#maybe ill find the motivation to do those things soon

[rubys-forest]

Summer break is nearing

Take some swimsuit queenie and mu

[allyeardepression]

@jegulus-microfic | feb 29 address | words 1881

hi, so this one is so fucking long, i don’t even know how it happened. anyways, hope you’ll enjoy it :3

first part | previous part

Reg

So

Will you be there tonight?

James looked at the message he received almost half an hour ago and for the hundredth time deleted his response.

‘Of course I’ll be there’ sounded too eager. ‘Yeah’ was out of question with it being too dry. ‘I’ll try to make it’ was just mean, like when you have a big event at school and your parents say that exact line, and you just feel like shit. So he sat there, on his couch, contemplating how to answer the man he apparently fancies. He thought the crush went away with them going separate ways after school, but oh well. With just one dinner, all the feelings came back, making him feel like a teenager again.

He deleted another answer when Regulus texted him again.

Reg

You know I can see you typing then changing your mind over and over again, right?

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was his chance to keep this from getting any weirder.

James

yeah i know sorry about that

and answering the first question yes ill be there

:)

With that, he threw his phone as far away from himself as he could and went to have a crisis while taking a shower. And don’t get him wrong - he really wanted to be there, to see the art Regulus makes, but at the same time he didn’t want to make a fool of himself. He liked Reg, he wanted to get to know him again after all those years they haven’t talked. And yet, he was still afraid he would fuck it up somehow.

“No you won’t” he said to his reflection in the mirror. “You won’t, just pull yourself together. And don’t act weird, just… be who you are. If he doesn’t like it, back off.”

After that little motivational talk, James started to get ready properly. He did his skincare routine, tried to (and failed) tame the nest on his head, also known as hair, and went to the closet to find something suitable for the occasion. How does one even dress for opening?

Having no better option, James decided to do the most stupid thing he could do.

“What are you wearing tonight?” he asked without any greeting. On the other side he heard the most feral laughter ever and just groaned at it. “It’s not funny, I really don’t know!” the laughter became even more hysterical, so James just stood in the middle of his closet, waiting for Sirius to calm down.

“Oh god, this is too good” his best friend chuckled a little breathlessly. “Are you trying to impress my brother or what?”

“I’m not trying to impress anyone, I just… what should I wear? To not look like an idiot?” more giggles from Sirius.

“Yeah, well, me and Moony are going in our usual clothes, so maybe something in between?”

“You mean I should go as a slutty grandpa?” James grumbled. His bestie just barked another laugh at that.

“Yes, exactly! Hope I helped, gotta go, see you there” and the call ended.

It actually did help, to his surprise. He put on a maroon turtleneck, paired it with suit trousers and his favourite red converse. The entire outfit, although simple, seemed to emphasise his muscles, giving the exact result James was aiming for. He put three golden hoops in his ear and finally felt ready.

Grabbing the phone from the armchair it landed on, James check if Regulus sent any new messages - he did.

Reg

I’m glad.

Don’t overdress, it’s a casual event, nothing fancy.

Do you know where to go?

Should I send you the address?

?

Hello?

Are you alive?

James, it’s been more than an hour, are you alright?

James smiled at all of this, quickly replying with ‘yes everythings good the shower took longer than it should pls send the address’.

***

He arrived at a small local art gallery, where the opening took place. As soon as James got out of his car, Remus and Sirius spotted him, practically running in his direction. The shorter man, dressed in a silk shirt, unbuttoned halfway down his chest, and tight jeans (all black, of course), jumped into his arms, screaming excitedly, like he hasn’t seen him in a while (since yesterday). From behind, Sirius’ fiancé rolled his eyes, smirking at their antics.

“Fancy seeing you here, Prongs” Remus said cheekily, when the long-haired man came to his side. It was James’ turn to roll his eyes.

“Are we coming in or are we just gonna stand here and freeze?” Sirius asked, snuggling closer to Remus.

“You should’ve dressed accordingly to the weather. I’m feeling petty so - Moony, would you mind giving me a fag?” James chirped sweetly, batting his lashes at the taller man.

He didn’t give him the cigarette, what’s with his shivering partner, so they just walked in to the gallery.

James spotted Regulus immediately. He was wearing a dark green sweater with a white collar sticking out from under it, black trousers and low Docs. He looked innocent and hot at the same time. He could see the younger man noticing him, too, when his lips turned into a little smile.

“Hi, Little Star” Reg snorted at that, and that was all he had to do to get himself a wide grin from James.

“Hello, James. Thank you for coming” came the slightly amused answer. They scanned each other for a second. From up close Regulus looked even better, James thought.

“You look good, I mean, like, very good” Reg chuckled softly at that and the other man melted a little.

“You look good, too” younger man replied, his cheeks turning slightly pink.

Their moment was interrupted by Sirius barging in, saying how proud of his little brother he is, while ruffling Reg’s hair. Even though he didn’t like it, Regulus hasn’t voiced his displeasure. It was nice of him, really.

Not long after, some professor welcomed everyone from the middle of the room, talking about all the hard work his students put into this exhibition and how glad he was to see so many people coming to appreciate that work. Some ovations. Then they were free to admire the pieces. Most of them were paintings, but there were also sculptures and some photographs.

The theme of the exhibition was ‘love’, so the students presented how they perceived it - some in a cute way, whit elderly couples sitting on a bench or some places they loved, but there were also darker ones, presenting the topic as suffocating or painful. James felt sorry for all those people who suffered because of something that should have been beautiful.

When they finally reached Regulus’ pieces James felt something warm crawling inside his chest. He didn’t immediately understand them, since Reg created abstract art, but the longer he looked the more he could see. On the first one there were spots of paint that must’ve been two cuddled figures in the dark place, surrounded by a little light, just around them, like a halo. James thought it must represent how Regulus felt about his brother, what was confirmed as he spotted Sirius’ eyes glistening in the bright lights of the gallery.

The second one was brighter, like it was some kind of meadow maybe? There also were smudges of paint in different colours - some of them lighter others darker. Those probably were Regulus’ friends and James had an urge to comment on that one.

“That’s so cute. They must’ve loved it so much” he said, looking down at Regulus. “Where are they, by the way?”

“They will come later, when there’s not so many people so we can really discuss others works” the younger man replied simply. “We’ll probably just end up laughing at them, really” he added with a shrug.

At that James pretend to be outraged, gasping and putting a hand to his chest.

“Oh! Am I not worthy of laughing at other people’s art with you? Tell me how can I be granted this privilege, I’ll do anything!” He kept up his act, grabbing Regulus by the shoulders, bending his knees like a sufferer begging for water.

The younger of Black brother looked at him, trying real hard to not look amused, but his eyes were giving him away.

“You’re pathetic” he said, not even a little bite to it. To be honest he sounded a little like he was enjoying James’ antics.

“Yet, you like me so much you managed to rob your own brother of my number” James said it like he was plotting something. “And you wanted to rob me of my time, the audacity.”

“Please stop” the shorter man buried his face in his hands. “Don’t mention it ever again” he added, a little muffled by the hands. He had really nice hands, James noticed.

“Oh, I will not stop till the day I die.”

They moved to the third piece and- oh. James might not be the brightest person alive, but he knew what was on the last painting. It was similar to the other two they saw earlier, smudges of paint in different shades creating two figures. The figures were hugging, not like the first ones, but more like lovers trying to become one. One person was rather pale, contrasting with the other who looked tanned. Their hair was black and deep brown, respectively.

James looked at it with awe, felt the butterflies waking up in his stomach and flying freely all over his body. He looked at Regulus, but the other man hasn’t met his eyes, staring straight ahead at his work. James noticed he turned a pretty shade of reddish pink on every bit of his face. His own lips turned into a big fucking grin. He wanted to reach out, touch Regulus, hug him, anything really.

Unfortunately, from behind him came Sirius’ gasp and then excited “Oh my god, Reggie, you painted me and Moony? Oh, that is so lovely, can I have it later?”

James, Remus and Regulus looked at the man at the same time, each one with a deep frown, not believing how delusional Sirius is. As if they shared a brain cell, all three of them nodded in agreement to not lead him astray.

Regulus cleared his throat, and turning to his brother he said “Yes, that’s you and Remus, and no, you cannot take it.”

As the older turned to stare daggers at the younger, they just started bickering about who should have the painting, Remus and James looking at them with amusement.

After some time Regulus’ friends came and the three older man ushered to exit so the younger guys could have fun together. Just before they left, James approached Regulus one last time, cheeky smile on his lips.

“Sirius and Moony, huh?” it earned him an eye roll and a sheepish ‘shut up’. He just smiled wider and leaned down to whisper in Reg’s ear, feeling the black-haired man’s breath hitching “Text me when you get home.”

With that he walked backwards in the general direction of the exit, still looking at Regulus who looked positively stunned. James winked at him and Reg, after waking from the haze, flipped him off. James just chuckled at that loudly, turning to the door.

[lucid-daydreaming-art]

intro post whoopee!!!

hi guys im lucid :D you can also call me daylin i don’t really care but i may be like woah how do you know my name (i will forget about making this post 2 seconds after posting it) also I AM AN ADULT im 22 and i do not use pronouns just use my name pleaseeeeeee if you have a disability that makes words hard to process i understand if that’s difficult you can just use they/them instead

first off just getting this out there if youre proship, zoo, pedo, incest supporter, endo system supporter, any kind of discriminatory against protected minority groups, and anti-otherkin, shoo. dont want you here youre not welcome. bye bye my content isnt for you.

immmmm an infp-t 4w5 sanguine-melancholic existential-intrapersonal-visual learner seer of heart prospit dreamer true neutral rogue shifter airbender and dragon type trainer for all you personality label freaks

i like to DRAW!!!!! this is an art blog!!!! i will only post art here, all of my reblogs will be on @trickstergemini save for the posts my close friends make that i want to support here. sometimes i will post just text but thats only if i really need to let you guys known something or im answering a question

my commissions are OPEN!!!!!!!! right now they are strictly on emergency status, which means you choose the price and what i draw and ill agree if its not ridiculously unfair. check back soon for it to be changed to fixed price commissions though

im AUTISTIC i am on that mf spectrum been diagnosed since i was three. for me this means im not naturally fluent in social norms or what’s expected from an interaction or how to read others very well. i also have heavy special interests and find it really hard to turn the conversation away from something im fixating on or specially interested in. i also have extremeeeee sensory issues and a hard time being completely flexible when im comfortable in a routine so just be patient with me man adjustments are hard for me. my empathy is also extremely low and im a really really high masking person so if i come off as well versed or allistic just know that i either took a million years to format the right way to say things or i am entirely going off a predetermined script and will fumble if caught off guard. other important stuff ive got adhd bpd cptsd and major depressive disorder which all those combined makes me really flaky when it comes to responding or follow through. i may not reply to you for like 500 years or maybe i will be gods speediest most motivated soldier. just don’t expect me to be a readily available fully capable robot ok?? ok.

i am one half of @ask-kas-n-lamp the other half is some guy i don’t know he just hacked himself into the account and now i have to deal with him

in all seriousness mod dum, aka @unoriginal-and-dumb or unodum or unoriginal or whatever u know him by, thats my best friend my number one my pal my buddy my servant i keep locked up in my basement and i feed him cement and staples for every meal and for dessert maybe he gets rust shavings. he will be featured in my art like a lot or in my comments and reblogs and i will also be present in his stuff sometimes. if im drawing kasper im drawing his design, that design is not made by me its made by him sooo you should check him out and support him if you like that style or how about instead we get a mass unfollowing going there and you all come to my page and i exclusively will draw his design of kasper and get all the credit lets do that instead

if my requests are closed that means theyre closed EXCEPT for lampert requests those will always be open please ask me to draw him and i will take like three weeks but will happily draw him

uuueeehhhmmm my special interests are pokemon homestuck regretevator geography disney parks and personality psychology. i guess i also am specially interested in dragons but its less of an ill infodump to you interest and more of an i want to be surrounded by this thing because it brings me extreme comfort because it feels like me. i am otherkin im a dragon and i look like this:

i will also represent myself like this if im feeling it:

yes i know i am not actually a physical dragon and im not a spiritual kinner i kin for identity purposes and the fact that i feel some pretty intense crippling species dysphoria idk ive been like this since i was 5 i don’t really have memories of my life where i wasnt experiencing animalistic behaviors and instincts

my favorite music artists are s3rl twenty øne piløts onerepublic imagine dragons of monsters and men thefatrat glass animals ajr queen nine inch nails and muse my favorite medias are httyd movies pokemon homestuck regretevator invader zim our flag means death infinity train gravity falls rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead doctor who my little pony fim dont starve and the mcelroy brothers content

heres some more characters i represent myself as:

ok BYE

[devildom-moss]

Since you menioned Simeon and Barbatos in the same sentence, its my time to rant about how much i love Simbarb!!

I AM LITERALLY ON MY KNEES FOR THAT SHIP. EVERY SCRAP OF SIMBARB CONTENT I CAN FIND, I WILL DEVOUR IT LIKE THERES NO TOMORROW. DOESNT MATTER IF ITS FLUFF, ANGST, OR HECK EVEN SMUT. I LIVE FOR SIMBARB. THERES NOTHING ELSE THAT WILL SATISFY ME MORE THAN SIMBARB. LIKE THE SHIP IS JUST PERFECT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. AND BOTH BARBATOS AND SIMEON ARE PERFECT AS WELL. I WANT TO LIKE, SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF THE TWO OF THEM, AFFECTIONATELY.

I think i went a little off course.. oh and i read this simbarb fanfiction once and now ive created a whole au with lore and backstory with Simeon and someone else (which can technically be MC but the actual MC also exists in this au). And i really wanna talk about it to someone, but there's no one who wants to listen, but you're now back, and im happy so maybe ill talk about it to you if youre interested!

Anyways have a nice day! Remember to eat, sleep and dont do drugs <33

Sincerely, 💜

You are so right for this. Those two are not only my favorites, but they are probably my favorite ship (I don't know if I've made that clear in my writing, but I feel like there have at least been hints). We are on the same boat here (I apologize for the pun, but I'm sending it out into the world anyway). I am right there with you. They are precious individually and together. I generally am not a touchy/hugging person, so I wouldn't want to squeeze them, but I would make them a delicious bowl of soup, give them pats on the head, and tell them that they're both good boys.

Especially as a fellow SimBarb lover, you are welcome talk about your AU here! Also, in general, I love reading about how people view character relationships (romantic, platonic - in any form, really).

While I'm here, I would like to fuel the SimBarb love with a few thoughts of my own it won't be too much because I'm going to head to bed soon, so my brain is in wind down mode.

Okay, so I lied to myself about the "a few" and rambled for 10 bullet points, so more under the cut:

Canonically, Barbatos and Simeon just often find themselves on outings together. Barbatos phrases it like it's unintentional; it just happens; they just have accidental dates. Well, considering that Barbatos seems to always have good luck, maybe there's a reason he keeps finding himself on outings with Simeon. Wouldn't it be lucky if he happened to run into a certain handsome angel while he was out?

I think it took Simeon longer to realize he liked being around Barbatos than it took Barbatos to notice how much he enjoyed spending time with Simeon. Simeon probably used Luke as a kind of affection proxy for a long time. A lot of "Luke really likes Barbatos," and "Barbatos is so sweet to Luke. It really warms my heart." Really? Is it just Luke who likes Barbatos?

They probably pick up groceries a lot together, and they both like to menu plan as they browse the markets, so they end up taking ideas from each other. Sometimes they'll plan to cook the same dish on the same night. It makes them kind of giddy. Even though they don't share meals often, when they cook the same thing on the same night, it almost feels like they're getting to eat together.

Whenever Luke goes to Barbatos for cooking/baking lessons, Barbatos tries to ensure they have leftovers for Luke to take back to Simeon. Additionally, Barbatos is especially motivated to help the final product turn out good (outside of just wanting Luke to learn and succeed) because he knows it's a reflection of his own skills and he wants to impress Simeon.

Also, I could see Barbatos sending Luke back home with two bouquets of flowers (especially edible flowers and sometimes herbs) from his garden. One is for Luke, but the other one, Barbatos will casually suggest that Luke "give it to Simeon, if you'd like."

These two both love taking care of others. Can you imagine how often they just try to out-spoil the other? I think it would occasionally end up in arguments that are basically just "sit down, and let me take care of you for a change."

Barbatos would be the least comfortable being taken care of because he's a demon. Being doted on by an angel. That's weird, right? He feels incredibly unworthy.

These two could flirt back and forth so well.

Barbatos would get extremely flustered if Diavolo commented on how wonderful it is to see a respectable demon such as Barbatos and a regarded angel like Simeon getting along so well, and that it gives him hope for the future between the Devildom and the Celestial Realm.

This is kind of angsty, and I don't remember if Barbatos and Simeon actually met before the war, but I have this thought (maybe a future story idea if I decide to lean into ships or something) that while Diavolo was enamored with Lucifer, Barbatos took a liking to Simeon. Actually, it was initially just an interest in the angel whose cooking skills could almost compare with his own. Then he realized how similar they were and how well they would get along. I just imagine younger Barbatos thinking hoping that when the war came around, Simeon would fall with Lucifer. Selfishly, he wanted the opportunity to even just be around Simeon. When that didn't happen, Barbatos was silently crushed but he carried on. He held his excitement the entire time when he first heard that Simeon would be one of the exchange students, and he was even more delighted when Simeon treated him with kindness.

[v3nusxsky]

i’m so in love in your writing skills babe xx you have no idea how much you makes me feel so happy tysm

Could I request motherly lady lesso where the reader has trouble with eating (anorexia) & often have very bad panic attacks because of that and lesso try her best to help her with comforting and etc please❤️

I struggle with that so bad rn.

Hey lovely thank you so much love that makes my day that they have this effect on you. You all provide me with the motivation to write and continue posting so thank you for the support <3 it wasn’t something I planned on doing more off just a way to get over a nasty breakup but I’m so glad now I write more it makes me truly happy.

Chosen Momma

*Authors note| another sensitive topic so I'm going to try and do the prompt the some justice. Again everything I write comes from my own experiences so please be gentle and if anyone is struggling with this my messages are open*

Trigger warnings~ anorexia and panic attacks

Prompt~see ask^^^^

Mothers. Certainly a funny concept. The one person who is supposed to nurture, comfort and support you as you navigate life. Yet yours, well she did the opposite. So much so you couldn't help but feel relieved when you joined the school for Evil. Your mother being an Ever, now refused to even acknowledge your existence. At first you thought you'd be sad, that you were not seeing your mother. After all you only get one mother. Yet you didn't feel sad, no you just felt freedom.

Your struggle with eating has been present for years. Certain foods would cause extreme reactions for you, resulting in panic attacks. Sometimes you would have good days, but naturally you also had bad days. And on those days you couldn't help but wish to have someone to hold you and guide you through the process. Recovery was a long road, one that contained a lot of twists and bumps. The bends were sharp and honestly, it was a treacherous path to travel alone.

Since arriving at the school, you had done your best to hide your illness, you didn't want to appear weak. Weakness is not something a Never should show, you'd had that drummed into you from day one. Making a conscious effort to do well. Maybe because you wanted those grades or maybe it was due to a certain red head. When you arrived you were instantly drawn to her. She seemed to attack your gaze effortlessly. Teaching attachments are a serious thing. And on the first day you had not planned for Lady Lesso to be your attachment. Yet the world works in mysterious ways and you soon found yourself in that situation.

Lesso seemed to have a soft spot for you, you knew that with how she treated you. In fact, you now found yourself searching for her any time you two were in the same room. On the hardest days, a smile from her would brighten your day, giving you a small beacon of light to guide you. Yes Lesso was more of a mother to you these past months than your mother had been in years. And as hard as that was to admit it was a pure fact.

The day she found out of your illness, you'll never forget the sadness that lingered in her eyes, she was desperate to help in some way. As much as you knew you had done the right thing telling her, yet you felt so guilty seeing the pain it caused. And that was the night that you made a promise to the Dean, you would find her whenever you were struggling. And on those days you had helped Lesso know exactly how to help you. Exactly what you craved and needed to get through this. Maybe just maybe, having her by your side to guide you through it al would be helpful for you.

On this particular day, the food being served in the food hall seemed to be massively terrifying. You sat, gaze unfocused, starring at the plate of food as if it was the most scary monster to be imagined. You could feel yourself being swept up in the panicked thoughts, your heart racing as if it was beating at the speed light travels. It was hurting your heart. Was it going to beat out of your chest? You vaguely remember being told that when you felt as though a hand was plunged into your chest and squeezing your heart like a vice, that you should try to sit up straight. Yet your body seemed to just want to fold in half. Your vision was the next thing to deteriorate. You vaguely remember a pressure on your shoulder before you lost consciousness.

You conciseness began to flood your body once more, you instantly noted the change of environment. You were no longer in the noise hall, you were in the safety of Lady Lesso's office. The women was sat by your head, stroking through your hair to provide comfort. Only when you were fully back in the present did she help you sit up and pulled you into a loving embrace. Immediately stepping into the motherly mode. Her hand never left your hair as she rocked gently with you in her arms, whispering repeatedly words of love and support. "Oh my little dove, are you okay my darling? Is your chest still sore little one?"

You took a few more steady breaths before attempting to answer her, "I'm okay momma it is still hurting slightly but it's much better now momma" you mumbled soaking in her embrace. You'd been calling Lesso momma now for a few months, it had slipped out during a particularly bad attack and luckily she felt honoured you saw her as your chosen momma. If she could provide you with what you truly deserved and you felt comfortable with that title then who was she to deny you such a comfort. You had told her about how your mother would handle this, and to have the complete opposite from the one and only Dean of Evil was just overwhelming.

The softer side of Lesso was one that only a select few people had the pleasure of seeing it, so the fact you were one filled your heart with joy. Whenever you had bad days, where everything felt too much you knew you could come and seek comfort in your momma's embrace. Knowing she would hold you till you had weathered the storm. Only then when you were calm, she would get you some of your safe foods and encourage you to eat. "Eat my darling, take as long as you need and I'll be here with you my little one" was her constant reminder that you would never be alone and there was no pressure to eat any faster than you could handle. She wouldn't leave you because of this illness, in fact she was going to stay and help you recover. And that made your heart fill with love. Who said a mother is formed by sharing blood and DNA?

Word count~ 1137

[sirfrancisvarney]

I had been enjoying this season of True Detective so much, and I was so looking forward to the last episode and seeing how they'd wrap things up, but when it finally aired, I was left feeling so disappointed.

The explanation given of what Tsalal was up to in the beginning made absolutely no sense, to the point where I was willing to believe it was a cover story for something else. Unfortunately, the nonsense about whatever they were drilling being too hard to extract DNA from is apparently true, somehow. I don't understand it. We've been drilling into glaciers and permafrost for decades. Why would the core being too "hard" make it too difficult to extract DNA? We're talking about ice; why can't you just thaw it? Are you trying to get DNA out of literal rock, like fossilized bacteria or something? Shearing DNA is the least of your problems. And what sort of pollution is going to make your cores "softer" without destroying or contaminating your samples? Am I really supposed to believe that's the best method available?

Look, on some level, what the Tsalal scientists were doing isn't actually important, because as far as the narrative is concerned, it's just a MacGuffin, just something to get them there and give them a reason to kill Annie K. and kickstart the plot. On the other hand, what they were doing is the most important thing, because it serves as their motivation, and if I can't believe the first crime, the whole plot falls apart. For the story to succeed, I have to believe that they would all kill Annie K. over her attempted destruction of their work. And since the scientists aren't given much in the way of characterization (like at this point I still don't know if they were all completely off their rocker or if Clark was right and they did find what they were looking for), then their research has to be something I would recognize as being worth killing over. But their research makes no sense, so I don't. And this killed the story for me. 

In the companion podcast Issa López talked about listening to indigenous women and getting their input when developing the story, and I've seen people online comment on the show accurately portraying life in Alaska. I just wish the science side of things had received the same level of attention.

On a more personal and subjective note, the ending was also too happy for me. There was a time when I liked tales of badass women getting revenge on evil men as much as anyone, but those stories feel like empty wish-fulfillment nowadays. I can't believe in those kinds of endings anymore, because they only seem to exist in fiction. Was a single video from a dead man who was well-known to be mentally ill really all it took to bring down the mine? In 2020, there were video recordings of both Ahmaud Arbery's and George Floyd's murders everywhere on the internet, protests in every state in the US, people getting their eyes shot out or receiving permanent brain damage from cops shooting them in the face, and for what? After all that, as soon as 2021 rolled around, the newspapers were platforming all these bullshit liars claiming crime was now worse than it was back in the 80s.

I don't know, maybe I'm just too cynical, but I don't believe justice or change can be made so easily or quickly, and it irritates me sometimes to see it presented that way in fiction. Maybe if the Tsalal research had made more sense, I wouldn't have been as bothered by the rest.

[dualityvn]

thank you nightmare for the delicious lore crumb i will now drive myself crazy over it for everyone's enjoyment

alright so, "the game isnt supposed to exist. you're supposed to forget it" right off the bat i have a pretty good idea of what i think the first part means, which ill get to, but ill be frank i have No clue what the second part is supposed to mean. maybe ill think of it as i work the first part out, maybe not, but going into this i am Clueless.

diving right into the first part then, as soon as i read it i was reminded of magic man, and how he interceded on our behalf to stop Keith from seeing an ask that would have upset him. when we questioned Keith and Tenebris about magic man later, we learned that he had approached and spoken to Keith the day we first meet him, after we had left the flower shop, and told him that we (the MC) would be someone who could love him. (i wanted to find the exact post so i could quote it but i cant find it so if im mis-rembering something let me know)

so, if we assume that magic man is in fact, magic, and somehow pulled some strings to get this "fated meeting" between the boys and the MC to happen, then i think that pretty solidly solves the question of why the game isn't supposed to exist.

because its not supposed to. we were never supposed to meet Keith and Tenebris, and they were never supposed to get attached to us, but it Has been created and they Did. but something that's not supposed to exist has to be created, which explains the existence of magic man.

what i still dont get is magic mans motives tho. if he is the one that made it possible for the game to exist, and for the boys and the MC to meet each other and fall in love, Why? why would he do that? what does he get out of it? what made him look at Keith and Tenebris and say "ill handle it"

is it because hes been in a similar situation? because he knows what its like to be deemed "unlovable" by those around him? we know from the one picture we have of him that he has some scarring on his face, what happened to him to cause that? does it have something to do with why he seemed to go out of his way to help both us and the boys?

magic man is such a fascinating character in this world primarily because we know nothing about him. we know that he is aware of us, and that he is aware of the power our words have on Keith and Tenebris. we know he gave advice to Keith that he wont tell us about, and that Tenebris doesn't know all the details either. and that's like,, it.

to be fair, i could be completely wrong here, all of this is counting on magic man being magic, and i honestly have no other leads if that's not the case.

i also still have no idea what "you're supposed to forget it." is supposed to mean. it could be related to a couple of things, like how in the game once you finish a playthrough, that's it for that particular version of the boys. they're done and move on, forever mourning the connection to you that they once had but will never have again. if you start a new playthrough, you are given a completely new set of them, who are exactly the same, but yet are not the same ones as before. (which, side note, is so cruel and heartbreaking to think about)

anyways, thank you nightmare once again for sharing with me i have been thinking about this nonstop since last night when i saw it and it has been eating my brain alive

Sorry for the wait, Cacti, I finally dug this out of my ask pile.

But you're right about the fact that "he" is involved. However, none of the motives you listed are right :P And unfortunately, you won't find out until a future game. But your efforts are appreciated!

[jrvschizo29]

I hate having schizophrenia. It's made my life so difficult especially with love . I've been disrespected so much . I'm a good person and there's so much sigma with my mental Illness. I feel people even go out of their way and hate me . I have a great personality when I can and I've always thought good of myself and try with others as well . But people can be Aholes . Me and my bf of a year haven't been talking much lately and I'm getting sad . I am not sure how to handle that . Then he put up a post and Idk what to think of it . Having him on my social media stresses me out at times . We don't put we in a relationship we're not really into that . I'm actually starting to feel a little better just venting it out publicly yet anonymously as well . Next is to see if we can work things out and have a chat . I really care for him and I hope everything's good but I'll see what happens next after the talk . Other then that I'm trying to find a place . I have a voucher for housing and I want to at least get my apartment soon . I have to pay for the application fee and go from there . I pray all goes good and things pull through for me . Fingers crossed . Also I am inspired to lose some weight like 70 pounds . Thinking of signing up for the Kroc center which has a gym . That would be great to go 5x's a week and walk on the other two days 5 miles . I'm 224lbs right now . I'm pretty but I want to lift weights and get my body in shape and tight . If it don't work out with my bf then I'll just use that motivation and transform my body to feel a lot better . Also try more to take care of myself . I noticed when I do I feel a hell of alot better . I can workout ,journal my thoughts ,bullet journal to track my progress ,and eat healthy ,drink more water for my weight and quit smoking . I have the medicines for that so should be good . I just got to work on me and follow the plan I'm going to write out later in my notes . Now I'm excited .I was so sad but the good thing about my illness is I'm never stuck just in those negative feelings . I can pump myself up to feel a lot better after I write . Also I'm a INFJ so even though I have mental Illness which really is Schizoaffective so schizophrenia and bipolar ,I can bounce back some . I'm not alone is what I feel and I know I'm cared for by someone . I have two beautiful kids for starters and they care so much . I am appreciative of all those that care and respect me . I know I need to work more on my boundaries and I will work on that and go to therapy. Also do a couple programs as well for mental wellness . Maybe I'll meet some people who are like minded and also join a community. My big goal is to quit smoking and work on losing weight even though my issue is the meds have slowed down my metabolism so I have to cut out sweets and do my research on what to do with that problem. I feel like I got this !! 🙌♥️💪🚭

[bellamer]

(Takes place during Episode 6-7, The Noahtic, also TW for anti-black language but it's coming from Lord Enders)

-

"Albert James-"

"-Yes, Sweetness ?"

"You must be out of your mind if you think they're going to let me on that ship !" Estelle said in disbelief. "Taking me to a ball is one thing, but on a ship, that will be full to the brim of white nobles-" she took a break from her tirade to rest her hand on the elder Moriarty's forehead. "Do you have a fever ? Is this where this nonsense is coming from ? You're ill, that has to be the reason why you would suggest-"

"-I already bought you several new dresses for the voyage-"

"-Something so stupid !-"

"-I also bought you those black pearl earrings you adored so much when we went into town-"

"-I'm telling William that you're ill."

Albert took her hand from his forehead and rested it on his cheek with a hum.

"William already knows, my Sweetness." He said, softly. "We purchased your ticket and you will be boarding with us and if people question it or give us problems, I will just say that you're my personal physician." He kissed her palm. "My very personal physician." He looked up at her, with those emerald eyes that she couldn't resist. "Besides, you work too hard. When we are finished with business, I want us to enjoy our pleasure cruise."

Albert removed Estelle's hand from his cheek to press more kisses on it, before moving up to her wrist, all the way to her elbow.

Estelle sighed in defeat. Albert obviously wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer. He was way too hardheaded.

"You make me sick sometimes, you know that, right Albert ?"

"I love you too, Estelle."

-

Estelle felt uneasy as a pair of eyes burned into the back of her skull. Despite the beautiful day, the gorgeous ship and the delightful smell of the sea air, she couldn't shake the feeling that there was evil around.

"Is the man who I am sure is planning my demise, the star of our show ?" She asked Albert, as they boarded the ship together.

"That would be Count Blitz Enders, yes." He said, escorting her on board, looking behind them to pass a quick glance at Count Enders. "I'm so eager to watch the show, aren't you ?"

"Oh yes, quite." Estelle said with a devilish grin. "Maybe I am glad that you brought me along, the payoff will be more than worth it."

-

"William has informed me that the show has yet to start." Albert said, stepping into his and Estelle's shared cabin, watching as she picked a dress for dinner. "Which means that I'll have to find another way to entertain myself."

"Dinner is starting soon, why don't you help me pick out a dress and we can go from there ?" She asked, struggling to pick between the pink, the gold and the powder blue dress.

"I suggest that you wear the gold dress tonight, and save the powder blue one for the show and the pink one for our voyage home." Albert purred. "That way, I can be thoroughly entertained."

"I knew you'd pick the one that showed off my cleavage first." Estelle huffed, rolling her eyes. "I have no idea why you'd buy such a dress like this in the first place." She then thought about it. "Nevermind, but you will give me your jacket to drape over my shoulders if I get cold."

"Of course." He grinned. "Don't forget about your earrings, you'll look absolutely stunning with them on."

Although he did have an ulterior motive for the earrings. He wanted Count Enders to see his lady wearing such refined jewelry, to aggravate him.

He knew the Count would certainly throw a fit if he saw a woman like Estelle wearing such nice earrings, earrings with rare and valuable black pearls on them that few people had. Albert spent a small fortune on them, just for her and he wanted everyone, especially Count Enders to see that.

-

"Excuse me." Estelle heard a voice from behind her growl out, as she reached for her handkerchief she had dropped. She froze and gasped as she slowly stood up and turned around to see Count Blitz Enders behind her.

"Yes, can I help you ?" She asked, trying to steady her voice, to keep it from wavering.

"I just have to know how someone such as yourself got on this ship and why they would let you on ?" Lord Enders asked. "It's bad enough that they let a bunch of cattle onboard, but now they're letting apes on as well ?"

Estelle took a deep breath, as she pushed her anger down, in an attempt to be polite.

"I am a guest of the Moriarty's, Earl Albert James Moriarty to be exact." She said, keeping her calm demeanor. "He wanted me on this trip, so I came."

"So you're nothing more than his pet ape, gallivanting around with the noblemen, as if you have a place with us." Enders growled, moving closer to Estelle. Estelle stood her ground.

"I am an accomplished doctor and scholar, I am not a pet, Count Enders." She shot a glare at him, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. That's when the Count caught a glimpse of her earrings.

"Where did you get those ?" He asked, rage dripping from his words. "I highly doubt an ape like you bought those herself, any jeweler worth his salt would know that they would be wasted if you were to wear them !" He hissed

"I didn't buy them." Estelle said, before smiling. "Earl Moriarty did." She then let out a 'hmph' and walked past Count Enders, who she could see was obviously shaking with fury. She made her way back to the lounge to find Albert, who was waiting for her right next to the door.

"Did the Count like your earrings, my dear ?" Albert chuckled, taking her hand.

"You orchestrated that on purpose, didn't you ?" She asked, with a pout. "You dropped my handkerchief on purpose, sent me back to get it, knowing I'd bump into Count Enders and that he'd notice my earrings and would become furious, I must say, Albert, it's not nice to use me as a unknowing pawn."

"I knew you'd figure it out and anger him even further." He led her to a table. "Now come, have some wine with me while we wait for the show to start."

-

"The first act has ended, now comes the second." Estelle said, amused. "This will be a night no one will ever forget."

"I see what you mean." Albert said, wrapping an arm around Estelle, as they watched the stage, watching as the curtain rose, hundreds watching as Lord Enders stabbed the corpse. The preformer screamed, people yelled and whispered, as the Lord looked like a child, who's hand was caught in the cookie jar.

"Wait- Unless I'm mistaken...is that not Lord Blitz Enders ?!" Albert yelled from his seat. People wondered out loud, how an aristocrat could do such a thing, horror overcoming the audience.

Albert took her hand, just as Lord Enders lunged at the audience but was quickly taken down and instead took to running.

"Are you ready to watch the rest of the show, Sweetness ?" Albert asked, looking at her. Estelle nodded, hiding her grin.

"Of course."

-

Estelle watched as Lord Enders fell to his demise. Albert holding her hand.

"What did you think of the end of the show ?" He asked.

"My heart was pounding the entire time." She said, breathlessly. "I applaud the performers and the lead for really committing to the role, but all of this excitement has exhausted me, so I feel the need to retire." She gave Albert a knowing look. "Would you care to join me ?"

Albert gave her an enthusiastic look

"Why certainly, my Sweetness."

[ssparksflyy]

leo valdez dating hcs !

pairing : leo valdez x gn!reader warnings : itty bitty cursing , maybe spelling mistakes but ill fix em later a/n : yoyoyo starting this at 1:06 am. not sleeping til im done <3 ilysm for reading this, nd hopefully i write something again soon 😭 perhaps a pt.2 to the last time? 😋

leo is literally the most perfect bf :(

hes very much a gentleman

holds ur things, opens doors for u, asks u about ur day, holds ur hand when ur walking, and comforts u when ur sad

omg nd idk if u guys have seen this one video where this guy is dragging his foot through the snow so his gf has a clear path and doesnt step on any snow

but he'd 100% do that if it snowed

leo's always making sure u get the best treatment and nothing less

now, its a known fact that this boy will def make things for u

have u guys seen those cool flowers made outta scraps nd stuff? yea expect at least one of those every day. all in different colors.

he'll sneak into ur cabin every afternoon, doesn't matter if ur in there or not, nd leaves them on ur nightstand with little notes

like u could just be having the most shit day

nd then u walk into ur cabin and find a cute little flower, always a different color from the day before with a note that says something like

'i saw you laughing at something (ur friend's name) said. i love the way you throw your head back laughing like a little kid <3 love, leo'

like AW

u dont know how to tell him ur running outta room for the flowers, but at the same time, dont want him to stop ♡

i feel like leo would also make matching bracelets that connect with a magnet

he asked piper for help since she's got a BUNCH of beads, nd spent like 2 hours trying to make them bcs he kept dropping it 😭

nd once he FINALLY finishes them he literally SPRINTS to show u all like

"y/n! y/n! look! i made us bracelets!" nd has the biggest smile on his face as he shows u that they connect

u give him a big ol hug + a kiss on his cheek and his grin somehow grows even bigger

leo loves loves loves holding ur hand

his hands are warm ofc, nd the fact that their rough makes it 10x better

he loves fidgeting with ur hands

like ur used to it at this point

he'll ask u how ur day was nd starts to play with one of hands as u tell him abt ur day

if u dont like that / ask him to stop, ofc he will, he'll just start fidgeting with something else

IT'S ME, HI

he FOR SURE wears one of those adhd rings that spin when he isn't working

IM THE PROBLEM ITS ME

if u let him play with ur hands and wear rings, he'll take em all off and rearrange them, sometimes putting one of them on if he thinks its cool

after u tell him abt ur day, he'll tell u about his as he puts his arm around u and u lean into him

its apart of ur nightly routine, you'll either meet in urs or his cabin, depends on who finds who first

sometimes the other person'll stay the night

leo's a big cuddler, nd since he's so warm, u end up staying the night in his cabin pretty often

can i just say

leo's the typa guy to have the SLUTTIEST waist EVER

like he is SNATCHED

u often find urself wrapping ur arms around his waist bcs of that

its not fair :(

movin on

leo loves dancing omgg

if u dont know how to itll be his #1 priority to teach u how

sometimes when ur hanging out in bunker 9 he'll put on a slow song nd just starts dancing with u

in that moment he rlly doesnt care about anything else. he's with you, and that's all that matters.

UGH I JUST THOUGHT OF DANCING WITH OUR HANDS TIED

in short

like him

leo is literally the most perfect bf ever nd i love him

a/n (pt. 2) : yooooo, hope u enjoyed! its 3:25am. im tired. but now have motivation so aint that fun :,) also idk why it takes me so long to write i literally just get distracted

BUT BASICALLY tysm again for reading, ily, nd goodnight <3

peace from manhattan,

percy jackson

[mydiaryx]

20th feb

so Okay mind is going off a bit, I do however think ki am going in the right direction, maybe ill try and get a good chunk of this done today! The issue is I do fear it will take me a while :/ hmm hopefully not, I think soon my mind will start to focus, as I hope… but when I get home, even if im so tired ill get a fit ready ! And check the weather lol I always forget to do that, but ill get a fit ready for Wednesday, then on weds ill do the whole day of work then come back and get ready then go out ! I deffo wont be too late I don’t think, and hopefully its warm so I can wear some next level cute outfit, ,I wanna wear those little white socks so bad ! But legs so pale ! But I couuuuld wear like skin tights but thing ones under omg ! Then I bet they would stay up way better too , just so unsure on what shoes, I could wear like my lace up dress , but I think ill have to one fix it and two wear like something on or with it, im not 100% sure on what tho ! Ill have to do some outfit building tonight too !! I don’t think ill be too tired.. I fucking hope anyways ! It does feel so nice just getting home feeling clean and not having to unpack days of dirty clothes. I suppose I could just do that now then I can just deal with it in a min, im so glad julllianna wants to duo my shifts !! I wonder if I could get my pestle done tommorow?? That would be a fucking miracle, and probs would be as fast as I need to work to get it done lol !! But tmo like if I get my outfit completely ready eat I might not find it so bad to get up, its when I like just leave everything till the last minute that I have a shit morning lol, but at least then I can have my free brekkie, get on with my work then just go to work at 1.30 so annoying  next tues 2-6  im not even working next tues anymore ! Which is positive, but its just so annoying I feel like I get put in so much, its fine tho I really can just focus this week, I have the time to so im going to do it. Like im going to focus righttttt now almost, I just had to think about my plan the next few days, and I can get a good few hours of work done now, maybe until like 8 that would be nice !! Lets see if I can focus , it would be good if I wasn’t cold tho walking home, oh well ill live ! And if it really comes to it I could do some at Georges tommorow, anyway I think its important that I spend time away from the computer, because then it always sort of leaves me wanting more, at least im motivated again tbh. 

[potteresque-ire]

Hi I posted an ask regarding your view point on GGDD's safety by people shipping them openly by bus designs, digital hoardings in their country and various other ways. I am not sure if you have already replied because I can't seem to find it. If not, please notify in case you would be interested in posting, there is no pressure or complaints if the answer is not affirmative. Also, I am hoping to read your piece on current issue DD is facing in relation to Nike. I am sure a lot of people enjoy your straight, detailed and analytical thought process and information presentation. A lot of people especially ifans needs to understand the perspective and position an actor or any national level influencer/celebrity is in when they are a citizen of totalitarian regime.

I would love to read, if you decide to write.

Thank you for your blog. It is highly appreciated and welcomed.

Hello Anon! I sincerely apologise ~ my ask box has been very full, and I answer based on time availability (which isn’t much) and “urgency” of the matter (for example, the recent post on Dangai/WoH skipped the line because it’s current). My whim too, occasionally and admittedly; sometimes I’d like to take a breather and talk about something a little more fannish and fun (like window cleaning robots!) Above all, I prefer giving delayed but responsible, or even no answers over irresponsible ones, given some of the subject matter I touch upon. I’ll ... probably have to write up an ask box policy at some point.

Now, my thoughts about Dd’s current situation ... or maybe, my thoughts about the things around it ...

I should explain where my highly disorganised thoughts this time come from first. I’m a Hong Konger by birth, and I grew up at a time when it was still conventional for Hong Kongers to refer themselves as Chinese, following the tradition of referring to the (believed) origin of one’s paternal family as our own origin. I’ve never, however, sworn allegiance to the Chinese government; the two citizenships I’ve ever held are 1) United Kingdom (Hong Kong was still a British crown colony when I was there), and 2) United States.

The distinction between China, the country, and Chinese government, as the country’s rulership, has therefore always been clear to me. You can love, feel a bond with the country, its people and culture and its 5,000 year old history, without having feeling anything with its 71 years-young government with foreign (soviet) roots. To quote Hamilton: Oceans rise, empires fall, and just the central plains of China alone went through a total of 13 recorded dynasties, during which its border waxed and waned, often splitting what is now Chinese territory into multiple countries under different rulership that sometimes split along ethnic lines—China, in that sense, isn’t even historically a country as we define one today; it’s a piece of land in East Asia where different countries have taken over, risen and fallen. And the major ethnic group, Han, which also includes the vast majority of the current political elite, wasn’t always in control. The Yuan dynasty (1271–1368) was famously built by Mongolians; the Qing dynasty (1636–1912), Manchurians. Beijing, the current capital of China, began its illustrious history as The Capital City for the non-Han based, north-of-central-plain dynasties of Liao and Jin. Liao people were believed to be either Mongolic or Tungusic. Jin people were Tungusic, and would eventually become Manchurians. Xinjiang (新疆), meanwhile, was only under the influence of the ancient Chinese empires sporadically, and its formal conquest / incorporation by a Chinese dynasty didn’t happen until ~ 1760, and by the (Manchurian) Qing dynasty. Its late incorporation is also reflected in its name that means, literally, “New Territory”.

What does this all mean? It means: 1) Loving China =/= loving the Chinese Communist Party;  2) Chinese culture =/= Han culture; especially the Han culture infused with “Core Socialist Values” as defined by the Chinese Communist Party; 3) X dynasty’s territory (where X = one of the ancient Chinese dynasties) =/= What has to be People Republic of China’s territory.

And by writing down these three =/=, which I’d argue are simply conclusions from historical facts and logic, I’ve committed an act of subversion in the eyes of the current Chinese government. Remove the “/” in “=/=“, and you’ve got three of the most important talking points of Chinese propaganda.

The sacred, un-violatable rules the Chinese government tells its people.

Why do I mention them? Because the scrutiny, the attack on Dd read familiar to me, and is probably familiar too to all those who’ve kept even a brief eye on Hong Kong and Taiwanese entertainers who work in China. When a topic that violates one of these propaganda points makes news (for example, the HK protest, Hong Kong/Taiwan Independence), entertainers from Hong Kong / Taiwan—anyone who’ve achieved name recognition—are often placed under immediate scrutiny by Chinese netizens to see whether and when they’ll confirm their loyalty towards the Chinese government. The argument is that only those who display absolute loyalty to the Chinese government deserves to earn China’s money, and the main motivation behind this scrutiny, in this case, is mistrust: Hong Kong, after all, is crawling with British loyalists and rioters according to Chinese propaganda, with separatists who’re conspiring with foreign governments to overthrow the Chinese government; the democratic island nation of Taiwan, meanwhile, is supposedly a rogue child who has escaped its mother (China) ’s arms for the past 70+ years—the child who, by the way, shall be brought to their knees (along with into their mother’s arms) by military intervention. Both places, in other words, are serial violators of =/= 1) and 3), and not to be trusted. If their entertainers fail to affirm their loyalty towards the Chinese government, or if the timing of their patriotic display is perceived as off, vicious accusations—similar to those Dd has endured—will fly, and calls for boycott begin. 

Here’s a related observation, while I’m at it ... no one in c-ent is really allowed to keep their political views quiet, even if they’re not particularly well-known. No one can say, politics isn’t for me, it’s too ugly/too complicated/doesn’t fit my image and shove it under the proverbial carpet. Under an authoritarian government, control is exerted via politics, via propaganda that seeps into day-to-day language. It’s an oil slick that taints and swims in even the smallest crevice of life—there’s no where to hide.

And Dd is far more famous than almost all of these HK and Taiwan based entertainers. 表態 — a public announcement of his stance — is the only option left for him when he becomes the centre of a sensitive political issue such as this one. And there’s really only one stance he can take.

In that sense, what happened to Dd isn’t something I’m too worried about—this kind of attack under the guise of a “loyalty check” isn’t new; and the motivation behind the scrutiny of Dd is the safer to-take-down-his-career rather than political mistrust. I believe this storm shall pass soon, as long as his team doesn’t make an unexpected, big mistake. His non-fan fellow country people will probably view him with a more positive light as well: he walked the walk and did what he believed is patriotic — breaking a contract like this is no lip service when in China, performative patriotism is often lip service — reportedly even among the top Chinese Communist Party officials.

If I must find more defence for his stance ... please forgive me, Anon, but I don’t have much more to say than what I said last night, what I said before about China’s access to information—

—because, admittedly, following, talking about this incident is difficult for the Hong Konger in me, even if I’ve expected this kind of incidents from the moment I joined this fandom, even if I’ve expected, as I’ve learned from RL experience, that most people I adore in China will at some point support causes that I deeply disagree with. The online patriotic rally by c-motors and c-turtles under the associated Weibo tag, while impressive and good for Dd, is nonetheless heartbreaking/frightening for me to watch. Why? Because I know this can easily turn into a call to persecute all Hong Kongers involved in the democracy movements sometime in the future. Because I know the rally will probably be as impressive if this has been a call to persecute all Hong Kongers involved in the democracy movements. Frankly, I stopped thinking about Nike as I scrolled through the posts — I was thinking about the now impossibly wide gulf that separates most Chinese and a Hong Konger like myself; I was thinking about why a Gg / Dd performance can trend on Twitter in 10+ countries all over the world but makes almost no noise in Hong Kong or Taiwan, places that should’ve most easily fallen in love with Gg / Dd with their closeness in language and customs. 

As it turns out, the closeness has only driven HK and Taiwan away; the closeness only brings them more insight of the beast—the government that looms over, cast a long shadow over everything that lives under it, including Gg and Dd.

I was reminded of the fact that many young Hong Kongers probably see me as a traitor just for being a turtle — young Hong Kongers who are n>1 generation immigrants from China, who never spend years reconciling the conflicting viewpoints, the even more conflicting emotions when it comes to this ... almost irreconcilable difference now in political beliefs north and south of the China-HK border. Unlike the older generations who often have immigrants/refugees from China for immediate, un-severable family, who often don’t have the option to walk away from the conflicts, to simply point to the other side and call it evil.

And here are my even-more-conflicting emotions: 

While, over the years, I’ve learned to harbour no ill feelings to the vast majority of supporters of pro-CCP causes—I reserve blame for those who conceal the truth, who’re involved in its policy making, or people who live outside the Firewall and should know better (such as every HK entertainer who’ve expressed support)—I’ve also learned, over the same years, to be fully, painfully aware that every endorsement is still an endorsement for the regime to carry on its ways, and the damage is real, is significant even if the endorsers may not know about the true nature of their endorsements. 

A simple thought experiment: the sheer size of China’s population means it can easily control the narrative on English-speaking social media. The Chinese government already has a history of mobilising its people to scale the Great Firewall and spread its propaganda on, for example, Twitter. It has also mobilised fan circles for propaganda purpose. Again, as a thought experiment *only* (ie, SJD!), imagine the Chinese government mobilising Dd’s Weibo supertopic fans to spread misinformation about Xinjiang.

Dd’s supertopic has 5+ million members—all savvy social media users and many skilled in the art of comment control (a collective effort, performed by fans to bury critiques/dissent on message boards); the total number of Uyghurs in Xinjiang is ~12 million, but their communications are heavily scrutinised and they can’t really talk. Just for the sake of argument, we’ll add the ~ 70% pro-democracy HK population to Uyghur’s side: that’s another 5 million, but most of them aren’t good at raging a battle on social media.

Which side will control the narrative in the end?

And so: I understand why Dd’s statement is what it is. I don’t fault him for making it. Still, I can’t in good conscience say to anyone, myself included, that the statement is a personal opinion and doesn’t matter. It matters a lot. His announcement is another stab to the Uyghurs, and the knife is sharp because of Dd’s social influence.

(Today, I saw Dd’s name for the first time in a Hong Kong pro-democracy online news site.)

The statement carried this sentence:

國家尊嚴不容侵犯，堅決維護祖國利益 The dignity of the country is not to be violated; the interest of our motherland is to be resolutely defended. Firstly: it’s character-for-character propaganda language. Secondly: even if we do not consider the labor camps, this is the condition in Xinjiang’s city of Urumqi. Where’s the dignity of the people who’re living there and who’s preventing that from being violated? The interest of the motherland—what kind of motherland answers an allegation of human rights violation with “interest” (利=profit, advantage; 益=benefit)? What kind of motherland has “protects its interest” being synonymous with surveillance and abuse of its own people?

I have a motherland, but it’s not the one in this narrative.

The issues of Xinjiang and the Uyghurs have also become even closer to Hong Kongers since 2019, when the fates of Hong Kongers and the Uyghurs became intricately tied—as dual examples of Chinese government’s human rights violations and indeed, these two populations who previously had very little in common have shown solidarity with each other against all odds. Their connection being this one simple, awful fact: both having what they value most stripped away by the same government—the traditions, religion and culture for the Uyghurs, the promised freedoms and hopes for democracy for Hong Kongers. As an online meme goes: “Today’s Xinjiang; Tomorrow’s Hong Kong” — expressing the fear that Hong Kongers may soon be subjected to the same surveillance as the Uyghurs today, for the same reason of having put up a fight against who they saw as their oppressors (this article offers an objective summary of what led to the 2009 clash between the Uyghurs and the Chinese government, which precipitated the former’s treatment as will-be terrorists today)(Note the role the US played in this.). 

As such, I cannot look away from Xinjiang. As such, I cannot look at our two beautiful stars, Gg and Dd, without also seeing the flag with its blood red looming behind with its own five stars—the biggest of them symbolising the Chinese Communist Party.

How do I reconcile all the feelings? As I said, it’s a constant work-in-progress, possibly a lifelong one. Re: Gg and Dd, that’s what I tell myself at the moment: that my being an i-turtle shall not sway my view or silence me on any sociopolitical issues, that my being a fan of anything, anyone shall not mean any other human life is suddenly worth less to me, or its suffering, something I shall suddenly look away from. The moment this becomes true—that I find myself depreciating human lives, or ignoring the pain of others for the sake of my fannish pursuits—that’s when I must leave my fan identity until I find my discipline (I do understand the lure of a happy fandom bubble, and I’m far from immune to it). I’m a person before I’m a fan.

These are the rules of my world.

我的世界不退讓。

[randomsnakesimp]

Okay. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna take the leap and say: Phobos is the victim (sorta).

Quick disclaimer: I am going to abuse plot holes and cartoon logic for my cause in a very nitpicky way. If you dislike that, I can completely understand, and I hope this warning will save you a lot of reading.

Also, this won't go into just headcanon territory, I'll put those in a separate post. Everything here I'll try to keep based on actual information from the comics and what I made of them.

That said...

Let's take a look at this scene:

(for a quick translation of the important part, the mother says: "No, Phobos, Meridian is meant for your sister. That's the law. The crown is hers.)

What we can see here are a few very important things:

1. Phobos is at most 5 years older than Elyon.

2. The name "Phobos" is not an edgy nickname he gave himself. Five-year-olds don't go around calling themselves Phobos. So his parents, for some reason, gave him that name.

3. His mother is very adamant about him not even touching the crown and reminding him of his sisters' birthright.

So, after establishing what I would call more or less facts, what else can, relatively savely, be deduced here?

- Since Elyon never noticed anything weird about herself, she can't have aged slower than earth children. So neither can Phobos. This would mean that, as she was kidnapped after her mothers death as a baby, he would have been five. So, he either tried his best to rule at age five, or the council we see as Elyon rules stepped in for him for a while

- this would then mean two things: we need an explanation as to why Miriadel, Alborn and Galgheita fled explicitly from Phobos (I'll give my explanation a bit further down) and second, Phobos' reign of terror wasn't even thirteen years, and a lot of that time he was a child/teen and could not even have been mature enough to rule.

- This also means that Kandrakar pulled up the veil when Phobos was at most five, likely younger, and that the so called "Seal of Phobos" also existed at that time, as both the veil and the seal are seen in the flashback depicting Elyons abduction. For Kandrakar, this, too, I will try to explain soon, but as for the seal, I find it most plausible that the theory @ror-witch used in their fanfiction, of the seal being a royal heirloom and named after each ruler, is true.

- His and his mother's relationship was neither as bad as some assumptions go, but neither was it that good, probably, or at least it wasn't in his perception. See how his memory is of her cradling the baby the entire time and talking more about his sisters birthright than about what he has/can do? Yes, it's only a short memory, but I think it's clear that it's a summary of what he remembers of his mother.

- Phobos desire to rule Meridian does not stem from something deeply sinister, but rather from a childish spite. Five year old Phobos probably just wanted the crown cause it looked nice and shiny, and he was fabulous even back then, but after his mothers words, he sulked and decided to show her. That's his motivation.

So, now let's go a bit further and look at some other things we can deduce from the rest of the comics:

- Phobos has a huge dungeon, a wall of roses that turn people into more roses if they touch it and his plan for the annihilation of Meridian is "Well, Cedric and I hide in the castle and...we'll see". He hates the people of Meridian, but he doesn't seem to have it in him to directly attack anyone until Elyon is there and even here, when he has her knocked out in their duel or locked up as Endarno, he isn't unnecessarily cruel. He's not evil in nature, he's more of a very dangerous child throwing tantrums. ( Cedric is kinda similar, and they both start losing it toward the coronation, but I sincerely believe that before that, there would have been a chance for them to come around )

- The only person he ever tortures or even hurts directly is Cedric. Because one, he likes Cedric and so gets more extreme emotions around him, and two, Cedric never says anything, and just plays it of afterwards, so I don't know if he even fully realizes what he's doing, like a child hitting someone. If Cedric ever just said "Stop it, you're hurting me", Phobos would probably need an entire week to process that input.

- Phobos is VERY reclusive, and he doesn't want anyone to have even pictures of him, and while that could be a God complex, I get some highly insecure vibes out of it, in a vulnerable narcissist kinda way, in that he is massively overcompensating. I gotta admit, though, that I cannot put my finger on why, so maybe take this with a grain of salt and decide for yourself if you agree.

- Kandrakar never orders the guardians to help Meridian in any way, just to make sure nothing oozes out. They likely pulled up the veil for their own protection, so Phobos wouldn't be able to spread far enough to become a real danger, rather than to protect innocent people, as clearly the Meridian people mean shit to them

- while the guards are widely feared in Meridian, Cedric seems to be viewed as... not very frightening or important, as some random merchant feels comfortable clinging to his cape (and rightfully so, apparently, as Cedric just tells him to piss off and doesn't care any further). This further leads me to believe that Cedric is rather unhealthy devoted to Phobos and his tantrums while their shitty ass reign leaves a lot of free space for unsuited people to become guards and tyranize the people.

- the King and Queen seem to have died in rapid succession, and shortly after the scene shown above, yet she looks perfectly healthy in that scene.

Now, what do I make of all this?

I believe the line of events to be as follows:

I don't think Phobos traveling back in time is a viable theory for mainly two reasons: I think his mother would be less chill around him if she saw/heard about his reign herself, and I believe that it would have been mentioned somewhere along the way if that were the case. Instead, what I believe happened is that the oracle had a vague vision of Phobos nearly taking over Kandrakar. Deciding in their random mood swings that today was a day of action, they had the people of Meridian informed that the next male born to a queen would become a dangerous tyrant, pulled up a veil and set their guardians to make sure nothing oozed out.

The veil, of course, made the people of Meridian feel trapped and a horror of the unborn prince who would ruin their lives spread.

So, when Weira gave birth to that prince, a full blown panic spread, so much so that she, in a fit of hysterical emotion, named him after that boust of panic. Of course, people tried to kill the prince basically from the moment he was born, and he was met with barely concealed resentment.

Soon after, Weira and her husband died - whether they were killed, or fell ill, or died in an accident, I have no idea, but I wouldn't completely rule out an assassination either aimed at Phobos and accidentally hitting them or the strain making at least one of them fall terminally ill.

Either the people rioted and Phobos' magic panic reaction or the leftover loyal guard was enough to fight them back, or the people succumbed to their fate at this point, slumping into the state of despair seen throughout the comics. But in the end, five year old Phobos had to be handed the throne. I assume the council still had some say at this point, but he did manage to get all pictures of him destroyed - this order was likely due to the fact that they were mostly caricatures.

So he grew up with the very volatile combination of a shitton of power and no one able to tell him if he was being stupid on one hand, and feeling unloved and unwanted on the other. He withdrew, likely also due to countless assassination attempts or things he perceived as such, and went into a negative feedback loop of being unable to mature and take responsibility, therefore being a shit ruler, therefore being hated, therefore having no one to help him, therefore being unable to face and grow from his mistakes, rinse and repeat.

So, Meridian was plunged into chaos, yet he seemed fine more or less just sitting in the new playroom he made for himself in the gardens, sporadically giving out an order or two and having generally no idea about anything that didn't directly concern him.

Enter Elyon. Now, she send him of the rails, as she was a danger to his lifestyle AND a reminder of all the sentiments he'd be drowning in alcohol if he wasn't too much of a recluse and education denier to know of that option. He doesn't even try. He just lets Cedric, the one person he trusts, handle her, like everything else, and somewhat plays along sometimes, when he feels like it. This is where he passes the point of no return and starts actually trying to kill people, culminating in him creating an army to wipe out Meridian. I still believe that even at this point, in his head, what he's doing is just throwing a nice toy out the window just so his sister won't have it.

[opluffys]

What We Aren’t- Killer x Reader

this took me so long cuz i had no motivation to write it... i fucking love killer but i’m so lazy lol. i hate this but there’s not that many fics for him, so enjoy? idk i’ve been unhappy with my writing for a while ughhh. please enjoy even though it’s bad! *please let me know if something looks off in the writing, sometimes it copies weird!!*

-smut/nsfw-

You sat perched upon your small, uncomfortable office chair, calmly awaiting a very important call. All you had been doing this entire day was waiting, for that damn transponder snail to ring. How long does it take to read over one single paper and respond back?

Being a member of a Supernova's crew meant a lot of injuries, you were no fool, no. You knew the toll it'd take on you as a surgeon to become Kid's ship doctor. One would take a look at you and assume you had enjoyed the challenge, the thrill of getting a new patient under the operating table each hour with something new wrong with them.

No, that was not the case, not at all.

Goodness, you adored being a surgeon, of course! Holding that scalpel and practically slicing people open always made you giddy. A sadistic surgeon, guess that's what people would pinpoint you as. But those were just simple perks of being the ship doctor on the Victoria Punk.

The real treat was the second in command.

Every time you weren't blinded by the lights in the operating room, you would steal glances at the attractive man. How mysterious he was just did wonders for you...

Over the years that you had stayed, you obviously had made advances. You wouldn't say that Killer always had women throwing themselves at him, they must be blind, though. So of course when you hinted that you wanted him in a more, intimate, manner, he at times accepted.

The two of you were not in a relationship, in fact, the two of you had barely exchanged any words to one another. Even though you always treated his wounds with utmost care, and not a word was said. Just a simple thanks and he was on his way.

You didn't care, though. You were not, by any means, looking for a long term relationship. You did not have the time for that, and you probably never would, if you were to continue your role as a surgeon, that was all you could focus on.

You scribbled notes down messily, crossing names out on the list quickly. While you waited for the transponder snail to ring, you decided to doodle a list. It wasn't important, not in the slightest. But you wanted to see how each crew member had gotten injured and where. It wouldn't help, but it was fun to see such a thing.

You heard the door swing open, being caught just in time in order not to bang against the wall. You were about to yell at whoever burst inside in such a way, but then you saw that familiar mass of fluffy blonde hair.

"Well, hello." You said, settling back into the chair, hearing it give a weak squeak in response to any weight put onto it. You really needed to get a new chair.

Killer grunted in response, and a small sigh left your lips. At times, you would question why he wasn't so talkative like the rest of the crew.

You quickly ripped the list that you had made, tossing it in the nearest trash bin you could find. You figured now would be a time to make an actual list you would use, not one that would bring you petty amusement.

"So, what do you need? You don't look injured, and I only do surgeries. So go over to the others if you have a scratch you need checked." You said, scribbling more unreadable words down.

"Since when do you only do surgeries?" You heard an unfamiliar voice pipe in. In question, you rose your head from the notes over to the voice you heard. After seeing a random lackey holding bandages, you scoffed and gave an eye roll.

"Too many on this ship come to me everyday to go under my operating table. You know that? Imagine if I had to take care of everyone else who came to me with a runny nose crying for dear life. I'd go insane." You said, relaxing your skilled hands in your lap, smiling proudly. Of course you would end up helping anyone who wandered into your office regardless. You knew nobody else could take care of anyone like you.

You shooed the young boy out of the office, who smiled in return to your words, not believing a thing, he knew how soft you were.

You groaned loudly, putting your head against the table. Why couldn't you be a mean pirate like your captain? Refusing any with a small bruise on their arm. It's your own damn fault, being too nice to the crew members, acting like their damn mother.

You then returned to take your notes.

"I need painkillers."

You nearly had a heart attack.

"You're gonna fucking end me..!" You gasped, feeling your heart beat quicken.

You calmed down quickly, your heart still beating quite quickly. Not because of how scared you were, but because of who was in front of you.

"Why?"

"I've been feeling a little sore and tense lately." Killer replied, leaning on the wall.

You laughed, bringing your hand to your mouth. "I can give you painkillers for that, but it can easily go away by a simple massage." You said, kicking your legs up onto the table. Hell, it was disrespectful, but it was your office. You could do whatever the fuck you wanted here.

"And I think I could help you out with that." You added, sounding a little suggestive about a simple favour to a friend, if you could call him such a thing.

"I thought you only did surgeries..?" He said, and you could've swore you heard a slight teasing undertone. Sly bastard...

You didn't bother a reply, you did not want to bicker with the man. Especially at a time where just a look at him paired with the sound of his voice would ignite your entire body on fire.

You sauntered over to him, urging him to take a seat. He did so, and you knew your chair couldn't take his mass of muscles for very long.

"Your shirt." You said from your place behind him. You were sure the both of you knew he didn't really need his shirt off. But ugh, that back of his...

You obviously were not a masseuse, but how hard could it be?

You dipped your fingers into his skin lightly, pushing harder when he didn't say anything to put a stop to you.

After around thirty or so minutes, you could've cooked anything with just the temperature of your skin. You were dying to be under the man in front of you, harsh nail markings sporting his sculpted back.

You leaned in a little closer, pressing your lips against the nape of his neck. He immediately stiffened, not being used to such a loving gesture.

"So? How does it feel now?" You questioned, spinning him around to view you.

You took a seat on his thighs, a much better place to be seated than your chair.

"I hope I made you feel at least a little better. It would hurt my reputation if one of my patients left without being helped, even just a bit." You grinned, hands roaming all over his built chest.

His breath hitched as you began to move your hips against him, feeling his hands attach to you.

"Now?" Killer questioned, not seeming to protest against any of your actions.

"Why not? I've been awaiting a call, but it looks like that idiot forgot about it."

It seems as if that were all the affirmation he needed, because soon after you said that, you were pushed harshly against your own desk, a surprised squeak coming from you.

Your garments were ripped off with haste, a lazy smile spread across your reddened lips.

Within seconds, you were just an utter mess. You always questioned how he always knew what your body had craved from him.      

He quickly pushed your soaked panties aside, sliding his fingers against your slick folds. You bit your lip to try to prevent any unwanted noise from leaving you, but just the sheer skill he had was too much for you.

Your cheek was against the desk, your mouth slightly agape. Such a lewd face you had made, and all he had done was a little teasing.

"So wet already. What have we done that was exciting?"

You whimpered in response, pushing your hips back in hopes of feeling his fingers, or rather, something else, fill your insides.

You felt his presence flush against your back, "Or maybe," he pushed his fingers inside agonizingly slow, nearly causing your death, "this had been on your mind the entire day?"

Fuck, this man was a master at reading people.

Your hands were balled into fists, nails creating marks on your soft palm. You didn't want to give in, you didn't want to beg, but your mind was beginning to disagree with your pride.

"No. That's not the case..." You gasped, feeling his thick fingers curling inside of you, "Hmm, I don't like liars. But, I do like watching you squirm."

"All you have to do is tell me the truth, come on. I know you can do it." Sick bastard. Fuck him. Yeah, you didn't need him, you could finish yourself off, if needed.

"I already told you," You took a deep breath, feeling him move behind you with ill intentions, "all that I've done today was wait for a call. Then, I'd seen you... My thoughts had run for a little, that's all."

Yeah right! Like he'd believe such a thing! This seems like a child who took something they shouldn't. It wasn't your fault, you weren't working properly. Your mind had become wired on feeling Killer inside of you, and that's what you had needed.

You heard shuffling behind you, followed by the removal of his digits. You grumbled unhappily, was he really hellbent on you admitting something that didn't matter? You were both adults, and adults were supposed to get mad behind closed doors. Yup.

While you had been lost in thought, you felt his tip press against your dripping entrance. Finally! About time! You almost broke out in song you were so happy.

You won this little dispute.

Actually, no. You didn't.

He pushed himself inside rather slowly, cock snug against your velvety walls. You expected him to start moving, or at least do anything. But nope.

Nothing.

"Seriously..." You mumbled, trying to move back into him, obviously he didn't allow this, hands stopping any of your ministrations.

This is fine. You were going to be okay like this. You weren't going to give up. You wanted to be a pirate, so you couldn't just rip your pride to shreds.

You knew he couldn't last longer than you. He would crack eventually, and you would triumph. In this case, it was seen as the opposite.

"You really can't admit it, can you?"

No! You couldn't! It wasn't the truth... Mhm, just keep telling yourself that.

You knew he obviously didn't care, he just loved to see you have an internal meltdown. He would use anything and everything he could against you. You could practically hear the 'teehee' come from the bastard.

He took a seat on your tiny chair, bringing you with him while the chair squeaked in discomfort. Now sitting upright on him, oh this wasn't good for you. You could feel him deeper inside of you and you craved more. You craved sweet friction of any kind.

You squeezed around him tightly, trying to ease him into forgetting about this little feud.

You heard his breathing become slightly uneven after that, you grinned, you had an ace up your sleeve.

"What kind of monster takes teasing to such a level?" You politely asked, slightly raising your hips. He wasn't able to stop you in time as you sank onto him slowly.

He was so heavy inside of you, you couldn't take it anymore. You wanted him to fuck you until your mind stopped working. You just got a little taste of what you could have, and you wanted more, you wanted it all.

"How about we take a rain check on this. I think we're both a little needy today." You smiled, you're such a genius. This way, you didn't lose. No, you won. You wanted to tell him to suck it, but you had boundaries.

"Fine. But next time, don't expect me to give in so easily." He sighed, getting a better grip on your hips.

You turned around briefly, seating yourself back onto him. You always secretly enjoyed being so close to him, hearing his heartbeat in an irregular way. Maybe it was because you were so close. Your face heated up a bit, no, that couldn't be it. You placed you hands on his chest gently, "You can move now." You braced yourself for a second, at times, the two of you had gotten a bit rough. You didn't mind, as long as the both of you enjoyed it, you were happy.

He lifted you slightly, you felt a little empty for a moment but sighed blissfully when you felt him back inside.

This was an odd pace... Almost like he was taking how you felt in consideration. Usually you fucked like animals, but this? This was more of a lovers pace. Even the way he held you, it was gentle, for such a large man you hadn't thought he could hold you in such a way.

Maybe he was still teasing, going at a slower pace than you were used to. You could wait a little, at least he was moving now. Your head made contact with his chest, a slightly more comfortable pose for you.

How awkward for him! Your soft hands at his chest lovingly, your face against him while he slowly pumped inside of you... This is what lovers would do, not people who just wanted a quick session... He almost imagined you looking up at him with teary eyes, mumbling an 'I love you'.

He too, felt his face warm. It was such an uncomfortable feeling for someone who didn't welcome such emotions.

A small part of you somewhat enjoyed this, being next to him like this. You wished you could feel his lips plush against your own at this very moment. You smiled while in thought.

He looked down at you through the holes in his mask, he didn't expect such a serene look on you..! You had been liked this, hadn't you? Holding him while you had sighed and whimpered with want.

He took no time to pull out of you, flip you the other way, so you were, once again, facing the desk. He shoved himself inside, pounding into you at a more wanted rate.

All of this has happened very fast. Literally blink of an eye. You had no time to adjust whatsoever, from a slow and leisurely pace, to harsh snapping of the hips.

The expression on your face was priceless, but also very vulgar. The illusion of lovers was wiped away instantly, meaningless pleasure filling its slot.

Your muscles had stopped supporting you, your body nearly becoming lifeless. You silently depended on Killer to keep your body from not falling off of the desk. You laughed imagining this actually happening.

Your eyes screwed shut while your lips had only been able to form, 'yes yes yes!'. You knew his ego was through the roof right now, having a girl under him screaming for more.

And you were right, spot on, actually.

Again, Killer didn't always have women offering themselves to him. You however, would happily flock to him anytime he felt like he needed to relieve some stress.

He looked down at you again, seeing your greedy cunt swallow his cock with urgency put him in a trance. Fuck you took him too good. It was literally as if you were the missing piece to his life.

The way your insides clenched around his length every single time he moved a single muscle, paired with your small and delicate moans... He felt like he'd break you in an instant at such a pace. But he knew you could take it, he wanted you to take all of him every time the two of you do this.

Tears came out of your closed eyes due to the intensity your body was undergoing. It felt fucking phenomenal to be stretched and filled and body bent while being pushed into the uncomfortable wood of the desk. God, you nearly unraveled right there.

Your grip on the desk tightened, knuckled turning a burning white. You couldn't go on forever, you knew that. But with the earlier teasing, you were going to be finished soon.

"Oh fuck yes... Right there fuck yes!!" You screamed, the feeling of pleasure skyrocket when he brushed against that sweet bundle of nerves inside.

"Right here, huh..?" He hummed, large hand caressing the curve of your ass. You panted and whispered something even you didn't know in response. You were just broken at this point.

You were certainly not prepared for when he continued to slam into that desired spot over, and over, and- oh fuck you couldn't handle this shit.

Your orgasm hit you fucking hard, you felt lifeless. Completely and utterly dead.

Seeing you moan and whimper desperately beneath him was, simply, hot as fuck to Killer. The way your body silently begged for more with every thrust, you lightly convulsing and squeezing him when you had gotten close, and the sudden outburst when you had finished... It just kept replaying in his head over, and over, and- oh fuck he couldn't handle this shit.

A deep grunt left him and he pushed deep inside of you again, a quiet whimper coming from you since you were so sensitive. His tip giving a final kiss to your insides, and finally sealing his hot release in you.

You mumbled incoherently while you struggled to get up, trying to pull on your panties.

"Woah, no need to waste." He grinned, pushing a finger into your entrance, keeping his cum inside.

You lightly fell onto his lap, not knowing he'd still stimulate your exhausted nerves. You turned your head into his hard chest and nearly cried.

"Don't be an asshole..." You muttered lowly, looking up at him, "Someone might come in and see."

"So? Maybe it's a kink of yours..." He replied, voice slightly hinting a mischievous undertone.

You snickered, rolling your eyes. When he wasn't so scary, he was quite pleasant to be around.

"Maybe... We might explore some of your kinks too." You giggled, feeling him stiffen at your response. Usually after sex the two of you would go separate ways. You would never bask in the afterglow with him, at least not this long. Talking so casually, too.

You were scared at what the two of you shouldn't become. This was a dangerous life, you couldn't get attached.

And finally the fucking phone rang.

It was as you hadn't just had the best sex of your life, finally this idiot had done what you asked. Who the hell knows why it took him so long.

"Yes? Hello?" You answered, getting off of your comfortable seat, which had been Killer, and leant against the desk.

"What a fucking view..." He mumbled to himself. It seemed that you had forgotten to put your garments on, just how important was this call?

You faked a laugh, this fucker said he went to the wrong island. How. How did that happen..? You would be sure to give him hell when he came back.

"It's okay! It's okay, I'm not mad!" Yeah, you're fucking seething. He was lucky you got remarkable sex out of this.

"Yes, please tell me how much they want for it? Also don't forget to try to swindle them for it, okay? I know you're a shy bastard but you can do it!" You said into the phone. He better get your herbs. You need these stupid little fucking plants or else you couldn't make your medicine.

"Holy shit, that's a lot of money... Well can you try-"

Oh he did not just.

While you were on the phone.

Your assistant constantly asked if you were okay, a shaky answer leaving your red lips.

"Hold on a second sweetie." You said calmly into the phone, acting like you didn't once again, have a huge cock deep inside of you.

"While I'm talking to someone? You couldn't fucking wait?" You whispered, bending slightly. This man had no shame, he wanted you to take it all, clearly.

"Let's see how quiet you can be." He retorted, not even acting like he'd done anything wrong. "Fine, just don't move too much. I don't want anyone on the other line figuring out that we're doing something so scandalous... It's quite rude to do so on the phone." You sighed, removing your hand off of the receiver.

You actually held up quite well, rocking side to side a bit while holding a normal conversation with the shop keeper, haggling about a price. You were so proud of yourself!

“No, put the price lower that’s way too... Too, ah..! Oh fuck..!” You yelled, feeling his large thumb rub harsh circles into your clit. Now everyone knew what you were doing, fucking great.

“Aww, and you were doing so well.” He chuckled, watching you shake under him. You didn’t bother saying anything back to him, too far gone in your own pleasure to care.

How embarrassing... You could try to cover this up, but you don’t know if that would end up well...

“Yes, yes I’m fine... Just stubbed my toe...” You laughed nervously, biting your lip not to let any unwanted noises out.

“How sly.” He smiled, hidden admiration in his voice. You gave him a quick middle finger, cursing at him a couple of times.

“Yeah thanks sweetheart. I’m gonna hang up now okay? Yeah, bye bye.” You spoke, not even hearing anything your assistant had said. You were focused on feeling another great climax, and certainly didn’t care about the price of the plant any longer.

“You’re so fucking wet...”

“Yeah, I wonder why.” Cue the eye roll, “I guess I was right? This is one of your kinks, isn’t it?” He grinned, pushing his cock deeper inside of your warm walls.

“You gonna finish inside of me without warning again?” You muttered, exhaling a shaky breath.

“Only if you want it babe.”

Oh. Oh he had called you babe. Names like those? Oh fuck now you were gonna get attached, and... And...

And maybe that’s okay.

“Fill me up.” You moaned, letting out a gasp of his name that you had chanted like a prayer.

You sure as hell didn’t need to tell him twice.

•Bonus•

“Hey,” You looked up at Killer, hugging him under the sheets, “I think I like you.” You sighed, worried for his answer. You had a feeling the worst thing that could happen was a simple no, but hopefully you wouldn’t lose the sex.

He took his warm hands off of you, which you took as a no towards your earlier statement. You felt a tinge of embarrassment, but since you were so tired, you also didn’t care.

He lifted his mask just so his painted lips were shown, he quickly captured your lips in his own and you felt the sparks fly. You initially thought that it was just sexual, but during the day when you had thought of him, goodness, you were oblivious to your own feelings.

“Really now? You’re not just using me for the sex, are you?” He whispered, voice husky and deep in your ear. You reached to scratch his goatee lightly, “Who knows.” You pressed your lips against his once again, sitting upwards and quickly growing hot. Who knew a make out session would be this hot? The mans got mystery, that’s some extra points right there.

“I think I like you too.”

[whatifxwereyou]

The Oncoming Storm Part 13: Worry

Liu Kang x Reader and Kung Lao x Reader (gonna do both, two paths!)

Liu Kang knows exactly what he's doing. Like, exactly what he's doing. Send help. Plz. Next update on Thursday! Gonna go for the double again this weekend. Thank you, as always, for reading! Appreciate you guys!!

Part 12 Part 14 Chapter Index

Meditation brought you no peace. Even as you laid down, you knew you couldn’t sleep. In moments like this you would normally wander about the temple to take your mind off your racing thoughts. But you were exhausted, and the idea of walking around was unappealing, to say the last. You needed rest but your brain wouldn’t allow it. It’d been cruel to you all day long. Maybe you should go and find Chen and see if she still wanted to meet up with some of her friends and have a drink. You could joke and have a drink under the watchful eye of someone who would take care of you if it made you sick. Then again, if you found Chen, then you would also be teased. That and she would expect to hear how your afternoon with Kung Lao had gone. You still weren’t sure how it’d gone so discussing it seemed out of the question.

Chen wanted you to make the kind of mistakes that you had been incredibly careful to avoid since your early twenties.

Avoiding that dangerous train of thought, you returned to your afternoon with Kung Lao. He’d been weird. Reflective and pushy, but still kind and confident in you in ways you had never expected. You couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that you’d done so poorly. Your confidence had been shattered. It would come back, you were sure, but the vision you’d had and the fact that you’d hurt Liu Kang had really set you back. You were grateful, in hindsight, that Kung Lao had forced you to push beyond your limits.

Before you’d had no limits and since that night, you’d given yourself limits without realizing.

“Ugh.” You got up and pulled the top drawer of your desk open to find the small and delicate flower that Kung Lao had given to you. Seated on the edge of your bed, you admired the wilting and precious thing. It wouldn’t live for much longer, but it didn’t make it any less beautiful. You’d forgotten what it had looked like while alive over the years and the reminder was nostalgic and touching.

What had Kung Lao been doing today? Yes, you knew you were practicing, and he was encouraging you to push beyond you limitations but there was something else beneath that. A motive. You couldn’t say that he hadn’t been himself because the Kung Lao you knew had been ten years old. Still, he’d been weird for half the session. Besides that, you were certain that he’d considered kissing you several times and had hesitated- waited for you to make that leap. You had thought about it, of course, how couldn’t you? But it was different when you considered you had both thought it.

You set the flower on the wide windowsill, watching the wind slightly jostled the withering petals.

What did any of it mean? What were your heart and brain doing? They certainly weren’t working together.

Liu Kang had kissed you.

You brushed your fingers over your lower lip and shivered at the memory. It had been more than a kiss; it had been world-shattering. Okay, maybe you were being dramatic. But it had made everything else disappear. Nothing else had mattered. Not your vision. Not the mark on your back. Nothing.

Even though you’d been terrified and exhausted when it’d happened, it had been perfect. Even thinking about it made your chest ache.

You hadn’t seen him since then.

You’d spent so much of your time together that it almost felt like withdrawal to not see him for that long. Reaching again for the flower, you moved to your desk, afraid that the wind would blow the precious thing away. You rested the flower atop the journal.

You needed sleep but your brain wouldn’t turn off.

You hoped that Liu was okay. That in whatever way you had attacked him, you hadn’t done any damage. You wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself if you had. You also hoped that Kung Lao was okay. His behavior had worried you. You didn’t have the words to ask him what was going on. You had, in fact, asked him exactly that and he’d had no answer for you. He’d been evasive and you didn’t know him well enough to know if that was normal behavior for him. Maybe feelings made him uncomfortable. They certainly made you uncomfortable.

You recalled that even as kids he’d avoided uncomfortable conversations with humor. Back then, you’d done the same. Other than that, you hadn’t been able to shut him up. He’d told you everything under the sun that he could think to say. You smiled at the memory but shook it away as quickly as it had come. You had to get it out of your head that they were the same person. Yes, they were but there were twenty years of distance between them. He was different and so were you. He’d died and you had grown to love his memory.

You remembered him in reverence, but you had to put that aside if you had any hope of knowing the man that he’d grown to be.

Before you knew it, you were waking up to the sound of a knock on your door. Your back ached and your arm had gone numb from falling asleep on top of it. Wiping your eyes of sleep, you sat upright and scooted back in your chair. There was a second knock on the door, a polite and soft knock. You stood and half-expected to find a monk checking in on you. Instead, you found Liu Kang. He seemed tired. The sky was dark beyond the window in the hall behind him. You’d slept through the evening.

He greeted you with a nod instead of words. From the look of his thoughtful eyes, he seemed to have a lot on his mind. “Is everything okay, Liu?” You had a thousand other questions to ask him. Was he okay? Where had he been? Did you hurt him? How had you attacked him? You wanted to ask him what that moment between you had meant but you pushed that all aside. For now, the one question would do. The other answers would come with patience.

“Yes, everything’s fine.” He smiled as if realizing that he had worried you by not doing so. “I wanted to see you, that’s all.”

“Oh.” That was sweet, was what you wanted to say, but you didn’t.

“Can I come in?” He gestured toward the room and you stepped aside to allow him entry. He walked into the room and sat on the edge of your bed. You closed the door behind you and then joined him. “I’m sorry that it’s been so long.”

“Oh? Don’t be. It’s okay. I know that you have a lot of responsibilities here.” You smiled. It really had been some time, but you understood that he was busy. At least the distance hadn’t been in your head.

“I’ve been doing some research through the archives for Raiden. It’s been busy and tedious work. Trust me, I would have rather been here.”

“Research? About anything fun?” You brightened up, hoping to get him to talk about his day. He had listened to you many times and you were happy to repay the favor. Liu Kang averted his eyes and his prayer beads shifted nervously from his wrist and into his palm. His index finger tapped against the beads and your stomach dropped.

“Not so much fun, but interesting.”

“Oh. It’s about me. The research was about me.”

“Yes,” Liu turned to face you. “About what you’re experiencing. Nothing personal.”

“Well, did you find anything?” You wanted him to be honest with you even if what he’d found wasn’t what you wanted to hear. Liu softened. Sometimes it seemed to you that he could read your mind.

“No. In truth, it’s difficult to say what we’re looking for. We need to know more about what you’re experiencing and that could be…”

“Uncomfortable.”

“Invasive. Seers are rare, Y/N, but many have stayed in Raiden’s Temple over the years. I mostly went through files of old predictions and afflictions suffered around the same time. Nothing lined up of any note. I didn’t honestly think that it would, but we had to check.” Liu Kang tried to catch your gaze, but you kept your eyes turned downward. “Raiden wants to see what you saw using his magic if you’re up to it. I’m not sure when, I just know that it’ll be soon.”

“Oh, yeah, of course. If he thinks that it’ll help and can do some good then, that’s fine. A little discomfort isn’t going to kill me.” You smiled but it faltered. The gravity of the things you’d left unsaid was weighing you both down.

“Y/N?” He turned toward you as if he had something important planned to say but you stiffened up. You didn’t want his pity or his worry.

“I miss studying with you.” You interrupted. It wasn’t what you had wanted to say but he seemed to understand your meaning. You missed him. “Everything seems so complicated now. Part of me is missing those first few weeks, even as sick as I had been.”

“We can’t live in the past, Y/N.” He rested his hand on your cheek and urged your gaze up to his. You held your breath. His fingers brushed from your cheek, over the line of your jaw, beneath your ear, and then down beneath your chin. “When you said that you suffered an illness in your childhood, you didn’t mean that you were sick, did you?” You stiffened up. Of all the things you’d expected to talk about with Liu Kang that night, it hadn’t been that. You supposed it was important.

“I…” His hand was still on your chin and as you opened your mouth to speak his hand moved with you. He searched your face and then carefully dropped his hand. You were grateful that he had. The overstimulation had been insane. The air between you when you were that close was so thick that it was often difficult to breathe, nonetheless talk. With his hands on you, it was only that much worse. “Yeah, that’s… I was still sick, but it was because I saw things. So, if what you’re asking is if this was the first time that I saw something like that? Then no. When I was a kid, it came on very suddenly.”

“Same symptoms? The clotting? Passing out?”

“Yeah. It was something I dealt with then but when I turned twelve it went away and… I haven’t thought about it in years before this.” You felt suddenly nervous. His face was flooded with concern and he was the one to now avoid your eyes. Your stomach twisted into knots made of guilt and frustration.

“Were you not going to tell me? Or… anyone? The doctors in the infirmary had no idea.”

“I’m sorry.” You couldn’t avoid the blame. It hadn’t been on purpose. You would have brought it up if you had thought it were a possibility. “I hadn’t thought about in so long that when I started having issues here? I didn’t think of it immediately. When Kung Lao’s hat tore up my side? Yeah, it briefly crossed my mind. But Liu, listen.” You scooted closer to him, closing the small gap between you. You took his hand where the beads were wrapped around his palm and held it between both of yours. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t owe me an apology, Y/N.”

“Yes, I do.” You insisted. “It was stupid and selfish of me. It’s going to sound silly, but I felt that by saying something about it, it would be like willing it into existence.” You let go of his hand and felt your chest ache with guilt. “And yet… here we are. And here it is. Back. I should have said something. I just kept hoping that it was anything else.”

“Words only have so much power,” he whispered.

“For three years of my life, Liu, I saw things beyond my control, beyond predictability. It made me so sick that I thought I would never recover. I couldn’t go to school; my parents wouldn’t even let me stay at home anymore. I felt hopeless. Powerless. I was foolish to think that not saying anything would change the truth and I’m sorry.”

“I’m not upset with you, Y/N. I’m just worried.” He urged you again to look up at him, finger hooked again under your chin. Worry was still very much present in his eyes, but so was determination. That was better than just the one. “You aren’t powerless. And you aren’t a child. You’re strong. No one is sending you away. You’re not alone anymore.” He urged his hand over your jaw and rested it against your cheek. It was warm and you couldn’t resist leaning into his touch. “You have me.”

“I do.” You closed your eyes. Each of his fingers were placed with purpose, his thumb carefully brushing over your cheek. “And Kung Lao.”

“And Kung Lao.” Liu said so with a sigh. You caught his gaze. There were volumes he didn’t say but you couldn’t argue that he had secrets. You had a thousand things you weren’t saying either. Things that you weren’t ready to say. Maybe he felt the same way. You almost asked him what was happening. Should you be putting a stop to this closeness? Or to Kung Lao’s obvious flirtation? Should you focus on figuring out what the tug between you meant or sorting out your mixed-up feelings for Kung Lao? Instead, you stayed lost in his eyes and savored the touch of his strong hand on your cheek.

Before you said anything you had to at least sort out your thoughts. It wouldn’t be fair to put that on Liu to decide for you. you had no idea what was happening in your head or your heart and now with the added trauma of your childhood illness returning more dangerous than ever, you owed it to them both to figure it out yourself.

“Y/N?” He asked with some concern in his voice. His other hand rested on your other cheek and his dark eyes searched yours with worry. His eyes traced over your face and returned to your gaze. You exhaled, not realizing that you had been holding your breath. You really had to stop getting lost in your head like that, especially since Liu Kang no longer seemed shy about touching you. You rested your hand over his on your cheek. Your hands were dwarfed in comparison.

“Are you okay, Liu?”

He laughed in surprise and his worry faded. “Me? Really?”

“Yes, you!” You took one of his hands away from your cheek and grasped it with both of yours again.

“I’m fine, Y/N. You spaced out and I’m starting to worry that the blood loss may be worse than we thought.” He teased, his heart-shaped lips curving into a smile.

“I heard you tell Raiden that my arcana attacked you.”

“It did.” His smile didn’t fade. He almost seemed proud of it. “Knocked me clear across the pit. Nearly lost consciousness.”

“What?” Your stomach dropped.

“Yes, but I’m fine, Y/N. It was mostly impressive.” He smiled reassuringly but you were still horrified that you’d hurt him so terribly without knowing. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m fine, really.”

“Did you get it looked at? Are you sure that you’re okay? I can’t believe that I attacked you.”

“I did, of course. It would be hypocritical of me not to. It’s just a bruise, I promise.” He assured you. “And I don’t think you were attacking me, Y/N. I think that whatever you experienced, your arcana was trying to protect you from it. Raiden thinks that it’s whatever shadow that has been cast over your gift. Your arcana lashes out to keep you safe, but it cannot attack a shadow, so it attacked me.”

“Just a bruise? You promise?”

“Yes, I promise. I’ll give you proof if you need it. You were really this worried about me?”

“Yeah, well, a little bit.” You were a terrible liar and Liu cocked an eyebrow in amusement that you’d even tried to lie. You’d been dwelling on his well-being since you’d heard him tell Raiden. “Fine, it’s been eating me alive. Happy?”

“I’m perfectly fine, Y/N.” He touched your cheek again and then sat upright and untied the red sash around his middle. You turned your gaze away from his hands immediately. He set the sash aside and pulled open his shirt so that you could see the purple and blue bruising on his stomach, spreading over his side and under his arm. You covered your mouth and gasped in horror. You’d done that? He laughed in surprise at the look on your face. “No! It’s fine, Y/N, this was supposed to comfort you, not make it worse. It doesn’t even hurt.”

“Liu, that’s the biggest bruise I’ve ever seen.” You almost touched it but then retracted your hand. You didn’t want to make it worse. Instead, you peered around him to see how far it extended over his side. He lifted his arm to show you. It stopped there, thankfully. Liu Kang then grasped your hand and very gently placed it against the bruising over his ribcage. Your breath caught in the back of your throat. He didn’t even flinch.

“It’s fine, really. It’s not as bad as it looks.” He stiffened up and watched your fingers. You brushed them just over the outside of the bruise, tracing the shape of it over his muscles. Then you pulled your hand back and held it close to your chest. Gently caressing his muscles was something you definitely didn’t mean to do but you had done it. Your heart was practically beating through your chest. There was that overstimulation again. You’d hurt Liu Kang, so much so that he had the ugliest bruise you had ever seen on another human being, even in old action movies. Then he had basically stripped just to show you that he was okay. Then, you’d kind of felt him up, fascinated by the bruise and his physique. He hadn’t been shy about his body, so it probably didn’t bother him. He’d made it quite clear that he was comfortable shirtless. “Y/N, I’m fine. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“I could have killed you.”

“Not easily.” Liu smiled and you looked aside, embarrassed. “Really. I only showed you to try and relieve your worry. If it had done any real damage then my ribs would be broken, Y/N. It’s superficial. I wouldn’t tell you that I was fine if I didn’t mean it.”

“You’re sure?”

“Trust me, Y/N.”

You did. You trusted him and so you would convince yourself that, while you had attacked him, he really was okay. You owed that to him. “Okay, Liu. I’m still sorry that I hurt you, but I trust you to know your own limits.”

“Y/N, if I hadn’t been there then who knows what would have happened to you? A little bruise is worth that.” He left his shirt hanging open and then gestured to the desk, but you interrupted him.

“That is not a little bruise. It is, in fact, the biggest bruise that I have ever seen in my whole life and I was a martial arts teacher before this.”

“It’s fine. I promise.” He laughed and grabbed the book and journal they’d been writing in. You caught sight of the flower falling to the side. “Are you up for studying? Or… does that seem trivial in comparison?”

“No!” You said too quickly and then laughed at yourself. “Honestly, I was thinking earlier how much I’ve missed it. So, I would like that. Very much.” It did seem a little trivial but not in a bad way. It was a good and simple thing to do. A simple grounding thing amongst all the complicated nonsense.

“I’m glad.” He seemed relieved and slipped further back on your bed, resting his back against the wall just below the window. You scooted back to join him, taking the journal from his hands. He opened the book and read from where you’d left off, stopping every so often to describe something with more clarity or to share a story. You asked questions when appropriate and every so often you made a terrible joke and stopped to laugh and share a personal story of your own. You took notes but mostly held the journal in your lap and listened. His careful, calm, and kind voice was familiar and comforting and you had missed it.

You shivered and Liu took the blanket from the bottom of your bed and draped it over your legs and his own. He scooted just a tad closer to you and much to your surprise, he slipped his arm right around your shoulder, hand brushing over your other arm to warm you. He knew exactly what he was doing, and you smiled but avoided his eyes that were boring a hole into you all the while. He returned to reading quickly, arm still around you, hand on your shoulder, thumb gently caressing your skin.

You rested your head on his shoulder and listened, abandoning your quest to take notes in the journal. His voice reverberated through his body and into yours and it gave you the shivers again.

“Are you okay?” He whispered, resting a finger on the page to mark his spot. You lifted your head from his shoulder and offered him a sleepy nod. He was already close, but his eyes searched your face, and he drew ever closer. His fingers brushed over your jaw and down the side of your neck. You held your breath as he seemed to consider words and then abandon them. Instead, he returned your tired nod. You caught his gaze on your lips, his own parting just slightly, the corners tugging into a soft smile before he turned back to the book.

Oh yeah, he definitely knew what he was doing but you didn’t mind it either. He went back to reading, pushing half of the book into your lap as he did. You held the left corner of the book for him on instinct. You’d read books this way with your sister, but never with anyone who made your heart race the way Liu Kang did.

You closed your eyes to focus only on the melody of his voice but drifted instead to sleep.

[mxgilray]

Loki Season 1 Thoughts

Overall, I really liked this series. It has some issues without question, but I sincerely don't think it's the dumpster fire so many viewers on this site treat it as. Did it go how I expected? Not at all? Did I enjoy the heck out of it and look forward to it every Wednesday? Hell yeah!

Loki's Good Guy Personality

A big complaint many have had with it is how much Loki's demeanor has changed and how his emotional growth feels rushed or his personality is ooc. Truth is, he saw his entire future, saw what his angry, power hungry, I-work-alone persona would get him in the end, and it snapped him back to reality. He has always been shown to be quite emotional and craving attention and lacking in self assurance, it's just in the past movies he's masked it with violence and fake narcissism, and he's always been a secondary character so his perspective is rarely shown. But if you really pay attention it's obvious he isn't truly villainous; we all know that, it's largely why he has such a huge fan base.

Right after meeting Mobius, Loki got an infodump of his future, saw his parents both die, found out that free will means jack shit, and learned he's absolutely powerless in this realm. On top of that, this is 2012 Loki, fresh off of being under Thanos' control, suddenly being shown that the guy who controlled him is going to end up killing him. Frankly,, I think it all broke Loki. He was too shook up by it all and by the sheer helplessness he found himself in at the TVA that he let all his barriers down momentarily. Just long enough for him to open up to Mobius about his motivation and his lack of self confidence. And you know what I bet? Loki felt relieved after talking to Mobius. A weight was lifted, because he bore his heart to someone and wasn't rejected or laughed at or treated like a psycho. And after letting his walls down fully, Loki didn't feel the need to put all of them back up. He stayed guarded around other people, but he didn't need to pretend around Mobius. Mobius has seen under the mask, so Loki doesn't feel pressure to perform as an all knowing, all powerful God around Mobius. That freedom is life changing.

People who gravitate towards broken, pseudo-villain characters do so because we relate to their internal conflict, their mental illness, their need to fake it around everyone close to them. Their turmoil and depression and self destructive behavior are familiar and we see ourselves reflected in their actions. Now, when a person really truly let's their guard down, drops all their layers of facade, and embraces themself, they tend to change demeanor and even personality pretty drastically. It's jarring in real life, so of course when it happens to a fictional character who you usually relate to it is going to be jarring, maybe even more so because it feels like a change you yourself would never go through. I know this sounds bad and people might get at me for it, but...

I believe the issue here is that a large part of Loki's fan base doesn't want him to get better. They don't want him to move past his mental illness, to learn how to cope with anger and disappointment in healthier ways, to be happy. They like his damaged persona, they like the internal conflict. Maybe it's because they're still at that low place themself and feel like a relatable character is getting taken away from them, maybe it's because they don't understand how much being at peace with yourself can alter a person and to them it feels like he's been changed too much. To those of us mostly on the up and up from battling depression and mental illness, it's comforting to see Loki getting a chance to be genuinely happy and accepting of himself.

Sylki and Lokius

First things first, I'm not anti anything. Ship what you want, idc. Personally, I do not see the Sylki dynamic as romantic, but I get why people read it that way. I thought the series did a good job of showing unrequited love, namely Loki falling for Sylvie and Sylvie feeling zero romance towards him. This was aware of his attraction and in the end used it as a distraction so she could get the upper hand. The show played up the potential romance because we are viewing things from Loki's perspective and he's become smitten as a kitten. I do think in the long run they'll have a more sibling-like dynamic, one Loki realizes that you can feel extreme love and care for a person without it being romantic. I enjoyed how the show explored their relationship, though I do wish they hadn't had every character under the sun mention their moment on Lamentis-1 like it was some big deal to bond with someone you're about to die with.

I'm bitter towards the development of Lokius. It had a strong start in the beginning, and in ep 5 had some potential reignited, but then they had Mobius not know who Loki is at the end. I'm still hoping they're playing the long game with this ship and that it'll come to fruition partway through season 2. The chemistry is there, and Mobius knows Loki very intimately and isn't put off by his past. Loki also feels much more at ease around Mobius than he does around Sylvie. It's the comfort of a deep loving bond with Mobius verses the nervousness of a new crush that he feels for Sylvie.

I don't think Loki is quite aware of his feelings for Mobius, simply because it's based in friendship and mutual respect and isn't a hot and heavy lust. Plus, as soon as he was away from Mobius he was thrown into a near death experience with Sylvie and developed a surface crush during their heart to heart. Since Loki's still figuring out what genuine feelings are beyond anger and sadness, he sees the simplistic crush he has on Sylvie as love and the intimate bond he's been forming with Mobius as friendship. He doesn't understand his own feelings yet, but I think he'll figure it out next season. I mean, he was probably already rethinking his feelings for her after she kissed and betrayed him, mentally kicking himself for expecting her to not pull a Loki betrayal like he would've in the past.

The Time Variance Authority

I really like the concept of the TVA, the structure of it, the methods they use, the deeply fucked way they recruit employees, the cult like motto, shady Miss Minutes who is definitely playing her own long game, and the blind acceptance TVA agents have of the Time Keepers' will. It's all very well done... until your dig into the core, aka He Who Remains. They built up the idea that the Time Keepers created the TVA to prevent a multiverse war and that they created agents to enforce their will. Then the creating agents turned out to be fake, the Time Keepers were fake, I expected the reason for the TVA's existence to be fake to. It felt too simple to have it genuinely exist just to keep the multiverse in check. Why the anonymity, unless it's to keep from having agents target and prune versions of himself which.. songs like a decent solution. HWR made it sound as though the multiverse war was just a bunch of versions of himself screwing shit up, so why isn't the TVA's focus on eradicating every other variant of this guy? Sounds a lot easier and nicer than fucking with the free will of every other living being. So either Marvel made a bad call when choosing what HWR's motive was for creating the TVA, or he was lying about it all to cover up something sinister.

Overall Storyline

I'm fairly happy with the plot as a whole. There were some pacing issues and I think a few missed chances for deeper conversations between various characters. While I enjoyed the Loki variants, I honestly would've been happier seeing Tom playing most the variants (except Kid Loki and Classic Loki since they are clearly different age ranges). If there is supposed to be one sacred timeline, it seems off to me that Lokis would be allowed to vary so extremely without it causing a nexus event(an alligator, whose nexus wasn't that he's an animal who obviously can't do any magic much less command Thanos' army, but that he ate someone's cat) and not just in appearance but in life path (ie boastful Loki collected all the infinity stones but it wasn't till he had 6 that he caused a nexus event even though him gaining control of the Soul, Power, and Time stones should've each caused nexus events since on the sacred timeline he never interacts with those 3 and taking any one of them would've fucked up a lot of other timeline parts)

I love the display of Lokis raw power, and 2012 Loki coming to the realization that he's way more powerful than he ever thought. And it wasn't just Classic Loki who spent thousands of years alone honing his skills, 2012 Loki reversed time on a goddamn falling building! I also liked the small magic, the fireworks, the tablecloth blanket, Loki yanking Sylvie away from HWR with just magic.

As someone who is both bisexual and genderfluid, I would've really loved more concrete representation. The comment about there never being another female Loki hit me in the gut; it undermined the Easter egg "Sex: Fluid" on Loki's TVA file. With how big a deal Sylvie being female was made out to be throughout the season, I expected her gender to play a key role in taking down the head of the TVA, like it was foretold that only a female Loki could end it all or some shit.

I don't mind the idea of Loki finding love in a straight passing relationship. I don't even mind the selfcest all that much. It just feels so obvious to me that Sylvie is written as not having any romantic inclination towards Loki, while Mobius is clearly written as falling in love with someone he shouldn't and trying to maintain an heir of professionalism to keep from wrecking his bond with Loki. I really really hope they come through on season 2 and give Lokius the canon relationship and proper representation they deserve.

Mmkay I thinks that's all the thoughts I've got right now. If you've been feeling cheated or clowned by how things went this season, maybe my perspective of things can help ease your pain.