#my triggers just haven’t been affecting me as of late. lets see how long this lasts

[stuckinapril]

Been feeling the growing pains full force lately. Absolutely not perfect, but so much of the shit that used to make me feel anxious isn’t making me feel anxious anymore. Maybe it’s bc I’m at a period of my life where I’ve had the most freedom w how to structure my time, and it’s a transitional period of intense studying and commitment to so many things that are fairly new to me, but I could genuinely only liken it to staring into a flame for an hour and just feeling the brain fog clearing. It’s just been so much easier to put things into perspective lately. And I could confidently say that this is the most I’ve known myself & been unapologetically me. I’ve been trailblazing my own path as opposed to listening to other opinions, and it has never felt more right. It’s so hard to be swayed when for once I know exactly how I fit in the jigsaw

[endlessbittersweetdreams]

"Labor of Love" (Part 1)

SUMMARY: Jake and Lilah look forward to the impending birth of their baby girl. Also, they have an unexpected encounter with the last person they want to see. Continuation of “Broken & Beautiful.”

Part 2

PAIRINGS: Jake and Lilah; Will and Allison

TRIGGER WARNING: Read with caution! This part references Simone's grooming/abuse of Jake when he was a child. Nothing graphic or detailed.

SUNFLOWER DIVIDER: Firefly Graphics

     It’s March now, and I’m in my sixth month. Baby Maya is still doing well, and she still seems to have a fondness for being a night owl. I know some people may think I’m crazy, but I’m convinced that the reason why she’s especially active at night is because she knows that’s when she can have the full attention of her parents. From the moment we wake up in the morning, Jake and I are busy getting ready for the day. And while we’re bartending, we can’t exactly stop every five minutes to talk to her via my baby bump. So it’s at night, when we’re at home, that she seems to take advantage of the quietness. Jake laughs off my suspicions, of course. Whatever the reason, our little girl likes to throw a late-night party for one in my womb. Not that I’m complaining. I love feeling her move around. It means that she’s healthy and safe.

     According to my OB, I’m also healthy. Though I feel like my body is waging a war against me. The sixth month has ushered in a new set of pregnancy symptoms: heartburn, backaches, dizziness, leg cramps and hot flashes.

     Up until recently, I was never one to move around much during sleep hours. It used to be that I could fall asleep and maybe - once in a blue moon - switch positions once or twice. Now, thanks to my aching back and the occasional leg cramp, I just can’t seem to stay comfortable. I don’t know how Jake puts up with my tossing and turning. Thankfully, the leg cramps can be prevented by staying hydrated. I always make sure to keep a “go cup,” filled with water handy. The only thing is: I have to get up to pee more often. During the day, I can take advantage of a stool whenever I need to take pressure off of my aching back or if dizziness hits me. And at night, Jake and I have become experts at arranging the pillows so I can stay comfortable as long as possible.

     As far as the heartburn is concerned, I have to avoid some of my favorite foods. It’s been easy to part with spicy foods. But when my OB suggested avoiding chocolate and citrus, I just about hit the roof. I am a “chocoholic,” and sometimes my resolve begins to crumble whenever I see anything chocolate being paraded in front of me at the restaurant. On top of that, my favorite fruits happen to be oranges and lemons. On the rare occasion when I end up cutting lemons at the restaurant, and I catch a whiff of their scent, I have to remind myself of two things: (1) if I sneak a bite, I’m technically stealing from the restaurant; and (2) I’ll just pay for it later on. Curse you, heartburn!

     I wish I could say that my changing body and weight gain haven’t affected how I feel about my appearance. There are times when I absolutely love the way I look. If I’m wearing a cute maternity dress, and I have my hair just so, I feel confident. But then, there are those days when I want to avoid the mirror as much as possible. When that happens, Jake is quick to assure me that I’m still beautiful and desirable to him, bump and all. That sentiment is sweet, but it’s hard to feel that way sometimes. And let’s just say that my work clothes? They’re even less flattering, now that I have this belly.

     Jake and I managed to get out of bed early this morning, as we’ve chosen today to go shopping for a stroller and a crib. Thankfully, there’s a place nearby that sells baby gear. They also happen to deliver, which is an added benefit to having them close to where we live. Since our place is only a few blocks from the store, we’ve opted to walk home. Of course, there are certain smells that get to me. But it’s a nice morning, and I want to have a nice stroll with my husband.

     Jake and I take our time, walking side-by-side. “Well, that was a productive morning,” I comment, threading my arm through his. He makes a sound of agreement, and I smile to myself. “Just think. In three months, she’ll be here. Maybe by then, we’ll have a middle name picked out.”

     “I thought we agreed on Elizabeth.”

     “We did. But then, I realized that her initials would be M.E.H. You know, ‘meh’. Doesn’t convey the right message.” He chuckles. “I know! I know. I’m over-thinking things again. Maybe we’ll keep Elizabeth on the table.” I stop for a moment, thinking. I tend to lean toward the old-fashioned names, and so I suggest “What about Katherine?”

     “I thought we ruled that one out.”

     “We did?” I scrunch up my nose, scanning my memory banks. “I don’t think so.”

     “Yup. It was during our ‘Olivia, Elizabeth, Anne, Katherine, Jade’ debate.”

     “Really?” I roll my eyes. “I guess my pregnancy brain has struck again. Well, I guess we can revisit Katherine and Olivia.”

     “What about Jade?”

     I don’t particularly like that name, but Jake seems to favor it. And you know what they say about marriage: it’s important to make compromises. “All right. We can revisit Jade.”

     We pass by a bakery that happens to have its doors open, and the scent of freshly-baked bread wafts toward me. This, thankfully, is one of the few scents that doesn’t bother me. If anything, it makes my stomach growl. Loudly.

     “Sorry. Guess it’s that bread. Smells delicious,” I say with a blush.

     Jake laughs. “I’m a little hungry, too. What do you want?”

     My response is immediate. “Bagel. Plain cream cheese.”

     We break apart and, while Jake enters the bakery, I sit down on a nearby bench so I can rest my back. I look down at my belly and give it a light, affectionate rub. “What do you think, little one? Do you want to be ‘Maya Jade’ or ‘Maya Katherine’? How about this: one kick for Jade. Two for Katherine.” One kick. “Traitor,” I tease with a little laugh.

     My mirth soon comes to a screeching halt when I hear a familiar, feminine voice say to me “Hello, Lilah.”

     I close my eyes and cringe as chills run up my spine. I let out a steadying breath, open my eyes, and look up at the intruder. “Simone,” I greet cooly.

     She looks down at me, eyebrow raised. Damn! “I see you have a new addition on the way. Congratulations.”

     “Thank you.” I look in the direction of the bakery, but it’s too crowded to see my husband. Jake, where are you? Hurry up! I think to myself.

     “Well, I’m very happy to see that things are going so well for you.”

     “Thanks.” I have to get out of here. Pronto. “ Umm ... I hate to be rude, but I really should get going. I have to work in a few hours.” I make a move to stand up, hoping she’ll take the hint, and stop in my tracks when she speaks again.

     “Are you still in touch with Jake?” I roll my eyes up at the heavens and turn around to face her, trying to keep my expression neutral. “I know you two were close. I lost touch with Jake a while ago, and I’m wondering if he’s all right.”

     Not wanting to give away too much information, I keep things vague. “He’s fine. Now, if you’ll excuse me ...”

     I don’t know what to do. I want to get away from Simone; from the negativity and stress she’s making me feel. But I can’t just leave Jake behind. Especially without notice. Chewing on my lower lip, I try to work out what I should do. Deciding I should warn Jake, I duck into a nearby shop and pull my phone out of my purse. In a matter of moments, I’ve typed out my warning and sent it to him.

     Jake, S.O.S. Simone just showed up. She’s outside the bakery. She knows about the baby, and she asked about you. I’m hiding out in the flower shop nextdoor.

     I let out a long breath and run a hand over my belly, trying to calm down. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I begin to pace, hoping Jake will get my message in time. The florist asks if I’m all right, sharing a concerned glance with one of her customers. I give them both a nod and say “I’m fine.” I stay close to the window, looking out every now and then. Still no sign of Jake.

     “Is there anything I can help you with?” the florist asks.

     “No. I’m just waiting for my husband. Thank you.”

     The florist nods, seeming to accept my answer. “Would you like some water? I can bring out a chair, if you’d like to sit down.”

     “Water would be great. Thank you.”

     The florist approaches me a little while later, presenting me with a cold bottle of water. “Are you sure you don’t want a chair?”

     “I’m fine. Just wondering where my husband is,” I say, trying to play it off as a pregnant wife who’s feeling impatient. I take a few gulps of water and put the cap back on, pretending to be a potential customer. “These arrangements are lovely. Have you been in business long?”

     “Six years. If you don’t mind ... what are you having?”

     Rubbing my belly affectionately, I answer “A girl. She’s our first baby, and she’s due in June.”

     “Your first. How exciting!” She pauses for a moment. “May I offer you some free, unsolicited advice?” I nod. “Take as many pictures as possible. To this day, I regret not doing that with my children.”

     I give her a smile. “My husband is a photographer. I’m sure we’ll be up to our ears in pictures. I don’t know how many he’s taken of me and my bump.” I look out the window again, frowning when I see Jake. Seems he wasn’t able to sneak past Simone after all. “Umm ... I see my husband outside. Thank you for the water.” I open my wallet and pull out some money, intending to reimburse her, but she waves me off.

     “No need to worry about that. You just enjoy that baby of yours.”

     “I will. Thank you, Molly.”

     Bracing myself, I push open the door and step outside. As predicted, Jake’s reunion with Simone is a tense one. He is facing me, his expression stern. Simone, meanwhile, has her back to me. Seems my text message didn’t make a bit of difference. Either he didn’t have a chance to read it before he left the bakery, or he received it in time and decided not to hide out until Simone was gone. I’m not exactly thrilled about being near that woman again. Knowing what she did to Jake makes my skin crawl, and I don’t want her to try to weasel her way back into Jake’s life. But Jake needs my support, and I’m tired of hiding. And so, smoothing down my dress and squaring my shoulders, I step into what feels like Ground Zero. As I move closer, I can pick up on what Simone is saying.

     “I don’t understand you, Jake. Two years’ worth of silence. Because of what? Because I went back to Etienne? Because I chose to make a life for myself?” She shakes her head, making a single clucking sound with her tongue. “I’m disappointed in you, Jake. I thought that, with a little time, you’d come to your senses. I thought you were more mature than this.”

     Jake’s eyes narrow into a glare, his jaw clenching. If I’m going to make my move, it’s now. Without saying a single word to Simone, I step around her and take my place by Jake’s side. I reach out and take his hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He returns the gesture and then says “Simone, you remember Lilah ... my wife.”

     The petty side of me wishes I could take a picture of Simone, because her reaction is priceless. In all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never seen her flabbergasted.

     “Your wife?”

     “Yes. His wife.” I hold up my left hand to show her the simple white gold wedding band that graces my finger.

     Simone casts a look in Jake’s direction, and he simply stares back at her. “When did this happen?”

     “Last year,” Jake states with a smirk.

     “Oh! Well ... congratulations! I’m happy for you two.”

     “Are you?” Jake snarks back.

     She blinks at him, and she has the gall to act surprised. “Yes, Jake. Of course I am. I know we’ve had our differences, but I just want you to be happy.”

     “Really?” He shakes his head. “You want me to be happy? Is that why you tried to come between us?” He gestures between himself and yours truly. “Is that why you tried to put doubts in our heads?”

     “Jake, I --”

     “Don’t!" He leans toward Simone, looking her directly in the eyes. She seems to be intimidated by him now, and it’s a wonderful sight. For once, the manipulator seems to be backed into a corner. Jake keeps his voice low, but his anger comes through loud and clear. “Don’t deny it! Don’t try to twist things around! Don’t you fucking dare try to manipulate me again! For years, I let you get away with it because I was terrified that you’d write me off and abandon me. You knew that, and you used that to keep me under your thumb.”

     “Jake --”

     He lets go of my hand, and I watch while a few pedestrians give us strange looks as they pass by. “Whenever I came close to finding happiness apart from you, you did everything you could to take it away. You did that with my business plans, and I let you. You did the same thing when Lilah and I got together. That time, you failed because I love her ... and she loves me. And for once in my life, I feel safe.” Simone stares back at him, and Jake nods at her. “That’s right, Simone. I feel safe with Lilah. Do you know why? It’ because she doesn’t lie to me or manipulate me. All she has ever done is stand by me and love me. And you hate it because it means that I don’t need you anymore! It means can’t control me or keep me under your thumb! For once, I’m living my life the way I want to!”

     Simone stays silent this time. Maybe it’s because her shock has rendered her speechless, or maybe it’s because she knows better than to try to argue with Jake. He stays quiet for a while, taking a series of deep breaths. Then he looks around, and I watch him carefully as he leans even closer to Simone. What he says next seems to shake her to her very core.

     “And I remember what you did to me, Simone.” He nods at her, his pale skin flushed with anger. “That’s right. I don’t remember how young I was when it started, but it did happen. You can say that you were a child. But I was a child, and what you did to me ... It’s sick. You took whatever innocence I had left, and you twisted it and you degraded it. I don’t care that you were lonely. I don’t care that your parents didn’t pay attention to you. There’s no excuse for what you did to me. I trusted you, and you betrayed me.

     “Because of you, I’m damaged. Yes, my mother’s suicide messed me up. But you made life miserable for me. I don’t think I’ll ever be fixed. All I know is this: I’m better off without you. And I’ll be damned if I let you back into my life. This time, I don’t just have myself to look after. I have a wife ... and we have a child on the way. And there’s no way in Hell that I will ever let you near us again. They mean everything to me. And you? You are nothing. Stay away from me. Stay away from us. If you come near us again, you won’t be walking away.”

     The staredown lasts for what seems like an eternity until Simone backs down. Jake straightens up, takes a few steps back, and gently grabs my hand. He watches Simone for a few seconds longer, giving her a warning glare, and then walks with me in the direction of our apartment. We’re only a short distance away from our building, and Jake casts a glance behind us every now and then to make sure Simone isn’t following us. We reach our building and, when we’re certain she’s long gone, use our key to open the main door. We make our way up the stairs to the second floor and stop outside apartment 2A. It’s only now, as Jake fumbles with his key, that I see that his hands are shaking.

     “Here. Let me.”

     I gently take the key from him and insert it into the lock, turning it to the left. Another half-turn to the right, and I pull the key out of the lock. We step inside and Jake closes the door, leaning against it with a heavy sigh. After setting the key down in the dish on the table by the door, I step forward and reach out to him. Because of my belly, I can’t give him a full-frontal hug like I used to. Instead, I wrap an arm around him and lean against him, my head resting on his shoulder. The palm of his left hand is pressed against the small of my back, while his other hand rests on my belly.

     “Are you okay?” I ask, listening as his breathing slows down to a normal pace.

     He breathes out a sigh and kisses the top of my head, breathing in my scent. “I’ll be okay. What about you? Are my girls okay?”

     “Yeah. We’re fine. I’m sorry she ambushed you. I thought that if I went into the bakery, I’d lead her straight to you. That’s why I texted you and hid out in that flower shop. I didn’t know what else to do.”

     “Hey. It’s not your fault. You and I both knew she’d show up again.” He pauses for a few seconds. “I needed it. I had to tell her what she did to me. She’ll probably never stop making excuses. But ... I think it’s safe to say she’s out of our life for good.”

     We pull apart and face each other, and I reach out to touch his face. Stroking his cheek with my thumb, I say “I know what happened back there wasn’t easy for you, but I’m proud of you. I always am.”

     He kisses the palm of my hand, and I can feel him smile against it. Then he leads me over to the sofa, where we eat our pastries in comfortable silence.

@anastacia-lynn

@mypsychoticlove

[popitdontdropitwrites]

"New Invention" Engineer/Medic - Chapter 11

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,

❗ This is a sequel to Mx. Sinister. Events may not make sense if you have not read that fic.

CW: This one is a dark one. It touches upon potentially triggering and upsetting topics. (Gaslighting, past medical trauma, manipulation, emotional pain so on so forth.) Tread carefully, or avoid reading if you have to.

“Sit down, Joseph.” Dell said, his fingers impatiently tapping against the table, betraying the patient, worried expression on his face. “There’s a little somethin’ we’ve got to talk about.” He let out a long, tired sigh. “…I think you know what it is.”

“I have a feeling, yes.”

Joseph, by all accounts, had slept wonderfully, but now that he was awake, he longed to fall into the world of dreams, where nothing could harm him, not even this. His legs resisted every step, demanding that he stop and turn around before it was too late, but despite it all, he made it to the table. He stood uncomfortably behind his seat with his hands resting on the backrest, looking towards his partner, begging for an end to this oppressive, dreadful quiet between them. Silver eyes, once dull with endless kindness, had been set alight with a dangerous, volatile gleam, further stressed by the heavy bags under his eyes, as if he had not slept at all.

It had been made more than clear; Joseph would be the one doing the talking, the justifying, the repenting. “This is about Misha, isn’t it?” How long had he spent with that name on the very tip of his tongue, on the very precipice of being spoken? It flowed out oh so naturally now, as if he had uttered it hundreds of times before and would soon be spoken thousands more.

Dell continued to stare, the shapes and colours of his pupils becoming too much to bear, as if they were closing in on him, entrapping him in chains. “This is all about him.”

“I thought you would have been happy for me. You must have known that my memory was – and still is – affected… does it really bring you no joy to see me coming back to my former self?”

“Not when you’re thinkin’ about another man.” The tapping stopped, and its absence was almost as hurtful as the Texan’s growl. “You’ve been drawin’ him all night and day, fawnin’ over him like you’re sweet on him… and you say you don’t understand why I’m losin’ my temper?”

“He’s merely my friend! I am allowed to have that, aren’t I?” He snapped back. “But then again, I suppose not, seeing as you didn’t even think to remind me that Misha existed.”

“It was better that way ‘cause I didn’t have to stay awake at night worryin’ that he’d take you from me.”

“Dell, please, it’s not like that and you know it.”

“You think I’m crazy, do ya?” The Engineer’s grip on the table tightened, drawing a pained groan from the wood. “You’d run off with him in a heartbeat, I can see it in your eyes.”

“I love you too much to throw it all away with someone else!” He pleaded, the accusation hitting him under the skin, deep into a nerve like the head of a well-aimed arrow.

“Then just forget about him. He doesn’t deserve you.” Dell stood up tall, meeting his level, his posture tense with almost animalistic rage, as if he could lunge at any moment.

Joseph doubled down, despite his every instinct begging him to simply submit. “I… I haven’t seen him in months, Dell. I can’t hurt him like that any longer.”

“Oh, ain’t that cute, you don’t wanna hurt him. Let me tell you a secret, darlin’, he hurt you.”

His heart fell into his guts, kicking and screaming on the way down. “I know him. He could never do so much as lay a finger on me. You can’t say the same.”

“You don’t wanna go there, boy. Don’t you dare make this about me.” He warned him through both gravelly tone and austere expression that such a terrible assault would not go unreciprocated.

“Or what, Dell, you’ll pump me so full of drugs that I can’t sleep? Or maybe you’ll rip both of my arms off this time?”

A crackling, crunching sound erupted from the gunslinger as it crushed the corner of the table, the shards passing through its robotic fingers like dust. Dell did not seem to notice, not even when a flighty gasp escaped Joseph’s lips. “Everythin’ I’ve done was for your own good!”

“Tell me how the totally unethical and lest I forget, completely unmedicated amputation was for my own benefit? There were so many risks and potential complications, but you did it anyway, without training, without anything at all but your own ego to guide you.”

“I was fixin’ you!”

“I am not one of your fucking machines! I am a human being; I don’t need to be fixed.”

“Joseph, you’re not hearin’ me. He was the one to break ya in the first place.”

“I’m not going to allow you to fill my head with lies again. I—I am not turning against the man who has done nothing but help me!”

“I don’t care what you think you remember, but let me tell ya, you’re wrong about him.”

He swallowed thickly, his throat closing up. “There is a lot still missing, but I remember Misha completely – his laughter, his smile, his voice, it’s all there. Not once did he harm me in all of our years together.”

“Darlin’, it’s not me who’s lyin’, it’s that pretty little head of yours.” He said. “You don’t remember, do ya?”

“Remember what, exactly?”

His gaze lost its firmness in favour of an inexplicable sentimentality, but the latter was far more frightening due to the pity hidden in his glistening sclera. “That damned hospital.”

He blinked, once, twice, static undulating behind his eyes, cold, dry, and hypnotically dull like the depths of space. Faintly, from a distant star, he recalled the pricks of needles, the fizz of dissolving, bubbling powder on his tongue, the metallic taste of tools, all of which promised an end to his pain.

“You kicked, screamed and begged, but it didn’t matter. Misha dragged you right to ‘em, right where he wanted you; in a cage, like some kind of fuckin’ animal.”

Joseph weakly stumbled back, his body colliding with the wall, slowly shrinking towards the ground, unable to fight back against remembrance’s onslaught of voices, yellowed and faded with age, bouncing between his ears, distorted, and muffled, as if he were drowning. Faceless men asked him the same old questions, designed to probe, and poke at his fracturing, splitting mind, to name the monster running rampant in his head in hopes of someday leashing it, or perhaps, killing it altogether.

“He told ya that you were sick in the head. He couldn’t see that you’re different, just… curious.”

Tears welled in his eyes, threatening to spill as a beautiful, vivid sound pierced the low rumble of men, the hum of machines and the wails of patients through the mazelike, spiralling halls. Drip, drip, drip – seductively thick, ruby droplets, the very essence of life carved from the flesh, the only beauty in that hell of soothing greens. And oh, the feeling of them falling against his tongue, so delicious and so flavourful compared to the gruel they served him. 

“He tried to kill ya then, usin’ the hands of doctors and nurses to shove drugs down your throat until you lost everythin’ that made you brilliant.” 

It all came back to him in blinding, brilliant colours, as if the sun were exploding before his eyes, causing the first of many tears to fall on his lip. The taste was tangy like that of the gloved digits pressed against the sensitive tissue of his throat, forcing his burning muscles to swallow down his new pernicious regimen of medicine, hoping to remedy the previous’ meagre results.

“And the worst part? He never visited. You’d cry for him every damned night, thinkin’ your tears could bring him back, but he was always too afraid of what he’d see.”

He sobbed loudly and uglily, with only the coarse kiss of fabric to stifle his screams and hungrily drink his tears; an inadequate substitute for the comfort of another’s shoulder, but the only option in that cold, lonely eternity. The sound and sensation of breath passed through him, rattling and stuttering, as if he were dying, but the sun rose as it always did, beaming from behind the curtains, mocking him from afar, for it had the moon to keep it company.

“They kept you there for years, toiling away in one of their partner’s factories as cheap, disposable labour under the pretence of rehabilitation. The money was just a number, slowly risin’ by the hour. You were just interested in passin’ the time like everybody else.”

Eyes, grey and unrelenting like the metal components he assembled into meaningless shapes bore down upon him, judging his pitiful, grief-stricken form. Joseph worked without complaint, his hands blistered, reddened and clammy from the suffocating skin of his gloves, passing finished parts along to the next man in line. The occasional defective component arose from the man before, who was perhaps too tired, or too delusional to recognise his mistake and though most discarded them, Joseph instead filled his pockets with them – New toys, made of jagged edges and sharp malformations, engraved with stimulatingly rough lettering: Conagher Robotics.

“Somehow, after who knows how darn long, you passed their assessments and met their criteria, all of which had seemed impossible once. They deemed you of sound mind – whatever that meant and sent you on your way.”

He collapsed entirely, just as he had done at Misha’s feet on that day, wailing and fighting to breathe through the bittersweet agony. He was lifted into the car and delivered into a carriage of novel sounds – the crunch of gravel under wheels, the distorted songs of the radio, the purr of an engine and the long-forgotten voice of his best friend. The fantastical colours of the world that had gone on without him failed to seem real in that moment, as if it had all been a dream and he would soon wake up in his cot in a pool of his own tears.

“Misha took ya home, looked after you even, and made sure you weren’t gonna start hurtin’ nobody. And then… you slowly picked yourself back up. You found yourself a job, a proper place to live, and ways around that mind of yours, all the while forgettin’ who had sent you to hell in the first place.”

Dell’s hand wiped his tears, a cruel mockery of the happiness he had shed when he was given the power to forge a pleasant, reinvigorating routine with his own two hands. He worked as a nurse – something he did with a smile – occasionally visited his doctor for a progress report, saw Misha each and every week – the highlight of it all – and slept soundlessly, with dreams of love fluttering about his exhausted mind. But there was something… someone more, cut out of the picture, unable to fit.

“It didn’t last, ‘cause nothin’ ever goes right for you, does it?”

His breath hitched, stifling a scream, the same scream that had been bubbling in his throat when shadows scuttled in the dark of his apartment, breathing down his neck with his belongings in their claws. With them, came the stifling presence of malaise in the place he called home, like a poison leaking from the mind, birthing paranoia, and delusion – madness itself.

“You got sick,” He spat the word out, repulsed by it. “And you tried desperately to hide it, knowin’ it’d only cause you trouble. But Misha found out and it was different this time around. He was angry, angrier than you’ve ever seen him.”

“Stop it, please, Dell, stop. I can’t—”

“—One day, you both drove right past the hospital. He didn’t think to tell you why.” His pleas fell on deaf ears, becoming nothing but noise to be talked over. “He stopped the car and told ya to get out. You walked for a little while, into the fields and it got real quiet all of a sudden. There was somethin’ about his eyes, that just screamed at you to run… but you weren’t fast enough.”

Images, broken, muddled, blurred, and bloodied crossed his mind far too quickly to be caught, like fireflies in a storm. Screams, dissected and rearranged, split across his temples, in tones shrill enough to be his own. The taste of copper melded with that of the dirt, and of primal, unimaginable fear – the fear of death. The moon hung above him, its face twisted and bloated into a smile in his withering, shrivelling memory, reflected in the eyes of the man pursuing him.

“And then, he ripped you apart, like a broken toy.”

His heart wailed in his chest, the metal remembering the violent, lamentable end of its predecessor as it too, was torn apart, this time by betrayal’s powerful, merciless hands. He had been a glorious fountain of life, gushing blood and living tissue until he had nothing more to give, but in this moment, he transformed into a hideous outpour of death, wailing, screaming, gasping to breathe. The pain, too unfathomably tremendous to comprehend then, was somehow equally as devastating now. He begged to be returned to the world below, his fists pounding against the tiles again and again until warm, reassuring blood ran over his skin.

“Why—” He rasped, shaking hands clawing at the ground to find purchase. “Why did you bring me back?” He choked, a fresh flood of tears spilling from him, like gushes of blood from an open wound.

“Because you deserve to be here, safe from him.” Dell crouched down to him, holding both of his hands, his warmth as oppressive as it was comforting.

“I… I don’t want to live without him.” Somehow, through the hiccupping, choking, and gasping, the words made it, scarred, and dismembered, but still comprehendible. “What r-reason do I have if he wants me dead?”

He was held tighter and Dell’s tone, once rough and cold, melted into total and utter love, like the stinging, yet kind touch of healing. “You have me, Joseph. I love you, and I always will.”

That phrase, rich with meaning, turned to dust upon leaving the Texan’s lips. “I-I just want him, even—” He bared his teeth, tasting salt on his tongue. “Even after everything he has done. I… I must truly be mad.” He laughed pathetically, the sound a wet, bubbling gurgle. “But I can’t have him, can I? I may as well just ask for death!” He cackled, emptying his lungs until he heaved. “Would you be so kind?”

The Engineer stopped in place, the loving strokes of his fingers ceasing as he processed that enormous, unthinkable request. His lashes fluttered, the paleness of horror spreading across his face, like a curtain of clouds parting to reveal the alabaster surface of the moon, only its smile had long since died. “Oh, darlin’…” He breathed, pulling him in for a hug, granting him the shoulder he had been so desperate for. “I don’t want you to suffer anymore, but that… that ain’t the way to do it.” His voice cracked, as if he too, had begun to weep. “I can take the pain away, all I need is for you to ask.”

“Help me, Dell. Please…”

A hiss sounded from the cables in his neck, and slowing, slowing, like wax cooling as it ran down the side of a candle, his consciousness faded, a mere whisper in the wind to be carried away. Dell lifted him into his arms, planting a shaky kiss on his forehead, promising him an end to his pain at last; one final procedure.

[beemybella]

A Soft Place to Fall

Angst, one-shot. Darlin visits Gabe's grave and confides in him. David was there. !! Trigger warnings: grief, mention of traumatic events, negative self-talk. Reposting because the tags weren't working

---

Tones of pearl and soft blues filled the sky where the sun didn't yet touch. The day was still awakening but Darlin had spent all night without sleeping, staring at the ceiling, listening to music, or even weight lifting, doing everything they could think of to cancel out the intrusive thoughts, but nothing they did seemed to work.

A cold breeze whispered on their neck, telling their hands to embrace the cold body. It reminded them of the same whisper they felt when first leaving the apartment, still wondering where to go.

“Hey, Gabe… Surprised to see me?” with a raspy voice. You could see the air escaping through their mouth as they spoke. Their hands were in their pockets; they wore a black hoodie with black jeans and dark sunglasses. Darlin was never someone to care much about fashion, most of the time they grabbed whatever was closer and felt comfortable on their skin, and was black.

“I know I haven’t come here for a good while. Life has been really chaotic lately,” they knew whatever they were trying to say was only an excuse to the real reason. It was almost as if they disliked coming here, maybe it was too insensitive to admit it out loud, but Darlin didn't like the idea of Gabe being now only a place on the ground, a rock that could only stay still. It felt so wrong to see him that way, they wanted to remember the man he was, the wolf they ran with, but grief takes many forms, and Darlin was fighting with one of them. “I couldn't sleep. I felt tired, but my mind wouldn't shut up, so I came here,” did they skip a few steps as to why they came to see him, you wonder. 

You had come here after long work with a client that lasted more than you’d have wanted it to, what you didn't expect was anyone to be here. Darlin sighed, looking at their feet, and continued. “A lot has happened. I’m not sure if anyone has told you already, but Dahlia has been through a fucking nightmare. I can imagine someone has already been here crying and rambling about everything,” Their words tasted bitter, it’s not like they were actively trying to be mean, their emotions were all over the place and the lack of sleep didn’t help their humor. “But I wouldn't blame them… You’ve always been there for everyone… Even tried to be there for me,” slower and quietly now, they spoke.

“I didn’t think it would affect me this much, you know? I wasn't there and yet I can’t put it behind my back, I can’t pretend it didn't happen. I feel sick just thinking about it…

“Going over to Sam’s place that day was healing, in a way, but everything felt more real after that,” they frowned. “I don’t fucking know how to deal with this. I can’t ignore it, everyone will think I’m an asshole if they didn't already, but that’s the only way I know how to go about things, that’s the way that gets me through shit,”

The silence was as heavy as their frown now, Darlin could only hear the birds in the trees waking up and the grass dancing with the wind. Their thoughts went to the flower store lady at the entrance and the cat laying on the ground, grooming its little paws. The werewolf didn't stop to buy anything, they hadn’t brought any money with them, now they kinda wish they did, it would have been a good opportunity to change topics.

“I wish I was a cat,” attempting to lighten the mood. “No worries, only eating and sleeping,” They let out a deep sigh, scratching the back of their neck. “It’s weird talking to you like this. I heard a few people saying it helps, but it doesn’t feel like that. I’m not talking to you, I’m… Talking to a rock… But I guess that’s what I wanted, to not bother anyone,” shit, they thought, letting the truth slip like a kid in the snow.

The recently cut hair brushes on their neck, they cut it even shorter this time, and the sensation is still weird after so many months of skipping it. You notice the redness on their cheeks and nose by now as they extend their neck. “They should have worn something warmer,” you say under your breath, without realizing how closer to them you had gotten.

“I thought it was a waste of time going to that event. ‘Why would I go to that stupid event, watch people use their powers, and get praised for existing?’, you know?” they face down, “I was stupid,”

It’s not their fault, they could have never guessed something so horrific would happen, and it’s not like Darlin being there would have prevented it either. Why don’t you tell them that, why won’t your body move? You watch as they sit on the ground, crossed legs and elbows on their knees; nostalgia takes over you and now they look like the small kid alone in the forest, talking to a dying tree, the one you use to stare at, like a painting.

You are so close to them and yet so distant. They could probably smell you if they were paying enough attention, or maybe the place itself already has your smell all over, from the countless days and nights you used to spend here.

“I’m bounded to Quinn, Gabe…”, your heart shrank and burnt in your chest, wanting to escape through your mouth. You didn't expect Darlin to say this. “He and I crossed teeth–” Your vision got dark and everything around went quiet, your heartbeat was on your ears, beating faster every second.  “I can sense him … “... he can most likely feel the same … “You said he was bad news … I wanted him to be … “, the more time I spent with him … I saw–” you try to keep in control. “... reporting him … Dump didn't do shit, as usual … “… he found out, “...my friend,”

You finally get a hold of yourself when Darlin shifts in their movement. The curve of their back was more prominent now as if the weight of the world was on their shoulders. Darlin couldn't take it anymore, the more they said the blurrier their vision got. So they let it rain, tired rivers made paths across their face and sweaty palms built bridges. You made room for Darlin’s melody.

“I don’t know what to do, Gabe. I’m falling apart every day and night… No amount of holding me could keep me from breaking now. I don’t know what is going to happen when Quinn comes back if he ever does… Will I live forever in fear of that happening? I thought I was strong enough to handle it but the only strong thing here is my body, I can only fight… I,” nails crave in their cheeks, with a trembling body, “I don’t know what to do with myself,”

The sun was gently covering them with warmth, like a mother embracing their baby, a nostalgic feeling long forgotten, a soft place to fall, that was Gabe now, they realize. The image makes you want to do the same, embrace them until the pressure of your stronger arms is greater than their pain.

They wipe the remains of dry tears, and get up from the ground, breathing in the cold air, once again. “I’m sorry. Next time I’ll bring you flowers, dad,” placing their hand on Gabe’s engraved name, before walking away.

You finally get closer to where Darlin was, smelling the trail they leave behind as they disappear in the fog.

“I wish you’d talk to me, I could try to help…” you whisper, wishing you’d someday yell it to them, loud enough for them to hear it and never doubt it. “If only you weren’t so stubborn,” David sighs “Loving you hurts, my darling,”

[babylyctor]

can John actually control time or am i making things up? trying to reach a conclusion via tumblr posting

so as a theory this is 75% vibes. however there’s some things in the books that give me pause, and i wanted to put together all those bits and see if there’s something there. i’m not totally on board with this idea because it seems too complex to leave entirely to the last book, and i don’t know how it could fit with the rest of the narrative (or do i?) but in any case i keep thinking about it so here’s this way too long post. spoliers for everything

first, this fucking suspicious sentence that’s one of the first things John tells Harrow (Chapter 2, HtN)

"I would let you come back, bit by bit, until you felt entirely ready to wake up. I can’t. I mastered Death, Harrowhark; I wish I’d done the smarter thing and mastered Time. I have to ask you to get ready soon, and so I am going to show you something I hope might … trigger your readiness.”

so this sounds like a really dull complaint on this immortal god’s part but also i don’t trust a single thing out of this man’s mouth, and this would be the exact kind of private joke he would make if he had actually mastered Time (capitalized) too. Also the context in which it’s said, talking about Harrow coming back from her coma, regaigning consciousness, awakening... you get it, oddly relevant theme wise.

then there’s the whole Soup Moment (Chapter 25, HtN), in which John seems to actually stop time maybe? i have doubts about this so lets see what our narrator tells us;

And God said, “Stop.”

The world slowed down. Augustine and Mercymorn stopped, arrested in the act of half-rising from their seats. Ianthe stopped, left arm paused, outflung, to shield her face. You stopped, sitting upright in your chair: your bones somehow rigid and still, and your flesh chilly and rigid around those bones. The shrapnel spray from the Saint of Duty did not stop, [...] But what remained of him stopped too, half man, half rupture—his prurient details hot and white, naked insides clothed with the sinus-drying burst of the power of God.

so here John freezes all the lyctors in place, they’re still conscious, or at least Harrow is, but they have their range of movement almost totally restricted. this is not like Mercy pinching Harrow’s dorsal nerve to paralyze her, this is a completely different feeling, maybe John’s thalergetic powers? it would make sense, all the lyctors are living bodies, they have thalergy and Johs is able to manipulate that, presumably. the bits of Gideon OG cascading down the table don’t stop but that might be John selectively using his powers, or it might be that that’s no longer living flesh.

so we’re saying this could just be John’s super special thalergy magic and nothing else. the first problem though is that technically he shouldn’t be able to use it against his lyctors without touching them, thanks to lyctoral invisibility. in fact when he explodes Mercy’s chest (rip in peace queen) he expressely reaches out and touches her to do so, because presumably he needs to make contact with a body in order to use magic against it, same as Mercy. so that’s a caveat, then there are these descriptions from the same Soup Moment;

You stared down the table at him: at the blank, remote faces of your two nominal teachers—at the frozen ivory stillness of Ianthe, her hair now whitish pink—at space outside the window, where the asteroids themselves seemed to hang in tranquilized arrest.

The Emperor of the Nine Houses stood. The spell, whatever it had been, dropped like a white sun setting.

These seem to imply certain ambiguity. John’s God and all that but i don’t think thalergetic magic should be able to affect asteroids, lifeless space rocks. of course it says they “seem” to hang in tranquilized arrest, not that they are really unmoving, but i think it’s a suggestive sentence all the same, and i’m suspicious of every word Muir writes. The second quote, specifically the highlighted part, is also a bit frustrating. It seems to imply that John isn’t exactly doing magic as we know it, but something else. If it was Harrow narrating we could go further with it, but since it’s Gideon we could simply attribute it to her lack of knowledge and familiarity with magic. However, two sentences after that we don’t have that problem;

The construct gamely clamberign our of the Saint of Duty dwindled to a powder of pink dust. The shard you had been driving up the cervical vertebrae to the base of the spine [...] simply disappeared: destroyed or removed, you could not tell.

This is still Gideon narrating but in this case she’s specifically telling us that Harrow doesn’t understand what John just did, it’s not magic Harrow is familiar with. There’s also the contrast between what we know is a normal process of destroying a construct - reducing it to dust -  vs this mysterious disappearance, that doesn’t really fit into what we know so far about the way thanergy/thalergy work.

so far, nothing conclusive, we know John is really powerful, but we don’t know exactly how, where his power comes from or what it can do. Then there’s the moment he unexplodes himself (Chapter 52, HtN);

White light.

It bleached the insides of your nose and the back of your throat. It hurt coming out your ears. It bled out your eyeballs. It wasn’t a flash of light, more … a suddenness; when it was gone—as though it hadn’t even existed, but had been a luminous hallucination—time stopped.

That light took colour from the room—everyone was a slow-motion cavalcade of greys, of eyes caught widening, of mouths parting in stone-shaded articulations of shock.

It happened in an instant. It happened over a myriad. A wet red construct knitted itself back together, [...]

again that white light that has been associated with thalergy magic and again all these references to time slowing down, stopping or just behaving in strange ways in general. again lots of ambiguity, this could be a thalergy based power - the ability to hold living bodies in stasis, and therefore make everyone feel like time has slowed down - or it could be that John is actually affecting time, maybe even reversing it (?) since he literally un-exploded himself, after Mercy put all her millenia of expertise into atomizing him and reducing him to almost nothing.

is that even explicable with regular thanergy/thalergy based magic? i’m not sure, a regular necro could never do that, a lyctor couldn’t do that. So if John isn’t just an overpowered lyctor what’s the difference exactly? i mean, how do his powers manifest differently from those of every other necromancer we know?

the other person we’ve seen using powerful thalergy magic is Silas. Whenever he siphoned, Gideon describes a similar vacuum sensation to the one that John’s magic also provokes, as well as white light;

As he faded, the pale Silas incandesced. He glowed with an irradiated shimmer, iridescent white, and the air began to taste of thunder. (Chapter 17, GtN)

Gideon felt an internal tug, like a blanket being pulled off in the cold. (Chapter 17, GtN)

Silas clambered to his knees, clasped his fingers together, and the feeling of suction popped the pressure in both of Gideon’s ears. (Chapter 34, GtN)

Silas is nowhere near as powerful as John but siphoning - thalergy based magic, condemned by God - still causes that suction effect and is marked by white light and lightning, just like John’s magic. However, there’s no mention of a time altering effect, no slowing down, no freezing in place, and seeing how both kinds of magic are similarly coded otherwise i find this difference suspicious.

To end this somewhere, two quotes, first, this thing Harrow tells Ortus when they both discuss what it must be like to be a lyctor (Chapter 5, HtN);

“Nigenad, what would be the tragedy in living for a myriad? Ten thousand years to learn everything there is to know [...] What is the tragedy of time?”

honestly to me that sounds like Muir making Harrow say things she will regret later. of course it could be about any of the numerous tragedies in Harrow life but still, gave me pause, specially because it kinda echoes John’s earlier sentiment, wishing he had mastered Time.

finally, a quote that might be totally meaningless and completely off base in this theory or it could round it up perfectly, i haven’t decided yet;

[...] ; yet you prayed all the while knowing Ianthe’s facility for tergiversation would have given the whole universe pause. (Chapter 36, HtN)

we know Ianthe is a girlboss and gaslighting is her thing. However, isn’t this sentence a bit too dramatic to describe Ianthe? doesn’t it sound kinda ominous to you? it definitely does to me, and although it might totally be my Ianthe bias wanting her to play an important part, who is Ianthe hanging out with lately? exactly John God “Jod” the Emperor.

in conclusion, i haven’t reached any conclusion. but i still think there’s something off with John’s powers beyond what we’ve been told, which isn’t much really, and i think there’s something going on with Time within the narrative (that’s another whole post though), and i think these two things are most probably related. but i can’t say i’m 100% sure of any of it. this was fun though. if you made it here thank you so much you’re the best <3

[airplanned]

All the Trashy Novels Part 30

This was fun, y’all.  Thanks for humoring me!

Part 1...Part 29

***

She spent four days mostly standing in front of the Goddess statue, trying to glow without requiring something inappropriate to trigger it.  She could now get it every single time with very minimal effort, but that effort was usually Link coming up behind her and placing a kiss where her neck met her shoulder, or trailing his fingers from the inside of her elbow to her wrist.  And suddenly her skin was lit up like a camp fire, a fuzzy pleasure brushing over her like a thin blanket.  It was embarrassing and frustrating, but at least she could trigger it without an orgasm and could hold her luminous state for long stretches once she got it going.

"That's true," Link agreed.  He'd taken a seat on the ground with his arms resting on his bent knees.  "You just need to work on not making that face."

Zelda huffed, her arms flopping to her sides and her glow spluttering out.  "I'm trying!"

The problem was that now that she'd allowed herself to feel affection for Link, she always felt a little giddy and ridiculous when she did so.  Apparently, this manifested not only in a divine luminescence, but also in a love-struck look on her face.  Link referred to it as "bedroom eyes" when he was being polite, and "fuck me face" when he wasn't.  He'd taken a bunch of pictures to show her, and he was (annoyingly) correct.  She could not make that face in public.

"Maybe you'd look less sultry if you closed your eyes," he said.

"Then I wouldn't be able to see anything!"

"Can you use your Goddess powers to see things?"

"I can use my Goddess powers to glow!  They don't do anything else!"

"Are they supposed to?"

"I don't know!"

"Try it."

She closed her eyes and tried it.  She remembered the warm pressure in her chest and she remembered the heat of his breath on her skin and she thought about how he he'd made her a tiny little cake the night before and then blushed as she'd gushed over it.  Those were things that she liked about him.  Those were good things, and she felt a way about them.

The glow didn't light.  

Why not?  Those had made her feel things.  She felt things.  Things for Link.  She took another breath and pushed into less appropriate territory, of the way he'd wrapped around her back the night before and let his hands wander until she was moaning with abandon and glowing, burning.

"You got it?"  His hands came to rest on her hips, and her eyes popped open as she lit up.

Goddess, she hated that he could do that. She batted the thought away, and held tighter to her lust.  Goddess, she liked his hands on her.

He looked taken aback, almost awed.  Even though he was expecting it.  Even though he'd seen it dozens of times now.  

Part of why she needed to get her face under control was that it affected Link so.

He swallowed hard.  "Close your eyes.  Let's see if that...oh."  His voice turned rough.  "Oh, that's so much worse."

He pulled her in at the waist and kissed her desperately.

#

Link made himself scarce as she wrote up her field notes.  She had very little to write.  She'd made very little progress.

In frustration, she tossed her journal away.  She would just have to have Link come touch her when he was done battling Ganon.  Maybe he could magically poke her with his index finger as if she were the Sheikah slate.  And they most likely would evacuate the area, so it wouldn't matter if she had on her come-hither face.  Link would just have to deal with not making out with her for however long it took to seal the Calamity away.  And who cared if she made a face?  If making a face saved the world, no one would be allowed to say anything.

Except Zelda cared.  She didn't want to look ridiculous, and she didn't want to rely on Link to access her own powers.  She glared at her journal.

Where was Link anyway?

She stomped off to go glare at him.  Or go have him be gentle and compassionate until she had too much trouble holding onto her irritation.

She found him before the Goddess statue, his head bowed, the sword drawn with its tip resting against the ground.

She frowned harder.  "Are you praying?" she asked.

He startled and spun around.  "Oh.  Yeah.  Um.  You haven't been praying lately, so I've had to...pray by myself."

An old, familiar hurt settled over her. Of course he was on such good terms with the Goddess, when she was...she was...

She was working on her relationship with the Goddess.  She understood that maybe it was all a big misunderstanding, but that didn't mean it didn't still hurt, and it didn't mean she wasn't still upset that she couldn't fully access her powers without the help of someone the Goddess liked.

Link looked nervous, as if he knew she was about to shout at him again.  Guilt lanced at her stomach.  She lowered her eyes and stepped near him.  

"What do you pray for?" she asked quietly.

"Um.  Nothing?"

She snorted.  "You pray for me."

He didn't say anything, which confirmed it.

"Show me," she said.  She turned him back to face the Goddess, and slipped her way into his arms, her back to his chest.  She placed her hands over his as they planted the sword to the ground.

He held himself stiff with discomfort, but then relaxed his arms under hers and lowered his head.  "Close your eyes," he murmured.  

Well, this was her idea.  She closed her eyes and lowered her head.

"I pray for you to have some guidance," he said.  "Because you desperately want to please her, and you want to do it right, but all you have to go on are rumors and what you're ordered to do by people who don't know what they're doing either.  I pray for some sign that you're on the right path.  Not because I want to know, because I know you'll get there.  But for you.  You need assurance or your self-doubt eats at you, and there's no way that self-doubt will save Hyrule.

"And I pray for you to be happy.  Because you're beautiful when you're sad and you're beautiful when you're angry, but I would die to see you smile.  To hear you laugh.  The way you carry yourself when you're at ease, the excited way you talk when you catch onto something new.  That light in you could light the whole world.  It could burn away the Calamity."

"You're a charmer," she murmured.

"You're a peach."

She snorted.  "You don't pray like I do."

"Yeah?"

"I wouldn't tell the Goddess all that."

"Why not?"

Why not?  "Because she already knows?"

"But maybe she wants to hear you say it."

"She wants me to wax poetic about a girl?" she teased.

"Wax poetic about what you love."

"Love is a strong word."

"And you're asking for a powerful weapon."

Her eyebrows furrowed.  In a small voice she asked, "What should I pray for?"

He thought for a moment.  "Why do you want to save Hyrule?"

"Because it's my--" 

Duty.

She startled.  The answer had rolled off her tongue.

Anxiety she couldn't name clawed at her chest.  She shifted uncomfortably.  Maybe standing like this had been a bad idea.

"She'd like to hear you say it."

Her breath shook.  "I want to save my people.  My friends.  Urbosa and Revali and Mipha and Daruk.  They're so devoted and encouraging.  If they fell, then their people would suffer.  All the brilliance of our people would falter, all compassion and the triumphs.  The wonderful art and music and literature--"

"Even the bad literature."

"Especially the bad literature!  And the bad music!  All the ridiculous rumors, and the guards who devour those rumors, and all the fake girlfriends out there.  We would lose all of that!  And as shameful as it is, I would fight for those things."

"What else would you fighting for?"

"The Sheikah technology.  You don't know the victory you feel when two pieces snap together.  The thrill when a guardian lights blue under my hands.  The way Robbie nods along when I ramble and then picks up my thoughts and runs with them, taking them somewhere new, and the I can pick them up again and run farther.  The way Purah grabs my arm the moment I walk into the lab.  The way she drags me to a diagram and asks my opinion.  As if I'm wanted!  As if I'm needed!"

The sword flared under her hands, a ringing note at the base of her skull, and her eyes flew open at the call for attention.

She was glowing.  A warm pressure burned in her chest, and she grabbed hold of it to maintain it.

"What--"

"Things you care for," Link murmured.

She turned her head to look at him in surprise and confusion.

The corner of his mouth quirked.  "You're not making the face."

"How long have I been glowing?"

"Since you declared your love for trashy novels."

"Love is a strong word."

He shook his head and laughed under his breath. 

"But,” she said, “I need a strong weapon.”

His eyes darkened.  “You’re making the face again.”

When she kissed him, it was bright and sharp as the sun.

[randomlonelytorment]

PSA FOR FANFICTION WRITERS

Alright look, I've been biting my tongue and biting my tongue but nothings going to change unless someone says it so I guess that someone's me.

Please do not take what I'm about to say as a personal attack if the following applies to you I'm not trying to cause offence or start arguments merely resolve a pet peeve which has affected me and many people whom I know who are agitated by this. So, without further ado:

Dear Fanfiction Writers,

If a story you have written does not involve a certain character you should not be including that character in your tags.

What do I mean by this?

I mean; if you have written yet another masterpiece for lets say (as an example) Loki x Y/n you shouldn't be then posting that fic under a Tony/Thor/Steve Rogers ect x Y/n tag.

If you have written a fanfiction for Draco Malfoy you do not then post said fic under the Fred Weasley tag.

If your story does not involve a relationship between two specified characters you should not be including that ship/tag in your tags.

I understand circulation of fics has been at an all time low as of late and it sucks but there's not much we can do about that. You cannot force people to read or reblog your work. Mis-tagging your work is not then the solution to this problem.

If anything that makes it worse.

There's many reasons why you shouldn't be including false tags in your work; not just because it's incredibly a-fucking-nnoying. But because not everyone is in love with the same character and some characters can be triggering or include triggering content. Even blocking certain tags isn't 100% effective if people are tagging their work which involves said triggering topic under a tag you love.

It is incredibly frustrating to have to sort through dozens of irrelevant fics, for characters or pairings you aren't interested in, when you're searching a tag for a character you DO want to read about. So please, for the love of everyone's sanity, stop mistagging your work.

Because I can guarantee we aren't reading shit if we find your fucking James Potter fic in the George Weasley tag. We aren't. Rather we're very frustratedly scrolling past your fic with a grumble of various curse words under our breath.

Stop. Doing. That.

Also, while I'm at it on my rant may as well quickly add:

CUT YOUR POSTS!

No one likes scrolling past a 4m long post in their timeline. Just think about it, have you ever in your life been excited to see that "Do you love the colour of the sky?" Post? No. You haven't. No one likes that shit. It is completely possible to cut posts both on desktop and mobile now so you have absolutely no reason not to.

If your post is over 1k words or NSFW it should be cut!

For anyone on mobile who doesn't know how to cut posts message me and I will HAPPILY tell you how. For desktop I'm afraid I can't help but I'm sure I can help find someone who does know.

It's all about consideration. As amazing as your story may be some people may not want to sit through a 5k fic or may not be comfortable reading NSFW. Not to mention there are minors on this app who don't need to be exposed to sex stories.

Please take these things into account when posting on this site. It's important for creating a harmonious environment for sharing, writing and reading fanfiction.

Never stop writing! You are so beyond brilliant and so highly appreciated for your work ❤

[theyoutubedork]

“I’m always gonna worry about you, I love you too much not too,”

Masterlist

The one where you get the vaccine, and boyfriend!Harry comforts you when you get really bad side effects.

Trigger warning: COVID times, pain, mentions of needles, and LOTS AND LOTS OF FLUFF

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

A/N: ok, so I haven’t written anything for tumblr in a while, I’ve been writing on wattpad a little, but I’m lacking inspiration on that front, so I’ve been flocking to Tumblr once again. Instead of finding inspiration for the story I’m writing on wattpad, I’m gonna just completely procrastinate and write something entirely new instead. Obviously my brain has the best ideas so here we are.

WARNING: (PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING)

this is based off of my personal experience with getting the jenssen (Johnson and Johnson) vaccine, which is what inspired me to write this story. I had a very tough go with the side effects of the vaccine. I’m fine now and I am not saying that you shouldn’t get this vaccine. Obviously this is a slightly dramatized version so that it is easier for you guys to understand. These side effects only lasted for a few hours within the first 24 hour period of getting this vaccine, which is very common and likely to happen. It just knocked me for a bit of a loop, that’s all. The amount of pain I experienced was something that I was willing to go through so I can get vaccinated. It is was very much worth it. Please get vaccinated, and please be safe.

——————————————————————————

As soon as you walk through the door, you see Harry’s head spring up from behind the couch. His hair is slightly messy, evidence of one of his random, mid-day naps. His eyes immediately soften, looking at your face, which is twisted from the small discomfort you felt in your arm. You had to go alone because the vaccination site had told you so, and you didn’t want Harry to wait for you in the heat for god knows how long. Harry immediately gets up and gives you a tight embrace as soon as you put your belongings onto the kitchen counter. He lets out a quick sigh of content, being a bit more touch-starved lately, which he doesn’t really know the reason for. He finally brings his head from the crook of your neck, and melts at the sight of your adorable puppy-eyed stare.

“How did it go? I was so worried about you love, wish I could’ve been there to hold your hand,” he coos. His hand pets your head, trying to soothe you from any remaining nervousness, which admittedly, you still were. He knew that you severely disliked needles, especially when getting shots. Doesn’t matter whether it’s a flu shot or blood work, you always had to have your head turned away. Thankfully you aren’t nearly as bad as you used to be. When your were younger, you would scream and cry. There was even one time when you were super young, that an extra nurse had to hold you down like a stereotypical psycho-medical horror film. Screaming bloody murder just for protection against measles. Eventually you grew out of that phase, only having to have your mother rub her hand on your back to try and distract you.

Your mother did that a lot actually. Whenever you were upset, she would always give some sort of physical contact to remind you that she was there. Her most common ways of this type of affection was either rubbing your back or circling her thumb on the back of your palm. However, if you would get hysterical, she would even put her hand on your head and scratch your scalp or even run her finger along the bridge of your nose. She learned this from one of you day-care teachers, who used this tactic to make you finally fall sleep during nap time. Upon reflection, it definitely could seem strange to others, but for some reason your mother always calmed you down with these methods, even when you became an adult. Obviously she doesn’t do this nearly as often, given that you can control your emotions better than you could when you were a kid, and the fact you didn’t live with her anymore.

You are pulled out of your thoughts when Harry wraps his arm around your side to bring you closer. You immediately wince as his arm wrapped around your left arm, squeezing it tightly, making the arm already more sore.

“Harry, my arm,” you mutter, and he quickly lets go, scanning over your features quickly to make sure you weren’t in pain. After you give him a goofy smile, he chuckles and gives you a small peck on the lips.

“Sorry love, didn’t mean to hurt you.” He murmurs, pinching your cheek before grabbing your hand.

“Well now that you’re home, we can finally start that show you wanted to watch. I already went to the store and got you some stuff, just in case you get any side effects.” He rambles excitedly, plopping onto the couch before dragging you down towards him, your limbs already entangled with his. He adjusts slowly, making sure your left arm isn’t pressing up against anything too harshly. He pulls a blanket hanging on the backside of the couch over the two of you. You don’t let this distract you from giving him a narrow-eyed look due to his last statement. He sighs, noticing this,

“I know-“ he starts but you interrupt him,

“It’s very sweet that you went out and got stuff for me, but you know I don’t like if when you go out by yourself.” You say, tracing your fingers over his anchor tattoo as you continue, “But, you are an independent young man, who can do whatever he wants, so just text me before you go out and do that stuff ok? Don’t want anything bad happening to you,” you say softly, looking up at him with a worried look. He lets out a small “aww” as he grabs your hand, bringing it up to his lips, peppering small kisses on your knuckles before he looks at you with loving eyes.

“I know, you’re right, but you don’t have to worry about me love,” he says, wrapping his hand lightly around your neck, pulling your head closer so he could give you a small kiss on the forehead. You rest your head on his chest, facing towards the tv. You pick up the remote off the coffee table, turning on the TV to start scrolling though Netflix.

“I’m always gonna worry about you, I love you too much not to,” you say somewhat absentmindedly, since this was something you say to Harry all the time. He constantly begged you not to worry about him, and you always say there is no possible way you could not worry about him. Not just because he’s your celebrity boyfriend, but because obviously you will always worry about the people you love. People may see that as a bad thing, but it just means that you always want the best for the people you care about, and that you wouldn’t let anything bad happen to them.

You feel Harry’s ring-less hand, (he must’ve taken them off when he went out so he wouldn’t face any more risk of recognition; people are way too observant for their own good) find it’s way into your hair, lightly sifting through it.

‘Harry’s hands are surprisingly soft for someone who plays instruments as often as he does,’ you thought.

Ever since he found out about your mom playing with your hair, and other types of physical affection whenever you got upset, which he found adorable by the way, he had started to do the same, except at any given moment, not just when you got upset. You didn’t comment on it, but you secretly revel in it. He always was touchy-feely, but this was much more personal and intimate, and the way he pays extra attention to you makes you feel like nothing in the world could hurt you.

“You still shouldn’t worry about me so much,” he says, knowing full well that he will never be able to stop you. He knows that you worry about him for the obvious reasons, and that you would honestly be a bad girlfriend if you didn’t. He is one of the most famous people in the world, at least according to famousbirthdays.com.

After a few minutes of silence you hear Harry speak again,

“You know you’re the best girlfriend in the world right?” Harry says cutely, curling a strand of your hair around his fingers.

You let out a small laugh. He asked you this all the time, as if he never asked you the question before. You always brush off this comment, and this time is no different.

“No I am not,” you scoff, selecting play on the screen, the Netflix logo filling the screen. You feel Harry tug on your hair enough so he could make you look at him. This action makes your face heat up like the surface of the sun, making you try to look away from him.

“Look at me, love,” he whispers and you reluctantly comply. You see him with a tight lipped smile that rested below the apples in his cheeks. His eyes were slightly closed from how much he was smiling.

“I mean it, I know I tell you all the time, but you really are the best girlfriend in the world, you’re always so worried about me, making sure I’m ok,” he firmly states, scooping your stray baby hairs out of your face, “you’re like my bodyguard,” he chuckles. You raise a teasing eyebrow and he begins to laugh a little harder at your expression.

“Hey! You are like, the cutest bodyguard I’ve ever had,” you let out a small giggle at this, making Harry smile even wider.

“Damn right, I’ll kick everybody’s ass just for you babe,” you chuckle, air-punching the air aimlessly. Harry laughs loudly at this, giving you a peck on the head.

“I know you will, lovie,”

*

*

*

Later on in the evening, Harry had finished making dinner, and you were sprawled out on the couch. You usually would be in the kitchen with him, but for some reason you just didn’t want to move. Harry didn’t pay any mind, knowing that the vaccine you got was a single shot, meaning it was going to be a more potent dose. This also meant that you would probably be experiencing more severe symptoms than he did when he had gotten his two shot vaccine. He wanted you to get the same one as him, but he knew that the place you were setting up your appointment only had the single shot doses, and that you didn’t want to have to go through two rounds of needles.

He was only away for 25 minutes, so when he rounded the corner to enter the living room, to say that he was concerned was an understatement. He saw you, sprawled on the couch, your face scrunched together in pain as you tried to get comfortable. Your chest was heaving up and down at a not so steady pace. He set the plates in his hands on the coffee table before crouching down to make his face level with yours.

“You ok lovie? Dinner’s ready,” he said in a hushed tone, placing his hand on your forehead to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. However, when his hand reached your forehead, he noticed that the hair was glued to it, your forehead slightly slick with sweat. You let out a small groan of pain as your response. He immediately placed the back of his palm against your skin, not caring about your sweat. Not a fever, but not too far from one.

“Baby why didn’t you change into something a bit lighter?”

“I was going to but then I just didn’t want to get up. Or...move.” You whined. Harry’s face softened when he saw your cute little pout that you do whenever you get lazy or tired. Or both.

“Okay well do you wanna have dinner then get changed, or get changed and then have dinner?” He says.

“I wanna move as little as possible, so let’s eat dinner and then I’ll change.”

“Ok lovie...now eat before it gets cold.”

*

You were barely able to keep yourself up by the time you finished eating, and Harry immediately sprung into action. He quickly cleaned up the kitchen and put everything somewhat away before he rushed back to you. He had to catch you slightly since you were trying to make it to the bedroom before he came back.

He gingerly helped you out of your clothes and tucked you into your bed. Quickly shedding his clothes, and slowly getting into bed, trying not to dip the bed drastically. You immediately curled into his arms after he turn out the lights, and you let out small groans every once and a while.

“It’s alright angel, you probably won’t sleep super well tonight but I’ll be right next to you if you need anything. Okay lovie?” He murmurs, bringing his left arm around your waist to slowly trace circles at the bottom of your spine, soothing you greatly. You let out a small hum of understanding before nuzzling into his chest more, letting out a small sigh.

“You know you’re the best boyfriend in the world right?”

[haru-luo]

[CN Translation] Victor’s Capture (捕捉SR) <Record date>

!Spoiler warning! : The followings contain contents for dates of Mr. Love: Queen’s Choice/Love and Producer that are yet to be released in Global server. If you do not wish to be spoiled then please refrain from going undercut.

Karma Quote : “The time you're looking forward to, of course I'll make it special enough."

The translation is undercut. You have been warned about spoilers.

~~~

If you see any “---” sign then it simply indicates change of scenes in the place.

________

记录之约 {Record date}

Preview : "I proposed to "contract"/undertake half of the date with Victor alone to accomplish what I want to do with each other. I brought Victor to the Mr. Kitty exhibition hall and let him experience my childhood favorite cartoon exhibition. When the dusk came, what he most wanted to do was....."

Part 1 :

Today is a "special rest day" with Victor that we agreed early in the morning.

In order to make the rest time more meaningful, I suggest that both of parties "contract" one half of the dating time to accomplish the thing that they most want to do with each other.

Originally I just suggested it as a whim but Victor unexpectedly agreed. Right now, I have exactly six hours left on my part.

I stood in front of Victor breathlessly and he glanced at his watch.

Victor : "Five minutes late."

Victor : "You have five hours and fifty five minutes left."

MC : "Do you want to keep the time rule so strictly...."

I mumbled in protest, Victor said lightly,

Victor : "Six hours per person, this is certain someone's own rule."

Victor : "I'm just implementing it seriously."

After Victor finished speaking, he put a hand on his pocket diagonally, raised his eyebrows and asked.

Victor : "But is this street your chosen destination?"

MC : "Of course not, just follow me."

MC : "Mr. Victor, please."

I pretended to lean slightly then took Victor's arm and strode forward.

-----

After crossing a street, the center exhibition hall appeared in front of us, there was a big title "Mr. Kitty Theme Exhibition" that was eye-catching at the door.

In addition to the colorful balloons, there is also a giant "Mr. Kitty" doll squatting at the door. Many young girls are happily surrounding the doll.

Victor : "Is this what you wanted to do the most today?"

I pulled out the admission ticket and proudly raised it.

MC : "That's right!"

However, the expected frown did not appear. What greeted me was Victor's calm eyes. I realized something later.

MC : "Victor, you wouldn't have guessed it long ago, did you?"

Victor sighed lightly but the corner of his lips were pulled imperceptibly.

Victor : "There were billboards for themed exhibition all the way to here, so one doesn't even have to bother to guess."

Victor : "And as for this plush doll and it's arms crossed shaped."

Victor : "It indeed fits someone's usual preference."

Part 2

Although Victor guessed the answer in advance, it did not affect my interest in the least.

Entering the exhibition hall and looking at the familiar and various "Mr. Kitty" dolls in front of me, my mood also relaxes.

MC : "This was my favorite foreign cartoon when I was a kid. It tells the story of Mr. Kitty and his friends on the planet "Meow".

With that said, I walked to the waiting doll and made a greeting gesture to Victor, then deliberately said in a low voice similar to the tone of Mr. Kitty.

MC : "I'm the famous Mr. Kitty, welcome to my cozy little nest."

MC : "Here, take pictures of your friends to your heart's content!"

Victor looked at me, folded his arms across his chest.

Victor : "Let's talk about it then, just how "famous" is it?"

It's rare for Victor to cooperate so well so I quickly introduced this "childhood friend" while the iron was hot.

MC : "In the entire planet "Meow", Mr. Kitty is the most capable."

MC : "It not only knows a lot of knowledge but also often takes adventures with friends."

I squeezed my fist while talking.

MC : "Whenever an enemy strikes, its spacecraft will rush to the front to drive away the enemy and defend the planet "Meow".

MC : "Don't look at Mr. Kitty's always unsmiling side. In fact, it is very soft at heart."

Seeing me ramble, Victor raised his eyebrows.

Victor : "It seems that you really like it."

Victor : "But I haven't heard you mention it before."

MC : "After all, it was when I was young."

MC : "This is Mr. Kitty's first exhibition in LoveLand City. I will tour you here to get to know it for the first time~"

Victor looked around for a while, took my hand and walked in.

Victor : "Don't you want to take pictures "as much as you want"?"

Victor : "You can't come back at the doorstep to fulfill your wish again."

After passing through an arch, the exhibition hall inside is really bigger and the dolls on display are also richer in looks.

In addition to Mr. Kitty, there are Skull Mouse dolls wearing skirts, Fairy Elf dolls with wide eyed eyes and several cute models of spaceships.

MC : "And this is Mr. Kitty's most trusted friend, Mr. Elf and this is Miss farmer mouse who always loves and kills." [T/N : If I'm not wrong, "loves and kills"/"相爱相杀是" means a "love but full of quarrels relationship"]

At this time, a shape of Mr. Kitty wearing an apron and holding a dinner plate suddenly broke into my eyes.

Although it has no expression on its face, the movements in its hands reveal a sense of seriousness. I tilted my head and took another look then suddenly laughed.

MC : "Victor, doesn't this look like you when you make pudding in Souvenir?"

MC : "How about I take a photo of it with you?"

Victor : "I'm giving you one minute to reorganize your words."

I raised the camera and shook it with a smile.

MC : "Happy movements must be recorded in order to have a lasting double happiness, right~"

Victor : "Give it to me."

As soon as I finished speaking, Victor reached out and took my camera.

Victor : "Rather offering me to, it is better if you walk over and stand there yourself."

MC : "Then I'll trouble Mr. Victor."

I stood next to Mr. Kitty with two steps and grinned at Victor.

"CLICK!"

The picture freezes on the camera and Victor's eyes slide across the screen calmly but the slight smile in his eyes reveals his good mood at the moment.

Victor : "....Such a stupid smile."

-------

Part 3

After taking enough photos and playing a lot of small games, Victor and I went to the innermost part of exhibition hall. There were four striking characters on the wall.

MC : "Spaceship Pursuit?"

At the same time, the small screen on the wall sounded a melody of the promo.

Screen Broadcast : "Using high-tech projection technology, everyone can take Mr. Kitty's spacecraft, explore the universe with it and defeat the enemy!"

Screen Broadcast : "And in the process of PK with the enemy, there will be cameras to capture everyone's heroic moments!"

I subconsciously looked at Victor. He did not respond immediately but raised his wrist.

Victor : "As a reminder, you have one hour left."

MC : "......"

Victor : "Don't bother if you want to play."

Boarding the "spaceship", Victor and I sat down near the corner.

Soon, a clear picture of adventure lit up in the pitch-black spaceship at the same time as if the real universe was shrouded in the sky.

At the same, the ground under my feet suddenly began to jolting and shaking slightly---and the spacecraft set off!

I got back to my senses and I was about to raise the small "pistol" but when I turned my head, I saw Victor's slightly disgusted expression.

In his hand, the cat-shaped plastic gun seemed to be less than the size of his palm.

Under the cover of the dark light, I turned my face away and couldn't help but curl the corners of my mouth.

After a while, as the spacecraft sailed, the enemies who were also driving the spacecraft gradually appeared appeared in the field of vision and I quietly pointed them to Victor.

MC : "The mushroom head in the middle is our worst enemy and the one on the left is also a threat."

MC : "But if you are optimistic, we'll be able to successfully drive them away later!"

I pulled the trigger of the small pistol but several rounds in a row were quickly avoided by the mushroom head.

I adjusted my strategy and planned to shoot from another direction but at this moment I saw from the corner of my eye, a figure sitting upright next to me.

Although, Victor was very disgusted just now, but right now, he was holding the small pistol very seriously, as if he was not in front of the game screen but before the usual report materials.

MC : "Pff!"

Among the excited crowd, Victor looked different in a suit and a serious look alone.

I wanted to ask him to relax a little bit but then I gave up after thinking about it. Such a rare scene should be appreciated for a while.

Perceiving my peeking and secret joy, Victor gave me a constant look.

Victor : "Who was the one who just said to chase away the enemy and now gave up so quickly?"

MC : "No, I was just changing my posture."

Victor turned his head without comment.

The projected colored spots reflected light on his face. Looking at Victor, who was a little more vivid and childlike than usual, I suddenly became playful.

I turned my head and looked around and I saw a flashing red spot not far away, it should be the camera lens of the rocker arm.

My body is so close that I want to shoot from behind Victor, in fact I secretly stretched my hand to the top of his head and made a "V".

Victor : "If you want to make a face of me, just be fair."

Hearing the sound, I rolled my eyes.

MC : "It's not often that you play games so seriously."

MC : "If it happens to be captured, it will add a bit of fun to your photos."

Victor : "According to you, would I still say "thank you" for this?"

Hearing the helplessness and ridicule in his words, I stuck out my tongue.

Now that I was caught, I no longer concealed my intentions. I quickly squeezed Victor's face with my hands and squinted at the camera.

MC : "Victor, look at the camera quickly!"

The rocker lens quickly passed overhead. Victor turned his head and looked at me with a smile.

Victor : "Happy now?"

I said frankly.

MC : "It's okay I guess, you just said to be more honest."

Another red projection reflected on Victor's face and his lips slightly curled up.

Victor : "Childish."

Part 4

When coming out of the game hall, the brilliance of the setting sun had already fallen in front of him.

After playing for so long, I couldn't help but feel tired. I ordered an ice cream from the surrounding shops and Victor and I sat down in the rest area.

After all, it was the first ever exhibition of Mr. Kitty in LoveLand City. It was the first time I ate an ice cream shaped like Mr. Kitty. In a novel way, I had a "wipe" when I raised my camera.

Preparing to put the camera away, Victor's figure advertently moved up facing the camera suddenly appearing in the frame.

The adorable ice cream is right in front of him and while wearing a suit and leather shoes, he picks up a small spoon seemingly not knowing where to start.

I couldn't help but laugh softly.

Victor raised his head and glanced at me holding the camera.

Behind the camera, I sighed slyly.

MC : "It turned out that even Mr. Victor would make a fuss and it's rare."

MC : "Come to think of it, I have collected a lot of "The other side of Mr. Victor", It shouldn't be too bad to take another one."

After speaking, I quickly pressed the shutter. As expected, Victor hadn't had time to react so, I captured the slightly dazed expression in the photo.

Putting down the camera contentedly, I dug a scoop of Mr. Kitty's ice cream and tasted it. the refreshing and non-too sweet taste made my eyes bright.

MC : "This is delicious, try it!"

Victor : "Don't change the subject in a hurry."

Victor : "I think "surprise" is your focus for today, right?"

After taking another big mouthful ice cream, I rolled my eyes and squinted with a smile.

MC : "You can't say that. No matter what you are, it was originally a very important part of today's record."

Victor paused for a moment and a slight upward arc leaked from the corner of his mouth.

Victor : "Strong words are unreasonable."

We just ate Mr. Kitty's ice cream one by one. After a while, the waiter brought another ice cream cone.

Victor : "Why did you order two?"

Lifting the cone to Victor, I smiled and winked.

MC : "If you look closely, this is a unique "elf" cone."

MC : "Do you remember the fairy..."

Victor : "Is the Mr. Kitty's most trusted friend."

Victor took my words unhurriedly and then raised his eyebrows.

Victor : "Isn't that right?"

MC : "So, since we're here, it's worthwhile to try all the special things!"

The sun slanting westward fell on Victor's shoulders and hair, he gave a soft smile, his mouth seemed to have the aftertaste of summer.

Victor : "I can see it's just like someone's own taste."

At this moment, the staff of the game hall sent the photos captured by the camera. On the screen, I happened to pinch Victor's face and smile triumphantly.

Unexpectedly, that moment was actually captured. Seeing Victor's helpless look in the photo, I suppressed a chuckle.

Victor : "Seeing certain someone's silly look, she seems to be very satisfied for a long time."

I tried to narrow the corners of my mouth and pretended not to say so unequivocally.

MC : "It's almost thanks to Mr. Victor's cooperation."

A soft look flashed in Victor's eyes, he raised his writs and took a look then raised his eyebrows.

Victor : "That being said, the rest of the time is mine."

----

After all, it is the first time in a while such a "special day off" has been agreed and I can't wait to look forward to the next arrangement.

Stepping on the shadow of the setting sun, I curiously followed Victor. However, as I walked, the scenery in front of me became more and more familiar.

I hesitate for a second and then asked him my doubts.

MC : "Victor, are we on our way back to you home?"

Victor gave a low "Hm".

Victor : "What do you want to eat later?"

Victor : "Fried salmon?"

Although I always rely on Victor to "extravagant food and drinks", after I happily took him to the childhood cartoon exhibition, his arrangement was unexpected.

I pressed my lips together and the emotion of expecting bubbles fell.

MC : "...Is this what you want to do most today?"

Victor lowered his head, his eyes touched my somewhat stunned expression, he reached out his hand and tapped my forehead.

Victor : "What are you thinking about again?"

MC : "Oh...no..."

On the other side of the road where the lights were lit, Victor fixed his eyes firmly on me and the corners of his lips were slightly raised.

Victor : "About what you wanted to do, I had already expected ‘lively’."

Victor : "And the result is indeed the case."

Victor's voice was very low and so clear. He paused the smiled softly.

Victor : "But during the rare rest days, what I want to have is your and my private space."

Victor : "The idea of going home for dinner may not considered special in the general sense."

Victor : "But for me, if every three o'clock and three meals a day can have some dummy chirping by my side..."

Victor : "That is the time I'm most looking forward to."

When the voice fell, the low and doubts that had been quietly surging in my heart before were all filled with heat and warmth now.

Looking at the person in front of me who made me feel at ease, I subconsciously stretched out my arms around him.

The skin-to-skin heat surges up, as if converging into a special invisible camera in my heart.

Recording the moment that belongs only to us forever in my heart.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

DATE CLEARED~

🍮Victor’s Moments 1 & 2 :  Ice-Cream and Pretend

🍮Victor’s Texts : Escape from the heat

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

My Darling Cat Roommate

lmao this isn’t lambden, as the title may suggest. sorry folks

@stinastar hit me with some feels over and modern roommate au where Geralt just doesn’t know what to do to make Jask feel better and this happened. 

Warnings: We go into some Seasonal Affective Depression stuff here so like be careful with that if it triggers you, jask beats himself up a little, mentioning feeling numb at things that usually bring him joy, i swear in this one. I haven’t changed, dont worry lol

_______________________

Jaskier trudged home from work on Friday, exhausted but relieved he had the next week off. He wolfed down the leftovers Geralt had heated up for him and almost fell asleep on the couch before Geralt hauled him up and walked him into his room, where he promptly fell asleep on top of his duvet in jeans and his shoes. Sometime around when early morning coffee workers were getting up he undressed and snuggled under the warm blankets. 

When he woke to Geralt making a smoothie he was prepared to launch into a full ‘morning people’ rant, only to check his phone and realize it was 2pm. So, maybe he’d needed rest. 

It was still grey enough out that he shrugged and went back to sleep. 

When he woke up again it was dark and the TV was going. He wrapped up in his comforter rather than putting on sweats and shuffled out to the kitchen only because his stomach growled when he tried to roll over.

“Morning, Sleeping Beauty!” Geralt called over his shoulder as he floated past with the pasta he’d left in the microwave. 

Jaskier just grunted a small “Thanks,” before he disappeared back into his room. He scrolled through various apps as he ate and rolled back into bed. 

He might have fallen asleep, he might not, but he certainly didn’t get out of bed until his bladder absolutely demanded it on Sunday morning. 

Geralt intercepted him in the hallway before he could make it back to his room, “You feeling okay?”

“Hm? Why?” Jaskier took a moment to respond, staring at Geralt like he’d grown a second head. He knew his hair was probably greasy but he couldn’t look that bad.

“You slept all day yesterday.” Geralt looked like he was diffusing a bomb rather than talk to his roommate, “Did something happen at work?” 

Jaskier just shrugged, “I’m just tired.” And a little numb.

Geralt nodded, “I’m headed to the store. You sure you don’t want me to pick anything up for you?”

“I’m okay, Geralt…” he sighed, slipping past his brick wall of a roommate to slink beneath his blankets once again and make himself as small as possible. 

It was late January and the Seasonal Affective Depression was in full swing. He should have bought that fucking happy light when it was on sale. Should have bought the Vitamin D tablets he saw last week. Should have let Geralt drag him to the gym a little more when he felt the initial dip. Should have blah blah blah. He thought over every little thing he knew would have helped that he just hadn’t done and sighed, pulling his blankets tighter around him. He knew he wasn’t going to do any of it until it got bad enough that his hair would stick to his forehead once he hit this point. Might as well hurry it along so it could be over with. 

Geralt knocked on his door, snapping him out of his mini spiral. He hummed, not even bothering to turn over until he heard the rattle of the doorknob. 

“I know you didn’t want anything, but… uh. I was in the bulk section. Got you the peach things.” Geralt’s voice was lower and softer than usual as he raised the frankly massive bag of peach rings for emphasis before he set them on Jaskier’s desk. 

“Than-” Jaskier coughed when his voice came out raspy and broken, “Thank you.”

Geralt leaned against the doorframe for a moment, a curious frown on his face, “Bake Off is on in an hour if you wanna watch it.”

Jask forced a smile and shrugged, “We’ll see.”

Geralt pursed his lips and nodded, pausing a moment before pushing off the doorframe, “Okay.” 

Jaskier stared at the peach rings for a while after Geralt closed the door. Eventually he compromised with his brain and rolled out of bed onto his knees, waddling a couple of steps until he could reach the rings then launch back to bed. 

Normally he would have almost cried with happiness that Geralt had gotten his favorite treat. He loved it when Geralt did little things for him or thought of him enough to give him something, but he felt rather indifferent as he shoved the twentieth peach ring in his mouth. 

Without warning his door opened just enough for a plate to appear and be gently set on his desk.

Geralt muttered, “For the sugar high…” before his hand disappeared and the door once again shut. 

Jaskier almost smiled when he saw the neatly arranged concentric circles of Totinos Pizza Rolls on the plate. He got to his feet to fetch them this time. 

Around ten that night there was another knock at his door that pulled him from an hour long scroll through tiktok.

“Jask?”

“Yeah?”

Geralt held a big grey bundle in his arms, “Do you- Uh. I thought- weighted blanket?” He held his arms out with a hesitant smile. 

Jaskier sat up, “But don’t you use it to sleep?”

Geralt shrugged, unfolding the bean-filled blanket and laying it over Jaskier’s legs, “I’ll be fine.”

Jaskier stared at the ceiling for a while after he left, confused by Geralt’s suddenly attentive behavior. He would have expected the grouchy man to enjoy the silence that came with his bad days. For how much Geralt complained about his loud music, he certainly wasn’t expecting gifts. 

Geralt left a note in the kitchen Monday morning saying he’d made Jaskier a breakfast sandwich with instructions on how to warm it up without it turning soggy. Jaskier stood in front of the panini press reading and rereading the note as he heated his breakfast like it was in Old English. He ate at the kitchen table this time, annoyed with the crumbs in his bed, and counted up all the little gifts he’d been brought. He could come to only one conclusion.

Geralt was part cat. 

He’d stopped functioning and Geralt kept bringing him mice. 

He smirked and sent him a quick text, “Thanks for the breakfast. 👌 V  good.”

After breakfast, he decided maybe he could change his pajamas, but he stayed tucked under Geralt’s weighted blanket for most of the day. Every now and then Geralt would text him something stupid Eskel or Lambert did, or a meme he found on his break, and every time Jaskier would grin and send back an emoji. Words were out of reach but Geralt frequently only communicated in emojis and one-word sentences. He should get the message.

Jaskier fell asleep around two, really asleep not just the fitful light sleep he’d been having the last couple of days. He was rousted from a dream about a talking panini press by Geralt tripping over a pile of laundry and softly swearing as he tried to right himself without crashing into the bed or Jaskier’s lute. 

“Geralt? Darling, what are you doing?”

Geralt finally caught himself and nearly blinded Jaskier with a smile as he straightened up, “Didn’t mean to wake you.” 

Jaskier sat up and scratched at his hair, “Yes, but doing what?” 

“Oh! Yeah. Uh. I-” Geralt, still grinning, pointed to a small fern in a bright orange clay pot sitting on his windowsill. 

“You got me a plant?”

Geralt was practically beaming when Jaskier glanced back at him. 

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a cat?” 

Geralt snorted, sitting down on the edge of the bed, “You’re feeling better?” 

Jaskier tilted his head, “I think so? What makes you say that?”

“You called me ‘Darling’.” 

A hesitant smile crept on Jaskier’s face. There was an echo of the usual all-consuming warmth spreading in his chest that he usually felt when Geralt smiled at him. He may indeed be feeling a bit better. Come to think of it he actually wanted to shower.

“I taped Bake Off. If you’re feeling up for a trek to the couch,” Geralt offered, forced nonchalance dripping from every word. 

Jask nodded, “Let me shower, then we can finish off the peach rings.” 

Geralt’s smile nearly stopped his heart, a sure sign he was nearing the land of the living again, “I got lasagna on the way home too,” he chirped as he jumped up and made his way to the door. 

“Hey, Darling?” It felt a little forced and goofy saying the pet name like that, but Jaskier just couldn’t help himself, “Thank you.”

Geralt’s smile softened, “Anytime.”

[ripperdaddy]

the viktor vector romance path + ending we deserve

Disclaimer: This is definitely something I came up with in my head. There will be a few instances that are solely made up so it can tie in with the “story.” This is purely fictional; something I wished happened if there was a possible Vik romance 🥰 This is based on my general knowledge of the game & Vik’s life. All gifs + images are from my own personal play through, but wouldn’t be possible without the help of the Appearance Menu Mod, found on Nexus Mods by the creators, MaximiliumM and CtrlAltDaz. And the shirtless Vik mod by the lovely samsnak ♡

It would start after completing the Paid In Full quest where you pay Vik back the eddies you owe him.

I feel like realistically, the general player would have to be at least halfway through the story to have collected enough eddies. I would say that a good point in the story where we can begin the romance is that you’ve already established a connection to Alt and have dealt with the VDB’s.

I think it would be a short side quest like River’s. Vik already plays a big part in the story overall on his own, so I don’t think it’s necessary to make his “side quest” too long. His romance would just be an addition to the ending.

And as much as I would love for him to be a bisexual option for both male/female V, if we’re sticking with the game’s standard with limiting partners to only one kind of partner, he would only be romance-able by a female V with a feminine voice.

V: Finally scrounged up enough eddies to pay you back in full.

Vik: Hold on to ‘em just in case - you need ‘em more than me.

V: I’m not taking them all the way to my grave, Vik. Here. And.. thanks again for doing so much work on me ‘thout ever seein’ an enny.

Vik: That’s what friends are for.

Then, there is an additional option for dialogue to trigger the romance path.

V: Friends? I think you’ve been in and out of my body more than anyone else I’ve hooked up with in Night City.

He laughs, with a coy smile. “Well, can’t argue with you there. Why don’t we take some of these eddies and grab a drink. You know, to celebrate. Catch up on old times. Haven’t seen you round here much lately, kid.”

You agree to meet at the El Coyote Cojo tomorrow evening.

You meet around 9 PM and you are welcomed by the sight of Pepe and Vik at the bar.

V: Nice choice of venue.

Vik: Thought you’d like it. Haven't been here since.. well, you know.

V: I miss him, Vik.

Vik: I know, V. Me too.

You immediately take a seat and tinker with a few dialogue options, where you can either have a sweet moment talking about Jackie or some surface questions to ask, like how he’s doing, what kind of drink he likes, etc. But it all winds down to Jackie anyway, where Vik confides in you about his past. Judging by how Vik was so affected by Jackie’s death, and V’s (if you chose the suicide ending), you can tell that he has lost a lot in his life, and keeps his circle very small.

You then achieve an even closer, more personal relationship with him. But, ultimately nothing happens other than the usual, wait 24 hours in game for a text/phone call from Vik to head into the next stage. At least now, you have established the foundation for a future romance.

Halfway through the 24 hour period, you get a text from Vik thanking you for the lovely evening. No reply needed, as he calls you once the 24 hour mark hits and invites you out for another date.

You meet at Tom’s Diner for coffee in the afternoon. It starts off with him apologizing for being emotional the previous night and asks if you’re open to hanging out again and going down to Pacifica to watch a fight with him.

Vik: Hey, V. I just wanted to apologize about last night. I didn’t mean to be such a downer.

V: It’s okay, Vik. We share the same grief.

Vik: I was going to head down to Pacifica and catch a real good match later on today. I was wondering if you’d like to come along, think it’d be great for the both of us, you know, as a distraction.

pssst even Johnny’s rooting for y’all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Johnny: Hmm, interesting.

V: What?

Johnny: Never thought you'd be going out with this guy.

V: Vik's amazing. And I mean--we basically owe it to him since he practically saved our life.

Johnny: Don't tell me you're going out with him out of pity.

V: I'm not.

Johnny: I know, I can feel you get all mushy-gushy. It's almost repulsive. Just wanted to hear you admit it.

V: Eat a dick, Johnny.

You arrive before the GIM and blend into the crowd.

V: Nothin’ like watching guys beat the shit out of each other to get your blood pumpin’, huh?

Vik: This is a real good matchup, V. This kid’s fresh, young talent.

V: You miss it, don’t you?

Before the fight begins, Vik shares a story about his time in the ring and coming in second in the Watson Boxing Grand Prix.

There’s some extra fun options in the dialogue, you can bet some eddies on who’s gonna win, or side with him. The fight ends, and you two head outside.

Since you’re already out in Pacifica, you head over to the boardwalk (where you would ride the roller coaster with Johnny) and he starts telling you about the last days of his boxing career and how he transitioned from the sport to being a ripperdoc.

You both share a sweet moment with each other, reminiscing about old times and talking about V’s future with the relic. This is where I would see Vik confessing how he feels about you, mentioning how grateful he is for Jackie introducing you to him.

The evening ends and Vik asks you to give him some time to try and dig up some footage from his storage and have you come over to watch. You can kiss him then wait another 24 in game hours before the last quest. Halfway through, he texts you and asks you what you’d like for dinner. You can opt for pizza or chinese.

I haven’t seen or read anything about how or where Vik lives. If I overlooked something, please let me know! But for the sake of the story, let’s say he does actually have his own place that’s now introduced in the game. Personally, I think he has a typical bachelor pad, like a really nice apartment. Not too far from his clinic either. He looks like he would just walk to work. Vik definitely has a lot of money, but he’s so humble I doubt he would choose to live lavishly. As mentioned in the beginning, he typically just “sleeps nights” ever since he was over “being a legend” so I’m guessing his lifestyle is very routine. He goes to work, goes home, sleep. Seems unlikely he has a place like the Peralez’s. It would probably be just the same as V’s but decorated to his taste.

The evening comes and you are over at his place. He’s dressed in just a white undershirt, no exo-glove. You get to know more about his family, how he grew up — scanning things around his place. Then he plays some footage of one of his fights for you, while you two have a conversation and share a beer. As you two sit on the couch, you get close, then have an opportunity to kiss him.

then this is where da sex happen hihihi (ノ・ω・)ノ

The next morning you wake up and you two have a heartfelt conversation about where this is going. He already knows your situation, so I would assume he is very accepting and supportive. And with Vik, he seems like the kind of guy who would still want to be in your life and keep the friendship the same way despite no longer being together romantically. So it’s official. He’s your man 🥵 !!11!1!

Like how River gives you the “fuck the police” tank top after sleeping with him, I think Vik would give you his Night City Devils t-shirt that provides you with a significant amount of armor or some kind of cyberware upgrade that makes you invulnerable for a brief moment while using your hands to fight enemies.

Note: I was thinking of Vik giving V his boxing glove necklace, but because it's part of his character's appearance in the game, I don't think we would be able to essentially "take it" from him - unless he gives you a replica as a keepsake. Which I think would also work.

If you successfully romance, during the rooftop scene near the end of Nocturne OP55N1 (despite Vik’s disposition of him telling you to take matters in your own hands and being a little closed off), you still have an option to reach out to him when Johnny advises you to call a loved one.

V: Hey, Vik. I just wanted to say, thanks for hanging with me, until the end.

Vik: Quit talking like it is, V. Just do what you need to do.

V: I mean, think of it. It’s like I’m heading into the last round of this whole thing.

Vik: Well, in that case.. remember—keep your hands up, guarded at all times. It ain’t over just yet.

V: Heh.. I can feel it, just a few more punches.

Vik: Now look at you - the new welterweight champ of Night City.

V: Thanks, coach.

Vik: Last piece of advice from the coach's corner. Just.. be careful, kid. Remember, I’m with you.

Okayyyy, soooo I’m not the biggest fan of how CDPR gave us two of the same endings (Path of Glory). The only difference is that Rogue’s life is spared. I would have assumed that not only would we get to keep Rogue around, things should have played a bit more differently for V if we took the route of going solo against the corpos. So let’s tweak it.

This specific ending; it should be after getting through Don’t Fear The Reaper where you single-handedly manage to rip through Arasaka by yourself. Johnny goes back to Alt & Rogue is still alive. Yes nobody dies!!!

(honestly this ending can apply to any love interest you choose)

Vik and V are now living together in a lavish penthouse, entertaining an upcoming merc to do their work for them (which is now the current POV of the player.) You were recruited by Rogue at the Afterlife, who told you to visit this couple for a real, preem job.

They give you some vague details about the gig and go on for a brief moment about what you will be doing and what you should expect. Vik emphasizes to you that it’s important you get what they need because it’s for his wife, V, as her life depends on it.

As Never Gonna Fade Away is playing in the background, they tell you to break into Arasaka HQ.

Then the game officially ends.

[beemybella]

A Soft Place to Fall

Angst, one-shot. Darlin visits Gabe's grave and confides in him. David was there. !! Trigger warnings: grief, mention of traumatic events, negative self-talk.

---

Tones of pearl and soft blues filled the sky where the sun didn't yet touch. The day was still awakening but Darlin had spent all night without sleeping, staring at the ceiling, listening to music, or even weight lifting, doing everything they could think of to cancel out the intrusive thoughts, but nothing they did seemed to work.

A cold breeze whispered on their neck, telling their hands to embrace the cold body. It reminded them of the same whisper they felt when first leaving the apartment, still wondering where to go.

“Hey, Gabe… Surprised to see me?” with a raspy voice. You could see the air escaping through their mouth as they spoke. Their hands were in their pockets; they wore a black hoodie with black jeans and dark sunglasses. Darlin was never someone to care much about fashion, most of the time they grabbed whatever was closer and felt comfortable on their skin, and was black.

“I know I haven’t come here for a good while. Life has been really chaotic lately,” they knew whatever they were trying to say was only an excuse to the real reason. It was almost as if they disliked coming here, maybe it was too insensitive to admit it out loud, but Darlin didn't like the idea of Gabe being now only a place on the ground, a rock that could only stay still. It felt so wrong to see him that way, they wanted to remember the man he was, the wolf they ran with, but grief takes many forms, and Darlin was fighting with one of them. “I couldn't sleep. I felt tired, but my mind wouldn't shut up, so I came here,” did they skip a few steps as to why they came to see him, you wonder. 

You had come here after long work with a client that lasted more than you’d have wanted it to, what you didn't expect was anyone to be here. Darlin sighed, looking at their feet, and continued. “A lot has happened. I’m not sure if anyone has told you already, but Dahlia has been through a fucking nightmare. I can imagine someone has already been here crying and rambling about everything,” Their words tasted bitter, it’s not like they were actively trying to be mean, their emotions were all over the place and the lack of sleep didn’t help their humor. “But I wouldn't blame them… You’ve always been there for everyone… Even tried to be there for me,” slower and quietly now, they spoke.

“I didn’t think it would affect me this much, you know? I wasn't there and yet I can’t put it behind my back, I can’t pretend it didn't happen. I feel sick just thinking about it…

“Going over to Sam’s place that day was healing, in a way, but everything felt more real after that,” they frowned. “I don’t fucking know how to deal with this. I can’t ignore it, everyone will think I’m an asshole if they didn't already, but that’s the only way I know how to go about things, that’s the way that gets me through shit,”

The silence was as heavy as their frown now, Darlin could only hear the birds in the trees waking up and the grass dancing with the wind. Their thoughts went to the flower store lady at the entrance and the cat laying on the ground, grooming its little paws. The werewolf didn't stop to buy anything, they hadn’t brought any money with them, now they kinda wish they did, it would have been a good opportunity to change topics.

“I wish I was a cat,” attempting to lighten the mood. “No worries, only eating and sleeping,” They let out a deep sigh, scratching the back of their neck. “It’s weird talking to you like this. I heard a few people saying it helps, but it doesn’t feel like that. I’m not talking to you, I’m… Talking to a rock… But I guess that’s what I wanted, to not bother anyone,” shit, they thought, letting the truth slip like a kid in the snow.

The recently cut hair brushes on their neck, they cut it even shorter this time, and the sensation is still weird after so many months of skipping it. You notice the redness on their cheeks and nose by now as they extend their neck. “They should have worn something warmer,” you say under your breath, without realizing how closer to them you had gotten.

“I thought it was a waste of time going to that event. ‘Why would I go to that stupid event, watch people use their powers, and get praised for existing?’, you know?” they face down, “I was stupid,”

It’s not their fault, they could have never guessed something so horrific would happen, and it’s not like Darlin being there would have prevented it either. Why don’t you tell them that, why won’t your body move? You watch as they sit on the ground, crossed legs and elbows on their knees; nostalgia takes over you and now they look like the small kid alone in the forest, talking to a dying tree, the one you use to stare at, like a painting.

You are so close to them and yet so distant. They could probably smell you if they were paying enough attention, or maybe the place itself already has your smell all over, from the countless days and nights you used to spend here.

“I’m bounded to Quinn, Gabe…”, your heart shrank and burnt in your chest, wanting to escape through your mouth. You didn't expect Darlin to say this. “He and I crossed teeth–” Your vision got dark and everything around went quiet, your heartbeat was on your ears, beating faster every second.  “I can sense him … “... he can most likely feel the same … “You said he was bad news … I wanted him to be … “, the more time I spent with him … I saw–” you try to keep in control. “... reporting him … Dump didn't do shit, as usual … “… he found out, “...my friend,”

You finally get a hold of yourself when Darlin shifts in their movement. The curve of their back was more prominent now as if the weight of the world was on their shoulders. Darlin couldn't take it anymore, the more they said the blurrier their vision got. So they let it rain, tired rivers made paths across their face and sweaty palms built bridges. You made room for Darlin’s melody.

“I don’t know what to do, Gabe. I’m falling apart every day and night… No amount of holding me could keep me from breaking now. I don’t know what is going to happen when Quinn comes back if he ever does… Will I live forever in fear of that happening? I thought I was strong enough to handle it but the only strong thing here is my body, I can only fight… I,” nails crave in their cheeks, with a trembling body, “I don’t know what to do with myself,”

The sun was gently covering them with warmth, like a mother embracing their baby, a nostalgic feeling long forgotten, a soft place to fall, that was Gabe now, they realize. The image makes you want to do the same, embrace them until the pressure of your stronger arms is greater than their pain.

They wipe the remains of dry tears, and get up from the ground, breathing in the cold air, once again. “I’m sorry. Next time I’ll bring you flowers, dad,” placing their hand on Gabe’s engraved name, before walking away.

You finally get closer to where Darlin was, smelling the trail they leave behind as they disappear in the fog.

“I wish you’d talk to me, I could try to help…” you whisper, wishing you’d someday yell it to them, loud enough for them to hear it and never doubt it. “If only you weren’t so stubborn,” David sighs “Loving you hurts, my darling,”

[strawberrylemonz]

Campfire Tales

Part 3 of my series!  Thank you for 100+ followers!!!

As usual, do ask me any questions you may have regarding this series! 

This is dedicated to both @petrichormeraki and @applepie1000

Enjoy!

Part 2

Part 3 [CURRENT]

Part 4

————————

“You’re gonna burn the ‘mallows”

“Am not”

“Are too”

“Am not”

“Are too”

“Calm down, you two”

Everyone was sitting around the campfire as Tommy brought out the sticks and marshmallows. He had already taken out the rest of the supplies to make snacks and drinks using the fire, doing his best to make sure that everyone was comfortable before he explained his time before joining the hermits.

“You doing alright?”

Tommy stiffened at the sound of being addressed so suddenly. Turning to his side, he saw his older brother smiling up at him. Tommy had been feeling very anxious since the group began their hike up to the campfire, so the sight was comforting for him. He returned the smile to his brother, who extended a hand out to him.

“Let me help you with those, Toms. Just sit down and relax for a bit. You’re probably very nervous.”

Now, Tommy would usually bite back with an overconfident comment, but Tommy didn’t feel like his usual self. Instead, he shrugged his shoulders and handed Grian the remaining supplies. Grian, in turn, grabbed the supplies before sitting his little brother down on a seat. Ruffling his hair with affection, Grian handed Tommy some marshmallows before setting off to finish handing everything out. 

“You get near that majestic cat, Iskall, and I will stab you”

“Okay, okay, I’m backing off.”

Peering up, Tommy saw Cleo scoop up a cat, before walking off to sit on a different log seat. Iskall, in turn, nervously laughed as if he just escaped death. ‘Wouldn’t be an understatement.’ Tommy thought with slight amusement. Iskall then turned to Tommy, smiling at the younger boy. Tommy, returned the smile, waving at the man. Iskall saw that as an invitation and proceeded to sit down next to Tommy on the log.

“Nervous?”

“Is it really that obvious?”

“Well, yeah. You started to tone down on the cussing when we arrived at Pirate’s Pier. You stopped cussing in general when we took Captain Puffy’s ship to the campsite, and you haven’t cussed since. You’re also fidgeting around a lot.”

“Shit”

Iskall let out a laugh as Tommy shoved his face into his hands. Patting the young adult’s back with care, he did his best to comfort Tommy.

“Hey, it’s alright. We’ll understand if you decide to stop telling us. But don’t push yourself to either share past your comfort or to coop up all your feelings. It’s not healthy for you, and we’ll all attack you with care and affection until you feel better.”

Tommy barked out a laugh as he playfully pushed away Iskall’s face.

“That’s all you lot have been doing since I arrived. Been acting like I’m your baby brother, or some shit.”

“Well, that’s the case. At least, for one of us.”

At that, the two peered over to Grian, who was putting up the left over supplies with haste, obviously eager to begin unraveling his brother’s pain.

“He seems more hyper than usual”

“I’m pretty sure it’s on the account that he found out that his favorite raccoon is, in fact, his younger brother.”

“I hope he isn’t disappointed-”

Tommy was interrupted when a hand covered his mouth. Feigning irritation, Tommy peered over at the owner of the hand, Iskall. Quirking an eyebrow at him, Tommy gave a pointed look. Iskall huffed before removing his hand from Tommy’s mouth.

“What the hell was that for, Isk-”

“Don’t say that.”

“Don’t say what? Your name?”

“No, Tommy, not that. Don’t say anything about Grian being disappointed in you being his brother. The two of you have been acting like brothers since the day you two met. You guys are two peas in a pod, burrowing in bases together and pranking any fool who let their guard down. He is more than happy to have you as his brother.”

“How can you be so sure when you say that?”

“Because, Tommy, I saw how he reacted. The two of you obviously couldn’t see that well, with the two of you weeping up an ocean-”

“-Did not-”

“-Did too. Anyways, I saw his reaction to putting the pieces together. It was a whole new Grian, one we never got to see before. His facade fell the moment he saw who you were. Something changed in his eyes, and he held you with more pride and love than he ever did before. He’s more than happy to have you as family.”

Tommy furrowed his eyebrows before looking Iskall in the face. He wanted to doubt his words, he really did. He wanted to believe that he didn’t deserve so much of Grian’s love, that he didn’t deserve a special place in his heart. One look at Iskall’s face, however, was more than enough confirmation that he wasn’t being lied to. As much as Tommy wanted to avoid his brother’s love, he knew he couldn’t. All Tommy could do was to just pray to Clara that this brotherly bond would not be torn apart and bombed, just like his last two. He just wanted a family member he could rely on, not one that would break him with betrayal and miscommunication.

“What are you two talking about?”

Tommy peered up to see Grian standing there, munching on a melted marshmallow. Rolling his eyes, Tommy snorted at him as Iskall laughed.

“Talking about how much of a big man Toms is.”

“Hey! Watch the sarcasm! I am a big man!”

Grian snorted before sitting down on the other of Tommy, getting comfortable on the log. The two brothers shared a smile before Tommy faced the rest of the group.

“Everyone ready?”

A chorus of confirmation was given, a single nod to return them. Sighing, Tommy situated himself and cleared his throat.

“I’m severely grateful for all of you, truly. You’ve all looked past the fact that I was a bastard and decided to keep me around. You guys helped me come to terms with things that I once thought was impossible to come to terms with. You’ve all even helped me heal from those stupid, shitty triggers. I really don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t ended up here, especially looking back to where I was at my previous server.”

He saw everyone’s face gain some form of affection at his words. The pat on his back and the hand on his was all he needed to know that he woild go through with this. They’ve housed him and healed him for over 2 years, they deserved to know what they saved him from.

“Alright, it all started when I got an invite to Dream’s server, the Dream SMP.”

————

Grian didn’t know how to react, how to feel. How could he? It’s not everyday that you find out that the amazing big brothers you idolized weren’t so amazing after all. How could the people that vowed to look after their baby brothers turn around and break the youngest one? Tommy claimed that everything was a misunderstanding, and that he deserved his punishments, but no one deserved punishments that severe.

“-I tried telling them how that made me feel, but Technoblade and Wilbur said that it had to stay in the pit. Tubbo tried to tell me that it wasn’t a big deal, but he was terrified of fireworks for so long after that. Not just fireworks, loud noises in general.”

Grian could tell how uneasy everyone was feeling, but they all understood not to prevent the boy from sharing. He had a lot of built up trauma that he tried forcing away, and that wasn’t healthy for him. He had to get everything off his chest, for the betterment of his mentality and health in general. Grian tried not to grimace as Tommy moved onto the death of the president, how he died of a heart attack. Doing his best to make sure his brother was comfortable, he periodically offered the younger boy drink and snack breaks in order to collect his thoughts. Tommy was grateful for these. 

“-He was so mad that we reinstalled a person to be our leader, saying that we betrayed him, but that’s not the case! I promise you it wasn’t! I wouldn’t have intentionally betrayed someone that I saw as my brother, my idol, my...my friend.”

Grian put an arm around the slouching boy and after making a mental note to help him fix his posture offered him a hand. Tommy happily accepted the comfort, trying his best to compose himself.

“And then he...he...”

“What is it, Tommy? What did Techno do?”

“He asked me if I wanted to be a hero. I didn’t even get to properly answer him. I still remember his words, they are forever engraved in my brain. ‘You wanna be a hero, Tommy? Then die like one!’ Then he set fucking withers on my nation, my home. Pathetic, isn’t it? Haha, and that’s not the worst part! That wasn’t even the worst disaster to have happened on that stupid, cursed day. My nation was blown up, and when I had turned to see what happened, I saw Wilbur, standing there, laughing at the chaos. Next thing I knew, dad- er, Phil, he...he killed him. I lost Wilby. I couldn’t save him from his madness.”

His voice had gotten much quieter as he spoke about that painful day. If everyone wasn’t so quiet they would have missed it, the way Tommy’s voice broke and quivered. Trying not to break, he leaned into his older brother, not paying any attention to the height difference. Grian, in turn, was holding his little brother as if the world would crumble if he let go. His brother was dead, the other blinded by his personal morals. And his father, his hero, murdered his son in front of the others. Grian did his best to listen to what Tommy was saying, not wanting him to feel unsupported. He just sat there and listened.

“-He didn’t even say goodbye to me. He just stood there as Dream took me away. Ghostbur went along with me, which I was grateful for, but the company of a ghost can only go so far, especially when it’s of your late brother.”

No one could believe the burdens put upon the shoulders of these two boys. They shouldn’t have had to deal with any of this, yet they were forced to do so. They couldn’t get mad at Tubbo, he didn’t deserve to be despised after having to deal with such a stressful decision at such a young age. Iskall took over trying to comfort Tommy while Grian tried to drink as much water as he could, as if it would drown all the emotions he was feeling. He felt absolutely sick hearing what Dream put his baby brother through. He suddenly felt amazing at being a Dream slayer. He was sure Tommy would find comfort in that. Tommy eventually got to the end of his stay with Techno. 

“I was hoping that he would understand why I didn’t stay, why I had to leave. As much as I care for him, he was feeding in to my negative thoughts, and I had to prevent myself from becoming everything I didn’t want to be. He didn’t get it, though. I still saw him as a friend, a brother, but he only saw me as a selfish traitor. He only saw me as someone who wanted to use him as a weapon. Phil called me a traitor, too, and they took down my tower. It’s okay, everyone sees them as ugly pieces of shit. Tubbo and I began to slowly heal our friendship as we prepared for Doomsday, but that’s when things got weird. As Tubbo and I went on a walk to discuss our plan, some weird portal opened up in the ground. I felt weightless as I fell in, and then I ended up here. I’ve been here with you guys ever since.”

Before he could say anything else, Tommy was engulfed into an embrace. Grian buried his brother’s face into his chest, kissing his brother’s hair as he rocked him back and forth. Iskall joined in and rubbed the boy’s back, Mumbo approaching and supporting Grian and Tommy’s weight so they wouldn’t fall. Xisuma stood behind the two, hand on Tommy’s shoulder. One by one, Stress, Scar, Joe, Tango, False, everyone began to join in on the comfort circle to give support to the brothers.

--------

Grian and Tommy had not detached from each other since the campfire. No one pointed that out, not this time. They just gave the birdie personal space with his raccoon of a brother. Everyone gave the two smiles, wishing them goodnight as they all left to stay in the lodging of their choosing in the adventure park. Tommy and Grian waved at them before turning to leave to their choice in lodging. After a while, they arrived to their destination, the Antarctic Empire. After standing in the hall and debating which room to stay in, they eventually decided to stay the night in Grian’s room. Once the were changed for bed, the two just sat on the bed, unsure whether or not they should talk about something or force themselves to sleep. Finally, sucking in a breath of confidence, Tommy spoke up.

“So, since festival week is in a few months, wanna help me plan our outfits and hand out fliers?”

[prettytamagnii]

Here for you, with you (JJ X Reader)

Fandom: Outer Banks

Trigger Warning: ANXIETY, ANXIETY ATTACK

Disclaimer: I am a person with anxiety, and I decided to write this oneshot after an anxiety attack I had recently. I don't want to romanticize anxiety, or sugarcoat the reality of how it really affects us; what I want is to put my feelings to paper (screen, wtv) as a way to cope with my struggles. Anxiety is NOT solved with an hug from your crush, it is something that must be continuously treated, with help from a therapist. The support of your loved ones is definitely important, and that's what this oneshot is about, but don't forget that mental health issues like this require professional help and treatment, and that healing is not a linear process, but a continuous journey.

Summary: You have an anxiety attack during a Pogue's party, and JJ, your (not really) unrequited crush stays with you throughout it.

Tags: Oneshot, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Outer Banks imagine, Pogue! Reader.

***

Loud music, strong drinks, euphoric people messing around - that's what a typical Pogue party looks like. That's what tonight was all about. An abundance of young people, pogues and kooks alike, gathered around the front of John B's house, everyone with a cup on their hand, you included.

You didn't really like the taste of beer, it was too sour for you, but you often drank so you would fit in - you'd never admit this, of course. Kiara always assured you that you didn't have to drink if you didn't want to, you should never do anything out of pressure. You understood that, you knew your friends wouldn't mock you if you didn't drink, but a feeling of invisible peer pressure still haunted you during those parties, where not everyone was your friend, not everyone cared if you were uncomfortable with the noise or the alcohol. So, you'd drink. You'd try to blend in, to relax, to ignore all those feelings that hurted you, haunted you.

Tonight, you couldn't do it.

It had been a rough day before the party started, and the stress of this party environment was just strengthening those heart-wrenching thoughts and feelings. It was like there was no air left to breathe, your body was clenching around itself and you felt like you would explode. As your vision got foggy and the floor escaped your feet, you ran away into John B's house and looked for a place to lay down and escape that awful feeling.

There was a spare room, kind of a guest room where you always stayed when you stayed for the night. As you made your way into the room, people couldn't help but stare, some of them worried they saw a person looking so distressed. You ignored it all, for all you needed was to close that door and lay down in the comfortable bed. Just as you did it, you closed your eyes, allowing all of the tears to leave your eyes. It hurted inside, but it also freed you from the pain. There was peace in letting your tears run free, until there wasn't anything else to cry about.

"Y/N?" you heard Kiara knocking on the door. You had no energy to talk, but you managed to answer her.

"I'm in here."

"Are you OK?" she asked "You disappeared out of nowhere, everyone is worried about you."

Everyone? You highly doubted it. Out of everyone who was at that party, your friends were John B, ever since you two were very young, and Kiara, since you've always been classmates. Throught them you've also became friends with Pope, a very nice guy and the responsible one of the bunch, Sarah, the kook girl with a pogue heart after falling in love with John B... And JJ. Young, wild and free JJ, whose snarky smile and ocean eyes had got you smitten a long time ago. You kept your feelings a secret from anyone you knew, however, since something inside you, a gut-wrenching voice, told you repeatedly that he saw you as nothing more than a friend. You've tried to get over your crush, but these feelings wouldn't leave you. They stood strong and stubborn against the voice of your insecurities that told them to give up.

Tears kept rolling down your face as the face of the golden haired guy invaded your mind. Now that was no place, no time to think about him. A one-sided crush was the last thing you wanted to occupy your head as you tried to battle an anxious episode. Not another thing to be sad, worried, anxious about.

"For fucks sake, now is not the time!" you heard Kiara yelling, but she wasn't talking to you. Another voice reached your ears, unmistakable.

"Why not? I wanna see her" JJ's assertive voice shook your heartbeat.

"She doesn't sound OK, JJ" Kiara insisted "She's definitely not in the mood to party, let her rest."

"I'm not going back to the party, Kie. I'm staying here with her."

Having said this, the door opened and you lifted your head up to see JJ and Kiara walking into the room. You hoped they couldn't hear the beating of your heart, faster than light.

"Y/N" he called you. You tried to look him in the eyes, but you didn't want him to see your tears. Too late.

"Y/N!" they both approached you.

"I told you she needed to rest!" Kiara scolded JJ, before turning to you "I'm sorry-"

"It's alright" your voice was frail. You looked up, both your friends were obviously worried.

"Are you sure?" Kiara asked. Your eyes met JJ's, a part of wanted to scream. You had heard him saying he wanted to stay with you. And god, did you want that too. But at the same time, you were scared. You shouldn't lean on an unlikely hope that maybe, just maybe he could feel about you the way you felt about him. Yet another instance of wishful thinking, no solid truth behind it. Fuel to those oppressive, heart-shattering feelings.

"I want to stay here. Go have fun, you two" you told them. Kiara nodded, assuring you you could call her should you need anything. She went back outside, but JJ didn't move. The usually laid back, charismatic guy now looked so shy before your eyes.

"Y/N" he called.

"Yes?"

He held his breath.

"Do you want company?"

It caught you off-guard. You blinked, in disbelief.

"What?"

"It's... I'm, sorry, it's fine if you want to be alone" he stuttered. Your gaze couldn't leave his, as you took a step in the front.

"I don't want to be alone" you said "But I don't want to hold you back either."

JJ waved his head in disagreement.

"You're not holding me back. I want to stay here with you, if you want me to."

You tried to ignore your heart nearly jumping out of your chest as you heard him. Conflicted between your small hope and what was real, so you thought, you looked him in the eyes and spoke.

"I would like you to stay here."

He nodded, approaching you. He smelled like the ocean waves clashing against the rocks and sand, a long day at the beach, and maybe a little bit like weed. Still, his presence filled you, and you couldn't help but lean on to hug him. You shyly wrapped your arms around him, and a wight was lifted off your chest when he hugged you back, his arms holding you tight against his body. His hands running through your head, soothing you as your tears ran free.

"Hush now, Y/N" his voice sounded deeper than usual, but caring. You wanted to cry even more, not out of pain but out of commotion.

"Why does this has to happen to me?" you cried "Why am I like this?"

"It is not your fault, Y/N. We all have our inner demons, it's not always an easy battle to fight" he answered, pressing his lips softly against your forehead. You melted into that gesture, a cathartic moment when your wounds were attended to, mended with his touch. It still hurted, but in that touch there was hope that the best was yet to come.

"My demons are such motherfuckers" you said, a small laugh leaving your throat. You smiled as you heard him laughing too.

"But they are no match for you" JJ kissed your forehead lightly again "They are no match for us."

"Us?" you looked up to meet his eyes again. He pulled you closer, until your noses touched.

"Us, because I'm here for you" he answered, smiling "Maybe I haven't showed it, but you are very special to me, Y/N. I like you a lot."

You must have misheard it. Misunderstood it. Could JJ feel the same way about you as you did about him? It seemed so unreal. Too good to be true.

"Are you serious?" you whispered lowly, the thought of stealing a kiss from his lips never leaving your mind. He was so close you could almost feel the warmth of his mouth in your skin. That's when you realize, his lips rest in near the corner of your mouth.

"I am" he answered and you couldn't hold yourself anymore. You pressed your lips against his, briefly kissing him, and pulled away for a moment.

"Is this okay?" the question leaves your mouth. You look at his face and his eyes shine before you.

"Y/N..." he mumbled, but stopped at a loss of words. Instead, he pulled you for a kiss. You melted into him as his lips brushed against yours, soft at first but progressively becoming more eager.

"I have been wanting to do this for so long" he confessed, his lips still lingering on yours.

"So have I..." it was your turn to confess. It still felt so odd that it was really happening, that the guy you were sure didn't have any feelings for you had kissed you. It seemed to good to be true. But as your hands wandered from his shoulders to his face, and he smiled, playing with your hair, you knew it was real.

The party would go on through the night, but you still didn't want to go back. Instead, you fell on the bed, relaxing with JJ by your side. He held you in his arms, soothing your inner turmoil, a reminder that no storm lasted forever. That even when it didn't seem like it, there was hope. There was always hope.

*thanks for reading *

[animeyanderelover]

Hello!,if you don't mind, could i request Prompt no 120. With Ronald? 😳😳 Thank you!

Clingy baby.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, clinginess, possessiveness, manipulation

Prompt 120: “Jealous! Jealous! Jealous! Mine! Mine! Mine”

You must have looked quite pitiful right now. You guessed so at least from the way people kept glancing at you, eying you with those eyes that told you that they felt sorry for you. It didn’t really help you right now, instead it only led you to feeling more and more embarrassed and abandoned. And from the way you hunched over, trying to hide yourself from their gazes which only led to them staring more at you, you knew the pressure and discomfort was getting to you.

He hadn’t come. It was not the first time, he was a busy man. But it was the first time he had let you waiting for so long without making his abrupt appearance. He would need a very good excuse for this one, letting you sit and wait for him in this damn bar like a complete fool.

A short glance at your pocket watch told you that he had been already for nearly an hour too late which made you wonder what the heck had him that occupied to come that late. Or had he simply forgotten that he was supposed to meet you today? That would really make you feel stupid and like you weren't that important to him which was why you hoped that this wasn't the case. Or else one whole hour you had sat here for nothing.

For a short moment you listened to the people around you, to all the lulling, laughing and the music in this place. People making toasts, talking and joking together, getting drunk and flirting with each other. The atmosphere around you was so happy and carefree. You clearly didn't fit in right now, an outsider with a gloomy heart watching longingly from far away. You didn't think you could be able to mix in, not when everyone was aware that you had been rejected and waited for still nearly a whole hour.

You drowned the sigh that was crawling up your lips with a huge gulp of the drinking glass in front of you, alongside with your tears of frustration and irritation. You hadn't drunken too much, your tolerance for alcohol was pretty good and so the three drinks shouldn't affect you too much. You slammed the pot angrily down, the burning feeling of the liquid in your throats starting to cause you to feel rather pissed than hurt. That damn bastard would have to do some good explanation or otherwise you would guarantee to give him your own handmade hell.

Without a further word you stood up, wiping your wet lips with your sleeve and throwing some money on the counter. Maybe the man behind the bar wanted to say something, but he quickly shut his mouth when seeing your grim expression, only quickly wishing you a pleasant night which made you scoff. You simply grabbed your coat and stomped quickly out of this place, throwing everyone who seemed to want to speak with you a silent and warning glare that it would be better to leave you alone right now.

But the true thing that had you nearly going berserk was that as soon as you had rushed outside, taking notice of the dark clouds in the sky and the rumbling of the thunder, only shortly after you felt the first raindrop hitting you. Followed by another. And another. And one after that. And shortly after it was pouring buckets out of the sky, leaving you in only a short time completely drenched. You hadn't taken an umbrella with you, you had simply forgotten it because you had feared that you would come to late. Now look where you were.

"I should have just stayed at home snuggled up in my bed.", you thought darkly, pulling the collar of your long coat a bit higher to get a bit protection. Right now you really thought about cursing out loud and letting all of your frustration out, but if someone would hear you they would probably think off you as a drunk creep and you didn't want to make yourself appear even more of a fool. You had enough embarrassement for this day. You didn't need more.

"Stupid Ronald.", you cussed silently, starting to run to reach your house faster and to save this rather unlucky day of yours. And if you were lucky, you wouldn't catch a cold and be able to go to work tomorrow perfectly normal as if nothing had ever happened. Yes, that sounded good. Just forgetting about that guy and making yourself a cozy night. And if he would dare to show up, you would strangle him.

"Hey there! You, please wait up!"

Who the heck would be outside whilst it felt like the whole ocean was pouring down from th sky? You naturally assumed that the guy had to mean you since there was not a single soul outside except you. You felt slightly confused when you turned around, being met with a man around your age running behind you, holding an umbrella in his hand. Wait. Wasn't that one of the people in the bar? Why was he following you?

As nice as this act of his might have been, having ran after you to shield you with his umbrella from the rain, you were really in a salty mood right now.

"What do you want? I'm not made of sugar, you know? I can handle this rain without the help of a wanna-be-gentle-man.. If you want to pity on me, just crawl back to the place you've come from.", you replied in a meant-to-be-mean voice, giving him a grim look that obviously surprised and shocked him, staring confused down at you. Such rudeness had he probably not seen coming, especially from someone who had been ditched and was soaked from top to the bottom with the rain.

And maybe you had been expecting him to leave after this, hoping to have signaled him that you wanted to be left alone and just go home, throwing yourself in your bed and forget this shitty evening. You had for that moment lost the belief in kindness and understanding of living beings for others. That was exactly the reason why you got flustered when he instead of being offended and insulting you back, he just gave you a smile and scratched his head a bit.

"I don't think that would be a good idea. I noticed that you have no umbrella with you and when the storm started, I simply got worried. It's also pretty late and whilst I see the chance of someone with bad intentions being now outside, I still thought it would be wiser to accompany you a bit until you're brought home."

You gave him the raised-eyebrow-look, not completely buying his reason. You guessed he might just be a very friendly person, but that was not enough of a reason to let him do as he planned. "I appreciate the help, but I can handle myself just fine. Thank you for caring though. In that area you're better than a certain someone.", you grumbled out, pushing him a bit away and enduring the never-ending rain once again.

"I know how this feels."

This made you stop, glancing behind you at the guy whose smile looked by now a bit forced, recalling a memory he didn't like to think about.

"Excuse you?"

"You've been waiting for someone in the bar, haven't you? The way you've constantly been staring at your pocket watch, the entrance and the way you've looked sadder and sadder. I know that feeling as well, it's quite disappointing, having your high expectations crushed just like this whilst everyone around you doesn't really care. Makes you feel like you want to yell all of your frustration out and to punch the air. I guess I just wanted to...try to help you and be a bit there for you. I know I'm just a stranger, but maybe I can still help."

His short speech managed to dumbfound you a bit, for someone who looked like a small troublemaker he was quite the decent guy. "So he's been left waiting before as well, hmm?"

Your anger was quickly vanishing, sympathy starting to bubble up in your stomach for the man who still looked like he was upset about it.

"How long have you known the girl before...you know?", you asked, careful to not trigger him. "A few months. She was really cute and kind and I really thought that we got along very well. But apparently I was wrong. She left me for another one. I hope that in your case it is just a misunderstanding, but it still weights quite heavily, especially when they were the one who planned it in the first place. It makes you feel like an idiot."

He knew indeed how you felt currently, giving you a sudden temptation to tell him a bit about yourself. He didn't look like someone dangerous. He himself had seemed pretty isolated from the rest of the people in the bar, maybe because he had been rejected in there as well. This bar was definitely not a good place for couples, was it?

"If you don't want me to do this I'll leave. You just looked so sad, I thought that maybe a bit company would feel good. You don't have to talk or anything like this."

"It's fine. Having someone to talk too right now does sound nice. Better than getting caught in thoughts of how to kill my boyfriend for not coming to our date like this."

That guy, Simon was his name, turned out to be quite the fun guy to be with. Both of you got along surprisingly well, even though you intended to keep it in a platonic way. Talking to him helped you calming a bit down and you knew that you still loved Ronald and had to let him explain himself later on. But only after you had forgiven him completely.

Who knew, maybe you would run one day into that guy again. But you definitely felt grateful when he escorted you home, said his goodbye and left you afterwards, mentioning before that that he believed that your boyfriend had to have some sort of accident since no one would just ditch someone like you without a good reason. He was nice and you actually ended up wanting to punch the girl who had rejected him for someone else.

“Well, this day was not as terrible after all. I just want to go to bed and sleep now. I’ll pass on the bath.”, you decided, stretching yourself and letting out a yawn whilst putting your cloak somewhere where the fabric could dry.

The storm was still going on, thunder and lightning interrupting the silence every once in a while and you hoped that your new friend would arrive safely. He had mentioned that he lived not too far away though, so maybe he merely needed a few minutes.

No way that someone would be still out in this unbearable weather, right?

So the sudden knocking on your door, persistent and loud, startled you a lot more than you would want to admit later on, every once in a while being covered by the growling of the sky.

“(y/n)! Please open the door! I have to talk to you!”

That voice…No way! You could have hesitated for much longer whether to let him in or not, but when a sudden hit of the wind whipped raindrops against your windows and you realized that Ronald was still standing outside, you decided to show mercy. You had gone through this storm as well.

That did not mean that you harbored salty feelings inside of you when you turned the doorknob around, planning to lecture him the moment you would see his face.

However, the first word you had planned to spit out got stuck in your throat when you saw the condition he was in. Well, the fact that he was completely wet was no real surprise to you, your hair was still dripping as well and even your clothes under the cloak had not been unharmed. But he looked like he had gotten in some sort of fight looking at his torn clothes and you could see a bruise on his face.

“Ronald! What happened to you?!”

You quickly checked for any blood, but luckily didn’t find anything except the blood on his face, helping you to feel relaxed a bit. He had no serious injuries except a few bruises here and there, but this was more than enough to make all of your anger fade away. Suddenly you had a pretty solid idea to why he had been so late, remembering the stories you had been told about street gangs targeting persons alone and beating them for money and whatever they might have with them.

You attempted to support him with your body, but he just quickly walked inside, slamming the door closed behind him and leaning against the wood. The look on his face was…hard to describe, but you definitely knew that it gave you an eerie vibe.

“You surely seemed to have fun with that guy.”

Apathetic. He sounded incredible apathetic in that moment, looking with exhausted eyes at you, betrayal swimming in them. Originally you would have yelled at him that he had come too late, but how could you after having seen him in such a condition?

“Ronald…He just walked me home because I had nothing to shield me with from this rain.”, you said weakly in your defence, guilt consuming you for ever having doubted him like this.

“I know that. I know that I must have made you think I forgot when I came so late. I got caught up in some troubles whilst finishing my work. I hate doing overwork and just today I wanted to finish quickly. Still though…Couldn’t you have just waited in the bar until the storm was over? I had to rush the whole way from there to your house after being told that you left and one of the guys from the bar followed you.”

You really didn’t know how to reply. Had he seriously thought that you would wait that long for him? Was he that confident in you? It was either really arrogant of him to think that or he really just trusted you sincerely that much. And since you felt currently terrible, the latter on got the better of you which made you indeed feel like the culprit. If you would have waited just a bit longer…

“Are you mad with me?”

“No! How could I? I’m just glad you weren’t seriously hurt.”, you protested fiercely, feeling a familiar stinging in your eyes.

“Good to hear. I was quite worried when I caught a glimpse of you with that other guy since you looked like he had just made your day a better one. I know I shouldn’t feel that way, he only helped you. But still…”

When he suddenly latched onto you, pressing his wet body against your own and causing you to worry that he would hurt himself like this, you quickly noticed that he really was worn out now, leaning his weight against yours for a bit support.

“Jealous! Jealous! Jealous! Mine! Mine! Mine!”

It made you almost laugh when hearing him chanting those words if it wouldn’t have been for this rather messed up scenario and that he didn’t sound like his usual self, much more distraught which made you wonder if this was really only because why he had seen you with your new fellow or because of what had happened to him. But one thing was clear. You wouldn’t doubt him like this again.

[queenmuzz]

So, anyways, I saw something @liulyam had posted for Spardaverse a while back I DON'T KNOW HOW I MISSED THEIR WONDERFUL ART FORGIVE ME! Anyways, I saw specifically THIS piece of art, and it sent the brain juices into overdrive....

So, the same thing plays out everyday. Nero gets off the school bus and runs in, backpack flying, and tells his uncle excitedly about his day at school, before racing up the stairs to tell his dad the same thing, in the same adorably animated manner. Unfortunately, Vergil doesn’t respond the same way as Dante, sitting still, not even acknowledging that the boy is talking to him. Initially, Nero doesn’t mind, understanding his recently rescued father has been through a lot, and needs time and patience to recover. But as the months pass by, Dante notices that his nephew doesn’t run up the front steps as eagerly, his descriptions of school become shorter, paler. And most worryingly of all, Nero spends less and less time with Vergil, preferring to peek his head in the man’s room, sigh, and slowly make his way to his own room, closing the door sullenly.

“What’s going on Nero?” Dante takes the plunge and asks him one day, before the boy trudges up the stairs. “You haven’t been that rambunctious ball of energy lately.”

Nero kicks the worn hardwood floor. “It’s dad… I know you told me I need to be patient,” his face scrunches up at the word, it’s a thing he’s never been able to truly do. He’s definitely a Sparda boy. “But he just keeps ignoring me. He won’t talk, won’t even look at me. It’s like I don’t even exist! Maybe...maybe he doesn’t want me to exist-”

“Hey now!” Dante needs to nip this train of thought in the bud. He knows first hand where it can lead to. Had he not found Nero nearly nine years ago, while wandering the world, drinking up every bar’s entire inventory in a vain attempt to fill a void in his chest, who knows where he would have ended up? “Your dad...well, even without the stuff he’s been through, he was never much of a talker. Always preferred to have his actions speak for him.” “But that’s the thing, Uncle Dante!” Nero blurts out, close to tears. “He DOESN’T DO ANYTHING!!! He doesn’t care!” And with that, Nero bolts up the stairs, past Vergil’s room, not even checking up on him, and slams his bedroom door with such force, Eva’s portrait wobbles on the desk and tips over. Dante sighs, sets his mom back up, and slowly makes his way up the stairs. Not to Nero’s room; Dante knows better than to provoke that tiger cub when he’s in an ornery mood. It’s time to talk to his dad.

Vergil, or what’s left of him, is sitting in an oversized chair, the only one that fits his giant frame, facing the window, the only one in the place with a view. If he’s heard the ruckus (and Dante knows he has), he makes no indication that it affects him.

“Verg,” he calls out, “I know it's been rough, I know I piled on a lot of shit on you, the whole thing about having a kid and everything these past nine years. I’m not expecting you to just snap back to normal, and start insulting me like in the good old days, but…” Dante’s not good at this sort of thing. He’d rather Royal Guard his emotional turmoil. It used to be with alcohol, but now it’s with a cheery smile. “The kid needs a sign that you’re still there, you’re still fighting. I know you are, hell, you’re the one that helped me take down that bastard Mundus on Mallet Island. But that’s the thing, Nero’s only heard things that you’ve done, not seen them. You need to show him yourself, otherwise…” Vergil makes no motion, and even Dante, stubborn as he is, knows it’s fruitless to continue much more, “you’re gonna lose him too.” And then Dante heads back downstairs, to see if he can whip up a snack to bribe his nephew to come out of his lair. Strange, he swears he hears the rustle of fabric from Vergil’s room, as if his brother had just moved.

--

Nero sits at Dante’s desk, working on his math homework. It’s his least favourite thing, fractions. Uncle Dante is a whiz at them, and usually would be able to help him, but he’s gone out on an ‘Really quick, won’t be more than a half hour’ errand run. It’s been nearly two hours, and the only other adult here is his dad… so Nero is practically by himself.

Suddenly, the hairs on the back of Nero’s neck prick up, and he hears scrabbling at the front door. He’s still not allowed to go out with Uncle Dante or Auntie Lady on their hunts, but he knows what a demon feels like, especially when there are a lot of them. ESPECIALLY when they’re really powerful Instinctively, he grabs a chair, and wedges it underneath the door knob, and looks around in a panic. He’s never had to deal with a demon attack by himself before. He remembers his uncle has a case of weapons that he was told to NEVER touch beside the jukebox, but Nero figures that he can say sorry to his uncle later. He smashes the lock with a billiard ball, and yanks open the lid. He’s disappointed. He thought there would be a treasure trove of swords and guns, but all there are two swords, one red and one blue. But he doesn’t have much of a choice, and the whine of protesting wood ends with a thunderous CRASH, and demons pour through. “FIND THE HERETIC GOD SLAYER!” One says, before turning in Nero’s direction. Without much warning, it shrieks as it launches at him with razor sharp obsidian claws.

Nero might be little, but his uncle has trained him well. Whipping the two blades around, they connect the monster’s waist in a pincer move, and like a pair of scissors, bisect it in a shower of blood and ash. Nero swears he hears a voice (or is it two voices?) approvingly say, “Impressive!” but doesn’t have a chance to savour his very first demon kill as another demon comes at him, knocking him over. The reddish gold blade clatters away on the floor, way out of reach, not that it matters. Nero’s pinned to the ground by a skeletal foot, as the demon lifts a blade to impale him. He squeezes his eyes shut, preparing for the end.

The final blow never comes. Instead, he hears shriek, and the pressure on his chest instantly subsides. He opens his eyes, to see it stagger back, its decapitated head clattering to the floor. Its brethren likewise are either dead or dying, their high pitched screams shattering the glass in the jukebox.

Nero’s first thought is that his Uncle has finally come home, Dante’s come to save me! But what’s odd is that there’s no sound of Dante’s beloved Ebony and Ivory. And last he checked, his uncle never was able to shoot out blue ghostly blades that now impale most of the horde. But it doesn’t matter, because his uncle is here to save the day! That is, until he yelps as he’s quickly, but not roughly picked up and held as whoever holds him spirits him out of the building, the blue blade still clutched in his hand. Nero begins to panic, but hears a voice, almost like a croak, as if the vocal cords had been in disuse for years…

Nero

And even though the voice is harsh sounding, it's one of the most comforting things Nero’s ever heard.

--

Of course that half hour errand run would turn out to be three hours. But when he was promised a free pizza for clearing out that demon nest on the West side, Dante couldn’t say no. Besides, he’d pick up some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies on the way home as a way of apologising to Nero. The kid might be cross with him, but he’d forgive him the moment he smelled those chewy biscuits. Dante might even let him have more than half of the package.

So when he gets home to find his front door smashed open, his office trashed, and worst of all his jukebox shattered-wait no, worst of all, his nephew missing, all thoughts of pizza and cookies vanish from his mind as he rushes in, guns drawn. There’s no sign of life, but the black splatters of demonic ichor painting the walls shows that some real bad mojo went down here. The strangest thing though, is Agni, a weapon Dante was definitely sure he had under lock and key, laying there on the ground, alone.

“Alright, time to spill your guts” he yanks the blade up so that he’s at eye level with the pommel, “What the hell happened here?” Agni makes the same response as Vergil. Which means silence.

“I swear to…” he pulls out ivory, and presses the muzzle into the (more troubled than usual looking face), “You’re gonna tell me what went down, or we’re gonna see how many bullets I can jam into your ugly mug.” “You told us to remain silent.” He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, consider that rule temporarily relaxed.” “There was an attack.” Agni starts, its distorted voice unusually agitated, “The little one fought with great valour, but eventually even he was overwhelmed.” Dante’s blood goes cold. “But then a great bulk of a demon came out and slaughtered the attacking filth, and spirited the boy away, alongwith my brother.”

“Rudra’s still with Nero?” That’s odd, if they were trying to capture the kid, they’d disarm him first.

“Yes, they are not far, I think they’ve stopped moving.”

“Alright,” Dante makes his way out of the disfigured wood, “let’s go find the kid and your bro...and if he’s alright, maybe I’ll reconsider giving back your talking privileges.” “Oh, that would be wonderful, will you allow us to leave the dark box? It’s been so long since we’ve fought, we crave batt- ”

“I said IF, and I won’t guarantee anything if you keep jabbering on and on.”

--

Angi directs the demon hunter to a dark secluded alleyway, a few blocks from Devil May Cry. One hand on its hilt ready for attack, the other fingering the trigger of Ivory, he cautiously makes his way past the recently overturned garbage cans, to a shadow alcove, where a shadow crouches. Beside it is Rudra, glowing faintly, it’s turquoise blue light providing enough illumination for Dante to make out what has happened. There’s Nero, peacefully slumbering away, apparently unharmed, not even his shirt is torn. And holding him gently, stroking his downy white hair with a giant hand...is Vergil… And for once, even though he is still staring straight ahead, there’s a different look on his face, a sense of contentment.

Huh Dante thinks to himself as he holsters the weapons, I was right, actions DO speak louder than words.