed his eyes and breathed a few times to calm himself down. The silence stretched on for thirty seconds before the door finally opened, and towards the end of his wait Viktor had begun to suspect that he had been tricked and that wasn’t actually Five’s dorm.

The door opened and Luther was standing in front of him, all at once. That had confirmed that he was at least at a place that could bring him to the man he really needed to talk to. He didn’t want to have to ask Luther for that kind of help again since it would almost definitely involve him explaining the pregnancy to another person before he did it to Five, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

“Uh, sorry, he’s inside. I’ll just step out and give the two of you some privacy,” he said awkwardly. He shuffled past Viktor and out into the hallway. It was odd to have someone with Luther’s bulk and height act like he was the ticking time bomb when Viktor struggled to push five feet tall and had always been awkwardly gangly.

“Thanks,” he gave an uncomfortable smile of his own. Once Luther had gotten fully out of the way, he inched past the slightly-closed door and into the dorm.

The apartment was just as nice on the inside as the block had been on the outside. There was a dining space and a small kitchen that actually had some counter space and a one-burner stovetop. The floor was hardwood, or at least a lookalike, and the walls were painted white with several classy paintings hung tastefully around the space. There were three doors on the wall opposite the kitchen space, one of which was open to reveal a neat little bathroom with chipper white tile along the walls and the floor. The other two doors were shut, though one of them opened to reveal the man that Viktor had spent the last week trying to chase down.

The violinist shut the door behind him so that they had some semblance of privacy while surrounded by strangers that probably had nothing better to do than listen in on their conversation, despite the hallways of the dorm block being mostly empty when Viktor was traveling through them.

“Hey,” he said awkwardly as he walked further into the apartment. He had his hands out in front of himself and was running the edge of his thumb nail over the callouses on the tips of his fingers to try and avoid the impulse to pull out the ultrasound in his pocket to play with that instead.

“Hello,” Five greeted rather tersely. He shut the door to his bedroom behind him and then walked over to the dining table in the center of the room. It was there where couches and chairs, or even bean bags and pillows on the ground, should have been. Viktor guessed that it was more conducive to the kind of studying that a future mathematician was going to have to do.

“I know that this is, uh, awkward and you probably don’t even remember who I am, but,” he paused for a second as he tried to find the right words. In his mind it sounded like was lying because he couldn’t even get through a single sentence without tripping over himself like some kind of child.

What was said next surprised him, to the point where his entire mind lost what he was trying to figure out how to say entirely. “I know who you are,” Five smiled. It looked a little awkward on his face, like he was somehow inherently more suited to scowling, but he was so handsome that Viktor almost swooned on the spot. 

“You do?” he felt his face beginning to flush.

“Of course I do,” he nodded. “But I shouldn’t have interrupted you, go on.”

They were sitting down at the dining table at that point, across from each other like what was happening was some sort of strange business transaction instead of the most life-changing news Viktor was ever going to have to tell someone. It felt like a bigger deal than when he had told his mother he was trans.

“So, we met up at a party a while ago. Um, I don’t usually go to parties so I don’t have anything to define it by but we… slept together,” Viktor explained awkwardly. He reached into the pocket of his jacket and then pulled out the ultrasound as he set it down on the table, “I’m pregnant.”

Five was silent as he reached over and picked up the singular piece of paper. He held it to his face, his brow furrowing together and his already surly eyes becoming even more intense as he scrutinized the mess of black and white blobs for something Viktor couldn’t even name.

“I see,” he replied as he sat the photo back down on the table at the half way point between them. All of the joy that he had carried upon seeing Viktor was gone, hidden behind emotions that the violinist couldn’t even dream of reading.

He took the ultrasound back and then began on a nervous spiel that had been trying to force its way out of his mouth the entire time that he was watching Five study their unborn child. “I don’t expect you to be involved at all. I wanted to let you know because you deserve to have a say if you want one, but technically part of that say is deciding that you don’t. I’m not going to get an abortion since this is my body and I get to decide what medical procedures I do and do not want done. But I also thought that you deserved to know that you had a kid running around somewhere in the world even if you don’t want anything to do with us. Which I’m not saying that you will want, because I wouldn’t really want that if I had the kind of career ideas that people say you do. Um, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wanted you to know that our genetics are going to be running around as a kid but I’m not expecting even child support, so, uh, yeah.”

After he finished speaking, Five sat there for a moment while blinking. His face was still a unreadable mask and his eyes were still storming with thoughts. Viktor wondered, just for a moment, if that was what he always looked like when he was thinking or if it was unique to their situation because of the bomb that Viktor had just dropped on him.

“And you’re sure that the baby is mine?” Five asked, something akin to hope glimmering in the back of his tone.

“I don’t get out that much,” Viktor nodded. “The party thing was a fluke and I made a bunch of decisions I probably should have been more cautious about. So not only does the timing add up, it’s kind of impossible to get pregnant from a guy you slept with six months ago.”

“Right,” Five nodded. He sat back in his chair and then ran his hand through his hair, displacing the locks so that they hung messily down around his forehead.

He shook his head and then looked back up at Viktor, his eyes cleared but his face still contorted with stress. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate anything about you. I just didn’t realize that this was a thing that could happen to me.”

“I didn’t think that it was something that could happen to me either, I’m usually really careful. But it did,” he shrugged awkwardly.

“I’m not upset about this, by the way. I don’t blame you and I don’t think you’re trying to trap me. I’m willing to help you in any way that you see fit,” Five said. “I can pay you child support, co-parent, have limited custody. Whatever works best for you.”

Viktor fidgeted as he tried to get the words out in a coherent way, despite the jumble of thoughts rushing through his mind. He was still in love with Five the same way that he had been when he was a dumb teenager spotting him across the hall during their orientation. His heart still fluttered at the thought of being near him again and his stomach still flipped at the proximity from even across the table. He was having a baby with someone that he was head over heels in love with, the kind of love that made his heart ache in his chest and his skin feel red hot, but not in the way that he had hoped.

“I want you to be involved in their life, like actually involved. My dad was really absent and it fucked me up. So if you’re going to do this then you really need to do this. You can’t decide that you don’t want to halfway through and then give them abandonment issues,” Viktor said seriously. It was hard to toss away the puppy dog feelings bubbling up in his chest but he had to worry about his child over his own feelings and emotions.

Five barked out a laugh and then looked embarrassed. “I apologize, I wasn’t laughing at you. Child abandonment isn’t something that my mothers would ever allow me to do. Even if I didn’t want to be a parent, which I do, there would be a chance that they would force me into some level of it anyway. Just to make sure that you and the baby would be supported, of course. They respect my bodily autonomy and choices with my life.”

“Okay,” Viktor nodded, feeling suddenly very overwhelmed with the whole ordeal. “So we can talk more about what we want co-parenting to look like in the future, we’ve got another two trimesters to get to before we’re there. And I need a nap.”

“Would you like me to walk you back to your dorm?”

“No, thank you,” he flushed. The idea of being led back to his home was something that he had dreamed about on that fateful night of conception, but this would be a lot different than that. For one, it was the middle of the day. He was also already pregnant with Five’s child and the two of them probably weren’t going to be having any chemistry because of that. “My best friend is waiting outside because he didn’t trust me to not just turn and run. I’ll let you know when the next appointment is if you’d like to join me for that, though.”

“I would love to. And I would also like to request a copy of the ultrasound if at all possible,” Five smiled warmly. It made Viktor’s insides feel gooey and like he was going to melt on the spot.

“I can do that,” Viktor nodded confidently. “I’ll see you later, then.”

“Right, yeah,” he sprang up from the table while nodding. He walked over to the door and then opened it for Viktor, which resulted in them having another awkward set of goodbyes at the front of the dormroom where neither of them were sure what level of a relationship they were on with each other. 

Finally, Viktor was back down on the ground floor and texted Klaus to come and get him so they could walk home. He refused to give any details other than the fact that it went well, but forced his best friend to cuddle with him while he napped off the stresses of the day and night before.

[tokuteasings]

Dating Captain Marvelous

TOOK FIFTY YEARS FOR ME TO WRITE BUT HERE WE ARE WARNINGS: i havent watched gokaiger in 35 years but I did my best. Im so sorry if this sucks

Marvey, first and foremost, is simply proud to have you by his side. This means PDA is not sparse but not common either. It’s this healthy balance because sometimes you two need your own space to breathe in. This sometimes means sitting in silence at a table while doing something separate from one another and perhaps sitting across each other. Marvey is comfy with silence though sometimes he will glance over to see what you’re doing. He’s curious more often than not but sometimes he does it to get a glimpse of you and marvel to himself how lucky he is to have you in his life. Other than that, Marvelous isn’t really a hand holder but a brief cheek pecker and a “arm wrapped around the waist of my partner” and a “hand on the small of my partner’s back” sort of person. He shows public affection in different ways, sometimes verbal little whispers that only you notice or sometimes slip past you…or straight up pinches your ass. JUst to be a lil shit-

In private, Marvelous is a bit more affectionate. As said before, he’s comfy with silence and simply existing with you but the thing he loves doing the most are back hugs. It’s…very vulnerable of him to do so. Obviously, because anyone can just backstab him and you need to keep your back protected. It takes a while for him to get used to you hugging him from behind, he instantly enters “fight or flight” mode and there is a possibility he may grab something near him as a weapon if not use his own. But as you two slowly work through this relationship, he tends to recognize the sound of your footsteps, the change in the air, the sound of your breathing and instantly relaxes. Your weight against his back is no longer a blade digging into his most vital self. It’s…a net, a comfort he can fall into. So when he hugs your back, Marvelous is kind of trying to do the same to you. To give you the same sensation of something to fall back on…to remind you that you are loved - because that’s what your touch does to him. 

Cocky as ever, Marvey desires stimulation in any sort of situation. He has adrenaline highs and so dates are similarly thrilling as hell. He doesn’t mind slower stuff as he has calmed down a bit but Marvelous prefers dates that get him all excited. It’s almost like a kid in a candy store. Amusement parks are a great one because he adores playing the games and winning you things. He tends to show off to you however he can! He wins you like every single fucking prize he can get, gets on all of the fucking most dangerous ass rides and have the fucking time of his god damn life. He cannot sit still, he has to move. Dates will always be unpredictable as he is, but always involve food somehow. Whether it’s exploring a new city before trying its food, or just going out to hike in the wilderness. 

Since Marvey also loves eating, another date he tends to enjoy are new restaurants that pique his interests. Especially if it’s some sort of whack new thing to try or hella spicy foods. He loves spicy foods, it tingles his tongue and honestly it’s like crack to him. But if you happen to cook for him, Marvelous is over the fucking moon. He can clear away dishes like it’s nothing but your food makes him the most happy man you have ever seen within the fucking universe. He eats it all super quickly that you need to fucking make like 5 different meal portions for him at once. But he has this happiest fucking smile to his face whenever he eats your cooking that it’s all worth it in the end. 

The entire goddamn ship….ships it. But nonetheless, the group are suuuper happy to have you aboard their ship because Marvelous seems to glow whenever you’re around. He’s charismatic, yes, but their captain seems to be…perhaps happier, of course. But there’s this sort of pure elation he has - this shine in his eyes that never leaves, it’s like a treasure of the greatest kind - to him that no one can put their finger on. Ahim and Gai know it’s Marvelous being bitten by the love bug and the others just smile to themselves and nod. Joe is not jealous but he’s hiding this smirk behind a book or in general because…he’s just happy that Marvelous has found someone to love. He deserves it, honestly. 

Marvelous isn’t one for nicknames per say, but he adores calling you his “treasure” and it’s because you are!!! It’s this reverent and dreamy sort of nickname that pretty much encapsulates everything you are to him. It’s reserved for these quiet moments reserved for just the two of you and no one else. He will probably whisper this into your ear with this grin to his lips that is just so full of pride and love for you that it’s shimmering and shining and utterly blinding. He does like being called “Captain” and all but tends to snort, scoff, and shrug off any nicknames you try to give him instead. Though inwardly, he tends to smirk and smile to himself, happy that you called him those and sometimes there are lil red blooming upon his ears…

Marriage isn’t in the mind of Marvelous in general as he cannot stand in one place half of the time. But…if he does get married, Marvelous would want to take on your last name - or a surname that you two decided on together. There is a reason why he doesn’t have much of a surname and since he does love you, he would like to take on yours. If you decide on a surname to share together, he’s also just as happy. It’s something the two of you will have together, unique to yourselves and it’s something you two will remember for all of time.

Ohhh Marvelous is protective of you to almost a fault. He trusts his crew around you but he won’t lie and say he won’t become a liiiil jealous whenever they get too close to you. The crew know not to fuck with their captain and sometimes it’s kind of fun to tease your boyfriend whenever he does get a lil jelly. He trusts you the most though, and knows that you won’t cheat on him or anything. But when he does get protective of you is when you’re hurt or someone wrongs you. He does this thing where he is just barely holding back fiery rage (sometimes Joe or Luka has to place their hand on his shoulder to cause him to see sense or you need to hold his quivering hand) and is deadly silent before hissing out “Who hurt you?” he’s something to see him like this. BUt in battle he trusts you to take care of yourself, it doesn’t mean he isn’t watching you out of the corner of his eye however. 

Patching him up is a vulnerable sort of situation for the two of you. It’s this stark silence between the two of you and sometimes you two berate each other. “How could you jump in front of me and take the hit? You’re an idiot.” “But I’m your idiot.” and there’s a scoff and a smirk shared but it’s an intimate moment. No matter if it’s the end of one of your many, many, sparring sessions or the end of a fight you two had with an opposing force. It’s a moment to heal and to spend time with each other. He’s painstakingly gentle whenever he patches you up, not pressing kisses from his lips on to your wounds but kisses from the tips of his fingers on to them. May they heal faster, may you recover quicker, may you stay by his side always…

Loving Marvelous is like loving the waves of a ravenous ocean and you enjoy it. The ups and downs and unpredictable nature that sways this way and that. Loving Marvelous is an adventure from the skies of the universe. It’s impossible to figure out what you two are going to do next or when to do it. Most of all, you two are the definition of ride or die. Whatever you are going to do, Marvelous is not too far behind you - either trying to ensure you’re safe or joining you in your antics and vice versa. You two keep each other in check but also are each other’s best hype people. It’s a strange little relationship that was once purely platonic and the two of you were nervous to cross that line. It was comfortable and there was no need to cross it until one of you couldn’t handle it anymore and just…slammed your lips together. 

[esteemedproblem]

Gamzee & Karkat

[Plain text: Gamzee & Karkat]

These two are tragic. They care about each other, but in the world they were in, they weren't made for each other.

Gamzee was never in a mental position to be able to really help other people. Lil cal, no lusus, the pie. People either treated him high a mighty (Equius), with fear (Karkat & Tavros) or like shit (all of them minus Tavros I think.) They just shrugged off his addiction as that just being his personality. He needed help, likely help none of them could have provided, but they still could have been there for him. There is nothing wrong with needing more help than what you can mentally or physically give, but none of the trolls were really in the position to be able to do that for him. At best, they could have tried to help him get professional help if that even existed on alternia, and maybe as they all got older, they would have gotten him that help. However, the game would never allow them that growth he had to get through that with all his preexisting issues and get to deal with the struggle of being cut off completely unready which if you know anything about addiction is really bad. The game and doc scratch really did everything they could to make him a rage player and gave him none of the tools to become a healthy, stable rage player. In the canon story he really never stood a chance and that's so tragic to me.

On the other side of this ship is Karkat, who has spent his entire life afraid. He doesn't trust anyone, and his desire to attempt to help everyone, but especially highbloods, is probably influenced by that fear. He keeps avoiding his own problems, claiming he'll be a great government hero, so maybe he has a chance at living. His friends probably could have helped him survive if Condy wasn't receiving power from Lord English. Maybe Feferi could have stood a chance once she became an adult. Or even using technology to get him clothes that help mask his heat signature. I understand why he didn't, but I feel like he stood slightly better chance at his friends being able to help him if they were cool about it.

Specifically with his relationship to Gamzee, as long as he stayed afraid, it would never work out, and as a kid, he just assumed Gamzee was an idiot and not someone who needed help. Thought he was easy to deal with, annoying, passive idiot. I feel if he wasn't worried about dying every moment of every day he might have actually noticed what Gamzee was doing to himself and the harm it was causing the the aura of sadness that Gamzee accidentally slips through sometimes whenever people talk shit about him.

This is again just a ship that never stood a chance with the game in place, and doc scratches adjustments. I love them. I do. I believe in a hundred different worlds as they grow together, they find a balance. Karkat helping him and Gamzee protect him, but I don't think it would get better till they were at least 25. Both adults, have several years of therapy under their belt and being part of each others support system. (and maybe when they feel like it making out idk) I think the best thing for them the best trope per say is childhood friends that have a big falling out and meet each other years later and reconnect both nervous but genuinely missing each other despite their troubled past relationship so happy to see how far the other has gone.

We ship them both flushed, pale, both and fluctuating. We love our sad little gay men. They had no hope in HS tho.

[wild-ride-to-headcanons]

Heeeey, so I’ve been in deep thought lately about all kinds of au ideas for TFP and I decided that I should start sharing what I think. So let’s start with a certain au that has been in and out of my mind for a little while.

So today I shall introduce you to the team Prime kids as ancient deities/gods. The three are connected with an eternal bond that forces them together, and thanks to Miko they’re on Earth observing how this ancient race at war try and hide from a species that has no idea that other sentient life exists off their planet. Miko was even the one that pulled the strings forcing them onto Earth.

Speaking of Miko, I should probably say what kind of god they are. Fitting their personality, they are the goddess of chaos. They enjoy all forms chaos and loves implementing it as much as they can. While Miko and the other two agreed to try and blend in with the human population, they can’t help but sprinkle in chaos wherever they go. Then there’s the goddesses true form, like most other gods a mortal can’t perceive their true form as it will drive the mortal insane, but Miko’s true form is so chaotic that it will drive even other gods insane. Strange to most mortals that they encounter, Miko does not enjoy killing, they love torture but but not killing. As this goddess likes to say “death follows the circle of life, and the circle of life is order. I hate order.”

The one that loves order is Jack, as he’s the god of order. He hates every inch of Earth, feeling the dark chaotic power of Unicron deep within the Earths core, he’s often arguing with Miko and hates that he’s forced to play along in the pretend to be human game. He find humans too chaotic for his tastes, in fact life is just too chaotic for him. If it get too overwhelming for him he’ll just go into the dead silence of space. He also hates emotions, and hates that even gods are forced under the rule of the emotional spectrum. He often keeps his emotions in check and seem to be mostly emotionless.

Though in truth the least emotional of the three is Raf. Though his technical title is the god of logic, as logic is neither chaos nor order, his main job is to be the peacekeeper between Miko and Jack. He’s the one that makes them blend in with the humans, and he makes sure the other two’s powers are kept in check around the mortal life forms. He was created by the original gods of order and chaos, as to make sure the new gods of order and chaos don’t destroy everything around them.

Raf is also the one that explains order and chaos to mortals that are confused of how it works, “ neither chaos nor order are good or evil, you can’t have one without the other. Let’s look at it like a seed and a plant, order enjoys we’ll order, took much of it will force the seed to forever remain a seed never allowed to sprout. Then chaos allows the plant to grow and thrive without any issue, eventually it will steal all the nutrients from the soil and take over any other plant that wishes to grow. A nice mix of both allows the plant to grow but not take over, creating a healthy balance.”

[yokasaris]

Just me rambling (a lot), but I want to have it for posterity’s sake. Just in case.   tldr: pet illness/death, overly dramatic ramblings, maybe goodbye finally, doesn’t mean much to nonfriends so feel free to not read on

I mostly just use this blog for myself these days, and even then only half hearted (I did Rae’s yearly little drawing for his nameday! but no one will see it because... what’s the point, i already have it for myself i guess). So, even then a lot of my reblogs have just been related to black cats. Rae only became a fluffy black-furred miqo because of my own cat, and my efforts in RL trying to help people overcome prejudices about these animals (because I live in an area that’s like 50 years behind the rest of the USA most of the time). I love this cat so much. The shelter called him Elvis, but I changed it immediately to Ellis (my own birthname is “related to music” and my social anxiety can’t stand it when people I barely know start serenading me unprompted in public). I’ve never had a pet I’ve bonded with entirely because I’m just... a cold feckin robot that can’t connect with anything. I mostly adopted him because I felt bad for him. He was consistently ganged up on by the other cats at the shelter and no one wanted him because he was one of a handful of fully grown black cats and had the “worst” personality of the bunch. As soon as I brought him home it became apparent that he was sick. He had hyperthyroidism, and it was... a lot considering I was working minimum wage. I don’t even go to the doctor myself anymore because of the expenses unless things progress to the point where I have to go. A few years later, he developed an insulin resistance as well. Both endocrine diseases and one of his medications all had side effects that make him sick off and on, and of course balancing everything means frequent vet visits. There have been many times where I wasn’t sure what to do in regards to his healthcare and I didn’t make the best calls every time, but we’ve pulled through with the help of his awesome vet. And he got so... comfortable. For the first few years he mostly kept to himself, but over time he started getting more confident and affectionate. I was lucky that he takes pills and the shots like a champ because he has to take them twice a day every day. He learned how to play! I can pick him up and give him little smooches between the ears and he’s okay with it! He’ll curl up with me to watch cooking shows or when I play vidya games! He started purring! With so much shit happening over the past half decade, this little dude has been my reason to keep going. He’s the reason I get out of bed a lot of the time (also literally because he wakes me up for his meds now). A while ago (maybe a year or two?) the vet said he believed he had either lymphoma or a non-life threatening bowel issue. It was impossible to tell which it was without an invasive biopsy, which was out of the question due to his other health issues. So, I’ve known for a while that it was possible he didn’t have much longer to live. A few months back he really started having issues stemming from this problem. And yet... I chanced to try giving him a different food about a month ago and! suddenly! he got better! I thought that meant he definitely didn’t have cancer and it was the irritation instead. Besides, he was gaining weight now! It’s always been hard for him to put on weight, but he was looking healthier than he has in a very long time. Yet a couple weeks ago I started keeping a closer eye on him due to a few reasons (I had to leave a few XIV events early because of this, and I apologize).

This past weekend he started deteriorating.

What I thought was healthy weight gain was fluid build up in his abdomen due to, yes, lymphoma. So, at least it’s finally a concrete diagnosis. All the vets present agreed there was nothing they could do, so they removed as much of the fluid as they could and gave him some meds to make him feel better. Thursday his vet will back in, so we’ll be taking him in to be put to sleep. Took a shower as soon as I was home because can’t be sad, no one’s allowed to be sad and at least no one would notice the feckin horrid crying. I don’t know when I’ve actually cried like really cried last. I’d been ready for the possibility he’d die for so long, but I’d discarded that mentality when I naively thought for a moment that I knew better than the vet. But, he’s getting all the cuddles when he doesn’t want to be left alone, and he’s going to get his favorite treat meals these last couple of days (tuna Tuesday and chicken+ rice Wednesday). I’ll bring him one of my blankets when we finally have to go, and I’ll hold him as the sedatives put him under before they actually put him to sleep. Because this lil furball is the only thing tangible that reminds me there’s something good here, and I want to try and make him as happy and comfy as I can. After... I’m not sure. There’s nothing else here for me. The farm’s gone. My last link to anything and anyone tying me here is about to be gone. I want to go, but I don’t know where and there’s no place that I can fathom thriving. There’s no prospects, no ambitions or dreams. It’s something I’ve had on the mind for a long time, ever since I was first told Ellis was possibly terminally ill. I’ve just been... coasting through life ever since knowing I’d have to find some kind of purpose eventually. I can’t make any decisions right now because I don’t think this is the proper state of mind to decide anything, though. But, I don’t know. Maybe this is finally how I can let this blog go. I don’t know if I can handle all these lovely droves of absolutely amazing black cats I am so lucky to see on my dash every time I log in. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re cute. But, they’re fantastic every time. It pains me that there’s going to be one less of these lil critters around, but at least I can know that Ellis was one of the lucky ones who managed to find a loving home. So, maybe for the final time... black cats are good cats.