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strniohoeee · 10 months

Text

Broken

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N is depressed, and Matt takes notice to her behavior. Matt being the good friend he is he tries to get her out of her funk, but will it work?🫂

Warnings⚠️: None just mentions of depression. This was a request but Tumblrs being a munch and not letting me add it

Song for the imagine: hope ur ok- Olivia Rodrigo

But, God, I hope that you’re happier today

Cause I love you

And I hope that you’re okay

It’s been getting worse. I hate this feeling, this darkness that consumes me. I wanted nothing more than to feel okay. I hate the way my depression swallowed me whole and made me want to disappear from the face of the earth.

I just wanted to feel okay, I wanted to feel normal and not drained. I know my friends were getting annoyed with me. I would slip into these phases of not wanting to talk to them, see them, go out with them. I mean I could barely get out of my bed to do anything. Often skipping meals and not drinking water. I would just sleep all fucking day and cry when I was awake.

I was fortunate enough to be an influencer, so I didn’t have to worry about actually getting up to work. I posted YouTube drafts and TikTok drafts. It worked for a while, but people started to catch on, and were wondering where I went. I couldn’t even be honest and come out and say I was so depressed I couldn’t even sit up in my bed.

The one person who noticed the fastest was Matt. Randomly one day he started texting me wondering how I was doing, what I was doing, if I wanted to hang out with him and his brothers, if I wanted to join them for dinner, if I wanted to film a video with them. I appreciated it truly, but I also kept lying to him. Telling him that I was busy or I had plans, or I was filming. I could not allow anyone to see me this way. I mean I didn’t even want to see myself this way…..

Matt had put me in a groupchat with Chris and Nick, and honestly it was making me feel better. They kept my mind off of things by constantly making me laugh. I mean they would text from 10AM till 2AM every single day.

The blue eyed freaks🧿🧿

-Y/N can you pleaseeeeee come hang out with us we haven’t seen you in like two months- Chris

-Idkkkk -me

-plzzzzz like you never hangout with us anymore-Nick

-yeah I’ve just been busy-me

-busy??? Yeah right not busy enough to not hang out with us- Chris

-hey if she doesn’t want to hangout don’t force her, but we do miss you and would love to see you-Matt

-thanks Matt🖤-me

-booooo boring come over now, or I’ll come pick you up-Chris

-you can’t even drive Chris-me

-okay….ill get matt to drive me to come pick you up-Chris

-fineeeeee okay fine I’ll be over in a hour-me

-FUCKKKKK FINALLY OMG YES- Chris

-see yall soon<3-me

I had gotten up and decided to shower, washing my hair and just really try to clear my mind, and enjoy the fact that I’m getting to see my friends again. I hadn’t been out of my house in a good month, and this was giving me major anxiety.

I felt like once they’d see me they would know I haven’t been okay, and that’s something that scared me. I had to seem okay. I was never the one who broke down… ever.

I hadn’t finished getting ready. At first I wanted to put on some makeup to hide my dark eyes, but I decided against it because I really wasn’t in the mood. I headed out, and drove to the triplets house. When I got there Matt texted me letting me know that the door was unlocked and to meet them in his room.

I let myself in and walked to Matt’s room.

“Y/N” Chris yelled coming over and hugging me

“Hi guys” I said laughing

“She’s aliveeee” Nick said hugging me

“How have you guys been?” I asked plopping myself down on Matt’s bed with them

“We’ve been good, just filming honestly” Matt said

“Nice that’s always fun” I said

“I love it so much truly, but how have you been?” Nick asked

“I’ve been good, you know. Just uhhh been busy” I said lying straight through my teeth

“Nice, what have you been doing” Matt asked

“Oh you know just filming and editing and just going out with some of my other friends” I said

“I love your hair color by the way, when did you dye it red?” Chris asked me

“Oh like two months ago I need to get my roots done actually” I said running my hands through my hair

“Two months ago? I thought this was recent all your TikTok’s and YouTube videos your hair was black” Matt said looking at me suspiciously

“Oh uhhh” was all I could manage because I knew Matt was onto me

“Okay anyways I’m hungry” Chris said breaking the awkwardness

“Me too” Nick said

“McDonald’s?” Chris asked

“Fuck yes” Matt responded

“Okay Matt can you pick it up for us” Chris said pleading

“Uhhh I guess i have too since yall can’t drive” he said rolling his eyes

“I can drive” I said smiling

“Yayyyy this is why I love you” Chris said

“I’ll mobile order it so it’s less stressful” Nick said

They all put in their orders, and they handed the phone to me. My anxiety making me nauseous and not really in the mood to eat

“Oh I don’t think I’m going to get anything” I said

“WHAT? McDonald’s is your favorite” Nick said

“Uhh yeah I’m just not in the mood” I said

“Do you want something else?” Matt asked

“No I’m not hungry” I said looking at him

Matt nodded before taking the phone, messing with it f and then handing it to Nick.

“Alright let’s head out” I said

“Nick and I want to stay back y’all can go though” Chris said

“Sneaky fucks” Matt said laughing

Matt and I had gotten into my car heading over to the McDonalds

“What’s really going on?” Matt asked

“What do you mean?” I asked glancing over at him

“I know you’re not okay” he said looking at me

“Matt I’m fine” I said

“No you’re not. Your eyes…..I can tell that you’re sad” he said

“I’m just tired is all” I said swallowing thickly

“Y/N be honest…are you okay?” He asked reading my face for an answer

My lip quivered, and a lump formed in my throat. Nobody has asked me if I was okay.

“No” I whispered out in a croak

“Talk to me” he said sitting up

“I just don't know. I’ve been so depressed lately. I haven’t been able to get out of my bed. I’ve just been posting drafts because I can’t even get up to film. I can’t even get up to drink or eat anything. I miss my parents, I miss home and I just feel so alone. You were the first person to text me, and you have helped me a lot actually. You inviting me over was the first thing I have done in a month” I said letting a tear fall

“I’m so sorry you feel that way. I love you so fucking much, and I knew something was wrong that’s why I reached out. I care for you so much, and I don’t want you to struggle alone. I’m here for you” he said looking at me with saddened eyes

“I appreciate it Matt truly. You’re amazing” I said looking over at him and smiling weakly

“Never allow yourself to struggle alone okay. Please reach out to me or Nick or even Chris as crazy as that seems. We will always be here for you….always” he said

“I will. I just was fighting with myself for so long I couldn’t reach out for help” I said wiping my tears

“And that’s okay. No ones pressuring you to reach out, but know that the option is there. I would never turn you away. You know I’ll come flying to you in a heartbeat” he said nudging my shoulder

“I know Matt. I love you so much thank you for being here for me” I said nudging him back

“Also I got you your favorite from McDonald’s. I’m making sure you eat. I can tell you haven’t eaten. I can see it in your face” he said

“Thank you Matt what would I do without you” I said smiling at him

“I’m not sure actually” he said

“Don’t get too cocky” I said pointing my finger at him

We laughed, and I pulled up to the drive thru. We got our food, and we headed back home

We got back to their house, and started to eat in the kitchen. Laughing and catching up. Matt occasionally looking over at me, giving me reassuring smiles and glances.

I spent the night at their house, and I slept in Matt’s room. We watched my favorite childhood movies as he kept asking me if I was okay, and taking small glances at me.

Eventually we ended up falling asleep.

What would I do without Matt?

The End

This was a request, but Tumblr is actually being a dickrider so it wasn’t letting me put it with my story. But anywho I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS ONE🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets imagines #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo imagines

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boolger · 5 months

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I’m dangerous ☆ chapter 1 ☆ COD fanfic

Originally posted on my AO3, where I post all my stuff. Always read the tags of my fanfics. MDNI

[chapter 1] ☆[chapter 2] ☆ [chapter 3] ☆ [chapter 4] ☆ [chapter 5]☆ [chapter 6] ☆[chapter 7]

☆ fem!reader x Kate Laswell ☆ explicit. MDNI. ☆ 1/10 ☆ 1,843 words

☆ Summary: You were a hacker and had been a thorn in the side of the 141 gang for a while, in particular as you tried to find out who the famous leader, Watcher, was. But they refuse to be blackmailed and won’t pay you.

So, to prove that you weren’t just bluffing, but were a serious threat to them, you kidnapped a random woman that you saw coming out from one of their meetings, figuring she was a secretary or girlfriend or something.

Oh, how wrong you were.

☆ Tags: au mob, gang, kidnapping, blackmailing, dub-con, angst, smut, death, grief/mourning, hacking, non-con drug use, bondage, spanking, kissing, rough sex, inaccurate portrayal of mob, more will be added.

☆ note: I’m trying to keep the reader’s appearance vague, but she is afab, chubby and has shoulder length hair. ☆ As for plot – I’m not sure if I saw the post on tumblr or tiktok and I cant find it lol, but it mentioned reversing the more classic fanfic plots. So for example, the main character isn’t kidnapped by a mob boss - but kidnaps the mob boss. So, that is what I started with and then I will freestyle along the way. ☆ There will be mention of chronic illness and death of a character, not a main one, but the reader's little sister, but I try not to go into details about the illness aspect (since I don’t know too much about that). There will be focus on grief and the loss of a sibling however, so if that triggers or makes you uncomfortable, maybe don’t read this one. ☆ dubious consent in the later chapters, that might border to non-con. ☆ Badly described hacking. I don’t know shit about hacking, I've studied things in the humanities category the last six years. So if a bad understanding of tech makes you upset, I'm sorry.

Being a hacker wasn’t as glamorous as you had expected when you were younger. After everything with your sister, you had expected things to change, sure, but not into this. Everything was even more of a mess than before and somehow you got into blackmailing. Which, well… When you hit the right people, it paid well.

And sure, you had felt strong at first. Like you were invincible, a vigilante who blackmailed rich and awful people. You needed the money more than them, after all. Yet, the clock kept ticking and you needed more money fast. You needed more money to pay the last of your debts off and run away.

Which was how you ended up like this, blackmailing the mob.

The 141 gang was infamous on the streets of London. Most people knew who you talked about and those who didn’t, were often tourists or recently moved to the town. Whether they were hated or loved, really depended on who you asked. Some people said they made their areas safer, so they now had less crimes - others said they were horrendous bastards, who acted above the law. In truth, you didn’t really care. You weren’t a model citizen yourself, running around and blackmailing people. All you cared about was the fact that they had money, lots of it and they were easy to blackmail, since they didn’t want to be exposed.

Now, threatening them with the local police? Wouldn’t do much, it had to be to everybody – and then all the journalists too. Sure, you didn’t really have the energy to mass email out all the proof you had, but the 141 didn’t need to know that. You had them believe that you were a small group of people anyways and not just… you.

You, out in the almost empty house, over 50 miles away from London. It was much more lonely out here now. Half a year ago, you and your sister lived out here in peace, happy with how everything was going despite her illness flaring up now and again.

Now it was empty and lonely. Sometimes, when the wind hit the house at the right angle, you could hear the cars from the nearby motorway.

Alas, the 141 thought you were a big and bad group of hackers, threatening to take their kingdom down - and sure, you had a lot of stuff of theirs that could be bad in the wrong hands. You had papers, screenshots and recordings from when you hacked into different security cameras. You had traced a lot of them too, you had evidence.

Now they just needed to pay.

So far, they hadn’t really been fun to play with. They refused, saying that you were bluffing. Saying that if they saw you, they were going to kill you, which wasn’t really nice of them. You doubted they couldn’t survive without 60,000 pounds. Sure, it was a lot of money - but you needed them too. A bit more, you dared to think. And for a whole mobster empire? Seemed like a good deal to you.

Besides, you were so curious that you wanted to die: Who was their boss? Nobody knew. Everyone had ideas and theories, sure, but the famous Watcher was still unknown, even to you - which bothered you so much. You had your own theories, your main one was that this Watcher was really just John Price.

No matter who the Watcher was - and how good your deal was - they were just so fucking stubborn. So, you needed to prove that you were serious. You didn’t really have the time to mess around and send them more photos or shit, so according to movies you saw - and google - it was time to step up.

Go from hacker to kidnapper. Which really hadn’t been a career plan of yours, but here you were.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

You had tracked one of them, the Scot that everyone called Soap, so that you could follow them from a distance. You weren’t stupid enough to actually try to shadow them. Despite them not hanging around the finest streets of London, your beat up van stuck out sometimes.

Plans? Sure, you had… some of those. At least, you knew what not to do.

First of all - You weren’t going to take Price, people were around him all the time anyways and if he was the leader as you suspected, that wouldn’t go well.

Secondly, all his men were out of the picture too. At least those who always hang around him, because some of their biceps were bigger than your face.

Third, you had to avoid a proper fight - so that meant waiting for the right moment. You had a taser, duct tape and you had some strong sedatives. You were going to hack your way out of fighting.

Fourth and final point so far - get away as fast as possible. You weren’t going to stick around.

So just… wait for the right person, then tase, inject, duct tape, drive away. It was fine. You had all the components, you just needed to put it all together, then blackmail the group, get the money, drop off the person and then get away.

Your van was blue and rusty, the engine was loud and all the back seats were taken out, since you had lived in it for a little while, outside the hospital. The mattress you used to have in the back was pulled away, since you needed it for the captive to sleep on inside the house. They would have to deal with being on the car floor for the trip - they would most likely be sedated anyways. Now there was just some trash in the back of the car that you should probably have cleaned up, but didn’t care to, since the car bore bad memories - as well as some small electronic pieces that you had picked up here and there, thinking you would need to use it for experiments.

As the group came to a stop at a pub you knew they went to sometimes, you went behind it and parked next to a bigger car, which hid your van a little. Then you waited.

You wore some of your more discreet clothing. The baby-metal band t-shirts were hidden beneath a grey hoodie, with the least monster energy drink stains on, and a pair of rugged jeans. If your sister had been here she would have rolled your eyes at you and said you looked like a teenager trying to be rebellious - and not a 25-year old woman. You missed being told that. Your hair was hanging loosely, hoping it would hide your face a little. Your septum piercing was tipped up and hidden, and you had changed your usual silver tongue piercing for a clear one. Though you doubted that it was your tongue piercing that would be damning evidence.

After waiting about 25 minutes you crawled over the seats rather inelegantly, opening the sliding door to turn towards the other car, for some fresh air.

You were tired, yet stressed at the same time. It was unnecessarily stressful to kidnap somebody, especially when you didn’t really want to.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

It was about a power nap and 30 minutes later, when you were ripped from your thoughts at the sounds of the back door opening and a female voice telling somebody that she needed her cigarettes. You tipped your head forward a little, seeing how she closed the backdoor behind her.

You had seen her before. She seemed to be near the others a lot of the time.

She looked in her 40s, with light brown hair that almost looked a little blond in the rare sunlight of London. Nicely dressed, a confident smile on her face as she pulled her car keys from her bag and the car right next to you lit up.

Maybe a girlfriend? Wife? Secretary?

No matter what, the chance was too good to be true.

Somehow you managed to catch her off guard as she seemed more focused on finding her cigarettes as she opened her car door – so that was when you struck, tasing her. Everything happened so fast - yet not fast enough at the same time.

You pushed the needle into her skin, as she groaned, clearly a little confused from being tased - and most likely from hitting your car floor - as soon as the contents were injected you pulled the needle out again. The woman groaned and grabbed your wrist, mumbling something. You pushed it off, grabbing the roll of duct tape you had prepared, pushing her onto her stomach. She wasn’t going without a fight though and you wanted to cry as she managed to pull her hand free. You needed the bloody drug to kick in this minute.

You sat down on her back, your weight useful - the work of wrapping her wrists together was honestly shit. YouTube made it look so much easier.

You ignored her as she began to curse you out. grabbing her bag, emptying the content on the floor of the car, eyes constantly flickering to her. She seemed confused - so you focused. There was an Apple air tag in it, that you hurriedly picked up. There was no phone though. You wanted to throw up, this was taking longer than it should.

She tried sitting up, having rolled onto her back again, your eyes meeting. Hers were cloudy, while yours were focused. You pushed her down again, hands running over her jacket. The moment your hand touched the familiar shape of a phone, your hand dug into the pocket, not even trying to be nice about it. She was mumbling about how what you were doing was wrong, but you didn’t need to be told that.

As soon as you got the phone, you got up and crawled in between the front seats, sitting down and starting the car. You needed to get the hell out of here, now.

The sound of the shitty engine drowned out her complaints. You drove off as quickly as you could, throwing her phone and the AirTag out in a couple of bushes that the car passed.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

It was several minutes later that you concluded that nobody was following you, which made you breathe a little easier.

As you waited for the green light, you looked over your shoulder, taking in the sight of the woman on the floor of your car, in between empty monster cans, cables and small electronics. She was laying quietly, but you could see her chest moving.

What the fuck had you gotten yourself into? You could feel an anxiety attack crawling along your ribs, threatening to overwhelm you.

As soon as the money was transferred, you dropped her off again - and then you could run, somewhere up north. Start somewhere fresh, where you don't know anybody. Where the 141 or bad memories couldn’t find you. Maybe get a dog.

First things first, however. You needed to get this whole kidnapping thing done.

#fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #my writing #call of duty #call of duty fanfic #kate laswell x reader #kate laswell #cod fanfic #cod mob au #boolger #call of duty Kate Laswell #cod smut #cod lesbian #cod reader #call of duty reader

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freedomfireflies · 2 years

Note

hi! if you’re still taking requests could you please write something about being pregnant and you’re getting some hate from harry’s fanbase about your body and harry reassures you about how you’re beautiful and all that, maybe some smut if you can?? i’m feeling a bit insecure about my body today and i really wish i had someone to help me through that 😓 if you don’t want to no worries, i love your work 🫶🏻

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to do this, but I hope it can help remind you exactly how wonderful, stunning, and loved you are!

“No.”

“Angel…just come here—”

“I said no.”

Harry’s eyes narrow playfully as he regards you from the bed. “Baby, if I have to pick you up and carry you back over, I promise you aren’t gonna like what happens next.”

You snort from your place inside the closet, although truth be told, you don’t doubt that he will. “I’ll be there in a second, okay—”

“No, not okay. I want you here now,” he insists, and you suck in a quiet breath as your lids squeeze shut, willing yourself not to cry.

After a moment or two, you turn around and face him, taking a hesitant step closer as he offers a sympathetic smile.

“Good girl,” he murmurs. “That’s it, come on. Right here.”

He pats his parted thighs until you slip yourself between them. And once you do, he takes hold of your hips and keeps you firmly planted to your spot.

“Now…tell me what’s going on up here, hm?” he whispers, reaching up to tap his finger along your temple. “Tell me, Angel.”

A beat as you debate how much to share. “It's...nothing. Really,” you sigh, not exactly in the mood to divulge the abuse your mind has been putting you through for the past few days.

Well…weeks, actually. Months. Years.

“Eh, wrong,” he declares teasingly. “Try again.”

You look down at him, throat burning from the force of attempting to keep yourself together. “I just…I don’t know. I can’t seem to find anything to wear that I feel…good in.”

His playful attitude seems to diminish, brows pulling together as his lips purse and he looks up at you. “S’your mind being mean to you again?”

“Probably,” you mumble, glancing down at his shirt, hoping to focus on that instead. The look in his eye isn't helping the pit in your stomach. “Or maybe I’m just finally seeing myself for what I am.”

“And what are you?”

You tangle your fingers in the material on his chest. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. “I’m exactly who they said I was.”

“Who?”

You go quiet, not exactly thrilled with the idea of reliving it.

“Who, Angel?” he repeats a bit sterner, shaking your hips once.

You roll your lips into your mouth. “The comments. All the comments. Everywhere. Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Tumblr. At your shows, on the street, from some of those girls at the party. They’ve made it very clear that I’m not your type and I just…I don’t know. I guess I didn’t see it before, or I didn’t want to see it before but now I do, and I just don’t—”

He shakes you again until you stop, palm reaching up to cup your jaw and force your eyes on him. “Hey, easy, okay? Enough. That’s the fucking love of my life you’re talking about, yeah? I don’t wanna hear that shit—”

“Yeah, well I don’t either, but here we are,” you huff, yanking your head away so you can look back down at the floor.

But Harry isn’t so easily deterred, quickly taking your face in both his hands this time around as he brings your attention back to him. “All right, well let’s start with this: they can go fuck themselves. They don’t know my type. They don’t know jack shit about me or what I like—”

“Har,” you interject with a pointed look. “It’s not that hard to guess that your type is skinny and blonde—”

“No, see, fuck that, too,” he scoffs. “Look, am I gonna sit here and pretend there haven’t been a few coincidences? No. There’s a pattern, I see that. But that’s not why I dated them. I dated them because of who they were. Because of how I felt when I was around them. Because of their intentions and their morals not because of the way they looked.”

It’s a nice argument. Almost believable, too. You know Harry like the back of your hand. You know what he’s drawn to. Know that he cares about what’s in someone’s heart first and foremost.

But you also know that he’s a man and men are pigs and horny all the goddamn time.

“I believe that you believe that,” you tell him. “Doesn’t change the fact that the world expects you to be with someone that looks like…you know, not me.”

That handsome face of his falls into a frown. “You think I make my choices based on what the world expects of me?”

You sigh, head shaking once. “No,” you whisper, rather ashamed. “No, I just…I guess I wished I saw something else when I looked in the mirror.”

He stares at you for a moment. Quietly. Purposefully. Then, he stands.

You scramble back as he grabs your hand and leads you toward the corner of the bedroom where your full-length mirror resides.

Oh, great, you think, feet dragging a bit as he places you in front of your reflection and settles in behind you.

“I’m gonna tell you what I see, yeah?” he declares as he peeks over your shoulder to meet your eye in the mirror. “And you’re gonna fucking listen to me. Not to them. Not to your anxiety or your overthinking. Me. Just me. Deal?”

Not like you really have a choice, you sigh again as you nod once.

“Good girl.” His fingers delicately begin to trace down the slope of your shoulders and down your arms as your breath hitches. “I see the arms that held me the night I found out my friend had died. The arms that make me feel safe and loved. The arms that carried each and every one of those flowers to my mom’s house for her birthday and the arms that let me be the little spoon when I need it.”

Your teeth pull at your lip in an attempt to keep from smirking as his touch travels from your arms to your waist and you watch rather intently.

“I see the hips that I grab onto when I’m fucking ruining you against the wall. The hips that I grab onto when you sit on my lap and grind that pretty ass against my cock when you think no one is looking. I see the hips that I squeeze when you’re dancing with me in that pretty red dress I fucking adore,” he continues, his voice a gentle purr, and suddenly, you don’t feel like smirking anymore.

He moves back up, fingers sweeping down the back of your neck before dancing around your throat and along your jaw.

“I see the face of the woman I love. The lips I love to bite until they bleed. The eyes that look at me when I’m doing something annoying, or stupid, or just a little bit dangerous. The eyes that watch me when I ruin you with my tongue, or when I dance around the stage, or when I get into the shower even though you think I don’t notice.”

You’re not quite sure you’re breathing at this point, his pointed gaze still on yours through the reflection as his hand begins to fall to your chest.

“I see the body that brought you to me. I see your heart in the little things you do. The way you speak. The way you make sure everyone around you is okay before you check on yourself. I see your heart in the way you trust me. The way you sacrifice your sanity just to follow me around the world on the world’s tiniest tour bus. In the way you play my mom’s dumb Rabbit, Rabbit game every month because it makes her so happy and no one else will play it with her.”

Now you do laugh, head shaking as you glance down at the floor.

But he brings two fingers to your chin to raise it back up once again as he leans closer, lips ghosting the shell of your ear.

“I see the legs that shake when I tease you,” he murmurs. “The thighs that squeeze around my head when you come. I see the skin that looks so beautiful when it’s sweaty and sticky and soft under my touch. I see the ass I could bounce a quarter off of. I see the curves I love to run my tongue along. I see the dips that fit mine like a fucking puzzle piece. Like it was always meant to fit. Your body in mine.”

You’re leaning back against his chest, now hardly able to stand as he nearly brings you to his knees with his words alone. You’re almost annoyed at the way he’s managed to play you and yet…you know that everything he says, he means.

When he’s sure he has your full attention, he slips his arms around your waist until he can press his palms to your stomach, chin on your shoulder as you suck in a longing breath.

“I see the body that holds our baby,” he says softly, and you feel the tears sneaking their way to your eyeline. “The body that made our baby. The body that carries it, protects it, nourishes it. The stomach that looks just as glorious now as it did the first time I saw it. The stomach that I love to run my lips along. To taste, to have, to bite until it’s my name you see when you look in the mirror.”

Your head is spinning, filled with more voices than you can count. And every comment. The ones online, the ones telling you that you’re not who you should be, and now…his.

And then suddenly, it goes quiet.

Until all you hear…is him.

“I see the love of my life,” he continues as your eyes meet his again. “I see you. I see the only person I want to see. The only person I want to come home to. The only person I’ve ever truly wanted. No matter what they tell you, no matter what you tell yourself…it doesn’t change what I see. No numbers, no sizes, no comments. I just see you. I see the person that makes me feel safe and the body that gives me the kind of hard-on that has me wanking off in a coat closet just to get some relief.”

You’re not sure whether to laugh or cry, so you do both as he smirks and reaches his knuckles up to catch a stray tear falling down your cheek.

“I know that this isn’t something that I can fix, no matter how good I am,” he adds teasingly. “But I want you to promise me something, yeah?”

You nod.

“Next time you hear anybody else’s voice but mine…you come straight to me. So I can show you exactly who you are to me.”

You don’t answer with words. Instead, you turn around and kiss him. Fingers in his hair as you slip your tongue past his and try with everything you have to let him know how much you love him. How much you appreciate him.

How much you need him.

He’s more than grateful to have you on him like this, already attempting to pull you back toward the bed, but before the tender moment can pass, you take a second to breathe and press your forehead to his.

He waits patiently, keeping his hold on you tight as you work to find the right words.

“I love you,” is all you can say, lashes falling shut, overcome with emotion and need. “I really fucking love you.”

“I love you, Angel,” he replies, laughing a bit as if he can hardly believe how lucky he is.

Then, he kisses you again.

“Now let me see you.”

~ Full Masterlist

~ Other Harry Blurbs

#harry #harry styles #harry edward styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles blurb #harry styles request #harry styles fluff #harry styles prompt

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undead-supernova · 6 months

Text

I'll Pay the Price, You Won't.

And All at Once / Masterlist

Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6

plot: your first song about Eddie is about to drop, leaving you nervous about how he'll react

Pairings: modernrockstar!Eddie x fem!popstar!Reader (curvy!reader, bisexual!reader)

Warnings: a very real conversation about drug addiction and familial death, smoking

wc: 5k

The guy on the screen was uncanny.

“It's very, very special. Because if you can see, the numbers all go to 11. Look, right across the board. 11, 11, 11, 11."

"And most of these amps go up to 10."

It was one of the band members of the fake band Spinal Tap, clad in a black cut-off tee with a neon green print of a ribcage. Black jeans. Shaggy brown hair with bangs. A cigarette hanging from his mouth. Surrounded by a dozen guitars.

It was as if Eddie had been cloned with a hair straightener.

“You look just like that,” you murmured, glancing over at him.

He rolled his eyes, not even bothering to look at you. “I do not.”

“Yes, you do,” you argued. “You wear the tightest leather pants I’ve ever seen. And that shirt? The cig?”

"...you're on 10 on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?"

"I don't know."

"Nowhere. Exactly."

“Yeah, but I don’t think I look like that.”

“Maybe not, but you do look like that. And you act like them, too. Don’t make me pull up Wayne’s World either.”

“Why don't you just make 10 louder, and make 10 be the top number, and make that a little louder."

"These go to 11."

He burst into laughter. Whether it was at you or the joke on the screen, you couldn’t tell. But it didn’t matter to you. His wild laugh was, to put it simply, everything.

“Okay, maybe I do.”

You loved him.

God, you loved him so damn much and you wanted to tell him over and over again. Drown him in your love and affection, get your sticky, glittery goo smeared all over his tattooed arms. Spread it all over him so that he never went a day without it.

But you stayed quiet in loving him despite being on his arm. Despite the photos and the TikTok stitches and the Instagram reels. The Tumblr communities that speculated what you talked about and how you would navigate arguments based off your respective star signs. But never once did you tell him that you loved him.

It was obvious. Maybe it didn’t need to be said.

Even if your new single was going to drop in the next few weeks and it was absolutely, positively about how much you fucking loved him.

Eddie had begged you to let him listen to it, but you were too scared. It was a pop song for Christ’s sake, and you didn’t want him to think it was cheesy or stupid or, you know, not good. You’d caught him listening to your music sometimes, so you knew he didn’t hate your sound. But there was always that possibility…

It was on your mind tonight while watching This Is…Spinal Tap on his couch, Oz and Puppet curled into each other on the other side. You leaned further into his side; legs pressed up to your chest. A fuzzy black blanket draped over you.

“Tell me something true?”

Eyebrows furrowing, you looked at Eddie. “Yeah, what is it?”

“Why are you so scared about me hearing your song?”

You grew bashful. “Well, I mean… It’s about you.”

“And?”

“Well, what if you don’t think the lyrics are good? Or, like, you hate the music? Or you get embarrassed because of how bad it is?”

Eddie snorted. “Are you really that worried?”

“It’s not like it’s a ballad,” you explained, picking your nails under the blanket. “It’s like a fast-paced pop song. I mean, it’s literally called ‘Okay, Now Stop!’ It has an exclamation point at the end.” He chuckled. “The lyrics are very pointed but also vague, and I didn’t know if that would be okay, but now I can’t really change it. And I know it’s not the most poetic thing I’ve ever written. The label really wanted it to be the first single, but I’m nowhere near being done with the album—"

Eddie interrupted you with a kiss, pulling your chin towards him with his pointer finger and thumb. You lost all sense of insecurity as he deepened it gently, basically swapping saliva as he nearly devoured your mouth.

When he finally pulled back, he gave you a swift peck. “I honestly don’t mind. I know you’re worried that we’ll cause more commotion, but this is your art, you know? You get to say what you want to say and it’s not your responsibility to tell people to butt the hell out and just enjoy the song. And if it’s fun, the lyrics don’t need to be poetic. Cut yourself some slack, sweetheart.” You nodded, knowing he was right. “When did you write it?”

“I wrote it around the time we first started running around.”

You weren’t expecting to see him smirk. “Oh, really?”

“It’s fun,” you said, more confident now. “I like dancing to it.”

“Then I’ll be there dancing with you.”

“I think I’d like that,” you said.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

Eddie chased your lips again, hands moving of their own volition. And though the night was spent in pleasure, you were still stuck on this idea of failure. Not just from the fear of Eddie’s opinion, but the opinion of the world. And you knew, knew that you weren’t supposed to care. You weren’t supposed to let this stuff get to you anymore after almost losing him.

And that’s how the guilt settled in your stomach at three in the morning. Because you knew that you still cared. Maybe you would always care.

It was strange, having everyone over at your hidden house.

Usually, it was empty, save for Eddie and Scott. An oasis to escape to whenever there was too much noise. However, tonight was too special, with your entire team and Corroded Coffin there. Even Becky, Este, and Mary had flown in for the special occasion despite finals coming up in the next few weeks. And they didn’t complain about it once, just excited that they got to see you. You could reciprocate the sentiment ten times over.

Your lavish living room was decked out in decorations, pink and holographic silver streamers galore. Balloons getting tossed around and popped every so often. Grant and Jeff had provided the refreshments, supplying any empty space in the kitchen with liquor, beer, and mixers. Clara had gotten your favorite local restaurant in the city to cater for the evening, even going so far as to bring it all herself to uphold your privacy.

Your last two albums played over the speakers despite your protests. Eddie had egged it on, poking your sides and telling you how much he loved everything you made. How you deserved to be celebrated, no matter how cliché it was. How you should be proud of your past as it was a part of your future. In the end, you knew he was right.

Everyone was dressed casually, your boyfriend wearing a beat-up Iron Maiden t-shirt with dark jeans and mismatched socks. Everyone’s heavy jackets sat near the back door just in case the party moved. It was November, after all. You’d tried to be just as casual, with a white long-sleeved crop top and jeans. For the first time in a while, you weren’t self-conscious about how different you both looked. If anything, it made you smile that much more.

And Eddie made it a point to move the furniture so the room could turn into a big dance floor, spinning you around to your own music as the night continued. “I’ll take that,” he’d say randomly, taking your drink and placing it on any stable surface before dragging you to dance.

“This is one of my favorites,” he’d add, but you couldn’t help but think he was lying after the third time.

You were a chaotic pair, bumping hips and swing dancing as awfully as you could at the groans and protests of Jeff, Grant, Gareth, and Ronnie. In the end, they all joined in—Eddie just had to threaten demolish them in their campaign first. Then they suddenly had the urge to congregate and make fools of themselves.

When you weren’t dancing, Eddie was still all over you, always touching you in some way. Stroking your back, wrapping his arms around you from behind as you spoke to his band. Your friends. Your entire team. Even Scott, which you thought was brave.

He did it all and whenever you had a pause, his lips littered kisses on your cheeks.

It was still something to get used to. Because though the past stayed in the past, it was a rather usual feeling to be left to your own devices without your partner. Only a hidden shadow in the dark. They came to your events, sure. But they never came close for too long, always aware of pictures and gossip. You were the secret they were too ashamed to keep.

Eddie wanted nothing from you except to be yours.

And you couldn’t thank him enough for it.

“I think you should put it on now,” Este suggested, thirty minutes from the release. You tried to hide your smile. “It’s only fair.”

Clara shook her head. “Nope. No way.”

“Ah, come on,” Eddie said with a playful grin. “Don’t be a grinch! Especially this close to December.”

You giggled, detangling yourself from Eddie to approach her. Clasping your hands together, you mustered up the softest pout that you could. “Let me give everyone an exclusive.” Batting your eyes, you added, “Pretty please?”

Clara gave you a hard stare, clearly calculating whatever risk she saw before sighing. “Fine, but if something goes wrong, you’re to blame!”

Everyone cheered as you skipped over to your phone sitting on your bookshelf, still connected up to the speaker. Pausing the current song, you turned to face everyone.

“Okay! So, before I start this, I want to thank everyone for being here. It’s really lovely to see all the people I adore in one room. It’s an early Christmas miracle.” Your friends giggled. “And I know this is just the first single and we still have an album to finish, but the music I’m writing now,” your eyes flickered to Eddie before looking away, “is maybe the most important writing I’ve ever done. And I can’t wait for what comes next.”

“A toast,” Eddie called out, causing all eyes to fall on him. “to one of the most talented women to ever walk the earth.”

Murmurs of agreement sounded from the rest of the party. You bit your lip, trying not to let those flutters in your stomach overwhelm you. And as everyone took a sip, your eyes met Eddie’s, watching as he nodded at you. His smile emitted pride, raising his glass to you before sending a quick wink.

You nodded before pressing play and skipping back over to Eddie’s side.

The song started with you clearing your throat and saying,

“Okay, my pretty boy...now move!"

A trumpet wailed before the drums kicked in and the electronics filled the soundscape, an Eighties-inspired beat enveloping the room. Becky, Este, and Mary squealed and started dancing. You couldn’t help but giggle and move your shoulders to the beat.

You deliberately avoided Eddie’s gaze on you at the sound of you calling him a pretty boy. You knew you’d be too embarrassed. And though he didn’t try to directly catch your attention, you could tell he liked it by the way he squeezed your hand. Hopefully he’d keep that sentiment.

“Would it be crazy to say how deeply I'm into you?

Would you promise no games, 'cause I always lose."

You continued to feel Eddie’s stare, finally turning your head to find him raising his eyebrows at you. With a quick shrug, feigning nonchalance and secrecy, you decided to sway your hips along to the beat. You hadn’t been kidding when you said you loved dancing to it.

“Every day looked the same as the ones before.

But you nursed your whiskey and said you wanted more."

As the beat built up and dropped into the chorus, you saw smiles on every face. Eddie was even tapping his foot along to the beat, every so often bumping into you on purpose. You held back your laughter.

“Okay, now stop! Hear me knock!

There's no hotel room I couldn't find my way into.

Okay, now stop! Hear the clock!

We're wasting time, here's to another long goodbye."

When you looked behind you, you noticed Gareth starting to head bang, giving you a thumbs up as the song hit a small instrumental. Ronnie was nodding along, something you didn’t expect. Past him, you noticed Scott watching you with a fond smile on his face. You returned it, sending him an air kiss.

“If this is fate, I confess to you that I don't mind.

And if I ask for something true then please don't lie.

Can you tell that I miss you whenever I'm away?

There's only so much time, who knows what can change."

By the time the bridge came, some had latched onto singing along with the lyrics. You’d even caught Eddie trying to learn the melody immediately. It felt good, like all the worry you’d had before was washing away. You’d made this, confident in its production. You never needed to worry because you were proud of it. Sometimes you just forgot where you put your confidence.

“This is my favorite part,” you said quietly to Eddie, nudging him as it began.

“Hey there! I confess! That there is now an Angel in my bed.

Hey there! I confess! That I'm the Devil waiting in our bed.

Okay, now stop!

We're dancing dirty to The Beatles and the Stones.

Okay, now stop!

You're dancing pretty asking me to lead you home."

You put your fingers up, turning to Eddie and pointing to him. There’s a pause in the song before you scream,

"And I DO!"

Everyone started whooping, the entire house shaking with the bass and the many bodies now dancing along to something you created. You got the same feeling as you did when you toured, always able to feed off the excitement of the audience. The energy, the rush of adrenaline.

It was as electric as Eddie’s touch on your waistline, aggressively nuzzling his face into your neck. It was as addicting as his presence, breath continuing to wash over your skin and into your lungs.

It felt like magic.

“Baby,” Eddie whispered in your ear as you continued to sway. “I like it.”

You stopped, softening at his statement. “Yeah?”

“Absolutely. It’s cute and fun.” He kissed your ear. “I know every little thing you’re talking about. It’s actually kinda hot.”

“Even if it sounds desperate?” you wondered.

He shook his head into your neck once more before pulling back. “As if I wasn’t.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “You sure never acted like it.”

He shrugged, taking a step back before he moved some of his hair behind his ear. “Well, I had to keep my rizz intact.”

You couldn’t help but lightly smack his stomach, watching as he pretended to take a blow and almost fall over.

“I hate that you said that.”

“You love it,” he whispered, grabbing and pulling you back into his arms. You couldn’t help but laugh when he pretended to bite your neck.

“This is so good!” Jeff exclaimed as the song ended, interrupting your light bickering. You freed yourself from Eddie before hugging Jeff. “I just know the rest of the album is gonna go hard.”

“You think?”

Before he could respond, Scott was approaching you, a grin on his lips. He looked slightly cartoonish, his mustache lifting with his smile.

“Doin’ great, kiddo,” he said, patting your shoulder. “Doin’ great.”

Tears collected in your eyes at his words. Sniffling, you shook your head. “I bet you say that to everyone.”

“Not even close. You deserve it all,” he replied. “And I’m so proud of you for getting this far.”

In Scott’s face, you saw the beginning. When your father decided to treat you like a cash cow, Scott was there to treat you like a daughter. He kept you safe. But more than that, he was there when you needed him. He listened when you had to speak. Was there to cheer you on whenever you doubted yourself. Spoke up for you whenever anyone else doubted you. Made sure that no matter what, you had someone in your corner.

So, you pulled him into a tight hug. Buried your face into his shoulder as the world around you became a source of ease. There was nothing outside of this house tonight. No pictures. No receipts. No accusations. No need for armor.

No, the rest of the world no longer existed. Not when everyone you held close was right there, living in this moment with you.

“Why don’t we go out on the balcony?” Eddie asked, grabbing his jacket and your cardigan from the coat hanger.

You raised an eyebrow, eyes flickering around the room at everyone still dancing and drinking. It was midnight, but no one seemed to care. Least of all you and Eddie.

“And leave the party?” you questioned.

“Yeah, come on,” he said, already starting to pull you towards the door. “I got a present for you.”

Something in you softened. “For me?”

And Eddie was damn near smirking as you pushed through the doors.

“Mhm. Come on, sweetheart.”

And so you did, draping the cardigan over your shoulders and slipping out the French doors.

The balcony was something you’d spent real money on, always wanting something like it since you were a kid. There was the railing, all while Roman columns. The plotted flowers adorning every lining and every corner. The few benches overlooking the backyard. Land, with woods and everything, for as far as the eye could see.

It was like your own little Victorian dream.

Then there was the moon, waxing gibbous, high in the air and brighter here than anywhere else you’d ever been. Sometimes it reminded you of those trips you’d take to your grandparents’ house as a kid, far out in Nowhere, Tennessee. The extensive farmland, with lightning bugs and the low hum of crickets. The stars, the moon—so much closer and more tangible than you could ever fathom.

Though you couldn’t hear or really see anything like that here, it still felt like home to you. You made it feel like home.

“I know you don’t smoke as often as I do, but…” Eddie trailed, breaking the silence. He dipped into the front pocket of his jacket. “I made you something.”

You looked at him curiously as he placed something in your hand. It was a joint, but it wasn’t wrapped in normal paper. Was it even paper at all? In the low light, you noticed its maroon hue, the uneven texture.

“They’re rose petals,” he explained. “I actually made it myself. Pressed it and all that shit.”

You twirled it around in awe. The precision at which Eddie was able to roll a joint was astounding. Sure, it was due to years of practice, but it looked as clean as what you could find at any dispensary near your apartment in the city.

“I love it,” you said, biting your lip to hide your smile. Looking back into his eyes, you suppressed the urge to tell him just what else you loved.

And your pause did something to him, his eyebrow lifting as he waited for you to say something else.

But you didn’t, the words lodging in your throat.

“Want me to light it?” he asked suddenly, shaking his head.

You peered at him curiously, wondering what he was thinking.

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

Once you’d gotten the smoke into your mouth, you could taste a slight tinge of something floral. It didn’t taste all that bad. Actually, it was nice. As you exhaled, you noticed the lack of a strong burn in your throat.

“That’s smooth,” you commented. “Did you use a fancy filter?”

“The fanciest.”

As you smoked, you leaned your head on his shoulder, breathing him in as much as you could. The high settled in soft and sweet, taking that high energy and molding it into something peaceful.

“Can I tell you something true?”

You nodded, leaning back. “Yeah, what is it?”

Eddie’s eyes met yours, all signs of humor fading from his face. “I’m really glad to have you in my life,” he said. His voice was lower now, more serious. Deliberate. “Everything is so shitty sometimes and having you through it all has been really…” he trailed, trying to find the right word before shrugging. “I don’t know. Just really something.”

“Me, too,” you said, your smile widening. “Sometimes I can’t believe that you’re not even listening to the world. And when you can’t avoid it, you’re able to just laugh at it. I haven’t seen someone do that before.”

“I just try not to take it all so seriously. If there’s three million people saying one thing but we're still living our lives, then eventually the joke is on them. Not us.” His smile returned then, just for you. “Plus, your laugh is just heavenly.”

“You really think so?” you asked, voice growing small.

“Yeah, sweetheart. I really do.” Eddie’s fingers cupped your jaw, thumb brushing over your cheek. “With everything that I went through, with the drugs and Wayne and everything… I don’t know. It’s nice, not just to have a friend, but someone I can come home to and, like, cherish. You know?”

You nodded, leaning into his touch. “You never exactly told me how all of that happened.” Eddie’s eyebrows shot up. “The drugs, I mean.”

He looked surprise, dropping his hand to take the joint from you. “Uh, shit. Well. Do you want me to tell you?”

“I do,” you said with a nod. “but only if you want to.”

“Are you sure? Tonight’s, like, your night.”

“And because it’s my night, I wanna hear about it.”

“Here, let me get another hit in before it gets all sad and shit.”

You rolled your eyes. “We’re artists. We’re always sad.”

Eddie started laughing which resulted in him coughing out the smoke. You rubbed his back as he caught his breath again. “Yeah. Shit. Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“Satisfied?”

He nodded, taking another hit before he started. “I knew it was a fucking mistake when I did it. I really knew better. Gesturing towards the bench, you sat down next to one another. “Here, let’s sit down.”

Eddie handed you the joint before he kept going. “I didn’t have anyone there to tell me not to. I don’t blame the guys for using it recreationally. Once, twice—sure. Go ahead. But it’s when you start doing it a loooot more that gets a little tricky.

“I thought I was smarter than addiction the second I caught my dad’s stash that first time after Mom passed,” he explained. “And, sure, I was smoking weed but that wasn’t a big deal. Weed’s great. Tried mushrooms and acid, sure. Molly once. What can I say? I have an open mind.” He gave you a small smile as you chuckled. “But then Grant said something at a party about trying coke together and I was like, ‘Sweet, let’s just try it once.’ And for Grant, that was true. But not me.

“Narrowly avoided it but, fuck. People just have it all the time.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “I haven’t tried it, but it’s been offered to me more times than I can count.”

“Bingo. Exactly.” He tapped your knee with his. It was only then that you noticed the other was bouncing. You couldn’t decipher whether it was from the cold or nerves.

“I convinced Ronnie to have more parties so Grant could get us some more. But none of them wanted it, so I always took all of it. And I just convinced him that we needed it as a just in case thing.” A sigh left his lips. “That, uh, lasted for two years.”

Your eyes widened, watching as he grew crestfallen.

“Eddie…” you whispered. “That was after your uncle…”

“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “Yeah, it stayed after Wayne passed. But, like, five months after coke made it worse, Grant and the others sat me down and told me that they were worried about me. Ronnie hit me in the face which was, yeah, deserved to say the least. I was acting like a prick, spinning lies about how Wayne passing couldn’t be related. That I was fine when I really wasn’t. Like, clearly I wasn’t, you know? I was using.” You nodded. “Anyways, they convinced me to try and get help.”

“What did they say?” you asked.

“Jeff told me that they decided to stop partying, or at least stop doing it almost every weekend. That from now on we take alone time or find something to do together and just chill. Turn off for a while. See if it helped. Solidarity.” He grinned, something you weren’t expecting, his eyes glazed over in a memory. “Gareth asked me if I still had any of my old D and D campaign notes. I did, do, in a very protected place. Laminated it myself when I got the funds. And Ronnie, well, she told me that they wanted to play again and that if I was coked up, I couldn’t DM. And no one questions if I should be a player or the DM.”

A smirk formed on his lips. “And you know that it meant something to me. Still does. And she told me that once I got out of rehab, I better have a killer campaign to play.” Growing somber again, he took your hand in his. “You know, James Hetfield struggled with a drinking problem for a long time. They called Metallica ‘Alcoholia’ instead ‘cause they got so fucked up on tour.”

“I didn’t know that,” you admitted. “That’s awful.”

Eddie let out a laugh, but it wasn’t really a laugh. More like a scoff he was trying to cough out. “Sometimes,” he said. “I feel like such a fucking idiot, you know? The signs were there. The warnings. Everyone said it and I just…did it anyways. And I don’t wanna touch that shit again but, fuck.”

You thought back to your cousins, the twins who couldn’t make ends meet after your aunt passed away. They resorted to selling, nearly embarrassed to admit how much it helped them pay their bills. If they were eating, that was all that mattered. It was only when they started using the product that it became something else. When you’d gotten the money to do so, you made sure they each had their own house and paid any expenses for rehab. You couldn’t stand watching them go through something like that anymore.

“Addiction is handed to people on a silver platter sometimes,” you said. “And you didn’t think doing it once would turn into a problem. I don’t think anyone does.” Lightly squeezing his hand, you added, “I think what the guys did was really awesome. They’re good for you.”

“Yeah, they’re amazing. Saved my life more than once, that’s for sure.”

Eddie grew quiet then, staring back out at the moonlight. The faint sound of “because i liked a boy” by Sabrina Carpenter could be heard beneath a high-pitched laugh, belonging to Mary no doubt. You and Eddie were somewhere else, blanketed by the promise of the truth. Freezing in the mid-November air, particularly brutal this year. But you two stayed there, too wrapped up in your shared words. Some part of you knew it was crazy, but you’d stay out there all night if he asked you to.

“And, uh,” he started after a few minutes of silence. “I feel very grateful that I found you,” You tried to hide your smile but couldn’t. “Not to sound like I’m high while I’m high, but it just, like.” He shrugged. “Sometimes it feels like the planets and the fates and the stars just kinda align and suddenly you’re somewhere you never thought you’d be. For better or for worse. And I know that with you, it’s for better.”

Tears welled in your eyes, the weight of his words piercing your chest. “You just had to go and make me cry, didn’t you?”

“Crying’s good,” he said, planting a kiss on your forehead. “Enough with the sappy shit. Well, maybe there’s more.”

“What else could you possibly say that isn’t going to wreck me?”

“Well,” he started. “I wanted to invite you on a little trip.”

“Where?”

“Some island off the British Virgin Islands. The details are kinda hazy since Gareth sprung it on us, but we’ll be warm…” He pulled you closer. “We can go snorkeling or jet skiing or whale watching.” A kiss to your neck. “And we’ll have a lot of privacy to do whatever we want.”

“Are you trying to take me on a…ah, fuck…a fuck-cation?” you wondered, trying to keep your voice level. There were people just beyond the door after all.

“It’s more than just that, sweetheart,” he said, pulling his head away. “I just want to spend some time with you outside of all these cities is all. We don’t have to run around or worry about any cameras. I made sure of that.”

“Did you drop money on something for once?” you asked.

Since getting to know Eddie, you found that he didn’t spend a ton of money all the time. Like you, he donated a lot of it and only spent real money on himself when it came to guitars and jewelry. Maybe a nice meal here and there. But besides that, he still frequented thrift stores and cooked his own food. Still kept a budget for expenses despite practically never needing one again. He’d told you that old habits die hard, and you couldn’t agree more.

A blush tinged his cheeks. “I might’ve.”

“When do we leave?” you asked.

Eddie’s eyes lit up, a smile already growing. “We leave in three days.”

“I think I could do that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

The two of you stayed out there for another hour, quiet in your contentment. It was like you’d waited for something like this your entire life, always reaching towards something so pure. Your life felt like a series of endings, all hushed demolitions and bitterness tinging your skies. Now it felt as though this was the end to all the endings, a kingdom being rebuilt. And you didn’t mind to declare the man beside you the king.

I am including this amazing image that @strangergraphics designed for my fic (and she made the divider so full credit to her) of what the single would look like! Ugh, I love her. Anyways, here you go!

#Eddie munson #Eddie Munson x reader #Eddie Munson x you #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson angst #modern!eddie munson #modern!eddie x reader #Eddie Munson x female reader #boyfriend!eddie munson #rockstar!eddie #rockstar eddie munson #I can't believe I finally got this done

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aristocratic-otter · 3 months

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Welp, I wasn't going to post today...but then I realized that the final chapter of Heart in the Well will go up before Sunday, and that'll render the excerpt I carefully picked out obsolete by then. So I scrambled to pick bits from my other stories just so I could post this one excerpt. Go me!

The good news about Heart being done? I've got a new WIP plotted out that I'm super excited about, but I wouldn't let myself write anything until one of my WIPs finished. So next week or the week after, you should see the first words from that fic, a very very angsty Watford era canon divergence.

In the mean time, thank you to : @monbons, @messofthejess, @rimeswithpurple, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @best--dress,

@nausikaaa, @youarenevertooold, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @artsyunderstudy, @j-nipper-95, and

@facewithoutheart for the tags over the last two weeks. I'm having so much fun reading and watching your stories and art. This is such an incredibly talented fandom, it's endlessly inspiring. Plus, I get to meet some of you soon when I see Rainbow in August!

Here's my teasers for this week:

Here’s one from each of my official WIPs

From Saving Simon Snow:

I shake my head now, thinking about it. I’ll just have to keep close to Simon, or at least, as close as he’ll allow me. At least my vampire anatomy gives me an advantage there; I can listen to what’s happening with Simon from three rooms away (I won’t, unless it’s a matter of his safety. It’s a gross invasion of his privacy otherwise) (fortunately, I had to learn to tune out the chatter of my peers by my 2nd year at Watford, or I would have gone mad).

From the Heart in the Well

He looks back at me and then frowns. “Well, come on then,” he says, impatiently.

“Come on, what?” I say, exasperated. The water’s up to my breastbone now, and I’m starting to feel a little panicky, so my voice comes out higher pitched than I’d like.

Now, he rolls his eyes. “I need your tie,” he says as if it were obvious. It was not obvious. “Take it off, please.” At that, I shiver a little. I never thought there’d be a day where Simon Snow would be telling me to take off my clothes.

From Snow Fox: Penny, learning you can’t go home again (especially if you’ve signed on with the Snow Fox)

I step onto the road and walk briskly towards the house I grew up in. I can tell when I’ve been noticed. Several heads swivel my direction, and the murmur of conversation in the camp ceases. I keep on as if I haven’t noticed however. As I draw closer, I nod distractedly at some of the boys nearer to my path. They don't nod back. They’re watching me with narrowed eyes and I shudder internally. What do they see when they look at me?

From TikTok Dancer: Quite a bit racier than what I usually post, but still Tumblr legal, I think

Years from now, if I, for some odd reason, try to explain how my first time having sex felt, I won’t be able to. There’s no describing it. I’m planning to get a degree in words, for fuck’s sake, but right now, all language has left me, sailed back to England probably. I’m left with caveman grunts and desperate whines. Every particle of sensation in my body has gathered between my legs, and every atom of will I have left is devoted to an attempt to meld my body with his. I’ve almost succeeded–we’re nearly one creature now, moving in frantic, panting unison.

From Stars, Flowers, and Children,

I know he’s been looking for me. I know he’s probably forgiven my great sin. He shouldn’t. Forgiveness requires that the person who receives it is contrite, is sorry for what they’ve done.

I’m not sorry. I’d do it again today, if the circumstances were the same.

Even being estranged from the only person in this world that I care about is still better than the permanent separation that would result if we were rescued.

I believe that we’ll be friends again someday. Some day when the pain in my chest and stomach have dulled. And that day is worth waiting for.

From Cupid’s Shield:

I’m left gaping at where he just stood. It’s suddenly clear to me how much of his vampire abilities Baz has been hiding, because I was looking right at him.

I never saw him move.

All I know is suddenly he’s above me, and my arms are above my head and prisoned to the bed by his hands clamped around my wrists. I’m so stunned that I don’t even struggle.

His knees are on either side of my hips, and he’s staring down at me like I’m his next meal.

From my COBB project:

I know I should be worrying over tomorrow, and what my team will face out there. And I will be worrying over that—tomorrow. Tonight, I’m far more worried about the hours ahead. Hours of, once again, sharing a room with the only man I’ve ever loved. A man who’s never looked at me as anything other than a posh prick.

That’s my fault, of course. It could have been different, all those years ago, when we first met at Watford Uni. I was excited, back then, to meet my roommate. Excited, and nervous. I freely admit I’ve had a privileged upbringing, and this would be the first time I’d ever shared a room.

My childhood was mostly lonely, so I didn’t mind the idea. I’d thought it’d be nice to always have someone nearby to talk to.

Of course, everyone knows how that turned out.

As others have said recently, please let me know if you no longer want to be tagged and I'll take you off of my tag list. Unless I hear otherwise, I assume you're like me, and like to hear from people even if you're not feeling like sharing yourself.

Tags and cheers to: @chen-chen-chen-again-chen, @bazzybelle, @dragoneggos, @erzbethluna, @palimpsessed,

@frjsti, @fatalfangirl, @letraspal, @martsonmars, @melodysmash,

@moments-au-crayon22, @moodandmist, @mostlymaudlin, @onepintobean, @raenestee,

@tea-brigade, @upuntil6am, @whogaveyoupermission, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @krisrix,

@shemakesmeforget, @confused-bi-queer, @nightimedreamersghost, @thewholelemon, @angelsfalling16,

@noblecorgi, @hushed-chorus, @whatevertheweather, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @mooncello,

@wellbelesbian, @ic3-que3n, @shrekgogurt, @cosmicalart, @cutestkilla,

@theearlgreymage, @alexalexinii, @prettygoododds, @blackberrysummerblog, @bookish-bogwitch,

@Iamamythologicalcreature, @emeryhall, @larkral, @ileadacharmedlife, @thewholelemon

#co/ws/awtwb #wip wednesday #snowbaz #simon snow series #carry on through the ages #cotta 2023 #carry on reverse bang #egf 2024 #forced marriage au #marooned on an island au #Dancer Simon! au

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nerdyvocals · 1 year

Text

9 People to Know Better (except I'm not tagging 9 people)

I don't normally do tag games, but I got tagged in this twice (by @jealous-kippen and @remmixx, my beloveds <3) so here I am! (also as I'm writing this out I am realizing that while both posts were titled the same way, it looks like they had different question prompts??? So I'm just gonna combine the two)

Favorite Color: Purple! Any shade will have my heart but I am partial to more red-toned purples. (PV, if that means anything to anyone who sees this other than me, you know who you are)

Currently Reading: Three things! In terms of actual books, I've been slowly making my way through the Riordanverse since my university did The Lightning Thief in my second year (first school in my state to do it once the rights were released!) since I somehow never got into Percy Jackson as a kid, and I'm currently on Son of Neptune. I'm also one like my third or fourth re-read of Eurydice by Sara Ruhl, since that's the play I'm designing the costumes for for my senior project. And in terms of fanfic, I woke up to a notification about this yesterday and Actually Screeched.

Last Song: Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan (ft. Post Malone), which was a bit of an accident. I use siri to request music while I'm driving and I asked for Dial Drunk and was singing along until I got jumpscared by the slight difference before Post Malone's verse. Although if you look at my spotify, the ROTPL album has been on repeat for weeks.

Currently Watching (Series): I've been hyperfixated on ROTPL and have watched it over a dozen times at this point, which is probably not healthy, so I put on NCIS last night for background noise while I ate dinner and accidentally watched like six episodes.

Currently Watching (Movie): Saw the Barbie movie the night before the actual opening with my coworkers (We don't cross picket lines people! I was not asked nor invited by any company, and I paid full price for my ticket. There's a one-screen theatre in the town where I'm doing summer stock, this relic from the 50's, and they were able to get access to the film a day early and did a special first come first serve premiere.) and we all sobbed the entire way through.

Current Obsession: Rise of the Pink Ladies. Full stop. I'd seen clips of it when it first aired in April but I was iffy on it in spite of how good it looked. Like most, I'm a little tired of reboots and remakes, and while I did clock Cynthia as being queer within two seconds, (I believe my exact words were "That's either a very butch lesbian or the eggiest egg to ever egg.") I was Convinced it was a queerbait situation. Plus I was nearing finals and didn't have time to get into a new show. But then Crushing Me was trending on tiktok and I realized this was not queerbait, so I put it on to have something playing while I packed for summer stock and it's been the only thing I can think about since mid May. It got me writing fanfic again for the first time in years, if that tells you anything. Speaking of,

Currently Working On: A follow-up to my previous fic, Steady, Steady! I wanted to have it up this week, but it is a behemoth. I'm a little over halfway through my plot outline and I'm at 10,441 words. Fun fact, this will be my longest single-chapter fic so far. Not just in the fandom, not just on AO3, but ever (so far!)

No-Pressure Tagging: @merely-a-player, @penguin-writes-books, @el-fandom-birb, @marley-barnes112, @isweartheyregayyourhonor, and @look-at-those-niceass-rocks (since I've already dragged you back to tumblr kicking and screaming)

#tag game #this was fun #and also longer than I expected

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mychemicalgonzo · 2 months

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I originally turned to reddit about this, but reddit doesn't like trans people, and I just need reassurance/advice. So here's a copy pasted version of my original post, originally posted on r/advice. I really hope this gets to other trans people.

I (ftm 21) have known I wasn't cisgender since I was in 5th grade.

I explored gender a lot thanks to the internet, and in 6th or 7th grade I made a post on Tumblr asking old gender queer people for adivce, as I couldn't find a label for my gender that felt right. I accidentally left the post up on my computer, and my parents saw it. Both my parents are fairly conservative and right winged (they've gotten more conservative over the years), and were pretty upset. They sat me down and told me I would always be their daughter, my name would never be anything other than my deadname, and that this was all a phase. I decided to supress the feelings I felt, and continued to dress/act feminine for them. But there was this looming feeling in my chest that something was wrong about me body.

But as I got older, my transness became less easy for me to ignore. My freshman year of high school I cut off all my hair, and just at school with friends, started going by a different name. I made an alt Instagram where I posted about my transness somewhere my parents wouldn't be able to see. But, eventually, they found the account. Once again, they sat me down and angrily explained to me that I wasn't trans, that I was a girl, and would never be anything else. They once again told me it was a phase, and that the internet was telling me I was trans just because I'm "not like other girls". They told me to start exersizing, and once I lost weight I would stop thinking I was a boy.

That didn't help, though. Once again, I tried to conform to who they wanted me to be. But I was miserable. I forced myself to become hyperfeminine, and during Covid became an "e-girl" to try to conform. But every day I applied make up and put on skirts or put my hair down I'd start sobbing. Everything about my body felt wrong, but I had supressed the idea of me being transgender that I refused to think about it.

However, when I graduated high school, I came out as nonbinary on my TikTok and Instagram, and started going by all pronouns, saying I didn't care. My parents didn't bring it up, and I decided nonbinary was the closest I'd ever get to being myself.

Last year, though, I ranted to one of my friends about how much I craved being a guy. How seeing my chest or hearing my voice made me borderline suicidal, and how when people called me my deadname it just felt... wrong. He's also trans, and we talked about it for a while before I realized I'm actually transgender. Like, fully.

I socially came out as a trans man and started using my new (and current) name at college and with my friends, as well as online. I requested my new name and pronouns through my college, and they changed it in the system. My parents have never mentioned my name change or identity from online. Only three members of my family currently know I'm trans, and they've promised to keep it a secret until I'm ready.

So, basically everyone knows. Except for my parents (and my job, but becauss I work at a daycare I figured I'd be safer being in the closet so my job wouldn't be at risk due to harmful stereotypes and shit like that). After a little over a year of being out to everyone but them, hearing my deadname makes my skin crawl. Knowing my parents don't percive me as their son hurts, and it hurts even more knowing they never will.

But I'm so sick of being in the closet. I'm ready to start testosterone. I love the name I chose, and I'm ready to legally change it. But I don't make enough at my job to move out, and I don't want to risk going homeless or getting beat/killed. I can't pay for college on my own, since my dad pays for my tuition.

All that being said, it physically hurts to be in the closet. I want to rip the bandaid off, and finally feel the freedom of being myself. I'm just scared. But also, after all these years of seeing me be queer and talk about transness, how can they not know? My mom has even admitted to knowing I want chest surgery.

I feel so lost and scared. And I need help, because I don't know what to do and it's really bad on my mental health, especially right now.

#trans masc #transgender #trans #lgbt #lgbtqia #help #advice #queer #vent post #reddit

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mal3vol3nt · 3 months

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Hey first of all, I love your blog. In a world full of Anti-Aang nonsense. Aang, Kataang and (real) Katara positivity is refreshing to see.

Secondly, Kataang is one of my favorite ships, I love the friends to lovers trope and I think they’re peak friends to lovers. However someone argued that that they don’t work as friends to lovers for a bunch a reasons, namely because we supposedly don’t see much of the friendship part of it and because of Aang acting entitled in EIP.

I personally think that (aside from maybe two episodes) Aang and Katara’s more than friendship feelings for each other were able to exist quite comfortably within their close friendship, namely because they had a strong sense of mutual respect, admiration and appreciation for each other and neither demanded that they like the other back.

What do you think?

This is the post BTW:

https://www.tumblr.com/ecoterrorist-katara/753864289132134400/kataang-friends-to-lovers?source=share

awe thank you anon <3

it’s serious business being out here defending aang and katara from ridiculously shitty fandom takes but somebody’s gotta do it 😮‍💨

——

the claim that kataang doesn’t work as friends to lovers because their friendship wasn’t made obvious enough is INSANEEE. the only way you could possibly come to that conclusion is if you didn’t even watch the show and formed all your atla opinions by reading fandom discourse on tumblr or twitter or tiktok, because the literal first 3 episodes of atla are the set up and build of their series-long friendship

BOOK 1, EPISODE 1: “The Boy in The Iceberg”

Aang: “Will you go penguin sledding with me?”

Katara: [Awkwardly] “Uh, sure… I guess.” -> they end up penguin sledding. it becomes the first thing they do together and it’s literally just them having fun and making each other laugh and smile

—

Katara: “Why are you smiling at me like that?”

Aang: “Oh I was smiling?” [Flattered, Katara smiles back]

—

Aang: “Appa and I can personally fly you to the North Pole. Katara, we’re going to find you a master!” -> knew her for a few hours at this point and was already offering to take her across the world so she could accomplish her dream of being a waterbender

—

Katara: [Happily] “I haven’t done this since I was a kid!”

Aang: “You still are a kid!”

—

Aang: “A hundred years!” [Saddened by his new discovery.] “I can’t believe it.”

Katara: [Squats beside him.] “I’m sorry, Aang. Maybe somehow there’s a bright side to all this…”

Aang: [Cheerfully.] “I did get to meet you!”

Katara: [Smiling warmly at him while offering her hand.] “Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

BOOK 1, EPISODE 2: “The Avatar Returns”

Katara: [Protesting.] “Aang didn’t do anything! It was an accident!” / Aang: [Sorrowfully.] “Don’t blame Katara. I brought her there. It’s my fault.” -> selflessly defending each other

—

Katara: [Pleading.] “Grandmother, please. Don’t let Sokka do this!”

Kanna: [Gravely] “Katara, you knew going on that ship was forbidden. Sokka is right. I think it best if the airbender leaves.”

Katara: [Outraged.] “Fine! Then I’m banished too!” [Drags Aang away.] “Come on Aang, let’s go.” -> she’s only known him for a few hours at this point

—

[Zuko fires another blast at Aang, who twirls his staff once again to ward the attack off. Cut to a shot of the villagers, who cower as the flames stream through the air over their heads. Aang widens his eyes in horror at the sight of the frightened villagers and immediately ceases to defend himself.]

Aang: “If I go with you, will you promise to leave everyone alone?”

[After a brief moment of hesitation, Zuko erects himself and nods in agreement. Aang is apprehended by Zuko's men, who take his staff. Katara runs forward as they lead Aang away.]

Katara: [Sadly.] “No! Aang, don’t do this!”

Aang: [Surprisingly calm.] “Don't worry, Katara. It'll be okay.” [He gasps when he is shoved on the walkway. Katara's face contorts with sadness and fright.] “Take care of Appa for me until I get back.”

[Cut to a shot of the villagers looking up at the ship, Aang standing at the top of walkway. Switch to a more up-close shot of him smiling weakly, surrounded by Fire Nation soldiers.]

[Cut to shot of Katara who looks up, tears in her eyes, before changing back to a shot of Aang who now frowns as the bow rises and closes. The screen blacks out as the bow is locked into place with a thud.]

now why do yall think these shots focused specifically on katara’s reactions to aang being taken away rather than sokka’s or literally anyone else? could it be because her and aang had an already formed connection at that point, making her reactions much more pivotal? i think soooo

and i’ve seen people argue that katara was more so worried about her waterbending progress being interfered with rather than worrying for aang himself. and i have a question for the people who think that cause what??

is katara a compassionate and selfless person, or is she someone who is purely motivated by her own gain? is she someone who yearns to see the good in everyone and offers them her kindness, or is she someone who only judges others based on how they can serve her goals? cause she can’t be both

from what canon shows us, she is an insanely compassionate and selfless person. she holds so much anger yet is still able to see the human and hurt in people, even those who have wronged her and done horrific things [re: offering to heal zuko’s scar]. so when she is watching aang—the boy who has simultaneously brought her a taste of fun and hope—be taken away by the same nation that killed her mother, why would she only be worried about her waterbending progress?

BOOK 1, EPISODE 3: “The Southern Air Temple”

[In the background, Sokka is hunched over his rock, clenching his teeth together. Katara shouts calmly with a sad expression on her face. The camera slowly moves in on her.]

Katara: “Aang! I know you're upset and I know how hard it is to lose the people you love. I went through the same thing when I lost my mom.” [Diverts her eyes. Shot switches to a frontal view of Aang, his tattoos glowing and wind swirling around him; his clothes flutter in the storm. Sokka runs over to his sister in the background.] “Monk Gyatso and the other airbenders may be gone,” [Close-up of her as she looks up at him.] “but you still have a family. Sokka and I!” [Sokka opens his eyes and glances at his sister.] “We're your family now!”

this. this is the moment where aang and katara (and sokka—mind you) are permanently intertwined. they were initially able to relate on them both being benders, then it was the realization that they didn’t want to leave the other (katara protesting aang’s banishment and aang remorsefully leaving / katara going after zuko’s ship to rescue him), and now it’s their ability to relate to devastating loss. katara can relate to his grief at finding gyatso gone, and she can understand his turmoil at realizing the other airbenders were not given a more merciful fate. she does what she can to lessen his pain, at least for the moment, and tells him that despite his loss he is still not alone. he still has a place in the world with her and sokka

it is this moment that acts as the foundation for the deep connection her, aang, and sokka have throughout the entire series. they are friends and they are a found family. they care for each other on such a deep level. kanna says it herself in episode 2, “You both found him for a reason. Now your destinies are intertwined with his.”

and this connection does not lessen throughout the rest of the series, if anything, it gets stronger as they go through harrowing misadventures together and are forced into life-threatening situations where one or two of them have to work quick to save another’s life. if yall seriously think that them arguing/disagreeing or not being on the same page regarding emotional moments in their journey is a sign of their friendship not being strong then you’re actually just intentionally being obtuse

——

ive touched on my thoughts on the ember island players episode before and the whole interaction that went down between aang and katara during the intermission, but i don’t mind reiterating and maybe expanding on it a little

before i can dive in, we all gotta be in agreement that the eip play was yes, a satire meant to poke fun at the fandom, but was also an in-show racist and propaganda-filled depiction of the characters

outside of the show’s canon, aang was played by a woman to make a joke about how women always voice little boys in media. but in the show’s canon, aang being played by a woman was… say it with me, RACIST!! think about it, a play made and created for a fire nation audience chose to cast the sole survivor of a genocide their nation executed as a woman—fire nation sexism coming through hot—and portrayed him as ditzy. (and yes, i know that some male characters are often played by women because women are lighter and therefore easier to lift to portray flight—take peter pan for example—but this is clearly much more than that and i beg yall to not act obtuse in my replies/reblogs.) let’s not pretend like this casting choice wasn’t also an intentional slight at aang as not just the avatar but as an airbender. this is further emphasized when people laugh at aang being revealed as a woman. when colonizers decide to portray their victim as ditzy and incompetent in a play, don’t you think that’s a tell of the racist propaganda they’ve been fed by their nation? hmmm… i certainly think so. so when yall get mad at aang for his clear displeasure at being played by a woman, i beg yall to apply some critical thinking before just deciding to label him a sexist

katara’s character was also a racist portrayal. colonizers depicting their victim as a busty, sexualized crybaby who enters a relationship with their banished prince, and then having her vocalize that she could never be with the avatar, another victim of their colonialism, because he is like a brother to her. why do you think they would portray katara like this and have her say that specific line? could it be propaganda and some sort of racist fantasy to see a water tribe woman dress so provocatively and behave so helplessly? and then, in an effort to take another shot at aang’s legitimacy as a male (because again, aang and the airbenders did not follow normal gender conventions that were clearly present in the fire nation), they have the helpless water tribe character deny she could possibly have feelings for the likes of him and fall into the arms of fire nation royalty. hmmm, now why would colonizers perform a play where a colonized, marginalized woman enters a relationship with her colonizer? probably because it would be more entertaining—and dehumanizing—for their audience to witness a fetishized version of her entering a relationship with their prince. because regardless of his banishment, zuko is still of fire nation royalty and is, compared to aang and katara, of superior blood. give me a fucking break

i implore yall to use critical thinking when discussing why aang would have such a large reaction to a play that is consistently taking a shit on him as the avatar and, more importantly, as an airbender. cause yall do such a disservice to yourselves when you downplay aang’s reaction to him just throwing a jealous tantrum cause his character didn’t get to kiss katara’s character in the play

now onto their interaction:

BOOK 3, EPISODE 17: “The Ember Island Players”

Aang: “Katara, did you really mean what you said in there?”

Katara: “In where? What are you talking about?”

Aang: “On stage, when you said I was just like a ... brother to you, and you didn't have feelings for me.”

Katara: “I didn't say that. An actor said that.”

Aang: “But it's true, isn't it? We kissed at the Invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together. But we're not.”

Katara: “Aang, I don't know.”

Aang: “Why don't you know?”

here, aang is wanting some kind of clarification as to where katara stands on their relationship. he isn’t demanding that she feel the same as he does. he just wants to know for sure if there’s anything there considering they’ve kissed and nothing has risen from it. yes, he is obviously sad and dejected, but he is not demanding that katara return his affections. he just wants to have the conversation

(also, note how when aang brings up the actress saying that aang is like a brother to her and she has no feelings for him, katara chooses to deny that she ever said that rather than to simply take that as an opportunity to let him down had it been the actual truth. likely because it isn’t true—she does have feelings for him—but doesn’t want to take that jump yet)

Katara: “Because, we're in the middle of a war, and, we have other things to worry about. This isn't the right time.”

Aang: “Well, when is the right time?”

Katara: “Aang, I'm sorry, but right now I'm just a little confused.”

[Aang tries to kiss Katara.]

Katara: “I just said I was confused! I'm going inside.” [Exits the balcony.]

Aang: [Frustrated.] “Ugh, I'm such an idiot!” [Puts down his head on the balcony railing.]

here is where them being on two different pages becomes very obvious. aang wants clarity on their relationship whereas katara is unable to and hesitant to give him that because of everything going on around them. she is worried about the outcome of the war and doesn’t want anything to distract either of them from the bigger picture. a valid concern to have, mind you

allow me to bring up the crossroads of destiny for a moment. we all know what happened there: aang unlocked all his chakras and katara watched in awe as he, in the avatar state, rose above them all. she then watched in absolute horror and heartbreak as he was struck with lightening and fell—dead. she, in a hurry, created and rode on a large wave above the dai li to get to aang quickly, catching him in her arms and sitting brokenly on the floor, tears falling down her face. azula and zuko approached them and katara made no move to fight against them, her arms being preoccupied with aang’s body and her mind all over the place after watching her best friend die. had it not been for iroh’s interference, i’m sure it would have been the end for both aang and katara

outside while on appa, katara holds aang delicately to her as she gives him the spirit water and then proceeds to let out a sob as she hugs him to her. when aang groans, she gasps and pulls from him slightly, laying him down against appa’s fur so she can see his face. he opens his eye briefly, smiling at the sight of her and katara beams. her face is the definition of pure joy and relief

now what was the reason aang had to master the avatar state midst battle? why were his chakras not fully unlocked at that time? he left to go save her. he had been in the process of letting her go before he got distracted by the vision of her in danger and had promptly turned away. it wasnt until the battle with zuko and azula was coming to a defeat that he knew he had to master the avatar state now. which led to azula shooting him while rising in the avatar state

obviously, katara wouldn’t be aware that this happened, but the message was still clear. aang’s feelings for katara had gotten in the way of him mastering the avatar state at the safety of the eastern air temple, interfering with his destiny and leading to him mastering it whilst in the midst of battle—resulting in the death of the avatar. katara refusing to enter a relationship with aang or even to have that important conversation with him before the end of the war due to her fear that it’d be a distraction was real and valid

not only that, but katara had already watched him die before and was lucky to have the spirit water at hand. if aang were to get fatally injured anytime between then and during the battle with ozai, there’d be nothing to bring him back. he’d be gone permanently. it’s no wonder why katara was choosing to put all her energy and focus into ending the war because any distraction or moment of weakness could’ve meant the end for aang, who was the one destined to either stop the war or die trying. it was truly life or death for him, so of course katara chose to put anything not pertinent to the war ending on the back burner

aang, on the otherhand, had died during the crossroads of destiny without telling her how he felt. he was so close to leaving the world without letting her know how much he cared for her that he didn’t want to make the same mistake again. therefore, he thought it better to reveal all his cards to her which she obviously wasn’t ready for. he wanted to be in love and bask in whatever time he had with her left if the worst case scenario became reality

unfortunately, this disconnect in their approaches to what happened back in ba sing se resulted in them stepping on each other’s toes and behaving awkwardly around each other, with aang dejected at the lack of clarity on her feelings and katara avoiding the conversation due to her own confusion at the mix of her feelings—having feelings for him but also being fearful of being with him for the reasons stated above. this culminated in aang misreading the situation, as they’ve kissed spontaneously before, and kissing her during this interaction. katara gets rightfully upset, leaves, and aang groans in frustration at himself for being such an idiot

aang made a stupid, stupid mistake and no longer pursues her after this interaction. their difference in approaches to their feelings has met its culmination and now they’re at a standstill. aang does not demand—nor has he ever demanded—that katara be with him. the conversation about where they stand with each other is dropped, as now both of them must focus on sozin’s comet.

at the end of “Sozin’s Comet, Part 4: Avatar Aang”, katara and aang share a final kiss. before that, aang goes outside the jasmine dragon by himself to gaze upon the setting sun. katara follows after him and aang gives her a smile. the two embrace each other, opening their eyes to gaze longingly at the other before separating to look at the setting sun together. katara then turns to aang, aang turns to her in return. she leans in and kisses him, cupping his face, and aang kisses back. he leans into the kiss and katara wraps her arms around his neck

katara was the one to take the initiative in their final kiss. she was the one to start their post-series relationship, which we all know resulted in marriage and 3 children

——

kataang does fit the friends to lovers plot line since they started off as friends with intertwined destines and became more. it just so happened that they developed feelings for each other during the course of their adventures, and these feelings clashed with the realities of the war they were at the frontlines of, resulting in miscommunications and mistakes

now, you don’t have to like kataang. that’s completely fine, but to suggest that they don’t fit a trope that they’re literally the definition of is crazzyyyy. cmon, please just watch the show before forming your opinions

#atla #avatar the last airbender #kataang #pro kataang #katara #katara atla #aang #avatar aang #atla aang #anti zutara #i guess #since i’m sure the people making these claims are zutara stans lol

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courtana · 1 month

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https://www.tumblr.com/staytrueblue/759888268499222528?source=share

reblogging stolen gifs yet again stolen from jay (collinnmckinley)

It’s time for her big cod blog mutuals to call her out and actual apologies. This shit is not okay.

this is infuriating. time and time again, we've asked people in the cod fandom not to repost our gifs without permission & credit. @staytrueblue knows this too because we've spelled it out to her before she blocked @collinnmckinley and refused to take actual accountability for her stealing. but looks like she's at it again, and of course, this fandom does not give a fuck.

honestly, the fact that @kittykittyneowmeow69's text post with Jay's stolen gifs (i really hope she does the right thing and heeds @deadbranch's words to either add credit or to better yet remove the stolen gif) received more than 100 notes shows how fucked this fandom's culture is with regard to respecting the creative work of others. that includes traditional & digital artists, 3d render makers, graphic designers, gifmakers, and, yes, also writers. anyone who produces any creative work of their own in this fandom has been fucked over somehow.

and of course, bigger blogs—whom i won't name—have posted publicly and loosely stated "oh, i spoke with straytrueblue and i feel that she's learned from her mistakes from the past and we shouldn't stay upset with her. it was a misunderstanding on her part blah blah." i appreciate the fandom wanting to find amicability and peace and not end up breaking into more factions. especially nowadays where cyberbullying and harassment feel like they're at an all-time high in this fandom. but it shouldn't be at the expense of the people who were actually wronged by theft and dishonesty. some random blog with clout shouldn't be the one to absolve staytrueblue of all the gifs she's stolen from not just Jay but from other call of duty gifmakers as well! that's between the gifmaker in question and the person caught stealing to settle.

it's up for gifmakers who were wronged by blue to decide whether we should forgive her, not for other blogs who don't produce visual graphics just because 'oh it seems like she's nice and i like her smut fics idk why we're mad at this girl waahhh.' and by the looks of it, it seems like staytrueblue has not learned her lesson in terms of actually treating gifmakers with basic respect and being willing to dialogue with them. and this is why literally every call of duty gifmaker i've spoken to has said they resent this fandom for how they're treated. just yesterday, we had a white man pretending to be a MOC harassing [primarily latina & asian] gifmakers on his instagram, twitter, tiktok, and tumblr accounts (yes all of them) since we asked him to take down stolen gifs [source] [source] [source]. rather than learn from this and spread awareness about this recurring issue, people go on their merry day.

and because this behavior only seems to be getting worse from cod fans, every gifmaker i know feels discouraged from making more gifs. why continue to make gifs—even if we do love the process—for a group of immature people who don't know how to apologize or learn from their previous wrongdoings and view your art and creative labor as unimportant? don't be surprised if people stop making gifs and you have no one else to steal from.

#anonymous #messages #dude idk why i'm even with you fucks #idc anymore about this bloated over-commercialized lowkey racist video game franchise (minus zombies at this point)#and much less for this fandom of girls who suffer from clinical levels of cognitive dissonance #but my god do i get annoyed as fuck when people steal gifs — especially my friends' gifs #gif thief #gif stealing

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currymanganese · 11 months

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I sad. I saw a sydcarmy post on Instagram and the comments were saying that they were brothers, syd was a lesbian (wtf???) and that if anyone there had feelings it was her and not him... I left there very sad 😪😔

Idk what else to say other than - you may want to steer clear of The Bear related fan spaces apart from here on Tumblr, on TikTok, and some corners of Twitter. Many fan spaces on Reddit, Facebook and IG etc. are dominated by casual fans that either a) gloss over Sydney's importance to Carmy, or b) outright hate her because of their own unchecked biases. So if these fans can get away with it they'll argue and downplay the possibility of a romantic relationship developing between the show's leads even if it doesn't align with what we've seen so far on the show.

1. Refuting the first claim "they're like brothers":

In addition to baselessly masculinizing Sydney (a common manifestation of misogynoir) - this claim ignores the fact that Carmy does not treat his siblings the way he treats Sydney, in any given regular moment with his brother and sister, he casually trades barbs with them, curses and verbally fights them. In S1 when Nat tells him the IRS is threathening to seize her house, because of all Mikey's unpaid business taxes, Carmy bitterly and bluntly tells her she shouldn't have cosigned for an addict. Now, mind you, Carmy was under a lot of stress and grieving himself in that moment, but it shows a lack of sensitivity to Nat's feelings / a lack of fear of pushing her away emotionally, "blood is thicker than water" after all and by the end of the episode he and his sister smooth things over.

Also in S2 in Fishes after Mikey makes a comment to Donna that Carmy perceives as Mikey being passive aggressive towards him - "get Carmy to help you, all he does is help." Carmy lashes out at Mikey (his beloved hero of an older brother/father figure mind you) and, to paraphrase, he says (possibly parroting the vitriol that Uncle Lee regularly wields against Mikey) that all Mikey does is make plans and come up with businesses that fail. When stressed Carmy can resort to very low blows against his siblings at the slightest provocations - and in the way that siblings often are - he is not overly concerned about hurting their feelings in these moments, or about running the risk of driving them away permanently.

In contrast, even when (on paper anyways) Syd was just his employee in S1, whenever Carmy loses his temper with Sydney (over the stock that Tina secretly sabotages, and over Syd's eagerness to have her dish approved for the menu) he is on pins and needles when he senses she is withdrawn and unhappy with him in response. He goes out of his way to try to apologize to her - checking in with her by bringing her a meal and prying into what's bothering her in Brigade, and by asking her if THEY are okay again at the end of episode 6. As early as episode 3 in season 1, Brigade, Carmy begins outright referring to himself and Sydney as a "We" - "We wanna change this restaurant, right? We need to change the chemistry." He confides that he's going to Al-anon to Syd in this same episode even before he tells his sister Natalie in episode 4, even though Nat was the one that asked him to go in the first place! And this is after knowing Sydney for a few weeks, maybe even for a month at most!

And in the most startling demonstration of why Carmy does not think of Sydney as a sister, when she leaves in Review after he rages at her, he is despondent - distraught even - he caresses her notebook that she left behind, he wistfully tells Tina that she is dressed like Syd when she finally dons the staff uniform (that everyone wears, including him), he almost burns the restaurant down and makes no move to get the fire under control, and he verbally chides possibly Mikey AND himself for being stupid before opening Mikey's suicide note - AND desperately tries to touch base / reconnect with Syd through text before he opens Mikey's note.

If Syd is like a sister to him, why didn't he reach out to Natalie via text first to let her know he was about to open Mikey's note? Why did he need to know Syd wouldn't ignore him to get the courage to open that envelope? Why does he worry that he may offend Syd by having Mikey's note on the expo in S2, so much so that he delegates Richie to have that conversation with her in Bolognese instead? Why can't he talk to her about something like that himself? Is he afraid of exposing himself by getting too personal with her, like he wanted to in their alley talk in Brigade?

To say nothing of the intensity with which he gazes at Sydney, before nearly always looking away when she looks at him too. What brother feels guilty and self conscious about being caught staring at their sister? And lastly, Carmy bluntly reprimanded his sister for cosigning for Mikey's debts in Season 1, but by Season 2 he and Natalie are jointly jumping 800k, plus interest, into debt to Cicero to open Carmy and Mikey's (but really it's for Sydney!)'s dream restaurant - and he tells Sydney the whole thing is for her in so many words, "Family style? Two tops, booths?" and, "I couldn't do this without you, I wouldn't even wanna do this without you.", and last, but not least, "It's your ship now, Captain." And before they open their doors for Family and Friends night, Syd validates Carmy's affections for her by reassuring him and his family with the mantra that Mikey left behind in the note that Carmy worried that Syd would've been uncomfortable with having on her workstation.

"Let it rip."

Only the note said, "Love you dude, let it rip." Syd wouldn't tell them the first part, "Love you dudes-" for good reason.

Can Syd tell Nat that she loves her and have things remain platonic between them? Syd may think it would be too over familiar to say now since she hasn't known her for long, but yes, things would remain platonic and sisterly between her and Nat if she said that she loved her. Can Syd tell Richie that she loves him and have things remain platonic between them? They were at loggerheads in S1 and have come to have an awkward level of comfort and respect with one another, with Richie telling her father how important she has become to the restaurant (but really, how important she has become to the Berzattos), so yes, if Syd ever told Richie that she loved him in passing in the future, things could still conceivably remain platonic and fraternal/sororal between them. However, as their relationship stands now, can Syd tell Carmy that she loves him and have things remain platonic and comfortable/affable/sexually neutral between them?

NO! SHE CAN'T!

AND THAT'S BECAUSE THIS UNSPOKEN THING BETWEEN SYD AND CARMY IS NOT SIBLING BEHAVIOUR!

AND SYD IS NOT ANOTHER NATALIE BERZATTO, NOR IS SHE CARMY'S SURROGATE FOR MIKEY! 🗣

From personal experience, I have two beloved older brothers and one of them is even a father figure to me, similar to the way that Carmy adored and looked up to Mikey, but I can assure you that they would not jeopardize their livelihoods to appease me after a disagreement or period of estrangement to make my dreams come true to the tune of going almost US$1,000,000 into debt! Carmy has never demonstrated normal platonic/fraternal regard towards Sydney, NEVER! Like @gingerylangylang1979 said, he wants her carnally, he's in love!

2. Syd's sexuality:

And as for Syd being a lesbian? Some of us Sydcarmy girlies hashed out our skepticism over this assumption in the replies of @cruciomione ' s post here. If Syd was a lesbian, if she had not even an iota of romantic affection and desire for Carmy, and her desire to work with him was only attached to her professional regard for him, then she could've left immediately after episode one when Carmy aired out that the business was failing in his argument with Richie

- and nobody would be able to blame her if she never looked back.

Regardless of whether she was consciously in love with him or not at the time, it took no small measure of selflessness, combined with faith in Carmy's skills as a chef and deep compassion for him as a person, for Syd to want to stay with Carmy and help him sort out the mess that was The Original Beef. Carmy was in way over his head. Sydney has seen Carmy at his worst and because he is currently so embattled with unprocessed trauma, grief, stress, and mental illness, and because she is already extremely capable as a chef and former business owner herself, he has not proven himself to be the mentor that she would've been hoping for when she first came to stage at The Beef, but she still chooses him time and time again. It would make sense if she stays and is so devoted to him and the idea of partnering with him to operate his family's restaurant, if her fidelity is partly due to her having feelings for him.

3. Only Syd is attracted to Carmy:

WRONG! See Points 1 and 2 (why they're not like brother and sister/ why it's unlikely that Syd is a lesbian) and also try to explain why a man without feelings for a woman, a man without curtains in his apartment or proper storage for his beloved denim collection would go exponentially deeper into debt to open a dream restaurant with said woman he supposedly has no feelings for, a woman he has known for a year at most, no less! And also explain why (if he has no feelings for her) he'd procure an expensive custom monogrammed designer chef jacket for her even when he left all his other (ACTUAL) work obligations to her undone all season long?? You can't explain it unless his interest in her is not exclusively altruistic and professional, and unless his personal fondness for her and her importance to him (as a woman he is deeply ATTRACTED TO) is superseding everything else he should be caring about, even their own business and his new girlfriend herself.

Only Syd is attracted to Carmy?? But I thought they said she was a lesbian? She can't be a card carrying Kinsey 6 lesbian AND have unrequited love for him at the same time. Antis have to make up their minds, which is it? At the end of the day, Syd still manages to focus on her job despite her possible attraction to Carmy, she doesn't let her feelings distract her from her goals, but Carmy on the other hand is absolutely crushed when he can't make good on his promises he made to her in Omelette, and begins rapidly spiralling downward in the S2 finale accordingly, even before Claire breaks things off with him.

Carmy undoubtedly has feelings for Sydney, otherwise why would he be so frantic when she didn't come to him when he screamed for her from the walk-in the S2 finale? He is deathly afraid of upsetting her and letting her down AND losing her again. His mind is addled for sheer love of her, he is grappling with emotions he is yet to fully understand.

P.S. If you've read this long post, thank you and allow me to shamelessly plug one of my relevant edits 🥰

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flxrartsstuff · 10 months

Text

Dressing Up 👔

Nanamixfem!Reader OneShot, 18+

Author‘s note: This idea came up in my mind when I saw a TikTok actually. A cosplayer dressing up as Nanami and I imagined how it would be if you could wake up to this every morning, watching Nanami getting ready for work in front of you. This is also my first post here on tumblr and I hope you give this one a try!

・❥・

I blinked a few times as I was about to wake up and the bright light from the window was already making me squint again. But I didn't feel anyone next to me, the side of the bed was empty, whereas yesterday I had fallen asleep comfortably in my husband's arms. I turned around and saw him standing by the mirror, right next to the bed. And I liked the view so much that I was suddenly wide awake.

»Do you have to leave so early?« I asked the blonde, still sleepy, and turned onto my side, resting my head on the pillow with one hand. He turned around as soon as he heard my voice and reached for his beige pants to pull them over his ankles. His eyes locked on mine and I couldn't look away.

»Early? Look at the clock.« He grinned, nodding his head towards the digital clock on his bedside table. It clearly showed 7:00 in the morning. Definitely too early for me and too soon for him to have to go to work. I would have liked to ask him to undress again and lie with me. To warm me up like last night. I was still naked, with only the comforter pulled up to my neck, I could still feel his touch on me and his kisses. He had taken me so many times until we had both fallen asleep in each other's arms. My legs were still trembling from the intense touches, because of his hands that had impatiently pushed my thighs apart and had made me feel his hard manhood. I had lolling under him, moaning and begging for more. His every thrust was still felt in my nether regions, even though he was already on his feet this morning and getting ready for the day.

My gaze slid from his legs up to his chest as he slipped the blue shirt over his shoulders that I had ironed yesterday. His pants were still open, giving me a glimpse of his Calvin Klein boxers. Always a man with style. He was never satisfied with cheap shorts and always bought clothes that were much more expensive. I liked to rip his shirt off every time and do the same with his boxers. When he gave me the upper hand. His eyes were on me, as if we were just talking with our gazes. And we both knew that he wanted to continue where we had left off yesterday. His eyes were clouded with lust, dark and distorting. He bit his lip lightly as if to say, »You're unbelievable.«

I grinned and let out a long sigh as he fastened the last button of his shirt, ending the view of his chiseled pecs for the time being. Our looks were worth a thousand words. I read in his eyes the same words I had heard him say last night.

»Fuck, baby, you're incredible. A little more, I want all of you. I want to be even deeper inside you.«

»Oh God yes...« It was as if I could hear the two of us doing it together without restraint. How loud we must have been, so that all the neighbors already knew us. The bed, which banged violently against the wall with each of his thrusts, the head of which he constantly held on to in order to thrust into me with even more momentum. I could still feel him inside me, his hard length twitching deep inside me, hitting every sensitive spot inside me and eliciting loud cries of pleasure.

»Kento...don't stop...just don't stop...« I had moaned, digging my fingers into his back, which had long since turned red and was covered in scratches.

»Stop?« He had repeated amusedly, pulling back only to thrust again with full force. »I'm just getting started...«

One climax followed the next until my nether regions were melting with heat. I screamed his name countless times, spurring him on. My hands kept burying themselves in his hair and pulling on it. When I looked up at him now, I saw a neatly trimmed hairstyle. He pushed the shirt into his pants and his hands wandered purposefully down to his crotch. I could only watch as he zipped it up agonizingly slowly, as if he wanted to show me again what to expect tonight. I couldn't hold back an excited sigh, even when he tightened the belt around his hips.

»Such a naughty thing...« he replied quietly as he grabbed his watch and clasped it around his wrist. I had given it to him for Christmas last year and he's worn it every day since then. It slid so easily over his wrist and drew my attention to his masculine and strong hands, whose fingers I had felt deep inside me as well last night. He wanted to tease me and feel me, wanted to taste me and had even made me suck on his fingers so that I could taste my own moisture and arousal. He knew how to drive me out of my mind.

Every of his moves were perfect. His morning routine seemed so elegant and efficient despite its simplicity. He smelled of his aftershave, which would have put me to bed long ago if I hadn't already been here. My thighs pressed together violently, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling a warm, aroused trail on my pussy. I liked undressing him, but watching him get dressed had an equally attractive effect on me. All that was missing now was for me to start drooling. Of course, Kento took full advantage of this. When he had fastened the buttons on the sleeves, he reached for his tie, with its unmistakable leopard pattern. It was still hanging on my right hand, lightly wrapped, reminding me of what had happened yesterday.

»You’re only mine. Understand?« His voice had been so dark when he had tied his tie around my wrists. So I had been completely at his mercy, throwing my head back with a moan and giving myself over completely. My hands were tied tightly to the bed above my head as he playfully ran his tongue up my thigh and then between my legs. He played around my clit, licked me and sucked on my womanhood. I had reared up in excitement, thrown my head back, rolled my eyes and opened my mouth so wide that nothing but moans and whimpers came out.

»Fuck…« I breathed out, not able to say anything else. But it wasn’t enough for him. Of course it hadn't been enough for him. And as long as he hadn't had his answer, he would delay my orgasm until he had heard what he wanted.

»Understand?« he repeated with emphasis in his voice, stopped sucking on my clit as I loved it and looked at me. I had looked down at my legs, his head between my thighs, my arousal on his lips.

»Yes, oh God, yes! I'm yours, Kento.« I had whimpered in desperation that I wouldn't have recognized myself. My hips wanted to grind against his mouth again, but he laughed softly to himself as he leaned closer to me again. His voice beat against my pussy and sent a thousand shivers through my body.

I could still feel the tremors from my climax and clenched my thighs even tighter. But nothing helped, so I hurriedly jumped off the bed and at least helped him with his tie. Maybe that would distract me a little.

»Let me, will you?«

He grinned, snuggled closer to me and placed his hands loosely on my hips. But he let me do it and watched my every move. I knew how to tie a tie, he had shown me often enough. But instead of it calming or distracting me, I thought back to last night. When I had been able to experience control for a moment, when I had sat on him and ridden him without hesitation. I grinned broadly, adjusted his tie and straightened his shirt collar.

»What are you thinking of?« he asked me amused.

»Oh God, yes...« He had moaned beneath me, hot-blooded and uninhibited. Had constantly thrust his hips against mine in unison, making me sink him even deeper inside me each time. I had moved slowly at first, then faster and faster on him, riding his cock with such impatience until another climax had built up in my abdomen. I felt him twitching and quivering inside me, felt that he was almost as far as I was. I had stretched my back, my breasts bouncing with every thrust and his hands dug into my hips.

»Fuck, I‘m cumming…oh god, I‘m cumming!«

»Cum for me…« he had growled darkly, sending me finally over the edge. I couldn’t stop grinning, moaning, letting everything out what I had felt in this moment. His hips continued to move for a while, I was still rubbing my wet pussy against his cock to savor every last spark of my orgasm. I could feel him quivering and cumming inside me too. Growling and moaning, his hands sunk firmly into my flesh. Something I loved besides letting him lead me was turning the tables on him. To see the excitement and lust on his face as I moved on top of him and the desperate need for release.

And as soon as I had sunk into the pillows next to him, his arms had wrapped around me and we had sunk into a deep and satisfying sleep. At least until this morning, which brought me back to the reality. Even though, as he took his jacket and left the flat with a kiss on my lips, I still couldn't think about anything else but how I would take off all his clothes tonight as slowly and efficiently as he had put them on.

#NanamixReader #kento x reader #kento x y/n #kento x you #jjk nanami #jjk smut #nanami x y/n #fanfic #smut #nanami kento #nanami kento x y/n #nanami smut #nanami kento smut

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