#one time i almost started crying because of dysphoria

[sp00ky-scary]

I need to cut my tits off with a pair of these

[sucker-for-emily-prentiss]

The beauty hidden underneath

Summary: You are not comfortable wearing a swimsuit/bikini and Emily is there to help you love yourself.

Ship: emily prentiss x fem!reader

Promt by: @emberfrostlovesloki

TW: body dysphoria

—————————————

You’ve been at it for what seems to be hours. It, being standing in front of a mirror, staring at yourself and trying to not cringe or flinch at every scar, every curve and every hint of cellulite. If you stare too long, if you think too much, a new wave of tears will make its way down your face and no matter how hard you try, you can’t stop it.

You try to remind yourself that this body has suffered great pain, has survived many tragedies. That every scar is a story, every dip is a love mark. But you can’t, because this body, this woman staring right back at you, is not a woman that’s pretty. It’s a woman whose thighs are touching, whose belly is slightly protruding, whose glutes are covered in stretch marks.

You turn sideways, you look at how your lower stomach is sticking out. You suck in a breath and hold it, you arch your back, you look thin. You need air, you release that breath and then it starts all over again. The loathing, the tears, the sobs. You punch at the extra fat on your arms, on your belly on your thighs and you try so hard to somehow make it disappear.

You don’t even know how all this started in the first place because you’ve been so good for so long. But as you think about it, you know exactly when it started; when Emily suggested you and her take some time off and go to the beach for spring break.

You’ve been dating for almost six months now and you’ve finally let the team know, which means you can be open about it and be in public without fear of someone seeing you. So when you finally told Hotch and the team on the way home from yet another grueling case Emily suggested you two go to LA, enjoy some time alone, out and proud. You didn’t think twice before saying yes, because she looked so happy and you didn’t want to ruin it for her.

That was two weeks ago. Two weeks of you trying your best to feel comfortable in your own skin. Two weeks of you trying to remember how to swim because in reality, you hate your body so much you haven’t been to the beach in three years. It’s been fourteen days of trying swimsuit after swimsuit, seeing what covers most her skin and what hides her shames.

“Y/n?” Your head has never snapped faster towards the direction of a sound before.

You grab your robe from the bed and turn around as you wrap it around yourself, trying to hide your face from Emily, not wanting to alarm her. “Hey, I didn’t expect you home so soon.” But you didn’t even know what time it was or how long you’ve been standing there.

“Honey, look at me.” You hear Emily asking you softly as she steps closer to you. You shake your head, your body still turned away. “Y/n, please.” She says softly.

You cannot say no to her when her voice is so sweet, so soft, so concerned. You turn around, tears still streaming down your face and you lock eyes with Emily. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” You say, words coming out in broken sobs as you lay your head on Emily’s shoulder.

“Talk to me, sweetheart.” She says, leaving a kiss stop your head. “What is it?”

You raise your head and you look at her; this gorgeous woman you get to call your girlfriend. “I can’t go on vacation with you. Not at the beach, I can’t.” You confess as you pull yourself away from Emily’s embrace.

You watch as Emily blinks several, her expression not hurt but confused. But she seems to put the pieces together quickly after taking one look around and revisiting the scene she came across moments prior; her girlfriend looking at herself in the mirror and crying.

“Oh, honey.” She says, approaching you once again and this time taking you by your wrist and positioning you in front of the mirror while standing behind you.

“Emily, please don’t.” You beg her looking away from the mirror.

“Y/n, do you trust me?” She asks you.

You look in the mirror then, only then, and you look at Emily. You look into her eyes and you smile at her trying not to blink, the bangs too close to her eyes tickling her. “With my life.” You respond, the question not needing to be pondered.

She kisses your cheek and slowly unties the robe around your waist and pulls it down gently, allowing it to fall on the floor. Her hands caress over your stomach, across the jugged scar in the right side of your abdomen. “This on is from when you were twenty three, when you had your appendix out.” Emily says her voice low and sweet as honey. “You told me that you couldn’t stop picking at it because you needed something to do with your fingers.”

“You should know by now, I can’t stand still.” You say with a small chuckle and you feel Emily nod against you, leaving a kiss on your right shoulder.

Her hand doesn’t stay there, she moves the scar on your chest. “That’s from last year. And also the day that I realized how deep my feelings for you went. It took almost losing you to understand. To see.” And then her hand goes and rests on the part of you you hate the most. “And this, this little bump right here is gonna host our future babies.” She says with a small chuckle as her thumb caresses your still empty belly.

“Oh yeah?” You ask her with a small laugh. “So I’m the one who gets pregnant?”

“Oh, absolutely.” Emily says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re the stronger one between the two of us. Can you imagine me walking around being kicked and punched? I so don’t have your strength. Or your patience.” You find your hand resting on top of Emily’s and for once you can actually imagine it. And the image of you gaining all this weight has never made you happier.

“How many are we gonna have?” You ask, your smiling growing upon gazing into Emily’s loving brown orbs.

“We’ll start with one. Hopefully they are twins, but if they’re not we can always adopt.” She says with a shrug. “And you’ll carry them with these strong arms and you’ll run after them with these strong legs that chase criminals.” She reminds you, now both her arms wrapped around your waist. “And you’ll put them on those shoulders that always seem to carry the world’s weight on them.”

You turn around in her embrace and you wrap your arms around her neck lazily, planting a kiss on her lips. “I love you, Emily Prentiss.” You say against her lips.

“Good.” She replies. “‘Cause I love you, too.” She kisses you once more, before pulling her lips away and placing a strand lick of hair behind your ear. “And if you don’t want to go to the beach that’s okay. We can go somewhere else. Or we can go to a vacation house I have in the Hamptons. It was it’s one pool and only I’ll be able to see you.”

“You’d go through all that trouble for me?” You ask, your insecurities somehow still getting to you.

“When are you going to understand, y/n?” She asks with a sigh. “I’d go to the ends of the earth for you if it meant you would smile.”

And smile you do, lunging forward and kissing her once more. “The Hamptons sound nice.” You say eventually, because you realized that so long as you had Emily, you had all you needed.

[milkygothgf]

Such a disgusting pervert for staring at your own coworker while she's pregnant. She is in a vulnerable state and is in need of support from as many people around her as possible, and all you can think about are her plump, swollen baby bump and her bulbous, milky tits. You have no idea how she's feeling right now.

But maybe you should.

You need to be punished, to be put in her shoes.

*I* am going to breed you every day until your tits are swollen and leaking, and your belly is round and massive. Months of nothing but having your eggs smothered in gallons of rich, fertile baby batter. Then, once you're showing so much that it's impossible to hide, I'm going to make you feel how humiliating it is to have people stare at you so much when you're pregnant, except I'm going to make it so much worse for you.

Cow print leggings that squeeze your swollen thighs. Completely topless save for a jangling bell around your neck and a cow print bikini top that has been roughly pulled open to expose your gorgeous udders. A beautiful cow ear headband with big, floppy ears - [you know the one I'm thinking of, yes, that one]. A pretty ring gag to keep you from speaking, to make you drool lots and lots, but nothing in the way to keep people from hearing your embarassing "moos." A long black and white tail plug ending in a cute fuzzy tuft. Binding leather mitts that completely remove the functionality of your hands and six inch black and white platform heels - or perhaps I should call them your "hooves." Electric breast pumps, afixed to each of your fat, leaky udders like spigots. Half a dozen pink rubber vibrators on their highest setting stuffed cruelly up into your thick, dripping cow cunt.

And, of course, a lead.

I'd drag you into your workplace and apologize to your pregnant coworker on your behalf, assure her that you are being punished thoroughly for your perversion. Perhaps I'd even offer to let her punish you herself for a while. I would be carrying a cattle prod and a riding crop with me, of course, so she could whip you and shock you and make you jolt and shake and scream and moo lots and lots as revenge for being such a nasty perv. Then, merciful, patient, and kind woman that she almost certainly is, she would let you off easy.

I, on the other hand, would not be so sweet.

I would parade you through town, handing out the milk being pumped out of you to strangers and letting them grope and ogle and punish you as much as they want. Before too long, I'm sure - perhaps even before we left your workplace - you would begin to hurt from being in those platforms, lugging around your swollen body, and losing your balance. Without even a prompt from me, you would start crawling around on all fours like the cow you are. Your udders would bounce and swing so low that the spigots on your pretty fat nipples would scrape across the ground. You would leave a trail of drool and discharge everywhere we went. You'd be trembling constantly, orgasming every couple of minutes all day until you were so sore you couldn't take it. You'd be in less pain than you expect, but only because you're so numb from all the shocks, you feel like your brain is going dumb.

And it must be, because...

No way.

This was a punishment.

You shouldn't he *enjoying* this.

Wow... truly a new low.

You love being a pregnant free-use masochist milk cow.

If that's how you're going to be, then fine.

I'll just punish you by ruining your existence and making it impossible for you to go back to a normal life.

I'll break you.

Make you a proper hucow.

You'll be wracked with orgasms just from someone looking at your tits.

You'll leak from your nipples *constantly.*

Every time you cum will be a wet, messy fountain.

Going anywhere, doing anything, without your ears, tail, and cow print, will leave you with such crippling dysphoria that you'll do nothing but cry and beg me to put them on you. And once I do, you'll be so thankful.

Every time after your pregnancy term is over, you'll crawl back to me and beg me to breed you again so you can have your pretty tummy and beautiful udders back.

I'd make you get a "MILK ME" tattoo on your chest and a "BREED ME" tattoo over your womb.

And every night, I'll break you in more. Shock you, spank you, hypnotize you, annihilate your brain cells en masse, and rewrite them according to my vision.

Cow will be your whole identity.

Until then, why don't you go ahead start the process early?

Go "moo."

Right now. You can do it.

Moo.

Moooo... I didn't mean to be a pervert 🥺 It's not my fault her noticeably larger tits make me jealous. Or her baby bump that just dropped so she's really showing. It just makes me want it so bad... Mooooo..... But I didn't mean like that 🥺 I understand though. I deserve to be punished for that. Moooooooo..... I'm being a gross creep and I deserve to see how it feels however you see fit. And honestly, so long as I'm pregnant moooooo... and constantly leaky,,,,,how bad can it be really? How bad can it really be being a pregnancy free-use masochist milk cow..? It's what I wanted right..? Moooooo....

[veritas-scribblings]

hold - @bartylusmicrofic - words: 967 [mature: discussions of sex and under-age sex, some references to gender dysphoria]

[follow-up to 'teach', (y)earn universe | because @rayjkss said 'second part' and then this was on my brain all day]

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Barty demands. He drops himself onto the bed opposite Regulus and stares with such intensity that Regulus is forced to look up from the book he’s reading. ‘We need to give it a name. I don’t know what to call it.’

‘Deimos,’ Regulus says. ‘I’ve always liked that name. And in my family, we name things after stars. Granted, it’s one of the moons of Mars, but Narcissa is a flower name, so I think we can bend the rules.’

‘No, I meant your dick.’ Barty says this so bluntly, angrily, that Regulus feels his heart leap into his throat and suddenly he wants to shrink and die on the spot. ‘Evan told me about it.’

Regulus frowns. Because surely Barty isn’t stupid. Evan can’t be that stupid either. So, Regulus doesn’t know what’s happening anymore. Barty seems to be on a different wavelength than he is, which isn’t unusual since Barty is normally on a different wavelength than most people.

Only, Regulus can normally keep up with him. Now, however, Regulus’s world is dust.

Regulus closes the book in his lap with a snap and tries not to close his eyes as well, because Barty looks so angry and frustrated that Regulus wouldn’t be surprised if he started crying. ‘Barty,’ he says in a low voice. ‘I don’t have a dick. I thought you’d realised that from all the times we’ve, well, been naked together.’

Barty flops down onto the bed dramatically, groaning. ‘This is why we need to give it a name,’ he says to the roof. ‘And you’re not calling it Deimos. Because, I fully respect your right to name your own body, but calling it Deimos while we’re in bed will make it feel like there’s three of us.’ And then quieter, sounding almost sad, he says, ‘I didn’t realise it wasn’t good for you. I’m sorry, I thought it was good for you too.’

‘Barty,’ Regulus sighs. ‘Respectfully. I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.’

Barty sits up, eyes wide. ‘Sex. I’m talking about sex. According to Evan, you’ve never had an orgasm and I’m doing it all wrong, and I didn’t know! I’m sorry, there aren’t books in the library on “how to have sex” or “how to make sure sex is good” and I just don’t know where to find that sort of information, because it’s not like my parents keep sex guides in the house. I guess I could rob an adult book store, but I just didn’t think I’d need to because I didn’t think I’d need an instruction manual to do this properly!’ 

Oh. 

‘I didn’t realise I needed to draw you a map,’ Regulus says, flushing. 'And you didn't do it all wrong. It felt just fine.' It comes out flat, curt, which makes Barty even more upset. But Regulus just really doesn’t want to be having this conversation right now. 

Right now, Regulus wants to know how he can kill Evan without hurting Evan. And maybe only temporarily. Because he’d been pretty damned clear when talking to Evan that the conversation and the contents of it were to remain entirely between the two of them. Forever away from Barty’s ears.

‘I don’t need a map,’ Barty mutters. ‘I just…need to know of its existence.’

Regulus sighs, shuffles back so he’s leaning against his pillows, knees pulled to his chest. He thinks, perhaps, he can set the bed curtains on fire, run away in all the chaos, because he doesn’t want to be having this conversation right now.

The thing is, Regulus has never been uncomfortable about his body around Barty or Evan, not in the way he feels uncomfortable around others. The way he avoids using the Quidditch Change Rooms because he doesn’t like the eyes of others on him, people wondering why he's different.

Regulus trusts Evan and Barty implicitly and has historically been very open with them. Comfortable dressing and undressing around them. Laying in bed together, cuddling, curled up in their little ball of comfort, when there’s been limbs and body parts everywhere. 

But things with Barty are different now. When Barty touches him in a way that isn’t the normal way friends touch each other. Makes Regulus feel in ways friends don’t normally make each other feel. Regulus just doesn’t know how to deal with it, with the topic of his body when he willingly gives Barty access to it. He wants Barty to just know, the way Barty generally just knows everything. 

And Regulus is aware that this is unfair of him, to lay those kind of expectations on Barty. Even Barty can’t just know everything.

Barty shuffles over, wraps an arm around Regulus and curls against him so he’s in Regulus’s arms. He looks up at Regulus, all doe-eyed in what he probably thinks is a ‘seductive’ sort of way, and says with a small smile, ‘Evan says we need to “communicate more”. Apparently communication is important.’ 

‘I hate talking.’

‘Sure, but you love me. And,’ Barty grins, ‘I want to make sure it feels good for you.’

‘It felt fine.’

Barty rolls his eyes and nudges Regulus in his side. ‘It shouldn’t just feel fine. It should feel incredible. Like, the best thing you’ve ever felt. I want to make you feel good too.’

Regulus sighs and slides down so he’s laying on his side, face buried against Barty. The thing is, it’d genuinely felt good. Nice. Sure, he'd been aware that it'd felt nicer for Barty than it had for him. But Regulus hadn’t seen a problem with that, even when Evan had called it a ‘problem’. Because apparently Regulus is not allowed to have, what Evan had called, ‘subpar sex’. 

Regulus nods into Barty’s chest, hoping desperately that Barty intuitively knows (the way Barty naturally seems to know most things) what he means. Regulus will try—he will—to work through this.

[trohpi]

Hiya ^^

I heard that you take one-shot requests with trans characters and so I was wondering if you could maybe help me out with this...

I git the idea bc I just got my fcking period (suxks as a trans person) and needed some comfort so I thought trans!Sirius (ftm) having his period after hogwarts where he and Remus live together and he feels like sh!t because he's bleeding out and it's giving him dysphoria and then Remus takes care of him and makes him hot chocolate.

I'd rely appreciate it. Thank you so much <3

hello!! hope youre feeling better, periods can be tough ik. this will actually be my first request, sorry it took longer than expected. i hope i did your idea justice and that you enjoy <3

wolfstar w/ ftm sirius • 2.4k words • cw: periods, dysphoria

cross-posted to ao3

Sirius wakes to the sound of incessant meowing and a low ache in his gut. Bleary-eyed and sleepy as he is, he doesn’t even register the pain at first. He shifts under rumpled sheets, mid-morning sun flooding the room and blinding him. A ball of splotchy tri-coloured fur sits in the window sill, pawing at the glass and disrupting the blackout curtains Sirius insisted they have in the bedroom. Unwanted light filters through the window and he groans.

“Linette,” Sirius calls, voice thick and almost whiny with sleep. “What are you doing?”

She only meows again, tail twitching eagerly as she watches whatever it is that has caught her attention outside. Likely a bird or a squirrel, or perhaps one of the bunnies that moved into the backyard. Sirius huffs and moves to sit up, aiming to grab Linette and exile her to the living room, when a painfully familiar cramping of the abdomen hits him and Sirius’ mouth goes dry.

All remnants of sleep wash away in an instant, leaving him hyper-aware of every feeling, every minute sensation in his body. The incoming headache, the tight soreness of his lower muscles, and— Sirius discovers with a shudder as he shifts— the warm wetness of his underwear.

“Fuck,” Sirius mumbles, a sick feeling churning within. He quickly gets up, swallowing thickly at the small blood stain on the pale blue sheets. Moony just bought those, he thinks fuzzily, and suddenly he feels the urge to cry.

Sirius’ periods have always been irregular, no way to consistently track them, and it’s only gotten harder in the months since he’s started his masculinization potions. It's almost worse when he’s blindsided like this, wholly caught off guard by the onslaught of hormones and emotions. At least when he knows it’s coming, he can mentally prepare. This time, his walls were down, and now his mind buzzes as he stares at the stained sheets below.

He can’t handle this right now. He quickly looks away, resolving to deal with it later. Numbly, he scoops up a squirmy Linette from the window sill and makes his way out of the room.

Remus is curled up on the sofa, cup of too-sweet coffee cradled delicately in scarred fingers as he reads a book, the Muggle one his mother gave him when they moved in last month. He perks up at the sound of footsteps, turning to see Sirius in the hall entrance. The small, fond smile on his face quickly falls into a concerned frown when he sees the paleness of his face and tense line of his body.

Sirius’ breath hitches, a tangled mess of emotion swelling within him. He wants to not exist, and yet he wants so desperately for Remus to hold him, to cradle him just as delicately as he would the chipped porcelain mug he drinks from every morning.

Remus sits up, setting the well-loved mug aside as his book falls facedown on the cushion beside him. “Cariad?”

Sirius’ eyes well with tears, but they don’t fall. Sirius hates crying, has hated it since he was a child and his mother would punish him for it. Even now, nearly three years since he got out of that house, he can’t shake the urge to bottle everything up and hide.

Linette squirms in his arms again, dragging him back to reality. Sirius sniffles, letting her drop to the floor. The mostly-white calico wastes no time sprinting back to the bedroom, no doubt to meow at the window once more, but Sirius hardly pays attention to that. No, his eyes are locked on his boyfriend, who has already made his way over to him with an air of worry.

“Are you alright?” he asks, hands twitching as if he wants to reach out but is unsure if that would be okay. It would be. Sirius craves his touch, always will.

Sirius reaches out and tangles their fingers together for him, squeezing harshly as if doing so will tether them together.

“There’s blood on the sheets,” he mutters, and the concern melts into understanding.

“That’s alright,” Remus says softly, squeezing back. “I’ll handle the bed, you go take a bath.”

Sirius immediately shakes his head. “No, Moony, you don’t have to—”

“Sirius, it’s okay. I want to do this for you.”

“But…” Sirius chews on his lip, looking away shamefully. “It’s gross, Rem.”

Remus reaches up and gently grips his chin, tilting his head up to make Sirius look at him. His hazel eyes are tender and reassuring, immediately making Sirius melt just a bit.

“How many times have you cleaned up blood from my sheets after a full moon, Sirius?”

“It’s not the same.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Not at all. That blood isn’t from… from down there.”

“It’s just blood, love,” Remus says patiently. “Doesn’t matter where it came from.”

He hesitates, chewing on his lip once more. On one hand, he thinks he’ll end up in a ball of tears if he tries to clean the sheets himself, but on the other hand, he can’t help but feel self-conscious. Despite having been together for close to two years, Remus hasn’t seen that yet. Sirius has made sure of it. Sure, he’s been there during his period— he’s cuddled him and helped fulfil his cravings and warmed up the Muggle heating pad Lily gave him in their fourth year— but he hasn’t actually seen the blood. Sirius’ dysphoric mind is convinced that he will be disgusted with Sirius and his body when he sees it, even if he knows that Remus would never.

“I can see you spiralling,” Remus mutters, running his thumb along the backs of the other man’s knuckles. Sirius sighs.

“Sorry, I just—”

“Sirius,” he says softly. “Let me help you, please?”

He swallows thickly and, before he can change his mind, says, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Remus repeats with a smile, tugging him closer and pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead. “Now, go take a nice long bath, cariad. I’ll have your heating pad and a cuppa waiting for you when you’re done.”

Sirius hums, a warm feeling settling in his chest. “Switch the tea for a cup of that special hot chocolate your mother sent and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

“A cup of mam’s hot chocolate it is, then,” Remus says easily and Sirius feels a small smile slip on his face, his first one all morning.

“You’re too good to me.”

“You deserve good.” The other man puts some space between them and before Sirius can even mourn the loss, he’s being gently shoved in the direction of the bathroom. “Now go. I’ll get your clothes too once you’re in the tub.”

“Alright,” he says softly. “Thank you, Moons.”

“Of course, love.”

And with that, Sirius moves down the hall and stops by their bedroom. He grabs his wand and some of his clothes— minus the fuzzy knit sweater, which is actually Remus’ and two sizes too big— and makes his way to the large, tiled bathroom. The door shuts behind him with a quiet snick and, carefully avoiding eye contact with the mirrors, he quickly casts blurring charms on them all. He usually doesn’t have to resort to such measures, rather comfortable in his body now that he’s been magically transitioning for over a year, but his periods always bring about a particular sense of discomfort regarding his appearance.

Trying his best not to let his thoughts drift negatively, he strips off his bloodied clothes and sends them to the laundry hamper in their bedroom with a flick of his wand.

The water is warm and relaxing when he sinks into the tub, soothing aches he didn’t even realise he had. Sirius sighs, letting his head fall back against the tile and his eyes fall shut.

Sirius had almost thought that he was done with periods. He hasn’t bled in months, and he had just started getting his hopes up that the potions had finally stopped his cycle as they were meant to, but no. He feels a bit defeated, if he’s being honest with himself. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to handle this on his own.

But you’re not on your own, a voice in his head reminds him as he begins to clean himself.

And the thing is, the voice is right. He has Remus.

Sirius has always had trouble seeking help from others, most especially those he’s close to. It always sparks a sense of shame. Maybe his mother moulded that into him, or maybe he was always like this. Whatever the reason, he struggles.

Remus tells him it’s okay to need help sometimes. Sirius knows that, logically. He’s been on the receiving end of that request more times than he can count for Remus— in the days leading up to and following the full moon he needs all the help he can get. He also knows that if someone cares about you, they won’t mind lending a hand when you need it. It just takes some getting used to, Sirius supposes. The care, the support, the concern.

He is getting used to it, slowly but surely. Has to, when he lives with Remus Lupin of all people. His tall, scarred, mean-looking werewolf boyfriend is actually the softest and most loving person he has ever met, and he refuses to let Sirius get away with shutting him out.

Sirius loves him even more for it.

Only a couple minutes later finds him dripping onto the bath mat, towel wrapped tightly around his waist as pink-tinged water swirls down the drain. He quickly pulls on Remus’ sweater and begins rummaging through the cabinets, searching for his cloth pads. He finds one buried underneath a pile of hair scrunchies and he places the pad in his boxers, securing it with a light sticking charm just so he doesn’t have to worry or think about it.

He tugs on his baggy sweatpants with a wince, lower muscles cramping in protest at the lack of soothing warmth now that he’s left the bath. It’s not quite bad enough to need a pain relieving potion just yet, especially not before he’s got his hands on his heating pad, but he can already tell this one will be rough.

At least he’ll have Remus to help him through it, even if he has to force Sirius to let him do so.

Sirius feels a bit like a wet cat as his damp curls drip onto the muted orange sweater he stole borrowed. He quickly grabs his abandoned wand off the counter and casts a quick drying spell, feeling the weight disappear off his head as his curls become light and bouncy once more. With a huff of satisfaction, he slips his wand into his pocket and opens the bathroom door to leave. Immediately, he hears a pleased mrrrp followed by Linette darting between his legs, purring and rubbing all the while. He chuckles, bending over to scratch at her cheeks.

“Finally more interested in me than the birds outside the window, huh, ma pépette?”

Linette purrs even louder in reply, rubbing so aggressively against his hands that she nearly stabs herself in the eye with his fingers. Sirius snorts inelegantly and scoops her up, letting her perch herself comfortably on his shoulder before he finally steps out of the bathroom.

Immediately he can smell the faintest hint of chocolate and nutmeg wafting from the kitchen. Warmth bubbles in his chest as he shuffles into the living room. On the sofa sits the quilt Effie gifted them when they moved in, Sirius’ heating pad folded with care on his seat. Gentle music plays from the wireless and he has to bite back a soft smile. Merlin, he loves this man.

“Have a nice bath, love?”

Sirius turns to see Remus standing in the doorway, two steaming mugs held in his hands. Linette chirps happily at the sight of him, and Sirius privately agrees.

“It was alright,” he hums lightly. “S’that for me?”

“Ah, no, actually. Figured I’d get two hot chocolates all to myself while my poor, sweet boyfriend wastes away on the couch all by himself.”

“How utterly cruel of you, Moons. I’m heartbroken.”

Remus snickers. “Go sit down, Pads.”

“Mm, alright.”

Sirius plops down on the couch, jostling Linette whose tail flicks in displeasure, and burrows under the cosy red quilt. Before Sirius can even think to do it himself, Remus has set the mugs down on the end table and grabbed the heating pad.

“Rem, I can—”

“No, I’ve got it,” he reassures. “Drink your hot chocolate, I’ll set this up.”

“If you say so,” Sirius says a bit reluctantly.

Linette drops off his shoulder onto the couch cushion next to him as he reaches for one of the mugs.

The first sip is heaven, always is. Hope Lupin’s hot chocolate recipe is a gift from Merlin himself.

“Godric, this is fantastic,” Sirius groans delightedly. Remus chuckles as he plugs in the heating pad.

“Isn’t it?”

“Tell your mother she’s a saint for me next time you phone her.”

“‘Course, Pads,” Remus says as he walks back over, careful to avoid tripping on the cord. Linette hops down and starts smelling it curiously.

“C’mon, baban, leave it alone,” he chides while batting her away gently.

“Aw, leave her be, Remus! What’s the worst that could happen?”

“She could chew on the cord and be electrocuted,” he deadpans. Sirius blinks.

“Right. Forgot Muggle technology is utterly terrifying. Carry on, then.”

Remus snorts and picks her up, setting her on Sirius’ lap which has already started to warm up. She purrs, cuddling into the heat and closing her eyes contentedly. Sirius runs a hand through her fur while he takes another sip from his mug. A weight settles next to him on the couch as Remus cuddles up to his side, reaching over him to grab his own hot chocolate from the end table.

Sirius hums happily, tilting his body into Remus’ and melting against the cushions. A little peck on his temple makes a soft grin slide on his face and he lets his eyes fall shut.

“Thank you for this, Moons.”

A hand reaches out to tangle with his own, squeezing gently but firm. “Of course, cariad. You mean the world to me.”

“You do, too. I wouldn’t be able to do this without you, you know.”

Remus hums, pressing another kiss to his head before he says softly, “Well, good thing you don’t have to, then.”

[wordy-little-witch]

Random thoughts here, gonna add stuff for trigger warnings

Tw being trans pregnancy, I guess could he considered mpreg? Buggy identifies more masc but is AFAB. Nothing necessarily explicit

I just. Mm. Babies. Baby fever, lowkey. Can't have kids of my own, but I can day dream about my blorbos.

Buggy is trans, he's on T, but surgeries are wonky at best, uninteresting and frankly a liability. He'd be down for a good deal of time, something he isn't all too crazy about. When the dysphoria gets bad, he just chop-chops his chest and uses a packer ((his packer being, of course, a drawstring back of muggy balls, and opportunities for Many Jokes)).

Due to an event in his youth, pre Devil Fruit, he was told he's likely infertile ((Got stabbed a few times and a good chunk of his reproductive system is more scar tissue than actual organ tissue)). Between that, the difficulty for conception when a parent has a Devil Fruit, and his testosterone, he's decently certain it's not an option.

Of course, Buggy D Clown, the genius jester and Flashy Fool of the Seas, is a living embodiment of doing the impossible.

It starts with a sudden nausea when he smells his usual drink of choice. Alcohol was once something he adored, maybe in a little excess, but he was a pirate and pirates party. It's a given. Shanks' alcoholism was born from their shared past, and Buggy wasn't all too different on that front.

But suddenly, during lunch, when he went to take a sip of his rum, he caught a whiff of it and had to lean back and force down a gag. He exchanged it for a water, something not TOO unusual, as sometimes he'd have things he wanted to work on with a clear head, like in his workshop. Nobody really batted an eye.

Then he declined it at dinner. Then the next day. Then he was eying Crocodile's plate and his extra tomatoes, something he NEVER does, given his general dislike of the fruit. But now...? Mm.... it looks.. really good...........

Crocodile, thinking this is an opportunity to tease the other, offers a bite, expecting a dramatic recoil and complaint. But Buggy just absolutely beams at him, takes the bite, and damn near swoons. The logia user glances over to the swordsman, both uncertain but willing to roll with it. Not too big of a deal.

Then suddenly Buggy is more emotional than usual, something nobody was expecting. He's usually pretty expressive, all of his emotional responses keyed up to at least eleven. It's only noticed as off because he's crying a lot more, and hiding it far less. He happy cries, sad cries, angry cries. And it's like a switch is flipped. Something will happen and the clown is suddenly bawling. The first few times it happens with the crew, they all panic, but it's happy tears, infectious ones at that and so the men wind up crying too, offering embraces and spinning hugs of emotional care.

Crocodile and Mihawk share Looks.

Then Buggy is getting sick. Like. Throwing up almost every meal time, sick. The only things he can keep down are water, orange juice, and toast with honey or applesauce.

The two dark haired men finally put their foot down and demand the other go to a doctor. They expect a fight, expect tears or anger or yelling or something, but Buggy just nods, blinking slowly from his place curled into Mihawk's side, in one of Crocodile's shirts. He seems exhausted, shadows under his eyes from the newly worsened insomnia.

His easy acquiescence alarms them the most.

The next day, Buggy is seen, and there's a few tests and observations done, culminating into the doctor pursing her lips and ordering a urine sample.

Buggy, pale, head on Croc's chest while Mihawk toys absently with his hair, dozes off in the office while they wait on the results. An hour, and a nap, later, she returns with papers and a tentative air.

"Well... it's not a virus," she begins with. "Your hormone levels are elevated, specifically your progesterone and your chondrionic gonadotropin levels..."

Buggy stiffens, eyes wide. "I'm...?"

She sighs, smiling softly. "Congratulations, Chairman. You're in your first trimester of pregnancy, by the levels we can see here."

Buggy gapes. Crocodile is still as a statue. Mihawk had a thousand yard stare.

There is a soft sound, and suddenly Crocodile has vanished, now but a pile of sand on the floor and partially on Buggy. Mihawk looks faint himself. Buggy just glances between them numbly. "Oh."

"Mm. Quite."

Then, the world's greatest swordsman joins his logia partner in a tangle of limbs on the floor. Buggy stares for a moment. The doctor stares for a moment. Buggy flushes an angry red.

"Those motherfuckers couldn't even stay conscious long enough to get me back?!"

The doc tries to hide her laughter. "In their defense," she choked out, "they were quite worried about you and suddenly received such news. That said, I do have some smelling salts. Here..."

Buggy does not let either of them live it down, for obvious reasons, and they do have to announce it to the Guild because Buggy is now not allowed to have alcohol, can't do his typical tricks, and will need to cut back on a lot of the physical activities he does daily, let alone the topic of fighting. He's nervous about it, because it will involve both announcing a pregnancy as well as coming out. He's made damned sure his crew is inclusive for all sorts of people, regardless of love, color, age or body. But welcoming your fellow man (non gendered), is not necessarily the same as answering to a person like himself.

The reception is largely warm, though. The crew is over the moon, they don't even follow up with a "how does that happen, you're a man", they just immediately are screaming their congratulations and vows to step up and help as they can. Buggy winds up crying again, and Mihawk just wordlessly hands him a water bottle. Hydration is important, especially with all the tears.

His pregnancy is fairly typical, and the morning sickness passes fairly quickly, though the cravings get absolutely hog wild, and EVERYONE is suffering. Buggy tries not to be too needy but he can't control the responses and everyone else is hurting for him when he's so upset. He ends up absolutely obsessed with lemon-lavender ice cream, and the Guild keeps it on hand by the buckets full in the freezer.

When Buggy starts showing, Mihawk finds he has a new favorite place to nuzzle, finding the tiny little whirls of Haki within the clown's abdomen to be mesmerizing. He often finds himself cuddling in, Listening and Sensing, even talking softly to the little life growing within his lover, singing lullabies.

Crocodile near constantly has a hand or hook pressed over the growing swell. If Buggy is within arms reach, his touch is there, protective and mildly stunned. The paternity of the baby is unknown, but none of them particularly care. The baby will be theirs collectively regardless. That baby will be Crocodile's as much as it is Mihawks, as it is Buggy's. That baby is his, too. And he will protect this one ((the way he couldn't protect another, so long ago)).

Alvida, Galdino, Mohji and Cabaji are very hands on with everything. Al never wanted kids, but she is absolutely delighted to be the cool aunt, and the fella are excited to be uncles. It's Daz's quiet excitement that throws everyone for a loop. He's second only to Crocodile and Mihawk when it comes to pampering or spoiling Buggy. He still carries himself as a stoic stone faced man, but he is the one who brings the snacks, who offers a hand when Buggy gets to a size where standing is mildly more difficult, when it's time to convince the blue haired man to take it easy or rest. When asked, he will cite that he is merely doing his duties, but everyone could see when Buggy took Daz's hand and placed it on his bump when the baby was big enough to kick and haveit be felt by others. They saw the way the blade man's eyes widened, the shimmer there, the microexpression of wonder, of care, of brewing love. That baby would be safer than anyone else in the entirety of the grandline, of that nobody had a single doubt.

Shanks could not visit, but he made frequent calls and sent countless gifts, all of which made Buggy blubber like a child or rage like a harpy. Nothing was discarded, though, and in the nursery they set up is a small little bear with a red heart embroidered on the chest.

Rayleigh showing up unannounced was not anticipated. Nor was how Buggy remained blank faced despite the tears on his cheeks. The older man just smiled sadly, wiping away the tears, and handed over a small box. "Shakky and I worked together on this. It only felt right to pass this on. To new generations."

Inside is a stuffed cat, the fabric soft, yellow and worn. It was sun-bleached in some areas, little nose embroidered with red and eyes in blue. Buggy takes one look at the cat and crushes it to his chest, nearly doubled over as he let's out a heart broken keen, falling to his knees. Crocodile and Mihawk are quick to rush to his sides, but Rayleigh is closer and faster, falling down, wrapping around the other, queezing him tightly, softly, teary eyed himself.

"I know," he chokes, hugging his boy tighter, "I know, Blue, I miss him too, baby boy...."

Buggy clings to Rayleigh, holding the cat toy tenderly as he wails.

Ray stays for a few days before Buggy just tells him to pick a damned tent and hang out, damn it, his kid should get to meet at least one grandparent.

Ray doesn't cry but it is a close thing.

The pregnancy is an ordeal all across the board, from reopening wounds to general, typical difficulties, it's a wild ride start to finish and beyond.

There's more than one night of pure domesticity. One where Buggy and Mihawk are shooting baby names back and forth in the kitchen while Crocodile writes them down in the Yes, No or Maybe column. One where Croc and Mihawk are pouring over research for the baby. One where Buggy is in an oversized shirt, feet up on the tummy of a particularly big and spoiled 'wani, singing sea shanties softly as he tinkers with some harmless little trinkets, using his tummy as a table. One where Crocodile, pressed into Buggy's back, confesses to his past and breaks to pieces under dimmed lights in the clown's calloused hands to no judgement, only understanding, only compassion. Nights where Mihawk is wired so tightly by his own past that he sits upright in their bed, a sentinel of protection because he refuses to lose them the way he lost everything before.

You have to drain the infection, the bacteria, for a wound to truly heal.

It's difficult. It's painful. It's worth it.

The 9 months, the 26 hours of labor and the little bundle of life at the end was absolutely worth it.

Especially when newly named Bronwyn D. Crown ((their little Winnie)), with her midnight blue hair and pink little nose, her strawberry marks on fair skin, the curls of her locks and the shade of her lashes around sapphire eyes, is born into the world screaming her displeasure and only settles once clean, once swaddled, once brought back to her parents. She is small, smaller than expected, but every ounce of her body is the foundations of a fighter - she got her baba's temper, that much is certain.

Winnie is the apple of everyone's eye. Cute and small and bold and boasting a nose so much like Buggy's, almost everyone is taken with her. Rayleigh especially is wrapped around her finger within less than thirty minutes together. Shanks is absolutely in love even without seeing her first hand - he meets her the first time when she is two, and he cries because she threw an elephant toy at his head and cackled.

It's not easy. But by the Seas and Skies, it's absolutely worth it.

[i-am-a-l0st-gh0st]

This one is inspired a bit by one of my ocs backstory but..

The reader is a transmasc person, who tries their best to hide it, trying to seem as if they were a cis man - mostly due to the overwhelming dysphoria they get. Sure, they got the top surgery but... Not the bottom one. The biggest issue was - they were having terrible periods, and I mean TERRIBLE - To the point they can't stand up from the bed, squirm in pain and vomit anytime they move. While they were able to hide it from lyney long enough, saying stuff like "I ate something bad" and other stupid excuses, lyney got clearly very worried and concerned as the same thing happened each month, even when the reader didn't seem to even eat anything close to bad. Now, the reader doesn't know how to avoid the truth, as they're crying from the immerse pain, unable to hide their misery from lyney any longer.

Boys don't cry- Lyney X transmasc!reader

I would say i'm sorry, if thought that it would change your mind. t/w- periods, vomit, headaches, cramps, dysphoria summary- As shown above

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You'd been together for almost 5 months and each month you'd managed to avoid telling Lyney you were trans but for how long? Avoiding it forever was out of the question, you couldn't keep getting you period and telling him you were sick.

The only thing you could concentrate on was the unbearable feeling of needing to be sick. If you stood up you might puke everywhere... And the cramps didn't make it any better... You clutched you stomach trying to make them go away... If only that worked... Your train of thought was lost as your boyfriend walked into the room.

"Dear... This happens every month... I know for a fact it's not food poisoning. Your my boyfriend... I need to know what's wrong with you."

*Boyfriend*. You loved being called that but for some reason it stung... Tears began to form in your eyes, emotions all over the place. Lyney was shocked to see you so emotional. He hugged you tightly, rubbing your hair, bringing you close. He wanted to help... But you couldn't tell him... He would think differently of you... He would see as what you were before you were a boy.

"I'm fine Lyney, just a little sick."

"A little sick? Sweetie you can't get out of bed. I need to know what's up with you."

Lyney was stubborn... Almost as stubborn as you, he wouldn't give up. Not until you were feeling better. The cramps slowly started to get worse, causing tears to well up in your eyes. You tried to turn away from Lyney hiding your face. In response he grabbed you chin forcing you to look at him.

"Mon amour... what's wrong." His face had lost its charm and had turned, not stone cold but almost there.

"Lyney... I...I.."

"Take your time sweetie."

You couldn't tell him, he would see you as girl. You worked so hard to build a life a male. It was all going to crumble now... You felt your cheeks heat up with the feeling of vomit... You quickly got up and ran to the bathroom pushing Lyney out of the way. Knuckles turned white as you gripped he toilet bowl waiting for it to happen.

"Sweetheart! What's wrong!" Lyneys voice had become increasingly worried.

You couldn't avoid the truth any longer... It was right in front of him. He'd have to find out sooner or later.

"Lyney... I'm trans..transgender. I.. I've only gotten top surgery not bottom. So I still get my... Period."

"So that was it? Honey I still love you. You know I don't see you as any less of a man. If anything I see you as more of one. What you go through sounds painful..." His voice had calmed down now. "But why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was scared you'd leave me.. and this dysphoria gets really bad."

"Oh mon amour... I would never leave you... Now let me take care of you."

Lyney grabbed you hand leading you back into bed, he grabbed you a heat pack placing it on your stomach. He put a bucket close to your bed, just incase you needed it.

"Anything else?" You swear you couldn't love this man anymore.

"Cuddles?'

"Anything for you, my love."

Taglist

@pandragonsoul @atsukawolfcat @keeyisbored

[httpskuzuu]

Handsome boyfriend

here in spain it's 5 am and I should be sleeping

anyway, here I made the reader's gender expression male, but always remember that you are valid, no matter how masculine or feminine you look 👍

Dazai x Ftm!Reader

English is not my mother tongue, sorry for the mistakes

tw: transphobia on the part of parents, gender dysphoria, reader's gender expression male

Dazai was not an idiot, he had noticed from the beginning that you were not comfortable being a cisgender girl.

He noticed from your first interaction, you treated yourself with male pronouns and when Dazai also treated you by those same pronouns you seemed so happy, as if it was the first time someone referred to you correctly.

He didn't mention anything about it, he understood that you were strangers and that if you hadn't told him from the beginning, he wasn't anyone to be nosy.

As your relationship grew, he noticed how you looked at yourself in the mirror with a disgusted expression, how you sometimes did exercises to make your voice more masculine and how in your last Google searches there were things related to the topic of starting a transition as a trans person.

When you started dating, he thought you would talk to him and tell him everything that was on your mind, but you never did. He himself tried to bring up the topic of conversation regarding the trans community, but you always refused to talk about it and seemed uncomfortable, so he didn't push you anymore.

He decided it was best for you to take the first step one day, one day like today.

It was in night, Dazai couldn't sleep because of his insomnia, and you should be at your parents' house.

He saw your number appear on his cell phone screen, he knew from that moment on that something wasn't right. As much as you might have trouble sleeping, you didn't usually stay awake at a late hour like this, let alone call him.

"Hey Belladonna! What are you doing up at this hour, uhm?"

The first thing he heard on the other end was a suppressed sob from you, that's what confirmed that something was wrong.

"Hey, darling, what's wrong?" He used the most reassuring tone she could and hid his concern.

"Uhm, Dazai, can I come to your place...? Please..." It was obvious from your voice that you were crying, so broken and weak, that Dazai was almost heartbroken to hear you.

"What happened? I don't know if you should come, it's too late, something might happen to you, do you want me to come to your place better?"

"No, no, I'm not at home, I, uhm, I know it's late, but I don't have anywhere else to stay."

He was quiet for a moment, thinking about what you had just said, worst case scenarios came to his mind.

"Yeah, sure, you can come" He was going to ask if he could come to where you were and at least walk together, but you quickly mumbled a 'Thank you.' And you hung up.

He just sat there on the futon with his cell phone in his hand, thinking about what the fuck had happened to you.

Within 10 minutes there was a knock on his door and when he opened it he saw you, with wet cheeks and watery eyes, you had a backpack on your back.

Two details of your appearance caught his attention: you were wearing baggy clothes, he could recognize that you were wearing a T-shirt that he himself gave you days ago, it was not usual for you, since you always wore clothes considered "feminine". The other detail was your hair, your long mane was now gone, you wore your hair short and somewhat badly cut, a sign that you probably cut it yourself.

Before you could speak, you dropped on Dazai's figure and hugged him tightly as you cried into his chest.

"Hey, hey, will you tell me what happened?" he tried to reassure you by placing one of his hands on your back and the other on his head, stroking your hair. "You've had a makeover, I see." He said with a smile.

"Dazai, I'm a trans guy, is that okay? Are you still my boyfriend?" He knew you were, but was surprised by your last question: didn't you know he would love you no matter who you are?

"Of course I'll still be your boyfriend, I love you and I don't care what you are as long as you're comfortable. If you're a boy that's perfect, you will still be my handsome boyfriend."

Dazai put his hands on your tearful cheeks and made you separate your face from his chest, so you could look at him. He wiped away your falling tears with his thumbs and gave you a reassuring smile.

You felt the weight on your shoulders disappear. He accepted you, Dazai accepted you, it felt so good to know that. You cried harder.

"Let's go inside, okay? And then we can talk more comfortably."

He moved his hand to your waist and guided you inside his house, to the couch. He sat you there and gave you a kiss on your forehead. "I'll get you some tea, don't move." After that in no time you were alone again.

You wiped your tears as best you could and thought about everything that happened: you had a fight with your parents, they always insisted that you be as feminine as possible, but you couldn't anymore, you weren't comfortable. You decided to cut your hair in a fit of dysphoria and when they saw you they got angry, you tried to explain and tell them the truth about your gender, but as soon as they heard you the house became a place full of screams, and finally they threw you out of the house, saying they never wanted to see you again. Your parents themselves rejected you, that was so painful, how could they reject the person they share blood with just because of their gender identity? You didn't understand.

A hand on your shoulder brought you out of your thoughts, there stood Dazai, a worried expression implanted on his face, but as soon as he saw you snap out of your trance he smiled at you. "Ah, you got a little lost in your thoughts, didn't you?" Dazai passed the cup of tea to your hands and you thanked him with a trembling voice.

You took a few sips of the tea as you tried to relax and set it down on the table.

He sat down next to you and put his arm around your shoulders. "Well, will you tell me what happened?"

You let out a sigh and prepared to speak. "My parents always wanted a girly girl and I tried to be one, tried to make them happy, but-" And just like that you cried again. Dazai stayed by your side, giving you support and comfort, it was nice to have your boyfriend by your side. "I couldn't hide this anymore, I wasn't happy.... When they saw me with my hair like that and telling them I was a boy they kicked me out of the house."

You snuggled weakly against Dazai's chest, you were so tired. You really needed this hug.

"Please, Belladonna, don't listen to whatever they said. If they don't let you be happy just the way you are, it's best to stay away from them" You closed your eyes and melted at his words, he was right, he was always right. "You can stay with me as long as you wish, my house is always open for you."

Dazai moved closer to your face and started leaving kisses all over, you laughed through your tears, it did tickle a little. He stopped, and you stared at each other for a few moments until he moved closer and kissed your lips.

"Let's go to sleep, is that okay?" you nodded and let Dazai guide you to the futon where he slept. Dazai always kept one of his hands on your waist, encircling you and giving you comfort.

He helped you lie down on the futon and sat next to you, not lying down yet. He stroked your hair, and you just closed your eyes, relaxing in Dazai's presence.

You finally accepted yourself, and Dazai also accepted you, that was enough to make you feel happy.

[henrioo]

°•*⁀➷ WAR PERIOD: KID AND KILLER

꒰ SYNOPSIS ꒱ : "Your period is definitely the moment of the month you most hate, lucky your two boyfriend already know how to handle the situation at this point. And whatever you need, Kid and Killer will always be there for you."

꒰ WARNINGS ꒱ : TRANS MASC! READER, TRANS MALE! READER, FTM READER, PERIOD, man having period, man having uterus, body dysphoria, gender dysphoria, use of the word "breast" and "boobs", the reader didn't make top surgery, mentions about not having money for surgery, little angry and aggressive reader, mentions of chubby body (not fully just a chubby tummy but can be interpret in others ways), mentions of hormonal treatment/therapy, A LOT OF POSITIVE AND ENCOURAGING DIALOGUE ABOUT THE READER'S MALE IDENTITY

꒰ WC ꒱ : 1,6k

꒰ NOTES ꒱ : This become really self indulgence because I finished this story one day and the other day I started my period so fuck this shit. But anyway, enjoy, my little buddies that have an uterus and pass through periods, have a little of Kid and Killer comforting you. And if you don't have a uterus nor a period you still can have them, because Kid and Killer comforting you is perfect in any situation.

Eustass sighed entering the apartment he shared with his two boyfriends. Today had been a busy day at the workshop and he almost wanted to kill some customers who tried to debate him too much. He dropped his backpack in the entrance hallway and didn't have to walk far to find you two, after all the apartment was really small and compact.

Killer was in the kitchen and seemed to be baking something, he had his hair tied up and was wearing a pink apron with “best mommy” written on it that you had given him in a Valentine's Day prank, the funny thing was that he loved it and accepted wearing it without any problems. He looked for you and it didn't take long to locate you, the point was that he quickly located warning signs that made him pay attention.

Sign 1: You were shirtless, without a top and without a binder, your breasts were out and you hated being like that at home because it gave you a lot of dysphoria and frustration because you hadn't yet had surgery on the top, which meant that something very important thing must have happened for you to ignore all anxiety and triggers and stay like this.

Sign 2: You were wearing Kid's plaid pants, you hated those pants. Which was also very strange since you said that those pants, besides being ugly, were very light and baggy, which was obvious since Kid was twice your size, and the only times you used to wear them were when he was far away and you really missed it to the point of wearing those pants you hated so much. And the reason for wearing them specifically was because Kid wore those pants almost like a second skin, being one of his two favorite clothes and the best choice for missing your boyfriend.

Sign 3: You were surrounded by the stuffed animals that Kid and Killer got for you at the parks and events you used to go to, usually these stuffed animals were on a shelf dedicated to them since the bed couldn't even fit the three of you, imagine more than five plushies of different sizes and shapes. However, Eustass and the blonde knew that you only clung to one of them when they were far away, you had even sent photos of you sleeping with them when the two of you weren't in town.

Sign 4: You were watching some extremely colorful children's cartoons. You and Killer particularly liked that stuff, saying it was nostalgic or some shit like that, so it wasn't exactly weird... The weird thing is that you were crying watching a colorful cartoon with animals, princesses and various things exploding on the screen that looked like anything but a Sad movie to the point of making you cry.

Yeah… You had just started your period. It took a few months of training, swearing, and nights spent sleeping on the couch for Eustass to become a master at guessing when you were on your period or close to it, which was great since you became a bombshell when that happened. In the workshop he had already dealt with some of the menstruating women, generally these were the days when screwdrivers flew and male customers ran away never to return, it was also the day when they ordered so many sweets that Kid received more deliveries from sweet shops than fixed cars.

With all this experience he was certain: menstruating people were scary. And you could be a little more on your period, (Y/N), Kid and Killer's gorgeous boyfriend was extremely scary when was on your period. Probably your hormone therapy made all your emotions twice as sensitive but you really were a ticking time bomb, most of the time you were an aggressive extreme who would yell at them if they dared to get close and then two minutes later you were yelling at them. for not giving you affection in that delicate moment. In Eustass's own words you were a fucking irritating bipolar.

"A warning that the war has started would be nice" Kid muttered to Killer as he kicked off his shoes and prepared for battle.

“No really, when I walked in he literally threw a slipper in my face” Killer laughed and handed Kid a bottle of water that he knew he should use as a peace offering.

“Wow… And I thought sleeping on the couch was the most extreme thing we’ll ever get” he laughed and approached you.

“You keep complaining about that and you’re the next one to get slapped” You grumbled irritably while crossing your arms, you didn’t even look away from the television but it was clear that you had been irritated by your boyfriends’ jokes and teasing.

“Okay my little grenade, drink some water before your anger dehydrates your seductive little body” he laughed and offered you the water which you readily accepted and calmed you down a little so that he could sit on the sofa with you without getting kicked in the face .

“Seductive little body my ass, look at that! I’m super swollen!” You said as soon as you finished seeing the water and started to clutch your stomach “Besides, look at this! I! Argh! I have these things and I hate them!” You said looking at your breast “I hate all of this! My body, my hair, my face, this transition! I hate existing, I want to explode into millions of pieces and become a cloud!”

And now the anger passed and you were crying. Holy crap. That was all Eustass could think, he sighed as he crawled onto the couch closer to you and helped you curl up on top of him, basically like a human ball as he wrapped one arm around your leg and the other around your back stopping at your hair. where he made a light coffee.

“Alright, let’s breathe, okay?” He spoke to you listening to your sniffles “Everyone has a little tummy, okay? You yourself love squeezing mine so you have no right to hate yours” he debated trying to calm his insecurities.

“But yours is cute…” You mumbled rubbing your head against his shirt “You smell like car oil…”

“I work in a mechanic, love, I’m definitely not going to smell lavender, that’s up to Killer” he laughed, continuing to hug you, now you seemed to be coming out of the shell of depression. You turned so you were against his chest, your knees still together and curled up so you could fit completely in his lap, he placed both arms around you and let you play with his big, slightly dirty hands.

“It’s not lavender, it’s pine aftershave” Killer replied irritably as he entered the room with a cat-shaped pot and handed it to you.

"What's this?" Eustass asked curiously and rested her head on his, seeing in the jar a type of chocolate cake and some scoops of cream ice cream with chocolate syrup.

“Brownie with ice cream, to appease the demon that lives in that cute belly” Killer smiled as he sat on the sofa in the part where you were previously and took the opportunity to pinch your cheek, making you groan.

“I hate you” you mumbled but soon your attention was diverted to the candy, you started eating it greedily while letting out cute little noises of approval.

“Where did I stop?” Kid tried to remember his insecurities and soon knew where to continue “Everyone has breasts, particularly Killer's are the biggest I've ever seen” he felt his blonde boyfriend slap him on the head but he ignored “You yourself tried to give me a bra because I said mine were too big!” He commented irritably while pinching your waist.

“But they are,” You and Killer said together and laughed at Kid’s red face.

“Assholes… Huh, anyway, everyone has boobs and that’s normal” Eustass wasn’t the sweetest when it came to comforting someone, but he knew that somehow the brutality and sincerity of their words were always enough for you.

“Except for that dumb bitch who tried to hit on you at the bar” you muttered irritably as you shoved another piece of ice cream into your mouth.

“And thanks to a pot of diabetes we have our boyfriend back, thank you sugar gods” Kid teased and kissed your cheek making you laugh and press yourself closer into his embrace.

“Also, don’t worry too much about your body, you started hormone therapy not long ago so there will still be big changes” Killer smiled gently as he caressed your knee “And as we go to the gym more they will lessen a little.”

“Besides, we’re going to get the surgery anyway so you just need to hold on until then” Kid reminded you of your main goal in the transition.

“I know… I just… It's very expensive, sometimes it seems impossible as if I would never see myself without them” you sighed, laying down on the man and finally releasing your legs over his, now literally sitting on Kid as if he were a chair.

“We'll find a way... If we can't find one then Kid can rob a bank, he gives us the money and he goes to prison alone, then we pay for your surgery and his bail” Killer suggested, laying down next to Eustass to be next to you.

“Or you two go to jail, I become a millionaire and get a sugar baby” you laughed.

“Wow… One slipper and now this, I would never make him a brownie again after that” Eustass said shocked while talking to Killer.

“Yes, definitely, today Mr. (Y/N) is the one sleeping on the couch” Killer laughed as he prepared to give you a tickle attack. Well... I guess your period wouldn't be so bad if you had these two with you all the time.

[steifel]

HERE TO ASK YOU ABOUT UR TRANS JOHNNY AND SODA HEADCANONS 🫡

I may have gone a little over bord with these

TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts, transphobia, gender dysphoria, talks of body parts. Everything is very minor but please protect your peace

Sodapop

-first off She cam out to Johnny first on accident Darry had taken Pony to the doctors so nobody was home Soda wanted to test a theory. She was dancing around the house in a mini skirt and a stuffed bra Johnny walked into the house and was like "you wanna talk about this? You don't have to"

-soda literally broke down telling Johnny everything

-poor Johnny has no idea how to comfort people but he just sat there listening and understanding

-she told Pony next they were laying in bed one night and the conversation went like this

S: hay Pone? You know how Johnny was born a girl but hes really a boy?

P: mhm

S: well sometimes i feel like i might be your sister even though ive always kind of been your brother

P: *pulling Soda into a big hug* ok

S: thats it just ok

P: um okay.... I love you?

S: love you too pony

-she told Darry next and he required a lot more information than ponyboy did.

-how long have you known

- she/her?

-who all knows

-is your name still Sodapop

-how do you feel

-do you want me to help you tell anyone

-is there anything i can do to help you?

-after Darry got all the information he needed he just hugged his sister and said "i always wanted a little sister"

-she told Steve next

-he was actually kind of excited

-after she told Steve she started living as a girl 100% of the time

-Twobit and Dally were super confused but they eventually figured it out

-Soda is a woman of extremes she is ether so eurphoric shes ontop of the world or so dysphoric that she can barely get out of bed

-her bad dysphoria days just about kill Steve

-he knows that she's the most beautiful girl in the world and it hurts him that she doesn't know that

-when she's dysphoric he always gives her one of his long shirts to wear and then holds her in bed as long as she needs just telling her shes beautiful and playing with her hair.

-when she's super euphoric you bet your ass Steve is gonna take her out and show her off (if anyone says anything bad they get jumped)

-if/when she goes on E she wears push up bras every day and that makes Steve go crazy

-if you think Soda was hot as a guy than you'll think shes a goddess as a girl

-Steve feels so lucky

-its not all fun and games though

-she gets jumped a lot

-the socs can be very vilont with her

-she tends to silently cry herself to sleep a lot

-her and Johnny get really close

-they actually trade pre transition cloths

-johnny teaches her all of the "girl" stuff he learned in childhood and she teaches him the "guy" stuff

-believe me when i tell you that Soda is a MASTER at tucking

-she wears super tight pants and skirts

-Soda is suuuuper fem

-she loves doing her hair and makeup

-this pisses pony off because she takes forever to get ready in the mornings

-the one bathroom thing starts to become a problem now that Soda takes an hour to get ready

Johnny

-was absolutely terrified to come out to the gang

- he put it off for a long time

-came out to Dall first

-and he only came out at this point because Dally could tell something was bothering his little buddy

"So you gonna tell me whats wrong or am i gonna have to guess?"

-dall was genuinely so mad. Not because he's trans but because Johnny had the gaul to ask if Dally hated him now

-when he told Pony he had a shit ton of questions

-this is mostly the reason Pony didn't have a lot of questions when Soda came out

-johnny is one of those lucky bastards that naturally looks masculine so he passes almost immediately

-he never gets out of his baggy clothes and flanels phase (me projecting)

-every single member of the gang makes him take his binder off after 8 hours

"Comon Dall just a little while longer? Please"

"Jonnycakes we can do this the easy way or the hard way now it dont matter to me but i gotta fealing you're not gonna like the hard way"

-eventually Johnny starts to feel more comfortable around the gang without it

-if he's in public though he doesn't give a fuck what dallys "hard way" is he will be wearing that binder

-while Soda usually experiences her transness through euphoria Johnny usually experiences his through disphoria

Another TW for SH and Suicidal thoughts ill let you know when it ends

-he has a tendency towards SH

-one time dally found him attempting to give himself top surgery and he had actually gotten pretty far

-Dally was horrified he's no stranger to blood and violence but it was really bad

-Johnnys gotten a lot better but there was one point where they hid all the knives and did there best to have somebody with him at all times

-Darry has had to grab his hands and hold him super tight before

-Dally had a really hard time sleeping during this time he made Johnny stay with him and he just watches Johnny sleep.

-Dally was just terrified he was gonna lose Johnny over something as stupid as how the world sees him

Major TW over

-on major dysphoria days he really just wants to be left alone.

-he mainly just sleeps on those days

-the whole gang tries to help but sometimes you just have to feel your feels you know

-he cries because of it sometimes and that just makes the dysphoria worse which makes him cry more (me too me too)

-Johnny absolutely loves it when the boys roughhouse with him cause it makes him feel like they really see him as a guy

Ok i feel like if i keep talking about Johnny im ether gonna start crying or just spill every bit of information about my transness. anyway i hope you enjoyed

[munsons-mutiny]

I’ve had this headcanon forever and it’s just never come up anywhere, so I figured it’s time to write about it.

Caleb’s spell that he makes for Veth, Widogast’s Transmorigification, has major implications for Exandria’s trans population! This could be the magical equivalent of top or bottom surgery only it’s down to a biological level! I’m sure they’ve had their own procedures, but a body that you can personally design does seem like an upgrade from whatever technology/magic they have available!

I like to believe that Caleb doesn’t think about the spell in that context at first, why would he? It was designed for someone with a different type of body dysphoria, and he doesn’t interact with too many trans people (at least that he knows, I have no clue if he knows about Yussa, and they haven’t seen Bryce in ages).

But once he starts teaching, and establishes himself as a safe space for queer kids (you can’t tell me the empire is super open minded, especially their most prestigious traditional institution) the application becomes obvious. The first time his favorite student, a small purple tiefling named Aza who reminds him so much of Molly it hurts, comes to him mid-breakdown because of how bad the dysphoria is the solution just immediately pops into his head. He could fix this for her, give her the body she should’ve been born in.

He comforts her the best he can and then calls a meeting of the lgbt club he has set up (it’s run under the radar to make it safe even for students who aren’t out to their peers yet). Where he gives a presentation on the spell, and it’s capabilities, even has Veth come in to show the results and have her talk about her experience and if there had been any side effects.

A couple students in the room cry at the possibility, some remain uninterested, but many are enraptured with the idea.

In what seems like the blink of an eye Caleb has suddenly become an underground queer hero, he starts performing the spell free of cost to anyone who wants it and is above the legal age (you just have to help dig up the clay if you can). Ends up having a whole medical procedure to the spell, where he takes them to the blooming grove (which I imagine has plenty of clays heheh) where it’s peaceful and they can talk everything over with caduceus before and after. Who can guide them through their feelings much better than Caleb though he always tries his best. He always offer the option to go back as well (though they have to wait a year, which is of course stated beforehand) if it isn’t the solution they were hoping for.

(Totally off track but I fully believe Caduceus ends up super involved in Caleb’s queer club, there’s so little aro ace rep and seeing someone whose so confident in it would be so helpful for them, and I think it would be so comforting for Caddy to see others like him and to know he’s not alone in that)

They keep the whole operation quiet, but it spreads silently throughout the queer community, Astrid even stepping in a time or two to keep it off the Assembly’s radar (She may be straight, but she’s poly with a bi partner, and I believe she’ll use her powers for causes she believes in for better or worse. Thankfully this is one of them).

There’s still discrimination against the queer community, but this quiet movement starts to spread to the point that almost every member of the nein is involved. Beau uses her connections at the Soul to get new documentation for people with proper names and pronouns. Yasha starts running Rexxentrum’s first self-sustainable lgbt safehouse for kids with nowhere to go (the garden is incredible). Jester and Fjord turn Fjord’s old orphanage into a second lgbt safehouse after he gets it shut down. Veth adds lgbt education to her camps curriculum, and is an advocate for same sex healthcare in the Nicodranas school system. She has a tunic that says proud mother of a bisexual wizard that she wears a little too often much to Caleb’s chagrin. Even Kingsley (illegal pirate king that he may be, my beloved) ends up becoming as involved as possible in Caleb’s group. Loves learning more about gender identity, and becomes the first Plank King to be openly gender fluid (probably who knows, I don’t know much about Darktows history but I def didn’t get super queer vibes). Makes sure Dark-Tow is accepting of all who turn to piracy, and imposes harsh laws against discrimination.

Essek looks on all of this with pride, so proud of Caleb and even the small role that he got to play in the spells creation. It’s the first time he gets to see something he helped with create good in the world. With Caleb’s permission he ends up sneaking back into the dynasty and leaving a copy of the finished spell on the Bright Queens desk, with a big created by Caleb Widogast across it (with whatever the wizard equivalent of copyright is). In a culture that centers around rebirth in different bodies, the idea that you could choose to have your original body back is a big deal. Dysphoria after consecuted individuals get their magic back is a huge problem within the dynasty, and it does Essek a lot of good to know that he’s done something actually helpful for his country.

Basically this got super long winded and out of hand, and I know Matt has largely cut homophobia, transphobia, and non-fantasy racism from Exandria but this idea would just not leave me alone!! And either way the spells implications for a gender affirming procedure are still super relevant.

[https-hex]

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

✮Mizuki general hcs✮

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

✮ Needy very needy. 100% abandonment issues.

✮ Would jump into Fire for you.

✮ Makes cute Accessories and full-on Clothes for you. Wear them at least once a week or they will cry.

✮ Expects you to help with estrogen shots, of course they can do it themselves but it gives them a Silent reassurance that you completely accept them and they just love the intimacy.

✮ Help them with Dysphoria by doting on them and girly pet names. Spoil them with feminine clothes and accessories.

✮ Speaking of accessories they will wear everything you buy them. It could be the ugliest thing in the World and they still would wear it with pride.

✮ Always has a hand on you Whatever it's on your waist, around your shoulder, or holding your hand Mizuki needs to feel your touch. They're so affectionate. If they could climb into your skin to be closer they would.

✮ Loves kissing you. Whether it's a simple kiss on the Cheek or a full-on make-out session Mizuki loves it. Their favorite type of kisses is one on the neck. It's a sensitive area to touch and they love the reassurance that you trust them so much.

✮ Forces you to do their skincare routine together and consider it a good quality time. Buys those ugly animal face masks to laugh at you and take pictures of you two together. Puts it on their lock screen.

✮ Like to sit on your lap while doing their stuff for n25, it makes them less stressed. Sometimes they just abandons their work to cuddle in your lap.

✮ Speaking of n25 they know a lot about you because mizuki can't shut up about you, nonetheless, they are happy that mizuki found someone who will take care of them and help them with their mental health. Ena will take the longest to trust you but after some time seeing how Mizuki's mental health improved she will slowly start trusting you.

✮ You're also the reason Mizuki's Attendance will increase mainly just because they don't want to be separated from you but it doesn't matter as long they're attending.

✮ At first, Mizuki would be so scared to tell you about bullies worrying that you would also become their target. You need to talk with them about it and of course defend them.

✮ As you expected you are their safe space Mizuki trusts you completely almost blinded by love. Please be gentle with them, they need someone to stay with them through thick and thin.

✮ As much as they are affectionate Mizuki still faces insecurity. They believe that you deserve someone better or that they are dragging you down. Whatever Mizuki feels insecure they will try to distance themselves from you. Some reassurance and cuddles should fix them

✮ Possessive. Very possessive. Not on the toxic level but close. As I said earlier Mizuki believes that someone better than them can steal you away and with their insecurities that's a lot of people. They can't give you away when you're so good to them. Mizuki will get upset if someone interrupts your date even if it's in public they believe that they should spend this time with no one but themselves.

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ >thank you for reading! Reblogs are appreciated. Take care of yourself ♡

[aristotlecoyote]

Oh that's awesome, I was thinking something with pedro pascal x ftm reader where reader is also in media (any form of it you like) and pedro sees reader playing/holding one of his friends baby, he had always thought of starting a family but held back not knowing reader's reaction but he brings it up and reader reacts to it positively but is nervous. (And then if you want you can have like little time skips to show the progress and then they have the kid/s) you can totally ignore this if it made you uncomfortable or if you don't feel like writing it :)

-🦝(also can I be this anon if it's not already taken)

Here you go Raccoonon!

Pedro and baby make three Warnings: Pregnancy, children It was an uneventful interview. The questions were on topic. The interviewer was nice but she had her kid with her. You had never been that good with children but the little tot was fussing in their parent's arms so much that you offered to hold them. You knew this person well enough, you met them at every con, every red carpet, every event, they were there with their hard hitting questions.

“They have always been fussy.” The interviewer said handing the child to you with gentle hands. “Ever sine they were born.”

You chuckled as the kid started to settle on your lap. Playing with your necklace and microphone as they babbled through the questions with you.

“Quite the talker! Do you interview them at home?” You asked “Oh wait sorry. You are asking the questions here.”

The two of you laughed. The next question confused you but the little guy was quick to answer. You bounced them up and down on your knee, let them hold your finger as you tried to come up with something that didnt let any spoilers through the cracks.

But other then that, the interview went off without a hitch.

You stepped off the little set piece and through a door to your loving boyfriend, Pedro. He had been watching through a tiny window in the door and it looked like he was almost about to cry.

“What's wrong, babe?” You tilt your head to the side and watch him melt as he pulls you close.

“Nothing, just thinking about some stuff”

The “stuff” wasnt brought up until the two of you were safe at home. Away from the cameras, away from the questions.

“Have you...” Pedro turned away from you for a second, his face flushing. “Have you ever thought of having a kid?”

You are taken a back by the question. You hadn't but that was mostly because of you dysphoria clouding your view as you got into the spot light.

“Well, no I haven't” You hesitate “Why?”

Pedro shifted, he took your hand and squeezed “I was just watching that interview and you looked so happy entertaining that little guy. I just started thinking... Would you like to have a kid some day?”

“With you?” You asked. It earned you a nod as his brown eyes turn back to look into yours. “I think I would love a little Pedro running around.”

After that night, you and pedro tried and tried for a baby. You talked to doctors about safely going off your hormones and taking different ones that would help you concieve.

It took a few years but eventually you were hunched over the bathroom sink with two cups with pregnancy tests turn into them. You waited. You stared with bated breath hoping that maybe this time it would come back positive. Pedro was off on a shoot. You had taken time off from filming so the stress wouldn't hurt your chances but the stress of so many failed tests didn't seem to help either.

You buried your head in your hands as the timer clicked down. What if it was negative again? Its been two years, maybe you should just give up on the dream of having a child with Pedro because you couldn't handle the sad look in his eyes again.

Bling Bling Bling

Swiping the timer off, you take the first test out of its cup and shook the liquid off. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Then turned it over and opened your eyes.

Positive!

In a rush of excitement you take the other one out. Its positive too.

“Ah. Oh my god!” You cheer into the empty apartment.

You wash your hands then dial Pedro for a video call.

He answers after a few rings. His tone soft as he tried to get the camera on his face. “Hey babe. We are kind of in the middle of a— Is that?”

All he could see the was positive test. He cheered “ARE YOU SERIOUS!”

He got shushed by everyone on the set. Pedro mouthed “Sorry” then rushed to leave the soundstage

“ARE YOU SERIOUS!?” he repeated.

“Yes! We're having a baby!”

[trickstarbrave]

modern au part 3

i know i said they were gonna meet this chapter but. this part got too long and if i kept going the chapter would be like 6k+ words. so. i think this is a good place to call the chapter. they'll meet up in the next one and have a crying reunion

however, let me say nerevar gets some sense talked into him by his mom and agrees to see voryn. the angst is ending. his mom called him out on his spiraling thoughts. everyone say thank you nerevar's mom

also theres some fun pregnancy things like back pain and sciatica. and baby steren is kicking

If Nerevar was honest, the only reason he bothered taking care of himself was because of the baby. He got up, showered, ate, and exercised a little almost solely because of the little bump in his stomach. If it wasn’t for the baby he would have just laid in bed and rotted.

But he reminded himself that he chose the baby, so he had to take care of them. And that meant taking care of himself since they were growing in him.

His mom wasn’t ever the most affectionate woman, and definitely not what you’d call maternal, but she was knowledgeable and took him to all of his appointments. She even made sure he was following nutrition guidelines, got his stupid pre-natal vitamins and took them, and even got him a dumb pregnancy pillow (well, it looked dumb anyways, but it was honestly heavenly to sleep with).

Eventually the rawness of the break up faded. Instead of worrying about Voryn, he was worrying about the kid. The tiny little thing growing in him. Actually being pregnant was quickly a much more pressing issue than the break up between morning sickness, dysphoria, and back pain.

He even found out he was having a boy (or well, possibly a boy unless he came out as a girl later in life) a little while ago, and he was over the moon about it. Nerevar wouldn’t have cared either way about the sex of his baby, but it was nice to just know more about them. To be able to track development, and know they were one step closer to being born. Going to appointments he got to see the little fuzzy blob getting bigger and bigger as his stomach grew, the baby getting more and more… Well, looking more and more like an actual baby. The kicks went from a weird fluttery feeling to his stomach to soft bumps to slightly more painful. 

Nerevar was still stuck on a name, but his mother told him not to worry about it. Nivara said he could pick out all the names he wanted but he would likely change his name the second he saw the little guy, as she couldn’t make up her mind until Nerevar was screaming in the hospital with her boyfriend crying in joy off to the side. 

At the very least, he was hoping his mind would be fully off Voryn once the baby was actually here. When times were peaceful and he wasn’t in agony, either from back pain, kicks, or a shooting pain in his legs, his mind often wandered. This late into pregnancy there were fewer and fewer peaceful moments, but it still happened from time to time. He’ll be on the couch watching tv (just so he didn’t lay in bed all day) and remember Voryn wasn’t there and his entire mood would drop. He’d likely never see Voryn again, and his son would never meet his other dad. He couldn’t share all the stupid little pregnancy milestones or tell Voryn how big the baby was or that their baby could dream by now and wonder what he was dreaming about. 

Just as his thoughts were starting to get to him though, his mom came in, holding an envelope in her hands. 

“... Hey kid,” She began, clearly apprehensive. It was out of character for Nivara, she normally hated delaying things or beating around the bush. “There’s a letter I think you should read.”

“A letter?” He raised an eyebrow, holding out his hand. 

When Nivara handed it off to him, he almost wished she hadn’t. He made it to the name of who sent it and already wanted to fucking burn the damn thing. 

“Nerevar,

If you’re reading this letter, I presume your mother gave it to you. I already wrote a letter to her as well explaining the situation urging her to let you read this. Apologies for involving her in this, but I felt like it might be safer than mailing you directly and having you dispose of it without even giving it a glance. 

I found out what Gilvoth, Vemyn, and Uthol did. Let me tell you outright: what they did was wrong. They not only hurt you and Voryn, they also broke the law and my trust. They had no business getting your medical information and coercing you with that information. 

Simply all I ask is that we speak about this like adults. You never got the chance to talk with Voryn about it properly, nor were we ever able to speak about it either. At least for the sake of closure and coming to an agreement, I want us to speak about everything.

Voryn isn’t in trouble. You are not in trouble. I am not angry with either of you. Voryn will not be disowned or disinherited regardless of your decision. I am not asking you to come back if you don’t want to. You are more than free to refuse being involved with my son or moving back at all. I won’t push you to give up custody. I just want us to speak, say everything we want to say, and hopefully agree on something. 

Signed,

Morvani Dagoth”

Nerevar stared at the letter for some time, dread creeping over him. He reread the letters over and over, almost nauseous. 

Morvani knew. Voryn’s mother knew. She said Voryn wouldn’t be disowner or disinherited, but he didn’t know how much he believed her. It could just be an excuse to confirm if he was actually pregnant or not. That, or she could just want to see him to make sure the baby and Voryn would never have a relationship, throwing a check at him to make him stay away from her son. 

“I think you should speak with them.” Nivara said as Nerevar put the letter down and covered his face. 

“Why?” Nerevar asked, in a tone he couldn’t decipher was annoyed or distressed, even though he was the one speaking. 

“Because I think she’s telling the truth.” Nivara continued. “She seems to want to sort this all out, and at the very least give you both closure.” Nivara was tense, staring at the tv but not really watching it. “And you’ve been miserable this entire time.”

“Mom, I’m pregnant, of course I’m miserable.” He could be in college right now, laughing and joking and getting ready for winter break, but instead he was on his mom’s couch seven months pregnant, feeling like shit from a combination of pain and dysphoria. 

“It’s more than that and you know it.” Nivara shot him a glare. “You cry about everything and you rarely ever cry. You would lay in bed all day if it wasn’t for the baby. Your eyes are dead. You’re miserable.” 

“I’m pretty sure most of that is because I’m pregnant.” Sure, he felt hollow and wanted to lay in bed all day because of the breakup, but most of the other stuff was just the pregnancy. 

“You miss Voryn.” She sighed. “You don’t have to lie or say it’s for the best to stay away from him anymore.” She urged him again. “His mother already knows. I at least want you to just go speak with them to tell them you’re through with him and get everything off your chest.” 

Nerevar could see her point. The issue was Nerevar didn’t know if he was strong enough to face Voryn right now. Not any time soon at all, actually. He was terrified he would break down and fall right into Voryn’s arms, apologizing for hurting him with that text and just vanishing on him, especially since it seemed like it didn’t fucking matter considering his mother found out anyways. 

And even if he went back with Voryn, what good would it do anyways? All he’d be doing is delaying the inevitable and letting his son get attached to Voryn. They would play together, spend time together as a family, bond, and eventually Voryn would grow distant and leave the two of them behind. He would have to explain to his son that his other dad just didn’t love them anymore and didn’t want to be a part of their lives. That would be even more cruel, right? Looking into his little baby’s eyes and telling him they weren’t wanted or loved anymore or having to lie to him and tell him his other father just was going through something and still loved them when the child could see otherwise…

Ah shit, Nerevar was crying again. Like, really crying, tears pouring out of his eyes at the heartbreak. In his stomach, seeming to protest it, the baby kicked hard and Nerevar hissed in pain as he wiped his face. 

“Neht,” Nivara wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “It’ll be alright.” 

“No it won’t.” Nerevar groaned, still unable to look at her. “I can’t face him right now, I’ll just want to go back with him.” 

“Then go back with him.” She said, as though it was simple. 

“I can’t.” Nerevar stressed. “I can’t just go back with him, not when he might leave me--”

“Why are you so worried about something that might not even happen?” Nivara asked him incredulously, almost like Nerevar was stupid for even suggesting it. 

“Because it’s going to happen!” Nerevar snapped. “He’s young and stupid now, but he’s going to grow out of me. He’s going to realize he wants someone of the same social standing as him, someone he isn’t fucking embarassed to be around, someone his whole family actually wants around, and he’s going to leave me behind!” He hadn’t ever actually told anyone his fears for the future, but he couldn’t stop the words tumbling out of his mouth. “And the last thing I want is to let my son get attached to him, only for Voryn to change his mind and leave the both of us behind, having to explain to the kid why his other dad doesn’t fucking love us anymore and why he’s unwanted. I can’t put him through that, I can’t let him be hurt like that…”

He was sobbing almost uncontrollably now, between groans of pain as another sharp pain shot down from his hips to his legs. 

Nivara continued to rub his shoulder, before sighing after a few minutes.

“Nerevar,” She began, “You’re being a fucking idiot.”

“Mom!” Nerevar hissed. 

“You’ve gotten yourself so worried over something that may not happen.” She continued. “Sure, he might do it because rich people suck, but you never know what people might do. He might never leave you. He might chase you down no matter how many times you push him away.” Nerevar couldn’t see that happening if he was honest. Sure, maybe at first, but why would Voryn chase after him. 

“Did he ever seem like the type to change his mind like that? Is he uncommitted?” Nivara asked, her tone showing that she demanded an answer. 

After a few moments, Nerevar hiccuped, still hiding his face. “No…” He mumbled. If anything Voryn was overcommitted to most things, even to his detriment. He didn’t seem to know when to quit or obsessed over things. “But why would he stay with me?” 

“Maybe because he’s a bigger idiot than you are.” Nivara answered. “Look, do you love him?”

“... Yes.” Nerevar answered. 

“Do you want to be with him, if you knew he wasn’t going to leave you?”

“Yes.” Nerevar answered again.

“Has he ever done anything to break your trust?”

“No.” The kicking was calming down, as were his sobs.

“Then why not give him a chance.” Nivara urged him again. “At least hear him out. And if you go back with him and he pulls that shit to you and my grandson there isn’t a single person on this planet that can stop me from kicking his ass.” Nerevar snorted at that, before eventually he erupted into laughter, his body shaking from the force of it. In response the baby kicked again, making Nerevar wince and stop. 

“Be careful. Little guy is sensitive.” 

“I think I woke him up from a nap with my crying. Now he’s pissed at me.” Nerevar groaned, rubbing his stomach almost apologetically.

“Relax a little bit and calm down.” Nivara patted his back. “I’ll call Voryn’s mom and set up a meeting. Probably at the house, or at the very least somewhere private. Does that work for you?”

“Yeah.” Nerevar was still nervous about the whole thing, but he felt a bit more reassured. It didn’t seem impossible anymore, at least. And if he got nervous he’d just hide in his room until his mom forced them to leave. And in his mom’s house he didn’t have to worry about causing a scene if he broke down crying. “Here would probably be good.”

[altermay]

Tw/ transphobia, discussions of dysphoria, brief mention of suicide, descriptions of child abuse

Getting unbearable. Feeling sick. Started working to afford hormones only to find out the service that is most accessible to me (plume) doesnt offer T in alabama anymore due to changing laws. Fuck all these stupid politicians putting their noses in others lives.

Thought people at work wouldnt make a super huge deal, as I was selective with who I told, so i thought maybe I could hold out a bit longer and at least i wouldnt have to feel so dysphoric all the time, since all my coworkers knew me as Monte. But then instead of my name, people who would usually call anyone else by their name started calling me “Miss” and “maam”

Even the ones I had come out to, and even the ones who told me they were accepting.

Whatever, im from a small rural area, so transphobia is not new to me, what is new to me, however, is being openly trans in an unfamilliar environment. I thought I could start T quickly and maybe people would ever forget that im trans in the first place, but now its been so long.

Some people call me He, and use the right pronouns, but increasingly lately Ive received a myriad of transphobia.

Being called tranny loudly while my coworker kicks my broom as I try to sweep (kicking hard enough for the broom to almost leave my hands and hit another person behind me) , Getting called “it” behind my back. Stuff like this is becoming more common.

The two coworkers who called me it, have been spreading lies about my work performance these past five days, Ive been told my three different people that every time I leave to go do something they start talking badly of me. So I got to my breaking point, at this point it had nothing to do with the pronouns, I was just upset that two forty+ year old adults were purposefully making my job harder to do while I was also struggling with a ton of other stuff (ptsd, seasonal depression, a family members recent suicide) and so I couldnt stop crying.

Despite this situation having nothing to do with me being trans, they are now trying to spread the narrative that Im just being sensitive because they were misgendering me while they were borderline bullying me.

If I was not trans, people would take me seriously on these issues. But now, because I am upset, suddenly Im just a stereotype. A sensitive trans person who is offended because someone used the wrong pronouns a few times.

I will be one to say, I do not give a SHIT about my pronouns. Ive been called the wrong ones my whole life by a majority of people. That was never the issue. But because Im trans, that is the only issue people can perceive for me to have. The ONE issue I had with them regarding my pronouns was them calling me “it” and thats not because its the wrong pronoun, thats because its DEHUMANIZING.

But now I have other coworkers who know NOTHING about the situation saying shit like “well if she claims shes a man maybe she should suck it up” “well if she wants to be seen as a man maybe she shpuld cut her hair”

Fuck you. How about YOU get beaten for 17 years, YOU watch your siblings get beaten near to death for 17 years. YOU have flashbacks of things you dont understand all day every day and we will see how fucking well youre able to “suck it up” you are WEAK. YOU ARE ALL WEAK. And you dont know what its like to be me. My mother tried to kill me. My mother almost killed my sister, I was neglected, never went to a doctor, and I STILL dont know how to take care of myself. And I still havent recovered all of the memories.

Ive had SHORT HAIR ive had LONG HAIR Ive had a MOHAWK, ive had a BUZZCUT ive been BALD. And people STILL fucking saw me as a woman. Im tired of conforming to this bullshit just so people can treat me the same as they always do

Fun fact though, since Ive had long hair Ive been gendered correctly by strangers MORE than I have with ANY OTHER HAIR STYLE.

These stupid fucking transphobes and their stupid fucking stereotypes im so fucking sick of it all. And corporate wont do anything about it, Im sure of this.

Why is it so hard for me to just live my fucking life.

Im so sick of it all

[selfshipping-central]

Matchup for 🕷 anon!!

Fandom: Obey Me

Satan!! (Romantic)

I’ve decided to pair you with Satan!! Everyone’s favourite cat lover <3

I do wanna talk a little about his reaction to coming out first, if you two are already in a romantic relationship by this point oh my god he is so supportive and so patient.

Want’s to learn everything so he’ll ask you so many questions!!

“So… did you figure it out? How did you figure it out??”

He might forget that a few of them are seen as offensive so you might need to remind him ≡(▔﹏▔)≡

“Oh sorry- I didn’t mean to offend you darling.”

Bless him he just wants to learn more about you <3

Oh my god he’ll take you binder shopping with Asmo. While Asmo is buying all the cute pretty ones you and Satan are looking at Miku binder and giggling.

“We should get this one.”

The only other person I see being almost as hype as Satan when you come out is Asmo.

You and Satan defiantly have some sort of ‘piggybank’ for your surgeries.

Stays by your side the minute you’re out, fretting over you.

This piggybank is heavily protected. Mammon has been banned form dipping his grubby lil fingers into the account lest Lucifer hang him from the ceiling again.

“Wait I didn’t mean to Satan I didn’t know!! Please don’t get Lucifer.”  

He doesn’t mind how silly you are online, he’s not a big social media user but he’ll post pictures of you both on Devilgram.

“Asmo said to post pictures of us on our dates. So smile for the camera darling.”

Loves how shy you are.

It reminds him of a cat.

Unironically calls you ‘kitten’.

“Kitten come here.” *The horrid sound of Mammon’s laughter as he falls to the floor gasping for air.*

You two can be overachievers together. The only thing scarier than Lucifer is you and Satan during exam prep.

“Now listen here darling. I’m not letting you beat me on this exam just you wait.”

Can I hear it for academic rivals to lovers?!

You two are always comparing marks and either congratulating each other, or cursing the heavens.

Somewhere, far away. Simeon sneezes.

You need that academic praise? He’s got you.

“Wait you got full marks on that one? I was sure you would lose a few… wow darling. You must be better at Devildom history than me… that’s impressive for a human. Good job.”

Is so confused if you start crying because of the praise.

“Did I do something wrong?? All I did was attempt to praise you-”

Adores quality time. You might be sitting next to him while you crochet while he studies or watches cat videos or something and he’s having the time of his life.

Doesn’t get overly jealous of other demons, but he will get really pissed off if he catches anyone near you that are clearly pushing your boundaries.

Teach him how to play some basketball.

Once he get’s the hand of it he might slam you at it.

All friendly obviously.

Set bets for each other, the kind if you lose you gotta do yadda yadda for Satan and vice versa.

Gives you both that extra push to go all out.

Think’s your makeup is pretty cool and would let you try putting some on him. But only after Asmo is done having his half hour makeup session with you.

He honestly doesn’t really care about the way you look, dress, etc. If you are getting dysphoria or are feeling particularly insecure, he will do his best to make you feel as comfortable as possible.

Simply stands off in the corner while Asmo helps you with fashion.

Oh could you please show him how to wear a jacker properly its really fucking annoying <33

Takes you to cat cafes.

Late night karaoke?

Late night karaoke.