#now it's 5 am and I started it in 6 pm I need some sleep

[buttercupshands]

I honestly can't believe it took me 7 years

[writing-whump]

Sensory overload

☕️-anon wished to see how Hector and Arnie were doing in the meantime, so here we go. A bit of Arnie and Hector plus Olive and some emeto.

Arnie found Hector glaring at his phone on the couch at 7 pm.

"I don't think you can make it bend to your will that way," Arnie said as he rubbed at his eyes.

Since Sunday he had trouble sleeping for some reason, waking up at 5 or 6 am although he was never a morning person. He would turn in bed for two hours, trying to get himself back to sleep, but to no avail. It left him tired and grumpy, cause he wanted to sleep but couldn't.

To compensate, he took frequent naps during the day, like the one he just woke up from. Probably worsening the problem by not being tired enough to sleep through the next morning again.

Hector grumbled something, leaning back with his coffee only for his eyes to return to the phone screen 10 seconds later.

"Who's not answering?"

Hector scoffed, like the name wasn't worth saying out loud. Arnie kept quiet and watched him until his older brother finally caved. "Isaiah."

"Oh? It's so rare for you to message him." Arnie sat down behind the table, still disoriented from sleep.

"Yeah. And just when I do he ignores me. Isn't it weird?"

"I told you he planned some special anniversary thing with Seline on Saturday. That's why we weren't meeting. And then she likely stayed over so he had his hands full over the weekend."

"It's Tuesday," Hector protested.

"It's summer break," Arnie reminded. "More busy with free time with his pack and stuff."

"That's why I..." Hector turned his head away to scowl at the twilight behind the window.

"What was that?" Arnie gave up on the table and went to sit down next to Hector instead, grabbing his untouched coffee from his hand. "Look, you have been super busy during the holidays. You work 25 hours from 24 each day or train or claim some new territories you don't need. Isaiah can't be waiting around for you to make time for him."

Arnie didn't mean himself at all when he said it. He felt more than a little neglected by Hector's constant 'work' excuses. It was his last holiday before starting university and Hector was nowhere to be found.

Hector growled at the cup being taken out of his hand but said nothing. "That's why I wanted...never mind."

Arnie took a sip and grimaced at the taste. No sugar. "Wanted what?"

Hector bared his teeth at no one in particular. "I thought we could plan a trip, okay?! Just the three of us. I'm fed up with the city, so I thought we could do mountain climbing or some shit in nature. And when I suggest it, he doesn't respond. Asshole."

Arnie sighed. "That's really nice, Hex. I'm sure he will like it once he sees it." The younger blond leaned back on the couch. "You know how Isaiah is with the phone detox thing. He likes to take breaks from screens and being available."

"It's the girl," Hector spit out angrily. "Just when we get him back he has to have a girlfriend and a new pack to piss me off."

Arnie rolled his eyes. "We are not losing him to Seline, come on."

"Women always destroy families. Especially brothers. And wolves."

"I'm sorry, how many experiences do you have with that?" Arnie said with a snort.

"Oh, not you too!" Hector crossed his arms on his chest, sliding farther away from him on the couch.

Arnie chuckled. Delaney and Hector's other closest wolves have been bringing it up from time to time now. That Hector should be looking for a partner soon, ideally a witch to cement his position as branch leader.

Everyone knew wolves couldn't rule alone. Stability came from relationships, from functioning compatibility. A leader should have a witch to lead with, to offer to the pack, to bring them all together.

Hector, who had zero interest in dating since Arnie could remember, saw this part as particularly annoying.

"So. You gonna be in this splendid mood for the rest of the evening or we putting on something on Netflix?" Arnie yawned, putting the coffee away.

Hector got up, pacing the living room. "Can't sit still. I'll go for a run."

"You gonna leave me here alone?" Arnie pouted. Free evening and Hector was gonna spend it away again?

"You can join me," Hector said with a knowing smirk.

Arnie groaned. Hector knew he was not very keen on exercise. Being around a superhuman you could never hope to keep up and who would never let you win even knowing this was rather demotivating.

"I thought so. Enjoy wasting your life on useless Netflix shit, I'm leaving."

Arnie huffed and slid down on the sofa into a more comfortable position. Agitated Hector needed the exercise to keep his shadow calm. It was for the best.

...........

If you looked for a piece of quite in a crowded city such as Vienna, school grounds were the safest bet during summer.

It was tiring for wolves to be this surrounded by humans, noise and scenes all the time. Hector felt like the proximity of the buildings got only smaller, squeezing the air out of him.

He needed open space. Nature. Something green with a free view of the sky and the horizon.

Hector ended up back at the university campus at the bench near the ditch he found Matthew passed out not that long ago.

Of course he wanted the campus for himself now. He spend so much of his time there because of the uni that it felt like a base to him.

It was surprisingly lively on the way to the Messe, lights and people coming and going like fireflies drawn to light of the giant exhibition building. None went through the dark space around the bench though, for which Hector was grateful.

Not until his name suddenly echoed through the whole park.

Olive pushed her way through the crowd, which was quite an achievement since she was so small. "Hector! I didn't expect to see you here!"

Hector shrugged. "Just passing by." It always fascinated him how happy Olive seemed whenever she saw him. Her whole face lit up, her smoky gray eyes so big like a doe's.

"Oh." She stopped at the bunch, a cute little pout to her mouth. "So you are not coming to the expo?" When he looked perplexed, she continued, "Illusion and light play exhibition! It's just here for a few weeks."

Ah. That explained the liveliness.

Olive shuffled her feet. She wore a white button-up that hugged her slightly chubby figure, an orange-red necktie, short black hair hidden under a red beanie, and bright red shoes. Hector internally shook his head. Artists had the weirdest tastes.

"Would you...like to come too? I have been there several times, I know the best parts!"

She got excited so easily about the smallest things. If an exhibition or a nice sunset or a collection of crayons could make him so happy...then again, why not? He was not managing to stop thinking about Isaiah's unread messages and he could use a break from thoughts about his duties and goals before they started turning in circles too much.

"Whatever." He got up to his feet, which made Olive almost bounce on her feet.

"You are going to love it!" She actually grabbed his arm, dragging him forward.

Hector blinked at the contact. He wasn't sure how he felt about her being so comfortable touching him. On some level, he suspected she didn't realize he was a wolf or who he was in that world, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her. It was amusing how relaxed she was, how she treated him with such friendliness. Was that normal with girls around guys?

Besides, it made him feel all smug he managed to throw people off his scent as a wolf. Managing this degree of control to not be recognized by the energy and danger wolves emitted or the thickness and reactiveness of their shadows was a point of pride for civilized wolves.

As they got inside and he automatically paid the ridiculously small tickets for them both, he wondered if there wasn't something else. Hector liked who he was. He was proud of who he was, and he never pretended to be anything else.

He was the Executioner's younger brother. He was Vincent Wolfson's son. He was the pack leader's nephew and chosen branch leader in a city as big as Vienna, in the heart of Western and Eastern Europe. Destined to achieve something big, to take over one day. That was his aim—he wasn't secretive about it.

But with Olive he was...just a guy. A stuck-up economy student who could be too blunt at times, but that she, for some reason, found amusing.

The exhibition's theme was the universe. There were seperate rooms projecting different light plays, from infinite space to exploding suns, kinetic installations, Milky ways changing colours, labyrinths of mirrors and light sculuptures.

Olive kept dragging him around, showing him her favorite pieces and projections, flooding him with background information and cool facts he didn't have the vocabulary to understand.

His eyes were beginning to hurt. The constant onslaught of lights that were actually everything but regular, the flashing patterns and ever-changing chaotic rooms...there were no points of reference. And worse, there were so many people—smashed together in an even tighter space, like a city, but smaller.

Hector felt a dull, throbbing headache building behind his temples. It reminded him of the subway, but worse. The lights were too much, the noise was too much. The rooms were spinning and turning, blending together and then spitting him out in confusing directions.

His stomach felt unsettled, waves of queasiness coming and going. Sweat was forming on his upper lip and at the back of his neck.

"O-Olive..." he blinked and screwed his eyes shut, stopping where he was, reaching with his hand in search of something solid. A wall or a door, something that wasn't moving.

"Hector? Hey, wait, what's wrong?"

"G-..." he gulped, his stomach feeling impossibly heavy. Heat went to his face and chest, intensifying the nausea. He gagged, slapping his hand against his mouth. "Get me out-"

He couldn't see in the confusion, the hall was too dark to contrast the effect of the rooms.

"Okay, just a second." A small hand closed around his. Hector squeezed it, maybe too tightly in his disorientation, mouth overflowing with saliva. Damn, he needed to sit down. The claustrophobic feeling was back and he gagged again, splash of acid against his throat.

Her small hand and trace of scent led the way and he let her, the only familiar focus point in the chaos of people and lights hurting his eyes. He crashed against the door on the way and cursed, but the pain of something solid against his side was a relief.

"Just a couple of steps," Olive said, tugging at his arm. "Almost there, I promise."

Hector unglued himself from the door with great difficulty, one more door coming up, when finally, finally he was hit with a wall of fresh air.

He gulped down on the semi-clean night wind greedily, panting to breathe against the nauseating sensation. Almost winning the round, if his stomach didn't cramp that moment and he groaned.

"Okay, okay, let's sit you down, okay?" Both of Olive's hands were wrapped around his arm, using all her weight and strength to steer him to the side of the entrance.

He couldn't tell where the bench was or where they were going. The ground was tilting again, all wrong and his knees buckled, sending him to the ground. Olive didn't let go, going down with him.

"I guess not. Okay, let's stay here, it's fine-"

Hector gagged, the world going deaf for a second and then retched as his dinner came out with a splash against the yellowed grass. At least it wasn't the pavement, that would have splattered more.

Olive was still under his arm, pressed into his side. Her hand snaked around his shoulders, tapping gently. "Feel better?" Her eyes were so wide again, glittering with concern.

"Sorry," he rasped. His body heaved with another retch but he fought it down. "Don't know what-"

"The lights. I'm sorry, I didn't know. The movement and lights can be overwhelming for more sensitive people-"

Hector scoffed, rocking up and down in attempt to catch his bearings. Why was he always throwing up around this girl? "I'm not sensitive."

"I didn't mean it like that," she said sharply, indignant now. "I mean, prone to motion sickness or with senses like shadow wolves. You can't say they are sensitive, can you? But there is even a warning at the entrance that it isn't good for them, cause there is a higher risk of sensory overload."

"Ah. That makes sense, then." He let himself fall back to sit on the ground properly, spreading his hands out. The world was still spinning, but it was slowing down a little.

Olive let go of him, kneeling at his side. "Huh?"

"I'm a shadow wolf too, Olive." Hector focused his eyes on her, wary of her reaction. "You really had no idea."

Her mouth made a little o, looking even more winded than he was. "Oh wow."

Hector cleared his throat. "So what? Scared of me now?" He shifted away. Normally, he enjoyed people being wary of him, of respecting his power, but the idea of Olive being scared of him wasn't appealing at all.

Maybe that was also one of the reasons he was in no hurry to correct her.

A flush crept up her face. "No, I'm not! I'm..."

"I wasn't hiding it, you know?"

"Right. The turf talk, and the people always behind your back. And how sick you felt at the subway...I just didn't...I never spoke to a wolf before. What does that- what does that mean now?" She covered her mouth with both hands. "Does that mean I was breaking all the rules of interaction? I'm sorry, I didn't know-"

Hector chuckled dryly, which turned into a cough and into another small gag. "Damn it."

Olive lifted herself up on her knees, gripping his shoulder. "You still feeling icky?"

Icky? What kind of word was that? He felt comforted by her unconscious touch though. On some level, he still didn't feel like a wolf to her. "Nah, almost good." He closed his eyes for a second, breathing through the sudden heat wave, letting out a loud burp against his hand before letting it fall to his side again.

"What does that mean for me?" Olive asked in a small voice. "You are not going to kidnap me or eat me or something, right?"

Hector had to laugh again. "No. That's not in our rules either." He looked at her hand on his biceps, realizing for the umpteenth time he didn't mind her touch as much as he should have. Not at all. Somehow she had touched herself into his shadow's graces and sense of space. "You don't have to follow any rules. Not with me. I'm too high up to mind," he reassured her.

She ducked her head, and when he tried to straighten up to catch her eye, he lost his balance and flopped right onto his back.

"Oh, so high up," she said with an involuntary giggle, leaning over him. "You okay?" Her hand climbed higher on his arm all the way to the top of his shoulder. "You are so sweaty."

"And dizzy," he admitted with a grimace. His arm shot up to grab onto her hand that was touching him. "A little warning, Olive. Wolves tend to think anything they are touching is theirs. You keep doing that," his eyes rose slowly over her arm to her body, "and I might forget how to let go."

Olive blushed even more, her round cheeks furiously red. Oh, he could get used to that expression.

Part 2

[minki-moo]

♡‧₊˚ 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙥𝙩. 2 ♡‧₊˚

pairing ♡ mingi x f!reader rating ♡ e for explicit tags ♡ office au, boyfriend!mingi, long distance, petnames (mingi calls reader baby, pookie, slut), smut, phone sex, toys, f!masturbation, m!masturbation w/c ♡ 1.9 k pt. 1

a/n ♡ here's part 2! this is loosly based off of that one mingi post (the one with the suit iykyk ;) )

mingi, wearing a gorgeous pant suit, pins you against a wall. staring at you, he says nothing as he leans in closer, kissing you ever so gently. you kiss him back, slowly adding more pressure against mingi’s lips as you feel his hands slowly move towards your chest. a silent moan escapes your lips as he takes your clothed nipples in between his fingers, pinching them ever so slightly. 

the kiss started to get more heated as mingi parts his lips and licks your bottom lip, asking for entry. you comply, letting his tongue explore your mouth in ways that make you weak in the knees. in an attempt to keep yourself upright, you put your left arm around his neck. with your other hand, you reach down in between mingi’s legs, trying to find his growing bulge.

a sudden vibration jolts you out of your sleep. you grab your phone and look at the time. 6:20 am, a few minutes before your alarm is set to go off. deciding to get up early, you roll out of bed and wash up for the day ahead.turning on the shower, you sink down to your knees, pulling your hair in embarrassment as you recollect the mess of a dream you had the night before. making sure the water is as cold as you can handle, you stand under it for a few minutes, trying to calm down the ache in between your legs.

after drying your hair and getting dressed for the long day ahead, you check your texts.

minki <3: gm pookie <3

minki <3: hows my lil ray of sunshine?

minki <3: i miss uuuuuuu

minki <3: pls dont ignore meeeeee </3

minki <3: im sowwy for falling asleep last night

you feel your heart skip a beat when he mentions last night, but you regain your composure quickly as you answer.

you: gm mingi! 

you: im getting ready for work now

you: i miss u too &lt;3

after sending the last message, you pack up your things and head out the door, your head still full of thoughts that can only be described as scandalous.

it’s friday, meaning there's a slight buzz in your workplace. everyone is ready to leave, either to head home and sleep through the weekend, or to party like there is no tomorrow. 

but for you it means something even more special: your first video call with mingi.

when he first left, mingi promised that he would free up his fridays and weekends for video calls, since 5 minute calls every day just wouldn’t cut it for the new couple. so, just until you two could be together again, a video call would have to do. 

time seemed to move so slowly as you worked aimlessly, your foot tapping in anticipation for what was to come.then finally, 5 pm hit, and you could not have left any faster than you did. 

on the way home, you pass a store that has always intrigued you, and after slight hesitation, you walk in, overwhelmed by the products, but sure of what you were looking for.

after a long shower, you put on a long sweater and shorts, wanting to be comfy for your impending call with mingi. he was supposed to call you at 8 pm your time, and it was 7:30, so you had some time to open your latest purchase: a 5” long purple vibrator and some lube

your boyfriend was miles away and at this point, your other methods weren’t cutting it anymore.

you needed more.

after opening the packaging and reading the instructions, you put in the batteries, and lean on the headboard of your bed, shorts now pulled down to your ankles. you start by touching yourself slowly, thinking about all the thoughts that have been plaguing your mind the past few days. you remember the soft moans coming from the phone, the ones that made you so, so needy beyond comprehension. 

slowly building up your arousal, you stop touching yourself to open the bottle of lube and pour some on the vibrator. spreading a good amount over its length, you put the vibrator in between your legs, and turn on its lowest setting. you jolt a little, a small moan escaping your lips as the new sensation rocks your body.

the more time you spend using the device, the more you increase the settings, and the more pleasure you feel. how were you so ignorant to this pleasure before? your moans get louder and more frequent as you feel yourself getting closer to your climax. twisting your body, overwhelmed by the waves of pleasure, your body longing for release. you start to crave something more. you needed mingi. you needed him to touch you, to call you pretty, to make you feel good. you needed him to use you, and make him yours. all this fantasising tips you over the edge, as you call out mingi’s name over and over again as your orgasm crashes over you like a wave.

reality sets in as you realise what just happened. cumming to the thought of your boyfriend was not something you expected to do.

and in almost comedic timing, mingi decides to call you.

still experiencing the after shock of the most intense climax you’ve ever had. you scramble to clean yourself up, pulling your shorts back up and wiping up the sweat that had gathered on your face.

taking a deep breath, you answer the phone, feeling your heart tighten as the smiling face of your boyfriend pops up on your screen.

“why did you take so long to answer?’, he exclaims, sounding slightly disappointed but still sporting his signature smile.

he’s sitting in an armchair, his white shirt unbuttoned on top, revealing a tasteful amount of skin. the rolled up sleeves have his veiny arms on full display.

god, your boyfriend is so sexy 

moving your damp hair away from your face, you smile.

“i was just busy. i didn't expect you to call so early”.

mingi squints his eyes. “you were busy? doing what? you look really sweaty and i know you don't work out”.

you give him a look of mock offence. 

“i-i can work out, you know”.

“mmhmm”. he gives you a sceptical look. “of course you can. but seriously, what were you doing?”

“nothing. seriously. it's not important”.

mingi still wasn't buying it. he knows you tell him every little thing, even if it seemed small and insignificant; you loved talking and he loved listening.

“what, is it so embarrassing that you can't tell me”, he asks, smirking a bit.

your face starts to heat up, still thinking about the orgasm you had earlier thinking about him.

“n-no!”

“oh really? then why do you seem so flustered?”.

“i’m not!”.

his coy smile starts to annoy you. god, why does he know you so well?

“aww, come on, it's not like you were, i don't know, touching yourself or anything”.

the silence after his statement is almost deafening.

mingi’s eyes narrow. “you weren't touching yourself, right?”.

even more silence. you don't dare to speak as your embarrassment takes away your ability to defend yourself.

“show me”.

your head shoots up, looking at your phone screen in shock.

“w-what do you mean ‘show you’?”.

mingi leans back, crossing his arms and smirks at you.

“i want to see you make yourself cum”.

those words alone were enough to make you shudder in arousal. this new side to mingi was a welcome yet surprising development. you loved the way he looked at you, as if your neediness amused him.

“well, are you going to show me, baby?”

once again, his words made you shudder as you nod your head slowly.

“i can't hear you. use your words, doll. can you touch yourself for me?”

if you weren't ready to die of embarrassment before, you are now. you manage to take a deep breath and mutter a small “yes”, which seems to satisfy mingi.

“go ahead, baby, i'm watching”.

slowly removing your shorts, you realise you had forgotten to put your panties back on. mingi also seemed to notice this, as he let out a long whistle.

“fuck, that’s so hot.”

you sudder again, not from his words but from the air that hits you in between your legs, the wetness from your earlier “fun” still very much present. mingi’s eyes glistened, and an expression you've never seen on his face came to light.

hunger.

your sweet, gentlemanly, goofy mingi had become someone you had never seen before. some who, if he could at that moment, would take you and make you his in an instant.

the thought of him rushing home, striping you and fucking you sensless makes you even more aroused than you were before.

taking a deep breath, you start touching yourself, slowly caressing yourself the way you were before. your poor clit still throbbing from earlier was extra sensitive, making you whimper.

looking up at your phone, you see mingi staring at you with his hungry gaze, palming his growing bulge. seeing him so turned on by you makes you shudder, as you slowly get closer to release.

“m-mingi, i-”

“are you close baby?”.

you quickly nod, as your fingers move faster on your swollen clit.

“such a good girl. making yourself cum for me. my cute slut”.

another shiver wracks your body at the nickname. you didn't know why such dirty words affected you the way they did, but at that moment you didn't care. all you cared about was cumming for mingi, making him watch what a few words from him could do to you.

“baby? can you do something for me?”, mingi asks as he continues to rub his cock, now free from his pants but still clothed in his underwear 

“nng, y-yes?”.

“can you finger yourself for me?”.

you pause, your mind still foggy from chasing your orgasm. did he just ask you to finger yourself? you, who could barely buy a vibrator?

at this moment, however, you didn't care. you wanted to listen to mingi. you wanted to obey him, to cum for him. so, cautiously pushing one finger inside your needy pussy, you slowly start to move it in and out, feeling nothing at first. 

you hear a groan come from mingi, as he stares at you pleasuring yourself. keeping his eyes on you, he pulled his now fully hard cock out of his underwear. 

oh, he's big.

you watch as he starts slowly stroking his cock, using his thumb to catch the precum that had started gathering. if you could get more aroused, you definitely did. you made mingi like this. you turned him on to the point where he had to relieve himself, in front of you no less.

watching this scene unfold in front of you, you quickly pick up the pace, fucking yourself with your finger while using your other hand to play with your clit. your moans became more laboured as you grew close to your orgasm again.

“m-mingi i-i’m gonna-”.

“cum for me”, he pants, stroking faster as he chases his release. “cum for me princess, please”.

those words were enough to tip you over the edge, cumming all over your fingers as you scream his name. after coming down from your high, you look at mingi, his flushed face and panting making you feel slight horny again. seeing your boyfriend like this made you feel so satisfied.

without thinking, you say in a small voice, “i miss you.”

mingi looks at you and gives you a small smile.

“i miss you too, beautiful”.

[lauratheghost]

My trip to Montreal

& the Sleep Token show

(long post below)

The Trip:

I went with my sister, who did the driving. The drive there was awesome. We left at 5:30 a.m. and there was no traffic at all. The border took five minutes. We laughed at the "warning Canada ahead" sign (that was like five feet in front of the border 😂)

It was like an hour of driving through massive farms before we reached the city? Idk why but I didn't expect the farms.

Driving in Montreal was another story. It was terrifying 😭 I have car anxiety in general but it was so stressful. It made traffic in Boston not seem so bad. The way the lanes were marked was confusing to us, and some of the signs were also confusing. We hit a speed bump going crazy fast because we had no idea what the sign meant and the actual bump on the ground wasn't yellow (now it seems obvious though, ok 🤷🏼‍♀️😂) and the buses drive crazy fast and one cut us off and almost hit us.

Our phones didn't work as soon as we crossed the border. We tried to add a global package to our plans but it still didn't work. This was only a major problem because we needed GPS. If we missed a turn we would have to find a Harvey's or Starbucks or something to get their wifi and reroute. It took us a long time to get to Laval 😂

Once we got to the hotel we parked the car and didn't use it again until we left. But we took taxis and that was cool! I don't think I've ever taken a taxi before and the drivers were really nice.

We loved our hotel and we could see Place Bell from our window. The area was so nice, and very clean for a city. It feels like Laval is an up-and-coming city because of all the construction we saw, and our hotel was also new apparently.

Everything was so cheap? The lattes I bought were like $6 CAD so $4.40 USD. In my hometown, lattes are double that. All the food and snacks were such a good deal. I stopped obsessively checking my bank account after a while because everything seemed so inexpensive 😂 (Also, I'm a cheap person so this is saying something lol)

It was more of a culture shock than I expected. I knew it was going to be a lot of French but I guess I didn't grasp the reality of that until I was there. Thank God I took french in high school. I could not really hold a conversation, but I could read some signs and menus and kind've get the jist of what people were saying to me.

Everyone was so kind and helpful. We asked a lot of strangers questions and they were all very nice. I only had two small experiences with rude people (and I laughed about it)

Crosswalks were also a bit scary lol. It was weird that some cars still go when the crosswalk button goes off. In my area, all directions of traffic stop while people cross.

My hotel was 50 % people with Sleep Token shirts and 50 % hockey players 😂

We LOVE Tim Hortons 😍 Their iced mocha latte was amazing. I wish I had one in my town now.

Three days went by so fast! It felt like one day.

We went to Mount Royal Park, the Cosmodome, the Biosphere, and La Rhonde. I rode the ferris wheel even though I'm scared of heights. I think my heart stopped for a second but the view was beautiful. 😂🥰

Some random things we noticed- nobody really wears jeans or Crocs 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 everyone dresses a bit nicer. And we didn't see any cops besides event security the entire time we were there, which is unheard of in Massachusetts, I see cops drive by twenty times a day everyday probably. There were lilacs everywhere which I loved. So many people biked- it made me want to be more healthy and active. Public transport seemed very available and I'm jealous of that because public transport where I am is trash.

Can you drink in public? Idk, but we saw a guy drinking a twisted tea while casually crossing the road lol.

The Show:

People were lined up starting around 7 pm the night before 👀

At 5:30 a.m. there was maybe ten or fifteen people camped out with tents and everything. I applaud their dedication, but I could never 😭

I kept an eye on the line and once the merch stand opened I went over and bought a shirt beforehand. I got a t-shirt with the tour dates on it 🖤

The line system seemed really unorganized. Nobody knew what line went where. Besides that, getting inside was easy and I liked the venue.

Our seats had a good view, but we were so high up it made me a bit anxious. It was a little hard to see III because of the fog/lights, and Espera was kind've blocked by a light fixture, but I had a great view of IV and II which made me really happy 🥰

ESB's opening set: So, they are not exactly my cup of tea BUT I don't think they deserve the hate they've been getting. My only problem was that the singers scream sounded the same over and over. I wasn't sure if he was saying the same phrase or not, but it made every song sound the same. They did have some good moments though! There was a moment where he screamed lower/more gutteral and I liked that more. There was also a moment where the guitar and instruments sounded really cool but I can't explain it. I was glad to see they had a little mosh pit going too.

Sleep Token was amazing as expected. I'm forever in awe of how good Vessel sounds live. I was so happy I could see II good too, I loved watching his little dances and hand gestures. I saw III do his little swimming motion and he did get a pit! A pretty big one too from what I saw. I didn't expect them to hand out drumsticks and stuff so early, because they didn't play TMBTE or Euclid yet- but they were just doing that fake-out encore thing I guess. 😂

I love the diversity of the fans at their shows- all types of people and all ages and it's so nice to see 🖤 The guy sitting beside me did not look like someone I would expect to listen to Sleep Token, but he was singing every word and recording all the same parts of their songs as me 😂

After the show I got to meet @shatterthefragments !!! It was so great, and they made awesome ST keychains- I will treasure mine forever 🖤

I still haven't really processed any of this yet because after the show I was constantly busy- between packing up and doing the few last things we wanted to do in the city, and then driving five hours back home. There's videos and pictures from this weekend that I haven't even looked at yet. I will definitely post some videos or photos here soon though

Overall, I give this trip a 9/10

I'm so glad I impulsively bought tickets and got my passport renewed. It was so fun and it makes me wanna travel more in the future. 🖤

[auracamon]

Embracing a New Morning Routine: How I’m Adjusting and Finding Balance

Lately, I’ve been using Tumblr with so much love, sharing more about my daily routines and thoughts because I just love connecting with people who are going through similar situations all around the world. There’s something so refreshing about being transparent about the highs and lows of studying and life. So today, I wanted to walk you through my morning routine and why I’ve made some recent changes to it. 😊✨

6:00 AM — Yes, I’ve switched to waking up at 6 instead of 5! I initially aimed to wake up at 5:00 AM every day, but let’s be real… I wasn’t getting enough sleep to make it sustainable. As much as I love those early starts, it’s so important to listen to your body, and for me, that means resting properly and finding balance.

Even though waking up at 5 sounds amazing in theory, I’ve realized that quality rest is key to a productive day. Lately, I’ve been going to bed around 11:30 PM, and with the sun setting so late here (around 9:30-10 PM), it’s still tricky to fall asleep any earlier. I’m trusting that when winter comes and it gets dark earlier, I’ll naturally shift to an earlier bedtime. For now, I’m embracing the 6 AM wake-up and feeling way more rested!

I have to say, as someone who really enjoys waking up early, the key is definitely rest. Even though I still wake up feeling a bit sleepy, I believe that once your body gets used to it, everything becomes easier. 💪✨

This morning, I finished cleaning up my room (I always leave clothes, paints, or random stuff lying around during the weekend, and even though I like to clean up on Sundays, I just didn’t have time this week 😅). Then, I went for a walk while listening to a podcast on creative healing — super fascinating, by the way. And now I’m writing this while finishing up my breakfast, ready to dive into study mode!

I actually love Mondays because they feel like a fresh start, and that excites me so much. The idea of starting over, even if the previous week wasn’t as productive, gives me a lot of energy. 💫 So, if you didn’t have a productive week, I encourage you not to beat yourself up about it. Instead, take action this week and give it your all. You got this! 🌟

What’s your favorite part of your morning routine? Or, how do you reset after an unproductive week? I need some tips!!! 💖

[caminotravels]

Sept . 2nd

Ponferrada- Villafranca Del Bierzo. 25km

After a lovely night last night in Ponferrada we had a semi late night. Ended up going to bed around 10 PM which is late for us. But we still got up early this morning and left at 6:30. Took us a long time to get out of city limits we seem to walk on back streets most of the way this morning .

We stopped at 7.5 klm at a little town Fuentes Nuevas . There we had our coffee and orange juice . It has been a lot of road walking today , very flat but still hard on the feet . On a good note my knee is not hurting, so that is so good .

From there we walked another 8 klm through back roads with grape vines . So it was nice to get off the road for while .

We just came into a town Cacabelos. Time for another coffee and cold drink . Rest the feet for a while .

It is getting hot now , and we continue to walk on the side of the road once again . It is a long slow climb uphill. This goes on for sometime , until we take a turn right which takes us along vineyards . This is nice , but lots of ups and down. Plus the weather has become hot and muggy now . We are looking for the next stop for a cold drink, there is supposed to be a bar . Unfortunately there is nothing , though we come across a lady selling cold drinks out of her cellar . It will do us right now as it gives us a break from the heat .

We still walked 20 klm and still have 5 to go . I always find the last five so difficult, as you are tired, your feet start to hurt, and the backpack feels so heavy. You just feel miserable about now and want the day the end .

Finally we make it into town and find our hotel . I am beat, too tired to even shower right now . You have only the energy to lay and relax.

Shower will happen soon . Now I need that bed .

It is time to try and find some food .

We were totally exhausted after we ate , no exploring the town . It is just time to sleep .

[mortallyandrogynoussheep]

wassup, im back with (posting about) trying to get my life back together

i didnt quit the 100 days of struggling, or whatever, i was really just, well, struggling. to be alive, i guess.

yesterday was the peak of me feeling the most unstable over the last week or two, i think it was mostly due to my period being around the corner, so hormones are going crazy and you know the old shenanigan of - you know that your period is coming, when you start feels borderline suicidal and depressed.

ngl, it was scary as hell, because i think it was 40/60 of why i was feeling so down - 40 being the initial struggle, 60 being the fear coming from "i dont want for things to scale back to how they once were". because how they once were is best described the one sinlge word - hell.

anyway, the drama aside, i am now feeling much much better, thankfully, and i have a more positive outlook on life. at least for now.

so, we're missing the days from the 4th of July. insert the eagle scream. i will try to recount them from my memory to the best of my abilities, more so for myself and to keep track of days.

3/100 days of getting my life back together

Friday, July 5, 2024

quite frankly, I don't remember where the day went. i looked around for some notes or whatever else scattered in my place and im not sure what exactly was i doing. the only highlight of that day, was that i finally payed off the first paying for my dentist check and i think that is the most information I have. i think i woke up at 2:30 pm, so that would explain the short day. i remember studying a little bit in the evening and it probably was the software engineering notes, aka SE, since i think i was studying in bed and i do notes for se on my tablet.

4/100 days of getting my life back together

Saturday, July 6, 2024

on this day i met up with my friends for some socialization, i guess. we talked and had some boba. i studied on my way there and back, which came up to about an hour of studying in total. the rest of the day is, again, a mystery to me. maybe i should start keeping a journal to help myself. because i freaking bought one on that day fdskflsd

5/100 days of getting my life back together.

Sunday, July 7, 2024

okay, here i was really happy, because for the first time in weeks i managed to not only wake up at 8 am, but also went to bed somewhere between 22-23 at the clock. granted, i fell asleep an hour later, after i woke up, because i was suddenly hit with a wave of sleepiness and tiredness, but, i guess, one small step at a time. i mean it did fuck up my sleeping schedule for today, because i ended falling asleep somewhere between 2 and 3 am, but we have what we have.

the highlight of yesterday was finally finishing up a job i was postponing for MONTHS, which was printing out all the documents we would need, for my mom to apply for a job. i won't be going into too much details of why and etc, but yeah. at the end of the day i had 8 copies of 4 documents printed out, and was feeling more or less good about it.

at the second 4 copies batch printer decided to start playing games, and first chewed on the paper it was printing, and then i decided to try a new approach to try to speed things up, but it only ended up damaging one of the copies, so i had to redo that. but at the end of the day, the job was done.

i didn't study at all that day, because as i said at the start of this post - this was the day, when my head decided, that it's a great time to go sad-mode.

i also started taking some vitamins that have been laying around for a few months now, because i feel really crappy and i need some help, that maybe they can provide, before i get my eating habbits and everything else back in place. for now i am hoping they could be my crutches.

oh, and also i did some yoga to stretch my body. nothing huge, but i guess it's something good?

6/100 days of getting my life back together

Monday, July 8, 2024

and now we are back to present day. woke up at about 11:30 or so. played a little bit of guitar for the first time since MONTHS, i started learning the scientist, we'll see how it goes. i figured to reward myself, i would put a new fun sticket on it, if i finished learning it.

anyway, it is now 15:35 as i am writing this, i will be now cleaning up a little bit and getting back to studying.

DB 4 (finish up)

SE 4 (finish up)

DB 5

SE 5

[la-principessa-nuova]

I’m definitely on a sort of downward spiral of distractibility and sleep schedule.

My official plan is to sleep 12am-8am and work 9am-5pm.

I was doing so well last year, typically falling asleep somewhere between 11 and 1, and waking up naturally somewhere between 7 and 8.

Then in early December, I had the moment where I understood my gender dysphoria and that I needed to transition, and that night I stayed up until 4 am reading about gender dysphoria and then until 5 am taking notes about it and buying stuff to try out presenting femme.

I never fully recovered from that night.

Eventually, around the time I started therapy, I mostly solved the issue (not because the therapy helped me with it, but more like being in a better place helped me get through finding a therapist finally). I was going to bed like 1-3 am, waking up 8:30-9 on weekdays, 8:30-11 on weekends.

Then I came out to my mom and sister, and there were a few nights after that where they unexpectedly came over with a barrage of questions and “concerns” and every time I’d planned on doing something else and so when they left I just continued on as if they hadn’t been there and stayed up late.

But then I got in the habit again of staying up until after 3am, with most nights not being in bed until 4am and so many nights that i’m up past 5am.

so then i sleep through my 8am alarm and usually wake up to my 9am one, check my email and teams on my phone, and if there’s nothing important, i go back to sleep.

So like right now it’s 12:15pm, and I haven’t gotten out bed to start working yet, aside from a few emails I read and archived in bed. Luckily the nature of my job doesn’t require me to do it on a schedule, aside from if i have meetings or someone asks me something, so I’ve been able to work around it mostly, except the part where I’m soooi tired all the time bc even with sleeping in, i’m only getting like 4-6 hours per night.

And I have an interview today for a job that would require me to get out of bed every morning and be on a call at 9 AM, and I kind of can’t imagine that even though I did it for years with no problem.

But I just keep getting so distracted. Like last night I went upstairs at like 11ish PM. I went up because I had an idea for a comic that I wanted to make, that I’d gotten distracted when I tried to make it earlier, and I sat down thinking I’ll do a quick doodle of it to get the idea out, maybe finish it, and be in bed by 1 AM. Then I got more distracted and ended up not staring drawing until almost 1 AM.

But it’s OK, I told myself, I’ll just doodle the concept really quickly and go to bed. Then I got hyper-focused on drawing, and suddenly it was, no joke, after 5 AM.

When I saw how late it was, I immediately went to bed. But by the time I fell asleep it was after 5:30.

But, like, the less I sleep the easier I get distracted and hyperfocus on the wrong things, and the more I do that, the less I sleep. It’s a vicious cycle.

I have some ideas to try to get myself back on track, but PDA makes it a real struggle to stick to plans that are ultimately about getting me to stop doing what I want and yield my time, since as soon as I go to sleep, my time is over and the next thing I have to do is work again.

[mrsaguapapi]

Ch 1  Ch 2  Ch 3  Ch 4  Ch 5  Ch 6  Ch 7  Ch 8 Ch 9 

Chapter 10

Ocean Breeze

The Vibe: 

Ariana Grande - needy (Audio)

The sounds of the ocean water meeting at the shore brought me to a complete and total zen. My eyes were closed and my breathing matched the moving air; my hair was being pulled away with each gust of wind. My mind, body, and soul were in synch with the surrounding earth breathing as one. It was nice.

"Peaceful here is it not?" I open my eyes and see a woman sitting next to me; she was effortlessly beautiful. I recognized her voice but just couldn't place where.

"Yes, it is." I look away into the ocean, "Why am I here?"

"Why are any of us here hmm?"

"I don't know" I laugh

"Well there's your answer" She laughs

"Am I dreaming?"

"You are" she smiles

"Who are you? I'm certain we haven't met before, but your voice is familiar."

"I am a friend." she smiles "I have spoken to you before"

She's the voice that brought me here.

"You're Namors mother." she nods her head in agreement, "Don't take this the wrong way because I find you very pleasant, but why'd you bring me here?"

"I was just a guide, you brought you here. A very powerful witch; with a lost soul and a broken heart"

"Ouch. I thought we were friends?" I can't help but laugh at her nonchalant remark, "Both true statements, but what does that have to do with me bringing myself here, I don't understand?"

"Lost souls and broken hearts, two of the most potent ingredients to power a spell.. well that, and hatred." She pauses "You called for love; your twin flame"

My twin flame? Is she talking about Namor?

"I didn't cast a spell looking for love. I think I'd remember that."

"Your witch friend didn't remember taking over that town. Grief ways down the soul, you underestimate your power child."

"So I brought myself out here for what? for Namor?"

"Two lost souls, two heavy hearts. Fate has her ways."

I don't know what to say so I just nod my head and look back to the ocean. We sat there in silence just enjoying each other's presence; she had a calming energy about herself that brought me comfort. I start swaying my hand in the sand and sigh, "Suppose I should wake up now. I'll be sure to tell Namor you said hello." I smile and with a blink of an eye, I awake.

Looking around I see I'm on a stretcher in Shuri's lab; the room was silent except for the occasional beeping and buzzing from various machines. I look to my left and see Namor resting his head on the stretcher and holding my hand; I squeeze his hand and brush the side of his face effectively waking him up.

"You're awake," he says.

"I am"

"How are you feeling?"

I slowly sit up, "I'm fine, a little groggy."

Namor stands in front of me pulling me into a hug and rubbing my hair, "Do you feel better?"

"A little. Not as anxious. Is Peter okay?"

"He's fine, I told him I'd stay with you while he got some sleep."

"Griot, what time is it?" I ask Shuri's AI.

"It's a quarter after 11 miss"

Did I sleep that long?

"Thank you, Griot." I look up at Namor, "I've got to go check on Peter, you need to go home too. I'm sure your people miss you."

"I do need to go home. I haven't been away from my people this long in some time, but if you need me, I can stay. Just say the word, I can be easily convinced"

"I'm okay" I chuckle "Seriously go, they need you."

He nods his head, "at least let me walk you back to Peter."

"That can be arranged" I smile at him.

We took the scenic route back and held hands as we walked silently. When we made it to Peter's door Namor hugged me for a long time.

"When will I see you again?" He asks without letting him go

"I'm free Friday after 5 pm. I can meet you at your temple...maybe I can take you back to my place?" I ask.

That should be a good time for me to tell him about his mom

"That sounds perfect Ki'ichpan" He kisses me on the forehead, "I'm afraid if I kiss you the way I want to, I won't leave. So that will have to do for now." I look at him unable to hide my smile. Namor firmly grabs my chin holding me in place, "Behave while I'm gone" He smirks at me and walks away.

I open the door and walk straight to Peter's room. He was laying in bed on top of the covers with a pillow over his head sound asleep. I go to the opposite side of the bed and crawl under the covers beside him. This makes me think of when he and May first took me in, I was too afraid to sleep alone so I rotated sleeping with him and May for the better part of a year.

God, I'm still so tired.

I peek my head under his pillow and whisper to him, "Peter"

"Hmm" he grunts half sleep

"Can I sleep with you?" I ask

"Mhmm. When did you get here? Are okay?" He mumbles out

"I'm fine, we'll talk details in the morning. Let's just sleep." He nods and rolls over falling back asleep; I follow him not that long after.

-------------------------

I filled Peter in on everything in the morning and eventually Shuri before we left. Both had similar reactions, having such scientific minds, it was hard for them to view my ghostly visions as nothing more than dreams, But they trust and support me and my decisions. Ramonda kindly had my mother's books packed up so I can study them at home.

Now back in our apartment, I sit in bed surrounded by my notes and books, reading them one by one and taking in as much information as I can. Most of the books are written in Wakandan, But there is a couple written in what looks like ancient Egyptian Sanskrit for which I'm proficient, but not a master.

Time for reinforcements

I pull out my phone and call my favorite moon boys.

"Hey Millie," Marc answers, "What's up?"

"Heya Marc, not much, I'm actually calling for Steven. I need his brain."

"His brain IS my brain" Marc chuckles

"Can you read ancient Egyptian?"

"No..."

"That's what I thought, put the man on the phone please." I laugh

"Alright, alright," I hear Marc breathe in and exhale, "Hey Millie, how can I help?" It was Steven.

"Hey bunny, got any time possibly tonight or tomorrow for me so I can pop in with some books for you to translate for me?" I ask

"Of course, can we do tonight? We may have made plans with Layla tomorrow"

"Tonight works hows 8 your time?"

"Works for us" Steven happily responds

"Perfect! You need to fill me in later about Layla. Also, can you bring bird daddy? I have a feeling we may need his insight."

"I will as long as you don't call him that, like ever again," Steven says disgusted

"No promises," I laugh "See ya soon, byeeeee" I obnoxiously say and hang up.

One step closer

[novel-nook-blog]

Camp NaNo – week 1

Monday (7/1):

It's 9:30 pm and I finally opened my laptop. Uff, what a long day. Ngl, I'm exhausted. I woke up at 5:30 am to get ready for work. I left at almost 4 pm. Then there was a problem with my car (stressing af) and I had about 20 minutes to get to a meeting in another town so... very nice. The meeting was 'till 6 pm and around 6:30 pm I was finally home. Now let's get to writing.

It's 10 pm and I'm falling asleep as I write so it's time to put my laptop down and get some rest before my work, tomorrow. I haven't written much, but I didn't want to start with a 0 tomorrow.

Wordcount: 326

Tuesday (7/2):

It's 17:40 and I'm opening my second draft. I'm so hyped even though I just got home 😂... maybe I'm even overhyped because an hour ago I had a veeeery strong coffee and I mean wow, it just kicked in and I'm overflown with energy. So my writing is either going to be very good or very bad, we'll see.

On my schedule is: finish chapter 1 (I started it yesterday); start reading The Throne of Glass. I read that book a lot of times already, but it has similar writing style as I'm using in this book and I found out I'm repeating the same words again and again, so I want to use this reread for the benefit of my vocabulary (plus I want to reread the whole series this summer, although I wanted to finish reading Iron Flame first... so complicated, right?)

My plans for the day have escalated quite differently. We had a game night so after about 200 words I stopped writing for several hours and just before I head to bed I wrote up to 752 words. It's still not much, but I can't focus anymore. We'll se how tomorrow's going to be. I was planning to write all day, but I found out we're going to the ZOO. I'm very excited for our little trip, but at the same time I have no idea how the heck I'm going to get the wordcount I need. This challenge is going to be fun.

Wordcount: 752

Wednesday (7/3):

It's 10 pm and I just opened my laptop. This day could be divided into two parts – the awesomest one and the worst stressful nightmare. Me, my mom and my sister went to the trip to the zoo. It was a wonderful day. But after that there was a family matter that we had to solve so I didn't have time for writing...

Wordcount: 0

Today it's Tuesday, 9th of July... I'm so sorry for my delayed post but the thing is I am sick. I have the stomach flu since Saturday, but have been feeling so off most of the week so the last time I've written anything was on Friday and it wasn't much. Hopefully I'm going to be back on track soon but now I'm feeling so bad that the only thing I do is sleep and watch TV.

Also on Thursday I had an 11 hour long shift at work so very tiring day. On Friday my friend had a birthday party so I was with her all day and when I got back I started feeling sick but I didn't think it was something to worry about. On Saturday me and my dad went to visit my aunt and when we got back the stomach flu started in all it's power and hadn't left since.

I'm not sure how I'll get 45k words in my draft by the end of July but now health is my priority. So I'm going to get back when I'm feeling better.

[running-swimming-living]

I had a good day. No introspection or musings. Just what I did today.

I woke up at 6 am to feed the dog. Then I slept till the sun came up. My dog has been sleeping in later and later. He used to be up at 6 am ready to go no matter what. Now he waits till the sun rises before his short walk down the street.

Came back, went swimming. I know I've found my people when I show up to the pool at 7 am on a Sunday morning and it's busy.

When to church. It was about God's love and how his love enables us to love others.

Then I had a good chat with the two friends I've made at church. I remember just months ago feeling like I didn't quite know where I fit in at church. But now I have a grasp of what I need from church and how much involvement I want to have.

Then I went home, had lunch and tried shopping for a bunch of stuff I'd been meaning to get to. I am rearranging my bedroom and looking at some furniture. I need some more lipstick. I'd like to find a more involved makeup routine. I want to buy yarn. I need reflective gear bc I want to try night running at 5 pm.

Then I hung out with my friend from church some more. We got pearl tea and it was really good. It was the best boba I have ever had. I got the rose milk. We went over to Barnes and Nobles to get a bible only for me to discover I didn't know exactly what I wanted. I am going to start a bible study with a friend tomorrow. I'll ask him which bible he is using and what he would recommend. But my church friend and I talked about how the children's books are helpful for beginners like me.

Then I came home and my fam had a birthday dinner for my mom. It was Chinese take out.

That was my bland Sunday. Exercise completed. Feeling more sure than ever.

[blindrapture]

FRIDAY JUNE 10TH, 2011 (Clearly Exaggerated)

2:37 AM Blackpool.

2:51 AM We’ve arrived at the marketplace.

2:52 AM Mistress is sitting atop her makeshift throne. She’s watching me. I don’t see Donnie anywhere. "You're very observant. You can see her after I've seen your journals." ……crap. The Rapture Duck ate my earlier journals. Mistress is coming down from her throne. She's laughing. She snaps her fingers, and puppets arrive holding a rather wet and wrinkly looking book. My journals from Spain. "Is that what you were talking about?" Yes, ma’am. I forgot Mistress can make her puppets do dirty work. And they’re always watching me, watching my every move. Mistress grabbed the journal and is now flicking through it. The light here is rather scarce. There’s a couple barrels nearby with fires in them, but other than that and the moon, there’s not really much light. Mistress looks disturbingly real under this light. Even though she’s just a marionette. She looks like she’s almost human. Almost. "Oh, just look at all this... I'm so pleased! You're such a good pet. 'The White Jester,' I'm impressed, you inspired an epithet! The name suits you." Th.. thank you. "God, all these descriptions of violence are making me horny. You sure know how to win a girl's heart."

3:00 AM She just made out with me. She made sure to do it for longer than last time, and with all the puppets watching. And one more person. She's pointed out Donnie in the crowd. Donnie’s oh my god Donnie’s thin. What the hell have these guys been dYES MA’AM Mistress wants to make sure I know who’s watching for this next bit. …oh god, Mistress, I can’t, no. "You. Me. Right here, right now. I promise I won't give you splinters." I really can't. I just got back, I'm gonna want to unwind... I really appreciate the sentiment, I promise, but I mean I've never even done it bef

6:54 AM Mistress says I’m amazing at that. Mistress says I can get more tomorrow night. Mistress corrected herself. Mistress says I will get more tomorrow night. Mistress wants me to go to bed now. Mistress will let Donnie go with me. Mistress says one last thing. Mistress kissed me on the cheek and said “Welcome home, White Jester.” Mistress is gone now.

8:41 AM It was a slow walk home to what used to be the tropers' house. Donnie looked at me for most of the walk. She looked to be in a lot of pain. And she looked sympathetic. I tried my best to return the look. Donnie’s in the bathroom now. She went straight in upon returning. My body is in a lot of pain. In retrospect, I’m glad I wasn’t allowed to keep writing in my journal for that. It’ll be easier to forget. Donnie’s crying. Donnie’s sobbing. I’m going to go see what I can do. I just.. have to. I owe it to her.

9:11 AM Donnie’s asleep now, next to me. I talked to her. I let her cry on my shoulder. I really feel like I owe her. I have no idea what they’ve done to her while I was gone. She won’t tell me. I respect that; I won’t pry. She just told me that she wished, when she came out of the bathroom, it would all go away. When we got into bed, Donnie started hugging me and still hasn’t stopped. I’ve got my arms free. But I.. god. I need to think of some way out of here. I need to get us both out of here.

5:40 PM Woke up at noon. Can’t remember the nightmare. It had something to do with last night.. and some event with my family. My arms were busy hugging Donnie, so I didn’t write it down. I think that’s for the best. Then I drifted off to sleep again. Donnie’s up now, which is why I am. I didn’t dream a real dream this time. I just heard Mistress’ clearly exaggerated sexual moans over and over again. Does she really enjoy the sex? Can you even call that sex? How would I even know? Can you even call me a good guy anymore? Can you even call me a human anymore?

5:49 PM Donnie and I are going out to look for a meal. Together. .w.

5:54 PM We agreed not to go towards the marketplace. We’re just looking nearby.

6:02 PM Restaurant. Raiding the kitchen.

7:40 PM There was food. Lots. We cooked some meals and sat down at a table for two. We talked. About happy things. I told Donnie about some of the fun I had, the new CDs I got, the SLCEMs, Jordan Versus the Minotaur, and how much I missed her. Donnie told me about a new dress the Mistress got her. It’s pretty. And.. blue. I like blue. We mostly spoke about our old lives, really. I talked about what life was like back when I used to live in America, all my old friends, my old schools, the video games I once played. Donnie talked about her life in Surrey, the evenings she’d spend with her mother, the volunteer work she'd do at Halliford, the days she’d spend out wandering through town for the sake of it… At one point, Donnie grabbed my hands and told me how she really didn’t know if I was gonna make it back or not. She didn’t know if I had it in me to.. kill people just out of no choice. She didn’t even know if she could trust me to come save her. As much as we get along, I haven’t even known her for a month. I told her she was completely right; I’m practically a stranger to her. I told her I completely understood why she’d be so afraid and hopeless. These are tough times. But the important thing is that I’m back. I mean, that is the important thing. ..right?

8:01 PM ..I killed those people. I killed a lot of people in that church. I did. I’ve done horrible things. I can’t imagine how much disgust Donnie must feel. I’m terrible.

11:01 PM ..Donnie gave me a hug. Randomly. Maybe she doesn’t hate me. But I’m still terrible, I am.

11:11 PM I wish I could redeem myself.

11:58 PM Knocking on the door. Checking.

(Attached: "The Harlequin once had a pet cat. She named him Cheese Puff, and he was orange and little. Cheese Puff loved cuddles. The Harlequin would take Cheese Puff to see the seaside, and she'd dream of getting a house on a cliff, waking up every morning to Cheese Puff licking her nose. But this was before he came into her life and made her promise her love. After that, she found Cheese Puff's feet in her backyard, curled up like little.. well, cheese puffs. She never found the rest.")

[PREV LOG] [TABLE OF CONTENTS] [NEXT LOG]

[tmblrfa1ry]

Ok! So I have to make new rules for myself, and I have to lie more often to people because everyone doesn’t know how to mind their own business apparently!?

1. chug one liter of water in the morning before my fast starts for ramadan. I need to realize water is my best friend and she’s what’ll take me where I want to go.

2. OMAD, OMAD, OMAD! I actually don’t know what to break my fast with EXACTLY but I did see this one tiktok so I need that to be my BIBLE and memorize it.

3. No eating out with friends. If my friends want to eat at the cafe or get any other foods around campus, I need to tell them I already at3!

4. Only pu4g3 once a week. I usually don’t pu4g3 but if I do, I need to make it count and do it if I HAVE to.

5. Sleep before 10 pm. I know sleeping is an important part to losing cals and I need to take that more seriously like frl.

6. 10,000 steps MINIMUM! I need to move my body to burn off fat some type of way and walking is an easy way to exercise.

7. Idc if I’ll end up “gaining the weight back” or “ruining my metabolism” but 400-500 cals a day idc. I feel like I am a pretty active person and I can fix my metabolism at my ugw…

I can’t think I of more rules for myself but if I do I’ll add to keep me updated. I have to remember my goals, and I can’t reach them if I continue going the way that I am now <3

[omgkalyppso]

30 Character Questions for Étoile

sourced from here

1. When they tap their fingers do they use the pads of their fingers or their nails?

Their fingers. They would keep their nails too short.

2. What textures can they absolutely not stand?

Fish scales.

3. How long can they go without showering before they feel gross?

If they've experienced combat / got blood on them then 1 day. Otherwise 3-4 days. If Shadowheart has no spell slots for Create Water left in the Underdark, Étoile is inconsolable.

4. Do they leave clothes on the floor or a chair?

On a chair. Definitely would ascribe to the ideology that some clothing can be reworn.

5. Do they sleep with the bedroom door open or closed?

Closed. They lived in a small house with their mothers as a child and needed their privacy (just as their mothers did).

6. Which do they prefer: 3am or 3pm?

3 PM. Étoile would have such a hard time transitioning to sleeping during the day for the sake of vampire social participation. They'd definitely prefer to be sleeping at 3 AM.

7. If they suddenly woke up with animal ears and tails what animal would they be?

Poor Étoile. I feel it's very "typical" to say wolf, but I'm committing to how I associate them with wolves because of their werewolf mother.

8. If they could only eat one thing for 20 days straight what would it be?

Some kind of stew with potatoes / root vegetables and tomatoes and some kind of chunked meat: beef, boar, moose? Hopefully someone more adept at spices and cooking times prepared it for them.

9. Are they the type to re-read a book?

Yes. Étoile would have a general academic approach to reading, rather than leisurely, and would reread to encourage themself to memorize information and consider parables and fables and history from many angles.

10. Would they want to know the exact date and time of their death?

Absolutely not. This would drive them insane.

11. What’s their favourite mythological creature?

If they're sucking up to mom, it's a werewolf. Otherwise I think the symbolism of a pheonix would appeal to them.

12. If they had to listen to one song on repeat 100+ times what would it be?

The real answer to this question is a bg3 spoiler. The modern setting answer to this question is Short Memory by Evgeny Grinko:

13. Do they believe in an afterlife?

Adamantly.

14. When they get tired do their eyelids twitch?

No, not really.

15. What are their favourite textures?

Fur, leather, long hair.

16. Do they crack their joints?

Not intentionally, I think Étoile would have been taught it's bad manners and bad for their joints, so when it happens accidentally they feel especially guilty when it makes a joint feel better.

17. Would they eat/drink something too hot or wait for it to cool?

Oh, they absolutely eat/drink things too hot. Eager for the taste or the experience. Afraid something will happen to tear them away from their meal or drink if they wait for it to cool.

18. Are they the type to adopt strays? (Animals or people)

ksdfjgklsjdfhgk Yes.

19. Do they get work done straight away or wait until the last moment?

They start it straight away but it always takes until the last moment.

20. How do they bathe/shower? Long or short? Hot or cold?

In their primary setting it would either be a bucket of cold water / a river and a soapy rag, or a long hot bath. I think mostly the same in a modern setting: long cold showers more frequently, and long hot baths on occasion.

21. Are they the type to daydream?

Yes. It helps them worry.

22. Do they work best in a messy space or a neat space?

Neat. Étoile would generally keep a clean space and help their friends to do the same.

23. Do they keep any personal photos?

Ough. I hadn't previously thought of Étoile having a poor sketch of their mothers in their possession, but now I think it's the only think they hoped someone saved of their belongings left in Baldur's Gate.

Modern setting Étoile would definitely keep personal photos.

24. Do they indulge in anything?

Alcohol, but not frequently enough that it's a vice.

25. Would they do the exact opposite of what someone says just to spite them?

No. They might do this sometimes, but never just to spite a person's statement of the thing.

26. If they’re alone and hear a noise would they go and investigate?

Yes. Can't be too careful.

27. If they’re lost what is the first thing they would do?

Look for the sky, and where the sun is, or the stars. Try and figure out north.

28. What is that one dream that makes no sense but is absolutely terrifying?

Étoile would not enjoy any dreams.

29. What is the stupidest thing they’ve ever done just because someone said they couldn’t?

I don't think Étoile often rises to bait like this. The stupidest thing they've ever done though? That's spoilers. fdghdfgh

30. Are they stoic or melodramatic about being injured?

More stoic than melodramatic, but not unerringly. They'll hiss and scream and cry about their pain if it's significant enough.

[emo-sebastianstardew]

Demolition Lovers Part 4 Sebastian x Farmer Stardew Valley Fanfic

(Chapter 4 is finally here. This is really long chapter. The rating is still 18+. In this chapter will be smoking, profanity and some spicy stuff. Please enjoy. Credit to Heir of Atticus for the photo used.)

"Goodnight (farmers name)." He grinned waving goodbye to you and walked away.

You watched him leave the farm. Your heart was beating fast and you had butterflies in your stomach. Something about him was just so intoxicating. You really liked him. He had some confidence with the way he carried himself. He was funny and intelligent. He had this way about him that was so charming. You decided to go inside and get some sleep. Not only do you have plants to take care of in the morning but you had to make him a lunch he'd love.

You woke up at 6 am. The sunshine slapped you across the face. You sat up in your bed and groaned. You got up and got dressed. You went outside and began watering your crops. You started thinking about what you were gonna do with the rest of your day. You finished watering everything and decided to go fishing. You left your farm and started walking through town square.

"(farmers name)!" someone screamed. You whipped your head around and regretted who you saw.

Abigail started running to catch up with you. You waited for her to reach you.

"Yes... Abby?" You asked.

"You're not talking to Sebastian right?" She asked crossing her arms glaring at you.

"I mean... we just met. So... Yeah... Why do you care anyway?" You asked squinting at her.

"I CARE because we've been talking for a while now. He will be dancing with me at the flower dance. I know him much better than you. He likes me and I like him. I don't need you trying to take him." She hissed at you.

"Wow.. didn't realize you were both so close. He hadn't mentioned anything about that. But if you insist I'll leave him alone. Have good day Abby." You said and stared walking away from her.

Your mind was flustered with thoughts. If Sebastian and Abby were so close why would he hang out with you? Why is Abby so threatened by you? You decided it would be best to just leave Sebastian alone for a while. You weren't paying attention again and you bumped into someone. They fell over and started laughing.

"Yo (farmers name) you totally knocked me over hahaha." Sam laughed slowly standing back up.

"Sorry Sam. I didn't mean to at all. It's been on hell of morning already." You were flustered trying to apologize.

"Hey its all good (farmers name). I'm not mad at all. Why are you upset? You kinda look like you're gonna cry." He asked concerned.

"It's nothing. I don't want to waste your time." You smiled slightly.

"Hey whats going on?" He was very concerned now.

"Just..... um.... Is.... Abby and Sebastian a thing?" You asked sheepishly.

"Oh... I don't think so. I mean Abby is obviously a little obsessed with Sebastian. But I don't really think he feels the same. But to be honest with you that man is mystery. I've been his friend for 10 years and I still can't tell if he likes me. I wouldn't take anything personally. I just know Sebastian prefers to be alone. I've never really seen him try to go for any girl. So maybe try some space." Sam smiled trying to reassure you.

"Okay... thanks Sam. I'll just mind my business and stick to my farm thank you." You smiled started walking away.

"Um... not what I meant...." Sam muttered and walked away to work.

You decided to head down to the beach. You fished down at the dock practically all day. You noticed when the clock turned 3. You shook your head and went back to fishing. 5:00 pm rolled around and Willy came out to join you.

"Good evening (farmers name)." Willy smiled fishing beside you.

"Hey Willy." You smiled.

"Catching any good ones?"

"A few yes. I might need to start heading home soon."

"Be safe getting home and have good night." He waved goodbye.

You left Willy and waved good bye. You started making your way back to your farm. Once back home you decide to chop down some trees for some wood before bed. You were finished at 10:00 pm. You decided to go to bed.

Couple days have past and you have been very busy these past few days. You now had chickens and you had been in the mines as well. But today was a new day and your first week was over. You haven't bothered socializing much. You sat up in your bed, bright and early 6:00 am. You got dressed and head out on your farm. You started watering your crops like clock work. You walked into your chicken coop and collected your eggs.

"Good morning George, Micheal, Freddy and Joey." You said to the chickens. They clucked at you.

You gave them all love before leaving. You decided you were gonna go mining today. You started walking into town to check the board before you went up. There was a festival coming up called the Egg Festival. You decided to start making your way up the mountain. Your heart dropped in your stomach when you saw him outside smoking staring at you.

"Where the hell have you been?" Sebastian asked glaring at you.

You walked over to him feeling very nervous. You didn't answer his question.

"Hello..?! Ignoring me now?!" He snapped.

"Do not give me attitude Sebastian." You glared back at him.

"You say we are gonna hang out then don't come to see me for 7 days." Anger was in his eyes.

"OH.... Thats why we are pissy right now." You crossed your arms and looked away from him.

"Yeah why wouldn't I be mad about that." He took a step closer to you blowing out some smoke.

"Well tell your GIRLFRIEND to stay the fuck out of my face." Your eyes met his and you could feel your blood boiling.

"OH GIRLFRIEND! That's rich!" He was yelling now.

"Do NOT yell at me Sebastian!" You were yelling now.

"For YOUR information! I DO NOT have a girlfriend! Nor am I TALKING to anyone right now!" His eyes met yours. You felt lost in them again but remembered you were angry with him.

"HA! That's not what ABBY claims!" You were furious.

"This is about Abby?" His demeanor changed and he blew out smoke.

"YES this is about ABBY! Why are you so calm now?! YOU busy with her this past week?" You asked shaking.

"No. I haven't. I've been a bit busy wondering where the hell you've been." He looked away from you blowing out smoke.

"You're so frustrating!" You huffed looking away from him.

"Look at me." He said calmly. His voice was calming.

You were hesitant at first but looked at him eventually. He put his cigarette out.

"Come inside." He smiled.

You rolled your eyes and followed him inside. He took you downstairs to the basement. He opened his door and gestured for you to go inside. You walked into room and noticed a lot of things. Posters all over the walls, the room smelled damp and like weed. There was couch on the main wall with a desk and 2 computers. You notice big bookshelves on the side wall. There was table in the corner with comfy seats.

"I'm sorry." He said behind you walking past you.

"For?" You asked watching him.

"Everything. I shouldn't have yelled at you. Abby is just a friend I swear. I don't know what she said to you. But we are not a thing. JUST FRIENDS."

"It's okay. I'm sorry for yelling too. I just was so upset. I didn't like how she got in my face about it. It made me feel like a joke to you." You said looking at the floor.

"You're not a joke to me. You've never been that to me. I will talk to her. I do not want her treating you like that. But I don't want you to avoid me either. I enjoyed our night we shared together." He said smiling and blushing.

"Really?" You asked stepping closer to him.

"Yes really. The egg festival is coming up. I wanted to know if you wanted to go with me?" He smiled stepping closer to you.

"Yes I would love too." You smiled. Your eyes met his.

"Good. You owe me (farmers name)." He grinned.

"Why do I owe you? If anything you owe me Sebastian." You crossed your arms.

"Oh I owe you? You owe me lunch." He said raising an eyebrow.

"I have your lunch with me. You owe me for the pain you caused me." You huffed.

"Oooo you have the lunch? I will make it up to you however you want." He grinned and winked at you.

"Yes I have the lunch with me. But I don't know if you really deserve it." You said with your hand on your chin thinking.

"Please. I'm dying to try your food. I'll be a good boy" He whined.

"You better." You grinned pulling out a plate of sashimi and handing it to him.

"Hmm." He said just staring at the plate blankly.

"What do you not like fish?" You asked concerned getting close to him to look at the plate.

"I never said that. Just not what I expected." He said looking at plate then looking at you.

"WHAT? What did you expect! You said I could make anything." You huffed punching him in the shoulder lightly.

"Hahaha relax Princess. It looks beautiful. But does it taste good?" He asked picking up a slice. He ate it slowly and then started coughing. He placed the plate down and slid to the floor.

"Sebastian!" You watch him lay on the floor.

"Kidding. It was really good. I love sashimi." He smiled staring up at you. You sat down on the floor beside him and decided to lay down next to him.

"Good. I'm glad you love it." You smiled turning your head to look at him.

"Thank you (farmers name). It was really good." He turned and looked at you.

"Your rooms cool." You smiled.

"Thanks it's a bit cluttered."

"I like it minus the smell." You laughed.

"Yeah it kinda stinks. How's the farm been?"

"Busy. I have chickens now."

"Do you think they would like me?"

"Yes of course. Who wouldn't like the very attractive emo boy?"

"Attractive?" He asked raising an eye brow.

"I mean.... I think so.... I also have a dog now." You stuttered feeling your face turn red.

"Haha you're pretty cute when you're nervous." He grinned.

"Shut up." You rolled your eyes.

"This sounds stupid. But would you like to stay the night?" He asked staring at your eyes.

"Oh..." You sat up.

"What was that not the right thing to ask?" He sat up quickly watching you nervously.

"Come stay the nigh-"

"SEBBY I'M COMING IN." Robin opened the door and was now in the room.

"Mom..." Sebastian sighed.

"Oh Sebby I didn't realize you had company." She was grinning really wide eyeing you both.

"Mom.. we were just hanging out..." He glanced at her then back to you.

"I didn't know you and (farmers name) were so close." She smiled.

"Hello Robin." You smiled and waved.

"Don't encourage her." Sebastian whispered to you.

"I know you don't like me coming in here Sebby. But Abigail was asking about you at the market today." Robin said looking at him.

"I'm busy today. I'm spending it with (farmers name). We were just about to leave." Sebastian said glaring at his mom.

"Okay. I'll let her know. You two have fun." She smiled and waved bye before walking away. She shut Sebastians door.

"You're right. Your place is better." He said.

"You better start packing." You grinned.

"Of course." He smiled.

He grabbed a bag from under his bed and started packing clothes in it. He stopped packing for a second and walked over to his closet. He started taking off his hoodie facing the closet. You were just watching him feeling your face turning red. He was shirtless now going through his closet for something. You didn't realize he was so muscular. The hoodie really hides his muscles. He picked out a black shirt and put it on. The shirt was tight black muscle shirt. It contoured his body so well. He turned slightly looking at you smirking.

"You're not staring again?" He asked.

"No I uh... I.. uh... was snooping through your stuff..." You blurted out stuttering.

He laughed and turned back to the closet. He slipped off his pants and found a clean pair of black skinny jeans to wear. He put on the new pair and turned back to you. You were biting your lip watching him.

"What'd you find?" He asked smirking at you.

"Um... you like horror books...." Your face was bright red.

"Yeah horrors good. You ready to go?" He grinned.

"Absolutely." You smiled.

"Let's get out here." He said putting on another hoodie.

You opened the door and walked upstairs waited for him to come up. As you were waiting someone came through the door. Sebastian came up the steps and sighed.

"Great....." He said behind you.

To be continued.....

[matt10bth]

After 26, Before 27

This is my 10th entry of After and Before. Every time I read my entry I become much more aware of the things I need to improve, that are hard to improve, and the values that I let go and instill myself.

I wonder if what I'm doing is enough, or do I need to make a big step to change everything. Do I need to change everything? When everything is perfectly fine as it is.

Things I have learned so far in life.

1. Patience is the first definition of love in the bible because it is the first thing you need to learn and practice. The more I rush things, the more it will slip away from me.

2. To love is to let go, if you truly love someone you need to let go of them because they can never really reach their potential if you cage them.

3. Do not be afraid, it is okay to fail in life, to suffer in life. It is more important on how many times you stand up after you fall rather than how many times you win. Failures don't define you but should motivate you.

4. Do not compare yourself with other people, but compare yourself to what you are in your past. Be grateful also to your past because you cannot be who you are without the lessons along the journey.

5. Life cannot be fulfilling without giving. Do not count the things you provide and measure the things you are receiving.

6. Understand the people that surround you rather than judging them. Fill your with compassion, and I will tell you, you can sleep at night at peace without holding grudges.

7. Consistency is greater than doing things with a big impact. Things last longer and improve if you do it step by step. Take a little step so you can start things now.

8. When everything does not go in your way, do not be afraid, because you have God as compass. Let your compass direct you where to go, all you need to do is to follow it.

9. Do not let your hatred define and be the objectives of what you are going to do next. Even if the result is good, if the cause is not right, it does not justify it.

10 . Now you commit a hundred mistakes in life, be glad because you are still here and trying to correct and heal from them. It is time to make things right and stand up again.

I should accept I would never be the same again. There are things I cannot change but can amend.

My message to the 27-year-old version:

Every step, and back step you make is essential to your journey. (MOVE ON)

Some pains would repeatedly try to break you, but just hold on because it will make you stronger. (YOU HAD JUST KILLED ME)

Do not be afraid to show yourself, the very best version of yourself. Stand up and fight for it. (DEFY)

Try again, no matter how many times, try and try until you achieve your goal. (THIS IS MY REWRITE)

Well, that's life. It is full of color, from the darkest and lightest shade. (LIKE AND DON'T)

Search the world, search the people, search the meaning of life and love in God's terms. (HEY! LET US FIND SOME ALIENS)

I have created so many poems, songs, stories, and other forms of literature, that they will never define me, because every piece of my writing would only be part of who I am. My intention is for them to become an inspiration, and comfort when someone needs it.

Every time I write it significantly helps me to accept things and grow from them. I hope God someday I can share the lessons and stories I'm writing so I can inspire other people too.

I finished writing at 6:47 PM.