#like yes cis people can play trans characters. but it is very subjective if they can do it well. Or should. As opposed to like actual trans

[synthetic-sonata]

it is a good day to not know anything about smps

[lambdalibrary]

June 15th Manhunt

[Image ID: The cover of Manhunt by Gretchen Felker-Martin. The background is mostly black with a vertical red stripe on the right reading "the end of the world is nuts." The cover features a pair of plums in plastic red netting. The left plum has a bite taken out of it and it is dripping. There are four quotes on the cover. The top one reads "a razor-sharp novel" by Meg Elison, the left one reads "fun as hell" by Torrey Peters, the right one "Brilliant" by Gabino Iglesias, and the bottom one "a modern horror masterpiece" by Carmen Maria Machado. End ID.]

Triggers

Transmisogyny, transphobia (including deadnaming, slurs, and misgendering), TERFS and TERF rhetoric, cannibalism, rape, suicide, hate crimes, self harm, fatphobia, mentions of eating disorders, antisemitism, racism, animal death, just...lots of gore, I'm not sure of the exact phrasing but there are scenes of coerced sex work

I honestly still feel like I'm missing a lot...

Almost all of these are extremely graphic especially the transmisogyny and rape, please please be careful and take breaks if you decide to read this book. I would say it is worth it if you enjoy it, but this book is just a constant wave of triggers, meaningfully deployed, but there all the same.

Summary

Manhunt is a visceral horror and apocalyptic novel, following five point of view characters as they struggle to survive a ravaged world and its burgeoning societies. The world ended years ago, as anyone with a high enough amount of testosterone fell victim to a virus turning them into unthinking monsters. Estrogen becomes a valuable commodity that Indi is valuable for being able to synthesize. Beth and Fran navigate the new world as trans women as TERFS rapidly climb up the coast towards them and assert their power and ideology. Ramona is one of those TERFS and a chaser, high up in the new matriarchy. Robbie is one of the few men left alive as a trans man, unable to continue testosterone and running from himself and everyone else in a haze of dissociation.

Link

No copy on the openlibrary, as the book came out literally months ago, but you can order it from the publisher and read an except here

Gretchen Felker-Martin's Patreon where you can support her and find her other works

Review

Two disclaimers first: one, I am TME or transmisogyny exempt which I feel is important to state considering the subject matter of the novel and sometimes its relation to issues between trans women. And two, I am cheating a little bit because I am 50 odd pages away from actually finishing the novel but unless something changes within those pages I'm still confident in recommending it, although I may miss some triggers in those last few pages.

Anyways! I love this book so much! It's exactly up my alley, considering its another LGBT (emphasis on the T) horror book that's yes, very political with both aspects influencing and strengthening each other. Manhunt is a gender plague novel, a term coined by I want to say Ana Mardoll, which is an apocalyptic/dystopian/sometimes in the more TERFy entries a "utopian" novel where either all men or all women disappear due to a virus, magic, any kind of method. They're usually very focused on biological sex (think men disappearing because of their Y chromosome) and very cisgendered (not even stopping to consider that there are people with Y chromosomes who aren't men). Think Y the Last Man or if you've played it, the Lisa series of games. This genre is usually meant to examine patriarchy or the lack of it, the relationships between men and women, and what happens when you're either the last man or the last woman on Earth.

This is a premise that quickly becomes transmisogynstic, as many novels where all the men disappear focus on presumed inherent biological violence that goes with them and trans women and transfems, if they are acknowledged at all, are considered collateral damage as all the cis women left rejoice in sisterhood. If it sounds like I'm rallying against a specific book, well, maybe I am :). This is the premise Manhunt directly engages with from a trans woman's perspective. This is why I was excited to read this book and it delivers on every front and more.

Felker-Martin is an amazing writer, and shes specifically adept at action scenes and gore and visceral prose. And because of that, this is a hard book to read, and I would only recommend it if you're up for it and if you really enjoy horror. But if you are, it's so worth it.

This is a book horrifying, violent, and shocking for all the right reasons, releasing at the right time. Violence against trans people and especially trans women in reality continues to increase, especially from the government. Manhunt imagines the bloody end of these rhetorical and yes, often physical, attacks, with transmisogynists and TERFs in power given free reign. The specific references towards real people and events may eventually make the novel dated, they also ground the reader to the violence that already exists. That there is horror in existence without monsters, that the violence in the novel is the endgoal for both fictional and non fictional TERFs.

And while this violence is the central conflict of the novel, this is a novel about resistance, about fighting back in a world that feels lost, fighting back because of those losses. About keeping your principles from the old world into the new.

Please read Manhunt.

[layercake]

Why Naoto is Heavily Trans Coded, and How The Discussion Surrounding Him Needs to Change

Hello, I’ve never written or posted anything like this before LOL so this is a bit daunting. But this subject is something that’s been bothering me for a long time, and I wanted to get it out somewhere. So let’s talk about how Naoto Shirogane is heavily trans coded, and how the fandom has a problematic culture surrounding the issue that really needs to change.

Tw // discussion of misogyny , transphobia , and mentions of harassment

Initial Shadow Confrontation 

Since the discussion is most often about what’s “canon” and what’s not, let’s first take a look at what the game actually does give us about Naoto’s character. During the confrontation with Naoto’s shadow, we learn that Naoto idolized detectives as a kid, and wanted to be one himself when he was older.

However, this posed a problem for him in multiple ways. One, he was (is) still a child, and the people in his field don’t take him seriously because of it. He tries desperately to escape this fact, to try and act as mature as possible, but ultimately he can’t change how others will perceive him at his age.

This is what the shadow confrontation focuses on most heavily. But then it switches to discussing the other part of the issue-- the fact that Naoto’s ideal image of a detective is a man, and he “isn’t.” 

At the end, Yukiko says “You must know already that what you yearn for isn’t to become an adult or to become a boy,” and Naoto accepts it. This is what most people point to when saying that Naoto can’t be trans, because he agrees that it wasn’t what he wished for. So, easy, right? If you take this as him telling the truth, then it looks like an open and shut case-- he isn’t trans. But Naoto’s actions don’t really fit what he says here. 

The issue starts with these next lines (below) in particular. To me, Naoto’s tone in the first line is regretful, and doesn’t strike me as a sentiment someone who is cisgender would necessarily hold. Why would he want to “change into a man?” To fit his ideal image of a detective? As he says here, yes.

(Real quick before I continue, it’s not clear in the dialogue screenshot but it’s important to note that Naoto does say “yes” to Yukiko’s question about him not liking being a girl. He nods his head)

The narrative that the game tries to go with after this is that the “ideal image” Naoto wanted to live up to, including the male aspect of it, was unattainable and formed primarily because he felt that was the only way he could be a detective. 

But, is this really that much of a problem? We all look up to certain types of people, people that we want to be like-- and for many, this can factor into gender identity as well. If Naoto really just wanted to be a cool, male detective, that doesn’t at all negate that being trans would be a part of that for him. 

Naoto’s other words and actions, as well as the framing of this scene as a whole, make the scenario feel a lot less believable to me for multiple reasons. Naoto never initiates the conversation that him wanting to be a boy is incorrect-- Yukiko does. Naoto isn’t even the one to trigger his shadow-- Kanji does that. Naoto had a lot less agency in a lot of these decisions than the other characters did with their shadows. 

Naoto’s Continued Actions

The fragility of the narrative Atlus put together for Naoto continues to grow throughout the rest of the game, due to the way he behaves after the initial shadow confrontation.

For starters, it’s implied that Naoto is not his birth name, something that i think a lot of people either miss or forget about-- and yet he continues to go by it throughout the course of the game. We never find out his deadname and he never expresses a desire to share it with anybody.

The day after the “reveal,” Naoto doesn’t change anything about his appearance, mannerisms, or how he presents himself. He honestly seems uncomfortable with the fact that everyone has found out, in a way that felt much like being outed to the whole school, as opposed to finally being seen and accepted for who you “really” are.

I understand that such a drastic shift in people’s perception of you would be overwhelming to anybody, no matter if you were cis or not. But if Atlus really wanted to hone in on the idea that Naoto was happy about this change, they could’ve at least made him…. Well, happy about it. Even if it was just a small smile, just a tiny indication of relief even despite how hard it will be to adjust, it would’ve made it at least a little more believable that this is what he really wanted.

But that’s not the case. Instead, he’s uncomfortable, he still binds, he still wears the school’s male uniform, and he still goes by Naoto. The only time any of this actually changes is if you as the protagonist push him to, which… is a whole other mess.

The fact that Naoto has even gotten to this point, though, speaks more volumes to me than anything else. Passing is not easy. Coming out is not easy. Naoto would have had to go through difficult lengths in order to get not only his school, but the country and media to see him as a man.  He’s a well-known "detective prince".. someone was bound to look up his records and find out about it. That's a huge risk to take.

In addition to this, he binds. He goes by masculine pronouns and a masculine name. He very audibly changes his voice to be more masculine. I don’t know how to tell you this, but this is just…. not something cis people do? At least not comfortably. 

In fact, doing all of this would have been incredibly uncomfortable for Naoto if he was cis. As someone who experiences dysphoria, looking like and being seen as a gender you are not can be really, really painful. If transitioning was something he really didn’t want, why would he put himself through all of that? Was it really to escape misogyny? Me asking this isn’t minimizing the issue at all, because I understand that it’s incredibly serious and hard for countless women. But I would generally think someone’s first reaction to facing misogyny isn’t to… completely change their identity and present as a different gender.

On top of being probably the hardest option of escaping misogyny available to him, and one of the most uncomfortable, presenting as a man doesn’t necessarily get rid of any prejudices Naoto may face. In fact, I would argue that it’s considerably more dangerous. Especially in a rural town like Inaba, where people seem to not really understand or approve of being LGBT. Naoto is smart, he would have thought of all of this. So why?

Inherent Transphobia of Naoto’s Arc 

There is something to be said about how much misogyny is present in Japan’s workforce, especially in fields like Naoto’s, and the importance there is in discussing that. The base idea behind his struggles and message isn’t inherently a bad one, but the way the game went about it was problematic because it put down transgender identities in the process.

The first time I watched Naoto’s shadow confrontation, it was really distressing to me. The game continuously repeats the idea that you can’t “cross the barrier of the sexes,” that Naoto “can never really be a man,” and  that “you can change your name, but you can never change who you “really” are.” I hope I don’t need to explain why this is a problem.

Naoto’s wish to be a man, regardless of what was driving it, is depicted as something temporary and childish. Something that Naoto “didn’t really want,”  something that was just an excuse to run away from the misogyny he was facing. Even if it was unintentional, this message is incredibly harmful to transgender people.

It would have been a better and much more coherent message about misogyny if the writers had steered clear of trans themes entirely. In fact, I think they did so well with Sae’s character in Persona 5-- she’s in the same field of work, facing very similar struggles, but she doesn’t react in the same way as Naoto at all. 

Kanji and Homophobia 

It’s even worse that Naoto’s “reveal,” on top of being problematic by itself, is used as a method to bury Kanji’s exploration of his own sexuality. The problems with Kanji’s own shadow are bad enough to warrant their own long rant, but the reveal that Naoto was “really a girl” this whole time allows the story to completely wave off his gayness for good.

This isn’t something unique to this game-- the trope of “two boys fall in love, but one of them turns out to be a girl so it’s fine” has been used numerous times in other media to explore the topic half-assedly. It plays with the “exoticness” or “drama” of a gay romance, but backs off at the end in order to uphold societal norms and prevent backlash. 

This doesn’t really give any kind of good commentary on gay relationships, nor does it depict them in a positive or helpful manner. It isn’t something that these games should be getting kudos for doing. 

Misogyny?

I think there’s also something to be said about how poignantly bad Atlus is at really tackling the problem of misogyny. It tries, especially with characters like Ann and Sae, and in certain aspects it can succeed. But then they have scenes like the pageant and Every Beach Scene Ever, where the women are forced to wear swimsuits or revealing clothing against their will, or their bodies are talked about without their consent. There is consistently a character in each persona game who is forced to do the whole misogynistic dipshit gimmick that’s supposed to be funny-- Junpei, Yosuke, Teddie, Morgana, Ryuji-- and while this is obviously not a Persona specific problem by a longshot, it’s still indicative of how unsuccessful these games often are in delivering the message that society’s systemic misogyny is an issue.

This is something I think about a lot when people try and argue that Naoto’s story can’t be about him being trans because it’s “an important message about misogyny.” Atlus often doesn’t deliver on such stories already, and they certainly didn’t with Naoto. As soon as Naoto returns to “living as a woman” he’s subjected to the same misogyny that the other girls are. His chest is commented on, he’s forced to be in the beauty pageant, he’s made uncomfortable in the bath scenes-- really, all Atlus did after the reveal was make the problem worse for him. 

On top of this, his story never actually meaningfully tackles the problem of misogyny in the detective force. It’s not a major part of his social link or the general plot of the game-- honestly, it’s barely even touched on at all after the initial confrontation. Thus, the idea that “Naoto can’t be trans because it erases a story about misogyny” is just plain untrue. There never was a coherent one in the first place.

Problems Within the Fandom

Despite all of this, there is such an intense backlash from the majority of the fandom if anybody dares to bring up these issues with Naoto’s story. Naoto being trans is generally seen as something ridiculous and stupid, or something to insult and mock people for.

I understand that there's always going to be people who say provocative stuff like this, no matter what anyone does, and that it’s not something exclusive to this particular fandom or character. But the problem is that this rhetoric isn't just from them anymore--the consensus among so much of the fandom seems to be either that Naoto absolutely cannot be trans, or that speaking about it at all is "annoying discourse" and taboo. Even from fans that are LGBT or allies themselves. 

This in and of itself is such a telling thing to me. if you find yourself getting angry about the subject, really ask yourself why. Is it such a problem for people to reclaim a transphobic story? Is it such a problem for a character to be trans in the first place?  There is room for discussion and nuance regarding this situation, but we have to make it for ourselves. We can accept that Atlus’s base game will never actually give us a coherent story about either misogyny nor being transgender with Naoto’s story. But petty arguments and insults thrown at people who bring up this topic isn’t any of that-- it’s just poorly masked transphobia. 

So at the end of the day, no, Naoto being is trans is not “canon.” Of course Naoto would not actually be allowed to be trans, he is a main character in a game series where the only explicitly LGBT characters have been consistently buried, stereotyped, or demonized with only a few rare exceptions.

Yes, you’re allowed to headcanon whatever you want about him. I can’t stop you from wanting a story about misogyny, or from seeing Naoto’s gender as something more fluid than I do. But you can’t ignore the fact that his story, as written in canon, is laden with transphobia despite its intentions. It’s not a ridiculous or harmful thing for trans people to want to reclaim that.

There are still a lot more issues with how Naoto is treated in the game-- especially in his romance route-- but that’s a whole other can of worms I’m not ready to unpack today lol

Hopefully all of this made sense though, and feel free to bring up anything else I may have missed or point out any issues you might have with it :-) Thanks for reading!

[strongxsurvivors]

MLM SHIPS, FETIZATION, AND MISOGYNY IN THE RPC.

This is a small, or not-so-small, rant about a problem ( in my opinion ) I see more and more often in both the rp community and the art community. As a member of both, I just can’t escape this issue and need to put out some food for thought for everyone to read.

Not all of you are going to agree with me. Maybe, some will want to add in their two cents. Maybe, it’ll go over someone’s head completely. I simply appreciate you putting the time into reading this and giving it, like, two seconds of thought. It may not be an issue for you or be completely unrelated to you, but this is an issue I’m sure others will be able to relate to.

I will preface this by saying that I am a twenty-five year old transman. I am bisexual. I have a degree in psychology and excelled in gender and sexuality psychology. THIS DOES NOT, BY ANY MEANS, MEAN I AM THE END ALL BE ALL OF INFO IN THESE SUBJECTS. My experience is my own and I will not gatekeep or instruct people how to think in concerns of these subjects. I am only saying these things simply to assure you that I am valid in my perspective because I am in these communities. Please, don’t think that I want to invalidate anyone or say that I am better than you because I am these things.

Alright, let’s get the ball rolling because I have a lot of feelings and thoughts on a lot of points.

The number one thing that finally set me off to make this post is the absolute WORSHIP of mlm ( male loving male ) ships in the rpc ( and art comm., but this ain’t about them rn ). I have seen, countless times, entire blogs dedicated to shipping male characters to male characters.

Now, initially, this isn’t a problem. Having a male homosexual ship or homosexual male characters is absolutely fine. Peep my blog, I obviously have some. But, it’s the act of taking a character that was originally female, cisbend them to be male, and shipping them with another male character that's the problem. What was wrong with the female character? You kept her personality but made her male? Why? Is it necessary? It’s the same character. If you are uncomfortable writing female-related smut, fade to black. Smut is not necessary if you are truly focused on the essence of this character.

By making this character male, you are essentially saying that the only problem was that she was female. That’s it. That is misogyny. If you are focusing on her as a character, her body shouldn’t matter. As if females equate to their body when sex and gender are two separate things. But, you are bringing females down by getting rid of this one thing. You are telling them they are not good enough. That, maybe, you would like them better if they were the same but male. Am I being extreme about this? Yes. But, I’m trying to drive home my point here.

Another point to make about fetishizing mlm ships is that, even if you state your character is bisexual, pansexual, etc., that does not give you a pass. If your whole blog has characters who want only male partners even if some are stated to be something other than homosexual, you’re fetishizing them. If you put no effort in exploring relationships with females — platonic, romantic, or otherwise — you may as well call them homosexual and call it a day. I’m not here to dictate how you should play your character, but it’s easy to see where your loyalties lie when there is no evidence of female characters on your blog that you’ve interacted with. Actions speak louder than words. Rpc may be made up of words, but make your words take action. Plenty of people complain about their females being ignored. Go help them. Make your characters be friends, enemies, a crime-fighting duo idk. Females exist, don’t act like they don’t.

Oh, and changing a canon mlm ship to a wlw ship by cisbending them doesn’t change things. You’re still saying that those male characters were better than the pre-existing female characters. I would recommend you focus on the actual females of whatever medium you’ve taken these characters from, or create ocs that are genuinely wlw. This is mostly a thing I see in the art community, but I have seen it in the rpc.

We’re going to move on now to some transphobic and trans fetishization, which is fewer and far between. I say a few because I barely see trans characters out there in the community. But, when I do, OH BOY.

Simply stating a character is trans and doing nothing to upkeep what you said does not make your character trans. I’m sorry. Taking a pre-existing character and changing their gender and calling them trans is a sticky situation. I will probably get hate for this, but what are you going to do? It’s Tumblr. I would just prefer to see more original trans characters out there, as if actual thought and development went into their creation. 

What I mean by a sticky situation is this, and it goes back to a point I made earlier about cisbending characters to fit mlm ships: if you’re only making a character a transman to make him gay, that's fetishizing both mlm ships and trans people. I’m not saying a transperson can’t be gay and I’m not here to limit diverse characters — this is why I say this is a sticky situation. But, what I am saying is that if you only have muses that are involved in mlm ships and then you add a transmale character to also have an mlm ship based on faceclaims, it’s kinda sus.

Another thing I want to point out is if you are playing a trans character, refer to them by their chosen name and pronouns. You would think this is a no brainer, but you would be surprised. Even if your trans character is closeted, it is your job as the writer to write the correct name and pronouns. Other character interacting with your trans character could use their dead name and wrong pronouns — it makes sense, they don’t know your character is trans if they are closeted and non-passing. But, as you write your character, you and the reader are aware of your character’s true self. Neglecting to reflect your character’s true self through their chosen and name and pronouns is transphobic and harmful. Seeing things like this sends me into a whirlwind of dysphoria.

Changing a pre-existing character to nonbinary rather than cisbending them would be a recommendation from me and some others ( nonbinary individuals ) I’ve talked to. First off, there are very few nonbinary characters in general — media or otherwise. So, taking a pre-existing character and making them nonbinary is a nice thing to see. And, since the character is nonbinary, if they’re in a relationship with a male - the fetishization is redundant.

Now, who do I see making these wacky characters? Mostly cis females and trans men. I think it mostly stems from internalized misogyny as, when growing up, we’ve lived in societies where we are taught men are better than women. It can get to the point where cis females will glorify men so much that they have to have mlm ships. The same can be said for trans men. I’m not saying — as is often used against trans men — that this internalized misogyny / glorification of men has caused them to be trans. Obviously not. But, the internalized misogyny is still there enough to where they may either fear interacting with female characters. It might make them uncomfortable, dysphoric, or they just may think men are better. Women do not deserve to be the catalyst for someone’s discomfort. They are people. They are everywhere. They deserve to be loved. If they make you uncomfortable, if you think you are better than them, if you think men are better, I want you to sit down with yourself and think about this.

When I first realized that I was trans, I had some serious internalized misogyny going on. I would be uncomfortable writing female characters. I would be uncomfortable interacting with them. There was this discomfort that started to manifest in my behaviors and thoughts. Luckily, I had the best person in my life who told me that I was acting misogynistic and I needed to change. Pushing away females was me trying to come to terms with my transness. You don’t need to expel females away from you to imbed in yourself that you are trans. You don’t need to raise yourself above them as men have done for centuries. Do not become part of the problem. Accept the feminine parts of yourself, accept females, and I promise that the fear or resentment you may have with females and female characters will fade away.

Now, with all that being said, my last few words:

Being trans does not give you a pass to do the things I’ve mentioned. Being cis does not give you a pass. Being straight, gay, bi, etc does not give you a pass. If you are a gay man, I understand why you would only have male mlm ships. That doesn’t mean you can’t platonically interact with female characters. We all have made dumb mistakes and judgments in the past. I know for sure I’ve written some pretty cringe stuff in the past. It happens. The best we can do? Learn and take action on what we claim to have learned. Again, actions speak louder than words. Don’t piggy-back on posts that call out people for behavior like this when you participate in some of these behaviors yourself. Just because one person got called out and the spotlight is on them doesn’t mean you’re better than them or that you’ve been given a pass. If you read something like this, reflect on yourself and wonder — objectively — do you do some of these things? You may without realizing it or meaning to. In the end, I’m just a small blog that’s been around for seven years. I think we can get better as a community, but only if we help each other out. This is not a call out post. Call out and cancel culture is gross and counterproductive. I ain’t here for it. Call me out if you want, but what’ll that do? Nothing accept invalidate my opinion.

If you made it this far, I’m sorry. I took up a lot of your time probably. But, I want to thank you so much for reading this. As I said, you may agree, disagree, and not really get what I’m saying. I don’t know what I’m saying half the time either. But, I appreciate you regardless. Please, stay safe and healthy. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead of you.

[spokenitalics]

Hi! Sorry to bother you, but would you mind elaborating on the content warnings for 'don't be bad' and 'they call me jeeg'? I just want to know if they're worth watching or if I should just skip them... Thanks and have good day/night/whatever it is where you are!

hi! it's not a bother at all, i'm always happy help

[spoilers for both movies under the cut, obviously -- also sorry for any typos i literally just woke up]

i'll start with don't be bad:

the drug abuse is pretty straightforward: it happens, it's a pretty big part of the story, but it's NEVER glorified or anything like that. i only mentioned bc i understand it's a difficult subject for some people

the transphobia it's a bit more complicated....Big Disclaimer: i'm a cis dude, so i'm probably more ~forgiving~ than a trans person would be, and i 100% get that, so i'm just gonna tell you what happens: there's a trans woman who is a sex worker, and she's played by a cis man. luca marinelli's character (who is very much portrayed as an asshole) treats her like shit (So Many homophobic slurs), but her actions ultimately prove him wrong and cement the theme of the movie. so, far -- very far -- from perfect, but i think an Attempt was made? (what can i say, the bar for italian media is really low)

they call me jeeg:

dubcon/rape: about halfway through the movie the protagonist has sex with his love interest (a mentally ill woman of the "she doesn't understand boundaries so she walks around naked" variety). it starts off as consentual (even if at that point he's withholding information from her so it's already iffy) but then she clearly and repeatedly asks him to stop. he doesn't. after, she's clearly upset & runs away. he catches up with her and tells her that he doesn't know how to talk to women but he wants to learn and they make up. just like that. [further spoilers for the end of the movie in the replies]

transphobia: luca marinelli's character (a straight up comic book villain) visits a trans woman of color (again, a sex worker, but this time played by an actual trans woman of color, so at least there's that), misgenders her repeatedly, then they have sex. LM's character's enemies (Bad People) find them, shoot at them & wound the trans woman, who manages to shoot and kill a few people, saving LM's life. but then LM takes his rage out on her by killing her in cold blood. she's never mentioned again. (also i'm pretty sure the reason she's in the movie at all is to push the queercoding of LM's character, but that's a whole other can of worms)

at the end of the day, the way i see it, the cws for don't be bad are for depictions of those things (even if yes, the casting is, let's say, unfortunate at best) while imho they call me jeeg has just some terrible gender politics all around -- just watch that clip of marinelli singing un'emozione da poco and you'll have watched everything that's worth watching about it tbh

[sneakyneighboururchin]

Genuinely asking here bc maybe I've missed/forgotten some stuff but... when homo- and transphobic stuff is said in DA, it's addressed in game as being bad, isn't it? Like Dorian's first personal quest is about his dad acknowleding his homophobia and apologizing to Dorian. And with Krem, Krem and Bull both correct the Inquisitor pretty sternly if you misgender him, and Bull explains how gender identity is respected under the Qun. Not trying to fight you on this, nor do I think DA is by any means perfect, I just don't recall seeing homophobia or transphobia that isn't quickly shut down by the player or other characters. Don't feel pressured to answer tho, I know it's not your job to pull receipts for every shitty thing in a video game lol

Well first off thanks for being so polite and nice in this message, I appreciate it. I'm gonna try and cover the stuff that I've seen myself and have had pointed out to me by other people but keep in mind that I'm not trans, most of what I'll say here on the transphobia issue is me parroting other trans fans who've said this sort of thing before. I am gay though, so I guess we're clear on that front. It's also been a while since i played any of the games so if i get stuff wrong, I'm sorry. This is gonna be long so sorry for that in advance.

So homophobia and transphobia in our world. Why is it a thing? A combination of humanity hating and fearing what it doesn't understand (which Dragon Age also has) and religion, specifically in my experience Christianity (which Dragon Age does not have). Yes the Chantry and Andrastianism is heavily based off of Christianity and Catholicism but it doesn't have any of the bullshit about sexuality and gender that Christianity does. Neither in it's holy texts or it's teachings. The in universe writing about sexuality, a codex by Brother Genitivi, is also kinda homophobic and doesn't explain why this is a thing in Thedas at all. Queer relations and relationships are aparently viewed by most of Southern Thedas as 'peculiar' but no explanation is given as to why. Now I'm gonna go into specific instances. 

First off, let's look at some of the stuff you've mentioned. Dorian and his dad. Yeah that whole situation hit me pretty close to home as a queer person who's pretty much accepted at this point that my dad will never accept who I am and my mother died still not having accepted me. What Halward did is definitely portrayed as a bad thing, that is correct. The narrative kind of subtly pushing the reconciliation being the good option is a bit iffy. What Halward tried to do to Dorian is straight up abuse and I really don't like plotlines that push making nice with the abuser and forgiving them as a good resolution. This is kind of more personal feelings than straight from the script fact but I wanted to say it anyway. 

Second issue: Krem's treatment. So many trans people have talked about this before me, if you want some more in depth analysis of this you should go check out some of their stuff, it won't be hard to find. The basics though: Krem is voiced by a cis woman. This immediately sets a shitty precedent on the side of the devs lending proof to the theory that they don't care about uplifting trans people, just making money off them. Krem should have been voiced by a trans actor. In the actual conversation with Iron Bull you get the opportunity to be extremely transphobic. And if you do this you get told off, and that's kind of it. The fact that your character even has the option to do that is a) gross from an out of character writing perspective, and b) makes no sense in character. Why would your character have these views? There is no in lore reason for any of the potential groups your character comes from to be transphobic. Also, and this is just my opinion, but if you're transphobic to Krem (even though it makes no sense in universe) the Iron Bull's reaction shouldn't be a bit of disapproval, he should send you through the fucking wall. Seems more in character. Also, gender roles under the Qun also have a lot of potential to be transphobic, they are by no means an improvement on ours imo. Under the Qun your gender is essentially decided by your role. So if you're a fighter you're male. If you care for children you're female. Not only is that pretty hella sexist and reliant on our dumb ideas of gender roles (that again aren't supposed to be a thing in Thedas) it also has potential to be hell for trans people. Yes it would work for someone like Krem, but for someone who was AMAB and good at fighting but they were a woman? Being shoved into male gender roles and treated as a man would not be good. If the writer's intent was to create a society with an entirely different concept of and approach to gender they've done it wrong because of how much of it is reliant on the audience's perception of gender which (going by general gaming demographics) is pretty cis and het normative. 

Now I'm gonna talk about the transphobia that doesn't get challenged. Sera makes a couple transphobic comments throughout the game I believe, the one I can remember in detail is in the Winter Palace when she says someone presenting a certain way isn't actually that. And without any further context the only way the audience can really interpret that is that the writers decided to take a cheap shot at someone cross dressing in a bad attempt at comedy. 

Sera's writing in general is super homophobic because she was written by a homophobe. I'm not gonna go into all of that in this cos this is already too long and I could write essays about it. Other people already have! But basically, she's the only out and out lesbian romance we have in the series, and her writing in that respect is really not good. 

So how about the other games? Well. In origins you can hire sex workers at a brothel. The 'special' on offer is a very masc presenting dwarf in a poorly fitting dress. This was a very transphobic attempt at humour. Zevran, much as I love him dearly, is a walking bisexual stereotype, made worse by feeding into the 'sexy Latine' stereotype on top of that, which isn't an in universe problem so much as it is proof that the writers are guilty of prejudices whether they know it or not. I suspect there's more instances in origins but I can't remember right now. 

In Dragon Age 2 Seneschal Bran has a relationship of some kind with a sex worker named Serendipity, a feminine presenting elf with a very deep voice. This is played as something that Bran should be ashamed of. At least I think so, it could be that he's ashamed of having a relationship with a sex worker. Not that far fetched considering Aveline's weaponisation of the word 'whore' against Isabela. But this is also something that doesn't make sense honestly. Why is sex work taboo in thedas? Christianity isn't around to make it so and Andrastianism doesn't have purity culture going except for their clergy ( which also is never explained why and makes no sense.) Additionally, Uncle Gamlen is super homophobic. Why? There is no reason culturally or religiously for him to be that way? Yes he's an asshole but why is he an asshole in that manner? And you don't even get to challenge him on it! It's passive dialogue that you trigger when walking into his house and you don't immediately get the option to fucking fight him about it? Why put it in then?! 

A good amount of this is off topic from the actual question so sorry about that but TLDR there's a lot of in universe homophobia and transphobia, most of it is not handled well in or out of universe. I do believe that they're trying to do better in this respect, inquisition was a step up from previous games it just wasn't enough of one. 

If you want more stuff like this go check out @dalishious cos they have a ton of very good meta on subjects related to this.

[gnostic-heretic]

Hi! I'd love for you to respond to this, but ONLY if you're comfortable! I'm planning on writing a hetalia fanfic with a trans character. I researched a bit, but I feel that my fic could be read as problematic: my trans character (MTF) is introduced as her assigned gender with a different name, only to be uncovered later. She dates pre transition, but get back together. Is this realistic? You've written fic w/ trans characters before, so can you give any tips of advice? Thank you for reading!

hey dear, thank you for reaching out! i’m more than comfortable giving advice but remember that i’m just one trans person, so this does not represent a consensus- i encourage you to reach out to a trans friend to do a sensitivity reading, if you and your friend are comfortable with that! 

i say this because a lot of people would say this scenario of portraying someone pre- and post-transition is a no-no, but i think it’s doable (i’ve done it myself!) if approached in a sensible way. 

and yes i do think it’s possible for a character to date someone, break up for unrelated reasons, transition and then meet that person again and fall in love again. it’s a sweet idea! it’d be lovely to see your character grow and be more content and confident and finally *herself*, and find love as herself :)  plus at least in my experience, a lot of cis partners of trans people do a lot of serious questioning and self exploration when their partner comes out so it can be interesting from the other character’s perspective as well. i’ve seen for example many gfs/wives of trans women realize they’re wlw when they previously never questioned their sexuality. so it can be an interesting journey for both characters to go on and for you as a writer to explore! 

my first bit of advice is to read read and read. read what trans people have to say on the subject of writing- i know there’s more than one post floating around on tumblr with advice for cis people on how to write a trans character. and read the experiences of trans people, how they talk about their own “egg cracking” (if you don’t know, i’d start by searching what “cracking your egg” means- and hint: it’s not always “i played with dolls as a child”), transition and their own past present or their future plans.  and as you read remember that there is no singular standard “trans experience”- transition is not linear, and there’s no such thing as a transition that is “complete” or “incomplete”. some trans people feel really intense dysphoria, others don’t and are mostly fine with the body they have. some trans people want to start hrt asap and to have every medical procedure available, for others, coming out is enough, in many cases they might want to have surgeries, but hormones are the only thing that’s accessible because of the cost of surgeries and long waiting lists. 

keep in mind that everyone experiences gender in their own unique way, so a trans female character doesn’t have to be hyper feminine, and a trans male character doesn’t have to be super masculine to be “good representation”. 

also i’d say to read up on harmful tropes to avoid as well, i’m gonna tell you some just off the top of my head and offer advice on how to handle tricky subjects - portraying trans people especially trans women as violent or predatory/creepy is a big NO (i know this might be obvious to you, but this is also for everyone else reading this out there). there’s nothing wrong with writing negative or morally grey characters but this is a damaging and dehumanizing trope with a long history of being used as propaganda against us. 

- on the same note i’d say to avoid portraying your character as easily offended, overly sensitive, quick to anger etc etc. another (more modern) trope used to mock and ultimately harm trans people is to paint us as “special snowflakes”

 --> a good thing to remember is that anger can be portrayed as righteous, as it is in this situation, and assertive so that would be a good place to start if you have to write about the character being rightfully angry and sad, upset at discrimination she might experience. 

- avoid the dramatic scene in which a character is found out to be trans by undressing them and “revealing” something about their body. also tied to transphobic ideas (trans people “trick” people into thinking they are their gender) and to trans panic defense that legitimizes the murder of trans people. 

 --> a good way to reveal that your character is trans is... simply to make her come out. have a talk! there’s so many possibilities from it being heavy and awkward, to light hearted and heartwarming :) 

- this one is a more complicated thing to handle, because i know some will disagree with me on it... but i’d advise you to steer away or ask for a second opinion/sensitivity reader if you’re gonna write The Sad Mirror Scene TM in which a trans person gazes at their own body in the mirror (or even without the mirror tbh) and points out everything that is “male/female” about it. personally i think it’s bad but in a more subtle way... the focus on our bodies and everything that is considered “wrong” with it can have creepy or outright transphobic implications. also it’s way overdone js 

 --> instead of the long gazing scene i’d mention those things in passing and incorporate them into her daily life, because it is something we live with every day and not just in all-at-once intense dysphoria sessions: maybe she has broad shoulders, so she wears a cute blouse with a lot of ruffles to conceal that a bit; or maybe she’s out and about, on the way to her laser hair removal appointment, and feels awkward about having a bit of shadow (so she treats herself to buying a new concealer on the way home);

 --> also don’t forget about small moments of gender euphoria and trans joy!!! so maybe she gets a new haircut after growing her hair out for a long time, or takes her estrogen for the first time and cries of happiness, or she tries on her fave bra and notices that her breasts have grown a little bit or they feel sore which is a good sign!. etc etc. these are just examples so don’t sweat it :D  but showing the happiness that comes with being trans and not just the sadness of it is really important imo for everyone thinking about writing a trans-centric story 

- in general i’d be careful for anything that implies trans people aren’t “really” the gender they are, or that deep down we’ll always be our assigned gender. sometimes it’s not the outright essentialist statements but the more subtle things that can go undetected to cis people, but we see them. stuff like: the character deadnaming/misgendering themselves (so for example, when she comes out, no “remember deadname?”, or, “i used to be a man”) equating genitals with gender (even as a joke), or making the cis experience out to be universal (that feel when pms, am i right ladies? :) <-- this kind of statement even in good intentioned fun can feel exclusionary and should be perceived as such by your character), body shaming or implying certain non-conforming characteristics (ex: a strong jawline, broad shoulders, narrow hips, small breasts on a woman) are inherently “bad” or inherent to trans people only (plenty of cis women have all of those above listed things). 

 --> i know that dysphoria can make these last things appear to be inherently negative to the person, but you might counterbalance this by making her confident about other aspects of her personality, and making your other characters compliment her and paint her insecurities in a new light. for example she might feel self conscious about her height, but maybe her love interest loves her beautiful, long legs; or maybe more simply unrelated to anything she’s insecure about, she’s smart and hard working, she’s a science genius, she’s the best of her judo class and could kick your ass, she has really nice hair, or really striking eyes, or a very pretty color of very chipped nail polish. details are the key!!! and remember that value and beauty are subjective!!!! 

and last but most important of all... please write your character as HUMAN!! we trans people are just regular people, like anyone else in the world.  we aren’t just defined by transness, we have lives and passions and talents and our own problems completely unrelated to being trans.  so please keep that in mind while writing your gal! and don’t let everything i’ve typed above intimidate you, most of it is obvious stuff and i’m sure you’ll be fine! good luck with your story!

[nemorps]

So, there’s been some posts about Rule 63 on my dash the last 24 hours, specifically on whether or not it’s transphobic. I’d like to ask a separate question, “Are Rule 63 fics triggering for trans folks?” That one unquestionably, measurably is yes. And if you’re a fan of Rule 63, you should respect that, no matter the reason why you like it. 

However, I want to acknowledge that Rule 63 clearly appeals to a lot of fans too, and I think they should be allowed to write/read it. So, let’s discuss the etiquette with writing this sensitive subject Item 1, tag it, so people who don’t like it can block it. Item 2, Rule 63 tends to come in one of two flavors: There’s “genderbend” or otherwise temporarily rendered “the opposite sex” and there’s “always a girl/boy.”

For “genderbend” or temporary changes... You’re changing your character’s genitals, but you’re not actually bending their ‘gender’... (Or maybe you are, but that’s a different matter entirely). For the majority of “genderbend” fic out there, the characters’ pronouns stay the same, only their genitals change, and the effect is reversed by the end of the fic, usually after a sex scene. If you’re writing one of these, you’re inherently playing with gender. And if you take that lightly, make sure you tag it that way because there’s a not insubstantial portion of the population for whom gender is a VERY personal and important part of their identity. There’s a BIG difference between “X wakes up ‘a girl,’ has a panic attack, calls the medical/magical fix-it character, and the whole fic is trying to manage their dysphoria and find a way to reverse it” and “X wakes up ‘a boy,’ decides having a dick is #cool and is gonna go sex-up her girlfriend.”  I can think of audiences for both of these fics -- there may or may not be overlap between them -- but if a reader goes in expecting one and gets the other.... Writers, be THOROUGH in your tagging. Please.

For “Always a girl/boy” I think we, as a fandom, have phrased this tag in this way solely to distinguish it from the previously mentioned, temporary status fics. This is about a character whose assigned gender is ‘opposite’ what their canon assigned gender is, and they identify that way. The fact that ‘opposite’ is already a misnomer, it’s pretty clear why people are upset by this phrasing. So... perhaps the simplest solution is to instead start tagging these “Afab and cis” or “Amab and cis.” And hey, it’s actually fewer letters!  Additionally, it is my understanding that the majority of these fics are “afab and cis” not amab. And that this is simply because there is a dearth of fleshed-out, female characters in fandom spaces. It’s not unreasonable to want to write about female characters without having to define your characters from whole-cloth based off of side-characters with 2 lines and 40 seconds of collective screen-time. 

If it is accepted and encouraged to recast white characters as black or brown -- or to make canon straight characters bi/gay/ace because the representation doesn’t exist, then it should be reasonable to want to recast male characters as female. 

THAT SAID, do NOT expect or demand trans or nonbinary folks like those fics, or even read them at all.

TL;DR Respect people’s boundaries. If your fic contains content people may want to avoid, make sure it’s tagged so people can avoid that content.

[aroworlds]

Fiction: The Pride Conspiracy, Part One

December isn't the best time of year for a trans aromantic like Rowan Ross, although—unlike his relatives—his co-workers probably won't give him gift cards to women's clothing shops. How does he explain to cis people that while golf balls don't trigger his dysphoria, he wants to be seen as more than a masculine stereotype? Nonetheless, he thinks he has this teeth-gritted endurance thing figured out: cissexism means he needn't fear his relatives asking him about dating, and he has the perfect idea for Melanie in the office gift exchange. He can survive gifts and kin, right? Isn't playing along with expectation better than enduring unexpected consequences?

Rowan, however, isn't the only aromantic in the office planning to surprise a co-worker.

To survive the onslaught of ribbon and cellophane, Rowan's going to have to get comfortable with embracing the unknown.

Contains: A trans allo-frayro trying to grit his teeth through the holidays, scheming aro co-workers, a whole lot of cross-stitch, another moment of aromantic discovery, and many, many mugs.

Content Advisory: A story that focuses on some of the ways Western gift-giving culture enables cissexism and a rigid gender binary, taking place in the context of commercialised, secular-but-with-very-Christian-underpinnings Christmas. Please expect many references to said holiday in an office where Damien hasn't figured out how to run a gift exchange without subjecting everyone to Santa, along with characters who have work to do in recognising that not everybody celebrates Christmas.

There are no depictions or mentions of sexual attraction beyond the words "allosexual" and "bisexual" and a passing reference to allo-aro antagonism, but there are non-detailed references to Rowan's previous experiences with and attitudes towards romance and romantic attraction as a frayromantic. Please also expect casual references to amatonormativity and other shapes of cissexism.

Length: 4, 914 words (part one of two).

Note: You'll need to have read The Vampire Conundrum for many references to make sense.

Rowan should be assumed an Australian character in an Australian city. Our Christmas, therefore, involves hot weather, short sleeves, barbecues and confusion at certain holiday traditions common in the Northern Hemisphere. 

They’re aromantic. How isn’t he obligated to help decorate her desk in as many pride-related ways as possible? 

“It’s Secret Santa slash December Holiday Gift Exchange!” Damien emerges from the meeting room, shaking a paper-scrap-filled jar with the gleeful attitude of a toddler attacking a pile of presents. In order to give the occasion suitable gravitas, he draped a rope of red tinsel over his shoulders, the fronds glittering in the flicker-prone lighting. “Come gather!”

Rowan looks up from his computer, biting back a groan. This isn’t a surprise, given that Shelby answered his interview questions about “workplace culture” with descriptions of their celebrating capitalist-infused Christian holidays, and the office more than lives up to that promise. A tree sits on the front counter, its branches crammed with baubles. Tinsel hangs on everything from which tinsel can be hung and rests in snake-like coils over the computer towers, screens, desk partitions and the large corkboard. Ribbon-wrapped pencils topped with felt trees, stars and stockings flowered, overnight, from everyone’s pen mugs; Melanie gave Rowan three of them for his frayro mug. Every desk features a red bowl of tree-shaped marshmallows, candy canes or that weird Christmas lolly mix common in dollar shops.

Only the lack of music renders bearable this explosion of festivity. Damien said he drew that line last year after Melanie and Shelby alternated between Michael Bublé and Josh Groban’s Christmas CDs.

Rowan doesn’t want to think about that sublime horror.

Christmas to him means slipping a few TSO tracks into his melodic metal playlists and gritting his teeth until the new year.

“O come all ye faithful,” Melanie sings, spinning her chair around. Every day this week she’s donned a different Christmas-themed T-shirt; today’s features a screen-printed Rudolph head with an apple-sized nose made from red minky fleece. Rowan doesn’t understand the American “ugly Christmas jumper” thing—why?—but Melanie appears to be replicating the trend via short sleeves and jersey knits.

Damien jerks his elbow at the largest whiteboard, half filled with the Banned Holiday Decorations List—items including “music, carols, hymns and singing”, “all types of fake snow” and “Cadbury Crème Eggs”. “Didn’t we talk about carols?”

Rowan doesn’t want to be accused of being a dreadful, fun-loathing millennial about which too many articles have been written on dislike of office gift exchanges … but he doesn’t know how not to be one, either. Why do people like this? Buying presents for people who aren’t strangers but aren’t friends, hoping that his attempt isn’t too generic only to open something tailored to feminine cliché ... followed by the apologetic explanation or justification that Rowan isn’t easy to shop for.

Can’t he save himself fifteen bucks and skip the disaster?

He’s never understood how he presents a difficulty that isn’t cissexism and a lack of imagination: buy him good thread, expensive coffee, dress socks, a nice mug, food storage containers or fancy kitchenware. He’ll even take a cheap box of chocolates, since his housemates will eat anything should they believe it food. Just get him something that isn’t a floral-patterned bath set followed by the hand-wringing apology that the giver just doesn’t know what to get someone as confusing as Rowan!

Why don’t they ask him what he wants?

He’s over spending money and time on gift exchanges only to receive cissexism, dysphoria or stereotype wrapped in paper and tied with a bow.

Rowan draws a breath and slips his fingers under his thighs. He should have sent Damien an email when Melanie started decorating, but Rowan was thinking about pushing their print date back two weeks and not thinking about Mum’s out-of-nowhere request that Rowan attend the family Christmas. “Uh … Damien? Can I … quick word?”

Why did he get himself a new psychologist? One who says terrible words like assertiveness?

“Give us a minute.” Tinsel rustling, Damien crouches beside Rowan’s chair. “Will here do?”

If everyone overhears, Rowan can pretend he’s talking to one person while knowing they all benefit from his explanation. Besides, going into the meeting room makes this a thing. “Yeah. Um. I … I don’t usually get the right presents from people in gift exchanges. By which I mean ... presents that aren’t a reminder that they think me female, and if they give me enough nail polish and heart-shaped jewellery and glittery handbags, I’ll admit it. I don’t want that? Really don’t want that?”

Why do his parents want to play at being a happy family? Does Mum want to show off to Uncle Keith and his new wife? Have they forgotten how badly last Christmas went? Or is this just more cissexist assumption that Rowan will discard his masculinity when needed? If they behave as though Rowan should fit their expectations, will he—eventually—surrender to them?

I’m not being difficult because I want my masculinity and transness respected. I’m not...

Melanie leans over to poke Shelby’s shoulder, her bright red lips forming a ring.

Damien blinks, hesitating as if he doesn’t know how best to respond. “That ... sounds like my niece’s favourite birthday. Although she took the bag, put one of my sister’s dumbbells inside and swung it at the boy over the road who wouldn't stop calling her pretty. And then made an army of neighbourhood girls wielding heavy unicorn bags.” He shakes his head. “I mean that … you obviously aren’t a certain kind of eight-year-old or into glitter, so...”

If only Rowan had the nerve to do that to Aunt Laura! “I bet he never did that again.”

“No. I’ll make sure … that the person who has you gets you something appropriate.”

Inappropriately-feminine gifts aren’t his only difficulty. Rowan doesn’t how to voice something so complex (to cis, gender-conforming people) about gender and gift-giving without sounding like he’s complaining for the sake of complaining—the demanding, difficult trans man of his parents’ accusations. Most often he endures a cis female celebrity’s latest perfume, but well-intended “accepting” people give him an Old Spice gift set—acknowledging his masculinity at the cost of his personality. How do cis people not chafe at gift-giving traditions that assume people can be reduced down to one of two categories with narrow behaviours and interests ascribed to each?

It’s easier to draw the line at gifts that only avoid being the embodiment of the giver’s cissexism and donate everything else, as much as Rowan yearns for one year with a good present he doesn’t buy himself.

Will cis people ever understand that being trans means holding back on responding to cis nonsense?

“Thanks. Yeah, thanks.”

“Secret Santa slash December Holiday Gift Exchange rules!” Damien straightens, shaking the jar; paper rattles against glass. “Twenty-dollar limit, keep it fun, don’t give anything inappropriate for a professional environment. I want to be eating mince pies, not taking people into the meeting room for discussions on adulthood. We exchange on the last day, December 20.” He reaches into the jar, the neck a tight fit for his hands, and tweezers out a folded piece of paper before handing it to Rowan.

Damien shakes the jar again before offering another slip to Melanie and then Shelby.

Don’t people draw names themselves from the bowl or jar? Nobody else seems concerned by this lapse—Melanie starts laughing when she sees her name—so Rowan shrugs and opens his, deciding it must be normal enough.

The Aro Gods must be inclined to a little seasonal kindness, for he sees “Melanie” written in Damien’s handwriting.

No need to struggle through generic alternatives like food or wine; pride pins will make her happy enough. A pen? A mini aro flag? Choosing may be Rowan’s worst problem, but he can get her a few things and give her whatever’s over the limit after the exchange.

They’re aromantic. How isn’t he obligated to help decorate her desk in as many pride-related ways as possible?

“Rowan!” Melanie bustles over; he quickly slides his paper up his sleeve. She makes metallic jangling noises—words like “ringing” or “pealing” don’t apply—as she moves, thanks to a gold chain bracelet decorated with small bells at each link. Matching earrings dangle from her ears, clinking out of tune with the ones at her wrist. “Can I ask you something?”

He nods, hoping she’ll let pass unremarked his description of holiday cissexism.

“Where did you buy your flag patches? I want one. Well, maybe more than one, because there’s the aro flag, and the ace flag, and maybe one of the aro-ace flags, but I haven’t decided which one I like best since there’s several that are nice, and...”

Once-in-a-lifetime inspiration hits Rowan with finger-twitching force. “I don’t know,” he lies once Melanie runs out of steam. “Uh … a friend gave them to me and ... I don’t know where they bought them. Online, probably?” He swallows and tries for distraction, gambling his poor ability for falsehood against Melanie’s likely ignorance. “Maybe look on Etsy? I’d look on Etsy.”

“Etsy? What’s that?”

“Handcraft eBay,” he says in relief, thinking through his thread stash. “Where people sell handmade things. I don’t know when I’m seeing my friend next, but I can ask...?”

He’ll need purples, greens, greys, black, white—oh, and blues! A little orange, a little yellow. Has he enough fabric? What about time? Should he do the main ones first and then others as he can squeeze them in?

On the way home tonight, he’ll start by stopping at his local sewing store.

***

Rowan hits “send” on an email to Damien, ignoring Mum’s latest text, as Shelby bounds up to his desk. Like Melanie, she’s added Christmas T-shirts to her daily ensemble; unlike Melanie, Shelby’s T-shirts appear to come from a department store’s children’s section. Today’s shirt shows a cute-but-scientifically-inaccurate dinosaur in a Santa hat holding a red box. Also unlike Melanie, Shelby hasn’t added earrings, pins, necklaces, bangles or socks in honour of the season. “Yeah?”

Damien added “battery and USB-powered light-up objects” to the List after an office vote provoked by a flashing necklace that resembled miniature string lights.

Shelby whispers, meaning that she speaks in a raspier tone with volume enough that her standing on the other side of a crowded football oval needn’t impede one’s hearing. In fairness, Rowan has heard her speak over a hundred gossiping Year 7 students until they surrendered to the stubbornness of an older woman who doesn’t go to bed caring what they think of her. “Can you go through all the … the identities? Can you show them to me and tell me what colours go with them? Do they all have their own colours?”

Rowan can only sit and gape.

“Please? I need someone to go through them all.”

He lunges for his half-filled mug, hoping his perpetual need for coffee conceals his surprise. “You mean pride flags? Queer pride flags?”

“Please.” Shelby nods, grips his arm and gives a meant-as-comforting nutcracker-like squeeze before lowering her hand to fidget with her phone—a device likely dug up with the fossils from the dinosaur on her shirt. It doesn’t have a cover; he guesses she covered the back with multiple layers of washi tape coated in (yellowing) clear nail polish. He doesn’t ask why. “Maybe you can start with the ones you use, and that one Melanie has, and then tell me the other ones? There aren’t that many, are there?”

Rowan, lukewarm coffee in his mouth and heading down his gullet, chokes.

Several moments of spluttering and coughing, aided by Shelby’s enthusiastic back-pounding, pass before he can answer. “Uh … there’s lots, actually. Lots.” He considers explaining about Tumblr before deciding on the appropriate answer: a thousand kinds of nope. “Do you want gender ones, or sexuality ones, or aromantic ones, or...?”

Shelby’s blank, brow-creased expression shows that, if she read Rowan’s leaflet, his emails and the hand-outs provided by Damien’s trainers, the knowledge hasn’t stuck with her.

(They weren’t better than Rowan’s own and only mentioned aromanticism as a way of being asexual.)

“The ones you and Melanie use...?” She lowers her voice to a point where someone may, in theory, be unable to hear her from the other side of the room. “I want to get Melanie a little extra … something, this year. With a flag, maybe?” She jerks her elbow in the direction of Melanie’s mug, currently filled with something smelling of camomile and dish-water. “But I should know more about the other ones, too. Like yours. Can you show them all to me?”

There’s no way in this tinselled hell that Melanie can’t hear Shelby, yet Melanie appears engrossed in deleting emails.

Last week, Rowan said “aromantic” once to their newest volunteer in a conversation about the pride flags on their website. Seconds later, Melanie materialised from the hallway, passed over one of Rowan’s leaflets and introduced herself as aro-ace before giving a five-point rundown on ways to avoid casual amatonormativity—not that she’s yet comfortable saying the word—in the workplace. There’s no way she’s contemplating the mysteries of her trash folder while Rowan talks to Shelby about aromantic pride flags! Breathing “aro” aloud is now akin to summoning a demon—one revelling in the discovery of the identity that makes belated sense of her life.

“You want me to show you aromantic flags?” Rowan asks to clarify, baffled.

Shelby beams at him. “Yes, please.”

Melanie, frowning, deletes an email.

Did Damien have a word with her? Did the volunteer complain?

Rowan can’t say that he wants to play tour guide through the world of queer vexillology, but Shelby has gone five weeks without saying the phrase “you trans people” and two months without reassuring Rowan on the subject of pronoun-correction. He also knows Melanie and Shelby are friends outside of work, bonding over stage shows and music. If Shelby wants to support Melanie in her aromanticism, how can Rowan refuse?

While Rowan sat there planning the politest way to navigate the glaring error in the trainers’ leaflets, Melanie stood up, exclaimed that aromanticism isn’t the same thing as asexuality and demanded that they do some reading before engaging in “obvious aro denial”. He owes her. She scares him a little, but he owes her.

(Should Rowan master the ability to handle conversations and presentations, he may consider becoming a sensitivity trainer. That two-day workshop, while decent enough on gender and sexuality, left him again concluding that most queer alloros have no idea how to reference and include aromanticism in their conversations about queerness.)

Another Mum-authored text flashes up on his phone, displaying the words “Christmas”, “clothing” and “appropriately”.

No, no and hell no.

“Yeah, okay.” He bends down to grab his satchel, tucked against the left-hand side of his desk. A decent collection of patches and badges now covers the front flap, including his cursed-but-memorable “aro” patch. “That’s the trans pride flag, with the blue, pink and white, and beside it is the bisexual flag. The flag with the greens and black is the aromantic flag, and the allo-aro flag has the greens and gold. It’s pretty much the same as the aro flag, except with yellow and gold instead of grey and black.” He points at each patch as he moves through his explanation. “Allo—allosexual—aromantics are aros who experience sexual attraction.”

He’ll stick to simple definitions with Shelby, even if they lack ideal expansiveness.

Shelby nods, smiling.

“For me, it means I’m aromantic and bisexual. Aro-aces, like Melanie, are aromantic and asexual, meaning she doesn’t experience sexual attraction.” He almost asks her if she remembers what “aromanticism” means before realising that he’ll sound like a condescending primary-school teacher. “This flag with the blues, white and grey is the frayromantic flag, which designates the specific way I’m aro. The flag on Melanie’s mug—”

Shelby leans against his desk, her grey braid trailing over one arm. “So you have an aromantic flag and an allosexual aromantic flag? A special aromantic flag?”

Are they heading towards the sort of conversation that involves anger over “making up” identities outside the speaker’s reckoning of acceptable? Or does she mean “distinct”? “Ah … kind of? The green and black flag represents all aros—Melanie and me. The green and gold one’s just for me, and I don’t use her blue and orange one.”

For the first time in living memory, Melanie pays Rowan and Shelby no attention.

“I see! You want to reflect different types of aro.” Shelby almost says the word without unusual stress; Rowan considers applauding her but decides he won’t risk undermining his point on avoiding excessive overreaction to queer terminology. “Do you ever put the flags together? Like if you want to be both things at once?”

When isn’t he the state of multiple identities at once? Rowan decides she means “represent” instead of “be” and nods. “Yeah? Some people put a heart with the stripes of the aro flag in the middle of the trans or bi flags, but I don’t like that because using a heart to represent us all is a bit … eh. You know, heart, love, love hearts? Lots of people don’t care, though. I’ve also seen folks split them in an image, or have the stripes fade into each other. Like trans stripes fading into aro stripes.”

“And you like that better?” Shelby blinks, her blunt nails tracing the edge of the case. “Would Melanie like that? The aromantic flag fading into another one?”

There’s no way Melanie didn’t hear that—and no reason for her to say silent! Last month she told Rowan and Shelby to get mint chocolate cake for her birthday after walking in on them debating sponge versus cheesecake in the meeting room!

(Sponge, in Rowan’s opinion, is the classic cake format.)

“Yeah. It shows my identities together without using symbolism I find awkward.” Rowan lowers his voice, leaning closer to Shelby. “Melanie will probably go for the aromantic flag fading into or combined with the asexual flag, if you’re doing something with two flags. I don’t think she’d be into hearts, but a split image or fading? That’d work.”

Shelby straightens, beaming, and gives Rowan another firm arm-squeeze. “That’s great! Thank you so much for helping, Rowan!”

“Don’t you want to know more about aro-ace flags...?”

“No, that’s great!” Shelby, heading towards her own desk, no longer attempts to speak at anything not normal volume. “Aromantic into asexual! I’ll remember that!”

As Shelby turns, he catches a glimpse of the cracked screen on her phone—or, more specifically, the movement of her hand as she presses stop on her recording app.

Is that legal? It surely isn’t normal? Or is she an auditory learner, meaning she’ll learn best by playing the recording over … but in that case, why not say so? He could have directed her to YouTube videos and podcasts! Perhaps, though, she only shows her ignorance in digital etiquette, in the same way Rowan took Melanie aside to explain that the use of caps lock for the body of a promotional email violates good manners as much as—more than!—she thinks signing a form in red ballpoint? Should he complain about something suggestive of her willingness to understand him?

Rowan stares, shrugs and shakes his head as a third text pops up.

Sometimes it’s easier to just not ask.

Too bad that can’t apply as easily to family.

***

Rowan stands, yawns and stretches. His lunch half-hour beckons: sunshine spent with food, cross-stitch and a flock of pigeons tame enough to perch on the far end of his bench. Since today involved apologetic emails followed by a contrite phone call to his goddess amongst printers, time free of people feels like looming perfection. Just him, the pigeons, a sewing needle and the homemade pasty he hid from Matt inside a bag of frozen peas.

Any day in which he gets to enjoy his own cooking can’t be too terrible.

Perhaps he should do as his psychologist says: put a chest freezer in his bedroom and a lock on his door.

“Rowan!” Damien, his hair tousled enough to make Rowan think of a woolly mammoth in a sharp suit, carries a plate of something smelling like honey and chicken into the office. “While Melanie’s out, can you show me your mug shop? You said there’s a lot of aro-ace flags, right? Or would she want one like yours, the green one? I don’t get her something like your blue and green shield one, though?” He shrugs and sets the plate down on Rowan’s desk. “My wife’s friends with her sister and we got invited out, but there’s another swap. I don’t want to get her the wrong thing. Do you mind?”

At least Damien does the sensible thing of asking while Melanie’s out on lunch. Maybe this won’t take too long: Damien’s a terrible photographer with unreasonable expectations of Photoshop, but he does know how to buy things online.

“Yeah. Hold on.” Rowan opens up his browser just as his phone beeps. Nope, ignoring that. “I’ll show you what mugs I think she’d want.”

He hadn’t realised how many people here are friends with Melanie outside of work. It must be nice to have a regular social life that isn’t “being at work” and “sighing at housemates”, but there’s advantages in possessing the short holiday shopping list of family, a work gift exchange and a couple of friends. Besides, does anyone want one’s co-workers to know what happens at an outside party?

“Don’t ignore your phone because of me.”

“It’s Dad.” Since Rowan can’t find a pithy or amusing way to explain that Dad’s text message will be a guilt-trip ordering Rowan to come to Christmas for the sake of the family’s happiness followed by a second guilt-trip explaining how much his refusal to confirm has upset Mum, he just shakes his head.

You talked about this with the psychologist. Guilt. Trip.

He made an appointment for the second week of January; he should have made one in December as well.

“That bad?”

He can’t remember the specifics of his rant that day atop the desk, but he must have suggested at an interesting relationship with his parents. “Yeah.”

Did they forget telling Rowan that if he doesn’t like how they treat him, he can leave? They told Rowan that he isn’t welcome while he remains intolerant of them—while I expect them to treat me as I deserve. He left. Now they want him back to smile for the family photos?

What’s worse? Enduring a day of misgendering, deadnaming and cissexism, which shouldn’t result in unknown voyages of horror if he bites his tongue? Or avoiding short-term discomfort while gaining the long-term torment of the family’s schooling Rowan in appropriate Ross respect for blood and holidays? What chance is there of avoiding harassment if he doesn’t go?

Maybe he can leave off shaving for a week before Christmas and turn up with his new, albeit patchy, facial hair while wearing an op-shop debutante gown, so he “dresses appropriately” and “doesn’t confuse the relatives” as requested.

How many truckloads of Valium will he need for that?

“Rowan? Are you okay?” Damien, now sitting on an office chair, peers at him as though waiting for Rowan to do anything more than stare at the computer screen.

“Ugh. Sorry. Just thinking.” Rowan sighs and types in the shop’s name, bringing up their website, and then opens a second tab to another archiving different pride flags.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Damien asks in that gruffly-gentle voice, one that makes Rowan want to smash his fist through a window.

“Yeah, no.” Rowan draws a breath and points at the screen with a hand a too trembly for his liking. “So you’re going to want to know what flags represent what, because there’s a drop-down menu where you can choose from different flags...”

It’s easier to talk, easier to run through all the different flags in a depth of explanation Damien doesn’t request, easier to think about something that isn’t family—a subject with complexity enough to distract but without provocation enough to distress.

He doesn’t know if Damien asks questions from curiosity or kindness, but Rowan’s pasty becomes pastry crumbs scattered over his desk and keyboard; Damien’s chicken, half-eaten, sits cooling on its plate.

“So cupioromantic is the one where you want the relationship but you don’t feel romance?” Damien frowns and runs both oversized hands through his hair, now resembling a befuddled bear emerging after a long hibernation. “Why have a word for that? I mean, everyone feels like it isn’t one of those movies and dates anyway, so why specify that?”

“Where you don’t feel romantic attraction but desire a romantic relationship,” Rowan says, telling himself that Damien unknowingly regurgitates the tired “demiromanticism is normal” argument. Isn’t this better than looking at the fifth text message? “Some people need it to be a word. Movies aren’t that divorced from reality. They’re … too easy, too glossy, too perfect, too unrealistic, but...”

He sighs. Not dating brings many benefits, but Rowan has to admit that he misses the fun of falling in love, even if trouble always follows. Misses the fun of dreaming, hoping and fantasising; misses the bright, happy glow of being caught up in someone else. At risk of being considered a bad aro, he likes that glorious limerence pushing him to navigate people despite his gibbering anxiety! In some ways, knowing he’s capable of falling in love over and over feels heady and powerful; amatonormativity more than the nature of Rowan’s frayromanticism bestows difficulty on its aftermath.

I want to fall in love with you ... and after getting to know you, do it again with someone else, all the best bits of romance’s beginning on eternal repeat.

Instead, he avoids dating and the inevitable development of his partner’s hurt, surrendering to a world where his shape of attraction isn’t acceptable or reasonable. Albeit with a trace of bitterness that frayromanticism will be easier to navigate should Rowan not be an anxiety-plagued, bisexual trans man!

Of course, discarding romance makes pursuing his shape of sexual attraction unacceptable and unreasonable...

“How are they real? Nobody just sees someone and falls in love like that—”

“Dude, dude, I’ve fallen in love like that.” Rowan shakes his head and launches into the speech that’s the spiritual duty of any card-carrying aromantic: “Do you fall in love after you get to know someone? After they love you back? Do you know what ‘fall in love’ means to you? Because it’s easy to name all sorts of feelings ‘love’ and think they’re romantic when the world says you have to be alloromantic. It’s even easier to not be romantically attracted and not know! Have you thought about it?”

Damien, his eyes so wide that he reminds Rowan of a zebrafish with a brown wig, shakes his head.

“I swear, alloros like romance movies because while they’re a … a simplified, idealistic version of romance, they’re close enough to what people feel—or think they’re supposed to feel—that they … ring, resonate. They wouldn’t do that if it were complete invention. Just like science fiction isn’t real but talks enough about human experiences to have meaning to human audiences. Unreal, in so many ways, but just real enough. So—”

Damien holds up both hands, palms facing Rowan. “Stop. Stop.”

Now the anxious part of Rowan’s brain realises he’s lecturing at his supervisor in a way no need to avoid thinking of his family justifies; he gulps, fingers trembling. While the office code of conduct doesn’t specify things like unwanted speeches questioning another person’s belief in their romantic attraction, he doubts this acceptable behaviour. “I … shit. I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I just...”

Will he ever stop causing a mess at work?

“You’re talking so fast,” Damien says, slow and careful in the way of a man talking to a panicked horse, “that I can’t keep up.” He sighs and runs one hand through his hair. “This isn’t something I thought we’d be talking about! I just wanted to check that everything was right...” He shakes his head, but he doesn’t sound annoyed or outraged. Just bewildered. “Okay. Right. What about all those sorts of things that we think are love? What do you mean by that?”

At some point during the resulting afternoon, Rowan sends an email thanking his printer for her willingness to amend the job queue, ignores his brother’s entry in the competition to provoke the most seasonally-appropriate guilt, and scribbles a note to ask the higher-ups if they’ll spring for a basket of expensive coffee and chocolates sent to said printer.

Damien nods several times, takes dot points on a flyer print-out and the back of the report draft for last week’s holiday event, asks more questions and promises that he’ll remind the higher-ups of their involvement in submitting January’s flyers two weeks late. After eating the rest of his re-heated honey chicken at Rowan’s desk and narrating the story of how his future wife followed him from pub to pub during a crawl for his brother’s buck’s night, Damien concludes that he only experiences attraction for someone after they express attraction for him.

Melanie, having rested her arms on the back of Damien’s chair to overhear the last half of the conversation, gives him a smothering hug and welcomes him to “the quiver” before cackling at Damien’s blank look.

Find a recipro mug, Rowan later scribbles on the bottom of his to-do-list.

At least that job doesn’t involve relatives.

[uninterestiing]

i liked your post on matteo taking his time to process things, so i'd love to know what your thoughts are on david being outed?

hhhhhhhhh well from what i’ve seen in the tag, i disagree with like 90% of youse and was gonna hold my thoughts till later… but since you asked… yeah i reckon its good writing actually.

(beware under the cut, this is long)

so disclaimers before people get big mad: i’ve actually been in the situation depicted. i’m a gay trans guy who came out in year 12 & to me, it’s extremely realistic. teachers in my last year of high school pulled me aside to say all kinds of nasty shit and the rumour of my transness spread around pretty fuckin quickly. it was a fucked time in my life but i didn’t have any issues watching the last clip, i enjoyed it and found it pretty relatable honestly, especially the teacher bit because its a really common thing trans kids go through to be harassed more by staff than students, but i’ve never actually seen it be depicted before… but i’ll also say, im really not easy to upset and almost impossible to offend when it comes to trans stuff. i work as an openly trans person in the media and my skin is very thick, 17 year old me who was experiencing it real-time would have probably been shaken up a bit.

that said, like i discussed in my other post about this, realism doesn’t automatically equal good storytelling! so what is good storytelling?

big subject obviously, but rn i’m gonna define it as a consistency of theme, tone, and character. (its also how well you tie all those things up at the end but i wont comment on that because… druck ain’t finished yet and we need to remember that!) plus, of course, it’s just… whether you like it? which is completely subjective, and something i can only comment on for myself!

so i think the main issue here is that people expect things from druck it never promised them, and from the very beginning was never going to be.

take the perspective issue for example, which effects tone & character immensely. i’ve seen numerous complaints that the show isn’t depicting the trans issues from an internal perspective. which is interesting, since from the very start, we’ve known that was the case. we knew it was matteo’s season, and we knew how very, very closely skam shows follow their protagonists. everything is from their perspective. so i knew it was never gonna be about trans issues from a trans perspective because david was not the main character, he’s the love interest. that was evident from day one ya’ll it’s how the show is structured. and that is Not Inherently A Bad Thing, it’s just not what some of you wanted.

however… druck has stretched the limits of perspective more than any other version. the texts, for instance, are not just the main’s, and do a lot for fleshing out the background characters. also (and this is thematically important) it showed the way outing / spreading of rumours actually happens irl. re-watching the last clip i noticed that they leave matteo’s POV for a second, and “switch” to david as he’s coming down the stairs, realising what’s happening. not so much as to break the consistency of the show’s structure, but enough to make the audience really understand the gravity of what’s happening. it’s done really fluidly and i thought it was a genius way to both keep it matteo’s story, but also, give that moment a much needed trans perspective, because i really don’t think all that ringing distortion sound was matteo’s panic. 

and really, i just don’t think a trans person needs to be the main character of the show for it to be good representation. i think they have done an exceptional job of not tokenizing david by making sure to establish his whole character & his relationship with matteo before his trans identity was confirmed on the show, in the exact same way they do with the other evens and their mental illnesses in every other version. and honestly, when it comes to trans men, there’s very little media stereotypes or negative tropes that they could have conformed to because there’s not enough representation yet for those to have actually formed. like, we know druck won’t kill david off, and i don’t really know any other tropes that exists for trans men in storytelling at the moment. a lot of the show is covering new ground subject wise, they don’t have a script to follow, so some minor blunders are to be expected.

over all, the fandom jumps the gun every damn time. the show decides to have conflict or deal with a social problem and everyone looses it, as if that’s not been the entire ethos of skam since the OG. skam / druck is a teen show that deals with identity issues. every season picks topics to educate on through the story, and they do it with a lot of care and research.that’s the whole deal, it’s why the show exists, fucking of course they aren’t going to brush over trans issues, it amazes me that people thought they would, and that there would be no conflict and it’d play out like fanfiction fluff. here’s another really good post about it.

so obviously, this season is about about being gay and being trans, but specifically about outing, and has stressed this theme all the way through, way more than any other version. so friday’s clip is what i’d call a natural culmination of theme and narrative. in terms of the queer experience, and the trans experience, i think it was a very good idea to take on coming out / outing as a central thematic and narrative through-line, because it’s one of the central things gay and trans people have in common. and then analyzing them both in comparison and contrast throughout the story, really works and makes for good fucking writing, pacing and - yup, you guessed it - consistency.

i find the choice to situate a trans man as the love interest, and therefore, an object of desire, incredibly subversive. and though yes, stories with trans protagonists are lacking, literally any form of story where trans people exist is lacking, and the creators of druck wanting to tell a story about what it means to love & be in a relationship with a trans person is just as important a story to tell as any other, and complaining about what “type” of trans story is more important to tell first, or which aspect of trans existence to highlight more, is ridiculous. at the end of the day, one story cannot cover everything, and the writers had to make choices as to where their focus would lie. and there’s literally nothing wrong with their specific choices in subject matter (being trans in the context of relationship & outing, mainly), other than personal preference.

so like i said in my previous post: wanting a comfort show where trans characters exist, but the trans experience is not plot-relevant, is fine & cool. i really want that too, but not here. getting angry or upset that druck did… exactly what skam shows do… is stupid. and then turning around and blaming your dislike, which is born out of judging a show by the wrong genre standards, on “bad writing”, is just plain wrong. this show is amazingly produced. just… c’mon guys. chill.

(also @ every weird cis person in the tag giving fuckin condolences & saying their askbox is open if someone needs to talk…… stop. literally nobody asked. its so weird. we didn’t put a call out for you to be upset on our behalf. its just a tv show. like its super important rep for us… but its also just a tv show that people can just not watch if its not your cup of tea.)

tl;dr the friday clip was fucking good and made sense because druck is well written, acted, researched and produced, is really not transphobic (in fact i’d say it’s pretty subversive), and it’s also not the creators fault when you’re disappointed by the direction taken in a show that was crystal clear what direction it was headed into!

[auroraborus]

Warning: Mention of dysphoria, self harm

Sexuality and gender are confusing. Even after years wearing one label you may find it's not quite right, other times you have to face the fact that you don't conform to the "standard." I've recently realized- Or more accurately; admitted- That I am not cisgender. As I have mentioned before, I've been closeted to all but a few people my whole life. Sexual orientation (or lack thereof) was loud and demanded to be dealt with, but I feel like gender was quieter.

We live in a society where gender isn't questioned. We don't sit around and talk about our genders like we talk about sexual orientation. If the default for sexuality is to assume straight until proven otherwise, this is ten times more true for gender. It's not just that we don't talk about it, we actively avoid questioning it or bringing it up.

I'm reminded in this thread of a trip my family took to Key West in Florida, USA. Key West is famous for its nightlife, music, and most of all; drag queens. Cross-dressing is so prevalent in Key West that it almost becomes more of the norm than the minority at night. My parents took me on a walk down main street and I saw many new and exciting things. Women wore whatever they wanted, some barely anything at all. Men openly wore skirts and dresses, often decked out with heals and make-up even when they weren't in full drag. All through this wonderful experience, however, I remember my mom reminding me over and over "These are just men having a good time. Some are role playing as characters who will sometimes hit on guys, but most of them are actually straight. Even if they wear dresses and big earrings they are still men." In the words of John Mulaney, we don't have time to unpack all of that. 

What I'm getting at here was the strict reminders and clear message that even when men did feminine things, they were still men.  (If only she had this stance of trans men) At no point should you question their gender or sexuality even if they were making it clear they didn't fall into the heteronormative societal roles. I'm also reminded of a crossplaying panel I attended hosted by an AFAB non-binary cosplayer. They mentioned that even wearing a full beard people would still refer to them with she/her pronouns. People stuck to the role that they thought they belonged in, even with an obvious outward sign that they were nonconforming. Both of these are examples of this unwillingness to open the discussion at all. People are so afraid of stepping outside of the binary structure as they understand it they will willingly misgender a person.

With a society that works to ignore binary-non-conformity I feel like gender exploration becomes taboo. It was much easier to ignore my own discomfort than confront it, especially when I had no idea what else there was. Experimenting with labels and pronouns is really only possible anonymously online until you are pretty sure of your place, and when you are ready to bring it up it's a big deal. The fear of people saying your feelings and experiences are "just a phase" can make it really scary to experiment in case the label or pronouns don't fit.

What the hell is actually wrong with phases, anyway? Sure you are going to grow out of them, but that's natural. You can't teleport from point A to point Z, there are a lot of places to go through in between. I had a phase of being a child, but I became an adolescent and eventually an adult. (by age at least) If I tried to buy alcohol with an underage ID it wouldn't be legal, even though my age is just a phase. See, we need phases to grow. Everything has phases. Until we as a society accept that; experimentation is going to remain terrifying.

So here I am. Living on my own. Out from under the roof that forced me to stay closeted, but rather than feeling free I felt more trapped than ever. It was like loosening the lid on a shaken soda, more space just increased the pressure. It wasn't the first time I had experienced dysphoria, but it certainly was the worst. There was one day where I couldn't manage to put on clothes for hours since my entire wardrobe reeked of binarism. I wanted to cut my hair off, all of it at once. I wanted to cut myself. Suddenly the quiet discomfort that had been growing inside of me for years was very loud and very present. I was forced to use introspection, something I had procrastinated for far too long.

Why, though? Why did I avoid confronting the topic until it became life-threatening? It's not that I am afraid of LGBTQIA+ topics, I already went on the whole journey of realizing I was asexual homo-romantic, which is definitely not one of the garden variety labels. I have many friends who are trans and/or non-binary, as well, so it's not like I was unfamiliar with the subject. I think it really boiled down to two problems, one internal and the other external. 

First, I didn't feel like I deserved to have a "special" identity, basically I told myself I was close enough to Cis to deal and therefore didn't need to make my problems other people's problems by talking about them. Dumb, I know, but this type of thought process happens when you struggle with anxiety and self-hatred.

Second, and possibly more importantly; I was afraid to go outside of my gender box. I was scared that other people would call me a snowflake. I rationalized that I would never pass as anything other than my assigned gender, and I reasoned that my family would be confused and disappointed in me if they found out. The same reasons I struggled with my Ace label, but with a new and fabulous seasoning of "my gender identity doesn't actually affect my life that much." The hypothesis obviously being disproven by my own mental health problems.

I thank God that I do have supportive and accepting friends, but my main concern after finally admitting my gender situation to myself was still "am I confident enough in this to tell other people? Could it be a phase?" Sexuality is hard and gender is confusing. The lack of ability to comfortably experiment is what makes self-exploration so frightening.

You would be bored to tears if I detailed the amount of research I had to do just to find reliable information on gender labels. This not mentioning the self-reflection required to determine how long I had felt disenchanted with binarism and what parts of my identity were direct results of my Asexuality. It took a lot of painful time. Painful? Yes. I felt anguished, out of place. You can wear shoes that are the wrong size for a short amount of time but if you wore them all day they would start to hurt badly. Longer than that and they would reach the point where they were unbearable to wear and you were unable to walk. I had reached that point, and I couldn’t wait to slip into a better fit. The more shoes I looked at, though, the more I thought about my aching feet, and the worse I felt.

Alright, alright. I have danced around it for a long time, I'm sure you are dying to know what shoe- I mean gender- I picked. To continue using the dead analogy with the shoes I realized I was better off barefoot. The only labels that felt okay were genderqueer and agender, agender being the more comfortable of the two. 

I honestly don't know at this point if that's always how I will identify. Also, the finer details of pronouns and names are difficult. I like my name, it's not my fault it belongs to an arbitrary binary system where certain syllable combinations are code for which genitals I had at birth and are associated with assumptions about my gender, personality, and upbringing. Pronouns are weird, too; at the moment I'm just going with whatever people assume since I have no kinship with any particular set, however, this still feels uncomfortable. Gender is an adventure just like everything else in life, and I haven't reached the story goal just yet.

Sexuality and gender are still confusing, but I think healthy exploration and education can really improve the experience. I don't know right now if my labels are permanent, but that's okay. Everything has phases, even the moon, and everything has ebb and flow, even the ocean. I'm learning to accept myself a little more all the time.

[wolvesdevour]

Okay, so the ScarJo thing:

The breakdown is that Scarlett Johansson is playing a transman in a new historical movie. I know tumblr hate-loves the film industry (yay, you’re giving us content, but also: most of you don’t work in the industry, and its a very difficult industry to understand... It’s a weird profession and atmosphere), but this is why I hate a lot of these drama events. TBF, an opinion is an opinion, but there are a LOT of cases where the industry has begged people to help: don’t pirate, support these shows (Community is an example, there), yet fans didn’t follow through. Hence: the hate-love thing.  I’m a trans actor. It’s not my main profession, so I primarily do background work. But, I also know a lot of trans film folks & other trans actors. I see how the system works. Most roles for transmen are for teenagers. As the rule follows with trans actors, you can fill roles 10 years younger because we just look stupidly young... I’m too old for it, though, so... I usually have to decline these roles. I actually usually get cis or “ambiguous” roles. Partly because there are more age-appropriate roles and because I have both hormonally transitioned and have had chest reconstruction surgery. I pass as a cisguy. Most people, period, say they had no idea I was trans. The issue with trans roles is the concept of... Well, “What do you need?” In most cases, they may either need a teenager (and therefore age restrictive) or for different stages of one’s transition. This is especially a problem for people who are some safety concerns. Casting directors and agents are very scared to tell someone “Please don’t take your medications or have surgery that is necessary for your health.” I hope that’s obvious as to why.  But the film industry has other unhealthy practices, you say!? Yes, it fucking does, and we should all be ashamed of those disgusting practices. However, that can often apply to something that is, well, less touchy. (Although maybe things like severe weight/muscle gain/loss really needs to be touchier, more important subject...) How horrible does it sound, for a studio to have “Required a trans person to suffer for years while this film was made,” because they needed them to not take HRT or have a surgery?  And there are some actors who cannot or do not want certain surgeries, but that is not always possible for the role. You’re going to have to ask the actor, most likely, to also play pre-transition scenes. That’s extremely ethically problematic. You can’t just shove them in prosthetics and make-ups. You are literally distressing the person, and again, the film industry has this issue in other areas and that’s fucking disgusting, we should stop that, but again, trans people are a very touchy area and most people I know who work in production want us to be safe and healthy on set.  A lot of trans people I know are horrified at the idea of acting in a pre-transition stage. Some people aren’t. I personally feel okay with this, because it’s acting. That doesn’t mean it likely won’t stress me out, but I don’t feel as horrified as others. Then again, I’m also entirely uncaring about the idea of my pre-transition photos. When my family asked me what to do with them, I said “I was still a boy; that’s still me. Fucking keep them. I don’t care. Go ahead and display them openly in your home.” Most trans people I know can’t stand their old photos... Imagine spending days/weeks, maybe even months or years, trying to appear not as your gender... Especially because of how extremely traumatic that has been for most of our lives.  So, here’s the thing, especially if you’re a cis person: Fuck off about hating ScarJo. Don’t you dare speak for me and us. I don’t care if trans characters are played by cis actors. They’re actors; that’s their job. And don’t you fucking dare say this is just like blackface or brownface or yellowface. Gender and race is different and it dimunizes people of color and their struggles to compare the two as the “same” thing... And it mocks our struggle too. We need more trans roles in film? Yes, we do. But that’s actually a different problem... Because you don’t need to play a trans role to be an actor if you’re trans. We need more movies with trans roles, especially transmen, and we need them to not be “He was teenager, couldn’t transition, was raped, then murdered/killed himself.”  And ya’ll saying that ScarJo’s a failing actress / her movies don’t money? Ya’ll wrong. Her movies statistically do well... Which makes this even more exciting and important. People may actually go see this shit.

[sgtbossman]

Hi Merlia. You probably don’t remember me but honestly, that’s cool. I wrote Boss, Sev, and a Rex way back when. I had good times and made good friends there.

But that’s not the point. I’m here to talk about you. Truth be told, Izzy isn’t the only one who is aware of your doings and is questioning them hard. I think you need a bit of a wake-up call. Izzy is a strong person and is more than capable of defending themselves and it’s not often I do these kinds of posts but this situation has really gotten to me. Perhaps as a fellow white person, you’d hear me out.

First off, “transphobi(a/c)” is not a “scary buzz word and a reddit meme”. It’s an actual thing. Take a long, hard look at yourself.

It’s nice that you admit that you created Kom’rk out of spite, out of anger, to make people mad. If you have a different take and have a desire to make a character, by all means, go for it! But to create a blog specifically to piss people off because you have an extremely petty anger over a headcanon is absolute trolling. You should be old enough by now to understand this but I’m going to lay it out: trolling is a waste of time. I’m not sure what kick you get out of it but I’m 100% sure your efforts could be put to better use elsewhere.

Now then, since you brought “canon” up, let’s discuss this and headcanons.

I’m not well versed in the transgender Kom’rk headcanons, I admit. Or Kom’rk in general. I tend to focus on Delta Squad and even then, I’ve been preoccupied with life situations as of late where I’ve fallen behind on the material. But this headcanon has loads of documentation and justification behind it, not all of which is public, I’m confident. Skype, Discord, Google Docs. These private places exist and are often where people develop material for headcanons and the stories behind them.

To say that this was made because people wanted to make Kom’rk a “trans character punching bag” is completely baseless at the very least. The existing material was picked apart and taken into consideration to this, that much I absolutely guarantee you.

However, let’s bring up the Mereel post you did recently. Because damn, you don’t have even a general understanding of what transgender means, do you? But before we address that…

Even more, Mereel Skirata is one of Kal’s golden boys which means if there was any Null that Kal would be genuinely livid at the lack of embracing and display of traditional Mandalorian Masculinity, as Kal views it- of course. It would be Mereel.

I’m going to call you out for making Mereel the subject of this headcanon because you’re targeting Izzy, the person who writes Mereel and most frequently talks about him on Tumblr. You’re reducing him to this alleged punching bag that you say Kom’rk is when in reality how and why you chose to present these headcanons about Mereel compared to how numerous other people have developed headcanons about Kom'rk are not even close to the same.

As a cis person, you need to carefully think about how you make non-conforming, nonbinary, or transgender headcanons. You don’t make them on a whim as a quick response to being called out for being transphobic which is what this Mereel headcanon feels like. You make them because they feel proper for the character. Well, that response combined with pettiness because you don’t like the person who is portraying them.

Being non-conforming is not the same as being nonbinary. Being nonbinary is not the same as being transgender.

Transgender people identify as transgender because they don’t identify as their assigned gender at birth. Not merely because they are discarding norms.

Perhaps most importantly, being transgender cannot and should not be equated to those individuals rebelling against their parents, the society they live in, or to make people mad over this idea of traditional masculinity/femininity standards in society.

As someone who has a close friend who, while having so many resources available, has struggled with coming to terms of their identity over years and are still struggling with it, on top of their personal relationships that have been affected or destroyed (family, friends)? This is insulting and you should be ashamed of this post. If there’s any bit of your content that points to you being “trans-phobic” (again, it’s transphobic), it’s this post.

Yes, your post is dealing with Star Wars but it has a very real basis in the real world and that should be taken into account.

Then you mention Tumblr URLs and tags. Nobody cares that you have The URL™. (See? Faux trademarks aren’t just yours to use. And it doesn’t make your argument cute.) Truly, it’s not this badge of honor that you should wear. What should matter is the content and the person behind it which, honestly, is lacking significantly. To say that people shouldn’t post their headcanons in character tags that do absolutely no harm to either the character or actual people is ridiculous.

Throwing a headcanon in a tag helps push an idea into the general public’s sight, allowing people who maybe have briefly thought about it but didn’t think of an extreme amount of detail into it, perhaps thinking it wasn’t feasible, is absolutely allowed and should be encouraged! This is how the fandom interacts, grows, and finds commonalities that people can enjoy and possibly even relate to. I admit that I get annoyed at certain headcanons or posts in character tags (not limited to Star Wars) but I just move on. To shame people for throwing headcanons that don’t harm the character, people, or are morally reprehensible into a publicly accessible tag is disgraceful.

I’m not sure how often you frequent other tags for characters but people post their headcanons all the time. This alleged ownership of the tag just because you have the URL is honestly amusing. I had the URL “garazeb” for a good amount of time for my personal and people posting actual “Garazeb Orellios” content under it filled the tag. I was never vocal, never told people to get out of the tag. You live with the fact that since you chose a name for a tag, you get the tag filled with it. If you don’t like it, move on from your URL. However, you clearly don’t want to do that so you’ll have to live with it. Or come up with a separate tag to track. These are easy things to accomplish.

Now then, I want to finish with the racial aspect. Oh yes, there’s a race aspect.

Bringing up that Star Wars is owned by George Lucas (which hasn’t been true since 2012), a white man, and the Republic Commando series of books was written by Karen Traviss, a white woman, does nothing to help you. In fact, it should hurt to write that. By bringing this up, you’re strongly hinting that Star Wars is content for white people and white people only. Star Wars is for everyone, including people whose experiences don’t mirror yours or the general white person’s experience in life.

Making a statement about Lucas and Traviss being white, which you see as passive because you are white, is alienating to people of color and threatening to say that people of color don’t belong in the fandom. If you don’t see this, please take a step back and examine it. There is a bit of unconscious racism whenever it’s brought up and it is hard to overcome that, believe me. I check myself constantly and I will do that until I die because the unconscious racism is something ingrained in me because of society.

(In a passing note, I want to say that you throwing your arguments out with “U wanna meme shame me” and “???????” included while everybody else is providing decent arguments doesn’t help your case.)

So please, take a step back. This is a lot to take in and think about, I understand. Realize that you don’t have the moral high ground on this. Realize that maybe you should stop playing the victim here and understand that people have different experiences than you.

I can’t tag you in anything it seems (probably blocking via proximity to my friends) so I hope you’ve been able to read this. I hope you take this to consideration and take it to heart. Be better than this.

P.S., indirectly attacking people’s backgrounds and belittling them because of it is something you should also stop doing. Look into it.

[queerasart-blog]

In the eyes of... | Issue 0

DANISH GIRL, story of a transgender artist

The LGBT+ matter is not only a concern for LGBT+ representatives; it is open to friendly, curious, who would like to gain a better understanding of the subject, of the way it is lived, of what they have to say to be natural, etc. Art is a great way to confront them with this matter and help them grasp it in a better way. Thus, in this column, we interview people who are at the outmost friendly to the LGBT community, but not an integrant part of it, to show how this matter is of concern for everyone, and how they react when being confronted to this community. Does Art help them grasp the matter more profoundly? Do they feel more at ease with it?

I collected the answers of two girls, respectively 18 and 21 years-old. One went with me, the other with her mother, and they both saw Danish Girl, starring Eddie Redmayne and Alicia Vikander, directed by Tom Hooper. We are well aware of the polemic this movie created — should a male actor be chosen for the role of Einar/Lili? Why not use a transgender actress? Likewise, a polemic was also impulsed when the movie won no SAG Awards, with people depreciating the voters for their lack of implication in the LGBT community. However, I won’t give here my own opinion on these matters - what is of interest in this column is really to show how this movie was perceived by non-LGBT people, how it might have stimulated them, led them to a better comprehension of the cause. I cannot say it was the best movie for them to get involved in the community, due to the polemic etc, but you’ll see by reading the lines below how they themselves understand that watching a single movie is far from enough to fully comprehend a cause. Well then, here we go!

Q : First of all, could you describe the movie in a sentence? And in another, could you tell me what you felt whilst leaving the dark room? Simply talking about the movie’s aesthetics, its beauty, etc. would you say it is a great movie?

Léa - The film recalls the story of the first transgender woman, all her suffering and the obstacles she had to cross to become a woman physically speaking. Leaving the room, I was slightly touched, with new perspectives on the transgender community. Moreover, yes, clearly, it’s a great movie, not only because of the plot, but thanks to the music, to the costumes, the backgrounds, the sets, the realisation... It’s a movie that is, let me say it, an artistic feat.

Amélie - The movie is on the journey of a danish transgender woman in the 20th century, with the difficulties she encounters either coming from the society but also from confronting her beloved. I was truly heartbroken when leaving the cinema, as I got attached to the characters and full of compassion towards them, and thus it made me even more sad. I really liked the way the shots were filmed, the aesthetic and the work on each details, even more when we begin to feel the progressive apparition of Lily, until she is completely there.

Q : Do you believe this movie to be a great way to apprehend the transgender question? Do you feel like you are able to better grasp the questions that strike involved individuals? the cause itself?

L - I do believe it is indeed a good first step in the matter, as it does not leave one untouched, and gives us a vision maybe more enlightened on transsexuality. I feel like I have a better understanding of the stakes of this matter as the movie presents us a character to whom we end up attached, and all the suffering she felt, with a great realisation and a good cast. The movie invites us to a deeper thinking, it’s a call to reflexion on the transgender community, to which we wouldn’t have had ordinarily got an interest into.

A - Yes, totally. I went to the movies with my mum who was not really open on the matter; however when we left the room she told me she had been able to understand her ill- being, without finding it weird, which makes me think that the subject is really well explained. The fact that Einar is represented in the beginning as somebody like any other also helps identifying, I believe, to make people understand that transgenders are no different than others.

Q: Were you disturbed by the movie? Do you believe it to be too much in the emotions rather than really trying to sensibilise to the T-cause?

L- There’s one moment which perturbed me a little; it’s when they were trying to “cure” Lily from her “illness” by using electroshocks. I found that horrible and was truly disgusted. To see the character suffer that much can disturb, and it’s not really a wonderful scene to watch... Yes, we can say that the movie does concentrate on a “sentimentalist” approach by focusing a bit on the love story, for example, but in a way, I think it helps to sensibilise people. The movie wasn’t talking about transsexuality as a documentary would do, but with a real human vibe. It’s not a cold point of view, presenting the community as a Wikipedia article would do. It’s not a movie where we are given all the possible definitions of someone’s gender, all the knowledge about the transgender and transsexual community, but a movie that helps understanding better. Touching us is also part of that process. To really understand something, I believe that we have to be touched, that we shall, if not being totally concerned, at least feel close to this matter.

A - I wasn’t disturbed by the movie - at the outmost, a bit of uneasiness in the beginning, where everything is still in the untold, but it cleared up quite quickly. I don’t really know what is the “great way” to sensibilise to the T-cause, but even if the movie plays a bit too much on the sentimental cords, I don’t think it can harm it. Personally, I don’t feel like the movie made too much of it.

Q: There was a debate on the fact that a cis- gender heterosexual male actor was chosen to play Lili. What do you think of that? Does that choice seem logical to you?Questionable?

L - The choice seems logical, or Lili wouldn’t have had the possibility to have an operation to obtain the genitals that goes with her gender. I believe a transgender is someone who has biological genitals opposed to their gender, thus it sounds logical to have chosen a male for that role.

A- I wasn’t aware at all of that debate, so I might not be really answering like I should... However, I do think it was a great choice, I don’t see what we could reproach him. He’s really convincing and plays his role very well.

Q: What do you think of the couple’s relation? Of the way the transsexuality is dealt with by the two of them?

L- I find their relation touching and sad. We’re witnesses of the “degradation” of their couple, of their suffering, but we also get the point of view of the transgender individual but also the one of the beloved, and how the situation affects both of them. I think that Gerda reacted in a logical way. There was the need for a moment of comprehension, of assimilation, for her to accept that her husband was no more. And the most wonderful is that this love remains, though in a different way. 

A - I think that their relation is what touched me the most in the film. I believe that both of them are really strong individuals. I admire Gerda to have accepted and continued to love and protect Lili even though Lili imposed herself in spite of her husband, whilst living the loss of the latter. I had more troubles identifying Lili’s feelings towards Gerda, though. She’s not in love with her anymore, however we do feel how fond of her she is.

Q: One last question to conclude! Do you believe this movie to be, overall, a movie you’d recommend to grasp the T question?

L - Yes, I’d do that. As I said before, to understand, we have to feel at least a little touched, close to the matter, and that’s what the movie does. However, it’s not enough. I do believe some complementary researches could help grasping a maximum of stakes. Personally, I had a vague interest for the transgender matter a little before the movie came out, and I thus had done some researches to try and understand. Though I still think I need a lot more of things to search more until I fully grasp everything. However, that’s were the film is of a great start, as it helps us gain even more interest in the transgender cause.

A - I do believe I’d recommend it! However, I’m not personally touched by the T-cause. I don’t have any close friends or acquaintances that are trans, so I can’t really judge the movie’s accuracy.

You feel like discussing one of their answer? Feel like enlightening them on a specific matter? Our mail is open to you.

[glenngaylord]

…AND THE REST - My Capsule Reviews of Stray Films from 2018

Call it sheer laziness, or perhaps I’m fulfilling some twisted fantasy where I get to slay a bunch of proverbial dragons all at once, but I caught up on some year-end screeners and just didn’t feel like writing full-on reviews.  So here are my hot takes on the strays that almost got away:

THE SISTERS BROTHERS (4 Stars)

An extremely engaging anti-Western featuring fantastic performances from John C. Reilly, Joaquin Phoenix, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Riz Ahmed is slightly marred by an anti-climactic yet still unexpected ending.  Up until then, I loved its subversiveness, the beautiful cinematography and score, and the bursts of tragedy erupting from its often comical tone.  A simple tale of two hitmen charged with killing a gentle chemist who has invented a new way to pan for gold, the film finds its beauty in little details such as when Reilly uses a toothbrush or flushes a toilet for the first time.  Bonus points for casting the great Alison Tolman, a vividly hardened Carol Kane, and especially trans actor Rebecca Root as a nefarious town owner.  I’m especially proud that Root plays a cis female. More talented trans actors like her should get cast in roles which have nothing to do with gender identity.  That it happens in the most patriarchal of genres, the western, speaks volumes about this film. There’s also an unexplored hint of a gay relationship, which gives the movie a sense of unfulfilled longing.  Each character seems to want something they can never have. It’s a subtle but lovely undertone which gives this often goofy film a little depth.  Jacques Audiard (A PROPHET, RUST AND BONE) makes his English language debut here and has a great feel for quirky interactions and the loopy storytelling at play.  It’s the BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID of its time…but instead of going out with a bang, it does so with a beautiful whimper.  Flaws and all, it’s one of the best films of the year.

BEAUTIFUL BOY (2 Stars)

Ugh. This isn’t even a movie. There’s no real story. It just keeps repeating itself to death and then ends.  Yes, it mirrors the cycle of addiction that plague so many people, but that doesn’t make for good storytelling.  Timothée Chalamet does some great work when portraying his character’s addiction to heroin, but I never believed him as a meth addict.  There’s a distinction that I don’t think he quite captured.  Steve Carell here has that annoying high pitch in his voice we typically see from Tom Cruise when he plays an end-of-his-rope character.  Major points deducted for the terrible choice to edit a montage to “Sunrise/Sunset” from FIDDLER ON THE ROOF.  Who thought that worked?  I want names!!

THE WIFE (3 Stars)

If Glenn Close wins the Oscar for this, it will be well-deserved and not the Al Pacino/SCENT OF A WOMAN award for past legendary performances.  She holds a master class in controlled, silent rage in a film which, unfortunately, would have been better realized as a stage play.  The 11th hour on-the-nose dialogue feels like a misstep, but what comes before works so well in showing off a thoughtful, true, unexpected study of a life subjugated to a man who got to coast.  

THE OLD MAN & THE GUN (4 Stars)

A simple, easygoing joy anchored by Robert Redford delivering a charming swan-song to his career portraying a lifelong bank robber who refuses to quit.  Just seeing him paired up with the wonderful Sissy Spacek made me wonder why that has never happened before.  A third act montage brought me to tears as we flipped through the pages of a diary, understanding in some cockeyed way, that to stop what you love doing means to die.

THE CAKEMAKER (3 1/2 Stars)

This surprisingly beautiful, subtle film is perhaps the best movie ever made that has the worst poster EVER MADE!  I mean seriously, who thought the Dime Store Novel approach would adequately represent such a warm, cinematic experience. The tale follows a German pastry chef who falls in love with a married Israeli man, who dies, launching an obsessive journey for our titular character.  He travels to Israel and ends up working for the widow of his dead boyfriend. It takes some unexpected turns, features very little dialogue to visually convey the different ways grief plays out on loved ones.  It’s tender, sweet, heartbreaking and perfectly acted.  It doesn’t hurt that it’s also dessert porn heaven.

BLINDSPOTTING (3 1/2 Stars)

A tad overstuffed…oh who am I kidding…it’s completely overstuffed in that first time director kinda way…but it’s filled with energy, passion and a unique look at friendship, race, gentrification, and how we see or don’t see each other simultaneously.  David Diggs and Rafael Casal, who co-wrote, take a buddy stoner comedy and turn it on its ear.  It spins its wheels at times, but there’s something fresh and bold about it nonetheless.  Like the inferior SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, it has a lot going on, but our two BLINDSPOTTING leads make you care.

A PRIVATE WAR (3 1/2 Stars)

It’s nice to see a fierce woman at the center of the familiar journalist in a war zone story, and Rosamund Pike’s unsparingly aggressive performance as Marie Colvin, a BBC correspondent who lost an eye and wore a patch, makes her a “Fifth Estate Pirate” for the ages.  This true portrayal of a woman whose outrage led her into deadly conflicts may seem like a lot of typing at computer screens, smoking, and fighting with editors to let her get into increasingly dangerous situations, but this urgently directed film wants to shake us out of our selfie-culture complacency and ask ourselves if we would be anywhere as ballsy and brave as Marie.  Jamie Dornan surprises with an earthy, edgy performance as her photographer, reminding us that he has more than 50 shades to him.  It’s an imperfect film, episodic but impactful, but Pike is the real show, literally and figuratively exposing us to a woman whose imperfections were matched by her passion and heroism.  

THE BALLAD OF BUSTER SCRUGGS (4 Stars)

In this anthology of short Westerns, the Coen Brothers mine the subject of death for all it’s worth, producing a thrilling, at times hilarious, ominous, tragic, dazzlingly shot experience.  While I loved each segment, Zoe Kazan broke my heart as a single woman on a wagon train searching for a way to pay her driver in “The Gal Who Got Rattled”.  Tim Blake Nelson uses his physicality and down-home country chops to create the disarmingly dangerous title character, and Tom Waits has the final word on playing grizzled as a gold miner who just might be digging his own grave.  Liam Neeson has one chilling moment you won’t soon forget and James Franco, who looked just like Dominic West in his opening tight closeup, has the best line in the bunch when he looks over at his fellow doomed man next to him.  Each story is preceded by a a drawing, the title, and a few key words, and it’s fun to find out how they play into the story to follow.  The Coen Brothers, no surprise here, are among the greatest absurdist storytellers of our time, and with these cohesive, beautiful films, they show subtlety and great heart.

[phaylenfairchild]

The Ongoing Problem With Trans Representation in Media

The Crying Game

In 1992, as a budding Transgirl who hadn’t yet heard the word “Transgender” nor knew anything about gender or sexuality, I watched an film by Neil Jordan called “The Crying Game.” It was dubbed “The Most Shocking Film Of The Year” by entertainment magazines. At the time, I had an insatiable longing for people I could relate to on film, and often had to substitute women as figures of my future intent; I wanted Richard Gere to sweep me away like he had Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I wants to slither around like Catwoman, with that brilliant confidence that was the perfect mix of bad ass girl power and unapologetic confidence. She was my revenge idol. I wanted to flip-flop, cartwheel and yoga pose into school and kick the shit out of my bullies while making them all love me at the same time.

But the Character of Dil in “The Crying Game” was most accurate to who I knew I was becoming. This androgynous, beautiful woman captivated me. Dil was the lover of a soldier, Jody, played by the incredible Forest Whittaker, a man held prisoner by the IRA who pleads with a fellow solider and friend, Fergus, to protect Dil. She unwittingly becomes the subject of both fascination and affection of Fergus.

Through the course of the film, the two fall in love, and when it comes to the pivotal moment where the characters start becoming intimate- it takes a dark turn.

As Fergus begins to disrobe Dil in the bedroom of her bedroom, he gets on his knees, expecting to find female genitalia and instead reveals a penis.

Yes, right there. A penis. And if you saw it in the cinema, a 12 foot tall image of a penis. On a woman. Fergus twisted away in disgust and proceeds to vomit immediately. Then, he hits her.

I remember being horrified- my breathe caught in my throat- not because she had a penis, but because he acted with such sudden and unexpected repulsion over someone he was just kissing and intending to bed.

The film was marketed on the Trans “Surprise.” Studios launched campaigns for audiences not to give away the ending.

In the afterglow of The Crying Game, Transphobic rhetoric became more aggressive than ever in cinema. Who can forget Ace Ventura, played by Jim Carey, belllowing “Einhorn is a man?!” in reference to the character played by Sean Young, and then heaving into the toilet at the very notion an attractive woman might not have a vagina.

Transwomen were reduced to bawdy, comedic or grotesque twists by lazy writers in Hollywood. The go-to joke. The trend continued throughout the 90’s and well into the 2000’s. With what little Trans characters there were on screen, they were always the subject of comedy or villainy. Because, for some reason, it’s still an outrageous knee-slapper to see a sexy woman you suddenly discover has male genitalia or much easier to hate her, so they make her the freakish bad guy, such as in Sleepaway Camp, like some dangerous modern day Frankenstein who will curl their hair, twirl their penis then sit your throat.

More recently, the Trans representation in film has changed in context- with sweeping period dramas like “The Danish Girl” — which won an Oscar for the cisgender actor, Eddie Redmayne, playing the role of a Trans woman. Or, the “Dallas Buyers Club” — which won an Oscar for the cisgender actor, Jared Leto, playing the role of a Trans woman. However, the year that Redmayne won his Oscar for putting on a dress and pretending to be Trans, a film that had been far better received critically, Tangerine, which featured two actual Transwomen played by Transwomen, was snubbed, despite receiving nominations or awards by every other organization the entire awards season. The Academy demonstrated they’d rather give an award to a man tepidly playing a Transwoman, than a Transwoman giving an incredible performance.

Of course, those Transwomen were playing sex workers. I have it on good authority from my Trans identifying actress friends that it’s almost impossible to get roles for anything else. “All I get offers for are prostitutes,” one accomplished actress told me. “If we want access to work we either have to be a prostitute, a mistress, a self-hating trans person, dead or dying of AIDS, or willing to be ridiculed for comedic value. That’s where we are. In 2018.”

But, some will argue the merits of “Transparent,” The Amazon series that features a middle aged man, portrayed by Jeffery Tambor, who transitions from male to female later in life. It is the first television show to take viewers on that journey, one which details the experiences of those in the orbit of the transitioning main character, including her children and ex wife, without exploiting it as sensationalist. “Transparent” features a plethora of Trans identifying artists, both in front of the camera and behind it. While the primary stars are all cisgender performers, Alexandra Billings, Trace Lysette and the iconic Candis Cayne are all series regulars. Zackary Drucker and Our Lady J feature as producers. It appears to be our staple; our one single thing we’re allowed. Unfortunately, although heavily awarded, it’s not got very broad appeal. It’s a series by Transgender people, about Transgender people… so mainstream remains a little stand-offish. It’s “That Transgender show.”

That’s not surprising. We Trans people working in media have to pave our own way, create our own projects, self produce them, star in them. If we try to intermingle cisgender society within our works, we’re typically turned away. As a writer, I’ve had my screenplays turned down by many companies exclusively because, despite having a cisgender lead, it has a trans character. In a fantasy film I wrote which was a finalist in Outfest International’s Screenplay competition, the response I received from interested production companies wanted me to turn the Trans girl into a “traditional” girl. Every film I write has a Trans character, not just because I’m politically advocating the normalizing of Trans people in everyday society, but because I refuse to create worlds in which we do not exist simply for the comfort of mainstream audiences. “Why does she need to be Trans?” An agent once asked me.

“Why not?” I answered.

Orange is the New Black was lauded for it’s inclusion of a Trans character, played by a Transgender woman, Laverne Cox. Because gender diverse characters in media are so rare, it catapulted her well beyond the boundaries of performance into the realm of social activism. That same attention and expectation destroyed Caitlyn Jenner who was no longer just allowed to be the tabloid mainstay by proxy of the Kardashians, but now had to be our fearless leader, our ambassador to cigender tribes. There are about five Trans figures that cisgender audiences can name: Caitlyn Jenner being the most notable along with Cox on a lesser scale. Others paying attention know that the Wachowskis, directors of the successful Matrix franchise both transitioned and Jazz Jennings, the teenager with her own reality show on that channel that also shows My 600 lb Life and Sister Wives. Cis people don’t know Janet Mock, although her work is invaluable, but they heard a Transgirl took on Rose McGowan at a book signing. Our names cross their facebook feeds when the news reports our deaths. Beyond that, we’re people not allowed to use bathrooms in certain states, a word that is banned by the CDC, and reduced to that one Transgender person who did something that one time which the media loves to exploit for a headline in a fleeting story. Especially when it’s salacious. When former Playboy Playmate, Kendra Wilkinson’s basketball star husband, Hank Baskett, had an alleged affair with a woman, the media latched on like a thirsty tick to the ass-end of a fat dog because that his mistress was Transgender. Of course, despite evidence, he denied it, and the couple leveraged the scandal to maximize ratings and profits by following the controversy on their reality show. They even starred in their own one-hour special to discuss it. Similarly, the media pounced at the opportunity to reveal the alleged affair that Jennifer Lopez’s then boyfriend, Casper Smart, was having with a Transwoman he met on Instagram. Then there was the story of Michael Phelps, the olympic gold medalist who had an ongoing, but secret relationship with an intersex woman- one which he never denied, but ignored instead. In every case, the transwoman is vilified by the media, like some sexual predator; A succubus who cast a spell of seduction on innocent men. That’s when the media pays attention.

That’s problematic. The fact that mainstream society possesses more general awareness of cis actors who play Trans characters, or random Transwomen involved in scandals does nothing to improve our actual visibility, or integrate us into mainstream culture. It alienates us further onto the fringes of society.

We’re like the unicorns of media. When one of us pops up and garners any attention for something other than simply being Trans or scandalous, people react with; “Wow, you really do exist.”

Far and few are the opportunities for Trans actors and actresses, filmmakers and film writers. It’s not because there are too few of us, it’s because when Hollywood looks at us, they don’t see our potential, they see a political cause. An embattled, marginalized person. When we disclose our trans status to people, they suddenly lose sight of our face and instead see the last anti-trans headline they read splashed across out forehead- and maybe they feel sad. Maybe they feel that if they’re uncomfortable or distracted exclusively by the fact that we’re trans, moviegoers, television viewers and the greater cisgender community will be too.

Perhaps this is why we haven’t really seen a transgender performer portray a non-trans role- unless you count Candis Cayne playing a fairytale creature in The Magicians. Cayne is such a brilliant performer she could play anything. She’s stunning, she’s captivating onscreen, she’s a staggeringly talented actress���

But apparently, despite the multitude of cisgender actors playing trans in media, she isn’t allowed to play a ciswoman… just trans, and maybe a unicorn.

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