#nina 'hes the love of my life' zenik is going to be the death of me

[rat---king]

Finished episode one and both Nina and Inej continue to not only the best but also my beloveds

[lookwhatyoumademedohaha]

And that kids is, how I met your mother   Chapter 5 - Cornelia Street

We were in the backseat Drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar "I rent a place on Cornelia Street" I say casually in the car We were a fresh page on the desk Filling in the blanks as we go As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead Leading us home

And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends I'd never walk Cornelia Street again That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away I'd never walk Cornelia Street again I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

Summary: While you are beginning again in Ravka, Kaz Brekker contemplates and reminisces about how you were the one who quietly made a home in his cold heart and is addicted to the terrible ache in his heart that he feels keenly at your absence in his life. 

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x Reader, Nikolai Lantsov x Six of Crows Reader, Kaz Brekker x Reader, Zoya Nazyalensky x Reader (Platonic), Nina Zenik x Reader (Platonic), Genya Safin x Reader (Platonic), Six of Crows x Reader (Platonic). 

Warnings: Pure sweet fluff, humor, lots of angst, unrequited love that might be requited, denial, pining, mentions of death and violence, Dregs being legends, Kaz Brekker being an absolute emotionally constipated asshole in denial.

A/N: Hi everyone! I’m very grateful for your kindness, love and support that encourages me to keep going! I apologize for the delay but here is the long awaited Chapter 5 to this work, you have all been waiting for patiently so thank you for your patience and understanding! I’ve written this chapter from Kaz’ POV explaining his feelings and thoughts because I’ve been wanting to do it for a long time and it was a challenge but I finally did it! 

I hope you all like it and I’m excited! Let me know your thoughts and comments on my work because I really struggled through writer’s block on this one.

I love you all! Happy reading!

Chapter 1 - Until I Found Her

Chapter 2 - Labyrinth

Chapter 3 - Call it what you want

Chapter 4 -  Someone to Stay

Ketterdam was dark and dismal full of hidden secrets and monsters in the shadows. The city was built on blood and secrets and no one knew that better than the man who now ruled it, Kaz Brekker. 

As Kaz Brekker strode through the crowded streets of Ketterdam filled with gullible pigeons and hungry monsters, he felt empty and alone. It was a feeling now he knew all too well though he tried to ignore it. The feeling ached and hurt him in places he didn’t know he had for the last few weeks. Kaz felt terrible these days, his mood completely sour and ill - tempered than usual frightening the Dregs, hurting his enemies and concerning his friends. Kaz couldn’t sleep the last few weeks as he tossed and turned restlessly in his empty and cold bed and in the rare moments he sunk into a fitful slumber, he was dreamt of you and woke up with sweat running down his forehead and gasps. 

In the moments of sleep, he dreamt of you. The dreams always started the same way... there you were smiling at him as he reached for you, as he pressed a hungry kiss onto your sweet lips devouring you eagerly as both of you indulged in happiness and love that was only yours. But it would all fall down when the thick darkness began to envelope their surroundings and though they tried to escape it, you both would be caught in it, trapped within a dark and deserted place where nothing grew. Kaz remembered feeling your hand brush against his in the darkness. It wouldn’t make sense but suddenly the darkness would thin out slightly and they were both alone in a ship that had been wrecked as a storm poured down on them. In his dream, Kaz and you were trying to find a way out of the ship wreck but out of the blue, a shadowy figure shoots at Kaz but the bullet never reaches Kaz. Kaz wonders why he is unharmed as he realizes that in the cold of the stormy night, you had wrapped yourself around him and taken the bullet for him. Kaz watches you bleed as the life drained away from your eyes and the storm drowns you and he loses you. 

He hates this feeling of helplessness and fear he feels when he wakes up and realizes it isn’t real, it was just a nightmare but it hurts more when it hits him that you aren’t around to quiet his fears with the gentleness in your eyes and the touch of your hand. 

Since you left Ketterdam, the days dragged on and time seemed to pass by completely slowly infuriating Kaz who was haunted by you and took out his anger on everyone else. Everyone in Ketterdam feared him more than ever, and the Crows were praying for your swift return. 

Kaz remembered the first time he had seen you. It was a moment he would never forget. 

The cold season was oncoming and the Crows had heard of stories of the number of children increased in Ketterdam who were shivering in the cold, starving and had no shelter. As they made their way to the Slat that provided them warmth as they talked and laughed, Jesper’s eyes had landed on a girl dressed in a shabby and raggedy dress standing on the dirty and wet street with baskets in her arms as she stared at him hungrily. 

Jesper was used to people staring at him. Everyone stared at him in admiration, fear, awe and lust and Jesper loved it. But Jesper had never felt anyone stare at him hungrily with a wistful look. It made him feel sad as he met your hungry and starved eyes that stared at him greedily and thought that you were one of those poor beggar children who had nothing to eat and no one to go to. It never occurred to him that you had been staring at him hungrily because you were greedy and starving for the warm and happy life he led with his friends, the laughter and mischievousness that glittered in his kind eyes and that you just wanted to go back to the better days where you had your brother by your side, and everything was just perfect and unspoiled. Jesper only saw your ragged clothes, hungry eyes, skinny figure that shivered in the cold. 

And that’s why Jesper thrust his hand into his pocket and took the money he had been meaning to gamble and took off his coat as well as he walked toward you with kindness “Here you go, dear. Take this money and my coat. It’ll keep you warm.”

You had been startled and alarmed as you realized the boy with a warm and sunny disposition you had been staring at had mistaken you for a beggar girl and you realized you looked like one of the shabby and skinny poor children, the ones you had always been generous to back at home. The realization hit you like a hurricane with humiliation as you grew red and then deathly white in embarrassment as you thought of how far you had fallen down from grace. 

And that’s why you broke into a laugh because you were close to crying as you exclaimed your heart touched at the boy’s kindness because all your time spent in Ketterdam, kindness had been very rare to you “Oh no! Oh no, thank you! I must refuse!”

The Crows who had been watching the scene unfold, waiting for Jesper patiently looked in intrigue and interest at you. Kaz raised his head to truly look at you because it was your voice that had interested all of them especially him as he took a few steps forward to listen to you. You did not speak in a manner of an ordinary street child but your manners belonged to a girl who was well bred and raised in a good household. A manner of a princess, mused Kaz as he looked at you intently. 

But Jesper was not to be moved away as he placed his coat over you and put the money in the palm of your hand with kindness etched on his face “You mustn’t refuse! Don’t worry, I have plenty of coats and trust me, this one will keep you really warm. And you must use this money to buy food. If there’s anything you need from me, just ask for Jesper at the Crow Club.”

You saw something so kind and generous in his face that you knew to refuse would break his heart and you didn’t want to disappoint him. So you tightened the very warm coat around you and gratefully accepted the kruge from Jesper who grinned happily though your pride felt stung and your cheeks burned bitterly. You had known that you looked weary and shabby but until now you didn’t know you looked like a beggar girl. 

His grin reminded you so much of your brother and his kindness was such a beautiful thing that you choked on a sob of humiliation and pain, reminiscence and happiness as you flung your arms around him “Thank you! Thank you so much! You are such a kind, sweet and generous darling boy!”

And with those words, you let go of Jesper who smiled happily and you left feeling warm. Kaz’ eyes widened at your response as Jesper skipped back towards them with a happy grin and Kaz reprimanded Jesper “Jesper! Why did you do that? That girl is not a beggar! She didn’t speak like a beggar or look like a beggar!”

“And she didn’t beg. I thought she would be angry with you. Sometimes, it makes people angry to be taken for beggars when they are not.” said Inej who felt sympathetic for you but she agreed with Kaz because there had been something very different about her. 

“She wasn’t angry.” replied Jesper dismayed at his friends reactions but firm in what he had done and happy because he had made a difference in your life as he smiled widely “She was very happy. She laughed and hugged me and said I was a kind, sweet and generous darling boy! And I was!”

Kaz and Inej exchanged thoughtful glances as Kaz felt mystified by you and said “An ordinary beggar girl would have never said that. They would have just accepted the money and thanked you quickly or even respectfully bobbed a curtesy.”

From that moment on, Kaz Brekker was profoundly interested in you. Not just Kaz Brekker but the Crows and nearly all of the Dregs. You knew nothing of this new interest in you and never appeared at the Crow Club seeking Jesper Fahey but whenever you passed the Slat in your broken shoes and worn out clothes, your hair tucked with a ribbon, faces would appear at the window to take a good look at you, many discussions concerning you were held and you were nicknamed at the girl who is not a beggar. It was hilarious when the Dregs said it in a hurry. 

Inej who had followed you and found information about you, told Kaz and Jesper about you “She is alone in Ketterdam. She doesn’t have anybody - she’s an orphan. She’s kind of a servant at the Van Eck mansion. She runs errands, carries parcels and does anything they tell her to.”

Inej’s anger was evident as she spoke fiercely, her hands clenched “They work her to the bone - sending her on long and tiresome errands without any proper clothing. And they punish her, hit her and deprive her of food and starve her and she doesn’t even have a proper place to sleep.”

Jesper looked like he was one second away from marching to the Van Eck mansion and getting you out of there but Inej wasn’t done as she continued “But she’s really strong. She’s friends with a crow that comes to her window and a rat in her room that she tamed.”

Jesper started laughing in amusement and wonder as his eyes gleamed in fondness “Oh! She’s odd that one but I believe I am beginning to like her!”

Kaz hid the little smile that threatened to burst at the thought of you taming and being friends with animals as he listened to Inej “And as for people who are nice to her... the Van Eck boy and her are friends. He’s the only one who is nice to her in that house.”

“What? You mean, Van Eck’s son is friends with the girl who isn’t a beggar?” asked Jesper in interest and intrigue as he snorted in amusement while Kaz sat up in interest “What? Does his daddy know?”

“No. The visits are secret and very rare. The Van Eck boy comes to her room at night whenever it’s safe, with food and books. And she reads to him and tells him stories and they talk and pretend that the attic she lives in is somewhere nicer. But she’s not a beggar.”

Kaz listened to this in rapt attention as he thought of you braving your unbearable life with a vivid imagination and determination. Perhaps that’s when Kaz had begun to like her unbeknownst to him.

The next time Kaz saw you was when he was on his way to the Slat after a negotiation and he spotted your dark mane of hair tied with a narrow ribbon as you slipped through the crowd and something in him ignited fiercely as he followed you quietly in interest. This day was a wretched one. His leg ached bitterly but he followed you nevertheless as he observed you were dressed in a dark blue dress that had grown shabbier and worn out, your shoes were downtrodden and wet with water that filled it, the coat around your shoulders was Jesper’s, your face pinched and starved and cold with blue and your heavy thick mane of dark hair was tied in a narrow ribbon. 

That day was wretchedly freezing and dreary, the street wet and sloppy and Kaz observed how the wind tried to drag the coat Jesper had given you as you waded through the mud, the water filling your broken shoes. Although Kaz knew of your position in the Van Eck household, he truly did not know the extent to which the ill tempered and depressed staff treated you as a slave driving you on errands on the worst days. Kaz didn’t know that today of all days, you were trying to keep away the thoughts of your ravenous hunger by thinking of more pleasant and lovelier thoughts of being in dry and beautiful clothes, eating the most delicious food in the company of those whom you loved the best. He did not know for you, your imagination and making up stories and pretending was your way of coping and being strong in the hell of this city. 

Kaz observed you stop at a bakery as you stared hungrily at the pastries, buns and cakes on display when your attention seemed to shift to a little beggar boy with untamable wild curly hair, a pale face with big hungry eyes and dirty clothes as he wrapped himself with rags to keep warm from the freezing cold. The boy was younger than Kaz himself and Kaz observed you talk softly and kindly to the boy for a few moments, your lips nearly blue from the cold. Kaz waited in the shadows as he saw you finish the conversation with the little hungry boy and look at him with an odd look in your eyes. 

Kaz watched keenly as you entered the bakery where you were greeted by a friendly and kind boy with unruly brown hair and watched you point for three waffles. The nice and warm ones that had just been made. Kaz quietly watched the baker boy throw in five waffles in the bag for you and you seemed to point his mistake to Kaz’ surprise. Kaz wondered why you wouldn’t just take it and leave when you were so hungry. But the baker boy just smiled kindly and gave the bag to you as you stumbled out of the bakery and look at the little boy who seemed to be crying in suffering and starvation. 

Kaz urged you to leave. You had what you wanted, there was no time for you to think about others. 

But to his great shock, you knelt down before the boy as you gently smiled at him and handed him one waffle. The boy looked at you in amazement as if you had performed a miracle and began to eat it up wildly as if he was afraid that the waffle would vanish any time if he didn’t devour it up soon. Kaz was frozen in shock as he watched you place the rest of the waffles in the little beggar boy’s hands as you said something kind to the boy and ruffled his hair. The savage beggar boy was too hungry to give thanks as you left him to eat knowing that he was starving and the beggar boy looked up to see the vanishing figure of you at the end of the street. 

Kaz didn’t know why but he knew that you could have eaten up all five waffles without hesitation. He had seen it in your eyes. And yet, you had sacrificed it for this poor child you barely knew. As he reflected on his thoughts, curiosity got the better of him as he strode toward the boy. 

“Who gave you those waffles?”

The boy nodded toward your vanishing figure and Kaz queried curiously “What did she say to you?”

The boy looked at Kaz distrustfully but answered “Asked me if I was ‘ungry.”

“What did you say?”

“Said I had nothin to eat.”

“And then she bought the waffles and gave it to you?”

The boy nodded and although Kaz knew the answer, he had to hear it from the boy’s mouth “How many?”

“Five.”

Something in Kaz’ seemed to ignite at the answer. He had seen it was five but he couldn’t quite believe that the girl would be so stupid, self - sacrificing and kind to give the food she could have sustained herself with to a complete stranger who she didn’t know. It was absolutely an act of stupidity to Kaz and yet it moved and touched Kaz in a way it had not before. Ketterdam was a city known for cruelty and exploitation with darkness of the hearts spreading through it like a disease but this girl had proven that her heart was a ray of sunshine, the kindness and goodness in her soul was still not snatched by this city even though she faced the worst trials of adversity. 

Kaz felt himself transported to his childhood where Jordie and him were completely poor and hungry. How different would their lives have been if there had been someone like her, someone who had been willing to share and listen to their woes and someone who had been completely good and kind to them without expectations and conditions. 

Kaz thought of your hungry eyes and cold figure. He knew you had wanted those waffles. He knew that you could have eaten all of those waffles and even more but instead you chose to give it to a little boy who was hungrier and colder than you were. 

Perhaps your act of goodness stirred something in his cold heart because Kaz inquired “Are you still hungry?”

“I’m always ‘ungry. But it ain’t half that bad now.”

Kaz was inspired by your little act of goodness that was enormous in his eyes as the next few words slipped his mouth “Go to the Crow Club and tell them Kaz Brekker sent you to be looked after by Inej Ghafa. She’ll help you get yourself warm and give you something to eat.”

The little urchin got up and obeyed because he didn’t care what was happening or what happened next as long as he was given a place where warmth and food was supplied. As Kaz looked at the little urchin leaving, he realized that he had done this for your sake and he decided to follow you because now he had started to see you, he couldn’t stop. 

Kaz found himself at the Van Eck household where he saw you entering it with baskets and parcels in your hands, completely exhausted. 

Kaz hid among the bushes having a good vantage point to see everything going on as he saw Van Eck accompanied by his son, both of them dressed in warm clothing as they sat at a table full of warm food with books scattered on it as Van Eck who was in a foul temper scolded the quiet son. 

When you entered the garden, you ran into Van Eck who was already in a savage temper as he snapped “Where were you? You have been wasting time, lingering out and about for hours.”

Kaz noticed how tired you looked but you still managed to reply faintly and politely “It was wet and muddy. It was hard to walk because my shoes were so bad and slippery.”

“Do not lie. You shall go without dinner tonight.” stated Van Eck savagely while his son turned quite pale. 

“I have had nothing to eat since this week.” Kaz heard you reply in a faint and low voice and felt himself tremble in savage anger. 

“Then all the better! You shall have no breakfast, lunch or dinner tomorrow either! That will teach you how to behave like a proper servant!” 

Kaz was certain you were trembling in hunger and cold as you grew pale and on the verge of breaking down when the son spoke up softly yet boldly “Father, please! She’s just a girl. You cannot starve -”

Van Eck slapped his son so hard that the boy nearly stumbled back and you gasped in horror and fear while Kaz watched in curiosity “You will speak when you are spoken to! Have you no pride? She is not a girl, she is a servant and she will be treated as so! Truly, Wylan, you disappoint me with that soft heart of yours. Go to your room and think about yourself. Have you never thought of what I think of you and try to become someone that I can be proud of?”

Wylan’s eyes were misty but it was your face that caught Van Eck’s attention. It had caught Kaz’ attention too for your face was serious and solemn, quiet and sad as you fixed your eyes on Van Eck who glared at you fiercely. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Kaz’ eyes were on you as you stood steadfast and fearless in front of Van Eck as you answered quietly “I was thinking.”

By the expression on Van Eck’s face, Kaz realized that he had dealt with situations like this with you before as he demanded “Thinking of what? Beg my pardon for thinking.”

“I shall not beg your pardon for thinking.” you replied honestly as Kaz’ looked at you, your expression serious and sad as you replied quietly “I was thinking of what my father would think and do if he knew where I was today.”

Kaz’ saw Van Eck go red and then a dangerous purple as he flew at you and shook you violently, slapping your cheek and boxing your ears as you gasped in pain from the endless blows you received as Van Eck ignored Wylan’s protests as he snapped “You insolent child! How dare you be so impolite to your employer!”

There was a fire of fury that ignited in Kaz as he watched you take the blows in agony and pain as you hid back your tears. When Van Eck was finished with you, your cheeks were red and smarting and there was a slight wound from the blows you received but Kaz’ felt curious and awed as he saw your eyes were bright as stars as you let out a little amused laugh that shocked Van Eck who saw that you were not frightened by him. 

Kaz felt curiosity stir as he watched you in amazement as you laughed and then bobbed a mocking curtesy “Excuse me for laughing if it is impolite but I cannot help it when there is a clown in front of me.”

Kaz couldn’t help but grin at her daring sassiness as she ran away leaving Van Eck struggling with his rage and Wylan hiding a small smile as his eyes lingered on her vanishing figure. 

That day, as Kaz sat in his office in the Slat, he thought of your tight and pinched face, your starved and hungry eyes that held determination and thoughtfulness in them and your quiet polite manners and daring bravery. Kaz was fascinated by you from the moment he had seen you. You reminded him of a girl in his childhood. You were vastly different from this girl but yet there was something about you that reminded him of the girl back in his village Lij. 

Everyone called her the Little Empress. She was the daughter of a rich and respected man who was a businessman in Ketterdam. Her father kept her in the grand mansion and there were many stories and rumors about her and her dangerous father that Jordie used to tell Kaz to pass the time because Kaz was fascinated by the fairytale life they lived. Kaz remembers the times he did catch rare glimpses of her and believed that the name Little Empress fitted her. 

Kaz had seen her traveling in a carriage with her father as she held onto his arm. Kaz had seen her hand in hand with her father, surrounded by elegant governesses and intimidating men and women as they walked through the village commanding respect. Kaz’ eyes widened in awe and wonder every time he glimpsed her, for she looked very pretty and beautiful in her velvet dresses trimmed with furs, lace and satin dresses with puffed sleeves, lovely hats, ermine coats and muffs and tiny gloves that fitted her little hands, handkerchiefs and silk stockings that Kaz heard the villagers whisper that the little girl had a wardrobe that was much too grand for a child of seven. Kaz had learned the father was a gangster from his father but fond of his little girl and wanted his child to have everything he admired and everything he admired himself. Jordie murmured that though she had everything, the little girl was not spoiled because once Jordie had bumped into her on an errand and when she had seen Jordie cold and shivering, she had offered her silk scarf and her cloak and insisted on buying him a hot meal and food for his family as well. Kaz had never spoken to the Little Empress but all he knew of her is that she lived grandly with a gangster father who spoiled her, governesses who taught her everything she needed to know and people who protected her. 

Though Kaz barely remembers much of his life in his village, one of the memories he does remember is meeting the gangster, the father of the Little Empress who visited their farm to buy a horse for his daughter. Kaz’ father knew the gangster through casual acquaintance for both men had fondness and affection for horses and greeted the gangster excited about finding a horse for his daughter. They both walked around as Kaz’ father talked about the special qualities of each horse but the gangster was waiting for the right horse. 

Kaz and Jordie left their village after their father’s death and a week after that, they heard that the gangster’s house was burned to ashes with everyone in it and there was no possibility of any survivors. Kaz had thought of the Little Empress burning in the fire and had felt a pit of sadness grow at the thought of the gangster and the pretty Little Empress dying in the fire. Their faces were now blurry to him but he still remembered the excitement and amazement he felt every time he caught a glimpse of her. 

You were not like the Little Empress at all. You were dirty, shabby, poor and worn out. But there was something in your manner that reminded him of the Little Empress. Something bold and kind, smart and resilient that impressed Kaz who was lost in thoughts of you. 

Kaz kept an eye out for you but after a while, you stopped passing by the Slat and Crow Club with parcels and baskets in your arms. Kaz waited for you to pass by the Slat and Crow Club but as days went by, your presence did not grace them and the Dregs felt worried about the girl who was not a beggar. Kaz hid all the worry as he sent Inej to look out for you but you had disappeared from Ketterdam. Kaz felt something in him sink in dark pain when Inej bought back the news that she couldn’t find you anywhere as he realized that you had not survived the cruelty and mercilessness of Ketterdam. After your disappearance, the Van Eck boy mysteriously disappeared as well. Though Kaz, Inej and Jesper searched valiantly for you, their efforts were in vain because you were nowhere to be found and no one knew of where you were. 

After many months after your disappearance, Kaz Brekker who was working on a heist regarding taking down one of the prominent gangs that abducted young children heard stories and rumors of an infamous spy and an intelligent detective who could find anyone no matter how far they ran and how hard they tried to hide away from the rest of the world. This spy was a shadow, an enigma and a mystery that had no name but many people in Ketterdam owed their lives to this spy because this spy would take any job given to them and do it successfully with style. This was a unique spy different from the ones who dominated Ketterdam. This spy took on cases of murder, missing children, abusive households, exposing corruption and helped people with their skillset. The stories and rumors boasted of a spy who was dangerous, uncatchable, intelligent and always one step ahead of those who thought they had the spy in a trap. 

Kaz searched for this ruthless and smart spy endlessly because it was rumored they were working on the same case as him and secondly their skillset could be valuable to him. Finally, you got into a fight with one of the Dregs leaving him seriously injured. Kaz who had seen the injuries on his Dreg decided to find you once and for all as he send Inej, Jesper and Nina to inquire and found out that you occasionally hung out at a particular pub where people knew your identity but protected you. He learned that you went by name Pandora Silvertongue in the profession.   

Kaz remembered stepping into the bar that belonged to the boy with unruly hair that had been kind to you that day. The boy had now upgraded his bar to a dining and drinking pub where the patrons were drinking and eating, laughing and singing like strangled cats while the boy smiled as he poured them more drinks. 

When the boy with unruly hair saw Kaz, Inej and Jesper enter, his eyes widened in recognition and fear and Kaz announced in a steely voice that was not to be challenged “Is there anyone named Pandora Silvertongue?” 

Everyone was quiet in fear and fright as no one dared to breath and Jesper took one of his revolvers and shot it to the air startling the patrons who screamed in fear as Kaz announced once again with authority “I said is there anyone named Pandora Silvertongue?”

The private room of the bar opened up as a girl with a spring in her step, color in her cheeks stepped out calmly as her eyes glinted with understanding and fearlessness. Kaz’, Inej’ and Jesper’s  eyes widened in shock and amazement as they recognized you, the girl who was not a beggar who they had thought disappeared from Ketterdam but here you were alive and well. 

Kaz could feel his breath quicken as his eyes never left you who was dressed in a fine dark blue dress as you looked at the Crows and then at the bartender with authority that you commanded naturally “Steve, get them a drink. Everyone else go home.”

Everyone obeyed your command as they immediately stumbled out of the bar. You seated yourself at a table carelessly and elegantly without extending an invitation to the Crows to join you because you showed no signs of fearing them while Steve poured fine whisky for all of them as you had ordered. 

When Steve finished pouring the drinks, you looked at the bartender with a quiet gleam in your eyes “You go home.”

“But -”

“I said go home.” you said in a calm and quiet voice but everyone understood you shouldn’t be challenged as Steve cast a good protective and concerned look at you and scuttled to the back. 

You lit a cigarette airily and carelessly as you looked at Kaz Brekker as if he was nothing special who was still recovering from his shock and Jesper broke the silence with a grin “The girl who is not a beggar! It’s you! We were so worried about you! We thought you had died - or disappeared but you look so awesome!”

You smiled slightly but before you could reply, Kaz spoke sharply in a hard tone “So I suppose you are the infamous Pandora Silvertongue because you are looking up and down at me like you aren’t afraid of me.”

You merely smiled as you replied calmly and quietly taking a puff of your cigarette “I want to know what you want, Mr. Brekker.”

But before Kaz could say anything, Jesper jumped in “We’re so glad you are alright. We were worried about you, you know? I mean, we used to make up stories and theories about who you were. You probably don’t remember me -”

“Jesper Fahey from the Crow Club.” you said with a genuine smile as you nodded at him “I never forget anyone who has been kind to me. Thank you for being warm and kind on one of the many dark days I had.”

“Oh... it was nothing.”

“No, it was something. It was something extraordinary.” you replied with a genuinely warm and grateful smile as Jesper felt appreciated and happy. 

“I want to know what you want, Mr. Brekker.” you replied calmly and quietly as you took a puff of your cigarette. “What are you doing here?”

“Your name is Pandora Silvertongue. In the past few months, you have earned a reputation for being a dangerous spy and an intelligent detective who no one can hide anything from. You also tutor Ketterdam students. You’ve made yourself more enemies than friends. You’re in danger.” informed Kaz calmly with a deadpanned expression as he gazed at you skeptically and perceptively. 

“You’ve done your research but you are still not answering my question.” you replied in amusement as you dabbed your cigarette into the ashtray 

Kaz saw you raise your eyebrows at him and intrigue spark in your eyes as he began “A few weeks ago, someone started to capture Dregs. Not just any Dregs, female Dregs were targeted, lured into isolated areas, tortured and killed. Their eyes were gouged and hearts were ripped out and after three murders, a note was left at the fourth murder.”

You listened to Kaz who handed you the information on the murders as you looked through the papers “This is all the information we have on the killer. We’ve tried to follow and keep tabs on each Dreg but there is little progress. We need to know who the killer is so we can take him down.”

“I need to examine the bodies of the victims and visit the location of each murder to determine the behavioral patterns of the victims and murderers, preferably with one of you so I can role play and get inside their minds.” you replied thoughtfully as you flipped through each page quickly while Kaz nodded “Was the murder weapon left at the scene?”

“No. Who would be stupid enough to do that?” laughed Jesper rolling his eyes at you. 

“Killers who enjoy the thrill of the chase. To them, killing isn’t just a crime, it’s an emotional release and enjoyment.” you replied as you ran your hand through your hair, your face full of concentration and focus making you oddly attractive to Kaz “Was anything taken away from the victims when they were found?”

“Their weapons.” answered Kaz curtly 

“Well, I’ll look into everything about these girls. From their family backgrounds, traumas, how they were recruited, special skills, who they were close to and their daily routines. I also look into their autopsy reports.” you stated firmly as you closed the file and looked at an unreadable Kaz, a hopeful Inej and amazed Jesper who listened attentively to you and you were silent for a few moments as you read the note “But I can tell you this about the killer from the note.”

Kaz leaned slightly forward in interest as he waited in anticipation “Did you ever wonder why there was a note left on the fourth murder? It’s because the first three killings didn’t get the attention he wanted it to. So, to get the glory and revel in it, the killer left the note. What he doesn’t know is... he also left clues as to how to find him.”

Kaz raised his eyebrows because he couldn’t quite believe you had found clues regarding the killer so soon but he nodded at you to continue. 

“From what you told me about the killer, he is not confident enough to initiate social contact so he lures them into isolation. Look at the letters, the style of writing - not confident enough but charming enough to be trustworthy. Emotional indicators are analyzed through slants. The writer’s handwriting shows signs of emotional repression and violence. And the pressure if you look closely is excessively heavy which shows that he is uptight hiding trauma and can easily overreact with excessive violence.” you stated in one breath as you gestured to the handwriting in the letter while Kaz looked at you in hidden wonder and admiration, impressed by your intelligence. 

Jesper was the first one to find his tongue “You got all that from his handwriting?”

“Handwriting is an indicator of personality and behavior. It symbolizes your emotions at the given time just like your facial expressions parallel the way you are feeling and speaking.” you replied smartly while Kaz processed this new information “But the interesting thing about this note is - it’s a line from a Kaelish poem. It says ‘Mirror mirror on the wall, tell no more lies about who you are.’”

Inej looked at Kaz and Jesper and then at you thoughtfully as she offered “So then, we are looking for someone Kaelish, well versed in literature, educated, narcistic and organized?”

You looked at Kaz confidently and smartly, with a grim glint in your eyes “I would cut off Kaelish. This person wants you to narrow it down to Kaelish people. Right now, you are looking for someone who knows the language of Kaelish, who is well - versed in literature, violent when provoked, smart and organized and charming and trustworthy and someone who needs to be in control. This was a person all these three girls knew and trusted... and maybe, it’s someone you know too. Someone who knows the procedures of the Dregs and how things work in there. This was someone who stalked each girl, observed the times she did everything, places she went to, people she talked to and organized the crime accordingly.” 

“So we cannot eliminate the possibility that it might be one of the Dregs.” replied Kaz calmly as he thought of the possible suspects and the people who the three girls had in common. 

“No. In fact, I believe you might have even met the killer, perhaps offering condolences for the deaths of the girls or trying to help in any way they can to find them. Keep a sharp eye and trust no one.” you replied sharply and grimly and then after a long moment of silence, your lips curved into a smile “How do you feel about the violin?”

Kaz, Jesper and Inej exchanged surprised glances because that was the last question they expected “What?”

“Well, I play the violin when I’m thinking. Will that be a problem? I also need a large space to pace about, I’m a coffee addict and I don’t talk for days on end and sometimes I talk to myself because I’m the only one in the room who makes sense. Will that bother you? Potential colleagues should know the worst about each other.” you stated easily and calmly with a charming and sweet smile as you finished the last of your whisky. 

Jesper and Inej exchanged amused glances at how Kaz looked surprised at you taking charge and twisting the conversation to surprise him as he replied “Colleagues? Who said anything about becoming a Dreg?”

“I did. Told Nina Zenik day before yesterday over waffles that I must be a difficult and dangerous woman to work with because Pekka Rollins’ has his eye on me because I just took down one of the slavers. Now here her employer is... Kaz Brekker, the Lieutenant of the Dregs, the owner of the Crow Club, clearly wanting to get to me before Rollins does by testing me to see if I am worthy of his time and investment and lives up to Zenik’s word.” you said casually and nonchalantly as if the answer had been simple enough for anyone to understand and Kaz wondered if you had set this up on purpose as he watched you stand up and put your coat on “It isn’t really a difficult conclusion.”

Jesper grinned “I really like her.”

Inej grinned wider as she nodded “Yeah, I really like her too.”

“I’ll be in contact. I need to establish my investigation so I’ll be moving in as a bar girl and Brekker’s secretary tomorrow. That way, I can discreetly find out about what happened to the girls and who they associated with and perhaps even lure out the killer.” you replied briskly in a composed and matter - of - fact voice that Kaz did not like because he was the boss as you moved across the room swiftly “I don’t need a room, I have my own place so I won’t be around for that. I’ll meet you in the evening around at five to go check the victims and locations. Sorry, got to dash... have important things to do.”

Kaz was surprised at the nonchalance and fearlessness you held toward him and the way you treated him as your equal as he called out “Is that it?”

“Is that what?” you inquired politely as you stopped mid - step to look at Kaz in curiosity. 

“Well, we just met and now you are part of the Dregs without my permission?” replied Kaz smartly in a deadly and dangerous voice as he looked at you coldly while Inej and Jesper exchanged amused looks because Kaz seemed to have met his match.  

You didn’t seem fazed at all, in fact you seemed surprised and amused “Problem?”

“We don’t know a thing about each other. I don’t know where we are meeting this evening and I suspect Pandora Silvertongue isn’t your real name.” replied Kaz smoothly and smartly as he raised his eyebrows at her with a smirk because he had to admit she had the nerve and daring combined with her intelligence and curiosity which felt oddly attractive to Kaz. 

“I know you are the Lieutenant of the Dregs, Kaz Brekker. I know you sent the Wraith to follow me yesterday. I know that Per Haskell is a puppet and you are the puppet master who one day hopes to be the leader of the Dregs but is waiting for the opportune moment. I know that you are an orphaned farm boy who was raised outside of Ketterdam in a village judging by the hint of the rural accent that is audible under your Kerch. I know you came to Ketterdam with someone you loved dearly -  the last of your family members - perhaps an older sibling. Since you are standing here alone, I know that your older sibling must have died in the firepox plague that overwhelmed Ketterdam but somehow you managed to survive and climb up the ladder in the streets, developing an aversion to touch, trust issues, avoidance of friendships, hyper vigilance, protectiveness toward Jesper who possibly reminds of your sibling by the way you look at him and reprimand him and hunger for revenge. You think the world is out to get you and you are distrustful of every single person you come into contact with because you were let down by someone you cared about. You like to think you are detached from weakness but you do care... and the reason I know that is you permanently marked yourself with that tattoo on your wrist... R... it stands for something personal... perhaps a name of someone you care about with love or hate... a reminder to you. I know that you like to pretend you are different from the rest of the criminals in the Barrel by dressing up in black like a mercher and distinguishing yourself away from them but the gloves - they hide something - perhaps your touch aversion? I know your limp is psychosomatic. And just one mention of Pekka Rollins, your face is filled with hatred but you are not competing with him for power - no, your eyes are filled with revenge. It’s personal and you intend to be the last man standing.” 

Kaz’ eyes widened as you began your explanation and analysis of him and he felt completely exposed and slightly frightened when you deducted and observed his weaknesses and shames that the world did not see because he hid it so well from them. Kaz couldn’t breath as he listened to you cleverly and calmly rattle out facts about him that no one else knew but seemed completely transparent and obvious to you and when you finished, Kaz’ knees were slightly wobbly and his grip on his cane was tight as he looked at you with something akin to fear and reverence in his heart. 

Inej and Jesper exchanged slightly anxious looks as they looked at Kaz who had gone completely pale and you grinned and winked at the three of them “That’s enough to be going on, don’t you think? The name’s Pandora Silvertongue until you’ve earned my real name and meet me in front of the Church of Ghezen!”

Kaz had been shaken to the core and had wondered how you knew about these personal things. The next time he had met you to help you with your investigate, he had been completely cold and threatening as he demanded how you found out his secrets but you simply explained your observations that had led you to conclude your deductions about him. Those observations were sharp and clever, things that the rest of the world were stupid enough to ignore and it had shocked Kaz you were clever and sharp enough to pick up on those little things. 

Though Kaz hadn’t liked how you had first approached him, he understood your value as a person and a member of the Dregs immediately. He knew that he could not let you go because there were a dozen more powerful and cruel men who were willing to get their hands on you and use you unkindly to their advantage. Kaz had enough information on the city to know that Pekka Rollins had a keen eye on your talents and wanted you all to himself. And Kaz was not going to let a dangerous and talented girl like you be Pekka’s property. 

“That’s enough to be going on, don’t you think? The name’s Pandora Silvertongue until you've earned my real name and meet me in front of the Church of Ghezen!”

You worked undercover as a bargirl and Kaz’ secretary for two weeks in the Crow Club and the Slat. Kaz noticed that you wasted no time in charming everyone and making friends with people who warmed up to you and opened their hearts, confiding their deepest and darkest secrets to you. You were an efficient and effective hard worker who never gave anyone reason to doubt that you were a spy as you observed and worked on the case. There were times you would drive Kaz crazy with your endless playing of the violin at midnight when you needed to think, your coffee addiction that was worse than his and you muttering under your breath, spouting completely random but interesting facts that surprised everyone out of nowhere and sometimes completely zoning out lost in thought ignoring his presence. Kaz found it truly annoying and exasperating but Inej, Nina and Jesper who were slightly patient with you found it amusing that Kaz had found someone worse than him. 

Through his time with you,  Kaz couldn’t believe you were real. Whenever you presented developments in the investigation, there were somethings such an elegant intelligence and raw thought that he had never seen in anyone else. He always would be surprised by your findings because you would up with observations that no one else would think of and was surprisingly accurate. Kaz never showed it but he was in awe of your intelligence and wondered where you had trained your mind to be like this and learned all these things. 

You had found the killer soon enough and suspected that Anika would be the next target. What you hadn’t expected the killer to do was twist his plan and take Inej hostage. Kaz and Jesper had set out to find the killer with the Dregs with your help and you were ordered to stay out of the line of fighting. But the killer had been too smart for Kaz and Jesper planning own traps for them forcing them to watch when he tried to torture Inej under the impression that Inej was Pandora Silvertongue. 

Jesper was full on panicking “PLEASE! LET HER GO! SHE’S NOT PANDORA SILVERTONGUE!”

The killer laughed as he looked at Jesper who was trying to break free “I don’t believe you.”

“You should you know. Pandora Silvertongue is nothing like her.” came a cocky and confident voice out of the dark shadows alarming everyone and getting the attention of the killer.

Inej let out a gasp, Jesper looked around in amazement and shock at your voice that had echoed out of the darkness and Kaz swore his heart jumped out of his chest in alarm and relief with overwhelming emotion that he could not describe. 

“How would you describe her, Mr. Brekker? Beautiful? Intelligent? Resourceful?” your voice asked from the distinct darkness as Kaz had tried to look around trying to search where you possibly might be hiding. 

Kaz had muttered “Disobedient.”

The killer who was one of the new Dregs grinned maniacally “Then you know what I want, don’t you, Silvertongue?”

You had answered as you had taken down one man through the darkness “I believe I do.”

The killer was maniacal at this point as he called out for you as he flashed his knife with a grin when you had appeared out of nowhere and hit the killer with a large brick on his head making the killer fall onto the floor in an unconscious heap as you had rolled your eyes at the killer “Moron.”

You had saved Inej, Jesper and Kaz in time much to their relief. Kaz had seen enough proof that you were worthy of being in the Dregs and offered you a position of the spy in part of the Dregs. You had accepted and from then on, the Crow Club and the Slat had become your home. You had become a loyal ally, a talented spy who was excellent at your job and a close friend to Kaz. Soon Kaz trusted you with the most important missions that you completed brilliantly, valued you as an important part of the Crows and began to see you as a close friend who he liked. 

Kaz prided himself on being someone who had a control over his emotions. After all, he was the most feared man in Ketterdam and his stoic and cold nature required a certain level of control. But when Kaz was with you, he felt something warm flood within him whenever you smiled at him reassuringly and teasingly, he found himself becoming a boy who craved to feel the flutter of his heart whenever you laughed at his dark and dry sense of humor, the reassurance he felt when you stayed up late with him planning heists and cleaning messes after parties. He found his eyes searching for you in the crowded Crow Club and lingering on you for a moment too long as he gazed at your charming and charismatic demeanor that enchanted him. He found your company enjoyable as both of you walked the streets of Ketterdam from the harbor to the marketplace to the Slat and you chatted enthusiastically about anything on your mind as he found himself listening in fondness as he memorized the expressions of your face. He looked forward to the nights where both of you would sit on the roof together gazing at the view of Ketterdam and looking up at the stars as you both shared bottles of whisky and laughed and confided your insecurities, wildest dreams, deepest secrets and untold thoughts to each other as he felt a connection of understanding and trust he had never felt with anyone else. 

Kaz remembered when one day Jesper had dragged him to one of his games where they had to disguise themselves and fool as many Dregs as possible. Kaz and you had been friendly competitive rivals as Kaz promised to beat you in the game. But he had been destroyed when he had only managed to fool two Dregs and you had managed to fool around ten Dregs with your disguise and cover story. 

Kaz walked toward you who was drinking as he scowled “I blew it. I only got through two Dregs.”

“Woah! I got to ten.” you had replied with a playful and sympathetic grin as you looked at him. 

“I can’t believe I lost this stupid game! I was so excited for this. What happened?” exclaimed Kaz as he sat next to you wearing a scowl as he looked completely frustrated. 

“Well, maybe you being excited is what happened. Like every time we’re planning heists, you’re always super intelligent, you take your time, you stay calm and examine every possibility. But every time we do dumb games like this, you get excited and act like a crazy idiot. My advice... don’t act like a crazy idiot.” you replied with an insightful and thoughtful smile as you looked at Kaz with a soft glimmer in your eyes.  

Kaz was surprised at your answer that made him think because it made sense at how perceptive and true it was “Thanks. That was surprisingly wise.”

“Yeah well, motherhood really opens a woman’s eyes. I finally feel as if I’m finally part of something bigger than myself.” you had dramatically said as you touched your fake pregnant belly that was part of your disguise in the game while Kaz rolled his eyes at you and slapped the fake belly in exasperation. 

You placed a protective hand on your fake belly as you gasped dramatically “Hey don’t you dare touch Kazper Jr! That’s right! It’s your baby!”

Kaz had to stop himself from laughing outright as he played along “Are you saying I knocked you up?”

“You sure did!”

Kaz liked it when you were with him. With the rest of the world, he knew you were a gold rush. Everybody wanted to have a taste of you and wanted to know what it would be like to love you. Kaz couldn’t keep his eyes off you because you were an inviting temptation as you flirted and talked with the people with such charismatic and charming sweetness that he felt a flicker of twisted jealousy that crushed him. But when you were with Kaz, though you still teased him with that charming twinkle in your eyes, you displayed a soft sense of vulnerability you never showed to the rest of the world. There was a softness and sweet sincerity in you that you gave Kaz that you never showed the rest of the world and before he could stop himself, Kaz had opened himself and showed his deepest and darkest parts baring himself vulnerable and you had accepted and loved him unconditionally. 

Kaz knew he felt something special for you, something that he never felt for anyone else and something that he couldn’t afford to feel for you in this world. In this world, sentiment was the greatest weakness and it would be used against him by the countless number of enemies who he had made on his way to greatness. So he tried to keep a distance from you as much as he could but there were times he was just drawn to you and he couldn’t stop himself from indulging in your company and worrying about you. 

Before the Ice Court, Kaz had promised Nina that he’d keep an eye on Matthias. So as he searched for Dregs who could infiltrate Hellgate, befriend Matthias and protect him, you had volunteered eagerly. But Kaz had turned down your suggestion feeling something akin to terror of losing you to the darkness and cruelty of Hellgate but when he realized that there was no one else he could truly trust and that you were not backing down from this assignment, he had reluctantly sent you into Hellgate to spy on Matthias. Your absence had been absolutely maddening as the Slat felt cold and empty without you and he worried about your wellbeing in Hellgate. When the chance to break into the Ice Court had arrived, he had seized the opportunity to break you out along with Matthias. 

Kaz remembered when he had reunited with you after your year in Hellgate. You looked completely different, grown up as if you had lived through darkness and survived to tell the tale. But the kind twinkle in your pained eyes was still there as Kaz finally caught up with you and found himself smiling genuinely in relief as he had said “Can I get a free woman a drink?”

The grin you had given him reassured his heavy heart that despite the pain you had endured, you were still completely in sync with him as you said the words he had wanted to say “I missed you, Kaz Brekker.”

You had been by his side through the Ice Court Heist and watched him take down Pekka Rollins as he enjoyed his vengeance on the man who had destroyed his life.

Kaz remembered the aftermath of celebrations when they had overthrown Pekka Rollins and taken Ketterdam to themselves. He had stood with bruises that didn’t seem to hurt but felt victorious and triumphant as he heard Nina, Inej, Wylan, Matthias and you celebrate with Jesper who announced loudly to the Dregs.

“Alright everyone! Pekka Rollins is history, we are absolute legends and we can finally walk freely around Ketterdam!” exclaimed Jesper in an absolutely celebratory mood, feeling blissful as he looked at the Crows who were grinning madly “Who wants waffles?”

You had grinned at Jesper’s infectious mood but had approached Kaz who was staring out of the window at the view of Ketterdam as you looked at Kaz “Hey, you alright? You did it. You finally got your vengeance on Pekka Rollins. 

Kaz’ lips twitched into a small smile as relief and victory blossomed in his chest at his accomplishment and looked at you curiously because he knew if you didn’t have such faith and optimism, he couldn’t have done it “How do you do it Y/N? Keep hoping. Hope is dangerous and it clouds your judgement. And yet after everything you’ve gone through, after everything that happened, everything I did... how did you still manage to hope that it could all work out?”

You smiled gently as your eyes gleamed knowingly and sincerely as you looked at him softly “Because of you. You don’t realize it, Kaz... but you’re actually the most hopeful person I’ve ever met.”

Kaz’ eyes widened as his breath hitched at her unexpected words that he was completely taken aback by as he stared at you in disbelief and surprise seeing only the truth and kindness etched on your face as you said honestly “From the day you crawled out of that harbor having lost everything you ever loved, everyone assumed your place in the world was in the bottom as the weak and lonely, a boy who was defined by loss. But you wished for more. You dared to dream and hope as you worked to climb your way up and gain the power. You dared to hope to succeed in the craziest heists and became someone who everyone feared. You dared to hope to bring down the man who was responsible for your brother’s death.” 

Kaz felt breathless at how you saw him and you smiled at him brightly “Now it’s all over. You have your whole life ahead of you.”

Kaz’ lips curled into a soft smile as he looked at you hopefully “I guess in the end, there really is no end. Just new beginnings.” 

You had tended to his injuries patiently with tenderness and kindness he did not deserve. You had saved his life countless times from taking your first gunshot that was meant for him and committing your first murder as you killed a man in cold blood to protect him. 

You had stood by his side through every questionable decision and defended him when you disagreed with him. You had been loyal to him even when he had pushed you away and lashed out at you in a cruel manner. You weren’t afraid to pushing and telling him when he was wrong and cruel with the stubborn and fiery look in your eyes. You had seen his lawless demons and dangerous ghosts that haunted him but had understood him and helped him work through it. You had seen him as the darkest demon who was dangerous and cruel and yet loved the monster within him. You knew about how he struggled with touch from the very beginning but never questioned or mocked it but simply allowed Kaz to take it slow as he started it with simple fleeting brushing of shoulders to soft fingers interlocking with each other and holding hands to the feeling of being close to you without drowning in the waters. 

You were unlike any other woman he had ever met. 

Kaz sighed as he buried his head in his hands as he remembered when it all went wrong. He had an important mission that required him to retrieve information and steal a valuable documents from the vault hidden in a highly guarded mansion of one of the merchers in Ketterdam. The mercher had a reputation for throwing lavish parties to make connections and relationships so Kaz had decided to ask you to be his pretend wife so they could disguise themselves as guests and get into the vault. 

Kaz’s eyes had flickered toward you when you had entered into his office. He had pretended to be busy but the truth was you had a way of making him painfully aware of every breath you took and every smile you flashed as you brought a warm light into his cold life and he informed you of what he needed. You had grown completely silent and your smile had vanished slightly concerning Kaz who raised his eyebrows at you waiting for your answer.

“No.” you had replied curtly and crisply as you had looked away from Kaz. “Ask Inej or Nina. Or -”

“Y/N... I want you.” Kaz had replied softly as he had slipped out of his seat and stood in front of you “You and I work well together. We make a good team together. And you are the only one I trust for this.” 

His gloved fingers had brushed against yours as he looked deeply at you waiting for your answer and you had surprised him as you smiled at him warmly as red dust scattered on your cheeks and you replied “Ask me properly and I might say yes.”

Kaz had smiled genuinely as he watched you walk away. Later, you were working late into the night with him as both of you were looking through information on a mercher that Kaz wanted to rob. Both of you dug into boxes of information that you had found of books, letters, documents, and photographs of the mercher’s life. As Kaz and you sat side by side enjoying the comforting silence of the moment, and Kaz found a photograph of two lovers laughing on the porch of their old house. It felt hard to explain but in that photograph, he saw himself and you living that life.

You had looked over at him with a small smile as your eyes flickered at the photograph “They look very happy. They must have loved each other very much.”

Kaz looked at you and he felt time stand still as he couldn’t find the right words to describe how he felt in that moment with you as he felt breathless staring into your enchanting and warm eyes and finally broke the silence as he asked “Y/N, do you want to dance with me?”

You had blushed but your smile was answer enough as you had accepted his gloved hand. Kaz’ lips twitched into a smile as he felt your hand rest upon his gently and your other arm holding onto his shoulder gently as he ran his hand softly along your waist and placed it on the small of your back. His breath hitched as he looked at your tender and sweet eyes that twinkled brilliantly as both of you began to dance around the room to the slow and romantic music echoing from downstairs as the rain splattered outside. 

At first, Kaz hated that he was nervous and clumsy tripping over himself and stepping on your toes. He was the Bastard of the Barrel who had humiliated and overthrown Pekka Rollins and now ruled Ketterdam inspiring fear with intimidation and violence and yet he couldn’t properly dance with the girl he possibly liked. 

You had grinned brightly much to Kaz’ mortification at his mistakes as he stepped on your toes once again and you offered “Hey, do you want me to teach you how to do this so you don’t hurt me or possibly yourself?”

Kaz had flushed a bright red in mortification as he had nodded “Yes.”

“Hold your back straight. Now you will lead and I will follow. And now one, two, three...” you began softly with a tender and encouraging smile as you let Kaz guide you across the floor and much to his surprise as Kaz followed the gentle hum of your words, Kaz found himself dancing without causing you any grievous injuries. 

Kaz felt his breath hitch and his heart race as he danced with you smoothly and his eyes flickered down to ensure his feet were not going to hurt you when you instructed him gently “Look into my eyes. Dancing is seeing one another for who they really are, understanding and trusting each other. That’s why I love it.”

Kaz had looked into your eyes and had seen you who had always been there for him through thick and thin and had changed him in the most unimaginable ways as he murmured softly “I see you.”

You had sucked in a breath as your eyes had grown wide but you had smiled softly and joyfully “You dance incredibly.”

“All because I have a talented teacher.” replied Kaz smoothly with a soft smile as he spun you around as you chuckled. 

Kaz had never felt so light-hearted and happy as he spun you around and held you in his arms as both of danced perfectly together in harmony. Kaz knew it felt foolish to give in so easily to how he was feeling but in this moment, he didn’t care as light and humor danced in his eyes feeling weightless, all the burdens and worries he carried washed away as he held you in his arms as you glowed in happiness and laughter. 

Kaz felt free and weightless laughing in delight as you spun him around as you laughed in amusement, breaking rules of dancing but he didn’t care because he knew this moment with you was right and wanted this forever. He couldn’t let go of this perfect moment where the stars had aligned and everything felt just good to be true as Kaz spun you around and dipped you down, his hand supporting your back, stopping you from falling. You held onto his shoulder trusting him to hold you and never let you fall and break. Kaz pulled you up once as you held onto his gloved hand and his nose brushed against your forehead swaying to the soft and romantic song echoing through the Slat as both of you stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity. 

“Y/N...” murmured Kaz as his eyes fluttered open, memorizing every inch of your face and committing you to memory afraid you would vanish if he let you go “Will you marry me and make me the happiest man on earth?” 

Your heart rate escalated through the roof and your eyes had widened in surprise as you stared at him in speechless amazement as he took out a ring that had a crow with a R engraved on it as he held your hand tightly in his “Marry me, Y/N and be my partner in crime for life.”

Kaz saw you chuckle and smile at him as you nodded “Yes. I’ll be your partner in crime for life, Kaz Brekker.”

“Kaz Rietvald.” confessed Kaz softly, his voice barely a whisper as he looked at you vulnerably “Kaz Rietvald is my real name. The name of the boy who came to Ketterdam with hopes of making it with his brother. The name of the boy who died in the harbor that day.”

You had looked at him with understanding and sincerity as he swallowed a lump of emotion and confessed “But when I’m with you... I feel like Kaz Rietvald once again. The boy who believed in magic and beauty of the world.”

“Kaz...” you had murmured as you looked at the ring that held great meaning for you now and then at Kaz with so much you wanted to say to him but he shook his head as he placed a soft and fleeting kiss on your hand. 

“Y/N...” he whispered as he slipped the ring onto your hand with his own trembling hands and then placed a sweet and tender kiss on your forehead “You are the reason.”

The reason that he was alive. The reason that he still felt alive. The reason that he looked forward to waking up every day. The reason that he paid attention to all the magical little things you did. The reason he felt worry whenever you were hurt and wounded. The reason that he dared to dream once again. 

From there on, Kaz had felt connected to you in a way that he hadn’t before. He had wanted to practice perfecting the image of pretending to be an engaged couple so he encouraged both of you to do little things that couples do. But it was easy to forget that Kaz was pretending when he hid sincere love notes inside your room, replaced the wilting flowers in your room with your favorite flowers and left little gifts for you. It was easy for Kaz to forget that you were not his to lose when he found little notes filled with jokes and small affirmations inside his files, his favorite books annotated with your thoughts and sentences highlighted that reminded you of him, flowers pressed to the pages.

It was easy to get lost in the act of being your husband when he exchanged knowing and lingering glances with you in secret, whenever he would feel the twisted dark feeling of jealousy when he saw any man look at you in the wrong way, when you bought coffee made exactly how he liked it in the mornings and when he was working late. It was easy to forget that you weren’t his lover when both of you worked late until night, your head resting on his lap as he ran his hand through your hair smiling down at you as you read your books, when he listened to you play the violin, when he shared meals with you and cuddled with you relishing the comfortable silence and teasing each other and confiding his secrets in you.

It was easy to forget that you were not his wife when he had seen you laughing in amusement, your eyes gleaming brightly and his lips had met yours passionately and tenderly as time stood still and his heart beat violently out of his ribcage when you had kissed him back with equal tenderness and desire. It was easy to forget that this was all just an act when he would indulge in the pleasure of nipping your earlobe and placing a trail of kisses from your cheek to your neck and collarbone taking his time to taste you and feel your body tremble underneath his touch. 

It was easy to forget it all because you were easy to fall in love with deeply and madly until it was too late for him to back out. 

When the day came for the party, he had dressed up and you appeared in front of him making him speechless as his eyes widened because you were a breathtaking sight to behold. You were wearing an off the shoulder satin long emerald green dress that hugged your curves perfectly. You were wearing simple pearl earrings, your hair braided into loose waves and your cheeks pink and your lips ruby red as you smiled at Kaz. 

Kaz had placed his hand on the small of your back as he guided you away and whispered into your ear “You look beautiful.”

You had blushed when you felt his lips brush against the nape of your neck as you squeezed his hand gently “You don’t look so bad yourself”

At the party, everyone was full of admiration for Kaz and you as a couple. Kaz and you socialized with the crowd of aristocrats, merchers and businessmen as you charmed them with your signature charisma that got enough information for Kaz. Though Kaz was not much of a social creature, he observed you morphing into the form that you needed to take in order to charm and lure your target into giving you what you wanted. 

As the time drew near for them to rob the vault, Kaz and you were talking with a few ladies and gentlemen who were very impressed with the both of you, the affectionate and loving couple and one woman had asked Kaz how he knew you were the one for him. 

Kaz had frozen at the question but his panic had disappeared as soon as it had come as he tightened his arm around your waist as he replied to his surprise with the truth of his heart “She makes me laugh. She’s smart, kind and funny and accepting of who I am. She’s truly the kind of woman who comes once in a lifetime. She’s beautiful and impossible. The way we got here was unexpected. But no matter how I think about it... we were meant to be. And the more time I spend with her, I know that I don’t want to lose her.”

Everyone cooed over the answer but you had frozen at Kaz’ answer as you looked at him in amazement and surprise but Kaz didn’t meet your eyes. The lady was insistent on knowing what you liked so much about Kaz that you knew you had to marry him. You wanted to hit that woman with the tray of champagne because she was putting you in a very awkward position at the moment. 

“He is... well, one night we were just gazing at the stars and talking when I looked over at him and it struck me that he is my closest friend. He’s awesome, intelligent, strong, brave and protects those who he cares about. How could I not want to be with him?” you had replied easily and sincerely with a tender and sweet smile shocking Kaz who had not expected such an answer that sounded terrifyingly real. 

Both of you had escaped the crowd and made it to the vault in time. You had distracted the guards while Kaz broke into the vault and took what he needed. Both of you were on the verge of an escape when both of you heard footsteps heading your way. Kaz had looked at you with desperation and desire as he had pushed you against the wall but before you could say anything, his lips were moving against yours passionately and fiercely, roughly and hungrily devouring you as his hands explored your body and sparks flew within him as you kissed him back with fierce passion and overwhelming emotion as you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer toward you. 

Kaz couldn’t stop. He knew what he felt for you was a weakness. And if anything, you felt the same way about him too. And Kaz was secretly ecstatic that you felt the same way toward him. But Kaz had realized as he broke into the vault, he was a criminal. He was Kaz Brekker, the King of Ketterdam, the Bastard of the Barrel who had no weakness and who could not afford to love anyone. Kaz had realized the true harsh reality that he could never love you the way you deserve to be loved. He was not a man made for love. He was a monster created for chaos and cruelty. And you were weakening him, bringing his softer and vulnerable side that he had hidden from the world for so long. He couldn’t let it happen. As Kaz kissed you, he kissed you goodbye as he held you in his arms trying to keep you with him for a bit longer but he knew he had to end it before the world ended him. 

The guards who had been patrolling cleared their throats when they had seen you and Kaz and you had narrowly escaped their scrutiny and attention as a very handsy couple. When both of you had left the party, Kaz hardened his heart ignoring your pleasant conversation and then your inquiring questions. It didn’t take you long to notice this sudden change in Kaz who had grown cold and distant from you. 

“Kaz!” you had snapped as you shoved him getting his attention “What is wrong with you? What’s going on?”

“Y/N... I’m not your fucking husband, so stop nagging me!” snarled Kaz harshly, the softness in his eyes completely gone as he looked at you coldly “It’s over. We completed our mission. I got what I needed.”

Kaz started walking away because he didn’t want to see your fallen face when he heard your trembling voice speak up “Is that it?”

“Is that what? Did you think this was real? It was just a game... part of a mission.” replied Kaz coldly, his eyes flashing with harshness as he began to break the one thing he was falling in love with. 

“Don’t. Don’t you dare. I don’t believe you. I know you feel the same way I do, Kaz.” you had replied with a trembling and shaky voice that you tried to keep strong as you looked at him with a pained expression “You - please don’t do this. You can’t just do this to us and then run away from all these feelings because you are scared.”

“Scared? Y/N, I don’t love you. You are an investment to me.” replied Kaz cruelly and harshly shoving down the voice screaming that he was lying as he glared at you. “You are nothing to me!”

You remembered how safe you felt with Kaz and how he had always assured you that you belonged and had a home with him as you felt everything you thought you knew burn once again into ashes as your heart shattered into pieces at the words carelessly and brutally uttered by Kaz and you sucked a breath as you looked at him in disbelief and heartbreak “You don’t love me?”

Kaz answered with cold silence that rang loudly among both of you and he could hear your heart shattering into pieces and had to hold onto looking at how your once bright and happy face now fell into an expression of shocked disbelief and pained suffering as you tried to understand how your world could quickly fall apart. Kaz couldn’t bear to look at your pained expression any longer so he decided to walk away from you, to leave you alone and save himself from the pain. 

“I don’t believe you. Two hours ago, at that party, you wanted me. You were in love with me, Kaz. All these months, you made me believe we could share something special.” you called out, your voice shattered and hurt but there was a sliver of spite and anger in it that stopped him within his tracks as he closed his eyes and stiffened because he was losing you because this had to end “But we can never be that because you put yourself above everyone and within you is -”

 “Is what? A cold monstrous dark dead heart?” snapped Kaz clenching his jaw as he turned around to look at you with a dark and cold look in his eyes as he thought of how everything they had built up on a shaky ground was now falling apart “I thought you knew better by now. I don’t have a heart, Y/N.”

“Who knows? Because you never show anyone who you are!” you had spat out with tears in your eyes as you looked at Kaz with hurt and pain. “You aren’t letting me in, Kaz!”

“Nothing good comes from loving people! Everyone leaves in the end. I intend to live my life knowing that I have no weakness that my enemies will not exploit against me and knowing that I have no one who loves me mourning for me when I’m gone wishing every single moment that I would come back for them!” yelled Kaz fiercely, his eyes flashing with powerless reminiscence of a destroyed childhood and suffering that had made him monstrous as he looked at you knowing that he couldn’t afford to love you, not when he was weakened with you, not when he could never give you peace. 

“Well then, I love you! Isn’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?” you had screamed at him hysterically, tears rolling down your eyes as you felt nothing but piercing heartbreak and completely broken at how casually cruel and brutal he was being breaking you into pieces. 

Kaz’ breath hitched as he froze at your confession, his heart skipping a beat traitorously with hope and happiness but he collected himself reminding himself that both of you could never have a shot in the dark because he was too damaged to be loved by you as his lips curled into a cruel sneer “You disgust me! It’s too bad for you that I don’t love you. That you didn’t make the cut into my heart. Why would you do that to yourself?”

“You - you shouldn’t have let me in! You shouldn’t have made me feel safe with you! You shouldn’t have made me feel like I belong with you and the Dregs are my home!” you had snapped in unbearable pain that burned every inch of you as you gasped through a broken sob and looked at Kaz who looked so pretty like the devil through the tears as you slapped him “Because now it’s far too late!”

Kaz felt the sting of the slap but your words lashed across his heart more than the pain of the slap. He clenched his jaw as he felt his heart bleed in unbearable pain as he looked at you in hurt and wistfulness. He wanted to take back all his cruel words that broke you and crumpled you but he knew he couldn’t do that. 

And as Kaz looked at you, he wanted you more than anything in the world. More than all the kruge and the most beautiful paintings and precious jewels that he spent his life chasing to steal. Kaz was painfully aware of the aching desire he had to call you only his and to come home to your bright smile and tender heart every single day. Kaz wanted more than anything to hold your hand through life and death and to love you with all your scars and bruises and protect you from the rest of the world. Kaz had never felt this kind of powerful love and aching desire for anyone in his life, the kind that made him want to live each moment and love fearlessly. He wanted you so much that he was afraid that what he shared with you could bring him back to life as Kaz Rietvald or break him down.

Kaz loved you. Kaz had so much love inside him that he wanted to give you but he was terrified of how much you meant to him and what he would do to the world if you ever were hurt. As Kaz looked at the moonlight shining upon you, Kaz believed in Saints who had created the most perfect punishment fitting for him. For he was a monster, and it was only fitting for a monster never to hold and have what he loved the most in this world. 

Kaz felt you sense his reluctance and desire for you as you took his hand in yours and caressed his cheek gently as he was hypnotized by your tender eyes as he stared at the one that he loved and dreamed of as you softly and earnestly confessed “Kaz...I know you are scared. I’m terrified too. But I want you. I love you with all your flaws and scars, Kaz. Don’t give up on us. So let’s stop pretending and do this for real.”

Kaz’ breath hitched as he leaned toward you, drawn in like a moth to a flame. He could feel your breath fanning against his cheek as he inhaled in your intoxicating perfume and felt your hot skin against his lips that longed to kiss you. His eyes fluttered shut and his heart was racing inhumanely as his mind forgot to remind him that you were a bad idea. You were an addiction he couldn’t yet give up on and wanted more and more until he was completely satisfied. Kaz had an inkling he would always be wanting more of you as his hand held the nape of your neck wondering how something that was so rationally wrong could feel so perfectly right. 

He did not ask for this. He did not ask for you in his life. You were beautiful, intelligent, dynamic, wonderful and brighter than fireworks in the night sky. Kaz did not ask to be plagued by these feelings for you, to be driven to distraction every time you entered a room. 

“Say you want me like I want you maddeningly.” your voice whispered as your breath fanned his cheek, and Kaz couldn’t breath or think as he was lost in his storm of feelings for you as his lips lingered close enough toward yours eager to taste you.

But your words jolted him from this madness as he took a deep breath and stumbled back from you, realizing that he had been giving into his weaknesses and he breathed heavily trying to compose himself. What had he been thinking? What was he doing? This wasn’t fair and - this wasn’t right. Kaz ran his hand through his hair as he convinced himself that this wasn’t love, this was a distraction, a fleeting infatuation that would pass with time. You were not going to be his destruction. Kaz felt a bitter taste in his mouth as he convinced himself that he was not the one for you. You deserved someone better, someone who was not broken and damaged who would only bring you down. 

“I don’t love you. You were a pleasant distraction from my work.” replied Kaz firmly and coldly as his heart cried out at the lie but he knew it had to be done as he looked you in the eye “This isn’t a fairytale, Y/N. I am your employer and you are my Dreg. So stop being delusional and be what I need you to be and do what I need you to do.”

Then it had taken everything in Kaz to walk away leaving you alone in the dark, the masterpiece of what they had torn apart as you felt alone, tears of heartbreak and pain running down your cheeks. 

It hadn’t taken long for everyone else to notice what had gone wrong between you and Kaz. Both of you had been inseparable, never one without another and now both of you were distant and apart. Kaz kept his distance coldly and cruelly from you refusing to listen and talk to you as you tried to fight for them again and again and the brightness in your eyes began to fade away slowly as you wondered where you had gone wrong as you sat in the dark choking on your sobs dying inside of pain and heartbreak. 

Kaz didn’t know that you were trying to hold onto him as you stayed in your room. After a while, you stopped coming to see Kaz but your presence lingered with him as he heard you play the violin, vulnerable, soft and sad, melancholy heart tugging and heart breaking melodies that would float through the Slat down to the streets. The melodies you played were piercingly agonizing, beautifully emotional and reminded Kaz every single moment of the memories he had shared with you, the unconditional joy he had felt in your presence and now the sorrow that ached within him at your absence as tears sprung into his eyes. He wasn’t the only one affected by your emotional performances. One of the most toughest Dregs who was violent had burst into tears when he had heard you performing a heartbreaking farewell song. 

One day, Kaz couldn’t bear it any longer as he quietly walked toward your room as his eyes fell on you facing the window playing an achingly sad and sweet melody that touched Kaz’ cold heart feeling that your melody was a breathtaking story that never got a happy ending. 

“Is it a sad song?” asked Kaz softly as he lingered at the door, his eyes full of sadness and curiosity when you had finished playing and he noted that you didn’t look surprised at his presence. 

“Nothing is sad until its over. Then everything is.” you replied quietly and contemplatively, your eyes full of grief and heartbreak as you looked at him with a sliver of hope in your heart. 

Kaz had felt a lump of emotion swell up in his throat as he tried to speak but he was too lost in your eyes that mirrored how he felt and you took a step toward him “Kaz... I just wanted to say -”

“Y/N - I just came to say it’s enough.” said Kaz clearing his throat and taking hold of himself as he took on the coldness and harshness against you who looked slightly confused “Enough of your melancholy whining and playing the violin! It’s a headache and distracting all of us from doing important things.”

Kaz had watched you freeze in shock at his order, your eyes burning bright in disbelief and hurt and Kaz knew it that you loved playing on your violin. Your violin was the most precious possession in the world to you and you would never give up your violin to save yourself. You loved playing music on your violin more than anything in the world and to hear Kaz order you to stop playing the violin was an equivalent to ordering you drown yourself and kill yourself. 

The despair and grief in your eyes flashed into cold anger as you gripped your violin protectively “You once looked me in the eyes and told me that you would be by my side until the end. But it’s wonderful to see that you are okay being a liar who wants everything to revolve around you. I guess my pain - the pain you caused is such an imposition to you.”

“Y/N... I’m sick of you! So please stop playing the violin! If you so much as play a note on that stupid thing, I will burn it!” exclaimed Kaz who had felt anger that derived out of guilt and self - loathing as he glared at you with lightning in his eyes. 

Kaz saw you were paralyzed with shock at his cruel words that he suddenly regretted as he looked at your grief-stricken expression but he didn’t want to stay and dwell on it as he turned away but as he took a few steps away from you, he heard you say in disappointment and sadness “I thought you might be different than the rest of the monsters in this world. But I guess you are all the same.”

Kaz had frozen but before his anger could get the best of him, he had marched to his office. You had looked down at the streets of Ketterdam that were haunted by your father who had come before you, your brother who you had lost to the cruelty of this city and the one person you had always felt like you belonged in this godforsaken city had abandoned you making you feel unspeakably lonely and terrified, unbearably heartbroken and hurt. You had been the phoenix in this city rising from the ashes every single time they burned you but you were getting tired of rising and fighting like it was nothing. Kaz had dealt the final blow. 

When Nina had offered to take you with her, you had not hesitated. Kaz had been surprised that you had accepted and something in him wanted to stop you from leaving to Ravka. But he stayed silent as you packed your bags and left for Ravka with Nina without saying goodbye to him as he had the deadly sinking feeling that he was losing you. 

Kaz had expected that he wouldn’t miss you at all. After all, it was good that you were far away from him as possible and it would give him time to move from this disaster. But the air was thick with loss and indecision as he realized the truth of the saying that you never knew what you had until it was gone. Kaz had thought your absence would only satisfy him and give him the satisfaction that he was right all along.

But Kaz had been completely, utterly, tragically wrong. 

Because after you had left, everything seemed empty and wrong to Kaz. Your absence could be felt in every single vein in Kaz’ body and your absence taunted him as he felt the little things about your presence in his life. His office that had once been full of light and warmth, a place of shelter from the cruelty of the world where he shared sacred moments of sincere smiles and easy conversations with you had now become cold and dark, empty of your vivid intelligence and easy laughter that lit it up as Kaz stared frozen at the blueprints, maps, documents, contracts that didn’t make any sense to him any longer. Your scent of sharp jasmine and comforting pages of books lingered on his pillow that he buried his head into every night trying to hold onto you as he missed you terribly. Kaz missed your incredible intelligence and imagination that saw the world through different eyes and observed things that everyone else missed. Kaz felt your absence ache terribly at the lack of beautiful, magical and lovely music that you would play on your violin during the most random and inconvenient times of the day when you needed to think. Kaz missed the little things from the little soft and knowing smile you had reserved only for him, the midnight conversations that made them smile and cry, the afternoons you would come back from your favorite café to share coffee and pastries with him, your furrowed brow when you were focused on sketching, and the playfulness and childlike innocence you exuded brightening his life. 

Kaz couldn’t bear your absence that echoed in this godforsaken city of Ketterdam. Ketterdam, the city that used to be a reminder of Jordie was now driving Kaz mad by screaming your name everywhere Kaz went. Kaz couldn’t walk past and live in this city of blood that was now haunted by you as he was reminded of you in each place from your room that used to be scattered with papers, books and boards that were marked with ongoing investigations but now was empty of activity, the marketplace you frequented bargaining with the vendors driving them to despair, the bookshops in the University District you lingered in for long hours, the Crow Club where you laughed and drank with the Crows sharing intimate and secret glances with Kaz, the library where you loved to read losing track of time, the waffle house where you and Nina loved to eat waffles, the hot chocolate stand where you and Kaz would always buy and drink hot chocolate after a heist or a job or whenever they passed it by, the crowded canals where you liked to sit and sketch landscapes of Ketterdam, the harbor shore where you liked to run into the sea and jump around in the waves childishly and freely and the bar your friend Steve owned where Kaz had first met you. 

Your seat at the table was empty and no one in the Dregs dared to sit on it. Everyone in the Dregs missed you too. Jesper didn’t frequent the Slat often and when he did was restless and anxious, Wylan was quiet and thoughtful as he worked on his bombs but when something went wrong, he would be frustrated and once snapped in anger at one of the innocent newly recruited Dregs because no one else except you understood him and his love for inventions. Inej prayed daily to her Saints to keep you and Nina safe, posted letters all the Crows and the Dregs wrote to you, sent you little trinkets, and tidied your room replacing the wilted flowers and arranging it. Matthias would try to raise everyone’s spirits as he reminisced of good times with you making everyone smile and laugh and encouraging the Dregs to keep going but inside he was worried for your wellbeing since you were the first friend he had from Hellgate until now. 

Kaz also was subjected to high sass levels of incredibly frustrated and angry intelligent, skilled and protective teenagers and your friends in the Dregs who were first seen by you and touched by your kindness to them in the streets and were forever in your debt for giving them a home and a purpose. This was the worst punishment yet for hurting you and he wished that he had never done anything to you because the revenge from the kids and friends in the Dregs who loved you was worse than any humiliation he had been subjected to. 

He had once come down in the morning to get coffee but the last of the coffee was taken by the dark haired, sassy kid called Hari who had marched into the kitchen completely covered in blood as he held an axe and glared at Kaz as he marched away with the jug of coffee, never letting Kaz get coffee at any given moment. The red head named Betty who was completely mad at Kaz had arranged to deliver the most distasteful cakes that tasted horrible to him every single day with the most hurtful and imaginative sayings on the top ranging from ‘IT’S GARBAGE DAY. CAN’T BELIEVE THEY HAVE A WHOLE DAY DEDICATED TO YOU’, ‘SORRY YOU ARE SUCH A HATEFUL BITCH’, ‘YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS A JOKE’, and a cake with a middle finger on it that said ‘YOUR LOSS’. There were three kids named Tony, Sabrina and James who helped you with your investigations and whenever Kaz ordered them to do anything, they would defy him sassily by shrugging him off and not taking him seriously. There were two twins named Rob and Hal who pranked Kaz every single day after he had broken your heart, nearly driving Kaz crazy but Kaz could never trace the prank back to them but Kaz knew it was them when they smirked in amusement whenever they saw Kaz covered with glitter and pink confetti or Kaz’ hair completely blonde and purple. The curly haired boy named Joe who you had given all your waffles to on that terribly hungry day would replace Kaz’ gloves with brightly colored, crazily patterned leather gloves, hide Kaz’ documents in places where Kaz couldn’t find them, replace Kaz’ coats with bright and colorful coats, redecorate Kaz’ cane into silly shapes and replaced Kaz’ perfume with a spray that made Kaz smell like rotten eggs for days. A medik you trusted and had taken into the Dregs named Hungyun would sharpen his blades and recite facts about surgeries and how to dispose of a body whenever Kaz passed him by so Kaz avoided him all together.

Matthias who had noticed Jesper’s restlessness, Wylan’s frustration, Inej’s worry and the Dregs’ sass had gathered them for a project to cheer you up by making an album about how much you meant to them and soon all of them enthusiastically joined in the creative venture. The only thing that calmed all the Dregs and Crows from starting a revolution was your letters to them that kept them happy that you were doing fine. 

Kaz received your letters and he read them the moment he received them. You wrote so beautifully about Ravka and how it was so different to Ketterdam. Every letter was a piece of you that he clung onto as he read it over and over again, tracing your elegant yet messy handwriting full of enthusiasm and sadness as you described everything in vivid detail, put down your own thoughts and confessed how much you missed him and couldn’t forget him no matter how hard you tried. Kaz tried to write back but every time he tried to write, words failed him as emotions overwhelmed him because he didn’t know where to start and he knew if he wrote back and really confronted how he felt, he would be giving into weakness. He couldn’t afford to be weak. So he wrote the letters he wanted to write to you secretly and locked it away and read your letters over and over again never sending you a response hoping that in time you would forget him. 

But the thought of losing you terrified him. Because that was kind of heartbreak time could never mend. Kaz could never feel this kind of love for anyone again and though he was adamant in holding onto strength of not giving into his weakness, he never wanted you to leave him for another because it petrified and terrified him. He could never walk the streets of Ketterdam again if you were not by his side. 

Kaz knew he had to do something when he dreamed of you and started seeing visions of you in broad daylight. The first time Kaz had seen you in broad daylight was when he was supervising the Crow Club and he had seen you laughing in the Crow Club and you winked at him with that charming and knowing manner that always made him blush and his eyes widened in wonder and disbelief because he couldn’t believe you had come back so soon but then you vanished. Kaz had blinked in confusion realizing that he had hallucinated you but that was just the beginning. When Kaz had been walking down the street, he had heard you call out his name cheerfully and his heart had soared in traitorous hope as he swerved to look in the direction where he heard your voice and saw that it was you with your sweet disposition and bright eyes running toward him with wind in your hair and his knees had almost given out but then the vision of you disappeared as a girl ran past him to hug her lover behind him. Kaz tried to shut you out but you were impossible. You were in his head and you didn’t leave. He saw you sitting in his office looking at him in disappointment and anger, tears of sadness rolling down your cheeks as you begged him to love you. 

Kaz couldn’t bear it any longer. Kaz didn’t care how long Nina had said she would be gone with you. Kaz needed you with him. Kaz wanted you with him because he couldn’t live without you since this was hell. Kaz pulled out a new paper and wrote a letter to you ordering you to come back home to him because he couldn’t live like this any longer. He hoped that once you got the letter, you would not hesitate to come back. 

After all Ketterdam was your home. Ketterdam was where you belonged. Ketterdam was where he was. There was nothing special tying you to Ravka. 

As Kaz sent the letter, he looked at the sun setting down on the horizon and muttered with all the sincerity and piercing agony in his heart as he remembered the rare masterpiece he shared with you, remembered you all too well “I miss you, Y/N. Come back to me.”

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[lunarthecorvus]

You said you’ve read multiple fics where Wylan and Kaz’s moms were friends, can I get the links?

Kaz Brekker's Mother's & Marya Hendriks fanfiction recommendations

part of Lunar's soc fanficiton rec series

-------------------------------✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧----------------------------------

blood of my blood by @garbagef4iry

Wordcount: 9,332 Chapters: 9/9

Characters: Kaz Brekker's Father, Kaz Brekker's Mother, Original Characters, Marya Hendriks, Jan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker

Tags: Women’s Rights Movement, city girl x country boy, Misogyny, Badass Women, mentions of abuse and violence, late victorian england vibes, Prequel

Author's summary/notes: As Kaz struggles in his confidence with becoming a father, he yearns for his own. For both of his parents. This is the story of his mother and father— Wilhelmina Trapp and Abram Rietveld. My summary/notes: I love this fic so much. You have badass women fighting for the women's right movement, I'm obbsessed with Kaz's mum in this, and it has Anika's parents?! Also Marya my beloved <3 and how she ended up where she did + so many other original characters

---------- ☾₊ ⊹

Keeping Me Alive by @martinakl13

Wordcount: 510,662 Chapters: 175/?

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Jan Van Eck, Marya Hendriks, Anika Imogen, Alys Van Eck, Inej Ghafa's Mother, Original Characters, Jakob Hertzoon, Inej Ghafa's Father, Jordie Rietveld, Specht, Per Haskell, Jarl Brum, Pim, Keeg, Roeder, Tante Heleen, Pekka Rollins, Colm Fahey, Asha, Hanzi, Big Bolliger, Oomen, Hanne Brum, Saskia Rollins, Kaz Brekker's Father (Mentioned), Kaz Brekker's Mother (mentioned), Matthias Helvar's Sister, Matthias Helvar's Father, Matthias Helvar's Mother, Genya Safin, Reyem Yul-Kaat, Nikolai Lantsov, Zoya Nazyalensky

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Sports, Alternate Universe - Ballet, Gambling, Dyslexia, Trauma, Violence, Past Child Abuse, Mixed Martial Arts, Past Character Death, Touch-Averse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Swearing, Implied/Referenced Sex, Alcohol, Hacking, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Slow Burn, Jordie Rietveld Lives, Soft Inej Ghafa, Soft Kaz Brekker, Drug Use, Depression, Kaz Brekker Needs a Hug, Mutual Pining, Inej Ghafa Needs a Hug, Eating Disorders, Drug Addiction, Survivor Guilt

Author's summary/notes: A boy who lost everything and is still fighting for his chance at a better life. A ballerina who wants to make her dream come true. A soldier running away from a terrible truth. A multilingual girl, abandoned by her own family, trying to find her place in a world. A talented musician who struggles to overcome his father's prejudice and mistrust. A boy who solves his problems by making bad decisions. Six students of University of Ketterdam deal with their past and traumas to find love, understanding and friendship. My summary/notes: I have recommended this fic before so I won't add any new notes but although it is only in the background they do speak about Marya and Kaz's mothers shared past friendship. Also, Martina is so sweet and such a great author with so many other soc fics so go check them out

you'll get the green light (and i'll get the old door in the face) by @honeii-puff

Wordcount: 698 Chapters: 1/1

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Marya Hendriks, Wylan Van Eck (Mentioned), Alys Van Eck (mentioned), Plumje Van Eck (mentioned), Jesper Fahey (Mentioned), Kaz's Father (mentioned), Kaz's Mother (mentioned),

Tags: no beta, Title from Problems (Mother Mother)

Author's summary/notes: In which Mayra Hendriks invites Kaz Brekker for tea twice, and one time he accepts My summary/notes: I know this fic is short and only talks a bit about it, I still think its sweet and is great ground to think about the friendship more.

These are the only fics I can find now, I will keep on the look for the others, and if anyone has a fic with this friendship feel free to let me know and I'll read it and rec it <3

[atac-agent]

Helnik || GHOSTS OF OUR PAST || Chapter 1

Timeline: Just after Crooked Kingdom, right before King of Scars

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 852

Note: totally not venging revenge for my wasted tears over the untold story of helnik-

• masterlist // prologue // next chapter (coming soon)

---

Nina Zenik stood in the dimly lit study of the Van Eck Mansion, her gaze fixed on the flickering flame of a solitary candle. The grandeur of the room was lost on her as she wrestled with memories that refused to fade. She clutched Matthias Helvar's worn leather jacket to her chest, feeling the weight of his absence like a physical ache.

Outside, the wind whispered through the trees, carrying with it the promise of a harsh Fjerdan winter. Nina shivered, not from the chill in the air but from the relentless sorrow that gripped her heart.

Matthias, the boy who brought her back from death, the boy he loved, was gone.

Gone.

"Nina," a voice called out, deep and steady. "What are you doing here, witch?" he demanded, though his tone lacked the venom it once had.

Nina's heart ached at the sight of him. "I'm not here to fight, Matthias. I'm here because I miss you."

Nina reached out, her fingers brushing against his arm. "I know. But I can't help it. I keep seeing you everywhere."

His gaze softened slightly. "I was your enemy once. Do you remember how we met?"

Nina nodded, her mind drifting back to that fateful encounter. She remembered the fear and adrenaline, the way they had circled each other like predators, each one waiting for the other to make a move.

"You were so determined to hate me," she said softly. "But we both changed, didn't we?"

He looked away, the hardness returning to his face. "We did. But some things can't be undone. My people, my duty... they were my life."

"And now?" she asked, her voice trembling.

"Now I'm gone," his words hitting her like a physical blow. "You need to let me go, Nina."

"You saved me, Matthias. More times than I can count. You brought me back from the brink," she said, tears streaming down her face. "But I couldn't save you."

Matthias reached out, his hand hovering over her cheek. "You did save me, Nina. You showed me a different way, a different path. Even if it was just for a moment."

Nina's heart clenched, the pain too much to bear. "I don't want to say goodbye."

"You have to," he whispered. "For both our sakes."

The snowstorm intensified, and Nina felt herself being pulled away, the image of Matthias fading into the blizzard. She tried to hold on, but the wind was too strong. The cold bit at her, and she heard her own gasping breath. She was falling.... falling .....

Nina's vision blurred, and she sank to the floor, Matthias' jacket slipping from her grasp.

"Nina?" Inej's voice broke through the haze, filled with concern.

Nina looked up to see Inej standing in the doorway, her friend's dark eyes filled with understanding and worry. "I'm okay," Nina lied, her voice hoarse from crying.

Inej stepped closer, picking up the jacket and handing it back to Nina. "You don't have to do this alone, you know."

Nina nodded, though she knew that this journey, this grief, was something she would have to face on her own terms. "I need to take him home, Inej. It's the least I can do."

"I will," Nina promised, though she wasn't sure how she would keep that vow. She felt like a part of her had been buried with Matthias, and the road ahead seemed impossibly long and cold.

Inej sat down beside her, the silence between them filled with unspoken words. "Do you remember when Oomen cut me?" Inej began softly.

Nina glanced at her friend, surprised by the sudden shift in conversation. "Of course. How could I forget?"

"I was so close to giving up," Inej continued. "I felt the darkness closing in, and I thought that was the end for me. But then you came, Nina. You healed me. You brought me back."

"I did what I had to," Nina said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"You did more than that," Inej insisted. "You showed me that there was still light, even in the darkest of times. You gave me hope when I had none."

Nina's tears flowed freely now. "Inej, I..."

Inej reached out, taking Nina's hand in hers. "You have that same strength, Nina. You can find your way through this. And you don't have to do it alone."

Nina squeezed her friend's hand, drawing comfort from the warmth of her touch. "Thank you, Inej."

Nina stood up, wiping her tears, and looked around the study. She had to be strong, for Matthias, for herself, and for those who believed in her. With a deep breath, she steeled herself for the challenges ahead.

Then, without warning, the sound of shattering glass echoed through the mansion, followed by a chilling voice that sent a jolt of fear through Nina's heart. She turned, eyes wide, as a shadowy figure emerged from the darkness.

"Nina Zenik," the voice hissed. "Did you really think you could escape me?

Nina's breath caught in her throat as the figure stepped into the light, revealing a face she never thought she'd see again.

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Febuwhump 28: Unexpectedly Expected

Fandom: Grishaverse: Six of Crows and Shadow and Bone Summary: Death was around every corner, including the one that their car had just rounded. Warnings: Car crashes, graphic descriptions of injuries, blood, gore, major character death, and heavy angst Word Count: 1,883 Ship(s): Kaz Brekker/Nina Zenik/Inej Ghafa/Matthias Helvar/Wylan Van Eck/Jesper Fahey

Archive link!

“Jes!” Nina called as she twisted around in the front seat so that she could see the lover behind her.

“Yes, beautiful?” he asked, his eyes flicking up from his phone for only a moment.

Inej loved them when they were like this, all together in a roadtrip across the country. Nina and Matthias traveled a lot because they had always wanted to see the world and their job forced them to do so. She traveled as she searched for cases that were close enough to what had happened to her and her brother that she could right the wrong that had happened years and years ago (she was aware that it was a bit selfish, but she had her entire life stripped from her when she was only fourteen, so she figured that she had earned the right to be selfish). Kaz, Wylan, and Jesper were always home because of their jobs which meant that they didn’t travel with the others very often.

Despite that, she had managed to convince them that they could take some time off their work for a road trip together. It was mid-December now, as they traveled across the vast expanses of America so that they could visit Colm on his farm in Nebraska. They had woken up very early the morning before so that they could get bundled down in the car and miss the morning traffic out of New York City. The only drove for about eight hours at a time, stopping frequently so that Trassel could be walked and Kaz could stretch his leg out. They rotated drivers and music so that no one would get fed up with any one position.

Inej could just barely see what everyone was doing in the rear view mirror as she tried to keep her eyes on the road. She was driving today, she usually took the midday shift because that was when her restless energy got the better of her. Nina was in the seat next to her, weighted red stuffed dragon in her lap and snacks shoved into every pocket that side of the car had. Jesper was sitting directly behind Nina with his weighted lap blanket spread over his legs to keep him warm and the battery pack for his phone on top of that. Wylan was on the side behind Inej, his head leaning against the window and his pretty mouth open as he snored away. Kaz was in the middle so that he could stretch both of his legs out in front of him, vitally trying to stay awake despite the lack of sleep and soothing motion of the car getting to him. Matthias was in the one seat that remained in the back with Trassel’s bed covering the space where they could be brought up from the floor. The white dog was snoring soundly, sighing every so often when he got a head pat.

“Can you give me one of your Red Vines, please?” Nina asked, perking her lips out in a pout that Jesper was never able to resist.

It seemed this time was slightly different because he narrowed his eyes at her. He picked the candy up from where he had snuggled it into the pocket of the door and then bit into one. “Tell me why I should.”

“Because I’m your girlfriend and you like me very much?” she offered.

“You also have the rest of the snacks,” Kaz’s voice broke through the conversation before the real fight could break out.

Wylan jerked awake and then gave a dramatic yawn. Inej always thought it was so cute when he had taken his anti-nausea medicine. It made him sleepy in a way that no late nights in the lab or his office ever had, cuddly and flushed with warm from the floor heater of the car. “What’s going on?”

“Nina is trying to steal my snacks even though she is the ultimate snack thief!” Jesper squawked indignantly. He leaned around Kaz so that he was closer to Wylan, whispering conspiratorially. Kaz pursed his lips and raised his hands up into the air so that he could accommodate for the sudden lapful of boyfriend that he had been given.

“Nina is not a snack thief, she is the distributor,” Matthias shouted above them from the backseat. “Watch. Nina, my beautiful love, would you please pass me the bag of chips?”

“No,” she immediately replied.

Jesper and Wylan both cackled at that, flinging themselves away from Kaz so that he had some room to breath again. He seemed to miss their presence, if Inej had to guess.

“What? Why not?” Matthias scoffed.

Nina turned around so that she was able to look between Jesper and Kaz to address him properly, “Because every time I give you a snack you end up feeding half of it to Trassel. He has his food back there and we can’t keep feeding him human food or we’ll have to stop more often!”

“That might not be so bad,” Kaz grumbled as he shifted around in his seat.

Inej turned her head back to look at him, her free hand brushing over his knee. “Is it  bothering you today?”

“The extra space is good, but the lack of the heater in the middle sucks,” he grouched.

She gave him a sympathetic smile and then turned back to the road. The highway that they were on was taking a sharp turn, which meant that she had to focus on not getting too close to the guard rail. She was good at this, she drove for a half of what she did for a living, after all, so she wasn’t putting that much brain power into it. It was only when they came around the corner of the hill and saw what was waiting for them that she began to panic.

A semi, lights and horn blaring, was charging for them on the wrong side of the road. She swerved to the left, which also happened to be in the direction of the hill, just as the massive vehicle hit the side of their van. She felt the car that had been riding their ass all the way since the last gas station ram into them from behind. Both of the vehicles hitting them at once meant that there was nowhere for the energy of the crash to go but into them.

A scream tore through her throat as she felt the windshield break and shatter glass all over her body. A thousand tiny cuts formed on her face and her arms. She was pushed forward into the steering wheel so hard that she felt her arms dislocate from their sockets, unable to stay so close when her head and torso were being pushed in different directions.

Inej could barely even focus on herself despite the unbelievable amount of pain that she was in. She turned around so that she could see her lovers, to get some glimpse of them to make sure that they were okay. Nina was hunched over in her seat, her head smashed against the airbag that hadn’t gone off and smearing blood against the black matte. Kaz was groaning in the middle seat, his bag leg crunched up against his body and Jesper laying limply against his side. The aforementioned boy had been shoved so far forward that his head was essentially against the middle console, but it was then that Inej noticed the massive tree branch that had entered through Jesper’s window and existed through his upper chest. Wylan wasn’t making any noise other that spluttery coughs that sounded a little too wet to just be vomit. Trassel was in the very back, howling and barking as he too had been affected by the crash. Matthias was doing nothing to help him though, which meant that he was likely injured too.

“Matthias!” Inej shouted. He was the only one that she couldn’t see, the one that needed help. “Matthias!”

The semi-truck slowly backed up so that her side of the car was free to the open air, the freezing cold air of the winter. She just barely turned her head to the side despite the searing hot red pain that shot through her because of her dislocated shoulders to that she could see the door being opened.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t even see you guys coming!” the truck driver said as he unbuckled her seatbelt and then got her out of the car. 

He shouldn’t have done that, she knew that he should have left her for the EMTs to come and find. He didn’t have the training to know whether or not she had a neck injury that could kill her if she as moved too much. All she could say was, “You were driving on the wrong side of the road.”

“There was ice,” he tried, but she just spit out the blood that was pooling in her mouth from the busted lip she was sporting.

The man got up and removed the others from the van as well. Inej had been surrounded by enough death that she knew Nina was already gone. The defect that they had in their airbags had killed her, prevented her from having the cushion that she would have needed to survive. Her green eyes were glassy and her form was limp as candy wrappers and empty soda cans trailed after her.

Jesper was also gone, the tree branch squelching as he was dragged out of the van and laid down beside Nina. Kaz was still alive, but his legs were twisted in some horrendous mockery of what had happened to him when he was a child. Wylan was soon to be gone, his front was covered in foamy white bile and blood dripped from his mouth. Matthias was dead as well, completely stagnant and bleeding from the entire left side of his body.

The people in the car behind her had the decency to check for pulses, likely because of the EMTs that they were on the phone with. Soon the bodies were covered with the blankets that the truck driver found in the back of his car.

Kaz had started to mumble about Jordie, then his body began to seize. He didn’t stop, his head thrown back against the pavement and his mouth clenched shut. The people that had hit them from the other side tried to pry it open so that he could get some air around the convulsions, but they weren’t trained and they had no medication. Eventually, his entire body went lax. They were doing CPR on him to the instructions of the person on the other end of the phone, but Inej knew that he was gone. 

They were all gone, Wylan had already been covered up with another one of the blankets after he vomited up another bout of pinky foam and then went still.

“This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen,” Inej whispered. She could feel her own injuries getting to her the longer that she lay on the cold ground. She was shivering from the temperature of the asphalt, but that only made her hurt worse. She could feel bloating around her hips and stomach, likely because she was bleeding internally. “I’m so sorry.”

[gerrymike]

TLDR my plot points, this is the parlour room scene

Maxim died at the shadow fold, Sascha resurrected him through law bending magic (like the stories)

Sascha hates Ravkan nationalism probably cause she did watch her good friends corpse be carried home, among other things, and being 1) critical of the little palace crowd 2) really into science 3) hot for Nina Zenik, who lived through parem withdrawal to obtain bizarre scientifically remarkable powers, becomes convinced she can make cool new kinds of grisha

synthesises a variant of parem and deals it to her peers by tailoring herself new faces to hide her identity, selects a talented airbender (that’s not what it’s called) to test it on and inadvertently causes Sami’s death before he can transform in any way

Kuwei cracks the case and causes her to flee the little palace with her failed experiment

she salvages her experiment by having another twisted magic moment

presumably the came-back-wrong Sami has some fucked up facsimile of airbending, what he definitely has is a theme song though (indigo night by tamino)

sequel concepts: Kuwei hanging out with tidemaker and Dao? Sascha with a fked up new kind of grisha army? Dating sim for Kuwei featuring 1) your polar opposite (waterbender) (white) (ginger) 2) your old village bro who ruined your life by selling you out to the government 3) your old lab bro who feels like home even though you haven’t seen him in a year 4) your old school bro who hates you for outing him as not a wizard and also telling his brother that he was dead at one point 5) a corpse that is sincerely in love with you

My endgame was meant to be Ty and Kuwei actually because they’re sweet but now I think he should go with the corpse because Goddddaaaammmnnn

[goldengoddess]

you & the stars - jesper fahey

pairing: jesper fahey x reader 

request: Hii Could I request head-cannons for dating Jesper and getting hurt on a job. I love your work so much !!

a/n: thank you so much<3 oh my god i totally got carried away with this,,, this might be one of my favorite things i’ve written holy fuck so self indulgent because i love jesper with every part of me 

warnings: angst (but comfort at the end), bullet wounds, injury, blood, almost dying, curse words

you saw the blood before you felt the pain in your side. it dripped down your stomach and into your hands. and then came the horrible vision blurring pain that followed. black spots flowered in your vision as you fell to the floor on your knees. you clutched your stomach as if your two hands could stop the bleeding of a bullet hole.

this was meant to be an easy job. it was meant to be in and out. you and the crows had escaped the ice court, the hands of jan van eck, and the capture of multiple countries. a re con mission at a merchant party should have been a joke. it was meant to even be fun.

you had been looking forward to it for weeks. looking forward to dressing up. feeling nice fancy satin on your skin for one beautiful night. being able to see jesper all cleaned up and in a suit.

you had woken up that morning ready to let your fantasy world take over, to pretend that this job was just a date between you and your boyfriend. that you two fit into this world of luxury and ease, and not the world of street fights and bullet wounds.

how wrong your day dreaming had been, you thought to yourself.

you didn’t remember falling to the floor completely, but suddenly your back was pressed onto the street and you could see the night sky above you.

it was pitch black, filled with clouds of smoke and pollution, a staple of ketterdam.

you could vaguely hear voices calling your name in the distance, muffled by the roar of pain your body was in.

where were the stars, you wondered. i need to see the stars.

the tears in your eyes made it hard for you to see but suddenly jesper’s face appeared in your line of vision, followed by inej’s.

a string of curse words left jesper’s mouth as he gently cradled your head and upper body.

inej unwrapped her scarf and pressed it into the wound in your stomach. you winced in pain every time she moved or shook from fear.

“y/n, sweetheart, you have to stay with me” jesper pleaded.

he looked so worn out, so scared. his eyes were wide and sad. his mouth turned into a frown. you hated when jesper didn’t smile, his grin was just too bright for this world.

“please smile for me” you groaned. everything in your body hurt, your vision was blurry, and it was getting harder and harder to form coherent thoughts.

jesper’s frown only deepened as he rubbed your cheek with his thumb, “just stay with me please. i’ll smile for the rest of my life. just stay with me.”

you let out what you hoped was a little whine and not a blood curdling scream.

you guessed it was the latter as both inej and jesper looked at each other with wide eyes.

jesper started screaming nina’s name at the top of his lungs, his voice raw and desperate cracking at the end of each scream.

she won’t get here in time.

you used every ounce of energy your body had left to lift your hand up to jesper’s face.

your touch shocked him and he turned his attention back to your face, you in his arms. he leaned into your hand and you could see tears at the corner of his eyes.

“i love you.” you wheezed out, “i love you so much. you are the best person i’ve ever known. i need you to know that and remember that when i’m not there to tell you.”

his face grew angry at your words and his grip tightened on your body, “no. you are gonna be there. you’re gonna be there for the rest of my stupid life telling me how great i am and sometimes how obnoxious i can be. you are not allowed to die, we aren’t finished.”

you removed your hand from his face. the blood on your hands staining his cheek and shirt. jesper saw the blood on him and let out a small gasp. 

the sky caught your attention again.

no stars.

you wanted stars.

you registered the feeling of being lifted off the ground by jesper, his arms hooked under your knees and supporting you head at the same time.

he was walking as fast as he could without hurting you and every small protest of pain from your mouth squeezed at his heart.

you gripped his shirt, “jesper.”

he looked down at you and even scared and covered in your blood you couldn’t believe how beautiful he looked.

“what baby?” he asked as gently as possible, still moving towards, what you hoped, was the slat.

“the stars aren’t there” you said deliriously, resting your head on his chest, “i want to see the stars.”

“stay awake and i’ll take you to the stars sweetheart. just stay awake.” you heard him say before you closed your eyes and the world went silent.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you opened your eyes and you let out a sigh of relief at the familiar sight and smell of your room at the slat.

you craned your neck to the side, and you were met with nina zenik sitting in a chair with her head in her hands, mumbling prayers and nonsense.

“saints zenik, i never took you for the religious type” you teased, your voice coming out sounding wrong thanks to your scratchy throat.

her head snapped up and she rushed to your bed side, clutching your hand.

“oh you absolute idiot, you are not allowed to do that again. do you hear me?” she threatened.

you let out a little laugh, “or what zenik?”

her eyes got sad all of a sudden and she squeezed your hand gently, like if we squeezed just the right way she could transfer all of her love and strength to you. “im sorry i couldn’t get there earlier. by the time you got to me i thought there was nothing i could do.” she sighed and puffed out her chest slightly, “but this is me we’re talking about so of course i fixed you right up. but i didn’t have time to worry about the beauty of all of it so it’ll leave a pretty nasty scar.”

you nodded your head as she talked. you had assumed as much, everything in your body was sore but you were happy that it wasn’t screaming in pain like before.

“god jesper was about to kill me dead as i worked on you, i swear he was so worried and pissed he would have bitch slapped me right there in front of the crows and- oh my god jesper!?” she shrieked the last part.

she got off the floor and opened the door, “jes! get your ass up here.”

she turned back to you, “y/n he was here the entire time. we finally convinced him to go get something to eat i promise. he’s going to be so angry he wasn’t here when you woke up.”

and even thought you’d almost died, the thought of jesper waiting at your bedside made you blush.

nina noticed and rolled her eyes, “yuck, the two of you are so in love it hurts.”

suddenly jesper was at the door, his breathing labored making it very clear that he had run up the stairs at full speed to get to your room.

nina gave you a small smile before slipping out of the room and closing the door.

jesper was at your side before you could blink. his forehead pressed into your arm as he held the same hand nina had held only a few minutes ago.

he kept repeating “you’re okay” and “i’m so sorry” over and over. and you couldn’t speak. because you couldn’t believe you had this beautiful boy in your life and you were making him worry.

you lifted his head so he was looking at you and you placed your hand on his cheek. you got a horrible sense of deja vu. jesper felt it too because he immediately tensed. you pulled your hand away and when you both saw there was no blood, you put it back.

“jes, you incredible idiot, this is not your fault. you don’t have to say sorry. i’m okay. i’m still here. we are okay.”

you punctuated each word to make him really get it. you couldn’t live with yourself if this moment destroyed the happy boy that you had fallen in love with.

he let out a breath and motioned for you to make room in the bed. you wiggled to one side, wincing a little bit. jesper climbed in and you rested your head on his shoulder as he played with your fingers.

“don’t ever scare me like that again” he grumbled.

you laughed and jokingly responded with “no sorry babe i can’t promise that, i just love getting shot in the stomach. quiet enjoyed it”

he glared at you for a second before laughing with you.

he traced a little heart into your palm with his pointer finger. “you’re my favorite person in this world. i couldn’t live without you.”

“then you’re lucky you don’t have to” you hummed in response.

“yeah i am, who would annoy the crap out of me if not” he teased.

you giggled into his shoulder and left a little kiss.

“when you’re feeling better, you know, not on the brink of death by bullet, i’m going to take you to novyi zem.” you looked up at him, shocked because jesper had never suggested visiting his home country. but he was still looking at your fingers like his life depended on it. “we’re going to spend a week at my da’s farm and we’ll stay up all night looking at the stars and making up stories.” he said. it didn’t sound like a request but more like a plea. like he had to give this to you.

you only vaguely recalled mentioning the stars and jesper holding you in his arms but you nodded your head anyways.

“as much as i’m incredibly excited for that, i already have the brightest star right here.” you grinned, tapping his nose.

he rolled his eyes and kissed the crown of your head, “cheesy sweetheart. even for you.”

[swanimagines]

SAFE | KAZ BREKKER

Fandom: Shadow and Bone

Summary: Kaz is trying to comfort Y/N over her father's death.

Characters: Y/N (female), Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, also Wylan Van Eck because based on fics I have read from others, he's a sweetie.

A/N: This is basing itself on my current life situation and is basically a self-insert, but I'm still calling her Y/N to keep it somehow open to everyone. I'm NOT describing the reader's appearance in any way though as I know how annoying that is, but her personality and way to think might be more me, also the way events proceed in this is mostly based on real events. I just felt like I needed to write this for comfort. I hope you don't mind.

Warnings: mentions of reader's father's death, mentions of alcoholism, angst (hurt/comfort), soft!Kaz

Word count: 1.9k

The news had come that morning. On previous night, your father had finally succumbed to Death after a long battle with drinking too much.

Kaz had closed the Crow Club for the day to allow the Crows and your friends in the Dregs to spend time with you in peace. You had had a temptation to lock yourself to your bedroom and be alone, but on the other hand you knew it wouldn't be wise, you needed support right now, to be with your friends. You knew your friends wouldn’t be pushing you, and just them sitting with you could make it feel better.

Only that you didn't really feel anything about it. You knew you were in shock, even when you had known to expect it. After your grandparents and uncle had died, your father had just plummeted down the path alcohol showed him, and even when his friends had tried to help him, even when you had tried to help him, even Kaz had tried to help him by sending out a word to every bartender and shopkeeper that your father can't drink, he always seemed to find a new bottle somewhere.

You had known it for the past four years that your father wouldn't have much time left, alcohol had too strong grip of him. He wouldn't accept help, he knew he needed help and that he had a problem, but he was too ashamed of it. He tried to get better on his own, he cooked and cleaned his home, it was always tidy when you visited him. But a battle with alcohol isn’t easy, and even less so if you attempted to fight alone. And that was his doom in the end.

He hadn't even recognized you at first when you visited the hospital, you had to tell him who you were. He had hugged you while crying and you still felt his forehead against your lips as you showered him in kisses, telling him over and over again that you love him and that you aren't mad at him for anything like he seemed to think. You were mad at alcohol, not at him. You remembered your mom telling him that his values had gone up a bit. Your father’s voice had held a tingle of hope in his response, and it echoed in your head over and over again. How for just a moment, he had hoped that he’d survive. Maybe he had even believed in surviving.

It took a week from that moment, and his body finally gave up.

You shifted in your seat, yawning as you felt tiredness coming through. You didn’t want to go to sleep, but you couldn’t fall to sleep at the table either so you looked up to your friends.

“Thank you for the company, guys, but I feel like I need to go to sleep now.” you muttered, thoughtlessly tapping your glass of water in your hands. Everyone nodded, and you felt Nina pulling you to her embrace.

“If you need comfort, you can come to our room at any hour. Matthias is grumpy if he’s woken up too early, but he’ll understand.” she said and you offered her a tiny smile, glancing at Matthias beside her as he nodded in agreement.

“Thank you, Nina.” you whispered, closing your eyes for a moment as you leaned into her. And after you pulled away, you looked around the table. “Thank you everyone for being such good friends.”

“Of course, we care about you.” Jesper said as he linked hands with you for a moment and looked at Wylan, who offered you a reassuring smile too. “We’ll always be here for you.”

Inej took a hold of your other hand, tracing slow circles at the back of it. “And if someone ever makes fun of the situation or tries to make you feel bad with using it, come to me and I’ll teach them a lesson.”

You nodded, knowing what she was referring to. “Thank you.”

You rose up from the table, looking around everyone one last time before you made your way upstairs. You dug up your key from your pocket and positioned it to the lock. You heard Kaz coming after you and assumed he was on his way to the attic as everyone else was going to sleep now. But then you heard him stopping behind you.

“Y/N,” Kaz quietly said, and you turned your head to his direction, still pointing your key towards the lock of your door. Kaz looked at you for a moment and took in a long sigh. “Come with me.”

He turned around to make his way to the stairs, and you frowned in confusion. It was late and everyone was going to sleep, except for Kaz probably. Then it dawned to you, sometimes Kaz asked you to come up late at night to hear your opinion about the next heist for some reason.

“Can’t it wait until the morning?” you muttered, and Kaz stopped, turning to look at you. “I’m exhausted. It’s been a long day. I really don’t feel like listening to your plans and schemes right now, no offense.”

Kaz shook his head slightly, and you frowned again. “I’m not asking you to come up because of any plans. Just come with me.”

You looked at your key, thought about your warm, soft bed but ultimately sighed and turned around, following Kaz to the attic. He held the door for you, and soon you were standing in his room. Kaz looked at you with an unreadable expression, before he nodded towards his bed. “You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“You want us to sleep in the same bed?” you let out a disbelieving huff, but Kaz shook his head.

“I can take the sofa tonight. I just want to make sure you’ll be alright.” he told you and you cocked your head. Sure, the Crows had teased you before, saying that Kaz had a soft spot for you, but this was the first time when he actually showed it to you this openly. You took in a shaky breath as you felt your heart starting to beat faster.

Could it be true? Did Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel, like you? You had had a crush on him for years, sure, but you had tried to push it down for the sake of not breaking your heart since the man didn’t really show feelings to anyone, some even said he was incapable of such fondness you call love. That all he cared about was revenge and kruge. But here he was, telling you that he doesn’t want you to be alone and offered you his bed while he’d sleep on the sofa next to his bed. The thought made your heart flutter and cheeks heat up.

“Okay.” you finally breathed out and immediately wanted to slap yourself for not being able to control your voice, but Kaz didn't seem to notice.

“You can get comfortable. I have to do a bit of work, but you can call for me if you need anything.” Kaz said and turned around, making his way to his worktable. You stripped to your nightwear and carefully slid under the black covers. Kaz’s scent on the sheets soothed you in some way, and you were quick in falling to sleep for once.

Kaz didn’t do much that night. Well, not much to his standards. He just marked some papers which he should check and got rid of the useless ones. And when he finally made his way back to his bedroom, he saw you sleeping peacefully in his bed. He looked at your form for a bit, before carefully sitting at the edge of his bed and found himself wanting to put his gloved hand on your cheek, or brush a strand of your hair back. He frowned at the feeling.

He remembered losing Jordie, he had been in shock for weeks after that too. He had never really cried for him, but it hitting had made him the way he was, because he had just buried his feelings deep under to rise from the ashes. But he didn’t want you to become like him, he didn’t want you to harden yourself over it. He wanted you to take your time with it, receiving affection and support. Kaz hadn’t received it back when he was nine years old through the rules of the Barrel, but you had a different story. You had friends and love around you, ready to catch you if needed.

And to others, Kaz came through as heartless and feared, people thought he would be ready to sacrifice anything and anyone for his own profit. But the truth was that you held his heart in your hands. Even when you didn’t know it. He would have killed anyone for you, give up all his fortunes and achievements if it meant that you’d be safe. And for years, he had hated it how you had made him care about you, made him need you. How he made up continuous excuses why he wanted to spend more time with you, most often by asking you to come up to the attic with him to go over a plan. He knew it was silly and he knew he could just tell you how he felt, the rest of the Crows had told him that too, but he was scared that you would get scared and leave him. Or then people would start using you as a pawn once they found out. But now when he sat there beside you, he didn’t hate the feeling, he wasn't afraid. He wanted you to feel loved. Loved by him.

There was a few obstacles which made Kaz wonder if your relationship would ever work. You liked touch, and he was terrified of it. You loved hugs and cuddles, physical affection. And Kaz wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to give you that as a whole. He had watched you sitting on the sofa, laughing as Jesper tickled you and held you against his chest to prevent you from escaping and he had caught you falling to sleep against Nina’s shoulder, and he always found himself thinking that he wanted to make you laugh like Jesper did or let you use his shoulder as a pillow, take off his jacket and give it to you as a blanket.

Maybe time would tell. But now, you needed his support just as much as you needed the rest of the Crows. You wouldn’t be alone like he had been, and you would make it through. Kaz stared at a loose strand of your hair on your face which he had noticed moments earlier, and with a clench of his jaw, he managed to bring his hand to reach out and very slowly and carefully brushed it back behind your ear, careful with not touching your skin. He even found himself smiling slightly, before he got up from the bed, wincing slightly as it creaked. You didn’t wake up, something good from your incredible sleeping skills. Kaz then took a pillow and a blanket from the drawer, before he laid down on the sofa, looking at you one last time before he closed his eyes.

You would be safe tonight on his watch.

---

IMPORTANT: Reblogs and feedback/comments are more important than just likes, just a reminder :) Tumblr has been built on sharing unlike Instagram for example, and its algorithm doesn't work properly from likes. Especially if you're on my taglist, I would appreciate if you commented on or reblogged my works even once in a while, a lot of you just leave likes but never anything else and ngl, that's not very encouraging with my inspiration and writing more. :/ For example, this took me like 4 hours in total and receiving only likes feels discouraging, even 1 nice comment makes me 100x happier than 100 likes.

[bonniebird]

.

Halloween 2020 Masterlist

+  If this is a joke I’ll kill you.

- Requested by: @adhdnightmare

-  Thor x Reader

.

+  “I'm guessing (Name) is the one in the neighborhood who gives the trick-or-treaters some toothbrushes.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Pietro Maximoff x Reader

.

+  “I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.“

- Requested by: Anon

- Natasha Romanoff x Reader

.

+  "I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood."

- Requested by: Anon

- Natasha Romanoff x Reader

.

+  “I am commanding. Calmly, but commanding. No more witchcraft.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Bella Swan x Reader

.

+  “Should I be concerned about you causing me any trouble?“

- Requested by: Anon

- Rosalie Hale x Reader

.

+  “I just think a lot of undead roaming the streets could lead to problems. For instance, farmers’ markets selling actual farmers.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Rosalie Hale x Reader

.

+ “The witches are coming.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Wanda Maximoff x Reader

.

+  “But please don’t ever do that again. Use magic with me. Or on me, or near me. Never again.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Wanda Maximoff x Reader

.

+  “First rule of witch club: don’t talk about witch club.”

- Requested by: @nervousfandom

- Rebekah Mikaelson x Reader x Theo Raeken

.

+  You bring him back or I'll make your life miserable for you. And you know I can do it.

- Requested by: Anon

- Sweet Pea x Reader

.

+  “How can you reject a holiday where you can serve candy from a salad bowl?“

- Requested by: Anon

- Sweet Pea x Reader

.

+ “I'm guessing (Name) is the one in the neighborhood who gives the trick-or-treaters some toothbrushes.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Sweet Pea x Reader

.

+ “She used to tell me that a full moon was when mysterious things happen and wishes come true.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Reggie Mantle x Reader

.

+  “Do you have any other emergency werewolf contacts?”

- Requested by: Anon

- Sweet Pea x Reader

.

+  “Good. No fangs yet. You’re doing fine. Your ears aren’t even pointed yet.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Sweet Pea x Reader

.

+  I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!

- Requested by: Anon

-  Reggie Mantle x Reader

.

+  “Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Peter Rumancek x Reader

.

+  “I’m the guy that’s gonna save your ass.”

- Requested by: @samdeancass

- Dean Winchester x Reader

.

+  “Shh, I’m Googling sex spells.”

- Requested by: @samdeancass

- Sam Winchester x Reader

.

+  “Who hired you? Who do you work for, the pizza man?”

- Requested by: @samdeancass

- Castiel x Reader

.

+  “Something’s out of whack.“

- Requested by: Anon

- Clary Fray x Reader

.

+  “It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Peter Rumancek x Reader

.

+  I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed.

- Requested by: @xxxtwilightaxelxxx​

- Nina Zenik x Reader

.

+  “Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Luke Garroway x Reader

.

+  “I knew something came through the portal.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Magnus Bane x Reader

.

+  “You are too precious for words, why I could just… eat you alive!”

- Requested by: Anon

- Vampire!Fangs Fogarty x Reader

.

+  “What you did was witchcraft, premeditated and uncalled for… merely to irritate me.”

- Requested by: @why-am-i-cryingemojiface

- Vicor Zsasz x Reader

.

+  “I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Ray Palmer x Reader

.

+  “We don’t like you. Now, shut up and help us.”

- Requested by: @fandom-life-12​

- Stiles Stilinski x Witch!Reader

.

+  “I am, what psychiatrists call, alpha male.”

- Requested by: @fandom-life-12​

- Stiles Stilinski x Witch!Reader

.

+  “It’s so sweet. He looks just like a little entrée.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Lucien Castle x Reader

.

+  “How can you reject a holiday where you can serve candy from a salad bowl?“

- Requested by: Anon

- Stiles Stilinski x Reader

.

+   “What can a teen wolf do?”

- Requested by: Anon

- Nicholas Scratch x Reader

.

+   "We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!" 

- Requested by: Anon

- Donna Hanscum x Reader

.

+   Halloween Moodboard 

- Requested by: Anon

-   Jo Harvelle x Reader

.

+   “I've made a huge mistake”

- Requested by: Anon

-   Clary Fray x Reader

.

+   “I am, what psychiatrists call, an alpha male”

- Requested by: Anon

- Tyler Lockwood x Reader

.

+   "Every day is halloween, isn't it? For some of us" 

- Requested by: Anon

-   Malec + Reader x Reader

.

+   "After zero consideration I'm gonna say Hard Pass"

- Requested by: @alwaysadreamingoptimist​

- Anthony Bridgerton x Reader

.

+   “Time for the real Halloween show to begin”

- Requested by: Anon

-  Prudence Night x Male werewolf!Reader x Bonnie Bennett x Reader

.

+ “You know how I think Halloween is for jerks? Well, this Halloween, I was the jerk. I’m sorry about tonight.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Derek Hale x Reader

.

+ “All right, you’re surrounded. Throw down your magic, and come out with your hands up.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Daenerys Targaryen  x Reader

.

+   If you're looking for an ass to kiss, it's mine

- Requested by: Anon

- Tyler Lockwood x Reader

.

+ ''Bitch I will eat you''

- Requested by: Anon

- Vampire!Sweet Pea  x Reader

.

+  ''She annoyed me so I killed her and buried her in the yard''

- Requested by: Anon

- Vampire!Sweet Pea  x Reader

.

+ “We are almost certain that ghouls and werewolf are occupying high position at city hall''

- Requested by: Anon

- Vampire!Jughead  x Reader

.

+   ''We're dead. Not freaks''

- Requested by: Anon

- Vampire!Fangs Fogarty  x Reader

.

+ "What you did was witchcraft, premeditated and uncalled for...merely to irritate me"

- Requested by: Anon

- Draco Malfoy x Reader

.

+ “Can someone explain why it looks like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre has been nailed to our door?”

- Requested by: Anon

- Lip Gallagher x Reader

.

+ “I’m the guy who’s gonna save your ass.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Dean Winchester x Reader

.

+  “It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.” 

- Requested by: Anon

- Roman Godfrey x Reader

.

+ ''This is ridiculous. What could be scarier than one of us''

- Requested by: Anon

- Werewolf!Reggie Mantle x Reader

.

+ “Oh, so your plan is to not take this seriously at all?” 

- Requested by: Anon

- Stiles Stilinski x Reader

.

+ “You only have one super power, and it is your breasts.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Stiles Stilinski x Reader

.

+ “Please tell me you did that for dramatic effect.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Stiles Stilinski x vampire!Reader x Kai Parker

.

+  “Vampires pretending to be humans pretending to be vampires … How avant-garde!”

- Requested by: @josiesgemini​

- Josie Saltzman x Mikaelson!Reader

.

+ “This isn’t what I meant by Halloween spirit.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Carlisle Cullen x Reader

.

+ “I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Stiles Stilinski x Reader

.

+  “I can't believe this is one of the last things I'm ever gonna see.“

- Requested by: Anon

- Stiles Stilinski x Reader

.

+ “Can someone kill him again, please?”

- Requested by: Anon

- Kaz Brekker x Reader

.

+ “We are on the murder house tour, for God’s sakes.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Kaz Brekker x Reader

.

+ “This is going to be the best Halloween yet.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Kaz Brekker x Reader

.

+ “I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Spencer Reid x Reader

.

+ “Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Spencer Reid x Reader

.

+ “What you did was witchcraft, premeditated and uncalled for… merely to irritate me.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Theo Raeken x Reader

.

+ “No dice. I’m going to have to trick you.”

- Requested by: Anon

-  Daenerys Targaryen x Reader

.

+ "It's Halloweek. I do the full seven days"

- Requested by: Anon

-  Sirius Black x Reader

.

+  “Should I be concerned about you causing me any trouble?“

- Requested by: Anon

- Hannibal Lecter x Reader

.

+ “I’ve been digging so many graves, I’m in the best shape of my life. I can even eat cake for breakfast.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Dean Winchester x Reader

.

+  “Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Daphne Bridgerton x Reader

.

+ “It’s Halloweek. I do the full seven days.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Charlie Bradbury x Reader

.

+  Halloween with Peter Rumancek Moodboard

- Requested by: Anon

- Peter Rumancek x Reader

.

+  "We can have our own Halloween here"

- Requested by: Anon

- Oliver Wood x Reader

.

+  Halloween with Oliver Wood Moodboard

- Requested by: Anon

- Oliver Wood x Reader

.

+ "How can you reject a holiday where you can serve candy from a salad bowl?"

- Requested by: Anon

- Stiles Stilinski  x Reader

.

+ “I have a feeling that you’re way off on this.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Jordan Parrish  x Reader

.

+ “She used to tell me that a full moon was when mysterious things happen and wishes come true.” 

- Requested by: Anon

- Jimmy Darling  x Reader

.

+ Spending Halloween with Brett Talbot - moodboard

- Requested by: Anon

- Brett Talbot x Reader

.

+ “You know what they say about (Town). No one who dies here ever really dies.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Vampire!Fangs  x Reader

.

+  “Murder! On Halloween!?”

- Requested by: Anon

- Scott McCall  x Reader

.

+ “Do You Like Scary Movies?”

- Requested by: Anon

- Scott McCall  x Reader

.

+  “Does my costume look spooky to you?”

- Requested by: Anon

- Wanda Maximoff  x Reader

.

+ “They’re embarrassed about their spells not working anymore.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Wanda Maximoff  x Reader

.

+ “He stepped on my pumpkin!”

- Requested by: Anon

- Wanda Maximoff  x Reader

.

+ Halloween with Sirius Black - moodboard

- Requested by: Anon

- Sirius Black  x Reader

.

+  Halloween with Derek Hale - moodboard

- Requested by: Anon

- Derek Hale  x Reader

.

+ “Oh yes, there will be blood.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Tyler Lockwood  x Reader

.

+ “When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Jordan Parrish x Reader

.

+ “I need help carving these pumpkins.“

- Requested by: Anon

- Sam Wilson x Reader

.

+  “After zero consideration, I’m happy to say, “hard pass."”

- Requested by: Anon

- Johnny storm x Reader

.

+  “I have a heart I keep it in a jar on my desk”

- Requested by: Anon

- Sweet Pea x Reader

.

+  “Do you like scary movies”

- Requested by: Anon

- Reggie Mantle x Reader

.

+ “You only have one super power and it is your breasts.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Alcide Herveaux x Reader

.

+ “She annoyed me, so I killed her and buried her in the yard.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Vampire!Fangs x Reader

.

+ ''I'm the guy who is gonna save your ass''

- Requested by: Anon

- Charles Vane x Reader

.

+ ''Oh yes there will be blood.''

- Requested by: Anon

- Vampire!Billy Hargrove x Reader

.

+ ''Should I be concerned about you causing me any trouble''

- Requested by: Anon

- Reanimated Brett x Reader

.

+ “That was a mean, low, sneaky, underhanded trick!”

- Requested by: Anon

- Peter Rumancek x Reader

.

+ “Please tell me you did that for dramatic effect.” 

- Requested by: Anon

- Jordan Parrish x Reader

.

+  Halloween with David Powers Moodboard

- Requested by: Anon

- David Powers  x Reader

.

+   ''Yeah well you being happy isn’t really a big priority of mine since you stab me 20 times with knives. '

- Requested by: Anon

- Billy Hargrove x Reader

.

+  "We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!”

- Requested by: Anon

- Stiles Stilinski x Reader

.

+  “I've made a huge mistake“

- Requested by: Anon

- Bonnie McCullough x Reader

.

+ “I see dead people”   

- Requested by: Anon

- Clary Fray x Male Reader x Allison Argent

.

+  “Don't Kill Anyone until we get back to you”

- Requested by: Anon

-  Female Hunter!Reader x Scott McCall

.

+  ''I could not have been more clearly talking to the dog''

- Requested by: Anon

- Sweet Pea x Reader

.

+  ''Should i be concerned about you causing me any trouble?''

- Requested by: Anon

- Theo Raeken x Platonic!Reader

.

+  “Shh, I’m googling sex spells.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Alcide Herveaux x Reader

.

+  “No dice I'm going to have to trick you”

- Requested by: Anon

- Nicholas Scratch x woc!reader x Reader

.

+  “I'll be a good little witch”

- Requested by: Anon

- Tyler Lockwood x Reader

.

+  Halloween with Peter Hale moodboard

- Requested by: Anon

- Peter Hale x Reader

.

+  “I don’t understand this power. But I will.”

- Requested by: Anon

- General Alexander Kirigan x Reader

.

+   “I know it's last minute, but we've decided to have a Halloween party.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Faith Lehane x Reader

.

+ “Do You Like Scary Movies?”

- Requested by: Anon

- Faith Lehane x Reader

.

+ “Maybe it’s another witch?”

- Requested by: Anon

- Faith Lehane x Reader

.

+ “Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?”

- Requested by: Anon

- Cheryl Blossom x Reader

.

+ “I’m not trick-or-treating this year. I’m too old.“

- Requested by: Anon

- Jason Todd x Reader

Bonus Fics for Halloween day:

.

+ ''wow you look so ghostly''

- Requested by: Anon

- Fangs Fogarty x Reader

.

+ “Do you have any other werewolf emergency contact?”

- Requested by: Anon

- Sam Emerson x Reader

.

+ “When you turn into a bat where do your clothes go?”

- Requested by: Anon

- Vampire!Billy Hargrove x Reader

.

+  “'No you weren't part of this. Go back to the loser side loser''

- Requested by: Anon

- Sweet Pea x Reader

.

+ Halloween with Michael Emerson - moodboard

- Requested by: Anon

- Michael Emerson x Reader

.

+ Halloween with Billy Hargrove - moodboard 

- Requested by: Anon

- Billy Hargrove x Reader

.

+ “Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn.”

- Requested by: Anon

- Scott McCall x Reader

[usmsgutterson]

Sometimes- Jesper Fahey x male! reader

If you haven’t yet, I recommend that you read part one of this series, as this series is not a standalone! I also didn’t mention it in the first part because, to be honest, it completely slipped my mind, but each part will be from a different perspective. Last chapter it was Jespers pov, this chapter it’ll be the readers

Fic type- this one will remain fluffy enough until close to the end, wherein it becomes a hurt/comfort kind of situation. I really don’t know how to describe it, honestly

Warnings- as far as chapter specific warnings go, I don’t think that there are any! Let me know I’m wrong about this and I’ll correct it as soon as I see the notification!

y / n l / n 

“Have you told him yet?” Nina asked. Y/N blinked, a little surprised. It was barely seven bells, and Nina Zenik was already asking the difficult questions. “That you love him?”

“I’ve tried,” said Y/N. “Every time I try to, I freeze up. I tried to tell him I loved him at dinner last night.” Nina smiled.

“And what did you say instead?”

“I loved the kvas that I ordered on a whim,” said Y/N. “That kvas was the grossest rendition of the drink I’ve ever tasted.” Nina laughed, not even trying to hide it.

“Just tell him,” said Nina. “It’s a lot easier that way, Y/N.”

“You’re making it sound plenty more easy than it actually is,” he pointed out.

“You’ll say it when it matters,” said Nina, shrugging as she spoke. “Be it immediately before you go into a life threatening mission on Kaz’s behalf or minutes before your own death.”

“Thanks, Nina,” said Y/N, laughing a bit at her words. “I appreciate it.”

“Jesper makes you happy,” she said. “I haven’t seen you genuinely happy in far too long, Y/N.”

Nina turned on her heels, exiting Y/Ns room. 

“Just,” she paused at the door. “Tell him before it’s too late, Y/N. We’re Barrel trash, the lot of us. There are missions that Kaz sends us on wherein coming back completely intact isn’t a guarantee. If I were in your shoes and found that the love of my life wasn’t coming home, if I had to forever deal with the fact that he never heard me tell him I loved him, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

For a moment, Y/N thought of Matthias, recalling that he was house hunting in the city. He and Nina were planning on buying a place somewhere in Ketterdam so that they could have a home to go back to between visits to Fjerda to try and convert the citizens into supporters of Grisha, rather than one of their many enemies.

“Thank you,” he said.

“You’re welcome, of course,” said Nina.

As she spoke, she left, and all that Y/N could do was fall back onto his mattress, grimacing as the hardened memory foam cracked and crumbled with the impact of his body.

—

“Anything from Kaz?” Y/N found himself asking Jesper that night. They were sitting at the bar, Jesper drinking a bourbon where Y/N chose not to drink anything.

“A heist in Fjerda,” said Jesper. “Sixty thousand kruge for the offering.”

“Only sixty thousand?” Y/N asked. “Bloody hell.”

“It’s back at the Ice Court,” said Jesper. “I warned him against it, asked him to ask for more money in the least, but he’s not budged. Somethings happened and he’s being reckless.”  

“Kaz Brekker isn’t the reckless type,” said Y/N.

“Not normally,” said Jesper. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“Perhaps he’s just decided to be an idiot for a while,” Y/N suggested with a shrug. 

Jesper laughed, and the conversation moved forward.

Y/N got his drink of choice and silence lapsed between him and Jesper.

I love you, he wanted to say.

“Good luck, Jesper.” is what he said instead.

Jesper just grinned as he stood.

“I’ve got to run an errand with Wylan. See you in a bit?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Illuminated, pt.2

Summary: Seeing an old friend isn’t always a happy occasion, but it can direct you to someone who undoubtedly makes your heart beat faster.

Warnings: talk of war and death, book spoilers

Part 1   

=================================

It felt strange to be walking the same halls she once revered. Y/N had barely grown at all since her time at Little Palace, if anything she'd claim she got shorter, but the walls didn't seem as intimidating as they used to.

Back then, she was just a clueless girl with dreams that turned into nightmares. The war had left deep wounds everywhere in Ravka and for that, Y/N would curse Alina Starkov's name until her dying breath.

Ravka trusted Alina to rescue them from the darkness, but she only expanded it. She fled from her responsibility and responded with force when General Kirigan asked for accountability.

Y/N was considered too young to be allowed in battle, sent away by the Darkling with children who have not yet mastered their particular branch of small science. Grisha a year older than her were given the chance to protect Ravka, something she wished she could have done. 

If it were up to her, she'd have stood by him instead of hiding.

Y/N had always been quite capable of controlling her power. Whether it be fire, wind or water, she held a firm grasp over all three elements with an iron fist and a terrifyingly sharp mind. She had developed attacks no one else is capable of, the kind that made other Grisha wary of her ferocity.

Naturally, she assumed that was why General Kirigan had called on her. The last thing she expected was to have the General, her King, admire the abominable blue flames she wields.

"Y/N?" A breathless reminder of a voice she once knew had stopped her in her tracks.

Looking over her shoulder, Y/N's lips break into a wide smile at the sight of her old friend and confidant.

She didn't waste time, running toward the girl who had fiery hair Y/N always wanted to have too. Colliding with Genya, Y/N couldn't stop a laugh that escaped her as she wrapped her arms around her much taller friend.

“I. Can’t. Breathe!” Genya manages to say between shallow, strained breaths. 

Chuckling, Y/N releases her from the death grip she calls a hug. She’s never been subtle in showing affection, or hate.

“I can’t believe it’s you!” Y/N exclaims, her attempt to quiet down failing before she even tries.

With a surprised smile set on her lips, Genya nods. “I didn’t realize you’d be at Little Palace.”

Faltering, Y/N licks her lips as her smile is erased. “You don’t seem too happy about that.”

“Little Palace isn’t exactly the safest place in Ravka anymore”, Genya musses.

Scoffing, Y/N furrows her eyebrows. “Alina made it unsafe.” Lifting her chin, Y/N continues, “The Darkling will protect us.”

Pursing her lips, Genya looks around carefully to ensure they’re alone. “That’s the problem. While he’s here, no one is safe.” Taking Y/N by the elbow, she pulls her aside toward the open window to help disguise their voices from any curious listeners. “Alina was our only hope of killing him.”

Ripping her arm away from Genya’s hold, Y/N narrows her eyes at the friend she once trusted more than anyone else in this world. When there was no hope, Genya put a smile on her face. Even when Y/N was losing herself, she had Genya to remind her of who she is.

She never doubted her friend, never questioned her loyalty or sanity. Until now. 

“Genya, who did you fight alongside with?” Y/N asks sharply, her lips forming a thin line.

“You don’t know the entire story”, Genya tries but Y/N steps away as if she’d been burned.

The war had made warriors from children for no matter how they tried to protect their innocence, war leaves no one untouched. When Alina Starkov decided to turn her back on Grisha, Y/N and many others have been forced to grow up far too quickly. No silly crushes or petty arguments mattered for the blood had reached them once Alina slaughtered Botkin in front of them. It was the only taste of war Y/N had for she had killed for the first time on that day. 

Alina is the reason she has blood on her hands.

“The story I do know is enough for me”, Y/N huffs as she shakes her head at Genya. “The fact our General did not kill you is proof of his generosity. Perhaps you should learn to appreciate him. Your precious Alina never showed such mercy.”

Turning her back on Genya, Y/N headed back. She didn’t want to explore the old corridors anymore, but to bathe and sleep. From tomorrow on, she’ll be working with Kirigan on her new ability and she didn’t want to display any reasons for him to distrust her.

She pauses as Genya speaks up.

“I wonder what will get you killed faster – your loyalty or stubbornness?”

Turning her head to the left, Y/N could see her old friend in her peripheral vision. “At least I’ll die for something I believe in. I’ll die for Ravka. Can you say the same?”

Fuming, Y/N tossed and turned in her bed. She turned the pillow to the colder side, she even tried turning her head on the opposite side of the headboard, but nothing could calm her mind or the itching to use her powers to blow off some steam.

The one part of herself she truly did connect with the Inferni was the temper she often got in trouble for. When Nina Zenik called her stupid, she burned off her eyebrows and Botkin forced her to wake up at the crack of dawn and do sprints for the next month as punishment. It’s probably the only time in her life she was truly in good form.

Grunting, she raised her legs and slammed them back on the mattress in frustration. Tossing the blanket off, she grabbed her blue kefta and left the room. 

Her footsteps echo the halls as she all but runs out, straight into the foggy morning air outside. The cold pinches her skin, her lips trembling for a moment before she sinks her front teeth into her bottom lip. Her breaths come in visible puffs of air as she wraps her arms around her middle while securing her hands under her armpits to stop herself from using her power that’s calling to her like the siren song calls sailors to their certain death.

Y/N always had the misfortune of wearing her heart on her sleeve with those she cares for. She also has a nasty tendency to either feel nothing or everything at once and when someone she loves turns out to be different than what she believed, it causes an uncontrollable explosion of emotion deep within.

“Is there a particular reason you’re outside at this ungodly hour?” A deep voice makes her gasp as she turns to look at the very person she most admires.

Raising her eyebrows, she nearly laughed as she realized the Darkling wore not his kefta, but the clothes he sleeps in. It’s loose clothing, black as his kefta and horse and yet it gives off a softness she did not realize a man as powerful as him could ever possess.

“I’d ask you the same, General”, she retorts with her eyebrows still raised as if she’s challenging him to come closer and make her stop ogling him.

For a moment, she thought he might turn away and leave as he stood there calmly. It feels as if he’s studying her, taking in every inch of her and committing it to memory. If it were any other man, Y/N would have spoken up or acted out to prevent the uncomfortable feeling of being watched so intimately, yet she didn’t want Kirigan to ever stop looking at her. If not for her fear of being too forward, she’d invite him closer.

As if he read her mind, Kirigan takes a step closer….and then another one. She can’t help but wonder what’s going through his mind. 

What does he see when he looks at her? 

How does she look in his eyes, because the way he’s looking at her now is taking her breath away?

He looks at her as if there is something worth looking at.

“Sometimes my mind turns on me”, he admits in a low, quiet tone that Y/N has to strain to hear him properly. “I’ve lived a long life and a longer one awaits me. My mind is full of ghosts that want retribution for what I did to them.”

Swallowing thickly, she straightens her back as she comes closer – close enough to feel his breath as it fans the hair at the top of her head.

“What did you do to them?”

The left corner of his lips twitches. “You’d think ill of me if I told you.”

Averting her gaze to his bare chest revealed by the wind as it pulled the fabric of his shirt, Y/N licks her lips. She argues with herself on her next move, wondering if it would be improper to touch the man who had been considered untouchable by everyone she ever met. Her fingers years to feel his skin under their tips, to slowly trail the jawline she wants to press her lips against.

Frowning softly, she bites her lower lip as she locks her eyes on his dark ones. Unlike many before her, she does not crumble under the weight of his heavy gaze. Her heart trembles as she reaches out and places her palm on his chest.

He didn’t expect her to touch him, tensing up. It’s surprising how warm her hand is, more so how inviting the warmth is. He’s hyper-aware of every breath he takes as his chest expands under her touch, hoping this incredibly brazen Grisha does not feel the way his heart jumps with the sudden surge of her bravery.

When he notices her lips move, he holds his breath as if the simple act of breathing could muffle her voice and make it harder for him to soak up the blind loyalty and love she holds for him.

“Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two different things. You’re not evil for choosing to protect yourself and your country. I could never think badly of you, General.”

It’s been a long time since he found someone so incredibly devoted to him and his cause, exhilarating him to the core. Alina had never truly believed in him for she always considered him wicked, but Y/N couldn’t be more different. Perhaps he’s right and this time it will work. 

With someone trusting as Y/N is, he can’t possibly fail again.

Letting her hand fall, Y/N looks away as she realizes she crossed the line and his silence is the easiest way for him to inform her of it. Truth be told, she wondered who was the last woman who got to lay her hand on his chest.

Was it Alina?

There were rumors of the relationship Kirigan and Alina supposedly had and Y/N always felt a pang of jealousy upon hearing the girls talk. She never knew him, she never truly had him and she never will, but the idea someone else does brought her pain.

Perhaps her overthinking or the increasingly awkward silence prompted her temper to speak instead of her brain.

"Did you love her?" Y/N blurts out. 

Her eyes widen as she realizes her thoughts have become vocal and in the presence of the very man she should be watching her mouth around.

"I apologize. It must be a difficult time to reminisce about." Maybe Nina was right – she is stupid!

"It is quite alright.” Darkling lets out an audibly heavy breath. “I did not love her, I trusted her. I trusted her enough to put all my hope for a better Ravka on her shoulders and she betrayed our country."

"No", she reaches out slowly, her hand finding its way to his as it gingerly grasps his fingers. "She betrayed you."

Smiling reluctantly, Kirigan finds himself wondering if he should embrace the fact Y/N seems to be a very touchy person or if he should set some boundaries. Despite the shiver that runs down his spine, he allows her hand to fully take his as he closes his fingers around hers.

"I should have seen it coming. I'm far too used to betrayal."

"I'd never do that", she pauses. "I'd never betray you. I'd never break your trust."

Her responses are quick, so innocent and naïve that he can’t help but feel guilty about every moment he spends near her. No one should send a doe eyed beauty into the clutches of a beast so easily, yet he has no desire to force her to leave.

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

Smiling, her entire face lights up. It’s a true delight to witness so early in the morning after a long night of nightmares he faced.

“Do not worry, General. I have every intention on proving myself to you.”

Glancing at their hands, her smile widens. She spent years wishing for this and now that it’s happening she can’t seem to believe it’s real.

“The sun will come up soon”, he changes the topic.

Y/N fears he might leave and her hand would be back at her side as she watches his retreating figure, but when he speaks again her heart dances in her chest.

“Would you like to watch the sunrise with me?”

Inhaling sharply, she nods. “Very much so.”

Unfortunately for them, someone else couldn’t sleep that night and they had seen just enough for a terrible plan to be born.

=================================

A/N - So, I’m definitely going to play with the books here and twist some things to fit the storyline I have in mind. There might be some spoilers, so read with caution. I debated on making more than a one shot for this and taking on some ideas I have for Darkling but also Nikolai, so I’m not sure how long this will be just yet. 

Tags: @deceivedeer​ @evyiione​ @measshaw​

Part 3

[narnie]

like Kaz Brekker, I make good of my threats. BEHOLD, the lyrics to “Dreaming Again, Dreaming of Her” sung by Matthias Helvar, with Nina Zenik dueting at the song’s dramatic end

visit my post about Six of Crows: The Musical to read my unfinished list of songs and the lyrics of “Kaz Brekker Didn’t Need A Reason” sung by Inej Ghafa ft. the City of Ketterdam

Six of Crows: The Musical | Dreaming Again, Dreaming of Her

A ballad. Matthias Helvar ft. Nina Zenik and Kaz Brekker’s cane.

Context: When Kaz, Inej, Nina, and Jesper break Matthias out of Hellgate. Matthias is passed out from his injuries and dreams of Nina like he always does.

Verse 1

Betrayal

That’s what I wish I think of first when I think of Nina

Zenik, I used to call her, a name I’ve grown to hate

More than I did before

Not of this world

With powers I’ve learned to understand

Is dangerous which nevertheless kept us safe out in the cold, many nights ago

And yet I can’t deny my heart has betrayed my soul

For when I close my eyes at night, I find myself

Chorus

Dreaming again, dreaming of her

Dreaming of all the things we were before she left me

Left me to die in this place, Djelforesaken

With words that used to make me laugh,

gave me up as a slave trader just like that

The water hears and understands

but the ice does not forgive

Verse 2

Fire

Burning through my chest when I dream of Nina

Is it blasphemy to say I miss her warmth

when the ice is all I’ve ever known before

And still I think of the night we shared a common goal

to stay alive despite all the lies we’ve been told

But now I see the only lie that had a hold on me

was thinking we could ever be together

And still, when I close my eyes I find myself

Chorus

Dreaming again, dreaming of her

Dreaming of all the things we were before she left me

Left me with a cold and frozen ache of deep longing

I still recall the feel of skin on skin

Is it a sin to think the worse of everything

is not who she is or what she did

but how she makes me feel even now

The water hears and understands

but the ice does not forgive

Verse 3

Death

That’s what I wish for her or me when I think of Nina

Yet somewhere hidden in my depths I know

that the reason I really want to go

Is to see her once again but I don’t know

If I would kiss or embrace her as a welcome

or choke down my love to let the hate run

Oh what I’d give to see her now

But since I can’t, instead I shall hunt her in my sleep and remain

Chorus

Dreaming again, dreaming of her

Dreaming of all the things we were before she left me

Left me to dream this sick fantasy that she’s here right beside me

Just like the night she made me keep us warm

I held her safely in my arms, but she couldn’t save me from falling for her kind

The water hears and understands

but the ice does not forgive

Verse 4, Nina rouses Matthias

[ Nina / Matthias / Both / slash means they’re singing simultaneously ]

Matthias

I hear her calling my name, the lovely Nina

She is crying yet joy is the only thing I feel when I see him/her finally

Traitor, witch, abomination / Drüskelle, zealot, barbarian

These are the words I’d first have chosen but

Matthias Helvar / A beautiful, charming, little red bird

Is all I see tonight

Matthias / in my dream of–

“Nina?”

“Oh, Saints, Matthias. Please, wake up.”

“Nina,” he growls.

Matthias pushes Nina to the ground and fastens his hands tight around her throat.

“Witch,” he hisses. “Beg me. Beg me for your life.”

Kaz Brekker whacks Matthias with his cane, with an accompanying DUN instrumental sound of abrupt violin and drums.

- END SCENE -

let’s pretend that little rod in the left corner of the gif is Kaz’s cane coming to bonk Matthias to save Nina from asphyxiation

@sisters-and-crows @f-r-o-p @alinaleksanders @gilbertscarrot @zeromournerszerofunerals @joyfulsongbird @mournersandfunerals @darlingdregs @lavenderlemonrose @guindalf @slytherinprongs-toomanyfandoms @holocene-days thank you sm for your support for my crazy soc musical idea and/or my blog in general!!💞

@mure-sauvage’s demo my instrumental demo

[cocobittiebites]

Hello!! This is my 2nd ask.. I just wanted a Scenario when Hisoka is being Saved by a extremely Powerful Woman who has a very cold Appearance... This Woman saved him during the fight of Chrollo.. Sorry for my Second Ask.. I'm just really loved him.. By the way I'm very satisfied on your blogs😊😊😊😊😘😘😘😘❤️❤️❤️❤️

TELL ME WHY I FORGOT I WROTE THIS A COUPLE DAYS AGO???? LIKE FR THIS WAS DONE ON THURSDAY- talk about forgetfulness 🧍🏻‍♀️

Some things that I added cuz creative liberty and all that jazz: y/n is apart of the main four (well it’s five now on my blog ig), I just love found family ok. Also it gives her depth and a decent reason how she knows Hisoka. Her nen ability was based off of my favorite six of crows character, Nina Zenik (who i also probably based her personality off of)

Also fair warning I can barley understand Nen and how is works whenever it’s explained so yeah here is me bullsh*ting it 🧍🏻‍♀️ I tried for y’all though...

Hisoka x fem!reader

TW: Hisoka being Hisoka, mentions of blood and gore (not that much but still), really this is pretty tame compaired to a lot of things on this app, y/n has strong opinions

Why did she have to get tangled up with this clown yet again? No amount of money is worth dealing with this.

At least she had the intuition to view the fight from her room at Heaven’s arena. From the looks of this the two fighters completely disregarded the sanctity of common courtesy as they brought the audience in their petty quarrel. 

Men and their egos.

The hypocrisy of the situation never ceased to amaze her.

He’s mad that Hisoka sold out the troupe and had a hand in the death of their members? Really? After they probably done far worse? 

She watched up on the screen as the audience members began flying towards the aforementioned clown, internally jerking back as Hisoka’s arm was completely severed.

Just like his fight with Kastro.

But it wasn’t like his fight against Kastro. This was a fight against the leader of the Phantom Troupe and this Chrollo guy….he was no joke. At least in his fight against Kastro it was like a game in his favor. Here though, he was the prey and this Chrollo guy seems vengeful. 

As she focuses on the magician, the situation seemed to hit Hisoka.

It was all incredibly dramatic.

And incredibly stupid.

A huge explosion erupted. Bodies piled up. Chrollo’s the last man standing. 

Hisoka is dead.

Hisoka is dead.

Hisoka is dead.

The words chant in her head like a sour requiem. A feeling of dread washes over her psyche. A wave, a panic arises. Her body moves involuntarily and she runs out the door towards the arena. Once she’s there she stills and takes a breath.

Stop being dramatic….This situation is exactly why he asked you to be here.

As a manipulator she could control a person’s hearts. If she was ever caught in a fight she could practically stop an opponent and give them an artificial cardiac arrest, not that she couldn’t fight her way out without her ability. With this ability she was also able to slow someone's heart rate, either calming them or putting them to sleep. The downside of it was that she had to be within a fifteen foot radius of whoever she’s using it on and there needs to have been a point of contact with the other person within an hour's time frame. 

Aura is all around the body you see, and the core of it is the heart. If it was any other organ, like the brain for example, without a modifier like needles, her nen ability would not be possible. Call it her individuality complex, but something about modifiers made her equate it to people like Illumi Zoldyck. It left a bad taste in her mouth. 

There also was a chance that if she overexerted herself, say stopping more than 3 peoples hearts at a time, she could overwork her heart rate and die. Then again, there are downsides to everything. 

Really it was an ability she was particularly proud of. Well she did develop her nen faster than the others. When she showed Gon and Killua her ability they started bombarding her with endless questions. Though there wasn’t a name for it yet. Leorio and his ever present doctor knowledge just kept spewing out heart-related medical terms.

Cardiac is a good name though. 

God. She really missed her friends.

At least you get to see Kurapika when this is all over.

Back to the matter at hand. Hisoka is dead and before he died he asked her to restart his heart to bring him back to life. After much harassment from him against her and her friends, she was bound to say no, however fifty-million jenny is fifty million jenny. A bag is a bag, could you blame her?

Schooling her face she enters the ‘arena’, if you could call it that. The place was completely decimated. The ceiling was ready to crumble completely. Dead bodies littered the entire room. The iron smell of blood wafed up her nose, cringing internally.  In the middle lies Hisoka, face mauled, a missing nose, and several severed limbs. 

Geez, it's like he wants to make her job difficult. 

Peering over to the entrance on the other side she spots a certain pink-haired spider. Machi stands above Hisoka as she uses her nen stitches to put his limbs back together. 

Oh so this is his plan.

She takes no precaution in disguising herself through Zetsu, as she pulls her face into a stony exterior. It works as the pink-haired woman senses her presence and turns up in arms towards her. 

“You” Machi spits out.

“Me” she says mockingly.

“What are you doing here.”

Pointing to the man himself, “The clown wanted me to restart his heart,” sauntering over to where Hisoka’s body laid there, “a fail-safe, if you will.” 

Machi rolls her eyes, “I thought a goodie-goodie like you wouldn’t help a guy like him?”

Shrugging her shoulders she walks up to the spider and brushes Machi’s hair behind her ears, “Fifty-million jenny is fifty million jenny.”

Machi doesn’t say anything. Paying no mind the girl kneels down to the magenta magician. His face, once handsome, now bashed and torn up. She wouldn’t admit it to him but she felt a small pang in her heart at the sight of him. 

You shouldn’t feel bad. He’s the cause of his own ruination. 

Placing both hands on his chest she feels for signs of where his heart is. Once finding it she focuses her aura into her hands and into his heart. Raising her connected hands once she pushes down roughly, in turn restarting his heart. Hopefully he still had some blood flow still lingering in the brain. 

It took a minute but after a while of pumping his heart herself she felt his breath even, indicating that he would be fine on his own for now. In a moment of relief she watched his eyes flutter open. 

His eyes focused, slightly dazed and disoriented, but surprised that he is seeing at all. Still he sees her towering over him, as icy as fresh fallen snow. Her expression is blank, devoid of any hatred or fondness. Still she’s ethereal like this. Light shrouded her like a halo, as if she was an angel of death. For a moment he thought he had died and entered a Heaven he did not deserve. 

What a welcome sight <3, he thought.

Machi looked at the pair stunned. So that’s what her nen ability is. Chrollo isn’t going to be happy about this. Slipping past the pair, she left the room to tell her boss about this new development. 

“What a coincidence Y/N, I didn’t know you cared about me this much,” his signature smirk marring his face. She watches as he fills his gapping nose with bungee gum and covers it with his texture surprise. 

Vain as usual.

She scowls at him, “I care about your wallet,” saying it as coldly as possible. 

“Ouch that hurts~” 

“You literally just died.” 

“So now your concerned, hmm~” 

Rolling her eyes she asked, “Well, I hope you learned something from this experience.” Raising her hand she checks his pulse, “What are you going to do about Chrollo and his gaggle of arachne?” 

“This was a sort of wake up call so to say~,” he sits up moving closer to her face, eyes darting towards her petaled lips. He reaches over to caress her face, but she swats his hand and glares, “From now on I won’t give my opponents a choice when and where we fight, it makes things more...interesting.” The magician reveals at the thought. 

Oh how magnificent our fight will be, Y/N

“As for the troupe, I plan on hunting them down,” he moves closer to her ear and then whispers, like a promise between two lovers, “one. by. one.” 

Leaning back to see her cold exterior crumble was a sight to see. Her eyes, wide and shocked, looked like a doe in headlights. Her mouth, deliciously agape, felt tempting to touch. There he was, powerful and sadistic Hisoka, toying with whether he should worship the woman in front of him or break her. 

Decision, decisions. 

“Either way I’m going to need someone to rip their hearts out with.” 

Oh~, this is where the fun begins <3

[dregstrash]

As per usual I’m here to combine two things that I love. Since I’ve been rereading Percy Jackson and falling with the series all over again, today I will be saying which cabin I think the dregs would belong in if they went to Camp Half-Blood.

Kaz- 10000% Hermes kid. He’d like get to camp and be the only emo Hermes kid. Seriously. All his half brothers and sisters always make side comments about the all black get up, but they’d keep it on the down low cause seriously Kaz is the best thief since the Stoll brothers, and if you gave him the right price Kaz would literally take revenge on any cabin or steal anything from anyone anywhere, and he’d never get caught. (it makes Capture the Flag a little bit more in favor for the sons and daughters of Hermes)

Inej- Hades. She would be an amazing daughter of Hades. But in the best way. She like knows that death is all a part of life, and that not all things that leave are sorrowful. And she shadow travels so so well that campers are wary of her. They don’t need to be though, because honestly Inej is a sweet heart and she is easily one of the kindest people you could ever team up with during sword practice. (granted she’ll kick your ass each time)

Nina- You already know my girl is a daughter of Aphrodite. She would be a cabin leader, and make sure that everyone of her siblings looked their best, their flyest, and their most confident. You thought she was dramatic before? Listen, Nina is in full control of all the gifts Aphrodite’s children are blessed with and it makes her extremely formidable to boys and girls alike. Let’s just say it’s very hard to say no to Zenik. 

Matthias- The nicest son of Ares you have ever met. He got a lot of features from his mom instead of his godly father, but he still has the trademark Ares temper as well as the battle knowhow and whittled down reflexes and instincts. Most people want Matthias’s help when it comes to battle practice, and he’s always up for it. 

Jesper- Apollo? Apollo. Sharpshooter, musician, a smile that can light up any room. Jesper Fahey is a bonafide star in the Apollo cabin. Most people can’t resist his light hearted humor and fun, and know better when he wants to bet on who can hit the most bullseyes. He was especially useful when the Hunters came around every once in a while to challenge Camp Half Blood in Capture the Flag, because ever since Jesper was claimed by Apollo, their win rates have significantly gone up. 

Wylan- H E P H A E S T U S. He’s one of those Hephaestus kids that like to make things explode. Any contraption, any configuration with Greek Fire, any mechanism that could possibly go BOOM, that’s Wylan’s scene. He was unassuming at first, but his siblings adored him. He was brilliant. He was their hidden blade. And when you see him step into a chariot for their chariot races, hope that your chariot is fireproof. 

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Febuwhump 3: Loss of Life and Limb

Fandom: Grishaverse: Six of Crows and Shadow and Bone Summary: Nina thought that she wanted to be a healer, she really did. Turns out that actual injuries from war are far more gruesome than any textbook ever explained. Warnings: WWII AU, mentions of war, graphic descriptions of injuries, implied character death, minor character death, and inhumane medical conditions Word Count: 1,504 Ship(s): Nina Zenik/Matthias Helvar

Archive link!

She flinched back into herself as she heard another massive shell go off a few meters away from the tent. She hated that the Germans had once again managed to surpass them in terms of technology, that England and America weren’t keeping up their end of the bargain to provide them with ways to protect themselves. She hated the fact that she had gone to school to be a nurse and had ended up dumped into an active warzone where she was performing life-saving surgeries in the middle of a mud pit with people screaming outside the canvas. Most of all, she hated that she couldn’t save them all.

Her thoughts barely had a time to settle in her head so they mostly focused on repeating themselves over and over again. She rushed through the tent so that she could get more of the bandages and the dull garrot that they had been using to cut off the circulation of soldiers that had massive wounds. The items refused to stay still in her quivering hands but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

She rushed back to the bed where she had been working. She put the items down on the cot behind her, though that wouldn't last for very long. Some of the other nurses that didn’t have a patients would be coming to clear the body away when they had the time. She had to focus on the boy that was laying in front of her, blood dripping down the edge of the cot.

“What’s your name, love?” she asked as she readied her supplies. She didn’t have time to wash her hands with soap, not when she could hear another round of ammunition dropping on the battlefield outside. She settled for lathering them with a thick, heavy alcohol that would hopefully kill all the germs on her hands.

“Jesper,” he grunted. He tried to push himself up on shaking forearms, his eyes already darting towards the open flap of the tent. 

That was her least favorite part of this. At least when she was working in the hospitals that were far too packed with civilians and war casualties she had the ability to lock the doors to stop her patients from wandering away. The first week that she had been out on the field, she had managed to actually lose her patient. “Oh, no you don’t!” she snapped as she pushed him back onto the bed. “You have a nasty wound on your leg, I’m not going to let you wander into the war just because you know people on that field. We all do.”

“My friends are out there!” he squawked, indignant and heady with the adrenaline from his wound.

“I know,” she snapped as she pressed him down into the bed with one hand. Her eyes flicked up as she saw another cot being carried into the medical tent. It was something that happened often when they were engaged in battle. People got injured, they had to come somewhere when they had lost too much blood to fight. They came to her and the other nurses so that they could try and stabilize them before they were sent off to whatever poor village hospital had to try and fit all of them in.

She felt her heart stop in her chest when she saw who it was. She would have been able to recognize the head full of blond hair cut to short military length, the shoulders so broad and muscular that they could hold even her girth, and the face so grizzled with loss that it was a travesty not to dwell upon it anywhere. She knew immediately who she was looking at even though she wished that she did not. “Matthias!” she shouted before she realized that it was the wrong thing to do.

“Matthias is in here?” Jesper asked, trying to push himself off the bed again.

His near-escape was enough to break herself from her thoughts. She turned back to him and pressed him onto the cot with one of her hands. She let herself be divided between the other side of the tent where her husband was being tended to and the patient in front of her. 

She knew a lot of the soldiers that were serving with the Allies, but none of them were as sacred to her as the man that they had just brought in. She had traveled all over the world while she tried to figure out what she was going to do, experiencing the life, language, and culture of all others. She had adored it even more when she was sharing the experiences with someone of that country, which was where Matthias had come in. The two of them had met when they were assigned to work together with a married couple during a tour of the countryside. He had apparently only gone on it in the hopes of seeing his old family farm, but had ended up with someone he was nothing like. They had argued and bickered for the first half before they eventually determined that was stupid. After that, they had fallen head over heels for each other. They had only married when they learned that he was going to be drafted, before Nina had even decided to become a nurse so that she could be closer to him and help with the war effort.

He was being tended to by some of the other doctors, people that she knew that she could trust even with her husband. She had to focus on the boy in front of her instead of thinking with the aching, gaping black hole that had opened in her stomach. Nina couldn’t think about losing her husband in the mess that she had fallen into. She had to try and save at least one of the Godforsaken children that had been sent to the frontlines.

“Bite down on this,” she instructed as she placed a clean rag into the mouth of the soldier. They were hard to come by in the mud-slick fields that the tent had been set up in but they tried to make sure that their soldiers weren’t also suffering from a stomach ailment along with whatever injury they had picked up while fighting.

“What?” Jesper grumbled around the rag that she had placed into his mouth.

Nina paid him no mind as she wrapped the garrot around his leg as tightly as it would go and then placed both of the wooden handles into one hand. She grabbed the bottle of alcohol that she had used to sterilize her hands and then dumped it down onto his wound so that she could clean out some of the grime. Just as she had suspected that he would, he let out a shrill scream into the cloth in his mouth and seized forward.

“I know, I know,” she immediately soothed. “You’re going to be okay.”

They were words that she had spoken a million times before and likely would have to speak a million times over. None of them ever felt like they would come to fruition, it didn’t feel like any of them were going to be okay. Their entire lives, the futures that were promised to them, had been ripped away by people that didn’t even know them. They would never have what they were assured they would get.

She reached for some of the things that she had brought over. She placed the bandages down between his legs and then settled her hands on either side of the break. She forced the bones back to where they were supposed to be, which caused Jesper to release another earth-shattering scream into his rag. She was so glad that she had learned to use the gag so that her patients weren’t biting down on their tongues when she had to set bones or sew skin.

She tilted her head up just in time to see the medic that had been working on Matthias pause. He switched out with another person, who began to plunge their fingers deep down into his chest so that they could find the bullet. While he was doing that, the first one that had been working on him sprang around to the other side so that he could pump the blond’s chest.

She couldn’t let herself think about what that meant, not when she was meant to be saving the life of someone else. She grabbed the ball of surgical sutures and then worked to get the wound closed now that his leg was back where it was meant to be. She paid no attention to the tears dripping down her face at the background idea that she could be losing her husband. This war had already cost her her parents, her mentor, and numerous other people that she had cherished. She wasn’t sure what she would do if it ripped out her heart and left her with nothing but the bleakness of an unknown future.

[willowgast]

tag game time!

i was tagged by the lovely @contre-qui, with the aim of tagging nine people to learn about their interests - i'm unlikely to find that many people myself but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it! going under the cut because this is a pretty long(ish) one.

music!

fave genre a little bit of everything but right now especially medieval folk & pop rock

fave artist a strange mixture of måneskin, kraftklub, siames, cavetown, and rainbow kitten surprise

fave song hard choice, but probably 'brothers' by siames & eddy capparelli

most listened to song recently either 'coraline' by måneskin or 'king orfeo' from the child ballads

song currently stuck in your head 'happy pills' by weathers

five fave lyrics oh boy, this is gonna take some thought.

"called to the devil and the devil said / hey! why you been calling this late? / it's like 2a.m. and the bars all close at ten in hell, that's a rule i made / anyway, you say you're too busy saving everybody else to save yourself / and you don't want no help, oh well / that's the story to tell" ('it's called: freefall' by rainbow kitten surprise)

"today i coo, today i caw / i have a pistol party and i kill 'em all / i think i might be scared / of the man and the men with their hands inside / and the women, oh, the women all they do is cry / and i, well i lose my mind" ('little pistol' by mother mother)

"so did you pack your bag, or did somebody pack it for you? / take me to the sad, sad party that you're bound to / whether you're a 'have-not' or a 'have', i got a question / are you living dead, or is this some kind of possession?' ('blast doors' by everything everything)

"but what if i run out of fertiliser? / what if the clouds run out of rain? what if lemon boy won't grow no longer? what if beaches dry of sugar cane?" ('lemon boy' by cavetown)

"now they tell you that you're their muse / yeah, they're so inspired / but where were they when they called your name / and they lit the fire? / when the voices came, you cut your hair / but you're stilled confused" ('joan of arc' by arcade fire)

books!

fave book genre fantasy all the way

fave writer bernardine evaristo, leigh bardugo, madeline miller

fave book oh dear, here we go. 'circe' by madeline miller, 'six of crows' and 'crooked kingdom' by leigh bardugo, 'girl, woman, other' by bernardine evaristo, 'good omens' by neil gaiman & terry pratchett, 'the raven cycle' series by maggie stiefvater, 'oranges are not the only fruit' by jeanette winterson, and a whole lot of old norse literature of dubious authorship (but especially 'gisla saga' and 'hrafnkels saga freysgoða', and pretty much all of the eddic poems in the volsung cycle)

fave book series it's a tie between leigh bardugo's grishaverse novels and maggie stiefvater's 'the raven cycle'

comfort book 'the secret kingdom' by jenny nimmo

rainy day book any of my norse books, sagas or poetry

fave characters nina zenik in the grishaverse, ronan lynch in 'the raven cycle', gisli in 'gisla saga' (not sure if that counts as a character or historical figure, dependent on perspective...?), and circe in, y'know, 'circe'

five quotes from your fave books?

"i thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but i see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands" ('circe' by madeline miller)

"'spreader of swords, it is your own sons' / corpse-bloody hearts you've chewed up with honey, / proud man, you've consumed dead men's meat, / eating it as ale-dainties, sending it to the high seat' [...] with the point of a blade she gave the bed a bloody drink, / with a hel-keen hand, and set the dogs free; / she woke the servants, and in front of the hall-door / she flung a burning brand: she paid them back for her brothers. / to the fire she gave everyone who was inside, / who'd come from myrkheim after murdering gunnar and his men; / the ancient timbers fell, the temples smoked, / the buildings burned of budli's kin, and the shield-maids inside; / their lives stemmed, sinking into hot flames." (gudrun avenges her brother in 'atlakviða', a poem in the old norse poetic and elder eddas)

"you aren't a flower, you're every blossom in the wood blooming at once. you are a tidal wave. you're a stampede. you are overwhelming." ('crooked kingdom' by leigh bardugo)

"from the passenger seat, ronan began to swear at adam. it was a long, involved swear, using every forbidden word possible, often in compound-word form. as adam stared at his lap, penitent, he mused that there was something musical about the ronan when he swore, a careful and loving precision to the way he fit the words together, a black-painted poetry. it was far less hateful sounding than when he didn't swear." ('the raven cycle' by maggie stiefvater)

"but where was god now, with heaven full of astronauts, and the lord overthrown? i miss god. i miss the company of someone utterly loyal. i still don't think of god as my betrayer. the servants of god, yes, but servants by their very nature betray. i miss god who was my friend. i don't even know if god exists, but i do know that if god is your emotional role model, very few human relationships will match up to it. i have an idea that one day it might be possible, i thought once it had become possible, and that glimpse has set me wandering, trying to find the balance between earth and sky. if the servants hadn't rushed in and parted us, i might have been disappointed, might have snatched off the white samite to find a bowl of soup." ('oranges are not the only fruit' by jeanette winterson)

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

tv and movies!

fave tv/movie genre fantasy, travel/road trip & comedy

fave movie the secret life of walter mitty, supernova, any and all ghibli films, scott pilgrim vs. the world, lord of the rings, the how to train your dragon trilogy

comfort movie the lion king (original), how to train your dragon, from up on poppy hill, kiki's delivery service

movie you watch every year elf, howl's moving castle, love simon

fave tv show she-ra and the princesses of power, skam, bee and puppycat (i guess more of a web series than a tv show?), adventure time, the it crowd

comfort tv show adventure time

most rewatched tv show skam, every october without fail

five favourite characters catra (she-ra and the princesses of power), sana (skam original), marceline (adventure time), moss (the it crowd), inej (shadow and bone netflix adaptation)

tv shows or movie | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or bingeing | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

tagging (absolutely no pressure, this is a pretty long one!): @crowcaves, @the-obsidian-soul, @natscbi, @somehowmags, @gabrilearnelle, @clockwords, @starsspace... and that's it, that's as close to nine as i'm getting, but if anyone else just feels like doing it then feel free to consider yourself tagged!