#love a traumatized man in denial

[thelilnan]

careful what you wish for

[riickgrimes]

[spectrum-color]

Being a RotE fan is so fun because the way we talk about Fitz legit must seem to outsiders like we hate him, but we actually collectively adore him and he’s our special boy

[daydreamerdrew]

The Avengers (1963) #7

[manganerdwrites]

𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐨𝐫 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝..?

with xiao & wanderer...

somebody give this man a hug istg

hes traumatised. like??? having your friends killed is enough -- BUT THERES MORE?! like someone give him a break pls MY GOD

Anyway, itll take him a long time to open up, especially if your human (vision having or not) because of his karmic dept.

Once youve gained his trust through almond tofu, the barriers will slowly break down. It’ll probably start with him randomly appearing to gift you something once in awhile, or watching you from afar when your traveling.

then he’d develop feelings, acting with you how he does the traveler, more open, friendly. he’d appear out of nowhere just to talk to you.

but after endless days of his pining, he’ll kiss the back of your hand goodbye, a faint blush on his cheeks as he faces away from you, vanishing into the night -- left with the cool breeze against your fuming cheeks and butterflies in your stomach.

so yes, he is your baby girl, but with too much baggage for just him to carry.

oh? another dark haired anime boy with trauma? add that one to the list-- so yeah, hes traumatized, i mean no shit sherlock?? i lowkey felt bad for him during the sumeru archon quest :((

he’d obviously be distant at first, actively pushing you away (unlike xiao) in an attempt to avoid being abandoned again. But the stubborn side of you dosent give up.

you begin to follow him around like a lost puppy, no matter how much he complains. Wanderers delusions of ’i dont enjoy their company!’ quickly fade away when after months of traveling with you, you get a fever.

Despite his icy nature and sharp tongue, he finds that he genuinely cares for you, replacing the wet towel on your forehead, holding your hand when you seem to be in pain -- flushing when you wake up momentarily to feel his touch.

Hell gaze into your eyes while you stare into teyvats star-littered sky, admiring your beauty -- love?! No! No way! He could never fall for you and your stupid hair!

At this point hes beyond in denial -- delusional.

even nahida has caught on, the god who wishes to feel like a human does.

but once you prove you wont leave him, wont abandon him like he has been oh so many times before, his walls come crashing down -- atleast for you. His recognition of his feelings begins his downward spiral of finding the right time to confess.

a/n: requests are open!! and can someone give scara a hug :(((

[echosbento]

AU where Jason lived, but only barely. People know that Jason is alive, tragically injured in a villain attack, but alive. Thing is, they don't know that the second Robin is alive. Bruce tells anyone that asks, the kid is alive, but he never says he's fine because Jason isn't fine, he's traumatized and disabled and angry that he had his choice to be a vigilante taken from him, but he's clear that the kid is alive. People don't believe Bruce though, they think he's in denial, because it's clear to anyone who had ever seen the two together that Batman saw Robin as his son. It becomes common knowledge that the second Robin died, there are even conspiracy theories that he died saving Jason's life, and Batman was too distraught by this to ever really accept his death. So when Tim meets Bats, he too thinks the second Robin is dead, it's the only explanation he can think of anyways, because no new vigilante ever showed up like after the first Robin disappeared. And then Bruce takes him to the manor, and Jason is just sat on the couch, mending Dick's costume because his useless himbo older brother can't keep a costume intact for twenty minutes, and he sees Tim and he gasps all fake dramatic "You're finally letting me meet my replacement?!" And Tim goes through all the stages of grief at once as he realizes he never once even considered Jason being the second Robin, not even after he found out Batman was Bruce Wayne.

The potential, Jason loving Dick but hating him at the same time because Jason was forced into retirment and Dick gets to pick and choose when he wants to be a vigilante. Bruce realizing how few rights permanently disabled people have and deciding to fight to fix it and Jason yelling at him for not caring until it was his family being effected. Jason realizing if he ever loses Bruce's support he's totally screwed because he can't do any of what he used to to keep himself alive anymore, and breaking down because how could he possibly help the people like him when he couldn't even help himself anymore? Jason being obsessively over protective of Tim and every sidekick who comes after him because he's terrified one of them will end up like him and they're just kids they don't deserve that. Jason overworking himself because he's convinced if he just Tries Harder he can get past his disabilities, but slowly learning his new limits and accepting them. Just, permanently disabled Jason man.

[anonymous-rendezvous]

Relationship & NSFW Dynamics —

✨ Noctyx Edition ✨

First (1st), we want to re-emphasize that we are writing for the characters. Second (2nd), this is merely our opinion and how we write them.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

🔗 Sonny 🔗

Pet Names: Babe [More often than not, just calls you by name]

╰┈➤ Relationship Dynamic:

The Noctyx's boy with the least amount of past trauma. He's just "VSF!! 💥 💥 💥"

This mans way too busy kicking down doors to be worrying about relationships. Like, Sonny, finding his way into a relationship is completely accidental. In the beginning, he just thinks you are really interesting, and the more time you spend together he starts to find you really attractive and then uh-oh someone’s caught feelings.

He was in so much denial at the beginning of your relationship. Once he's over that, however, be prepared to be sucker punched by random bouts of sweetness. And the fucking duality of this man. You will have whiplash from how sudden he can go from being rough and serious to sweet and silly.

Also, be prepared to be worried 90% of the time because of his job as a police officer with his damn obsession of rushing in and busting doors down.

[[NSFW under the cut!!]]

╰┈➤ NSFW Dynamic: Switch (Dom leaning)

So it's pretty obvious why Dom-leaning but… Switch. Listen, he gives as much as he takes. Like, he's incredibly kind and caring, but also he's a masochist. And a bit of a sadist??? Again: switch. Could see rough play being one of his interests. He likes the idea of you – consensually – taking control of him.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

🔮 Uki 🔮

Pet Names: Starlight, Stardust, Babe/Baby, and the occasional Honey

╰┈➤ Relationship Dynamic:

Okay, now not to be a broken record but, once again: we're talking about the characters.

The man's lore is sad™. He's been through some pretty traumatizing stuff, and as a result, we feel like he's not really all that horny most of the time. Also, it's kinda hard to think about romance when you grew up living in survival mode.

He needs someone who will be understanding and patient with him. He’ll also need space at times, but he’s good at communicating that, so if he doesn’t bring it up — get ready to cuddle the fuck up. Most of all, just love him. Pamper him, comfort him, love him. He deserves the world.

And if you don't treat him right? Be prepared to have the Uki protection squad after your ass.

╰┈➤ NSFW Dynamic: Switch (Sub leaning)

Now once he's comfortable with you? That changes things. He'd likely be more open to trying new things, and boy, would his mouth start to run. Overall, just take care of him. Pamper him some more. He deserves it, okay? 🥺He is still a switch, though. And if he finds you cute? Prepare yourself.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

🎭 Alban 🎭

Pet Names: Sunshine, Babe/Baby, Honey, Sweetheart, & Little Cat

╰┈➤ Relationship Dynamic:

Another sad boi 😞 Similar to Uki: it's kinda hard to think about romance when you grew up living in survival mode.

Sadly, this man has trust issues. He has a hard time opening up because he doesn't want to hurt anyone or get hurt. He already lost one dear friend, he doesn’t want to risk losing more people. 

It'll take some time to work through those feelings, but once he does, y'all are fuckin golden. Alban's very doting and extremely caring. He's like a prince without the royalty aspect. He'll be opening doors for you, carrying your stuff- carrying you.

Also, side note? Please tell him to stop stealing expensive gifts for you. Sonny can only let it slide for so long.

╰┈➤ NSFW Dynamic: Switch | Soft Dom

Pure switch right here, baby 🤌

The most bullyable bottom and the softest of Dom's. Could see him having an interest in primal play. Basically playing games of cat and mouse with you. Who's the hunter would likely depend on what kind of mood he's in honestly. He'd never admit it, but he kinda likes it when you take control from him (in a consensual way of course.). Honestly, too? This guy just goes through random bouts of horniness just by looking at you.

Similarly, to some of the other boys, if you ask him to try something new, he'd be pretty open to it.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

🐑 Fulgur 🐑

Pet Names: Babe, Little One/Little Lamb (Legatus), Dear, & Sweetie (Archivist)

╰┈➤ Relationship Dynamic:

First things first, we need to make it clear that we typically write a combination of Legatus and Archivist [typically a little more Archivist leaning].

However, it doesn't matter if we're following Legatus lore or Archivist lore; this man has too much shit happening around him, and to him, to be worrying about relationships. But hey, that's alright! He's been sent to the past, so fuck all that! Now he can get rid of all that pent-up anger! :D

In the beginning, you'll get more of the Legatus personality. He'll come off as cold and aloof. It'll take a bit, but as long as you don't give up, you will crack through that hardened exterior. Once you're in the relationship, Archivists' personality shines. Incredibly caring and comforting. He's an old soul.

╰┈➤ NSFW Dynamic: Switch (Dom leaning)

Now, the juicy stuff.

This man will. Fuck. You. Up. He can either be extremely soft or really rough and there's no in-between. Dirty talk and degradation galore during rough play, but only the sweetest praise when he's soft. Sensory play is probably a really big thing for him (both giving and reviving).

Side note; when he's on the reviving end, make sure he keeps his hands on that bed frame. The last thing y'all need is him accidentally breaking any of your bones.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

🎧 Yugo 🎧

Pet Names: Angle, Muse, Babe, Sweetheart, (My) Doll [But only adds the "my" when he doesn't like they way someones looking at you]

╰┈➤ Relationship Dynamic:

4 outta 5, another sad boi less gooo 😂

The only member of this group who at least has some type of experience. Kinda hard to date tho when you're leading a resistance. Honestly, though, this boy is the most straightforward of the five.

First off, this smooth mother fucker. He's very confident in his ability to woo. Be prepared to be rizzed to hell and back. Yugo’s very physical in his affection; he’s a pretty big fan of PDA. More often than not, you’ll find his arm wrapped around your shoulders or waist. Yugo prefers to give personalized gifts.

He's a people person. Man was both a DJ and leader of a revolution, after all. You cannot hide your emotions from him. He can and will read you like a damn book.

╰┈➤ NSFW Dynamic: Dom

He knows you're horny before you know you're horny.

Pure 👏 Dom 👏 Energy 👏. Try to argue with the clapping hand. You can't. Good luck trying to Top this man. It'll be a real struggle. The only time you're on top is when he's literally too exhausted to move.

Also, hope you don't mind getting it on in public places. Has one VIP booth in his club constantly reserved for the two of you. And don't worry, he'll make sure you're never caught.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

Btw if you guys are interested in seeing a post just dedicated to scenarios with some of the kinks we think the bois have, then this post needs to hit at least 300 notes. Hope you enjoyed~

-Mod I ✨ & Mod S 👿

P.S. Want a say in what we write more of? Please answer this form!

[erika-xero]

REPOSTOBER, day 22: the Champion of Cyrodiil (2015-2017)

TW! this post has some TES-headcanons which might not be everyone's cup of tea, but please, don't judge a woman by her headcanons lmao

Here he is, my weird lil man. His mom worshipped Mephala and almost sacrifised her own newborn child to the Ebony Blade, but his father managed to steal the baby and hide him in Skyrim. Cero was raised in the orphanage (YES, THAT Orphanage) being bullied by the nord children for being, well, an elf. Many years later, Cero became a gladiator in the Imperial City Arena, and this is pretty much where his story begins.

He starts off as a man, who kill people for money at the start of the game, and being an assassin for the Dark Brotherhood doesn't seem any difference, so he joins in.

Lucien, being the one who brought him into the family, fascinates him. Cero soon develops feelings towards the Speaker, which he describes like some sort of a spiritual bond. He can't fully express what exactly he feels (because he is being in denial), so he keeps his feelings to himself, before it is too late.

This was a breaking point for Cero, who was already traumatized by the Purification, so he cut his ties with Dark Brotherhood and excapes, using the chaos of the Oblivion Crisis. After the series of unfortunate events he becomes the one, who carried the Amulet of Kings and the one, who saved Martin in Kvatch. They soon become friends and Martin is the one who actually tries to make Cero a better person. And then Martin dies too.

Being ceverely depressed and traumatized by losing all the people he loved and who were actually nice to him in a quite short period of time, Cero starts drowning himself in alcohol. And at that very moment, the Dark Brotherhood finally show up and capture the man and take him to Bravil for a trial. He manages to excape. And this is when the Shivering Isles storyline begins.

I wrote a bunch of fics (in russian) about Cero in the Shivering Isles, and in my AU he is literally possessed by Sheogorath who takes over his body and desperately try to fight back, and the main antagonist of the story is Haskill, who does everything so that Cero would lose himself and all his memories forever.

Eventually, he manages to take control of his own body for a few times, and one of them happened during the Skyrim timeline:

His body changed over time, he starts looking less than himself and more like Sheogorath: his hair and eyes gone white, his skin became pale and rosy, but he never actually ended up looking the way Haskill wanted him to look. Somewhere after the Skyrim timeline his former self gets in control of his body again and gets in a fight with Haskill. Cero uses the sword of Jyggalag to snap the Staff of Sheogorath in two parts and finally breaks free. He's memory is wague, his feelings are all messed up and he barely understand what is happening, the only thing that keeps him going is his lust for freedom. And this is the point when the events of my Champion/Nerevarine AU begin. Small bonus for everyone, who read it this far: Cero as Jyggalag.

And Cero with his lover - my Nerevarine Raelin, who was the first person he encountered when he finally broke free from the Shivering Isles, and the person who helped him regain all of his memories (she's also probably the only person in the universe who can handle this firce lil man).

And yes, Cero is actually his father's surname. The champion has a name, but the only person who knew his name was Martin.

[masteri-0]

Man, I wonder how it'll feel like for an aro/ace person to suddenly be thrown into an otome game, or one of those romance fantasy isekais. Like damn, that'll be all levels of awkward and horrifying, but I want to see one where they just nail all the platonic routes. Why can't people simply exist as good friends regardless of gender? ╮(￣～￣)╭

This thought was inspired by seeing so many fics of Otome AU feat. Cale from TCF. Now don't get me wrong, I love them, but I can't see him having a special relationship with someone, not when there's such major found family platonic vibes.

Also, that guy's denial and inability to comprehend people liking him that way is possibly bigger than his workaholic tendencies, not to mention he doesn't seem like the type to ever give romance a second thought. Guy's already a single mom to... How many kids?

I must say tho, other than the romance aspect, Cake really seems to fit the Otome protagonist to a T (plus minus the tragic backstory and traumatic *waves* everything), just going around fixing all the problems, attracting 'flies' everywhere and causing misunderstandings. Atp I don't even know what I'm saying anym. Anyways I think I also just described like half the Korean novels out there, or maybe I just have a specific type.

Tldr; Cale is aro/ace (tbh the novel barely even touches on romance, which I am quite happy about), he deserves all the love in the multiverse, and we stan his one-sided pining of slacker life-chan

[pizzapizzeria]

This one’s for all you angst enjoyers.

ANGST HEADCANONS.

Peppino: He feels like he burdens others with his problems and wonders why people care about someone as useless as him. He also has Bipolar disorder and Depression along with his PTSD from both the war and the Tower, which makes him feel even more worthless.

Gustavo: He’s a nice guy who always tries to help others, but that often leads to him forgetting to help himself, but he doesn’t want to be vulnerable because he’s supposed to stay strong for everyone else.

Mr. Stick: He genuinely doesn’t know how he’s so wealthy, the stuff he tries to sell for his salesman job never really sells, and his inventions barely get any recognition, but he somehow still keeps getting lots of money. He loves having it but he wants recognition more than anything else.

Pepperman: He often flatters and talks to himself even when he’s around other people, it’s more than him being vain and self-centered, it’s also a bad habit he’s got from being lonely for years because he keeps shutting himself in his art studio, so it’s technically his fault, but he won’t admit it because he’s in denial.

Vigilante: If the ghost of his grandpa wasn’t around and the Tower didn’t happen, he probably would have been alone for the rest of his life. He’s honestly glad that the Tower happened because he isn’t lonely anymore.

The Noise: Whenever he’s out of character, he’s actually a very depressed man, he always makes fun of Peppino for being miserable because he doesn’t want to admit that he’s depressed too.

Noisette: She knows that her cooking is terrible, but she keeps trying because she wants to make people happy, and she knows that Noise hates her food, but despite it hurting her feelings, she doesn’t say anything.

Fake Peppino: Like in my story, he was verbally abused and treated terribly by PizzaHead which made him feel guilty for existing, he’s also terrified of going outside because he doesn’t want to be seen as a monster, when he really doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

Pizzahead: After his restaurant “Pizzaboy Pizz-Pizza” went bankrupt, he would spend hours getting drunk and watching old footage of his restaurant wondering why everything went wrong.

Pillar John: He was traumatized after the Tower, the feeling of not being able to move his body was terrible and made him feel trapped, he still has nightmares about it months later.

Gerome: He literally can’t show any emotion, he’s physically unable to and it makes a lot of people see him as emotionless, but he does feel emotions on the inside but he can’t show them.

[nomsfaultau]

I adore how toxic Mandatory Family Reunion emerald duo is. They're both completely incapable of objectively viewing the situation through their respective delusions (catastrophizing vs severe denial). Techno manipulates Philza for months. Philza traumatizes Techno to the point he's a shell of the man he once was. They both have entirely warped concepts of love. Each's entire life revolves around the other. They're so wonderfully dysfunctional that by the time Techno tells Philza he loves him it's one of the most devastating scenes in the fic.

[wherethewhumpthingsare]

Kairos (카이로스) Whumplist

Image Source

Whumpee: Kim Seo Jin (김서진) Portrayed by: Shin Sung Rok (신성록)

Synopsis: A woman, looking for her mother, and a man who lost his family, work together each day to save their loved ones from their tragic fates. (Google)

Genre: Action, Thriller, Drama, Sci-Fi

Where to Watch: Viki.com

Note: This drama had whump in just about every episode, both emotional and physical.

TW: S*icide (especially episode 1)

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Episode 1: anxious, building suddenly crumbling around him, waking abruptly, anxious & taking meds (00:44); panicked, worried for his daughter (20:40); exhausted, chapped lips, been awake all night, desperate, upset, shouting, crying (24:35); looking exhausted, receives alarming call, upset, scared (41:20); speaking to his daughter’s kidnapper, scared (45:40); restless, getting upset, panting, sees something deeply disturbing, shocked, weeping (50:20); told shocking news, weeping, argument with wife, weeping (57:25); worried, listening to wife's s*icide voicemail (1:04:00); trying to search for wife in the river, grabbed & stopped, in denial, weeping, in shock, almost leaping from bridge (1:06:00))

Episode 2: repeat of last scene from previous ep, crying, almost leaping from bridge (0:00); agitated (5:20); looking exhausted, baggy eyes (10:08); looking at old photos of daughter, distressed (14:40); woken from sleep, exhausted, baggy eyes, chapped lips, shocked, furious, attacking someone he thinks killed his daughter, pulled away (18:35); crying, feeling useless, nightmare: building collapsing around him, waking covered in debris, waking up panting, medicating, distressed while listening to upsetting recording (22:00); frustrated (37:00); talking about almost getting killed (52:50); shocked, relieved, crying (1:00:40))

Episode 3: lunging at someone in anger, held back, shouting, having a breakdown, weeping, shaking (9:00); frustrated, distressed, panting (17:00); sad memory, crying (27:50); red-rimmed eyes, looking sick & exhausted, crying (31:50); past self told about his daughter's future death (35:00); sudden head pain, new memory surfacing (40:25); alone, crying (53:15); upset, hearing shocking news (56:30); worried for someone (59:07)

Episode 4: coming upon a murder scene, frustrated (3:35); speaking to his daughter's killer, crying, angry (22:30); interrogated (30:40); sudden headache during interrogation, groaning (36:35); still being interrogated, headache (44:05); frustrated, headache, worried (54:00); angry (57:00)

Episode 5: angry, headache, memory surfacing (13:15); headache, memory surfacing (23:40); startled, falling & panting, scared (1:05:40)

Episode 6: waking from nightmare, panting (10:10); suffering from insomnia, asking for stronger meds (17:45); shocked, panting, upset (22:50); stressed, medicating (59:20); sleeping, accused of murder, fleeing, jumping from balcony, injured knee, shouting in pain, limping, arrested, pushed down on his injured knee (1:01:20)

Episode 7: sudden headache, memory surfacing (31:55); shocked by betrayal, teary eyed, hit in the back of the head twice, bleeding, slowly passing out (1:04:20)

Episode 8: pretending to be unconscious, face covered in blood, crying, you can see his pulse jumping like crazy in this scene (0:25); past self drunk, stumbling, arguing, shouting (2:30); still lying in bed, bandage on his head (7:20); still unconscious (20:10); 25:38(almost drugged, disintegrating (25:38); worried, panicking, crying (52:20); traumatic memory triggered, panicking, teary eyed (1:02:50); future self dying in car crash, bleeding, slowly passing out (1:06:30)

Episode 9: future self in hospital unconscious, oxygen mask, cuts & bruises on his face, head bandaged (16:00); memory triggered, panicking, taking meds, in a cold sweat, worried over, future self still in hospital, crying in his sleep (29:25); talking to doc about suffering panic symptoms, told he's having delusions (34:40); talking about his past, teary eyed (44:30); future self in hospital unconscious (49:20); talking about his past (1:00:00); future self still unconscious in hospital, threatened (1:07:15)

Episode 10: flashes of memory, sudden head pain, grunting, panting, worried over, medicating, scared (37:50); future self still unconscious in hospital, hand moving to grab someone while still unconscious (56:33); future self finally waking up (1:07:20)

Episode 11: future self unconscious in hospital (8:50); waking, groaning, crying, interrogated & accused, panicking (17:40); struggling out of hospital bed, groaning in pain, almost falling down steps, limping, chased (25:30); having trouble remembering things, panicking (30:30); on bathroom floor crying, flashbacks to the car accident, drugged, angry, shouting (48:10); angry, deliberately hitting his family's killer with a car, pulled away, shouting, trying to kill the culprit (1:02:15); flashback to being in hospital, covered in cuts & bruises (1:06:00)

Episode 12: shocked, teary eyed (0:00); sudden headache, new memory (58:00); sudden pain, clutching head, new memory (59:40); crying (1:05:35)

Episode 13: future self in pain from new memories, speaking to his past self (10:00); slammed on the ground, choked, punched, gasping, arrested (32:00); past self interrogated (48:40); in a cell, disappearing, waking up panting, dropping to his knees weeping (59:40)

Episode 14: panicking, worried for someone (00:50); angry (7:00); argument (26:10)

Episode 15: past self remembering future memory of being betrayed & hit in the head with a bat, shocked (24:20); pain from past memory surfacing (56:00); manhandled, punched, mouth bleeding, thrown off roof, lying dead in a pool of blood (1:03:35)

Episode 16: manhandled, punched, dropping to his knees, clutching side in pain, fought, slashed with knife, helped (34:10)

[somethingblu3]

Mirror Mirror | Nikolai

Read on Ao3 here

18+ minors dni.

Fandom: Beyond The Rave (2008)

Summary:

You and Nikolai need to relieve your stress after a hunt.

TW: vampires,mirror sex,hate fuck,Vampire Sex,Rough Sex,standing sex,dirty talk,humiliation,biting,scratching,bruises,bram stoker lore ,blood drinking,Enemies to Lovers, vampires vs humans, vampire hunter,Possessive Sex,toxic,Unhealthy Relationships,dom/sub,No Safeword,forbidden relationship,hunting,Stress Relief,Orgasm Delay/Denial.

Pairing: Nikolai x female afab reader.

Word Count: 2,044

Graphic Credit: @keep-it-light

Note:

lightly edited. Still new to smut so let me know what you think! I hope you enjoy the buffy references! I'm trying to keep the vampire lore mostly in line with Bram Stroker. Here's the poem.

"I would appreciate it if you stopped killing my friends," Nikolai sneers as he watches you enter the basement, and you drop the wooden stake to the floor with a 'clank.'

You roll your eyes at him. "And it would be nice if your friends stopped eating mine," You warn him.

He scoffs as he steps forward, and his hand cups your right cheek. "Darling, what would be the fun in that? I know you love the chase I can feel it when your heart skips a beat. I just wish you would admit it," He whispers into your neck softly.

"Never." You groan from the tiredness and the physical exhaustion of the hunt for pleasure from his bite. You can't tell.

After a few sucks, he pulls away and wipes the crimson blood stating his chin with the back of his hand. "What's not enough for you, Nikolai?" You almost whine.

He smirks greedily "It's not that Darling, it's just that I have a little...surprise for you...a little..gift."

You raise a brow. Nikolai's gifts were never traditional gifts as you watch him scurry around the basement you half expect him to gift you a fresh head in a box you wouldn't put it past him.

You keep your eye focused carefully on him as he moves something tall and rectangular shaped in the shadows covered in a bed sheet. As Nikolai removes the cloth, uncovering the mirror. The light behind you bounces off the glass, creating a kaleidoscope. As he shrugs the rest of the fabric away in the reflection of the mirror, the cloth dances on its own accord.

"A mirror?" you frown.

Nikolai throws the bed sheet onto the ground and he scans the mirror even though he has no reflection he reaches forward and presses his finger against the faded text of the silver frame.

"I thought Silver was deadly for vampires" You say with a frown as your eyes escape your own reflection. It makes you uncomfortable your skin scrawls it's almost as if you don't want to face yourself and you know that Nikolai can hear your blood pumping.

"That's a myth" He tells you. He seems entranced by the mirror, his eyes mesmerized by it.

It almost broke your heart. he hadn't seen himself for who knows how long. It must be strange you knew one thing for sure that being turned would be the last thing you wanted not just because of the loss of your reflection but also because of the other factors not being able to see the sun hiding in the dark and the shadows all alone but then your heart skipped and you knew he felt it too. Nikolai wasn't alone. He had you even if you wanted nothing more than to stake his heart and rip his head off. There was a fondness you had for him even if it was small and often short-lived you couldn't lie to yourself that Man. That monster consumed you.

"This mirror's special to you, isn't it?" You ask

He nods and you watch as his adam's apple bobs.

"I guess you could say that. It's the last thing from my home before....before it happened"

The fire. You knew so little about his past but every now and then he would bring up the fire you had done your own research of course behind his back you couldn't trust him at first but from what you've found he had gone through something traumatic regarding a fire. Loosing not just a house but from the wording of the newspaper a wife and a baby. You couldn't help but sometimes wonder if he was looking to replace that in you.

You squint your eyes as you try and read the font that is wrapped around the frame of the mirror. Not only is it singed, it's also cursive and you quickly discover it is not in English.

"Romanian" He tells you firmly snapping you out of your haze - a side effect of his bite.

"What does it mean?" You ask

He hesitates for a moment, clenching his jaw "It's a poem"

"Will you read me it?" You request hopefully a smirk curls at the corner of your lips.

"I will it's your girl after all Darling but why don't we use it to it's full advantage hm?" He hums

You chew your bottom lip "What do you mean?"

Nioklai turns on his feet suddenly he's behind you. Swift vampire speed.

You roll your eyes as you feel his hands digging into your side shimming you out of your dirt stained trousers.

"Why don't you wear skirts anymore?" He teased dragging the fabric further and further to expose your underwear.

Dark blue with constellations. Cute.

You wished more than anything you could see his reflection in the mirror as he stood behind you. A shiver ran down your spine as he palmed your ass with his hand caressing it until it left marks you knew you would be purple and blue all over when morning came you would have to go back to wearing your long jumpers in the middle of summer so that your brother Ed wouldn't see.

"Your thinking about him, aren't you pet?" Nikolai teased as he hooked your finger in your underwear. You were already bared and aching for him.

You didn't say anything in return you knew that he was playing with you teasing and trying to get under your skin you focus on your own reflection in the mirror ignoring his taunts you weren't going to let him get off that easy.

"Your brother Ed. What would he think if he knew that his innocent sister was a Vampire's whore?" He taunted as he punctuated every word.

"He won't know. He will never know about this-" You say as you watch him from the corner of his eye and he lets out a dark chuckle.

"My dear. If he doesn't know by now I will make sure that he does by leaving these pretty little marks against your porcelain skin" His lips brush against your neck even tangled in your hair.

You moan into him, almost giving up on him entirely. Your body turned to mush as your underwear fell to the ground of the basement, your legs cold and shivering even colder against his ice skin.

"You promised me-" You whine as he pulls his lips back "A poem"

He groans "Your insatiable"

"I thought this was meant to be my gift Nikolai?" you frown with a pout as you try to find some way to play with him. To get him back for all the times he would easily turn your body into clay he could mold anyway he wanted.

"Now your going to be a good girl and I'll tell you the poem as long as you let me fuck you in front of this mirror" He orders

You nod. Purley out of habit. Fuck.

"Tell me, tell me that you want to do this-" He urges.

You know he doesn't actually want your consent he just makes you say it so he can taunt you about it later. That you wanted this - that you asked for this. Asked for his bruises burning against your skin branding you with his sharp claws.

"I--" you whimper as his finger nails dig deeper into your flesh he hasn't even entered you yet and you don't even need to see his reflection to know that he's enjoying this.

You heard him from behind as he undid his zipper with one hand. You could feel his jeans rubbing against you as they fell down you could feel him immediately and he wans' even pressing against you.

"Love-"

"I want this" You tell him and then he finally enters. He breathing into your ear.

"I think you deserve this gift from me my sweet"

You moan as you feel him ghost against you, the edge of his tip pressing against the softness of your skin.

"Your dripping for me already aren't you my love?" He teases as his hand reaches to press against your clit.

"Drenched-" He smirks.

You watch yourself in the mirror. Your head and eyes rolling back as he brushed teased and rubbed against you. You bite your bottom lip trying to conceal your sounds but you were in the basement and your brother was away with his girlfriend for the week so it wasn't as if it matters how loud you were. You just didn't want to hear yourself so exposed and so used by him. It was humiliating but at the same time...you enjoyed it, craved it even.

You try and move away to tease him but he already has you under his grasp under his will it was like you were possessed - hypnotized even as he grinds against you continuing to pick up the pace.

"No more teasing-tell me your damn poem" You groan. You could orgasm just from this alone not even touching his cock and boy does he know that.

"Alright fine" He grunts "But if you look away you know the consequences" He taunts as he takes a handful of your hair as a taunt. As a warning.

You moan in conformation.

"Good" You hear Nikolai behind you licking his lips as your eyes flutter back to your reflection.

"And suddenly I understood that without you I’m not completely sane myself, To run away and come straight back I’m tempted"

His thrusts increase with each word. You watch yourself your body jerking back you can feel his eyes on your tits as the bounce under your shirt. You don't normally wear a bra with your workout gear and with a hunt there was no need for one today.

Lucky Bastard.

There was something about hearing Nikolai grunt behind you his hand slapping into your ass as his thrusts changed rhyme from slow and steady to then fast hard and primal.

"To never know my place on Earth again. So fast did you become part of my blood, So much part of myself you are right now, A mere scratch would make me cry, For fear that I might lose you drop by drop"

"Nikolai-" You gasp.

You felt nothing but your mixed pleasure dripping between your legs. Already you were numb and soaked after this you knew you would need a long warm shower to escape his aroma.

"There is no springtime anywhere, With lifeless blossoms now you button up your coat. With springtime’s bitterness I look for honey, But you, my love, are there in its place."

You wish you could see him as he came undone grunting as he thrusted into you. You knew it was nearing the end as he brushed his fangs against your neck puncturing it still you watched yourself in the mirror. You could practically see his cock probing against your belly he was so far so deep and so tight. There was something about a vampire that was so different from anything else you had experienced before. Perhaps that was the reason why you found it almost impossible to escape his embrace.

Your neck is red now as he tears at it, ingesting your blood your body rocking back and forth his skin smacking against yours. You eyes fall to the floor as you watch your cum drip down to your legs.

"And suddenly I know that without you, I die myself and can’t come back to life, Although I had been born, as you well know,To be the one protecting you from-from"

He stutters, and it's a sight to behold. You watch as your undead lover comes undone, groaning as he thrusts into you once more, slamming you into him. You are already weak at the knees, and thanks to his powerful grasp, you are able to stay upright for the most part.

"Nikolai-" There's a sense of urgency in your voice as you urge him to come and to finish the poem.

"From yourself-" He grunts, and you roll your head back as you feel his body vibrate with pleasure, and he wraps you in a cold embrace. He breathes in and then out. It won't be long until he's back thrusting into you again.

[butterflydm]

some thoughts on Rand's romance journeys in s1 & 2

So I was rewatching 2x4 before doing some editing on the next chapter of "past is prologue" and it really made me think about how completely different Rand and Egwene's journeys about romance have been in the show so far.

Because one of the last things that Rand ever tells Selene, before he learns the truth about her, is that she's the only woman who has ever seen him as a man.

And it really made me think about how Egwene's first big act as a official grown-up woman (with a braid and all) was to break up with Rand. So of course he doesn't think of her as a woman who loved him as a man -- she was a girl who loved him as a boy and then ended things when she 'grew up'.

Basically everything that Rand experienced after that event reinforced that point to him too, I think. He's dealing with this incredibly traumatic realization (mostly by trying to ignore it) of finding out that he was a foundling on a battlefield and the people that he thought were his birth parents aren't. And he never shares that with Egwene because he considers that door of emotional closeness between them to be shut because of the 1x1 breakup.

The one time that Rand does initiate emotional closeness between them (in 1x7), he's experiencing his final act of denial about the truth of who he is. It is not genuine emotional closeness -- instead of telling Egwene about what Tam said, he shares that moment of vulnerability with Min instead when he goes to ask her if he's the Dragon. With Egwene, he instead plays into the fantasy that he could run off to the White Tower and be her Warder.

Which is basically the exact same thing that Egwene does in 1x1 before she breaks up with him -- she indulges in one last time of having sex with him before she breaks things off. The main difference being that Egwene does talk to Rand instead of, you know, running off into the night and letting him believe that she's dead (which is a pretty huge difference! Not meaning to downplay that!).

But, yeah, that line really struck me again when I was rewatching the episode.

[tendergraphite]

Stripping Back Richards Perspective—The Macaulay Twins

When observing the twins, context is vital. Remember ‘’The Secret History’’ Is a confessional biography written by a murderer who excludes incriminating details. Richard is a storyteller at heart, he will choose folly over fact always. This is all to say, we cannot trust his opinions of the twins—Neither his demonization nor sexualization.

Richard views the world under the lens that beauty, leads to love. That his birthplace, ugly and tainted, has doomed him to a lonely existence. Because he’s been deprived his whole life, he only knows what makes a member of society earn adoration (Status, money, intellect, etc.)

To put it bluntly: A man who’s never tasted water before, will walk right past it when parched—Opting to instead drink the blood of dear, as they’d seen the hunters do.

To Richard, touching greatness (The twins) is to be divine—To be worthy of affection. It's why he bolsters the twins impossibly high; he’s artificially made himself feel worthy of love. In doing so, he's removed all human flaw from these individuals.

Charles Isn't A Violent Dog

During the river scene, we gain insight into the twins true dynamic. Camilla, immobile on the warm grass, asks Charles to pull the trapped glass from her foot. But he is incapable, growing sick and faint at the prospect. In the end, Henry out of frustration pushes him to the side, and pulls the shard out himself.

This speaks for two things—That Charles cannot hurt Camilla physically, but also that he cannot help her when she is in pain.

''But how,'' said Charles, who was close to tears, ''how could you possibly justify cold-blooded murder?''

Henry lit a cigarette. “I prefer to think of it,” he had said, “as redistribution of matter.”

Charles isn’t possessive. Francis framing him that way is purely due to his own denial of his abuse. When Francis attempted to kiss Camilla, she was drunk… A direct mirror of how he’d been assaulted by him already.

And in the later half of the book, Charles ‘’true colours’’ aren’t suddenly getting highlighted, he’s just reached his breaking point.

His mental break wasn't because Camilla pulled away, but because of the overwhelming guilt the murder left him with. Charles had consistently attempted to prevent that murder.

During the ravine scene, he’s the one asking to go home. And when that does not work, he says he’s hungry, because he’s desperate for an excuse to leave that won’t provoke anyone.

At every opportunity, Charles concerns are swiped under the rug and left to collect dust. Who’s forced to be complicit in a murder? Who’s then used for his soft-hearted nature to consol said murdered persons distraught family members?

Like Bunny knew Henry had been planning on murdering him, Charles had known too: Now what did both react with? Fear hidden beneath aggression; Charles never brought that gun because he was mad with jealousy, he brought it because he'd finally buckled under the pressure.

The Truth: Their History & Relationship

What gets pushed aside, is that the twins are orphans. This is due to Richard, who assumed others had stepped in to fill the gaps that the loss of their parents would’ve created…

Well in reality, their parents died violently in a car accident. Their old-fashioned religious grandparents, who hadn’t expected to fill the role of parents again, had a societal expectation to raise the twins.

No matter how that is framed, it is traumatic for all parties involved.

The twins would’ve had no one in a world where you’re expected to get on and move on in the face of tragedy. This meant when Charles was sexually assaulted by a paster, he had no one to speak to or support him through it—Except Camilla.

Oh what? Ah yes, he was assaulted. How do I know this? Well Bunny, who Tartt establishes as being a reliable source to reveal others secrets. He’s the budgie squawking in warning as the group descends closer and closer into madness, and once he was silenced, they were already doomed.

Bunny is a lot smarter than we give him credit for. We’re misdirected in the beginning that he hadn’t know about the murder. It was an accident that he kept picking… But no, he knew the group likely had killed someone as soon as they’d walked in covered in blood.

That is all to say, when he stopped lying for the group [read more about that here. Seriously, he hates that group so much apart from Henry and Richard.] He specifically began discussing sexual scenarios to do with the church when it came to Charles.

It is in my belief Charles was assaulted, and his trauma response had been to become intimate with his own sister. Do I think it originally was consensual? What, no?! Fuck no. They were both children and didn’t know what was happening to either of them.

I doubt Charles realised what he was doing was wrong, and even as he grew older, he still hadn’t. Camilla however, had broken.

As for the "your fucking my sister" scene... Charles assumed it was to get back at him. Once again, it wasn't possessiveness.

Camilla Has A Perspective

Camilla is co-dependent on Charles, but that is because she's been left with no other choice. Hampton isn't where rich prestigious students go, but the failing destitute youth who have nowhere else to turn. It's why Julian is a teacher there, it's all under the table and hush hush.

Further proof the twins were abused/isolated is the simple fact their Julian's students. He only goes for the insecure who will take in whatever he spews. (Wouldn't surprise me if he regretted taking Bunny on as a student due to that, so took Richard on to give Bunny the eventual boot.)

That's all to say, Camilla is bound to Charles and their poverty. Which meant she couldn't move out. She was trapped with Charles, and up until Henry hadn't had someone she trusted to turn to.

She reflected Henry in that sense, who hadn't had friends and was trapped with his abuser too. Her relationship with him would've been the first she had with anyone without sex being expected.

Once Charles alcoholism reached its peak, and Camilla couldn’t fathom why, she’d rejected him. Remember the broken mirror and glass in the fireplace? That likely had happened because she’d said no.

Camilla had loved Charles, it's why despite trying to get away from him she still worried so much about him (And not Henry, who clearly had been devastated and had cried over Julian's absence—No instead she asked about Charles.) But a trauma bond can only go so far, and Charles had begun to use her as an outlet to an extent she couldn't bear.

So, she lied.

Henry as I’ve discussed, is an abuse victim. So she’d faked physical wounds on herself, and asked for his help. Now, why couldn’t she have just said she was being assaulted? Because no one cared. The whole class knew, and when Richard found out, Francis and himself lamented how they were jealous and wished they had a sister to abuse too. Even Bunny brushed of the act as simple deviancy on the twins part.

When she asked Richard why he didn't believe her, she was frustrated. Which came off as "I want attention, believe me. I want things my way" but really was "when will it ever be enough?"

Richard knew Camilla was lying, it was all in how she diverted the conversation and refused to be direct. All in that moment, as the sun shun on her just as it had in Julians classroom, his belief he could be loved through being caressed by her light, shattered.

Final Thoughts & My Fairwell

Camilla was trapped in an environment she couldn't escape from, and Charles was powerless to help her because he was the glass in her morning coffee. She did care about her brother, but too much had happened between the two of them for their relationship to be able to thrive again.

I know on the first read through it's devastating that they are strangers to one another now, but truly it was for the best.

Now, onto my final notes.

To be honest, the topic of incest was a poor choice for this book. It’s clear on reflection that it was there to create more depth, and to showcase how evil Richard is. But the audience doesn’t pick up on it, I’ve seen takes comparing it to things the Greeks/Greek gods have done and it’s grim.

At the same time, I understand you can’t control your audience. I’ve made many pieces of art only for them to be entirely misunderstood due to my own shortcomings. As an artist, you can’t guess what your readers will take away, and this book admittedly is old so has lost some of its historical contexts.

On the other hand, as a writer you can depict bad people whilst showing their perspectives are wrong. So, I’m not fully letting Donna Tartt of the hook for that one.

For those of you who’ve been reading my long (and old, wow so old-) posts, thank you. I see your likes, I see your reblogs, and I genuinely am grateful so many of you on Tumblr have taken the time to read my posts. Originally, I only wrote them because I was gathering my own thoughts—which I still do—and hadn’t expected any feedback whatsoever.

This community, although has offered many horrors, has given me so much confidence. I’m dyslexic, and never thought I’d be able to write as well as I do now. These posts have helped me with my disabilities so much, and I’m so glad I decided to be silly and write an insane theory about Richard actually being the one to push Bunny, and a bigger thought peace on proof that the Moutian Lion theory is indeed true.

I’m not ditching this account or anything, my posts just won’t be about TSH, but other media such as comics, tv shows, other books… You get the gist.

Sorry this post is rambly, I had to cut down a lot and got too exhausted past a certain point, hopefully my points aren't too hard to follow. Once again, thank you all for reading. Have a good one o7

[untitledgoosegay]

re: dimidue, my writing, & fic

it's important to me that dedue also gets to be weird and traumatized and difficult; it's important to me that dedue gets to be supported by dimitri as much as dimitri gets support from dedue

dedue's PTSD manifests very differently from dimitri's, whose trauma and mental illness are very obvious and externalized, but while it may be less obtrusive, "subtler" internalized mental illness is no less difficult to navigate

dedue gets passive-aggressive; he isolates himself and snaps [in the most plausibly-neutral manner possible] at attempts to draw him out; he's prone to insecurity, reticence, and self-abnegation, and to sink into dissociative apathy; he overextends himself trying to care for others as a coping mechanism that gets worse the worse he's doing; he denies that he's anything but fine even as it's increasingly obvious that he absolutely isn't, & to some extent even believes himself

unlike dimitri, who for all his issues is very self-aware about what he's experiencing and why (at least to the extent that he understands it), dedue is more inclined to denial and avoidance; he's opaque even to himself (dimitri's emotional intelligence complements him, in this respect)

dedue is in some ways even more prone to black and white moral thinking than dimitri -- when he's not actively in the midst of an episode, dimitri is constantly conflicted over the morality of his actions. he knows how he gets when his PTSD triggers, and it terrifies him, and he hates himself for it. he tears himself to pieces over it to the point of self-destruction and immobility. meanwhile dedue isn't nearly so passive or unquestioning in his judgment as some people (felix) accuse him of; he wouldn't accept or enable the murder of civilians, but i do think there's an extent to which he sees dimitri going Ape Shitt on the battlefield and goes "yep :) there he is, the man i love :)" the berserker rage worries him to the extent that it affects dimitri, but it doesn't really concern him in its own right. which on the one hand is often something dimitri needs -- someone to affirm, hey, this part of you comes from a good place, it doesn't frighten me, be kind to it instead of beating it/yourself with a stick -- but on the other hand ... mmmmm it is probably not normal for a person to be so blasé about barehanded dismemberment

dedue is a strong stabilizing & affirming influence on dimitri, but by the same token dimitri is a strong activating & encouraging influence on dedue; they are good for each other