#personally i’m the one on the left online and the one on the right irl lmao

[cosmiclion]

Love wins 😌

And a version for my aro/ace/not interested in kissing for whatever reason siblings:

[olderthannetfic]

The ongoing and seemingly continuous discussion of f/f shipping is equal parts frustrating and depressing for me.

I like f/f, m/m, and m/f pairings equally, but you’ll only ever see me posting about m/m and m/f on my blog or on my AO3 because of the responses I’ve gotten to my headcanons and fics. I have gotten passive aggressive insults, been called slurs, and even gotten death threats, not because I ship f/f but because I ship the “wrong kind” of f/f.

For example: 5 years ago I was really big into the She-Ra (2018) fandom and my OTP was Glimdora (Glimmer/Adora), an f/f ship. But they were an unpopular ship in the fandom who overall preferred to ship Adora with the series antagonist (also a woman) instead.

My blog was spammed with Anon hate and Tumblr kept sending me those emails asking if I was a risk for self harm. On my AO3 I got accused of being homophobic or lesbian phobic even though I was posting fics of two women being in love.

I got sick of it, so I left the fandom and now I just don’t post my f/f fic or headcanons anymore. I share them with my IRL friends instead.

Like, I agree, it does suck royally that there just isn’t very much f/f content out there, especially not compared to m/m and m/f ship. But f/f spaces made it very clear that I, a person who did write and post f/f fics, was not welcome in f/f spaces.

It makes me depressed because it’s hard enough being an AFAB person in a world that hates both women and queer people IRL. F/f communities online SHOULD be a haven for us. But they for that to happen we need to accept all f/f, but we don’t. Our communities are overly concerned with “letting the right ones in”.

And I’m frustrated when I post after post of fellow f/f shippers screaming into the void begging for more f/f content. Like, my sisters, if you WANT more f/f content you need to ALLOW more f/f content.

--

[kickbutts-singsongs]

I know no one asked, but I have exactly zero (0) people to talk about bkdk with irl so here you guys go

My BKDK Journey

Yes, this sounds stupid, but my god it’s been almost three years of an absolute rollercoaster of feelings and denials and tears and revelations…

and if you don’t mind, I’m gonna rant about it.

(not spoiler free)

_____

May 2021

To start off, i wasn’t always a bkdk shipper.

I shipped izu*cha at first (not saying it’s a bad ship btw; it’s actually quite cute. im just afraid people’ll be mad if I accidentally invade their tag lol), primarily because I assumed that would be the ship that became canon.

But also, my veryyyyy leasttttt favorite character… was Bakugou Katsuki.

When I tell you that I would’ve loved nothing more than to somehow spawn into the bnha universe and punch that brat in the face— AGHHHHHHHHHH

Now this wasn’t all his fault: A) I watched the dub first lol, and B) he reminded me of someone that i was not in a place to stand up to at the time, and his constant anger, yelling, and harsh treatment of Izuku—who i began to relate to—made me hateeee him.

There was a time when I literally said “if he died, I wouldn’t miss him.” <- this was later proven false lol

So, I was watching the anime dub with an absolute animosity for our resident deuteragonist, but on top of that…

I was watching it with a friend with a crunchyroll account who lived in another state that I was visiting and staying with for two weeks, so by the time i had to go back home, we’d only gotten up to the part where All Might was getting Inko’s permission to let Izuku stay at the UA dorms.

Anddddddd in my drive to consume more bnha once I got home, i somehow stumbled across an Instagram account that posted bnha sub episodes divided into parts,

but they only had season four and onwards.

Sooooo I never saw the second half of season three… more importantly,

I NEVER SAW DEKU VS KACCHAN 2!!!!!

(I will say that I had seen a couple photos/edits/etc, but I never knew what had been said, or why they fought)

_____

June 2021

At this point in time, I’d been exposed to a lot of the fandom. My fyp on both IG and Pinterest were filled to the brim with all things bnha (because this is what happens when one has a hyperfixation), so I saw a lot of stuff.

Especially fanart.

This is where I started learning about the different ships.

I saw a lot of the side character ships and thought they were adorable (kamijirou, todomomo, even kiribaku), but then I saw some with Izuku.

Izu*cha was a given for me. I didn’t think there was a single person that didn’t ship it. But then I started seeing fanart of ships like tododeku, shindeku, and bakudeku.

And my first reaction to finding out that people shipped my beautiful baby sunshine boi with the person who bullied him for years?????

HELLLLLLLLLLL NO

So with my (unknowingly) limited knowledge of their relationship, i was very much an anti (i never spoke out or anything, i just reallyyyy didn’t like the ship lol)

(And then, you know, I started to see all the bkdk hate online and kinda went “okay not touching that”)

But that began to change…

_____

August 2021

…after I saw a manga leak for the first time.

I was scrolling thru my feed and all of a sudden. BOOM!

I was like 😧

IS THAT IZUKU?????

And i looked in the comments and yes it was.

I checked out the page and found that they had an entire account of manga leaks and was so happy.

I quickly began to read from the very bottom of that account, and it started from right about where Izuku first began his vigilante arc (i had no idea how much was in between then and where I left off on the anime, but I was willing to read it lol)

And so I waited diligently for the leaks every week (a practice I have continued to uphold lol), until one day, i came across an untranslated series of panels from the latest chapter. I looked at it and it was of Katsuki and Izuku, facing each other in the rain (you know the one). I knew the leaks would be coming a day later, but I wanted to look through them anyways, so I did.

I didn’t understand a word they said, but the pictures and imagery of them as kids then middle schoolers then where they were now seemed so touching…

And then I came across a pair of kanji that I recognized.

I was like “wait WHAT???”

I zoomed in and went “that— isn’t that—? That’s part of Midoriya’s name, right???”

And then I was like “wait a second… omg that’s Izuku, isn’t it. That’s the freaking kanji for Izuku.”

And it was!!!!!

So inside I’m having a mini freakout cuz—

Bakugou just called him IZUKU

Fast forward to the next day, and I looked at the translated version, and found out that not only did he call him Izuku,

He

Freaking

APOLOGIZED

And I was like “huhhhhhhh”

What happened between now and the most recent anime episodes for this to occur???? For Bakugou to do a complete 180 and apologize????????

Well, I finally got my answers…

_____

November 2021

…when I started reading the manga.

I started from the beginning, cuz I wanted to see Horikoshi’s art style and the extra drawings and all the other stuff…

And when I tell you that Katsuki became a whole new character to me—

First, I read everything about early-on Bakugou— without hearing him yell in his dub voice—and realized “oh wow he really is just a kid with issues and a worldview that he’s now having to change.”

Then, I finally read what happened in that space between moving into the dorms and the beginning of season four (most importantly, DvK2).

Cried.

Then, oh then, I got up to where season five ended and the rest of the manga began.

. . .

Funny thing: back when I read the leaks to ch322, I remember thinking to myself, “huh. what did Bakugou mean by Shigaraki making swiss cheese outta him?”

😦

THE WAY I GASPED

AND THEN CRIED

OH MY FREAKING GOD

That was the moment where i truly ceased to hate Katsuki cuz holy character development batman

Then, of course, we see them in recovery

And then the vigilante arc and apology scene *sobs*

And then I was caught up.

(Btw I finished the entire manga up ‘til ch334 in just over a week. I read for nine days straight. During the school year. My emotions were all over the place goodness gracious I could barely concentrate.)

So that’s how I went from being a Bakugou hater to going “you know what he’s a complex character and he’s slowly becoming a better person” and realizing that he was now one of my fav characters and therefore cursed to die but I’ll talk about that later

Was I now a bakudeku shipper?

Hah nope.

_____

December 2021

I began my dive into the true essence of any fandom: fanfiction.

Over the course of winter break, I had started off with fics that had no romantic pairing (I just wanted to see my boi Izuku), but then somehow stumbled across Mastermind: Strategist for Hire and then read the entirety of the For Want of a Nail series (shoutout to Clouds btw ❤️) cuz I was like “ok whew no bkdk fics” which was my mindset at the time.

But somehow (I can’t even remember how I found it) I came across a bkdk fic. It was called For Want of Izuku’s Toe Joint by Talavin (okay now that I think about it there’s probably a simple explanation lol).

I don’t quite know what compelled me to start reading it, but I did.

And I really liked it.

But not in the “I’ve been converted” kinda way.

It was like an “I shouldn’t be enjoying this why am I enjoying this?” kinda feeling. Like my head says no but my heart says yeah.

A really really really really guilty pleasure.

So, from that day on, whenever I came across any form of bkdk media, I would simultaneously feel discomfort and yet an odd sense of satisfaction.

A snippet of my daily life:

Me: *comes across bkdk fanart on pinterest*

Me: eww

Also me: *stares at it for like five minutes straight*

Me: who even likes this?

Also me: *saves pin to my mha board*

Me: not my ship

Also me: *scrolls down to more like this*

Bless my heart I was in such denial.

_____

July 2022

Bit of a timeskip, but nothing of note really happened in those last six months so here we go.

We’ve gotten to the point in the manga where the final arc is underway and Bakugou is about to KICK SOME BUTT

He’s revealed his Panser Strafe support item and I’m gushing about it to my friend (she kinda fell out of the fandom but still tolerated my rants bless her)

Oh, side note: it was then that I also expressed my concern for Bakugou’s “alive” status

Evidence:

For reference, some of my favorite characters are:

Beth March (Little Women)

John Reese (Person of Interest)

Joss Carter (Person of Interest)

Leonard Snart (Arrowverse)

Logan Echolls (Veronica Mars)

Fantine (Les Mis)

Eponine (Les Mis)

Jean Valjean (Les Mis)

Simon (Lord of the Flies)

Piggy (Lord of the Flies)

Grace Stone (Manifest)

Bubaigawara Jin — Twice (BNHA)

Wanna guess which of these guys died?

Trick question! It’s all of them (:

Yeah so anyways those following chapters really made me excited and nervous cuz YEAH KICK HIS ASS BAKUGOU but also IZUKUUUUU WE NEED YOU

hah hah.

_____

August 2022

Utterly gobsmacked. Cried. Disbelief. Horrified. Confusion. Anger. Went through the five stages of grief and then some.

Sometimes I hate being right 🥲

But the good thing that came from this was that my positive view of Katsuki only grew after seeing his utter faith in Izuku (and his thoughts being on him in his final moments???? 🥺🥺🥺)

And it was at this point in time where I could admit to myself “you know what? i see it. i see the appeal. i wouldn’t mind this actually becoming canon.”

Did I think that it would actually become canon?? No.

_____

September 2022

I don’t know how I thought Izuku was gonna react to seeing Katsuki’s body on the ground, but GOOD LORD IT WASNT THAT

Even sweet little blind me realized “oh wow he like really feels intense stuff for Katsuki huh”

(But some things I missed—cuz I was still a bit wired for izu*cha—were shigarakis implications “yeah u looooove the present I got u” and the freaking HEART that blackwhip caused??? when Izuku reeled himself back in???? like how did i miss that i read that chapter like fifteen times??)

So this is all to say that I’ve missed any and all actual bkdk hints up until this point. I finally lifted my head out of the izu*cha fog when…

_____

July 2023

…Ochako and Toga had their chat about romance.

The first actual hint was when Ochako had told Toga “I’ll give you my blood for the rest of my life.”

Little blind me became a bit less blind that day, cuz I was like “um. ochako? that— that sounded kinda like a proposal. like. a marriage proposal. ochako??”

And then those chapters just kept getting better!!

Bebe Ochako’s determination???

The Spirited Away moment?????

“I’m envious of your smile”????????

“YOU REALLY THINK IM CUTE?” “THE CUTEST IN THE WHOLE WORLD” LIKE 😭😭😭😭😭

For the first time, I was looking at the manga without the assumption that izu*cha would be endgame. And it only got better after I…

_____

August 2023

…got Tumblr!!!

Everything was downhill from here folks.

In the best possible way.

I came across some analyses of what was going on with togachako, and consequently led me to some bakudeku analyses. I read them and my goodness they made so much sense.

Like not even just personality-wise!! Those metas brought in actual things Horikoshi said about wanting to go outside the norms of shounen (and about not liking the Naruto ending 💀), and compared bkdk to tropes in different works of fiction, and even discussed how bkdk made sense narratively. They properly convinced me of the ship.

And then for good measure, I reread the manga in its entirety thru a bkdk filter, and lo and behold things took on new meanings and my eyes were opened.

I totally and irrevocably shipped them! And I actually thought they had a chance at being canon!!

(And then I binged so much bkdk fanfiction omg you wouldn’t BELIEVE like I read the ones with the highest kudos first and then just picked the biggest collections I could find and read down the line

It was like being on drugs like each fic gave me more dopamine than the last I was so happy oh my god)

_____

October 2023

And then finally, the day came.

The answer to “is bakugou alive yet?” became a yes.

We screamed. We cried. We jumped for joy. We told bakugou antis to suck it. But most of all, our bkdk hearts soared to see our boys make eye contact with each other for the first time in over a year 🥹

And from that moment on, I truly began to believe that bkdk would indeed become canon.

_____

And so, this concludes my 42672288 page rant about how I came to be a bkdk shipper.

Thank you for reading, and before I go, I want to ask:

How did you guys get into bkdk?

Did you convert over from izu*cha? Or perhaps tododeku? Or maybe kiribaku? Or are you one of the few who have shipped them since the beginning??

In any case, I’m happy you’re here. And while it may have taken me a couple years, I’m happy that I’m here too :)

(and thank you @animelover32456)

[rotzaprachim]

I’m deeply disturbed and horrified by the bds decision on standing together as you can see - no I don’t think they’re a flawless organization, no one is, but I think they’re doing excellent work and I had the privilege of meeting alon lee-green and sally Abed in person years ago. We talked in a small group about some issues they were working to bring people to the table on. One thing I think that’s critical to talk about with standing together but just with radical politics in general is that I think there’s an increasingly large issue with internet leftists who have not had experience with community grassroots work reading the practical praxis and strategies of community grassroots work - no matter how radical - as centrism or aquiescence. But that’s just not how it works. If you want to change peoples’ minds on an issue they have strong feelings about, you can’t label your cause WITH THAT ISSUE. In standing together’s case, the three big issues we talked about were rent hikes, violence against women, and police brutality, all of which they were at that time working to try to being people from different SECTORS of Arab and Jewish society to the table on. The reality is that a lot of the people those damn awful things happening too???? Conservative. Many of the Ethiopian Jewish families whose sons might have issues with the police who they wanted to get to talk to Palestinian families? Voted for Likud. Many of the people experiencing rent hike issues? Ultra orthodox. Many of the women experiencing abuse and even femicide came down a range of conservative relifious backgrounds. It didn’t matter what politics the standing together organizers held- and they are mostly very left wing- what mattered was how they could actively work to meet people where they were at, right now, to get change happening.

Because that’s how community grassroots stuff happens - you recognize that terrible shit happens on scale to people whose politics you might not agree with, and you work to help them anyway. I mention this all because I think the bds decision on standing together was beyond idiotic, but I think the discourse around it actually illuminates a lot of failure to understand grassroots politics in a way that’s really concerning for future serious progressive activism. Because online and IRL I see a lot of throwing around of terms like “mutual aid” and “community activism” and then IRL I’ve noticed leftists who are only interested in community with tiny groups of other leftists who say the same “enlightened” things and have the right anticolonial water bottle stickers or shaved haircuts. The wider community is sheeple and a town hall meeting is only worth going to for one specific issue- agriculture???? Omg that’s useless! And I live in a REALLY politically progressive area, quite a left wing area, it just /looks/ different than us American leftists can understand, but it doesn’t pass the sniff test for blah blah blah. Because I think this attitude is widespread and demotivating, and ultimately it’s a terrible route to imagining change, because all it does is encourage leftist tribalism and make people feel they’ve “found Allies” and “enacted change” without changing anything practical, even at the grassroots level. Because your revolution should come from the love of the people, but the first thing is, you have to love people, as a whole, and that starts with real people, in your life, who might have problems. Because if it isn’t for them who is it for?

[luulapants]

Stop Being Weird About Indians

Let’s talk about virtue signalling when talking about American Indians and how it’s doing more harm than good. I saw a take that writing about Kaia, an indigenous character in Supernatural, in fanfiction is a cancel-able offense because the way she’s depicted in the show is problematic. I’ve heard similar things about the skinwalkers in Teen Wolf - I’ve also heard that you shouldn’t even type the word “skinwalkers” because it’s offensive, which... I’m not gonna go into all the details, but that’s a gross misunderstanding of the belief around the word, and also the actual word the belief is about - you won’t believe this - isn’t an English word.

Anyway.

The topic of indigenous oppression in the US is complicated, but one of the fundamental issues, which actual indigenous activists (not just keyboard warriors) constantly talk about, is the way indigenous people are ignored and erased from the story. It’s called “The Terminal Narrative.” Text books talk about indigenous people like they’re a relic of the past, like they’re all dead and gone. (Do you know how weird it is for Indian children on reservations to read a US history book that implies they don’t exist?) Human rights abuses and social issues on reservations are left out of the conversation or skimmed over as if they’re too obscure to be fully understood, or like they impact so few people, it doesn’t really matter.

Policing wording is not activism. Sharing call-out posts isn’t activism. You are not doing anything to help anyone. You’re not funding, volunteering, calling politicians, or doing any actual work to better the lives of indigenous Americans. (Before anyone calls hypocrite, I do work with an indigenous rights group IRL.) When someone scolds another person online over using a word that isn’t PC, 99% of the time it’s clear they don’t actually care - they derive a sense of moral superiority from knowing the “correct” way to speak. And they don’t care about the chilling effect it has on speech overall. This naturally leads to one of the most toxic elements of liberal conversations about race: that you must have the conversation perfectly or not at all. And that’s the impact it has. People just stop talking about it for fear of being wrong.

Can you see how, in a society where indigenous oppression is actively facilitated by silence and erasure, making people afraid to speak about Indians is one of the worst things you could possibly do?

It’s become standard fare for Indian Studies books to start with a disclaimer explaining that “Indian” actually isn’t an offensive word and is the word that most indigenous people use for themselves. The disclaimer isn’t because it’s new or radical information. It’s because white Americans are so goddamn weird about virtual signaling about ~The Native Americans~ that they would condemn a much-needed book of scholarship on native issues just for using a word that they thought was offensive.

Native people aren’t a monolith. You’ll find Indians that insist you need to spell it NDN or that XYZ is offensive. Production companies can pay a native person to come tell them they’re allowed to write about something most people from their tribe would find offensive. Fact of the matter is, a lot of Indians are not experts on like... heritage culture. If they grew up on a rez, they can tell you about rez culture, but they’re not all Indian Studies scholars, the same way not all Irish people are experts on Celtic paganism. Not all Indians are experts on indigenous politics, the same way not all Americans are experts on American politics. And it goes without saying that a GODAWFUL amount of the people lecturing on acceptable ways to interact with indigenous characters are not only uninformed about indigenous issues (I saw one post where someone clearly linked the first thing that came up when they googled “Native American drug addiction”) but are also not indigenous themselves.

And, yes, the vast majority of depictions of Indians in American media are problematic in one way or another, but saying that the solution is to erase indigenous characters from fandom entirely (because they’re all problematic) is the absolute WORST conclusion to reach. Fix the characters if you care that much! Give the Teen Wolf skinwalkers names! And an iPad! Let Kaia be the master of her own destiny! Let her bitch Dean out for pointing that gun in her face! Let her live happily ever after with her girlfriend! What the hell is fandom for if not fixing the issues we see in canon? Why are we allowed to reclaim and rewrite problematic queer characters but not problematic native characters? Who is that serving? Because it sure as hell isn’t serving Indians.

Anyone that tells you it’s better to ignore Indians than say the wrong thing about them is, knowingly or not, actively promoting a terminal narrative and the continuation of indigenous genocide.

[whatcoloristhatcat]

Chimera or weird Calico?

totally normal calico actually! this is a black tortoiseshell with low white spotting, sometimes called a calico. the genes that cause the tortie pattern are dispersed essentially randomly, so it can lead to neat patterns like this! (white spotting also plays a role here which i’ll be going into below)

that’s the short of it, but i’m gonna be talking about the genetics of torties for a good bit below the cut because i see a lot of chimera confusion online!

PLEASE note before we get into this that i’m a hobbyist that has worked with cats in a shelter and fostering context but not any breeding or genetics work! i’m a photojournalist irl with a special interest in cats so this is going to be a very surface level review of genetics from a non sciency person! i recommend looking at the messybeast and sparrow’s garden for great info on cat genetics!

ok so the first bit is about how torties happen. red color in cats is caused by the O gene, which is carried on the x chromosome. since males have xy chromosomes, having only one x, this means they either get the gene or don’t, and end up red or black. (obligatory note here that rare xxy males or chimeras can display tortie patterns, so about 1 in 3000 torties are male) since females have xx chromosomes, they can carry one x with the O gene and one without! the O gene causes what’s called x chromosome inactivation, where some cells randomly activate the O gene and some activate the other x chromosome. since the O gene changes black pigment to red pigment, thus you get torties. it’s important to note here that this is a random process, so it’s absolutely possible to get funky patterns like the cat from the ask! examples of torties i think look cool and are genetically totally normal (as far as you can tell by looking)

the second bit is on white spotting! as white spotting increases, the more the brindling torties have turns into patches. because the cat in the ask has some white spotting, she’s developed solid patches! it’s important to note that there isn’t some set brindled to patched continuum based on white spotting, so she just happened to get more solid patches than a lot of low white spotting torties. it’s absolutely possible for the white to be covering brindling as well. more examples including my girl frankie!

finally i wanted to go over chimeras a bit. i see discussions about chimeras allll the time online that are just totally wrong. in this cat’s case, i think some people may think she’s a chimera because of her unique patching and potentially her stripes. as i’ve gone over above, totally normal tortie pattern as far as the patches go. for the stripes, that has to do with how red appears on cats. the non-agouti gene causes tabbies to be solid, as you can see on her black patches. however, the non-agouti gene doesn’t affect red pigment! thus, genetically solid reds appear as tabbies. this is not the case of a cat with solid and tabby patches, but solid all the way through.

this is unrelated to this cat in particular, but i also see it all the time in chimera discussions. this is the fact that split-face patterned torties are often assumed to be chimeras. it’s actually that split-face tortie patterns are totally normal and happen because of bilateral symmetry, where things appear the same on the right and left sides when split down the middle. my tortie frankie actually has a slight bit of this visible on the red patch on her face! examples of some cool split-face torties that are again totally genetically normal on the surface.

if you’ve read this far through this unorganized tortie rant you’re a trooper. here’s a baby frankie pic just for you

[bumblebeerror]

I’m a normal amount of rage now so I can articulate myself I think

I understand a lot of online talk is hyperbole. I understand that not every single thing said on the internet is meant to be taken completely literally, the way my brain interprets it at first.

But. But.

The thing is that suicide bait and telling people to die and harassing others online has, historically, not only been incredibly harmful - I will have been on tumblr for a decade this coming spring. I have known people who, as far as anyone could tell, at the very least suddenly deactivated, and likely killed themselves because of a constant barrage of hatred and suicide bait for things like being aro or ace, being pan, being sexual abuse survivors and writing sexual assult fiction to cope and work through their trauma, the ‘reasons’ are endless at this point - it’s also just. Not an effective way to make fandom safer in any way, and the perpetrators of that behavior are never being hyperbolic.

It did not make tumblr safer when a group of people harassed me for misunderstanding the difference between Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder at the age of 16, nor when they continued for two full years to harass me because my first url contained the word “crazy” in refrence to myself. It didn’t make tumblr safer when they told me to kill myself. It didn’t make it safer when they told me they were happy my father died, because I was hurting and that’s what they wanted. It didn’t make tumblr safer when I felt so personally in danger that I had to send an ask containing the address and phone number of the person who started all of it, someone I knew In Real Life and Knew My Schedule, to them, just to get them to stop for fear I would contact their mother or call the police, because the harassment was that intense. And I was one of the lucky ones - someone who knew their harasser irl and could properly leverage a threat like that in exchange for finally being left alone after two full years of nonstop hell every time I opened the site.

And before it crosses anyones mind - yes, it is suicide bait to tell someone they should die. We aren’t playing this game. Just like when aphobes said it so fucking often that prominent ace bloggers actually did end up hurting themselves, and got mass reported for it and changed it to “piss your pants”, saying “you should die” is the same intent as “kill yourself”. Don’t fucking kid with me.

It doesn’t make fandom safer for minors to tell sexual assult survivors to die because they wrote fiction to work through their trauma.

It doesn’t make fandom safer for trans folk to tell trans fans of shitty authors to die.

It doesn’t make fandom safer for mentally ill or disabled folks to tell people to die.

What it does, is convince vulnerable people that they really are better off dead. What it does is convince people you barely know, who have friends and family and lovers, to kill themselves, on the basis of what fucking fandom they’re in. I cannot imagine a more fucking morally depraved reason to say that to anyone.

It helps no one to do this. It benefits nobody. It doesn’t make you a virtuous person, it doesn’t make you morally correct.

It makes you someone who, without the threat of irl consequences, would happily, eagerly, and with sick relish, make someone’s life hell because you don’t like that they like a certain media.

And regardless of what that media is, the very idea of that is absolutely disgustingly wrong.

Human rights don’t only extend to people you like. They extend to everyone. So should your goddamn morals.

[toomanyfandomsorkinafs]

This is for you Bunny(I KNOW YOU SEE THIS, DONT LIE)

I have been collecting incorrect quotes from IRL, things online or my own self. Have at it. I have to many and I really want to share :D

“You know, I used to think that ** was a bad influence on you.”

*arm stuck in somewhere it shouldn’t be*“Oh?”

“Now I realize that you both influence each other to do equally stupid things.”

“What has the world come to?!”

“Depression.”

“You can't make everyone like you; you're not **.”

“What? Not everyone likes **.”

“Who doesn't like **?!”

“Uh”

***, gripping *'s shoulders with the intensity of a thousand burning suns “Names, *, now. GIVE ME THEIR NAMES”

**(female) struggling to to open something so asks ****(male) to help but **** can’t open it so they ask ***(female) to help and they open it

“See ****, you have to become more feminine”

“What-“

“Cause even with barely any nails or with long nails the girls can open it better then you!”

“What do we say to the universe when we’re having a bad day?”

“How dare you seek to inconvenience me. I have been through things that you can’t fathom.”

“Why does it feel like the world fights me in every turn!?”

“Eat good food, happy thoughts come soon”

“Where is **?!”

“At very time and moment that is illegal to share-“

Honestly doesn’t take much to confuse me. I’m just a simple lad.

“YOU'RE A MONSTER! I'm so proud.”

“WHAT is wrong with you. It is so attractive”

"We're not dating, but we're devoted toeach other, and get jealous if someone hits on the other, but we are just friends"

“i'll cut your throat open, that'll shut you up!"

"you're beautiful...”

“Seems like I touch a nerve”*touches their own broken nerve* “AAAAH-“

"** brought emotional trauma to a knife fight”

“How much longer are we going to wait?”

“Just... give it a few more minutes.”

*  ** continues to forcefully push at a door that says pull on it*

“I just drove thru a rainbow” -*

“am I gay now?” -*

“a gay drive-thru?”-**

“Cheers!”

“To what?”

“To my most beautiful and amazing boyfriend/girlfriend!”

“Huh? What? Do you have another one?”

“By the power invested in me.. gay”

“This is the best financial decision I’ve ever made”

“What colour you want? Red or white?”

“Thats blue and gold.”

“OH- thats a mistake!”

“What colour are the balloons?”

“Red(white), green(gold), purple(blue)”

“I thought you were blind but turns out your blind and colourblind”

(Extra)

“What?”

“I literally just ask what was next.”

“Huh?!”

“Oh so you’re deaf, blind, stupid and colourblind!” 

“Oh i forgot your deaf, blind, stupid and colourblind! What don’t you have?!”

“Colours.”

“**, what don’t you have?”

“Brains?”

“What is this?! Vomit green!?”

“It’s olive..”

“It a mistake, that’s what it is.”

“Are you excited for (school name)?”

“Why would I ever be excited about school?”

“In my defence, I was left unsupervised!”

“I think I’ll die actually. Let’s try it!”

“You have to upgrade from a bystander and become-“

“A bully!”

“What you got there?”

*Very dangerous person behind them* “A smoothie?”

“Ah, yeah, I’ve heard about that! Rates are crazy in the States, right?”

“I’m from Canada.”

“Oh.”

“** you don’t have to talk. I have to talk.”

“If you push me, I can push you back.”

“No. You can’t.”

*in the other room*“Can I come out?”

“You’re gay?!”

“No! I can out like that last year!”

“I am a mosaic of every person I have ever loved”

“You Know other men/woman/gays and didn’t tell me?!”

“So, how did you two meet?"

“...You know, we actually legally can't answer that."

“As a members of the high gay council, he is gay.”

“Shout out to (person), gotta be one of my favourite genders”

“We'll blow up that bridge when we come to it."

"Nothing is getting blown up, **."

"The bridge is!" 

OR

“Not with that attitude”

“Remember guys, pain is just weakness leaving the body”

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade, make life take them back.”

“Aw, he’s cute and stupid. I’m keeping him.”

“He- he almost killed like half of us with that shit!”

“Shush.”

“Hey ** do you know about the autistic monkeys?”

“Wha- *laughs* N-nO”

“Good.”

*laughs* “that’s so funny, the autistic monkeys”

“I said Arctic Monkeys”

“Oh- *laughs* Y-yEah, I know the band”

“What- I mean monkeys that live in the arctic”

“Oh- we were not on the same page for this entire conversation”

“I DID IT! I MADE HER/HIM CRY!”

“In another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you”

“I- thanks?”

“Who needs hygiene when you got cake?”

“Your horrible and I love you”

[not-spiders]

this blog probably isn’t the right place to talk about this, but hey. if u gotta scream y not scream into the technological void

i feel so alienated from my peers, both irl and online, because of my aroace identity. And i want to talk about that. btw i feel like i should say i’m not faulting any specific person here, my grievances are with the allonormative society we live in.

i’m in my late teens, y’know- prime time for the whole plethora of romantic and sexual “firsts” and i haven’t had any of them. not that i actually really want any of them… i’m just sad because i don’t want them i guess. i’m consistently left for a second priority cause people are getting in romantic relationships and they don’t even mean to. it’s just subconscious that a romantic partner is more of a priority than a friend. i’ve had multiple moments recently where i’ve been reading fanfic and questioned my sexuality, not because i actually felt attracted to the characters or realised that what the characters were going through mirrored my experience or anything, but because i’m so fucking lonely that faking my way through a romantic relationship in an allocentric world sounds more palatable than just… being alone, being second, forever. like, my primary love language is physical touch for gods sake. but people don’t tend to do shit like “platonic cuddling” and when they do it’s a “denial” thing and they’re “definitely into each other”. everywhere i step it’s romance romance romance and it is so fucking alienating to not participate in that but also like. i rationally know that that’s not a thing i want to participate in but also. i do want to participate because i feel left out or something.

And don’t even get me started on the sexual shit. being a virgin being seen as a funny insult and a pathetic thing. getting called an incel - people know the “in” stands for “involuntary” right? i don’t want to fuck. this celibacy is voluntary, dude (like yeah it stems from my asexuality, but everything stems from somewhere so no, i don’t particularly want to have sex). this is also more complicated by the fact that i’m trans but we don’t have time to unpack all that lmao. but yeah - i don’t think one realises just how much of everything is about that thing until they’re surrounded by it and cannot/do not want to participate.

tired af rn so this is not really as coherent as i wanted it to be but thanks for hearing me out anyway <3 i might reblog, edit or make an entire new post later elaborating on some of the points i made here but i can’t be bothered at the moment, i’ll probably go to sleep instead lol

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Hey same Gen z anon…I don’t if I can recover, but perhaps because of the fandom spaces I’m in. Can we stop treating irl abuse survivors like fictional characters such as Oliver Twist, Zuko, Harley Quinn, Harry Potter, and etc? They have good stories.

But I’m a human being, I work, I curse, I desire to fuck. Wanting to use fictional characters who at the end of the day are there to sell a product for reference to rl abuse survivors like me isn’t great.

Sorry, just feel like when discussing abuse online feel like everyone is still in their 15 year old mentality (especially women who identify as feminists. Any theory on that?)

And dear lord mainstream media since the 2010’s feel like a lot of writers have UNRESOLVED childhood issues. To the point Tyler Perry crossdressing ass with a GED was more mature with handle his trauma than modern writers who have mental health resources on a silver plater these days.

Yes, please, stop treating people like fictional characters for any reason. It's creepy and weird. And it's not even helpful in relating to other people, because these kinds of people can't even properly understand fictional characters when they're literally in their heads reading their thoughts. It's just such a childish way of viewing the world.

As for this

Sorry, just feel like when discussing abuse online feel like everyone is still in their 15 year old mentality (especially women who identify as feminists. Any theory on that?)

I guess my theory would be that feminists, like many left wing groups, view people as faceless members of a group. There are no individual men, all men are the worst man they've ever heard of combined with the worst aspects of their dad. There are no individual anti-feminists, just people who hate women and want to enslave them. That mentality, once you fall into it with one group, is very easy to fall into for everyone outside whatever group you identify with. You see it on the right, too, to be fair. It makes it very easy to distance yourself from the bad you see in others, and that's a mentality that's very much in style these days, when you're either a good guy or a bad guy and there's no in between.

But anyway, yeah, lots of people these days would benefit greatly from improving themselves, their mental health, and their shitty personalities.

[jaydenchip404]

Big Rant

I really need to trauma dump right now. So, serious stuff ahead.

Just so you know, I'm not suicidal right now. I've been clean from self-harm for 5 years now!

(my phone wallpaper for reference (higher quality re-creation of another wallpaper))

I don't know what's wrong with me right now. I WANT to be asexual. I WANT to not be attracted to anyone. For being on the a-spec, I don't understand asexuality. I made a post a while ago saying that I might be aceflux because sometimes I don't feel aroused in situations when I should be. But @Rainyve said that many people believe asexuals always have a low libido, which is false, and try to invalidate high libido asexuals, as they are two different things.”. So I just assume being asexual means not desiring sexual encounters/activities, whether they do or don't have a libido. I don't know at all. I have a normal to high libido, but I don’t want to have sex with anyone. It’s just so confusing.

Obsessing over my LGBTQIA+ labels—it's like this desperate attempt to divert myself from how utterly, painfully suicidal I feel. If I can convince myself I'm unique, maybe there's a reason to stick around. But then I'm left wondering if I'm genuinely queer or if I'm just masking, just trying to force myself into a mold to make life seem less empty, less pointless.

But, like, reading about all the different types of attractions makes me question everything. I get them mixed up because I find them hard to understand. Like isn’t sensual attraction just romantic attraction?

I want to go unlabeled and just exist as an entity that does or doesn’t feel things (bisexual and aromantic), but my OCD is forcing me to find that ONE label, that ONE term that encompasses me as a person. It’s just SOOOO much all at once. My anxiety about this is eating me. But not as bad as school and work have been eating me recently, but that’s another story. It's suffocating, it's exhausting, and I don't know how much longer I can keep it together.

I can’t talk to anyone about this either. Not my family, and I don’t have IRL friends. And people online can’t do much but act as a therapist for my trauma dumping. I feel bad for them.

I’m playing it fast and loose having my phone wallpaper having the bisexual flag colors. And whenever someone sees it they just get really quiet, but never say anything.

I’m so utterly alone in all this. I don’t know what to do… I guess living in my head and dating my fictional OCs or other characters is the best thing for me to do right now. Just fantasizing about my OTP dating.

I both do and don’t want to get my life together. I want to be me, but I don’t know how to accomplish my end goal.

I want to lose a ton of weight, dye my hair bright teal, clear up my acne, wear cute clothes (either E-girl or grunge), learn how to do makeup, and do testosterone but only to the point that it makes me look androgynous (mainly my voice), embrace being a butch, move into a cute little house that I can make look cottagecore (with fairy lights and polaroid pictures), get a girlfriend or boyfriend or joyfriend (or all at the same time!), make a ton of friends, get diagnosed with the proper mental disorders, get proper treatment for my mental disorders, be happy, visit my family very little, write books, become a (best selling) fantasy author, go to college, become a nurse, get married, have 3 children MAX, die old and happy.

I’m aegoromantic, aegosexual, agender, aplatonic, asocial, aurorian, biromantic, bisexual, cisgender, demiboy, demigirl, demisensual, expressionfluid, fictoromantic, genderfluid, genderless, gendervoid, greyromantic, ideaesthetic, idemromantic, lunoric, mascpotius, monoflexible, neutral, non-binary, panpronominal, panto-, perifluid, pronounfluid, tomboy, transmasculine.

This feels like it’s TOO many labels. But I’m unsure how to narrow this down without causing me dysphoria.

I haven't had a crush since 5th grade so I don't know how to deal with romance.

To put that into perspective, I'm 17, and 5th grade is around 10 to 11 years old. I haven't had a crush since I was around 11 years old, since I was held a year back, so I haven't had a crush in 6 years.

I still get 'crushes' (mainly on fictional characters (mainly girls)) but I don't ever want to be in relationships of any type with anyone.

I don't know. I want to be different but in the same way as everyone else.

My mom and I were chatting about my upcoming birthday, and I just can't stand it. In a feeble attempt to lighten the mood, I joked about needing to start paying rent soon. And ya know what she said? She dropped this bomb on me, like it was nothing. 'You'll have to start footing the bill for your own food, clothes, and gas once you're driving.' It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I don't want any of this. I don't want to grow up, to shoulder all these responsibilities. The mere thought of it sends me spiraling into despair. It's suffocating, this weight pressing down on me, crushing any semblance of hope or joy I ever had. I feel like I'm drowning, utterly alone in this vast ocean of adulthood.

And what's worse, I'm expected to fend for myself on a measly $200 a week. It's laughable, really. How am I supposed to survive on that? It's a cruel joke, a slap in the face from life itself. So, the total cost for just 1 week could range from approximately $330 to $420, depending on my specific circumstances and choices with my money.

Right now, I'm drowning in this overwhelming sense of hopelessness. I can't see a way out, can't find a glimmer of light in this suffocating darkness. It's like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, and the only way out seems to be to just let go and fall.

For my 18th birthday, my mom suddenly decides to remember the promises she made way back when I turned 10. Talk about dragging her feet! She acts like she's doing me some huge favor by finally following through now that I’m an adult.

She's all like, 'Oh, you can shave the side of your head.' Like, seriously? I've been waiting for ages for her to come around on this, and now she acts like it's some big revelation now that I'll be an adult. I guess I'll just go with the side shave since it's not like it's permanent or anything. And then there's the whole 'getting my ears double pierced' thing. Again, something she promised years ago and conveniently forgot about until now.

Oh, and let's not forget the new phone and phone case she's throwing in as if that somehow makes up for all the years of broken promises. Yeah, thanks, Mom, but a little consistency would've been nice.

I made the mistake of showing my mom some stuff on my Pinterest—ya know, cute haircuts, outfits, things I've been dreaming about since I was a kid. But then, horror of horrors, she accidentally stumbled upon my other boards when attempting to switch apps. The ones that scream LGBTQIA+ loud and clear, with a literal board titled 'My Type' featuring pretty girls and boys I find attractive.

I felt my heart drop to the floor. Panic set in like a tidal wave. What if she saw? What if she realized? The fear was paralyzing.

To make matters worse, she kept jumping out of Pinterest to Amazon on my phone’s web browser. And then it happened. She caught a glimpse of my phone background—a vibrant, unmistakably bisexual 90s pattern that I created during slow periods at work. I held my breath, waiting for her reaction, but she didn't say a word. Didn't even look at me.

I don't think it registered with her. Thank God for small mercies. But the fear, the sheer terror of being exposed, was suffocating.

I'm really struggling right now. The weight of it all feels unbearable. I can't shake this overwhelming sense of depression. The thought of stepping into adulthood terrifies me to my core.

I mean, look at me. I won't even graduate high school until I'm 19, or maybe even 20 if I can't pull through this trimester. It's like I'm stuck in this perpetual limbo, watching everyone else move forward while I'm trapped in place, suffocating under the pressure to grow up.

And what awaits me? A life of endless toil, paycheck to paycheck, with no room for happiness, no room for fun, no room for friendships or meaningful connections. Just the daily grind, from 9 to 5, until I'm too exhausted to even think.

And don't even get me started on college. The cost is astronomical, a barrier so high it might as well be insurmountable. How am I supposed to afford $3,000 for community college, let alone $50,000 for a private institution? It's a cruel joke, a slap in the face to anyone who dares to dream of a better future.

I'm beginning to see why kids as young as 13 are scrambling to get jobs. In a world where money reigns supreme, where success is measured in dollars and cents, it's like we're set up to fail from the start. If you're not born into wealth or stumble into fame, you might as well kiss any hopes of a bright future goodbye.

I'm drowning in hopelessness here. There's no light at the end of the tunnel, no glimmer of hope to cling to. It's like I'm trapped in a never-ending nightmare, with no way out.

I care more about my sexuality than I do my gender. I know I'm genderfluid between man, woman, agender/genderless/gendervoid, non-binary, and pangender, end of story. My sexuality is just confusing, like I like all genders, but only boys and girls (NOT male and female)???? It's like I'm bisexual and pansexual at the same time. I mainly just go with bisexual since it means 2+, and I'm fine with that. But my romantic/other orientation is what makes me mad, I can't for the life of me figure out what it is. I like greyromanitc, but it's just a loose, fits all, term. I both do and don't experience romantic attraction. It's just so confusing and making me mad that I can't find the perfect label and stuff.

My identity crisis, school, work, growing up, my mom, my personal life, it’s all so suffocating.

I DO NOT want to be real. I want to be in my own fan fiction. My perfect fantasy world. I want to be a witch so bad and wield magic. I would do anything to not live in reality.

[pettyrevenge-base]

Don’t respect women’s bodily autonomy? Then I’ll exercise mine by weaponizing my ass against you!

First, some background: I have seriously stanky farts. I’m talking face-melting, mind-rending, nightmare-inducing smells. Gas that will make you question your belief (or confirm your doubt) in the existence of a just and loving god. It’s not lactose intolerance, gluten intolerance, celiac, Crohn’s, SIBO, anything serious like that. I just have extra-funky gut bacteria that enjoy turning anything I eat into noxious, creeping clouds of ass-death.

I generally try to use my power responsibly. I’ll excuse myself from the room, warn others to avoid ground zero after a bomb’s been detonated, or even stick my butt out of a door or window if the situation so requires. But I’m also not above using my gas to go on the offensive against those that deserve it. That’s what this story is about.

This past Saturday, my husband, his brother, my sister and I went out for lunch. I won’t go through the rather convoluted circumstances that brought the group together, but it wasn’t exactly a pairing of choice. My husband’s brother—let’s call him Chad—is basically a walking caricature of an immature, extremely-online dudebro who approximates having a personality by acting like an IRL Twitter troll. My husband and I try to spend no more time around him than being family requires; my poor sister was getting her first extended exposure to him and definitely wasn’t enjoying it. For reasons that will become apparent, I’ll note that Chad was driving, and he’s got a new car that he’s very protective of.

Anyways, on our back from the restaurant—we went for Vietnamese—we passed by a small protest against the leaked Roe opinion. Naturally, that’s Chad’s cue to chime in with the most repulsive take imaginable. “Holy shit,” he screeches, “nobody fucking CARES! These cunts need to get a fucking life already.” My husband shakes his head and says “Dude, you’re such an asshole.” My sister lets out an exaggerated sigh. I’m ready to go on a rant that would’ve left him crying for his alt-right internet buddies . . . but then I felt a slight bubbling in my tummy, and I had an even better idea.

You see, while my farts are awful no matter what I eat, there are certain foods that take them to a whole ‘nother level of putridity. And it just so happens that pho, which I had ordered at lunch, is near the top of that list. I’m not sure why, but my gut’s grotesque alchemy never fails to turn those tiny bowls of noodles, beef, and broth into my very own organic nerve gas. I’d normally never consider unleashing that kind of horror in an enclosed space, but this was my chance to ruin Chad’s afternoon, and I had to take it.

With the discreet lift of a cheek and slight flex of my ab muscles, I let it go like Elsa. And I knew right away that “it” was going to be all that I had bargained for and then some⁠—four seconds of silent steam that instantly warmed the car seat to 100 degrees celsi-ass. I cleared my throat and declared, calmly and confidently, “I am SO sorry.” My husband and sister recognized this as my code phrase used whenever I drop the hammer in the company of others, and it naturally sent them into a minor panic. They both started jamming at the window controls, only to find they were locked. My husband told Chad to open the windows. “Nah, it’s raining,” Chad replied. (It was more like a faint drizzle.) “No, seriously dude, open the fucking windows,” my husband implored with increasing urgency. Chad held firm. “Not getting the leather wet.” Fatalism set in. My sister pulled her scarf over her nose. My husband wrapped his arm around his face like an 8-year old playing Dracula. Chad drove along, oblivious.

And then the stink tsunami that I had sent rolling through the atmosphere crested and crashed. As Chad didn’t take precautionary measures, he was the first to react. He emitted a guttural, animalistic cry of anguish and began coughing. “Eugagugghhhrrrr. . .what the *cough* fuck *cough* . . . the fuck is that smell?” I was more than happy to take responsibility for this one. “Excuse me,” I said. “I farted. That was my choice.” Chad tried to respond but was struggling too much to breathe to get the words out. The windows went down, but it was too late for that to do any good, and Chad soon pulled over⁠—I think the car was still moving when he practically jumped out of it. As he stood there in the rain cursing me out (“disgusting bitch,” “that smell is fucking inhuman,” “women shouldn’t even do that” etc.) I just smiled and smiled. I may not have solved anything but damn, it felt good to fight back. Even after he got back in the car he was complaining that it still stunk, and honestly, I hope it still does. For weeks.

Source: reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge

[illegiblewords]

Personal ranting.

Right now I’m pretty stressed out. I’ve had a slew of medical crap happening, family stuff, and job stuff I need to get in order. Feeling very intimidated, sad, alone, and overwhelmed.

Referring to past relationships--I’ve repeatedly gone through points in my life where I bent over backwards to help other people, whether with tasks or by offering emotional support. Often when I’ve done this, I’ve found it was one-sided. Although not with family, there have been times with friends when I got treated like a side-character whose experiences were of no consequence. Someone who would never warrant anyone’s priority and only existed as a prop. When I was at the sickest I’d ever been, an IRL person I thought was my friend told me he hoped I didn’t get help because then I’d have to share a house with him and pay rent. There’s been a lot of shit like that. At this point I even get nervous about sharing things I think will brighten other peoples’ days or things that make me happy because that can go wrong too. It has repeatedly and I fucking hate it. I guess I’m also trying to sort of... steel myself, and fix this shit alone. And I’m scared that I’ve struggled with it for too long and too much time has passed for me to get on top of things. In a weird way what I’m trying to hold onto is that there are people who lose decades to addiction or illness before coming out the other side. There are people whose rock bottom involves losing their homes or having no family left--and they pick themselves up to find happiness. Because if those people, who have gone through their own fears and hells can do it--I can too. I’m kind of angry and upset that I feel scared to confide in others one-on-one right now. It’s mainly just a series of bad historical experiences that have me skittish, combined with guilt/worry that I’d be looked at as a bad person or dishonest for admitting I’m having trouble right now. And then at the same time in my heart going ‘why can everyone else feel shit but not me?’ I saw a post earlier where people lashed out at a stranger online for sharing a happy routine she’d formed with her husband. They were snapping that it upset them to see her happy when they’d had terrible times, that she wasn’t humble enough about having a shred of happiness, that she couldn’t actually be happy if she’d bothered to express it to others. Life is hard enough! There’s enough darkness in the world! Why the fuck if you see other people experiencing and expressing joy would you take it upon yourself to snuff that out instead of use it as a reminder that things can get better? If you have a choice in whether to let people have a positive experience or twist it into something ugly, why would you do the latter? Not everyone WANTS to do the weird manipulation power-game garbage. And like... I know there will always be people in the world who hate me for existing as myself. I’m not unique in that respect. Human cruelty and pettiness is very much a thing and it’s a lesson not to let those sorts run your life. But seeing crap like how people reacted to that post makes me nervous to speak or act in good faith, because my happiness could also get warped and used as a weapon. Assuming those efforts aren’t just ripped away and stomped on so I can’t have them either. Basically I’m trying to reject the negative garbage and push myself somewhere better. It’s just really hard and I feel like I have to do it by myself.

[positivityforlesbians]

Hey so I’m not sure if there’s a central point to this ask but what do you do when you feel more or less “outnumbered”? I stupidly searched some tags that I knew would upset me and it seems like so many people have an inherent bias against “white cis lesbians” and it seems like they throw the word white in front of it just to get away with being misogynistic and homophobic because their arguments are never about race. They’re about if someone is in the wrong for having sexual boundaries. Also, I’m not even white and those posts make me feel like a bigot for being a lesbian. Which is how I know that adding “white” is so superficial. I keep reading that my aversion to male genitalia (even the male genitalia that has been surgically restructured) makes me transphobic and that i need to unlearn that aversion but it just doesn’t make sense to me?? I look to the comments and see one or two others like myself who are genuinely confused and the most common response is “I’m not google” or “examine the root of your preferences”. But my examining is so brief because I was literally BORN THIS WAY. I think about it and it’s so clear to me that my body and brain love female bodies and are repulsed by male bodies. It all feels like mass brain washing and conversion therapy.

To make matters worse, there’s no safe way to even vent this frustration without being called a “terf”. I feel like being born a same sex attracted woman has doomed me to inevitably being labeled a terf when idek much about terfs other than being called one is a really bad thing. People are supposed to pick ideology/schools of thought. From what I’ve seen, lesbians who are vocal about their sexuality are forced into that box by other people. If that makes sense? Its almost comically absurd. I’d laugh if it weren’t so horrific and homophobic. I feel like I can’t loudly and proudly be a lesbian and it SUCKS because I spent all of high school in the closet and I just feel robbed and I feel betrayed by supposed members of my… “community” who, quite frankly, hate actual homosexuals whether they want to admit it or not. I guess I wanted to know if you think there’s hope for lesbians? Or if the game is rigged for us to be hated by both the left and right? Do you think there are many other lesbians like me who are silently fed up with being the scapegoat of so many people’s anger and insecurity? Is there anything you do to feel better about being unable want male bodies when it feels like literally every other “queer” woman online does/is willing to? I get republicans thinking I’m a freak for loving women. It truly baffles me when democrats, liberals, and fellow gay/bi people also think I’m a bad person for how I was born. It’s so horribly lonely.

Firstly, I once again apologize for being so long to answer. All your concerns are valid and I want you to know that there are absolutely many other lesbians like you who are silently fed up with this hatred against us. Make no mistake it is indeed lesbophobia, this time it's more effective because it hides in plain sight, it goes from mouth to mouth so often unchallenged because people are so afraid to be seen as ostracising and exclusionary.

No matter what these new homophobes say though, we are still unable to change who we are, and why would we want that anyway ? The atmosphere is so toxic, so intoxicating, that lesbians just existing in western supposedly progressive countries are called "terfs" and "transphobes". The ones who are not called that are lucky for now because they're either careful and lying about their real opinion on the matter (which isn't even an opinion but a fact, we are not attracted to the opposite sex) - which worsen it all for the rest of us (no "thank you" to any of you reading this, you're simply hypocritical if you are out there calling us transphobes when you damn well know you wouldn't actually like sex involving pe**s either, duh) or not involved on social media or lgbt spaces irl so they don't know what's going on (which ... I'm kind of jealous of that). The best thing you can do to put distance between this new type of lesbophobia and you is to find the actual self-loving lesbians who are not afraid to be called names if this means being true to our sexual orientation. It's okay to be solely attracted to the same-sex, it's okay to be a lesbian, lesbophobes can die mad about it. ✨

[serenaluna15]

I sort of stumbled into learning my identity. I never really had crushes; I simply picked someone out and claimed to like them. Looking back, I never actually cared if they liked me back. I would have been happy with us as friends and I enjoyed the few times I did hang out with them. Heck, the only date I’ve ever been on (if you can call it a date) was with one of my friends and we just gushed about Transformers for hours.

I started using Tumblr sometime in high school. Idk how but at some point I stumbled onto the ace side of Tumblr. All the memes, moodboards, and honest thoughts just spoke to me. I had realized I was ace. Before then, I thought I was Pan, but that’s only really because my bf suggested it. I tried talking to my parents about it, but they didn’t believe me (“you’ll find the right person” and all that). I just left it at that until Covid. I discovered Oriented Aroace and it all clicked. I’ve been IDing as that for roughly three years, and couldn’t be happier.

I’ve gone again and talked to my mom about it. She seems supportive, but her therapist instincts to psychoanalyze what I say IS NOT helpful. I’m not even trying with my dad, the man was raised Catholic I know where that goes. I’ve never made an official announcement outing myself, but I have the rings, and fun ID card, and an pin on the way. I can firmly say I am as out as I can be at the moment irl. Way more out online. The first thing on my Tumblr blog is my orientation and I constantly reblog oriented aroace, aroace, aro, and ace stuff that comes across my dashboard.

[journals-of-the-guardian-project]

Writing For Once

Shocker

I don't know how much I like this drabble, but I WROTE SOMETHING! Where does it fit in the timeline for the au? WHO knows! Somewhere earlier. Does it hint at things that I haven't explained or talked about online? YES. Sorry. Lets hope that this drabble means writing the first chapter of the actual fic soon

But I mean... It's something so

Have at it! I want to see how many people enjoy just this fic drabble that might not fully be canon. I know some parts will be, like Chat Noir having complicated feelings around Christmas, but the events not to sure of.

Anyway, inspired by irl feelings and other people's feelings that I think fit for my rewrite of the character.

There is something about this time of year that had usually left Adrien feeling warm. He remembers so many fond Christmas's with his mother, and they were often the clearest times in his foggy memory.

Which was its own issue, his memories. He never knew whether to trust them, what was real and what might have just been a dream. A foggy, distant dream.

Despite that, his memories with his mother had always been the clearest. He chuckles when he recalls his excitement over Santa; it had actually taken quite a few years of holidays to fully grasp who he should be excited about. He had so many issues with memories in the past, he had to be introduced to so many things often.

Despite that, there was something so warm about these memories that made his present so dim in a way. So depressing.

His father wasn’t able to celebrate Christmas like they usually did this year. He supposed it was fair, his father is a busy man. A man who was still grieving over a loss that happened almost a year ago from now. Adrien couldn’t bring himself to blame his father. As much as he hated it. That his father couldn't bring himself

But there was something he hated so much more right now. The silence, the bleak, it was too much. He could usually handle it but it just felt…

Awful.

So now here he is. Chat Noir. Ran away, had caused an akuma, grief and more traumatic memories to the civilians of Paris, and on Christmas nonetheless. And he still doesn’t feel any better than before. If anything, he feels more stupid than before. Throwing a fit and taking it out on people who didn’t deserve it.

The question still remained in his mind though is… who did?

He couldn’t blame his father, it wasn’t fair to ask him to get over his grief like this. Nathalie and Gorilla? They do what they are paid. Staying overtime for Adrien's one upset Christmas isn’t worth it. 

He would continue to go back and forth in his mind, before he heard a zip from behind him. A frankly familiar zip that could only belong to one person.

“Hi Chat”

Almost uncertain, yet spoken with confidence. Chat smiled, not even needing to turn around.

“Is that a ladybug I’m hearing? No, couldn’t be. I didn’t think they made it this high up”

A scoff from behind him and a quiet chuckle, he finally turned around to see his efforts.

His ladybug, well, now going by Ladybelle, stood a few feet away from him. Her ribbons follow the gentle wind, before coming back again, in a similar fashion to her pigtails. Her chuckles faded out rather quickly though, her attention focused back on him.

It made him a little nervous, he didn’t know why

“Today was a.. pretty rough akuma wouldn’t you say?” She quickly skittered over to his side, pausing briefly for his permission before sitting beside him. “You seemed a little off today… are you okay? You're not usually so… depressed.”

“Haha, keen as ever huh m’lady?” he chuckled awkwardly. Yet, it didn’t take the look off of her face. "It's.. been a rough day I guess"

Ladybelle hummed in acknowledgement, nodding to him to continue.

"Daaah it's nothing really. Today was.. I wasn't at my best today. It won't happen again!"

She nodded her head, her smile unconvinced. 

"Well, today's akuma took a lot out of me too. I figured… maybe we could sit up here for a bit and enjoy tonight? Watch a few videos?"

She asked awkwardly, yet it was just the thing he needed.

"Please"

The bug beamed at that moment, quickly standing up and promising to be back soon. And if she had looked closely before leaving, she would have seen his pupils grow in size at the offer. And a warm flush over his face.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ladybelle wasn’t sure what to expect when she went out for the night. After the akuma fight today, Chat Noir had seemed more tired than usual.

Maybe it was in her own head, or her exhaustion projecting, but she couldn’t get him off her mind since they said their goodbyes.

When she reached their spot, she saw him. Sitting on the edge, drooped. But she let a small smile come to her face when his ears perked up to her entrance.

After a few brief exchanges, she was on her way back to her home for a quick stop.

Yet not as quick as she would have liked.

Almost crashing in (almost), she rushed to detransform and scrambled to the kitchen. Reminding herself to be mindful of her parents’ sleeping, she rummaged through the blankets they had available in a separate cabinet. Grabbing three for good measure before speed walking to the kitchen section of the combined living space.

Opening the fridge she grabbed the cookies she had baked earlier that day. They had originally been for someone else.. but this was more important.

Tikki munched on her snack quietly as Marinette paced, trying to think of what else she will need.

And like that, they were off once more.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chat Noir hadn’t moved an inch since she had left, and silently ladybelle was glad another akuma hadn’t surfaced in her absence. Whether Papillion hadn’t bothered to send one out for who knows why, or her chat’s down attitude wasn’t enough for one to appear.

Regardless, Ladybelle once again made her way to his side.

“I have the promised goods!” she affirmed, watching the cat hero’s eyes brighten in curiosity as he peered at the bag in her hands. He seemed more cat-like when he was quieter, which was more than a little funny to Ladybelle.

It didn’t take long to set up a movie and dish out the blankets. Ladybelle chortled when she revealed the treats, she could almost see the instant drool from her kitty’s face. Though he snapped out of it pretty quickly.

For the first time she had come back that night, he spoke, “You didn’t need to do all this you know.”

“Hm?”

“All… this. I do appreciate it M’lady don’t get me wrong! But…”

He paused, and she turned back around from placing the blankets to look at him. “...Are you okay Chat?”

He looked away, then back to her again. 

Almost debating something.

“Could I vent to you a little?” he asked, “I know you don’t like talking about our personal lives so I’ll keep the details vague but..”

“Ok” She readily agreed

“Oh uh ok. I didn’t think you’d actually be.. cool! Cool” Chat noir coughed. “I guess you could say my family isn’t.. the greatest. Actually, this time of year used to be happier for all of us. My father has been getting busier over the years and.. well usually we get to have Christmas together. But this year has been.. different.

"Haha, I... I guess this year has just been too different for me. As stupid as it is…” tears pricked his eyes, mumbling the last part.

She didn’t say anything, so he continued.

“M’lady.. I don’t know how much you enjoy the holidays. And if I’m frank, I’m really tired of it all”

“Of..?” she quietly prompted.

“Of the-  DAH- The Christmas everything! The- There is so much right now that talks about love and caring and being merry around now. Sitting around the tree for presents or just the presents in general. The decorations and feelings it… it would normally be right up my alley.”

He paused somberly, kneading the blanket he had grabbed a few minutes prior. Ladybelle couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

“Everything has changed so much at my home.” He lifted his head toward the sky “and.. I feel more… lonely than I ever have? And I hate that.. And that it’s only changed for me. Everything else stays the same, the advertisements, the gifts, the same gift cards and letters, and AND BUSINESS!”

With every exclamation his hair and tail seemed to frazzle more.

“And- and..” his lip started to tremble. “I hate, that I’m getting upset over this one year. But… what if it never goes back to how it usually is?

"That.. my family won’t ever-” his voice cracked. “They won’t ever sit around that tree like you might see in the media. For the perfect family. Or I guess, at least a regular family. No more… perfect decorations that just encapsulate the magic around this time. I hate that.. that has to change. I’m making a big fuss” he said, as if spitting out the word, “over something so.. Stupid…” 

He became quieter with his last statement, then a long pause followed. He wouldn’t make eye contact with her, and she didn’t need him to. She didn’t really know how to respond honestly.

So she sat there.

And waited for him.

And eventually, he quietly asked “Ladybelle… what do you think of Christmas?

"Or.. really just the holidays i guess heh.. I don’t think you’ve ever told me what you celebrate.”

“Oh uhh” she awkwardly cleared her throat “My parents celebrate it, maybe not the more traditional connections but it’s a.. It’s nice.

They usually take a few days off for us, after the holiday works them tired. It gets busy. But.. they make sure to spend time with me.”

“They seem nice” he softly responded, looking at her.

“Yeah, they are.” she smiled “I hope I can introduce them to you someday.”

“I’d like that M’lady”

Ladybelle pursed her lips “And.. I don’t think you’re as alone as you think. Not everyone has a ‘merry’ Christmas and.. and that’s ok. I know a few people that don’t really enjoy it either”

She nervously coughed for a second “heh I don’t know if that helps! I guess I can’t relate too much. At least- for christmas.”

Chat noir looked at her and softly smiled, “no, that.. That helps. Thank you”

“It was no problem, kitty! It’s the least I could do.” Reaching out her hand, she formed a fist and held it in an invitation. To which the black cat user returned. “Pound it.”

“Now uh, do you want to watch a movie? It doesn’t need to be christmas-related but maybe something that could take your mind off of it.”

“That sounds absolutely purrrfect, Buginette!”

Ladybelle drooped exaggeratingly as she reached for her laptop “Oh NO, the puns are back!!” she groaned as he laughed in response.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It didn’t take long until they were both snuggled together in the blankets, eating cookies and enjoying the movie they had put on, “Beauty and the Beast”.

It was a favorite of Chat Noir’s, Ladybelle would learn. He used to watch it with his mom.

Now they were about halfway through the film, it would soon be one in the morning. Chat’s head had ended up leaning on her shoulder as they watched the film, and she didn’t object. A quiet rumbling came from his chest, and she felt the urge to pet his head weirdly enough. She shoved that down though.

“Thank you”

“Hm?” She glanced at him

“Thank you. You didn’t have to listen, and do all this. But you did”

“Well, that's what friends do right? When they are down. I-I mean, I know we haven’t known each other for too long but-”

His eyes seemed to glow impossibly brighter at that. “We’re friends.” He said, almost more a question than a statement.

But regardless, she still answered while smiling “Yeah, we are.” 

Chat’s purrs were louder the rest of the movie