#like ok. im a pessimist sure. but i do know

[cielospeaks]

low self esteem strikes again! im suffering

[420technoblazeit]

although i dont believe that there werent also some transandrophobics under the outcry against finnster, there was good reasons why he was being critizised. have you seen all the times he used the t slur? he used to be pro trump if im not wrong. also his "efforts" are only attempts of burying his past and he doesnt really deserve a redemption arc since he still plays with that sissyfication kink thing, which simply fetishizes trans women. finnster has been outwardly hateful towards a group and then profits off of it. no im sorry he gotta go! im not even a trans woman but i would be pissed off too if someone bullied me and then started copying the things i get bullied for

ok well i AM trans and genderfluid and you dont fucking speak for me. we gotta get rid of this idea that just because someone was bigoted in the past they can't change as a person and move away from those beliefs because otherwise nobody's gonna actually want to change. this is such a pessimistic way to view people and call me naive but i want to believe that people can change and not be stuck in their ways

i know i sure as hell said some shit when i was first figuring out my identity because i was in a heavily transphobic environment. that kind of stuff happens, not everyone grows up in a place that's super supportive and a lot of the time you internalize it or end up parroting nasty shit. the difference is i wasn't going through that kind of thing as a highly public streamer where people could record and repost every single thing i said and spread it around for years

also i want you to ask yourself if this sissyfication kink thing is actually problematic or if he's just comfortable with his sexuality and posting thirst traps like a whole bunch of other content creators do. would this actually be a problem if he wasn't trans. be honest

[grecoromanyaoi]

ok decided to post this publicly. the current name is 'when in rome' but im not sure i like it. it will ideally b a sitcom/comedy but unfortunately i keep putting in terrible and horrendous things into the plot that make it kinda hard to b a strictly comedy. like theyre a rich family in 1st century bc rome (60 bc to b exact). theyre imperialists. they have slaves. im trying to b as respectful as i can + trying to b comical so more under the cut. the characters r v basic for now.

so basically its abt the avianii, a rich patrician family. the parents are lucius avianus honorinus (sr) and cantilia. they have 5 children- lucius (jr), tiberius, aviana the elder, gaius and aviana the younger.

Lucius Avianus Honorinus (jr) is one of the main characters. he is kind of a loser.  He hates doing what he’s told. He hates not fitting in, but he also hates everything fitting in requires, because it's just not him. He’s neurotic, obsessed with getting positive reassurance. He can’t find it in society or his family, so he looks for it in sexual partners. He wants to be loved, to be desired, to be appreciated in any way. He’s desperate for it. Wants to please his parents and society but knows he never truly will. He wants to be a poet. His poetry is not great. hes got a working class greek immigrant bf and theyre being weird and gay abt it. he doesnt identify as nonbinary bc that label or idea didnt rly exist yet, but if he were alive today hed probably identify as nonbinary.

Lysandros (said bf) is realistic, sometimes borderline pessimistic. Grounded in reality. He’s sarcastic (deadpan snarker). He’s hilarious. He is a stonemason? smith? goldsmith? baker? builder? He’s good at his job, whatever it is. His wife, Laodike, and mother are back in Boeotia, and he sends them money. He doesn’t particularly like his wife, and she doesn’t like him either. They have a kid, Aristokles, who Lysandros figures isn’t his.

Aviana (the elder) is also a main character. she is a bit odd. Kind of a goofball. She says whatever she thinks all the time, never once stopping to think whether it’s appropriate or what the consequences will be. An autism diagnosis will do her a great good. She’s far from stupid, but people often think she is because they don’t understand the way she thinks. Often oblivious to situations around her, but sometimes understands/figures out more than she lets on. she dreams of a great love, but gets married to a man who turns out to b rly shitty and abusive, so she cheats on him w Adiantunnos, her gaulish (gaelic? idk. from gaul) bf who actually respects her (who is the only good parisian perhaps to this day).

Tiberius Avianus Honorinus is way too into the military and makes it his entire personality bona dea Tiberius shut uppppp nobody wants to hear abt ur siege in germania for the umpteenth time. He definitely takes after his father (i need to continue this im lazy)

Gaius Avianus Honorinus doesn’t talk at all. He is a high support autistic, and very likely has some sort of an intellectual disability as well. He likes listening to music, but only to very specific music. He only likes women’s singing, not men’s singing. his siblings (aside from Tiberius) love him very much, but Diotima (enslaved character) is the only one who understands him and knows how to care for him.

Aviana (the younger) is like 9 so i havent really thought about her yet.

Cantilia is a bit of a bully. She wants all her children to present as perfect, and for them to look like the perfect family. The fact that she rarely cares about her children’s feelings, wants or needs, and even Gaius’ mere existence makes it impossible for her to present them as the perfect family. Often jealous and especially mean to young women in her husband’s vicinity, especially to Boudilatis (enslaved character), because he pays them more attention than he does her.

Lucius Avianus Honorinus (father) is high key a terrible person. He definitely has autism but he displays it in ways that pass it off as his “man traits”, for example how he talks about politics and the military almost nonstop. He doesn’t understand his wife nor his children and doesn’t care to. Can be very cruel to his wife and children, and even worse to the slaves. He wants his children to be perfect, and for his sons, when he says ‘perfect’ he means ‘just like him’. He is only proud of Tiberius because he follows in his footsteps and succeeds at a military career. He is very disappointed in Lucius, but claims that “at least he’s not Gaius”. Highly misogynistic and homophobic, and quite a womanizer.

im trying to avoid anything controversial n racist so im keeping all the enslaved characters "white" (not how they saw race but whatever), mostly greek and gaulish, which were v common. Diotima will probably b a main character. she is the oldest one, and practically raised the children. she doesnt give a fuck anymore. she literally says to lucius one time 'theres nothing ur parents can do to me that they havent already done' (after he said they would get mad at her). her father was a prominent scholar in Greece, and he named her after a character in plato's symposium. he and his family were enslaved after he tried to lead a rebellion against the romans. she is extremely intelligent and has a vast range of knowledge about philosophy, literature, history, etc. its just that nobody knows this bc they didnt care to ask.

[infoglitch]

I have opinions. On jaune. (Shipping wise)

To clarify this is just my opinion. And my opinion is

garbage

But I want to talk about my favorite noodle so stfu Im talking.

And this is not me going "oh this is how jaune should be treated in every single shiping fic". This is just me acting like I have a huge dick and stating my terrible, terrible opinions.

Let's start.

1: jaune doesn't get bitches. The Bitches, get him.

Not to some of you I know you're all kicking screaming vomiting and crying because "obobobo b-but jaune has to pull bitches! I-its the only way I can escape this cr-"

SHUT

First, Jaune is not a self insert nor is he a character we project ourselves on. he is a character who has flaws and has his own personality.

He's an idiot and most of the times is a pessimist trying to be an optimist.

He gets things wrong, and he does really dumb stuff like faking his transcripts. He's not you, he's not me, he's not anyone else aside from Jaune

So when I say he doesn't get bitches, that's not being mean it's just kind of the truth, Jaune does not have a lot of confidence and when he does flirt he does it in really terrible ways, (just ask V1-3 Weiss)

But that's not everything I say because I also made sure to add that the bitches get him. Jaune is the kind of character who fails when he's trying because hes trying to seem like he's got things under control, he's going overboard which results in him comically failing, but when he's just being himself being a genuine person he does things really well. He is very much terrible at flirting and man has no skill with women, and he lacks confidence. Which leads to number 2.

2: Jaune is not cool. (In a good way)

Look I love my noodle man but even I can admit he is cringy. He does things to the max when he sets his mind to it which will fail. Because when he does those things he doesn't have either the confidence or the understanding he needs to do it. Take literally any attempt with Weiss he's tried asking her out, he's failed constantly because one he tries to impress which with Weiss makes him seem like he's just another fake face, after her heart for her name (which he isn't, it's just due to misunderstanding) he runs head first without the context or the confidence. He tries to impress but he comes off awkward like he doesn't know what he's doing. (Like that one time he tried asking her to the dance by playing the guitar and FAILING miserably.)

But just because jaune doesn't have the confidence or understanding doesn't mean he can't be cool.

He just can't be cool all the time. Jaune is a terrible liar and he's just upfront alot of the time. He's genuine and he is metaphorically unable to actually hurt people without getting welled up with emotions.

He's only killed ONE person, ONE actual person and we all know what that did to me. He broke and he was probably horribly traumatized.

Next is number 3

3: JAUNE IS NOT A SEX PRO.

Do I even need to elaborate on this? Please I don't want to elaborate on this!

I have to? Oh god... Ok FINE I'll elaborate

There are many, MANY jaune fics that I don't like in certain aspects. And if their smut expecting to see atleast one thing.

Jaune not being a Dom. Or you know, not having experience.

Jaune.. is a idiot and he's... He's not skilled in a lot of things. And one thing that just BURNS me is jaune switching up and being all dominant and aggressive (that's one of the things I wanna avoid writing jaune as)

Just let the noodle be tender or Inexperienced, At least if this is his first time.

And on a semi-related note I remember reading this one nightshade fanfic that I really liked, where it had Blake asking Weiss for advice on Jaune when it came to sex and in the fic Blake had experience meanwhile jaune didn't and was nervous if they did fuck he wouldnt reach a vague standard he put. It was a really good fic, it was really hot as well and I can't find it and it drives me up the fuckin wall because I really wanna read it again because it helped prove my point when it comes to jaune having sex and it's just- UGH. (Please if you know what the fick is just message me the link I beg you, PLEASE of you find send it to ME!)

Look I just REALLY like jaune (to a concerning degree even) and I just REALLY wanna talk about how I view him and I just... I just can't cause I suck at writing essays cause my brains just-

"ok I'm gonna write this- OH I GOT A NEW IDEA IM GONNA WRITE THIS- oh but theres also this and- BUNNY RABBIT"

Ugh I hate my brain and my attention span.

Anyway my trashy opinions on my second favorite character aside. Have a golden day and cheers.

Rock on till ya drop tata mothafuckers 🤘

[danvillecheese]

why do u think act ur age is fucked

[cracks knuckles] alright. essay time. you asked for it.

I’ve done a similar response to this before here and mentioned something else about it here but I’ll go over it again since those posts are both from a while ago. also bear in mind I haven’t seen aya recently bc I don’t like it. okay let’s get into it

[also im gonna preface this saying maybe i sound very pessimistic but im ranting and its just gonna sound like im complaining because i am. i mean no real malice by the way. im simply a person with a blog.]

first off. they don’t use the show don’t tell as well as they could. in the what might have been montage, sure, they showed potential scenarios and how phineas felt (very briefly) when isa stopped visiting his backyard but it just feels so rushed. I get that they only had like 11 minutes to show it but idk there has to be another way to write it. or just not have it at all idk its just from a writing point of view the whole episode feels rushed and out of place from everything else continuity-wise. why not use little easter eggs planted in the show beforehand? operation crumbcake? pharmacists? meapless in seattle? god theres so many episodes with evidence that phineas liked her back even if he didnt know. just. continuity!!!!

second. why did their friends not try something sooner. it’s not like they didn’t know. like phineas seems to be okay with saying “i wish! i am so in the friend zone there” in front of his friends (that quote alone makes me lose my shit but that’s a whole other point) so clearly they knew about phineas. and isabella also wasn’t quiet about it (source: pnf s1-4). they had like four years of high school to do something and they planned it the day isa left for college? nah its just the least realistic thing ever for me. also them being 18 is like yeah okay maybe the slow burn was worth it and theyre way more grown up (i love a good slowburn) but ohhhhhh my god SURELY their friends were getting sick of them dancing around each other. just me?

third. and I’m sorry to ash simpson but oh my god I hate the character designs like They Would Not Fucking Look Like That. it almost feels like it completely disregards their arcs during the original summer. like yeah child chub disappears over ur teen years but sometimes it stays a little longer! make phineas less twiggy!! make isa look more like her mother! (am i about to redesign them again? whoops)

four. and i know this is no fault of dan and swampy but the show was about to end anyways and yet the entire friend group was paired off into hetero ships?? get fucking real. none of those kids are straight. realistically, i know it was a different time and gay marriage wasnt even legal in the us yet so it wasnt all that common to have queer romance on screen let alone on disney channel but like i said, the show was about to end. what were the disney channel execs gonna do? cancel it? lmao

five. "I am so in the friend zone there." "we are guys. we do not talk about our feelings." WHAT!!! i cant believe this shit is real. these lines of dialogue are canon. what the hell. what kind of message does that even send to younger, impressionable viewers? if ur a 10 year old boy watching that (ok fine maybe that isnt gonna stick with you forever but listen) and you go 'oh its okay to just bottle everything up and not tell my friends about my feelings about anything ever' that is insane! thats not how things should go!! like i get the whole "im so in the friend zone" and yes, this also has to do with the era but like if they wanted to be a more progressive cartoon that kids look up to and enjoy maybe they just. shouldn't have put that whole conversation in.

i barely have any problems with the b plot. in fact id watch the episode just for the kazoo solo. because that plot lines up with the continuity. i can totally see heinz having bowling night with perry and carl and monogram every week! i can totally see perry and monogram retired! and carl running owca and getting payed for it! that all checks out! that one makes sense and works with the canon! if they got that plot so right how did they get the a plot so wrong?

i can answer this question: fanservice. its an awful word, i know. act your age is a fanservicey episode which is why i think it crashed and burned. mml season 2 is rooted in the same issue: doof is very present and takes away from the original plot of the show. like, the one he wasnt even in until the last episode of s1. slightly getting off topic but it is the crux of the issue. fanservice doesnt make for good storytelling. even if it brings in the big bucks. at its core, telling the story the way it should be told is the best one. even if it pisses people off. a good portion of the viewers will still appreciate whatever ending the creators come up with. and no, im not saying phinbella shouldn't have become canon, in fact i really like the ship and all their dynamics, i just think they went about it the wrong way.

as someone who's written and published fic about them getting together in different universes (granted, they were from when i was younger so its mildly terrible. take them with a grain of salt) there are a lot of other ways to tell that story canonically. honestly, i think the best way of doing it was to keep it ambiguous. dont tell that story. let the viewers pick their own ending for phineas and isabella. maybe they dont get together after all. who knows!

thanks for the ask! hope you had fun getting lectured <3

[ezlo-x]

god ok i need to get it off my mind or it will eat me alive or I will forget my actual thoughts abt it sooo here I go

Hi...soo this is me talking abt the current Dragon Tears that I obtained. Yesterday I got Dragon tear #5 and today I managed to get #6 and #7 and...yeah. I was originally planning to hold on my thoughts until I completed the Gerudo Region but what I saw in those memories I have things to say and idk how long it would take me to complete it so I'm starting with the dragon tear memories. (also sadly no in-game/cutscene screenshots this time around cause I kept forgetting and didn't took any </3)

So Tear #5 we got more to "know" abt Ganondorf. Where he apologizes abt what he did in Tear #4 to Rauru and Sonia. And I think I'm just going to share what I said last night abt it

Sooo I wasn't expecting this type of writting with Ganondorf. I obviously sound very emotional in these messages cause I was heading straight to sleep after I got the cutscene, I don't think totk Ganondorf is worse than oot Ganondorf. I think he's a different kind of badly written meanwhile with OoT I can cut him some slack where he's technically the first Ganondorf from an old console game yada yada. Also worldbuild of Zonai?? No? Ganondorf is just gonna casually throw that dialogue that Zonai were once gods or smth like that and never mention it again ok. And like I said in those messages I think what Ganondorf said abt Rauru marrying Sonia was so ughhhhhhhhhh like really? We're gonna make him racist cause you couldn't add depth to a villain really? And his motives abt wanting to become king is just...that he has no motives he has no reason on why he wants to do it just cause he's EVILLLL and he has EVILLL intentions OOOOOOOOOOO like fuck off. How is it possible that nintendo was able to give him depth in Wind Waker and then water down his character to "ummm cringe that YOU as a Zonai married a Hylian Woman you're a beta 🤓" Nintendo says, "we don't want people to like him or find him interesting he's the bad guy! make him say something racist and give him no clear motive on why he wants to do what he wants to do he's EVILLL you're not supposed to root for him!!"

But sure give him no motive on why he wants to do this other than being evil. Nintendo is honestly better off writing comedic villains with dark lore (Kohga) I knew that they would never reach WW Ganondorf levels of good but from what im seeing like wooowww

anyways to add a glimpse of hope Tear #6 came clutch w Sonia and Rauru. I loved the dynamic they both have with Zelda they're like parents to her...wah and I simply adored how Sonia mentions Link like a mother asking for who's that cute boy you've been talking to? and Rauru being so curious to meet him. This memory was so cute I would love to wish blissful of this family living happily.

Final memory I currently got is Tear #7 and ohhhhh this is the one that just drained me.

So Sonia dies, I was honestly like surprised or shocked idk I was not expecting it good ol gotcha moment. and YES I SAW GANONDORF'S NASTY SMILE THAT ACTUALLY FREAKED ME OUT LIKE EW

AND I was sad that we're not going to see Sonia anymore rlly loved her I was hoping for more of her as a character. But yeah I was in shambles when that cutscene happened, like once I got the cutscene I just closed the game cause I just wanted to process what happened.

And that is all I have, sorry if I sound more pessimistic and negative this time around. Just realizing where they are going with Ganondorf just put me into the 10 stages of grief. Looking forward more to the story and the characters just not Ganondorf

[obsoleteozymandias]

HIIII is it okay if i ask for a twst matchup? im a big fan of ur blog!! :3

so a bit about me, im a she/her but honestly i don't mind any pronouns, my gender expression is all over the place and i like experimenting a lot!

im an optimistic and sensitive person and i always try my best to be kind, polite and friendly towards everyone. being all happy and sunshine-y comes naturally to me 😼 i can be a bit moody due to my social anxiety but i try really hard to just be myself and do whatever i want, regardless of what other people might think of me😇😇

im creative and curious and i like having fun!!! my friends often describe me as weird, but like in a good way, as if im some strange whimsical creature. im super artsy and express my weird style proudly, both in the way i dress and how i present myself ‼️‼️‼️ i know physical appearance probably doesn't matter, but for a long while ive had a buzz cut despite being very feminine otherwise :3 fun times. nowadays im trying to grow a mullet

hobbieees. oh i have many. overall i enjoy anything crafty that requires using my hands, so i spend my free time drawing, building stuff, playing instruments, sewing clothes or plushies. i like to study, both for school and to satiate my personal curiosity on random topics :Dddd i also really like the outdoors and often explore new local and even far away places just for the fun of it ✌️ i constantly try new things and activities and just try to live my life to the fullest

i like nature, art, animals, bugs. iam a huge bug lover. the stranger the bug the better 🙏💞 i like learning new things, i like space, horror movies, sweet food, music, mangos, flowers, funky earrings. i like a lot of things.... on the other hand there's not much things i dislike, except for the usual like.... idk bad people, hate, drama. but yeah everyone dislikes that. specific things that i don't like however are getting yelled at, being babied/underestimated and having to deal with ppl who are way too pessimistic. it can be exhausting!!

there aren't any characters i wouldn't want to be matched up with, but my favs are floyd, malleus, jack and sebek if that helps! 🥳

ok this was really long 💔 thank u for reading it all!!! hope u have a great day!!! 💫

My first fan! Your reward: the satisfaction of knowing I’m twisting my hair and kicking my feet and giggling while I read this. Also, apologies for the delay.

== Twisted Wonderland ==>

I match you up with…

Lilia Vanrouge 

Pre-relationship:

Lilia is glad to have another sunshine-y person around such a dour school. You two are fast friends, and he wonders if you wouldn’t be better suited to RSA what with your kindness and positivity. 

Regardless, he’s glad to have made such a lovely friend. 

He’s your number one fan when it comes to embracing your hobbies or weirdness. He does the same, and so the two of you spend a lot of time talking about your passions and exploring new things together. 

He buys you strange clothes and trinkets all the time, like a crow collecting shiny things. Some of the stuff he brings you is truly strange, and you’re not sure how he got his hands on it…but it’s the thought that counts, right? 

He will 100% want you involved in the pop music club, whether that’s playing an instrument or making posters. He just likes having you around whenever he can; you’re like a ray of sun to him. 

Confession: 

Lilia denied his feelings for you at first. He knew that his history was violent and much longer than yours, and he felt that he could never expose you to that part of himself. 

But one way or another, you find out, and when you accept and embrace him, I imagine he feels such love and affection for you that he almost confesses right there and then. 

He takes his time to plan the confession: taking you on a trip to see something cool, and then asking at just the right moment, like the romantic he is. 

Relationship:

Lilia would want to take you to see the world with him. You two would spend all vacations in different countries and cities, taking in the world and spending all of your time together. 

Some dates are just the two of you staying home and learning together, though. If one of you sees something they’re interested in, the whole evening can be spent learning about it side by side, exchanging kisses between paragraphs and documentaries. 

The best part of the relationship is that you and Lilia push eachother to experience new things, whether that be you showing him creepy bugs, or him taking you skydiving. 

You two never fail to bring out the best in one another, and have so much fun along the way. 

[kidge-planet]

Krolia ships Kidge krolia: Ok son, now that war is over, you've got to find yourself someone to procreat.

keith: tooooo whaaaat now?!

krolia:you are a man and you are 23. Don't waste more time.

keith: hold on, what age did you had me?

krolia: that is not important. now, you've got to know that galrans are having kids has soon as they can. generally, galrans have huge famillys but unfortunately, war destroyed that aspect. I couldn't have more kids. but now that you can, im pretty optimist. what do you think of axca? she is a beautiful woman, a great fighter and she is half galra, just like you! plus, you two seem to have a thing!

keith: EWWW! what!? me and Axca?! no thanks! she is sure all you said but not my type! she is just a friend I guess and I had never had a talk that wasn't involving war with her. plus, she seem pretty pessimist and too serious. not my cup of tea!

krolia: Ok! so you want someone that is optimist.. WHAT DO YOU THINK OFF ROMELLE?!

Keith: Romelle? are you serious? I mean, she is nice and everything but do you really see me with her ?! I know I said the opposite before but I would like someone more serious then Romelle. like, someone that know when to be serious and when to not.. also,I think that I want someone smarter then Romelle. Not that she is not, but you knowwww... I feel like she is still a child in her mind somehow. I think I'd want someone that is smart enough to know what they want and where they're going. you see what I mean? like, someone mature enough.

krolia: serious only when the situation involves it ....smart... knows what they want and where they're going.... mature enough... I don't know anyone like it.

krolia:...

krolia: WAIT.

krolia: What do you think of Katie!? Colleen told me that she wanted grandkids too! keith, she is exactly coressponding to your descriptions! She is pretty and smart! perfect to have beautiful and smart babys!

Keith: MOM IT'S NOT ABOUT THE BABYS! IM NOT PLANING TO BE A FATHER YET!

Krolia: YOU DIDN'T SAY NO FOR KATIE (and you are blushing hard) ! IM CALLING COLLEEN TO PLAN YOUR WEDDING NOW! I CAN'T WAIT!

Keith: WEDDING?! MOM NO!

Krolia: MOM, YES!

bonus:

colleen: KATIE, HONEY! I HAVE GREAT NEWS! pidge: What is it? colleen: you are getting married next week! we've got to find you a dress and everything! IM SO EXITED!!!! pidge: WHAT THE QUIZNACK ?!?

[dolokhoded]

80s jesus 'verse disciple headcanons pt. 3 (jesus, judas, jb)

my sincere apologies i know i said i'd bost judas "in a little bit" about. 2 weeks ago. here they are. @ that one anon who asked me about judas, my brain works very slowly, there he is

JESUS

ok starting off jesus is gender wacky. idk what he is i use he/him for him but calling him a man feels off. he's my favorite gender identity which is wack.

being somewhat divine does that to you you don't really care for the labels society has completely made up. ANYWAYS

i don't even know what i'm gonna write for jesus i'm sure you know what kinda guy jesus was. 

okay. grew up in nazareth with his parents miriam and yosef and his siblings 

(don't ask me why im using the hebrew form of names for the parents but not jesus himself. it's because we have a hundred marys.)

he has three siblings, two sisters and one brother, and he's older than all of them with a pretty big age gap, he was kind of an accidental pregnancy

(or, y'know, the son of god. but who knows ! )

had a relatively normal life compared to everyone else. i guess reparations for how well his life went last time idk.

jesus is also the only one out of them all who has somewhat of a sense that they've all existed together somewhere before ? he doesn't clearly remember any of it, but he did recognize his disciples when he met them.

he also has a lot of nightmares. they're vague, but very painful.

anyways aside from that pretty decent upbringing. he always knew that he wanted to help people as much as he can.

he learned carpentry from his dad and although he did study political science he ended up just running his father's shop.

however of course he also runs his organization ! which i really struggle to pick a main cause for because like it's jesus ? i feel like he'd care about anything that helps people he's just trying to make the world a little better.

idk. i'll think about it.

before he was doing that he was doing a lot of activist and volunteer work alongside his cousin john ! you guys know cousin john !

and therefore already had a lot of peers and a lot of friends who then followed him and supported him. the first being andrew, who was very close with john and was there when there was just talk between the three of them and maybe some more friends about jesus starting his own cause

aside from carpentry, which he obviously likes and is very good at, jesus is actually a little bit of a creative in general.

he just started with woodcarving with his leftover supply for fun and then slowly moved on to clay and occasionally even sculpting.

likes to give stuff shape anyways

cares so much for his whole team and always reminds them to be kind to themselves and take care of themselves however he has not practiced self care a single DAY in his entire LIFE

will overwork himself to exhaustion if someone doesn't physically drag him away. has before.

for an all loving creature he has the emotional intelligence of a doorknob

dgmw he's great. he's kind to everyone and all that. he's understanding.

still has not known what the fuck is going on a day in his entire life. each time any of his friends looks the slightest bit off he comes to the wildest possible conclusion.

most of the time said conclusion being that it's his fault

he might be a tiny bit self-centered. usually not in a positive way towards himself either, it just means he thinks he's the cause of everything bad happening in his life.

feels like the world revolves around him, just in a very pessimistic way

but he's got a lot on his plate can you blame him.

love how i went "yeah he's relatively doing pretty well" and then gave him a bunch of issues lol sorry jesus

JUDAS

welcome, queers, i know you're here for him, here he is

judas is an only child and comes from a very rich family.

his parents own an insurance company and have like a bunch of buildings they're renting.

generational wealth, basically. it's all inherited and they're making a shit ton of money out of nothing it's all already set up.

judas' family is also very religious.

and i know that so far two out of the two times i've said that it means the parents are assholes but i swear it's not like that james and john's parents are also religious it just wasn't relevant.

but yeah judas' parents are, in fact, assholes. judas was very involved at the temple from very early childhood.

which unfortunately led to him being abused by religious officials that he could supposedly trust and grew up with.

especially once he started growing into his teens and came to the realization that he very much Does Not like women.

which his parents didn't love either.

somewhere around that time he started to distance himself from his family, especially once he moved away for university. judas studied political science but halfway through kind of changed career plans and double majored in journalism

which was very demanding but he did it anyways !

in university he meets jesus. jesus is in his third year when he's in his first and helps him out a lot. they're both very politically active too and always meet at protests and charity events etcetcetc so, yeah, they know each other. and sure there's something there but judas is very closed off and they drift apart when jesus graduates.

oh, judas also has depression, he was diagnosed at age ten, his family was very ashamed of that as well.

in his last year of university, he falls out with his parents once and for all.

they already weren't close, judas was very hurt by them and obviously he had a lot of personal issues with them but to him the line came when he found out about a lot of things that were going on behind closed doors in his parents' company, they were scamming a lot of innocent people and also partnering with a lot of . really just scum of the earth kind of people.

judas got rightfully very upset and had absolutely zero reason to keep covering up any of this. so he didn't ! and obviously that was very disastrous for the company.

judas gets disowned. not legally, but his parents cut all ties with him. not that he wasn't going to do that himself anyways.

obviously though as a consequence he suddenly has very very limited money. luckily for him he's currently in a relationship with his guy, isaac, who's very happy to let him move into his apartment. it would benefit him too to share the rent anyways. as it turns out, isaac's not a great guy ! judas himself isn't too well either so they have a very weird very unhealthy very codependent relationship and though they fight a lot it takes judas two years until he finally finds the strength to walk out on him.

judas didn't think that through very well because he doesn't really have anywhere to go. to his luck, guess who he runs into !

it's jesus. of course it's jesus this is the dolokhoded bible where the main character is still jesus, no matter how much i love to talk about james and simon.

jesus is on his way to a meeting with his team and he's like hey why don't you come along. and judas does. and that's it, he meets the whole gang, he ends up rooming with andrew and philip for a while before he gets his own place.

and, y'know. he does, eventually, in an excruciatingly slow process that tests the patience of all of their friends, get together with jesus.

okay i prob have to write this too uhh sad stuff ahead judas attempts once.

he's spiraling and overworking himself and hiding it pretty well. has some petty fight with john that jesus scolds him about and then has another fight with jesus over that and overall it's not going swell.

strangely enough it's john who decides to check on him after that. he has not gotten along with judas a day in his life but he could tell how upset he was and jesus is hurt and also a little petty and isn't gonna go do it himself so he decides he might as well. to his horror he stumbles into. well. yeah

he survives.

he moves in with jesus, john and matthew for a while after that.

(a lot of them are rooming they don't have much money)

goes back to therapy too.

okay sad stuff over. it gets better. he's doing well. gets a job at an independent news page and becomes quite known among his circles for his work too.

JOHN THE BAPTIST

or JB.

he does not baptize anyone. his first name is john baptist. don't ask me the logic of being named after himself when he hasn't existed yet for people to be named after him ok making an au of a defining characteristic of current human society is fucking difficult

jesus' cousin. his mother, elisheba, is miriam's sister. she's a good fifteen years older than her, and was in her fourties the year that both jesus and jb were born so her getting pregnant was a bit of a surprise.

grew up with jesus and they're very close. they studied together and they theorized together and they discussed everything together.

very big on environmental activism. and by consequence very very anti-capitalism. very anti-fast fashion, for multiple reasons. also vegan :).

jb genuinely believes the human race is the universe's biggest abomination and we should just go extinct. he's not wrong.

he doesn't pick favorites (but he does and they're andrew and philip they're his favorites)

philip was sort of his right hand

he's kind of there to encourage all the shit jesus can't if he doesn't want absolute chaos and zero planning. give simon a pat on the back for getting into fights with racists and all that.

generally he's a little more radical that jesus is. they don't agree on everything but they both respect each other's stances.

he's so well read. it's obvious too, they're all educated obviously, but this guy talks and you can tell he knows his shit. it's very impressive.

and not even in the sense of being well informed and reading theory he knows literature he knows art he's so cultured and i don't like using the word cultured because it often brings to mind a very western very white very high class perception of "culture" but that's not what i'm talking about here.

jb calls himself an atheist in a more political sense. he believes that people shouldn't rely on some higher force to give humanity and morality substance and should instead search for meaning inside those things alone, otherwise they won't have the right motivations to be moral and therefore their beliefs will have no strong foundation.

he grew up jewish but his relationship with his faith is very personal to him and stays between him and god. he doesn't care to discuss it with anyone, except maybe jesus a few times.

sort of everyone's go-to person for advice. he's there to talk the stupid out of them.

his mother was a seamstress, and he learned from her. he likes to make a lot of his own clothes.

professionally, however, he's a translator. he speaks hebrew, english, greek, russian and arabic. (also a little bit of french and german. he's not qualified to translate those though) (is constantly in the process of learning more)

he just fixated on different alphabets as a teenager a little too hard.

[iwasbored777]

so ur trolls posts got me to watch trolls world tour again. i remembered liking it but i couldnt remember why, but now i know for sure

I FCUKING LOVE TROLLS WORLD TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL THE INCREDIBLE WRITERS WERE SECRETLY ON TROLLS 2 !!!!!!’n

I CANT TBINK OF A SINGLE FLAW IN TROLLS WOULD TOUR!!!!!!!

i was NOT expecting a brilliantly written masterpiece about colonialism, but thats what i got, and its going in the greatest of all time hall of fame in my brain forever.

im not gonna sit here and regale you on the message of the movie. they only said fax, no printer, and its an important message to send kids. alot of the messages kids get about races and borders is “we are all the same 😚” but they came in with the “we are NOT the same and that is both good and bad, both exciting and dangerous so you need to be aware of dangerous ideas of “harmony”” and thats so real. kids need to understand differences are OK.

i love how they backed off the “chosen one” vibe poppy had in the first movie and talked about her flaws as a leader. while her stubborness was a good thing in the first movie to contrast branches pessimistic nature, it wouldnt have worked here, and i can see a cheap writer (like m*chael w*ldron) either insisting she gets away with her selfishness and carrying on with the happy ending anyway, or pretending that wasnt a character trait at all (because w*ldron doesnt watch the first movie and writes a sequel anyway)

my favorite scene is the bubble scene and the woods right after they leave funk where branch confronts poppy. do i even need to tell you why?

i just want to mention it because im pretty sure branch sings a cover of “girl crush” by little big town, which is a country band, and branch said he likes country music earlier and that slays. but when poppy comes in, what they sing is definitley not girl crush, and i cant tell if its giving “trolls can mix music” or im completley wrong and its a different song alltogether. but i cant tell if that song is homophobic or is super gay, so if im wrong thats prob for the best.

the only flaw i can think of is the country music, as a midwestern i can confidently say that was an affront to real blue grass country music. i guess born to die “works” but it didnt represent country as well as the other genres did. theres alot of controversy in the country music fandom with alot of singers who sound exactly the same and produced like its a factory line. but even if people still think miranda lambert and carrie underwood arent true country singers, their songs wouldve worked better than born to die. also the country trolls shouldve been on a self sufficient farm instead of the wild west. that wild western jazzy piano and country music isnt the same.

the only bad part about the movie is that it ended and barb ATE. SHE LEFT NO CRUMBS WITH THAT INTRO. send ask.

Lol I love your review. I love Trolls World Tour a lot too and all their other movies. Great stuff.

And yeah I love Poppy and how she can accomplish A LOT but she doesn't make it on her own, she needs character development and help from others just like everyone else. Characters are surprisingly realistic.

Barb really was goat, the best antagonist in the franchise. I love parallels between her and Poppy, how both had different intentions (Poppy wanted to help and Barb wanted to conquer) but Poppy's method was also wrong and both Poppy and Barb and everyone had to make compromises for all tribes to live in harmony because no one has to change their lifestyle for that to happen, all they have to do is accept that they're different and that's perfect. Just be yourself and let others be themselves.

That song in the end (Just Sing) slaps hard (and so does Can't Stop The Feeling btw).

P.S. Tiny Diamond fucking slays 🔥🔥🔥

[it-was-funeral-grey]

Again (Ghost x F!Reader)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5(wip!)

Summary: Luck had saved you from death, and now it's going to throw you back into the life that you've left behind. Call you and Simon pessimistic, but you both don't think this is going to end well.

Warnings: Just a reminder that reader's CODE NAME is Dahila, reader is wearing a dress, ooc Soap? actually im pretty sure ghost is ooc in this whole series to (idk let me know), Simon is mean to Soap, mentions of wedding dances, falling backwards, vulgarities, injuries and passing out, mention of burning, a guy that can't accept a no, mention of sexual tension.

Word count: <3.7k

Inspired by: Robbers - The 1975

"There'll be a riot, cause I know you."

Author's note: ah yes, when i don't know how to describe something or get a block, what do it do? switch perspectives!

this is terrible im sorry i really tried!

Please give criticism! Also, if i missed any warnings, do tell me so i can add them!

Soap thinks he has had enough surprises today.

It was one thing to see his LT rage at nothing. It was another thing to see his LT handle his weapons so clumsily.

But this? This takes the fucking cake.

The moment he took aim at the target's head, Ghost had decked him so hard that he was sure something had broken.

He's wearing a bulletproof vest. Do you know hard you must punch to break a bone in that thing?!

"What the FUCK, LT?", Soap exclaims.

But Ghost wasn't paying attention to him, currently engaged in a staring competition with the target.

"Dahila." Ghost whispered. He's turned to face the target, but even without looking at the tall man's face- or rather, eyes, Soap is aware that he's seeing a new side of his LT he's not sure he's supposed to.

The target - perhaps he should refer to her as Dahila now, doesn't respond. She's been chained to the chair, and Soap would have felt sorry for her had she not been his target.

"L…T?"

"Dahila, why," Ghost's voice trembles. "Why are you here?"

Soap's never heard his LT speak so softly before.

Dahila's mouth opens, but no words come out. Her face pales as she clenches her fists. She looks like she's seen a ghost.

Ok. There's clearly some history between these two, Soap realises. Tired of being ignored, he slowly picks himself up, wincing when his vest digs into his bruised chest.

"What's going on, LT?" Soap asks cautiously.

The tension was so thick it was making Soap uncomfortable. And he's a Special Ops soldier. He's dealt with worse situations without batting an eye.

Suddenly, Ghost whips around to face him, the softness in his tone now replaced with fury.

"Did you know?" Ghost fumes, stomping towards him. "Did you know the target was her?"

"The name of the target was on the file!" Soap shoots back, backing away from the angry man. "LT! What's going on?"

More enemies might come any moment now. They have to finish the job, free the guy upstairs, and leave.

Picking up the gun, Soap prepares to take aim.

"Put the gun down."

"Ghost, we gotta finish this and run."

"I said put the BLOODY GUN DOWN!"

A whimper comes from behind Ghost, cutting the argument short. In an instant, both men look back at the bound woman.

"Simon." she sobs. Her shoulders drop in what seems like relief.

"Leave us."

"What?"

"Go. Please…go," Simon sighs, shaking his head. "I'll explain everything later."

Saying 'please'? His LT was pretty much begging him to leave.

His proud, commanding LT was begging.

Running a hand through his mohawk, Soap lets out a frustrated grunt and turns to leave the basement.

Seriously. That was enough surprises for the whole damn year, and it's only January.

He didn't know.

He just clicked the confirm button the moment the job was offered. All he knew was that it was a kill mission. He had been so caught up in misery that he had forgotten to check the file about the target.

He was becoming careless.

He had accepted a job to kill her.

He had accepted a job to kill his Dahila.

A lot is going through his head right now. Shame, shock, confusion - but Simon being Simon, decides to go with the one he's most familiar with.

Anger.

But really, it's actually concern in a bad disguise. Not that Simon will admit that.

("Now, number two!" she continued, holding up two fingers. "Never, under any circumstance, attempt to access the server after you retire from service.")

Why the fuck did she do that? She knew what was coming. If anyone else had accepted the job, she'd be long dead.

She'd be gone, and he wouldn't even know.

She'd be gone, and he'll be the only one carrying their shared memories.

"What on earth were you thinking?!" Simon shouts, turning to face her. "If anyone else had been sent, you'd be dead!"

She lets out a shocked yelp, flinching at the loud sound. This stops Simon in his tracks, any anger he feels disappearing in an instant.

She's scared

She's scared of him.

And who wouldn't be? If you a were kill-on-sight target of the world's finest soldiers, you'd be wary of anybody and everybody.

Even the person you had just admitted your love for.

("Because I love you, Simon!")

"I-god, no- I," Simon lets out a defeated sigh. "I'm not going to hurt you, love. Never."

She doesn't look too convinced, teary eyes eyeing him warily.

The distrust stings, and he wants to disappear, to punish himself for scaring her, to cut his arms off to prove that he would never hurt her, but he brushes it aside.

Getting her out of here safe was his only priority right now.

Everything else is inconsequential.

("Because I love you, Simon!")

Even his own feelings.

Composing himself, he takes a deep breath. Placing his weapons onto the floor, he raises his hands, showing her that he's unarmed now.

"I'm just going to get these chains off," Simon's voice now gentler as he takes slow steps towards her. "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."

She doesn't take her eyes off him as he approaches her and bends down to inspect the chain.

A while ago, if anyone had told Simon that he'd have her undivided attention, he would have been over the moon.

But not like this. And Simon swears that once he gets her to safety, he's going to hunt down the motherfucker that-

No, now's not the time for this, Simon chides himself. He can deal with these feelings later. Right now, feelings will only get in the way of his judgement.

And he is NOT risking losing her over a stupid, emotionally fueled decision.

The chains are a mess, some looping through each other, others locked together using padlocks. Simon doesn't think he's going to be able to break her out of it without the proper tools. Which, of course, they didn't bring. They weren't expecting to save the target.

Which reminds him that he still has Soap to deal with. He's going to need to convince Soap to let her live. How's he going to do that?

For a split second, the idea of killing Soap and escaping with her seemed really appealing, but he quickly dismisses the thought.

He did promise Soap that'd he explain everything. He'll table the idea of killing Soap for now.

The sergeant should be upstairs, freeing the prisoner he said he found.

Standing back up, Simon walks back over to his weapons, grabbing his pistol from the pile. He hears her chair shift noisily, trying to get away from him, and he makes the mistake of turning around too fast in an attempt to reassure her quickly.

"No! Hey, wait- I'm not going to-"

But then the chair tilts back a little too much-

The pain doesn't come.

Instead, you feel the chair jerk forward. Something has stopped you from falling all the way.

Opening your eyes, the first and only thing you see is a white skull mask.

Simon.

He's so close.

He has an arm around the back of your chair, his fingers brushing against your waist. His other hand holds your head, supporting your neck. His face is right above yours. And oh, his eyes-

("Ok, a hand on my waist," you had instructed, guiding Simon's hand. "And your other hand…goes…here!"

"Love, what are you doing?"

"Ok, I'm gonna lie back now!"

"Wait-"

Ignoring his protests, you lean back, and Simon scrambles to support you.

"Ok! Now lower me more!"

"What?"

"Lower me! Like in the video!"

"What video?!"

"Like those dancers in the ballrooms! Lower me!"

You were trying to get Simon to do a dip with you. After watching a video of a couple's wedding dance, you wanted to try it.

"Lower me!"

"I don't know how!")

His eyes gaze into yours with an emotion that you can't quite name. But it feels so warm, so calming, so much so that you forget that he's actually here to kill you.

For a moment, time stands still. The space around you changes into something more familiar, more like home.

It's just you and Simon again in the living room, trying to copy that couple's wedding dance.

("Ok, bend forward…yes! I think we're doing it! Are we doing it, Si!?"

"Love, if the neighbours hear what you just said, they'd think-"

"Si!")

But it's all over too soon. Simon looks away and leans back, pulling you upright.

"Are you alright?"

You nod your head.

"I… just wanted to give you this," Simon says, picking up the pistol and handing it to you. "I need to head up for a bit to talk to the other guy."

You cautiously take the pistol. Despite not knowing how to use it, the weight feels comforting in your hand.

"Just so you feel more at ease," Simon continues. "I know you're scared and probably don't trust me, but…I'm not going to hurt you."

With that, he turns around and leaves the basement, trusting you not to shoot him in the back.

The moment you're alone, you slump into your chair, dropping the pistol into your lap.

What the fuck is happening?

Simon is here!

Simon. Is. Fucking. Here.

To kill you! To rescue you.

You should be dead now! But you're not! Whee!

Why is he here?!

After two whole years of nothing, why is he here?

Conflicting emotions pop around your brain, and you feel like your head is about to burst. You press your hands over your eyes, hoping that the pressure will relieve the tension in your head.

You feel something cold press against your face. Your engagement ring.

Max.

Oh god, you forgot about Max.

Simon finds Soap on the third floor of the building, in a small room that reeks of gasoline.

He soon finds out why. In the center of the room, passed out and tied to a pole, is a man whose jeans are soaked with the liquid.

They were going to burn the poor lad, Simon thinks, watching Soap cut the last rope.

But then, Simon realises that he's seen the man before.

(He was wearing a slick black suit, eyes glowing as he looked up at the gorgeous lady he was kneeling for. He had a ring box in one hand and the other over his heart.)

It's him.

The fiancé.

Simon has to fight the urge to pull out his lighter and-

"So, gonna tell me what's up, LT?" Soap huffs, interrupting Simon's murderous thoughts.

Good question, Johnny. What is happening?

Oh, the love of my life - who I left two years ago to go on THAT mission- is actually the agent we've been sent to kill. And lying on the floor over there, like a pathetic dog, is her new fiancé. My heart is in shambles just thinking about them together. That's why I was acting so strange earlier! Now, we can't kill her. If you try, I'll burn you together with him.

That sounds about right. Now, all he needs to do is rearrange some words and voilà! An explanation that Soap would hopefully accept.

"We can't kill her," Simon replies, unable to look the frowning sergeant in the eye. "She's…my recommendation for 141's intelligent agent spot."

Ah yes, lie to make it sound more convincing! Great job, Simon! Instead of being honest with your best friend, who you know for a fact would hear you out and help, lie! Not today, emotional vulnerability!

"I'm sorry, what?"

"She's," Simon takes a deep breath. He's in for it now. He can't take this back. "She's my recommendation for the intelligence agent spot."

"You can't be serious, LT!" Soap scoffs in disbeilef. "She violated server access rules! She's selling information!"

"We don't know if she's done that-"

"She's a kill-on-sight target!"

"Soap, I know it looks bad, but-"

A faint jingling, followed by a heavy dragging sound, interrupts the two men from arguing further.

Simon immediately lifts a finger to his lips, gesturing to Soap to prepare for a fight. Nicking a pistol from Soap's thigh holster, Simon approached the doorway as quietly as he could manage before making a sharp turn into the hallway and seeing-

Your legs really hurt.

And so do your arms, but at least they aren't bleeding. Much.

The way the chains secured you to the chair looked complicated, but you quickly realised that there were only two parts to this whole puzzle after bending and twisting around weirdly in the chair.

One: A set of chains secured your ankles together. Not so much so that your legs stuck together, but enough to make walking a no-go. However, you couldn't tell what was linking these chains shut from where you were looking.

Two: Another set of chains secured each leg to the chair legs. The chain that was doing so looped into the chains around your ankles and linked itself shut using padlocks.

Since your hands were freed, nothing was stopping you from standing up. So, your next issue was getting rid of the chair. That was easy because all you had to do was…stand up and pull the chair upwards, past the chains.

That was anti-climactic.

Throwing the chair aside, you look down to get a better look at the chains securing your ankles. After shifting around and trying not to fall over, you find the two ends were linked by a padlock with a 3-digit code.

You tried easing your feet out of the chains, but they were bound too tight. There was no way to get these off. Not unless you were willing to try passcode combinations from 001-999.

But you have to get out of here. To get to Max. You can't let those two hurt him.

So the next best alternative was to crawl which was what you were currently doing. Well, more of dragging yourself, really.

Using your arms, you managed to drag yourself to the basement ladder. And by the sheer force of will and jumping, climbed the ladder and escaped the basement.

You could hear voices coming from above. Following the voices, you painstakingly drag yourself up the stairs, each 'step' becoming more painful as bruises, cuts and scratches begin to mark your arms and legs.

All in the name of love, right? You need to save Max. Your fiancé. The love of your life.

("Because I love you, Simon!")

It was a small building, so it didn't take you much time to reach the third floor, where you managed to locate the room where the two men supposedly were.

Dragging yourself as fast as you can, you're finally a step away from the entrance when a foot nearly steps on your fingers.

Yelping in surprise, you find yourself staring up at the barrel of a gun before it is quickly retracted.

"Dahila!?"

Simon looks into the room, signalling something before kneeling next to you.

"Are you alright? How did you-"

"Don't touch him," You reach a hand into your dress pocket, pulling out Simon's pistol. "Where is he?"

"Easy love, put-"

"Don't 'Love' me! Where is he?" You demand, pointing the pistol at Simon. Your arms are shaky, and you're pretty sure he could disarm you and snap your neck in a second, but you stand your ground. Or rather, lie on your ground.

"Put it down, lass." Someone warns. It's the mohawk guy from before. He's come out of the room and has a rifle aimed at you.

"Ok, both of you! Enough!" Simon orders, shifting to block you from the rifle. "Guns down! Now, Soap!"

Soap reluctantly obliges, eyes glaring at yours. Simon then turns to you, raising his hands up in surrender.

"Lo- Dahila, if you're asking about the other gent we found, he's in here," He motions to the room. "He's fine."

Simon shifts back slowly, allowing you space to move in front of the door. Lowering your gun, you drag yourself to the entrance and look in. There he was. But he wasn't moving.

"What did you do to him?" you yelled, turning to Simon. "You said that he was fine!"

"He's just passed out. Was like that when he found him." Simon replies, pointing a thumb at Soap behind him. Soap just shrugs, supporting what Simon said.

The gasoline was pungent and stung as it made contact with your wounds, but you press on, dragging yourself closer to Max.

"Max," you whisper, cupping his face gently. You shift to kneel beside him as you check him for injuries. His breath was steady, and he didn't seem to have any visible injuries, to your relief. "Oh, Max…I'm so sorry."

Your eyes begin to water again. This was all your fault. What was supposed to be a happy holiday has turned into a nightmare. Ghosts from your past have come back to haunt you, and now you're going to die.

"He has nothing to do with this," your voice quivers as tears begin to fall. "It was all me. Kill me and leave him alone."

Even though you had assumed they would save Max, thinking of him as a prisoner of your captors, that wasn't a guarantee. In the end, Max's life is still at the mercy of others. It's just a matter of who.

And that's why you did all this, right? To give Max a fighting chance at surviving this whole shitshow. Under Samuel, it was undeniable that he'd be killed. But the Special Ops may give him a chance.

So, you beg.

"Please, kill me if you must," you're sobbing again as you hold Max's hand. "Please, spare his life. He's just a banker, he's just a civilian- he's innocent, plea-"

"We're not killing either of you folks," Soap interrupts, sighing as he looks away from your crying figure. "We're just gonna bring him back to the base for observation."

Relief blooms in your chest, and you drop Max's hand. He's going to live. He's going to be fine. They'll protect him back at their base.

"And as for you," Soap continues. "We'll be taking you back there as well. To see the boss man."

Huh?

"Yes," Simon adds. "You're my recommendation for our intelligence agent spot, remember? You're going to need to speak with the Captain first."

What?

Simon's giving you a weird look. He's giving you that look. No, not THAT kind of look.

(This sucks. You want to leave.

But you can't really leave your own shop.

"So, Miss Flower," the man in an ugly green suit smiles. "How about we go in the back and…play amongst the flowers?"

Ugh. This is the fourth time this week he's tried to flirt with you. He really can't take a no for an answer.

"I'm sorry, but-"

"Oh, come on! I know you want it," He starts to lean in, invading your personal space. "I'll buy all the flowers we trample over."

"Love? Everything ok?"

A familiar, soothing voice sounds from behind you, and you stiffen as a hand snakes around your waist. You feel a warmth right next to your face as someone leans over your shoulder.

You turn your head, and there he was.

Simon.

He's so close.

He gives you a weird look.

Play along.

You nod.

"O-oh! Nothing honey! Just chatting with a customer here!" You stammer. But it's enough to convince the man. He mutters a rushed goodbye, as he storms out of the shop.

Immediately, the two of you separate.

"I'm so sorry, I just thought that-" Simon mutters, his hand doing a poor job of hiding his flushed face.

"No! No, it's fine," you cut him off. You're pretty sure your face is as red or even more so than his. "Thank you for dealing with…that."

It's so hot. It's cold outside, but it still feels so hot. The air has a spark to it. It feels like at any moment, the spark will set something aflame. And you kind of want to burn. Together with Simon.

You later learn that that is called sexual tension.

That very week, you and Simon start dating.)

He's asking me to play along.

You don't know what the fuck Simon has up his sleeve, but you nod, wiping your tears while you're at it.

"This is going to be hell to explain to the Captain, Ghost."

"He'll understand."

"How is he going to overturn a kill-on-sight order?"

"He'll figure it out."

"The higher up are going to hang us for this."

"Nah, they won't."

The duo bicker amongst themselves as they approach the two of you.

"Get the bloke. I'll carry her out after checking her wounds."

"Got it."

Soap picks up Max in a fireman carry and walks out the door. You wait until he is out of earshot before whispering to Simon, who now kneels beside you, inspecting your cuts.

"What the fuck, Simon?"

"It was the only thing I could think of to convince Soap not to shoot you."

"I left that life a long time ago!"

"If you want to live, this is the only way."

He's right. And you hate him for it.

There's silence as he tends to your wounds. What do you say to the man who broke your heart two years ago, and then saved your life? Do you curse him out? Scream at him for leaving you so coldly?

("Because I love you, Simon!")

Or you could just pretend that you didn't just confess your love for him on what you thought was your deathbed.

Yeah, that works.

There's too much happening. Too many conflicting emotions. You can't speak. Maybe it's better that you don't.

But whatever it is, the only thing you know for sure is that you're going to be returning to a life you thought you left behind for good.

You'll be working with Special Ops again.

You'll be sworn to secrecy again.

You'll be working with Simon.

Again.

This is going to be an emotional disaster.

Join the Taglist!

[go-to-the-mirror]

look, hear me out, hot jon ri- [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER]

@a-mag-a-day

One thing you should know about me is that i will defend jonathan sims head archivist of the magnus institute london to my dying bloody breath. Another thing you should know about me is that i can do nuance, i just don't want to a lot of the time.

But. I will, put my... love... for the Jarchivist... to one side. sort of. a little bit. Look, you can't be unbiased, an attempt is all you're gonna get, mate.

But like, let it be known that I have talked extensively about scrutiny on my story, and most of it wasn't "but i love him, so, <3" actually most of it was "headinhands, jon, why"

Like, yk? Why didn't we see this coming, he's an Avatar, he's a monster, it's not making what he's doing better -- obviously -- but like, I feel like it's like... it's like... yk? we knew it in a theoretical way, and then we're like, oh, yeah, he doesn't get protagonist privileges.

I'm just rambling at this point, so, let's get onto the relisten, I guess, and I'll freak out there

ARCHIVIST The tape recorder. [SUDDEN INHALATION FROM BASIRA] BASIRA Get ready. Any idea what’s coming?

i think it's neat that they're realising that tape recorder on = (rqg pessimistic train driver voice) DOOOOOOM!

ARCHIVIST No, I… I think… [Calling out] Excuse me?

Jonathan "I don't think it's me doing it" Sims when he literally calls the guy back, fuck Jon, that's not okay!

SHIPHAND I don’t know you. ARCHIVIST [Archly] But I know you.

[ID: Marina and the Diamonds Smirk Meme /End ID]

look, hear me out-

LIKE OK HRHNR ITS COOL OKAY! IT'S COOL! IT'S AWFUL, BUT IT'S COOL!!

BASIRA Jon, I’m not sure about this. ARCHIVIST I am. Tell me what happened.

(tim voice) don't do it.

like, jon, jon, no, fuck? what the fuck, jon headinhands, headinfuckinghands

this is the theme of this ramble, okay? just headinhands but also his voice tho-

ARCHIVIST Whenever you’re ready.

it's so creepy, he's so creepy! that's just like- "whenever you're ready" SPOOOKY!!!! im kicking my legs i just think it's NEAT oKAY

The thing that was grabbing him, trying to reach down his throat and pull him apart… it was a pattern. Diamonds and swirls and colours that seemed to imprint itself upon his skin even as it pushed itself messily into his nose and mouth.

THAT'S SO COOL! I mean, uh, sucks to be him, but that's hnnrhrhnrnh <3333 it's so spooky and weird and I love it.

I followed slowly, unsteadily, but got there just in time to see Salesa throw both him and what looked like a blank rug over the side and into the ocean.

So, the pattern comes from the rug and then... attaches itself to people and/or things? That's neat!

He was drunk for the next two days, and we kept sailing on towards Cape Town.

:D I was so happy when I heard this on my first listen :3 like yay! South Africa is mentioned :3 I'm South African :3

Come to think of it, Floyd might have an Afrikaans accent. Don't quote me on that, I'm not sure, but I think so.

There was a storm over the island. I don’t know where it came from, it can’t have been more than a minute since I’d last looked at it, an-and the skies were completely clear. But now it was covered in lightning, the rolling clouds above it dark and angry.

So, the camera was keeping the island not sinking.

So I jumped ship the next chance I got. And I have tried ever since then to leave those memories behind me.

Would be lovely if someone *cough cough* Jon *cough cough* would let him. He's going to have nightmares about this till Jon dies. Like, poor him. That sucks, like even with Jess, she was leaving it behind, she was getting better and he took that from her. The bastard, christ Jon, you can't just do this to people, you can't just ruin their bloody lives because you're feeling peckish.

ARCHIVIST [Soothingly] You can go. FLOYD Erm… I, I don’t… ARCHIVIST Thank you Floyd. You’ve been… very helpful. FLOYD C— ARCHIVIST It’s alright, Floyd. You just… need a break.

I just like the way he says it, when Jon's being all monster-y, in this episode, sometimes when he's talking to Helen, I think, in MAG 187, and of course in the Crew Retrospective (speaking of, if you have stuff about the crew retrospective, please tag me, I want to see it), it's so suave, and for what. Charisma of 1, unless he's being... evil. I love him, I love that, it's so bloody suave, and charismatic, and smooth. He knows exactly what he's doing, he's in his element. Oh god, he's in his element.

Look, he may be slightly evil, but he's doing it with style, damn.

Like "It's alright, Floyd. You just... need a break" and it's like!!! HMNnn!!! No, Jon! You shouldn't be doing this to people, but also like hnhrhfhhnh so fucking cool!

ARCHIVIST Yes, Basira, he is. And I am sorry about that. But we needed it. Anyway you’re the one who wants to be like Gertrude. You think she’d give a damn about a few bad dreams? BASIRA No. ARCHIVIST No. She got the job done, and didn’t care about the cost. BASIRA But I thought you did. ARCHIVIST … I had to know, Basira. BASIRA It wasn’t right. ARCHIVIST You could have stopped me.…But you wanted to know as well, didn’t you?

Mr. Jarchivist Sims, your flimsy rationalizations are visible from space, you didn't want to be like Gertrude, you don't want to be like Gertrude, good lord, man, just... good lord.

I don't know what to say, I'm shaking this episode vigorously /pos

Ramble over! See y'all tomorrow where I'll be once again setting aside my flimsy belief (not even a belief) that Jonathan Sims did NOTHING WRONG if you ignore everything he did wrong.

End recording.

[medicus-felini]

Christmas Special Candle Service! 🎄🎅🎁 If Kara Barai was already a cheerful island usually, during the holidays it reached its peak.  Many customs and cultures meshed together, celebrating that end of the year in their own way. It wasn't ideal to be happy that Victoria Punk had been damaged in their last voyage, Mr 3 knows. To the point that it would take a month to repairs being made? Especially during the holidays? His guardian angel was really working hard. Getting "along" with Mr Eustass…meeting Linn. A blessed year indeed. On that day, he scouted the Mink behind the main tent, where more traditional decorations were put. While he would love to boast himself and explain the cultural significance of things, that day Galdino seemed half-hearted doing it. Often doing too short explanations, his head was clearly in another place even if he held the woman by the arm during their walking.  " Pardon me, ….. My mind has been all over the place since I saw the state of your crew's ship, ga ne. Going after Mr Shanks. Mr Eustass really.. has such strong will. Admirable."  As messy their schedule was, that crew kept consistent two to three months visits to exchange marines there. That time took a little longer, obviously there was something wrong. His pessimistic stance couldn't bear to imagine waiting for them without news or any sign that they would be ok somewhere. That anxiety was his own fault for letting himself get too attached.  He pauses under one of the cone trees that was decorated with colorful lights.  " Missy Linn, forgive me. But.. I'll be giving your gift a little early this time or I won't be able to rest at all. " From inside a little blue striped letter, a nice folded paper is shown at Galdino palm. When left by itself it starts to drag itself in his direction. " I'm sure you know what a vivre card is, do you? Missy Linn." " For christmas…. Would you have this? I..If anything happens, independent if your crew needs to exchange marines or not. I would—without doubt help in any way possible, ga ne. If you need anything, please.. this will let you find me anywhere. ” “ If it isn't too bold of myself…. to ask for my own gift. Would you lend me your vivre card as well? I..If my letters one day return and you and your crew take too long to return I’ll just.. definitely seek for you no matter what! I really.. really need to know if you would safe and sound ever far from me or else I can't sleep, ga ne! B—”   " B—ECAUSE IM IN LOVE WITH YOU , MISSY LINN, GA NE! "

────────────────────────

❀⊱ 𝕀𝕥'𝕤 𝕔𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕞𝕒𝕤 ! ⊰❀

↷ ⸍ @waxgentleman ⸝

────────────────────────

      𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑑𝑎𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑉𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑎 𝑃𝑢𝑛𝑘 𝘩𝑎𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑢𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑎𝑟 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒.      Collateral damage. Every single one could count themselves lucky to have survived. It would be hard to get into the Christmas spirit, knowing the ship will need nothing less than their shipwright's full attention. Kid was persistent in 'visiting' Shanks. But her captain's decisions will not hinder her from taking a breath, enjoying some calm moments on this often-visited island. A little favorite by now, even.

Linn feels somewhat stunned, not having planned on seeing Galdino so soon. The mink would have gotten a present, definitely, just . . . What an awful timing to be shipwrecked right at Christmas. Scolding herself silently as she spots the paper in the artist's palm. Damn it. Why couldn't this galère wait so she would have been able to show up with a gift herself   ?   

 Vivre cards were not unfamiliar to her   —   after joining a pirate crew, that is. Usually, exchanging these little papers was more reserved for alliance partners, captains, navigators, important people. That was the most convenient use, after all she knows. Mr. 3 pulled out this adorable letter, offering a glimpse, seeing the card quiver softly leaves her eyes twinkling with intrigue. Like a magnet, the vivre card pulls gently toward the sculptor's body. How thoughtful. How brave. He really wants to offer assistance if things go sour. Linn frowns a bit. She would never want to bring him into a dangerous situation just because of her (or her captain's) poor decisions.

     ❝ Oh, Mr. Galdino, you didn't have to- . . . ❞     Slowly, his words echoed in her head. Love   ?

L o v e   ?

  Her inner ears play ping pong with themselves, repeating this phrase over and over and over again. The longer she stares with eyes wide open, the darker this warm hue on her cheeks gets. It was clear to the feline; that these feelings towards the artist were more than casual. Long ago even. Whatever he had in mind for them, it never failed to impress her. She enjoyed every single minute, second, moment close to him. Hells, he most likely had caught wind of the crush already. But how unlikely nervous Galdino sounds for knowing it already.

Was he that oblivious   ?

Slowly, almost like time itself went thick like honey around them, gloved fingers reached for the paper.    ❝ You do . . . ? ❞     A mere whisper. For anything she stands for, Linn would have loved to thank him for the present first, yet this situation makes her decision falter. There was a larger elephant in the room than just showing gratitude for the card.

A small step closer brings them almost to eye level before the doctor's fuzzy, warm cheek brushes against Galdino's. A lingering stroke, accompanied by a shy purr.     ❝ I am . . . moved. And glad you said it first . . . I don't know what I would have done if you turned my feelings down. ❞     There was this subtle break in her words as they fell silently next to his ear. But a smile was prominent, even if his eyes would not catch hers. Her palm closes over his hand, caging the vivre card in both of their hands.

     ❝ I do so too. I share these emotions towards you, Mr. Galdino. It is . . . mutual. ❞

Clearly, that was the last thing the mink would have expected today. What a nice present to have clarity over whatever both tried to conceal these last months.

No more words were shared. Lazily, her forehead finds rest on his shoulder. Almost like the way it did when they first met. How nostalgic . . .

[woundthatswallows]

2 + 10 for the book ask!

2. top 5 books of all time?

frankenstein by mary shelley rebecca by daphne du maurier the bell jar by sylvia plath the piano teacher by elfriede jelinek the carnivorous lamb by agustín gómez-arcos

10. do you have a guilty fave?

i wouldn't say they are a favorite of any kind, but i suppose perhaps ottessa moshfegh is my guilty pleasure because i know she gets a lot of heat, especially on here but i have read my year of rest and relaxation + eileen and enjoyed both. i thought they were both interesting, quick and easy reads with entertaining weird female characters which is quite up my alley. okay im gonna rant now. i'm sure some of the criticism she gets is warranted, but a lot of it that i've seen makes me feel like it is a question of why is it not OK for there to be sardonic female characters, but when there's a really pessimistic weird male narrator in a novel written by a man it tends to get highly praised. (we know why...) especially because i don't think her novels are trying to be like super intellectual books, which i don't think a lot of the criticism takes into account and like. in order to critique a novel properly you need to at least understand the intentions lol. to me they are just entertaining, quirky and mysterious reads. and also yes sure, some of the people, like the coquettes are drawn to her work, and idolize it in a problematic way that is definitely far removed from the authors intentions, and often the opposite! it reminds me of the dark academia motherfuckers and the secret history. and im not saying that to compare moshfegh and tartt, i think the secret history is a much more meaty novel than what i've read from moshfegh, im just talking about the way its perceived online and how that impacts the way people discuss those works because of that. okay whoops that was long rant over <3 or i lied. the discussions ive seen around her work just bugs the shit out of me because so much of it feels like unexamined internalized misogyny and the conversations could be so much more productive and interesting if people thought a bit more critically and in a more well rounded sense. i don't even really care about the books.

book asks

[weenwrites]

hello!! is it okay if i ask for a romantic matchup from transformers prime? im a big fan of ur blog!! C:

so a bit about me, im a she/her and an INFP-t like literally everyone else on the internet but thats ok. im optimistic and sensitive and i always try my best to be kind, polite and friendly to everyone. im a bit moody and sometimes shy but nowadays i try to do whatever i want regardless of what people might think of me. im creative and curious and i like having fun!!! my friends often describe me as weird but in a good kind of way, as if im some strange whimsical creature 👽 im super artsy and express my weird style proudly, both in the way i dress and how i present myself. i know u said physical appearance doesn't matter but ive had a buzz cut for around half a year now and it kinda became a part of my personality lol

hobbieees. oh i have many :D overall i enjoy anything creative that requires using my hands, but i mostly spend my days drawing, playing instruments, sewing or studying. i also really like the outdoors and often explore new local and even far away places just for the fun of it. i constantly try and experiment with new things and activities. because it's just fun

i love nature, art, animals, bugs. oh im a huge bug lover. the weirder the bug the better. i like learning new things, i like space, horror movies, sweets, music, fruit, flowers, funky earrings. i like a lot of things. on the other hand there's not much things i dislike, except for the usual like.... idk bad people? violence? drama? but yeah everyone dislikes that. however specific things that i don't like include getting yelled at, being babied/underestimated and ppl who are way too pessimistic.... i don't dislike the people, just the view. it can be so exhausting to deal with🙁🙁

i express my love mostly through words and actions! i like making my friends feel good by complimenting them or giving them gifts like small trinkets and stuff😈 but sometimes i put a bit more thought into my gifts and craft small cards, drawings, bracelets or plushies for them

i like everyone but im not sure how to describe my type. aside from the usual criteria like being kind and caring towards me there's not much that i am looking for specifically. i don't need someone eccentric such as myself i just want someone who likes my weirdness and who looks at me like 😍😍 oh yeahhhh THAT'S my little gremlin

OK SORRY THIS IS SO LONG describing oneself for a matchup feels like opening up to a therapist. anyway thankyou so much for reading this all ily 🙏💞💞 here's a flower for u!!! 🌻

✎ A/N: Aa! Thank you!! I don't mind that it was long, if anything it helped me write some more stuff! Also your forgot to include your sexuality, but I hope you enjoy the match up! The rest is under the cut since it's pretty long ˆˆ

[ Please do not repost, plagiarize, or use my writing for AI! Translating my work with proper credit is acceptable, but please ask first! ]

Smokescreen

He's rather enthusiastic to have a partner he cares for so much, but if you've told him or if he's noticed that you'd prefer for him to turn down the hype a little, he'll definitely try to be a little more "chill" about it. He's rather inexperienced, but he's always eager to do his best in any situation, and when it comes to you he tries to bring his A-game and do his best to make you feel happy and loved.

He would absolutely love to learn about new things with you! Despite how he may seem, he's actually pretty knowledgable (when it comes to cybertronian artifacts and history, of course) and a fast learner. That isn't to mention that as a new-comer to Earth, he intends to learn as much as he can about the planet, not only because he thinks it'd be good to better understand the species he's trying to protect, but also out of genuine interest himself.

So if there are any interesting facts about the planet that you'd like to share with him, or books you'd be willing to lend him, you'll be his go-to source for everything there is to know about earth and humans. (A brief callback to one of my other things, this of course means that he'll be calling you whenever he has a question about something, but the more he does it, the more it seems like he isn't actually curious about what he's calling to ask you about, but rather he's instead doing it to hide the fact he really just wants to talk to you.)

And of course in exchange for everything you tell him about Earth, he's going to return the favor (as long as you ask him something he actually knows about)... But with your interest in space, he'd be able to tell you a lot of things about the stars and cosmos, all of which he learned about in the academy and from Alpha Trion while he was a guard at Iacon. Or he could tell you about cybertronian history, or cybertronian customs that he thinks you'd find interesting or funny.

But aside from that, he'd strive to impress you in whatever way possible, but unfortunately that's a bit... Difficult for him, since the first things that come to mind include feats of strength and shows of his fighting capabilities, but due to your dislike of violence, he decides to opt for other means instead. He quite literally searches up "ways to impress your crush" online and tries out the ones he thinks you'd like the most, like showing off his smarts, or showing that he's really interested in whatever's on your mind.

He's also the type of S/O who'd definitely try out stuff that their partner's into, so he's willing to try out a whole bunch of your hobbies if it means the two of you get to hang out together. I'd like to imagine he's particularly fond of listening to you play music, and perhaps he even hums along when he grows more familiar with the tune.

He'd definitely try to help you come out of your shell and he actively encourages you to live life whatever way makes you happy and live life with no regrets. He's also pretty quick to recognize most of his mistakes and make up for them accordingly. He also always emphasizes that he promises to learn from them (and he does for your sake).

Breakdown

He's actually pretty chill and easy-going as a partner. He doesn't usually do any showy romantic expressions of love (unless you like them), but that doesn't mean he takes the relationship lightly. He particularly enjoys just spending as much time with you as he can in your day-to-day lives. You don't have to do anything special like go on dates, he's just perfectly content hanging out with you and doing whatever you can together.

And contrary to how he looks as a "big brutish tough guy", he's actually very gentle and chill when it comes to you. He enjoys joking around and maybe the two of you even have a few inside jokes that you laugh about from time to time.

He's pretty fond of the great outdoors too! And though patrolling may still be tedious work, the scenery makes it all the more worthwhile. Not to mention that it isn't as boring whenever you offer to tag along for the ride. There are other times where the two of you go on foot, and he'll let you sit up on his shoulders to let you get a good view of the area. Or if there are any neat trees you'd want a closer look at, he'll make sure to lift you up there carefully and let you pick a leaf or a flower out of them.

Whenever the two of you patrol sparsely populated areas with lots of wildlife, he'll occasionally point out animals here and there, and he'll sorta make a game out it.

"Oh hey look! Dog! One point."

"That's not a dog..."

"What do you mean it's not—oh, wait, it's a horse, right? The horns make it a horse."

"Horns on a horse would make it a unicorn. That was a moose."

"That's what a moose looks like?"

"Yeah??? What did you think a moose looked like?????"

Of course he isn't any good at naming the animals he sees, but he thinks that it's neat that you get to tell him what those animals are, or what that plant is, or what that other neat thing is that he saw on the road.

And I feel like he isn't that squeamish or disgusted by bugs, and I think he'd find beetles or any kind of resilient or strong bug super cool despite their miniature stature.

Animals aside, Knockout once recommended that Breakdown should take you out to the theater, saying that it was a romantic thing that humans do. So you can expect drive-in theater movie nights to be a frequent thing from time to time. He'll let you sit in his cab and he parks somewhere with a good view of the screen. He claims that he doesn't find horror movies all that scary, and actually nitpicks at the actual details themselves, but from time to time you'll notice the subtle way his frame begin to shake and his tires twist during some particularly scary scenes... Tease him about it if you will, but not once will he ever admit to being afraid.

And also if you're ever interested in learning self-defense, he definitely would step up and offer to teach you how to punch people in the face. "You never know when it'll come in handy" is what he says to justify it.

He's not usually someone who gets hyped over gifts. That doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like them, it's just that he's never received many gifts before, so he doesn't truly understand the hype around them. But once you come around and give him gifts, he gets around to understanding the appeal. He gets happy and a little excited whenever you bring him something, and he also tries to get you gifts to return the favor! But given his situation as a giant robot, he can't exactly do that for you, but what the two of you could do is check out old junkyards to see if there's anything neat to take.

[totaldramamovies]

Total Drama Movies- Episode 1- “Lights, Camera, Chaos!”

Chris: Hello and welcome to the largest Total Drama season ever! We have 28 brand new contestants that will stir up more drama that any cast has before! These contestants will get into teams, and by the end of the episode, whichever team has lost the challenge, will be up for elimination! The team will vote someone out every episode, and this process will repeat till everyone but one is left, and they will win ONE. MILLION. DOLLARS! This competition will take place in a crummy old movie studio north of Toronto, and all of the challenges will be themed with their own genre! Well, we should probably move on and meet these 28 contestants! This is.. TOTAL! DRAMA! MOVIES!

*Cuts to ferry sailing to the movie studio*

Eliza: *Sewing dress* Hey, do you know when we will arrive? I need about 15 more minutes to finish my broadway dress!

Maxim: *Looks up from book he’s reading* Uh… I don’t think you’re gonna need a broadway dress… It’s a film lot, not a theatre.

Eliza: Eh, whatever…

Bailey: Did you know I made the first ever dress?!! I also went to Mars and met aliens, and I hold world record for eating the most cellphones-

Eliza & Maxim: We don’t care!

*Pauline notices Wyatt with Nintendo Switch*

Pauline: Oh, you play video games too?

Wyatt: Yea😎😎😎😎 im kinda epic lolz😎😤😂💪💪 im soooo MLG 😂😂👌🔥

Pauline: Oh..!

*Camera pans to more contestants*

William: Hey! What’s happening?

*Awkward Silence*

Cece: I don’t want, nor care enough to talk to you.. Lemme just get this straight, if you haven’t been on atleast 10 Disney Cruises and ridden in a Lamborghini, I do NOT want to talk to you, kay? 

Ines: *Amused* Heh, classic rich girl.. 

Jamil: Yep. Hey, if we’re on same teams, you wanna become an alliance?

Ines:  Yeah sure! We’re both pretty strong! Were you in the military?

Jamil: Not yet, still in training, but I’m almost ready!

*Camera pans again*

Dwaeji: Ohayo..!! ^o^ Im so sugoiii! Nya >w<!!

Andres: No way 💀💀

Dwaeji: Konnichiwa!! Onionhaseyo 🥺🥺!! U support RCTA??

Andres: No.. get out of here!

Eddy: Erm.. ya.. according to my calculations, “Dwaeji” means pig in Korean.. It’s clear you didn’t do you’re research.. ☝️🤓

Rajiv: Hahah, you’re name is “pig”? Nice. *High fives Eddy*

Dwaeji: Ok fine Eddy-san and Rajiv-kun.. my real name is Emily.. but don’t tell anyone, you bakas.. 😔😔 UnU

Dennis: *sighs* This trip is taking forever..

Tamia: I know, right? It’s nice to have someone like you on the ride.

Dennis: Yeah, I guess you’re right. 2 pessimists are better than one.

Dominique: *Excitedly* Oh come on, it’s not that bad! *shouts* Hey everyone! How are you guys!

Francesca: *Happily* Good, I guess.

Boris: Meh, I’m bored.

Kenny: *Staring at Dominique*

Dominique: What?

Kenny: Hey.. you wanna maybe.. uh.. go out some time? 😏

Dominique: *Concerned* Uh… *awkward laugh* How are YOU guys!

Fredrick: Um.. I have to address YOU first. 🍷🗿 NOBODY talks up to the sigma. 🍷🍷🗿🗿🗿🗿 Where’s the buffet?

Dominique: um.. Why is everyone here so wierd..

Leopold: *Picking nose* I know, right?

*Camera moves on once again*

Francesca: Okay! I think I’m ready for this! I got this!

Fangxiu: Girl yes 🥰 Get ready to slay this competition away 😍

Francesca: Um, okay?

Charlotte: Don’t worry, darling, half these contestants look like they can’t count past 5. 

Taniyah: Girl, they don’t look that dumb..

Pietro: HEY! That’s not true! One! Two! Three! Four! uh.. Five! uh… um.. ah, crap..

Roman: Hah! Bro, you’re stupid, I could count to six!

Pierro: Oh yeah? Prove it.

Roman: You’re on bro!

Taniyah: *Looks at Charlotte* Alright, guess I was too nice.

Sigita: Hey, you guys ready to lose for me? 

*Everyone stops*

Dominique: Oh my god, you’re so pretty!! How do you get your hair that silky?!

Sigita: I don’t know, I might just be effortlessly beautiful.

Grace: Hey! I’m better though! Look at how preppy I am!

*Everyone ignores*

Grace: HEY! LOOK AT MY PREPPYNESS!! 😡

*The boat starts rocking a lot*

Boris: Hey, uh.. Is it just me or did this boat get faster?

*Cuts to captain’s headquarters, an intern is driving the ferry*

Intern: Heh, time to give them a small surprise!

*Ferry crashes into rocks, and the boat shakes*

Dominique: What was that?!

Fredrick: Crap, that was me. But I won’t say sorry since I’m sigma and saying sorry is such a beta move 🍷🗿

Eliza: *Sniffs* Oh god!

*Water enters the room the contestants are in*

Rajiv: Aww man!

Pietro: THE SHIPS SINKING!!

*Everyone jumps off the ferry before its goes underwater*

Dennis: *Quietly* Oh no.. We’re soaked..

Chris: *through megaphone* HEY CONTESTANTS! SWIM TO THE STUDIO NOW! THEN WE WILL HAVE THE FIRST CHALLENGE!

Roman: *Annoyed* Dude.. Really? Right Now!

*Up on dock where Chris is*

Jamil & Ines: We’re first!

Chris: Jamil! Ines! How’s it going?

Ines: This was lightwork!

Jamil! Yeah, swimming was basic training!

Chris: Haha, I wonder if you’ll call the CHALLENGES “lightwork”.

*Boris swims up next*

Chris: Next up is our strongman, Boris!

Boris: Hey, Chris. Is this the place.? Hoping it would be nicer..

Chris: Up next.. The track star, Leopold!

Leopold: Hey chris.

Chris: Model, Sigita!

Sigita: Hey!

Chris: Bad Boy, Andres!

Andres: Yo.

Chris: Pietro & Roman!

Pietro & Roman: Heyy!

Chris: Popular Girl, Cece!

Cece: Ugh..

Chris: Calm Stoic Sweetheart, Charlotte!

Charlotte: Hello.

Chris: Taniyah!

Taniyah: Wasgood, yall?

Chris: Gamer girl, Pauline!

Pauline: Hey Chris!

Chris: Epic Gamer, Wyatt!

Wyatt: Yooo!

Chris: Dominique, Dennis, Tamia, and Kenny!

Dominique: Hello World! :D

Dennis: *Sigh*

Tamia: Hey..

Kenny: I love yall!

Chris: Rajiv & Francesca!

Rajiv: Whats up, dudes!

Francesca: Hey everyone!!

Chris: William & Fangxiu!

William: Hey..?

Fangxiu: IM USING MY ROSE T- 😍

Chris: Maxim, Eliza, and Grace!

Maxim: Hey chris!

Eliza: Same as Maxim!

Grace: It’s so preppy in here!! >o<

Chris: Dwaeji..?

Dwaeji: Ohayo 🥺🥺

Chris: Bailey!

Bailey: I already have a million dollars!

Chris: and.. Eddy!

Eddy: Salutations!

Chris: And that makes… 27? We still have one more person..

*3 Hours Later*

Fredrick: *Slowly doggy paddles to the dock and gets up onto dock finally, breathing heavily* 

Chris: Dude.. you took 3 hours..? To swim 40 feet?

Fredrick: Uh.. I d-did that on p-purpose?? Heheh..?🍷🗿

Jamil: That was sad..

Chris: Anyway, it’s time for you’re first challenge!

Leopold: Don’t we need teams?

Chris: I was getting to that.. The first team WILL be to get into teams! Whichever team takes the longest to create will be up for elimination. Anyway, Get into 4 teams of 7!

Dennis: Tamia, you wanna join become teams?

Tamia: Yeah, Pauline, you wanna join too?

Pauline: Ok!

Ines: Jamil! Since we are creating our own teams, lets be a team!

Jamil: *Flexing Muscles* Yes! We’ll be the strongest team ever!

Dominique: *Looking at Eddy* Eddy, what’s wrong?

Eddy: Erm.. I think I have a bit of a crush on Sigita..

Dominique: Well, why not join teams with her? I can come along with you if you want!

Eddy: Um, ok! Hey Sigita, you wanna be teammates with me and Dominique?

Sigita: Alright, sure I guess..

Dominique: *to Eddy* You did it! Now that she’s on your team, you might have a chance!

Francesca: Hey, Charlotte, you wanna be teammates?

Charlotte: Yes, my darling! How about Taniyah?

Taniyah: Alright!

Fangxiu: CAN I CVME TOO 😍💅

Charlotte: Alright..

Maxim: Hey Eliza, you wanna become teammates?

Eliza: Sure!

Bailey: I’m classified the best teammate ever by 37 of the top 50 universities in the country so I’m joining you two!

Ines: Anyone else wanna join me and Jamil?

Grace: I’ll make this team 200% more preppy!

William: Uh.. I’ll join I guess?

Jamil: Ah, I think we just made the team worse. Eh, Wanna join up with Bailey, Eliza, and Maxim so we have a full team of 7? Eliza and Maxim seem smart, we might need some smarts to balance out Grace and William.

Ines: Keh, sure.

Chris: And the first of four teams are created!

Boris: Hey, Pietro & Roman, you 2 guys seem pretty strong, wanna join me?

Pietro: Sure Dude!!

Roman: Alright Nicee!!

Andres: Yo can I join?

Boris: Sure, you seem competitive! Let’s join Pauline, Dennis and Tamia so we have a full team.

Charlotte: Hmm.. the last ten people look rather horrible.

Taniyah: Now hold on, Leopold is a track runner so hes fast, and Cece is a snobby white girl but she finna be an even bigger pain if she’s on another team, so we can take in those two!

Leopold: Alright!

Cece: Fine, whatever.

Kenny: Hey, Rajiv dude, you wanna join Dominique?

Rajiv: Sure!!

Dominique: Alright, the last 3, Wyatt, Sigma, and Koreaboo. Let’s get Wyatt since he is good with strategy since he’s gamer and.. uh..

Wyatt: Lesgo!!

Leopold: We gotta get one last person for full team!

Taniyah: He’s Right, we gotta get one of the worst two..

Leopold: Uh.. Fredrick!

Cece: *extremely mad* UGH.. WHY?!

Leopold: At least he isn’t as bad as koreaboo Dwaeji!!

Cece: You know what, he just might be..

Chris: Alright! That means Dwaeji will join the losing team! Here are the four teams…

Ines & Jamil’s Team: Bailey, Eliza, Grace, Ines, Jamil, Maxim and William.

Boris’s Team: Andres, Boris, Dennis, Pauline, Pietro, Roman and Tamia.

Charlotte’s Team: Cece, Charlotte, Fangxiu, Francesca, Fredrick, Leopold and Taniyah.

Eddy’s Team: Dominique, Dwaeji, Eddy, Kenny, Rajiv, Sigita, and Wyatt.

Chris: Now, what will these four teams be named?

Andres: the Dead Bodies!!

Grace: Preppy Squad!!! >o<

Fangxiu: the Haunted Poosay-😍😍

Chris: THAT IS ENOUGH! I’ll give you team names!

Andres, Boris, Dennis, Pauline, Pietro, Roman and Tamia, you will be the Mighty Wizards!

*Cheering and Yelling from Team*

Bailey, Eliza, Grace, Ines, Jamil, Maxim and William, you will be the Ferocious Monsters!

*Cheering and Yelling from Team*

Cece, Charlotte, Fangxiu, Francesca, Fredrick, Leopold and Taniyah, you will be the Fearless Warriors!

*Cheering and Yelling from Team*

and since Dominique, Dwaeji, Eddy, Kenny, Rajiv, Sigita, and Wyatt are losing, they’ll be uh.. 4th Thing!!

*Annoyance and confusion*

Chris: Alright, I’ll see you tonight at the arena of losers! In the mean time, I’ll tell you where you guys will sleep!

*The group walks over to 4 run-down campers*

Andres: Eugh.. is this where we are sleeping?!

Grace: Soooo not preppy.. >:(

Chris: Hahah, yep. Don’t worry, the guys and girls get their own rooms, however the campers weren’t originally meant to be split into 2 rooms, so It will be REALLY cramped! 

Eddy: Erm.. actually if they were split in half but still stay the same size-

Chris: I DON’T CARE. Anyway, Get some rest before the elimination ceremony tonight, 4th Thing!

Sigita: God, I can’t believe we’re named that..

(It’s night time now, elimination ceremony takes place up on stage, the 7 are sitting in chairs next to chris, while the 3 other teams watch from the audience. The seven up for elimination are:

Dominique, the Social Butterfly,

Dwaeji, the Asiaboo,

Eddy, the Nerdy Band Kid,

Kenny, the Trashy Simp,

Rajiv, the Chill Guy,

Sigita, the Model, and

Wyatt, the Epic Gamer)

Chris: 4th Thing, you’re off to a bad start! Half the team is joke characters!

Wyatt: OH COME ON!

Dwaeji: So not sugoi.. 🥺

Chris: Okay, the votes from you seven have been submitted! If you’re safe, I’ll call your name and give you will get a famous “Golden Chris Award”! The first one safe is..

SIGITA!

*Sigita grabs her award*

DOMINIQUE!

*Dominique sighs of relief*

RAJIV!

Rajiv: Nicee.!

EDDY!

*Eddy does that stupid take the L dance from fortnite to impress Sigita*

KENNY!

Kenny: Aww yeah!!

Chris: the last two without an award. Wyatt and Dwaeji. Wh-

Wyatt: Wait.. we are both safe? Awesomesauce 🤑🤑

Chris: What are you talking about?

Dwaeji: You said both of our names.

Chris: PRETEND I DIDN’T SAY THAT! The one going home tonight is…

*Wyatt sweats mountain dew*

*Dwaeji sweats Jungkook’s tears*

Chris: Dwaeji. Wyatt, you’re here for another night. Seeya Dwaeji! Or should I say, Emily..

Dwaeji: WAIT.. you KNOW?! NOOOO.. nya.. 😖😖 Heh.. I guess I deserve it..:)

Dominique: Sorry Dwaeji, you’re just so.. uh.. enthusiastic.!!

Dwaeji: Whatever! I don’t need you! I don’t need a million dollars! I have my Bakugo body pillow 🥺🥺..

Chris: Well, you might be wondering how you’ll get home, I have..

*A giant robot with a giant hand slides up on a track*

Chris: We have a giant mechanical Will Smith that will slap you home! Have fun!

Dwaeji: Wait.. what?

*The robot starts charging towards Dwaeji, the arm stretching back before rocketing forward*

Eddy: Oh god.. This looks a bit hardcore, doesn’t it?

Chris: Nah.. I don’t think so..

Will Smith Robot: KEEEEEP. MY WIIIIFE’S. NAAAME. OUUUTCHA. FREEEAKING. MOUUTH!!!

*The hand slaps Dwaeji and she goes flying*

Dwaeji: AHHHHH!!

Chris: Haha, good riddance. Welp, there’s 27 left! Who will leave next? I guess we’ll see next time on.. TOTAL! DRAMA! MOVIES!

——————————————————————————————————

Hey everyone! This was the first part to my Total Drama fanseason. It’s definitely interesting.? I’m thinking that if this project get enough support, I’ll let the viewers vote in comments instead of the contestants. If you want that to happen, you could follow, comment, or even just like! I’m not asking for much either, just a few supporting and consistent commenters, I’ll start viewer voting! Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow for the next episode!