#positive relationships

[whatbigotspost]

I would love if you got started on the Benjamin Franklin effect, please fill me in

Oh dear how did I miss this lil prod from days ago to ramble on about something I mentioned in my tags?! I never miss a chance to ramble! No time like the present I suppose.

As anyone who’s followed me too long will well know, I love a cognitive bias or lil human psychology fun fact. This is yet another one I’ve collected over the years. In its shortest form, the Benjamin Franklin Effect is a cognitive bias that “causes people to like someone more after they do that person a favor, especially if they previously disliked that person or felt neutral toward them.”

I’m sure the science behind it is dense but I’m fairly unfamiliar with all that 😂 For me, this is just one of those interpersonal skills I strategically deploy when needed in life and work. As a nonprofit fundraiser/someone who works in philanthropy, I’m constantly asking very “important” or “fancy” people for large sums of money and before said large sums can be asked for (to employ 20 people in feminist work in Texas year round) you usually have to build a positive and trusting relationship. It’s extremely useful to be able to fast track that process, so I ask for the favor of getting a chance to “pick their brains” about something they have expertise in or I ask them to speak at an event, etc. It’s effective!

But this tool has usefulness in SO MANY ways beyond work, too. And if you know about it, you can even be aware when someone is using it on you. The very person who taught me about it…let’s call her Becky, years later, used it on me. Becky and I had experienced a falling out and she had reached out and apologized. We eventually met up to catch up over coffee and the next thing I knew, I had agreed to help give advice to her friend who is also a nonprofit fundraiser. Becky’s friend had a work conundrum and she needed to troubleshoot it with someone like me and there I was agreeing to do Becky a favor and I couldn’t resist being like “I know what you’re doing bitch and it IS working” 😂

As someone who is not naturally the most adept at navigating social situations but who made creating positive relationships w/ other human beings a lifelong special interest approx 30 years ago, it’s so helpful for me. I just keep on collecting ways that you can tangibly build rapport with others to have ready in my back pocket and I can say with certainty this is an effective one when used well.

Clearly I’m not saying to be a manipulative, calculating asshole in life, but understanding how to utilize tools like these can be a huge help when/if you need them.

Anyway, use wisely and enjoy 😘

[fixing-bad-posts]

[ID: text edited blackout poetry style with an image of peacock feathers. Resulting text reads, "Surround yourself with people you trust."]

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Surround yourself with people you trust

Submitted by @autisticfordprefect

[theskyispinkblog]

Surround yourself with loving, positive, and supportive people.

Don't waste your time and energy on relationships that bring you down.

[unwelcome-ozian]

hi! do you have any information on how to help someone leave a cult? one of my friends got into a cult two months ago, and now she's acting like a completely different person, i'm very worried for her. the cult is all she talks about, and she's actively trying to invite other people because she seems to believe what they did to her was amazing and everyone should go through it. i would ask her family for help, but it turns out her parents were indoctrinated first and were actually the ones who invited her. i'm really unsure what to do, i'll be very thankful for any information you can give me

Hello.  First I want to let you know that I hear your concern for your friend.  It is hard to know how to support someone who may be involved with people who could cause them harm.

It is important to understand that you can’t help someone leave a cult who doesn’t want help leaving. You can, however, show them that your care for them as a person is not tied to whether or not they are in a cult or hold your same beliefs.  This matters, even if you don’t immediately or even ever see them totally free from the cult.  

Cults use love-bombing in order to gain control of people, so it is to be expected that she is excited about her experience right now.  Cults try to isolate their members, so to the degree that you still have contact with her, you may be able to share conversations and activities that are not centered around the cult.  If all you are doing is talking, then it is easy to just focus on the cult, but if you are doing an activity, at least part of the activity time can contribute to a positive experience of life outside of the cult experience.   It is sometimes helpful to listen or find out what the beliefs are either through research or by listening, without the goal of arguing, which may reinforce the gap between your thinking and your friend’s “new” way of thinking, rather to understand the things that your friend finds important.  You can still validate her feelings, without expressing agreement with her beliefs. If she doesn't feel her beliefs are a threat to your friendship, she may not feel as compelled to justify them. Can you ask your friend about their feelings or opinions or expertise that she may have that are outside of the main focus of the cult?   Are there fun things to do together that involve beauty or nature or adventure or other life-giving forms of discovery?  You may be able to acknowledge and affirm the life she finds in those things.  Your friend’s experience in life-giving activities and relationships outside of the cult will have a positive impact on your friend in a way that is helpful, whether she decides to leave the cult or not. 

All of this is to say that your best chance of helping your friend is by being a person who is safe and who displays acceptance and care for her as a person and who respects her choices, even when you wish they are different.  This is different from how cults treat people, who must conform to their perspective in order to belong.  The cult is very good at using cult tactics in order to get people to conform with their wishes, so if your friend does grow distant, recognize that this is not about their making a free choice, and try not to take the distance personally.

It is also important for you to be prepared to grieve the loss of relationship you experience as your friendship changes.  It may seem like something has only happened to your friend, but  in any relationship, when one person changes, it will have an impact on the other.  Something is always lost with any kind of change (including positive change), even if it is the way things were.  Knowing this, the choice is yours whether to  to stay in the friendship; you are not obliged to do any of those things that I mentioned might be helpful if the cost becomes too great for your own wellbeing.  It is important that you take care of yourself, get support that you may need, and decide if and how you would like to continue to interact with your friend. 

I hope your friend finds her way back to freedom.  And I wish you well also.

~Josha

[universal-jay]

To ensure that you're treating others with empathy and compassion:

1. Keep an open mind: When interacting with others, try to keep an open mind and be receptive to new ideas, perspectives, and experiences. By doing so, you can broaden your own worldview and develop a deeper appreciation for others.

2. Respect boundaries: Respect others' boundaries and sensitivities by establishing clear communication and healthy boundaries. This includes asking for consent when engaging in any physical or emotional intimacy, listening to others' concerns and needs, and being mindful of your own boundaries.

3. Recognize your own biases: Everyone has their own biases and prejudices, and recognizing them is the first step toward developing empathy and compassion. Try to reflect on your own beliefs and assumptions, and consider how they may impact your interactions with others.

4. Practice self-care: It's important to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of others. Take breaks when needed, engage in self-care activities, and seek support from trusted friends or professionals when needed.

Treating others with empathy and compassion is a lifelong journey that requires effort, awareness, and a willingness to see the world from new and different perspectives. By following these steps, you can cultivate stronger relationships with others and contribute to a more compassionate and just world.

[sock-puppetlife]

I have so many people I love who love me and I'm so lucky to have that

[thatbookgirl1118]

People really underestimate and undervalue the importance of telling your friends you love them, often and seriously. Don't make it a joke. Don't undermine the importance and truth of the message. Tell your friends you love them. They'll say it back.

And at some point, your heart will squeeze with joy at how casually the phrase is used in your conversations, and you'll realize just how important it is.

[lovegatha]

The Love Language Blunders: 10 Mistakes to Avoid in Expressing Love

Check out our latest blog post on Lovegatha.com, "Love Mistakes 101: 10 Common Pitfalls to Avoid When Expressing Your Love." Learn about the most common mistakes people make when expressing their love and how to avoid them. Don't let these love faux pas r

Love Mistakes and How to Avoid Them Introduction Love is a complex emotion that can be difficult to express, especially when it comes to putting our feelings into words. While we may have the best intentions, sometimes we can unknowingly make mistakes that can hinder our ability to communicate our love effectively. In this blog, we will explore 10 common mistakes people make when expressing…

[leam1983]

Vampires in Broad Daylight

Having finished Interview with the Vampire with Walter, we found ourselves discussing the subject matter while under the covers. I was already snuggled up against him last night, eyes closed, but with my mind still fully active. He did as he usually does in these moments, and followed along while his pinched airways made him snore every other sentence. You could've sworn we were both asleep, but Walt's slight gestures when he raised a point, or his raising and lowering eyebrows, would've betrayed that we were in the midst of an interesting bit of discourse.

Back when Neil Jordan gave it his shot, all the Straights ever saw involved pretty monsters doing monstrous things to each other. Jordan's treatment buried the gay subtext under moral quandaries and enough sentiment to make even Herman Hesse's ghost tell Rice to tone it down. Now we've got a version vetoed by Christopher Rice himself, and the gay subtext isn't sub anymore. Louis de Pointe du Lac and Lestat de Lioncourt are gay. That's the series' beginning thesis. That reframes a few things interestingly - and posits that before being the "Brat Prince", Lestat was - and likely still is - a toxic individual to be around.

Walter started telling me about one of his earlier trysts, before he knew to embrace his own nature and to pursue love out of the perception that he deserved it. There was this guy, or so he tells me, who was the very picture of success. Clean-cut, fit, dressed to the nines in a way that made Sartoriophiles like Walter sweat bullets, cultured, pleasant to be around - and supposedly a living god in the bedsheets. Walter hung out with him for a few years, in the seventies. He rode the best cars, booked the best restaurants, and made Walt feel like someone finally appreciated him.

Then the microaggressions started. Tiny comments on Walter's weight, on his choice of tailoring, on the Marketing firm he was working in as a junior associate, at the time. On the food he ate, on how he snored in bed. On how he never had enough stamina to finish, when he took the lead. On how Walt was, and is, the type to roll over and fall asleep after sex. The truth is the guy didn't want to bare his soul or listen to Walter after doing the deed, he wanted to talk about himself. After doing exactly that for eight hours prior.

Walter didn't exist under this particular ex's wing. He merely survived. Walter ended up killing him - professionally - by exposing just how bloated our buddy's Expenses account was.

"Vampires exist," Walter told me. "They're the walking beacons, torches in the gloom of a Christmas afterparty. They've got more life than you or I combined - and everything is endlessly and forever about them."

His other hand rounded his gut and gently raised my head up. He had this precise look I keep falling for - a mixture of tiredness and boundless love; like we're not partners on equal footing for a minute or two, but I'm also existing as someone he also has avuncular fondness for; in parallel to the love that pulls us together.

I'm both his lover and the son he's never had.

"For every ounce of me you took over the past five years," he tells me, "you've given me a pound of your own. Your care, your attention, your time and your kindness - and you're always here, Grem. You listen, and you inspire me to keep doing the same. It feels like this jackoff sapped years out of me, and you make me feel twenty years younger."

I'm fighting to stay awake. "Even when we disagree on things?"

He smiled. "Especially when we disagree on things. We're constructive towards one another, and we're never so angry that we can't go back to one another, if you've noticed. We rephrase, reframe and apologize if need be... We work. We're not feeding off of one another, we're..."

He briefly lets me go to bring his hands together in a steeple. "We're feeding one another, instead," he says. "Not like parasites, though."

"We try and be symbiotic," I mumble. Walter repeats the word, mulls it over, I feel him nodding. He grunts in assent and his breaths start to deepen.

I wake up a few hours later. It's the middle of the night, I've rolled over on my side and Walt and I are spooning. I feel his head move slightly on the pillow, between his intakes and exhales. He's hugged me close without being too tight.

I remember Claudia's line about Lestat and Louis' breaths synching, when they share a coffin. Walt's pulse matches mine beat-for-beat. His exhales faintly smell of his Saturday evening pipe, like rythmic caresses on the nape of my neck.

You've got vampires who fizzle out after sapping the life-force out of everything they touch. Inconstant lovers who see themselves as a gift from God when they're more of an Infernal punishment. Maybe some vampires are like Walt and I, then: we give each other strength and I'm filled with the notion that the count of our years doesn't matter.

If I only get ten, maybe twenty good years with him, then these will be our Forever. Within the limits of that span of time, we'll effectively feel timeless.

[disaster-theysbian]

Holy heckballs I love the sort of hanging out that ISN'T "give me your undivided attention 100% of the time we spend together"

And is her doing something with the car or the garden while I'm working from home.

Me cooking and her cleaning up while we listen to music.

Her playing a video game and me doing some crochet.

Me drawing and her watching QI.

Draped over each other looking at our phones. Occasionally sending each other memes, and smirking at the other one waiting for it to come through.

The sort of hanging out that doesn't require any time recuperating spoons afterwards, becuase you're free to be your whole self and be loved as such just the same.

[feelingsoftheday]

Remember that the right person will never get tired of you even in the worst times

[sanjay-mohindroo]

“Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.” - Eileen Caddy

Sanjay Mohindroo Sanjay Mohindroo. stayingalive.in Discover the transformative power of gratitude with our guide on cultivating a grateful heart. Learn how expressing gratitude fosters growth, spreads joy, and strengthens relationships. Embrace the abundance in your life and invite more moments of bliss with a mindset of gratitude. #GratitudePower #SpreadJoy #GratefulHeart The Transformative…

[accuratebodylanguage]

Wanna better life?

Focus on positive, genuine, and meaningful relationships.

Be intentional on attracting and nurturing meaningful communication, conflict resolution, and connection with others.

It’s your choice.  

To have a better life …, you gotta be a better YOU …,

in order to attract better … more meaningful relationships.

Contact psychologist @JanetteGhedotte of @accuratebodylanguage to discover how you can achieve more meaningful relationships with others.

[dgspeaks]

The Power of Friendship: Boosting Wellness Through Connection

In the bustling rhythm of modern life, amidst the demands of work, family, and personal aspirations, it’s easy to overlook the profound impact that friendship can have on our overall well-being. Yet, nestled within the fabric of our daily interactions, friendship blooms as a powerful force, enriching our lives in ways both subtle and profound. The Heart of Connection Friendship is more than…

[tsusbengaluru]

The Shri Ram Universal School’s Top 10 classroom features fostering positive relationships

Children learn through examples, and it is quite evident when they mimic their teachers, elders and parents. Therefore, teaching them with explicit illustrations always brings results. For positive outcomes, it is essential that their classroom environment is able to support and foster ideal relationships. A school may have a specific approach towards creating a positive classroom environment. This feature makes all the difference in crafting the right memories long after children leave the campus.

The Shri Ram Universal School has a rich legacy that propels the fostering of classroom climate and positive relationships that matter to students. It focuses attention on engagement with teachers and parents. As one of the emerging top schools in North Bangalore, our teachers put the spotlight on characteristics that build the right habits.

Take a tour of our classroom ethics with this quick 5-minute post. It will help in understanding the development of our positive learning environment across classrooms. 

Why do positive relationships matter in classrooms?

Relationship skills are the very core of each well-lit classroom. In broader terms, they focus on a child’s ability to listen (especially to teachers) and effectively communicate with other kids and staff. In the case of some special children, a sensitive and caring relationship elicits the right emotional responses. Teachers become role models and allow children to be responsible. A very stimulating environment in the class all day long helps the children to be confident. It also encourages them to come to class and learn each day.

The 10 features which our teachers help learners with

Respect for all

Flexibility in dealing with others

Motivation to learn

Be curious and ask questions

Reflect on outcomes of relationships

Collaborate with teammates in studies and sports

Be persistent in activities and reaching goals

Express creativity across subjects

Become independent

Adopt learning habits

As one of the best schools in North Bangalore, Our traditional legacy fits the classrooms. Students brainstorm ideas that fill the classroom with their own examples. Younger students always look up to the attractive wall. They focus on the visual vocabulary and images and reflect on the characteristics.

Why do our students listen to the teachers?

Getting the children to keep their attention is a challenge for any teacher. However, our faculty has learned the art of getting kids excited to learn in the class. They are groomed well, and with tested methods, they ensure students listen with fascination. It ensures a positive classroom climate is maintained when the children remain inside. With years of experience and dealing gently, the teachers bring visuals to keep kids engaged. Along with visual reminders, the sweet tone of the voice keeps the class charged with enthusiasm.

As a parent, do you visualise your child entering this progressive environment on our campus? Why not take an actual tour of the school and check how teachers help children foster positive relationships in the class? We look forward to seeing you with an appointment.

[slushy-sash]

very important research