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undiscovered-horizon · 1 year

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Who am I to complain? - Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

[emotional and verbal abuse, unhealthy parent-child relationships]

SUMMARY: When your parents come to visit, Nikolai finally understands why you've never been keen to talk about them. Being the King and your husband, he isn't afraid to defy them.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 4.5k

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist<<

"Have you listened to anything I've just said?"

Nikolai shakes you awake from being lost in thought. You look away from the insanely interesting skirting board you had been staring at for the past ten minutes. He’s watching you with raised eyebrows, awaiting an answer.

"I…” you hang your voice. At first, you wanted to just apologize and ask him to repeat himself but then a sense of dread sprouts in your abdomen - one you can’t quite put a finger on but it takes over your entire mind. “I'm sorry, Kolya. Please, don’t be mad at me, I’m sorry,” you plead, gradually speaking faster.

“I’m not angry,” he states firmly. “But I am growing concerned for you, love. What’s going on?”

“I just keep thinking about my parents' visit,” you confess while rubbing your forehead. “Ever since the letter arrived, I can hardly think about anything else."

"Yes, I've noticed you have been a bit absent for the past few days. I assumed you were going to talk to me when you're ready. Are you?"

"They're not bad people," you begin in a strange tone that makes Nikolai doubt your words right away, "and they've only done their best to give me a good life. Despite that, they have a tendency to bring out the parts of me I've grown to dislike."

“Isn’t that what every family does?” he jokes in hopes of easing your visible discomfort. But his good humour is gone the moment you look away with a sombre expression stuck to your features.

Nikolai always considered himself exceptional at self-control but something about your sadness makes him gradually abandon reason. As you forlornly stare into the darkness of your shared bedroom, he’s ready to stick feathers to his clothes and pretend to be a peacock just to make you laugh.

“Love,” he calls out softly. His hand rests between your shoulder blades. “You’re the queen. If you want, we can call their visit off right away.”

“That would be a little rude, no?” you ask in a meek voice.

“It’s a lot more crude to make you cry.”

“I will be alright, really,” you reassure him. That miserable look on your face is slowly creeping away. “It’s just three days. Maybe they’ve changed or they’re a lot better than I remember. I’ll be okay.”

Nikolai is unsure whether you’re trying to convince yourself or him but he doesn’t push. Despite not believing your clumsy words of reassurance, he trusts you - he’ll step in only when things really get out of hand.

Nervousness and excitement often feel the same and one might even fool themselves into believing that the mortifying tension in their muscles is actually an impatient thrill. Today, however, you don’t even try playing a little trick on yourself. The more you think about your feelings, the more you’re convinced that it’s not even nervousness but fear. Still, you don’t quite understand why exactly your parents’ visit elicits such awful emotions from you.

The door to the throne room opens and a man in a white and gold livery steps inside. He quickly walks halfway to the dais with the throne.

The servant bows as deep as he can and clears his throat before loudly announcing: “Presenting her most royal Highness’s, the Queen’s, mother and father.”

Only then do your parents emerge from the hall, walking hesitantly through the spacious throne room. Two guards are following them and your father spares them a confused glance every few steps. But the armed men only usher him to keep walking and not turn his back to the king until allowed to do so.

Feeling fear exploding in your chest, you grip Nikolai’s shoulder even tighter. Sitting on the throne, he has to look up to meet your eyes.

“Calm down, it’s going to be alright,” he says quietly. A reassuring smile curves his lips. “You said it yourself.”

As though he is a Heartrender himself, his words make you relax. You take a deep breath and let go of his shoulder. At that moment, Nikolai stands up to greet your parents as their son-in-law first and only then the king of Ravka.

Right then, your mother quickly runs up the few steps leading to the dais. Her face is red and a deep crease now separates her eyebrows.

“I have to wait to be announced to see my own daughter?” She’s barely containing her outrage. “Nonsense!”

“I’m royalty now, mother,” you explain calmly. Your voice almost doesn’t shake.

“And I’m still your mother, the one that gave birth to you. Do I not get any benefits from that?”

Maybe some people don’t actually change.

“I’m afraid you don’t.”

“Is this gold?!” your father exclaims in shock as his hand reaches for your heavy necklace. “So because of you most of Ravka is starving?”

Too occupied with the jewellery, your parents don’t notice the palace guards stepping forward to arrest them for such an accusation aimed at the queen. Nikolai spares them a meaningful look, waving them off. In his heart, he agrees with them.

“Actually, this is a gift from a businessman in Kerch,” you say quietly. Suddenly, you remember why you’ve never visited them since your wedding.

“Still, don’t you think this is a little distasteful?”

Your mother places her hand on your father’s shoulder. “She’s always been vain, darling,” she reminds him.

You’re not a queen anymore - at least you don’t feel like it. All of the gold, silk and jewels are gone and you’re back to being a scared, little girl with hay stuck in her hair. Tears sting your eyes.

Whatever you do is wrong. All of your efforts are underwhelming. Maybe they’d be happier if you weren’t there.

"You're crying?” your father asks with a hint of disgust in his voice. “Oh, don't be so sensitive, you know we’re only joking!” He’s still holding your necklace in his fingers, admiring the glistening crystals. Standing so close to you, he lowers his voice significantly to appear inconspicuous but Nikolai manages to pick up his calloused words. “Pull yourself together, this is embarrassing.”

As she usually does, your mother brings the attention back to herself. “She can be a bit much at times, so I hope you’re a patient one!”

The guards exchange questioning looks, silently asking one another if they should intervene this time. Most of the time they follow Tolya and Tamar’s steps but they’re left to their own devices on this day as Nikolai ordered the twins to take a day off. Perhaps it’s for the best - they’d surely escalate this already uncomfortable situation but it’s only because they care.

“I’d say it’s quite the opposite,” Nikolai answers, unaffected. Despite his speaking to your mother, he’s looking into your eyes. “I can never get enough of her.”

“For most of her life, I thought she’d never get married!” your mother continues. She’s gripping your arm with much more strength than her appearance suggests. “Men don’t like them independent, stubborn and opinionated.”

Nikolai’s polite smile doesn’t falter. “Three qualities of an excellent Queen.”

Your mother laughs obnoxiously. “Just wait a few years, dear.” She pats his shoulder. The guards look between themselves again. “You’ll be quick to send her off just like we were!”

Both of your parents laugh wholeheartedly while you and Nikolai exchange knowing looks. Now he understands why you have been so uneasy lately. This is going to be the longest three days of his life.

The perplexity continues as your mother suddenly places her hands around your waist, examining your torso in great detail. A sour expression forms on her face.

“Oh, honey, you’ve let yourself go,” she says in a worried tone. Her eyes trail the curve of your physique up until she looks at your face. With a serious glint in her eye, she advises you under her breath: “You can’t get fat and slobby if you want to keep the king.”

The man who announced your parents appears again but this time he walks all the way to the stairs leading up to the throne, although doesn’t dare climb them. His facial expression borders on emotionless and serious as though he’s more of a marble statue rather than a servant.

“Your most royal Highness.” The man bows deeply. “The room is prepared.”

“Excellent.” Nikolai uses the opportunity to cut the awkward conversation short in a diplomatic way. “Escort our guests to their chamber.”

“Right away, мой царь.”

When the butler disappears around the corner with your parents apprehensively following him, Nikolai looks at you with a grim expression.

“Are they usually like this?” he asks, disapproval hiding between his words.

“They’re worse at home,” you answer with a shrug. A lot of terrible feelings and thoughts you were convinced you had left behind are coming back and you’re unsure how to handle that.

“You’ve put up with this kind of disrespect for your whole life?”

“It’s not disrespect, just…” you hang your voice looking for the right expression, “tough love. They don’t mean any harm.”

“Don’t mean any harm?” he repeats in disbelief. “They’ve been here for fifteen minutes and they are yet to say something nice to you. Neither of them even asked whether you’re doing alright.”

A short, troubled sigh leaves your lips. Your fingers trail the golden embroidery decorating his kaftan. “I’m married to a dashing, handsome king and live in a palace. I think they know I’m doing well.”

His hand gently grabs yours, keeping it against his chest. “As much I like flattery, especially coming from you, you can’t pull wool over my eyes, love. It’s not a matter of knowing but principle. Remember our wedding? The guests kept asking how you’re doing so much, you kept saying you’re perfectly fine before they even got a chance to ask.”

The memory elicits a chuckle from you. Yes, everyone seemed to be preoccupied with making sure you were happy and satisfied. It came to such a point, you yelled at Nikolai’s cousin ‘Yes, I’m fine!’ before she gave you a weird look and asked if you wanted some vodka mixed with your champagne. Truly, the only royal thing about Marina is her ungodly fortune but maybe that’s why you’ve grown to like her a lot - she’s down to earth and easy-going.

Nikolai squeezes your hand in a gentle, reassuring manner. “Just say the word and I will personally throw them out.”

“Kolya!” You gasp at his offer but it quickly turns into laughter. “They’re my parents and your in-laws!”

“They also refuse to show care and respect towards my beloved Queen.”

That mellow, loving look in his eyes nullifies any annoyance you might feel at his stubbornness. You pull your hand out of his grasp and place it on the side of his face. Consciously or not, he slightly leans into your touch. “I appreciate your concern.” Not minding the guards in the room, you’ve grown used to their constant presence, you peck his lips shortly. “But they have just arrived. You’ll warm up to them.”

Nikolai doesn’t answer at first. He only reconnects your lips, kissing you deeper, more desperately. When you feel his hands coming up to your waist, you lean away from him. For a moment, you swear you can see a grimace of dissatisfaction on his face.

“Be decent,” you reprimand him but the wide smile you wear so well rids your words of all seriousness.

“You started this.”

“And I will finish if you play nice.”

Nikolai takes a rather long step back, away from you, just to make a point. He’s standing with his hands behind his back, an excited grin on his face. “You make an exquisite diplomat, you know that?”

“I learned from the best.”

The time for dinner came faster than you wanted it to. Anxiety bubbled inside your chest again. Still, you continued trying to soap up your eyes with thoughts that maybe when they sit across the table from a king, they’re going to withdraw their little jabs at you. As they say: Hope is the mother of all fools. And you’re about to learn that.

Nikolai raises his cup with wine. “A toast to our beloved Queen,” he announces in an official tone. Out of the corner of his eye, he spares you an adoring look. “Without her, I’d be a lonely, perplexed king. May we not know the world without her.”

To your horror, your father decides to join him. “May she get a grip and come to her senses.”

The dry wine tastes even more bitter as you take what’s supposed to be a celebratory sip. What if he’s right about you? It’s only the beginning of the evening and you already wish you can miraculously vanish or, worst case scenario, just run away.

You’re about to take a bite of the roasted pheasant on your plate when your mother looks at you with raised eyebrows. She points her fork between you and the plate. “Should you really be eating all of this?”

You don’t answer her. Whatever you say will only egg her on. Get a grip, you scold yourself and clench your fist to push fingernails into the sensitive skin of your palm. The pain is distracting, grounding.

"You know, sweetheart, you're not getting any younger,” your mother continues. She always does that - throwing poignancies one after another and seeing what sticks. Now, when she’s literally the mother of the queen, she’s even bolder than before.

“Mother-”

“Don’t interrupt me.” She points her knife at you. “All I’m saying is as a wife, especially the queen, you have only one duty and you shouldn’t wait with it. Things will only get more difficult as you age.”

Nikolai gives your mother a bright smile. “Have no worries,” he cuts in. “We’re not waiting.”

You almost drop your fork. Flustering people is definitely one of his strategies but must he really involve your sex life in his word games? Although mortified at his bluntness, you must admit it works - your mother’s face is about the same shade as the roasted tomatoes on her plate. She casts her eyes downwards, poking at the food in front of her.

The air is filled with awkward tension but Nikolai doesn’t seem to mind in. In fact, he looks quite proud of himself. You, on the other hand, aren’t as good at putting up a believable front.

“So,” you begin in hopes of easing the atmosphere”, how are things back in…” You hang your voice. You were about to say ‘home’, only to realize that it would be an honest lie. The little town where you grew up hasn’t been home in years. “...Tamboyevka?”

“Oh, you know,” your mother says as she makes a dismissive wave with her hand. “Same old, same old. Cattle and field, nothing interesting to someone of your sort, I presume! There’s never been much use of you anyway.”

Listening to your mother’s condescending words, you push your fingernails further into the skin of your hand to distract yourself from the feeling of shame that continues to grow inside your stomach and pull you down with it. Maybe the marble floor will swallow you whole in the next few minutes and all of this will be over.

Then you feel Nikolai’s warm hand sneak between your palms, breaking up your painful distraction. He leans towards you ever so slightly and whispers:

“I’d much rather you pinch and scratch my hand than hurt yourself.”

You look at his concerned face. Words of reassurance, ‘Don’t worry, I’m alright’, nearly push past your lips when your father chimes in, continuing the conversation.

“But your brother, he bought some land down south,” he announces with excitement.

“More land?” you ask. “Ha barely manages with what he already has.”

The memory of your brother’s tired, grey face flashes before your eyes. Every time you see him, he looks even sicker than before as though he never sleeps or eats, only works in the field. He even collapsed on one July day and your parents kept saying that this is a sign of an honest, hard-working man but you weren’t as quick to call a man throwing up everything he eats ‘healthy’.

“You know how he is, always helping others.” Your mother is beaming with pride as if she’s the one doing the farming. “His crops feed two villages and it’s not nearly enough for him! Said he wanted tomatoes and citruses.”

Then it hits you. It’s not a revelation in any way but rather something you don’t think about too often - most of Ravka doesn’t get fruits in winter, especially the ones growing in warmer climates near the Shu Han border. And you not only can easily get it even when snow covers the grassy fields but you’re essentially fed it. Like that one time, you shared a tangerine with Nikolai while sitting in front of a fire, talking about unimportant things.

Despite your mother sitting right in front of you, her voice echoed in your head as though she’s a phantom haunting your thoughts and not a real person: Selfish. Spoiled. Entitled. Ungrateful. People starve because of you.

You focus on Nikolai’s warm, rough hand that’s still holding your own. The pleasant sensation is gradually grounding you, pulling you out of your head and into the present moment.

“What for?” you ask as casually as you can, not giving in to the spiralling thoughts. It still feels like you’re underwater, desperately gasping for air as your lungs burn. Squeezing Nikolai’s hand, you break the surface of the vicious tides trying to drown you in panic and shame.

Your mother, on the other hand, appears completely oblivious to your plight. “Some child told him they’d like oranges and he couldn’t say no. He’s wonderful, truly. A living Saint! What a blessing to call him my son. You should take a serious cue from him, young lady.” She waves the tip of her knife in your direction again. “But enough about your brother. What do you do when you’re not wasting time? Lay around and smell nice?”

“Well,” you swallow nervously, already knowing that she won’t be satisfied with your answer, “I meet a lot of people, take correspondence, travel across the country or read if I find the time.”

Nikolai must notice the telling crease of disappointment between your mother’s eyebrows. He joins the conversation under a skilful facade of a proud, boasting husband. “Don’t sell yourself short, love. Our Queen,” he puts strange stress on the title, “has started a scholarship for disadvantaged children, takes the time to teach young girls sewing, foreign languages and arithmetic.”

“That’s quite useless, isn’t it?” your mother looks between you and your father, not acknowledging Nikolai’s presence. She keeps stabbing the roasted pheasant on her plate with a fork as though there’s still life inside the poor poultry. “Shouldn’t you try harder?” she hisses at you. “If you continue being this lazy, the whole kingdom will fall apart! What will our neighbours say then?”

Nikolai suddenly gets up. He’s still holding your hand but you can’t be sure whether he’s doing that on purpose or if it’s just an unconscious reflex. The candlelight from the crystal chandelier cascades off his face, pronouncing the clenched muscles of his jaw - he’s angry and barely holding it in.

“Our meeting at this table is adjourned,” he announces in a firm voice. “This is beyond unacceptable. I have overlooked your transgressions simply because of your affinity to my wife. Still, I am disheartened and disappointed with the way you address your queen in her own home. The guards will escort you back to your chambers.”

You hear your mother and father trying to argue and protest, saying something about you being ‘too proud’ and ‘forgetting your place’ but you’re so dumbfounded you can’t make out the details. The guards lead them out of the dining room through one of the tall pairs of doors. When they close behind them, everything goes silent - the brick walls muffle any turmoil your parents might be causing.

Suddenly, your throat constricts. It’s hard to take a breath. Has it always been so hot in here? The tips of your fingers tingle, blood never reaching them.

He threw them out and you didn’t say anything. If they didn’t hate you before, they surely do now. You’re a disappointment, not their child. They haven’t done anything wrong, after all. You’re no good, useless, ungrateful, dramatic.

Suffocating with panic, you run out of the room through a different pair of doors, across the dining hall from the ones behind which your parents had recently disappeared. You hear Nikolai’s footsteps behind you but they are muffled by the noise of bloodflow ringing in your ears.

“Hey, talk to me,” he calls out in a soft voice. You turn around to look at him. His hand is almost at the height of your shoulder but it momentarily drops as though he just backed out from touching you. “What’s going on?”

For a man as smart as him, that’s a really stupid question.

“Why did you do that, Nikolai?” you snap at him.

His eyebrows furrow slightly. A gasp of disbelief brushes past his lips - he clearly thought the two of you were on the same page. “They were insulting you over and over again. I couldn’t just sit and listen to that.”

Truly, you should have expected that. He’s been adamant about standing up to your parents from the very beginning. Still, you’re angry that he just had to be stubborn and do the one thing you explicitly asked him not to do.

“What happened to laugh at insults? Isn’t that your own advice?”

“It is.” Nikolai finally finds it in himself to place his hands on your shoulders. “But I found myself unable to remain collected when the bitter words were aimed at you.” His palms brush against your dress and the skin of your neck until they’re cradling your face.

“I can,” you state firmly. “You should have let me handle this, I’m used to this.”

You escape his loving grasp and he lets you. Walking forward away from him, you’re not quite sure where exactly you’re heading. ‘Away’ would be a lovely direction but quite impossible when you’re confined to those four walls of marble and gold.

“You shouldn’t be,” Nikolai calls out after you.

Suddenly, you halt. You look at him around your shoulder. “What?”

“You shouldn’t be used to being treated like this,” he says in a defeated tone while walking towards you again. “They just keep putting you down, humiliating you. You’re not even slightly upset about that?”

“Of course, I am but…” you hang your voice, finally questioning your own feelings towards your parents. “It’s unfair for me to be angry with them. Ungrateful. I never went hungry or cold. They gave me medication when I was sick and made sure I went to school. Every year they’d give me something for my birthday. Neither of them has ever raised their hand against me. They’ve done all they could to give me a good life. Who am I to complain?”

“You’re the Queen,” he drones the word. His hand holds the side of your face again, thumb lovingly brushing your cheek. “People say your name in the same breath as the names of all the Saints. When I don’t know what to do or what decision to make, I always ask myself what you would do. And I’ve never once regretted that. There are important people who have agreed to my invitation only after hearing that you’ll be there too. You change everything. So you get to be angry when someone refuses to see that. I know you can take a few mean words but I don’t want you to.”

For a moment, the two of you stand in comfortable, intimate silence. Your absent gaze is stuck to the floor as you’re pondering his words. Whenever you’re about to accept that maybe, just maybe, you’re doing something good and important, the voice of your mother echoes inside your head: ‘Vain’. But Nikolai wouldn’t lie to you, would he? At least not in those circumstances.

“Can you keep a secret?” he speaks up quietly, bringing your attention back to him.

“Don’t tell me you put a wild racoon in my parent’s bedroom,” you joke, surprising yourself at your newly-found humour.

He scrunches his nose. “Alright, can you keep two secrets?” The echo of the empty halls carries your bright laughter. “To be honest, I wanted to marry you the moment you argued with me about stealing that merchant frigate in Kerch.”

“I could tell,” you answer with a slow nod. “You had a really stupid look on your face, all dazed and absent. In fact, you wore the same one on our wedding day.”

Nikolai’s lips turn into a playful smile and he’s about to say something definitely smart and smooth but a servant interrupts him:

“Your most royal highness,” she says nervously as she curtsies, “your mother wishes to see you. She seems thoroughly upset, if I may say so.” Judging by her fearful, wide-open eyes, she must have gotten a taste of your parents' hurt ego.

Anxiety once again floods your mind. Maybe you should go, apologize and pray they won’t go on a tirade about ‘raising you differently’. But then you hear Nikolai inconspicuously but meaningfully clear his throat.

‘You’re the queen’, his voice echoes in your head. A queen doesn’t cower and bow her head, does she?

“Tell her I don’t take visitations tonight,” you order the servant.

“Right away, моя царица.” She can’t hide the waver in her voice. Judging by her already fearful demeanour, she can guess quite well what will happen the moment she relays the information.

Yes, you will have to warn your parents that they actually can’t hurl insults at your servants. It’s going to be challenging, yes, but this newfound confidence is a ferocious beast, driving you to own up to the title of the queen - not in the way your mother and father want you to but in a way that you need to.

“Oh, one more thing.” The girl immediately stops and turns around at the sound of your voice. “Make sure they don’t leave their wing until either of us says so. I don’t want them wandering around my home.”

“Of course, my Queen.”

The servant bows again and leaves the two of you in a rushed step. Nikolai waits until she disappears around the corner to let his hand drop to the small of your back. He leans in close, indecently so. “I love it when you get all commanding,” he whispers against your neck.

An airy laugh leaves your lips as he pecks the soft skin behind your ear.

____

мой царь [mo-ee tzar] -> my tsar/king

моя царица [mo-ya tsa-ree-tsa] -> my tsaritsa/queen

#nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov fanfic #nikolai lantsov fanfiction #nikolai lantsov #nikolai x reader #nikolai lantsov x reader #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bones x you

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lakesbian · 2 months

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you know what. im going to follow my heart so we can move on with the wormread and just copy-paste what i said about danny in chapter 6.9 on discord with some minimal editing because it's not pretty but the general thesis is there and i don't feel like making it into proper paragraph form

okay so the thing thats fucking killing me abotu 6.9 is that danny is literally like. he tries to call taylor a nickname only her mom called her once he realizes he's fucked up bad and is trying to recover whichi s insane [because it's obviously going to be upsetting to her by reminding her of her mom being gone, and it also indicates that his fall-back for something going wrong w/ taylor is to try to appeal to her by poorly copying someone else's parenting style] and he also randomly tells her about how her mom wanted to move her a grade ahead but he wanted her to stay in school with emma to make her happy. and he's been Stewing On That despite knowing it's objectively not his fault (and i am reminded of how in his interlude he spends time Stewing about how he wishes annette were there to give advice) and he also cops up to the fact that that the whole thing about "being her parent and not her ally" (<- demented thing to say for obvious reasons) wherein he locks her in a room and demands emotional vulnerability from her even as she's becoming visibly upset & compares his actions to emma's was her grandmother's idea and then. here's the real kicker. once lisa shows up and prepares to take taylor away there are any number of actions a parent confident that they're doing the right thing for their child would normally do in response--not, like, Good actions, but things that a parent would be likely to pull. threatening to call the cops bc blah blah you're my daughter, wanting to speak to lisa's parents, any form of power move pulled over these two teenage girls but instead he speaks to lisa like she's an equal authority over taylor and seriously asks if she's "okay with this" (i should remind you of the concussion chapter where lisa is doing some insane power move shit over taylors dad covertly establishing herself as more competent at caring 4 her than him lmao) which is just like. it's so glaringly wildly obvious how this guy has Zero confidence in himself as a parent so he generally does nothing and then while he's doing nothing he oscillates btwn rationalizing it to himself as allowing her privacy/dignity, getting angry at himself/calling himself a coward, or getting mad at TAYLOR and blaming HER for not being the one to take initiation to be vulnerable with him and, like. he literally does make functional decisions prior to this for a bit! he's good and supportive at the meeting with the school board about the bullying!!! but it doesn't immediately solve literal years of distance between them that have led to taylor having to take decisionmaking for her wellbeing entirely into her own hands w/o being able to tell him about it [& having literally no route for human connection or support other than the undersiders] so he just completely crumbles on his own calls and seeks out/takes completely shit advice from taylor's grandma instead so i very much think what's insinuated here is like. especially given that he knows he has anger issues and never wants to Be Scary with them. he might have frequently leaned on annette for parenting decisions before she died and/or is really fucking haunted by the time(s) he didn't listen to her and it went wrong and now that she's gone he's just kinda floundering and trying to toss the baton for parental decisionmaking onto anyone else, including, at one point, the literal teenage girl who shows up to help taylor run away from his house. insane ! also. thinking about how taylor says her grandma (maternal) never liked her dad. that man would literally rather talk to the mother of his dead wife, who hates him, and take her advice than go 'yeah ithink im gonna keep using my own judgement for compassion towards my daughter' fucking worst anyones ever done it this guy has the spine of a twizzler it's great

...and then doing All That & severely triggering taylor's trauma from the bullying in the process completely shatters any trust he had built with her, catalyzing her realization that she wants to be able to have meaningful relationships with the undersiders & leading to her running away to leave with them! i don't think anyone can say for sure whether or not danny Not doing this would have led to taylor turning the undersiders in before realizing that she would regret it, but oh fucking boy does he make SURE she doesn't go thru with it. and it would be bad to call the cops on a bunch of systematically neglected traumatized teenagers regardless of how much crime they're doing so you know what maybe we should actually thank danny for his Shit Parenting stopping taylor from being a narc

#wormtime 2 #wormtime 2 arc 6 #wormblr #parahumans #read my disparate danny analysis boy

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kissingkiszka · 9 months

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Pickles & Peanut Butter - dad!Jake Kiszka x Reader

Requested!

words: 1k+

Summary: Just Jake being a wonderful husband and helping you through your pregnancy and domestic shit

CW: 18+, MDNI, pregnancy, fluff, domestic Jake, talks of body image, weird pregnancy cravings, fluff, I think that’s all

—————————————————————

Your third trimester of pregnancy was really kicking your ass. One of the biggest reasons that you were able to get through it was all thanks to your wonderful husband, Jake. He waited on you hand and foot and the never ending praise was enough in itself to keep you happy. You still remember the day you told him you were expecting.

...

"Jake-" you called out for him through sniffles. "C'mere."

He opened the bathroom door and immediately spotted the stick in your hand. He inspected it thoroughly, tears welling up in his eyes not long after.

"Wait- we're having a baby?" He swiped a tear from his cheek.

"Yes!" You beamed.

"We're having a baby!" He rejoiced. "You're going to be the best mama." He says as he bends down to kiss your still flat stomach. "Oh my god, I'm gonna be a dad."

"I've always wanted to be a mother..." you can barely manage to get any other words out. Your body is overfilled with happiness and emotion.

"This baby is gonna be the most insanely loved baby in the entire world. Our baby." He continues to smile through tears. "You've made me the happiest man in the world. First your husband, and now a father."

"Oh god. I can already picture you changing diapers." You cup your hand over your mouth and blinked back some lingering tears. "Doing all the dad duties."

"I gotta tell Josh-" he reached for his phone in his pocket to be stopped by you.

"Hold on, let's not tell anyone yet. We can surprise them."

...

He laid on your legs, his hands cupping your growing bump. He just finished giving you a well deserved and needed foot rub, one that he insists on giving you almost every day. He knows how insecure you've been feeling and does everything in his power to make sure you know how beautiful you are.

"You're glowing. You know that?" He coos. "Your stretch marks are so beautiful love." He tells you as he traces each one delicately.

You just stare at him in awe.

"We really made this baby together, huh?" He asks you, a wide smile breaking out on his face.

"Yeah, I guess we did." You laugh to yourself.

"I think I've fallen even more in love with you, and I didn't even know that was possible." As his words continue to butter you up, you feel your baby moving around. "I felt a kick!" He beams.

"Our little one loves their daddy." You smile, rubbing your free hand through his hair. "I think the little one wants pickles and peanut butter again, Jakey." You feel a kick as soon as these words leave your lips, almost as if your baby is agreeing with you.

"But you had that yesterday, baby." He speaks to your stomach with the biggest puppy dog eyes. He turns up to face you. "Okay mama, I'll make it for you. On one condition. If you let me try it with you." He smiles. "I need to see what our babies food palette is like." He stands up and makes his way over to the door.

"Deal." You place your hand on your stomach lovingly. As you go to stand, Jake rushes to your side to help you up. "Jake, I'm fine. However, your child has been kicking me all day."

"Oh it's my child now?" He laughs, realizing you aren't laughing with him and then immediately changes his demeanor. "I'm sorry. You're doing so well my love. Only a few more weeks. My superwoman."

He bends down to your stomach, placing a gentle hand on your bump once more. "Don't give your mommy too much trouble." He grabs your hand, not letting you walk down the stairs without him.

"Honey, I can walk down the stairs just fine. I'm only pregnant." You huff.

"Okay, okay." He let's out a defeated sigh, letting you walk down the stairs by yourself for once. "Just- go easy. You are carrying my child after all. Precious cargo."

You make your way into the kitchen, grabbing the peanut butter jar and the jar of pickles. Jake made sure to buy you a separate peanut butter jar, just for you to dip your pickles in. That had been one of the only things you had seriously craved the entire pregnancy. You dip the pickle into the peanut butter and take a big bite.

With your cravings satisfied, Jake does the same thing, following after you. He usually loves to try your cravings with you the first time you get them, but this one was just one he couldn't seem to get behind until now.

"Hmm..." he chews on the pickle. His brows furrow as his taste buds indulge in the flavor. You can tell he's not a fan of it, but he plays a good poker face just to make you happy. "Oh...it's uh- it's good!" He says, obviously faking it. He comes up behind you, wrapping on hand around your bump and grabbing your hand in his other.

"I love you darling. So fucking much." He whispers.

"Jake! Quiet! There's young ears around!" You slap his shoulder playfully, spinning around to meet his face.

"Oops! Sorry!" He shoots a hand up to cover his mouth. He laughs it off and then brings you into a kiss.

…

That same night while you were asleep, he ran out to the store and came back with a brand new jar of pickles and peanut butter. He placed them on your nightstand, leaving a little note next to it.

"My dear y/n,

I am so proud of you. Here's a little midnight snack for you. To spare you the trouble of having to rush to the kitchen in the middle of the night. But make sure to wake me up before you dig in. I live to share everything with you. Be it a pregnancy craving or an entire damn family. I'm here with you through it all.

All my love,

Jake"

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dearstvckyx · 18 days

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“That when a heart breaks, it ain't broken forever” - MV1

Pairing : Sierra Verstappen x Max Verstappen (Main) , Sierra Verstappen x Victoria Verstappen (Mentioned) , Sierra Verstappem x Blue Jaye Verstappen (Mentioned) , Sierra Verstappen x Sophie Kumpen (Mentioned)

Genre : angst , sad , emotional, just get the tissues okay

Mentions : drg use, addiction, death, character death, oc death

about oc : Sierra Verstappen ~~is~~ was the oldest sibling of the Verstappen Three (Her, Max and Victoria). Was a singer/rapper.

about : After her death due to an OD, Max is cleaning her house out and he finds tucked away in her office and cd holder with unreleased songs, one being Temporary.

Max sits at desk that used to alway occupy his older sister warmth and scent, staring down at the disc with his and Vics name he decides to put it into Sierra’s computer. The video begins with the camera low to the ground filming someone’s feet and Max, being the observer he is, notices it’s Sierra shoes. And as the camera pans up to familiar older girl with dyed dark blue hair and the blue eyes, he starts to get emotional seeing her face once more. And finally, He hears that voice that used to sing him to sleep, that used to stand up for him in school, the voice that would calm his anxiety down after a bad race or a fight with their father.

A lot of people ask me, am I afraid of death? - The truth is, I think what scares me the most - Is not being able to say all the things I wanna say to you - When I'm no longer here - So this song is for Maxie for when that day comes

Hearing not just her voice but calling him Maxie, the one who started that nicknamed, made Max tear up a bit. The video fake glitches, to a video of Sierra and Max when Max was a kid,

Where's Maxie? Where's he at?This ain't Maxie! Who is it? It's a monster (ahh)

Max laughed at the video from childhood, Sierra was the only one who could get Max into a video

I've been waiting all night for the sunrise - To take away the dark sky - You're the dad monster and them are the baby monsters and - I'm the mom monster - Oh - All it takes is a new day sometimes - To get me in a better state of mind - Give me a kiss, monster, give me a kiss - Love you (I love you)

Max takes notice that this part is talking about their family's dynamics and the hope that each new day brings healing. The video glitches once more to Max still pretending to be a “monster”. And hearing that ‘I Love You’ once more broke Max’s heart. Once the chorus is over, Verse 2 begins playing, the video cuts back to Sierra sitting in front of at TV that’s playing all and everything of the Verstappen Three (Sierra, Max & Victoria)

Yeah, so Maxie Emil, I wrote you this song - To help you cope with life now that I'm gone - How should I start? Just wanna say - Look after Vicky, Bluey, and Mommy dear - And, sweetie, be strong, I know I was your rock - And I still am, saying goodbye is just not - Ever easy, but why you crying? Just stop - Max, baby, dry your eye, this is not - Forever

Max hears the chorus began again before hearing,

Sissy - What? - When I used to have this when I was a little kid - Baby, are you okay?

Max was surprised to hear their mother's voice, but he was happy to hear it

Yeah, and you will get over me and move on - You can play me on repeat on a song - But don't you dare shed a tear, what'd I tell you? - "Straighten up, little soldier, " them times when I held you - Emilian, it'll be okay, baby, I'm here, Max - I'm watchin' you right now, baby boy, I vow - I will protect you, your guardian angel - As hard as this may feel, us parting is painful - And, darling, the rain will drive you insane still - You will remain strong, Maxie, just hang on - It won't be too long, I need you to move on - And remember, it will get better - 'Cause times heals and when a

Max realizes that, yes he can listen to her music but he wants to hear it person then a recording. Max remembers his fathers rage after a bad race of Maxs, which resulted in Max running away and sitting somewhere by himself crying before he felt the warmth and inhaled the strawberry scented perfume, he had relized his older sister was hugging him and talking him down from this panic attack. Max remembers the words “straight up little soldier. you did great and im still so proud of you.” That one word was one he really only heard from Sierra.

I know this big boy - And he’s really handsome - You know what his name is? - Maxie! - Maxie, how did you know?

Max laughs at his younger confident self,

Yeah, and if there's days where you wanna lock yourself in your room and cry - Just think about how when you were little, how you and I back and forth to the studio, we used to drive - You strapped in the backseat 'cause you were my little sidekick, yeah, sweetie, I know this hurts - Bean, I'm wishing your pain away - Remember this, Maxie Emil - There’s gonna be rainy days - I promise you'll get through 'em and make it regardless - Fuck it, Emilian, I'll be honest - I knew that you was gonna take this the hardest - Sweetie, get up, I know that is is breaking your heart, it's the hardest thing I ever wrote (daddy)Hailie, sweetheart, it's okay for you to let me go - Baby, I promise you that when a-

Max knows and remembers what his sister is talking about. Growing up if Sierra noticed Max was upset, stressed or tired, or just needing a break from karting or dealing with their father, she would take Max with her to the recording studio, Max was almost nearly the first one to hear her music before it was released.

And hearing that nickname Bean, The one Sierra created because Max hated green beans that he would throw them across the room. This part makes Max laugh once more, something he hasn't done in 3 weeks. And once again his bigger sister was right, Max is taking Sierras death harder then anyone, then their younger siblings, their father, their mother and the world.

What's your favorite song? My favorite song right now - Mine and your favorite song, - but I like this part, that's your favorite part, sis?

You're taping me, bitch - I got you on tape cussin' - Can you hear? -Yeah - No, bitch - No what? - No, I said, I said, no, bitch - Okay, no cussin'

Max laughs at this part, Sierra was more of a parent than Jos was to Max. Making him food before and after school, taking him to school, helping him with school work, going to any parent - teacher conferences. With this parental role Sierra had taken on she made sure Max did have some rules one was: No cussing. And Max remembers faking his sister out by saying words that sound close to the swears.

Max leans back, tears in his, and thinks for a moment before grabbing his sister’s phone and getting her managers number off it. Calling her, Max mentions he found the song and wants to see if they can release it, and they do. Max is happy for once these past couple weeks, he knows that she wanted him to find that song, to listen to it, to fight for it to be released. And Max knows Sierra is standing next to him smiling proud once more.

liked by landonorris everythingsierrav and others

maxverstappen1 i am surprised the new outlet haven’t said it before us, our sister Sierra Eliza Verstappen has passed away, today marks 5 weeks of her being gone and it’s something i’m not used to. i miss hearing her voice and her nicknames for me. i got in touched with her manager and label to release this song i heard when cleaning out her house, it’s called “Temporary” and in the words of my older sister, “i hope you enjoy, this masterpiece.” - Max Maxie

charles_leclerc she was a lovely person max ❤️

landonorris the big sister of the paddock

f1 the verstappen three !

victoriaverstappen she was proud of Max, of everything you have done and will do

sophiekumpen im so glad you fought for them to release this song son, you can tell Sierra meant every word

lewishamilton replaying this so many times

- comments haven’t been limited -

liked by sabrinacarpenter lewishamilton oscarpiastri and others

billboard Temporary by Sierra Verstappen sill stands at number one for the 34 week in a row, looks like being number one is a Verstappen sibling thing - Keep Streaming

- Comments Have Been Turned Off -

#max verstappen x sister!verstappen #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen #mv1 x reader #mv1 #f1 x reader #f1 #angst #sad #song fic #temporary #eminem song fic #eminem

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cressthebest · 20 days

Text

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 45

chapter 68:

1. “Some of those ashes could be Marlene.” bro wtf

2. listing out the names of the people who died in war destroyed me

3. james reacting to his father’s death by flinching away from effie had me broken. i’m destroyed. unwell

4. “The worst part is, when he says what he does next, it's not even a question. "After that, you're leaving."

Sirius' eyes flutter shut, and he croaks, "Yeah, Reggie, I'm leaving again."”

SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING IM UNWELL I WILL NEVER BE OKAY AGAIN!!! I WILL NEVER BE FINE AGAIN

5. “”Sirius, I love you more than anything. You're the first person in this world I ever loved at all. Not Mother, not Father, not James; it was you.”” STILL SCREAMING STILL CRYING STILL SOBBING STILL UNWELL

6. okay just all of the stuff with the black brothers has me in tears. their bond is unbreakable and my heart is in fact very breakable. i’m shattered over them

7. dorcas hasn’t left that spot in over twenty four hours and boy am i worried for her. she needs water. she needs to go pee, i’m sure. she needs to eat something and to rest

8. “Just not afraid to die, then?

No, I'm rather used to it, actually.”

STILL SCREAMING OVER MARLENE!!! STILL SOBBING ACTUALLY

9. “"You. Even you," Dorcas declares harshly, glaring at her. "I'd rather it be you. Instead of her, I'd rather you be dead."”

WOAH! hold up!!! i love marlene as much as the next gal, but nobody goes after my girl lily. she fought and fought and fought as well. she deserved to make it to this side of war too! she tried to keep marlene alive too. hold your horses dorcas.

10. 😧 did you just shoot my lily??? MY LILY??? holy fucking shit. she’s insane.

11. “Some of that blood must have been Marlene's. Dorcas wishes she had bathed in it; Dorcas wants to turn back time and drown in it.” 😟 i’m worried

12. “Never, through any of this, did [James] imagine losing his dad.” kill me. it would be more merciful than making me live after reading that

13. “Monty loved Sirius like a father did; Sirius is allowed to mourn him as a son would.” calling my freind again while sobbing brb

14. god I don’t know how to explain it, but every time pandora is mentioned and she’s alive i let out a huge sigh of relief

15. AROACE PANDORA SUPREMACY

16. i’m so horridly upset that lily lost almost everyone. she lost her family, she lost sybil, she lost kingsley, and dorcas tried to shoot her, so i’m pretty sure she lost her too. lily tried to not love anybody because she was scared of losing them, and sure enough, she was right

17. i get upset when everyone talks about going separate ways. i want everyone to live in one big town and live right next door to each other. i’m thinking hogwarts vibes (except better, ya know) or maybe the mansion they all lived in at the start of ahb!

18. as much as it upsets me that sirius is going to be leaving james and effie and regulus, i’m genuinely so happy that sirius is going to stay with remus

19. oh. i see why sirius has to leave. it’s best for everyone to heal a little before sirius sees his james and regulus again. because otherwise they won’t be able to heal

20. i love wolfstar, and this is so emotional but like, “Just—for right now, what I need is to be with you. I want—that's what I want.” all that does is remind me of high school musical with the “ALL I WANNA DOOOO IS BEE WITH YOU! ONLY YOU! NO MATTER WHERE LIFE TAKES US, NOTHING CAN BREAK US APAAAART, YOU KNOW ITS TRUE, I JUST WANNA BE WITH YOUUUU”

21. ““I wish I did love him that way," Regulus confesses, "because it would have been easier than this. It would have been easier to define how losing him feels, but it's not. James, it's not."”

god, i ache for him. like so badly. i so badly want him to have barty back. more than any other character. (sorry to marlene and monty and sybil and literally everyone else who died)

22. “It's still been three days since the end of the war, and Regulus wonders when they'll stop measuring the passage of time that way.” 😟

23. “Doomed to be a great, big tragedy.” *eye twitch* i’m fine. *even bigger eye twitch*

24. look, i know in the future, everyone will be together again and as happy as they can ever be. but rn, i’m sad

chapter 69:

1. “"I don't care!" Aberforth shouts. "I don't give a damn about your fucked up love story with our sister's murderer, Albus! The fact that you even came to love him to begin with sickens me, let alone that you continued to after he killed Ariana, and still do to this day!"” hell yeah put him in his place

2. “The dead sister card is a little underhanded, admittedly, but Aberforth knows a thing or two about manipulation tactics. He'd have to. Albus is his older brother, after all.” LMAOOOOOO

3. lily mentioning children and sirius and remus just locking eyes and panicking was so fucking funny. bro i’m wheezing

4. BRO AND THEN REGULUS BEING LIKE “you’ve??? never thought about kids??????? wtf??? me and james are having four you little loser??????”

5. dorcas just marching in has me so fucking scared ngl

6. oh god, dorcas became the president coin in this. she wants to make a new hunger games. oh god. oh no

7. as horrifying as it was to see sirius’ train of thought, him being the first one to say no is so fucking satisfying oh my god

8. good for remus fucking standing up for lily. everyone is blaming lily, and finally remus speaks up that the blame cannot rest on lily alone

9. 😧😧 not albus suggesting the jegulus wedding to help with the aftermath. bro he’s fucking insane. it’s so hallow-like of him to suggest that oh my god

10. oh my god dorcas has gone insane, is she about to tell everyone how albus was in love with grindlewald. that’s fucking insane oh my god i can’t wait

11. oh my god it’s even better. it’s that he came up with the rule for the quarterly quell. oh my god this is gonna be great

12. 😧 holy shit. sirius just killed albus. imma be so real, i expected one person to not leave that table, and i thought it would be dorcas, not albus. i thought she would be killed

13. minerva asking lily to be a medic and help save albus, and lily just not will forever be iconic to me

14. as a punishment they banned sirius from the hallow 😭😭😭 babes they knew they had to come up with some punishment as like a way to show actions have consequences, but they chose one that sirius would love 😭😭 that’s so funny to me bro

15. alberforth finally leaving his home is a very satisfying character arch

16. “this story is, first and foremost, about siblings—primarily sirius and regulus ofc—like that is the whole point of this fic, the core of it over anything else. and that feels right considering the source material, like in thg, it was always about katniss' love for prim and how important that was over peeta or gale or anyone else. and i just. i really adore that, and hope i paid a good homage to that, because i really admire it.”

you did. you did pay homage to that. it was abundantly clear that this was about siblings. and i love you for it. thank you, if you see this

alrighty six more chapters to go! i’m in the home stretch yall

#marauders #regulus black #james potter #jegulus #sirius black #crimson rivers #remus lupin #lily evans #dorcas meadowes #black brothers #sirius and regulus #wolfstar #pandora rosier #pandora lovegood #albus dumbledore #aberforth dumbledore

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galvanizedfriend · 9 months

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what are your top ten favorite klaroline fics?

Hello, nonnie! I see your asks have made the rounds. Really nice to see lots of rec lists circulating!

I had to give this a thought. It's very hard to come up with just 10. I could easily do a part II. 😂 But without further ado, and in no particular order, 10 of my favorite KC fics:

. The Parisian Deal by Borzoi

I honestly vary between The Parisian Deal and Paradise Lost as my favorite Borzoi fics. It depends. I think I'm in my Parisian Deal era, though. I've recced this a few times over the last few months, whenever someone's asked me for my favorites or humanity-less Caroline fics. For me, this is the best one that comes to mind. Borzoi's fics are all brilliant. I love their writing style to bits. It reads like a novel, it draws in and it grips you by the throat until the very end. This one features Klaus being called to the rescue by a desperate Salvatore clan when Caroline turns off her humanity and fucks off to Europe. Unlike her friends, Klaus doesn't threaten her, doesn't try to force her to feel; instead, he offers her a deal. And it's perfect. I love this story with my whole heart, I can't even tell you.

. In the Backseat by Lila2

After leaving Hayley as a wolf in the Bayou and earning the hatred of his entire family, Klaus shows up with baby Hope on Caroline's doorstop. He has no idea what to do with a baby, is too proud to apologize and is in desperate search of some validation, which invariably leads her back to her (just like in 5x11). Caroline is torn between being mad at him for having a baby with freaking Hayley, and also the fact that she loves kids and there's a part of her that resents him precisely because he gets to have them, when she never will. In her own way, Caroline puts him in his place and convinces him to make amends and go home, take Hope back to her mother - but only if she comes with him on the road trip. And boy, is it worth it. 🥰 It's a fic that has the baby as a catalyst for everything, at the center of everyone's woes in different ways, but it's not about the baby, in case you're a baby fic hater. And the writing is just chef's kiss.

. the birth and death of the day by @little-miss-sunny-daisy

For a good while there, this fic was my entire fandom personality. Whenever anyone gave me a second of their time, I'd preach about the birth and death of the day. I was obsessed. Kelly is a brilliant writer, so, so, so talented. I am not kidding when I saw I wish I could write like her. And the greatest proof of that is how this fic was everything to me, in spite of not being at all my cup of tea on the tin. I don't like Supernatural, I never watched more than two episodes, and the Klaroline bit here kind of takes on a secondary role to the end of the of the world. But it's such an intense and brilliant character study on Caroline that it had my whole heart from the start. Her relationship with her BROTHERS Dean and Sam is so heartfelt, and it exposes so much of who Caroline really is as a character. The plot is INSANE and AMAZING and HUGE and it's so incredible how it ties in so seamlessly with the Mystic Falls shenanigans. And then there is Klaus! When I saw secondary, I don't mean irrelevant. I just mean there's more to the story than just their relationship. But it is still brilliantly developed. Honestly, just writing about it brings me back memories. I love it so much.

. Quiet Light by @definedareasofuncertainty

I am biased when it comes to Luiza's fics because I'm a fangirl and I have been one since day one, before we even became friends. But in the years (years 🥲 we have been here so long, friend) we have known each other, her writing has only gotten better and better. It's atmospheric and understated and it has this mindfulness about it that I can't really explain. It really feels like being in the characters' stream of thinking, you get instantly pulled into it. It evokes emotions without it ever having to be minutely described, and I think that's such an incredible talent. I wish I could write like this! And Quite Light not only brings all of those things forward, but it also brings COMPLEXITIES and MORAL QUARRELLS and it was also WRITTEN FOR ME. 😌✨ Luiza thought she was getting revenge on me by torturing Elijah, but LITTLE DID SHE KNOW I actually loved it. I went into this thinking it would be just a rom-com style story (which I love), but it's so much more. By the end I was crying real tears. 🥲 It becomes such a beautiful story about the relationship between Klaus and Elijah. Honestly brilliant.

. light years by @definedareasofuncertainty

Honestly, this fic has a very specific target audience, and that target audience is ME. I'm not even exaggerating; this is one my favorite pieces of fic ever written in the KC fandom. The way a Klarolijah fic speaks to me can be so personal. 🥺 I love the Klarolijah dynamic. I really do. But it takes a very specific balance for me to feel it. It can very easily go from me loving it, to me wanting to throttle someone. And this! THIS!! This is absolutely it. 🥲 And it's just about my favorite thing ever. This is actually three mini drabbles combined into one. Each of them is written through a different POV - Klaus', Elijah's and Caroline's. And the combination of all three, the way they tell the same story through different eyes, is just !!!!!!!!! Honestly, I don't have words. This has ✨Yokan my beloved✨ written all over it and I feel it very much. Luiza has a ridiculous talent for writing things on the spot. She got prompted to write an Elijah piece, and then a Caroline piece, and then a Klaus one, and she wrote them all in like 30 minutes on one of her mini drabbles challenge, and OH MY FUCKING GOD. I hate her for how good she is. 😭 (I don't, I love her, but I also v much envy her talent).

. this is a harvest by @highgaarden

I spent a solid few minutes here thinking about which of Hannah's fics I wanted to list, because she has this huge catalogue and I've basically read all of them and have gushed over almost every single one over the years. But even though there are others that could easily be in my top 10, I always end of going back to This is a Harvest. I remember when I first read it, I closed the tab at the end and was just… Done. Not in a 'I can't stand this story/ship/fandom anymore', but in a 'this is the fic to end all fics' kind of way. And it's not so much about the style or the writing, which are both stunning, but the way the story is told. It's a canon divergence that spans over years and I felt it in my heart that this was where the story could've gone. The choices they could've made. The way Caroline's story could and should have ended. And I was satisfied. I started writing and reading KC fanfiction after TO was over because I was so indignant about the way the show ended, so unhappy that I needed to give it my own spin, and read other folks doing the same, and when I read this story I felt like I had achieved that. This is it, I can put this to rest.

Obviously, I was way too deep by then that I couldn't really abandon the fandom (even though, just between us here, I kind of wish I could), but for a whole week or two, I was at peace. This fic gave me peace. That's it.

. Into the Woods by @jinxedwood

"But Yokan, how would you like to see Klaus' part in Legacies play out?" Like this. Exactly like this. This story accepts the finale we were dealt in The Originals, and then makes something absolutely amazing with it. I love the premise, I love the mythology involved, I love how unique this take is, and I love how even though it's poignant and bittersweet, it still packs up everything about Kc that made me love this ship so much. Caroline has been in Europe for years trying to find a way to help her daughters with their Gemini situation, and then she ends up stumbling across something else entirely. While she thought the thing she most wanted to see on a brief stint on the Other Side would be Gemini witches, her heart betrays her by taking her to who she really misses the most.

. it takes a while to settle down by theviolonist

This story is so old school it was written before Steroline. It's about Tyler. But we all know who Caroline ends up marrying, so in my heart, this is really what happens before Caroline marries Stefan. And honestly, it works just as well. This story is a punch to your stomach, but it is PERFECTION in 8k words. It's hot, it's bittersweet, it's SO in character. Caroline's denial, telling herself that Klaus is there to see her because he still ones revenge on Tyler, when it becomes very obvious, very fast, as it always does on the show, that it's never about Tyler, it's all about her. UGH. Honestly, brilliant. (third fic on this list with a The National reference on the title, I SENSE A PATTERN).

. As One Wishes to Live by @lalainajanes

I had never in my life read a genie!AU, and simply could not wrap my mind around anything of the sort that wouldn't be extreme crack!fic. Imagine my surprise upon reading this story. It's bittersweet in the best possible way. At the same time it's endearing and adorable (and so very IC) to watch Caroline fumbling for a fair and non-insane way to handle Klaus, the genie Katherine accidentally gifted her with (and who just happens to look incredibly alluring), it's so very poignant to read Klaus' POV. He's Klaus in the way that he's suspicious and dismissive and kind of snobbish, really, but he's resigned to his fate. This is a Klaus who has been broken by years of enslavement as this prop who's there exclusively to serve others. Every time he mentions one of his past masters, you just get that stab - and so does Caroline. Laine is one of the most prolific and talented KC writers ever, and I have read and enjoyed so, so many of her fics, but this definitely has a special place in my heart.

. Psychedelic Kicks by @notalittlebutalottie

This is an ensemble story that has Klaroline at heart, but that gives every other character a moment to shine. And shine they do! Everyone gets their own side stories, and absolutely loved following every single one of them. Lottie made me care for characters I hate in canon, like Katherine and Kol. Even Stefan and Elena had my heart here. This fic is a journey, full of ups and downs, and it has such a satisfying end. It's also incredibly original in its setting and tone, which I think it's one of Lottie's greatest talents. It's very are for historical fics to be set in the 60s, and not only did Lottie choose this very particular time, but she also did such a remarkable job incorporating the decades' aspects into the story. Not just the fashion, and the music, and Woodstocky vibes, but the social and political unrest as well. This is a story with LAYERS, my friends, and it's incredible. I could totally see this being a TV show or a movie tbh. It's that good.

#klaroline #klaroline fic rec #klaus x caroline #yokan answers

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atopvisenyashill · 2 months

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apologies if you're not american, but i was watching a youtube video about the kennedy family and their various misfortunes and it just made me think about a twentieth century AU of jaehaerys and alysanne's family. if you didn't know, joseph p. kennedy was jfk's dad and ever since his first son was born, he was pushing for one of his kids to become the first catholic president of the united states. he had nine kids with his wife and pushed all of them to successful in one way or another.

most horrifyingly, joseph had his eldest daughter, rosemary, lobotomized because she was born with an intellectual disability and while she was at a convent, she had snuck out a couple of times and the nuns feared she engaged in pre-marital sexual activity. the lobotomy took away rosemary's ability to speak or walk and joseph had her carted away to an institution and never visited her. rosemary's siblings wouldn't know about the lobotomy until 20 years later. that entire story just made me think of gael, daella, and saera all at once.

Okay first off, i am an american, i wouldn't say i know a LOT about politics but there are a few eras I've read a few books on and gone on wiki spirals over because they're interesting to me personally, and second of all, I THINK ABOUT ROSEMARY KENNEDY AT LEAST TWELVE TIMES A DAY.

I have like, a whole rant that revolves around her that I will spare everyone but omg. Her story is like, breathtakingly horrific, and she isn't the only person to be subjected to this sort of behavior as a form of social control; a lot of women were lobotomized by their fathers and husbands for "unruly" behavior that usually amounted to them either having some sort of mental illness (like bipolar disorder or depression) or were just like, regular horny 20 year olds. The Kennedys in general are insane and I will admit to finding them a bit fascinating because the entire concept of Camelot was essentially just some rich american family attempting to remake the concept of Divine Nobility in the usa? Insane behavior especially when you look at contemporary royals who are often miserable as fuck on an emotional level (which monarchy is it where they're so strict about marrying they're practically gonna die out soon icr but it's like...these people are INSANE why would you want to emulate them, emulate some rich people who don't regularly get guillotined at least damn). But anon, if you're interested in this, one of the podcasts i listen to, behind the bastards, has a two parter on the guy who invented lobotomies and just did a two parter about the kennedys (with a focus on rfk jr, but he went into the kennedys in general). the lobotomy one is real good it made me want to throw up a bit lol.

ANYWAYS. I definitely agree that the Kennedys are a really good modern example of the Jaehaerys & Alysanne era Targaryens. Like, a patriarch attempting to make himself and his family into legendary heroic myths while they're still alive, willing to feed as many children as necessary into the meat grinder if it means getting a leg up, the public having this beautiful idyllic image of them but its all this fake, hand crafted image to hide this incredibly sinister reality. can't have your girls exhibiting sexual agency, but can't let them exist without Serving The Family as baby making machines either, so you punish them for having sex when you don't want to, and when their bodies fail because they're too damn young to have kids, you punish their mothers for grieving. you force your wife to have more kids that you won't take care of, you punish your wife for not wanting to be parted from them, you punish your wife for not wanting them married young, you ensure your sons will never lift a finger to help their sisters, and you play god with your own family and then rage at them when they don't act like puppets on a string for your benefit.

#my fascination with them started with jackie o bc my grandma was in love with her. grandma experienced a lot of loss in her life #and when jackie o refused to let the media use her kids in photo ops after jfk was killed my grandma fell in love instantly.#she had so much respect for the fact that she was like 'no my children deserve to have a childhood' as someone who didn't get one #it's crazy the way people talk about them bc when you peel back just one layer of glossy finish you find some DERANGED FREAKS #also if anyone is like 'you listen to robert evans huh' i have so many opinions about his politics i could write a thesis on it #asks #anons

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masterbuilderintern · 3 months

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Would you be able to share your Axel headcanons? 👀👀👀👀 I am intrigued.

Congrats you just opened my insanity box.

-Axel shows a lot of symptoms of neglect through hating his own emotions or just a simple scene of him being afraid to outright ask for something from Jesse. Almost all of the scenes I'm thinking of are meant to be jokes but they aren't really funny to me. I take this game WAY too seriously, it's a little embarrassing LMAO.

He's also not nearly as aggressive as he initially seems? Like in his interactions with Lukas, he obviously hated that guy at first but he never physically hurt him. A lot of bark, but only bites if you make him.

A lot of talk just to say he totally had an okay parental figure in his life (personally think he was raised by a single mother) only to lose them very early on and absolutely nobody helped him after the fact. He idolized the griefer attitude, a life where you do whatever you want whenever, where you make your own rules. A very "hurt people hurt people" kind of life and he's not even realizing the issue.

For all members of the treehouse gang, I like to think they ended up together through their shared experience of being constantly let down by a world that should've been there for people like them. Whether it was a specific tragedy or just being a little "different" from other people, it caused them to isolate at some point in their lives.

MORE LIGHTHEARTED HEADCANONS:

-Axel has a quiet interest in brewing. Over time he became less embarrassed about it, especially with Ivor around to teach him better. In my perfect world where Axel and Olivia came along for the portal arc, Axel actually supplied the potions Lukas needed to recover from the Sky City incident.

Sure Ivor could've done it, but "It's good practice." Or that's the excuse Axel gave.

-He's also very good at sewing. Specifically, because he made that creeper mask and Enderdragon costume for Reuben. I just think it's cute. I need to do a sketch page of it but I like to think Axel has a mask collection he made himself.

Axel comes off as a tank main that subclasses as a healer to me.

-Petra is the coolest person ever to him. Even after he gets to know her. He had this unrealistic idea of her for a while but after getting to know her found out they share a lot in a much deeper way than just "the fighters." It changed how he saw her but for the better.

It's almost like when you have an older sister you idolize and when you grow up you still look up to her but you're also aware that she's just a person.

-He's always bickering with Olivia, like all the time. But if anything happened to her he'd become a serial killer real fast.

LESS FUNNY HEADCANONS:

-Axel took brewing more seriously after the F-Bomb incident. He never wants to be in a situation where he doesn't know what to do when someone is hurt ever again.

-Also, Axel has definitely been desensitized to death, he was way too normal about people killing themselves in Boom Town. My man has been THROUGH IT. Well, desensitized to STRANGERS dying, anyway.

-Jesse went with Olivia to Redstonia and Axel went to Boom Town alone. This symbolizes two things. One: It's a really big moment where he admits he's grown to trust Lukas a lot more to keep an eye out for survivors and fortify HQ by himself. Two: Boom Town made Axel realize how flippant he's been with his own safety, and how much he needs to start caring more because he has people in his life now that he doesn't want to lose.

#mcsm #minecraft story mode #axel mcsm

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deathmetalunicorn1 · 1 year

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omg you're so good at breaking my heart 🥺💔

the poseidon and charybdis headcanons have been breaking me but the latest one 😭

Please can we have an au where poseidon actually wins or charybdis decides to give him a chance? I have a feeling he'd be SUCH a yandere!dad, especially in the last part of the fight where he screams "I’m taking Charybdis- my daughter, back from you filthy humans!"

Poseidon as a yandere!dad would be so insane, he'd be so possessive, obsessive, and overprotective especially since he has such a sweet and innocent daughter 🥺🥺

-Despair and guilt were the only emotions that Poseidon could feel, as well as anger at himself.

-You, his little daughter, was lost. You had found a new family, a new papa and mama in Adam and Eve, calling them such.

-You now had a massive family, between your new parents, the human fighters, the valkyries, and Hercules.

-You no longer needed him. You no longer wanted him.

-He wallowed in his own anguish, all of which was his own causing, hiding away in a private room that he trashed within moments of entering, then sat for what felt like hours.

-Poseidon was in a fog, unable to comprehend any thoughts other than you, what he did to you, and what he didn’t.

-As a king, he kept all emotions locked deep within him, hidden away from the eyes of others, from the eyes of those who look up to him and respect him, even if it is respect out of fear.

-But seeing you, his child, terrified of him and calling another man, a human man of all things, your papa.

-Poseidon longed for a second chance, to go back in time to that point where he walked away from you and your mother, to take you with him instead of abandoning you.

-He longed to be able to go back and defend you against Zeus; Poseidon clutched his chest over his heart as he could only remember your face when you told him that you were just so hungry, and for it, you were severely punished.

-His eyes widened, “That’s it!”

-He quickly ran out, searching out a specific god, one that he knew would help him, or else.

-Poseidon ran into the room of Chronos, Greek God of time, shocking him as Poseidon ran to him, grabbing his arms, desperate, “You can send people back into time, right? Can you send me back into time?!”

-Chronos was going to refuse, before he saw the desperation in the eyes of the sea god, “State to me your intentions first. Unweaving what has been done to reweave it may cause more problems than what you have now.”

-Poseidon shook his head, “I don’t care! I’ll deal with the problems if they should arise! I want to save my daughter from those filthy humans!!”

-Chronos nodded, opening a portal to the past, “Think of ‘when’ you want to return to. This portal will take you there.”

-Poseidon shocked him a second time by thanking him and ran through. The pain he felt was immense, time returning to the day he abandoned your mother, no longer wanting to be with her.

-He gasped harshly, holding his chest as he looked around, seeing he was younger, a bit smaller, all his memories remained as he immediately turned, hearing you crying as you begged your mother not to leave you as she screamed at you that it was your fault he left.

-Poseidon immediately stalked over, seeing you in tears, “Wrong, it was your fault I left. And I only left you, not Charybdis.”

-You gasped, seeing your father and you immediately stood and ran over, “Papa!” he caught you, holding you tightly, he silently vowed that he would never abandon you again as your mother screeched in defiance, going to charge at the two of you.

-Poseidon held you tightly, “Close your eyes and don’t open them until I tell you to.” You nodded, burying your face into his chest as he gripped his trident and attacked and killed your mother.

-Once he walked far enough away, he pecked your forehead, getting your attention as he smiled softly down at you, adoration in his eyes, “You’re safe now, my daughter. Nothing will ever hurt you again.”

-You beamed, hugging him around his neck, “I love you papa!” he hugged you back, continuing to walk as he thought about what he could do to make things safer for you at this second chance.

-As much as he wanted to get rid of the humans so they wouldn’t take you, Poseidon wanted to show you how compassionate he was, not wanting to scare you away, he wanted you by his side with love, not fear.

-Many of the other gods were shocked by Poseidon’s sudden change of attitude, wanting to help the humans, and he demanded the same of the other gods, punishing those who were so cruel to humans, telling everyone that the human are their creation, their responsibility, it’s their duty as gods to guide them to create a better world!

-You were in awe of your papa, praising him for being so kind, and he ate up every one of your praises with glee, making sure he did the same to you, doting on you and caring for you, as you were his precious daughter.

-He wasn’t going to lose you again.

#record of ragnarok #ror x reader #ror poseidon

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maxinemartinsdrill · 3 months

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spn women I have strong feelings about:

1. ROWENA ROWENA ROWENA. Rowena will get CRAZYYYYY interesting backstory dropped in various episodes and ppl just ignore it. like she grew up poor and when she had Crowley she was miserable and alone and she despised him for it because she needed to be strong and he felt like a weakness to her. and then she spends years fleeing witch hunts running around Europe and she finally grasps some level of power to find security because magic is her way out magic is her strength etc etc. and we first see her killing pimps and then helping those girls and then punishing them for lacking the strength she wants to see in them. like is she a nice person? absolutely not. but the reasons for her desperation to hold onto power are SO SOS SO COMPELLING. ppl would be allllllll over her if she were a man I mean that so sincerely.

AND THEN. She meets the Winchesters and they keep kidnapping her and she gets thrown into all this shit with Lucifer and she's not as strong as she thought she was. she's not strong enough to be safe. but the she gets to know Sam better and she finally gains the levels of power she's sought of angling for as well as some of the emotional security because he's vulnerable with her and he gets it a little bit. and she can let herself be bit more vulnerable and she can open herself up to feeling more than just scared or vengeful. the fact that when she's safe she will let herself love people??? excellent. like her becoming less evil to me is wayyyyy more interesting than the way spn does this a lot of the time and it feels rly fucking authentic.

AND EVERYTHING AFTER THA IS GREAT AS WELL. her trying to decide where she stands morally, admitting she did awful things to herself and getting on with it, only being able to love her son after he's dead, bequeathing Sam everything she had after she died. LIKE THERES SO MUCH THERE. and obligatory Lucifer trauma mention because samwena Lucifer trauma bonding was what got me back into spn and into Sam in the first place.

2. BILLIE. singing oh death in the hospital. holding Rowena while she completely loses itm she is THEE benevolent death to me. I love the fact shs one of the only characters who banters with Dean on his level of strange anachronisms. Love how when she was reaping him she was debating whether to tell him sam was still alive. possibly I am just obsessed with her because for once they gave a woman interiority in a way that wasn't inherently evil (like she wasn't portrayed as a saint for it but it was like just business) and then s15... At least 75% of my hatred of the cas confession comes from the fact they made Billie 'evil' in order to set it up.

3. Mary.... ohhhhhh mary. More about the implication than anything else - 'they couldn't stand each other at first but by the time we were done with them...' truly awful. the way she tries her whole life to get away from hunting and runs right back into it. and she comes back to deeply troubled children who she is expected to parent without having any idea of how to do this because she does not know them. and she's a mother to them not mary.

4. bela talbot :(( you're dying. And utterly alone. and you died to free yourself and you've been running and running your entire life but you can't run any longer. and there's someone on the phone, maybe the only person who can understand you. you're similar and he may as well be the only person left in the world. and then he calls you a bitch and says you deserve to die. and you get ripped apart by dogs and tortured for the rest of eternity.

5. KELLY KLINE!!!!!!!!! craziest mf on the show istg. again do I think the writers were trying to do anything serious with her? No. BUT THE IMPLICATIONS. like as I have rambled about before she is insanely republican and Christian pregnant with the antichrist AND on the run with a queer fallen angel who went on a blasphemous murdering homophobes and republicans spree a couple of years back. she is overwhelmingly positive despite this possibly because she is completely divorced from reality due to her bizarre politics (how to have an affair with the president in a god honouring way is it morally wrong to get an abortion if the fetus is the devil etc). and for some reason she is convinced that jack will save the world which is so fun!!!! I also really enjoy the fact that most of her bizarreness was left to be implied because it allows us to see her as a normal person doing her best in an awful situation and empathise with her. Despite the fact that they could have easily made her a full blown lady Jessica type (i don't know enough about dune to say if this is right) with the whole magical pregnancy manipulative religious delusions/cult type thing going. which would have still been interesting but also lacked depth in places. here they just tell you shes absolutely ridiculous and then have her interact completely normally despite the abnormal circumstances. which (accidentally???) gives her a lot going on. also the bit where she meets jack in heaven and realises he's dead the 'cas said he would look out for you' one of if not the most devastating line in late seasons spn not even joking.

honorary mentions:

Amara :))) literally 90% if when she is on screen I am unconvinced however gimme shelter was sooooooo good. SHES A FEMINIST!!! OBLIGATORY SHOUT OUT TO THE WIRE MOTHER CLOTH MKTHER DEAN AMARA POST

#spn #spn women #i hesitate go even put billie on here #because i left any angels out because of weird angel gender stuff #but shs on. here anywa #billie #rowena macleod #bela talbot #kelly kline #mary winchester

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chairteeth · 9 months

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Touka, Nemu, and self-perception

Yet another TouNemu rant! Self-perception this time! Surely this CANNOT GO WRONG! Spoilers exclusively for TouNemu-related stuff in Arc 2. You will most likely be fine given that the only faction I even mention here is the Union and it’s mostly to bash them over the head with a metal chair for the crime of kicking rescue puppies. Insane ramblings beneath!

This may not seem related, but I want to start by talking about what Touka and Nemu are like as parents and why, because it's very interesting (by parents I mean with Sakurako). Touka learned the dos from her dad, and Nemu learned the don'ts from both of her parents. If you compare the parenting styles of the Satomis vs the Hiiragis, a few patterns emerge. Touka's mom we are disqualifying as per my own made up lore explanation for her absence (heart condition depression guilt spiral), but before I say anything about Nemu's mom, I'm gonna compare the two dads, because when you think about it they're a little similar!

Nemu's dad is literally a ghost. We have NEVER ONCE seen that man but we have had him mentioned multiple times. Unlike Touka who avoids mentioning her mom ever (other than the one time in her MGS’ Episode 3 and also the time Nayuta mentioned her in her quotes), Nemu does mention her dad a bunch, usually in the same context as her mom, which implies a few things that I may get into later, however the excuse/explanation given is that he's busy with work. Which if we put him next to Touka's dad is an interesting (read: terrible) excuse. Touka's dad is very busy. He's busy with politics stuff apparently, with the multiple businesses he owns (as far as I’m aware), with the hospital he's a director of. Things were probably easier when Touka was still hospitalized, yet in Arc 2 he makes time for his child, even when it's not "necessary". So what's your excuse exactly, Mr. Hiiragi?

That interesting comparison aside, Nemu's mom has entirely shaped her parenting style, perfectly on display with Sakurako. You will notice that Nemu always asks Sakurako questions. About her day, about her emotions, etc. You know. Just like she wished her mom had done for her, which Mrs. Hiiragi of course never did. What with her habit of visiting her hospitalized terminally ill child only to infodump her and leave. Nemu also cooks with Sakurako like her mom cooks with her (on occasion, when she remembers she has a daughter). Essentially, Nemu is acting with Sakurako like she wishes her mom would act with her. I need to stress the psychological impact this tier of emotional neglect has had on Nemu; once again, this is a hospitalized, terminally ill child, who has been isolated and away from home for years (presumably). But the isolation and pain of being an inpatient, likely most often in pain, not knowing if you’ll see the light of morning each time you go to sleep, and complete lack of emotional support from adults was not enough! Of course not. Instead, Nemu was parentified.

Hear me out. You may not have thought about it before, but Nemu, the people pleaser that she is, has been made to cater to and take care of the emotions of fully grown adults (her parents), and like most victims of abuse/neglect, she defends them. The poor girl desperately wants her family to love her. She assume-gaslit herself into thinking her mom handmade the socks she got for Christmas while hospitalized AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT. Nemu, sweetheart, I'm sorry, but literally nothing I've seen from your family tells me that your mother would do that. When a child forcefully matures faster than they should, it very much scars them mentally, like the physical stretch marks some of us get when we’re younger from growing too much too fast. Being forced to take care of oneself, feeling misunderstood, closing off from your peers, being parentified by the adults around you, just generally growing up before you're prepared for it… In an isolated hospital environment, Nemu and to a slightly lesser extent Touka (and to an even lesser extent Ui), had to, in some aspects, mature much faster, but were left with a complete void in terms of experience.

Children learn mainly from the experiences they have, and on that, Touka is right. They were robbed of those experiences. All three of them thus show signs of resentment issues, self-blaming issues, and "I'm a burden" issues (Touka may not have that last one, but she has other issues to make up for it). There's also just the inherently traumatizing experience of waking up in pain. Being helpless. Finding scarce enjoyment in being alive because you're so in pain all the time. The extremely scary idea that you will not know if the pain/discomfort you feel is Just Another Tuesday of living in your body or if you’re in urgent need of medical attention and should perhaps inform the doctors/nurses that something is wrong. Not knowing if something is actually wrong or not, and the habit of keeping it to yourself because you either don’t want to bother others/be a burden or you don’t want to be seen as the Boy Who Cried Wolf of the ER, can lead to absolutely terrifying situations. For example you could have a horrible kidney infection that’s almost septic and not realize it because well, you’re always in pain/uncomfortable around that area. Surely this is nothing. When you’re used to being in pain, you stop noticing it as much. Desensitization. It’s confusing and distressing to live every day in a body that is deeply and terribly sick like that, ESPECIALLY for a child.

Anyway. Back to Nemu specifically. She mentions in her quotes that although people say she doesn’t show her feelings much (or that she “lacks emotion” as NA my beloathed put it), she feels plenty in her heart. Hey… Hey wanna know why that is? Sure it’s part of the way she is by nature, but a big part of why she’s like this is—take a wild guess—her parents! Again! From her perspective as we saw in her MGS, she sees her emotions as a burden on others, particularly her family. The reason she seems emotionally distant is actually one very fun (read: sad) flavor of the people pleaser. Actually, I think I’m going to quote this post:

"Think about it. In real life, the person that's bottling up all their emotions is not the one that's brooding in the corner and snaps at you for trying to befriend them. More often than not, it's that friendly person in your circle who makes easy conversation with you, laughs with you, and listens and gives advice whenever you're upset. But you never see them upset, in fact they seem to have endless patience for you and everything around them—and so you call them their friend, you trust them. And only after months of telling them all your secrets do you realize… they've never actually told you anything about themselves."

Guess who fits the “emotionally repressed character who is mellow” type! That’s right! Our resident sad author! That’s, also why in some of my AUs I give her severe repressed anger issues but that’s beside the point. That whole post is very much just… Nemu. She separates herself so that she won’t be hurt—or at least, not as hurt as she would be if she was feeling everything in full. It's really really sad because she seeks out and buys gifts for her family, specifically learning everything they like down to their tastes (she even mentions her mom's taste in food). Just a quiiick consideration: does it seem to you like they're putting in even an ounce of the effort she's making? Because I have a feeling even Nemu must’ve realized what a lost cause it was, eventually. I can’t stop stressing how badly she wants to fit in and be a part of her family. Not to mention how badly the Arc 1 finale must have crushed her internally. In a family of athletes, with how excited she was during Arc 1 to get to Do Things in a healthy body? To lose one's legs?

Everyone leaves her behind… Well, everyone except Touka. Speaking of Nemu’s relationship with Touka! Back at the very start of things, in the hospital, I assure you that Nemu held Touka in this sort of hateful pedestal that she wanted nothing more than to rip her from, out of envy. Because Touka's dad evidently loves her, spends time with her, pays attention to her, gives her affection and Oh You Know. Everything Nemu has ever wanted. So I believe that if that relationship hadn't improved, Nemu would've grown to hate Touka, viscerally and intensely. Because simply put, she has everything Nemu wants and can never get. And when you're so isolated you have no one to talk to, especially if you're like Nemu or Touka (introverted and doesn't like talking to strangers especially about Emotions and Big Thoughts)… Coping mechanisms like writing will not get you that far if you don't have the support you need. Which leads me to MY NEXT POINT:

“If I can't be useful, I am worthless.”

Ha. Hahaha. So. I've gone on and on about just how bad an inpatient hospital environment is for a child, especially a child genius with little to no emotional support who is also terribly socialized. But I really need to talk more about the prodigy trauma. I am pretty sure more than one person reading this will be familiar with being considered "gifted" either period or only as a kid due to neurodivergence or whatever. Society is NOT nice to gifted children/geniuses. And, adults tend to praise children who show a lot of academic prowess and encourage those interests. The problem is that they often do it so much that it's everything the child ties their identity and self worth to. They also do not praise other things, as in only the highlight is ever praised, which causes even more severe tunnel vision and a more deeply rooted sense of This Is My Special Thing That I Am Good At And I Must Always Excel At It (this often leads into pretty bad perfectionism). For example, Touka's dad tells her on multiple occasions that she has to use her prodigious intellect to help others. He does this with good intentions. HOWEVER let's just say that may not have processed quite like he expected.

Let me try to go layer by layer with this. I'll use Touka because she's the more "traditional" type of genius (the STEM kind). I know that in private circles I have joked about her having a budding praise kink because of how she reacts to being called smart BUT it's actually at least mildly concerning that she completely changes her tune on something when praised, and she's only ever praised on her intelligence. That is what makes her her. It's what makes her special and unique. Touka has a superiority complex and an inferiority complex simultaneously which I will elaborate on at some point, but her dad has also sooort of tried to drill noblesse oblige into her. By the way she speaks (the astronomy class presentation in her MGS Episode 3, her line about Nemu's writing in Nemu's MGS Episode 3, that one damn scene in Arc 2 Chapter 5)… she sees the world entirely in terms of giving and taking and stealing. And that's, not hugely healthy, for starters, but then! Arc 1 happens. And I already talked about what Arc 1 did to both Touka "Maskwearer" Satomi and Nemu "People Pleaser" Hiiragi (their mental health is so good! /s), I have one essay for each of those. But I don't think I've ever discussed what happened in their heads after Arc 1. Because arguably, that was worse. I have another essay about the development of their characters in the works but I’m trying to actually make that one a bit more well-organized so it may take a little longer.

Touka had a job to do. Nemu had a job to do. They had a goal and a purpose, a promise to deliver on. They failed. What then? What do they do after the dust clears? They panic. As soon as they've had some time to actually process the extremely traumatic shit they went through and how badly they have fucked up, they internalize all of their guilt and it destroys them from the inside out. And what can they do? Nothing, really. Everyone hates them. They're failures. They have no purpose. No use. Who are they? They don't know. They're lost. And no one is there to guide them. So they try to do what they think is right: taking themselves out of the equation. They serve no purpose and are of no use anymore. Worthless. All they've done is harm. Mind you, this is never at any point mended. These wounds are left to fester. If you pay attention throughout Arc 2, the Union relies on them for several things, but they're never quite part of the group. They never quite rise above their status that they gained after all that happened in Arc 1. Which is why they kept trying to throw their lives away, among other things. When you’re doing your best and your pretty significant efforts are never acknowledged, it’s extremely discouraging, and for them, works with a fun concept we call confirmation bias. And that leads me to the names I gave the two atonement suberas. Sinner and purpose. The sinner subera is the one where they are self-flagellating harder than worshippers of Loviatar in D&D, and the purpose subera is the one where they finally, finally find themselves a worthy goal to pursue. A challenge, a purpose. Something only they can do, this time with a bit of extra help.

The way they see everything is literally just "everything we do is wrong and hurts people" and "we can never do anything right." Every single time Touka perks up after an adult calls her smart and bends over backwards to prove that the adult is right I want to break something. Dr. Satomi had good intentions but my man has NO IDEA the damage he did with those teachings. Noblesse oblige aside, Touka just ties her identity ENTIRELY to being smart. That's all she is. If you pay attention to the way she speaks, she weaves this into her personality all the time, and the amount of time she explicitly brings up being a genius is both concerning and a badly disguised cry for help under a layer of arrogance that’s easy to peel back if you simply cared enough to look closer. When she's given a role like say, Magius, then she has a job, a responsibility, and *points violently at my Magius Touka essay* A PURPOSE. It’s not particularly good for her, but it’s something. She desperately needed direction, to be taught how to be, well, herself, and nobody gave her that. No one gave her or Nemu what they needed. You know what their elders did? Yell at them.

If you think about it. Do the others ever sit down with TouNemu and talk to them? Do they really? Or do they basically only pay actual attention when TouNemu inevitably make a mistake or do something they don't like, to berate them for it like they're misbehaving dogs? No wonder they isolate themselves and can only open up to/rely on each other. They have no one else. Even Iroha and Ui are comparatively distant now. Not to mention, these two probably believe they're everything from hard to love to incorrigible to perpetually evil, cannot be good or do good, etc. Do the others ever praise them when they do something good? Is there ANY positive reinforcement at all? I have not even touched f4's funny child abuse joke about how Kanagi dishes out corporal punishment to these two. The instance of it in Paradise Shift boils my blood personally because EVEN WHEN THEY DO A GOOD THING THEY GET PUNISHED. And guess what their reaction is? Nothing. Just a complaint on Touka’s part when they’re in private about how it still hurts. That’s literally the reaction of a child who’s been hit by their parents all their life and doesn’t know anything else, or alternatively the reaction of someone whose belief about deserving that punishment is deeply rooted in them and so they have no reaction to it. In my humble opinion, these two are literally saints, I would have snapped a while ago if I were them. Especially because literally no one has noticed or acknowledged their growth at all (other than each other). Ui and Iroha, supposedly the people closest to them other than each other, still thought they would fight until they came to blows as late as Mokyu's MGS.

And that brings me to something that a person I’ve talked to about this has brought up. Touka and Nemu do still occasionally behave in abrasive ways (mainly Touka), look down on others, etc. But I mean, can you blame them? They’re not really getting the right feedback. How are they supposed to know better? If you take a closer look, they are almost disgustingly soft and sweet with each other. And although arguably during Arc 2 they are very cordial towards people (Kagome and Sana come to mind as easy examples, with them even helping Sana publish her picture book online), when they do act in ways that push people away… It’s probably on purpose. Subconsciously or consciously. It proves them right about being unlovable and irredeemable. It’s the confirmation bias all over again.

Christmas String is once again an excellent example of both their bond (although sadly they spend most of the event in Work Mode) and their growth over the years—which they acknowledge themselves in the event, MGS, and quotes. In that event, they were kind to two children they didn't even know and even went out of their way to help them, despite claiming many times that they’re not kind people and “aren’t that type of person” to help others. They specifically cite that as a thing Ui is capable of, something Iroha does, but not them of course. In light of what I just said about their own perception of themselves, however, they would literally never recognize that they are actually kind people. They did so many unnecessary nice things for others even without the diary's influence in that event alone, and if you look at them you could tell they were pleased and happy every time they saw that they'd helped someone. They just genuinely believe that to be kind, you need to be Ui/Iroha. They were most often around people like Ui and Iroha, who basically emanate an aura of light and kindness and empathy, and it seems to come so naturally to them, so surely if it doesn’t come as naturally to Touka and Nemu, it means they’re bad. And they can quite literally never be Iroha/Ui. They say that themselves.

It's also because of introversion vs extroversion. A lot of the time extroverted people give off more… Kind, warm vibes, friendly vibes, even if they’re shy and anxious like Iroha started out as, because they're more open and talkative and they Thrive With People. Introverts like Touka and Nemu however often seem “cold,” “aloof,” “rude,” or “uncaring,” and this is especially the case when the introvert in question doesn’t display enough shyness and anxiety for their attitude to be deemed “valid” or “understandable” when in reality they would still help you just as the extroverts would. Granted, Touka and Nemu very often just, don’t wanna have anything to do with People. Them plain not talking to people or telling anyone that they *could* after Arc 2 until it became necessary is a good example of that. But, that doesn’t necessarily mean they won’t help or that they would turn a blind eye. Unlike Iroha, however, Touka and Nemu generally do the opposite of seeking people out except when the person they seek is the other; I do not think they count each other as “people” in the same sense as everyone else. In many ways. As that same person I talked to put it… “I want to be alone with you by my side.” Because they are each other’s only safe space, where they can be truly 100% themselves without fear of judgment and without expectations to meet. I could start yelling about their bond now but I shall Refrain for the sake of not making this even longer.

All of this to say that The Babies are very sad and very traumatized and they deserve the marriage they got. I will elaborate A LOT on the whole… Uwasa Queens thing, when I get to that part in the development essay. Thanks for reading today’s ramble! Do ask if you have any follow-up questions or want to know my thoughts on something else about them.

#magia record #essay #nishiposting #I fucking guess #this was once again done completely on impulse #literally off the top of my head #touka satomi #nemu hiiragi #tounemu #the babies #you will suffer my brainrot

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alrightbuckaroo · 5 months

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ada!!! i was thinking about your post with poems you think the lone star characters would love, and for nice ask week i was wondering if you have any others you’d add to that list? or if there’s any you really love that you think capture certain characters/relationships on the show? always love to see your recs :’) <3 —maddie/reyesstrand

Maddie!! I love this question so much so thank you for asking it!! <3

I actually planned to make a part two, especially since it's National Poetry Month, but it got a bit away from me so I'm taking this opportunity to just ramble (godspeed to whoever reads this):

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver is one of the most Carlos-coded poems you'll ever have the pleasure of reading. Or maybe it's not, but after using it as basically a thesis for tender eyes that shine, I've decided that it was written for him. Especially:

You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Hello?? That's Carlos Tomás Reyes in his purest form!

Oh TK, our hopeless romantic self deprecating boy. I think I'm going to give him Molly Brodak by Molly Brodak, one of my favorite poems that makes me want to burst into tears each and every time I read it. When I think of him, I specifically think of the ending, but I think the whole thing could ring true to him:

I am a good man. The amount of fear I am ok with is insane. I love many people who don't love me. I don't actually know if that is true. This is love. It is a mass of ice melting. I can't hold it and I have nowhere to put it down.

Nancy is absolutely getting Aileen Wuornos Takes A Lover Home by Olivia Gatwood because it's one of my favorites and Nancy's one of my favorites, it only makes sense! I think the ending would really get to her in a way she didn't expect, and I don't blame her, because this is the ending:

In a phone call tapped by police, Aileen called Tyria her right arm, her left arm, her breath, how all Tyria could say back was Please tell them, please say it out loud. But Aileen didn’t want to talk about it. She wanted to talk about love. So Tyria would hang up, unsuccessful, and the officer would tell her to Say it like this, tell her she’ll get off, tell her it won’t be so bad. But how, each time, for three days straight, the police listened to Aileen talk about love. About her right arm. Her left arm. Her breath. Her breath. Her breath.

Actually going to tag @sznofthesticks because I feel like you would love this poem as well, and you'll agree that Nancy would love it too.

This is cheating but this song is so poetic I'm going to call it a poem. Owen would listen to You Are Your Mother's Child by Conor Oberst and he would want to sob but then he'd get cry lines. I think the whole thing is so Owen-coded but this part especially:

Out on the diamond, and you're up to bat Chewing your Big League, adjusting your hat Taking a swing and hearing it crack Look at that apple fly Tears will dry if you give them time Life's a roller coaster, keep your arms inside Fear, that's a big emotion But you are your mother's child And she'll have you for a while But someday, you'll be grown Then you'll be on your own

You could tell me Judd wrote I Am Offering this Poem under the pseudonym Jimmy Santiago Baca and I'd believe you. I'd believe he wrote while looking at Grace when she wasn't even looking at him because it has Judd all over it like:

Keep it, treasure this as you would if you were lost, needing direction, in the wilderness life becomes when mature; and in the corner of your drawer, tucked away like a cabin or hogan in dense trees, come knocking, and I will answer, give you directions, and let you warm yourself by this fire, rest by this fire, and make you feel safe I love you,

That's Judd!

Tommy would adore Every Job Has A First Day by Rebecca Gayle Howell. There's a cozy feeling to it, but the final words hold such a heavy weight that I think Tommy would appreciate and carry with her:

I listened as he taught me to relax the hand just enough. They can smell, he said, the oils our pores release when we tense to catch. You have to believe it, he said. You don’t mean any harm.

Speaking of Rebecca's, Marjan is giving me You Are the Penultimate Love of My Life by Rebecca Hazelton vibes in the best way. Maybe it's the romanticizing of something that has an inevitable ending but I feel like this would be Marjan's approach to a break-up, especially this part:

The garden you plant and I plant is tunneled through by voles, the vowels we speak aren’t vows, but there’s something holding me here, for now,

I feel like Paul, like me, would love the work of Cameron Awkward Rich, but specifically The Child Formerly Known As____ and even more specifically, the ending:

& in the end, isn’t that what we all want? To not feel so split? To carry an image of ourselves inside ourselves & know exactly what we mean when we say I— . I— . I— ?

I think Mate would love getting the chance to read Prayer for Werewolves by Stephanie Burt because I think he would see so much of himself in it. Stumbling and tumbling trying to find himself somewhere and eventually finding the place where he belongs. I also feel like he loves the supernatural and the first part of this poem would feel like a gut punch:

Someone will probably love you for who you are. If not, you’ll still find friends, friends who, given time, or given warning, will probably gather around you, hold your hands, and wrap you in soft coats and blankets till the violence inside your body ends.

Finally, my beloved Grace, is things i want to ask you by Helga Flores because I feel like the poem is just a list of things running through Grace's mind when she only knew Judd by voice, but that first one in particular:

i want to ask you what god feels like.

You've reached the end of my exhaustive essay that would probably keep going if I didn't reign myself in. I hope you liked these, they're some of my favorites <3

#“i can't hold it and i have nowhere to put it down” will never not make me short circuit UGH!#anyways this was such an amazing question thank you so much for asking it! <3 #do you have a favorite poem???#asked and answered

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alloveydovey · 11 months

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Ok, random thoughts on dramas I finished watching this month (some of which I've been dragging out since July).

Meet Yourself (cdrama) 10 ⭐️

It's the first cdrama I've seen that I felt was well-acted and felt genuine. Perhaps because the ML has a personality and isn't simply some stone-cold dude and the FL (who I was obsessed with) is mature and insightful.

It’s very light and yet deeply meaningful. Yes, it could be a little draggy at times (could have been shorter), but I can't really complain because I didn't want it to end. You really find yourself falling in love with the entire town, as well as most secondary characters.

A Time Called You (kdrama) 8

It was really emotional, but I lost interest in episode 9 and wanted it to end. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t fully understand what was going on or because, although I like time travel plots, this one was just too twisty for me to get.

King The Land (kdrama) 8/8.5?

People complaining because it had no plot— what do you mean? The plot was ✨love✨

I mean yeah, I get it, though, because I started it in August and finished it in October (I got low-key bored on episode 11). The .5 is only because Yoona and Jun Ho’s chemistry was insanely good, like the kind of chemistry where you feel like you're intruding on them or something.

My Lovely Liar (kdrama) 7.5

This one was all over my fyp on tiktok, and I'm not sure why everyone was so into it.

I initially started to watch it because of Kim So Hyun. The first eight episodes were okay. I wasn't particularly intrigued by the mystery of who the killer of the ML’s girlfriend was, but it was enough to keep me going. But, later on, I just wasn't into it at aaall. The ML and FL were cute, but i didn’t feel any spark between them :\

Here We Meet Again (cdrama) 8

Another cdrama with good acting 🙌🏽 lol I swear I’m not bashing Chinese dramas, it's just I watched some questionable ones. I wasn’t that much into the whole work thing but, let's be honest, I only saw this one because FL and ML were the cutest and had an insane chemistry.

Why I Dress Up for Love (jdrama) 9

Workaholic social media girl moves into a house with four roommates and ends up having a situationship with one of them.

This is my fourth jdrama (Only Just Married, The Fallen High School Girl and The Crippled Teacher, and A Girl and Three Sweethearts), and it is without a doubt the best one and most likely a future all-time favourite. The obstacles the characters experienced were not too deep, but enough to soften you, and the chemistry was excellent. It was simple, natural and cute. An overall feel good 👌🏽

Destined With You (kdrama) 8.5/9 still not sure lol

Okay, I’ll be honest, this probably doesn’t deserve a 9. That whole extra point is for Rowoon's face and Bo Ah's cuteness.

I feel like the writers of this one got down and began pulling out pieces of paper from a bag full of common clichés that are currently used in dramas. Past lives lovers? Check. Sort of enemies to lovers? Check. Rich ML x Poor orphan FL? Check (although a little twist with the mom being the cutest mother ever) Mean ex girlfriend who can’t get over ML? Check. A culprit dressed all in black who is after the FL? Check. I don’t know what else but I’m sure there’s more… and it should have been boring but somehow they made it work?!?! And I was so into it?!? The comedy was comeding, the chemistry was chemistring, the Samsung phones were samsunging (?), Subway was there, music was banging? Magic was entertaining, even the angsty moments were hitting.

Like yeah, I don’t know. Maybe it was Rowoon and his perfect face or maybe this was a really entertaining and romantic watch. Anyway, a 9.

#kdramas #cdrama #meet yourself #a time called you #king the land #my lovely liar #here we meet again #why I dress up for love #destined with you #jdrama #dovey watches

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ugh-yoongi · 1 year

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Hi! Would it be possible to request for another part or a continuation of ‘(don’t fear the reaper)’? Thank you and congrats on the milestone!

hi, thank you so much for the request — and for wanting a second part of my silly little story. i hope you enjoy this. <3

read the original drabble :)

(redefine happiness)

pairing: reaper!jungkook x f. reader genre: supernatural au; crack/humor, a little fluff warnings: swearing, mentions of death (inc. the death of a loved one) and grief, l*ndlords, bickering, slight emotional hurt/comfort. unedited. rating: mature-ish. just because one part deals heavily with death/grief, so if you're sensitive to that kind of thing, i would probably skip it. wordcount: 1.4k

They say you start life with two bags: one full of luck, and the other empty with experience. The trick is to fill the one before you empty the other.

If you ask Jungkook, your experience bag is still woefully empty.

“You know that smell isn’t normal, right?”

You huff. Roll your eyes even though he can’t see you from his spot on your couch. Well, maybe he can. You haven’t fully figured out the extent of his abilities. You know you can hear him in your head and that he saves you from an untimely death four to five times per week, but to this day, the only person you know that has eyes in the back of their head is your mother. So, yeah—the jury's still out.

“It’s fine,” you retort. “I think the mayo’s just close to going bad.”

“Expired mayo doesn’t smell like sulfur.”

“Sure it does, it’s got eggs in it.”

Jungkook groans. “Do you act this dense on purpose or are you actually this dim?”

“That’s a little rude.”

“Your apartment is about to blow up from a gas leak and you’re worried about pleasantries?”

“I’m just saying,” you argue, and if you switch off the stove, that’s none of Jungkook’s business. “This is a recurring theme when it comes to you. Would it kill you to be nice to me for once?”

“I’m already dead, so no, it wouldn’t.”

“You’re insufferable.” You grab your phone from the counter, readying the emergency number. “Do I have enough time to call the gas company or am I going to blow up in the next two minutes?”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if you did?” He heaves a wistful sigh. “Blissful silence.”

“You don’t have to tell me. I’ve been praying for blissful silence for months—oh, hello! I’m calling to report a possible gas leak in my apartment. Sure, I’ll hold.”

Your landlord is an asshole.

It goes without saying, because he wouldn’t be a landlord if he wasn’t, but it’s worth repeating.

“Do you think he’ll sue me if I steal his credit card and charge it myself?”

“That’s fraud, so yeah, I’d say so.”

You hum. “Okay, but per my lease agreement, he’s supposed to compensate me for the cost of my hotel stay during repairs. Like, he signed the piece of paper that says that. And he refused, so technically he broke the law first.”

“Not sure that’s how that works,” Jungkook retorts. He’s sitting in the chair by the window, a newspaper folded over his crossed legs. Every now and then he laughs at one of the cartoons and goes quiet when he gets to the obituaries. You wonder if it’s like looking through a yearbook for him. “I wouldn’t worry about him anyway.”

He says it in that very matter-of-fact way that always makes the hair on your arms stand up. “What’s that supposed to mean? Jungkook, what does that mean? Is my landlord going to die?”

“You know I can’t tell you that.”

You groan, throw yourself backwards onto the mattress. It’d be nice to take a shower, but the hotel towels are stiff and itchy from the industrial-strength detergent, and you’ve been trying to convince yourself to get up and go buy something marginally better for the last fifteen minutes. But it seems like such a waste to spend money on a towel, and the thought of spending money at all when your dickhead landlord is still refusing to cough up your compensation does nothing but make your blood pressure spike. Which makes—

“Can’t you meditate or something? You’re driving me insane.”

The ceiling bears the brunt of your glare. “I didn’t even say anything.”

“I can hear it.”

“Hear what?”

“Your blood pressure.”

“You’re full of shit,” you accuse. “Why are you even here, anyway? Don’t you have someone else to annoy into an early grave?”

“That’s not my job, first of all. Second of all, there’s someone nearby that I have to pick up in roughly three and a half minutes.”

“Nearby…? Like, how nearby? Next door? Down the hall? A few floors up?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer. Not really. Instead, he says, “I’d suggest you go and buy those towels now.”

So you do.

Is it weird to be lonely when you’ve got a voice in your head?

Feels like it is. Feels like other people would’ve taken advantage of it by now. Made friends or something, as much as one can befriend a Reaper, because Jungkook’s always there and always has something to say, and sure, those things he says usually detail all of your inadequacies, but he’s still someone to talk to. Someone it’s possible to get to know. Someone you can form the kind of bond with that might cure some of this incalculable loneliness.

But it’s not like that between the two of you, so you don’t.

Your new apartment building has a rooftop—the kind you can sit on the ledge and dangle your feet off of as you marvel at the city below. Everything is small and insignificant from your place in the sky, and it helps a little to feel like the most powerful thing in the universe.

“You’re not gonna—”

“No,” you cut Jungkook off. “I just like to sit up here sometimes. It’s calming.”

“It’s nearly freezing. There’s two weeks until winter.”

“I don’t mind the cold,” you say, and it might be the most personal thing you’ve ever said to him. Isn’t that pathetic, you think, and you steel yourself for a quip that never comes.

“Is that why you’re up here, then?”

You shrug. “Been having a hard time of it lately, I think. Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Maybe.”

“When you go to collect people, do they talk to you? Like, I know they can see you the way I can, but…” You trail off, looking at the specks of people on the sidewalk below you. Can’t help but wonder. “Are they usually resigned? Do they try to bargain with you?”

Jungkook appears at your side. Sits beside you and dangles his feet off the ledge, too. “Every collection is different, but it usually depends on how they died.” He sucks in a breath, toys with the hem of his thick sweater. “If they’d been sick for a long time? Sure, those people are usually accepting. They usually get the chance to say their goodbyes. That’s… well. That’s not typically the case when it’s sudden.”

“Right, yeah. That makes sense.”

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. I guess—I lost someone a few years ago. I was just wondering if it was peaceful for her.”

“Your grandmother,” Jungkook says, and it’s a statement, not a question. “You carry your grief around with you like a shadow. It’s impossible not to notice it.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“I think I figured out why you can see and hear me.” You quirk an eyebrow. “Your grief is overwhelming. It was one of the first things I noticed about you, once the shock wore off, but you also reminded me of someone. Took me a while to place it, but then I remembered.”

“You collected her,” you say, putting the pieces together.

“I did.”

“Were you as much of a pain in the ass to her as you are to me?”

Jungkook scoffs, though the corners of his mouth tug upwards. “No, but the two of you are very similar.”

“Yeah, my mom used to tell me that all the time.” You sigh, dreading the question you know you need to ask, but as soon as you steady your nerves and open your mouth, Jungkook’s holding up a hand to stop you.

“It was peaceful for her.” He answers your unspoken question with all the kindness and comfort it requires. “She was ready, and she knew you’d been there to say goodbye to her.”

“Oh,” you choke out around the lump in your throat. “Thank you.”

Jungkook nods. “She did try to bargain with me, though. She asked if there was someone who could look after you. Said you were smart and capable and… stubborn as an ox, I think were her exact words, but she still worried about you.”

“And you got stuck with that job? Sorry, but you don’t seem like the babysitting type.”

“I’m not, but somehow I did.”

You can’t help but laugh, disbelieving and overwhelmed. “Well, it’s lucky for me, knowing how many times you’ve saved my ass, but I’m sure you’re counting down the days until you’re free from me.”

“No,” he replies, and the conviction in his tone nearly has you tumbling over the ledge. Jungkook seems to exist solely to give you shit and remind you how underprepared you are to survive in the world. He doesn’t say no with that amount of faith and principle. “No, little bluebird, I’m not counting down the days at all.”

#work: 1kfm #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook fluff #jungkook drabble #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts imagines #bts scenarios #jewel answers #jewel writes

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