#not that i don't think even if you have a healthy view abt people you stan

[bandzboy]

very much this... cr.

[thehollowwriter]

Maybe I'm being silly, but despite all my ranting abt Rollo's mischaracterisation making me seem angry, I'm actually more sad than anything. Idk, it just kinda hurts to see a complex character I love so much being portrayed as a racist, religious bigot.

He's a traumatised teenager who literally watched his brother burn alive and couldn't do a thing about it. Like. Do you understand how horrific that is? And the cause of this horrific situation that left Rollo scarred is magic.

Rollo is, again, a traumatised teenager who watched his brother burn alive, and likely never got the help he needed to properly deal with his grief. Of course he's going to blame magic, it's likely how he copes, how he brings a sense of reason to a complete accident that could have happened to anybody with magic.

It's easier to view magic as a malevolent force that caused this tragic event. That way, Rollo won't have to confront the fact that there wasn't any "reason" at all. And now, he can eradicate the "cause" of his brother's death and make everything better. It's much more fulfilling than not being able to do anything to make it right because it was just an accident.

I would also like to take the time remind you that Idia literally tried to end the world and is still treated better than Rollo is.

"But he's based off Frollo!" You cry, except you seem to forget the fact that Jamil is based off Jafar, an old man who lusted after a teenager and wanted to marry her, and while Jamil is horribly misunderstood by many people, he's still not treated like a bigoted monster.

A lot of people came to the conclusion that he's racist against fae, even though nothing he does indicates that. He hates magic users specifically, and of course he'll hate Malleus, Malleus is notorious for using magic for every little thing and mainly being revered for his magic.

I also think Rollo being religious/Catholic doesn't make sense for his character. Think about it. He sees magic as dangerous, a vile influence that will bring nothing but harm, but people are complacent to adore and use.

Imagine trying to tell him there's an all-powerful, essentially magical being he must submit to and worship? One which, may I remind you, many say "allows" bad things (like the death of a brother in a blazing torrent of fire magic) to happen? He'd hate that shit. He'd probably gear up to fight god himself. He wasn't even afraid when he fought Malleus, after all.

Idk, this is just from a culmination of far too many posts, memes, "analysis'", and fics portraying this incredibly complex and tragic character who challenges the ideologies of our main chast as a creepy, obsessive copy-paste of Frollo, when characters who have done much worse are adored and treated like little meow meows.

I just don't understand why people do this? Is this because he went against the fan favorite, Malleus? Is this because he's "ugly" (he's not, and it's gross how many of you think ugly = bad person)? Is it because nobody can read?

I really don't know. But it really frustrates me that the common portrayal of him is so far from his actual character, especially since I relate to him in the sense of feeling a burning rage at something that has caused suffering for you, and not being healthy in your response to it/not being able to get help.

Idk man

[magpod-confessions]

I feel like the way some of the fandom treats Jon is unfair and tbh borderline ableist. It's not his fault that he got hooked on statements by Elias/Jonah, it's very clear that he was being manipulated into it from the beginning. And even once he starts having to take live statements, he doesn't want to have to! He canonically hates that he has to do that to people for sustenance, but that compulsion isn't within his control.

Like c'mon. It's very heavily implied that he becomes genuinely suicidal because of his self-loathing around this, and how the other people around him are treating him like a monster and demanding he "just control" something that he isn't actually able to. Which isn't to say that Basira/Melanie/Georgie/s5!Martin etc. don't have the right to feel that way/that their responses aren't understandable, but they still aren't fair to Jon.

Jon's existence such as it is might not be fair, because his presence does harm others unintentionally. But sometimes that's how things are, and it's equally if not more unfair for the others to act like he's just a monster who should be put down and is selfish for continuing to want to live and be healthy.

Honestly, it sort of feels like some of the fandom has ignored/forgotten that the situation Jon is in isn't unique to a horror story, and in fact has many parallels in real life (whether that be addiction, mental disorder/disability, trauma, etc.) and that to take the view of "well he should've just Not Done That Stuff, skill issue, anyways you can't blame the others for how they treated him" is not exactly going to make actual people who are/have been in situations like that feel welcome in fandom spaces.

🗣️ (but no pressure)

I yea. Agree! I feel you can definitely have a discussion abt how much control Jon has over his actions, but at the end of the day, Jon has been manipulated to hell and back. But I also feel that a lot of it comes from a place of 'If I was in his situation I wouldnt do that' which has some victim blaming undertones, but also hes a fictional character in a fictional setting, which definitely influences how ppl talk abt him. If someone irl talked abt being abused and manipulated, along with having their addiction/disability taken advantage of, even if that same person would go on and on abt how 'The persons actually fine and its my fault' ppl likely would be very kind and take the situation very srsly, which isnt the same kind of reaction ppl have towards Jon, due to him being a fictional character - rosette

yeah i. heavily agree with this too anon. im way too tired to put any true thought into this like rosette did but yeah. people really dont take jons situation serious, and this extends to other characters in the series as well. the fandom doesn't often think further about avatars past 'haha they have to serve a dread power and they cant do anything about it' . - deceit

[nyxlaufeyson]

Slut!

Loki Oneshot Masterlist - Main Masterlist

POV: Second

Ship: Loki x Reader

Type: Fluff + Angst

Wordcount: 7,082

Song: Slut (Taylor's Version) [From the Vault] by Taylor Swift Listen Here

TW: There is a lot of insecurity kinda going on with the reader, and also some alcohol usage that probably isn't healthy but it's not that bad.

Synopsis: You see Loki at a pool party and can't get him out of your head. More meetings happen. Insecurity happens. And then, finally, confessions happen!

A/N: Okay so I don't know why there are way too many parties in this fic but idc because it works out for what I was going for. Enjoy this, and sorry for not being as active life really is crazy and it's abt to be tech week. My theatre people, you get me.

Also, the reader turned out to be more fem this time, sorry, it just worked out that way. Not too many mentions of gender though.

Flamingo pink, Sunrise Boulevard

The first time you saw him in-person was at a pool party you and your dad had been invited to. You were the child of a prominent businessman who had several connections with other rich businessmen. Which, given the nature of these men, meant that you had to attend a lot of parties. 

It wasn’t the type of party you were used to attending, because it usually consisted of a bunch of people drinking, crappy music, and people dancing right up on each other. This party was toned back, with the guest list significantly reduced. This was due to the fact that the party was a celebration for a business deal between your father and the billionaire Tony Stark. 

Since it was a more private affair, you felt like there was a lot more attention on you. The Avengers were there, which still put you to awe, even if you had seen them at several parties. This time, however, some of them actually came up to talk to you.

You froze up as The Black Widow approached you, unsure of what to do or say. “Cute swimsuit.”

She just complimented you. The Black Widow just complimented you. How were you supposed to process that?!

“Uhm- thank you!” You said, looking down at your flamingo-pink swimsuit. It was flattering on you, but it made you feel exposed. Unfortunately, you didn’t have time to get a new swimsuit before the party, and it was the only one that still fit you. “Do you really think so?”

She nodded, sitting down in a lounge next to you. “Of course.” She offered you a drink, and her smile felt refreshing. 

You took the drink, thanking her. You made introductions, and began to talk.

“What’s it like being an Avenger?” You asked, and then immediately felt repulsed that you would ask her a question she probably had to answer hundreds of times. “Sorry-I’m sure everyone asks you that-”

She waved her free hand. “Don’t worry about it, it’s okay to be curious.” She paused to take a sip of her drink. “Honestly? It’s hard sometimes, with everyone always on your back. Everyone expects you to be perfect.”

I nodded. “I get the feeling. Not that I have that level of pressure, of course, but I still feel like I’m supposed to be perfect all the time. This one time, when I was eight, I stole a chocolate egg. I knew it was wrong, and my dad caught me and made me return it, but the media was on me for weeks. ‘Eight-year-old criminal executes heist despite being rich.’ I don’t get it. I was eight, and made a mistake. Shit happens, you know?”

She agreed with you, and you continued conversing. You got to learn some interesting things about her, and she learned some things about you. You were sure that yours were boring in comparison, but she didn’t make you feel inferior. 

As you were talking, more people arrived and the sun began to set. You turned towards it, gasping. “Holy shit, look at that!” The sky was a beautiful mix of oranges, pinks, and purples. It definitely was one of the best sunsets you had seen. 

“It’s beautiful,” Natasha said, “There’s a reason they call this Sunrise Boulevard. There’s an excellent view for a sunrise or a sunset.”

Clink, clink, being this young is art

You smiled, admiring the sky before the sun would inevitably disappear. Natasha raised her glass towards yours, and you clinked them together. “To sunrises,” she said, “and new friends.”

New friends. You couldn’t help but grin a little wider. 

Aquamarine, moonlit swimmin' pool

Suddenly a man with a microphone-Tony Stark-amped up the music and yelled, “Alright ladies and gentlemen, let's get this party started!”

With that, several people whooped and hollered, and a man with long blonde hair hopped up and ran into the now-moonlit swimming pool. “CANNONBALL!” He screamed before jumping in, and making a splash that couldn’t have been made by a human. When he came up from the jump, you recognized him as Thor.

Natasha chuckled, and then stood up. She held her hand out to you, and she helped you up. “Have you gotten the chance to meet the others yet?” 

You shook your head. “No, I haven’t. I’ve met Stark briefly, but it was more of a formal, business introduction.” 

She smiled at you, dragging you in the direction of a small cluster of people. “Well then, let’s introduce you.” 

Your eyes went wide, and you tried to pull back. “Uh, I’m actually going to go use the bathroom. I’ll be back!” You said, turning to leave. It was one thing when someone cooler than you comes up to you and makes introductions, but going up to them and introducing yourself? That was something you couldn’t do. 

Unfortunately, Natasha caught your bluff, and pulled you back towards her. “I can see right through you. Don’t worry, it will be fine, they’re not going to judge you.” 

“But you guys are the Avengers. You’re literally superheroes! I look like a loser next to all of you.” You didn’t know where all of this was coming from, but you felt comfortable enough in Natasha’s presence to voice your feelings. 

She sighed, putting a hand on your shoulder. “Trust me, it is all in your head. Don’t let the anxiety get to you.” She managed to steer you back towards the group. “Plus, you have me here to introduce you.”

Although your anxiety was still there, you let her pull you up and introduce you to several of her teammates. You recognized several of them from clips you had seen of them on TV, and you were most certainly overwhelmed when they started to shake your hand. 

You had been introduced to a number of the Avengers, when a wet Thor walked up to the group, not noticing you at first. “Has anyone seen my brother?”

Tony shook his head. “He’s probably moping inside the lounge and plotting ways to kill us all, or whatever he does in his spare time.”

Thor nodded, picking up some grapes from a nearby table, and when he came back, he spotted you. He stretched out a hand, and you shook it. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Thor Odinson.”

You introduced yourself to him, and you talked for a short while until you sensed the air tense around you. The faces of your new acquaintances had gotten stiff, except for a few people who seemed not to care. Still, even they shifted their gaze behind you. 

What if all I need is you?

You spun around, confused, and saw a gorgeous black-haired man make his way outside. You vaguely recognized him, but you couldn’t pinpoint where from. He was wearing swim trunks and a tight shirt that left little to the imagination. 

Natasha mistook your staring silence for fear, and started to assure you. “Don’t worry, he can’t hurt you here. He’s got limited magic, and has supposedly ‘changed.’ If anything were to go wrong, we are all here to protect you as well.” 

You nodded, not registering her words as the man met your gaze. He had the most hypnotizing green eyes, and after you realized that you were blatantly staring, you turned away. “Uh-yeah, yeah.” 

Got love-struck, went straight to my head

You chastised yourself for being so starstruck from the simple sight of a man. Sure, he was beautiful, but you hadn’t even had a conversation with him.

It took you a few seconds to sort out your mind and absorb the words that Natasha had said to you. It clicked in your brain who the man was. It was Loki, Thor’s brother, the man who attacked New York.

Of course, this all came to you as you had taken a gulp of champagne to recalibrate. So, you did the most flattering thing you could think of, and choked on your drink.

You managed to pass it off as your drink going down the wrong way, excusing yourself to go get some water. This might have been the most eventful party you had attended thus far.

~~~~~

Got lovesick all over my bed

The next day, you sat in your bed, questioning your entire life. After you had gotten back to the party, Loki had been gone. You didn’t know where he had gone, and you didn’t know why you were disappointed.

Despite the fact that you hadn’t talked to him, or seen him for more than a few minutes, you couldn’t get his green eyes out of your head. Whenever you closed your eyes, you saw them, and whenever you saw them, you felt giddy. 

Love to think you’ll never forget

You wondered what he had thought of you, that moment when you had locked eyes. Did he think you were pretty? Or did you disgust him? You rolled your eyes, pressing your head into your pillow. You could lie to yourself, but you knew that he most likely forgot all about you. 

You didn’t understand your feelings. You had never felt this way with anyone before, not even your ex. You groaned as your mind brought him up. A few months ago, you had broken up with  your ex-boyfriend after a two-year relationship.

Memories of you and your ex flashed through your mind, and now you missed the green eyes that you had recently tried to get out of your mind.

Handprints in wet cement

There was this one time you and your ex had come across a pavement that had just been filled with wet cement. You instantly had remembered a cute couple's photo you had seen, and made him put his hand next to yours in the wet cement.

If you could go back, you wouldn’t have done that. Now you had to face the fact that your handprint was out there somewhere next to his until the pavement got redone.

You got up and made your way through the house, grabbing your bag and headphones. Whenever something was plaguing your thoughts, you would venture outside and listen to music. 

This time, after taking the subway, you found yourself in the heart of New York City. Your dad was always too busy with work to know or care when you went out, so you enjoyed taking advantage of that.

Even though most people would see this as freedom, you never truly felt free. Sure, you could go wherever and buy whatever you wanted, but you felt restricted when it came to doing things. Anything you did would be questioned by everyone if it got public-and the media was everywhere. 

Adorned with smoke on my clothes

You coughed as a particularly potent wave of cigarette smoke hit you. There were several times when you would go home with your clothes smelling of smoke just from being out in the city.

When the sun began to set, you made your way back to the subway. You boarded and found a seat next to a man with a vibrant green shirt. The exact shade of green of Loki’s eyes. 

This, along with the music and strolling you had done through the city, took your mind off of your ex and back to the mysterious man who you had seemingly become obsessed with.

Why he was plaguing your thoughts, you didn’t quite know. Especially when you hadn’t even talked to him.

Lovelorn and nobody knows

You wanted to talk to someone about it, but you didn’t have anyone you could trust with this sort of information. You had friends, sure, but you didn’t want to have to explain this feeling to them. You didn’t think that they would understand. And that was before mentioning that the man in question had tried to take over the world.

Love thorns all over this rose

On one hand, it was nice to feel like a giddy teenager again. Love-not that you would call this that-had a way of making you feel all fuzzy and warm inside. But on the other hand, you were completely perplexed and confused as you tried to understand your feelings. 

It was all stupid, really. You hated that you kept thinking about this man despite not having a conversation. It was unsettling how you couldn’t control your own thoughts and feelings.

You wrote it off as you missing the feeling of being in a relationship. That, and Loki was hot. So it was fair enough that you felt attracted to him, no matter how weird and silly it might be.

I'll pay the price, you won't

~~~~~

Another month, another party. However, you couldn’t help but find yourself more excited than you would have been before the pool party on Sunrise Boulevard. For starters, you had more acquaintances at the party. Friends, even. Natasha had kept in touch with you via text, and you even went out for coffee a week or so ago.

There was another reason too, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. You ignored it. The weird flutter in your stomach that happened when you thought about running into Loki at the party was nothing short of a childish reaction to seeing a pretty boy.

But if I’m all dressed up

You were wearing a long-sleeved black dress that stopped a little above your knees. It was beautiful, filled with rhinestones. You paired it with some jewelry and a matching clutch.

They might as well be lookin' at us

It was a little more flashy than you would usually wear to one of these parties, but you couldn’t help it. Someone caught your eye, and now you wanted to catch theirs. 

And if they call me a slut

You were slightly worried, since the dress’ front was a little lower than the cut you typically wore. Now, a normal person in a normal life might get away with nobody noticing. Unfortunately, that would most likely not be the case. 

Would the press notice? Probably. Would they spin articles speculating why you were being ‘sluttish’? Likely.

You know it might be worth it for once

But maybe they wouldn’t. And even if they did, who cared? They did it all the time. If wearing this dress would heighten the possibility of catching a certain someone’s eye, you would take your chances.

“Ready, sweetheart?” Your dad called from downstairs. You made your way down the stairs, grabbing a light coat just in case you got cold. He smiled when he saw you. “You look pretty.”

You returned his smile. “Thanks, Dad.” You made your way out the doors and into the car that would lead you to the heart of New York City, and towards the Avengers Tower. 

When you arrived, you had to make your way up an elevator and through a lot of security before getting to the place where the party was being held. As soon as you got in, your dad was off to go talk to some of his business friends, leaving you on your own.

You sighed and walked over to the bar, ordering a drink. The great thing about Stark’s parties was that he provided an entire bar so people could order their own drinks.

The barista handed you your drink, and you thanked them. The taste was exactly what you wanted.

A hand on your shoulder startled you, so you whipped around to see who was touching you. To your surprise, and relief, it was Natasha. “Natasha! You startled me.” 

“We need to work on your spacial awareness then, hun.” She ordered a drink and took a seat next to me. “How’s life been since I last saw you?”

You took another sip of your drink, considering her question. “It’s been fine, rather uneventful. Which is a good thing, it means that there isn’t anything incredibly bad happening.” You paused, pondering whether or not to tell her more. You decided to very briefly graze a more emotional response. “However, I've been struggling with some feelings that I don’t quite understand.”

She looked at you, intrigued. She was about to say something, probably to prod for more information, when Thor and Steve walked up. They seemed to remember you, saying their greetings. 

“We’re going to play a round of poker, you want in?” Steve asked Natasha, who nodded, taking a final swig of her drink before finishing it. Steve then looked towards you. “How about you?”

Captain America had just asked you if you wanted to play poker with him and the Avengers. Normal day, normal day indeed. 

You took a sip of liquid courage. “Sure. I’m going to get another drink, I’ll meet you guys over there.”

They nodded and walked off towards a table where people were gathering to play. Your eyes scanned over who was there. Other than Thor, Natasha, and Steve, you recognized several faces that you had met that day at the pool party, including him .

And if I'm gonna be drunk

You turned back towards the bar, ordering another drink, this time something stronger. If you were going to make it through this game, you were going to need a lot more alcohol.

I might as well be drunk in love

But hey, maybe being slightly drunk would help you make a move.

You found yourself a seat in between Natasha and Wanda, right across from Thor. And Loki. Bruce shuffled and dished out the cards, as he preferred to be the person outside of all the action.

You began to introduce yourself to those who you hadn’t met, including Loki. He scrunched his eyebrows when you introduced yourself, but he promptly shook it off and responded. “Loki,” he said, “Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” 

Well, it was a start. You flashed him a smile and took up your cards that Bruce had passed you. You were no expert at Poker, but you knew how to play and were decent. 

The game went on, and you could quickly tell who had good poker faces and who didn’t. Natasha, for example, gave no indication as to what her cards were. As would be expected for a spy. On the other hand, Sam was easier to read because he smiled too damn much whenever he got a good card. 

But Loki? You couldn’t quite tell. He wasn’t entirely blank as Natasha, but gave subtle indications to his cards. Something told you that he did this on purpose, though, and wasn’t actually giving hints towards the truth. 

Apparently he noticed you staring at him, and he caught your eye. You blushed, immediately looking back down at your cards. Way to go, me, you thought, wanting the floor to come and swallow you up.

After that, the rounds passed by rather quickly, since you were so focused on what Loki might have thought when he caught you staring. Eventually everyone called it quits on the game, Natasha won, and instead circled over to a sitting area. People were beginning to clear out from the party, since it was getting late. Your dad was chatting away with some of his friends, so you took up an empty spot next to Loki. 

You had drunk several more drinks, so your common sense wasn’t really working for you. Loki gave you a weird look when you sat down, but you ignored it.

Thor called your name, so you turned your head towards his. “I believe I heard you mention that you like to read, no?” 

Your eyes widened in delight, nodding. “Yes! I do. In fact, just earlier today I purchased a few more novels from a bookstore.” 

Thor smiled. “Loki enjoys reading as well. He always seems to have his nose in a book.” Loki glared daggers at him, and was about to say something, when you interrupted. 

“Oh, really!?” You turned towards Loki, the topic of conversation overriding your nerves. “What is your favorite book?” 

Loki faltered, closing his mouth. He pondered the question for a moment before answering. “That’s a difficult question,” he said, “but I suppose if I had to choose I would go with Hamlet. What about you?”

Your smile widened. “Hamlet, an interesting choice indeed. I can totally see you as a Shakespeare guy, though.” Dear god, did I just say that? “And I can’t actually choose a favorite book, there’s just too many, where to start? Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, my childhood favorites, or more classical books like A Study in Scarlet or Pride and Prejudice? ”

You began to ramble on and on about some of your best reads, and you didn’t realize until it was too late that he probably didn’t want to hear about literally everything you’ve read. “Oh my god, I’m sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“No, please, go on, I don’t mind at all. I understand being passionate about reading.” Loki said, causing you to blush. 

The two of you continued your conversation, while Thor smiled into his drink across from the two of you.

That night was a success. You made it out of the party with not only having had a conversation with Loki, but also with his number. You had never been so proud of yourself for being a nerd.

~~~~~

Fast forward a few months, and you and him had practically become best friends. You hung out all the time, and texted each other whenever you couldn’t be together. You had never been this happy in your life. 

Unfortunately, that was all you were, friends. There was flirting, sure, from both ends, but neither of you took the step to initiate something. You were sure there was something there, but you were afraid it was one-sided. So you made peace with just being his friend, as it was enough for the time being. 

On one particularly bad day, there had been a nasty article written about you. The press had caught on to your friendship with the god of mischief, and they were ecstatic that they could spin some atrocious stories on it. You were called a slut, a whore, all for being seen with someone of the opposite sex. They used photos of the two of you holding hands, even though it had only been a friendly gesture. 

Perhaps it wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t been for who you were with. The press wasn’t exactly fond of Loki, given his reputation.

Send the code, he's waitin' there

You shot Loki a text reading ‘Fairytale.’ It was the code word for whenever one of you was feeling stressed or overwhelmed, and you needed the other to come and help you escape from whatever situation you were in.

Making your way towards the Avengers tower, you couldn’t help but let a few tears escape. You tried never to let the media get to you, but the article hurt. It wasn’t just the fact that they were spinning nasty rumors and words about you, it was the fact that you wanted some of them to be true. Not the ones calling you names, but you wish that there was, in fact, something going on between you and Loki.

When you got to the tower, you made your way to the elevator. Security didn’t stop you, since they already knew who you were. You had been to visit frequently enough to where they knew you by name and greeted you. They probably could even tell that something was off, since you only briefly greeted them. On most days, you would stop and ask some of them how their day had been going. But, you didn’t have time for that today.

Once you reached the floor of the Avenger’s common areas, also where Loki’s room was, Loki was standing there, waiting for you.

The sticks and stones they throw froze mid-air

As soon as you saw him, everything somehow became a little bit better. You rushed into his arms, and he hugged you.

Everyone wants him, that was my crime

Some of the stories had only talked shit about you, and not Loki. Forums online called you names, while praising Loki. You weren’t ignorant to the fact that despite everything he had done, Loki still had loads of fans that would defend him and get jealous of anyone who actually got close to him. That was how fangirls and fanboys worked. Also, people were just misogynists and loved to put the blame on women. 

The wrong place at the right time

Maybe you weren’t supposed to be here. Maybe some of the articles were right, you were in the wrong place by being here in Loki’s arms. But damn the articles, because you felt safe here.

And I break down, then he's pullin' me in

He brought you through the halls and into his room, where you both sat down on his bed. “What happened?” He asked.

Had he really not seen the articles? You opened your mouth to talk, but your emotions got the best of you and you started to break down.

Loki pulled you into his lap, resting your head under his chin. “Hey, hey, shhh.” He coaxed, petting your hair with his hand. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

See? How was there not something there? Were you going crazy?

In a world of boys, he's a gentleman

He continued to coax you, and eventually you fell asleep in his arms.

~~~~~

The next morning, you woke up with arms around your waist. This wasn’t new, you had slept-in the literal sense-with Loki on several occasions whenever one of you needed emotional support. It did hurt that it was always as friends, but it was better than nothing, and you would take what you could get.

Loki rustled beside you, and you turned to face him. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, and you instinctively reached out to brush a loose strand of hair behind his ear. His eyes opened at your touch, and your face went red. 

“Sorry, I-” He hushed you, smiling at how your face was heating up because he caught you.

“Don’t apologize, there’s nothing to apologize for.” He took your hand, and finished tucking his hair behind his ear with your hand .

You cleared your throat, slipping out of bed. You noted that he had magicked you into some pajamas sometime after you had fallen asleep.

He slowly sat up, his hair falling loose once more. “I’m going to get into the shower.” He said, and you nodded. 

“I’ll go out and see if anyone’s making breakfast I can steal.” You said, and he chuckled.

The Avengers were used to your presence at this point, and you were friends with them. You were even invited to their movie nights and poker nights, events that were exclusive to just the team and occasionally their friends, such as you. 

They were relatively surprised that you and Loki had become such good friends, but nobody really said anything about it. You got a few warnings to be careful, but for the most part, they trusted your judgment.

Thor was especially happy that Loki had made such a good friend. He would always tell you how much he appreciated you being there for Loki. He must not have quite understood just how much Loki was there for you as well.

Scents of eggs and bacon wafted into your nose, and you grinned when you found Clint in the kitchen. He saw you, smiling. “Hey there, Brownies.” He said, offering you some breakfast. 

Clint, along with some of the other members of the team, had begun to call you ‘Brownies’ after you got into a stash of edibles that some of them kept for whenever they were particularly stressed. Of course, you had thought that they were normal brownies and ate several of them. You had ended up throwing up multiple times that night.

You scarfed down the food, and Natasha walked in and sat next to you. When Clint left to go for a morning walk, she turned to you with a raised eyebrow. “So?”

You looked at her, confused. You had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. “So what?”

She rolled her eyes. “Did you and Loki finally confess to each other?” She said, without batting an eye.

You choked on your orange juice. “What?!” You hadn’t told a single soul about your crush on Loki, but it wasn’t too hard to figure out. Honestly, it didn’t surprise you that she knew about it, but it did surprise you that she would ask you so passively like it was idle talk.

“Don’t look at me like that.” She took a bite of her food before continuing. “Literally everyone knows that you and Loki are pining for each other. It’s blatantly obvious, Sestryonka. Maybe you two won’t admit it to yourselves, but ask anyone else in the tower.”

At that moment, Sam walked in to grab a few pieces of bacon. “Hey Sam?” You started, and he looked towards you. “Do you think that Loki likes me?”

Sam raised his eyebrow. “Aren’t you two dating?” Once again, you choked on your orange juice. “I’ll take that as a no. But yeah, he likes you.”

“Did he tell you this?” You inquired. How were other people so sure?

Sam shook his head. “No, but it’s obvious.” He grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. “Gotta go meet with an old friend, see you around.”

Natasha gave you an I-told-you-so look, and you just sat there, stunned. “I think I need to go home. I forgot that I told my dad I would go with him to some business meeting.” You lied, and Natasha most definitely saw through it, but she didn’t say anything. “Tell Loki whenever he gets out of the shower.” 

She nodded, and you left to go back to your house.

Got love-struck, went straight to my head (Straight to my head)

Could Natasha and Sam be right? Could Loki really recuperate your feelings? It wasn’t entirely impossible, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up. 

All the times that you thought he had been playfully flirting with you, what if it had been real? The moments flashed through your mind, and suddenly the line that separated you and Loki as friends became a little more blurry.

Got lovesick all over my bed (Over my bed)

When you made it home and to your room, you fell into your bed, emotions overflowing. You didn’t know what to do.

Love to think you’ll never forget

You had to just be a friend to Loki. He would live thousands of years after you died, your life could never compare to his. He would move on with his life, and forget about you. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

We’ll pay the price, I guess

~~~~~

It had been a solid month of you ignoring Loki. Your thoughts had spurred you into insecurity, and you figured that it was best that you disconnected yourself from Loki. He would be fine, he would move on, but you wanted to spare yourself the hurt for when that did happen.

Turns out, ignoring him wasn’t easy. First of all, he called you daily and messaged you several times a day for the first week. You couldn’t keep yourself from reading the messages.

Lokes ♥️: Natasha told me you had to go to some event. Have fun 🙃 Lokes ♥️: Are you okay? You didn’t respond to my last message.  Lokes ��️: If you need anything, please let me know. Lokes ♥️: You’re worrying me. Lokes ♥️: Darling, have I done something wrong? I know you're online, you sent Thor a funny dog video, he just showed it to me and said you sent it. Please tell me if I’ve done something that displeases you.

You were surprised you were able to make it a month without breaking your resolve and writing him back. You didn’t want him to feel that he did anything wrong, but you couldn’t risk your heart being shattered any further.

Unfortunately, your dad was making you go to another party. And, lucky you, it was at the Avengers tower. Just how many parties did Tony Stark have to host?

You walked into the party, confident that you had enough willpower to keep away from Loki and make it through the party unscathed. 

Knowing you would need some alcohol, you made your way to the bar. Natasha was there shortly after. “We haven’t seen you around in a while.”

You hadn’t visited the tower since your decision to ghost Loki. While you normally would hang out with the others, you knew you couldn’t risk the chance of bumping into Loki.

“Yeah, I’ve been… busy.” You knew Natasha wasn’t stupid enough to buy your lie. 

She took a sip of her drink. “Well, we’ve missed you. And for the record, I think you’ve been going about this the wrong way. I don’t know what’s going on with you and Loki right now, but it doesn’t seem that Loki wants this. He’s not been the same since you stopped talking to him, he’s always moping around even more than usual.” 

Your heart squeezed. “Still? It’s been a month. Surely he’s got some other friend, girlfriend even-”

Natasha cut you off with a laugh. “You are blissfully ignorant, aren’t you, Mishka?” You were about to excuse yourself to use the bathroom, because you needed to get out of here. “He has literally come to me every day asking if you have texted me. Hell, I didn’t ever think that I would feel bad for the little bastard, but seeing him like that nearly did.”

You locked eyes with Loki, who was across the room. As soon as you did that, you could feel your walls of built resolve crumbling down just with the look in his eyes. 

You could hear Natasha still talking next to you, but it was drowned out. You quickly made your way opposite from him, trying to find an exit before you broke down.

A hand pulled you around to face him . The one you had been avoiding. Your breath caught. He looked tired and sad, with eye bags under his eyes. Had you being away from him done this?

But if I'm all dressed up (If I’m all dressed up)

The dress you were wearing was the same black dress from the night you had finally introduced yourself to him. In fact, you weren’t far off from where you had talked about your favorite books. 

Loki breathed your name, and looked at you like you were a fleeting memory about to disappear.

They might as well be lookin' at us (Lookin' at us)

Suddenly, you couldn’t care if the entire world was watching as you glanced down to his lips. You took a step towards him. “Loki.”

“Where have you been?” He sounded heartbroken. “I’ve called you, texted you, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve laid up at night-”

You silenced him by pulling down the collar of his shirt and kissing him. Was it the most logical thing to do? No. But maybe it would answer some of his questions. 

“I’m sorry.” You said when you finally pulled away. You waited for him to say something, anything, but he pulled you in for another kiss. Maybe that was better than words.

And if they call me a slut (If they call me a slut)

Consequences be damned, you were going to enjoy this kiss while it lasted. You could deal with the press later.

You know it might be worth it for once (Worth it for once)

You knew that it would be worth it anyways, since Loki’s lips against yours felt like pure nirvana. It was the best feeling you had ever experienced in your life.

Eventually, you both needed to breathe, so you pulled apart. After catching your breath, you gestured to the bar. “Let’s get a drink.”

And if I'm gonna be drunk

You had a lot to explain, and you were going to need a shot or two to get it all out. You already felt less nervous than you did originally, considering the kiss. 

I might as well be drunk in love

After taking a shot, you turned to him. “Loki Laufeyson, from the day that I met you, I’ve felt this inexplicable feeling. I didn’t know what it was at first, but I knew that I needed to get to know you better.” You took a deep breath. “And once I realized what it was, I got scared. When the possibility of something happening got too real, I got insecure. That’s why I didn’t contact you. I thought it would be better for both of us.”

He stared at you for a long moment, and you felt a tear drip down your cheek. He reached out to catch it with his finger. “Oh, love.”

He kissed you, this time in comfort. “I’m just glad you’re back.”

Slow clapping filled your ears as you leaned your forehead against Loki’s. You whipped around to find Natasha with a smirk on her face. It wasn’t just Natasha, it seemed that the majority of the Avengers were now staring at you. Nobody looked shocked.

Thor wore a huge shit-eating grin and walked up to Loki, clapping him on the back. “See, Brother, I told you it would all work out!” 

Loki huffed and rolled his eyes. “No thanks to you and your advice.” 

You tilted your head, confused. “Advice?” You turned to Thor. “Thor, what is he talking about?” 

Thor’s smile didn’t falter. “Well, my lady, my brother here inquired for advice on how to woo maidens. Since I am well-rounded on the subject, I gave him my best advice.” 

Loki’s usually pale face had now turned red, and you could feel your cheeks getting hot as well. “Did he really?” You said, teasing Loki. 

“I was desperate. Next time, however, I will most definitely be more straightforward.” He kissed you on the forehead. “We wouldn’t want you running off again, now, would we?”

~~~~~

Half asleep, takin’ your time

Loki pulled you closer to him in a half-asleep state. You squinted at the alarm clock, reading the time. It was 10 in the morning. Last night, you had told your dad that you were going to spend the night with Natasha.

“Loki.” You whispered, shaking him gently awake. He groaned, tightening his hold on you. “Loki, we should get up.” 

In the tangerine, neon light, this is luxury

The sun cast a tangerine-colored neon light into the room, and it highlighted his features beautifully. You couldn’t think of anywhere else in the world you wanted to be other than right here in his arms. It was a pure luxury that you would cherish forever.

“Can’t we just stay here?” He whined, and you were tempted to agree and fall back asleep against his chest. But you knew that you had things that needed to get done that day.

You traced lines across his chest, slowly. “Nope, we gotta get up. Come on.” You pulled the blankets off of him, and he grumbled but sat up. 

He looked like he was about to complain some more, but he stopped himself when he saw you. “You’re beautiful.” He breathed, like he was seeing something magical. 

“Yeah, okay, silvertongue.” You got out of bed, and scavenged through his closet to find some of his clothes to steal. 

He came up behind you, kissing your neck. “I mean it, darling.” You blushed. How were you ever going to get used to this? 

You're not sayin' you're in love with me

He hummed on your shoulder, hugging you. Neither of you had blatantly stated your undying love for each other, but it was heavily implied. Every action either of you took was filled with passionate love for the other. 

But you're going to

And it was okay if you didn’t acknowledge your love quite yet. Taking things slow never hurt anyone. It was okay. It would happen. Eventually. Right?

You wanted to say it, to say those words: ‘I love you,’ but you were too afraid that you would be taking things too fast and scare Loki off.

Half awake, takin' your chances

“Darling?” He said, and you tilted your head up as you grabbed one of his sweatshirts. “I love you.” 

Had he been reading your mind? You froze, unsure of what to say or do. He seemed to have only been half-awake, but when he said those words, he fully woke up.

“I didn’t mean to- I wasn’t think-” You shut him up with a kiss. 

You smiled into the kiss. “I love you too, you big idiot.” He relaxed at this and helped you put his sweatshirt on. 

It's a big mistake, I said, "It might blow up in your pretty face"

“Although, loving me might blow up in your pretty face.” You said, rustling your hands in his raven locks.

He leaned into you. “If I’m with you, nothing else matters.” He grabbed some clothes for himself. “And I’m flattered you think my face is pretty.” 

I'm not saying, "Do it anyway" (Do it anyway)

You knew then and there that he wouldn’t care about the fallback from a relationship with you, no matter how bad it might be. Loki’s never been one for caring about his public opinion, anyway. 

“Are you sure?” You tried, still slightly insecure about the entire thing. “Won’t you get bored?”

But you're going to

He laughed. “Darling, with you, I could never get bored. You’ve shown me so many things about this world that I never would have thought possible. You’ve helped me through my emotions, and didn’t run away when it was ugly. You didn't go away when I attempted to shut you out.” 

He pulled you into his embrace. “You’re everything I didn’t know I needed all balled up into one soul that I finally have found. I wouldn’t be able to get bored of you even if I tried.”

You felt hot tears stream down your cheeks. Never had fate been this good to you, and you finally felt like you belonged somewhere without a doubt. You belonged here, in Loki’s arms.

And if they call me a (Slut) You know it might be worth it for once And if I'm gonna be (Drunk) I might as well be drunk in love

Tag List (Comment or inbox me to be added/removed; along with what to be tagged for): @michief-dream @iceeericeee @fandxmslxt69

Hope you enjoyed! Comments and notes are always appreciated. I hope I didn't add to many scene changes/focus too much on the reader, it just kind of turned out that way.

[thevoidscreams]

hi hii what do you think of a baseline human being perturabo's emotional support teddybear? just lets him have the bliss of just being a really good architect and just having a friend who actually agrees that hey! maybe being born just to be a tool for destruction and power isnt that great (but that sentiment could apply for all of the primarchs tbh)

you don't have to write anything i you dont wanne, just wanted to share something abt the primarchs just.. allowed to be human for once

(Perturabo needs and deserves a hug.

He should have been allowed to be more than he was and a solid human connection really could have helped with that.

I think a lot of the primarchs suffered from social isolation due to the very nature of their being, and had that not been the case, they would have been a lot happier and mentally healthy.

That being said, I love the idea of being his teddybear. So here you go. )

(Feel free to hit me up if this isn't exactly what you wanted, I'll write more)

His hands worked so delicately. It was hard to believe that a man so big could manipulate tools so tiny. But his functional models needed some fine tuning, and Perturabo was not one to let his possessions fall into disrepair.

"Will it he done soon?" You asked in a quiet voice, careful not to disturb his focus too much.

"Soon." He rumbled back, moving his shoulder so you could get a better look at his work.

"Can I see it?"

Perturabo looked away from his work for the first time in hours to look down at you. Even sitting, he was several heads taller. He sat back and patted his lap, a silent invitation for you to climb up.

It was not an invitation you took lightly but Perty was your friend and you loved being near to him.

"You'll have the best view from here," he said, setting his tiny screw driver down to pick up a pair of tiny tweezers. You could feel his voice in his chest, and you rested against him carefully.

The arm not currently working came up to hold you close to him. It wasn't long after you'd befriended the giant man that you learned just how starved for positive contact he really was. So sitting in his lap during his downtime became routine, it became comfortable, and you became his human connection. The thing reminding him that he, no matter his station or power, was human too. And he handled you with the same delicate grace that he handled his models. People began to associate you with him and began to give you soft nicknames like, 'Perturabo's Teddy or the Teddy Bear.'

"Hand me the flathead?" He asked, and you plucked it up, handing him the tool. "Thank you."

"Of course, anything for you, my friend." His arm tightened briefly around you waist. Another small gesture the two of you developed, it meant he was pleased. But by your words or actions, you were sure. Maybe both?

The evening grew later as you spent it bringing the other comfort in quiet ways. "I think it's looking good. It'll definitely be up and running soon." Your face held a proud smile, and your arms snaked around his waist to hug him properly. A gesture you knew he'd allow from you and very few others.

"I think so, too." He agreed, setting his tool down and standing with you in his arms.

"Would it be alright if I spent the night with you?" You asked, not ready to leave your friend.

You felt his soft chuckle as much as you heard it, and the lord of iron nodded. "Of course," he shared a rare smile with you as he looked down at you. "After all, how would I sleep without my teddy bear?"

[vasyandii]

Hi, Vasya! I’m sorry, if you wrote it somewhere and I just missed it, but I was wondering, what are Naks relationships with other Chimera members (ok, Krueger is obvious and I remember you writing about Syd). Is it ‘just business’ for her or are they her friends? What does she think of them? Thank you so much!

Hi Thank you so much for the Ask!! Im going to section out by each individual operator if that's okay (I'm really bad at explaining things so please bear with me ;-;)

NAK'S RELATIONSHIPS WITH CHIMERA MEMBERS (+How I think Nak would draw them)

Beforehand: These are just my personal Headcanons from how I interpret their characters and voicelines!

SYD

I briefly mentioned Syd being someone Nak views as an older sister figure in her Bio so I'd like to touch more on that-

Nak, She sees Syd as a sister because Syd's the first person she's comfortable enough to talk about her personal experiences and cares enough about her that Nak shows interest in what Syd as to say. For a long while didn't have a healthy support system before she fled Laos . Being introduced to Syd, she was reluctant and dismissive for the first week or so. However, seeing how Syd was trying to at least be on good terms with her, she thought it was safe enough to give it a chance.

Syd (from her voicelines) is outgoing, friendly, strong-willed, and determined. Nikolai probably asked her to intergrate Nak into the group. Both of them being from wealthy families of people with political/military influence is something they have in common. She understood to an extent why Nak had difficulty trusting people (Not including the whole Naga Trauma stuff) and was willing to take up the challenge.

They hang out during breaks, Nak gets to experience Normal life stuff like a Girls Night, doing her hair, going shopping.

YEGOR

Yegor, having 3 kids himself, probably has an instinct to protect and look out for those who are younger in the field (from His interactions with Rodion and his discomfort with using children during interrogation). He's lowkey concerned abt Nak because she's one of the youngest members in the faction. He knows how people in their early 20s would act from his personal experience but Nak doesn't fit the mold and it's worrying, even if he doesn't say it.

Nak has cried because he called her "kid", she didn't even realize she was crying from that. It was like an inner child healing experience. She initially didn't like him because she felt like he was "treating her as if she's a child" but grew to respect him since they have pasts in organized crime and he feels like her idea of a dad.

NIKOLAI

Nikolai is hard on Nak (alot of cleaning duties, etc.) Because she's one of the youngest people in the faction. " If you wann work here you gotta be good at your job" mindset. He knows that she's a good operator so he pushes her to do her best, with boundaries of course.

Nak thinks of Nikolai as a better version of Naga. She says he's a pain in the ass but really respects him; He got her a job, he accommodated for her issues with routine mental check ups, and his methods with missions is efficient and more her style. She's called him Dad on accident a handful of times, I don't think Nikolai bothered to correct her though.

ISKRA

Iskra doesn't have an opinion on Nak, she respects Nak's ability as an operator but thinks she's a bit strange

Nak thinks Iskra is so cool. She doesn't know how to talk to her because she thinks Iskra is really pretty and admires her relationships with the other female operators. She wants to be friends with her.

Farah

Farah doesn't have an opinion in Nak, doesn't know her that well.

Nak is a bit intimidated by Farah because of her Accomplishments, respects her as an operator

Krueger

She thinks he's stupid and dumb (they kiss)

If you made it this far thank you or reading, the post corrupted initially so that's why it's longer 😭😭

[lostonmari]

SUCCESS #2 - November

Success #2 -- Everything I manifested in November

November is when I started this blog, and also ACTUALLY started applying all of the things I learned started taking affirming and thinking in my favor seriously instead of just sporadically manifesting random things here and there because I was too lazy to put in the work. I never had issues w wavering, but I was just inconsistent as fuck (Hell, I'm still inconsistent with posting on my own damn blog, yall can't possibly think I'm consistent with affirming!) So here's everything I manifested…

Manifested back my old bestfriend/ex-gf after 4 years no contact She came back, apologized for mistreating me and told me basically everything I affirmed for LMAO. and that's one of the things that gave me faith in the law because ik this girl would rather die than ever apologize to someone. Now that she's back I'm manifesting away her friends and leaving her broke down and in shambles because I'm evil and believe in revenge. yall dont know the type of bullsh*t this woman put me through. Idc if everyone is you pushed out, some people don't deserve forgiveness 🤓

My mom is walking again I successfully revised her shattered ankle without the weeks of recovery time the doctors "thought" she needed. She's literally walking around just fine now and doesn't need to wear her cast or whatever that big bulky thing was.

Manifested my brother out of jail on a time crunch Now I'm not sharing my family's whole drama online but… yea. he's out.

No more social anxiety, cured one of my mental health issues I don't wanna trauma dump or go into too much detail about my life but, yes. for anyone also working on mental health, it can be done and you won't regret trying. Life actually feels like it has meaning now and for once in all my years of life, I can actually say that I'm happy. 💗

Stopped nail biting COMPLETELY! I used to struggle with nail biting for YEARSSS whether it was out of stress, anxiety, whatever the fuck. but now it's completely gone. my nails are no longer STUBS, like theyre actually long and healthy. I didn't even affirm for this so I kinda think it came with improving my mental health since I didn't really have the issues that *triggered* nail biting anymore yk?. I'm actually the happiest about this result like yall don't understand how long I've wanted the natural french tips look 💀

[TW: Discussion of binging, discussion of food]

6. WL + Maintained weight loss! I literally changed my entire way of viewing food, and subsequently fixed my lose->gain->lose-> gain again cycle. Ever since learning LOAss If I binged I would be like: I just have a fast metabolism so that's why I'm so hungry my body is burning everything I eat so fast! and I would also tell myself calories don't matter because food is only energy. Basically, reminding myself of what Abdullah told Neville: "If you ate as I did, you would be poisoned because of your belief." (heavily paraphrased because my memory is terrible.. yes I'm working on it 😭) and it keeps me from feeling guilty abt eating. I ate SOOO MUCH food yesterday and I mean SO MUCH. I ate an entire box of cheese sticks, two large chicken sandwiches, 2 pb & j sandwiches total throughout the day, and half a tub of icecream for dessert… Yeah I was going crazy.. to the point I looked 5 months pregnant at the end of the night. Fast forward to today, my stomach is back to flat and back to normal as if it never happened. Food literally will not effect you if you believe it doesn't! This was my main focus too so I'm very proud of myself :)

Moral of the story is, never give up.

YOU decide what happens in your reality and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There were times when I didn't want to affirm, so I didn't. If I felt lazy then I didn't consciously affirm or listen to subliminals, I just relaxed and went on about my day. I never made affirming feel like a chore. There were times when I had doubts too or thought it wouldn't work. I especially thought it wouldn't work for my mental health but I just affirmed anyway. When you're having resistance literally just know there's nothing bad that can possibly happen from believing in yourself and thinking in your favor. Just DO IT. Persist no matter what and you WILL get what you want!

I'll try to do better with posting my successes (but only ones that actually meant something big to me tbh. I don't see a point in sharing every little thing unless it was me overcoming some type of struggle) and answering messages but I refuse to download the tumblr app so yall just gotta see and hear from me whenever I feel like loading up this website. I'm just enjoying & living my life rn girl I used to dream about times like this and now I finally have them 😭

[antiradqueer]

i love this blog so much. i was groomed by specifically paraphile communities (anti-c and pro-c! would you look at that.) and because of that i was in the radqueer community for a bit. because i was like oh!! these people are pro-para aswell!! until i realized… most para communities and ‘pro-para’ communities are just harmful because they try to normalize the actions and thoughts instead of trying to help you heal from them. i was like 12 when it started and got out when i was 14. it went on for two whole years. i think it’s crazy. i was in a gc full of paras and was the youngest one there. (i joined it when i was 14 i think? but i knew the owner of it from the time i was 13.) everyone else was like 16-30+ and i think that’s INSANE. sfw or not how are you gonna put a minor (multiple minors. sometimes people younger than me joined.) into a gc full of adults, let them talk abt their paraphilias, have the ADULTS talk about theirs. and be like “we aren’t groomers!! we help and support!!” like yeah. sure. okay. the first thing i got asked when i joined the gc? “what are your paraphilias?” FROM A WHOLE ASS ADULT MAN. also mind you none of these people were quiet about their paraphilias. they claimed to be anti contact yet half of them would say weird shit about whatever they were attracted to. last time i checked you can’t be anti contact if you sexualize or say weird things about the things you’re attracted to if they can’t consent. and like. don’t get me wrong. i’m still a paraphile, i’ve got multiple that’d be harmful if i acted on them. but the thing is the thoughts don’t distress me anymore, because i’ve learnt how to cope with them in healthy ways and i’m not normalizing them to myself like the communities tried to get me to. but i’m not open about them, i don’t go around being like “IM A PARA!!!! I LIKE (THING)!! IF YOU DONT ACCEPT ME YOURE ABLEIST!!” so.. idk. para communities are just.. weird. esp radqueer communities since they normalize it way more. i think if you really wanna recover from something you can’t join a group of people who make it seem like acting on it is okay. anyways sorry for the long ass rant in your inbox. LMAO. i’m just happy this blog exists because it really helps me know that what i went through was real and i’m not just convincing myself i was groomed so i don’t view myself as a bad person. thank you for existing 🫶

what you went through sounds absolutely horrible, and I hope you can safely heal from that!

I also don't want to claim that what you say is wrong at all (the part about most/many para communities being weird as fuck), but I do want to mention again that this blog is pro-para (and strictly anti-c for harmful ones of course). just a reminder ^^ (/gentle)

I totally agree, in order to heal from harmful and disordered paraphilias, surrounding yourself with pro-c, neutral-c or whatever people is extremely contraproductive and dangerous - and the server you were in sounds a lot like being secretly pro-c, maybe even intended as a pipeline towards being pro-c. glad you got out!

[paldogangsaan]

and what do you think about the choice that the gods have had to do in the most recent chapters? It's obvious that they hate it, but they have no any other solution that killing the infected. T

Tenji says that they have no time to search one because of the urgency and the dangerosity of the situation. it's so contagious that one even brief contact with a healthy human is 100% contagious. The gods knows how heal a shinki or a god who is soiled but a human? they never see that, they don't know how help.

Kunimi says himself to Ebisu "the only solution may be to kill them", the only solution may be mercy but they hate it. The gods looks so resigned when they speak about it.

Take even says to Kiun "you can sting me, I'll understand" and from him it's a lot, considering that his previous incarnation has been stung to death by his own shinkis.

ebisu finds a "solution": a big barrer but it for protect the other/healthy humans, bt it's not a way to save the infected, just isole them.

The whole situation is awful, both gods and kiun looks tired, resigned and disgusted. But no shinkis has stung his god from now. Meaning that they also think that it may be the only way.

i think the whole situation is more complicated than the one with ebisu, takemikazuchi and the man who did the soul call, but at the end of the day,,, they’re still doing exactly what father hates gods for doing. it’s still divine intervention in a way that will get humans killed and they’ll face no consequence for doing so. i admit the perspective changes slightly when taking into account that they actually feel guilt over it (a factor that father definitely never took into account; i wouldn’t be surprised if he thought gods were incapable of empathy, perhaps specifically bc they were incapable of loving humans), and understanding that their shinki might blight them for it shows that they believe it to be immoral as well. still, it’s difficult to spin in a justified way, given humans will be losing their lives because gods are killing them. intention vs result/consequence and all that

tbh i find the entire situation fascinating not just from the gods’ point of view, but also from father’s. everything he’s done stems from a traumatic life and the loss of kaya, where he came to believe that heaven’s system is fundamentally wrong. he pretty much witnessed the worst of humanity, and due to trauma he wants them all to be truthful and act on their kindness (or what he believes to be their kindness) regardless of consequence, since it was a lack of action and empathy that made him suffer. and through it, he’s (inadvertently? though it can probs be debated that he did it on purpose to force gods to confront the system they’re a part of but idk) forced the gods’ hands, and perpetuated the cycle of god-inflicted-violence-upon-humanity himself (something something he’s not human anymore so he can’t fully empathize with humans despite claiming he cares abt them, but that care is almos detached as he doesn’t care abt specific people bc he’s never met them, he can only “care” abt collectives much like gods do bc father’s almost forgotten, to a certain extent, what it’s like to be human something something becoming what you hate and making your children suffer just like how you were made to suffer etc etc).

the gods are, admittedly, in an impossible situation. the infection, for lack of a better word, spreads through simple contact, like you said, and it’s spreading fast. isolating them with a barrier is temporary, but the fact that they did it is still probably a lot more than what father expected of them. i think them not knowing how to fix it bc it’s completely unprecedented sort of… sort of makes the situation less gray? or at least appear to be less gray. their hand is pretty much being forced and they are trying to do things differently, but… it sort of feels like them being forced to confront the things they’ve done before on a more personal scale. their battles against phantoms can cause hurricanes or earthquakes (think this was mentioned at the beginning of the manga) and that can cause the deaths of humans, and this situation is similar but on a more personal scale; their battle with father, a far shore being, bled into the near shore and humans are dying because of it. in father’s mind, he’s probably thinking why it’s different now vs before. why they’re taking action now when they previously didn’t, and why they’re suddenly hesitating in ending humans lives when (from his perspective) they never did before

as a side note, takemikazuchi telling kiun he’ll understand if he’s stung, despite the trauma he obviously has surrounding being blighted, is such a deep show of trust and, frankly, an understanding of empathy and humanity. both for his shinki, and for the humans affected (and it’s definitely not a coincidence that he said this and he’s one of the two that went to destroy father’s grave and encountered the old man)

i went on too many tangents here but i hope the post is still readable 😭 if you couldn’t tell i love this manga and wholeheartedly believe everyone should read it. thanks for your questions, anon!

[wildernessuntothemselves]

omg where do i even begin w love you x 3... honestly one of the best fics i've ever read ever and i went in thinking "oh haha a misandrist oc she just like me" and got served, spoon fed, auto refilled my drink, cleaned my mouth w a napkin, and tucked me into bed like I LOVE IT SM!!!!!

i love how u don't sway her one bit from her views and instead made her learn to trust and open up, i love how she's dripping in pure female rage and yet still keeps a stable head like she knows she went too far when she made beomgyu cry, i love how snarky and egotistical and prideful she is like she is everything i am but lowkey lmao

AND OMG I CANT EVER ENCAPSULATE HOW MUCH I WANT A MAN LIKE BEOMGYU!!!!

he is everything i long for in a man, i can't count on my fingers how many men, romantically or not, have lost patience in me and gave up when all i did was test them, and i cried a lil like beomgyu just exceeds all of my expectations for a man and he set a new bar for me now lmao.

seriously head over heels, from the first night they married, and him learning not to hurt her pride and ego lmao, him giving her space and letting her go back to him once she wants him, him taking her fear seriously once he realized how much it's affecting her, him very bluntly rejecting that girl, him being so nonchalant abt what everyone thinks of his masculinity even when he's challenged on it and losing he's not the slightest bit concerned abt his image, all he thought abt was how she probably wants a guy like yeonjun (which false lol)

he is so secure in his masculinity that all he thinks abt is how to please his wife... like please please omg send him my way i beg

oh also i love when she met her parents again and her father asks how are u doing my flower and she just replied deflowered IM FLOORED BEST LINE I'VE EVER READ

i usually don't write this long of a feedback but ur fic just tapped into my soul and now i get why ppl are hopeless romantics 🚶‍♀️

while i adore the fact that you loved the story so much i have to address a part of your message

"can't count on my fingers how many men, romantically or not, have lost patience in me and gave up when all i did was test them"

i don't think "testing" people is good or healthy from either men or women. playing with people to see if they will stay or not just creates heartbreak just like you've experienced. i think you've misunderstood the point i was making with the oc. it's not to say she is right about her misanderist views and that the worthy man will jump through hoops to prove himself to her. it's that oc, while valid in her distrust of men especially during that time period, is wrong to just write off every man as misogynistic and an asshole even when they've done nothing to deserve that judgement. i even hinted at it with how oc said her own father sold her off when in fact he didn't. he wanted to protect her because he knew when he dies other men will attempt to take her money.

but yes beomgyu in that fic was just so wonderful and lovely and sadly probably doesn't exist but we can dream 😪

[ay-chuu]

hiee im here 4 the matching event (bungo stray dogs pls)!! also pls stay safe with the earthquake and stuff thats going on!!!!!

i'm 21, 5'2", and i have brown hair and green eyes !!

zodiac: scorpio

mbti: istj

hobbies:

going on nature walks and taking pictures of bugs and birds!! i love birding but im new to it

drawing!!! and writing sometimes

listening to music or just reading abt my current hyperfix !!

i bake occasionally but im new to it still

things i hate:

people who are rude asf to other people for no reason and take their anger out on others (kunikida and chuuya dont count theyre special and kind they just have a temper)

loud noises

ppl who go out of their way to hurt bugs 4 no reason. like killing them is fine if theyre in ur house but u dont have to torture them ):

Favorite things:

my fav games are probably tf2 and hollow knight! i also dabble in minecraft !!

my fav genre of movie is horror and one of my favs is cloverfield or scream!! i love creature features and kaiju movies too!!

i love all sorts of music but i listen to a lot of indie/alternative music and alternative rock!!!! the only music i dont rly like is country.

ummm idk if i have an idol >_< but i think zoology is cool. i will ask plz dont match me with mori or tanizaki if thats ok !!

Hi! Thanks for your good wishes love! You cant know how much i admire them! (ɔ˘ ³(ˆ‿ˆc)

I match you with... (っ＾▿＾)💨

ATSUSHI NAKAJIMA!

First of all, from an MBTI and astrological point of view, your zodiac signs are healthy compatible, while your MBTIs will arrive at the perfect match except for some toxic aspects of the two sides! By the way, Atsushi loves looking into your green eyes and kissing your eyelids! :3 I can imagine you playing with his bangs too!

Your outlook on life, your hobbies and the secret softness of your personality makes Atsushi very happy. Because while he couldn't even had time to experience and love some simple things throughout his life, you are very determined to hold his hand and bring it to the top in the spiritual sense. Burnt or not, he will love to eat anything you cook. And he will suggest making an album of the photos you took <3

your logic and knowledge of certain things will save him from acting on his feelings. And his curiosity and gentleness in everything will make you feel satisfied about the issues that you may have been missing for years. Atsushi takes great care to do his best for you and be a therapist lover the way you are to him. By the way, your love for different creatures makes him feel at peace with himself and this is one of his favorite qualities about you! <3

I think that the thing he can't stand about you is your courage haha! Because you like to try new things and not avoid scary things, sometimes you give him minor heart attacks KJSDLFJASLDFG he's more of a happy-go-lucky type on his mind. But don't be afraid! By sacrificing some moments to each other, you are not hurting each other and you are solving this problem!

I can see your relationship progressing by talking and solving each other's past troubles and I can see you find peace in each other <3 Some of your memories: the way you shouted and jumping at Atsushi who almost stepped on a bug while hiking, the first kiss you shared on the first mountain you climbed together, hugging on the sofa while talking to each other at home and you excitedly introduce the new rock music you listen while he feels like his ears are bleeding but still has same excitement like you T^T

And finally, a personal comment: What you wrote about bugs made me smile because it was so sweet and tragicomic that you added something like that when everyone else was adding bugs to things they hate. 😭😭

Hope you'll like it! <3

[mooahxx]

getting into depression

yes, i'm getting into depression. and no, it's not like a point of view of mine, i'm really getting into it. so first i'm going to explain u why and how.

well, so what's depression and how it start? i must say, if you're not depressed, u can't actually understand how if feels, because only a depressed person will know the feeling. and that's because your brain is working perfectly fine to get it. so why do we feel depressed? well, depression normally appears when you face something in your journey that you're not prepared for or being in situations that you don't have control about it or countless other reasons... in summary: when life happens. ''ok, mooah, but how?'' well, imagine a healthy brain function. what happens there? well, when ur brain is healthy, it means you're ''living'' and in addition to that ur making it produce serotonin and dopamine. and those neurotransmitters are important to make your life shine bright like a diamond. so here's how depression starts. one day you're fighting something that hurts you or bothers you. and then another day you're really done of that because everything seems so unfair to you and you start to realize how hard life is to some kind of people. you are really really tired, so you start to think like, ''whatever'' or ''i don't care anymore''. and then you're like, let me buy this because i know this will make me happy, and it doesn't. so you do another thing but it doesn't as well. and then u start to realize that nothing you do works, because you're still unhappy and deep down you think it's because you didn't solve your main problem. so guess what? you're getting into depression. yayy. but like, ''why?'' you ask. well, during all those days of you trying and ''giving up'' you got your brain used to a kind of feeling and mood: sadness and tiredness. so during the whole period, your brain learn and adjust it to live in that state. shit. so what now? well, u might think that solving your main problem it'll fix (yeah, our brain is actually a quite machine) your state. nah y'all... i'm telling you, it will make you feel worse by making you realize that nothing will happen like u were expecting. the thing is, you'll have to force your brain to create dopamine and serotonin at all cost. ''mooah, do you want me to take pills?'' NO! that's for worst cases with a profissional recommendation. so because we don't want do get into that stage, we will have to force it naturally. ''but how am i going to do this if nothing i do matters?''. well, nothing new matters. you know what? feelings are complicated things (tell u abt it right). you won't be able to force your brain to produce those neurotransmitters with new things. but your brain has memory, and nothing is stronger than memories. so the thing is, you''ll have to make your brain produce neurotransmitters by feeling nostalgic. buying new clothes/shoes/skin care products :(me) won't make you produce nothing strong. but, re-watching something you used to love, meeting people who used to make you feel better, doing things that brings you memory... will certainly make your brain produce those neurotransmitters better. and definitely we can't forget to eat healthily too... remember the machine thing. and also, we got neurotransmitters in our digestive system, so... but yeah, that's the worst part, right? because we just feel like going home and sometimes not even that...but...like...that's all what we gotta do. because we will be out of this, right? let's do it together, step by step. so make your brain produce serotonin today. I pinky promise you i'll do the same.

[rockymthorrorshow]

you know, i've been thinking abt creative and artistic pursuits and like. Jobs and shit recently. (working a dead-end customer service job will do that do a gal.) and at the risk of doing my favorite thing, which is belaboring a metaphor, i've also been thinking abt reintroduction of wolves.

see, when they reintroduced wolves to yellowstone national park, it changed the course of the yellowstone river. that's the short version, anyway - the reality is a much longer process of ecological restoration that, for the most part, to my understanding, happened largely on its own. wolves reintroduced = better regulated deer and elk populations through natural predation = increased growth of wetland plants that high desert ungulates like to snack upon = better habitat for beavers and such/more robust plants to hold dirt in place in the face of water in transit = changed course of river. as someone who knows Fuck All about ecology or wildlife biology, i'm probably getting a bunch of that wrong, but it's fun to think abt. wolves changing the course of a river.

(stay with me here, this is the metaphor part.)

i don't think any human being on earth would ascribe such habitat changing effects to one single wolf. that would be silly! it was many wolves, over the course of a number of seasons, in conjunction with many other factors. it's not like the wolves set out to change the course of the river, or regulate the riparian habitat of yellowstone, or even manage the local elk population back to healthy levels. wolves were just Doing What They Do! goin about their days! and it terraformed a whole habitat!

i've wanted to write books since i was little. i'm also not very good at writing! i can string sentences together, i can even manage a pleasing turn of phrase or two, but when it comes to the structural elements that make a book enjoyable to read? pacing, plot structure, character motivation? to say nothing of themes? themes? fuck me, i'm terrible at it! but as i've explored a dozen different career options (archaeologist, paralegal, museum historian, etc.) it's the only thing i can see myself doing as a career in the long term. which, when you know you're not good at something, is a discouraging predicament to be in, let me tell you.

and when you tell people that you want to write books, they always jump to the new york times. "got a bestseller in the works, do you?" they ask, with a wide range of tones between earnest-if-blind-approval and asking-your-five-year-old-niece-if-she's-going-to-the-olympics. and like. not everyone can be a bestseller. for starters, there's a whole discussion about marketing and advance capital and the buy-in of the publishing industrial complex and corporate bookstores because let's face it, if you don't have amazon or b&n or both in your corner from the start it's an uphill slog, but there's also just. the reality of large numbers. only a few are going to hit that list. and that's okay.

as a public historian, you learn to think about the physical reality of archives. certain things get saved. others do not. whether that's because of conscious choices or limited space or the inherent frailty of material objects in the face of time (and don't think digital archives are immune from this, either), archives are more likely than not incomplete. this is especially true of historical publishing, particularly for genre fiction or niche audiences. old comic books get so expensive because they were, in some measure, disposable. same thing with pulp fiction and dime novels and penny dreadfuls and whatever the tiktoks of their day were called for the past three hundred years. even the Highest of Literature of a given era can vanish from view for a myriad of reasons. but behind each and every work that survived, and every work that didn't, there was a person who made that. multiple people, even - someone wrote the script and someone drew and inked the panels and someone colored the panels and a whole host of people brought that 10 cent comic book to a newsstand near your great-uncle Mike's childhood home. someone wrote the novel and someone set the type and someone bound the book that you found in one of those gloriously junky antique shops, tucked between a Better Homes and Gardens cookbook and the fifteenth Nancy Drew #14 that you've seen that day.

there's an inherent drive under capitalism that a company has to beat out the competition at whatever it does, to get in front of the consumer more than anyone else to the point where you have to buy whatever they're selling. and i'm not saying that as creators, marketing is bad. if you don't tell anyone about your stuff, they're never going to read it, and we do, ultimately, create art for the consumption of others just as much as for ourselves. we want people to comment on our fanfics, to keysmash in the tags of the art we post, to compliment the sweater we spent months knitting. we want someone to put our art on the fridge and say it's pretty. that's one of those silly things that makes us human.

but for me? i've found some comfort in the idea that wolves don't have a bestseller list. (see, there's the metaphor.) wolves don't have academy awards for the best elk takedown. they just do what they do, because it's a biological imperative. you don't have to write The Best Sci-Fi Novel Ever. you don't have to painstakingly hand-animate The Best Short Film Every Produced. the things you make can just be things. do your best, sure, but out of respect for yourself and your art form, not out of fear or envy of someone else's work.

i grew up with a saying in fan spaces that boiled down to "two cakes," referencing a cartoon where someone brought a cake to a buffet and found that someone had already brought a more elaborately decorated cake. the second panel is of a different person, looking with delight at the buffet, exclaiming, "holy shit! two cakes!" your work of art doesn't need to be so breathtakingly original and different and exquisitely crafted that it's impossible to create. (caveat: obviously, don't plagiarize someone else's work. it's rude, and you're cheating yourself out of the opportunity to make your own art.) but it's okay to just contribute to the ecosystem. not everything has to be the next Pride and Prejudice, or the next Legend of Zelda. make something that you enjoy, that speaks to the person you are now, in this moment, and share that with people.

your ecosystem will be better for you being there.

[litttlestars]

hi, i've been following for a while and i was reading your recent posts on what happened between you and someone else. first, sorry to hear you had to deal with that (you don't deserve it at all)! second, i'm also going through a similar situation, and i was hoping you could tell me what you think about it? tl;dr i've liked this person for a while and they feel the same, but they don't want to commit to anything yet. they said they want to talk more with me and told me they care about how i feel and making me happy, but recently they've been really distant and i'm not really sure why. i've tried talking about it with them but communicating with them is difficult since i usually get left on read often or don't get a response until later. just recently i asked if i could talk to them about something important regarding us. they gave me permission to, i told them about it, and i got left on read again; only to wake up in the morning and find them playing games with their friends. i still don't know their side of things but i feel really hurt, esp after they said they wanted to communicate more with me. but i also feel guilty about feeling hurt by this in the first place, and feel like i should continue to be more understanding about this. what do you think i should do?

im so sorry about that lovely, first of all i just wanna say your feelings are TOTALLY VALID and it's rly hurtful to have someone not put in the same effort of mending the relationship as you do. you should not feel guilty for being hurt bc it's a completely normal and natural reaction to being brushed off. plspls honor your emotions love bc they are important, you are not terrible for recognizing that you are hurt and telling someone how they hurt you. you have every right to feel how you feel.

im not sure if im good at giving advice so def take what i say with a grain of salt and think about how YOU would like to go abt things as well!!

from what you've told me i feel like you've been plenty understanding. just because someone doesnt want to commit, doesnt mean they're allowed to shed all human decency and decide when and how they want to communicate with you, esp when they said that they want to make you happy and keep talking to you. im firmly against the idea that we dont owe people anything- we do. especially if they explicitly said they wanted to keep talking and that they cared about you. if they like you and care about how you feel then i feel like they should at least try a little harder to communicate even if they're not so good at it ? you deserve someone who respects and reciprocates your time and effort, even if they're a little hesitant about getting into smt more serious. all you're doing is asking to talk, and that's the bare minimum. maybe they need time to think over their response so i suppose i'd give it a few days but if they dont reach out after a few days i'd def pop in and say something abt how them leaving you on seen made you feel and how you're viewing the situation as of rn and that you care abt this relationship and this person so talking things over is rly important to you! i would avoid any sort of accusatory statements and moreso focus on how you're feeling and how you would like to move forward bc i suppose you never know what someone is feeling or thinking. it's hard to find a healthy balance between being understanding but also honoring yourself, but i believe in you!! :') you seem like an amazing person and you don't deserve to be strung along.

tl;dr DONT FEEL GUILTY FOR FEELING HURT!!!! share how you feel, your perspective, and remember that relationships require effort from both sides! if you find yourself unable to get anywhere with this person, it's not worth it. you can't force someone to talk to you which is tough, but there are plenty of other people out there who DO actually care about you and they will put in the effort to actively show you so that you're not left questioning in the dark or always waiting on them.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

hey, different anon here but i'm pretty sure taika is referring specifically to the lack of homophobia in the pirate world in ofmd, not the whole universe. it's unclear in that quote but he's phrased it a bit better in other interviews lol.

i mean like, even if that's the case, he's still wrong?? we spend the majority of the show with stede and his crew, where the rules are different, but we're given clues that the general pirate world isn't as welcoming and accepting as the Revenge. i doubt any pirate's gonna bat an eye if two crewmates decide to bump uglies in the hold or whatever, but the general pirate world of ofmd doesn't seem like the place where queer people can fully express themselves and their love openly and without shame. and i draw this conclusion based on three characters in the show: hornigold, calico jack, and izzy. while these three characters obviously are not on the same level as blackbeard, we're meant to see them as "real pirates" at a certain level above where stede and the rest of the crew. which is why i'm inclined to look to them as examples of how the pirate world operates

i literally made a post abt this the other day but hornigold, a mysterious figure from ed's past, comes up a lot in fandom despite only being brought up in one conversation. and that conversation literally begins with calico jack sitting down at stede's breakfast table and saying, "Just for the two of you, huh? Hornigold'd shit himself." like, a private breakfast for two men is pretty gay, and i literally can't think of a positive way to interpret that line. obviously we don't know a whole lot abt hornigold, but a man described as "such a fucking dick" who used to beat his crew members down probably wouldn't see a fancy spread of food set out for two close male friends to enjoy and be like, "yes, this is good and fine and im okay with this"

calico jack is fun bc he's literally gay, but his brand of homophobia isn't so much about "two men having sex is gross" as it is "two men being in a healthy and loving relationship is lame and pathetic and weak." he also insults stede's masculinity by calling him a girl, which is literally one of the oldest homophobic lines in the book.

and then izzy. i genuinely dont understand why this is such a topic of debate and im gonna give a short version here, but izzy upholds a specific ideal of masculinity that is very much in line with the gender roles of white colonial society: no expressing genuine emotion except through anger and/or violence, no dressing or behaving "femininely" (the definition of which is also decided by white colonial society), no expressing weakness of any kind. when it comes to ed and stede, there's more to izzy's actions than just homophobia, but literally why does he treat lucius the way he does. what is the reason. wee john is sleeping on the job but he doesn't give him shit. pete was also fucking in the store room but izzy doesn't harass him all day. his whole fucking "daddy" scene was like, a direct insight into how he views gay relationships and gay sex. this freak homophobic!!! goddamn!!!!

anyway yeah stede's ship is an exception. the general pirate world in ofmd might not give a shit who you sleep with, but the standards of masculinity are still antithetical to open and healthy expressions of queer experiences

[subskz]

abt the bl reading drumroll pls for my unwanted opinion

a lot of afab/women presenting people deserve to read some form of media that has healthy power dynamics yk aka where women aren't put down either sexually emotionally etc etc

yk the whole tropes like m! boss x f! secretary or whatever always have these weird power dynamics bc of like idk societal standing? and when it becomes m! boss x m! secretary it suddenly becomes like.... less worse? bc they're both men and therefore like on equal footing based on like... social standing once again even if one is a secretary bc let's b real men get taken more seriously everywhere

I don't think reading or enjoying or idk seeking out bl/gl whatever is necessarily fetishization even if you get off on it, it becomes weird when you go out in real like and be like "look at those best friends I'm sure they have sinful gay sex" AND IT'S LIKE... sorry???? especially the sinful like..... or men being like "lesbian porn is hot" but not taking actual lesbians seriously in a romantic sense (a lot of men think women kissing is hot but don't think it could ever lead to anything because in their subconcious they don't take wlw attraction seriously which is also a problem)

and bl is a good way for a lot of women to explore different dynamics than what they're seeing in media and to get away from like typical hetero media (and let's be real femdom content is so sparse and usually not done very well or healthy)

so tldr: it's not fetishization unless it becomes a weird obsession and bleeds over to real life encounters yes yes source: I'm always right any my word is the law

our local genius has entered the chat 🙏

thank you for adding your thoughts as always you put it into words so well and you also brought up another really important point! there’s a lot of differences in how males and females experience and express sexuality bc of things like socialization and how they’re traditionally depicted in sexual settings which unfortunately both play a big role in it. gay men and women are also fetishized in different ways, where women’s attraction to each other is viewed as just another form of objectification for men’s pleasure like you said. i think it makes sense that as a result they would look for other forms of media to enjoy without having to worry abt seeing women be demeaned or degraded