#putting my problems on others when theyre dealing with stuff too

[starsonmarsy]

.

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

[hyukalyptus]

or else what? —hueningkai x fem!reader | enemies to enemies with benefits(?). NSFW/MDNI!

cw. mean dom!kai, reader and kai are mean to each other, feat. soob and yj and their partners for a very short amount of time (not in smut part tho), camping, reader is a type A boss bitch kinda person, mentions of rain, kissing, hair pulling, mean names (slut, stupid, dumb, loser), pet names (baby), sex, light restraining, ruined orgasms, biting, nipple play, some dacryphilia, maybe a lil bit of publicness? (theyre at a campsite but implied no one else can hear anything), creampie, reader is embarrassed that she did stuff w kai and tells him, reader has a dog, reader is good at video games, chubby!reader implied, lmk if i missed anything! notes. im usually not one for mean stuff, im way more of a softie, so i tried something new but im quite nervous about it. oh! and this is based off a thought i posted the other week. lmk what ya think ;) smut under cut. wc. 4.1K

“Why are you being nice to him?” You snap at your dog who is currently greeting your friends at your front door. Normally, you wouldn’t mind, of course, but they have taken a particular liking for Kai. Apparently, you’re the only person in the world that hates him. Kai that is. The constant laughing, the sickeningly sweet optimism, and his sheer humility—it all screams fake to you.

You hate every little thing about him and he hates you right back. The way you disagree with everything he says just because, how you’re always pointing out when he’s wrong, how you seem to be depressingly pessimistic. You put up with each other for the sake of your friends—not everyone in every friend group has to get along, right? 

“Nice to see you too.”

“Someone separate them please?” Soobin asks. “I can’t deal with another argument right now.” He rubs his temple out of caution.

Everyone’s over for a game night—Soobin, his partner, River, as well as Yeonjun, and your best friend, Sage, who has been in an on-again-off-again relationship with him since they met. Right now, they’re off, but definitely still friendly. 

“How about some Smash Bros?”

“No,” you say to Kai. “Mario Kart.” 

“River and I have been talking about playing Smash Bros all day.”

“Not my problem.”

“How about we take a vote?” He suggests. You reluctantly agree, watching as you’re the only one that raises your hand to play Mario Kart before you glare at Sage, guilting them into voting for it too. Regardless of their vote, though, it’s still four against two. Kai sticks out his tongue at you just to rub it in your face. God, you hate it when he wins. 

“Maybe you should stop pouting,” Sage says, nudging your shoulder. “Beat him in the next round. You know you’re better than anyone here.” You take the opportunity to easily—and quickly—beat Kai in a one-on-one match. Now it’s his turn to pout while he grabs a snack. 

Luckily, everyone makes it through the night without any blood or tears shed but when the group’s annual camping trip comes up, the cold weather mixed with the prolonged close proximity to people leads to a grumpy Kai arguing with an even grumpier you. 

The reason behind the initial argument is long forgotten—you’re seemingly arguing over anything and everything from you stopping too often to take pictures to him taking sips from your water bottle, which he insists was an accident. Everyone’s keeping you two as far apart from each other as possible, with him leading the pack and you bringing up the rear. 

“It looks like it’s gonna rain soon,” River points out. “We should probably set up camp.” Everyone agrees, setting sights for the campsite. 

“What do you think about this spot over here, Sage?” You ask but are immediately answered with the guiltiest look from them, eyes glancing between you and Yeonjun. “Don’t tell me.” You roll your eyes for what feels like the millionth time that day. “You’re back together?” You ask quietly.

“Please don’t be mad,” they say. “It’s going really well this time.” 

“I didn’t bring another tent.” 

“Kai’s tent is huge,” Sage says, loud enough for Kai to hear, as if they’re making a suggestion to him. “Can she stay with you?” 

“I thought Yeonjun was sleeping in my tent.” 

“I was gonna stay in Sage’s,” Yeonjun responds, with an attempted wink. Everyone looks between each other, dodging each other’s eyes, no one wanting to give in. Everyone’s desperate to stay with their partners but you and Kai are desperate to not spend a single second alone together. Soobin and River won’t budge. Sage’s pleading eyes looking at you added to the pleading eyes Yeonjun sends Kai, you look at each other before he finally agrees—

“Fine,” Kai says, dropping the poles to the ground. “You gotta finish setting it up though. I’m gonna go get some water and refill the cooler with ice,” he says, leaving you with an impossible task. There’s a reason you didn’t bring your own tent.

Struggling with the tent for at least thirty minutes, it’s even less put together than when Kai turned the task over to you. The two couples have snuggled into their tents for the night and the drizzle is quickly turning into a downpour. Soaked, cold, and annoyed, Kai’s making his way back to you, anger etched all over his face when he doesn’t have a dry tent to walk into. 

“Do you not know how to put a tent up?”

“No, actually I don’t.”

“I could’ve set up three tents by now,” he says, but doesn’t have time to be much madder—he’s gotta get a roof over his own head. Without speaking, he takes over completely, getting it up in about ten minutes. It would’ve been quicker if he didn’t have to work in the rain. 

Settling in, you try to dry the parts of the interior that got wet from the rain, but it doesn’t help much. He peels off his now-soaked shirt and searches for a dry one. 

“Ah, that was my last t-shirt.”

“I’m sorry. I tried—”

“I don’t care,” he stops you, holding his hand up.

Falling silent, you change the subject, “What took you so long anyway?”

“I was talking to someone at the ice machine for a while,” he says matter-of-factly, holding up his laptop. “Wanna watch a movie before bed?” 

“No.” You lay your head on the stupid camping pillow hoping for some rest. But your plan is disrupted by the blaring trumpets of a movie intro. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Watching a movie.” 

“Turn it off.” 

“I didn’t ask for permission to watch it,” he points out. “I asked if you wanted to join me.”

“Isn’t it gonna bother the other campers?”

“Doubt they can hear it.”

Frustrated, you roll over and cover your ears. You thought you could sleep through anything, especially with the rain pouring outside, but you were wrong. Eventually, you give up, throwing your pillow down and slamming his laptop shut.

“What are you doing? You asshole—” he snaps, glaring at you. 

“Me? You’re the ass for not letting me sleep,” you fire back, narrowing your eyes. 

“I wasn’t supposed to have you in here anyway,” he mutters. 

“I’m not an asshole,” you say defensively.

“Yes, you are,” he spits. “You always have to have it your way.”

“I’m not having this argument with you,” you say, turning away and trying to block out his escalating anger. You pull the thin camping blanket over your head, desperate for some peace.

He huffs, clearly frustrated, but you ignore it. The sound of rain tapping against the tent becomes your only solace. Minutes pass in silence, each second stretching longer than the last. You can feel his restless energy beside you, the tension almost palpable.

“I can't believe you. You're so annoying,” he says. 

You simply lay there, trying to block out the muttering under his breath. The stickiness of the damp sleeping bags and the cold camping pillow are ridiculously uncomfortable.

Remembering the clean, dry blankets you have stored in the trunk of your car for emergencies and you get up to grab them silently, ignoring his insults. Returning with them, his eyes light up and he asks, “Where did you get those?”

“My car,” you answer nonchalantly, setting up your new bed. You try to salvage what you can of the sleeping bag to have some kind of barrier between the damp tent floor and your blanket, but it’s not perfect. Eventually settling on the makeshift bed, you can feel Kai staring at you through your closed eyelids. “Can I help you?” You ask without opening them.

“Aren’t you gonna share those with me?”

“Why would I?”

“You’re the one that got our other blankets and the tent all wet.” 

“Not my fault you didn’t bring back-up.”

He exasperates, clearly done with you and all your…what does he call it? Selfish nonsense? “I can’t believe I have to share a tent with you. And you get it all wet in here and won’t even share the dry blankets with me?” 

“You think I'm happy about this either?" Your arms flail before you go on one of your famous rants. “I don’t even like camping but I come along with Sage because they’re my best friend and I was looking forward to spending time alone with them to talk but because they decided to start fucking Yeonjun again I have to sleep in a tent with you, which you make me put together even though I don’t know how to put it together so its disgusting in here and you expect me to share my blankets with you? You’re never nice to me why the fuck would I share them with you? You’re always making me look like a bitch in front of everyone when I know you’re just—”

Kai suddenly yanks you by your elbow and says, “Would you please just shut up?” 

Seeing him this mad…you don’t know if he’s ever looked like this. Red in the face, eyebrows furrowed, not to mention he’s still shirtless since all his clothes are soaked. You look over his body—you’ve never seen him before—and you realize just how muscular he is. Broad-shouldered, defined pecs and ripples in his arms, particularly the one gripping you so harshly. 

You smirk at him before saying, “Make me." Looking over your face, he doesn’t know what comes over him. Maybe it's anger or frustration or the ambiance from the sound of rain against the tent and the small camping lamp, but he can’t help it. 

Crashing his lips into yours, you’re taken by surprise. You feel the power his plush lips give off, but only for a second before you push him off. 

“What the hell are you doing?” 

“I don’t–I don’t know, I, uh…” He stutters, trying to find something—anything—to say, but no luck. Looking at each other, something clicks like we need to have each other now. 

You pull him to you by cupping his cheeks and crashing your lips into his quickly, eagerly, desperately. Hands in his hair, his on your hips, he squeezes your chubby thighs, wanting more, but—

“Woah, woah, woah, what’s happening? You and I are making out?” He asks, shock etched across his face as his eyebrows furrow. 

“Well, not anymore.” You look at him confused. “Did you forget you’re the one that kissed me first?”

“That was just so you’d shut up.”

“Don’t act like you don’t want me. I see you staring at my tits all the time.” You smirk at him and his eyes shift, admitting guilt. Realization hits you. “...Is that why you’re such an ass to me? Because you’re sexually frustrated whenever you’re around me? Do you…like me?”

“No,” he says defensively. “I hate you actually. You’re so annoying.” He rolls his eyes. “But the most annoying part about you is how much I wanna fuck you.” Your eyes widen, but a smile slowly spreads across his face before he asks, “Is that why you’re such an ass to me?” Leaning in closer, he examines your face, looking for any sign of weakness. “It is, isn’t it?” You shake your head. “Say it.” 

“Kai.”

“I wanna hear you say you want me.”

The quickest, most disingenuous, “I want you,” comes out of your mouth. Did you really just say that? It’s not like you haven’t noticed how handsome he’d gotten recently, but it’s also not like you’ve ever thought about doing anything. Before tonight, the thought of him even touching you made your skin crawl. But right now, you don’t think you’ve ever wanted anyone more. Reaching for him, you add, “Now shut up and fuck me.” 

Still shirtless from when he peeled off the wet fabric a few minutes ago, he tugs at the hem of your tank top. Slipping it off you, his eyebrows raise at your bare chest—full and needing to be squeezed, which he does immediately. Your nipples perky and hard from arousal and the cool air are simply begging to be sucked. His warm, welcoming and wet lips wrapped around one elicit a sound from you that you hope is covered by the rain outside. 

The others would never let you live it down if they heard you two fucking. 

Mouths all over—his on your nipples and your collarbone, yours on his mouth and his shoulders—it’s a whirlwind of kisses and pure lust. 

“I hate you,” you murmur, adding a nice hair tug for good measure. 

“I hate you too,” he responds. “So much.” The tent, damp from the rain and hot breath warms you up, skin slick with a sheen of sweat. Sleeping bags and blankets ruffle underneath your bodies as you rush to undress each other fully. “You’re so fucking stupid,” he says against your ear. “Don’t even know how to put up a tent. Need my help for everything?”

“You’ve never been any help to me,” you respond. “Plus, we wouldn’t have gotten rained on so much if you didn’t get lost leading everyone. Need your phone for everything? Can’t even handle one short hike? Good for nothing,” you spit. “Except…you’re kind of a good kisser.”

“Wish I could say the same about you.”

“Don’t lie,” you smirk. “I’m an incredible kisser.” He may roll his eyes but he heads straight back for more. “But you’re taking too long. Hurry up,” you say between kisses. Grazing his hand down your hip, he slides two fingers between your pussy lips and—

“You’re that wet for me and I’ve barely even touched you? Desperate slut.” You grab his cock, making him jerk forward, his mouth dropping open.

“You’re already that hard and I’ve barely even touched you? Horny loser.” Without warning, he lines himself up at your entrance and shoves his cock inside you, forcing a yelp from your throat.

Covering your mouth, he leans down, gracing his lips over your earlobe before whispering, “You never shut the fuck up, do you?” And he’s relentless. Fucking you fast and hard, whispering mean, dirty shit in your ear, shivers rolling down your spine at every syllable. “You don’t deserve to feel this good.”

“And you think you deserve this pussy?” You fire right back. Although, he does seem to be winning with the sheer amount of moaning coming from your mouth compared to his controlled sounds and expert movements. You try your best to compose yourself before saying, “A dumb fuck like you doesn’t deserve to even touch my skin.”

“Is that why you gasp when I pinch your nipples?” He asks. You narrow your eyes at him. But he definitely proves himself right. Rolling your nipple between his pointer finger and thumb, basking in the chills it gives you, clearly sending shocks of pleasure throughout your body. You reach to touch his broad chest but he stops you. “Nuh-uh. Hands to yourself,” he says, gripping your wrists harshly and pinning them to the ground. 

Suddenly, you’ve never wanted to touch someone more in your life. The way his skin glistens, muscles looking so strong, a bead of sweat drips between his pecs and you swear you clit twitches. Honestly, you’re in shock. What do you usually do with your hands? Since when has he been like this? An absolute slut? A mean slut at that. But you love it. 

Your hands stay at your side after he moves to squeeze your body again but you can’t help but reach up—you’re desperate to touch him. He halts, lifting his fingers off your tits. 

“Every time you try to touch me without permission, I’ll stop touching you,” he says. You surrender, putting your hands under your back. “Good girl.”

Fuck. That felt nice too. Being degraded is one thing, but getting rewarded for following directions? That’s delicious. Heat rushes to your ears. 

“Please—”

“Ah,” he places his pointer finger over your lips. “I told you to shut up, didn’t I?” You make a show of keeping your mouth closed. “You learn so fast, hm?” You smile—a genuine giddy smile. “So cute,” he whispers, placing a thumb on your clit, circling it gently. 

But when a weak little, “Fuck,” slips out of your mouth, he stops.

“Did I say you could speak?” You shake your head. Running a thumb across the apple of your cheek, he gives you a look somewhere between my pathetic little slut and you’re being such a good girl for me. 

Keeping your mouth shut, your body is in complete bliss, succumbing to the overwhelming pleasure his cock and hands are giving you. You’re positively drunk on his cock, letting him do whatever he wants to you—touch you here, lick and bite you there, kiss on this, suck on that—not only to be his good little slut, but because it feels fucking incredible. He knows what he’s doing, you’ll give him that. 

Then you feel it, your orgasm is slowly approaching, every move he makes pushes you closer and closer to the edge. And he knows it. The little whimpers you make, trying to hold back. The twitches your clit makes. The pulses of your pussy. 

“Aw,” he starts condescendingly. “Is my good little slut gonna come for me?” You nod rapidly, being sure to keep your mouth shut and movements under control. The last thing you want right now is a punishment. Or maybe it’s the thing you want most? The lines are too blurred to tell. “Say it.”

You can barely mumble it, but you manage to croak out, “You’re gonna make me come, Kai.”

“Good girl.” He doesn’t change a single thing. It creeps closer and closer until you can feel your body start to tip over. And then he does something…expected? Surprising? Honestly, you’re not so sure anymore. He stops, your orgasm so close to crashing over you, ruined by this son of a bitch. 

Tears form in your eyes. Was he really doing this to you? This annoying, stupid fucking jerk you’ve hated for years making you cry over his cock? 

“That’s for being such a goddamn nuisance since the day I met you.” 

What do you do now? Be a jerk to him? Overpower him and pin him down? Sit there like a hole needing to be fucked? You decide to go for the last option, hoping he’ll make you come as fast as he can. Although, truthfully, you feel like one swipe across your clit would make you finish you at this point. 

“Tell me you don’t deserve me.” You keep your mouth shut. Gently wrapping his fingers around your throat, you stare at his eyes. He chuckles like he’s proud of you before he says, “You may speak.” 

“I don’t deserve you.” He squeezes harder, almost like he’s saying that’s not enough. “I don’t deserve to feel this good. I don’t deserve your cock. I don’t deserve…anything.” 

“Good girl.” He loosens his grip around your throat. He’s done with his fun now. The ache in both of your bodies is getting unbearable and he’s determined to make you come first. Which he supposes he already did, despite ruining it for you. But he’s gotta get you back to that place before he gets there first.

Returning to the hard and fast pace of fucking you like he was a few minutes ago, his cock slams in and out and out of your pussy, ripples running down your thighs, ass, tits, everywhere. He stares in awe of your perfect tits bouncing in rhythm with his thrusts. 

Your mouth opens and closes like you want to say something, but if you speak without permission, he may stop. You decide to take a chance anyway. 

“Kai…” you squeak out through the rough movements. He responds with a sweet yet sinister smile that says you may speak. “You are gonna let me come, right?”

His eyebrows furrow, face full of pity. He asks, “You think I should?”

“You better or I’ll…” You trail off.

“You’ll what?” He stops moving, therefore earning a pathetic whine from you, trying to protest without words. “What are you gonna do to me?”

Now what’s a good punishment for him? Clearly, he’s used to being the one punishing his sexual partners—you wonder how his other subs have dealt with him being a jerk. You don’t want to overpower him like you thought you did. There’s something about being pinned down like this, letting him do whatever he wants, not having to move an inch. You’re such a powerful woman everywhere else—the type A personality type, which you admit can get overwhelmingly exhausting. 

Letting someone take full control over you like this—it’s relaxing. You wonder how much he’s enjoying himself but you notice the way his eyes flutter when you simply tighten your pussy around his cock, how he hasn’t stopped touching you since you finally let him, hell, he kissed you first. Of course he’s enjoying this. And bingo—you’ve got just enough control to get what you want. 

“I’ll never let you fuck me like this again.” 

Narrowing his eyes at you, it's like he knows that you caught him in the act of something. Cocking his head to the side, he asks, “We can’t let that happen, now can we?”

Somehow, the energy shifts to be even more desperate. Taking out years and years of frustration from hating each other while simultaneously wanting to have sex. Fucking as fast as your bodies will let you, the tent fills with the absolutely obscene noises coming from your mouths. The only reason you aren’t holding back is because the rain beating against the plastic tent and the occasional thunder thankfully covers most of it. 

When one of his thumbs finds your clit, you feel like you’re floating. The air falls out of your lungs, pleasure taking over your body as you relax into your orgasm. You’re drunk, high on his cock and the only thing you’re seeing are stars and that stupid smirk plastered across his face. It rips through your body like lightning, shooting out your toes and fingertips. 

“Talk to me,” he says breathlessly in your ear. But you can’t. You can only manage strangled noises to let him know you’re having an incredible orgasm. 

Coming down from your high, though, you finally say, “Fuck, that felt so good.” 

“Tell me how good.”

“You made me feel so…so fucking good, Kai,” you say, shaking your head, unsure of what else to tell him. Call it post-nut clarity, but why the hell were you having sex with him again? Honestly, who cares? He’s actually pretty hot and he’s damn good at this too. What happens after this? Enemies with benefits? Never mention it again? You make a note to come back to this with him later. But right now, you need to get to the matter at hand. “Why don’t you tell me how good I feel?”

“Oh baby, you feel so good,” he says. “Your pussy might be the only thing I like about you.” He chuckles, his mouth dropping open, undeniably close to his own orgasm. “Well, maybe your pussy and your tits.” Burying his face between them, he bites down on the plush, groaning against your skin. 

“I need you to come inside me, Kai. Please.” 

“Keep talking to me like that.”

And you do. Giving him praise, touching him in all the right places, putting on a show for him. With a few final thrusts, he groans, whispering something you don’t catch, but you feel it. Him coming inside you with a sexy groan, covering your chest in the sloppiest of kisses and bites. 

Catching his breath, he whispers breathlessly, “Damn. That was good.” Sliding out of you, an awkwardness catches up with the two of you. You push yourself up on your elbows, attempting to gather your thoughts. His eyes are still dark with desire as he looks at you with a satisfied smirk. 

“Listen,” you say, covering your chest with your blanket. “This can’t happen again.” His smile drops.

“What?”

“The fact that we did that,” you gesture between the two of you, “never leaves this tent, you hear me?” Cocking his head to the side, he nods awkwardly. “No one can find out about this. God, I’d be so embarrassed. Let’s just…get some sleep.” 

Did you forget about what he said?

Or I’ll never let you fuck my like this again. Using that as a threat if he didn’t let you come meant you wanted to do it again, no? Slowly putting on his boxers again, he agrees, turning away from you to try and get some sleep but, all of a sudden, there’s too much on his mind. 

[bugsinshoes]

ok so i just watched @fordtato and @hkthatgffan 's respective videos about their interview with THE alex hirsch and i wanna just say OH MY GOD like SERIOUSLY

im gonna put my thoughts under the cut so theres no spoilers if you havent seen it already (BUT GO WATCH THEM NOW PLEASE !!!) + its gonna be LONG so BEAR WITH ME

ok, so i have MANY thoughts so sorry if none of this is coherent 😭 (this is not in chronological order of when the questions were asked, just me spewing out my totally normal thoughts about this interview so apologies for that)

starting off:

THE BABY IS SHERMIE?!?!?!? IM SO SO GLAD WE FINALLY HAVE CONFIRMATION WE CAN FINALLY LEAVE THIS TO REST !! I WAS RIGHT THOUGH SO HA !!! ACTUALLY SCREAMING !! TIMELINE BE DAMNED (also another thanks to hana, your timeline video is genuinely awesome. i never shut up about it. ever. any time i talk to my friends abt gf and i need to refer to the timeline i go: "IN HANA'S VIDEO-") anyways, i do understand it was a last minute decision on the writer's part of "oh. dipper and mabel need a grandfather, its not ford, and its sure as FUCK not gonna be stan sooo... third brother?" and i do understand alex being like, "oh, this is about ford and stan only having eachother" so i think making shermie younger was a GOOD THING? like, stan and ford had 18 years of just them so shermie wasnt in the picture, so stan and ford technically grew up on their own so ig it works? also, when stan got kicked out, he never got to see shermie grow up, probably only saw him at events when he had to pretend to be ford (post-1983) and as for ford himself, he was too busy in college and gravity falls to really visit the family so... it works! (despite everything)

that aside, lets talk about THE CRUMBS??? like i have some quotes here because i have a LOT to say:

"theyre both so damaged and they desperately need each other" - alex hirsch (talking about stan and ford)

LIKE SUIUHUSHUSH i HATE these brothers SO MUCH (LIES) i cant actually properly express my thoughts because WOW like its clear that they both have their own trauma and they NEED to address it but theyre both too STUBBORN to do so. theyve both been alone for 40ish years so of course they need each other. they grew up by the hip, so theres no surprise that they both need each other (whether they like it or not)

"[ford's] grateful for the forgiveness he thinks he doesnt deserve" -alex hirsch

ford thinks so lowly of himself at times it HURTS. like the lines in the journal about "only then would the freak return a hero" or about his guilt with bill and everything its just so important to his character im so glad we got so much ford content in this interview. like i am EATING ALL THIS UP RN

"[ford] has to always have a mission in front of him, because if he doesnt have a mission in front of him, hes thinking how have i treated people in my life?" - alex hirsch

ford distracting himself with things instead of facing his problems. probably something he had to do a lot, especially with his time in the multiverse. but it really hurts because i can imagine in the 60s, they never had any great coping mechanisms? so i can assume ford was just conditioned to distract himself from stuff so he never learned how to deal with things. and i KNOW in the journal hes like "i meditate!" and im sure that does help somewhat, but it doesnt address the issue itself soooo... sorry ford, but you cant just breathe your way out of everything

ALSO alex calling ford and fiddlefords falling out a "BREAKUP" (air quotes used) BUT A BREAKUP??? this is just adding fuel to my fiddauthor-infested brain rn. i CANT

and alex saying mcgucket is thinking like, "oh i gotta be a better partner" is HEART SHATTERING like the whole talk about fiddleford being "the building guy" who is kind of just there to make machines and please ford. its honestly so heartbreaking because fiddleford loves ford so much he'd leave his wife and child to go to absolute nowhere, oregon and the fact ford is too arrogant to see fiddlefords admiration and overall love for him its just IUIUAHHAS

and i do wanna say, i KNOW bill played a big part in this, by stroking fords ego and buttering him up with his kind words because he knew exactly what ford wanted to hear and that really affected how ford and fidds' relationship was like but THATS A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER TIME. all i know is that ford isnt entirely to blame, but he still is a massive arrogant asshole and he wasnt the best person to fidds at times (love him tho <3)

but im actually so happy because this interview sheds SO much light onto FORD bcs we BARELY got to know him, and hearing it from MR HIRSCH HIMSELF is just so good because we KNOW its a reliable source because its coming from ALEX YK??? like he wrote ford so he probably knows "oh yeah, that man is guilt-ridden as FUCK" and im so glad we get some crumbs of this guy i cant get enough of him !!! (impatiently waiting for the book of bill)

ANNNDD THE TALK ABOUT MAYBE GETTING A SEA GRUNKS SPINOFF/MINISERIES??? I WOULD EXPLODE GENUINELY ANYTHING WITH MY FAVOURITE OLD MEN PLEASE !! i would genuinely love to see more of their dynamic and how everything is after weirdmaggeddon and like dealing with trauma and UGHHH i would kill for stan/ford content PLEASE

also...

hippie ford.

hippie. ford.

i am never getting over this (im internally SCREECHING)

ANYWAYS THAT WAS MY RANT ABT MY FAV THINGS FROM THE INTERVIEW THAT WAS A LOT GODDAMN

im genuinely so happy with all the questions that got answered, as well as getting some deeper insight into characters and stuff. IM NEVER GETTING OVER THE AMOUNT OF FIDDAUTHOR CRUMBS YOU GUYS

im gonna end this by saying another MASSIVE thank you to hana and hk !! you both put so much effort into your respective videos and it was super super cool !! this was totally worth the wait !!! :D

[z-and-the-space-child]

my head is all currently midnight burger podcast so here's everything i like about this wonderful piece of media:

it's pretty fun and very funny!! i smile like an idiot on public transport and on my way to class at least once a day listening to this.

the characters are so. idk how to describe them but theyre so full of life and you can tell that they are loved greatly by the creator(s)

the WRITING. i could seriously pluck a quote from damn near every episode to carry me through the day. i don't need affirmations i need gloria to talk me through my problems.

i was doing a lil analysis of the themes in this show and i came up with "the best thing you can ever do is the best thing you can do right now" and it is FUEL, babey.

The el triste monologue. also just gloria being a POC and being proud of herself and her culture. there's a lot of cultural mish-mash in podcasts, so this is very refreshing.

It's very, very sweet and heartfelt. kind of like wolf 359 if they communicated more instead of dodging their issues until they came to a peak (love them for it.)

the PHYSICS of it all. i'm a physics/astrophysics major because i think space and looking at the stars is my lifeblood so i won't shut up about it. i don't want ava and leif (certainly ava) to shut up about it ever. HOW much reasearch did they have to do to get this kinda grasp on it. im in awe, i'm LEARNING actual things from them. i could go on. the gravity waves, the stellar nuclear fusion, the time dilation of it all. and all without using over-flowery language!!! i can actually follow a good chunk of the time. are we sure ava didn't take one of those science communication seminars. maybe 5 phds does it. when she and leif talk i vibrate like an electron in a lazer. wonderful.

star sequencing??? stellar nucleosequencing??? right up my alley. thats my kinda stuff. the romanticization of space, i've seen. the romanticization of physics, however, is not something i haven't seen in such a beautiful modern fashion. (Ie, not oppenheimer or even richard feyman)

and it's not too science-y to the point that they think they can't have fun. yes they discuss the implications of gravity waves and wax poetic about space and pulsars. (it beats for you, berts) but they have FUN! they meet their parents because they can. they get a plant drunk. there's an atmosphere(?????) around the diner that allows them to fly around and mind-numbing speeds and look at the curvature of spacetime and also sit on the roof. (I imagine the entire place is the temperature of a summer night.) they have a whole wild west planet. leif builds things inexplicably. how? where does he get the materials??? shhhhh don't question it just let him have the gravity wave detector. nobody actually knows what engineers do, not even engineers. let him be. also time crystals??????

ALSO ava being a woman in stem and being so blunt yet covert about it. she's been dealing with it for so long. why are all (recognized) physicists a)white b) men c) both. it's such a sucky thing to work into because of the outward appearance. ava is a proud mad scientist which i aspire to so much. i am keeping her in my little arsenal of people to think about when i don't want to study. (picture the do it for her meme but it's pics of ava) I don't think i aptly put how much i love her. i'm not all the way finished yet but i've heard she was forced to marry someone? i think it would be a thing for sure if she cheated on him. so many physicists cheated on their spouses (wives ): ) and i think ava should also do it. as a treat. if that's what she'd like.

when people have done bad, bad things but show/are capable of redemption upon reflecting on their past/current shortcomings is just something that gets me so much directly in the heart. the hiddenness of people. the tragedy. we contain MULTITUDES and this show demonstrates that so well. how they support each other! they are everchanging and that's good for them. Leif the engineer the ex criminal the diner cook.

leif exploding a man in cold blood. if i could draw i'd draw that. maybe i will anyways.

food as a form of affection/way to bond. grief. doing your best. making amends. using the time you have. death is inevitable but that's okay.

And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember we’re out there, somewhere, lookin’ for ya’

they open at six

[flowersbark]

Holy shit. Okay. Hi. I’m also a csa survivor. I’m legit so desperate for anything sort of recognition on this issue I’ve been having for almost 2 years now. https://www.tumblr.com/flowersbark/740288973409288192/fellas-is-it-a-proship-to-project-cocsacsa-on

It relates to this post, except I am going to get EXTRA personal on this.

Tw for r//pe, gr///ming, Self-h//rm, and csa (obvsly)

Okay so I also really really reallyyy don’t like proshippers, I am hypersexual, and I have zero access to any sort of help atp in my life. Now that I have those things out of the way right now, I am essentially in a dilemma a lot like that post. One major problem, it’s not me JUST wanting to project, it’s me wanting to BE in that spot of the victim again for some reason. And I mean like srsly getting assaulted again and all that horrible stuff. Like, i THINK these ideas, thoughts, and urges I have are called “intrusive thoughts”?? But I’m not sure. I’m disturbed by them regardless.

This has been so frustrating to deal with bc first of all, I’m not a victim to gr//ming, second, yes, I am a victim of csa at a young age, and third, I find myself having some sort of YEARNING to be hurt in such a way. (Not cocsacsa, just to not let things get mixed up btw) I have looked around on the internet for so long about this issue and I find NOTHING on it, like, am I just going crazy? Am I trying to cope with it in the worst way possible? Like, I genuinely don’t know, and it drives me mad because on one hand, I have this massive theory that it’s a mental attempt of “self- h//rm”, and then on the other hand, it’s a bizarre extreme version of yearning for touch and affection, but I’m just so unsure because I can’t find any other personal accounts of anyone else!

I acknowledge that your post wasn’t about this oddly specifc scenario, and I’m so sorry that this is so out of pocket, and possibly even counterproductive (idk) but as another csa victim, would you be able to offer some sort of insight? Is that something I can even ask for on here? It’s okay if you can’t, or don’t want to, I fully understand if I just never see a response to this. I really hope things get better for you and that you’re a having at the very least, a decent day regardless. Thank you.

Also p.s., sorry for not being able to answer that question, I myself am also uncertain on a definite answer for that. Like, the most I can say is that I think it’s okay to explore unhealthy dynamics, so long as they’re both acknowledged as bad/unhealthy/traumatizing things, and not put out to the public since people can take/look at things and get weird and nasty🤢 (so generally just used in a private and secure setting)

HI !!! uhh

first off, yes you can ask for advice, insight, anything. thats why i made this blog, other than to just vent to strangers. second, thank you for giving me your opinion on the csa proship situation.

i do think what you're going through are intrusive thoughts, and i get those a lot too. especially about going through what i did again, or worse. i also fucking HATE those thoughts, especially because my mind makes it by people i know irl, especially classmate im close to. it makes me feel disgusting and like im sexualizing and making my classmates horrible people when they ARENT. intrusive thoughts arent a reflection of who you are, theyre a reflection of who you DONT want to be, thats why theyre so disturbing.

again, the almost yearning for it is intrusive. it's also a trauma response. like how people who are used to being mentally abused will seek out and be with people that will treat them like that, its kinda like that. its not a good way to cope, but its not the WORST. as the absolute worst would be repeating the cycle.

im sorry if this doesn't help, its kinda just my word vomit with no revisions,, but i hope it does. it gets better, i promise. keep going.

[green-loser-lover]

Imitation X (au)

Im sure that you guys have heard of theories for different shows? Not the interesting MatPat kind, the horror/bizarre ones that suck the childlike wonder from kids shows? Like the Phineas & Ferb theory or the Rugrats theory (both saying that all the kids are dead except for Candice/Angelica)? Well theres one for PPG called "the imagination theory" and my au is based off of it. (if interested keep reading but it gets long and i dont want clutter)

The imagination theory while interesting doesn't get.. explored often and just gets explained by youtubers some times? If you don't want to read all of it: the girls are normal and just play pretend superhero, the villains are all people from their lives and the Professor is their dad (duh)

I think the entire concept could be expanded on without changing the whole "normal girls thing". Enter imitation X! Basically everything happening is through the girls eyes and equate to something in the real world! Monsters are like shootings/bombings, villains are ordinary people, everything that happens is just them coping with their less than ideal lives. So i want to fit all the characters (main ones at least) into that idea as well as different episodes!

For now though lets start with the girls (this post is too long bezus)

Blossom

In Imitation X her real name is Blaine (meaning yellow.. yk how the prof gives bubbles/blossom names based off of how they act and buttercup just bc it also starts with b? yeah i kinda did that to bloss bc i wanted their named to sound similar oops)

When the girls came up with the game she was the one to make the rules which really just meant she tried her hardest to make up reason after reason for her to be special while her sisters couldn't do half the stuff she could. Eventually she just started having fun with the game and stopped being so controlling. When Buttercup/Bubbles played at first the whole thing was a mess (Butter wanting all gore and Bubbles wanting all cutesy stuff) so she came up with the girls backstory and set a middle ground for them

Shes not smarter than her sisters! I'd say shes more clever/quick to think but shes not like a super genius or anything and shes wrong pleanty. In imitation X Blossom is extremely responsible as always but she can also be selfish and throw the other girls under the bus. Out of the three of them shes the most willing to deal with their real world problems without the game and is the most tethered to reality. Which is how i think she can get away with things she herself did and blame it on buttercup or bubbles!

Buttercup

Her name is Briar (meaning thorny patch/strength or exalted one)

She loves all things superheros(in this au at least), so she was the one to come up with the game HOWEVER it was a totally gritty solo game that she wanted absolutley no one else to take part in.. until she got lonely lol. 1 punching all your villians with no plot gets boring quick. Eventually she asked bubbles to draw her superhero for her (her supersona??) and bubbles wanted to play bc it looked cool. Ofc Buttercup put her through different trials to let her join,, and even then Bubbles became her sidekick at first (which led to squables)

Shes willing to deviate from their game to hang out with her friends who think its lame or whatnot (did i mention theyve been playing since they were five up until theyre 12?) She made the whole game as an escape from the real world so its pretty easy for her to get back into it after a while. Buttercup isn't a hot head in imitation X! She gets angered/annoyed easily but instead of blowing up she. freezes? up? She'll stop talking when shes been angered and isolate herself! Which is why Buttercup (in game) is so violent! Real world Butters cant express herself the way she wants so she uses the game as an outlet. Shes very defensive of her sisters (for reasons that will be revealed later) but at the same time shes very ready to abandon them when they get on her nerves. And i mean abandon, she will leave the house for days!

Bubbles

Last but not least (shes my beloved guys i just never mention it) Blair! (meaning dweller on the plains and is meant to invoke images of meadows/fields.. shes the main character if you didnt notice /j)

When Buttercup told her to draw for her she fell inlove with the idea of being a superhero and was willing to do all the trials and whatnot just to play. She ofc loved being a powerpuff and made the strongest connection with the game.She did get tired of being a sidekick though bc she got to make almost no choices so she came up with monsters and played as them until she got tired of it and started to argue with buttercup about the whole thing. Yeah it def took time for her to become a real superhero duo w/ Butters but when it happened she'd never been happier

Bubbles constantly sees things through the game. No shes not crazy she knows its not happening but she almost never stops pretending. It took a long few years before Blossom got her to stop at school (for the most part). Bubbles goes through the most in the au and therefore she likes to actively cope. Its extremely hard for her to snap into reality and when she does shes really not herself, very muted and disgruntled. It takes her a surprisingly long time to start coping again as well, awareness throws her for a loop and she will make a fuss of it. Shes more of a crybaby and is easily scared in the real world (she tries not to cry in front of others though ofc) people like her but she'd rather stay to herself than be around other people. Bubbles in the game is far more sassy than she is because she wished she did speak her mind and do whatever makes her happy whenever she felt like.

Thats! It! For the girls lol Professor, Mojo Jojo/rrb, or HIM will probably come next because they are all significant in the AU! After them probably the Mayor, Bellum and Sedusa or the GGG! Hope you enjoyed and stick around to read more :3! R&R and have a good day!

[moodr1ng]

lengthy discussion of ed treatment/management under the cut but nothing triggering or specific

i think its funny that im like.. (i believe) very good at giving advice regarding eating disorders to other people.. like, i will often give detailed, multi-paragraph, nuanced advice and information on dealing with eds and give people lists of ways they can reach for help, advice on managing disordered eating behaviors as best as possible, reassurance that yes, what theyre describing is a real ed, yes they deserve help, no they dont need to get any sicker to get help, ill frequently ask people who are down on themselves or ashamed bc of eating disorders to let me have faith in them on their behalf/let them know that im proud of them even if they arent/reassure them that they are never alone with this even in the worst part of an ed when it feels like youre the only person this fucked up on the planet/celebrate their wins and improvements if they have no one to be proud of them/etc. and none of this im saying to congratulate myself like.. i am somewhat educated on this topic, i like being able to use that to help out people, im not doing anything extraordinary or praiseworthy, i just have a certain level of skill/knowledge in handling eds and so i feel its sort of a responsibility i want to take on to put that to use.

but the point is.. i can do all this for other people but when it comes to myself? i dont follow any of my advice. my relationship to food is terrible and so is that to my body. i know all this stuff, i have all these nice things to say to other people - and i can't apply any of it to myself.

and though i always encourage people to reach out to medical professionals, to nutritionists, to therapists specializing in ed, to hotlines, to ed clinics.. i have been let down by every single one of those. my nutritionist told me my eating problems are a psychiatric issue and therefore she simply couldnt help me in any way. my psychiatrist listened to me describe my ed and had no advice bc he doesnt specialize in this and cant help me. the ed clinic in my city wouldnt offer me treatment bc they only take extremely underweight patients. a nutrition/ed support clinic a friend recommended wont take me either bc im not overweight enough. i contacted an ed hotline, set up a phone appointment with the hotline worker, and got ghosted. every avenue of help i have found has said "i cant help you" or "i wont help you". and yet here i am, still telling people to seek professional support and hoping they have better luck than me..

idk. sometimes i just feel phony, yknow? like, here i am giving people all this reassuring, in-depth, affirming advice that sounds like.. wise or like i know my shit right, and then you go look at my post history on the same account and theres my post about my relapse and how profoundly i hate myself and am disgusted with myself. it makes me feel like.. me still being in the deep of the ed devalues my advice. you peek under the curtain, and the guy who talks like he has it all figured out and can help you is just as lost, scared, ashamed and miserable as you.

not sure what im trying to say. just. think about this regularly ig. i wonder how i wouldve fared in a world where i didnt get rejected from returning to the psychology course, in a world where i become someones therapist - would i have too felt like an absolute phony, a poser, if i had become a therapist while being this mentally unwell? idk. maybe. it doesnt matter now, anyway.

[steel--fairy]

thoughts on relationships for npc's. partners and kids and stuff like that. some stuff is canon, some is implied canon, some is wholly my own headcanons

if theres just 2 characters names and nothing else then thats just me saying they get together and are endgame

theres also a lot of ones where im unsure, mainly for young characters. I'll come up with something eventually idk

♤○♡○◇◇•♤○♡•◇

prof oak had a wife (not agatha, tho there mayhaps was a fling when they were young and rivals) and a son and both are now dead. alas

daisy and bill briefly get together as teens but end up with other people as adults

erika has a wife who's also a professor at celadon university. shes not a trainer and teaches something mundane like math

koga has a wife who is not a ninja but is still highly proficient in poisons. janines their only kid

sabrina is aroace, no relationships

blaine has also never been in one and sees no need to, though hes not aroace

giovanni swims in bitches, tho he's never been married and has no plans to ever get married. ariana having silver was a business deal between them.

lorelei is a serial dater who cant keep a boyfriend. erika keeps trying to set her up with a nice girl she knows but lorelei always turns it down

bruno is like blaine. doesnt care for dating but not aroace

agatha definitely had a husband she 100% killed 2 years into the marriage

unsure: brock, misty, surge, lance

elm is married, has a young kid.

falkner/janine

bugsy's a triple a. aromantic asexual agender

whitney/jasmine

morty/eusine

chuck is married, has a teenaged son

pryce was married tho hes now a widower. no children.

karen/will

proton is a serial dater of the female rocket grunts. refuses to ever be tied down to one person

archer has feelings for giovanni but keeps them hidden. doesnt date. ditto for ariana

petrel has a wife who somehow has no idea hes in team rocket

unsure: clair, lance

norman and birch both obviously have wives and kids

roxanne/brawly

wattson has a wife whos about 15 yrs younger than him. no kids, just a plusle and minun they dote on

juan has a wife, no kids. wallace is close enough

wallace and winona dated for almost 3 years but broke up. wallace ends up longterm with steven

sidney/phoebe

neither drake nor glacia have ever been married though both have been in long term relationships. drake is currently single and will stay that way. glacia has a new boyfriend

archie and maxie did date and it went disastrously. maybe they can try again when theyre out of prison

courtney has a fixation on maxie and will never date anyone

shelly and matt used to both have men begging for them to date them but the whole aqua thing really put a dent in their dating life. both end up leaving the region/meeting foreigners to find someone who isnt put off by that

after several years of traveling the world and also therapy, zinnia meets a nice girl who also enjoys causing problems on purpose

unsure: flannery, winona, tate and liza, tabitha, the frontier brains

rowan has had several relationships but has always primarily been married to his work.

roark/gardenia

fantina has many courters and admirers but cant seem to make them stay

wake is married, has a young kid

byron used to be married to ariana but they're divorced. hasn't really dated since.

candice/maylene

flint/volkner

lucian has a crush on cynthia, though its not requited

bertha has a wife who isnt a trainer

riley in my au is immortal and single by choice bc of it

cheryl/marley

cyrus would spontaneously combust if anyone ever flirted with him

mars has a crush on cyrus but will eventually end up with someone else. as will saturn and jupiter

charon is divorced

palmer is married, has barry

darach is too busy looking over caitlin to ever date. caitlin herself has no interest in it either

argenta was married for a decade at a young age, divorced her husband, and is now living her best life and dating a guy 15 years younger than her

thorton is aroace

dahlia likes to keep her options open, though would like to settle down eventually

unsure: mira, buck, cynthia, aaron

cedric amicably divorced his wife when aurea was an adult, currently single and considering dating men

aurea/fennel

lenora is married to hawes, no kids but they've considered it

burghs got a boyfriend who's also a wierdo artist

elesa/skyla

brycen was married to a fellow actor for a year before a quiet dicorce. has been bitter about dating since esp after his injury, but is considering it again after his return to movies

draydens never married and never bothered with relationships. iris is adopted and we'll see how drayton is related when the dlc drops ig lol

marlons in a sprawling polycule

alder is a widower. has 2 kids, both adults now, and a few grandkids

colress is aroace but is interested in trying dating once for science

unsure: cilan, chili, cress, roxie, iris, clay, shauntal, marshal, grimsley, benga, ghetsis

sycamore and lysandre have a whole Thing. its dramatic and ends tragically.

dexio/cassius

viola/perrin

ramos has a husband his age who he met only about 15 years ago

olympia has no partner but raises a niece like a daughter

wulfric has a wife and 2 kids, a boy and a girl who are both now adults. no grandkids yet

siebold and malva are childhood somethings. is this a healthy relationship? is it even a relationship at all? no and no but they're weirdly touchy about each other

drasna is in a surprisingly turbulent will they wont they romance with someone and has been for decades and no one ever knows what her relationship status is

wikstrom has a wife. giacomo is their kid

unsure: grant, korrina, clemont, bonnie, valerie, sina, flare admins, battle chatelaines

kukui/burnet

lusamine/mohn

mallow/victor

hala has a wife, one son, and hau

olivia is chronically single which she despairs over

nanu thinks dating is a waste of time. peak crazy meowth man.

molaynes got a boyfriend who also works at the observatory as a guide

wicke is aroace, delights in taking care of her friends kids

faba has negative rizz. no bitches whatsoever

unsure: ilima, lana, kiawe, sophocles, acerola, mina, kahili, hapu, guzma, plumeria

magnolia's husband is recently deceased. has one daughter and sonias her only grandchild

sonia/nessa

kabu is married and no one in the galar league knows that except melony, milo, and opal bc he never talks about it

melony has a husband and 5 kids (gordie, a daughter, then triplet sons)

opal has been married four times and each husband tragically passed away whenever they started to get on her nerves

leon/raihan

oleana has a courtney like thing for rose, but he doesnt return those feelings. he dated as a young man but is now married to the job.

mustard/honey, who have hyde

peony is happily married, has peonia and penny

unsure: milo, bea, allister, gordie, piers

sada and turo are divorced

hassel/brassius

salvatore has a wife, no kids but he wants them eventually

dendra/miriam

larry is divorced.

ryme was married for a few years in her 20s but divorced the man and has been jofully single since

tyme on the other hand has been married to her husband for decades

raifort either scares all of her dates away by being too intense or gets into horrible toxic messes

iono doesn't date bc she knows the mess it'll cause with her viewers

kofu has a wife, one young kid

katy/saguaro

tulip does not have time to date, though many try

eri/carmen

unsure: rika, poppy, geeta, clavell, jacq, grusha, team star minus eri

[yuukei-yikes]

i’m so curious to hear more about how the haruka and shintaro relationship develops post str. bc like there’s konoha and also the mess with shinaya and shintaro and takanes messed up dynamic and i just read your thing about how takane and shintaros friendship plays out and like… i’m so curious how or if haruka and shintaro ever get back to a good place and like how much do they even interact outside the quartet and can they even have a relationship separate from takane

YEAHYEAHYEAH WOOOO WOOOO guess what. this one also got too long💗 whatever. deal with it

i think haruka and shintaro are rly quick to go back to their old dynamic!!! but erm. ok here's the thing.

SORRY TO GET ALL ANNOYING ABT THIS AGAIN i answered this in an ask a few weeks ago BUT i am gonna repeat. it pisses me off SOOOOO MUCH that shintaro is totally normal to haruka and just a dickhead to ayano&takane. i accidentally went on a rant abt the misogynistic writing in shintaro/in general lollll and i might do it again💗 i will do it again. sorry, because when it comes to haruka & shintaro's dynamic this is SO difficult for me to get past i just can't do it so HERE I GO AGAIN:

because it pisses me off too that haruka just doesn't say anything. i WILL get to ur question i will get to haruka&shintaro post str about the whole shinaya and codependent shintaka shitshow but i need u to hear me out for a second first. YES I KNOW IM REPEATING MYSELF WHATEVER

so i know haruka not saying anything and doing stuff like Lying to takane abt hanging out with shintaro bc he knows she hates him etcetc is rather like. haruka's like theyre both my friends i hate they can't get along :( and i know its written this way because writer doesn't see the issue in question in the first place. like i said i hate how takane is always put at the level of shintaro as if she isn't defending herself. ayano just lets shintaro walk all over her + haruka is either oblivious or too spineless to say anything and takane's fighting for her life LOL like she's not stupid she knows why shintaro is a dick to her. and like damn takane was SO nice to shintaro when she first meets him and shintaro is the one to start their shitty dynamic in the hs days because he decided he hated her right off the bat without even knowing who she was. he just stood in a 2 or 3 hour line to whine abt ohh u think ur such a big shot because all these ppl think ur cool and the funny thing is that takane AT NO POINT EVER thinks this and is the total opposite, she was crying her eyes out the whole day at being exposed and having all these people here. shintaro didnt know shit. like truly what is the reason he did this other than AUUGGHH GIRLS DONT PLAY VIDEOGAMES😡😡😡 HES SO RIDICULOUS Like if he had been mean to haruka too later, I'd let it pass it'd be like ok yeah ig shintaro's wholeheartedly just a fucking asshole and who knows what his fucking problem is but LITERALLY IN THE SAME HOUR shintaro's like haruka i can teach you how to play videogames and be ur best friend lets kiss on the mouth like girl. again gay not only bc i like men but bc i hate women👍or whatever. hs shintaro i fucking hate you youre SO annoying. there is NO OTHER REASON for the treatment💗 and takane sees it and ayano & haruka either see it and dont say anything or are oblivious. ayano bc she's too awooga over shintaro and haruka because (cracks knuckles) care for internalized misogyny. sorry i know he's better than this but lollllll. either haruka is oblivious which HE IS NOT because haruka is a dumbass but in his pov he shows again and again how perceptive he is to the ppl around him. he's just a fucking spineless loser. he doesn't say anything to shintaro because then maybe shintaro will think he's lame. maybe he did say something to shintaro and shintaro was like erm whatever dude lol and haruka's like haha. yeah forget i said anything lol(sweating) but haruka isnt stupid enough not to consider why shintaro is just a dickhead to takane for no reason. sorry seriously what on earth was going thru jin's mind to write shintaro and takane's meeting like THAT 😭😭😭

yes i know theyre fictional characters and this is one of those things i could truly just ignore because it is the fault of the writer not of the, again, FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, and i do this with many things in kagepro but HERE specifically. i can't bring myself to ignore it and i dont wanna. idk, it just bothers me lol because it's an entire dynamic. you're telling me shintaro and takane had that relationship for a over a year at school and haruka just watched the whole time and didnt say anything??? he still went to be buddies with shintaro when he walked in and said all that awful shit to takane first meeting?? yeah girl im holding him accountable (as a character)idgaf. LOL!!! again erm. reminder this is written. im mad abt the sexist writing not The characters who are not real people ok? ok.

sorry maybe im butthurt because im afab🤨and reading this kinda thing is like.i wanna throw up and i get all intense. but imagine being in takane's place and ur guy friend who u think is good is like. just letting the misogynistic asshole in the friend group say shit because its not directly affecting him and ur like wow. ok then. hehe takane getting mad at haruka for always being like aw guys dont fight like she's not defending herself LOLLLL ok sorry ill stopill stop.

.........getting to the actual question. clearly i have my thoughts abt their dynamic. i think.. sorry, i just can't get past shintaro&takane's relationship in general to be able to think abt haruka&shintaro's. when i read ur ask i was like well ofc they have a relationship separate of takane!!! they're bestest friends!!! BUT... when i really think abt it... maybe not LMAOO like yeah maybe im just super like 💗💗takane💗💗 and hate the misogyny too much. and i think shintaro and ene/takane's relationship is SO titular to kagerou project that its impossible for me to ignore it??

i think generally in post str since shintaro is glued at the hip with takane who in return is also glued at the hip to haruka ofc it's never just Them two alone and takane is in fact in the middle. haruka loves hanging out with shintaro though and he loves him!! he loves when he's around he loves hanging out!! he's also excited abt shintaro and takane being besties bc at first he's like YES DREAM TEAM💥💥💥(PERCEIVES THE HORRORS) WAIT A SECOND..

i think since haruka is the one slowly talking to takane abt their codependency and etc he slowly grows to sort of. be annoyed?? at some of shintaro's behavior. because haruka tries talking to him about it the same he talks about it to takane! but while takane's all like "ummm nahhh whaaa no way ermm (holds head) OK MAYBE..." shintaro's like U THINK IM GONNA STEAL UR GIRLFRIEND UR SO FUNNY LOOOOOL and haruka's like 😐THATS NOT WHAT IM SAYING.

but like with ayano, haruka is kind of scary to shintaro. not as much as ayano, bc with her there's the whole thing abt yaki and stuff but haruka is also like. WOW he's alive huh. and also, again, shintaro is sorta pissed off at harutaka as a whole LOL 1. he's kinda down bad for both of them 2. is INSANELY jealous of their healthy & communicative & non destructive relationship in contrast to whatever the fuck he's doing with ayano. LOL!! from shintaro's perspective (subconsciously i cant stress it enough. all the shit he's doing he's rly not. on the loop(LOOL!!!)about the fact he is doing it he's rly not doing it on purpose) its comforting to know that bc of their codependency(that hes also in denial about) takane is as distanced from haruka as he is from ayano, like both their relationships suffer for it so it HAS to be normal right??

so when haruka approaches him abt it shintaro is kind of annoyed. subconsciously. at first he's like ohhh yeah of course you wanna spend time alone with ur girlfriend lol sorry man get some 👍 and haruka's like well that's not the only thing?? it's not so much about me as it is about you and takane bc this is clearly a rly bad dynamic for u guys and i think ur kind of enabling her fears and takane is really overdue in facing her reality and its not helping her to cling on u like this

actually, i think haruka is able to articulate it better to shintaro than to takane bc with takane he's terrified she'll dump him over it. because he is very worried specifically about her mental state and how she's using shintaro as a means to STILL not face her problems and the fact she is alive. but if he were to say this to her face takane would. yeah she'd freak out a lil bit so while he still does it little by little, he thinks talking directly to shintaro should be ok right!! he'll understand where he's coming from, because takane was and is dedicating her existence to shintaro for a sense of purpose while shintaro...what's shintaro's problem, haruka wonders. he acts annoyed but still stays by her. obviously he's just used to her. but it's not as extreme as it is with takane since she's DEDICATED so maybe he will hear him out!

DEAD WRONG shintaro keeps talking like omg haruka ur being just like ayano lmaooo all jealous over me and takane u guys are so funny. shintaro's so delighted he's like THANK GOD ayano and i are normal then, haruka is doing the same as her!! but haruka insists its really not so much abt jealousy at all he's just genuinely worried for both shintaro & takane. and probably grows a little annoyed over shintaro's insistence of him being jealous and refusing to listen LOL haruka: u and takane share a while understandable, deeply destructive relationship u cope mindlessly with... shintaro: u just wanna make out with her and ur mad im around :3

i think haruka even trusts shintaro with why he's telling him all this and why he struggles talking abt it to takane. so shintaro is VERY aware of haruka's delicate self worth and yeah takane too but shintaro also knows in detail abt haruka struggling to feel good enough for her and all that shit. and he feels kinda good abt it LOL shintaro's like... he kinda feels like he can have haruka under control like this. SUBCONSCIOUSLY OF COURSE AGAIN shintaro isnt a manipulative mastermind he's just GOING THRU IT.

basically haruka and shintaro do kinda have their old dynamic but now there's all this stuff abt takane. shintaro specifically keeps trying to default to their old dynamic but that's difficult bc haruka is REALLY living the moment while shintaro is still stuck in all these emotions pulling him back. so of course haruka's eq freaks him out a bit. and again pisses him the hell off that haruka and takane seem so good together while he's fighting for his life with ayano.

so when shintaro is at his wits end and hits on takane (anyone reading this out of context to my other post the anon is referring to, im sorry) it REALLY crashes down. ofc i talked abt takane's side bc that's what it was about but only briefly abt haruka. i think. i think haruka is overdue sending shintaro to hell too. from being such an asshole to both ayano and takane in highschool all the way to his fucked up relationships with both even now post str. i think that's also a nice way for haruka to step up and stop being so spineless. srry i keep calling him this but its such a perfect word to describe him. haruka is so self conscious abt everything his self confidence is so nonexistent and that holds him back from everything but i think the same way everyone is breaking by now he also has his Moment.

like haruka KNOWS shintaro is dealing with a lot. of course he knows. so haruka isnt mean about it, he doesnt yell at him about it like takane does. i think haruka just kinda. grimaces and says he's really disappointed in him. and shintaro's like GOD ID RATHER YOU PUNCH ME IN THE FACE but haruka is just silent and thats so so so much worse. shintaro keeps begging him to just punch him and haruka's like why?? and shintaro's like cuz im ur bro and i hit on ur girl :((((( and haruka's like OHHH MY GOD. DO U EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON RN DO U HEAR HOW DEMEANING IT IS TO REDUCE IT TO JUST THAT?? ITS NOT HS CRUSH STUFF.... UR DESTROYING ALL UR RELATIONSHIPS MY MAN. shintaro's like a.

so hes like WELL...IM JUST...SORRY... LIKE I WASNT THINKING... and haruka's like apologize to TAKANE not ONLY me!! apologize to ayano!!where are THEIR apologies!! what's the matter with you!! i know ur hurting but ALL OF US are, why do u get a pass to act this way!! just stop!!!!

haruka doesn't say much else but i think only that is enough to send shintaro spiraling down + all the other stuff. he's like speedrunning destroying all his relationships its so funny honestly. and i think haruka is the one to point it out to him. he says he HAS been telling him and didnt listen and he's driven it to a point where even he needs a break from him and doesnt really wanna see him rn. shintaro's like 😐meltdown style. haruka's like Closes door on ur face cutely💗

sorry i kinda talked abt so much other stuff here but yeah. 💗👍

[bitterblackberry]

EUGHHH SIMS MAKING ME CRAZY

i made a sim who has their orientation stuff as follows:

interested in exploring romantically: no

romantic interests: none

woohoo interests: women

because i wanted to play an alloaro sim. BUT THEY CANT FLIRT ? AT ALL?? LIKE IT LITERALLY DOESNT LET YOU USE THE OPTION EUGHHHH. okay for one. my two sims here are SUPPOSED to be like life partners kinda deal and so i want to have access to options like “look deeply into eyes” “hold hands” and “embrace” but i just CANT do them shaking and slamming my head against my desk. i feel like EA never actually bothers to understand queer stuff they put in the game

1. those fuck ugly pride clothes

2. even though we’re allowed to put any clothes on any sim regardless of frame - EA still hasnt bothered to make anything actually *look good* on the opposite frame to what it was made for. like great my masculine frame sim can wear a skirt - but its going to clip weird and fit awkwardly

3. i have so many complaints about the binders and top scars oh my god. okay for one, your “female frame” sims HAVE to have tiddies - they can be small but they HAVE to have them. so this means no top scars on female frame sims but like? what about people who get surgery but don’t idk start t? like its so limiting. ALSO the binders suckass the texture is kind of ugly and theyre completely useless. they SHOULD be an accessory that your sim can wear under their clothes because when are you ever JUST wearing a binder?? like with regular undergarments i get it because people sleep in those - but with binders it makes no sense. they SHOULD actually compress your sims chest too like it literally does nothing. i was so excited to have a sim that like actually binds and like they have the binder on during most outfits but not for like sleep right idk itd just feel more like me in the game.

4. the pronoun update: its actually just grammatically incorrect. like the basic they/them preset option isnt implemented properly so the sentences will be wrong sometimes

5. i cant marry my sims without a romantic relationship um i dont want to do that let them have a wedding and be best friends and look deeply into each others eyes

kills EA

in trying to be “inclusive” they just keep making everything more and more binary so in the end they keep trying to force queer experiences into a system that was built from the ground up as allocisheteronormative. i know they wont do it but if they actually want queer sims in their game theyd need to rebuild CAS and the relationship system from the ground up. in this case the exclusion of queer people other than allocis gays at the launch of ts4 isnt a bandaid fix problem.

[scalproie]

gnngnhnggh boring mk11 rewrite because I just got hit by some ideas tho I making no promises that theyre good.

first off scrap the whole titan/timeline shenanigans away, scrap all the new additions too, final boss is dark raiden. IF YOU MUST, separate raiden and dark raiden into two entities during the third act, with DR being elevated to elder god threat, idk, while raiden decides to atone by giving his godhood to liu kang, hence fire god liu kang, IDK.

speaking of, liu kang and the revenants problem: make a new character, and with the other sorcerers dead, make them the chaotic good equivalent of shang tsung and quan chi cause this could be fun, and make the end of their chapter being them combining their necromancy powers with Fujin to bring the rest of the revenants back to life

Thatd be all i have so far for the shaolin monks, for outworld: kitana herself wants to atone for her actions while she was a revenant by uniting outworld and fully enter an era of peace with earthrealm, problem: outworld is still divided, so kitana, similarly to her arc in mk11, enlist baraka and the tarkatans who are looked upon by kotal, and enlist sheeva and the shokan as well, she fights kotal, gets compared to mileena in mkx, and at the end of her chapter when she beats him, instead of finishing him, she offers mercy to fully show that she doesnt intent to follow in shao kahn's footsteps, and even propose a shared rule of outworld between the other factions leader, kotal who can appreciate someone with honor, surrender and grant kitana the title of kahn and all outworld is friend yyyaaayyy

As you all know, I love sub zero a lot, so time to put him through The Horrors. NINJA DRAMA: so frost betrayed the lin kuei and took with her the head of sektor, she gets him back online and under his cyber guidance, she slowly rebuild the cyber lin kuei and gets herself cyberized in the process, hes also actually manipulating her like even tho he promised to help her become grandmaster, he fully intent to take the role himself. Anyway, she makes a deal with the revenants (pre-resurrection by unnamed sorcerer above) as future lin kuei grandmaster, she get them on earthrealm undetected and the revenant army help her make her own. Stuff is then pretty much similar, lin kuei temple is raided, subz asks scorpy for help (scorpy who, btw, finished his character arc after killing quan chi so unless you give a fully new arc, being moral support feels fitting for him), they infiltrate the cyber lin kuei facility yadda yadda EXCEPT... instead of cyrax, its SMOKE who is here as the leader of the revenant army who raided the temple. He also gets some of cyrax's lines like the "you look so old" but make it sinister because I love pain. And also who is here but Big Brother Dearest Bi-han, who didnt expect little tomas to do his job. Anyway you have your three emotional punches in a row by facing frost, smoke and noob saibot (who is the only one able to escape at the end of this chapter) and then final fight of the chapter against sektor with a brand new body, also revealing that he used frost all along, before getting his robotic ass kicked by subz/scorpy. Anyway fun chapter :)

We're not done with noob tho because instead of being a jobber, he gets his OWN villain chapter after the midway point which ends with him killing scorpion (with scorpion showing how much he has changed since mk9 beforehand) in a neat full circle way, he also ends the story with taking the throne of the now vacant netherrealm since all the revenants are gone. (And you can even recycle my fav intro quote into "This is for Hanzo!"/"You would avenge my killer?"/"He was more a friend to me than you family." because of course I would think of that first)

I have NO IDEA what the special forces would go through in that rewrite, I still do kinda like sonya dying and cassie taking her role, but struggling a lot more with it, and dark raiden showing even less compassion to sonya's death, creating a bigger rift between him and them. I guess it could expand on the kombat kids? Idk idk i gotta still brainstorm that one

[master-gatherer]

I know I'm usually one to be more charitable towards MCU stuff, but I finally got around to finishing Secret Invasion and it was so bad. Confused plotting and themes, does not gel with the rest of the MCU, and that is being charitable. And the one thing that kept annoying me the whole time was New Asgard

So if you don't know or care, Secret Invasion is about shape shifting aliens coming to Earth and invading it all secret like. In the comics the aliens (Skrulls) are 100% the bad guys, but in the MCU they had a twist in Captain Marvel where actually the Skrulls are refugees and have been nearly genocided by this other alien species (which is honestly one of the more interesting bits about Captain Marvel, but I'm bitching about Secret Invasion, not doing my Captain Marvel autopsy, so focus). Skrulls are not the bad guys, and in fact Nick Fury has been using them as a secret force of informants and assassins since the 1990s, and that's how he's managed to become such a super spy. And in exchange he promised to help the Skrulls find a new planet to call home.

So in the show, some of the Skrulls get tired of waiting after thirty years (even though Skrulls apparently live longer than humans), and want Fury to hurry up and find them a new planet. Even though they can apparently live in radioactive locations and have in fact settled an old abandoned Russian nuclear reactor as their colony on Earth. But this isn't good enough for some of them so that subset of Skrulls are trying to start WW3 to kill off the humans and colonize the now radioactive planet Earth.

So right away we get to the problem, which is that they can apparently live in areas that humans can't, so why can't they just set up shop in Pripyat and other radioactive areas we can't live in, why do they need a whole ass planet. And this is put in stark relief when you remember this is the MCU and somewhere in like Norway New Agard exists.

Because Earth has an alien refugee settlement already, it's New Asgard. In the MCU Asgardians are also aliens, and they lost their home, and have basically set up shop in Scandinavia, we see in Thor Love and Thunder they have a booming tourist industry, in She-Hulk there's Asgardians and even shape-shifting light elves dealing with the legal system. There's precedent. And it's not like humans are using these radioactive sites anyway, we can't go there without getting sick. Why can't we just give the Skrulls amnesty and they stay there, doing their own thing under the protection of Earth and it's superheroes, which will save them from the other space empire that nearly wiped them out in the first place?

But no, the Skrulls have to do a bunch of terrorisms and try to kill the US president, so now the president is trying to declare all aliens enemy combatants (he does not distinguish between alien species, so I guess the MCU version of the president is trying to declare war on Thor, the literal god of thunder). And this whole show is a goddam mess.

Like, usually theming wise Marvel is ok and pretty consistent, their plotting sometimes gets away from them but whatever, the important part is the story, themes, and characters are usually pretty solid, ranging from a few missteps to knocking it out of the park. Not here though. The whole thing didn't seem like it was committed to what it was saying. Like the whole "evil refugee" thing is bad on its face, but it didn't even want to commit to that (because it's xenophobic and gross as fuck) so instead we get this weird mess of "most of these guys are good, but we only see a couple of them, and the bad ones have legitimate grievances but they are trying to wipe out all life on earth" and that does not mesh with what the greater MCU has established, which is that humans know aliens exist and are actively engaging in commerce with them. The concern that humans will not accept the Skrulls because theyre too alien, while it could open a discussion about how different groups experience privilege and prejudice, is treated like a foregone conclusion. "Humans aren't ready to accept aliens living among them" tell that to Valkyrie and Korg! We could have a nice contrast b/t why the Asgardians are accepted and the Skrulls aren't but no, we're just going to side step the Asgardians completely and half demonize half sympathize with the Skrull plight.

Idk man, the MCU seems to really shine lately when it leans into the extraordinary space/magic stuff and it really stumbles when it tries to do a more realistic and gritty thing. Secret Invasion was trying way too hard to be a hard bitten spy thriller, which is just undercut not only by in-story plot points, like collecting all the Avengers' DNA and literal shape shifting aliens, but also the cross continuity to other more fantastical stories. Again, they literal had a shape shifter in She-Hulk, there is now legal precedent established within the MCU of how to deal with this sort of power, you can't have a realistic spy thriller pop in a few months later like "how will society react to this new development 😱"

The creative heads behind the MCU really are resistant to grappling with the change of the status quo and what it means, and it will inevitably break the whole thing if they continue to refuse to do so and keep writing these like "it's just like our world but this handful of people have super powers."

[bredforloyalty]

hey every time i log onto this website and read ur posts, i relate so heavily to your personal intertwinement with the story + characters and i absolutely understand your perception of R&M cuz? i always saw it as an encapsulation of the cycles of abuse especially through generations within family? and when i try to explain that to other people like irl or w/e while watching it theyre like wat .. so i UNDERSTAND where ur coming from and i FEEL bad that u get embarrassed or w/e (altho i deal with those feelings too?) basically just trying to tell you you are HELLA seen and far far from alone

🥺🥺🥺 THANK YOUUUU i appreciate that..... mayhaps a certain type of childhood or family life primes a certain understanding of rnm and an investment others don't always have. it's a factor that plays heavily into connecting with this series for sure.. many of us (fans. or whatever) are like this, like it is that deep for us but even to those people, i can scarcely relate. because most of them have this umm desire to see the wrongs righted and to be comforted by the show and then the writers notice that and then i don't feel that rick's change of character is gradual enough and involves enough sacrifices and struggle and lol you get the idea!! i like tragedies, i prefer to be hurt by my shows, that's the type of comfort i need. i digress.. but the point is, often i feel like a minority in here, thanks for taking the time to tell me you relate and you understand <333

also hmm i feel like within the group of fans that are dedicated and care about the future of this show, very few are in it for. comedy. or cool sci-fi moments? or maybe more like, all of the dedicated fans are dedicated to the story and the characters and definitely not to the old structure of rnm that allowed it to be an endless fun machine. at some point you have to make the stuff that happens count and affect the characters so people have something to come back for, so the episodic format could not have been maintained, not with the sudden widespread interest in the show. the new direction, the sincerity and drama and addressing canon and letting the characters grow Are for us, those who ended up caring! but i'm still embarrassed about caring, in my worse moments, i can't help it :P the writers even went out of their way to make fun of us for our investment in s4 and 5 and since it's popular, i see many casual viewers around who simply don't care that much. and are just here for a laff. that's weird to me!

and, the new direction puts me in a weird position because i did love it for the dysfunction and the angst, that's an integral part that needs to be featured predominantly in my opinion to make the hopeful moments really hit (and it's prominent in my family too HYDHBY so that would just feel more realistic for me and satisfy Me personally)

maybe i'm just concerned with what upcoming seasons are gonna do because if we have a long way to go until the end, i would have preferred if they took more time with the overarching storylines of seasons 1 through, idk, 3..... and just generally approached the previous seasons with very slow character development in mind, but character development for sure. if they were more deliberate about it and didn't have an "oh shit we have expectations to live up to now and loyal fans to satisfy. but we don't wannaaaa.. don't tell us what to do :'(" crisis in the middle of it lmao. i don't have a fundamental problem with betterment arcs, i'm just not sure this will be done right in the particular instance of rick and morty

i'm also just pondering the different subsets of viewers now and how conflicted the show has seemed (in the past. i wouldn't apply this to s6) about what it wants to be... and thinking about all the ways my affection for rnm could be misunderstood 😔 the worst "fans" have been the loudest, they didn't exactly give us a good name lol, but this is personal for me so i can't just stay away or keep silent (duh!) so i oughta consider the public perception. and perceptions are super varied! it's another one of those shows that isn't a show, it's popular enough and inconsistent enough to be a phenomenon. so inevitably i will be embarrassed, it means so many different things to different people and i care. i care very much

[am3ricanj3sus]

5/3

no song of the day today. i didnt feel to connected to any songs today and it didnt feel right to put one. anywyas though. im wirting on my laptop today. it feels weird. i feel weird. maybe its just how life has been going. a issue that ive been having most of my life pop up again and im tired of dealing with it.

basically i was life long friends with this girl and yk we had our ups and downs (a whole lotta downs) but we alwyas got on with it. well she got on with it. she would randomly get mad at everthing, blame me for it in someway and i became the problem. it happened mutiple times and i grew sick of it but i really didnt care. maybe i sound cocky but ik that at the end she would come back. she always did.

but like 8 months ago. she started seeing this guy. and it escalated quick. she like asked us his name and who he was then a week later she tells us "oh my boyfriend dropped me off after we got food" so ofc we're like boyfriend? okay... and we didnt bring it up. the thing is, our friend group didnt like the guy she started seeing. he was rude to our friends and has done someover all shady stuff. so we just warned her and wow suprise she didnt listen and got with him. then she got all offended when we didnt comment on the fact her bf brought her home. so we gave her a small "yay bf!" but yk we told her we dont like him so we really didnt want to talk about him. and thats what fucking set a wire off in her dumbass brain. she was going on about how we never support her, which was the craziest lie ever because we all supported her and her other crazy ass ex bf and all the dumb stuff she does. and we were like "hey we can be friends still, we just really dont want to talk about him" and like the whole time she was texting this guys and she was telling him "omg theyre ruining my mental health"

and i think i may have pushed a little over board but i was sick of her asking like some entitled bitch that needs her friends to agree with her all the time. so i kind of just brought up everything shes ever done to me :) like the time i too her to disneyland and she literally complained in the car, ON TWITTER, about how she had to go back and we were forcing her. and its like, girl. my mother payed for you to be here. do NOT play. and i understand her frustration to a point becuase we were at the park that morning from like 9 to 1 but we had like a 6 hour break at the hotel and didnt go back till 7. and we couldnt just leave her there becuase her mom didnt want her to be alone in the room so its like... girl you have to come. so were in the car on the way back to the park and shes like spaming her twitter "theyre forcing me to go back! im crying. i dont want to be here" SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU UNGREATFUL LITTLE BITCH. like girl... girl...BITCH. i couldnt even.

then i brought up the fact that she let her ex bf like disrespect tf outta me. like he burped in my face, didnt say sorry, disrespected my family and callled me a bitch unprovoced. like she just let these things happen then got mad when i defended myself. talking about some "you had no right to say that to him" girl he had no right to act that way towards me but okay,

then i just brought up how much she just disregards me. like im nothing. and i truly felt like that the entire time i was friends with her. an that was most of my life.

she didnt respond to that message. she simply left the group chat then blocked me. couldnt take the fucking heat ig.

and i dont care what happens to her. she could burn in the deepest pit of hell. and maybe ill go to hell for saying that. but i mean it. ive never wanted someone to suffer more.

and that leads me to this topic. she has no friends now. and im glad. she doesnt deserve anything or anybody. no one deserves to be put through what i went though with her. theres so much more that happened with her that i dont even want to relive. but shes like searching for attention now. she texted a mutual friend of ours recently and i told him, dont text her back. and he fucking texts her anyway. now im not trying to dictate who he can and cant be friends with but she did him dirty too so i dont know why he even wanted to talk to her.

and thats anothet thing that pisses me off. people feel bad for her. like what the hell. even people that were with me the night of the argument. they feel bad that she has no friends. and i get having sympahty for her but what the hell. you were there, you know what she did so why on gods green earth do you feel that for her? it just sets this rage in me on fire and i want everyone to disappear.

i genuinley cant. like omg. it just makes me so angery and people dont get why im so mad about her. she just fucked over 12 years of friendship over some guy she only dated for 6 months.

but to make myself happy. i realized im over my crush on my friend. i think it was just a spur of the moment thing really. he has a gf now so its whatever really. ill miss that time of my life.

i didnt see mr c today im so sad. i even walked around a little during his prep and i didnt even see him walking around with his teacher besties. its okay though. i guess ill get over it :(

i did see my coco pookie though and i dont know what it is but its like im not looking for him as much anymore. i mean he wasnt here the other day and i missed him but when he has been here i dont even watch him that much. its just. i dont know. maybe i just want him to be around since he was my crush this.

another day. another slay. i love yapping. this was the first time i gen got out most of my emotions about that bitch and it have this weird relief. like my chest feels light in a way. maybe writting should be a daily thing for me. love love love. muah ha ha

[cerealmonster15]

hii! alone and nightmare for the oc asks :]

[oc questions]

HIIIIII yay tyty

hmm so the easy thing would be to talk about yale bc he is my most fleshed out and i do have more or less ready answers for him lol. HOWEVER. i reblogged that post when i got up to pee at 2am with the notion of needing to flesh out less developed characters 🤔

so i'll talk about yale AND another character :D sorry in advance i kept getting distracted explaining overall setup lore ;-;

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

yale - my pirate elf guy! he generally likes to stay around people if he can help it. part of his backstory was that he had crews come and go over the years, and i'm realizing i'm a little fuzzy on the specifics i had @-@ BUT i THINK the story was before he made his debut into the main universe's plotlines, he had been without a crew for a long while. i wanna say it was like 10 years? and he's an elf, nbd, but still, 10 years is 10 years, and being more or less alone for that long on a boat, save for stopping into docks now and then... ya get a little weird. yale was initially made to be like, a cartoonish villain, and from a lore standpoint, part of that was just his lack of being around people for so long. he was strange and dramatic [and still kinda is tbh lol] but he kinda kept people at arm's length. he was used to being on his own, and had initially started off his pirate days alone, so SURELY he was FINE!!!

but, now that he's found himself a home in the docks of kronneby amongst the others he's bonded to, he really doesn't like being alone. he had a 2week offscreen timeskip where he went off to fight a seamonster alone, and while he was alone on the boat, he was stuck with his thoughts of his new friends, family, lovers... the danger they'd been put in since meeting him, his mistakes that led to problems, the struggles of anxiety that come along with caring for someone... yale really prefers to be with people and keeping his mind and body active, if he can help it. he likes to play little sea shanties to himself to fill the silence when he can.

Scorpius - scorpius is a newer character who's like... a lobster merman in the water, and a scorpion person [like a centaur lol] on land, usually. he's part of the same ~multiverses~ that yale is, though theyre less directly connected. scorpius is much less fleshed out and i'm still constructing a lot of what his deal is. BUT, scorpius is definitely more of a loner. in most universe storyplots he's in, he spends a lot of time by himself and can get a bit cranky and abrasive with people that irritate him. he's not heartless, but he just doesn't like to be bothered.

the initial universe is based loosely off dnd fantasy, which kinda spiraled away from it the more we progressed, but sometimes i steal from there for ideas lol. in the base verse, scorpius lives alone in a cave with the only company being his scorpion army that helps keep out intruders, and his giant space hamster patron. don't worry about it, there's not a lot of lore there yet LOL. he spends a lot of his time researching other planes of existence - he is originally from Mechanus [a lawful neutral dnd plane that's like made of clockwork stuff] but i think i said he was some sort of space pilot that crash landed where he is now and got amnesia 🤷‍♂️ so he spends a lot of time studying interplanar travel and i guess trying to figure out his BACKSTORY LORE. help me out scorp. i'd like to know too.

he's more prominently featured in our ~modern fantasy~ au. he works a lot of part time jobs, so he's around people more, but he's still really moody. he has a roommate and a coworker that he would quietly consider friends, though he still likes to complain about their antics. he doesn't really feel the need for many companions, and likes to practice drink mixing in his spare loner time. being alone gives him time to think and decompress, especially after long days of irritating customers...

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

yale - with his newest crew and companions, he sometimes has nightmares about them being put in danger. they've been through a lot together, and quite a few times something bad has happened when yale briefly wasn't around to help. it's hard for him not to feel responsible anytime something bad happens, as he's the captain, and it's HIS job to look after the ship and everyone one it. i don't think he always talks about the nightmares, but if one of his partners is around, he likes to sleep with them for that immediate reassurance that they're alright and safe in his arms ;w; it kind of couples with the above alone feeling - he's worried if he leaves people on their own, something bad might happen again. he is perhaps developing a very minor case of separation anxiety, i think.

Scorpius - hmm... DOES he have nightmares...? HMM.... well, in the THIRD of the multiverses lol, he's a demon hunter. don't worry about it. i suppose it would make sense if he has nightmares sometimes of the demons he's hunted, or perhaps ones that got away. regardless of which universe it's in, though, i don't think he'd be one to talk much about nightmares. he's more of a logical practical thinker, so i think he'd just wake up from a nightmare, recognize it was a dream, maybe pace around the room a little, and go back to sleep.