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#or even be vulnerable in front of
stuckinapril · 5 months
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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I started a new remote job last week, and I'm the only genderqueer person at the company (and the first person who uses neo pronouns that anyone on my team has ever met, apparently).
So far:
Manager carefully wrote down spelling and pronunciation of my pronouns and told everyone on the team to respect them.
Coworker apologized privately for misgendering me (I hadn't told her yet) and said she will practice.
Guy on another team valiantly tried to use my pronouns and ended up saying something like zirzs-zhizz (I DM'd him and thanked him for trying and linked him to a practice site).
Teammate told me he has written out my pronouns and how to use them in a sentence and literally taped it to his monitor so he can practice.
Teammate also referred to me as compañere after I linked to a comic about gender-neutral endings in Spanish (whole team except me + 1 other person speaks Spanish as first language and they held all meetings in Spanish before the two of us started).
I am so stoked that people are actually trying. 💜🤍💚
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thetarttfuldickhead · 10 months
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So are you two friends now?
That's wonderful.
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help im getting emotional over satoru gojo again
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asmo-cosmetics · 13 days
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when i say i ship asrian what i need you to understand is that i mean i want asra to apologize and beg for julian back. possibly in messy tears
#you can't convince me he wasn't the shittiest most manipulative awful boyfriend ever. no one understands me#as always debate and arguments are not welcome on my posts and you will be blocked#but like. listen ok. my headcanon is basically that they were fwb (for a rlly long time)#and julian fell in love with him because of course he did#and asra knew even before he ever admitted it because julian is obvious af#but asra was essentially just using julian and specifically dominating julian as an outlet to feel powerful#so the whole dynamic was basically humiliating for julian because they both knew that he loved asra and they both knew that asra#was using him for sex#but then asra actually did slowly start to fall in love with julian#which julian would obviously never notice because he hates himself#so it was pretty easy to hide. so asra hid it because he hated the thought of being vulnerable in front of julian#and then eventually let julian leave him with his whole dramatic shit of 'asra you deserve better'#and he couldn't say anything because he knew it was his fault#because that was what asra had made him believe#and then finds a way to twist it in his head to basically what he told mc in julian's route#that julian was 'deciding what's best for him'#instead of admitting that he was in love but he couldn't admit it because he thought he was above someone like julian#asrian#the arcana#wank //#<- i don't really see it as wank but i also really do not want asra stans bitching on my posts 🙏
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torturedpoetemotions · 2 months
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Actually the implications of John also being bisexual are so fucking tasty to me because like. OG John has no support system and no protection against the world except his own perceived strength so he learns to ferret out anything that can possibly be seen as weakness to those around him and that includes any affection or attraction he might feel towards men because nothing screams "stay in your fucking closet" like spending all your time around a fringe subculture of serial killing doomsday preppers in the Midwest during the Reagan era.
By the time he notices Dean starting to look a little too long at boys his age, he's probably convinced himself that whatever he felt (still feels but ignores) was a temporary youthful indiscretion, and of course Dean can't afford those, doesn't get to have those, he's got to be a soldier. He's got to be a better soldier than John, even.
I dunno I've just had enough conversations with family members who are loudly but somehow also mildly homophobic and yet say or do things that make me *eyeballs emoji* not to think this is not only possible but arguably likely.
#supernatural#the winchesters#spn#spnwin#john winchester#shifting my headcanon of john to the type of person who doesn't think of himself as homophobic if he ever things about it at all#and would even probably try to stop a hate crime if he saw one happening right in front of him#(or likes to think he would)#but also views his own queer desire--and thus that of others--with suspicion and contempt#like something frivolous that he simply doesn't have the luxury to pursue as a Real Man in the Real World with Real Responsibilities#and when you live like that especially due to your own choices anything that seems like a luxury you view with a certain level of contempt#so he's like 'heh must be nice to have time for boyfriends' in the most condescending and degrading way imaginable#in the same way he probably treated sam's affinity for academia#in fact i'd argue a lot of what we see from dean with regards to the way he mocks sam for certain things is probably just echoes of john#and what's REALLY crazy-making is the way most of these things dean mocks sam for early on later prove to be things DEAN actually does enjo#dean likes to read and he loves chick flicks and he gets excited about tomatoes and enjoys dressing up nice#dean learned early on that certain things were not acceptable for a Real Man from john bullying him out of doing them#and he does the same to sam#and one of the things he consistently mocks sam for in the beginning is his perceived sexuality#and sure we could just chalk that up to stereotyping but EVEN THEN that jives with the idea that#john simply put his own queer desire in a box labeled 'weaknesses real men don't have' along with idk a love of reading and salads and bein#emotionally vulnerable and sincere with people you love#and then he told Dean 'this is the box of forbidden things'#and dean the ever-dutiful son learned his lesson well
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salty-an-disco · 4 months
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Some Oppy doodles + a North Star sketch I did when we first started going insane about this ship on discord lmao
Oppy also has eyes, but differently from Contrarian, whose eyes appear for extra comedic effect on their expression or if they’re feeling particularly emotional, Oppy’s eyes will only appear when he completely drops any and all facade. None of the others know ey have eyes.
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gifti3 · 6 months
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Thinking about og obey me and how asmo would say something that would have me quickly filing him in the 'avoid' category
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otaku553 · 1 year
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Oc aged up? Redesign? Doodle
#goal was to make him 2x as unlikeable than before lmao#I think story bits are putting themselves together#older cot is now in a position of leadership#Vv left the team or retired for reasons after a big fight#during which xieran lost an eye and all of them got traumatized#cot grapples with the feeling of betrayal from Vv leaving them but also understanding of their reasons and cot’s own desire to retire#cot doesn’t like playing by the rule book anymore and actively goes out of their way to make things difficult for everyone besides xieran#ie getting paperwork done on time and then hiding it so the people who need it can’t find it or have to go to extreme lengths to find it#stops caring altogether for the organization which they work for#maybe even has several contingencies or leverage to bring the organization down to its knees#and instead of using it just dangles it over their head for the amusement of their grappling and vulnerability#their own petty revenge for what he perceives as the organization forcing his closest friend to break under pressure and leave#he also knows fully well that bringing down the organization would be forcing the several hundreds under their employment into poverty#which he doesn’t do mostly because xieran still exists as a voice of reason for them#probably feels some amount of guilt for being the only unharmed out of the battle that injured xieran and pushed Vv to retirement#after all their role is never at the front line. at the best they are a distance attacker#because they insist on bringing a gun to a sword fight
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adding to my previous post junpei is so so confused he just wanna be friends w the guys who beat up his bullies so bad but turns out every crazy person he meets claim megumi as their boy
Junpei, not normal, trying to be normal for once: fushiguro's kind of cool. do you think he'd be okay with me hanging out with your group when i transfer?
nobara: *snorts loudly*
Junpei: is that a no
Nobara: fushiguro will be fine. you just have to get through the security detail first
junpei: sorry?
Nobara: fushiguro is apparently okkotsu yuuta's boy--
Yuuji, shouting, from the other room: WE HAVE NOT CONCLUSIVELY PROVEN THAT YET
Nobara: get over it itadori
junpei: ... what? sorry, who's okkotsu?
Nobara: we're not really sure yet, we haven't met him
Yuuji, at the exact same time, has been frothing at the mouth since he learned yuuta existed: some impossibly perfect and beautiful bastard who gets everything in life and does not get to take fushiguro from us too
Junpei: what
Nobara, thinks this shit is hilarious: technically fushiguro has been okkotsu's boy since before you even knew him. he'd have first dibs.
Yuuji: kugisaki you cannot just give up on this without a fight. fushiguro is our boy
Nobara, lying: you know i hear fushiguro and okkotsu are on first name basis. so techincally megumi is his boy
Yuuji: kugisaki say psych right now. kugisaki.
Junpei, so confused: sorry, i'm lost. who exactly is okkotsu?
Yuuji, angry, stomping away: he's the perfect man!
Junpei:
Nobara: he's our senpai currently studying abroad in africa. apparently he's kind of a big shot. and if the other second years are telling the truth, then he and fushiguro apparently have a very special relationship
Yuuji: THEY COULD BE LYING
Nobara: some weird shirtless asshole from another school tried messing with fushiguro and the second years told him to find a border and get over it because fushiguro was okkotsu's boy and he would snap him in half if he ever found out about this. and that he would absolutely find out about this because apparently inumaki senpai's a bit of a simp for him. so. honestly could be kind of fun to watch that fight.
Junpei:
Nobara: also apparently fushiguro doesn't know that everyone calls him okkotsu's boy so don't tell him.
Yuuji: NO ONES TELLING HIM BECAUSE THAT PERFECT SON OF A BITCH DOESN'T GET OUR BOY TOO KUGISAKI
Nobara: we are very obviously going to tell him. but consider. we can only tell him ONCE.
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i also think the take that leo’s post-movie character shift long term is to distance himself and ~hold himself separate~ from his brothers and treat them a little differently and train all the time etc simply Doesn’t Track btw
doing it as a major initial overcorrection bc of guilt and having to be like intervened with, i can see happening, and overall getting better at buckling down/communicating w his team for sure yeah
but like the idea that that is a change he makes to himself forever going forward (especially if it means his brothers/april not clocking it and calling him out on that nonsense, especially especially if it involves splinter noticing it and ENCOURAGING HIM to keep holding himself apart like that’s so not rise splinter at all) just does not feel right
for me it undermines the core statements that the series and movie are going for: you are not alone, we do it together, he hasn’t seen what we can do when we work together, this isn’t about you (i think this one in particular bc what is withdrawing from your loved ones and holding yourself in a different category bc Must Be Leaderly if not making things about yourself just in a different way to how you were doing it before?)
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tswwwit · 1 year
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What would happen if instead of being hostile Other!Bill would try and see what made OG!Bill so happy with this living situation
So he tries and romance dipper, hugs him sometimes (although it grosses him out, but he realized it's nice once is a while), and just stuff he'd think OG!Bill would do.
In the end OG!Bill comes back to see Other!Bill curled up cozily under a blanket in PT's lap while PT is reading a book and PT is even petting his head softly, thinking what the fuck?? That's supposed to be me
If Bill saw Other Bill doing that with Dipper - settled comfortably in his lap, relaxed and being petted, cuddled and pampered -
He would experience white-hot, visceral jealousy. Like a shard of neutron star went right through his chest.
Killing another version of yourself, for a Bill Cipher, is very gauche. It's the reason he didn't do it to Other Bill in the first place, even though he was a total douche!
But for this, Bill will make an exception.
#answers#Bill would be surprised at his own reaction. Afterwards#In the moment he'd be too stunned. Like he'd been shot. Bullets don't matter to him but THIS matters to him a LOT#Then pure and absolute rage#It's one thing for someone to want to fuck Dipper. That just shows they have good taste!#There's thousands of beings who would *try* even if they're dumb as shit for thinking about trying#It's another thing to get *Intimate*#Even Dipper's family doesn't get this kind of treatment. That lover-level of gentle attention. Of quiet reverence#A thing Bill has never had from another lover and definitely something *Dipper* doesn't do with anyone else#The only thing Bill could make a metaphor of relating it to is a robber might steal your wallet and probably stab you. That sucks#But a *bastard* will *also* take your wedding ring and flaunt it in front of you as he forcefully kisses your husband#Bill's assumption - and he's right - is that Other Bill couldn't draw that out of Dipper without tricking him#If Dipper knew this was A Different Bill he'd be too creeped out to get into cuddles#Part of Bill - though he hasn't recognized it - really really REALLY likes that the moments of tenderness they share are ALL HIS#Does this BASTARD even KNOW what he had to go through to get even A TENTH of this and NOW HE'S HOGGING IT ALL TO HIMSELF#((Does he know that Bill had to make himself *vulnerable* in a way to get this. Does he know what he had to *say*#To even get the *beginnings* of this - he DOESN'T the ASSHOLE; there's no WAY He appreciates it other than on the PHYSICAL level))#And then he kills him
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kyouka-supremacy · 1 year
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I have a theory Akutagawa doesn't have any illness and just made up his lungs disease in the heat of the moment
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absurdumsid · 5 months
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killer & ink call that ship name kink
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godofsmallthings · 2 months
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the thing is that she will never talk about it because how could she without sounding ungrateful but i so badly want to pick taylor's brain about how this new level of fame/numerical success feels. like in her most recent profile she spoke about finally feeling mentally equipped to handle fame but it's certainly not like...easy. and i think her drawing boundaries with fans started subtly a couple years ago, but i wonder if this insane wave she's riding has led her to fall into that more quickly. like it's funny because she's literally everywhere all the time but we know less about her day-to-day personal life than we ever have (i guess except for early 2017 when she had "disappeared").
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disabled-dean · 10 months
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We definitely do NOT talk enough about the homoerotic side quest Donatello sends Dean and Cas on when he's been brainwashed by Asmodeus. The dialogue between these two ancient warriors is crazy, like-
"I will kill the pretty one"
"They're both equally pretty"
And later (when he has Cas pinned down with a knife to his chest)
"I hate to do this, you are very beautiful "
What the fuck was that???
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