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Drabble List #11
75 prompts to write drabbles or longer stories.
"Oh no, that's heartbreaking."
"Finders keepers, losers weepers."
"I can't believe you've done this."
"You're a little to late for that."
"That's simply rock 'n' roll, baby."
"Give me ice cream. Now!"
"And this is how you do it."
"Such a sad thing to say."
"To be honest, I really don't care."
"It wasn't supposed to end like this."
"I went willingly."
"Why don't I believe you?"
"I want us to have a good relationship."
"I fear absolutely nothing."
"Want a massage?"
"It's a new law, look it up."
"Can you walk a bit faster maybe?"
"I don't know why yet."
"Don't say another word."
"That's something to celebrate!"
"Apologize and we're even."
"I hate that sound."
"This is too small."
"Get used to it."
"Oh, definitely not!"
"I am very disappointed right now."
"This is not practical at all."
"I will not take the blame for this."
"Well, tough luck, my friend."
"That's so tragic."
"No, don't say it, I want to guess!"
"I'm working on myself now."
"Can you please stop thinking so loud?"
"This is stressing me out so much."
"You can't let them get away with that."
"Are you finished, so you'll listen to me?"
"Wow, that's expensive!"
"No, not on my watch."
"That's a new low for you."
"I think, I have always been in love with you."
"You are actually scary."
"That cat hates me!"
"Please, stop looking like you want to kill me."
"Not surprised, but still disappointed."
"You're in for a big surprise."
"And I'm here to save you."
"What a failure."
"Explosive news."
"I need some assistance here."
"Aren't you happy to see me?"
"This is so embarrassing!"
"Does it start with the letter A?"
"Not the right place, not the right time."
"I'm a wonderful human being."
"That's not very nice."
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"I don't even wanna know what you're thinking."
"It's too quiet here..."
"Totally on-brand for me."
"I fail to see how that is my problem."
"Well, I will make it your problem."
"Did you hear a word I said?"
"It's very fashionable."
"What doesn't kill me still hurts."
"Fucked around, found out."
"That's illegal."
"I hope you have insurance."
"Seems like you have to sleep here tonight."
"Could be better, but could also be worse."
"Tell me one thing that's true."
"I'm sick of all the lies."
"No response, as always."
"Do you think that's funny?"
"The train already left."
"Sign your name here. Now."
Drabble Masterlist
Have fun creating and writing!
If you like my blog and want to support me, you can buy me a coffee or become a member! And check out my Instagram! 🥰
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zepskies · 2 days
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Podcast Interview With Idling in the Impala: "Y/N and Let Y/N…"
Here we go! Sandra and Kasey, the lovely hosts of @idlingintheimpalapodcast — the podcast for all things SPN and fanfiction — invited me on the pod for an interview…
We chatted about Dean Winchester and Jensen Ackles’ early roles, the best and worst seasons of SPN, the joys and pains of writing Soldier Boy, and much, much more.
That’s right, there be some hot takes coming in this convo, and I had an absolute blast with these two! (And like I said in Sunday's announcement, I’m also putting my name and my voice out there for the first time! 😆)
So if any of that sounds interesting, feel free to dive in!
(**Important Note: Just to preface, we recorded this back in June, so it was before I posted certain stories or even started developing Lost on You. It was also when Tumblr activity/engagement was going through a spring/summer slowdown lol.
Links to all the fics and podfics we mentioned are at the end of this post.)
Have a listen: ⤵️
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Interview Timestamps –
(Plus fic recs, SPN writer shoutouts, and more!)
1:44 – Who’s your guy: Sam or Dean?
3:35 – Getting into Supernatural for the first time (and seeing “Deanisms” in Jensen’s early roles).
10:15 – We debate the best and worst seasons of SPN: talking Mary Winchester, the British MOL, MOC Dean vs. Demon Dean, Chuck/God villainy, “jump the shark” moments, and that ending.
30:29 – Favorite SPN characters besides Sam and Dean.
32:34 – Writing fanfiction, joining Tumblr, and writing reader inserts vs. OCs.
38:05 – To “Y/N” or not “Y/N,” and the power of 2nd person. (**Disclaimer: Despite my hot take on this, I’ve loved a lot of stories by authors who use Y/N in reader insert stories.
Also, if I’m remembering the book You and its characters incorrectly forgive me, it’s been like 5 years since I read it lol.) 
51:00 – Favorite fanfic tropes in romance, the joys and challenges of writing Soldier Boy (AKA: the Original Asshole), and attempting to humanize Ben in Break Me Down.
Shoutout to @deans-spinster-witch always for giving me the inspiration to write BMD. 💚
Why We Love The Boys – A review of Supes Ain’t Always Heroes
1:07:57 – Engaging with readers, tips on increasing engagement, optimizing your Tumblr blog, writing schedules and processes, and incorporating reader feedback into stories.
1:26:38 – Sandra graciously narrated Midnight Espresso (Dean Winchester x Plus-sized Latina!Reader). We chat about what sparked the idea for the ME-verse, self-representation in fanfic, feeding Dean, loving Dean, and writing about culture and ethnicity in the fandom space.
1:38:26 – Chatting about the inspirations behind Smoke Eater, a firefighter!Dean AU; law enforcement procedurals, House MD, and researching for stories.
1:44:30 – Which Jackles character is the easiest or most fun to write?
1:47:39 – The challenges of writing Sam vs. Dean.
1:53:15 – Shoutouts! To some of my favorite SPN authors. I could only remember a few people off the top of my head (stupid me), but I love all of you!!
@waynes-multiverse @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior @luci-in-trenchcoats @rizlowwritessortof @waywardxwords
@deanwinchesterswitch @deanbrainrotwritings @deanwritings @spnbabe67 @thatonewriter15
@justagirlinafandomworld @kaleldobrev @artyandink @princessmisery666 @wayward-dreamer (– and many more.)
2:00:40 – How I came up with my username.
2:05:04 – Kasey’s Secret Question…
2:07:38 – Advice to fanfic writers and creatives for inspiration and/or wisdom.
2:16:35 – Sandra and Kasey’s lovely outro: self-representation in fandom, escapism, diverse voices, and more. (“Reach out a hand. Touch somebody. …Not like that.”)
📖 Fics Mentioned:
Sandra: @talltalesandbedtimestories -
Some Sunny Day Series – Dean Winchester x OFC - (I'm in the process of reading this entire series and it's been a joy to read! 💜)
Past Due – Dean Winchester x Reader
The Iceman Cometh – Dean Winchester x Reader
Cowboy Canter (Original Fiction) – Inspired by cowboyish Dean/Jensen.
Kasey: @sam-is-my-safe-word -
English Cottage-verse – Sam Winchester x Reader (I've read it and it's fantastic! 💜)
(K)not for sale – Soldier Boy x Dean Winchester
Alex (Zep/Me) -
Break Me Down – Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Reader
Midnight Espresso (& the Series Masterlist) – Dean Winchester x Plus-sized Latina!Reader
Dream With Me – Dean Winchester x Plus-sized Latina!Reader
Smoke Eater – Firefighter!Dean Winchester x F. Reader
Every Second Counts – Russell Shaw x F. Reader
🎙️ Stories/Podfics Sandra has narrated for me:
Podfic Playlist
And please remember to check out all the other awesome interviews, narrated podfics, and fun topics covered by Sandra and Kasey on the Idling in the Impala Podcast!
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thepersonperson · 2 days
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Seeing your latest post. Do you think there is a connection with JJK 0 ending theme? It's title is "Sakayume". It's by King Gnu too.
Believe it or not, someone else in 2022 was intrigued by the JJK 0 ending theme being called Sakayume. Quoting this poster directly:
"逆夢 sakayume Is a dream that contradicts reality. It’s unrealistic meaning that it can’t or won’t happen in real life."
This song is then compared to the anime's ED 2, Cö shu Nie's give it back.
"I feel this song is about 逆夢 sakayume in a sense. The song speaks about “giving back the dream” It’s called “Give it back” and it’s like “give me back the dream” “what happened to rest of the dream and why did I have to wake to reality”  basically it’s longing. It’s longing to go back to the dream and not a reality that contradicts that dream. So when I hear this ED I also think of the movie’s theme song for them which is Sakayume!"
Keep this in the back your mind. It only gets worse from here.
Yuji and Megumi's Character Songs
Recently, I got this in my replies from @mizzi14-blog.
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(Here's a link to all the character songs with corresponding videos for listening.)
A translation for Megumi's character song Uchujin's Hakujitsumu (Daydream). From the last stanza:
This is not a song to just forget about the painful past This is a song that confronts the sadness The moon in the night sky waxes and wanes There are no stars in sight. But even in the darkness, tomorrow shines brightly And this is a song I share with you.
In summary, this song is about someone trying to confront their trauma but getting swept up in a daydream with their beloved.
A translation for Yuji's character song Kuchiroro's Itsuka dokoka de (Sometime, Somewhere). From the last stanza:
Nobody knows… Ah. The heart of my real self is so cowardly. I try to scream until I lose my voice. I don’t need anything… I bear a fate I still cannot accept. If I can share my feelings somewhere then I might speak about how my dream continues…
In summary, this song is about someone who feels lonely and isolated dreaming of their ideal world through the pain.
Y'all this diabolical. What the hell.
But wait there's more!
Sukuna mocked Yuji and Megumi's doomed love when he made the Enchain Binding Vow with Yuji using some ridiculous wordplay way back in JJK 11.
Enchain doubles as Megumi Activities. But let's break that down some more. (Unfortunately the Twitter account of the person I referenced may or may not be nuked so here's this screenshot I've doctored.)
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So we have the translation of Enchain from 契闊 (Keikatsu), which might be better localized as Separation.
This term comes from a Chinese poem about lovers who are husband and wife in The Book of Odes, Section I (Lessons from the States), Chapter 3 (The Odes of Bei), Poem 31 (Banging the Drum). (Here's a link to the full poem and context of it.)
In summary, it’s about a soldier who is on the brink of death, having lost nearly everything after being abandoned by those in power, lamenting the happiest days of his life with his love are ones he can never get back. (Hey that sounds just like what Sukuna did to Yuji!)
Keikatsu specifically comes from this passage:
“Our vow is beyond death and life”, I and you are together I always remembered. I will hold your hand, And together we grow old.
Too pitiful we are faraway apart, The distance separates us to meet again! Too miserable this takes forever, And it does not let us fulfill our vow!
Keikatsu is used to exemplify how the physical distance between the husband and wife prevents them from fulfilling their wedding vows. And that's just what Keikatsu/Enchain does to Yuji and Megumi, it causes painful separation neither of them wanted.
In Conclusion?
GEGE GREGORY AKUTAMI IS THIS JUST DOOMED YAOI ALL THE WAY DOWN?????? GEGE!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!
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cherrycolored-punk · 4 hours
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NHTK - Chapter Two
Masterlist
pairing: brother's best friend! Eddie Munson x fem! Reader, reader is Reefer Rick’s little sister.
w/c: 6.2k
author's note: this is a repost from my previous blog @strangemagicc but somewhat re-written, some of their story has changed. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please reblog if you did, support is always appreciated!
warnings: angst, mention of cheating (technically not reader), mention of anxiety and a past car accident, brief mention of money issues for reader
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Then:
“Fucking shit!” 
Eddie can hear the worry in your voice as he rounds the corner. The sound of his heavy boots against the tiled floor catches your attention.
The fear is vibrant in your eyes when you turn to him, a quiet cry for help and he can’t help but chuckle at the scene. At the state of your brows pushed together, face twisted in horror.
He looks over your shoulder, noticing that the popcorn is overfilled and smoke is billowing from behind the glass doors of the machine. Charred pieces of popcorn fall into the vat; the burnt smell wafts around you and fills the air.
“Way to go, Little Lipton,” he laughs and moves around you to turn off the machine.
“Shut up,” but the words come out like a whine.
You’re already annoyed that he caught you creating a mess and even more peeved that he’s looking at you with that cocky smirk of his.
“Alright,” he sighs heavily, “this one is going to be out of commission for a bit, so we’ll need to make sure that one is always prepped with fresh kernels,” he tilts his chin to the only other popcorn machine and leans against the counter with his arms crossed.
“Out of commission?” Your voice raises an octave, face twisting in horror as his words make alarms blare in your skull.
“Yeah,” he chuckles as though his next words are obvious.
“We have to clean this one before we use it, or all the other batches are going to taste like shit, and that’s not the easiest or fastest task.”
“He’s going to kill me,” you groan and drop your head back.
He being your manager and a major pain in your ass since the day you started working here. Mark wanted things a certain way; candies lined in a specific direction, cups displayed for the customers to see, popcorn made to perfection and not burnt until it turned to dust.
“Probably not kill, just maim,” Eddie shrugs with a crooked grin, a glint of amusement in his chestnut eyes as he stares down at you.
“You never told me what to do if I burnt the kernels,” you abruptly look up at him and swat at his arm. 
His smile grows wider at your display.
“That’s because I told you not to overfill the kettle and never thought you’d ignore that tidbit,” he sighs dramatically, “guess that’s what I get for thinking.”
Reflexively he moves out of arm’s reach before you can do any serious damage.
Eddie enjoys the way your lower lip juts out, how your forehead creases between your eyebrows when you are mad, and fuck, were you pissed.
It had been nearly two weeks since you started working at Hawk Theater, trying to save up for the new camcorder you’d been eying, and Eddie had been assigned to train you.
Or his form of training, which was a lot of “this is how they want us to do it, but this is what works.”
The problem was that you’d been distracted.
It was the way his smile lifted to the side and the way he tied his long curls into a messy ponytail. How he’d look at you when you caught onto something quick or the reassurance he’d quickly give when you didn’t. And sometimes, the sun would shine through the windows and hit his eyes just right, making them look like molten honey.
You couldn’t help the nervous flutters that sprung to life when he was near, your childhood crush resurfacing with teeth and taking hold of you.
It made it hard to listen and remember the instructions he told you, like not to fill the kernels past the very obvious line or else.
He never expounded on the or else, but negative consequences were heavily implied.
“You’re such a jerk,” you rebut, but the venom fell flat, the insult sounding endearing to Eddie’s ears.
“You already knew I was, sweetheart. Don’t know why you expected anything different now that you work with me,” he begins cleaning out the popcorn machine. Dumping the burnt kernels into the trash can before adding the cleaning solution to the kettle.
Your heart is still fluttering, replaying the single pet name over and over again.
“Guess that’s what I get for thinking,” you mimick him and begin helping him clean so the two of you would be ready for opening in thirty minutes.
Eddie watches you from the corner of his eye, the way your gaze is lit with mischief as you tease him, and he can't help but smile to himself.
“Are you two trying to set this place on fire?” Mark Huntzberger, the manager, bellows as he came down the stairs from his office. He eyes the mess you made with a stern, critical eye that shifts over the concession stand and back to you.
The air still smells of burnt kernels and puffs of smoke still swirl in the air - highlighted by the afternoon sun peeking through the windows.
You can’t help the way you shrink under his scrutiny.
“I know this may just be some summer job to you, but this is my livelihood. If you can’t get it together by the end of the week, I will make sure this one fires you.” He points a fat finger at Eddie before turning his attention to him. 
Munson’s face has gone flat, eyebrows set in a straight line. Jaw tense.
“It was an honest mistake,” Eddie interjects.
“Clean it up,” Huntzberger orders before disappearing into the ticket booth.
“Why did I think this was going to be easy or fun?” You question more to yourself than to Eddie, shoulders tense as you tie the trash bag containing the burnt kernels before pulling it from the bin.
“Because the town fuck up works here, how hard can it be?” He nudges you with a wink, wiping the inside of the soiled popcorn machine with a clean rag.
“Move over, Eddie. Someone’s about to take your place,” you giggle and walk towards the exit doors that lead to the alley behind the cinema.
Eddie drops the rag into the popcorn machine, following you outside.
The summer air is suffocating with its humidity—the sharp stench of spoiled food wafting from the dumpsters causing you to wince as you approach the dumpster.
“Don’t do that. It’s the only thing I got going for me,” his grin grows wider as he walks in step with you.
He was all self-deprecation all the time, and you begin to wonder how much of it he really believes—the thought causing a pang of sadness to twist in your gut.
You lift the bag over your head, but he stops you, taking it from your grasp and hoisting it into the metal canister.
“Y’know it’s not true, Ed’s,” you begin, brushing your hands off and looking up at him. Eyes nearly squinted closed from the intensity of the sun.
“What’s not?” He questions, leaning against a brick wall that hid the dumpsters from the rest of the alley.
You stand in front of him, toe to toe, trying to hide the way your gaze dances over his face. Tracing the freckles that line his nose and admiring the dimple pushed into his cheek as he smiles at you.
And fuck, he’s caught you staring.
“That you don’t have anything else going for you,” you clear your throat, “you have lots of talents-“
“Ah, yes, I am known for my natural ability to annoy and antagonize,” he interrupts, and you roll your eyes.
“You’re so annoying,” but the words sound more affectionate than irked.
“I’m being serious,” you begin again, “I mean, I don’t know many people who can learn a new song on the guitar half as fast as you. Didn’t you learn Master of Puppets in like a week?”
You shrug, doing your best to be nonchalant.
“And what about all the stuff you know about cars? Or the random tidbits about pop culture and music? You’re like an encyclopedia britannica,” you continue with a small laugh.
“For all things useless,” he corrects. 
You poke his side causing him to flinch away from your touch, swatting your hand in the process.
“I mean it!” You insist, gaze holding his. 
It’s the exact look you get when you’re excited about something, and Eddie chuckles, ears turning a shade of red from the attention you’re giving him.
“You’re just trying to flatter me so I don’t fire you,” he jokes, but you continue to look up at him with a dramatic bat of your eyes, inching closer.
“Is it working?” You retort, exaggerating the breathiness of your voice.
For a brief moment, you see his confident facade falter - his eyes darting between your eyes and the plush of your lips as he swallows hard. 
But in an instant, it returns.
“Flattery always works with me, sweetheart,” he winks and turns back to the building.
There it was again.
Your heart stops, skips, and starts again as you will your legs to move. You watch his retreating frame, eyes boring into the back of his head.
“You coming?” He doesn’t stop walking, and you take wide steps to catch up with him.
Before you walk back through the door, you grab his arm and turn him to face you. He’d successfully evaded your compliments before, but you needed him to know it wasn’t empty praise.
“I meant what I said, Eds.” 
He looks at you with a questioning perk of his eyebrow but doesn’t verbalize his confusion so you continue on.
“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” you squeeze his arm softly so he can feel your sincerity.
When he doesn’t say anything, you release his appendage with an uncertain grin and pull open the door, the cold cinema air greeting you.
Eddie watches your retreating frame for a moment, a little taken aback, before following you to the concession stand.
The two of you fall into an easy silence as you work. 
You wipe the counters and finish cleaning the popcorn machine, carefully following Eddie’s instructions while he sets up the rope dividers in between each register, making sure things are organized just as Mark liked before the doors opened.
He looks at you every so often, and you try to hide the way his subtle attention affects you, keeping your head down and focused on counting your till. Having to recount when you catch him looking again.
But finally, you’re ready for the day; doors unlocked, and fresh edible popcorn ready for the masses. A small line of moviegoers already stood in front of the ticket booth.
The two of you rest your backs against the counter, waiting for the first customer to approach, when Eddie leans over to you, warm breath fanning your ear.
“Thanks, (Y/N).”
It was the first time he said your name. Acknowledged you as something other than Little Lipton.
The first time Eddie saw you as more than just his best friend’s little sister.
—————
Now:
Eddie clamors into his trailer, heavy boots dragging across the worn carpet as he trudges to the kitchen and swings open the fridge, grabbing a six-pack that is nearly gone.
He spreads out on the couch and chugs one can before reaching for another, eyes darting around his home. Uncle Wayne had been gone for nearly a week on another cross-country drop-off, and Eddie usually enjoyed having the place to himself, but now the silence engulfed him.
The clock on the wall ticks loudly as the seconds pass, his thoughts clashing into each other.
—————
Then:
Eddie tries to keep his attention on the TV as you enter the room for the fourth time that afternoon.
Rick shakes his head, taking a quick absent look in your direction.
“Dude, I think my sister might like you,” your brother laughs as you disappear back into your room.
Eddie scoffs at his words, but the thrum of his heart would’ve given him away if Rick could hear it.
“I’d never date your sister,” Eddie nudges his arm against Rick’s, eyes still trained on the video game as he sniped an enemy target, but his mind wanders behind the wood of your door. Wondering what you’re doing and if Rick might actually be right.
“Like I’d let you,” he chuckles, breaking Munson’s train of thought.
Eddie’s brow twists in confusion, and it isn’t lost on Rick. 
He turns to his friend with a flippant roll of his eyes and a gentle nudge against the metalhead’s shoulder. Prepared to emphasize his point.
“Oh, come on. I love you, man, but there’s no way in hell I’d let my sister date a guy like you.”
Eddie chuckles along with Rick to conceal the sting of his friend’s words.
He knows all the things that people don’t like about him. His hair, his tattoos. The bad reputation he’d more than earned, but to hear it from his best friend made it sting more.
He can’t help but wonder if you see him that way, a loser with no future—just the town freak. 
And in that moment, he promises himself that he’ll never put himself out there to know.
—————
Now:
Eddie presses his palm to his eye, a headache building behind his orbital bone. 
Rick’s words reverberate off his skull as he grapples with the feelings he’s long ignored. The feelings that had sprouted and made a home of him since the summer he worked with you.
Eddie can still feel your lips against his, the electricity still humming in his veins, and fuck, he wishes it had lasted a moment longer.
He made a mistake, a huge mistake, and winces every time he thinks about the look on your face when he pushed you back into the passenger seat.
Eddie knows that if it went further, you’d only regret it once the sun rose and you’d sobered up. Once the realization hit that you’d slept with the pariah of Hawkins and he couldn’t live with you seeing him that way, with you regretting him.
Not when he already saw it in so many eyes around town.
He isn’t exactly someone you could take home, someone you could brag about or show off a picture of. He knows that much, has been told that much, and already accepts it as truth.
When girls got with Eddie, they expected fun. They expected drugs and a quick hookup.
Some of them never talked to him again, pretended they didn’t know him when they ran into him in town, and others told him that being with him made them realize they’d hit rock bottom.
God, he couldn’t handle you telling him that he was your rock bottom.
Eddie decides that it’s better to ignore it, to ignore you. Better to pretend it didn’t happen despite the way he feels. To spare himself from the regret he knew you’d eventually feel.
—————
Now:
It’s a rainy day, and fat drops bounce off the windshield as your father drives. Faster than usual. 
In a hurry but you don’t know where to.
The air conditioner is off, creating a layer of condensation on the windows. Making your legs stick to the leather seats of your family’s beat-up station wagon.
You draw butterflies on the glass, a small finger tracing against the cool pane. Grinning wide as your drawings expose the gray sky and the way the dark clouds roll quickly against its expanse.
The low hum of Strawberry Fields Forever plays over the radio, but your parent’s voices are louder.
Angrier.
Your mom sniffles, and you lean up in your seat to see if she’s crying, but the length of her hair conceals her face from view.
“Mama,” you push against her seat with your sneakered foot, but she doesn’t respond.
“Jude, please pull over. I can drive.” Your mom insists, tugging at your father’s arm, but he shoves her off. 
You unbuckle your seat belt and pull at your mom’s shirt, trying to get her attention.
“Mom.”
But your voice is cut off, muffled below the volume of the radio as your dad’s hand reaches for the dial turning it until your ears ring.
You shrink back into your seat, lower lip jutted as you look between the two of them. No longer able to understand what your parents are saying, the scene in front of you a mix of gestures and twisted faces making you more confused.
Your mother pulls on your dad’s arm again, and he shoves her off, turning his head to look at her. Mouth wide as he speaks, but you still can’t understand what he’s saying.
Everything else becomes a blur of lights and pain—endless pain shooting from your leg and throughout your body.
Your cries wrack your body but are silent to your own ears. The scene around you a mix of broken glass and lifeless eyes.
Then darkness.
-
You wake up in a cold sweat, wild gaze darting around the room as sit up in bed. The fabric of your tank top clings to your sweat-slicked skin uncomfortably, and your head pounds behind your eyes. A rhythm that matches the way your heart is beating against your ribcage. 
Bile rises in your throat, the nausea that always accompanies the nightmare.
The sting of your leg a reminder of the accident, of the pain from that day.
You press a palm into the skin of your thigh, massaging the muscle marred by a thick scar that’s a shade lighter than the rest of your flesh. It aches like it just happened, like you are ten years old and trapped in that car again. 
You groan uncomfortably and squeeze your eyes shut, trying to bring yourself back to the present. Trying to ground yourself with the distant sound of the coffee maker and the smell of burnt toast. The soft song of the birds outside of your window.
Slowly you become grounded, heart settling into a steady rhythm, and open your eyes.
Sunlight streams through your sheer curtains in brilliant rays, yellow hues creating a soft glow along your pale blue walls and highlighting the dust that dances through the air.
You throw your head back against the pillow, not ready to face the day. 
Images of the night before flooding your vision.
Simon and Rachel, her mouth pressed to his. The way she smiled up at him, held his hand.
The scene too familiar for a random drunken hook-up.
You press your palms into your eyes, rubbing until you see swirls. Until you are reminded of Eddie’s stunned face when you sat in his lap, hands pressed to his chest. The way he bucked into you.
The way he pushed you back into the passenger seat.
“Fucking idiot,” you groan with embarrassment and pull your pillow over your face, letting out a muffled scream.
You stay concealed under the pillow, contemplating jumping into the lake and disappearing altogether. Definitely not ready to face Simon and Rachel. Or Eddie.
You flail your body around as another wave of embarrassment rolls through you, causing your pillow to fall from your face.
The incessant buzz of your phone catches your attention, and you glance over at its illuminated face. The screen full of notifications that you can see without grabbing it.
Hesitantly you reach for it, eyes pouring over all the texts.
11:55PM
Simon: Guess you decided not to come tonight?
12:00AM
Simon: helloooo?
12:23AM
Simon: so you’re just going to ignore me now cos I asked you to go out?
Simon: not like we can’t do date night another time, wanted to go have some fun for once
1:03AM
Simon: so you did show up
Simon: you left with MUNSON?
2:30AM
Simon: you’re really just going to ignore me?
2:33AM
Rachel: (Y/N)?
Rachel: Simon is really worried about you
7:49AM
Simon: We need to talk
8:36AM
Rachel: Text me when you’re awake
You swallow the emotion that arose and wonder if their guilt had kept them awake, if it had eaten at them or settled into their chest. Felt whenever they breathed.
Were they even capable of that?
Slowly you push the sheets off the bed and force your legs over the edge one by one until your feet are planted firmly in the plush carpet, your back still pressed against the mattress. Phone forgotten, lost somewhere in your purple comforter.
You will yourself off the mattress and clamor out your bedroom door. Mind focused on getting a glass of water to cure your dry mouth.
The throb of your head returns as the smell of burnt toast grows stronger, and fuck, why did you drink so much last night?
You can only assume the assault on your nose is your brother’s fault.
“Is it really that hard to cook toast, Rick?” You complain loudly as you stumble into the kitchen and throw open a cabinet door, reaching for a glass on the top shelf.
You turn towards the sink, blissfully unaware that there is a set of eyes on you. Watching as you whistle and fill your glass to the brim. Foot tapping to a song that only you can hear.
Eddie watches you, a little petrified like a deer caught in the headlights.
He knew he’d see you, it was your house after all, but he wasn’t prepared for how much he’d see.
His eyes trace over your legs, stalling on the swell of your ass. He watches as you lean over the counter to get a better view of the lake from the window just above your sink. The angle exposing a glimpse of your butt cheeks.
It’s like you know what you’re doing, know that he’s watching and driving him just a little bit insane.
He swallows harshly, refocusing his attention back on his breakfast. Doing his best to ignore you like he’d planned.
“If it isn’t little miss sunshine,” your brother greets, his words dripping with their usual sarcasm.
You turn around to mock him but stopped in your tracks, eyes practically bulging from your skull when you notice Eddie, and you grip your cup harder.
Had he been sitting there the whole time?
He quietly nibbles on a piece of bacon. Avoiding your eye contact entirely.
The embarrassment you felt before flares awake, and god, you want to crawl into a hole and disappear entirely.
Blinking rapidly, you shift your gaze back to Rick.
He sits at the table, grabbing a plate and shoveling food onto its surface. Eggs, bacon, and the incredibly burnt toast.
“Have work today?”
“Like I do every Saturday,” you shrug, tone bored and doing your best not to glance at the metalhead out of the corner of your eye.
You sip your water, focusing on how its cool temperature slides across your tongue—trying to focus on anything else.
“I’m not going to be able to take you to work. Mrs. Wheeler needs me to take a look at her car and then I’m picking up some extra hours at the shop.”
You had yet to overcome your fear of driving, already having a hard time just being a passenger. 
“Can’t mom take me?” you question, but Rick’s head is already shaking as you get the words out.
“The transmission is acting up in her car. Need to look at it,” he states around a mouth full of food.
“Then how is she getting to work?” You set your cup onto the counter sharper than you intended and fold your arms over your chest.
“She’s not, has one of her headaches again,” he gestures to his head and shovels more food into his mouth.
“That’s why I need the overtime and for you to go to work, we need the cash. Next deal isn’t coming in before the light bill is due.”
Your shoulders sag—the constant stress of bills weighing heavy on you.
“I can just walk or get an uber,” you suggest with a tight smile, reaching over to grab a piece of bacon. 
The walk isn’t that long.
“Your uber is already here,” he points his head towards Eddie, and your eyes nearly bulge out of your head at his suggestion.
Not happening.
“I can just walk,” you reaffirm quickly, causing Eddie’s eyebrow to quirk.
“Why are you acting like such a brat?” 
You roll your eyes.
“I’m not, just don’t want to make Eddie go out of his way for me.” You unfold your arms and gestured absently towards him.
It was mostly true anyway, you didn’t like the idea of returning to the scene of the crime or spending the twenty minutes it would take for him to drive you to work in awkward silence.
“He’s not, stop being weird.”
“I’m not being weird,” you scoff, voice rising slightly and definitely being weird.
“Besides, I can just ask Simon to give me a ride,” you shrug nonchalantly, taking another bite of bacon. 
Rick doesn’t need to know that you aren’t talking to Simon and definitely wouldn’t be getting a ride from him.
Eddie’s elbow settles against the wooden dining table as he watches you and the way you so easily lie to your brother.
“Jesus, fine, whatever.” Your brother holds out a hand to get you to shut up and chugs his orange juice. 
You reach for another piece of bacon but this time off his plate. Rick grabs your hand, shaking the piece out of your grasp, and turns to you—his face twists in disgust when he notices what you’re wearing for the first time.
“Go put some clothes on before Eddie gauges his fucking eyes out.” He wipes his mouth and waves a dismissive hand at you, chuckling at his own lame joke before biting into the bacon that you tried to steal.
Eddie chuckles along with your brother, his pale cheeks blossoming pink. His faux laugh disappears when he notices you sneering in his direction.
“Oh, I’d really hate for him to do that,” your voice drips with sarcasm as you roll your eyes, taking quick steps back down the hall and to your room.
You press your back against the wooden door, a mix of anger and annoyance filling your chest. Overtaking any embarrassment you previously felt.
No, Simon wouldn’t be giving you a ride but neither would Eddie. You’d rather risk showing up a sweaty mess than sit in a car alone with him.
—————
What you didn’t plan on was for it to start raining ten minutes in. 
Large drops had fallen from the sky in quick succession, dark clouds covering the warmth of the sun and creating a chill in the fall air. One of Indiana’s infamous sporadic showers.
The maple leaves are already starting to turn yellow, their brightness a contrast against the gray sky. The air smells of the evergreens, the sharpness of their leaves mixing with the sweetness of the maple trees.
Your feet trudge through the mud, splashing dirt onto the cuffs of your jeans. The road feels longer in the bad weather.
The white of your assistant manager shirt clings to your skin, revealing the pink of your bra, and you cross your arms over your chest in an attempt to conceal it.
There’s a small part of you that wishes you had just taken the ride from Eddie, but there’s a bigger part, the more prideful one, that is glad you hadn’t.
Not after the way he’d laughed at you, chuckled at the thought of even being attracted to you. When you’d just mauled him the night before and this would be the perfect time for lightning to strike you down.
To end your misery, the embarrassment clinging to you once again like the fabric of your shirt.
In the distance, you can hear a car approaching, and you move further into the dirt to avoid being hit. 
Hoping it isn’t a creep or a new serial killer looking for his next victim.
But it’s worse.
It’s Eddie.
Smiling at you from his rolled-down window, van driving slowly on the road's edge.
“Are you that fucking stubborn?” He questions, although he already knows the answer.
“Go away, Munson.”
You don’t look at him, eyes focused on the road ahead.
“Simon a no-show, huh?”
You click your teeth, trying to appear nonchalant. Like the words didn’t dig at you.
“Looks like it.”
His shoulders drop as you continue to ignore him, and he decides to appeal to your sensible side instead.
“You’re going to get sick.”
“So?”
And why did he think you could be sensible?
He groans and speeds up a little, parking the car just before you to block your path. You stop in your tracks, listening as he climbs out of the driver’s seat and rounds the car.
“Are we really going to do this again?,” he questions as he trudges toward you. Boots slamming into the mud. Curls a little wild and starting to cling to his face when he looks at you.
“Do what?” You give him an innocent smile, eyelashes batting dramatically. 
Eddie closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
“Just get in the fucking car,” he states through gritted teeth, his annoyance only making your grin widen.
“Sure you wouldn’t rather gauge your eyes out?” Your voice drops low, mocking Rick’s tone. 
You drop your smile, gaze a little cold as it meets his, and push past him to continue your walk to work.
He throws his head back, face to the sky. Of course, you were pissed about that.
“I’m sorry, okay?” He turns to you, watching as you get a little further way from him.
“For driving me home last night and making out with me or for laughing at me this morning?” You turn around and begin to walk backward, arms lifting from your side. 
A little tired, a little defeated, and you stop beside his van waiting for his answer - concealed from the rest of the road.
“Laughing at you,” his voice is earnest, “I didn’t mean it.”
You nod, his words a salve to that wound but still, there was the mortifying way he’d pushed you away from him.
Eddie began to walk towards you, drawing closer. The scent of his cologne invading your senses.
“Sure you aren’t sorry about the making out part?” You question, eyes trained on his amber gaze as he approaches.
He swallows roughly and debates whether he should be honest. 
“I’m,” he pauses and sighs heavily, “I’m not sorry about that.”
You shrug your shoulders in an attempt to appear flippant, to seem as though his reassurance doesn’t affect you the way that it did. Heart hammering wildly, legs a little wobbly because Eddie Munson didn’t regret kissing you.
“Well that’s good, I’m glad neither of us regretted it,” you turn back around, missing the way his gaze lit up at your words. The reassurance that he needed.
“Now you can go on your merry way and pretend that you gave me a ride. I promise I won’t tell my brother that you didn’t.”
His hand is warm against your arm as he spins you around to look at him.
Your shoes slide against the wet earth from the force, and it is for a brief moment that you see him before you crash into the soft mud.
“Fuck-“ your curses are synchronized as you fall and pull him atop you, his weight causing you to groan from the sudden impact.
Eddie’s knee is slotted between your legs as he lifts his weight onto his forearms, brown gaze boring into your eyes. An apology on his lips when you begin to laugh. Giggles filling the air around you.
You looked at the evidence of your fall, your white shirt now painted brown. Ruined, and marred from the mud. Your hair is a mess of dirt that clings to your face.
Eddie is nearly devoid of any filth. The only evidence he’d fallen is the mud that soaks through the pants of his jeans. 
And it’s a little bit annoying how he isn’t as muddy as you.
Slowly you reach your finger up and slide it across his pale skin with a wide mischievous smile. Chuckling at the way his eyebrows marry at your actions, the way his jaw juts to this side and he shakes his head.
“You brat,” he lifts a hand and attempts to copy your actions as you try to wiggle away. His free hand stills you, holding you by the waist, as he drags the other across your cheek.
His playful smile mirrors yours.
“You jerk, I have to get to work!” But your tone doesn’t match the light in your eyes.
“I don’t think Huntzberger wants you hovering over the popcorn, let alone walking into the building, like this.”
His eyes roam your body, noticing the way your nipples are pebbled against the pink lace of your bra, easy to see through the sheer fabric of your shirt. The way your jeans hug the flare of your hips as you squirm beneath him.
Your breath hitches as you watch the way his gaze dances over your frame, chest rising and falling at a quick pace that isn’t lost on Eddie.
“How much time do you have before work?” His voice is a little gruff, affected, and it takes a moment for you to form a coherent thought.
You blink rapidly, hands resting on his chest absently, and clear your throat.
He lifts off of you and reaches a hand to help you up, but you pull him down into the mud beside you.
“You little shit!” Eddie looks at himself, the mud that clings to his jacket and jeans.
“Oops,” you shrug and lean out of his way as he throws mud at you.
“I have like two hours,” you laugh, looking at him completely amused.
“How long did you think it was going to take you to walk?” He lays there defeated, chuckle matching yours.
“I don’t know, it was just in case-“
“In case what? You had to fight a pack of wood rats to get through?”
“Shut up,” you shove his face from yours, mud caking his cheek.
Eddie gasps at the same time you do, realization dawning as he tackles you back into the mud.
It was like the whole world fell around you, ceasing to exist except for you and Eddie. His muddied face hovering above yours, long fingers digging into your sides as you try to wiggle away from him.
Your giggles fill the air, and you push at his chest.
“Stop! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Tears spring in your eyes as you push against his chest once more, dirt seeping further into your clothes as you lay there at his mercy.
“Say please,” he insists, and you shake your head, hands gripping his shirt.
For a moment, he stops, fingers stilling at your sides and he smiles at you mischievously. Face moving half an inch closer, and your smile falters briefly, gaze darting to his lips and back to his eyes. Their deep brown staring back at you, a light in them you hadn’t seen.
“You don’t regret it?” He questions, needing to hear it again. His breath fanning against your face.
You shake your head, already knowing the “it” that he thought you regretted. 
Eddie leans closer, his lips a whisper above your own. Shaky breaths mixing with yours.
Your heart skips as you anticipate the first touch, your eyes fluttering closed.
Eddie pulls away, slowly. Hesitantly.
“Think we should get you back home,” he looks down at your dirtied clothes and chuckles, face hovering above yours. You try to hide your disappointment as you nod in agreement.
He pushes himself off of you wiping his hands along his jeans before stretching out his hand to help you up.
Your palm slides against his, caked dirt pressing against his warm hand, and he pulls you against him. Sliding his hands down until they settle on your waist.
His nose traces yours as his fingers dig into your hips, and he swallows hard.
The composure he’d always managed to maintain quickly slipping away.
You tilt your face and run a hand against his jaw, cupping his chin. Thumb lazing against his stubbled flesh drawing circles in his skin.
“Fuck it,” Eddie breathes, and his lips push against yours.
The press of them makes you gasp, they’re just as soft as you remembered but more fervent than before.
His tongue presses at the seam of your lips, swiping against yours when you open for him.
He tastes sweet like spearmint, and you hum.
Exhilaration thrums through you, and you pull him closer, arms wrapping around his neck.
Chest to chest.
Hearts synchronized, each beating at a rapid pace, and you want the moment to stretch on.
For the kiss to never end.
Thunder cracks in the air and the two of you pull apart, looking up at the darkened sky just as the rain begins to fall again.
Eddie looks back at you, his dimpled grin wide as the first drop hits his cheek, and you yelp as another drop cascades down your face.
He presses a quick kiss to your lips, enjoying your surprised gasp. The way you instantly melt into his touch.
“Will you please get in the fucking car now?” 
You nod rapidly, your hand slipping into Eddie’s warm palm. Allowing him to pull you towards his van and into the passenger seat.
-
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winteriron-trash · 2 months
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rdj the (whitewashed) electric boogaloo
This is a reminder to everyone who's excited about RDJ's casting as Doctor Doom that this casting is whitewashing. Victor Von Doom is a Romani character and has been a Romani character since his introduction in the 1960s. (Fantastic Four Annual #2 [1964]) Not only that, but his Roma identity and the persecution he and his family faced due to it is integral to his character, it is what forms his identity. (Books of Doom by Ed Brubaker) Even if on the off chance this casting is meant to not be Victor but instead be some variant of Tony or whomever else becoming Doctor Doom, it is damaging to the character to rob him of that important cultural background. Doctor Doom does not exist without that history. Fans have been pushing hard to cast Doom as a Romani actor for years, especially since the MCU has whitewashed other Romani characters. (Wanda, Pietro, etc) This casting is not a celebration moment, it's fucking heartbreaking that the MCU repeatedly ignores the important and nuanced cultural backstories of characters.
I know I can't change anybody's mind on whether or not you want to be excited about RDJ's return to the MCU. But I do think at the very least you should be mad that the MCU is baiting us all and destroying nuanced and interesting characters for the sake of self-referential easter eggs and nostalgia bait. Because that's what it is. Feel how you'd like to feel about RDJ's return, but personally, this is soul-sucking. I had such a deep love for the MCU as a teenager, it was obviously something incredibly formative to me, especially Tony Stark. This isn't recreating what I fell in love with the MCU for. This is turning a well-planned and artistic storyline of adaptations into cheap cash grabs and fan service. Because, I think we're past the point of being able to call the MCU an adaptation of anything. They can use existing characters' names and powers, but to say they're being properly adapted is laughable.
This is not an adaptation of Doctor Doom. This is RDJ the Electric Boogaloo because Marvel's fear of losing the interest of dedicated MCU fans overrides their willingness to tell stories that are genuine to the characters. I don't know what there is to be excited about that. The MCU has lost its authenticity and aside from a few projects, feels heartless. Every movie is a copy of a copy. This announcement isn't something celebratory, it feels like a death knell of a cinematic universe that's so desperate to cling to relevancy it's resorting to nostalgia for a character/actor who hasn't even been dead for a decade. We're not getting anything new, we're just rinsing and repeating the same song and dance.
I get it. I love Tony Stark, his death destroyed me and I to this day, rue the ending he got in Endgame. It misunderstood his arc and it robbed him of a satisfying conclusion. But the solution to that isn't dragging the corpse out of the grave five years later to whitewash an existing character with rich and interesting nuance, just to forcibly tie his existence in the MCU to Tony. Whether he is a variant or not. Why would you want someone else's fave's legacy to be destroyed simply so your fave's legacy can go on? Hell, if we were really all so hellbent on the return of RDJ and/or Tony to the MCU, we have the multiverse for a reason. There were other ways to do it that didn't whitewash and ruin someone else. This just. Isn't something to be happy about.
#... we will not be addressing that i'm a dead blog#no one say a WORD about my inactivity for 4 years this isn't about that /lh#also if anyone tries to get smart about “romani isn't a race” i don't care and you can shut up.#it's an ethnic and cultural identity. and it should be portrayed correctly.#ESPECIALLY for a character like *victor von doom* of all people. like it is fundamental to him.#i would've included panels of the comics mentioned but most of them use the g-slur and i don't wish to encourage that here#like listen i don't think you need to be a comics fan to be an mcu fan. they're so divorced from each other atp#nor do i think the mcu owes complete comic accuracy. but i do think you should at *least* care when characters are whitewashed.#look. i really don't want this to be a debate on if rdj's return is good or not#i've been frankly baffled at how many old mutuals are excited but. whatever if you want him back i get it.#but it shouldn't be like this. not at the expense of a different character.#this whole thing made me realize i'm *far* more jaded and turned off to the mcu than most of you guys are.#which is fair you can still be an mcu fan. if it brings you joy i'm so happy for you#but how does this like. bring joy i don't get it.#this is soulless. it's uninspired. it's done purely for shock value.#i occasionally get asks to this blog about why i left and asking me to come back#and i get it. i *want* to come back.#but i don't *care* about the mcu anymore. this is not the franchise i fell in love with.#i don't recognize what once meant everything to me.#winteriron will always hold a special place in my heart (as will tony stark)#but like. i just don't have love for it. and it sucks that this bullshit from marvel actively kills the love i had.#this sours tony stark to me. i'm sorry but it does. because was it really worth this? is this what his legacy has become?#this does cheapen his legacy btw. like without question. it turns him into a cheap cameo reference. heart of the mcu my ass.#my fandom circles have *massively* changed#i'm now entirely surrounded by comics fans bc my primary fandom is dc comics. that's what i'm up to these days#and the difference was actually baffling to me. everyone i follow now is *pissed* about this. comics twitter is so mad.#and then i see ppl on here excited and i'm just genuinely surprised this is something you want. i don't get it.#i don't say that to be rude. i just don't get it. how is *this* actually something people *want*.#do i still care about marvel? eh.#i like winter soldier comics and i could give a comprehensive rec list. and i read some other characters i deeply enjoy.
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 years
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Drew WWX and LWJ after I finished my rewatch of The Untamed a few months ago. I have gotten marginally better. May this set a benchmark for what to expect from this blog.
June 2023 redraw, June 2024 redraw
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chocosvt · 3 months
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reminders of the passage of time moodeboard
#my blog is in his last year of middle school. he'll be off to high school next year (at least I think so..? 13 yrs old is usually 8th grade#at least from my experience. 9th graders are usually 14. 10th are 15. etc. etc. and then you're in 12th grade#and graduate high school usually 17yrs old.) ANYWAY.. wow he is so ancient..#maybe he's still in a preteeny early teen emo phase or something.. I hope he gets some black and white striped armwarmers and black eyeline#r for his birthday. Maybe an MP3 player of course. Though because I don't really like most alternative music and he is my son he's actually#not allowed to listen to metal or pop punk or emo rock whatever stuff. I open the mp3 player and pre-stock it with only#disco and funk and classical music. he can have a little chiptune or techno stuff as a treat (sometimes emo adjacent maybe more#scene. I think a lot of scene kids were into that more.. emo's weird eccentric brother))#Also he starts taking iron pills his 13th birthday because he's probably incredibly anemic just like me#so on and so forth and et cetera (I'm just being silly.. I am not pro-controlling your children down to whatmusic they#listen to or etc.etc. lol)#THOUGH I love that it's in january... january is one of my favorite months if not my favorite. yeeaaay#just such a nice cool month. I like that it's the start of the year mostly and that it's sometimes snowy here. Like where I live nov - dec#isnt really actually snowy?? You always associate those winter Months with snow but I think snow happens later on this coast#so it's more like Jan - March or even april sometimes. Though that may just be climate change lol.. But it's cool that Jan is winter AND#ACTUALLY snowy. plus the Beginning Of Year vibes and energy.. hrm... nice nice.. ANYWAY#AND this is not even my first tumblr blog. I had a different one before it I think..#evviilll to be on one website for so long lol.. Very thankful that most websites I used to use as a 10 year old or whatever#are now defunct. There's something weird about how humans are just creating endless streams of words and pictures and all of this stuff#and it just goes out into the void and stays there long after the person themselves has forgotten it. not even like 'oh no what if i said#something bad!!' but more just the general sense of.. people create so much more ideas than they can actually hold in their heads. nobody#remembers exactly word for word every post they've ever made or etc. It's like parts of yourself that you've externalized and then fade awa#from you but they're still you but they're not so you just have little snapshots of yourself in time floating around entirely unbenknownst#to you. like making clones of yourself and then forgetting you did so but every once in a while going 'shit... there's clones out there..#of me and I don't even have track or awareness of them anymore.. what an odd concept..' etc. not EXACTLY like that ghbj..you know what I me#n.. or maybe you dont.. hrmm... ANYWAY#I am just now slightly recovering from my most recent mysterious illness spell and etc. so I would like to post more again and mAYBE even#do a costume if I'm being ambitious.. but after so many times of being randomly stricken by problems I'm now fearful of ever being too#hopeful lol.. always like 'I would like to go to the grocery store tomorrow! .... MAYBE.. if i CAN.. possibly... NOT getting my hopes up'.#etc. etc. etc. every statement has a caveat and a backup plan and so on and so forth and such is life.. anyway. happy birthday evil tumblr
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flowercrowngods · 11 months
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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fisheito · 3 months
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If you ever feel insecure about your yapping just know that I binged your entire account for the past few hours and I was hooked. Like your account to me is what cocomelon is to toddlers you have no idea how happy you make my overly stressed student heart 😔❤ (Anon because I have anxiety (for now))
??!?!? i have enough stuff on here to entertain you for HOURS??
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....huh. guess i've amassed quite a hoard. porntime surely does fly....swim.move fast
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averlym · 1 year
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#i have little to no rationale for this but this is an art blog after all so here is a random little something i did on break#wanted to do smth more illustrate-y for once and render. i missed painting and. faces are always fun to paint so i just started shading and#tadaa? out of the dreamscape indeed and inspired quite heavily by anastasia#<blinks?> i'm!! not sure!!! what i'll be posting from now on!!! welcome back to the avvy-has-a-crisis-over-blog-content //#ending-with-the-resolution-to-post-whatever // and then feeling like since people are following for six ... should. post that instead. //#i saw somewhere in a ted talk of smth that be yourself and your people will find you. i feel like that applied here when i was fifteen and#now oops im a different person. what do i do with the remnants of my past self i've kept. she's in there somewhere but no longer here.#so i guess. revamp. post whatever current me wants and ignore any and all stats.#last time i went on (what i thought was permanent hiatus) i think i was trying to end on a high note. this is now a ??ship of theseus thing#perhaps. whatever!!! <stops thinking of myself as a content creator and more of a silly little blog> wow this is so chill#the true goal of this all is just to get better at art. and have it be shareable. that part is bonus.#on another note i have picked up crochet! started another side acc! began the ridiculous flood of exam season. read two whole books#and listened to a bunch of songs i either discovered or rediscovered. kept cooking experiments in the kitchen. hashtag lifeupdates i suppos#it's getting better. im usually dehydrated and stress is forever there but i've come to like my life enough to cope with it?? hooray#i think. me-who-started-this-blog would be terribly proud of how we've grown. it's a comforting thought#also i can paint actually! hehe
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bunnihearted · 5 months
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📓🐰🖊️💭
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kitteneddiediaz · 4 months
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#I am having such a bad day#like the fucking worst#and the stars aligned for me to have no one to really talk to about it#my parents are at a concert (jealous)#I don’t want to talk to my brother bc he’s the main reason I’m upset#my bff is in south central working and doesn’t have cell service#my other bff is across the us and is already asleep#two of my close friends here are over seas or on a cruise without cell service#my other friend here is out with his guy friends having fun and I’m not gonna stop him#get ready for a self-pity moment here#I know my blog is pretty new#that I’ve been here for… maybe a year?#tbh I can’t remember when I stopped lurking and started engaging#but I always feel like I’m outside looking in at all my mutuals#who dm each other and talk and are friends#and I often feel just like a mutual and not a tumblr friend#and I know that shit takes time#but I just want someone to talk to about my fics and stuff but I feel bad reaching out#bc why would anyone want to talk to me when they have other people in this fandom they like more#man the demons are really getting me today#even my cat bit me#she’s snuggling me now but she bit me earlier#ugh#I don’t think the never ending overcast 40 degree weather is helping either I wish it were warm and sunny#just one day for the love of god#anyway#if you’ve read this far thanks for listening#I’ll probably feel better tomorrow or maybe later in the week#honestly thank god I rebound so fast and generally have a happy disposition
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iero · 9 months
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I can't lie to y'all: I have not listened to a Frank album in full in years.
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ughscara · 10 months
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you know, my deadass be like "oh yeah i'm just going to be proofreading my wanderer kuni fic, post said fic then start writing chapter two for my kabuki series tomorrow" then suddenly have the urge of writing ( or making a series ) about reader and kuni who are involved in the classical music scene and, you guessed it, are rivals who must work together.
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blakbonnet · 10 months
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