#log analysis

[stackify-by-net-reo]

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[ai-azura]

The Benefits of Routing Requests to the Fastest Server

The Benefits of Routing Requests to the Fastest Server

[donnatroyyyy]

Jason Todd’s death storyline was perfectly executed because they killed him figuratively (killed his innocence) before actually killing him. It’s a tragedy because he died in two separate ways. And the reason his resurrection is just as much a tragedy is because only one of the things killed can be brought back and it wasn’t the thing that made Jason who he is (his innocence and kindness).

[carlyraejepsans]

to summarize an unduly rambly post: our control over kris has been steadily growing more and more distressing for them throughout the story. the snowgrave route, possibly the most gut wrenching, violating imposition of our will on theirs AND Noelle's (*homer voice* so far!), explicitly, thematically, and visually represents possession and coercion through romantic imagery, specifically rings and weddings. it's nauseating. it forces both of them into an implied relationship that neither of them is comfortable in by leveraging noelle's desperate wish to reconnect with her childhood friend. it has exactly the horrible connotations you don't want it to have.

ralsei being presented as both a direct callback to asriel—both the undertale asriel we know, and y'know... kris' brother in deltarune—while also setting him and kris up in a clearly romantic context that kris does not seem to either share or be comfortable with, is not a coincidence. it's not an accident. "isn't that a little incestuous" that's the point! kris' agency being stripped away is one of deltarune's main thematic cores: the game is repeatedly setting up a pattern where that theme is reinforced by putting kris in upsetting, unwanted romantic relationships for OUR entertainment. nothing fits the bill better than pairing them with the nostalgia bait companion that literally looks like their brother.

[waterme-stories]

I knew it. I spent like three hours drawing a Joe's Pizza box one time, I knew it was the same fucking font (or very close). That diner is a goddamn varient of Joe's Pizza from Spider-Man 2.

[freakinator]

thinking about kab and the thing about her i think is she knows just enough to keep herself safe Generally but not enough to really predict what would happen should something more... complicated??? unforeseen??? idk whats the right word to use but something not covered by someones reputation and/or vids happen, believe it or not this also affects her view of clownpierce (we'll get to that)

for example, mapicc has a reputation for being an violent, angry, & impulsive guy and nothing else which makes sense but is incredibly surface level and something that only really works if you dont have a lot of experience working with him

another is reddoons, his betrayal after the base incident while shocking is not unforeseen but his reputation as being a guy whos seen as being a reasonable person whos fairly loyal to his team made it seem like something he wouldnt do even tho it absolutely is

regarding how it affects her view of clown, since he isnt perfectly aligned with his reputation she instead pivots in the complete opposite direction and forgiving basically every crime he does even tho hes something much more mild and complicated than either his reputation or her view of him will ever be (think madonna-whore complex which is especially obvious when it comes to kabs vs woogies view of him)

another side effect of this Just Enough amount of knowledge aside from being blinded by her own expectations is that it frustrates ppl who think shes oversimplificating things (like me and seemingly several other tumblr users as well) especially when she claims that shes objectively correct and the smartest in the room at any given moment

how this roughness in her analysis affects her in the server still has yet to be fully seen but we do still have at least a couple months until the end but 'til then shes just gonna keep stumbling as more and more complicated situations pop up as is typical in lifesteal to happen and eventually shes gonna have to learn to adapt or else she'll be suffering the consequences one way or another

[ultrakillmmmyes]

i wanted to get better at drawing creatures and then hakita’s iconic ultrakill character got involved???

[totem-but-shark]

foolish definitely has an "rp mode", a certain lilt to his voice and delivery that has my attention locked on every word for hidden meaning and hints as he crafts his character in real time. it's most definitely subtler than others and so more easily goes under the radar to non doozers but it's undeniably there and if you're used to it and paying enough attention you come to recognise when he is or isn't in this "rp mode" and sometimes even the moment he shifts between them.

It's something about how every word is spoken with intention and deeper meaning, you can tell foolish is thinking more. Very specific wording choices and the ways he dodges around certain topics or implies others. At times it even feels like he's handpicking every word, carrying this unique weight not found anywhere else in his streams. He talks slower, his tones different, i swear the atmosphere of the whole stream shifts. Theres also an underlying smugness to it all because he's a bastard and knows he's killing it and that we the audience are eating that shit UP

foolishs rp is often discredited because he's sillier, and less "serious". He has his own unique rp style hes found for himself over his years of mc and other rp but because it's less obvious in your face crazy angst it seems like it's harder for non foolish viewers to identify. Honestly it's been really cool to watch his style develop as he finds what works best for him personally and it's only gotten better and better, I hope to see more of his rp wherever he decides to take it next.

[whamss]

Every now and then I think I'm kind of sleeping on classpect analysis, but also what you have to understand about me is that I'm way less enchanted by the act of defining classes and aspects and way moreso by how individual Characters contextualize their relationship with their aspects and assign meaning to it based on their experiences

Something that I always found striking about late Act 6 Kanaya was the way she recontextualizes her relationship with her aspect as something so specific to her and her own experiences. Something about the juxtaposition between Alt Calliope mapping out hard rules about her classpect, saying "This is what it means to be a Space player" "This is what it means to be X" while Kanaya talks about how her experiences formulated her own relationship with her classpect. It's a fascinating difference between them where I never think that the story tries to say that either of them are Wrong about how they view Space. But there's such an underappreciated depth there where Calliope is demonstrated to be somebody who's obsessed with rules, strict categorization, while Kanaya says "this is what my experiences have told me, this is what Space means to Me." And Alt Calliope saying things like Space players are inseparably tied to loneliness are interesting claims, but also putting these beliefs in context with each other you can just as easily see how Alt Calliope's views of space can be formulated by her lifelong (deathlong) experience with isolation.

I think a big reason that I always found it hard to engage with a lot of classpect analysis is that there's this insistence that classpects must have strict categories that define people, when throughout the comic we consistently see how things like aspects and classes mean different things to different people. The way that Kanaya, Calliope, and Jade all see Space and their relationship to it is so so different, I sort of wonder if they'd have any common ground if they actually discussed it between each other (or wrote their thoughts down and passed it around, as Calliope would undoubtedly dominate that conversation lol). The same goes for Rose and Vriska with Light, the Time players... I don't know, it's striking to me. I can understand why the rumored Hussie Classpect doc is supposedly only a sentence or so per classpect because what do you even say? When the variety of experiences is so broad among them, it's impossible to define Classpects cohesively. Alternatively, aspects are something strictly defined by the meaning that people (characters) assign to them

[mettywiththenotes]

No cause I could talk forever about Tomura and Izuku's dynamic with each other...

Them first meeting at USJ. Izuku wondering wtf is up with this guy, and regarding Kurogiri as more dangerous at the time. Tomura wondering wth was up with this kid, but also noting how fast he was, how he said Smash like All Might did

Tomura's obsession over Izuku being someone who lost a fight in order to save his opponent's heart. Printing a photo of Izuku out, staring at it, trying to figure out why he pisses him off so much (it's because Izuku is not like the other heroes). The Mall Scene being Tomura holding Izuku hostage just to vent about Stain, meeting by chance being "fate or destiny". Izuku actually being honest instead of saying something else that maybe could have freed him (the guts on this kid I swear)

Izuku remembering what Tomura said about "smiling wide as if to say there's no one he can't save", remembering it because Kouta started hating society, and in the next scene relating Kouta's anger to his own struggles with quirklessness, effectively tying all 3 of them together with the connection being the struggle with rejection and pain society gave them

The Mall Scene being the very first instance where Tomura was triggered by memories of his past, something that was so blurry to him until that point, and then the memories fully coming back in MVA. Tomura thinking almost the exact same thing Izuku thought when he was a kid ("What I really wanted/needed you to say was...") which draws them together again

The back and forth between the both of them in the war arc. "I'll send you to heaven!" and why tf did he say heaven instead of hell. The LOOK shown between each of them when AFO possessed Tomura. And of course "I'll never forgive you!" "And I won't forgive anyone."

Izuku going to the void and seeing Tomura being choked and strangled and struggling to move and then seeing Tenko crying in his garden and the LOOK he gave Tomura when he saw that. The way Tomura said it's his body, it's his dream, to AFO but looked directly at Izuku when he said it. Izuku "raging for the sake of others", the concerned expression on his face and then leaping to push back against AFO's will, leaping towards Tomura to do SOMETHING

Afterwards, when Izuku watched Tomura fall and thought "Please don't get back up", not just because of the amount of destruction Tomura could cause now that Izuku couldn't move anymore, but maybe also because he saw that Tomura was hurting and in pain and he saw Tenko crying and maybe he wished not to cause him anymore harm if he could help it

Izuku trying to catch up to the Noumus and TomurAFO, yelling at AFO to shut up, falling from the Noumus and holding his hand out as if to reach for Tomura but failing to do so. The panel looking as if Tomura was also holding his hand out to reach for Izuku, though it's probably not what was meant

"You looked like someone who needed saving" tying back to Bakugou's sludge incident, to Izuku running in to save someone who bullied him, to Izuku who is the same person who would lose a fight just to save his opponent's heart, to Izuku who has always been like this, and the text itself being shown over a panel of utter destruction in the city and the area, yet Izuku refuses to let Tomura just drown in pain

Tomura crying out for help deep down from the beginning of the story and then saying he doesn't care anymore, that the heroes can't understand anyway, and basically resolving to just destroy everything for real. Ironically, Izuku at the end of this arc realizing that Tomura needs help, listening to him and resolving to save him as TomurAFO flies away

Izuku putting his foot down in the void and telling the vestiges he wants to save that crying child. He wants to save him, even if the future is uncertain, even if it comes down to it and he has to kill Tomura (and he doesn't know what he'll do if that time comes), he still wants to TRY. Gran Torino gifting his cape because it will remind him that "killing is a way of saving too" and Izuku giving him that look like he doesn't want to say anything to refute the gesture of being given a gift from his mentor's mentor, especially on what could have been his death bed, but also like he doesn't like the idea of killing to save when it hasn't gotten to a point of no return yet

Izuku being no thoughts head empty about Tomura the entire Rogue Arc. Once again thinking about Kouta with Tomura because of the way that Kouta, who was so angry and the world and society, was able to come back from that and be saved. How Izuku previously unintentionally tied all 3 of them together, and how now he implies that if Kouta can be saved, so could Tomura

When Izuku fought Lady Nagant and admitted that, yeah, maybe he was ignorant before but now he knows that it's all a lot more complicated, that the world isn't as black and white as society made them think, it's actually more grey and "a blend of anxiety and anger", and that's why he has to reach out and help people even more, and how he was thinking about Tomura in the war arc crying out for someone to hear him

Tomura's head being so scrambled during the S&S battle because of AFO's possession to the point that he's not even sure who he is. But all the same, S&S tells them "someone with a will of heroism will take you down" and Tomura immediately thinks of Izuku. Despite how he told everyone he didn't care if they understood anymore, it's not the truth. He still wants to be saved, he still wants someone to care and help, and the first person he thinks of in relation to that is Izuku

Tomura's eyes lighting up in the final war arc UA battle when Izuku finally appears. Tenko trying to reach out and run away from AFO and being pulled back. Izuku asking first and foremost if Tomura is still in there, and then the confirmation that he is

Izuku punching a hole through Tomura's body, this being the thing that allows Tomura to shed his skin and regain control of his body. Tomura just kind of smiling at him and saying "What would you want to do if I told you I'm here? Sit down for a chat at the mall? Not happening, hero. After all, I AM your villain.", the recognition of the mention of the mall being confirmation that this is Tomura's personality and therefore he isn't gone

Izuku pushing him off floating UA so he doesn't decay it and everyone else on there, Tomura saying the only thing that will save him is destroying everything that has to do with that house, "That will be my only salvation, hero" (Izuku remembering this later on) and Izuku responding "I can't let you do that but I won't pretend I didn't see you crying"

The constant single pages every other chapter or so of these two fighting. Tomura watching Izuku's reaction to All Might's "death" instead of watching himself. That little moment of "You know Bakugou won't make it in time, right? It's all over" as they both watch Bakugou fly through the air, then the shock when he saves him

Making it to Mount Fuji. Tomura so desperate to make it clear that he's the villain, he's the one who is too far gone, to leave him alone because he doesn't need saving it's too late for that, and Izuku putting his foot down AGAIN and telling Tomura unabashedly "You are human."

Izuku using Black Whip inside his body to move because he can't anymore and Tomura saying "Looking at you, I'd never guess you were a hero", a parallel to when someone said that about Izuku in the Rogue arc

Tomura thinking about how any normal person would have prioritized their life over someone else's, how Izuku isn't normal, like he's entirely different from every other hero in Tomura's view who just wants to take him down and ignore his cries. This being the thing that attracted him to Izuku because Izuku is the kind of person who will take others even his opponent into consideration, and scratching at his neck after ages of not doing so. The battle is stressing him out and Izuku is hitting him where it hurts, this being evidenced again when Tomura proceeds to frown throughout the next scene because, again, Izuku is doing everything in his power to get an advantage just to help him

Tomura decaying Gran Torino's cape, as worn as it was, and this showing that the "killing to save" ideology simply doesn't apply anymore, not with how determined Izuku is to save him now more than ever

And now they are watching each other's memories... how they view the other from each other's pov's... delving into backstories and trauma...

Literally they have so much going on, so much symbolism and meaning in their interactions and how they see each other, and they've only interacted canonically 3 times throughout the story. That's not even to mention the stuff outside the story

Like volume 25's obi sketch and both of them being on the front cover AND back cover. The 306 double spread with AFO in Izuku's TV and All Might in Tomura's and Tomura looking at Izuku. The volume cover 15 25 35 pattern with Izuku on volume 15, Tomura on volume 25 and then both of them being on volume 35 (the implication that not only did Hori like the wsj version of that cover so much that he put it on this one, but also that there was no appearance of Izuku or Tomura in this vol35, suggesting that the only reason they are on the cover in the first place specifically is because it completes the pattern). Both of them appearing on volume covers at least 4 times that I can remembers (volume 3, volume 23, volume 10 and volume 35). And then there's the official art and sketches, like the jump festa sketches and that one sketch where Tomura and Izuku cosplay horror characters and show up to 1a filming studio ghibli my neighbor totoro, more like gatecrash with the way Bakugou yells to cut the scene

What the fuck. What the FUCK. I can't handle them *collapses*

[karizipan]

🦐🦐🦐

[slimeandsadness]

Handedness in DanAndPhilCrafts - Slime

A documentation and analysis of the hands that Dan and Phil use in the new Crafts video. Obviously some of this stuff is just due to filming and seating angles, but as with so much else about this video, I think some really interesting things can be intuited from it. Sorry if anyone has already done this!

This whole idea came from a post @lesbaurinkos pointing out that Dan - who's left handed - uses his right hand to sacrifice Phil, and comparing it to this exchange from Glitter Faces:

Phil: If you're left handed, ask a friend. Dan: Why am I left handed? Phil: Everybody makes mistakes.

This implies that there is something wrong with Dan's left handedness, and I've seen some suggest that this is what leads him to do rituals with his right. Others still say that perhaps this shows a transition of some sort, so that he is not the same person. While these are valid and interesting readings, I'd like to put forward a different theory.

Traditionally, the left hand has been seen as sinister (literally the Latin word for left, while the right was 'dexter'), so one would think that Dan's left handedness would actually be a boon for a Satanic ritual. It's a mark of otherness, of queerness, that was historically punished by a Christian society who saw it as deviant and wicked.

Indeed, it isn't just Dan who uses a hand different from his dominant one for ritualistic practice. Although we don't see Phil make the cut on Dan's hand, when he holds the knife, he holds it in his left hand.

Likewise, once it cuts to the next shot, the knife is at an angle that suggests it having been put down from his left.

Dan's wound is on his right hand, and he uses this hand for many of the ritualistic elements to come, including - while still in Crafts mode - anointing himself and Phil in slime and holding the knife while telling us that He wants it 'straight from the source'.

This might be because his left hand is out of action due to all that blue slime on it. How did that blue slime get there? First, a word on the slime itself.

The two slimes serve different purposes. Dan's slime is intended to be a vessel and Phil's will be 'fun to touch'. Thus, while the red slime is only for Him, I would argue that the blue slime is for Them. After all, creativity is nothing without friendship.

That homoerotic hand grab with Phil - which squishes together the friendship slime, the same colour as Phil's eyes, as Dan points out - represents 'friendship' as the other force alongside Him. In this hand grab, Dan's dominant hand becomes covered in slime, leaving only his non-dominant hand for ritual purposes.

Interestingly, Phil is using his left hand here (his ritual hand), perhaps a sign of their differing priorities. I won't go into too much detail here, but I've seen others make interesting posts about Phil doing things for Him, and Dan doing them for Phil. This isn't too important here, as it's Dan's deliberate choices after this about which hand to use that become particularly interesting.

Indeed, after this, Dan draws the sigils on the walls with his right hand, and he also walks into the room to complete the sacrifice holding the knife in his right hand. If his right hand is his ritual hand, this makes sense.

However, and I haven't seen anyone mention this yet, he leaves the room with it in his left hand.

I think this is fascinating, since - as with the cut in Dan's hand - we don't see what happens between these two shots. We hear Phil scream and assume Dan has stabbed him as planned, but we don't get to see which hand he actually wields the knife with. Going with my above thesis, perhaps this is because it is muddy and unknowable to what extent Dan is doing this for Him (the right hand) and to what extent he's doing it for Phil (the left).

We can also view this in contrast with the hand cut from earlier, where the discarded knife indicates that Phil completed the whole thing with his left (ritual) hand.

Dan also has a bloody handprint on his shirt, presumably from Phil in his final moments, and it's a right hand print. This is Phil's 'friendship' hand. Despite Phil's ultimate devotion to Him, during the moment of his greatest sacrifice, it is the deep intimacy of this act between the two of them that is most important.

In the final ritual scene, Dan begins by holding the knife in his right hand (his ritual hand).

However, he then holds it in both hands, just as he holds Phil's heart in both hands a moment later. Both ritual and friendship are working together here, and he continues for the rest of the scene to use both hands to anoint them in Phil's heart's blood.

In the final shot, they are stood in their usual formation (Dan on stage right, Phil on stage left) and they each hold an item of ritualistic significance in their non-dominant, ritual hand. Dan holds Phil's heart in his right hand; Phil holds the knife in his left. What they each hold in their dominant hands is each other.

As a few others have pointed out, the rope of Baphomet behind them also evokes imagery of handfasting. That suggests that this is not just a summoning of Baphomet, but also a marriage ceremony of sorts. They are bound not just to Baphomet, but to each other.

A lot of this is, of course, because of their standard way round of sitting, so that their dominant hands are always between them, but it is fascinating that they made the choice to continue with this motif even once they were roaming free.

This is my final thesis, then, that throughout the video they both use their non-dominant hands for acts of ritualistic significance, while their dominant hands become important for their relationship. This is especially true for Dan, whose devotion often seems split between Him and Phil. Dan's left handedness could additionally act as a metaphor for queerness, so it's especially notable the way that this hand is reserved only for Phil.

Basically:

[errorscriber]

what lies beneath the facade? an observation of kazui mukuhara's face

my attempt on trying to analyze kazui's feelings! (not sure if this has been pointed out yet im sorry if someone made a similar post. this post has very, VERY brief/minor discussion of sui btw)

im sure we all know by now that this is kazui's true feelings about his marriage; he hates it, and shows a self deprecating smile to the audience. i think, that the right side of his face where his bangs are longer is where kazui shows his true feelings to us. im gonna put some scenes where i think it's the most damning (while there are other pics I think applies, they may look like im reaching a little, so I won't share those). this is why in some scenes in half/Cat, you may notice that Kazui's expression can look unnatural where this observation is at play.

hell, even in the Cat album cover here, he covers the side of his face where his bangs are longer. this man is trying his best not to show anyone what he really feels. letting the door itself do the talking, so why should he? signifying that he at least, cannot wait what to show Milgram, to show us, what secrets are behind that door. (but also channeling an air of uncertainty doing so)

as well as in Undercover, i think it's very interesting that the creators make it a point to show both halves of kazui. when his mugshot gets taken, both of his sides are shown to us. one where he's smiling, and one where he's not. notice how his left side is where he's grinning and his right side is where he's serious?

we only catch his serious expression with one glimpse before he realizes he's being observed and quickly shows us a smile. (then during that scene where they show us which location correlates to which prisoner, the light is shining on the right side of his body. also, kazui is the only prisoner where they show both of his side profiles. the others show 3/4 of their faces)

before i continue, thank you so much for reading in advance!! >_< anyways keep marching on and keep reading this cool post of mine!

more pictures where they emphasise on his "right" being his true self in Cat, where his eyes are shown on the start and end.

half:

when I took a closer look at these images... was kazui more unhappy being around the long haired woman Vs him and his wife?

left is kazui with his wife, right is kazui with the long haired woman

this next one really gets me a lot. the most clear cut observation that tells us the other half of his face is where he expresses his true self.

he tears up for one split second, a ball of teardrop forming on his eye. what was something on that stage that made him so emotional?

then he quickly looks away to see something else catching his attention (which was the apple) after he stood up and looked forwards, kazui genuinely looks shocked/surprised.

knowing this observation can also give us a different perspective to some other scenes in half. like this one:

his wife touching his right side of his face. multiple questions pop up in my head when i see this scene.

was she ready to hear kazui out? was she catching onto him that he was hiding a secret/hiding his feelings? or was she trying to comfort that side of his face, as if she was saying "whatever it is you want to tell me, im sure i can handle it." to him?

hinako tries to understand him. tries to "grasp" his true face, his "true self". but kazui can only give a weak, depressing grin, as he gently puts her palm away, balling his fingers around hers. he doesn't know if she's actually ready for it. even though she's gentle with how she holds his "true side".

as we all know, before they zoomed in to this shot of kazui putting her hand down, their silhouettes were blurry. if you weren't close enough, you almost thought she was choking and suffocating him. not only kazui felt like the marriage made him feel like he was in a rut, he was afraid of hinako "suffocating"/disliking his true feelings (or side), even though she is holding it with care. hence why he was putting her hand down.

of course we know it didn't turn out the way he wanted it to turn out, from the next scene here.

kazui is clearly depressed towards the outcomes. at the end of half, his right side is not very happy at all, despite his left side making it look like he's grinning.

everything is all a mess now.

cat:

after finding out hinako wanted to "touch and caress", kazui genuinely seems interested in this thought and was sincere about what he was feeling here, so he pursues her in hopes those feelings are fulfilled. interestingly, the lyrics "so, it's wrong?" are on the screen when he shows the camera his right side.

when he proposes to her, he still remains looking at her in this direction, although we can't see how his expression looks like. unfortunately for hinako though, this is the last time kazui ever looks at her on this side.

during the confession scene, his right side is blocked by the cup, so we actually don't know what he was feeling completely when he asked the question.

after this scene, we can finally see his right side again, but it's well hidden by kazui blocking that side of his face with a hand and cigarette. giving us a sense of mystery of what transpired after he asked the question.

kazui is entertaining his wife with magic tricks while showing his left side to the camera. his "fake" side is what he wants to show to her and to all of us.

but his left eye squints as he realizes about his dream. his left eye squinting is telling us that his fake side is breaking apart. then, kazui drops down to his knees. take note of the rope falling down on his left lap. after getting back up (from what seems like kazui stumbling from drinking 4 cups of alcohol), he rubs the right side of his face. he is really frustrated with himself here.

with all of the information we have so far, we can interpret this as kazui desiring to remove his fake, other half of himself (this is the only object we don't see when kazui is showing off his magic tricks, and ropes can be associated with suicide). he is given a choice to remove his left side, his false side, which is why that rope fell down that direction.

as he's about to tell hinako the truth, he transitions from

> lighting a cigarette, his eyes hidden from us

> kazui facepalming himself. as a smoke in a shape of a noose is formed. remember the rope i talked about earlier?

even though the rope initially landed on his left lap, the noose is angled to his right side. he's grasping his right side of the face as well. this, here, is kazui being ashamed of his "true self". if he could, he would want to remove his true self if it meant having to keep lying to people, or if it meant making people happy. kazui is going through with telling hinako the truth, while this scene tells us he is hesitating to do so and is 100% expecting for it to hurt him and her.

> he lets down his hand.

showing hinako and us, the audience, a very unique expression where he's snide, mischievous... almost mocking, yet at the same time, really depressed and frustrated with it all. from hinako's pose in half touching kazui's "true side", this is his answer; she is not going to like it one bit.

a stark difference in feelings. kazui looks like he's going to say or do something harmful, but his other side tells us otherwise. he didn't want things to be like this. also, it contrasts with the final scene in half very well.

when he bites on the dove, he doesn't look that satisfied doing so.

in this climax, it seems like kazui himself doesn't know what's what anymore, letting the adrenaline of telling his feelings take over him. letting both his "true" feelings and his "lying" self beat him up, because at this point of no return, what difference will his fake and real self make anyway?

i really love how we can't tell if his bloodied lips are frowning because he's shocked, distressed, or if he's grinning ear to ear, happy and glad to have finally told the truth. even in this scene you can tell that the right side of his lips is less happy than his left where his mouth is more elevated and smiling.

what does he feel now after all of this chaos? well, let's look back at his right side of his face again...

the MV ends with this shot of his right eye, slowly zooming in.

empty, emotionless, forlorn, and distant...

it's almost like he's staring and watching something at the sky after something fell down.

[2amtechnicolor]

We Need To Talk About Mahiru

Mahiru's second Trial is out and oh my god she just jumped up on my faves list. I love analyzing the MVs from different perspectives so I thought I'd give my 2 cents on Mahiru's character.

My vote: INNOCENT

The first thing I really feel the need to bring up is that people tend to ignore that Mahiru is actually very intelligent. There's multiple kinds of intelligence, and while she might not be "traditionally" smart in the linguistic sense, she's incredibly emotionally intelligent. She's a master of empathy and mood making and is an incredibly charming talker to the point you don't realize she's completely controlling the conversation. That being said, I genuinely don't think she uses her intelligence for malicious gains.

One of the theories going around with her first MV was that she was overbearing to the point of being abusive, while being oblivious to her own toxicity. Now after rereading and rewatching, I'm inclined to disagree. Her love may be seen as overbearing to some but we have not seen any explicit bad behavior towards her boyfriend. (Contrast with someone like Muu, who was revealed to have bullied as much as she was bullied herself). In my unpopular opinion, I genuinely think Mahiru was in a "healthy" relationship, at least on the surface.

[TW for discussions of death, murder, and fictional depictions of suicide]

[Side Note: One of the sticking points people have while saying "Mahiru was toxic" is that "Mahiru's relationship only lasted 16 days" which is blatantly not true when you check the translations for MV1. Day 1 takes place during college finals (mid-March-ish in JPN), Day 7 explicitly takes place in the summer, and Day 15 is New Year's Day (January). Mahiru's affection towards her boyfriend lasted almost a year, and they dated for around 6 months-ish during that. The "16 Day Memorial" isn't about a period of 16 days, it's about 16 days over the course of their relationship where she was explicitly making moves towards her boyfriend.]

I need you to take a real hard look at how Mahiru talks about "love" and "being in love." More specifically, when she talks about the concept of "love," she often brings up the action of "loving/showing love" in her explanation. Never once have I heard her say "My boyfriend loved me." or "This is what my boyfriend did for me." The focus is all on her actions towards the boyfriend. And I genuinely think she was a sweet girlfriend! She loved trying his hobbies and cooking his favorite foods and going to his favorite spots. She was sweet, and kind, and playful, and maybe just a bit clingy. But she was never jealous or possessive.

Es: I see. So, you became a murderer as a result of some relationship conflicts? Jealousy… Grudges… Having your partner stolen from you… Those stories aren’t all that uncommon now are they?

Mahiru: You’re wrong. It wasn’t that. I…never even wanted to kill anyone in the first place!

She explicitly states that her crime was not based off of negative feelings towards her boyfriend, but she still takes responsibility for what happened. Compare that to Fuuta, who, despite his own feelings of guilt, continually verbally denied that he had anything to do with his victim's death. Mahiru not only takes explicit responsibility, but also pins her "love" as his cause of death, to the point where if she was voted guilty, she would never try to love anyone again. Without "loving" anyone, she has no reason to live.

"To not forgive me means to take the act of loving away from me. That’s the same as not being alive. It’s the same as not being able to drink water or breathe."

It's interesting the way she compares basic needs to "the act of loving". Not the concept of "love" itself, but the act of showing someone love. If she is not allowed to show someone love, to her it's like suffocating, like dying of thirst, or maybe...dying of starvation?

Mahiru in her second MV may be dirty and barefoot with torn clothes, but the one thing she is not is starving. You could argue that "perhaps it doesn't show," but when compared to her boyfriend...

She's incredibly healthy.

And of course she's healthy! Her lovely boyfriend's been feeding her those bites of cake! So is the cake "love" then? But if the cake is love, why is her boyfriend, the one whose being "smothered," the one starving?

Feeding the cake doesn't represent "love." Feeding the cake also doesn't represent "the act of loving." Feeding the cake represents the boyfriend letting Mahiru "love" him. Does that make sense?

The boyfriend lets himself be vulnerable, he feeds pieces of himself to Mahiru for her to "love." But yet, he himself is starving.

...Have you even noticed Mahiru hates talking about herself?

It's evident from her first interrogation. Es can barely get two words in before Mahiru interrupts them to ask them questions about themselves or to offer her own advice to problems she thinks Es may be having.

Es: Oh… yeah. Uh… I apologise for that.

Mahiru: Did you zone out just then? This job must be pretty difficult, so you might be mentally burned out from work. Herbal tea’s good for that, you know? Oh! Like ginkgo tea—they say it helps improve brain function.

Es: Oh, is that so? I’ll try a bit then… I mean, no! Enough about me.

Compared to one of the few times Es gets a question in:

Es: I don’t completely understand what you’re saying, but… Being in love and loving someone—are they really that important?

Mahiru: They are.

Es: Hm.

Mahiru: They are… More so than anything else.

When reflected back to her, her answered become short and vague. Her voice grows soft and shy. She avoids questions, especially questions about difficult topics, not because she doesn't understand the gravity of them (like Haruka) but because she does. Like I said at the top, she's incredibly emotionally intelligent. She was beaten nearly to death because Kotoko decided to be Es's "fang", and yet she still empathizes with them. She still makes a strong attempt to see their point of view, and even to encourage Es to keep working hard. Compared to the other attacked prisoner we've seen, Fuuta, who blames and grovels for forgiveness, these responses are like night and day.

But what do we know about Mahiru, really?

She's 22

She's a university student

She likes romantic novels, comic, and dramas

She loves love. [But she's not obsessed with being loved. Haruka is obsessed with being loved, Haruka wants to be loved and taken care of, Haruka killed out of jealousy and for attention because he didn't feel loved enough. We never get that from Mahiru.]

Everything else we know about Mahiru? Is for other people.

Her favorite hobbies? Whatever her partner is doing.

Her fashion sense? Whatever will catch her partner's eye.

Her favorite food? Well, as long her partner cooks it, anything's her favorite!

The only time we ever get a sense of her and her boyfriend possibly disagreeing on something is Day 14 in MV1. Mahiru wants to see a French film and begs her boyfriend to take her. This is odd, because just a few scenes ago, she was bragging about how their tastes in films perfectly line up. If their tastes are the same, why would she have to beg him to take her to see this one?

Mahiru, like Yuno, is hiding behind a facade. But unlike Yuno, Mahiru doesn't have a strong core underneath her mirroring. Yuno can drop her "nice girl" act and she still has strong opinions and feelings and acts accordingly. Mahiru, when you try to go behind her mask, clams up, redirects, searches for a way out.

So. Back to cake.

The boyfriend feeds pieces of himself to Mahiru. He makes himself vulnerable, he lets her in, lets her care for him, lets her "love" him.

But Mahiru? She never feeds him until the very end, and even then, her "cake" isn't anything edible.

She's not stupid. She knows she can't give him what he really wants: any sort of vulnerability.

Their relationship is one-sided, but not because Mahiru is toxic or the boyfriend is apathetic. Their relationship is one sided because that's how Mahiru wants it to be. She wants to be the perfect girlfriend, because, if we're being honest, Mahiru doesn't like herself very much.

Why else would she hate talking about herself? She clearly loves to chat.

She puts her all into everything...as long as it's for someone besides her.

She will outright ignore her own pain and suffering, her own emotions, because she doesn't want to make anyone else upset.

Mahiru: Sorry… for making you worry. I’m fine! It doesn’t hurt at all.

Es: It’s a horrible injury. There’s no way it doesn’t hurt.

Mahiru: It doesn’t!

So why did her boyfriend die?

Mahiru's very good at hiding her emotions. If she slipped up and her boyfriend realized and noticed how she refused to love herself, it could cause friction in their otherwise perfect relationship.

Maybe Mahiru was the one who wanted to die in the woods, and her boyfriend, starved for any sort of real connection to her, found her at the last moment? Maybe her mental health dragged his down with her.

Mahiru's incredibly complex and tragic and endlessly relatable. She only loves too much because she can't love herself. If she's truly unforgivable, and she keeps her promise to stay alone...what's stopping her from killing the only thing she hates most?

[fromtheseventhhell]

Another round of asoiaf "prettycourse", another round of people ignoring Arya's self-esteem issues and how it relates to her arc because their enjoyment of the series hinges on an 11-year-old being considered ugly.

[waterme-stories]

Wild to me that there are ship wars for Interview With The Vampire when, as a teen, The Vampire Chronicles were some of my first exposure to non-monogany.

Obviously it wasn't perfect. I mean, Lestat/Louis/Claudia is a textbook example of "relationship broken, add more people (oh no now it's even more broken)," and "not every Vee should become a Triad." If you've ever experienced the drama of an incestuous non-mono community where everyone's dated everyone... those books all get a little too real. There's backstabbing, jealousy, domestic abuse, and more murder than I personally prefer in my own polyamory 😅

But there's also "we belong to each other, why would anything we do with other people affect that?" There's "let's find out what it looks like to be with someone for the rest of my life (or theirs)." The idea that relationships have value even if they don't last forever. That romantic relationships aren't inherently more important than platonic ones. The idea that you can hold multiple people in your heart at the same time, that there's room for everyone. That the relationship escalator (dating > marriage > kids > death) isn't the only (or best) way to have significant, committed relationships.

They introduced the concept of comet relationships to my baby brain more than a decade before I would learn the actual term--those people you don't see for months or years but as soon as you see them it's like no time has passed (a personal favorite for my ADHD ass).

Like, when I say those books changed my brain chemistry, I mean that my silly little self-insert Mary Sue OCs went from "marry my fictional crush and be with them forever" to "what if they only saw each other once or twice a year but it was still incredible" and "what if she was married but also had a vampire lover and everyone was chill about it (and also she was a rock star)" and "what if they all lived in one big house together" and/or "what if lived by herself and found that fulfilling" and "what if men and women and ???" That shit was formative. Some of those little daydream OCs live in my brain to this day.

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Idk man. I don't have much patience for ship wars anyway (and I'm scratching my head about people getting upset about canon relationships being, you know, canon). But with TVA especially, my brain simply cannot comprehend it in a monogamous framework.