#our love and which grows whenever it is shared. Since relationships are full of mysteries and one never know that even a bunch of flower ca

[toadstoolgardens]

25 Tips for Permaculture Living

Permaculture is a design system and approach that challenges us to engage in whole systems thinking to create a better world and a worthwhile, kick-ass life. These are just ideas, shape your permaculture plans to fit your life & community.

The 3 Ethics of Permaculture: Earth Care, People Care, Fair Share.

1. Grow food. Even just a little. A sprawling garden, a raised bed, and a little pot of basil in a windowsill are all accomplishments. Growing that food creates a relationship with the soil, the weather, and the ecosystem. It slows us down, increases our resilience, and helps us eat where we are.

2. Chop & gather wood. If you are able where you live, take responsibility for your fuel needs. I live in a rural area so this is feasible for me, but these skills can also be utilized on camping trips/when using fire pits/etc. Learn to gather wood regeneratively and how to cure, stack, and chop it. Use as little as possible in a well-kept woodstove and return the charcoal to the Earth as biochar.

3. Minimize. Pare down your closet, your kitchen appliances, your shopping trips, the number of devices you own, anything you recognize you have/do in surplus. Being happy with less is powerful, it increases gratitude and lessens want.

4. Catch and store water. If it's legal where you live to do so, catch rainwater. This can be done in many ways, for many reasons. To pump the water as the pressurized water in your home or to water your gardens and landscape. Recycled plastic rain barrels are a simple and inexpensive way to collect and store free rainwater.

5. Eat together. Slow down and eat with the ones you love, just eating, talking, and being. Give each other and the nourishment on your plate your undivided attention.

6. Buy secondhand. Commit to buying as much as you can secondhand. This slows down impulse purchasing and hugely lessens the impact of your purchase. You'll also likely end up with a higher quality item and a great deal! Since secondhand items already exist, no production is needed, no new footprint is created, better for everyone. There are online secondhand shops too if you're looking for something specific you can't find locally.

7. Stop shopping at big supermarkets. Avoid them as much as possible! They're full of plastic packaging, processed foods, and the illusion of choice. Almost every product on supermarket shelves is owned by one of 10 companies, and they certainly aren't environmentally friendly ones. For food, make basics from scratch and source whole foods from locally owned farms, markets, co-ops, and shops. Online resources like Vitacost and the Package Free Shop are great for healthier options you might not find locally.

8. Reuse all nutrients. Compost all you can. Kitchen scraps, garden scraps, yard clippings, tree prunings, charcoal & ash from the fire, and urine and manure can all be returned to the Earth and transformed.

9. Pack your lunch. We all love takeout, but packing your own meal to take with you saves money, eliminates waste, and can be eaten anywhere! Eat your lunch in the park, the woods, up a tree, get to know your local nature spaces while you eat.

10. Make your own bread. Bread is one of our most beloved basic foods. Baking it yourself will nourish you better, save money, eliminate packaging, learn a new skill, and use whole ingredients instead of mystery ingredients and preservatives in many store-bought breads.

11. Swap your gym workout for gardening. Keeping healthy and fit is so important and if you're able, working in the garden is amazing exercise. Turn a compost pile, dig a garden bed, pull weeds, prune trees, pot seedlings, chop wood, or go walking in nature and enjoy the wild garden she provides. All deeply useful tasks, a great workout, and fresh air too! Forest bathing, being and basking in nature, is extremely healthy for our bodies and minds.

12. Minimize meat. Purchase meats from local farmers & butchers and don't support factory farming whenever possible. Appreciate and respect the animal nourishing you, use every bit of the meat you purchase.

13. Take the train. If you have to take a long trip, consider the train over flying. One trip on a plane generates about 300kg of CO2, taking the rain generates 10x less. It's slower, sure, but you can relax, read, nap, enjoy the scenery, and reduce emissions.

14. Support community. In every way: shop local, eat local, support your local food bank when you have surplus, volunteer in the community, help out at the community garden, teach your neighbors a skill. Show up for your community's pollinators by caring for local lands, planting native species, and encouraging others to do so. If you're already a gardener, start a crop swap if there isn't one. Give where you can, help where you can, engage where you live.

15. Keep bees. Bees are beautiful to watch, they provide our gardens and local landscape with pollination, and provide you with honey and wax. The millions of flowers and incredible effort involved in each jar of honey garners a great appreciation for sweetness and the work of bees.

16. Sleep well. It really does make a huge difference in our moods, health, and energy we're capable of putting into the day.

17. Live small. Living in a small house means less heating, cleaning, furniture, energy costs, and housing costs. A small home also makes for an intimate space to spend time together.

18. Work for yourself when you can. Growing food and being involved in the non-monetary economy of growing, swapping, sharing, foraging, reusing is so good for our health and everyday happiness.

19. Forage wild food. If you live somewhere with natural spaces that aren't sprayed with chemicals, there's probably free food all around you. Foraging is a great way to fill your belly with seasonal freshness, for FREE! Each season offers it's own special goodies, so you also learn to live with the seasons and connect to your local nature in a new way. Be sure to positively identify all species before you consume anything!

20. Take care of your ecosystem. You are a steward of the land and every little bit helps. Pick up trash and plastic when you're out. If you own property, manage your land. Volunteer for clean ups, water testing, gardening projects. Manage invasive species if you find them and are able. Plant native species and species for pollinators. Anything, truly anything helps.

21. Build forts & tree houses. If you have space, a collaborative building project using recycled/gathered materials teaches us lots of skills and helps us appreciate everything it takes just to keep a basic roof over our heads. Plus you'll also have a nice hideaway in nature to enjoy.

22. Grow beans. Love you, beans! They improve the soil, can be grown as climbers even if you have limited space, and can be eaten fresh, frozen, or dried (which store for years, increasing resilience). Beans are self pollinating which makes saving seeds easy and they're one of the most climate-adaptable plant proteins you can grow.

23. Pass it on. Share abundance! Produce, clothing, knowledge, skills, eggs, yarn, anything. Pass it on, pay it forward, share your excess, it's a gift to both your community and yourself.

24. Share skills. A skilled community is able to look after themselves and each other. Are you a great cook? Host a cooking party and teach your friends to make their own yogurt. Love starting seeds? Hold a seed starting workshop outside your local library. It doesn't have to be complex or fancy, just have heart. Which you already have, so you're perfect. Skill shares build confidence, knowledge, and community.

25. Rise up. Silence = violence. Permaculture is about doing as little harm as possible and using our time on Earth to do the best we can, with our hands and our voices. Speak up, show up, rise up. Work for the world you want, not just the garden you want.

Keep Learning: Source

[princesssarcastia]

2021 Harry Potter Fanfic Primer

im here to point fingers at the incredible authors that have enabled my new interest in HP content.  im still conflicted and upset about it, tbh, but for now we’re leaning into the curve.  we’re getting out our shovel and finding out just how deep we can make the hole we’re in.  hand in unlovable hand my beloved <3.  anyway, these fics are wonderful, their authors are wonderful, and you should go read their stuff. if there’s a star next to it that means im losing my mind over it and always will be.

Creatively Maladjusted, by elumish on AO3, 101k  (they also have a wonderful writing advice blog on tumblr, @elumish, which I recommend following if you are a writer) 

A very excellent re-telling of harry’s first year at hogwarts if he were sorted into Slytherin, plus some more not!fic or piecemeal re-tellings of his second and part of his third year.  Harry, in this, has a slightly different trauma response to growing up with the Dursley’s.  He’s a bit quieter, and the signs are a bit more obvious to the people around him, and I enjoyed that immensely. 

Honestly, if you’re going to get sucked into something you have absolutely no business getting sucked into, elumish is the way to go, their fic is incredible. their teen wolf fic is also immaculate, if you’re so inclined. 

Dissonance, by ImpishTubist on AO3, 2.5k (@impishtubist on tumblr)

Set during fifth year.  Oblivious!Harry has always been a delightful trope when well executed, and this is well executed.  Plus, some angst between Remus and Harry over what Umbridge has been doing to him.

I would certainly recommend a lot of ImpishTubist’s other hp work on AO3, like Lacuna.

blow us all away, by rexcorvidae on AO3, 23k (@rexcorvidae on tumblr)

In progress (like, updated last week in progress).  Currently in the beginning of Harry’s first year.  Fem!Harry, Indian!Harry.  Hagrid puts Harry in touch with Remus when she has questions about her parents, and they become reluctant, traumatized, angst-ridden pen pals who keep missing each other’s true intentions like ships in the night.  hot DAMN do I love this fic.  there’s hints of the way the dursley’s treat Harry peaking through in her letters, and I appreciated the attention to “hmm, her experience as a girl of indian descent in britain under the thumb of a bunch of white people who like being Normal may not have been gucci”

Definitely comb through the rest of their HP fic, too, I may or may not have gone feral over it.

Where the Heart is, by silver_fish on AO3, 15k (@kohakhearts on tumblr)

Woof.  This one said, “hey, harry was probably SUPER depressed in the summer after fifth year.  like, clinically.  maybe someone should do something about that.”  Fuck yeah.  Then this one said, “that someone was Snape.”  You all know my opinions on Snape; generally, Bad.  But damn if this fic didn’t wholly convince me by the end of it.  I thought it was a very realistic way for Snape to start seeing Harry as a person all on his own, and not a proxy for Snape’s angst over James and Lily, respectively.  The angst is wonderful, the ending is even more so.

*bernie sanders voice* I am once again asking you to read through the rest of the author’s HP fic.  a lot of them have similar themes; there’s actually a great one with Molly that i’m not reccing here, Wonder.

☆Bindings, Bindings, by Quietlemonhush on AO3, 60k (@quietlemonhush on tumblr)

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU HOW MUCH I ENJOYED/AM ENJOYING THIS.  If I had to pick a single fic and say “you, it’s your fault I’m stuck here,” it would be this one.  Anyway Lily in the afterlife is So Very Angry about how Petunia is treating Harry, and how Sirius is rotting in Azkaban, and how Remus is alone, that she literally brings herself back to life and drags James and Regulus with her.  All three of them are there to chew bubblegum and fix everything that went wrong after they died—and would you look at that, they’re all out of bubblegum!  There’s only Fury left.  That inciting premise is very crack, but every moment after that is very much not crack.  Lily and James love harry more than anything, the way a child should be loved; James and Sirius have the epic friendship of a lifetime; Sirius and Remus have staggering amounts of resolved sexual tension and take turns keeping each other in check; Regulus, though he realized that Voldemort and his family were shit before he died, is still unlearning all his racist bullshit and, also, years of trauma.  Actually, they’re all traumatized, but hey: now they have one another again and not a damn one of them seems inclined to let go anytime soon.  Quietlemonhush went, “hey, HP has a lot of Awful people in it, and a lot of Righteous people in it, and many of them are Very, Very Powerful; also, love is the most powerful force in the universe” and i said “hell yes tell me more right now.”  And then they did!

Quietlemonhush writes Sirius/Remus in a way that makes it sooo much fun to devour, so the rest of their HP fic is most certainly worth a look, if that’s your thing.

Rebuilding, by Colubrina on AO3, 113k (@colubrina on tumblr)

Hermione/Draco (*shrug emojis into the abyss* yeah, yeah, like none of us have ever been there before).  Takes place during Hogwarts 8th year, and while the beginning is, IMO, a little unfair to Ron, it gets much better.  Tells the story of Hermione and Draco clearing the air, learning to like each other, having some hormones over each other, and then falling in love.  Also tells the story of Hermione and Theo Nott becoming friends; the story of how every single 7th and 8th year student is fucked to hell by the war and the Carrows; the story of how they start an emotional support group about it and all become friends; and the story of, what the hell do you do with yourself after that kind of trauma?

I’ve been dipping in and out of Colubrina’s HP since before I was even on tumblr; I actually found them in those dark yesteryears when the only fandom interactions I had were on fanfiction.net.  Of such fame as Green Girl, which is an HP fic staple, and has also written a lot of wackier, crackier, and darker things than that.  If you don’t take yourself too seriously, I highly recommend many of their big HP works, though I imagine it’ll press some people’s buttons.  Colubrina’s work really does take up a corner of my mind whenever I’m in an HP mood, and will take up yours if you let it.

☆ all waiting is long, by shuofthewind on AO3, 149k ( @shu-of-the-wind on tumblr)

This is so well written that I can’t stop thinking about it.  It is occupying my mind when I lie awake at night, you know?  It’s one of those.  Hermione messes with something she probably shouldn’t have in Grimmauld Place, so when Sirius is sent through the Veil in the Department of Mysteries, she gets thrust into an alternate universe...in 1975.  Instead of handwaving it away, shuofthewind actually gets into the mechanics of it in a way that makes sense, to emphasize that hermione is never going home.  ever. The world she finds herself is shifted slightly to the left, quite a bit darker, but in a “the author is treating the idea of a society-wide conflict over blood purity much more seriously than JKR ever did” way, not a sensationalist way.  Now, Hermione has to grapple with all her grief at losing everyone she’s ever loved or known, the moral/ethical/magical implications of sharing what she knows about her future in an alternate world, and, you know, a goddamn war with people who want to murder her for being who she is.  This Hermione is smart, and she’s kind, and she’s powerful, and she’s making real friends.  If you hate JKR’s guts I’d go read this right now, because it delivers in all the ways she failed us.  It’s plotty, its got great world-building, and it pulls back the white curtain on the wizarding world to show you that, like real life, it’s multicultural and full of queer people...and the discrimination that comes with both.

shuofthewind write epics, mainly for the MCU, and I’ve read some of them a looooong time ago, so this fic kinda seemed out of left field for me but im SOOOO GLAD it exists.  If you want MCU fic you can sink your teeth into, go for it, but alas, they do not have any more HP fic (.......yet?)

Speak Now [+] Listen Now, by mrsfrizzle on AO3, 33k altogether

Harry reaches out to Remus for support because Umbridge is getting to him with her literal torture.  Remus, being a former professor, former mandatory reporter, person who loves Harry and has since he was born, and all around good man, tells Harry he has to tell someone, or Remus will.  It’s everything any adult looking back on that time in HP canon ever wanted, which is for an actual adult to say “what the fuck, those are literal chidlren” and then do something about it.  Then, a far more dangerous task: Harry trusts Remus enough to go to him about the Dursleys.  Harry and Remus’ relationship develops SO WELL, and there’s a bit of exploration about how Sirius may not exactly be guardian material, because he did in fact spend 12 years of his life getting tortured instead of growing up.  I think I’m actually going to go reread this right now, because it speaks to my id.

they do have some other HP fic which did not appeal to my hyperspecific wants, but may appeal to some of yours.  I think they’re also a published author, there should be a link on their profile page.

chase the stars, by Duskglass on AO3, 101k (@felix-duskglass on tumblr)

When Harry is five years old, a picture of him ends up in the Daily Prophet, and Sirius Black, Terror of Ministry Officials Touring Azkaban everywhere, gets a hold of that issue.  He then, in order: breaks out of Azkaban; crosses the countryside to Surrey; Finds Harry: Kidnaps Harry; Breaks Into Remus’ Apartment; starts processing (or maybe just acknowledging) his trauma from Azkaban, the war, and his childhood; and pines after Remus.  It’s a little plotty, and deals a lot (sometimes through flashbacks) with the specific awful things that happened to Sirius—largely because, after years in the constant presence of Dementors, those are nearly literally the only memories he has left.  It’s a wonder he’s got the strength to love Harry and Remus at all.  But then, maybe it isn’t.

This is a Very Serious Fic, but the rest of Duskglass’s HP work is actually just cracky enough to tickle your funny-bone, while still making you think “okay but why couldn’t we have done that in the first place.”

So!  That’s it for recs, for now.  These are all things I’ve found and read in the last month; if any of y’all are interested in my old HP recs, let me know and I can make a post for that, too.  While I’m still very conflicted about my choice of current fandom, I am not in ANY way conflicted about my taste in fic and authors.  Send these guys some love, read their fic if you’re so inclined, and leave some nice comments at the end of it.

[viogsquad]

friends with benefits - david dobrik

authors note; took me days to write this haha so appreciate. please send me in feedback, reblog, like whatever, i don’t mind. just any form of love and feedback is one hundred percent appreciated! word count; 4.6k words. warnings; smut, smut, oral, dirty talk, thigh riding, morning sex

There were whispers within the friendship group about David’s new flame, no-one knowing the full truth apart from the man himself. Everyone knew that David had a new lover - his bright eyes and wide smile whenever the mystery woman was brought up confirmed their suspicions. David would wave them off and tell them to stop being daft all while giving you a sly smirk when everyone’s attention had turned to the next topic of conversation, your face heating up at the thought of being exposed as the new ‘couple’ within the friendship group.

What had started out as warm friendship since childhood had developed into more after the breakdown of David and Liza’s relationship, the two of them parting ways after a long time together. You were one of the first to find out, David confiding in you a few weeks before he told the rest of his friends. He had cried on your shoulder and held you tight as you whispered to him that everything would be okay, that he was still young and would find someone else. Your words brought him comfort for a short while before he was believing the same thing again. It was months of agonizing pain before he finally realised that he could live his life without having Liza by his side twenty-four seven.

The friends with benefits deal started after you and David had shared a few drinks in his back garden. There was nothing romantic about the situation at all, fumbling hands and sloppy kisses shared in the seating area as the sun fell down and darkness took over. David had instigated the kiss and you were more than willing to go along with it, your mouth on his before he could make the first move. The two of you were there for hours, talking in between kisses about stuff that was not relevant but helped ease the awkward tension that had grew - still, you continued to kiss him repeatedly despite the awkwardness. You knew David well enough to believe that the two of you would never speak about that night again, David not one to hook-up with someone close to him and certainly not in the right place of mind to start a brand-new relationship so you were surprised when it happened again. This time in the bathroom of a house in LA, the two of you acting like teenagers as you giddily snuck into the small room before anyone could spot the two of you and question what your intentions were there. Sober this time, you found yourself panicking when David pulled away and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, telling you that he couldn’t wait do it again, pressing one last kiss to your cheek before wandering back off into the crowd to film some vlog footage.

You laid awake all night and wondered why you had panicked at David’s words. You wanted nothing more but to kiss him again, the idiotic boy on your mind all the time since your first kiss and you soon realised that was why you were panicked. You didn’t want to ruin such a perfect friendship that had built up over a number of years, you wanted to remain in David’s life for as long as God would allow, either as his friend or as his lover. Still, you knew what your needs were and that was David.

The third time it happened was when you realised that things had gone too far yet you didn’t do anything to stop it. After dropping everyone off at home, David invited you back to his, claimed you could have Natalie’s room as she was out for the night with some of her friends and as you agreed, you fully understood that you would not be spending the night in Natalie’s bed. The two of you hadn’t even made it into the house before your mouths were connecting and David’s jacket had been shrugged off his shoulders only to be left by the door as you made your way towards the bedroom. The night was spent exploring each other's bodies, David’s mouth all over your exposed skin as he brought you to new heights and brought you pleasure that you had not felt with any other man. You found yourself growing attached with every touch. The marks that were placed upon your skin the next day bringing the widest smile to your face as your mind replayed the sight of David coming undone below you, his hair all over the place and his cheeks bright red.

It became an almost daily occurrence after that. No-one questioned the amount of time that you would spend over at David’s, or the endless amount of ‘sleepovers’ you had with Natalie who was the only one to know about the secret deal you and David had after walking in on the two of you one afternoon. It was normal for you and David to be close, nobody even questioned when you and David would sneak off together to a separate room, claiming that he wanted to go over some merch designs with you because he trusted your opinion. Little did they know; you would be down on your knees and David would be pressed against the wall with his hands tangled in your hair as he came down your throat.

“Look at him, he’s blushing,” Zane joked once the topic of conversation had once again turned to David and his secret lover. Zane had been the one to first claim that David was with somebody secretly and what started out as a joke became a full-blown conspiracy theory as all of the friendship group tried to figure out who the girl was. “Come on, just admit there is someone.”

“He admitted the other day that he’s seeing someone, just won’t tell us who the poor girl is,” Natalie added, sneakily raising one eyebrow in your direction. You shot her a look which told her to be quiet and even though you fully trusted Natalie with your life, you didn’t know what she would say or do when she had a few drinks down at her.

The late-night restaurant you were all in was pretty much dead, only a few other drunken fools scoffing their faces after a long night of drinking. David had kindly offered to go and collect Zane and Natalie - not quite trusting them to make their own way back safely - but he soon regretted it when they rang just as you were about to sort out his desire.

David was sat next to you, his hand covertly on your exposed thigh under the table and away from the eyes of Zane who would be straight on the group chat if he caught it, informing all of your friends that he was the first one to find out about yours and David’s arrangement. You could sense how awkward David felt, the continuous questions about who he was hooking up with getting to him but he kept a brave face on and refused to answer most of the questions that Zane fired at him, only answering the ones that wouldn’t give away your identity.

“Is she pretty?” Zane asked as he took a sip on the water you had forced him to have. When David nodded his head, Zane continued with his questions. “Like how pretty?”

Smiling more to himself than anyone else, David answered while squeezing your thigh gently. “She’s beautiful.”

Natalie’s foot kicked yours under the table as she grinned slightly, her heart swelling as she heard her best friend talking about her other best friend sweetly. “Do you love her?” Natalie asked, ruining the moment completely. “Like you must have been hooking up for a few months now and I know you well enough to know that you develop feelings quickly, David.”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business, Natalie - “

“Of course, it is! I’m your best friend.” Natalie’s voice was high as she nodded rapidly, keen to get an answer out of David and also to embarrass the two of you. Sober Natalie would never ask such questions or put the two of you in compromising positions but she was a bottle of vodka in and she couldn’t contain her mouth any longer. “I’ll just ask the lady in question if she loves you.”

A gasp came from the side of Natalie as Zane opened his mouth wide. “You know who it is, don’t you?”

“Might do,” Natalie obnoxiously sipped on her drink as she raised both eyebrows. “She’s very close to home, that’s all I’m saying Zane.”

Zane’s face twisted in confusion before his finger pointed over towards you, head tilted to the side slightly as he wandered if what he was thinking was true. “Not you, it is?”

“Don’t be so daft, Zane. I would never look at David like that and you should know this.” You felt guilty as you spoke, especially as you didn’t mean the words and when David’s hand left your thigh, you believed that you had hurt his feelings as well. However, there was a smirk on his face as he rested his chin on the palm of his hand. “What’s got you grinning?”

“We all know that you definitely did look at me like that in school.”

You widened your eyes and turned to face David, the smirk on his face turning into a wide smile as he glanced over at Natalie. “Excuse me?”

“You used to flirt with me every time we sat next to each other in English Language, try and deny it.”

“No, I didn’t - “

“You did,” Natalie interrupted, high-fiving David.

“Natalie, you weren’t even in our English lessons. You’re only sticking up for him because he pays your wages and I’ll have you know that it was him that always flirted with me.”

“Give me an example.” David’s full attention was on you now, not caring that Natalie and Zane would be listening to the playful argument that was about to unfold in the middle of a restaurant. David was adamant to prove his point that you had always wanted him but being stubborn, you were not going to let him get away with it that easily.

“Last year of school, we went to a party and you got super drunk and all night you kept flirting with me. You said that you were going to marry me if we weren’t already married by the age of 35.”

“I was drunk, it doesn’t count. You were sober every single English lesson.”

“I never flirted with you, darling.”

David scoffed and turned to Natalie who raised both hands to fake surrender, no longer wanting a part in the banter. Zane continued to watch on with confusion, all while sipping on his drink. As idiotic as he could be when he was drunk, he wasn’t ignorant and he realised that there was something there between you and David.

“I think it’s time to go home,” Natalie said, interrupting David as he was about to go over all the times that you had in fact flirted with him during English lessons. It was not a secret that there had always been something there between you and David but moving to Los Angeles with him pushed those thoughts out of your head, especially when he got with Liza and it seemed like the two of them would be together forever. Looking over at David, who was staring back at Natalie, the two of them had a silent conversation with only facial expressions before Natalie spoke again. “Zane, can I stop at yours tonight?”

“If you want,” Zane answered, not questioning why Natalie would want to stop over at his when she had a perfectly good room back at David’s. “Are you lot coming then or are you going to continue arguing over who flirts the most with who?” Zane paused and pointed towards David, a sly smirk on his face. “You definitely flirt with [y/n] more than she flirts with you by the way.”

Pulling a face at David, you pushed him lightly until he had no choice but to move out of the booth. He walked a step behind, his hand reaching forward to grab your hand before he realised that Zane could turn around at any given moment and spot the affectionate action. “Why is Natalie stopping at Zane’s tonight?” you asked, lingering around the bin area where you slowly discarded of the packaging from your food and drink.

David pretended to help you, his eyes quickly flickering back to Natalie and Zane who were stood outside bickering over who was going to get the big, comfy bed. “Well, I was thinking that we could finish what we started earlier. If I remember correctly, I was about to tie you up to the bed and fuck you until you couldn’t walk straight - “

“Oi!” you half-whispered excitedly, moving your hand to hit David’s arm. “I don’t know, I’m feeling pretty tired and I feel guilty making Natalie sleep out. I might just tell her that she can go back to yours and I’ll go to mine.”

David looked a little bit hurt for a moment before he clicked on that you were joking, your typical smirk plastered on your face. “And to think I was going to be kind and go down on you for as long as you wanted. Are you sure you want to go home?”

You closed one eye and pretended to think hard before shaking your head. “Looks like you’ve got me there, David.” You turned and looked through the window at Natalie and Zane, their mini argument become more heated as hands flew in the air. “Think we better go and get them home before they erupt.”

+++

As soon as you had dropped Natalie and Zane off, David was speeding over to his house. He was desperate for you, practically gagging for it and his wandering hands told you that. You hadn’t even got past the sofa before he was picking you up and placing you on the top of it, his mouth on yours and both of his hands gripping your cheeks.

“Need you so fucking bad,” David muttered against your mouth, one hand moving to pull your hair back so he had access to your neck. “Think about you every single day, you fucking ruin my mind. All I can think about during the podcast is bending you over the kitchen counter, think about you in meetings, can’t even go shopping without being tempted to buy you lingerie and have you model it for me - “

“David, please - “

“Bedroom,” he interrupted, kissing the corner of your mouth before helping you off the bed and walking you towards the door.

As soon as the bedroom door shut, David’s hands were wandering everywhere; down your back, waist and stomach, anywhere he could reach. David’s fingers wrapped through your hair as he tilted your head to the side, his lips attaching to the skin of your neck and sucking gently, not enough to leave any marks that would be spotted the next day when everyone was over to film some content. You were keen though and you soon moved David back so your lips were on his again, a hot and wet kiss that had both you and David weak at the knees. You had never been in a position like this before and every time with David felt like your first, the boy able to bring you new and different type of pleasure with every fuck that you shared.

David’s hands moved from the hem of your dress and where he had hiked it up, pressing his knee in between your thigh. Softly moaning, you shot up and flattened your hands against David’s shoulders. Without hesitating, you ground your hips against David’s thighs, moving backwards and forwards slowly until your eyes were fluttering shut. You tried to slow down your actions, knowing full well that it wouldn’t take much to get you to the edge of your orgasm for David’s hand was helping you move along and you couldn’t stop, no-matter how much you tried.

“Do you like that?” David asked, moving his hands to your cheeks and forcing you to look at him. David wanted to know every part of you - what turned you on, what you liked in bed, your favourite things to do. Every time you were together intimately, he was learning new things and he remembered everything for the next time. With other girls that he hooked up with, David selfishly wouldn’t care but with you, it needed to be perfect.

“Yeah,” you whispered; the sensation so good you thought you were going to drop to the hard floor. “I want, need, more though,” you continued, mouth returning to David’s.

David hummed against your lips before moving his hands to your waist and pulling you away from the bedroom door and over to the bed. You stood at the end of the bed and pushed David away before removing your dress, left in nothing but your lace underwear you had put on especially for him. David smirked, the fire in his stomach growing as you laid down on the bed sheets, waiting patiently for him to make the next move.

“You look so beautiful,” David mumbled as he hovered over your body, moving his hands to your underwear which he slipped down with ease, his hand behind your head as he brought you up for a quick kiss.

Nerves were starting to build up inside of you like it always did when you were naked in front of David. His mouth moved down your stomach as he left kisses along the skin, moving closer and closer to where you needed him the most. You had been waiting for this all day, a chance for you to be alone without worrying about someone coming to the house unexpectedly and catching you in the act. Secret glances during dinner, flirtatious comments when you were alone and subtle hand movements when David had to move past you was not satisfying your needs, but this was.

“Tonight, is all about you,” David continued, his body moving so it was situated in between your thighs. “So, let me taste you.”

Your breathing stopped for a split-second as you nodded your head, involuntary moving your thighs further apart so David had better access. A gentle kiss against your clit had you mewling, the build-up making it completely worth the wait. Moving your hands down your stomach, you pressed your hand against David’s hair and encouraged him to go further and cross the line, your desire strong and your body needy for his mouth. David moaned against your clit as he continued to go slow, the feeling of your fingers running through his locks encouraging him to pleasure you with more speed.

Spreading your legs impossibly further, David pressed one finger at your entrance before sliding it in slowly, the need to tease you and kept the intimacy you shared going on for longer strong. You harshly tugged at David’s hair, not one for teasing when you were so desperate for all of him which showed him that you needed more than what he was giving. David gave you what you wanted and slid another finger in before pumping in and out at a relentless speed, the action had your legs shaking and tensing up. The sounds that echoed around the room, your moaning bouncing off the walls along with David’s quiet moans that vibrated against your clit.

“I’m going to come, David,” you managed to get out, your voice broken and eyes glazed over with tears. David looked up at you from in between your legs, moving his mouth away from your clit to watch as his fingers slid in and out of you with ease. You were dripping down his hands and onto his expensive coat that he still hadn’t taken off but David couldn’t care less for the mess you were making everywhere, he was too into the face you were pulling that had his cock harder than ever before. “David, please,” you whispered, not able to come without his permission.

“Look at me,” David moaned, his spare hand gripping your thigh and his fingers digging in to get your attention. You slowly opened your eyes as you stared down at him. “I need you to look at me so you can remind yourself that it’s me who fucks you like this every night, no-one else.”

You nodded your head multiple times, unsure of what to say but agreeing with his words. Pulling away nearly killed David, especially when you let out a long noise of frustration from having your orgasm ripped away from you so quickly. David was positive that he could stay in between your thighs for the rest of his life but he was eager to be inside of you. Standing up, David stripped himself of his clothes and discarded them to the floor on top of yours. He grabbed a condom from the bedside draw and slid it on before moving to hover back over you, kisses pressed along your cheeks as he brought you back round with just his lips.

Pushing into you without warning, you let out a large moan and arched your back until your stomach was pressed against David’s, his mouth moving to press a kiss against your forehead to calm you down. Another long, loud moan came from you as David pulled out and then back in again, this time slowly as he waited for you to give him more encouragement.

It felt like heaven and David was sure that he could get used to doing this all the time, not just when the two of you were bored and feeling alone. With your fingernails digging into his back, your hot breath fanning against his neck and the small whimpers that slipped from your lips whenever David pulled out slowly, only to snap his hips back when the urge came was beautiful, David’s feelings wild as he tried to calm down.

You moved one of your hands above your head to grab onto the headboard, your moans echoing through the room along with David’s. There was no better sound to you. One of the most important men in your life becoming weak for you was special, a sight you would never forget.

David’s fingers were digging into your waist as he moved faster and quicker, his breathing rapid and broken, every thrust sending lightning through his body. It had never felt like this before, not even with Liza. Their foreheads were pressed together as they looked at each other, lips brushing together but never connecting.

“So good,” David whispered, his voice shaky. Looking down between your connected bodies, David watched himself move in and out of you, watched the way your legs tensed whenever it felt particularly good. “You are so fucking good.”

With one quick movement, David had moved your leg so he could thrust in deeper. You moved your hands from the headboard and onto his back where you left a series of scratches along the damp skin, marks he would look at the next day and smile to himself as he remembered the secret activities you performed together.

“I’m so close, David, so close,” you cried out, your whole body on fire as David’s thrusts became more relentless, chasing your orgasm and bringing it closer. “Faster, please.”

David compiled and gave you what you wanted. He had forgotten how much better sex felt when it was with someone that he adored, someone he worshipped and had done since he was a hormonal teenager. He had never seen anyone look so beautiful. Your hair was a tangled mess, your lips swollen and red from the previous kisses you had shared together and your skin was glowing and warm, mascara stains below your bottom eyelashes from the tears that had slipped out from pleasure.

"I'm so close, David, so close," you cried out, your whole body on fire as David’s thrusts became more relentless, chasing your orgasm and bringing it closer. "Faster, please."

“Let go, doll,” David whispered, pressing his mouth against yours as he finally brought you over the edge.

+++

Waking up naked, wrapped in David’s arms was a welcome feeling that you were finding yourself getting addicted to. One of his hands was lazily pressed against your stomach, the other resting besides your naked form, possibly uncomfortable but David was blissfully unaware as he slept - at least that’s what you thought.

Knowing that you were awake, David sneaked his hand down to your core - earning a moan from you in response. His fingers lazily trailed along your slit as you opened your legs, desperate for the feeling of his digits against your clit like they had been last night. Soft moans and whimpers came from your lips as you shut your legs around David’s hands, trapping him in between your thighs. You began to roll your hips backwards and forwards as you let the pleasure run through your body, not caring at all about how loud you were being.

“That’s it” David cooed in your ear before pressing a few kisses against your hair. “You know what you want, don’t you?”

You nodded, unable to form words as you let yourself become more and more desperate with every roll of your hips. David was finding it hard to keep calm as he left your wetness soak his hands but the sight of you using his hands and fingers to get yourself off was heavenly.

“Oh, David,” you softly whispered as you leaned forward slightly, the pleasure becoming too much for you.

With his free hand, David pulled your thighs apart. “Let me take care of my girl.” Gulping, you rolled over so you were on your back and allowed the sheets to fall, revealing every inch of your upper body to David. “What a bloody angel.”

You ignored the ‘my girl’ that came from his mouth, believing that he was only saying it in the moment and that he didn’t truly mean it. The thoughts soon vanished and turned to lust as David inserted two fingers, your arousal making it easy for him to gain access. Loud moans blessed the air of the bedroom as David continued with his moments and with each thrust of his fingers, you could feel your orgasm growing closer.

David’s mouth moved down to your shoulders where he left open-mouth kisses along the skin, taking his time to admire a bruise along your neck that he had accidently left the night before when he was too in the moment. It would be hard to keep away from the friendship group but David knew that you would be successful in doing so.

“Are you going to come for me?” he asked.

“Yes - “Your own voice failed you as you arched your back and clung onto David’s arm. The sight of the woman that he adored with every inch of his body coming undone because of him was remarkable. After sleeping around after his break up with Liza and thinking there was something electric about a one-night stand, which wasn’t like David at all, he had come to the conclusion that he never wanted to go back to that life. He didn’t want to be with any other woman apart from you.  

[wendip-week]

What If: Quicksand

It had been roughly seven years since that fateful summer in Gravity Falls when the second-generation of the appropriately-named Mystery Twins visited the town for the first time. For the next couple of summers, Dipper and Mabel Pines would visit their true-home at their Grunkle Stan’s infamous Mystery Shack and have plenty of grand and minor adventures.

A few years after the events of Bill Cipher being annihilated, Dipper and Mabel would come to an arrangement with their parents, allowing them to live and continue their education in Gravity Falls (an arrangement the two had kind of wished they had thought of on their first summer). They could live with the people and weird-elements that really helped them to thrive. After graduating high-school, the extended-family would continue their fun, dangerous adventures while pursuing their futures. Mabel would become a growing social-media personality. Dipper would finally begin his full-time apprenticeship under his great-uncle Ford. But before that, he’d make another endeavor, arguably harder than his pursuit of paranormal-science: Dipper would ask out his best friend and long-time crush, Wendy.

Yes, she shot him down when he was twelve, making it clear she wanted a platonic-relationship. However, over the years, things began to change. Puberty had been good to Dipper, making him much taller and far less scrawny than he had been. At the age of sixteen, having grown closer to the girl he never completely got over, he finally found the confidence to officially ask her on a real date. That time, she agreed. They’d been an item since.

Now, Dipper and Mabel were nineteen, Wendy was twenty-two, Soos was twenty-nine, and the Stans were old (they refused to give an exact-age at this point). Mabel was an online-college student and making a few bucks online, as well, while Dipper was in the middle of his studies. Wendy was enjoying being out of college, having gotten an Associate’s Degree in General Studies, and free to offer her assistance to the Pines-family whenever adventure called (or anything fun in general).

Currently, the family was doing a little of both. After the events of Weirdmageddon, Stan and Ford took to traveling across the globe and investigating paranormal mysteries outside of the valley surrounding Gravity Falls. If at all possible, they liked to travel by sea, like they’d planned on since they were young. Besides their investigations, it also presented opportunities to look for lost treasure or check out sea-babes (though they were cautious to avoid Sirens…).

Through some contacts of theirs, Stan and Ford had found out of a small, unmarked pocket of weirdness out somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. While they typically took a couple months of planning, this seemed doable without such extra preparations, especially since they had quite a few extra hands who were more than willing to come along. Of course, some only volunteered after they found out a certain arrangement had been made.

One enemy-turned-ally of the Mystery Crew (and a member of the failed Zodiac) was Pacifica Northwest, rich heiress of the semi-disgraced Northwest-family. After graduating high-school, she was immediately called to help her family restore their currently-meager fortune. Inexperienced though she was, she was still a Northwest, so she had some innate-talent for finding lucrative business-opportunities. In this case, she found out about this little trip from her ex-boyfriend, Dipper Pines, with whom she was still on good terms. Knowing that there was a small island in that area that was going to be explored, Pacifica saw an opportunity.

Her family had been forced to liquidate a number of assets (property, business-shares, etc.) to still live in relative-comfort, invest in the future, and not have to get day-jobs like most of their neighbors. One particular asset was that island that they had originally used as both a summer-home and a potential-means of business (if there was any oil or valuable-minerals). Unfortunately, they had not been able to sell or rent it for some odd reason. Most interested parties never even really got back to them after going to check it out. However, seeing as though she had connections in the form of paranormal-scientists and investigators, she might be able to turn this around.

That’s why the Mystery Crew were currently on an island. Pacifica offered to let them use it as a base-of-operations in exchange for a quick sweep of the area, just to check if there was anything wrong with it. Of course, there was other uses for it. It did, after all, have a beach and a well-furnished house (with plenty of natural power-sources for electric-appliances) not far from it. It would be an opportunity for a mini-vacation for both sets of twins, Wendy, and even Soos, who left the Mystery Shack in the capable-hands of his Abuelita.

  //

  Back at in Gravity Falls, the Mystery Shack was currently open, and boy, was business booming! Melody and her grandmother-in-law were at the register, making sales left-and-right while trying to keep the seemingly endless crowd of customers in order.

“Wow, Abuelita!” Melody stated, handing a customer the Shack’s newest piece of merchandise. “Who would have guessed tourists were such fans of your hand-made doilies?”

“Is gift of mine,” Abuelita replied. “Tomorrow, we sell pot-holders.”

  //

  For Dipper, however, this presented another opportunity…

Now, here they all were, relaxing on a small beach far from human-civilation. Soos was building a sandcastle, or rather, a sand-replica of the Mystery Shack. Stan and Ford were making plans near their anchored boat. Mabel and Wendy were hitting a beach ball back-and-forth in the water (and staying withing reasonable distance, as there was no lifeguards). And Dipper was recording their fun on his phone.

Well, he was mostly video-recording Wendy’s fun. He had always been crazy about her. How could he resist when she was clad in a bikini? After watching her splash a bit, the nerd decided he should probably make it look like he was interested in other things going on (which wasn’t entirely untrue). He came over to Stan and Ford, sporting tropical shirts and sun hats.

“Hey, guys,” Dipper said, pointing the camera to face his great-uncles. “So how are things looking?”

“Great!” Stan replied with a grin. “According to Pointdexter, the source of weirdness might actually be sunken treasure, after all. We’re gonna be rich!”

“Perhaps, Stanley. But bear in mind that we might not yet have the resources to retrieve such an item (if it is, in fact, treasure). It could require a submarine, of all things. And there’s the possibility of it being cursed. However, we can for sure locate it. And depending on the circumstances, even if we can’t clear out the weirdness here right now, we can still establish a safe travel-route for sailors everywhere.”

Stan groaned. “I’m just gonna say that it’s treasure,” he muttered.

After a bit of back-and-forth, Dipper decided he wanted to check out more of his girlfriend, who was laying back on an innertube, floating around with a pair of sunglasses (and an extra coat of sunscreen, considering she was a pale-redhead and a bit easier to burn). Dipper stood back at a reasonable distance, watching and recording. He was so fixated that he didn’t notice a body just beneath the surface of the water approach and slowly rise out of the water.

Before he could sense another presence, the young adventurer suddenly found himself splashed hard from behind. He turned and shouted in surprise: “MABEL!”

His excitable twin gasped in faux-shock. “My goodness! Do my ears deceive me? Does my doofus-brother realize there’s other people on the island besides him and his not-subtle crush?” she asked with a smirk.

“Mabel, you made me drop my phone!” Dipper said in irritation. He looked around for a second before finally finding it in the water. He groaned, before turning back to Mabel, eyes rather cross. “And she’s my girlfriend. I don’t have to be subtle!” As he said this, he subtly patted the pocket on his trunks, making sure a certain object was still there.

“Yeah, Mabes,” Wendy said, as she approached, now out of her tube. “He doesn’t have to insert how much he loves me under his breath in our conversations. Now he can just say it in his normal voice.” Dipper blushed. “Hey, is your phone okay?”

Dipper looked at his wet phone. “I… think it still works? Oh, better turn off that recording!”

Wendy whistled. “You’re lucky, dude. I so hate waiting for my phones to dry in rice! It takes forever and there’s no guarantee it solves the problem.”

Dipper nodded. “True.”

“Hey, I’m kind of thirsty. Let’s go back to the house. I think we forgot the cooler,” Wendy told her boyfriend.

“Sounds good.” The young-adult couple, leaving Mabel behind. “Hey, I’m still here, you know!”

“Leave them be, Hambone,” Soos said, walking over to Mabel. “Let them enjoy this while they can. One day, they’ll probably be married. And after the honeymoon, it’s work-work-work.”

“… You say this from experience, don’t you?” Mabel asked.

“Yes, I do,” Soos told her. “And it’s totally worth it.”

Mabel just blew a raspberry. “Oh, Soos! That doesn’t make any sense.”

  //

  Sure enough, Dipper and Wendy found the large cooler on the porch. After lugging it to the beach, the two cracked open a couple of cold Pitt Colas.

“Mmm… I pity the rest of the world. They don’t have access to this kind of soda,” Wendy said with a burp. “Excuse me.”

“Tell me about it,” Dipper agreed. “Of course, the occasional pit inside the can might be a bit of a turn-off for some people.”

The tall redheaded adult shrugged. “Whatever. So, what do you wanna do now?” she asked after finishing her soda.

Dipper smiled. This was his chance. “Want to go on a walk along the beach; just the two of us?”

“That sounds awesome, dude. Let’s just dump our trash first.”

The young couple dropped their now-empty cans into the trash bag the family brought along, and let Stan and Ford know what they were doing.

“Okay, but be careful,” Ford told them. “We haven’t scanned for potential threats like Ms. Northwest requested. Don’t go out too far.”

Wendy nodded. “You got it, Professor Pines. We’ll keep our eyes peeled. Come on, man,” she said, leading Dipper away.

Stan chuckled. “Ah, to be young and in love, then cheated out of your winnings… Think we still got a chance in such a game, Sixer?”

Ford looked at his brother. “I’d say our chances are very slim, Stanley (at least in this dimension). Even more unlikely is the possibility of kids. On the other hand, I don’t think that’s ever stopped you before…”

“Darn right, it hasn’t!”

  //

  Dipper and Wendy walked slowly along the beach’s shoreline, just enjoying the scenery around them, as well as each other’s company.

Wendy sighed. “I tell you, between twelve and fifteen, I would never have seen myself somewhere like this, at best, maybe a dirty, local beach. And between fifteen to eighteen, I could only see myself getting somewhere this nice by running away from home and hopping cars and trains for a while. I love how life surprises us…”

“I know,” Dipper replied, putting his arm around her. “I always imagined myself as an adventurer, but before Gravity Falls, I thought that would just stay a fun daydream. Now here I am, on a mysterious island with my family and the coolest, most-beautiful girl I have ever seen.”

“Oh, dude!” Wendy made a face. “That’s so mushy!”

“Sorry…”

“I didn’t say stop, though,” she said, grinning.

Dipper returned that expression, albeit blushing as he did so. After a moment he got bashful and looked forward. “Man, that is such a beautiful sunset, isn’t it?” he said, trying to change the subject.

“Hold it. Are you going to go with the ‘not as beautiful as you’ line? Okay, as much as I love cheesy romantic-talk in an ironic way, please don’t say that, of all things.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Dipper replied. “Even though it’s true. I was going to say that it reminds me of the moment I first really realized I was crushing on you. It was on the Mystery Shack roof.”

“That sounds about right, dude,” Wendy said thoughtfully. “Points for that line.” Wendy looked at the horizon, with the sun’s reflection across the water, the clouds and light across the sky making resemble an abstract canvas of orange and purple. “It is beautiful, though.” Wendy laid her head on her dork’s shoulder, admiring the view.

“We shouldn’t waste this opportunity,” Dipper said after a few minutes.

“Oh? What did you have in mind?” Wendy responded.

Dipper smiled. “Let’s get some selfies. We want to remember this moment, don’t we?”

“Yeah, let’s do it. And if Tambry reposts it online, practically half-the-world can see us and be totally jealous.”

Dipper pulled his phone back out and turned on the camera. He and Wendy got into position and Dipper started snapping away as they made various poses ranging from classic romance to fun summer-cruise themed ones.

They had just gotten into snuggle position and were about to take another pic when they felt the sand under their feet shift.

Dipper looked down, finding his feet had sunk beneath the sand. “What the-”

The couple let out a yelp as they suddenly began to sink rapidly beneath the sand. They were now up to their knees. It was so quick that Dipper lost his balance and dropped his phone. He was about to fall over into the sinking sand, too. Fortunately, Wendy was there.

“I’ve got you!” she shouted, holding his arm. “What is this? Quicksand?”

“I don’t know! The ground was relatively steady a second ago! I don’t think we moved too much while taking pictures!” he replied, rather worried.

“Dude, can you move your legs?” Wendy asked.

“No, I’m stuck!” He said, wiggling about. “What about you?”

“No good!” she told him. They were now nearly at their waists. “Wait! What if I-?” Wendy reached out (holding onto Dipper to avoid falling and going under), trying grab a stable patch of sand. Everywhere she reached, her hand just sank. “Drat! Dipper, you try!”

The young academic tried what his girlfriend did. He got about the same result. “This isn’t working. I don’t get it! What’s going on here?!”

“I’m what’s going on here!” a deep voice said out of nowhere.

Dipper and Wendy turned and discovered a humanoid-figure rising out of the sand… and was made out of sand, apparently.

“Who the heck are you?” Wendy asked the newcomer.

“Who am I? Why, I’m the Sandman! What else would I be called?”

“The guy who comes when people try to sleep?” Dipper asked.

The two of them, now up to their stomachs in sand, suddenly stopped sinking.

“No! (Why does everyone guess that)? I’m not that Sandman!”

“Oh, so you’re the bad guy from that movie with the Spider-guy, right?” Wendy asked.

“I remember that,” Dipper interjected. “It was like one of our B-movies, but with half-decent effects.”

“I know, right?”

“Yeah. Come to think of it, I wish there’d be a movie or show with the guy with the gas mask. He was a cool hero,” Dipper thought out loud.

“Huh?” Wendy replied. “What’s that got to do with sand?”

“I’m not either of those guys!” the so-called Sandman shouted. “I hide in the sand, waiting for creatures to come to my island. Then I slowly drag them under and feed on them slowly over the course of a thousand years! Of course, I don’t know that it’s a thousand years, but that sounds pretty ominous.”

“So, it’s like that monster from that movie?” Dipper asked.

“The one with the blind worms, dude? As far as PG-13 horror-flicks go, I kind of hate that series.”

“No-no! The scif-fi one. Remember? The third one from the original trilogy?”

“Eh, kind of…?”

“Hey, I’m talking here!” that monster yelled, grabbing their attention again. “Look, bottom-line: I’m the Sandman! I’m gonna suck you into the sand, and I’m gonna eat you slowly! Now, let’s get it over with before you start rambling again.”

Before Dipper and Wendy could respond, they found themselves sinking much faster than before.

“AAAAHHHH!!!” they shouted.

“BLEHEHEHEHEAUGH!!!” the Sandman cackled.

The young man and woman were now at their necks, looking utterly terrified. Dipper turned to look at the love of his life. It was now or never. “Wendy, I was planning on asking you this after we finished taking pictures, but if we happen to survive somehow… WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

“Yes! Dude, yes! I will… if we don’t get eaten, anyway!” Tears were in the girls’ eyes. They were happy tears, mostly.

“Wendy! I love-” Dipper didn’t get to finish his sentence, as they had finally gone under…

“Well, that was fun,” the Sandman said. “Time to sample the fresh stuff.”

      He didn’t get a chance to do so. A concentrated blast of energy suddenly hit the Sandman square in the chest, leaving a gaping hole in his chest.

“Augh!” the Sandman cried out. “Was that from a gun? Those aren’t supposed to hurt me-AUGH!” Another blast hit, taking most of his sandy-shoulder. “Where is that coming fro-?” This time, a heavy-volley of laser-blast hit the Sandman in rapid-succession, reducing him to a pile of sand before he could think of way to escape.

In the distance, an angry Stan and Ford were holding smoking proton-rifles and pistols, waiting for the Sandman to move again. When they saw no sign, Stan shouted back behind himself: “NOW! HURRY!”

Mabel raced past them, holding a shovel tied to a rope. Soos wasn’t far behind. He was holding the majority of said rope. When she got close enough, she threw the shovel into the loose sand where Dipper and Wendy just were. It sank in fairly quickly as Soos approached.

Not long after, he felt a strong tug on the rope and began pulling it back up. After a few hand-over-hands, the shovel came back up. Attached to it was a very dirty Dipper, who was desperately trying to suck in air. A moment later, it was revealed that in his other hand was his redheaded beloved. With one more tug, Soos pulled the gasping and coughing couple from out of the sand-pit.

The two were laid flat on their backs as Stan and Ford approached. Mabel hugged the two of them. “You guys are alive!”

“Yeah… Thanks to you all,” Dipper said between coughs.

“Got that… right,” Wendy added. “How’d you… find us?”

“Didn’t you guys know you were live-streaming?” Mabel asked them.

“Wait, what?” Dipper asked.

“Soos was looking at hilarious cat-videos when he saw you guys post.”

Soos nodded. “Good thing I wasn’t looking at one of the better ones.”

Stan chuckled. “We saw you lovebirds making all kinds of weird poses before you dropped your phone.”

“EEEE!” Mabel squealed. “I’m gonna have a sister soon!”

“And then we saw what might have been the reason nobody ever comes to this island come after you,” Ford added. “Kind of a shame we had to destroy it (or him?); I would have liked to have studied such a creature. I’m just glad my assumption about these guns against it was accurate.”

“Nah. I’m glad he’s gone-for-good. I mean, he was eating people,” Stan replied to his twin.

“Ergh…” Some of the sand started coming together, reforming parts of what vaguely resembled a human.

“AH!” Stan shouted, shooting his laser-pistol in response. The Sandman disintegrated again, and this time, he didn’t reform.

“Uh, back on topic…” Dipper started. “…Since when are we live-streaming?”

Soos brought Dipper his phone. “You still are, dawg,” he said in response.

“Seriously?” Dipper pressed a couple of buttons on his touch screen, only to get no response. “What’s going on?”

“Let me see,” Wendy took Dipper’s phone and tried to fiddle with it. “Oh… Here’s the problem: there’s water behind the screen. It must have actually been messed up after Mabel splashed you earlier.”

Dipper thought for a moment. “… So, when I tried to press the camera-app, it must not have registered right.”

Wendy shrugged. “Could be.”

Ford looked thoughtful for a moment. “Say, Stanley. Didn’t the Sandman say on the video that he devours living people over the course of a thousand years? I think the Northwests have had people on this island over the last half-decade or so. You know what that means?”

Stan groaned. “We have more work to do than a routine-sweep? That’s just great…”

  //

  Back at the beach-house, Dipper and Wendy were cleaned and patched up; now sitting together on the porch.

“Some day, huh?” Wendy asked.

“Tell me about it. It was not how I was hoping the afternoon would go,” Dipper said, shaking his head. “Still up for marrying me? I know it was kind of sudden, but…”

“Dude, I said yes twice. I think I’m sure,” Wendy replied with a smirk.

“Well, in that case…” Dipper reached into his pocket and produced a ring with a large diamond. Bordering the diamond was some kind of stone that resembled flannel.

“Wow… Dip! It’s beautiful! Where did you get this?” Wendy exclaimed.

“The, uh, diamond was from some time-travel adventure Mabel and I had with Blendin. Suffice to say, we’re secretly kind of rich… Oh, and the ring was actually crafted by some goblins that sort of owed me a favor.”

“Well, I love it. And not just because it’s unique.”

“I was hoping you would.”

“By the way, that reminds me…” Wendy punched Dipper on the shoulder.

“Ow! What was that for?” Dipper asked, rubbing his shoulder.

“For choosing a life-or-death situation to propose. I’d prefer a fancy restaurant, personally. It was also for proposing to me on your ex-girlfriend’s island, dude. Did you ever check to see who all saw that live-recording?”

“I… didn’t. Oh, boy…” Dipper rubbed his temple, realizing the worst-case-scenario.

“Ah, cheer up. You still got a fiancé, don’t you? Now, do me a favor and put that ring on my finger.”

“With pleasure.” Dipper took Wendy’s hand and slid it down her ring finger. He looked up, only to get a mouthful of his beautiful bride-to-be’s own mouth.

They stayed like that for a while.

[silyabeeodess]

Final Thoughts on Tangled: The Series

Normally, I don’t do many reviews, but since I’ve given my thoughts on points in the series before, I feel compelled to address certain things in the series in a full list.  As I’ve already brought up in the past, I very much have a love-hate relationship with the show.  This is because it has both exceptionally amazing and exceptionally terrible points that I can’t just shrug off--in part, because I’m starting to see them everywhere in a lot of cartoons these days, especially with Disney. Expect me to go over both positive and negative points, and I’ve give my conclusion on the series as a whole last.  There will be spoilers, so if you haven’t watched it in full yet, please do so before checking out the cut below.

Characters

As far as building up a lot of the characters go, I think most of them are really well-developed.  From a main character like Varian to minor figures like Captain Quaid, the creators seemed to have a good grasp of fleshing them out even when if they had a limited time to do so.  It helped the world of Tangled feel expansive and real, with even many of the background characters having their own identity and personalities: We didn’t need their life stories to make them stand out in our minds and they weren’t treated like a choir group used to only fill up space, which can be an easy pitfall when they’re showcased with notable importance to the story. (Moana, I’m looking at you.)  

My issues with the characters largely fall on a case-by-case basis--which will be brought up further below--but there is one general point that did wear on my nerves, and that’s with many of them having what I’d like to call “selective competence.”  By this, I mean that the strengths of the characters seemed to shift depending on whatever narrative the team wanted to tell.  One of the biggest examples of this is King Edmund: We’re introduced to him as a skilled fighter and fierce protector that could match up against not only the members of the Brotherhood like Adira because he trained them himself, but also while simultaneously holding his own for a time against Rapunzel and her friends--however, when he started being used for mostly comedy relief, he couldn’t even defend himself against the Stabbington Brothers who the group has already beaten multiple times over.  For crying out loud, they let him know they were there!  In no way do I think characters need some kind of point system to mark how strong they are--this is a story, not a tabletop RPG--but at the same time there’s needs to be better consistency and planning.  For the point I mentioned with King Edmund, an easy fix would’ve been a sneak attack that knocked him out before he had the chance to react by making him so consumed with the thought of losing his son in that moment that he wasn’t as aware of his surroundings as normal.  At least then there’d be an excuse!  This happens repeatedly throughout the series and with multiple characters though that it’s far from a slip up. 

Another general that focuses more on the girls is the power dynamic.  Look, I’m all for strong women, but not at the sacrifice of things like story or characters, and the show made a bad habit of leaning into that with their selective competence.  Think I’m wrong?  Ok, then explain this to me: How do you have two famed criminals with a known record throughout multiple kingdoms act like bumbling idiots who constantly either cause problems for the group with typically someone like Raps, Cass, or Adira having to get them out of that situation?  And if that wasn’t obvious enough, you have Adira’s little “I don’t get why they named it the Brotherhood because I’m a woman” statement that couldn’t be more on the nose.  

You know what?  I’m gonna go ahead and get to Adira despite her being a more minor character because I couldn’t stand her.  Most of the time when she showed up, I wanted to roll my eyes into the back of my skull because the primary reason she exists is to be a “strong woman who don’t need no man,” which, to be frank, we already have in spades in this show with much better characters.  She’s not impressive or a good role model for young girls: She’s an obnoxious token--and in more ways than one.  For no point whatsoever, she kept disappearing and reappearing in and out of episodes throughout S2 whenever the creators decided to use her--even though the audience is well aware she’s following the group and nothing seems to be stopping her from sticking by them.  They were shown fine with her travelling at their side on multiple occasions, so what was the need to have her vanish off and on when we know she’s just keeping up with them in the shadows anyhow? To top that off, she insists on being needlessly mysterious just for the sake of it despite her sharing similar goals with Raps and the group.  It would’ve been one thing had she just kept the potential danger of the moonstone’s affects on Raps a secret: The best lies are told with a bit of truth and it would’ve set up the mysterious angle of her much better.  Better anyway than her helping them one minute and then beating them up in the next because she “doesn’t like to be touched.” It got to the point where I didn’t care whether or not she could be trusted: I just wanted her offscreen.  

Going back to something positive for a moment though, Raps and Eugene are easily the best in the series (Or at least when they’re alone together, I have notes on both....)  I’m not talking about the romance between them--although that was really well done: I’m talking about how they bounced off of each other.  There’s something to be said about people who are willing to grow beside each other, and that growth shines in their relationship.  If one of them falters, the other is there to not only pick up the slack, but help pull the first back onto their feet.  Both Raps and Eugene have their highs and lows throughout the series and they’re willing to call the other back to earth and be their support when things go too far.  The power dynamic issue I mentioned earlier?  I never see it with them. They’re both balanced and match to each other’s strengths/weaknesses.  Neither of them is a vision of perfection, a knight in shining armor, or a damsel in distress: They’re two people who work in tandem to get through the hard times and simply enjoy the good ones together. 

Since I already wrote a large post discussing Raps and Cassandra, I’m going to link to that here.  For Cassandra though, I can summarize my thoughts on what they did to her character in one word: Butchered.  For both Seasons 1 and 2, the set-up for her was great, but everything after that was mostly an abysmal fall from grace.  They focused too much on her being jealous of Raps and upset over Gothel and ignored all of the problems that had sprung up in their friendship--such as Raps pushing her to the side just as much as anyone else and taking advantage of her friendship.  And then she literally had to ask herself, “Wait... am I the bad guy?” for her to consider that her actions may be unjustified.  Even after that, she immediately jumps back into her “villain” mode when Varian accidentally fired at her and blaming Raps--who’s just standing there--all while knowing ahead of time that Raps signed the decree for the weapon and having already excused it.  I saw glimmers of potential in the finale, but honestly, they fumbled and tripped so much with Cass that, even while satisfied with the conclusion to her arc, I’d far from call it a success.

Lance... This character just screams of missed opportunities. They gave him a great background to go with Eugene’s as these two best friends leaving a life of crime behind to each find their place in the world and then proceeded to make him the butt of a joke just about every second he was onscreen.  I can’t even think of a genuine character trait he had: I just look at him and see Tangled’s version of Olaf.  At least the end where he adopts Angry and Catalina was sweet, but even that felt lacking because all we got out of them were dumb jokes.  We see them together, but hardly in a way that would establish a parent-child bond; more like two siblings outwitting their dim babysitter.  The creators just could’ve handled him so much better, giving him and Eugene/Angry/Catalina more sincere interactions or letting him have a couple of moments to show what skills he brings to the group. They already had Shorty and used comedy among all of the characters anyway, so what was the point of making Lance a walking punchline?     

As for Eugene, I don’t have much to say beyond the points where they just made him out to be a moron like they did with Lance.  I actually really like how they developed them: How, personality wise, he never felt the need to change himself for anyone--he was confident in himself--but nevertheless struggled to find his own identity because of his past, family legacy, and whatever other revelations he came across in the present.  It was an interesting journey, watching him find himself.     

For all the bad I had to say regarding Raps in the post I listed earlier, I will admit as well that she does have some positive aspects.  I liked how her character arc focused on the importance of personal freedom while balancing it with the moral choice of accepting one’s duty to others.  For a time, she’s not ready to rule Corona due to her lack of knowledge/experience and never having the chance to discover what she needed in her own life.  However, she doesn’t use it as an excuse to shirk away from her responsibilities.  She accepts her duty to her kingdom and her people--and even to Eugene to an extent since she does love him and knows it’s unfair if she made him wait forever at her side--but she’s not willing to throw away her own happiness by rushing forward to fulfill them. It’s a balance that’s easy to struggle with, if not to the same degree as a princess, whether from a basic work/life or group/individual scenario or if you’re, for example, a young person rushed from one phase of their life to the next with certain expectations. The cherry on top is that she’s also a person struggling with her own maturity in the meantime, going from careless in some situations to a voice of reason later down the road.  

Overall, Zhan Tiri was a pretty good villain, particularly because she was actually, well, an honest villain.  After years of show after show, movie after movie, constantly being compelled to give their bad guys some sob story that hardly ever makes up for their actions, we’re finally back to getting to villains we love to hate. While I wouldn’t place her on the top tier, she’s still well done overall.  I don’t like her more powerful forms that much--they just don’t seem to have the best designs--but the child form was great.  The team found a good balance of conniving and creepy with her look.  My main complaint is that she can’t learn to shut up.  Now, it’s not the monologuing or even her spilling her own plans that I don’t like. Yes, it’s a trope for villains; however, it’s often used to showcase their arrogance; give the audience some more information about what’s going on in a simple, but effective way; and typically done when either the hero is at their weakest or when the villain is alone/with other villains.  The problem is Zhan Tiri’s timing.  It would be one thing if she monologued when Raps was at her weakest: Instead, she decides to reveal her identity and intentions to Raps well before her plans could succeed, therefore putting them at risk.  Had she not outright said “I’m playing Cass,” Cass’s morality would be placed in a more questionable eye by Raps and the others--further encouraging the conflict between the two young woman, which was what the demon wanted.  Her explaining that to Raps was just dumb.   

Music

I have no complaints.  Whoever is behind this, bravo: You made gold.  

I’d dare argue that the bulk of the songs could easily be any number that you’d hear on a successful Broadway track.  They're memorable, catchy, and tailor-made to perfectly fit in their respective scenes.  Everyone involved seemed to put their heart into the music, making many of them extremely powerful pieces.  The dialogue also meshes really well with the music, allowing the songs to flow naturally in and out of the scenes.  The only time where I’d say it doesn’t quite work would be in Through it All, but considering that the scene makes a point of joking about the musical elements of the series prior to that, you’re supposed to be aware of how unnatural it is, which can give it a charm of its own.  

Art and Animation

Again, for the art, no complaints.  Aside from some minor nitpicks that I’d shrug off--and I mean really minor, like a bird for the beginning of one episode that was huge in comparison to a second flying close to it--it’s beautiful. The style has a strong, painter-like quality that fits with the concept of this being Rapunzel’s story, matching to her--of course--being an artist.  You have these bold, beautiful colors and the team wasn’t afraid of letting them shine at their best, like in scenes such as when Rapunzel and Cassandra are fighting as the sundrop and moonstone.  There were so many nice contrasts that directed one’s focus perfectly on what the creators wanted you to see and that also made for rich, impressive moments in the show.  

As for more subtle details, one that I particularly liked were some of the gradients and the way they’re applied, such as the blush to Rapunzel’s face.  There’s something about that soft speckle around the edges that’s really satisfying, and--when comparing Rapunzel’s design to the flatter skin tone on most of the other characters--it gives her a warm glow that helps solidify her as the physical embodiement of the sundrop.

The animation is also super solid, and any critiques I have on it largely fall to things I think probably had more to do with the script than the animation itself.  For example, there’s the moment when Cass and Raps are fighting in Gothel’s house where Cass ties Raps hair around a pole, in the next moment it’s off the pole and Raps smacks her with it, and then it’s immediately wrapped around the pole again with Raps trying to unravel it.  It’s a pretty obvious and careless mistake to make--especially when you see how wonderfully choreographed a lot of the series is with dynamic camera shots that move fluidity with the characters.  What makes me think it’s more of a script-based problem is that there are similar inconsistencies that happen elsewhere and--while animated beautifully--don’t make much sense. One example of this is in the finale, where Cass is dying.  I tried re-watching the scene and checking the wikia to see how she got a fatal injury in case I missed something, but no: It’s never shown.  It’s like the team decided to have her dying just so Raps could say the healing incantation one final time. If you want to excuse it, you could say it had to do with the moonstone, but then you’d also have to explain how neither of the girls showcase any physical weaknesses aside from their loss of powers when Zhan Tiri takes both of their respective gems. Which leads me to...

Writing 

This is the hardest for me to discuss because so much of it is either really, really good or really, really bad.  I guess to start, I’ll bring up a problem that I noticed mimicked another show, Star Vs. the Forces of Evil.  Similarly to SVTFOE, the last season didn’t focus enough on the main plot to properly flesh it out--albeit, SVTFOE was much worse than Tangled: The Series could ever fear being.  A lot of people try to blame this on “Well, it’s the last season: It’s all they’ve got left to tell the story in.” Ok... Well, yeah, we can talk about how Disney and other companies stink at just letting creators tell a good story in the time they need to in another discussion, but here’s the thing: The teams know well in advance how many episodes they have to work with. Unfortunately, they wasted some of those episodes.  Did we really need to see Catalina as a werewolf?  Did we really need Pascal to befriend a dragon?  Even in the finale, with the more minor characters’ stumble into the Lost Realm, what was the point of it besides humor and getting them out of the way for a bit?  I’d understand if they were episodes for lightening the mood, but they already put so much comedy relief in with the main plot that that isn’t necessary: The mood’s already light enough and there’s just not much time to waste on random filler.  Again, filler isn’t a problem in itself either: You can have it, just don’t let it sacrifice main points that the show should address. One way to have gotten around this was to use more of a two-plot structure with some of these episodes: Plot A would focus on whatever fun the team wanted to have while Plot B could sprinkle in bits of information that the audience will need later for the main story--or they could even have done that with just a small scene to nudge some info in after the episode was done and before the credits rolled.            

I’d like to bring up some of the points that I thought could’ve been covered better.  First off, the whole “destiny” thing.  Well, we get what all signs Raps’ destiny is pointing to, but as often as it was brought up for Cass, they hardly explained what she wanted after taking the moonstone. What was her plan?  Initially, she didn’t want to attack/take over Corona. Sure, they tried saying she didn’t want to be anyone’s second, but everyone was going to hate her for taking the moonstone in the first place, so... good work there: I don’t think Cass would be stupid enough not to realize people wouldn’t think highly of her for it despite what the show tried to tell us.  They even missed the chance for some friction between Cass and Eugene after the latter was made the Captain of the Guard: Come on, you know that would’ve set her off!  Even the show questions this by Raps asking Cass what her end goal was in, I guess, the creators’ attempt at patching their mistake too little too late.  

Then there was the oh-so-important eclipse that we’re told nothing about until it gets here... besides that fact that it’s an eclipse.  The way the team tried to build it up through Zhan Tiri, you would’ve thought it was some cosmic magic on level with Avatar’s Sozin’s Comet. From what we could tell though, no, it’s just a normal eclipse.  That’s fine, but then why not explain more about it when everything else involving the sun and moon was amplified to some magical involvement?  

Thirdly, they brought the death incantation back: You know, that spell Raps was stupid enough to think she could control and then somehow randomly did for Varian because plot device despite it later being rendered pointless when the black rocks are then shown to be able to pierce through the amber just fine in S3, so Raps could’ve used those to save Varian’s father instead back when she had control of them?  That death incantation?  Yeah, suddenly it’s a bad thing again.  I could probably write a whole other post on these types of goofs alone, but I’ve been writing this for hours now and I’m almost to the end of it.

To wrap up this section, I will, however, admit that I liked some of the little things they included and would bring up later: I just wish they had done it more.  This is a method I call breadcrumb storytelling, in which a creator--for a specific moment--gives attention to something small that inevitably has a solid payback, often with the audience forgetting about it for a period only to resurface in their mind at the reveal.  One major point I’m talking about here was the use of the Moonstone shard.  Like many others, I actually did think they were going to show it as a sign of Cass’s slow destruction--that the Moonstone was a physical part of her and that by destroying it or overusing its power, it would inevitable destroy her as well.  It was a pleasant surprise to see the shard used as the key to defeating Zhan Tiri, and just how it was used.

Conclusion

So, did I like the series overall or not...?  Eh... I still find myself going back and forth on it.  What I hate about it, I hate with a passion, but the good parts that are there genuinely moved me. The things that worked wrapped up nicely and it was nice, but bittersweet to see the characters get their happy ending because it did feel pretty earned and you do feel sad to say goodbye to these people and this world you’ve become familiar with.  So I wouldn’t call it bad: I’d compare it to car that got totaled in a wreck and still somehow managed to flawlessly parallel park without any casualties after it flipped across the street.  It’s a mess, but I can still smile at it by the end of the day.     

[quarantingz]

letting my guard down (part 2/2)

Let me tell you a story of how I know God is real and that He indeed works in weird, mysterious, unexpected yet timely ways. Immediately after writing the first part of my epiphany or I’d even call it a predicament, I received a call from my mum while I was on the toilet (TMI but it had to be said!). I was already finishing up (sorry!) so I washed my hands (thoroughly, after putting my phone down) and hit answer. I said my usual cheerful hellos which I was expecting her to return. Instead, I saw mum in all her glory, except she wasn’t feeling glorious, with sadness evident in her eyes. I quickly realised that things weren’t good.

She looked at me as if to say, “So you must’ve read our message about the flight…” so I asked about it. Mum closed her eyes (a mannerism she has shown in almost all of our video calls), she does this whenever she talks about something pressing or whenever God puts a word in her heart that she shares with us with zealousness. I let her speak for a good 5 minutes. I just listened. She opened up about her feelings towards this turbulent situation we’re having and how badly her and dad want to come home, to the point where they were crying out to God last night asking why this is happening. Knowing my mum and how strong her relationship with God is, she’d hardly question anything. Especially God. But I could tell how much stress she was under yet still remain graceful and calm amidst this chaos. From the moment she opened her lips and scrunched her eyebrows together, I was prepared to simply listen. And it’s when we truly listen that we’re able to empathise with someone.

Mum dropped all of the weight she was bearing overnight on me. I’m glad I could offer a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on however this wasn’t enough. I wish I could be in her presence and hug her. She also told me about how Dad handled the news that their flight was yet again cancelled. They were supposed to come back on my mum’s birthday — the 21st of March. Then it became the 2nd of April, then the 15th and now there’s a high chance that they’re going to have to stay in the Philippines until June. Two months away from now. It was all a lot. And apparently Dad, who usually never raises his voice or shows signs of anger, was yelling at the Philippine Airlines call agent over the phone. “Imagine if you were in our shoes, unable to go home to our daughters, what would you do? How would you feel?” says Mum as she recalls Dad’s words which he said to the lady or guy on the other end of the line in English. We made a lighthearted joke about how this was more a result of him wanting to sound like a foreigner and therefore important, but maybe my Dad just tends to put his mother tongue aside when he’s all fired up and that we’ve just learned something new about him. Like I said the man is almost never irritated. From Mum’s retelling of his conversation with the poor employee who was just doing their job, it sounded like he was seething.

I listened to her talk for another 20 minutes or so, picking up on every detail and the shift in the tone of her voice with each recollection of relevant events.  She told me about how our long-term family friend thoroughly enjoys her and Dad’s company, and how this quarantine period has actually been a blessing for them all. Our family friend’s marriage, we’ll give her a pseudonym too — Beatrice, has apparently been on the rocks for quite some time now. Their home hasn’t been a place where love is nurtured but rather one where members of the family tend to quarrel. Lots. Upon hearing this I felt empathy towards Beatrice and her family, too. These are people who were very prominent in my early childhood years and although I haven’t seen them in 6 years I know that as soon as I visit them we’ll just pick up where we left off. Mum carried on with her testimony, highlighting the changes, good ones, that have occurred in the life and relationships of the [insert alias here] family since reuniting with my parents. The quarrelling apparently stopped and one of their kids who’s one of my childhood friends has been cooking them delicious meals since iso. Hearing this made me smile. I wasn’t surprised to hear that my parents have become such blessings to their family as they have always been one, Mum especially, to touch people’s hearts with God’s word. I look up to them both a lot although I know I’ll never be half as good as they are.

Then, not long after her story about the Rodriguez family, I felt this urge to write my thoughts down. It would be a reflection of an event happening in real time. Weird concept but had I went on for any longer without doing so I was scared that the thoughts would leave me entirely. Almost like an itch that won’t go away until I decide to get a pen and paper and let my subconscious take over which I’ve been doing a lot these days. I wrote down the following on the first piece of paper I could find within an arm’s reach, although I was willing to write on the back of this unopened pack of pens I found in the drawer situated in the middle of our lounge. Knowing this would be crazy and I’d run out of space after four sentences, I chose to write on this printed invoice from AA for Cathy’s car service breakdown back in 2016 instead. I jotted down the following words in bulletpoints, which were all I could muster without losing my train of thought:

Storytelling

Empathy

Listening (closely)

“God is not in us but rather in this space between you and me.” A quote from Before Sunrise which just randomly popped into my head but was also relevant to the situation. I don’t fully agree with the first part but I thought it was interesting.

As Mum went on with her gripping storytelling, I proceeded to writing, in full sentences this time, capturing exactly what I wrote on paper I think would be appropriate so I’ll do just that:

(Imagine there was an arrow pointing to the beginning of this paragraph from the bulletpoint ‘Listening (closely) and that’s precisely how I scrawled it all down)

First time in ages that I was able to live and be in the present, listening to my mum’s voice, her stories told as vividly as I aim to write in my blog entries… going into details like the colour of the table Tito (Tagalog word for ‘uncle’) [insert alias here] brought into his wife’s room to put down some mugs, a jug of boiling water and snacks. They were all so eager to talk to someone from Outside. Capitalising the O for emphasis. I was listening to this and seeing it all as if it were happening right in front of me. My mum is a great storyteller. So is my dad. I miss them. But right now I’m happy. (With another arrow drawn pointing to this sentence because I ran out of space after the previous one) I pray that God brings peace to their hearts in spite of these turbulent times.

What happened after this was beyond my imagination and what I’d expected. Mum asked how I’ve been coping with everything lately or my response to all the things she’d just said. Normally this question would’ve caused me to curl up into a ball and feel seen but wanting to be unseen. Embarrassed to even open my mouth and speak up about my feelings. Gross! But instead, what followed were words spoken with confidence I’ve never channeled before when talking to my parents about what’s really going on with me. My first words were, “Funny you ask…” before scanning my eyes down the page I had just clumsily scribbled half-baked musings on, and enunciating what I wrote to them exactly how it is on paper, knowing both my sisters were in the room and listening. Before I even got to the Before Sunrise quote, my voice was already breaking and I had to pause a few times. And then the tears just streamed down my face. Uncontrollably. In that moment I realised I was naked. Vulnerable. No longer able to hide. It felt liberating so I continued. But I reached a point where I came to a full stop and just covered my face and cried. Really cried. No one said anything for a while so I continued again. After I finished, Mum spoke more words of wisdom and I was back to listening and writing down insights I’ve pulled from what she’s saying and related them back to what I’ve gathered from my brief devotion prior to our video call (it was the first time in ages that I picked up a book that actually talks about God and not just a self-help book).

Throughout the rest of our conversation, I rotated the piece of paper so it was sitting horizontal on the table and wrote the following in boxes at the top and bottom (but actually the left and right side of the page originally):

“Take nothing for granted.”

All of these were in the same box, I’ll talk about them in more detail tomorrow when we catchup Alyssa x:

“Leaving the camp -> aka the familiar (in Moses’ terms)”

“Pitching the tent of Meeting”

“Offering yourself as a living sacrifice”

“Sabbath -> Shaun (oops, I mean Gabe): “What’s the Saturday plan?”

“God’s Timing”

And then an arrow pointing from this box to a new line:

“Song: Kahit Maputi Na Ang Buhok Ko” (in English this means ‘even when my hair turns grey’ which is a song about hoping your relationship with someone wouldn’t change throughout the years and that you’ll grow old together. Is that us, pal? 🥺 Okay I’m crying now).

Lastly on this page I wrote:

“I can’t seem to open up about the deepest parts of me, my thoughts and feelings without crying like a baby.”

Flipping over the page I wrote more messy musings (hey look an alliteration!) I even numbered the paragraphs since I wrote them around the imprints of the car service invoice therefore they were initially out of order. 

Okay, remember in the first part of this “epiphany” now turned blah I said I’d explain why I find it easier to write in my journal first before going on my laptop? Well I think it’s because in Notes or Pages, the cursor or Google said it’s called an insertion point, blinks as if to say, “What’s next?” Or “What else?” This takes me back to the late nights back in the uni days where I’d stare at my half-filled page on Word dumbfounded, suffering from the worst case of writer’s block. I get this when I’d try and write or add to my blog entries here on Tumblr too. Whereas writing on pen and paper to me are more forgiving and allows my subconscious to reign more.

Have you seen Greta Gerwig’s Little Women yet? I’m going to end this (and boy does this need to end, I’m sorry for what I’m about to get you to sit through) with a few references to that movie so I hope you have! This thing we started which allowed me to write again made me feel a lot like Saoirse as Jo in this scene where she too gets back into writing. She’s sitting on the floor of her room, hunched over tens and hundreds of pieces of paper riddled with her neat penmanship in ink, fervently writing her next novel. The scene was depicted as a montage, of Jo switching between her left and right hand, the sides of which are stained with black ink and she’s shaking her dominant hand to relieve the pain caused by hours of unbridled writing. This is how I felt like today. Alive. Fiery. Like the Aries I am.

To close, I want to say that it’s always been easier for me to put things in writing instead of vocalising them. This is more of my sister’s forte. This again reminds me of a scene in Little Women where Jo makes her speech about women having different dreams and ambitions but not one of them is more important than the other. We’re all very unique yet similar in that we are women with voices and gifts which we can choose to use in the way we like.

It feels like I’ve been on a rollercoaster this year so far, reaching highs but also plummeting down to my lowest of lows periodically. But I know I’m not alone. So if you’re feeling the same way, reader, I urge you to open up to the person you feel most comfortable with and although easier said than done, let your guard down. Be vulnerable as I believe it is in these times where we show someone else our cracks that light can shine through them and into the person we choose to strip in front of.

- p, with love

[dibs4ever]

Date Night (Fanfic)

Summary: Dick and Barbara live together, but only as housemates. They arent dating. What happens when Dick is home taking care of their infant son wwhile Barbara goes out on a date.

“Please make sure he’s asleep by nine at the latest.” Barbara instructed

 Dick rolled his eyes “I know, you do realize this is the first night in I don’t know how long that we are both off” he followed her through their shared house. He had his room, she had hers only reason they lived together was because of the person of topic right now.

Barbara rolled her eyes “Probably the same night that resulted in him” she nodded toward the tiny human in Dicks arms

He smiled at the 6-month-old baby giving him a light tickle on his chunky thigh so that he’d giggle.

“Awe and here we are spending it apart” Dick winked

Barbara smiled at him “Give me my baby” she stuck her arms out

Dick smiled handing him over

“Mommy is going to miss her Nathan tonight” she cooed holding the baby over her head

“Nathan tell her to stay here with you and daddy” Dick mocked from over her shoulder

Barbara turned to look at him “Dick.” She said sternly holding Nathan on her hip

Dick shrugged “What? Come on Babs don’t you think this is a little ridiculous? We have a baby together and you’re going out with some other guy” he waved his hands

Nathan took this as a cue that Dick wanted to hold him, so he leaned forward, Barbara passed her son to his father

Barbara shook her head “We discussed this Dick, just because we have a baby together doesn’t mean we should be together”

They stared at each other for a couple seconds

“Well Nate, I guess mommy is just going to miss our amazing dance party” Dick grinned walking toward the living room. Barbara followed behind them and watched Dick turn on the Bluetooth stereo. An upbeat song began to play, Dick began dancing around the room holding the baby over his head, throwing him lightly in the air and carefully spinning around. The baby let out a fit of giggles while Dick smiled from ear to ear.

Barbara shook her head in amusement watching the two Grayson’s. Dick dipped the baby his little tuffs of black hair falling around his chubby face. Nathan let out a loud giggle “Be careful” Barbara smiled

Dick shook his head as he brought the baby back to his chest “Mommy’s no fun” he grinned down at the infant both their blue eyes meeting Nathan looked at Dick as if he knew what he was saying “What’s that?” Dick grinned and paused “Daddy should dance with mommy? What a great idea Nate!” Quickly Dick set the 6-month-old down and grabbed Barbara’s hand pulling her to him

“Dick.” Barbara said lowly

 “Come on just once for the kid?” He shifted his eyes

Barbara looked at her son sitting on the floor, his blue eyes wide with wonder looking at them as he sucked on his thumb

Barbara nodded “Okay but no funny business mister” she poked his chest

Dick held his hands up “I promise”

A slow song began to play, Barbara hesitantly wrapped her arms around Dicks' neck his landed on her waist slowly they swayed to the music. Their dance was cut short by a knock at the door.  

Barbara released her arms “That would be my date” she spoke breaking out of his grasp

Dick watched her leave as she abandoned him for the mystery man behind the front door. He let out a groan and flopped down on the couch resting his head in his hands. Nathan let out a squeal Dick looked up and smiled at the baby who had managed to crawl over to the coffee table and pull himself up, he was advanced for his age which wasn’t a surprise to anyone. “What, you don’t like it when daddy doesn’t give you attention?” he poked the infants chubby belly.

Nathan began giggling causing Dicks smile to grow even larger.

Barbara reentered the room, a short slightly chubby man with thin brown hair and glasses at her side

“Charlie, this is my son Nathan. He’s six-month-old” Barbara said pointed down at her son-their son.

Charlie smiled “What a beautiful child Barbara.”

Barbara smiled “Thank you”

Charlie shook his head and bent down to Nathan’s height “I told you, you didn’t have to get a babysitter. I don’t mind him joining us”

Quickly Dick got off the couch picking his son up before Charlie could touch him “Fathers don’t babysit” Dick spoke sternly his hand protectively rested on his sons back.

Charlie’s jaw dropped “Oh you’re the- “

Dick nodded “Yup, Babs and I made this little guy.... together” he threw his free arm around Barbara’s shoulders “I agree he’s beautiful, I’ve tried to get her to let him do modeling but she says no”

“Dick” Barbara grumbled elbowing him in the gut

Dick let out a cough

“I’m going to use the restroom, then we can get going?” Charlie rose an eyebrow

Barbara nodded and pointed him in the direction

As soon as he was out of earshot Dick turned to her “Seriously Babs?” He said with a wide grin “You’re going to pass up an evening full of cuteness for that?”

 Barbara shook her head “Dick would you stop flirting”

Dick chuckled “I was talking about our son, but I’m flattered” he held a hand to his chest and batted his eyes

“Charlie is.... sweet, he’s always in the library and ever since he found out I had a son he asks about him whenever he checks out a book” Barbara explained

Dick smiled “I’m sure that’s not all he’s checking out” he waggled his eyebrows

Barbara smiled “Just please don’t scare him anymore then you already have, and remember while I’m gone- “

Dick groaned “Yes I know, boob juice is in the fridge, have him bathed and in bed by 9 oh and don’t encourage him to do any acrobatics. This isn’t my first time taking care of him you know” he smiled

Barbara flashed him a smile back she heard Charlie coming out of the bathroom and stepped forward “Bye Baby mommy loves you” she kissed Nathan’s cheek

“Bye Dick, please text me updates” she patted his shoulder before walking toward Charlie

“Bye you two! Have fun...but not too much fun.” Dick winked he waited till the front door closed before he looked at the baby in his arms

“No acrobatics? Who does your mommy think I am? Come on little Grayson let’s see how much better your balance has gotten since last time” Dick laughed tossing the baby playfully into the air and catching him

Barbara was seated at the restaurant across from Charlie who was obviously trying too hard. He had already spilt a glass of water all over his lap and spilled soup down her dress when he attempted to ‘romantically’ feed her from across the table.

“So, the ummm father of your child is he-does he live with you?” Charlie asked nervously

Barbara took a bite of food and nodded “Yeah, but it’s completely platonic and we have separate rooms. We just do because neither of us want to take a chance on missing out on major milestones in our son’s life ya know? Plus, it gives Nathan a stable living environment” she said once she swallowed

Charlie nodded, scrunching up his face oddly “Oh-umm how long were you together before you had Nathan?” He asked

 Barbara shrugged “Ugh well depends how you define together. We’ve known each other since as we're 9. And have gone back and forth with our relationship since we hit puberty “she explained

Charlie nodded shyly, “Well that’s good.... I guess”

Barbara could sense the awkwardness and decided to change the subject “This food is really good, great choice in the restaurant” she nodded in approval

 Her phone vibrated, and she quickly took it out of her purse. She smiled at the image

 Dick:” All fresh and clean ;)”

Barbara replied with  heart emoji “He looks so happy”

 After finishing dinner with Barbara paying because Charlie forgot his wallet at home they decided to go for a walk. They were about a mile from his car when the sky opened, and it began to downpour. They attempted to run back to the car, Charlie slipped falling on his back, Barbara turned around and helped him up getting even more soaked in the process. They made it back to the car when her phone vibrated again

Dick: “Well, I finally got him to drink his bottle. Had to fight him to eat, I think he prefers your boobs lol”

Barbara shook her head “Well he is your son” she replied

Dick replied a few seconds later with a winky face emoji

 “Want to go get some ice cream? I’m pretty sure I have a $20.00 in here, so you won’t have to pay for that” Charlie said as they began driving

Barbara nodded sliding her phone back into her pocket “Yeah that’d be great”

Ice cream ended up being the highlight of the night. They went through the drive threw and got two cones. After they parked at a little park overlooking a lake they ate them together watching the rain drops sprinkle in the water.

They arrived home with Charlie pulling into her driveway at 10pm.

“Thanks for tonight”, Charlie said quietly from the driver’s seat

Barbara nodded “Yeah it was fun”

They sat there awkwardly “I should probably go in” Barbara tumbled

Charlie nodded “Yeah, you probably have relieve to your- whatever he is”

Barbara nodded ”See you at the library”

She exited the car then went into her house

“Dick I’m home” she spoke

Silence...

She made her way through the house dropping her keys to the counter and seeing a mess of junk food, baby bottles and baby food remaining in the kitchen along with dirty baby clothes and Dick’s stained t-

shirt in the sink. Barbara let out a sigh “Seriously Dick” she said to herself

She walked into Nathan’s nursery only to find it empty, she proceeded through the house unable to find them. It was when she checked Dick’s bedroom that she stopped in her tracks and smiled. Dick was lying passed out in his bed with Nathan sound asleep on his chest. Barbara tip toed into the room. She bent down and placed a soft kiss on Nathan’s head.  She tip toed back out of the room to her own. Changing into her pajamas then making her way back to Dicks room. She climbed into the opposite side of the bed leaning forward she brushed the hair away from Dicks face before placing a kiss on his temple. Barbara settled in the bed beside Dick. Lying on her side she placed a hand on Nathan’s back before slowly drifting off to sleep.

 So what do you guys think? Should I make a sequel or a prequel? End it here? Was this one even good enough to post? Let me know.

[fear-god-shun-evil]

Marriage Testimony: I’ve Found the Right Marriage Partner Ordained by God

By Su Xiaobei

I was born in the 80s. My parents were both humble and incapable farmers. My mother often told me, “In my day, marriages were all arranged by parents. Before getting married, I had only met your father once, and we barely knew each other. Only until after our marriage did I know he was incapable. Since then, I didn’t have an easy day. I’m so miserable!” In my memory, whenever quarreling with my father, she always complained, “Why did I marry you?”

As time went by, I gradually grew up and began to have my own thoughts. While I was at school, my teacher told us that “One’s destiny is in his own hands” and “We can build a brighter future with our own two hands.” Hearing this, I made up my mind: I’m not gonna live like my parents; my marriage should be determined by myself; only by marrying a person I like can I lead a happy life. With this thought, I kept looking for a partner in the vast sea of humanity.

Later I met a boy, who was honest and capable, and was six years older than me. In the beginning, I thought: As long as we love each other, age is not an issue that could come in the way of our marriage. However, after knowing him for a time, I found that we had differing tastes and characters, and shared nothing in common. In the end, I quit my job and returned home, and our relationship drew to an end.

Before long I went to a city of Guangdong Province to work. Living a fast-paced life, I adopted a relaxed attitude toward love, believing that my marriage partner would appear sooner or later. One day, when attending a dinner party with my roommate, I met a boy who impressed me with his appearance and speech and behavior. After the dinner party, my roommate told me, “A boy had a crush on you today. If you like, I can introduce him to you.” Knowing that he was the very boy I met at the party, I agreed to meet him, and soon we fell in love. We had common tastes and common topics, which made me firmly believe that he was my other half. Three years later, he introduced me to his family, and they were all satisfied with me. Nevertheless, because of the long distance between our families, I was afraid that my parents would disapprove of our marriage, and thus didn’t take him home to meet them. But I made up my mind that I must get married to the person I like.

I returned home that fall, and told my parents that I was going to get married. Unexpectedly, as soon as they heard the boy’s home was far away, they firmly opposed our match. My mother said, “Arranged marriage is right and proper. It is humiliating to marry into another place; if you are bullied in the future, there is no one around to support you.” She even asked my relatives to persuade me, but it didn’t work. Seeing that my family disapproved of our marriage, I didn’t ask for their opinions any longer, and decided to leave this house and never come back. However, my mother made a vigorous attempt to prevent me from leaving and kept me in the room, insisting that I should be engaged before leaving. In order to leave earlier, I had no choice but to agree. I thought: Once leaving this house, I won’t come back, and then the boy’s family will break off the engagement. Later, my aunt introduced a boy in the neighboring village to me, and we got engaged very soon. After that, when I was ready to leave, my mother said to me in tears, “Sweetheart, you’ve grown up. You should stop acting like a child and be sensible. If you accept fate, then your life will go smoothly; otherwise, you will live in pain. Just look at me. Though my marriage is full of frustrations, that’s my destiny and I’ve accepted it, and so should you. Now that you are engaged, you shouldn’t part with that boy.” Upon hearing that, I felt disgust and said, “I won’t resign myself to fate. My destiny is in my own hand. Can’t I decide whom I’m gonna marry?” Then I left for Guangdong Province without hesitation.

Although I went back to work, what happened at home became a knot in my heart, which made me depressed every day. One day, a colleague asked me to accompany her to hospital for a health check. When we arrived, she said, “For the sake of your health, you should also have a physical.” Then I had an examination. However, when the result was out, I was shocked that I had a malignant tumor. The doctor told me, “You are seriously ill and need immediate hospitalization. The malignant tumor in your uterus grows very fast; I’m afraid you can’t procreate in the future.” This news struck me like a bolt from the blue and shook me so much that I couldn’t accept it, feeling as if the sky had fallen. Later, I was hospitalized. To my surprise, when I told my boyfriend about my illness, he, who had a sense of responsibility in the past, never showed up since then. Only then did I realize what “true love” was; it was so silly of me to break with my family for such a person. In despair, I left the hospital of my own volition.

When I returned home and told mom about my illness, she immediately sent me to the hospital. Seeing that she cared for me day and night, I felt remorse for my deeds and actions of the past. Over the following year, I received chemotherapy every month, which soon made my hair fall out. Looking at my ugly appearance in the mirror, I was in great pain. During my illness, the boy I was engaged to often came to the hospital to take care of me. When I lost my temper with him, he silently bore it without any complaint. In addition, ugly as I was, he still didn’t break off the engagement, which was contrary to my expectation and touched me; gradually, I began to accept him. Because of the illness, I became taciturn. Sometimes I lay on the hospital bed and gazed out of the window, thinking of my situation; then I came to know life was so fragile that it couldn’t withstand a single blow. I couldn’t help but think to myself: Why am I so miserable? Why can’t I have the life and marriage I want? This isn’t what I expected. Could it be that I am truly unable to control my own fate? Then who controls it? Why couldn’t I get what I had been struggling for? Why? Later, through a year of painful treatment, my illness was cured. Having come back from the verge of death, I felt as if I had been in a dream and so happy that I could live freely, yet my doubt about the correctness of the words “One’s destiny is in his own hands” still remained.

After illness, I soon got married to the boy I was engaged to. Later, we had a lovely daughter and lived in happiness and peace. When my daughter was three months old, my aunt gave me a book of God’s words, in which I found the answer to the mystery of fate. God’s words say, “Marriage is a key event in any person’s life; it is the time when one starts truly to assume various kinds of responsibilities, begins gradually to fulfill various kinds of missions. People harbor many illusions about marriage before they experience it themselves, and all these illusions are beautiful. Women imagine that their other halves will be Prince Charming, and men imagine that they will marry Snow White. … Though everyone has their own ideas and personal stances on the subject of marriage, no one can foresee who will finally become their true other half, and one’s own notions count for little. After meeting a person you like, you can pursue that person; but whether he or she is interested in you, whether he or she is able to become your partner, is not yours to decide. The object of your affections is not necessarily the person with whom you will be able to share your life; and meanwhile someone you never expected quietly enters your life and becomes your partner, becomes the most important element in your fate, your other half, to whom your fate is inextricably bound.”

“Where you will go every day, what you will do, who or what you will encounter, what you will say, what will happen to you—can any of this be predicted? People cannot foresee all these occurrences, much less control how they develop. In life, these unforeseeable events happen all the time, and they are an everyday occurrence. These daily vicissitudes and the ways they unfold, or the patterns by which they play out, are constant reminders to humanity that nothing happens at random, that these things’ ramifications, and their inevitability, cannot be shifted by human will. Every happening conveys an admonition from the Creator to mankind, and it also sends the message that human beings cannot control their own fates; at the same time every event is a rebuttal to humanity’s wild, futile ambition and desire to take its fate into its own hands. … From these daily vicissitudes to the fates of entire human lives, there is nothing that does not reveal the Creator’s plans and His sovereignty; there is nothing that does not send the message that ‘the Creator’s authority cannot be exceeded,’ that does not convey the eternal truth that ‘the Creator’s authority is supreme’” (God Himself, the Unique III). In these words, I found the answer to my question. It turned out that our fate is not controlled by our own hands, but is arranged and ruled by the Creator; our marriages are also predetermined by Him. No matter how hard we try, we can’t alter the predestination of the Creator and have to play our respective role in our marriages. It’s just like the saying goes, “Man’s life is fated by Heaven.” Although I could fight for my marriage, I still had to return to the path God had predetermined for me; what’s more, from my own experience, I realized all that God has arranged is the greatest.

At that time, I couldn’t help but think: In the past, why did I always face fate defiantly? Then I understood that during the course of my learning knowledge, Satan’s poisons “One’s destiny is in his own hand” and “We can build a brighter future with our own two hands” were instilled in me, which made me vie obstinately against fate all along. It was not by chance that I got illness, but was God’s salvation; God used the fact to awaken me from the fallacy that “One’s destiny is in his own hand,” making me reconsider who is in control of my fate. In His powerful words, I found the answer that God is the Master of my fate. In addition, I felt even more grateful for His salvation and love for me: If not for the illness, I never would have seen through the so-called true love among men; if not for God saving me in this way, I would still be drifting in this world and become further and further from Him, and moreover would continue to oppose God and be fooled and harmed by Satan; if not for God’s care and protection, who knows what I would be like today. Thank God! My illness was His grace and special favor, which gave me an opportunity to know Him, accept His care and protection, submit to His sovereignty and arrangement over my fate, and live with joy and happiness before Him. All glory be to God!

[dprdabin]

Korea's Rising Rap Star DPR LIVE Looks Back on 2017 and Talks New Plans: Exclusive Video & Interview

With an onslaught of addictive bangers and visually-captivating videos in 2017, DPR LIVE has ascended from an elusive, underground rapper to one of the most talked about and celebrated new voices emerging in Korea's rapidly growing hip-hop scene.

Since gaining recognition through knockout bars and a scene-stealing performance on the critically acclaimed viral hit "Eung Freestyle," DPR LIVE―real name Hong Da Bin―has excelled thanks to his chart accolades and internet co-signs.

The 25-year-old spawned two impressive EPs via his explosive debut EP Coming to You Live from March 2017 and stellar follow-up Her in December, the latter peaking at No. 8 on Billboard's World Album chart, despite no big-name features. DPR LIVE also played to sold-out crowds in Korea and London last year, scored a promotional video campaign with Nike, and racked up millions of views on YouTube, all helping him garner a legion of excited fans all across the globe.

Yet what really sets the charismatic rapper apart as one of the more interesting come-ups in 2017 is the fact that he has achieved all this as a completely independent artist -- a rarity in Korea's highly-competitive music scene.

DPR LIVE and his crew Dream Perfect Regime -- a creative collective better known as DPR -- have relentlessly hustled with nothing but talent and determination, all in the name of keeping LIVE’s budding rap career authentic and true to the crew's message. Never bowing to industry standards, the collective's focus on positioning DPR LIVE onto the mainstream radar has already paid off in a big way: The crew received their first major monetary investment in late 201, which helped fund a new Seoul studio.

While DPR LIVE has already made accomplishments most of his indie peers can only dream of, the young talent is eyeing 2018 with higher aspirations. Gaining stateside traction for his witty flow flips between Korean and English and forward-thinking ear, LIVE earned a slot on this year's massively-anticipated, sixth annual "Korea Spotlight" showcase at SXSW 2018 among some of Korean music’s biggest names -- like R&B phenom Crush, rock sensation Hyukoh and powerhouse diva Lee Hi -- all taking place on March 16 at the Belmont in Austin, Tex.

Ahead of his debut U.S. show, DPR LIVE exclusively sat down with Billboard Koreafor his first-ever, in-depth artist interview at his new studio to share his personal struggles, creative vision and goals.

Watch DPR LIVE’s recap video and read full interview below.

What were some of the challenges you faced in the industry as an indie artist without an actual label?

Oh man, where do I even start? We had a shit-ton of challenges. First of all, financing everything on our own was the hardest thing we had to overcome. We started with zero capital. No investor, no fancy equipment, no nothing. That’s why we had to start as a visual team, but that was probably the smartest move we made, to think about it now. Not only did we get a chance to showcase our talent, but it also helped to connect with other musicians and entertainment labels. It was a good way of learning the ropes of the Korean music industry; how it worked, how we needed to evolve to get to the next level, etc.

For a good two years, DPR REM [creative director] and DPR IAN [visual director] busted their asses shooting materials for other artists in order to help fund any and all of our projects during that time. And the more I think about it now, the more I’m grateful for that, you know? Cause I know it takes a lot of trust and commitment. They were sacrificing a lot, and that’s what fueled me when I was making music. I knew I not only had to do it for myself, but more importantly, for my team.

The second biggest challenge, I guess, was the fact that we were completely clueless. [Laughs.] I didn’t even know what it meant to "mix songs," or how to get distribution for my music. It was all trial and error, because none of us had any prior experience. We had no money or any real knowledge as to how this [music industry] really works― all we had was just a whole lot of untamed passion and a dream. If one approach didn’t work, we would learn from it and move onto the next one. We learned a lot in those years. That experience is what helped us launch our own company. Now, we get to run our own show and do exactly what we want to do. No one tells us what to do, what to make or how to do it. If we like it as a team, then we do it. That kind of freedom is truly incredible. Our struggles brought us closer together and I’m proud that we have accomplished this as a team.

What is your and DPR’s greatest strength and weakness?

Our greatest strength is that whatever we do, it’s organic. We also know each other so well now to the point where we can easily align our thoughts in such a quick way that it allows us to get straight to work. There’s really no buffer period or queue. We have our own system that works efficiently for all of us. But on the other hand, we can improve and learn how to expand and grow our team. We’re known to be mysterious and unpredictable, and we like that because it keeps our fans in suspense and on edge, but it makes it harder for all of us to bring in new members, because we are such a tight-knit group. However, I’m confident we’ll get into the hang of things in due time.

Last year was great year for you. What are some of the most memorable moments?

2017 has been a life-changing year for me and my team. I released two albums, moved into a brand-new, dope studio, got to travel to some awesome places and work with some amazing people. I honestly couldn't have wished for more. Although all these moments were significantly memorable, I’d have to say getting our studio was probably the most memorable moment of 2017 for DPR. Might not sound like a big deal to some, but you have to understand, we used to hold meetings ranging from coffee shops to even local karaoke rooms on a regular basis just to get some privacy at times. Now that we have a place we can all call home, with separate recording, producing and meetings rooms; it’s surreal, to be honest. Really goes to show what can be achieved.  

Any mistakes or regrets?

No, I don’t have regrets. Everything I’ve experienced was for a specific purpose, and I really believe in that. Literally everything. Although, I had a fair share of upsets and disappointments, now that I look back on it, I'm starting to see how it all came together. Each experience was meant to happen at that exact moment so that we can draw a bigger picture. I'm a huge believer in the whole "everything happens for a reason" quote and so is my team. DPR was basically founded upon that motto. We all happened to meet by chance if you think about it. A bunch of kids, who grew up in all corners of the world, somehow met up in Seoul and eventually came together to do what we do now as DPR.

Your debut EP Coming to You Live boasts guest features from some of the top names in the industry. How did you get them to collaborate?

It was a mix of good timing and mutual respect, I guess. DPR was slowly getting recognized in the industry as an up-and-coming visual team and that really helped my musical career and credibility. While I was in the studio recording demos, IAN and REM were hustling on the video side and doing whatever they could do to spread our brand name. It also helped us earn some money to finance whatever we wanted to do in-house. [Laughs.] Also, being featured on "Eung Freestyle," which was also produced and directed by my team, gave us a good boost. It helped start a lot of conversations with artists in general.

Your recent release Her has also been successful. What did you want to resonate with this project?

Her is a more genre-specific compilation of songs than my first EP. I wanted to get more personal and intimate with my listeners on themes relating to love and relationships.

Where does your musical inspiration come from?

For me, inspiration comes in many angles. I’d say half of it comes from just an array of talented musicians and their music. The internet in itself is inspiring sometimes. On the other hand, a lot my inspiration comes from my experiences in life and the things I place value on.

Why and how did you start making music?

I started making music when I was stationed in the Korean army. I went relatively early for my age, and I had a lot of free time on my hands so I would start writing whenever I had the chance. That’s where my passion slowly grew. It was a good time for me to reflect on my future;  I had a lot of thoughts/things I wanted to say. That’s where I really picked up writing song lyrics.

What goals do you have for 2018?

I can probably make a huge list of what goals I want to hit in 2018, but ultimately, I really just want my team to stay healthy, committed and passionate. That’s not only for 2018, but that’s really a lifetime goal I have.

And what's the biggest drive that motivates you?

I just want to release quality music and materials.  I hope we [DPR] never get lazy or complacent, and continue to challenge each other so that we can continuously push boundaries. It’s not easy to impress people these days, but to rise above that, and to see that stamp of approval and recognition from people is where all my adrenaline rush comes from. It drives me and my team to go beyond.

Where do you see yourself in the next few years?

Hopefully in the next few years, I’ll not only be a better artist myself but I hope to see our team grow and continue to do more exciting things together. Whether it be a visual thing, or a music thing, or something completely different, I just want to see us all succeed together. That’s really the main point.

In the end, it's not really the legacy that I leave behind, but the impact we make as a team. There aren’t that many teams like us in Korea and for that reason, it’d be really dope if we could almost set a benchmark or an example for the next up-and-coming generation of creatives to think outside the box and really learn to DIY. In the end, that’s what we did and it's been the best decision we’ve made.

© Jessica Oak @ Billboard

[darkwinterchild]

Arrow: how season 1 set up the world

Originally posted on Reddit

Warning: a lot of words, as usual.

Worldbuilding is an important part of storytelling, so I wanted to talk a little about one of the most important pieces of worldbuilding in Arrow: Starling City itself. Because I think it has been neglected after the first seasons. The city used to be so full of life back in the days. It felt whole, it felt real and it felt grounded, and there are two major ways the writers managed to accomplish that: first, they introduced characters from all walks of life, both mains and minors; second, they set up a social background, the issue of class, and used that background to frame, color, compare and contrast their characters from the get-go - give them more depth and complexity.

So first, let’s look at season 1’s array of characters

The main character belonged to Starling City’s elite: that was our point of entry, our main point of view. On the one hand, we had Oliver, Thea, Thea’s friends, Tommy, Max Fuller and Carter Bowen to represent the privileged youths of the city. On the other, we had Walter, Moira, Malcolm, Frank Chen and the people on the List (Adam Hunt, Martin Somers, etc.) to introduce us to the older generation and their shenanigans.

Middle class? The Lance family used to be at the center: Laurel, Quentin, Dinah and Sara (dead but certainly not forgotten). From there, we had Laurel’s friends and colleagues at CNRI (Joanna in particular), and we had Quentin’s friends and colleagues at SCPD (Pike, Hilton, McKenna). We also had Diggle and Carly, poor Rob, and Felicity Smoak.

The people of the Glades were given a voice via Laurel’s storyline as a lawyer: Emily Nocenti, Peter Declan, and Eric and Nancy Moore with their son Taylor. Roy, our main boy, was introduced in episode 15. Raisa, the Queens’ Russian maid, left an impression in spite of only being featured in episode 1. Others were antagonists, but they were still given depth and motivations: the Restons and the Savior in particular.

Organized crime in Starling City used to operate at every level. At the very top, we had Malcolm Merlyn and his organisation. Then, among the lesser rich, we had the Bertinelli family (Frank and Helena). Ted Gaynor and his disgruntled veterans belonged more or less to the middle class. Finally, down at the bottom, we had the Triad, the Bratva, and Count Vertigo’s drug ring.

Throughout the first season, the main characters also mostly all had their own distinct narrative space. Just to cite some of the most important ones: Laurel shared separate storylines with Oliver, Lance and Tommy; Felicity shared separate storylines with Walter and Oliver; Tommy shared separate storylines with Laurel, Oliver and his father; Thea shared separate storylines with her mother, Oliver and Roy. There were so many different factions with different opinions and different agendas, doing completely different things - which made it all the more exciting whenever these storylines intersected (and they all came together in the big finale). This was a way to breath life into their world: Starling City used to be more than just a bunch of vigilante saving nameless faces. It used to be Laurel and the lawyers at CNRI fighting the city’s corrupt elite; it used to be Tommy trying to find his place; it used to be Quentin Lance and SCPD fighting crime and chasing after the Hood; it used to be Walter, a good man trying to solve a mystery; it used to be Moira, trying hard not to drown in her conspiracies; it used to be Roy and Thea figuring out who they wanted to be; etc.

So, this diversity of POV wasn’t a coincidence, but a consequence of the choice the writers made when they incorporated class as one of the thematic pillars of their show. Once they made that decision, it was obviously very important to have both main and minor characters at every social level through which we could explore life in the city. Note also the variety of professions/life styles within the same social class: in terms of worldbuilding, it is doubly important, because of course that leads to a variety of locations. The city didn’t just feel different in season 1 because of all the characters, it also looked different because of all the different sets associated with these characters.

How class was used to ground Starling City and bring it to life

The class issue was an integral part of the story. For a show based on a liberal superhero (from what I’ve heard), it is the one social justice issue they chose to tackle (racism, homophobia, sexism, etc. basically weren’t addressed at all), and they obviously put some effort into it.

Most characters and relationships during the first season explored class dynamics to some extend. When you look at romance, for example, class was the most essential element of Thea/Roy, a core element of both Oliver/Laurel and Tommy/Laurel (Quentin resenting these rich bad boys for what Oliver did to his daughters, Moira telling Laurel that her son loved being at her place because he didn’t feel like Robert’s son there, just himself; Tommy being cut off being an important part of the development of his story with Laurel; etc.), and definitely colored the way Moira/Walter as a high-end couple was written. Concerning characters, the fact that they were billionaires was a defining characteristic of both the Queens and the Merlyns, just like the fact that he was poor was a defining characteristic of Roy. Actually, we can’t just talk about a defining characteristic: their social standing was basically one of the driving character traits in their storylines, for all these characters.

Class used to be at the very core of show. Oliver’s story started when he realized his family’s fortune was built upon the suffering of others - when his father shot himself in the head and left him with the mission of righting the wrongs he committed toward the lower class. On the outside, the Hood was designed to be a champion of the people, an avenger going after the corrupt elite: he was the monster they created, karma in a way, consequences for all those who thought they could abuse their power and get away with it just because they had money. On the inside, the Hood is a deeply personal story about redemption and legacy, it is about an ex- billionaire playboy making amends for not only his father’s cruelty and indifference, but also his own mistakes - the entitlement that made him hurt his girlfriend horribly and irreparably, and left her sister dead at sea.

The Hood going after the List grounded the show in so many ways. First, it made his story different than all the other superheroes out there. Second (and particularly relevant to this post), it allowed the writers to explore the city in so many different angles: these people were not only businessmen but also accountants, investors, financial advisors, etc. By telling us their stories, the writers were also telling us how the city worked in all its complexities, who were the many different players. It made it more whole. Third, it meant the Hood had a justification for being a vigilante: he wasn’t there to replace the police back then, he was there to do what they couldn’t because they weren’t allowed to. Go after the guilty that eluded the law, that fancied themselves above it. His targets and his M.O. meant Oliver couldn’t do what he wanted to do by legal means. Each operation was carefully planned in advance, complete with detective work. This added a layer of believability to his story and the world they lived in that completely fell off in latter seasons.

The class issue wasn’t used to ground just the hero’s story into something real: it’s the same deal for the big bad’s plot. Everything about the Undertaking is a commentary on class, from Malcolm’s motivation (the crime-infested Glades that killed his wife), its execution (using his power as the most successful businessman in Starling to persuade or bully the other powerful players into joining his cause, take control of the corrupt first class via blackmail, infiltrate the law-enforcement, etc.: all of that to have a hand of command over every important chess piece in the city), to his end-goal (the annihilation of the poorest part of town). Actually, I’ve always found the diversity of Malcolm’s main group, the team that orchestrated the Undertaking, striking: he was the only white man, the others were two women, an Asian man, and a black man (Robert was killed right after they switched objectives so I’m not counting him). The only thing they had in common was their social standing, so you feel like it was deliberately constructed not to be a gender or race issue, but specifically a class one.

Even if you exclude the hero and villain’s plots, most storylines during season 1 had a relation to class in one way or another. The Savior? Fed up with the gangbangers in the Glades and the executives who let them run around free. The Huntress? Couldn’t stand her father oppressing the poor anymore. Ted Gaynor? Resentful over having to babysit rich kids. Firefly? He was created during the Nodell Tower fire, a tragedy that only occurred because the construction company that built it used substandard material to save a few bucks. Etc. Every single one of these storylines served to flesh out Starling City and its citizens a bit more.

Season 1’s most iconic quote is probably “You have failed this city” - the vigilante’s tagline. These words are directly related to the class issue, and what made them powerful was how thoroughly the writers set up the city’s social background, how full of life they made Starling feel.

The current situation

Since season 1 was, well, the first season, it was its responsibility to set up solid foundations for the show, notably a believable world. A city in which the show could grow into something more. I think it did a good job, but the seasons that followed didn’t really respect that work with the exception of season 2.

The class issue was dropped somewhere after the first third of season 2, which was busy trying to introduce more comic-booky elements. Season 3 and on didn’t pick it up again. I feel like season 3 was trying to do something worldbuilding-wise w/ the League of Assassins, but failed miserably (they succeeded in destroying one of DC’s most legendary mythos that’s all, and I’m very bitter about it).

So what does Star City look like today? IMHO: boring. You’d think Oliver being Mayor would mean it gets more development, but it’s more bland and empty and dead than ever.

In terms of point of views in season 5 and 6, mostly all we get is Team Arrow in the Arrow Cave and Team Arrow in the Mayor’s Office. They killed, wrote off the show, or forgot about most of the characters that added layers and diversity to the city. Apart from the masks and their allies, mostly all we have now are some villainous POV here and there, most of them not even originally from the city but just coming around to cause mayhem for some reason (I do think the character of Susan Williams was a welcome break for that reason, but she wasn’t particularly well-received). I don’t even know how the city looks like anymore, empty warehouses is all I can see in my head.

It’s actually a joke how the background of the characters, wrt the totally dropped class issue, simply doesn’t matter now. We were left wondering where Oliver, the main character, lived for an entire season. Most of Team Arrow doesn’t have a job, and it’s only recently been addressed. Curtis, well-off genius who used to hold a good job in a giant tech company, can say stuff like “as a black man I’m 80% more likely to get shot than you” (/paraphrased) to Rene, poor latino guy from the Glades who has actually been a victim of random gun violence and used to be a marine - because the history of these characters barely matters anymore, it’s just superficial.

In terms of believability, all the work season 1 put into making it all seem grounded has been thrown out the window. Revolutionary tech is invented on the fly in a matter of minutes. Felicity can hack into anything in a matter of seconds - her and Curtis basically have God-like powers, I swear. I still don’t understand how Oliver manages to be the Mayor and also moonlight as the Green Arrow. Also he’s good at being the Mayor and Thea was an awesome Chief of Staff despite them having zero credentials in politics because our heroes can now be absolutely anything they want if the plot demands it (or just if it pleases the writers). He can pass magical bills on controversial issues that everyone is happy with because Star City is now just a bland simple-minded mass. The Arrow cave is more technology advanced than the NASA and honestly, since they don’t kill and only go after common criminals, I don’t even know why they haven’t simply joined the law enforcement - as a special unit or something, Marvel style. The whole vigilante thing seem pointless at this point, just another hurdle.

(I mean, for real, last episode, Dinah, instead of confronting Vigilante in her capacity as a cop, had to go put on her costume first - that I have no idea where she hid since FBI lady was snooping around. Seems inconvenient and a giant loss of time when people’s lives are at stakes, yk?)

Tobias Church can just show up and take control of Star City’s organized crime (which, btw, I’m surprised to see is even still around) in a matter of… what was it? Two weeks? Which completely undermines these guys, in addition to being unrealistic. It’s another thing that makes the citizens of Star City look stupid or useless, just like the fact people haven’t figured out Oliver and his little gang are the vigilantes makes them look stupid. The writers destroyed any credibility the city had as a whole.

So, yeah, the world of Arrow’s latter seasons is a senseless one, and Star City feels like it has lost its soul.

This is all my humble opinion. Thoughts?

[words-writ-in-starlight]

you know what also pissed me off about supernatural, though? the inability to commit to their own worldbuilding. even while clinging to a static paradigm, where The Masquerade is in full effect, they couldn't be consistent about what sort of underground magic communities do and don't exist. I know this can be blamed on multiple writers and all, but it drives me up the wall. f.ex. witches are All Evil and tend to work alone, until that episode with the familiars when you find a bunch of nice(r)

witches who go to witchbars and hardly ever poison each other’s drinks, oh and also familiars are athing. a while later spike and cordelia are witches who’ve had a tempestuousrelationship for… centuries I think, aka witches can live for a really longtime, so there’s no way the bigger/older ones don't all know each other. thereought to be SOME sort of witch ‘society’, even if it’s just loosecommunication. but no, after this you never hear of witches ever again, muchless familiars or witch

bars. then you’ve gotBela, who caters to rich people who know magical artifacts exist, but there’sno exploration of what that could MEAN – if Bela can hold down a job, thenenough of the country’s elite own and exploit magic stuff that it could –SHOULD – have at least some effect on US politics, as in who gets power.there’s never a whisper of that, but okay, this isn’t exactly the winchesterboys’ social scene. but failing that, some of these magic-obsessed rich peopleshould turn up for a

few episodes, eitherhaunted or else guilty of inflicting a monster-of-the-week on someone. heck,one of them could be a recurring vaguely-helpful character that the boys stopby and menace a bit whenever they need access to some excessively obscureartifact. you already mentioned the mess of all those Alpha Monsters who werepowerful and unkillable and stuff, and had their own dread agendas withpotentially far-reaching consequences for their respective species, and thenjust… vanished. I don’t

even remember how. andthen there’s the hunter community, which is the most inconsistent of all. firstit’s just these two and their dad, and then they start finding out their dad’sold friends were all actually hunters or oracles or whatever. so far so good;these are just Mysteries Of Our Father’s Past, and valid character/plotdevelopment stuff. but there’s Bobby, who Knows Everyone, and Ellen, whose barevery hunter in the country frequents sooner or later, and this means huntersknow each

other, know about eachother, they have a network of communication and they share intel, gossip, tradesecrets. but the moment the bar blows up there’s just no network, noconnection, nothing at all binding hunters together, even though Bobby stillknows everyone and Ellen and Jo are still around and plenty able to found a newbar if they wanted to, or at least keep in touch with at least half of thepeople who used to swing by their bar. oh and also the demons! they talk aboutcomplex politics

happening in Hell, theyhave some sort of prophesied demon queen who takes the body of a young girl andhas glowing white eyes (I don’t even remember what happened to her), they havedemon religion and spirituality to the point where Lucifer is basically DemonJesus – I’m pretty sure this is explicitly stated, Lucifer is to the demonswhat Jesus is to really devout Christians, semi-mythical status and prophesiedsecond coming and everything – and the show makes an effort to flesh out itsdemonic

characters, give thempersonality and desires and drives, and it shows distinct differences in howdifferent demons feel about humanity, and about what they do, and all that. yetdespite all this, the only demon we meet who doesn’t immediately try to murderthe boys is Ruby. no one tries to bargain honestly with the boys, no one butCrowley tries to aim the boys at their own enemies, no one begs for mercy orlies about repentance. nothing. can you imagine if those demons who told Sam totake up

his antichrist mantleand lead a demon army decided that, since their Chosen One was unwilling, theyought to convince him? what if a bunch of demons had started discreetly tailingthe boys, showing up sometimes to rescue them from really bad fights or offerup dead monsters like housecats offering dead birds? ‘hey chosen one, we caughtyou this demon who’s high up in Crowley’s hierarchy, do you want to torture himfor information yourself or do you want us to do it?’ they solemnly swear that

that they’ve stoppedkilling humans, they keep quietly growing in number, and they always scrambefore the boys are conscious enough to kill them properly. sam and dean havemany arguments about whether they were REALLY too concussed to stab theirlatest demonic rescuer and get absurdly angsty and argumentative about it. Iknow my rant has gotten pretty thoroughly disorganized and this is moving backinto must-have-a-static-paradigm territory, but I am a little bitter.

THIS IS ALSO SUCH A GOOD POINT there is just so much to be bitter about with this show, like, good god, you’d think that sooner or later they’d run out of basic narrative rules to fuck up.

Speaking of rules, I think this is a manifestation of one of Supernatural’s wider problems, which is that they just DO NOT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THE RULES OF THEIR OWN UNIVERSE.  Like, all they’ve REALLY nailed down is that demons can be exorcised, but anything that isn’t a demon is pretty much at the mercy of the plot for A) how powerful it is, B) how hard to kill it is, and C) how ‘human’ it’s considered.  Like, everything from werewolves to wendigos are stated to be at least PART human, but basically their ‘humanness’ and subsequently the amount of sympathy accorded to them is predicated on how benign (or how attractive) they look in their human form.  The magic of this universe is wildly unpredictable--the Winchesters sometimes do/dabble in magic themselves, but we never really learn how magic works.  Does it require a focus?  Does it require badly-pronounced Latin?  Is it an expression of the user’s willpower?  Is it similar to what demons do (implied when All Witches Are Wicked for the first few seasons) or not?  Does it require natural talent or can anyone learn it?  THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS THAT ARE TOTALLY IGNORED.  THEN there’s the question of societies in this supernatural underworld.  Like, I think I’ve expressed in my John Wick comments how much I like functional underworld societies with rules and systems, but honestly it’s CRITICALLY necessary if you’re doing what SPN does and having the society Matter.  I cringe every time I think about how clumsy and slapdash the hunting community was in Supernatural, because it had SO MUCH POTENTIAL, don’t talk to me about it, I made it work better when I wrote my spite novel.  I’m sure I can think of fifty million more incomplete universe rules, but I can honestly feel my blood pressure rising right now so I’m going to stop.

OH MY GOD GUYS, please, if you’re a writer, let me beg you right now in person to figure out the rules of your universe and then commit.  Here are some pointers.

Magic should work in a conceptually similar way to gravity: its rules should be consistent and should be able to be broadly extrapolated from the general effect, and if you’re going to BREAK those rules you’ve got to have a damn fine reason.  

The sliding scale of ‘humannness’ should...slide less, to be completely honest, work your shit the fuck out EARLY or make working your shit the fuck out a plot point (please see Stormdancer for a good example).  

If you’re dealing with questions of what makes someone human (@SPN FOR LIKE FOUR FUCKING SEASONS) then you should actively question like “Hey, my dude, can we morally kill this person for something they have no control over” unless your character took the trait ‘Callous’ somewhere in their history (which is also fine).

If you have an underworld society--or any society tbh???--WORK YOUR SHIT OUT.  How do they work together (ex: hunters pretending to be ‘the boss’ when someone calls the number on that fake business card)?  How do they support each other (ex: safehouses? maybe? this is never discussed in SPN? and I hate it?)?  What are the things people differ on (ex: whether or not to murder the Winchesters, which, like, I know you’re supposed to be against that because they’re the protagonists, but by the time I bailed I def wanted someone to shoot them)?  Is there an assumption of free exchange of favors or is there a strict financial/bargaining system?   How much does one person vouching for another matter in the community?  ANSWER SOME BASIC QUESTIONS FFS

Finally, most crucially, for the love of all that is good, Pick A Plot.  One plot.  It can have subplots (example: an overarching plot broken up by smaller missions, a la your average TV show) or multiple acts (as in a play, where you’ve got a couple major pieces that assemble into the main plot, like Much Ado where you’ve got (roughly) the matchmaking, the wedding, the vengeance, and the resolution), but it should be One Plot and you need to tie up those motherfucking loose ends.

This has been “Hey look turns out that 6K later I have Even More Complaints about Supernatural” with Moran.

[landy-amor]

1

Let’s start on a lighter note. My name is big and bold on the top of the page, so those who know me will probably know of whoever I decide to talk about. Even so, I will not post names. Outside of that, I will be as honest as possible.

Lighter note = what I now call “my worst heartbreak”.

Disclaimer* (just to not sound like an ardida): I have talked things out with one of the people involved in this tragedy. This helped a lot with putting my heart and mind at ease. My feelings toward the other person have eased up, and although it was indeed an awful experience, I am not angry anymore. I am using this blog as an outlet and sharing my personal experiences with no intent to harm anyone. If anyone who thinks I am talking about them feels like I am not being honest, you are more than welcome to share your side of the story.

Let’s take a step back to ~2004, my third grade math class. I don’t quite remember how I first met this person. I only know my first memory of us. I had a book that I was loving. For whatever reason, this person (which I’ll refer to as A) had my book at a moment she was not supposed to. Therefore, our math teacher took it away and said something about asking for it back after class. I got my book back or whatever. Fast forward to my next memory being fifth grade. I was an elementary kid beginning my lust for boys. Of course, I’ve only had two boyfriends in my entire life, and anyone who says otherwise is a psycho /.\ So in fifth grade, A mentioned her liking this boy. I don’t know if she ever told him, but I feel like she probably did not. During the end of the year festivities, someone told me that same boy liked me and was going to ask me out. {This is the earliest I remember that after hearing a boy likes me, I magically like them back.} So yeah, I liked that same boy A said she liked.

Blah blah, fast forward to ¡middle school! This is when A and I really began to grow close imo. Sixth grade, we joined drama club and band. Drama club was after school, and I was only able to join because she could be my ride home. Looking back, this is when I first connected my ability to participate in things with her desire to. Drama club helped me a lot with my shyness. At least I’d like to think so. We were able to learn improv and experience school plays. I believe this is when we began to hang out outside of school. I might be remembering wrong, but I think I would go over to her house most of the time. She went to mine at the time maybe a couple of times because I lived with my aunts and uncles in a trailer too small for so many people. Anyway, we grew very close over Just Dance on her wii, calls to Cody Simpson’s fan voicemail, and talking about whoever I liked at the time. This went on for 2 years until I moved and entered eighth grade at a different school. The summer I moved, my biggest concern was whether or not we would see each other as often. I knew our friendship could never end. I moved only like 10 minutes away, but A did not really visit. Instead, the other main person of this story visited and grew closer to me. She will be referred to as B.

B and I met in sixth grade. We were in the same social studies class. I don’t remember how we began talking, but Facebook probably had a lot to do with it. The summer that I moved, B came over a lot. We bonded over crazy singing and joking around in my room making videos to post of Facebook. We had a sort of awkward but goofy friendship. It slowly but surely kept growing since that summer.

That year felt like it would be tough. Adjusting to a new school where I would be with people I had heard of but hadn’t met before sounded awful. Being away from my bestest friend sounded worse. I even started making video diaries for A, but they didn’t really get a response. Or the response I was looking for. I don’t remember how many times A and I actually hung out during that year, but we definitely grew a little apart.

HIGH SCHOOL STARTED. I don’t remember much about nineth grade other than I continued to be a nerd with no breaks. Keep in mind, all these years I went around meeting people and telling them about my bff A. OH YEAH my quinceañera! So before high school began, I was supposed to move to Mexico, and we were not going to plan my quinces until we got there. However, my mom changed her mind after Obama announced DACA (which has had a huge impact & deserves its own post). A and I were hoping we’d go to the same magnet high school, but because I was not planning on starting high school here anymore, I did not apply to magnet. Anyway, preparations for my quinces began. I would like to think I kept her in the loop on everything because her opinion meant so much to me. Sadly, I barely knew anything about hers. I was just asked to be a madrina, and I showed up. For mine, she was my dama and all that. I’m not sure if the differences in involvement were because we had just grown apart for a year prior. A big moment I remember was on my quinceañera day, I felt like she wasn’t very present. I never knew if anything had actually happened with her that day.

After nineth grade, I moved close to my high school. Here, I lived with only my mom and sisters. These next few years were full of sleep overs, movies, late night stalking, talks about boys I liked, the usual. Me me me. This is a big question mark for me. Why was it always about my stuff? Did I talk a lot? Was I too self-absorbed?? Or did she just not want to talk about herself??? During these same years, B also joined into our friendship and became my second BFF.

Let’s break down our friendship dynamic now. A, B and I were bffs. I was closest to A though. And somehow, I felt like A and B were closer than B and I. A also had another super bff that was just a friend to B and I. A also had another close friend who B and I were also friends with. This friendship dynamic got confusing various times for me. It also made me very self conscious of my friendship with A because I felt like she was my main bff while she had several. I felt disposable many times.

I would say senior year of high school was the best year of our lives together. A, B and I ruled the world. I trusted them with absolutely everything. My mom and sisters had also grown a loving and trusting relationship with both of them. Although this last year of high school was our best because we could drive and go out more, there were various times where I didn’t know what was going on in A’s life. Although I told A and B literally everything to do with me, it was hard to hear news from A. The last two years of HS, she was involved in extracurriculars that kept her busy and cut our hanging out time, which is fine. I’ve had a problem with expecting the same effort from others as I make with them. Senior year, I was a part of a lot of clubs, and I even invited A and B to join one at my school to increase our time together. Anyway, senior year was going by, and we had many great times together. I met my bb, broke up, met another boy who everyone in my new club-family liked, didn’t work out, began to build my current relationship, and A and B walked every step with me.

During this same year, A and I worked together. Towards the end of the school year, we took a trip with this job. A and I roomed with 2 other girls who we loved. However, A and I were supposed to be this pair of bffs who were the closest ever. Sadly, I felt avoided this whole trip. This wasn’t anything new, though. I experienced this same feeling with A several times before: when I went out of town with her family and on a middle school band trip. I don’t know how to describe the feeling other than avoidant and absent.

Continuing, the end of senior year was approaching. Prom came, and with it, came its own mess. That mess I will keep private. Regardless, it was a mess not very noticeable, and we all had a blast. College visits also came, and A, B and I went together to the one we’d be attending together that fall. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out this way. Graduations came, and we each had separate ones. I wasn’t able to see A’s because I was in line to walk onto the field while she was walking. B saw her walk, and A and B rushed over to mine right after (which I’m deeply grateful for). The next day, A and I watched B graduate. High school had ended.

The summer after high school graduation was the beginning of the end. A was again very distant and hard to reach. Right after graduation, I moved once again. This time, I moved about 4 streets, ~2 minute drive from A. However, no help was offered from either A or B. No visiting was suggested right after we had settled in. I hadn’t seen A in a while, until one day, A and her sister were visiting my neighbor. Yes, the person right next door to me. Apparently, I was one house too far from visiting potential. Through out that summer, B and I tried getting all 3 of us to hang out several times. A was unavailable. She was mysteriously free to hang out with B whenever I couldn’t or just did not mention it to me. AGAIN, this is my experience. I did run it all through B, and not many changes were pointed out. As I mentioned, the 3 of us were unable to start college together that fall. I began school terrified and anxious because I didn’t have the two people I counted on to explore this new territory. Of course I wanted to see them as soon as I could whenever I could during that start of the semester. Sadly, it didn’t go that way. I felt alone. I felt disappointed. I felt hurt. So yes, I broke up with A. We didn’t communicate as much. We never saw each other. And I felt like I was the only one trying. I didn’t want to carry us anymore. Then, I broke up with B because she didn’t see anything wrong with what was going on. (I can now say this one was a bad reason to leave someone.)

For the next year, I questioned my decisions daily. I regretted them several times. I reached out once or twice when I didn’t feel okay. (No help really came from it.) I had trust issues for a year, really bad trust issues. I couldn’t connect with anyone new. I didn’t know how to make a new friend or try to make a new best friend. I vented in the middle of the lunch area to two guys who thought I was crazy. “Why can’t you just knock on her door and confront her?” one said. Hello??? Do you not know girls? I talked things out with my first close buddy who helped me trust again whether she knew it or not. I healed slowly. Then, I found out things I did not know existed about A. These I will also keep private, but my point is, I did not know A like I thought I did for so many years.

The questions I was leading up to are here now: were we doomed from the start? I mean from when I liked the same guy she said she liked. Were the signs there all along? like when she was distant. Was it my fault for making our friendship all about me? Or was it her fault for not bringing herself into our friendship? Was it no one’s fault but miscommunication?

What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? I asked myself this over and over many times when we first broke up. Why did she not try anymore? This was the W O R S T heartbreak I had ever felt. Now it made sense.

I have heard other people’s theories on why things happened. I will not know the why or the who. However, I did take some good things out of this heartbreak.

independence: I learnt how to try things because I wanted to, not because A also wanted to.

renewed trust: I let new people into my heart. I made new close friends I don’t think I would have if my bowl of friendship was filled by mostly one person.

discovery: I opened my eyes to what I already had around me. My first best friend, my first jump to begin a friendship, my first bold friend. All three became my new best friends. My true friends. My honest friends. My adulting friends. My life partners.

love: I may have gotten to this without this experience, but it would have taken me a lot longer. I used to be a “friends are more valuable than boyfriends” gal. Now, I’m a “who has been more valuable to me” gal. During this break up, I leaned on my boyfriend a loooot. He became my best friend quickly. Because of that, I found my true feelings for him much easier.

What a rollercoaster. And that was only one topic....

[callonb]

GYBurst of Inspiration/Motivation

Where does inspiration come from? - Snacks I recorded a song with Samuel Hawkins recently and that was the first line of his verse. Lately thats been on my mind more and more. Where does my inspiration come from and why cant I always bask in its motivational energies? Seems that my drive comes and goes with the moon phases or as planets enter and leave our orbit. Could be the skys dictating my moods and movements (which i think it does have an effect) or it could be the mass amount of coffee and tea i drink a day. Definitely important factors but not quite the source. My mom definitely motivates me, she believes in everything Im doing and helps every way that she can. Its not financially but sometimes emotional support is more important. Shouts out to Momma B you the realist. Same for my homies and not homies as in people i force myself to be around, cuz having friends is what you do. Actual family that i grew up with and have developed a relationship with, the GYB family. The ones who sat me down years ago and was like dude...... you need to take this rap shit seriously. The ones who are now getting more and more involved with the movement every day, pushing everything to the side and riding along with my dream and making them their own. Everyday the homies are pushing to help me create this vision for you guys as they've adopted it as their own. Like minds on the prize, Shouts out the Layer homies. That only seems to be half of it tho, and Ive never felt this type of fire burning inside me before so what is it? Magazine drama and BS doesn't motivate me, Music doesn't seem to hit me the same way anymore. I used to listen to music constantly, new rap definitely doesn't do it for me.....makes me feel lower. New tv shows dont do it for me im bored with most of the popular shows out. Same for games or just typical activities that people partake in. Partys, drugs, random hook ups...It all seems so blah to me and im completely uninterested. I learned I have to stop feeding my lower self and focus on my higher self and what that part of my being truly wants and thats to CREATE!!! Whenever im around an environment that drives me to create and push myself i perform better. So i guess i just realized what really inspires me, and thats a creative environment. Who is responsible for this? Well I saw the Rotunda Project last weekend at Maiden Alley, a collaborative piece by Fairseas. The Fairseas are a group of musicians named Jeran Simmons, Bobby Dowell, Codie Franklin and Shanden Simmons. I watched them plant this seed years ago and now its a giant tree that you can sit back and marvel in its greatness. The main theme of the film was collaborating with your community. I cant lie ive had many many thoughts of leaving my community to collaborate elsewhere but ive came to a realization recently that it isnt necessary. To my surprise and probably a lot of people around here, there is a bubbling hip hop scene around here that is about to explode. Ive started to invest my time and efforts into this scene now and received nothing but results. Shanden has been a major influence in my artistry because he is always honest, encouraging and persistent....three very important characteristics to have in a creative environment and on top of that has become one of what i would consider my best friends. I look at him as one of my GYBrothers. On to the hip hop scene around here tho..... mysterious person named "A" aka the Hollow Man and he is one of the most promising producers/writers around. His solo stuff is outstanding and the collaboration effort we are working on "A & B: The Empire" is next level. Its been well over a year in the making and will shock most people when they hear the new styles i bring to the tape compared to my previous work. A always challenges me to be very intelligent when I piece together my verses and I like that. He makes me want to grab a dictionary and start reading so I can match his extensive vocabulary.....and maybe I have done that lol. Im the ONLY artist that the mystery man works with at the moment and that hits me now in a way it never has before. Like why me, do I really have something in my music that would make this beyond talented artist spend his time and efforts to make beats for us to collab on and want to include me in everything he does? His beats are above any producer Ive ever heard even in the big leagues of the rap game its crazy but he will prolly have his own GYBlog entry about him eventually. I have to move on before i make this to long lol. Next is JSkrilla, I have met the Skrilla a few times in passing but i dont think we realized what each other really could offer the other. Until i ran into him at the damn ROTUNDA PROJECT.....back around full circle. After that we decided to get together. We showed each other some of our music. I didnt know he made dope beats as well as spit hot fucking fire but he does. We shared our philosophies for our craft and talked hip hop and all sorts of other randomness. Then we picked a beat and wrote a song on the spot. Bar for bar back and forth. J stressed to me it had been a LONG time since he had been able to just sit down and write with another emcee that wasnt intimidated by his ability to write on the spot, or to match his caliber of wordplay and rhyme schemes. To both mine and his delight I delivered. Skrilla really challenged me tho, most artist get so caught up in the main stream BS or conforming to certain concepts and topics in their verses that it had been a while since I had felt pressure when writing to make sure my bars are up to par. Felt good to feel that energy again i had been missing the want to become better and that leads me to the main cause of my motivation and my improvments or just overall attitude change whatever you want to call it. the TRYBE!!!! Snacks, B. James, and Waun D. are the Cerberus of this rap shit. I have a lot to owe to them. GYB and Trybe share the same values as far as what we hope to contribute to the culture of arts and musics and how we hope to impact the hip hop community as well as the communities we all live in. I have done one show with them and have multiple other ones lined up with them. As a matter a fact i cant see myself doing a show with anyone but them from here on out. Once again them as well as JSkrilla could have their own full length blog entry but i digress for the sake of your attention lol. The Trybe challenges me to be a better emcee by making me freestyle. Which if you have been around me doing music ive never been a good freestyler.....UNTIL NOW!!! They have cracked that shell and brought me out of it. Making me partake in their cyphers everytime we get together. Soon Ill be as smooth off the top as i am with the writtens then its over for everyone! Sharpening my skills is not something that other rappers really push you to do. Rap is very competitive and braggadocios so pushing someone to improve and possible be better than you is unheard of. The Trybe doesnt see it that way though, they want us all to grow together. With a shared love for hip hop and me and Snacks shared love for Anime we can talk for hours and hours before we realize we havent done any music lol. Everytime I hear a new Trybe song i feel my artistry being challenged. The message in their music makes me want to really focus on the concepts i present in my music and start challenging my self to pretty much step my game up. Between Skrilla, "A", and TrYbe, everything new I hear makes me question my latest bars which is exactly what I need. Hip Hop is my life and my love and above any amount of money i can potentially make off this art is the desire to be the best emcee to ever grab a mic and thats the same mindset i had when i originally picked up the pen and decided i would be a rapper. Before i saw 8 mile and realized that being a white rapper wasnt necessarily accepted, before all the laughs, all the hate and just general shade i received for my dreams. Being white in this game is a roadblock but for the first time these guys made me realize that i have overcame that hurdle 100 times over. I had a long talk with the Trybe last night and they gave me a boost of confidence that finally fully ignited that fire i had lit but tried to conceal. Im no longer worried about what is cool or what people want. I just want to create and you will more than likely like it because I do have skills that i myself had been sleeping on. I hear these artist like A, Skrilla, and Trybe and i felt underneath them but now i see my self as an equal. We all have different things we bring to the table that compliment each other and its time to put it all together and make it happen. Plus we all just fucking dope and there is no denying. This is my new goal. No more time wasted on what i "think" is the right move. Im going to follow what i KNOW to be the right path and follow my heart. Thats challenging myself with these artist and like minded individuals to always be better. Also as Snacks has said before "move at LIGHT SPEED" thats just what Ill do with my light brothers here. We like some damn warriors of this rap shit waging war against a evil corrupt entity but thats also for a whole separate entry lol But no war of this caliber is complete without a general so shoutout to SirDuke. Ive also recently became friends with this crazy dude and he has shown me in just the short time ive known him more love and support than some people ive known my whole life. He also inspires me because he has dedicated his life to serve and protect (literally) and most importantly LEAD. He has an army of pretty much every hood and every rapper in each of them just waiting for his call. and he is not leading them astray, Shoutout the Kollektiv. Duke is also a talented singer and emcee. He has a show with me tomorrow at the Hangover in Murray MAKE SURE YOU COME TO THAT AND SEE MY NEW ALBUM CONSCIOUS TRAP PERFORMED LIVE starting at 9pm. but yeah Duke is dope and I can appreciate his leadership skills and what he hopes to accomplish in his community by cleaning it up through music. He is rubbing off on my and motivating me to hold that same position with my Layer army of GYB homies ive assembled. Most of them are clueless about the industry and music so its up to me to guide and lead them so they can be their own selves and make it in this world without the middle man down your neck. Im going to wrap this up because it ended up being way longer than i intended but i wanted to also say to my fellow collaborators and friends above all. Wolf, Golden Wrist Banks, Trevell, Dope, Simple, Benji and Angel Mascato. You guys have MAD SKILLS. You guys inspire me too because I hear something different in your music than i hear from most. I want you all to continue to grow and expand your creativity to new levels. Tell YOUR story. The same story is constantly told but how will you tell YOURS in the true challenge. So i encourage you guys like i have been recently, step outside of the norm and do what you truly feel in your heart that you need to, fuck what everyone else wants from you just create the way you feel appropriate. A lot of you are working with Duke regularly and I think he will tell you the same thing I am now. Even if its certain people in your lives holding you back, they gotta go. Surround yourself with positive people that want to grow with you instead of out grow you and you will see the same results. Probably why you guys were all on my latest album, except Trevell im sorry and you should have been but you know the deal homie its all love. Frank.....dammit man just rap lol but anyways ill end it on this note. Getting in touch with that child like mind state and that pureness of love in my heart again. Losing all my intentions to want to be better and out do someone but rather COLLABORATE with like minds in my community has already in return pushed me forward in a lot of ways. Seems almost as if they had been waiting on me this whole time. Its certain that my actions are now speaking louder than my words and everyone is starting to catch on. including myself finally. If you read this far thank you and I love you. Youre more than likely part of the reason why i typed this or why i even continue to do what i do. I trust you guys just as much as you trust ill deliver. Have a great day, maybe you can draw inspiration from this or some of the same people or things that i do! So put down that magazine full of empty content and read something meaningful that you are interested in, turn off the news and watch some anime, stop playing shooter games and play final fantasy, stop eating out and prepare your own meals, dont listen to music just play instrumentals and freestlye every day or just make your own, quit scrolling on facebook and take a stroll around the block, only spend time with those that help you grow rather than keep you low. So much inspiration out there sometimes we just have to break away from what we are used to in order to pull from the experience. Now im really done. and excuse my poor grammer and probably a shit load of spelling errors. That wont ever change, these blog post are run on sentences of my thoughts that pass through my head every day. Sometimes i just take the time to jot them out as they pass. PEACE LOVE AND GYB!!

[lafaiette]

Under Stars

I feel like there were some scenes missing in the game, such as Ryder talking about their LI to their sibling or even introducing them to each other. So the first fic of this series is about the latter! More will come later.

The title comes from the awesome ending song of the game, "Under Stars" by AURORA.

Also on AO3

In which Jaal meets Scott Ryder, brother of his Darling One, still trapped in his comatose state.

“Would you like to meet my brother?”

She asks the question with hope mixed to anxiety, as if she almost expects him to say no.

What Jaal feels is incredible joy, followed by gratefulness. He feels flattered, honored, and hurries to tell her so, grabbing her hand and placing it against his chest, holding it there.

“My Darling One!” His eyes shine with enthusiasm and he gives her a loud, full kiss that leaves her cheeks adorably red.

Then he remembers Scott’s actual conditions and he calms down a bit, asking softly: “How is he?”

“Harry said he is recovering quickly, but he still needs time.” Ryder – Chloe, Jaal corrects himself – looks down, sadness replacing the relief and happiness that appeared in her eyes when Jaal accepted her offer.

He makes a low sound and rests his forehead on hers, smiling when she looks up at him again and smiles back.

“If he is as strong and stubborn as you, he will awaken in no time.” he says and that causes her to chuckle and nod.

Her sadness goes away and Jaal breathes better. He doesn’t like seeing her sad; only joy and smiles should be on his Darling One’s lovely face.

“You were able to talk to him thanks to SAM, last time.” he recalls as he puts on his Rofjinn that he neatly folded and left on her bed.

“Yes, but it still took a toll on him.” she explains, busy with her shoes that she refuses to wear when she is in her quarters, far from responsibilities and vidcalls. She stops, looking at his Rofjinn, then giggles and helps him smooth a corner of it and buckle the last clasps.

Jaal’s cheeks grow hotter at that and Chloe knows him well enough now to see when he’s blushing; she smiles smugly at him, presses a playful peck on the scar on his face and continues placidly, pretending to ignore the fire in his eyes and his own smile: “I’d like to hear his voice again and introduce you to him in a better way, but Harry and SAM said we shouldn’t use our implants to communicate again.”

“That would be the most advisable course of action, Chloe.” SAM confirms and Jaal could swear there is a hint of sorrow in his modulated voice. “Scott is still weak and interacting with the outside world, even via implants, would be a strenuous activity for his body.”

“It is alright. Even if he cannot hear me, I will never stop telling him how wonderful and special his sister is.”

He cradles her face in his large hands and rubs his thumbs on her cheeks, watching as her previous playfulness turns into that sweet, delicate look she has only for him, her eyes – so full of love - brighter than the stars shining over Havarl, richer than the deep waters of Aya, more beautiful than anything Jaal ever saw in his war-filled life.

“I… I told him about us, although he still couldn’t hear me then.” she admits, resting her hands on his chest, right where his heart is. “And then I thought you should really meet him, since you are now part of the Ryder family too.” She grins at him, remembering what they consider it to be their first date, the visit to his family house.

“You introduced me to your family, after all! It’s only fair I do the same with mine.” She smirks and glances affectionately at where SAM’s holographic figure is. “Although you already met one of its members.”

A short pause, then SAM replies: “Thank you, Chloe.”

Jaal didn’t know AI could sound so emotional.

Again, he is overwhelmed by that great feeling of gratification and love that she provokes in him; the fact that she wants him to meet the only (human) member of her family left, the most precious thread to her old home that she has, leaves him unable to speak and think coherently.

It’s such a big honor that he doesn’t quite know how to react, so he follows the angaran way: a wide, bright smile and a tight hug followed by a kiss, so loud and wet that Chloe giggles through it and later comments that probably everyone on the Tempest heard them.

She doesn’t look bothered by it. On the contrary, she is more open than ever now and she calls him “sweetheart”, “love”, and “darling” in front of everyone just as much as he does, even when they are on the Nexus.

He knows it’s a great deal for humans, to be so open with their emotions and relationships in public.

To be honest, it seems it’s a big deal for all the aliens coming from the Milky Way, especially turians and salarians, who often look at him and Chloe with surprise, mixed to confusion and sometimes annoyance, every time they walk through the Nexus hand in hand.

Or perhaps it’s simply because of him: he is the alien, according to them, so it must be strange to see him and a fellow human from their same galaxy stroll around while sharing sweet stares and kisses.

But he isn’t ashamed of their relationship – he would announce it through the comms of the Initiative base if he could - and he is incredibly relieved that she isn’t either. It fills his heart with a sensation akin to bliss, a flutter of suns that burn in him whenever she kisses his cheek or squeeze his hand or calls him “love”.

When he is with her, it’s like he is standing under the stars, a veil of light and sparkles that covers him like a mantle, a warm blanket of space dust, and nothing bad can ever come from that: only love and joy and peace, a gift from the stars themselves, a reminder that not all arrivals are bad, that beyond the endless vastness of the sky there are also kindness, beauty, and wisdom.

A new home, he thinks as the Tempest softly lands on the docking bay of the Nexus and Kallo and Suvi wave at them as they head out.

Chloe is nervous and she readily tells him so: not because he is finally going to see her brother – even if he is in a comatose state -, but because that’s exactly what the problem is. His comatose state, that deep, medically induced sleep that prevents him from sharing her experiences, traveling with them on the Tempest, living his life as he dreamed to do before the departure from the Milky Way.

SAM, calm and collected as always, offers reassurance about Scott’s conditions and Jaal gets the impression that happens fairly often; he frowns, ashamed he didn’t see the signs before, and offers comfort in his own way, holding tightly her hand and sending light electricals impulses through her skin.

Chloe snorts, ticklish, and elbows him, but never lets his hand go.

“He is going to wake up soon.” Jaal promises her, even though he isn’t a doctor, even though he doesn’t actually know the details about Scott’s conditions. But he stills feels it is true, he believes it, and Chloe does too.

SAM agrees as well and Jaal is sure to hear gratefulness in his tone as the AI says: “Mr. Ama Darav is right. There is no need to worry.”

He wonders for a moment what role SAM fills in this little family – uncle? Cousin? Brother? -, then Chloe steals all his attention with her words, touch, and voice.

They don’t let anyone take this moment from them. They know she will have to go talk with Tann and the others soon, that there are many people she needs to meet, many duties and tasks she needs to perform.

He feels guilty: he wants to take off some of that weight from her shoulders, but he is not a Pathfinder, he is not even human or part of the Initiative. He can only be there to support her, give her advice, be sure she is safe from any danger, eats, drinks, rests, and has fun.

“Jaal, that is already too much.” she told him once, after he talked to her about this.

“How could it be, my love?” he replied and he knew his guilt and sorrow were transparent on his face, because she sighed fondly and stroked his cheek – the scarred one -, saying: “Jaal. You help me immensely just by being here with me.”

“I will always be with you.”

Another promise he knows will come true and she knew that too, because she blushed, smiled, and cuddled into his arms.

That memory causes a mild electromagnetic surge in his body and she feels it through her hand; she squeals and he gasps, horrified, but before he can apologize and check her hand for any wound or burn, she starts laughing and kisses him, arms wrapped around his neck.

They are on the tram, on their way to the Cryo Bay, alone: Jaal wraps his arms around her, feels the soft, but toned skin under her shirt, and the curious bumps on her chest – Liam told him they are called breasts – are pressed against him.

Their kisses are always sweet, sometimes languid, often deep with a lot of tongue, but there is a certain innocence to them that is born out of their inexperience: he only ever got and gave one kiss, so long ago, and Chloe never even did that, at least until they kissed in his room.

When he learned that was her first kiss, he apologized for half an hour straight, cursing himself for choosing such a bland, silly, embarrassing place and way to ask her to be together.

“It should have been more poetic.” he lamented, mortified, almost on the verge of tears, but Chloe hugged him and held him, saying softly, the stars outside the Tempest reflected in her beautiful, alien eyes: “It was. What’s more poetic than becoming part of your boyfriend’s past and family?”

This kiss in the tram isn’t much different from the many others they shared before, but Jaal realizes they are reaching that stage of a relationship where things can only go two different ways: either remain as they are or proceed further, into that mysterious territory where bodies meet and souls are laid bare as well.

He still hasn’t gotten the courage to ask her what she would like to do – no matter what she chooses, he would be immensely happy all the same.

But should she be happy and willing to become one with him physically too, he would need to be prepared, know everything about the human body, to avoid her any discomfort and pain.

He believes she would like to enter such a stage with him, if the way she kisses him and touches him is anything to go by, but he doesn’t dare assume, so he will wait until he has gathered more courage to ask her and the moment is right.

Making out – that’s how humans call it – in a tram heading to the Cryo Bay where his brother is sleeping in a coma surely isn’t the right way to initiate this conversation, but her lips are so soft and the little moans that escape her mouth whenever his bioelectricity flows through her send sparkles of love and pleasure through his heart and body.

The tram is slowing down and Jaal forces himself to gently pull away; her cheeks are flushed red, her smiling lips are shiny with saliva, and there is a dreamy glint in her half-lidded eyes.

He groans and goes back to kissing her, broad hands moving to the small of her back.

“Darling One.” he breathes, nuzzling her cheek after breaking the kiss. “I adore you.”

“I adore you too, Jaal.” she says, her smile softer, eyes as clear as the sky of Aya.

He wonders if the sky of Earth was like that too.

The door of the tram opens just as they pull away from each other and they get out, ignoring the curious stares they get from the humans boarding the tram.

Hand in hand once again, they walk down the stairs, the white space of the Cryo Bay laying open in front of them, just through the door, a welcoming, but also somewhat cold sight.

People are supposed to be asleep only for a certain amount of time, Jaal thinks. So much can happen in just one second, so many things can be missed in a single moment. Six-hundred years are already too many.

Chloe seems to think the same as they enter the room and her eyes move to the only body laying down on one of the beds.

The doctors and the rest of the staff of the Hyperion stare at Jaal, mostly because he is a new, unexpected sight on the human Ark.

Everything here feels and looks different to him: from the beds to the colors – the Resistance infirmary on Aya looks much warmer -, from the machines and equipment to the screens and scans.

But among that slight unfamiliarity, he glimpses something that he knows well too, even though it shouldn’t be: Chloe’s same hair color and nose, resting on a white bed.

“Scott.” she calls softly, before exchanging a look with Harry, the doctor standing near the bed.

“Hello, Chloe.” the man greets her, putting his datapad aside. “No changes, I’m afraid. But his conditions are stable and his brain activity is as good as ever.”

“Thank you, Harry.” She smiles and the doctor smiles too, before looking at Jaal, head slightly tilted sideways.

“And your friend is…?”

“Jaal Ama Darav.” Jaal responds, keeping his voice low. He knows his usual booming tone would be badly appreciated in such a place. Infirmaries, no matter the species, are places of rest and comfort.

He knows he should add something to his name. The reason why he is here or perhaps his role on Chloe’s ship – Jaal Ama Darav, angaran envoy? Jaal Ama Darav, member of the angaran Resistance?

What he most wants to reveal is his role in Chloe’s life.

He glances at her for a second, mouth opening without letting any sound out, but she comes to his help and her words ignite an unquenchable flame in his heart.

“He is my boyfriend.” One of the human words for taoshay. His chest swells with pride and joy. “I wanted him to meet Scott.”

Harry looks admirably unfazed by the news; his lips curl into another smile, genuine affection and respect in his eyes, and he says: “I see. I’m happy to meet you, Jaal. I’m sure Scott will be too.”

Jaal smiles back and thinks this human is a good man. He already likes him and he feels the urge to clasps his arm or pat his back, but he holds himself back, not wanting to embarrass him or Chloe.

Harry nods at her and Jaal and goes away – “I’ll give you a moment, then.” -, moving to the other side of the room to take care of another patient who just got out of cryo.

Scott looks paler than Chloe or perhaps it’s the bright light that makes him look like that, but Jaal can’t help but think about the snow-white flowers that grow on Havarl, whose frail, delicate petals can be broken by the faintest of winds, whose life lasts only a few days, a perennial cycle of death and rebirth.

He pushes that morbid thought out of his mind and takes the chair that Chloe offers him; she sits at his side and together they look at her sleeping brother, at his chest slowly moving up and down, at the slight twitch of his brow that indicates he’s dreaming.

“Hi, Scott.” Chloe starts, reaching out for one of his hands on his chest. “This is Jaal. Jaal Ama Darav.” A smile splits her face in half. “He is my boyfriend. Don’t freak out, he is the best man in this galaxy. You’ll love him.”

Jaal laughs, blushing hard, and takes her hand, holding it on his thigh. He clears his throat, looking at the familiar face of Scott and tries to speak.

It’s difficult to talk to someone who cannot reply and probably even hear what he’s saying.

Angara never talks without a reason and when they speak to someone they always send their message across loud and clear; there are intention and meaning behind their words and to just pronounce them without receiving a reaction makes Jaal feel nervous, as if there is no real communication with the other member of the conversation.

Even when they want to stay silent, angara announce it before doing so and the others around them know how to act and react. Here, Scott is trapped in his silence and Jaal’s words cannot reach him, like a signal sent through the stars never really arriving anywhere, forever traveling through space without someone to catch it.

But, he suddenly realizes, someone is here: Scott, even if he cannot hear and answer, and Chloe, who can hear everything.

She is the stars which will bring his message home, which will guard it through its journey through space, until Scott can finally hear it. She is, after all, his twin, his specular image, another half of him. She is partially made of his same stardust.

“Hello, Scott.” Jaal starts and he hears Chloe let out a relieved sigh. She probably feared she had put him in an embarrassing situation and he squeezes her hand to let her know everything is alright.

“It’s an honor to meet you, brother of my Darling One.” he continues, moving his other hand and resting it upon the man’s shoulder. “Chloe told me many things about you! You were born a few minutes after her and your favorite color is green, because that’s what your favorite story character liked to wear.”

Chloe lets out a tiny giggle and Jaal grins.

“You will have to tell me a lot about your sister once you wake up. She refuses to reveal her embarrassing secrets to me, even after I showed her mine.” He shoots her a pointed look, pretending to be offended.

He fails terribly, he knows that, because Chloe giggles harder and shakes her head at him.

“They were not embarrassing, Jaal.”

“I know.” He grins and looks at Scott again. “I’ll show them to you too. You are family now.” He pauses, then starts again: “My true mother and siblings will want to meet you. You know, Teviint, one of my sisters, is an amazing woman. You might like her.”

“Jaal. Are you seriously trying to matchmake our siblings?” Chloe sounds astounded, but in a good, amused way.

He smiles innocently, already imagining their joined families.

“Maybe?” He turns back to Scott. “Lathoul is a great man and warrior too. He would treat you well.”

“Jaal.”

He gasps, a sudden thought coming to mind.

“I want to know how Chloe was like when she was little.”

“I can tell you that!” she protests, laughing and smacking his arm. “I even have pictures!”

“You, my love, are a biased source.” Jaal smiles smugly, pinching her hand. “I know you would only show me the pics you consider the best, ignoring the rest.”

“The rest is a terrible collection of me with snot on my nose and messy hair sticking out in all directions.”

“So? I love that too. That is part of who you are as well.” He brings her hand to his chest, momentarily forgetting about Scott, and saying with all the sincerity in the universe: “I love everything about you.”

Chloe splutters and blushes, hiding her face against his shoulder. He laughs, the sound echoing in the vast room, and many turn to look at them, surprised by that noise that surely isn’t heard often there, at least not so loudly.

“Ah! I apologize!” Jaal babbles, hoping nobody will ask them to leave the Cryo Bay, but Chloe is smiling and her blush has spread to her neck.

“You are adorable.” she says, making him smile happily, then she turns to her sleeping brother: “Just so you know, he is always like this. So prepare for a lot of genuine, heartfelt compliments.”

Scott doesn’t answer, but Jaal knows he will someday. Soon.

He watches his Darling One talk, her smile wide and bright, her composure relaxed as she leans onto him and slides her arm under his. Jaal brushes his cheek against her hair, enjoying its texture and scent, and he often intervenes in the one-sided conversation, which now feels natural, as if Scott can really hear them thanks to some magical intervention, even though he knows it’s not true.

They talk about simple, small stuff; the fact that Alec Ryder is dead and Chloe is the new Pathfinder is a secret, but Scott knows about the busted Golden Worlds, so they feel relaxed and tranquil enough to talk about those.

Their efforts are giving good results and hope is growing in Heleus. Even if Scott cannot hear them, it just feels right to inform him.

They spend more than an hour there, until SAM informs them that Tann is looking for the Pathfinder after learning of her presence on the station.

With a sigh, Chloe stands up, followed by Jaal; she squeezes her brother’s hand and gently places it back on his chest, murmuring: “See you later, little bro.”

Jaal stares down at the pale human for a long time. He likes to think of him as his brother-in-law and tries to imagine what his reaction will be, after learning of his sister’s relationship with him.

From what Chloe told him, he is fairly sure it will be good.

His respect and affection for the young man grow, even though this is only their first encounter and their peculiar conversation was rather short.

After a moment of hesitation, he leans down and wraps his arms around the still, warm body, slightly lifting him from the bed. Chloe and SAM don’t protest, so he guesses it’s alright and that he isn’t putting the young man in danger.

He gently lies Scott back onto the bed, pats his shoulder and says: “We will come back soon, brother.” A short pause, then: “I will take care of Chloe, I swear it to you.”

That’s his third most important promise and there in the Cryo Bay, hand in hand with his Darling One under a sea of stars, Jaal knows Scott believes him too, because there is the faintest hint of a smile on his dreaming face.

[madaramaddymad]

hey, i found out you're a zodiac maniac, so i would like to ask if you could guess Madara's chart??

OMG YES OFC I WILL DO IT RIGHT NAW

                                 Madara Uchiha Natal Chart

                         Sun sign: basic identity, “true self”, our ego

                                             Sun sign in♑(Capricorn)

                                            {taken from Naruto data)

Capricorn is all about hard work and dedication to what you’re doing. Those born under this sign are more than happy to put in a full day at the office, realizing that it will likely take a lot of those days to get to the top. That’s no problem, since Capricorns are both ambitious and determined: they will get there.The Capricorn-born are extremely dedicated to their goals, almost to the point of stubbornness. Those victories sure smell sweet, though, and that thought alone will keep Capricorns going.The Goat symbolizes Capricorns, and an apt mascot it is. Goats love to climb to the top of the mountain, where the air is clear and fresh. In much the same way, Capricorns want to get to the top of their chosen field so that they can reap the benefits of success; namely fame, prestige and money. Getting to the top isn’t always a walk in the park, however, so it’s likely that Goats will ruffle a few feathers along the way. These folks can indeed be domineering, even egotistical, on their route to the top.Thankfully, Capricorns are patient, too, and are happy to wait for their ship to come in. The flip side to this staid behavior is that Goats can become quite unforgiving of those who aren’t as diligent or ambitious as they are. Capricorns need to remember that they do need allies along the way, ambitious or otherwise. In any case, once Capricorns receive the recognition and social status they so fervently crave, it’s likely that all will be forgiven.The great strengths of the Capricorn-born are their willingness to work hard and their determination to succeed. Their ambition is boundless, yet they are cautious, responsible and always play fair. That’s why their successes are all the more sweet.

                           Rising/ Ascending sing: the first impression                                               we make on others to a personal level, how we                                          come across to strangers, a mask we wear in public.

                                 Rising/ Ascending in♑(Capricorn)

{Madara has to deal with resposibilites from young age, is expected to act like a big brother, life faces him with death for the closest one to him, he is being betrayed by the clan, he leaves the vilage, his ego is hurt and turns into a great villian. He’s egoistic and selfish, wanting to destroy everything alive.}

Usually Capricorn risings are the most fucked up in life. They face the most obstacles of all. It’s due to Saturb (the ruler of Capri). Saturn is the old, boring and strict school teacher, that we always neglect and never listen. His lessons are important and only few are willing to learn them. The ones who are taught their lesson, succeed double. The reward would be bigger than ever. 

Capricorn Ascendant people project competence. They simply ooze it. They’re generally very image-conscious people–the clothes they wear and their manner are a big deal to them. They want to appear successful, and they generally succeed!Capricorn rising people are generally big on family, and forever worry about security–for themselves and their dependents. They come across to others as hard-working, competent, and dependable people. What others may not see under that cool, even suave, exterior, is an inner struggle: they often ask themselves, “Am I doing enough?”, “Do I deserve all of this?”, “How can I make things better?” They worry a lot about the future.If success seemed to have come easy to these folks, it hasn’t. They just made it look that way with a patient, hard-working, driven personality. More often than not, Capricorn rising individuals are success stories. Their childhoods may have been difficult, but they slowly but surely turn their lives around. Saturn rules this Ascendant, and this generally means a kind of backwards way of living–as children, they are serious and bear a lot of responsibility; and as they grow up, they age beautifully, learning how to loosen up. 

                            Moon: emotional instincts and habits,                                        deepest personal needs, the sun is the head- moon is the heart

                                              Moon in♌(Leo)

{Madara explodes kinda easily, short temper, laughs pridely and everything is about his pride and ego. This combination along x2 Capicorns, turn him into a great villian}

Leo Moon likes to be the center of attention… when they are comfortable in the situation. Those born with the Moon in Leo are talented organizers, and may bring that out to the point of trying to organize and control their friends and family. Their natural bossiness helps them be good at delegating chores to others, although deep down they really want to treat others fairly.Leo Moon needs a lot of love to do well in the world. They can be overly dramatic if they feel slighted, and they are prone to sulking. Luckily, they prefer to perform their scenes in the privacy of their home. Public displays may hurt their image. They would rather appear dignified in public, since social status is everything. They may be a bit vain or snobbish, but they are very loyal.They are usually popular and sociable, and they have a lot of integrity. Their sense of justice is strong, and they are usually easy to reason with. They are passionate, but may tend towards exaggeration.Pride is Leo Moon’s downfall. Their ego pushes them to take charge of everything, which may make them appear domineering. They are attracted to power and status. Stubbornness is a trait that helps them get what they want. At the same time, they can be very idealistic and make great personal sacrifices if they believe in a cause.Those born under the Moon Sign Leo do not take advice well, though they are happy to give it. They have a lot in common with the cat… they feel they are always right and no one should tell them what to do. They may be materialistic, but they accept responsibility with grace and honor. They can face adversity without falling apart, and when fortune smiles upon them, they are always willing to share.

                                      Mercury: communication, intellect, speech, mind

                                             Mercury in♌(Leo)

{everything during the war is how prideful his words are, he is never afraid to tell what he thinks and he usually stands behind it, even blindly follows his ego, thats why at the end he gets up fucked by Kagyua. Also the double leo would give him such piky, mane hair)

Mercury in Leo speaks with style and authority. Some may come across as know-it-alls, but they really just want to share their knowledge with everyone else. They hold their opinions very dear and take pride in their beliefs. They tend to be idealistic. Mercury in Leo has a good intellect, and they love to express themselves. In fact, creativity is very important to them. They excel in presenting themselves with drama and style. Passionate and enthusiastic when speaking, Mercury Leo is usually successful in getting their point across.They may be oversensitive to anything they consider less than praise. They can appear rather arrogant due to their natural detachment. Mercury in Leo has their ego tied to their intellect, which sometimes makes it difficult for them to separate fact from fiction. They make natural leaders and people are inclined to follow them because of their charisma. Leo Mercury can be stubborn, especially when crossed. They follow their passions, acting spontaneously in the moment.Mercury in Leo needs to watch out for false pride, intolerance, being full of themselves and needed praise for everything they do. While their need for admiration is evident, they do deserve it a good portion of the time.

                                   Venus: love, harmony, our style,                                                                how we dress up, our soft loving side

                                             Venus in♍(Virgo)

{he wouldn’t shut up critisizing, he is the ultimate judgeman, knows all your flaws and during the Leos in him, wouldn’t mind telling them, yet the great Madara Uchiha is shy to pee whenever someone’s standing behind him)

Virgo Venus is not the flirtatious kind. They are willing to work on their relationships and dedicate themselves to make them work. They aren’t out to show off or impress anyone. While they don’t shower their partner with showy gifts, they may actually be more generous with gifts of devotion.Virgo Venus will quietly work their way into your heart. They are sensitive, if a little insecure, and many people find this reserved loner very attractive. They usually play it safe and they must know that you like them before they’ll make the tiniest move. They are great listeners, and they spend time observing your habits and reactions so they know all the ins and outs of your personality. Like a small child with a crush, they may indicate their interest by being a nuisance. When they criticize, they are not trying to hurt you; however… they are trying to help! To make a Venus in Virgo person happy, show them how much you appreciate all the little things they do for you. They will do a whole lot for their partner in small, quiet ways that are not always noticed. They may need a little space once in awhile.The Venus in Virgo person does not jump into relationships easily. They take time to make themselves important parts of their partner’s life. Instead of revealing all in a romantic scene, they tend to be self-restrained and very selective. They can be very critical at times, but you can take comfort in the fact that this most discriminating sign has chosen you for a reason. They don’t like people who have habits they dislike, and they appreciate someone who is punctual.In friendship, Virgo Venus likes to be needed and useful. When taken advantage of, however, you may begin to feel unappreciated. They are quiet and analytical, and very choosy who they have for friends.The Venus in Virgo person comes across as someone who has a lot of integrity. They don’t play mind games and their loner personality is intriguing to some people. They have a bit of mystery about them, and they protect their privacy. They are very trustworthy, if a bit aloof.

                                Mars: how a person goes after goals,                                                       courage, sex drive, agression, will, energy

                                          Mars in ♑(Capricorn)

{everytime Madara explosed once being child, he always apologized to Hashirama. As he grew older, he cooled down the Leo in himself and the Capricorn mars appeared more, as being a big more self-controled in agression, but this turns him into a “sadist”. Also contanting so many Capricorn makes him adore History and the leo is admiring legends, in fact, he wants to be one of them and reminds him of himself) 

Mars in Capricorn is orderly and subdued. They like to be in control of their life. They are determined, but they keep everything low-key. They like to be on top of things in their life. They like to set their goals and focus on achieving them. They are not flamboyant, but they can be ambitious. They want to be secure, and they will do whatever it takes to succeed.When Capricorn Mars is angry, it is a level-headed, cool type of anger. They have a strong sense of self-control that encompasses all areas of their life. They don’t like to see anything go to waste. They are afraid of letting loose and getting out of control.Capricorn Mars is responsible and reliable. They work hard and they keep their nose to the grindstone. They have a tendency to become workaholics. They want to attain status and recognition for their work. They are very practical and can turn a profit from almost anything they put their minds to. They do tend towards caution, which can be detrimental in some cases. They are also skeptical of new ideas. It is difficult for them to break old habits. They can be pessimistic and may come across as too serious.Mars in Capricorn has a strong libido and appreciates sensual experiences. This is hidden behind their conservative face. It is hard to let this side show. Once they reveal the real person inside, you won’t be disappointed. They don’t rush, but take their time, enjoying the moment. Conventional and straightforward, they give quite a bit to their partner, although they expect quite a bit in return. They are not into experimenting with new techniques. They appreciate discretion. They want the security of a long-term relationship. If they are focused on their career, they have the capability of suppressing their sexual urges completely if needed so they are not distracted. They have a lot of endurance.