#might spill some thoughts on another post with a spoiler tag

[alien-insomniac-05]

I got the goofy ahh winter

[lucky-clover-gazette]

prince's gambit highlights & annotations

chapter 9

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

‘So,’ Damen heard Lazar say to Jord, ‘what’s it like having an aristocrat suck your dick?’ It was the evening after the rockfall at Nesson, and they were a day’s ride further south. They had set out early, after assessing damage and repairing wagons. Now Damen sat with several of the men, sprawled by one of the campfires, enjoying a moment’s rest. Aimeric, whose arrival had prompted Lazar’s question, had come to sit beside Jord. He returned Lazar a level look. ‘Fantastic,’ Aimeric said. Good for you, thought Damen.

"GOOD FOR YOU, THOUGHT DAMEN."

Lazar made a good-natured sound of disbelief. ‘For real,’ he said to Damen. ‘Who gets a leg over, you or him?’

“for real” is just slightly anachronistic and it fits the scene very well. “for real bestie who tops”

The company was in peak condition after Nesson. The wagons were repaired, and Paschal had patched up the cuts, and Laurent was not smashed by a rock.

He could see Laurent’s tent, lamp-lit and streaming flags; it was like a pomegranate, its rich excesses on the inside.

damen.

Damen had woken from a cocoon of sleep this morning to the sound of a lazy, amused, ‘Good morning. No, I don’t need anything.’

The men were experiencing camaraderie in the face of a common enemy, and it was natural that he was feeling it too, or something similar, after a night of chases and escapes and fighting alongside Laurent. It was a heady elixir, but he must not get swept up in it. He was here for Akielos not for Laurent. His duty only extended so far. He had his own war, his own country, his own fight.

if this was a musical you just know that greek chorus would be roasting the shit out of him rn

This very morning Laurent had sent a man flying back to Nesson, with money and thanks, to return Charls his horse.

do you think he signed it as himself?? maybe we find out in book 3

But this rider was nothing like that. Dressed in leathers with no sign of crest or livery, riding a good but plain horse, and most surprising of all—pushing back a heavy cloak—she was a woman.

LET’S GOOOOO

In memory of your morning with us. And for the next time you need a disguise.

i love the implication that he genuinely charmed the women at the brothel, like, not in a horny way. like they’re just kind of rooting for him, to the degree that they got this dress to him. i need the fic about this entire grift, how he talked to them, their reaction, etc

Curious, he unwrapped another layer of cloth to reveal more cloth: blue and ornate, it spilled out over his hands. The dress was familiar. Damen had last seen it open and trailing laces, worn by a blonde; he’d felt that embroidered ornamentation under his hands; she’d been halfway in his lap. ‘You went back to the brothel,’ said Damen. And then the words next time tapped him on the shoulder. ‘You didn’t wear—?’ Laurent sat back in the chair. His cool gaze didn’t answer the question one way or another.

:-)

‘It was an interesting morning. I don’t usually have the chance to enjoy that kind of company. You know my uncle doesn’t like them.’ ‘Prostitutes?’ said Damen. ‘Women,’ said Laurent.

yeah this isn’t surprising. for multiple reasons. i do like how we get some implication that laurent feels differently—another sign that he is fit to be king

‘Vannis is our delegate. He needs her, and he resents that he needs her, and she knows it,’ said Laurent.

vannis = vannes?

They were two days out from Acquitart, and the people in this region knew their Prince, and sometimes came out to line the roads, greeting him with warm and happy expressions, which was not the way that anyone who knew Laurent greeted him.

If there’s anyone alive who can strike a blow that will bloody the Regent’s nose, it’s him.

and loyse

‘As we draw closer to the border, I think it would be safer—more private—to hold our discussions in your language rather than mine.’ He said it in carefully pronounced Akielon. Damen stared at him, feeling as though the world had just been rearranged. ‘What is it?’ said Laurent. ‘Nice accent,’ said Damen, because despite everything, the corner of his mouth was beginning helplessly to curve up. Laurent’s eyes narrowed.

“i speak your language better than you speak mine, sweetheart”

‘You mean in case of eavesdroppers,’ said Damen, mostly just to see if Laurent knew the word ‘eavesdroppers’.

It was of course no surprise to find that Laurent had a well-stocked armoury of elegant phrases and bitchy remarks, but could not talk in detail about anything sensible.

Damen had to keep reminding himself not to grin. He didn’t know why listening to Laurent pick his way through the Akielon language had him in good spirits, but it did. Laurent did indeed have a pronounced Veretian accent, which softened and blurred consonants and added a lilt, with stresses on unexpected syllables. It transformed the Akielon words, gave them a hint of exoticism, of luxuriousness that was very Veretian, though that effect was at least partially combatted by the precision of Laurent’s speaking.

i love this. another example of how damen’s affection for laurent isn’t just based on his appearance. he has this kind of subconscious desire to see the gap between them bridged, and is DELIGHTED when it happens in all its awkward glory. he falls in love a little more with every moment that laurent feels like an actual human person in the room with him

‘We’re done for the night. Come here and attend me.’ Those words rattled around in his mind.

damen.exe has stopped working

‘You don’t like it?’ said Laurent. He knew better than to say what he did or didn’t like. Laurent’s voice held a hint of interest at his discomfort that was always dangerous.

and we’re talking about the book 1 garden scene again! “he likes it” etc, the matter of consent and pleasure, how damen views the entire thing in retrospect. i think there is some grey area being presented by the narrative about this overall subject—for someone like laurent, with the history and reservations he has, it would have been an unforgivable violation to have been put in the position he put damen in. but to damen, enthusiastically sexually active with many partners since his teenage years, and very used to being in control, it isn’t regarded retrospectively in the same way. it’s not my place to say whether this is right or wrong, good or bad, in terms of how non-consent should be portrayed in fiction (or if there even is a hard “should”), but i do at least appreciate that pacat seems to have committed to damen’s understanding of the scene and doesn’t really compromise.

‘Perhaps if I were more authentic,’ said Laurent. ‘How does an owner command a bed slave in Akielos? Teach me.’

this is such a laurent move. fluster him, talk shit about his morally bereft culture, and half-jokingly propose roleplay all at once

‘You said in Nesson that you had used slaves,’ said Laurent. ‘Don’t you think I should know the words?’ He forced his hands to move. ‘If you own a slave, you may command him however you like.’ ‘I haven’t found that necessarily to be the case.’ ‘I would prefer you to talk to me as a man,’ he heard himself say. Laurent turned under his hands.

god they make me crazy. damen having a big moment here in reconsidering his values. laurent enjoying the fact that he’s making damen reconsider his values, because he knows damen can do better, which is different from the previous times he’s challenged damen. we’ve moved past mutual moral arbitration, because they both have started to understand each other. now they’re pushing to see just how on-the-same-page they really could be.

also, laurent would be diabolical in high school debate

also also, “i would prefer…” feels like a big moment re: damen admitting how he feels about laurent, TO laurent. even if he doesn’t fully know what he’s admitting here, he’s essentially saying that he sees himself as a voluntarily ally rather than a slave, which laurent absolutely does not expect and probably would not accept at this point

He felt rather than heard his voice change in the intimate space. ‘But if you would rather—’ ‘Step back,’ said Laurent.

yeah laurent’s having some trouble unpacking that. i forget the exact wording but this reminds me of a later quote, “i don’t have the means to defend from this,” “this” being earnest affection

They gazed at one another.

i really should be counting these but oh well. it’s less funny to document than the laurent leans and hr complaints

‘Unless you need anything,’ he heard himself say, ‘I’ll go and bring in some more coals for the brazier.’ ‘Go,’ said Laurent.

laurent braces himself on the table as soon as damen leaves. the opening guitar riff of “granger danger” from a very potter musical plays faintly in the background

The water had been bracing cold in the warm night. He had dunked his head and let it run over his chest and shoulders, then he had scrubbed down and waded out and pushed the water from his hair.

not the cold shower…

Laurent was well made and capable, and Damen was a man, as other men. Half the soldiers in this camp wanted Laurent under them. The body’s reaction could be discounted, as it had been, determinedly, at the inn. Any man would have been roused by Laurent playing pet in his lap. Even knowing what was under the earring.

damen you’re not beating the “granger danger” accusations either

After a long moment, he took his eyes off Laurent and looked back at Lazar, who was gazing at him with a rather dry but understanding smile quirking the side of his mouth. ‘All right what?’ said Damen. ‘All right, you’re not fucking him,’ said Lazar.

“but you wanna be soooo bad” 😭

[mooralltach]

I posted 2,369 times in 2022

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I tagged 2,167 of my posts in 2022

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#lupin iii - 439 posts

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Longest Tag: 140 characters

#that one scene from a winnie the pooh movie/episode where they got sucked into the vacuum cleaner and ended up in the under the bed universe

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Lupin theory: it's a Manchurian Candidate plot, it must be. That second picture with a mother figure, brainwashing and spilled playing cards is 100% Manchurian Candidate. They're going to tie in all the card games this season to brainwashing, back to and including them playing cards to determine who cooks. It's going to tie in with all the flowers because of Hanafuda cards.

I had to look the Manchurian Candidate up for a bit, but that's a pretty convincing idea actually!

Regarding the spilled playing cards, I assumed they were a reference to the gang at first, like Jigens hat and Goemons Zantetsuken are also there. But they're also not really anyone's personal item either, like the hat and Zantetsuken are. It could be argued they stand for Fujiko (since she's sort of associated with cards and uses them as weapons sometimes, she even throws one in the opening), but we haven't seen Fujiko playing these specific cards at all, so I don't know.

What interested me is that for one of the brainwashed 'sleeper agents' in the Manchurian Candidate, seeing the queen of diamonds made him snap into killer mode, and the fact that his handler is his mother... holy shit Now I did check ep 13 again and Lupin has played this deck of cards against Jigen multiple times (and won), so I'm assuming he would've seen that card (or whatever card does it for him, if it is the cards) too without anything happening. But we did see Jigen and Goemon playing the cards in the car in the last episode, so they do have them with them, meaning they could easily be used next episode, and it might exactly be the context of who is showing him the card and in what way that might trigger something.

I honestly hadn't even considered the cards! They do have a very distinct design, even though that's probably a reference to the cards from Part 1 Episode 8's cards:

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23 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

#4

watching the next lupin episode moodboard

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27 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

#3

Okay hold on, hold on. This latest Lupin arc is making me go insane (in a good way). Let's see if I can put all this into coherent thoughts.

Since episode 19 I've been checking and rewatching some moments, and found out some... interesting details. Then after this weeks episode I noticed another thing, which had me rewatching everything again, and I'm now convinced things are even more connected than previously thought. If I'm right, this second arc is insanely good at leaving the smallest hints right under our nose that you wouldn't know were there unless you know what to look for. Even though yes, I also agree part 6 has its pacing problems and I'm not the biggest fan of interrupting the main arc with standalone episodes all the time either, but at least in this second part they do make use of that (yes I will elaborate).

Gonna continue under the cut, this post is long. Will probably end up continuing it too, since tumblr doesn't allow more than 10 images per post (grrr).In any case, spoilers for up to part 6 episode 20.

Anyway! I'm gonna go nuts for a moment

Alright. Let's start at this weeks episode. The thing with these filler episodes is that they are very much filler, but they also got slightly more in common with each other than simply being centered around a woman each time, as the arc implies. At first, I thought that was all there was to it, even if this arcs writer (Shigeru Murakoshi) said that the way all the individual women were shown in episode 14 was not a coincidence (or, to quote him: "Actually, this scene was not intended to make everyone appear unnecessarily. I would like you to look forward to how each and every character here appear in future episodes, and to see what position they form in the story and how they interact with Lupin and the gang."). I just thought that was an interesting extra, like oh cool, those are the women we're gonna be seeing this season, I love a little bit of foreshadowing like that (although, if he hadn't said so, I'm pretty sure I would've entirely missed that it was these exact women too until having a rewatch, since the designs don't really stand out save for one or two). However.

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42 notes - Posted March 3, 2022

#2

I know they left it ambiguous on whether or not Tomoe was actually Lupin's "real" mom (leaving the way they viewed each other out of it for now), and we're supposed to drift more toward the fact thats she was not

but that expression Lupin has when seeing what's in the box, and how he pauses a little too long...

it kinda haunts me

49 notes - Posted March 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

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94 notes - Posted March 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[soaringlark]

Disclaimer: all my work is non-sexual! n/sf/w interaction is not appreciated!

(If asked to delete this, I will)

This is a remake of the first T0H vore I posted, because I have improved a little since then. And the other story makes me embarrassed with how bad and low effort it is... You’ll be the judge on if this is actually that much better. (also there’s actually vore in this one)

Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable because of female pred. I really don’t intend to do that, but I also don’t tag my stuff like that in case it gets into n/sf/w territory. That’s not where I want my content to be.

Story below read more!

Not really any spoilers I can think of, but I might just be desensitised. So read at your own risk.

The story is about 2.5k words

(I don’t think I have to censor the names, either way I’m taking my chances)

It’s obvious, but these characters are not mine. They are from The 0wl H0use

(should be mentioned the characters are 14 just be aware of that)

***

“I don’t know, Luz…”

“Come on, Amity! It’ll be fun!”

Amity couldn’t see what would be “fun” about having Luz look around her mouth. “But my fangs…”

“Just be careful not to bite me; I’ll try not to get myself impaled.” The shrunken human girl laughed.

But Amity didn’t like it. “That’s not funny! I don’t want to hurt you!”

Luz held her hands out defensively. “I’m just joking!” The witchling scowled at her. “Besides, I’m already shrunken down, so why not at least try?”

Amity turned her head away from her crush. There was another reason she was feeling reluctant about doing that. But there was no way she was telling Luz that. “I would rather not!” She exclaimed her face growing a little red. It was because of the thought of Luz begin so close to her face. Literally in her face. She was pretty sure she would never feel brave enough to get Luz that close.

“But why?”

She glanced at her, before looking away again. “I don’t want to.”

“Not even for me?”

Amity swore in her head. Did Luz really have to pull that card? She would do pretty much anything for her. But this is something stupid… She couldn’t keep herself from smiling at the thought. When does Luz not do something dumb? “Alright! What do I do?”

Luz squealed in excitement. She’s so strange… “Thank you so much! Just lean your head down so I can reach your mouth!”

Amity did as Luz told her, nervously keeping her mouth open. Why does she want to do this? Is it a human thing? Do humans like to look into their friends’ mouths?

She could feel her hands press on her canines. She couldn’t stop herself from letting out a gasp.

“What is it?” Luz asked, backing away.

“You said you would be careful!” she spoke a little louder than she meant to, making Luz cover her ears. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell…”

“It’s okay,” the other girl paused for a second, before speaking up again. “But I was being careful! I just wanted to know how your teeth felt.”

Amity nodded, a tiny bit confused, before opening her mouth up again.

She felt her place a hand on her upper lip; a small squeak escaped her throat. But her thoughts were immediately drawn away from that, as Luz place her other hand on her tongue.

She had not expected her to taste like anything, but she had been wrong. Very wrong. Her mouth immediately flooded with drool. She tasted as sweet as she was. Not even a twinge of sourness or saltiness to her bafflingly good taste.

Luz voice changed for moment, as she let out a surprised noise, once again backing away from her. “Amity! Why are you’re drooling so much?”

Amity snapped her mouth shout, quickly swallowing, before wiping the excess drool off her chin. She couldn’t even speak. The flavor still overwhelmed her. It didn’t make sense; how could she taste that good?

“Do… Do I taste good or something?”

Amity hesitated, trying to regain her voice. “Uhm…”

Luz just… shrugged? “I figured. You would not believe how many creatures tried to eat me, when I was out on my first potion run for Eda!”

Amity was a little confused by how casually Luz said that. “You are okay with this?”

“Sure! It’s better than me tasting horrible!”

“How?” Amity couldn’t see any reason that would ever be the better option. “I mean, you taste really good.” She didn’t manage to stop the words from spilling out, and her face went even redder than before; she leaned her chin down on the table in embarrassment.

“Amity, it’s okay! It’s not like you are going to hurt me.” Luz hugged her nose.

Close! Close! Close! Clos- that was the only thing that echoed through her mind. She went cross-eyed looking at her, while her breath caught in her throat.

Her heart fluttered, hearing Luz’s laugh. “You went cross-eyed!” It took her a moment for her to stop laughing. “Anyways, open up!”

Amity’s sat up in surprise. “Really? You want to do that again?” Amity wasn’t too much against the idea anymore, yet, she didn’t want to be a danger to Luz.

“Don’t see why not! Just get back down here and open your mouth.”

Amity hesitated, before doing as she was told. But she still couldn’t figure out why she tasted like that.

It felt strange to know that it was her crush in there, and, not long after, she could feel Luz’s hands on her tongue. Her mouth flooded again. It was hard for her to ignore the drool that was dripping onto the table. She could her lean farther in. “Woah, you’re drooling a lot.”

Her brain still couldn’t make sense of the fact that Luz was in her mouth. “No need to respond, it was just an observation.”

In her head, she couldn’t keep from worrying about hurting Luz. What if I bite her? I don’t want to hurt her… “Can you lean your head down a little more?”

Amity did as she was told. “Thank you!” The girl spoke enthusiastically, climbing even farther into her mouth. She had to keep herself from biting down in surprise; her short hair was touching palette, making her want to spit her out.

Luz noticed her reaction. “Sorry!” she apologized, pressing herself down onto Amity’s tongue. “I didn’t think about my hair…” But Amity could barely register the words.

Luz’s taste was the only thing on her mind. How could she taste that good? She closed her mouth around her. Still careful not to hurt the girl; she didn’t want to chomp her legs off. “Hey!” It sounded from inside her mouth.

Amity swallowed a mouthful of spit, before wiping off her chin, still keeping Luz in her mouth. “Amity! Spit me out!” The tiny girl didn’t sound utterly terrified, or angry, but she was clearly serious. She shoved her hands against her tongue, making Amity want to do that even less.

But she still did let her out.

Luz took a moment to compose herself. “Why did you do that?”

Why did I do that? “I just…” It had been because of Luz’s taste, but she couldn’t just say that… “I wasn’t going to eat you, if that is what you think.”

“That sounds like something some who was going to eat me would say!” Amity’s ears shifted in surprise. “I’m just messing around. But seriously, why did you do that?”

“You just taste good. Do I need any more reasons?” Nope, I’m definitely in the wrong on this one, she realized right after speaking. “Sorry, Luz, I mean, it was that and some other reasons… But it was mainly because you tasted so good, I couldn’t think straight.”

Luz looked like she was about laugh, but she didn’t make a sound. Amity briefly wondered what was so funny. “oh…” Luz looked a little unsure. “I guess it’s best if we quit now? Wouldn’t want you eating me in a crazed trance or anything.”

“I would never do that!” But as soon as the words left her mouth, she became unsure herself. She would never want to hurt Luz on purpose… but she had felt a little out of it when Luz’s taste hit her. Something told her it would be best if they just quit. But… “Are you sure? Can’t I just taste you a little longer?”

“Alright, you agreed to do this for me, so I’ll do this for you.” Just thinking of the girl’s taste made her mouth water. She picked Luz up herself. Her eyes widened. “What are you doing?”

She put Luz back down on the table. “Sorry, I just thought it would be easier for me like that…” She leaned her head down again. She couldn’t help but let out a disappointed sigh, before opening her mouth.

Luz hesitantly walked back over to her. “No need to be like that… I would just rather be on the ground.” Amity stopped Luz with a finger. “What now?”

“It’s a table,” corrected Amity, before opening her mouth once again.

As soon as Luz got her upper body in her mouth; she closed it off as much as she could without biting her. She waited for Luz to protest, but she seemed fine with it. There was a thought too deep in her mind for it to really register. It wasn’t even words; just a feeling. She wanted to eat her, but it didn’t click her head. Not yet.

She spent about a minute of using Luz as an unusual piece of candy, before Luz shoved against her tongue. “That’s enough, Amity. Let me out now.”

But she didn’t want to do that… She shoved her a little farther into her mouth. “Hey, you promised!” Luz didn’t seem too serious for now. “Just spit me out!” There was a laugh to her yell. But it vanished after a few seconds. “But seriously, that’s enough.”

She pushed against her tiny shoes, before sitting up. She didn’t want Luz to hurt herself on her teeth. Luz gave a tiny kick to her fingers. “It’s not funny anymore!” Amity did not like the panic in her voice. Her ears shifted down in disapproval, but she still felt reluctant to let her go.

Despite the feeling, she got her out. Luz looked up at her with shock in her eyes, as she dangled from her fingers. “What’s with you? You’re acting really strange…” Amity didn’t know either. As she looked at Luz everything grew brighter. “Woah, your pupils are really… big.”

She blinked, snapping back to herself for a moment. “What?” she hadn’t really taken in any of what Luz said. The only feeling filling her head was the same on as earlier; hunger.

Luz kicked the air, trying to get more comfortable. But it didn’t seem to help much. Amity felt bad, shifting her hand, so Luz could sit. “I just meant your pupils had widened.”

There were a few seconds of silence, before Amity spoke up. “I want to eat you…” She hadn’t even realized the words left her mouth, before she saw the panic in Luz eyes. “I mean, no, I won’t do it!” Where did the craving even come from? She would never want to hurt Luz! She liked her. And a lot for that matter. “I…” she couldn’t figure out what to say to make it better. “uh…”

“Please, just don’t eat me? I think this is enough for now,” said Luz, her voice quivering nervously. She looked up into her eyes again. “Amity…?”

Her head felt clouded with thoughts. Or maybe it was more sensations… She couldn’t be sure. But one thing she was sure of, was that the little human in her hands would be amazing to eat… If it wasn’t for the stupid fact that it would hurt her… She knew how to keep herself safe from being eaten alive; a bit necessary living in a place like the boiling isles. But not how to make it safe for others. Would it even work on humans?

She wished she knew; she wasn’t willing to just take a chance. Especially not on Luz’s life. She could try with something simple… But she wasn’t really sure. There was no way of knowing it worked, before it was too late. But if she reacted fast enough, maybe she could still get her out?

The way Luz trembled in her hand made her hesitate. But Amity wasn’t herself anymore; she felt more like a wild animal. Still she snapped back for just a moment. “If it was safe, would you let me eat you?” Her response wouldn’t matter much to Amity, but she still wanted to let Luz know what she was planning.

“How could that be safe?” She nervously pressed herself up against Amity’s fingers. But she was more focused on casting her spells. “What are you doing?” questioned Luz, but something about the way she said it convinced Amity that she knew. She felt her shudder. “What was that feeling?”

“It worked!” She couldn’t not feel excited over that! She had never been a gifted witchling, so the fact that it worked made her nearly jump in excitement. It tore her thoughts away from… then it hit her how weird those thoughts were. What was I thinking?

“What worked? Amity, are you going to eat me?”

“No…” But as soon as the words left her mouth, she remembered Luz’s taste. She was already going back into that weird state of mind, where no thought felt complete.

Luz, once again, pressed herself against Amity’s fingers, before they curled around her. She wheezed, as Amity pressed tighter than she meant to. Amity grimaced, giving Luz an apologetic look, before opening her mouth again. “Hey! You just said you weren’t going to do that!” But she ignored her, shoving her legs into her mouth. “Please, I’d rather you didn’t!”

Amity looked Luz, before bring her back out. “I’m not going to hurt you,” she said, pushing her back in her mouth. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to eat her immediately or enjoy her taste a little longer. She could feel her legs at the back of her throat.

She swallowed, feeling Luz’s feet enter her throat. “Amity, I’m serious spit me out!” But she had already decided she was going through with this. She pushed her a little farther in, before swallowing once more. None of Luz was outside her mouth anymore, but she seemed more exhausted than anything else. She mumbled something under her breath, but Amity couldn’t understand it. What she could understand was what she said next. “Alright, just eat me, I guess…”

That speed the process up a lot. It barely took a couple of seconds, before she had swallowed the smaller girl. She could feel her slide down her throat, and, in some ways, it felt nice.

She could feel her the entire way down into her stomach. And in her stomach too. A smile spread across her lips. She didn’t know what made the thought that Luz was in her stomach so appealing, but she liked it. She needed to know if she was fine. “Are you alright, Luz?”

It was weird hearing her voice coming from her middle. “I’m fine, I guess… Just really slimy. Why did you eat me?”

“I just…” she wasn’t really sure. “I don’t know, I just felt like it.”

“Huh.” It was quiet from her stomach for a few seconds, before Luz’s heart-warming laugh sounded. “I guess you were right about it being better if I tasted bad!”

Amity smiled, exhaling through her noise. “No, I think this is better.”

There was a smile in Luz’s voice. “’Course you do.”

***

would appreciate if you point out anything iffy sounding in the story! :D I would rather edit it than seem like a perverted creep.

A few notes about this: I know Amity doesn’t have sharp teeth or oval irises, I just think it looks cool. It took me longer than I expected to write. The last one was less 1k words. I don’t just write Amity POV, it just happens that I’m always writing her when it’s vore. Luz is the one I’ve written for 19k words (not a typo btw), so I could use a break. I know Amity doesn’t blush from her ears, but I thought it looked better that way. Luz saying the thing about going into a crazed trance is actually a reference to an unposted story, where that happens. It’s very angsty, and I don’t feel comfortable posting it. Final note: Yes, I headcanon witches and witchlings knowing how to survive being eaten, even if it goes against canon a tiny bit. I just think it makes sense, that they’d know that.

Other than that... Thanks for reading and have a nice day! <3

[starvonnie]

Love Languages

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Fandoms: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types Relationship: Megatron/Rodimus | Rodimus Prime Characters: Megatron (Transformers),Rodimus | Rodimus Prime Additional Tags: Kissing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, In a way, Suggestive Themes

Prompt: Patience

Also on AO3 “Be patient with him.”

That had been Drift’s advice when Rodimus broke the news to him that Megatron and him were now “a thing.”  He’d little more to say on the matter at all.  Just that he was happy for him.  Oh, and that he’d kill Megatron if he hurt Rodimus.  Which was fair.

Rodimus regretted that he hadn’t really asked for clarification on what he’d meant.  Be patient with what?  Did he just need a lot of foreplay or something?  

Whatever.  He didn’t dwell too much.

They kept to themselves for a little while.  Just long enough to spread the news to close friends and to smooth things over with Ultra Magnus before it got to the rumour mill. It took a week or so before they decided to just announce it (which was weird and awkward… but necessary), so now the whole ship knew.  Now they could just be a normal couple, right?

Rodimus strolled onto the bridge happily, for once. He walked right up to Megatron, touched his arm, and went to get up onto the fore of his pedes when Megatron took a half-step away.

“Good morning, Rodimus.”

Rodimus tried not to look hurt.  “Morning.”

Megatron awkwardly patted his hand, then got back to what he’d been doing.

Rodimus sheepishly made his way to the office, feeling optics on him.  The day passed slowly in a haze of rejection and paperwork.

The next day, he tried to walk normally and keep up a smile.  Again, he made a beeline for Megatron.  This time, he wasn’t engrossed in any work, and noticed Rodimus before he got to him. He went to do the same thing, and again, he stepped out of his reach.

“What gives?” Rodimus hissed.

“We’re at work.”

“Hmph.  Fine.” Rodimus stewed for a bit, but managed to lose himself in his work.  Plus, it was easy to look forward to the end of the day.  Megatron had agreed to go with him to Swerve’s for trivia night. If I must, he’d said.  

Still.  They wouldn’t be at work.  He couldn’t refuse a kiss then, right?

“I’ve got an idea to make this a little more interesting,” Rodimus said later, sitting across the table from Megatron.  

“Oh?”  Megatron looked wary.

“Well, I know most of the people here are on teams, but what if we competed?”

“I thought the point of this night was to be a couple’s thing?” Megatron asked, looking confused.

Rodimus shrugged.  “It’s not like a rule or anything.  That’s just what tends to happen.  But we’re both pretty smart, so I think it’d be fun to see who’s the smartest.”

Megatron shrugged.  “If that’s what you want.”

“Hold on, I’m not finished.  I haven’t gotten to the stakes.”

“I’m beginning to regret agreeing to this.”

Rodimus rolled his optics, annoyance creeping into his field.  “Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad.  I just figured that if one of us gets an answer wrong that the other gets right, the one who got it wrong owes the other a kiss.  Kind of a win-win situation, y’know?”

“Or you could just ask for a kiss.”

“Come on, Megs,” Rodimus whined.  “Can’t we just have a little fun?  Please?”

Megatron sighed.  “Alright, Rodimus.”

Fortunately, or unfortunately for Rodimus, they were both either really good at trivia or Swerve was really bad at coming up with trivia questions.  Either way, they hadn’t gotten any answers wrong.  It was time to take matters into his own hands.

“Whoops, looks like I got that one wrong,” Rodimus said, sarcastically feigning disappointment.  “Darn! Looks like I owe you a kiss.”  He crooked a finger at Megatron, pursing his lips slightly.

“Here?”

“… Yeah?”

Megatron shook his helm.  “Just keep a tally or something.  I’ll give them to you once we’re back at our habsuite.”

The rejection stung again, but at least he was able to soothe it with that fact that Megatron had called it our habsuite.

“Fine,” Rodimus muttered.

He had no trouble getting the rest of the questions right.

At least when they were walking back, Rodimus managed to capture Megatron’s hand and he didn’t take it back.  He seemed surprised at first, but then squeezed back with a smile on his face.  What weird rules did Megatron follow?

Whatever.  They were holding hands and heading back to their room together.  And maybe once they were inside…

Finally, Rodimus got his kiss.  He’d been so starved for kisses that the first one sent a rush of electricity through his frame.  His knees literally felt weak.  Really, every trope he’d ever heard was taking over his frame.  He did his best to steer them towards the berth, but he had no strength in his limbs.  Megatron had to be the one to do it.

“Satisfied?” Megatron asked with a little smirk.

“With you?”  Rodimus pulled him down again.  “Never.”

Rodimus wished the hands sitting courteously on his waist would slide lower.  After all, it had been long enough.  Too long, in Rodimus’ opinion.  If Megatron were one of his exes, they’d be getting into the kinky stuff right now. But here he was, stuck on first base.

Maybe he was just being cautious.  There were a couple conspiracy theories circulating around the ship.  One was that he’d manipulated Rodimus or was blackmailing him.  The other suggested literal brainwashing.  So… Rodimus would just have to make his intentions crystal clear.

Rodimus fixed Megatron with a lustful gaze.  He softly bit Megatron’s bottom lip during their next kiss and tugged on it as he pulled back.  With a sultry smile thrown over his shoulder, he guided Megatron to the berth and lay down.  He put his hands above his helm and spread his legs a bit, giving himself wholly to Megatron.  Wherever he wanted to touch, he could.

“Could you move over a bit?” Megatron asked, a little irritation in his voice.

Rodimus gave him an annoyed look, but obliged.

“For someone your size, you manage to take up most of the berth,” Megatron commented as he climbed in.

“We’re supposed to share,” Rodimus said.

“And that’s a two-way street.”

Rodimus stifled a frustrated growl and rolled onto his side.  He pressed himself flush to Megatron’s frame and kissed him again.  At least he seemed to be okay with this.  

Trying to be subtle, he slid his hand down Megatron’s frame. Just before it got to his array, however, Megatron grabbed his wrist.  He froze, his field crackling with confusion as he met his lover’s gaze.

“Sorry,” he said, when he realized how forceful he’d been. He lifted his hand to kiss where he’d hurt.  “Not tonight. I’m a little too tired for that.”

Not tonight?  More like, not ever.  Why didn’t Megatron want to frag him?  Did he not think he was hot?

“Okay…”  Rodimus tried not to let it show, but disappointment flooded his field.  His spoiler fell, too.

Megatron lifted Rodimus’ fallen chin.  He kissed him and pulled him close, instead.  It was nice, but… all of these rejections were piling on top of each other and weighing him down.

Did Megatron not want him anymore?  Maybe there was something to those conspiracy theories…

It didn’t help when he woke up in berth, alone. Tears pricked at his optics.  He was going to look so stupid in front of everyone when they found out he’d already managed to screw things up.  This was Megatron.  He should be happy anyone looked his way!  And why go to all the trouble of telling people and announcing things and even filling out paperwork because of their “working relationship?”

Well, frag him.  He can go to hell and he wasn’t even that hot and—

Rodimus cursed when he knocked over a glass on the nightstand and spilled energon everywhere.  He was already berating himself for forgetting about leaving it there when he saw the note.

Had to leave for an emergency.  It’s nothing major, and I can handle it.  

Ah.  He hadn’t forgotten.  But that meant he’d spilled what Megatron had left for him.

Sighing, but feeling a little better about things, Rodimus cleaned up the mess and mixed his own ration before heading to the bridge. He was thankful Megatron was in the office when he got there.  After checking in with Ultra Magnus, he went to the office, ensuring that he left the door wide open, since he could feel Magnus’ optics on his back.

“Thanks for dealing with whatever.  And for getting me my ration.”  He left out that he spilled it.

“You’re welcome, Rodimus.  I know you forget some mornings and the last thing we need is a cranky mech capable of creating fire.”  He smiled at him.

Rodimus chuckled.  He considered trying for another kiss, but decided against it.

He nodded towards the stack of data pads.  “A lot of paperwork today, huh?”

“I’ve got it today.  You go keep an optic on things out there.”  Megatron gave him a small smile.

“Okay.  And, um… we’re still on for tonight, yeah?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

 Rodimus had gone through every possible reason for why Megatron might be late until he landed on the only one that really made sense.

He wasn’t late; he wasn’t coming.

He dangled his pedes into the oil reservoir, pointedly choosing to not look at the stars.  Maybe then he could just pretend he wanted to be here alone.  It wasn’t meant to be romantic.  Maybe he was just checking the integrity of the oil, or making sure they had enough or…

Or maybe he was alone because he was so undesirable that even Megatron didn’t want him.  He was ready to slink back to his habsuite—his, not theirs—and cry himself to sleep when he heard the door open.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, Rodimus.”

“Oh, did we have something planned?” Rodimus said sarcastically.  “Well, there goes my plans to drown myself.”

Megatron sighed as he took a seat next to Rodimus. He refused to look at him.  He’d see anger in his optics, yes, but also the tears threatening to escape.

“I was on my way here when I saw Brainstorm… being Brainstorm.  I had to get him to stop what he was doing and then find some experiment to give him permission for that wouldn’t blow up the ship or tear a hole in the time-space continuum.  You know how he is.”

“Yeah, and I know how you are,” Rodimus said bitterly.

“I truly am sorry, Rodimus.  I wanted to be here.”

“Uh huh.  Just like you wanted to kiss me all those times, or, or frag the night before or like a week ago or when you wouldn’t hold my hand, or…”  Rodimus clenched his denta to keep himself from crying. He must already look so pathetic. He certainly sounded pathetic. It all sounded so petty when he gave voice to his thoughts.

“I’m sorry, Rodimus, this is… difficult for me.”  He sighed again.  “I apologize.  I didn’t realize this was weighing on you so heavily.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Yeah!  Well!  If you don’t want me why did you even agree to date me?”  He turned flaring optics his way.  His anger fizzled out a bit when he saw the apology in Megatron’s gaze.

“Because I do want you.”

Rodimus scoffed.  “You’ve got a great way of showing that.”  He swiped at the one errant tear that leaked from his optic.

Megatron took one of Rodimus’ hands in both of his. He sighed, deflating.  “Let me explain.  I should have told you this from the start, but…”  He looked away.  “I suppose I was hoping I would just be able to get over it, but it’s clear that won’t happen just because I get to court a beautiful mech.”

Rodimus said nothing, but a blush tinged his cheeks pink.

“I’m sure you know that war can change someone.” He met Rodimus’ gaze, but wasn’t able to hold it.  “For me, one of those changes was touch.  Affection, really.  It’s…” He sighed again.  “Believe me when I say I want to hug you and kiss you and everything you want me to do.  And I will, eventually.  It will just take me a little longer.”

“Oh.”

Megatron brought Rodimus’ hand to his mouth and kissed it.

“But… I mean, you let me kiss you when we’re alone,” Rodimus said.  “So it’s clearly not the kiss that’s the problem.”

“It’s not inherently the problem, but, yes, it’s easier to do when we’re alone.  I was caught off-guard at Swerve’s.  But if we’re on the bridge we won’t be kissing.  We’re at work.  We have to be professional.”

“Fine.”

“For everything else, though, it’s… complicated. The want is there, but doing it…”

Rodimus put his free hand over Megatron’s.

Megatron looked up and smiled at him.  “I think I’m just having trouble letting my guard down. It has nothing to do with you.”

“Okay… so… what can I do?”

“If you want to do something, just ask me.  At least for now.  Whenever you…”  His face scrunched up in thought.  “You know when you hear a loud noise you weren’t expecting?  How your weapons seem to power up on their own?  Or your plating clamps down to prepare for a fight?”

“Yuuuup.  Fun stuff.”

“It’s like that.  In a way.  If I’m not expecting someone to touch me, well, that could be someone coming to stab me in the back.  Or you’re trying to get me to let my guard down to launch an attack when I’m not prepared.  And before you say anything, yes, I know how crazy it sounds.  I’m working on it with Rung.  Because I know you don’t want to hurt me.  I’m fighting my instincts here.  Instincts that kept me alive for millions of years.  I’ll get there, eventually.”

Drift’s words made a lot more sense now.

“Okay.  I’ll be patient with you.  But you gotta be patient with me, too.  Or understanding, I guess.  I’m pretty touchy-feely.  If I’m honest, I thought you’d just already gotten tired of me.”

Megatron chuckled and then gave him a sympathetic look. “I don’t think anyone could tire of you.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“Well, I can’t see it happening with me.  That being said, can I kiss you?”

Rodimus beamed.  “Of course.”

[sienna-writes]

Butterfly Blood // update 1

woo! first writing update on this WIP so far! (Finally!!). Since I don't want to include huge spoilers on this book, as I might one day end up publishing (who knows), I will be splitting these posts into chatting about my process, character development, edits etc. and then include extracts that aren't too spoilery! I think it'll be okay for the first sections of the book, especially as alot of the first few chapters is character building and imagery to set the scene, tone and atmosphere.

Also, the working title of "Bleeding Out" that I HATED with a PASSION is finally gone! My novel is now called Butterfly Blood based on a excerpt way in the future of the story. (Which I'm very excited to share c: )

I wrote the prologue after I’d finished the first chapter, to introduce the book and it’s mystery in a more captivating way than it had initially been introduced.

Frog finds himself underground in the middle of a forest with no knowledge of his surrounds, his past, or his identity. He clings to one certainty, that he is and was raised by frogs. (This book is a bit wack, just roll with it.)

As he crawls into the middle of the road, a truck starts hurtling toward him and careens off the road last minute. The driver drops down and searches for for Frog, but cannot find anyone.

There is no blood, no screaming, no mangled man wailing on the ground. Reluctantly, the driver withdraws from the dark and locks himself in the enclosed cabin of his truck, steadying his breathing.

As the exhaust sputters to life again, and tires tug against the initial friction of the gravel, the disappearance twists the driver’s thoughts.

His passenger clings with sticky tree frog palms to the trucks stomach; well-oiled organs huffing heat and fumes onto his face.

So this book actually began with a very horribly written chapter. The structure was a mess and for some reason I kept bombarding the reader with information about my main character Rowan and really pushing forward the idea that she’s an energetic person... Which was stiff and just poor writing, honestly. (Also, I've changed my ideas since about how I want to characterise her.) But out of the 3000 word (approx) start, there were salvageable aspects, and those went into the first chapter along with a lot more fleshing out of the scenes, setting and character. I also finally decided on a tense and perspective after being super inconsistent with it and unable to make my mind up.

But! We got there in the end, I just thought I’d share my struggle since writing is not a perfect process and there is a lot of rearranging, and sometimes it feels like pulling teeth.

The premise of this chapter is to set the scene of Blackerwick (a fictional, dreary british seaside town), introduce Rowan (our main character), and the complex relationship with her father, who has become insular over the past month before the story starts.

—excerpts;

A little world building and set up!

Everything about the sleepy town Rowan’s family had moved to is soaked in a distinct achromatic despondency. Inland residents slumped and slogged in their routines, never caring to change them, almost afraid of living. It had confused Rowan at first when she’d come here from Ireland at fourteen, how much the dull town contrasted its landscape. It seemed undeserving of such beauty; a tall mountain range to the left of Blackerwick, and beyond it a city; wide stretches of moors headed toward the forests, and beyond the forests—the ocean. It was as if all the world’s natural beauties had congregated here millions of years ago as the earth slid into place, waiting for settlers to enjoy it. They didn’t even seem to notice.

    Fading out of view behind her, a mangle of dark rooftops mesh amongst each other, a severe contrast to the pallidly painted house fronts, and chimneys slice into the sky, puffing endlessly on their pipes.

Hot air is exhaled from the horizon, tugging striking, unruly orange hair from her heavy ponytail as it whistles past her face. She closes her eyes peacefully against the feverish winds, her clothes buffeting and pounding as if fighting it off. Grinning, she leans toward the sea, trusting its breath to hold her weight.

In the course of this chapter Rowan has had an altercation with her teacher and gotten a detention, pushed through the forests toward the beach, and now is returning home. She rouses her dad’s attention by feigning a headache, because he doesn’t bother with her unless he sees she is in pain etc. Now for some quality mild gore!

    Turning, she leans in to hug him when she realises there’s blood gushing from her nose.

    “Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit! Not again!” Rowan scoops shaking hands to her nose, tacky blood spilling over her fingertips. “Dad, Dad!”

    He is already on it, tipping her head back into his cupped palm, holding tissues tightly to her nose. She wheezes and sputters, the world spinning as she lurches toward the sink, clinging to the draining board to keep her balance. Everything red, the four walls of the kitchen, red. Her blurring vision, red. Everything bleeding like her gums beneath grinding teeth as she bites down on the impulse to say something. She wants to scream, or throw up, head swimming as her world tilts upside down. Her skull rests in her father’s strong palm, a fleshy safety net.

Wash your mouth out with soap, ma’am. 

I was considering having Rowan not swear around her father, but her mother is pretty aggressive and her dad (Karmen) swears regularly, so it doesn’t seem too outrageous anymore. (I could never, my mum would flip).

When the bleeding slows finally, and her chin closes in on her neck again she notices her father’s shirt is covered with dried, grubby gore. It looks like he is bleeding out from a deep gash notched into his chest. His heart clawed savagely from its dwelling. 

Karmen being a worried dad is best dad;

     “You said not again.” He says finally, as she gathers herself, filling glass after glass with water and gulping hungrily, throat tilted toward the sky.

    “I’ve been getting more than usual recently.” She replies nonchalantly.

    “That’s shouldn’t be normal.” He says.

     Rowan shrugs, “I’ve always been prone to bleeding and bruising.” As if to defend herself or prove her case, she pulls down her jeans slightly, revealing a black contusion on her hip. It fades into swarthy purple and blue; a gradient discolouring her pale freckled skin; a deep ink blot, as if the flesh had been punctured with a fountain pen.

    Her dad hisses sharply. “How did you do that? I told you not to go into those woods anymore!”

Ok! Enough blood! I really made nosebleeds overly dramatic lol.

Anywho!

the first 2000 ish words of this chapter follow Frog (he's later named Mint), and let me tell you, his perspective came so naturally, and was such an interesting world view to write in. I'm not saying i like him, but I enjoy writing him for sure.

This chapter was initially 2100 words and I intended it to be a brief introduction of mint, but I merged it with the next one because I thought they joined together nicely. The other aspects of this chapter introduce more of the friend group (honestly the only relevent characters within this group are Damian and Jamie, the rest are low-key assholes) and set up later events.

—excerpts;

Mint is wandering in the forest, and hunting.

He slinks into step with the deer as it rises, shaking his head as it shakes its placid mane. Serenity slices the air in two.

     Frog strikes.

    The blade almost glitters in the air as it shoots toward the limpid animal’s vulnerable throat, veins pulsing beneath frosty, translucent fur. Incorporeal beast. A surreptitious streak in the night, headfirst, embedding with a gurgle and a coarse, barbaric scream. Deer’s aren't meant to sound like this. Like a human, like something capable of feeling and hurting. Frog wriggles the blade out of its fleshy sheath and exhales into a whistle. He looks gleefully at the drowned grass damp with blood. Gushing over his squirming toes.

      Its crown tumbles to the soil, antlers embedding deep into the foliage at Frogs feet. He sits beside Stag on the floor laden with pine needles--wreathing its glazed face like christ’s crown-- and strokes the un-bloodied fur of its forehead, holding its unblinking, waxy glare. Frog is the victor.

Frog/Mint is hunting! He kills a stag! Then he brutally dissects it;

      Peeling away at the thick membrane enshrouding Stag's skull, with tender interest, Frog carves muscle and fat from its head, pellucid and opaline, dropping the pale crumbs of carcass onto the ground. The deer’s dense ghost is not yet cold in his crimson tinted hands. 

Rowan feeling numb, because oh boy us writers like to see our characters in pain;

The water is scalding. Rowan breaks out in goose bumps. Catching her reflection in the rippling bathwater she almost doesn’t recognise herself. Flushed, pale cheeks. All sharp edges, cheekbones slicing beneath the eyes, graceful slanting nose scooping down into a slight point. Her lips protrude from her face, full and large, accommodating an easy smile. Rowan pulls her downturned lips into a small grin. The constructed happiness blurs in the water. Holding her breath, she leans into the baths hot grip, filling with her fiery hair.

    The silence smudges in her ears.

I also wrote some banter-y dialogues but I think I'll share them another time... After they've been edited.... a heck ton... There's an over exaggerated smoking description in this chap too but I've shared that before heh :)

I hope you enjoyed this LONG overdue chapter update! So far there are 7 chapters, so I have a lot of updating to catch up on! :)

I don’t have a tag list at the moment, but if you’re interested in this wip and want to be on it, then please send me an ask or a comment and I’ll add you :)

Tag list, ask to be added or removed;

@alicewestwater @elaz-ivero @coffeeandcalligraphy @hanwatchingmovies @sirfitzroys @chloeswords @nev-953

[fangirlshrewt97]

The Start of the Rest of Our Lives

Author(s): Fangirlshrewt97

Fandom: Good Omens

Pairing: Aziraphale/Crowley

Characters: Aziraphale, Crowley

Rating: Teen and Up

Warnings: No warnings apply.

Additional Tags: Fluff, Picnic, New Year's Eve, First Kiss, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Love Confessions, Getting Together

Summary: Crowley finally plans that picnic his angel proposed so many years ago, and hopes that everything works out according to plan.

(Spoilers: It actually works even better than he expected for once).

 For: @doomed-spectacles

 Link to A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22054321

                                        ---------------------------

Crowley was trying his best not to vibrate himself out of the car as he trembled from nerves and excitement at the day he had been working towards for nearly three months now. Since the Not-Apocalypse, the demon had made full use of his freedom from Hell to spend as much time as he could with his angel without both of them having to look over their shoulders or make excuses to spend time together. He could confidently say these days had been some of the most satisfying days he has lived on Earth since here was posted here over 6000 years ago. 

Of course, there had been moments in history that were precious to him, and humans he had met he would carry in his (non-existent) demonic heart forever, but nothing and no one could top his angel. Since they had outwitted their former employers and were granted the liberty to live their lives mostly unsupervised (neither Heaven or Hell fired anyone, they were far too bureaucratic for that the two had learned when they each received a letter saying the former employers were expecting them to continue their duties, even if there would no longer be direct missions sent to them). This new arrangement (small A because this was not an important enough detail to deserve a capital A) suited the two perfectly, since because one, even if they had gone against their employers, the two had not actually minded doing their jobs (that they were both terrible at said jobs if one read the job description is a matter between them and themselves only). Two, it gave them the chance to “thwart” one another when they tried to pull off something ridiculous, and most importantly, it gave them the chance to still perform miracles on humans without worrying that it would draw their employers attention and bring them to their doorstep.

See the thing with having the cosmic power to defy every law of nature of the universe that non-ethereal or non-occult being is subjected to means that it builds up in you, and you need to let it out every once in a while. Otherwise it creates a feeling not unlike constipation, not that the angel or demon knew what that felt like. But go too long without performing miracles, or at least a large one periodically, and you get an uncomfortable pressure throughout the body as though, which is actually the magic trying to burst out of the mortal flesh. (Side note: There have been a couple of incidents involving non-ethereal and non-occult beings letting the feeling build-up until it was too much and consequently explode out of their mortal flesh into their true forms throughout history. These have been reported as anything from (accurate?) evidence of the existence of God to confirmation of the existence of extraterrestrial life on Earth (again, not entirely false since technically angels and demons are not of the Earth).

Ok, getting back to the story, where were we? Oh right, the demon Crowley was in his car on the way to the Bookshop (capitalized because there are a lot of bookshops in the world, but only one Bookshop. Important enough to deserve the capitalization). He had been planning a surprise for his Angel since the Not-Apocalypse as a way to celebrate, well, everything. Not dying, surviving an apocalypse, paying a surprising small price for having lost the Antichrist and completely screwed up the one job they had, humans being their most human selves, and the World. The World included not just the present physical planet with 7 billion humans and several more trillion animals and other living organisms. The World was the philosophical, and if you asked a certain Angel, the spiritual concept of a place filled with hope and goodness, alongside evil and greed and lust and all the other deadly Sins. It was a place that created wonderful artists, a place filled to the brim with people who if they were called on to help, would help a stranger just because they were in a position to. Humans were created in Her image, but in Crowley’s opinion, they excelled even Her expectations when they chose to be kind. It wasn’t always, hell could attest to the amount of humans who were depraved and evil, and those who just made their short lives even harder for their fellow men. But when it truly counted, humans could also be capable of the most astonishing acts of kindness.

So yes, these were things all worth celebrating. Grated celebrating them closer to the date would probably have been more appropriate, but it hadn’t occurred to the demon at that point. But tonight was December 31, and the humans were gearing up to celebrate the start of a new year, and a new decade. He had been inspired by all the different lists and podcasts, and other various decorations that had been popping around London in preparation for the event. Well, that isn’t fully accurate, but it works for the story.

All of that had resulted in him working to make a special event for this angel so they could usher in this new year in a special way alongside their humans. As 6000 year old creatures, time ran differently for them, and neither put much value in celebrating these measly transitions in time that the humans insisted were important. Also hard to take the new year celebrations so seriously when you have lived through so many different calendar systems, including pre-Gregorian calendars.

He pulled into his spot in front of the shop , hitting the brakes a little to late and nearly driving over the curb and hitting the pedestrian on the crosswalk who shouted at him and gave him the middle finger. Crowley waved him away and snapped his fingers to make sure the Bently was parked correctly before exiting the vehicle. The shop’s door showed a ‘Closed’ sign as always, but that sign never applied to him. He snapped his fingers and walked through the newly opened doors, calling out to his Angel.

“Aziraphale! Where are you?”

“Just a second my dear, I will be right out!” came a muffled reply from upstairs on the second floor.

Shrugging, Crowley sauntered on to his normal sofa and sank down on the seat, spreading his legs and lounging comfortably. He was trying to subtly take deep breaths so he didn’t give himself away too quickly to the angel. If he ruined the surprise now, he would never forgive himself.

“Ahh Crowley, there you are. How are you doing?” Aziraphale asked as he rounded the corner and made his way to the loveseat opposite the demon.

“Ehh, same as always. Listen, do you have any plans for today?”

“Today? I don’t think so, why?”

“Well today is New Year’s eve.”

“Oh! Oh look at that, it is! I had noticed the decorations going up but completely missed the date! Oh how wonderful Crowley.”

“Yes, yes it is great and everything, but look, well…” And then Crowley got stuck. See he had this whole plan in his head about how he was going to be so smooth, how he was going to sweet talk the angel into coming with him on a drive to the countryside, how they were going to have that picnic that Aziraphale had proposed all those years ago. But now, when the time came to actually get the words out, he felt them stop and choke him. There were so many things that could go wrong. What had he been thinking? What if the angel said no? Just because they were good friends and spending so much time together did not necessarily mean the Angel would just go along with all his schemes. What if he thought it was a scheme? And that Crowley was trying to get something from him? Oh Go- Sat- Someone, what if Aziraphale thought Crowley was crazy for doing this?

He was brought out of his panic spiral at a soft touch to his forearm. He blinked a couple times and startled to see that the Angel had moved to hover nervously over him. “Crowley?” Aziraphale asked, and his tone suggested this was not the first time he had called out to him.

“I um-”

“Dear what happened? You were saying something and you froze…”

“I…” Damn it, he hadn’t even gotten the question out and he had already ruined the evening!

“You?”

Crowley wanted to yell, or bite his tongue, or at least give his head a good slam against the wall. He was an idiot. Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. Just ask the angel the question. And if the worst case scenario happens, well then, go home and lick his wounds. And possibly sleep through the next week, or month maybe. He hadn’t had a proper long nap in years.

“IwasthinkingwecouldgoforadriveoutofLondontoescapeallthehumanssinceIknowyouaren’tthebiggestfanofalltherackettheymakeatmidnight.” Was what ended up spilling out his mouth in a single exhale. Fucking hell, he wished the earth would open up and swallow him whole already.

“What?” Aziraphale asked as his face shifted from worry to confusion, and he backed away to stand straight. Crowley instantly missed the delicious warmth of the angel from the point of contact that he hadn’t even noticed until it was missing.

Taking a deep breath, Crowley tried again. “I said, I was thinking we could go for a drive out of London to escape all the humans since I know you aren’t the biggest fan of all the racket they make at midnight. The countryside will be a lot quieter since there will be less people, and if we leave now, we might even get out of London before sunset.”

“Oh!” Aziraphale exclaimed before looking around as if considering his decision. He only looked away for a few seconds before a satisfied smile settled on his lips, making Crowley’s heart thunder. “You know what, I think that is an absolutely splendid idea. Give me 10 minutes to get ready alright.”

The thundering was so loud, Crowley could barely hear him. “Whatever you need ‘Ziraphale.”

Go-Sat-Someone help him, a smile should not be able to be so bright, Crowley thought.

His hands had started to shake again, and he used the time to take deep breaths and get his nerves under control again. Ok, everything was going well. The angel didn’t hate him, and he was even looking forward to this. Part 1 of the plan was a success. On to Part 2.

As promised, Aziraphale was ready to leave in 10 minutes, and the angel and demon exited the Bookshop and entered the Bentley. As soon as they started driving away from the shop, the car’s radio crackled to life and Queen started to blare through the speakers. Crowley turned it down a couple notches so that they could still talk, and zig-zagged his way through London’s traffic, using a minor miracle to get out of the city.

His hands tightened on the wheel and he accelerated even more when they got to the M25, memories of the ring of fire, and subsequent drive still relatively fresh on his mind. As such, they were out of the city fast enough, and they sped through the English countryside in peaceful quiet. It was a quiet neither was particularly used to, and cherished all the more for it. Quiet moments were usually always filled with anticipation or tension, fear of being caught saying something they weren’t supposed to or getting caught exchanging glances that might reveal too much. So peaceful quiets were actually a relatively new occurrence between the two, silences where they were allowed to just bask in the comfort of their companion and enjoy living life not looking over both their shoulders.

At one point, Aziraphale cranked the window on his side down a bit, letting the faintest of breezes flow through the car, and they would almost swear they could smell the earth preparing itself for a new year, it was so full of promise for a new beginning. He leaned against his door, allowing himself to drop his usually rigid posture, and enjoyed the view as their chosen country zoomed past him. Glancing to his right quickly, he ducked his head as a desire suddenly overtook him, making his blush.

“Everything alright angel?” Crowley murmured, not wanting to break the delicate quiet.

“Um yes, everything is perfect my dear.” Aziraphale said hurriedly, not wanting to get caught.

The demon hummed but it was with a note of disbelief.

Biting his lip, Aziraphale looked to the sky before deciding to make a brave choice himself, and he reached out to tentatively set his hand on top of the demon’s hand on the gear stick. He heard rather than saw the sharp gasp from the demon, and felt the hand below his twitch for a second. Afraid he had a made a mistake, he moved to take his hand away, but was quickly stopped when said hand gripped his wrist. He turned to look at Crowley, but he was still looking at the road, and anyways his eyes were hidden beneath his sunglasses, making it impossible to tell what was going on in those beautifully expressive eyes of his.

Without saying anything, Crowley twisted his hand to twist his fingers through Aziraphale’s and settled their joined hands over the gear stick. His face twitched slightly but he gave nothing away as he kept looking forward but Aziraphale would swear the demon’s face and ears were slightly redder than before.

Aziraphale’s own lips twitched into a satisfied smile, and he leaned back in his seat to keep looking at the view, heart beating happily as he fought to not smile like a maniac.

They had been driving for nearly two hours when Crowley finally pulled up his car in the middle of seemingly nowhere. He didn’t say anything as he parked the car, but they both stifled a small noise when he had to untangle their joined hands to get out of the car. Aziraphale followed him out, and saw that they were in a hilly area, and the closest sign of humans was a small cottage building barely visible from where he stood.

“Where are we exactly Crowley?” The angel asked, more out of curiosity than because it really mattered. Anywhere that had the demon in it was a good place as far as he was concerned. Even crowded London.

“It’s a surprise angel. Come on, we need to hike a little bit.” Crowley said as he came around to his side, a basket in his hands that was not there previously. Aziraphale raised an eyebrow at him, but Crowley just shrugged helplessly at him. Aziraphale settled for his normal smile and nodded his head once, gesturing for the demon to lead the way. The demon started walking ahead before slowing down, and glancing at his hands hesitatingly.

“Crowley?” Aziraphale asked as he stood close enough to brush shoulders with him. The demon took a fortifying breath, and blushed fiercely as Aziraphale felt fingers coming to entwine with his. A glimpse downward made the angel’s breath hitch as he saw they were holding hands, and that happy feeling from before returned 10 times stronger than before. Despite the cold air, the gesture made Aziraphale feel warmed from the inside out. He smiled widely as Crowley, and felt it widen even more as he saw the demon blush even redder, face twisted in embarrassment. He decided not to say anything, best not to tease the already embarrassed demon. He gave their hands a squeeze, and could make out the demon’s shoulders tensing slightly before relaxing completely.

Coughing slightly, the demon started to walk, and led the angel up a couple of hills till they made it to the peak of what was probably the tallest hill in their radius. Aziraphale’s eyes widened as he took in the view. It was sunset, and the sky was painted in the most wonderful colors. The air was crisp at this height, and so far from human civilization, it felt like they had been thrown back through the ages to a time before the humans had conquered the world.

“Oh Crowley, how precious…” he mumbled as he moved forward to look around.

“I thought you might like it…” Crowley mumbled back as he shifted his weight from one leg to another. He removed his hand from Aziraphale’s and when the angel turned to look at him, saw him walking slightly away to place the basket on the ground. From it, he pulled out a red and black chequered blanket that he spread out on the grass. He reached back into the basket and started pulling out all types of foods, those vegetable sandwiches from the shop near Mayfair, mince meat pies that smelled exactly like those they had shared at a gala a couple centuries ago, a plate of apple slices, cake from his favorite bakery, a bread basket, champagne, red wine, white wine.

As the realization of what was happening settled, Aziraphale felt some tears prick his eyes, and turned quickly to discreetly wipe them with his handkerchief. It wouldn’t do for Crowley to catch him weeping and think he had done something wrong. As if he could. Oh how long had the angel loved this demon in ways he should never have been able to. Yes the night of the church bombing had made the feelings impossible to deny to himself any longer, but he had loved the demon a lot longer than he suspected even he knew.

And how could he not. Loving Crowley was a constant in his life for so long now, he could hardly remember a time before he did when he looked back at the past. His kind, gentle demon, who was so good with children, and wanted to save and help and save as many as he could despite being a demon. The one who never denied him anything, who gave him anything he wanted, who fulfilled any request he made. Just like now. A picnic.

“Aziraphale?” Crowley asked, and the angel blinked quickly to clear up his eyes and turned to look at him. The demon was standing next to the blanket, looking like an impossible mix of trying not to care and an anxious mess, sunglasses off so he could see those golden eyes he loved so. “You said we should have a picnic. I know it took about 5 or 6 decades, but would you please join me for one now?”

Aziraphale felt tears flood his eyes again, and burst out laughing as Crowley’s eyes widened in panic. The demon flailed briefly before coming right beside him. “No no angel, we don’t have to if you don’t want to, I am sorry this was a stupid idea, I can drive you back to London if you want-”

Aziraphale shut the demon’s rant but pulling him to his chest, taking the demon in his arms as he had longed to for so long. The demon inhaled sharply and stood stiffly in his arms for a good while before slowly, tentatively bringing his own arms to encircle the angel. When he saw no rebuke, he tighten his arms. The two held on tightly to each other, a silent confession of a love 6000 years in the making. By the time Aziraphale shifted enough to loosen his hold, the sun had set and the moon was casting a low glow over the whole area.

Feeling just a bit like a bastard, he held out his fingers and pulled them down. “Let there be light!”

“Argh, Angel!” Crowley growled at the sudden increase in brightness.

But Aziraphale was smiling his most innocent smile, the utter bastard, damn Crowley loved him so much.

“If we are to have all that delicious food my dear, we should be able to see it.”

“I know there aren’t that many humans around but that doesn’t mean they can’t pop up, and I for one have no desire to miracle away memories of the poor wanker that stumbles on us.”

“Well what do you propose then?” Aziraphale asked, eyebrow arched.

Crowley turned and walked back to the blanket in lieu of a reply and pulled out some candles which he proceeded to light and set around the blanket, but far enough away they wouldn’t accidentally set anything on fire. When he was done, he nodded at Aziraphale’s light. The angel conceded and snapped his fingers, casting them in a romantic glow of just the candles. The stars above them seemed to twinkle brighter, and the moonlight seemed softer.

The angel moved to sit next to Crowley, crossing his legs underneath him as he looked over at the feast his demon had prepared.

“How long did you take to plan all this my dear?” Aziraphale asked softly.

Crowley ran a hand through his hand as he murmured an inaudible answer. The angel chuckled softly and placed a warm palm over the demon’s closest thigh, and moved to press a soft kiss to his cheek. Crowley whipped his head to quickly the angel was concerned he gave himself whiplash. But the new position meant the two were sharing their breath, closer than they had ever been in life. When Crowley’s eyes darted down to his mouth, Aziraphale decided to be brave again, and moved to press his lips lightly to the demon’s. The demon gave another sharp gasp before moving one of his hands to cup Aziraphale’s cheek, deepening the kiss just so.

When they parted, they just looked at each other, love reflected to freely in both their eyes, hearts beating in sync as they felt the world tilt into a softer perspective.

“Thank you dearheart.” Aziraphale whispered, straightening his spine just slightly to rest his forehead on Crowley’s.

“Anything for you Angel. Always.” Crowley whispered back.

Aziraphale was the first to move, shifting to sit back down again, and pulled one of the plates to his lap. “This all looks delicious Crowley.”

The demon shrugged, trying to appear careless again, not that the angel didn’t see through it completely.

The two of them made their way through the feast, pace unhurried, they had the rest of eternity to look forward to and it looked more wonderful than it ever had. And as they kept sitting on that hill, the felt the stars start to almost twinkle brighter, and they shared another kiss when the first firework lit up the peaceful night sky.

It truly was the beginning of a new era.

How wonderful.

[hubakon1368]

DISCLAIMER: This post is not from the author of the fic. If anyone knows the name of the author’s tumblr account (if they have one), would you please tell me? It would be appreciated.

Chapters: 18/? Fandom: Kingdom Hearts Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Kairi & Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Lea & Roxas & Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi & Riku & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Donald Duck & Goofy & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Aqua & Terra & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts), Mickey Mouse & Riku (Kingdom Hearts) Characters: Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Axel (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi (Kingdom Hearts), Merlin (Kingdom Hearts), Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Donald Duck (Kingdom Hearts), Goofy (Kingdom Hearts), Mickey Mouse (Kingdom Hearts), Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Aqua (Kingdom Hearts), Yen Sid (Kingdom Hearts), Vexen (Kingdom Hearts), Demyx (Kingdom Hearts), Ansem the Wise | DiZ, Ienzo (Kingdom Hearts), Xemnas (Kingdom Hearts), Xigbar (Kingdom Hearts), Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts), Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Larxene (Kingdom Hearts), Marluxia (Kingdom Hearts), Leon (Kingdom Hearts), Ventus (Kingdom Hearts), Aeleus (Kingdom Hearts), Dilan (Kingdom Hearts), Tron (Kingdom Hearts), Ansem Seeker of Darkness | Xehanort's Heartless, Xehanort (Kingdom Hearts), Terra (Kingdom Hearts), Jiminy Cricket (Kingdom Hearts), Chirithy (Kingdom Hearts), Naminé (Kingdom Hearts) Additional Tags: Friendship, Spoilers - Kingdom Hearts III, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awesome Kairi (Kingdom Hearts), Keyblades (Kingdom Hearts), Training, Magic, Fight Scenes, Guilt, Regret, Protectiveness, Memories, Lost Memories, Parental/Big Brother Lea/Axel, Hearts, Missing Their Friends, Axel Raised Roxas, Past Isa & Lea (Kingdom Hearts) Friendship, Badass Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Lea/Axel Has Issues, Axel Made Mistakes, Worldbuilding, Sora (Kingdom Hearts)'s Heart, Sora (Kingdom Hearts)'s Heart-Guests, Magic and Science, past trauma, Aqua Has Issues, References To Experiments On Hearts, Bad Things Happened In Radiant Garden, Badass Kairi (Kingdom Hearts), Mentions of Blood, Dive into the heart, Stations of Awakening, Serious Injuries, Knives, Burns, Protective Lea/Axel, Platonic Relationships, Near Death Experiences, Badass Donald Duck (Kingdom Hearts), Donald Duck Has Magic, Roxas (Kingdom Hearts) Has Issues, Xion (Kingdom Hearts) Has Issues, Donald Duck (Kingdom Hearts) Actually Uses Cure, Nightmares, Platonic Love, Platonic Cuddling, Hugs, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends as Family, Canon Temporary Character Death Series: Part 1 of Instinctively Family

Chapter 18: Keyblade Graveyard

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Notes: Sorry that I made you guys wait so long. My brain and inspiration were held hostage by another fandom. Then I got distracted by all the excitement of "ReMind"… before my brain was recaptured by the other fandom again. It's been a bit insane and I do apologize. Thankfully, due to the fact that events have already been altered a bit in this story, I don't have to worry about trying to incorporate everything from the DLC. I might snag some bits and pieces if they would fit in, but there will be no stable time-loop heart-hopping shenanigans in this fic.

I do have some good news. There is a planned sequel for this fic. It'll be titled "Parental Instinct" (with the duology being called "Instinctively Family"). It'll be a bit more domestic with less combat that this one. Mostly it'll be focused on the question of "what now" as Lea, Roxas, Xion, and even Isa try to move forward, building a life outside of the Organization and Keyblade Wars while also dealing with the fallout of everything. That should give you something to look forward to.

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Lea knew what they were doing. The real Organization XIII was doing the exact same thing that Larxene and Marluxia tried a few days ago. They were throwing as many Heartless and such as possible at the guardians in the hopes of wearing them down. And as soon as the guardians of light were exhausted and vulnerable, that was when Master Xehanort's followers would strike.

It was a good plan. Beat them down with sheer numbers. Wave after wave of Heartless, some scattered Nobodies, and the strange creatures that Ventus hurriedly identified as Unversed at one point. Eventually someone would make a mistake. He could see their logic. Lea might have tried the same strategy in their position.

But none of them were giving up yet.

Once more, Lea found himself in the middle of a cluster of protective Keyblade-wielding teenagers. The rest were spread out, but his self-appointed bodyguards kept close. He did appreciate the gesture and help. But mostly he appreciated that he could keep track of them easier that way.

They'd gotten more coordinated on how they split up the job of giving him backup. Xion had perfected a high-level Reflect spell at some point, the transparent shield similar to the one he'd glimpsed Aqua using. Lea kept finding it around him at regular intervals. Xion cast that spell whenever she thought he might get overwhelmed. Kairi's continuous use of Cura helped with the hits that he couldn't avoid and his general strength. As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew that he wasn't up to his normal energy levels. And the larger Heartless never had a chance to get close before Roxas drove it back. The boy channeled all his understandable anger and frustration into every swing. And occasionally the kids would team up together to pull off a combo attack, clearing out large chunks of the enemy from around Lea.

He was mildly surprised when Roxas, Xion, and Ventus worked together on a large clump of Nobodies approaching through the stone chasm. Apparently Roxas had set aside his discomfort with the other boy either temporarily or permanently. Or at least enough of that unease was gone that they could compliment each other's fighting styles. It was honestly a relief. There were enough complicated and uncomfortable issues. It would be far easier if at least some of Lea's various friends could get along.

When they got Isa back, he couldn't imagine how awkward that would be.

When. Not if.

None of them had much of a chance to catch their breaths though. The second wave of Heartless were just as numerous as the first. And Lea doubted that Sora would be able to summon up another magic rollercoaster to tear through them.

Not that Sora wasn't already doing an impressive job. While everyone else focused on the task of maintaining the perimeter and keeping more enemies from spilling over, Sora, Donald, and Goofy were in the center of everything. The trio were dealing with the nightmarish amalgamation.

Lea didn't know of a better way to describe the Demon Tide except as a mass of smaller Heartless clustered together. A swarm of Shadows that travel in waves and narrow twisters that thrash and lash out. It twisted and swirled through the air before diving into the ground through patches of darkness, bursting out somewhere else to attack from a new angle. The thing moved like something between a serpent and a thin cyclone. And Sora, Donald, and Goofy managed to corral the thrashing mass of Heartless while the rest of the guardians remained on the outskirts.

And then Sora's Keyblade turned into a pair of arrowguns. Because apparently that was a trick that he picked up somewhere. Almost like that weird suit of armor turning a Keyblade into a whip.

[gaypanda]

Not Even Sunflowers Can Grow In Our Toxic Love Pt.1

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Tony Stark 

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Non 

Summery: It’s October in 1995, Tony Stark is 24. All he need is coffee and his lab. Then he meets Steve Rogers an artist. They fall in love. They face the world together. Yet, sunflowers can’t grow in their love, but that’s okay morning glory can. That should be enough.

A/N: Hello, Humans. This is a fan-fiction that I’m working on. I hope you like it. This will also be posted on ao3 with the same title. I will let you guys know there will be somethings that I will tag as I go. I’m doing this not to deceive anyone, but the tags would be spoilers. Any ways I hope you enjoy. 

He stayed in the lab until three in the morning and had a seven A.M class to attend. Sadly he couldn’t just skip it to sleep, because the teacher for some god awful reason gave a grade for attendance. Which meant that he had to actually go to class. In the hopes that he might survive the day he rushed off to get coffee. With coffee in hand he could actually be a person. Only to get to class and have the espresso-filled cup spill on all the notes he had taken that night. With coffee gone and notes ruined Tony end up falling asleep in class. After that two hour monstrosity, he was able to go back and get more coffee before his physics lecturer where he needed to be able to correct the stupid TA that was teaching the class. 

Once Tony entered the coffee shop only to see that they got a new barista. He looked like a blond Superman. Tony stood in line trying to think of a good pick up line to use on the blond man. Slowly the line got shorter and Superman got closer.

“What can I get for you, Sir?” Blond superman asked

“How about you tell me how to time travel from World War Two and my dad’s lab” Tony asked. Only to mentally scolded himself. Why did he think that a pick up line about his dad's failed super soldier experiments during World War 2 would work or make sense? God he needed coffee.”I mean can I have an extra large cup filled with just espresso and a dash of milk.”    

“Are you okay, Sir?” Superman asked while he wrote down Tony’s order. He had a faint smile on his lips.

“No, I need caffeine or I will die!” Tony said pulling out a twenty and handing it over to blond superman,”keep the change by the way.” Tony said as he walked a way to wait for his “coffee”. 

“Espresso for ‘Or I will die’” one of the other barista’s yell a little while later. Tony rushed over to the barista and grabbed the cup and went straight to drinking it. 

When he looked down at the side of the cup he say some writing on the side along with a number. ‘Your pick up lines suck maybe you should try again -Steve’

Tony smiled at the number. He finished his coffee pulled out his phone and put Steve’s number in it.

To:Steve 

I think it worked if you gave me your number. My name is Tony by the way.

Tony smiled as he walked to class. Maybe today wasn’t turning out to bad. Now he just had to deal with mister “I know more Physics than you do so shut up”. The man sucked at physics. Tony was constantly correcting his work. At this point He was practically teaching the class. This is what he gets for trying to be normal. 

After that god awful class Tony was done for the day. This meant he could go home and crash. He lived a couple of blocks away from campus in one of the larger apartments. He lived alone more often than not. His best friend Rhodey would took the guest room when he is home from the air-force. 

Tony meet Rhodey in high school. Rhodey got in the private school by scholarships and pure dedication. He had taken every AP class he could and then he took the test. Somehow he always passed those tests with nothing lower than a 4. By the time they graduated high school Rhodey was halfway done with college. He ended up signing up for the air-force and enrolling in MIT.Tony was proud of his best friend. Every once in a while Rhodey would stay at Tony’s. 

The other person who would stay the night was Tony's other best friend Pepper. Pepper was an intern at Stark industries she was better than the people that Tony's dad had working there. Pepper took no shit. Tony fell in love right away, but Pepper said that she didn’t date spoiled rich kids. From then on they were friends. Pepper calling him out for his shit, and him repaying her with expensive shoes and dresses. By now Tony had given her his credit card when he messed up so she could buy her own apology clothes. When people asked if he was scared that she was just using he for his money Tony laughed and told them if she was then she would have dated and married him. No, Pepper was one of his closest friends, and one day she was going to run Stark Industries. 

Tony smiled as he thought of his friends. Thinking of Pepper, he should ask her if she wants to come over and do a movie night.Tony pulled out his phone to text her when he noticed he had a message. 

From: Steve

You got me. Although what was that pick up line? You need to tell me that story. How about you do that over some dinner. What do say about 6 at the pizza place north of the art building. 

Wow this guy was smooth was all Tony could think as he read the message.

To: Steve 

Yeah I can do that.

Tony looked at the time. It was 12:13 which meant he had just enough time to eat quick sandwich, tell Pepper, take a nap, Pepper barge in help him dress, and get there by 6. Oh how he wishes that could be the case.

Once home Tony did make a sandwich, but only to have Pepper walk in. 

"You have a date, and I'm only being told now." Peppers eyebrow raised as she looked at him and his sandwich. 

"Umm, yea, you were informed the same time I was. Oh yeah his name is Steve. I meet him at one of the three coffee shops near campus. I was too tired to remember which one.” Tony said as he eats his sandwich. Pepper looked at him with disgust as he ate with food in his mouth.  

“Okay,” she sighed,” what time is this date?”

“6 o’clock”

“Do you need help getting read. What don’t answer that of course you do.” Pepper smiled at him. Tony know that she was proud of him for going out on a date with a guy. Tony for the longest time refused to except that he was bisexual. Howard, Tony's dad, was very homophobic. Tony who always wanted his father approve tried to push down the part of him that liked boys. Slowly With the help of Rhodey and Pepper Tony learned that it was okay to like both girls and boys. He still hasn’t told Howard and never will, and Tony’s okay with that.

Tony smiled at her before telling Pepper that he need to nap for at least 3 hours before he could do anything. Pepper just laughed as Tony walked to his room and crashed.

“Tony it’s 4 o’clock you need to get up.” a female voice told. Tony sighed, turned away from the voice, and tried to go back to sleep.

“Tony if you want to make it to your date with Blond superman. Than you need to get up and get ready.” The female voice, now Tony could say was Pepper, told him. With another sigh he open his eyes. Pepper was standing over him. Her red tied back in a bun, along with the suit she was wearing made her look like a mom. 

“ Pepper you look like one of those work moms that is waking up her kid for school, before heading off to work.” Tony laughed.

“God knows I’m not paid enough to wake you up for school.” She rolls her eyes and walks over to Tony’s closet to pick out his date clothes.

“You’re not paid to be my friend Pep. You just love me too much to leave.” Tony said as got up to shower. Stepping in to the bathroom Tony stripped. He turned on the shower and stepped in. The warm water helped wake him up the rest of the way. Tony stands under the hot water letting it wash away the stress of the day. After an unknown time Tony thought it best to rushing through the rest of the shower. When he got out Pepper had already picked out what he was going to wear. She had pulled Tony’s maroon dress shirt and a pair of black jeans.

“I own a pair of skinny jeans?” Tony asked side eyeing to jeans

“They aren’t skinny jeans they’re just jeans. Of course you own jeans Tony want do you wear in the lab?” Pepper respond with a raised eyebrow.

“Jeans but those jeans have holes and grease. Those jeans love me Pep. How did those even get in to my closet?” Tony said as he pulled on the shirt and a pair of briefs. 

“I got you them for your birthday last year, but never showed you to make sure didn’t get rid of them. Now put them on they will make your ass look phenomenal.” Pepper said throwing them at Tony only to have them land on his arm and fall to the ground. Reluctantly Tony put them on. Pep was right they did make his ass look great.

Once dressed Tony made his way to the bathroom to put on some makeup. After being in the public eye his whole life Tony was always having makeup put on him. In his teen years one of her girlfriends thought that it would be fun to do his makeup in the way that girls do it. After that Tony found he liked how he looked fully done up. From then on he would do his makeup for dates and parties. Tony decided to a simple look with only eyeliner, mascara, and a red lipstick. 

When he walked out he saw Pepper sitting on his bed. She smiled at him before telling him, “Now Tony you need to play nice with Steve. Remember that if wants to play you need to be safe. So don’t be silly Tony and wrap your willy.” 

“But mom all the other kids don’t wrap their willies.” Tony laughed.

“ Yes and look at where that got them. Pregnant and getting chlamydia, so lets- lets” Pepper couldn’t finish she was laughing to much. Tony at his friend at they laughed at her stupid joke.

“Okay Pep I need to leave if I’m going to make it on time. Also Pep I’m not the kinda guy that goes wam bam thank you mama.” He said as grabbed his wallet and keys. Before closing the door he hear Pepper shout

“Tony that’s all you did last year.” As she continued to laugh.

Tony walked to the pizza place that he had been told to meet Steve at. He stood at the door looking in and he saw his blond superman. Tony’s heart fluttered and butterflies swarmed in his stomach. Tony knew that this was the start of something amazing. With a deep breath Tony opened the door and walked.

[macgyvermedical]

“Let’s Get to it, Nature Boy” a “Lidar+Rogues+Duty” Medical Review

A lot of times I sit down to write these reviews and think something like “wow, there’s a lot to unpack here.” Fortunately for this review, the only thing I thought was that somewhere an NSA agent is definitely going to have to read this because of all the alarming keywords. Hope they like clavicles.

Let’s get to it. Spoilers ahead.

The main story centers around Mac and Desi going on a mission to recover the body of LCDR Robert Reese, an old friend of Mac’s who was presumed dead when his plane crashed in an unauthorized part of Azerbaijan. While there they find that Reese is still alive, though injured, and that a group of American CIA operatives has found a cache of white phosphorus-based chemical weapons which they intend to sell on the black market. Mac and Desi manage to subdue the operatives using homemade tranq darts, prevent the white phosphorus from ending up in the wrong hands, and get Reese back home safely.

The main medical situations in the episode include Mac’s diagnosis and field treatment for Reese’s fractured clavicle, the potential use of white phosphorus as a chemical weapon, and the morphine darts.

A little spoiler for you, the morphine darts are what I’m mad about this week.

The Clavicle:

But let’s start with that clavicle break. The clavicle is the thin bone that makes up the front part of the shoulder, attaching at the shoulder joint and sternum. A broken clavicle is a pretty common sports injury and occurs when the patient falls either directly on the outside of the shoulder, or falls on their hand or forearm and the force travels upward. Due to how close the bone is to the surface, if the bone segments are displaced, deformity from the break is often visible or palpable (feel-able). 

^^The bump is where one of the ends of the bone segments pushed over the other. Euagh.

It’s entirely possible that Reese fell onto his shoulder or forearm when he detached his seat from the parachute, so this (or anything consistent with a fall) is a pretty expected injury. While most remote first aid guides would tell you to sling the arm or wrist (slinging the wrist only takes pressure off the shoulder and reduces pain), the splint Mac makes for it- a version of a “figure eight” splint- is also a real way of splinting a clavicle fracture. The figure eight splint would work much the same way it does in the episode, pulling the outer (distal) part of the clavicle up and back and putting/keeping it in a reasonable place to heal. It would also have the advantage over a simple sling of leaving the affected arm free and somewhat usable (though still not weight-bearing)- something that would be important in a remote and hostile environment.

The thing I’ll nitpick about this scene is the fact that Mac seems to know immediately without looking that Reese has a clavicle fracture, where the break is, and the best way to treat it. Reese was holding his arm awkwardly, looked like he was in pain, reported that he was banged up, and Mac knew that he’d recently fallen out of a tree. Together those would still only point to a shoulder injury, without specifics. Mac would still have to look at it (like, skin level look at it) and probably touch it to know it was a clavicle fracture (and not, say, a dislocation or other fracture) before splinting it.

I understand a lack of assessment was a decision likely made for time’s sake, but assessment is a really, really important part of the process- and it would have made a significant difference in treatment. A figure-eight splint is only helpful when the break is in the middle or closer (proximal) third of the bone, because the strap has to go somewhere that’s not directly over the break. A day after the injury, where they would have been in the episode, there might have been significant swelling and bruising which might make it difficult to know where the break is, and if that figure eight splint would be appropriate.

I probably would have gone with the sling either way, but I see why they did the figure eight (both from a cool TV thing(TM) standpoint and for mobility). Its the lack of assessment that’s the problem, not the intervention for once.

White Phosphorus:

I’m sure you all know the feel when your primary (academic) fascinations in life are toxicology and chemical weapons, so you’re constantly paranoid that you’re one google search or tumblr post away from a SWAT team showing up at your apartment.

About 3 years ago I did a lot of internet research on white phosphorus in order to write a Criminal Minds tag that followed up an episode where a character was tortured with white phosphorus salve (please excuse the minor errors in hospital realism, I had not yet graduated nursing school when I wrote it), and I was really excited that this episode might give me reason to talk about what I learned.

I guess it didn’t exactly, but I’m going to talk about it anyway.

White Phosphorus (known from here on out at WP) is a waxy, yellowish substance useful as a chemical weapon because of its versatility and plethora of uses other than terrorism. It doesn’t occur naturally, but is created and used extensively in industry as a necessary component in the production of fertilizer, cleaning chemicals, munitions, (illegal) fireworks, older rat and cockroach poisons, and certain food additives. Most common exposures are due to industrial spills, not terrorism.

WP can contaminate food, water, and soil as particles, or air as smoke. Eating or drinking contaminated food or water can cause severe gastrointestinal distress and fatal damage to the kidneys, liver, and heart in doses of about 50-100mg. Breathing the smoke can cause airway irritation and coughing, but is rarely if ever fatal at typical concentrations. Exposure to intact skin is also usually not thought to cause lasting damage, though as you’ll see in the next paragraph, that doesn’t happen often.

Another way WP can enter the body, and probably more relevant in the context of its use as a chemical weapon, is through burn wounds. WP tends to burn or explode on contact with any air above 86F (30C), and can cause extensive partial and full-thickness burns. The burns may have a characteristic yellow wound bed, and can pose a hazard to both the patient and rescuers due to the fact that unspent WP particles in the wounds can spontaneously re-ignite. Wounds must be kept damp until the patient is decontaminated to avoid re-ignition of the particles, and the careful use of copper sulfate or silver nitrate as an antidote can make the decontamination process a lot safer and easier.

Note that I don’t recommend googling this unless you have an exceptionally high tolerance for human suffering.

Instead, enjoy these curated pictures:

Picture “A” is of the yellow wound beds, and “B” is all the unspent WP glowing under a UV light. 

The WP passes readily through the burn-damaged tissue, and if the patient survives the burns themselves, can still cause fatal damage to the kidneys, liver, and heart.

Before we move on, I would like to point out one last particularly horrifying aspect of WP poisoning: It does not kill quickly. Initial symptoms of severe gastrointestinal distress may last up to 8 hours, after which a latent period similar to the kind seen in radiation poisoning lasts for about 3 days. Organ failure then develops, which if severe, usually results in death unless dialysis and a liver transplant can happen fast enough.

Tying this back in, you can see why the team didn’t want this getting into the wrong hands.

Morphine Darts

So now we’re finally here at the fun part. And by fun I mean... well, poorly portrayed?

Because honestly? Morphine could take these guys out, or at least make it difficult for them to fight, which would accomplish the goal of leveling the field a little. The problems in this scene lie, as they usually do in TV, in:

The route of administration-

Repeat after me, kids: If you are chucking a needle at someone, you’re hoping against hope to hit a muscle. Did I say “neck needle” anywhere in that sentence? Good. You should know how I feel about them by now.

I know they were going for the needle to have hit the exterior jugular, delivering the dose of morphine IV and therefore making it reasonable that the person could be quickly subdued afterwards without alerting his friends to the guy running around chucking needles at people. To give you an indication of how difficult it would be to do this, however, placing a 18g IV catheter into the exterior jugular (placing an “EJ”) is something RNs are not allowed to do in hospitals because there’s too much room for error. No one, not even MacGyver, could reliably throw something 20 ft and hit the EJ perfectly.

Plus, there’s a lot of really important things in your neck that you don’t want to just forcefully stick needles in randomly. While insulin needles are very small, it would still be safer and more effective and reliable to stick them in large muscles like the thigh or butt, which can also take considerably higher volumes of medication without injury.

The dose-

The validity of the needle chucking contraption notwithstanding, the needles they use in the scene are U100 insulin needles (not exclusive to insulin, that’s just what they’re called), meaning if you filled the entire syringe, the total volume would be only 1ml. Morphine comes in IV concentrations up to 15mg/ml. The most filled syringe I saw in this whole scene was to about the 0.15ml mark, so even assuming they used the frankly ridiculously high concentration of 15mg/ml, that would only be about 2.25mg/dose.

I say “only” because the starting dose of morphine for acute pain clocks in at around 4mg for otherwise healthy people. How much of an impact morphine has has a lot to do with size and tolerance, too. Some of the antagonists in this scene were big enough they probably wouldn’t have been knocked off balance by (or possibly even felt) 2.25mg, let alone felt “10 shots of vodka” as the scene suggests. At the peak of effectiveness, it might have given Desi a slight advantage in a fight, but wouldn’t have taken anyone down.

The time to onset/peak-

The last thing about these I’ll say before I step off (never!) is about the onset time. The “onset” is the length of time it takes, on average, for a drug to begin working, and the “peak” is when it is most effective. This is different between drugs and routes. Morphine’s IV onset is rapid (and at the speed this would have been pushed, probably would have made the person briefly dizzy and nauseated), but it still takes about 20mins to “peak”, so assuming Mac *did* impossibly manage to sink an EJ from 20 feet away and there was a high enough dose to do something, anyone in this scene would still have had plenty of time to alert others or fight before they were incapacitated. The best thing throwing a needle at someone in this scene would do is provide some distraction while Desi takes them out manually.

More realistically, morphine injected into the muscle takes at least 10 minutes for onset and up to an hour to peak and doesn’t have as rough of side effects, meaning overall that no matter the dose, morphine is a really poor choice for a tranq dart (but admittedly, if its what you’ve got, its what you’ve got. Also who decided just leaving it lying out in a supply closet was a good idea? The fact that it hadn’t been stolen yet is a miracle in itself.).

R E F E R E N C E S

So there you have it. If you liked this and want to take a look at other MacGyver reviews I’ve done, you can find them here: Awl - X-Ray + Penny - Duct Tape + Jack - CD + Hoagie Foil - Guts + Fuel + Hope - Wilderness + Training + Survival - Father + Bride + Betrayal

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[an-abundance-of-castiels]

Best Left Forgotten

Part 15: Missing

Series Summary: You wake up in the bunker with a serious head injury and no memory of the last year or the Winchesters and find that Dean is avoiding you. You are determined to find out the truth about what happened but maybe the truth is best left forgotten.

Characters: Dean x Reader, Sam

Warnings: language, Season 10 Spoilers

Word Count: 1476

General Disclaimer: I do not own the gif or any of the Supernatural properties or characters. This is a fan piece and is intended to be enjoyed only as such.

A/N: This is my first fic so any and all feedback is appreciated! A HUGE thanks to @weirdochick56 for rough beta-ing and encouraging me to pick this up again and give it another try in the first place!

Best Left Forgotten Masterlist

Missed Part 14?

**********

You hop up from the table in the library. Sam looks over from his book. “Is it time already?” He smiles.

“Yeah…” you grin from ear to ear. You don’t think you’ve ever felt this happy before. You turn to walk down the stairs and hear Sam following. You turn to face him. “Sam… could I maybe… have a few minutes alone with him? I… I know it’s not-”

Sam cuts you off “It’s fine, y/n, I get it. I’ll be down in a little bit, okay?” He smiles and sits down, picking up his book. You smile gratefully at Sam before turning and heading down the stairs. You practically run to the storage room where Dean is tied up and yank the door open.

Your stomach hits the floor.

The chair is empty. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

You bolt back up to the library. Sam jumps up when he sees the terror on your face.

“He got out!” you yell. Your arms shake at your side as a mixture of fear for Dean and for you and Sam swim in your head.

“Whattya mean ‘he got out’???” You see Sam’s brain moving a million miles an hour in his eyes and he turns to you suddenly. “Leave.” He tosses you the keys to baby. “GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE HE FINDS YOU.”

You quickly shift from panic to determination. “Stop Sam. We don’t have time to argue! I have a plan. We need to turn the power off..”

  Cuah!

You inhale and sit up sharply. You hear a clatter to your right and look over to see a blonde, friendly-looking nurse picking up her blood pressure cuff and a few pens. You realize that you are laying in a hospital bed and hooked up to several machines. How the hell did you get here? You try to think hard about where you were last when- “Ah!” Your shoulder burns and stings sharply.

The nurse steadies herself and walks over to you. “How’s the pain?”

“Fine. How long have I been asleep? And who admitted me? When can I go?” The questions fall out of your mouth quickly. You are desperate to find Sam and Cas. At the thought of his name, the image of Dean plunging the angel blade down assaults your eyes. You feel a sharp pain in your chest. Oh God. Cas… Your eyes fill with tears and you feel sick at your stomach. There is no saving Dean now. You know that. If he would kill his best friend…

“Calm down, Sweetie.” She studies you for a minute, tears and all, “Do you need a sedative?”

“No,” you reply quickly. You wipe away the tears and attempt to put on your assertive face. “I need answers to my questions.” You flail for a moment, and then you steady yourself. “I… I need my emergency contact’s info so I can call my mom.” You look her in the eye and continue evenly. “I have a right to that, surely.”

The nurse’s attitude softens and she apologizes for being rude while pulling your chart from its perch on the wall. “You’ve been admitted for… three hours. You had two transfusions… Your emergency contact is listed as… Dean Smith.” She looks up nervously, hoping that you are satisfied.

Dean? You were stunned. Dean kicked you aside. He had just killed Cas. Why would he take you to a hospital? “Where are my things? I need my cell.”

The nurse opened a standing wardrobe sitting in the corner and pulled out a plastic bag labeled “PATIENT’S BELONGINGS” and handed them to you. “Do you have any more questions, ma’am?”

“I wanna be discharged,” you declare as you dig through your bags. “Immediately.” Shit. They cut your shirt.

“Ma’am you just had a transfusion, we need to observe you and do blood work. Not to mention that you were shot and just had surgery to remove the bullet. At the earliest, you may be able to go home tomorrow.” She eyes you cautiously.

You smile at the nurse and relax back into your bed. You are going to have to sneak out of here. You begin to discreetly check all the ways you could exit. Door and window are the only two options.. “Thank you, ma’am. I’m gonna call my family and take a nap.”

The nurse eyes you suspiciously for a moment and then leaves. The moment the door closes, you pull out your phone and dial Sam. It barely rings once before he answers.

Sam starts talking the moment he picks up. He is begging and sounds panicked and breathy. “Dean! Where is Y/N? You gotta take her to a hospital. She’s gonna bleed out. Please Dean do-”

“Sam! It’s me. I’m fine.” You interrupt him, hoping to ease his panic. “I’m at the Jewel County Hospital.”

Sam is silent for a moment. “Dean shot you… and then took you to a hospital? Is he there?”

You hear Sam start a car and begin to drive. “No.” You sigh, “He dropped me off apparently. Hey, I need you to bring me a shirt so I can sneak out of here. We HAVE to find him… He… He…” You swallow hard as the memory sears to the surface again. How are you going to tell Sam that his brother murdered their adopted brother, his own best friend? Probably the only innocent angel in existence, who saved your lives more than once. Who loved you three more than his own life. You swallow against the pain in your chest and stomach and let the words spill out as if they were dissolving your stomach from the inside out, “He killed Cas, Sam. He stabbed him. In the library with his own angel blade.” The tears come and all of the pain and fear you’ve been holding back comes out in sobs. You drop the phone and your tears turn to shame. You couldn’t save Cas. If you had been stronger, he would still be here. Sam is saying something, but the phone clatters to the ground and you bury your face in the pillow and just let it out. You can’t tell if it’s been minutes or an hour of tears when someone taps on your shoulder. You turn to see Sam sitting next to you.

“How’d you get here so fast?” You mutter. He can’t be reckless like this. Sam is all that’s left now. Your chest aches at this thought.

“I was at the bunker. Y/N, Cas is fine.”

You are stunned by this revelation. How is this even possible? “B-but I saw him die…”

Sam scoots over next to you and puts an arm around you. “No. I mean Dean beat the hell outta him, but he didn’t kill him.” Sam says softly. He grabs your hand and holds it tightly. “He’s out looking for you. I called him, he shou-”

Sam’s words are interrupted by the door swinging open. In walks your favorite trench-coated angel. Blood is splattered across the neck and chest of his coat, but there is no hole in his chest and his face looks perfect. His usually even face is colored with concern and fear.

You stare at him for a moment in shock before your face lights up. You launch yourself from the bed at him and wrap him in a hug so tight, you might worry he couldn’t breathe if he wasn’t an angel. You don’t know how or why, but your angel is here and alive and that means there is hope left. You begin to feel woozy from the sudden movement. Cas gingerly helps you back to the bed.

Cas smiles at you, “I’m glad to see that you are okay as well.”

“How?” Is all you can manage to say through the lightheadedness of both moving so fast and the joy of Cas’s return to the land of the living.

Cas’s smile falls. “Dean stabbed the books next to me, told me to keep you and Sam away from him, and then he left with you. I was terrified that he would hurt you… but I could not move for several minutes. I was almost unconscious. I started looking for you immediately after I got up.” Cas looks down, ashamed of his weakness.

You reach up and take his hand. When you do, you feel the warmth of Cas’s grace flow to your shoulder and heal it. “Thank you, Cas. For everything.” You look him in the eye and try to convey in those few words how much he means to you. You take Sam’s hand with your other one and look at him, and, for a moment, you appreciate this moment here with your family. There’s only one thing missing.

You glance from Cas to Sam. “How do we find Dean?”

Part 16

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Aladdin(2019) Review

I had so much fun watching the Aladdin remake that I was inspired to write a review, comparing and contrasting it with the original! It’s under the cut so I don’t clutter dashes and tags:

Recently I watched the Aladdin reboot in theaters. I might not have given it a chance if a friend of mine hadn’t insisted to take us to the movies for a fun time. Usually I’m highly against Disney remakes, and I still am, but this one actually surprised me, again, for a Disney remake. There were some aspects that fell flat with me, yet some I actually liked better than the original. I was inspired to write a review for this, comparing and contrasting the two to see how they stand up against one another. Also, this contains spoilers! STORY: More often than not, when a Disney remake tries to “fix” plot holes and nitpicks of the original, as so beautifully demonstrated by the remakes of Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella, they end up making their nitpicks even more prevalent and even worse. I was surprised to see that, with this movie, they added in aspects that I actually liked better than the original, which I honestly didn’t think was possible. Unfortunately, it gave off the impression that they felt like they had to speed through many of the original iconic scenes in order to get to those plot lines. Instead of the original’s beginning, starting with Arabian Nights and continuing with the merchant, very subtly being the Genie in disguise, this starts out with a character, very obviously played by Will Smith, beginning to tell a couple of children the story of Aladdin, followed by him singing the song. Though I didn’t like the the twist of the Genie actually being the narrator being so obvious this time around, as a lot of other aspects were far less subtle as well, the anticipation and slight build up to the Arabian nights song was rather exciting, and the song was extended as they took us on a tour of Agrabah. However, as I was talking about previously, the first Cave of Wonders scene is sandwiched in-between this introduction scene. This is where things take a different turn. A turn that I’m not all too crazy for. This time around, the One Jump Ahead sequence shares a scene with Aladdin and Jasmine’s escape from the guards, with the scene where she rejects the suitor playing after she returns to the palace from Aladdin's home, without the escort of the guards this time. She’s never told that Aladdin is to be executed. There’s no reason why they had to switch around these scenes, as, in the previous movie, the rejection of the suitor and the talk with her father was a better introduction to Jasmine’s character. However I’m wondering if they did this in order to feature more interaction between the two. In this movie, after Jasmine has to return to the palace, she asks where her bracelet is, believing Aladdin stole it, when it was actually Abu. Aladdin sneaks into the palace to return it to her, after which he’s captured and that’s where taken to the cave of wonders this time. Though I understand why they made this change, the flow of it is a little questionable. Nevertheless, the escape scene was fun to watch, and Jasmine’s reluctance to jump across the rooftops felt more realistic than a sheltered girl just suddenly getting the hang of doing so. Thankfully, the talk between Jasmine and her father feels a lot more meaningful. Instead of simply talking about wanting to be free and marrying for love, she wants the best for her kingdom, and expresses her sorrow for how poorly some of the peasants were living. I really like this addition, as it gives more compassion and responsibility to Jasmine without ruining her character. I also like the mention of their interaction with other kingdoms, as it feels less like Agrabah is a post-apocalyptic kingdom in the middle of nowhere. The Cave of Wonders scene is pretty underwhelming. Instead of disguising as a grizzly prisoner, Jafar is very direct with Aladdin, playing on the fact that he too was a peasant. I question what the change for this was others than the film doing something different, or perhaps it was the fact that the actor for Jafar wasn’t versatile enough to do that. The cave itself doesn’t come from a golden scarab, nor does it materialize from the sand, which is honestly greatly disappointing. The journey through the cave, the attempted escape, as well as Jafar’s immense devastation at the loss of the lamp, were all very mediocre. Thankfully, things pick up from here, quite obviously, with the Genie. His introduction, I’ll admit, is a little jarring at first, because this is where we really start to see the computer graphics at work, but regardless, it was well acted, lots of fun, and it’s clear to see that the crew did the best with the graphics they had. One little nitpick that I like that they fixed here is that they removed the scene of him attempting to kiss that exotic dancer, because, after he hit it off with Jasmine so well, I’m not sure why he’d do that if he’d want her as much as to make himself a prince entirely for her. After this, the humor really starts showing in the scene where Aladdin and the Genie get to know one another, and Aladdin reveals his feelings for Jasmine. What they don’t do with cartoonish gags, they make up for with witty dialogue and the actors’ execution of it. Then, comes perhaps my absolute favorite part, the Prince Ali scene. Again, they’re not able to pull off as many cartoon gags, so they compensate by spilling out as much color and character as a Disneyland parade. This scene is without a doubt on par with the original. The parade is followed by a scene that wasn’t in the movie, but I’m glad they added in. In this movie, the Genie is now disguised as a human accompanying him as what I’m assuming is his advisor as he aids in introducing Aladdin to Jasmine. Aladdin’s introduction is, to say the least, awkward. Hilariously awkward. Honestly, my insides were hurting from laughter. I suppose this is a good time to mention the addition of a new character, Dahlia, Jasmine’s handmaiden. She serves to ease a bit of the tension, as well as be a good friend of Jasmine’s, because honestly, one gripe I have with a lot of the original Disney movies is the lead characters’ saddening lack of companions. She accompanies Jasmine to a party, as the Genie accompanies Aladdin. With Aladdin and Jasmine wanting to be with each other, and their friends of the same gender as Aladdin and Jasmine respectively accompanying them, you can probably pick up on a romantic subplot by now. Anyway, the Genie’s attempt to make Aladdin look cool in front of the princess only turns her away more, so the Genie creates a diversion, wooing the handmaiden, so Aladdin can sneak in and give way to the A Whole New World sequence. I thought I’d be disappointed, but considering they couldn’t make it shine with the beauty of 2D animation, I thought it was rather beautiful for what they had to work with. Admittedly, I do miss them swirling through the clouds and interacting with birds and horses. They still keep in the kiss after this number, only it’s not really as passionate as the original one, which I suppose I understand, since it is their first kiss. Instead of being captured right afterwards, Aladdin is given time to reflect on his experience alongside the Genie. I like what they did here, jumping back and forth between Aladdin’s conversation with the Genie, and Jasmine’s conversation with Dahlia. Jafar and his guards waste no time capturing Aladdin the next morning, where he personally pushes him into the water, in a scene which is very awkwardly slowed down. I’m not sure how I feel about this change, but it adds an actual threat to this bland adaption of Jafar, who I’ll rip into after I’m done covering the story. The Genie saves Aladdin as usual, though the scene where Aladdin thanks him is actually a little more emotional here. You can really see where they’re starting to befriend one another. Aladdin later rats out Jafar as usual, only this time, Jafar escapes AFTER he’s sent to prison, which was a very underwhelming scene for an already underwhelming villain. It’s Iago who aids him in his escape this time, because I guess you had to make the bird useful? Though, he could have made him a useful character by involving him in the stealing of the lamp like the original, which I’ll get to. Meanwhile, Aladdin and the Genie begin having a dispute like they did in the ‘92 version. Instead of mentioning his wish to be free, the Genie is more concerned with Aladdin not telling the truth, being seduced by riches and power, like every other master he’s had. Again, it gets a little more emotional with the line “I’ve never called a master ‘friend’”. Conflicted, Aladdin goes back to his original home, and sings yet another reprise of One Jump Ahead. I do like the emotion and glimpse into an inner battle within Aladdin, but I don’t exactly see why he had to go all the way back to his home to do so. Jafar steals the lamp from him while he’s wandering through the streets instead of Iago sneaking it from him, which there really wasn’t any reason why they had to change that. Now that Jafar has the lamp, he wishes to be sultan. His rise to power is unfortunately much less climactic, removing the Prince Ali reprise alltogether. I suppose you could say that it’s replaced by new song “Speechless”, sung by Jasmine. As beautiful as it is, I’m not sure it has much  a place, as she appears to be singing this in her imagination. This pep talk she gives to herself empowers her to speak against Jafar and plead that her father’s most trusted guard side with her instead of Jafar. I like this bold moment for Jasmine, but the addition of the guard’s backstory feels like they’re trying to develop a character at the last minute. This doesn’t stop Jafar, as he wishes, finally, to become the most powerful sorcerer, casting Aladdin to the arctic. Instead of Jafar keeping Jasmine as a slave, he begins to marry her, which I’m honestly glad they changed, as marriage is slightly less uncomfortable of an outcome to watch than marriage to a character who’s supposed to be under 18. Aladdin saves her very directly instead of sneaking around, and I’m assuming the fight with a giant sorcerer snake is replaced by a mad scramble to keep the lamp from a giant Iago. Needless to say I was pretty disappointed at the lack of giant limbless reptiles. When Aladdin tricks Jafar into wishing to becoming a genie, the Genie seems to be in on the idea instead of oblivious like the original. I think the Genie believing that that was a bad idea in the ‘92 version added to the suspense though. Things end happily, but also pretty differently. Firstly, instead of Aladdin wishing to abolish the marriage law, he wishes the Genie free, which turns him HUMAN! I’m not exactly sure why they did this, but it doesn’t really bum me out, as it probably rules out the possibility of a sequel, thank goodness. He and Dahlia immediately decide to be together. Instead of the Sultan getting rid of the marriage law, he simply gives the throne to Jasmine so she can abolish it herself. I really like this change for Jasmine, after having expressed her desire to help her kingdom. One might argue that it’s historically inaccurate, but it’s a fairytale ending along the lines of a peasant marrying royalty. Aladdin is prepared to return home when Jasmine catches up to him, where they express their love for one another and deliver...another bland kiss. Eh, I guess that’s a small nitpick. After the ending, the credits play out on top of a scene where the cast starts dancing to an instrumental of Friend Like Me. Say what you will about this trope, but I love when the characters start dancing at the end of a movie. It does seem like a lazy way to end a movie, but when done right, it’s a lot of fun. And, all things considered, this movie was just that. CHARACTERS: Aladdin: If anything was perfectly recreated from the original, it was the casting of the actor for Aladdin. Not only did he look the part, but he sounded like both the talking and speaking voice from the original. He acted more unsure and awkward in his newfound Prince Ali role, but it felt more endearing and believable than him getting used to it right away. Abu: Not much changed from this version, though I find him cuter, as he looks like a real monkey. But get this, both he and the Cave of wonders keep their original voice actor, being Frank Welker! Jasmine: In this day and age, the media has been more focused on creating stronger female protagonists. Sometimes they come out genuinely lovable and responsible, like Moana, but their execution can be easily botched by making them come off as entitled and uncaring, valuing only outward strength. I was incredibly pleased at this version of Jasmine, because she rose to strength and confidence through the kindness of her heart. She was more believable too, being a little more sweet and naive, as I'd believe from a girl who's spent her whole life in a castle. Her romance with Aladdin felt more like innocent young love, which I rather enjoyed. However, it sometimes felt like she was stealing the spotlight from Aladdin just a bit. The movie still is about him, after all. The Genie: I'll admit, when I first heard Will Smith was being cast as the Genie, I thought this movie was instantly doomed. Boy was I wrong. I actually never cared for Will Smith or any of his roles in the past, but for me he actually succeeded in what Robin Williams did in driving the movie forward. Granted(pardon the pun) nobody will ever really match up with the rapid-fire entertainment of Williams' Genie, but I'm glad that Smith did his own thing. He and Aladdin had great chemistry, bouncing off one another, making for hilarious moments, and I was surprised to find that he was also able to deliver an emotional performance where it was needed. Dahlia: I was always rather sad at the fact that Jasmine had, perhaps less people to talk to than Belle did in her little town, so I'm glad they added in at least a handmaiden to keep her company. A character like this can easily be done wrong(take Darcy in Thor: the Dark World), but she turned out pretty hilarious. Her romance with the Genie might have felt shoehorned in if it wasn't as adorably executed as it was. It might have been a little fast for the both of them, but to me that just means that they were careful not to let it overpower the main romance. Jafar: Oh boy. If there's any main complaint I have with the movie, anything that would ultimately banish it from having any competition with the original, it would be this Flat-Sprite-Emmet Brickowski-bland "portrayal" of Jafar. Disney clearly had their priorities set on casting someone attractive, like they did for Maleficent, rather than someone who actually fit the part. He delivered everything with the finesse of a paper towel, and when he showed his more insane side, it simply looked like the domestic, meddling next door neighbor kind of insane. Okay, I'm sure many people will be hating on the actor for this, but honestly I'm not sure it's his fault. He'd probably be much better suited for a different kind of role. His lackluster performance only has me questioning Disney's creative decisions. Iago: Though I missed the grumpy, abrasive Iago, this new one, portrayed by Disney's new golden boy, Alan Tudyk, was amusing in his own way, with more subtle, in-the-background kind of humor. With so much going on already, a more vocal Iago might have complicated things. The Sultan: In all honesty, I like this new sultan drastically better than the old one. The '92 version being an easily manipulated childish little man got tiresome after a while, as well as him seeming aloof to what Jasmine really needed. In this movie, he's still bound by tradition but now with an immense love for his daughter, and it shows. I'm also happy with the mention of their late mother. It was a kind acknowledgement without looking overly sentimental in the way that previous remakes did. SONGS: Since I already talked about their sequences, I'm mostly going to be talking about the songs themselves. I'd just like to say right off the bat that Alan Menken once again outdid his past self with this score. I'm in love with the more ethnic feel of this score, as it makes the tale much more immersive. Arabian Nights: Though I wonder why they changed the lyrics as much as they did, this version of the song is actually better than the original. It's longer, more intense, and Will Smith performs this, along with his other songs, better than I thought he would. One Jump Ahead: From the beginning, it started out to sound like it'd be a more ethnic, yet as energized as the first, but something about this version didn't hit it off with me. This song in particular felt like they were all too aware of the fact that they were recreating a popular Disney song in a movie that wasn't a cartoon. One Jump Ahead(Reprise): Nothing much really changes from this one, but now you really get to hear how well Mena Massoud sounds as Aladdin. Friend Like Me: Considering that this is the first impression we get of the remake of the Disney character with one of the biggest pair of shoes to fill, they did pretty spectacular. Again, I'm very surprised with how much character Will Smith gave to this performance with his own flavor. That being said, it sounds like a great, classic song with a modern spin. Prince Ali: The scene was spectacular. The song was spectacular. I can't rave about this one enough. It's everything I could ask for in a remake of my favorite song in Aladdin. It has a modern spin, with newly added Middle-Eastern instruments, with as much energy as the original version. When prevented with both versions of the song, I'd honestly have a hard time deciding which one I'd listen to first! A Whole New World: I have mixed feelings about this one. It does have a beautiful build up, the singers carry it beautifully, but it doesn't flow as well to me as the original. One Jump Ahead(Reprise 2): Even though I still question the destination of this scene, I do really like this addition. Speechless(parts 1 and 2): I suppose I was always sort of disappointed that Jasmine was one of the only princesses without her own individual song, despite the movie not starring her. It's a beautiful song with a beautiful melody, but after a while I feel like Naomi Scott is overselling it a tad. I kind of like the album version better, where it's a key lower. But that's not the first time I liked it when a Disney princess power ballad was taken a key lower. MISC ASPECTS I'd mostly like to talk about the execution here. The original far outweighs the remake here. It's not just that it's hard to stand up against Disney 2D animation of the 90s, but the editing of this movie was just bad. And by bad I mean overkill. The Friend Like Me scene was particularly off-putting for me, as the realistic, dramatic lighting only made it look like the mood was set for a horror movie. Aladdin falling into the ocean is inexplicably slowed down. The scene where Jafar steals the lamp from Aladdin looks more like a perfume commercial. Sometimes it felt like a character couldn't drop a handkerchief without getting a 360-degree spin of the camera, and other times it felt like an over-dramatic commercial for a Disney park.....oh. The final aspect I'd like to get past really quick is the humor. As I mentioned before, a live action movie isn't able to carry on the same kind of humor as a cartoon, so they substituted that for more witty dialogue and clever acting, and honestly, I like it just as much as the cartoonish humor of the first. With all things said and done, and certainly, after all this praise, I bet you're wondering which one I liked better. It's a bit of a toss up actually. On terms of overall execution, theatrics, and especially villain, I prefer the original, but on terms of story and character development(excluding Jafar), I think I actually prefer this one. This probably means that the original is still better, as I expected, but this movie was a refreshing surprise of a Disney remake. I honestly didn't expect to have so much fun that my face would hurt from smiling. As fun as it is though, if asked if these remakes would never happen in favor of more original ideas, I'd still have to take that deal. Still, that doesn't take away that I had quite an enjoyable experience at the movies.

[demonicheadcanons]

Can we get the RFA's +V +Saeran reactions if MC attempted suicide, and failed? Sorry if this sounds weird though....

RFA + V + Unknownreact to MC attempting suicide (and failing)

(AN: I hope you’refeeling okay, Kind Anon. This is not weird at all, I promise. I really do.Things can be tough but they will look up, this is coming from someone who hasalso attempted this and is still struggling with strong urges. Things will beokay, we’ll get through this.

Some of thesereactions may differ from what people want. But from experience, when I’veattempted, people don’t react positively. Therefore some of these might be verynegative. I’m trying to be realistic whilst also providing support throughthis. I wish you all the best, do take care!

Trigger warnings arein the tags. Please do check them before reading this post, there is some heavystuff here that will definitely not be the best for everyone to read if you canrelate at all to this.

Spoilers for names andsuch, but not really for any routes)

Zen

He gets back from shopping and calls out for you. He felthis gut twist as soon as he saw it – it was filled with typos and you weretelling him over and over how you loved him

You had said you were ill this morning, too ill to come outwith him like you normally would, and so he had left you with a cup of tea anda blanket wrapped around you, telling you to text or call if you needed him

He strains now for a response, immediately dropping hisjacket and the bags of groceries he had been out getting on the sofa andbeginning to look for you. You’re not in the shared bedroom where he had leftyou, the cup of tea spilled on the carpet, the bed a complete mess of pillowsand blankets

Zen can feel his heart in his throat as he darts over to theen suite bathroom door, trying the handle. It’s locked

“MC? MC, is everything okay?” he calls, leaning against it,sweating with fear

He can only hear a faint groan in response, and afterbegging for a minute for you to open the door, he throws himself against it,busting the lock open. The bathroom isn’t massive, so he ends up crashing hisside in to the sink. That’ll leave a bruise

He sees you lying on the floor by the bath, your wristhanging weakly over it, blood tricking everywhere. You look scared for amoment, but the exhaustion takes over again

On the other hand, Zen is absolutely terrified. He standsfrozen for a moment, hand over his gaping mouth, eyes wide with pure fear

When he’s able to move again, he kneels down beside you andpicks you up, lifting you to the sofa and grabbing his first aid kit. Thank godhe kept this well stacked up

He dials for an ambulance, balancing his phone between hisear and shoulder, as he wraps your wrists up in bandages gently and carefully

“Why would you do this MC..? You knew I would’ve helped... Iwould’ve done absolutely anything to help you, my love...” he mumbles as hecleans you up, tears trickling down his cheeks slowly. He wipes them away andwraps his arms around you, as you weakly do the same

The door bell rings and he runs over and gets it, leadingthe paramedics to where you are laying. He hops in the back of the ambulance asthey place you in, and sits beside you, holding your hand and gently strokingthe back of it with his thumb. You seem so weak and tired, you’re just barely focusingon him, and he’s trying so hard not to collapse

When you get to the hospital, they rush you in immediatelyto a doctor’s room and he sits you outside, and that’s when he breaks. His bodyis taken over with sobs as he leans his arms on his knees and covers his facewith his hands. Some of his fans pass, and they just stare brokenheartedly athim, knowing now is not the time to try to spark up a conversation

Someone hands him a tissue and he accepts it gratefully,cleaning his face and trying to calm himself before he saw you again – you can’tsee him like this, no matter what. He has to be strong for you, as it seems youhave always been for him. He just wished you had told him about how you felt...

Yoosung

He’s no stranger to suicidal thoughts. After Rika died, theycame thick and fast, but he was able to get through them with the support ofthe RFA, and with LOLOL

You were always so happy and bubbly and you had promisednever to leave him, to talk to him if you ever needed anything, like he wishedRika had when she were alive. And so he never expected to get home to you witha rope around your neck, one foot off the chair you were standing on, ready tokick it behind you

As you see him, your feet slip and you’re left dangling,struggling, unable to breathe but not quite gone yet

Adrenalin takes over and Yoosung grabs the chair, jumps upon it, and holds you, raising your feet to stand on the chair again. It takestoo long for him to get the rope off from around your neck – the knot is tiedtoo well – but eventually he manages and you’re standing weakly in his arms,face pressed to his chest, legs incredibly wobbly

He holds you in his arms, supporting the majority of yourweight, as he buries his face in your hair and sobs. He can feel tears soakthrough his t-shirt as you start crying into his chest too

You both stand there, balanced on the stair and in eachother’s arms, for quite some time. Yoosung eventually pulls back and places ahand under your chin gently, tilting your face up to look you in the eyes. Hecan see the bruises already forming on your neck from the rope, and he gulpsback another sob as he speaks

“MC, you were supposed to come get me if you werestruggling... You know I’m here for you, right? You know I’d do whatever ittakes to make you happy? Am I not doing enough to make you happy?” he asks

You tell him you love him and of course he’s enough, butthings get to be too much so easily and you couldn’t take it anymore, and heresponds by peppering your face in kisses and hugging you close to him again

“I’m so glad you’re alive... I’m so, so glad MC. I love you.Please, never leave me...”

Jaehee

She had been trying to call you for a while, wondering ifyou wanted to go out to get coffee, if the party planning was going well, ifyou were okay. You hadn’t answered, and you hadn’t been in the RFA chat for awhile, so everyone was getting worried

She decided it would be best to leave work early to check upon you. When she got to your shared apartment, she immediately knew somethingwas wrong. The bedroom door was ajar, the kitchen medicine cabinet was open,and she could hear water trickling from the bathroom

She calls out for you and then slowly begins to look around,forcing herself to calm. She closes the medicine cabinet, frowning as sherealised quite a few packets of tablets were gone from their usual spots. Maybeyou were just really ill that day?

She then made her way to the bathroom to turn off the tap,and that’s where she found you. You were doubled over the toilet, vomittrickling down your chin and filling the toilet. She immediately dropped to herknees beside you, using a tissue to clean off your chin, glancing around to piecethings together. She saw the empty medicine packets and immediately knew whathad happened

“MC, have you thrown it all up?” she asked, her voice coldsuddenly – she had to make sure you were okay before she could make it better

You weakly nodded your head, and she took a deep breath

“Can you be sick once more so I can make sure?”

You glanced up fearfully and wearily at her, and she stoodup and went to get a glass of water for you

“Gulp this down and then be sick. We need to make sure it’sall gone,” she had told you, and you had taken it from her and done what youwere told, bringing you to now

You felt the dreadful burning sensation in your stomach asyou make yourself sick. You can see Jaehee standing with her arms crossed,staring down at you, her face weakening as she watched you gag and be sick. Thevomit was clean of any trace of medicine

Jaehee takes out her phone and dials for an ambulance now,before kneeling down again, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and pullingyou close. She whispers to you as you wait for the ambulance, telling you she’sglad you’re alive and she’s glad she got to you in time. You feel her bodyshake as she begins to cry, apologising over and over for not being here foryou when you needed her most

Your head is spinning and you feel so ill and everything isso hazy and you want so badly to just go to sleep, but you hold onto her astight as you can manage and tell her it’s okay, everything is okay

When she leaves to get the door for the paramedics, you justfeel so cold and tired and weak, but Jaehee is so gentle and careful with you,walking you to the door and down to the ambulance, not letting go of you for aslong as she can. She sticks with you, and she promises she always will, no matterwhat

Jumin

He hates leaving you alone in the penthouse all day, andalways rushes to get to you after work, but today he has to stay behind late tofigure out a few small details in an upcoming project

The next hour drags by so painfully slowly, and he rubs histemples as he makes a few finishing touches to his work before asking Jaehee tosubmit it for him and practically jogging off to the penthouse to you

He finds Elizabeth the 3rd waiting for him at thedoor, meowing and darting out at him before it’s even fully opened

“Are you hungry, my dear? Has MC not fed you?” he asks her, leaningdown to gently pet her head before stepping into the penthouse

He takes off his jacket and frowns, wondering why you haven’tcome out to greet him like you normally would. He could feel his heart poundingin his chest – were you angry at him for being late? He had texted you toexplain the situation, but had gotten no response, so it was very likely

He slowly walks around the penthouse to look for you. You’renot in the bedroom, or in the living room. Maybe you were in the kitcheneating?

Elizabeth the 3rd was following him around,meowing every now and then. She seemed to be avoiding the kitchen, however, andthis just made Jumin all the more nervous

He makes his way to the kitchen, his legs feeling like lead.You were okay, right? You weren’t so angry at him that you wouldn’t respondwhen he called out, surely? Not when you know how nervous it makes him

His heart sinks as he walks in to the room, seeing yousitting at the table, head down on it, unmoving, skin a pale ashy colour

He runs over, grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking yougently

“MC? MC, sweetheart, wake up! You can’t sleep at the kitchentable,” Jumin says, trying his best to convince himself you’re just sleeping,you’re okay

He catches sight of your wrists which are laying in yourlap, and then sees the glint of the knife on the ground, the puddle of redsurrounding you and it

He jumps back, and it feels as if his heart stops as hestares at you. He feels tears in his eyes. He couldn’t have lost you... notlike this...

And then you ever so slightly twitch and raise your head tolook at him faintly, barely able to keep your eyes open, and the tears flowquick and hot down his cheeks and he moves forward again to kneel down besideyou and grab your arms

He looks at the cuts – they’re deep, he can’t deal with thishimself. He continues to hold on to your arm with one hand, fishing his phoneout of his pocket with the other and phoning Jaehee to tell her to get a doctorup to the penthouse immediately

He hangs up before saying anything else, and he watches youreyes flood with guilt as you realise it’s him, trying to hide your arms

“Babe, just stay still, a doctor is on the way,” hewhispers, rising to wrap his arms around your shoulders and holding you asclose as he can without moving you too much. He presses gentle kisses onto yourcheek as he waits with you. “MC, my love, please tell me if you ever feel likedoing this again. I couldn’t bear to lose you, you must know that, right? Youare everything to me.”

He continues to speak to you like this, telling you how muchyou mean to him, how you saved him from his dull, painful life, how you’re hisworld, until Jaehee arrives with a doctor. It’s late at night, and althoughJaehee’s face fills with concern as she realises what has happened, Jumin sendsher home to take the next day off, as he plans to as well

Jumin sits in an anxious silence as he watches the doctorclean up your arms, and wrap them up in bandages. Jumin walks her to the door,and she tells him you’ll be okay, you just need a lot of rest and to be watchedclosely for the next while. She would be in touch to arrange further checkupsand to discuss things such as therapy for you

He just nods silently and then says goodbye and closes thedoor. His knees are shaking and he feels like just collapsing into a puddle onthe ground, but he can’t. He has to go back to you, he has to make sure you’reokay and you won’t do this again

You’re lying with your head resting against the kitchentable again, staring down at your bandaged arms, your tears dripping onto them.You jolt upright when you hear him walk in to the room, and you look so smalland hurt and guilty that Jumin can feel himself tearing up again

He runs over and lifts you up and holds you in his arms fora long, long time, grateful that he still can

Seven/Saeyoung

Like Yoosung, Seven knows what having suicidal thoughts islike. He tried his best to keep them at bay; he had to save Saeran first andforemost, that was all that mattered, and then he could do whatever he wanted

But you were always so positive about everything, and so howwas he to expect that you felt the same way he did? You never showed it, yourpositivity never faltered until that one day, and he thought you were maybejust not feeling so well. Things wouldn’t suddenly not be okay, right?

You had opted to go lie down as he worked, rather thansitting in his lap cuddled up to him like you normally would. There wereshadows plastered under your eyes from a few sleepless nights – the nightmares andthoughts had kept you awake, and Saeyoung watched as you retreated to yourshared room, trying to convince himself you would be okay

He worked solidly for a long time, until he hears a strangerattling from your room. He ignores it, but a few minutes later he hears youwhimper and he’s up and over to the room in seconds. He taps on the door andopens it

Saeyoung didn’t know what he expected to see when he opened thedoor, but he definitely hadn’t expected to see you with a plastic bag aroundyour head, holding the handles tight to your throat. You hadn’t heard theknocking or the door opening over the noise of the bag as you moved to liedown, feeling yourself become breathless and tired, a dull ache slowly andsurely developing in your lungs and heart

The next thing you know, Seven is on top of you, pulling thebag off your head and throwing it across the room

“What the hell are you doing, MC?!” he yells, staring downat you, tears already forming in his eyes

You’re frozen on the spot, eyes wide like a deer caught inthe headlights. The whimper escapes your throat as you stare up at your angryboyfriend, and he glares back, looking hurt and confused

“I... I can’t handle anything anymore, Saeyoung... I didn’tknow what else to do,” you tell him. You can feel a small amount of angerbubbling in your chest, but it quickly fades – you have no energy for thatright now

“MC, you can’t do something like that to me!.. What’s wrong?Did something happen? Did I do something? Am I not enough?”

You can tell he’s panicking as he moves back from you – he hadbeen kneeling over you, hands either side of your head, which you only realisedafter he’s moved to sit at the end of the bed, head in hands. He shakes as hebegins to hyperventilate, and you move to put your hands on his shoulders.Initially he jumps at the contact, before relaxing and letting you lean yourhead down on to his back

It takes a few minutes for him to calm himself, before heturns around and wraps his arms tightly around you

“I’m so sorry MC, I should be the one looking after youright now, not the other way around,” he mumbles into your hair as his griptightens to an almost painful point, causing you to shift in his arms

You bury your face in to his chest and try to explain whatwas wrong to him, and you feel him gently nod every now and then. He pressesgentle kisses onto the top of your head, still holding on to you tight, and youboth stay this way long after you’ve finished talking

“I need you to promise me something,” he finally says,placing his hands on your shoulders and moving you back from him slightly as hestares in to your eyes. “If you ever, ever feel so bad as to want to dosomething like this again, you come to me right away, okay? And I’ll do thesame, and that way we’ll both be safe.”

You nod and promise him you will try your best, and he holdsyou tight again, kissing along your forehead and temples, finishing with alight kiss on the tip of your nose

“I love you, MC. I couldn’t bear to be without you.”

V/Jihyun Kim

He had noticed you weren’t doing so well – he always knewwhen something was up – but you brushed it off and said it was nothing

Jihyun forced himself to trust you, but he couldn’t hide hisanxiety when you insisted you would be okay staying at home whilst he went toget some groceries for the house

He gives you a kiss on the forehead before leaving, hisheart already pounding. You would be okay, he reassured himself

An hour later he rushes home with the groceries. He onlyjust stopped himself sprinting around the supermarket as he got whatever hefelt was essential, just wanting to be home with you, to make sure you wereokay and well

He turns the key in the lock and calls out for you as thedoor swings open. When he doesn’t get a reply, he takes a deep breath and dumpsthe groceries in the kitchen

V noticed the red light signalling that the water heater wason – you must be getting a bath. He flicks the switch off, figuring you mustalready be in it and so don’t need the heater to be on any longer

He quietly packs the groceries away before walking upstairsto the bathroom. He gently knocks on the door and calls in to you to tell youhe’s home, but you don’t answer. He can hear a light splashing noise,indicating you must be in the bath

Trying his best to stay calm, Jihyun realises you haven’tlocked the door. That is very unlike you

“Honey, MC, are you okay? Did you hear me?” he calls. Thesplashing gets a bit louder, and he turns the door and opens it slowly, hisheart pounding. “MC?-”

His heart drops as he sees you. You’re in the bath fullyclothed, forcing your head under the water, your body struggling against itselfas it begged for air

V dives forward and grabs you around the waist, lifting youfrom the bath. Water spills everywhere as Jihyun tightens his arms around you

You’re sick almost instantly, and he helps you over to thetoilet. Mainly water comes up, and you splutter and gasp for air

“J-Jihyun?” you stutter, once you’ve finished being ill. Vjust stares straight ahead as he continues rubbing circles in to your back. Youcan tell he’s trying to register what’s happening

“Honey, why would you... is everything alright? You do knowyou can tell me anything,” he reminds you, his voice so quiet and brokensounding that you can feel your heart breaking

You try to explain your motives, and he pulls you so closeto him you’re sitting on his lap. He continues to rub circles in to your back,before mumbling that he needs to call an ambulance so they can make sure you’reokay. You nod silently, and he takes out his phone and rests the side of hishead against yours as he quietly talks in to the phone

When he hangs up, he slides it back in to his pocket beforewrapping both arms around you and burying his face in your neck. He’s so silentfrom then on, even when the paramedics arrive and even when you’re both sittingin the back of the ambulance

V gets lost in his head, trying to figure out what he’ssupposed to do for you, to help you and to make sure something like this doesn’thappen again. After you’re told you are okay, he takes you home and justcuddles with you on the sofa, whispering to you all that he’s been thinkingabout over the last few hours, and reminding you that he loves you and willalways love you, until the both of you finally stop shaking with anxiety andfall asleep together

Unknown/Saeran

Saeran had gone out for a walk, needing a bit of fresh air.You were still asleep, and so he let you rest by yourself in the bunker for thetime being, knowing you would probably still be asleep when he got home

And so he was surprised when his phone buzzed with a textfrom you. He stared at the screen, the five worded text – ‘I’m sorry. I loveyou’ – confusing him greatly for a moment, before he suddenly realisedsomething was up and turned and ran back to the bunker

“MC?” he calls as he opens the door. “What do you mean bythis text?”

He can’t hide the worry from his voice. You don’t respond,but Seven stands up from where he was working and walks over

“Is everything okay, Saeran?” he asks slowly, a concernedlook on his face

“Where is MC?” Saeran barks, and Seven just shrugs

“I thought you were both still sleeping, I hadn’t evenrealised you’d gone out.”

Saeran pushes past him and sprints to your shared room. Whenhe enters, he freezes and watches as you force the knife into your abdomen,letting out a shriek as you do so

He’s over by you in a heartbeat, gently holding you andlowering you down to sit on the bed

“MC, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he yells,ignoring Seven who is now standing at the door looking terrified

You stare at him, wide eyed, hands still holding the knife.The pain is overwhelming, and you can’t think enough to form words, but stillyou let your jaw drop open as you try to speak

“I’ll call an ambulance,” Seven says from the doorway,rushing off to get his phone

“MC, tell me right now, what the fuck you were hoping toachieve by doing this,” Saeran snarls, glaring at you, but you can see the painforming in his eyes

“I’m s-sorry,” is all you can manage, and with that he wrapshis arms around you and pulls you close, careful to avoid touching anywherenear the knife. You wrap one arm around him, using the other to hold the knifeas still as possible, knowing it would be worse to pull it out now. You feelhis hand over your own on the knife, making sure you don’t try to pull it out

He starts to sob into your shoulder, apologising over andover, his voice so quiet he’s practically whispering. He won’t say anythingother than sorry for a good ten minutes, his voice becoming more and morehoarse and unclear

He lets go of the knife and moves away slightly when theparamedics arrive. You’re rushed to hospital, with him and Seven sitting in theback of the ambulance with you Seven rests a hand on Saeran’s arm and keeps itthere for the entire ride, Saeran too distraught to push him away or get him tolet go. Every time you whimper or make any noise expressing your pain, Sevencan feel him jolt, and Saeran digs his nails harder in to his leg each time,knowing he’s going to break the skin soon, but not caring enough to stop. Heneeds the pain right now

As Saeran waits in the waiting room, he leans his head inhis hands and rests his elbows on his knees, refusing to move or talk until you’reable to speak to him. Even then, he ends up just whimpering and apologisingagain as he leans down to you to hold you.

“Please never leave me MC. I’m begging you, never leave.”

(AN: Initially I wasgoing to make MC use a gun in the last one, and stop the repetition of the twoones where she hurts her wrists, but I honestly don’t want to do the researchon where MC would have to shoot herself in a suicide attempt for it not towork, whereas I already know that a stab to the abdomen will not cause adefinite death for her, although it will cause a lot of pain.

I do truly hope you’reall okay, I am here if anyone needs someone to talk do. Take care!)

[d-clarence]

Samurai Jack Episode CI Headcanon/Fanfic

I’ve brought this up on an Ask and another post I reblogged, but I just got the motivation to fully flesh it out and type it out while it is still fresh in my mind.

Warning, potentially spoiler heavy and quite a lengthy post!

- — -

*Imagine the final battle with Jack’s forces against Aku’s at the latter’s fortress. Jack’s allies have rescued Jack from captivity and he recovered his sword.*

The Fate of the entire Universe hangs in the Balance as Samurai Jack faces Aku.

The plan was simple. Circle around Aku's fearsome tower fortress as a distraction force against Aku while Samurai Jack got in close enough to vanquish Aku. The Scotsman’s new army has assembled together for what may be their last battle. Their forces are consisting of many of the people Jack affected in his life, including the Archers, Woolies, and even Da Sa-Moo-Rai’s rag-tag group from his bar. The face off will be against seemingly never ending legions of Aku’s Beetle Drones, interstellar bounty hunters, and his summoned minions taking place outside in the crater surrounding Aku’s fearsome tower fortress. However, Jack's objective was side tracked as he was forced to face off Corrupted Ashi as Aku watches from his throne cackling in mad laughter.

“Yes… the simplest solution is usually the best one…” Aku mused.

“Ashi! You can’t let it end this way! Please Ashi, fight!” Jack begged.

The Samurai tried desperately to get Ashi to fight the corruption controlling her, but to no avail. Her whip-like attacks from her new limbs toss Jack around as he cringed at every slash from his blade that made her scream in agony as tendril after tendril, burned away to ash and regenerated at an astonishing pace.

“Aah! I… can’t! You have to kill me, Jack! There is no other way! Don’t let me live like this!” Ashi screamed as she temporarily broke away, tears pouring from her eyes, only to be silenced by the blackness of Aku’s curse.

As a powerful backhand sends Jack flying into a stone pillar of fire, he sees his situation. His hair was let loose in a mess and precious gi was completely torn off at the top half and bloodied and tattered from the waist to the bottom. Slashes, bruises and blood seeped from his wounds, and the love of his life utterly lost to Aku’s will as the demon smugly folds his gargantuan arms from his throne.

There is only one way.

No. There has to be another.

But it is what she wanted.

She needs to fight harder!

But she can’t.

Please. Grant her peace. You know what you have to do.

Ashi sprung forward, lunging at Jack as he in turn raised his sword at the ready, fighting back tears that still rolled down his blood-smeared and dirty countenance.

“Forgive me…” he whispered one last time.

He likewise sprung forward thrusting his sword, when the unexpected happened.

Seeing that Jack will be the victor, Aku did the one thing that would break his eternal adversary’s sanity. The one thing that would top all of the evil acts Aku ever did in existence.

As the lovers charged and were about to make contact, Aku pulled his influence and essence from Ashi leaving her in her former human state, in the drab prison outfit and black boots she wore beforehand. She didn’t know at first why she still ran to Jack, arms outstretched above her head. Confusion struck both their faces.

Then it hit her.

Tip pierced flesh. Blade pushed through. Her insides shredded as the sword went through her for what felt like an eternity, but twas only a moment. With a resounding crunch and snap, the sword drenched in her blood shot through her spine and out her back. The deed was done.

“No…” Jack whispered. He wanted all of this to be nothing more than a nightmare, but no, it was more real than ever. He drove his mighty sword through her to the hilt.

Tears welled up in both of their eyes. He let go of the blade as she staggered and began to fall for the last time. Jack caught her, right arm around her waist, left hand around the side of her neck. He saw she was losing focus and felt her pulse began to slow down.

The pain was too much for her to bear as it shot through her abdomen. She couldn’t feel her limbs anymore. The last thing she felt was his blade.

Blood pooled around them in the crimson floor of Aku’s chamber as he smiled in content.

She tried to speak, to give her final words of forgiveness, gratitude, and love to Jack, but she only coughed out blood and gurgled. Over 50 years of combat experience couldn’t prepare him for this.

“No no no! Ashi… I’m so sorry!” he cried as rivers spilled down his face and his voice cracked. She was done for.

The lovers shared one more solid look in each other’s eyes as he cradled her, she could only give a faint smile to Jack before the light in her eyes went away. The smile dropped.

Ashi lies dead in her lover’s arms.

“Hahahahahaha! Foolish Samurai!” Aku thundered. “Did you really think that you really deserved her? Star-crossed lovers is what you both were! Never meant to be, never will be!” The taunts persisted.

Samurai Jack held her lifeless body close, hoping for a miracle, but that never came.

“I’m… so… sorry…” he cried as he buried his face next to hers.

Aku’s laugh echoed through the inner sanctum as the tower shook from the battle outside. Explosions that were barely audible resounded in their ears. Aku headed over to show Jack the true weight of his failure. He pulled down what seemed to be a zipper on the wall as it opened with a mysterious hiss.

Jack could only helplessly look up at how much worse things were going.

The window opened to a horiffic sight. The battle was not going well. Despite the growing mounds of corpses of Aku’s terrible horde, it was a desperate fight for survival for Jack’s men and women. Their ammunition began to run dry, their blades ran dull. Bloody pools of reds, blues, and greens mixed with the black of Aku’s sentries littered the battlefront. Screams and shouts were drowned out by the clatter of bladed, mechanical legs. Several legions began to retreat. Lone survivors lingered in a dazed and shocked awe, some missing limbs, others searching for loved ones buried in the corpses.

Hope was lost.

The black demon bent down, facing Jack, a devilish green smile that stretched before him. “Annihilating your scum will set an example to all who dare oppose Aku!” He rose and laughed maniacally once more.

Enough.

Jack collected himself as his rage fueled high. He clenched his fists and he let out a yell that might as well have been heard around the world.

“AAAKUUUUU!!!!!!!” Jack pulled out his sword from Ashi’s gut as her limp body fell back into her pool of blood. He didn’t bother giving her a second look as he jumped high in the air, sword held above his head, about to strike.

Aku was too absorbed in what he perceived to be his victory to realize what came down upon him.

Jack screamed and brought the blade crashing down on the cursed demon, slicing down from his neck to the ground. The wisps of darkness burned to ash and blew away.

They both came crashing down as the evil one attempted to retaliate, sending scores of his black tendrils after the Samurai, only for them to be cut down with precision and ease. Eventually, only his upper torso and left arm was left, him weakly gripping the pillar behind him that he rested his head on.

“Heh heh heh… killing me won’t undo the past, nor bring back your sweet Ashi.” he proudly, but weakly spat. “My unspeakable evil has reached through the stars and eons!”

“No.” the Samurai said. He pointed his sword at him and shouted, “your unspeakable evil ends today! The present and future shall flourish in your absence!”

Jack yelled and leaped once more and drove the sacred blade between Aku’s eyes and twisted. The devil screamed and convulsed as his body lit and burned away to ash. The reign of Aku’s terror was finally over.

Slowly coming back to his senses, Jack calmly sheathed his sword and turned away. He almost let the madness drive him again, but not this time. He turned to Ashi and met her eyes once more, still wide open and the tears that cascaded down her face were dried and present. He closed her beautiful, lifeless eyes gently as he planted a kiss in her now cold lips and picked her up on front of him in his exhausted arms. Her blood dripped from her wound, further staining what was left of Jack’s gi. She’s become another memory, another casualty. Just as he feared.

He marched onwards to the front gate that opened to the light of the outside world. Much to Jack’s surprise, a miracle occured! He wondered in the back of his mind how he was going to go through the remnants of the armies of Aku, but no more thought was necessary. The beetle drones, the destroyers of many, were all offline! The bots fell and lay where they once stood. The remaining minions and mercenaries scattered in panic and retreat in realizing their main support was lost for good. Loud cheering echoed with the machine gun fire, sword clashing, and explosions that rocked the barren wasteland. It seems that when Aku died, his control over his machines and minons vanished as well, leaving them either permanently disabled or lost and demoralized.

Many of Jack’s friends came over charging and dealing with the stragglers with ease.

“At least they made it.” Jack sighed and looked down on his love. “Oh, how I wish you could see this, Ashi…”

The first to arrive was Flora and some of her sisters. They were hurt from battle, but that didn't sour their spirit. “Woohoo! We hit them right in their daddy bags!” she cheered. Many others joined in.

But when she looked at Jack, her joy dropped harder than a boulder off a cliff. The others came around to their hero.

“Jack… What happened?” Flora inquired. Her father, the Scotsman, appeared behind her in shock of the scene before him.

“I defeated Aku, but it came at a terrible price. Ashi is gone.” he calmly spoke.

“Jack… I’m so sorry… I…” the Scotsman apologized.

“No.” Jack interrupted. “You both have nothing to be sorry for. This is a great victory, and we all gave our lives and more to make sure it happened.”

Flora took charge and carried Ashi’s body respectfully from Jack’s arms. She could only offer a smile for him. Her father said, “We’ll make sure this lass gets a proper funeral, laddie!”

“Thank you.” the depression clear in his voice as he walked away, head down. He couldn’t bear seeing the one he loved so much taken away from him. They all wanted to offer him support, but couldn’t. He always left before anyone could.

He walked on seeing rebels, soldiers, knights, Spartans, and civilians from many cultures and races cheering and raising their worn weapons in victory. Others scrambled to tend to the survivors, the grieving, and the wounded. The most prominent was Olivia, from the village of kids Jack saved from a rave cult decades earlier. She slung her father’s old, beaten hunting rifle on her back and jumped atop a tall mound of robot corpses. Despite the blood from her bandaged injuries, she still rose her hands high and proclaimed,

“Samurai Drop!!!”

The crowds around rose their hands in the signature “S” shape and sang their song of praise and danced the Samurai.

In any other day, Jack would have admired, even joined in on the display, but now was different. This war cost so many, and he lost too much now. He lost his Empire and parents. He lost many of those who fought alongside him. Now, he lost his one chance at true love in his disastrous and lonely life in an instant. He walked on, the crowds’ cheering left them unaware of his sudden departure.

As he reached the edge of the crater where the limits of Aku’s fortress began, he saw a figure, standing at the edge, observing him. Jack gripped his sword at the sight of this unknown man. One of Aku’s minions? No. He was something more. Upon better observation, he noticed the following:

Tall and well-built, in a black bodysuit, clearly worn from combat. He wore a raggedy cloak that covered his chest, part of his head, and flowed to the wind from his back. He carried in one hand, a large katana that sported a red and black diamond pattern on the hilt, the blade dripping black from the oil of the drones. On the other, he shouldered a large silver and chrome plated heavy machine gun, barrel smoking from use and magazine half-empty. His face was expressionless, but seemed familiar. Blue skin, bald and covered his eyes with cracked red sunglasses.

“Could it be?” Jack wondered.

Before he could investigate further, the figure turned and walked away. He gave chase, and when he reached the edge and looked, the man was gone, except for a trail of footprints that continued for as far as the eye can see to the northeast.

“There’s nothing there except for…” before Jack could continue, a faint pillar of light emerged from the distance. Dark storm clouds collected around the faint sparkle and thundered.

Upon realizing the obvious, he spake to himself, “This could be my one chance to set things right. For Ashi, for everyone.”

Near him, he found several discarded transports his army used to get to battle, among them was a motorcycle very similar to the one he drove for many years. Upon inspection, the engine worked, hull was intact, and there’s more than enough fuel to get over to the light.

As he headed off with newfound vigor in his spirit, he mouthed the phrase that became his mantra,

“Gotta get back, back to the past… Samurai Jack…”

[oumakokichi]

I am well aware that you have talked about her briefly on a previous post, but what are your thoughts on Harukawa's character overall?

I have a couple of questions about Maki that I’ve been meaning to answer, so I’m going to answer them together like this!

There will be spoilers for pretty much everything about Maki as a character, and also spoilers involving Chapter 5 and onwards in ndrv3, so avoid reading if you don’t want to be spoiled that far ahead!

To be honest, the more I go through ndrv3 again and again,the more I find myself liking Maki. She really, genuinely grew on me, and whileI still would rank Ouma, Saihara, and Kaede as my top ndrv3 favorites in thatorder, Maki is a very, very close fourth.

I have seen a lot of hate on Maki lately in the tags, and I’mwell aware that many people are rather mixed on how to view some of the thingsshe did. I feel it’s honestly a shame, because Maki displayed real developmentand real progression in her behavior and attitude about things, and while I’maware that certainly Maki messed up (gravely) along the way, I feel it’sperfectly possible to hold her accountable for her actions while still enjoyingher as a character.

The twist about her talent was great. Pretty much everyoneknew or suspected that there wasn’t something quite right with her being a SHSLCaregiver, but it was just a matter of knowing what her real talent actuallywas. Her status as one of the first characters’ whose designs was released,complete with mysterious promotional art which made everyone wonder if shemight be the protagonist or not, had everyone debating over what her talentwould be and what her role in the game would lead to.

SHSL Assassin wound up being a great decision. I am,admittedly, inclined to be a little biased on this front, considering Maki isvoiced by Maaya Sakamoto, the voice actress for Shiki Ryougi who is one of thebest known assassins in anime of all time and has more than a few strikingsimilarities in common with Maki. But speaking from an unbiased perspective,the reveal about Maki and her in-game backstory was great, and I feel like alot of the potential that went unfulfilled with Mukuro as a SHSL Soldier wasbrought back around and this time used seriously for Maki instead.

Many are harsh on Maki for her stance as one of the coldest,most distant characters in the game, but I feel a lot of this is just thatpeople don’t enjoy seeing these traits in a female character nearly as much asthey enjoy seeing them in a male character (I’m going to keep bringing up theTogami comparison, yes, and while we’re at it, Kuzuryuu, who also literally hadpeople killed). Much of Maki’s coldness, and her tendency to snap a, “Do youwant to be killed?” at anyone who even mildly gets on her nerves, is heavilytied to her backstory in-game and the things she had to experience in order totrain as an assassin.

When she begins slowly but surely opening up, just a littlebit, to Momota and Saihara during their training sessions, Maki reveals quite alot that sheds light on why she acts the way that she does or finds it so hardto stop herself from expecting the same level of seriousness and ruthlessattention to detail from others that she finds in herself.

Back when she first started training for her job, she wentthrough exercises and drills so merciless that she was literally forced to do themuntil she dropped. When she would stop or collapse, she was met with the same “Doyou want to be killed?” line that she now finds herself instinctively repeatingto others. Little by little, any room for hesitation or mercy or kindness inMaki was drilled out of her, and she found herself even unable to cry at herown situation anymore. She felt empty, hollowed out, turned into a tool and aweapon to kill others without even knowing their names or why they needed todie. When describing these things to Saihara, she even says point-blank that ifasked which she felt were more “human,” herself or Kiibo, she’d pick Kiibo in aheartbeat.

In short, Maki is not someone who has ever been allowed theluxury of considering her own feelings or emotions on a daily basis, becausethese things would detract from the “ruthless assassin” image that was expectedof her. Even in a situation that no longer calls for her to kill others formoney, she still is inevitably linked to the trauma she experienced, and can’tquite stop herself from repeating the same line of reasoning that was forced onher. And even to this day, she finds herself wondering if maybe things would be different if she had never left the orphanagewhere she grew up, and maybe she would have been able to develop into adifferent person—and I find that highly understandable and very humanizing forher character.

Like Mukuro and Peko before her, Maki barely even considersherself a human being due to the atrocities she’s been forced to commit, andthe fact that most of her own emotions and ambitions were stomped out of her.But unlike those two, she is given a fantastic degree of autonomy and room todevelop by the narrative, and much like Togami and Kuzyruu, who were the “cold,loner-type” survivors before her, she finds her outer shells being strippedaway the more time she spends with people who genuinely care about her and areinterested in her.

I know a lot of people have also brought up Chapter 2 as areason they dislike Maki, with Ouma’s accusation that she only showed Ryoumahis motive video in order to purposely crush his will to live and get himkilled by someone else, thereby removing him from the game since he knew abouther SHSL Assassin identity.

But I personally don’t believe Ouma was saying these things asa 100% factual account of what happened: I think they were merely supposed tobe an accusation, and he phrased it in the most brutal, worst-possible wayintentionally because he wanted to provoke a reaction from her in front ofeveryone. For all Maki’s coldness and all her desire to remain distant from thegroup, her reluctance to talk about Ryouma in Chapter 2 struck me less asself-interested because she didn’t want the rest of them to suspect her (theywere already suspecting her because she refused to provide an alibi), and moreas her being…well, guilty, and not really knowing how to handle it very well.

Guilt is an emotion I’m sure she probably thought herselfalready well-accustomed to considering her talent, but the fact that Ryoumanonetheless died had to have hit her very hard, and she was clearly holdingherself accountable for it to some degree. Having been faced with hard truths andgrown up an orphan-turned-killer, Maki had been acclimated to the fact that shehad no loved ones and no one who truly cared for her as a sort of harsh truthto face for all her life. And she showed Ryouma his video because he keptinsisting that he wanted to see it—and then the weight of it crushed him, andit wasn’t something she had been expecting considering such a thing had nevercrushed her own will to live or kept her from going on.

Ouma is perceptive. When he sees a weak point, he strikes atit. If Maki were truly remorseless about Ryouma’s death, and only interested inkilling as an assassin, she would have simply ignored Ouma’s accusations infront of the group and then doubled back around later to try and find a way tochoke him or kill him on his own when no one else was around. The fact that shelashed out at all meant that he found a weak point in her emotions and wasintentionally targeting it, and that weak point itself was the guilt she wasfeeling. He phrased it in a way that probably resembled her own inner thoughtsand doubts about why she ever showed Ryouma that video.

But unfortunately, I think a lot of the fanbase took Ouma’swords at face value and honestly came to believe that she genuinely wantedRyouma to die. Ouma clearly meant to level the playing field: Maki hiding hertalent was unfair to the rest of the group and a definite threat to his abilityto investigate things at his own leisure, and he spilled her secret in front ofeveryone in order to remove that particular obstacle. All of this, of course,backs up the idea that he actually does hate murderers and liars, but that’sanother story for another time.

Finally, there’sChapter 5. Maki’s actions in Chapter 5 do wind up (unintentionally) resultingin the deaths of both Momota and Ouma, it’s true. And she certainly did rushinto assumptions and mess things up beyond fixing. But I feel like in DR, thisis a constant thing that happens. For all that Maki tries to maintain a façade ofbeing constantly calm and composed, her temper is actually very, very shortjust under the surface, and it’s clear to see that she’s anact-first-ask-questions-later sort of character, just as she’s been trained tobe.

Maki falling for Ouma’s act and believing that he was themastermind is not really something I can blame her for or hold entirelyaccountable for. He’s a fantastic actor, almost never letting his guard dropever, and to an assassin, the idea of “if I remove this person from the playingfield entirely then I’ll have gotten the job done” is pretty commonplace. Shenever, ever expected that Momota would become involved in the situation or windup getting hurt instead, and the fact that she rushed into things and tried toforce her own solution into the game is precisely what backfired and caused oneof the few people she’s ever cared about to get hurt.

It’s not something the narrative excuses her for or tries togloss over. She really, truly holds herself accountable and is angry andmiserable and frustrated at the realization that this person, who she initiallydidn’t want to let get close to her but who wormed his way into her heartnonetheless, is gone for good, and that it is largely her fault. It waspainful, and awful, and she truly messed up, and I thought it was brilliantlydone character development. Because where Maki before was the kind of characterto brush off death and loss as an inevitable part of life as an assassin andexpress little to no remorse or attachment to anything, by Chapter 5 she’s beenunarguably changed by Momota, and his death is one that she’ll have to carry onher shoulders, always.

The fact that Ouma died in Chapter 5 as well is regrettable,but it’s also as a consequence of his own actions. He carried his act too far,and became too tired and jaded after Chapter 4. Despite how much he likes tobluff, Ouma in the first few chapters is never a particularly big risk taker.Every action he took was carefully calculated and planned, and he never made amove unless he was at least 99% certain it would work in his favor. But inChapter 5, he began taking huge risks. He began making erratic andunpredictable moves. Ultimately, I think even though he still wanted to end thekilling game and strike a blow at the mastermind once and for all, he was fartoo on edge and deep into his self-loathing, and he lost the same level of careand calculation that he’d been able to perfect before.

Had he perhaps not pushed everyone else away or let thoselike Saihara in just a little further to the point where they could understandhim better, Ouma wouldn’t have had to go to the lengths that he went to. But hedoes decide to face death fearlessly and he goes out as a matter of his ownchoice, and I feel that should be respected, and not pinned on Maki as entirelyher fault when she fell for a ruse that he wanted her to fall for in the firstplace.

I hope this has cleared up some of my feelings on Maki allaround. I really do love her, and I think she’s a sort of female character wehaven’t ever gotten to see from a DR installment before, which is reallyfantastic. Her flaws and mistakes and her skewed sense of self-perception makeher complex and understandable without being excusable all of the time, andthat’s good writing, in my opinion.