#literally anyone can feel free to send me writing questions whenever you want!!

[courtney-deserved-better]

I’m curious about your writing process. Like do make outlines from start to finish, or plan things out as you go. I love how your writing feels so well written and planned out, like everything you write has some sort of payoff. Anyways sorry for rambling😅, have a good day❤️❤️❤️❤️

ooo this is such a great question! my long fics generally tend to be pretty planned out. but ive been learning recently that having less of a plan and just jumping into a story is actually better for my motivation and for plot points happening organically. part of the reason i tend to write competition fics as opposed to other settings is that the structure of total drama allows me to do less planning and rely on what comes up spontaneously because i already have a framework im operating within. so i tend to plan out elimination orders and general arcs for characters.

i would say of my long fics, slippery slopes is the most planned out, amicus curiae is somewhere in the middle, and reprised and the courtney time travel au are the least planned out. i had very specific scenes i wanted to have happen each chapter of slippery slopes and i think part of why it's a strong fic is because a lot was planned out in advance (like, months and months in advance). but there were still moments that surprised me (alejandro and courtney's friendship was never meant to happen) and caused me to deviate from my plan for the better.

i started writing amicus curiae on a whim and i got 40k words in before i realized that the courtnemma relationship would work way better if they actually knew each other before the fic started (originally they met on the show). it was a really good discovery but unfortunately meant i had to rewrite ~20 chapters to fit that which was a pain in the ass but ultimately for the better. amicus curiae was a fic where i was really figuring things out as they went along (i changed who the winners would be 3 times) but i still had a clear idea of the personal journeys i wanted the characters to go through that weren't necessarily reliant on the competition/structure (ask me about this more once im able to talk without spoiling it!!)

the courtney time travel au is a serious experiment in that its very focused on interpersonal relationship and yet almost no eliminations are planned out in advance. everything is very spontaneous despite being a rewrite of the first season both for me and for courtney in the fic. which i think helps it not become too rote! but i also have no idea how things are going to go from point a (the basic straining chapters, which i just finished) to point b (the post finale chapters).

im writing reprised for fun as something low stakes and silly (because i love amicus curiae but its angsty enough that writing it can be emotionally exhausting sometimes) and i have the elimination order decided and very basic arcs/plot points for some of the characters but its open ended enough that i can have fun with it! and it probably wont end being one of my more narratively strong fics but that's okay <3

one of my more recent struggles with amicus curiae has been spending so much time developing the alenoah and courtnemma relationships that i find myself going aaaaa!! how am i gonna get these two together before the fic is over?? its really taught me to have a clear idea of when character dynamics shift, especially for romantic ones that are going to get together sometime throughout the fic. i love pining but i find pining for almost the whole fic and then only having the characters get together and be in a relationship for like two seconds at the end to be somewhat narratively unsatisfying.

so yeah i would say i try to plan out the character & character relationship arcs and i use the structure of competition fics for framework, but i don't plan out many details/specific scenes before i write them unless they pop into my head and then ill write the idea down and come back to it when its time to write the scene. i find that not planning out conversations/interactions can make dialogue much more organic when i write it on the spot and can lead to new discoveries about the characters.

as for payoff, i tend to go for the general rule of chekhov's gun: if there's a gun in the first act, it has to go off in the third act. basically, i try not to introduce any narrative threads if i don't intend to resolve them in some way later on in the fic. for example in slippery slopes, i introduced my version of alejandro's family issues with him alluding to his oldest brother carlos distancing himself from his family, and in the last chapter i have carlos showing up for alejandro and helping him get away from his family as well. pretty much as soon as i started writing alejandro thinking about carlos, i knew carlos would be there for him in the end.

planning things out can be super helpful and i certainly couldn't start writing a long fic without having any kind of plan, but ive found that having suuuper detailed outlines and knowing every little thing that's going to happen in advance is personally stifling for me as a writer and kills my motivation. so im learning to strike a healthy balance.

thank you so much for this ask! i love talking about writing!

[sleepy-yet-intruiged]

hihi Sleepy, welcome!! may I ask for some fluffy general romantic relationship headcanons with Octavinelle? or if you'd prefer to write for only one character per time, just Jade is fine!

Azul Ashengrotto & Jade Leech Fluff HCs

[i’m so sorry anon, but I couldn’t get any inspiration for Floyd. if you want him as well, feel free to send in another request. i hope you don’t mind! this is my first time ever writing TWST x reader, so please excuse me if anything seems OOC.]

Azul Ashengrotto

oh man

you mean so much to this octopus, you have no idea

someone who genuinely likes him for who he is and praises him with no ulterior motive?? boy howdy he is DEEP in love

enjoys taking you on dates whenever he has the free time

relaxing walks, a romantic dinner date in his lounge, or even cuddling together (although he gets quite flustered whenever you convince him to do this)

lowkey tries to keep you away from the tweels because he knows they’re gonna tease and embarass him to no end

may or may not have tried to get you to work at Mostro Lounge once

but only once!! he was just a tad bit understaffed at the time, and who better to ask for help than his beloved, capable partner?

he might not seem like it, but he REALLY loves hearing your praise

any kind of genuine compliment will make his heart flutter, even if he acts all smug on the outside

and if you praise his octopus form…

cue happy and flustered Azul who isn’t used to people liking his mer form, except for the tweels who just comment on how tasty-looking he is

don’t worry, he’ll be sure to repay your kindness with free meals at Mostro Lounge and cuddle nights <3

Jade Leech

where do I even begin?

this man looks at you the same way he looks at his mushrooms

it’s not easy to win this particular eel’s heart

but he ADORES you, and everything about you

be prepared for hiking trips and long talks about mushrooms

if you ever stop by Mostro Lounge and he’s your waiter…

oh boy

I hope you’re ready for quite a bit of flirting~

he’s surprisingly (or maybe unsurprisingly) protective of you, and will literally scare away anyone who dares to mess with you

as much of a dork he can be, he’s still THE Jade Leech, and won’t hesitate to resort to drastic measures for your sake

people often question whether or not his love for you is real

if you’re worried, he assures you that it is, and any doubts are instantly washed away when he gently holds your hand and gives a heartfelt speech on everything he loves about you

which is just about everything

your voice, your looks, your personality…

he’s most honest when he’s with you

Floyd is happy with you too, mainly because his brother is finally giving his mushrooms to someone besides him

all in all, 10/10 would recommend having Jade as a boyfriend :)

[microwave-core]

SWSH Headcanons

I love sword and shield and the chokehold these characters have on me, but if I ever tried to write dialogue for most of them I would have a stroke, so have this instead.

I’ve written a bit for Sonia before, but there is one point that I completely forgot to bring up, and that is how absolutely excited she is to share her research and discoveries with you. She loves her job (most of the time), and is absolutely going to blab to you about it, so be prepared.

You don’t have to understand everything she’s saying, you likely won’t, but that’s okay. Just listening and trying your best to work through what she’s saying will be enough for her. Feel free to ask as many questions as you want, she will answer each and every one of them with incredible enthusiasm. But if you understand what she’s talking about, she would fucking ascend on the spot from happiness.

Please have a girl's night with her. Get holed up in her room while spilling trashy gossip all night while painting each other’s nails over cheap wine, she’ll love you forever. She’d jokingly ask if you had a crush on anyone when you’re already dating and act all innocent and teasing about it, like, “aww, you had a crush on me??” when you’ve literally been dating for years.

Yamper goes everywhere Sonia goes. You can expect him to be begging at your feet whenever you meet up with her, wanting nothing more than for you to bend down and shower him in love and affection. He’s a good boy and he knows it. Sonia might send him off to fetch you when she’s busy, so please trot behind him slowly. He wants to lead you there and doesn’t want to fall behind.

I’ve brought this up before, but Leon would be so supportive. Sonia is his bestie, so when you get into a relationship, he wants to meet you as soon as possible. Man just loves his friends and is so happy when they get into loving, meaningful relationships. He also knows a lot about you because Sonia has gushed about how much she loves you to him on several occasions. He can seem kind of intimidating with his status and all, but he’ll definitely end up thinking highly of you.

And I have to mention Hop as well, because he’s also very supportive. He takes it upon himself to be Sonia’s wingman when she’s pinning. When Leon’s not available, she’ll blab to Hop instead. The second you meet, he begins planning your wedding. Be prepared. 

But that’s not all, because Nessa is also Sonia’s bestie. She’s the only one of the three that you really have to worry about, as she won’t hesitate to speak her mind if she has any kind of issue with you, but she ultimately knows how much you mean to Sonia, and so she has no choice but to be supportive. Anyways, if Sonia takes too long to confess her feelings for you, she’ll get Leon and Hop together to form a plan to make it happen. Sonia is mortified.

Nessa… Need I say more? She is the woman of all time, with one of, if not the, best design in the entire series. She’s gorgeous, she’s powerful, she’s described as having an “indomitable nature”, what more do I have to say?

Unfortunately, as both a model and a gym leader, she’s a busy gal, always running to and fro to get work done. She’ll always try to squeeze in time for you, but that doesn’t always work out, much to her dismay. It also means that many, many people are going to be jealous of you. This goes for all of the gym leaders and champion as well, considering they are essentially celebrities in Galar, but Nessa may as well be in a league of her own.

Many people have crushes on Nessa, both young and old alike, so finding out that she’s taken is a crushing blow. You’re gonna end up with weirdos that hate your guts for daring to date their crush, which sucks. But on the other hand, you’ll also have weirdos who are completely obsessed with you and  your relationship and want to know every little intimate detail. You decide which is worse.

Speaking of being a model, expect to be roped into a photoshoot every now and then. Nessa loves you and thinks you are drop-dead gorgeous, so, naturally, she’s not above pulling some strings to fit in a shoot or two with you. Expect to at least have a Valentines photoshoot every year, since it’s the most obvious way to show off how great of a couple you two are. 

Nessa yearns for the ocean. Having grown up in a sea-side town with fishermen for parents, she’s used to floating out into the ocean and just relaxing. When she’s feeling stressed and pent up, she’ll drift out into the blue abyss with one of her pokemon, staring into the sky above while being rocked gently by the waves. She’d love it if you joined her sometime.

She also really likes fishing. She often comes back to her roots, which leads her to pulling out the full fishing ensemble, “fish fear me women want me” hat included, and getting onto a dinky boat to sail off into the middle of the ocean to fish for hours on end. You are asked to join her on these trips, but they aren’t super exciting unless you absolutely love fishing.

She has pictures of you everywhere. In her gym locker, in her wallet, on her phone, around her house, in Sonia’s lab, everywhere. They’re almost entirely pictures that she’s taken, too. While she is by no means a photographer, she knows a few things about taking good pictures from modeling, and loves to use that knowledge to take wonderful pics of you (not that you don’t look wonderful all the time). Her phone’s lockscreen and wallpaper are also pictures of you, obviously.

So I don’t have a sword so I am not as familiar with Bea, but her design alone is enough for me to write for. 

Girly pop is stoic, but she’s not unbreakable. It’s not the easiest task, but it’s absolutely worth your time to make her smile and laugh. That being said, it makes her very embarrassed and flustered, so please spare her and her image and only do so when in private.

She thinks about you a lot. Bea’s been trained to remain calm and collected, even in tense situations, which makes it difficult for opponents to read her in the heat of the moment. Little do they know she’s just thinking about what her girlfriend is up to at the moment. Were you doing alright? Were you in the stadium watching her match? Were you cheering her on? She hopes so.

Is not above using you to indulge in her love of sweets. She has the biggest sweet tooth in the league, but has a hard time actually eating them without garnering too much attention. So, when she wants to have something sweet, she’ll bring you with her and play it off like it was your idea, therefore she was just following you and being a good girlfriend and not just getting dessert.

Training never stops with this one. She works out all the time, and will invite you to come sometimes. Her training is incredibly rigorous, though, so you likely won’t be able to keep up. Sitting on the sidelines and cheering her on or helping her workout in some kind of way are more than acceptable in her mind. Easiest way to help her is to sit on her back while she does push ups, it helps her workout while also getting to be close with you. Don’t expect her to be talking too much, though.

Her training sometimes brings her to remote locations in the region, and she sometimes forgets to warn you ahead of time. You might spend your entire day trying to get ahold of her and asking others if they’ve seen her, only to receive a text from her hours later that just reads like “ out training”, no further elaboration. 

Bea’s a tad bit touch starved, so she thrives off of your affection. However, she’s not very good at vocalizing her wants, so it falls to you to notice her longing stares. She wants to hold your hand and cuddle and sling her arm around your shoulder when sitting close, but she’s too nervous to initiate on her own due to her lack of experience.

 Her only ask is that you keep your relationship pretty lowkey in public. PDA makes her a little uncomfortable, both because she’s shy with affection and also because she knows people are watching. Hand holding is as far as you are gonna get with her before she breaks a little inside.

Melony my beloved. They did not have to cake her up so much but goddamn I am not complaining because ahjdkgh milf. She’s hot and also incredibly caring and sweet and supportive. 

First things first: you have to get along with her kids. This is non-negotiable. She already has a rocky relationship with one of her children, she doesn’t need to jeopardize that relationship further, or the one’s with her daughters, for any reason, even for love. It’s a lot to suddenly have five step-kids, especially if you don’t have any kids to begin with, but if you aren’t willing to at least try, Melony isn’t going to be sticking around.

She doesn’t want to overwhelm you too quickly, but meeting her children is something she wants to happen early in the relationship. Once things get serious, she’ll invite you over for dinner which, surprisingly, goes very well, with little family drama being drudged up in the process. It takes a monuementous amount of effort to convince Gordie to come over, but he does, reluctantly. It’s probably pretty stressful because, uh, if you mess up then your relationship is toast, but it’s worth it in the end. 

Also, congrats, by doing the bare-minimum, you become Gordie’s favorite mom. This is by default, considering the previously mentioned rocky relationship he has with Melony. She’s just happy that Gordie isn’t upset about her hopping back into the dating scene, same with her daughters, and that they actually like you.

Not normally what I write about with these, or write about in general, but, when it comes to arguments, Melony can be a little difficult because she’s used to being the one in charge. Most of her arguments are with her own children, over both silly and important matters alike, and so she’s used to taking the perspective of “mother knows best”. It’s never her intention to control or demean you, but it can easily come off like that. If you bring it up to her, she’ll do her best to work it out of her mindset (communication is important kids). Not to say that arguments happen often, of course, but they can be incredibly annoying to deal with when they crop up.

Melony loves to cook, and would love to both cook for and with you. It’s maternal instinct to make sure you’re well fed, there’s simply no way around it. Expect her to make you adorably packed lunches and plenty of home cooked dinners. You’ll almost always end up with leftovers, since she’s used to cooking for five people. But she’d love it if you joined her in the kitchen for some quality bonding. If you’re lucky, she might even show you how to make the snomlette. 

It’s honestly incredible that she has time to do so many things for you and her children along with her duties as gym leader with time to spare. It’s the mom magic.

Marnie, despite being punk, is shy and sweet in equal measures. Even as a gym leader, she has a streak of being a little stand-offish and awkward. That’s not to say that she’s meek or a push-over, or that she gets nervous in front of a crowd. She’s just easy to fluster and is usually on the quieter side.

Like many others, Marnie’s got a lot on her plate. Of course, she’s got her duties as a gym leader to tend to, but she’s also working on restoring Spikemuth to its former glory. These don’t just eat up her time, they also leave her tired. Please hold your arms out for her to fall into when she walks through the door after a long day, it’s her favorite way to recharge. 

Morpeko loves you more than anyone else, a blessing you should be thankful for. He’s kinda like a cat, in that he can be very sweet at times and an asshole at others. Oh, and he shows his love through biting. He likes Marnie well enough, but she’s not safe from being bitten or scratched. You, however, are a different story, as he seems to always be sweet when you’re around. Marnie’s convinced he does it out of spite.

Keeping up with the theme of “talking about other character’s important to this specific character”, Piers. He wants the best for his baby sister, considering that he basically raised her and all, but he doesn’t even try to be overprotective or intimidating. Does it sting to watch Marnie grow up, seeing her get into her first real romantic relationship? Of course. But he knows that she’s got a good head on her shoulders, so he sees no reason to butt into her relationship. 

He’s an overall chill guy with a lot more time on his hands since he’s no longer a gym leader. As long as you’re chill, he’s chill, and won’t mind your company. Hell, he might even start looking forward to hanging out with you, thinking of you as part of the family, when you’ve known each other for long enough. The only issue he might have with you is your music taste.

This is a bit more general, but I like to think that Marnie and Hop are good friends. They didn’t know each other too much during the gym challenge, since all they really had was a common friend/rival, but they actually got to know each other once the champion cup was over. It’s not super easy to hang out since they’re both striving towards their own goals, but they find a way.

It’s funny, because I don’t think they would have much in common outside of their music taste, but they’re still friends who hang out and complain to one another. While he’s dropped his dream of being champion, Hop still gets excited over the gym challenge every year and loves to watch her matches. Marnie’s not the most knowledgeable when it comes to pokemon research, but she finds it all interesting and tries to lend a hand. She’s not that helpful. She also is the only person preventing Hop and Bede from throwing hands when they run into each other.

Oleana is the pinnacle of “very busy and very tired”. Gatekeeping, gaslighting, and girlbossing all day takes a great deal of time and effort. She’ll trudge home and fall face first into the couch, perfectly content to call it a night if you don’t step in and make her come to bed.

She loves the chairman dearly, but he also stresses her out immensely. There’s really no point in going out to meet loyal fans on the way to business meetings, but that doesn’t stop Rose from doing that anyways. She badgers him to the best of her ability, but he still takes his sweet time. While she appears composed, she’s screaming internally, waiting until she can go home and scream about it externally when venting to you.

Speaking of the chairman, it seems as if she cares more about him than she does you at times, but she does her best to reassure you otherwise. The chairman is, unfortunately, her priority due to being her boss, but that’s more about admiration than love. Consider the fact that he (unintentionally) makes her incredibly stressed, whereas you don’t. That alone gives her a reason to love you.

Also consider that the idea of coming home to you at the end of the day is part of what keeps her going. Sure, her job is stressful, considering the fact that she is essentially the backbone of the Macro Cosmos company, but she always gets through the day because she gets to see you once it’s all said and done. The tension within her bones dissipates upon walking through the doorway. Hold her in your arms, brush your fingers through her hair, get shitty take out to eat over trashy TV that neither of you are really watching, and you’ll win her heart in an instant.

While she shows her more… aggressive side to you when ranting passionately about all the issues involved with her job, she reverts back to her poised and punctual state whenever in public. Due to her professional nature, expect little PDA. The most you’ll get is hand holding. Unless she’s jealous, at which you’ll get a hand wrapped around your hip which grips just a little too tight until she calms down.

Date nights are typically spent indoors unless she has a day off, which is incredibly unlikely to happen. Firstly, she wants to rant, and she can’t do that in public without destroying her public image. And secondly, she’s tired of dealing with people given how much shit and disappointment she has to deal with throughout the day. You get her, so why would she want to be around anyone else?

Also! Garbador is an absolute sweetheart. She knows how much you help Oleana and that makes her so happy. She tries to show her affection but is a little awkward about it because she doesn’t want to gross you out since she’s… literally made of trash. She usually just watches from afar, all smiley and happy to see you two being happy, getting embarrassed if you catch her doing so.

Sooo I wasn’t originally gonna write anything for Klara because, again, I don’t have sword and am not as familiar with her as I am Bea, but thoughts started rolling so here we are. Also kinda toxic behavior incoming because it’s Klara.

Girl is a pop star, or is at least trying to be one, which means she’ll naturally write love songs about you. And by love songs I mean songs that describe how much she loves you but are also not really love songs because they’re lowkey toxic? Listen, it’s Klara, what else do you expect when that is literally her thing. She also has songs about her exes, which contain… worrying content, but that’s neither here nor there.

In general? Don’t break her heart. She will key your car and slash your tires and will attempt to instigate physical fights and will also write a song about you and how much she hates you and all of the things she hopes happen to you. Again, it’s Klara. But if she loves you with her whole heart and soul, then you have nothing to worry about. She’ll be more than happy to do all those things towards people you don’t like instead.

She's not the best at showing her love. Her goal in life was always to be loved by everyone around her without having to do much in return, but your existence has disturbed that goal because she actually really likes you and actually wants to try for you? And she kind of hates that, and it takes her a while to even figure out what the hell was wrong with her, and she ends up resenting you for a hot minute for making her feel so weird.

But she gets over that and decides to put in actual effort into your relationship, trying to be a better person both for you and herself. She takes the time to listen to you and work out your likes and dislikes, and puts effort into coming up with cute date nights, and does her best to be there for you when you’re down or need to get something off of your chest. Just normal girlfriend things. She’ll never admit to changing how she acts, though. This unintentionally turned into an “I can fix her” post whoopsie.

Klara loves to take pictures of herself and photoshop them, so expect to be sent most, if not all, of them. Sometimes, she just thinks she’s looking exceptionally cute and just needs to share her hotness with someone else. She also expects you to send pictures back in return, as it’s only fair. Like Nessa, she has a large portfolio of pics she’s both snapped and received of you.

Anyways, Klara posts shit like “I love doing wifey shit for my girlfriend <3” while burning down the kitchen trying to make you scrambled eggs.

I also originally wasn’t going to write anything for Peonia but I had a change of heart because, after thinking of it, I couldn’t not write embarrassingly supportive supreme dad-of-the-year Peony hyping her up.

Peonia’s biggest mistake in life was coming out to her dad, because the man is simply too supportive. The moment she tells him this vital information, he is searching every store and market for all of the lesbian flags he can find. She has an entire pile of them in her room because she literally doesn’t have any space on the walls to hang them on. He also sews smaller ones onto her clothes and jackets upon being asked to do so,

If he ever sees her talking to another girl, he’ll ask about her afterwards. He just needs to know if she’s into this new person he’s never met before. Peonia always tells him off in an attempt to subdue her embarrassment. Thankfully, he at least waits until the other girl leaves, or else she would literally combust.

That being said, don’t think you can date Peonia without Peony putting up an overprotective fight. At the end of the day, that’s his baby. His darling. His pride and joy. Sure, she’s grown up and is more than capable of making her own choices in life, including her choice in romantic partner, but he’s still her father. He just needs to make sure you have her best interest in mind, then he’ll back off.

But once you’ve gotten past the over-protective dad phase, you get yourself a new father figure. He’ll come to think of you as one of his own. He’ll also provide you with plenty of embarrassing childhood stories. At some point, he’ll start referring to you as his daughter-in-law. Every minute you spend talking with him makes Peonia rip her hair out. Again, Peonia is happy that her dad is supportive of her sexuality and your relationship, but she’s also on the verge of dying from embarrassment.

Even though she is incredibly embarrassed by her father’s antics, she can be super supportive and exciting when it comes to doing anything with you. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and when she realizes how she acts similarly to her father when it comes to spending time with you, she dies a little inside.

Enough about dad. Please go with her on Dynamax Adventures. Not only does she have a blast with them, but she can show off how cool and strong she is as a trainer. Please swoon over her and how cool and brave she is, being as dramatic as humanly possible. RIP to your teammates who are forced to third-wheel on the adventure, but at least Peonia is having fun.

Also, please help dye her hair. The pink looks great but it was a pain to do by herself, and she’s too embarrassed to ask her dad for help. Besides, it means you get to hang out and she gets your input on what color to use. 

[myrskytuuli]

Paradise Lost!Adam🤝Children of Eden!Adam

Hating the fuck out of Hazbin Hotel!Adam if they ever somehow met him.

ooh boy! I don’t know anything about Children of Eden, but I am a nerd about Paradise Lost so let answer this ask a little bit too thoroughly.

Honestly, I could see Hazbin Hotel!Adam being exactly like Paradise Lost!Adam in the beginning. Whether he would hate what he later became, is a different question altogether.

But if I were ever to write a Hazbin fic taking place during the Eden era, I would choose to characterise Adam as he is in Milton’s epic. It fits.

Okay, let me make my case.

In Paradise Lost, Adam embodies all the virtues of an enlightenment era gentleman, as a matter of fact, he is written to be the platonic ideal of the enlightened man. He is rational, interested in science, reason, and turns away from temptations of desire and emotionality. He loves Eve in a paternalistic way which borderlines on loathing at times, and feels uncomfrotable whenever Eve manages to awaken any "baser" feelings in him. The only fault he finds in himself- and is at the time angry about- is his temptation to admire Eve’s sexual beauty- And if you’re ever been on the internet, you will know that every misogynistic reddit-incel fantasises about being this man. The whole enlightened philosopher king is exactly the insufferable archetype that weird, friendless, red-pilled guys latch onto, with no self-awareness for the fact that they fall apart shitting and crying every time there is a lesbian in a tv show. Anyway, this enlightened philosopher king is an archetype that is based on a real, popular ideal from 17th and 18th century, and Paradise Lost certainly employs it.

Adam first awakens in God’s light (he is enlightened from the moment of his creation) and proceeds to wonder at his surroundings with a scientific wonder. When he meets anyone from heaven, whether it be God or later Raphael his instinct is to ask questions, and more importantly, he understands all celestial mysteries without a problem. When Raphael reveals the shape of the galaxy to him, he immediately infers the laws of gravitational forces moving the planets from it. He’s a very special genius boy, as all the angels around him keep telling him!

He is also very aware of the fact that Eve is not her equal, and at the same time threat to his enlightened rationality. Eve, who awakens in shade rather than daylight (she was not created enlightened), Eve whose first action as alive is to stop in front of water to admire her own reflection for so long that God himself has to guide her away, or she would stay there forever “pinned with vain desire”, Eve who is “so lovely fair, [-] Yet innocence, and virgin modesty, Her virtue, and the conscience of her worth”, is everything Adam wanted when asking for a mate, but at the same time…not. Once God sends Raphael down into the garden to teach the new humans all the knowledge of the world, (so they would not be tempted to eat from the tree of knowledge)

At thy request, and that thou mayest beware By what is past, to thee I have revealed What might have else to human race been hid

(which an interesting aside, in PL humans already have free will when choosing to eat the fruit AND God has taken active steps to lead them away from temptation. Without the misogyny, I would be VERY into this interpretation of the story. Where the forbidden fruit is a literal red button which reads do not push or paradise will explode and the test is if humanity can resist the irrational temptation to push anyway)

Adam gets to eagerly attend the full lesson, while Eve excuses herself midway through because:

such pleasure she reserved, Adam relating, she sole auditress; Her husband the relater she preferred Before the Angel, and of him to ask Chose rather; he, she knew, would intermix Grateful digressions, and solve high dispute With conjugal caresses:

Eve 1. wants the pleasure of being explained things by Adam (a real mansplainers fantasy lmao) and it is hinted that 2. her sensual nature would prefer such lessons to happen while she is also being physically caressed. Unlike Adam, who gains pleasure through his rational mind, Eve only gains pleasure through sensations and submission to her husband. Of course, it becomes kind of inadvertently funny because the next thing to happen after Eve leaves, is that the BOYS immediately start to talk shit about her, behind her back. Maybe the vibes of that gathering were just rancid, and Eve was picking up on it.

 For well I understand in the prime end Of Nature her the inferiour, in the mind And inward faculties [-] All higher knowledge in her presence falls Degraded;

-Adam confidently states the second Eve walks off his sight, to which Raphael responds

Dismiss not her, when most thou needest her nigh, By attributing overmuch to things Less excellent, as thou thyself perceivest. [-]

self-esteem, grounded on just and right Well managed; of that skill the more thou knowest, The more she will acknowledge thee her head, And to realities yield all her shows:

Which pretty much sums up with: yeah, I know she sucks, but that’s why she has you to manage her. Having had a wife for a day, Adam is already complaining about what a dum-dum his wife is, and he is getting: yeah women, can’t live with them, can’t live without them, am I right LOL, type of bro-bro affirmations from the angel Raphael himself. Guy is getting a speedrun in how to make MUH WIFE type of jokes from day one as part of the celestial plan.

And in the end Adam’s misogyny is validated, because the only fault he has, is that he put too much faith into his wife’s ability to use faculties of rational reasoning.

But know that in the soul Are many lesser faculties, that serve Reason as chief; among these Fancy next Her office holds [-]

Which gives me hope That what in sleep thou didst abhor to dream, Waking thou never will consent to do.

When Eve tells him off the dreams Lucifer sends her, Adam trusts that Eve will be able to overcome feminine fancy in favour of masculine reason. His trust in his wife is his sin. When Eve suggests to “divide our labours; thou, where choice Leads thee, or where most needs [-] ; while I, In yonder spring of roses intermixed With myrtle, find what to redress till noon”. Eve wants some space from Adam, while Adam immediately is against the idea. “Doubt possesses me, lest harm Befall thee severed from me; for thou knowest What hath been warned us”. Eve follows her immediate desires (for some alone time AND to prove to Adam that she can be left alone) while Adam is capable of rationalizing why that would be a bad idea according to the warnings they have received from the angels. Lucifer is lurking somewhere out there!! Eve, who makes promises she can’t keep insists that “that thou shouldst my firmness therefore doubt To God or thee, because we have a foe” finally wears Adam down until he exclaims: “Go in thy native innocence, rely On what thou hast of virtue; summon all!”

Eve does not summon it all, because when Lucifer finds her alone, he immediately appeals to Eve’s vanity:

who should be seen A Goddess among Gods, adored and served By Angels numberless, thy daily train

So glozed the Tempter, and his poem tuned: Into the heart of Eve his words made way,

It has already been established that it is not a desire for knowledge which tempts Eve, because in literature supporting enlightenment ideals, seeking knowledge would never be villainised. It is instead stated that the evils of the world come from the lack of rational thought, and that women naturally lack the capability for rational thought, so this is what happens when their rational husbands let them out of their sight. Eve, incapable of pure reason, hears Lucifer’s words and thinks them reasonable.

and in her ears the sound Yet rung of his persuasive words, impregned With reason, to her seeming, and with truth:

When Eve bites the apple, she is also immediately overtaken by this ecstatic, good feeling, like she is drunk. She thinks that this is the most awesome thing that has ever happened.

Her first independent idea is that she should plant an entire garden full of trees of knowledge and make sure that every living creature gets to eat one. (That’s right! The knowledge inside the forbidden fruit was communism all along!)

She goes back to Adam, afraid that if Adam also doesn’t partake of the fruit, God will simply make him a new wife “And Adam, wedded to another Eve, Shall live with her enjoying, I extinct; A death to think! Confirmed then I resolve, Adam shall share with me in bliss or woe:” Eve wants to share the fruit for selfish desires. Adam accepts as an unselfish sacrifice. He knows exactly what it means to eat of the fruit “Adam, soon as he heard The fatal trespass done by Eve, amazed, Astonied stood and blank, while horrour chill Ran through his veins” but he still chooses to stay by Eve’s side. She is his wife, and she needs someone by her side. Adam is “Against his better knowledge; not deceived, But fondly overcome with female charm.”

Then they fuck, and unlike the first time when their “love-making was untainted by lust” this time they FUCK. Like nasty.

Sure, at first glance the fact that Adam chooses to embrace damnation to stay with his wife comes across as a real sweet wife-guy move. Expect that in the actual text it comes across as very paternalistic and guilt-trippy move. Sure, Adam does stay with his wife, but BY GOD does he milk that out later. Unlike in other interpretations, in Paradise Lost, Adam, technically speaking, never sinned, as such. He did not partake of the forbidden fruit because of desire or selfish curiosity. He’s going to prison for a crime everybody knows he didn’t really commit. He does it out of sacrifice and love, which kind of makes the heavenly forces treat him as not-really-a-sinner. The final judgement for Adam is not that he ate the forbidden fruit, but that “thou hast hearkened to the voice of thy wife”.

 When Arch-angel Michael shows up to kick them out of the garden, he first takes Adam up to a mountain to show him more visions of heavenly knowledge/plan, while knocking Eve unconscious. One of them is not treated like the other.

Adam’s bout of goodwill and sacrifice does not last long, because almost immediately after making the choice, Adam starts yelling at Eve: “Would thou hadst hearkened to my words, and staid With me” and Eve yells back how “Being as I am, why didst not thou, the head, Command me absolutely not to go”. Adam blames Eve for tryingt o be independent and Eve blames Adam for allowing her.

Adam then threatens to commit suicide, while wailing about women. Just in general.

O! why did God, Creator wise, that peopled highest Heaven With Spirits masculine, create at last This novelty on earth, this fair defect Of nature, and not fill the world at once With Men, as Angels, without feminine;

(Also, considering that Raphael told us earlier that angels do have spiritual, ephemeral sex with each other in heaven, heavenly gay sex confirmed!! (This was actually something that really bothered C. S Lewis who spent considerate time trying to explain away the "homosexual promiscuity" in Paradise Lost))

Which finally prompts Eve to start soothing him. “with tears that ceased not flowing And tresses all disordered, at his feet Fell humble; and, embracing them, besought His peace”. Adam, finally seeing his wife “at his feet submissive in distress;” relents and stops threatening suicide. Instead, he once again finds that paternalistic grace, promising that if only he could, he would TOTALLY ask God to put all the blame on him and only punish him. “That on my head all might be visited; Thy frailty and infirmer sex forgiven” of course that’s impossible, so whether he would actually do that can never be tested. Adam and Eve promise to not fight and blame each other anymore and Eve is joyful that she is “Restored by thee, vile as I am, to place Of new acceptance, hopeful to regain Thy love”.

This leaves the couple in a situation where Adam rightfully can forever dangle the fact that he chose to be damned with her, that he had no fault, he never succumbed to temptation, that he exchanged his rightful place in paradise to help her survive the woe and wastelands outside of Eden, over her head. imagine trying to have an argument after that? Of course she should cater to his every whim and will!! Of course she should be forever grateful! What do you mean I need to do the dishes more, I literally gave up paradise for you!!!

though all by me is lost, Such favour I unworthy am vouchsafed, By me the Promised Seed shall all restore. So spake our mother Eve; and Adam heard Well pleased, but answered not

(Not wife-guy behaviour, my man)

looping back to Hazbin Hotel, yeah, give this guy 10 000 years and I could absolutely see him growing into HH!Adam. The fact that he’s treated as the most special bean in Paradise and never gets knocked down a peg, expect for that one time he accidentally treated his wife like a person. PL!Adam is at that M’Lady stage of insufferable dudbroism where he fully believes that he is a gentleman willing to sacrifice his comfort to take care of his little wife. But we’ve all seen examples of that kind of personality very quickly morphing into those fucking femoids all deserve whatever’s coming to them types of personalities. It’s a pipeline we all know exists, and personally, I just think that PL!Adam and HH!Adam would fit into the two ends of that pipeline perfectly.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi! I sent an ask before, earlier in the year.

here’s some real ent info about me before I ask my question:

I’m 15. I’ve had my period for a year. My mother and my bio aunt were both (very) late bloomers in that regard, but were never diagnosed with anything that may have caused that. I’ve had ‘crushes’ before, which I suspect may have been me masking because I didn’t actually like anyone. I’ve tried mastrubation before, but it’s never really done anything? I don’t do anything involving penetration (because ouch) but I do other things outside of that, ti absolutely no result.

Okay. Now relevant info out of the way. I have questions now;

Is it possible I’m ace? How does one find that out?

is it possible I’m aro? How does one figure *that* out?

Do you think there’s a reason mastrubation doesn’t work for me? Is that a thing that can be fixed?

Is there a reason why penetration hurts so much for me? Even just my pinky finger or a tampon hurts enough that I cried the first few times I tried (I use pads now and avoid penetration).

is there any important information that I should be given? I’m attending a Catholic school so sex ed is pretty much “literally just don’t do it.”

sorry for the barrage of questions. Thank you so much for running this blog, you have no idea how helpful it is. I’m not 100% sure if I turned on anon properly, so if this isn’t an anon please don’t answer it.

hi anon,

oh boy!! so much to work with here!! a veritable buffet of curiosity

this one wasn't even on your question list but I'll throw it in for free: there's not really any reason to worry about finding a diagnosis for starting your period at 15. while the average age that menstruation begins these days is around 12, anywhere from 10-16 is perfectly normal.

it's completely possible that you're ace and/or aro, because it's possible that anybody could be ace and/or aro. do you want to be? because that's pretty much what it comes down to. would calling yourself asexual or aromantic feel right? would it provide any sense of security or clarity to conceptualize yourself that way? the words don't define what you are; you pick which words you like and want to use to make sense of yourself.

god okay I have no idea how to say this without sounding redundant but if you don't feel good when you're masturbating it's probably because you don't like what you're doing. are you trying to jack off because you're horny and want to touch yourself or because you feel like you're supposed to masturbate? if it's the former then damn, try something else. literally anything, anything and everything can be masturbation if it feels good. get crazy with it. if it's the latter and you're just kind of going through the motions out of a vague sense that you're supposed to be masturbating, knock that shit off and dedicate that time to literally anything else that you enjoy. life is too short.

penetration is probably uncomfortable for the same reason it's uncomfortable for a lot of people our age: lack of practice and CRITICAL lack of lubricant. some people find that using a lube on their tampon applicator can help, but also no one is making you use tampons and if pads are more comfortable you can keep doing that forever. personally I haven't used a tampon since middle school and I'm thriving. invest in some reusable pads; you'll save so much money. penetration is 100% optional literally just living without that shit is fine.

as much as I would love to run an intensive and all-encompassing course on all of human sexuality for you right here right now (and I mean that sincerely, I wish this was the proper platform for that. should I write a book? let me know in the comments), I'll keep the info short: whenever you feel like there's something wrong with you, in any way, really think about what's making you feel that way, and who benefits from you feeling bad about yourself. because 99.9% of the time when people send in asks about something about their sexuality or gender that makes them feel bad, what they tell me about is something completely harmless that's just a little different than the common norm. the norm is nothing; as long as no one is being harmed, you do you.

for more specific questions, I'm literally always on this website answering q's, and I'd also really recommend checking out Dr. Lindsey Doe's youtube channel Sexplanations and the forum Scarleteen, which is run specifically for young people to address questions about sexuality.

[callibones]

uhhh hh ..... hello! this is the same anon who sent in that ask about object camps. the camps you suggested sound really interesting! im a little too scared to join them for now haha but they sound really cool. they will rotate in my mind for a while i think HGFDSFGHJGFDSDFGH other than that .. 1 . i came across the wiki camp two and it looked so creative and interesting to me! i dont program in css that often anymore but the site makes me wanna go over and put in a bunch of pages. problem is.. i don't know how to Apply? or Do Anything? rn the site is locked for voting but just in general i tried reading the rules but still couldn't understand how it worked. if you knew anything about it that'd be nice. it also seems to have a discord server..? again im scared to check myself but if youre in it i wanna know whether it's a nice space to be in.

2 . uhhghgfdghj i peered through the rest of the blog and found the shelled one blaseball fic you posted ? and i think im really Normal about it. So after reading that i now trust your fanfic opinions. are there any other blaseball fics you'd strongly recommend? and uh general.. uh, evil mind controlly fics would be really nice too (the book of bill is also sort of ruining me along with this so i am truly looking for ANYTHING and like omg hbdxszexrdcfdsxrctvdxszaf) and thats all i wanted to ask you! sorry this is getting REALLY LONG i wish you well and i am So Sorry for bothering you!

HELLO AGAIN! not botherin me at all. :-] i was hopin youd find that answer.... i made sure to answer it at the same time u sent the question so you'd have a MAXIMUM CHANCE of findin it, and u Did! so Yay! welcome back. im going to tag my answers to your Post's with 🩸🟪 so we Never Get Separated Again. but i want you to know.... i don't bite! i literally can't on account of my face is a monitor. so if you wanna chat, feel free to dm me! you seem like a really fun person and we clearly have a lotta interest's in common so Consider That: An Option.

ANYHOO.

1) the wiki camp 2 is ABSOLUTELY a welcoming community. in fact, check this out: here's an index of plainly written explanations of various community in-jokes, to ensure nobody's left confused! while i'm not super active on the discord due to hyperfixating on single spaces at a time like some sort of cryptid, i have a lot of wonderful friends in the community and i'd wholeheartedly call it nice.

you don't have to apply to write, either! while i don't think there's an ETA yet on when the wiki's re-opening, whenever it does you'll be able to make an account for free and start creating to your heart's content! sometimes people who do that even get roped into the camp due to Token Shenanigans....

2) look. i get it. how much do i get it? the post you're talking about was written by my bill cipher fictive. and guess what book made me pick THAT thing up? we're in the same boat. i'm (RELATIVELY) normal 'round these parts, but if you do end up dropping me a line, maybe you'll happen upon some of my stuff? just sayin'. but as for what i can do for ya at the desk here...

thing is, i actually haven't read that much blaseball fanfic. i know! i WANT to. i have a list, which i'll reblog with your special tag right after this. but my brain doesn't let me read a lotta long stuff these days, which is SUCKS! i might poke around some tags and see what i can find, but that spectacular shelled one fic's the only one of its kind i know.

if you wanna read something Long and Serious and Really Really Good that's haunted me for years, put your eyes on Oil and Water, the shoe thieves disaster marriage classic about grief and autism and family and other such things.

then read everything else that catches your fancy, and send me your picks! and hey. if anyone reading this wants to help a cute anon out and knows some fics (or wrote some fics) that fit the Bill i mean the bill, PLEASE lemme know!! i Understand wanting more evil mind control. it's kind of my whole thing. PLUS i'm literally the shelled one's favorite

[neverwritewhatyouknow]

I'm the previous anon who was talking about Indian Colonial history

I do follow you but I wanted to remain anonymous because I'm kinda shy 😭. You can call me Madhuri so that it's clear who I am

So I hadn't really put much thought into Shaan being a direct employee of the British monarchy until the other anon pointed it out and the more I think of it, the more weirded out I get because in a fictional novel, I feel that the author has the responsibility to make their content respectful to all groups of people and this move was kind of thoughtless.

Indians were treated like shit when the British governed our land. Basically, the British arrived as cloth traders and by creating this elaborate debt trap for rural weavers, they took over our economy and gained trade monopoly. They got some tax cessations from different kings and finally in the Battle of Plassey, they took over Bengal, a super super important place because it was in the plains, had a long coastline and was one of the most industrialised towns.

They started taxing people to hell and back with no regard for their well being. They told our kings they would provide them arms and forces to protect themselves against other rulers all while instigating whatever the opposite of peace is (I literally cannot think of a work for this, I'm so sorry)

Indians were forced to pay them, work for them without pay and make goods for them at extremely nominal amounts while the British got all the profit. We were kidnapped from our own lands and sent to plantations. There was this inland immigration act which did not allow workers to even exit tea gardens without written permission which was rarely given. They shut down our press and arrested our revolutionaries. Our people were forced to fight in the army. The first revolution actually started because the army was being forced to use bullets greased with pig fat and cow fat one of which was haram for muslims and the other was the product of an animal holy to the Hindus.

They decimated our country and the impact is still felt today.

I have watched a lot of movies about colonialism in India and one of the most chilling lines Ive heard was something along the lines of 'A bullet costs one pound by the time it reaches your gun Soldier. Are you really going to waste it on brown trash' this was followed by the soldiers beating a mother to death in front of her daughter and the entire village.

I'll recommend some movies to you. They are fiction but manage to capture the history so so well. You can find these on Netflix btw.

1) Lagaan- it's about taxation during a time of drought and a surreal way to escape it

2) RRR- honestly, I had watched some part of it but couldn't watch further because of how chilling it was and how hard it hit but it is considered to be amazing

3) Rang De Basanti- It's about college students shooting a film about freedom fighters and it alternates with the story of the revolutionaries and their parallels with the characters. These students are changed forever when one act makes them question the entire system and they become revolutionaries themselves. The ending was surprising and I could feel my heart being ripped out of my chest

Hey, Madhuri! No worries, I totally understand wanting to stay anonymous, I’m literally the same way on here so I get it.

Thank you so much for this! Yeah, my history classes definitely didn’t go over enough about any of this, but I’ll be reading more about everything this week, because it’s important and I want to learn more. It’s clear there is an entire history between Britain and India that I only know the very tip of, so thank you again for writing this all out. I’m sure a lot of people probably don’t know much about this (unfortunately, since our textbooks tend to… you know… veer on the side of the oppressors), so this will all be incredibly educational to anyone reading it. Feel free to send more my way whenever you want! I love this!

I’ve heard awesome things about RRR, but didn’t know what it was about. I’m gonna watch it this weekend! And that last movie sounds really good too! Thanks for the recs!!!

As for Shaan… I honestly think Casey just wasn’t thinking. This isn’t in defense of them, an author should always think about what they’re doing and how it could show up on page or screen, but I truthfully think they just wanted to fill that role with some sort of minority and picked Indian because of the large UK Indian population. I’d bet all of the money in my wallet ($20) that Casey doesn’t know any more than the vague basics of everything you’ve told me. I noticed that they described Nora, who’s Jewish, using some stereotypical Jewish traits too (I can write more on this if anyone wants, don’t want to hijack this post). It really was a guess-and-pick of races and ethnicities for them. I love how diverse the book is, but it’s sorta clear it was done for the spectacle, not for any real heartwarming reason. Casey knew it would probably sell better, since it would be talked about as an incredibly varied collection of characters, I don’t think they thought about more than that, or didn’t think it would matter because of the positives.

Do I think Casey meant any direct hurt with it? No.

Do I think that Casey’s lack of understanding or having any knowledge beyond their contained worldview causes harm indirectly? Yes.

[apprenticestanheight]

apprenticestanheights writing guidelines

Okay! I'm doing an account make over and I realized I missed several crucial steps when this account was focused heavily on arcane, so this post is something that's been a long time coming.

My humor and the way I talk is kind of dry at times so if any of this confuses you feel free to just reach out (be it through a message in my inbox or shooting something into my dms) and I'll answer any questions you've got

I did this in a cute little q&a format because that allows semifrequent updating and tweaking as necessary, and the guidelines themselves are under the cut because this post is long enough as is and I don't want to clog up anyones dash lol

I'm generally a very chilled out and very lenient person so I'm usually willing to write almost anything.

Anything does have it's limits, of course, and the reason that this exists is to ensure that those limits are communicated clearly and established before I become super active on this account.

-Am I willing to write smut?

I am MORE THAN WILLING--smut is genuinely enjoyable to write for me HOWEVER, what I'm not willing to write is as follows: rape, dd/lg, ANYTHING involving bodily functions (no watersports or things of the like) or the sexualization of death in any capacity.

-how long will requests take?

There is literally zero method to my madness--I write as the motivation to do so comes and goes so there will be times where I have your request done, edited, and ready for publishing all in the same day and there will be times where it will take me a bit. Requests will probably be coming out a lot quicker in the summer (I have no job currently and writing is my biggest priority whenever summer hits anyway) and around certain holidays fewer requests will be accepted because I am piss poor with time management and might have things planned around those holidays.

-What is a no-go for you, in the general sense?

My boundaries are pretty clearly stated here, and if there's anything you're generally not sure about, please feel free to reach out! I'm writing this and pretty much just writing what my thoughts are so my having missed things is more plausible than one might think, so if there's anything about which you're confused PLEASE don't hesitate.

-how will I know when requests are closed?

Request closure and opening dates can be found in my bio! I also give a lot of forewarning when writing requests near the day that I plan to close them, so fics will probably have that in the notes like "requests are open until x day this month" and if you send in something like, a day or two after they've closed, there is a very good chance I'll still write it out!

-what if I send in a request while your requests are closed without realizing they were?

If you do this, that's fine! If you send something in the first day or two after they've closed I'll still take the request, it just might take some time to come out because I'll be focusing on getting other requests done. If you send something in during the last few days before they're open again the same applies--I am very lenient on that kind of thing lol.

however, if you see that my requests are closed and decide to send in yours anyway, I probably won't write it! I close requests whenever there's a backlog so that I can focus on getting them all out before I plan to open them again, and getting a request when I have a pile of more than ten that need to be done is very stressful for me so I don't end up writing them because I can't focus on stressing about stuff when I'm already trying to make sure I have all of my requests done before I start accepting them again.

[the-writers-bookshelf]

Hey Aubrey, happy FabFriday :-p

What about "The hushing", do you want to share news with us? I'm just tooooo curious...

Now for the question: I've become aware of a pattern in my writing over the last few months. And when I read your October 3rd post "stop being a perfectionist" it hit me like a punch, I felt so caught. That's exactly what's been driving me. I write regularly, circa 3/4 of all days, and for all stories it's the last 5-10% (sometimes just a few sentences) that keep me from publishing. I have the whole story fleshed out in my head, but instead of writing it down, I check the wording of the previous sentences a thousand times. In addition, there's the fine line between enthusiasm to finally be able to share the story and sadness because I don't want to release my baby at all, to give it away. Maybe I'm getting in my own way...?

Thoughts? Please do tell. <3

Sooooooo.... ���� The Hushing has been published with the caveat that the last few chapters are still with my proofreader. But any typos can be updated whenever and I expect those few chapters to be in my hand this weekend. Then I'll be jumping into marketing with both feet next week and that's when I plan to officially announce that it's live! :)

I put off publishing for SO long because I was massively anxious about getting it out there (like repeatedly waking up in the middle of the night with stomach pain due to so much anxiety).

So I told myself I couldn't put it off any longer and I just had to do it!

It's also a tad shorter than I'd wanted it to be. But I'm chalking it up to a learning experience and I'll work on a longer tale next time around! :)

It's live on Amazon here! (But seriously, I will totally send you a free copy if you're interested! ;)

Absolutely TOTALLY understand being a perfectionist and it's a TOUGH habit to break sometimes! Ultimately, it will take recognizing the root of your stumbling block and finding ways to cope with it and get past it the best you can.

For me, my perfectionism came from the fact that I've had some editors (and readers) give condescending comments when they find a mistake, as if I should know better than to make a typo. Or my pacing was too slow (in their opinion), and they got really nasty about it (an editor literally told me, "Yes, we KNOW already! Get on with it!" which, btw, is highly unprofessional).

So I came to associate mistakes with shame and feeling incompetent, rather than a simple thing to fix. That led me to be preoccupied with my mistakes rather than telling the story and it slowed me waaay down. I felt like I couldn't share my work with anyone until it was spit-polished a thousand times in case someone saw a mistake and scoffed that I called myself a writer.

When you mentioned that you don't want to give your baby away, it sounds like you might have 50/50 feelings about sharing your work. You like showing your work to the world because you get feedback, you get readers, etc. which is what every writer wants!

But once it's out there...do you feel like it's not *yours* anymore? Or do you worry about negative feedback ruining your enthusiasm for the story? Or is something else about it getting under your skin?

For rechecking your work repeatedly, that sounds like something you will have to talk yourself through. Like pep talk yourself, "I've done the best I can on what I've written so far and I will continue to write new progress today."

You could try freewriting - just word dumping into a doc or on real paper - the scene(s) you want to write next. That might get you warmed up and ready to jump into your writing rather than stuck in editing mode.

You can set a timer for your editing mode. Then you have to switch over to writing mode.

You could dedicate certain days to editing while other days are for writing. Sometimes, you just might be in editing mode and that's okay! :)

You could set publishing deadlines for yourself to use as goals. That way, you don't spend a lot of time on editing and you're forced to make progress instead. This depends on you and your process though! Sometimes, deadlines can make people freeze, but it can motivate others.

You might also want to have a project or two that you DON'T share with the public if it's causing you stress. Sometimes, writing for the public eye can make us write a certain way that puts pressure on us. But when we write for ourselves, we feel more liberated and we can say whatever we want.

Whoa that was a long response! But I hope some of that helps!! ♥

I really like Craig Martelle's Youtube series: Author Five Minute Focus. He's the brains behind 20booksto50k which is all about making a living at writing, so a lot of his tips are marketing heavy. But you can skip those. He's loaded with priceless gems about cultivating a strong author mindset!

I've found a number of his videos talk about perfectionism and how it slows you down. It really helps to hear from an author who has written LOADS of books say that mistakes are not the end of the world. Just take a deep breath and tell a good story :)

Whoa that was a long response! But I hope some of that helps!! ♥

[solarwonux]

59.  “I’m still sore from last night.”

single dad!jungkook x f!reader

w.c: 2.3k

warnings: fluff, non-penetrative unprotected sex. Jungkook thinks too much lol.

note: hello, first and foremost, THANK YOU FOR 1K. I’m over the moon honestly, I found out while I was on my mini vacation and it just made it 10x better so thank you so much. Anyway, I hope you like this one, it was so much fun to write, let me know your thoughts. Send me a prompt or two if you’d like. hehe <3

sequel

MASTERLIST || PROMPTS

The single ray of light peeked through the slit of Jungkook’s dark curtains, making his eyelids flutter open in discomfort. He sat up on his elbows, looking over at your splayed-out body occupying the usual empty spot next to him. Arm lying lazily around his midriff and leg wrapped around his waist. In a poor attempt to hold him hostage. He could easily slip out without waking you up, but this was a rare sight for him. You in his bed, hair messily fanning out against his dark pillows, and his sheets hanging off your naked body. Your skin glowing under the peeking sun rays of the morning sun, painting tiny sunspots all over your body. 

It was a rare sight for him because you rarely stayed over, and he wanted to revel in the quiet and still moment as much as he could. As much as you allowed him to do so. Before you woke up panicking peeling your limbs away from his body in a frantic sleepy search for your clothes that occupied every inch of his one-bedroom loft.

He was outgrowing it in every sense of the word. Last week he had to replace the crib in the far with a twin-sized bed, leaving little room to comfortably move around it. It had been proven to him last night when you accidentally bumped your knee into the corner of his daughter’s bed while you helped him clean up his place, while she was away at her grandparents for the weekend. 

It was why you had shamelessly decided to stay over. It was why he was able to wake up next to you. Why he was contemplating on waking you up so the two of you could hunt for apartments together. Why he had been turning the same sentences over in his head, looking for the right way to ask you to move in with him. To marry him. Would asking the two questions side by side be too overwhelming, or will knocking two birds with one stone be the right thing to do?

He didn’t know, this was all new to him. Haneul’s mother didn’t want her, didn’t love her and left her to him before disappearing without a trace. You were the first person he called when he arrived at the hospital to pick her up. Having his daughter in his arms, a daughter he had no idea he had until that morning, was terrifying and in the midst of his breakdown, he dialed your number. You were his best friend back then, now you were his girlfriend and the only mother Haneul had ever and will ever know. He wanted everything to be official but he didn’t know how or if he should.

Frustrated, he lays down again, running his hand down his torso until it reaches your hand. He walks his fingers up your arm in a ghostlike matter, while humming quietly, contemplating the ever-present questions that he always found himself swallowing. It was never the right time, but the right time never seemed to come, so maybe he should just blurt it out and then hide away. 

“Good morning,” you croak, sleep still present in your voice. A smile creeps onto Jungkook’s face, his thoughts fleeting to hide in the back of his mind again. He turns to face you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close. 

“Good morning my beautiful girlfriend.” He hums leaving a gentle kiss on the tip of your nose before burying his head in your neck. You smelled like green tea and white sage; the scent of your body lotion and him. It made him feel calm. Though if he were to ever express that thought out loud you would just say that it was the work of your stress-free body lotion. But no, you smelled, felt like home to him and it made him feel calm. 

You twinkle your fingers down his bare back, the gnawing emptiness in the pit of your stomach returns. Your alone time with him was coming to an end and you hated it. “I have to get up, I have to go.” You whisper, planting a gentle kiss on the crown of his head. 

Jungkook makes a disappointed sound, tightening his hold around you. “No five more minutes.” He whines kissing down your neck and lifts his head. A smug smile painting his beautiful features. “I can convince you to stay.” He quirks a brow, rolling his hips into yours. 

“Babe.” You place a hand on his chest, your head hitting his pillow again, as the pleasure overtakes your body. “I-I can’t, I’m still sore from last night.” You breathe out as he grinds his half-hard cock against you. 

He hums, chest swelling up in disgusting testosterone-filled pride. He knows he rocked your world a few times last night. Still remembers how he had you screaming louder than usual underneath him, enough to have his neighbors banging furiously against his wall. “We don’t have to go all the way, we can just stay like this.” He whispers, kissing your temple, grinding his hips against yours experimentally. It was slow and careful. He didn’t want to work himself up to full mast without your verbal agreement. Jungkook always respected your boundaries and he knew your body better than anyone you had allowed to touch you in the past. So, if you were to tell him no as much as he wanted you not to he would stop without a complaint ever leaving his lips. 

You smile and push him down, straddling him. “Okay but relax, I could literally hear you thinking while I was still sleeping.” You roll your hips, your clit brushing against the tip of his fired-up cock.

He lets out a pleasure-filled sigh, resting his hands on your ass, “I got a lot to think about.” He winks before moving up his bed resting his back against the headboard of his bed, your chest now against his. “Keep going, I want to paint your pretty lips with my cum.” He mumbles kissing your cheek. 

“For a dad, you’re always horny. I thought having a kid would kill your sexual prowess.” You sigh running your wet pussy over his cock harder, your lips fluttering around him, ready to take him in fully. 

He laughs, bucking his hips against yours, a whimper falling out of your lips. “It did at first, remember?” He hisses when your clit brushes up against his angry head again. He wants to be inside you so badly, but he knows he’s already pushing it just with this, though, he can’t complain. When it comes to you, everything was euphoric. 

You nod, looking down at him with hooded lust-filled eyes, resting your palms against his shoulders to use him as leverage to go faster. “Y-Yeah, you couldn’t get it up for the longest time, now I swear, f-fuck, it doesn’t stay down.” You rest your forehead against his. 

Jungkook moves his hand between your bodies, his thumb on your clit, rubbing slow careful circles, making you jolt. “I can’t help it, you’re so sexy, everything you do is sexy.” 

“Mmm, don’t stop please.” You arch your back, your hard nipples brushing against his. The bars decorating them still catch you off guard. They had been an on the whim decision back in college during a particularly stressful finals week. You had held his hand throughout the entire piercing process and wiped away his tears as he made you swear not to tell anyone he cried in pain and came in his pants all at the same time. You did and have kept his secret ever since. Now using the ladder against him during sex.

He rubbed your clit fast, his cock trapped between the wet lips of your pussy, quiet pants falling out of chapped lips. The pleasure was building fast against the pit of your stomach, “I’m close baby, are you?” 

Jungkook hummed, grabbing hold of your hips and rolling them against him. The change of rhythm was much more intimate and arousing. There was no space between the two of you, your clit was brushing against the short course hairs against his mound, and it was driving you insane.

“Yes, baby, do you want me to pull away?” 

“No, no want to feel you close Kook.” You threw your head back, pulling on his hair, letting your desperate need take over your body. 

Jungkook moaned your name silently, moving your hips faster chasing both of your highs, “Gonna let me cum on you my sweet girl, gonna let me paint you with my cum. God, I wish I could fuck it into you after, but we can stop here, just let go please.” He bit down on your neck, making you arch your back. 

“Oh my-, I’m cumming Jungkook f-fuck.” You whimpered, letting your orgasm take over, moving your pussy harder against his cock, riding out your high. You looked so beautiful and fucked out, the image burning brightly inside the corner of his brain that kept all the dirty versions of you. Your swollen clit rubs over him one last time before he’s cumming. Hot sputters of his sticky white essence coating your cunt and his abdomen, your eyes wide as you watch him spill himself all over you, the immorality of it all, enough to get you going again if you could. 

“That was sexy.” Jungkook pants, making you roll your eyes. He leaves a delicate kiss against your collar bone before looking at you with soft doe pleading eyes. You never understood how he could have the dirtiest things spewing out of his mouth one second and the next he’s looking at you the same way Haneul does whenever she wants a chocolate bar before dinner. “Did I convince you to stay longer?” 

“Yes, but I might consider it more if you tell me what’s been bothering you since yesterday.” You tilt your head and stand up. Jungkook blushes when he truly assesses the mess the two of you had made, making his cock twitch at the sight. “Join me in the shower?” 

“Wait.” He wraps his fingers around your wrist and pulls you down on his lap again. “Not yet, wait a while please.” 

“Jungkook as much as I wanted to be covered in your cum, it’s a little gross to just stay here cuddling.” You pout, running your hands through his hair pushing his dark bangs back. 

“I know but,” he chews on his bottom lip, the questions from earlier return and he wonders if this is the right time. You sitting on his lap covered in his cum, or if he should wait until after the two of you have showered. This was truly driving him crazy and there was no way to hide from you because you knew him better than anyone else in this entire world.

“Babe, you're thinking again and loud. What’s wrong?” You run your index finger down the side of his, tracing the tiny minuscule freckles on his cheek connecting them. 

“This is so hard, I don’t know how to just ask you to marry me and move in with me. It’s been driving me up the wall for like two weeks now. And like I don’t even have the ring yet, because it’s still being made, but they told me it would take only two weeks and it’s been a month because they’re backed up but that’s okay because they're short on staff. But I wish I had everything with me because I want everything to be perfect, you deserve perfect always and fuck, I-I just want you here forever by my side. By Haneul’s side because you make us complete and god, I don’t know how to ask you.”

There was a brief silence before you’re bending over laughing against his chest. Jungkook is left there sitting dazed and confused holding you as you laughed against him. Did he say something funny?

“Jungkook, I think you just asked me?” You lift your head, placing a hand against your chest trying to calm your nervous laughter and the pounding over your heart. 

“Fuck,” he hits the palm of his hand with his forehead, his neck flushing red from embarrassment. “I didn’t want to ask you like that please, just forget about it.” He pleads sadly, tears brimming in the corner of his eyes. He wants the ground to swallow him whole. 

“I don’t want you to.” You say stubbornly wrapping your arms around his neck, “and I want to say yes I will move in and marry you, will you let me?” Your fingers play with the hair resting on the back of his neck making him shiver. 

He’s looking at you wide-eyed and in shock, “are you sure? We can forget about it and I can ask you when we’re not covered in cum and I have everything. I’ll even write a speech.” He says fast, his heart beating hard against his chest, threatening to fall out. The only other time he’s felt this way was when he held Haneul in his arms for the first time ever. 

You shake your head, pecking his lips softly, scrunching your nose, remembering that two of you still hadn’t brushed your teeth yet. “I don’t want a do-over, this was perfect, I mean I still want my ring so I can show it off, but this was perfect. It was us.”  

He lets out a sigh of relief, his shoulders falling forward, letting the tension leave his body. He was stressed out for no reason. “I love you so much,” 

“I love you, now can we shower?” 

“Yes, and then we can get breakfast and pick up Haneul together?” 

“Sounds like a dream come true.”

[studiojeon]

bitterness in goodbye | jjk

this is part of my troubled outsiders series. sadly, you can't read this as a stand alone (meaning: feel free to check the previous parts ♡)

| summary | - You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

warnings: none (?) i mean chaeryeong insults jungkook which is an atrocity in itself but-

contents: we diving into the angst my friends. jungkook is an innocent, kind hearted soul, i promise. oc's got the feels (out oct. 1) for jk. idol!jungkook × student!reader.

author's note: I EDITTED THIS FROM MY PHONE DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THAT IS? also, thank u for the amount of support i've been receiving lately, i appreciate everyone lots. feel free to ask away or suggest anything btw, i would love to write for any prompts you guys come up with. 💞💗💖💘💓💕

words: 1.57k

playlist: honey by halsey

Four weeks later, the receptionist of your apartment complex hands you over a cardboard box with the hoodie Jungkook and you had talked about that day on the Han River. Jungkook kept pestering you to please please please send him your address for confidential purposes, which you knew had to do with his determination to literally provide anything that catches your eye right away. You assumed it was a sensitive topic for the boy whether people had purposefully taken advantage of his money before, so you didn’t dare to say anything when the man asked you for your size literally two hours after he dropped you off, scared to either reject his solidare intentions or piss him off for bringing unwanted memories back. In  your defense, your personality type keeps oscillating between INFP and INFJ so it’s only natural that you take extra care to make sure those around you have as much peace of mind as possible in your presence. 

As pretty and comfortable the piece of soft clothing is, an important factor is missing, something that you can’t recreate buying two of the same size and color, and that is Jungkook's escence and how good it looks on him in comparison to anyone else in the world. Meaning, you didn’t like it as much as you thought initially would. And it absolutely did not have to do with the fact that your short stature made you look like a toddler who stole their dad’s jacket.

Still, in order to show Jungkook how much you appreciate his gift, you bring it to work the next day, and the rest of the days after that, with the excuse that with winter rolling around you needed something to keep you warm in the office. Jungkook doesn’t miss the opportunity to confirm your assumptions regarding your appearance whenever he barges into your office randomly throughout the week, arguing that ”you look so adorable” and doesn’t stop for two weeks more, until he gets used to seeing you wearing something you shared with him. Which doesn’t help ease your growing romantic feelings for him whatsoever.

Because yeah, you liked Jeon Jungkook, just like every human being with eyes and sexual desires, except, you didn’t just like him in a superficial way, and that’s where the problem with him resides. Though you are sure everyone has fallen in love with the endearing boy at some point - especially the excluded and invalidated women of society - you can’t help but place some blame on you for allowing yourself to be swooned so goddamn easily. Your mom had said to you at some point to be wary of the way some men would talk to you when you grew up, their intention usually being getting inside your pants, which has happened to you more times than you'd like to admit. And with the argument that she knew you better than anyone, she claimed you would comply right the second someone talked sweet to you; you despised the fact that was the case with Jungkook (and Jungkook only), although he had never shown any sexual innuendos. What your feelings could do to your relationship with Jungkook and your rather chill lifestyle scared you to death, shiver me timbers and all that shit, having romantic feelings for someone else is embarrassing, especially when your chance with them has been scratched out the second you laid eyes on them.

Jungkook sits on your couch, legs spread on your thighs as you two pretend to watch some series on netflix. “I don’t buy for a second the act you’re putting on right now.” he speaks randomly after staring at your deep-in-thought state for a few minutes and laughs when you snap at him for not letting you overthink in peace. “What’s going on?”

Truth is, you don’t fucking know. A few hours before he arrived at your place (you had to pick him up at the dorm and sneak the both of you through the subterranean parking lot, because god forbid someone saw Jungkook arriving at some chick’s dorm on a saturday afternoon) you swore you would be able to conceal whatever emotional turmoil you had going inside of you without compromising your regular behaviour around the man, but when push comes to shove, it’s impossible to keep yourself from wondering how far you could go before that special someone found out what was going on inside of your head.

Jungkook’s phone rings in his pocket with some annoying tone he had downloaded illegally from youtube the same day the company had handed over the device as a gift for him (you still were a little bitter over how they neglected the rest of the staff but you also knew it was kind of impossible for the human kind to just gift a-thousand-dollar-phones to almost five hundred people out of solidarity). “Hyung?” he picks up, still wary of your unusual behaviour, concerned eyes looking at you. “No, uh- i’m with Yugyeom right now.” and your heart shatters into a million pieces.

You have been suspecting for a while that Jungkook is being hesitant to introduce you to his social circle. Although, you’ve tried your best not to take it personal, it is getting harder to resist the urge to ask him what the fuck is up with that. The fact that Jungkook had to lie about the person he was hanging out with broke your ego; he could’ve just said he was with a friend, right? You suddenly feel like you’re fifteen again, when the guy you liked would love you in the dark but pretend he didn’t know you in the light. 

Holding your tears back, you gently push him off and make your way towards the bathroom in the most nonchalant way you could. This is your fault for falling for the nice popular guy in the first place, you remind the reflection staring back at you. Still, as bad as it hurt, there was no way you were going to cry over a stupid boy, let alone when he was literally sat on the next room. He can go fuck himself if he thinks he can just toss this behind as if nothing ever happened.

You text Chaeryeong instead.

“chaery bom bom: i swear to god i gonna throw hands the next time i see the bitch.

chaery bom bom: like who the hell does he think he is? fucking squidward looking asshole.

chaery bom bom: he ain’t even that cute bub, you’ll get over him. i know jinyoung wouldn’t treat you like this”

You sigh. Chaeryeong has been enamored with the idea of you and his former company colleague from GOT7 since the day she met the guy (which was somewhere around ten years ago), and although he was all that, you didn’t like his quiet and cold aura, it intimidated the fuck out of you (Jungkook was the entire opposite of that).

You spray on some perfume just to have an excuse as to why you randomly ran to the bathroom when Jungkook’s inquiring eyes stare as you sit back on the couch, which is exactly what he does. “You done with your call?” you ask, bitter.

Jungkook frowns, a bit taken aback by the sudden question but still unaware of the way his words had made you feel, not even sensing the hostile change in your mood. “Yes, it was one of our managers. He was wondering if I could come back to reshoot some...-thing.”

Okay, now you kind of understand as to why he lied in the first place and to say you feel guilty is an understatement. “I supposed he backed down once you mentioned you were hanging out with Yugyeom.” playfulness makes its appearance on your tone and Jungkook rolls his eyes at you, tongue poking on the inside of his slightly red cheeks.

“Sorry for that�� he moves closer and cuddles your arm, like a sad guilty puppy. “It’s just- I don’t want them asking questions''.

You understand. He is a very reserved and private person after all. It took you a bit to crack him open yourself. Plus, you kind of share that trait with him, you’d hate it too if people were constantly on your nerves for the people you decide to hang out with. 

And that’s all it takes to forgive him. Not very cash money of you.

“You better not pull that shit again, though” you shift in his hold and he looks up at you. One look into your eyes and he knows what you mean. “I’ll kick you out.”

After nodding, Jungkook resumes his concentration on the series you picked out for him. Due to your short attention span, you are very picky about what you invest your time in, especifically with audiovisual pieces of media, so Jungkook trusts you whenever you recommend something on very rare occasions. As a matter of fact, Jungkook was busy attacking your kitchen counters for snacks (which you didn’t have) when you mentioned Money Heist. “Munch on some grapes instead” you suggested to soothe his disappointment.

You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

[sugamamacustard]

Let Me Help You (Part. 2)

Pairing:  Alpha! Toru Oikawa x Omega! Reader, Alpha! Issei Matsukawa x Omega! Reader, Alpha! Takahiro Hanamaki x Omega! Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, Hurt/comfort.

Request: Oh boy, here we go!

Anon: hi!! can we get more of the omega depression drabbles/one shots? i would really like to see mattsun’s version and other characters you can think of!! the more angsty the better ;)p.s. luv your writing <3 also stay healthy, safe, and drink water !!

Anon:  Can you make part 2 of let me help you please. if not it’s fine with Mattsun and Makki

Anon: Could you do part 2 for the let me help you with makki and mattsun please if not that’s fine this is also my first time requesting something so i’m kinda nervous💕 

(Don’t be nervous at all, you did amazing!)

Anon:  Mamas, can I order a continuation of let me help you?? Please?? I need some fluff after that hurt 💕💕💕🥺🥺🥺

(Mamas anon! :DDD)

Anon: omg i love the omega depression!! please continue with the rest of the third years or a pt 2 with oikawa’s !! i love your writing!!

@bohica160​: Could we possibly get a part 2 with Oikawa please?  👉 👈  🥺

And I think that was all? You guys just really wanted this, and who am I to deny you? 

Summary: Because of unseen circumstances, you drop, and you drop hard. How does your alpha help you/redeem himself? 

Author’s Note:  I kinda wanna post some self-indulgent OC stuff on here, but idk. It’s kinda crack-y and stupid. Also, we love to see a healthy relationship. Like Hanamaki’s and Matsukawa’s are so soft. Also, also, please note Hanamaki’s is heavily based off of my own experience with depression and the events after with my best friend, whom I will love and cherish forever. 

Requests: Open!

Part 1:  Here!

➵ You drop was actually out of anyone’s control.

➵ Omega drops rely heavily on hormone balances, much like depression, and it seemed like this month just wasn’t your month. 

➵It was hard to exactly pin point when it got bad, or when you started experiencing symptoms, as they were slow and not necessarily noticeable.

➵A missed lunch here, a small scent shift there. 

➵Small things that neither you nor Takahiro would notice. 

➵It was much like a rollercoaster, inching higher and higher until the drop would come. 

➵ Honestly, both of you thought you were fine, and since you were around both of your mutual friends (The Seijoh Team)  enough no one could really point it out. 

➵ It truly was a bad situation all around.

➵ You only really began noticing after a few days of ignoring lunch in a row. 

➵ It hit you when you were sitting in the library, stomach clutching with hunger as you scanned through a textbook. 

➵ You attempted to get up and go find Takahiro to go get something to eat, but you just...didn’t. 

➵ You couldn’t find the energy to stand, much less walk, and just stayed seated

➵ You just couldn’t move. 

➵Like a million bags of sand were tied to your hips weighing you to the chair. 

➵ You swallowed tightly, rolling your shoulders before stuffing your text book into your bag, trying to breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. 

➵Deep breaths. Thats what you needed to focus on right now.

➵ But then you couldn’t. You were hyperventilating, and white-knuckling the edge of the table as your vision turned blurry and watery. 

➵ The cramping from your hunger combined with the sudden rush of emotions made you want to vomit.

➵ Before you could, you slung your backpack over your shoulder, bolting out of the library.

___

Laughter and chuckles were heavy as Takahiro gave a hearty chuckle at something Matsukawa said, shaking his head before taking a swig from his energy drink. His eyes darted to his phone every now and again, just checking to make sure you didn’t need him. 

You would always come first to him. 

When his screen lit up with your beaming face shining up at him, he quickly swiped to accept holding it to his ear, watching while the team laughed at Oikawa, who was shielding himself from Iwaizumi.

“Hiro?” 

“Shooting star?” His brows furrowed as he slowly began cleaning his stuff, straightening himself up so he could leave as soon as possible if you needed him; which, guessing by your home, you did. 

“I-I think something’s wrong.” You paused, making his heart drop. “I don’t know, but I think I need to go to the doctor, but, I know this is a lot so feel free to say no, can you-”

He didn’t let you finish. “Tell me where you are and I’ll come pick you up and drive you. Do you need me to call and book an appointment?” 

A few of his packmates turned with worried eyes, trying to send a non-verbal question. Well, for most of them. Oikawa was trying to whisper-yell his questions, Iwaizumi trying to shut him up. 

“I’m at the front of the school. I’ll just meet you at your car.” 

“I’ll be right there, shooting star. Stay safe, okay? I love you, and I’ll see you soon Omega.” Takahiro waited for your reciprocation and own farewell before hanging up, quickly standing and swinging his leg over the bench and grabbing his bag. 

“Makki-kun, is Y/N-chan okay?!” Oikawa screeched after him, actively crawling onto Iwaizumi, who looked like he was ready to commit first-degree murder. 

Makki threw up a thumbs up behind him, waiting till he was out of the cafeteria before sprinting towards the parking lot. 

He hoped, with every inch of his body, he didn’t lie to his captain. 

___

“Take your pills.” 

“Alpha, they taste horrid-”

“I don’t care, they make you feel better.” 

Takahiro watched you carefully, handing you two of the teal and white pills. The alpha was strict on very few things with you, but your health he did not fuck with. 

The appointment with your doctor went fine, with minimal blood work done, and you were sent off with a prescription for hormone balancing pills. You and Takahiro (Who was absolutely divine during the entire thing) were explained how the pills worked and why you dropped, all of which was simple enough to understand. Since then, Takahiro was insistent on you taking the pills in front of him. 

“Open.” Takahiro demanded, watching as you stuck your tongue out. He moved your head by your chin, checking the very corners of your mouth. “Lift your tongue.” 

You did so, showing nothing. He hummed in approval, letting go of your chin before pausing, pulling you close so you could hear his heartbeat. 

“Thank you for caring, Hiro.” You whispered, wrapping your arms around his neck and nuzzling into your alpha’s neck, taking in his scent. 

“Thank you for telling me about this and letting me help you.”  He responded, pressing a sweet peck to your temple and reminding himself you were still here in his arms. And would be with him for a long, long time. 

➵ Your drop was a mix between miscommunication and little whispers in your ear.

➵ Honestly, there was a reason you were in a pack with minimal other omegas. 

➵ They grew catty and mean and vindictive if there was something they didn’t like.

➵It was one of their many flaws and strengths. 

➵You yourself had caught yourself bad-mouthing another omega to your alpha every now and again. 

➵ Though you hated doing it, at some point it was just second nature.

➵ You and Issei had good communication though, and very rarely did something as silly as jealousy come between you two.  

➵ whenever something was bothering you or your alpha you would talk it out.

➵ You both trusted each other completely. 

➵ If something felt off about another person, you were quick to mention it to the other. 

➵ However, sometimes things got complicated.

➵ Insecurities seeped through your walls that Issei kept strong for you.

➵And sometimes, small little whispers became hurdles and boulders pounding against your defenses and breaking them down. 

➵Leaving you open and stumbling. 

➵ And sometimes, because of this you forgot that you had back-up, an artillery that would fight for you at the drop of a hat. 

➵ And those moments, that ones were you were caught with your tail between your legs and ass in the air waiting to be fucked over, were when you truly crumbled. 

➵And though it broke you down and made you hurt, your artillery had your back.

___

“Issei, I was-”

You bit your tongue as you were roughly shoved to the side by Akina Harakashi, the omega throwing herself at your alpha. His face remained unmoved and his arms by his side. 

She was his science partner for the semester, and though Issei reassured you she was nothing more, you couldn’t help but internally whine at how she acted with him. It was no secret that she liked him, but since you and Issei kept you relationship on the down low, rumors were bound to pop up. 

And though you didn’t let it show, they poked and prodded at you. Make your skin crawl as you ventured deep into your own mindset. Thoughts that would plague your every move and drive your omega into overdrive as they tried fixing whatever you picked on in your own reflection. 

You shivered as she looked up to Matsukawa, who was busy focusing on entering his locker combo. 

“Mattsunnnn~ I’ve missed you!” Her voice was literal nails on a chalkboard to you. 

“I saw you twenty minutes ago.” Matsukawa hissed as his locker popped open. “I haven’t seen you recently though, pretty thing.” 

Your omega purred as Issei grabbed his textbook, closing his locker and pushing past Akina. He smirked down at you, intertwining your pinkies in the most discreet way possible before walking you to class. 

You glossed over his question when he asked you how lunch went. 

___

“Do you think Harakashi and Matsukawa are dating?”

“It wouldn’t surprise me, have you seen how she hangs off of him?”

“I think they’d make such a cute couple!” 

“If Matsukawa doesn’t ask her out soon, he’ll loose her.” 

You kept your head down and scent blocking collar tight as you slowly crept through the hallway, exit in front of you. Honestly, you didn’t have the energy to continue on with the day, so you were leaving it the midst of lunch, where you could loose yourself in the crowd and disappear. 

You wanted nothing more than your alpha, but his last message had your eyes stinging. 

‘Harakashi asked me to meet her at lunch, so I won’t be able to see you. Eat something. At this point, I’ll even take junk food. Just get some food. I’ll see you after school.’

It shouldn’t hurt as much as it did, but it stung you deeply. This was it. This was the downfall of your and your alpha’s relationship. You were blown off for Akina Harakashi at long last. 

The rational part of you wanted to defend Matsukawa, but every time you tried, the insecurities that had been bubbling within you spit towards the rational part of you and your omega, throwing any redeeming thought into the corner to rot. 

A part of you was angry. Angry with Matsukawa for letting this happen. Angry with yourself for not speaking up. Angry with your fucking stomach which groaned for food of any sort. Livid with Akina for trying to steal Mattsun. 

Angry at the world. 

You couldn’t really remember the last time you ate anything besides...air. The days all blurred together in one miserable run. 

“What did I say?” 

You glanced over at Matsukawa, heart leaping at the jump he gave you appearing out of nowhere, leaning on the wall beside you.  You huffed, turning away from him and leaving him to follow after you. He did so, jogging a bit to catch up. 

“You said I’d see you after school. This is not after school.” You snapped, growling at the alpha. He raised a brow, either in disbelief at your attitude or amusement.

“Omega. I said eat. This doesn’t look like eating.”  His longer legs gave him the chance to cut in front of you, face now set in anger. 

“You also said you had to meet with Harakashi. So scurry along to your new play thing.” You shoved past Matsukawa, trying to ignore the stinging in your eyes. 

“What are you talking about?!” Issei smartened up, grabbing your wrist when you tried leaving him behind yet again, now visibly irritated. Truth be told, he was meeting up with Harakashi to put an end to her insistent clinginess. To put her in her place, beneath you. 

She tried confessing to him before he even looked up, coming into the room with her arms outstretched already, yelling about ‘I knew you felt the same’ or something . He dodged her, sneering down at her and snapping at her to leave him alone or he’d go through the semester alone (Which he already talked to the teacher about, but she didn’t need to know about that). 

Hanamaki had been his eyes when he wasn’t there, reporting back to Matsukawa with updates on you. His latest? You had been missing from lunch for the better part of the week, and last he saw you were ditching the last half of this day. 

Which Matsukawa wasn’t letting happen, because if you went home right now, you wouldn’t come back. And he couldn’t live with himself if he let you drop. 

“I was meeting with Harakashi to tell her to piss off. You’re my omega. Why in the hell would I even want someone like her when I already have you? You are mine, and I fought for you. I don’t need a corner worker.” 

Any fight you had in you disappeared when you saw the small tears glazing your alphas eyes, making your own break free as you ran into his chest. His arms locked around you, holding as if you would slip away if his grip loosened. 

Which you just might’ve. Good thing he wasn’t planning on letting you slip. 

“Wanna go get food?”

“...Yea. Can we get nuggets?”

“Anything for my pretty omega.”

➵ Okay this one is super short, and I’m sorry! I just wanted to get this out for you guys!

➵ And I think you guys wanted a follow up of sorts for Oikawa. 

➵So here it is!

➵ Things didn’t improve over night. 

➵It took awhile, but it was worth it. 

➵ In time you and Oikawa reached a nice equilibrium.

➵ He wore his bond mark loud and proud and you made sure to tell him when you were uncomfortable with his fangirls and how close they were getting.

➵ In turn, you learned to slowly let go of any reservations you had on his loyalty. 

➵He wouldn’t have marked you if he didn’t want to devote his entire being to you. 

➵ This showed up when a girl, who you despised (With no hard feelings, since she hated you just as much) tried confessing to Oikawa. 

➵Toru, baby boy, shut her down the minute she opened her mouth. 

➵ He didn’t even look her way, instead searching for you and quickly brightening up when he saw you.

➵ If he had a tail it would’ve been wagging. 

➵ Things improved and everyone was all the better for it. 

➵ And Toru made sure to, not only apologize to Iwaizumi, but gift him a voucher for a free movie for him and his omega (who was having a hard time as well).

➵Things were looking up and you both were sure to  keep it that way!

___

“Kentaro, please don’t hurt Kindaichi!” Your pleas fell on deaf ears as you tried to stop the alphas from snapping on each other. 

It wasn’t that Kyoutani didn’t like or respect you, because he did-- you were like a second mom, but Kindaichi just got on every single one of his nerves. And then tried dragging you into it! Like, the audacity of this bitch. 

“Kyoutani!” Your alpha’s bark had both the blond and raven pausing, a careful glance making both back down as Oikawa heading towards you guys (Throwing a pile of confession letters into the trash on his way by without even looking; some point they would get the hint if he left the blatantly in the open). 

The blond growled lowly, sending you a quick glance before returning to practice. Oikawa let him, turning his glare to the instigator of the whole thing. The onion-headed pup hid behind your smaller frame, making your laugh. 

It was almost like that moment when dad’s pulled out their ‘behave or else’ voice. And in a way it was. 

“One of these days my pretty dove won’t be there to save you, Kindaichi.” 

“I know.” 

You and Oikawa sent a look to each before you laughed, moving so Oikawa and Kindaichi could have a ‘man to man’ talk. 

The pack was dysfunctional, and you almost let it go. 

You were thankful you didn’t and still had this family to come back home too.  All thanks to your alpha. 

“STOP MAKING GOO-GOO EYES AT YOUR OMEGA SHITTY-KAWA.”

“I can’t help it, Iwa- IWA STOP HITTING ME- Y/N HELP-” 

You shook your head laughing, jogging to save said alpha. 

He was childish and arrogant, and sometimes got too far up his own ass, but he was yours. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

[moravincitomnia]

How to make anointing/offering oil for Loki

So, randomly on this night at the golden hour of 1-2am I had the brightest idea of, anointing my travel perfume bottle as like a deity offering anointing spray thing for Loki. Meaning whenever I use it it sends Loki’s good vibes my way and can be seen as an offering to him/ “I’m thinking about you” sorta thing. (If this doesn’t make sense you’re very welcome to know I am typing about this sleep deprived) But yes, this is how to anoint something for a deity and what I found researching into it and please try and do your own research too! 

Firstly, wtf is anointing ??

Well, it is smearing or rubbing with oil typically part of a religious ceremony. That’s the definition, and in this case that’s exactly what this is except the oil could pretty much be anything, it could be water, perfume, actual oil it’s up to you, use what you want. I call it anointing oil when referring to the perfume bottle thing I just did because I don’t honestly know what else to call it, it could be called an offering too. I don’t believe you have to use it during a ceremony and it doesn’t have to be religious, use it when you want to I think I decided to do this because I wanted something like this but I haven’t got any money at the moment so I’m just working with what I already have for now. This is just my opinion though, do what you feel you should do is basically the message through this, anyway next step! 

What can you put in the anointing oil? 

Literally anything, it can have herbs, liquids of whatever you got on hand - because mine’s a perfume bottle it’s one of those that you can put perfume in from a perfume bottle by taking the cap off and putting the bottom of it on top of the actual perfume bottle so only liquids can go inside it. You could also put sigils or Loki’s runes on the bottle or whatever you are using for it (I put his runes on it). Lots of different herbs can also be used for many different things, you can find some recipes online for free for them. 

You could use a spray bottle, those squeezable dropper bottles idk what they’re actually called or you could just put some in any sorta container and put it on with the tip of your finger and put it wherever. The easiest things to use to me would be water or perfume because you can use them for pretty much anything, you can also charge it up on Loki’s altar or his space, or any other way you would normally charge something - for me when it’s to do with Loki i just write his name on it and pop it on his altar for ether a few minutes or hours depending on when I plan on using it. 

And yeah, you’re done! You got a Loki anointed oil! I decided to make this post because I don’t think I’ve seen a post about this before on here and I feel like I’ve just cracked a code here realising I don’t need any fancy stuff to make it, but also I do want to say I’m not trying to be disrespectful of like fancy made anointing oil, if you can make that or you have that’s great good for you but this is for those of us who don’t have lots of ingredients or money. A DIY if you will, because I believe anyone should be able to make something like this with things already around them if they of course want to.

For ideas on when to use it you could use it for every holiday/sabbat you celebrate, in the morning, at night before you go to sleep, when you want to talk to loki to deepen the connection, on any special day or ceremony you chose to do and if you feel scared or anxious. I hope you enjoyed this short little guide of mine, and I hope you have fun making your Loki anointing oil, if you have any questions about it either message me or send me an anonymous message in my asks <33

[btsmosphere]

Crossing Paths - drabble from the Crossfire universe

request from @excusemyuwus -

I remember Tae said he had a crush on her while working on that project so now I kinda want to see his pov of that time and how he was holding being around his crush lol, not gonna lie gangster Tae all nervous bc he like someone is something want to see (also imagine how much the guys would tease him uwu)

tumblr ate your ask when I tried to answer it, sorry! this is the only part I had copied, but if it ever resurfaces, I shall answer there. for now it is still refusing to cooperate so I am posting like this! (update: the ask just returned, it is here)

~pairing: taehyung x reader ~word count: 1.4k ~pre-relationship, fluff, angst, slice of life, mafia au, college au ~rating: g ~warnings: vague mention of gang activity, this is a gang au after all, but it’s not particularly prominent

~a/n: thank you for your great request! this was so nice to come back to, I am so sentimental about this series as my first bts fic🥰takes me back to when I was just getting into bts… it felt hard to do it justice! because of this, sorry it took me a while to write, but I wanted to do it well, and again I kept the theme of making my ‘drabbles’ wayyy longer😅final big thanks to the site being frustrating and eating drafts and such🙃🙃but here it is, finally seeing the light of day! I hope you enjoy it x

“I can tell something’s on your mind, Tae.”

Jimin stared coolly at his friend. Looking over his shoulder guiltily as he unlocked the door, Tae found the other boy with his hands in his pockets, looking expectant.

All Tae could do was shrug as he elbowed the door open, heading to ditch his bag.

“Hey, Jimin’s right.”

A light flick on Tae’s forehead made him startle, looking up to find Hobi grinning, though his head was tilted to one side in question.

“What is it?”

Jimin’s shoulder nudged his own as they sunk into the sofa.

Tae checked his phone.

“It’s just a project for class, don’t worry about it,” he pocketed his phone, ignoring their gazes, “I gotta meet with my partner in an hour.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t staying that long anyway,” Hobi slumped down too, having helped himself to a drink from the fridge, “I’m on watch with Yoongi across town.”

As the discussion turned to this week’s jobs and deals, Taehyung rested his head back against the sofa. The sounds of his friends’ conversation was like static. Instead, he was picturing the scene in class earlier, as the slideshow was flipped to show the project partners on the screen.

Tae hadn’t been too fussed, idly playing with his pen lid as he searched for his name. But when his eyes fell on it, he sat up straight.

Having only bumped into you a few times in class, he had never expected his heart to be hammering quite so hard as he quickly scanned the room for you. Sliding his things away, he had walked towards you as everyone began to file out, meeting you halfway as you did the same.

Leaning against a desk to keep his jittery hands occupied, he grinned at you.

Your returning smile, he noticed, was much more nervous, only flickering into existence for a wavering second. The two of you had only a brief conversation to sort out when you would meet, before you had practically scurried away.

His eyes had lingered on you as his smile slowly sank.

Unconsciously poking his tongue against his cheek, Tae wondered if you were afraid of him.

“Hey!”

A finger clicked sharply in front of his face. He blinked back at Hobi’s grin, Jimin bursting into laughter at his side.

“Just a project, my ass,” Hobi shook his head, dumping an empty bottle on the coffee table, “don’t wanna be late, do you?”

A radiant smile was tossed over his shoulder as Hobi left the room, front door clicking soon after.

Sending his best friend a knowing look, Jimin also gathered himself to stand.

“Have fun tonight, yeah?”

He winked. Tae protested, shooting up from the sofa with an affronted look.

“So it is a special someone?” Jimin giggled.

“You’re impossible,” Tae grumbled, trailing after him to the door, “it’s just a project, I told you.”

Jimin hummed in a way which made it very clear he didn’t believe him.

“Don’t scare them off, tiger,” he remarked, stepping outside.

Tae’s shoulders slumped. He was certain that was just what he had already done.

“I’m busy tonight. And my house isn’t free, so I can’t have anyone showing up here.”

Namjoon chuckled across the line.

“All this for a college project?” Clearly he had heard about this from the others. “If you could lend Kook some of your commitment to school, that would be great,” he teased.

Sighing, Tae spun around to survey the road outside his window, ruffling his own hair.

“You’re very funny, but I need to go. See you tomorrow.”

Tae was certain he would never hear the end of this from the others. It was true that he had firmly set aside time for your meeting today, even if it was only for a minor college presentation. But it was important to him.

He knew that this was the only time he would get together with you, and though it would end as soon as the presentation was given, he couldn’t help but want to make the most of it. At your last meeting, he had been largely distracted by the dizzying height of your apartment, leaving him shying back from any windows.

So this left you with his house today instead.

Arriving soon after Tae’s phone call, you were both soon seated on his floor. Though you mostly worked in quiet with occasional, quick conversation, it was not awkward. Your legs lay close together under the coffee table as you scribbled away diligently on its surface.

Glancing over the lid of his laptop as his fingers hung idly, Tae sighed. Watching as your pen swirled across your notebook, he let his eyes drift across your focussed features.

He swallowed as he did so, teeth tugging his lip. A light frown came over your features. He couldn’t take his eyes away from your lips as your pen lifted to your mouth, resting between your teeth as you mulled the work over, eyes flitting about the page.

Eventually, the lack of tapping at his keyboard must have got through to you. You raised your head.

Too late to divert his gaze, Taehyung cleared his throat and muttered a proposal for a break. Eager as well to put your work aside, you clambered from the floor to join him at his offer of a drink.

Moving through to the kitchen, he made casual conversation, asking after your dad. Last time there had only been a brief meeting, as he met Tae at the door before you hurried him away.

Picking up on his offer to chat, you teased Tae for his fear of heights, giggling over how he had screwed his eyes shut whenever he had come within sight of the view from your windows.

Of course, Tae tried his best to roll his eyes at you, but the smile dragging the corners of his mouth refused to be suppressed.

He poured your drinks. When he turned away to put the cartons back in the fridge, he took a breath, trying to settle himself. Why did he feel so flustered?

Squaring his shoulders a little more, he turned back, only for his hand to catch one of the glasses. It clattered against the surface, barely leaving time for him to jump back and avoid being splattered with its contents.

You hopped from your seat, ready to help.

Swallowing down his shock, Tae scratched at the back of his neck to hide his slightly trembling hand.

“Don’t worry,” he quickly muttered, flashing a nervous smile as he gathered towels and set to cleaning up.

Soft laughter followed from you. Still, you reached across to help.

Righting the glass and taking one of the cloths to clear up, your hand came concerningly close to Tae’s own. He kept his eyes firmly fixed on the countertop, his cheeks warm even as you finished and he was rooting in the fridge again for a refill.

You seemed miraculously unfazed by his flailing, though, he noticed as you finally settled beside each other sipping your drinks.

“So it went well?”

Jimin nudged a reluctant Tae, eyebrows wiggling all the time.

“Yes, fine,” Tae groaned, trying to shrug him off.

Jimin did stop, but only in favour of staring at his friend with doleful eyes.

“Don’t be like that. You’ll see her again. You literally share a class!”

“It’s nothing like that,” Tae refuted.

He even halfway believed it.

You had got on well together, but surely not more than could be expected of most classmates? He sighed a little as he thought of it. It had been fun, but there was no excuse to spend any more time with you.

Besides, sparing one night to work on a project was a little different to becoming friends, or even more…

There was a reason the bangtan boys stuck to themselves.

But as he reminisced, he knew he had a soft spot for you, even if it should come to nothing. The project was over, the presentation given, but he still remembered the way you bounced with excited relief after you had finished talking to the class. Your face was glowing as you high-fived him with a grin, the work having paid off.

There was still a hint of nervousness though, and you had only given a timid smile and a small ‘see you later’ before heading out of class.

And that was the end of it.

But Tae smiled to himself. It had been fun, and he knew he wouldn’t be sorry if you ever crossed paths again.

Thank you for reading! Reblogs and comments super appreciated always!!

Taglist: @aianloveseven​ @preciouschimine​ @un2-verse​ @ddaechwita​ @taegularities​ 

[thedeathdeelers]

Juke fluff, right this way (based on this post)

you’re music to me (now on AO3)

“So, how come you guys are always here?”

Julie was staring down at her latest doodle, contemplating adding some more purple to bring out the details, when the question popped into her head. She had been wondering for a while now why the boys weren’t using more of their supernatural ghostly powers to their advantage, and figured that now was as good a time as any to ask.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and both Reggie and Alex had disappeared off to wherever they liked to spend their free time. Whenever they weren’t practicing, the boys usually found ways to entertain themselves, mostly at the expense of the other members of the Molina family.

Luke on the other hand, could usually be found either in the studio cooped up writing new lyrics, or hanging out with Julie in her bedroom (although even then, he would still have his notebook on him, jotting down words and melodies as inspiration struck), as was the current case.

Julie and Luke were sitting cross legged across each other on Julie’s bed; Julie doodling on a school notebook, and Luke working on a particularly difficult bridge for a new song they were hoping to premiere at their next gig in a few weeks.

So when Julie had asked Luke her question and she wasn’t directly met with an answer, she had just figured that he was busy writing down new ideas in his song book. But when the silence stretched longer than was usual for Luke, Julie finally looked up and noticed him staring at her with an odd expression on his face.

“What? Did I say something? What’s wrong?”

“Do you- do you want m- us to leave? I- I mean we thought you were fine with us living here, what with the band picking up and- But of course, if you want us to leave, that’s completely fine. The boys’ll understand and-“

“No! No that’s not what I meant at all!” Julie’s eyes got incredibly large, as she realised how her words must have been perceived. She frantically shook her head, her ponytail whipping at her cheeks with the movement, as her hands, covered in smudges of colourful ink reached out to rest on his knees.

“No, Luke. Of course I don’t mind you guys staying here - I really do like- love having you guys around. I just meant- I mean you guys can literally teleport anywhere, do anything, and not have to worry about getting caught. But as far as I can tell, you guys just hang around here all the time, or meet up with Willie every now and then at some random celebrity’s house.” Julie pulled her hands back in her lap, shrugging. “I don’t know, I guess I was just wondering why?”

She could see him visibly deflating, the odd expression on his face having morphed into a more composed look. He let out a breath, tapping his pen loudly against the pages in front of him with one hand, while the other rubbed at the back of his neck.

“Yeah, we- I mean we just haven’t felt the need to do anything else, I guess? When we first got here, we explored all of our old haunts,” insert smirk here, “checked out some of the new music that’s been taking over the scene - we even went to a few concerts.” He shrugged, his hand coming back down to rest on his knee. “But nothing’s really pulled at us enough to seriously want to leave for any extended period of time.”

She found that quite strange. Here she was talking to the boy who told her that their instruments were attached to their souls, and he was simply shrugging at the idea of being able to go to any concert anywhere, for free, without any consequences.

“You’re telling me you’re not even interested in checking out some of the older bands you guys were really into? Attend some of the concerts you always wanted to go to but couldn’t because they were on the other side of the country? Of the world?” She could hear how dubious she was starting to sound, but she couldn’t help it. None of this made sense.

Luke tilted his head to the side as he looked at Julie with a look that made it seem she was missing the obvious.

“But you wouldn’t be able to come with us? Where would the fun be in that?” He smiled at her, a small glint in his eyes. She rolled hers at him in return.

“Ha ha, very funny. Seriously, Luke, aren’t you, for lack of a better word, dying to go see certain people, certain bands, live? For free?”

He shrugged again, seeming unbothered by her line of questioning.

“Not really. I haven’t really felt any pull to check out new music in a while. I’ve been more excited about the stuff we’ve been making anyway.” He paused, playfully tapping her knee. “Plus I’m not sure I’d be able to properly enjoy a concert if I knew you couldn’t be there. Not as fun.”

She stared at him, wondering if his sanity had been touched.

“Not as fun? Really? I hope you realise you’re not making any sense. You know damn well that having Reggie with you alone would be enough. He’s the life of every party, dead or alive.”

She heard him snort, his head bending back down as he prepared to refocus his attention on the song book in his lap.

“I don’t know, Julie. It’s hard to explain. I just-“ He stopped himself mid-sentence, suddenly seeming to be too engrossed by the words on the pages in front of him. Only she knew better.

She put her notebook aside, and crawled across the tiny space between them, coming to rest on her folded knees right in front of him. She put her hands on his, stilling the tapping of the pen, and covering the words on the pages. She patiently waited for him to finally look up, focusing his attention back on her.

“Luke, you know I’d never hold it against any of you guys if you were to go and have fun without me. You guys deserve it - all you do is hang around here, unless we’re playing a gig somewhere. You should be enjoying your afterlife, not spending it constantly practicing or writing new songs or worrying about our next gig. Live a little!” He was frowning throughout her speech, but she could see the corners of his lips twitching a little at her choice of words.

He stayed quiet though, just staring at her, his eyes searching for something on her face. What it was he was looking for, she couldn’t tell you.

But after a few minutes of silence, he took a deep breath, tilting his head backwards as he closed his eyes, his hands twisting around, threading his fingers through hers.

“It’s not that I- that we would feel guilty, Jules. We’re happy with the way things are here. And to tell you the truth, I haven’t really felt the need to look for new music for a while now - what we create, you and me and the boys, it keeps changing and shifting and surprising me everyday.” He sighs, bringing his face back down, his eyes opening as they centred back on hers. In a softer tone, he continued. “Why would I go looking for something else, when everything I need is right here?”

She had a feeling he wasn’t just talking about music anymore.

“Why would I want to go searching for something else Jules, when I’ve already found the best? Something that I have right here, right under my fingertips?” He let go of her hands as he reached for her face, hers falling limply into his lap. His fingers brushed her cheeks lightly, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind, before they settled under her jaw, cradling her face in his palms. She couldn’t speak even if she wanted to.

“I have no desire whatsoever to go to concerts or look for new music, new talent, when you literally live under the same roof as I do.” His thumbs caressed her cheeks, his face moving closer to hers.

“You are music to me, Julie. As long as you’re in my life, my afterlife, whatever you want to call it, I see no reason in looking for anything, or anyone, else.”

He closed the distance between them, his forehead coming to rest against hers. She could do nothing but stare up at him, eyes wide and mouth hanging slightly open, her mind furiously trying to process Luke’s words.

You are music to me, Julie.

Her heart was beating so quickly, so loudly, it felt like it was about to burst out of her chest and take flight. She tried to focus on her breathing, taking deep breaths to center herself, before she gave up and threw herself into the stunned ghost’s lap. She wrapped her arms around him, and pressed her face into the crook of his neck. With the shock of the impact, Luke lost his balance, sending both teenagers tumbling backwards onto the bed. But even then, all Julie did was press herself closer against Luke, hoping he wouldn’t try to pull away.

To her delight all he did was readjust their position, tucking her head under his chin as he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tighter against him.

“What did I do to deserve such enthusiasm?” He chuckled, his hands rubbing soothing circles on her back.

Julie just shook her head, her lips moving against his neck. She felt him shiver beneath her, causing her lips to tilt upwards.

They remained in this position for a while, Luke rubbing her back, as Julie continued to breathe in his scent, enjoying this quiet intimate moment with him for as long as possible.

But then she felt Luke shift as he turned to his side, her head softly hitting the mattress beneath her. With their legs still tangled, and her arms still securely wrapped around him, she looked up at him, his face hovering a few inches above hers.

“I just want to try something,” was all he said.

And with that he moved down until his head cane to rest against her chest. His arms snaked around her waist, as he pressed his ear closer to where her heart was currently beating a mile a minute.

With a loud sigh, Luke stilled, remaining in that position. Julie tried to stay quiet, tried to keep her curiosity at bay, but she simply couldn’t.

“Luke, what are you doing? I mean, not that I mind but, is there a reason you moved?” She tugged lightly at his hair, her fingers finding refuge in his soft brown locks.

She could feel him shake his head under her fingers, as he quietly started to hum a melody she couldn’t recognise. His fingers then joined in, tapping along to an unknown beat on her waist. She shifted her head to the side, craning her neck trying to get a glimpse of Luke’s expression.

She could see a smile making an appearance on his face, and could swear she could feel his touch getting warmer, see light emanating from his every pore.

“Luke?”

A beat of silence. He opened his eyes, as he looked at her with a tender look and the softest smile gracing his lips.

“I’m just listening to my favourite song.”

“Oh? What favourite song? I heard you humming it, but I’m not sure I recognised it?”

“No, no. I wasn’t humming the song, I was just adding a little melody as an accompanying piece.”

Julie was thoroughly confused. “I don’t get it. Accompanying piece to what?”

“To my favourite song silly, I already told you. It’s more of a beat, really, but when I’m listening to it I swear I can hear the sweetest sounds in my head.”

When Julie still didn’t understand what in the world he was talking about, that frustrated look refusing to leave her face, Luke took pity on her as he started tapping out the beat on her waist again, demonstrating to her what he meant.

It took her a little while, but once she focused, she realised he was tapping along to her heartbeat. It stuttered at her realisation, and Luke’s fingers followed, not missing a beat.

Oh. Oh.

Her hands tightened their hold on his head as she tugged harder, guiding him back up towards her. She couldn’t hold it in anymore, refused to hold it in anymore. Once he was at her eye level, close enough she could feel his breath on her lips, she whispered-

“I love you.”

The brightest smile she had ever seen took over Luke’s face, his eyes shining as they competed against the brightness of his smile. His hands reached up, cradling her face again as he whispered back against her lips:

“You are music to me now, you are music to me forever.”

Forever. She liked the sound of that. If she could somehow manage to keep him for that long, it might just be enough.

FIN

[achubbydumpling]

Modern Bucky is fat and Steve’s sugar baby. Steve likes to spoil him. :3

eyy only took me a month and a half to answer 😂😂 I'm sorry, nonnie, but I'm highjacking your idea and using it for today's chubtober prompt :D

(I ended up having a lot more ideas for this than I could actually finish writing in time, so this ends pretty abruptly as soon as Steve and Bucky actually meet)

[unfinished] Oct 3: Masks and Malfunctions

Rating: Mature Words: 1911 Relationship: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers Additional Tags: Sugar Daddy AU, Daddy Kink, Belly Kink, Weight Gain, Verbal Humiliation, Stuffing, Corsets, Age Gap

Bucky’s phone chimed and he didn’t even have to look at the screen to know that “Steve” just sent him more than enough money for the costume Bucky wanted. He didn’t actually know if that was the guy’s real name, but he’d been funding Bucky’s lifestyle since the beginning of college and Bucky wasn’t about to fuck that up by questioning the guy’s identity.

If this were a normal Halloween party Bucky would have just bought a random costume at Spirit Halloween, but his kinda boyfriend Jonas (it’s complicated) had invited him as a plus one to an actual masquerade ball. Bucky didn’t even know those kinds of things existed outside of fantasy novels, but right now he was at a high-end clothing store getting an “appropriate” costume.

[Bucky] Thank you, Daddy❤

Bucky texted Steve and then went back to trying on another dress shirt. This one had a looser cut that reminded him of something the male love interest in a period drama would wear or a pirate.

“Wonderful choice,” the store clerk told Bucky when he stepped back from the mirror. Bucky would probably never get used to having someone help him pick out clothes, but the higher-end stores Bucky had been to all offered this type of assistance.

“It drapes very well,” the clerk said with a sneer on his face. Bucky turned back to the mirror. Yes, he had to admit he’d fallen victim to the freshman 15. A small belly was rounding out even against the loose fabric of the shirt, but he didn’t actually feel self-conscious.

Steve had complimented him on every single one of those pounds. Bucky probably wouldn’t even have noticed all the changes to his body if Steve hadn’t been constantly talking about them. Bucky had never put much effort into maintaining his physique, but being hyped up by Steve over the smallest changes of his body made him feel desired and his heart fluttered every time his sugar daddy complimented his thicker thighs and soft belly.

“Any other suggestions?” Bucky asked and the clerk scoffed.

“A corset,” he muttered under his breath, but Bucky’s ears pricked up at the suggestion. His first instinct was to text Steve. Bucky didn’t know why it was important for him to know Steve’s opinion when Bucky was going to the party as someone else’s plus one, but excitement stirred in Bucky’s stomach at what Steve might say.

“Sure, get the corset.” Bucky sent the clerk on their way and then sat down to text Steve. He could feel his belly straining against the shirt buttons now that he was sitting down and he snapped a picture of the way the buttons on the otherwise loose shirt were straining over the thickest part of his belly.

[Bucky] Daddy~ they’re telling me I’m fat

[Bucky] they said I need a corset

[Steve] You will look incredible either way.

Annoyance prickled at the back of Bucky’s neck from the generic compliment.

[Bucky] that’s not what I asked

[Steve] You didn’t ask anything.

Bucky rolled his eyes at how literal Steve could sometimes be, but Bucky also didn’t know how to ask for what he really wanted to hear.

Some of his classmates had teased him for his weight gain and instead of making Bucky feel insecure, the hot shame had shot straight to his dick and he’d had to excuse himself to deal with the problem. Since then Bucky couldn’t stop thinking about Steve telling him those things.

Bucky didn’t even know what the guy looked like, but he’d quickly developed a crush just from texting him. It was actually fun to talk. Bucky couldn’t understand how the guy was single when he seemed like this perfect, interesting and kind guy—and rich on top of all that.

There has to be something wrong with him, but so far Bucky hadn’t been able to figure it out. Not for the first time Bucky wondered who Steve actually was, but his thoughts were interrupted when the clerk came back with three different corsets.

All the same material and color, just different cuts. Bucky’s eyes were immediately drawn to the tiny waist cincher—just tall enough to cover the widest part of his belly. Despite his grumblings the clerk helped Bucky lace up the corset and when he looked in the mirror he couldn’t believe it was him looking back.

His entire body shape seemed different. From the billowing sleeves of the shirt emphasizing his wide shoulders to the waist cincher doing an excellent job of making it look like he still had a waist instead of the soft belly that was hidden underneath. The simple black slacks he was wearing completed his outfit. Simple colors, just black and white.

The mask he had chosen matched as well. A deep midnight black that contrasted with his piercing blue eyes and gold detailing that caught the light when Bucky turned his head. He snapped another picture for Steve, but didn’t wait for his response. Bucky could still hardly believe that a single outfit could be this expensive, but Steve of course had transferred enough money to pay for it. On his way home Bucky finally checked his phone.

[Steve] What did I tell you? Incredible.

[Bucky] better than without the corset?

[Steve] This feels like a set-up.

Bucky groaned at Steve’s response. Of course, Bucky would luck out and get the sugar daddy that won’t humiliate him for gaining fifteen pounds before the semester was even over and wasn’t that a personal revelation. Bucky had never thought of himself as someone who could want something like this, but since gaining weight he had become more aware of his body—and how others perceived it.

[Bucky] it is

He quickly pocketed his phone after sending that text. Bucky immediately regretted it. He’d had a good thing going with Steve. Why risk fucking that up? His phone vibrated multiple times, but Bucky was too worried to check his messages until he got home. As soon as he’d closed the apartment door behind him he fished his phone out of his pocket.

[Steve] What does that mean?

[Steve] If you don’t want to continue this arrangement, you can just tell me.

[Steve] Bucky.

[Steve] Answer me.

[Steve] What do you want me to say? That you’re a spoiled pig? That you’ve gotten fat on your Daddy’s money and need a corset to look good for your little boytoy?

Bucky’s throat went dry as he read Steve’s message. The wave of lust that crashed through him, threw him off balance and he sat down heavily on the bench in the entry way of his apartment. He read the message again. And again. His dick gave an interested twitch. It was embarrassing how much he reacted to Steve’s words.

[Steve] Is that what you want?

[Steve] Don’t leave me on read.

Bucky didn’t know what to say. He typed and retyped the same message again until another one from Steve popped up.

[Steve] ‘Yes’ or ‘no’? It can’t be this hard to type one fucking word.

Bucky couldn’t breathe. Steve had always been kind and considerate, it made Bucky’s heart race to see this side of him.

[Bucky] Yes.

[Steve] Thank you, but we will talk more about this tomorrow.

Bucky’s phone chimed to tell him, he should be on his way now if he wanted to get to the party on time. His mind was still caught up in foggy arousal, his cock tenting his slacks. It’s too much, he wasn’t thinking straight and Steve wasn’t even here—wasn’t even touching him. Just a text and Bucky was a mess.

At least the walk to the subway station helped to clear Bucky’s head and chase away some of the immediate, burning need that had been burning in his guts just a few minutes earlier. It left him frustrated, but slightly more level-headed and in a more appropriate mood to be out in public.

When Bucky met up with Jonas outside the high-rise office building the guy was already wasted. He was surrounded by his office buddies and Bucky was honestly about to turn on his heel and go back home when Jonas called out to him. With all his mates there Jonas treated Bucky like another one of them and Bucky was already over the metaphorical dick-measuring contest that was happening whenever one of these guys opened their mouth.

Once they got inside Bucky split off from the group, Jonas didn’t even seem to notice. So, he explored the venue. The party stretched across multiple floors. The bottom floor was full of rich and wanna-be rich people schmoozing and socializing, barely anyone of them had stuck to the masquerade theme and Bucky kept debating whether he should take off his own mask.

He was much more comfortable on the upper floor. There were less people here and most of them kept to themselves. He felt less out of place when he noticed that most of the people here stuck to the masquerade theme, there were only a few people who’s face wasn’t at least partially hidden behind a mask.

Jonas didn’t even shoot him a quick text to ask where he had disappeared to, so Bucky was more than ready to just find whatever food this place offered, eat for free tonight and make the best of the situation. He didn’t know what he’d expected dating someone his age, but Bucky was done settling for anything and he made a resolution to break up whatever was going on between him and Jonas.

When Bucky finally found the buffet that was standard for these types of events, he couldn’t stop himself from loading up two plates and searching for a quiet, secluded place to eat. At this point it had become a reflex to send Steve a text whenever he sat down to stuff himself.

[Bucky] found the food

He sent a picture with his hand next to the plates to give Steve a sense of how big they were. Some guy’s phone went off as soon as Bucky hit send two tables over and for a moment Bucky wondered if that’s Steve.

He had a commanding presence even sitting down. Bucky could tell he’s a gym buff from his ridiculous shape. His shoulders looked almost double the size of his waist. As well as the large plate of food in front of him. This man needed to fuel his body with all those calories, but Bucky was eating more than him and only planning on getting fatter. Bucky dug in.

His little costume went from fitting perfectly fine to too tight within half a plate of food. The corset was throwing a wrench into Bucky’s plan of stuffing himself. He already felt full before he had even really gotten started. The blond guy from two tables over caught Bucky’s eye again. He was frowning at his phone and looking back up at Bucky.

[Steve] What are you doing here?

[Bucky] what do you mean?

Another phone chime from two tables down. Bucky re-read the text two times before he looked back at the blond guy. No way that’s Steve. That would be too much of a coincidence, right? Bucky sent another message and the guy’s phone went off again. For a moment Bucky contemplates just getting up and walking away, but then Steve was already out of his chair and walking up to Bucky’s table.