#n when they find out they like check him into rehab LMAO

[cutemeat]

charlie kelly in s15 was like... finally back to core charlie.. like s1-s3 charlie thats HIM!!!

[thatweeboverthereisthirsty]

hello! i saw your headcanons for your six fav chars dating an s/o who smokes and it cracked me up😂😂😂(especially Malleus' LMAO) can i please request the first years reaction to their s/o vaping/smoking? thank you!!💗💗💗💗💗 (i can imagine Sebek is just constant yelling...oof😶)

Ok so like Jack is really out of character but I needed to just post something to get my groove back and here it is.

Characters: Ace, Deuce, Jack, Epel

Ace:

So like everything was good and chill until Ace saw you pull out a cigarette and his brain did a loopty loop

HAHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S JUST A FAKE! CAUSE YOU WOULD NEVER SMOKE! AHAHAHAHAH… NO!

Gimme that nasty ass cancer stick

10/10 times would say yeet and toss the pack across the room

Ace why are you like this

Your still in the middle of processing what happened when he grabs your face with a hand on each side

Your face is squished and your lips make fish lips

“Why would you choose death over me? I thought we had something!”

90% of his scolding would be ridiculous and overly funny, but in the end he makes you throw the cigarettes away and promise to never smoke again

“If you smoke again I swear to god I’ll get riddle in here and he will beat your *ss to neptune and back”

Deuce:

Oh you’re vaping. Interesting

*several minutes later*

*Insert dramatic gasp here*

Straight up runs from the room

You’re sitting here like umm… sis what?

When he comes back he grabs the vape and leaves again

“Sorry I need this for a moment”

It’s a solid 5 minutes before he comes back gasping for breath

“Where’d you put my vape?”

...Where did he put your vape

Literally has no idea what he did with it but does know that he was flipping out and ran like all the way around Heartslaybul at least twice

You get 17 texts from other students who are questioning his behavior

“You could have just asked me to put it away”

He looses it and rants about how awful vaping is and explains that as the bad boy he knows that it’s not worth it

In the end you promise to never do any form of drugs again and he calms down

“But like for real do you have no idea what you did with it”

Que Riddle randomly finding a vape on the ground somewhere *dials up Trey* “Collect the children. We’re about to have a public execution.”

Jack:

So like where’d this weird smell of Nicotine come from

Oh it’s you

Haha how odd, Jack would never think someone as bright as you would smoke

Then you’ve pulled out a cigarette and Jacks over protective wolf instincts kick in and he’s snatched it so fast you thought it simply vanished

Absolutely no amount of pleading will have him give it back to you

He’s probably also gonna frisk you for more (his face was red the whole time lol)

He looks you dead in the eye and says if he catches you again he will take you to rehab despite your insistence that rehab is for people who are addicted

That doesn’t matter to him and he’s also probably gonna do research and hold his own little rehab for you

“I’m not doing this because I care about you. I’m doing it so you don’t smell funny.”

Oh Jack you are not fooling anyone

Would buy a pack of cigarettes just to have you flush it down the toilet

Sends you articles and videos about people who died by smoking and sends charts about the stats behind smoking

At some point Leona walked down the hall to get to his room and saw Jack smuggling anti-smoking and sobriety posters with bows on them and packs of cigarettes into his room

It was probably a solid minute before Leona snapped out of his shock and decided he could have Ruggie deal with it later

You wished you could have been there for that conversation

“So jack. Leona wanted me to come and just… check in. He saw you had a few… um… questionable items with you.” - Ruggie

That sort of diffused the situation a bit but Jack still likes to pat your pockets down anytime he thinks something is remotely off

Epel:

Honestly Epel is the type to stay quiet when he first discovers your little habit

Not that he doesn’t care 

He will probably wear himself out with worry but not ever actually tell you what's going on because he was taught to respect people's decisions

Even if they are bad ones

Eventually Vil decides he’s going to get to the bottom of it and pretty much demands that Epel tell him what’s going on

“Your stress fit is seriously detrimental to your health and now since it hasn’t gone away you're making me stressed out, so Epel I swear to the queen if you don’t tell me what’s wrong and my skin breaks out I will poison you with the stomach flu for a week”

Vil probably wouldn’t really do that because vomiting is gross (and totally not cause I headcanon him having a soft spot for the adorable first year), but it does the trick and Epel spills about you vaping

A part of Vil wants to tell Epel to step aside so he can whip you for your ignorance towards your health, but he would also like to see the first year assert himself more

“Confidence is beauty. It doesn’t matter what you wear, you will never be beautiful if you don’t want to wear it.”

Not the greatest pep talk but Epel gets the point and immediately makes his way over to your dorm

You’re more than a little surprised when he walks over and grabs the vape from your hand

“Y/n you know I love you and that is why I am forbidding you from doing this any longer!”

Although he says it with force it’s clear that he is still nervous, so you can’t help but giggle

He immediately pouts and you try to stop your laughing

“Alright Epel, I will stop vaping”

Vil is thanking all his makeup that he didn’t have to step in, he has way more beautiful things to do with his time

[ruiyuki-archives]

bnha x psycho pass AU

This is an AU I wrote on the todomomo discord server eons ago. Anything posted to this blog will be transcripts of old original work and not really edited, save for formatting. I have no guarantees if I will ever finish these AUs either so these will only be kept as an archive. 

 Original transcript posted to tdmm discord: Mar 2019

OK @xharu‘s tdmm psycho pass au fanart got me like 💡💡💡 all day at work so like ASHFJGLS JUST TAKE THIS IDEA VOMIT

ok so part of me wants to have Inspector!Momo and Enforcer!Todo but also Inspector!Todo makes so much more sense

esp if All Might and Endeavor are high ranking inspectors in the Public Safety Bureau

So like lets go with Inspector!Todo that needs to live up to his dad's reputation and very-good-at-her-job-but-not-always-confident Inspector!Momo as a team leading Division 1

That consists of Todo, Momo, and KamiJirou as enforcers and two others idk I haven’t decided yet

BUT ANYWAY Inspector!Todo takes his job very seriously like Gino in pp s1 bc not only is there living up to Endeavor's reputation, its also making sure he doesn’t fuck up his psycho pass bc he’s not the first one to walk down the MWPSB path

Bc knowing me, ofc im gonna throw in Dabi there and ofc its going to be Dabi who was the first one to become an inspector for the MWPSB like Endeavor and ofc his story is that his pp falls down into latent criminal status and he’s demoted into Enforcer

And duh Endeavor is disappointed af that his eldest became an Enforcer and thus becomes that trash dad he is putting pressure on Todo to do better than his brother

And this is just more backstory not related to tdmm but y’all need context so.....

Dabi's an Enforcer who somehow manages to run away from house arrest in the MWPSB while on a mission and goes into hiding bc duh Sybil's got eyes everywhere

So on the run Latent Criminal Dabi manages to join up with Shigaraki's gang who are also a bunch of LCs hiding underground, and you can guess the rest but also more on that later

Ok back to tdmm:

Todo always tries to keep his crime coefficient at like 65 bc it really doesn’t go any lower considering he is under stress and he knows and that makes it worse so ya really like s1 Gino

Momo's good with her pp like Akane is so honestly it keeps around 20-30

(And for those that didn’t know, crime coefficients: 0-100 = you’re good, 100-300 = latent criminal, 300+ = Sybil doesn’t like you)

And Jirou probably hang around 110-120... Kaminari probs a little higher 150ish and part of me wants to make him like Kagari whos pp has been above 100 his whole life but nah im not gonna do that bc that’s playing the trope card

Anyway........

Other MWPSB members probably like this:

already mentioned All Might and Endeavor as top inspectors

Nedzu as the chief bc he knows and y k n o w from s1 👀👀👀

Division 2 is probs led by Inspector!Deku and Inspector!Bakugou under the mentorship of All Might

(another part of me wants to put Enforcer!Bakugou on tdmm's team but im really fighting myself over this)

Aizawa is Professor Saiga. thats it there’s nothing else.

Ok i lied maybe something else lmao idk mebbe Aizawa was an inspector during All Might’s and Endeavor’s generation but retired bc his pp was getting cloudy AND he clouds other people

but that doesn’t stop Dhinsou from getting mentored by him and eyyy Shinsou becomes the MWPSB's interrogator like Saiga does in s2

idk whos gonna be the analyst yet bc im learning toward Tsuyu for some reason

wait no scratch that. Eccentric analyst should be HATSUME MEI bc ofc shjfkaoa

Kendou, Tetsutetsu, Monoma and Yui and idk who else from 1-B make up Division 3 bc must have Class B in there and KendouMomo friendship okay

OKAY now then......

AfO is criminally asymptomatic (aka is villain af but Sybil doesn’t recognize his CC as what it really is) bc ofc he is

And guess what, Shig is too

So AfO nurtures Shig into a master manipulator n all that bc ofc he does bc "they’re both special"

And ofc AfO learns the secret of Sybil and becomes part of Sybil too bc y’know that’s how it is

But Shig doesn’t know that and he’s on a mission to find out where adoptive criminally asymptomatic mastermind dad went

But really this story will be Shig v Deku's team cuz gotta keep it organic

And tdmm's team will be v Dabi BC Y’KNOW

Makishima's role from the original pp will prob be divided between Shig and Dabi bc ya, sure, Shig is criminally asymptomatic but Dabi was an Inspector and knows the ins and outs of MWPSB so that’s why he joins Shig so they can play the system

So like, pp s1 there’s a bunch of cases that tdmm team goes thru thus:

1) one of em is Overhaul who runs a drug ring selling drugs that artificially lowers one's psycho pass

2) Gentle whos been quarantined his whole life in rehab bc his pp has been 100+ his whole life but breaks out bc he just really wants to be an Inspector of the MWPSB

And now the meat of tdmm is that they've been partners for a long time on Division 1 but even though they’re the same rank Momo relies on Todo too often for decisions on how to handle a case and Todo's always under pressure from Endeavor, he doesn,t ask for help when really EVERYONE CAN SEE IT. HE NEEDS MOMO AS HIS EMOTIONAL CRUTCH

Okay so idk what he actually did to incite the case (probably tried to bomb smth tbh) but the general idea is after tdmm team runs into Dabi and they confront him like Kogami + Akane did with Makishima at the tower. Basically, Todo loses it with seeing Touya becoming Dabi and tries to lethal eliminate him but ofc Momo knows that’s not the right thing to do since Dabi's coeff isnt 300+ yet and has to stop Todo but also stop Dabi from getting away

And Todo seeing Dabi makes his pp creep up reaaalllly close to 100+ which is Todo's greatest fear

So. Momo in the moment has to like throw the dominators away, tie up Todo or smth and knock out dabi all in a split second

And then finally todo comes to his senses while tied up and collapses on the floor like "im sorry.... thank you Momo. I believed in you"

And she collapses on the floor beside him too and they both kinda just put their heads together to take a moment bc ahsjjdslfs the whole situation was just too much

AT THE VERY END FINALE (assuming Dabi escapes like Makishima did or smth) WHEN TODO FINDS HIM, DABI'S GONNA BE LIKE "Im happy it ends this way and happy you found her bc I didn’t have someone like that to keep me afloat under all of dad's pressure"

(Note: whatever "ends this way" entails has yet to be decided)

(But he’s not gonna die and im not making Todo a killer)

this story could end with him leaving the country like Kogami did

And hey y’know what. lets do that. He escapes. that’s a re-occuring theme here lol

FOR FUNSIES:

The blossoming romance w Momo is what keeps Todo’s pp down. like it gradually drops from 65 to 40ish and he doesn’t notice it as plot and romance goes on until the very end when, the day after the finale when Dabi escapes, he wakes up, has an Official Date™ w Momo and then checks his pp later which suddenly is at 40

Qjdkkfsk how funny would it be if every time Todo thinks pervy thoughts of Momo his pp tracker spikes up from 40 to 70+ and whoever checks the trackers see it 😂😂😂

Bakugou just happens to check the monitors as Deku walks in like "Kacchan lets go its our shift" and Deku sees it too and he gets worried and consults Iida who talks to Kaminari bc he’s on Todo’s team and it goes around the MWPSB like wildfire among all the guys

So going out for drinks later is like 8 of them sans the Enforcers and really, most of the time Deku and Bakugou have their pp under control but when Todo tells them abt that moment, everyone is too sh00k and then THE WHOLE GROUP'S PP GETS TOO HIGH AND CAUSES AN AREA EFFECT ADKJDFJDAHSFK

the iinspectors themselves instigate a psycho hazard and the enforcers that stayed back, particularly the girls are like what the fuCK Guys

It probably becomes an inside joke among all the guys some ways down the line. they had to do their own damage control and it was A Disaster™ 😂😂😂

Aizawa is still the captain of the ship in this au bc even though he’s basically Saiga and retired, All might & Endeavor tell bkdk and tdmm's team to consult him bc he has really good insight on cases

and when Aizawa meets tdmm when they consult with him over Dabi's case he's so ONBOARD

And mebbe helps out with Todo's pp problem like dropping hints that hey, y’know, mebbe your partner can help - in more ways than one - if you just listen to her instead of tryna bottle it up all yourself

kamijirou has had a bet for how long it'll take them to fuck since they've been assigned under tdmm

Aizawa joins in on the bet

And honestly Bakugou probably does too only bc he gets pissed off looking at the unresolved sexual tension and being the victim so he wants to win

> archives masterpost 

[leovand]

ARIZONA U is proud to introduce you to LEONARDO “LEO” VAN DOREN , the twenty-five year old, undergraduate fine arts major in his SENIOR year. most of their peers deem them as someone who is +eccentric , +intelligent & +self-sufficient but i know that some of their professors think they’re more -self-righteous, -precipitous & -self-destructive, maybe that’s why the police are still interviewing them on the reopened cold case. maybe it was because they were also A BAD INFLUENCE for NATALIA LINDERMAN. i mean that is just a little suspicious, but i only really think of scuffed black combat boots, a car that always smells like weed, and meaningless tattoos when i hear their name, not murder. but i could be wrong. — MAXENCE DANET-FAUVEL.

boo bitch i’m gin, bout to head out to work but tbh i’ll be around to chat n plot bc whew it’s boring there !!!! anyway down below you’ll find a terrible bio + some wcs so come hmu and we’ll plot some angst or give this a like and i’ll slide in ur dms woo ah

also a tl;dr is right before the wcs and above that is a brief description of his connection to natalia

trigger warnings for drug use/abuse, addiction, and infidelity

background info

leo was born in london to two very wealthy parents, richard and cynthia van doren. richard was something of an inattentive father (particularly when it came to leo) and from early on beginning to distance himself from the family, and while cynthia certainly loved leo, she’d always wanted a daughter, which she got two years later when his little sister victoria ( @toriivd​ ) was born. thus, it was from an extremely young age that leo began to feel like something of a black sheep in the family. richard was, unbeknownst to any of them, already having an affair with a woman in america whom he’d met on several business trips to arizona. all they knew was that he hardly seemed invested in their family anymore, let alone to take an interest in their lives. of course, victoria was a daddy’s girl, and though she often pretended not to see this happening leo knew perfectly well she was lying deliberately to herself. it was something he only pulled out when they fought bitterly, and they both knew it was a low blow when he did. 

this was especially apparent in high school, when leo’s acting out turned to drug use, skipping school, and even trouble with the police a few times. richard was almost never there either to lend fatherly support or to discipline--the only time he was, leo got the tongue-lashing of his life as well as a slap in the face, and if he had to pick a specific event which led him to the realization that he hated his father, it would be that one. 

even as things were looking rockier and rockier with their parents, leo was 12 when his mom got pregnant again. 13 when she had their baby brother, bradley. it was frankly a mess and for the first couple years leo was not at all good about helping. he resented the further attention drawn away from himself and hated his dad more than ever for his seemingly endless supply of bullshit

when he was 15, tori 13, and bradley 2, their parents finally got divorced. he and tori listened in on the final, blow-out fight from the stairs and learned that the reason their father had been taking so many business trips to the states all these years was in fact another woman, and even better, the two kids he had with her. tori had processed this in her own way, and leo had tried to be there for her, but his own self-destructive method of processing it made it difficult to do so. in other ways, however, the whole thing changed the nature of his relationship with his mother, which had always been a little distant. the fact of his father’s betrayal had the effect of inspiring within leo a fierce love and protectiveness over her, and in the rubble of their family the four of them found something much more intimate than they’d had before. 

he graduated high school in spite of all this but spent the following two years doing nothing productive; it was sex drugs rock n roll and rebellion, and through it all giving a huge metaphorical middle finger to his dad, who’d officially moved to arizona to pledge his allegiance to his chosen family. leo and tori eventually came to the morally questionable agreement to tell people that their father had died in a car accident rather than explain the truth, and for leo, it was as much an act of spitting on his father’s memory as it was a tactic to avoid talking about it. 

it was when tori finally graduated high school that they formulated the plan to go to university in arizona, and while they were there to try and find their father. not because leo missed him, of course--it was closure he was after, and only seeing him and his other family would allow him to find it.

a year ago now, leo went back home to england for a month and a half to check himself into rehab, but the only person he told was his mom. it was for an opioid addiction that had gotten out of hand and he did indeed manage to get clean. he’s even managed to stay clean when it comes to the opioids, but he’s started doing coke now and then and dabbling in pills. mostly though it’s just a lot a lot of weed all the time. 

he’s in his senior year of his bfa and has almost no prospects, although that’s mostly due to his screwing them all up by being high and careless about it. a part of him despises the whole idea of school and the work force and having a career and is lowkey self destructing bc he can’t handle the idea of growing up and having to act like an adult

personality

so for the most part, leo is super super chill, doesn’t take anything very seriously, is cracking jokes 24/7 (his sense of humor is so so so dry), almost always high, and if no one stops him will start rambling on about literally anything in his pretentious know it all way that he genuinely doesn’t realize is so wildly pretentious

he’s a fine arts major with a focus in illustration but he also does a lot of sculpting. so he doodles a lot, probably on things he shouldn’t doodle on, and he makes money on the sculptures here and there (which he’s telling himself he can sustain for his entire life lmao)

pansexual, tends to sleep around but genuinely likes being in a relationship. he falls in love rly easily and has little crushes on random people all the time and is prone to infatuations with people who don’t feel the same way. most relationships he’s had have failed bc of his drug problem interfering and/or becoming too much for his partner at the time to deal with

for everything he’s been thru, leo actually has quite an optimistic view of the world and people in general and he just really likes human interaction and being around people. he can come off as wildly eccentric and difficult to keep up with and sometimes makes it seem like he thinks he’s better than everyone and doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks but on the highest of keys he cares so much what everyone thinks and will probably admit that out loud tbh ftyegudhsujka

cares about his mom, sister, and little brother more than anything in the world and feels guilty as HELL about not being there while his brother is growing up

will lose his mind if u call him leonardo

connection to natalia linderman //  natalia was the good girl, and that was certainly part of leo’s motivation to corrupt her—there was something thrilling about being able to effect such change in someone held in such high esteem on campus—but that wasn’t all of it. some part of him had developed feelings, too, and it killed him that she never saw him that way. the drugs and the class-skipping to smoke weed made him feel close to her, even when she was talking about other people. he eventually began to feel guilty for what he saw as poisoning her with his way of life, and he’d been working up the nerve to tell her this until she went missing. he now lives with the fear that whatever she got mixed up in that resulted in her death could be blamed on the drugs, and more specifically, him.

tl;dr // comes from a wealthy british family whose father left when he was 15 in favor of his second family in america; weed smoker, class skipper, pretentious art boy acts like he doesn’t give a fuck but actually gives the most fucks and readily admits it; surprisingly soft but will Fight for his mom and sister; spent two months that nobody knows about in rehab last year for an opioid addiction

wanted connections/plot ideas

this will have to be discussed with me n maia but !! a boy who tori was dating six months ago (for however long before that) who seduced leo and then told him he wanted to be w him instead, and then broke up with tori when leo said no and told her he cheated on her but not with whom fytsugeuhkdij so hmu if u wanna fill that and i’ll give u more deets 👀

the two kids!!! from their dad’s second family!!!! PLEASE!!!

randomly someone he was in rehab with showing up in arizona somehow???? more likely than u think !!

a few exes from arizona + any exes from back home in london would be cute

someone with a s/o whom leo is practically in love with who does not feel the same way back p l e a s e ideally they’d be rly close friends too

stoner buds thanks

gimme some of tori’s exes/suitors for leo to fight OR even softer.....to rly like and root for

a bad influence who encourages his drug use :/

good influences!!!

whew also someone who kind of.....had an idea of what he was doing with natalia and was Big Sus about it and maybe still is !!!?????!

[phveniix]

✧ · ˚ . reece king? nah, that’s just phoenix “nix” campbell. you know, they’re the twenty-five year-old musician from manchester… still doesn’t ring a bell ? come on, dude ! they’re all over ME.MIAMI’S homepage. it’s impossible for them to stay off of it because of the fact that they’re super pretentious & spacey. they’re not all bad though, ‘cause they can be intelligent & personable too ! you can totally tell they’re a libra… it’s almost scary. look, if you want to remember them, just think of clothes that always smell like weed and cigarettes, organized chaos in a bedroom, and a 3am drive with the music turned up , and you’ll be golden. ( he/him, cismale. ) 

hello babies !! it me lainie back from the dead now that the semester is over n i’m so excited to bring u my brand new bby boy. the intro got kind of long so at the bottom (before the connection ideas) u can find a tl;dr :’)

tws for drug use/abuse and mental illness

background

nix grew up in hardcore suburbia in manchester, england. his parents were just sort of……….basic parents? attentive and loving but with issues of their own. he inherited anxiety and depressive disorders from both of them so his childhood was rough not because his parents didn’t try to be there for him (he had a lot of issues with his dad though) but bc his mental illnesses just made it hard to be a teenager (harder than usual fdhgsjsj). it led to a lot of drug abuse when he was in high school, and he was one of those kids where he was like really smart and did exceptionally well when he went to class so his teachers and his parents got on his case about it but he just wasn’t in the state of mind for giving a shit about school.

he and his friends got up to a lot of shit even when he was not in one of his depressive episodes just bc like it was boring suburbia and they had nothing better to do than drive around smoking weed and drinking beer. on the side nix was starting to get into pills and his friends were like *eyes emoji* but they were 16/17 so they didn’t rly know what to do about it ydgfuhjsa

he spent some time in an adolescent psychiatric ward of a hospital while he was in high school bc his parents were like okay something needs to be done !! and it didn’t really help. he did graduate high school, but it literally just took getting older and learning to deal with his mental shit to stop abusing drugs eventually. which did not happen fast

at 18 he went to New York by himself to attend NYU for music but dropped out in his second year when the band he and one of his friends had gotten together started getting actual attention on two eps they’d put out. his parents weren’t THRILLED bc they wanted him to have a degree (and they’d literally helped him pay for going to another country specifically for school purposes) but they were like really excited about the success so in that regard they were Cool with it. what they weren’t Cool with was how the shows and the lifestyle were conducive to his drug habits, of which they were very much aware (from all the way back in manchester) despite his trying to hide it and lie about.

so when he was 20 the band finally dropped their debut album and it was wildly successful and nix rly grew to have a toxic relationship with the career itself and the fame that came with it. the depression and anxiety were always still there and those random episodes he’d have on top of the pressure of doing shows and wanting to connect with his fanbase was what ultimately led him to doing harder drugs than pills, and it turned into a full on addiction. they almost broke up as a band a few times, his friend he started it with threatened to kick him out once, and there were multiple instances of him tweeting or saying insane shit while he was fucked up and then having to delete it later and pretend it never happened yguhkjksa

it was when they were in the middle of writing their second album (when he was 21) that nix finally hit rock bottom and checked himself into rehab (with the help of casey). he was there for three months, got sober, and for the first time he actually stayed that way a while.

so they finished the second album, it was just as successful, and by the time he was 23 they had a rly solid fan base and some international recognition and nix was still sober and things were relatively Good. he moved to miami when casey did bc he was like ok why tf not lmao and the whole ass band came to miami to start working on their third album. i imagine he dated a bit in this time, probably had one really healthy relationship for a while, and it was probably that relationship that got destroyed when he finally relapsed at 24 during an especially bad depressive episode that coincided with a big show for a festival. it was rly obvious he was high but it didn’t cause a scene or anything, people were just like hell yeah we’re all high it’s a festival lmao yeruhw but his friends and gf afterwards were like ??? hello !!! really ???!! so that was a thing again for a good 5 or 6 months until, once again, he hit a rly scary rock bottom and had to go to rehab.

and he got clean. again. and it stuck, again. he’s currently still clean and he and his band are working on their third album again yeet

personality

so nix is like…..a sensitive soul eryguhsja like yes he’s rly sarcastic and dry and can unintentionally come off as pretentious but he’s very personable and outgoing and just rly enjoys talking to people and like?? engaging in human interaction. when his anxiety gets really bad he’ll withdraw a lot and it’ll be really obvious and the same goes for the depression. when he’s having episodes, it’s like rly clear bc he’ll be moody and irritable and start reverting to bad habits

his favorite thing in the world is writing music bc he loves expressing his emotions and he feels like he does it best that way. so it’s also like rly meaningful to him when people like his music bc it’s like validation of himself and who he is yk

pansexual king

used to sleep around a lot and had an unhealthy relationship with that too especially when he was on drugs. now he like still enjoys it but doesn’t go out looking for it usually and would in general prefer a relationship probably ?? we’ll see

his aesthetic is p much thrifty clothes, big shirts, band tees, jeans and converse, the no sleep bags under his eyes a little too skinny for comfort look, small heavy metal boy even tho his music is lowkey soft, smelling like cigarettes and weed all the time

he’s so obsessed with the idea of love and human connection and shit like that. he’s always analyzing people and relationships (even ones that aren’t his own) and the world and being pretentious xisbdjskdb but like genuinely he just has a really oddly optimistic romanticized view of humanity and the world for someone who’s dealt w so much shit

also like he can come off like i don’t give a shit what anyone thinks!!!! but he actually cares so so much about what everyone thinks and even he will admit that djsbdkwndj

tl;dr born in manchester, england, moved to the states to go to nyu for music, dropped out when his band (the dead lights) started making it big, has had drug problems most of his life, been in and out of rehab, currently clean and working on the band’s third album. pretentious and can come off as a smartass but is actually v personable and kind and is obsessed with the idea of love and tends to romanticize absolutely everything from relationships to the world to literally other people’s relationships

connection ideas

if there’s a 1975 song that fits ur muse or one of ur muse’s relationships??? lmk bc nix will write it about them/their relationship !! a lot of his songs are stories abt other people he finds interesting

his band thank u !!! guitar, keyboard, drums, backing vocals, the works. one of them would be the one who started the band w him while he was at nyu and they’d be rly close and maybe live together

the girl he was dating when he relapsed the second time in miami !! up to plotting how it ended tbh

ok like bad influences who were maybe people he was friends with when he was doing drugs?? who like lowkey try to get him back into it??

and good influences ofc of all kinds!

smoking buddies/a weed dealer

unrequited things on both ends please please please i REALLY want him to have a thing for someone in a relationship who he can’t have but wants so badly

enemies ofc bc I’m angsty!!! Maybe people who think he’s a pretentious wannabe poser try-hard

also ex friends possibly either bc they couldn’t handle him at his worst OR bc he cut them off bc like nix will do that if he doesn’t like someone’s vibe

I don’t think he does many collabs on his own albums (possibly some random singles tho???) but gimme things where he featured on other people’s music

[captnbarnesrogers]

Better For Me (Part 9)

Pairing/Characters: Bucky x Reader, Steve x Natasha (Reader sometimes calls her Natalia), Sam Wilson, let’s just say everyone in the fuckin compound lmao Warnings: Swearing, cocky!Bucky, sexual tension, eventual smut, it’s a slow buuuurn Summary: You meet one of New York’s richest Bachelor’s. He’s hot, he’s rich, and he’s an absolute fucking asshole. Luckily for you, you’re an asshole too and you could take a challenge any day. Within the first 24 hours of knowing each other, you’ve already pushed each other over breaking point. But when something comes up, you’re both forced to try and get along. Can it be possible? Word Count: 1.8k+ Chapter Summary: Bucky finally gets his arm and you suggest that Natasha and Steve have their honeymoon, leaving their son in yours and Bucky’s good hands. Chapter Warnings: Angst, swearing, character death A/N: I am so sorry.

<<<PREVIOUSLY ON BETTER FOR ME

You opened your eyes and thanked whatever God there was above that Bucky was still beside you. The night before had been calmer than any other night since he’d come home from the hospital but the way he held you hadn’t changed. The last couple of months had been tough on you but most definitely him. He had little to no sleep usually but the night before had been a first where he slept all the way through. You noticed his facial hair had grown thicker and you felt a throb between your legs.

“I can feel you staring at me.” He groggily said, you laughed and placed a kiss on his collarbone,

“Sorry.” You got up and straddled him, placing a kiss on his lips. You notice his face fall as he put his one hand upon your hip, “Hey,” you kiss his injured arm, “you’re still my Bucky, it’s okay.” He sighed as you brought his one hand to your lips,

“Are you happy? With this?”

“I am, very,” You kiss him again, “and, hey, I only need five fingers.” You whispered in his ear. He bites his bottom lip before flipping you over with a smirk,

“It’s 9 AM, doll, you really wanna play that game?”

“Maybe.” You giggled,

“You’re getting too mouthy for my liking.” He says before attacking your body with kisses.

After an eventful morning, Bucky feels alive, although he’s disadvantaged right now, he knows with you by his side, he will never feel anything less than love. You exited the bathroom in only jeans and a black bra. You were met with a cup of coffee in Bucky’s hand. You gave him a kiss and thanked him. You took a sip and placed it on your vanity. Slipping on a loose off shoulder top, you chug down the now warm coffee and meet your boyfriend outside the apartment.

No words were spoken during the car ride to the hospital, just the soft sound of the music from the radio.

Arriving at the Stark Tower, you both looked at each other and took a deep breath. You entered the automatic doors to the busy lobby.

“James Barnes?” You were both greeted by a slickly dressed man, he took off his tinted sunglasses,

“You can call me Bucky.” He nods,

“I’m Tony Stark,” He shakes both of your hands, “both of you can follow me, your fitting is ready, Bucky.” You both followed the man and the blonde-haired woman beside him who was filling you in on what was happening on your day. You entered the room and you were met with some people Pepper called the ‘Advanced Arm Technologists’. They sat your boyfriend down and he took off his shirt. He kept his eyes on you as they fitted the metal limb on his warm skin. He shivered. The men nodded at Tony who, at once, walked over to Bucky, “Alright, so, once we get this on, there will be scarring, you can back out now if you want.” He took one look at you as you mouthed ‘I love you’,

“Let’s do it.” Before you knew it, Bucky was transferred to the nearest hospital.

Hours passed by after Bucky’s transfer. You bit your nails anxiously and just in time, a doctor came out of his room, making you stand up.

“Miss Y/N?” He asks in a confirming tone, you nod, “He’s stable now. He will need rehabilitation for his arm but there shouldn’t be any problems. You may go in now.” You smiled as you entered the room. You sat by the bed and waited up for him. He woke up an hour later to your adoring eyes.

“Hey.” You said, “How’re you feeling?”

“Weird.”

“You wanna take a look?” You sniffled as your eyes teared up, he lifted up his arm from the sheets and closed and opened his fist,

“Holy shit…”

“You okay?”

“This is fucking cool.” You laughed with relief, wiping away the tears from your eyes,

“It is.” There was a knock at the door, Tony entering as you both stared at the entrance,

“Hope you’re doing well, Bucky,” Tony began, “Your arm looks incredible!”

“Yes, thank you.”

“You know that you need to go through rehabilitation to be able to help your arm function?” Bucky nodded, “Good, we can start tomorrow.” He waves goodbye and exits the room,

“So?” He says,

“So?”

“Do I look okay?” You gave him a kiss on the lips,

“Amazing.”

You drove back to your apartment and grabbed whatever clothes Bucky had left while he’d stayed with you. You rang Natasha who picked up just minutes later.

“H-He- AJ can you please-” She greeted, cutting herself off as her son chewed on her pant leg,

“Um, hey, bad time?”

“No, your godson is teething.” You let out a giggle, “He’s chewing on everything, kinda like a dog, being a mother is hard- Jesus, just wait two seconds, AJ- this shit doesn’t come with an instruction manual.”

“I know, I expected as much,” It was silent for a moment, just the sounds of Natasha trying to pry off AJ from her clothes, “Hey,”

“Yeah?”

“If you want, you can leave AJ with me and I’ll babysit him while you and Steve go on a long-needed Honeymoon.”

“No way, I couldn’t do that to you! You have Bucky and everything else going on!”

“You can do it to me, we’re his god parents, we’ll be fine! And plus, having AJ around makes Bucky and I happy.” You heard her groan on the other end of the line,

“Oh, I don’t know, Y/N, with everything else going on, what if he’ll make it harder.”

“C’mon, Tash! Don’t you wanna be laid out on a beach in Hawaii or some shit?”

“True, but he’s still a baby…”

“Natalia, he will not be a burden, he’s already like my son.”

“I guess I’ll talk to Steve.” You cheered on her decision,

“I’ll swing by tomorrow during Bucky’s rehab, I’m not allowed in the room, it takes like two hours.” She ended the call with an ‘I love you’ and you got into the car and drove back to the hospital.

You opened up the dufflebag as you entered his room. He was eating an apple, a nurse, short, small-figured, helping him get used to moving his new arm. She helped him bend his arm while he ate, she kept smiling sweetly at him and eying him down. You took out a white shirt and some grey sweatpants, clothes he usually wore whenever he was around at your place. The nurse left after she helped Bucky pick up his cup, which Bucky kept repeating to create memory in his arm.

“She was totally eying you down, Barnes.” You laughed,

“She was helping me eat.”

“I could help you eat.”

“Are you jealous?” He asks, sitting up against the white sheets,

“What? No way!”

“Yes, you are!” You handed him his clothes and turned back to the black bag that sat in the chair,

“I am not!” He got out of the bed and walked over to you. You felt the cold touch of his metal hand against your heated skin,

“You don’t need to be.” You chuckled before giving him a kiss,

“Go get changed.” You told him about babysitting AJ for the next week which he reacted in an excited manner.

The next morning, the nurses and the doctors had him up bright and early. You gave him a kiss before you left and later returned with your godson in your arms. Bucky walked out of the rehabilitation room with a big smile on his face, making small circles with his metal arm.

“Is that my Godson?” He cooed, pinching AJ’s chipmunk-like cheeks. The small baby let out a laughing coo and opened his arms out, trying to get to Bucky, “Sorry, little man, I’m gonna have to hold out for a little while, alright? Alright.”

“Are you sure you’re alright with the baby while rehab is still in the way?”

“Of course! Don’t worry about me, doll, seriously, we’re gonna be fine.” He tickled AJ’s tummy while you walked out of the hospital, pushing the pram right in front of you. You drove out to Steve and Natasha’s house and settled in as the baby sat in a cot filled with teddy bears and teething toys.

You noticed that Bucky had gotten better at controlling his arm. You smiled and praised his resilience.

“After one session, you’re getting a really good hang of controlling that arm of yours.” You said to Bucky as he opened a jar of baby food with his arm,

“Yeah, the nurse said that I should be moving it all the time.” He passed the small jar of baby food to you and a small orange spoon, “Carrots and Mash… He’s gonna loooove that.” He mocks,

“Babe, he’s a baby, he like anything mushy.”

“Not true!” He walked over to the fridge and looked around, “Did they leave milk for him?” You had walked over to AJ’s cot and picked him up, putting him in the high chair,

“I think we have formula.”

“Yeah, I found it.” He took it out and readied a sterilised bottle, he watched as you turned the spoon into an aeroplane that his godson would imagine as the real deal. You made sounds and AJ laughed.

It was in that moment he knew, he wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.

Six days had passed. Six days of late nights and sterilising baby bottles. You didn’t mind but Bucky always seemed to get irritated when he didn’t get any sleep. All three of you spent the morning in the hospital, Bucky at the rehabilitation room, and AJ needed to be checked due to a high fever he was having. You were relieved to find out it was just a cold and with some flu syrup, he’d be fine.

You took AJ to the park, fed the ducks, played on the swings, and then went back home to rest up because Natasha and Steve were going to be home any hour as the night would become darker. You and Bucky sat on the couch playing Superman with the nine-month-old baby who laughed as if being carried up into the air was the funniest thing he will ever experience. Laughter and cooing filled the air but it was short-lived when your phone began to ring. You excused yourself from the two who were still in a fit of laughter. You slid the icon across your screen and pressed the phone to your ear.

“Hello?” You asked, quietening down your laughter. As fast as a race car, your face fell, your hand had covered your face, and you were speechless. Bucky noticed the atmosphere change as the tears started streaming down your face. He carried AJ in his arm and walked over to you, “T-That can’t be, he’s only a baby!”

You couldn’t believe it. You didn’t want to believe it. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.

Steve and Natasha Romanov-Rogers had gotten into a car crash and had died on impact, leaving Aaron James Romanov-Rogers an orphan.  

NEXT ON BETTER FOR ME>>>

MASTERLIST

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @winchester-negan-one-shots @stevette60 @marvelous-fvcks @marvel-fanfiction @potterhead1265 @zoejohnson8 @frickin-bats @iamwarrenspeace @kenmen02 @captianwintersoldier @noelia8villa @bucky-bear-barnes @hollycornish @capsheadquaters @duncedgoofball @abouttimefortea @buchananbarnestrash @minervaem @barnes-heaven @buckyywiththegoodhair @mellifluous-melodramas @heartmade-writingbucky @hellomissmabel @justanotherbuckydevotee @alphaabucky @firebendergirl33 @naenae87 @sunnyfortomorrow @aya-fay @terraling @topthis808 @savebxrnes @lediskogirl​ @mizzzpink 

SEB STAN/BUCKY TAGLIST: @yana-tardis-drwho @cassandras-musings @charlesgrey1875 @chipilerendi @davros2004 @buckyismyaesthetic @messybl0g​ @17891111​ @buckyappreciationsociety​ @ly--canthrope

BETTER FOR ME TAGLIST: @randomchick555-555 @chipilerendi @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme@firebendergirl33 @bria133 @ancchor @thelovablesociopath-blog @buckywiththegoodheart @charlesgrey1875 @zoejohnson8@tamianich @incoherent-smiles @misscherryberry@layfwithicecream @learisa @seargantbcky 

[hardfcclings]

angie jeremiah ( about )

warnings

trigger warning. mentions of death, drug abuse/addiction, and bipolar disorder

content warning. spoilers for degrassi junior high/high/the next generation

stats

nicknames. angie, ang, angel

birthday/zodiac. gemini sun, scorpio moon, taurus rising

orientation. panromantic/pansexual

hometown. toronto, ontario, canada

appearance

tattoos. tree on her right ankle, smiley face on her left ankle, the word "tough" on her ribs

piercings. ears (twice), helix (right)

family

father. joseph “joey” jeremiah

mother. julia jeremiah (deceased)

sibling(s). craig manning (older half-brother)

health

mental. addictive personality

physical. drug addiction

drug use. angie has a history of drug addiction but is clean in main verse

alcohol use. angie quit drinking when she got clean, alcoholism was never her issue, but she is concerned about the slippery slope and would rather be safe than sorry

diet. n/a

personality

mbti. entp

moral alignment. chaotic neutral

temperament. choleric

enneagram. 8w7

hogwarts house. slytherin 

history

angie is a canon degrassi character. barely. meaning she was barely a character, so while my angie is entirely compliant with canon!angie, she is nearly an original character due to the fact that there is so little info about her in the show. she is the younger half sister of craig manning, and the daughter of joey jeremiah. which is effectively the only reason she’s canon lmao.

because angie is a degrassi character by nature, she is from canada, though most of the interactions i have her in take place in the us. she really could be anywhere though because that’s how rp works i mean.

in canon, we don’t see anything from angie past about age 8, so all of her canon info from the show is still true of my version of her. she is the only child of joey jeremiah. her mother passed away when she was young and so she was raised by a single father. her brother came to live with them when she was about five years old and he was fifteen.

angie’s older brother suffers from bipolar disorder, and was undiagnosed for a significant amount of time while he was living with angie and her father. craig’s mental health struggles, which eventually also included drug abuse, definitely took a negative toll on angie and her outlook on life because she witnessed many very negative things when she was very young. this is pretty much the end of her canon arc.

as a teen, angie also struggled with drug abuse and mental illness, though not in the same severity as her brother. she turned to partying as a way of coping with the negativity in her childhood when she was a teen and was in turn exposed to a lot of “adult” things at a young age, which also took a negative toll on her. after spiraling due to drug abuse, angie decided to clean up her act for her father’s sake and got clean when she was 18.

angie did not attend college. instead she opted to move to los angeles to be closer to her brother, who she still shares a close relationship with. angie has always been a creative person and enjoys the arts in many capacities including music and photography most notably, both things she shares with her brother, and she felt the city would be the best place to explore these talents.

following the launch of angie’s music career with her band, done drugs, angie slipped back into her old patterns and struggled once more with drug abuse. after her drug abuse started to lose control, resulting in their label dropping the band, and angie’s relationship crumbling, she checked herself into rehab. she is now very committed to raising awareness about drug abuse issues.

angie very much has the vibe of, like, the wine aunt. only she’s 100% sober due to her personal and family history of drug abuse. she’s is mature beyond her years, but is also very fun loving and kindhearted. she is very friendly and loving, though a tad closed off due to her childhood struggles.

connections

cricket oliver. best friend/bandmate. it’s rare to find someone who shares the exact same energy as you. their meeting was serendipitous, both new kids at their boarding school the same year, they first bonded over being outsiders in a new setting, but quickly found out that despite their vast differences in upbringing, their personalities matched perfectly. angie had never met another person who made her feel so herself. ( played by @tenderyellowblve )

joey hughes. best friend/bandmate. the role joey has played in angie’s life has changed a few times over in the couple of years they’ve known each other. for a long time, joey is angie’s main enabler, the girl always willing to go out or find a good party. when angie came clean to joey about her addiction, though, their relationship changed. angie feared it would be for the worse, but getting to see each other’s sensitive, sober side only made the two girls closer, and joey got clean at the same time as angie out of solidarity. ( played by me )

ruben johnson. ex-boyfriend. angie spent a long time believing romantic love wasn’t real, just a series of chemicals firing off in the human brain as a result of lust. she wasn’t convinced she’d ever seen it, and she was certain she’d never felt it. but that was before ruben. after a lifetime of swearing he was just a friend, boarding school was just too close of quarters, and angie could no longer deny her feelings for the boy, falling fast and hard. their relationship was a whirlwind, and when it ended, angie was devasted. on the other side, she’s attempting to look at the bright side and focus on the lessons she learned from him. not the least of which is the definitive existence of love, even when you don’t want to feel it anymore. ( npc )

[amorremanet]

takashi shirogane + coping a n d seb + sleep habits

the “character + thing” headcanon meme (aka, “the best of all possible memes, c’mon, you know you wanna”)

Shiro + coping

Shiro voice: “coping? I don’t know her”

Okay, but in all seriousness

It isn’t that Shiro has NO coping skills or coping mechanisms that work for him, and it isn’t that he has no idea how to cope with anything — quite the opposite, really.

But a huge problem for him is that a lot of his coping techniques are, at best, non-ideal and at worst, basically a slow-burn form of self-harm that’s hard to notice because he isn’t obviously crashing and burning, or obviously having some kind of problem, and because he isn’t obviously in trouble, Shiro feels like his techniques must be totally okay

Even if he might acknowledge that they aren’t okay, though? Good luck getting him to actually do anything about that; he’s pretty sure that there are bigger problems

Like, one thing with Shiro is that, for all he values patience and for all he praises forethought, he also gets very easily frustrated if he can’t do something. If that something can’t directly affect whatever the Big Problem of the moment is, then Shiro needs to at least feel like he is Doing Something Productive — which, for him, usually means something like working out.

Maybe it could mean sparring or training with someone, but Shiro is one of those ambiverts who both enjoys being around people and can get destabilized very quickly if he’s left alone for too long, but who also needs a lot of time to himself to just breathe and decompress.

It was like that before he was taken prisoner by the Galra, e.g., a stressful as Hell exam season leading to a big night out and all kinds of hijinks with the other cadets in his class because oh man, everybody needed to just get away from studying, and Shiro would’ve been worried about how his grades would look when they came back so he needed to feel competent and one thing that makes him feel competent is making sure that other people are having a good time — and to a different extent, just being around others while they’re having a good time because who had to learn the hard way about how much his empathy can turn into a Bad Thing for him and how to set boundaries on it? Shiro did

—but then after said night out, he’d retire to his dorm (which probably involved moping, half-asleep, while binge-listening to Fiona Apple, needing to be reminded that it’s generally pretty unhelpful to sleep through lunch and never do anything about it later), and maybe he’d be seen around the gym (with a huge set of headphones on because sure, they’re cumbersome but sometimes, other people don’t always notice earbuds and Shiro wants to please be left alone), and he’d probably only willingly deal with Keith or maybe Matt

Shiro’s time with the Galra has made this tendency worse, but it’s also shoved him into a situation where it’s hard to tell, since he’s the Decisive Head Of Voltron™ now, so he needs all that time alone, but feels like he can’t allow himself to have it or else

(“Or else” what? ……Well, okay, you got him there; Shiro has no idea, “or else what.” But it’d be something Bad, okay, and he is completely certain of this because he just is.)

—but despite the fact that working out can help him clear his head so he can try to deal with things and isn’t inherently bad, Shiro also doesn’t entirely understand this, “moderation” thing you speak of — at least, not when it’s being applied to him.

Sure, he gets it in theory…… but in practice, he has an approach that’s more like, “Okay, it hasn’t cleared my head yet, so clearly, it can’t be that I need to find some other way to deal with whatever is on my mind and troubling me right now; I just have to push harder until it does work.” Sometimes, he makes it work out okay.

Other times, it doesn’t, and Shiro either ends up getting interrupted by something (emergency drill, “a wild Sendak appeared!”, “oh no, the castle is trying to kill everyone!”, Coran begging him to come intervene so Lance and Pidge can’t try to turn something into a screen on which to play their Mercury Gameflux II, literally anything)

……or he ends up with a seriously peeved little brother who is very likely going to yell at him because Keith is worried and he’s scared and unfortunately for everyone, he tends to get angry when he’s scared and then promptly loses control of the volume of his voice (because he’s usually not aware of how loud he’s being until someone points it out)

All of this…… will probably not get any better when Shiro gets back from wherever the Hell he’s hiding. Like, on one hand, it might get so bad that it actually becomes a more visible problem and leads to him getting some kind of help and learning better coping skills (and things like, “Yes, you’re the Decisive Head Of Voltron and all, but you have a right to ask for help with your problems, too”)

……But it could also get a lot worse and Shiro could just get better at repressing everything and acting like everything is fine (relative to the situations they’re in, anyway), and focusing on everybody else’s issues while completely ignoring his own. Only time will tell.

Seb + sleep habits

Seb voice: “sleep habits? Who’s that?”

……yeah, but seriously, though

Let’s not mince words about it: Seb’s sleep habits are unhealthy as shit, and if he maybe talked about them more and/or just took them more seriously (i.e., didn’t brush them off as, like, “I just couldn’t sleep last night, it’s not a big deal, it happens to everybody” [which isn’t untrue, Seb, but the thing is, it doesn’t happen quite so consistently with most people unless there is something Not Good going on for them] or look for tons of excuses about why he couldn’t sleep), then it’s quite possible that he would’ve gotten a depression diagnosis a lot sooner than he actually does in-story

Unfortunately, on one hand, we have one of Seb’s biggest and most common problems in all things ever (namely that he does not think he has any so-called, “real problems,” because that’s silly, why would he have, “real problems”; “real problems” are for literally everyone else in the world because, “they deserve to have ‘real problems’”)

—so, in his mind, of course it’s not a big deal when he can’t sleep but feels useless while he’s lying in bed with his pit-mix Lola, waiting to fall asleep (which makes him feel worse and can all too easily lead him down a self-loathing rabbit hole), so he gives up on that, goes back downstairs, and bakes things while watching whatever’s on TV or in the Blu-Ray/DVD player until he’s finally tired enough to crash on the couch for a couple hours

(which doesn’t really make him feel better and is often an ill-advised waste of his energy reserves, but on the other hand, doing something makes him feel less useless, and lets him temporarily escape the self-loathing rabbit hole — if for no other reason than, “well, he has to focus on his baking, which means he can’t focus on finding reasons to hate himself and/or rehashing old ones” — and he enjoys cooking, especially baking, and especially baking that he knows other people enjoy because he likes making other people happy)

Like, if it were literally anyone else doing anything like that, he’d go, “Oh man, that sounds really bad, are you okay, have you talked to a doctor or someone about it, is something stressing you out, can I help”

or, in an illustration of this double-standard that actually happens in character: the night before the story opens, Seb did exactly what I just said, while Pete intended to go home and get a decent amount of sleep…… but while he was doing a last check on the costumes he’s supervising for the production of A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream that he’s involved in at work right now, he found several rips and missing buttons that no one mentioned to him

He figured it wouldn’t take him that long to fix everything, but he estimated very badly, and by the time he’d finished the task and gotten everything cleaned up again, it was late enough that he decided to crash on the couch in his boss’s office (because, considering the travel time, Pete could get more sleep by doing that than by going home), clean up in the bathroom and throw on one of the spare shirts that he keeps in his locker, then run out to grab breakfast, come back, and act like he totally had not slept in Mitch’s office last night

That worked out pretty well…… until Pete decided to take a follow-up nap during a stretch where he officially had a bit of spare time (“officially” meaning, “it wasn’t on any particular schedule, so technically, he was allowed, but lmao there is no such thing as spare time in the theatre, there just isn’t”)…… which got him told to go home and rest because Mitch would rather not do without his self-described, “Swiss Army thespian,” but if it’s a choice between sending Pete home for the afternoon and risking the chance that something’s amiss with Pete’s health and possibly losing him for at least a month while he goes to rehab again? ……Yeah, Mitch would take the former.

Either way, Pete still got more sleep than his Princess, and they swap stories about their respective low-sleep nights when they meet up at the gallery owned and run by their sponsor (Nick), where Stephen works as curatorial assistant

………and Seb is Concerned about Pete for losing track of time and nearly pulling an accidental all-nighter, but he doesn’t? really?? feel like??? there’s any reason???? for Pete????? to be concerned about him, Seb, having such bad insomnia that he wound up watching a marathon of Catching All-Stars reruns (despite how Seb doesn’t like that show and finds it uncomfortably voyeuristic) while baking a bunch of treats that he doesn’t personally enjoy, but he knows that his parents, Margot, Nick, and Nick’s husband Isaac all like them

(Catching All-Stars is sort of like what would happen if you took the a team of superheroes that’s like the unholy, commercialism-driven mashup of JLA, the Avengers, and Lance “Captain Amazing” Hunt from Mystery Men… and gave them a reality show that is so much like Keeping Up With The Kardashians that some people consider them to be rival shows.)

Because Seb totally understands that these kinds of things are, in general, Not Good. But see, if it’s him in any given situation like this, then his understanding of how Not Good things like this are goes right out the window because…… nope, it’s not a “real problem” if it’s happening to him, that makes no sense because of reasons

—and on the other hand, Seb is just…… depressingly ignorant about a lot of the realities of depression and what “depression” even means (in more than a very vague, “it is a mental illness and a ‘real problem,’ one of the worst ‘real problems’ that I can imagine personally, and you wouldn’t wish it on anybody unless you are a complete douchebag” sense)

If any of his friends or loved ones had ever been told that they were dealing with depression, you can bet that he would have read up on it a lot more and true, he still would’ve encountered some issues here (because of how so much information about all mental health issues is unreliable for one reason or another, and conflicting opinions in the sources [some of which are not reliable sources, but others of which are reliable and just have differences of opinion and approach because mental illness is complicated and difficult], and so on) — but at least Seb would not be quite so astoundingly ignorant about the illness that he’s been living with

Like, when Pete came back from rehab (which… well. He wanted to do an outpatient thing for his addictions — alcohol, Adderall, and cocaine — but his Mama disagreed and he needed her help paying for treatment, and Leilani went, “I feel like inpatient rehab would be better for you, and if you agree to go there, then I will make sure that you never need to worry about the cost of anything related to your treatment”)

—as I was saying.

When Pete came back from his trip to rehab, he’d done a lot of work on his problems with substance abuse, but he had also come to realize that he’d been dealing with anorexia nervosa for long enough that it was hard for him to remember when things had ever been different, which he hadn’t noticed for a lot of reasons

(chief among them: the unfortunately widespread belief that men don’t deal with eating disorders ever, especially not anorexia, because they are Lady Disorders For Women and anorexia nervosa is The Single Most Lady Disorder For Women Of Them All;

the fact that Pete’s presentation had never been as glaringly obvious as a stereotype-riddled Lifetime Original movie or Very Special Episode/Arc about EDs [which, unfortunately, does a lot of damage to people who don’t fit those images or don’t feel like they’re truly “sick enough” to have an ED because they’re “not as bad” as some character in some fictional representation of EDs];

and the fact that his disorder had developed so slowly that he — and everyone else in his life — looked at his symptoms and went, “that’s just some quirky Pete thing that he does that totally falls under the heading of average, non-disordered human variation, right?”)

Seb got to be the first person who heard about this, which would’ve happened even if he hadn’t picked Pete up at the airport because he’s the brother who Pete wishes he could have as a legal part of his family because Pete’s relationship with his biological brother is…… A Mess. And more than that, Pete’s Princess is the person with whom he has the easiest time being vulnerable, and doing things like, “being his most honest self, even when he feels like shit, or he feels ashamed of himself, or he wishes that he could be somebody else instead,” and “admitting when he’s terrified and wants to get well and be okay but he doesn’t know if he’s strong enough to do that” and, “just letting himself cry when he needs to”

But the more important thing is that, at the time Pete told him this and needed to cry and get reassurance from his best friend, Seb was similarly very ignorant about eating disorders.

He knew they existed, he knew they were bad, he knew the vague sketchy details about anorexia and bulimia (his biggest tidbit of knowledge was that he knew enough to differentiate between anorexia nervosa, anorexia mirabilis [i.e., “it’s complicated but there’s a whole wealth of mystical and spiritual writing about how some divine being or other told someone, like St. Catherine of Siena for example, not to eat because piety”], and, “anorexia as absence of appetite, which happens as a symptom of something other than anorexia nervosa”), and he kinda vaguely knew that guys could have eating disorders but largely only by virtue of personal experience

—by which I mean that one of his exes (Rémy) was an actor-slash-model and some of his guy friends or guy coworkers had dealt with EDs in some capacity, and, “well, Julian was never officially diagnosed with an eating disorder or anything, and in fairness here, he had a lot of habits that were all over the map and would’ve made diagnosing him properly really hard, but he had some people concerned about whether or not he had an ED at different points, and then he complained about it to Seb because haha that’s so ridiculous isn’t it but also god how could they think that about him, please agree with him now or at least pay attention to him”

—But when Pete got diagnosed with one in rehab, that was all the reason Seb needed to look into all the things, learn everything he could get his hands on, etc.. because his best friend needed him

But as it stands, none of the people he loves have ever gotten a depression diagnosis, so he remains quite ignorant about the illness he’s living with here

—That sorta got way off from the point, but…… really, depression is a big reason why Seb’s sleep habits are such a mess, and a huge part of the reason why he hasn’t treated them seriously or seen them as an “actual problem” (maybe a minor annoyance at best, but not a “real problem,” so much as, “a thing that happens to everyone and that Seb has to just deal with on his own because no one else would let something like this mess them up so badly” — he says, while he legit feels like what he’s saying is totally accurate, despite knowing that it isn’t even remotely true)…… has been the depression that is a major contributing factor to them in the first place

……Yay? (Not really. Not even a little bit.)

Another contributing factor is one of the potential long-term side-effects of kicking alcohol and opiates — like, it may not happen to absolutely everyone in a similar position to Seb, but both alcohol and opiates act as central nervous system depressants, and one of the more common effects of CNS depressants…… is making you sleepy (which is why, for example, I didn’t take most of the opioid painkiller that I got after dislocating my kneecap while doing the Time Warp in college, because I could handle the pain but could not handle sleeping through my classes).

(……that may be one of the most painfully nerdy things that I’ve ever said, but it remains true)

If you get used to having a shit-ton of CNS depressants in your system, then you can very easily end up with trouble sleeping, and unfortunately, it can continue for even years after you get sober (it doesn’t always, but it can). In Seb’s case, no one prepared him for that or told him that it could very well end up lasting even after he’d detoxed, and it was harder to notice when he was actually still in rehab because all of the therapy involved there took a lot out of him and let him sleep easier than he might’ve done otherwise

…and then, out of all his trips off the wagon in his first thirteen months of trying to stay sober, three of them were directly caused by Seb being torn between desperately wanting to stay sober, but also desperately wanting to fucking sleep (and preferably without any of the nightmares that can also be a long-term side-effect of abusing alcohol and/or opiates, and are exacerbated for Seb by the PTSD that he “totally doesn’t have, because people with real problems have PTSD, so stop devaluing their struggles by saying that Seb has it”)

(do you ever think about your own characters and just look at the camera like you’re on The Office? because I do. constantly. often with this particular human disaster right here.)

Um.

I feel like I had somewhere else I was going to go with this, but it’s wandered so far off of any semblance of an outline and I want to have lunch

So…… uh.

Something moderately less depressing to wrap-up with, I guess: bed-sharing with Seb can potentially be awkward for a lot of people because he is so unreasonably freaking tall, but if you ever want to sleep next to someone because it makes things easier for you to sleep, or you need cuddles, or whatever, Sebastian is a good, sweet cuddler and a very respectful bed-sharer who will probably also make you breakfast

You may need to deal with Lola deciding that she totally fits in the bed too, or being kind of huffy at you because excuse you, but no, see, she is supposed to sleep in the bed with her Person, not you (like, she’s only less of a huffy little shit to Margot and Pete about it because she likes them and she can usually manage to fit into the bed with them there)

He also has a somewhat easier time of sleeping if he’s sharing with someone, but it’s not entirely a magical, “press this button to fix insomnia for the entire evening” thing

Also, breakfast

He will make it for you

……I should really go have lunch now, jeez

[sinbinzimms]

The Unexpected

When Jack is released from the rehabilitation center and moves back home, Alicia isn't sure what to expect.  [Things after the overdose from Alicia’s POV]

(ao3) 

(quotev)

When Jack is released from the rehabilitation center and moves back home, Alicia isn't sure what to expect. Bob distances himself because he thinks that what happened is somehow his fault, even though Jack assured him that it wasn't. So Alicia does a lot of the talking when they visit him. And even when they're not visiting him, she finds that she's leading the conversations at home too.

She expects Jack to isolate himself; he's always been one to want alone time when he's upset.

She expects little outbursts, because she knows he can get overwhelmed easily in stressful situations, and the past six months have been the most stressful of his life.

She expects him to try and find something hockey-related to fill his days with, so she's unsurprised but still happy for him when he finds the pee-wee team.

What she doesn't expect is to find him in the basement more than once, settled in front of the old TV, watching home videos. There are ones of him running around barefoot outside in the summer, only three or four, squealing while Bob chases him and Alicia laughs behind the camera. She watches from the stairwell, unnoticed, as Jack slips another tape into the VCR. This time she's in front of the camera, and she remembers when Bob took the video. Jack is perched on her hip, just under a year old. There's music playing in the background, something from the eighties, and she's swaying along to it. When the chorus starts again, she has Jack's hand in her own, and she starts dancing with him. She spins, and his head is thrown back and he's laughing that little baby belly laugh that melted her heart every time she heard it. She can hear herself singing along too, and it's pitchy but she doesn't care, because Jack -- the Jack on the floor in front of her -- is humming along to the song quietly, and she feels her heart melt again. Even after all these years, he can still melt her heart, but he can also make it ache like nothing she's ever felt.

She doesn't expect him to come downstairs some mornings, still in his pajamas, with bags under his eyes and messy hair, like he's been rolling in his bed all night -- which she knows he has. Those mornings, she makes sure to clear her schedule of what she can, and make herself comfortable on the couch with a mug of tea and a book, slippered feet propped on the coffee table. She puts on some soft music, and she waits. Jack will usually root around in the pantry, pulling out a few crackers and get a glass of water, and join her on the couch. He'll stay at the opposite end of the couch, making his way slowly through his glass of water before he starts nodding off. She knows he has restless nights -- ones where, no matter what, he can't make himself fall asleep. So she puts her mug and her book down on the coffee table at her feet, and she beckons him closer. He lays his head in her lap, and she reaches for her book again. One hand combs his hair away from his face, and the other one holds the book. She hears his breathing even out, and she lets herself look at his face. She could see what the past months and even years of hockey and anxiety and medications had done to him, she could still see the little boy from those home videos, head thrown back laughing, and it gave her hope for his future.

She really doesn't expect Jack to tell them that he's decided to go to college in America, the same university that she went to. He wants to major in history, he says, and they have a hockey team there, and he's already applied and is waiting for a reply. Of course, Bob and Alicia support him, because he's found something that he's excited about, and he has a light in his eyes that they haven't seen in so long, and even though it's faint, it's still there. When he moves down to Samwell, his parents are there helping him move into a dorm. He'd been down there for a tour, but it was his first time living away from home since rehab, and they were all worried, despite Jack telling them that he was fine, he's an adult, he can handle it. Bob goes out to get some coffee, and Alicia runs to the restroom, all of them needing a break from lugging boxes to the room from the car. She comes back to the room quietly to find Jack on the bed, head in his hands, shoulders tense. She taps on the door quietly, letting him know that she's there. He doesn't acknowledge her until she pulls him into her arms. He pushes his face into her shoulder, wrapping his shaking hands around her back. She feels him breathing deeply, trying to calm himself down, and she rubs her hand across his back, the other one smoothing the hair on the back of his head. Eventually, he's breathing evenly, and Bob still isn't back. He rubs at his eyes, and assures her that he's okay, and he'll be fine, he just had to get it out of his system. She nods along, but already promises herself that she and Bob are going to make it a habit to call at least every few days.

She doesn't expect her son to have a friend called Shitty, but when they help him move into the frat house, there he is, moving in right along with him. She meets more of his teammates too, and Bob treats a few of them to lunch, on him. Alicia loves Shitty, he's funny, and he makes her son happy, and he understands Jack's situation and doesn't bother him about rumors like other guys on the team used to, and that's really all she could ask of any of Jack's friends.

She doesn't expect to be talking to the general manager for the Providence Falconers at his graduation, but she's a lovely young lady who has so much faith in Jack that he'll be good on her team, and Alicia trusts that she's right. She tells her about the graduation day traditions from her days at Samwell after the ceremony when they're all on the quad, and she watches Jack saying goodbye to his friends. She's seen such an improvement in him from the days when he started, and she's so happy for him and proud of him, but she also worries what the NHL will do to him. But when she sees him talking to Bob, and how the light is back in his eyes right before he dashes off back towards the frat house, she knows, somehow, that he'll be okay.

She doesn't expect that, on one of their Skype calls months later, he confesses two things. He confesses that he and Kenny had a fling in Juniors, and he confesses that he's been seeing one of his old teammates -- the small one, the baker, do you remember him? Alicia is over the moon, and she can tell by the light in his eyes that he's happy with Eric, and that's all she's ever really wanted for Jack. She loves Eric already, because he's sweet and she adores his accent and he makes some of the best desserts she's ever had.

She expects that Jack will get better after the overdose, but she could never have dreamt that he would be this happy, with a group of incredible friends that bring out the best in him, and a loving boyfriend who makes him happier than he's been in his life and that he's so serious about and so in love with. She didn't expect that he would be a successful NHL player after the rumors and the rehab, but he's a fan favorite and he loves his job and the guys he plays with, and he's even working on coming out to the team about him and Eric.

She didn't expect everything to be perfect for him, but somehow it is.

A/N: I don't think this is like anything I've written before? So I hope it's decent and y'all like it! This was mostly just an excuse for me to write about my Jack and Alicia post-OD headcanons in one space lmao. I imagine that in the home video they were dancing to Rick Springfield and the soft music Alicia put on in the sixth paragraph was The Goo Goo Dolls. :')

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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters used in this story nor the webcomic that they come from. All rights go to Ngozi. Not affiliated with Ngozi or Check, Please!.