#on one side i think theres a humour to that

[cadaverkeys]

will u tell us things abt tarrare so we can understand him better

If you ever get the chance to stumble into this interaction in real life I'm sure you would get the cinematic shpeel of Tarrare - life to death. The entire "it begins in a farmhouse with a boy being kicked out in his teens" and the "they say when he died he still had a golden fork stuck in this throat" But I think it comes down to this:

Imagine being this medical mystery- unable to be understood even today, a man with a never ending stomach who was always emaciated. In a time of great famine and poverty. Forced to eat live animals for the entertainment of others. Admitted to hospital to hospital to hospital and never knowing why you could never be like anyone else. You have tried every experimental treatment no matter the cost. And have remained the same. And they feed you animals and corpses. They catch you trying to sneak dead flesh in the night. And when a child disappears it's all too clear that you've lost all decency. And you cannot stop your compulsion until you've eaten the plate, the dish cloth, and the silverware. When you die from the abuse it did the doctors find your body so disgusting that they refuse to dissect it.

I think there's something existentially terrifying and poetically significant about a life like this. Himself unable to write somehow remembered because he struck disgust in everyone he met. Often we joke about him being suspected of eating a child. But you must remember he was forced to eat live animals and corpses as a living - and by the scientists that studied him. He was uneducated and truly unable to grasp his condition or his expectations.

[cerosin-bis]

Nikto hcs pls? if theres some you got for scraps.

Of course.. Of COURSE it is my pleasure!! I do not stop thinking about Nikto like ever. First main hc post here (it's old but still relevant) and then many more in my nikto tags. the one about his youth is also relevant to my view of the character. Here are more Nikto headcanons:

He fidgets when he thinks. Not when he's anxious or upset (in that case he just stands like this 🧍‍♂️ he's perfectly still and it's terrifying. it means he's holding back.)

Very self-aware about the way he processes things, which allows him to plan out & avoid certain situations when needed.

Actually has a lot of self control in general, but if he indulges in one (1) thing - usually the thing is an unhealthy coping mechanism - then the dam breaks immediately. It's basically all or nothing.

Extremely funny when he wants, mostly because he can deliver anything with a perfect deadpan and has a *lot* of wit. It's not that hard to make him smile either, if one has the right type of humour - and in his squad, everyone does.

Doodles of him! i will post the full doodles of my friends' niktos one day. ok. My take on Nikto is that he got nerfed by life because bro literally had too much for him he was too huge too handsome.

a lil more under the cut about my face hc for him.

Features of my version of Nikto weren't actually really defined from the start save from the sad mohawk tbh. After drawing him semi-consistently for 3.5 years I can now list them and it's.

chemical burns, mostly limited to the middle and left side of his face + left shoulder - with a defined pattern on his face (that probably no one noticed because my lines are that messy 👍)

burnt/cut top part of his left ear

almost no eyebrows remaining. a few hairs on the right side.

very little facial hair

fairly big nose with the left nostril damaged like his upper lip is (prolongating his cleft lip sort of)

square jaw, with a slight underbite

stitch marks on some smaller, different scars mostly around the chin

a few cigarette burns under his chin/neck

[girls-alias]

on a hunt with dean sam and cas, but sam is driving , cas and dean are in the back seat, theres an empty seat in the front next to sam but you and sam dont get along well at all so you have to sit on deans lap

Title: On his lap

Words: 2,230

Relations: Dean Winchester X Reader

TW: Foul language, sexual hinting. Erection, masturbation, touching

Masterlist

Request sent in anonymously, thank you for the idea, had great fun writing this. Apologies if you weren't intending it to be smut but I couldn't resist. 😬

I stomped my way back to the Impala after handing in the keys to the motel. I scoffed as I noticed Dean and Cas in the back. Sam is ready to get in the driver's seat. I shook my head as he smirked at me. They planned this. They all think I'm being petty and childish but Sam always gets on my nerves with his innocent act in front of everyone, he and I both know we hate each other as much as I show I hate him. He has a superiority complex. He thinks I'm not as strong as him, he thinks I'm a childish little girl just because I am smarter than him and he's intimidated by intelligence. The beginning of my mood was kicked off by Sam's snide comment about being short and supposedly needing a car seat as I have the intellect and stature of a child.

I approached the car, ignoring the smirk that was wiped off Sam's face as I swung the back door open. Dean looked at me confused as I opened his door. I gestured for him to move. He scoffed looking beside him and then back at me.

"There's no room," He commented as if I were a little stupid. I glared at him before taking charge and taking a seat in his lap. He shifted uncomfortably as I shut the door. Sam got in with a groan. I watched as he rolled his eyes in the mirror.

"Dean's my car seat, you happy now?" I asked Sam in a snide tone. He scoffed, shaking his head as he began driving away. Dean huffed annoyed as he sat back. He was unsure where to put his hands so he had one on the door and the other on the small space between him and Cas. The drive was silent. Sam put the radio on to try to obliviate some of the awkwardness. The road wasn't the smoothest ride and smirked as I felt Dean shift under me and grunt pretending to be annoyed. His jeans dug into me as I cursed my past self for wearing such thin gym shorts. It is too hot and I hate wearing skirts but the seams on his jeans were uncomfortable. I smirked as I realised.

"Can I be left out of this argument next time?" Dean asked with a sigh. I smirked wider.

"You seem to be enjoying it," I teased before circling my hips. He breathed through gritted teeth as I recognised he was hard beneath me. I smirked as I glanced to the side to steal a glance at him. He glared at me only making me smirk wider.

"Why would Dean be enjoying it?" Cas asked cluelessly. I smirked, I love his innocence. It's so funny.

"Well, when a man is excited he-" I started but Dean quickly nipped my thigh to shut me up. I winced at the harshness. I glared at Dean.

"She's trying to be funny," Dean added, sending me a warning look. I smirked. Cas looked perplexed.

"I don't see the humour in it," Cas commented before resuming to look out the window. I giggled softly. I rolled my eyes as Sam glared at me in the mirror. Sam and I often argue. He ropes Dean into it as he states that he has no idea why Dean 'keeps me around'. The truth is Dean and I would hunt together when Sam was in college. Dean might be able to forgive him but I can't. The amount of pain Sam has caused him, and the amount of times I comforted Dean can't be fixed by Sam coming back into his life. I call Sam out on a lot of his bullshit, Dean is often upset that his two favourite people don't get along but knows I have his feelings in mind, and that I'm defending him even if he doesn't want me to.

I know Dean has a crush on me. He made it clear after a few weeks of us hunting together but I only wanted to be colleagues. We've never had sex or even kissed but God I want to. We both know relationships aren't for hunters and it will only make our lives harder but that doesn't stop us from dreaming about it. Hell, when Dean was strung up by a Djinn he expressed we were married in his dream. We were sad about it for the longest time.

Sam thinks I'm a bad influence on Dean because he's done stupid things to try and save me but Sam's never present when I'm scolding Dean. Sam also thinks I'm leading Dean on but really we're leading each other on. It's the only thing to pass the time sometimes. It's a fun game we play, harmless but teasing and getting each other sexually frustrated is the only way to get a reaction out of each other when things are bad in the hunting world, it's our way of reminding each other we're human and alive.

"Can we all just sit in silence till we get there?" Dean asked with a groan. I chuckled as I smiled.

The drive continued, the road no less bumpy than when we first started driving. I zoned it out after a while but Dean's left hand harshly grabbed my hip, and I jumped. I glanced to the side to see Dean flushed. Breathing a little heavily as his face had a permanent scowl. I smirked as I admired him. He shook his head softly. His nostrils flared slightly. He took a deep breath, to play with him I pushed my hips down slightly. His nails dug into my skin as his hand gripped me harder. I bit my lip to stop myself from chuckling. He's still rock-hard beneath me. I smirked.

"Stop at the next station," Dean instructed in a dark statement. I sucked my cheeks in to stop myself from smirking as Sam looked in the mirror at Dean confused.

"We're not that far" Sam commented but Dean sighed.

"I didn't ask how much longer, I told you to stop," Dean insisted, his voice dark. I bit my lip extremely turned on. I smirked wondering why he wanted to stop so much. Dean's angry tone always makes me weak. An evil grin spread across my face. Since we'll be stopping soon I should really amp it up. I grinded against him subtly. He breathed heavily. Resting his forehead on my back. I smirked.

Sam pulled into the service station making me frown. Why did we have to be so close? As soon as the car stopped Dean swung the door open but before I had time to even try getting up he wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. He held me close as he swung our legs out of the car, picking me up as he stood up. All the air in my lungs left me as I felt little in his arms. I bit my lip wondering if he was going to carry me around but he placed me on my feet and stepped around me. I sighed sadly as he hurried into the garage. I rested against the car, the cold air helping bring my temperature down. I bit my lip the longer he was in there imagining what he was doing.

My breath quickened as I entered a world of my own. Imagining him in the bathroom, touching himself at the thought of me. He is getting hot and bothered. His muscles contort as he breathes heavily. His eyes rolled to the back of his head. His hands working on himself while he imagines it's me. I gasped when a hand touched me, pulling me from my trance. I looked to see Dean had returned and was clearly less put together than when he left. I smirked as he looked at me playfully annoyed. His hand moved to the back of my neck, is he going to kiss me? He pulled me in so his lips were to my ear. I breathed heavily in anticipation.

"My turn," His voice was dark. I gulped as he pulled away, his eyes full of lust. My breath quickened as I once again wondered why I had denied Dean so many years ago and continued to deny him. He took off his leather jacket and held it out to me. I looked at him confused as I accepted it. He sat back in the impala, his hand finding my wrist and guiding me down back onto his lap. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I wondered what he had meant. He closed the door, ignoring Sam when he asked what the whole thing was about.

I moved to put Dean's coat beside me but he grabbed it and placed it over my lap. I glanced back to give him a confused look but his dark eyes conveyed his smirk. He slid his left hand under the coat. My breath faltered as I recognised his intentions. I faced forward most likely looking like a deer in headlights. He placed his hand flat on my thigh. I worried about what he would do, what he was evilly planning and if I was strong enough to endure it. I gulped, my breath picking up as he started rubbing the top of my thigh, he was still in an innocent position but I knew what was coming. His hand moved higher. My breath quickened. I turned my attention to the window not wanting Sam to catch my face in the mirror. My face burned bright red as Dean squeezed my thigh, his thumb moving to the inside of my thigh as he did it. I gulped again, my mouth growing dry as he controlled me.

He shifted slightly, his arm getting more space as he moved his whole hand to the inside of my thigh. We've never been like this, we flirted, we teased but we'd never touched, not like this. I tried calming my breathing as my reactions to his touch seemed to spur him on. His hand slowly edged closer to where I craved him. I cursed myself once again for only wearing shorts. I can feel his every touch easily, at least if I had jeans or a thicker material on I wouldn't be able to feel as much. I flinched slightly as his other hand moved my hair to the side so it sat mainly on one shoulder. I felt his breath on the back of my neck sending shivers down my spine.

"Tell me to stop," He whispered into my ear. I gulped knowing the others couldn't hear it over the music but I still looked at them to check. He seemed to wait, I didn't have the strength to say it. He chuckled softly before his hands continued. He inches closer and closer. I gasped softly when his hands rubbed over the crotch of my shorts. I gulped, my eyes rolling slightly. He seemed to pause waiting to see if I wanted him to stop. I can sense him smirking behind me.

He rubbed up and down my heat, the thin material of my shorts and underwear barely creating a barrier. God, I am so happy I put shorts on now. I tried composing myself as I begged we were alone. I don't think I've ever been so turned on. I'm soaking wet, hopefully he can't feel it through the layers. He chuckled softly, his breath fanning my neck again as I gulped. God, he knows what he's doing to me, he has to. He rubbed my clit through my layers. I bit my lip to stop myself from moaning.

I was brought back to reality when the car stopped and Sam put the car in park. Dean chuckled as I looked around clearly unaware of my surroundings. We were in the motel car park. I sighed a part of me never wanting the car to stop, Dean to stop.

"I'll get the room," Sam commented about to get out.

"Nope, I'll do it," I said quickly knowing I can't be around Dean right now, I might pounce on him. I hurried out of the car hearing Dean chuckle before rushing to the office. I smirked as I opened the door. The man at the desk looked at me. "Two rooms please," I explained, my lips pulled into a tight line. He started tapping on her computer. "Can they be far apart?" I asked giving an innocent smile. He looked at me confused before handing me two pairs of keys for each room. I smiled brightly, thanking him as I handed him the card.

I smirked as I left the office, hiding the keys to the second room in my bra. I walked back to the car. Dean already smirked at me, watching me approach as he rested against the Impala, arms crossed over his chest. I gulped as I continued approaching. I cleared my thoughts, and a part of me believed Dean could read my mind, he always seemed to understand what was going on with me so did all I could to hide it. Dean's smirk widened as I approached, he knows. He always knows. He winked at me as he licked his lips. I shook my head, playfully rolling my eyes. Why does he have to be so damn hot?

Masterlist Part 2

[minty-drop]

• Yandere godlike celestial x reader

Both the reader and the celestial will be gender neutral to let the reader decide what they want themselves and them to be. Please do not claim Celeste as your character! They are my character oc. This is a short warm up story to get my brain ready to wright a longer story that will be posted soon!!

Summary: Celeste and y/n are enjoying a night gazing when y/n asks Celeste a question that causes them to snap.

Warning: protective behaviour, hidden obsession

The breeze was cold causing you to shiver. Your smaller body next to the godlike humanoid creature was humours compared to how much bigger they were to you.

It was beautiful out, the breeze was cool enough but not cold to nip at your skin, the temperature accompanied by the stars illuminating in the sky guided your senses to relaxing.

In times like these, you forget that you have a body, almost like your being sucked into the stars. Question in your brain come and go. But one sticks in your thoughts like glue on paper.

“My love, what is wrong? Do the stars not please you tonight? I could rearrange them if you’d like”

You heard your lover speak out there thoughts, there eyes locking with yours, those beautiful black and star dust filled eyes staring at you, as if you were a diamond in front of them.

You were a diamond to them, worth more then any star in the sky.

“No that’s alright, I think they are quite beautiful the way they are. why do you ask?”

Your perplexed confused face had made them chuckle, slightly grazing there hand on your back. The celestial scooted closer to you, pulling you into a side hug with there much larger hand.

“You seemed lost in thought, is something in that mortal brain of yours bothering you”

Yet again your lover asked if you were alright, there long white locks flowing like they was submerged into water. You didn’t bring yourself to speak, worried that it might upset the godlike being you have come to love. You did not want to hurt there gentle soul.

“Am..am I a burden?”

They paused, eyes pitch black filled with star dust first showed confusion, morphing into a angered glare.

“Now who told you that dear..”

You didn’t want to worry them, brushing the question off to look back up at the stars.

But you’ve said to much.

Two hands snatched your body upwards, forcefully being sat down in front of the god. They were…confused, angered.

They were concealing it well

“Who told you that.”

The darker there voice got, the more you could feel the cold hand on you waist start to become warm, the temperature rising with the boiling point of there rage caged inside.

“Celeste your hurting me”

There grip tightened.

“Theres nothing to worry about my little comet, I just want to know who made my sweet one feel that they are a burden”

It started to sting, there clawed like hands digging into you waist and shoulder.

“Who ever they are, they are nothing compared to how pure as you are, do not listen to such a low life disgusting pig who doesn’t even know what there talking about”

“Celeste your scaring me”

“Because I know. I know your worth much more then anything down here and up in the farthest places of the many, MANY galaxy’s. No star can compete with you.”

“Celeste-“

“And who ever told you that. I-“

“CELESTE!”

The bruise on your waist and shoulder throbs in pain as you wiggles out of there grip for only then they had snapped out of there delusion when your presence was no longer in there reach.

Silence.

They only stared at there hands, the blackened fingers that slowly turned a light purplish white the farther it went of there arm.

“I’m..truly sorry for the way I acted..do not..”

You were swiftly pulled into there embrace, there hair that was moving rapidly steadied itself with your calming presence.

“Do not feel as if you have to tell me. I did not mean to frighten you my dove.”

The comforting sensation of there hands massaging your back was soothing, the fear swelling in your being subsiding.

…

“Yours safe from everything my love”

“As long as your in my arms”

[pureleafpeachtea]

Im gonna say something about sanders sides.

Because here's the thing. I love sanders sides. I grew up alongside it, i introduced friends to it. But im so, so tired.

Its been what, 3 years since we got an episode? And im not counting the ads, or the most recent aside. 3 years since we got actual content continuing the main storyline.

Its so frustrating. Thomas tells us nothing. No idea what hes working on, no timelines to expect, nothing. We're working with crumbs here.

He keeps putting out ads and i used to be excited about them, because who doesnt love merch for your favourite show? Especially a niche one. Official merch, supporting the creator you love, etc. All great things. But when hes posting ads but no actual content, it becomes less exciting and more... sketchy. Like. I dont like the idea of continuing to sell merch for a show that you havent made in years. It feels cheap.

I have a lot of more articulate thoughts that i will eventually articulate but at this point its just frustration. The show was good, it was really good! It had its flaws but overall its a good show. Loveable characters. Compelling plotlines. At this point i dont think we'll ever see the resolution of romans plot.

I thought they were finally gonna address it, it felt like they were building to it, but then they switched to pattons control issues, logans anger issues, virgils (for lack of a better word) anxiety. And while i like those plotlines, it feels like he got swept to the side, a bit. And Roman was never my favourite character but seeing the way hes treated in the show makes me kinda sad. Like theres so much potential. And if the season finale resolves the orange side and logans anger issues and virgils stuff and then after that we can focus on roman a bit? Then great. But when will that be? 2030?

I loved sanders sides. I still do. But the humour is getting dated, and my goodwill is running out. I dont watch any other thomas sanders content. I dont really care about it, tbh. And im getting tired of waiting for another episode of the sides.

I just wish he would say something. Give us some sort of information about whats going on and what to expect instead of serving us ads and filler and in-character livestreams

Idk. Im just so tired. This story and the fandom deserves better

[bobattef]

Kylo

“Me? But I’ve not long come back from Mission Control, I’ve barely been signed off 2minutes!”

You plead at your commander but he has no time for your excuses.

“You have been called up personally for this, what else can I say?”

For a start, you can explain what this mission is exactly.

You think to yourself, not out loud of course. You know not to answer back your commander.

Instead, you grab your helmet, not even having time to clean it, you trudge down the corridor to General Hux’s quarters.

You were looking forward to a bit of time off after the last mission, yes it was successful but it was tiring one.

You sigh out loud as you round the corner of the halls, your boots almost dragging across the grid floor.

You’re met with 3 other personnel there. 1 other pilot and 2 storm troopers.

Great. 

You think to yourself, you’ve never gotten along with any stormer trooper before. It was like theres some sort of built in competition between you, a TIE pilot and the troopers, but you both serve the First Order so have to put your differences aside. Especially on missions.

And ones that only needed 4 of you to complete.

Two of them are in a low humming of a convo as you nod towards your fellow pilot,

DS-62 

you note their ID number on their badge. 

I don’t think we’ve flown together.

You try to remember previous missions or training exercises but your thoughts are cut off as the door you’re gathered outside of, hisses open and you almost step back in fright at seeing him.

The supreme leader. 

Kylo Ren.

You’ve never interacted with him before, just caught glimpses of him from a far. 

His presence is always felt, no matter the distance between you both.

He towers over you, despite you wearing your combat boots which usually give you a little aid in height but he’s so tall, broad shoulders too. 

No wonder there’s a silence that falls over you all stood there waiting. 

He tilts his head to the side, looking you up and down, as if he has a built in scanner inside the mask.

Not saying a word, you look up at where his lenses are, hoping he doesn’t take the full eye contact you’re giving him as disrespectful or anything. 

“Hmm” he almost scoffs as he walks away, the sound of his heavy boots almost matching the sound of your heart beating inside your ears.

What was that about?? You try not to show the others your feelings through your facial expressions and are glad when you hear General Hux calling out for you all to enter the quarters.

“Take a seat” he continues as he powers up the holoprojecter.

You choose to sit right next to your fellow pilot as the two troopers sit on the opposite side.

Already the competition has started. 

You spend the next 20 mins or so listening to the General’s explanation about what he wants from you.

It’s a simple rescue mission.

Hence the low number of team members.

It’ll be a stealth one also.

Which is why he asked for you and DS-62 personally.

Both of you have a 100% win form on your pilots license.

“If this is a simple fly in, pick-up rescue, then why do we have two storm troopers here?” DS-62 asks the question that was on your mind too.

“It’s stealth, but not easy” Hux smiles but there’s no humour behind it at all.

“Think of them as a ‘back up’ for just in case” he uses his fingers in the air to quote the back up.

“Just two interceptors?” you pipe up. 

“Correct” Hux replies.

“And where are we expected to fit the accompanying troopers on board each one?” You enquire, the General goes to speak but the door behind you all hisses open again.

“There’ll be in my ship” a voice bellows out.

Even behind his mask, using a modulator, Kylo Ren’s voice almost vibrates through him.

Your eyes don’t leave him as your fellow pilot turns back to the general “and to which planet are we flying to for this rescue mission?”

“Hosnian Prime” Kylo and Hux both answer in sync as your heart drops at the name.

Your home planet…

***

Your hands are shaking slightly as you start to power up your interceptor.

Just focus on the mission.

You tell yourself. 

No-one, nothing, else.

You get the go ahead by your ground hog, he waves you out of the base onboard StarKiller and as you pull away, you glance at your rear cameras, always taken aback at the sheer size of the thing!

Much different to the tiny cock pit you’re sat up in snugly right now.

After punching in the coordinates, you set off to the Hosnian system.

You haven’t returned since you were taken or ‘saved’ is how the first order tell others.

You were only 16 but already your life hit a rut being on the planet Hosnian Prime. 

The first order had its cons for sure but still, you wouldn’t have seen even a smidgen of the many planets you’ve traveled to since joining them.

Your memories flashing through your mind takes up the time it spent to get there and as you’re flying through the atmosphere, you see Kylo’s Command Shuttle fly next to you.

“Stay close” his voice sounding so monotone over the coms piece.

He chooses to land just outside the main hustle and bustle of the city.

This place hasn’t changed in the slightness in the short time you’ve been away.

“We’ll go in by foot” he says once you’ve powered down the ships.

You don’t like the sound of this.

You’re a pilot, flying is what you do.

You’re not a ground trooper.

You look at the storm troopers that have pulled their blasters out their holsters now, and you hope they give even an ounce of care for you.

***

Simple rescue mission my ass.

You curse internally as you’re crouched down in between two land speeders that have been taking the brunt of the blaster fire coming your way.

The troopers didn’t last 5 mins, they really just are hired for cannon fodder these days.

You don’t even know if DS-62 is ok,  he got hit and fell somewhere behind the main doors you had managed to get though to find this so-called person in need of rescuing.

Kylo was up ahead, you were hoping it was due to him that you heard others screaming in pain.

You heard the buzz of his lightsaber a few times so it must be him!

I bet he doesn’t even know you’re not dead like the others.

You look around, trying to find a way out of the many blaster bullets flying past you. 

It’ll be fitting to die on the soils that you were birthed on.

You think to yourself but quicky realise the blaster bullets have stopped.

You don’t want to peer up from your little shelter you’ve been crouched under.

It could be a trap but as you start to count down from 20, getting ready to peep a glance, the land speeder, which now riddled with blaster scorches, gets pushed out the way, revealing your hiding place.

“Who’s this?” 

You force yourself to look up at the voice and see an old-ish man looking down on you.

“I’m, er, my name is” you start to stutter as you are convinced these will be your last words but a familiar voice shouts out from behind the mystery man.

“She’s with us, now let’s move!” 

It was Kylo, holding up the man, as he was clearly injured.

You make your way through the city streets. 

“It’s too risky to go to the ships now, we must lose them first” Kylo tells you as you round another sharp corner and down another dark alleyway.

“We need somewhere to lay low. And to fix you up” Kylo says to the man.

Wait…you know where you are.

“Follow me” 

You tell them both as you sense both their uncertainty.

Miraculously, you had ran into your old ends of the neighbourhood. 

“Here” you were whispering now as you click the door open, remembering the code after all this time.

Kylo sat the man down on what looked like an old cabin bed as the dust that had settled there erupted under its disturbance.

He looked around at any openings or windows that you would be caught through but there were none.

Instead he quickly worked out this was a lower grade apartment in the rougher areas of Prime.

What you would call ‘home’.

It had been a long while, but the electricity buzzed alive when you switched the main circuit on.

You tried the tap attached to the small sink but air came out instead.

“Dank Ferrick!” you let out a frustrated sigh “no running water I’m afraid, the tank must of seized up after all this time”

“This is your home?” Kylo asks you, walking towards you.

You’re quickly reminded about the sheer size of him.

“Er, was” you clear your throat “before I joined the first order” 

He doesn’t say anything to you. 

Just keeps his helmet bearing down on yours.

“How long we staying here?” the man asks, looking around at the sad looking decor.

“Do you have a medi-kit?” Kylo asks you but you’re already walking over to the chest you had left here.

Rummaging around you find an old box of medi supplies.

“The bacta shot might be a bit iffy but I have bandages” you tell your supreme leader as you see to the injured man. 

Basic first aid training was always given to those serving in the first order.

And you do your best with what supplies you had to fix up the man’s blaster scold he has on his hip.

“You’re lucky it didn’t penetrate the skin” you tell them both as you walk over to the sink, dumping the used supplies into it.

“Think you can move out yet?” Kylo asks him but the man has started to shut his eyes whilst laying on your old bed.

“Perhaps a little rest will help the pain settle?” you say out loud, feeling the day catching up with you also.

“2 hours. Tops!” Kylo replies to you as he stalks over the corner of the room, leaning against a few of the crates stacked there.

You don’t realise that his eyes are focused on you as you click the release button on your helmet.

It hisses as you lift it above your head, you sighing in sync with it.

You did like your pilots bucket but it’s been about 4 hours since you put it on last, that’s a bit too long for you.

Shaking your hair out of the shape it had stuck to underneath you wish that tap had just a little bit of water inside it still.

Kylo’s eyes are still on you as you sink down on the pile of old clothes and bits, you’re so tired this feels like the softest bedding you’ve ever laid upon.

You go to kickoff your boots but think better of it, that might be too much.

You look over at where Kylo was perched up with the crates. You can’t work out exactly, as the lights are so dim in here, but you’re sure he his staring right back at you.

“You ok?” you ask him quietly, trying not to wake the man.

But he doesn’t say a word.

“Are you injured??” you ask him, suddenly sounding so caring.

“No” he breaths out through his modulator.

“You?” he asks back, after a long pause.

“No…surprisingly” you scoff at your luck.

“Wasn’t exactly prepped for an ambush” you don’t mean to sound so cold but you most definitely needed more than the small number of personnel you were given on this mission.

“Nor did I” Kylo answers back, softly. Like he has an ounce of compassion behind that mask of his. 

“I hope he’s worth this” you call out to the dark, whilst looking to where the man was snoozing on your old bed.

“He is” is all Kylo says back, you hear his footsteps move closer to where you’re laid on the ground.

You go to ask if he wants a few bits of clothing to make up a bed but before you can open your mouth you feel the weight of him shift as he sits down on the same pile you’re on.

You stare up at the low ceiling as your mind starts wondering.

It suddenly becomes very hot inside your old apartment, which is ironic as it’s always been on the cold side before.

You hear his breathing change slightly under his mask.

You’re touching armour to armour as this make shift bed isn’t quite big enough for two people, especially one of Kylo’s size.

“Everything ok officer?” His voice sounding a lot more raspy than usual.

You’re not sure if he can see you in the darkness but you nod your head anyways.

You feel him move again as this time he faces you.

You see the lines in his mask lighting up crimson red from where it was damaged previously.

You never knew how and quite frankly, didn’t have the courage to ask which is why you shocked yourself when you did say what you said to him out loud.

“How’d you get these?” your voice barley a whisper.

“Hmm?” He replies. 

Is he falling asleep? 

You bring your hand up to his helmet.  

Lightly guiding your hand over the patched up crack it clearly took in the past and you’re sure you hear Kylo stop breathing for a second.

You almost gasp out as you feel a gloved hand grab your wrist, pulling you away from your touch.

“I’m…im sorry” you gulp.

What were you thinking, you can’t touch the supreme leader like this?!

You hear a click of his tongue behind his mask.

“Rest if you intend on resting” is all he answers he places your hand back down by your side.

You do what you’re told as your worries about going too far with him disappear behind your eyelids.

***

Sunrise is still a few hours away.

Kylo was adamant that 2 hours was enough but it had been more like 4 hours.

You had both definitely dozed off.

You work your way back out the outer circles of the city and the familiar shape of your interceptor comes into view.

“My ship!” Kylo shouts as you turn back to look at yours. 

It’s the first thing he’s said to you since your little hiccup back at your old apartment.

Climbing up the ramp into his, you feel a pang of sadness.

Yes interceptors were almost all the same but you had flown that particular one on your last 4 missions and had the set up down to a tee.

The man, walking with out aid now, joins you both inside the shuttle.

You’ve never set foot inside this ship.

You’ve never really wanted to.

But if Kylo orders you to do something, you do it.

You feel the pull in the pit of your stomach as the shuttle pulls away from your home planet and into the darkness of the night sky.

After being so annoyed with your helmet before, you’re glad for it now, as it’s great at hiding the way you’re chewing on your lip with worry. 

You overstepped your mark last night, will there be any consequences?

It doesn’t seem to take long to reach the Starkiller base once again.

You’re met with General Hux and a few other troopers when you step off the command shuttle.

“Congratulations pilot” your commander stretching out a hand to shake yours.

“You made it back, unscathed too” 

“Yeah..thanks sir” you don’t mean to answer so nonchalantly but you’re still a bit pissed that you were sent in blind.

Kylo doesn’t even glance towards you as he follows the medic officers with the man you had both rescued.

But you don’t care.

You have returned back to base and a hot steamy shower is calling you.

***

Why can’t you sleep?

It’s been a long ass couple of days.

Back to back missions, with the last ones events still replaying in your head.

I can’t believe you caressed the supreme leaders face!

You get up from your bed in annoyance with yourself. 

It’s 4:05am.

Not far off 6am, the time your alarm would be going off, so what’s the point of a few extra hours of being awake.

You get dressed into your slacks, hoping you get a few days off round base to chill out.

Walking around the corridors of Starkiller at this time is so eerie.

You see 2 other troopers on your travels, night shifters.

They watch as you walk past, staring through their bug looking helmets as you just trudge along, with no purpose.

You have no idea where you’re walking to, maybe just up another level and round again and then you’ll head back to your quarters.

Just as you press the button for the elevator up, the door slid open and you see Kylo ready to step out, without his helmet on.

You take a few moments to take in his features, you’ve never seen him without his helmet on.

His hair is dark, almost falling over his eyes as he leans his head down towards you.

His face sporting a scar down the right side, almost mimicking the crack on his helmet, you note.

But it doesn’t make him any less handsome.

His eyes are on you also, they drop the entire length of your body and then back up to your gaze that’s still set on him.

You don’t say a word.

The elevator dings shut and carries on its journey, without you in it.

“Condolences on losing DS-62” he starts to say, breaking the silence that had fallen across the floor.

“Huh?…oh yeah, er, thanks” you almost had to pull yourself out of your concentration on his face.

“It was wrong of us to go in so unprepared” his face changing to match the seriousness of this conversation.

“Uh huh” you really don’t know what to say. You’ve heard stories of him ending other troopers lives for speaking ill against him so you stay quiet about your complaints of yesterdays mission.

Already feeling on edge about the interaction you both had yesterday.

“I was just coming to find you, to inform you about er…” he can’t seem to finish his sentence.

“Were you? Were you headed somewhere?” he asks you.

“Er yeah, well no, not really” you tell him without elaborating further.

“Can I walk you back to your room?” But it sounds more like a command rather than a question.

“Erm…sure” you shrug, unsure on what to answer him.

You turn on your heels immediately and he follows behind you, his longer strides managing to catch up with you easily.

You swallow down a deep breath, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed with questions.

Why is Kylo walking you back to your room?

What’s he got planned?

Is he going to end you within the quietness of your 4 walls? 

You were a fool to touch him.

Maybe the First Order doesn’t want any survivors of this last mission?

You were the only one…

You can practically hear your blood pumping in your ears.

Your heart is beating a lot faster than it should be considering you’re in a slow paced walk.

You glance up at Kylo nervously, only for you to notice he’s staring right down at you, not breaking the eye contact at all.

Your cheeks start to heat.

What is going on??

You think to yourself, looking back down at the ground again.

***

You soon reach your quarters, turning to face Kylo, your back flushed up against the door panel.

Unsure on how to bid farewell to someone as important as him in the First Order, he’s basically royalty.

You’re about to tell him goodbye when he speaks first. 

“Can I come in?” his voice sounds so deep, so low without his modulator.

“You want to come in?” you ask him back, you have no idea what to say, your body starts to go into fight or flight mode.

Kylo doesn’t say a word to you, just keeps his gazed trained down on yours, waiting for an answer.

You even shock yourself when it doesn’t take much time to nod “yes”.

Punching in the code to unlock your room door, trying to steady the shaking of your hands.

Adrenaline is pumping around your body, are you about to fight the supreme leader?

Can you even fight the supreme leader?

You’re trained in combat before you’re trained to fly.

Fighting is and always will be a part of an officers life in the First Order but you’ve never been trained to fight against someone like Kylo Ren.

You quickly scout the layout of your room, patrols don’t do room checks like they used to in training but you’ll be shamed if it wasn’t up to scratch when the Supreme Leader is here.

You stand at the wall by the door, quick exit maybe in your thinking.

Kylo walks over towards your bed, he turns to face you but instead of saying anything he sits down on the edge of the mattress.

You really don’t know what your next move should be but it’s like he can read your uncertainty on your face.

You watch him as he raises a gloved hand to signal you over.

Your feet carry you without a 2nd thought, stopping just before him, your eyes not moving away from his.

You’re holding your breath now, is he going to strike you down?

“I can read your ID number, but what’s your name officer…”

His voice making you search his face for his next move.

“Er, Y/N” you manage to tell the supreme leader.

“Can I touch you Y/N?” He tilts his head to the side, waiting for an answer.

You’re taken a back, touch you?? 

What does he mean touch you?

You can’t seem to find any words to answer him so just nod your head at him.

He wastes no time to wrap his hand around your wrist, like he did the previous night.

Pulling your hand up to his face, his eyes close as he guides your fingers alongside the scar he has there.

You hitch a breath, you really aren’t prepared for this.

“It was a lightsaber…” Kylo starts to tell you. Now watching your eyes widen as you let out a breath.

“A…lightsaber??” You enquire further.

“Mmm hmm, a Jedi’s lightsaber” he finishes.

You don’t even want to ask who the Jedi was that was brave enough to strike Kylo so aggressively on the face.

You’re sure they’re good as dead!

You soon get cut off by your thoughts as Kylo uses his other hand to grab a hold of a loop in your belt and pull you closer to him. 

You’re standing in between his legs now, his face not that far from yours due to the obvious size difference between you both.

He reaches up to grab at the zipper that was slightly undone on your slacks, pulling it down slowly he watches as it moves over the curves of your chest and pauses just above your navel.

Your eyes stay on him as he pulls the fabric off both your shoulders, you pull your arms out in instinct.

It’s been a long while since you’ve been touched by another.

Kylo slips his fingers inside your waist band and continues to pull your all in one slack suit down, helping you by lifting each one of your legs out the clothing.  

The way he wraps a large hand of his around the back of each thigh so delicately makes your heart beat faster.

You’re now stood in front of the supreme leader in your undershorts and a crop top, something you’ve always worn under slacks, never knowing it’ll be shown to him, to anyone!

He takes in a moment to drink the sight of you in, the armour that you wore in yesterdays mission gave him glimpse of the curves you had underneath it but he was taken aback by the way your body dipped in all the right places.

He wraps both his hands around your waist, you close your eyes at the feeling of the leather on your bare skin but not for long as Kylo seems to turn you around so you’re facing back to him.

You catch his face in the mirror you had on the opposite side of the room, his eyes are deep pools of black, his pupils practically the same size as his Iris now.

Like how a predator looks at his prey.

Still with a grip on you, Kylo bends you at the waist, placing his legs in between yours now, he pulls you down to sit on his lap.

Your legs dangle either side of his, you can barley touch the ground like this.

Gloved hands of his snake around your thighs, moving higher towards your clothed centre and as you suck in a breath, awaiting him to stroke you there, he surprises you by opening his legs wide, causing your own to spread along with them.

You’re sure he let out a low chuckle as he now can see your face in the mirrors reflection opposite you both. 

You’re unsure where to place your own hands. They were resting on top of your legs but now they’ve been spread apart, you choose to place them behind you on the bed, causing you to stick out your chest as your back arches.

Kylo’s hands start to move up once more, caressing your skin so lightly over your waist, your stomach, over your breasts.

Pulling your crop top down, he pulls slightly on one of your nipples as they harden in pleasure at the supreme leaders touch.

Your head falls back slightly to rest on his shoulder as you start to feel your self start to soak your underwear.

Kylo’s hand grabs you at your chin and pulls your head forward once more.

“Eyes on front” he whispers to you. His lips are so close to your ear as he talks to you that goosebumps start to form across your skin.

“You’re going to watch. Understand?”

You swallow down your answer, you have no words right now.

With one hand on your hip, Kylo moves the other to stroke you lightly through your undershorts.

You bite your lip as you’re too scared to make a sound.

He wants you to watch him, watch yourself in the mirror but you’re unsure if there are any other rules to this game he has you both playing.

His face looks feral as it stares back at you, his fingers have started to pick up their pace and the way he moves them in a circular motion, it causes friction between the fabric and your now swollen clit.

You don’t mean to whimper but you can’t remember the last time you had anothers hands down there apart from your own.

“Mmm, that’s it pretty girl” Kylo almost grunts out as you can feel his hardness grow through his leathers beneath where you are sat.

“Can you make some noise for me?” his lips graze your neck ever so lightly as he whispers those words to you.

Your eyes almost flutter shut in ecstasy but you remember his command from earlier,

Eyes on him…

It’s like he knows a distraction ploy to lull you out the wanting to close your eyes on him, he slips past the fabric of your undershorts and in one quick movement he’s suddenly knuckles deep inside you with two of his gloved fingers.

You cry out at the sudden stretch and the feeling of his leather delving inside you is a sensation you’ve never felt before.

Kylo must of like the sound that fell from your lips as he bucks his hips up into you, the hardness of his cock straining against the fabric in between you both.

“Maker” he rasps out. Enjoying this just as much as you are and you’re not even touching him.

He swiftly moves his fingers in and out of you, the noises that fill your room are lewd.

Cries of pleasure from you,

The wet sounds of your cunt as it contracts around the supreme leaders fingers,

Him grunting at you as you start to move your hips back and forth slightly.

Your eyes still stay on him, watching as his face is  awashed with pleasure just as much as your own is.

You’d never thought this would be as hot as it is.

Feeling that familiar feeling start to build up deep inside you as Kylo switches from his fingers penetrating you, to his thumb rubbing circles on your clit. 

Your fingers digging into his own thighs now as you’ve had to grip them to hold yourself steady on his lap.

“Ah…maker…I’m” you try to tell him, try to let him know you’re close but you can’t seem to string a sentence together right now. 

“Mmm pretty girl, what? What’s is it?” Kylo’s voice is low and rumbles through you both.

“I think…I think I’m going to…ah!” You’re so close, it’s right there, the heat rising inside you, waiting to spill out over your supreme leaders fingers.

Just as you’re about to hit that high, Kylo quickly retracts his fingers from you, your cunt pulsates at the sudden loss of him inside you.

Your eyes fly open as you didn’t realise you had them shut.

You’re panting, trying to catch your breath enough to ask him what’s the deal. Why did he stop?

As Kylo clicks his tongue at you, it’s like it causes your brain to click also.

You didn’t have your eyes on him…

“I told you, to keep your eyes on me” His voice sounded so chilling.

You gulp, you think about apologising, begging him to put his hands back on you, inside you but you just stare into his eyes through the mirror.

You can’t read him. You can’t work out what he’s thinking.

Your legs almost buckle as he moves his own out away from where you’re sat upon them. 

Quick reaction times stop you from hitting the floor face first but your knees take the brunt of it, hitting the cold floor beneath you.  

“I’m..im sorry” you can’t even look at him. 

You’re unsure just how mad he is at you right now.

He’s still sat where he was before and as you feel brave enough to look up at him you watch him lean back slightly on the bed, fumbling with his utility belt, he pulls the leather strap out in one long motion. 

The buckle hitting every loop on its way out.

Your eyes widen as he grasps you by the throat, pulling you up on your feet as he stands from your bed. 

“I told you, eyes on me” he repeats himself.

Like he needs to let you truly understand his reasoning for what he’s about to do.

He’s behind you now, your back is flushed with his chest and you’re so close you can still feel his cock pushing up against the small of your back.

Grabbing you by both wrists, he pulls each arm of yours round to the back of you, creating a space between you.

The muscles in your arms sting slightly at the angle they have been pulled in, using just one hand he has both of yours held tightly together.

Kylo then proceeds to wrap his belt around your wrists, quickly working the leather into some sort of make shift pair of binders.

He pulls the strap, the tightness of the leather stinging your skin as he does.

You don’t say a word to him.

You don’t know what to say to him.

You wish you can see his face, try to work out what he’s thinking.

You must of been too deep in thought that you don’t quite comprehend how he did it so quickly but he’s sat back down on your bed like before.

Except with you being sat upon his lap, you’re now laid across it, stomach down, your legs try to hold themselves up by your tiptoes.

Your try to free your hands, you need to hold on as you’re unstable like this but Kylo places a hand on the small of your back, pressing you into his lap.

“You’re going to count…do you understand me?” He’s lost the lust that was oozing from his voice a few moments ago, the scary, intimidating Kylo Ren is back.

Grabbing your hair by one of your braids Kylo makes you face him “do you understand?” he repeats himself to you.

The grasp he has on your hair causes the movement of your head to sting as you nod in answer.

“3 counts…ok?” he asks you but he doesn’t need an answer.

He’s in control now, he’s been in control this whole time.

You can’t seem to keep still as you’re laid over the supreme leaders thighs, trying to get some sort of grip on your feet on the ground but it’s no use.

That’s when you feel it, or do you hear it first?

You’re not quite sure.

But the instant burning sensation on your right ass cheek has seem to of frozen your body in place.

He struck you!

He full on slapped you on your bare flesh.

You’re not sure what you expected being held in this position and for going against the Supreme Leaders orders but it comes as a shock to you. 

Your eyes start to water as the pain from the hit of his gloved hand almost ripples through your body.

“Count!” Kylo almost bellowing now as he pulls on your hair once more to prompt you.

“I..er…one!” your voice cracks as you speak.

“Good girl” your supreme leader coos at you rubbing the very spot of flesh where he landed his blow.

The sudden soothing voice takes you aback.

If this is a punishment then why is it making you wetter than before.

Your mind starts racing like a ship flying through hyperspace, is this turning you on?

“2 more to go pretty girl, you ready?” Kylo’s voice rings through your ears that are filled with the noise of your blood pumping.

“Yes supreme leader” you answer him.

[sleepdeprivedvigilante]

Ok but theres TWO characters, TWO CHARACTERS, who give me the same fucking vibe.

Damian Wayne and Selwyn Kane

LISTEN- THEY ARE BOTH SELF-LOATHING BLACK HAIRED TEENAGERS THAT HAVE TO DO WITH SOMETHING "demon"OR POWERS THROUGH A SIDE OF THE FAMILY.

They both were forced into the roles of soldier/Bodyguard/Assasin/vigilante at a young age, and sure you can argue for damian that it was bound to happen or else he would have risked himself and he already raised as an assasin, same with selwyn, If he wasnt oathed to nick he would have transformed into a full demon he didnt really get a choice and he ddint want to loose his humanity.

SEE:

-Both forced into roles that no chikd should be put through, highly dangerous and/or with high manipulation and torture

-Both didn't get a choice even if they "had " to choose. Damian was already soon of the Bat and he was already raised a ninja, groomed to be heir of both. Selwyn the son of a merlin who since his birth was groomed to become the Kingsmage, who as a child got sent to live with this Family and tasked to protect A community of die/loose his humanity.

-Both have deep trauma and self-loathing.

Like, Damian feels the guilt over the deaths on his shoulders fron when he was a child assasin, thats very deep guilt, mixed with his families treatment him,(not all bad but they could do better), he has very self sacrificial tendencies seeing himself as expendable and preferring others lifes over his own (In a very concerning level of suicidal ideation).

Sel has a similar deal, he deals with a lot of pain and grief from how he treated Bree to his mother abandoning him mixed with the regents and legenborns abuse of him, that and he feeks pain and doesnt show it and he makes choices and sacrifices himself especially due to that guilt.

-Both got them mommy issues

We dont know that much about Sels mother apart from that she can resist turning and she was friends with brees mother, we have few glimpses of her but thats it. We know this, Sel feels deep grief and pain over loosing her, he also is upset that she didn't come back for him, and angry on her behalf cause he can and cant justify her actions.

we have more information about damians mom and we know she loved him and its mutual, but Damian did get dropped off at his father after years, they didnt even meet until certain age for Damian, Damian was also trained since birth and he loves his mom, he cant condone her actions, he cant justify them and it pains him because its still his mom.

-They both are Dry humoured Emotionally constipated Teenager emos.

BOTH their characters are very angsty and dramatic but have a sense of dry humour and comedy.

Like Sometimes its cruel due to being defensive and sometimes its funny saracasm or something just makes them so done. Like Sel after bree told him to say something and he did exactly that, or the jokes they have,same with damian, Like the joke about the crowbar to jason in robin 2021, there he was defensive and trying to get the rise out of someone but it was dry cruel humour, very funny and also their humour is a mix of angst and "Try me bitch" so they will say espontaneous shit thats funny or obvious sarcasm mixed with the joke of "I need therapy" Because thats their mindset (And no Damian wayne is not the feral eight year old brat that cant ever laugh that some people think he is,he is a teenager and has developed well through the comics)

-They are self aware as fuck and idiots.

They can probably go on and say the most concerning shit about their childhood like being raised as an assasin or taken as a child. Selwyn joked about trying to help bree when she needs Just a much therapy than him or even more, and then he jokes saying no one needs more therapy than him, and then theres damian talking/Thinking about his childhood and sometimes realizing how messed up it was, or how it upset him to do certain things.

-They both are dramtic as shit and speak with a fancy air.

Like holy shit (I do too but i read too much) the calling people Full names or fancy titles miced with spite, or the way they speak bejng all "Thine thou shant" dramatic, or how damian Would give a speech to jason to electrocute him dramatically or Sel just being sel edgy.

Anyways theres a lot of similarities and differences but this characters are literally same.

[sassykinzonline]

sorry for two asks 🫣

but i want to go through sasuke’s side of sns wholly. and things people miss, such as him also being a freak for naruto and obsessive too, what do you think people often dont get about your side of sns?

im free this week so im gonna get s bunch done lol

dont be sorry i love asks and i love your asks especially.

personally i think theres a misconception in whats my inherent character and how that contributes to sns? i think that a lot of people make my reaction to trauma my character, so they get caught up in the way i was in shippuden even though its made very clear that that was maladaptive coping on my part. its also made clear that naruto's role in my life is to force me out of that, and bring me back to my natural self-- someone just as energetic, passionate, curious, clumsy, and humourous as he can be but just in a different way.

continuing on from that, that means that my part in the dynamic "post-trauma" would no longer be the "getting chased" one, but the "chaser" considering that a) thats who i was initially and b) i was always the more proactive one between the two of us, while hes more reactive. there's a bit of a reverse in the way people interpret our personalities where actually naruto tends to be pretty shy and nervous in certain settings where im the one who takes the first step. its pointed out as out of character when i retreat, which it would be. a great example of this is in the forest of death, where naruto loses it because i start retreating and showing fear. another example is when itachi tries to get him, and i immediately run at itachi while naruto is seen hesitating. then theres my response to naruto's confession and my accepting of his feelings, where i not only draw parallels between naruto and my brother (the fact that im always chasing them), but between sakura's feelings for me (looking at my and naruto's backs) and my feelings for naruto. theres even more moments during the great war, but i'll let you see what i mean.

[fruitybashir]

OMG, WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MAJA THINKS OF BOJAN!!

also, we only saw a glimpse of Bojan's sister and I wonder what she talked to bojan about to make her smile at Kris 👀

omg yeah uhhh to be honest when i started the fic i kinda just. forgot kris had a sister 💀 and i only realised after the first family dinner was already written so it was already too late ... so uh. but also i dont know enough about her to confidently be able to write her? and i dont wanna go out of my way to find more info on her tbh since shes still pretty young, and that would feel a little ... idk.

wait rest under the cut bc its getting long again oops

maybe in terms of the fic lets just say maybe shes on some sort of exchange program or something? but for the one id make up in the fanfic, i imagine she would get along with bojan, maybe even really bond with him when she comes back, same humour and level of mischief so shed hog his attention whenever theres family events, joke about stealing kris' boyfriend but also they form an older brother/younger sister bond and just to annoy kris, sometimes she would say that actually, shes kicking kris out of the family and bojan is her oldest brother now.

idk im just making shit up as im typing this hdkckd

for bojans sister and than conversation; the conversation was just general small talk, just catching up on work stories at bojans job, how his studies are going, gossip about what her coworkers said yesterday, just stuff like that. bojan definitely talks to his sister about kris, often, but he doesnt specify anything about the nature of their relationship. she definitely has her guesses and when she sees kris on the couch in a shirt shes definitely seen bojan wear on multiple occasions, she feels confirmed in her theory that kris is bojans boyfriend. (ofc she doesnt know that that isnt the case when she was over.)

basically in general the backstory with bojan and his sister is like. i think he definitely came out to her first, then to his parents, like he probably told her at least half a year earlier and shes been pretty supportive from the start. when he comes out to his parents on christmas this isnt news to her.

bojan and his sister keep in regular contact, and since january, bojan has started to talk about kris more and more. he doesnt say anything about their f+ thing, but he does casually mentioning being at kris' place on the phone, and stuff like that, little hints here and there and she just draws her own conclusions from that. she assumes that since being out is still a new thing for bojan, and even though she definitely is supportive, he might still be a little hesitant to introduce an actual boyfriend. which she doesnt mind. shes just happy bojan seems happy and shes patient and just waits for him to tell her so she can act all surprised

when she sees kris at bojan's, she smiles at him both bc she thinks that hey, bojan might not be ready to really tell her about it yet, but hes also not taking active steps to hide it from her and that makes her happy - and to convey the message of "i see you, thanks for making him happy, i 100% support you guys btw, im on your side" hashtag ally 🌈

[catgirl-catboy]

I genuinely want to know what the thought process is with all of the antis who gleefully engage with and consume fiction that has all of the hallmark "proship" themes - incest, underage/age gaps, noncon/dubcon, etc - and why they're so happy to consume these things in official media while condemning fan creators for doing the same things. Like, I'm in a fandom where the source material has LOADS of incest. There's a bunch of brothers and the canon material is not in the least bit shy about all the incesty themes and incesty humour. One brother actively hits on his other brothers and offers them sex all the time. Another brother is a weeb/otaku who's favorite character in-universe is a loli. The oldest brother has a freaky BDSM thing going on with the second oldest brother. Oh theres also a shota character with canon shotacon subtext. And so on, and so forth, etc. And yet the fandom for this media with ALL of these very canon official things is FULL of antis. Antis who will go on harassment campaigns on anybody who ships the brothers together (from the series that explicitly shows us that they are very incesty brothers) or anybody who "lewds the shota" (from the series with canon shotacon content)

It boggles my mind. And you see it everywhere, in every fandom. I really want to know what kind of mental gymnastics antis are doing where they can excuse themselves for consuming problematic media but then go and send death threats to anyone else who does the exact same thing.

I'd say I'm worse than reading people than average (I have a disorder about it, actually!) but here is my personal 2 cents.

Antis almost invariably hear proshippers disguised as pedophillic boogeyman, and thus everything we do is framed in that lense to them.

Sad thing is, when you think somebody is a horrible person, evidence is cherrypicked to support your conclusion. (and vice versa, I, along w every human on the planet, am guilty of this)

When I write a horrific dead dove piece about sibling incest, its not because I wanted to see more of the squicky dynamic we got in canon bc of how disgusting it is, but because I want to groom my (non-existent) little sister.

And when I tell them that, they either think I'm lying, or trying to trick my followers into doing that.

Its a solid case of confirmation bias, with a side of a superiority complex of being the only one capable of original thought.

[floralkittygambler]

Coming and Going - Some More Vivzie Shit

Before you start, this is an extremely LONG read covering this account, my views of Viv, my content and my relationships within this Godforsaken fandom. This is my most up to date thoughts in 2023 on everything. This is something I feel necessary for me to do.

Contents (in no particular order):

Current Situation

Relationships in the fandom

Why I started this Blog

Thoughts on Viv/co and how they've changed since m previous posts

the fans

future thoughts and moving on

accountability

If any of this interests you, read ahead. Titles will be provided for easier following.

Why I started this blog

Originally this was a blog like any other; art, reblogs n shit. As I grew more into a Viv fan, I started posting fanart and follow blogs on her work. The more I learned the more I hated, and thus I began to become a critic. I was pissed off at viv wasting her potential, and eventually I became just as toxic and shitty as both her hardcore haters and majority of her fans. Some takes were good, some bad, either way I got too involved, too absorbed and let it consume me. Stupidly getting into conflicts, stuff like that. And I became a hardcore hater. I vocalised it. My initial aims long lost. Then I disappeared.

Vivzie, co, all that

I went from adoration to disgust of this lot. Now though, whilst I deeply dislike Viv and her crew, deeply dislike majority of the fans, I just feel... Gross. Hollow. Exhausted. I have a lot to say on Viv and my previous takes but truthfully I am too lazy and too tired and ultimately have better shit to do than go through every little thing right *now*. But I do want to at least cover a few here to do some justice, I guess.

So to skim through a few. Lets go.

Viv tracing. Honestly, tracing is a useful skill but it's bad when you trace another's work, don't credit and claim it as your own. This includes modified tracing (starting with a trace then stylising over it to make it more your style). Having nazi, nonce, etc characters I think people take extreme. These sorts make excellent "love to hate them" villains. Owning such characters isn't a crime. It's how theyre portrayed and the purpose. The nuance - something to constantly keep in mind. Her romanticism sausage party art is yikes. With her age, maturity, humour, I believe she saw this as some kind of fucked up humour, having enough awareness to understand the taboo to hide this stuff yet I do feel this was a stupid kid doing stupid edgy shit. Does that make it right? No. But I definitely dont think Viv is some nonce or nazi supporter. Later finding out how this profile was discovered makes me equally question morality on all sides. Vivs beastiality nonce artwork with the snake tub, Ive seen private dms to solidify that viv admitted to both owning this piece and that it was supposed to be a joke. Once again, I genuinely dont think shes a nonce BUT she needs to realise that if that character was below 18, she has drawn child prawn (censorship whooo) as well as distributed it via sharing online. That's still something really serious and gross. I get her humour is immature and dark, but theres lines you dont cross. And I dont find that art funny in any ways, it genuinely looks like a perverts wank bank rather than funny. Idk if the lad was one of them shapeshifting animals either but being in a human form in this instance does make the portrayal a beastiality one, due to human presenting. That's not cool. As much as I loathe those who would abuse kids or animals, I dont think this is Viv necessarily. Though I believe in this sense, Viv needs to understand and work with her cats more. She's done a lot of wrong shit but false accusations derail from solid proven issues that need addressing. At the least, Im glad the animal pervs and nonce stuff is gone. Heartbreaking that shit is so often heard of. This is the sort of thing Id laugh at as a kid but now Im grown and look after little ones, it fills me with nothing but sickening horror. Whilst vile vile vile, I havent seen anything concrete to prove or imply Viv supporting/participating in such depravity. And I fucking pray it stays that way.

You have apologised in the past. But the way you did so, the way you spoke about it afterwards and the way you are now proves it was insincere. Something to shut 'haters' up.

Viv, with all your shit, neurodiversity and late maturity, you're still yet to change for the better. The people you hang with are some of the most vile, toxic, narcissistic and shitty people. Yes men. You hire fans who'll do anything to please you, which can open the path to abuse (note: CAN, not a definitive, though in this case...). You equally are still a shitty person still. You're coming apart at the seams. Critique and hate aren't the same, and unfortunately you'll need adaptability and tough skin in this world as people can be very cruel. You lie. You twist like a constrictor. Charm the more susceptible. A very well known kissarse of yours on twitter who was quite the bully was followed by yourself, liked tweets then hired. They arent the only one either. Whilst you cannot be responsible for every single fans every single action, their are responsibilities you hold. Dont like tweets that encourage hate, dont reward negative behaviours, check your own public actions and how they may influence (act like a prick and those who admire you will mimic). Behind the scenes, treat people right. Dont play favourites. Always have integrity. Learn to incorporate critiques as well as filter out legitimate hate. I know it's not easy, but it's necessary to survive.

Viv, I can wholeheartedly empathise with receiving harsh hate early on in life and online. I know how that can taint and stunt the mind. But the thing is, you have to eventually break from that. BE responsible. Grow. Ive been toxic before. That's partially why I fixate on some of this. Equally Im angry. You ARE a VERY talented artist with potential. A shitty writer, do work on that (as well as diverse stories to tell - gain those experiences or listen to those who've been there - esp as you're doing this as a living) but when you're passionate about a piece, you're talented. And when you're not, you do what we all do and dole shite out (btw people thought I was bullying Viv when I said her P5 Alastor piece was bad in comparison to her other works. The proportions were awful, you could tell she just wanted it out the way. A startling lack of soul.) From what I've seen, you crave approval and admiration to compensate from the past cruelty. I can empathise. But that shit isnt healthy. And you block yourself from growth. You cultivate a tainted crop. You poison yourself. You sacrifice integrity and the gruelling work of improvement for the instant gratification of worship from fans by bending to their desires and your own at the cost of quality. What couldve been groundbreaking storytelling and visuals is nothing more than a glorified low-level fanfic. Wasted potential. Something I cant stand. I have been harsh as that same method helped me. In doing so, I disregarded your own humanity. I wish I conducted myself better and though I never encouraged abuse, I'm sorry that my words may have contributed to this shit cycle.

Your staff and many of your fans have... Concerning attributes, such as the fetishing of toxic relationships, blurred boundaries, disregard of boundaries, etc. The stark numbers of such unpleasant people flocking you is extremely worrying.

I do deeply dislike you. I do feel you have ultimately caused your own shit - been there - but I do pity you as well. I wish you'd go the effort to be you. To be less try hard. To allow growth and change, diversity, stop petting hatred. Get a better crowd, esp one willing to actually help you to be better by pointing shit out. To stop mass abusing others. I do dislike you greatly. I wish you would do better but all you've been doing is doubling down on shit. I feel Icarus needs to fly closer to the Sun for change to happen. It feels like the only way you may actually ground yourself and smell the roses. I just wish folk could be better as a whole. Sick of shit like this. Whilst no one is perfect, there's still standards to uphold. Growth to be had. Breach stereotypes and fetishes that dehumanise, work on yourself and your relationships with others. Careful on your humour and learn how to execute humour properly. Glad you're not doing beastiality art though. You cant please everyone and shouldnt have to in order to be admired and popular. Just be better. Also hating kids isnt a personality. I get not everyone cares about them but dont take shit too far. They can be gross and annoying but in the end they're just... Children. Theyre learning and growing. You can only hope they bloom into decent people. Admittedly a kid tripping is pretty funny but there's a limit. If you want to portray a creep, don't do anything that endorses their behaviours. Theyre vile, remember. No kid deserves that. Work on financing too. Medicating via shopping is a dangerous road. Dont bend to social pressures (such as getting wasted because friends do if you dont want to). Vet your staff. Better ethics.

Fandom

And the fans are just... A minority are lovely. I had a HuskerDust fan be respectful of our differences and hope the best for them. But the majority I've encountered or witnessed have been off their fucking heads. Often encouraged by Viv or staff. The staff and fans are now claiming that critics are homophobic racists falsely (which implies certain races, sexualities, identities, etc are absolved of criticism - which is both favouritism and it's own form of bigotry. Hell, it's spitting on the real victims of such crimes over mediocre cartoons and digital lunacy). These same people then insult people for... being cis and straight. Firstly, that's also bigotry and a dick move on identity and invalidation, it's also false in some cases (proving folks just spew shit), it demands special treatment for identities when we're all equal and deserve to be treated with equity, it's also just... Weak. Bigots can fuck off BUT many critiques have been about inconsistency in plots, writing and design issues, etc. Nothing pertaining identity.

Fans have been hypocritical like their idol. We're all hypocritical to an extent. But the madness... Ok, Blitzo uses retard (note: neurodivergant and have right to say that word, even then it also means delay "fire retardant" as well as where I live it's not nearly as bad as another term used yet is still fine in the US.) I think this isn't an issue as it can show things or speech patterns of the character. Then fans have falsely accused critics of ableism who either havent used the word, quoting this or even have right to say it yet coddle this fictional character. This was referenced in a recent episode with Blitzo about to call another character (rumours are this nurse is autistic but I do NOT have full confirmation. Pinch of salt!) retard before retracting it as it being unacceptable to say. Blitzo really wouldnt give a shit. Likewise I feel this is one of those permanant grey areas in fiction; is it? Isnt it? in terms of using terms. Of Mice and Men used slurs against black folk, that was to reflect that time and the character's mentalities. Not an author's mirror. Likewise, it wasn't used as humour either. Coming from ONE ND, I couldn't care. I feel this is hyperfocused on over more glaring issues, as well as a benefit of the doubt (being character mindset and possibly not author projection). Feel free to have your own opinions, and I only speak for myself there. I can empathise with those who may feel more sensitive to the word (which is why Im more careful in it's use) but as someone who is also technically affected, I just... Personally dont feel too bothered. Likewise, I'm learning to hold more human compassion and flexibility to error and human flaws rather than perfect standards (again, this wont justify or absolve. And more serious things like an assault doesnt apply. It's daft this needs clarifying, it should be the bare minimal). Not everyone will agree on everything, but there's just some lines that should be a standard. I think the staff and fans overall conduct themselves immaturely, cruelly, and cause harm.

I regret in engaging in some arguments. Not worth it. I think I shouldve been more compassionate to difference yet equally not been so volatile with harassment. HunterGirl's HD discord hate on me is... Something I shouldn't have fed. Hate me, that's fine. But the fact someone so close to Viv allowed the harassment is disappointing and shitty. Bitch behind the scenes but dont go out at people. Likewise behind the scenes talk, dont threaten folk either *Viv* (at one of your ex-staff). Call someone the biggest wanker you know but there are limits you dont cross. As with Viv and co, I once hoped for improvement but I just lack faith in that now and I'd just rather stay away from it all. Too much toxicity I've allowed myself to bathe in and hatred and venom only burns. Only burns more of the same product. It's not worth it. Don't even have the skills or assets to do any good from this either. If I can't help, itd be best to support those who can help whilst staying away from the vitriol. Stick to the facts and my own integrity. It's tiring to be involved in all... this. Again, I can only speak on myself hence why I'm only saying me shit. Any vents can be done to friends but otherwise none of this has resulted in any good. And I contributed to cruelty as well. It aint right.

Friendships

Bit more personal and past. Ive made many nice friends. Friends Im still friends with now, and I thank them. With certain issues arising, theyve been the anchors to ground and account me. Real friends. Friends that deserve to be shown more how appreciated they really are. Thank you. They have guided me into better awareness and accountability. We have our own little group now for art, gaming and hopefully any other group activities. Friend stuff. We'll rant, we'll vent, but we're actually doing friend shit now. Ive hyperfixated enough on negatives. Dragged others into an abyss with me. Its not fair for them.

There is a friend here, I think they dont see my stuff anymore idk. I was warned about them. Through all Ive seen and my experiences, I wish you to get help. Get off tumblr. Get off twitter. Both can be extremely toxic as well as cultivate toxicity. Be accountable. Get help. And focus on you. I still worry for you, though I am disgusted on some of your actions. Treat the living with respect. Learn that people will try to bait you. Let go of paranoia (not easy), confront your past and grow. And please... Dont lie. Dont lie about events that occur as you're creating your own misery. Learn to step back and not be so forceful and preachy. Been there, it's not a good place. Experience a diverse crowd on a human level. And please spend some time away from the internet. People really can be pricks sometimes. Even ourselves. You're also pretty hair trigger and tempered. A bit like me sometimes LOL. Learn to balance that. Trust me.

To mates on here who Ive only spoken to here, if you'd still like to be mates, I can link you our group if you're up for group art and gaming or activities, or to another social media account to chat.

To unanswered asks, I'll try but not promise to address them. Those which ended up deleted, I can only remember the one question sorry. And the answer is Sitri. Sitri would be a good HB replacement for Stolas, he's quite the love/lust expert and a focus on men. Fun chap! I had more for this answer but again, cant be arsed with this shit anymore. Sorry.

I joined a spindle critique group. What I learned is the union from bitterness isnt solid grounds for friendship. I wont go into details as it's a private and resolved matter. I shared the full log to current friends to have a neutral and raw take. These are friends I can trust will yank my chain if Im in the wrong. And they did. They spoke of the wrongs on both sides. These are folks who are guiding me to better. Folks I have trusted with the full log, full transparency. I appreciate you both and take your words into stride daily. To old friends, I would rather friends make their own choices. I never hated you, but was hurt on this other side of you. Likewise Im sorry to make you feel that way. Im sorry to have trauma dumped (recently discovered this term, and using it to manage myself better.) There was only one individual that I was given uneasy vibes on and made that clear from the start. I tried with them. For awhile, I even started to see them as a genuine friend. In the end, we were too clashing. We didn't mesh well. My initial feeling on the situation ultimately felt true. But when I open up about home issues and emotions, I dont want them weaponised. Especially as Ive been doing some irl work to find many holes in my perspective as well as others hard work in being involved with me. Things are different now. Never felt it needed in convo, I was too fixed on my own hurt. Home was self preservation at those times. I regret opening up over some personal issues. None of this absolves me of poorly handling situations and anger issues. Near the end, I felt more wary to be more open on certain things. But I shouldve been a better friend. I never liked how catty things got. Trolled. We all just became knobs in one way or another.

My ask to remove my triggers was me hoping to do good for you. Remove a trigger that would inevitably end up being a large part of the group sooner or later, maybe this summer. Especially as I 'lacked empathy'. I thought I was doing good. I never lied about it, and feel bitter that was twisted. If I explained something, I was wrong. Kept it brief, I was bitchy. I was willing to endure a trigger if it made things easier in the group, and the situation was more than a stupid ship. Ive had triggers Ive adapted to handle better now. And public, you are not entitled to my medical history however we're in an age where youre both valid and entitled to privacy yet must breach privacy to have a voice. I have an ED. A certain word wasn't even allowed in my presence without panic and flashbacks. I was a little girl then. And I managed to slowly ease the trigger word via gradual exposure - a replacement word, spelling the word, and eventually hearing the word. It - and what it has done to me - will always scar me. But I learned to handle it better in my own time. I dont need lecturing on how triggers work. Especially when each case is unique, each 'cure' is personalised. If you want to believe Im full of shit then... Do that. Im sorry for being a shitty friend at times and Im working on that, but outside opinions (note: these are done in private spaces so all parties are anon) have noted flaw on your end too. We all fucked up. The two things below the belt were the trigger claims (hence my example of my own experiences with another trigger) and my private issues shared in confidant are the two things I remain disgusted by. That doesnt justify my frustrations, dumping or behaviour. And my example is not a pity ploy either. We're separate now, and it's best that way.

Overall, being here, in this community and fandom, has done nothing but shit. Fuelled the worst in me and others (from what ive seen in public fandom spaces). I may do art and other creative endevours on spindle, but otherwise good riddance. Even if the purge is painful.

Another friend. Im in their group too. One to improve some creative skills. Appreciate being let in there, though I'll probably mainly lurk for tips. Thank you for allowing me to do so. Wording is honestly growing harder for me each day. It's helping me start the path of better expression.

Current and future

I word shit less. Not here, as this is long overdue. But trying to sum up more efficiently. Spending more time irl to improve myself and my life. Welcoming friends who we both can hold each other accountable and support. Focusing more on stuff to improve as well as enjoy. The world is so dismal. So I spend time doing other stuff. Im already mopey enough. Sorting things to refine and focus on enjoyments. Gaining skills to help others. Experienced some personal griefs/losses. And Im learning that people arent entitled to everything. Not quite there yet but Im learning. Im often in deep pain, so cant always do what I want to get done in a day.

Most likely, I will discontinue this. Besides others have been doing a brilliant job. Dont absorb yourself. You can control much of what you get exposed to, so what you can control, make it good! Have integrity, work on yourselves. Try not to be a dickhead but acknowledge where you are a dickhead and work on that. Balance is key to a healthy mind, take the good with the not so good. Take the time to simply sit outside and observe. Appreciate life. Similarities and differences. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. But have your standards. Learn. Grow.

Im in a lot of pain and have shit to do. Take care. I feel Viv, co, fans will only learn with drastics, haters need to learn empathy (haters as in stalker level folk), old friends Im sorry to hurt and equally feel hurt by. Best we've gone separate ways and moving on. Current friends I appreciate. That one person, please... PLEASE get help. Youre young, man- This shit is going to poison your very core. Make you into something shitty and cruel. And please treat animals with care. Me, still a twat but trying. Embrace truth, compassion and fairness with a firm angle. Or just avoid nasty shit.

Well, cya. Stay well. We're not going to be here forever.

[glamfellens]

Top ten things about Anora Mac Tir, go.

WHOOOOOO BOY

her passion! i really do feel as though she is so devoted and invested in the prosperity and welfare of ferelden and its people. she is willing to go to any length to achieve this and unfortunately she is often interpreted as power hungry when i think her desire to have power isnt to serve herself but to serve others.

the fact that anora and cailan ran away from denerim as teenagers to go fight giants. and when they were eventually found they were smashed out of their faces in some rando tavern

DID YOU KNOW THAT THERES A FCKING SNOWGLOBE WITH TINY ANORA AND CAILAN FIGURES INSIDE AND U CAN GIVE IT AS A GIFT TO SIGRUN

sorry i find it funny that anora is being as diplomatic as possible about alistair to the warden's face (i.e alistair has goodly traits, just not kingly ones) but glares icy daggers at him when nobody else is looking

the blatant hatred she has for arl eamon. yes queen we hate him too! tear that bitch apart!

loghain is not a good or justifiable person by any stretch of the imagination but he is still anora's father and she clearly loves him so much and it is just. tragic. i think some players expect her to hate her father outright but its clear their relationship is very complicated and i actually appreciate the way bioware approached it. idk what my point is here but i enjoyed that a lot. i guess it ties into the first point, where she will put the needs of ferelden ahead of even her own father and their relationship

anora is such a talented diplomat! i do love reading the codexes and correspondences from her during Inquisition, where Josie remarks that anora handled the negotiations with orlais without needing any of her invention or help and called her a skilled diplomat.

her sense of humour. anora is dry and witty and its nice to see that side of her poking through her reserved demeanour the deeper you get into her dialogue !

despite all objections and the fact it damaged her reputation and credibility, anora offered the mages sanctuary in ferelden. i think given the aftermath of the mage-templar war and general anti-mage attitudes at the time this is a Very Big Deal. ( i know alistair does this too but anora is sole queen in my worldstate so. Yeah)

she has a strong nose. 10/10

[marypsue]

hi mary! do you have any book recommendations for fans of the indian lake trilogy and/or horror books in general? i love your writing (followed way back for your gf fics lol) and would love to hear if theres anything in particular you'd recommend ^^

Oh hello hello hello! You've activated my trap card.

Honestly, I read less horror than I let on, and have started reading it more recently than not, so this may be a rather short list. But yeah I absolutely have some recommendations! If you enjoyed My Heart Is A Chainsaw (I really have to read the sequel) and you like my writing, I think our aesthetic and narrative sensibilities should be pretty similar, so hopefully these will be books you'll also enjoy.

First on the list and most obvious is of course My Best Friend's Exorcism, by Grady Hendrix. It's perfect companion reading for My Heart Is A Chainsaw, also being about two teenage girls navigating a difficult period in their friendship, complicated by the fact that something supernatural may or may not be trying to kill them and everyone around them, and may or may not, in fact, exist. Abby and Gretchen and their friendship are so wonderfully drawn, the absurd humour only underlines the helpless horror of their situation, and the climax made me bawl like a fucking infant. 11/10 no notes.

I'd also recommend We Sold Our Souls, also by Grady Hendrix, for some of the same and some slightly different reasons. If you were drawn in by Jade's girl-alone-against-the-world situation and her punky, horror-movie-obsessed alternative vibe, you'll like Kris Pulaski and her heavy metal quest to get her life and her music back. Another one that made me cry, and it's only getting more timely and relevant with every passing year.

I really liked Nick Medina's Sisters of the Lost Nation, about an older sister looking for her younger sister after the latter disappears from their reservation after a secret rendezvous at the recently-constructed casino. Anna and Jade share a certain 'nobody else is going to fix this, so it's up to me' sensibility, the way the author pulls together ancient mythology and modern horrors is well-crafted and spooky, and there's a deeply intentional queer thread running through this one from start to finish. Warning, though, this is a deeply, deeply sad book.

In terms of meta horror about horror, Riley Sager's Final Girls surprised me with how good and gripping it was. I picked it up expecting easy-reading paperback fluff, and got sucked right in. If you crossed over Halloween: H20 with Twin Peaks, you might get something like this book. I never see anybody talking about it anywhere ever and I have to strongly recommend it. (Unfortunately, it didn't focus as closely on the relationships between the 'final girls' as I wanted it to, but I still wasn't disappointed.)

Joe Hill's N0S48U kicked my ass and made me say 'thank you'. This one's pretty tragic, so maybe give it a miss if you don't want to read about bad things happening to characters you like, but, well, this is horror. Notable because the antagonist is Christmas-themed, and honestly, I've never seen anyone else so effectively harness the crawling feeling of Wrongness that seeing Christmas shit in July gives me.

And, going wayyyy back, one of the first horror novels I actually read all the way through (on the advice of a friend), Stephen King's The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon. If you were a My Side Of The Mountain / Hatchet kind of kid, this is the book for you. And if for some obscure reason you haven't read Carrie yet, what are you waiting for.

I also read Paul Tremblay's The Pallbearers' Club, which somehow didn't quite manage to deliver on what I was hoping for, but which you might enjoy if you liked some of the other books on this list. If you like punk music and/or characters who like punk music, meta conceits, and New England folklore, give it a shot. (I think I knew a little too much about the subject matter going in for some of the big ~surprises~ to actually surprise me.)

I've also got on my TBR list Edgar Cantero's Meddling Kids, Stephen Graham Jones' The Only Good Indians, Jessica Johns' Bad Cree, and Riley Sager's The House Across The Lake and Survive the Night. I can't speak for any of them yet, though.

(And tossing a movie onto this list, you might really enjoy Netflix's The Final Girls. It's a lot fluffier than My Heart Is A Chainsaw, but for a fun meta slasher horror-mostly-comedy, it was a solid good time. With an ambush sequence that was pretty clearly inspired by Joel Schumacher's The Lost Boys!)

[mentally-retired]

I used to have another transmasc friend who was also in then COD fandom. I support all fandom havers and whatever they choose to be in a fandom of (to an extent obv) but I do have to ask about why the COD fandom? Cause like,, I understand why this guy enjoyed the COD fandom (he liked it bc of the lore of traumatized gruff men, and the idea of them having a soft side and supporting one another in fanon), but realistically if he were to join a COD lobby, he’d instantly be called so many slurs.

As much as the source material isn’t problematic at all, I’ve seen a huge divide in how the COD fandom, vs COD players engage with the source material, and as an outsider it confuses me so much.

So anywho, long story short ig, how do you, as a queer transmasc person, find your place within this very subversive fanbase, and do you feel like there’s a large transmasc community that gravitates towards this fandom? If so, how come/what are the factors abt this fandom that would make it appealing to someone who’s trans?

Hope this question made sense, not sure if it did, or if I was too all over the place. But anywho, have a lovely day!! :]

well i dont even have access to xbox live so i only play the campaign, theres lots of canon queer characters, lots of queers voice actors, and lots of vas who encourage you to see their character as queer or straight up say their character is queer.

and for me at least, i mainly use Tumblr and tiktok and that is explicitly queer and/or cod thirst content

and our part of the fandom is expanding and ive been seeing a lot of the (newer at least) cod vas very encouraging of it and really happy to see this side of the fan base

as someone whos trans masc idk i guess i can easily see a lot of the characters as trans masc, theres also plenty of women you could see as transfem and theres no transphobia in game so theres that

while theres a shit side to the fandom full of cishet 14 yr old boys who think saying slurs makes up humour, its not just that

and idk i mean i like it for the attractive people in the game cus im a bisexual mess so i may not also be the best to ask /hj

but still i hope this helped and i hope this was confusing as im very bad at making points like this make sense</3

[kurjakani]

Alright quick question..we have similar taste in fictional men and I’ve never watched Bleach before should I start it so I can obsess over Mayuri as well?

HMMMMMMMAH rly hard to tell. Ok sorry bleach fans i love u but im gonna shit talk this show a bit. Pls dont read if u cant handle me rambling abt my personal experience w a show meant for 15 year old boys. I actually love it deeply !!!!!!! I enjoy ir a lot!!!!! However. I really struggle w watching the show sometimes. Its over 300 eps + the movies which i havent even gotten started with. It's difficult bc theres a lot of cool moments too but good lird esp at tge start the fights consist of characters deciding that they have more soul power bc of some memory they had and beatinh eachother. Everyone is confident there is character variety but everyone is like supposed 2 be a huge badass and idk thats just not my type of media (which is why orihime is actually one of my favourite characters bc she stands in such contrast w her confidence issues and damseliness. Also Ishida i love Ishida i love his arc in the umm when they had the bounts and his self reflection about his inabilitu to help the others + hes always rly analytical in fights. Mayuri too bcs all of his power comes from thinking & experimenrting & PREPARADNESS. I dont remember him ever mentioning soul power bc hes like only talking about technique. Zaraki is also incrhesting bc he is overpowered, but to a point of ridiculousness and where he has an one punch man styled conflict w being unable 2 find someone he has fun fightinh w) i like casts full of losers and freaks. Talking of freaks Tite Kubo is one and will NOT stop making fucked up jokes, esp about girls. His humour is shit theres been like. One scene where i laughed out loud and it was bc ichigos dad pelted him w no mercy bc hes used 2 him being able to fight but ichigo was just tired and he flew thru the room thats fr the only time ive laughed. Theres a lot of rly dark topics also treated very lightly, including when it comes to Mayuri??? Esp his treatment of Nemu. As far as ive seen!!! The storyline has an interesting end in the manga tho and like it seems more thoughtful but ive yet to see that. But the treatment of Nemu as a prop to show how awful Mayuri is and to also be fanservice rly. It frusturates me. Theres so much like, interesting stuff you could do w her character. Again tho im at ep like 180 so maybe there will be!!!! For the good tho Tite Kubo has just. Theeee most incredible eye for character design in my eyes hes so fuckinh good its ridiculous. Even a lot of the side characters are mega memorable and its no wonder a lot of thr characters are absolutely iconic. Also the show definetly gets better the beginninh is just so. Slow. As u can prolly pick up from my earlier notes there are a couple characters that i fuxking loooove aside from Mayuri. As for mayuri he is fuckinh viile and they make some gross jokes abt him too but he is so. Ill b real hes just sexy and also transformation coded so. Literally childhood fave chinhands emoji idc. There also are some great interactions between characters!!! Thr main characters rly care abt eachothef and are so devoted 2 taking care of eachother and i think thats lovely. They can be cranky and mean but theyre always worried for eachother and rwady to help and i think thats just so sweet i like that dynamic. Sorry i di have more to say abt the show as u can see i have some big big emotions abt it and i care abt iy sm but it also often frusturates me deeply a lot of tje time. Its a show you endure. Thank god it jas a dub bc i am watcjing it while knitting / drawing etc.

[beeehar]

Ppl need to talk about the (pre scenarios) Yoo siblings more I think. I am staring so hard at every orv fanfic writer ever rn

Yjh waking up to a tiny elbow digging into his side and a foot in his mouth bc mia had a nightmare and broke into his room in the middle of the night but didn't bother waking him up bc his presence alone is comforting enough for her to no longer be scared. no I'm not screaming and crying what r u on about

them playing mario kart together and Mia thinks she's winning bc she's looking at yjhs side of the screen so she is super excited and yjh doesn't have to heart to tell her that the one crashing into the wall is actually her character

BAKING TOGETHER!!!!;!! Mia in a chef hat she made from paper and having to pull up a stool to stand on bc she isn't tall enough to see over the counter yet. Yjh reading out the method and Mia repeating it to him as if she's Gordon Ramsey or something and him being like On it Boss bc he loves his little sister dearly and will humour any of her shenanigans. Theres flour literally everywhere and more icing has been eaten than there is on the food, and everything's a bit more lumpy than it should be but it tastes good so that's a win in everyone's books