#okay so this turned into more of a general fall aesthetic

[byoldervine]

Motivation For Writing

Getting Off Your Butt:

1. Aestheticise it. Let the light in through the curtains, turn on your fairy lights, lay a blanket over your lap, light some candles, whatever you need to do to feel like a writer. The right vibes can go a long way

2. Picture that one scene. There’s almost always a moment you’re super excited about that basically inspired the whole book. Picture it, play it out in your head in full cinematic fanfare, gush to yourself about how cool it is and how everyone will love it, picture a future fanbase going nuts for it. You might get excited enough to go back to writing

3. Set a word count goal. During NaNoWriMo this year I think I wrote more than I ever have in one go. The thing that kept me coming back was the desire to not fall behind. I ended up with ~45K words after some complications irl caused me to drop off in the final few days, and that’s all just because I was adding up the 1667 a day word count goal and realising where I needed to be at to keep up. I definitely can’t stay as rigid as I did with 1667 words every single day, but seeing that you’re only a few hundred words off of a goal is super motivating - just be sure to set realistic, easy to achieve parameters for just general use, like 1000-2000 words per week. I know 200 words per day is a popular one for people trying to establish a writing routine that can’t dedicate forever to the craft

Maintaining Motivation:

1. Writing sprints. Writing sprints are a godsend for me, I like to set myself up in the living room with Abbie Emmons’ writing sprint video on. The video lasts two hours and is broken up into two parts; 25 minutes to write and 5 minutes for breaks between writing, so four 30 minute sprints overall. Having the timer and countdown with peaceful music and an aesthetic background is both relaxing and encouraging, as well as giving me a specific time for how much longer I have to push through. It’s easier for me to say “Okay, only ten more minutes, then you can take a break” then it is to say “Just keep going, we’re not stopping until I say so” which is too arbitrary for my brain to accept

2. Give yourself a choice. If you’re struggling to keep your focus, come up with a finish line and tell yourself you don’t have to do any more work once you’ve reached that point. Finish the paragraph, go for another five or ten minutes, keep it up until your next scheduled break. Whatever sounds realistic and doable without being overwhelming. And once you’ve met this goal, ask yourself if you still want to stop. With any luck, you’ll have gotten back into the zone and will choose to keep going. Maybe you’ll want to take a quick break but you’ll come back later on. And maybe you’ll decide that now actually is a good stopping point. Just remember that, if you do still want to stop, don’t force yourself to keep going. You can’t strike deals with yourself if you know you won’t keep your word and all you’ll end up doing is burning yourself out, which will lead to even less writing getting done

3. Try a new angle. If you can’t be bothered to write anymore, is there anything else you can do for your book? Plotting, editing, worldbuilding, character sheets, one-shots all that sort of thing can still be productive for your book while still being different enough to give your brain a slight respite. It also means less work in that particular area later on

Afterwards:

1. Organise. Clean up your workspace and put everything away so it’s nice and neat for when you come back to it. Or if you don’t need to pack things out the way, set it up in an aesthetically pleasing way so it will tempt you back next time. Let it give you the writer vibe

2. Take care of yourself. Get a drink, have a snack, walk about, stretch your limbs, take a breath, cuddle your pet. Something that gets you away from straining your eyes looking at text for a bit. This is also a good time to reward yourself if positive reinforcement is something you use on yourself. If you always feel shitty after your writing sessions, you won’t want to go back to it

3. Positive reflection. Make sure to tell yourself you did good, even if you didn’t get as much done as you would’ve liked or it isn’t up to a standard of quality you’re aiming for. That can all be fixed later on, and you’re infinitely better off than you would’ve been if you didn’t do it. Be proud of yourself. Tell yourself you’re proud of your hard work and your dedication and your effort. Remind yourself that this is a fun thing you like to do. Marvel over how insane it is that you’ve gotten this far - not many people do - and that you’ve got all this tangible work to prove you’ve accomplished something so many people wish they could pull off. If this isn’t fun overall, there’s no point

[deramin2]

I don't know how to really express this except to come across as a "kids these days" scold, but so much of the criticism of queerness in Good Omens would simply not be a thing if kids these days watched more 20th century queer media. Or more complex indie queer media in general.

People seem to want a show that's like the straight stories they grew up with but gay. Or the gay fanfiction they grew up with. But that's not really the tradition it's coming from. First off the novel was released in 1990. Queer film classics of the time are Dead Poet's Society (1989) and Torch Song Trilogy (1988). The TV miniseries Tales of the City (1993) wasn't made until 3 years later and it was so far out there it never had a huge audience. Philadelphia (1993) is also 3 years out and was basically the first big studio queer film. The first fluffy queer Hallmark-style romcom wasn't until Big Eden in 2000, a full 10 years after publication.

Queer stories from the time it was written were about complex and often fraught relationships between people who the world was trying to force apart. There is an incredibly strong tradition in queer films of relationships with no guarantees they will work out both in the face of their personal baggage and the weight of the world. Take a film like Torch Song Trilogy that's about the two great loves of Arnold Beckoff's life over 9 years and how homophobia shapes them. Both externally (especially Allen) and internally like Ed struggling with his bisexuality and being terrified of being publicly out. Written and starred in by Harvey Fierstein, who identified as a gay man at the time and only came out as nonbinary last year.

The Boys In The Band (1968 play, filmed 1970 and 2020) was a monumental moment in Broadway history where finally there was a play about gay men in their own words where no one died and very strongly showed that homosexuality doesn't make people miserable but homophobia sure does. But that homophobia also throws their personal lives into constant turmoil and none of them are in happy relationships, although Hank and Larry are devoted to each other in their own fucked up way.

"Relationships are complicated and hard to make work and sometimes a struggle against the odds" is an aesthetic of classic queer film making. Partly it was influenced by the Hays Code (although independent films were not bound to it), partly influenced by the rampant queerphobia in society at the time that was inescapable. But it's also an aesthetic choice to resist the banal and unrealistic relationship depictions of straight media. There are actual stakes to the relationship. Queer people were actively resisting a world that said "Romance is seeing someone across the room and instantly falling in love with each other and little conflicts happen along the way but ultimately they're destined to be together and everything is happily ever after." Recall that "stalking as romance" was a completely inescapable trope in 1980s straight romance films, and every goddamn movie was being turned into a romance film.

So queer people in film and television when they can make what they please have a long tradition of saying instead "People don't always realize the feelings they've developed for a queer partner right away. They may have reasons for denying those feelings that are both a reflection of the cruelty in society and of their own insecurities. People struggle with where they belong and their relationships reflect that. Loving someone doesn't mean they don't also drive you crazy and you might fight with them constantly. But that doesn't negate the love or that feeling that even if things aren't okay, they're better with that person around. But maybe that person can't stay around. The world may be against you. And also maybe you don't just want that one person in your life. Soulmates is a very flawed model. Sometimes the strongest love is a struggle with yourself and the world and your person. You have to overcome yourself first. Happily ever after is a lie. You may be happy for a while, and hopefully for a long while, but everything ends. And you have to be ready to love again. Also your platonic bonds are just as important and life-altering as your romantic ones. Sometimes those platonic bonds include fucking if you want them to. Real life isn't a bunch of platitudes and world-altering moments, it's daily work to better yourself and the world around you. Especially when things just fucking suck. But also remember to have fun and fuck the haters. People who don't support you can eat rocks and you should yell at them more to shut the fuck up."

That is a fundamentally different outlook on what a "good relationship depiction" looks like. Personally, I thought I hated romance movies and then I started watching queer romance movies and discovered I love them and watch them all the time. Because it turns out what I hated was relationships being shown that had nothing at all to do with reality and privileged incredibly toxic ideals. Finally there was complexity, there were stakes, and there were people who had to truly want to be together enough to fight the world for it and not because they happened to be there. There were people actually talking out their problems and looking for resolutions. (And sometimes that resolutions was "I can't fucking deal with this bullshit anymore and I'm out.") For the first time it felt real.

I'm an aroace trans gay man. Nothing about relationships or being in relationships has come easy to me, and the whole paradigm of straight patriarchal romance depictions makes absolutely no sense to me. It's completely alien. Queer romance stories actually feel human.

And that's the tradition Good Omens is coming from, even as it's being retold in 2019-2023 and hopefully beyond. Gaiman's work has always been based in that queer media paradigm. (I've been remiss and daunted and haven't read Pratchett but from what I do know his work also seems to sit more in that world view.) It's a beautiful cinematic tradition and it's baffling to me that people would resist it instead of embracing it for being honest.

And that's when I turn into a crotchety old man complaining about the youth not connecting with the history of their beautiful culture and instead begging for assimilation into a shithole allocishet media landscape that doesn't actually want them except for their money and has nothing at all interesting or valuable to say. But it's very funny (annoying) to me when people claim Good Omens is someone against queer culture when it's so thoroughly bathed in the best of queer media's storytelling traditions and what people are asking for is straight media with the serial numbers filed off. Like, stop being boring please and know literally anything about the culture the adults in the room lived through and were influenced by. The world didn't begin in 2015.

EDIT: I also want to add that in straight media arcs are linear. Traditionally in queer media arcs are cyclical. Queer media very often depicts people going around in circles relearning the same lesson over and over as they inch towards it sinking in. But every time they go through the cycle they gain just a little bit more enlightenment and slowly move towards a better place. From the comments this is an immensely important distinction. People don't actually have cathartic moments where suddenly all their past bad programming is shed and they saunter forward a new person with none of their old baggage. In reality people fall into the same patterns over and over even though they have had every opportunity to learn better. "People magically get better" is a trope of straight media that's an outright and frankly dangerous lie. Again, Good Omens follows the queer tradition not the straight one and it's depicted 6,000 years of that cycle. The world didn't end, and the wheel keeps turning, as it always has and always will. That's so fundamental to queer storytelling traditions I forgot to even mention it.

[honourablejester]

One thing I’m noticing, reading through Pathfinder 2e spell lists after coming from D&D 5e, is that PF2e spells have a distinct ethos of specificity. And by that I don’t mean that they’re more limited or more finicky that 5e spells, I mean that they have very specific effects.

Like. Okay. Example. In 5e, if you want to do psychic damage to someone with a spell, you could pull out Phantasmal Killer, which ‘creates an illusory manifestation of its deepest fears’, dealing 4d10 psychic damage per round unless they make their save. In PF2e, if you want to deal mental damage to someone, there is a spell called Teeth to Terror that creates the extremely specific delusion that the victim’s teeth are falling out and cramming themselves down its throat. In 5e, if you wanted to booby-trap a door, you might put a Glyph of Warding on it, which can either explode when triggered or store a prepared spell of its level or lower (which can do some fun things). In PF2e, you might instead put the Ravenous Portal spell on the door, which very specifically turns it into a mimic the next time someone tries to open it. There are different spells depending on whether you want to turn someone to wood, stone, or glass. There’s also a friendly spell to turn someone willingly to glass, or iron.

What I’m getting at here is, 5e seems to have a general ‘give the ballpark effects and let people flavour it from there’ sort of ethos, while PF2e has a more ‘no, I’m about to tell you very specifically what’s about to happen to you’ sort of vibe?

There are spells to slowly cover someone with paralysing coral growths, impale them on a cold iron spike, imprison them in a phantom iron maiden that heals you as it hurts them, fire a cone of jagged bone shards at them, make someone feel like they’re being crushed underwater, give them a crisis of faith, set a pack of spectral beasts on them, x-ray vision their organs …

They’re so specific. 5e has it’s aesthetic spells, don’t get me wrong, and PF2e has it’s more general spells as well, but Pathfinder just has more spells that do one specific thing, and describe said thing in quite a lot of (often gruesome) detail.

I’m kind of vibing with it, not going to lie. And I have so many questions about the individual spellmakers who came up with each one. Like, why did you make a spell specifically to make someone terrified of their own fucking teeth? What circumstances led someone to think they needed an on-demand phantom iron maiden? What exactly goes on in Golarion?

[lavenoon]

Asterisms (~5.6K)

*An asterism is an observed pattern or group of stars in the sky. Asterisms can be any identified pattern or group of stars, and therefore are a more general concept than the 88 formally defined constellations.

Bloodstain Fool by @naffeclipse, og detective au by sunnys-aesthetic

menace4menace one-shots in order: Falling into Orbit, Conjunction, [You are here]

A bit of a disclaimer/ context: There is another drabble that will be referenced in this one, but I wrote it as a vent when I was in a very bad spot mentally and never cleaned it up, so it's now unfortunately in the "canon to the menace4menace storyline but too raw to share" limbo. You don't need to know the details to understand though (I hope). It does end with another sleepover, so that's where we start off here!

-

“So, are we friends now?” 

You take another bite from your breakfast apple, legs crossed on the couch. Eclipse at his desk tenses, his shoulders rising, and the scratch of his pen coming to an abrupt halt. But he doesn’t turn back, doesn’t spare you his standard glare. 

After a moment, he continues writing, as if you never said anything. That’s just fine — you’re too stubborn to stop now. 

“Because comforting someone during a breakdown is kind of friend behavior.”

Impossibly, he tenses further. From the way his writing sounds he’ll soon tear through the paper and just start carving onto the desk. 

“You were talking nonsense and I simply corrected you. If you interpret that as comfort, that is not my problem.”

You hope he feels how scathing your disdain is through vibes alone as you direct a deadpan stare at his back.  

He probably doesn’t know what “vibes” are. 

“You invited me over too.” 

“And you owe me for that.” 

Fine, then. If he insists on framing it as more debt that he’ll hardly be able to collect you can let it go. Otherwise you’ll just back him into a corner of stubbornness, and something tells you he’s the type to double down. 

It does mean you spare him the mention of the blanket. A soft red throw currently protecting you from sticking to the leather of the couch. Eclipse refused to acknowledge its existence, much less elaborate on the reason for the new addition to his couch yesterday, and you weren’t in the mood to ask either. The afternoon was stressful enough. 

You sigh. 

“Okay, sure. You can start a little tally on the back of the I.O.U. note I already gave you.”

Some of the tension leaves his shoulders, and you almost want to sigh again. How exhausting to see everything as transactional. 

“No need. I remember.” 

The question about animatronic memory dies a quiet death on the tip of your tongue — at the last second you decide it’s not a good idea to imply doubt right now. Instead you take another bite from your apple, and chew. Hopefully you can drop this conversation after. It didn’t really go the way you wanted it to. 

Just to make sure it sticks you decide to change the topic entirely. 

“What are you writing?” 

There’s the softest huff as his shoulders drop further. The defeat is evident, and you press your lips together to keep a grin down. Friends or not, he’s learned his lesson about your stubbornness. 

You’ll get him on the friendship, too, sooner or later. 

“A report.” 

Oh, he wants to be like that. Fine. You’ll play.

“On what?” 

The pen stops for a moment, then continues.

“The latest bounty I apprehended.” 

“You have to write reports on that?” 

In a way, it makes sense — you just didn’t think about it before. But you’re no stranger to writing reports, and detailing the events of how a certain bounty was caught seems reasonable. 

Eclipse turns to look at you for the first time, and his expression is about as tired as an animatronic could manage to look. 

“Yes. It’s not like the movies.” 

You take another bite from your apple as you keep up the eye contact, and then he turns back. Seems like your silence was enough of a concession for him. 

Leaning back against the couch, you’re just thinking that you don’t miss writing reports one bit. 

“Reports suck. My condolences.” 

Eclipse doesn’t stop writing to look back, but you do hear the soft static sound of a laugh. 

“Speaking from experience?”

You chuckle softly, matching him. Writing reports and bills - the worst part of your chosen career. 

“Yup.” 

He hums. 

“Is that why you haven’t made any efforts to work again?” 

Well, not quite — looking for work hasn’t been on your list of priorities without the immediate pressure of paying for your lodging. An oversight, you’ll admit, given that you can’t rely on your boarded room forever. But without any credentials, without your degree or even an ID you don’t really know where to start, hypothetically. 

Besides, even if you wanted to, you know that research has to go through a few more necessary steps before you can consider picking up your former work again.

So you shrug, even though he can’t see.

“Eh, mostly I don’t think my job field exists yet. Caring about kids with learning disabilities was a pretty recent development even in my time.” 

This time, the pause feels heavier than before. 

“... You worked with children?” 

You have no idea how to read his tone. Not angry, you don’t think, but there’s something that you just cannot make sense of. It sparks something defensive in you, even though you can’t tell if it’s judgement coloring his voice. You chose your job for a reason, and you know it’s a good one.

“Yeah, I mean. No one gave a fuck about my problems in school growing up. I didn’t want that for other kids.” 

“Hm.” 

That’s… It’s not acknowledgement, but it’s also not a rebuke. You don’t know what to make of it. 

You’ll poke the bear just one more time. 

“You don’t like children?” 

That poke went through. Eclipse carefully sets his pen down, and turns his head your way. Just his head - it’s unsettling, and you flinch at the suddenness. You wonder if that was exactly his intention when he narrows his darkened eyes at you. 

“Continue this line of questioning and you’ll find that I absolutely will kick you out.” 

There isn’t a hint of humor in his voice, nor even a crumb of softness. This time you decide not to bet on that being a bluff. Not with those eyes. You shrink back, hunched on the couch and pondering the nearly finished apple in your hand. Eclipse turns back, you think. You only hear the click of his neck and then the scratch of his pen again. 

The lump in your throat grows at the renewed tension that you don’t know how to alleviate. Maybe just a straightforward approach — you did push him too far. 

“I’m sorry, I won’t ask again. I just care about them.”

This time, the scratch of his pen only stutters, but doesn’t stop. You’ll take that as progress, even if his tone is still hard.

“You got to be a child.” 

You think back to your childhood, and the responsibilities you had to take on much too early. A huff of air escapes as a sigh before you can stop it. There’s nothing you really process as you stare off into space. The smile you manage twitches pathetically before you let it fall again. 

“I guess, for a while.”

Still longer than Eclipse got to be one though, to be fair. 

This time you sigh on purpose, and extract yourself from the blanket. Folding it is a bit hard with only one free hand available, but you at least don’t leave it as a scrunched up mess. You ramble on a bit, just to put out any metaphorical fires you might have set. 

“I’m filing this away as another thing I shouldn’t ask about. I won’t pry, and I get that you probably have complicated feelings about it. I have my own, different ones. We can both be justified. I’ll drop it now. Gonna wash up a bit.” 

Without giving him any opportunity to reply you slink into the kitchen, disposing of the apple core before escaping further into the bathroom. 

Not a lot you can do in here without your toiletries, and you don’t think Eclipse has a habit of expecting human visitors, much less preparing for their needs. The blanket already was a surprise, after all. You’ll just have to deal with a bit of discomfort until you make it back to your room. 

Maybe Eclipse is right. You are awfully curious, and there are a lot of lines you don’t know you’re crossing until you’ve waltzed right over them. He has every right to set those boundaries, and maybe you could learn a little tact. At least you can try. After the unexpected kindness he showed you, no matter how much he denies it, you really do owe him that. 

For now you’ll just not mention kids again, and definitely change the topic once you’re back out. 

Carefully you reemerge, and assess the situation from the entrance to the living room. Eclipse is still writing his report, focused and quiet, but his shoulders are relaxed. Well, as much as you’ve ever seen him relaxed. There is of course the pure physical difference — maybe he doesn’t have to relax as much as humans do to really feel the effect. 

You’ve seen him tense for sure. More often than not, which only exacerbates the thought that he doesn’t know how to truly relax. 

Not that you do, either. It’s not rest if you feel guilty for resting, occupying your thoughts with more anxiety, and that’s unfortunately what you keep doing, again and again. 

Yesterday, in the park — that was the latest botched attempt to relax for once. And that didn’t do jack shit for your mind until Eclipse came by and poked you until you spilled it all. Kinder than he gives himself credit for, but just as blunt as you needed. Hard to argue that self deprecation is deserved with nearly ten foot of all that glaring down at you and calling you out on your bullshit. 

Not that he did in so many words, but his threats were convincing in the moment. Now you’re just left wondering.

Apparently you stare just a little too long. 

“What?”

The question is curt and somewhat grumpy — the familiar grumpy, and thus leagues better than the hostile tone from before. 

You don’t think. It’s a bad habit. 

“Could you throw me?” 

Eclipse straightens in his chair, pausing his writing again. You don’t know what to make of that, even with his pointed follow up. 

“Excuse you?”

Any other person might agree that you’ve made some very unwise decisions, and this is barrelling towards yet another added to the ever growing tally. However, you’re you, and as long as he doesn’t sound outright hostile you don’t see the harm in elaborating.

“Yesterday, you said you’d throw me in the pond if I don’t shut up. I’m not asking you to, just if you actually could.” 

You watch as he sets the pen down, this time turning on the chair to face you. His stare is so deadpan, you’ll need a graveyard for kitchenware stat. Slowly, and without looking away he rises.

That doesn’t bode well for you. On instinct you wave your hands through the air, though you don’t have much hope.

“I said you don’t need to prove it!” 

While Eclipse is deceptively calm in his approach, you’re not oblivious enough to believe him. You duck, not quite a crouch, but you’re keyed up already. Your options are limited and you don’t have time to think - and then he’s past the coffee table, and you make a break for it down the hallway. 

Hearing him laugh definitely isn’t reassuring. 

You’re just reaching for the bathroom door when his hands wrap around your middle, and you screech. Or laugh, you aren’t quite sure. Unceremoniously you’re whipped back, your safe haven back out of reach. Eclipse lets go only for a moment, and only to turn you into a position facing him. 

That grin is not reassuring. It might be the happiest you’ve seen him yet. 

Before you can even begin to process that contradiction his hands are on you again, and then you’re up. 

You blink. Rare enough you get to look him in the eyes on face level. 

“Does this answer your question?” 

And still he sounds so happy. In a strange way, it makes sense. Maybe. If you think about it — a playful, if extremely short chase that lets him show off how big and scary he is, without any of the risks his job usually involves. It’s not even like he’s holding you particularly tightly. The pressure from his hold is mostly under your arms, and that’s gravity from dangling, not him grabbing too hard.

Just as you think about it, his fingers loosen around you even more. Just a hint, and you are still held securely, but a noticeable change. Before, he felt bad about the bruises he left on accident, and now he’s trying to adjust? Is that it? 

And yet, all that combined with his unbearably smug attitude. 

You suppress a grin, just barely, and decide to deflect. This morning has had enough realizations and tense conversations. 

“... Do I even weigh anything to you?” 

The bubble of happiness bursts, and he narrows his eyes again with a scoff. Seamlessly he turns, back towards the living room, and just for a moment you brush your fingers against the ceiling. Also rare enough you get to do that, even in places that aren’t housing a ridiculously tall animatronic. 

He ducks under the doorway, and for a second you hope to touch ground again. None of that. 

“At worst you’re a burden on my mind.” 

The dissonance between the way he’s still holding you and the venom in his voice is too great, so you promptly decide to disregard the latter. Actions over words, or something. And sure, there are nicer ways to tell someone you think about them a lot, but this is the guy who doesn’t believe in friendship. 

You pat his shoulder, and close your eyes for posterity. 

“I’m flattered. You should have said ‘No, it’s like holding a couple of grapes.’” 

When you open your eyes again you’re met with a narrow-eyed glare, radiating suspicion. Also, you have to look up again. If you weigh so little to him, the only explanation is that he wants to be taller. You file that hypothesis away for another time, when you have access to walls to climb on.

For now, Eclipse has caught onto the fact that you continue sprinkling memes into your conversations.

“I’m not saying that.” 

He dips you a little lower, and then many things happen at once. Air breezing past you, and his hands no longer holding you up — but you’re not just falling. 

No, the bastard did throw you. 

The springs of the couch creak as you land on it butt first, and your back hits the armrest at an angle.

“Oof.” 

Unaffected by your suffering, Eclipse brushes past you to settle back at his desk. 

“Now let me finish my report, or I’m kicking you out.”

His shoulders are lower, again. You smile.

Then, with a soft chuckle, you right yourself, twisting to face him even as he doesn’t face you. 

“Actually, can we do it the other way round? I wanna ask one more thing -”

Before you get to finish he’s already turning back, eyes narrow in warning. You throw your hands up placatingly and continue without pause.

“Nothing about you, stop looking at me like that. After that I’ll leave and you have the entire rest of this beautiful day to engage in boring as fuck work stuff.” 

Because he did remind you of that issue creeping closer and closer, and you have not the slightest idea how to go about fixing it before it all goes south. 

For a sigh, he slumps. A bit theatrically, you want to say, especially when he starts rubbing his forehead in exasperation, too — well, notably, the little swirl, just above his eye. Reminds you of when you did the same, just gentler.

“I feel like that will be a welcome reprieve after your exciting presence.” 

Right, back to the conversation. You click your tongue and flutter your eyelashes innocently. 

“Ahw, you just keep flattering me.” 

If you ever decide to measure how narrow his eyes go, you’d need to pinch your fingers together, and he’d definitely take offense. You’re tempted all the more. 

“Ask your question before I change my mind, you menace.” 

So he doesn’t mind the question. Could have said so in a few more words, but you’ll take it. After another little dig — you have your dignity to defend. You straighten and level your own haughty scowl at him. 

“Says the guy who just threw me on the couch.” 

His hand still set on the table tightens into a fist.

“Star.”

Right, the question. You lean back, bouncing slightly on the couch. 

“Fine, fine. Where could I work? Without any proof of my existence or education?” 

Right now, you’re boarding for free, but your conscience is starting to weigh on you. As ideal as it is, that’s not how things work, and you’ll need a source of income if you don’t want to be dependent on other people’s goodwill. 

Eclipse’s expression sours, and his shoulders droop with an overly exaggerated sigh. 

“I suppose it’s in my favor too if you get some faked documents. I’ll just need some additional information.” 

He really just jumped past a few steps you didn’t expect to be that easy of a hurdle. Then again, his legs are a lot longer, sure it’s easier for him. You can roll with that. 

There is no way you’re going to bring your name into this though. If you already get to reinvent yourself… 

Or, even better - 

“Sure. Can I have the last name Smith?” 

“Smith?” 

The suspicion is palpable, though he doesn’t seem to get the joke. That’s no problem, you’ll gladly help him out. No ulterior motives at all. 

“Yeah! Like the ‘I’m here undercover so I’m picking the most obvious fake name ever’ name.” 

His expression tells you everything you need to know about what he thinks of that idea. 

You smile, and remain silent. The proof that you can shut up. And if the timing just so happens to also make it prove that you can be a menace even without opening your mouth, well, that’s between you and your steadily growing grin. The moment stretches as Eclipse’s eyes narrow further, and his next sigh bursts with frustrated static as he turns away.

“Why did I ever think you just being quiet would be enough?” 

Mumbling to himself he rummages through a drawer, and you sit up on your knees to catch a glimpse of loose pens and papers and paperclips. 

“Silence is golden, after all. I didn’t have to say anything to annoy you.” 

Words are one thing, actions another. You take the notepad and pencil he holds out to you, and settle back on the couch.

“You’re a walking headache. And here I thought I was immune.”

“You keep saying that, and yet you keep inviting me back. I don’t think I’m that bad, or you’re a masochist.”

Oh, oh and you thought you knew his bad glares. But this one is just a tad too disbelieving — did you really have the audacity to say that? — and rather than doing the proper self preserving thing and apologize, or something, you just snort. 

Eclipse has had enough of you. 

“Just write down the information you want. If it’s ridiculous, I’m not getting it. If anything’s missing, I’m making up the least flattering filler possible.” 

Again he turns back, and you dutifully write down all the info he could need. Your desired name (including the Smith), age, and height - and then stop at the gender. After a moment of deliberation you doodle a little mischievous cat face and carry on. You think your birth town already exists, so you note it down too. What else, what else… 

For a minute or two, the room is silent except for the scratch of two pens. 

Once you’re done (at least as done as you can be without knowing what information exactly is necessary) you stand up, dusting yourself off just to stall for time. By the time you step next to Eclipse at the desk and hold out the notepad again he too has put down his pen. You shake the pad once before he takes it. 

“All done.” 

“Good. Now get out of here.” 

He stashes the pencil back in the drawer, but the notepad he leaves on the desk. Doesn’t even spare you a last glance before he picks up his pen again. There’s no fight to be won here, so you just snort and step away. Overstaying your welcome is not something you’re particularly interested in, and you’ve already teetered the edge for a while now.

Except you stop at the entrance to the living room, one hand on the doorframe. There’s a lot left unsaid, both because you’re embarrassed still about your little breakdown, and because Eclipse is about as emotionally aware as a rock and pricklier than a cactus. But if you’re leaving now anyway… 

Before you can talk yourself out of it, you turn back. Eclipse is still writing. 

“Hey, Eclipse?” 

“Yes?” 

He draws out the sound, clearly annoyed. Woe is him, you haven’t actually left his apartment yet. 

“Thank you, again.” 

Just like any time before, he stiffens at the expression of gratitude. At least he doesn’t notice your smile in response, given that you manage to suppress the amused huff. 

You’re undeterred. 

“You’re a better person than you give yourself credit for. Though if I may recommend a different succulent to emulate, aloe would be a much more pleasant alternative.” 

He turns on his chair after just a moment of processing your barb, a growl already building up. But before he catches you with his glare you’re laughing, and dipping into the hallway. 

“See you soon!” 

“Don’t you dare!” 

But for all his posturing, he doesn’t chase you again — doesn’t chase you out. After just demonstrating how easy it would be for him, that speaks volumes. 

Oh, you’ll definitely see him again soon. Life would be much too boring otherwise.

—

It’s a few days before you see Eclipse again, and by pure chance, too. For once, you’re out and about with a purpose, and seeing a bounty hunter isn’t it. 

No one will fault you for a detour, though. 

Especially not when you see that he’s talking to someone - a man, wearing nondescript worker’s clothes, and not the kind of work Eclipse engages in. No, this is someone your eyes would simply pass over in a vintage photograph of a street scene, or some sort of group shot. 

So Mr. No Friends has other reasons to communicate with people — and you’re just dying to know about what. 

Your current position puts you at Eclipse’s back, and that’s where you prefer to be for now. Means he won’t see you until it’s too late, and you’re already close enough to listen in. So you step closer, carefully and quietly, though you make no secret out of your curiosity. With your eyes on Eclipse you creep closer, arms crossed behind your back. You lean forward just slightly, like that will put you closer to the conversation. 

And then you get spotted. 

“I saw him last around — Sorry, who’s your friend?” 

Your automatic smile stiffens as you drop your gaze to the speaker. Those narrow eyes are nothing compared to what Eclipse will look like when he sees you’ve been eavesdropping.

“My -” 

Eclipse turns, a wide eyed glare finding you quickly. Think of the devil. Rage simmers just below the surface, and you remember the last time you announced yourself as his friend. Your smile twitches, and you direct a wave at Eclipse’s not-friend. An informant, maybe? That would fit into his broody bounty hunter reputation. 

The impulsive part of your brain supplies a feathery Eclipse as a chicken-puddle as he clucks offendedly, and you decide to talk before you start laughing. 

“Oh, no, I just owe him.” 

Somehow, you feel like his glare is worse now. 

Maybe-Informant scowls, then turns back to Eclipse. 

“You’re branching out, huh? Anyways, I last saw him lurking around the industrial area, hiding out in different warehouses. Lots of people on his tail these days, might be a hassle finding him in that maze.” 

Definitely an informant then. Your curiosity is officially sated, even at the cost of Eclipse once again being mad at you. 

“I’ll find him. Keep an eye out.” 

He turns so suddenly that you end up taking a step back, to no avail. His hand wraps around your upper arm, though the grip isn’t tight — but his fingertips touch. Just so, and no tighter, and then he’s dragging you after him. 

For a second, you contemplate making a show of it. Back of the hand to your forehead, pretend despair at being dragged away. You decide against it, because you don’t actually want to make Eclipse’s reputation worse, and you also remember why he started helping you out in the first place. 

So instead, you opt for a wave. It reaches nothing but air. You don’t even see the informant anymore, and don’t get the chance to look around either before Eclipse drags you off into an alley. 

At least he starts talking before you get to voice your comment about risqué behavior during daylight hours. You’re in deep enough trouble as is.

“What are you doing here?” 

You shrug, the motion pulling his hand up before he lets go of your arm. Not that he looks any happier, but also not like you aren’t used to that by now. You’ve seen him really angry, and this isn’t it. 

“Job hunting.”

Nonchalant as the response is, his reaction is the opposite. You’re pretty sure you see his eyelid twitch. 

“Job - I haven’t even gotten you your papers yet!”

Alright, maybe you’re just a little impatient. Indignance pulls up your shoulders again, and you pace down the alleyway to gesture at nothing. 

“I know, but I got bored! So I came up with a story that will keep most people from asking questions - saying you left Germany as fast as possible at the cost of documentation is apparently very easy to believe. We’re not exactly popular. Now everyone pities me instead of focusing on the everything else, which does play into my hand.” 

Eclipse stays and watches you, deceptively calm where you are restless. You trail to a stop and look at him, trying to gauge his reaction. 

It comes out almost impressed.

“... You’re more devious than I thought.” 

Uh oh, can’t give him standards. You wave off the questionable compliment and step closer again, even if it means you have crane up your neck higher. The distance between your faces is big enough even if you don’t stand half an alley away.

“Don’t give me too much credit. I didn’t think of that lie any sooner, and I had to prepare contingency plans for multiple possible lines of questioning before I felt safe enough to even attempt telling it to anyone.” 

A static rumble of a sigh as he briefly hides his eyes behind a hand. 

“This is who I…” 

Wait, what? You barely understand the mumble before he trails off, but immediately perk up.

“You what?” 

But just as quickly he drops his hand, instead glaring down at you. 

“Nothing. Did you have to prepare the other lie too?” 

He��s lost you. 

“What lie?” 

You’re not exactly in the habit of lying, don’t even enjoy this one you came up with. 

There’s a twitch to his expression, and when he elaborates, his voice is strained. Considering he’s technically always gritting his teeth this is the first time he sounds like it too. 

“That you ‘just’ owe me.” 

Oh.

You blink. 

Break eye contact to look down. 

Hide the manic grin growing on your face. 

He’s mad because you denied being his friend. 

That’s the only explanation that makes sense to you, the only reason he’d be mad about this. At some point within the past few weeks he’s changed his mind from being allergic to friends to wanting to be yours. Sure, he hasn’t admitted it in so many words. He doesn’t need to. Not with this reaction — and that glare earlier that now makes sense, too. 

Maybe he hasn’t even realized it himself.

“Don’t come up with a lie now.”

Oh, stars, if he gets any grumpier about this you absolutely will lose it.

“I’m not. I’m trying not to laugh.” 

“What?”

You look back up. The grin is undeniable, and your cheeks are starting to hurt. 

Eclipse does not look amused.

“You’re mad because I affirmed your broody loner reputation? I assumed that’s what you want, but I’ll gladly call you my bestie next time.”

He physically flinches back. This look you know, and remember well despite only having seen it once - disgust. But you no longer believe you’re a very squishy bug to him. You really, really want to laugh. 

“Do not insinuate we are friends.” 

“Why is it an issue then if I ‘just’ owe you?” 

“That’s -” 

You watch him struggle for a moment, shoulders a tense line as he breaks eye contact to scowl off into space. But only for a moment. After all, there’s giving him time to sort out his thoughts, and torturing him by putting him on the spot. 

… Though you’re probably doing that already. All the more reason to intercept. 

“You want to be friends.” 

Now if only you could reign in the smugness radiating off of you.

Eclipse meanwhile looks terribly offended. 

“I do not.”

He’s a better liar than you are, but unfortunately for him, he already gave himself away. You chuckle softly, and lean back against the dingy brick wall behind you to cross your arms. The satisfaction still drips from your tone.

"Wasch mir den Pelz, aber mach mich nicht nass." 

His eyes narrow. The tone may be undeniable, but still he doesn’t know what exactly you said, and it only irritates him more. You should talk German to him more often. 

When you don’t elaborate after a moment, he growls.

"What?" 

Your cheeks really hurt now. 

"Wash my fur but don't make me wet. I prefer it over 'you can't have your cake and eat it' because I have it to eat it." 

The glare drops into something resigned. He’s gotten used to your bullshit then, and is already tired of it. To be fair, you are doing it on purpose, at least partially. Or maybe more accurately, you are simply embracing being a natural menace. 

Eclipse grumbles. Somehow, the sound reminds you of a pissed off cat. 

"So now you're insulting me in German." 

You close your eyes, though that does nothing to diminish your grin. With a chiding waggle of your finger you continue. 

"No, I described the situation. If you interpreted that as an insult that's not my problem." 

Oh, yeah, you love being a menace. A glimpse back up shows Eclipse’s hands balled into fists and his eyes closed — maybe counting to ten in his head. You hear it’s supposed to calm you down. You wonder if it works. 

His eyes are golden and blazing when he narrows them at you again.

"I detest you." 

And you’re much too elated to take him seriously. 

"You want to be my friend." 

Still allergic to the word, his shoulders rise in defense. If he narrows his eyes any further, they’ll be closed. 

"I experienced a momentary lapse in judgement. I'm cured now." 

And yet, he hasn’t left. Is “shit-eating grin” an expression yet? 

It takes enormous effort to tamper it down into something good natured, and shrug innocently. Bat your eyes just to really sell the act. 

"Sure. Whenever you want another sleepover just hit me up." 

Eclipse’s expression jerks. You drop your gaze to watch his hands, and catch them on the tail-end of unfurling. Instead, he crosses them, and apparently decides to just ignore your offer.

“I have work to do. And you, little Star, want to get out of this part of town.” 

You click your tongue and lift one hand up to your heart, fluttering your lashes in adoration.

“Ahw, you care about me!”

There’s that lemon face you love!

“Leave before I lose the rest of my sanity!” 

He’s all coiled tension, ready to go off as he extracts one arm to point towards the main road. If you tease him any more, he might just start steaming like a cartoon. … Probably less than ideal as an animatronic. 

Better to call it a day here. Placatingly you wave your hands, though you can’t help the soft laugh that escapes with your words.

“Yes, yes. You take your non-breather breather.” 

Rather than acknowledge your parting comment he just turns, walking further down the alley. There are other little backstreets, so maybe he plans on leaving that way. 

Your cue to go then, too. You’ll take the main road, not because he told you, but because even you have enough self preservation skills to realize that traversing an unfamiliar network of seedy alleys in the late afternoon rapidly turning evening is a bad idea. 

But still you hesitate at the crossroads. You didn’t really say goodbye, and somehow that doesn’t sit right with you. Though getting mushy on Eclipse is probably worse than being a menace, so you turn for one last tease.

The narrow walls carry your voice, and all the delight in it too.

“Bye, bestie!” 

You laugh at his frustrated roar from deeper in the alley, and dip around the corner. There, gave him enough to chew on. 

Let him stew in those thoughts. 

[mybl--dyvalentine]

Insufferable જ⁀➴ Vernon

✮ idol! vernon x manager! fem! reader

✮ Summary: Job searching wasn't always the easiest. Employers read your resume and completely brush you off once they deem you as unfit. Until an unexpected acceptance from one of the biggest idol companies in the world reached you. Who knew that the job would lead to a meeting of fate.

✮ Genre: Angst? girl idk.

✮ Warnings: Swearing and a near death experience

✮ Word Count: 2,832

Y/N:

The sound of birds chirping filled the room, which woke me up. I blink until my vision begins to clear and stare at the ceiling, contemplating whether or not to be productive or procrastinate. My phone lights up with a notification. I pick up my phone and stare at the notification, processing what it says. 

"Hybe Labels... Why does that sound so familiar?"

I swipe up and press on the safari app. Halfway through typing in Hybe Labels to look it up, I remember. THE Hybe Labels emailed ME? I applied for so many different jobs that I completely forgot about which companies I even applied to. A small scream left my mouth before I grasped the situation. I have to open the email. Anticipation took over my body, controlling it to the point where I stood and stared at my phone for a couple minutes. After building up enough courage, I opened the email. 

Hybe Labels: Employment

Hello Y/N,

After careful consideration, we ultimately decided to hire you as a manager! The group you will be managing is SEVENTEEN. We will provide more information after we get your verbal acceptance during a meeting with the head manager. 

Best Regards,

Sung-Ho

I fall back onto my bed and let out a huge sigh. After job hunting for so long, I thought I'd end up broke this month. I grin and get up, ready to start my day.

"Who knew picking an outfit would be so difficult?" I say to myself while looking in my mirror and posing.

Currently, I'm sporting a fitted grey button-down tucked into a darker grey pencil skirt with black pumps and black tights. My hair is up in a claw clip, and I decided to wear black rectangle glasses to complete the outfit. The goal was to look like a manager, and I ended up looking like a generic office worker.

"Well, at least it's business casual." I say while grabbing my phone to check the time.

"Oh shoot! It's already 11 am? I need to leave right now."

After grabbing my purse and keys, I ran to my car. I finally head to Hybe Headquarters. After parking, I realized I forgot to do makeup. In a rush, I quickly slapped on some lip balm, lip tint, concealer, mascara, and blush. I exit my car immediately after and speed walk to the entrance. The place is very sleek and modern. It exudes richness and is kind of intimidating. I look around the lobby and see a person who looks like a receptionist. I quickly make my way towards them.

"Hi, I'm here for a meeting with the head manager?" I ask.

"What's your name?" They say.

"Y/N." I say with a smile.

They look at their monitor and start typing. The typing went on for who knows how long until I was snapped back into reality by their voice.

"Okay, you can head up. The head manager is going to be there at 2 pm. Just wait outside the door with the number 224 on floor three. There should be some chairs near it so you can sit down."

"Alright! Thank you." I turn to face the elevator and head over to it.

I punch in the upwards arrow and wait for the elevator to arrive. I take a quick glance around the room to get a grasp on the atmosphere. It's mostly people dressed in monochromatic outfits and all look somewhat wealthy. I really don't fit the aesthetic of this place. The elevator dings and I look at the slowly opening doors. I walk into an empty elevator and press the button with the number three on it. The doors close and I patiently wait to reach floor three when the elevator stops at floor 2. Once the doors finally open, I'm greeted with a man. He looked quite familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. He glances at me and doesn't utter a single word.

"Hello. Which floor are you headed to?" I ask curiously.

He takes a couple steps to reach the buttons and presses the button with a four on it while completely ignoring my question.

"Ooookay." I say quietly.

It doesn't take a lot of common sense to answer a simple question that doesn't even take up that much of your time. Plus I was trying to help by pressing the button for him. I roll my eyes and wait for the elevator to reach floor three. The elevator finally dings and I walk out looking for which side has the room number 224. After reaching the room, I take a seat and pull out my phone from my purse to check the time.

"1:59? I made it just in time." I sigh with relief.

I pocket my phone and lightly tap my fingers on one another while looking around. There wasn't much to see other than a big grey door, some chairs, and a couple potted plants. Some footsteps and voices emerged from the direction of the elevator. As they got closer, I got more anxious.

"You must be Y/N." A man asks while another opens the door.

"Ah, yes that's me." I say nervously.

"Great! Come in." He waves his hand into the now open doors.

I slowly walk in and see a long table with lots of chairs filling up the empty spaces.

"Have a seat right here." He points to a chair next to the biggest chair in the room.

I sit down and wait for them to start asking questions. The men settle down in their seats and finally look at me.

"I assume you've read our email considering you're here right now?" The man in the big chair asks.

"Yes, I have. I'm here to verbally accept your offer to work as a manager for seventeen." I say.

"That's wonderful. Here we have your resume, I took a quick look at it and I truly believe you are perfect for this job."

"Thank you sir."

"It says here that you have managed for an idol group previously correct?"

"Yes, I have."

"It's nice to hear you won't need that much time to get in action."

I stifle a laugh due to the tense air.

"Well anyways, Are you able to start today? Seventeen is supposed to be recording a GOING Seventeen episode today and we'll need someone to manage them."

"Of course!"

"Great. I'll have you formally introduce yourself in a bit. Go head up to their practice room on floor four. They should be there right now. I'll send them a notice that you'll be arriving."

"Alright. Thank you sir. I'll be on my way now." I grin and get up from my seat to leave the room.

After closing the door, I let out a sigh. The tense air really made me struggle to breathe. At least I secured the job before I said anything weird. I walk back to the elevator and press the upwards arrow. The elevator dings and I see a man inside.

"Hi! I don't think I've seen you here before. My name is Seungkwan." He holds out his hand.

"Hello, my name is Y/N." I shake his hand. "And uh... I'm your new manager."

He pauses for moment, staring at me.

"Oh good! We've been needing one since our last one got sick and had to quit. Which floor are you headed to by the way?"

"Floor four. I was on the way to properly introduce myself to you guys in your practice room. The head manager said he'd send a notice to you guys."

"Ohhh that's what that was? Well anyways It's nice to meet you." He says while punching in the number four.

"It's nice to meet you too." I say.

The elevator dings and Seungkwan and I step out of the elevator to head towards the practice room. Loud music could be heard throughout the entire hallway. We finally reach the door to the practice room and Seungkwan stops me.

"Could you wait out here for a second? I'll let the guys know that you're here so that they could get themselves ready."

"Sure."

He opens the door and walks in closing it immediately. I could hear faint talking which was quickly taken over by the sound of sneakers. The door then opens shortly after and Seungkwan pops his head out.

"Come on in!" He grins while opening the door wider.

I slowly walk in to be greeted by 12 other men. A barrage of greetings came my way as I walked towards them. I returned the greetings and finally had a good look at all 13 of them. While I was scanning each of them, one of them caught my eye. He looked familiar. It was the same guy that ignored me earlier!

"I have a quick question." I say glaring at the inconsiderate guy.

Vernon:

"By the way guys, the head manager said that we'd be filming a GOING Seventeen episode today." S.Coups announces during a break from practicing.

I give him a nod and head to the water station in the practice room. After pulling out a white cup from the stack and setting it under the faucet, I notice that there wasn't any water inside the jug.

"Seriously?" I say to myself.

"What happened?" Jun asks.

"There isn't anymore water so I'm gonna have to go all the way down floor 2 to get a drink."

I put back the cup on the stack and exit the practice room. After pressing the button with a number two on it, I walk inside the elevator. My song "2 Minus 1" is quietly playing inside the elevator. While humming along to the song, I exit the elevator and head towards the nearest water station on the second floor. Once I finally reach the station, I quickly grab a cup and fill it to the brim with water. I empty the water into my mouth and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. After trashing the cup, I make my way back to the practice room. The elevator dings and I see a woman standing inside. I give her a quick glance and enter the elevator.

"Hello. Which floor are you headed to?" She asks.

None of your business. I'm already irritated from getting a couple moves wrong during practice, so I don't feel like answering anyone's questions let alone someone I've just met. I just move in front of the buttons and punch in the button with the number four on it. I hear her mumble something under her breath, but I pay no attention to it as I've already tuned her out. The doors open with a ring and I shuffle out of the elevator and walk to my practice room.

"Hey guys, are we going to continue or are we waiting on someone?" I ask while opening the door.

"Oh, Seungkwan is currently out right now. We'll start back up when he gets here." Hoshi answers.

Five minutes later, the door opens and Seungkwan appears.

"Okay, get together guys we finally have a new manager. She's right outside and waiting to introduce herself to us." He says.

We all nod and get in a group. Seungkwan opens the door to reveal a woman who looks very familiar. It's like I've seen her somewhere before. All of the other members proceed to introduce themselves while I'm deep in thought.

"I have a quick question." She says while staring at me.

"I don't think I caught your name." She points out.

"Oh! Um... It's Vernon." I say reluctantly.

"Oh I remember why you looked so familiar!" She puts a finger in the air.

 "Care to explain why you ignored me earlier in the elevator?" She tilts her head.

The other members all look at me. Each of them sporting a confused look on their faces. I quickly glance at each other and open my mouth to say something. But nothing comes out. My ears turn red and my brows scrunch. How dare she embarrass me in front of my members!

"U-um.. I'm sorry for him, I think he's having a rough day. A couple mistakes during practice you know?" S.Coups grins trying to cover for me.

The other members nod their heads and change the topic.

"Shouldn't we head out soon? We have an episode to record today." She says while checking her phone.

Everyone collectively agrees and leaves me standing alone in the practice room. I head over to my bag in the corner of the room.

"I swear she's out to get me." I say while picking up my bag.

"I'll get her back." I say while walking out the practice room.

Y/N:

"CUT! That marks the end of our filming today. Great work guys." The director says through a megaphone.

This episode was all about water sports so each of the members were decked out in swimming gear. I felt good about today. Being able to help on set of a GOING Seventeen episode is new to me but it seems as if I did a good job. 

"Y/N! Could you come here for a second?" Vernon yells.

I look away from the director and to him. A confused expression wipes away my previous smile.

"Oh. Uh sure." I yell back.

I treads over to me and he give me a quick smile.

"Isn't such a beautiful day?" I says while staring at the sky.

"You're right. It is a beautiful day." He says back.

I stood still analyzing each of the different clouds and colors in the now sun-setting sky. It was so pretty it captivated me. Then it was oddly silent. It felt as if Vernon disappeared and I was left there. I turn my head around to see if anyone was still there.

"Hello?" I say while looking for another person.

Then suddenly I feel a push behind my back. There was a strong wind and then a cold temperature engulfed my body. All I could see were plants and a clear turquoise liquid. Then it hit me. I was underwater. Bubbles quickly rushed upwards as I frantically tried to reach the surface. I flailed my arms and legs to try to push myself upwards, but my position remained the same. In a final attempt I extend my arm as far as I could to at least give a signal that I was drowning. My vision started to blur and by this time, I lost too much air. This was it. I'm going to die here.

---

A bright light slipped into the crack of my eyelids. I look around the room. The place was neatly decorated and I was laid on a couch. Memories flooded my brain. I was never taught how to swim, so drowning was always one of my greatest fears. I looked at my body. Someone changed my clothes. I'm in a big t-shirt and shorts, my heels at the bottom of the couch. I get up from the couch and find a mirror in a hallway. My hair is damp and tousled and my makeup is completely ruined. I put my hands on my arms and turn around to check my phone. As I walk towards the couch I hear something.

A deep voice came from outside, "how was I supposed to know she couldn't swim? It was supposed to be a harmless prank."

"Harmless prank or not, it still put her life in danger. I hope you realize that being rude doesn't get you anywhere." Another voice answers.

I storm outside, frustrated that Vernon pushed me and thinks that this was just some 'harmless prank'. Once I get through the door, I see him. Vernon. He's talking to S.Coups with a pained expression.

"What the hell was that for huh? Who thinks that it's a good idea to just push someone into a body of water?" I yell.

He looks at me a little shocked, "Look, I'm sorry I didn't mean to-."

"I don't wanna hear some half-assed apology! You almost got me killed and all you can say is 'look, I'm sorry'?" I raise my voice.

"Well then what DO you want to hear? At least I'm apologizing no?" He crosses his arms.

My face flushed. I didn't exactly know what I wanted to hear. It's as if nothing he could say would make me forgive him. He stared at me. Waiting for an answer.

"Look guys, that's enough. You both need some time apart. Y/N I'll talk to Vernon and make sure we get this whole situation figured out." S.Coups says.

"No, I think that she shouldn't be so-." Vernon says before getting his mouth covered and dragged away by S.Coups.

I glare at Vernon as he's being pushed away. How could he? What did I ever do to him? These are questions that I need desperately answered.

i hate this idk if i wanna finish this

[stevetonyweekly]

SteveTony Weekly - July 30

 Hi friends!! So someone (hi @till-i-get-back-punk )  commented on last week’s bonus rec list, surprised that I’m @areiton​ so--as a reminder, your friendly neighborhood rec curator is indeed arei! I started the STW because I love reading and was running out of fic recs and occasionally that’s still true---so always feel free to send me new things to read via asks. I don’t do requested rec lists often, mostly because I’m crazy busy, but I’ve been thinking of a series of mini-lists for the holiday season--more on that later. 

Now on to this week’s list--as always, remember to share the love--comment/kudo if you’re enjoying the fic! 

~*~ 

poor flesh and fluttering hearts by deathsweetqueen

Steve blushes so adorably when Tony walks into the kitchen, staring down at the plate of pancakes that he made for himself and the rest of the team.

His brown wings, the colour of burnt umber, shake out before folding around his broad form.

For a moment, Tony is confused and then, he looks down at himself, noticing the way he strode into the kitchen in just a pair of silk boxers, arc reactor and shiny red scars on vivid display.

He shifts uneasily on his feet and immediately hates himself for the action.

Why should he feel so awkward, so self-conscious just because perfect fucking Captain America finds him an absolute mess of a person?

The Way of Things by Sineala

The Avengers have been around a long time, and they have a lot of traditions. But when Steve finds out that the team has a tradition he's never been informed of, he learns that there's something Tony hasn't been telling him, either.

Fixer-Upper by imafriendlydalek

Tony leads the way up the steps to the house, and as the door swings open with a long creaking sound - note to self: oil door hinges - Steve’s eyes widen. He steps inside, turns slowly on his own axis as he looks around.

“Tony, this place, it’s…” There’s a sense of wonder in his voice. Tony smiles inwardly. It is just the kind of thing Steve would like. Steve, who has a keen appreciation for fine aesthetics, who has a healthy - okay, sometimes more than healthy - sense of history and an acute desire to preserve things he deems worthy.

“This place is a dump.”

Well, so much for that, then. Tony shifts his weight to one leg as he takes an appraising look. “It’s a bit of a fixer-upper, yeah, I’ll give you that, but it’s not past saving. Just needs some TLC.”

Steve uncrosses his arms and shoves his hands in the pockets of his pants. “Well listen, you ever want an extra set of hands with some of the work, just give me a call.”

Big Boy Toys by extantecstasy

Steve finally gets fed up with Tony’s juvenile pranks. When Tony models for a sex toy, Steve seizes the opportunity. Or, it seizes him.

Glitch by iam93percentstardust

And I'm not even sorry, nights are so starry

Blood moonlit

It must be counterfeit

I think there's been a glitch, oh, yeah

~

“Ms. Potts, my name is Steve Rogers, and I’m Justin Hammer’s roommate," Steve says.

“Oh, what does that asshole want now?” she asks.

“I don’t think he wants anything—except to make a quick buck and ruin Mr. Stark’s reputation.”

Trust Fall by Sineala

Tony needs someone who cares about him, bandages, a jacket, ibuprofen, dinner, a lasting romantic relationship, a nice time in bed, and assistance committing federal crimes. He gets them. In that order.

Tony Stark vs. the Heteronormative Agenda by sweatervest

Nat leans her hip against the table and folds her arms. “Short of making out in public, I don’t think anyone will make the jump to ‘they’re dating.’”

Steve glances at her and then over at Tony.

Nat follows Steve’s gaze. “You did make out in public.”

“Steve never got his Time’s Square victory kiss,” Tony protests.

--

Or, five times the general public was determined to believe Steve Rogers and Tony Stark were just close friends, and the time Tony made sure they knew otherwise.

through thick and thin by earliebirb

“We should break up,” Tony declares, gazing out of the floor-to-ceiling window of their bedroom. The colorful twinkle of lights of the New York City nightlife is truly a mesmerizing view.

“Why?”

“I don’t love you anymore.”

Steve scoffs, utterly unfazed.

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? by ceealaina

Steve’s going to ask Tony out for New Year’s Eve. Really. He absolutely means it this time. He just... has to work up the nerve.

The Emperor's New Clothes by Captain_Panda

No, Tony wasn't "flirting with him."

Tony was trying to drive him crazy. Steve Rogers would not stand for it.

Honey, I Can See The Stars by twentysomething 

"The most he'd ever cared about anything remotely related was his uniform, which, beyond the stylistic, was pretty necessary. But now his suit comes from a lab far more advanced than the basement of a Brooklyn antique shop, and the only decision he really gets to make is if his pants are too tight. (They were, but he doesn't really think they changed them. He doesn't know why, but he thinks that might have been on purpose.) That being said, he doesn't know what he's done to deserve the double take Tony gives him as he walks in the room."

The Most Amazing Things (Some Terrible Lie) by copperbadge

Tony's decision not to reveal his identity as Iron Man to the world was shrewd and calculated. Too bad it's about to backfire on him like a Jericho missile.

It Started with Two Men by Missy_dee811 for tarialdarion

Steve remembers and confronts Tony but there's more to Tony's confession than Steve had ever thought possible:

“Tony, I –”

Tony cut him off with the wave of a hand. “Why can’t you understand that everything I do, I do for you?” He was sobbing now into his hands, covered in blood. It was jarring to see Tony like this. Steve didn’t know how to respond. This didn’t go as planned, he thought to himself. He hadn’t expected a heartfelt confession. In truth, he had expected more lies, more deceit. He felt like the world’s greatest asshole for using his best friend as a punching bag.

Make It Clap by shetlandowl

Steve is a sophomore at BU and Tony is finishing his graduate degree at MIT when they begin their relationship. This story is told as 31 snapshots from their first two years together. The story is told in sequential order, though not always in sequence (i.e., some chapters capture events only hours apart, while some chapters are from events weeks or months apart).

Ice Ice Baby (The Hockey Fic) by youcancallmearrow

Tony Stark is a star center, sidelined by a slip in sobriety. Steve Rogers is a goalie, suspended for a punch thrown off the ice.

When the two meet, they're trying to get their lives back on track, both off and on the ice. It turns out, the saying is true: A burden shared is a burdened halved. At least until Howard Stark gets involved.

(A get together fic full of fluff, supportive friends, dad Rhodey, and hockey! But if you know nothing about hockey, you'll be fine, because neither does the author.)

Tonight we're gonna make it all come true by gottalovev

Steve Rogers is one of the best players in college football and is ready to prove it. The road towards becoming a professional football player? Is totally crazy. Falling in love with Tony Stark, the young quarterback from Stanford, may be even more life changing.

i don't have a choice (but i'd still choose you). by frostfall

There’s a name inked onto his chest, a name written in an all-too familiar scrawl. And it’s— It’s—

Steve doesn’t realize his body is quaking until he’s tracing the tattoo with a shaky finger.

Because of course that is the name etched into the skin. Like a brand, a reminder for everything he has done. An appropriate retribution.

Anthony Edward Stark.

(When Thanos snaps half of the universe away, he unknowingly leaves the other half with soulmarks.)

[eldrichfuck666]

📩 Simblr question of the day: Do you have any blogs that make your day when they post? Mention them! Tell us why you like them!

God, nonnie, I'm always so happy to see you here 🥺💗 Just know that I love you so so muuuuch, AND YOU MAKE MY DAY! :') regardless of who you are, nonnie, I love you because you're so wholesome and just- this whole thing with simblr question of the day is such a beautiful thing for connecting people and in general, it always feel so nice to know more about fellow simblr people :') You're so cute and you deserve all the the love in the world!

I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH TO MENTION, but basically all of my dash, my amazing mutuals, but I'll try to tag some people! :') AND PLEASE KNOW that if I didn't tag I didn't mean anything bad or just.. I always forget urls 😭 and tumblr won't let be tag all of you, but in general: you're amazing and loved by me if you're reading this now. Just by it's only fact, okay?? 💞🥺 I love you!!

@pralinesims - EVAN GOD YOU'RE SUCH A NICE PERSON AND SUCH A GOOD CONTENT CREATOR AND YOUR EDITS ARE JUST- AHHH I love your story, I love your ocs (esp Aaron & Luca!!), I love your cc content and I love how you write. And I also think that you're an amazing and just... probably sweetest person I've met on tumblr & your support and just... you make me feel so happy :') I hope that you don't forget to rest, and I hope you're doing well!! I love you so so muuuuch! :')

@birdietrait - I think that you seriously are a really talented person! You've been creating such diverse and interesting sims, and your simstyle just... it's more than beautiful and every single sim of yours gives me so much feelings, and I feel like falling in love with every single one. You're also so good at building and decorating, and just.. you're so kind ahhh 🥺💗 Every single interaction with you makes me smile and you're just.. you deserve all the love in the worlds, Birdie. Please know that I'm virtually hugging you & always think about you when I login to Tumblr. I love you!!

@crsentfairy - your male sims and just sims are so worth logging in this hellsite, too! Just everything you do have such unique style & just.. You're also such a cutie!! 🥺💗💗 I was so afraid to interact, but you're truly one of the most awesome, caring people that I've met, because you're always so supportive. AND ALSO I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ALWAYS DO IT BUT- when you post new sims, I can't help but stare at them for some time to see more little details you've left. I'm in love with your aesthetic! ❤ When you post - I'm the happiest person ever, and I truly apologize for missing so much posts. But please know, that your posts are amazing and I love you.

@wildmelon - your simstyle is what I was inspired by, and just- I wish I had such as stunning simstyle 🥺 You're my inspiration to improve and make more new sims, and also, I just.. I have my notifications turned on for you! :') But I still miss a lot of posts (and I hate doing that, but I can't help it), and you need to know that you're an amazing simblr 🥺💗💗 You make this community so much brighter ;') and I just.. I love you, okay??

@silentsundown - your writing skills are so impressive and your Strangerville story is really, really catchy! I can't wait to read your story posts, because honesty they're just SO GOOOD and I love noticing the details in them. I love the way you write characters and just.. you made me so interested in Strangerville lore and just in general, in that world I never really played and explored. And you've opened it to me from such an interesting side 🥺 You're an amazing writer! :') And I also adore your personality 💗💗 I love you!!

@lucidicer - when I first saw your edits, I was SHOCKED at the quality and details and the way you just do everything! I still sometimes come back and just scroll though your simblr, because there's so much gems ahhh 🥺💗 I just love everything you do. It... it feels more like true art, to be honest. It's so authentic, and just.. AHH YOUR VISION! Your creativity, vision and just the quality and the amount of effort.. I love you. And I love everything you post! :') Thank you for bringing so much beauty to my dash & for being such adorable person! 💗

@salemssimblr - GOD I'M SORRY FOR THIS BEING THE FIRST THING I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT BUT.. When I first came across your simblr, I couldn't understand if it's really a TS4, because your blender skills are just so amazing and you- At first I was so scared to interact with you 😭😭 And I apologize for that! I'M STUPID I KNOW but just.. Your renders give me that... Stendhal syndrome feeling, that type of overwhelming when you look at the art THIS beautiful and just can't comprehend it, understand how it's possible and just.. EVERY TIME YOU POST MY JAW DROPPED AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT FOR SURE SKSKSK because that's truly.. I don't have an english word for that, but the "hauntingly beautiful" is the closest thing. I just- Also, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR STYLE and the vibes I'm getting and just.. your renders are full of emotions. And the way I can feel them though the screen is incredible! I don't know how you do it, perhaps you're a magician, but you have such beautiful vision & the way you express it and make such meaningful things... And also, you MADE ME LEARN BLENDER MORE!! :') You made me think of doing more renders and despite of the fear of the failure, go and try again. You're such an inspiration for me and I also need to mention that I adore your personality. 🥺🥺 You're so caring and sweet and so supportive- I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AHHH I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE MUTUALS

@warmsol - it doesn't matter what you're posting, because the only fact of you posting is what makes me want to not leave simblr yet. Your whole simblr is what gives me so much of a mood boost, although I'm a complete opposite to the things you make — I hate sun with a passion, I'm afraid of nature, but somehow.. your bright, enchanting, sunny edits and builds always make me feel alive. It means so much for me, because I can feel the nature though your posts — despite feeling incomprehensible fear of if. You make me want to feel the sun on my skin, you make me want to go outside and feel it all, despite you already do - because I can feel it just by looking at your beautiful edits. Your edits are like... fresh, playful, warm summer wind that shakes the leaves on the trees making them appear as a gentle silhouettes of sun on the wall. I know, my english is quite confusing, but I think you'll understand what I mean. You make me feel alive. And I can't.. I can't stop myself from saying it, because I often don't feel it, but your simblr is something else. 💗 I can write essays on your edits, on every single detail that I can't help but keep catching with my eye. I love you :') 💗💗💗 Thank you for making it worth to stay here.

@kashisun - firstly, I'd say that your posts are all so beautiful, and your simstyle is something that always inspires me. Your gameplay posts are also filled with such amazing things and details, and god, they're simply so adorable! And about your sims — i, again, have no idea how it's possible to create so much different, interesting sims. That's sure is a true talent 🥺💗 And the way I was able to even find myself in some of them is ahhh I HOPE YOU KNOW IT MEANS EVERYTHING FOR ME OKAY?? Also, I still can't forget the African King & Queen posts, and also Sailor Moon one! 💗💗 I don't what I'm saying here, but I'll remener them forever because these sims just...my brain can't help but think about them, sjkss. I hope you know that I truly love! And I love your simstyle, and I love everything you do and post 🥺💗💗💗💗 I LOVE YOU!! :') Your renders are also so amazing and ahhh you're so good at EVERYTHING!! 💖💖

@isthisdesire98 - you're one of my first mutuals on this website, and god, since the day we became mutuals I couldn't help but fall in love with your simstyle & just basically everything you do, because your aesthetic & music taste is something to die for. Your love for Ghost IS JUST AHHHHH GOD!! It's always so good to see your Ghost renders, and just in general, your renders, on my dash 🥺💗 Also! Your edits are beautiful and your sims are just chef's kiss! I LOVE YOUR AESTHETIC SO MUCH IT'S SO GOTHIC AND DARK AND I JUST- AHHHH I don't know how to emotionally express it in any different language than Russian, but- I love it so so much! And the moment you started making renders I just.. I DIED FROM MY OWN HORNINESS EVERY SINGLE TIME AND I'M ASHAMED TO ADMIT BUT I HAVE TO LMAO SKSKSKS

@damseljamsel - Rosa's story is a really, really interesting one and I'm so glad that I've found your simblr because I love the way you describe everything in your story & I LOVE ROSA SO SO MUCH and I hope that ending won't be too sad ssksks but anyways, I always can't wait for your next story posts because god they're so interesting and I also love the edits your attach to them! :') I love your screenies so much and I love Rosa and I love your writing because god, the way Rosa's writing a diary is so believable and lively! 💖 I read your story even when I have no energy, because the format is so good and I just can't help but read because again i can't wait skskss SO YEAH I love you so so muuuuch! 🥺💗💗

@2013trait - you're always so supportive of other people and just- I hope that you know that you deserve as much love too! :') AND GOD YOUR POSTS MAKE ME SO HAPPY BECAUSE when you post you sims I just- I basically go crazy because your simstyle is so good 🥺💖 And I love the details and I love how unique they're! :") You deserve all the love in the world, and I hope you know that I think of you! 💗💗 I love you, I love your sims and also, your personality!! 💖💖 I hope you're doing well!

@alinelie - GOD YOU'RE SUCH A TALENTED AND SKILLED BUILDER AND GOD- THE HANNIBAL AMBIENCE IN YOUR EDITS IS SO INTENSE THAT I SOMETIMES NEED TO IMMEDIATELY LISTEN TO LOVE CRIME AFTERWARDS Like?? AND GOD- your male sims are the ones I will always be ready to die for! Especially Graham Ventura, I just- I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM. AND REALLY, that melancholic ambience in your screenies and decoration is just always so noticeable, and I can almost smell the cigarettes in the air, as well as that old books smell. You make me feel like I'm watching a movie, or like I'm a ghost walking around, breathing the air and just in general, being there as if being some kind of invisible present. AND GOD I want to live in your edits, pls, I want to be the ghost that haunts the mansion PLEASE LET ME 👁️👁️👁️ And! I love you! I hope you're doing well and PLEASE REMEMBER THAT I'll be praying for you and your exams :") I hope everything will be amazing for you & i wish you the best with this & in general!! 💗💖💖 And please remember to rest! :'> Sending you so much virtual hugs and support, I believe in you 🥺💕💕

@lotuso3o - NOW WHERE DO I FUCKING START BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH AHHH actually! Your sims are my crushes and I don't deserve any of them skksks but anyways, when I look at them I just adore! 💗💗 Your sims are so stylish and god they're all so cute 🥺 I love your simstyle & I love the atmosphere that I feel when I go to your simblr, like IT'S SO SOFT and I'm not a person to like soft things, but your content is amazing and that's all you need to know! :') I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUUUUUUU 👁️💖💖💖 thank you for the adorable sims and screenies and everything on my dash, I truly love your posts so much! 💕 HUGGING YOU BECAUSE YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING BEST AND JUST- virtual hugs is all I can give but still sskskks I love you!!!

@nihilismtrcit FIRST OF ALL, you're a wonderful person and you deserve so muuuuch love! 🥺💖 I don't usually just love the gameplay or anything like that, but yours is just amazing and I love seeing your gameplay posts, because LISTEN they're full of this warm atmosphere and the love that I can feel though the screen and it's just so amazing! 💗💗 I also genuinely think that you're such a wholesome and caring person and god 🥺 You're always so kind to me and I don't deserve such kindness, but please know that you're soooo appreciated & loved by me! 💕 I love your posts and your simblr, because it's full of that warmth and that feeling that's so close to feeling like home, and god, also- FOR SOME REASON I can't help but accociate your simblr with Hozier (maybe because he's one of my favorite musicians and you're one of my favorite simblrs?? WHO KNOWS SKSKS), because god- your aesthetic is simply amazing, ahhh, I love you so much! 💗💗 And I hope you're doing really well, because you only deserve LOVE! so much love you can't even imagine how much!! 💖💖 Thank you for being such amazing person and for making your simblr such a warm and homely place 🥺💕💕 I love coming back to your blog because it makes me feel so happy!!

@noeyinthemist - I may repeat myself here or annoy you probably even more than I already did and it's probably going to be really long, but I can't stop myself from expressing everything that you single handedly made me feel, although I haven't interacted much and probably missed so much of your posts, BUT I STILL WILL SAY IT REGARDLESS SKSKS! Your whole simblr is a definition of "magic", because it gives me a pure magic feeling, like I'm reading an old fairytale, which is already very impressive & amazing, because this is such a rare feeling for me to feel (if it makes sense!), but just- your posts are magical, they're just truly are like illustrations from an old fairytale book, that is secretly is a portal to that fairytale. I can't explain it properly in English and be as emotional as in Russian & German, for which I really apologize, but still! Your posts are like a portal to a magical world for me 💗 Your simstyle is adorable, but I want to talk about your cluttering and building skills first, because that's something I know I will never be able to do. Your builds are full of a beautiful details, they're like... like something from a paintings, your interiors are something I truly can't stop staring at and being jealous (but in a good meaning!!!) about, because that's, ahhh, I feel like watching a Ghibli movie 🥺💕 Also, the love you put into everything you do truly amazes me, from the cluttering and creating sims, to editing — this is something that seems so impossible to me. You've been such an inspiration for me since I started following your simblr. You're amazing in everything you do. 💖 And I love you so so muuuuch! I hope you're doing well, and I hope life will treat you the best way possible! 💗💗 I'm sending you so much love ;') And virtual hugs, if you don't mind! 🥺💕💕 I love your simblr & your personality! 💖💖 Thank you for bringing so much awesomeness and magic to my dash. You make my day, truly, every single time I see you on my dash - and every single time you leave me amazed and literally in awe, because I really... I really don't understand how it's possible to do something so beautiful. 💞 You're- you're also such a beautiful and kind soul, ahh, I love you so much! 🥺💗💗 Thank you for making my days much, much better with your posts! You can't imagine how grateful I am for this 💖💖💖

@void-imp - I WAS SO SCARED TO INTERACT WITH YOU GOD TO THE POINT WHERE I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IT WAS LIKE THAT SKKSKSS but you turned out to be so soooo cute and amazing, ahh! 🥺💖 You're always so supportive and kind to me, but since the ask was about posting, I'll say this: your renders and edits are a really great examples of the way digital art should be in galleries, and should be worshipped :') Forgive me my poor english, but! I truly think that your edits are just- they have such a special feeling to it. And the effort is, believe me, very visible and noticeable! Also, your OCs and the way you write about them 🥺🥺 Your writing is incredible and I can't get enough of your posts, so I'm always so so happy to see your new posts & I'm sorry for missing so much of them T^T But still, I think about your simblr when I log in, and it actually says a lot! And to be honest, I love every single OC of yours, BUT ESPECIALLY ECHO GOD- Echo is amazing I love her I love her I love her!! 💖💖💖 I love your every OC and I can't express how happy I feel when you post them or answer OC asks, ahh! :') I love youuuu! And I hope you're doing well, too! Please remember that I love you 💗🥺 And! Jag skäms för att erkänna att jag nästan glömde Svenska, så jag måste träna här. Jag gillar verkligen din blogg, och jag tror verkligen att du är en begåvad författare! Och jag skickar också en otrolig mängd kärlek och virtuella kramar. Tack för allt du gör! 💗💗💗💗

@helltrait - The way you create characters still amazes me, because I know for sure that I recognize your style even from thousands - I really like it very much and I apologize for my laconism here, because I'm still a little shy, but my God, you have insanely beautiful sims! 🥺💖 I love your simstyle & I love YOUR RENDERS YOUR RENDERS ARE AMAZING AHHH and just- I KNOW I SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD BUT- I'm horny and I apologize skkss and also! I love your OCs, and I'm always so happy when you post 🥺💗💗 Your simblr is amazing :') And I love you!! I love you so so much! :')

@cinamun - I'm a bit scared to write it, but honestly, when I first came across your simblr, I just- I almost binge read your story, but to my own shame, I still haven't done it, but still! From what I've seen, you're an amazing writer and storyteller and I can't imagine how much effort you put into your posts, because the editing, the posing and everything- it probably takes so much time, but also, your writing is one of the most amazing I've seen. You completely broke me with the last story posts of yours, but in the best way — AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNEW THE CHARACTERS IN THEM! I just came across them and randomly seen, and still, it just- it made me feel so much sadness and overwhelming feeling of helplessness, it's just amazing how much talent you have to make someone who never seen the characters in that story post, cry from the emotions and immediate attachment. I can't explain it, but it just- I feel like it's such a rare talent that you have, and everything about it is so impressive and just amazing. You make my day with your story posts by ruining it skkskss 😭 But! I'm saying it in a best way, okayyy?? 🥺💖 I just- I wanted to say that I truly love your characters & story, and I know that I haven't fully read it yet, but when I will - I for sure know that I'll be even more crushed by it. Thank you for all the emotions I've felt 💕 You're such an amazing storyteller, oh my god.. You're- and you're also an amazing person. 💗 I hope you're doing well!! I love you 🥺💖

@rottengurlz - WHEN YOU POST NEW SIM I FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM IMMEDIATELY and I just AND I KEEP THINKING ABOUT YOUR SIMS SOMETIMES and just- I love your simstyle, your sims are just so stunning and honestly they have every fucking right to kill me or even to bury me alive because they're all so- SO HOT I'M SORRY BUT THEY'RE REALLY HOT!! And I love their styles, ahh, 🥺 and honestly, even if it sounds really stupid, sometimes I'm even too shy to look at your sims again because THEY MAKE ME BLUSH DO YOU UNDERSTAND?? And I love you. I love you!!! 💞😭😭😭😭 Thank you for making me turn into a tomato every time you post! 💗💗 I LOVE YOU SO SO MUUUUCH I LOVE YOUR SIMS!!!

@puppycheesecake - your simblr is one of my favorites, definitely, because your simstyle is gorgeous and god god god AHH I love your sims so so muuuuch! And I love that you post so much occults, because it's really not that often that I see mainly occults on simblrs, just- the fact that you make so much stunning occult sims with unique styles and personalities in them is just- I'M AMAZED WOW LIKE- 🥺 how is it even possible to make such beautiful sims??? And I need to also thank you for making lookbooks with links, because I'm always in constant search for good occult cc and your simblr is just- I imagine how much time it takes you, and I want to tell you that I really appreciate it! Because that's truly is a lot of effort and god 🥺💞 If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't find that much beautiful occult cc creators! AND ALSO just every time you post my heart is beating faster 💖 Thank you so much for everything you bring to my dash, for your beautiful occults because it's always a joy to see such amazing simstyle and OCCULTS! 💗💗

@celestos - I have so much to say about your posts and your simblr in general, but I honestly don't have really much energy (pls forgive me!), but I'd say that your simblr's aesthetic is truly so amazing 🥺💞 I always find myself looking at your posts again and again because of the atmosphere captured in them, because of that homely feeling and warmth it gives me. Especially your gameplay posts! They're like gentle sunbeams :') I can't explain it, but I love the how cozy they are! And god I adore your sims! 💗💗 I love you so so much! :') And I want to point out that your simblr feels like home to me, which is already a lot. And I'm so so thankful for feeling it 💖💖 I LOVE YOU & I LOVE YOUR SIMBLR 💕 I hope you're doing well!!!

[ladytauria]

oooooh for the made up title game, "gotham blues"?

thank you sm for the ask!!

ahhhh

my brain keeps reading that as “gotham city blues” but regardless!!! i’m picturing a 20s/30s era wip. jazz age, prohibition, flappers, rise of the mafia, early hollywood…

as a general note i think it would be more like… aesthetic than strictly historically accurate, as there would be some topics i wouldn’t be comfy handling / including. (altho maybe not glossing over entirely??)

was just talking with @deepwithintheabyss abt a new money jay (in a different context but) which. finally gave me the insp to figure out exactly what i wanted for this lmao

i’m a little split between jaytim & jaysteph for this—working in a throuple could be really cool. i’m thinking jason is ofc from the park row area. it’s being hit hard by the rise in crime; his parents having been middle class but poverty hitting them when his mom gets sick / his dad gets fired, or in debt to the wrong people. jason’s life is turned upside down as a kid, watching his dad fall deeper & deeper into crime. at first he was determined not to follow the same path but as he gets older, he gets more jaded, and much like in canon decides to stop crime by controlling it.

steph is a flapper—heavily involved in feminist circles, rebelling against the life she was raised for. her father is maybe an early actor, though he falls out of grace for,,, idk, reasons. her mother got hooked on drugs in part due to the stars & producers they hung out with. anyway, steph is determined to make something of herself.

tim—

i think the drakes are newish money, so there’s some stigma among the rest of high society. he never wanted to take over his parent’s business, despite his razor sharp mind, but when they die in a tragic accident he has no choice. his paths cross with both steph & jay.

jay is pro-feminism from the start i think; tim has some stuff to unlearn. bit of conflict there, but they manage to work through it. i’m picturing them somehow all getting tangled up together.

maybe,,,

jason is trying to unseat black mask or penguin or joker or—someone from the top seat. or. okay, maybe that’s ambitious, so let’s just go with black mask. black mask isn’t the ~top~ criminal in the city but he’s up there, and he’s jason’s first target now that he’s got his own following. sionis is competing with drake industries and viewed tim as a non-issue, figuring DI would dissolve after janet & jack died, so he arranged their deaths. tim discovers this during some digging, because he has a bad feeling about their deaths.

steph is tangled up in it too—her own vendetta with mask maybe, or mask being obsessed with her somehow? or maybe she’s just. guilty by association ig, and once she learns what’s going on ends up involved despite herself.

i’m not sure how i would / if i would work in the others; it would maybe come up as needed?

but yeah, basically a very… noir (?) type tale of intrigue & danger & love that isn’t a the best of ideas but is irresistible nonetheless.

would have a happy ending / happy for now ending tho bc i’m a sucker

[ send me a made up title & i’ll tell you what kind of fic i’d write for it ]

[tarisilmarwen]

Ahsoka: "Master and Apprentice" & "Toil and Trouble" Liveblog

Let's GOOOOOOOOOOOO! :D

We've added Marrok and Hyuang and one of the mercenaries and Chopper and Sabine to the opening character swivels, nice.

Digging this drum cue.

And we get an opening crawl! Nice.

Hilariously this bridge sequence feels more Star Trek than Star Wars.

Good for this captain he's very suspicious.

Hi Baylan! Hi Shin!

Aaaaaaaand they all dead.

All right, well thus far I can say I definitely like Baylan's heavy forceful presence and Shin's near feral nimbleness and speed.

Also digging the general Black Knight feel of Baylan, when he calls her "Lady Morgan" here.

Definitely feeling Zeffo vibes off this temple here.

Aligning the pedestals to light up each of the map icons definitely feels like it'd be a perfect JFO minigame lol.

That... is a Treasure Planet map.

Love how these droids move.

Welp, they blew up quite a bit of the ruins.

HEEEEERRAAAAAAAAAA! :D

Oh and she does have the lekku markings, nice.

I'm sorry, lol, the height difference is gonna bug me, Ahsoka with her large montrals was like... one of the tallest characters on the show and LA!Hera's got inches on her here it's unintentionally hilarious.

Makes LA!Ahsoka look like a shrimp.

This is a call to improve the alien makeup Disney, I'm sorry I will never not be disappointed in it.

My heart. :(((( Hera came to believe that Thrawn (and most likely Ezra too) died in the Liberation of Lothal. The quiet fearful hope on her face as she's holding this map.

"If Thrawn survived, does that mean Ezra--?"

FRICK I WAS NOT PREPARED.

And Lothal looks beautiful. *sniffles*

Hi Ryder!

And Jai Kell got to be Lothal's senator! SWEET.

BEAAAAAAAAN!

The camera shot that introduces her. *chef kiss*

Sabine being A MESS because she misses Ezra so much and she can't stand being at the dedication ceremony honoring him. :((((

There she goes to the tower.

KITTY!

SKRUNKLES MY LOVE!

We don't ever learn its name do we? Then I'm calling it Skrunkles.

OHHHHH I heard Sabine's theme! With the pan down to her stored armor.

The cat is really too cute, they did a fantastic job on it.

Ezra's theme playing too aaaaaaaand frick I'm dead.

"Hey Sabine! Sorry for disappearing on you." YOU HAD BETTER BE SORRY YOU LITTLE SHIT.

Ha ha now I understand all the weird Sabezra related asks I got over the weekend, y'all were trying to warn me.

Like I've said before, canon validation isn't my be all end all, I love these two and that's not gonna stop.

SORRY DAVE, I'VE BEEN ON THE HELL TRAIN TOO LONG, YOU CAN'T GET ME OFF NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.

Also? Eman is nailing this.

And there's the Nightsister reveal.

I'm slightly confused as to how and why Baylan knows that Ahsoka had Sabine as her apprentice.

Like, where to find Sabine, that's easy, obviously she's on Lothal, she's the local hero and protector.

But why does he know about Ahsoka's connection to her?

Anyway, Lothal still looks beautiful.

Bury me in Sabine having maybe prophetic nightmares and waking up gasping Ezra's name.

*weeps*

"Everyone was there." "Not everyone."

OW PAIN STABBING.

Natasha is killing it with this look like she's trying to hold back from crying.

They cut out the "It's been a while." line, huh. Interesting choice.

Oooooooo Sabine has doodles in one of the bunks on Ahsoka's ship!

This dialogue seems a bit redundant to the Hera-Ahsoka scene. Like, isn't this the same conversation she had with Hera?

I can't get over it, lol, it's literally a Treasure Planet map. Love it.

"The map stays here." You're going to turn around and Sabine's is gonna be GONE honey.

See, told ya. Lol.

Callbacks to Maul scenes from Phantom Menace, nice.

Skrunkles is adorable. I love him.

Ohhhhhh we are definitely exploring Ahsoka's lingering guilt over leaving the Order, leaving Anakin, before his Fall.

That design looks a bit like a Celtic knot. Maybe tying into the whole Authurian legend theme with some of the names and aesthetics?

WOAH OKAY HA HA EZRA GOT THRAWN WAAAAAAAAY MORE LOST THAN WE'D THOUGHT.

Sabine are you seriously planning to go off looking for Ezra by yourself?

You've got it baaaaaad girl.

Okay, glad they finally explained where the turbolift was in this thing lol.

Youuuuuuuu didn't need to lurk, Shin? Literally could have just taken the map and left?

Ho ho Shin grabbing the lightsaber in order to throw Sabine around.

Ooof that's gonna scar.

Soooooo was Shin just being Extra and wanting to fight another Jedi?

Bet that was it.

"For our friend, Ray" RIP good man. :(

Star charts credits nice!

These are gorgeous and I wanna study them so much more closely. I think there's a chimera? Some kind of worm thing.

PURRGIL!

The score is also excellent and I love Sabine's theme and Ezra's theme throughout.

Bet Sabine had to spend quite a while in a bacta tank. Good thing she got medical attention right away.

Corvus?

Seatos! Okay. And a "reflex point"? Color me intrigued.

Loth-kittes aww.

Ahsoka's looooong sigh when she sees that Sabine's been rewatching Ezra's holo, lol.

IS THAT A USB CORD? LOLOL.

A lovely little moment between Hera and SAbine here.

Nightsister ichor!

I am loving the star map.

"Thrawn calls to me... across time and space." Okay lady sure take a cold shower before your crush gets too hot okay.

So there are a LOOOOOT of plot McGuffins in this story thus far lol.

I'm sorry, Shin's actress is so dead I need her to emote more in her quiet scenes, simply being vicious and feral in fights isn't working.

The Phantom II looks so beautiful.

CHOPPER! HELLO MUDERBOT I MISSED YOU.

Oh wow we're actually exploring the fact that rebuilding the New Republic is messy and complicated and you can't just fire and/or jail a bunch of low level civilian machiners just because they worked on Imperial ships.

And we're ALSO getting some hard-handed slapping Ahsoka in the face with the fact that she's a mess and needs to deal with her mess.

"I see you still have your lightsaber." "Ezra's lightsaber."

AW FRICK THE WAY THAT CORRECTION GOT ME.

Filoni I love the messy prickly falling out between Ahsoka and Sabine but I would really like... ONE paragraph of exposition about why Sabine went to Ahsoka and asked to be trained, or however that happened.

I mean I know I can inference that she was desperate to feel closer to Kanan and Ezra and mourning them and trying to be the hero Lothal needed and worked up in her feelings about, "If Ezra's not here to be Lothal's Jedi I have to be." but the general audience might need some help.

OH GOSH THAT LITTLE SWALLOW AS SHE TAKES HER SABER AGAIN AND LOOKS AT IT.

So I'm confused is it that the New Republic was lazy and/or too trusting/too willing to give ex-Imperials another chance just to keep some kind of order and peace and infrastructure in place or are they just that bad at uncovering spies?

Because there is a good point that not everyone who worked for the machine of the Empire has to be rooted out and displaced from their jobs and livelihoods, that just builds resentment, makes it easier for the Imperial Remnant to gain support.

At the same time though I feel like this is tying into the general New Canon "The New Republic is incompetent." trend that I'm not a fan of.

Next setpiece yay!

Love Ahsoka using the droid as a body shield.

LOL CHOPPER.

Oh, have we remembered we need to clear atmosphere BEFORE jumping? Thanks that's great. SW been slacking on that.

Oh what? Oh this is new, hang on the bulleted lists have a character limit.

Where were we?

The new Chopper model is so much more expressive than the one they build before, it looks great. Very much like the cartoon.

SKRUNKLES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

And cue the Kanan parallel scene with Sabine.

OH FRICK THE SCENE AT THE MEMORIAL I'M NOT READY FOR THIS.

Gimme a minute.

Right so even if you don't ship them, their bond is hugely undeniable, they are in fact the Most Important People to each other, she misses him so much and she's been drowning in her grief about him.

Ngl the finger touch is still getting me.

"It's more me." Frick, how she's been hiding away from her true self, essentially cosplaying as Ezra because she thought that was what Lothal needed, and now she's struggling to understand who she is now.

MY GIRLS ARE MESSY AND EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED AND SO SO FLAWED AND I LOVE IT.

Oh what?

Are they building a hyperspace ring? A special one???

Oh OHHHHHH ARE THEY BUILDING A SUPER STARGATE EQUIVALENT?

(Reference, on the show Stargate SG-1 the plot revolves around a network of alien wormhole transportation devices called stargates, that connect to each other across the galaxy. But to connect to OTHER galaxies you either needed a plot device energy source called a ZPM or YOU HAD TO BUILD A REALLY REALLY BIG HUGE HONKING STARGATE.)

Ohhhhhhhhhhh they are MAKING A SHIP CAPABLE OF EXITING THE GALAXY I WAS RIGHT.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THAT WAS A RUSH.

I am very nicely happy with how things are unfolding, aside from a few nitpicks here and there about the worldbuilding and backstory that's been kept from us. (Ahsoka and Sabine's whole... everything.)

But it does not look like Sabine is Force Sensitive, which I'm glad about. I've seen a couple people salty about her being a Jedi and honestly between the two options of "Make her Sensitive and retcon large parts of Rebels" or "It's a new era, there are No More Rules, we can't be picky about who we take on as Jedi so sure let's have a non-Sensitive, Ahsoka maybe thought it was safer that way anyway", I know which one I'm picking.

The whole plot with the celestial navigation is fascinating. I need to study screencaps of the starmap and the end credits for clues because WOAH BOY DID I NOT EXPECT EXPANDING BEYOND THE GFFA.

Ezra baby come hoooooooooome. :(((( Your girl misses you.

Wew lad, I hope there are plenty of gifsets, 'cause Imma reblog 'em all.

[romanken]

Ok here are all my (spoilers!!!!!) tbosas thoughts ... Im seeing it again tomorrow so hopefully we will update

- I think I had the ideal viewing experience which is: read the book beforehand but long enough beforehand that I wasnt worried about any small changes but remembered enough to fill in any broader strokes with more detail 

- coriolanus's dad being named crassus. nut. 

- after snow kills the one tribute and he falls back over the turn gate and the "enjoy the show" automatic message plays... Was it probably too on the nose? Yes. Did it eat? Yes. 

- when burn gormann showed up on his sicko shit I screeched. Every adult in this movie was cast specifically for me 

- rachel zegler is a STARRRRR every tongue that rises against her shall fall

- for the first time in my life I became susceptible to callbacks and franchise references because the snow quote they played over the end had me GAGGEDDDDD 

- tom blyth serving: best teeth acting of 2023. Best shoulder muscles through a wet white tshirt of 2023. Best crazy fucking freak eyes of 2023 you'll know the scene when you see it. Best dick sucking lips of 2023. Best bleach blond buzzcut of 2023. Best screaming crying throwing up of 2023. Best can you get her some contacts please blue eyes of 2023. Best trim little waistline of 2023. Best cheekbones of 2023. best freaky back scars of 2023. Best sweaty anxious face in redblack lighting of 2023. Best "he kisses like he's getting sent off to war in the morning" of 2023. Best microexpressions of 2023. 

- thought it genuinely had some beautiful images/textures/colors! Scenes during the middle third at night utilized darkness and shadow realllly well esp during coriolanus and sejanus's Moment in the arena. the last third in district 12 was quite beautiful as well I thought the scenes in the dancing hall/bar were really lovely and textured and there were a ton of great landscape shots too. Can't tell if it actually utilized close ups well or if I was just mesmerized by tom blyth's bone structure. The general aesthetics and costume design of the capital and districts felt fully realized and interesting in a way the original movies didn't get imo

- music was great! Truly some incredible vibes... rachel got pipes!!!

- whenever peter dinklage showed up he just started chewing the scenery like nobody's business. It was His show. and every jason schwartzman line had my theater on the floor he was great 

- Supreme Twink president snow was truly an inspired choice every time he hit someone with the fluoride stare its like okay calm down troye sivan. Also the toxic teenage boy yaoi was even realer and truer than I thought possible sejanus was in love with him for REAL

- speaking of sejanus... He should've been at the clubbbbb 

- when snow pulled out the "uhhhhh.... My old self" line I was cackling... Lying ass BITCH

[shingekinomyfeelings]

This is gonna be a lot longer than the others, so bear with me

Okay, you might be thinking 'there is nothing particularly interesting or pretty about this picture,' but that is actually part of the point I want to make.

My major is wildlife bio, and my minor is conservation, but while I've always LIKED plants, my focus has always been animals. In fact, I kind of suck at keeping plants alive, even the easiest ones. I basically have a black thumb, so I haven't bothered delving much into gardening until very recently. Earlier this year, I started on a small-scale eco restoration project on my parents' property, mostly targeting the layers of landscape cloth, degraded and eroded soil, and noxious invasives. In the process I've been learning way more about the plant life endemic to this mountain.

While I was doing a survey of the plants on the property to see, for curiosities sake, how many of the woodland flowers were non-native - of over a dozen wildflowers growing in the yard, only two were NOT introduced. How sad. Virginia has so many beautiful wildflowers.

There are very few wildflowers in the woodlands at all, though. That's something I'd obviously been aware of for years, but I started wondering then, is it because of the degraded soil? In fact, the biodiversity seemed incredibly low. Is it because of the destruction of most of the old-growth forest on this mountain? Is there a way to help?

So, I started looking into the history of the Brush Mountain Wilderness area to see what plants used to be here. It turns out that this mountain is covered largely by a particular ecosystem community type: the Oak-heath forest. And guess what? Biodiversity is naturally comparatively quite low in Oak-heath forests.

Like the name implies, these forests are dominated by Oaks in the upper story, and in the middle and lower story are the Heaths - the mid layer of rhododendrons, azaleas, and especially in our Oak-heath subtype, the mountain laurel; the lowest story is the Vaccinium (blueberry) species and huckleberry.

There's very little on the floor level. It's mostly leaf litter and moss, with sporadic acid-tolerant forbes like galax, false Solomon's seal, and if you look hard enough, little flowers like bellwort and native orchids.

What I thought was a problem related to all the human disruption that continues even now with the Mountain Valley Pipeline being cut through our neighborhood was... actually the forest continuing to do what it's supposed to do, in spite of the damage we've dealt.

We have a horrible tendency to value only ecosystem types that are interesting or aesthetically pleasing, don't we? Like, even people like me who want to protect all our natural ecosystems. A lot of the time it's because we literally don't understand what we're looking at. I wasn't in tune with the plant life at all because I thought I was just bad with plants and had put my focus elsewhere. I wouldn't say I'm GOOD with plants yet, but I'm learning. It's helped me understand how to improve the actually badly degraded parts of the property, too.

The Oak-heath forests have suffered a lot from human development, imported pests and disease, and the colossal (human generated) white tailed deer population. Also, as you can see, when fall hits, these areas look kind of, well, ugly. People destroy them to plant 'prettier' ornamentals that have no wildlife value, because of the anthropocentric notion that all of this is here for us. But the Oak-heath has tremendous importance to many animal species, including bears, birds, and pollinators. When the Vaccinium produce fruit in the summer, the areas become a valuable food resource. It might not be the most visually appealing, but it's something that needs conservation.

There are some plants that are missing, though. The Box huckleberry once grew in huge colonies here, but that species has been decimated across its native range, and only a few known wild colonies exist today. I've found a native plant nursery that sells Box huckleberry plants, and I'm hoping to plant a few in the spring. I know I probably can't start a long-term colony of them, but I'd like to bring back just a little bit of what humans have taken out.

So, I encourage anyone who wants to help our native plant communities to start by identifying what type of community you're looking at, and dig into the history of that location, so that you can help in the way the ecosystem wants you to, not just the way you want to.

[quietbluejay]

Ghost Warrior 2

back over to Yvraine and Eldrad Eldrad is a hoarder I think Yvraine should judge him for his messy room more

where'd they come from? dude's not THAT pretty

I don't think this is saying what you want it to about Eldrad, dude Eldrad puppetmasters situations so he will get shiny magpie presents that he then brings back to his nest

okay I was wrong, I guess he IS that pretty

he's a tomb robber missed that bit also: never lend a book to this man you know what this would make so much more sense if 40k had dragons and eldrad was one ngl Eldar Dragon Eldrad would be sick …make ALL the Eldar dragons

is this…actually developing Yvraine's character??? so Iyanna tells them about the mysteriously appearing craftworld

here we FINALLY have our hook for Yvraine, Eldrad thinks they might find the last cronesword in the well of the dead

ughh

Eldrad, everyone the chapter ends with Yvraine looking at a mini sculpture of Lileath and thinking about myths and legends AND THEN SHE WRAPS IT UP IN HER SCARF AND STEALS IT incredible

actual decent opening to this chapter as the mood on Iyanden is nervous so Iyanna is hiding from everyone lol so they don't find out she's secretly bringing the Ynnari I'm sure this will go well and yet i guess people sensed the vibes and came to watch lol

"aesthetic disdain" everyone turns to see Iyanna walk in surrounded by the dead

Yvraine's grand entrance

Althenian and the Visarch chat and we get yet another gloomy reminder that

YRIEL MENTION I cannot believe but I am grateful he's not gonna show up here he is safe from Thorpe for now… okay the Iyanden farseer tells Yvraine ominous things about the Tomb of Eldanesh on that note, after some back and forth where Iyanna basically gets told not to let the door hit her on the way out, the chapter is over

New chapter and Iyanna remembers happier times hanging out in the place they're in and cries a bit Yvraine shares her memories of Biel-Tan and believing that they'd Make the Eldar Great Again we've got some headhopping here but it's actually done in a decent way

so are we going to get anywhere

five generations since the fall so we have a rough estimate of average Eldar lifespan/age to maturity yeah i will say this for all Thorpe's faults at least he's not gross or weird about women so Iyanna is trying to activate…something this family heirloom except that, lol, she's got no clue how so she figures out how to activate it and it's to bring up all her negative feelings not like that should be hard for her in this book…

cheerful! and it worked, the dead are waking up I also have to say this is the most grimdark, bleak, and hopeless warhammer novel I've read so far and I read the first three Ahriman books and The Buried Dagger it's not even ripping my heart out! I'm mad it should be making me care about these people and rip my heart out if that's the route it's going to go

so iyanna lives like this so she always remembers girl..... gahhh this could have been great if it actually engaged with Yvraine feeling the huge amount of pressure and thinking on if she was chosen by accident or not

ghost meeting

are you eldar or ents???

SHUSH with the editorializing okay this part is…actually decent Yvraine thinks about all these guys arguing like hobbits over the silver

it's just a different cage so FINALLY iyanna is calling on the dead to fulfil their oaths hi aragorn lol

okay this isn't too bad as far as this book goes but man i just really wanna do a complete rewrite and see if i can make it good this isn't really my genre though ...maybe I could make it my genre

im still puzzled as to why they have to go through this special to-do to get the ghosts to help them and that iyanna didn't even know how to summon them before hey psst Thorpe adding "wraith" to every word just sounds stupid wraithcouncil wraithnobility wraithranks so the House of Ulthanesh is being the stinker here and they're mad that Yvraine resurrected Yriel and now he's stuck as a Ynnari whether he wants to be or not "lich-lieges" so all the dead who are helping them do a grand parade through the streets of Iyanden

see this'd be okay but since i know the spoilers it's like "hoo hoo you thought they were gonna make actual progress but lol it's impossible " uggghh we switched back to the stupid omniscient narrator [10:49 AM] i really, really hate it when writers do this pose a question, like, say, "how will these characters reckon with the sins of their past" and then go "lol they're not gonna, you were stupid for expecting any kind of catharsis from this, any time a hint of resolution looks like it's going to happen BOOM headshot, and the survivors never actually did anything bad in the first place" yes i'm still salty about Sins of the Wreckers Roche is actually good at storytelling though, so that's one he's got up on this so the Shadowseers refuse to guide them any further (they're on their way) and now Yvraine gets to experience some oblivion, as a treat

this is what this book is doing to me this is how I feel reading it

anyways after this little interlude which apparently affected everyone, the harlequins go "one will break" nice, the party is now suspicious of each other and go "oh yeah changed our minds we're gonna guide you anyways" so. we are FINALLY meeting this craftworld Iyanna is. the one making contact and won't bring any weapons I'm not even halfway through the book contact is finally made and Iyanna meets the first relative she's met alive in…i guess since whenever her family died and he has a pet flying monkey

eh??? what about this is humble

okay first off, eh?? second off, you are LITERALLY doing this because they have something you want (the Well) this book is just so sloppy (unrelated to previous comment) anyways finally meeting the Zaithustrans and a) they worship the old pantheon b) they're suspicious

the ynnari get put in a house out in the middle of nowhere, iyanna storms off to meet her relative despite everyone else going "this is SUSPICIOUS" and yvraine's kitty follows her

i've been wanting to make this joke since i saw the craftworld name so we get 3 pages of telling not showing about a fraught conversation between yvraine and some of the zaisuthrans so what is iyanna up to okay i just looked up spoiler about what's up with this craftworld and you know what, sure, let's see how he does it

sidenote i don't think i'm ever going to be able to ship guillivraine now so okay i haven't actually read the gathering storm bit that involves them but like…they're just so completely uninvested in each other even disregarding that, personality clash not in a fun way i think they'd both find each other tiresome both of them are, tbh, more primarily oriented towards eldrad than each other well okay that's a bit of a strong term for guilliman's case anyways i'm thinking about rewriting this as Iyanna and Yvraine going on a magical journey of friendship there's actually some fun clashing you could do with Iyanna-as-written-by-Haley okay interlude over time to see what Iyanna's up to so she's going to meet her long-lost relative who looks a LOT like her dad

HE CAN SHOWWW YOU THE WORLD i'm not really a fan of the quasi romantic vibe that's being given to these two given how it's repeatedly mentioned how much he looks like her dad back to the Visarch and, okay, this isn't written badly, he's thinking about "what is their secret as a small craftworld, how did they avoid falling" back to Iyanna and Sydari takes her to the nicest place

Sydari gets surprised by her reaction and they leave this place of darkness annnd back over to Yvraine and co

really? really? annd meanwhile Iyanna is semi-catatonic and Sydari wipes a tear from her face "to find one in whom the bloodline was still strong" I. Don't like where this is going. meanwhile Yvraine has gotten them to show her the Gate of Malice. where will this go… this chapter was probably one of the better-written ones! 60% of the way through let me finish it today

iyanna has a panic attack sydari talks about them being under attack by "the oldest Enemy" Iyanna takes this to mean Chaos, but I'm not entirely sure

STAY IN YOUR LANE AND PICK A NARRATION STYLE

Hit image limit lol

[lilolilyr]

Valentinesnormativity

I definitely don't have the time to write a full fic at the moment & it's exactly midnight and therefore past my bedtime right now & I'm too late for valentine's day by more than a day now anyway, but I had Thoughts so you get the bare bones of the fic in just dialogue under the cut, who knows if I get some reblogs I might turn it into something longer on Ao3 when I have the time!

~

(team talk ends with among others Markus needing valentine's day off work to try and save his relationship, Deborah just nods and waves her hand for him and everyone to leave, leaving her and Ava sitting next to each other)

A: So. Valentine's day...

D: Don't tell me you also need the day off. I know you're not in a relationship that would warrant that, do you really need to schedule your one night stand on that day?

A: no! Ugh, no. I don't need the day off, I just wanted to ask, because we were already on the topic... Valentine's day. Thoughts?

D: -_-

A: like it, hate it love it, don't care? Cause, well, I mean, it's definitely a capitalistic dystopia invention to just sell more shit on another invented holiday and stress everybody out about making the day perfect and romantic... But it's also kinda cute how schoolkids give their entire class friend valentines and sweets and stuff, right? Though I guess we already have Christmas for cards like that and Halloween for candy... But valentine's day kind of went off with the candy heart aesthetic! Of course all unimportant compared to the dangerous way it proports amatonormativity...

D: what now

A: amatonormativity! You know I already explained heteronormativity to you -

D: too many times than I cared to listen

A: if you listened the first time I wouldn't have had to - anyway. Like heteronormativity is about how the society is all about straight couples being normal and expected, amatonormativity is about how romantic love in general is like that, too! I mean sure falling in love is great and all but that's not the only love there is! Some people never fall in love and that's okay! And even if you do, that doesn't have to make that relationship the most important one for you, people are capable of having important platonic and not-romantic relationships, I mean friendships and stuff... And, back to valentine's day, no shut up I'm getting to the point already, valentine's day makes people think that there's something wrong with them when they don't have a significant other because it looks like everyone has one or at least wants one!

D: I wasn't interrupting-

A: •_-

D: okay I was but I was just going to say I think I get it. Important platonic relationships, they can be more important than romance. A bit like us two.

A: looking down) oh, uh. Yeah? I guess...

D: ?

D: Of course, if your little speech didn't mean much and you'd still rather spend the day with some random tinder d-

A: no! No, (reaches for Deborah's hand) definitely not. I mean, you're importantly to me too. And I'd love to spend valentines day with you.

D: (looks at her, sees that despite her best efforts not to, Ava is blushing) ...oh.

D: I suppose I should have used me and Kiki as an example for that important platonic relationship. Does that make us a part of the unimportant amatonormativity now?

A: (splutters) Deborah!

~

Lmk if you want me to @ you if/when I turn this into a proper fic or write sth else for these two!

[newpathwrites]

Series Masterlist Main Masterlist

Chapter 4

Ultimately, he’d succeeded. Rya was here in the ship with him right now, entirely unharmed. The child was safely tucked away in the bunk, fast asleep. It was over, right? But dank farrik - something still felt wrong…

Din would never claim to be intuitive in the emotional sense - but he certainly was observant - and knew his partner quite well. And it was becoming clear to him now that he’d taken some time to assess the situation… Rya was physically unharmed, but she was not okay…

Summary: Keeping the child out of Moff Gideon’s hands turns out to be bittersweet. Rya is struggling, and Din makes an allowance…

Note: This takes place in the final episodes of season 1.

I’m a little self-conscious about this one because I don’t want to offend any touch-averse and/or neurodivergent readers out there who might feel like I’m suggesting that anyone should have to push their limits for another person’s sake or make an effort to change themselves. That’s really not what I’m trying to portray here - Din’s touch aversion and way of being in this story are very much modeled after myself, and I wanted to explore my own experiences and the ways in which my boundaries have evolved in certain contexts through this character.

On the lighter side, I also threw in some asexual stereotypes for Rya to dispel in her conversation with Cara - if you know, you know :-)

Warnings: Implied child death and grief.

Read on AO3

————————————————————————

After their run-in with Din’s old crew, which Rya was trying hard not to think too much about, things had gotten desperate.  Everywhere they turned, the child was in danger.  Credits were running out, the ship was falling apart, and both adults were on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  They didn’t trust Karga one bit, but what other choice did they have?  This all had to end - one way or another. 

It was a long journey to the meeting point with the client, and Cara took the opportunity to pepper Rya with questions about Mandalorian life - along with some more personal things, a certain theme featuring prominently in her inquiries.  While it was a good distraction from her troubles and Rya enjoyed the former rebel’s company, the inquisition was honestly starting to get rather annoying.

“So you are allowed to see each other’s faces?”

“Yeah, the one benefit of bonding - don’t have to keep the helmet on all the time…”

“Is he good-looking at least?”

Rya tilted the helmet in thought.  Mandalorians didn’t have much reason to consider aesthetic attractiveness generally.  “Sure, I guess he’s alright - he’s not ugly, anyway.”

“Hmmm… Do you share a bunk?”

“No, he sleeps in the cockpit.  I share the bunk with the kid.”

“Do you hug?”

“No.”

“Ever?”

“Cara… No.  I told you - he doesn’t like touching.”

“So you’ve never kissed, then?”

Rya sighed.  “Obviously not…  We’re not like that, and you know it.  Will you ever run out of invasive questions?”

“No way - you two are fascinating…”. Cara paused, smirking.  “Sex?”

“What about sex?  You already know the answer to that.  I’m not interested.  He’s not interested.  Zero interest…”

“How would you know if you haven’t tried?”

“Damn it, Cara… How do you know that you don't like sleeping with Jawas if you’ve never tried it?”  Rya tilted her visor at the other woman pointedly.

“Okay… point taken.  But have you?  Now I’m just curious.”  

“Fine… a couple times… when I was twenty or so… hated it… never did it again…”

“Maybe you’d prefer women?” Cara offered.

“Nope.  I’m just as unattracted to women as I am to any other gender.  Before you ask - yes, he’s the same, and no, I know nothing of his experience - that’s his business.”

“Well, that’s no fun...  So… is it weird?  Living with someone who won’t touch you?”

Now Rya was getting a bit angry on Din’s behalf.  “No, Cara, it isn’t.  We all have our peculiarities - some are just more obvious than others.  But I know him, and I respect him, and I wouldn’t want him to change that about himself if it would make him uncomfortable.  He is who he is - nothing weird about it.”

Cara liked to push buttons - but she also knew when to quit.  “Alright - I’m sorry… You’re a good friend, by the way…”

Rya smiled under the visor.  “Thanks.  Now let’s give it a rest with the questions.”

Really, Din any other way would not be Din…. In fact, if he were to ever become overtly affectionate, Rya would probably think him possessed.

It had taken her some time to sort it out over the years - the underlying current tying all of his various personality traits together.  While he claimed it was about things like hypochondria, maybe a bit of obsessive-compulsiveness, or his preference for solitude, Rya eventually realized that at its root was an aversion to intimacy .  Touching for no practical purpose, allowing someone to be privy to your thoughts or emotions, engaging in affectionate words or gestures - all of these things implied a kind of intimate knowing that made Din uncomfortable.  As far as he was concerned, his physical person and inner thoughts were private, to be known by him only and shared with no one.

But Rya had always been his exception.  She figured it was only because she understood and accepted him - and would never expect more than what he offered - that he was comfortable sharing small parts of himself with her as he felt able.  Over the decades they’d known each other, he’d shared quite a lot, and he opened up to her more still every day, now unexpectedly bound together in their middle age, as her trustworthiness was proven again and again.

She’d even noticed his physical boundaries shifting a bit - at least when it was just the three of them in the ship.  He no longer reacted with that exaggerated startle if they accidentally brushed against each other in cramped spaces.  He hadn’t hesitated to help her with an injury she couldn’t properly handle with her non-dominant hand, and barely flinched when she suddenly and without thinking reached out to grip his leg to steady herself against the pain.  And with the kid - it seemed all of his boundaries had dissolved completely - the child’s innocence made it all so much easier it seemed, and Rya sometimes couldn’t believe how natural Din had become with him.  

Rya didn’t expect Din to change - or even want him to - but he was doing it, anyway, of his own accord, on his own terms, and in his own small ways.

But Cara didn’t need to know any of this… His evolving comfort levels with his makeshift family were his private business…

——————————

Moff Gideon was dead (supposedly), and finally, they were safe… 

Din could breathe again.  Every waking moment since taking the child - not that he’d really allowed himself to sleep - had his heart perpetually gripped on the edge of panic… on alert, prepared to do whatever he must to protect those under his care - the only living being he loved in this entire galaxy… and the innocent child he now knew as his foundling.

Ultimately, he’d succeeded.  Rya was here in the ship with him right now, entirely unharmed.  The child was safely tucked away in the bunk, fast asleep.  It was over, right?   But dank farrik - something still felt wrong…

Din would never claim to be intuitive in the emotional sense - but he certainly was observant - and knew his partner quite well.  And it was becoming clear to him now that he’d taken some time to assess the situation… Rya was physically unharmed, but she was not okay…

As soon as the kid had fallen asleep, she’d removed the majority of her armor - in a rather hurried fashion, like she was frantic to be free of it.  It was a strange thing for her to do.  While Rya was certainly not as shy as Din was when it came to being seen in just the flight suit, it was still not in her nature to go any extended length of time wearing none of the beskar at all.  

And then she’d suddenly stopped in the middle of the hull, as if she didn’t have the energy to take another step, and that’s where Din found her now.  The warmth and light was gone from her eyes, which were mostly hidden from view as she stared down at the floor.  Her arms were crossed tightly in front of her chest, hands draped over opposite shoulders, gripping her flight suit there.  She stood completely still, only shivering slightly as a few stray tears slipped down her cheeks, quickly wiped away by a trembling hand before wrapping back around her body.

Din understood her tears but puzzled over her odd positioning for a moment.  He wasn’t sure exactly what it meant - but even he could feel the silent plea radiating from her form.  She needed… something… He didn’t know what, but he would figure it out.  She would do the same for him.

He approached, searching her facial expression for some conveyance of what was happening to her right now, and hesitantly put a hand to her upper arm in an attempt at a comforting touch.  He didn’t really know how to do this.  She flinched just slightly, as if she hadn’t fully registered his presence before but would not meet his gaze.  He’d never seen her like this, and he was beginning to sincerely worry for her welfare.

“Rya…” he spoke softly, attempting the sort of gentleness he often heard her use with the child.  “Are you alright?”

She met his eyes for just a second before dropping them back down to the floor.  She shook her head slowly as she whispered in reply.  “No…”

“What is it?”  He kept his hand on her arm, aware this was probably an awkward gesture, but he could tell it was helping, her rigid form relaxing just a bit the longer he held on.

She hesitated to answer, taking a few calming breaths before her voice cracked with emotion.  “It all just keeps flashing through my mind.”  She still wouldn’t look at him, now closing her eyes as she continued.  “You almost died, Din.  And if I hadn’t been there… you wouldn’t have let anyone else help you… You’d be gone…”  She inhaled sharply, trying to fend off more tears.

He tried to stop her then, reassure her that he was alive and well - but there was more…

“… and Kuill… He deserved better than what we gave him…”  She referred to the shallow grave they’d dug outside the ship in the dust of Nevarro, far from the proud home Kuill had built for himself on Arvala-7.

Din kept quiet this time, sensing that something bigger was at play as she finally looked at him, fresh tears filling her eyes.  “The covert… the foundlings…”  She was cut off by her own choking sob, allowing the sorrow to overtake her, no longer able to hold it back.

Of course, the foundlings… In many ways, they were like her own children, most of them lacking any other parental figure.  She had been like a mother to them, the kind of loving caretaker she and Din never had growing up.  But she couldn’t save them from this - the destruction that she herself had brought down on the covert when she insisted on rescuing a strange child from the Empire.

Now Din understood.  It wasn’t that he didn’t feel the same devastation.  Of course, he did - he felt emotions just like everyone else.  He had just never felt the urge to alter his mood or behavior as a result of them - compartmentalization was a natural and automatic thing for him.  It was Rya who had reassured him as a teenager that his outwardly unemotional way of being was perfectly alright… and taught him the ways in which that character trait might help him navigate this difficult galaxy to his advantage.  Still, he forgot sometimes that Rya wasn’t like him - when it came to the innocent… when it came to those few she loved… she felt everything…  

“I’m so sorry, Rya… The armorer said some escaped off world… Maybe they discarded the children’s helmets so they wouldn’t be targets… We can hope, at least…”

She nodded in agreement, hopeful for a moment but unable to speak quite yet, arms still wrapped tightly around her body.

“How can I help?  Is there anything I can do?”  Din was desperate to help her - somehow…

She shook her head.  “Thank you, Din… but… I just need a hug and a good cry…”

His hand immediately fell from its place on her arm as he realized what she’d said.  She needed a hug… something so simple for anyone else - but impossible for him.  Maybe he could… for her… but even the idea itself was too overwhelming…  He was frozen in place, stuck in a cycle of indecision.

And now he realized why she’d been standing that way, arms wrapped so tightly around her own torso… She was hugging herself … because he couldn’t…  Din felt like he’d been stabbed in the heart.  

Rya registered the pain in his eyes, immediately regretting her words, only speaking the truth in her sorrow without much thought.  She did not expect anything of him - certainly not something he couldn’t give willingly and comfortably.  She had not meant to hurt him.  And wasn’t that just the best way to end this horrible, heartbreaking day?

The crying started all over again.  “I’m so sorry, Din.  I didn’t mean…”  It was all too much.  She couldn’t bear to look at him now, after she’d wounded him, however unintentionally.  She abruptly turned toward the ladder and climbed shakily up to the cockpit, leaving Din standing alone in the hull while the sound of her quiet sobs floated down.

He wasn’t upset with her - he knew that Rya would never ask him for something that he couldn’t give.  The words had just tumbled out - she wasn’t implying any expectation.  But Maker… sometimes he wished he could be there for her in the ways that she needed, just as she always was for him.

The truth was that Din had been growing more comfortable recently with physical contact  - if there was a good reason for it - and only with the two other people who lived on this ship.  Maybe someday… in a very distant future… he might be comfortable embracing her when she was suffering like this… on rare occasions, anyway… But right now , the idea of having an entire body pressed up against his own was unthinkable.

Compromise - another thing Rya had taught him all those years ago to help him cope with a world that constantly tested his limits… Meeting somewhere in the middle - giving enough to accomplish the task at hand - but not so much as to blow straight through his own boundaries.  What could he do to bring her some comfort without causing himself a crisis?  

If only it was possible to hug someone halfway…

——————————

By the time Rya heard Din tentatively climbing the ladder to join her in the cockpit, she was quite sure she had no more tears left to cry.  She only felt numb now - still indescribably sad… and worried she’d broken Din’s heart.

As he stepped into the small space, she assumed he would take his usual spot in the pilot seat - but he didn’t… instead lowering himself wordlessly onto the passenger seat beside her, his arm brushing up against hers.  Rya figured he’d somehow miscalculated his trajectory, sitting so close by accident, and she reflexively shifted a few inches over to put a bit of space between them.

He sighed in mild frustration… Of course … she’d been very intentionally giving him space for decades… Oh well , he was still committed to doing this…

Rya watched in befuddlement as he began removing the vambrace and beskar plates from the arm that had brushed hers just a moment before, stopping only after he removed the pauldron from his shoulder.  He finally looked at her and held out his armorless limb, which hovered between them, and gestured in a way that suggested he wanted her to take hold.  What?  She looked back at him questioningly.  He didn’t have to do this.

“It’s okay. I’ll tell you if it’s too much.”

His reassurance was all she needed, desperate for something to ground her as her world fell apart.  She moved slowly, anyway, giving him plenty of opportunity to change his mind.

She shifted closer, until their bodies were touching again, and then she looped both of her own limbs around his waiting one, looking up at him to make sure he was still alright with this position as she held his arm and pulled herself into his side.

She smiled for the first time on this terrible day as she realized that this was a compromise.  He wanted so desperately to comfort her, but he couldn’t offer her the whole thing.  He could, though, meet her somewhere in between - give her the anchor that she needed, without venturing too far past his own limits.

Her head came to rest on his shoulder - he’d removed the pauldron for a reason, after all.

“Are you sure this is okay, Din?”

“Yeah, it’s okay - for a few minutes.”

Rya took a deep breath, allowing calm to settle into her consciousness.  They were going to be alright.  They would get through this together as they did everything else.  His warmth at her side right now only proved it - something so unlikely made possible by the care and trust between them.

She lifted her eyes to his face again and waited for his gaze to meet hers before expressing her gratitude, all the more sincere because she knew this was not an easy thing for him.  “Thank you, ner burc’ya…”

He grinned slightly, proud in a way that he’d been able to meet her here.  “You’re welcome, riduur.”

——————————

ner burc’ya = my friend

Thank you for reading!

Next chapter

[namixart]

Crossing lines, hand in hand, ch. 8

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The one good thing about being stuck in the Gold Saucer was the Ghost Hotel. Not the general aesthetic of it, or the many cheap scares hidden in its halls—Cloud had never particularly cared for horror or generally spooky stuff, and he wasn’t about to start now—but the free apology stay in single rooms was nothing short of a blessing after months on the road.

As Cloud let himself fall heavily on his bed, he almost had to remind himself that he was supposed to be annoyed at the time they were wasting. But then he thought about Barret’s snoring and Yuffie’s constant tossing and turning, and remembered there were actual walls between him and them, not to mention an actual bed instead of a sleeping bag under him, and the annoyance melted away completely. He sighed deeply.

He so needed the rest.

He was more tired than he had been in months, with his limbs heavy and his brain foggy and slow. Dio’s arena had been rough: Cloud had been sent flying through the air more times than he could count, been badly burned all over his arms, and narrowly avoided getting skewered by a tiny green… goblin thing holding a kitchen knife. He’d even missed Dio finally forking over the Keystone because, after he’d cleared all eight rounds, he’d had to sit down with Aerith in a side room so she could heal all his burns, bruises, and cuts.

It was odd: more than once, he’d found himself looking around for his friends as he fought, only to remember he was the only one there. He couldn’t trust Barret to keep the enemies at bay while Cloud backed down for a second to catch his breath; there was no Tifa to help him keep the pressure on the monsters; Aerith couldn’t clear out the battlefield with a flick of her hand or keep Cloud safe from where she sat up in the stands. It had been just him down there.

A few months earlier, he wouldn’t have batted an eye at the prospect of facing down a slew of monsters alone. But things were different. So many things were different. Cloud furrowed his brows as he took a deep breath. Was it a good thing, that he’d started to rely so much on his friends in battle? Or would it eventually come back to bite him while fighting alone?

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door, a rhythmic and cheerful rapping that could only be coming from one person. Cloud smiled as he sat up. “Door’s open.”

After a beat, Aerith entered the room accompanied by a creepy screech that was for sure a feature of every hinge in the Ghost Hotel. She took a few steps forward and linked her hands behind her back with a smile. “Heya,” she said.

“Heya.” Cloud stood up, ignoring his sore… well, everything. “Need something?”

Aerith hummed. “Sorta. First, I wanted to check on you. Feeling okay?”

“Sorta,” he parroted with a half smile, slowly rotating his shoulder. “Still feels like I got run over by a truck after I ran a marathon.”

She winced sympathetically. “Ouch. Well, I guess… The other thing’s probably a no-go, huh?” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, looking a little crestfallen. “Another time.”

Cloud furrowed his brows. “What other thing?”

Aerith nodded towards the door. “Well, I just figured… We’re stuck here anyway, right? Might as well go have some fun and check out the park.”

“Oh.” Cloud bit his lip. He’d really been looking forward to an early night in a real bed, but… “I’m not that tired,” he said slowly.

She looked at him for a moment, then huffed out a laugh. “You don’t have to do that. Just rest up, okay? You don’t need to force yourself to go out for my sake. I probably shouldn’t have asked, anyway. I’ll just turn in early as well.”

Cloud furrowed his brows. “What? What about the others? Did everyone say no?”

“Oh.” Aerith giggled. “I haven’t told anyone else. As much as I love our friends, I was kinda asking youout on a date.”

Cloud stared at her. She calmly held his stunned gaze with an amused smile on her face.

He blinked. She waited.

“Huh?” he said eloquently.

“A date,” she repeated.

Cloud looked away. “Yeah, I—uh—I heard that.” Although he’d thought he’d heard wrong because what!? “It’s just—a date? Y-You? With me?”

Aerith hummed as she rocked on the balls of her feet. “Yup.”

“…Why?”

Aerith burst out laughing, clutching her stomach. Cloud took a step back and crossed his arms over his chest, feeling his ears burn. “Hey, don’t—”

“Sorry, sorry,” she wheezed, waving a hand in the air. But she was still giggling. “It’s just—why?” She covered her mouth as another chuckle spilled out. “Sorry, gimme—gimme a second here. I swear I’m trying to—why!”

Cloud waited for her laugh attack to pass, drumming his fingers over his arms. “Alright, alright, I get it,” he muttered. “I’m an idiot.”

Aerith straightened up with a deep, shaky breath. She was slightly red in the face and her eyes were still full of mirth “Whew. Wow, I’m sorry about that,” she said, panting a little bit. “You just caught me by surprise. No one’s ever asked me why I wanted to go on a date with them. Though I guess there were a couple of jerks who asked why I thought they would want to go on a date with me. So, like, screw them, right?”

Cloud nodded slowly. “Right.”

“Anyway,” she continued, putting her hands on her hips. “To answer your question: first off, I still owe you for your bodyguard services.”

Oh. Right. Cloud hummed, hoping the disappointment didn’t show on his face or in his voice.

“Second, I like spending time with you,” said Aerith. Her expression softened into the fond smile Cloud had discovered in Cosmo Canyon, and his heart skipped a beat. “You talk more, when it’s just us. About stuff other than the mission, I mean. And you smile more too. I like that Cloud.” She giggled. “And maybe I wanna keep him all to myself for a while.”

Cloud nodded slowly, then blinked twice and shook his head. Shit, he was supposed to reply. And also breathe. “I—uh, I mean—” What was he even supposed to say? To pinch him because there was no way this was real? That he needed several moments to process the fact that she wanted to go on a date with him? That he was completely, desperately, and embarrassingly in love with her? How could he tell her any of that without coming off as the creepiest weirdo to ever walk the Planet? He cleared his throat and averted his gaze. “Like I said. Not that tired,” he muttered. His face was on fire. Damnit. “We can go out, if you want.”

Aerith tilted her head to the side. “You sure?”

He nodded.

She didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds, so Cloud hazarded a look at her. She was smiling softly, eyes gleaming with affection. “You’re so sweet,” she said. She reached out to take one of his hands out of its nervous arms-crossed-knot and squeezed it. “It’ll be fun, I promise. What say you we grab a late-night dinner?”

“Yeah. Sounds good,” said Cloud, and let her lead him by the hand out of his room and into a date.

The park was as crowded at almost-midnight as it had been in the afternoon. Aerith caught Cloud’s perplexed expression and giggled. “It’s Enchantment Night,” she said, dangling their joined hands between them. “All the rides are free.”

Cloud hummed. “So that’s why you picked tonight to pay your bill,” he said. It was a bit easier to talk about the fact that they were on a date if he was teasing her.

Aerith laughed and stuck her tongue out at him. “Unlike some people, I’m not a cheapskate. It’s just a coincidence.”

 “Uh-huh.”

She pulled a faux-offended face and let his hand go to cross her arms. “Well then, maybe I’ll just call the whole thing off. That’ll teach you.” But she was trying to stifle a smile.

“You wouldn’t,” said Cloud, looking away from her. “You have a debt to settle.”

Aerith hummed. “I wouldn’t, and I do. And I’m a woman of my word. Hey, I think that over there is a diner. Sound good?”

Cloud nodded and followed her as she walked ahead towards the diner, her braid swishing behind her. He kind of missed the contact of her holding his hand, but he couldn’t very well just reach out and take hers back. Aerith led them to a small table at the back of the diner, which was right by a large window overlooking a big arena with a stage to the side. It was slowly filling with people, and someone was on stage talking into a microphone, but Cloud couldn’t make out a word they were saying from behind the glass.

“Dinner and a show, huh?” said Aerith, gathering her skirt under her knees as she sat down. “Shame we can’t hear any of it.”

Cloud hummed. “Maybe there’s a later showing? Um, if you want to go.”

Aerith tapped her lips in thought. “I think I saw posters about the show, but I don’t remember the times. Oh, well. Are you hungry? Now that there’s food around me, I’m kinda starving.”

“I could eat,” said Cloud, eyeing a server weaving through the crowd while carrying two large pizzas. A low grumble came from his stomach, and Aerith giggled. “A lot. I could eat a lot,” he amended, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I actually don’t think I had anything after Dio’s Battle Square.”

Aerith clicked her tongue. “Well, that won’t do.” She waved to a waiter to get their attention. “Just hang in there.”

Only a few minutes later, the waiter returned with their food—a pizza for Cloud and a very well stacked burger for Aerith, plus a large plate of fries to share. She squealed happily when the server set the plates down in front of her. “Oh, I love food,” she said, clasping her hands together.

Cloud chuckled as he took off his gloves and grabbed the very blunt pizza cutter from the cutlery box. “Who doesn’t?”

She giggled. “Fair enough. By the way,” she said, grabbing two fries from their sharer plate, “this is familiar, isn’t it?”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess.” Cloud hummed. It seemed so long ago. “You’re not gonna pass out on me, are you?”

“Absolutely not,” said Aerith, popping the fries into her mouth. “Dates aren’t for passing out. Which, shame about that time in Wall Market, ‘cause other than the dizzy spell it almost was a date.”

Cloud furrowed his brows. “It was a rescue op.”

She shrugged. “As I said. Almost.”

He rolled his eyes and Aerith giggled. “Come to think of it,” she said with a sly smile, “last time we were here, too. Very date-like.”

Cloud frowned. “Last time…?” He shook his head. “I was trying to cheer you up.”

“And you did. With date-like activities.” She waved a fry in the air. “We went to see a Chocobo race, we went to a fair… you even won me a plushie! Very romantic, I must say.”

He planted his eyes on his pizza. What is she saying? “That’s not—”

“Of course,” continued Aerith, with a mischievous glint in her eye, “we could say the same about Wutai too.”

“Wutai?” Cloud crossed his arms. “You wanted to teach me gardening!”

Aerith waved a hand in the air. “But I didn’t! We just hung out in a lovely flower field and talked while I turned you into a human bouquet. It totally counts! Remember what I said in Wall Market?”

He pursed his lips. “You said… a lot of things.”

She laughed. “It’s not a trick question.”

“I just mean that you talk a lot.” He gave a half laugh at Aerith’s faux-offended gasp. “Wouldn’t know where to start.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Meanie. I was talking about the date I promised you.”

“You mean this one?”

“Yeah—well, no, not at the time.” She leaned forward with her elbows on the table. “I said I’d take you somewhere nice and surprising. Like… a pretty meadow in a foreign country? And that there’d be lots and lots of flowers.”

Realisation dawned on Cloud. “…Maybe a pocket flower,” he said, echoing her words from so long ago.

Aerith hummed, satisfied, and sat back in her seat. “See? Totally lines up!”

“I, uh… I didn’t know those were… dates.” He inwardly cringed.His clinical awkwardness would be the death of him.

She shrugged. “Well, neither did I. But they could’ve been. We could just say they were.”

He looked up again and furrowed his brows. “We could?”

“Sure.” She winked. “Who’s keeping count, anyway? The dating police?”

That got a laugh out of him. “That’s a thing?”

Aerith winked. “Let’s not tell them, just in case. So?”

“So what?”

“So… were those dates?”

“Oh, um…” Cloud scratched the back of his neck. “I, uh…”

Aerith pouted. “Oh, no, don’t do that. You were doing so well. You forget to get flustered when you’re being argumentative.”

Cloud frowned, but only to suppress a smile. “So what, you want to fight?”

She laughed. “Yep, just like that.”

Cloud rolled his eyes. When he looked at Aerith again, she had her hands linked under her chin and her elbows resting on the table. She was still waiting for an answer. He swallowed. “I, uh,” he started, “I don’t think they count. As dates.”

Aerith lifted an eyebrow. “Oh? How so?”

He averted his gaze. “Well, neither of us knew they were.”

She giggled. “Why does that matter?”

“Because if they were, we’d have been dating for, what, months? Without realising?” Cloud huffed. “That’s dumb.”

Aerith burst out laughing. “It really is. And yet.”

He frowned and crossed his arms. “No. Absolutely not. This is our first date.”

Her smile widened. “First? You mean you want more? My, how direct.”

It was like she’d stolen the air out of his lungs and then taken a lighter to his face. He ran a hand over it, vaguely wishing he could wipe off the flush. “I—I, uh…”

Aerith laughed again. “You know,” she started, reaching out to gently pry his hand from his face, “in all of this very normal conversation, we’ve never once asked the one thing that matters.”

Cloud hazarded a look at her. “What’s that?”

“If we want to be dating. Do you?”

It was a point of no return. He could lie, and save himself the rejection. Or he could be brave.

He closed his eyes and nodded.

He wasn’t brave enough to trust his voice.

Aerith giggled and let go of his hand after giving it a final squeeze. “Great! Me too. Now, finish your pizza before it gets cold—I’ve got an idea for later.”

“H-huh?” Cloud blinked dumbly at her. “That’s it?”

Aerith hummed as she took a bite out of her burger. “Sure. Sometimes things are that simple. You ask someone out, and they say yes. What were you expecting?”

Rejection. Barring that… More coherent words out of my mouth. Telling you I’m in love with you. Kissing you.

Cloud shook his head. “Never mind,” he said, picking up a slice of pizza. It was going kinda cold.

Aerith levelled him with an amused look, but didn’t tease him any further.

They ate more or less in silence for a little while after that. Aerith would make little comments about what was apparently going on in the play—some kind of fairy tale? There was a dragon and someone dressed as a wizard—or about the people around them, light-hearted and casual. She was smiling the entire time, though, even when they were just eating in comfortable silence, so maybe Cloud wasn’t the only one who couldn’t stop thinking about their conversation.

It was astonishing how much and how little seemed to have changed with the simple change in status of their relationship—from “friends” to “dating.” Aerith wasn’t acting any differently, and yet there was a shift in her tone, her eyes, her smile—little changes that all added up to… not much of a change after all. Or maybe it was just Cloud being hyper-aware and over-analysing everything. It got him wondering if maybe she’d been onto something with her claim that they’d been dating for a while.

They were dating. In a relationship. And it had happened with only an awkward conversation and a simple question. There had to be a catch. But, glancing at Aerith, he couldn’t help but think that it was safe to trust her and everything she said. He was safe with her. He silently vowed that she would always be safe with him as well. And, maybe, someday he would find the words to tell her.

He shook his head, and found her looking at him.

“What?” he asked.

Aerith smiled. “I know you were tired tonight,” she said. “But thank you. I’m really glad I’m here with you.”

Cloud nodded slowly. “Uh, sure. I told you, I—”

“Wasn’t that tired—I know.” She rolled her eyes playfully. “Still, thanks. Hey, you done?” She shoved the last two fries in her mouth. “If we hurry, we should make it just in time.”

Cloud had finished his pizza a little while earlier—his mom’s complaints that he ate too fast were still fresh in his mind after all those years—so he nodded. “Where’re we going?”

Aerith stood up and held out her hand. “Surprise!”

Cloud took it and followed her—only stopping to pay for the dinner.

Once out of the diner, Aerith pulled Cloud through the crowd, weaving between families and couples like a woman on a mission.

“You sure you know where we’re going?” he asked, ducking to avoid a man’s enthusiastic gesticulating. “This place is a labyrinth.”

Aerith nodded without looking back. “Don’t worry! We’re almost there.”

Suddenly, she pulled him in front of her, pushed him into one of the chutes—he didn’t see which one—and got in after him. They stood close to each other in the small space, panting slightly from the run. Aerith was smiling and her face was flushed, and Cloud was hit by the almost overwhelming need to kiss her, to run his hands through her hair, to hold her—but the chute arrived at its destination and both of them stumbled out onto a small platform. A woman in uniform standing by a wooden kiosk eyed them disapprovingly.

“The chutes are single-person only unless you’re accompanying children,” she recited, frowning.

“Sorry, sorry,” said Aerith, straightening up. “We didn’t mean to. It was crowded at the Terminal and I kinda got pushed in too,” she lied casually and, judging from the woman’s unimpressed glare, unconvincingly.

“Uh-huh,” she said. “You here for the gondola? We close in ten minutes.”

Finally, Cloud realised where they were. Just beyond the kiosk was a small cabin suspended from a rail whose path Cloud couldn’t make out past the first bend, as it looped back around the main body of the Gold Saucer.

Aerith rocked on the balls of her feet. “Did we make it in time?”

The woman shrugged. “Barely. Get on.”

Aerith beamed and grabbed Cloud’s hand again to drag him to the cabin. The inside was even more cramped than it looked from the platform and, with the two of them sitting on opposite sides, there was barely any room between their knees. The attendant secured the door and then headed back to the kiosk. A second later, the cabin shook slightly and began to move.

Aerith gave a soft squeal and peered out of the window to her left. “I saw the gondola ride above the theatre, earlier. It goes over the whole park!”

Cloud hummed. “How did you know we were cutting it close?”

She shrugged. “Guessed. It is getting pretty late.”

Cloud vaguely remembered spotting a clock in the Terminal Station. It had read one in the morning. “So much for our early night, huh?”

Aerith giggled and leaned back. “Yeah. Still, I’m glad I’m here.”

“Me too.” He smiled.

The gondola rose higher and higher up in the sky while they sat in comfortable silence for a little bit. Cloud had half expected to have to hide the nausea, but for some reason the ride didn’t bother him at all. Maybe it was because his stomach was way too tied up in knots already to even think about getting sick.

Aerith was leaning with her elbow on the windowsill, watching the view. Fireworks had started to go off, and the light they shone on her was colourful and gorgeous—like the flowers she loved so much. Like her.

She sighed, and Cloud realised he’d been staring. “Thank you for tonight,” she said. “This is… so beautiful. I’m glad I’m sharing it with you.” But she didn’t look glad. She was smiling, yes, but with a sad tilt to her lips, a wistful air in her eyes.

“Are you okay?” asked Cloud. He thought about reaching for her hand, resting on the windowsill, then thought better of it.

Aerith shook her head. “Yeah. No… Yes—it’s complicated. Ah, it’s nothing. Don’t mind me.”

He furrowed his brows in a silent question. Aerith sighed again. “I’m so, so happy I’m here with you,” she repeated. “It’s just… at first, you reminded me a lot of someone. Someone who’s… not in my life anymore. It bothered me a lot, at first.”

“Someone?”

Aerith waved a hand in the air. “Someone. You had all these little things in common—in the way you move, or talk…”

Cloud looked away. “That bad?”

She smiled a bit. “Not bad or good. At first, I thought maybe…” She shook her head. “But no. Things are different. You’re different. And I’m happy I’m here with you. Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

She reached out to take Cloud’s hand, and gave it a little squeeze. He squeezed back, feeling his cheeks heat up a bit. They smiled at each other, but hers was still stained with sadness. “But…?” he asked.

Aerith huffed a bit. “When did you get so observant?”

“You’re not as sneaky as you think you are,” said Cloud, shrugging. “Something’s still bothering you. You, uh, don’t have to tell me, though. If you don’t want to.”

She shook her head. “It’s okay. I don’t know if any of this’ll make sense, though.”

He gave a half smile. “Try me.”

Aerith sighed. “It’s just… Sometimes, I look at you, and it’s like I can’t focus my eyes right. You’re here, but I can’t find you.”

Cloud furrowed his brows. “But… I am here.” I’m with you. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. What does she mean?

She giggled. “I know, I know. I told you it didn’t make sense. Don’t worry about it, I’m just being weird.”

He hummed after a second of hesitation, then leaned back in his seat. Aerith sighed, shook her head, and turned to look at the fireworks again. “Tonight isn’t for sad memories or vague premonitions. It’s for appreciating all the wonderful things happening right now.” She glanced at him. “Like the fireworks, like our friends. Like you.” She took his hand again.

Cloud hesitantly entwined their fingers. “Like you.”

Aerith didn’t turn to look at him, but she smiled softly as she stared up at the sky, at the fireworks dancing across the stars and painting pictures of light. Cloud wanted to keep that image in his memory for the rest of his life.

I could kiss her right now. She’s right here, we’re on a date. I could…

He pressed his lips together. “Aerith…”

She turned. “Hm?”

He opened his mouth, then closed it. His resolve had evaporated the moment she’d turned her big, curious eyes on him. He shook his head. “Uh, never mind.”

Aerith cocked her head to the side, then gave a perplexed smile. “Okay? Oh, no, look.” She pointed out of the window. “I think the ride’s almost done.”

She was right. They were right back in front of the rollercoaster they had started from. Cloud swallowed his disappointment and regret. If only he wasn’t such a lovesick idiot. A bell rang as the gondola wobbled to a stop. The attendant from before hastily opened the door and motioned for Cloud and Aerith to get out of the cabin.

“Looks like our magical ride is over,” said Aerith. “That was really special. Thank you,” she said to the attendant.

Her sour expression softened a bit. “Yeah, yeah. Enjoy the rest of your stay at the Gold Saucer.” She waved her hand in a shooing motion. “Now scram. I gotta lock this place up.”

Aerith giggled and took Cloud’s hand again as she made for the chutes.

“Only one person per chute!” yelled the attendant.

“We know, we know!” laughed Aerith.

She trailed to a stop in front of the doors to the chutes, still holding Cloud’s hand. “See you at the Terminal Station?” he said.

Aerith hummed. “Can’t wait.” Neither of them let go of the other.

“Can you two take the flirting somewhere else?” called the attendant. “Some of us wanna go to sleep.”

Aerith giggled and finally let go of Cloud’s hand. “Sorry, sorry.” She waved at Cloud. “See you in a minute.”

Then she stepped inside the chute. Cloud watched the door close behind her and took a deep sigh.

“Whipped, huh?” said the woman behind him.

He turned around and shot her an annoyed glance. She shrugged. “I calls it like I sees it, Blondie. Go on now, don’t make her wait. Be disgusting somewhere I don’t have to see it.”

He rolled his eyes. “Roger that.”

When he stumbled out of it at the almost-empty Terminal Station, Aerith was right there waiting for him, rocking on the balls of her feet with her hands linked behind her back.

“Missed you!” she said with a smile.

Cloud huffed good-naturedly. “It’s been thirty seconds.”

Aerith put a hand on her chest. “Longest thirty seconds of my life.” She giggled, then cleared her throat and smiled fondly. “I loved tonight. Really. Thank you.”

He nodded, then frowned a bit.

Aerith cocked her head to the side. “What’s wrong? You didn’t have fun?”

“No, no. That’s not it.” Cloud looked away. “I was just… thinking about what you said.”

“Which part? I talk a lot, remember?” She winked.

Cloud rolled his eyes. “On the gondola. About… not being able to find me.”

Her eyes went a bit wide, and she waved a hand in the air. “Oh, that. Really, ignore everything I said. It’s nothing.”

But Cloud shook his head. “It’s not nothing. It’s bothering you.”

Aerith was silent. Cloud pressed on. “I… don’t really know what you mean. I don’t know how I can be here and far away at the same time.” He scratched the back of his neck. “But I wanna fix it. I wanna try. I… I don’t wanna be far away from you.” He swallowed a knot in his throat. “You’ll always find me right here. Whenever you need me, wherever you need me.”

A long moment passed. Aerith was looking at him, eyes wide and full of wonder and surprise. Cloud held his breath.

Then she laughed. “Oh my god, Cloud… How do you always know what to say?”

He let out a huff. “What are you talking about? Have you met me?” He felt the tips of his ears burning.

“Okay, fair, maybe you don't.” She slipped her hand in his and looked up at him. “Maybe you're a flustered hot mess who stumbles over his words when he’s trying to be nice. But it's okay. I can hear what you're really saying.”

“Oh?” Cloud swallowed a knot in his throat. “What am I saying?”

Aerith smiled and stepped right up into his personal space. “You're saying, ‘I wanna make you feel better,’” she said. “You're saying, ‘I care about you.’” She leaned up until their faces were just a breath apart. “I wanna kiss you.”

Cloud was glued to the floor, pinned in place by her gentle hold on his hand and the pull of her eyes, so close that he could count the specks of brown and gold in them. “I—I'm saying that?” he stammered, like an idiot.

Aerith giggled, but she didn't step away. “You tell me, mister,” she whispered. “Are you?”

Thankfully, the answer was simple and short—no chances of messing it up. “...Yeah,” he breathed.

“Awesome.” Aerith's smile widened. “Me too.” And then she finally closed the distance and pressed her lips to his.

It still caught him by surprise. If not for Aerith’s warm hands cupping his face, he would have instinctively recoiled back and regretted it for the rest of his life. Instead, he tentatively brought his hands to her waist to nudge her closer as he kissed her back.

Gently. Softly. Afraid to mess up.

Aerith giggled quietly on his lips, and the vibrations shot down to his chest like electric shocks.

“Been wanting to do that,” she whispered, stepping back just enough to speak.

Cloud nodded a bit shakily. “Yeah. Me too,” he said, and kissed her again.

Finally.

He kissed her until, in a display of pure evil and poetic parallels, a loud boing sound effect played and the two of them sprung apart to spot Cait Sith standing at the other end of the Terminal Station, holding something that greatly resembled the Keystone Cloud had just fought so hard to get from Dio.

[soft-n-sweet-tummies]

Hello! Great to see you!

Peachy | 20 | they/them | Bi asexual ♡

Welcome to my feedism, weight gain, and belly blog! I am both an appreciator of fat bodies and aspiring to gain weight myself. The posts curated here are a mixture of aesthetic/sensual admiration and very soft asexual kink. It both is and isn't a kink blog. Put simply, it's a bit complex, but I try to explain in the blog manifesto below the cut. There's a list of my likes and dislikes there too.

This space is open to anyone who is kind, respectful, and genuine. I may not always be active here, but my ask box is open to non-sexual inquiries from those 18+ if you would like to say hi! Thank you for visiting. Take care. 💟

Frequent tags:

#tum and then some - generic or fits multiple categories

#softness - related to fatness sensually

#fullness - related to intentional stuffing/overeating

#act of creation - related to intentional weight gain, solo or feedism.

#friendship and feeding - soft feedism, or a more general pair dynamic. does not necessarily need to be romantic.

#peachy's posts

#peachy's favorites

Blog manifesto

This manifesto seeks to explain how I see fat bodies and feedism, and how that impacts the purpose of this blog for the sake of clarity and openness. It may be expanded in the future.

1. All fat and chubby people are valid.

Some people are naturally fat due to genetics or other factors, while others choose to be fat as an act of creation, sexual or otherwise. Nobody's value decreases because they are fat. Unfortunately, fatness has been stigmatized by the healthcare system as "unhealthy" but it is, in truth, a neutral state of being that should not preclude guilt or shame.

2. Fat people should not be reduced to sex objects without their consent.

Lust is a complicated topic that I, as an asexual, struggle to understand and cannot relate to. However, as my current knowledge stands, lust is natural for many people. It's okay for somebody to see a fat person as hot and have fantasies about them, but that should not extend to blatant objectification. Fat people have dignity and worth beyond just their bodies.

3. Arousal can be non-lustful.

Many asexuals have a libido. An allosexual's (opposite of asexual) libido is like an arrow, pointing outward towards somebody else, while an asexual's libido is like a bubble, self-contained with no discernible purpose.

This is not to say asexuality is simply "no sexuality"; it is a spectrum, as complex and varied as any other sexuality. An asexual person may not experience traditional sexual attraction, but they can get turned on and aroused by other things, such as non-sexual touch, fictional characters, and, of course, kink.

For an asexual, kink is like that self-contained bubble of libido, with the tiniest point, the tip of an arrow. It's up to them to decide whether to push that arrow inward, allowing the arousal to be pleasurable without being attached to lust and desire, or outward, allowing themself to engage sexually in their kink with others. Or, they may decide that outwardly engaging in kink means something non-sexual, yet that arousal remains stimulating and fulfilling to them. I fall in the third category.

~♤~

Affinity / kink list

Bellies

Weight gain

Soft feedism

Stuffing

Big bellies burping (Probably the most conventionally[?] arousing for me out of all of these. To watch or to do, excluding the grosser parts.)

Non-fatal gentle vore (Not a kink at all, more of a comfort device. Could be used in conjunction with my belly affinities but isn't always.)

Affection and praise (Not a kink but y'know, everyone likes being appreciated, so I thought I'd add it on. ^^)

Absolute nopes

(You can still follow me if you have these kinks, I respect you; just know they make me feel really weird and uncomfy. I don't engage with them at all.)

Nicknames like "piggy" or "cow"

Degradation and mean teasing

Religiously calorie-counting

Hard feedism

Death feedism

Force-feeding

Preg / mpreg / oviposition

Lust without love being clearly defined or described (This pairs with my asexuality. I do not feel nor understand lust.)