#nonpartnering culture is

[nonamorous-culture-is]

Nonpartnering culture is grieving the future you thought you'd have, but being at peace with the decisions you've made.

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[aro-culture-is]

Nonpartnering aro(ace) culture, is grieving the future you thought you'd have, but being at peace with the decisions you've made.

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[entropy-sea-system]

Being aromantic is not inherently all about friendship or having platonic squishes or wanting qprs!

Aros who are aplatonic, aplspec, nonfriending, plato averse, nonpartnering, aqueerplatonic, analterous, qpr averse, or otherwise do not fit norms surrounding platonic and qpr stuff(which seems to be compounded and intensely seen as 'aro culture' in general aro spaces) are amazing and we deserve to have our experiences acknowledged and we deserve to feel included in the aro community!

(-Sonic/Rift)

(This post is about aros who do not fit aro community norms surrounding friendship, qprs, and other nonromantic emotional attraction types/associated relationship types! DO NOT DERAIL)

(Also do not mention anything about us being human, not inhuman, etc. Because alterhuman, other nonhuman, and inhuman identities exist and not all of us id as human or call ourselves that so be mindful of that in any tags or replies!!)

[citnamora]

Writing aro characters is easy but not for the reasons you may think. Sure, aros could be romance repulsed, nonpartnering, preferring friendships and family over romance. But there are so many aros in our community who are partnering, who adore romance, who have no strong feelings on it! Romo aros may even date! There are so many aplaros who don't feel that platonic attraction that draws folks in! There are heartless and loveless aros whose differing opinions on love of any form challenges the status quo! And alloaros are especially underrepresented in positive ways since they are often times depicted as predatory, sexual deviants.

So what brings such a diverse group together? What unites us is our romantic attraction felt differently from allos, or not at all. That's how you write an aro character- you write a character who experiences romance differently than their peers. Or you write a character that does not experience it whatsoever. That's what an aro character is.

If you're alloro and you want to write an aro character? Follow culture blogs. Aro culture, loveless aro culture, etc. Browse the tags of whoever you want to represent! Learn about other aro's experiences! And of course you can still write that nonpartnering, romance repulsed aro who champions platonic love and finds sex boring or gross. But know the roots of the identity before you work with it!

[usedtobe-elrallin]

My aromantic characters:

Raider/Emile Despa, solidly aromantic, asexual, in a qpr with their close childhood friend

Episi-Aleun, aromantic, allosexual, married with twin sons, also has the equivalent of a qpr in her culture

Eritira Kalani, demiromantic, demisexual, marries Kemora eventually but it's a process

Ember/November Fire, nonpartnering aroace

Æric, aromantic, asexual, was in a qpr but isn't anymore

Honestly most of my characters are aroace because I forget people actually experience attraction, but these are a few I've worked out more specifics on!

[fallenstarcat]

nonamorous culture is realizing just how much of your stress and anxiety was caused by the idea that one day you'll have a partner and being glad you dont have to deal with that anymore.

like seriously, so much of my anxiety about doing what i want with my life and body was because i was worried some imaginary future partner wouldnt want it / agree with it. it feels so much better to know i wont ever have to settle for something in my life because a partner doesnt want it.

[just-aro]

hey im a little confused. ive asked several people and ive been told i can be nonamorous / nonpartnering yet desire a close friendship, then today another aro said that is impossible because a close friendship is a partnership. they claimed you'd need comittment in that type of relationship (which btw i dont understand that argument because i guess i have "comittment" in every relationship, im not just going to let my friends leave, im going to fight to be their friend for as long as i can). i hate the word "partnership" or "partners", it makes me so uncomfortable to put that kind of label on any relationship i have

hi,

i have no fucking clue how the perspective that you can't be nonamorous or nonpartnering and have a close friendship would even work. commitment of the type each refers to is typically like... romo/qpr/similar, and that involves a mutual discussion of interest in a partnering/amorous relationship. you can't just, be in a relationship of that style without explicit communication of such.

while i can't speak for all aros, I think this is an occasion where this other aro is misinformed and speaking over a subject they do not understand.

- mod kee

[alien-ally]

Waking up next to the one you love? Overrated as hell. It's waking up next to your bear/favorite pillow that does it for me( ꈍᴗꈍ)

[nonamorous-culture-is]

Nonpartnering child free culture is, calling your dog your soulmate and your baby.

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[aro-culture-is]

Nonpartnering insecure(?) aro culture is thinking of a partner 1% of the time compared to the 99% you think of Literally Anything Else

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[age-regressor-culture-is]

nonpartnering aromantic age regressor culture is feeling left out because it seems like almost everyone's caregiver is their significant other. (and i mean, i'm on the fence about if i even WANT a cg or not. but it's just. it's hard to even *imagine* myself with a cg because it's so hard to find representations of caregivers that aren't people's partners)

✿

[loveless-aro-culture-is]

aplatonic aroace nonpartnering culture is spending all your time alone, suddenly feeling listless and like your life is empty, then spending two minutes in another persons company and remembering how much you hate talking to people.

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[sergeantsporks]

I need to ask (because of fear)

Those who don't join the Aromantic Hunter revolution will suffer...?

Because I prefer my demi-sexual Hunter HC, and I do ship Willow and Hunter (But Raeda will always be my fav)

So I need to know, will those who don't join this revolution suffer, or could I just join the neutral side and watch all of you fight with knives...?

Lol, it's not a violent revolution (probably).

When I say "revolution" it's more like:

Revolution: a dramatic and wide-reaching change in the way something works or is organized or in people's ideas about it

In this case, fandom culture and shipping being the end all be all and being consistently preferred to aspec and nonpartnering headcanons. We're mostly just being loud about our headcannon because we can.

Demi headcannoners are our friends, anyway :)

[disasterdemi]

I've never been worried about telling people I am Demiromantic. In the community where I grew up, if you want to stay single, you stay single. My paternal aunt never married and my older cousin has no interest in getting married and my family's perfectly fine with that.

However, being bisexual is a completely different story, especially since I'm a part of a community that isn't necessarily open to LGBTQ. Like it's safe for me to be out at school and stuff, but I can't be open to my community. And I'm terrified of losing their support. And being the only one (That I know of) is incredibly isolating. Yes, I have friends that are queer, but none quite understand

All to say, I had suspicions about people in the community being LGBTQ, but I don't have much faith in my suspicions. I think they're mostly fruitless wishes. The key word there is mostly. Because a few days ago at school, an acquaintance made a joke in these exact words. "That line is as straight as you wish [Redacted] would be." The line was very straight. And now, I'm wondering if I'm not as alone as I think I am. (I'm pretty sure it's a joke, but a girl can hope)

~Love Advice Anon

I think it's so interesting how we can feel safe and unsafe about different aspects of our queer identity in different situations. Like, a sport community that I'm part of has a very large proportion of queer people, so I'd feel fine saying I'm bi, but it's so hard to tell what lgbt+ people know/think about aromanticism so I'd be much more hesitant to provide that info unprompted.

And on the other hand, similar to your situation, my mum has been single basically my whole life and there's been a lot of divorce in the family, so while I know that I would be unintentionally made to feel uncomfortable if I were nonpartnering (thanks amatonormativity), it's not something I'd be persecuted for. Being aro as an action (though maybe not as a label) wouldn't be so much of an issue. But yeah branches of my family I don't know??? how they'd react to me being bi?? (Not to mention polyam 😅) Like... my dad I have no idea either way, but some of my older family members are queerphobic in that sort of... cultural-climate-they-grew-up-in way so it's hard to tell if it'd make a difference if it were someone they knew.

idk man. For me, because I'm lucky that I feel totally backed up by my mum, I've always sort of been like... they don't need to know unless it's relevant. Like "hey can I bring my girlfriend to christmas" or something? But in the meantime I don't feel the need to tell them. You know?

I hope you find some people who support you (and maybe some other queer people) in your community, though I imagine it is hard if none of you feel entirely safe to approach others about it. I'm sure it's no replacement, but you always have me and the rest of the online queer community to lean on xx

[oflgtfol]

forgot to sign that one as loservenom but as you may have concluded from the spam likes [sorry for that] its me. when i find someone who likes two (2) or more of the same things i do i go wild im sorry. do you like star trek. tell me more about din i am begging you you have SUCH good thoughts

i do like star trek!!! however unfortunately i've only ever watched like the first half of tos and that's pretty much it LMAO. but i do want to get into it more it's just.... sooooo much so i just admire it from afar LOL. maybe one day....

i guess i will use this opportunity to dump more aro din thotz cause now it's on my mind LOL and i don't think i ever publicly posted these???

so if the word "aromantic" even exists in star wars, i don't think din would actively identify with it. i don't think the thought would ever really cross his mind really, that he would NEED an identity/label for what he experiences

i think like cara or someone would bring aromanticism up to him, like hey have you heard this word. is this you? and he'd just be like. whatever. like he just does not care

part of this is because he just keeps his head down and minds his own business and is a solitary person anyway so like he doesn't give a shit what's going on really

another part of this is that i think in mandalorian society, especially within his own covert, family and platonic relationships in general are valued so much more over typical romance. obviously romance still exists between mandos but i truly don't think it'd be so all encompassing as it is in like, modern western society irl. the bond between parent and child is highly cherished regardless of whether said parent has a partner to help out, and so single parenthood is like a Staple of mando culture. and also i love the idea that mandos raise children communally like yeah parent&child bonds are cherished but, due to aforementioned frequency of single parenthood, just. it takes a village y'know!!! especially for a community like din's covert where it's very tight knit and insular i think communal raising would be huge. so just, in general, the importance of Community and Family really lessens the expectation and subsequent burden of monogamous romantic love and so, long story short, i don't think amatonormativity like. really exists among mandos (or at the very least, among his covert where he was raised). enough so that din doesn't even realize that him being aromantic would be considered abnormal by other standards. it's such a normal and unquestioned thing so he just never really had to examine it enough to NEED a label for it

if there are labels, i do adore the idea of "solus" or whatever it was being the mando'a word for "aromantic" which i've seen in a few fics over time, HOWEVER. that implies the sense of being single which like... describes more of a behavior than attraction?? so while i love the idea of a mando word for aromantic i just. hm.

which brings me to the idea of mandos not even really labeling sexuality but instead, yeah, labeling behavior instead. WHICH LIKE, for most people that DOES align. if you are solely attracted to men then you will most likely only ever enter relationships with men, etc. BUT, there are people who abstain from relationships even if they are alloromantic/allosexual, so in that sense "solus" would also describe them as well, no? additionally, not all aspec people abstain from relationships, which makes them NOT "solus."

and while i do firmly believe din is aromantic 100%, i do think he could be somewhere on the aro-spec. i particularly adore the idea of him being demiromantic. so again "solus" is a bit limiting. AND ALSO, even if he's 100% aro, again not all aro people abstain from relationships, and i don't necessarily think he's nonpartnering....

basically i think "solus" is a better term for the general phenomenon of being nonpartnering which is not aspec exclusive nor does it include every single aspec anyway. i'm not quite sure if there is a better mando'a word for aromantic though, based on the current extent of the mando'a dictionary. but again, maybe they don't even need a word for it

sorry this morphed into yet another exploration of mandalorian culture instead of focusing just on din but. many thoughts y'know

[askanaroace]

Can I get some clarification about "aplatonic"? I've read your tag on it but am still confused. Do aplatonic people still need social interaction? Do they need emotional bonds in some form to be happy? I thought these were universal needs but aplatonic people seem to prove this false. I might have some self esteem issues because I feel sort of guilty about needing that sense of connection to be happy if it's something people can not need, if that makes sense? I hope this wasn't irritating

If I found questions irritating, I’d’ve chosen the wrong type of blog to start!

I’m going to answer your questions because I know most people are likely baffled by aplatonicism. I know because I could not wrap my head around what it must be like before I myself was aplatonic.

However, I’m going to address something else first, because you don’t seem to really be asking these clarifications out of a genuine sense of curiosity and desire to get to understand aplatonic better in order to support your aplatonic family (hi!).

Something does not need to be a universal need, desire, or want in order for it to be a valid need, desire, or want that you have.

It doesn’t matter how I or any other aplatonic person feels in regards to if something you feel or want is valid. We do not control that. We do not hold some omnipresent power to validate or invalidate you.

Gay folk are valid even though some folk are straight. Bisexual folk are valid even though some folk are gay or straight. Trans folk are valid even though some folk are cis. Cultural-specific third genders are valid even though those genders don’t exist in other cultures.

Your desire for connection and bond and relationships is valid regardless of people who are aplatonic and nonamorous, whatever their own personal feelings about relationships.

This feeling of guilt you have over needing and wanting connection and bonds with others is absolutely an issue you should address in yourself. It is not healthy to beat yourself up over your own needs and wants. It is not harmful to want or to have relationships. Therefore feeling guilty over it absolutely has basis in something unhealthy in yourself that is hurting you. Please find a way to address and work on this in yourself. If you’re in a place where you can, this is exactly something you can work on addressing with a therapist or counselor. If not, try an app like Pacifica that can help you learn CBT techniques to keep mindful and treat yourself well. 

It is healthy to prioritize your needs and wants. People are diverse and complex. We do not all need the same things as one another, nor do we have to need the same things.

I need an inhaler to live thanks to my asthma and allergies. If you have properly working airways (or an issue which inhalers won’t help), you don’t need to take an inhaler just so I can be valid for taking care of my own life.

My sister is involved with a community of vegan folk because otherwise she feels very lonely and isolated being the only vegan she knows. I do not need to become vegan or join that community in order for a) her choice to be vegan to be valid, or b) her desire to engage specifically with other vegans to be valid. It is also valid that my sister feels lonely in her dietary choice even though I’ve never mocked her choice and always make sure there’s food for her at my place or any place we may meet up because it’s true that as someone with a far less restricted diet, I don’t understand the daily struggle to check every piece of food around to see if it can be consumed or not.

My friend deeply wants a child and is working hard with her husband to have one, including going through their options, as due to her health, pregnancy may be out of the question. I do not want to raise children at all. I do not need to want to have children for my friend’s desire to be valid.

People need and want different things all the time. There is nothing inherently wrong about this. When it’s wrong is when it’s hurting someone, and right now the only one being hurt is you for not allowing yourself to have feelings and desires. Of course we all want and even need validation at times, even when the choice is ours alone to make. But you shouldn’t need validation that 100% of people feel exactly the same way as you to allow yourself to feel a way.

Your guilt is unnecessary, and it breaks my heart that your brain would trick you into treating yourself like this.

You want connection and relationships? That’s valid. You’re valid. Go forth and foster connection and relationships. And don’t forget to work on learning to let go of that unnecessary and harmful guilt that you’re harboring. You deserve better than that.

Now, to try and briefly answer the questions you asked (because I don’t want to take away too much from the above):

Do aplatonic people still need social interaction? Do they need emotional bonds in some form to be happy?

Depends on the person.

First off, unless you’re a hermit (and even then, it’s not guaranteed you’ll never run into anybody), it’s nigh impossible to go without any social interaction whatsoever. There’s a lot of ways to get social interaction without having close friendships: shopping and interacting with a salesperson or cashier, smalltalk with people in an elevator you’re riding in, familial relationships, talking or even going out with coworkers, interacting with customers if that’s a part of your job, playing games online with folk, participating in forums and blogs, volunteering and helping people out, catching up with an acquaintance, going to classes to learn a new skill/forming a study group, joining a gym with group classes, etc. 

Emotional bonds can also be formed in a variety of ways. You can have a bond with your pets. An aplatonic person may also have a variety of other bonds. Familial bonds. Sexual bonds. Queerplatonic bonds.

Aplatonic means a lack of desire/difficulty forming platonic relationships. That’s it.

Some aplatonic folk may really struggle for form platonic relationships/bonds but may desperately want to. Some aplatonic folk may not really have friends but when they start getting to know someone well, that person goes from acquaintance straight to family. Some aplatonic people are not nonamorous/nonpartnered and may desire or have a queerplatonic partner.

For me, I’m pretty exhausted by the whole state of things. Yet, I have bimonthly dinners with my sister because I love her and it’s ridiculous that we live in the same city and almost never see each other otherwise. I started the dinners to improve the relationship I felt we had, since I think she feels like we can’t do anything together. Yet, I have a good relationship with my coworker. I work in an office with just him (our bosses are in another state), so a good relationship with him keeps things running smoothly and comfortably. Yet, I go out with my coworker and his wife (who is actually my friend from HS) because a) I had a close friendship with her before I became aplatonic and I still care deeply for her, b) it helps get me out of the house and I do usually have fun, and c) I know they appreciate it and I like making people happy. Yet, I still go to muay thai two times a week and chat with my instructor and laugh and talk with people I spar with because that’s a part of going to a group class, and I genuinely enjoy the atmosphere of the class and the attitude of the people that attend.

I don’t really have anybody in my life that I trust to tell or want to tell some of the deeper, more personal things about me, especially the bad stuff I’ve been through and being currently without healthcare, I can’t talk through these things with a therapist. Sometimes I do get lonely and hate that I’m this way. It’s scary that if something happened to me, I wouldn’t know who to call for help. Sometimes I just want to share, but I don’t feel I have anyone that I can do that with, and I don’t have the energy to put time forth fostering a relationship in which I could. And on the whole, I prefer to be independent, even though it makes some things harder.

We’re all human. We all have struggles. We all have our weaknesses. Some people may be happier and more confident being aplatonic than others are. As is the way of people of all groups. We don’t invalidate each other because we feel differently about our label any more than we invalidate you for not having the same label as us.

x