#like theres a lot you can do with the stories that would align with what seems to be her own personal theme that will still ring true with

[queen-lucy-the-valiant]

Each of the seven Narnia books has a moral message or theme at its foundation. Every major beat of the story is centered on and refers back to this theme, so if you take away or alter the theme, you alter the entire foundation of the story. Obviously these themes/messages align with Christian principles because this is Lewis we’re talking about. So, my interpretations of the themes are the following:

 Magician’s Nephew is about taking responsibilities for your actions, LWW is about being selfless but also about forgiveness, Horse and His Boy is about the golden rule, Prince Caspian is about belief without proof, Voyage is about conquering temptation/evil within yourself, and Silver Chair is about trusting in God’s plan even when it doesn’t make sense, and Last Battle is about hope and doing what you think is good even when it seems hopeless. 

Which I think is one of the reasons the Voyage movie falls flat when compared to the other two. One explanation is that it changes many things from the book, but Prince Caspian does that too. Both movies make drastic changes from their source material, but Prince Caspian doesn’t feel (at least to me) as drastically changed as Voyage, because Voyage’s changes go down to the very foundation of the book’s theme. Lewis is saying that there is ‘evil’ in everyone that we all have to repeatedly overcome while the movie is saying that evil is outside of us and that we can overcome it once and be done with it, which drastically changes the central theme of the story. Prince Caspian on the other hand adds a lot of the story but all of the changes stay true to the central theme of belief without proof (or they correct some of Lewis’ inconsistencies). You can change the details all you want for the most part, but the core theme of the story has to remain the same otherwise it’s just not the same story so it won’t feel the same.

So there’s this really big essay I want to write detailing all the changes and how they alter the theme or go along with the theme etc.

[the-lonelyshepherd]

"fanon lottienatters please stay away from me" oh!! shots fired!! 2,000 dead, 10,000 injured!! BUT curious about your specific definition for fanon lottienat and what you dislike about it <33

ohhhhh okay... alrrrrrr

this is like. one of my biggest issues. im not like a shipper, never rlly have been until yj but i dont like engage in discourse bc thats stupid.

But basically? Fanon lottienat just kinda strips anything thats interesting about the ship away. and makes it like. punk x preppy. loser x popular. ive even heard black cat and golden retriever which makes me want to rip my eyes out.

And its not even accurate to their characterization? at all? like youre flanderizing them but like..... not even their main traits. like ive seen people say "precrash lottie would be like charlotte from status update (curse that movie btw. the things i do for u courtney eaton) which is just. like not at all.

first off lottie is not popular. yeah, shes rich, but shes clearly somewhat of a loner (WHICH PARALLELS NAT?? WHICH MAKES IT MORE INTERESTING???) even courtney has said this in interviews. she feels ostracized, and a lot of it can be traced back to the flashback scenes we see, esp those about her relationship w her parents and her supposed mental illness. the 90s, especially the 90s in a high pressure rich family, was NOT a good place to have schizophrenia (and yeah theres the "she wasnt actually mentally ill" argument but that changes nothing because atp in the story her whole family and probably herself believed she was.

Then we have the nat characterization. The fanon "grumpy" to fanon lotties "sunshine". guys canonically nat smiles more than lottie. girlie was always grinning while lottie was experiencing the horrors all of s1. ofc they both went THROUGH it but that specific stereotype pissed me off sm i had to address it.

also, nat gets shown a lot as masc?? which is a fine headcanon but like for her style like the whole punk thing? she acc dresses relatively femininely.those are little irks abt nat but they bother me idc. too tired to write more on this rn but feel free to ask!

so basically taking this stuff into account - fanon lottienat uses a gross mischaracterization of both characters, especially lottie (also that suspiciously align w stereotypes HMMMMM) to literally make the ship more boring. You are making it a stupid and lame trope. You literally have these two insanely complex characters who mirror each other. Theyre not opposites attract, they are the same character in different skins. They're both loners, one because of her punk/rebel nature and nasty rumors, the other because of her mental illness and lack of closeness to people. Theyre both loners because of their social status and their fucked up home life. Theyre both providers - nat the hunter, bringer of physical and real food like the deer. Lottie the prophet, bringer of hope and, through the teams eyes, the birds, the bear, etc. Lottie who begs to be a martyr but is denied nat who runs from it but shoulders it anyways. They're both bleeding hearts they both give soul to the team and are some of the most genuine characters but they present it so differently.

The fact that the majority of content grossly mischaracterizes them and is the widely accepted fanon just.. sucks tbh. and the fact that people get so up in arms about them, and literally attack fans of other characters (lottielee fans... travis fans....) for no reason?? all these other characters do is contribute to what makes lottienat such a compelling and fucked up and interesting ship. i love them so much but lwk most of yall are insane and dont even appreciate them for what they really are.

thoughts questions comments concerns hmu

[cycle-hit]

wait why is lucky believed to be her victim /gen

this post by ryuseiired is very good! please go read it

kotokos t2 music video, notably, is also the only one who extends past her t1 mv "murder" (with mikoto as an exception- because i genuinely have no idea what to make of his t2 mv in terms of murder) to a curious amount- with an interesting focus on lucky. all of the other prisoner's t2 mvs are focused on what happened before/what caused the murder- if lucky was her victim, then this would make kotokos t2 mv align with the rest of the prisoners' t2 mvs.

kotoko, fascinatingly, is also the only prisoner thats been to court for her "murder"- at least that we know of. if milgrams purpose is to judge criminals outside the judicial court of law- is that not redundant? why have none of the other prisoners already been to court? why would kotoko be an outlier to this? unless, of course, kotoko isnt, and her actual "murder" is lucky, who she hasn't been to court for.

kotoko also just parallels or mirrors a lot of the prisoners who have "child murder" on their hands. haruka. shidou. fuuta kajiyama. mikoto in a way not because of his victim but because "john" has the motifs of someone who's been "newly born"- and soon he will "disappear". this argument has less substance though because kotoko literally parallels or mirrors every single prisoner in milgram in some way or another. you could even argue she mirrors yuno- both yuno and kotoko have come to hate a different "side" of themselves. and yuno. uhhhh. well. she doesnt have that baby anymore. heart <3

theres also the new anniversary art!

if kotokos victim was the man she killed- why is she holding the bouquet, which is meant to represent the prisoners victims in some way or another- hidden by her side? should it not be closer to how amanes is to show complete MALICE disrespect? should it not be on the ground beneath her feet if its the criminal she murdered whom she so despises? kotoko is still holding it carelessly, its petals are still going to shed or the flowers will fall- but shes still holding it. she still cares for the bouquet in some capacity. just not as properly as she should. its also worth noting that while haruka's and amane's bouquets have shed, kotoko's still hasnt despite her holding it like that. knives ( @tmasckotoko) also pointed out the absolutely devastating concept of lucky and kotoko "holding hands" bc it slightly looks like thats what she could be doing with the bouquet symbolism. maybe kotoko doesnt even notice shes holding the bouquet dangerously- to mirror her inattentiveness to what leaving lucky behind would do in the end.

youll see people arguing that kotoko DIRECTLY murdered lucky too- which i just completely disagree with. not only does it get rid of one of the main supporting arguments of kotokos murder being "indirect", but kotoko just. wouldnt? do that? her entire thing in harrow is saving children or avenging their deaths. why would she directly kill lucky. in milgram kotoko isnt even capable of hurting a child despite how much she insists she is- she fails to beat up amane post trial 1, and now she's made a deal with haruka to hurt neither him nor muu. (funnily enough though, haruka possibly IS going to indirectly die bc of her encouragement of his plan. MUCH LIKE SOMEONE ELSE YOU KNEW, KOTOKO, WHO WAS DEFINED AS "WEAK" AND ALSO WAS STILL A MINOR?). you can argue that she tried to punch es back in mikotos t1 vd i guess, but she did that with the prior knowledge that itd likely be stopped before it would ever reach them. she also warned es, albeit not very um. succinctly. i just. cant see kotoko hurting lucky directly in any capacity.

oh yeah! theres also the story of jacques roulet- which is the clothing brand that kotoko wears. jacques roulet was a werewolf who was sent to a "madhouse" for eating a child. 👍

[vampiric-succulent]

OUAW EP 46:

Spoilers y’all! Also this one is REALLY long. And. Uh. Yeah.

Oh shit the Jabberwock figure!!! Is this the sword that the Campestri were talking about?

Blue vs red roses…….

Given that this is possibly the Palace/Kingdom of Heart’s Desire, maybe the blue represents the allies of Zybilna and the red represents the hags (or maybe opposite bc the temple seems to be of the hags—-idk)

Is the Jabberwock hag-aligned? Or is it kinda doing it’s own thing

TORBEK AND THE HOSES

Gricko and Frost go trick or treating w hootsie!!!

FROST GLASSES MOMENT LETS GO

“Gideon chooses not to read. Torbek can’t read. We are not the same.”

Love that Gricko gaslit Gideon into pulling the sword out of the stone and he didn’t even have to try to get him to do it

Also love how Nikkie’s immediate idea is “let’s rip the page out of the expensive book”

“Gideon’s trying to vandalize private property” “That has NEVER been a problem for you before” “…We’ll talk about this afterwards.”

Oooh cool sword

Guys what do you think “galumphing” is—- there we go

“I don’t know if we count— we’re friends!” “They’ve seen you masturbate many times.” OH

At the jabberwock fighting arena. Straight up “galumphing” it. And by it. Well. Let’s juts say. My blade

Ohh wait maybe the roses thing is who can get to the Jabberwock first

JABBERWOCK DEEZ NUTS AND GRICKO IS CRYING

IT. ITS GALUMPHING. WOW

He can’t galumph 😭😭

“WELL GET UP HERE AND HELP ME GALUMPH!!!” I AM GOING TO CHOKE

How many nat20s can Mace get

Oh shit!!! I think the blue petals was right!! It was an accident but still right

Love Gricko’s parental moments w Hootsie. I live for that

Oh it’s just some kid’s room

SHE HAS THE KREMY KNIGHT ATOP GID’S STEED AND THE GID KNIGHT ATOP KREMY’S

What if this girl is like Fate? Like she’s controlling the story as she plays with her toys

If she is fate and those two steeds are switched then I will be very happy

Hey leave Derek alone yes the connection is laid out but it’s a lot of info chill

OHHHHH FUCK THE LITTLE PRINCE!!!!!!!!!!!! YEP OKAY SO SHES PLAYING THE STORY AS IT GOES—- so who’s Grandmother??? Can’t be Zybilna as she’s asleep and locked away, id be so shocked if it was something like Baba Yaga

BUHBUHBUH WHAT IF THE CHILD IS ZYBILNA OMGOMGOMGOMGOMFOMG

Grandmother brought her into the tower because she says it’s not safe. The child doesn’t know what’s outside the tower. The child says it’s not wise to say her name and that Grandmother says she is very powerful “even for her age.” Zybilna is stuck in time— I thought that meant she was trapped in slowed time but maybe she’s trapped in eternal childhood? That makes so much sense. Oh my god.

I’m convinced this child is Zybilna

THERES A SNAKE IN TORBEK’S BOOT. Very sad that Andy isn’t going the Toy Story route tho.

GRICKO IS A CLOWN. GRICKO IS A CLOWN. MIKEY IS BACK IN HIS ELEMENT. CHUCKLES RETURNS.

Why does Zybilna like the Jabberwock? Or whatever it was before? What was it before?? WHO IS THE PRINCE ACTUALLY??? And why can they not work without each other if the party is here now???

I am also scared rn. What if they never turn back.

DEREK BEING A MIME IS SO PERFECT

Loving Derek’s mimings

YES RICH IS GOING THE TOY STORY ROUTE

BRETT IS BACK

“Do you have your Mojo Dojo Casa House?” “Well let’s find out— can you open your ass?”

Ohh is the Prince the King of Hearts??? That would make sense

HER TWIG PUPPET??? And the roses are bad????

NOT THE ELABORATION ON THE POTATO TOY ASS STORAGE

“There ain’t no eyeballs in this ass!”

“You cannot see that boy anymore, T— I mean, Morgana” WHAT IS THE NAME YOU WERE GOING TO SAY??? If it’s Titania then I’m so wrong about everything

WHAT IF THIS CHILD IS THE BABY SISTER OF THE HAGS?????? Didn’t they say that the baby’s name is Tasha or something?? So why is she aligned with the Prince and, presumably, Zybilna??? DOES THIS MEAN THE GRANDMOTHER IS THE ENTITY IN THE HUT?????????????????????

Yup. Yup yup yup. So she’s not necessarily with Zybilna, just anti-Jabberwock for some reason. Why????

Well this is giving me some ideas

“Twig belongs to herself. Get rekt.”

“If anything happens to Twig, you will all pay the price.” Uh oh. Something’s gonna happen to Twig again.

OH THEYRE IN AN HOURGLASS. HOLY FUCK

also what if Zybilna and the fourth sister are the same? I think that might be not possible given timelines but still

HOLY FUCK IS THIS BABA YAGA????? (I’m very latched into this Baba Yaga thing but I think it’s right unless there’s someone else who fits the Time narrative better)

THE JABBERWOCK IS HERE

Mace save your 20s!!!!!

Shit man I gotta go to sleep

OH FUCK FROST DOWN

This is gonna be a TPK unless y’all run NOW

Gideon please use your fancy dagger

YUP CALLED IT IT WANTS THE KING OF HEARTS’ CHESS PIECES

GUYS PLEASE CONSIDER MULTICLASSING INTO CLERICS AND OR PALADINS AND OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT CAN HEAL

Frost is being iconic rn

ARENT JABBERWOCKS A DRAGON LIKE FEY CREATURE???!??!!???!

Okay so Gideon is dead! Great!! Nikkie what’s your rule on taking damage beyond your death points??

THIS THING DOES SO MUCH HOLY FUCK

You guys are not defeating this thing I’m so sorry

FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Oh my god. Gideon is dead. Like actually dead. Kremy is down. And Gricko told Hootsie to run. I’m sure he’ll catch up soon. Surely.

Nikkie what the fuck??!?!?! Why would you dread that???? Genuinely this thing is too much for these guys what the fuck is your plan

Oh my god Kremy is going to die

What possibly could they have done to get out of this????? The thing has tracking abilities they were fucked either way—- the only possible way to get out of this thing would be to get rid of the chess pieces quickly but NIKKIE KEPT DREADING THE GODDAMN INT AND PERCEPTION CHECKS

FUCK KREMY IS DEAD. KREMY AND GIDEON ARE DEAD.

They’re not. They’re not getting out of this. They’re all dead.

There’s gotta be a reason Nikkie is going so viciously at this. There’s gotta be some sort of catch or save. Please let there be some sort of save. Please. Please. This has gotta be some sort of nightmare. Please let this just be a nightmare. Please. Please. Please.

Fuck this is literally Frost’s nightmare. This is exactly the situation he saw in the Tunnel of Terror. All his friends are dying and there’s nothing he can do about it. Also that is my nightmare specifically

NOT HOOTISE. COME ON NIKKIE. NOT HOOTSIE.

This has to be a nightmare! Or some sort of dread vision!!!! They’re all gonna wake up at the end of the session and be fine!!!!!!!!

There’s no way that the Jabberwock just comes out and ends then. I know it’s totally powerful enough to do that but there’s so much story left.

Okay. Okay no. No one woke up. There was no dream. No nightmare. No thankful awakening. They’re dead.

I’m still going to hold out hope.

[yuri-is-online]

That stuff about the guys being told about yuu's got me also thinking about being told about their myths, legends, and fairy tails. A world without magic still has all these stories about mers or fae....tho they prob shouldn't be told about some darker stuff...theres certainly an interesting one about how eating the flesh of a mermaid's tail will give eternal youth/life and a lot about fae eating or stealing kids.

You are very ok friend, the differences between our world's fairy tales and twst's is something I have been thinking about specifically because of things like this σ(￣、￣=) As long as you don't actively describe the process of eating other people I'm usually ok.

The mermaid flesh myth is more or less specific to Japan (at least i think) and while it does grant you eternal life it's also extremely taboo. You gain eternal life, but are more or less cursed and forced to live a solitary existence. Twisted Wonderland actually sort of references this in the first Halloween Event. As part of their plan to spook off the magicam monsters Azul tells them that mummified merfolk used to be seen as a sort of cure all by humans, which also is true of human mummies in our world, but we don't know if that's a real "fact" in this world or shit Azul made up to scare the guests. The octotrio in general do not seem to shy away from darker implications, so I could see them not being so disgusted they don't want to learn about it. (I could see Floyd maybe making a few rather tasteless jokes that get worse as Jade encourages him. Azul just wants to assure you that his flesh has no medicinal properties.)

As for the fae... I think Lilia would be the most interested in learning these things, which I say a lot in these posts but I want to point out that he places a big emphasis on learning about how other people see the world. He might not want to be active in Briar Valley politics anymore, but I could see him encouraging Yuu to talk about how their world sees fae with Malleus specifically so he can think about how to responsibly use his power. It's obvious to them that they don't eat children or steal them away, but why might people think that way? Lilia seems to think it's important to try and understand that, which makes me really like him tbh

What I would really want the octotrio's (and diasmonia gang to a lesser extent) opinion on is things like Selkies. I mentioned in my long fic musing that how Disney's Hercules and the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice play out are very different, but the same sort of goes for other love stories in our world. The concept of stealing yourself a wife is featured a lot in certain myths, and the couple doesn't always live happily ever after. I rather like the idea of a Yuu who despite being the more good aligned character is extremely resigned to tragedy and things ending baldy vs the twst boy their in love with thinking that specifically because they are in love with Yuu things should work out because in their world myths about love end happily. You could make that dynamic toxic, but I like to think of it in the sense that despite not being the best person, whoever you ship Yuu with will literally move the heavens and earth for them so they can get that happy ending.

Anyway have two songs that deal with the above topic (warning they are from very different genres):

[not-poignant]

salut pia!

ive been wondering? how do you handle/change modes when you’re writing across AUs/fics? i mean not only the personality/attribute changes (like role reversal with ef and gwyn) but also change in…oh how do i say this..when a character is a MC in one but side/minor in another? bc they are different devices to different stories, how do you keep an overview of how much you reveal, go into so as to not side track from the main story or change the “flow”. example: whenever theres mentions of gender identity and betas somethin somethin feeling like omegas somethin somethin comes up “casually” sirens go off in my head and then i realise wait faber is NOT the MC in this story this is not about him him but its a little bit about him him. and then i feel like im standing behind a glass wall looking from Utb/Utg to Utr screaming at faber but he is a NPC here so we dont know whats going on in his head. that scene with ef and him eating carrots?…. i would give my right foot and skin tone copic markers to be a fly on the wall in fabers POV (the timelines probably wont align for it to happen but would you ever consider sth like this?? a scene overlapp across stories i mean?)

i’ve mostly read within that universe but ive also read spoils where your characters have completely different..positions? roles? weight? than in rainbow. so yeah how do you keep it all “appropriate” or “fitting” for their roles in different stories. like a puppet master

cheers xx

Hi anon,

So this is going to be not very helpful, but I don't write this stuff down for the most part.

This is the stuff I find so easy that this is why this is my job, in a way. I don't have a list of 'different Efnisiens' to keep track of, or 'different Gwyns.' They become themselves within the story. If I read a chapter of the story I get back into it (actually often I just need to listen to a song or put on the right playlist). Every version of a character is kind of there right now. I know how each would respond to something, and how those things would be the same or vary based on life experiences and the question etc.

I don't do really much at all to change modes. I just...do. There is no overview. It's all in my head. I'd say some of this goes down to how long / how many years I've spent studying character and dialogue overall. But even when I was younger I found this pretty easy, and transplanting characters into different situations to see how they'd react similarly / differently was one of my favourite kinds of exercises even when I was a teenager.

Some of it is knowing focus. Faber's side story is interesting, for those who like Faber and/or Underline the Red, hints about his gender struggles are fascinating, but they can only ever be hints, because I'm mindful that many readers aren't interested in Faber except as a minor character, and haven't read Underline the Red.

The focus is always Efnisien and Gary. Other characters can have their own lives and motivations, but it won't be more than that in the main story. Though I can go into a bit more detail because of the length of the story which is really nice for building out side characters / ensemble cast.

As to crossover perspectives, I don't know! I know we'll see some of Faber's perspective of Efnisien arriving at Hillview in Underline the Red, but obviously things impact characters differently at different times, I don't know what will be most important by the time we get to Faber's side of things. I used to write alternative perspectives as side chapters for Fae Tales though, and that could be a lot of fun.

so yeah how do you keep it all “appropriate” or “fitting” for their roles in different stories.

I saw a video by Hank Green I think once where he said the reason sportspeople are so good at their sports is in part because they're physically often the best at that sport anyway. Like, ballerinas have a certain build, swimmers have a certain build, and any training they do works to support that and make them better, but they were 'built' out for those sports in the first place. Some people have yoga bodies. I have a swimming body and swimming shoulders.

And I feel like this is true sometimes with writing. I don't try to keep it appropriate or fitting, I just know that the ensemble characters can't matter as much as the main characters in the course of the story. That's what a story is. That's what a main character and an ensemble character is. I would say years of experience has made this part of writing mostly easy and fun for me, so I don't have to think or overthink about this stuff anymore. At worst I might think 'was that too much Faber? Eh, it's helping Efnisien, it's still important to the plot and his character arc.'

I'm 'built' for writing big worlds with big ensemble casts where all the characters are important but where the focus is only on a couple of main characters per story. I'm built for character-focused stories and seem to be very built for transplanting characters I love into different worlds (and different roles) to see how that changes things. I started wanting to write these kinds of worlds and characters when I was 10 years old, and had my first sprawling ensemble fantasy series started by the age of 11. By the age of 15 I had a 3 novel fantasy trilogy built out with about 20 significant characters, and it was ridiculous and silly but that was what I wanted to write.

And I guess you could say I haven't really changed, I've just gotten better at it. I hope to keep getting better at it! The challenge now is to figure out how to break down some of these skills so I can share them with others. But...I do think there's an element of 'this is just what I love, it's a special interest, I don't know how to convey that I have 30 years of special interest in reading, writing, and studying this thing across television, manga, manhwa, fanfiction, AUs, and fictional series.' There will be teachable skills in that, but I don't know how much osmosis / absorption / and being obsessed with entangled tapestries of stories makes up what I do.

In some ways it would be 'better' if I was built for more conventional storytelling. My bank account might like that more! BUT, I'm doing okay where I'm at, because I love it, and I try to share that with other people and see if I can tell stories that resonate with them too.

(There are aspects of what I do that are very hard for me - timelines, aspects of worldbuilding, pacing in the first arc, and so on, but the actual characterisation part, and creating multiple versions of the same character is as easy as breathing. I could give you four more different versions of Faber in an hour. Maybe even twenty minutes. It's not hyperbole, it's just...how I daydream, what I think about. And it's fun!)

I'm very very very lucky that other folks are willing to read the same characters across different narratives, because it's a very strange thing to do in writing outside of fanfiction, case in point being that we almost never see any other professional authors doing it with their original works. x.x

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ college spirit (chapter 7)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5k

Chapter warnings- okay so this is probably the chapter with the most warnings, there is a lot of alchohol, lots of swearing, theres themes of relationship abuse, physical abuse, manipulation, blood mention, we see jungkook btw (bc its party time) Taehyungs heart is in the right place but he does something bad. Kaito is a dickhead say it with me. dont read if youre sensitive to domestic abuse themes, this one was rough yall. also apologies for spelling errors.

A/N- So this is the chapter I would label as story changing, everything kind of takes a giant move in an opposite direction from here on out, Its crazy but hope you enjoy!!

-

Growing up, you thought that life would just magically align the moment you hit your 20's, you would be married with 2 kids living somewhere that provided everything you needed, and anything you wanted. You can laugh at yourself now for thinking, or even considering, that your early 20's would be any different from your teen years.

Because, with that said, here you were laying in bed with Taehyung as he slept, while your boyfriend was out doing God knows what. Granted, he isnt the best boy to use as an example, but just a few hours ago you almost kissed your best friend. You are a lot of things, but despite the shitty situation, you are not a cheater.

You could have yelled at him, you could have made a big deal about what happened outside, but you didnt.

You told yourself that this was taehyungs night to shine, so you dropped it and did what you both always do, forget it even happened. He is stubborn though, and snuck into your bed right before you fell asleep.

Its not unusual for you both to sleep near one another, but you would think he would get the hint that things needed to simmer down for a few.....guess not.

"youre awake?"

you turned your head to the raspy voice beside you, rubbing your eyes as you hummed. "yeah"

He smiled and stretched, burying his face into the pillow before reluctantly sitting up against the headboard.

"You sleep okay?" you ask

"yeah" tae chuckled, "Sort of have a headache..."

"ah" you reached into your nightstand and grabbed some Tylenol, handing the pills over to him along with your not drunk water bottle from last night.

He smiled graciously and took the medicine, sipping the bottle before clearing his throat. "thanks" the boy yawned. "any plans today?" he looked at you

You pulled down the sheet and sat up as well, groaning at the stubborn sunlight peaking through your curtains. "Um...yeah. shit I forgot....some of my friends are throwing a party and I said I would show up. I dont know why I agreed"

"what?" tae whined "just dont go"

"nah they will be pissed at me, they already called me a prude for working and being home all day after school" you shrug

Tae sunk into the bed, upset that you would be out and about while he stayed in the apartment. "I'll just make an appearance, then make my exit, okay? it wont be like an all night thing, swear" you rambled.

"can I go at least?" he pleaded with big eyes

sighing, you look up at the ceiling. "eh, Im not sure thats....I dont know if its a good idea"

"why not?"

"because you dont know anyone over there except from Chae and Dahyun...who youve only met a few times, and-"

"whos throwing the party?"

"...I dont know? Some kid named Jungkook"

"see? you dont even know whos gonna be there so whats the difference if I go?" he insisted

"Because I definitely will recognize people, we all are on the same campus, you wont know a soul"

"Pleaseeee" he jokingly whined and held onto your arm.

"tae"

"Is kaito going?"

"yes"

"then I will too"

you scoff and pull back, "youre going just because he is?"

He looks at you, "no, I just- whatever im going" he stands up and flairs his arms around dramatically before going into the bathroom to wash up, not giving any room to further the conversation.

you fall back against the pillows and sigh. You never wanted to go, but you thought perhaps you had a chance at having fun, now that chance was at like....0.0002%. You loved tae, but certain people in your life dont, certain people who will be at that party, certain people who told you not to bring him.

-

"Yes mom, i-...yes yes, I already said that" you paced around the kitchen with your cellphone pressed to your ear, attempting to clean off the counters while conversing with your mother who was back in Gwangju.

"Well im just saying, your birthday is next month and I would come to Busan myself but my back is still giving issues, doctor said no travel. Would love to see you and kaito come visit me"

You looked around the kitchen as you listened to your mom speak, eyes catching on taehyung who was eating an english muffin in the living room, writing an email to his mom about how he won the art contest.

"I'll talk to him, we both have crazy schedules right now and the semester isnt over until the end of next month, so-"

"its okay if you cant, im just throwing it out there"

"no no, i'll find a way, ok? I only turn 23 once, and Im sure Kaito will love to meet you too."

Tae took a bite of his food and cocked his head to you, raising his eyebrows as you silently shrugged in response.

"Ok....mhm. I love you too mama, text me, okay? ...bye bye" you sigh and put your phone down.

"early birthday festivities?"

"yeah....Im gonna visit mom in a few weeks and she asked me to bring the..boy" you giggle, making him smile.

"she doesnt wanna see me?"

"I think she just wants to meet my current boyfriend, youll see her on easter" you pat his back and walk into your room.

-

"I think Jungkook is cute" Dahyun spoke up, biting into her donut as she scrolled through social media, showing his photos to Chae.

"eh he is oka- woah, yeah hes hot" she leaned closer into her friends phone as Kaito sighed and handed over their coffees. "thanks bean boy" chae chuckled and sipped her drink.

"If you guys are gonna harass me on my shift you can go" he adjusted his apron before wiping off the counter. "do you seriously plan on waiting until I get off of work? you cant drive yourself to the party?"

"what else do we have to do? and....its raining" dahyun drank her coffee, turning to Kaito. "plus you only have another 30 minuets, hurry up"

Chae laughed and walked over to sit in one of the booths as kaito took a new customers order.

"dahyun cmere"

The girl walked over and sat with her friend, looking down at her phone. "whats that?"

"Its Y/N and taehyung" she snickered, scrolling through the collected photos you took last night on your instagram.

Kaito peered over at his friends, curious upon hearing your name brought up. "Oh, yeah, they had this stupid art thing last night, guess he won or whatever" he dried his hands and handed the customer their drink.

"this doesnt look like a art thing" Dahyun smirked

"what?" he came from behind the counter, walking over to see a video of you, drunk, at some bar with taehyung, eating fries.

"she said she was going home after" he pouted and took the girls phone into his hands

"hey!" chae snatched her phone back

"she lied to me" he scoffs and looks again at the videos. "this was last night? youre sure?"

"it says 18 hours ago, yes"

He scratched his head and silently walked back to his position, not speaking a single word until his shift ended. The girls sharing humorous yet worried glances at eachother.

-

"He isnt picking you up"

"what?" you walk around the lobby of your apartment complex as you struggle to comprehend your friend on the other line.

"He said he cant pick you up, but he would see you at the party" Chae spoke louder.

"why cant he pick me up?, where-, what is he doing?"

"I dont know, but thats what he said, ask him" she responded shortly before getting distracted by someone else and hanging up on accident.

You sigh loudly and walk over to taehyung who was resting on the bench. "so hes not picking me up, big surprise"

"what?" he sat up and faced you

You two had gotten ready quickly around 6pm and waited in the lobby for your boyfriend, who you thought would be picking you up.

"I dont know" you shrug and pinch the bridge of your nose,

"hey its okay, i'll go back upstairs and get my keys...ill drive us" he patted your back as you looked at your feet.

"no its not that, I just....he's been acting so off and different. I sent him a cute message last night and he texted me back all lovey dovey this morning, now hes ignoring me, I cant take his fucking moodswings"

"im sorry" he mumbled, looking around at the busy lobby. "maybe...maybe I shouldnt go, like, do you think hes mad that we hung out last night?" he asked

"I dont know anymore, man" you look back at him, "I think we should just go, im not gonna hide from him...maybe I can get him to talk with me" you sigh and stand to your feet. "Im okay with you coming just really...keep your distance"

"from you?"

"from him"

he nods and stands, "okay, just wait here i'll get my keys"

-

The house party was loud, maybe too loud for an on campus event, especially considering it was only 7pm. You practically felt the music blaring inside of you as you timidly stepped into the crowded house. You were immediately met with the mixed aroma of sweat, alcohol, bath and body works perfume, and incense.

"eugh.." you turn to Taehyung and carefully grabbed his arm, leading him out of the busy room. "Just sit, im gonna go look for Kai an-"

"Y/N!"

you turn your head to be met with an already drunk Chae, bringing you into her sweaty arms.

"oh..hey, uh-"

"you need to come with me, we are doing Karaoke upstairs, and Im winning" she yelled, alcohol evident on her breath as it smacked your face.

"you can win Karaoke?" tae mumbled behind you

"yes, yes you can!!" she pointed at him and grabbed your arm, "lets go bitch"

"wait y/n, dont leave me" tae pouted and grasped your other arm.

"I promise ill be right back, okay?" you offered a slight apologetic smile before being whisked away by your friend upstairs, leaving the boy alone in a room full of unfamiliars.

As you made your way into some cleared out room, your eyes were drawn to the huge Karaoke machine set up. "woah..."

"Yeah woah cmon lets go sing a celine dion song"

"chae hold on, wheres Kaito?"

"who?"

you sighed and looked around before grabbing her shoulders, "my boyfriend, Kaito, I need to talk to him, like now. Tall, black hair, you know.....goes by kaito." you dramatically explained as you watched your best friends eyes widen

"Oh yeah.... he is mad at you" she snickered and was quickly distracted by other people, running away before you could question anything she had just said.

"what the fuck" you exhaled, pushing through everyone to try and find kai.

Meanwhile, Taehyung navigated the party downstairs as he awkwardly made his way to the kitchen. There was no order of cleanliness, there was no organization, and the looks of all the mixed red solo cups scattered throughout the entire room kind of disgusted him. He didnt trust any of it, he lifted up a bottle of what looked like tequila and sniffed it, nope, definitely not tequila.

He gave up on finding something to sip on, leaning against the kitchen island as he peered around the large space that seemed too loud for his liking.

Perhaps this was how you felt last night in the art museum.

" 'scuse me" a voice came up beside the boy, making him quickly turn his head and try to figure out who was talking to him, the dim lighting making it difficult.

"what?"

"youre standing in front of the vodka. excuse me" the man repeated, only then did Taehyung understand and scoot over to the side, allowing access to the alcohol. "sorry" he murmured.

"dont think Ive seen you around" the man joked, smiling as he poured and mixed two different bottles into his cup. "whats your name?"

Taehyung looked down to his feet and quickly decided if he should lie or be honest, figuring that these were all college kids, and well, he was not.

"uh, im taehyung. Kim taehyung" he decided, holding out his hand in a gesture of a handshake.

The man looked down and chuckled, ignoring the greeting and looking up at tae. "yeah? you seem unsure"

"yes, thats my name. sorry, i dont usually do parties and shit"

"i can tell man" he took a sip of his drink, audibly wincing before smiling. "Im Jungkook"

Tae raised his brow in acknowledgment

"wanna drink? you look tense" jungkook patted his shoulder and offered him a sip of his own cup, which taehyung reluctantly drank from.

"eugh, jesus christ, that tastes awful"

"I know, but it will get you fucked up" jungkook shrugged,

"hey jungkook wheres Jin at? he said he wou-" a voice came into the kitchen, stopping abruptly when he stood in front of Tae.

"hey" taehyung swallowed harshly

well. he found kaito.

Kaitos eyes drunkingly looked over his figure, a look of disgust and only disgust is what best could be described as his reaction to him being here.

"ah no way, you guys know eachother?" jungkook looked between the two of them happily,

"sort of..." taehyung chuckled, feeling sweat develop on his neck and back.

"wheres y/n?" he asked, looking at him intensly

"Uh, I genuinely dont know...she went away with chae and-"

"wait, y/n is here?" jungkook interrupted, stepping between them both.

"yeah" they both said at the same time before meeting eachothers eyes again.

"dude.....where is she? shes hot as hell" he whisper yelled, peaking into the next room excitedly.

Taehyung glared at the boy, waiting to see kaitos reaction.

"I know, shes my girlfriend"

"no shit dude!" jungkook slapped kaitos back, now ignoring tae completely. "lucky ass"

"nah man" they both stood a few feet away from tae in the doorway, speaking quietly. "she got the worst personality, stuck up as hell. walks and talks as if she doesnt know the only reason boys talk to her is for her tits" he slurs and bursts out laughing

"damn thats harsh man... even for you"

"whatever, i dont care. you can probably have her next...." he sipped his beer quickly

Taehyung felt the anger course through his chest, he wanted to run up and say something, but frankly, he was scared of Kaito, and you had mentioned something about him when he was drunk. If this was it, yeah, its scary.

He immediately stormed out of the room and pushed through the crowd to search for you, the music now blasting louder than before. He quickly walked up to someone familiar by the stairs

"Dahyun, is Y/N around? is she upstairs?"

"taehyung!" she hugged him, "uh...I think? Chae is probably working her. shes ok im sure" she giggled and dragged him over to a lighter area. "look at my manicure! give me an honest opinion. Jimin said it wasnt work $80 bucks and I should just do them myself now, but I think its cute and-"

she went on and on about something that had nothing to do with him for what seemed like forever. Whos jimin? who cares its just a manicure?

he thought to himself as he smiled and nodded.

"they look good, gotta go" he quickly spoke, politely tapping her shoulder before making a dash upstairs. He checked each door, opening up a bathroom to expose two randoms making out.

"oh! uh, im sorry" he covered his eyes and slammed the door shut, walking to the other hall and entering a loud and packed room. "hey chae..." he walked up to the girl, who was in the middle a very intense just dance session with some other poor girl who fell victim.

"heEyy!!" she slurred and danced over to him

He smiled and caught her as she tripped, helping her up. "whats upppp?"

He laughed and made sure she was able to stand on her own before speaking. "do you know where Y/N is?"

"did you see my dancing?" she randomly questioned

"yes, I saw your dancing chae, very nice, now have you seen y/n?"

she looked around curiously before speaking, "oh, yeah, she went to the bathroom!" she yelled into his face

"great, thanks" he gave a thumbs up as he went back into the hall. well he knew which bathroom you werent in.

He trailed down the hall and walked into a bedroom that seemed to be empty, he gently called out your name.

"I'll be out in a second" you shout back, making him exhale in relief. He shut the door to the bedroom and sat on the bed as he waited for you to exit the restroom.

"oh, tae, hi" you mumbled, walking out to him. "you okay?"

"y/n, we need to talk, like...now" he stood up as you made your way over, standing in front of him.

You saw the concern on his face as he spoke, clearing your throat. "wh-whats wrong? what happened?"

"I ran into Kaito and I think-

the door slowly creaked open, a certain someones head peaking in.

"Oh surprise surprise, youre in here with her" Kaito opened the door and walked over, stumbling over his feet.

You stepped closer to tae, feeling fear seep in as you took in your boyfriends very drunk state.

"get out" he looked at taehyung

"no im no-"

"just get the fuck out" he bit

"Taehyung please its okay just go" your voice choked, eyes tearing up as you led him to the door.

"dont let him do anything" he whispered, as you shut the door in his face, making him take a deep breath as he paced through the busy hall outside.

You slowly turned to the boy, waiting for him to speak.

"so, I know that...maybe this is not the best time or whatever to bring this up, but im ready to just..." he began, pausing after words as his thought process was slowed.

"ready to what?" you fidgeted with your bracelets, keeping by the door in case he tried to touch you again.

"move on with my life" he laughed and looked at you.

"wh..what?"

"y/n lets be honest, you dont give two fucking shits about me anymore, so why are we doing this. you dont care, you never have"

you scoffed, "Kaito you are drunk...stop this please, you have no idea what youre saying! How dare you say I dont care about you when all ive done is worry about where you have been and why you are upset!"

"oh please" he stood up and walked around. "you wouldnt care if I died tomorrow, you would find the next boy toy to move on to."

"stop" you mumble, "im not like that, you are being an awful person to me right now"

he walked over and laughed, "why? because im calling you out? calling you out for being a whore?"

you bit the inside of your cheek to avoid breaking out in tears right then and there. you couldnt even speak, you were too afraid and frankly confused on what even caused this sudden outburst.

"you are the one crying? really? I should be upset, I am upset."

he shook his head as he looked at you, " I dont think theres anything left for us right now, so just leave it at that, yeah?" he mumbled into your face as you shoved you aside, allowing him to open the door.

You were shocked, you planned on coming to fix whatever was going on between you both, all of the stressing, just to for him to get drunk and break up with you in some random bedroom. no.

You carefully grasped his arm before he left, "kai, please dont do this" you whispered, his arm forcefully pulling away from you. "dont"

Kaito stormed through the people out in the hall, making his way down the stairs as your eyes met taehyungs. You avoided stopping to talk with him as you decided to run after Kaito.

You were embarrassed. You tried to convince tae that you were in a happy and loving relationship, the little lie was now unraveling as the night ensued right in front of him and your friends.

"wait, please" you called out, following your boyfriend into the living room where the music blared. you tried your best to weave through as best you could, finally catching up to the boy and attempting to reason with him once more.

"baby please can we just talk?" you ask loudly, facing his back as he stood in the crowd.

"No, dont call me that" he mumbled.

"Y/N!!! whats up!" Jungkook ran out of the kitchen to your side, smiling and hugging you. "nice to formally meet you, are you enjoyin- why are you crying?" he pulled away and took in your appearance

"Im sorry Im just dealing with something" you calmly tried to explain, kaito turning around to the both of you. "dont listen to a word this slut says" he bit, making you swallow harshly.

Jungkook looked taken back, his eyes meeting yours sympathetically. "hey, cmon man, dont....dont say that. youre having another beer?" he asked, genuinely concerned for his friends behavior.

Taehyung pushed through and made his way to the living room, eyes wandering for you. He assumed it was best to just leave now, unaware of what had gone down just a few moments prior. He found you standing next to Kaito and Jungkook, watching from afar as he contemplated going over and taking you away.

"dont touch me" kaito shivered away from your touch, making you sigh. "lets go home to my apartment, we need to talk and get you sober, youve drunk too much" you spoke, looking at jungkook for support.

"yeah cmon, listen to her. its probably whats best." he nodded

Kaito looked down with anger at his feet as you stared at him for a moment, you were hesitant to speak any further, but the boy needed help and never listened. He needed to get sober and then probably never drink again. this....wasnt kaito.

"lets just go please? I'll take care of you sweetheart its okay, I-" your hand gently reached out to hold onto his jaw, carefully caressing it as you tried to get him to pick his head up.

You werent sure what exactly had happened, all you knew is that one second you were reasoning with him, the next, the side of your face was burning in pain.

Kaito had pulled back and struck you to the ground.

before you knew it there was a crowd of people surrounding the incident, Jungkook pulling Kaito away as he spit words out at you, none of which you could hear. The music had faded out of your hearing, and the lights were hazed. Your face burned with shame as you struggled to stand up, eyes watching you with concern and shock.

You felt hands immediately pick you up to your feet, turning to see it was Taehyung. You tried to explain but you didnt even comprehend what was coming out of your mouth.

he looked pale, in more pain than you were. His eyes glanced over you and back at kaito as he felt rage fill throughout him, carefully setting you aside as he approached the other boy and suddenly punched him across the face, the room gasping immediately.

"hey- fuck! stop guys!!!" Jungkook tried to seperate them, but there was no use. Taehyung had kaito by his collar, fist repeatedly punching into his face as he fell to the floor, blood on his skin and clothing.

You stood back, unable to fully understand what the fuck was happening. Once it kicked into your mind, your feet were racing over to him, yanking on the back of his shirt. "stop!!! Taehyung stop!!!!" you screamed, other guests joining in to help stop it as well. Your friends stood in the corner, shocked at what they had just witnessed.

"are you okay, miss?" some random man came up, asking you as you realized how many people had been around, asking you questions, none you even heard or noticed.

Someone finally pulled Taehyung away from kaito, who had passed out against the cold tile, nose and mouth bleeding as you watched in horror.

"What the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU?" you screamed at Taehyung, grabbing onto his shirt and shaking him, tears spilling as he looked down at you.

He didnt respond, he let you flip out as people tried to fix up the unconscious boy on the floor.

"you guys gotta go, fuck, the police were called" Jin ran out and spoke loudly, cueing the group of people to run out the door.

"we need to go" Taehyung spoke flatly, gently grasping your arms as he directed you out the door.

He led you to the car and put you into the back seat before getting into the drivers side. He didnt drive right away, instead he looked down at his bruised fist.

"why...why didnt you say anything to me"

You had curled up into the fetal position, tears falling down your cheeks as you tried to look out the window.

"all this time....all this time he was doing this and you never-" he stopped, leaning his head against the headrest and closing his eyes.

"im sorry" you choke out.

He took a deep breath, trying to collect himself so he could speak, let alone drive.

"we will have to talk, about all of this"

"what if you get in trouble?" you whisper

"I didnt do anything wrong, he fucking hit you. He hit a woman, they all saw it" he spoke louder, voice shaky.

you sniffled, the pain in your face and head suddenly becoming really obvious, making you wince.

"are you okay? shit, lets uh, lets get you to a hospital or something" he started his car

"no...I just need Ice"

"what if you have a concussion?"

you groan, "I dont, taehyung, he hit my cheekbone and jaw" you trace your hand over your face, hissing at the sharp sting.

"Im still gonna take you to a walk in clinic, im not risking it. we will go home and sleep right after, I dont want to hear you argue about anything tonight. Tomorrow morning we need to sit and talk." he sternly spoke, making his way down the street.

You didnt have the energy to fight, you were mad, but you didnt have the energy.

You were upset with Taehyung for making the situation worse, but you were even more mad with Kaito. you felt betrayed, he humiliated you in front of everyone you know. He put his hands on you, after saying he would never do it again, over what? nothing.

-

"there is no signs of concussion, but there will be signifigant bruising and damaged nerves." the doctor read over her chart as you sat in a hospital bed, taehyung by your side. it was late, you missed your bed, you missed Yeontan. You didnt think you would be here, especially for this reason.

"thats..good, better than having something serious" he exhaled

"do you wish to file a report against the person who did this to you?"

Tae opened up his mouth to speak, but you cut in

"no, its already being taken care of, thank you though"

She nodded sadly and walked off, giving you too permission to go home.

you felt over your cheek, now covered with bandages.

"Im so sorry" he whispered, looking at you.

"tae.."

"no, im sorry. im so fucking sorry. I know I shouldnt have done that, but I.....I saw him hit you. I saw him hit you, y/n."

"i know" you mumbled, looking down.

"when I saw it happening, I just couldnt control myself. It was wrong of me, I take blame, but jesus y/n...."

"I know..." you repeated, voice cracking slightly. "tae please I just wanna go home, okay? I dont wanna relive it right now"

He nodded softly, standing to get to your side. "yeah, lets go home." he held your ice pack for you, leading you back to the car.

The sounds of the city surrounding you infiltrated your ears. You really couldve been anywhere in the world tonight, but here you were, in this position.

You knew you shouldnt have gone to the party, you regret it with your whole being, because not only did you suffer, but you dragged Taehyung into it too.

You had yourself to blame. you wanted to cry and scream but all you could do is lay in bed that night once you got home as taehyung gently rubbed your back, reassuring you that it would be okay.

Yeah, about that thing you said earlier, about assuming your twenties would be fantastic and amazing......11 year old you needed a reality check.

taglist:

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[heroictoonz]

not going to comment on the ramcoa stuff? yeah thought not.

Crazy how I have a life and a job and didn't give a shit to respond to u when I'm busy n only scrolly tumblr idly but since u clearly got a thing for me ill bite cause you also need my opinions reexplained to you like a child

Also I googled ramcoa cause I didn’t know what that word means (i also didnt know what endo meant till like earlier this fuckin year cause everyone was being very loud and annoying about it) and all I got was "RAMCOA is an acronym for Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, and Organized Abuse." which like. what the FUCK are you even talking about mind control? fucking ORGANIZED ABUSE this is like classic cult aligned shit how does this even relevant to endos and that stuff. please tell me this is a word or acronym for something else that google isnt telling me cause just genuinely huh

listen i took a look at the link u sent i dont wanna post that cause i dont want ppl harassing others on the internet like you seem to want but just for the love of fuck listen to me for two seconds like honest to god read my words and let them sink in

the post you sent me i have literally no context for to me it looks like a shit post. ive made jokes like that before and i need to reiterate that they are JOKES and i am NOT ENDO and i say shit for goofs cause to me and my friends its funny. whether it is or is not a joke is, honestly, not my business. I dont know that person personally i dont know their life i dont know their story so i dont set it as my mission to find people i dont agree with and flip my shit at them. again. life. job. no interest. im 24 and literally not my job to babysit other ppl on the internet i block who i dont like follow who i do and live on w my life (which. highly recommended for all. you too Chuck. makes life so much more livable)

in regards to ur stuff about misinformation the way I see it is people will spread bullshit about just about every topic under the sun. it is, once again, not my job to go around "um actually" everything on the internet. if someone asks me a question i answer if someone im directly talking to has wrong information i try to correct them

When it comes to a lot of people, however, not many of them want to change their minds on things. sometimes some people arent even at a point of their life to be open minded and listen. which, im not gonna stress myself out to correct someone else. Even i had a point in my life where i was so hardheaded and full of hate (it was a weird cringe culture group i was in and didnt think for myself and honestly i caused a lot of damage in that time of my life and even now I regret it. But man thats life. And like if i try to correct and if they dont listen i go okay and dip after a point (which, for you. is prob gonna be here. cause im gonna say all my thoughts here and be done with this conversation honestly also work is suuuuuper busy rn like fr wish me luck w this summer season sobs) theres a part of me that hopes you will either see reason with this reply and chill out or you will continue to disagree with me but at least for both of our sanity stop messaging me either way i wont be replying again to you just so you are aware

now im just gonna be so fucking blunt here. do i believe endo is a thing? (ie: people can be systems without trauma) honestly? i dont know! here is how i see it; im not a medical professional. I have an interest in psychology i have a copy of the dsm5 cause im a nerd (its with my law books. again. im a nerd.) but im no scientist. at the same time; i dont really trust medical professionals all that much? i would like to. really i would. but it always feels like so many of them dont take the time to actually try with diagnosis. too many people of color or fat people and shit like that always say that they are constantly misdiagnosed or ignored due to predigests. again, because i was born a girl i was never diagnosed properly when i was a kid. this happened twice actually! and even then ive had to deal with doctors and therapists who dont believe me even WITH a formal diagnosis to my name. ive had a therapist tell me that i DIDNT have bpd because i was, in her words, "too nice" and she refused to start me on cbd insisting the doctor was wrong. its scary as fuck honestly. plus, like i said in the last post, mental health is so under researched. which is also so scary to me. theres so much that doctors dont know. that WE dont know. theres so much that doctors get wrong. sometimes cause theyre only human and sometimes cause they willfully ignore patients.

so, the way i see it, is that maybe you can have a system without trauma or maybe you cant. i dont know personally and where i stand i dont know how much credit i would put to research done on a mental disability that is still to this day so disgustingly stigmatized and viewed as dangerous or scary. ive seen split. i know david haller (i like david haller but also every time i think about the live action show or how they really treat him as a character i sob in my little heart every fuckin day man fr) so to me i chalk it up to 'fuck if i know' and move on.

The other thing is that since i personally am not an endo in my head i also have no evidence to form a hard opinion on this at all. Again, my system DID come from trauma. In fact, for most of the system mates i can pinpoint exactly which traumas and/or parts of my life they came from (some i dont but i am also pretty sure im missing a very large chunk of my middle school memories so who the fuck knows) but honestly. if you have a hard opinion on the yes or no here thats fine youre intitled to your own opinion ig

but you shouldnt harass people on the internet or accuse them of being fake. this is what my problem is with anti-endos.

This has also been my like, whole side of this conversation. Which is why im really begging you to listen and read my words cause i very much think you are reading me wrong here. I literally couldnt give less of a shit about your personal opinion on this kinda stuff. Like i dont know you were not friends you’re a random anon on the internet. You disagreeing with me does not phase me one bit. I clearly have stuff to say but thats just cause i talk a lot and like to share my thoughts more than anything else. Honestly. You can send me a like one sentence question and ill accidentally reply with an essay. Have you SEEN the rants ive been on lmaooo

What does frustrate me, is that you feel the need to harass people and accuse people of faking stuff for attention with NO fucking thought. When you sent your first anon i can only assume its cause i reblogged my friend Wendy’s post about endos and syscourse (i hate syscourse so much but MAN that is a good fucking play on words it almost makes me mad lol) you asked if i had did/osdd and i said yes and you IMMEDIATELY went into my asks and accused me of being 1) an endo and 2) faking for attention despite that neither of those can be inferred by my answer especially when i 1) never once said I WAS endo personally (because. Again. Not) and 2) i specifically explained in my first response (thinking u were just a good natured random) that while, yes, i am a system, i dont talk about it very openly or much at all only vaguely mentioning it here n there on my personal blog when i feel the need or want on a specific topic (like when i made a joke post about being a system and watching RvB and the Meta who is this character that has a buncha AI crammed in his head). If anything, it makes you more fuckin wrong cause me NOT mentioning being a system almost ever shows more to the light that im NOT focusing on wanting attention or shit like that if anything i think i make more jokes about being autistic and trans. Are you gonna accuse me of being fake trans and fake autistic just for attention? Because i talk about it more? No, cause that would make like zero sense. (Unless u want to ig tho honestly i think being called a fake trans would be so funny as anon hate like genuinely that would make me snort i think. Guy who uses he/him and openly talks about having periods and shit like that accused as fake trans rguireghrhuigr)

To me, at least, you have already proven that your ideology is flawed. Your method of pointing out ‘fakes’ and ‘attention seekers’ is just really nonsensical. Either that or you do honestly have the reading comprehension of a five year old. The oooonly reason i could maaaaaybe see you thinking im ‘attention seeking’ is when I vaguely mentioned in the tags of that first post that I had a system specific blog however i also 1) do not advertise it nor did i put the name of it on that post OR ask you to follow it and 2) admitted that its barely ever used. Again, still making no sense to your accusation

And like, honestly, at the end of the day, accusing people you dont know on the internet just by random posts they post or terminology they identify with for being fake is just so, in your own words, gross. You dont know these people’s lives. You dont know what they’ve been through. Again, completely ignoring whether you can or cannot have system without trauma my original long response talked about how the person identifying as endo might actually have trauma and not know/recognize it as such and by harassing them you are only making everything worse for them. You LITERALLY do not know these people. You dont know me and you made that very clear when you were so crushingly wrong about me by literally just the second anon you sent.

As someone who deals with the anxiety and fear that i am secretly a fake and dont know it, not just about being a system but like. A SHIT ton of stuff in my life, it does not help when random fucking people come accusing me of that exact fear. Going back to that therapist who tried to tell me she didnt think i had bpd it took me SO FUCKING LONG to accept i did in fact have bpd after that. And it was fucking painful to deal with mentally. When every sign in the motherfucking book pointed to YES i have this thing but all it took was ONE woman with a degree to tell me i was ‘too nice’ and suddenly my world fell apart. I no longer felt like i had a name to the feelings and thoughts i was suffering from. Dude that shit SUCKS it is SO painful and stressful. Like literally, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not inflict that on others. You might think youre bringing justice in some weird way but theres a higher chance that you are hurting people just as much as you seem to think endos cause hurt.

Now, because i know you SO DESPERATELY wanna know my opinion on the post you sent in the unanswered ask, honestly? I dont know how much i agree with that persons post. Like. Playing in the field of maybe that was an honest to god opinion and not just like a joke they were making, really not sure how i feel about it. In my opinion, i wouldn’t be running around trying to get my brain to spawn in more little fuckers to deal with. But i also have a lot of mixed feelings about being a system and my headmates. For one i dont get along with all of them, and not all of them get along with each other. Shits really annoying and in some extreme cases stressful as fuck. Every time something new pops into existence, I’ll be real, im kinda scared. I dont know how things will once again change or shift. And my head is just a single head. Its one brain that now has to deal with so much going on i get a lot of headaches and dissociate sometimes even in the middle of doing things or talking to people cause shit will just randomly become chaos (tho im sure other mental things attribute to all that too here n there idk) but I wouldn’t say i hate being a system. I also dont think id ever wanna do that like fuse therapy shit and get rid of the others. Both out of a fear of losing myself and a fear of losing some of them. That shit sounds kinda scary to me. And where, yeah theres some that i dont get along with, there are others that i do get along with! And love a lot! I jokingly call some of them my siblings cause a lot of them have been around since i was a little kid (tho ill admit for a while I thought i just had a REALLY strong imagination and that for some reason my imaginary friends kept talking to me even as an adult till i finally realized hm. Maybe this is not the case. Lol) so like ya you’ll never see me honest to god saying ‘man i wish i had MORE random bastards in my head’ but like, thats just me

I’ve met so many systems and a lot of them are different. I’ve met some that WANT to fuse (i dont think thats the word they use for that therapy but i just got home from a stressful 8 hours on The Grind so I can’t think words all too well lol) ive met people that LOVE being a system people who hate it people who are pretty indifferent to it. I’ve met systems who are have a different person fronting every day ive met systems where you almost never see or hear from the others and its just primarily the host that takes charge. So many different people feel differently about the same things. That’s just life. But I am not gonna use ONE post randomly shown to me to 1) make an assumption on someone (especially something as harmful as faking) or 2) as a valid reason to harass them. Especially not when the person showing the post to me has only acted hostile towards me. Like honestly. Genuine tip here, being rude and mean to people is not how you try to change their minds or try to educate them on something. Walking into my house and telling me im the fake hedgehog just cause of one post and one answered ask and then trying to tell me im wrong is like so not the way my guy fr

I’m pretty sure ive said my entire peace on the matter here. So yeah, again if you send me any more anons i wont be answering them. I’m saying this just to try and save you some time and also some peace of mind. Honestly, please block me. Please forget my existence and go live your life. Its honestly worrying how you have now spent like two days in my anons about this shit, like i am not even joking like the joke is over please please please finish reading this, block me, and go watch one of your favorite comfort movies and smile i mean this so seriously

[emblazons]

hi!

i read the tags you wrote about millie in a post yesterday (i think you deleted the post because i cant find it now) and i just wanted to say im glad theres someone who shares similar thoughts as me. i love millie but i cant even say anything on twitter without her toxic stans accusing me of misogyny and insulting her intelligence, even though thats not my intention.

if byler is canon, how do you think she’ll feel about it? im asking because your perspective is interesting! i think shes going to take it a bit personally because she strongly relates to her character and wants el to be on the same path as her (like getting married young). its understandable though, considering her upbringing.

!! I actually took it off my blog because the other day I resolved the issue of my tags not archiving—but when it got resolved, my blog ended up square in the middle as “top blogs” with the full mlvn name tag because I hadn’t been abbreviating their ship in the tag I used before ☠️ that said, I changed the tag to “anti mlvn” so I could keep myself out of mlvn corners, but a lot of the recent posts that I kept under the old tag are gone or private until tumblr tracks the change—hence the missing post!

Still...me and that tag rant was giving “why would you say something so controversial, yet so brave” for sure (lmao), though I certainly meant it less as a comment on her life decisions themselves and more a "I can tell by the decisions you make as a creator, producer of other films, and in general that you are not The Duffer Brother's target audience, but a lot of your fans can't" kind of way...which is still controversial in several corners of this fandom for sure. 😭

the rest of this answer under the cut because it got long lol

Like, yes, she does play a principal character in the show, but playing a character does not mean the character is modeled to you as a person—just look at Emilia Clarke playing Daenerys Targaryen, Anthony Hopkins playing Hannibal Lecter, or even Rachel McAdams playing Regina George lmao.

Despite playing El since she was a child, as Millie has come into adulthood it's become clearer that she is very different from El—and that The Duffers aren't creating Eleven's arc with Millie's own "coming of age" in mind. Her choices to create things like Enola Holmes, Damsel, and even Nineteen Steps (her new book) showing up as sharp contrasts to not only the women in Stranger Things, but in all of The Duffer's upcoming work on Death Note, The Talisman and The Boroughs prove that well enough, which would be zero problem at all...if a lot of her fans didn't conflate Millie with El is as a character.

To your point though...I honestly don't think Millie is going to be all that personally upset if El ends up single and Byler happens—she's already made clear that she loves El, but is ready to move on and tell other stories and that she would have written the story as a high school drama if she was in control of the direction of the plot (while pointing out that she's not the one in control of it) lol.

Even what she said recently in an widely published and official Seventeen interview shows that she's really just here to finish the story and move on with her career—that she's ready for her role as El (and the drama I'm 10000% sure comes with that) to be done:

At least to me, all of that makes it seem like she is a level-headed young woman who can handle her character not being aligned with how she would live her own life—and will, when the time comes.

That said: imo the real problem is that fans of MBB are confusing Millie's own "I can be young, strong and still have a man" creative and life choices with El's "I am overcoming the bounds men have put on me to become strong by myself" storyline, which only becomes an issue when Millie jokes about things like mlvn getting married—

—and (by nature of being an influential celebrity) ends up with fans who mistake Millie's headcanons (because...honestly that's what they are) based on what she enjoys in fiction as what The Duffers are writing & planning for the ending of Stranger Things.

Basically: as an actress, it's literally MBB's job to bring life to stories that don't necessarily reflect her own values or desires, and she knows it—but because she's been playing the character on people's screens so long (and from a young age) a lot of fans have issues separating the woman from the fiction and recognizing that (as Adam Driver once said) it's not Millie's job to have a feeling about or even agree with who El is as a person—it's her job to bring El & The Duffer's vision to life, even if her life informs how she plays the role.

None of that is particularly Millie's fault (though she, like Noah sometimes, adds fuel to fandom fire with the jokes she makes lmao), though it does get irritating to navigate when you're constantly subjected to arguments rooted in nothing but headcanons when trying to make sense of The Duffer's work itself lmao.

TL;DR - Mills joking about El and Mike getting married feels the same as someone here putting their headcanon out into the world about married & domestic Byler—only, because she's the face of Eleven + has now gotten engaged young herself, people misinterpret her own "cute headcanons" as canonical fact, leaving people who love the actual canon + who enjoy the 'style of womanhood' the Duffers write to arguing with people who misunderstand the actual characters.

Millie is a woman whose had a complicated relationship with celebrity and fame since she was a very young girl, and she has certainly made different decisions than I have (and likes different fiction than I do)—but that has nothing to do with her intelligence or ability to respond gracefully to the character she's played since 12 turning out differently than she would have imagined it if she had written El herself. If and when Byler happens, I'm sure she will meet the reality of it with respect and consideration, even if her fans (and hardcore fans of mlvn) don't lmao.

Hopefully that explains it (and doesn't get me shot for saying lmao). But thanks for the ask!

[spector]

I saw you finished bg3, I'm too much of a baby to go past the second act : ( I've finished it but I've heard the third act isn't as good as the first two, can you share your thoughts? Spoiler free ideally, just... Did you like the third act? How did it compare to the first two? Just wondering as a person who has a chronic inability to finish things because of the risk of a disappointing ending 😭

OUGH I FEEL YOU, i put off finishing act 3 forever, i just kept doing sidequests and exploring , but first of all

act 3 is very badly optimized. even if you have the best PC ever or if ur playing on console, combat in act 3 will take a loooooooooong time bc the city is soo badly optimized. its not about frame drops or anything like that, its just that enemies most of the time will take forever to calculate their first move. someone told me its bc they're targeting unseen enemies or even targeting all of the superfluous items in the city which makes getting thru combat a CHORE. i dont know when they will fix it, i know they keep patching the game as they go but when i played it , it was a misery.

not to mention in act 3 theres just. so much fucking shit to do. good lord. in act 1 and act 2 i was sooo happy to explore and do everything but in act 3 it was just tiring. taking frequent breaks from the game might be beneficial as it was for me

in terms of quests/encounters in act 3 - a bit of hit and miss. in act 1 i think i enjoyed every single quest (but that could've been from the game being brand new in my mind still). in act 3, there are some fun ones (dribbles the clown im looking at you... or the quest where you have to intercept a newspaper article about you from hitting the press) but there are also some that r like ... ok..idc...

THAT SAID, i dont regret finishing it, at first i had a lot of issues with the companions bc none of them stood out to me but they're very malleable if u give them time - that is to say, they can have ambitions that align with your own personal story and that makes it fun, its like ur a team going towards a similar goal. i think that's why i was so motivated to finish, i had a concept for my player character from the start (paladin that breaks their oath bc of the circumstances and then fully embraces the no gods, no masters life by seizing total control) and i had to see it UNFOLD on da screen... and tbh i was very happy with the result, it felt like watching a movie of story plucked from my head

in terms of final fight - EH. it was very easy to me but i was on balanced difficulty so it had the right to be easy.

OH ALSO THE ENTIRE RAPHAEL QUEST WHERE U BREAK INTO HIS HOUSE IS SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOD THAT ENTIRE AREA IS SOOOO GOOOOOOOODODODODODODODOOOOODDDD ! ! !! i think i would recommend act 3 if only to play that part

as for the other 2 baddies (orin and gortash) - they didn't bang for me but there was some depth to both of them that maybe i would've gotten to enjoy if i didn't decide to kill em hehe

anyways, im rambling - the point is, the ending is really what you make it so if you picked choices that were fun to you, the ending should be fun as well. in terms of combat/boss fight mechanics etc, i found it too easy to enjoy. raphael boss fight, now that was a fun encounter. OVERALL, i think i recommend act 3 but maybe wait until its optimized? also get ready for a massive amount of content but just know you can skip things!!

[red-elric]

back at it again w classpect deepdives!!! i only did one of these before forgetting about it completely but i have some THOUGHTS ABOUT VOID LETS GO WOO!!!

so for starters: i used to never really subscribe to void and light being an inverse pair, key word USED TO. idr why exactly; part of it was i hadnt fully thought out what the other pairs would have to be, part of it was wanting doom to be lights inverse through similar logic that ppl apply to seers and mages being inverses. which, ironically, is also smth i dont consider to be true anymore BUT I DIGRESS. i now think of void and light as true inverses for a couple reasons. most obviously being the light vs dark thing that gets played up in the comic proper, esp w the lalondes. but theres entire dimensions of the two aspects that also have to fit, right? right.

lets look at light for a second. (i promise this is a void post.) the light players we have, rose vriska and aranea, all have classes that take light in its more..... nonliteral sense. its not about LITERAL LIGHT like an heir or a knight or a maid would use, its about LUCK and FATE and...... whatever the fuck is going on w araneas abilities. not really sure how her shit works but i think a large part of it is just..... aranea was able to justify how her power would work, so it does. and i think thats a big part of light as an aspect too; the NARRATIVE. all three light players are biiiig big players who assign importance to the roles they play and make sure everything they do is significant. and its about IMPROBABILITY too; its about the unlikely outcomes that are very lucky for the player that fit the narratives flow and, as such, become the only fated outcome for the hero. for light players, everything is a PERFORMANCE.

so, conversely, we look at void! roxy, equius, horuss..... lets ignore horuss tho bc we just dont know enough about him. (tho isnt that smth in itself, a void player fading into obscurity.... whatever.) theres defo some metaphorical interpretations of void going on in hs proper, but we cant ignore the more literal stuff either!! or.... i guess we can; void comes up a lot as a way to HIDE THINGS. equius's blood is used to block out text in rose's journal, hiding information from seers, both literal and those who do it more as a hobby (callie). roxy causes the cherub's viewports to blackout, and she is able to help callie's ghost hide in the void. equius and darkleer both are able to create dark spots in doc scratch's omniscience, notably hiding the cue ball from him (specifically FOR some light aligned folks!). following along w literal interpretations, theres two more things that jump out at me: one, the repeated references to void as 'nothingness' and two, the fact that the void symbol clearly references the space symbol, as the spaces in between space's spiral. space is pretty generally agreed on as the aspect of stuff, like all matter and distance and concepts in the three traditional dimensions and whatnot; by contrast, void would have to refer to the SPACE IN BETWEEN. kind of confusing terminology but like, on a universal scale, if 'space' refers to planets and stars and people and asteroids and whatnot, 'void' would be like..... the vacuum. the vast majority of the universe where all that 'space' stuff ISNT. coming back to the first point, the NOTHINGNESS. space has strong ties to life, too, or like.... natural evolution? reproduction? the whole frog thing. and in any universe, sustained life is extremely rare, improbable, lucky....... and here we are coming back to light again! now were getting somewhere! which leaves void as a reference to the PROBABLE, and the MUNDANE, because if you pick a random point in the universe to look at theres a 99% chance youre coming up with NOTHING. void :3

bringing this back to more abstract stuff! tho tbh thats kinda hard bc i think void is just..... generally more predisposed to the literal than light is, which would make sense; light wants to tell a good story, void just shows things as they are. but when you have a class like a rogue, that steals the void from shit, you start to turn things on their head a bit. stealing the void moves the balance a bit more towards light, in a way, so you have roxy able to do kind of what aranea and vriska do, in that they come up w a narrative of what they SHOULD be able to do and through that have the ability to do it. notably, roxy didnt come up w the idea herself, and was told she could do it; her natural voidy things were much more literal interpretations of the aspect. but i digress. a rogue of void can steal the nothingness from an idea and make it a real object. if we think of that in more light friendly terms, we have the rogue considering a concept...... an object that is VERY PROBABLY not real, or not here in the present moment or universe or whatever. the odds are astronomically low that roxy would have a matriorb in the alpha timeline, right? it doesnt make sense, that would be fantastical and improbable and would be something out of a narrative; thats a light thing. and thats exactly why roxy can make it happen; she takes that concept of her just HAVING the matriorb, and she removes the improbability from it, the mundane details of how it could possibly exist, and in turn, very luckily is able to create a real matriorb to give to kanaya. and the luck here is critical! kanaya comments many times on how impossible it seems to ensure the return of her race. and the rogue of void thing DOESNT work when condy demands it of her, as if its a given that roxy can do it; instead, it only works when shes under no pressure, but trying to be heroic for someone else, with callie aka the MUSE OF SPACE, a super powerful class that inspires others wrt space stuff, including life in a universal sense..... yeah, w that many narrative signals theres no way light wasnt going to show up w void being rogued away.

anyway. what does this all mean? not too much, just.... some things to consider when classpecting a void player :3 a void player blends into the background, doesnt feel like a hero or a main character, and has little to no association w fate or luck (even bad luck! bad luck is a doom thing, its also improbable. void is more neutral luck, the v probable concept of just being normal). they likely seem like a fairly cookie cutter member of whatever society theyre in (yes, even equius. most of the trolls were not standard trolls; he was the one to give us insight on actual troll culture and norms). theyre down to earth, in a sense, and may feel as though they cant let their true feelings show for the sake of more 'narratively important' characters. little to no association with life or nature, probably more scientifically inclined (tech, not bio). stuff like that

[aemiron-main]

I have a few questions actually Mr...Aemiron? sure, anyway- my first question is 1: what specific powers do you think will is going to have?

2: will we see new monsters? if so, what will they be?

3: are the kids gonna still go to school?

4: what characters are you absolutely CERTAIN will die?

5: also this isn't a question but how COOL would it be to see Mike with a SWORD?!??! I MEAN IT WOULD BE SO COOL TO SEE MIKE ACTUALLY DO SHIT FOR ONCE.

6: and my last question, how do you think El is going to die?

AAAAA HELLO LMAO!!! <3 MR AEMIRON IS SO FUNNY BUT IN A SWEET WAY LIKE ITS WONDERFUL but please feel free to just call me Em or call me whatever you want LMAO like im happy to be called anything i just dont want you to feel like you Have to be formal ANYWAY IM RAMBLING LETS GET INTO YOUR QUESTIONS! 1.) OHOHOH THIS IS A QUESTION IM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT. Personally I think a lot of will's powers are going to be tied to the fact that so far he's the only person we've seen whose physical body can do the same thing in the real world and in the upside-down at the same time, and so technically that may also fall into time travel because if the upside down is really stuck in time and doesn't just look like it's stuck in time, then therefore, Will has been able to exist in two times at one during his upside down episodes in s2. I also think he might have healing powers, with him being referred to as a cleric regarding dnd (but also a wizard sometimes so hmm but i think its more that will the wise is a wizard whereas mike sees will himself as a cleric- and mike as a paladin- and so that would align w will having cleric-like powers). 2.) Absolutely. I feel strongly that we will totally see new monsters, and that one of them is going to be some sort of weird dragon creature, like what Nancy mentioned about a huge creature with a gaping mouth. 3.) THIS IS A GOOD QUESTION: I think it could go either way but seeing how the school gym's been converted into a relief centre for the time being, and how the storm was approaching the characters at the end of s4 and how the duffers talked about jumping right into the action in s5, I don't think they'll be in school because I feel like a.) theres too much happening and b.) story-wise, the duffers have already set it up in a way where them not going to school isn't a plothole/their absence wont really be questioned because even though the whole town doesn't know about the supernatural side of things, they DO know about the earthquake destruction. 4.) HMMMM I can't say I'm absolutely certain of anyone's death except for Vecna's (and even then i wasn't really certain of his until they had Will emphasize that they have to kill him and then thought more about the ways in which Henry's tied into Will's narrative and why he's gotta die/Will deserves to kill him), but I'm starting to wonder about a steve death considering that fire and rain, a literal song about death and mourning and suicide (which could tie into steve sacrificing himself and getting himself killed), played during steve's six little nuggets speech. I'm also definitely starting to lean towards the idea that Mike is going to die briefly and then come back to life because a.) s5 is seeming like it's going to tie back to s1 in a lot of ways/parallel it, which means that since will was the one who seemed to be dead in s1 and mike was searching for him, the roles will likely be reversed in s5 and b.) mike has too many death flags waving about his head for him not to die in some way but I can't see them killing him permanently. 5.) IT WOULD BE SO COOL IT WOULD BE AMAZING I WANT MIKE TO GET BACK TO DOING THINGS BC USUALLY HE DOES DO THINGS LIKE HES SMART HE FIGURED OUT THE UPSIDE DOWN AND THE HIVEMIND BUT SEASON 4 WAS MOSTLY GAY PINING TM FOR HIM SO HOPEFULLY IN S5 HE GETS TO GAY PINE WITH A SWORD!! 6.) I don't think that El will die in s5, I think that in a metaphorical way, the identity of "Eleven"/that superhero persona that's been forced onto her is going to die by the end of it once everything is saved and she has her independence and freedom! In regards to El's eventual death because she is a human being after all, though, I like to think that she'd be somewhere after living a long life, surrounded by people who love her in a place that makes her happy!

[prettyputrified]

skirt pattern by https://www.deviantart.com/silver2012/art/Seamless-Pattern-110x250-458057125 ------------------------------------

Bambi Hortense Williams, daughter of Ash Williams and Annie Wilkes

Nicknames: Bi (like Bee), Piglet (by her mother), Little Chicky (by her father), Bam Bam (by Millicent) 

Orientation: Lesbian 

Personality:

A soft-spoken ghost of a girl, most people don’t notice Bambi is there until she starts to speak. She’s very willowy and tends to do things at a slow and steady pace, but she somehow always manages to get her chores done! She’s easy to please and entertain, and is very patient. Bi can often be found on day trips to town with her mother, making small talk and engaging with whatever long winded story she’s telling her that day. She’s even been known to help out the older people in town with any chores or errands they might need if they’ll let her. She’s happy to be helpful and to please, for better or for worse. The other people in the town were on the fence at first, Annie is a “sweetheart” but somethings always seemed off about her, what if theres something off about Bambi too? 

Well, there isn’t, but she is hiding something. 

She’s usually very thoughtful but at times a bit of her dad comes out in her. He has to go for months at a time sometimes for his “business”, but when he comes home he wants to spend as much time with his daughter as possible. This often has resulted in activities Annie would very much not approve of and giving Bambi a bit of a thrill seeking streak. Every year on her birthday her father takes her mother and her to an amusement park so she can try out the newest coasters and rides that fling you upside down. So, under her weird and floaty exterior there’s a girl who just wants to live her life and have fun like anyone else. 

A relationship of her own is something she’s longed for ever since she was little. One of the few things her parents still find common ground over are the precious memories of her dressing up Misery as her Prince Charming and smooching her like a frog! Her parents try not to let her hear them fighting but the cabin is only so big and both of them are formidable forces. Naively, this is really the closest thing to a relationship she’s gotten intimate knowledge of, it hasn’t even dawned on her yet that her parents haven’t actually been a couple for a long time. 

Relationships: 

“Mama”: Annie is who Bambi has spent most of her life with and it’s clearly had an effect on her. She’s never been a disobedient or ungrateful child, more eager than a lot of children her age would be to do the more unsavory tasks of animal rearing like cleaning. Bambi took the doting of her mother and the fake neighborly attitude she put on completely at face value. Her mother does care for her and oftentimes Bi is utterly oblivious to Annies whinging when Bambis compassion proves to be completely universal. For the most part her mother is very understanding of the fact she’s just a bit of a slowpoke since she always gets what she needs to do done. However, Annie is still Annie and the days where her daughter has to walk on eggshells are just as common, it’s even harder to predict sometimes what words will be classified as uncouth that day. When the stars align perfectly though she and her mother actually have a lot in common and when push comes to shove Bambi adores her idyllic mountain town home.

“Daddy”: Bambi is the apple of his eye and if things were right in the world he’d pick her up one visit and take her with him. Unfortunately, he’s had to settle for seeing her grow like a weed once or twice a month. She doesn’t resent him at all, she admires him as a source of strength. Annie couldn’t keep her from hearing the story forever after all. He tries to make up for things with gifts (to the best of his ability) and family outings, the whole family, for Bambis sake. She gets her thrill-seeking streak from her father but he knows she doesn’t quite grasp his complex with his encounters. He hopes she never will, relishing in her joy at genuinely winning tough games on her own and impressing stoned carnies. She is his reminder that, somehow, there’s still pure softness in the world. 

Millicent: The day Millys family came through town everything just felt right. She was drawn in firstly by the most deeply captivating eyes she had ever seen. Every delicate movement and mysterious “mmhm” was like a siren call that made Bambi long to get to know her more. The most important thing was that she was very kind and didn’t seem to react to Bambis social awkwardness badly at all. The more time they spent together the more they found in common. She loved books too!!! It doesn’t seem like a big deal but when your whole world is between pages it can be difficult to find a kindred story. Millicent reads books Bambi isn’t usually allowed, like romance novels (hypocrite much Annie?) It was Bambis idea for them to write letters to eachother, Milly providing the address of wherever her family had run off to that week. She couldn’t be more grateful for the big wide world her new “friend” shows her. 

[hearthandheathenry]

everyone supposedly has an fs and soulmate yada yada yada but if we havent met ours and if we dont care to really date anyone would it matter if we passed away early, like would our fs or soulmate feel it? do we have to have our lives put together in order to form the connection with our fs?

so many ppl including relatives and cousins either have their lives put together or theyre certainly doing something right and they have all either got their partners or careers and im just like how is that not happening for me then i question if i even want that and then i think well it doesnt matter cause i will die eventually so whats the point?

honestly im not fussed abt existing these days, like im not anyone special i dont have a need to achieve things anymore, used too but then i said fuck it and gave up on trying to exist and succeed. its always something like im either at the wrong place or wrong timing or some other situation in the past that held me back from going for something, or i just lacked what i needed to succeed or im too old not young enough not pretty not rich enough its always that im seemingly not something enough and if life is always abt trying to be a people pleaser instead of pleasing ourselves then im done lol. i will gladly yeet myself out of society and into heaven if i have too as thats probably the only point where id be truly happy as i wouldnt have to do anything ever again and i would never have to feel regret or shame for not having my life put together at this age.

sorry for ranting but im just so over being a person, it has severly sucked. wouldnt recommend instead be a rock in ur next life if there even is a next life, if theres a next life then i would also be done with that full stop too. and the thing about soulmates or even trying to get a partner is its yet another thing that you have to be almost attached to them 24/7 like friends where people can and will dissapoint you over and over and a lot of people will pretend to like you then only want something from you for their benefit so again whats the point when wanting a partner or even a social group? but if we donr have that we are never going to be on anyones radar anyway? might as well not bother with any of it tbqfh.

again sorry for ranting but either i want to not feel like i lack so much even in skills or talents and most times i just want to be a nobody oh wait thats what i already am haha.

Woah! First and foremost, I want to tell you that life is worth living and your life matters. Truly. For no other grand reason but that you are YOU and your purpose is being here, or you wouldn't exist. The universe has a reason for you to be here, or multiple reasons, and you matter, even if you struggle to find that reason(s). And please, let me know if you need help finding resources for mental health.

Second, I think a lot of people feel all these things, and I definitely have felt this way in the past. Maybe sometime I'll write my life story and how things have changed over the years or something, idk. BUT, you are not alone, and there is help out there and ways to make your life better, no matter your situation. Your life could be complete crap and you would still be able to turn it around. I am a firm believer in this.

The caveat, though? Its your choice, and your hard work that makes your life what you make it. We are all given different circumstances but just because we are born in some mud doesn't mean we have to wallow in it. The happiest and most fulfilled people have made the active choice to pull themselves out of their depression and habits and have changed themselves and their lives through emotional and physical labor. Life is not easy. It never claimed to be. THAT SAID, though, life is easier the more aligned you get with the universe and everything around you, and is truly breathtaking, and that comes with healing and changing. You learn psychology (how to take control of your mind), the ways of the world (how to build a support system and community), the metaphysical ways of the world and things we can't explain (some people call this spirituality or religion), and a past time that you genuinely enjoy (some people call this a purpose or sometimes its just a way to make money/survive), and you end up creating a life for yourself that you enjoy. That is the secret to living a happy life. Not higher education, not certain jobs, but honing in those skills will unlock the (seemingly) secret of being happy and will help lead to everything falling in place. A support system is usually the first step because figuring ourselves out is hard and we will need support, then we start mastering our minds and thoughts, and then we usually move onto spirituality to help us answer things our logical mind can't explain, and then we usually find our purposes or things that make life worth living. Things that truly make us glad to be alive.

We all reach a breaking point in our lives (anyone heard of the famous midlife crisis?) and are then given a choice of what we want to do. Usually there's truly no way but up, because the other option is to simply give up and not live. And we, intrinsically, really do want to LIVE. Maybe just not the life we were living. So we get help. Professional help. We reach out to our loved ones and figure out who we can actually rely on when we're at our worst. We build our support network while we work on our minds with the professionals. We start our journey of mastering our minds and working in conjunction with our bodies again instead of giving up. We work on our anxiety, depression, mental issues, and stop overworking ourselves and ignoring our body's signals for rest or change. And then we're left with other questions and needs, so we start delving into spirituality and religion. We start looking at the world around us and society in a different light, because obviously the way society trained us isn't working. The system doesn't work. It wasnt made for spiritual beings, it was made for work drones. And humans are not work drones. Some people find solace in certain religions. Some people just adopt different spiritual practices. We all answer our questions in different ways. We're all living in our own realities and through the lens of our own minds that are wired differently. And then our community and support networks grow. And our minds grow. And our abilities grow. And we start to see these little glimmers of hope of why we like being alive. We look at things in a new light. And then maybe we finally see our purpose, the one outside of just being (which is our main purpose), and, big hint, it usually has something to do with helping others for a lot of people. It is almost never a specific job or title or actual act of doing something. Its an idea. A construct. Maybe we were made to help teach others. Maybe we were made to bring joy to others. Maybe we were made to create with others. Maybe its all these and more. It usually has something to do with connecting with others, which is where we all find the most happiness. Being seen and heard. Helping others be seen and heard. Making a difference, finding meaning. Our hearts and our minds know the plan long before we realize it.

We all have the power to get here. But its a choice. And its a tough one. But its one every single one of us is capable of making. We start by choosing ourselves. By choosing to love ourselves. By radical self love and compassion. And once we choose ourselves, then we can start connecting with others in a more meaningful way, instead of people-pleasing or living for others wants or wishes. We need to be authentically ourselves first. It all starts with you. The real you deep down.

So, I do not have the answers to the questions you ask. The philosophical questions you brought forth is different for everyone, because everyone believes something different. What I say doesn't matter if it does not resonate with your truth and your reality. And no one truly knows these things or has the answers until we have left this world, and the fun part about life is experimenting and trying to figure out the questions while we're here.

What I will say, is finding the answers is easier when you don't skip steps. You seem to have a lot you need to ask yourself before asking others, and finding what matters most to you and figuring out why you have the questions you do and what that means mentally and emotionally. I sense a lot of anxiety and depression and anger and grief and self confidence issues, which will get in the way of a lot of things you are talking about achieving or have questions about if they are not processed and addressed. These are all normal things to deal with, but still things that need to be dealt with.

I could rattle off my own personal opinions about everything you ask, but again, it will not resonate with you if its not for you, and the mental blocks will still be there even after.

Having answers to things does nothing for us if we do not know how to use the information given to us.

Work on yourself and learn how to use information to make changes, and you will start to understand more about the world and things in it, even unseen.

The information I've given above tends to ring true for everyone I've encountered in life thus far, no matter age/gender/race/etc. People just figure it out at different ages and stages in their lives. But even religions tend to agree on these necessary steps taken to reach a higher place in our lives. I hope that it's helpful enough to start you on your journey towards everything you want, and lead you to a life that makes sense for you and one that you find happiness in.

(Adding this post to my pinned list under "How To Find Happiness" for anyone else who may need to hear this information)

[stayxlix]

You deserve so much more recognition for your writing! Off the deep end is such a masterpiece, it’s so new and refreshing to read in the fanfic community. The plot building is insane and the way you’re so descriptive with words makes it easy to imagine the settings. I literally get so immersed into the story whenever I’m reading it, my obsession is eating me alive lol.

Each of the characters are so unique and interesting, I love being able to learn more about them in every chapter, especially with Minho and Jisung! Hyunjin is still a hard one to crack and more closed off compared to the others so it would be really interesting to see how his attitude towards mc will turn out in future chapters, will he remain hostile or be more accepting. The almost relationship between Hyunjin and Felix has me crying because it’s so heartbreaking to read. Sometimes I wonder what goes through Hyunjin’s mind when he sees the evolving relationship between Felix and mc :’(

However, Felix finding that comfort with mc that he never found within Hyunjin has me screaming and him confessing that he’s in love with mc... like FINALLY?! The last few paragraphs of chapter 7 literally gave me goosebumps, I had to put my phone down and take a deep breath before I started tearing up 😭

LOVE the angst so much and how troubled felix is with his own past and emotions because it makes it feel so much more real.  Thank you for continuing to update each chapter despite how busy you are with life. As a reader, I appreciate that a lot! 

hi sweet anon.<3 oh this brought the biggest smile to my face.😭💕i cannot thank you enough for taking the time to share your thoughts, you are incredibly kind. im so grateful for the community of readers like you that ive been lucky enough to connect with. your enthusiasm and curiosity about the characters really touches my heart. referring to the story as something new and refreshing in the fanfic community…wow just wow. this is everything to me, and im going to be thinking about your words for a very long time. its really special to hear that the characters are resonating with you too. theres just so much i want to say about each of their stories/backgrounds, and for them to grow more with mc. i really feel like this story could go on for a very long time.🥹

ah the almost relationship between hyunjin and felix..this has certainly tugged at my heartstrings too. it stems a bit from personal experience i guess, but i really wanted to show that relationships (even between friends) arent always straightforward, you know? lines can blur and despite caring deeply about someone else, things don't always align as neatly as we'd hope in the end. its a bit bittersweet i suppose, but either way, the depth of their connection and the love they have for each other is still undoubtedly present.🥹

omg and the confession at the end of chapter 7—im so happy you were able to feel the intensity of felix's emotions in that moment. i feel like it had been building for quite some time so it was really important for me to do my best to get it right, you know?? i practically held my breath as i wrote those paragraphs too and i definitely had to take a break after it was all over!!😂😭 your reaction was exactly what i hoped to evoke though, and im honored to be part of that emotional experience with you.<3 thank you for allowing it to reach you in this way. im really glad felix's character and his background are resonating with you too, because that really is the heart of the story.🥹

my sweet anon, thank you for jumping into the different layers of the story with such depth. thank you for not only taking the time to read, but for sharing your thoughts with me as well. i really appreciate your understanding of the challenges in updating chapters in the middle of life's chaos...but i can assure you that even if things do get a little crazy from time to time, this story isnt going anywhere.<3 im going to keep updating, and i can't wait to share what lies ahead with you. much love, take care.🤗💕

[beautifulblooms]

Eddie Munson or Steve Harrington goes to readers house for the night AND THE READERS (GN OR MALE) BED IS COMPLETELY COVERED IN PLUSHIES THAT THERES BARLEY ANY ROOM TO SLEEP OR EVEN SIT. You can choose if it’s like actually a fanfic thing or headcannons 😭🫶

Eddie and Steve with a Stuffy Obsessed Partner Headcanons/Drabble

GN! Reader, why not both?????? But yeah this will be half headcanons with a drabble here and there with dialogue, absolutely love this idea because I just rearranged my bed the other day and all of my stuffies are just chilling together on one end, lets get into this adorable little thing

CIS Women and Female Aligned people, please DNI, this story and all of my others are for non-binary, masculine aligned and male readers!

Eddie Munson

Least surprised of the two

And honestly it makes him love you more

Just seeing a whole different side of you from your bed alone

Definitely would love to flop onto the bed without any hesitation just to cuddle into the plushies

“Can I?”

“Can you what?”

“Can I jump into the mountain of plushies, I thought that was obvious”

“Well sure why not?”

Literally jumps into the bed and grabs every plushy he can into his arms and just lays there

Super excited to just be able to sit there with a bunch of plushies in his arms

“Who knew the Freak liked stuffed animals so much, if I had known I would’ve brought you to my place sooner”

It’s honestly kind of adorable

This dude in a leather jacket, long+curly+dark hair, just smothered in plushies

Damn I’m probably gonna draw that now

Anyways back to the topic at hand

He’s honestly disappointed that he can’t sleep with you and all the plushies in the bed

But totally helps put most of them up, he still finds a way to smuggle a few into the bed

Happy happy man

Steve Harrington

He’s the most surprised

Totally just expecting to see a few posters on the walls, a desk, maybe some trinkets here and there

But he is not expecting your bed to be covered corner to corner in stuffed animals

He doesn’t know how to react so he just kind of awkwardly stands there for a few minutes

“Aren’t you gonna come sit down at least?”

“On what?”

“My bed, what else?”

“That is not a bed anymore that is a zoo of stuffed animals”

Despite his jokes he eventually does join you on the bed

However he kinda just keeps sinking into the pile of stuffies

“(Y/n) help, I’m sinking deeper”

“You’re fine Steve, they won’t eat you”

“I’m not so sure about that there are bears, tigers, lions, there’s a lot of things on this bed that would think I’m tasty”

“You use too much hairspray for that honey”

His look of offense is quite hilarious as he’s still sinking into the mountain

While he would love to sleep he doesn’t know what to do with the rest of the plushies

You’re obviously used to sleeping with them on the bed and maybe knocking a few off at night

But Steve? Oh no he don’t know what to do

“So am I sleeping on the floor or are the plushies?”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic, here, help me clear some off, don’t put them on the floor, I have a net in the corner for them”

The fact that there’s a net for spares makes him even slightly more concerned for you

And especially your wallet

That amount of plushies has to be expensive

Once most of them are put up he feels like he can actually relax without sinking

Somehow there are still a decent amount of them on your bed

And when one or two appear from under the pillows Steve is shocked again

“There’s more???”

“There’s always more Steve, always more”