#need 2 figure out an easy way to make That more obvious to my friends who know but at the same time still mask

[sanitizarium]

if you have interacted with me in the past 4 months sorry btw. the constant state of dissociation does have me in a grip and i cannot think thoughts

[rosesareredrosa]

So Obvious part 2

Theo x fem reader

Summary: Y/n realizes her feelings and mistakes and now comes to Theo to apologize and slowly restart their friendship and maybe become something more.

w/c: 920

The days following Theodore's confrontation with Y/N were agonizingly slow. The weight of his confession hung over him, and the uncertainty of Y/N's response gnawed at his thoughts. He replayed their conversation over and over, wondering if he had been too harsh, too impulsive. His friends noticed the change in him, but they respected his need for space.

In the Ravenclaw common room, Y/N was equally tormented. Theodore’s words echoed in her mind, the raw pain and frustration in his voice a stark contrast to the calm demeanor she had always associated with him. She had always admired Theo’s quiet strength, his unwavering loyalty, and his subtle kindness. She had been so focused on her studies and her own world that she hadn’t seen what was right in front of her.

Determined to make things right, Y/N decided to find Theodore and talk to him again. She needed to understand his feelings better and share her own. She found him in the Slytherin common room, sitting by the fireplace, staring into the flames. Gathering her courage, she approached him.

"Theo, can we talk?" she asked softly, her voice tentative.

Theodore looked up, surprise and a flicker of hope crossing his features. He nodded, gesturing for her to sit down.

Y/N took a deep breath. "I've been thinking about what you said. About how you've been trying to show me how you feel. I’m sorry I didn’t see it. I was so caught up in my own world that I missed the signs."

Theodore's gaze softened slightly, but his expression remained guarded. "I didn't mean to be so harsh, Y/N. I just... I needed you to understand how much this has been affecting me."

Y/N nodded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I know, and I appreciate your honesty. I’ve been blind to what was right in front of me. But now that I know, I want you to know that I care about you too. More than I realized."

Theodore's heart ached at her words, a mix of relief and lingering pain. "You do?"

"Yes, Theo. I do," Y/N said, reaching out to take his hand. "I just didn't think you'd ever feel the same way about me. I thought you were just being a good friend."

Theodore squeezed her hand gently, a sad smile playing on his lips. "I’ve always felt more than that, Y/N. I’ve just been too scared to say it outright."

Y/N's eyes filled with regret. "I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to hide your feelings. I want to make it right, Theo. I want to try, if you're willing to give me a chance."

Theodore studied her for a moment, his emotions a turbulent mix of hope and hesitation. "It’s going to take time, Y/N. I’ve been hurt, and I need to trust that things will be different."

"I understand," Y/N said softly. "I’m willing to wait, and to show you that I care. You deserve that."

Theodore nodded, his heart swelling with a cautious optimism. "Alright. Let’s take it slow. We can figure this out together."

Over the next few weeks, Theodore and Y/N began to rebuild their relationship, taking tentative steps toward something more. They spent more time together, sharing their thoughts and feelings openly. It was a process of healing and rediscovery, and while it wasn’t always easy, it was worth it.

One evening, as they walked along the edge of the Black Lake, the setting sun casting a warm glow over the water, Y/N looked up at Theodore. "Thank you for giving us a chance, Theo."

Theodore smiled, a genuine warmth in his eyes. "I’m glad we’re trying. I’ve always been a fool for you, Y/N. And I think I’m okay with that."

Y/N laughed softly, leaning into him. "I think I am too."

As they stood there, watching the sun dip below the horizon, they both felt a sense of peace. It wasn’t the end of their journey, but a new beginning. For the first time in a long while, Theodore felt hopeful about the future, knowing that they were facing it together.

Days turned into weeks, and their bond grew stronger. Theodore found himself opening up in ways he had never imagined. The quiet moments they shared in the library, the walks by the Black Lake, and the late-night conversations in the common rooms all became precious memories.

One afternoon, while they were studying in the library, Y/N glanced up at Theo. “You know, Theo, I’ve been thinking about us.”

Theo looked up from his book, curiosity in his eyes. “What about us?”

Y/N smiled softly. “About how we started, how oblivious I was. I’ve come to realize how much you mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me.”

Theo reached out, taking her hand in his. “I’m glad you see it now. It’s been a long road, but I wouldn’t change a thing if it brought us here.”

Y/N’s eyes sparkled with emotion. “Me neither. I’m grateful for your patience, Theo. For everything.”

Theo leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “You’re worth it, Y/N. Every moment of doubt, every second of frustration. You’re worth it all.”

Y/N’s heart swelled with affection, and she leaned in closer, resting her head against his shoulder. They stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s presence, finding solace in the unspoken words between them.

In that moment, Theodore knew he was no longer a fool. He was simply a man in love, and that was more than enough.

[hugs2doie]

hi !!! could u do a haech scenario based off round&round? i luv ur stuff sm !!!!!

round&round. — l.d.h

PAIRING. haechan x gn!reader

GENRE. idk cutesy, js haechan being whipped ngl

WC. 491

NINI’S NOTE. haechan??? my ult?? with round&round??? one of my fave nct dongs rver??? u want me so bad anon.. AND I LOVE U TOOO. fid this at 3 am and i dont yhink its proofread… not v proud kf this but i jope u liekk it 💞💞 (turn on light mode for the banner to look prettier 😓)

“smile a bit!” you had told haechan with a big smile of your own, as you were holding his phone up, ready to take a picture with him.

but if only it was so easy for haechan to stand close to you without feeling his heart beating faster than the speed of light.

his pretty brown eyes bore into yours in nervousness after you scolded him, but he nevertheless stood closer to you, and slowly threw up a peace sign and a small smile.

“say cheese!”

and just like that, the picture that he was looking at with the goofiest and biggest grin ever on his hand, was taken.

he wasn’t even looking at himself in the picture, he was looking at you.

you and your stupid smile that got him feeling like he’s a little boy who just got his first ever crush. you who made him feel like he was so close but so far away from you. you who made him scared to make the first move, because you’re just friends, what if you reject him? but also you, who makes him the happiest man with just throwing a glance on his way.

he wasted his time today again. and before he knows it, it’s 2:30 am.

2:30 am.

he’s been tossing and turning under his bed sheets for a while trying to sleep, yet both his heard and brain won’t let him. what is wrong with him? he simply wanted to have a nice night sleep, and not think about his stupid teenage-y boy crush on his friend, those were for kids anyways.

but no matter how hard he tried, thoughts of you just won’t leave him alone.

did he seriously have to be so pathetically in love with you? his friends have called him a loser multiple times ‘cause of this but he just can’t see why. i mean, it’s not like he’ll confess and then boom you’re dating! it’s more complicated than that, a lot more.

he just didn’t want to lose you. a simple confession between friends can ruin the whole friendship.

his overthinking was really eating him up this late at night.

you really were his everything. you were his sun and he was just the earth orbiting, and always wandering around you. he’d seek for you everywhere, but sometimes he’d think if you’d feel the same. i mean you have said a couple of “i love you”s, but those were just in the friendship way, right?

he needs you deeply. it’s like he’s a drug addict and you’re the drug.

at this point he’s surprised you haven’t figured out he likes you. the poor boy stutters and avoids eye contact with you all the time.

but he can’t help but be obvious when it comes to you.

he wasted his time yet again today,

but who knows,

maybe tomorrow he won’t.

[katemoneymartinsgf]

Training Room Pt. 2 - Kate Martin

Pairing: Kate Martin x Waterpolo Reader

A/N: Ik the first chapter was written like 27 years ago but I am back at it. This is just to build and get the story going.

Part 1

You sat on the edge of the pool, feet dangling in the cool water. The echo of the final whistle from yesterday’s game still rang in your ears, and your shoulder throbbed with a dull ache that pulsed with each beat of your heart. You hadn’t mentioned how bad it hurt to anyone, but it was getting harder to ignore. The pool was quiet now, practice long over, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

Absentmindedly rubbing your shoulder, your eyes fell on the tattoo on your forearm. The design was simple but held deep meaning. It was a tribute to the friend who had dragged you into the water and taught you how to swim. She was the reason you had even considered water polo, the reason you were here. You missed her—God, you missed her. But there was too much at stake now to let yourself dwell on it for too long.

A soft creak broke the silence, and you looked up to see a familiar blonde walking through the gate.

“Hey,” Kate called out, her voice carrying across the water.

“Hey,” you replied, trying to muster a smile. She walked over and took a seat next to you, legs crossed as she looked out at the water.

“Shouldn’t you be icing that shoulder?” she asked, nodding toward your injury.

You shrugged, trying to play it off. “I’m fine. Just needed some time to think.”

Kate raised an eyebrow. “You know, ‘fine’ is a relative term. You look like you’re in pain.”

You chuckled softly. “I’ve had worse. Just trying to clear my head, what are you doing here”

Kate gave a sympathetic smile. “Coach let us out early today. Figured I’d check in. Didn’t expect to find you here.”

You tilted your head, a hint of a grin tugging at your lips. “at the pool, where is swim for a living?You didn’t expect to find me here?”

“okay jeez maybe i just wanted to see you,” Kate said with a smirk. “I promise I wasn’t stalking you or anything. Just thought I’d see what’s up.”

A slight blush crept into your cheeks as you looked back out at the water.

The creak of the gate again pulled you away from the conversation. You both turned to see Jade making her way over, her usual determined stride carrying her across the deck. She spotted the two of you sitting together, and for a moment, her expression softened. Tough as she was, you knew her well enough to see through that exterior.

“Found you,” Jade said as she approached, her eyes flicking briefly to Kate before settling on you. “Still feeling sore?”

“A bit,” you admitted, not wanting to get into it. “Just trying to get my head straight for next week.”

Jade nodded, her expression serious. “You should really take it easy. We need you at your best.”

“I know,” you said, appreciating her concern, even if it wasn’t always obvious. “I’ll be fine. Just need to push through.”

Kate stood up, clearing her throat and brushing off her shorts. “I should probably get going. Don’t want Caitlin to think I’ve gone off the grid.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Does she have you on a curfew?”

Kate grinned. “Hey, she worries. I don’t want her sending out a search party.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want that,” you said with a small laugh, feeling the tension ease a bit.

Kate gave you a brief smile. “See you around, okay?”

“Definitely,” you replied, watching her head off.

Jade didn’t sit down, just stood there looking at you with that same unreadable expression. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I will be,” you said, more to convince yourself than her.

“Good,” she said, nodding slightly. “Because we need you in top shape. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” you said, appreciating the reassurance.

“i’m serious y/n, don’t push to hard because in the end that what might hurt us the most”

With that, Jade turned and left, leaving you alone once again. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding, staring out at the water as it gently lapped against the sides of the pool. There was a lot riding on your recovery, and as much as you wanted to be ready, you couldn’t help but worry about whether you’d get there in time.

Your eyes drifted back to the tattoo on your forearm. It was funny how much could change in such a short time. How someone could be there one minute and gone the next. But you were still here, and you had a promise to keep—to yourself, to your team, and to her.

~

Do you guys wanna know more abt jade perchance?

[reds-skull]

Not Alive, Nor Dead

[NEXT PART]

Okay I'm trying to be brave and post this before I chicken out, first time writing a fic, and I'm not sure if this is any good.

So, since I don't have time to draw out all of the revenant au story, but I still want to share it, I'm writing it instead.

Will continue this if people are interested!

[this isn't requiered but reading the comic might help you understand this better]

[also there's a Soap pov version of this by Badolmen, it doesn't line up 100% because we didn't work together but it's very very good and you should read it regardless]

“No.”

“I wasn’t asking, Ghost.”

He shifted in his place. Can never get used to Price’s voice in his head.

“You know I work best alone. All he’s gonna do is get in the way.” 

Price’s mustache twitched, as if he’s fighting a smile. Bastard is about to drop something to win the entire argument, Ghost already knows.

“He’s a revenant. Strong one too.” 

Fucking figures. Still, he could argue he doesn’t need any support-

“Intel is rigged with explosives. And the Sergeant just so happens to be explosion-proof.”

…Fuck.

Ghost sighs heavily like he was presented with an unreasonable amount of shit to deal with. He watches as Price sits there, shit eating grin spitting at him. He looks back to the folder, at the details of this already annoying mission, “you said there are 2 buildings?”

Price snaps from his self boasting to confirm “one suspected barracks and the other an abandoned warehouse. Warehouse contains the majority of explosives.” 

Finally finding something to work with, Ghost straightens his back to his usual self-assured posture, “the Sergeant can deal with the warehouse, I’ll clear the barracks. No need to work together.”

Price seems less happy about that. Serves him right. He sighs and drags a hand over his face, and Ghost almost feels bad for ruining his plan to get him to play with a team. Almost.

“Will it kill you to try and work with the lad?” Price asks offhandedly, while organising the folder back to the never-ending pile of documents on his desk.

“You mean again?” Ghost would wear his own shit eating grin if his face wasn’t permanently covered.

Price still seems equally pissed. Probably saw it in his literal mind’s eye. “Get out of my office Lieutenant, wheels up at 0500.” He gets up and walks around his desk to face Ghost, “don’t scare the kid off alright? I have a feeling you two could mash well together.”

Ghost tilts his head and projects the most doubt he could muster at Price. “Yes sir.”

This is going to be a bloody long day.

It’s not that Ghost hates people per se, it’s just that most of them seem hell-bent on being annoying, disruptive, or boring. Useless on the field for someone of his caliber, and even more useless off-field.

He knows he’s not exactly easy to relate to, but he couldn’t care less about trying to be. He’s here for one purpose. And it’s not “making friends” or whatever Price and Gaz has been trying to push him towards.

He wonders which category the Sergeant currently standing in front of him will fall into. By his fidgeting nature and easy smile, Ghost would put his money on “annoying”.

The Sergeant, “Soap” apparently (Ghost wonders if that callsign was given to him before or after he died a probably painful death), now directs that smile at him, seemingly undeterred by the giant man wearing a skull like a stereotypical grim reaper. He has to give it to the lad, at least he hides his discomfort well.

“You must be Ghost, eh? Let’s get ourselves a win LT” The Sergeant says with an obvious Scottish accent, fist-bumps his shoulder and walks off towards transport.

Oh, annoying is definitely winning.

Despite that, Ghost can’t feel like Soap really fits it. He’s unlike the other muppets in the category, He’s not poking him like the rookies do, trying to make him reveal his powers.

No, the Sergeant is annoying like an overly friendly dog is to someone that doesn’t want to be licked. He’s acting like they’re just two normal soldiers on their way to a normal mission, not the unnatural, unexplainable phenomena they actually are.

Ghost will have to keep watching. Certainly on field he will be able to find out his true colors.

On the helo, Ghost picks his usual spot near the ramp, where the lights don’t reach as much and most prefer not to sit, and observes Soap. His fidgety nature stayed the same, but the carefree expression he wore on ground morphed into a determined one, face stern and serious. He seemed lost in thought, eyebrows twitching here and there. He sees how his fingertips flicker, watching flames dance between them before the rapid movements put them out.

Well, at the very least Soap doesn’t fall into “boring”.

Clearing the barracks is a laughably easy job, even without using his powers. Although, it would’ve been so much faster with them… too bad he doesn’t hate the Sergeant enough to send him to Limbo.

They practically run through both buildings, untouchable storms. Ghost has to admit, Soap is clearly competent, disarming bombs and taking down hostiles at an impressive rate.

God, he hates when Price is right.

“Ground floor clear, heading to the basement” Soap relays on comms. 

“Copy, clearing third floor, keep an eye out for Intel.” 

“I have to say LT, you’re not quite like I expected.”

Feeling’s mutual, Ghost thinks to himself. “That so?”

“Aye, you’re not a major cunt for starters.”

That startled a small huff out of him. What the hell do the rumors say about him? He would have to ask Gaz about that, “Could still change that Sergeant.” he mock-lectures him.

A small laugh is what he gets in return, “I doubt that. I’ve worked with some bastards before, you barely make top 50.”

“Only 50? I hoped for at least 20”

“Got work cut out for you then, sir”

“That I do.”

Ghost continues clearing the floor methodically before faltering for a moment. Why was he entertaining the Sergeant like that? Since when does he joke with people? 

Though, he would’ve done it more if he had someone so ready to joke back…

Useless thoughts. 

Cursing Price, Soap, and all other stupid distracting things swirling in his head, Ghost takes down another hostile.

The mission is going without a hitch. Which is usually when something “hitches”.

A couple of minutes after Soap’s last words, Ghost sees a bright light flash from the warehouse, before a soundwave shakes the windows of the now barren barracks.

One of the explosives went off… “Soap, what the hell happened there?”

No answer.

Ghost knows he’s fine. Price wouldn’t brag about how “explosion-proof” he is otherwise. But he’s not answering…

“Sergeant, give me sitrep, now.”

Ghost stands still for another minute, listening to static. He checked the last room right before the explosion went off, so he just has to go to exfil and wait for the Sergeant at this point. His part of the work is done.

He should just go to exfil.

Ghost climbs down the stairs and heads for the warehouse, a foreboding plume of dark smoke billowing from its roof.

If asked why he didn’t ignore his gut feeling and use his brain like always, he wouldn’t have an answer.

Maybe he just wanted to exchange one more joke with the Sergeant before they finish the mission and never see each other again.

Arriving at the doors, he sees how the ground floor caved in, creating a ramp down to the basement. He starts making his way down, when he sees bodies littering the debris. Was Soap ambushed?

“Soap? Where the fuck are you Sergeant!” Ghost shouts. He has half a mind to be quiet, not wanting to attract enemies to their location, before realizing no one would’ve survived this. No one but-

“LT…?”

“Soap, why weren’t you answering comms- what…”

He stumbles upon Soap. Soap, who's laying on the grey concrete floor, wheezing and shaking, a metal rebar in his hands. Ghost walks closer and realizes the rebar is going through his stomach and pinning him to the floor. 

The Sergeant’s eyes blearily look at the metal “I need, I n-need to get this out…”

He lifts himself half an inch and Ghost sees how the blood rushes out of the wound, how Soap pales. 

Ghost rushes to his side. “Stop fucking moving”, he slides his hands under his torso, feels his gloves getting soaked in blood, “let me help you”.

Soap’s breathing becomes less harsh, and he looks up at him, “you… you don’t have to-”

He slowly lifts Soap before he can say another useless remark. The muscles under his fingertips clench and the Sergeant chokes out a scream.

“Fuck” Soap mutters between pants. 

“We’re halfway there, you’re doing good.” Ghost lets him rest before continuing to lift his body up. The blood keeps rushing out of the wound, enough that he doesn’t understand how Soap is still conscious. The sergeant let go of the rebar, and is now gripping Ghost’s forearms like he’s about to fall to his death.

After a few seconds, which Ghost is sure felt like hours for Soap, he eases him off the metal and onto the ground. Soap immediately collapses, shuddering and holding his hands around the wound.

Ghost then realizes he’s not sure how the Sergeant’s powers work. Is this supposed to even happen? Is he actually dying?

Soap looks up at that moment, giving him a small smile that looks more like a grimace, “I just… give me a minute to heal, I’ll be ready to go soon.” he uncurls and drags himself to sit against a piece of wall.

Ghost frowns and slowly steps towards Soap and slides to sit next to him, “take however long you need.”

He doesn’t look, but from his peripheral, he sees Soap’s head whipping around and staring at Ghost like he told him he’s giving him a million pounds.

He seemed to find something in his expression (however much he could even see of it), and looked down at his bloodied hands, “thank ye…”

Ghost blinks down, “I hope this doesn’t lower my cunt rank.”

Soap lets out a small laugh that turns into a fit of coughs. More blood rushes out of his wounds, and Ghost internally winces.

“Ha… I think it takes ye off the list, mate.”

Ghost heaves an over-the-top sigh, “shame”.

Soap smiles at him, and Ghost notices it’s different from the one he gave him before the helo. This one is… warmer. Or at least it makes him feel so.

Soap lifts his shirt to inspect the wound, and Ghost can’t help by take a look. The wound stopped bleeding, and when Soap wipes some of it away, he can see how it’s already closing.

So he does get hurt… it just heals. Ghost still wonders how it all works, but he knows their powers work with bizarre rules, weird exceptions and what not. He can almost hear his Reaper laughing. Or whatever you would call that chilling noise it lets out when it finds something funny.

It doesn’t matter either way. Not like he’ll get to work with Soap again. 

The Sergeant exhales and lets his shirt drop, “a’right, let’s fuckin’ finish this.” he slowly starts lifting himself up before Ghost wordlessly grabs his arms and helps him.

Soap mumbles a thanks, “did you find any intel?” 

Ghost looks ahead. The climb out of the basement won’t be easy on his wound… “Negative. We’ll keep looking.”

Eventually they reach a door labelled “storage”, that is blocked by several tonnes of concrete and metal. Ghost internally curses.

Soap, who’s been trailing behind Ghost, reaches the door and looks around. Ghost is about to ask him if he’s got a few C4’s hidden somewhere when the Sergeant asks him, “permission to use my powers, sir?”

Ghost raises an eyebrow, “what are you planning?”

“Gonna blow it up sir” Soap says like it was obvious.

“...go ahead.” Ghost replies, half baffled Price forgot to mention the Sergeant, besides being unkillable by explosions, can also create them. 

Was probably in the folder he didn’t bother reading.

He takes a step back to let Soap Have a go. The Sergeant rests his palms on the debris, inhales, and…

A loud boom makes Ghost’s ears ring. He’s momentarily blinded by the bright explosion before he regains his vision, and sees Soap stepping around the remains of the door into the small room.

Ghost shakes away his slight shock and joins him. Soap’s powers intrigue him… he wonders what else he could do.

Somehow, the intel survived the explosions. Ghost could barely care. At least they won’t have Price on their case later on. 

As they walk towards the exfil point, a heavy feeling sinks within Ghost. He’s not sure what to call it, but if he had to it would be “regret”.

Regretting what, he’s not sure. Maybe he should’ve prolonged their walk.

And from a glance at his face, Soap might understand this feeling as well.

“You did well Sergeant.” He has the sudden urge to say. Maybe it will make him regret less.

Soap casts a smile at him. It doesn’t warm him in the slightest.

The chopper blades slashing through air never made him feel worse.

“I guess this is it then.” Soap says when they land.

Ghost turned to face him. That heavy feeling in him just kept getting heavier throughout the flight. Why?

“So it seems.”

Soap stares for a moment longer before sighing. Ghost wants to do something about the annoyingly heavy air of despair around them.

“Soap” the Sergeant hums, “Why did the Scotsman’s prank fail?”.

Confusion takes over his features, “what?”

Ghost inhales, “because no one let him get away scot-free.”

Soap stares at him like he brought shame to his entire bloodline. Ghost grins like he did.

“Steamin’ Jesus LT, that was horrendous.”

“Ah Sergeant, just admit my jokes are better, no need to be a sore loser.” 

“My gran got better jokes than this, fuckin’ hell” Soap laughs.

“I’d like to meet her.”

“So you two could battle? I rather not see you die of embarrassment sir.”

Soap’s transport decides to arrive at this moment, chasing away the small joy they both found.

Soap looks back at it and turns to Ghost.

“It’s been great working with you sir.” if Ghost was feeling bold, he would say Soap almost looks sad, “I hope we’ll get to go another round later.”

Ghost hates the hopeful tone in his voice. Hope is uncertain, leaves everything up to chance.

Useless.

“Likewise, Sergeant.”

He stays standing there for a few minutes, staring at the truck vanishing towards the horizon. As if it will lighten the boulder in his chest.

“So, Simon, what’s your verdict?” Price finishes after debrief.

Ghost thinks about the entire endeavour. Not annoying, not disruptive, or boring.

Soap is…

“He’s something else…”

Critiques are welcome! Nobody beta'd this so I'm sure there are mistakes lol (that and this isn't my first language...)

[god-mouths]

Scott pilgrim is a modern retelling of Dante’s Inferno, and I want to talk about it

Hi . Brought this up very briefly a while ago but i rewatched spto with friends last night and got my gears turning. I don’t usually make posts like this but It’s been on my mind and I want to share. Here we goooo. Under read more becwuse I wish not to disturb my beloved friends with a long post

First off, let’s start with theeeee obvious.

Say hello to our Dante and Beatrice.

I don’t think I need to go into this first one much, but Scott and Dante are of course the heroes(term used lightly. Scott is not a good person and honestly neither was fuckinh Dante of all people) of their respective tales, going through hell and back to win over this ethereal, “too good to be true” heavenly dream girl. Scott even dies to get her in the end, like Dante venturing down into the depths of hell, dying and then ascending to get to Beatrice. If I wanted to really stretch it I could say the dreamscape is a sort of purgatory but I don’t think there’s enough evidence for that one.

Next,

Our Virgil. What’s up, Wallace.

In the comics Wallace acts as a sort of guide to Scott. We end up seeing him less as the comic progresses, which I find lines up with Virgil having to part ways with Dante before he enters heaven. Not much to say otherwise admittedly. Love you though buddy

Now for the symbolism of hell. Since there are nine circles of hell, it obviously can’t match up one to one with the exes unless we add some of scott’s relationships to the mix, which both doesn’t make sense, causes this analysis to get stupider than it already is, and leaves some characters left over that already don’t fit in to these parallels.

Luckily, however, there are The Seven Deadly Sins. Going to be going in sin order rather than ex order here

Firstly,

MATTHEW PATEL - PRIDE

- the first boyfriend and the first sin very conveniently line up, which threw me off track because I thought the exes would go in the order of the sins. Enyways

- in the movies, comics, and shows, he is insanely flashy with how he presents himself. It’s the entrance, the dances, the expressive clothing (“that guy’s dressed as a pirate” “pirates are in this year!”, modifying Gideon’s suit to fit his color palette, the outfit he wore while kicking gideon’s ass). The theatre kid in him essentially

- taking the lead in the musical Knives and Stephen presented him with— they knew how to cater to him, because he views himself as the coolest bitch on the planet. Which honestly he kind of is but don’t tell him this

- so headstrong in his pride that he fucks up. Repeatedly. First to get killed, too cocky, spends all of gideons money “I’ve lost billions!”

- believes he’s entitled to Ramona as soon as he wins the fight against Scott

GIDEON- GREED

- I don’t feel like I have to explain this one but I will because I enjoy him greatly

- CEO, billionaire. Money money money mr rich

- literally “owns” or tries to excersize ownership Ramona in the comics and movie as if she belongs to him— with the glow, or with the chip implanted into her neck with his logo on it.

- has all of his past girlfriends cryogenically frozen. All for him none for anyone else. They should only love meeeeee.

- wants everything for himself in excess. Women, fame, money. Almost considered pride for him also but greed is more fitting

KEN AND KYLE- ENVY AND LUST

- holy shit this image has five pixels so sorry about that I’m on my phone and Google images sucks

- anyways of course they’re sharing sins

- not much to say here as they don’t show up much, and it’s easy to make the argument of envy or lust for ANY of the seven exes. These two were the hardest to figure out. Not as sure on Envy, but can definetly advocate for lust— playing around with women, thinking they were playing around with Ramona.

TODD- GLUTTONY

- this one was the easiest one for me. Like come on

- breaks vegan edge in the comics, movie, (vegan police), and show (Wallace breakup event 2 dead 5 injured)

- his whole persona revolves around food. Of course gluttony doesn’t always mean food but here it most definetly equates. Even when he’s vegan he always makes it a talking point of how superior he is to others because of this fact, only for it to blow up in his face when his enjoyment of non vegan food catches up to him.

ROXY- WRATH

- a very angry girl to be sure. Takes her emotions out using violence, attacking Ramona the first time she sees her, even though she is going out of the order of the league and supposed to be attacking Scott (although I guess that point is moot because they all think he’s dead at that point)

- “I’m bi-furious” line from the movie deserves a shout out here I think

- (completely justified) Unending rage against Ramona in the show, and scott in the comics and movies. She is PISSED.

Lastly,

LUCAS LEE- SLOTH

- also one of the easiest ones. Could have made an argument for pride (tries to prove he can land a sick ollie so hard that he dies) or greed (movie star who lives in huge mansion), but sloth ultimately fit the bill the best.

- even before we get into his reoccurring theme of “whatever” in the show, it’s pretty evident in the comics and movie that he doesn’t care enough to extend effort. He tells Scott he’ll leave him alone and say his ass got kicked if Scott gave him a twenty dollar bill, sends his stunt doubles to fight Scott in his stead.

- onto the show, he lets his stardom slip out of his fingers with his attitude, not even caring to read or memorize the script anymore (“is that why half the lines in your last film were ‘Let’s Party’?” “I uhh, read the title.” Etc). Just spends all his time messing around and skateboarding. The title of his episode is literally “Whatever”. He doesn’t give enough of a shit to care. Which. Respect I guess

Extra; the exes ARE referred to as “the seven deadly chumps” in the show.

In conclusion;

[hanarchy]

I'm a Chan girlie (derogatory) and I do agree tbh. He seems like a genuinely good guy but I feel like he's got issues and needs therapy tbh with you. But then again, I have a hard time blaming him for that, boy was pushed from a young age by his weird ass parents to be famous, was flown out to a foreign country on his own at like 12 or 13 and immediately put in the worst position a young teen who just likes music could be in. I really like the guy, but a lot of his fans act like he's a lot more than what it is: a musically talented good looking dude who just happened to become famous.

mhm yeah i think like. he’s an interesting case study in terms of kpop and fame in general. i have a feeling this reply is gonna get ridiculously long so i’m sorry in advance.

edit: ok i split it up into parts:

1. teenager and industry in general

2. early career and skz as a group

3. recent position in the company and fans

edit 2: i also put it under a read more. listen i know u never asked me to psychoanalyze bang christopher chan on this beautiful august evening but i, like literally everyone else in this fandom, just cannot resist it 💀

bro i gotta be honest with u idk why i typed all this out and theres certainly no real point but its done now

1. teenager and kpop industry in general

like i think chan is the perfect idol less in how talented he is (please do not misconstrue this as me saying he is not talented that is not what i said) but much much more in this ‘narc energy’ i tried to describe earlier. it is very obvious that companies don’t just look for star quality but also for obedience and what they like to call ‘good nature’ as well as for resilience and the willingness to basically destroy yourself for your career.

and chan certainly has that. like i think about how he speaks about his dad and how deeply uncomfortable it makes me to hear him talk because it reminds me of soso many of my childhood friends who thought they needed to live up to some ideal their parents either picked for them or represented. now most people kind of start developing away from that in their teenage years and form an identity of their own but what kpop companies do really effectively is to intervene in that process and give these teens a new ideal to neatly replace the old one.

on the one hand that’s kind of convenient because it means you have to do much less emotional work, if your parents are supportive of this dream it makes for an easy transition for them, too because you don’t have to fight them for more freedom all the time and honestly apart from the dieting it is a relatively safe way to assert independence. like teenagers are also impulsive and kinda bad at making decisions so i saw a lot of my friends go down a much more self-destructive road than becoming a trainee.

on the other hand though you do have to grow up sometime and if you really take the idol life and that dream seriously that kinda means selling your body and soul to a deeply corrupt capitalist machine and a faceless public that each have the power to make or break you. like you promise so much of your energy, future earnings and also just so much of your time on earth to this career before you’ve ever even had a normal job.

like by all accounts chan was way too young to understand what any of this entailed when he decided to do it (frankly i think its hard to understand even as an adult like i certainly have no fucking idea what it must feel like to have thousands of people on the internet ask you to show them your bedroom)

and like whats especially twisted (i think its mostly post bts but i think as a prototype shinee are a good example as well and i think tbh kpop also learned from the success of one direction and how intensely parasocial that was thanks to a casting show) is that companies figured out that fans form a close emotional bond with idols who are perceived to have struggled and suffered. like it’s a good story for the underdog to make it big, for the guys with a creative vision to do their own thing to make it in a highly regulated industry.

it’s kind of obvious with how many groups get documentaries where they cry and struggle and how few of them get actual psychological help that companies have an incentive to make them suffer (justice for my sweet sakura she needs rest and support and PRIVACY).

now i’m not saying anyone is being tortured or anything and i’m not one of those ‘kpop is trafficking’ truthers like i think its much more mundane in how they use the natural stressors of the job, cultural expectations and the idols’ own perfectionism or traits and just point a camera at them.

for chan its the being the eldest child responsibility, the real need to please his father figures and his perfectionist nature. plus i do think foreign idols (even from korean families) often feel they need to prove that they can be a part of korean society, that they are as respectful and well behaved and understand the norms and customs.

and jyp(e) (both the man and the company) was kind of able to twist their role in his life to be both his torturer and his savior in how they played the stray kids survival show and his trainee career. showering him in praise and at the same time never debuting him, letting him pick his members and then basically publicly tearing all his choices apart over 9 episodes. etc etc

like he was always gonna come out of that mix either really loving the company and authority figures in his life or deeply resenting all of it and i think his ambition and pride (which can keep u from admitting u made a wrong decision) kept him from the latter option.

2. early career and skz as a group

i think early adulthood is kind of the time where you get to test your new identity you created as a teen against the reality of living in the world. are your talents enough? is your self-image correct? do you have the strength and resilience to be who you want to be? did you know how to pick the right people to support you and be friends with?

and i think like this is where chan felt like his choice of sticking with the company was correct because they gave him comebacks, money, creative support, creative freedom, they didnt doubt the group when woojin left and gave chan so many things to make the music he wants to make and also they had the patience to wait out the first win, the first hit, the parasocial fanbase and so on.

so like that probably solidified his impression that he made the right choice and again all the stress and the pressure coupled with that support made this kind of abusive bond between the company and chan even stronger.

and now you have him caring for the whole group, which is both exploiting and playing into his strength which is his sense of responsibility. and i think again he probably felt like a gift was being given to him in the form of a debut and 7 guys who he could care for and who also cared for him enough to take on some of that responsibility.

he’s testing his self perception of being talented, reliable, strong against the reality of being an idol and he feels like he made the right choices, like the identity he picked for himself as a teen is viable and so his love for the company is reinforced and is strengthened by his love for the members.

plus you get this fan layer which is another highly complex relationship to process. its kind of unconditional adoration except its HIGHLY conditional and you dont know what those conditions are. i think his reaction to that random cornrow thing and how he generally seems indignant and mad about being told what to do by fans is soooooo interesting bc like. this is the king of fanservice to a frankly ABSURD degree like no other idol is that bad, again i’m sorry to the chan girls but that bbl vibe is so…. 😬

so it gains another layer and maybe a realer support system and more true friendships that arent transactional. but at the same time he gains this faceless crowd making decisions for him. like thats a tangled psychological web and its obvious why he would be so loyal to the company and the established status quo since they never wavered in their support for him even when he was stupid and more importantly EVEN when he wasnt making them money.

3. recent position in the company and fans

now like. ive been talking about him kind of as if he doesnt know that his relationship with the company is transactional but i think he has always been aware of it but that he was just ok with what he got out of it. because i think he also has a veryyyyy healthy self confidence and his ambition is BIG like.

i always say that the only thing abt skz’s personalities that i am actually certain of is their ambition. they want to be the biggest group in the company, in the industry, they want to be the biggest group in the world. I think chan has wanted that for a long time. and i think he understands why the company built the narratives they did.

like i actually kind of disagree with you a little bc i think he very very deliberately got famous and he also deliberately did it in this company. because as hard to navigate as this whole web is emotionally, for a man in a kpop company (and yes, gender is EXTREMELY important in this context) theres also a fixed set of rules and steps to influence and power (there are some exceptions like got7 but even they were eventually able to leave with their group name and trademarks which is entirely unheard of for girl groups). he followed the steps laid out by jype and he has what he wanted now. and i think bang chan today has a lot of agency, he has a lot of power over the group but also in the company so in many ways he did actually make the right decisions when he was very young and i think this position in the company is good for his pride as well.

now you mentioned his fans and how weird some of them are about him and i think tbh it’s somewhat normal and expected that they are this weird abt him given the entire strange and complex relationship i just explained. like he himself does not know how to handle his fans in a way thats healthy for him. i think channies room was the biggest proof of that and the way his confidence seems to have skyrocketed since that ended is kind of interesting to me.

like ok heres my last mean statement about him: he does not care about his fans more than any other idol. he does not mean to ‘protect’ all of us. he is appreciative and grateful. and i think something unique about him and skz is that there seem to be very many kpop (male) groups who dont like being known for kpop or as idols. they want credit as artists and singers and musicians in other genres. i think hes unique in that he has real respect for idol music and idol work and the kind of fans that come along with it (young women).

i also think he means it when he says skz aims to be a safe place for their fans and a fun place but i think he had to find out what that means for himself. he genuinely seems to want good things for people but he used to pretend he had a personal relationship with every single fan and that’s bound to lead to a fucked reaction from fans. like him pretending to be your boyfriend on bbl or him yelling at that seoul concert or the strangely intimate nature of chans room all kind were his own doing and i do think its a bit of his own fault that fans are this weird abt him.

and i think he probably thought he had to do all that because of how much responsibility he took on in the company and EVERYTHING i mentioned above so like. his own perception is also fucked. but i think realizing that he is allowed boundaries and that he can have a relationship with fans on his own terms has been very good for him. theres a real sense of separation these days, he seems to volunteer information or photos/content rather than having it forced out of him.

unfortunately the damage is done and chan stans are already… like that. like i have NEVER met a chan bias who doesnt on some level believe they know him better than everyone else, even the most level headed ones. hell i kinda think i understand him better than everyone else (look at this stupidly long post). and the recent distance that is perceived as new and unusual from him has left a lot of fans feeling rejected. and because they put him up on such a high pedestal and believe all of his declarations of love they cant stand the idea that it was his doing/decision and look for some other thing to blame (the company, other fans, the members… the list goes on)

[20elements]

I’ll be discussing some of my favorite perspectives on each of Night Raven College’s seven dorms and/or their chapters. If I sound like I’m using “fighting words”, it’s not my purpose to roast or insult any characters (I just like reading my own words). A lot of these may also tie into the deadly sin their Overblotters embody. Be forewarned that there will be Chapter 7 spoilers and more in this entry.

Heartslabyul - Rush the Roses Red

For why Heartslabyul marks our first chapter, I’ll get the obvious explanations out of the way first: We know both the game’s title and which dorm’s based on Wonderland itself. Not surprisingly, we get Ace and Deuce as joint tritagonists even before Chapter 1 starts. Additionally, the Queen of Hearts’ role in Alice was relatively short, so it’s easy to see why Heartslabyul would get the shortest hence first chapter in the game. But what I really want to go into is Riddle Rosehearts.

We now know that Chapter 1 is earlier than the writers had planned to explain Blot, but they still use so many puddle scenes to keep us in anticipation. And who better to use than Riddle, the irritable teapot despot? If I’m not mistaken, there were more Blot sightings in Chapter 1 than any other, not to mention how soon we would fight his Overblot. As Chapter 6 would confirm, Riddle easily produces Blot because of both his temperament and his exhaustive use of magic. In short, because Riddle's so quick to anger, he's also quick to OB, which is why he's up first.

Savanaclaw - Pawn Promotion

“If you intend to stay in this dorm, there is but one rule you have to follow. Obey me.” —Leona Kingscholar

What makes Leona so effortlessly charismatic is not only his strength and skills, but more importantly, how he strategically instructs his underlings just like a game of chess (in good faith to Scar’s campaign). As long as his leadership guides his team where needed, Leona can always get away with slacking himself; even the Spelldrive Club attests to this. But the clearest example is in Chapter 2, go figure.

For starters, Leona doesn’t have a high opinion of Ruggie’s UM, yet he invests a great deal into the hyena. Leona turns Ruggie into a serial “assassin” who successfully injures so many potential competitors, including even some vice housewardens. He even gets Ruggie a UM buff to carry a stadium’s worth of people. (When I first saw Chapter 2, I even wondered if Ruggie would be the one to OB instead, tbh.) 

As efficient as Leona’s tactics usually are, however, the king himself barely moves a square. When cornered, Leona just drops the ball on his plans, yet Overblots when pressed further. Still, as lazy as Leona is, stepping too close to the king is dangerous for both parties, but on this occasion, he doesn’t bring home a “checkmate”.

Octavinelle - Inciting the Impoverished

In order to make my point about Octavinelle, or at least Azul, I’ll also have to make this about “us”, or the MC. In Chapter 3, we are both Azul’s foil and a testament to his avarice. It’s harrowing enough for the MC that we’re isekai’d into TW with zero superpowers, but now our closest friends are “un-maged” and we lose our only shelter for trying to save them. In the end, we’re left with… Jack—whoescortsintolion’sdenandfindsushelp!! 

(…Ahem.) So for once the villain’s challenging the MC, our stakes are direct, and we have to explore options ourselves to protect our livelihood. In fact, this is the only chapter so far where the MC proactively contributes to the story. And although we still need help from reluctant allies, we ultimately come up with a solution that foils Azul’s plans completely.

So why is this significant to Tako Bell? Because the MC embodies everything that Azul’s afraid of becoming: a “nothing”. Azul attributes his own self worth to his possessions, but after his greed reaches the MC and pushes us into survival mode, Azul gets outwitted by someone so empty-handed. In contrast to the MC, none of Azul’s many gifts could prevent Leona from destroying his prized contracts. When Azul is reduced to desperation, even his most trusted Leech Bros. turn on him; at that point, not even Azul’s OB would save him from defeat. Justice couldn’t be more poetic in this chapter.

“Sorry, Azul. You’re just not as dastardly a villain as ___ is.” —Leona

Scarabia - Veiled Venom

At this point, Jamil is notorious for “acting mid” to hide his charts, no small thanks to social hierarchy. But TW does even more to hide our dragons; remember the housewarden greetings? Unlike other dorms, if you’re sorted into Scarabia, Kalim gives you a nice warm welcome describing only the perks of your medicine; no indication of side effects whatsoever. He’s not here to lie, but Kalim’s hospitality masks Scarabia’s fangs as effectively as Jamil’s cookings lure prey. 

And then there’s the timing of Chapter 4; as if to keep most of the student body in the dark from Jamil’s potential, Scarabia’s story takes place in the middle of winter break (go figure, the usual tritagonists are off-campus too). As a result, only a relative few are around to witness the first vice warden OB this year.

“Mediocre, nothing. He's easily one of the top magicians in the entire school, to say nothing of Scarabia!” —Azul

But while Jamil is sold as a dark horse and established as Scarabia’s true face, we owe Kalim another look. As carefree as he is, Kalim’s potential is also a crouching tiger. He was able to surprise the Octavinelle guests twice, with a heart strong enough to deflect Jade’s truth serum and an abundantly resourceful UM for the sea creatures to use (ntm Azul’s potential cash cow). Yet, Jamil belittles Kalim the same way he himself dreads and it becomes his undoing in Chapter 4.

"You clearly don't appreciate Kalim's power for what it is, then." --Azul

Pomefiore - Mirror Mirror Magnified

“As I often remind you, I spend more time looking at you than you do looking at yourself in the mirror.” —Rook Hunt

Chapter 5 is no exception to reflecting its mascot in some way, but it’s because of Vil’s pride that the story does a few things new. As a deadly sin, pride is often considered the “mother of all sins” and yet a reasonable amount can also be a virtue. Until Vil crossed the line, the story even justifies the confidence he exudes. Hence my gist: Vil's "magic mirror" is not merely on his wall (nor pocket), but the very world around him.

All of the previous Overblotters qualify as antagonists throughout their chapters, but Vil, despite a few quarrels, has mostly remained on our side. His motives may be self serving, but he puts an earnest effort into training his team. While his critiques may be harsh, Vil explains in painstaking detail why he finds them necessary, if not agreeable. Whatever his faults, I’d argue that Vil’s the most leaderlike out of all the housewardens bar none. And when Vil deserves to be proud, the story smiles on him…

Just as Pomefiore boasts being NRC’s oldest dorm, Vil is representing the whole campus rather than just his dorm (ntm it’s Chapter 5 that recalls “Piece of My World”). Vil's pride continues to be mirrored, now using the coliseum he's performing on. Thus, when his ego does drive him out of line, we fight Vil’s OB in this very location, where the weather now sucks, “repairmen” fill his audience, and the stage is wrecked. (To add insult, the masses were off-stadium to watch Vil's brainwashed rival instead.) Chapter 5's whole mirror theme comes full circle when "Spudling 2" literally reflects Vil's own power against him two-fold, finishing his OB off. This battle even compromises his team’s ability to perform at their best afterwards. 

“The skies were clear and sunny before, yet now a tempest rages... Truly, it is like a reflection of Vil's own heart.” —Rook

So we see just how much Vil’s ego can hurt himself, but the story does still give him a lot to be proud of. Even if his OB wrecks the place, Vil’s the first boss we fight outside of his dorm and it’s on NRC’s grand stage. While drawing the line between a healthy pride and its sinful counterpart, Chapter 5 uses everything to reflect Vil in both cases.

Ignihyde - Buried Blazes Burn Blue

“Maybe to Idia and Ortho, this nightmarish situation is the reality and their life at school was more like a dream. One they’ll forget as soon as they wake up.” —Riddle

Sounds about right, we don’t even get a tour of the blue dorm in their own chapter! Instead we get STYX, which is a glorified prison as far as Idia’s concerned and that sums up his mentality. Idia rarely has the heart to explore opportunities outside, but will sing like a canary inside his own fort. But more deeply than the STYX as a whole, the most powerful metaphor for Idia’s heart is Tartarus.

Idia has a dangerous UM buried several stories underground in a fixed location and reaching it is more tedious than its stair count. If a mage’s UM reflects their heart, this tells us just how trapped Idia feels. All his talent and passion are forced under a tight lid until it bubbles up and bursts. Case in point, when we do dig deep enough, literally all hell breaks loose: Idia’s Overblot battle outscales any of the previous...

…and may take a while to break down. It’s inferred that Idia’s curse burned enough Blot from creating his own Phantom. And although he still experienced a “rush”, Idia is still level enough to talk to Ortho pragmatically and be self-aware of his own OB (a first). Speaking of, Idia’s not the only trapped heat now venting; we also have Ortho who’s been below Tartarus’ gate for nearly a decade but has consumed enough Phantoms to cause this whole incident and become the giant “Hades” we see.

In addition to the Blot burner, if I assume that Phantom Ortho is backing OB Idia without draining him like the usual, Idia gets the perks of OB free of price! All the more reasonable then that our battle against the Super Shroud Bros. would take three whole phases alongside other housewardens, Rook, Epel, and three Thunder Spears to best! Meanwhile, Idia heals at every turn, inflicts burn debuffs, and uses his “triple threat” more freely than previous OB bosses. This is the monster we find at the bottom of Tartarus—the Idia we unravel.

Also notable are Idia’s flame colors. He confirms that touching his hair wouldn’t burn us normally, but as long as blue’s hotter than orange, that tells me it’s trapped heat. But when he’s extremely pissed, Idia lets his sparks fly orange and while cooler than blue, it’s widespread enough to become his ultimate during his final OB phase. Just as his flames reflect his emotions, trapped or freed, the Tartarus towers that symbolize his depressors are the opposite element—a deep freezer for the Phantoms. 

Diasomnia - The Truest Tall Tales Told

Silver: “This isn’t a game. This is our reality.”

Idia: “W-wow! Man, that was totally protagonist dialogue! I wish I could say cool stuff like that…”

Even by TW’s standards, the Diasomnia tribe looks straight out of a fairy tale in body and soul (go figure, they even have real Fae). They’re not trying to be fictitious, but members of other dorms may still find them “chuuni”. Conversely, Diasomnia can make the rest of TW look “realistic” by comparison. And I honestly find this amusing—just picture a more “normal” sports team losing to fantasy warriors; the Spelldrive results would be even less surprising but in the most comical way possible.

On the flipside, it’s not unreasonable for Diasomnia’s characters to have a peculiar view of others as well. Take Sebek, who patronizes mankind and barely wants anything to do with us. His background might have something to do with that—Sebek grew up with very lofty figures like Malleus and Lilia to look up to, long enough to skew his own standards. But his case is a much smaller example of my point compared to the most mythical housewarden in the game, Malleus Draconia…

“Even if I had great power, I couldn’t get anything. I keep losing them. Everyone will get up from their seats and leave me. …There is no one to invite me anymore…” —Malleus

A deity among mages, Malleus embodies many “unrealistic expectations” and probably feels that the real world has no place for someone like him. His own common sense sounds alien to everyone else’s (including his own dorm members’ at times) and vice versa. Yet here he is in this reality being feared for his strength and isolated by his own lifestyle. To add to his grievances, two of the few people Malleus could get along with have plans to leave. Overall, this is not a reality Malleus is happy with and his solution couldn’t be more on point: Trap everyone in an Infinite Tsukuyomi.

“If you surrender to sleep, 1000 years will pass in a blink. You will all become the main characters of a fairy tale.” —Malleus

Sounds a lot like Silver, who’s already a shining knight in all but armor. His UM is literally NiGHTS Into Dreams and helps us traverse literal fantasies. But ironically, the most fantastical dream we visit is Lilia’s true story (aside from the added guests) and it takes us along a mapped RPG quest. Back to my point, what’s real for Diasomnia is a fairy tale for everyone else. Only way my perspective can come full circle is if Malleus’ OB fight takes place in a dream world as well, but Chapter 7 is still a ways from done as I’m typing this.

[practically-an-x-man]

Answer the questions and tag 5 fanfic authors you know

Thanks @goldheartedchaoticdisaster!!

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I was writing fanfic as a kid before I even knew what it was, I was always coming up with little stories and ideas (it always ended up where I hand-wrote ~6 pages and proceeded to completely forget about it), but it was during the early COVID pandemic that I actually started getting into the fandom scene as a whole. I started reading fanfics when I needed a pick-me-up (@asteralpine's Loki's Lullabies series GOT ME THROUGH the pandemic, no joke, they're probably the reason I stayed sane), which then led to me experimenting with writing some of my own and daring to post it.

I had the benefit of finding a little writer-friendship with another writer on AO3 when I first started out (we both wrote for Hank McCoy and would comment on each other's fics), and they would comment on every chapter of my fic even though it was probably extremely obvious that I was a new writer who didn't always know what they were doing. I genuinely think that without that encouragement and feedback, I would have fizzled out and lost confidence as a writer, so I am forever grateful to brigid1318 on AO3 for helping me get started.

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

12, not counting rollovers (y'know like "X-Men: Movieverse" vs. "X-Men: Alternate Timeline Movies"). A couple of those are just gift fics or oneshots for friends, though, not regular fandoms I write for.

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Three and a half? Not counting all the things I wrote as a kid before I even realized they were fanfic

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

Hm... I'd say it's about a 50/50 split. At the moment I'm not really branching out and exploring new fics to read, I'm kinda sticking with trying to keep up with my friends' fics since I'm so busy right now, but I'm always writing something or another.

5. What is one way you've improved as a writer?

I think crafting my characters has really improved overall. My early OCs weren't awful, and there are elements that I still like about them, but my more recent OCs just feel so much more real and human compared to the old ones.

6. What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Oh man... the history of the New York Aquarium - for my Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire fic, Heart in Your Hands. The weird part is that, since one of the characters is a ghost from 1915, I had to research both the modern version and the historical timeline, to make sure the character had the right perspective on it. And just the layout of NYC as a whole, since I've never been there myself.

7. What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

I mean, I really love any comment I get and I will never complain (unless you're mean, but... y'know, that's a given), but I LIVE for the comments that pick out particular lines or moments that they noticed. I work hard to include symbolism, foreshadowing, or even just fun bits of figurative language in my writing, and I never know what gets noticed by the readers, so I absolutely adore comments that let me see inside a reader's head like that.

8. What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

Uh... Taking Flight as a whole is pretty fringe. It takes place in the Fablehaven fandom, which is tiny, and on top of that, it involves a lot of discussion into various cryptids and magical creatures, some of which are very obscure.

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Pure-blooded romance, for sure. I need there to be something else happening, even if it's small or weird or whatever. I've never been able to read or write a story that's solely about two characters getting together.

10. What is the easiest type?

I'm gonna say angst or horror. I watch a TON of horror movies (it's kinda my job lol) and read a lot of horror books, so capturing that whole atmosphere is really easy for me at this point.

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Most of my writing is on AO3, though I've gotten into the habit of doing some writing here on tumblr too - mainly oneshots, ficlets, bonus pieces, etc., while the main fics or series are on AO3.

12. What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

I read the Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires a while back and was fascinated by the character James Harris (I want to slice him up and put him on microscope slides), and I want to write a piece exploring more of the book's themes of subtle manipulation and abuse. I haven't written it yet because 1. I don't trust people's reading comprehension and I worry it would be misconstrued as me glorifying abuse when it absolutely is not, and 2. I haven't seen anyone really talk about the book so I can't imagine many people would read it

13. What made you choose your username?

I chose my tumblr username first, then just made my AO3 username the same one. It's an anecdote about my personal life - I've got a ton of genetic mutations (my body is lowkey a total mess) so I'm 'practically an X-Man'

Tagging (no pressure!): @can-of-pringles @kyber-infinitygems @witchy-self-shipper @negative-speedforce @sashathedoge

[caffeinatedowlbear]

Unlikely Occupations for Handsome Jack

I played this on the soon-no-longer-twitter, and figured I like these too much to lose them when that site inevitably becomes an ex-parrot. This post will collect all the previous AUs I've made, and you can request new ones in the comments.

The rules are simple: name a job/occupation that would be very unlikely for Handsome Jack, and I'll try to come up with an IC(ish), (mostly) not crack explanation of how he ended up that way. All ideas generated from this exercise are free for the taking, as long as: 1) the prompt giver doesn't mind; 2) you let me know what you make of it.

Note: while any minimum wage job fits the 'unlikely' criteria, ideally I'm looking for suggestions of jobs/occupations that someone (but normally, not Jack) would conceivably WANT to do, and not just to survive. It's sad but true that people rarely end up in minimum wage jobs for interesting reasons. So please go easy on burger flipping, shelf restocking, call centers and the like.

Prompts filled so far: Janitor, DJ, Florist, Marine Biologist, Preschool Teacher, Pediatric Nurse (new!).

Outstanding prompts: cab driver; mortician; therapist/social worker (got ideas for this one); supermarket cashier (got half a plan)

Filled prompts below, starting with a fan favorite.

Janitor

Now, I know that ‘it’s just a front’ may sound like a cop-out because it can apply to any ‘Jack in a minimum-wage job’ scenario. So I tried to make it more interesting.

Setting: can be modern-day, can be sci-fi, but needs to be an AU in which Jack isn’t instantly recognizable by all and sundry. He is a rich and successful asshole, though. But there’s a certain shiny object he really, REALLY wants to get his hands on. Could be physical thing, could be information. Either way, something that money (of which he has plenty) can’t buy, because it’s held by another, even richer asshole.

Multiple attempts to infiltrate the guy’s home, where the shiny is kept, have failed. The mark is famously a recluse, his security systems are deadly, and all his staff are life-long friends and acquaintances. There’s only one tiny security hole: cleaning and maintenance. Now, most of it is automated, but once every few months, there’s a need for human labor. So every few months, a trusted and vetted housekeeping services agency dispatches some of its most trusted and vetted workers. And isn’t it lucky that Jack has a contact at said agency?

It goes off without a hitch at first. Agency Contact makes sure Jack’s fake identity passes all the background checks, and adds him to the next crew dispatched to Rich Asshole’s house. But then, Agency Contact is busted for an unrelated piece of shady business. Their latest acts in the company come under scrutiny. Jack’s employment status holds, but not his assignment. He is supposed to have at least six months of spotless (...sorry :p) record with the agency before he can get assigned to high-priority jobs like this.

So now Jack has two options. Say "fuck this shit, I'm out" and look for a different solution that might not even exist... or hold out for the sure-fire way in, even if it means spending six months pushing around a mop while toeing the company line. What’s it gonna be, Jack??

DJ

Going off the beaten track for this one, because I didn't want to do the obvious option of 'rich guy's hobby/vanity side gig'.

My take is, we're back on Tantalus and in Jack's (John's?) youth. It's a place full of poverty and violence, but also a colorful night life. Of course, many night clubs are fronts for drug and arms (and worse) trade. Getting in with the clubs is a solid strategy for a young guy with his head on his shoulders.

Jack tries to do different jobs that take him all over, to see the backstage stuff as much as possible. (He even has a brief stint as an unlikely bouncer: no-one expected the scrawny 20yo to throw some real good punches.)

His first DJ experience happens when he's a stage hand / gofer at a club, and the actual DJ goes off to screw someone, telling Jack to take over for half an hour. The music is cued up, just look like you're having fun, he's told. This is the first taste he gets of the kind of power he didn't think he wanted. Because the power that comes with money and access and control is one thing (and make no mistake, he wants that). But the power to stand in front of a room full of people and command their mood? To be cheered? To get them to chant your name, even? That hits something really, really deep inside young Jack. He knows that day that however he gets to the top, he won't just be the man behind the curtain. He will be the one whose name the crowd is chanting.

From there on, Jack's goal is clear. Not only is he going to get power and money and his slice of all the shady business, but he's also going to be a goddamn ✨celebrity✨ while at it. For bonus points, add a scar earned in a gang war ten years later and make Handsome Jack his crime name *and* stage name.

Florist

Setting: semi-historical or steampunk flavored Victorian. There is a war on, but it's pretty far away or a relatively cold one. So no immediate danger on the home front, but spycraft is in high demand. Jack is an era-appropriate Bond type who gets saddled with an assignment to...

"Make bouquets? Is this a joke?"

No, it's not. The flower shop Jack would be operating out of is a hub receiving intel from multiple covert informants. It will be Jack's job to pick out what's important, and pass it to the right people, encoded via flower bouquets. Sending messages via different flowers are already a thing in this society, as they were in our world's Victorian era, but obviously, the spy organization obviously has its own code book, so no harm done if a bouquet falls into the wrong hands.

"Except I'd have to bloody make it again, so, actually, plenty of harm done."

In order to maintain the cover, the flower shop also has to do legitimate business, so Jack gets to make plenty of "civilian" bouquets as well, and be all polite and gentlemanly with the customers.

There's only one silver lining to this dismal assignment. The assistant assigned to help Jack with sorting and aggregating the intel is pretty darn cute.

Marine Biologist

(Short write-up, but this is one of my personal faves!)

Canon-adjacent BL settings, but instead of Pandora, Jack is drawn to Aquator in his vault-hunting pursuits, searching for a vault rumored to be at the bottom of the ocean. Helios is a city-sized submarine!

For bonus points, add a Rhack plot featuring mercreature!Rhys, who has knowledge of the vault, but is reluctant to reveal its location, and whose trust Jack is desperately trying to win.

In a Preschool

Modern-day, Passable Dad AU. It's career day at Angel's school. Jack didn't want to come, what with being a currently unemployed head of a recently-failed startup. But he can't say no to Angel, so... sigh, here we go.

Jack is the last one to talk, his hope being that maybe they’ll run out of time and he won’t have to. Alas, his slot comes up. A few minutes in, the teacher gets an urgent phone call and steps out (don’t come after me about child safety protocols in this AU, okay :p).

Then the period is technically over, and the teacher isn’t back (guess the phone call was urgent enough to make them run out without telling people; they’re so fired). Other parents have left at some point during the period, because they have jobs / better things to do. Jack tries to send Angel to go find an adult, but she declares they’re not allowed to leave the classroom on their own (because she’s an ass). But, she continues, they can’t be left on their own, either (like I said, an ass).

So, Jack is stuck with a bunch of preschoolers for an hour. Once he runs out of failed startup stories, he just starts rubber-ducking new business ideas off of them. It’s surprisingly effective: kids are really good at poking holes in what seem like reasonable plans to adults.

And this is how, once a teacher finally comes to see what’s going on, Mr. Lawrence is offered a job as a substitute teacher at his daughter’s preschool. He will get fired once he deals with a bully by holding the offender up by the ankle until a believable apology is delivered.

Pediatric Nurse

(the prompt giver was very specific that it should be nurse, not doctor)

Setting: Tantalus, Jack is a single dad and dirt-poor. Angel is hospitalized with something that requires long-term inpatient care, and Jack literally doesn't have the money to pay for her treatment and rent, so he loses the apartment and starts low-key living at the hospital.

He's getting away with it pretty well. Angel shares a room with a few more kids, whose parents catch on pretty quickly, but don't mind that an extra parent is hanging around, because the hospital is permanently understaffed, and the kids like having company. (He gets more than an occasional meal from other kids' parents, too.)

When Jack's not doing gig work on his laptop, he's reading up everything about Angel's condition as well as all-purpose medical care so he can take care of her when she's finally allowed to leave the hospital. He's a fast learner, and soon ends up helping out the permanently overworked nurses with basic stuff like changing dressings, giving an extra hand with whatever, and even fixing up some medical equipment when something outdated inevitably breaks. It's not long before the kids in Angel's room (and the adjacent rooms) start calling him Nurse Jack.

The only one who's not thrilled about Jack's permanent presence on the ward is a young (and very attractive) doctor who's being a real stick in the mud about 'non-medical personnel outside of visiting hours'. The fact that, thanks to Jack's liberal use of nicknames, the kids start calling him Dr. Cupcake doesn't win Jack much love, either. Things between them getting more tense by the day, and Jack is this close to getting banned from the hospital outside of strict visiting hours.

That is, until one day, some Tantalus bandits barge in, demand that the whole floor is cleared so that their boss can get medical attention, and even take some medical personnel (including Dr. Cupcake) hostage to make their point. Little did they know that one of their hostages is: a) not a licensed medical professional, but b) real handy with a gun.

[thirst2]

I was going to reblog some further news I’d seen a few days ago regarding yet another anti-Trans bill being passed but I can’t find it; probably for the best: I don’t think anyone I follow is unaware or is remotely unsympathetic to what’s going on, right now.

But one of the thoughts that’s kept running through my head (other than the utter…disappointment I’ve been feeling for our own community turning on our own) is that, just a decade or two ago, we wouldn’t have been so defensive as it’s seemed we’ve been, thus far.

Maybe that’s a bit of a simplification; it took many years to get to that point (probably, at least, 3 decades) and we didn’t have to do it with the specter of full-blown fascism possibly arising in the process.

But I remember, in the late 90s (I think) and the 2000s, us outting closetted Republicans who passed anti-Queer legislation (https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2014/06/mike-rogers-outed-gay-republicans-108368/ is from 2014 but it covers some of what went on).

And – again, granted – that was a controversial decision within the community then, as well (even though it was as restrained as could be: the individual had to be actively foisting or helping pass anti-Queer legislation, etc.; if they were voting Republican but weren’t facilitating our destruction directly, they weren’t outted; but, again, I think the cravenness of today’s Republicans calls for more proactive measures).

It’s not like they’re acting smartly; they’re sloppy and the success of this trajectory is tenacious, at best.

We should be fucking burying them; Madison Cawthorn is example enough of how easy that should be.

Sure, I doubt many of them have done many of the social-conservative–transgressions that Cawthorn had but it’s not like they’re being any less hypocritical than when “Family Values” was their main cry.

We should be tarring them with every unsavory legal fight they have going on at any given moment; we should be (surreptitiously) invading their radio networks and pumping every “news” source they use with every passing rumor and image, the stuff we wouldn’t even begin to roll our eyes at but they rely on denouncing to keep up the charade of their political “platform”.

We should be keeping them in a state of disarray even further than they, already, naturally inflict upon themselves if for no other damn reason than they went after our own. I think it should be exactly the same tit-for-tat that outting was 2 decades ago – want to sponsor or cheer on a bill that bans hormone therapy? We make sure every OAN and Newsmax and smaller organization know about every story that ever made it to the light of day that would cut down any notion that you are what you say you are.

Ruin them; make them fucking terrified that, should they even start to talk about sticking their grubby hands into Trans issues, they can expect their past to get poured over and their currency amongst their base stamped the fuck out.

I know I don’t remotely have the spoons to begin figuring out where to start with something like this but, c’mon, it’s so obvious that the ground they stand on is shifting sand; they need a wedge issue to scapegoat because they have no idea how to govern or excite people; their base is getting smaller each year and they barely know how to keep captive their current one; and the majority of people just don’t care (which, admittedly, is a problem on its own) about whatever the Hell they’re blabberring on about.

And it was us who did it, 2 decades ago; not any kind of formal institution. Granted, it was in part because we were able to know who these people were because they wanted to have sex with us and then go write up bills that hunted us down; we don’t have that, right now.

But I don’t see us fighting back, in the same way; obviously, there’s groups working to get resources to those who need it (as usual) but that’s defensive, not offensive.

I feel like I definitely have more Queer friends and people around me, now, than I did in high school and I can still just be totally out of the loop but I don’t feel the same level of (informal) leadership we had back then. We have people out there providing insight and education (which is important!) but we don’t have…teeth.

I dunno; this is mostly just a train of thought, if anything; I wish I had something more substantial; but we need to do something different, soon.

[frogs-in3-hills]

dgs case 2 thoughts babeyyy. oops it's long this time

sooo no trial this case!! very interesting!! personally it felt like things got a little boring quite often, maybe because there were so few areas to explore? and i think the pacing was, much like the first case, a little sluggish at times. however i still think it felt wayy better than the aai games, which also had no trials. i would love to have seen a version of aai more like this case, with "argument" portions removed and the logic system more similar to the dance of deduction. overall i am really glad they let the story do what it needed to do instead of trying to squeeze a trial in there, it would have felt really forced considering the setting

i am sooooo obsessed with the dance of deduction by the way,, i think out of all the unique investigative functions throughout the series (magatama, perceive, mood matrix, etc) this might be my favorite. the conceit of it is so creative with ryuunosuke having to course correct using his observation skills, and it actually makes me appreciate sholmes' presence a lot more since it offers a lovely bit of insight into his character: you can kind of see where he's going with everything, but it's his vivid imagination, not stupidity, that leads him to get details wrong-- and those details cause his deductions to spiral out of control and miss the mark. he's so creative, but he doesn't even stop to think that the world might not operate with that same level of creativity. i just think that is so charming wtf. and while it does seem a little too easy i imagine it will get more difficult later, and mechanically i think the visuals really spice things up and i love seeing them take full advantage of the 3d models. i think its a really excellently designed system

speaking of taking advantage of 3d models can i just say i love how the settings are built and how the characters take up that space??? because i looovve the way it creates a more dynamic space and feels more like the characters exist in their environment, while still keeping true to the visual novel style. all that is to say i'm so impressed by the actual game design here and i'm really excited to continue playing through it

anyways i guess i should like. talk about the plot. i guess. hi this case was like super fucked up, but like, in a very unique way?? genuinely, the conclusion to this case felt more like a danganronpa trial than it did an ace attorney case. and the fact that this random 15 yo kid accidentally killed this guy for NO reason?? that's heartbreaking dude, it makes me wonder a lot about what asougi's true goal was and how it relates to the concept of revenge and closure. bc what dgs is telling us with this case is that the truth isn't necessarily all that rewarding, right? knowing who killed asougi doesn't make me or ryuunosuke or susato feel better, and knowing he wasn't planning to reveal pavlova's identity makes her feel worse. even before that, learning that he literally just broke his neck due to an unlucky fall only invites this keen sense of unfairness. there's no closure or revenge or schadenfreude, just a little girl who made a really horrible, but ultimately sympathetic mistake.

i said last post that i felt asougi might be one of those seeking revenge types, or something like that, what with his connection to family honor as well as his obvious ambition. so i can't help but wonder if, when we finally figure out what it was that asougi needed to do in london, ryuunosuke has to face a choice: is he really going to continue his friend's legacy? after all, he's the one holding the sword now, which isn't just symbolic of a man's soul or his honor or whatever, it's a weapon. why did asougi really want to bring something like that so badly?

anyways aaaaaug susato. shes great i love her. no crazy thoughts abt her yet but i love her

anyways i think thats about all i wanted to say there, i liked this case a lot and i'm really excited to keep playing ^_^ semester doesn't start back up for a few more weeks so i'll probably have plenty of time to do so

[didwho]

Hello! You mentioned looking for more info about labels and stuff, so, if you're interested, here are a few things we've personally learned from several years as a "Origins Are Weird And Confusing" system who has been in therapy for A While at this point, in case they're useful to you: - you deserve whatever support you need, regardless of origin or dx or anything else. Therapy, friends who listen to you and support you, academic or workplace accommodations, the right to be unhappy and having a shitty time--you don't have to prove anything to be allowed to want/have those things. - trauma is a subjective experience about how your brain processed something difficult--not about whether the events were 'objectively bad enough to count', because there is no externally defined threshold. (There are certain types of negative experiences that are statistically very likely to be traumatic to the average person, but that absolutely does not mean that only those types of experiences "count".) - if you are experiencing lasting negative impacts from something that happened to you, 1) there is nothing you need to prove in order to be 'allowed' to get support for it; 2) anyone telling you that it wasn't bad enough to affect you is wrong. (This is true even in contexts completely unrelated to syscourse, btw!) - DID in specific is predominantly associated with chronic trauma/adverse experiences during childhood. However, if you have struggles with mental health issues and feel like a system, your options are not just either "100% Definitely DID" or "You're Making It All Up". Whether the label that happens to fit you and your experiences best is DID or any other label (OSDD, MaDD, PTSD + system, "stuff is shitty rn" + system, "who even knows", etc.) is between yourselves and the people on your support team--it's not the business of internet discourse randos trying to tell you whether or not you're valid. (Besides, figuring out what labels fit you best often isn't actually easy or obvious right away, for any number of reasons--including the fact that sketchy and/or 'muted' memories of awful experiences is a big part of many CDDs--and that's okay. Really. You get to figure stuff out at your own pace.) - you are allowed to use/benefit from CDD management strategies and ways of thinking whether or not you have one. (People without ADHD can use bullet journals. DBT isn't just for people with BPD. Etc. If it helps you, the important part is that it helps you.) - don't let the haters get you down. (There are folks out there in syscourse with complex and nuanced opinions, legitimate critiques of communities, etc.! And also, there are sometimes people who just want to be 'allowed' to feel hateful towards someone, aren't in good faith, and aren't interested in listening. What those people think of you or say about you Does. Not. Matter. They are howling at the moon.)

Good luck out there <3

thank you so so so so so much for the kind words!! i preach all of the same things yet sometimes its hard to believe it for yourself, so i genuinely really appreciate the reassurance.

i am looking for a label as of currently because i dont really know whats what, yknow?? its hard for someone like me because despite preaching all of those things, i struggle to understand what defines trauma!

a lot of my headmates tend to agree we do have trauma, but those who dont tend to feel very strongly about not, so it kinda pushes that positivity away!

it really sucks to be both your own supporter and your own enemy at the same time (not calling my headmates enemies its just the best way i can describe it)!

the vents i post are usually when im feeling fired up or upset over things, and again, for that post/ rant i had earlier i spread misinfo, which i feel HORRIBLE about, but i will keep the post up because someone else made a point on it and had the patience to help educate me!

i am still learning and alla that, its hard to navigate this community because theres so many terms, and due to general amnesia, whether it be the fact im a system or due to my ADHD, its hard to get a grasp on all of those!

anyways, sorry for the ramble and thank you so much for the kind words! i hope you have an amazing day ❤️

[parcequecestnotreprojeeeet]

Hi. It’s me, Fanfic Anon #2. I’m back with part two of my series, Laurence (I went in age order, ha ha). Laurence’s is based on reporting I saw about their response to her divorce. I’m unsure how true that report is, but I honestly haven’t seen that much else about her. Of all three, she’s the one I had the hardest time with, because of that and because I’m unsure what a relationship would look like given they’re the same age and were peers in school for so long. They’re obviously close (she shows up at all the major events, she clearly spends a lot of time on vacation with them), but beyond that? So like Sebastian, I went for a more friend-ish relationship than a strictly parental one, even if he clearly loves them like one (every time he says “nos enfants” my heart grows two sizes). Hopefully you all enjoy it.

For context, according to the report she spent a week with Brigitte in Touquet and Emmanuel cleared his schedule as much as he could to spend the weekend with her. (PS as a disclaimer: I’m sure her ex is a lovely guy - I just figure Emmanuel and Brigitte are incredibly protective of their kids no matter what, so no hate towards him was meant by this piece.)

II. Laurence

"Where is she?" he asked his wife the second he ran in the door of their house in Touquet. He hated that he couldn’t get there sooner, couldn’t get there the second she had called them in tears as the world had felt like it was ending. He hates more that he has to leave tomorrow, a short weekend the most he could clear from his schedule. He was desperate to make this time count as much as he could.

"She’s on the couch right now in the living room," Brigitte replied sneaking a quick kiss, needing to ground herself in him after the last few days she’s spent providing moral and emotional support, the process bringing up some of the trauma from her own divorce she had worked hard to put behind her while her heart broke at the sight of her daughter in obvious pain.

"How are you doing?" he asked, realizing from the way she was acting that while she has been putting on a strong front for her daughter, it was a front.

"I won’t lie and say it’s been easy for me. It is splitting me in two watching her like this. All I want to do is protect her, to make sure nothing and no one hurts her. It’s what I’ve done my whole life and then this asshole, who promised to love her and cherish her and take care of her for their rest of their lives does this? And there’s nothing I can do to protect her? That hurts far more than anything else this is bringing up. Besides during my divorce, at least I had you -"

"She has us. She’s not alone."

At Brigitte’s nod, he snuck another quick kiss before rushing into the living room, his heart breaking at the sight of this strong, intelligent, kind hearted woman so hurt.

"Men are the worst," he opened with a joke, hoping to bring a smile to her face, rejoicing at the light, surprised chuckle he got from her.

"Not all men," Laurence replied, moving to make room for him next to her on the couch.

"You’re right. Your brother’s not bad."

"And my kids! And my nephews!"

"Of course, although, I said men. They’re still boys," he allowed, sitting next to her and holding his arms out to hug her.

"I’ll keep that in mind," she replied as she settled her head on his shoulder.

"My brothers aren’t horrible, I guess, although, jury’s out on your Uncles."

"Still holding grudges?"

"You hurt one of my girls, and I never forget that," he told her very seriously, so she knew and could appreciate the full weight of what he was saying.

"You’re forgetting someone pretty important in that list there, Manu."

"Am I?"

"Yeah. You’re not the worst."

"I don’t know about that. As soon as you hung up, I threatened to send the army on him. Ask your mother. She had to talk me down off that ledge."

"Why did she do that?" she asked with another light laugh.

"I know, right? Something about ‘abuse of power,’ and ‘she wouldn’t come visit me in jail,’ and I think she may have mentioned something about how he’s ‘still the kids’ father.’”

"She’d so visit you in jail," she replied, levity starting to work its way back in, especially at the image of her mother visiting him during visiting hours, a smile finally back on her face.

"That was her weakest argument," he agrees with a smile of his own.

"I mean. She wouldn’t be happy about it, but she’d be in anytime there would be visiting hours, and probably would wait outside when she couldn’t be in there with you." She let out a deep breath she didn’t know she was holding. "Thank you. I needed that."

"Humour? I got a whole set of dad jokes lined up. Do you want a pun or corny knock-knock joke first? I read a whole book in preparation on the way over.”

She laughed, full-heartedly at that for the first time in days. "Thank you for cheering me up, for supporting me, for always being here when I need you."

"Listen to me," he said, pulling back to she could look him in the eyes and see how much he meant it, "you are my girl. I meant what I said - no one hurts my girls and gets away with it. Not your mother, not you, not your sister, not my granddaughters. He hurt you. He will not be getting away with it. Not on my watch.

"I’m sorry I only have this short time to be here in person right now. It’s in moments like this that I wish my schedule was more my own, more normal, because if I could take the full week off and bunker down here with you and your mother, I would. But I am always one phone call or text message away, any time day or night, any country or time zone. Because I am here for you, always."

She smiled as she saw her mother enter the room, clearly feeling like she needed to join them. "Come on, maman," Laurence waved her over.

Brigitte settled on the other side of Laurence from her husband, making sure she was cocooned in their love. "We love you," Brigitte snuck a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you two, too."

Hellooooo fanfic Anon #2! ❤️

Oh my heart! No but seriously, If I thought it couldn’t get better and sweater than Sebastian’s story, you just completely proved me wrong. In all ways! 👏🏻

Even through the difficulty that it is to write stories about their kids, you just continue to do it and brilliantly! And I continue to repeat myself but I can’t get tired of saying it... love how hard you work on trying to stay true to the actual characters involved! Thank you, really appreciate it!

Hahaha Emmanuel threatening to send the army on him for hurting his girl, the conversation between Emmanuel and Laurence about Brigitte reasoning him on it and saying that her mum would visit him on jail made me laugh! But that kind of laugh with a very warm feeling in the heart 🤧🥰🥰

This means, there’s only one story of the kids left ☹️ hahaha I wanted more because it’s just so beautiful!

Thank you so much! ❤️❤️❤️

[pacifymebby]

Happy new year Layla:) Do you have any tips for self care? I've started this year feeling real low x

Happy new year to you too lovely, I'm sorry to hear you've started the year on such a low!! I feel like this time of year is always a sucker for that because you're surrounded by everyone making goals and "starting fresh" or like "clean" and there's a lot of pressure on everyone to be making good healthy changes for self improvement or to be happy and stuff. When actually like, this is the worst time of year to be making those kinds of changes, like its cold and dark all the time and u know, sometimes u just wanna sleep and chill and be easy on yourself? idk thats how I feel anyway

but I started the year feeling pretty low too and I haven't exactly pulled myself out of it yet either (especially now im ill I really have just stayed in bed every day since the new year began)

stuff I would recommend though

try and work out if something major is causing the low feelings, if its something solid and obvious then see if there's anything small u could do to make things slightly easier (for example a thing I was very very stressed about was my credit card bill and yesterday I paid it off so that it was one less thing to worry about) (another is my gas/electric bill and in a minute when im done typing this ill go and actually take my meter readings and send them in, because I've been horribly worried about them) I don't mean any of those things lightly either btw, those aren't small problems for me, they're huge looming mountains of stress that really can leave me bedridden with anxiety lol

if the problems more abstract or u can't really figure out what's making u feel shit then u know, maybe you are just tired? I find the end of the year very overwhelming, what with he highs of Christmas and new year, the social interaction the constant positivity and stuff, its exhausting and u may well just be very very worn out. so like, let urself acknowledge that u don't feel great, you're having a rough wee time of it lately and that u need a little time to chill out and reset.

my old recs used to be like, take a nice hot bath or something but now im like, cost of living crisis who can even afford a bath anymore amirite so

cook yourself ur favourite meal or treat yourself by going out for breakfast or lunch or something, I find it easier to go out for lunch or for a coffee on my own than I would out for dinner iygwim

reread a book you love

go for a little walk, just something small to get yourself out of the house, try and walk somewhere like a park and take your headphones off so that you can hear the birds and stuff!!

like idk how to explain it but sometimes taking your headphones off and listening to the world around you, other people, traffic, bird/ animal noises is really grounding and makes u feel part of something rather than cut off and alone

that being said sometimes having a cigarette and listening to ur favourite record is also the cure for all ailments so

call a friend, not even in a reaching out kind of way, just in a now might be a good time to catch up with a pal kind of way

clean your room/ a room in ur house, make it super cosy with blankets and candles and shit, then make yourself a brew and watch ur favourite comfort movie?

wash ur face, do a face mask, or a hair mask and comb your hair.

set yourself really small tasks for the day, things you have been putting off that will maybe only take five minutes to do, when you have done each thing cross it off your little list and then when u have finished the list 1) you will feel accomplished af 2) u can reward yourself however u see fit

sometimes I put music on really loud and sing along to it whilst im doing the dishes or cleaning the house and I feel really uplifted afterwards

run urself the hot bath bestie, it doesn't cost as much as we're all worried it will

go to the cinema by yourself? this one works for me sometimes? there's something really cleansing about stepping out into broad daylight after you've been in the cinema in the morning

go wander round some charity shops

sometimes u really do just need a few hours curled up under a blanket with a hot drink or a snack.

Also

if you're feeling low in a similar way to me (ed stuff idk) something im trying really hard to do is stay away from shit like Pinterest/ THAT side of Tumblr/ twitter. I'm trying to take each meal as it comes, reminding myself that u gotta eat when ur hungry (I have given myself so many little repeats of lectures b has given me in the past about eating lol)

I'm like, planning an activity for whilst I eat, like, I'll make porridge for breakfast then watch a shitty anime or cartoons the way I would have done when I was a kid. Or I'll make dinner and watch a movie with it. Something thats enough of a pleasant distraction.

Also I'm getting a lot of nutrition through soups and stuff, because they have always been easier for me to eat. Like not pushing myself too far or putting pressure on myself to be the perfect recoveree but also making sure I look after myself.

If thats not the kind of low you're feeling then just ignore all that, but I thought id leave it in just in case because I know a lot of my mutuals do get the same way I do sometimes.

The main thing is to remember to be forgiving of yourself. This isn't a forever feeling and eventually the depression will pass. Listen to All Things Must Pass by George Harrisson and know its the most truthful song in the world. this time of year is always tough but be gentle with yourself and know I am always here if u need to vent or want to talk!!!!! sending you love and good vibes bestie <3 xsxx

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary200

4/2-3/2024

tuesday - wednesday

labor rights violated today......could not take my break... wtf i thought my bosses #were #my #friends.

anyway, i finished my drawing thingy. i finished the actual drawing part and couldn't figure out what to write over it. but i came on something. against my better judgment, i'll post it. it is probably overtly sexual but it's a constant thing in any kind of art i make...so... whatever.

i don't know what to say, other than i think all the points of reference are rather obvious, but i guess one thing i'm especially interested in right now is deformity as handled by hans bellmer, where it's more like deformity by capturing movement, the erotic gestures as mutant, that kind of idea. but i've always tried that, i've always been in his debt, so idk, it's just about needing to feel cute ultimately, i suppose.

i also drew tonight, to keep up with my every other day practice thing.

i like some of the ideas in it/ ways i drew faces. i think referencing photos is really useful for constructing heads better, it helps remind me of things like,, idk. it just helps me know what a human head is like. it's easy to forget that i suppose.

anyway, today i also did a song, so that makes 2 more for the mixing process, and thennn,,,,, more vocals.

and that's not too much... so we're getting #close.

with the tablet i stole from my gf, i'm definitely thinking about re-tracing the bugs, in other resolutions too, just cuz...idk, i know what's gonna upscale better now at least. so yeah, there's that on my mind, for the cover art.

anyway i gotta work out nowww.

worked out... fun.

i listened to the new cindy lee album in full today finally, really great stuff, the exact kind of music i like hearing, or like, one kind of thing i love to hear. i love a lot, so i really wanna hear a lot all the time.

but i digress, i love diamond jubilee, it might be a big deal this year, for me at least. no bad songs on it, a lovely way to spend 2 hours.

here's another bit of music i'm obsessed with, this song.

i love that it's got a cute garage rock vibe but it's still kind of got the white-belty thing going on w/ the paper thin guitars, or like, how white belt took the 60s affectations, this kind of bumps that up, the keyboards are so beautiful to me, i love those synths, it's just a perfect song to me.

apparently the lead guy of the intelligence was in this band:

reminds me of numbers a bit. fun stuff. i love the freakout section in this song with those way bleepy synths.

anyway i need to sleep now, we have to do errands tomorrow, so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!