#only QPRs for me now if anything lol

[ddlcbrainrot]

What are your ships in ddlc? I noticed you do all the ships- If you ship all then what’s your favorite ship?

Now, whoever you are how did you that i was thinking of talking about my ship opinions soon?? mind wizard

SO, here’s the thing : when it comes to ships in genera it takes a lot for me to actually have OTPs and stuff and this is especially true in ddlc for me. For me shipping is more of a “sure, i could get behind this” sort of thing, except if once in a blue moon i find that one ship that alters my brain chemistry but believe it or not that has not really happened to me with any of the ddlc ships. It has happened with the game as a whole, but not really with the ships. The only one that has come close i’d say is sayonika but that’s more bc they happen to be the characters that i think about the most

That being said, i’d say i ship every ship in the game, simply because i could honestly see all of them working out in one way or another. Sure, they’re are some i like more than others but generally all of them work. And yes, this includes the Mc ships even though i like them less bc the side stories blew it out of the park with the chemistry between the girls

Speaking of the side stories, they are the sole reason i got into the shipping side of the fandom lol. The base game, as influential as it was for me, never really ignited any shipping sparks ig. I actually could not care less for the shipping before the side stories, bc most of it felt kind of trope-y ironically enough. Like, Natsuri was the big one, which was only popular bc of the whole opposite’s attract thing (not that there’s anything wrong with that ofc, it just never really resonated with me). Sayonika was a victim of what i like to call the “leftovers syndrome” where two characters are shipped bc they are the only ones left to be shipped with.

And Mc.. well let’s talk about that actually. Mc x Yuri is well… how do i put this. They have absolutely nothing in common. I don’t necessarily hate this ship however, if i see it done right i can like it. Mc x Natsuki was alright, the banter was fun, they actually have things they can talk about, it’s overall a nice ship. I will say i prefer them as close friends, but if i was to see media (fan art, fics, mods etc) where it’s done right, i can appreciate it. Mc x Sayori is also a ship i can enjoy from time to time, probably the most out of any Mc ship. Again, i do prefer talking about their friendship more though but now that i’m writing this down i realise i’m just a slut for male/female friendships. Mc x Monika truly depends on what context the characters are given. Are we talking about non-sentient Monika x Mc? Bc that can be pretty fun. If we are talking about sentient Monika x Mc, i see a very interesting dynamic (not a particularly good one) where Monika is basically using Mc as a vessel for the player in her desperation. Can Mc feel this dynamic? Does he understand in some way that he’s the second choice, even if he doesn’t know the truth about their world? How does it affect him? Its fun to ponder about this ig, but it doesn’t really make for a healthy relationship

Then the side stories came out, where the characters evolved from their one-dimensional tropes into actual personalities with enticing dynamics between them and i was immediately sold. That being said, i still don’t really have an OTP per say, bc as stated before all of them could work out. Which is definitely bc of how we get to see each of them interact individually in each side story. In every side story, we see each character interact with the other and learn how to grow as individuals because of it. I could see each pairing happening individually, i could see them being a poly couple, maybe even a qpr, or just a very close friend group too! There is a lot of love between the characters, whether that is romantic, platonic or something in between im not 100% certain on, but the love is definitely there.

Anyway, you also asked what my favourite ship would be, and i’ll probably say Sayonika since most of the media I consume tends to be with them

WOW this was a long post. Hope i didn’t bore you too much. Thank you for the ask!!

[hellsite-detective]

This has been killing me. I haven't been able to find this post in like at least 6 months. It's a picture of three people in a basement and the description reads "1996. My three butch friends were helping me renovate my basement and wouldn't take any payment, only shitty beer." And the three people have like flannels and tool belts on and beers and I think one of them is smoking. I literally have put that into search and I can't find it on my blog or on Tumblr. Please you're my only hope. (Also I noticed your post about your qpr. Well done on that. I think I'm aro too and I kind of want that so a little jealous lol.)

first and foremost, before we get down to business, ah thank you!! i hope you're able to find a qpr as well! i wish you the best of luck!

but now, gettin' serious, findin' this post proved rather simple. i headed down to the Search Bar and asked Don Google for "tumblr 1996 three butch friends" and was handed the exact link instantly with no trouble whatsoever. i filed it away back at my office.

here you are! your wonderful beer-drinkin' butch basement renovators! have a great day!

Post Case: Closed

[wolfcamellias]

how do you picture qpr shadowpeach? your ideas about them fascinate me

@blood-king asked: *cough* So uh, completely unprompted totally didnt see a post or anything; How would QPR shadowpeach work? (Also /gen question cause ur thoughts on them are always interesting lol)

WELL! I’m so glad you asked! Bare with me that I’m working with canon material and even then I have to take into consideration that S4 might erase all of this and produce something different for ShadowPeach  ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ 

[insert “no fear” / “one fear” meme redraw here]

BUT! Anyways! Let’s look deeper into these freaks now shall we 

First let’s dissect everything we got thus far on Sun Wukong and Macaque’s canon dynamic before diving into the QPR aspect of it all 

-------------

Season One 

I want everyone to remember that besides the iconic line of “You are such a gem” has more meaning behind it than we realize. We don’t have much to work with in terms of Season One material and at this base level we can consider the fact that it was.. Just a crackship by this point, they only have one brief interaction and Macaque was never seen again. During that moment we can see that Sun Wukong and Macaque are treated to be “equals” in this instance solely because Macaque was able to absorb Xiaotian’s powers and render him immobile for a while. In this instance we can see that Macaque was copying Sun Wukong’s moves aside from the shadow clone-summonings and the Shadow Puppet creation. 

This implies Macaque was well adept into mimicking Sun Wukong that he was capable of copying all of his moves without pause and heart beat but also managed to “outwit” Sun Wukong by using the fact that he cares about Xiaotian as a stepping stone and tries to get the upper hand constantly on him during the fight. 

“Wukong! How ya doin’ bud? [Scoffs]” “Aren’t you ever going to get sick of living in my shadow?”

“Oh god is Rhy going to psychoanalyz—” yes now sit down. 

Macaque’s tone is mocking all the way during this small exchange, even mocking Wukong’s “bud” that he uses to address Xiaotian, attempting to edge him on and get him to engage with him. Right from the start he’s trying to instigate him, he wants Wukong to react in a way that’ll lead to a fight, that will cause some wreckage, he wants Sun Wukong to see him and think “I want to engage with this person for the rest of my life, I can’t stop thinking about him” when in truth Macaque is the one chasing Wukong’s attention constantly.

Sun Wukong’s tone is something I’ve analyzed once, twice, several times before. Wukong’s tone here is stressed and non-intimidating—he’s more disappointed than you realize. Sun Wukong witnessed Xiaotian’s personality change to someone who snaps back at him, tells him he’s been training with someone who’s actually teaching him when Sun Wukong knows Xiaotian’s mortal and has his limits. Had Xiaotian gotten incredibly hurt, his reaction to Macaque’s mocking would have been worse. Because Wukong does not instigate fights. He doesn’t try to play into the bait that Macaque leaves him, he asks him if he’s tired of repeating this cycle. It’s true, it is a cycle and we see it throughout most of their relationship: Sun Wukong takes a step back and Macaque takes two steps forward. He’s the one keeping Macaque at a distance.

And something that’s very interesting when it comes to Wukong’s word choice: he says, ‘living in my shadow’. Which is interesting! It implies that Sun Wukong does not want Macaque to be in his shadow. He does not want Macaque around let alone being his shadow—he wants him to step out of it. It’s interesting to see that Sun Wukong does not seem to think he was the one who put Macaque in his shadow — it’s interesting to see.

“It’s time to give back what you stole.”

Again, Wukong gets straight to the point: “You hurt my successor, a mortal, and I can tell you’re not going to talk through this so I’ll resort to your level.”

But he also does not engage Macaque immediately. Only does so when Macaque continues and says this:

“You are such a gem. It's going to be so satisfying, killing you with your own powers.”

Did you know that in JTTW Macaque was mirroring all of Sun Wukong’s powers? He was basically an exact replica in that moment and thus it resulted in a stalemate for a long time?

Macaque is A) admitting here that he’s using Sun Wukong’s own strength against him thus making him his equal in that instant, more so with the fact Sun Wukong is canonically holding back at this point, meaning Macaque’s frustration with him later makes sense because he knows Sun Wukong is holding back—he just doesn’t know by how much and B) he’s once again instigating Wukong by calling him a gem, something he only does once throughout the show before he switches to other forms of taunting. 

Sun Wukong is a stone monkey, he was born from a rock. He was treated as more of a piece of coal throughout the entirety of the Journey by both Heaven and his pilgrim brothers and even his master at times (not to say that’s the exact way the Pilgrims and Tripitaka act in the show but I digress) and to call him a gem.. Is purely amusing considering how he then proceeds to say Sun Wukong was gifted with all of his abilities and powers in the following season. He’s not complimenting him—and even if he was, it probably lost its value in the moment, considering the situation they were in.

“Seriously? You fell for that?”

Macaque instigating Sun Wukong and further trying to get him to get angry and stoop down to his level? More likely than you think.

“Come on. Show me the real Sun Wukong. The old you would have leveled this whole mountain range to stop me, but you're scared of hurting some kid? Pathetic.”

Macaque proceeds to try and urge Wukong to go back to being his old self, he wants Wukong to be that reckless, capricious, overpowered guy whom he (for lack of better platonic based term) fell in love with in terms of admiration and, amusingly, it’s also something he clings on to because that’s a recurring theme with Macaque: being stuck in the past.

Sun Wukong is not reacting how he wants him to and that’s what irritates him the most. He wants them to go back to their past and that’s the unhealthy aspect of him: he doesn’t realize people can change for better or worse—or, at the very least, he doesn’t want to acknowledge it with the way he witnesses Sun Wukong protect Xiaotian and worry over him more than he pays attention to Macaque himself. He doesn’t want to believe Sun Wukong’s changed as a person and that he  needs to change before they can make anything work.

------------------

Season Two

Sun Wukong is absent throughout most of this Season due to his quest to find a weapon to fight against LBD and then the subtle timeskip of Heaven’s days and Earth’s years working a little funky. 

Of course then we dip our feet into the very shallow pool that is Macaque’s view of how Sun Wukong’s character works despite not having had a proper conversation with him over the past five hundred years or so. 

“The hero and the warrior were like the Sun and the Moon. Their light, a protective glow, shining upon the world. Together, there was nothing that could stop the two of them. Either in the Celestial Realms or on Earth. As time went on, the hero attained power beyond comprehension. As the hero's light grew, so too did his shadow. And soon, the warrior was cast in that shadow. In the darkness, the warrior was forgotten by the hero.”

Shoutout to Lego Monkie Kid for being able to write biased narratives throughout the show. 

Macaque’s word choices are interesting: he’s glorifying the past (again) and putting the Hero (Wukong) on a high pedestal and repeating he was abandoned and forgotten and cast in the shadows. The interesting point is noting that Macaque is a strongly biased narrator, he views Sun Wukong as lesser than him and wants him to come down to his level of petty words and constant fighting when Sun Wukong does not react nor chase him around. And something to note about Sun Wukong is that he values and cares genuinely and strongly for his friends; to say that Sun Wukong purposefully put Macaque in his shadow is a stretch.

The theory that Sun Wukong told Macaque to stay behind while he went to the war against Heaven (thus fighting with Nezha, Muzha and Erlang) led to Macaque taking it as ‘you are weak and can’t follow me’, twisting Wukong’s words and his perception of him is the most likely theory taking into consideration how LBD was confirmed to have messed with Macaque’s memories and that Macaque later states that Sun Wukong didn’t work hard for his powers.

Unless Lego Monkie Kid rewrote the starting chapters of Journey To The West where Sun Wukong spends years training for his immortality, several more reigning over his kingdom and then the inevitable trauma and imprisonment? Sun Wukong worked very hard for his position, regardless of whether or not he was cocky or gained a high ego over it, and Macaque just turns away from the truth and only sees what he wants to see.

We don’t talk about the fact that he proceeded to project onto Xiaotian and said he did not have abandonment issues and that he forgot about the friends that Macaque himself kidnapped. 

And of course we get the moment where Macaque gets a flashback of Sun Wukong punching him, correlating to the somewhat confirmed theory that Sun Wukong murdered Macaque during a certain point in the JTTW arc of the show.

And then it’s not addressed again until Season Three.

Season Three

(I’ve typed Macaque 37 times and Wukong 48 times and idk how to feel about that)

Sun Wukong is emotionally and mentally and physically drained the moment we see him back at the start of the Season. He’s focused on securing the map and gaining the Samadhi Fire for the chance of defeating Lady Bone Demon and Macaque on the other hand, as we can see in the flashback that occurs later in the season, was leashed and held with a dagger to his neck when moving closer to Wukong.

Macaque and Sun Wukong’s banter is.. a singular moment where he allows himself to fall into Macaque’s cycle. “Always the comedian,” implies Macaque is well aware that Wukong is masking his tone and overall stability to show he’s holding himself together when in truth he very much isn’t. Wukong continues to taunt Macaque because this is what he wanted, he wanted a true reaction out of him — to which I mean, he wants Wukong to react in a negative sense, he wants them to fight, he wants to instigate fights with him because that in itself is a distraction from talking about their past. 

Wukong avoids Macaque and even warns everyone about him, tries to keep Macaque away from Xiaotian and the others as much as possible to the point of making himself bait for the sake of them getting away during the train station scene. 

Genuinely, Sun Wukong saw Macaque as someone dangerous to Xiaotian due to the trauma that Macaque gave him during his introduction episode where he threatened to kill Xiaotian for the sake of getting to Wukong.

And that’s not without discussing the fact that Wukong was able to make Macaque freeze at the change of tone. During the ice scene with Nezha, Wukong tries to instigate a sort of scuffle with Macaque this time, repeating the same tone and mask he used back during the airship fight. Because he wants him to fall back into that little cycle of theirs that Macaque was constantly chasing.

What he didn’t account for was Macaque not following the same path he usually does. The reason behind Wukong’s anger when he reaches to choke Macaque isn’t just because he started the ritual: he didn’t listen to Wukong (again), he tried to shift his blame onto Wukong, he hurt Xiaotian, he threatened Xiaojiao, and pushed Tang into starting the ritual. And, yes, Wukong was watching all of it despite not knowing what it is they were saying, but he is very much aware of Macaque’s actions when he went after them clawing for survival.

It’s also important to remember that it’s heavily implied both Sun Wukong and Macaque must have done something to cause their relationship to become so estranged. Because Macaque is the one who leaves this time, Macaque is the one who tried to get away from this situation, Macaque is the one who tries to escape and that’s what ticks Wukong off further. 

Because Macaque is a coward and that’s something he needs to work on excessively. 

Yes, there is the looking back scene, there is the moment where Macaque and Wukong look at each other in the Samadhi Fire episode but just because they took one step does not mean they’ve finished climbing up the ladder to mending their relationship. 

However.

Sun Wukong was still holding back during his fight with Macaque.

Because despite this intense power imbalance, despite the fact Sun Wukong was possessed, he was still conscious, he was still aware of his actions. Knowing how roughed up he managed to get Macaque it's only safe to assume he was choosing to hold back in an attempt to delay the end result of the fight.

And afterwards we get a cleaner conclusion: they put their differences aside to help Xiaotian and end their last interaction with Macaque falling back into edging Wukong on and ignoring his actions throughout the Season and calling him selfish—as harsh as it may sound, he’s not yet accepting the fact Sun Wukong has changed and thus Sun Wukong will not consider him as someone he can be comfortable around or someone worth having an actual conversation with. 

See: When talking to Xiaotian he drops the masks (slightly) and admits he has never had a proper successor before nor has he ever been a mentor. Even when Xiaotian reveals he plays dumb to lighten the mood, Sun Wukong just laughs and brings him closer rather than pushing him away. He does not do that with Macaque because he doesn’t even consider him someone worth trying for.

---------

“Break Up” Stage

“But how would they work?”

They need to separate first.

Sun Wukong and Macaque require a lengthy break from each other, both without mentioning or seeing the other let alone engaging them because the chances of them actually communicating is slim to none. They need to work on themselves and separate to work on their individual trauma before they can even begin to discuss their own issues.

Sun Wukong is closed off and Macaque is self-centered in the way that, Wukong does not address his trauma and even then plays it off as a joke while Macaque makes his own personal issues seem more important or drastic than others (whether intentionally or not).

Macaque is also heavily focused on Wukong while Wukong can easily look away from Macaque lest the latter mocks or taunts him.  They need to be away from each other for a while before even beginning to take those steps towards friendship.

--------------------

Things they need to work on first

Sun Wukong needs to work on his communication skills, emotional and mental stability, learn how to make healthy coping habits for his trauma and actually talk to someone about his trauma. He bottles everything up and then often uses himself as bait/a shield for everyone (especially Xiaotian) and that’s taking a toll on him. He even openly declares he’s going to sacrifice himself when asked what his plan was about the fire and then immediately joked about it to numb it down. 

He constantly lets others snap at him without defending himself not because he can’t but because of trauma when speaking out towards others if they stick by JTTW lore (when contradicting Tripitaka’s actions, he would be punished with the tightening spell, etc.). He needs to get better at this before even beginning the idea of rekindling a friendship that must have heavily hurt him enough for him to not want to engage with the other party again. 

Macaque needs to work on his emotional and mental stability, learn not to trauma dump onto others, learn to let go and learn that his actions heavily affect others. He berates Wukong for seemingly “making things worse for Xiaotian” and then proceeds to hurt, manipulate and traumatize him and his friends. 

He gets away with it and that’s something that.. should not have happened? His actions throughout the series have consisted of kidnapping and borderline traumatizing a stranger to him who looked up to him and then proceeded to ask if he missed him. He’s mocking him, he’s mocking everyone and Wukong is not exempt from this.

Macaque needs to work on learning how to engage without seeing things through his own bias-tinted lenses and realize there are other people around him who are suffering from his actions and that being traumatized is not an excuse to be a shitty person to others.

Otherwise, the entire relationship could be toxic.

-----------------

Things that could work with them

Sun Wukong opening up to Macaque about why he doesn’t engage with him 

Macaque calling out Wukong on his past actions in a way that isn’t meant to be seen as an attack

Sun Wukong and Macaque (after being separated) finding each other when they’re in healthier environments and talking/discussing their past and how they can move forward together

Macaque apologizing to Wukong first

Macaque realizing Sun Wukong is traumatized from the Journey

Wukong realizing why Macaque chases after him so much and setting aside boundaries so they can engage without it becoming overwhelming

Sun Wukong and Macaque addressing the fact they’ve both hurt each other and realizing it can’t work unless they both put an effort into it

Macaque being Wukong’s shoulder to lean on; Wukong being the one to call Macaque out when he pushes things too far

A normal non-romantic involved QPR or friendship

-------------------

Things to consider

The reason why a QPR works so well with Sun Wukong and Macaque is a bit simple but also complicated: 

Sun Wukong throughout the course of Journey to the West and all its past and future iterations have always had him be uninterested in both men and women. There are multiple instances where he’s capable of courting women and he instead backs away or does not pay it any mind; aside from this he’s heavily implied to only care about familial love and friendships. He does not see his pilgrim brothers as anything more than family and he views Tripitaka as a mentor rather than someone whom he was chained to (coughs). 

Sun Wukong is always been heavily coded to be on the aro or ace spectrum in media and Lego Monkie Kid focuses more on the platonic aspect of relationships and Sun Wukong being in a Queer-Platonic Relationship would be more impacting than a regular romantic one. He does not understand normal human customs being a monkey and all and creating a type of relationship that’s unique to him and Macaque alone would be far more comfortable to him than to have a relationship that follows rules.

Macaque also has shown no signs of romantic attraction towards any of the cast and, considering the idea that they continue this fact, him being on the aro or ace spectrum would also be an incredible move on their part. Not only because he’s meant to represent the other side of Wukong’s metaphorical coin but because it’d be the first canon aro or ace villain character thus far in a kids’ show.

This and the fact that— both Sun Wukong and Macaque are over a thousand years old. Why on earth would they have a normal type of relationship? Giving them a checklist of what passes on as romantic and platonic when to them the line is so blurred it’s barely existent to them is amusing. 

Sun Wukong and Macaque having their own weird relationship where it changes from frustrated best friends to partners to angry middle aged demons to the tired traumatized immortals who sometimes cuddle while marathoning weird stupid comedies or tragedies on netflix is much more appealing than the average type of relationship media often portrays. Having Sun Wukong and Macaque see each other as equals on all known terms is interesting and good.

-----------------

Differences in giving and receiving affection (HC on Macaque’s part)

This one is a tad short considering how little we have on the matter but both monkeys resort to verbal praise — however there is a big difference in this.

Sun Wukong’s love language is acts of service (Journey), verbal reassurance, touch and familiarity with one’s actions and quirks. 

Macaque’s… are genuinely unknown seeing as his verbal praise is just a manipulation tactic but it’s somewhat twistable into something more.. Genuine if you take into account how he could just as easily turn Wukong’s words against himself when he spares Macaque a compliment.

-----------------

Final Message

This took me way longer than it should have.

Buy My Silence.

[aroace-confessions]

(i just sent in a confession but it reminded me of another thing i need to rant about, sorry for blowing up your inbox lol) i feel like i'm the only aspec person who doesn't like the concept of qpr's. every definition i've seen is either just a super best friend or a romantic relationship. but you can't criticize qpr's without being accused of being an acephobic troll, or having internalized acephobia.

"it's someone you want to live with and spend the rest of your life with, platonically!" so a super best friend? "it's someone who you'd raise each other's kids with!" so a chosen family? "it's someone you love but don't kiss or have sex with!" so you think kissing and sex is required for a relationship?

i feel like i'm going crazy, what happened to the sentiment that relationships and partners can look like a million different things and are different for everyone? now all of a sudden we're pretending like there's only one way to be friends with someone/in a relationship and anything outside that narrow definition is a "queer platonic relationship"??? idk it just feels so childish. "no this isn't a normie friendship or icky romance, it's special!" ok girl have fun playing romantic limbo, i'll be over here with the adults

Submitted 31/03/24

[innitmarvellous]

Yeah, I know, I said the last ace rant was the final part, but the third aspec book I read ('Sounds Fake But Okay') annoyed me again, lol. It wasn't all bad, but some bits...

Except that it doesn't? It never has? People say they love their friends or their family, or a character from a TV show? Or also idk, God or Jesus if they're religious. None of these imply romantic love even without specifying anything.

Well, good for her, but that's not much of a comfort, isn't it? So we'll inevitably die alone, but we don't need to fear that because we can still have friends - who'll desert us once they find a partner. Yes, well, that's certainly very nice :/

Lol, maybe that's why my existence is so "unrecognisable" then. Because I literally didn't have any friends before I started to use social media etc. And even know my biggest fear is too annoying, too boring, too whatever else for everyone - and I have a hard time to make out whether the people I consider friends consider me as such too 😭

Well, this part was at least relatable, even if I never thought about this before. Then again, it might have been the other way round for me. Being a girl/woman was literally never very important for me, and I never felt the need to adhere to gender norms just because it's expected. E.g. I never thought I needed/wanted to be pretty to be attractive for men. So it sort of did felt like things made sense when I realised that there is indeed no need for me to attact anyone with my physical looks.

---

The chapter about QPRs made me realise that this isn't an option for me either. The insecurities around this form of relationship would be simply too much for me. Like, having to agree on what the relationship looks like, what kind of things would be alright or not alright (re physical contact and all kinds of intimacy etc), how long it might last and all that...it would be near impossible to agree on anything like that once I would put in my wishes in that regard. Because it wouldn't feel right to push my demands on someone else, and yet I'm way too selfish because I also wouldn't want to live in a way another person wants me too. So...I think that's another dream I might as well bury right now, before I got into it too much. ^^

---

Yet another general thing: the books usually mentioned that we should think about what we would expect from a relationship and I did give this some thought. I think the main - and honestly almost only - prerequisite for me would be that any potential partner would accept me as I am. Well, and some mutual trust would be high up on the list, too. That's literally all I need, I think. I wouldn't mind if e.g. in case it's an allo person and they would have someone else to fulfill their sexual needs or whatever, as long as I could be sure of still having a relationship based on trust with them.

Yes, I know that this is already asking for way too much. I'm only too aware of that, so maybe it's understandable why I'm so frustrated. I know I should do it, but I'm too selfish to lower my standards, so there isn't much hope for me and I hate it :/

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not telling my best friend I basically want to spend the rest of my life with her?

(This is long, I'm sorry, I'm incapable of shortly summarizing things)

Ok. So. I (26NB/FTM) am not in love with my best friend (25F), I'm ace and either aro or demiromantic (honestly not sure anymore). But I do love her as much as I can love anyone, probably. To the extent that I would want to be in a committed relationship (qpr I guess) with her and genuinely want to spend the rest of my life with her.

The thing is, she's neither aro nor ace and has only recently (last year) started overcoming fears and anxiety enough that she's gone on dates and wants to try having a relationship. It wasn't easy for her to get to this point and her anxiety is still a major thing she deals with, especially now trying to have a relationship. I know she doesn't love me romantically (not that I would particularly want her to) bc I'm firmly in the friend category and she's said that she can't fall in love with friends (though, again, I don't… want her to be in love me? Since I'm not in love with her either).

I want her to have these experiences. We're both still young and while I just don't need or want anything in that regard, I know it's different for her and in a way it's her finally being able to be herself, live for herself and do what she wants (she had a rough childhood and was basically the one raising her little brother). So, I really do want her to have these experiences and I'm not really jealous either bc I know I'm still more important to her ("bros before hoes" and all that, even if the hoes are guys lol). Though I have to admit it's recently been getting harder being genuinely happy for her when things go well with dates and I suppose I'm a little worried how things will be a few years down the line.

But we're very close. We've been friends for 8 years and best friends for almost as long. We tell each other everything. She's the most important person in my life and I'm the most important person in hers. We get mistaken for a couple constantly, at this point I'm pretty sure everyone in our families has at some point thought we're together. My mum basically treats her like a daughter; she's spent the last 3 Christmases with my family. Besides her brother, I'm the only person she truly cares about who she doesn't get anxious about. The reason I'm going to be moving back home after uni is because she still lives in the area; if she lived somewhere else I'd move there (that's not me being one-sidedly codependent btw, she would absolutely do the same). The jokes about how we need to die at the same time bc neither of us would want to live on alone are really only partly jokes.

Now, here's (finally) where I might be an asshole: When we were in school our friend group consisted of four guys, me and her. All the guys had a crush on her, though some she only found out about later. My best friend, at the time, identified as a lesbian (it's bi probably now). The guys knew that. Now this one guy she only found out about last year at a class reunion (I wasn't there) and he was being all weird about how he'd seen all the times they went to the movies together as dates etc. She thought they were jokingly calling those 'dates', we all did. Again, he knew she identified as gay and never actually said anything about being in love with her. He was also giving off incel-y vibes when she talked with him at the class reunion, so there's that.

We talked about that and well, I kinda admitted that there'd been a moment yeaaaaars ago (like 5?6?) where I felt myself fall in love with her and mentally went 'nope, nope, nope, not doing that (falling in love my best friend) again' and then… it didn't happen. Don't know how that worked. Either way, she made me promise if I ever did actually fall in love with her, that I would tell her. We were laughing about it but I know she was serious about that.

I don't plan on telling her though. I meaaaan I'm not in love with her, technically, which yes, I know, she would probably mean this too. But I know that, at least at this point in time, she doesn't want the same things I want and I want her to have these experiences of dating guys and being in a (allo) relationship etc. I don't want our relationship right now to change either and I know she would try to be considerate and I don't need or want that. I don't want her to overthink what she can or can't tell me, I don't mind hearing her talk about the guys she's dating and I want her to still come to me with everything. I know how she works, I've been basically managing her anxiety for years (genuinely do not mind that before anyone comes talking to me about boundaries) and I know I'm one of the few people in her life who try to let her come to her own conclusions/decisions instead of telling her what they think is right and/or what she should do (she's very easily influenced unfortunately and while I do tell her my opinions if she asks for them, I always try to let her come to her own conclusions first). I don't want her to lose all that. I don't want her to suddenly be anxious about me either, that is genuinely the last thing I would ever want.

TLDR: My best friend made me promise her that I would tell her if I fell in love with her, which I'm technically not, but I do want to spend the rest of my life with her & would want to be in a (queerplatonic) committed relationship with her. I don't want to tell her bc I know it's not what she wants, at least right now, and I want her to make her own experiences and I don't want our relationship to change with this.

AITA for not telling her I would want to be in a (queerplatonic) relationship with her?

What are these acronyms?

[aroaceconfessions]

I'm in a qpr with a person who I would only hesitate to call the love of my life because we've only really known eachother for two years. She's wonderful, and makes me feel very supported and secure in my identity as aroace even though she isn't (though she has realized that she's almost certainly some flavor of aspec since we got together lol). Even as a kid, before I knew anything about aromanticism or asexuality let alone alterous and queerplatonic attraction, I knew that I wanted something like this and was resigned to the fact that I wouldn't get it. And now I have it, and I love her.

The only thing is, it makes me feel very disconnected from the broader aromantic community. We have all the trappings of a romantic relationship (the only reason we don't "count" as romantic is bc we say we don't), and I love courting her even without any romantic feelings, but many posts I see have such a different perspective (understandably! I totally get where they're coming from!) that it's hard not to feel a little alienated. I know that I'm aro, and that most of the community is accepting, I just wish I didn't feel like other people think my relationship makes me less valid.

Submitted May 5, 2023

[smolbeanie1221]

Being aroace spec can be so confusing

My first relationship was with a girl, and I kinda just went along with what she wanted to do bc I figured, well she’s enjoying it so I must be enjoying this too… I didn’t mind anything we did, I just didn’t care or think about it.

Second relationship was with a guy, and at this point my mom had made me feel incredibly guilty for having been with a girl before, joys of being afab in a religious family and the first person you date is a girl. And he was… definitely pushy. Again tho, I just went along with it bc I figured, well he wants to do this and I just have to be bi so there’s a chance I’ll be a normal girl and end up with a guy someday so I have to be enjoying this too… Yeah I definitely was feeling a lot of pressure there.

At this point, I had not felt actual sexual attraction towards anyone, and I don’t think I was ever romantically in love with either of those people.

Third relationship was with a guy who was also one of my best friends. We were kinda dating for a summer and it was a better relationship than the previous, but in the end we went back to just being friends and it was better that way.

At this point, I’m very confused, but I discover this wonderful thing called ASEXUALITY. And everything suddenly made sense. Except for one small thing.

Fourth relationship that never actually became a relationship. I was in some type of love with a different best friend, I would say demi/sapio-romantic (romantically attracted because of both an emotional and mind connection basically). But he was definitely aromantic, but allosexual. I was romantically attracted to him, but asexual… right??? For years I was confused because I wanted an actual official relationship and I would’ve been more than okay with sleeping with him. But… that can’t be sexual attraction?? I’m ace?? Right?? Ahhhhhh. Yeah so I was very confused around him. Turns out, I’m actually demi-ace, but I didn’t realize that until years later after I lost contact with him, and I’ve been too scared to reach out to him lol. Anyways I have a gf now anyways. And that’s been the only time that the demi part of my ace-ness has come out, pun intended lol.

Actual fourth relationship. Definitely romantic and completely non-sexual. Really good relationship for over a year, and that partner helped me become more comfortable with my gender identity and we both were ace and it was really good for a while. It just wasn’t a relationship that was built to grow, so eventually we drifted apart.

Fifth relationship. A non-romantic and non-sexual relationship. Lasted less than a year, but made me realize that I was also aro spec bc being in a relationship that did not have romantic or sexual expectations felt so comfortable and right.

Sixth relationship. The one that broke my heart. My other best friend in that time frame, we were incredibly close and bonded over everything, from our mental health struggles to books to sheetz runs to everything. Eventually we officially were boyfriends in a qpr. They were my number one person for so long, my life partner. There was never anything romantic or sexual, but we loved each other deeply. Until life happened and they changed and I had to break up with them and got my heart broken.

All of these took place from late middle school to early college by the way. I went from, oh I’m a girl and I like girls! To, shit I can’t like girls so I have to like boys too bc I have to be bisexual at least. To, ohhhh so I can actually not want to sleep with people and that’s normal too?? So I’m nonbinary and asexual? That makes sense. To, why why if I’m ace would I be more than okay sleeping with him??? To, huh i think I’m aro spec too. To, okay I’m definitely aro spec, probably demi-aro technically and… probably demi-ace too? Yeah that’s probably right.

At the same time, I didn’t feel as tho romantic was necessarily the right word for me. I mean I’ve experienced romantic attraction I think, but it usually felt kinda forced by either my partner’s expectations or by society’s expectations. I think that’s why my non-romantic non-sexual relationships felt so comfortable to me, bc there wasn’t any of that expectation. I have no freaking idea what romantic attraction really feels like to me. I’ve experienced it I think (??), but for several reasons including outside expectations and general-emotional-processing-issues at those times, I have a hard time knowing any emotions I was feeling at that time in my life. The “butterflies” and “spacey eyed” and “gooey lovey” feelings I felt could’ve been romantic, sure. But they could’ve also been someone who was heavily emotionally repressed all their life just being happy to have someone that they loved who loved them back and getting excited over how cute they were and enjoying their rambles and just generally being happy with someone and also liking some physical contact like hugs and cuddles bc physical touch is their love language with everyone and they like hugs with everyone they care about, and it wasn’t necessarily romantic…..

I get a similar feeling to “butterflies” when I’m nervous about something or excited to see someone in my family I haven’t seen for a while bc I love them and am excited and happy. Not necessarily a “romantic indicator”. I get “spacey eyed” all the time, and usually it’s bc I’m obsessing over my latest fanfic idea. Again, not a “romantic indicator”. I get “gooey lovey” feelings when I see an adorable animal, when someone in my family or close friend group does something really sweet for me or I’m really happy to see them or I get a hug from anyone I love. Once again, not a “romantic indicator”.

Because of all this, I have settled on alterous as my general term for the type of attraction I have with people I have or wanted to date. Alterous to me means this: “I want to be with you and talk with you and do everything with you, I just don’t care how it looks for us or how we categorize ourselves.” I would also attach romance-inclined or sex-inclined as a prefix type thing when applicable. Fourth relationship that never actually happened? Sex and romance-inclined alterous. Fourth actual relationship? Romance-inclined alterous. This doesn’t actually mean that I will feel romantic or sexual attraction or interest or desire with someone, but I may be inclined to want aspects of that type of relationship and I might have those actual feelings from time to time.

The partner that I have now, seventh relationship for those counting lol. This relationship feels stronger and better than any that I’ve had in the past. There’s no pressure or expectation about sex, and she knows that I’m on the aro spectrum, so there’s no romantic pressure either. At the same time, I love the romantic type aspects we have, but I can’t with any certainty say that my feelings are romantic, or at least not romantic all the time. But I feel about her differently than I have about anyone else. There’s several possible reasons, but one main thing I think is that I’m now in a healthier place emotionally so I can better feel and process all my emotions, including my feelings towards her.

Anyways, at this point I would say I’m aroace spec. Demi-altrose (alterous, romantic, sexual).

[passthroughtime]

have been tagged in several tag game posts, so gonna just pile them all up here

tagged here by @woundedheartwithin

picrew + the last song you listened to

2. tagged here by @sunlightfeeling

Name: yeah, no

Pronouns: she/her

Star Sign: libra

# of Siblings/Fun Facts About Them (If Any): one sister. she's 10 years younger than me. she is very considerate and devoted to her friends and always makes sure their birthdays are unforgettable. one time she printed out a photo of jimin on lots and lots of A4 paper and made a cardboard cutout of him as a present for her friend. i'm pretty sure it turned out taller than the original lol

# of Pets & Their Names: one cat, his name is peach

Fandoms: judgment. though lots and lots lie dormant, and i don't know if i give off that impression, but i am actually interested in lots of other stuff right now.

but mainly judgment, yeah

Favorite Color: red

Favorite Song: is there anyone who knows an answer to this question?

ok, here's one of my fav Raging Depressive Episode songs from nin with a special flavour of depersonalization

Favorite Author (of anything readable - books, fanfics, zines, webtoons, whatever!): this is a tough one, it's been years since i last could answer this question. i'll put here furudate haruichi, even though i've read only one work. but it did leave me with the impact which can't be overestimated. literally changed my life

Favorite Fic Type: canon compliant & canon divergence. not aus, in short. other than that, i'll read anything

Favorite Holiday: maslenitsa and easter (eastern orthodox church edition)

Do you have a partner (romantic, qpr, anything!)?: no

Hobbies: writing and playing video games mainly. fond of gif/pic/vid editing, merch collecting, solving puzzles, watching letsplays & streamers, watching serialized types of media, learning what i can do with my computer until i break it in half, and generally just Finding Out New Stuff

Fun Facts About You: i'm a straight-As student who never got a higher education. i was (and still am) pretty smart, and actually got into uni without much problem, but very soon dropped out because of my mental health. it's been 9 years since i've graduated high school, and it's still taxing to even consider furthering my education

3. @bother-blame send me:

not gonna ask what "actually listen to" opposes to, but instead take it as an opportunity to put here songs which yeah, i do listen to, regularly and unironically. i love these below dearly, in fact.

careless whisper, george michael

prelude in c-sharp minor, op.3, no.2, sergei vasilyevich rachmaninov

24-hour cinderella, ugaki hidenari

friends never say goodbye, elton john

one-winged angel, uematsu nobuo

[spiritofjustice]

omgg 6, 8, 9, 10, 25, 30, 46, 79 for that big ass AA meme :3

Ace Attorney: 100Q Ask Meme

WAA thank you Ruby!!

6. Favourite Antagonist (in the role of the antagonist! e.g Edgeworth in AA1 counts but only in AA1.)

Ohh, man. Good question. I don't think she's the best one, I just really like Ga'ran. I think she has a lot of potential as a villain and they did a pretty good job building her up throughout SOJ. I also like the personal connections she has to the main cast. It adds a lot of stakes and it is a great thing to flesh out. I especially like her dynamic with Nahyuta. It really grabs me, but I love her dynamic with her whole family, too. She's one of the worst prosecutors but she is a great villain lol.

In terms of best antagonist, I think maybe Dahlia Hawthorne. She's my favorite antagonist from the original trilogy, at least.

8. All time favorite character?

Nahyuta!!!!! Before I played SOJ it'd have been Fulbright, and before the AJ trilogy it would've been Ryunosuke. And before TGAA it would've been Edgeworth or Franziska lol. But at this point Nahyuta is my number one. I think he's such a great character. I actually don't think his writing is as bad as it seems either after replaying Magical Turnabout last night. It's definitely underbaked but man he is so fucking funny and likable. Yes, he's quieter and less of a stand out than some other prosecutors but I like how impersonal he is. It's kinda the point, innit? That nothing of his real self is left and he's got nothing but the sanitized version of himself that keeps him alive?

I could write about him forever. Obviously. The question is just if I manage to finish anything now lol.

9. Least favourite character?

Honestly? Klavier.

There's probably other characters that annoy me more but I just don't like this guy. He kinda just gets on my nerves and he didn't click with me at all during AJ-- though that entire game did not click with me, so that could also be it. He's kinda boring. His personality is really weak, his dynamic with all of the characters feel really weak too and I feel like it says a lot that most of the dynamics he has is just people being annoyed that he exists KRKFJ

Sorryyy not to be a hater I know a lot of people love him. He just ain't for me.

I also don't particularly like Larry but he's kinda easy to forget about. But any time he shows up I'm just like -deep sigh-. He's pretty funny in the first game though, so there's that.

10. Favourite trial from all the games?

KMS I FORGOT THIS ONE ORIGINALLY SORRY

Anyways that's a good question. I think it's gotta be The Resolve of Ryunosuke Naruhodo. It just goes so hard, it's so satisfying to play because you keep solving each layer of mystery and have to go deeper. I think the deus ex machina with the "and I was recording the whole time!!" thing is stupid as FUCK but the rest of the case is legit great. This also includes the previous case since it's just part 1 and 2.

Fave original trilogy case is probably Bridge to the Turnabout or Farewell, My Turnabout. fave AJ trilogy case is probably Turnabout Revolution.

25. Favourite rare pair?

Is Skye/madhi a rarepair. It's rare compared to more popular Yuta ships at least, and it's my fave AA ship overall. They're t4t and Ema makes Yuta want to be a better person and he admires her so much for everything she is and everything she is capable of. And she thinks he's hot KRKFJK

I also like them as a QPR, but them being a QPR and them dating basically is the exact same to me. Trust me I am an expert (<-- aroace). I originally headcanoned Nahyuta as being a bisexual aromantic (and same for Ema) and I'm not sure if I still do so if he is (because ultimately to me he is just queer. What he is is none of my business KRKFN), QPR, if not, bi4bi t4t couple. Well, that's them regardless, but you see how it is.

My issue with the rarepair term is I really don't know what necessarily counts as one in a fandom as big as this, so in this instance, I'm just going with "lesser popular ship" or "ship that isn't the most popular for a character." I'm used to being invested in ships where I am, quite literally, the only person who ships them, so it's hard coming to a fandom where I like ships other people like too KRKF

Otherwise, idk, Black/bright if that counts? I love them a lot. And if that doesn't count. I don't fucking know. Dhurke/Datz then KRKD

(don't want this winding up in ship tags so putting slashes lol)

30. Character you’d push off a cliff with no hesitation?

Inga. I don't think I need to explain this one KRKF

46. Character you thought you were gonna dislike but loved in the end?

NAHYUTA!!! I watched videos ranking the AA cases after I finished the original trilogy. I didn't mind the spoilers because I didn't know how to emulate DD or SOJ so I didn't know if or when I'd ever play them. I let them convince me he was a horrible boring prosecutor. I let them convince me that I was really going to hate SOJ and then I DIDN'T!!!! He's great!!!

79. How long have you been in the fandom?

It depends? I played the original trilogy early last summer after buying it for like 3 dollars on the 3DS shop before it closed. I was out of games to play and I'd had it for months so I said fuck it and played it and really liked it, but it didn't get me super invested in the fandom the way I got into it this year. I played TGAA that summer as well and that really compelled me. So I was def into the series last summer, but I only got insane about it after playing the AJ trilogy after the remaster came out.

So... in a normal sense? Last summer. In the "this is my special interest" sense? February of this year.

[timeisacephalopod]

I've kinda seen some pushback to the idea of representation in media and I don't necessarily think it's bad to point out actual rights are more important than Disney's thousandth first gay character that's fine, but I've had a LOT of people comment on my works about asexual characters and tell me what I wrote changed their life-and it's always that phrase- because they now have the language to describe what they feel. I've had people who ARENT ace or aro comment that what I wrote finally made a concept they didn't understand make sense, or that the way I explained things was interesting and enlightening and I'm kind of a mediocre writer who hasn't written anything in ages.

Like idk, if reading something from a writer who is fucking around and only somewhat talented can genuinely impact someone because they've not seen anything like them reflected back at them in life or media I don't think pushing for representation in media is as "needless" as some people seem to think and caring about that doesn't mean you don't care about more "important" (although if you think seeing people like you in media ISNT important it's because you already have that representation or are privileged enough to not care if you do, in which case maybe pipe down) stuff. Hell, I even got a Facebook message ages ago from someone who found a comment I left in an ace group about QPR's and what they meant to me and how I perceived them and the person no joke said what I wrote two years before they even found it changed their life forever because they finally knew what kind of relationship they actually wanted.

So like sure, of course there's always bigger fish to fry them diversity in media (you know, like diversity in real life lol) but I don't think it's as frivolous as some people are beginning to act like it is. At least not if you're an aspec person it's not, I STILL don't see ace characters almost ever and I'll bet my whole everything if I asked a writer of a show why they'd tell me that EVERYONE has to be in a sexual relationship and characters that aren't won't sell and are boring- I say this because in film school I had a teacher TELL ME every character needed to basically be sex obsessed and when I pointed out a GREAT MANY CHARACTERS are not revolved around sex (Supernatural stars two brothers, I pointed out) and when she asked if I had love interests I was like ??? That doesn't matter- using my aforementioned supernatural example almost all their love interests die or get mind wiped because at the end of the day that's not what the story was about. So actually I think writers who act like that teacher need like 50 reality checks, and representation in stories isn't unimportant and also support indie writers you'll probably find more funky shit there then Disney anyway lmao.

And also even the asexual characters I DO see in media don't remind me at all of myself even if I appreciate the effort, but they never feel real or genuine and their sexuality doesn't get a lot of exploration so 🤷🏻‍♀️ I actually could use more media focused on characters that I can genuinely see my sexuality reflected in in a meaningful and narratively impactful way because I've got nothing.

[eirasummers]

Super late lol but for the arospec ask thing: 6, 8, 10, 15!

Refering to this~

Answering this one super late, but thanks for the patience! 😭 Tkm An! Here we go~

6. Do you own any arospec pride merch? if so, can we see?

I don't have any 🤔 I'm not usually one to buy pride merch, really. They're cute tho, I should buy some when I am not broke anymore~

8. What are some of your favorite arospec characters? this can include characters from popular media or OCs.

Actually, the first character I thought of as aroace was Akio from "Yuki no Shita no Qualia". It was one of the first mangas that made me go "Yea, that's how I feel too" in a way.

And ones I remember thinking of it now...

Senku from Dr. Stone.

Masayoshi from Samurai Flamenco

Jiang Cheng from MDZS

Jade from Tales of the Abyss.

These are of course a mix of the vibes they give me, dialogues/character info and my own perception of them. Mostly how I related to some of the aro or aroace aspects I see in them, really. I could expand on any of them if anyone is curious, I guess xD Also, I'm most definitely forgetting some, but oh well.

10. What frustrates you the most about amatonormativity?

The fact that everybody is supposed to only be truly happy if they have a "typical romantic relationship". I know it's the most generic thing but it's also what bothers me the most. The media bombards us with countless romance when it makes no sense at all. Like, a serious dramatic story being ruined by the worst most dumb romance thrown in the middle, really badly written as well. Or when all the side characters must have a romantic pairing too even if they're not even developed just cause they can't end up alone!

Idk, just so annoying... people can be happy alone!! Or have qpr that make them happy. Typical romance relationships aren't the only option >:C

As an extra to this, I do like shipping and romance plots. But mooost often they're SO BADLY written, or such toxic/unhealthy tropes, I don't often like the main pairings or the main fandom ships alfhlask

15. What are some things you associate with arospec identities? i.e. frogs, arrows, white rings, anything the color green, etc.

Tbh, I haven't delved into the aro community as much as the ace one, so I barely know of their symbols aside from the flag aslkhfaksl So I couldn't say anything else. But I'm happy frogs and green are part of it, because I love them 😌💕

---

That's all~ This is, in the end, my own perspective on these things. I just thought a small disclaimer was needed, specially for the characters part hahah

Thanks for the ask again <3 And I guess anyone can send more, if I haven't answered those yet!

[moo9395]

hi… u said if u have any questions about being aro spec ask you, and i guess this isn’t really a question but i’ve never spoken about this with anyone and as much as i’ve read stuff and have heard aro people talking and read books about them and i’ve never doubted that there’s anything ‘broken’ about it, i do feel really broken. lol. so i could maybe do with some like. reassurance??? idk. sorry if this is too much feel free to not read this all. i do have a question actually but ill put it clearly at the end in case u dont want to read all this lol.

so i’m fairly sure im arospec and have been suspicious for probably a couple of years now. but i’ve never really spoken about it because i guess im only just realising, like, oh shit what if i’m not going to ever have a romantic relationship, but its not because nobody likes me, its because i dont like (nearly) anybody. and even the person i do like i’m not even sure i’d want to be in a relationship with??? it’s really scary.

what i’ve also realised is that even if i don’t want a romantic relationship, i really really want a qpr. like i love the idea of it, it literally sounds perfect to me. but that really scares me because i feel like nobody will ever want that. what if i never get that? i don’t think i’m a person that would be okay with being on my own forever. i feel like a little kid who doesn’t want their friends to grow up and get in relationships and for us all to just live together.

on a related note, man it really sucks when you feel like the way you love your friends is so much like. deeper. than how they love you. like i feel like for me, they’re it. like i dont think i could ever love someone in a deeper way than i do my friends, like i love them in the way that people talk about loving their spouses and stuff. but for them, no matter how much they love me, for them its JUST ‘as a friend’… whereas for me, that’s like the highest form of love. idk if this makes sense sorry. but yeah i just don’t know how to navigate this really.

///question: do you have any advice for how to navigate coming to terms with myself being arospec/maybe even being entirely aro. because i don’t know how to deal with it really.

First of all I’m not an expert. I’ve known I was aroace spec for almost 3 years. But I have definitely not entirely figured myself out. I really appreciate this actually because it’s given me a chance to really look into aromanticism in depth so thank you :)))

Sorry this took so long I spent ages trying to work out what I was going to say and how to say it.

Not entirely happy with it but I think it’s the best I can do

I'm glad you were able to kind of vent here because I think that's important.

Finding someone to talk to might help you understand and come to terms with stuff but if you don't have anyone you could talk to or you wouldn't feel comfortable it might be good to keep a diary?

Like not a diary of an account of each day (unless you want to) but just something you randomly do to just vent.

It's something I do sometimes and I really enjoy it.

Coming to terms with being aromantic is a big deal.

I honestly am in the same position about having a person that I’m not sure whether or not it’s romantic attraction.

Unfortunately I literally have no advice for that.

I don’t even know what I’m going to do about it.

You could try explaining to them, especially if you think they like you back and then you can try it and if it doesn’t work you could pursue a QPR if they’re comfortable.

I really don’t know what to say to be honest.

For anyone reading this who has advice please reblog or comment something.

I have no personal experience with a QPR. So all of the stuff I’m about to say is from research.

A ‘quick’ explanation (feel free to skip):

A queer platonic relationship (QPR) is usually a non sexual, non romantic, relationship that is sometimes viewed as a ‘step above friendship’. In its simplest form it’s a close emotional bond between people.

A QPR has no real definition though. It’s something that’s decided by the people involved.

Because of this a QPR looks slightly different for everyone depending on the needs/ wants of the people involved. It can involve ‘date nights’, and sexual or sensual contact/intimacy.

A queer platonic partner can be any gender and doesn’t have to be aroace themselves. They can also be in their own non romantic relationships in some cases.

People in a QPR do sometimes have sex, either if both are not asexual or sometimes for the emotional intimacy benefit.

As I said I have no first hand experience with a QPR but it is something I would probably consider in the future.

I can't really give advice on how to form/ find a QPR, but if you find yourself wanting one with a specific person tell them. Either they'll accept or they won't but if you don't ask you won't know.

You could also try going to local LGBTQIA+ groups (if those are available) and maybe you'll meet someone or you'll get advice there.

Again, I have no experience with QPRs personally so I'd recommend doing some research :)

Friendships are such a big deal for aroace people and I think it’s said that it’s not something that’s understood by others.

The community is criminally underrepresented and poorly understood.

Question - For advice on coming to terms with it.

I honestly really struggle with my own aromanticism so it feels like I’m not equipped to be telling people but I’ll do my best.

First of all you need to remember that romance isn’t the be all and end all of life.

My parents don’t know that I’m arospec but they’ve always assured me and my siblings that romance isn’t everything in life and that if we never find anyone that doesn’t make us any less of a person or any less important.

You should make sure you surround yourself with people who love you.

It’s quite a common thing to hear people say “There’s someone out there for everyone”, “plenty more fish in the sea”, the whole soulmates thing etc and although a lot of those people are referring to that in terms of romance I think it’s true in other forms of love as well.

Even if you feel like there’s nobody there will always be someone who loves you and cares about you.

You have a purpose in life and that purpose is not bound to relationships.

I don’t know who you are but I value you and I care about you and I know that there are other people who feel the same.

You're also not alone in your experience. Find some aromantic friends, either online or in real life.

You could join a group/club or there's a lot of discord servers available.

Religious stuff ⬇️ (incase you don’t want to see it)

I really debated including this because I don’t think it’s relateable for a large portion of the people who will see it but it is something that’s very true for me so I think it’s important to include.

I am a religious (Christian) personally, it’s something I was raised in but also something I’ve come to know and value for myself.

Because of my faith I believe I was made by God in his likeness and so I know that I’ve been designed with a purpose.

And that includes my aromanticism. Despite how much I sometimes wish otherwise.

God made me with a purpose and I intend to live out that purpose.

Although I doubt it’ll be a comfort for many of the people who find this. It is a comfort for me and hopefully at least one person who finds this will find some comfort in it.

[awkwardgtace]

Ooooo idea:

The rumors of the dreams that connect borrowers to their loved one is still true but they mistranslated it into thinking it’s only romantic love - it could be familial and friendial (?) love! So Ian and Mik could have one since they secretly are yearning for a brotherly connection so magic poofs them a landline to each other

ok i got distracted again by other things lol. Time to respond!! Honestly this sounds like a really good idea. I have some ideas for again maybe why they're different. Since I did plan for it to include QPR and other relationships (Caprice in Melody and Kyrie's dreaming of soul mates story doesn't have one cause currently I don't have anything for him planned like that. Of course if I change then he'll change too.)

Imma do a little dump of my current lore considerations so I'll actually put it under a readmore this time :D

So this actually started something for me that I'd already considered.

I was thinking sort of about kids in this au and how since it's not always common for borrowers to be able to meet how they survive. Plus the pain and phantom feelings left behind from the dreams.

My thoughts on this became well... they can have kids. The dream is a special space that's almost physical. Just enough that it's harder, but two people capable of it can wind up having one get pregnant. It's just rare enough borrowers don't talk about it. Usually there's such a push to 'keep borrowers alive' perfect partners than can have kids will seek each other out.

So going with this let's just sayyyy Mikhail's father was a borrower, his mother a human. Father is aware the mother is human, doesn't care. Has been planning to go find her. She isn't completely sure these dreams are real, but she loves the man she met in them...

Then she's pregnant. Father finally says where he is, things are rough when she realizes the dreams are real and he fits in her hand. Terrified about their own child. Considers all the options together they decide to make this work.

Mikhail is born human size. His mother's sister is the only one aware, only other human that has met Mikhail's father. During the first night Mikhail is home after being born. He shrinks down to the size of a borrower baby. They realize the risks involved.

Same kind of background to his usual size shifter universe. Something goes wrong his parents die in a fire, as best he can remember he thinks his size shifting is how they died. (fun fact in both it isn't his fault at all. They nearly survived because of him, but his energy ran out and they protected his borrower sized body at the end cause their son)

So all of this to say, what happens to a half borrower that should have these dreams? Well... they don't function entirely the same. Now it connects to more bonds than it's supposed to. Not unheard of. Those borrowers Kaya learned about in the first story that used stairs to avoid climbing had dreams like that. The side effect of being half human; a sturdier body and heavier build. More effort to climb that copying human stairs made more sense.

All of this now comes to where Mikhail should have the dreams. Of course his aunt knows about them, but Mikhail hasn't shown interest in anyone his whole life so she doesn't think to bring it up. Suddenly he's having conversations in his dreams with someone who has some similar experiences. The longer they talk the more he feels a bond... feels this new person is almost like a brother.

All until a borrower that he'd known was in his house gets stuck and there he finds the brother he dreamed up. The one he thought was a pure figment of his imagination. Only there's Ian scared and begging for his life from the evil 'human'.

ok I went off but you gave me ideas and lemme talk about something I was already playing with. Even sorta hinted at with the borrowers that aren't built as light as Mira and Kaya :D

[aroaceconfessions]

Not to blame anyone!! But I feel like there is such an emphasis in the Aroace community to find a QPP and many people feel so scared at the idea of being alone that I think i forced myself into a relationship like that? And it especially sucks because like. I actually want to be and enjoy being alone because that means I don’t have to spend anymore precious time and energy on pleasing people i cant read.

And my family keeps like. Bullying me about it too? Like they don’t recognize it as a legitimate relationship and since me and my partner have actually “dated” before (back in elementary and middle school lol) they think I should move on and find someone else but. I dunno it just. Doesn’t make sense to me? To start such an intricate and intimate relationship with a stranger, essentially? I know the allos do it but I’ve always been confused by that notion that its okay to just. Date random people.

Anywho not to ramble but. I just feel lost. I feel like I should be happy about this but im not because I guess deep down all I want is just. Silence? We already were sorta drifting apart before I came out with this idea so now only he (and this game we both like) are keeping it together, even though the qpr is only a few weeks old :( I guess I just feel like a failure??? I dunno. Its all confusing. Advice or anything like that would be appreciated

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

hi i hope this is okay to send, it’s pretty venty so sorry about that

i had a dream that left me kinda lonely and questioning things. it was a weird dream tbh but i was married in it and that’s the detail that’s relevant here lol. i’m aroace and never had a crush on anyone but sometimes i crave romance so bad. but i can’t tell if i really want it or if i just think i do because it’s what i’m ‘supposed’ to want. sometimes i’ll read a romance book or play a dating sim and wish i could have that. maybe i’m confused because i don’t have friends (not exaggeration, i live with my parents and only talk to them and my brother) and my feelings are getting all mixed up. i don’t understand my own feelings, how am i supposed to tell what i actually want

Yeah, it can be hard to tell, sometimes. I wouldn't concern myself too much with the dream itself, dreams can be more confusing than helpful when trying to figure things out. But it does sound like you are lonely, and dealing with that loneliness would probably be a good first step. Making friends can be legitimately hard for some people, but it is a skill you can improve at like anything else. So remember that if you're having trouble now, it doesn't mean you always will.

Two resources that may help are online guides or talking to a therapist (or both). Helping people with loneliness and getting better at meeting people and connecting to people is absolutely something therapists do as well. The other thing that helps a lot is just putting yourself in situations where you'll be around people and interacting with them. Maybe it's time to try out a new hobby that gets you around people like taking an acting class or learning a new language. Maybe there's a hobby you already like like a knitting group or checking out if your local library has a book club (if these interest you) or an ace/aro or LGBTQ chapter in your area you want to check out. Online friends count too, so maybe join a discord based around an interest. And don't be afraid to talk to people, or if you're talking to someone a lot and like them, asking them if they want to grab a coffee sometime or something similar.

Once you're in a place where you aren't so lonely, it may be easier to gauge if you're happy with this or you want another type of relationship. It's OK to try out different types of relationships and see how you like them. So that could include QPRs or romances. Sometimes we find we like the idea in theory more than the practice, but sometimes we do find relationships we find fulfilling and are happy to be in them.

But yeah, just take it one step at a time, Anon. And keep trying to move forward, even if you have a setback.

All the best and good luck!