#maybe the energy or the god or something that created us put us here because they seeked for a meaning so desperately

[v-67]

And you know, sometimes I think, humans were created just so that we could create things that would even surprise god. Or a spiritual energy.

Imagine creating a being, who evolved, created more things. Things such as humans, fictional characters, Stories, AI, Tv shows.

So many timelines within a world, trying to understand the cosmos

Giving the world a meaning, so many meanings.

Maybe god/spiritual energy asked the question, what is universe

And they created humans

And humans gave them an answer to what is universe

And so many answers

In so many forms

In so many beings

That every speck of a thing we see, we name it, we talk about it, we create a life within it.

.....

Had a conversation with someone and sometimes I surprise myself

Took a part of it out and posted this because it makes sense to me.

[the-heart-of-a-monster]

PUTTING THE NEW PAGE INTO THIS ASK AS WELL FOR GHE FIRST TIME BECAUSE THERE IS A LOT TO TALK ABOUT WITH THIS PAGE SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME HERE

Ima start with the first panel because there’s already so much in that one single panel and it is gonna drive me nuts!

So first up, we have “Secret” Chaotix meeting room. Yes, this place is apparently being kept a secret from the public eye. This could be due to the Chaotix having to handle a bunch of super deep and disturbing cases that, if allowed to spill out into the public, would be catastrophic! Not in the sense that it would destroy the world or anything like that, but it’d certainly ruin their reputation as detectives! Don’t detectives irl have these kinds of cases too…? Or maybe I’m thinking too hard on this and it’s just the place they meet with their friends whenever Eggman does something stupid? Who knows.

I do know though that it looks beautiful and it looks like they’re actually in a room which, as an amateur artist myself, can only dream of achieving!! It looks so cool! I just… I adore your backgrounds and I can tell you put a lot of love and effort into making them, so please give yourself a pat on the back!

And maybe I’m reading too much into a single panel.

But that’s not all that we get to see!!! (No I’m not talking about the Chaotix even though I REALLY wanna talk about the Chaotix cuz they deserve more love and I’m so glad they’re here THANK YOUUUUUUUU) YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, SONIC IS FULLY CONVERTED TO DARK GAIA SONIC LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Well not fully converted, but we can clearly see that it’s taking a huge toll on his body! Not only are the markings now visible on him during the day, but it also seems to be siphoning his energy…? Kind of…? I mean, Sonic has been out cold since “Killing” Omega, and usually he wouldn’t be so out of it otherwise. And I can see a little tiny X over his Gaia eye, so… I’m not too sure, but what I am sure of is that this is BAD for Sonic. The poor guy is gonna have to deal with not only being corrupted during the day, but also at night, and that cannot be good for his psyche. It was bad enough when he had to be in a completely new body for just the nighttime, but now it’s for both day and night in its own way, and… Gosh, this is gonna be torture for Sonic once he wakes up.

Okay now onto the actually lore panels because there is so much to uncover but BEFORE WE GET INTO THE LORE PARTS OF ALL THAT LEMME JUST POINT OUT HOW PISSED SHADOW LOOKS IN THE SECOND PANEL BRO LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO PUNT CHIP INTO THE SUN FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER AND HE IS JUST SO OVERPROTECTIVE OF SONIC IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY I LOVE THIS ANGSTY EDGY BOY SO MUCH BUT I WANNA KNOW WHAT IS GOING THROUGH HIS HEAD RIGHT NOW WHY IS HE GLARING DAGGERS AT CHIP WHAT DID THIS LITTLE CREECHUR EVEN DO TO YOU SHADZ

Okay back to the lore-

So, im still gonna call Light Gaia as Chip because I still see a cute adorable fluffy fairy in those big brown eyes and I think he deserves a real name. Anyhow, Chip now is aware of him being a literal god. He says he regulates the day and Dark Gaia regulates the night. This kind of makes sense. Chip handles the sun and DG handles the moon. Think Luna and Celestia from MLP. And similar to those two as well, Dark Gaia got out of control like Luna did and created an eternal night. But this doesn’t really explain the planet splitting into a million giant pieces. (Not literally a million) Nor does it explain Chip losing his memory. Chip claims that whenever one of them falls out of line, the other will be there to pull them back together. Does this mean Chip or Dark Gaia have lost their memory before? Have the events of Unleashed happened before? How do they reign the other in?

These questions are probably gonna get answered in the next page lmao what am I doing-

Everything else is kinda sorta spelled out to us which I think is a good thing, since Chip is, in the story, explaining all of this to a group of people who had no idea about any of this for their entire lives. The poor Chaotix just got roped into this, they just want their pay. So with that in mind I don’t know what else to really cover…? Maybe I’ll notice something later on and just start spamming you with questions, who knows. For now I’m SUPER DUPER EXCITED FOR THE NEXT PAGE LET’S GO THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN CANNOT WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK

hell yeah do look out for the new page on monday :3 i love ur little big analysis its always the highlight of my week to see one

btw this goes out to evecryone but the whole scene has a lot of moments for everyone else than sonic and shadow so we are winning

[sciderman]

As another blog who accidentally got following for funny jokes and content creator by god you summarized how creating content feels on Tumblr nowadays. Like,

No one interacts but at the same time they'll complain that there's no updates, they'll complain that you disappeared but even if you post something no one interacts with. They treat as if people who post things about fandom are just there to be some kind of machine will post something to make them laugh and then reblog in silence.

There's no feedback, there's no community, and it feels weird like some kind of big brother. Where you spend your time and energy making something and then people throw you a like and you're just like blind??? 'Do they still like it?' 'am I doing it wrong?' 'did I lose the flow?' But nope. It seems like every person who makes something in this plataforma feels a different variation of that. And feels so weird talking about it as if you're 'seeking attention' and being too 'hungry' about it. But what are we supposed to do...? Just put our heart and souls by a grand majority that won't take a second to say something and just like and maybe reblog as if you're some advertisement?

Feels weird. I am sorry you feel like that too Sci, your ask-blog is great and you spent a lot of energy co-creating with people and using your creativity. I don't blame you for feeling demotivated. That's a weird era to be in where people don't know how to differentiate that there's someone behind a blog and nor a major corporation that will put something they're interacting or not. Very weird.

it's so very universal, i've seen it all the places, everywhere. i know it's not just a me thing... it's kind of honestly just the way the world operates now. running the blog really did used to give me such an excited feeling to be building this story with other people who were invested and everyone had a hand in pushing wade and peter into all kinds of directions and it was so, so gratifying. and when i left i was still craving that interaction - i wanted to create an interactive instagram account, but i kind of figured it wouldn't work, because the platform just isn't good for it.

something that's largely been absent from my life is community, y'know. it's so difficult to find it, in the city. and i kind of found it through the blog. but online communities feel like something that's dying too. nobody wants to be communal. i've had so many interactions where people are taken aback that i'm just some dumb, tired little human. i'm a tired human who made spider-man comics because it got me friends on the internet. i don't make money doing this. i do it for friends. i... sighs. i miss so many people that used to be around but they're not here anymore. i miss how it used to feel. i don't think i can get it back. i don't know where i can look now, but i don't think i'm going to find whatever i'm looking for here. i guess it's like - i know i have to leave the city because the city makes me feel small and lonely. and maybe i have to leave the internet too. it makes me feel small and lonely.

[idontknowreallywhy]

A little more Birthday fluff for the flyboy.

A glimpse into the future because I’m adamant he must have a happy one. I didn’t actually get time today to write the main part I intended but I shall post now in case I never manage to get there!

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

Objectively, Eleven was clearly the best ‘bird.

She was 6-mach faster than One, more manoeuvrable than Shadow and could carry more than her fair share of weight, even if it wasn’t as much as third-generation-turtle Twelve could.

And Scott had flown her like a second skin… he’d been far more involved in Eleven’s design than he had of IR’s original fast response craft. And of course he’d been the primary test pilot, putting more than a few grey hairs on Brains’ and Virgil’s heads in the process. Not to mention his wife’s. He smiled wryly to himself at the memory of the incredibly loud dressing down he’d received post a certain test flight… which had been closely monitored from the island right up until he’d tried out the high speed air to water transition Brains hadn’t fully stress-tested yet and the comms had gone offline for a few minutes. Or ten.

Half an hour at most.

The smile broadened to a grin as he recalled the aftermath of that particular argument… and, Well. Even if six children hadn’t quite been the plan, Scott had really needed to objectively exceed his father’s record at *something*… so… all’s well that ended well.

But Eleven had always been his eldest daughter’s bird.

And the extra machs were irrelevant now. Ever since the the appointment shortly after his 70th birthday when the doctor had forbidden him from exceeding Mach Five. Slower than Two for goodness sakes. His immediate objections had been silenced by a very clear indication that the doctor’s baseline opinion was that it wasn’t wise for a septuagenerian to exceed the speed of sound at all.

Lest he make any fuss that might get back to Virgil… or god forbid IR’s current commander in chief, whose precise combination of his wife’s and his own genes mildly terrified him even now… he nodded meekly. He’d only bent the rules a couple of times in the 5 years since. Maybe three…

Or four.

Eight at most.

Anyway, he’d always maintain One was best: she’d always have an important place in his heart - his first great love.

Which is why, at the newly attained age of 75, as he stood staring moodily out of the lounge window awaiting Eleven’s return to the hangar beneath the pool, his second slipped her hand into his and quietly towed him towards the transport tunnels over to Mateo. The cavern which used to house the old back-up generator, redundant since the island had made the switch to fully renewable energy sources, had been expanded to create a new hangar. It was here the older ‘birds nested quietly, awaiting their occasional moment in the sun as back up to the younger generation.

Nothing was said on the journey, she just squeezed his hand and he squeezed it back. Scott helped her out of the little pod, and he led the way this time to where his pride and joy towered over them, gleaming silver and blue as she ever had. Scott paced an inspection circuit around the base, pausing to buff a smudge from one of the stabilisers with a shirt sleeve. His wife followed, gripping his hand ever so tightly and, he suspected, appraising him as minutely as he was assessing the ship.

Satisfied with what he saw, Scott stood back and smiled up at One, rather fancying she was smiling back down at him. The hand suddenly slipped out of his and he frowned, missing its warmth immediately but his concern was assuaged when both arms wrapped around him from behind and she propped her chin up on his shoulder to whisper in his ear:

“So, Flyboy, are you going to take me for a ride today?”

TBC?

[mysticarts]

♤ The Moutain of Water ♤ A LMK MINI FANFIC

(AKA, how Hui and Tai met Shuimu)

(Note: this takes place during the first season of LMK!)

"Wait, why are we here again?" Hui Ying asked, following her brother, Tai, as they walked through a empty and freezing cave, the sound of a waterfall being apparent.

"Auntie Yujin said that there was a power energy of a demon God here. We're investigating it" Tai answered casually, still walking throughout the mountain, observing its surroundings.

There was few trees on the surface, letting the shining sunlight through. However despite the sunlight being present in the mountain, there was a sense of lost hope and sadness that hung throughout the air of the mountain. As there was no animals, or grass. Just plain stone

"Oddly enough, I can't sense any demons around here yet" Tai commented, putting his hands into his jacket pockets.

Hui Ying sighed. "Atleast this made us go outside! It's healthy for us...." Hui Ying then decided to walk towards the noises of the water fall, her steps echoing throughout the mountain.

As hui Ying got closer to the waterfall noise, she stopped in her tracks when she saw almost a curtain made out of leaves, surrounding the curtain where two stone pillars, having a symbol of ocean waves.

Hui Ying walked up too one of the pillars, observing it before taking out her camera from her bag and taking a picture of it. When the photo came out of the camera, Hui Ying took the photo and waved it side to side before putting it away in her bag.

"Hey, Tai, I found something over here!" Hui Ying called out, getting the attention of her brother.

"What is it?" Tai asked walking to over hui Ying was, only to freeze in his tracks when he saw the two stone pillars with the leaf curtain. Tai's expression quickly turned from relaxed to cautious.

"Let's be careful. Something like this here may imply someone was or lives here...." Tai stated, quickly making a trident out of light before going through the leaf curtain, with Hui Ying following behind.

When Tai and Hui Ying walked through the leaf curtain, it only revealed a waterfall. They where behind the waterfall. The room was only illuminated by the light coming from the water fall. Yet, even though it was just a simple waterfall they where behind, the air of sadness and dread increased.

"Huh.....nothing" Hui Ying commented, looking around as she rubbed her arms in discomfort.

"No, not nothing.....something Is here. We just need to unlock it" Tai corrected, still looking at the waterfall. Tai turned his trident made out of light to just an orb, and held it out in front of the water fall.

Hui Ying looked at Tai and nodded, taking a deep breath in and out. Unlike Tai, hui still wasn't as good with her powers yet since her past teachers told her that she wouldn't need to use them in her life. But this was the Mortal realm, not the Celestial one. With that, Hui Ying created a small blue orb of lighting, and held it out in front of the water fall aswell.

Suddenly, the orbs slowly turn into some kind of sigal design, with one of them being a lotus, and the other being a crown shaped headpiece, similar to the headpiece Wukon was known for. Slowly, the mountain began to shake as bubbling water then could be heard from the middle of the mountain.

"..alright maybe that wasn't such a good idea" Tai commented as he turned his head in the direction of the noise of bubbling water.

"You think!?" Hui Ying yelled in reply before running out of which she came, running towards the center of the mountain in panic.

When hui Ying at the center of a mountain, she saw a large snake creature, made out of water with perishing red eyes. At the end of the water snake's tail was blood red water. However, it was only moments before Tai shined a bright light in the Snake's eyes, letting it drop to the floor. Hui Ying snapped her head to Tai.

"Why the hell did you do that!?" Hui Ying asked

Tai rolled his eyes. "Easy, because that wasn't some Celestial creature, that's the form of a demon." Tai stated, pointing to where the snake had collapsed.

Hui Ying turned her head back to see a woman around Tai's age lay on the same spot the snake collapsed, the woman had torn up, raggedy clothes, with her black hair disheveled except some of it tied up in a bun.

"You.....we just unleashed a demon from their prison huh?" Hui Ying said, dread filling her voice as the dread and sadness in the air of the mountain started to clear.

"Yep. I'm surpsied that it needed two people to unlock her. She must have been a problem back then if two people where needed to seal this woman away" Tai replied indifferently. Tai knew more things about humans and Demons did than Hui Ying, and he always took pride In it.

The Woman on the floor then took a almost dramatic gasp of air as she quickly sat back up. The woman had long, white, tear drop like eyelashes with dark blue eyes. By the looks of it, the woman hasn't slept for centuries.

The Woman noticed Tai and Hui Ying and quickly backed away defensively into a corner, glaring at the both of them with contempt but also fear.

"Hey, calm down ma'am, we mean no harm...." Tai stated, his voice being gentler than it usually is in hopes to calm the disheveled woman down.

"Who are you two? And why....why can't I remember anything??....." The woman snapped back in reply, a sense of dread in her last words.

Hui Ying and Tai glanced at each other in worry before Hui Ying took a step forward.

"I'm hui Ying, and this is my brother Tai. We are the ones who kind of....unlocked you from....wherever you where...." Hui Ying explained slowly and gently, not wanting to scare her. "You said you can't remember anything. Do you need some help?-"

"Shuimu" The Woman stated, her body language slowly becoming calm as she stood back up.

"What?" Hui Ying asked in confusion

"My name is Shuimu"

Feel free to ask questions!

[amnestria-the-elf]

If you're not one of the estimated 30 million people worldwide to experience PMDD, let me try to describe it to you.

The world loses its color, completely without warning. You realize something is off, but you're tired AF and your brain barely works so you pour yourself your morning hot beverage of choice to try to shake it off. Your usual breakfast tastes like sawdust and you attempt to choke it down while you scroll on your phone looking hopelessly for something that might fill the empty void that has settled in your chest while your morning beverage grows cold and untouched next to you.

You sit on the edge of your bed and stare blankly at the wall for an undetermined amount of time. Maybe you drum up the energy to take a shower, but if you're like me and work from home you just think "fuck it" and change out of your PJs and into your daytime sweats, because nothing matters anyway.

Your family/roommates/coworkers/every goddamn living creature on Earth annoy the hell out of you. "Irritable" hardly begins to describe your behavior. Think "Embrace Durge" levels of murderous rage, combined with enormous amounts of sensory overload. You want nothing more than to lie in bed in a dark, quiet room, for exactly forever, because nothing matters anyway.

That's when the intrusive thoughts come in. You're The Worst Human Alive. Everything you've ever created is garbage. You should delete your fics, burn your art, throw away your laptop/tablet/colored pencils and never, ever, ever create anything ever again because the world deserves better than to be subjected to the flaming pile of shit that you put out into it. Such thoughts might make you weep uncontrollably, they might make you scream in rage, or they might make you feel completely dead inside. Maybe you cycle through all three, and end up completely wrung out, laying in a heap on your bed, because again, nothing matters anyway.

Basic functioning becomes difficult. Simple things like brushing your teeth sap your energy; forget answering emails or Slack messages, or god forbid getting on a Zoom call. Things that would have once felt like fun challenges now feel like impossible obstacles that you will never surmount. You won't even bother trying, because- and I can't stress this enough- nothing matters anyway.

Maybe you're lucky enough to have had enough therapy to recognize the warning signs and are able to see that you are In A Dark Place. The thing about Being In a Dark Place, though, is that knowing you're in it in no way helps you get out of it. Imagine that you walked into a giant, brightly lit warehouse, and then someone spun you around a bunch of times and then suddenly cut the lights. You might say, "Wow, this is A Dark Place." You might remember vaguely where the door was and try to head in that direction. You might even make some progress, but it won't be because you know that you're in A Dark Place. The knowing doesn't change it. At best, the knowing is a reminder that perhaps you should use the many tools at your disposal, or Accept Help.

Accepting Help is one of the hardest things you can do when you are In A Dark Place because- let's not forget- nothing matters anyway. Help does not always come from a licensed therapist, though if you're fortunate enough to avail yourself of such Help, I highly recommend you do so. Help might come from a partner who sees that you're In A Dark Place and sits with you until you're ready to move out of The Dark Place. Help might come from your group chat. Help might even come from this random stranger in this little corner of the internet who is here to tell you that Things Do Matter, and that the world is better because you are in it, and that I know what Being In A Dark Place feels like, too.

Now imagine that you go through this Dark Place once a month. When your menstrual cycle begins, it's as if a veil is lifted off of your brain and the Dark Place goes away, and you see it for what it is: your hormones once again waking up and choosing violence. 75% of the time, you're totally fine. No intrusive thoughts, the things you create are beautiful and lovely and you want the world to see them, and if you're not a delight to be around you're at least not A Horrible Person. The other 25% of the time, you become someone else. Your life comes screeching to a halt while you're flailing about in A Dark Place, not to mention that you gained what feels like 45 pounds, your face is covered in acne despite the fact that you're a grown-ass adult, you have a perpetual headache, and your boobs hurt. Like, a lot.

I wish I knew a way to help those who might read this and find their experience mirrors mine. (Yes, I have tried meditation. Please suggest literally anything else.) I think the best I can do is reiterate what I said before: Things Do Matter, and the world is a better place because you're in it. Do not let the Dark Place lie to you about that.

Also, I hear that certain vitamins are supposed to help. I will report back if I have any positive movement on that front.

[shark-myths]

🍓 🥤 🌿 for the ask game!!!! <333

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

one of my favorite k facts tbh. i invented fanfiction at jesus camp with my new friend eden. we clutched each other on a hillside while a god rock band performed below, puffy with mosquito bites and illicit ideas, and whispered to one another of the members of our mutual favorite band, what if they kissed each other? we were 13 years old. camp was so in-the-middle-of-nowhere you could see the whole milky way at night, the thickness of it. the grass got wetter and wetter the longer you sat in the dark, hiding from the flashlights of your counselors. every few breaths you'd see a shooting star, til you were numb to marvel, til that was just what the night sky looked like and you expected it everywhere. it was magic and no one had ever thought of it before, boys in bands kissing. when we went home to our separate cities, i started handwriting fic (decorated with gel pen! this was the year 2003) and mailing it to her in hot pink envelopes. imagine my surprise when i discovered the internet.

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

one of my favorite fics i ever read was a girl!one direction story about squirting. here it is: you change, water sea by got2ghost

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

love this question, as someone who has struggled in the workplace to maintain the same creative energy i had access to in school.

for creativity: read. read endlessly. try to understand on a granular, sentence-and-word-level, why you like the things you like; what makes a line funny, what makes a line scary, what draws you in to a writer's style vs pushes you out of it. what do the books you can't put down have in common? read things that challenge you--long-form novels, old novels, things way outside your preferred genres. and try to have lots of experiences in the time you aren't writing. try new things! paint something, walk down a block you've never been on, look in people's windows, cook a new meal, get coffee at a new place, go for a drive, listen to someone else's favorite record, listen to a record you hate actually, go to a new store and just look around, touch fabrics, dance, have conversations, travel for no reason, watch videos on youtube about new skills you don't intend to master. READ NONFICTION, especially essays. try to avoid doing the same things you're comfortable with or things that feel easy for a whole afternoon. bury yourself in sensation. chase pleasure. let yourself play.

for writer's block: write anyway--in a journal, in your fragmented notes file with ideas, edit or polish something that's already written, get one sentence out. i like to set a timer for 20 minutes and give it a proper try (this means staying off tumblr and my phone) and then, if it doesn't lead to anything, i'm off the hook guilt-free, because i made an effort. try writing in a different notebook, with a different pen, in a different place, even in a different font on your computer. set yourself challenges like, write a 100 word story. write a specific type of poem like a villanelle. respond to a prompt or create one for someone else. if there's a part of the story--or a different story--that feels more easeful to write and you're just trying to get there, skip to that part. to be quite honest, writing in a notebook away from technology is the #1 thing that helps me just keep moving. it breaks me out of distraction and perfectionism cycles. it feels good to fill pages, even if it's with words you don't even up using.

the other part is, accept that our brains won't do what they won't do. great writing is not created by use of force. the biggest thing i have learned about myself is that if i can't write, there's something wrong. maybe the characters in my story aren't making sense, maybe the plot is boring and readers will be just as bored as i am, maybe i need to go back and rewrite something to end up in a better place for the next scene, maybe i need a week off from a story because i'm burned out on it and i should write something else or nothing at all. but most often there's not something wrong with the story--there's something wrong with my life. i don't have the time or the energy; i'm giving too much of the best parts of myself to the wrong thing; i'm trying to write at the wrong time of day for my energy level; i checked my email first and now my concentration is entirely shot; i need to work fewer hours if i want to write more; i need more help around the house if i want to write more; i need to just let it be dirty for a while and skip my chores if i want to write more, etc. figuring out what you need to actually feel like writing--learn to feel that again!--and making it possible to set other things, even important things, aside in order to write when you feel it, is so huge for me. making a commitment to the practice of writing and not the product of it. if you're doing that, you can relax. take care of yourself and fix the imbalances in your life. the ideas will come. writing is organic and we are organisms. given space and time, things will always change from how they are right now. let yourself and your creative practice ebb and flow when it needs to instead of forcing it to be something it's not.

thank you for the ask darling sorry i ranted at you for twenty fucking minutes!!!

[medusas-musings]

A Sticky Note (Tangerine x GN!Reader)

Summary: After a year and a half of Tangerine disappearing from your life, he invites you out for dinner. Angsty overtones with a tiny hint of NSFW at the end.

(A/N: This is my first Tangerine fanfiction ever, which is special to me because he’s what inspired me after my 5 year writing hiatus.) Shoutout to our collective pookie bear 🍊🧡

Downing the rest of my first glass of wine, I opened my phone again. It was about 5 minutes since Tangerine said to meet him at our old favorite restaurant: a chain Mexican restaurant around town that had cheap booze and the best street tacos around. It was obviously crowded (as any other place to eat on a friday night would be) but that’s what he’d always preferred. Any way he could blend in with a crowd and not draw attention to himself he took it. Hell, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he was already here, spying on me. 

A figure approaches the table and I already knew from the pure energy of sarcasm and intimidation it created that it was him. “‘Hey Darlin, love the hair.” He said smoothly, motioning to my hair and sitting across from me. He picked up the menu nonchalantly and I could already feel my blood rising just how it used to with him around.

“You leave me a note to dump me, ghost me for a whole year and a half, and all you can say is…love the hair?” I question him, a  storm in my eyes and lightning striking in my voice. Tangerine remained unphased as he put his menu down, glancing at me as if I was the asshole.

“Love the way you looked when you practically chugged that wine?” he tries again, this time with a mocking smile on his face. God did he know every single button to push tonight, it’s as if he had never left me in the first place. While I usually wouldn’t enjoy some asshole saying this to me, there was something about Tange that made anything to say to me sound so much more slicker and polite from his lips. “I’m sorry, Love, you know I could never handle this sorta thing.” A smile forms on his face, but I can’t make it out if it was out of narcissism over his own charm or if he truly was in hell, finally having to confront the mess he made out of me.

“Why are you here anyway? Last time I checked you moved God knows where and wiped off the planet. Do you know how much I cried about you?” I bit my tongue to stop myself from causing a scene. I couldn’t help but feel old scars opening. I took in a deep breath to stop my eyes from watering; I’ve already confessed how much control he had over me, I can’t let him think he still has any. 

“Love, I’m sorry. But with a job like mine, it was always a possibility that I would have to vanish on ya.”

“I knew you would maybe have to eventually leave me because of all that, but Jesus, a sticky note? That’s fucked.” I hiss as I lean forward, trying to keep the argument between us. It felt painful to scold him here, it’s where we always went after we resolved a fight. There would be so much lust in his eyes from across the table back then. As I look at him, there’s more of a coldness to them towards me, but there’s moments where it slips and I can see that same look again. “You didn’t answer my question.” I add because I know he won’t say anything about it.

“I was in town, thought I’d take a visit down memory lane.” He says in a casual manner, as if we were simply classmates in college that shared notes and not someone who kept a toothbrush and fresh underwear at my apartment. The morning he left, even those weren’t there anymore. I had nothing in my life to tangibly show someone that Tangerine was my boyfriend at some point. 

I get up from the table and start digging cash out of my wallet. “If you’re gonna act like this I don’t want to see you.” Before I could put the five dollar bill onto the table, he grabbed my wrist with just enough force for me to not break away.

“Look, I’m sorry, Doll, I’m fucking flounderin’ here. I’ve been thinking forever on what I’d say to you, but I always drew a blank. Can you give me a break, for once?” I look into his eyes, an unfamiliar note of sincerity in them. It was so out of character that it caused me to stay and let him try again. “It was a shit thing to do, Love. I should’ve told you in person, I handled the situation like a boy and not a man.”

I raised an eyebrow and a small smile started to make its way onto my lips. “There’s no way you just thought of that little speech.”

Tangerine smiles at me, letting out a sn exhale of humor. “That's about all I had.” He says, using his hand to smooth out his mustache, something I knew was a rare tell of him being nervous. “How have you been?” He asks, his accent sounding like a song that used to be stuck in my head.

“It’s nothing new, Diesel’s doing good. She misses you.” I say before opening a picture of the gray cat Tangerine and I picked out together. Lemon had convinced me to name her Diesel because “she looks like one” and he ended up convincing me (after all, she is a bit of an asshole) Tangerine purses his lips as he hears the name of the cat who used to cuddle into his lap as he read. I was surprised he didn’t take her with him.

“I miss you…” He says as he looks into my eyes with a warm smile. Ironically it was at the same time my frozen strawberry margarita arrived at the table, the news making me immediately take a sip from the drink.

“Are…are you fucking with me?” I ask, even though I’ve made my mind up about his answer. “What are you? Is this like a thing you do?” I cross my arms and raise my shoulders in a defensive position. His stance was a lot less confident and he hurriedly sat up going into damage mode.

“Hey Hey, I’m sorry. I really am. The biggest thing I regret is that stupid fucking sticky note.” His tone gets more aggressive as he curses his actions. “But…I couldn’t face seeing you sad. And I couldn't face me getting sad.” There’s a pause, he resonates in the confession, as if it might be the first time he confessed it to himself. “I really really fucking liked you, doll. I never wanted to break your heart, honest.” 

I can���t help but just stare at him. The usual smoothing of  the mustache fidget is now paired with a bouncing leg. To an untrained eye, this might look like a man who is just waiting for his food, but to someone who knows Tangerine, this was his equivalent to a nervous breakdown. 

“…so did you decide what you’re getting?” I ask him, picking up the menu again and glancing over to him. His face is puzzled but I shoot him a look, one that signifies I’m allowing him to have a normal dinner with me. It was a lot for him to admit any sort of weakness so I figured I might as reward it.

“Well for now I just want some fuckin booze, it’s been so long since I had the shittiest vodka ever, I miss it.” He smiles at me and I laugh at his quip. It was probably a mistake to not grill him for longer. I could’ve made him beg at my feet or give me his wallet at that point if I wanted to. But the more I look at his flawless features, the more his charm works on me, as if it’s some intoxicating aura that takes all your strength to resist. 

It’s probably a shit idea, but I think I’ll let him explain it after dinner. I curse myself knowing that he’ll tell me about it all in between our sheets as we stay up all night with pillow talk, just like we used to.

[heart-of-neptune]

Your life in a movie:

Pick whichever one you want. This one gave more guidance than I expected. I liked it.

Pile 1:

In this movie, you are a god. You hold power that can be used to create life. Your life is filled with wealth, abundance, and so much more. You have a beautiful garden in which you spend your time honing your powers and skills. You didn’t become this powerful overnight or maybe you did? No one actually knows. What I do know is that you spend a lot of time training without any expectations. You remain calm knowing that the more you practice, the better you become. You have no enemies because everyone knows you are constantly getting more and more powerful so they let you be. You train with every tool and element at your disposal, mastering each of them knowing that there is no true mastery because there is always something new to learn.

A gazelle and a wolf are guiding you at this moment. They say to pay attention to your surroundings and be sure to lead with openness and acceptance. Make your home is a place that feels good. 

Pile 2:

In this movie you have wings. Whether literal or figurative is up to you. You are able to fly in this world. Nothing can hold you back here. You are completely balanced in the spiritual and physical world due to being able to ground yourself effortlessly. You have an angelic presence in whatever way the word means to you. It is pure energy. You live your life gracefully and you are known to be strong, flexible, and adaptable. You are always looking up to the stars looking like you are far away even while your body stays planted on the ground. You inhabit both the seen and the unseen worlds at the same time and it’s almost like you are multiple beings at the same time. Your ability to be present in both worlds allows you to move through life in a state of bliss. Strangely enough, an owl and mouse are guiding you. The mouse sees all the finer details of the physical world which keeps you grounded while the owl helps you see all the things hidden in the dark. Pay attention to all the messages you receive in both the waking world and the dream world. The details the mouse points out in both will prove to be important. The owl will point out all abundances and wealth that you've yet to see. 

Pile 3:

In this movie, you are more on the still side of things. Most of your fast movement occurs on a mental and spiritual level. Your physical movements may happen on the slower end of things because you take your time to put things into action. Once you decide to do something, things happen rapidly. You are constantly shedding skin, old beliefs, and thoughts, and transforming. This is due to you being constantly inspired by either yourself or the world around you. You are always on the move whether that be physically or mentally or spiritually. You do find stillness in nature but even then you are aware that there is always movement, even in nature. Nothing remains the same forever. You rest your mind as often as needed because your ability to transform so rapidly stems from your mind. Your mind holds your power. This is how you are able to create a world you enjoy. Fireflies and butterflies surround you at this time. They guide you on a journey of inspired transformation that actually feels good and holds no discomfort for it is only filled with unlimited and unending inspiration. Trust yourself and your guides and let yourself change into what feels great.

[nietp]

CALL OUT POST: Prime

So after months (years?) of anticipation, I finally found 2 bottles of Prime, the new energy drink by Logan Paul. The only bottles I could find in France were 15€ and my dedication to the craft doesn't go that far. Today, I managed to buy 2 bottles of Prime because I wanted to give an honest review of this alpha male creation. The flavours I tried were Lime, which is usually a safe bet in the energy drink world and Ice Pop, which sounded horrible and stupid from the start. I will make a joint review for these two flavours as they don't deserve any detailed account.

Prime Lemon Lime and Prime Ice Pop: It SUCKS!!!! I can barely believe how much it sucks. I was ready to separate the art from the artist and give a positive review if it deserved it, but this is such a major scam I can only condemn both. And yeah, just like for people who buy Tesla and die in them, you could ask me: what did you expect? But unlike electric cars, energy drinks are NOT that hard to engineer!!! The fact that there are dozens of energy drink brands that basically taste the same is proof of this. So what went wrong here? I can only imagine that Logan Paul thought he was different and not like the other boys, and could change the classic recipe for something totally new and unexpected. Well maybe it's new and unexpected because it sucks and no one ever wanted this.

First problematic moment: there's no taurine in Prime. I'm honestly appalled? I don't even know what the reasoning behind this was??? I'm guessing this is basically false advertising, because Prime is sold next to other energy drinks in stores and is advertised like an energy drink, but as there's no taurine in it, it technically isn't one. I looked it up, and apparently there actually is a Prime energy drink with taurine in it, but it's not the one that's sold and advertised everywhere, so this is all just a lie. So this drink is worthless from the start. Still, as it's advertised as such, I will continue this energy drink review.

Second problematic moment: it's not carbonated. I don't know why I'd want an energy drink with no taurine and no sparkle in it. Maybe if I was someone who hated fun, pleasure and happiness?

Third problematic aspect: the taste is horrendous. The main ingredient is reconstituted coconut water, which doesn't sound very alpha male to me, and mixed with the artificial Lime flavour, it's a complete disaster. It smells exactly like dish soap. The Ice pop flavour was surprisingly marginally better, but in a way where I'd still rather drink puddle water.

Fourth problematic aspect: Mr. Logan Paul clearly wanted to imitate Monster and create a little story to put on his packaging and market his drink. I can appreciate that and I congratulate him for this endeavour. Unfortunately, you are not Monster, you can't be Monster, and you will never be Monster. The little message on the side of the drink is the sorriest little paragraph I've ever read. I quote:

"Prime was created for those that strive for iconic. To fill the void where bold, in-your-face flavor meets legendary experiences. Intense and refreshing, prime is the ultimate quencher to conquer your day. We're confident you'll live it as much as we do. Humbly, the Prime Team"

Everything about this is a) cringe b) a lie. "Strive for iconic"?????? I might be striving for it but I sure as fuck didn't find it in this bottle!!!!! What the hell does this even mean??? The flavour is NOT "in your face", it's actually not anywhere, because this bottle is actually just filled with coconut water and an absence where taurine should be.  "The void" you're trying to fill is empty for a reason. The fact that you use "legendary" earnestly in a sentence like this as if you were living in 2011 and still talked about how epic the bro-code is is painful. I GUESS you can say Prime is kind of quenching since it's 90% water? But it won't help me conquer anything without taurine in it, Logan!!!! And finally, thank god you're "humble" about it because there is nothing to be proud of in this bottle.

In conclusion, what can I say? You can think I'm a hater and I only hate this because it's the Logang!!!! Drink, but I swear that this could have been a blind tasting and I still would have despised it. To show you how magnanimous and fair I am, the only thing I can compare it to is the Zero Ultra White Monster, the only Monster I hate and can't finish. It's kind of the same taste, but worst and stupid because it has no taurine and isn't carbonated. Obviously, both Prime I tasted are hard DNF, same for my gf, who can be more forgiving that me.

This drink is a shame to the energy drink world, it doesn't deserve to be part of it, and it shouldn't exist. 0/5 stars, a mess from start to finish.

[tamelee]

random question but if you were to change ONE thing about the naruto universe (naruto, naruto shippuden, baruto), what would it be? i love reading your opinions. they're so well-put but feel free to ignore if you don't want to answer or if you've answered something similar before :)

Oh, thank you! *-* And I have before maybe? But my answer might’ve changed by now!

I’m such an idiot though, I read over the ‘Universe’ part and wrote a whole answer about what I would’ve changed about the story itself :’)!! I changed it~

Do you mean the Setting? Politics? The System? Powers? It’s hard to say what I would change because any necessary changes had to be discovered by the characters themselves. For most questions we already have answers. (Though not all are executed.) The Setting was a platform for problems and the characters caused a plot to happen which purpose was to find answers, right? On towards the great aha-moments~

To me anything ‘boruto’ isn’t included in the Narutoverse though, because it really has nothing to do with ‘Naruto’ and it’s an entirely different world where a lot of things contradicts what we knew about it and the issues about the world are forgotten and blamed on aliens because that’s easier I guess and we can keep pretending to all be happy besties because Sasuke was right and we have a common enemy 🙄

But introducing that concept in Part 2 with Kaguya and her sons is definitely something I would change. Everyone can start reading/watching 'Naruto' and understand that using Jutsu through energy from within the body is more than enough. A little exposition here and there to see how that works with the body or whenever anything new came up, was all that is needed. But even then, it wasn’t really necessary to understand the physics of it all and I bet rarely anyone really remembered the first time as I rarely see 'stamina' mentioned. Literally no one. No one ever. Not a single soul needed an explanation about some magical fruit hanging from the 'god tree' that one alien lady one day decided to eat. (I'm getting scared for Sasuke now ngl.)

It’s like watching horror movies. The ‘horror’ literally gets destroyed when they show what the mysterious and invisible antagonistic demon/ghost/killer ACTUALLY is. Give it an appearance or over-explain and you ruin all the fun. Have you seen Paranormal? That's why the first one worked despite the low rating and why the ones where they gave the ghosts a shape/body didn't. And this sorta happened with ‘Naruto’ as well. We didn't need it, nor Kaguya's sob-backstory, or the excruciatingly drawn-out Shinobi war because of it. I guess one thing that really has always annoyed me about it as well is that it made people believe that Naruto and Sasuke’s bond solely relied on fate/destiny even if that wasn't said specifically. That their feelings all of a sudden were presupposed and had nothing to do with.... the entirety of their journeys like wth! The whole point for them was to find their individuality only to say in the end that SIKE the only reason they even interacted was because they had ancient chakra clinging to them. As if all they have done didn’t matter because it wasn’t even them, it was influenced by Hagoromo's alien children. Come on now. 

So, I would remove the entire explanation about the origin of Chakra. It is perfectly fine to create a world where that just is. We don’t need to know why and neither do the characters. Shinobi are all born in a world where that is normal and no one cares about finding it out either because it doesn't even matter, IT WASN'T THE ISSUE. I would keep the real issues in the world and have them fix, acknowledge and face them all because it is the world that they’ve always known and to their knowledge always has been. Rabbit aliens be damned. 

[essaysbyciara]

unrequited but not quite.

it's lover girl hours. i have a crush that refuses to shake itself loose. so i'm going to keep writing about it. words mean things and you have to speak things into existence, right? who knows. worth a shot. likes, reblogs and comments are definitely cool with me. you can read my other essayist work here.

This feels one-sided. I know it isn’t. I feel like you get how I’m feeling. I can’t tell you how I feel and you can’t tell me what’s on your heart in return. We’re already on the same wavelength. Isn’t that how all good love stories begin? With a connection that doesn’t quite make sense to the world but does inside the worlds we’ve created inside of our minds and hearts. You get me, I get you. I get how you’re feeling, you get how I do. Only comprehended through energy. Maybe the right song hits on the playlist. 

Over and under, straight to your wonder … that’s it. 

Truthfully, I feel foolish. I’m too grown to be throwing rocks and then hiding my hands. Tossing subliminals is for the meek and weak-hearted. Either I switch lanes or get side swiped. I do like how this feels. I sometimes don’t want to know if you feel the same way. Old me –  that girl low in self-esteem, walking a straight line toward catastrophe – doesn’t want to get her hopes up. It never ends the way I want it to. I don’t often receive what my heart deserves. I’ve been wrong before. But back then, I carried false energy. Off-base about what love is, how love is supposed to feel, what love does to someone. 

It no longer feels distant. It feels possible. 

So maybe that’s why I can’t shake you. You represent the possibility of safety and empathy. 

Even in our current form, I feel your desire to want to know that I’m safe. 

Even in this thing we call us, you give a damn about me. Even if you don’t always say it. 

Not because you don’t see the value in doing so. You’re just too bashful to express it in the way you want to. 

You can tell me. I promise I won’t take it wrong. Some emotions and feelings oscillate between friendship and something more. I’ll put it in its rightful place. 

Maybe it’s a distance thing. I want it so bad to be that. The miles apart make it all feel impossible. Even though I think you’d come for me. I just think you believe that I won’t. 

I’d break every last rule for you. I really want to. Even the rules that keep me far away from all of what I feel. Fear is my idol; believing that it protects me from rejection, from scorn, from finding out that I’m indeed not good enough. From getting hurt. I know the many variations of hurt like the back of my hand. 

I don’t believe you’d hurt me. I do think that you find me to be too sensitive. Too existential. Too raw. But that’s also what is attractive to you. You can’t reproduce a woman like me even if God gave you the specs Herself. 

Maybe this is all a healthy delusion. I need to feel something about somebody’s son. The Creator’s way of reminding me that She didn’t create me as undesirable. Constant reminders that I’m worthy of love and of breaking down all of the walls. But you have your walls up and I don’t get it.  I mean I do. That empathy thing. That safety thing. 

I’m not afraid. You? 

[belethlegwen]

You are so wonderful and I hope things smooth out for you sooner rather than later. Obviously you should prioritize yourself first (god knows we all have sooo much good fic of yours to reread), but it leads me to a question I’ve been too shy to ask 👉👈 how do you feel about recursive fic about your fics/characters? Would you be ok with us sharing it with you/others, crediting you for the creation of such good characters of course? I have serious Stranding/Rescue brainworms and it’s making me want to write drabble & fluff for the first time in a long time 💕 of course it’s fine if you’d be more comfortable with me not posting it — either way, thank you soooo much for sharing this lovely world & worldbuilding & all the characters within. I will be rotating them in my head for years no matter what 🙇

Hello and good morning! Or afternoon, I'm not sure. I'm drafting this answer over a late breakfast because I got a precious day of sleeping-in and I'm still thinking deeply about it.

Firstly: I want to hug you so tight (if you were down) because this is wildly sweet and flattering, thank you so so much for reaching out at all even just about the works, but the wishes that things smooth out are highly appreciated ;-; We're looking… solid? Right now? But there's still so much up in the air and hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I won't bore you with it, it's not the reason I'm drafting this out.

ABOUT RECURSIVE WORKS [very long, read under the cut, tl:dr summary at the end]:

I would love it. I would genuinely, honestly love it, with the caveats that you laid out that proper credit would be given (thank you so much you lovely beautiful soul), that it be clarified wherever it is shared that it's based on characters/settings/storylines of the current works, but truly importantly that it would clarify that the works are actively still being written at this time.

That's my biggest hesitation, if I'm being honest. The stories are both at this time unfinished (they are all unfinished, I am a creature with heavy need to process things through writing and, quelle surprise, I am never truly finished processing anything, new shit just needs to get processed, wheeeee) and being that they're unfinished, there's a chance that any recursive work could hit on a scene/plotpoint/moment that I've already got plotted out for the future. I'm not Neil Gaiman or anything, I'm not planning to make money off of this work, so it's not my concern that you or anyone else is gonna turn around and try to sue me for stealing something or whatever-- that's not the problem. I just don't want you or anyone to feel at that point that the effort you put into something was then copied and put in the main work or something.

It's an odd situation. The odds of it actually BEING a problem I know are astronomically low, but I didn't get to where I am today without chronically overthinking everything.

I love that you have a desire to create, and I do not know who you are-- I don't know if you already have projects and characters of your own and just want to branch out with something familiar-but-new, but I want to encourage you to use this energy and focus for writing all the same. If you can put it into your own works, hell yeah, but also: yes I would be flattered if you used my dorks and their silly little worlds. It's just the concern where I'm not finished with the stories yet. I just am, again, overthinking and overworrying, likely, but if I could stop doing those things then life would presumably be easier.

I would be absolutely down for like, experimental works I believe is the best term for what I'm looking for. Characters and stories based off of my works that are wholly new. Want to write a refracted AU about Melinda and Hank in Space? Fuck yeah, yes. Though I mentioned this to Zip and they immediately told me No, We're Doing That One and we laughed about it for a hot minute, so maybe not exactly those names hahaha

I guess another question here is, if you were to put in the effort and the focus and the pride of writing something based on my characters, of a scene you had in your head, and got through the beauty and pain of creation to get it down and then put it out there, how would you feel if something similar then happened in the main work? Not the same, not based on what you did, but that similarity still there and still noticeable at least to you. Like if someone had written (before I had posted them) something similar to Melanie being involved in a Naval battle, even though I have the receipts that that arc was written in November of 2022 and only finished posting in September 2023, I don't know how they would feel to still see that like, a similar idea had been there.

On one hand, personally, I love being in the G/t community and reading other people's works when I have the spoons and focus and time to do it, because I love that something as simple as "small person falls and big person catches them" permeates the ideas so often, and what that can mean to dozens of different creators. Refracting the same light through a diamond and watching the facets all scatter it differently, etc etc. It's beautiful. It makes me happy. But that's a personal thought, and I know how deep and personal writing can be. I know how much the process of creation can mean to the individual. I don't want you to go through that, to write something beautiful even if just for yourself, and then think in some possibility later that because I did something similar I was trying to do it 'better' or whatever. It's not the case, it's never the case.

So, after chatting about this with people I love in this community (I love you Zip and Kelly <3), I think the solution is: If you want to chat with me about the like, basic bare-bones of the ideas you might have just to give me a heads up, and I can let you know if it's something that'll be in the main works soon and if I'd rather you wait on something, or if I'd go 'oh fuck yeah, go ham', I would adore to chatter away with you about it all regardless. I'd love to chatter with you about writing in general! My characters, your characters, whatever. I'm down. Please feel free to hit me up and I'll get back to you whenever I can <3

Let me know what you think! Thank you so much for the sweet message and the ask!

Cheers,

~ Belle

[TL;DR]

When it comes to recursive works I'm interested and open to them provided they're not something major/heavy I'm planning to tackle too soon in the future canon, as the works are still being written and posted. I am always down to receive DMs about writing, and would prefer to get messages about the recursive fic ideas (as vague as you'd like them to be!) just so I can give a quick yes/no on if it's something I'd rather you wait on until I can get it out myself, or whathaveyou. I don't see this being a huge problem, and if you're good for chatting then I'm positive we'll have a good time with this <3

Writing recursive fics for my existing, in-progress works means agreeing to the caveats that credit be given to me and the existing works, and clarifying when posting that the fic is not canon and the works they're referencing/possibly based on are still in progress/being written. It also means accepting that there is a chance that things tackled in your fics may be similar to things that have not yet been posted for said works.

When it comes to experimental fiction based on my characters, settings, or plot: hell yeah go full 50 Shades if you want to. File the serial numbers off of it and/or write something New Enough. It's what I did to Jonathan Swift, please feel free to do it to me hahaha.

Shortest answer: Yes, just send me a quick message first <3

[natalchartnurtures]

Venus Got A Lil' Emotional Today

Note: This post might not give you anything new if you're at an intermediate or advanced level of being on the astrology wildride :p

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Water Venus, on a good day: "My heart is a vessel of boundless compassion, where tenderness and understanding blossom. My love is like water, an endless wellspring, and I am its gentle guardian."

Why?- Arguably one of the most precious placements, in my opinion, Water Venuses on their good days truly do God's work. They give themselves unconditionally to people they love, all while ensuring they take care of themselves as well. It's nurture and emotional intelligence at its peak in a social, interpersonal interaction setting. You can truly model what the internet calls a "healthy relationship": balanced, equal, loving beyond bounds, and, of course, filled with a generous dose of passionate romance.

Speaking of romance, it is the trademark of this placement. You can romanticize anything you like—your life, struggles, or crush; anything goes. It could help you get through a lot of life's uglier situations, you know? It's kind of like your coping mechanism. But, it's your superpower—your love. The depths with which you can hold someone—be it your partner, your child, your friend, or even your own parent in need—don't matter. The subject of your affections always gets your all. That is only IF you feel comfortable with the person. That's your boundary because you love yourself pure and deep; you need to have this layer of protection so you won't be taken advantage of (which is something a lot of Water Venuses on their not-so-good days experience).

Take, for example, how someone with a Scorpio Venus maybe wouldn't like to share themselves with just anybody because you all understand that not EVERYBODY has it in them to handle all that beautiful intensity, authenticity, and expression of deep passion. Your discernment is high because your vulnerability is powerful, and the level of trust required here is immense to support the deep intimacy on the level of the mind as much as on the level of the body. Hence the thick layer of mystery and secrecy around you all, especially in romantic settings, which makes you all look even more sexy to suitors caking on the OBVIOUS physical sexiness going on like, girl, I see you.

This energy also shows up as gentle nurturing paired with a fierce sense of protection for all things you care about. Cancer Venus tends to have an instinct to fight for what has a part of your heart. Motherly instincts if you may? But this placement really marries the fighter and the lover trope; it's mind-blowing, really. Here, Venus's love could be expressed in more emotional ways such as creating a safe space for emotional vulnerability or expressions of tenderness and nurturing of the other through whatever you enjoy nurturing other people with, like through cooking (to nurture loved ones physically), through deep conversations (mentally), or giving your loved ones tarot readings even? (Spiritually); whatever you define nurturing is applicable here.

And then again, a Water Venus could manifest as the dreamy, otherworldly, fantastical kind of love that is almost angelic in its frequency when realized in its higher octaves. You bet I'm talking about you, Pisces Venus. You have a wise kind of love that also simultaneously feels childlike and all-encompassing. Compassionate, forgiving, and devotional—the power of love meets the divinity of a human. Powerful as words can describe. This placement puts the unconditional in unconditional love :p; it's quite beautiful to see. And because of their characteristic lack of conditions when it comes to their way of loving, it's quite healing for the rest of us to experience their love, especially for the ones that have faced a tremendous amount of "conditional love."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for stopping by, kind soul :)

[velvetporcelain]

hi.

too many thoughts speaking at once. why is doing the better thing harder?

the deadliest of the sins, lust.

Isn’t lust and desire the same? isn’t lust and want the same?

i am convinced the seven sins are not deadly unless you know how to use them, i would say they are potent qualities, adaptations, symptoms of the world- her cannot ignore them, its easy and satisfying when abused.

fuck trying to quite smoking, it’s about quitting indulgence.

if i could ask him one question, right now, it would be “did you know that we would be the makers of our own death?” Also knowing me- I wouldn’t ask just one— there would be a chain reaction of questions — like “were you prepared to berated with hate from the ones you’ve created?” “Did you know we were going to be so insecure about our own power that we would abuse it in all the wrong ways? “ “ were you prepared for us to misunderstand our existence?” “ were you prepared for us to be this stupid?”

— like— I would be shaking and blushing- yeah I’m angry and I’m furiously throwing flash thoughts at god- like I fucking knew it—

— I fucking knew I wouldn’t get all the answers u til I was on the other side—. The answers are so incomprehensible that you will NEVER get them here on earth, because we are not made to understand, but to experience. And we are in control of that experience at all times!! AT ALL TIMES.

my struggle this time is different- it does not stem from depression- it stems from acceptance and apply that acceptance to truth, beauty and love—- and I will keep saying this because I can feel the difference- sometimes I forget in the vast void that we CAN remove ourselves, not entirely, our digital footprint is forever, but we can most certainly pull our energy out, we can pull our presence, we can vanish—- we can!!

It’s time for me to the mysterious hottie next door. it’s what I have always wanted to be, I’m gonna put my entire consciousness into my experience here on earth, and I’m going to try and remember that something more powerful than me knows all and one day- so will I. Until then, I will be unafraid to question truth, beauty and love.

I am always in the presence of all three, because I am all three. My truth may be tainted, it may bear a port wine stain— for I have indulged in lust. a damaging taste- tinged and bitter- sweet and addictive.

— all I fucking wanted was to experience.

this is my first time living, maybe I felt like I have missed out on people experiencing other people and then having to use that experience to move forward with who they are- and I thought about what I have done and who it has made me— some parts I love- some parts I feel are broken- but I can’t deny the amount of wisdom I have gained from my choices- it was addicting. - but it has also created a very intimate relationship with myself- my mind- my body and my soul— which is why I am convinced that when you KNOW what you want to experience— it usually always ends up good— but what happens when it ends up bad— how do we say? “I fucked up” without the fear of contempt and judgment from the ones we love? i would say that i am a coward- for i fear abandonment.

— and that is how my truth is tainted. how do i say sorry for wanting to experience life? How do i say - sorry i fucked up i am not satisfied with the way you love me and I don’t know if that makes me fucked up or mentally ill?

HOW?

i am just a fucked up girl who tattooed her face for protection.

-x

[ildivine]

I suppose it has been a long time since I've written here, as some things have changed, I guess, in my mind but not ultimately outside of it.

I don't feel comfortable really talking to anyone about how Gordon re-merged into me, and i didn't notice it at the time, but once I realized I missed him, it felt like a (minor) death. Minor as in it is not comparable to losing an entire life of a loved one you may have known for years. I don't care to make that comparison. But it was swift and required a lot of crying, and some poetry, a memoir to him. I had to face the trauma that he had separated to hold to begin with. That despite being a part of me and I very much could tell that, compared to my relationship with what I consider the soulbonds, there was something in him that I had missed.

I know I'm probably not the only one. He had made a couple of close friends. He'd developed a crush. He'd learned how to interact with people after many years of being stunted.

Mostly, he was here when I was the most drunk, and least capable. A sense of protective and fatherly energy that I likely will always crave in my life.

And it's awkward to think of the trauma I had to absorb that relates to a fictional piece of media. I remember telling someones in the fandom on tumblr how I felt like I identified as him, and they said "you're supposed to relate to him. The game is made that way." But there's always that "otherkin" experience that goes beyond the game, that is deeper, more surreal, yet different than what was created here.

No disrespect to the artist. I'm glad that the Half-Life games had a formative effect on my life experience. Maybe it was too ingrained. We'd talked about that, too.

But the flashbacks were swift, albeit cruel. Coming to terms with the fact we always saw the headcrabs lunging at us. Likely one of the effects from that silly, but provocative, emotional video games. One series out of maybe two that I had finished, the other being Neverwinter Nights. And I still miss that one, too. But I hadn't deeply identified with it.

Accepting the war. How much (we) had lost. Understanding that despite Black Mesa being connected to, and supportive of, the military, they came down to wipe us out. To wipe out all of the evidence that was left behind. Because we - and he - were to blame for the catastrophe that happened.

And they just don't like science. They don't care about the researchers. Those that had looked at screens and poked at buttons all day. Writing down chemical tables that I can't fathom anymore.

Remembering the dull moments, of a lot of studying.

I'd also outgrown him, in a literal since. Gordon Freeman in the video game is in his twenties, then thrown into a time vortex hell with the god that had...rearranged things. An entity we still wouldn't understand, as the creators meant it to be.

He still has a blog here, although its briefly posted on, that I should delete.

Sam merging back in was less intense and painful, as he was only here briefly. And he was focused on being human. Which just extends to something else I'll put into another post for what it's worth.