#my months of binging has finally come to an end

[scvrgrl]

i officially caught up with one piece today not really sure what to do with myself

[tsxkkis]

# tsukishima kei - perfect match

a/n: watch me suddenly appear out of nowhere after the school year has finally ended to post something!! i'm sure absolutely no one is surprised that tsukishima is the centre of this fic, but tbh idk how to feel about it (it's definitely longer than my usual ones but i didn't proofread it, so idk if the lenght is an advantage or not) but i hope you'll like it ^^ with school being over for the next two months i'll finally have time to write, so expect more works soon!!

summary: you and tsukishima decide to help your friends get together, but the plan is long forgotten when you realize what your own feelings are.

warnings: nothing really, canon yamayachi (my loves), some light swearing, bad writing

tsukishima kei did not expect any of his friends to bother him in the middle of the night. hell, he didn't even expect any of them to disturb his alone time at all. and yet at exactly 2.34 in the morning, right as he was about to turn off his currently binge watched tv show and go to sleep, he felt his phone buzzing on the nightstand. 

his eyes focused on your name, written in white font on his phone screen, surely shocked by the sight.

'why are you calling me at 2 in the goddamn morni-'

'is yamaguchi interested in anyone?'

your question caught him off-guard even more than the call itself, his brows furrowing in a weirded-out look. 

'if you're asking for yourself, i'm positive that he is not interested.' 

tsukishima heard a sigh of annoyance on the other side of the call and could only imagine the exact look on your face in this very moment. 

'well, thank god, because i'm not asking for myself.' you said. there were muffled sounds of someone preparing food in the background. 'i'm asking for yachi.'

the blonde boy smiled unconsciously.

'he does like her.' the boy stated, turning off his laptop as he put it back on the desk. 'so much so, in fact, that it can be kind of annoying sometimes.'

you squealed with excitement, a giggle leaving your mouth at tsukishima's remark. 

'perfect! now, listen carefully.'

that singular phone call created an alliance between you and kei. an alliance with only one goal; getting your two best friends to finally confess to each other. to both of you, it was almost infuriating how blind they were; how they didn't notice just how obvious it was that they both shared the same feeling. constant blushing at as little as a mention of the other's name, the stolen glances, the very obvious pining - all of it seemed to be non-existent in the eyes of both yamaguchi and yachi.

but lucky for them, you had a plan.

his eyes lingered on you for a few seconds, as if awaiting a sign from you. tsukishima still thought of your 'master plan' as rather silly, but seeing the determination on your face, and the frown that appeared when he called your idea stupid was enough for him to sigh and go with it this once.

the four of you were currently occupied with studying for a math test coming up next week, everyone nose deep in their notebooks. well, everyone except for kei.

the boy cleared his throat almost theatrically, drawing the attention of the three of you.

'yamaguchi, i think i'll have to pass on the movies this weekend.' he said, the tone of his voice as lifeless as ever. 'akiteru insisted that i go to one of his games, so i guess you'll have to take someone else.'

the freckled boy looked a little troubled upon hearing the information. both you and tsukishima were well aware that the tickets to the cinema were already paid for; yamaguchi would definitely be sad if it all went to waste. 

'well, i guess i can ask hina-'

'yachi, didn't you tell me last week that you wanted to go to the movies with someone?' you barged in before the boy could even finish his sentence, your friend freezing in her spot at the mention of a conversation you had not that long ago, cheeks flushed pink at the mere thought of going somewhere with yamaguchi one-on-one. 'maybe you'd fill in for tsukki?' 

the girl glanced at you, panic in her eyes as an awkward silence filled the room, everyone waiting for her to answer. you gave her an encouraging smile, as if trying to non-verbally tell her to go for it, to use this as a chance to get closer to the boy she liked for so long. 

'if yamaguchi doesn't mind...' she mumbled quietly, head turning to face the boy who was already shaking his head. 

'of course i don't.' yamaguchi smiled, his small dimples showing up in the process. 

you glanced over to look at tsukishima, a triumphant smile on your face as if you just won a volleyball tournament. his hair was slightly messy, and his glasses were sliding off his nose, two of the top buttons on his school uniform unbuttoned, showing a bit of his collarbones. surprisingly enough, the blonde boy smiled back; a small, quick smile that your eyes barely noticed. you had no idea what it was, but something about that singular smile made your heart beat faster. 

don't. the main focus of this entire thing is to get yachi and yamaguchi together. not to think of tsukishima and how attractive he looks- 

shit.

developing a crush on tsukishima kei was certainly not part of your plan. 

at first, you tried ignoring it as much as you could, focusing solely on your friends and getting them to date. as time went on and yamaguchi and yachi started getting closer, you almost felt a sense of relief - you could finally stop spending so much time around tsukishima, which made your chances of getting over your stupid crush higher. 

but it wasn't as easy as you thought. tsukishima was intelligent, pretty, and his snarky remarks and judgy personality actually drew you to him even more with each passing day. through the countless conversations and numerous phone calls, he proved himself to be more than just a salty, mean guy that everyone viewed him as.

'soon enough, they won't even need our help.' you mumbled to yourself as you opened your bento box, a smile on your face as you noticed your mom homemade onigiri inside. 'i don't know what i'll do with myself then.'

tsukishima scoffed, closing the textbook in front of him.

'maybe start focusing on your own love life for once.'

'hey! it's not my fault that i'm a good friend.' you stated, mouth full of food, as you looked up at your friend sitting on the opposite side of the table, looking through the tasks assigned for next week. 'besides, it's not like i'm the only one.'

tsukishima adjusted his glasses, looking up at you for a mere second before focusing back on his notebook.

'touché.'

'oh, come on.' you whined out, dissatisfied with the lack of response from the blonde boy. 'you won't miss this even a little bit?'

alright, maybe just a bit-

'no.' tsukishima stated firmly, fixing his posture as he highlighted one of the important sentences written down. you heard a bit of hesitation in his voice, and the few seconds of silence before hearing an answer couldn't help but make you wonder. you decided to ignore it this time - he was focused on something else right now, there was no need to disturb him. 

'do you think yachi will like my outfit?'

tsukishima was sitting at the edge of his best friend's bed, mindlessly scrolling through his phone and occasionally looking up to see the twelfth - no, thirteenth shirt that yamaguchi has tried on already. the boy sighed, turning his device off. 

'it's your first official date, i'm sure she doesn't mind what you wear.' he stated, gaining a frown from yamaguchi.

'you didn't answer my question.'

'alright, i think she'll like it.' the blonde haired boy said, reaching out for a bag of chips, opening it with a loud sound. 'but i'm sure she'll focus more on the date itself rather than what you're wearing.'

ever since announcing to their friends that they're going on their first official date, both yamaguchi and yachi were full of stress, constantly overthinking every little detail from their outfit to whether or not the date will go well or not. tsukishima found it rather comical - it was only a date after all. why stress over it so much? he never went on one, obviously, but he always thought that when the day came, he'd approach it calmly.

'do you have any tips on how to not freak out?' yamaguchi asked suddenly, catching his friend off-guard. 'during the date, i mean.'

'how can i know? i've never gone on one.'

the freckled boy looked at tsukishima, a confused expression on his face as he processed his words.

'oh.' he paused for a second, his voice quieter when he continued speaking. 'i thought you and y/n were, you know, a thing.'

huh?

to say tsukishima was shocked was an understatement. he genuinely had no idea what to say; he never even let a thought of you and him being more than friends, 'partners in crime', as you loved to say, slip through his mind. never did it occur to him that someone from the outside would see your relationship as being something more than a merely platonic one. 

well, maybe there was something to it after all. 

yamaguchi's words made him wonder - although he did find you annoying at times, it was only occasionally and to a very little degree. that in itself was very rare in tsukishima's eyes, as he found most of the people surrounding him at least normally annoying. you, on the other hand, were a completely different case. your jokes, no matter how awkward or downright cringe, made him crack a silent laugh more often than not, and every time he saw you smile, his lips uncontrollably curved up into a small, barely noticeable one themselves. 

'oh, no, absolutely not.' the blonde blurted out after a long minute of silence, the tips of his ears turning a bright shade of red. 'there is not a single bone in my body that would want to date her. now get up idiot, or you'll be late to your date.'

the moment tsukishima opened his bedroom, after walking his friend to the bus stop, he immediately plopped down on his bed, phone in hand, instinctively opening messages to write to you. surprisingly enough, a message was already waiting for him.

'yachi almost cried because of how stressed she is T-T'

'do you think we should spy on them to make sure it all goes well?'

he found himself smiling at the words on his phone screen, quickly typing back an answer. 

'do you really not have a life of your own?'

'idiot.'

only after a few minutes did he get a response from you.

'can i come over?? i'm bored :33'

a harmless message, one might think. in reality, tsukishima was freaking out at the mere thought of hanging out with you for a reason other than setting up your friends, his cheeks a light shade of pink as his eyes kept digging a hole through his phone. 

you weren't any better than him - hands slightly shaky as you awaited a response for what felt like hours, but was actually just a few minutes. you had no idea what took over you; was it a sudden wave of bravery or rather an idiotic spontaneous choice to ask tsukishima that. but nonetheless, when you finally got the response, you felt ecstatic.

'alright.'

'bring some snacks.'

'kei, i think yamaguchi is he- oh, that's certainly a new face.'

you stood in front of the door with an awkward smile, facing tsukishima's older brother, akiteru, his eyes scanning you from head to toe. to say he was surprised was an understatement - he looked as if he'd seen a ghost. as if a friend that's not yamaguchi coming over to tsukishima's house was so out of the ordinary that it could become a national holiday. 

'come in.' the younger male appeared in the back of the hall, an oversized dinosaur shirt and shorts on. his expression was softer than usual; not until he looked at his brother, whom he gave a sharp stare, signaling him to let you inside and don't make such a fuss about it. 

you sat down on his bed, awkward silence filling up the room. not wanting to make the conversation about your friends as per usual, you slowly realized you don't know what to talk about, trying to think of something, anything, as you began unpacking your bag filled with snacks. 

surprisingly enough, it was tsukishima who spoke up first. 

'wanna watch a movie?' he asked, opening his drawer to pull out two bottles of soda, hidden there so that his brother doesn't devour all of them. 'unless it'll make you even more bored than you were before.'

'well, if you have a boring taste in movies-' 

'says the one who looks like their favorite movie is mamma mia.' tsukishima scoffed under his breath, turning his laptop on and starting to search up movies. you looked at him, a dramatic expression as you pretended to be offended. 

'and you look like you're about to mansplain the godfather to me.' 

a short silence filled the room before you heard the blonde boy let out a short, muffled laugh at your comment. 

'you couldn't be more wrong.' he sat down next to you, a small smile still on his face. 'i found it kind of boring, actually.'

'what do you like, then?'

'horror movies.' tsukishima stated, eyes focused on the screen. 'but tadashi gets easily scared, so i often don't have a chance to watch them.'

'same with me and yachi.' you said, unconsciously scooping a bit closer to the boy as you tried to get a better look at what he was searching up. 'i love them, but yachi jumps at every small scare on the screen. sometimes, she even gets scared when there's nothing happening at all.'

'they really do match each other.' he mumbled, putting the laptop on the bed as he pressed play on a movie he chose. his eyes quickly glanced your way to get a nod of approval on his choice.

'yeah, they do.'

and we could, too.

'are you and tsukishima dating?'

you almost spat out your drink, the words coming out of hinata's mouth catching you so off-guard you were close to choking. 

the three of you, along with kageyama, were currently cleaning up after volleyball practice, the boys racing on who would clean more balls off of the floor.

'no, we're not.' you said in a clearly sad tone with an obvious hint of dissatisfaction in your voice. 'what the hell made you think that way?'

the orange haired boy stopped in his tracks, his signature smile disappearing for a minute as he got lost in his own thoughts. 

'oh! i remember now.' he said after a short while, his grin coming back. 'yamaguchi told me that you two are close.'

'he did also mention that he seems happier around you.' kageyama added, joining the conversation. 'seeing tsukishima happy must be pretty scary.'

not really, you thought. but at the same time, what confused you more was what kageyama said right before. 

he seems happier around you.

yamaguchi has been kei's friend for the longest time, so any of his observations must be true, or at least that's what you liked to believe. but would that mean that tsukishima kei, the salty, closed-off guy whom everyone finds intimidating could possibly like you? was there truly a possibility that he enjoyed spending time with you? 

as you finished cleaning up the hall, saying your goodbyes to your two friends who ran off to practice volleyball somewhere else, a familiar, tall figure appeared in the doorframe, sharp eyes staring at you with an expression that you couldn't exactly decipher. 

'want me to walk you home?' he asked, hands in his pockets. 'it's getting late.'

you looked at him, trying to hide the blush creeping up onto your cheeks before quickly nodding as an answer.

'sure, let's go.'

most of the walk was filled with silence on both parts, exactly as you expected. even though it might've felt awkward for some, you did enjoy his presence in itself enough that a conversation wasn't necessary. 

the boy stopped in his tracks mid-way, reaching into his backpack and pulling out his phone and an old pair of white, wired earphones, showing them to you as a silent question of whether you wanted to listen to music with him or not. you agreed without a second thought, a small smile on your face as he put on one of his playlists. 

'i really like this song.' you mumbled, eyes lighting up upon hearing the familiar melody. with both of you wearing the same set of headphones right now, you were practically forced to walk closer to each other - hands constantly brushing against one another, a faint blush on your face as you tried to ignore it and focus on the music. 

tsukishima, on the other hand, couldn't shake away the thoughts roaming around his head. he felt as if what he was doing now was incredibly unlike him; and maybe it was. but for some reason, he didn't mind being like this around you. less cocky, sarcastic, mean and more... gentle.

he could feel his fingers brushing against yours from time to time, and it drove him crazy. should he go for it and play it off nonchalantly, or just ignore it? should he even make the first move or wait for you to do it?

before he was able to decide, tsukishima felt your hand reaching for his, heart rate immediately speeding up as your fingers shyly intertwined with his, looking the other way to hide your anxious expression.

his hand was much bigger than yours, but somehow it fit perfectly with yours. as if they were created solely to hold one another and nothing else. the plan to get your friends to be together was long forgotten by now - your mind was clouded with thoughts of tsukishima only, and little did you know that his wasn't any different. 

you glanced his way only to find his eyes already on you, hiding his true feelings behind a nonchalant look. only now did you notice that the two of you were standing in front of your house, the boy adjusting his glasses as he waited to see what you'll do next. 

'i guess i should go home now.' you mumbled, but you still didn't move an inch, hand not leaving his. 'see you tomorrow?'

his hand squeezed yours tightly before taking it away, an unusually warm and welcoming smile on his face. 

'sure. see you tomorrow, idiot.'

but as you slowly made your way towards the door, tsukishima couldn't shake away the feeling in him, telling him to go for it. and as much as he tried to resist it, he just couldn't anymore. 

'wait.’

before you could fully turn away, tsukishima kei's lips were already on yours, a sweet, long kiss that felt as if he was waiting to do it for years. his hand traveled to your waist and it didn't take long for you to react; lips moving swiftly with his, noses bumping into one another before you pulled away, a giggle escaping your mouth as you saw just how red tsukishima's face was.

‘don't laugh at me, moron.’ he said, immediately catching the reason for your laughter as he flicked you in the forehead. ‘your whole face is red, too.’

‘i didn't expect you to do this.’ you mumbled, eyes focused on his as you reached to hold his hand again. ‘didn't expect my feelings to be mutual, either.’

‘i'm glad we feel the same.’ his face leaned in closer to yours, a wave of confidence taking over him as he placed a short kiss on your forehead. ‘but i would still prefer to properly ask you out. if you'd say yes, that is.’ 

‘of course i would.’ you smiled, ‘i'd be stupid not to.’

‘should we bet on how long it takes the others to realize we're dating now?’ tsukishima smiled at you, eyes not leaving yours for even a spare second. you laughed at his idea, giving his hand a squeeze. 

‘get ready to lose, kei.’

‘you wish.’

taglist: @moonswolfie

[whousestypewriters]

──── ୨ৎ IM A FAN — GRAYSON HAWTHORNE + READER ‧₊˚

a/n: hi lovelies! look its my first smau/fic (on this acc) and since i love making them here we are :))) hope you enjoy <3 sorry if this is too long btw. i need a grayson guys... maybe a possible series?!?!

grayson hawthorne was bored okay? he was bored, and for a man like him to be bored literally nothing must be happening. so how i hear you ask did he end up on the youtube page of a very popular booktuber? he blames xander, for watching her on the tv curled up with max earlier today. something about you.. intrigued him.

he stared at the account for the longest time before finally, finally clicking on your latest video about your fall tbr. and once he heard your voice it was like he was in a trance. the calmness of the video, your narration and the way you spoke to the viewers made him feel as if he was sitting there next to you on your bed.

he never watched this type of thing. he never really watched stuff at all. but suddenly here he was binge watching every single one of your videos. it was as if he had no control over himself and he just wanted to continue to watch them for the rest of the day.

by the time he had realised how late it was, it was dark out and the time read 6:43am. it must've been the delusion that made him type out the comment, or the fact that he hadn't actually slept yet. but either way he made a comment and that, that was the beginning of the start of everything.

────

you screamed. you actually screamed when you saw the comment on you post. grayson hawthorne??? the grayson hawthorne had watched your video? holy mother of-

the hawthorne's were notorious, all of them were, but grayson, he had the largest fanbase. the most obsessive one. the one with the girls that go crazy over anything and everything about him. its insane to think that he had commented on your video.

you thought it might've been just a once off. y'know he was just scrolling on youtube - yeah right thats not believable at all - and he happened to stumble across your video?

or maybe it was xander, he's followed you for a while actually, occasionally commenting and flirting with max in the comments. maybe he put grayson up to it. a once off.

so grayson commenting on your video really meant nothing - lies it meant everything - nothing, it meant nothing. who even cares? you definitely don't.

────

yn.books

liked by alya.green, maxine.liu.loo graysonhawthorne and 346, 282 others

yn.books what are you reading right now? (psst the book of the month is divine rivals by rebecca ross!)

view all comments

user1 the book queen posted!!!

user2 i bought divine rivals yesterday can't wait until my copy comes!!

user3 i died when i read the end 😭 roman and iris my babies

user4 OH OH OH GRAYSON HAWTHORNE IN THE LIKES??????

user5 RIGHT AND AFTER HE COMMENTED ON HER VIDEO A FEW WEEKS AGO

graysonhawthorne would you recommend divine rivals?

yn.books yes 100% its such a lovely read i definitely recommend you read it!

user6 GRAYSON??????????? GRAYSON??????

user7 GRAYSON HAWTHORNE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?????

────

"you bitch!" your best friend's voice fills your apartment as she rushes inside and stops dead in the living room. "why am i only now just finding out that grayson hawthorne comment on your posts?"

the murderous look on her face has you siting up quickly putting your book down on the couch. "...because i didn't tell you?"

"its the grayson hawthorne. i cannot believe that grayson hawthorne is commenting on your posts!" alya's harsh look turns gleeful as she rushes towards you and jumps on the couch - careful not to land on your book - and sidle up next to you to gossip.

"so why do we think he's interested in you all of a sudden?"

"he's not interested in me, alys."

"nope, he commented on your insta and your youtube, you're one step away from a marriage proposal now- hey, what type of wedding do you want?"

"we don't know, it could be xander's doing or even max's."

"nope you're gonna have kids together i can feel it."

"alya green-"

"OH MY GOD!!!!" she screeches jumping up and down. "OH MY GOD!!"

"WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?" you shriek back.

"LOOK!" she's grins shoving her phone into your hand

────

graysonhawthorne

liked by thehawthorneheiress, thexanderhawthorne ticking.time.bomb and 3, 622, 484 others

graysonhawthorne 🏛 💭 📖

view all comments

user1 OOHHHHHHHHHHH

user2 im giggling so hard rn i love this man

ticking.time.bomb why the sudden interest in reading gray?? 🤨 i saw the divine rivals copy in your bag

thexanderhawthorne THIS IS WHY HE HAD THAT BOOK?? gray are you trying to steal my book girl?

maxine.liu.loo excuse me she's my book girlie. not yours i just let you borrow her

user3 oh he's obsessed

user4 wish that was me fr

user5 i want himmmm

user6 the book girlies and the grayson girlies really won today

────

"grayson hawthorne," the sound of jameson's voice was never welcome in grayson's bedroom and clearly by the tone of his voice; this wasn't going to be good.

"when were you going to tell me that you picked up a fictional book? he paused. "even more so, when were you going to tell me that you got said fictional book from a 'book queen' of youtube."

grayson paused his reading and put down his copy of divine rivals, to look at a smirking jameson at his doorway.

"leave, jameson."

"okay gray, but let me know how your book goes, i hear it has a really shocking ending," jamie smiles and slowly walks away, calling out to xander to talk about books.

okay maybe his actions were a little out of character, but he wanted to understand what you were going to say in the next video. he wanted to be in the loop, to undertand what you were talking about.

he wanted to have something to talk to you about.

𐔌 . ⋮ ��️ tags .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱

@arqbella, @midiosaamor, @maybxlle @reminiscentreader, @ecliphttlunar,

@tornqdowarnings, @catapparently, @zenikswaffleshop, @off-to-th-r4aces, @emila07

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently Watching - November

aka The Masterlist

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 27.11.2024

A little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

gif-requests are open, but you'll need to have some patience🌼

Here you can find all of my gifs.

At the end you can have a look at what we can expect in November with a MDL link and a link for a trailer (if avaible).

This is guaranteed to contain spoilers!

1. Blue Canvas of Youthful Days 🇨🇳 (10/12)

@bengiyo made me watch it. I wanted to wait until I could binge it, but he made me curious and now I am heartbroken and anxious! And in love with it. Well, at least the main story. The side couple didn't grew on me. There is a little bit too much obsession between them and I can't get a right feeling for them. They are a little bit off for me. But the main story? Oh so good! So much melancholy and pain and young, shakespearean love! So much trauma on both sides. I hate Qi Lu's father with all my heart. I hope someone will hurt him. And I hope Qi Lu can get away from him. But this is a chinese production. I don't know what to hope for in the final? A happy ending? Would that be too much too ask? Both of them happy, but separated? Well, that could work for me. A sad ending? Possible. I would be devastated. Thank you Ben for making me start it!

2. Love In The Air: Koi no Yokan 🇯🇵 (4/10)

As expected like the OG I don't like that one that much... The only reason I still watch this one is because of Nagumo Shoma. Guess this will be dropped next week... And instead I just watch Kiss x Kiss x Kiss: Love ii Shower...

3. Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu 🇯🇵 (4/11)

Those two are the bluest boys out there right now. They long for each other, and it is coming to the surface, slowly but steady. And sure Hirukawa, you're not going to fall in love with him. Who do you want to fool? You are already in love! I really like this series so much and I know I am not ready for the heartbreak.

4. The Heart Killers 🇹🇭 (2/12)

This whole scene? Gorgeous! Perfect! Incredible! Hot! Wow! The rest of the show? Meh... I enjoy the StyleFadel dynamic, but the rest of the show? Not so much, for now. Perhaps it will get interesting in the future, right now it is kinda boring.

5. Word of Honor 🇨🇳 (20/36)

Perhaps November will be the month I finally keep watching this series. Who knows.

6. Your Sky 🇹🇭 (2/12)

I am in love with them! Is this a bit cringe? Sure. Is the story flat and kinda predictable? Also yes. Do I get butterflies in my stomach whenever they look at each other? Yes, yes, yes! It is so obvious that Fah already likes Teerak. He is so smitten and happy that they can play couple. I can't wait for the feelings to grow on both sides and for them to become real boyfriends and not just fake ones. I guess there will be some heartbreak, because to fill 12 episodes with fake boyfriends is a bit too much. But oh, this series feels so good! I am enchanted!

Finished in November

Series

Let Free The Curse Of Taekwondo 🇰🇷

This series broke my heart, healed it only to break it again. I am very happy we got this domestic, happy ending. It has such a hopeful touch in it. Not everything is damned, just because you took a wrong path in the past. There is always hope for you to find love, to change the path, to get to a state of happiness you dreamed of as a kid. Trauma and abuse shape our lifes, but it doesn't have to dictate it. Tough topic that hits hard. A really good series with a great story and good acting. A good 9 out of 10 for me.

Every You, Every Me 🇹🇭

I was so in love with the first episodes. The concept of a series consisting of multiple episodes showing soulmates falling in love with each other over and over again was all I ever wanted and dreamed of. And then came the two last episodes and we got robbed of this sweet illusion and everything was just fake and acting. It took the magic away. It took the romance away, especially because I couldn't understand the conflict between Inn and Pun. And the time jumps were wild and confusing. I really wish they just have made two episodes more of them being soulmates in love. For episodes 1-8 I give this one a 10 out of 10, but because of the last episodes I can only give an 8 out of 10.

The Nipple Talk 🇹🇼

Oh man, this was so good. We have a small group of friends, a lesbian who likes changing sex-partners and doesn't believe in relationships, a sex-positive straight woman, who likes to have a relationship, but didn't meet the right person so far and has sex with as much men she wants on the way and our gay man, who believes in love and monogamy and who is now on the search for exactly that after the break up with his long term partner. This series was surprisingly good, very sex positive and everyone's guru MAMA has not just an interesting story in stock, but is our mirror and the voice in the back to not judge other people's lifestyles, just because it is not to your liking. It is a mature queer series, no bl. And in the end people can change, love can happen when you least expect it and you are continuously learning and growing. I am happy Leslie finally saw Jie for the perfect partner he would be. HIV was discussed and became an important part in the last part of the story and I love how Leslie understood that this is not a reason to not date a man, especially when you have planned your whole life together already. It is something you can live and love with. But it was great to see him learning, because this can be difficult in the beginning. This series is really just so good! A clear 10 out of 10 for me.

Kidnap 🇹🇭

Okay. This might sound a little bit harsh, but overall I think this was not the best series. It was boring and misleading. Yes, it did not meet my expectations. I thought about some more action and drama. Yes, Ohm and Leng were cute together. Yes, Leng is a rookie, but he did a good job. Yes, Ohm has incredible pretty puppy-eyes. And yet it was not to my liking. What I liked was the fact, that trauma was not healed with love, but got better with a therapist. What I liked was the relationship between Ming and his brother and later between Q and Mhen. It had enough good parts to keep me watching. But overall it was just a 6 out of 10.

Heartstopper Season 3 🇬🇧

I finally watched it! I looooove the comics and I loved the first season. And then there was season two and three and I couldn't bring myself to watch it, because then it would be over and Charlie and Nick would be back in their world and I must let them go again. But it was worth the heartbreak. Nick is the greenest flag on fictional earth and watching them growing together and taking next steps with each other and standing side by side through rough times, really let me believe in love for a short moment. They are perfect and I love this universe! Totally 10 out of 10.

Jack & Joker: U steal my heart! 🇹🇭

Was this series perfect? Nope. Do I care? Also nope. I just have a very soft spot for YinWar. I can't help it. Yes, the plot was kinda weak in the end. The idea of the ring of power was ridiculous, the resolution was just as ridiculous. But still, do I care? Nope, really not. I just love YinWar. They could remake Dinosaur Love and they would get a 10/10 from me. Perhaps one day I can rate this one with a clear mind, but until then this will be a 10 out of 10 for me, and if it is just because of YinWar's chemistry and onscreen kisses and stares and just every fucking interaction.

Movie

Short Film

Dropped in November

Bad Guy My Boss 🇹🇭 (8/12)

I can't deal with this anymore. I have no clue what is going on anymore. And the relationship between Elyes and Pat is so annoying. I have no wish to continue this show anymore. So I dropped it, finally. And made room for something else...

Looking forward to in November

The Nipple Talk - Trailer (Nov 1st)

Bad to bed (Nov 2nd)

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan - Trailer (Nov 3rd)

Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu (Nov 5th)

Episode 9. Nineteen, Eighteen / Love for Love's Sake special episode (Nov 9th)

Caged Again - Trailer (Nov 15th)

Your Sky - Trailer (Nov 17th)

The Heart Killers - Trailer (Nov 20th)

Petrichor - Trailer (Nov 27th)

[injvns]

nerf this! - a lee haechan smau

── profiles 1 - the mane six

yn ln has been fighting and clawing to get verified for about 3 months now. streamer mainly, works at a thrift store with jisung part time. while she isn't cursing elon, you can find her streaming games with her friends (mostly overwatch), binging my little pony, or scamming 8 years on adopt me with jisung, but that one stays between them.

ryujin would be the token gay friend if they weren't all a little (lot) gay. agent 1 of yn's secret service + roomate #1. she's been bombarding elon with emails alongside yn and will not stop until they win the war. ryujin's streams usually consist of her shitting on incels in cod, but every once and a while you can find her playing overwatch with yn after a long day. (she's a widowmaker main)

one might be wondering how baddie zhang hao ended up being friends with these unfortunately hot losers, he doesn't know either. agent 2 of yn's secret service + roommate #2. hao's an amazing person, not even to mention amazing friend, but yn is not ashamed to admit even if he sucked she would keep him around just because of how much pr he receives. he's also the only friend that will still watch rewatch mlp with her for the 87th time.

despite not living with her, yangyang is yn's first best friend. they've been by each other's side since elementary school. he was there when she learned to tie her shoes, he was her first kiss, and he was there when she made the jump and dropped out of college to finally pursue streaming. this does not mean they won't gauge each other's eyes out over which villager in animal crossing is cutest.

renjun is yn's second best friend. renjun is also the only one with a respectable job. he is currently serving his residency at a nearby hospital and he hates (loves) it. renjun met yn and yangyang in 4th grade, helping bring yn to the nurses after a shitty jump off the swings. they clicked immediately. he brings balance to them, his mellow being contagious. barely goes out with the group anymore, but yn will always find time to bring the group to him. he's honestly yn's hero. if yn thanks him for anything, he always waxes that 'you being an idiot led me to my dream job, so don't worry about it, okay?'

jisung is well….jisung. he works at a thrift shop down the road from yn's apartment. they met one day when ryujin and her decided to check it out. it was like out of a movie, she locked eyes with jisung and his ridiculously bleached beyond repair hair and fireworks went off in her brain. he was perpetually shy when they first spoke and could barely make conversation but yn just kept coming back until she was basically just hanging out with him his entire shift. it's been about a year and a half now since they met & she has fully indoctrinated him into the friend group.

+ the privs!

mastlerlist - profiles 2

notes: :P

taglist: @sibwol

[badadder1]

Do you have any kakasaku recs? I’d love to branch out more with them!

hmm. It depends on what you like? I'd definitely recommend anything by @twofortea, @goldfishlover73, @bluemingqueen,

Dear Future You by @scarecrows-to-cherrytrees is one i read recently and freaking adored. And it's completed. Timetravel, broody early Naruto Kakashi, his future Sakura pops back to cause mayhem. Sexy, addictive, wonderfully written. There's one fight scene, if you read it you'll get it, but it's so dark, and sexy, and fuck I felt like I should hang up my keyboard because I'll never write anything so amazing when I read that scene.

Bluemingqueen has an adorable ongoing same age au/timetravel called The Danger of Smudged Storage Scrolls that I'm also seriously loving. I think it's almost finished. Its freaking cute. Awkward little Kakashi, determined to not be useless Sakura, sweet best friend vibes and mostly I'm just obsessed with how cute they are together so young! Its so well done and I cant wait till its finished. They also had a lot of great amazing one shots for kakasaku week. Like seriously, so good.

If you like AU, I just binged the shit out of The Exciting Adventures of Lotus Man, Blue Boy and the Not-So-Relucant Doctor Petals by goldfish. I had to Google the anime they crossed with for this but it was so hilarious, amazing pacing, the way they are like, PROFESSOR at smoth as fuck Xovers. Like. The way the two worlds work so well. The characterization are on point and if you like romance with a side of bromance and a shy Kakashi, it's for you. I really recommend this one. Goldfish also has a hanahaki disease long one shot, Blood Red Cherry Blossoms. It is beautiful. It is flawless. There isn't a single thing about the story that I would have done differently or went, "hm, idk but whatever." But the end will crush your soul for ever. It's been months and it still lives on my head, making me well up with sad and anger. It's okay though, because I wrote a fix it chapter 2 in my head so I console myself.

Tea has a lot of smut. Not really my thing anymore but what I have seen is... well done lol there are also several cute as fuck one-shot and short fics amongst the porn. Baby You Can Drive My Car is an adorable example. And No Dogs Allowed is as well. I love dog dad Kakashi here so freaking much. And I say that as someone that can not stand obnoxious dog people irl.

There are several other long ones I can not think of the names of rn. One, involved K and S getting involved in a drug/human trafficking thing. I wish so much I could remember because it was amazing. She's drugged at a bar, he saves her. She comes on to him, he actually is into it but she's drugged so. They finally get handsy later and she's abducted mid coitus. Gets wild from there.

Hope that helps!!

[newkatzkafe2023]

Okay just saw friends, family and enemies, meeting Queen Kong, now they HAVE to meet female Godzilla and Godzilla Jr. XD

(emojis don't work for this platform.)

I CHALLENGE ANYONE WHO READS THIS POST, TO TAG AND REBLOG AS MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS AS YOU CAN!!!!!!!

#Scary wife Privileges😈

(Lmk Wukong) Ohhhhhhhhhh man everyone in megaspolis can see you the Legendary godzilla. Your husband begged for months for you and godji jr to meet his friends and we finally agreed. After all godzilla jr kids Needs friends his age, so later you got to pigsy's restaurant. And everybody was either amazed or terrified, Tang was the first to notice and well...😨

Tang: P-Pigsy I-I t-think godzilla is outside your r-restaurant😨😨😨😨

Pigsy: Very funny Tang😒😒😒

Sandy:(Upon seeing you) Oh dear....😥

Wukong: Hey, you guys I want you meet my wife Y/n or goddesszilla and my son JR!!!!🥰🥰

Then the others showed up, Mk was spazzing out in a good way as he ran around you in extreme excitement. Then Mei was over here, taking selfies with goji Jr and playing with the filers with him. And Redson called his parents about the possible danger. As he hid under a table in Pigsy's restaurant.

With their Enemies 🐂🕷🌬☠️🦁🐘🕊

the spider gang did not want any of that radiation smoke🕷🕷🕷

and neither did DBK and PIF🐂🌬

Jin and Yin were fanboying all over the place🩶🤎

The Mayor knew what was good for him and stayed back and far away along with Lady bone demon☠️💀

Nezha Wasn't sure if he should report this to heaven or not

And Lastly Azure and Peng were outraged because what else has Wukong hid from them. Meanwhile Yellowtusk Did everything in his power were not to piss us off.

As for Macaque he's muttering his Prayers as he literally digs his own grave😈🤣😰

(MR Wukong) Terror Pure unadulterated Terror, your husband finally decided to tell his master about you and Jr, Any well it really could have gone better. The ground shook the camp as they see Wukong and Fruity come back with a big body and soon an even bigger body. The pilgrims were pale as snow when they saw you and Jr.

Wukong: I wanted to tell you, that I'm married now and this is my wife Y/n and my other son godzilla Jr🤗

We stared down at the pilgrims, as the monk wasted no time passing out because the monkey king is Married to GODDESSZILLA!!! pigsy pissed himself and sandy actively ran away screaming. Meanwhile fruity and goji Jr because the fastest best friends😊🥰

(NR Wukong) Ohhhhhhhhhh man this is gonna be lit🤩🤩🤩🤩. Everyone was so stoked to meet godzilla, and Wukong Sorta found himself bragging about you and his Jr. Li was at a serious lost about what to do with this information, but Jr was quick to win him over with his surprisingly social nature.

Li:(getting Lick by Jr) haha awww your so cute🥰😊

Godzilla Jr:(purrs)

Su and the others had many questions for you which you Took the time to patiently answer to the best of your while Wukong cuddle and purred into you.

Meanwhile

Ao bing: Dad is that goddesszilla???😯😲🫨

Ao Guang: Whatever you do do not make eye contact😨😰😱

(HIB Wukong) Luier and Silly girl already loved you when you made their father happy. They also became fast friends and Siblings with Godzilla Jr. Goji Jr was quick to become very protective over his younger smaller brother and Sister. But overall the 3 were loving play mates, and Silly girl had started calling you mama at the end of the visit as Luier would sit by you asking questions. Which put another painful blush on his face as he watched the whole interaction. You also Might be wondering why pigsy didn't bother to flirt with you......????

Because both of you can definitely kill him😬

(Netflix Wukong) the dragon king Screamed like a little girl when he saw you at Lin's house. While Lin herself, she could even begin to comprehend what's going on here. Wukong had bought you and Goji Jr to meet his friends and so far Goji Jr loved Lin as he went and licked her face. Making Lin laugh at the tickles, meanwhile dragon king was down for the count as you stared down at him with a glare. Dragon king remained on his best behavior while you were there Because his life literally depended on it.

FEEL FREE TO REBLOG

[iizora]

Hello! I hope you’re doing well. Can you do a Shadow x reader where Shadow has had a bad day, and he snaps at the reader when she asks for something or tries to talk to him and it hurts her feelings? I’m talking like he yells at her or something and it makes her cry. Then later Shadow apologizes and explains himself.

Thank you! ☺️

you heal the parts of me i never knew was broken- shadow angst

Author note: I am not good with dialogue sry if this is bad

Trigger warning: slight cursing

Everyone has bad days but it's been a month since seeing your lover, none of your texts went through, he was never home, any and all ways you've tried to communicate with him he shut down instantly, that paired with his work that had this man on a tight leash. You were getting sick of this, was he was just not going to put any thought or care into the relationship you worked so hard to build with him.

It's the middle of the night alone again not expecting anyone to bother you while you binge watch all the good shows on Netflix before they get taken down. The door harshly opened and shutting with a slam caused you to fall off the couch, the last thing on your mind was maybe it could be your lover finally returning, it was to grab the nearest item to use as a weapon.

Half way into trying to attack the figure the dim moonlight revealed a tired pissed off shadow just glaring at you from where he was standing, the chill from the hedgehogs eyes completely took any and all back bone you had, making you lower your items in just stand in front of him in awkward silence.

He simply took your silence as a way to avoid a conversation taking his chance to walk away from you. The hurt feelings from all the other few encounters you two had flooded into your brain repeatedly chanting to go talk to him this could be the only chance of knowing whether he truly still loved you.

"shadow can we talk... please" he stopped at your words as if he was thinking about it but nothing could come out of his mouth before restarting his steps. "Shadow please this is important" your words sounded more harsh then intended yanking his hand back as an effort to stop him.

"Can you get off my ass for a minute" he angrily snapped at you, this was the first time he's ever yelled at you or even raised his voice high enough to be considered rude to you. "Maybe I would if you stopped ignoring me every chance you get" Any sort of rational thoughts were left behind, any coherent thoughts were curses in your head telling you how much you hated each other in that moment.

The pointless back and forth seems to have no end no real goal or comprehension to get at. "why can't you just talk to me for once it won't kill you to be a tad bit more carrying" the argument wasn't going anywhere he's just too damn stubborn to listen "well you could be a little less affectionate from time to time do you not get how frustrating it is to have you breathing down my neck like a love struck puppy every minute".

you knew months of those pent up emotions just can't handle another word from him but the shocked look on your face when tears started flooding in, the chocked sobs were the last thing he heard before you just left. if he doesn't care enough to love you at your best then you knew damn well you wouldn't let him see you at your worst. nothing else was spoken that night until he could find you.

your face Buried into your knees at the empty park just sobbing and questioning why is he acting like this. Are there any good reason to help justify your broken relationship.

After a while you left a familiar chill behind your back the one of supposedly the love of your life with a regretful look on his face not saying a word just sitting down next you letting the uncomfortable silence blow over. "Am sorry, I shouldn't have yelled like that" he muttered "do you still want to talk, work out our problems together" he finished looking at you trying to calculate your face for any hint of sorrow or discomfort at the thought. Simply giving him a nod not wanting this fight to last longer then it already has "what's the real reason you've been avoiding me, please be honest"

"Your love has healed parts of me I didn't know were broken, and know that we've been together for so long I couldn't help but worry you'd get hurt because of me" the look he gave you made your heart absolutely break, the world never felt so bright and color before he came along the thought of losing him made you hold back a few tears. rapidly embracing him into the tightest hug "so you still love me" your words nearly let out a faucet of tears go “You make my soul feel complete, like no one else ever could. I will never stop loving you”

That night all you two could do was stay embraced in each other's arms afraid one might disappear if you let go.

[alice-after-dark]

A Dark Web Romance (Concept)

Just a fun concept that has been sitting in my drafts for a while.

@hiemaldesirae hope you feel better :)

TW for violence, abusive relationships, vaguely implied sexual abuse, cannibalism, gore, murder, implied NSFT, and other canon-typical triggers. Contains abusive StaticMoth.

Vincent Haynes, who goes by the online name "Vox," is an elite hacker who makes his money on the Dark Web doing jobs for the worst of the worst. It is through this work that he becomes acquainted with a user known as TheRadioDemon, a cannibalistic serial killer who hosts a podcast. Vox has never missed a show since discovering him and has developed a crush on the man. Sure, he may not have any interest in which parts of the human body are best suited for a stew, but he is more than willing to listen to that gorgeous voice explain it to him in graphic detail while he carves said flesh off his screaming victim.

When the host expresses difficulty with his website, Vox jumps at the opportunity and soon the two are exchanging private messages daily, even long after the problem has been fixed.

One day months later he meets Alastor Bourreau, a new resident in their apartment complex who has moved into the apartment across from Vox. Hailing from New Orleans, he has come to New York City for a change of scenery, a "change of flavor" as he puts it.

There is something...familiar about the man, but Vox can't put his finger on it.

Vox and Alastor become fast friends, something Vox's boyfriend, a jealous and unstable pimp named Valentino, does not approve of. Their relationship began after Valentino hired Vox to do some work for his snuff website and now Vox is trapped in Valentino's never ending cycle of love-bombing and abuse. He is too scared to leave the pimp, knowing full well that Valentino could have him killed if he wanted to.

He expresses these fears to TheRadioDemon during their nightly chat after a particularly bad fight that leaves Vox with two broken ribs and a sprained wrist.

And suddenly Valentino stops calling him. He stops showing up at his apartment unannounced over some perceived slight or another. He stops contacting him altogether. It's strange and confusing and Vox doesn't know what to make of it. Valentino won't answer his calls. In fact, they all go straight to voicemail until finally the inbox is full and he can't leave any more.

He decides Valentino is probably on another one of his binges and that he'll hear from him eventually.

But he doesn't. What he gets instead is a link to a livestream sent to him from TheRadioDemon. That's...strange. TheRadioDemon has never been a visual person, always sticking to his podcast format. Still, he clicks on it without hesitation.

Front and center is Valentino.

The man is strapped into a medical chair with his chest cut wide open. Vox can see the rise and fall of the man's lungs. A message pops into his inbox.

Do you like it, darling? He broke your ribs, so I took his. I also took the liberty of removing that foul tongue of his.

Another message.

What should I take next?

Vox already knows what he wants before the question even comes.

Cut off his fucking dick.

It's three hours before the video ends, the main chat alight with suggestions and comments. The video goes dark every time TheRadioDemon acts, broadcasting Valentino's agonized gurgles and wails and cutting back on to reveal the new damage done. Vox says no more, simply sits back and watches the show.

He is only half watching Valentino though. Instead, his gaze is constantly being drawn to the small red fawn plush sitting on the metal table, starkly innocent beside the bloodied instruments of torture and placed so purposefully.

He knows that plush. He bought that plush.

Moments after stream ends finds him in front of Alastor's door. He's barely had time to knock when it opens and he is yanked inside and subsequently slammed up against the door and kissed.

"I was so hoping you'd catch on," Alastor mumbles against his lips. "I've had my eyes on you ever since you first tuned into my broadcast. I could hardly contain myself when I finally found you. You looked so delicious."

Vox isn't sure if he means that literally or figuratively and he doesn't care. It might be both. It's probably both. He's okay with that.

[snugglebunches]

Med Changes, Me Changes

I don't know where I can put a little message out there like this. I can't do it on my private Facebook or Instagram, and my X and other socials are primarily used for NSFW stuff (even my Tumblr is) and just feel too sex-themed for this to be an appropriate thing to post there.

This likely won't get many- or any- reads, and that is okay. It's primarily meant as a diary entry for myself, and just to give a view on my life and why things are how they are for me sometimes.

To start off, I love my life so so much. I've taken so many steps and made so many changes to myself. I've fought and struggled, bled and cried, just to get to this exact place in my life. Is it perfect? No, but most days, I make it through without thinking about offing myself or hurting myself, and I call that a pretty big win. An even bigger win is that I often find myself looking out at the home I now have and I can't help but shed a tear or two, and just say aloud (quietly) for the world to hear "I love my life, I love this place." and I truly mean it.

That being said, my life has been very hard. I know most people (if not everyone) go through their own trials and tribulations. It's not a competition. We all go through our own stuff.

Through all my trauma, I have come out the other end as a 28-year-old with a severe binge-eating disorder, past self-harm issues, consistent suicidal ideation, complex PTSD, major depression, and probably a butt-load of other undiagnosed psychological stuff (I can assume what I have, but without professional diagnoses I won't say I officially have them, haha.)

I recently began seeing a psychiatrist consistently, which is great. Therapy doesn't work well for me. I've talked all my trauma and my past to death. Talking about stuff doesn't really do much for me. I'd love to try out the really complicated experimental therapy stuff, like being hypnotized or something cooky, but I just haven't met a therapist or psychiatrist who wanted to try that on me. BUT, my new psychiatrist had medicated me. That is EXACTLY what I wanted.

Talking my problems out doesn't do much for me, it's never changed the chemical imbalances in my brain or made me feel better. I'm not afraid of meds, I'm not afraid of being drugged up. I spent a good portion of 18-21 living in party homes and even a trap house for a short while. I don't mind being drugged up a bit (though I have always stayed away from hard drugs, love me a good blunt or perc or liquor, though) and so when my psychiatrist offered to put me on Vyvanse to control my Binge Eating disorder, and Prozac for my anxiety/depression/binge eating disorder, I was GUNG-FUCKING-HP.

Like, yes doc, please give me yummy meds that will redirect my brain chemicals and make me happy again.

And they have helped. I've been on them, consistently, for 3+ months and holy shit do I feel better. I've noticed, actually noticed, a difference in myself.

My confidence, my anxiety, and my interests have all changed.

I don't care about wearing a push up wired bra with every outfit, I'm finally dressing more for my own comfort when I'm going out to nice things (comfy unwired bras and shorts under dresses 😭) I'm not worrying about makeup, and I'm just not concerned with the gaze of others. I am me, I am existing in the body I have, and I feel good about it.

My eating has also been more under control. I know "Colleen we love your stuffing, we love that you eat so much and you're so so fat!" and I love being fat too, I love food and those things will never really change, though I have always wanted to be at a healthier (still fat) weight and I've wanted to get the excessive eating under control. Yes, y'all sexualize stuffing and fatness, but my stuffing and fatness is the result of traumatic abuse I received as a child, and I just want to heal.

I used to get shaky, sweaty, and just an anxious mess during flights. I hate, HATE turbulence and would get too freaked out, but that's changed too. I don't feel my stomach drop and panic every time the plane shakes or bounces. I feel the same way I feel just taking a train, elevator, or car. My body is moving fast, but I am *safe*, and I feel fine.

When I was a child/teen, I read a LOT. My mom loves to make the joke that when I was a teen, they couldn't ground me by taking away electronics or games; they'd have to take away my books and library card because my happy place was reading. At some point in my teens, when my parents divorced and my depression/weight/eating truly became an issue, I just put down books and stopped reading as much. Suddenly, I was binge-watching things, playing more video games, eating and drinking and smoking pot, and putting myself in dangerous situations (leading to the first instances of my being SA'ed as a teen/adult). Reading was my main escape from a hard life, and suddenly I just began helping it be a harder life and began a lot of self-destructive behavior.

Back in December of 2024, just after starting my new meds, I started reading. I read shorter books, short stories, and I was primarily leaning towards horror books I'd find on BookTok (the reading corner of TikTok), and I was suddenly reading a new book almost every week, I even re-read a couple books I read years ago that I really enjoyed.

I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison (such an interesting read, and I was watching/listening to HOURS of Youtube content on this book afterwards)

All Tomorrows by C.M. Kosemen (because it seems like such a true future for use billions of years in the future)

Tithe by Holly Black (The first fairy-themed book I read, back in middle school, and I loved it then and now)

The Twisted Ones by T. Kingfisher (Honestly so interesting and good, a great ending and I loved the storytelling!)

The Deep by Nick Cutter (Very interesting, though I actually hated the ending and how things ended up, but I still loved the read)

The Cavern by Alister Hodge (Also a good read, pretty interesting, kind of weird how often the author mentions men pissing their pants?)

All the Ugly and Wonderful Things by Bryn Greenwood (a weird read, but beautiful and I have loved it both the times I've read it)

I'm currently reading through The Haar by David Sodergren, Mister Lullaby by J.H. Markert, and The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, BUT I was off my meds for a week and a half and I just lost the interest in the books again, which is so crazy that it really makes that much of a difference.

Idk where I was planning on going with this post. I'm just happy with how my life feels right now, and I'm looking forward to the future for the first time in a very very long time.

[theoldspark]

Not the anon who criticized Skybound on the confessions blog, but I saw your reply so I thought I'd send an ask. I'm a fan of Skybound but I can see a lot of valid criticisms wrt pacing (mostly action), a large cast with many characters that don't get enough page time (tho it isn't even That large yet so it's kinda more a TF problem in general imo...), subplots that take a long time to get addressed/resolved (tho I am reserving final judgement on this until #24 comes out which will be the end of DWJ's time as the writer of the series. I started reading Skybound around #14, imo as a binge read it's fine, but having to wait half a year or more for something to get resolved is killer. I never read traditional serialized American comics before the Energon Universe so I don't know if this is typical.) More specific criticisms would require spoilers.

I think whether you'd like it or not depends on personal taste, it isn't perfect but it's fun and the art is gorgeous. If nothing else is peak, the art absolutely is. The contrast between the super stylized and saturated G1 designs next to the super detailed humans and environments is crazy. The preview of the cover by DWJ for #20 (not out yet) is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Jorge Corona's penciling is also wonderful, the "skinned alive"/tortured Autobot in #8 is SO visceral and expressive. The issue that introduced Beachcomber was similarly breathtaking. The fight scenes are also incredibly dynamic (thanks to DWJ's background with wrestling). Reading it in hand is worth it for the spreads alone. Despite what I said about characters lacking pagetime, characterization is still strong - YMMV but it definitely has one of the best Optimus Prime's, and I'm a HUGE fan of their take on Elita. The humans are also done well! They actively add something to the story.

I guess the main thing is that when I try to think about what Skybound is doing NEW I kind of come up with a blank. Mostly small things so far. It hasn't lasted long enough to do anything crazy yet because it was committed to starting from ground zero. We only got Megatron in issue #18! And #19 was a flashback, so that's over a year and a half before Megatron became an active character. The war on Earth not immediately involving Megatron was very cool (especially if you like Starscream being petty and murderous) but the plot moves slowly. I've only read a bit of IDW so I unfortunately can't compare between the two of them. Idk how far IDW1 had gotten story-wise after the first 19~ issues they published. BUT...if you (general you) enjoy G1 (especially Sunbow G1 which is the "Bible" DWJ is using), there's really no reason why you wouldn't like Skybound? FWIW I only got into Transformers within the last year and watched all of G1 as an adult and loved it, so it's not a nostalgia thing for me, but it's def the closest retread of G1 done in years. Which I personally appreciate, since there's actually a lot of really interesting G1 stuff that never got touched again!.....but that's why I actually slightly prefer Void Rivals, which has the most "Season 3"/scifi stuff in it so far, including Hot Rod in the last few issues. (yay!) We're even getting Wreck-Gar this month.

Apologies for the super long ask! But I hope this was useful.

Thank you so much, anon! I appreciate you taking the time to answer something I commented elsewhere.

To be honest, whether it is said to be good or bad, I always prefer to judge for myself after I've consumed the actual source material and not just people's opinions that may very well be biased.

However, it did seem curious to me that many fans seemed to only have good things to say about Skybound, so I was intrigued by the anon ask that said the opposite.

Reading your ask, I'll say that Skybound sounds like something I would enjoy. Plus G1 (although I haven't watched it all) is one of my favorite Transformers series, so anything closely based on it gets kudos from me. But I do see where the other anon was coming from with the criticism. Slow-paced stories don't always work, especially when you only have 24 issues to tell it. And one thing I'm not sure I'll be a fan of that I've heard of is 'Optimus puts Earth before Cybertron' once again. I've never liked that trope, but to be fair it's not anything new for Optimus Prime's character.

Overall, for the things I know, it's a story worth giving it a chance. It may not be perfect, but hardly anything is in this fandom.

[fanficmanic]

Let me start by saying that Aisha Hinds did a wonderful job for her directing debut!! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!!

Another quick thing to get out of the way is this: I DO NOT like not seeing Eddie for a full episode. He better be there next week!

Now! Let's start to unpack, just like Buck did at the end of today's episode (about time, babe).

(I will not be talking about Bobby's storyline with his mom because that was too emotional for me and hit a bit too close to home)

The way the episode began with Buck unable to unpack and just going to stay with Maddie kinda broke my heart. Babe is hurting and only his sister could provide comfort now that Eddie isn't there to do it.

Then the parallel between the lady on the tower and the Rollercoaster in season 1!! It really scared me, like Buck wouldn't be able to handle it now! Thankfully, they didn't go there.

I said this for 8×9 when Buck took over Eddie's lease: the writer's room is full of fanfction readers and authors. You can't convince me otherwise.

I mean, running into Tommy at a bar? (Or more like having Tommy dragged over to him - looking at you, Ravi) Taking Tommy back to Eddie's house? They need to start giving credit to FanFic authors!!

Now, let me take this time to pay very close attention and dissect to the conversation Buck and Tommy had in the kitchen.

Buck was OK with nothing else happening, because based on the breakup speech back in Confessions, nothing has changed as far as he was aware, until Tommy said that he wouldn't mind taking it further and trying again "now that the competition is out of the way"

Say what now? Competition is out of the way?

Tommy knew all the way in season 7 that Buck has feelings for Eddie. ("My attention?" He asked, shocked). Yet, he went for it. But 6 months later, after seeing first hand how close Eddie and Buck are, he decided to leave to protect his heart. I don't blame him one bit, dude has good self-preservation skills that I know I didn't have back when I was still dating.

When Buck pushed for an explanation on "the competition", his only reasoning for not having feelings for Eddie was that Eddie is straight.

To which Tommy scoffed so loud people heard it from outer space. He scoffed! He didn't even try to pretend to believe it, because 1) his gaydar is spot on - he clocked Buck's bisexuality from a mile away, and 2) (as pointed out by @cathcer1984 during our live chat) he and Eddie served, and I'm welling to bet he identified with Eddie's repression the minute they started hanging out.

So, yeah. Tommy scoffed at that, as if to say, "you don't even know the half of it, Evan."

Then Buck went to say the two lines that gave the entire Fandom whiplash:

"I don't have to sleep with everyone I have feelings for, and I don't have to have feelings for everyone I sleep with."

I think Buck was too focused on the hurt he caused Tommy with the second sentence that he didn't even realize he actually said the first.

Like, baby, you just admitted that you don't have feelings for Tommy while admitting that you have feelings for Eddie! (In the voice of Chandler Bing): can you be any more oblivious?

Then he had a talk with Maddie, very similar to the talk he had with her back in season 7 about Tommy, and again, his only reasoning for not having feeling for Eddie is because Eddie is "My straight best friend."

Who are you trying to convince here, Buck? Everyone or yourself, baby boy?

The episode ended with Buck finally unpacking, which could mean that he finally accepted that Eddie and Christopher aren't coming back (like he told Maddie). However, accepting it and reacting about it are two different things. I think we still have a lot to see about Buck's reaction about Eddie leaving, and that what we saw today was just the tip of the iceberg.

I'm going to end up my very long post with this: I loved today's episode, every single second of it, and I think it all needs to happen to get the characters to where they need to be.

[fabled-lady-twilla]

Hi, I'm Twilla and I'm currently in the process of writing a ShigaDeku Dystopia/Soulmate AU fic that no one, and I mean literally NO ONE, asked for! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Why do I always join fandoms late and why do I always somehow end up loving/shipping the rarepairs in fandoms that barely anyone likes or wants to read about lmao? 🥺👉👈

I just finished reading the latest manga chapter, watched all six seasons, and binged all three movies. I am absolutely BURSTING with ideas of where I want this story to go. I want to at least post the first chapter by the time ShigaDeku Week 2024 is here next month. :)

In my fic timeline, the MHA canon story line doesn't happen until Class 1-A's third year, and since my story is set six years after their graduation, most of the main characters are in their mid to late twenties. My story starts after the Quirk Affliction, a strange illness that begins killing off Quirk-users all around to world, resulting in a massive a death toll that causes civilized society to collapse.

Anyways, here's the general synopsis:

The Final War was over before it had even begun. With the onset of the Quirk Affliction, a mysterious illness that disproportionately targeted the Quirks of heroes over the Quirks of villains, the world was left defenseless as it plunged into a new era of chaos and devastation.

It’s been six years since the onset of the Affliction and the death of All Might. Six years since the world’s heroes, and the society they desperately fought to protect, have crumbled into dust in Shigaraki Tomura’s hands.

From the ashes of this destruction, Japan’s new regime was born. The country was split into three territories, each with its own Grand Commander, united in nothing save for one singular rule: life for those who submit, and death for those who do not.

As Grand Commander of the largest and most plentiful of Japan’s territories, Shigaraki has lived the last six years reaping the fruits of his labors and taking pride in helping his Sensei accomplish his dream. But as of late, Tomura has been having strange dreams of his own: hazy memories of an abandoned park, of blooming wisteria trees, of laughter and freckles and forest green eyes.

Midoriya Izuku, now Quirkless due to the Affliction, has not stopped his pursuit of helping others, despite the world — and everything in it — turning itself upside down. Izuku dreams of a brighter future, and strangely enough, dreams of his long-lost childhood friend, Shimura Tenko.

The same Tenko that Izuku had unknowingly befriended as a young boy. The same Tenko who’d stopped him from jumping off the rooftop all those years ago. The same Tenko that, Izuku realized with horror, was now the monster known as Shigaraki Tomura.

Unfortunately, Izuku learns all too late that having a Soulbond with the King of Villains comes with a heavy cost. Shigaraki seems hell-bent on keeping Izuku as close to him as possible, believing Izuku to be his Soulmate, and thus, Shigaraki’s only true weakness, stirring up an ill-fated romance that neither has prepared themselves for.

As a new calamity encroaches upon them in the form of a mad man attempting to become a god, the heroes and villains must find a way to work together and solve the mystery of the Affliction before it destroys the world and everything they hold dear.

✨ P l e a s e ✨ let me know if you're interested in hearing about this by either, liking, reblogging, or sending me a PM. I'm working really hard to get the first chapter of this out by ShigaDeku Week 2024 in May!

Thank you so much for reading. 💚💚💚

[hazelsmirrorball]

Bad idea right? Jason Todd x Fem! reader

pairings: Ex! Jason Todd x Fem! Reader

Summary: Jason hits his ex girlfriend up

Warnings: suggested language, exes, english isn’t my main language 

a/n:  I’m back! Wrote this in my literature class bored as hell. Hope you guys like it. 

[MASTERLIST]

Y/n pushed past the sweaty bodies as she attempted to keep herself steady after drinking everything people offered her on the bar. Ever since her single days started, everyday has been the same. Bing watching TV shows while  eating ice cream. So when her friends came to her apartment and forced her to hang out, her routine was off the rails.  She was really fucked up after she decided to have a shot. Because one became two and two became seven. She missed having fun.  She missed hanging out with her friends. Y/n loved to hang out with them but being in a relationship made it pretty hard. She would usually spend her nights worrying if her boyfriend, well ex boyfriend, was going to come back alive. 

But now, It’s been four months since she had ended things with Jason Todd and she could do whatever she wants. She didn’t have to spend those nights wide awake waiting for him. She didn’t have to clean his wounds. Things were different now, she was her top priority.  If you asked her if she was over him, she would answer without a doubt no. But her actions would say otherwise.

Obviously she still cared for Jason. They had dated for four years and the thought of getting married would pass the couple's mind. But the last few months of their relationship, Jason got  distant and Y/n couldn’t even recognize him anymore. So their little talk became a fight and ended up with them breaking up. She did miss Jason. His sweet smile, his supportive aura and just him. She still loved him and four months and alcohol won’t change that. So when her phone started ringing the ringtone she assigned him she found herself pushing past the people worrying something was wrong with him. 

 As Y/n headed to the other side of the bar she pulled out her phone from her back pocket noticing the number that was calling her. Her finger hovered over the answer button hesitating if it was a good idea to answer. This was supposed to be a girls night, Jason was not supposed to be in the picture. If she answered she wouldn’t hear the end of it. She was supposed to be over Jason. Jason should be blocked. Pictures should be deleted. But there she was debating on answering her ex-boyfriend's late night call.  When Y/n  looked back down she noticed that Jason had stopped calling and had opted to send her a text. Her face lit up from the light that was coming out of the phone.  Four text messages. 

Hey Y/n. 

Just wanted to check up on you. I haven't heard anything about you in a minute. 

I have a new apartment so if you want to pass by. 

I’m all alone and needing company. 

Y/n felt a shiver around her body as she reread the message. Was there something encrypted in those text messages? Jason hadn’t attempted to talk to her ever since they broke up. Why was trying to act like everything was fine? She was aware that they were done. Y/n knew they were through but reading those messages made her feel something.  She shouldn’t be doing this. They were broken up and it was for a reason. Jason hadn’t made an effort before, why come around all of a sudden. It wasn’t one of her greatest ideas. She was having fun, here, with her friends. Without Jason. But part of her thought she could have a better time with him. 

“Fuck. Seeing him tonight. Is a bad idea right?” Y/n said to herself as she reread the message once again.  When Y/n finally pushed past the sea of people she pull the door to the outside of the bar open. Turning the phone off she let out a muffled scream pulling on her hair. She let out a sigh as she started pacing back and forth taking in her options. 

“Should I go? Like yes, I know that he's my ex, but can't two people reconnect? I only see him as a friend. We are friends? Friends can hang out.There’s no tension. Okay that literally is the biggest lie I’ve ever said. This is literally a late night booty call.  I can’t lie to myself and act like I don’t want to go. But after all the shit I’ve said if I go I would hate myself for it. But if I don’t go I’ll also hate myself for it. Seeing him tonight. Is a bad idea right? Yes, no, maybe? You know what. Fuck it, it’s fine”  She yelled to herself as she called a cab and reading the address to the driver. 

Y/n L/n has regretted doing a lot of things in her life. But sitting at the back of the taxi car wanting for her to be dropped off at Jason’s house, made her think. She couldn’t name the list of things she has regretted doing but she could name things she didn’t regret doing and that was standing outside of Jason Todd’s apartment. 

There he was. Jason Todd, in all his glory. Smiling at her with the smile she had fallen deeply for. She could say she had seen hotter men but seeing him with some loose sweatpants laying on his hips made her feel things she couldn’t even explain. God, when she looked at him her brain just said nonsense and she couldn’t even read her thoughts. All she could think of was the things that were going to happen once she entered that room.

“It’s nice seeing you, Y/n. You look good” Jason replied, pulling her into a hug. Y/n happily  hugged him back taking in his strong cologne making her fall into a deeper trance. She could feel Jason rub her lower back as she hid her face on his neck not wanting to let go. They stood like that for a few minutes but the cool breeze from the Gotham night made them pull away.  Jason leaned back against   the door letting her scoot past him.  Y/n walked in looking around analyzing the apartment. Noticing the alcohol empty bottles all around the room made her think that Jason was in the same state as her. His apartment was small, if you were in the kitchen you could take two steps and you would be in his room. So there they were. Jason sat at the edge of the bed and Y/n sat closely next to him. 

“So, how are things? How is the family?” Jason asked as he looked forward, not daring to look at her. Y/n blinked several times, getting annoyed. Regretting for an instant being here. 

“Just kiss me already, Jay” Y/n replied, turning towards him. At the sound of the nickname that he missed hearing the past few months. Jason picked Y/n up by the waist with ease desperately  kissing her lips. Hunger. That’s what it felt kissing each other after four months. None of them wanted to lose each other. Y/n bit his lips and Jason gripped on her waist probably leaving his mark there.  She pushed him harshly against the bed letting his lips go. She looked down at him, noticing his unsteady breathing. Jason sent her a loopy smile her way and all she could think about was that she didn’t regret being here. She only saw him as a friend,  tripping  and falling into his bed. 

No, it wasn’t a bad idea. 

…

Y/n groaned as she turned to the side searching for her ringing phone. When she finally  got a hold of it she noticed Jason's strong grip on her. She hid a smile as Jason parted lips let out little snores, his eye furrowed unintentionally. For a second Y/n forgot the rigging phone in her hand as her eyes wandered on Jason's bare chest. Her finger traced on top of Jason’s scars. Jason's eyes fluttered open glaring at her playfully. Y/n snapped back to reality moving her phone towards her eyes answering quickly. 

“Finally! Where the hell are you, girl?” Y/n friend exclaimed loudly as Y/n pulled the phone away trying not to hear her that loudly. 

“I decided to go to bed early. That’s all” Y/n responded while hearing her friend letting out a sigh of relief. As she did that Jason let out a chuckle gaining her friends attention.

“Wait, is there someone with you? Y/n” she exclaimed once again before Jason could say anything Y/n covered his mouth. 

Even if it wasn’t a bad idea, her friends didn’t have to know she was under Jason Todd sheets.

[MASTERLIST]

[mirkwoodshewolf]

No following; Planet of the Apes fanfic Chap. 1

*Author's note*

Okay so we're gonna try something new here tumblr. Ever since I saw the new Planet of the apes film a month ago I got interested in the fandom once again but never thought anyone wrote fics for the fandom. After reading some on FF.net as well as here, it got me wanting to write a series while I'm on a writer's block for my current series. And thus this series was born.

This entire series will encompass the Andy Serkis trilogy and will be a Caesar fic. But it is STRICTLY PLATONIC so if that's not your cup of tea, no hate and just move on. This is my story and I'll write it the way I want to.

Now to those who wish to give this series a chance as you read, leave a comment down below if you wish to be tagged for updates (rn I'll be binge posting cause I've already got 10 chapters ready to go and be read).

WARNINGS: Fluff, angst, swearing, violence. So this won't be for the light of heart (at least until I get to Dawn and then War).

Taglist:

@queen-paladin

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@psychosupernatural

@plethora-of-things

@gay-and-ready-to-cry

@waddles03

______________________________________________________

Some say that the bonds between human and animal are a unique thing.  That there’s an unbreakable trust between the two and that they are fated to always be together.  Others say that like soulmates, there’s always an animal for a person who needs them the most.  For me, I would end up having the most unique of all bonds with an animal that is closest to my own species of animal.

This is the story of such a bond, this is the story of Lin and Caesar.

It was nightfall and pouring down rain as I rode home with my best friend Gabriella and her mother.  Gabi and I had known each other since Pre-K after we both had a love for the Disney movie Lilo and Stitch.  From that moment on we’ve been inseparable.  Currently I was getting a ride home with her mom after our strings class.

She and I after school go over to the rec center every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday nights and perform with the San Fransisco Strings and Orchestra for minors.  Gabi plays the cello and I play the violin.  We’re both pretty good if I do say so myself, our teacher tells us that we could eventually go far into the world of music if we set our mind to it.  But I think I’m good cause of my genetics, after all my grandpa was a former music professor and conductor.  But he doesn’t really play anymore, or at least he tries to.

We soon stopped at my house and I said grabbing my things and readied my umbrella.

“Thanks for the ride Mrs. Montez.”

“Anytime Lin sweetie. Watch out crossing the dark, wet sidewalk.”

“I will, see you tomorrow in class Gabi.”

“See yah Lin.” I quickly opened the door and opened up my umbrella before quickly racing across the sidewalk and up the stairs to my front door.  I took my key and unlocked the door but not before waving one final time and soon Mrs. Montez drove off down the road.

I entered inside and shook off my umbrella before hanging it to dry.  I also took off my raincoat and hung it up beside it before walking further into the house proclaiming.

“Hello? Grandpa? Uncle Will?” that’s when I heard the sound of cooing, like a baby cooing but it wasn’t human.  I set my violin case down to the banister by the front door and walked into the study room where I found a large box with holes sitting on the table.  As I got closer to it, I heard my uncle say.

“Oh perfect timing, guess that means I can show you both.” I turned and saw both my uncle and grandpa coming around from the kitchen entry.

“Show me what?” uncle Will walked passed me, ruffled my hair and stood over the box.

“Hey grandpa.”

“Hey sweetheart. Get another gold star from Ms. Honey for good behavior?” I smiled solemnly.  Ms. Honey was my kindergarten teacher, my current teacher is Mr. Simmons. 

My grandpa for the past couple of years has been dealing with Alzheimer’s disease.  Uncle Will told me that it’s a disease that slowly eats away at the brain’s cells, affecting memory and sometimes body function.  You see, my parents died in a plane crash when I was just 3 years old and in their will they had the next guardianship be my grandpa.  But two years ago, that’s when the disease started to take its effect on him.

So my uncle Will had to move in with us to help not only take care of me but of grandpa too.  And when he’s at work and I’m at school, a nice nurse comes in and helps take care of grandpa.

“Grandpa, I’m in the 4th grade. My teacher is Mr. Simmons. You know the nice man you and uncle Will met last month at the school picnic.” He looked dazed for a second but then said.

“Oh right, yeah I knew that.”

“Dad, Lin, come check this out.” Uncle Will said trying to redirect the conversation.  We came over and the second we looked inside, there lay a baby monkey.

“Is that a monkey?” I asked with a head tilt.

“He’s actually a chimpanzee, an ape.” Uncle Will corrected me.  Grandpa was in pure awe as he slowly reached in and touched the baby chimp.

“What is that? Is he injured?” he asked as I took notice of a mark right around the right side of his chest.  It was a prominent balding mark in a unique shape, a long oval shape with an additional stripe at the top.  Kinda reminded me of an incomplete cross or an unfinished F.

“No, I think that’s a birthmark.” Uncle Will said as he crossed into the kitchen and started putting some things into the fridge.  All the while grandpa picked up the baby chimp and lifted him high into the air like he was Simba.  The little guy was just small enough to fit between both of grandpa’s hands.

“Listen Lin,” he told me before he began quoting, “‘But as for Caesar, kneel down, kneel down and wonder.’”

“He’s so cute.” I awed as I reached out and touched his little toes.

“Yeah don’t get too attached, either of you.” Uncle Will told us.

“So why bring him here then if we can’t keep him?” I sassed.

“He’s not a dog or a cat, not even a bunny rabbit. He’s a wild animal. My coworker promised he’d try to find an animal sanctuary for him in a couple of days.” I let out a exasperated groan.

“Animal sanctuaries are still prisons.”

“Don’t get smart young lady.” My uncle playfully reprimanded as he pointed at me.

“It’s not polite to point.” I sassed back.

“Polite? Okay, I’ll show you polite.” My uncle said as he shut the fridge and giving me that narrowed but playful look in his eyes.  I took off running as he raced after me.  I got only up four stairs before I felt two arms wrap around me and he swung me away from the staircase and the next thing I felt was a wet finger in my ear.

“GAHH EWW UNCLE WILL!!!”

“Yeah your mom did this to me all the time when we were kids, now it’s payback.” He laughed.

“I’m innocent in this vile act!” I proclaimed dramatically.

“But you must pay for the sins of thy mother young youth!”

“Will, Maria, you two better stop horsing around in there.” At hearing my mom’s name we both settled down and a somber feeling was in the air.

“He’s been calling me that on and off for the past week.”

“Honestly who can blame him. You look so much like her when she was your age.” He said with a soft smile and he ruffled my hair again.

“Really?”

“Yeah. And when have I ever lied about anything in regards to my big sister?”

“Never.”

“Exactly.” He then playfully nudged my side with his before changing the subject.  “Now please tell me you managed to eat dinner cause I’ve had a long day of work and I don’t feel like cooking anything.”

“Lucky for you, the rec center was hosting a pizza party after the past few months prepping for Districts last week. Maestro Fiyero said we earned a little break after working us so hard.”

“Good. Now why don’t you brush your teeth and get ready for bed.”

“Why does my curfew have to be 9 o’clock? I’m 10 years old, not five.”

“Growing girls needs sleep too you know.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell grandpa I said goodnight will yah?”

“Will do kid. Sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

“You too.” I grabbed my violin and raced on upstairs and did my nighttime routine before getting into bed and turning off the light.

As the night progressed, I soon heard the sounds of shrieks coming from the hallway.  I opened my eyes and looked at my clock to see that it was 2:30am.  I got up and let out a cough and muttered to myself.

“Need some juice.” Quietly I walked down the hallway towards the stairs but as I came to the bathroom I could hear the shower running as well as the bathroom sink.  Did grandpa accidentally leave the water running again after taking his shower?  No, Uncle Will would’ve turned it off by now.

I knocked softly on the door and I heard my uncle’s voice say.

“It’s just me dad.”

“I’m not grandpa.” I heard footsteps and the door cracked open and when he saw me, he brought me into the bathroom before closing it.  Immediately I was hit with the heat that had been trapped by the hot water that was coming from both the shower and the sink.

“What are you doing up so late Lin?”

“I heard shrieking and then I got thirsty.”

“Ohh sorry, guess this little guy woke you up too huh?” it was then I took notice of the baby chimp swaddled up in my uncle’s arms.  I looked down at him and he looked up at me, moving his grip from my uncle’s finger to mine as he cooed.

“He looks like he has a cold.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, his nose is kinda runny.”

“Well that’s normal for babies sometimes. He’s barely a day old. You definitely had a runny nose when you were born.”

“No I didn’t!”

“Oh yeah you were quite the little snot monster. The original boogeyman, or boogeygirl.” He said taking his free hand that was on top of the baby chimp and playfully gripped my nose.

“Uncle Will!” I whined softly which made him laugh.  Our moment was stopped as the baby chimp let out a few more coos before snuggling up to uncle Will, all the while the grip on my finger got a bit tighter.  I smiled down at him and said as I stroked my thumb over his tiny fingers.  “Are you sure we can’t keep him?”

“I’ll—think about it. Holding him like this….makes me think back to the day you were born. Boy your mom wouldn’t let me near you at first. Feared I was gonna drop you, she always had that fierce mama bear instinct right from the get-go. Even when we were growing up and as she tormented me at times. When I needed it, she was there with her hot-headed attitude.”

“I miss her uncle Will.”

“Me too kid. Me too.” I leaned up against him and he rested his head on top of mine giving it a soft kiss.  “Go on back to bed, I’ll stay up with him.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’m used to all-nighters, one day you might get there when you’re composing your first symphony. But for now, head back to bed.”

“Can I still get my juice first? I’m thirsty.”

“Just this once. Just be quiet when passing Charles’ room.” I nodded before leaning down and gave the baby chimp a kiss to which he let out a cute yawn and quiet hoot.

“Goodnight little chimp. Night uncle Will.” I gave him a peck on the cheek and he said goodnight to me as I quietly left the bathroom shutting the door immediately as I got out.  I went downstairs, got my drink and went back to bed.

The next morning I was finishing my breakfast and packing my school books into my backpack as uncle Will was coming down with the baby chimp and set him up in my old high-stool chair that grandpa had kept.

“Where’s my car keys?” grandpa asked as he was patting through his robe and pj pockets.  “My car keys where’d you put them? I need to get Lin to school!” he said urgently.

“Dad.” Uncle Will calmly spoke to him. “You-you don’t drive anymore. And Lin takes the bus.” Grandpa looked at him with a blank stare before turning away and telling him.

“I know that.” It really does make me sad to see grandpa this way.  He always looks so dazed and lost, like he’s here with us but at the same time he’s not.  Sometimes he’ll just sit there and stare off into space, frozen in his spot and not say anything for a really long time.

“Here, why don’t you feed him? Can you do that?” uncle Will suggested holding up a baby bottle filled with milk.

“Of course I can.” Said grandpa coming over.  As uncle Will went to get his coffee (blech!) grandpa came over and grabbed the bottle which made the baby chimp go crazy with hunger as he reached out for it.  As soon as it was in reach, he grabbed the bottle from grandpa’s hand and immediately began drinking it as fast as he could.

I dropped my fork and stared at him in awe.  I was told that babies always needed help being fed for at least several months and yet after just being born yesterday, he was feeding himself.

“Will, look at this.” Grandpa said as uncle Will came back into the kitchen and saw what we saw.  “How old is he? Like a day old, two days old?” Uncle Will sat down as he examined the baby chimp confused.

“Yeah.” Uncle Will said lowly as he kept his eyes on the baby chimp.

“Oh he’s a smart one isn’t he?” said grandpa as he came around and sat on the other side of the baby and gently placed his hand on top of his head.  “What are you gonna name him?”

“I—I don’t know.” Uncle Will said unsure.  That’s when I saw it.  Now I’m no monkey or ape expert but from pictures I’ve seen in books they normally have dark eyes, mostly brown but this little guy.  His eyes were green.

A green eyed baby chimpanzee.  One look into his eyes and I knew that he was something very special.

[francesderwent]

You know, to some degree It saddens me that you might be leaving Tumblr due to the "inherent dangers of social media", but as someone who is aware that 1. My "relationship" to you is deeply parasocial, while it's not the fake relationships described in Antica et Nova, it does fall in that commodification of relationships that Byung-Chul Han warns in no things 2. I've been also trying to quit the phone a bit more, in part because sometimes the addiction just becomes too evident but also your post of how you read 18 books during lent. (As non fiction recs that might fit your current interest: Cal Newport)

Not super sure what the purpose of this ask is, but I wanted say that you're probably right about leaving (even if we aren't admitting that to ourselves rn) and that (if I leave before you do) your thoughts and insights will be missed (you have very interesting opinions). However this last few days have proven to me that real life (and my real life community) is a bit to precious to not be living in it fully

I don’t want to seem like I’m dismissing everything that’s ever happened on here as bad or unimportant. I don’t love the parasocial label; I think we’re given to one another in different ways, and that doesn’t mean these ways can’t have a profound effect on us. I deeply value the relationships I’ve built on here. if I stay on tumblr it will be because of the specific people whose lives I’ve become oddly intertwined with. I don’t want to miss out on that.

so I want to still be here!! the question is whether I can be here in a more limited way, or whether the totalizing, addictive tendency of social media is going to force me into an all-or-nothing choice. the author of Stolen Focus said that after his long disconnected retreat from phone and internet which inspired the book, one of the permanent changes he made is that he spends six (nonconsecutive) months of every year totally off social media. that solution doesn’t satisfy me; it seems like a binge followed by a detox rather than actually well-ordered consumption. but is well-ordered consumption of social media possible?? I don’t know!!!

and then I’m left with the question of how not the scrolling, but my own posting affects my thinking. four or five years ago I gave up tumblr for lent for the first time ever, and all of a sudden out of nowhere I came up with the plots to two or three novels, when I hadn’t had a non-fanfiction creative idea since I was a teenager. I’ve been working on one of those ideas ever since—and though I’ve stalled a few times, I came up with several mind-blowing new additions to the world-building and plot during this year’s fast. and this year I gave up tumblr and instagram for the full forty days of Lent, without checking in on Sundays and without writing the ideas for posts in my phone notes—and now, all of a sudden, I’m writing a theology book. I’m terribly afraid that when I’m in the mode of posting I’m breaking my thoughts off at the point when they’re most easily digestible and rebloggable, so that even when I want to write something long-form, I can’t. I’m programmed to write posts. and I love writing a good post! but I don’t know if it’s worth it if I can’t ever finish my novel, you know?? I don’t know if it’s worth it if it contributed to the mental burnout which made me drop out of my PhD program. that’s terrifying. I want my brain back.

and finally, exactly like you said, real life is too precious. I want to be making plans with people, and hanging out with my siblings, and going for walks with my husband. and when, God willing, my husband and I have kids, I want to be capable of giving them my full attention! tumblr is less insidious than most social medias out there. but you still can’t fill up your life with tumblr. it’s not solid enough. you’ll end up empty.

you better believe when the next season of The Bear or the next Taylor Swift album comes out I’m going to be logged in SEATED for everyone’s meta. that’s a guarantee. but I haven’t figured out yet what to do in the everyday. it’s hard. I’m struggling. I’m reading so much because it’s hard and I’m struggling.

we’ll see what happens!