#like no i am not okay in the slightest and things are deeply & horribly wrong but im not telling YOU that

[lonelyplanetfag]

next person to ask me if im okay is getting hit with a truck i swear to god

[mooniefics]

bye bc i have not been able to get the thought of like,, you working as the candidate manager for the warrior program (aka glorified babysitter / school counselor) and reiner slowly falling for u over the years

—  you’d first met him around a month after he returned from paradis, after he was finally debriefed and given countless ideological assessments, and he was just exhausted by the time he was finally allowed to see his family again but he still woke up early the next day to go with gabi to training. he saw how happily gabi greeted you, how warmly you smiled back, and he thought that if anyone was taking care of his little cousin over the years he was gone, he was grateful that it was someone who came off as nicely as you did.

—  your first conversation initiated after gabi dragged him over by the arm and introduced the two of you herself, but you didn’t get to speak long before you all had to go your separate ways. the way you tucked a piece of gabi’s hair behind her ear and gingerly wrapped your arm around her as you led her off to her classes for the day makes his heart flutter.

—  you two made small talk when you ran into each other, sometimes talking about the kids, sometimes talking about yourselves, nothing terribly personal, but he always found himself feeling much lighter after he got to see you.

—  reiner accompanied you once when you chaperoned the kids’ recreational time in town and sat on the bench beside you while you both watched them all play around at the park you usually took them too. your voice was soft and affectionate as you told him that you sometimes forgot that they were just children, letting it slip that you couldn’t help but feel disheartened that they had been made to grow up so fast. you were worried that he, the one revered as the most loyal warrior, would report you for disrespecting the methods of marley, but he only sighed, smiling sadly as he replied, “me too.”

—  one day when the kids were training, you and the warriors were standing to the side watching them, discussing casually amongst yourselves as you watched them run laps with all their gear. on the last go around, udo fell flat on his face, and before reiner can even turn to see your reaction, you were already running over to make sure he was okay. the exercise instructor forced you to wait for udo to make it to the end on his own, but as soon as he reached finish line, you rushed him away into the main school building. when you didn’t return for a few minutes, reiner ventured in to see where you’d gone, he found you both in an empty classroom—you kneeling in front of udo, handkerchief in hand, gently wiping the tears and dirt from his cheeks and telling him that he had done a good job, that everybody makes a mistake once in a while, that he was just as capable as the other candidates. he stood beside the door, listening to you comfort udo, feeling his own eyes watering as he did. he wished he had someone like you when he was young.

—  the first time the two of you had a proper, in-depth conversation was the evening that the mid-east allied forces had declared war against marley, the only two left at the privacy of his quarters, sharing the last bottle of wine leftover between yourselves. the facade of perfect patriotism that you had both been careful to maintain had dissipated, whether because of the alcohol or because of the gravity of such impending doom weighing at your hearts. he’d learned that you’d been apart of the warrior program yourself, an unselected trainee in the class just a year below his own. you told him that was how you’d managed to secure yourself this position, but he said that it was much more than that, that you were a natural at a position that require such patience and compassion. the way your lips had turned up into the smallest of smiles made his cheeks flushed. 

“i heard the war is going to be mostly naval. i doubt we’ll have to worry about any of us being shipped out to fight any time soon.”

you took a long sip from your glass, finishing off what remained, taking in a deep, pensive breath. “god forbid they send any of those kids away to the battlefield. god forbid they send you away.”

“me?” he said after a moment of silence, an odd sort of tightness cinching around his heart and lungs, squeezing tighter with every fine detail he noticed in your sorrowful expression—warm eyes filled with sympathy, mouth drawn down into a delicate frown, brow slightly knitted.

“you’ve seen enough. you’ve gone through enough, more than anyone should have to go through by themselves.”

reiner felt a lump beginning to form in his throat, an almost tangible ache echoing through his chest. that was the first time someone had ever told him that before.

—  despite the worsening tension of war, reiner saw that you were just as cheerful as ever with the kids, bringing them sweets and desserts you made yourself when you got the chance, taking them out on their weekly outings and making sure they were doing alright just as normal. but he could see the way your face would shift when one of them piped up with something regarding the current battle being waged, spouting out the same propaganda he’d been force-fed for his entire life. you would only smile, patting them on the shoulder or rubbing their back, responding with a simple assertion that you were sure marley’s troops were doing great out there before changing the subject

“they’re so young. sometimes i forget they’re only children.”

your words from the park bench flitted across his mind, the words that you silently spoke when your eyes widened at gabi’s proclamation that marley’s glory would forever prevail, or when your lips pursed briefly at the four of them squabbling over who would inherit which titan.

“they’re too small to be holding such big weapons. those rifles they give them are taller than they are. it’s.. it’s...”

perverse? distressing? horrible? it was all of those things, and so much more. but you saw it. you didn’t egg them on like porco or zeke, you congratulated them without drenching it in more and more lies. you didn’t see them as soldiers-in-training, you didn’t see them as warriors, you saw them as they were. as children. you cared for them like he did.

—  when the time came, you were shipped off to fort slava alongside the warrior unit, your training and your extensive experience working with the candidates for the past five years serving as the justification for your necessity. though reiner had wished to be around you more often, he didn't at all enjoy it in this context. seeing you in a full soldier’s uniform, skin dusted with dirt and gunpowder, a helmet that only seemed to have more and more dents and scratches in the metal with each day that passed—it felt so incredibly wrong. you didn’t belong in the trenches of war, and yet he still saw you running about every morning, previously soft hands becoming roughened and scarred, growing thinner and thinner from the stress and minuscule rations that were barely enough to get everyone through the day. and yet you were lively, still tending to the kids and attempting to give them a space away from the warfare outside when you could all retire to the unit’s dugout at night.

—  one night, reiner had woken from his sleep and was too restless to return to it, unable to ignore the distant sounds of gunfire and shouts from outside, staring up at the ceiling from his bunk and allowing himself to drift away into his thoughts. he remembered all the nights he’d spent like this in his own home as a child, barely able to force himself to sleep for a few hours despite knowing that he had another long day of training ahead of him. but he turned over on his mattress at the sound of soft murmuring, the sound of sheets shifting and the quiet protest of the flimsy bed frames squeaking. in the dimness of the lantern that sat at the foot of gabi’s bunk, he saw you seated at her bedside, looking down at her as you spoke.

“are you okay? do you want me to wake up reiner?”

he couldn’t make out gabi’s mumbled response, but he saw the small silhouette of her head shaking from side to side on her pillow.

“i know he’s been looking tired lately, but i promise that he won’t be upset if we wake him up for a moment.”

another unintelligible reply from the young girl just barely occupied the air. a part of him wanted to step out of his bunk and see what she needed, but another, more persuasive thought kept him still, laying silently, watching on to see how you would tend to her. he knew that gabi admired you deeply, the fact that you’d managed to win her over was something that impressed him, but at the same time didn’t surprise him at all. he couldn’t imagine how anyone could dislike someone as gentle and thoughtful as you.

“you’re a big girl, gabi, so am i. but that doesn’t mean we don’t all need a little bit of help sometimes. it’s scary out here, and i’m so proud of you for holding your own out there. it’s okay to be scared.”

you were quiet for a moment, allowing for gabi to speak, a hand reaching out to gently stroke the side of her head and run through her hair. a quiet, genuine laugh slipping from you when she concluded.

“i promise i won’t tell anyone. i’ll get back to my bunk as soon as you get back to sleep. deal?”

he caught the end of an affirmative nod from his cousin, and the two of you fell silent. you stood for a moment to tuck the covers around her, sitting back down and returning to your soothing motions, looking almost like a dream in the glow of the soft illumination at your side.

he realized in that moment what that feeling in his chest was, the one that made his throat tighten just the slightest bit, that made him feel light as air for those few fleeting moments before the spell of you in his gaze was broken by some menial interruption. but the interruption didn’t come this time, nothing to remind him to bury his feelings and not ruminate on them long enough to figure out exactly what they were. he had been running from this revelation for far too long, and he knew exactly why—because it would be unfair to burden you with these feelings that he knew he shouldn’t have.

he loved how you made him feel. he loved seeing how cheerful you were even when it was too early in the morning for him to even be properly awake himself. he loved seeing how you smiled when the children hung onto you on your days out. he loved that you could see the appalling indoctrination of marley’s military might on it’s citizens for what it was. he loved how you saw him for more than his failure four years ago. he loved how tender you looked stroking his younger cousin’s hair, assuring her that you wouldn’t leave her until she was fast asleep. he loved you, honestly and wholeheartedly.

it was a selfish desire, a longing that he would have to keep to himself for your sake. but, in moments like these, where the vision of having something more seemed so close to his outstretched grasp, the thought of sharing his final years together rather than in a respectful coexistence, he found it so difficult to resist temptation. 

if only he had more time.

24 / 7 reiner brainrot. i have an unfathomable amount of love for this man ( ; ω ; )

[sylvies-chen]

Prompt 74 for Brettsey?

74. "You've shown me what love can feel like."

Sylvie sees Harrison in Chicago for the first time in seven years.

She doesn't know how or why. She's getting coffee at the place around the corner from her building (she's become a regular there), sipping on a vanilla latte, when she sees him. He just walks up to her table, stands there, and nods as if he just casually ran into an old friend who just so happens to live in a completely different state. As if they didn't end on horrible terms. As if he wasn't an emotionally abusive, manipulative asshole.

It throws her for a loop, to say the least.

"Sylvie," he greets her. "I thought that was you I saw. I see you're still ordering those sugary, frilly drinks."

Ah. It's nice to see Harrison hasn't changed one bit in seven years. Sylvie has though-- she's strong enough to not let crap like that get under her skin.

"Harrison," she gawks. "Why-- I mean... what are you doing here in Chicago?"

"Getting married," he nods casually.

Sylvie nearly spits out her coffee. "What?"

"Yeah," he confirms. "I'm engaged. My fiancée, Marissa, wanted to have the wedding here. I guess she's finally making an honest man out of me, huh?”

"Oh, I'm sure she'll try," she replies, slightly passive aggressive and with a smile that feels too forced. And she'll fail, Sylvie adds in her head.

She doesn't mean to be so bitter but even after all these years, thinking about the horrible things Harrison made her feel makes her angry beyond measure. Her skin crawls and the feeling gets worse with every second she’s stuck there making conversation with him.

"Yeah. Well what about you? Find anyone to put up with you yet?" It comes out of Harrison's mouth as a joke, as he elbows her ribs teasingly from across the table. But the physical contact isn't appreciated in the slightest by Sylvie and she knows he's only half kidding. Man. Harrison is an old wound that will always manage to make her bleed just a little.

She thinks about it, and remembers that yes. She actually does have someone to put up with her. Someone who not only puts up with her, but enjoys her, respects her-- loves her. Matt Casey.

The name alone gives her strength and she lets out a deep breath, relaxing. "Yes, I do. Matt. He's wonderful in-- in every way imaginable. I'm very lucky."

"You two married?"

"No, not yet. We're taking things slow. But we're partners, equals. We don't need a marriage license to tell us that."

Harrison bites his inner cheek at the subtle digs hidden in her words. She knows he'd never seen her as an equal, that he'd only wanted to marry Sylvie so he could have more control over her. Someone to cook, someone to clean. Back then, it'd made Sylvie feel like pulling her hair out and crying. Now, all it does it make her appreciate her new life even more. That Sylvie is gone, and the people she's surrounded herself with now are beautiful inside and out. Harrison's momentary return to Chicago won't change that.

Eventually, Sylvie is freed from the hellhole of a social situation and Harrison has to leave-- something about cake testing, he'd told her, which she'd subtly rolled her eyes at.

That night, Matt knocks at her door. They'd already planned for a relaxing date night staying inside-- he'd even agreed to watch some Studio Ghibli movies with her, which she'd been excited about. But the afternoon's interaction with Harrison had sort of thrown her and when she answers the door and lets him in, it doesn't take long for Matt to see that something's off with her.

"Hey," he says, holding up a thick bottle. "I bought the rose you like for tonight, hope that's alright."

"It's perfect," she nods, smiling only partly genuinely. It really does make her happy, the fact that he'd remembered what kind of rose she likes, but her mind is elsewhere. It's in the past, replaying snapshots of her life in Fowlerton and how miserable she was.

"You okay?"

Matt's already in the apartment, pulling off his jacket and putting down the wine.

But god. He's standing there, looking at her cheerfully, albeit a little curiously. He can tell something's wrong but that soft and kind look on his face reminds her of everything good about their relationship. He's safe and warm and wonderful, in ways Harrison never could be. The wounds Harrison had left, even now when they're scarred over, feel invisible and pointless when she's around Matt. It overwhelms her for a moment.

She sighs, closes the space between them and wraps her arms around his neck and shoulders. Her head buries into his neck, breathing deeply only once his arms react to the hug by wrapping themselves around her waist.

"What's this for?"

"For being you," she tells him simply, her breath catching onto the skin of his neck.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah," she giggles lightly with a sniffle. "I just ran into Harrison today."

"Oh," he exhales. Matt knows all about her past with Harrison, about the awful things he'd made her feel. He'd even had a front row seat to some of it, unfortunately. His shoulders tense up a little, but he holds Sylvie gently.

"I know it's been a long time since all of that stuff went down with him but it has a way of sticking with you, you know? But I sat there the whole time and couldn't stop thinking about how lucky I am to have you. Everything with him was exciting but dangerous and heartbreaking. You're different. You're a good man, Matt Casey," she tells him quietly, referencing Violet's story from last year that she'd eventually told him about. "You've shown me what love can feel like."

He doesn't know what to say at first. She doesn't need to be looking him in the eye to know when he's taken aback by something. But his hands flatten over her back, rubbing circles on it before moving to kiss her on the head. "You've shown me what love can feel like," he echoes. Not because he has to, not in the way you tell people you're good when they ask you how you are just out a reflex, but because he really means it. To Sylvie, that's beautiful.

[theshylittleelfgirl]

Whew! this idea has been in my noggin for a while now and i finally had the brain power to actually write it! Horaaay for BIG BRAIN! If you liked this story please be sure to leave a comment to let me know if i should continue it or if you liked it, There's going to be some spelling errors i pray that you forgive that! It is awfully late here and my brain is fried right now lol 

I added a little bit more to the story not much, It was really bothering me so i fixed it! Part 2 will be coming soon :D

Enjoy!❤

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I was sitting in Levi's office reading a book on his couch, I have finished my daily routine, I decided to spend my free time with levi.

But that short fucker was To busy doing paperwork.

We haven't had sex in like a year....A Year!

I was always trying to get him in the mood, running my fingers up his sides in the morning trying to make my intentions clearer, but apparently he got all huffy and said 'Quit pestering me brat, I'm trying to sleep here.' and then he would roll back on his side facing away from me.

'What a rude shithead' i huffed.

Then an idea popped in my head, it was getting pretty late maybe just maybe we can have sex and fall asleep cuddling, It would usually help the both of us relax after a long day.

"Hey levi?" i said in an innocent voice.

"What?" he said irritated he looked up at me briefly then back down at his paperwork.

I strutted over to him standing behind his chair massaging his shoulders unbuttoning the top of his shirt ghosting my fingers over his collarbone. "I'm going to get ready for bed, why don't you join me?" i whispered seductively into his ear. "Maybe i can show you how flexible i've become." i nipped his earlobe.

"No, I can't leave this paperwork you go ahead and lay down." his face remained stoic not phased in the slightest.

I growled and stood in front of his desk slamming my hands down but not getting his attention what so ever "All you ever do is paperwork levi! i get its part of your job but fuck! we haven't had sex in a year, A Fucking Year Levi! i've tried everything to get your attention but you continuously refuse my advances, What do i have to do? Write "Fuck Me" on my forehead to get your attention?" i panted after my rant my face red with anger.

He finally looked at me for the first time this night his icy glare pierced through me like a dagger. "If all you want to do is spread your legs then your not fit to be in the scouts, You want to be fucked so bad? then go find someone else to do the job, I got priorities to attend to and you aren't one of them, Now shut the fuck up and leave me the hell alone!" he snarls when he was met with silence only then did he realize he fucked up, "Y/n, I-i.." he couldn't muster up the courage to apologize for his shitty words.

Hair fell in front of my eyes "If that's what you really think of me then i think our relationship is officially over Captain, I won't bother you ever again." i went into 'our' room grabbing a bag i began stuffing my belongings toiletries,clothes,drawings into said bag. He heard the dresser jores being opened and closed 'Shit! she's going to leave! do something moron!' he jumped out of his chair rushing into the room and saw me packing my things. "Y/n, baby, Wait please i didn't mean what i said i swear, I'm just stressed that's all." he tried placing a hand on my shoulder i shrugged it off. "Don't." i said darkly "Don't fucking touch me." once my things were packed i swung my bag on my shoulder walking right past him not sparing him a glance.

I reached the door i felt him grab my arm i halted my movements. "Please don't do this." he begged.

I ripped my arm out of his grip "I hope your paperwork can keep you warm at night, Captain, because i won't be anymore, Asshole." i opened the door slowly shutting it not wanting to wake up the other soldiers.

I walked the dark halls trying to find hanji's room 'I should of brought a lantern with me.' once i knew i was far enough away from levi's room i slid down a wall it was only then that his words started to sink in 'Asshole...what a fuckin asshole! Mikasa warned me about him why didn't i listen to her? god i'm so stupid.' i laid my bag beside me hugging my knee's to my chest i sighed 'I tried so hard to see his side on things, To understand his pain what he went through, Understanding how he was about as romantic as a cactus, His cleaning obsession's, I tried so hard for him.' I buried my face in my knee's silent tears fell down my face.

I began to sob 'Why would he say something so fucking cruel?!' hugging my knee's tighter i began to shake.

"Y/n?" he deep masculine voice echoed in the halls.

I looked up to see a bright orange light illuminate a tall manly figure then i looked up to their face.

"Erwin?" my voice cracked

"Y/n, What happened? your eyes are almost swollen shut." he kneeled in front of me.

"Levi he....he." tears began to pour from my eyes. "He hates me, He thinks i'm some kind of whore who will spread her legs openly for any man, He told me i wasn't fit for the scouts, that i'm basically a burden on him." i sobbed into my hands shaking even harder.

Erwin sighs "Levi has always had a sharp tongue sometimes he doesn't think things through clearly." he looked to your side and noticed a bag. "You have no where to sleep, Why don't you come into my office and you can take my bed i'll take the couch, How does that sound?" he gently placed a hand on your shoulder.

I looked up at him tears still falling from my eyes. "I'm not going to kick you out of your own room Erwin, i wouldn't feel right doing that to you." you looked away embarrassed that the commander saw you in this state, but he's seen me like this countless times he and i were friends after all we would share our burdens over a glass of whiskey once in a while.

He took my small hands into his calloused ones and squeezed them reassuringly "I have no problem with sleeping on the couch, I hardly ever use the bed anyways, So you wouldn't be taking anything away from me." he smiled gently.

I looked into his calm ocean eyes i hesitated for a minute but nodded "Okay, i will if it's truly no problem." sighing knowing there was no arguing with him.

"Its settled then, Lets get you to bed, You must be exhausted." He let go of my hands and stood up he lent his hand to me, I took it and he helped me stand noticing my tear stained cheeks he reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a handkerchief he offered it to me.

I took it from him and gently began dabbing the soft fabric on my eyes and cheeks, I offered it back to him and he held up his hand "Keep it, You need it more then i do, Besides i have a million of those things in my dresser." he chuckled picking up the lantern.

A small smile formed on my lips i nodded stuffing the handkerchief into my pocket.

"Shall we then? you'll catch your death in this cold hallway." he inclined his head in the direction of his room/office.

I reached down and grabbed my bag off of the floor slinging it over my shoulder once more.

"Lets go." i simply said erwin began walking down the dark hallways if it wasn't for his lantern lighting the way i would of been lost forever in these damnable stone hallways.

"If you don't mind me asking, Why was he being so harsh this time? not that i'm excusing those awful untrue things he said." eyes glued to the steps in front of him.

I looked away from his back my voice deeply saddens. "I just wanted him to come to bed and relax with me, I'm sorry if this is to much info but we always made love and then we would cuddle afterwards whenever he was stressed and he was extremely stressed tonight, so i offered to help him relax and that's when he..." i choked down my sob breathing rapidly.

"E-erwin do you think he's...?" i couldn't finish the words 'Would he stoop so low that he would cheat on me? Am i not enough for him anymore? does he take me for a woman who would sleep around with other men? Why would he say those horrible things to me? What have i done wrong other then try to love him flaws and all?' a million thoughts ran through my mind, i felt a weight on my head i looked up to see erwin looking at me sadly he ruffled my hair.

"No, Levi is definitely not the type to run around, He really loves you y/n, I bet he feels absolutely awful for what he said and i imagine he's beating himself up over it, Levi is a tough person to get along with but you have dedicated your heart and soul to him, He wouldn't throw that away just for some random woman, Not only are you the bravest most loyal soldier your the most kindest caring person as well, That's a rare thing in these times, He's lucky to have someone like you y/n." he took his hand away so he could look into my eyes.

I began to tear up again. "His words cut me deep erwin, I don't know when or if i'll ever forgive him, his hurtful words are still fresh in my mind, But i do appreciate what you said to me, That's probably the nicest thing i have heard in a while." i smiled through the tears.

He nods. "Its going to take some time for you to heal and that's completely understandable, You are more then welcome to stay in my room for as long as you want to, But if you ever feel uncomfortable, Hanji isn't that far from where i am, She would more then welcome you to stay, Just be prepared to be interrogated she doesn't give up easily." he sighs

"I'm fully aware." I giggled a little taking the handkerchief dabbing my eyes again.

He smiled and began walking again i followed him looking back into the dark hallway wondering what he's doing right now, i sighed directing my head towards the back of the commander.

Unbeknownst to you, Levi lingered behind one of the archways (is that what they call it? its 3am give me a break lol) listening in on yours and erwins chat.

He clenched his hands into a tight fist knuckles whitening. "I fucked up, Now eyebrows is going to take her away from me, I'm such a fool." he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I have to fix this, No, I Need to fix this, But how? i'm clearly shit at my words." he sighed

"Maybe hanji can help?" he started to feel hopeful, he was either desperate or crazy to even consider help from the mad scientist, Definitely crazy.

With his mind made up, He pushed off the archway(?) looking at that orange light fade away into the darkness once more he turned away and began walking back to his room.

"Please don't give up on me y/n." he pleaded.

To Be Continued.

[p5youllneverseeitcoming]

Mwahahaha >:D Thanks to the S/O’s traumatic fear of hospitals post I now have an idea! As a sequel to it, can I get Headcanons where Akira and Akechi get critically injured (from Metaverse or an accident I dunno) & they have their own death experiences while in the hospital/ER (they survive thanks to the promises they made with their S/O but still) and their worried S/O visits?

*Casually posts this at 3am* I return from the Super Mega Hell I call transcribing interviews to bring you this

Also… Uh very minor Royal spoilers I guess? In Royal there’s a chance that Mementos is completely dark when you go to one floor but that’s it

As for Akechi’s part… Spoilers for the seventh palace (for vanilla P5) so just incase anyone here is not up to this part I put his part under the cut!

Akira Kurusu & Goro Akechi getting injured and having a near death experience with a S/O who is scared of hospitals for that exact reason

Akira Kurusu:

> Everything was going rather smoothly

> You were in Mementos, taking care of a few requests

> But eventually, you got to a floor that was particularly confusing… And completely pitch black

> “Um Joker? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this broken wall like three times already.” Skull said as he pressed his face against the window 

> “Did I make a wrong turn? No but… I went right and…” Joker muttered to himself as he mentally tried to recall the path he took

> “Should we go back to where we were?” You asked as you squinted trying to see anything in the darkness

> “I’m not exactly opposed to that idea but um, where exactly would that be?” Asked Fox

> “Navi, can you see anything?” Noir asked as she turned to the hacker

> The girl opened her mouth to answer only to be cut off by something no one wanted to hear

> Rattling chains

> “That doesn’t sound good…” Crow said as he leaned forward to grip the driver seat

> “Joker we have to-” Mona began to say

> He didn’t get a chance to finish however as moments later, the Mona car was knocked over causing the Thieves to scream in fear and tumble out

> “Do we even stand a chance?” You asked as you gripped your weapon and looked at the Shadow before you

> The Reaper was… Well, terrifying

> “We don’t really have much of a choice.” Crow replied as he raised his saber

> “Get ready everyone!” Joker called as he rushed towards the Shadow

> You were hitting it with everything you had

> Magic, melee attacks, guns… Even Almighty attacks

> But it seemed like that was barely effecting him

> And what’s worse, you were running out of items

> “Joker…” You say as you turn to him

> Everyone is exhausted, all of you are breathing heavily, trying your best just to stay conscious

> You watch Joker, the leader, your boyfriend, lets out a shaky breath as he turns to Mona

> “Mona… Turn into the car and… Please… Get them out of here.”

> “’Them’? Wait, Joker you don’t-”

> “Please.”

> “No, Joker, you can’t be ser-”

> “I leave you in charge of driving, [Code name].” He says before turning back to the Shadow and aiming his gun at it

> “Wait!-”

> “See you at the entrance.” He says with a smile as he fires a couple of times before turning and sprinting in the opposite direction of the Thieves

> “We- I- We have to-” You stutter out as you turn to try and run after him but then you feel someone’s hand on your shoulder

> “Joker gave you a task to do didn’t he?” Crow says as he gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze

> “But…” You say, tears making your vision blurry

> “Come now, this is Joker we’re talking about, I’m sure he meant what he said.”

> You sniffle quietly before nodding

> “You’re r-right.. Let’s go, everyone.”

~~~

> It’s silent on the way back

> You glance over at Crow who is sitting in the passenger seat and notice that his expression is a lot more… Different than usual

> You’re used to seeing his signature polite yet charming smile but this time he looks…

> Scared.

> Does that mean?…

> No, don’t think like that. This is Joker we’re talking about. I mean… This man runs across rooftops without the slightest care there’s no way he could be defeated…

> Right?

> After a bit more driving you eventually manage to reach the first floor

> But instead of going up the last platform you stop, just right before it 

> “Hm? [Code name]?” Queen says as she leans forward a bit

> “I- I want to wait for him.” You say, trying your best to keep your voice from shaking

> You can almost feel everyone turn to look at you but instead of saying anything else you just grip the wheel a bit tighter

> “… Okay.” Crow says after what feels like ages, “let’s wait five minutes and then go up, alright?”

> You nod and bite your lip

> You can’t cry right now, because Joker is fine, and if Joker is fine, then there’s no need to cry

> You repeat these words over and over like a mantra but…

> … Five minutes pass, and Joker is nowhere to be seen.

> You let out a shaky exhale as you grip the wheel once more

> “We-” you begin as you shut your eyes “we have to go up.”

> No one says anything, but it doesn’t matter

> You know everyone’s thinking the same thing.

> You watch as the other Thieves slowly climb out of the Mona car, supporting any of the members that can’t quite find the strength to stand anymore

> Once you’re all out, Mona quickly turns back into his usual form and quickly walks up to you

> “[Code name], let’s go.” He says tugging at your outfit lightly 

> You give a quick nod before finally climbing up the stairs

> You’re exhausted and you wish for nothing more than to collapse on your bed and sleep for about a week

> But what you see as soon as you climb the final step makes you instantly break out into a sprint

> Leaning against the wall is… Joker

> His clothes are torn and there’s blood everywhere but he’s really there

> He’s alive

> “Hey, what took you so lo-” He says before you knock the air out of his lungs as you collide into him

> “Oh my God.” You mutter into his chest as you wrap your arms around him tightly

> You hear him hiss which can’t mean anything good but you feel one of his hands slowly rise until its settled on your back

> “Joker! Y-you made it!” Skull shouts as he hobbles as quickly as he can towards you

> “Oh my, you look horrible!” Noir exclaims as she quickly glances at him

> “We need to get him medical help, now.” Crow says as he glances towards the entrance

> “Yes, um, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital again…” Queen mutters more to herself than anyone else

> “Come on guys…” Joker begins, his voice a lot quieter than before, “I’m fi…” 

> He doesn’t get to finish his sentence, instead he just slumps forward causing you to stumble as you try to keep the two of you upright

> “Oh no, Akira! Akira wake up!” You shout as you shake him slightly

~~~

> When he opens his eyes again, he finds himself in a dark room

> He groans quietly as he turns his head to try and get a better understanding of his surroundings

> Upon closer inspection, he notices that this isn’t just a ‘dark room’, it’s a prison cell

> Or to be more exact, his prison cell

> Wait then that means that I’m…

> “How did I end up here?” He mutters as he slowly sits up and stares at the all too familiar bars

> “Hm? Oh my,”

> “So you finally woke up huh, Inmate?!”

> Akira watches as the twin wardens turn and face him at the same time

> “How did I get here?” He asked

> Instead of an answer, Akira just hears a deep chuckle

> “This place exists between mind and matter… I believe this should be enough to answer your question.”

> It really isn’t but okay

> “Don’t look at our Master with such a dumb expression Inmate!” Caroline says as she slams the bars with her baton

> “Caroline, I don’t believe this was his intention.” Justine says with her usual calm voice “I suppose he is simply confused.”

> “… Am I dead?” Akira asks turning his head towards Justine

> “Not exactly.” She answers as she glances at her clipboard

> “It seems you’re too stubborn to die, maybe you do have potential after all.” Caroline adds as a small smile appears on her lips

> “Your friends also seem very determined to keep you alive, they’re the reason why you woke up.” Justine says

> “My friends?” Akira asks 

> “They practically dragged you to the nearest hospital! You should thank them for all their efforts!” Caroline says with an angry expression

> “Yes, it seems the bond you share is truly something special.” Justine says with a polite smile

> “Yeah, so stop wasting time and wake up already!” Caroline says before slamming the bars with the baton once more

~~~

> Once again, Akira finds himself opening his eyes

> Only this time, he’s staring at a white ceiling as opposed to a dark prison cell

> Also this time instead of the sound of water dripping, he hears beeps

> Turning his head to confirm his suspicions, he finds a monitor showing his heartrate

> Huh, so he really is in a hospital

> “Akira?”

> “[Name]?”

> He tries to turn his head back but before he can you’re already leaning over him

> “I was so worried… You- You collapsed so I- I tried to wake you up but you…” You practically sob these words out

> “Hey, hey [Name] it’s okay, take a deep breath and try to calm down okay?” Akira says as he raises a hand up to your cheek

> You hate hospitals, he knows that

> Yet here you are, right by his side

> He must’ve made you really worried if you managed to conquer one of your greatest fears

> He makes a mental note of how he will have to make this up to you once he gets out 

> “You stopped breathing Akira.” You cry out as tears make their way down your cheeks

> Oh God, how does he even respond to something like that?

> “… I did?”

> Wow, congratulations dumbass.

> “Yes! I- We- Doctor Takemi… Oh God…” 

> “[Name], [Name], hey, it’s okay, breathe with me okay? Come on, deep breath in…” Akira says before taking a deep breath

> You let out a few more sobs before trying your best to copy him

> Once you do, he smiles softly and deeply breathes out, hoping you will do the same

> The two of you continue this for a while, and eventually you manage to calm down

> “Good, it’s okay now [Name], I’m okay.”

> “Please don’t… Don’t ever do that again.”

> He nods as he strokes your cheek again

> “I promise.”

Goro Akechi:

> “Long time no see” Crow says to the group before his eyes land on you

> You couldn’t help but look away

> This wasn’t how it was meant to be

> You knew what he was planning, but you always thought hoped that you would be able to change his mind

> You quietly listen as Crow talks to the group and clench your fist when he tells you about Shido being his father 

> Panther gives you a quick worried glance but you just raise your head and look directly at Crow

> “Why? Why must you be against us? We- We could’ve-”

> “Let’s finish this.” Joker says cutting you off

~~~

> It doesn’t take long for you to defeat the enemies 

> “Goro…” You mutter quietly as you raise your hand slightly

> But then, something you never expected happens

> You watch as that mysterious persona, who you now know as Loki, appears once more and transforms Crow’s pristine white outfit into a dark blue and black costume, the small red cape turning into a ripped up black fabric and his pure white gloves turning black with talon like fingertips

> “You’re going down… I’ll destroy you…. Go down with me!” Crow shouts as more of the red mist surrounds him

> “That bastard, he made himself go psychotic!” Skull says reaching for his weapon

> “No…” You say as you stare in disbelief

> “[Codename] I know this is hard for you but you need to focus right now. You can’t let him win.” Queen says as she places a hand on your shoulder

> You take a shaky breath and nod

> She’s right. You can’t lose here, you need to snap some sense back into him afterall

~~~

> “Change Shido’s heart… In my stead… End his crimes… Please!…”

> “Leave it to me.” Joker answers staring at the partition

> “We can’t…” You begin as you look from one Thief to another

> “Isn’t there some way to get this open?!” Panther says as she glances at Mona

> That’s when you hear the gunshots

> You can’t help but cry out in shock, one hand flying up to cover your mouth

> You realise the others are talking but you just stare at the partiton, tears flowing down your cheeks

> You don’t move, at least not until Fox physically has to drag you away from the partition

> You don’t really know how long the group has been walking to reach the exit, but then again, you don’t really care about that

> You’re still crying when you return to the real world, only this time there’s no mask to hide your tears

> Your face feels hot, and your head hurts which must mean you look like an absolute wreck right now

> Once again, you notice the Thieves are talking but you don’t listen

> After a couple of minutes, you notice that some of the members are slowly shuffling away and heading off in different directions

> Soon enough, it’s just you and Akira left

> “[F/n].” Akira says, as he turns to look at you “I’ll walk you home, okay?”

> You shake your head at that, mentally cursing at the shooting pain you feel moment after

> “… Here…” You practically choke out

> “Huh? I’m sorry I-”

> “I’m staying… Here…” You repeat, hand vaguely gesturing at the Diet Building

> Akira looks at you for a solid minute before nodding a few times

> “Okay… But [F/n]-”

> “I’ll go home… Later.” You say cutting him off 

> “Right.” He replies as he turn to walk towards the station “I’m sorry.”

> You listen to his footsteps for a little while, but then… There is silence.

> You’re pretty sure you’re out of tears by now, so you decide to wipe your face with both hands

> You need to calm down, crying won’t solve this

> You take a few minutes to just breathe and eventually, you feel yourself shaking a lot less

> Why did this have to happen?

> No, asking this is pointless now

> You look at the Diet Building once more and bite your lip

> Before you can fully comprehend what you’re doing, you find yourself marching towards it

> You really wish your weapon wasn’t just a plastic imitation in the real world

> Then again, what could you possibly do?

> Maybe you could-

> “Hm?” You hum to yourself as you take a closer look at the wall

> Due to it being early evening, there isn’t much natural light left but you’re pretty sure there’s something smeared on the wall

> Not only that, it seems almost like… There’s some sort of trail?

>… Wait, is that?

> You cautiously touch it with your finger before bringing it back for closer examination

> T-This is…!

> Before you can fully process why there’s blood on the wall you hear the nearby bushes rustle

> You move one hand close to your bag ready to pull out your plastic weapon as you take a few steps closer

> “Who’s there?” You ask

> “Don’t be… Stu-” The voice begins before coughing violently

> “G-Go…”

> “Mm…”

> You quickly drop your bag and use your hands to carefully move away the leaves

> Sure enough, there’s the Detective Prince, Goro Akechi, your boyfriend, lying in a small pool of his own blood

> “How- No, wait- Erm- Hospital.” You sayas you quickly move one hand towards your pocket to retrieve your phone

> “Heh…” Akechi coughs out as a small smile appears on his lips

~~~

> You were pacing the hospital hall back and forth for hours

> Despite your constant pleading, the doctors told you that you can’t be in the room

> Your hands are constantly fidgeting and the amount of times you bit your lip caused you to draw a bit of blood

> You hate this place, you would much rather be anywhere but here…

> But you can’t leave him. You won’t leave him.

> “[L/n] - san?” 

> You look up at the sound of your name 

> “Yes?” You ask as your eyes land on the doctor

> “You can go see him now, but…”

> “But what?” You ask as your eyes widen 

> “He’s in a coma.”

> You nod and give a quick thanks before walking into the room

> Your hands are shaking again

> Calm down [F/n], just breathe

> You take a deep breathand slowly step towards his bed

> Goro is wrapped in so many bandages but he’s alive

> “Goro…” You whisper as you gently stroke one of his hands “you absolute fool…”

> You stay with him until visiting hours are over

> But you return the next day

> And the day after

> It’s not until the 3rd day that he actually wakes up

> The first thing he does when he wakes up is raise one hand slightly and flex his fingers

> “Hm.” He hums looking at his hand

> “Oh my God… Goro, how are you-”

> “Terrible.” He says with an annoyed expression

> “I thought you… You know…” You say as you turn to fully look at him

> “I almost did.” He answers, a hint of sadness in his voice 

> There’s a moment of silence before he speaks up again

> “It was… A strange experience.”

> “Huh? How so?”

> He coughs before answering

> “I’m not sure how to explain it,” he says before clearing his throat “I saw… A blue room?” 

> You frown at him, clearly confused

> “Don’t look at me like that… I told you I don’t know how to describe it.” He says, his eyes scanning your face

> “Ah, um, sorry.”

> “You know, I can’t say for sure but… I thought I heard your voice in there.”

> “Hm?.. Wh- What did it say?”

> “You said I’m too stubborn to die, especially in that asshole’s Palace, plus, I heard you crying.”

> You let out a small laugh at that

> “Well, it’s not wrong.”

> “There’s no need to cry over me. I told you, I’m not wanted, I’m a backstabber, a traitor.”

> You click your tounge at that as you reach for both of his hands and squeeze them lightly

> “That’s wrong. You may have betrayed the Phantom Thieves but you are wanted. I want to be with you.”

> “[F/n]…”

> “I… I can’t say I forgive you for what you did, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to abandon you!”

> Goro doesn’t answer

> Instead, he just squeezes back

[esmealux]

Bloody Hell

Part: 1 / 2

Setting: After 5a

Word count: 3K

Rating: T

Summary: Lucifer’s first period.

The elevator dings as Lucifer reaches the penthouse. ‘And the Devil’s back! I found your breakfast burritos and now a guy owes me a favour, so all in all, a successful trip,’ he tells her as he takes off his jacket and places it on the bar. With Chloe’s breakfast in hand, he turns towards his sofa to grin at her, only to discover she isn’t lying there, closer to ‘naked’ than ‘dressed’, like she was when he left to fetch her some food.

‘Detective?’ he calls out, walking up the steps to his bedroom. The bed is empty apart from the crumbled black silk sheets and her bra. His heart starts drumming a little faster against his ribcage.

‘Detective, where are you?’ His voice is rough and squeaky, the words almost resonating off the walls in the silent penthouse. Much too silent.

He starts searching the entire place, looking for signs of struggle and clues that’ll show him which one of his wretched siblings has kidnapped her this time. After investigating the living room and balcony thoroughly, turning every piece of furniture, looking behind every curtain, he goes back to his bedroom to check if she’s miraculously popped up. When she (still) isn’t under the bed, he’s inflamed, his annoyance and anxiety building into infernal heat, spreading through his body like a wildfire. ‘Detective, I swear to you, I will punish whoever-’

‘Lucifer, calm down,’ he suddenly hears her say, her voice muffled. The sound has relief washing over him, calming down his blazing body. ‘I’m in here.’

As he realises she’s in the bathroom, he hurriedly strides down the hall, presses his body to the door, and yanks down the handle. It’s locked. Panic still hot in his throat, he clenches his hand around the gold, ready to break in when she snaps at him from behind the door. ‘Jesus, Lucifer, what have I told you about privacy?!’

He wants to comment on her choice of exclamation, but something in her voice stops him. ‘Right. Sorry, Detective.’ He puts a hand on the door, tenderly. ‘I just- Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ she assures him, still a little peeved. ‘Could you just do something for me, please?’

‘Anything your heart desires,’ he says with a grin, the last embers of fear now put out by the sound of her slightly annoyed (and thus natural) voice.

‘Well, I really desire that you find my purse and bring it to me. I think I put it on the bar.’

He frowns, thinking. ‘Uhm, no. You didn’t. In fact, it’s not anywhere in the penthouse, I’m afraid.’

‘Wha- You already looked?’ she asks, surprised.

‘Well, technically, yes.’

He hears her mutter something along the lines of ‘what does that even mean?’ before she, quite sceptically, asks, ‘Are you sure? Lucifer, I’m not in the mood for pranks right now.’

When are you ever? he thinks, still disappointed she didn’t appreciate his creativity last time he tried to lighten the mood. But he’s not looking to rouse her now, so he tells her the truth, hoping it will allay her annoyance, inexplicable as he finds it. ‘If you really must know, I spent five full minutes searching the entire place for signs that you’d been hurt by one of my pathetic relatives, so yes, Detective, I am pretty damn sure your little too big and quite mum-ish bag isn’t here,’ he tells her. He hears her grunt a profanity he’s only ever heard her moan ecstatically in the throes of passion; now it’s laced with frustration and despair. Something is going on with her, and he needs to figure out what it is before she ruins more of his favourite words.

‘Why on Earth do you need your rucksack in my bathroom anyway?’

‘It’s not a rucksack,’ she tells him.

‘Ah, nice try! But I will not let you deflect my truly relevant question. What is it you need, Detective?’ He tries again, more inquisitively this time.

No answer.

His brow creases with worry and the slightest hint of an ache settles in his chest. ‘What’s going on?’

Several heart beats pass. He tries to remain patient but after seven seconds, his hands are banging on the door and yanking down the antique French handle aggressively. ‘Detective, let me in please! Did you use the razor Maze made you? I told you not to do that! Are you hurt? Did you trip? Do you have a nosebleed? Dearie me, did you get yourself poisoned again? I- Just please tell me what’s wrong. Whatever it is, I want to help,’ he says, his voice going softer towards the end. With anyone else, he’s not easily alarmed, but the Devil’s girlfriend does tend to get herself into danger a little more often than the average person.

He hears her sigh, short and sharply. ‘If you want to help me, you need to calm down,’ she tells him in the same slow and placid voice she uses on people who are bold enough to point a gun at her. ‘I’m fine.’

He takes a deep, shaky breath, her words easing his nerves a little.

‘Then why are you acting so… strange? And why in Dad’s name are you hiding in my bathroom? I mean, bloody hell, Detective, I was mere seconds from filing an MPR!’

She snorts, murmuring something about a drama queen. Then silence. A deep breath.

‘Well,’ she finally says, still an annoyed edge to her tone. ‘‘Bloody hell’ is not that far off, actually.’

He knits his brow. ‘Excuse me?’

She sighs deeply behind the door. ‘It’s just, uhm, you know… lady stuff.’

He blinks, dumbfounded.

‘Oh,’ is what he replies.

He would tease her about the euphemism, pretend he doesn’t understand, but he understands. He understands everything. Thinking back to the night before, he remembers her acting a little oddly then as well - giggly and gleeful one moment, fractious and bitter the next. He’d blamed it on her tipsiness, but now that he thinks about it, and does the math, she did take him hostage on a similar emotional rollercoaster ride, one, two, three, circa four weeks ago. And, yes, four weeks before that, too. The first time, he’d thought it was the stress from having her mother stay over for the urchin’s birthday. The second time, he’d indicted the particularly troubling case they’d been working. But it hadn’t (solely) been Penelope Decker nor a frustrating and possibly record-breaking number of dead ends that had made the Detective chaotically jump around the emotional spectrum to the point he’d worried she was suffering from a light personality disorder. No, apparently, it was the tiny rascals known to humans as ‘hormones’ who’d been wreaking havoc in her brain, manipulating her emotions – then and now.

He hasn’t uttered anything apart from the one (cleverly phrased) syllable since the revelation, and she must interpret his silence as lack of comprehension, because she begins to explain the bloody thing: ‘You know, when a woman-’

‘Yes, thank you, Detective, I am familiar with the concept of menstruation. Quite popular method of torture in Hell, actually,’ he informs her, cutting her biology lesson short.

‘Tell me about it.’

‘Well, surprisingly, it’s mostly-’

‘That was a rhetorical- Never mind.’

He hears more than just annoyance in her voice now; she’s in pain. His chest aches again. ‘Is something wrong? I mean, I have met a lot of women whose deepest desires were to be knocked out cold during Aunt Flo’s monthly visit, but at least we know for certain there isn’t a mini-Satan inside you, ravaging your uterus,’ he points out in an attempt to cheer her up. It’s mostly a joke, because it shouldn’t be possible—isn’t possible—and yet a part of him is still exceedingly relieved that she, after three weeks of thoroughly unprotected (and sinfully delectable) sex with him, isn’t carrying, well, the Devil’s spawn.

‘Kinda feels like someone’s ravaging my uterus,’ she says with a groan. His heart starts pounding, hard and deafening. Dark spots appear before his eyes as blood leaves his head.

‘I- that’s not- what?’

‘No, Lucifer. Relax. I’m not pregnant.’ She tries to sound mild and calm, but he can tell she’s aggravated, and horribly pained. ‘It’s just cramps.’

‘Oh, right,’ he mumbles, a full-blown panic attack officially averted. Still, something in her voice makes his teeth grit and his eyes flare red. He wants to punish whatever in her body is putting her through such… torture, wants to torture it back. Or, since he can’t really do that, just have a quick chat with his father and whoever assisted him in designing the inhumanly excruciating menstrual cramps. (And humans think the Devil is the one who’s truly evil.) But he realises a family discussion might not actually help his suffering Detective right now, so instead he wills his voice to sound calm and asks her, ‘Is there anything I can do?’

As he waits, quite impatiently, for her answer, he pulls out his phone and googles ‘what to do when your girlfriend’s surfing the crimson wave.’ He’s about to tap on the top hit when she replies, ‘Uhm, well, yes, there is, actually.’ Her words both surprise and delight him. He loves to feel needed.

‘Lovely! Whatever you need, I’m here to fix it as your very own PA.’  He puts his phone back, letting his hand stay in his pocket, and clarifies, ‘Period Assistant.’ As usual, she rudely ignores his clever play on words.

‘Okay, I just need to know if you have any… stuff? Like, maybe Eve had a stash somewhere?’

‘Stuff?’ he asks, beyond clueless as to what she’s hinting at.

‘Yeah, you know-’ she starts explaining when he interrupts her, suddenly remembering. ‘Well, come to think of it, Eve did indeed have a stash!’

‘She did?’ She sounds relieved, and it makes his heart flutter a little. ‘Do you know where? ‘Cause I searched all your cabinets, but I couldn’t find anything.’

‘Uh, I’m pretty sure it’s in my bookshelf,’ he says, already turning to go find it. ‘Would you prefer marijuana or molly?’

‘For God’s sake, Lucifer!’ she screams behind him, the door between them doing very little to lower the sound. ‘I don’t need freaking party drugs! This,’ she says, breathing angrily. A couple of seconds pass. ‘This is what I need.’

A tissue slides out under the door. With a raised eyebrow, he bends down to pick it up and sees that she’s scribbled some words on it with what appears to be an eyeliner. He doesn’t know what any of them mean. Well, ‘ibuprofen’ and ‘don’t be an ass’ he understands, but the rest are foreign to him.

‘Right, are these strippers’ names, or…? I think I’ve made a deal with an Always once, actual-’

‘They’re feminine hygiene products, Lucifer! I need feminine hygiene products! I want you to go buy me a whole lot I can leave in here, so I’ll never need to have this conversation ever again!’ she shouts, fuming all of a sudden. ‘So go out, and get me some tampons and pads—and that’s pads with wings! ‘Cause I swear to God, Lucifer, if you come back with pads that do not have wings, I might actually cut off your d-’

‘Yes, we get the picture, Detective!’ he cuts her off, chuckling nervously. It’s not that he hasn’t experienced his partner pissed before (he calls it Tuesday as a matter of fact), but she’s never threatened to mutilate him. ‘Whatever you need,’ he appeases her, his voice sweet and velvety. ‘Anything else?’ He reads the list she has given him, carefully paying attention to every request this time. ‘Right, ibuprofen for the- yes, your cramps. I’m afraid I’ve run out, but I’m sure I can get some wherever I’ll find,’—he squints his eyes to focus on the words — ‘Always ultra thin super long pads with flexie-wings and… Tampax pearl compak super. I mean, who the Hell names these things? Not that it matters, of course. If that’s what you need, that’s what you’ll get,’ he assures her.

As he studies her order closely one more time, his stomach growls and he realises that neither of them has eaten anything yet. He immediately offers to bring her breakfast to her; surely, her body needs alle the strength it can get to overcome whatever unpleasant side-effects other than dysmenorrhea his oh, so benevolent father has so generously granted the female population of the Earth.

‘Yes, please,’ she croaks meekly behind the door in response to his offer. ‘That would be nice.’

He goes to retrieve the burritos from atop the piano where he’d dropped them in the haste of his search. Once he’s back with them, he—gently—knocks on the door. After a couple of seconds, he hears the key turn before she opens the door just enough to reach out her arm through the crack. He’s about to give her the branded paper bag, when he thinks twice of it and instead takes her hand in his, entwining their fingers. Softly, he strokes the back of her hand and pulls it lightly, prompting her to come out. When she opens the door a little more, the sight that greets him stings his heart. Exhaustion has coloured the skin beneath her eyes purple and her usually ocean blue eyes a matte grey. Her posture is oddly sunken, like she wants to curl into a ball, and her chest heaves as she breathes heavily. She looks truly miserable, and yet she’s still a sight for sore eyes, as she stands there, wearing one of his white Prada shirts and…

‘Are those… my boxers?’ he asks her with a raised eyebrow and a pleased smile. She looks down to where his eyes have just landed. ‘Well, yeah, I couldn’t- my own underwear…,’ she trails off. ‘I’ve lined them with paper towels, just so I don’t, you know. I hope it’s okay.’ She looks strangely sheepish. He leans over to place a kiss on her forehead. ‘Oh, it’s more than okay. It’s sexy,’ he tells her with a grin. ‘And quite cute, to be frank.’

She chuckles, replacing the ache in his chest with a pleasant, buzzing warmth. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use the word “cute” before,’ she points out, looking up at him through her long eyelashes as she leans her forehead against his. He notices the hint of a smile on her lips, and his own smile grows wider. ‘Well, you’ve never worn my underwear before,’ he reminds her, nuzzling her nose. ‘Mmm, that is true.’ Her voice is nothing but a whisper as she leans just an inch forward to get a kiss from him, which he happily he gives her.

‘Why don’t you draw yourself a nice, hot bath,’ he proposes, booping her nose. Then an image from Jaws invades his mind, and warily, but with a glint in his eyes, he adds, ‘Unless that would make a true bloodbath.’ She pulls away from him, slowly but purposefully. Untangling their hands, she crosses her arms across her chest (he tries not to notice how it makes her cleavage deliciously peek out behind his hardly buttoned shirt). She glares at him with a look which, historically, means they will be communicating exclusively in scoffs, snorts, death stares and well, I am truly sorry for whatever it is I’ve done but can we please forget about it and go back to being a dynamic duo’s the rest of the day. With a short yet undoubtedly disapproving shake of her head, she snatches the breakfast bag from his hand before slamming the door in his face. ‘Detective, I-’ he stammers as the gush of air hits his front, possibly making his yet to be tamed bed hair look even more scandalous.

He hears the rustling and crinkling of paper as she takes out her breakfast. ‘List,’ she demands sharply with her mouth full—and not in the way that had him gripping the sheets till his knuckles turned white last night. By the sound of her voice, he’ll need to do right by her if he wishes to ever experience that again.

‘Yes, darling, I’ll do nothing but my best,’ he promises her, casting a last glance at the list in question before folding it neatly into his pocket. He starts walking down the hall when the sound of his name makes him turn on his heels to face the door. He senses another reprimand and braces himself, softly offering a simple ‘Detective?’ in response.

‘Thank you.’ Her voice is sweet and apologetic, all aggravation suddenly gone.

‘What on-’ he mumbles under his breath, completely bewildered by her emotional U-turn. He’s wise enough not to comment on it, however, smiles instead, glad he can be of use, and playfully, yet still in a tone that assures her he means no harm, says, ‘Well, it’s the least I can do for my menstruating partner.’

‘Please stop saying “menstruating”,’ she tells him between bites, sounding a little brassed off again. He considers asking her why but decides against it, responding with a simple ‘Noted’ instead.

He hears the shower start running and decides to depart, wanting to be back before she’s done. ‘Alright then, off I go on my quest!’ he sings out, hoping it’s loud enough for her to hear over the shower spray, but the water stops and she calls out a ‘what?’. She has probably already stepped into the shower cabin, adorning his bathroom with all her wet and naked glory. Oh, to be a marble tile on the wall, getting an unobstructed view of her exquisite br-

‘Did you say something, honey?’ she calls again when he hasn’t replied. It’s not the first time she uses the term of endearment, but it still makes warmth pool low in his stomach. He’s so smitten—not a cell in his body can deny that anymore. Especially not the part of his body that’s currently straining his tailored slacks.

He clears his throat and shamelessly adjusts himself.

‘Hm? No, I was just announcing my exit. Try not to bleed to death while I’m gone, will you?’

‘I can’t- That’s not possi-’ she stammers behind him as he makes his way to the elevator, grabbing his jacket as he walks past the bar. Before she can finish whatever protest she’s trying to enounce, he’s already in the elevator, sending a text to Linda:

What in the ever-living Hell does ‘pads with wings’ mean?

Read part 2, ‘Granniest Panties’, here

[i-like-5sos]

First Time Saying “I Love You” [4/4 ]

Pairing: Each 5SOS boy X reader  

Word count: 3152

Warnings: Absolutely none. Pure fluff.

Summary: Four different scenarios where each of the boys confess their feeling for you for the first time. 

Michael

“What did I miss?” You ask as you walk back into your living room and reclaim your spot laying down on the couch across form Michael, resting your legs on his.

“They decided to tear the support beam down and now they’re all pissed cause the upper floor is starting to cave in.” He replies, eyes glued to the renovation show you two put on as a joke earlier in the week because you couldn’t decide what to watch- but are now somehow invested in.

“Morons” you say shaking your head at the TV while laughing.

As the two of you become entranced by the do-it-yourselfers, you both melt deeper into the couch, becoming one with the cushions. A usual occurrence for the two of you, as you both prefer staying in and vegging out with one another to going out and partying. You two have powered through so many series on Netflix that you’re sure you’ll run out of new shows to watch before the end of the year, so it comes as no surprise when the screen shows you other shows you might be interested in as the credits roll on the screen at the end of the season finale of the home renovation show.

“Oh my god. How do they just end a show like that? They literally didn’t even show us what colour paint they picked out for the kitchen.” You complain loudly. “I mean the least they could have done is give us a preview of what’s to come next season. Honestly!”

You ramble on mindlessly about the show as the previews for other shows being to play automatically, only to pause when you hear Michael mumble something softly.

“What?” you ask, trying to recall what he had said.

“Nothing” he smiles softly, his cheeks a slight shade of pink. “I- uh think we should watch this one.” He says quickly, as he searches awkwardly around the couch for the remote and pressing the select button once he finds it under his back.

You turn your attention away from him and try to focus on the introductory credits of the show Michael put on when you suddenly clue into what he had said. I love you. You played it back in your head and you were sure of it. Returning your gaze to the still-blushing boy beside you, you knew heard right. But the moment had passed, and he was now discussing the outfit choice of one of the characters on the television.

***

Two months after the unacknowledged “I love you” drop, you find yourself almost asleep, laying in Michael’s bed with his arms wrapped around you. Your breathing is soft and steady with his as you hear him softly say your name.

“Are you awake?” He whispers quietly.

Too tired to respond, you just leave him to talk as you focus on listening and trying to stay awake long enough to hear what he has to say.

All is quiet, and you begin to believe he’s given up and will just tell you whatever he has to say in the morning.

“I love you.” He breathes, almost too quiet to hear.

Your eyes open as your heart skips a beat, and you roll over to face him. His arms loosen around you, and as your eyes adjust, you take in the look of shock on his face.

“I- uh… I thought you were asleep” Michael says, clearly embarrassed and very vulnerable having exposed his feelings.

“Michael, I love you too.” You smile, leaning in to kiss him.

 Luke

You look around your colourfully lit bedroom as you mindlessly play with the rings on Luke’s hand as the two of you sit together on your bed. You’ve always loved the look of Christmas lights on your walls and the calming feeling they provide.

“I’ve got an idea” Luke says, suddenly breaking the comfortable silence between the two of you.

“What’s that?” You ask, tuning your attention to look at the blue-eyed boy laying on the bed next to you.

“Let’s play Three Truths.” He suggests.

The two of you have been playing Three Truths since you first started talking. You had once suggested that you both play “Two Truths and A Lie” but he had insisted that he didn’t want you both to have to lie to one another, thus Three Truths was born. Together, you and Luke had decided that the only rule for the game was that everything you say must be true, and the other person couldn’t react to what you say until your turn ends. The two of you hadn’t played that game for a while now, but you were always open to learning more about your boyfriend.

“Okay, sure!” You say, excited to hear what he would come up with.

“You go first.” He says with a soft smile.

“I totally wasn’t prepared for this” You shake your head, “but let’s go with um… Okay, I’ve got it. Truth number one: I don’t want to have leftovers for dinner again tomorrow night. I would rather you cook something.” You watch as he shrugs and nods his head. “Truth number two: I sometimes untune your guitars because I think it’s hot watching you tune them… and truth number three: I think I want to dye my hair again.” You twist the rings on his fingers before looking at him again.

“Do you really do that to my guitars?” He asks in disbelief.

“Sometimes.” You flash him an apologetic smile and laugh as he shakes his head.

“What am I going to do with you.” He says, before kissing you on the forehead.

“Luke, it’s your turn.” You point out with enthusiasm.

“Alright… Let me think” His brow furrows as you watch him try to come up with something truthful to say. “Okay, I’ve got it! Truth number one: I ate the last of your chocolate bar this morning while you were asleep.”

“I knew it!” You shout and push him gently with your free hand.

“Hey! No talking! Wait your turn.” He interjected pointedly.

You raise your hands in a signal for him to continue before resting them in Luke’s again.

“As I was saying, truth number two: I actually didn’t mind getting that pedicure with you last week and I think I want to go again… and truth number three-“ He pauses and looks into your eyes before quickly looking down at your hand in his. “Um… truth number three is that I love you.”

Your face lights up as you release your hand from his to grab his face and pull it in for a kiss. He responds by wrapping his arms around you and pulling your body against his, falling back onto the bed. You lay there kissing one another for what feel like an eternity before you break apart and look into his eyes.

“I love you too.” You say, causing a smile to break across Luke’s face before he pulls you back into another kiss.

 Calum

Groaning loudly, you slam the front door and begin kicking your shoes off. Your goal: the couch. You plan to lay on the couch all night, ignore the world, and try to pretend that you didn’t just work a day from hell. Your eyes meet the pillow covered couch, and just as you begin to walk over to the only thing that could make your day better, your phone rings. Sighing, you look down to see the familiar nickname and face of you boyfriend, Calum, light up the screen. You instantly smile and soften up the slightest bit. Maybe the couch wasn’t the only thing that could make your day better.

“Hi baby” you say with your best ‘I didn’t just have a shitty day’ voice.

He’s quiet for a moment. “What’s wrong?”

Of course he can tell you’re upset. You continue your journey to the couch, and as you sit down, you let out another sigh and begin to tell him about your horrible day at work, your asshole bosses, and your realization of a mistake you’d made yesterday that you had to fix today, causing you to now be a day behind in your work. He listened attentively the entire time and once he knew you were done, he comforted you with the exact words you needed to hear.

“We should go on a hike. Get some of that negative energy out.” He suggests after filling your ears with his reassuring words

You look at the couch under you and pat it a few times, silently saying an ‘until next time’ to it before getting up and agreeing to have Calum pick you up after you’ve changed out of your work clothes.

***

Your fingers are intertwined as the two of you walk through the unfamiliar wooded trail on the outskirts of the city that Calum had found on his phone. If Duke playfully running around smelling all of the new scents on the trees and rocks that surrounded you wasn’t enough to make you smile, the mindless babblings of Calum certainly was. He was always so passionate about whatever he was talking about, even when he was talking about nothing. This was definitely one of those times. You listen to him as he goes off about how hard it must be to be a squirrel in the winter, having to find the food that they had hidden so long ago, especially with all of these other selfish squirrel’s stealing from each other. Normally you would try to step in and try to stand up for the other squirrels, telling him they needed to eat too, but during his ramblings, your mind has wondered back to all the work you still had left to complete, and you just don’t have the energy.

He must have noticed your lack of a rebuttal to his blatant disregard for the other hungry squirrels because he had stopped walking and was now looking at you with an empathetic gaze.

“You still upset about work?” He asked, squeezing your hand softly.

“It was just such a shitty day Cal. I don’t mean to bum you out. I should have just stayed home.” You drop your head and exhale deeply.

“No no, this is exactly what you should have done today.” Calum says, as you feel a tug at your arm. “Come with me.”

You tour behind him in your own pity party of one as he leads you off of the trail, towards a nearby cliffside.

“This is the perfect spot.” He beams, gesturing to the open cliffside in front of you.

“Cal? That’s a little dark, don’t you think?” you say before peering over the edge of the small cliff to the hill of trees below you.

“Are you ser- no ohmigod.” He laughs “Come on, we’re going to try something my mom showed we when I was younger. Whenever I was having a bad day, she would always bring me to places like this and tell me to yell out the first thing that comes to mind, and to keep yelling until there was nothing left to yell about. My throat would always be killing me by the end of it, but I would always feel better. I want you to try it.” He squeezes your hand again and smiles hopefully at you.

You really didn’t want to be here, yelling your pointless work problems out to the world and feeling like a moron, but the smile on your boyfriend’s face and the admission of the personal memory he shared with his mother was enough to make you do anything. You look at him apprehensively before turning your attention to the trees below you.

“I… uh…” You look back at Calum and he smiles softly at you before nodding. “I sometimes hate my job” you say in a not-quite-yelling tone.

“Come on baby, you’ve got to yell it! Here, like this: I wish duke would stop peeing on my shoes every time I leave him alone in the house!” He yells out, making Duke jump a little at the mention of his name before he continued to smell the mossy tree next to Calum.

You let out a chuckle at the purity of his smiling face after he yelled out his complaint.

“Try it again.” He encouraged before kissing your cheek.

You take a deep breath and follow his lead “I am so mad at myself for being so far behind in my work all because I made one small mistake yesterday!”

You feel embarrassed yelling it out, but at the same time you begin to feel slightly better. Although, the smile on Calum’s face could be aiding you just as much.

“There should be an easier way to parallel park!” He shrugs and laughs when you shoot him a confused look.

“My feet hurt from wearing heels all day! Business dress codes are stupid!”

“I’m a little worried we could be eaten by mountain lions on our way back to the car!”

“I’m a little worried about my boyfriend being a moron!” You let out a loud laugh at the scowl Calum gives you.

“It could happen, you know.” He mumbles.

“On a hiking trail next to a big city? I doubt that.” You say giggling softly. “It’s your turn.”

You watch as he begins to smile again, blushing slightly.

“I think I’m falling in love with my girlfriend!” He bites his bottom lip softly before smiling sheepishly at you.

You return his smile and pull him in by the hand, kissing him tenderly.

“I love you” he says against your lips.

“I love you too, Calum.” You reply as his arms wrap around your waste.

Ashton

You gasp out for air after swimming up from the bottom of your backyard pool and look around for your boyfriend. Your eyes lock onto the Ashton-shaped figure quickly emerging from the water a couple of feet from you. You smile widely at the soaking wet raven-haired boy as he treads the water and brushes the hair from his eyes with his hands.

“I win!” you shout enthusiastically and use your arm to splash a wave of water at Ashton.

You watch as he ducks under the water again to avoid your splash. When he resurfaces, he shakes his head.

“Okay that’s not fair. You were supposed to count down with your fingers, not in your head. That was the agreement to letting you count!” He raises his arm back at you indicating the tidal wave of water that will -no doubt- be headed you way any second. “And another thing!” He shouts while simultaneously slashing his arms through the water at you, “What happed to our no splashing deal?!”

“Sorry, Irwin. I’m hearing a lot of excuses but I’m not seeing any winning. If the counting is that big of an issue, you can count… but just the one time.” You stick your tongue out at him as water drips down your face. “Also, no splashing deals are for pansies.”

Just as you see his arms begin to raise to send more water your way, you dive under the water and swim over towards him. You submerge face to face with Ashton and place your hand on his cheek before giving him a quick peck on the lips.

“One more time and we can do something else.” You say smiling and swimming back to your previous spot.

“Deal” He agrees.

The two of you count down from three then begin to swim towards the bottom of the pool at the same time. Once at the bottom you open your eyes to find his looking back at you. You turn your attention to his right hand as he then holds five fingers up, and you nod at him. You watch as he uses his hand to count down from five, and as he his final finger drops, you both use your legs to shoot up off the pool floor up towards the surface of the water. Once there, you quickly wipe the water away from your eyes to see Ashton already above the water, smirking at you.

“How’s that for winning?” He snickers.

“I demand a recount!” You shout.

“No can-do babe. You said it yourself, we’re doing something else now.” He winks before swimming to the shallow end of the pool. “We could play that lip-reading game from last week if you’re up for losing some more.”

“If that’s the game we’re playing then you know I’m not the one that’s going to be losing, right?”

You follow him into the shallow end and smile to yourself. Last week when you had played this game, he couldn’t guess a single thing you had mouthed to him, whereas you had guessed everything he had mouthed with ease.

“We’ll just see about that.” He says, settling into a spot in front of you. “Ladies first.”

The two of you drop under the water and wait a moment for your eyes to adjust. Once you were both ready, you quickly think of something to mouth at him.

“Octopus” you mouth, before blowing bubbles out of your mouth and heading back up.

Once at the surface again you can’t help but laugh at the pure confusion on his face.

“Uh.. ‘On the bus’? He guesses shrugging his shoulders.

You shake your head “Nope! Octopus!” You laugh again as his face deadpans and he rolls his eyes. “Okay your turn!”

You both drop and he mouths what is obviously “potatoes” to you and you both go up for air.

“Potatoes!” You shout.

“You must have some kind of mind reading ability you’ve been hiding from me” he says and nods to confirm your guess.

You drop for a third time and you mouth out the word “cactus”.

“You totally said tip-toe” He says confidently once out of the water again.

“Ashton… do your eyes even work?” You joke “I said Cactus.”

“Oh, whatever.” He laughs “I’m making this one harder for you.”

“Bring it on.”

The two of you duck under the water again, and as the water settles you look at Ashton, waiting for him to mouth his new word. You watch as his mouth moves, and you study the words that he mouths to you carefully. You play it back in your head a couple of times to make sure that you were right about what he had mouthed.  Once above the water, you stare at him for a moment before stating your guess out loud.

“I love you?” You ask, slightly weary.

His smile is infectious as he nods at you.

“A little straightforward, aren’t we? Well, I guess I love you too.” He chuckles and swims towards you before cupping your chin in his big hands.

You laugh at the very ‘Ashton’ way of confessing his feelings for you, before kissing him deeply.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Speak No Evil (Part 7)

“Don’t be angry with her, Mai.”

“Don’t be angry with her?” Mai asks. “Don’t you see what this is? She’s playing with you, she’s trying to guilt you into coming back to her. This is another tactic.”

Tylee shakes her head. “That was different Mai. She can’t help that.”

“She’s not even trying to help that.”

“I think that she is...was. She hasn’t said anything to me.”

“Yeah, because she either hasn’t had the chance or is going for the cold shoulder method. Stop trying to defend her, she just hurts and manipulates you. She takes advantage of you.”

TyLee squeezes her eyes shut, they are already growing watery and her head is throbbing. With stress and sadness and...confusion. And she can’t take it anymore, can’t take any of it anymore. “So do you, Mai!” She shouts. “You think that I don’t know what I am to you!? I’m a rebound! I know that you guys think I’m…” she taps her head, “that I’m thoughtless and oblivious but I do know! I know that you wouldn’t have kissed me if you weren’t mad at Zuko.”

“TyLee…”

“No!” She yanks her hand free. “You’re just like her. You’re like all of them. You all just use me.” Her voice cracks and softens, “why do you all just use me?” She doesn’t think that she needs an answer. She knows that it is because she has a pretty face and a puppy-eyed innocence. “Just...just leave me alone.”

“Come on, TyLee. I really do love you.”

“Only until you make up with Zuko.”

“No.” Mai insists. “If he comes back apologizing, I’ll choose you.”

.oOo.

She has gone entirely numb. She likes it that way. It is preferable so she clings to that numbness with a steely grip. Though she doesn’t have to cling so furiously, she is simply too exhausted to feel anything but numb anyways.

Zuko rubs her back, up and down, up and down, up and down. It isn’t a comfort but it is a constant. A constant that keeps her from slipping off and away again. “Believe it or not, I want you to be okay.”

She doesn’t believe it in the slightest.

“You…” He starts. “I don’t understand you, Azula. One minute you’re nice and caring and then it seems like you’re trying to tear TyLee and everyone apart.” She wishes that he would just stop talking. She can feel horrible about herself without his aid. “I can’t tell if you really care about her--about anyone--or if you’re just…” he pauses and shakes his head.

And that is just it, she can’t tell if she truly cares either. She thinks that she might just be incapable of feeling care and love. She rolls over and bunches herself up. She is a vile person if she can be called a person at all. People love. People empathize. She doesn’t. She is not a person.

“I guess it wouldn’t bother you this much if you didn’t care.” Zuko finishes at last. Her heart quivers, she isn’t sure if it is the good sort or the sickly sort. “Do you feel bad?” He asks. “For hurting TyLee? I need to know.”

She thinks for a moment that he might not like the answer until she remembers that she has willed herself hollow to drive out the voices--inner and outer--that tell her she is rotten through and through. They surge back in and she knows that the sound she would have uttered would have been gross and choking. Instead she just covers her face with her forearms and claws at her scalp.

She hears Zuko take a sharp breath and he fights to untangle her fingers from her hair. She gives in and slackens her hold.

“I don’t expect you to just,” he snaps his fingers, “get better…”

She doesn’t think that he expects her to get better at all. Not after this. Not when she had everything going for her. Not when she was on walking down the right track, well lit and perfectly free of obstacles, and still managed to leave that path for a more shrouded one.

“It didn’t work like that for me either.” He continues.

She nestles her head against the pillow.

“I don’t think that it’s healthy for you to stay here.”

And there it is.

He laughs. “I don’t think it’s good for me either. We had a fight and Mai cheated on me…” He trails off. “I know that you’re going to hate me more than you already do but this,” he points at the crown. “Isn’t all that great. Sounds fun to rule and have power but really everyone is just judging you and no matter what decision you make, it’s wrong. And so you fight with your girlfriend…” He gives another bitter laugh. “I’m probably not helping am I? I’m making this about me.”

She shrugs. She would much rather him talk about his own problems than throw hers back in her face.

“That’s not what I’m trying to do. Maybe I should just say my plan instead of giving you the loaded backstory. Mai says that I have a problem with doing that.” He rubs his hand over his face. “I think I just did it again too.”

She flexes her fingers. She doesn’t particularly mean it, but she is losing interest in his ramblings. She can feel herself falling away, retracting and retracting into that special sort of unfeelingness that she can swear exists halfway between life and death. Her eyes feel so heavy, she should like to close them and keep them closed for as long as she can.

She wonders if he notices that she is slipping away because she feels his hand on her back again. The sensation of the fabric of her shirt against her back dances somewhere between unpleasant and soothing.

“I was thinking that we could go to Ember Island together. Like we used to when we were kids. I think that it would be nice to uh…” he rubs the back of his head. “Bond or something like that, I guess. It’s a stupid idea, isn’t it?”

She inhales deeply and forces herself up. She nods, it is the very worst idea she has heard. So horrid that she had to sit up and acknowledge it’s awfulness. If Ember Island truly is a magical place that can smooth even the roughest edges, that has a way of helping one understand themselves, then it would do her well to stay as far from it as she possibly can.

“Would you go with me?” He asks in spite of her nod. “I don’t want you to go through this alone, you already did that once.”

Her stomach grows fluttery and her lower lip quivers. She resents him unremorsefully for driving the numbness out of her before she could truly bask in its comforts. “Let me help you again. It worked the last time.”

She looks away from his helping hand. It couldn’t have worked all that effectively if she is right back where she started at. If she hasn’t truly left that place at all.

“This time we won’t just hide the mess under the bed. We’ll clean it.”

She wishes that he would have picked up on Uncle’s better metaphors. She presses her lips together and fixes her eyes straight ahead.

“I think that, maybe, part of the problem is that you’re still in the same place. How can you change if you stay in the same place?”

She thinks that, that might just be it though; she doesn’t want to change. She doesn’t want to lose her essence completely. She realizes with another wave of discomfort, that nobody wants Azula, everyone wants an entirely new person. She doesn’t want to be a new person. She can’t be a new person. She can’t even manage to tweak a single aspect of herself, not in any way that means anything at all. She doesn’t think that she has a reason to put in the effort. And a fool she has been for hinging all of her efforts on one person.

“Will you give it a try, I know that I could use some time away from here.”

She points at his crown. She doesn’t know how, but for once he gets it. Maybe it is just a lucky guess, “I’ll let my advisor watch over the Fire Nation for a bit. He’s good at what he does and if there’s anything really pressing, he can just send a messenger hawk.”

Azula crosses her arms. It is stupid and irresponsible among other things. Mostly, she just wants a solid excuse to say no. One that he can’t refuse. She looks back at her palms and flexes her fingers. Maybe it would be a good idea to go off to Ember Island and disappear. She’ll go. Go and then slip away when she gets the chance.

“I can have the servants help you pack your things.” He tries.

She gives him an affirmative nod. She hadn’t expected his face to brighten that much. He takes her hand. “This is going to be good for you. For both of us.” He smiles. “I promise.”

[shitpostsfromtheinvisiblelibrary]

45 Kairene please?

A kiss out of anger

“I cannot believe you.” Irene hissed from between gritted teeth as she started to pull her gloves off. “I would have been absolutely fine without you interrupting.”

“He was putting his hands on you!” Kai was trying to keep his temper but Irene was beginning to fray on his nerves with her insistence that she could take on the entire world alone, her refusal to accept that sometimes it was okay to have help. It was an incredibly frustrating situation. He slammed the door behind them.

“And? For god sake Kai, you think that I’m not used to that?” She dropped her gloves and keys onto the side table before starting to undo her coat, the small buttons suddenly almost frustrating as her lover, fiddly now that she was angry. “You cannot just swoop in to save me, I am not your bloody damsel in distress!”

“I never said that you were!” He snapped. “I just want to help you. You shouldn’t have to just accept that kind of attitude and behaviour.”

“Welcome to my world, Kai.” She hung the coat up. “Where you nearly starting a bloody brawl is just going to be another headache.”

“I just wanted to help you! Why can’t you just accept that?”

“Maybe I don’t always want that?” She asked. “Have you considered that maybe I don’t want someone to always be ready to save me, especially when I don’t need it? You are lucky you didn't get arrested in your mission to prove that you doubt me and to undermine me.” She kicked her shoes off toward the side and stormed up the stairs, the effect less dramatic than it could have been as she wasn't about to try stomping up carpeted stairs in stockings.

That would have just been ridiculous.

He was fast behind her. “You are just putting words into my mouth.” He said. She threw herself down at her desk and pulled paper towards herself, pointedly not answering him. Kai growled but she still ignored him. “I wasn't trying to undermine you.”

“Oh, well, you certainly did miss the mark.” She muttered dryly and did not look at him. “I’m not bringing you on another assignment like that if you are just going to lose your head.”

“Maybe it was a good thing that I left the Library then, isn't it?” Kai replied tartly.

“Maybe it is.” Her voice softened a little, but not much. “I am more than capable of dealing with men who are handsy or flirtatious. If I can deal with Silver, then I can deal with that.”

“Silver has never touched you without consent.”

“Paris?” She asked, looking up. “You know, when you let him touch me without my consent?”

“I cannot believe that you are throwing that back at me now, of all the things and times!” He ran his hands through his hair, messing it up in a way that made Irene instinctively want to neaten it up again. Even when arguing, there was still strings connecting them, bright red but somehow still invisible. “You would have died. Trust me, if I could have been the one to kiss you and bring you back, I would not have hesitated.”

She sat back in her chair, toying with a pen that she hadn't even realised that she had picked up. “How do you think that I feel right now?” She asked him. “Like you did then? Frustrated that someone else had to be the one to intervene?” She arched a brow, hoping it looked good like it did on most everyone else who could do it. “Only this time, you didn't intervene because of a necessity, you intervened because you chose to put yourself into a situation where you were neither wanted nor were you needed.”

“So what? If I see that again I should let someone hurt you?”

“You should trust me, Kai. Trust me to look after myself, or to get help if I need it. I am not weak. I have…” She took a deep breath. “I have had years of being alone in the field. Of… people doing that to me. I will admit that sometimes I will use it to my advantage, sometimes I will let people hurt me so that I can manipulate them. It’s horrible and it works. I hate that it does.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“I do not need to be told that.” She shook her head. “But, Kai. I am a woman. I am always going to be seen as lesser by most men. I am going to be seen as an easy target. If I can use that situation, I will. If I need help, I will ask for it. Do not assume that I am as weak and vulnerable as they do.”

“Maybe you should have warned me that that was your plan the entire time?”

“It wasn’t. You interrupted me right before I broke his nose.”

Kai opened his mouth, and then he shut it again. He inhaled deeply. “You are angry with me because I hit him first?”

“How would you feel if I threw myself in the way of your fight?” Irene asked in sheer exasperation. “You would hate it!” She got to her feet again and leant on the desk. “You are so hypocritical sometimes. If I got in the way of a fight that you wanted, you would be so annoyed with me, even if I had won that fight for you, and justified it by saying that I wouldn't want to see you hurt.”

Kai was again rendered speechless, mouth pressed into a thin line as he tried to think of an answer to her. “I can take a hit?” He finally said. She just crossed her arms across her chest and gave him that look that made it obvious that she was not impressed with him in the slightest.

“As can I. Try that again?”

“I’m not about to apologise. I don’t think that I did anything wrong.” he shrugged, watching Irene dig her fingers into her upper arms, pressing her nails through the fabric of her dress. “Irene, if I can help you, I am going to do that, with or without your permission.”

“Were you raised to be this stubborn or is it genetic?” She asked. “Because you are starting to sound like Shan Yuan, what with his insistence that he always knows what’s best.”

“Don’t you compare me to him.” Kai’s voice dropped to a snarl and Irene couldn’t help but smile, knowing that she’d found a nerve to poke and prod in petty acts of retaliation. Kai should really get the hint that she wasn't a good person and that wasn't about to change just because she liked him more than she liked most people, and in a different way.

“Don’t act like him then. Would it be better or worse if I compared you to your sister? Because I am seeing a lot more resemblance than just physical.” That was a particularly low blow that made Kai recoil from her and she felt a small thread of guilt press into her after that. “That came out wrong.” She said, much more softly this time. “I…”

“How was it meant to sound?”

“I am still angry at you.” She said firmly before she leant over the desk and suddenly kissed him. Kai stiffened before cupping her face and kissing back. His fingers were warm against her skin, warmer than the angry flush to her cheeks. “Sorry, but angry.”

“I will take more anger if it means you kiss me like that again.” He was not about to admit the fact that he found Irene most attractive when her eyes flashed with a hidden flame that threatened to burn down the world around her, or when she hardened her voice like it was ice and tore people down with just her words.

Her power was attractive.

So he kissed her again, they could fight later on.

[slytherinknowitall]

Potion Fumes and Cauldron Leaks

Chapter 17: Falling For The Underdog

(Click here for chapter 16!)

(Click here to start from the beginning!)

Disclaimer: I don’t own the “Harry Potter” book series. The story of “Harry Potter” is the property of J. K. Rowling, it is not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.

The following weekend, Severus found himself in a situation that he would have never thought possible – he spent the entire day with a woman.

Despite it being a Saturday, Granger had arrived at his private quarters quite early. While he usually woke up long before the rest of the castle, Severus had never really considered himself a morning person. He normally worked late and slept little, often waking up in a cold sweat after just a few hours of sleep due to horrible nightmares. So needless to say, he had been rather surprised when his apprentice had shown up at his door long before the house elves had even started to prepare breakfast. As he’d let her in, he had asked himself if perhaps she was suffering from the same problem as him.

The two of them had spent a lot of time together over the past week. Ever since he had given her unimpeded access to his rooms, Granger had come by even more often than before, and so they had often spent their evenings together. Everything inside him was still screaming that this was wrong, that they were becoming way too comfortable with each other. But yet, he could not help but feel a rush of ecstasy surge through his entire body every single time she walked into his sitting room.

He had given her the password in what had been almost a moment of mental aberration, and he had soon started to regret it. He had tried telling himself that the reason for that regret was that such an action was simply inappropriate for a teacher, but deep down, he knew that he was really just scared of rejection; scared that she would not take him up on the offer and that she would find it creepy and weird. But the next day, when he had come back from teaching the fourth year Slytherins and Gryffindors, he had found Granger in his sitting room, fussing over a small sandwich platter from the kitchens which was placed on the table in front of her. Severus still could not have described the emotions he had experienced upon seeing this. On one hand, he had felt massive relief. On the other, it had felt weirdly domestic for some reason; almost as though he had come home after a long day of work to a loving home – something which had been completely new to him.

Sometimes, the pair would be working on potions together, and other times, Severus would be sitting at his desk marking essays while Granger would curl up on his sofa as she studied. Today, however, they were doing what both of them loved the most: reading.

The Potions Master was seated in one of his big wing chairs, a copy of his favourite journal, The Practical Potioneer, in his hands, whereas Granger was spread out across the sofa as usual, deeply engrossed in his volume of Hélas, Je me suis Transfiguré Les Pieds by medieval French wizard Malecrit. Over the last couple of days, Severus had slowly begun to notice how eager she seemed to get her hands on classics from the wizarding world, and he did not exactly know how to feel about that – to him, it somehow appeared as though she was almost desperately trying to make up for the time she had spent growing up around Muggles.

They had both been reading in silence for a while when Severus stumbled across an especially interesting paragraph on the uses of Alihotsy in magical antidepressants. Opening his mouth to share this new piece of information with the knowledge-hungry witch, he looked up and instantly had to draw a sharp breath. Unbeknownst to him, Granger had shifted in her position a few minutes ago, and now her grey skirt had ridden up just far enough to reveal her toned thighs as well as barely the slightest hint of the subtle crease running horizontally underneath her behind.

Severus gulped. It was hard to ignore the way that the shadows of the fire burning a mere few feet away were dancing across her tender, milky flesh. Why was she wearing her uniform – a uniform with what now suddenly seemed like a ridiculously short skirt – on a day with no classes?! For a split second, the thought that she was trying to seduce him crossed his mind, but he quickly dismissed that. Never in a million years would Granger be the type of person to try to recreate a scene from a low-budget adult movie, especially not with one of her professors. And if he was being honest with himself, he would have found her appearance bewitching even if she had been wearing a potato sack.

Having long forgotten about what he had originally wanted to say, he blurted out the first thing he could think of. “I do have to say, I find it rather bizarre that Miss Weasley of all people would behave in such a manner towards you. I would be terrified of making someone even remotely angry if they knew of my deepest secret.”

Granger did not even look up. “But that’s not how friendships work.”

“What?” His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“A real friend would never betray you just because you’ve had a fight with them,” she said as she pushed herself up into a seated position. Severus did not know if he was glad or disappointed that her legs were now covered again. “A promise is a promise. That fact doesn’t change just because you’re having a disagreement or because you don’t like each other anymore.”

Yet again, he was pleasantly surprised by her maturity; it made him feel a tiny bit less like a predator preying on an innocent girl.

“Plus, the real problem is Ron. I love him –“ Severus felt a slight sting at these words. “But he’s just so unpredictable sometimes. And at the end of the day, Ginny will always side with him, because he’s her brother, and Harry will do the same, because he’s his best friend and because Ginny is his girlfriend. All three of them are on the Quidditch team together, and they all share common interests. I am the odd one out, and so if someone has to leave the group, it will always be me first.”

Severus was stunned. He wanted to disagree, wanted to tell her that what she was saying was wrong – but he knew that it was the truth. Just like himself, she was and would always be an outsider.

“Anyway,” Granger continued, taking a look at her wristwatch. “I think I have to go. I still want to stop by the library to pick up some books before it closes. Thank you for having me, as always.”

And with that, she stood up, straightened out her clothes and put the book she had been reading back in its place on one of the countless shelves lining the dark room before making her way to the exit. But just as she was about to disappear through the hole in the wall, she lingered for a second.

“Professor Snape?”

Severus was caught off guard by how nervous she suddenly sounded. “Yes, Miss Granger?”

She took her bottom lip between her teeth. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, but the other teachers normally address me by my first name when I’m alone with them. So perhaps you could do that, too? Only in private, of course.”

Severus gave her a calculated look. It probably sounded nonsensical, especially after he had already allowed her into his chambers, but he was still somewhat afraid of getting too close to her. Wasn’t using her first name taking it a bit too far? But at the same time, her request flooded his soul with a feeling of genuine happiness.

“All right … Hermione.”

*************** *************** ***************

“Come on, Hermione, I know you’re in there! Open the door!”

The brightest witch of her age was surprise to hear what sounded like frantic knocking as she climbed up the stairs leading to her Head Girl suite. It was not long until she arrived at the top and discovered a certain redhead banging on her door.

“I know you’re really mad at me, but can we please just talk about it?”

“Ginny?” she said, making the other witch jump in surprise. “What are you doing?”

“Hermione!” Ginny exclaimed before running towards her friend at the speed of light and hugging her so hard that the two of them almost tumbled over. “I am so, so sorry! I know I treated you like crap, and for a stupid reason, too! I don’t know what got into me, I’m just so stressed right now, and I let Ron get the better of me! Harry is also sorry, but Ron is still mad, and so he feels like he’s sort of caught in the middle, and –“

Hermione took a step back and offered her a smile. “Gin, it’s all right. No hard feelings, okay?”

“Oh, you are truly too good for this world!” Ginny called out before moving in for another suffocating embrace.

Hermione could not suppress a chuckle. She was still upset about how she had been treated, of course; but she had learnt a long time ago that sometimes, being happy was more important than being right. War hero or not, at the end of the day, she was just a girl, and a girl needed her best friend.

Now that their frivolous fight was finally behind them, it did not take long before the two teenagers fell back into their old ways. They soon found themselves on Hermione’s bed, with countless Muggle nail supplies spread out around them, talking about this and that. However, the newest Hogwarts gossip was not really able to awaken Hermione’s enthusiasm like it usually did. Something had been occupying her mind for a few days now, and it took her a long time before she finally mustered up the courage to bring it up.

“Hey, Gin …” she said meekly.

“Yes?” Ginny replied, biting her tongue in concentration as she carefully painted the tiny nail of one of her little toes in a pastel pink colour.

“Um …” Hermione had absolutely no idea how to broach the subject. “I need your advice on something.”

It was only then that the sixth-year looked up.

“What’s going on?” she asked concerned.

“So …” Taking a shaky breath, she decided to just make it quick and painless, like ripping off a band-aid. “I think that I might be starting to like Professor Snape.”

Oh Merlin, she had finally said it aloud! After many sleepless nights of confusion, dismay and solitary pining, she had finally admitted it – to Ginny and to herself.

Too scared of her reaction, Hermione did not dare to look Ginny in the eyes. But to her surprise, the only response was a high-pitched giggle.

“Hermione, you like all teachers. So I’m not at all surprised that you like that tosser, too. Even though I do not know how you could, especially enough to become his apprentice and –“

“No, I –“ She rubbed the back of her neck with a trembling hand. “I think I might fancy him.”

“WHAT?!” yelled Ginny as she jumped to her feet, knocking over a couple of bottles of nail polish and spilling their content all over the comforter in the process.

“Ginny, please!” she tried to calm her down, but it was to no avail – the whirlwind that was Ginevra Weasley had already been unleashed.

“You have a crush on Snape? SNAPE?! The greasy git of the dungeons? The most hated teacher in all of Hogwarts? That Snape?!”

Her look was filled with nothing but disbelief and betrayal.

“Gods, I don’t know!” Hermione’s eyes were starting to burn and fill with tears. She could not help but feel embarrassed. “I have all of these confounding feelings, and I don’t know what to make of them, okay?!”

“Hey, hey, come on! It’s nothing to cry about.” Ginny hurriedly sat back down and rubbed her back reassuringly, though she still had horror written all over her face. “Even if we’re talking about Snape here.”

A salty tear rolled down Hermione’s blushed cheek. “I don’t even know when it started, I just –“ The words got stuck in her throat as she erupted into sobs. “How can I like a teacher in that way?! Like, maybe that could even get me EXPELLED!”

Ginny pulled her into a half hug. “Now, calm down, we’ll figure this out somehow! Why do you like him?”

Hermione sniffled. “I don’t know! It’s just that he’s being so nice to me!”

“Really?” Ginny tilted her head to the left, obviously doubting the statement. “Snape and nice?”

“Yes, extremely nice!” Hermione blurted out as she wiped her flushed face with the back of her hand. “You know, after our stupid argument, I felt so sad and miserable. But then he invited me over, and we had some tea, and he let me vent. He consoled me, Gin!”

In hindsight, the brunette would later realise that she did not know how exactly he had become aware of their fallout in the first place. She certainly had never openly mentioned it in front of him. But at that moment, with her raw emotions causing mayhem inside her mind, the thought did not occur to her even once.

“You’re kidding!” Hermione could only shake her head before she broke into tears again. “Hey, I’m sorry! It’s just hard to imagine that someone like Snape might actually have some real human feelings.”

“Well, he does! I feel like he actually cares about me, you know? Like, it almost feels as though he’s my friend. He even gave me the password to his rooms so that I would have somewhere to retreat to.”

“WHA–“ Clearly forcing herself to remain calm, Ginny took a deep breath. “Are you being for real?”

“Of course! I’ve been spending time there every day!”

Shocked, Ginny put a palm on her chest. “Hold on! Severus Snape, a grown man and teacher at this school, is allowing you, a beautiful 18-year-old student of his, in his private quarters where the two of you are completely alone? Ew, what a creep!”

“It’s not like that!” Hermione protested, her facial features contorting into a grimace. “Never once has he done anything even remotely inappropriate! We just work on something together or read some books, and sometimes we eat meals together. If anything, I’m the one who has taken it too far.”

“What do you mean?” No response. “Hermione?”

“I hugged him once …”

It was merely a whisper, but she heard her nonetheless.

“YOU DID WHAT?”

Hermione hung her head, burying her hands deep in her massive brown locks. “I hugged him in the Entrance Hall during the Hallowe’en Feast. We had talked earlier about how he didn’t want to come because of how much he hates dressing up, but then he surprised me by showing up with his teeth charmed to look like a vampire and … I don’t know, I just became so excited, and before I knew it, I was hugging him!”

Ginny could only look at her, baffled-eyed. “Did he, like, hug you back?”

She thought about it for a second.

“Yeah, I think so.” She scrunched up her face. “I liked it, too.”

No one said anything for a long time. Then, letting out a forced laugh, the redhead ultimately mumbled, “Wow, I … really don’t know what to say.”

“I’m screwed!” Hermione exclaimed as she teared up again.

Ginny let out a huge sigh. “Look, at the end of the day, you cannot help who you fall for. And while I’m certainly not a fan of the Dungeon Bat myself, you definitely could have done worse.”

Ignoring the other girl’s glare, she continued, “He’s smart, just like you, and according to what you told me, he’s also treating you right. And to be honest, he’s not really as ugly as we all make him out to be. So liking him is not as ridiculous as it might sound at first. Plus, maybe this infatuation is just a phase. So many girls get crushes on their teachers at some point. Chances are by tomorrow you’re already over it.”

She grabbed her hand. “The only thing I’m worried about is how friendly you two seem to be getting. This could actually get you into major trouble should anyone notice. And it will also not help you get over this silly crush if you keep seeing him this often. So maybe just try and distance yourself for a little while, ‘kay? I bet that once this whole thing with Ron blows over, your feelings won’t be all over the place like this anymore.”

(Click here for chapter 18!)

[nextbigaiello]

A few months ago I responded to an anonymous message in regards to the punching of Rick Moranis. I had posted a thread responding to the person in a back and forth. I cannot find the posts (maybe if I look on my computer instead of using tumblr on my phone) and they seem lost or deeply hidden on my page. If you can find it, please use it as a means of not making the same mistakes I did. I am not proud of my actions. I’m well aware this was back in October, so it all seems pointless due to the lateness. But I do want to address it and apologize for some of the things I’ve said and my overall immaturity. And even if no one cares or thought of it as a big deal, I believe that the things I said and my attitude weren’t okay and I would like this to be a teachable moment even if it may seem minuscule or “not that big a deal”.

The anonymous messenger had said something along the lines of (and I’m paraphrasing because I don’t remember word for word) he deserved to get punched and the guy who did it was a hero. Though my overall response was to say that I found the act really strange and that anyone who goes around punching people (whether they carry a famous title or not) should face the consequences. Obviously nothing intense only one that fits the crime. But I did not say it like that. If anything the best decision would be not to respond at all and just delete it. But I obviously did not do that. I decided I wanted to gain some sort of high ground over this person and respond in a snarky, ridiculing way. So I mocked the use of being anonymous and kind of reveled in the idea that they were eager to send ME this, as I’m like a nobody. In anonymous’ message, they had said that all white people deserve to get punched in the face. I said that they can punch me in the face any time, but my biggest mistake was writing “I don’t know why it’s a race thing but ok” in the hashtags.

I AM THE BIGGEST IDIOT FOR DOING THIS! I WAS THE ONE WHO TURNED IT INTO A RACE DEBATE JUST BY SAYING THAT! I WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE AND UNDERSTAND THAT SAYING THAT WAS WRONG EVEN IN THE MOMENT. I DID NOT DELETE IT OR EDIT IT OUT BECAUSE I FIGURED IT WOULD ONLY MAKE IT LOOK WORSE. IT WAS NOT MY INTENTION IN THE SLIGHTEST TO COMMENT THAT. I SAW SOMEONE PUNCH ANOTHER PERSON ON CAMERA AND I WAS ANGRY. BUT I STILL WROTE IT AND POSTED IT THINKING THAT I WAS THE ONE EXPOSING SOMEONE. WHICH IS IDIOTIC, POOR, AND INCREDIBLY DISGUSTING. I LIKE TO THINK I AM AN ALLY WHO CONSTANTLY LEARNS NEW THINGS AND STRIVES TO BETTER THEMSELVES. AND WHILE I STILL THINK I AM AND DO APPRECIATE AND SEEK BEING CORRECTED, I MISCALCULATED AND SHOWED THAT I AM STILL SUSCEPTIBLE TO MAKING MISTAKES. THIS IS WHERE I FEEL THE MOST REGRET IN THOSE SERIES OF POSTS. I AM VERY SORRY TO THOSE WHO ARE AFFECTED AND HURT BY THAT PHRASE AND SIMILAR LANGUAGE THAT HARMS BIPOC COMMUNITIES AND THEIR STRUGGLES FOR HAVING THEIR VOICES BE HEARD. I AM SORRY THAT I DIDN’T APOLOGIZE SOONER. I HOPE FOR FORGIVENESS BUT ITS NOT NECESSARY IF YOU DO NOT SEE MY APOLOGY AS VALID. THAT’S TOTALLY FINE. I JUST HOPE THAT I CAN MAKE UP FOR THIS BY IMPROVING AND LEARNING EVEN MORE.

Unfortunately I continued to respond to this person. I kept posting the back and forth squabbling. They had caught my mistake and rightfully used it against me. The majority of the messages were framed as me basically being a performative activist and not actually liking black people. Which are not true. I can definitely do more as a white ally to help protect and support black (and other people of color’s) lives. However I do as much as I can, and encourage people to do the same. I was desperately trying to convince this person that I wasn’t racist and that I care about everyone. I had attached pictures I drew of myself (one being my pfp) in support of the BLM movement (amongst other things). All of my decisions sounded and looked better in my head. If anything, I don’t think I was really trying to convince anonymous. But actually I believe I was trying to convince anyone who follows me or could stumble onto the posts. I wouldn’t have to have convinced anyone if I just didn’t respond. But I was arrogant. Once anonymous had the mistake against me, my snarky attitude lessened and I wanted to come of as genuine. Mostly because I was. I wanted to see if I could try and get both of us to lower our torches and come to an understanding. My responses got longer. I still came off as a dick in places but tried to counteract that with questioning why they thought messaging me that was smart. We mostly talked about race and all I could say was that I care deeply about black people and I didn’t mean to say what I said. I genuinely said that if they wanted to punch me in the face, I give them the right to. In hindsight I should’ve known that this would come off as disingenuous and played for laughs at their expense. But I did mean it. I said it thinking that maybe it would make them feel better. Maybe they were right that all white people deserve to get punched in the face and I only furthered that idea. With all this time to think, I’m starting to agree.

We ended with neither side breaking. There was no use trying to convince the other side so no more messages were sent. Yet I acted as if I “won” and posted one final post kind of bragging and saying that it’s smart to respond to trolls in a classy and smart manner. Which I didn’t do. So that’s more points towards me being an unnecessary dick.

The second biggest thing I regret is not letting it go and constantly replying. It makes things worse. You’re feeding into it. Especially since I tried to be smug and pretentious. I should’ve never responded in the first place. I should’ve buckled down on having a passive tone and genuine behavior with the replies. But I didn’t. Don’t do what I did. Don’t give antagonistic people or trolls the time of day. Don’t address things you are not capable of talking about.

I believe we must all take accountability for our actions regardless of how big or small they may be. Especially as a white person. I am taking responsibility for this mistake and hope for forgiveness but seek education. Again, it’s all very late, but I didn’t take into account how it would be perceived. I’ve not gotten any messages from anyone about this and no one really interacted with the thread, so I don’t know how people felt about the whole situation nor am I being coerced to do this by someone else. But if I’m ever in a similar situation, please call me out! A few years ago I made a post that I didn’t even agree with at the time but I posted it anyway, and someone called me out saying that it could be perceived as bad taste. I immediately apologized and deleted the post entirely shortly after. I am grateful to them for asking about it and letting me know it wasn’t a good thing to post. I will gladly take responsibility and go about removing or editing something that is problematic or bad in general that I overlooked. I just feel terrible about doing it in the first place and acting as if there’s no possible way it could affect someone. Because it can. It can and I would feel horrible if it did.

Again I do not know where the original posts are. So I don’t have exact quotes and am just going off of memory. But if someone finds them and goes over them and asks me to address this again with the actual evidence and quotes, I’d be more than glad to do that. And if with the actual posts your views and opinions change, that’s totally fair and I’m just happy you took the time to read all this and the posts of you can find them.

All I can say is I’m sorry. I am so very sorry.

-DA

[immortalcoelacanth]

Ascendance of a Bookworm Oneshot: Hear Me

Of course I, the dumbass that I am, finally get inspired to write this the day the newest episode of the anime comes out. 

I wasn’t all that happy with episode 20 when I first saw it and felt that the conflict didn’t… actually get resolved? It was a bit of a letdown compared to the rest of the series so I decided to revamp it in a way that hopefully has a more satisfying conclusion.

Word count: 2144

Summary: Lutz was tired of being spoken over, tired of how his father and mother made his job all the harder for him. Now, in this meeting, he refused to be ignored. He would make certain they would hear him. 

Lutz felt his hands clench tighter as he listened to his father speak, anger and sorrow building up in him all over again. He hated this, hated having to fight this battle all over again. He thought he had gotten through to his mother during their last discussion, believed she would keep her word and provide him with the slightest bit of support, especially now that he was really starting to succeed and learn more.

He should have known better. His parents never listened to him.

They loved him, he knew that, but all the love in the world was not worth the constant harping, nagging, and insults that were shouted about the path he had chosen. A merchant was greedy, only cared about money, would take advantage of everyone around them.

Lutz knew that this was far from the truth. He thought about Benno and how he had helped Main, saved her life, and even Freida had tried to get more money to Main so she could afford the items that were needed to drain the mana in her under the guise of trying to form a partnership with Main. Sure, merchants could be corrupt and heartless, but so could anyone else.

So, it stung when his parents continued to shout and insist that he find his own path, even though he was already doing so. His parents did not teach him how to read, write, or understand how money truly worked, Benno and Main had in combination with his own hard work. He constantly pushed himself to do better when working with customers, try to calculate prices faster, and did whatever he could to better his own future.

He knew they hated the path he had chosen for his life, he knew that they wanted nothing to do with such a thing, but he was their son!

They were his parents and had to help him when he needed it. They had to give their permission to allow him to go places, to continue building his skills. He was forced to rely on them, and he hated it.

Hated the problems it had caused. If his parents had said yes, allowed him to go and not gone off on another tangent about how horrible merchants are, Lutz knew for a fact that none of this would have happened.

He just… wanted to do what he wanted in life, find his own path and be proud his work. Nothing more, nothing less.

Teeth clenched as he heard his mother ramble on about the dangers of going to another town, the bandits, and animals. The forest itself was dangerous, but they had allowed him to go there all the time! Besides, going by carriage on a highly traveled path would have been perfectly safe.

As Benno explained the trip and the precautions that had been taken for their safety, he saw red when his father remarked that there was no need for such a thing.

They… they were sabotaging his chances! Even the other kids knew not to do that!

“I told you it was for work!” Lutz snapped. “How else am I supposed to succeed if I don’t get the chance to practice things!”

Getting briefly scolded by the head priest was a bit embarrassing, and he felt his cheeks heat up as he stared back down at his lap, but he did not miss the surprised and somewhat scandalized look that crossed his mother’s face.

Something he felt both good and bad about. He did not hate her, or his father. They were both just so stubborn and headstrong, it was nearly impossible to get them to see how serious he was about all of this.

He had seen how supportive Main’s family towards what was she wanted to do and it… stung, to not receive that kind of support from his own family. Tears started to build in the corners of his eyes and he quietly sniffled while trying to breathe deeply in an attempt to calm himself down.

Listening to the discussion between his mother and Benno, his heart immediately began to race once his master mentioned Lutz being his successor. It was, of course, something that had been discussed previously, but it still made his heart pound and his sweat at the thought of all that responsibility, and the fact that Benno trusted and believed in him enough to even consider such a thing.

Once again, someone other than his family providing him with the support he needed. Why could he depend on these people he had known for only about a year at this point to help him more than his family would? How was any of that fair?!

It wasn’t fair, it was the furthest thing from fair!

He could hear the conversation intensifying, almost as if in response to his tormented mental state. His mother’s anger towards the possibility of him being adopted, his father’s impassive response. As the head priest continued to question his father about his reasons, and Benno’s own curiosity, Lutz’s emotions continued to simmer and burn.

The young boy’s anger grew as his father questioned his master about having children, causing him to recall what he knew about the merchant’s unfortunate, painful past. He could almost feel the surprise radiating off Benno while the conversation progressed, and it was the sounds of his father’s frustration that caused him to finally look up, eyes still shining faintly with tears.

He looked up just in time to his father place a hand on his chest, over his heart, and speak. “Parenting is all about what’s in here.”

Somewhere, in the back of Lutz’s mind, he heard something snap.

He shot to his feet, catching everyone’s attention as the chair scrapped against the ground while his tears began to fall from his eyes. He had managed to cut off whatever rant his father was about to go on, and now it was his turn to speak.

And he would make them listen.

“Master Benno does care about me!” Lutz spat, watching surprise cross his mother’s face while his father appeared to steadily grow more annoyed and angry at his outburst. “He cares about his shop too, but that doesn’t mean-”

“Sit down!” Deeds interrupted, glaring his son down. “You’re making a fool of yourself!”

“No!” Lutz shot back. “You and mom don’t listen; you never listen to me! You say parenting comes from the heart, well what about all the times where I got pushed around, or my brothers stole food from me!?”

“Lutz, please-” That was his mother this time, but Lutz kept speaking as his emotions hit their peak.

“You told me to do what I want, and I have been! I’ve listened to Master Benno, I’ve learned all sorts of things about being a merchant and interacting with customers, and after you yelled at me for wanting to go to that town and learn more I chose the live-in apprenticeship! I chose my path, and everyone started embarrassing me at work!”

His palms were stinging from how tightly his hands were clenched as he stared into Deeds’ stunned eyes and shouted at the top of his lungs. “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THINGS ON MY OWN IF YOU ALL KEEP SABOTAGING ME?!”

The room grew silent after his outburst, even the head priest seemed taken aback by the sheer rage that had been flowing through Lutz at that moment. As for Lutz himself, he now felt… empty.

No more anger, no more sorrow or hurt, it was all just… disappointment.

He looked back down towards the ground, tears falling from his face, and as such he was not aware of the person who got out of their chair and approached him until he was pulled into a hug. A soft, warm, loving hug.

Mom?

“Lutz,” Carla began, voice clearly wavering due to how emotional she felt at the moment. “Please, we didn’t mean to make things hard for you, but we were so worried-”

“I thought you said you’re okay with this.” Lutz quietly interrupted, voice muffled due to the hug. “You said you’d be after I talked to you.”

His mother was silent for a moment as she tried to figure out how to respond, eventually letting out a quiet sigh. “I did, and… I’m sorry for hurting you. I know so little about merchants that you becoming one makes me scared. How are we supposed to help you if anything goes wrong?”

Benno quietly chimed in at that point. “I intend to educate Lutz on everything that I can to ensure he is well prepared for when he eventually takes over my store. I understand your fear, but Lutz holds much potential in being a merchant. I am certain he will be fine.”

Carla stared at him, as if trying to figure out whether he was lying to her or not, and after some time she let out another sigh and held Lutz all the tighter. “Lutz is my dear son, and I’d never give him away for anything, so you can forget about that adoption!”

Lutz stiffened a bit at that, before his sniffling grew louder and he fully leaned into the hug, crying into his mother’s side. Benno smiled softly at the sight and nodded.

“Very well.”

“Based on what is being said, I cannot allow the adopted.” The head priest finally spoke, eyes lingering on the young boy and his mother before closing. “Benno, what will you do?”

“Lutz has a bright future ahead of him, and as such I would like to offer him a dapla contract.” Benno explained, smiling when he noticed Lutz now staring at him in surprise from the corner of his eye. “It would make him responsible for the store’s future.”

He then turned to stare intently at Deeds, previously pleasant expression gone. “Would you agree to that?”

Deeds glared lightly at Benno, not at all pleased with the display of emotions that were going on before him. “Hasty, aren’t you?”

“I would rather secure Lutz’s future sooner rather than later. It would allow me to start training him as soon as possible.”

The gruff man looked off to the side and closed his eyes, silent for a second before slowly nodding.

Lutz let out a relieved sigh as his mother smiled and hugged him a bit tighter, showing her support. It seemed as though everything had been settled, all that was left now was-

“Lutz, apologize for wasting everyone’s time.”

A bolt of anger shot through him at the patronizing tone in his father’s voice, and Lutz turned to stare at him. Deeds eyes were still shut, brows furrowed, and appearing very defensive with his crossed arms. For a moment Lutz wanted to argue, wanted to point out that this entire situation had started because of his father, and as such would it not be his duty to apologize, but that angry soon fizzled out and was replaced by emptiness again.

What was the point? If he tried to argue he would just get yelled at and this whole cycle would start over again. No matter what he did, his father would just insist that everything was his problem, over and over again.

So, Lutz apologized, and was then forced to say it louder. A demand made by his father.

It stung, both his pride and made him feel antsy upon hearing the loud voice, but he did his best to hold his composure like Benno taught him and repeated the words. Finally, after all was said and done, the meeting came to a close.

Mark recommended that they visit the Merchant’s Guild as soon as possible to sort out the contract, make sure everything was in order before it was signed, and Lutz felt elation fill him. At least something good had come out of this conversation, the hopes that his family would finally stop interfering and allow him to work without being bothered or distracted.

He ended up cringing at his father’s remark of him being the most spoiled in his family, more pain running through him, but it faded faster this time. He was used to hearing such things, had been used to them for quite a long time. He would recall how much it first hurt hearing his father say such offhanded things about him, but overtime that pain had lessened as he got used to them.

Being spoiled, selfish, a brat. Those were a common collection of insults he heard almost daily. It was just… how his father was, how he would always be.

Perhaps it was time to stop hoping he would ever say anything different, or act differently. Maybe Deeds’ personality would lighten up when he saw how many lyons Lutz would earn from his work…

Maybe then, his father would finally listen.

                                   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Honestly, I was a bit disappointed with the note that the episode ended off on, the wholesome family moment simply because Deeds’… an asshole. I can easily imagine a bunch of resentment building up in Lutz because of how his father treats him, especially if that’s supposed to pass as “love”.

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed reading!

- ImmortalCoelacanth

[coolveraverto]

Those Damn Marauders

Summary: *Mature Content*

Maude Bloomingdale knows there is something deeply unsettling about those damn Marauders. After her best friend is murdered in the Forbidden Forest, she just knows they had something to do with it. And she will stop at nothing until she gets to the bottom of it.

Sirius Black/OC

________________________________________________________________

Prologue

I see them strutting in the corridors, laughing between the four of them in a way that can make me jealous and annoyed at the same time. They were most loud when they were together, even if they weren’t even speaking - It was just something in the way they looked at one another. Proudly. Smirky.

             They wore lion crested sweaters that gave them all this well-found entitlement. They did not deserve the extended deadlines on papers, the prettiest girls in school hanging on their every word, or students painting their quidditch numbers on their faces. No. They did not deserve it in the slightest.

             Those damn Marauders. Those ignorant, vile, big-headed damn Marauders.

             They knew it too. All four of those arrogant boys knew they ran Hogwarts. Girls in every year fancied them and stared at them whenever they walked by. It was a downright miracle if one actually gained the courage to speak to one of them without fainting. 

Even the Professors. 

Merlin’s beard, the Professors. They talked about them like they were famous for something actually important. They turned their heads when they hexed Slytherins in the corridors. Shaked their heads with a smile when one didn’t turn an essay in on time. It was ridiculous!

             Maybe I was being unfair. Unreasonable, is what Callie would tell me. She disliked the fact that I always grumbled “damn Marauders” whenever they strutted by us. She was hopelessly in love with the one named Remus. His bag was always filled with books and he always looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks and Callie practically screamed when they were partnered in Potions last year. It took only a week for him to ask her to Hogsmeade. She was glowy and smiley. I wanted to vomit.

             Oh, Callie. What I would give to have my best friend back.

             Those damn Marauders are going to pay for what they did. I don’t care if everyone loves them or wants to be them. I don’t care that they were the most good-looking lads in Hogwarts. 

They murdered my best friend, and they are going to pay for it.

Chapter One

It has been three months. Three months since that horrible night in May. The nightmares haven’t eased down in the slightest.

The last few weeks of sixth year went by in a total blur. Professors were always watching me, students I barely spoke to were always asking if I was okay and saying how amazing Callie was, and I’d plaster a fake smile, biting my tongue. I couldn’t believe how quick they were to be throwing around the word was. Callie is amazing. 

The friendliness was overwhelming and living in Hufflepuff dorms was just the icing in a disgusting unwanted plate of cake. 

Remus Lupin, whom I believe is the reason Callie is no longer alive, looked absolutely terrible. Good, I think to myself when I see how the circles under his eyes have gotten darker by each passing day. He should feel horrible. He should be in Azkaban. And I’ll make sure I see that with my own two eyes. All four of those damn Marauders.

I’m standing on platform 9 ¾, hugging my parents goodbye before I depart for my last and seventh year at Hogwarts. My parents are both muggles and are still incredibly clueless when it comes to anything I tell them about magic, but they are good and kind and try their best to understand, which is important.

“Is that Maude Bloomingdale?”

I turn around to find Cairo marching his way towards me. He’s wearing a big smile and his sandy hair is flopping all over. When he wraps me in a bear hug, I can’t help but breathe him all in. Oh, Cairo. Our friendship has gotten so. . . weird since Callie. They’re twins. I can only imagine how the summer was for him.

“Did you get shorter?” He teases me, his smile still in place. He’s a great actor.

I raise an eyebrow. “Did you get pudgy?” I ask him, but of course I am just joking. Cairo is not pudgy even in the slightest. He’s actually quite fit. Much more good-looking than any of those Marauders.

He turns to my parents and greets them with a warm smile. Dad is shooting him suspicious daggers like why are you hugging my daughter and Mum is staring at me with eyebrows raised like why is this handsome bloke hugging my daughter. Cairo doesn’t seem to notice - he’s such a gentleman.

“Mom, Dad, this is Cairo,” I tell them. “Callie’s brother.”

Their expressions soften. Suddenly Dad isn’t glaring. Instead he looks pitiful. Which is so much worse.

“We must go, before the train leaves without us.” I say, hoping to get Cairo away from my parents. I would just die if they said something so embarrassing to him about me or, Merlin’s beard, about Callie. 

I hug them goodbye and then Cairo and I make our way onto the Hogwarts Express for the very last time. Everything about this feels strange - Callie should be here! Every year Callie and I did this together. Now she’s gone and I’m left with nothing but her flitting memory.

I follow behind Cairo on the train looking for an empty compartment. Though we don’t say it, we both know we want to be alone together. I think about the letters his owl sent me throughout the summer. How I ignored them all until the very last one when all I had written back was agreeing to talk once we got on the train.

I know it was terrible of me to ignore his desperate attempts to talk or see me all summer, but I just couldn’t. The guilt sitting inside me for what we had done was more than enough for me. Now I have no choice but to face it.

He pulls me into an empty compartment and slides the door shut in one swift movement. 

“You’ve gotten better at that,” I say, thinking of all the times he pulled me ungracefully into broom closets last school year. 

“We have to talk,” he says sternly.

I sigh in response and he gives me a look before crossing his arms over his chest. Merlin, his arms look so fit. I bet he was taking his grief out by lunging his beater bat at quaffles all summer. I try to avert my eyes from his arms and instead look at his face. His pretty blue eyes are piercing into mine. He’s hurt that I’ve ignored him.

“Cairo, I’m - I’m sorry for not writing back.”

“I kind of expected that from you, you’ve never been much of the writer,” he replies with a hint of a smile. I feel myself start to smile back but then I remember of all the times that Callie would tease me for barely writing two sentences in my letters to her. Cairo must think of it too, because he starts to frown as well.

“I miss her, Cairo,” I tell him in nothing more than a whisper. As if saying it any louder would mean it's really true. I don’t want to believe it still. 

“I know. I do too. Mum and Dad were a complete wreck all summer. It would’ve been nice to at least have a friend who understood.” 

“I’m sorry. I honestly just didn’t know what to say. And, bloody hell, after what happened, I just feel guilty Cairo.”

He stiffens and looks at me seriously. “Maude, none of it is your fault. I was - I am her brother, and I couldn’t keep her safe. I just wish I knew why she went to the Forbidden Forest like that. . .”

I think to myself, should I just tell him? Tell him how that night Callie told me she suspected Remus Lupin of seeing someone else because he was always sneaking into the Forbidden Forest at night. How she told me she was going to follow him and catch him. And how that night I promised Callie I wasn’t going to see her brother anymore, and then broke that promise.

I see the pain in his face. The confusion. The daunting look of never knowing what happened to his sister and realizing somethings are just better not knowing. I will bring justice to Callie, for the both of us. 

“We need each other,” he says, suddenly pulling me from my thoughts, and wraps a warm hand around my small one. I smile a little at the touch of his hand. Oh, how I’ve missed his touch.

Cairo pulls me closer to his chest, and begins leaving light kisses along my neck. A familiar shiver runs through my entire body and I lean into him more, reveling in his scent. He smells of soap and mints.

His lips find mine and we snog ferociously. Hands all over each other, feet trembling as we move to lie on the empty bench of the compartment. Our legs entwined with each other, pushing into each other for more. His hands under my top and cups my breasts and then he’s doing that thing I fancy with his tongue, flicking at my nipple.

Suddenly I’m not thinking of anything else, just that I want to get us out of our clothes. And we’re getting to just that until -

The train starts moving. And it’s like reality hits us all over again. This is exactly what we were doing while Callie was being murdered. Instead of telling her that going to the Forbidden Forest was a terrible idea, I even encouraged it. Why? Because I wanted to sneak behind her back and meet Cairo for a shagging session in one of our secret spots around the castle. If I knew what was going to happen, I would have stopped her.

“We can’t do this anymore,” I tell him as he slips the t-shirt I flung off him just moments ago, back on. We sit side by side.

“I knew you were going to say that.”

“Then why did you want to talk to me?” I asked him.

“To tell you that’s an awful idea. She would want us to be happy.”

I look away from him. “You don’t know what she would want. . .”

He looks at me quizzically. His sandy hair is a lopsided mess and all I want is to run my fingers through it, but I refrain from doing so. 

“I���ll always be your friend. But whatever ‘this’ is that we’ve been doing. . . It can’t happen anymore. I’m. . . working through stuff.”

He shakes his head. “You’re mad. Maude, I don’t want to be with anyone else, and I know you feel the same way!”

I can’t help but let the tears fall. “You’re wrong,” I lie to him and get up and leave the compartment before he can stop me. I walk a couple compartments down, thankful to have nobody in the way to see me crying. The last thing I need is someone to try and comfort and talk to me about Callie right now.

But then the compartment door beside me slides open and closes and none other than one of the damn Marauders themselves saunters out, laughing loudly. Probably about something stupid.

Sirius Black spots me instantly. He just stands there for the longest minute of both of our lives I think until he clears his throat. 

“Maude?” He says my name so softly. Of course Sirius Black would recognize me. I was only the best friend of one of his stupid possee members girlfriend. I wipe the tears off my face with the sleeve of my sweater and I know I look like a hideous mess but it’s just Black. As if I cared what he thought of me.

“I wish I had a handkerchief to give to you,” he says with a hint of amusement.

Surprising myself, I actually let out a short laugh. “You mean to tell me Gryffindors don’t just carry around handkerchiefs to give to girls in distress?”

He runs a hand through his shoulder length black hair, something I’ve noticed he does a lot. Especially during Charms exams.

“You’re funny,” he tells me. 

The door of the compartment I was in with Cairo slides open and he walks out, still fixing his hair. He sees us and we lock eyes for a moment, his questioning why on earth I’m having a conversation with notorious Sirius Black. I turn away from him and he walks in the opposite direction.

“Trouble in paradise?” Black asks me and I look to see him smirking at me.

“What? No. We’re just friends.”

Black scoffs and folds his arms around his chest, looking at me as if he caught me stealing cookies from the cookie tin. “You mean to tell me Hufflepuffs just go around lying out of their arses?”

Now I scoffed at him. “I don’t think it wise for you yourself to be calling one a liar, Black.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” I say quickly. Shit. I was so close to revealing to him that I know of their secret. I need to play this smart and dumb at the same time. “Fine. You’re right. He and I had a … thing, and he doesn’t seem to like that I’ve ended it.”

Black’s grey eyes turn cold and dark. “He’s giving you trouble?”

Shit. The last thing I want is for Sirius fucking Black to hex Cairo for something that’s barely the truth.

“No. He’s just upset. I’m sure he’ll be over it by the welcoming feast.”

His shoulders relax and I take a second to look at his face. He’s handsome, bloody hell. He has that “bad boy” vibe all the girls fancy about him. And he’s fit from playing Chaser for the Gryffindor team. And okay, his eyes are nice. They’re grey, and remind me of the morning fog in Autumn.

He’s still a murderer. Or at least an accomplice. I hope to see him and the rest of them in Azkaban by Christmas.

“I have to go. I have to find my friends before I’ve got nowhere to sit.” I say to him.

I think he looks almost disappointed but it disappears and he plasters on a handsome smile. “Right. Enjoy the feast, Bloomingdale.”

“You too.”

To call my roommates my ‘friends’ would be far-fetched. They’re more like acquaintances. And Callie was closer to them than I ever was. Well, close to two out of the three. She and Reyna never seemed to see eye-to-eye. Reyna always had a crush on Remus Lupin so when Callie began to date him, things got a little awkward in the dorm.

Still, she, Madelena, and Beth were more than welcoming when I knocked at their compartment door. Normally Callie and I would find one to sit just us two. But now . . . I don’t know, I’d rather sit with people I know than sit alone and be ‘that’ freak.

They talked about their summers and I quietly listened. Beth spent the summer visiting family in America and raved over New York City pizza. Madelena had a job at the magical camp called Camp Merlin. And I was slightly relieved to hear that Reyna had an equally as boring summer as I did.

Yet I was still not prepared when they all turned their eyes on me.

“What about you, Maude? Anything exciting happen during your summer?” Beth asks me, her green eyes full of excitement. I spot Madelena elbow her friend slightly, a weird look on her face.

“It was all right.” My answer seems to have disappointed her and the others try not to look at me, but I can feel the awkward tension in the room. “I mean, it was nothing compared to a summer in New York City! Tell me, I’m dying to know about American boys.”

Beth smiles wide and rambles on about the city and everything in it. We listen and giggle at Beth’s boy-crazy antics. I try to ignore Reyna’s watching eye as she keeps looking over at me, probably expecting me to break down and start crying at any second.

When the trolley lady appears asking us for anything on the trolley I get up quickly.

“Can I get a liquorice wand and a pumpkin pastry, please?”

The trolley lady nods her head and grabs my candy and pastry, “Yes, of course, sweetie,” she says and then looks up at me. Her eyes soften and the corners of her lips droop. “Oh, Miss. Bloomingdale.” She touches my shoulder warmly. “How are you, dear?”

“I’m fine,” I croak out and hand her the money I owe. She shakes her head. “That’s all right, dear. Don’t worry about it.” She tells me and then continues with her trolley to the next compartment, leaving me dazed.

[comfy-whumpee]

All Give

Ty watches Jim’s hands shake as he winds the compression bandage around Ty’s ribs. Ty holds very still, and tries to keep breathing deeply, and watches those hands tremble like they’re freezing cold.

 It hurts to breathe, right now. He banged himself on the kitchen counter and his ribs are so sensitive these days, pain lurking constantly, ready to launch itself into an attack at the slightest provocation. He’d sat, clutching the wound, trying to keep the air coming in, for the hour and a half before Jim got home from work.

 Jim is always exhausted, and Ty knows he doesn’t relax until he’s checked on him. If Ty is alright, he lets his tension go. If Ty has had a bad day, he doesn’t relax at all. He stays in work mode, businesslike, pushing down his feelings. He does everything he can to look after Ty without a word of complaint, night after night.

 But he has tells. He has his hands, always shaking, as he tends to his husband. This is the third night in a row that Ty has had something, and the guilt is eating at him, watching Jim grow more and more resigned to giving up his relaxation time.

 “How was work?” he offers, as Jim lets him go, ribs wrapped.

 “Fine,” Jim mutters automatically, packing up the first aid kit. It’s a lie. Not conscious, maybe, but not honest either.

 “You hungry?” Ty offers. There’s leftovers in the fridge, prepared last night for Jim’s late shift today. Another job on top of all the others, that Jim takes on for himself.

 “No, I ate on the bus.”

 The bus. Because Jim’s car is in for repairs. One extra weight on the camel’s back, not the last straw, not yet, but creeping ever closer.

 “Jim,” Ty says, and he feels the stammer try and grab the single word and break it. He takes a deep breath. “Jim, can you sit down, please?”

 Jim is halfway to the kitchen to return the first aid kit, the box that is stuffed with bandages and antiseptic and plasters and gauze and everything that it didn’t use to need, before Ty came home fragile and malnourished and so prone to overworking himself. He pauses, and Ty can see the reluctance in his shoulders and the way his body stays turned towards where he wanted to go. It was going to be his escape from this moment and a chance to breathe, compose himself, and layer over the exhaustion and frustration again so he can pretend Ty can’t see it.

 Most days, Ty pretends with him. But most days he doesn’t have the time and energy and – clear-headedness, perhaps – to tackle it. He lets Jim go take care of himself, because he needs to do the same.

 Not today. It’s the third day of this, and Jim is trying to avoid him.

“Sit down, please,” Ty requests, unable to keep the polite tone out of his voice. He’s halfway between his old therapist attitude and the nervous slave afraid to give orders.

 “What’s wrong?” Jim says, finally sitting down on the sofa with a sigh of surrender.

 What’s wrong, he asks, because when was the last time something wasn’t?

 “I’m worried about you,” Ty tells him.

 “Me?”

 He nods.

 Jim folds his hands, squeezing the shake out of them. “I’m fine, Ty, don’t worry about me. I’m just tired.”

 “Tired of what?”

 Jim doesn’t expect the question. “Work,” he says, blinking. “The usual.”

 “Lots of things are the usual. I’m – this,” Ty gestures to his ribs, “is the usual. Are you tired of that?”

 “No, no, I’m fine,” Jim repeats, and when he pauses, he meets Ty’s eyes. He sags a little, recognising he needs to give more. “It’s a lot, sure, but – it’s a lot for you. I just have to patch you up and stuff. Don’t worry about me.”

 “Why shouldn’t I worry about you?”

 Jim frowns. “Because you have to worry about yourself?”

 “I can do both.”

 “Really?”

 Ty considers that. His instinct says there’s no reason why not. Worrying about himself takes most of his energy, yes, but when he has it to spare, he should be able to give some attention to his husband. Most days he has that, and it’s not enough to really get through Jim’s shell and use it... But he thinks he’s been storing it up. He knows they need this conversation.

 So he doesn’t think Jim is right...but then, why does Jim say it? Jim knows how much energy you can give to others, he gives it to Ty every day, and it’s amazing, and Ty loves him so, so much for being willing to stick with him and not despair...

 Jim doesn’t think people can worry about others and themselves.

 Jim worries about others before himself. It’s been a constant worry of Ty’s ever since they got together. Jim is the kind of person who would make sure Ty had his life vest on before putting on his own, and if Ty asked him why, he’d get one of two answers. Things Jim has told him, in conversations like these. Things that Ty used to be able to tease apart and rearrange with him, before.

 You’re more important, he’d say. The philosophical argument had worked on that one. No one person is more important than others. Everyone is equal in that. You deserve as much care and attention as I do, and you deserve it from yourself.

 What if you can’t do it yourself? The other reason. Easier, in some ways, to counter. You don’t know that I can’t. You have to give me the chance to try, and while you do, look after yourself. When you’ve done that, if I’m still struggling, you can look after me.

 Harder to reason with now that Ty can’t do so many things.

 Jim has started to relax, thinking he’s deflected successfully. Ty rolls the words carefully in his mouth before saying them. “I can do both,” he reaffirms gently, “if you do both with me. When you need looking after, tell me.”

 Jim doesn’t shake his head, but the look on his face is as good as a rejection. “I can’t ask you to help me.”

 “Of course you can,” Ty returns. “I might not say yes, I might not be able to. But you can still ask. Why wouldn’t you?”

 “Because it’ll stress you out!” Jim winces as he hears his own voice rising. “Sorry,” he adds, lowering it again. “Sorry, I just – I don’t want to burden you with it, Ty.”

 He didn’t seem to realise how painful that was to hear. Ty scrunched his blanket in his hands, feeling his heart sting. “Am I a burden to you?” he asks.

 “No. No! Never.”

 “Then why would you be one to me?”

 “Because it’s different! You have so much stuff, you need the help, you – you need to put yourself first, so you can get through stuff. I’m just – I’m just being selfish, it’s your issues that we’re dealing with.”

 “In sickness and in health,” Ty says.

 “That’s different, Ty, that’s – you get someone through sickness and it’s over and they’re better. You might not ever – you don’t need to ever get better, I’ll look after you every day, so just – let me do this.”

 Ty breathes, and it hurts. It hurts his ribs and it hurts his chest, and his throat feels tight. It’s horrible, hearing how Jim feels about him. That he might not recover. That he might need looking after, every day, forever.

 That’s not what Jim means...but it’s how it feels. And he’d say that, normally, he thinks – but today it would just start another cycle of guilt.

 “Even if, if that were true,” he says, a compromise to his feelings, “you wouldn’t have to look after me. I kn-know it’s hard, I fin-nd it hard too.” He swallows again, willing the stammer to leave his words alone. “But we don’t have to, we can-n just, just leave it. Leave m-me. I’ll still be here tomorrow.”

 “I can’t just switch off from you, I can’t just leave you—”

 How many times, Ty wondered, would Jim describe his feelings with that minimising just?

 “...and if I did, then, it’d just be – more work the next day.”

 “Or I’d be okay,” Ty counters, as gently as he can with his voice shaking. “I’d m-manage, and be better when you wake up.”

 “But if you’re in pain—”

 “So are you,” Ty interrupted. “I know you’re tired, Jim, and you’re stiff and aching, just like me and my ribs. I can – I can do pain, I’ve survived a lot of pain. A few extra minutes of it while you eat or change clothes or just rest, that’s fine okay?”

 “It shouldn’t be fine.”

 “No, it shouldn’t, but – we can’t function on ideals.”

 Jim is about to respond when the words really hit. When his brain catches up to what Ty said, his mouth closes, and he really thinks, this time. He stops and thinks, the way he has barely done.

 Ty’s heart is racing and he hates the tension but he knows what Jim is thinking. Jim’s head is full of should – he should be better, he should be able to do this, he should be able to look after Ty without feeling exhausted and resentful and sad. He should be perfect. He should be everything.

 He shouldn’t have his own needs.

 “I...want you to be okay,” he admits slowly.

 Ty tries to smile for him. “I will be. Just...not all the time. Even before, I wasn’t okay all the time, remember?”

 Jim nods. They had their days. Bad days at work, or family drama, or the time his bibi broke her hip. Ty needed help then, and he needs it now, for very different reasons and in different ways, but...

 “Okay,” Jim accepts eventually. “And the same goes for me, I’m guessing?”

 Ty smiles. He wishes he could hug Jim, right now. “Yeah. You don’t have to be okay all the time, for my sake. You’re being all give, and – I want to give, sometimes, too.”

 “I can’t make you—”

 “You’re not,” Ty interrupts, firmly as he can. He needs to go and calm down, after this, his ribs hurt, but he can’t let that slide. “You don’t make me do anything, love. I do it because I want to, just like you want to.”

 Jim sits for a moment, looking at his lap. Then, in a halting voice, he admits, “I...don’t always want to.”

 “Then don’t.”

 “But then you—”

 “Will be fine. Not straight away, not easily, not without struggling, but that’s life, Jim, and you can’t protect me from everything. You shouldn’t try to. Let yourself fail, sometimes. Let yourself rest.”

 Jim’s hand shakes as he wipes his eyes.

 “Please, Jim.”

 “O-Okay. Yeah, I – I get it, that’s, okay. You’re right, as – as always. I love y-you.”

 The tearful smile Jim gives does wonders for Ty’s ribs. He smiles in relief. “I love you too. Now go to bed.”

[hamiltalian-creates]

Dreaming of Sleep, Pt 3

Summary: Remus can’t stop himself from telling someone, anyone, about his fun dreams anymore. He wants Deceit back, but gets something better. 

Ships: Loceit, Intrulogical

Warnings: None

Words: 1,696

Remus promised that he wouldn’t bother old Deceit at night, sure, but on that particular night, he’d had quite the dream! In fact, it was one of the rare dreams that he knew he’d have to keep far away from Thomas, almost enough to scare Remus himself! Of course he wanted Deceit to hear all about it!

“Dee!” Remus sang out as he wandered the halls of the Dark Side, knocking on Deceit’s door. He waited there for a few minutes, rocking back and forth on his feet, before knocking again. 

“Deceit! I have something wonderfully disgusting to share with you! Open the door before I smash it down!” he threatened, though it came out as more of a whine. 

Before long, Remus let out a frustrated huff as he realized that, once again, Deceit wasn't in his room. Most nights, he'd just let it go and talk to his friend in the morning, but that night's dream had been so particularly horrifying and he just wanted to let him know all about it! So, Remus headed out to the light side. After all, if Deceit had been anywhere in the Dark Side, he definitely would’ve come out before, even if just to yell at him about the time. 

He let himself in to each of their rooms, keeping note of the fact that they, of course, all trusted each other enough to not have to lock their doors at night, until he found Deceit in Logan’s room, all cuddled up against the nerd like a deadly teddy bear. 

Remus hummed joyously as he walked over, not stopping as he saw Logan wake up. 

“What are you doing?” Logan asked, surprisingly clearly for that time of night. 

“Well, I had this horrible dream and I wanted to tell Deceit all about it!” He climbed onto Logan’s bed and reached out to wake his friend, only stopped by the logical side grabbing his wrist. 

“Deceit’s asleep, as you can see, and I’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate if you were to wake him up,” Logan pointed out. “I’ve already woken up, why don’t you just tell me about it?” 

Remus laughed at that. “Like you can handle what I have to say.” 

“Well, it’s not like you’ve cared before,” Logan said as he reached for his glasses with his free hand, sensing that this was not going to be a very quick conversation. “Besides, seeing how deeply asleep Deceit is, I doubt he’d be able to give you his undivided attention if you woke him up. I, on the other hand, could and will do that for you right now.”

Remus laughed at that. 

“Did I say something that you found entertaining?”

“Oh, please!” Remus practically screeched through his laughter, the late hour being the last thing on his mind. “‘Undivided attention’? Nobody ever gives me that, especially when it comes to these kinds of dreams. If you’re going to exaggerate to try and convince me, you should at least say something believable.” 

"Oh...” Logan's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and surprise, though someone looking a little closer might’ve seen an empathetic spark. “Well... I guess I'll be the first. I have no reason to lie and no reason not to pay attention." He shrugged and patted the space in the bed beside him, partially hoping to get Remus away from Deceit and partially because, of course, he wanted to hear him better. 

Remus’s eyes immediately lit up and he jumped over to Logan's side of the bed, almost like an excited dog as he sat on Logan’s legs with a wide grin. Simply put, Remus knew that Logan had no reason to lie. Even if he was, it would’ve at least been nice to pretend he was listening. "It started with this cute little kitten." 

It was at least a half hour before Remus finished his story and, despite the late hour, the creative side was still high on the moment, having never found someone who just... willingly listened to what he had to say. Nor had he found someone who didn't interrupt him out of fear or, more likely, disgust, and here was someone who did both! Logan even added on his own comments on how completely plausible or almost realistic the events of the dream were or how much they weren't. 

Remus felt electrified by the experience and didn't feel a single effect of the late hour until he was reaching the horrifying end of his story, yawning through it and letting his head rest in Logan’s lap, allowing the logical side to run his fingers through his hair. 

“But those are one of the dreams I don’t show Thomas for a reason... After all, he’d never go near a stray cat again and you know how much he loves cats,” Remus muttered as he finished his story, crawling under the blankets and sprawling out beneath them, his head on Logan’s chest. 

“True, but perhaps a dream like that would get him to actually stop purposefully aggravating his allergies, since Patton is typically the one he actually listens to on the matter.”

Remus chuckled and looked up at Logan. “Was that a joke? Are you making jokes now, you little nerd-smith?”

Logan thought for a second before nodding. “Yes.. Yes, I suppose I am.” 

“Well, it was an adorable little first try,” Remus hummed as he leaned up and kissed Logan’s nose. 

Logan felt his face heat up, but did his best to hide the reaction, not wanting to give Remus any sort of metaphorical ammo to tease him with. “We should get to sleep,” he commented instead. “Unless there was something else you needed before you were able to-” Logan cut himself off as he jumped a bit, startled by Remus’s sudden collapse against him. Before he could check to see if the other was okay, though, Remus began softly snoring. Logan allowed himself to give the smallest smile before leaning back against the headboard, seeing as Remus didn’t exactly leave him room to lay back down, and falling asleep. 

Deceit was the first one to wake up in the morning, and only because of the added weight pressing against his face. His eyes snapped open and he attempted to sit up, stopped by the same weight laying over his arm. Remus’s weight, he quickly realized. Adding his presence to the way Logan was sleeping upright, it was no mystery what had happened, Deceit realized, feeling his stomach sink. 

Remus could never just sleep after certain creative outbursts and Deceit was always the one who he went to to talk about them. Just the thought of Remus harassing Logan because of course the logical side was too polite - or, rather, too smart - to turn him away made Deceit shudder. It didn’t take a genius to realize that Remus only came to find Deceit. What if Logan decided this was too much trouble? What if he made Deceit go back to his room every night? What if he told the rest of the sides about his sleeping troubles? What if-

“Deceit?” 

Deceit was snapped out of his trance by that familiarly calm and almost worried voice. 

“You seemed to be in your own metaphorical world for a second there. And you look worried. What’s wrong?”

What was wrong? Surely that was some sort of test. “I just... I’m really sorry about Remus coming, I didn’t think he’d actually come looking for me like this, you shouldn’t have had to deal with him and-”

“Deceit?”

“I swear I put a padlock on his door, but sometimes, nothing can stop him from-”

“Deceit,” Logan repeated, his voice a bit more emphatic as he attempted to calm down the panicked side. Luckily, it seemed to work, Deceit looking up at him with a hint of fear in his eyes. Logan sighed and gently patted the top of Deceit’s head, hoping to calm him further. “I’m not upset about Remus coming here.”

Deceit opened his mouth to question him before stopping. He could usually hear a lie like a dissonant chord, but, in that sentence... He couldn’t sense anything. “You... You mean that?..”

“Of course I do. Remus needed to be heard and you needed to sleep. I merely gave a simple solution to the issue,” Logan explained, once again absentmindedly running his fingers through Remus’s hair. It was a bit rough, but Logan rather enjoyed feeling that texture. “Besides, it was somewhat... Interesting. Hearing what goes through his head. Of course, I know he’d never make Thomas act out on these thoughts, so I don’t see the harm in allowing him to just talk about them with me.” 

Of course, Deceit had thought about that before, he never meant to particularly hurt his friend, but guts and gore just wasn’t his cup of tea. “Well, I’m... I’m glad he didn’t upset you..”

“Not in the slightest. Of course, I do wish it had been a more convenient time, but it’s not like he can particularly control these creative outbursts.”

Deceit let out a sigh of disbelief. He’d never heard anybody saying that they didn’t mind hearing Remus’s... “Ideas,” much less that they didn’t mind being woken up in the middle of the night and doing so, just to keep another side from having to go through the same thing. He really was incredibly lucky to have gotten closer to Logan... 

Pretending to sleep and staying as still as he could, Remus listened in. It was almost impossible to hide his grin as he heard Logan talking about him. Logan thought his dreams were interesting... Logan didn’t think Remus was annoying... Of course, Remus did make an effort to be annoying at times - he wouldn’t exactly be very intrusive if he didn’t - but he could only take so much ridicule and looks of disgust and ignoring, god, he hated the ignoring. But things were different here. Logan listened to him... Remus smiled to himself and held Logan a bit tighter. After all, Remus had a bit more in common with Roman than just being creativity. Remus’s feelings grew fast and he wasn’t nearly as nervous as Deceit about showing it. 

Tag List: @readytobakebread @theoddkidnextdoor @an-absolute-failure

[robbyrobinson]

The Time I Met the Upside-Down Face Man

For @slimyswampghost (happy birthday)

Many may find it crazy what I am going to say, but I have seen this man. Except he was a crude, cardboard cut-out of one. I don’t know why he singled me out in particular, but ever since that fateful day, I feel that he is always close to me more than I would appreciate. I was a family man with a wife and three kids, the eldest of the two being girls and one baby boy around 2 months old. They were all riding in the back of my mini-van with the wife up front. We were all heading out on a trip to see my wife’s parents. We left our house roughly at 4 in the afternoon. 

We traveled along the highway without much issue. I was driving the required speed limit, and the other vehicles around us were also heeding to the rules. I don’t remember what I have done at that moment, maybe it had to do with my wife wanting to ask me something, but whatever the case, a cement truck suddenly hit a bad place in the road and skid in the direction of our mini-van. The last I remembered was my wife screaming at me to swerve and my daughters’ panicking. I tried the best that I could to move at the last minute, but the cement truck slammed against the the driver’s side. I yelled at my family to shield themselves from the brunt force as best as they could. Before my vision became immersed in absolute darkness, I heard more vehicles attempting to hit their breaks to slow their speed. 

Around two hours later, I regained consciousness and saw that I was in a gurney. Even with the slightest movement it hurt immeasurably. I looked to my side to see an IV needle injected in my right wrist. Over me there was a dark-brown haired nurse observing me. She explained that when I lost consciousness, the paramedics arrived and tended to the wounded. She mentioned that I had sustained two broken ribs and my leg needed a few stitches. But otherwise I was okay. But when I asked her about my wife and kids, she was hesitant in her answer, but I didn’t even have to wait for a response because I saw from the corner of my eye I beheld four body bags being lifted into the back of an ambulance truck. My eyes widened in disbelief. I was stammering. No...no!! I did not want to believe it. It must’ve been a bad dream. It had to be. I was just sleeping and any minute, I’d wake up. My sights were becoming fuzzy from the hot tears seeping from my eyes. A few more ambulance trucks arrived and collected roughly around 10 more body bags the last being the driver of the cement truck.

I spent roughly a week in the hospital recovering from the accident. It was unbearable. News spread about the horrific car accidents getting heavy coverage on news stations. Of course, the photos were leaked out of the accident, but opted to censor out the more graphic photographs. I was browsing the television channels when the first photograph appeared. It was of the truck driver. Somehow, despite being horribly mangled, he was able to crawl about an inch away from his driver’s door. The metal pieces of his truck were deeply implanted in his leg with a trail of blood accompanying him. Gruesome, but something seemed...off. I didn’t recognize it at first, but it became more clear to me: there was a man standing there in front of the truck driver.

It was something that was not of this world.

He was dressed in black with a blood-red tie. He stood at a starkly tall 9 ft, 2 in. But most bizarre about his appearance was his face. By god, his face. Dark black hair was in the place where his chin should be. He had a manic glare in his eyes that looked directly at the photographer. His mouth was twisted into a wide, ludicrous smile delighted at the events around him.But his orifices were all wrong: his mouth was on top and his eyes at the bottom of his feet close to his black hair. His physique was as an emaciated skeleton with nary a bit of fatness on him. He towered over the man when the truck driver did an odd thing: he extended his hand in the direction of the mysterious man. He expired no less than a few seconds when the photo was taken.

More photos appeared with the same upside-down faced man in them and doing the same gimmick: standing close or by the dying, and the dying seem to acknowledge his presence and are asking him for assistance. But for whatever nefarious reason, he refused to grant them it his wide grin growing progressively larger and more deranged. I cupped my hands in disbelief at what I was seeing. One more picture was up. I grimaced, but I knew I had to see it. I opened my eyes and saw that same horrible man practically levitating above my wife. Her legs were broken and beyond repair but she somehow managed to crawl to the passenger’s side. My second born daughter was impaled by the shards of glass and bleeding out badly. Mercifully my other daughter and son died upon impact, but that was really as comparable to getting a bee sting than getting attacked by a shark. My daughter was quickly losing consciousness. Before going into shock, one of my nurses mentioned her saying something of the Tall Man jeering them. 

My hands formed into tight fists. Whatever this man was, he was not of this realm. I knew deep down in my heart that he was some sort of parasite whether from space or a parallel dimension it did not matter. Whoever -- pray whatever -- this creature was, he took sick satisfaction in completely desecrating my life I believe to feed on the negative emotions like some energy vampire. I spent the rest of my life sleeping with one eye open because I knew through hell and back, and snow and sleet, he was always watching. Contemplating his next move.